#i literally think about this every single day

[haetrack]

*runs into room*

corrupting sweet, innocent, virgin!haech into letting u be his dom mommy 🗣️

*runs out of room*

- ☀️

warnings: fem!reader, virgin!haechan, corruption kink, wet dream mentions, slight mommy kink, guided masturbation, wait just a handjob

a/n: haetrack returns. who’s ready.

when haechan wakes up, he’s a little confused as to why he’s so hot and sweaty. it’s not until he shifts his hips and realizes that he came in his shorts.

the dream that he just woke up from flashes through his mind. there you were on top of him, whispering into his ear. that’s all you were doing, so why is he like this?

it’s not like he hasn’t had these types of dreams with you before. dreams where your lips make close contact with his own, dreams where you touch him a little more intimately. he’s only ever woken up hard though, forcibly willing away his boner for his own sake.

but here he is, cringing at the patch of cum on the front of his boxers. it’s not like you were doing anything to him, all you were doing was sitting in his lap, pretty eyes staring down at him.

he can’t deny the little crush that he has on you. you were one of the first friends he’s made at college. you’ve stayed friends throughout all the years, and you’re still the only girl that he’s friends with. he can’t help but think that you’re cute.

this shouldn’t be a problem. he can just go clean up, take a shower, reflect on his actions, and move on with his day. except he can’t- he’s supposed to meet up with you today.

he’s mad at the world and how it decides to curse him on the worse day possible. now he has to look you in the eye and pretend that he’s been having dreams about you touching him. he doesn’t even jerk off that much, he doesn’t deserve this.

which is probably why he’s having these dreams in the first place. totally not because he might be in love with you and he wishes that one day you could touch and teach him how to have sex. not that at all.

when he heads over to your place later that day, he has to keep himself together as he knocks on your door. he looks at his feet when you open it, trying to avoid all contact with you. you’re quick to notice it though, laughing when you catch him blushing.

he brushes you off, walking into your apartment like he lives there. you pull him into your bedroom as he watches you plop into bed. it shouldn’t feel so different, but he can’t stop thinking about his dream with you.

he awkwardly shuffles to your bed, stiffly sitting next to you. you give him a questioning look, and he tries to get more comfortable. his thigh brushes against yours causing him to flinch away from you, almost as if you’ve burned him.

you raise your eyebrows at him, “are you alright? you’re acting a little weird.”

he scratches the back of his neck, “i’m fine… i just had a hard time this morning.”

you put your phone down, now intrigued, “what happened? bad dream?”

“well, not exactly… you came out in it…”

you shift your body to fully face him, now fully invested, “now you have to tell me what it was about. literally every single detail.”

haechan realizes then and there that he just made a problem for himself. you could barely count his dream as a sex dream, but telling you that would probably be the most embarrassing thing that could happen to him.

especially because you know he’s a virgin. as far as you know, he’s never dated, hasn’t had sex, and probably hasn’t kissed anyone. he keeps to himself, which is probably why he’s like this now.

when he doesn’t respond, you chuckle a bit, “was it that bad of a dream because i came out in it?”

“n-no!” of course he’s being sweet, “it’s just- you were- we…” his words quickly die in his throat, really not wanting to describe to you his dream.

your hand shoots to his thigh, and he begs every god in the world to make sure he doesn’t get hard. he stares at your hand, watches how your thumb smooths over the exposed skin from how his shorts have ridden up.

you realize that he’s gotten quiet, his chest is heaving with every breath. it really doesn’t take you long to piece together what’s happening to him. his suddenly shy demeanor, a dream with you and him in it, and how he’s reacting to just your hand touching him.

he probably dreamt about you two fucking.

it does shock you a little. is there any way your sweet, innocent friend could dream up something like that? his body is probably begging for him to get his dick wet, so it probably isn’t that crazy to think of. you might just have to help him.

you sit in front of him, your hand still messing with his thigh. he’s not looking at you, choosing to stare at his lap. you look as well, noticing the bulge beginning to tent his shorts. you start, “are you sure you don’t wanna talk about your dream?”

he doesn’t hear your words at first, quickly trying to put them together when you clear your throat. “i- um, we were like this together. that’s really it, so i don’t…”

“are you sure that’s it? because i can see you getting hard in your shorts, you know.”

his hands immediately shoot to cover up his bulge, “i-i didn’t mean to-”

you cut him off, “will you let me see?”

he lets out a gasp, “you wanna see my…”

your hands move to the tops of his, and you can feel how they twitch under yours, “i wanna see your dick, haechan? can i see it, please?”

he knows there’s an embarrassing blush on his face, but he can’t help but remove his hands from his bulge. you smile when you see the front of his shorts stretched out, his dick straining against them.

he whines when he notices you staring too long, too quiet. you glance at his face when your hand moves to trail under his shirt, feeling at the soft skin of his stomach, enjoying how his skin jumps at the feeling. “do you want me to help you?”

“i-i’ve never been touched by… anyone else before.”

you smile, “have you touched yourself?”

“i’ve tried jerking off but it just didn’t feel right-” his breath hitches when your hand goes lower, “i couldn’t get myself to… finish.”

you think about his words for a second. sitting back, a smile quickly forming on your face as you say, “i wanna see it. wanna see you touch yourself.”

his face shoots up towards yours, “i can’t do that! i-i don’t even know how!”

you move to sit on your knees, “i’ll help you!”

haechan watches as you place your hands comfortably on his thighs as if this is something you always do. he can’t say he doesn’t like it, your warm touch causing his cock to twitch in his shorts. you smile at the sight, thumbs tracing circles on his inner thighs.

haechan shivers at the feeling, clearing his throat, “should i, um, take off my shorts?”

you nod, biting your lip as you watch him peel them off. there’s an embarrassing patch of precum, his hands moving to quickly cover himself up.

you try to move his hands away, one of your hands lightly grazing his bulge, causing haechan to let out a quiet whimper. a laugh leaves you at the sound, haechan balling his hands into fist at his sides, clearly embarrassed.

he tries moving on, “can’t you just get on with it already?”

you chuckle, “if you wanna feel good, you have to tease yourself a little,” your hands move further up, dangerously close to his bulge, “can i touch you?”

he’s quick to nod, pulling down his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip leaking, practically begging to be touched. when you look at his face, he’s red, lip caught between his teeth as he gives you a shy look.

your hand hovers over his length, smiling at how it twitches at the thought of you being so close. your fingers ghost over the base, watching how his hips buck up at the feeling, way too sensitive after all these years.

your thumb teases his tip, a bead of precum spills out. you can hear how haechan’s breath hitches, trying to stop any more noises from coming out. you pull yourself away from him, “now i wanna see you try!”

he lets out an exasperated noise, “you barely even touched me!”

you shrug, “i said i was gonna teach you, you have to do the hard part.”

he huffs, hand shakily wrapping around his length. you watch as he shifts around, trying to get comfortable, taking way too long to get to it. you motion for him to give you his hand, his eyes widening as you spit onto his palm.

you let him wrap his hand around his length again, but this time, your hand holds the back of his. you move his hand up, tightening around his tip as he bucks into his fist. while you try to take it slow, he’s quick to the get the idea, trying to set his own pace.

you remove your hand from his, rolling your eyes at how he whines at the loss of contact. you sit back, watching his shaky and clumsy movements as he tries to get himself off.

“how does it feel?”

“g-good, i just- shit, can’t you help me?”

you hum, pretending to think about it as your hand trails under his shirt. your nails drag against the soft skin of his stomach, enjoying how his muscles jump at the feeling. you whisper into his ear, “didn’t think you could be such a pervert, dreaming about fucking your friend, right?”

he’s quick to deny your words, hand still moving quickly over his leaking cock, “n-no! i just- i couldn’t help it! feels so good, want you to- need you to do something!”

you sit on one of his thighs, moving to press kisses along his neck. it’s suddenly almost too overwhelming for him having you this close. your lips on his neck, tongue licking against his skin. worst of all, he can feel how warm you are between your thighs. he swears he can feel you clench on top of his thigh.

the thought suddenly hits him that you’re enjoying this too. he lets out a loud whimper, his thighs beginning to shake as he gets closer to the edge. you suck one hickey on his neck before moving back, admiring how pretty he looks right now, all desperate and fucked out from a few touches.

sounds of his moans and whimpers fill the room, almost muffling the squelch of his fist around his cock. your fingers trace the skin of his thighs, only making his thighs shake more. his head tilts back, a moan slipping out, “i’m so close to cumming, mommy, please-”

you try not to let your shock show on your face at his words, trying to fit into the role, “yeah? just need mommy to take care of you?”

too fucked out to care, haechan quickly nods, hooded eyes watching as you lower yourself down, “please, think i’m c-close, just need you!”

you swat his hand away from his length, ignoring the complaints as you wrap your hand around his cock. his whines bleed into moans as you tighten your fist around his base, your mouth moving to hover over his tip.

and when you lean over, your tongue darting out to lick at his tip, he cums all over your face with a high pitched whimper. you try to get as much as you can in your mouth, swallowing it all down.

when he comes down from his high, he’s met with the visual of you smiling so sweetly, all of his cum over your face. it’s almost enough to get him hard again, his face heating up once more.

you laugh, licking up at the cum on your lips, “how was it?”

he groans at the sight, “you’re so- does it always feel this good?”

“it’s because it was me making you feel good.” you move up to press a kiss to his lips, enjoying the whine he lets out from how messy it all feels. you mumble against him, “also, you said mommy. really? mommy? out of everything?”

he pulls away to let out an embarrassed groan, arms moving to cover his face, “i just-” he tries to find words, “i never said i didn’t know anything about sex, maybe it just popped up in my mind!”

you shake your head, “you definitely learned that from porn.” he splutters, and before he can vehemently deny your words, “i never said i didn’t like it.”

his hands find purchase on yours, his usual confidence seemingly coming back to him. “that’s good, because i think you might need to teach me some more, right?”

#asks #☀️ anon #vals hard hours #nct smut #haechan smut #haechan hard hours #haechan x reader #haechan scenarios

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA FOR TELLING MY FRIEND TO STOP LETTING INTERNET RANDOS RUN THEIR LIFE.

I m20 and my best friend f21 talk about everything to eachother. We’ve been best friends for around 3 years but we got in a fight the other day here’s the tea:

She loves a really popular musician. Infact the most popular musician in the world. And she thinks that she’s being victimized and infact endangered due to the fact that a very small amount of people compared to the amount of fans the musician has don’t like them.

I think this is absolutely crazy. I think this is like when American southern Christians say that they’re oppressed like there isn’t a church on the corner of every street. This musician plays on the radio every other song, this musician sold out their over expensive tour, this musician is the darling of celebrity life and this musician is a billionaire.

Another thing is that the fans of this musician are extremely toxic. There are a few good ones including my friend but usually they are obsessive and mean.

My friend says that people bully her for liking this musician and she acts like it’s a weird interest that only a few people have but I think that’s crazy talk because this musicians fans bullied me as a child for liking things like doctor who and lotr. The even crazier thing is my friend has a ton of actual interests that people are mean to people about. Like indie video games and other bands but she chooses to act like this one is ACTUALLY the biggest thing that people don’t like about her.

I listened to her rant about how oppressed she was for liking this musician for around 30 minutes before telling her that she couldn’t let random people on the internet dictate her life or how she lived and that none of these people affect the musician in any way. I told her that the musician is a billionaire with a hot Boy friend who is literally not hurt in anyway by people on the internet not liking them.

She got upset and told me that she thought I would understand and that she listens to me vent about people mischaracterizing my characters all the time so I should’ve just listened to her.

Now there are a couple things about that that are funny including: she does the same thing. She talks to me about when people mischaracterize her characters and I agree with her and support her. She also vents to me about every single problem in her life all the time and I listen to her and give her advice.

I love her she’s amazing and smart and kind but this one time I drew the line because she is not the victim here.

Anyways she hasn’t talked to me in 3 days and I sent her an apology text which she has not responded too. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole

[olderthannetfic]

Reading Comprehension – The Film Version

I was talking to someone a while back about the grammar of film editing and how they'd like to know more, but info isn't really available. This is one of my soapboxes. It floors me how simple a lot of this shit is to explain, yet even top film schools just assign In the Blink of an Eye and call it a day. Walter Murch is a great writer, and he has the film cred to back up his treatise on aesthetics, but can we really not manage at least a couple more books anybody cares about? (No, On Film Editing and that book of interviews with Murch don't... cut it.)

For all that film has supposedly been democratized, Youtube et al. are a wasteland for actual discussions of film grammar. Every Frame a Painting has some stuff. Lindsay Ellis has a couple of videos. But most educational film content is very much aimed at either the technical side of camera and editing or is waaaaay too obsessed with the screenplay. (I await the whiny-ass anons from last time who insist that their favorite youtubers discuss this all the time. Nah, dude. If they did, you'd have been willing to name names.)

It's an approach that's overly literal and overly verbal, which makes sense given that what reading comprehension we're taught is all focused on picking apart some essay or maybe a classic book.

Unfortunately, words aren't what define film: reaction shots are.

Having a command of film grammar matters for everything from detecting political propaganda to recognizing when Hollywood is like "Ohhh, but we gave them liiiines in the scriiipt" but the actual product they put out completely undercuts those characters, whether it's not even filming a single or stuffing them behind other characters in the group shots or being embarrassingly incapable of lighting dark skin properly or a host of other obnoxious shit.

Anyway, I made a couple of my own little attempts to put out some free educational materials about how film grammar works.

Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez: Human Exclamation Point is about how to make a character feel like a lead when they have no lines and like two seconds of screen time.

Aisha is the Object; Clay is the Subject is about how to make someone not a protagonist by training the camera on their butt all the damn time.

IDK why I was suddenly thinking about this this afternoon, but I was.

[valsdelulucorner]

More Asmo head cannons<3

Ok, so this will be more selfcare head cannons with you then other things, hope you guys dont mind<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He 100% buys one of those "make your own facemasks" makers and is surprisingly good at making them, making everyone envious as theirs always falls apart. He always helps you with making yours so you two just enjoy some wine and facemasks while the others struggle with theirs

I love to think that he does those "Trying out every brand social media suggests to me" things and joins you in on them. He does sometimes records these hauls to devil gram but when he's not recording, he loves to experiment them with you. He can tell which ones will make him break out or not so he just put them into a "Give someone else" pile and will slap your hand if you try and reach for them. He will not allow himself to see his darling use just cheep crap like that, i think its best to listen to him. The man knows his stuff

After a long day at rad and having to deal with every day to day shenanigans, he has a bath when he gets home. If you look tired and stressed after the day, he will invite you to join him. If you do, he will help you with your hair and back while you guys enjoy the warm water and each others company. If you don't, he wont really bother you much, maybe reminding you to relax and have a bath when you have time

100% the type of guy to sit with you on his or your bed, face masks on both of your faces while you both drop the dirtiest gossip to each other. He will literally be telling you that one of his friends almost became a father but found out his girl was cheating while doing your nails, stoned face while he goes into deep detail about what happened while you sit there shocked. Loves hearing you gossip about people up in the human world, names and all. He will never meet these people so its fun that you get to name drop, gasping and tuning in while you reveal shit about people from the human world

Loves spa days with you, its always relaxing and he gets a cute buddy to talk with. If his brothers see you two relaxing together, they will basically alert everyone and they will have to join aswell. He's annoyed that his time with you got interrupted by his brothers barreling into his room and joining you both, but is quite amused while he watches things unravel.

Will smugly sit with you on his bed, you both in face masks and holding drinks while his brothers squabble and get confused about the sheer amount of skin care he has. Will make them relace every single one they touched, just out of spite<3

If you have acne and or acne scars, he will use this as a excuse to have a skincare day with you. Will sit you down in either his or your room and just start using products that suit your skin perfectly. If your skin is sensitive and will break out with stronger products, he will use a lot more softer and more organic products that will try and help with your acne. I feel like hes the type of person to not like the feeling of acne so he will use a soft brush and gently use that to spread out the products, its not that he doesn't absolutely adore you, i just have that feeling he is very particular with textures

This man loves the look but hates the feel of velvet, you can not argue with me on this one. He will wear it if its the only thing that suits his outfit but he will be so uncomfortable with it on

Will love to do a clothes swap with you, trying on your clothes while you try on his. He wouldn't normally wear the type of clothes you wear so its such a nice change to see him in something else. "Oh MC darling! These are so comfy, though I think you could use abit more colour" "Oh I just have to borrow this from you sometime hunny"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I absolutely love asmo, hes such a amazing character<3

#valsdelulucorner #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me x gender neutral reader #obey me x y/n #obey me x you #obey me asmo x mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo x reader #obey me asmo #obey me swd #om! x reader #om! swd #om! nightbringer #om! shall we date #omswd #omswd mc #omswd asmodeus #asmo x reader #asmo x mc #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus obey me

[jareaul0ver]

Nika is SUCHHHHH gf material I feel like she’d be the biggest simp

my god she would be.

nika simp hc's

SFW

she's always surprising you with small gits

little bouquets of flowers, bracelets, rings, you name it and shes getting it for you

shes in awe of you every time you dress up for a night out, or even when the two of you are just relaxing in bed

"you look so pretty, bebo" she always posts you on her story with some sort of little caption like "my gorgeous girl" "pretty thang"

whenever you're out in public and someone starts hitting on you, she gets super defensive

"my girlfriend is beautiful, isn't she?" "surprised she's single? she isn't, she's with me"

if you two don't spend the night together, she makes sure to call you and say "goodnight, i love you" or "goodmorning, i love you" every time

she'll send you cute texts of things she's doing throughout her day because she just can't stop thinking about you she has to make sure to include you in everything, she loves keeping you in the loop

she also loves when you just talk her ear off

"like i was saying, she was being a total bitch about it! like seriously, how can you give so much work outside of class.." she ends up just staring at you while you talk

she's always touching you.

when you're in public it's less obvious, only linking pinkies or holding hands, but if you're anywhere else she has her hands all over you; your waist, your shoulders, your thighs, she's probably giving you a back rub too that girl just cannot keep her hands off of you

pet names are huge for her

she loves calling you baby, love, some croatian pet names, honey, all the cute stuff

she secretly takes pics of you all the time

on one of your birthdays she surprises you with a book of all the pictures she's taken of you while you've been together she calls it her memory book, and it makes you cry because she loves you enough to keep all these pics

always tells you how proud of you she is

good grade on an exam? proud struggling to do something simple and you finally get it done? proud doing nothing special at all to make her say shes proud? proud she is literally just proud to call you her girlfriend

NSFW

she loves taking care of you in bed

she always makes sure you cum, and if you give to her, she has to give back to you if you want her to

sex is usually pretty soft, but sometimes she loves when you let her do as she pleases

she usually takes the opportunity to make sure it's entirely focused on you

she worships your body and loves praising you

"good girl" "you're doing so good for me" "you're so perfect, my love"

her aftercare is phenomenal

she never leaves you hanging she'll run a bath for you, help you in the shower, cuddles you right after and makes sure you're comfy and okay especially after if you guys are a little more rough than usual

i haven't done headcannons yet, but i felt like this was the perfect time to do so

i actually enjoyed writing these bc it was so easy to, so maybe ill do more if you guys want that

#nika muhl #uconn wbb #lgbtq #nika muhl x reader #seattle storm #wlw #wnba

[idonthaveanyurlideas]

How The Fuck Do Classes At Aguefort Work

AKA Brennan gave me a number of students for this school and I am going to use my expert knowledge of being a teacher in real life to extrapolate things

(disclaimer: i am australian and thus my knowledge is limited to the australian school system of how things are arranged, number of students in each class, etc. this is basically how I would organise aguefort if it were up to me)

SO

aguefort has approximately 500 students split across four year levels, making for about 125 per year level, which you could easily split into 5 'homeroom' classes of about 25 students each. Or 31-32 if you wanted to squish them into 4.

But the thing is, we have all the DND Classes to think about, with each class having its own dedicated teacher and specialist class. There are 12 standard dnd subclasses, plus we know that artificer is also an option, making 13.

It's unlikely that any particular year level has all of its students evenly split between those classes (it would be an average of 9-10 per class if they did, which is quite small for a single class, but not unheard of for (using a real life example) elective subjects like business or design tech)

ADDITIONALLY, we do know that 'regular' classes exist at aguefort, like history and home ec, so I'm assuming other typical subjects like maths, english, science (perhaps broken down into chem/bio/physics, maybe not), maybe PE as well for students that aren't part of one of the martial classes, among other things.

Most likely, the school day is arranged so that each student (assuming this student has a typical workload, AKA nothing absolutely bonkers like what the bad kids are doing in junior year) has at least one Class-Specific class per day, and then some general education ones as well, and then perhaps some more adventuring-focused classes like survival + archery or arcana.

That way each class-specific teacher should be able to fit one lesson with each year level a day, because those classes are probably considered far more important than like. Modern History.

DND-Class classes are likely much smaller and more individualised, and then general ed classes would be with a far bigger group.

I also think Aguefort has a lot of composite classes! Particularly for the less popular Dnd-Classes. Freshman+Sophomores together and then Juniors+Seniors together is probably the most common.

I think sorcery classes are often composites, partly because its one that students Literally have to be born to be able to do, so its not one that other students can multiclass Into, so its numbers probably fluctuate a bunch depending on the cohort.

More technical classes like artificer are probably also composites! Simply because I bet they're less popular than things like Fighters, Rogues, so on.

Bards are also absolutely composites, because they are already split within themselves with multiple teachers depending on the students particular focus (like we did with a separate Music class and Dance class with different bard teachers). So I wouldn't be surprised if some bard classes contain freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors all within the one class and still only have like, ten students total because they're that specialised.

I think combined classes also probably happen on a fairly regular basis. Esp if like, teachers call in sick. The fighters will go join the barbarians for a day, or the clerics will join the paladins.

And then of course they don't actually give a shit if you show up to your classes or not so theres probably some poor admin staff out there who painstakingly arranges every schedule at the start of each semester and then 80% of students ignore half of it anyway

#dimension 20 #this is an incredibly niche rant that probably doesnt even make any major exciting points #but class arrangement is something im passionate about #and the idea of composite and combined classes at aguefort is very fun

[sjmgirlie]

You will never be able to convince me that ACOSF was a good book. Let me explain.

1) It was a literal homicide for all the characters. Every. Single. One. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s from Nesta’s pov or what, but seriously, every single character basically became unlikeable? Rhys? Feyre (to an extent)? Cassian? Mor? Amren? Did Nesta really get much better?? Like no one was really likeable. Maybe Az being the only sane one. Elain showed some teeth which I liked but it still wasn’t the best.

2) Where was the plot? You’re telling me she only found troves and then killed one mortal/made queen? Before you argue, the fact we find out about Nesta’s literal powers in another series says a lot. Why didn’t we find out Nesta had silver flame power (WHICH IS THE NAME OF THE BOOK) in said book??????? Make it make sense. This book didn’t move the plot at all. Other than having the troves now. And killing the one crazy queen. The amount of times we were on the stairs was not needed. Nesta is a massive part of this universe, and yes, she can wield the troves. But everyone who is made can. So like what else could she have done? Something more im sure. I mean that’s why I think she was in HOFAS in the first place. To “conquer” the prison, get gwydion as her return of service, and show her powers. I get that the whole starborn thing needed to happen in HOFAS with Bryce but honestly Nesta needed more. And that’s another reason why people think she’s going to get another book, because what even happened in her book????

3) Nessian. Now here me out. Do we like smut? Yes. Do we like it when there’s actual romance involved? Yes. Did we truly get that? No. It’s been a while since I read this book because I just have no desire for a re-read. I’m sorry. But going from “my only regret in this life is that we did not have time. That I did not have time with you Nesta. I will find you in the next life” (ya I basically memorized it because I was kicking my feet at him saying that) to “I didn’t ask to be shackled to you either” after Nesta, a human turned fae, didn’t care about being called a mate? Like? Absolute homicide to Cassian’s character. Was the hike nice? No. Did he say nice things after she passed out? Yes. But like? I just think they deserved a better romance. And I just literally didn’t even know who I was reading when Cassian was involved. The guy that would crack jokes and just was loving? All of a sudden a mean person? To Nesta too? Like idk. It rubbed me the wrong way. They deserved better. The fact people actually want Eris and Nesta means it CLEARLY did not stick. Which means it was not convincing. No one says this about Feysand. They could have been FIREWORKS. But at times it genuinely didn’t feel like Cassian even liked her??? Where was the golden retriever energy? It was like the guy was on steroids the whole time and just blowing a fuse constantly. That was NOT the Cassian I remembered from ACOWAR. I mean idk maybe it was the fact the reluctant mate trope was just too difficult? The fact it started physically wasn’t my favourite either. Then it was so focused on that that it was like okay were are those romantic moments. “You’re not going to marry Eris” “no” “we will have no others” like that was romantic. Then the shackle thing literally happened the next day. Wtf.

4) Did I relate to Nesta’s issues and healing journey? A bit. But I just found it aggravating at times. I felt there was huge potential to dive into what it is to be the oldest sister. More into alot of things tbh. Her holding the line on Ramiel was a great moment, because she could finally protect people she cared about, but I wish that would have been implied more? Her journey seemed like a huge self insert and idk. It wasn’t as amazing as it could have been.

5) Nesta’s redemption? I don’t even like that word. I wanted people to begin to UNDERSTAND Nesta more. Not just be thankful she saved Feyre/Rhys/Nyx. Like a genuine understanding. Does Cassian? Ya I guess. Elain? It’s said she knew everything Nesta did and why. So yes she did. Az? Ya. He was literally the only one who wasn’t an asshole to her at any point lol. And I wouldn’t consider Elain and asshole to her either because she did just stand up for herself finally. Like imagine the comments you’d hear having Nesta as a sister (for real). But did anyone leave understanding Nesta, understanding why she was snarky and rude? No. Idk if that’s the point to create a divide or what. But seriously. I get Nesta to some degree now. Why did the characters not.

6) Nesta gaining friends was nice and I see why people cling to the Valkyrie. That was literally probably the best part of the book. And that’s saying something about the way the romantic pair was executed might I add. We weren’t obsessed with Feyre and Mor and Amren being friends. We were obsessed with Feysand. But the most you hear from ACOSF is about the Valkyrie.

7) Again. I never truly hated Nesta, but I didn’t necessarily love her after this either. I understood the character more, I saw her own dark thoughts, I saw how she felt, and I understood. But was she my favourite? No. I think her appearance in HOFAS, other than showing her powers (????), was to make Nesta more likeable. Because a lot of people still don’t like her. Like I said, I am PRO ARCHERON FOREVER, but I wanted more for Nesta. I wanted a lot for the girl.

8) The dreaded bonus chapter. I’ve said my opinion on this multiple times. Idk. It’s just hate for Elain that drives it tbh. It’s literally a copy and paste of the Nessian one from ACOMAF basically that if you put it in a plagiarism generator it would probably not pass. YET, it has literally desecrated the fandom. Completely. You literally can’t go anywhere without some ship war happening. And ya, I feed into it too being super pro Elriel because I love them. But damn. Imagine if this energy was put into, idk, theories of the plot? We would have figured out the Maas universe by now tbh. I wish it didn’t exist everyday. And to a lot of people it doesn’t, and I envy them. Life was simpler before the “did you read the bonus chapter” fiasco. And tbh I’m pretty sad that SJM hasn’t said a word about it. Or her publisher because it gets way out of line way too often. The actual love triangle has always been set up as Lucien/Elain/Az, and somehow we left the BC with a square??? Idek.

Overall, it just did not do Nesta or Cassian justice in my mind. It created way too many head canons, it made Cassian unlikeable in a lot of ways (why are you calling Mor beautiful?) and it just seriously destroyed a lot of characters.

I’m really hoping in Elain’s book we, idk, make amends finally? If I have to see another toe to toe battle between Nesta and Rhys I’m going to be sick. They are both right in ways, but I just can’t take it anymore. And this is what I mean about Nesta’s story not being one of UNDERSTANDING. Which is what she NEEDED. TO BE UNDERSTOOD. The rudeness, snarky comments, death glares etc just needed to be understood man.

#elain #elain x azriel #acotar series #pro nesta #pro archeron sisters #pro feysand #pro nessian #but they deserved better #pro elriel #sjm please put us out of our misery #give us the next book #make nessian great again #stop the ship wars

[cubeshapedlemon]

Fallout has officially claimed my heart and soul. i am thinking about it literally all day everything is fallout i have tattooed the entire script of the show and the faces of every single character on my body in photo realistic quality. i had a panic attack because my body misinterpreted my excitement for fallout as anxiety. im not even kidding about that.

#maximus fallout #fallout tv series #fallout #cooper howard #lucy maclean #panic attack #i cant stop thinking about fallout #the goul

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I like your blog, we've been mutuals for years. But blogging about the met gala when there are children dying in Gaza? Fuck the met gala and your celebrity worship

at what point have I made it seem like I don't care about/support what's happening in gaza? I don't share a lot about it, but that's because most of what I see have graphic images and videos attached to the posts, and while I understand the thought process behind sharing them to make it seem more real to people, I'm uncomfortable with it because I know that if I was in that situation, vulnerable and injured or dead, I wouldn't want people gawking at me online just so they can pat themselves on the back for 'suffering in solidarity' by making themselves uncomfortable and miserable looking at me. I'm trying to be respectful. I've still reblogged things about gaza though. but honestly, if you've been following me for years, you'd know I'm a pacifist and wouldn't need me to make a statement saying I don't support people being killed. my God, dude.

also, celebrity worship? I can't even tell you who half the people at the met even were. I just like fashion. I post about a bunch of different things on this blog, and you haven't complained about that, so where's the threshold for things people are allowed to enjoy while bad things are happening in the world? fashion is off limits, but doctor who isn't? I can still post about musicals and not support murder, but aesthetic pictures are on par with launching a bomb myself? I truly hate to break it to you, but sharing links on tumblr is not going to fix this situation. denying yourself any shred of entertainment or enjoyment does not give you a moral high ground. what's happening is horrendous, but even if this is somehow magically peacefully solved tomorrow, there will still be other atrocities happening elsewhere in the world. that's unfortunately just how life goes. in no world am I saying we shouldn't care about every single atrocity that happens, I'm just saying if you can't find some time to be happy in your own life just because bad things are happening to others, you will never truly live a life at all. it sucks! but that's how it is. it's like when someone close to you dies, and the first time you laugh after you've started grieving feels like you're betraying them. but you aren't betraying them for continuing to live, just like you aren't betraying anyone else in the world who's suffering just because you don't spend 24/7 thinking and talking about them.

I do truly, genuinely, hope this all comes to a peaceful end, and soon. I'm not naive enough to believe for certain that it will. but I do know, at the end of the day, people are already aware of it. people know what's going on. sharing photos of dead and mutilated babies will not make any difference. you, and I, and everyone else online are not going to personally save gaza. pressure needs to be put on the people who can actually do something to make a change, and they don't care about what's online. arguing with people because you don't perceive them as doing 'enough' isn't going to accomplish anything other than getting them to a point of making them eye roll whenever they see you post, because at the end of the day, unless you're literally a top politician, you are doing the exact same amount to help as someone who reblogs less posts than you. sorry.

#asks #molly mumbles #save our souls #which is my world news tag btw I also put good things in there but I'm also not great at keeping up with it #it's just occuring to me that someone could see me tag like something good 'save our souls' and think I'm against it lol #thatbakedjedi

[scoops-aboy86]

Not Dating, part 3

part 1, part 2 - also on ao3

Eddie needs better self esteem. In the meantime, he's wallowing and indulging in that Triple Decker Eggo Extravaganza that El told him about. (The great thing is, it's only 8000 calories.)

The first thing Eddie does upon getting home is slam the door of the brand new double-wide that still doesn’t feel quite like home. New walls and new furniture and Wayne had to start a whole new mug and hat collection, which sucks because most of it had been from his long haul trucker days and everything had had a story behind it. Now the stories are mostly, ‘look what I found in a bin at the thrift shop.’

His uncle looks up from the newspaper he’s reading in his (new, not quite broken in yet) recliner and mildly raises an eyebrow. 

The second thing Eddie does is stomp over to the phone and grab the jack that connects it to the wall. “We don’t need this for a few days, right?” he snarls, keeping his voice and expression hard because as soon as he lets up on that facade, the second it cracks, he’s going to fall apart. He hadn’t realized how much Steve had been holding him together lately, but now that’s been yanked out by the roots and he feels dangerously unstable. 

Wayne considers for a moment, then shrugs. “Nah, guess not.”

“Good.” Eddie yanks it and continues to his room without another glance. He slams that door behind him too, digs through the detritus on top of his (new) desk to find the radio Dustin had given him, and turns the knob to off with a vicious twist. 

Then he burrows into his (new) bed and screams into his (new) pillow and wishes that none of it had never happened, that he was still in their old place in its old spot where everything was familiar and he didn’t have scars and he’d never spoken more than a few words to Steve fucking Harrington in his entire, goddamn, shitty little life. 

Over the next few days, Eddie chain smokes through both his cigarettes and his pot stash. Maybe he’ll still leave town, but once the initial angry energy drained away he hasn’t felt like doing anything, so it can wait. The only times he crawls out of bed to use the bathroom or get something to eat. And eat. And eat. 

Yes he’s aware that he’s self-soothing with food, and no he doesn’t give a flying fuck. It feels like a black hole has opened up inside him and what it’s demanding is Eggo waffles with every single little square full up with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and M&Ms. (Eleven had mentioned it in an offhand comment once as her go-to Bad Mood Food, and by god that girl is onto something; it’s bready, creamy, and crunchy combined in every bite.)

But it’s not booze, so Wayne hasn’t commented on these additions to the grocery list. And thank fucking god for that because Eddie doesn’t think he’d be able to talk about much of anything without suffering a complete breakdown—just getting out of bed is hard enough. 

The phone stays unplugged, so if anyone (if Steve) tries to call, Eddie remains blissfully unaware. Max broke in on day two to check for proof of life, turned the radio back on and changed it to an obscure channel, and warned him that if he turned it off again she and the rest of the Party would not be held responsible for Dustin’s actions. So, fine, when Dustin radios to check in Eddie responds, but it’s all brief and monosyllabic, literally just a proof you’re not dead’ call. 

And Eddie is left alone. It’s the way he wants it. 

It’s agony. 

After four days of wallowing in exactly what he deserves for falling for a straight boy, Eddie rolls sluggishly over in bed towards the tap of thrown pebbles on his window. He glares at the offending thing, which he can’t even see through the thick blackout curtain. 

“Fuck off,” he yells, and his voice is hoarse but carries well enough. He slumps back down and starts to pull the blanket back over his head, when the tapping comes again. “What about fuck off did you not—”

“It’s Steve.”

Eddie freezes, then shudders and turns to whine into his pillow, the only word going through his mind a frantic litany of no no no NO. He can’t let Steve see him like this, can’t let the object of his hopeless affection know how much this is hurting him for fear that Steve might try to be nice about it, and that would just blur the lines even more and make things worse. And Eddie hasn’t showered, combed his hair, or brushed his teeth in days, there’s probably chocolate on his face, and the way he can’t even pull his shirt down over his belly is just—no. 

“Absolutely fucking not,” he snarls.

“Eds, please, I made a mistake. I fucked up, I know that, but please let me at least try to fix this.”

And oh, Eddie already knows what mistake Steve made. It’s one thing to be friends with the local gay metalhead and social pariah, but to fuck him? Can’t have that, no fucking sir. 

Instead of answering, he buries himself in his blankets and under his pillow and goes back to wallowing in high gear because it’s all he’s good for right now. A few more days in this cocoon and he’ll come out harder, steeled against Steve’s sweet, prettyboy charms that he must not even realize how thick he lays on all the time, and everything will be fine. Just… just a few more days to forget how cared for Steve had sometimes managed to make him feel while fucking him. 

But he’s forgotten that Steve knows where the spare key is—not that the lock on a trailer door is all that robust, but Wayne has insisted lately after the whole ‘hunt the freak’ debacle, and that’s fair enough. 

“Eddie.” Spoken in a shaky but determined voice right outside his bedroom door. “You don’t have to let me in, just… Hear me out, okay?”

Oh, now you want to talk, Eddie grumbles internally. But not out loud, oh no; his plan is to ignore Steve until he goes away. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything. 

It sounds like Steve is sitting down out there, thumping against the door or maybe one of the walls and sliding all the way down. Four days apart and part of Eddie still aches to see him, pictures against his will how Steve might look right now. His imagination wants to paint shadows underneath Steve’s eyes, wants to think that he’s at least lost some sleep over this even if it’s a long shot, lips bitten red and begging for a kiss, their first—

Eddie loathes himself. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your question,” Steve is saying, and he does sound tired, at least. That’s something. “It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just had… too many thoughts, it was like a traffic jam in my head. But I don’t want you to think I don’t want this, you. Because I like you, Eddie.” 

I like you.

Like you.

Because I like you, Eddie. 

Eddie has gone so still that he’s not even breathing, and Steve keeps talking. 

“I really do. As more than just a friend, okay? So I don’t… Don’t not come to movie nights, please. If it’s the kids too or just us, I don’t care; I want you to be there. I always want you to be there.”

His first instinct is to be angry. If that’s how Steve really feels, why had he let Eddie leave? Had he even tried to call? Why did it take days for him to show up? 

Then Eddie thinks, Well why wouldn’t it take the better part of a week to come to terms with liking someone like me, and the anger sputters out. 

Because it’s not like he’s a catch or anything. A three-time senior who never managed to graduate (never mind that he’d gotten his GED with flying colors on the first try), known around town for selling drugs and being briefly arrested for triple homicide… Son of a criminal and a drug addict. Raised in a trailer park, a far cry from the big houses in Loch Nora, unless his dad dragged him out that way to case the neighborhood or something. 

And even before the scars, he’d never really thought of himself as attractive. Okay at best. He’s proud of his long hair and his tats—or he had been, before patches of them had gone the same way as one of his fucking nipples. Besides all that, there’s…

Deep in his burrow of blankets, Eddie feels along the lower curve of his belly and wonders if Steve would’ve turned up on day two or three instead of four if he hadn’t gained so much weight lately. Despite how all this had started. Despite the belly rubs and how those kind touches had become something heated, almost reverent. Despite how Steve had always brought him more to eat and drink, sometimes before Eddie even had to ask, like he just knew—  

“... Eddie? Are you still in there, man?”

He can’t contain his loud, scoffing snort, because there are only two ways out of his room and it’s not like he can just shimmy out a window these days. Which hasn’t been a problem until now, when the man of his dreams is blocking the door to offer… what, some sort of pity relationship? For Eddie to be his gay experiment? To be called man during emotional moments like they’re bros or something?

“Okay,” Steve sighs, and Eddie would bet real money that he was running a hand through his hair as he said it. “Guess I deserved that. Sorry.”

And he really does sound sorry, but honestly? That’s not the only thing that has Eddie crawling desperately out of bed. It’s that he needs to see Steve’s face when he sees what Eddie has devolved into over the past few days. Greasy, unwashed, heavier, with traces of his go-to depression meal around his mouth, wearing only an ill-fitting shirt and ratty boxers. Because that’s when he’ll know, right? However Steve reacts when he opens that door, that’s how Eddie will know. 

So he gets up, itching from new stretch marks and stumbling a little with the long put-off need to stretch his legs. Shuffles over and grabs the doorknob so tight his knuckles go an even paler shade than the rest of him, and jerks it open. 

Too quick for Steve to react. And he had been sitting dejectedly against the door, because when it opens in and he ends up flat on his back with his head on Eddie’s one-socked-one-not feet. Staring up at the underside of Eddie’s gut, which, goddammit, means Eddie can’t see his face. 

“Shit,” Steve breathes. And then he’s scrambling up to where Eddie can see he’s flushed all the way down to his chest, courtesy of a butter-yellow Henley open at the collar by a few buttons. 

That’s when Eddie notices the bouquet of flowers clutched in Steve’s hand, maybe a little worse for wear from falling but the bottoms of the stems wrapped carefully in wet paper towel, plastic sandwich bag, and a rubber band. It’s a home job, not from some shop. They’re wildflowers. 

“What,” Eddie croaks. His voice gives out on the rest, which should have been, the hell do you want, Harrington? But Steve… Steve brought him fucking flowers that he’d bothered to pick himself. 

Steve isn’t wrinkling his nose in disgust at Eddie’s unkempt appearance, and he’s not looking away. Instead, he wets his lips nervously and can’t seem to look anywhere else. “Eds, I…” He runs his free hand through his hair, then shakes his head. “Damn, I had it all worked out with Robin and now I can’t remember any of it.”

“You told Robin,” Eddie says slowly. Not even a question, because it makes perfect sense that Steve would tell his best friend everything—and yet it doesn’t, because straight boys never tell anyone. Straight boys usually threaten him with violence to keep him from telling anyone. “About… us.”

“Yeah,” Steve admits. “I needed a sounding board… Sorry, if that’s, uh. If you didn’t want me too. She won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

And why does it sound like Steve is the one reassuring him about that? Steve is a catch. Steve is handsome, could probably have any girl in town if he really put the effort in. Eddie would shout from the rooftops that he bagged Steve Harrington if it wouldn’t probably get him killed—again.  

When Eddie doesn’t respond, just stares at him blankly, Steve thrusts out the bouquet. “Anyway. These are for you. Peace offering? I just want to talk.”

Eddie is so confused. He feels grimy and gross and slow, and he doesn’t know if he still wants to be angry or if there’s still some other feeling buried under the rubble of his composure. So he blinks, opens his mouth, blinks again, says, “Can you put them in a mug or something? I need to take a shower first.”

He doesn’t know how to feel right now, so buying himself some time will have to do.

Permanent tag list: @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @tangerinesteve

Tag list (comment to be added or move to the perma list): @westifer-dead @eyehartart @sofadofax

#steddie #wg steddie #scoops words #chubby eddie munson #wg not dating #slight cw for eddie briefly thinking negatively about his weight #but mostly he just doesn't see himself as a catch overall

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Hi! I love love love how you write for Lucifer and I want to thank you for all your works! I always reread something of yours because it makes me incredibly happy!!

I have to ask how Lucifer would be like to a reader with the 5 love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch)? And what could the reader do for Lucifer in the same way?

Thank you so so much, your support literally means everything to me 😭😭💖💖

And I think Lucifer uses all 5 of these love languages often!

Words of Affirmation: This man worships the ground you walk on and he’s not afraid to say it! Every other sentence out of his mouth is how much he loves you and appreciates you and cares for you! He has so many pet names for you that you’ve lost count!

Acts of Service: Lucifer would move heaven and earth for you! Anything you would ever need or want will be done, no questions asked! You’d probably have to remind him that you can do things for yourself and he doesn’t have to wait at your hands and feet at every moment!

Receiving Gifts: My guy is the best gift giver! If he’s not buying you lavish things, he’s making them for you in his workshop! You have so many cute little rubber duckies because Lucifer loves spoiling you with his creations and you love every single one of them!

Quality Time: He’s been cooped up in his manor alone for so long now, this man is attached to your hip! Any free time he has, he’s spending it with you whether it be a night on the town or a relaxing day at home. Lucifer needs to spend as much time with you as he can!

Physical Touch: Oh don’t even get me started on this one because you know damn well Lucifer is touching you in some way, shape, or form when he’s with you. He is beyond touch starved and needs to hold you close to him, his biggest fear is that he’s going to lose you. He’s holding your hand, massaging your shoulders, cuddling with you, the whole nine yards! I hope you’re prepared for a TON of kisses 🥰

The reader is a little tough since everyone is different! But if I was speaking for myself, my two major ones are Quality Time and Gifts! I love spending time with the people I care about and gift giving gives me so much serotonin, it lets my loved ones know that I was thinking of them and I love seeing them happy! You best believe I’m showering this man in gifts and spending every minute I can with him 😍

#ask #anon #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar

[tame-a-messenger]

Damangela lives rent free on smoshtwt

...but in the most unfortunate way because have they not seen from this fixation of theirs that there's a section of us who will have a field day if Damien surprise us one day as a guest in a Starkid prod? Or another variant at Smosh where both Angela and Damien can showcase their talents and intellect? Their chaotic bickering is like treats because there's also other Smosh duos that have it too. But those fewer times where they truly shine, whether they're in the same video or not, really feels like a reward to witness it unfold.

(I am one of those who like this duo because of their musical inclinations and astounded by their way of thinking)

I simply don't know what they are trying to impose. The perfect person podcast really sealed it to me. That if what they imply is she only tolerates every interaction she had with him is simply off the marks. The pièce de résistance they can't ever refute.

Is it also not a tad reaching to practically put it on blast with their straw picking speculation that it was a Damien thing where they perceived him not being as socially adept in a way he is not in good terms to his coworkers? That's not a good look to give to someone who was masking before.

Smoshtwt can be too much sometimes,

I think I finally figured out why the interactions between here (tumblr) and there (Twitter) are so different - They partake in 'Stan' culture, while over here is a bit more rooted in classic 'Fandom' culture.

If you didn't know, 'Stan' comes from combining 'Stalker' and 'Fan' (I believe originating in the K-pop community) (though if you google it, it says it comes from an Eminem song. Funny, but I don't think that's right) so it's a bit more... intense. (either origin for 'Stan' is pretty extreme though)

That and Twitter in general festers a more hostile community. The more you make someone mad the more they interact with you, so Twitter pushes that content because of that.

(Back to your ask)

I don't know if I could physically watch a Starkid production with Damien in it, PURELY because I'd be TOO DAMN HAPPY. I'd be pausing every second and hyperventilating lol. (fr though, that would be SO FUCKING COOL!!)

It's maybe a little bit of a weird relation but, their dynamic to me is like watching a movie with incredible writing? For example of what I mean by that- Their Reddit Stories Ep really had me thinking totally different about all the situations. Literally every story Shayne would read out I would be thinking about what I thought about it, (I like to see if anyone on the couch is going to have similar opinions to me) and every. single. story. Angela and Damien came up with points I never even thought about, but were SO RIGHT!

He'd bring up something, then she'd dunk it with the most factual thing I've ever heard! (that guy not being able to wear that watch ever in front of his girlfriend !!) That whole episode is so good just for the way they both problem solve and how well they compliment each others opinions! They just have such good dialogue with each other. (Genuinely Oscar worthy writing in that episode of RS)

Every time I come across a post ANYWHERE talking about how they don't get why people even like Damangela because "Angela doesn't even seem to like Damien" it makes my eyes pop out of my skull.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? DO WE KNOW THE SAME ANGELA AND DAMIEN???

Like the sheer amount they both have gone on record saying how much they enjoy each others presence and love each other doesn't mean anything to them?! The amount they make each other laugh??

Like it really does come across as these Accounts just really not liking Damien more than anything to actually do with his and Angela's dynamic. (I could talk about reasons why Damien comes across as 'awkward' or 'bad with coworkers' to some people at length, but I'll save that for another day)(<-signed, Another Neurodivergent person with people issues <3)

I'm also totally convinced all the people hating on Damangela haven't seen much content with both of them in it. That's the only reason I would accept as to why they hate Damangela so much lol, they truly just don't know what they're missing out on <3

#Damien Haas #Angela Giarratana #Damngela Dynamic Enjoyer #Damangela #Damien and Angela #Damien x Angela #Damngela #Damien/Angela #smoshblr #some twitter users fr have never met an ornery person before ever in their life.. #Both of them are so fucking ornery sometimes! its a way of life <3 #Just because they get annoyed at each other sometimes doesnt mean they arent friends !!! #I have literally NEVER seen Damien consistently annoyed at Angela EVER #(he was annoyed in DWMP:CL where she kept saying she “stopped listening” a bunch But even then she made it up to him in that same stream) #And Angela has definitely gotten a lil annoyed at him at times but she's just an ornery bundle regardless if Damien was involved or not #I am also (by default) easily annoyable its really not as deep as people make it out to be (sometimes I'm just hungry) #Honestly they seem like people that NEED to be able to be annoyed over each other #They both really light up if they get to debate about something so I think its safe to assume they like the turmoil lol (im the same way)

[halsinsnaturepocket]

I think my partner's egg is cracking 👀

Seriously I think my husband might be my wife, actually.

It's been a long-running theory of mine tbh

He always makes a comment about how 90% of the things he's into are also very Important to a lot of trans women (Evangelion, twin peaks, LoZ, to name just a few things)

He follows a lot of people on Twitter who end up being trans women and he tells me about every single one of them

The other day we were walking around target and I had to buy some clothes and some other fem maintenence stuff and he was commenting on how tedious it must be to transition mtf because not only do you have to deal with an annoying transition, everything is more expensive because the Pink Tax is very real

And last night he shaved his entire beard off (he's never done that before) and said it was hard to remove the stubble, I joked and said I could wax it for him and be said he honestly thought about it)

He's always kept his hair long (his hair is gorgeous and it's longer than mine is)

But when I asked him why he shaved his beard off he said "reasons." (Which usually means 'I have a reason and I'm not ready to talk about it yet.')

I'm kinda giddy with excitement but I'm also so so anxious. I've been telling him how cute he looks without the beard and I've been extra affectionate lately since he's been kinda depressed/distant.

My only concern is for his safety and mental health. Being a woman is hard and being a trans woman is so much harder. I just want to be supportive 😭

Part of me hopes I'm wrong, maybe hes just testing it out, transitions are a perilous journey and change is scary

but I've seen enough eggs cracking (literally almost all of my friends are trans/nb) to know the signs when I see them.

Anyway. Idk if I want advice. Maybe I do. Idk. I'm so anxious.

#carm rambles #this is too personal for main #shut up carm

[lotus-pear]

whatever happens, please don’t break

#god not a fucking DAY goes by where i don’t think of that one interview and this quote #does anybody have it word for word? please? i’ll pay you #literally every single time i think about how kunikida as w character was MADE for dazai. specifically to share his suffering #i actually sob into my hands because that means they were both destined for tragedy together and the long dark road they will walk #will at least not be lonely. because they have each other. they are each other’s light in the darkness. #DO YOU UNDERSTAND #bro the fact that kunikida is painfully aware of the imperfection of the world and how he still continues to fight for his ideals #paralleling dazai who finds humanity beautiful but cannot become attached bc he feels alienated from emotion #THE WAY THEY COULD HELP EACH OTHER????? SICK SICK SICK I AM SICK #i love kunikidazai sm i wish more ppl could see the potential #but some of you aren’t ready for the sheer perfection of their dynamic #also i’ve noticed that i am only capable of drawing dazai properly when it’s with kunikida what’s up with that 💀 #and sorreyy i know their height difference isn’t THAT big but i didn’t realize until i was halfway into the coloring 😔💔 #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #kunikida doppo #doppo kunikida #kunikidazai #knkdz #kunizai #lotus draws

[camberdraws]

he is ourple

#art #artists on tumblr #illustrators on tumblr #pikmin #purple pikmin #my art #I literally think about pikmin every single day

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression