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mde1011 · 3 years

Text

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

55 notes · View notes

thatnerdwolfnell · 3 years

Note

Pocky challenge: MC x Main six

The Pocky game is a party game played withPocky, a Japanese chocolate- or candy-coated biscuit snack. Two participants place the Pockybetween them “Lady and the Tramp” style, and try to be the last to hold onto the biscuit, often resulting in a kiss.

^coppied from google.

Ohohoho. Yes. Thank you. I love you. This would have been done yesterday, but I was a dumb bastard and I ran out of my meds so I was busy feeling like general shit. Sidenote: me and my uni friends used to do this with gummy bears before Covid because we have no shame I guess? Idk.

Pocky game Mc and Main 6

Asra:

He loves it. Even when you kiss him regularly he still loves the thrill and challenge of the game.

He has a bit of a competitive streak so if he has to he will full on kiss you and suck the slimy ass pocky out of your mouth. (I'm sorry for that image)

When he pulls out some strawberry pocky hes already got that cheeky knifecat smirk on his face.

He rattles the box a bit specifically to draw your attention

He gets that dark heavy sparkle in his eyes as he puts the strawberry end between his lips and just looks at you, completely still.

You try to hide your smile, you love when he gets like this.

Asra has a thing for games.

You shift over on the couch enough that you can take the end of end of the pocky in your teeth.

He leans in to take another bite and steadies you with an unexpected hand sliding up from the small of your back.

you raise an eyebrow

The corner of his mouth twitches up into a grin.

he takes a deep breath and holds it as he inches closer. He somehow has nibbling the pocky within millimeters down to a practiced skill and he always holds his breath when he starts getting close. It's a focus thing and probably to keep from moving too much. You can tell he expects to win.

You lace a hand through his hair gently anchoring at the nape of his neck, and bite off most of your end

He blinks in surprise and finally lets out his breath slow enough that it catches in his throat and sends goosebumps down your spine.

His face is so warm next to yours. You can hear his heartbeat, quick and shallow in his chest.

"Gib ub yet?" You ask. There's not much left of the pocky but you know he won't stop.

He grins around the pocky.

The hand on your back slides to your waist. The other skims along your thigh and you gasp slightly.

He doesn't break eye contact. You let out a shaky breath as he nibbles just enough off to keep your lips from touching. If you moved you could easily kiss him.

He plays dirty. He likes teasing you. Waiting for your next move.

You kiss him hard and push him down onto the couch taking the whole last bit of the pocky in your mouth and crunching down.

He tilts his head back and laughs his hair falling back into his face.

"mm I think you cheated" he smirks and leans in to kiss along your jaw

"So did you." You say. You grab another pocky and smooth his hair away from his face before you push off.

Nadia:

Well Nadia isn't really one for party games but she IS one for food. (I think we have a couple different canon scenes I could use as evidence here)

She's never heard of it but she's intrigued.

It's after dinner and you're both still at the table. This isn't something she would ever do in public

"If you wanted me to kiss you, all you had to do was ask...but if you'd rather earn it that can be arranged"

She takes a pocky and gently feeds the end in your mouth.

"If you drop it you'll have to earn my kisses some other way. And I'll be sure to make it a very long night."

She smiles sweetly with just a hint of a smirk and your heart skips a beat.

The way she looks at you with so much reverence, like you're one of her intricate, beautiful machines and she'll take you apart piece by piece just to understand every part.

She starts eating her end and you do the same. She somehow looks elegant with her lips pressed around the pocky and the heat of her breath condensing against the chocolate.

She pauses at the very last bit and let's you close the gap. Her lipstick tastes sweet and floral.

You deepen the kiss and run a hand along her shoulder.

She grabs you by the waist and leans you back against the table in one smooth movement without breaking the kiss.

One hand pins your wrist against the wood above your head while the other is still wrapped around your waist under your back so that it arches slightly.

"I didn't say you could do that, MC." There's amusement in her voice that draws in a low whisper.

She gently caresses down your neck stopping in the middle of your chest. "But I don't want to wait."

She kisses you and you kiss back letting your hands wander through her hair while she presses down over you.

"that's good, love. We should do this more often."

Julian:

He suggests it at the rowdy raven one night. A game he picked up in his pirate days.

"Come on, who's down for a little fun? Make the party more interesting."

Nadia rolls her eyes.

Portia immediately looks at you and pointedly tilts her head at Julian, wiggling an eyebrow suggestively.

You blush a little. You're about to volunteer to play when Lucio steps in.

"I'm up for the challenge. Give you a chance to get near my lips, hey Jules?"

If Julian is disappointed, he doesn't show it. He just grins and pulls out a pocky. "Alright that's the spirit!"

They move down the pocky rather fast and it's clearly a competition. Neither hesitates before meeting in the middle. Julian pulls of with a dramatic peck before pulling away just as fast.

"Anybody else?"

"I'll go!" You take your chance a little too quickly and you see Portia smile in the corner of your eye.

Ah MC. Perfect!" He seems surprised. Maybe a little flustered.

You take a pocky in your mouth and offer him the other end.

He blushes and leans in to start chipping at the biscuit.

He smells like salt and leather. You can feel his heartbeat in his lips moving the stick.

You lean in further, resting a hand on his knee as if for balance. He stiffens but you can see his smirk grow wider.

You both hesitate at the last little piece, caught in the moment of closeness. You start to move to take it and kiss him but he pulls away before you do.

You look at him startled. He's bright red and flustered.

"Ah. um MC I- I didn't think you were going to-"

He's been doing this. Avoiding you when he knows you both want it. You've had enough of that.

"Did you want to?"

He blinks. "What?"

"Kiss me. Did you want to?"

You hold him under your gaze and his eyes soften into something like longing. Or guilt. Or hunger.

"...yes." he says it simply and quietly. Like the only true thing he can find in a single soft word.

And you kiss him. You feel him melt into the kiss and he's kissing you back.

You hold his face in your hands and he pulls you in closer.

You can feel how much he wants this. Like water in the desert. His brow is furrowed in desperation. You break away.

The hurt in his eyes is obvious and you brush his hair out of his face rubbing a thumb along his cheek.

"Hey," you look him in the eyes and try to convey everything in that look. "I'm not going anywhere, you get that?"He nods.

"We can have this all the time." You say.

His eyes wander down your body. "All the time..." He repeats softly.

You kiss him again, much gentler this time. He pulls you in and you feel like THIS is how things were always supposed to be. And this is the life you want to have. With Julian and your friends, and everything right in the world.

Muriel :

He is a blushy boy. But he's been approaching things like this with curiosity, and maybe even wonder, even if it can be hard to tell.

He never refuses a touch or a kiss, and for a while you weren't sure he knew he COULD refuse.

You don't want to make him uncomfortable and you were worried he just tolerated it for your sake.

While he's been getting better, he still lacks awareness of what he wants and likes. You've been helping him figure out his boundaries after years of having them constantly violated and convincing himself that it doesn't matter.

When you told him he seemed surprised. "No, I like it, MC. I always like it." He made it clear that he would say no if he was uncomfortable, "like with cantaloupe or bananas." He said.

(Not eating foods he didn't like had been game changer. A lot of textures bother him.)

Since then he's been making more of an effort to initiate and touch has become something of communication for him.

Hand squeezes for comfort, an arm barring you from accidentally stepping in a rabbit hole, a touch on the shoulder to say "be careful", a nudge to say "look at this", a nuzzle into your neck to say "I love you"

It's just easier than talking. It's how he's always talked to Asra amd Inanna despite the telepathy.

But this is something different.

"But...why?" He asks as you take a pocky from the box. He's already blushing like crazy.

"Because it's fun." You say and you put the end in your mouth.

He frowns but you can see the amusement in his eyes.

He takes a small bite off the end and leans back chewing it curiously.

You laugh. "No, you're supposed to keep going and we hold on until we get to the middle."

"Oh." He leans back in and starts eating away at his end. He looks at you for confirmation, a look of confusion on his face.

You smile and inch closer.

He's bright red and you can feel the heat from his face and his heartbeat, strong and fast.

You both pause at the last bit, daring the other to make a move.

His green eyes are bright and sharp as they lock with yours for just a glance.

Then he closes the gap kissing you gently. Eyes closed, taking the last bit before moving away.

A hand rests on your waist and the other on your shoulder.

"Sorry, did you want the last bit?" You think he's teasing you, but the alarm in his eyes say he's completely serious.

You laugh "no, of course not. I just wanted to kiss you."

He smiles and pulls you into his arms. "I know. But I thought you still... might have wanted it." He shrugs.

He looks down at you and you feel his heart skip. "You could still taste it. ...if you wanted to that is."

What? His mouth twitches up into a slight smirk.

OH.

You kiss him for real this time. And you both end up on the floor of the hut laughing.

You kiss him again.

And he kisses you.

Again and again and again.

Portia:

Yeah she's definitely played before.

Something about the kitchen staff at the last masquerade?

Anyway the rowdy raven has gotten, well, rowdy.

Julian brought the pocky and there's enough overly competitive people in the room that there's been a few kisses.

Portia grabs the box from brother and shakes it teasingly in your direction.

"MC!" She winks. "How about it?"

Her face is flushed from Mazelinka's sangria that she snuck in (which you're pretty sure is actually just pure liquor) but Portia can hold her drink despite going red rather quickly.

You grin. "If you think you're up for it."

You get up and sit down next to her and move a piece of hair off her shoulder, resting your hand there longer than you need to.

She's beautiful when she's smiling like this, having fun.

You can't help a bit of a smile when she leans into your hand slightly while she takes out a pocky.

While you're distracted, she suddenly pokes the end into your mouth making you jump back in surprise.

"Mm hey!"

She just laughs leaning back in the booth letting her giggles fade with a snort.

"Don't drop it!" She says between laughs.

"I'b not!" The pocky is still hanging from your mouth and you wiggle it around for emphasis.

She leans forward and takes the other end in her mouth.

Her eyes sparkle and suddenly she's reaching her arms around your waist pulling you in closer

Your eyes widen and she smirks. You feel the exhale of a silent laugh on your skin.

You're so close and she's so warm. Your heart is pounding.

There isn't much left of the stick and you're not sure if–

Oh.

You didn't mean to but now your lips are together and they're warm and solid and everything seems to explode at once.

The last bit of pocky falls to the ground as you gasp.

She frowns slightly when you pull away, but she still has that self-satisfied expression.

You lean in again and lift your hand towards her face. Hesitating. Waiting for permission.

But then she gives you a look through her lashes. She glances again at your lips.

You tilt your head as you lean in and close your eyes, cradling her face in your hand and letting the other press against her waist.

She moves closer and you can feel her chest pressing against yours.

You pull her tighter and she makes a small delighted noise between a laugh and a gasp.

"Oh. I love this." You say between kisses.

She grins. "This'll be an adventure, hey?"

Lucio:

He sets the box of pocky on the table in front of you.

"You've heard of the pocky game right?"

You nod, unsure of where this is going. Normally Lucio is pretty straightforward about kissing you.

"Well how about a little wager? If you win I'll get you whatever the hell you want, a whole shopping spree of the finest jewels, clothes, whatever."

You nod again. "Alright and if you win?"

He shifts uncomfortably wringing his hands. "Well, if I win.... youhavetotakeCamiotohisvetcheckup."

You sigh. Oh god. So that's what this was about. Camio HATED the vet. That rascal of a bird would be screeching insults the whole time.

You could see why Lucio was trying to get out of it.

You love that little shit, but damn he could be annoying. He's the kind of bird that will hold a grudge for about a week, and he does not take vet trips lightly.

"Please?" Says Lucio, "and if we meet in the middle we go together."

"You realize that I could just say no and make you do it yourself, right?"

"But you're not going to because I'm your boyfriend and you love me?"

You frown.

"Okay but then you wouldn't get to kiss me. Plus Camio likes you more, he'll be nicer with you there."

You pause considering. It WOULD be good to have a buffer instead of leaving the poor vet with Camio and Lucio by themselves.

"Fine, but ONLY if you win, remember?"

"YES!" he eagerly grabs a pocky and sticks one end in his mouth.

You take the other end and start chewing as fast as you can.

He takes a moment to get his bearings and catch up but once he does you're both at the very end right before the middle.

Neither of you want to move, both trying to avoid the task.

You try to get him to back down by inching a little closer, but he stays put.

He moves the tiniest bit.

And then you kiss.

fuck.

"YES!" He shouts, jumping back in triumph.

"You have to come too, still." You say.

Yeah but i won't mind if you're there."

You sigh and lean back.

"Oh come on don't look like that. We'll do a half shopping spree. That seems more fair anyway. I get half a win, you get half a win."

You laugh. "Alright, alright. Where is that stupid bird anyway?"

201 notes · View notes

untaemedqueen · 4 years

Text

Salute (M)

Seokjin x Wife!Reader

Request: Can i request a oneshot of husband seokjin coming back from military and seeing his wife with their newborn daughter which was a surprise to him and some smut.

Do you do requests? If you do, i would like to have a military husband oneshot, it can be any member, in the hyung line, it's up to you, whenever you can write. Have a great day amd stay safe.🤗

WordCount: 3.8k

Genre: Teeny Bit of Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Fellatio, Cum Swallowing, Unprotected Sex (We Know What To Do, Don’t We Readers?)

A/N: I LOVE HUSBAND JIN

The spring air is refreshing today, the gentle breeze blowing in Hannam makes Seokjin stop short as he takes a deep breath in through his nose. His hand brushes at his one inch tall hair before sighing.

He was finally home after two years. Finally, able to get back to his normal life and back to you. He promised you that you would get married before he went into the military and he kept his promise.

He rarely got time to come home due to the branch of the military he chose. Everyone told Seokjin to become a conscripted police officer because it would be easy, but Jin was the oldest of his group -- he was mature and wanted to set a good example for the boys and his fans. So he joined The Homeland Defense Branch, and it took him away for a long time. He rarely saw you, his wife who he loved so dearly and his members who he loved just as much.

Seokjin fixes his uniform, sighing. His eyes stare at your apartment building, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Okay." he whispers, walking towards the building.

Seokjin was always deemed a bit lanky, before he went off to the military but no one would dare call him that now.

He trained hard, wanting to give it his all like he so normally does. His broad shoulder muscles twitch and flex with each step he takes down the hallway. Humming gently, he enters the numbers into the door pad, taking a deep breath. His excitement reaches a high as he throws open the door.

"Kim Y/N!" he screams loudly, the echo reverberating through the large living room.

"Our Jin!" you scream back, running down the hallway.

He laughs loudly as you come into view. Your body is on his in an instant, jumping into his arms. His handsome face buries into your hair, sighing happily.

"I love you. I missed you so much." he gasps, kissing at your temple.

You giggle, holding him tightly.

"Wow, you smell like home." Jin whispers, closing his eyes.

The silence between the both of you is comfortable and you embrace each other for the first time in so long that you feel absolute elation.

Your reveries are broken in an instant when the sound of childlike crying hits your ears. Your body goes rigid and you clear your throat, pulling back from your loving husband. His head shoots up immediately at the noise.

You give a half hearted giggle, biting your bottom lip. "Welcome home?"

Jin throws his bags down, furrowing his eyebrows and taking off towards the sounds. He can hear his heart beat pounding throughout his ears as he falters against the wall.

You had a fucking baby?!

WITH WHO?!

HE'S BEEN GONE FOR A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE YOU LAST SAW HIM!

Seokjin barrels down the familiar hallway, shoving the guest room door open.

A baby, almost a year old, whinges and cries loudly in their crib. Jin has it in his right mind to curse at you and scream but as he steps forward -- the baby looks just like him, just as handsome as his father.

"Wha-" Jin backs up into the now open door. His head smacks into the white wood as you walk past him and pick up his son.

"This is Minseok." you whisper, looking up at your husband.

"Huh?!" Jin gawks, falling to his knees and shaking his head utterly confused.

"When we last saw each other... I-I got pregnant."

Jin puts his hands over his face, letting out a strangled gasp. "No! That's-That's impossible...I-''

But it was entirely possible, he can remember that day so well.

Seokjin thrusts gently lolling his head back.

"What if I got you pregnant? Hmm? Would you like that, baby?"

You moan gently, grabbing on to his toned muscles before nodding. "Yes, please! Put a baby in me."

Seokjin rolls his hips, laying his weight above you. His hips begin to thrust relentlessly, burying his face into your neck. "Oh fuck, you feel so good."

His hands grabbing at your knees, folding your body in half underneath him. "Oh shit! I'm cumming! Let me cum inside your pussy. Take my cum like a good girl."

Seokjin blushes, remembering your night together before gripping the door knob and standing up.

"Minseok?" he asks quietly, stepping behind you.

His son’s big eyes look up at him as he puts his hand over his mouth.

"This is your daddy!" you say happily, pushing back Minseok's hair.

"Wow." Jin mumbles, holding out his index finger.

Minseok grabs a hold of his finger with his chubby hand. A ball forms in Jin's throat making it difficult to swallow.

"Oh my God." he whispers, putting his hands out and picking up his son.

You’re elated to hand him his son and you can only smile as Seokjin presses the baby to his chest. His bright smile illuminates the room and his lips tremble when he presses a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"He smells so good." he breathes, rocking the baby gently.

You hum in agreement watching Jin's eyes screw shut. His lips tremble harder on Minseok's forehead as he begins to cry.

"Aish." he sniffles, looking up at the ceiling.

"Why didn't you write to me? Tell me we had a son on the way?!" he hisses quietly, watching Minseok grab at his uniform.

Minseok's head presses against Jin's wide shoulder before closing his eyes, earning a soft mewl from his father.

"Because a letter couldn't hold the excitement and joy." you reply, making him sigh.

He angles his head as his son falls asleep on his shoulder, watching with adoring eyes and wiping at his cheeks childishly with the back of his hand. "Did the guys take care of you? Give you everything you needed?"

He is always quick to bring up his members which makes you smile. "They were great. Yoongi loves Minseok so much. If you didn't come back he was probably going to adopt him."

Jin chuckles, rocking his son asleep. "Fuck, this is amazing."

He bends down, watching the baby's head. He gives you a chaste kiss and you can feel his pride and happiness bleed from his plush lips. "Thank you, baby. Thank you for my son."

You hug him tightly as he slings his arm over your shoulder.

Jin lays his nine month old son on his lap, still in a daze. His leg holds up the baby and he rubs smooth, soft circles over his sleeping back.

"I mean, Jesus Christ, I never thought you would have even had a baby. You look amazing." he comments, making you smile.

"I've been working out with Jeongguk." you tell him, handing him a glass of white wine.

He smiles at the mention of his youngest brother.

"They'll probably be here soon. They come over every other day to feed and play with Minseok."

Jin hums, sipping his wine. He pats the seat next to him, sighing happily. Your body coddles into his as you press your cheek to his shoulder.

"How was it? Your pregnancy without me?"

You can hear the guiltiness in his voice and you know it’s because you were all alone through all of it.

"I had morning sickness a lot but after that went away it was fine. I wish you could have seen Minseok being born."

Jin nods, looking down at his son. His thumb caresses his small chubby cheek lovingly. This feeling of fatherhood has just exploded within him and he’s so proud to have you as his wife. You’re nothing short of a miracle.

"Namjoon was recording my birth and then he just passed out so there isn't anything to watch."

Jin laughs loudly throwing his head back, windshield wipers on full speed as he laughs. You smile at the infectious laughter, hugging his stomach tightly.

"I love you." your husband breathes, kissing your forehead.

"I love you too."

Jin looks around the living room before leaning back and smirking. It isn't a stretch for him to think this is the happiest he's ever been. Just a few hours ago he became a dad and his life feels so fulfilled.

The door pad goes off and Jin turns his head to the loud noise.

"Where's my little munchkin?!" Jeongguk cheers happily.

The youngest looks up after taking his shoes off, stopping short in the hallway. His body lurches forward as countless bodies slam into one another behind him.

"What's wrong with you?!" Yoongi chides, peeking around the youngest member.

"HYUNG!" Jeongguk cheers ecstatically.

You giggle, lifting Minseok off Jin's leg. Jin is quick to make sure his son is okay before springing up and running over to his members as they file into the apartment.

"Hyung!" Jimin whines loudly as his six younger brothers hug him tightly.

"I was going to see you guys tomorrow!" Jin announces, watching them discard their shoes carelessly to the side.

"It's Friday. We always come and see Seok on Friday." Taehyung cheers, clapping his hands as Minseok stirs from his sleep.

Taehyung opens his mouth widely, shuffling over and holding out his arms. You hand him Minseok, leaning back into the couch and groaning.

"Hey! How could you not tell me I had a son?!" your husband complaims loudly, widening his eyes and thrusting his finger at them in typical Seokjin fashion.

"Because he's the best surprise ever!" Hoseok coos, patting Jin's back and smiling when Minseok grabs onto his finger.

"Aigo. Aigo!" Yoongi mewls, kissing Minseok's forehead.

Jin looks over the guys before looking down at his feet. He was alone in the entryway. "Hey! I just got back from the military!"

Jimin stands up straight, giving Jin a salute. Your husband’s mouth drops open when Jimin goes back to kissing Minseok's hand.

You grab Jin's wine glass, taking a sip. "No use, they'll be all over the baby till he goes to bed." you tell your husband, who scoffs shutting the front door.

"He does look just like me, though, right?"

The guys hum in agreement, smiling at Jin.

"Just another Worldwide Handsome." Jeongguk comments cutely.

"Y/N punched me in the jaw." Hoseok clarifies, feeding Minseok.

"I DID NOT!" you shout from the kitchen, your hands still continuing to prepare the boys' food.

"Yum yum!" Yoongi whispers happily, picking up Minseok's bib and wiping the sweet potato puree from his chin.

"Yes! You did!" Hoseok laughs, pointing the small rubber spoon at you as Jin sits forward. His elbows rest on his knees, taking in how normal this situation is. It’s almost as if he never left.

"I clearly remember it being like, 'Oh fuck, my water broke.' And instead of grabbing Hobi's shoulder, she just jabbed him in the jaw instead."

You roll your eyes, plating up their noodles. "Whatever it was, you survived." you tell Hoseok as he smirks.

"And we got the most adorable little boy out of it! Didn't we, Seokie?!" Taehyung asks in a sweet voice, kissing the bottom of Minseok's foot.

Minseok smiles widely, giggling loudly and the simple sound makes Jin smile.

"Let's talk about the other elephant in the room," Namjoon says, leaning back into the couch and nudging Jin. "Hyung, your tanked up."

The rest of the boys jest loudly, giving ‘Oh’s and loud laughs. You, of course, had noticed your husband’s new stature but with all the excitement you hadn't really been able to focus on it.

You fell in love with Jin for his warmth, his incredibly giving and loving heart. The way he gives everything his all and works so hard could bloom flowers in your chest. But, his new physique was something impressive.

"What can you bench?" Jeongguk asks as you step out of the kitchen with the food.

"Last time I checked, two hundred and forty." your husband shrugs.

"WOW!" the guys yell, completely shocked.

Jin takes off his shirt, standing up off the couch and your jaw drops. He looks... stunning. That’s the only word that can possibly come to mind when your brain begins to fog with lustful thoughts.

"That's an eight pack!" Jimin says loudly, widening his eyes.

"It was more defined a few months ago. I started eating like a pig." Jin clarifies, stepping over Taehyung's legs and grabbing the plates from your hands before kissing your nose.

"Thanks, baby. It smells delicious."

Yeah, well he looks delicious.

"We'll have a new niece or nephew by the end of this year, hmm?" Yoongi teases, scooting to the coffee table awaiting his food.

Jin grabs his RJ t-shirt, slipping it back on and you frown at the delicious sight being taken away from your eyes. Clothes should be illegal for your husband from now on.

You find yourself staring at Jin throughout the night, your teeth clasping at your lower lip as he runs his hand over his short hair. Fuck, he’s so gorgeous. The true definition of handsome.

"Noona?" Jeongguk calls to you and you find it hard to rip your eyes away from your husband's biceps.

"Noona. Minseok went to the bathroom. I'm going to change his diaper." Jeongguk tells you as you look over at him.

"Uh-huh." you murmur, shooing him away.

Your eyes land back on your husband as he looks up from his plate of food. He smirks, digging back in and you can't help but clear your throat as your mind thinks the filthiest of things. How you want to lick his abs like a fucking ice pop or how you can't wait to watch his arms and chest glisten with sweat as he fucks into you with all of his strength. Just thinking it makes your panties wet.

"You're going to come to the company tomorrow?" Yoongi asks, washing his plate in the sink.

"Yeah, but I wanna spend some time with Y/N, first." Seokjin coos, his comment earning goofy smiles from Jimin and Taehyung. You smirk as Jeongguk brings Minseok back out shirtless.

"What happened?" Jin asks with a laugh, accepting Minseok when he is handed over.

"Little man peed on me." Guk bleats, holding up his shirt.

Voracious laughter echoes throughout the house and bodies get thrown back from the sheer force of their laughter.

Seokjin is more than happy to be home.

Jin steps out of the bathroom, a pair of briefs is all he wears as he dries his hair with a towel.

"Baby, am I still handsome with my hair this short?" your husband inquires, peeking in the mirror.

You look up from your phone, dropping your jaw. His thick, toned legs, his nice body, his absolutely gorgeous face -- of course, he was handsome.

"Absolutely." you assure him, throwing your phone onto the bedside table absentmindedly.

"Really? I hate my hair." he breathes, turning to you with a pout.

"It'll grow back." you reply as he sits on the edge of the bed.

You sit up, draping your arms over his wide shoulders and running your hands over his defined chest. His eyes close, relishing in your touch.

"I missed you so much." he murmurs when you kiss down the back of his neck. His short hairs beginning to stand on end as he sighs happily.

"I love you." you avow, kissing the shell of his ear.

"I love you too."

His body leans back into your touch, feeling you trail your fingers down his chest to his abs. Your fingernails making undetermined shapes on his eight pack and he lets out a shallow breath at the feeling. When your fingers drift over at the black band of his briefs, a hiss springs from his lips.

"Oh fuck." he gasps, putting his head back to your shoulder. Your fingers lift the band, feeling at his bare pubic bone before grasping his erect cock. His teeth clamp down on his plush bottom lip, hips lifting for more of you.

"I missed how you touched me." he whimpers.

Your hand strokes his long, smooth cock slowly as he grabs at your thigh. Small whimpers leave your husbands throat, falling onto his back.

"I missed you too." you whisper, straddling him. His eyes open, his big hands eager to caress your sides when you take off his long t-shirt.

"Fuck." he curses, staring up at your body.

"I was going so crazy without you." he mumbles, rubbing his thumbs over your hip bones.

Your hands press down on his chest, bending down and kissing his lips. They’re so soft, tasting like peppermint candy and he moans gently into the kiss. Your hands find the briefs' waistband once more, tugging them down his thick thighs. His head lolls back as you kiss up his legs.

"Oh my God." he scoffs.

His hands shakily grab at your hands, whining softly when you kiss up the length of his cock. The red with need bulbous head weeps precum in excitement and your arousal begins to sweep through you like a spring breeze just begging to taste the clear pearls of his arousal.

"Baby." Jin's voice is shrouded in lust, dripping with honey and need. You tongue runs a flat stripe up the length of his cock and he can only groan at the feeling. His eyebrows knit tightly when you grip his cock. Your tongue swirls around the head, dipping down his length until his thighs are quaking beneath you.

"Y/N." he whimpers, running his fingers through your hair.

He always has had a gentle way of speaking your name. His loud persona never enters the bedroom, it’s always soft moans and gasps. Seokjin is the definition of romantic. And you can never get enough.

You moan on his cock, hollowing at your cheeks as you fuck his length faster into your mouth.

"Your mouth feels so good! Oh fuck!"

Jin's fingertips pinch and roll your nipples as you swallow around him.

"Oh!" he seethes through his teeth, opening his eyes wide.

Lifting up on his elbows to watch you, he captures his bottom lip between his teeth. "Look at me."

Your eyes meet his and he wipes stray tears from your cheeks when you nestle your nose against his pubic bone. A shaky sigh escapes his chest, feeling you quicken your actions. His precum coats the back of your throat and he can only moan your name like a prayer.

It’s been so long since he’s been touched, so long since he’s been loved like this.

"I'm cumming! Oh fuck! I'm cumming baby!"

His cock throbs against the flat of your tongue and he lets out a gentle cry when his cum paints your mouth and throat. A hiss leaves his lips and his body falls back, his thigh writhing in pleasure as he moans your name. You swallow all of him, adoring the musky, thick taste.

"Wow." he bleats, watching as you pull off your panties. Your arousal trails lazily down your legs and Seokjin takes in the sight before him.

"That felt amazing." he whispers, caressing at your cheek.

His arms grip at your hips to steady you, your swollen cunt ruts against his still hard cock, earning soft whines of your name.

"Oh fuck!" you whimper, biting at your bottom lip. With every rut you stimulate your clit against the head of his thick cock.

"I want to taste you." his melodic voice echoes throughout the quiet bedroom.

"Tonight is for you." you tell him, leaning down and kissing his lips.

His lips part, running his tongue over yours and moaning into your mouth which you can only swallow happily. His arm hooks around your waist, flipping you over effortlessly. The action makes you gasp and he takes the opportunity to nip at your bottom lip, wrapping your legs around his hips.

"The mother of my child, my wife." he coos against your lips before pulling away from you. His hands palm at your breasts, enveloping your nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicks your stiff peaked bud and your back bows off of the bed.

"Jin!"

He hums in agreement, his fingers pushing through your slick folds and rubbing circles on your needy clit. "You're so beautiful."

You whimper out for him, grabbing on to his taut arms as he lavishes on your body. "Fuck me, please."

His head lifts up only to give your other breast attention. You can feel your arousal running down your ass cheeks, coating the bed sheets and you grip at his arms needily.

Jin pulls back, his eyelids low with lust as he grips at his cock. The head smacks into your clit playfully and your body jolts with excitement.

"I love you so much." he breathes, aligning the head to your entrance.

He relishes in the heat of you, thrusting in slowly. There’s always a slight burn when he stretches you open so wide with his fat cock. You whimper softly, feeling the head of his cock nestle against your cervix folds. He stills for a minute, allowing your muscles to relax around the large intrusion. He kisses you lazily, groaning softly when your cunt twitches and clenches around him as his tongue runs over yours.

"So fucking tight and wet." he hisses.

His tongue licks at his lips when he pulls out of you. He hums, watching how your arousal coats his cock before sliding back in. Your legs tightening around his waist, moaning his name.

"Oh, fuck!" he gasps, pushing his body down into yours and pistoning himself inside you.

Your breasts heave upwards with each thrust, earning his undivided attention and his hands find purchase on either side of your head. His mouth is on yours in an instant, swallowing your loud moans.

"You feel so good! Fuck, I missed your pussy." his moans almost sounds like sobs as he folds your body in half. His hands resting on your knees, starting he bulldozes himself inside of you.

"Yes! God!" you moan grabbing at your breasts, your fingertips flick at your nipples and your thighs tremble at the sheer pleasure.

"So fucking good." he moans, closing his eyes. "Bet you didn't even touch yourself, you’re so tight. You waited to have my cock inside you, didn't you baby?"

"Yes! I wanted only your cock inside me." you reply breathlessly.

He groans at your words, starting to rub smooth, fast circles to your clit. A gasp emits from the recesses of your chest, running your hands over his sweat sheened golden chest. He angles your body up to let the head of his cock graze against the soft bundle of nerves within you. Your shaking hand flies to your mouth, trying to stifle the loud moans you can’t help but make, hoping not to wake your son.

"Oh fuck! Yes! Right there! J-Jin!"

Jin bites his bottom lip, his hand pulling away. He spits on your clit, rubbing furiously fast circles that makes your head begin to swim with euphoria.

"I can feel it. Fuck, you're going to cum!" he whines.

Your cunt begins to quiver and clench around his cock and you’re losing yourself in this long awaited bliss.

"Cum on my cock, baby. Cream all over me! Please!"

He missed this, the love making, the pleasure he gives you. You grip at his arms, your nails etching their presence into his skin as you orgasm. Your moans ricochet off of the walls as you milk his cock and a galaxy of dull stars paints onto the back of your eyelids.

"Oh fuck! So fucking tight." he groans, laying his body down on yours, chasing his high. Your body sags into the bed, feeling boneless beneath your husband.

"Oh, Y/N! I'm cumming! I'm fucking cumming." he whimpers in your ear, his lips suckle at your neck, leaving purple patches in their wake. His cock harshly throbs within you and you can feel his legs trembling when he stills completely. Ropes of cum lather your cunt and Jin can only sob happily, pushing his face into the junction between your neck and shoulder.

"I love you." he avows breathlessly, thrusting gently to get every drop of cum inside of you.

"I love you too."

He picks his head up, sighing happily and pressing his lips to yours.

"I missed this -- missed us." he bleats, pulling out.

His body falls to your side, pulling your head on to his sweating chest. His fingers drift over your hair and he puts his hand on his chest, trying to calm his erratic breathing. "I'm so happy to be home."

A loud cry falls on your ears and Jin picks his head up immediately.

"I'll get him." he promises, kissing your forehead and sitting up.

"I think I love that the most though." he tells you, slipping on his briefs.

"Love what?" you inquire blearily, laying back on the bed and watching him walk towards the door.

"I love the sound of my son calling for his dad." he smiles, tapping on the door frame and blowing you a kiss.

You smile, hearing him call his son sweetly. "What's the matter, baby boy? Hmm?"

His tone is so loving and so endearing, you can’t help but stare at the ceiling. It warms your heart to hear his soothing voice.

He’s home and now and he would never have to leave again. Which is more than you could ever ask for.

#jin x reader #jin x you #military #request #salute #bts smut #bts magine #bts story #bts #seokjin #taehyung #jimin #jeongguk #yoongi #namjoon #hoseok #smut #fluff #angst

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sdfhfdg · 3 years

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brokenmusicboxwolfe · 4 years

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I have a ton of insomnia writing in the drafts, so time to start unloading some of it. The usual “as is” rules apply, and I’ll try to keep most of it under the cut,

It just occured to me that I actually have one piece of good advice to give:

If you challenge someone to a duel, ALWAYS have a witness for the fight!

I learned this the hard way when I was a little girl. But to understand why I felt the need to even duel someone, you need to understand the background.

When I was a little girl my family lived in our house in town, which meant until I was 9 I was running around with a gang of kids. I say “kids”, but I pretty much mean boys. There were a couple of years during that time when a girl was inthe neighborhood, one being one of the best friends I had in my life and the other....not, but almost the entire time I was the only girl in the neighborhood.

Now some folks think being the only girl would be terrible, but in a lot of ways it was fine. Kids are kids, rampaging around the neighborhood, and thanks to my family I never felt things should be “girl stuff” and “boy stuff”. I just played.

In fact, at times being the only girl even gave me a curious power position. I knew “girl things” they didn’t. I can still remember the shock on the face of one of the boys when I tried to explain that I didn’t just piss outside like them because of anatomical differences. He just assumed girls had dicks too.

BTW, groups of very little boys can get awfully competitive about their dicks. Not that they called them that. They honest to god called them “ding-a-lings”! LOL In fact, a few times they even had a contest where they would line up with their pants dropped wanting me (the only one that was exempt) to decide which looked “best”. Remember, at the time we were very little kids, so the concept of “best” was exceptionally vague.** I hope I didn’t give any of those boys a lifelong complex because of something I said in all innocence! But geez, they were obsessed with the idea that whatever hung between their legs was very, very important.

Anyway, running around playing being a girl among boys wasn’t bad all the time. Heck, while the boys could fight over who got to play Han and Luke when we played “Star Wars” or Mark and Jason when we played “Battle of the Planets”, I always knew I wouldn’t have to compete for my part in the games. Though I’m still a little irked to the way their only solution to Gargantuas in War of the Gargantuas being both male was I’d play “the green Gargantua’s wife, at least we always found a way even if what we were playing didn’t have a token girl.

All that being said, there were real disadvantages too, especially as the bots came to learn the rules around gender. I was a girl. They knew it and at times they would think it meant I was supposed to defer to them. This led to many a fight and tears.

For instance, once one of the boys got a BB gun.

Naturally we all wanted to take turns using it in a makeshift backyard shooting gallery. Trouble was, as far as they were concerned girls weren’t supposed to shoot. Now considering all the toy cap guns they borrowed from me when we played, and the gun I had that shot cork balls had been the envy of all the kids*** until this BB gun, it seems crazy they would think girls weren’t allowed “real” guns. I begged a turn, outshot them all, and never was allowed to touch the gun again. ****Having a girl be the best shot kinda stung for them! LOL

The boys would do this now and then, throw me for a loop with “you are a girl” as a reason I should or shouldn’t do a thing. Being a “sissy” was a common insult used among the kids. A kid should be tough and brave, try never to get crying or show weakness, or sometimes they would even use “like a girl” as an insult.

I learned that my “girly” side was more of a target, so I got so in the toy chest in the living room I kept the guns, cars, blocks, etc for the boys to use, but kept hidden away in my bedroom the girly stuff like dolls. In fact I kept things like play makeup buried in drawer where no one could find them...

Yes, I was a girl, both in my personal identification and as the whole world saw me, and yet I hid my “girl stuff” like a teenager hiding drugs or dirty magazines. It was the big drawback of usually being the only girl. The girly side of being a girl was something to be quiet about.

So grew up thinking that the way to impress a guy was to be strong, tough, smart, brave, and not at all squeamish. If boys admire each other for not being a sissy, then certainly they would admire a girl for being that way.

Oddly enough, never once did a boy reciprocate my crushes because I wasn’t a sissy. Oh, they would like me for it, but it was seeing me as one of the guys and never as romantic potential. Or maybe not oddly. I may be hetero CIS female, but the world sees me as not girly enough in my presentation to quite believe me.

TBH, I still have a problem with that. I never learned the rules of being girly. I never was taught how to put on makeup, do hair, know about fashion, move in that swaying hips and crossed ankles when you sit kind of way...

And down deep I don’t want to have to put on that act. I want to be me. I want someone to love me without makeup or styling, not because of the clothes I wear or because of skills with flirting games. I want to be loved for me, and girly is only part of me. Part of me is walks in the woods where I photograph snakes and spiders. Part of me is climbing in the roof to repair a leak or taking apart the hot water heater to figure out how to fix it....

I have always been a combination of things. Things like how I like romantic comedies and horror films, I picked out my antique sword because it felt like it would swing in my hand well and it had little flowers on the hand guard, or how I love classical and punk.I never wear dresses during the day, because they aren’t practical for my rough and dirty life, plus they can make you very vulnerable. And yet at night I always wear the prettiest nightgown I can find. I had a unique “Captain’s Canopy Bed” as a child, because I loved both the captain’s bed (a bunk woth drawers under it billed as a “boy bed” by people that gender everything) and longed for a canopy bed. My father sensibly combined the two for me. To me it has never been about a contradiction or conflict, but just that different aspects manifest under different circumstances.

I really can’t understand why people are expected to fit into catagories neatly, label themselves, force themselves to deny parts if themselves just to belong. Still, I expect I would be happier if I could have at least forced myself to fake it.

Anyway, the boys were learning girls were “supposed” to be a certain way, and I was constantly insisting this wasn’t true. They would pick on me amd we would fight. Oddly, this “girls can’t” attitude never applied to fighting. They never went easier on me because I was a girl.

Once they got me treed and the henchman boy was told to go get something to hit me with. I warned him not to, but he didn’t listen. As he went to get the weapon I lept out of the tree in a tackle, and began punching him. My grandmother ran out shouting for me to stop. “It’s not ladylike!!” she cried, while I shouted back in frustration “They were going to hit me!!”

Don’t worry, I wasn’t punished. Grandma..well, it’s complicated with her...and my parents would never punish me for something like that. Years later Mom would admit she and Pop were proud if me after that fight. “The boys picked on you so much I was glad you hit them”...

Hmmm, now that I think about it, Mom’s most common response to sexist attitudes in movies and tv shows is to grumble “Oh hit him!” Folks have no idea about Mom’s violent side, the part that watched Xena: Warrior Princess and sighed “I always wanted to be able to leap around and fight like that!” People think she is “sweet”, when Pop was always the family softie! LOL

As we got older, the sexism of the boys got worse and so did our conflict. One boy, a year older than me and the oldest of the usual gang, was the worst. His own mother was a rather strong and independent person, so it was almost confusing how he could be that way. As far as he was concerned the social structure was thatthe older the boy the higher the rank, and girls were at the bottom. It was inevitable that one day their would be an explosion.

The final straw came over, of all things, me wanting to make our gang of friends into a club. It was all the fault if a kids magazine called Dynamite, that put out a book on making your own club, complete with membership cards printed in a fold out of the cover you could cut out. It sounded like a great idea. It wasn’t.

To be honest, I shouldn’t have been at all surprised. By this point the oldest boy had gotten to be a complete pain about gender roles, but also about me in particular. My first day of kindergarten he’d been the only person I knew all day, so when I passed him in the hall I’d said “Hello”. The boy next to him asked who I was and he said “I don’t know!” right in front of me. I had started to consider our “friendship” differently after that, and his now increased insistence that boys were superior increased the rift.

To make matters worse, the boys had developed some sort of age based ranking. When I invited the oldest boy’s little brother to come to the club meeting too, the guy had been outraged. It had seemed natural to me, I mean I invited my little brother. I always wanted to include everyone. To the boys, the younger boys didn’t count and the older you were the more power you were “supposed” to have.

Now for the club I’d fixed up a corner of the shed out back. I put up posters, made a candle (I just loved making candles and melting wax when I was little...us GenXers lived dangerous lives!LOL), set up chairs and a table, had refreshments and, of course, the membership cards. I couldn’t wait for them to show up.

Once the boys arrived I said it was time to elect officers. Immediately the oldest boy announced there was no need and started to pass out the cards. He said he would be president because he was oldest, my favorite boy would be vice president, the thieving henchman would be treasurer because he was next oldest, the other boys would be just members, and I would be...secretary.

Oh he was glad to explain. Girls are always secretaries. Only girls can be secretaries. Girls can never be president. The other boys accepted this.

Naturally I was outraged. This was NOT right! We were supposed to vote! And we were supposed to vote for who would be best for the job, not who was oldest or a boy. Girls CAN be president! And besides, the club was my idea and the clubhouse in my yard so I shouldn’t be stuck being the stupid secretary without even voting!!!!

There was a lot of shouting after that. The boys stormed off, taking the cards with them. I went in the house to take the refreshments, and the boys snuck back to trash the place. They tore the posters, smashed my candle, and turned over the furniture.

I cried.

I was also furious.

I was beyond fed up with the oldest boy and his assumption of leadership. Now my favorite boy did apologize, but he was always the nice one. The others were unrepentant. The oldest boy insisted he was right that girls could never lead.

There was only one thing left to do: Challenge the oldest boy to a duel.

I went right up to him and said I’d had enough. I was challenging him to a fight. One on one, just him and me. No weapons, just our strength. The winner would be the leader of the kids.

I know it’s absurd, but since physical fighting is what they valued I figured I had to go with it. Actually, if anything, a fight would be skewed in my favor. While the boy was a year older, I was a head taller. Where he was lanky, I’d gotten to be a sort of muscular and agile fat.***** Physically the avantage was mine, an since refusing to fight me would be so embarrassing to him I knew I’d get the fight.

He agreed, and then I made a very stupid mistake. I decided to show him a bit of mercy. Since losing to a girl would be so humilating, I set the time and place where we would meet alone for our fight. I wanted to win, to make my point, but I wasn’t trying to shame him.

And so the time came. We met in a back yard, in clear area hidden from windows in case an adult was looking by trees. I wish I could tell you some dramatic blow by blow, but honestly I remember it as very quick. He fancied he knew fighting moves, got into a pose, and I flattened him. Almost admittedly I had him pinned to the ground where I sat on top of him until he admitted I had won.

I went home overjoyed. This lasted until the kids got together. I, oh so foolishly, assumed I was now leader. The boy, however, was not about to give up power...or tell the truth.

As an adult I realize my naivety, but at the time I was 7 or 8. I honestly had believed the boy would have been honest. I always told the truth, so why wouldn’t he? And since we had made a sort of “official” deal, he would be obliged to tell the truth.

He lied. Right there, right in front of me, he lied.

The boy announced he had won. I said he was lying, that I had won, and he laughed. Of course he had won. He was a boy. Did the boys really think a girl could beat him?

I offered to fight him again right there, but he refused saying he’d already won. I couldn’t get him to feel pressured to fight me again because now the boys wouldn’t really want him to. On some level I think they believed me and knew I would win if we fought again. As long as they didn’t see me clobber him they could pretend the boys “deserved” to be in charge. They needed the lie as much as he did.

And so I learned a lesson: witneses matter. People will almost always lie if the truth threatens them.

You know, I think this is why I have always been obsessed with watching when something horrible is happening. I always had this feeling that even when I can’t help, I can be there for the person in some way. I’d listen, watch, and remember. When I was 9 I stood in the snow, no coat and no socks, waiting until a man was removed from a crashed car because I didn’t want to “abandon” him. I would report teachers that did something incredibly wrong, even though I knew the teacher would deny it and I knew my classmates were too afraid to back me up, because the truth had to be known. I wanted to be the witness I needed for that fight, someone to back me up when no one wants to hear the truth.

As a footnote, after the duel failed I tried one more way to defeat the oldest boy: Voodoo!

Well, voodoo by way of a book I’d been reading. It wasn’t real voodoo, or probably like any realistic magical practices. In the book someone had carved a skull into a tree, written someone’s name under it, and the hammered a nail into the center of the skull with devastating consequences to the victim. I had a pocket knife and a nail, so I gave it a go.

Sadly voodoo didn’t work.

Even more sadly the boy grew up to move away from this hick town, get a good job, get married and have kids. In other words, he got a far better life than I’ve had. Oh well, the universe never cares about fairness.

** Actually one boy always won, because TBH I liked everything about him best.

***Hilariously, one of the boys tried to steal my cork gun, claiming it was his. Pop had engraved my name in the gun sight, and when my father pointed at to ask what it said, the boy claimed it was his name! That boy was never very bright, always dishonest, and a born henchman! LOL You know, I bet that toy gun would have been illegal to make just a few years later, just because it literally fired things. Heck, maybe it already was and had been sitting on the store shelf for years before I got it. We couldn’t find one like it a coulle years later for my little brother....

****I want to point out being a good shot runs in the family. Back in the 1960s when my family had to shoot for self defense (long story) Mom was apparently a crack shot. On one side of her family she has had relatives that were at times the official best shot for their branch of the military. One, even as an old man in poor health, liked to show off how he could selectively shoot off small tree top branches a long diatance uphill from him. Plus, Mom likes to mention she is distantly related to Annie Oakley, which is apparenty true.

*****Traumatic stuff happened when I started school, triggering a bunch of sudden changes with me. One was weight gain, but I had stayed strong as ever.

#childhood #gender #fighting #duel #sexism #children

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moxy-fruitbat · 5 years

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I am back from the forest! - Muriel Reflections (long post w/ pics)

I'm home! I got to spend a week living the Muriel Life© and let me tell you

I LOVED IT.

I usually go backpacking every year, but this is the first time I went alone and there really was a lot of good time on reflection, especially now that I've started playing the Arcana. It was a real immersive experience and really got me thinking about what Muriel must feel living out there full time.

So welcome to Mountain Man Reflections - things the forest taught me

For context, I spent a week backpacking through Michigan's National Parks that I hadn't already been to. I visited Sleeping Bear Dunes Lakeshore, Manistee National Forest, Father Marquette Memorial, Keewenaw Heritage Area, and Isle Royale National Park. That last one is the most remote park in the continental US.

1. I knew this before from other experiences, but the forest lets you be free with your emotions. You can cry in the woods. The trees don't care. You can literally scream into the void and nothing will answer back, but feeling the breeze in your face and the sun on your skin makes you realize that the earth still spins and nature continues to live on. And so will you. You will survive.

Muriel: you will survive. I can imagine that when he first left Vesuvia and went into the forest, there was a lot of raw emotion. I've survived trauma, but never anything like how he has. It was probably very healing to get away from everything and start over in a world that doesn't judge you for your past.

2. Being alone is lonely. Now, I'm an introvert. But having no one to share thoughts or ideas or moments with is hard. Everything emotion stews around in your head and builds and gets stronger. There were times I said something that may have been slightly embarrassing to the only other person in the area, and it just built and built to the point where I was isolating myself even more because "no one wants to listen to you anyway. You only say stupid things that you should just always keep to yourself." Nature can be healing when you need it, but isolation can be painful when you don't.

Now, imagine Muriel in the first year of freedom. He may or may not have Inanna, I'm not sure when she comes into play. He has Asra, but Asra is always gone and is busy trying to reconstruct MC.

He's overcome the first wave of pain. He knows he will get through this. But isolation breeds isolation and the longer he's alone the more alone he feels and the more he feels like he deserves this isolation and that no one wants him. There's no one there to try and convince him otherwise. He builds up more and more walls because all he has is his own thoughts, and that's honestly all he's had entire life. He is a product of his situation. He needs love.

3. You learn to appreciate the little things. A pretty view. The deep blue of the water. The crinkling of the leaf litter as you walk through the trees. How good food tastes after a hard day or a cold night. You can't take things for granted when all of your belongings are what's strapped to your back.

The forest is alive. The planet is alive. It makes you feel so small and connected to everything else around you. It isn't yours to claim amd train to do what you want. You live within your means only use what you need because everything else isn't yours to take.

Muriel lives in his tiny hut. He could probably build a wooden cabin that has more space and is taller so he doesn't have to worry about brushing his head on the tree root ceiling, but why? He would need to chop down trees and change the landscape. He could build a coop and have his chickens actually live with him so he has easier access to his food, but why? Instead he forages for food and lets the chickens roam free. They have their own life to live, and it isn't his to control. Muriel is definitely a huge environmentalist.

4. The world is beautiful, but it feels better to share it with someone. I took so many pictures of those little things. And granted, it was great hiking alone. I didn't have to change my plans for anyone, I could do whatever I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go. But watching the sunrise is better with someone else, so you can be flooded with emotions next to someone else doing the exact same thing.

Muriel would probably love having the tender moments alone with his LI. Watching them gasp at their first beautiful sunset through the trees, or smile sleepily as they watch the summer fireflies together. Making flower crowns for someone, since he probably feels like he can't make them for himself ("he doesn't deserve that level of softness").

4. I need to go back. There's a reason I go on a big hiking trip every year. I can't go back into the "real world" for too long without feeling like I'm stifled and crowded and breathing in bad air. It's a type of escapisim, and while I don't know what exactly I'm escaping, I know I feel more at home in nature, where I can put my hands on a tree and thank them for letting me into their home.

"The mountains are calling and I must go" - John Muir

If you romance Muriel and have the spring wedding, be prepared to live in the forest and move into the hut. You can pull the man put of the forest, have him live in Vesuvia in the magic shop with you. But you can never pull the forest out of the man. It changes you, and once you spend enough time in the wilderness, it's really hard to go back to urban life. (Ask anyone who hiked the Appalachian Trail. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.)

(Especially because Muriel probably only has negative memories of Vesuvia - growing up on the streets, being in the colosseum, partaking in the ritual. And all those people make him claustrophobic. It doesn't matter how much he loves you, it would be very hard for him to be happy here. You can't love someone out of their mental illness, in this case PTSD.)

Thank you for reading that whole thing. My modern Muriel Hiker headcanons will be coming soon. Here are some forest pictures that I'd like to share with you :)

(That's the hut that I stayed in for a night, plus me and the hut lol. I'm gross in that picture and hadn't showered for like five days. The forest doesn't care how nasty you are. You learn to accept being gross. Everyone permanently smells bad after long distance hiking.)

Beautiful places like this still exist. I encourage everyone to go out and experience it while they still can.

With love,

Moxy

#the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana mystic romance #the arcana nix hydra #the arcana visual novel #the arcana muriel #the arcana reflections #the arcana thoughts #moxy ink blot #i am muriel #i am the mountain man #i always have been #backpacking thoughts #hiking thoughts #moxy speaks

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cuntlordsblog · 4 years

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i only liked the first episode of he dracula series and heres why

this was the vibe i instantly caught. like, i was stoned but ok.

dracula is lonely

johns a masochist

JOHN and mina are a couple in an open relationship and are deeply in love. they always come back to each other, and dine together and away on the deliousness of carnal desire. they were bisexuals.

in minas letter to JOHN she describes as much, wishing him luck on his journey and describing her thoughts on the nermous beautiful woman he may encounter on these journies. going on she also names the handsome men she could sample while he's away, noting the new cute bartender they had been eyeing the other day; how they imagine he'd taste.

Sitting in a carriage, JOHN was here on an unusual work task, he was to travel to a count dracuals castle in a farout snowy mountainous region of the latin country transylvania. as an Englishman and lawyer this trip is a strange one, but nevertheless it paid well and JOHN needed to earn money to pay for their grand wedding mina had planned, it was just 2 months away.

the atmosphere was as cold as the air outside, snow piling in banks along the trodden path. there was a family of 3 headed to the next village over, the gruff stage coach driver, and myself all stuffed into the clamy warmth of the stage coach. frost nipped at our ears from the cracks in the window; everyones combined body heat and hot breath in the confined space. they would steal hurried looks at him, but would look away when he tried to make eye contact.

the counts castle was a 2 hour ride from the nearest town, but not 45 minutes into the ride the coach ground to a halt.

"what's going on???"

"you get out here." the driver grunts as he jumps down, he quickly grabs your luggage and ushers you out of the cab.

"put we're still a ways off! we're nowhere near the castle, I dont even see it!" JOHM EXLAIMs as he HURRIES to keep up with the driver.

"we don't go any further. he will send a driver." he says, his voice hard leaving no room for argument.

sputtering you pick up your luggage from the snow where he placed it. a hand to your head youre in shock! a exasperated laugh puffs from your chest. "how will he know where to find me??"

"he knows where you are." the driver answers cryptically as he good back into the drivers seat. giving you one last forlorn look he sets off at a gallop. you see the eyes of the other passengers stare out the window as the coach quickly disappears around a bend.

it's not long after that you hear branches cracking and the thump of hooves and a jet black coach with 2 black stallions and a driver dressed is all black, his face obscured by a hat and scarve.

"good day!" JOHN. hollers waving his hand and picking up once more the handles on his case.

the coach comes to a skidding stop in front of him, stunned peter stands and stares with his mouth agape, a hand to his hat. the driver regarded him silently, not offering any instruction or aid.

"are you going to help me with my luggae???" no reply "no????well, ok." JOHN hauls himself into the sleek carriage, dragging his luggage with both arms, his suitcase logged betwix his arms. throwing himself into a seat he pants exhausted from the long days travel and burst of exertion he sits back and rests. the cabin lurches as the horses start running. you close your eyes with a sigh.

the coach comes to a sudden halt and your eyes fly open, you fell asleep!

the door to the cab flies open and the driver grabs your luggage and places it outside the carriage. replacing his hat, petter steps out of the carriage and notices hes still a ways off from the doors. the driver hops back onto the drivers seat.

"not going to help me i take it?"

no response

"didn't think so." JOHN fills his arms and begins the treck towards the large castle doors.

finally arriving in front of the door it was evening, petter drops his luggage and takes a momment to catch his breath and right his crooked attire. petter raises his hand to knock on the immense doors but before hand could come into contact with wood the doors had swung open to reveal an empty dimly lit hallway.

nervous, petter looks about slowly, not willing to make a move when suddenly a swarm of bats comes streaming from the doorway surrounding petter, flying in close, their wings carressing his entire body with their wings as they flew by. it felt as if the swarm had hands, he felt molested and revolted. his skin crawling, he cowered hoping the bats would soon leave. peeking over his raised arms he notices a man now standing in the the dim doorway. the bats have all but left, lowering his arms and resuming the posture of a good British gentle man.

the man before him was bizarrely pale, his skin and hair a stark white. he seemed quite old, his handsome features lined with deep wrinkles. he wears a crimson robe and leans on an ornate gold cane.

what an impressive man. petter thinks as he clears his throat and straightens out his jacket, embarrassed to have shown the man who he assumes is his client such an embarrassing scene.

"Greetings! I am, count, Dra-Que-la." he says gesturing wide, he spoke English like he has a mouth full of marbles. "I am pleased that you would journey so far to personally deliver the papers for my new estate in your beautiful country, england!" the count smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "please, come in." the count gestures to deeper into the dim castle.

petters the mention of his work flipped petters switch into work mode, his nerves washing away on the waves of a confident man who is good at his job. with a renewed vigor and purpose petter quickly hefts his luggage and follows the count into the castle. the sooner the man signed the purchase papers the sooner petter could go back to his beautfil mina. he would have to write a response to her letter before leave, responding in equal mirth (thirst), telling her of the handsome count, he was older than petter usually goes for, much older, but petter still found the old count oddly alluring and wabted to share this thought with his lover. brag. wink.

a soft chuckle startles JOHN out of his day dreams, he looks up from his feet (the light is so faint he had to focus on his feet as to not stumble on the stone) a warm glow came from the fireplave at the end of the high ceilinged room. a long table was placed in the center or the room covered with a feast. dropping gis luggage at the sight of a hot meal petter rushes forward and takes in the beautiful sight.

he turns back to the count "may i??????" pointing at the food. the count SMILES and nods.

td;lr

JOHN eats at one side of the table and the count the other. the count smiles placedly as he eats.

later petter thanks him for the meal which had been cleared away, he moves to the case opens it, and places the documents on the rable. he moves a candle closer so everyrging is easy to see, pulling out an ink pot and a quill he smiles, "alright then shall we proceed?" gesturing at the paper work.

the count evades JOHNS yes/no question by begining a monologue about why he's buying this property in England. he recalls the early years of his life when everything tasted so exciting and new, but now, he lives in a dank castle in the cold isolated mountains of the mother country. frankly, hes bored! but as hes spent his life in an isolated castle in a forgeine country, he fears he will have a hard time fitting in... which is why..." he continues as he gets up achingly from his seat and slowly makes his way to john seated at the far end of the table, papers out and pen in hand eyes wide and mouth agape. "...you will be staying with for a month and we shall travel back to england together."

exasperated and surprised john had heard nothing of the sort, he was only supposed to be here a few days! just long enough to get the counts signatures and finalize the purchase of the estate. he tries to refuse but the count grabs his hands and holds them cupped gently as he fluidly sits in the chair next to john. stunned in silence john sits and gapes at the count. his hands cold and dry, covered in deep wrinkles, his long nails evident. the count locks eye contact with John, gazing deep into his eyes "please john, i want to learn how to be a good British gentle man, like yourself." john begins to sputter and tries to jolt his hands away but the count doesnt loosen his grip. " besides," he continuesleabing forward and pulling john in towards him "your employer has already agreed to these terms" he ends witha wink and a smile, releasing Johns hand and sitting back folding his own hands on his chest. "now, tell me about England."

defeated and exhausted john relents, and dazedly answers the counts numerous questions about england, and British social ettiquet. between the counts qiestions John had a few of his own like why didn't his employer explain this to HIM, etc.

the count had brought out some wine at one point and began pouring glasses for John, and in Johns distress over this unexpexted situatiom he has found himself in, partook. and drank, amd drank, until his lips were loose and his comments nigh unfiltered, the good buisness ettique veneer washed away along with the wine.

a bit tipsy now, while answering another one of the counts more unusual questions blah blah blah john reaches to grab his wine glass while rolling his eyes and flapping and knocks it over. the glass shatters on the smooth stone floor.

"oh crumb" he explaims and leans over to pick up the larger shards.

"no dont both--" the count begins, starting to get out of his chair.

"ouch!" John yelps, he cut his finger picking up a piece of broken glass. holding his finger to his face to inspect the wound he pouts and squeezes his wounded finger tip, letting a crimson stream of blood well up and slide down his finger. john sticks his injured bloodied finger in his mouth and realizes the count has disappeared into thin air. surprised john pops his finger out of his mouth and looks around the room. "count?" he spots the count in a dark cornwd, his back facing john leaning heavily on a dresser.

concerned john jumps up and begins to make his way over to the count "count dracula? is something wrong?" no response. john can see the deep, even, slow rise and fall of the counts breathing. leaned against the dresser the was perfectly still but for he rise and fall of his chest. john reaches the count in a few hurrieded strides of his long mantis legs and places a hand on the counts shlulder, and attempts to turn him to get a look at his face "are you alrivht?"

and all of a sudden like the crack of a whip the count was upon him, hand gripping theback of his neck and the hand john had reached out to grab him with unbelievable strength pressing his body to john and pinninf him against the cold stone wall. before john even realizes whats going on the counts lips were upon him, his tounge pushing past Johns lips and devouring his mouth, tasting it.

not all together NOT not into this john gives into the counts attack and kisses back. he had found the old count rather compelling... who is he to refuse a kiss this delicious?? John surrenders to the count, turning to jelly in his grip and sliding his free arm around the counts back.

the count seemed surpised and momentarily taken aback before swiping his tongue along his bottom lip the count deepens their kiss, suxking Johns tongue into his mouth and a moment later sinking his teeth in. needle sharp pain eruptes from Johns tongue sending bolts of electricity through his body settinf gis nerves on fire.

the count didn't let up his bite, lips wrapped around johns Tongue the count began to suck, and suck hard.

Dracula drinks deeply from John, drunk om the pleasure of exotic nlood. and John, lightheaded from the onslaught of sensations and loss of blood simply hangs off of the count. his eyes flutter and close, passing out.

john feels himself slump, and can distantly feel the count detaching himself before he lets himself fall unconious.

waking up john finds himself in a bed, slowly pushing himself up his head swims. confused he looks around the room, heavy drapes cover the windows and numerous candles are lit. the bed he sits in is large and canopyed, the whole room shouted decadence.

"ahem" says the man standing in the doorway. he's handsome and peppered, tall and lean, and looks oddly familiar....

"I'm sorry about last night," the man began, his voice too sounding particularly familiar..."I have a hard time controlling myself..."; all the while john is mesmerized, who is he...I don't know anyone this hot... . he continues, walking towards john, stopping a breath away and grabbing his chin, lifting Johns face towards his own "blood.".

the count dives in and steals his mouth, kissing him deeply. john is surprised momentarily but melts into the counts kiss. chuckling the count pulls away. "your balls of steal never cease to amaze me" the count laughs, turning away and walking a few faces away.

"you're the count dracula, arent you?" John finally starts "but you look so young!".

the count doesnt seem to expect that line of questioning after all that had happened the night before and a laugh escapes his lips. whirling on john he smiles, "thats really what you want to know?"

confused john cocks his head and gives the count an utterly confused doe eyed questioning stare.

at a loss for words the count face palms and turns away briefly, before turning back around and taking a seat on the bed. he reaches over and holds johns hands in his own. he looks soulfully into johns eyes and answers "i drank your blood johnny."

"and my blood made you younger???!" john exclaims, totally missing the point "thats amazing!".

"huh" taken aback the count gives john a rueful smile. "you're taking this quite... calmly.".

"well this is quite amazing! simply from drinking my blood you've become radically younger! i wonder what would happen if you drank more...?" John finishes, squeezing counts hands.

surprised and frankly into it the count smiles and leans towards john, breathing heavily on his lips, hovering just above them before diving for the juncture of his neck which hits shoulder, nice in juicy.

in pure ecstasy john moans and holds on tight to the count, pressing up into his bite.

this time the count only takes but a few mouth fulls before swiping his tongue over the wound, knitting the town flesh together. out of breath and a little light headed john collapses against the pillows as the count wipes his bloodied mouth and licks his hand clean, standing up once more and looming over the bed. panting john blearily looka up at the count to see a blisteringly handsome young man, filled out, dark hair, stunner.

"woah" john breathes, a hand to his previously bleeding neck, fingers running over the fresh scar.

i wanted them to be best boyfriends and teach each other stuff and then go home to mina in england and everyone would get married to each other and also dined together nah mean. anyway i watched episode 3 and that kinda soured it for me

#i had so much fun then i lost interest

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leelee10898 · 5 years

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Two is better then one.

This is my submission for a picture is worth a thousand words challenge hosted by @speedyoperarascalparty. The amazing @riseandshinelittleblossom gave me my photo (Which I LOOOOVE) thanks boo. The pairing I chose is Leo & Alicia from the cgw world by @ao719 @riseandshinelittleblossom @speedyoperarascalparty, @cocomaxley and myself.

This is pure fluffy. Ooey gooey sweetness. Enjoy!

Alicia walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body. She glanced over at the bed a beautiful light pink floral sun dress laid out for her, with a note attached.

Meet me in the foyer at 5. -Love, Leo

A smile played on her lips. It was their first real date since becoming official. Sure they had been out together before, but they always called it hanging out and yes she had been his date to courtly functions, but again they were friends with benefits so it was fitting. At first when he asked her to go on a date, she thought he was joking so she laughed only he was serious. Shaking her head at the thought, She slipped the dress over her head. She dried her hair and did it in loose beach waves Fixed her makeup, slipped in a pair of wedges and headed down to meet Leo.

She descended the staircase, Leo's mouth fell open. “You look breathtaking love.” he leaned in pressing his lips to her cheek. “You don't look so bad yourself handsome.” Leo wore a pair of dark wash jeans, and a short sleeved button up, amd a new pair of sneakers. “New shoes?” she eyed him. “Of course. Shall well?” He grinned holding his arm out. She looped her arm in his and they walked out of the palace.

Leo opened the passenger door of the sleek black bmw, closing it as she was inside. He ran around to the drivers seat. “So, you gonna tell me what you have planned or what?”

“So impatient.” he teased. “we are going to dinner, somewhere you'll like.”

“Ok, fine. I'll let you have your fun.”

He reached over turning on the radio. “Here sit back, listen to some music and enjoy the ride.” She complied as he drove down the drive way and onto the highway. Taking the long way, he zipped through the hills of the cordonian countryside. He knew how much Alicia loved the scenery. “How you doing over there?” He glanced over at her, breaking the silence that settled over the car.

“Good. Just enjoying the view.” She grinned

A few minutes later they came over the last of the tall hills, the sparkling ocean laid out in front of them. A wide grin spread across her lips “I dont think I'll ever get tired of this view.”

“Neither will I.” His eyes never leaving her.

They pulled up to a small restaurant sitting right on the beach. “Seaside Gem?” She read the sign. “Yup, its one of my favorite places. I hope you like it.” He grinned holding his hand out to help her out of the car. They walked into the restaurant, the quaint view from the outside was nothing compared to the inside. The interior was decorated in a tasteful nautical theme, the wood craftsmanship was breathtaking. “Ah Prince Leo, good to see you.” an older gentleman approached them. “Papa Carl, how are you?” He shook his hand pulling him in for a hug. “Leo, you've brought a friend! And who is this lovely lady?”

“Where are my manners, Carl this beautiful woman right here, is my girlfriend, Alicia.” Leo beamed. Carl clutched his chest “Oh my god, i never thought I'd see the day. Come on, come on you two. The best seat in the house for you.” He pulled them along. “Momma louisa is not going to believe it.” He handed them menus as they sat in the booth.

“Papa Carl? Momma Louisa?” Alicia eyed him.

“I found this place when i was a teenager, Damien and I would sneak out, come to the beach and prowl for girls.” He grinned.

“Oh! So you bring girls here often?”

“No. Ive actually never brought a girl here before. I was supposed to meet Damien one day, but he never showed. I wandered around for a while and got hungry, so I came in here. I had no money on me, no credit cards, nothing. But Carl and louisa sat me down and fed me.”

He smiled at the memory, Alicia reached for his hand. “So they became like family?”

“They did, I came back the next week, money in hand. Week after week I would sneak off and come here to eat and enjoy their company. They felt like a family, lord knows my father wasnt a very good father after Liam's mom died.”

“Oh my little Leonard, come give momma a hug.” a short olive skinned woman, with a thick italian accent came barreling around the corner.

He stood hugging her, leaning down so she could kiss each cheek. “Momma louisa, this is my girlfriend Alicia. Alicia this is Momma Louisa.”

Alicia stood extending her hand “Its nice to meet ya.”

“This one, shes American no?” she looked between the two. “Ah yes, I am actually. Long Beach in New York.” Alicia answered.

“Ahh Mia familia in New York, ah in Brooklyn.” Louisa smiled. “Come, come.” she motioned for Alicia to come closer as she wrapped her in a giant hug. “I like her Leonard, you keep this one eh.” She pointed her finger at him. “I plan to mamma.”

They ordered and the waiter brought their meal out. Leo ordering scoglio which had scallops, shrimp, muscles and clams. Alicia ordering chicken parmigiana, her absolute favorite meal.

“Ok I dont even like sea food and that, looks amazing.” She eyed his dish. “Oh. it is. Wait til you taste yours.” He watched as she cut into the tender, juicy cutlet and twirled the spaghetti on the fork. She took a bite. Her eyes snapping shut. “mmmmm oh. My. God. Leo, this is, wow! Its like i died and gone to Italian heaven. This is way better then mine.”

“I told you. But I happen to think yours is really damn good love.”

They devoured their food. Paying the bill, and hugging Carl and louisa goodbye, with the promise to come back atleast once a month.

She started walking towards the car before Leo stopped her. “No love. Were not leaving just yet.” he lead her down a small path that opened up to a boardwalk, complete with shops and stahls. “Care to take a stroll?” He laced his fingers with hers.

“Of course. But only if you win me something.”

They walked hand in hand along the semi crowded boardwalk. A few people gasping, pointing and speaking amongst themselves. “People are staring, Leo.” Alicia dropped her voice. “So, let them stare.” He chuckled as they continued their walk stopping at the arcade. “Lets see. Ring toss? NO. skiball? To easy. Ah! This.” He stopped at the bottle toss game. “Leo. these things are always rigged.” She whispered. “Nonsense, Let me show you how its done.” He paid the attendant and grabbed the 3 balls. He threw on hitting it, wobbling a few, the 2nd ball knocked the top bottle off, but on the 3rd he hit it just right and all of the bottles came tumbling down. He picked a large stuffed weiner dog that she named Fred.

They continued their walk, talking and laughing along the way. “Tell me, where do you see yourself in oh 5 years?” He asked, trying to pull her attention from the people that had now crowded to the boardwalk. “Five years? Well, if we are being honest.” She paused for a moment, not sure if she should really say what her heart's desire was. She closed her eyes for a second, and took a deep breath. “I hope to be married and have at least one child by then.”

She waited for him to choke, stop walking, stutter nervously, but he didn't. “Is that so?” He sounded amused.

“Yeah. It's just, something I've always wanted. To be married, have a family.” She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “And tell me Alicia, do you see that for us?” Alicia stopped dead in her tracks now turning to look directly at him. “I. Um. I would be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind. But Leo I understand if that's not something you want. I know it was a big step, asking me to be your girlfriend. I would never push-”

“You would never push anything on me love.” He cut her off, she opened her mouth to speak, but he continued. “Alicia, from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were different. Everything about you pulled me in. It took me a little bit to realize that you were the one, but mostly because of my wanting to deny my feelings. ” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear “I am hopelessly in love with you, Alicia McCall. And I would be lying if I said I didn't want to make you my wife, and the mother of my children.” A stray tear rolled down her face. Her eyes darted around at the large crowd of onlookers. “They're really staring now.”

“Maybe I want them to. Maybe I want to give them to see how madly in love I am with you. Maybe, just maybe we should give them a show.” Leo gave her that sly smirk.

She fumbled forwards, he foot grazing the top of his shoe. “Hey, watch the shoes.” He teased.

A matched grin formed on her face. “Oh, i'll watch the shoes alright.” one by one she stood on top of his feet, she leaned up on her tiptoes, pulling the collar of his shirt. He met her demands as their lips crashed together in a soft, passionate kiss. They pulled back staring into each other's eyes. They could hear the gasps, giggles and cameras snapping photos from the press and onlookers around them. “Liam's gonna be pissed.” Alicia giggled. “Let him be.” Leo grinned his large hands wrapped around her waist as he lifted her and spun her around. “Thank you, this has been a great date.” She smiled as he let her down. “You are welcome, but this date is far from over love. Just wait until we get back to the palace.” He growled.

“Well, last one to the car is a rotten egg.” She took off running.

Leo stood there giving her a head start “God I fucking love her.” She said to himself before he took off running.

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shadowofthetombraiderreview-blog · 4 years

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Shadow Of The Tomb Raider Review

Release Date on September 14, 2018

There are two things I have always loved about Shadow of The Tomb Raider Free Download Game Walkthrough in all my incarnations: beautiful, exciting and dangerous places to explore, and Lara Croft herself. Shadow of the Tomb Raider ranges from East to South Inca cities and modern-day Peru jungles and towns, with missionary cry to climb, dive, and South American locations to the east. But it gives Lara a disservice, who turns her into a deadly mud-camouflaged jungle warrior who, while not interesting to say, is pushed by a plot that is more predictable than its main character and Is more concerned with supernatural artifacts. It’s so silly that you can explain it without sounding ridiculous: Lara is pursuing a secret militia organization across the South American continent to prevent them from stealing a silver thong and bringing about the end of the world. PC Games For free

Lik the first Shadow Tomb Raider Review video games in this contemporary trilogy by Crystal Dynamics – although this closing access changed into developed by means of an extraordinary studio, Eidos Montreal – Tomb Raider’s Shadows gradual-paced exploration, treasure-hunting, and surround historical tombs. Allegations of creating buzz echo the course to high-adrenaline action-movie-style play. Lara gets trapped in mudslides and earthquakes, scrambles off collapsing buildings and blows up invading helicopters, but as opposed to hiding behind cover with an assault rifle, she frequently ignores herself in tall grass or against partitions. Suppresses, anonymity hunts down the armed forces in the darkish. Lara has “advanced” from a determined survivor right into a silent killer, which gives the player a welcome spoil from capturing things. Sending a poisoned arrow into the thigh of a guard from the wooded area cover is more exciting than losing pistols into them one by one through pointing pistols at them and pressing them to fall down. As the spectacle, Tomb Raider’s shadow is the nice fight feasible. It is a revelation in its beauty. Whenever Lara emerges from a wooded area or cave, the digital camera rests on sundown-yellow badlands and beautiful temples to find out some new wonders of the historical world. Walking round rocks and crumbling homes is vertical and interesting; It always looks like you're an inch far from falling for your loss of life. The animation and environmental layout are definitely brilliant, and you're generally given time to transport speedy in preference to coping. Sadly, the shadow of Tomb Raider’s series Wonderful Places is prepare under a plot that collapses beneath the slightest scrutiny. The narrative is an inconsistent mess that is going beyond the standard action movie/online game suspension of disbelief – how do Lara’s weapons paintings perfectly even after an hour of driving through an underwater grave? – and simply shakes up their investment in what’s occurring in the sport. The plot makes little feel, fundamental man or woman motivations are absolutely absent, and Lara spontaneously meets random preoccupation for almost every body. To pick out one in every of many examples: Why, whilst Lara seems in an undisputed local colony full of people who've escaped from the out of doors world for loads of years, is she right away welcomed and served to settle their disputes is going? How does he communicate fluently with them? At first, Tomb Raider’s narrative ignites a shadow of inconsistencies, however with each new handy puzzle or magical artifact, needless revelation, or paper-skinny person, my tolerance for the useless Thin Thin. It is also worth noting that during historical Central America, seeing the aristocracy sporting wings and animal skulls and taking pictures enemies dressed in a ceremonial gown, English Lara Croft is deeply uncomfortable. Killing endless streams of militias may be seamless, but at the least the optics aren't so extreme. In the opening scenes, it is Lara’s cruel plunder of a Mayan tomb that kills the apocalypse, but any comment here about Lara’s method to ejecting artifacts from other cultures is made by a plot, which later leads her to The native holds as the protector of the population. Beautiful backdrop Shadow of the Tomb Raider Photograph: Eidos Montréal Most disappointingly, Lara Croft is uninteresting herself. At the beginning of this trilogy, whilst he turned into now not compared to the bulletproof aristocratic adventurer he had already completed, everyone did now not love it, but it changed into at least an try and humanize him. In 2013’s Tomb Raider, she became trying to continue to exist on an island; In Rise of the Tomb Raider, she become tracing her late father’s footsteps everywhere in the world to discover what brought on her loss of life; Here, his motivations are a whole lot much less clean and his conscience character is placed in a grandiose plot of a world-finishing. Any introspection about who she is and what she is doing is hidden in the menu, wherein the artifacts tested indicate some lines for Croft. In light of the reality that neither of the authors of the previous games has been credited right here, and the transition to a brand new studio, you surprise if this recreation is suffering from a improvement drama. In the Shadow of the Tomb Raider there is a lot greater to comply with its story – monitoring treasures from clues written on monoliths, exploring remarkable hidden tombs with the fine riddles in the game, looking jungle creatures, Unravel neighborhood mysteries in populated areas. These efforts are a lot of amusing, in particular hidden tombs, but the rewards are unusually meaningless. Salted outfits provide meaningless bonuses for Lara (“get extra experience for hitting”), the crafting substances are so considerable that they are now not an thrilling reward, and new skills or guns are rarely used. Oddly, objects together with lockpicks that open up opportunities to are seeking for new treasures are offered through traders, not earned thru exploration. It is very abnormal that this alternative material is so badly included. Shadow of Tomb Raider is a strange and vaguely disappointing game, however no longer a horrific one. Sneak round within the jungle, combating jaguars, exploring historic crypts that grapple with danger, soar and climb round exquisite Peruvian scenes, the satisfying “thunk” of an arrow finding its target; This is all fun, if not new. The locations Lara visits and the things she does, particularly when she doesn’t have a gun in her fingers, are lovely and enjoyable. But it lacks a coherent plot or innovative imaginative and prescient to put all of it together, and the opportunity to create an exciting individual out of Lara Croft is meaningless. Shadow of the Tomb Raider Recommended Requirements OS: Windows 10 sixty four-bit Graphics Nvidia GTX 1060 6GB or AMD Radeon RX 480, 8GB Processor: Intel Core i7 4770K, 3.40 GHz or AMD Ryzen five 1600, 3.20 GHz Memory: sixteen GB DirectX: 12 Version Storage: forty GB Dedicated Video Memory: 6GB

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shitthehousessay · 6 years

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Alright, it took a day (albeit I haven't really had much of a chance to work on it), but it's finally done. Here's my responses to the 102 questions^^. I probably put too much personal info on this site lol.

I’m doing this on my laptop because of how long it is, but answers are under the cut. Hope you enjoy random tidbits about me!

--Zero (the [other] Ravenclaw)

1. What is their full name?

While I usually use and prefer Zero Ace as an online name, my irl name is Solomon.

2. Zodiac sign

Pisces

3. In detail describe how they look

I'm 5'10" with a build like Shaggy Rodgers. I'm about,,,, less than 120lbs (that's a guess really, it's probably way less or slightly more.). You ever see a cloud? Yeah, imagine one as black wavy/curly hair with red tips (natural, not dyed) that goes to about the bottom of my neck. Brown eyes, half philipino (no, I don't know any of the language), decent moustache, and I've been told by various people that they thought I was a stoner when they first met me.

4. How old are they?

I am 16

5. What clothes to they like to wear?

I don't really have any kind of set style either. I usually just go with whatever's comfy for me.

6. What’s their favorite piece of clothing?

I've got this really soft brown fake leather jacket that my dad got me about two or three years ago that I used to wear consistently, but I'm not sure if I have a 'favorite'.

7. Any piercings?

Nope

8. Do they have any other jewelry they wear?

I wear a Timex Ironman analogue watch that I got at Walmart a few years ago ('twas on sale) and a ring with a part that spins in the middle that I bought in like sixth grade at the Newseum in DC.

9. Any tattoos?

Nah

10. How old are they?

See above

11. What do they smell like?

Idk, disappointment probably

12. What are their four trinkets?

(I'm gonna do stuff on my school backpack for this one) -- I've got a Ministry of Magic keychain, a Pokeball keychain, a Spiderman keychain, and a Ravenclaw house emblem pin.

13. GOVERNMENT MANDATED FERSONA

Roomba with a knife taped to it

14. What kind of magic are they good at?

Accidental Procrastination, aka Time Travel

15. What kind of magic are they bad at?

Luck

16. Of the four, six or seven magical elements which are they most connected to? Four: fire,air water earth. six: fire,air,water, wood,earth, metal. Seven:fire, air, water, wood, earth, metal, aither.

Not sure if this is asking about choosing a single element or a group, so I'm gonna go with water.

17. What does their gateway look like prior to their memory loss? What does it look like afterwards?

(I'm not sure what this is asking)

18. Do they have a familiar? If they do. What type of animal is it? What is it’s name? Is it still around after they lost their memory?

I have an old yellow cat named Iris and he's pretty cool. We share birthdays and he's one year older than me.

19. Have they ever cursed someone?

I have tried and I will continue to try.

20. How do they handle those headaches/migraines?

I sometimes put headphones in and listen to ambience after taking some medicine, but on some of my bad days I just wait for them to pass, even when it takes a few hours.

21. What tarot card do they connect the most with?

I'm gonna be honest: I know next to nothing about tarot cards.

22. Where were they born?

Tennessee

23. What is their favorite color?

Like a light blue or teal. Specifically though? #41A9B8

24. What is their least favorite color?

This is a tough one. I'm gonna go with like a rusty brown

25. Are they right handed, left handed or ambidextrous?

Right handed

26. What were they like as a child?

This would take a while, but I was a little shit, imo. (Also, kinda hard for me to remember specifically rn)

27. What were their parents like?

My dad's okay, he's not the best but he's doing great. My mom? Well, let's just say my opinion of her has always been pretty decent of her up until around when 2018 started.

28. Do they have any siblings? If the answer is yes how many?

Yes, I have three half brothers, two on my mom's side (who I wish would die) and one on my dad's side.

29. Do they have any other relatives they are close with?

I've got a lot of aunts (dad's side) that I consider myself close with, along with a few cousins. There's also my Grandma and Grandpa (dad's side) that I love a lot. I also have a nephew who's about I wanna say 5 or 6 years old who's a blast to hang out with.

30. What are they afraid of?

Spiders kinda scare me. And a few things associated with low self-esteem that I don't want to mention here.

31. What do they identify as?

I am a Demi-Pansexual dude

32. Do they have any allergies?

None that I know of

33. Do they have any other medical problems?

I can't think of any specifics right now

34. What about mental health issues?

Depression and Anxiety both are self-diagnosed though. I'm waiting until after highschool, or until the age where I can legally keep things like those to myself without having to tell my parents, before I go to get them diagnosed

35. What’s that personal hygiene regimen like?

Showers at least once a day, twice if possible. Remember to try to brush your teeth, too.

36. Favorite rock or gemstone?

Amythest because it's my birthstone

37. Favorite tree?

Redwoods are pretty cool

38. Favorite type of weather?

Not too hot, not too cold and sunny and cloudless or overcast and rainy, depending on mood

39. Least favorite type of weather?

The type of cloudless hot day that just saps your energy away like nothing else

40. What is their favorite season? (remember winter is summer and spring is fall)

Winter

41. How many languages could they speak before the memory loss? How many do they currently speak?

English and very broken French

42. Do they sing or play any instruments?

I sing from time to time (albeit not very good) and I have an ocarina that I really want to take time and learn

43. What do they tend to joke about?

Self-deprecation is my go-to, then there's vine humor and some standup, then just nonsense humor (See: bORGER)

44. After a stressful day how do they relax?

Nap a bit, then some music and/or video games

45. Guilty pleasures?

Idk, I can't think of any. Sonic ‘06, maybe is the closest thing that I have to one.

46. idiosyncrasies?

I guess you could list a lot of the usual ADHD stimming methods. I also adjust my glasses from the side sometimes whenever I’m nervous/anxious or when I want to appear confident. Adjusting my watch on my wrist is also something that I do a lot. I know I have a lot more, but :/

47. How do they act when they first meet someone new? How quickly do they warm up to them?

I can be kinda timid and quiet. I usually try to listen in on conversations involving that person/people to try to find somethings that I can remember and use for initiating conversations, especially if it’s with stuff that I know a bit about. It usually takes two or three semi-long times amd well interactions spent with me for me to start being comfortable around other people. I don't warm up too quickly, unless if you can get through my barriers pretty well

48. In what order would they prioritize Love, fame, money, power, and knowledge?

Love, knowledge, money, power, fame

49. List four or more things they love to do

Draw, read, talk with internet friends, play video games, browse the internet

50. List four or more things they hate to do

doing boring and uninteresting school work, being an unnecessary nuisance, hearing about family drama, engaging in school drama

51. List five or more things they have said that sum up who they are

"I'm laughing my ass off rn because the program the state is using for EOC testing was apparently hacked so we aren't testing today, but when my class heard it almost everyone started looking at me and saying I did it." [...] "Meanwhile: I nearly tripped over my backpack"

"Oh good, we get to make memes of stuff in the Louvre for extra credit. Looks like my grade is about to rise drastically."

"I’m gonna go provoke this cult so I can get asks in my inbox"

“I stole this haircut from a lion”

"I have many problems"

52. How do they react to (both verbal and physical) conflict?

I'm a pacifist so I try to stay out of situations like that (They bring up too many negative memories and emotions for me)

53. What kind of bad habits to they have?

I have a lot of trouble with a perfectionist mentality. It gets me into a lot of sticky situations

54. What kind of character faults do they have?

What even is self-esteem/ self-worth/ self-love????? To me, my needs come last. Self-doubt out the wazoooooo. Tons of unresolved shit. That's barely even scratching the surface.

55. What’s their best trait in their opinion?

I try to have a lot of empathy for people and I want to make people happy, even if I’m not happy.

56. What do they think of their appearance?

I like mine, at least a bit.

57. How do they interact with people in a position of authority?

Honestly, it just depends on the person. If the person in question is a dick, you better believe I’m not going to react well to their face.

58. Who did they look upto as a kid?

Mostly like video game characters from games that I played.

59. How do they interact with kids?

I like kids pretty well.

60. Do they want kids of their own someday?

I don't know. I don't think I'm at a point in my life where I can answer that right now.

61. Are they religious? If so what god/goddess or gods/goddesses do they worship?

I'm agnostic

62. What do they think the meaning of life is?

Idk... Maybe... Self-discovery, in a way.

63. What would they want their last words to be?

There are three roads. Maybe omething meaningful, like "Thank you," maybe something vague and prophetic like, "You won't have to wait much longer," or maybe, just maybe, something like, "I'll be back bitches!!!"

64. What do they want to do before they die?

I want to make at least one game and book that people enjoy and that I will be satisfied with

65. What/how do they want to be remembered for after they die?

I would like to be remembered fondly by people who knew me.

66. How do they express affection?

I'm usually very asocial, so if I make an active effort to maintain communication with someone, then they usually mean something to me. I also send memes and stuff. Also, I try to open up a little more around people that I trust

67. What do they normally eat for breakfast?

It usually just depends on how much time I have in the morning. Can range from poptarts to a slice of toast between two pieces of bread to leftover pizza

68. Do they like spicy food?

Yeah

69. Favorite fruit and or vegetable?

Favorite fruit is probably mandarin oranges and my favorite vegetable is probably carrots

70. Do they like sweets?

On occasion

71. Do they drink alcohol? If they do, what do they act like when their drunk?

Nope, but probably like a damn fool

72. How do they take their tea/coffee?

I like sweet ice tea or maybe some herbal tea with a small bit of sugar or honey. As for coffee, I don't usually drink it, but I can drink it pure black or french vanilla

73. What food would they refuse to eat?

Most things that have a weird texture and/or smell

74. Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing?

You ever drink just straight sauces? Like A1 steak sauce or barbecue sauce? Yeah....

75. When going on the road what food could they not live without?

I need me some original ritz

76. What meal gives them a sense of nostalgia?

Not sure about nostalgia, but my school sells fresh-made chocolate chip cookies during lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I get them a lot when I'm having bad days

77. What do they do when no one’s around?

I sometimes sing and maybe hop around, but I usually just do stuff that I do when people are around (like browse tumblr)

78. How would they react if a prized possession got stolen?

Cry, feel numb, or go ballistic. There is no in-between.

79. What’s the first thing they would buy if they won the lottery?

A better computer, that's for sure

80. What would their favorite modern invention be?

The Nintendo Switch!!

81. In a new unfamiliar place what do they do?

Observe the surroundings from the sidelines before doing anything

82. Someone just threatened them what do they do?

It depends on the situation, but I either brush it off or I take precautionary measures (like a protective order if my life is being threatened)

83. A rather well rich looking woman just dropped her purse and didn’t notice. What do they do?

I might try to give it back.... after I check her wallet and get some cash as an award...

84. What’s the worst thing someone has said to them?

The one that sticks out the most is probably the time when one of my older half-brothers was yelling at me and said that if I ever wonder why people say that I act like a school shooter it's because I act like one most of the time (all this stemmed because I was frustrated over a book recommendation not posting and instead of letting me silently cool down, my mom and brother kept on talking crap about me and I decided to say "Just shut up for a few minutes").

Oh, but there’s also the time when I went with my dad to the divorce case’s hearing to testify against my mom and my brothers and the judge looked at me and said “You’re 16, right? In two years, you’ll be 18. When I was 18 I was heading to war. So, if you’re gonna cry, go do it somewhere else because I don’t want anyone coming up here and being a crybaby in my courtroom.” That fucking stunned me when he said it.

85. What is the strangest thing they’ve ever come across?

"can i hear your belly" has to be the weirdest and most unsettling direct message that I have ever gotten from someone who isn't a bot and it haunts me to this day

86. Someone just stole food from them what do they do?

I don't usually eat a lot, so if someone takes food from me I don't really care.

87. They meet a man at a crossroads. The man says they can have everything they’ve ever wanted. What happens next?

I would check to see if there was anything I want to make sure that my family and friends and people who are close to me that haven’t experienced mental illnesses like depression or anxiety to never develop any mental illnesses as long as they live, before anything.

88. As a child what would they say they wanted to be as an adult? ie. When I grow up I’m going to _______

My dream has always been and continues to be to become a successful video game developer and/or producer. I want to help create worlds to escape to when the real world becomes a bit too overbearing.

89. What’s their D&D alignment?

I consider myself a neutral good

90. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done?

Oof, that's a long list. Probably entering the crawlspace under my Grandma's house too fast and getting a part of my lower back pretty bad. Boy, did it leave a pretty big scar.

91. Have they ever got in trouble with the law or been arrested?

Nope

92. Do they know how to win a fight?

I like to think so. I'm not going to not play dirty if I feel like I'm in danger. Also try to use the environment to your advantage if possible.

93. Are they good at hand to hand combat?

I dunno. I doubt it, but I haven't really tried.

94. Have they ever stolen something?

I have, but really only minor things and only from people that I hate

95. Have they ever killed someone?

Not yet, :p

96. What/who do they find disgusting?

I can't look at stuff or pictures like decaying stuff (like dead stuff) without gagging

97. What upsets them the most?

Conflict mostly. The thought that I'm bothering people also does it. And I feel odd, to say the least about physical contact.

98. What anime character would they be?

I feel like maybe Fafnir (Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid) or either Shinra or Mikado (Durarara!) could fit me.

99. What disney character would they be?

I didn't really know about this one, so I asked a few of my friends and one of them [the one who actually answered my question with an actual Disney character] said that I remind them of Sora from Kingdom Hearts, on the grounds that I've "got a good heart" and I'm "always confused". It was the nicest thing I've heard all week^^

100. What monster would they be?

Knife-wielding tentacle

101. What mythological figure would they be?

Tbh, I don't know enough mythology off the top of my head to answer this question.

102. List three songs that you associate with them.

Hmm.... this one is very tough for me because there are different songs that define different points in my life... As for songs that kinda aren’t bound by specific points in my life, even if I haven’t known these songs all my life, I'm thinking that these could fit the best here:

ECHO (feat. GUMI) by Crusher-P

Simple Life by Fox Stevenson

Canonball (Mythos Remix) from Megaman Zero 3

Anyway, I hope you now know a little more about me now. Do what you will with the information, I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . It’s really late for me and I’m really tired so I may go ahead and get some sleep for tonight. Have a good one everyone^^ !

#[[P.S. in the tags]]#zero #about zero #long post #not a quote #shitthehousessay #it would be great if you could like not use this info against me. I already have tons of trust issues so I'm #entrusting you Internet Stranger to please respect that. I mean I'm not too worried tbh. Mel and Miki built a pretty good #community on this blog filled with tons of wonderful and kind people. You all are great!!! <3 #that being said it's still cool if you want to like/reblog this post (dunno why you would want to rb this but #I mean I won't get mad if you do)

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threenorth · 3 years

Text

7 years - one of the best day's of my life.

(I always thought it was July *insert dates* but since the occasion of the anniversary I had to look back at the photo in where the girl holds a weapon of a doctor and it read it said June...

- I've decided to make this now because the actual day will cripple me..)

(Edit: on June 1st ill send this... But not the actual date because i will be not online or responding.)

...

....

.....

......

Dear ,loml,Girl,Freind, Lauren,Rose

I had a mental break down on our third day in the cinema in where because I wanted to make you happy for the rest of your life, but i knew i wouldn't be able to so i left to the best of my ability to get out of your life because i knew that i would probably be the reason you never are as happy as I've always wanted you to be....

In the movie(tfios) tjis was reinforced i relaized within all disillusions of reality in my terrible mental state of mind that the only way hazel grace gor her happyness Augusts had to not be in her picture anymore.

i will have to let you go completely and it's gonna be extremely difficult for me to do that as you were and still are the girl i thought id marry and spend the rest of my life with... But the times they are changin' *blows a humonaca * Remember me to one who lives there... She once was a true love of mine.

So i decided it was for the best to cutt the ropes to the reinforced bridge and let it collapse under it's own weight and oh man it was an ugly and it hurt to watch it implode but it had to, i wasn't doing any better within my fight but i was about to be knocked down more than I could ever realise.

Maybe i can work on myself and try this therapy thing but they only told me i was depressed and there wasn't enough criteria to help with my other issues that i know was wrecking my life...

I was hoping you would stick around but i forced you away, i didn't want to hurt you as my demons were eating my mind that's the last thing i would want is to hurt you ever in anyway shape or form...

I wished everyday to hold you in my arms like the days previously so i hugged my pillow and cried till there wasnt any tears...

i don't like touch expect handshakes

I never even liked kissing my girlfriend's in person but you made me want to feel every inch bump and scar every little last part of you because you made me fit back together with one hug...and I've never felt so alive...

We never got to look under the stars by a camp fire with smores all cuddled up in a sleeping bag watching stars on your roof but you would of told me stories of the universe...

I would of told you how when i look to the stars i see the same beauty as you... those stars still do that.

I would of hoped you would of told me your life story that i never wanted to know because i knew it was rough, maybe you might of seen why i never spoke about mine in fear of traumatising you...

One day when dying your hair You asked me if i liked i blonde hair or black hair i didn't care as long as you were happy but I remember saying something like but your gonna have to dye your hair as i thought it was naturally black and you corrected me to say you were a natural blonde.. I could see you in your long blonde hair down to the knees and smile loaded to kill and that it does now, you would of had some books in hand on the way to your writers den log cabin the back woods of Washington or Oregon woods with a fireplace to make tea and write the book you wanted to make and i hope you write still... I stopped because it hurt to much.

Your smile even in black hair made me feel like this life was worth living and with a it cutt deeper -*sentence reacted*- then *redacted*

I waited years for my next trip to America and the day i would break news to you that i was coming and more so to co and i hoped it would be one day but i got three and i am forever grateful.

I remember hiding behide the door because I wanted to surprise you, and man you jumped through the roof then suffocated me with arms and played with my hair no one has ever done anything remotely close to that ever since as i want to keep my distance with everyone... Three days later i had to go to ohio ugh midwest family trump voters, the door was open and i didn't have time to knock i just had to go we had an hour before the flight and i was granted 5 minutes i had and would of hoped you would of known my voice i called out, i hadn't relaized with my undiagnosed autsim i caused you a panic attack and I'm truly sorry i caused you pain in anyway as you told me a year later and i was truly shocked my fear of hurting you had happened and even when i thought it was safe to rebuild a bridge it wasn't because i knew i couldn't control my actions... I was unstable and i had to leave again.

Back to the 5 mins on day 4 I told you i had to go but i never said goodbye Because to me it wasn't goodbye it was till we meet again... I was hoping shortly in the sense but i knew it might be awhile longer but not 7 fucking- *reacted*

I gave you the gifts i wanted on the first day but it was better to wait...

I gave you chocolate to remember the sweet taste of life.

I gave my favourite t-shirt to snuggle even with a dot of blood from my shaved face for those conservtives in the Midwest.

I gave you the weapon of the doctor to keep you safe when i couldn't be there.

I gave you an anchor necklaces to remind you that you calm the seas that are rough, and you wore it to your home coming with your blue prom dress oh man you were the girl id take to my ball/prom/home coming dance that's why i never attended mine.

I gave you a hallowed book to well at the time ultimately keep secrets in the library of old books and i was hoping it was big enough for the sonic screw driver but ultimately it would hold whatever secrets the girl wished to hide.

I gave you tea to help keep you warm and calm on those lonely bitter cold winter days, the lemon grass and ginger warms the soul and cleans.

I remember in my last turn away the hazel eye's of a girl and i saw the universe, i saw her long blonde hair and i want to make into French braids I don't know how to braid but I'd learn anything if you asked me to within reason... Because i have a few disabilities but I would try to do what ever i had to... In 2013 with my time to heal i was told to make some goals for my life...and here is some of them...

* go to college and get a degree (I spent 3 years working and trying to figure out what to do and 3 years doing it achieving this in 2018*)

* get a good job (*i got this this year because in 2019 i was diagnosed with high functioning autism and it made me spiral into doom where everything that happened to me made sense like why the kids use to call me Sheldon Cooper)

I just wanted a girl not any other girl but the girl who I found through a mutual tumblr and my word... 2012 what a year...

I have very few things left on this list and I have to make peace with that and i don't like looking up at the stars anymore but i know your on the other side of the world looking at the *more or less/slightly different* same stars.

I have a tattoo planned for you but I don't want you to know what one is you but I'm sure you're know.

You always had a way to see right through me so my re-creation my look of style was born from your vision for me with the twist of capt was my favourite avengure hes super human nothing more then enhancing his ability. I just tried to be a good man and ultimately I don't want you to feel bad for anything because your already as cute as i wanted you to become and now it's my turn to evolve and since working

I've been able to I must work out at the gym i must go to uncomfortable places,deal to my own problems one at a time little by little and i would hope by the time you read this I'm on new meds for my issues and funny how money can't buy happiness but it can buy me temporary relief but when I return whenever that is... if you are still out there wherever you are i want you to know i that.... live your life and you told me you don't want nothing to do with me so i will go my separate way, but i will always be here for you...

I thought id reach a few weeks ago because I had my first time went manic in 3 years but I couldn't control it i was stuck in mania for two weeks i tried tell you but I said things i never I asked the answers to things racing through my head... Amd now i have to live with the answers i feared and I alreday knew to be true i didn't want to know it i wanted to keep my dreams of being with you one last time this time the right time and you could of seen the man i wish i was, I'm just stuck in the middle of all these things...

Ultimately i want you to know that no matter what comes my way I've keep breathing I've never self harmed since promising you and my biggest trial is yet to start and your words haunt me but they must be the only words in my brain that aren't mine that i know aren't mine and I tried to keep my tabs on you to make sure that you were okay i didn't know if you would ever want to hear from me as the last thing i herd was i give you panic attacks and axiterty and now you give me panic attacks and axiterty.... I don't worry about them because you mean so much to me and don't worry about me I'll be okay eventually I'm in my final stages of evolution and I'm just a tad slow to catchup...

I've recently found out i have extremely flat feet that's why i gave up sports and couldn't run very far without pain and now i glasses to see clearly with an eye stigisim in where the over bearing load of one eye being more powerful has thrown my body... It is only the beginning finally and ultimately not the end but a beginning.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to try get back to reality... It just so happens all my medical conditions from birth really fucked up my mental health.

I'm glad you are free and happy... I ju-*redacted*

If you ev-*redacted*

I'm *redacted*

I've been stuck in space for to long and now I'm grounded I'm trying to repair our friendship...

Edit 3: I've been referred to the hospital, it would appear that i was depressing myself to cope to turn my brain off from reailty and with my truma of bullying for years at schooling that ultimately fucked me over as when trying to revist reality causes me to be manic and psychosis with visual hulusnate....i had asthma and so i could never get deep enough breaths to recenter myself during axiterty attacks and i stopped taking them because i didn't need them for fitness but i needed them for my panjc attacks that then led to my depression that i didn't take my medications for just breathing fucking air.

It's funny how everything has intertwined it's self into my life of old...and my new live...

A girl that isn't the same person i once knew said You have to be brave enough to get your diagnosis, I'm scared but i know that i must.

I'll be o -

I'll be okay...

*tears*

I wish i knew all my issues sooner before they come back haunt me but i never had all the answers and now i do...

7 years on from... (because i know the date... *the day we...)

I'm burning a sun to say goodbye.

I finally can say goodbye to you. If not in person but the only way I can.

This isn't a suicide letter.

I'm sorry

I *redacted*

I don't *redacted*

Don't *redacted*

Yours

Always Charlie,the Beautiful Mind,

RlF

Personal Sidenote;

I would of mailed a letter but I have no address.

I would of called but i never got a phone number.

Burn after reading...

i might write you a letter sometime again but I haven't decided when to as this is something I've wanted to do for years but didn't know what I'd say to you without hurting either of us.

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sammlethal · 3 years

Text

Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?

Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.

My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.

That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.

That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.

Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.

I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.

Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.

Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.

Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.

You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.

Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.

I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!

I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.

She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.

We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.

And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.

All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.

ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).

And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.

She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.

And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.

So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.

So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.

I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.

But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.

How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.

I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.

How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?

Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.

And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.

Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.

I love you

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bunnymonstur · 7 years

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Secrets Are Better Left Unsaid

Chapter Two: Coffee Shop

Writer: admin monnie

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Description: Awkward conversations are awkward

Chapters: One Two Three Four

The small coffee shop you three had decided to go to was quite adorable, it had a home-like feeling to it with the wood accents and warm colors. Soft hums of acoustic versions of popular songs playing via the intercom, creating a serene ambiance, and yet the awkwardness in the air seemed to intensify with each second that passed by. You decided to try and start a conversation, if just to make things a little better “So um… how have things been lately?”

“They’ve been good… yeah…”

“That’s nice to hear”

“Yep”

“…”

You both drank from your coffee mugs, avoiding eye contact while Yoonsoo kept quiet, drawing in the coloring pages the small coffee shop offered customers. You knew it was a dumb idea to ask him to hang out, you can’t just ask people you haven’t seen in two years to spend time with you! Okay yes both of you were close back in the day but it doesn’t mean things would go smoothly suddenly and-

Jin put his mug down, letting out a small sigh “Well, this reminds me of the first time we talked. Do you remember?” he said fondly while putting his elbow on the table, resting his head on the palm of his hand. You gave him a hum, the memory bringing a smile to your face “Yeah, I remember.”

“Then do you think we could skip that part, since we’ve already been through it? We were close friends before, let’s talk freely with each other again okay?” you were taken aback by his words, if memory served right Jin had always been a quiet person. Not to say that it was a bad thing, you always hoped for the elder to be able to freely express himself without worrying about other’s opinions, but then again it had been a long while since you both talked with each other. “Sorry, you’re totally right. I guess it’s just- Well, we haven’t seen each other in a long while. But if I’m honest, I’m grateful to cross paths with you again” He smiled brightly, sitting up “Then let’s catch up in each other’s lives! What were you doing in the market today? Grocery shopping?” he might have become less shy, but he’s still the same soft-spoken person you remembered “Yeah, me and Yoonsoo were running some errands. Right Mini-minie?” the child raised his head at the mention of his name, nodding his head and making quick eye contact with Jin before going back to coloring. Jin chuckled “Ah, I see. I was actually passing by for some ingredients I needed, do you live close by?” You nodded “A couple minutes away from here, but what about you? Do you still room with Joonjae at the dorms?”

“No, not anymore. Remember how I wanted to get my own place? Well I finally did a month ago, you have no idea how much of a blessing it has been.” He replied with content, and you nodded in agreement. Joonjae was the definition of annoying, not only did he had no sense of boundaries but he would always expect Jin to just clean after him, not to mention how obnoxiously loud he was, especially if he managed to bring a girl over to do… certain activities... It’s still a mystery how Jin could endure all the suffering that the reincarnation of Satan made him go through.

“I’m very glad to hear that” you told him “What about your job, do you still work at Gold Crown?” Jin nodded, taking another sip from his cup “Yeah, we’re getting quite busy now with the holidays being so close. I swear I’ll get diabetes if I eat another candy sample…” he added somberly with a pained face, you laughed at his confession, making him pout “Don’t laugh _____-ah, I’m serious! Working in that confectionery is a nightmare” he complained, making you laugh harder and your son giggle. Jin turned his attention to the little one “Eeeeh? So you think this is funny too?” he teased, Yoonsoo covered his smile and took shelter behind you “I’m sorry hyung” he tells him timidly. You wrap your arm around him instinctively, smiling widely. “It’s okay, ummm… Yoonsoo right?” he nods timidly, Jin offers him a warm smile “My name is Seokjin, it’s nice to meet you”

“It’s nice to meet you too Seokjin-hyung” he replies politely, bowing his head amd then returning to busying himself with finishing his drawing, ever so often drinking from his chocolate milk. Jin’s gaze return to you, his eyes asking the question he has been avoiding saying, but instead he quickly changes the conversation and you couldn’t be more thankful to him for it. You both continued to talk about almost anything, from the change in weather to recent activities and even sharing recipes with each other. Anyone that knows Kim Seokjin knows that his true love is food, and even if he could very well become a model, he instead pursues a cooking career. And you were sure that his heavenly meals will make him go very far in his career, or life for that matter.

After a while of going back and forth in the conversation, Jin’s phone rings. He picks it from inside his jacket, giving you an apologetic look and answering the call. “Hello? … Yeah I finished already … No, I’m not in a traffic jam … What do you mean? … Wha- it hasn’t been that long you liar! I’ve been out for” he checked the time in his screen “… Okay maybe I have, but I got a little sidetracked … doing what? Catching up with-” he looked up at you. You just shook your head with a pleading look “-an old friend … Yeah I’ll be on my way, stop whining … Aish! You’re not gonna die of starvation you coconut head stop being dramatic. Tell the others I’ll be there soon too, I’ll see you guys later … Alright, bye” he hangs up and puts his phone away, looking at you apologetically. “Well I guess this is where our small reunion ends then?” you ask him.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and talk for a little longer, but you know what it’s like with those boys.” you nod, agreeing “Yeah, I know. Seems like they haven’t really changed that much either.” He chuckles softly “Seems so.” All of you stand up from the table, putting back your many layers of clothing and stepping out of the shop and into the cold with your bags. “Why don’t you let me drop both of you off? I parked my car close by anyways” Jin offered, “Oh no it’s fine, we don’t want to bother you” you tell him, picking up your toddler and once again placing him on your hip. Jin waved his hand in a dismissing manner “It’s not a bother, I’ll do it gladly. Plus, I want a little more time to hang out with you, we haven’t talked to each other since-…” Since you broke up with Yoongi. You smiled bitterly at him, hugging Yoonsoo closer. Jin sighs deeply, giving you an apologetic look. “Either way… I won’t mind to do it, so please let me drive you home” he pleads, “Alright, why not?” you tell him, and with that said you three head into the direction of his car.

The ride back was filled with a comfortable silence. With the warm air flowing from the ventilators, Yoonsoo quickly fell asleep on the backseat of the car. “You’re not gonna ask huh?” you say, catching Jin off guard. He presses his lips in a thin line, letting out air from his nose “It’s not really my place to intrude, it is your personal life after all.” He says in a hushed tone, “I’ll admit that I have been curious, we’ve all been. You completely disappeared after the break-up. You moved out of your dorm, changed your number, quit your job, and you were nowhere to be found at the uni campus. Yet here you are, same appearance but a different life, a kid and… What really happened _____-ah?” You looked away, not knowing what to say or even think, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but remember that I’ll never judge you. We might have lost contact, but you’re still important to me.” Jin finishes, quickly patting your shoulder and gripping the wheel again. You let out a deep sigh, leaning against the window “A lot of things happened oppa… I don’t think I can tell you everything right now, but I’ll say this much: I am happy now, I have a friend who I can depend on, she’s like a sister to me. I didn’t drop out of school either, so please don’t worry about that, and yes, Yoonsoo is my biological son. It’s been tough, but I have managed to come this far, and I’ll keep doing it for him, he’s my inspiration to achieve all of my goals, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” you replied, Jin’s expression was unreadable as he mewled over this new information, and you grew more and more nervous the longer he stayed quiet. He parked his car on the tenant area, killing the engine and finally looking at you. “_______-ah. I-… I don’t know what to say” you swallowed hard “I know you’re not ready to tell me everything, and I don’t expect you to. Let me just say-” he snorts"-you sound very much like a mother. I should know I have five of them" he jokes, making you finally crack a smile “and I really admire that you’re willing to do anything for your son, it shows how much you have matured as a person.” you were a little speechless, you hadn’t really expected him to say something like that to you. God bless Kim Seokjin and his pure heart.

You thanked him for the drive back home and exchanged phone numbers with him. ‘Just in case you need someone to lend you an ear, or help you out in any way.’ he’d said, and then proceeded to pick up your snoring prince and your bags. You walked inside the building, and then headed straight for the elevator and to your apartment. Gihye locked herself inside her room, more than likely to finish touching up the pictures she had gone out and taken. You laid down Yoonsoo on the sofa careful not to wake him up, put the groceries away, and then finally sat down and relaxed. It had been quite nice to had seen a familiar face after so long, talking to Jin had made you realize how much you missed hanging out with him and the rest of the guys.

It also made you wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t been a coward and ran away. Would they have rejected you? Or would they have accepted you like Jin had? Would Yoongi have accepted his kid? How would the rest of them react if you had told them before? You looked down at your sleeping son, curled up in a ball with his hands pulling the blanket close to his face. His hair lazily laying on his features, and a calm expression on his face. You gently moved his hair out of his face, placing a kiss on his forehead.

One thing was for sure: You would never regret deciding to raise your son. With or without his father knowing.

Chapters: One Two Three Four

#admin monnie #yoongi fanfic #reader insert #seokjin #bts fic #bts angst #yoongi angst

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hongbubs · 7 years

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@cinnamonsnow sent me an ask thing so prepare for a loooong Haikyuu (AsaDai and Yamaguchi) rant

AKA OHH BOYYYY BUCKLE UP DDDDDDD:

001 -AsaDai

When I started shipping it if I did: Like how many episodes did it take for Asahi to appear? That’s when :D

My thoughts: HAPPY HAPPY FEELINGZ ALL AROUND T.T I ship this ship to the ends of the world and back and it’s both my second favorite pairing for Daichi and Asahi. Because my first favorite pairing for BOTH Daichi and Asahi is AsaDaiSuga and I would die for all of these boys.

What makes me happy about them: That they exist??? Okay, so basically I love how insanely and completely Daichi trusts Asahi and how much he relies on him. Like how there seems to be 0 doubts in his head about Asahi backing him up and holding his ground in his stead and of course we mostly see that during games, but since this is a sports anime games are pretty good parallels for their everyday relationship. Asahi is a safety net for Daichi and when at the beginning he was trying so hard to get him to come back, I believe that was as much for himself as it was for the team - like for Daichi to function as well as a captain as he does, he needs to know that Asahi is there having his back, mentally and sometimes physically. Re: when he had to leave bc of his injury. Daichi puts on the bravest and strongest and most driven front for his team but we know that sometimes hes afraid and has doubts and I believe Asahi is amongst the few that are aware of that and are able to give some strength back to him.

As for Asahi, well, it goes without saying that when you are constantly viewed as one thing while being totally different (re: big scary guy vs actual baby kitten), when you constantly doubt yourself and try your damned hardest to overcome those doubts and fears, having someone trusting you and treasuring you unconditionally can save your life. I believe that Daichi loving and cherishing Asahi (either as just a friend or a lover) is a constant source of confidence and willpower for him, especially since he clearly looks up to Daichi in a way. (As does everyone and rightfully so).

TL;DR: It makes me happier than anything how SUPPORTIVE they are for each other, how much they can mutually rely on each other and overall how everything in their relationship seems to be built on mutual and unquestioned trust and love and respect, which in turn makes them both stronger as individuals.

What makes me sad about them: I’ve seen in mentioned multiple times that Daichi goes to Tokyo and Asahi doesn’t?!?!? And I don’t want them to separate?!?! :(((((((( Also the lack of AsaDai random interaction content : DDD

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: THE FACT THAT THE TAG HAS ABOUT 50 FICS?!? Like honestly I’m not gonna get annoyed because characterisation is the freedom of the artist, but I personally don’t enjoy reading about Asahi as this fragile and shy and insecure quasi-princess character. Sure he is mentally fragile sometimes and he gets shy and insecure sometimes, but he is also a strong-minded person, an ace of all positions, and he fights to overcome his fear of challenge and failure so hard. Don’t erase that part of him. Similarly, I don’t really like overconfident and insensitive Daichi either.

Things I look for in fanfic: basically existence? Xd mutual support and love and lots of caring for each other and just silly boys in love :D but then again I look for that in all fics soooo yeah.

Who I’d be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: basically all 4 of the 3rd years (so them and Sugawara and Shimizu) I’d love and support and cherish if they ended up together in any pairing. Other than that I haven’t given it much thought yet I guess? I just want them to be happy T.T

My happily ever after for them: I want Daichi to eventually get a job where he can keep on being a leader/teacher, maybe even a coach later, and before that, play in a uni team for a while maybe too… but I guess I can’t see either of them as Big City Men running around with briefcases. Maybe join one of those neighborhood volleyball teams together for fun… I’d love for Asahi to have his own little something, like a flower shop or a little craft store something equally pretty and cheesy, and Daichi helps out when he’s not coaching/teaching and its the ultimate soothing bliss for him, just arranging bouquets with Asahi, not really talking just being together, enjoying the quiet and the flowers and the company… and living like that until they’re both 200….

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: generally Daichi is the big spoon because even though Asahi is bigger, Daichi is just one of those people BORN TO BE the big spoon. Perfect husband spoon material… but then there would of course be times when he’d just curl up and let Asahi envelope him in warmth and safety and peace.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: lots of outdoor activities, like hiking and biking and camping? Things where you don’t have to talk a lot to enjoy it, but if you want to, you can have the deepest/ most open conversations without feeling embarrassed. They’d go on these 1 night camping trips, hike somewhere with their stuff on their backs, discover little hidden streams or views from mountaintop, collect wood, build a little fire in front of the tent, watch the stars, talk about memories and future plans, dreams and fears, without having to feel awkward about being honest and vulnerable.

002 - Yamaguchi Tadashi

How I feel about this character: I WILL PROTECT AND LOVE HIM UNTIL THE DAY I DIE AND THEN MY GHOST WILL FLOAT AROUND WHISPERING INTO PEOPLE’S EARS: LOVE YAMAGUCHI

All the people I ship romantically with this character: There isn’t actually that many… YamaYachi is super sweet and lovely, and TsukkiYama is also sweet in its own extremely codependent and childish way :)) I haven’t honestly seen many Yamaguchi ships but basically anyone would be luck af to have Yamaguchi so, yeah.

My non-romantic OTP about this character: I LOVE LOVE LOVE how Shimada teaches him and helps him and believes in him and cheers for him, I love their relationship so muchhhhhhhhhhhhh also I generally see him and Tsukki as a BROTP rather than a couple but yeah that’s a whole different story :))

My unpopular opinion about this character: He is one of the strongest willed characters imo, because he’s technically the least talented and he gets nervous and misses a lot at first but instead of just quitting he struggles to keep up with the team. I was like that once (except I was not simply the least talented I basically sucked xdd) and tho I loved volleyball, I just quit because I hated staying while knowing that I’m the least useful member of the team. Idk what counts as an unpopular opinion since I haven’t read that many posts about him, but it’s certainly a very important one for me.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: the whole stadium cheering and shouting his name as he gets 10 consecutive no-touch ace points in? :D Oikawa saying that he’s great at serving? Tsukki hugging him and telling him how important his friendship is to him and how much he cares about him? Like, i know i know that THEY BOTH KNOW IT and like tsukki doesn’t have to SAY it for Yamaguchi to know, but I still want him to xd oooops that’s not one thing xd

My OTP: uhhh idkkkk as i said i havent seen that many pairings but out of the ones i saw its the TsukkiYama BROTP. Like if i had to choose one relationship with him and someone else that i love more than the others.

My crossover ship:… SO MANY FANDOMS TO CHOOSE FROMMMMMM but just. Limiting it to the few animes I’ve been watching recently (Shingeki no Kyojin amd Free)… he reminds me of Marco, kinda, so maybe Jean/Yamaguchi… AND ALSO CONSIDER: SMALL FRECKLED ANGEL YAMAGUCHI AND GIANT SOFT ANGEL MAKOTO. ALL THE ANGELS ALL THE SOFT.

One headcanon fact: one stolen (from @topftopf ’s BokuAkaKuuroTsukki series, aka the If You Read One Haikyuu Fic Series Then Make It This One as i like to call it): Yamaguchi grows out his hair, gets some tattoos and a bike, and he’s basically The Dream Guy. Hottest, Sweetest, Nicest, COOLEST by all standards. Get yourself a Yamaguchi. And one original: sometimes when he just Cant Deal™ with Tsukki’s shit, he’d go to Yachi and BICH freely about how his best friend is insufferable because Yachi will always listen to him but would never say it back to anyone or hold it against Tsukki and Yamaguchi is always careful around others since everyone talks shit about Tsukki and he wants them all to see and love him as he does, rather than how Tsukki wants to seem. This later develops into free bitching sessions with the two of them where they can let out all their frustration about other people that they’d never say out loud to anyone else. (Like Yachi about her mom, or stupid first year boys that keep obnoxiously trying to flirt with her…)

#asks #haikyuu #im literally dying of haikyuu feelz as of late #save meeeeee #cinnamonsnow #asadai #yamaguchi #all of these boys are my children

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