#i really hate discussing stuff like this online but i have to get this off my chest

[happyfunf3tti]

i hate living with family members that preach compassion but when something like the topic of misgendering gets brought up theyre like well you chose to be different

#my dad. im talking about my dad. #i really hate discussing stuff like this online but i have to get this off my chest #he embarrassed me and my sister by being incredibly insensitive when talking about this in public #like he said is it the same thing like changing your race and i just sat there thinking YOU HAVE A BACHELOR'S DEGREE #its not that hard to understand #☠️dookie.avi🎂 #i have to stay with him for three weeks and i knew he was gonna pull something like this #tw vent

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 12

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

“How about it, Holly?” Steve’s voice brings you back from your trance.

You only realise then that you’ve zoned out. You look down at your plate, your burger half-eaten and the salad mostly gone. As your mom babbled on, you’d lost yourself staring out at the lawn. It didn’t really matter, she barely acknowledged you since you came out with dinner.

You glance between her and Steve, lost in the conversation already underway.

“I’d love that, it will be nice,” your mom answers, beaming across the table; the shade of the umbrella gathering in the lines of her face.

“How about you, kiddo? Grab you pajamas and join the party,” Steve looks at you.

“Huh?” You and your mom utter in unison.

“Both of us?” She asks in a brittle quaver.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be a nice way to connect. Holly, I know you’re a mother first, it’s a package deal.”

“Mm, yeah, I just... I misinterpreted,” she puts her hand against her neck. “A sleepover, that’s fun.”

“I felt bad about last time. Don’t want anyone left out of movie night. I got popcorn, mph,” he turns to you again, “do you like cream soda? I got some cane stuff in the glass bottles--”

“That’s a lot of sugar,” your mother murmurs.

“It’s one night,” he shrugs, “it won’t hurt. Lots to go around.”

“I guess...” she forces a smile.

“Well, we can always hold off. I did promise ice cream,” he sits back and claps his thighs. “You all done?”

You stare at the table then look up in the silence. You don’t realise he’s talking to you. You nod. Your stomach won’t settle. It’s been off all day; you wonder if maybe the maple syrup was a bit too much yesterday.

“I’ll wrap it up for you, you can have it later if you want,” he stands and takes your plate, then your mother’s and his own. Where you nibbled through barely half, they had nothing left.

You sit back and cross your arms as Steve goes inside. Your mother sighs and glares past you. She’s annoyed even if you hadn’t made the decision yourself. You didn’t even accept the invitation.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“Whatever,” she rolls her eyes, “you just can’t help but get in the way.”

She leans forward. When she’s angry, her tremors worsen. She’s barely able to keep her head still.

“I didn’t...”

“Oh, be quiet. He only feels bad for you because he knows I can’t get rid of you,” she sneers. “He knows you have nothing go for you. No job, no friends, no hobbies.” She sits back and huffs, “I tried to raise you better. I really did. I don’t know what happened.”

You lower your head. Maybe you can come up with a lie. If you can find an excuse to leave, she won’t be able to hate you.

“I could say I’m not feeling well--”

“Just stay out of the way,” she snarls.

You sniff and turn away, hiding the gloss of tears in your eyes. Sometimes, you don’t do anything at all and she’s mad. You hear Steve coming back out and you wipe your nose, keeping your face down as you shrink.

You can be invisible. You’re good at that.

🏠

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, you accept a bowl of ice cream and finish it. Strawberry. It's delicious but you just can't enjoy it. You're uneasy, unsure.

You go to grab some pajamas, your mother issuing another warning before you return to Steve's. You wear a pair of polka dot bottoms and a jersey shirt. You'll just be watching tv, and hopefully, if you can settle down, sleeping.

Your mother sits on the couch. You can see the fatigue quivering in her lip and drooping in her eyelids. She never did as much before your new neighbour. You only ever stayed inside and wilted in the sunlight.

"Holly, you need anything?" Steve asks as he pushes up the ottoman, "how about you put your feet up. I just wanted to show her something."

"What's that?" Your mom asks.

"Oh, yeah, well, I know she likes art so I wanted to show her my studio. Or office, whatever you wanna call it."

"Mm, right. Upstairs, huh?" She grumbles.

"Right," he confirms, "we won't be too long. You can find a movie." He hands her the remote, "I had some extra pencils and stuff I found on the move. Figured she could take em off my hands."

"Sure, sure," she yawns and leans her head in her hands. You can't tell if she's witholding herself out of exhaustion or for Steve's benefit.

"Come on. We'll just pop up for minute," Steve nudges your arm.

You hug one arm across your stomach and push your shoulder up. You take his direction as he points you actoss the room. You go to the stairs and climb one by one.

Further down, he takes you into another room, just across from an open bedroom. You shuffle inside and can't help marvel at the interior. The walls are hung with still lifes in pencil, charcoal, and ink, and an easel stands by the window, a large drafting table at the center of the room.

"You do these?" You ask bluntly.

"Ha, yeah, I... when I saw your sketchbook, I admit, I got a bit excited. A fellow artist."

"You're an artist? You make money off of this?"

"Sure do," he smiles proudly. "Did some time in the army then had to get out, find some peace. Always found painting calms me."

"Oh."

"I wanted to say something sooner but I wanted to show you," he enters and brushes by you, hand dragging across your back. "Let me find those pencils."

You nod and pace cautiously around the table. There's an open sketchbook. A woman's naked back greets you, a piece of fabric draped around her hips as her refined profile is etched perfectly.

He's good. Better than you. You back away as he sorts through the shelf.

'Ah, here," he turns to you again, "pencils, sketchbook, oh and maybe you'll want these watercolours. I was sent two by accident."

"Oh, uh, thanks, but... you don't have to."

"You're talented. You'll make good use of them, I know it."

"Mm, I... try."

"There's this place I know. Great view. Maybe you can come one day. Good fodder," he offers. "Trees, water, and the sunset..."

"Maybe," you agree half-heartedly.

"Then maybe you can bring it to my next art show."

"Art show?" You mutter, eyes rounding.

"Sure. It'll be good for you. I know you take care of your mom and that's sweet but you gotta make your way. Eventually."

"I know," you slump and take the sketchbooks and flat tins from him. "Thank you. I..." you look at the brand names. You know they're expensive from the catalogues you look at but never buy from. "No one... these are so nice. I appreciate it."

"No problem, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything else. Hell, if you want a quiet place to work..." he stops behind you and looks around, "even just an escape..."

“That's okay,” you say as you go back into the hall.

You head back downstairs, the pencils clattering just a little in your hands. As you enter the living room, you hear a snort. Your mom's head lolls back against the couch as she snores. Steve walks into you from behind as he stops too late.

“Oop,” he frames your hips for just a moment as he presses again your back then parts. “Sleepyhead,” he chuckles and sidles past you, a waft of his cologne filling your lungs. He didn't smell so strongly before. “Well, guess it's your choice, sweetie,” he takes the remote and holds it out to you.

“Oh, uh, you choose,” you try to wave him off but he pushes the remote into your hand.

“You can put your stuff on the table,” he points to the sketchbook clutches against your chest, “better get cozy while I get the popcorn going.”

Before you can argue, he's gone. You turn to look at your mom. Why did she have to fall asleep? She could've said no to all of this, that she's too tired. Now it's you and Steve. Hopefully, the movie keeps the chatter to a minimum.

#steve rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #the girl next door #drabble #series #au #silverfox au #captain america #mcu #marvel

[jesncin]

Okay, I'll bite, what are your feelings on the trans conner pitch?

Oh boy! Thank you for tossing me this bone because I have a lot of mixed feelings!

I notice that people online are very hot and cold about the Trans Superboy Pitch, they either love it or hate it and that doesn't leave a lot of room for nuance + discussion. So to be respectful to a fellow trans peer in the industry, I want to do a fair review/analysis of Skyrocket: the trans Conner Kent pitch by Magdalene Visaggio.

My general takeaway from the pitch is that I like the premise, but the details fumble the execution for me. I can really feel from reading the pitch that Visaggio cares about Superboy. She understands that he's a very weird legacy character who has struggled to find proper footing in the DC Universe after all these years. An effective legacy character is one who is able to spin off and expand upon the themes of the character whose mantle they carry. But the cheesy whatever-goes 90's-ness of Superboy's original run didn't give future writers a lot to work with in terms of a Superman Legacy Character.

It's why I genuinely believe the later retcon reveal that -part of Conner's DNA is from Lex Luthor- is a fantastic addition to his character. It takes a character who was just kind of screwing off to gentrify Hawaii back into the center of Superman's good vs evil conflict. But now Conner's problem is that his story is too tied to his origin and Superman's shadow. Placing Conner with the Kents in Smallville afterwards made him narratively redundant. What's next for him?

So let's dig into the pitch!

I like what's at the heart of this pitch. It's a very season-3-ATLA-Zuko "honor wasn't all it's cracked up to be" arc and I think that suits Conner's character really well! It's the details I have gripes with:

"Conner has been largely relegated to the Jason Todd of the Superfamily" oof, haha that's not a particularly fair characterization.

The constant comparing of Superman to Christian imagery. He's described as basically "Jesus goddamn Christ" in the pitch. The Tyrannical Kryptonians are named Saint, Shepherd and Savior. No surprise I don't like seeing a character who allegorically represented Jewish immigrants to be constantly compared to Christian imagery and deified.

It's inevitable with pitching to the company, but the pitch is bogged down by a lot of convoluted plot points. I get that it's necessary to pitch event tie-ins and universe hopping shenanigans, but it's a lot.

Leland feels like a plot device in this. I'm sure there were plans to flesh out the brotherly clone relationship between him and Conner so that he can feel like his own character, but from the summary he just kind of revolves around Conner the way the pitch describes Conner revolving around Superman. Oops!

Conner's relation to Luthor and Superman works as a story about legacy, bloodlines and the things parents pass down to their kids. It's best when handled thematically and not literally because it's easy to get into essentialist "good genes" vs "evil genes" near-eugenics talking points. Unfortunately this pitch has a lot of that vibe. Leland has more Lex genes so he's super smart. Conner and Leland are able to start a schism in the Future Tyrannical Kryptonian House by "proving their truer genetic link to the original Superman, unsullied by thousands of years of tinkering" thereby gaining allies. Not great!

The part where Conner wants to find "his own Metropolis" by moving to Dripping Springs, Texas. That's Jinny Hex's field of operations, so is it really his own space? I would've just given Conner a new town so he can better stand on his own and build out a unique cast system.

Okay let's talk about the trans stuff!

I get that it makes for an Iconic Visual Superhero Moment, but I really don't like the part where Conner steps through a magical crystal and pops out the other side as a trans woman. It robs her of having that discovery on her own. The pitch says "I believe that this is as natural a move as Iceman's coming out". And just?? Man, remember when Jean Grey read Iceman Bobby Drake's mind and robbed him of his agency by outing him through that invasion of privacy? For a pitch all about Conner's journey of defining herself, it weirdly robbed her of that moment.

The pitch does such a good job talking about how Conner feels like her whole life revolves around Superman and how pointless wanting to be Superman feels now that Jon Kent has taken the mantle. She has Clark's genes, goes to Clark's hometown school, is raised by Clark's parents and all that. So then why is she eventually named after the women in Clark's life? Constance "Connie" Lara Kent. Clark's Kryptonian mom and human grandma? Was the world so small that she could not name herself after anyone else or come up with a new name? Connie doesn't even get to name herself, her new name is one Martha Kent bestows her with. It's hypocritical, and doesn't have the same impact that Superman giving Superboy a Kryptonian name does.

Speaking of which, this right here is my biggest gripe. It's not in the pitch itself but?? Wait- why go on about how Conner deserves a name that's not given to her and then turn around and make Martha name her? Sure, Connie comes up with the superhero name "Skyrocket" herself but surely she also deserves to name herself considering the thesis the pitch built up about self discovery and agency right?

Also with all due respect, this is the whitest queer take on Conner's identity. I wish white trans people could understand that you can have multiple true names that reflect different parts of you.

When Clark gives Superboy the name "Kon-El" it matters that it's given. It ties so well to the idea of familial acceptance into a nearly-extinct culture. You wouldn't know how to reclaim that part of your identity when that culture's been wiped out, so of course it's an honor to be trusted with a name that preserves Krypton's culture. This is a common practice with diaspora reclaiming cultural names from closed cultures, they are gifted their names by someone more culturally connected. I think the pitch having Martha name Connie is trying to echo this, but it doesn't hit the same without that cultural context. It also undercuts the genuine joy Conner felt from finally having a name he truly identifies with. Conner was only ever referred to as Superboy before then. When Clark gives him the name Kon El, Conner cries out that Kon El is his "real name". It's one of his defining moments, and to have that be diminished by saying "It's still a name someone else gave him" is so disappointing.

Then there's the design.

This is gonna lean more into preference, but I'm not the biggest fan of this design! I get what it's going for but it has too much going on everywhere. It also doesn't have that proto-punk look original Conner had, so it ends up not feeling like him. It's too superhero, and not enough casual-wear-on-a-supersuit that Conner sports really well. I see how it fits in with the everyone-in-Superfam-is-wearing-jackets-era, but I also think those new designs don't look good either. Especially Supergirl's. I feel like Conner should be more punk post transition. No respectability beam for her!

Also the name Skyrocket? It's giving knock off-brand toy vibes to me I'm sorry D: People on twidder suggested Supernova and that sounds way better! Even Visaggio stated she prefers that name so you can't be mad at me for this.

Overall big conclusion feelings!

I've been following Visaggio's work for a while because it's awesome seeing trans people getting picked up in comics. While there are some things about her writing I like, for the most part I've felt like her work isn't my cup of tea. I tried reading up a bunch of interviews she's in to try to understand why her writing wasn't clicking with me, and what I discovered is that we have fundamentally different approaches to queer storytelling.

From Paste Magazine. I get where she's coming from, trans characters deserve to have multi-faceted narratives that don't overly center how they're othered at the expense of further characterization. But also? I just actually find the interior lives of queer people and identity interesting. I like writing the kind of escapism and joy that's informed by surviving and inheriting hardships rather than erasing those things or skipping past it. I think this is why Connie is robbed of her trans discovery in the pitch. Why we don't get to watch her grapple with gender identity in a political way. Queer stories about queer struggles are considered archaic and unnecessary nowadays. It's part of the escapism Visaggio values in her work; to give a place of respite for trans readers from the cruelty they experience in reality, but I don't connect to stories like that personally. Whenever I try to share queer Indonesian art and writing with my peers, I'm often told it's too painful to look at. That our pain doesn't fit the modern expectation for happy, empowering queer stories. "trans people get enough hardships in real life, they don't need that in their fiction" Visaggio still talks about her newest projects like this btw.

I'd love to see a take on Conner that more holistically continues the political immigrant themes of Superman. The white parts of fandom love interpreting Conner's identity crisis as primarily a queer struggle, but it's also one of a person grappling with his mixed heritage. He's a diaspora kid separated by a generation away from Krypton. He has yet to make peace with the Luthor side of his identity, one borne of generational trauma and resentment for one's roots. Instead of a take where his queerness separates him from the pressures of legacy, I want to see a Conner take that has themes that are intersectional about his mixed diaspora and queer identity. I want his superficial punk aesthetic to graduate into actual punk ideals. The anti-establishment and radical love philosophies of punk culture would make such a cool extension of Superman themes and it would make so much sense that someone facing so many intersections of marginalization would be radicalized from their experience. I want a queer Conner who isn't just empowering and idealistic, I want one that also gives space for queer readers to feel like their pain is seen too. Conner isn't "Truth, Justice and the American Way" he's famously "Truth, Justice, My Way".

There's a tendency in media criticism to treat marginalized talent as infallible, and I don't think that fair to creatives like Visaggio. Being able to look at their ideas with nuance instead of essentializing it as being Good or Trash is the best way to respect diverse creativity. And my nuanced feelings are that a white queer person who looks at Conner's story and just sees the queer part and dismisses the diaspora mixed heritage side of him,,, is not going to give me the Conner story I want to see.

#askjesncin #superboy #kon el #conner kent #jesncin dc meta #media criticism #the thing about conner superboy is that his character is a mess #and I love a mess. I could talk about mess all day #this is a long way of saying that white queer people will never be able to give me the queer stories i need

[angelinaheartshapedbox]

morbid attraction

Ethan Landry x reader

AU where Stu Macher has an illegitimate child. During Scream 6.

summary: Y/n is a freshman at Blackmore University. They're currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in forensic science to become an autopsy technician. To further their research, and to make money, they pick up shifts as a mortuary assistant. Y/n must come to terms with the trauma of gruesome murders of their hometown, copes with the memories of their ex girlfriend Amber Freeman, and with the fact that their father was a homicidal maniac. Running doesn't get them far from their past as it chases after them into New York City. But maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe, just maybe, the light is Ethan Landry.

!!WARNINGS!! graphic descriptions of gore and violence, PTSD, and dealing with trauma. Major content warnings will be placed before each chapter.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Voicemail (5)

I Don't Want To Die

Wordcount: 2k

Content warnings: violence, death, blood, more blood, depictions of gore. ethan did not have econ.

Quinn’s newest man of the evening had arrived, so she went to her room. Sam was upset that she’d invited someone who was basically a stranger to our apartment.

Sam brought out a few blankets and pillows for our friends. I was in the kitchen with Chad, Tara, and Mindy. We were all working to cook dinner.

“Sam, we do not have to stay here,” Mindy told her.

“Welp, too bad. I insist. Safety in numbers” Sam replied.

“This’ll be so fun. A little slumber party with the Alive Five!” Chad exclaimed.

“‘Alive Five’?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

Tara stared at him, “Did you just give us a nickname?”

Chad smiled, “I sure did. I mean we’ve been through a lot together and it’s a pretty cool nickname.”

“So true, Chad” I nod.

“That’s debatable,” Sam says.

“Extremely debatable,” Tara adds.

“You can’t just give yourself a nickname, dingus,” Mindy tells her brother.

Chad gives her a shit eating grin, “Of course I can, dingus, because I just did. Alive Five up top!”

“No.”

“Down low!”

Tara shakes her head, “Get that away from me.”

Chad turns to me and Sam with his hand, “Please, for the love of God.”

“Don’t do it,” Mindy laughs.

I obviously give him a high five, laughing evilly as my friends groan. I interlock my fingers with Chad’s and squeeze before letting go.

“You know, I would actually like a little more respect and support from my fellow members of the Alive Five.”

Anika interrupts us, “Guys, what the hell?” She turns up the TV as we file into the living room.

The newscaster starts talking about Sam being the lead suspect in the current murders. He discusses the rumors online about me and Sam being responsible for the killings last year. He said we were trying to “revive our fathers’ legacy” or some bullshit. The video of Sam yelling at that girl on the street the other night played.

Sam turned off the TV aggressively. She walked over to the dining table and sat by herself. Tara and I followed. We sat in silence until Tara spoke.

“I know you’re not a fan of the way that I’ve been handling things, and that I’ve been giving you a really hard time. But I can say that none of us can relate to what you are experiencing. And I’m really, really sorry you have to do that alone.”

Sam stifles tears, “It’s not your fault. And I know I shouldn’t care what people think,” she pauses, “It just sucks being this hated.”

“Hey, hey,” Chad says as he walks into the room with Mindy, “Just a reminder, not a single person in this room hates you.”

“Yeah, Sammy” I agree.

“Okay? We have all been through some fucked-up stuff, and we are coping with it differently. But you know we moved here together for one very specific reason.” Chad reminds Sam, “We’re a team.”

Mindy chimes in, “We are the Alive Fucking Five.”

“Thank you very much!”

“Ah, I hate myself.”

Chad and Mindy high five.

“Say it” I tell Tara.

“No, I’m not gonna say it,” she refuses, “I mean, yes, we are a team but-”

We’re all trying to get Tara to say it and we’re laughing.

Sam interrupts, “I’ve been sleeping with Cute Boy from across the hall.”

It’s quiet.

“Boom!”

We all erupt.

“I knew it, I knew it!”

“You called it.”

“Knew it from the day you had that hickey.”

After we calm down from Sam’s lover, Chad looks at me.

I gave him a suspicious look, “What?”

“Do you have any love affairs to confess?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No?”

“Nothing with our tall, dorky friend?”

“Who may or may not be Ghostface” Mindy mumbles.

I look at the confused, “Ethan?”

“Yes, Ethan!” Chad bangs the table.

“No, I am not sleeping with Ethan!” my voice ups in pitch.

Chad gives me a look, “Hm.”

I argued with him about it. He claimed we’re too cuddly, so I rebudled that I’m cuddly in general. Sam backs me up by mentioning me in her bed last night. Mindy says I was flirting with him at the frat party because we were dancing. I said that I just wanted my friend to have fun. They let it go.

“I feel like we should high five or something,” Tara says.

“The Alive Five high five, please?”

“Don’t call it that.”

We all high five in the middle and interlace our fingers. For a minute I feel safe, I feel okay. It feels like a real family where I belong. Sam’s phone rings and it’s Cute Boy. We make fun of her for a moment and she declines his call. Quinn is heard moaning in the other room.

“Oh, my God, Quinn and her gentleman caller are back at it again” Tara jokes.

We all laugh as the moans and thuds get louder. All of our phones go off. We’ve been airdropped a picture of Quinn being attacked by Ghostface.

“Help! Stop!”

We all jump up from the table and sprint towards Quinn’s room. Chad grabs Tara’s arm and pulls her away before she gets to the door. We all stop and stare. It’s silent.

“Run.”

The door swings open and the killer throws Quinn’s body. Everyone is screaming.

“You guys come on!” Tara screams, running out with Chad. I watched Lucifer run out with them.

The killer slices Mindy’s arm. Anika starts fighting him from the floor. He grabs her by the throat. I watch her as she struggles to breathe.

“Hey, fuckhead!” I scream, kicking him in the side.

I trip over myself and hit the floor. I kick and scurry backwards as the killer crawls towards me. He grips my ankle and pulls me towards him. I kick my legs and shove his face away. He stabs me in my right thigh. I scream in pain and kick him in the face. The force makes him pull the knife out of me and step backwards.

Anika tries to latch onto him again. He grabs her by the throat and pins her to the wall. The knife is plunged into her stomach, he drags and twists it upwards. She cries and shrieks. Sam comes running in with the wooden knife holder and smacks him over the head.

We run into Tara’s room and lock the door. I grab a belt from the floor and a pen. Mindy grips her gaping wound. We remember that the bathroom connects through the rooms. Mindy rushes to close the bathroom door.

“Oh, fuck! That guy’s dead!”

The killer comes running at the door. Sam and Mindy force it shut and deadbolt it. I take the belt and pen and tighten them above my bleeding wound. I’m bleeding a lot. There’s a major artery that I’m worried has been severed. All the while, Mindy and Sam are blockading the door. Anika is practically bleeding out in front of me. We’re all screaming and crying and bleeding.

Cute Boy from across the hall calls out to Sam from the window. She rushes over. He pushes a ladder in between the two windows.

“You three go first. Mindy!” Sam yells.

“What? No. Someone needs to hold the door. I’ll send Y/n and Anika next. Go!” Mindy replies.

The killer bangs on the door. I can tell he’s throwing his whole body weight against the door.

Sam crosses the makeshift bridge as Danny sends words of encouragement.

“We’re losing a lot of blood!” I shout at Sam as I limp to the window.

Anika groans, “Say something more positive!”

Sam makes it across and I pull myself with my upper body across the ladder as fast as I can. I wince and whine, crying harder as my wound drags. I finally made it across. Anika forces Mindy to go next. She gives her one last kiss before crawling across to us.

Anika gets onto the ladder, “Oh, God! I can’t do it!” She slowly crawls.

The killer comes up to the window.

“Anika, you have to move now!”

I scream, “Come on, we got you!”

The killer grabs onto the ladder and shakes it vigorously, Anika shrieks and cries. She keeps trying to crawl as Mindy screams.

“Baby, I don’t want to die!” Anika yelps out. She takes Sam’s hand.

The killer completely knocks Anika off the ladder. She falls. We watch as her head crashes into the dumpster below, then hits the hard concrete. Her skull bleeds onto the pavement. I passed out.

When I come to, I’m in an ambulance. My leg is being stitched up. The EMT sees that I’m awake. The sun is starting to rise.

“Hey, that tourniquet was a good idea” The medic tells me, “You might’ve saved your life.”

I gulped and nodded. I see my friends in the ambulance across from me. They see me too. The medics, police officers, and crime scene investigators litter the place. I overhear multiple indistinct conversations.

I see Ethan duck under the crime scene tape. Chad sees him too.

“Chad?”

Chad rushes over to him. He grabs him by his collar, “Where were you?!”

Ethan is confused, “What? When?”

“Last night!”

I yell, “Chad, stop!”

“I had Econ. You know this!”

“Bullshit, man! You disappear, and my sister almost gets killed!”

“Chad!” I yelp, leaving the ambulance. The medic yells after me. I half-run over to the boys, my stitches tearing. “Chad, it wasn’t him!”

Chad looks at me, “How do you know that, Y/n? ‘Cause he’s your little boy toy? He couldn’t hurt you?”

I grip my thigh and wince, “Oh, fuck. No! Because I kicked that fucker in the fucking face! Ethan doesn’t even have a bruise! And whoever it was definitely has a broken nose.”

Chad lets Ethan go, he walks away.

I moan, using both my hands to squeeze my thigh. I start to cry and crumble to the floor.

Ethan grabs me, “Oh, fuck. Th-that’s a lot of blood. Oh, my God. Y/n!”

He helps me back over to the ambulance where they have to re-stitch me. I sob and hiss in pain. Ethan sits next to me. I grab his hand and squeeze it with all of my strength.

“Fuck!” I scream. I clench my teeth, my breath ragged. I sound like a kicked puppy. The adrenaline has worn off and now I’m just in agony.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Ethan whispered.

I couldn’t speak in anything but jumbled sobs. The medic was done stitching me, but I was still weeping. Ethan softly shushes me, pulling himself closer. I gulp and breathe heavily.

I looked into his eyes, “Ethan, it was so scary.” I wrap my arms around myself and fall forward onto him. His arms place themselves around me and I cry into his chest. “Oh, my God, they’re dead!”

“You’re okay,” he says softly, “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“I don’t want to die.”

Ethan pulls back slightly, “Hey, look at me.” His hand meets my cheek, his thumb wipes tears. “You’re not going to die.” His tone is suddenly serious.

I shake my head, “You don’t know that.” I look at the ground and let more tears fall.

“I said look at me,” Ethan adjusts my face to look at him.

I tremble in his fingers. His eyes meet mine. He looks at me with the harshest expression I’ve ever seen on him. He puts his other hand on my face and says:

“Anyone who tries to kill you is dying first.”

previous next

masterlist

a/n: tehe i like this one

#scream #scream vi #scream 6 #ghostface #ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry fanfiction

[szallejhscorner]

Easier

“What are you talking about?” you shout in an almost hysteric voice, and Chishiya leans back against the sofa and exhales a deep breath. He didn’t want this discussion, especially not on his only day off since two weeks. And even though he tried anything to avoid this certain topic, here you are – arguing about the exact thing.

“It’s not even much I’m asking you for”, you continue since he remains silent. “One family meeting. Those are like once or twice a year? That’s really not too much to ask, is it?”

Chishiya just watches you, face reddened with anger and breath quickening while you try to convince him. You have told him everything he needs to know already. The wedding of a cousin, one that you really like but that lives quite far away, so you want to spend the whole weekend there. Maybe even do some sightseeing on the day after the wedding.

It wouldn’t be too much to ask for, of course. Family meetings aren’t that bad when it’s your family, and Chishiya never attends the ones on his side anyway. No, he’d have agreed to it without discussion if it wasn’t for one single detail.

“You know it’s the weekend of the Surgeon ESC.” That one world congress for surgeons that will exhibit really interesting innovations, products and services about anything a surgeon could dream about. This year, the congress will be in Switzerland and Chishiya has already been given a ticket both for flight and accommodation as well as the congress entry.

It is an important event to him, much more important than a wedding of someone he has only seen once in his life. And he doesn’t even prohibit you to go. You’re free to visit your family for the entire weekend, but he can’t accompany you this time. There will be plenty more weddings, funerals and birthdays where you can brag with your fantastic surgeon boyfriend.

“That’s…” ruffling your hair with one hand, you pace the living room the way you always do when you’re upset. Chishiya has watched it so many times now, but rarely has he been the reason to upset you. “Why do you want to go there, anyway? You already know everything they will tell you!”

Chishiya huffs. “Probably. But one doesn’t always get a ticket to Zurich to meet the world’s best surgeons.”

“And my cousin doesn’t marry like five times a month. This is a once-in-a-lifetime-event, Shuntarou! And that stupid congress is every year. You can go next year. Or follow it through an online stream or something.”

Follow a congress via stream while he sits in a hall filled with people too loud and too drunk to lead proper conversations with? Where all he will do is avoid questions why you two haven’t married yet, why there are no children, and more pathetic stuff that most people expect from others? “You can send me pictures”, he suggests in a last attempt to soothe the situation. While he doesn’t care about fancy wedding dresses, flowers or decoration, he’d allow you to spam him with images so you’d be happy. But apparently, it is not enough for you.

You have come to a stand, hands now crossed across your chest and eyes as cold as ice. “You’re so much like your father.”

That’s all you say, in a low and bitter voice, and yet those few words have more impact on Chishiya than the rest of this conversation. He clearly is not like his father, and you are perfectly aware that what you said affects him deeply.

He stiffens and holds your gaze with the same fierceness. “Am I, now? I recall you saying that you really hated my father.”Which is fine, for the record. He despises that man, too, for more reasons than he ever told you.

“He’s not really a likeable man”, you admit with a tremble, probably realizing that you have gone too far.

Breathing out audibly, Chishiya gets up from the couch and reaches for his jacket. This is not the place he wants to be in right now – he needs space to clear his mind. “If you despise him so much and we’re the same, I don’t understand why you’re still here.”

“Wha-“ you snort, shaking your head in disbelief, “don’t twist the facts now, Shuntarou! What’s the point, now?”

“Well, you’re obviously unhappy with how this is going. I won’t cancel the congress, and you won’t let me go. If this doesn’t work out for you, you better pack up and leave.”

Chishiya slips into his jacket and puts on his shoes, fully aware that you’re still staring at him, fiddling with your hands while you search for the right words. “We’re not done here”, you shout, “where do you think you’re going? Let’s sort this out like adults and don’t run away like a child!”

Chh. As if he’s the childish one here. Knowing that there’s no point in arguing any further, he opens the door and leaves.

“Maybe I’ll just do that – pack and leave”, you threaten, but Chishiya doesn’t look back. He needs fresh air, and you definitely need some time to calm down and clear your mind.

The weather outside is cold, with a harsh wind blowing through his hair, so he pulls up the hood of his jacket to stay warm. Chishiya doesn’t pay any attention to where he’s walking – he has seen these streets hundreds of times already and there is nothing interesting to notice. All he passes are windows with half-rotten flowers, candles gathering tons of dust and the mandatory old cat that belongs to an even older lady.

He acknowledges the people passing him as little as they acknowledge him. Most of them are lost souls with dreams they will never fulfill, drowning in self-doubts, debts and misery. And here he thought you were different from them.

Chishiya has been naïve to think you’d know him well enough by now to let him go. It’s human of you to wish that you’d do everything together, that a family gathering means you both will be there, but Chishiya isn’t like normal people. He has made it clear right from the start that his priorities differ from the pathetic standard – brand-name clothes, huge follower counts on social media, the love for small-talk that most seem to have. He doesn’t approve of public cuddles and kisses, he won’t gift you chocolate and flowers on Valentine’s Day and he’d never propose to you on one knee with a cheesy quote on his lips.

You had been fine with all that, and yet you have forgotten about who he really is today. It has happened before, but never did it end in such a discussion. Chishiya has told you to leave, and while saying it had been hard, he means it. If you’re unhappy with who he is, because he won’t change into a completely new person just for you, this might not be the right relationship for you. What a miracle it has been anyway for Chishiya to bond with you in the first place. Maybe it’s better to return to who he was before, expelling anything that has to do with love from his core.

Yes, he wouldn’t be surprised to see you gone, leaving for good to search for another relationship that suits you better. It isn’t what he wants, but it’s the most logic consequence.

The wind gets colder and a drizzle begins, cloaking Chishiya with a heavy blanket that fits the mood, and yet Chishiya doesn’t turn around. The cold causes his limbs to go numb, and the sound of water dripping faster and faster onto the earth is almost hypnotizing. Most people flee into the dry buildings now, and Chishiya almost feels like the last person on this planet.

If every other human would disappear at a moment’s notice, if the rain would swallow every living soul, leaving only one hollow person, he could forget about the argument. Nothing would matter anymore – no corruption, no violence, no stupidity would be left. Just him in an environment that would immediately forget about humanity and take everything back that had once been claimed as human.

Chishiya would like that, somehow. Returning to his apartment will probably feel the same in case you’ve stuck to your threat and left. Not only will it feel empty, but it will be empty since most of the interior belongs to you. The images on the wall, small trinkets from other cities and other countries that you visited, nothing belongs to him.

You’re the one to bring color into his life, but at the same time, you make it so much more complicated. He has long accepted that he cannot have one without the other, but if it always leads to arguments like the one you’ve just had, he doesn’t know if bringing color into his life is actually worth it.

Thunder growls in the distance, and when Chishiya looks up, blinking through the heavy raindrops that now are falling, he soon sees the next flash tearing through the dark clouds. His hands have begun to tremble, and it is about time he returns to his apartment before the storm comes too close.

It is a long way back, and despite the weather and the fact he’s soaking wet from head to toe, the walk has been more than refreshing. The silence and the cold air have chased away the heat from the argument, and his body will be numb enough to muffle the pain when the apartment will actually be empty.

As soon as he can see the building, his eyes are glued to the windows that belong to the place you two used to live in for quite a while now. All the windows are dark, there’s not even a hint of light in one of them.

The water soaking his clothes and body slow him down noticeably, or maybe Chishiya hesitates to enter too fast. But he eventually reaches the door and pulls out the key while water drips down, creating huge puddles beneath his feet.

Inside it is silent and dark, without music or light. Nothing is running on the television and nothing is simmering on the stove. Have you left after all?

Chishiya gets rid of his wet shoes and throws the jacket onto the ground as well. There’s no need to cover the entire floor of this apartment with water, since the housekeeper will only come in two days.

It is redundant to turn on the lights – he knows where to go, and he doesn’t need to see things already missing. It would be impossible to take everything you own with you at once, so you’ll have to come back again to get the rest, but some of the most important things you’d never leave behind, and Chishiya knows exactly what it is.

He heads for the bathroom to change into dry clothes, but something strikes his view as he passes the sideboard. That certain photo… it’s still there.

And as he pauses, a feint noise reaches his ear. Slow and rhythmic breaths, coming from the sofa, where you have fallen asleep under a heavy blanket. Your face is wet from tears since you’ve been crying, but…

You’re still here.

Chishiya breathes out, only now realizing that he has held his breath. You didn’t leave, which also means that the discussion about that certain weekend will continue. Chishiya won’t change his mind about the congress, but since you’re still here next to him, there’s a change you have finally understood that. This congress is much more important to him than a wedding of some cousin, although it doesn’t affect the way he feels about you. That’s something you really have to understand: the future will bring even more arguments like this one, where Chishiya will prefer something over what you think is more important. It doesn’t mean though that Chishiya doesn’t respect you. The fact that he feels relief upon seeing you is more than enough evidence to prove that.

He continues to watch you for a few heartbeats longer, until most of the tears on your face have dried up.

It’d be better if you had left, leaving Chishiya alone so he could lead an easy life. But he is glad to see you here, covered in your favorite blanket as if nothing had ever happened. You make things complicated, and yet…

Chishiya likes the complicated and deviating, doesn’t he?

#chishiya x reader #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #aib #alice in borderland #oneshot

[drkineildwicks]

Okay so let’s talk about Palworld

Because I really do gotta talk about it this thing blew up

Apparently the guys who made it were expecting to sell like 300K the first week and ended up selling two million

They’re having to run damage control on the servers because the servers legit cannot handle the traffic

Last time I saw a game look like this it was Temtem on its first days

Because literally everybody underestimated how much game freak ticked off its fanbase

Which brings us to the Donphan in the room

Pokémon VS Palworld

Look we all knew going in that this was going to be a meme factory, whenever we talked about it the game is Pokémon: Gun

But it was also one of those games that popped up when GF started its stunts with dexit, reused assets, releasing half-baked games, etc.

People made fun of it and it’s stayed off the radar until this year, when it released

And yes caution should be exercised because this developer’s other game is still in early access so people are on the lookout for a scam

Not to mention the whole thing about using Pokémon assets, apparently aping Legends’ UI, the AI stuff, NFTs, a ton of other stuff

There’s apparently a whole thread on Twitter comparing and contrasting Pokémon designs with Pal designs and you can easily pick apart where assets were, if not outright stolen, were closely copied

So going in there’s a lot of weighing of pros and cons and some actual moral dilemmas as opposed to the whole fabricated BS of Hogwarts Legacy

Yes it was terrible that Rowling said *checks notes* that biological women exist and that victimized women should be allowed to dictate who is allowed in their safe spaces, these are obviously reasons to cancel somebody please don’t slip on the sarcasm there

But I’ve been watching streams of Palworld and…I want to play it???

You can look at it and 100% name that Pokémon and go okay they got THAT idea from THIS game (watching it I can list BotW, Sunkenland, and a couple others) apparently it’s the Pokémon ripoff version of Once Human

Which also ticks me off because after watching videos of that one I want to play that one too

And originally the big reason for looking more seriously at Palworld is…game freak needs to suffer

They’ve been releasing trash games for years now, the only good Pokémon game as of late is Legends Arceus and do not get me STARTED on the state that ScarVi released in

And then them having the gall to charge the price of a full game for DLC

So in order to play the ‘full game,’ you have to pay for BotW, TotK, and possibly a Mario game on top of it

Ain’t nobody got funds for that

Also the shills

I was telling Mom about all this earlier and when it came to discussing Pokémon games, even comparing them to previous Pokémon games, discussions online go like this anymore: “Well it’s not MADE for you!  It’s for kids!  Go find something else to do and quit picking on the poor multibillion dollar franchise! uwu”

And thus the people who grew up with Pokémon move on to other games, like Nexomon, Temtem, Cassette Beasts, Kindred Fates, Coromon, Palworld, etc.

Shills: “Wait no that’s illegal”

Honestly it’s like the YouTube vs Rumble or Twitter/Tumblr vs Conservative/right-wing websites thing—if you chase them off, what did you think they were going to do?

And then the design thing…a big fat part of me does not feel sorry about that

Because every single other game I listed?  The shills will look at those designs and go “what ripoffs they’re obviously Pokémon but not friend-shaped so ugly!”

So basically anything’s a ripoff, you might as well go full ripoff because the ‘fans’ are going to hate on it anyway

Also if anything even remotely shaped like a Pokémon is a ripoff, then Flamigo angers me even more because that is such a lazy design yes I’m still mad

Most of Gen IX legit looks like they asked an AI to spit out some Pokémon-shaped stuff and called it a day maybe a quarter of the ‘dex is salvageable and that’s being generous

And having spent the past year or so designing ‘mons for the DA group I help mod…three people doing designs have no problem filling a ‘dex out, the most time-consuming part of creating new Pokémon ought to be modeling the thing and once that’s down you’re good

Which means that Pokémon…has honestly asked for Palworld

Because let me tell you something—when I look at this ripoff of a game, this scam game that comes from people who think that NFTs and AI scraping and plagiarism is a good thing, that claims that every Pal that escapes from a ball had parents that never married, and I STILL want to play it over Pokémon?  When the scam game released in a better state than ScarVi?????

Pokémon drove every single customer to Palworld and because of it Palworld deserves every single one of those two million purchases

#palworld #pokemon criticism #pokemon salt #part of me really hates how good this game looks and how bad Pokemon has been #the other half wants game freak to suffer dearly for their sins #like yes palworld deserves some critiquing #because yeah these are obvious pokemon assets being used #but you can't also in the same breath be defending a company that has been releasing pre-alpha garbage and calling it a game for years now #game freak does not care for you #I'd rather be playing a ripoff game that I actually have fun with than being dragged along on yet another 'consoom product' game

[sleepymccoy]

Fuck it, Ive found myself googling topics to start a fight again cos I'm trying to write spones, so I'm creating a list for myself here. If you have suggestions please feel free to add them. You are also welcome to use this as a prompt, although I don't know if it'll really help

These are mostly nicked from other lists, so hey may need tweaking to be more star trek sci fi in vibe. But I think they suit the sort of fights they have. Entertainingly, many of the questions on these lists have already been addressed my star trek. Like, I'm not going to go into eugenics here. They have a whole arc in tos where everyone expresses their opinions on eugenics (against) (the Khan stuff). So like, those aren't included! Or questions about ubi, trek world is a successful communist, they're all pro ubi.

Anyway. I've tried to hash it down to topics where I can easily see either how they disagree, or I can see how they agree but for different reasons. And, as this is for me, I might even include some of those details too!

Is technology making us more or less connected?

Could argue either way. McCoy's only contact with his kid is via tech, so he could be in favour. Same with Spock, but I think vulcans have a lot of physical cultural stuff that form part of gathering that (American) humans don't as much. Like, incense and how the planet is a different temp to the ship. So, maybe Spock is really feeling how tech is a shadow of the real thing more.

OR

McCoy hates and is unimpresssed by tech, and just wants to be home. Spock is perfectly happy with the perfunctory contact w his parents.

Is censorship ever acceptable in art and media?

This one is fun cos you can world build a bit with the premise. What's the art and media? I think McCoy has one of those inspected opinions, he's against censorship until you start listing terrible things then he gets annoyed cos he kind of agrees with a little bit of censorship. He doesn't think dead bodies should be shown on billboards across from schools. But he says, when asked, that he's against any censorship.

I think Vulcan has censored pre reform stuff from society quite a lot. And Spock's opinion on this is a real character choice you can make, does he agree people should only find out about history in university when you're spoon fed it kindly enough? Or does he think everyone should know?

Should we prioritize space exploration or focus on fixing problems on Earth?

This one is hilarious to me, cos they both work exploring space. But I think McCoy could get worked up over the focus and energy being on new space stuff if they're leaving hungry children behind, you know. I think Spock leans bigger picture

Is traditional marriage still relevant in modern society?

Ha! Have a great time! They'll be so off topic within a minute and just discussing their personal life that their opinion doesn't bloody matter

Is privacy more important than national security?

I think Spock is more into privacy then McCoy. Can't put my finger on why, I might come back to this

How can a good diet be used to control certain diseases?

I think the groundwork of this argument is that McCoy is having a go at Spock being vegetarian. So they're discussing broadly, but McCoy keeps slipping in how great meat is lol

Is it better to live in a big city or a small town?

Spock likes cities! McCoy likes small towns! This can devolve into a squabble about feudalism if you want to go crazy

Animal zoos: are they morally acceptable?

This is good worldbuilding too, zoos would be more rehab centres now. But Spock likes to have a go at old earth practices too just to see McCoy go red

Is online learning as effective as traditional in-person learning?

I reckon Spock likes online learning. The little freak

Is online dating more effective than traditional dating?

Heheheheheheh make them fight about dating. Make them list their favourite types of dates in an aggressive way. Heheheh

#spones #spock #mccoy #tos

[asexual-society]

Just looking for some advice about how to tell my best friend I’m aroace. I was trying to find a way to ask other people in the community and found this blog so I hope it’s okay to ask. I do apologise if it’s not.

About three years ago, I tried telling her. I hinted at it, but in the end, I was too scared to actually tell her. I have two other really close friends that know, but one of them figured out I was ace before I did haha. They’re both very understanding of me due to their respective identities.

Recently, it’s been eating at me more and more. I write fanfiction and have been really wanting to explore aroace characters. We are actually co-writing a fic now and she’s one of my beta readers too. One of the characters I write the most about gives me major aroace vibes and I want to write about it and discuss with readers about it. The problem is that she reads my stuff. She’s supportive like that.

I’m just scared about her reaction is all. I don’t particularly care about what my family thinks because I have no intention of telling them. Not out of fear or anything, but for other reasons that don’t really matter at this point in my life. It’s my best mate I’m worried about :/ I don’t want her perception of me to be changed nor do I want her to start saying things like “you haven’t met the right person” or whatever.

This was long. I’m sorry 😭 I kept it anonymous because even though she doesn’t have tumblr, she knows my account and I’d rather not risk her seeing this :)

Hey Anon, I'm not gonna lie, I hate coming out. I've been putting off coming out to some people closest to me for so many years. But on the other hand! I totally understand having a hard time ripping the plaster off, and the feeling of it eating at you, so I can give you a couple of low-confrontation methods that might work in a pinch, and a couple of slightly scarier options and how to deal with them in case you're feeling brave?

You said she knows your blog but doesn't have tumblr, so you could try posting more about aroace stuff on here, or put it in your bio. That way, since she doesn't follow you, the chances of her seeing it are low enough that you have plausible deniability that you didn't think she would see it, and if she does, you were Definitely just about to tell her. Effectiveness: 3/10, she might not see it, in which case you'll be worrying about it for nothing.

A similar vibe of coming out is letting someone else do it for you. This only works if you have mutual friends, either online or irl. You don't have to be there when it happens, but I find it's less unpleasant if you are; finding out someone has outed you after the fact is for sure worse, even if you intended it to happen, but someone else offhandedly bringing it up takes the power out of your hands, which is scary in a different way, but it can technically work. Effectiveness: 5/10, it'll do, but it will not feel good. Requires mutual friends. If one of your friends is a loudmouth with no filter it might even happen organically at some point, but you can't count on it, so if you are there (even just in groupchat form) being able to steer the conversation in that direction might give you the small push you need to say it yourself, since it's way harder to just bring it up out of the blue by yourself, and also having another already supportive person present who has your back always helps. Effectiveness: 8/10, getting onto the topic might be hard, but having moral support is good. Requires mutual friends.

Similarly, you could engineer a situation where you're coming out to her and one other person who you know will be supportive (or you're already out to, if you're okay with a little deception) at the same time. She can't say anything shitty if there's someone else already there being cool about it. You don't even have to be coming out to the other person, you can just mention it while they're there (so it works the same as the above, except a little more intentional). Effectiveness: 8/10, points deducted for deception, but if it gets the job done, does it matter? Requires mutual friends.

Bargaining. Set yourself a deadline and have people to hold you accountable to do it. Effectiveness: 3/10, absolutely would not work on me, will probably not feel good, could be the kick you need to do it but only if your brain works that way.

Come out to someone else first and use the momentum to tell her right after. Works best if the first person you tell isn't close enough to you that it'll be really bad if they suck about it, but if they do suck, you can use that as a jumping off point to tell your friend (e.g. I told someone I was aroace and they said XYZ shitty thing), and you can sneak in an example of something that was hurtful that your friend will know to avoid saying. And if they don't suck about it (fingers crossed!), it could give you the confidence and boost you need to tell your friend. Effectiveness 6/10, requires you to come out twice as many times. You may be able to substitute in someone else being aphobic but not directly to you as a jumping off point instead.

You could try testing the waters by mentioning that you headcanon the character as aroace and seeing her reaction, if you haven't already, and then you can say "I sort of relate to them actually" and see where that gets you? Effectiveness: 5/10, high chance of backing out at the last minute, high uncertainty means this might be the scariest option.

If you have ways of making yourself do scary things already, do as many of those as you can, but if not, I can tell you that when I want to do something I'm low key terrified of but I know will help me in the long run, I write myself a letter to open as far in the future as I feel like (there are websites you can use for this), and I tell me-of-the-future about what I want to do and that I'm scared about it, and then I imagine them reading it and imagine how it'll be by then if I haven't done it yet, and how much better it'll be for them if I do.

Sometimes it's really hard to do things for ourselves, but imagining you're doing them for you-of-the-future gives yourself enough distance that you can convince yourself that you're actually doing it for someone else. It might also help to imagine that you of the future will be proud of you for doing it, and this is a pretty instantaneous reward situation, because you get the little kick of someone being proud of you before you do it just for deciding to do it, and then as soon as you've done it you get to be proud of yourself. Effectiveness: 8/10, high risk-high reward, will feel really good if you do it, but you have to do it.

If you're still worried about her saying specific unsupportive things, coming up with a few good responses to the most likely ones that you can use in the moment without even thinking can take some of the power away from her (or anyone else) saying them. If your friend is only attracted to one gender you can use the "how do you know you just haven't met the right [person of gender she isn't into]?" or "it hurts me that you think I don't know myself well enough/that you don't trust me to know this about myself". If someone you come out to isn't supportive you are legally allowed to be petty or guilt trip them, if they know you're not just gonna back down when they try to disagree with you, it shows you're serious, even/especially if you wouldn't normally go on the offensive like that. Effectiveness: ?/10, depends on your personality and how assertive you are, and can be difficult if you're worried about confrontation with your best friend, but it could just be what needs to be done, and is likely but not certain to get your point across.

I'm not saying all of these are good methods, but they are definitely methods that you could use. And hey, if you do it, let us know how you did it and how it went!

Best of luck, I hope you figure it out <3

~mod key

#asks #anon #questionable advice #coming out #asexual #aroace #mod key

[its-elvie-innit]

Dsmpblr stuff in one big archive post

The fake ranboo arg (run by a blog some people thought was ranboo or a kinnie. It never was, but instead was some sort of arg surrounding the ranboo lore. Multiple characters, like the Duke, duchess, and a discord server where people started translating the posts (which were all in ender, or minecraft galactic) (link to doc)

Minesonas, and then subsequently citizen memes. This was contained within three non-consecutive weeks, where people were discussing whether lmanburg had citizens or if it did, what would it be like?

People upset over ghostburs library being blown up. There were a lot of books in there important to a storyline, and some blogs were very upset they couldn't be archived

Mcytblr awards, which had a doc and everything (link)

DSMP sexyman!!!!! The competition one blog held to go over all the supposed sexymen in mcytblr, and if they were or not. The doc for this is here (link)

Dilfcourse (world sluttiest absent father) this went on prior to philza eventually finding out he was being called a dilf, and I think there may have been a poll (?) About who was the biggest dilf right after the one mcc with all new art of certain male ccs, but it also basically ended when philza got temporarily mad about tumblrites not wanting him on tumblr, and discovered dilfza. Then when he said he didn't like it, the entire "titty window" philza design disappeared and everyone stopped posting dilfza.

Philza nerfing a blog for an url (I think it turned out that tumblr did it? But it was still WEIRD) and EVERYONE got mad about it.

The one quackity kinnie blog? During this time, a ton of kinnie blogs popped up and the quackity one sticks in my head because it was kind of convincing

Drinnie. Another kinnie blog, I actually never knew if this one was real. It was more activ3 before I joined, but it was still a pretty large thing in small mcytblr.

Whatever we had going on with piss. I think dream started the pissbaby thing and it stuck. That was so big for so long

The split between dteamblr and dsmpblr. Also the protectiveness we kind of handed off between them. Being such a closely related fandom in the publics eyes, dsmpblr and dteamblr would both get hate anons about Dream and I still recall going to bat for them sometimes. Also the discussed "gnf sickness". I don't want to mention him because he's a horrible man and deserves jailtime but it was a part of it.

Mcytboundaries. Does anyone else remember that blog? That thing was so important in the first seven months I was here.

The death of kinnies. When those few kinnie blogs that cropped up started getting really upset over getting tons of copypastas and took them seriously. I remember being so annoyed at them because if you make a kinnie blog (NOT a roleplay blog) thats the culture!!! You knew that was going to happen!!!! Put a disclaimer in your bio or something gosh.

Beacon lamps sudden ubiquitous posts. Similarly with 420technoblazeit, sometimes there would be a joke that just stuck around because it was them who posted it.

This one's more recent, but those sootblr bloggers who kept having almost e-sex in random peoples notes. Even bloggers outside of mcytblr. What was up with those guys

Not wanting ccs on tumblr. Not an event, just the overarching opinion that it would be a bad thing. It slowly died off as an opinion during late 22, something that made me and a few other og mcytblrs very sad or hesitant because people would start sharing tumblr posts with the ccs. I remember It felt like the final death of og mcytblr to me

Does anyone remember if there was that one dsmp citizen server and if it actually happened???? That might be a fake memory.

Tubbo tumblr!! This is multiple events, but he mentioned he had one in early dsmp, and it kind of overjoyed people. Then, months later, he started scrolling on stream and people made posts (INCLUDING myself) about being so genuinely scared of him being online. Out of all of the "dsmper makes a tumblr" instances, I think this was the one with the most positive reaction.

Fuck dream hoodie (instagram) and mcytblrs reaction. Went in a really funny direction

Youtooz stealing mcytblr artists fanart

Hermitblr theory stolen by matpats yt channel and no reply

KARL HATEPOSTING. When for a month in 2021 everyone just HATED him for no real reason, maybe because of tftsmp?. I think it stemmed from two blogs, and then got its start in og mcytblr circles. I remember my ex mutual squid got too into it, it was really crazy. Why did we even do that.

Love or hosts.....love or hosts and the liveblogs...

The like, Hermitcraft vs Dsmpblr sudden dichotomy. One day I remember all of a sudden there were hermit blogs, and a few dsmp blogs after them, that started getting really pissy over people referring to dsmpblr as "mcytblr" because it wasn't the whole of mcytblr. Gosh that was so stupid and funny.

Those days people posted about crying over lost vods. Whenever someone did, it would catch like a virus and EVERYONE would start talking about how sad it was.

Kroger anon...Hearty anon...my loves. Hearty Anon was like the darling of mcytblr. I didn't even know they were a real blog I just thought they were like Kroger Anon. Always wanted one of those.

Finding out wooteena was like 11. Not actually eleven, but seriously everyone thought they were like an adult person I don't know.

Subtle, but the mcytblr friendgroups and different parts having beef with each other. It was really lowkey, but I'm sorry metfell and conarcoin and their whole deal had some real haters. thats probably because they were kinda mean sometimes.

INNITER OPRESSION. gosh I remember how giddy I would get defending myself over the url and saying it was just the first thing I thought of. If you had a certain url you were a magnet for sections of mcytblr in the silliest of ways I loved it so much. little cultural pockets for every streamer.

Mcytblrs reaction to the mcytwt trending writer. I thought that was so funny.

THE TUMBLR PODCAST. Those guys on tumblr that talked about us once!!!! On a podcast!!!! Similarly, all those times we dominated not only the trending page when there was a stream, but also the fandom reports tumblr put out about which keywords and tags were most popular. Whenever someone dropped down or moved up it was really "campeao del Mundo" in the mcytblr tags. And the slow decline and us being really really sad when a spot went -15...

DOES anyone else remember the triad. Mcyt reddit, Twitter, and tumblr. How Twitter thought we had a rivals to lovers thing but actually we just hated their guts. There was fanart and everything

When the Twitter refugees came over and the first wave was semi hate and semi welcoming. Everyone came around for the second wave, but the first exodus was 85% hesitant welcome and 15% vitriol and fear.

The discourse about calling them Twitter refugees??? Because refugees are "an actual thing" we couldn't call them that anymore. I just thought it was a little stupid.

Not a specific "event" but more a shift from analysis posts and liveblogs to art and headcanon posting. There was a time in the beginning where everyone theorized about anything and everything. As the dsmp aged and mcytblr grew it became so much more isolated, I still don't understand why people stopped using liveblog tags. Bring them back!!!!! Aurghh!!!!!!

When mcytblr (like nine people out of it) started going after some dude? I forget. But there was a harassment campaign, and death threats allegedly and some big blogs made a whole deal out of it and started saying how mcytblr was no different or better than mcytwt and I don't remember if it was justified or stupid. It was for sure after the first Twitter migration and possibly after the second.

Mcytblr crafting stuff. Such an awesome group of people. I think there's an archive for mcytblr crafts, btw, it's @mcytcrafts

Just about everything I remember, besides the discourse about tommy/others getting rid of the dsmp monuments or builds that had been there a really long time like the Wal-Mart and it being really heated for a while. By the time jack and tubbo started planting potatoes everyone was cool about the whole thing.

@mcytblr-archive

I don't want to write anymore :( I think like two of these are kind of my-circle specific but I'm unsure so I included them anyway. Hope it's useful!

Edit; Tapeworm post.

#archive stuff

[lookbluesoup]

I've had a lot of people interacting with my post yesterday about wishing there was more fandom meta discussion and exploration of "missing moments" with... huge amounts of fear and insecurity.

And I get that it's hurtful to share stuff in a fandom space and potentially be met with silence. It's easy to feel drowned out or get overwhelmed in a big fandom. It's terrifying to be in an online space and potentially get harassed by assholes who think anyone who looks at canon differently from them are evil.

I have definitely left spaces before where one or both of those things were so prevalent that I didn't feel like it was worth it trying to be part of that community. Your feelings are valid, they're legitimate fears. But it really hurts my heart to see so many creative people be so afraid.

Based on what I've seen, I assume that many DO want a more interactive fandom experience, in spite of that anxiety.

I can't tell anyone what they should do. I can advise you that fear and insecurity usually come from the inside - from past hurts, and that understanding them and deciding you don't want to be afraid anymore, that you deserve a space and a voice, is an important step in being able to reach out and form healthy, genuine connections with people over the things that you love.

But you are the only one who can decide what's good for you. Maybe you need therapy, or a different fandom, or a different environment. Maybe you need to cut some toxic people out of your life. I'm a stranger on the internet and I'll never be able to answer that question for you.

In lieu of that, I'll share some tips that have generally helped me feel safe in fandom spaces even though I have sometimes have anxiety attacks just trying to talk to friends.

Block people. I am dead serious. This bit is extra long because of how serious I am. 1) You're deliberately putting your comfort first, and that's a good thing to practice and 2) You won't have to worry much about those people invading your space

You don't have to hate them, they don't have to be evil, you just have to decide this isn't someone who's opinions you want in your corner of fandom. If they keep posting way off base critique of your favorite character, or imply liking a ship/character is somehow evil, or are just generally negative and you feel worse after seeing their posts most of the time? Take care of yourself. Block them.

If you really don't like their takes, you can go into your settings and use the filter tool to hide posts that their username is mentioned in from your dash. You don't have to see them or deal with them. Ignorance is bliss.

This is not being mean, it's not being an asshole, it's not being insensitive.. It's telling yourself "My comfort matters." We're in a hobby space, here to enjoy ourselves. You can always unblock someone later if you want.

If someone sends you anon hate. Block anon. If you MUST reply to the ask to show your friends or get the last word in, screenshot it and post the screenshot to respond to. But click that menu beside the actual ask and block the shit out of that Anon. Afaik they'll be IP blocked, it will be much harder for them to send you additional hate. (Not impossible, but harder, and most will move on to easier targets.)

You are not "winning" by leaving them unblocked, you're not proving that you're brave or that they don't matter, you're just leaving yourself open to more abuse. Block anon hate.

Unfollow people if the content they put on your dash upsets you. You don't have to dislike them personally. You don't have to justify it. Being "mutuals" is often overemphasized on here. You can be friends, you can read their fics or send them asks and be supportive without having to see every single thing they share. Following is about curating your dash, not picking friends.

Don't post when you're angry. I know that person bashing your fav character is an idiot but do not vaguepost or call them out in a fit of rage. Take a step back, remember it's fandom and not the entire world. If the other person seems interested in discussion, you can have a good-faith talk about it, but don't go into it determined to change their mind. You're just exchanging information, and you're allowed to disagree. If they're only hating and clearly not interested in talking, then write something positive about your character instead, in your own post, and focus on maintaining a space with people who you actually like talking to.

Hopefully you're seeing that the above advice is about building a safe, manageable fandom corner for yourself, and feeling powerful enough to enforce it. That's important. You don't owe people online interaction.

Fandom acquaintances can certainly grow into strong friendships, but not everyone, or even MOST of the people in fandom, deserve to be your friend and all the social obligations that entails. It would be exhausting and stressful to do otherwise, and it's not practical.

Now for positive action!

Nurture a handful of good friendships. If you brought some to fandom with you, great. You're a book club now. Each other's main "support", who (hopefully) do genuinely enjoy talking together. Fandom at large might not always give you affirmation, but a few good friends who know you giving you that support will be much more meaningful and sincere.

Talk to people you like! Say nice things about their art, writing, or characters. Reblog from them. Show a genuine interest in talking to them and seeing their creations. I know it's scary, but if you're trying to make connections, you do have to reach out! Lots of us are scared and most of us don't hear that we matter to someone else often enough. Be the change you want to see. You may be surprised to find that opening a door allows others to come through it, too, and they'll often try to connect back.

Not everyone will reciprocate the interest, for a variety of reasons which won't usually be your fault. That's ok! If you like their stuff, keep supporting them because that's part of what keeps fandom alive, but look for friendship elsewhere. Even if it doesn't work out and you don't hit it off, you tried!

More people agree with your takes than you think. A lot of them might be scared, too, because going against fanon mainstream is intimidating. But you'll have a much harder time finding like-minded folks if you never share your takes/writing/art/etc for people to find. Putting your voice out there is an investment that might take some time to pay off, but if it makes one other person out there feel less alone and more validated, surely that's worth it?

You're allowed to change your mind. About characters, about people, about fandom, about yourself. You are not beholden forever to your first or second opinion about a topic.

#idk if this will really help anyone but i figure its worth saying #its not a catch all but its an amalgamation of stuff that helped ME when i was in the worst of my states #fandom #wyn gabs #mental health #long post #text #anxiety #depression

[c0rpseductor]

i complained briefly about this on twitter (“briefly,” he says. Actually i complained about it for quite some time and with vigor) but i hate that godawful website because i am a verbose autist and a tweet is only about a sentence or two long. for me. so i will try to pursue a thought about it here from beginning to end, outside of the constraints of twitter’s character limit (which is targeting me personally)

i have tried on and off for hours to get my mind off this, but i was really upset and disappointed to find out that richard siken not only did write wincest himself but seems to approve of approaching incest from the angle of sexual fantasy in general — these tweets about it are really sticking in my craw, and apparently they are from an interview he did in 2015, but the whole thing just came up again and it’s not my favorite take!

the question about consequences — and “question” is generous, i know he’s already years ago come to the conclusion that whatever consequences exist as a result of such narratives do not matter — gets me bc it’s like, dude, i KNOW what the consequences are. from experience. i have lived with them all my life.

the cycle is as such: writers portray incest as mutual sexual deviance as opposed to the reality of it being violence. literature portrays it as such, pop culture portrays it as such, fanfiction portrays it as such, it is widely discussed as such — as an example, try really thinking about how often perceived promiscuity is blamed on “daddy issues,” and what that may imply. many people never have any personal experience with incest or with survivors and come to regard it as a distant sort of kink activity, or an imaginary, almost fun and racy sort of violence that happens to a distinct class of subhuman other totally segregated from human society. survivors are blamed because the dominant cultural narrative believes they are willing participants and not victims of rape, survivors internalize shame and do not come forward. survivors often come forward to partners who find their childhood trauma (incestuous abuse is most often CSA) arousing. the online support group i frequent has a recurring problem of lurkers who use DMs to sexually harass psychologically vulnerable victims of abuse while they are in crisis. society does not take us seriously because the violence we face is seen not as violence, but as a category of pornography.

furthermore, trying to say this makes me the bad guy. to frankly and clearly state the harm perpetuated against me and others by these cultural narratives & their continuation in every aspect of life is regarded as puritanical and Orwellian. nevermind that the proliferation of such ideas & narratives and my exposure to them left me terrified that my closest friends would think i was a pervert for disclosing sexual abuse from my parents, nevermind that I spent years being told by my abusers and society at large that i’d brought it on myself, nevermind that i’m continually surrounded by that rhetoric every day and continue to have salt rubbed in the already unbelievably painful wounds — some people are criticized for publishing wincest fic in ao3, and this is the truest sort of victim; surely someone who was merely raped by his father for years could not understand the pain and martyrdom of being called an asshole online. THIS is the real concern. upholding the secret and mystique around intrafamilial sexual violence for the sake of shippers’ enjoyment of a middling CW show from 2004 is how we will fix society, no matter how many incest survivors’ dignity we must sacrifice to make it happen

anyway. i think this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but trying to convince anyone that this stuff is even tangentially related to the experiences of real human beings who may see it and be hurt is a good deal like trying to tell people unicorns are real, in that they will laugh in your face.

#csa ment #incest ment #if you say any dumb shit to me on this post i will drive a semi through your living room and turn you into a fine gory mist

[animentality]

As much as I generally like Tumblr more than say, Twitter.

Or even you know. The disgusting hive mind that is reddit or TikTok.

The terfs of Tumblr are the most unbearable, self righteous, perpetually angry, chronically online group of misanthropes you'll ever encounter.

Like Twitter is full of hate, in every flavor, but it's muted. It's like some insane opinions, some more moderately insane opinions, and then some truly batshit, how did anyone ever think of that stuff.

But here. You say like, trans people are literally just people, and then some radfem terf tribal leader comes out of nowhere with her army of frothing attack dogs with mouths full of rabies and they co opt entire posts.

They attack everything you say, and then things you don't say, accusing you of being a misogynistic porn lover or a tranny or a man masquerading as a woman or a self hating misogynist woman.

And it's like oh wow.

There is a reason Tumblr was and still is called hellsite.

It may be gayer here than most sites, but your main enemy is so uniquely Tumblr that it becomes unbearable and horrible in its own flavor.

I have had some asshole conservatives on my posts. I have had some incels saying some stupid shit. But they get laughed at and bullied normally.

But here? Well shoot. All it takes is one annoying terf whose entire life mission is being on Tumblr, preaching the words of pastor bill in the form of gender politics.

And then her squadron of piecemeal worms come out of the dirt or nearby shit hive where they live and start gnawing at flesh like the ravenous hordes of cannibals they are.

It'd be embarrassing if it wasn't so sad.

What do you think you're doing, anyway? Advocating for women's rights from the comfort of your armchair? Are you actually helping women, are you supporting domestic abuse charities, are you volunteering at battered women shelters, are you going outside even once or twice to discuss real systemic issues that affect women, or are you just a spiteful, angry, misanthropic, jaded loser who spends all their time being angry and going on witch hunts and spewing venomous bile online at strangers?

You know that neo Nazi fuck, Andrew Anglin, used to be a hardcore liberal who liked trolling the Westboro baptist church?

I suspect that most terfs don't really have a morality behind it, you're just a re vamped version of anger addicted. You like to bully and belittle and deride, but you've grown up on movies that have hammered in just how much bullying is bad. So you need a different way to bully, a liberal way to bully, and look who it is!

A catty group of popular white girls with the southern white woman tactic of weaponizing victimhood. Your true people. White recognizes white. You think your righteous rage is fair and just and liberal and you're nothing like those chauvinistic sexist patriarchal neo Nazis?

Lol.

First off you support neo Nazis far more than you'll ever support the LGBT community or even women. Second, you might as well join the neo Nazis since your definition of a real woman is just a patriarchal depiction of the proper biological breeding slave with a vagina and child bearing hips.

Again. It would be embarrassing, but the saddest thing is you can't even see just how embarrassing you are.

#lgbt #transgender #anti jkr #anti harry potter #and before the terfs get here #lets see how they attack #lets watch #i want you to dissect it #see how they move #see how they pat themselves on the back #and make bad faith arguments using circular reasoning

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

rich girl 2

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as bullying, manipulation, cheating, noncon/dubcon, Lloyd being Lloyd, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your long awaited ascension to the Home Owners Association proves more than you bargained for. (Silverfox AU)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, side of Cole Turner

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

You go home but can’t forget about what happened. You’ve never in your life dealt with someone like that man. He was so bold and brazen and shameless. Much different than your husband.

Even if you still don’t know what he did to land in the crosshairs of the HOA, you can assume it wasn’t very dissimilar to your own encounter. You hope they’ll understand when you tell them you couldn’t get a signature. You delivered the message but you can’t help that that man didn’t want to listen.

You find it hard to calm down as you try to focus on chores instead of your failure. All this time you spent trying to be a part of the in-crowd and now you’re falling flat on your face. Maybe you aren’t cut out for this. Maybe Cole is wrong.

As you scrub dishes, the lazy tones of your music playing from the little bluetooth stuck to the tile, a sudden squeeze around your hips makes you jump. You cry out and spin, splashing your husband as he stands behind you. He closes his eyes as the water soaks the front of his shirt, your yellow gloves dripping with soap bubbles.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you,” you squeal.

“It’s fine,” he uses his sleeve to wipe his face, “I know you didn’t. I wanted to scare you.”

“Ugh, you know I hate that,” you pout.

“So,” he grabs the dish towel from the rack and dabs at his button-up, “tell me all about it. How was your first meeting?”

He turns to lean in the crook of the counter, watching you expectantly. You seal your lips and face the sink again. You plunge your hands into the water and shrug.

“It was okay,” you say, “I... I have an assignment so... uh...” you don’t know how to tell him what happened. You think maybe it’s better he doesn’t know. “I’m working on it.”

“An assignment?” He tilts his head, “exciting. What is it?”

You chew your lip and put another plate in the dishwasher, “just you know this guy...” you gulp dryly as you grasp for a lie, “he has this thing on his lawn so I’m just supposed to you know, get him to move it.”

“Wow, hard-hitting stuff,” he chuckles, “you’re like a police officer or something.”

“Not really. I mean, he could just ignore me,” you frown guiltily. That’s exactly what happened.

“Hm, I’m sure you’ll do just fine, baby,” he coos as he stands straight, “what’s for dinner?”

“Oh, shoot. I forgot the roast,” you strip the gloves off your hands and shut off the faucet, “I guess... I could do chops?”

“Ah, sounds delicious,” he creeps closer as you open the fridge, “and dessert?”

“Dessert? Well, erm, I could do like sorbet or sponge cake--”

He comes around the door and hugs you from behind, “I’m not talking about food, honey,” he rocks you and reaches to close the fridge door. He taps on the calendar, “ovulating... right?”

You look at the days circled with hearts. Oh yeah. Your heart flutters and you turn in his arms, touching his chest. You’re almost too anxious to get into it but you missed it last month. You can’t risk it again.

“Yeah, I uh, sure am,” you chime.

“Mm,” his blue eyes turn smoky, “do I really have to wait until after dinner to have my dessert?”

You giggle, more uneasy than aroused. You’re just not ready for it but you also don’t have the heart to deny him. Besides, you’ll just be too tired later.

“That’s up to you,” you run your hands across his shoulders, “are you feeling peckish?”

“Starving,” he snarls and his hands circle your waist, “babe, I wanna try something new.”

“New?” You ask.

“Mm hmm,” he bites his lip, “take your clothes off... but keep the apron on.”

You look down and back at him. You grin crookedly, “oh?”

“Trust me?”

“Of course,” you quaver and step away from the fridge, the door falling shut behind you.

He stands back and crosses his arms. You notice his pants twitch as he watches you. You untie the apron and let it hand loosely from your neck. You reach to unzip your dress and shimmy out of it. As you go to roll down your nylons, he tuts.

“You can keep those too.”

Your cheeks are on fire as you unhook your bra and pull it out from under the apron. As you roll down your panties, he lets out a gritty breath. His hand covers the bulge in his pants. You tie a bow in the back of the apron, cinching your waist as your tits threaten to spill out and the cool air tickles your bare bum.

“Will you use your mouth?” He asks as he unbuckles his belt, his hands eagerly clumsy.

“Is that what you want?” You ask. He’s not usually this adventurous. In the kitchen?

“Sure,” he pushes his pants down and groans as his dick catches in the elastic of his briefs, “god, I’ve been thinking of this all day.” He frees himself and sighs, “of you, baby.”

He beckons you forward as he pumps himself. You bend your knee and he tisks again. He pets your chin and looks you up and down.

“Not on your knees, just bend over,” he directs, “I wanna see your ass.”

You nearly gasp. He doesn’t often swear, even in the heat of the moment. You do as he says, bending and craning your head to level yourself with his tip as he aims it towards you. He’s pressing against you before you can even open your mouth.

His other hand comes up to grip your head, clamping your hair in a fist, as he forces you onto him. You gag and catch yourself on his thighs, teetering as you arch your feet. He rocks his hips, holding you still as he falls into a steady tempo, not waiting for you to warm him up.

His dick scrapes in your dry mouth. He groans as he tilts into you, deeper and deeper. You trail your hand up to cling to his shirt, moaning as you try to signal him to slow down. You can tell he’s been waiting but you’re not ready. You need a little longer to warm up.

“Mm, honey, you look so good,” he touches your back as he rocks you, “mm, yeah.”

He pushes further in, hitting the resistance at the back of your throat. He tugs your hair, angling your head as he buries himself in your throat. You spasm and choke around him. He’s never gone that deep. He lets out a shuddery growl.

“Yeah, so good,” he praises and slows, making long thrusts as moves his hand around your neck, feeling his intrusion. Your eyes well and you slap his chest. You can’t breathe. “Just a little more.”

He pushes until your lips are to his pelvis and slobber smears around your mouth. He relents as you clutch the front of his shirt and slides out completely. You cough and drag yourself up as you cling to him. You bat your lashes at him and press the back of your hand to your mouth.

His long lashes flutter, “sorry, baby, was that too much?”

You clear your throat and shake, nodding.

“I’m sorry, I was just excited,” he touches your shoulders, “come on, better not waste it. I feel it, this is the time.”

You wobble forward as he nudges you towards the counter. He turns to stand behind you, surprising you again. You’re always facing him, usually under him. He has all sorts of new ideas. He tickles your spine then grips your shoulder, leaning into you until you bend against the counter.

He rubs his tip along your butt, tracing the shape down to your folds. He bends his knees and comes up under you, prodding at your entrance until he dips inside. You whimper as he stretches you. You’re barely wet yet. You're so dizzy you can’t get into it.

He rams to his limit and you’re back on your toes. You brace the counter as he falls into a rapid motion, pounding against your ass. Flesh slaps loudly as he ruts without restraint, a hand on your hip to keep you from slipping off.

“Slow, please,” you beg through pained huffs, “Cole, you’re hurting--”

He grabs the back of your head and pushes it down, your cheek touching the marble as he rolls his pelvis into you. He hammers until your walls feel ready to split and roars as he empties himself into you. He slows only as the slickness coats you and seeps out around him.

He holds himself as deep as you can take him. You shake and keep one hand over the lip to the counter as you reach with your other between your legs. Ow.

“Was that good?” He exhales.

You shake and extend your arm back to flick him away. He slides out and his cum drips onto the floor between your feet. You stand and cup your cunt as you face him.

“That was... a lot,” you babble.

“Oh,” he seems genuinely shocked, “I’m sorry, honey, I guess I got carried away.”

“Mm, I know but... that was so... different,” you hiss at the rawness in your folds.

“I... I thought you’d like it.”

“I...” you look at him and frown. You don’t want to ever disappoint him. “I did, it’s just... it was so fast.”

“Right,” he lets out a breath, “I can make it up to you. How about tomorrow?”

You smile and nod. He has a business dinner tomorrow. He won’t be home until later, but you know he’ll get to it. When he can.

#lloyd hansen #cole turner #dark lloyd hansen #dark!lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #the gray man #ghosted #au #drabble #silverfox au #series #rich girl

[bringmemyrocks]

I’ve seen discussion about it in the ex Christian community but from your perspective, what makes the “culturally Christian” stuff BS? One thing I’ve noticed is that almost everyone that uses it turns out to be a Zionist with a hateboner against atheists, Muslims and Catholics/christians which goes back to your “Christianity isn’t inherently antisemitic” post.

Part 2

I forgot to mention this in my previous ask, but you mentioned on your “Christianity/atheism/islam aren’t inherently antisemitic” post that you really don’t like the term “xtianity” that many jumblr bloggers use. What is it that you don’t like? It does come off as chauvinistic and insulting to people who are Christian/catholic and aren’t hateful, evil or antisemitic.

Thanks for asking me! Most of what you will find below is personal observation and opinion as it's not a well-documented phenomenon even though it happens all the time on here. I wanted to do more research, but there weren't many sources to consult as most of the people who use these terms have me blocked.

I'll share about the terms and end with a personal religious objection to the practice.

I know you’ve read my “Christianity is not inherently antisemitic” post, but I’ll link it for reference here: https://bringmemyrocks.tumblr.com/post/737277867614928896/i-noticed-on-your-about-the-point-saying 

Re: the term "cultural christianity"

So yes, almost everyone who uses the term “cultural Christianity” is a zionist and uses the term to silence disagreement. Some anti-zionists will use the term, but it usually still means they think that “all Christians oppress all Jews under all circumstances except maybe in Palestine” neglecting other racial/cultural inequalities. 

It’s a red flag, unless the person using the term is not doing so in an online way. (Eg. “My family are culturally Christian, so we celebrate Easter even though we’re not religious” as opposed to “culturally christian atheists stfu challenge.”) I don’t want to say that nobody can use the term ever, especially if people find it useful to describe themselves, but Jumblr basically uses the term as an insult towards anyone they don't like, which renders it rhetorically useless. 

I also had a Jumblr heavyweight tell me that any Jew who becomes an atheist becomes culturally christian. Tell that to Spinoza. Anyway.

It’s also incredibly vague. If you want to talk about right-wing evangelical protestant hegemony in the USA, be specific. (Note that this still does not mean that every single evangelical protestant holds privilege over every Jew, even in America. Race, class, etc. all play into power dynamics, and “hegemony” refers to large-scale dynamics rather than interpersonal interactions, online or otherwise.) 

Re: the term “Xtianity” 

In my experience, two groups of people write it this way: Christians writing abbreviations (less common on this hellsite but I still see it across the rest of the internet), and Jews and/or ex-Christians who buy into Jumblr “writing it differently is a way of subtly disrespecting this religion I don’t like.” The latter is what we call a maladaptive coping mechanism if you want to get technical (anti-psych crowd don’t come after me, I come in peace).  

For Christians: “X” is how “Ch” is written in the Greek alphabet, so “Xtianity” or “Xmas” are not actually censoring the word “Christ” as much as abbreviating it. That’s why you see “Happy Xmas” written on cards and such–it’s not meant as censorship in this case. I It’s faster to write and takes up less space. Obviously I don’t take issue with this. Christian writer and theologian CS Lewis often used this abbreviation in his notes. I think at least some ex-Christians may be writing it “Xtianity” as an abbreviation and not as an intentional slight, but you know this better than I do. 

The (ostensible) reason that Jumblr censors the word: Some Jews censor the word “Christ” in any context to avoid any accidental acknowledgement of Jesus as the messiah/divine/etc. I think God and people are smarter than that, but YMMV. Some ultra religious Jews also refuse to write or say “Jesus” and will instead write “JC” or say “Yoshke” or some equivalent. This is not a new tradition, but it is far from the norm in many non-hasidic Jewish circles today. I specify “hasidic” because it’s not the norm in the non-hasidic ultra-orthodox circles in my immediate area. 

Jews who can and do write out the word “Christianity”, a very abbreviated list: 

Religious Jewish biblical scholars Jon Levenson, James Kugel, and Amy Jill Levine

Orthodox Rabbi Jonathan Sacks and every single rabbi I’ve ever met, including several orthodox ones.  

Members of the yeshivish ultra-orthodox community in my state

Liberal Jews who aren’t chronically online 

Just about any Jew engaging in interfaith dialogue (Orthodox Jews are less likely to engage in interfaith dialogue than more liberal Jews.) 

Writing it out as “Xtianity” as a means of censorship absolutely does come off as disrespectful even if the person doing so insists otherwise. And people respectfully engaging in interfaith spaces know this. (But that said, writing it “xtianity” is not that common among Jews to begin with–I had a really hard time even finding a page explaining why some Jews do this, and there are chabad and myjewishlearning pages for just about everything Jews do.) 

The best source I could find is this Tumblr post where user progressivejudaism explains why they do not misspell “Christianity” out of respect: https://progressivejudaism.tumblr.com/post/168917584523/is-jewish-ppl-calling-christianity-xtianity-like

I’m not going to touch on the “does Judaism think Christianity is idol worship” question because that’s a longer post, but the answer definitely is not a unanimous yes, despite what Jumblr will tell you. That’s sometimes given as a reason for writing it “Xtianity”. 

In my experience on this website and on Jewish facebook, “Xtianity” used in a similar way to how Jumblr talks about “goyim” (Hebrew for gentile/non-Jew, sometimes meant endearingly but often used derogatorily esp among zionists). It’s used to say “this dirty religion I don’t associate with.” And that should tell you exactly how much respect is involved. If Jumblr is going to argue that “impact > intent” it needs to apply across the board. (Certain leftist Israelis on this site do this as well, and I side-eye it whenever I come across it because come on guys.) 

I acknowledge that some of it may come from trauma, whether someone’s parents or grandparents lived through pogroms or whether they left Christianity themselves, for atheism, for Judaism, or something else. But this misspelling in order to feel powerful or avoid thinking about other religions’ existence is called avoidance, and it is a terrible way of not dealing with your trauma, especially when it involves disrespecting others’ religion to this degree. It does not address the issue of Christian intolerance of Jews or of secularism throughout history–it simply flips and says “no you” with the bonus (for Jews) of claiming it as a religious practice that others can’t ask you to stop. For ex-Christians, it might just be a way of hiding their posts without alerting anyone who follows the "christianity" tag. Idk just a guess.

Coda, which you are free to take or leave (you’re free to take or leave this entire post; I am not an authority; I am just some guy online): 

In addition to the obvious issues of respect, I have my own religious objections to this practice as a religious Jew. I pray multiple times a day and say blessings every time I eat or drink. I believe that God is in heaven as well as in this world, and that every person is an image of God. I say this because reverence (“yiras shamayim”=“fear/awe of heaven”), and proper reverence is important to me. Being so scared of another religion that you refuse to spell it properly goes against both the commandment to love one’s neighbor, against the Jewish value of living peaceably among our neighbors, and the commandment to believe that God is one and all-powerful. 

The Torah teaches that Jews are not to worship other deities and are not to follow other religions (broad strokes). I believe that God knows the difference between me writing a “+” symbol in my notes and actually leaving Judaism for Christianity, the same way that he knows the difference between me kneeling to tie my shoes and kneeling before a cross, etc. 

The idea that writing out the name of another religious figure somehow gives that power figure over the Jew in question is antithetical to my understanding of Judaism. Some hasidic Jews will straight up not write the “+” symbol when doing math because it looks like a cross. I’m serious. This is our religion twisted into superstition, and superstition is its own form of irreverence. Our God is all-knowing–he cannot be hurt by a “+” on math homework or by us acknowledging that other faiths exist.

#judaism #christianity #xtianity #religion #interfaith #autistic-ben-tennyson #ask #i

[felgueirosa]

if it’s not too triggering, why were you institutionalized for being picky? (If it’s too personal feel free to delete this ask, sorry)

Hi! It's no problem, it is triggering, but i think about it a lot, and it is something i sometimes shared on here, after it just happened, because i was in shock and had to let people know and to reach out like hey? has this happened to anyone else? but right after that it became too hard to put words to and too triggering to talk about so i talked about it less.

but its a story i want to tell now and am becoming more okay with telling, because i want people to know what happens to people, what happened to me, and what could very well happen to me again

and also, it just so happens i have been thinking about it a lot recently and thinking how to tell my story because i have been psyching myself up to tell my girlfriend.

so like. suuuuuuuuper long story below the cut. can be very triggering, its a very upsetting story. tw for like. institutionalization (obvs), suicide, medical abuse, eating disorders, psychiatric abuse, parental abuse (?)

I was kind of institutionalized. At first, it happened almost 9 years ago, I remember the anniversary every year. I was 16, my doctor recommended I be put in a childrens hospital eating disorder program. I have ARFID, no one really knew what it was at the time. I've had it since i was an infant and went from doctor to doctor and no one had ever seen anyone like me or knew what to do. One doctor said I wouldn't live past 21 if I continued to eat the way I do, but clearly that was not the case.

I am forever astounded by the amount of people I run into on here and online in general who identify as having ARFID or being that level of picky eater, though talking with some of them more in depth, it seems like they are often not on the level of pickiness i am on and seem to have experienced less shame and be more open about discussing it though everyone is different and impossible to tell.

I was excited for the program at first before it started. I thought they were going to help me and I would finally be a normal person. I was so tired of being harassed by random strangers, laughed at by waiters, and ridiculed by my family. Every person I made friends with I had to at some point make a terrifying confession to and going on dates (for the small regrettable amount I did it in high school) was near impossible when I had to show the part of myself that I was most ashamed about and hated the most on the first date.

I thought at the program I would find specialists who would sympathize with me and help me and would fix me. And when I got there, before anything even happened, I had to sign all these papers, and my parents did too, and I didn't know what they were, I didn't question it. What I signed didn't even really matter anyways, I was 16. And the first day I brought my phone with me and a book, and my bag with some other stuff. But after I signed everything, they took everything I had away, and we went to this room with all these doctors, 'my treatment team', I had never met them before, they barely looked at me or talked to me, but they talked about me and my 'treatment plan' and they were never caring to me, never talked to me like a person.

The plan, as it was for everyone, was that they give you three meals a day, of whatever food they bring you, you have to eat all of it by the time an alarm they set goes off, you have to drink every drop of water they give you, have to use every packet of sauce they give you. If you don't do this, you get moved down a 'level' and you get privileges taken away. Things like watching tv, or being around other patients, but most of all, I found out that being moved down a level just meant you usually get locked in a room by yourself for a few hours because that happened to me. a lot.

i was very upset when i found this out. this was not helping me. because as i found out, it turns out no one really knows a fucking thing about helping people with mental illnesses or eating disorders or developmental disabilities even though the medical establishment likes to talk about how much it has progressed. they don't know a single fucking thing.

so i finally went out to the common room with the other patients. i was crying very hard and told the doctors that was it i wanted to leave i didn't want to be part of the program. but they told me it was too late i already signed the consent forms. so i don't know if medical consent/institutionalization is still like this almost 10 years later, if someone was lying to me or if this is true, but my mom also told me the same thing, and apparently if you consent to this kind of thing you cannot take it back. which by definition, makes it not consent.

i remember sobbing in the common area with the other patients (they were all girls, about same age as me), and there was another new patient, also sobbing. the other girls tried to comfort us and talk to us, but the orderlies (i don't really know what else to call them, all they really did was sit and watch us and make sure we didn't do anything that wasn't allowed. they were all college girls. they were extremely mean to us, they thought we were being dramatic) wouldn't let them, we weren't really allowed to talk to each other much and we weren't allowed to touch each other and we very specifically for some reason were not allowed to comfort each other.

i was crying especially hard because i knew that this program was expected to last for a couple months. but as i talked to the other girls there the small amount i was able to, i found out that most of them had been there for much longer than a couple months, many of them for over a year. i managed to catch my parents as they were leaving from dropping me off and talking with the doctors (i had only been there still only like 3 or 4 hours) and screamed at them to get me out of here. my mom seemed really shaken by the way i was acting and the doctor told her not to worry and i specifically remember him saying "they all act like this at the beginning".

it is something i will never forget because every time i tried to convince my mom to get me out of there she seem conflicted based on the fact that the doctor said that. and it hits me every time that all the doctors, the nurses, the people working there, can see children. children. acting like that about what they are doing to them and think they are doing the right thing. i will never forget it ever. and every person who came in after me did the same thing! because it was prison! it was punishment! for having a eating disorder! for being autistic! when i was able to talk to my mom, she kept saying "we are not trying to punish you" and the more times she said i realized she was trying to convince herself.

i ate some of the foods they gave me but i never got used to them like they said i would. i just got knocked down a level every time and got locked in a room. and the thing is, unlike most media and reports about mental wards or asylums. it was a nice hospital. it was brand new. the room i was locked in was not a padded room. one of the walls was just a window. and in some ways, that made it worse. because it looked out on a highway and i saw all the cars going to and from work, going to the store, going to eat. and they were so free and they could go where they wanted and eat what they wanted and when they wanted and they weren't locked in a room. and they passed this hospital and had no idea what was happening to me or to anyone else here and it made me so angry and so defeated. i felt so close to being away from a waking nightmare but i knew i would never get there. a year!!! i could be there for over a year.

a year without going where i wanted when i wanted. no access to my phone. i wasn't allowed to see my friends. i wasn't allowed to read my books. i wasn't allowed to eat what i wanted when i wanted. i did therapy a few times a day but it was more like an interrogation. when i was a high enough level to be in the common room, i sat in the corner and did puzzles obsessively so i could just dissociate and focus on the puzzles. eventually the therapist told me i wasn't allowed to do puzzles anymore because it was "distracting from my recovery" and i "wasn't thinking about my eating" (i don't know what the fuck i was supposed to be thinking about). it got to the point where i felt like i didn't have ownership of my own mind anymore. i wasn't allowed to dissociate. i wasn't thinking about what they wanted me to be thinking about.

they told me if i "was good" (aka if i reached a high enough level, not going to happen) i could write them a list of 100 songs. they would load all the songs on an ipod shuffle to loan to me. but only after they listened to all of them first to make sure they were appropriate. they told me if i "was good" maybe i could see my best friend for a few hours for one weekend. a few hours. for one weekend. i was understanding how truly controlling the program was. seeing a friend for a few hours once a month is a privilege. listening to a few songs they approve is a privilege.

but it didn't matter. i realized after the first day that obviously i had to kill myself. i was already in a pretty bad place before the program and was passively suicidal but i realized instantly that i could not live like this and if i was going to be stuck here indefinitely then my only way to escape was to end my life. i didn't have a plan at that point but i knew for certain i was going to do it. the loss of control, the violation, the loss of body and self was unbearable.

every morning they had us strip and then weighed us and did an ekg. why did they have us strip and do an ekg? it doesnt seem like it has much of a point. they watched us go to the bathroom. it all seemed like humiliation and violation for the sake of it.

even after the second day i had realized that i didnt want to be fixed or get better and i had to come to the very quick realization that there had never been anything wrong with me. when i went to therapy they asked me questions like "don't you want to be able to go to restaurants?" "don't you want to be able to eat with friends?" and i realized none of that had to do with my health. the reason i had problems with restaurants was because they didn't accommodate to me and the reason i had problems with friends was all social. all these reasons i had for wanting to be fixed and all these reasons they had for me to want to be fixed were other peoples' problems. the way people treated me was not my problem.

for your treatment plan, one of the first steps was to admit in group therapy that you had an eating disorder and what your problems were (i fucking know) and that would get you more privileges but i decided i wasn't going to do that because i didn't have a problem, my "problem" was everyone else's problem and the way they treated me. so i refused to every session and got locked in the room every time for this. they fucking hated me for it.

if you can't tell how long i was there for based on this. i was only there for a week. because after a week our insurance came back and declined to cover the program. i always hate myself that it was a week. it doesnt feel long enough. for the amount that it did for me. for how much it does to me almost 9 years later. it doesn't feel like enough.

i got home and screamed at my parents. i was so angry. my mom had allegedly been trying the entire time to get me out of the program, but my dad had been trying to keep me in. when i got home my dad had taken away my phone and my laptop and said he wasnt giving them back. i screamed at him and cried and he threatened to call the hospital and have them lock me up forever. i was terrified, i tried to get away from him, to hide. and he got out his phone and took video of me, at my worst moments, he claimed to show to the doctors. i ran away. for a few hours. i had nowhere to go. i ran about a mile. and then sat down outside the rec center and cried until it got dark. and then i went home.

i had nightmares that i was still there for months. it never ended. i was so paranoid about everything. i thought people were coming to lock me up. i couldn't draw any attention to myself or i thought i would be locked up. every time we drove anywhere near the hospital i thought my parents were taking me back there. i was so paranoid i couldn't sleep i couldn't sit i couldn't do anything i had to be looking out for everything and i trusted no one. i walked around, angry at everyone, that they were so carefree in everything and they had no idea what happened to me. i was angry it happened to me and they were worried about things that had no importance. i was angry when adults thought they knew more than me and i felt i had been through more in life at 16 than they had at their age. was it true? i'm not sure.

i think the most important thing i learned, whether true or not, besides not needing to be fixed, was that i could never trust anyone and never ask anyone for help again. i thought they would help me and i was excited. for some time, i thought it was my fault. at least partially. but now i am angry. i was 16. who would do that to a 16 year old who was looking for help because of how people had treated them?

for a while after i talked about arfid a ton on tumblr and also on wordpress. i created the actuallyarfid tag but became disillusioned when so many people in the tag just talked about wanting to get rid of it or their progress in getting rid of it. and eventually i couldn't even talk about it anymore. it was too tied to everything that happened and i was still so ashamed of it. it was to triggering. i stopped.

i think for similar reasons i have stopped associating so much with the autistic community online. i think it has jaded me so much to see so many people who have only had the slightest negative consequences of being autistic and do being autistic like putting on and taking off a coat after something like this happened to me. it was in this program that doctors first told my parents they think i am autistic though i wasnt diagnosed until later. i recognize now that having arfid is part of my being autistic but i don't like to talk about it in the context of having arfid because i don't feel like i 'have' anything. it is just me being me. and i use autistic as a label when i need to explain my needs and differences to people quickly and its fun to make jokes about being autistic sometimes but i dont like to constantly identify myself that way.

my parents are "health" nuts (fake garbage health bullshit) so they were still convinced my eating was going to kill me and many years later have taken me to see several nutritionists. and all these years later, after doctors many years ago declared i had a problem and would die, most of them did not see a huge problem with the way i eat. one of them in particular who i love and have seen over and over again at the behest of my parents has pointed out many things to me. there are plenty of adults who don't eat or barely eat fruits and vegetables. there are plenty of adults who eat the same thing every day (bring the same thing for lunch at work everyday anyone?). the world does not end. if you are different and you do it. then you are a problem and you need to be fixed. but if it is within socially acceptable norms, then it's okay.

i've always thought that some day i wanted to write about what happened to me publicly. in a paper or something. i want people to know. that this happened to me. that this happens to people. still. that it could very well happen to me again. though i'm not sure i could take public response if i did write about it. and after i got out of the program, i wrote it all in a journal, but then ripped it up and shredded it because the words weren't enough. they were so insignificant and i could never ever find the words to capture how horrifying it was what happened to me and how badly it ruined me and destroyed me. it changed my whole life and my perspective on everything. but i think now, almost 10 years later i am starting to find the words. and i think now i am less scared.

#i think now survivingpsych tag would like to look #i think this is the best i have ever written or explained it #most emotional and most explaining why #survivingpsych

[timetraveltiddy]

Thinking Muchly about how it sucks that all these popular websites keep trying to purge shit with regards to sexuality lately…we’ve all heard the arguments about how censoring shit you don’t like will just lead to censoring things like LGBTQ+ content and the like and yeah, it sucks. It makes me think about some of the things I studied years ago about pushing sexuality out of the public eye and the way people just don’t take it seriously.

In real life, stuff like porn shops wouldn’t be allowed to be open in more “public”, touristy spots and instead pushed into “seedy” areas which just stigmatizes it further. Airing shows with more overt sexual tones late at night, of course. Sexuality studies in general is treated a bit like a joke, I remember bringing up that I was studying it to someone once and the first thing they said was “oh, I could tell you all about that :)” which, from who said it, wasn’t really what I wanted to hear. And according to the articles I’ve read, joking and brushing off is an EXTREMELY common reaction. It feels like people throw sexuality under fire way too often and just don’t want to actually discuss why they feel that way. Which is understandable when sexuality holds so much significance for people, be it because it’s “shameful” or a trauma site or anything in between. While I couldn’t fault someone for not wanting to discuss trauma, that Western society loves to lump shame on people for talking about sexuality at all is another form of censorship when you get down to it.

Extending attempts at censorship to the internet is of course the natural progression and it really is unsettling how many people, especially “antis” are for it. We see these bills and shit the US government is trying to pass and people are vehemently against them and yet so many of the same people are more than happy to enforce their own censorship by bullying people who make content they don’t like. Which is what it boils down to in most cases, it just sounds more “legitimate” to shroud it in something already shameful and package it as something harmful. And then of course people just follow the leader because, assuming good faith, if you hear that doing something is going to hurt people why wouldn’t you protest it? It’s tricky to separate for those who haven’t developed strong critical thinking skills. And even in having developed it, being reactionary is kind of the natural thing when you simply don’t have the knowledge behind it. This not even getting into the fact that some people simply love the power trip this gives them. Shit like this is how people GAIN this type of power…which is why discussing this kind of thing is critically important. Which is why even if I hate certain kinds of content online, I’m not gonna lobby for its complete removal.

I have so, so much more I can ramble about but I’ll call it here for now. Human sexuality is just such a diverse and expansive topic and as much as people wanna pretend any of this is unimportant or can be reduced to the “bad” parts it really ain’t that simple!!

#it’s shiny time #my brain is FULL of thoughts today and I will not censor the #anyway I’m hungry