#idk how much tolerance i have for certain behaviors now like idk.. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slut4thebroken · 7 months

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Hey same anon that was talking abt your speech👋

Im not saying its your fault that people pick on you, its definitely not your fault that they're assholes. However you said your tone was the main issue for this and I still think that that is something that's controllable. Again not saying this like it excuses them cuz it doesn't but im saying while adhd isn't something you can control, things like tone can be controlled.

And I wasn't saying all this so that you could accommodate for people, I was coming from the perspective that you could accommodate for yourself. Like this whole situation with the mean classmates, im a firm believer in saying something so they dont feel like they can continue to display their bad behaviors. (Side note: I understand masking is telling you to basically copy these people but the people you're copying are rude so im not blaming you)

But my advice wasn't that you mask. I have a husband who suffers the same as you and he used to mask with me and pretty much everyone in his life. I understand masking isn't ideal and I understand that you guys think about every little social interaction. My advice was to be comfortable with yourself but also look more inward and think that maybe you are rude during those interactions. Obviously I don't follow you around everywhere so idk how these things go. But from what I've seen from my husband is being comfortable with yourself and communicating things thru does wonders for both parties to understand each other and being comfortable with yourself id say limits the masking.

Also I figured id give you an explanation on why I thought you were rude since you were confused. I understand you were self hating in the moment but things that came off as rude and like you resent people were things like your tags when you said "so they should know by now that I cant fucking control it and thats how I talk" (which I totally understand this my husband was a jerk when we met too. The issue socially is probably youre too literal. Its not an easy fix but it is fixable from experience but saying things like "I can't control it" is very limiting towards yourself.) The reason this is rude is bc its rude to you obvi but also in your mind it seems like you kind of subconsciously expect people to just tolerate these things when they are not normal to "normal people" (you can educate me on the correct term btw cuz I honestly hate saying normal ppl I just can't think of what the correct term is called at the moment, im not hating)

You also made assumptions that people immediately get annoyed with you or think you're annoying and there was something you said abt people not feeling the same as you abt certain things you like. 1. Making assumptions abt how people feel abt you is always iffy cuz you just came up with that answer yourself you didn't ask them. It kinda shows how you view people or what you think they think which is most likely not the case. 2. For the not liking similar things, im not sure if these people don't have similar interests with you at all or what but a lot of times in life its not gonna be common to find someone with the same amount of interest in something as you do. Not saying its impossible tho I just wouldn't put that pressure on people. Them being fake however is a different thing but I wouldn't know if they were being fake with you or not. There's a lot of gaps with this because we don't know each other but im not trying to be mean or hateful and im not saying all this like its definite, you could take it or leave it. But I hope there's no hard feelings i just 1. Mainly wasnt okay with how you were talking to yourself but 2. I also did think you were being a bit rude to just people in general cuz ive been there myself. Obviously were different people and im not saying our situations are similar at all but how I took it was that while you hate these things abt yourself, you were also blaming people for things that are (whether we agree or not) in your control. But I could be totally wrong and thats okay.

I hope this didn't come off as rude tho cuz I dont intend for it to be but if it was im sorry. Its not often but sometimes I see things I have the full intention of just being helpful but I end up being the opposite. I do genuinely hope that these issues don't continue to bother you up mentally tho. (Also sorry that these have all been lengthy).

Please enlighten me on how that’s controlable. If you were talking nicely to other people, just trying to engage in conversation and be a good friend, and people constantly said that to you, what would you do? If you’re already consciously trying to sound nice. What else is there to do?

And I was comfortable with myself. My parents stopped saying I have an attitude when I was just talking a long time ago, none of my long term friends have ever made it seem like something that was a huge problem, even my ex understood that I literally just sound like that. But now I’m constantly reevaluating every interaction, trying to figure out if I actually sounded rude or if I just thought I did, or if maybe they reacted a certain way because my tone didn’t match what I was trying to say. And I’m fucking tired. I don’t know what else I should do when I’m already intentionally trying to not sound rude other than just not fucking talk at all lmao which I just realized that I’ve lowkey started doing.

And I am too literal… that’s why I don’t pick up on things like I mentioned in my original post. There’s nothing I can do to train myself to not be literal so I’m not exactly sure how I would fix that. The term is neurotypical and I’m not saying they should tolerate it but when I quite literally apologize and correct my tone immediately after saying something that could be seen as rude, I personally think it’s a dick move to continue to be mean about it rather than just say “thanks for the apology. Good to know.” And I appreciate when people tell me that something I said sounded off because then we can fix the miscommunication and also I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them because of that one interaction. But after having this conversation (“wtf. You don’t have to be so mean about it.” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I meant it like this__.”) so many times, I don’t understand why they would continue to respond like that. Some people have started saying stuff along the lines of “lmao girl that did not sound how you wanted it to” and I apologize again every time.

As for the making assumptions part, clearly you don’t know what it’s like to just be able to tell that someone doesn’t like you lol. I’ve delt with that my whole life (as have most neurodivergent people), I’m rarely wrong about that stuff for myself personally. And I understand that people have different interests… that’s not what I was saying. What I was saying was I don’t like how I’ll get excited about something and start talking about it cause I get riled up and then I realize that I’m talking a lot and that they don’t care. I’m not good at stopping that before it starts and the only reason I put that in the original post is because I literally did it earlier that day lmao.

It did come off as rude and it actually really hurt my feelings. In the future, maybe ask if someone wants help rather than giving unsolicited advice about a situation you barely know anything about. Never in my original post did I ask for advice, I was literally just venting after having a really rough day. And while I appreciate that it was your intention to help, you should just be more thoughtful moving forward.

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masonscig · 1 year

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speaking of rebecca, am i the only one who's kind of surprised by the amount of people who hate her (valid) while also seeming to love bobby (also valid, but feels contradictory here)?

like, i can completely understand both of those takes, don't get me wrong (full disclosure of my two detectives on bobby's route carrie has a good relationship with bobby and rebecca, and avery all but hates them both) but considering rebecca's absentness and manipulative tendencies tend to be what turn people off from her it's kinda strange to see some of those same people uwuify bobby who, as an ex in particular, is explicitly stated as being manipulative to the MC during their relationship using them for information, clout, and straight up stealing their work in college. and while i get the appeal of them being like, the one anti-copaganda figure in the series now with how book 3 ends, but this is also the same bobby who to this point has canonically: been an incredibly manipulative partner in college and has continued post-breakup, has stalked the MC basically once a book, bugged their office in book 1, forced their way into the mc's apartment in book 2, tries to coerce them MC into sex to loosen their tongue on multiple occasions included multiple tries after the mc's made it clear they're no longer interested, and can be directly called out for trying to take advantage of the detectives emotional state during the kidnappings to get more info despite showing little to no sympathy for the victims being taken. even if there's good intentions there nothing about that is healthy even considering their respective careers (maybe even less so because of them).

again, not trying to bash either side of it, i guess i'm just trying to figure where people draw that line? to me they're both emotionally manipulative individuals who are trying to repair what they had with the mc to some degree and protect them, but don't know how to do it without being manipulative. they mirror each other in a lot of ways yet one seems to get a free pass more often than the other. idk maybe i'm just rambling but thanks for giving a place to do it <3

oh i LOVE this ask – and no problem at all! ramble on bestie i love reading your thoughts! <3

i'm gonna put my response under the cut bc i have Thoughts

i do think it's wild to see how much more willing people are to forgive (is that the right phrasing? maybe tolerate is better here) bobby's behavior over rebecca's, but i think i can understand why to a certain degree

so, to clarify before i say anything, i think both of them fucking suck and should not be in mc's life for multiple reasons. bad mother, bad partner, bad friend, whatever, honestly they're doing more harm than good – it's mainly because they both aren't willing to correct their behaviors. you could argue that rebecca is, because she says it, but she doesn't do anything about it. she just says she's going to be a better mom like saying it out loud will make it true

[also i'm rereading the stuff i wrote, and this is from the perspective of someone who only picks 'have a bad relationship with rebecca' for their detectives, so take all my rambling with that in mind!]

but i think the reason rebecca cuts a lot deeper is because there's a different kind of love you're supposed to experience from either relationship. (i'm saying this generally bc from your ask i'm sure we're on the same page ab this !! it's hard to put this into words because i know that people (this includes me) have a lot of complex feelings about parental/spousal love and what standards you should have for either.

("dump him/her!" and "go no contact!" crowd, i'm sorry but i'm not heading in that direction LMAO)

for me, rebecca falls flat in a million ways, because she's trying to make up for years of being an absent parent with empty promises she's yet to fulfill. i know it takes time, as repairing any relationship does, but it does seem like she's approaching it almost in a selfish way, like mc's forgiveness will atone for the years she missed out on, when that's not even close to how these things work. and now with mc working closer with her? it'll restrain the relationship even more before it even gets to start.

she definitely doesn't think she's intending to be manipulative, but she is, by guilt tripping mc at different points throughout the series – but no matter what her intent is, the point is, she was supposed to be a loving mother to her child, and instead of leaning into that, she leaned away. she allowed her child to grow up without two parents instead of one, when unconditional love is the standard for any parent. taking out the whole "rebecca is a working parent" thing, bc that's totally okay, there's ways she could be there for her child that she just. wasn't.

instead of "my love for my child takes priority over my grief for my husband" it turned into "my grief for my husband takes priority over my love for my child" – and that's not okay.

i think bobby is bad, but at the very least, i think being fucked over and abandoned by a partner is a different kind of betrayal than having an absent parent – let me put it this way: if you have an awful romantic partner, you can move on from that by being shown what a "better" relationship looks like. that's what's happening in canon with mc, their ro, and their li. but... if mc has an awful parent (rebecca), then what's replacing that parental love? familial love from ub? that's all good and well (incredible, even), but that's not the same as love from a mother that's there but chooses not to be, you know? (also, please note, take this for as it is, because i think love comes in all shapes and forms – and i believe that you don't need a certain love to live happily, i'm just talking hypothetically about these fictional characters LMAO)

also, i think that if you choose to have a good relationship with rebecca, it's still not a good look – i said this in another ask, but i think that rebecca approaching certain situations the same way regardless of her relationship with mc feels intentional, whether or not m*shka intended that to happen. it's further proof that rebecca won't (can't, isn't willing to) change i think

i feel like this ask got away from me bc i started thinking less about people forgiving rebecca/bobby and more about why i think rebecca is worse SORRY DGKMMDKGKMG

OKAY i need to stop myself bc i know i have a lot of thoughts and i could probably talk forever about this but i am shutting the fuck up now LMFAO

#asks #twc book 3 #twc book 3 spoilers #twc spoilers #cw abuse #cw manipulation #cw coercion #cw abandonment #<- if there are any other tags to add please lmk!

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kindheart525 · 7 months

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idk if you're still accepting this but 12 for the apple-pie siblings.

From this post: “What is their least favorite memory? Why is it their least favorite?”

Summer Beauty: Her whole life /j As of now it’s probably the moment Iolite cursed her, especially with the hindsight of knowing how that curse has affected her life. But before that, I imagine there was an event similar to “Invisible” or “Habit” where she got overshadowed by some family emergency, except that time it was her birthday or some other event that was objectively significant for her. The kind of event where it is reasonable to feel really disappointed even if you intellectually understand that certain emergencies have to be first priority. But knowing Summer, it just added to her resentment, even when her parents tried their hardest to make it up to her afterwards. I like to think that incident happened on Soarin’s side because she seems to like/tolerate her Apple siblings at least a little bit more.

Varmint Venom: When she and Brackish were kids (and into their young adulthood), they used to pick on each other a lot. Brackish was usually the one to stir up shit, but Varm could also instigate if she wanted to and she usually got the upper hoof with her wit and charisma. (For example, one time Brack tried using one of her snakes to look cool for the ladies, but said ladies suddenly took an interest in Varm instead.) But there still appeared to be a tiny modicum of respect even on Brackish’s end. When they were kids, though, Brackish decided to be really shitty and “show Varmint a cool frog” which entailed throwing several at her face. What was mostly an irrational, but manageable phobia was made so much worse by Brackish purposely being an instigator and laughing at his big sister’s misery. It was one of the few times in her life Varmint actually felt powerless. Brack mostly moved on to other methods for causing trouble when he grew up, but the one or two times he tried to tease Varm with frogs did not end well.

Brackish: I think Brackish’s least favorite memories entail times that he actually received consequences for his actions. Some consequences don’t really faze him too much; for example, if a mare breaks up with him, it might bruise his ego and piss him off but he never really cared about her to begin with. He can and will find somepony else in no time. Even groundings were mostly inconsequential in the long run because all he had to do was wait them out and push through the extra chores for a little bit. By “actual consequences” I mean his parents threatening to stop supporting him if he continues with his behavior, not because they don’t love him but because they’re running out of options. The support of his family is one constant he counts on. He may not enjoy all the reunions and he may find even his immediate family annoying sometimes, but some part of him still needs to know he still has them to fall back on. You could call it love or you could call it convenience, but either way the idea of losing that support is enough to scare him into…well not really cleaning up his act but being a lot less reckless, but also more manipulative.

Obsidian: For now it’s her falling out with River, which was the first serious conflict she’d ever had with the creature she once thought she was inseparable from. Add to that the shame of knowing somewhere under her defensiveness that she was wrong. Later in her story, it’s the events I described in this post.

Mountain Peak: Definitely when his grandfather died. As implied in “Sedimentary,” Mounty had no idea his grandpa was really that close to death, so when he did pass on it came as a complete shock. Maybe not to his more keen-eyed parents, but definitely to an optimistic young colt like him. It was made much worse by the fact that it happened right around the holidays, and by Limestone not being the most emotionally literate in trying to comfort him. After some time he did come to understand that his grandpa lived a good long life, and it wasn’t like he didn’t understand death before, having heard about all the passed-on Apples that came before him. It’s just different when it actually happens. As you probably read, though, he ended up dealing with it much better than Limestone. Also up there is the events of “Labradorite,” but at least in that instance, part of him already anticipated something going wrong.

#AskKind #auraverse #summer beauty #varmint venom #brackish #obsidian #mountain peak #next generation #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp g4 #send asks #asks open #send me asks #ask me stuff #ask me things #ask me anything

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hypezombies · 1 year

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WHAT IF THE UPSIDE DOWN IS DIVIDED IN TWO: A COLD SIDE AND A HOT SIDE?

Okay so, I was looking at a screenshot of what the Upside Down was like when Henry was sent there in ‘79 and I thought:”The atmosphere definitely used to be hot back then”. We’ll come back to this, but for now take a look at the light. It’s yellow and warm, it’s not the same cold, blue, barely-there, night light we see in the Upside Down after Will entered it.

One thing made me brush this thought away initially and it’s the fact that we’re shown how sensitive to heat the creatures from there are. But in the flashback of Henry ending up in the Upside Down (S4e9), we see that it was already inhabited by Demogorgons and Demodogs.

If we go back to season two, we see how Dart couldn’t even stand the heat emanating from a lamp and ran away/hid from it more than once. And so I thought: even if they used to be able to live in a hot climate, they would have had way too short a time to evolve and adapt to the cold temperature.

If the Upside Down was somehow changed by Will when he entered it, then they would have had less than an entire year to evolve, between Nov 6th ‘83 and Oct 31st ‘84, when Dustin found Dart.

If it was changed somewhere between ‘79 and ’83, it still would have been an incredibly short amount of time, going by our world’s standards. But hey, these are creatures from a fictional alternate dimension, as much as it seems impossible to me, it could actually be.

And then I thought:”Dart only hid/ran when the light was pointed directly above him and there’s a scene of him going outside Dustin’s house in the daylight (under the shade of some trees)”.

So the Demodogs AND Demogorgons (Nancy sees the Demogorgon during the day in Steve’s backyard, in season one, again under the shade of some trees) definitely can stand a certain amount of heat. Yes, they’re more sensitive to it than most creatures from our dimension, but they’re used to living in the dark, so of course they would be. So them being able to live in a hot climate in the past and slowly adapting to a colder one and partially losing their heat tolerance, makes sense.

I rewatched the scenes of the UD in ‘79 and took some pictures (so the quality sucks, so sorry). Let’s look at them before getting to why I thought about the possibility of the Upside Down being sort of divided in two.

We can see red-ish, orangey sky (my camera made everything a lot more yellow than it actually is, idk why); sparks in the air, exactly like the ones that fly out of bonfires; lightings; warm, yellow light everywhere, coming from the ground too. Now, I don't know what could be emitting that light from the ground. Fire? Lava? I don't know, but it’s undeniable how visibly hot it used to be in the Upside Down.

While rewatching season two, I got to the scene in episode five, in which the Lab scientists are showing Owens the samples of the contaminated dirt they took from the farms around Hawkins. When put above a flame, they started floating and spinning around.

Where else have we seen that same behavior? Yes, we’ve seen it with the Mind Flayer (this got me thinking about the hive mind and how the MF particles are probably, somehow, most likely, the same particles that were in the contaminated dirt and could even be everywhere else in the UD. But that’s a whole other thing and I don’t wanna go spiraling down that hole too right now).

So I started thinking about how and why the Mind Flayer behaves the same way as the contaminated ground samples when they are placed above a flame.

We see that he's made of spinning particles in the flashback in S4 (and not only, but we'll get to it). If we think about how the atmosphere was hot back then, then it makes sense for it to be acting the same way as the heated particles in the dirt.

But we also see him act the same way in S2 too, when the Upside Down had already become cold and dark.

But when Will was having the visions and seeing the Mind Flayer, it was initially always accompanied by lighting and a red sky.

(Exactly like the sky from which Henry was falling, when he got sent to the Upside Down and exactly like the sky where he keeps the bodies of his victims in S4, where he didn't want Max to see).

If I think of lighting and red light, I think of heat.

The MF stopped being accompanied by lighting and red sky when he got close to Will: on Halloween night and the day he got possesed.

This is when I thought:"What if only part of the Upside Down is dark and cold and stuck on the night of November 6th 1983? What if somehow everything else is still the same and where Hawkins is, is the only part that changed?"

When the Mind Flayer was far away in Will's initial visions, he had a red sky and thunder behind him. Very similar to the sky where he was when Henry found him (the red sky we see behind the MF in S2 is much, much darker than the orangey one in S4, but you get what I mean). So what if he was still on the "hot side" of the Upside Down and when he entered Hawkins and got close to Will, he entered the "cold side" we all know. And maybe when he did that, he didn't enter it in its entirety. Maybe part of him was still far away, in the "hot side" and that's why it was still spinning on itself.

I mean if we think about it, the Mind Flayer is HUGE, so it can easily stretch for kilometers. And when Will sees it with the dark blue sky, it seems to grow. I think it makes sense for it to be "growing", cause it's coming from a far away place and taking shape in another. When you look at something in the distance, getting closer and closer to you, it does look like it's growing.

This would explain why the particles the Mind Flayer is made of, spin in S2 too.

Now let's look at the official S2 poster.

On the left of the road, we have our world, on the right, the Upside Down. But the sky on this side is two different colors. On the right of the sign and, in perspective, closer to the kids and Hawkins, it's blue. On the left and, in perspective, further away it's red, just like the sky where the Mind Flayer is.

So to recap everything: the Upside Down used to be hotter and brighter than how we get to know it in the first three seasons. Somehow it changed between 1979 and 1983 and became cold and dark. But there's a possibility that not all of it changed and only where Hawkins and the near surroundings are, did. And the Mind Flayer is usually in the unchanged, hot side, of the Upside Down and entered the cold side, (that maybe, possibly Will changed with his powers in S1?) when he got to the UD version of Hawkins, while still partially staying on the hot side.

I most likely just read too much into it and the spinning particles were there only to make us connect the dots with the Mind Flayer, but this was still a lot of fun to think about and I hope at least someone enjoyed reading it :)

#stranger things #stranger things theory #upside down #will byers powers #mind flayer #stranger things vecna

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icharchivist · 1 year

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honestly Belial having a "nobody can insult my baby brother but me" thing towards Lucifer would potentially put kind of a funny spin on the fact that Sandalphon was completely unaffiliated with the Fallen Angels during the rebellion despite causing Problems on his own, especially given Belial seems to have much more genuine animosity towards Sandalphon than Lucifer (which makes sense given he envies Sandalphon's lack of inborn purpose to follow and has no reason to have any attachment towards him like with Lucifer)

(come to think of it, Sandalphon and Belial would probably be the worst in-laws ever lmao. i'm picturing LuciSan and SariBeli going to lunch somewhere or something and Belial spending the entire time making snide passive-aggressive remarks back and forth with Sandalphon until he ends up diving across the table to try to strangle him)

YESSSSS LMAO

Shipping LuciSan because of the romantic tension between them: basic, surface level, basic drama

Shipping LuciSan for the in-laws drama between Sandalphon and Belial: inspired, sacred, the funniest fucking alternative

I love what you say in the first paragraph yes!! Like Belial was tolerating the guy as long as he was making his little brother happy but now, he's making him miserable and it's not even Belial's fault??? wtf!! (and yeah also for the parenthesis, there's a lot of reasons Belial's animosity toward Sandalphon is manifesting that way, i'll also add, how Belial would do anything to be loved by Lucilius and doesn't get this love, meanwhile he can see his devotion in Sandalphon, and see that Lucifer loved him unconditionally, some jealousy can sneak in here)

And as for the rest YESSSS this is exactly how i picture it. Belial would CONSTANTLY try to provoke Sandalphon and i would totally see Lucifer not even really noticing bc well. that's just how his brother is, and he tends to lack the ability to pick up when behaviors upset people. So the situation would escalate on Belial's side and Lucifer will not exactly notice until Sandalphon suddenly starts throwing hands. Granted from this point Lucifer will side with Sandalphon like "idk what really happened but Belial stop provoking my boyfriend" while Belial is just "he's the one who assaulted me????" "i didn't understand everything but i'm almost certain you probably deserved it" "WOW."

Still Lucifer invites Belial for meals because he likes to see his big brother and every single time Sandalphon is dreading.

They'd be the messiest inlaws i want it.

#ichareply #anonymous #ichafantalks gbf #ichablogging wmtsb

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palmett-hoes · 3 years

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how do you think this fandom deals with "measuring" trauma? i've seen a couple posts detailing aaron's reaction to trauma/nicky's reaction//seth's/etc and it seems like some people have a tier list of trauma responses in regards to the foxes? like what's "acceptable" versus what isn't, and who's trauma was "enough" to make their actions excusable versus others. this doesn't make much sense but i hope you get where i'm coming from?

no no i get you don't worry

i think it’s something i used to see more said explicitly than i see it now. like i definitely remember a point in the fandom when ppl were very openly mad at aaron for the way he acted in the books and especially him not being “grateful” enough for all that andrew had “done for him.” additionally seth used to be used as a minor villain or an abusive ex in fics a lot more than i see now. then of course there was a period of calling out these trends and reminding ppl that these are books about trauma, not books about ethics, and that you really really can’t read them without attempting compassion for every character. they’re not books about who’s right and who’s wrong, they can’t really be read in terms of theory or ideology. they’re about survival and recovery.

i haven’t really seen those sentiments in the past few years tho, at least not as openly as they once were, nor have i seen the old posts recirculating. at the same time, i think that there’s less meta and character analysis being written in general so there’s also less debate in general. i don’t see the whole fandom tho, just who i follow and the stuff from the tags that shows up on my tl. if this stuff is actively still going on idk about it, though i’d like to think we as a collective have moved on from seeing trauma as a zero-sum game

additionally, because of the discourse period over them it seems like aaron and seth in particular are treated with extra care not to invalidate that they came from abusive situations and were shaped by that. i’d say it’s now seen as bad taste to openly denounce what a character has been through as “not enough”

however

measuring trauma isn’t always angry, it isn’t always saying to a character “you didn’t go through enough” or “he went through more so shut up.” measuring trauma can also be dismissive. it can take the form of simply choosing not to include it. of removing character traits or actions or topics that make us uncomfortable or are maybe complicated to approach. by removing them or replacing them or avoiding them and simply writing like they’re not there, you essentially get to the same place as saying “get over it” but instead you write them as having, well, gotten over it

so i do still see people measuring trauma it’s just not as outright anymore. instead it’s paring certain characters down for ease and digestibility, and simply not engaging with their trauma and circumstances

i would say i see this most often with the upperclassmen, dan, matt, and allison especially (and nicky even though he’s not an upperclassmen) (ik i mentioned him but seth content is still pretty few and far between) (renee’s trauma has the “rule of cool” so it still gets in there). i’ve mentioned before how sidelined the upperclassmen are in fan works and some of the unfortunate implications of that, but another dimension is not acknowledging or considering their individual backgrounds. they all come from some pretty fucked up circumstances and more than that they’re all SHAPED by those circumstances

in the books, they are all wary isolationists with attitude issues. they can be mean, they can be nasty, and they can be violent. they come from poverty, abuse, neglect, drug addicition, gang violence, and sex trafficking. they are treated with extreme suspicion by their school, the media, their classmates, and their fellow athletes, and they respond with suspicion right back. their relationships with each other are often on thin ice. they treat neil the way they do - tolerate his puzzle pieces that don’t fit together right without questioning - because they can all recognize themselves in him. and on the flip side, neil is able to relate to them for the same reasons, because they are also wary dogs used to being hit

but then i so often see the upperclassmen used in ways that mostly imply they’re like,, mostly normal, chill, often quite woke. goofy and cool. they all grew up watching disney movies and going to carnivals. they get used as a contrast for neil and andrew to highlight their traumatized behavior and the extremity of their circumstances, and if their trauma gets mentionted at all it’s in passing and it doesn’t inform the way they act. their trauma isn’t sufficient to inform their actions so it just,, doesn’t factor in or get mentioned really and they’re all nice, friendly, happy-go-lucky neurotypicals who are trying to teach poor traumatized neil how to be normal. tell me that isn’t measuring trauma

it’s annoying, in all honesty, especially since it now seems to come in a form that’s hard to call out because it’s no longer content that actually states a bad opinion so much as it is a lack of content or consideration for certain characters, pushing them further and further into the background and giving them increasingly more vague, palatable, and relatable characterizations.

in fact, it often comes off as praise, by ascribing them positive traits like nicky being a good guardian for the twins or allison being super knowledgeable about lgbt stuff or dan being a “queen” or matt being a “himbo” and because this is all good stuff it’s fine, right? it’s better than canon actually, right? except actually what it is is dismissive of their trauma and individual experiences. it’s a series of easily digestible filler words used to make the messy, ugly, complicated characters of canon softer and easier to swallow

also this is by no means restricted to the upperclassmen it’s just the one that slips most through the cracks. i definitely see this happening to andrew, too, but it works in slightly different ways and is a whole other discussion

#txt #the upperclassmen #dan wilds #matt boyd #allison reynolds #fandom #my posts #im talkin #ask #nicky hemmick

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moviegroovies · 3 years

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confession time: for someone who (semi) actively runs a movie blog, i really haven’t seen a lot of classic movies.

(i know this comes as a shock for those of y’all who have been subjected to nothing but my half-baked thoughtpieces on bad 80′s horror for the past couple of years, but bear with me.)

to be honest, even this review doesn’t REALLY represent me making an active choice to remedy that so much as it does me pulling a long con where i endear myself to marilyn monroe by watching her movies to get myself excited to watch the miniseries blonde (2001), for abnormally pretty, young jensen ackles purposes*, but let’s not dwell on all that. the practical result is the same; i watched some like it hot (1959). now, i hope y’all are ready for a few some like it Thoughts™:

first, idk how much attention y’all have been paying to the loose bits of personal lore i occasionally scatter within my reviews, but one thing about myself that i feel i’ve been pretty open about is the fact that i’m trans. this being so, and knowing not a whole lot about the movie beyond the very basic premise “1959 extended man in a dress gag,” i can’t say i went in with the highest of expectations. imagine my surprise, then, when the gender aspect of this movie was... actually pretty good? i mean, full disclosure, it’s not exactly gender studies, but it’s passable! it’s tolerable! there were even a few moments where i felt inclined to say the words “oh, GENDER?” out loud!

perhaps most impressively, i’d say the Cis Creator Cringe Factor of some like it hot was actually impressively LOWER than a lot of modern moves with genderswapping premises tend to be. like, i know that one definite explanation for that would be the fact that trans experiences are more widespread today, so modern filmmakers don’t feel comfortable playing with ideas like this without at least giving lipservice to them, while the era that bore some like it hot didn’t face the same “pressure,” but, okay. listen. compared to another movie i watched recently--freaky (2020), in which a teenage girl swaps bodies with serial killer vince vaugn, featuring one incredibly anvilicious scene where, upon being informed by a gay boy that she’s in the men’s bathroom, the girl’s best friend retorts, “she [vince vaugn]’s got a dick in her hand, and you’re wearing chanel no. 5. i think we’re past labels.”--some like it hot, a movie older than my father, was wayyyy easier to watch**. actually, you know what? yeah. listen to me. cis content creators? movie producers? i’m talking to you. DON’T EVEN BRING GENDER (or gender “identities”... which is an incredibly gross term, anyway) UP IF YOU’RE NOT PLANNING TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT. sincerely, this particular bad taste corner of the trans community :).

...anyway.

some like it hot, by contrast, did it right. YES, the premise of the movie was two presumably cis men in disguise as women. i’ll put that in the open. however, there was a certain... i don’t know if “respect” is the right word, but there was an avoidance, at least, of the usual predatory tropes. in fact, the worst behavior by far from either main character comes when joe manages to take off his female disguise, donning another, male persona and using things that sugar (marilyn’s character) confided in “josephine” to create a nonthreatening, desirable “millionaire” in order to trick her into sex. okay, like i said, it’s not gender studies, but, the humor in some like it hot comes from generally the right place. joe and jerry don their female disguises in a matter that in quite literally life and death for them (and it’s more than the creators ever thought of, i’m sure, but there IS an interesting analysis to be had of them needing to pass to live), which to a degree removes the usual pitfalls of male to female crossdressing as a gag; they’re neither doing it for lecherous reasons, nor to parody the female experience. this being a comedy, there is a degree of humor found in the situation, but it’s directed at jerry and joe, the characters, more than their disguises. the general assumption is that they both pass without question, as long as they’re wearing their ladies’ clothes; jerry once comments that he’s “not even pretty,” but it’s never an issue to contend with.

wrt the crossdressing, the worst moment for me, personally, was a scene on the train when jerry prepared to take off the disguise in order to sleep with sugar, and even this ends up comedically averted at jerry’s expense.

and speaking of jerry.

jerry is actually the most compelling part of the movie for me, especially viewing it through the lens of gender. while joe, who gets the girl and manages to spend large chunks of the latter part of the film in his second, male disguise, never thinks too much about what they’re doing beyond the survival aspect of it, jerry is the one who, erm, “gets into character.” joe’s female name is simply josephine; before they get on the train with the woman musicians, it’s assumed that jerry will be going by “geraldine.” however, when they give their introductions, the duo becomes josephine... and daphne.

as the movie progresses, this distinction grows more pronounced; when joe has to remind a smitten jerry on the train that he’s a girl, referring to their disguises, jerry miserably repeats the affirmation: “i’m a girl. i’m a girl. i want to die. i’m a girl.” later on, however, as joe’s relationship with sugar develops, “daphne” becomes acquainted with local horndog millionaire osgood, who he at first dislikes, but comes around to after being forced on a date as part of joe’s plan to trick sugar. after seeing jerry excited by the prospect of marrying osgood, a bewildered joe has to remind jerry why it’s an impossibility, and in the same miserable tone as before, jerry/daphne muddles through a new affirmation, one that definitely didn’t ring false to my trans ears: “i’m a boy. i’m a boy. i want to die. i’m a boy.”

hm. actually, now i’m thinking about a trans male reading of joe. he was the one at first resistant to taking the job (with the all-female band), when they only needed money, and not a place to hide from an upset mob boss, but also the one who seems to know more about the role when it comes time to get into character. while jerrydaphne gets increasingly comfortable with femininity as time passes, joe never performs it in anything but a perfunctory, necessary way, and sloughs the costume EVEN WHEN the danger of being found out has not yet passed, because pretending for such a long period of time is just untenable. something about passing for female being a safe haven and a burden for both closeted (re-closeted, in this case) trans men and out trans women?

anyway. by the end, though both osgood and sugar do find out the truth about the disguises, sugar seems to instantly forgive joe for his treacherousness (again, referring more to his actions as the shell millionaire than his escapade in drag), while osgood appears unbothered by daphne’s truth, leading to an ambiguous ending for the futures of the characters, and any realizations that might come later.

no, it’s not the “real transgender experience.” it (thankfully) never claims to be. BUT, being trans myself, there were some moments that made me feel linked to our protagonists, and relatively few, if any, that made me feel alienated. all in all, that’s a lot more than i hoped for going in, so that’s what i’m happy with.

watch some like it hot, y’all. it’s a good movie in a timeless way, and, as modern movies appealing to short-lived trends that will feel outdated next week (if not by the very time of their release) will show you, that’s more than it needed to be.

*since my original draft of this post, i DID watch blonde, and i don’t know if that’s technically fair game for this blog (not exactly a movie) or what, but 6/10. fairly well done piece of art but just BEATINGLY tragic, so proceed with caution. jensen ackles literally is THAT PRETTY though, so the jackles cut i give a strong 11/10. i am a homosexual. **i would like to clarify that this isn’t me telling you not to watch freaky. yes, some of the dialogue is tragically riverdaleian, but there’s also a scene where vince vaugn makes out with a teenage boy. so,

#some like it hot #text post #freaky (2020)#link #jerry/daphne #joe #transgender

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belle-keys · 3 years

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Incoherent thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames (2021) by SJM

Do not expect this to be a critical, unbiased review at all. Eet just ease what eet ease. Spoilers ahead laddies.

*unwanted preface*

Okay, so like, you know those things that are neither objectively perfect nor unproblematic yet you love them and are attached to them anyway? Yeah, this is me with SJM’s writing. See, I been with Sarah and Throne of Glass since March of 2015 and with ACOTAR since the summer of 2015 when I was 13 and honestly, ACOTAR in particular occupied a decent portion of my formative teen years. Eventually, when I was about 16 I sort of ended up getting distracted from YA books and went into my thot and kpop era. A main reason for this is that I found ACOFAS particularly disenchanting. This ain’t about that book (sigh) but let’s just say as much as I was still attached to and in love with the ACOTAR world, I was still able to get very annoyed by the decreased quality of the writing and also the evident projecting Sarah was doing onto Feyre with regards to her own life and experiences (ahem). No, the lack of developed POC in the book had nothing to do with it ironically.

So basically, since the spring of 2018 I haven’t read any SJM yet I never fell out of love with the books either. I’ve sworn off TOG after whatever the hell EOS was, but ACOTAR was always more special and close to my heart by tenfold, honestly. See, the best day of my 2016 was the day I found out ACOTAR was getting the extra 3 novels and 2 novellas. ACOFAS was a dumpster fire but I was actually surprised to really, really enjoy A Court of Silver Flames while it obviously has a couple (multiple) sus facets to it. The susness aside, I thoroughly felt at home reading Nesta’s book despite how irrational that might sound. No, I’m not here to say the book was objectively good but I’m here to say I still enjoyed it despite my love-hate relationship with SJM and her writing. :( :( :(

That being said imma still roast tf out of a couple aspects of it. :)

*the susness*

Aight wbk that SJM like, projects a lot onto feyrhys right. I’m not even gonna deny it. Like as horrible as it sounds, when feyrhys were, like, struggling as a couple and shit in ACOMAF, that’s when I loved them the most but then the shitstorm that was ACOWAR hit and they couldn’t go without boning every two seconds or calling each other mates and shit and basically every character in the book started kissing their asses (except Nesta) to the point where they were infallibly good and powerful and everyone’s heads were lodged up their asses... I got PISSED OFF then, right.

Now, in ACOSF (is that correct?), they were side characters and, gratefully, that romance between them was toned down. But here are some things concerning feyrhys and the Court of Dreams that irked tf out of me, and the implications that they had for Nesta (who is perhaps one of the baddest bitches ever) had me feeling homicidal towards the IC:

Every single time Nesta said shit about Rhys and then Cassian got mad I wanted to SCREAM like yooo let her roast tf out of him like yeah I get Rhys lowkey did a lot for her both directly and indirectly but cmoooooon not everyone needs to be riding his dick like the man HATED Nesta from the get-go. I loved the idea that someone in the book lowkey abhors Rhys just for the TEA it gave me. Like yeah, okay Cassian, I get that he’s your bro but he can SUCK NESTA’S DICK also like my girl is a DEATH GOD.

Here me out: the Inner Circle completely dehumanized Nesta, they completely disregarded her personal autonomy and caged her in which is ironically the very behavior that was villainized when Tamlin did it to Feyre. First of all they restricted her movement, they made decisions FOR her, they withheld from her knowledge about her own powers, they decided what’s best for her and acted like she was a rabid dog the entire time. Only Cassian and Azriel seem more blameless in this regard, but the level of scorn and abohorence and moralizing Feyre, Elain, Rhys, Amren and Mor did towards Nes made my blood boil. At the end of the day, the Inner Circle did the VERY THING they hated being done to Feyre. Whatever happened to the freedom they professed? The autonomy they decided all members of their court deserved? That was all bullshit, or was this switch-up SJM’s way of creating justifiable conflict between Nesta and the Inner Circle... either way, there was no closure about this and the way they dictated Nesta’s behavior whilst completely mistreating her imo.

More on Nesta’s treatment - okay listen the way the narrative had every character acting like Nesta was fricking scum and for WHAT??? Okay, she didn’t hunt when Feyre and they were poor, she was bitchy, she hates the Fae... okay, why is Nesta still being punished for her mistakes like this by the Court? Does their forgiveness only apply to those in their clique? They’re acting like her drinking and sleeping around and her general bitchy behavior is sooooo toxic when they ALL coped with their respective trauma in questionable ways in their centuries of living. And the narrative never condemned them for this behavior either... like cmon they had an “intervention” about Nesta like if she needed to reach a certain moral standing to be lovable or something. Seems to me that only Cassian was willing to love her, bruises and all... “There’s nothing broken to be fixed. You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much - and perhaps hurt others too”. But as beautiful as that it, it seems the IC see Nesta’s healing as her “redemption arc” when I never saw her as a villain or monster to begin with. They acted like she had to become deserving of their acceptance. Bullshit.

No cus more on this... Cassian is the only person who defended Nesta, the only person that wanted to help her heal and grow when everyone else wanted to fix her. He was the only person who was kind to her from the original trilogy (i.e. not counting Emerie and Gwyn). He stood up for her and I’ll gush about them in the next section, but the dynamic between Nesta and the IC was the least enjoyable aspect of the book for me. It was clear SJM wanted to spur Nesta towards the path to healing yet only figured out how to do so whilst only keeping feyrhys as the nucleus of this arc, and so she had them force Nesta into her “special journey” (because she loves them so much, cus they’re sooooo perfect right *rolls eye*), yet, the narrative didn’t quite condemn them for their toxicity towards Nesta at ALL, even towards the end. The good thing is that Nesta did not become an ass-kisser throughout the story and laud them for “helping her” every waking second. Only Cassian didn’t shun her for her inner negativity but embraced her. And Az was pretty cool too, can’t hate him.

Ahem, the ending: okay, I’m not even capping, but I hated that Nesta lost her power for feyrhys. I get that she genuinely did it out of love and shit and I’m not even gonna lie, the thought of feyrhys dying had me on the verge of tears cus as much as I hate them, I also love those bitches. Yet, the culmination of Nesta’s power was, what?, to save feyrhys. This way, the narrative put Feyre at the center of Nesta’s narrative towards the end. And Nesta lost that Death God power that she basically EARNED in that Cauldron. This is the biggest flaw of the story. She fought against her own power to give it up... for Feyre. Like??? What??? Why was that baby arc even necessary????? Why was Nesta giving up her power necessary to fulfil her healing arc which was the POINT of the book??? Like what?????? It left a sour taste in my mouth. No- an abhorrent acidic bitter taste in my mouth.

Elain. I CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL. She completely abandoned Nesta and for WHAT??? For Feyre??? This only served to reiterate from the narrative’s POV that Nesta was scum and again, idk WHY. And also, why tf does this girl mistreat Lucien like this??? LUCIEN AKA MY FAVORITE CHARACTER???

I just don’t get how the narrative reiterated that Tamlin is the worst of the worst when you got Rhys hiding shit from Feyre, hiding knowledge of Nesta’s power from Nesta, all of that. Like, was the entire point of ACOMAF not for Feyre to embrace her power and become her best self? Rhys never for one second tolerated withholding Feyre’s power from her. So why tf does this apply to Nesta? Cus she’s unhealthy? Okay... so what??? Why villainize her like this and imply she’s undeserving of her power and a waste of life??? I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN LIKE WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??? What did my girl do that was sooooo bad that yall needed to treat her like this. Tell me why feyre and amren and varian and rhys all acted like Tamlin in this book. Cardi voice WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS CUS THEY ACTED LIKE THE FRICKING MORALISING SYCHOPHANTS THEY CLAIM TO HATE.

Like bitch??? They’re like those youth pastors that reiterate how broken and messed up people with mental illness are? Acted like Nesta screwing guys was the worst thing ever when they should have embraced her? Like I get she would push them away but really??? “Waste of life”???

So we gon gloss over how Amren was insisting Nesta shut up about the baby business to Feyre (aka hiding shit from her)? How she was implying that Rhys should conquer all of Prythian? Hear me out, even as someone from a Caribbean country that was colonized by the whites, it actually doesn’t bother me when the theme of conquest comes up, like, this is a fantasy novel and colonization does not exist within the same context for me. That being said, like, it felt as if the narrative telling me lil Rhysie is just sooooo perfect that he needs to be High King. Like, I respect the fact that Rhys has no wish to do so. Homeboy never seemed to care for conquest beyond ensuring his Court’s prowess and safety so WHAT WAS THE REASON AMREN??? Like? What kinda crack was Amren on this entire book???

The worldbuilding... listen, the politics and history felt all over the place, felt incoherent and flat honestly. Didn’t bother me as much as it did in ACOWAR but it was just *meh*, not good. Not horrible, but not great. I preferred the world when it was directly the result of Beauty and the Beat and East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

The Fae have lost their *magic*: no cus what I loved about the first book was that the Fae were one with the Courts and felt very fleshed out in terms of their powers and shit, but now only Eric and Lucien and Tamlin and sometimes Rhys have that same magic for me. Like... the sensuality of the Fae in terms of their actual Celtic roots, that which felt whimsical and immersive in the first book, feels lost to me. I can’t explain it but I feel less nuance and orthodoxy in their portrayal. However, I DID love this one line featuring none other than the loml : “Amid the pink and white blossoms, the cold-faced Autumn Court heir looked truly faerie - as if he’d stepped out of the tree, and his one and only master was the earth itself”. LIKE I SALIVATED THAT IS MY MAN.

*good stuffs*

Okay let’s talk about the smut like I didn’t like the word choice as usual like quit with the euphemisms and say cock and goooooo. That being said like, okay, I like how she set up the physical dynamic between Nesta and Cassian cus the sex wasn’t some big romantic climactic build-up like how it was in acomaf like they were being NASTY from the get-go and I respect that drip. Like she did not cap on how porny the smut was and thank God it wasn’t some cliche romantic honeymoon type shit, like it was almost on the ao3 level of smutty goodness. All it was was missing was coarse language and hard kinks but in general, I liked the Nessian smut in this book more than the feyrhys smut in particularly ACOWAR and ACOFAS, like Nessian just do not cap.

Listen... you see that whole part when Nesta was like imagining how awesome it would be to dance Lucifer’s Bachata with Az and Cassian? Yeah, my girl just let her thoughts run wild. Like Nesta makes Feyre look naïve. Like you know how Tumblr porn in 2016 used to be with the aesthetic type shit? That’s Feyre, but Nesta is like on Pornhub level and it’s so fitting I was YELLIN lowkey. I feel like less importance was placed on how meaningful the sex and shit should be in the book and I respect that.

YOU SEE WHEN NESTA TOLD FEYRE ABOUT THE BABY!!! I WAS CHEERING HER ON. No cause they were being so nasty to Nesta especially Amren and then Feyre entered with all of her moralising shit like honey you KNOW damn well what you’re doing to Nesta is what you hate being done to you. Like damn right tell her, cus I could not STAND the double standard.

The whole training the women thing was a nice touch. It was kinda corny but also sweet. That being said, I laughed so hard when I realized how this entire book was Nesta’s quarter-life hippie rebirth where she learns to meditate and work out and read romance books and face her inner demons like this is some real New York college shit. All that was missing was a Starbucks.

Cassian. Man I love this man so much. No like he displayed peak dilf behavior. I think his attractiveness isn’t based on his bravery or his hotness but his humility man. Like he’s not a thot, he’s respectful, yet tough, yet contemplative. He’s contented with his life station yet wants to always be a better person yet is such a strong rock who really loves Nesta not despite her flaws but because they are part of her. I love the way he stood up to Rhys a lot, he didn’t shame her when she was awful to him, and he is protective (annoyingly so sometimes) but he really wanted her to empower herself. Their relationship isn’t perfect (I’m not in the mood to dissect the problematic aspects rn) but they were so sweet together and I didn’t expect to like them as much as I did back when they were lowkey a thing in ACOMAF.

The mates thing didn’t bother me cus I saw this shit coming since 2016. Yes, it’s cliche and annoying but the mates status also, like, has no meaning to me so it is what it is. Didn’t think they NEEDED to be mates but I was happy that them being mates wasn’t the core of the novel and it was secondary to Nesta’s individual healing journey.

Prepare for me to get sappy but another reason why I loved this novel was because it was a story of healing. :( :( :( The road to healing and growth in the emotional sense is always beautiful to me despite how flawed it often is when SJM writes it. I just felt really immersed in the emotional woes and eventual growth of Nesta despite my issues with the book and this is perhaps one of the main reasons that I found it beautiful, because healing as a theme is always beautiful and raw.

More of Nessian but like their relationship feels so real and raw too. No, cus like, it wasn’t tinged in as much fictitious idealism as feyrhys’ relationship was. They weren’t all stupidly in love and seeing each other in the universe and shit, like they just made each other happy and weren’t portrayed as the perfect soulmates who were each other’s yin and yang and whatever thank the LORD. Them having each other’s back was enough and ughhhh Cassian was just so sweet and such a good trainer and so aloof yet passionate like I been waiting to see more of him since ACOMAF so yayyy.

Okay... that scene where Rhys kneels to Nesta and she embraces him. yes. YES YES YES YES YES that shit was the shit that made my year like I want this man to be in her debt for the end of time like this hoe saved yall like big strong high lord better bow to the “witch” like I could hear angelic choirs at that scene like Rhys doesn’t just yield to people so easily so like, it was just kinda epic okay. Little bitchass Rhys with his perfect little river house and emo boi clothes stfu hoe.

No cus I love how Nesta told Cassian she didn’t wanna hear about Feyre’s special journey or Rhys’s special journey or Mor’s like I got fed up of people acting like they epitomized “good” and the “good path” to self-discovery when they can choke on a baguette as far as I am concerned.

*shit no one except me probs cares about*

Eris. So here is the thing. Since 2015 in ACOTAR when Eris was Under the Mountain being all red-headed and cunning and sexy and evil I have been obsessed with him... well, the idea of him I had in my head and how delectably abhorrent he seems (I like villains and side-characters okay). Maybe it was just his name (Eris is a hot name shut up) or the idea of a rich, cunning fox-faced prince in the same universe appealed to me. Either way, I actually never expected by favorite cameo-character to become... important. I’ll die on the hill of loving him. Here is the thing... I don’t want him to be good, in the same way I did not want Rhys to be a good guy in ACOTAR either. I don’t need him to be a secret angel, I don’t need him to be sweet and good like Rhys always was apparently. Honestly, I want him corrupt but likeable and pertinent to the story. That being said, I really want him as the main character for one of the upcoming novels sooo bad like please PLEASE let me see the autumn court and it’s two-facedness please like if not Eris then Lucien as the main character please.

Lucien... aka my fave character since the first book man. Mannn, SJM does homeboy so dirty like I have always loved Russian fables and hence, I am so ready for Lucien x Vassa x Jurian in the Vasilisa retelling with the firebird trope and Koshei. NO CUS in 2018 I was finna write a 100k word fic about this but then I forgot about it no cap, I still have the story plan in my Onenote actually but let us not reminisce. See, my ao3-loving ass wants an angsty poly relationship and also a hot Koshei I have been waiting YEARS for this you hoes, ever since Elain got the premonition of Vassa as a firebird in ACOWAR like God please please please give it to me and make it feyrhys-less as well yasss.

I lowkey wanna suspect Eris is gay and Mor, also gay, knows and that’s why she lowkey kinda tolerates him now. Yet, I cannot be sure and yeah I just wanna say that I kinda want that arc lmfaooo (my ao3-self is showing shut up).

No cus I was TEASED by only seeing a glimpse of Vassa and Jurian but THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR TIME I KNOW IT.

Tamlin living as a beast is so interesting to me. He’s a side-character now but ughhhh he was so mystical and interesting as our good ole Beauty and the Beast beastie like it’s sooooo mysterious and alluring how he’s becoming his own villainous legend like I still care about Tamlin’s blond ass self despite everything.

Give us the snowball fight scene you coward.

I just gotta say Nessian could outsmut Feyrhys any day and that makes me proud.

FRICKING AZRIEL like first of all Mor doesn’t NEED to come out until she’s ready but she gotta let the man down nicely some other way so he can move on. I do not like Elain. Never did. I still do not. I do not, frankly, want a whole novel where she and Azriel fall in love and she rejects Lucien like... okay, I DO want her to reject Lucien so he can be with Vassa at the very least but also I am not interested in Elain’s POV rn. BUT I WANT AZ’S POV AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I WANT MY EMO BOI TO BE HAPPY. This is so frustrating cus Az is a walking DILF right and so, what am I supposed to do now.

I kinda miss the Spring Court just a little. It’s pretty shut up. It got that Zuhair Murad fashion too.

Umm like, what the hell is up with that business with Helion being Lucien’s dad? We need more on this which is why I want a Lucien POV book goddammit.

Yoooooooo yall remember that bitch from ACOWAR who hybern was finna kill and she had a name and everything and then there was some foreshadowing and shit? What’s up with her? Like I can’t even remember her name lowkey but yeah what’s up with that. Was it something like Briar or Briannon or somthing???

Is Mor getting a book? Like deadass I need the Lucien and Vassa book, I need the Eris book, I need the Mor book and I need the Azriel book. Damn. Been waiting 6 years for some of this shit.

Okay that is all for now. Yes, this book has problematic elements at every level but I still loved it yet also hated some things about it. I won’t read House of Blood and Earth nor will I finish the TOG series but I guess I’ll stick with this series which remains near and dear to my soul despite what people gotta say about it. It made me happy and that’s what matters. Nesta is a huge ass inspiration to me as a character and I still wanna see her make the Inner Circle’s life a living hell uwu. I admittedly got HELLA emotional reading this story because it’s nonetheless super meaningful to me even at age 19 and it’s really powerful for me as a comfort book, and I look forward (a little) to what this woman put out next... sort of.

Signing off! Don’t @ me (okay you CAN @ me but idc).

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adultingautistic · 4 years

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Is it possible that I’m still autistic if I stopped doing a bunch of things that used to bother me a lot? Like I used to inspect all my grapes before eating them, inspect every cup to make sure it was clean, I wouldn’t eat mashed potatoes that weren’t completely mashed, I used to hold my ears and avoid getting out of cars when trucks went by, I was horrified of loud and sudden noises, I had a lot of autistic traits when I was younger and I just don’t do them now. Idk if I’m just masking

A person doesn’t stop being autistic. If you were autistic as a child, you are autistic now.

That doesn’t mean a person doesn’t change. People grow up! Tolerance levels shift- they can shift in either direction. When I was a kid, I thought broccoli tasted like poison. Now as an adult, I like it! I am not less autistic because my tolerances have changed.

Masking can absolutely play a role. There were many autistic behaviors I did as a child that I learned to stop doing because they got me in trouble. One of them was spinning in equal directions. If I made a right turn, then I absolutely had to make a left turn to “balance it out”. This led to me keeping track of how many right turns and left turns I’d made throughout the day, and let me tell you, it was exhausting. When my father told me to “stop doing that or they’ll institutionalize you” (not the best parenting there, dad), the fear made me force myself to remain “unbalanced”. It felt awful. I definitely cried. I definitely was so distracted by resisting the “balance turn” that I couldn’t focus on anything else. But then I came up with the idea that “If sleeping can ‘reset’ me back to zero, then why can’t other things?” So I thought ‘maybe I don’t reset every time I sleep, maybe I reset every hour’ and that helped. Then I realized I could reset every minute. Then I realized I could reset every second. And if I could reset every second, that was the same as not counting turns. And I was free.

Even as an adult, even once I learned to completely remove my mask, this behavior has never come back. I don’t want it to- it was detrimental to me, and served no good purpose other than to raise my anxiety levels. Am I ‘less autistic’ because I have lost this behavior? Not at all. My brain is still constructed in a way that I understand this behavior, I have experienced it, and that is not allistic.

So for you, you were able to overcome your need for “perfect” food- because overcoming this benefits you! It’s not detrimental to you to be able to eat grapes with spots, it helps you, so once you were able to do it, you kept on doing it! Some autisitc behaviors are beneficial to us (stimming, which regulates emotions, is very beneficial), but some are detrimental, and if you learn to remove the detrimental behaviors, there is no reason to return to them.

So you have built up your tolerances towards things that as a child you couldn’t handle, which is great, as long as it helps you. It’s also possible that loud sounds still bother you as much as they always did, and adult you would be much happier and less stressed if you were able to cover your ears- but you don’t, because you know it’s socially unacceptable, so you bear it. This is masking.

Only you can tell whether you are masking, or whether you have actually changed. Either way, you are autistic, because if you weren’t, you never would have had these behaviors in the first place.

But “autism is lifelong” does not mean “autistic people don’t change”. Of course we do! Living changes people! We change and grow and become different over time, just like anyone else. The difference is the way we change, which is not always in the way allistics want us to, and not always in the way we want ourselves to, either. Change is an inevitable part of living, and we only have a certain amount of control over it, which is never 100%.

#ask #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #growing up #changing

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movedthechangingman · 4 years

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(1) I am watching atla for the first time and I know why zuko redemption worked while other’s (kylo, catara) failed, Zuko always has honor and was shown to care and make good decisions and be a good person even at his lowest points, like when he cared about his crew or tried to help and save a little kid even though the family and the kid ended up rejecting him, he never did something outrageous and he had time to learn and sort out his feelings before making a turn around and join the gang

putting this under a cut!

(2) azuko always acted upon what he believed was the right thing, once he was exposed to the outer world he learned how awful the fire nation was and the chain of abuse he was living in, he by himself made the decision and has 2 season in order to redeem himself while characters like Cassandra (tangled) and Catra had seasons of upping the stakes and acting more and more awful each time and only one season where the narrative are like “they were under someone else control and they were abused” (3) “so they nice blonde best friend who acts more like their sister and who they were abusing and victim blaming has to forgive them for everything bad they did because they were uwu abused too” and it seems many people like that which fine, if this was characterized as a delicate situation, where it could turns bad, which could turn to be even toxic, I wouldn’t have a problem with, but it is framed as beautiful and as good and as “true love!” (4) without the main aggressors Catra and Cassandra putting as much in their relationship as their blonde counterpart Adora and Raps who are forced to act as a matyr till they get fed up with their friends abuse and toxicity and put their foot down yet they always end up forgiving their abuser’s transgressions by the end somehow, it seems like the classic tale of “if he pulls your hair or means he likes you” which it’s most similar to (5) To the honeymoon or the reconciliation stage of an abusive relationship cycle’s, nothing assures you that the abuse won’t continue on but they sell it out as this wonderful and beautiful love story which it’s plain wrong, and I feel that it doesn’t receives as muy flack because it’s F/F but in reality in a relationship one has to be consistently good and reliable and as a bisexual women I feel like they are doing a disservice and it’s worse because it’s directed towards kids (5) and lastly both Wlw parings were being either outright mentioned or hinted at by the show or crew as this characters having a “sister bound” with Cassandra and Rapunzel Being outright being described as sisters in the show and Catara and Adora being described as that by the crew and with them growing having the same motherly figure and having a clear case of golden and scapegoat child, which coupled with the abuse they suffered at hands of their paternal figure and at each other hands makes the situation very gross

i have never seen ATLA outside of the first 3 eps but that is the general consensus ive heard. i have also never seen rapunzel TAS but i watched/read a bunch of spoiler stuff for it but i think my understanding is still loose. i also heard that he wasnt a villain very long idk how true that is though. but youre right from what im reading! i think it is important for your character to have an appropriate amount of time to make up for their actions... its also important with these redemption stories for the character to address the things they did, like not a “sorry for the things or whatever” but “i am sorry i did x , x, and x” etc IMO and there needs to be work put into making things right. and the victim should not necessarily be the one pushing them through that...

like i can say for certain if c*tra was a dude there would be a HUGE discourse about the fact that yeah, she really is that “mean because they have a crush on you” BS and whats most horrifying is that it seems like noelle saw NO problem with how she portrayed that relationship and all the guilt and suffering adra went through bc of ctra was really supposed to be romantic. fcking insane. like if it was just a fandom ship w.e.... ppl always gonna ship characters if they hate eachohter... but the actual creators saying its romantic is SO WTF abuse isnt negated by it being el gee bee tee rep and whats awful is i think people REALLY believe it is. not to mention uh your WLW love interest being an physically + emotionally volatile fascist who canonically does not care that she goes out to her way to aid violent takeover of innocents for a dictatorship is already like. huh.

(i mentioned also like even seagawk and mermista - her constant “uuuugh youre so annoying” about him is supposed to be cute apparently.... like noelle posted a pic of her in a shirt that says “im with stupid” pointing at seahawk and... like... that would be funny if they had healthy communication and she didnt seriously treat him like he was an idiot 24/7... but if this was reversed it would be a huge problem and everyone would flip out.)

i never thought catra and adora were written very sisterly since its undeniable that there was a clear attraction between them in the early part of the show but holy fck if the crew did say that.... ugh... although i agree it is really skeevy that their plot revolves around an abusive mother which i feel inforces the “adoptive siblings arent real siblings” pseudo incest trope as much as i think the interactions between catra and adora were not sisterly in how they were written. if that makes sense

i hate to bring up SU but i think it covers this topic really well w spinel - whos so toxic she literally poisoned people - while steven does set her on her path, he does not make himself responsible for her redemption. we get a snippet of that later ofc - where we see that she is trying to become better while also helping the other abusive characters through their change (which we also see is still ongoing - those behaviors havent been fully unlearned - nothing can be fixed that quickly). and most notably the victim (steven) while tolerating them through their attempts at change and encouraging them, does not forgive them and makes an open effort to distance himself even while his abusers still want him to help them 24/7.

whats bothering me the most is not that ppl enjoy these ships bc no matter what people will and you cant stop them but rather that ppl refuse to admit that something they like is abusive - either bc they want to save face as a unproblematic fandom blogger or bc they are 100% unwilling to take critique on something they like, to the point where now ppl wont accept any criticism on she ra at all as a show even if it has nothing to do w the awful excuse for romance.

#Anonymous #iggyanswers #abuse tw -/////

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wildxwired · 5 years

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I have straight friends who don't feel welcome in the fandom and don't even want to watch the show now because they feel like they're not allowed to enjoy it unless they can connect with it on a sexuality level. I have queer friends who hate how everyone is acting because how are allies going to exist if this behavior exists? They hate that others are giving them a bad reputation. I'm sick of just about everything related to this fandom. (2)

I don't know how Dan Levy is supposed to teach the world about acceptance and tolerance if some people don't feel welcome to the show or if a large portion of the fandom is perpetuating hate. I think everyone should do a simple test before they post something: replace the word you're against with a word that applies to you. Would you like it if that sentence was hurled at you? Do you suddenly find your statement offensive and wrong? (3)

I'm sorry I'm too afraid to publicly support you. I love your fics. I love your insta edits. I especially love that you're not posting hypocritical crap like so many others. I'm sorry you got so much hate recently. Whether or not I agree with your love of rpf, I know you didn't deserve it. I wish we could all get along and practice what Dan preaches. But certain people are just never going to realize that they're doing wrong. So I'm probably going to keep watching the show and drop the fandom. 4

I didn’t even realise I had anons turned off, but with this fandom that’s probably a good thing! I’m not a big fan of keyboard warriors.

Nobody should feel unwelcome in this fandom except homophobes/racists etc. This is suppose to be a place for everyone with all their different likes and loves and opinions.

Allies are super important. Challenging views and getting people outside of the lgbtq communities into this show is one of the main reasons Dan made the damn thing. Sure, queer people may relate to it on a more personal level, but it is not ours to snatch away from everyone else.

YES on your point in the third ask! I come from a hella racist and segregated home town (don’t live there anymore thank god) but I always used to say to people “replace the word *different religion* with ‘Jew’ and ask yourself: do I sound like a fucking nazi?” When people are so adamant on their hate, they forget to take a step back.

Hey, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t expect you to open yourself to hate. You have your happiness to consider. Fandom can massively fuck with your mental health sometimes so breaks are important, but try not to give up on it completely.

I don’t particularly *love* RPF or massively ship any current RP pairings. I just don’t like the hate and the BS flying around the place. You can disagree with something and voice that concern without being a massive A hole about it yknow? My issue was never people not liking RPF just people dishing out so much hate.

I’m not one of those “block me if we have different opinions!” accounts and I never will be. There’s a lot of shit in this world as it is so *shrug* idk just try to be a good person.

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flockofdoves · 5 years

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literally so grateful i just found this???? this has been a huge wall in front of me these past few days since realizing how much disordered eating over the past few months has affected me, having to start entirely reevaluating how i’ve been approaching my relationship with food in the name of not neglecting my chronic illness stuff and how that exact same attitude of trying to make myself better actually just made me fuck up my digestive tract by avoiding certain foods (and food in general bc theres so much its so overwhelming and also now i’m too nauseous and weak to have an appetite!) and by extension make my chronic illness worse. and then now reading about refeeding i was worried because so much refeeding stuff seems to recommend a lot of dairy products and i even before these last few months dairy hasn’t been good for me for over a year (although not just lactose i was thinking it was casein too but also like . lol idk maybe its just another one of the phenomena thats talked about here) and wasn’t sure how to balance that when avoidance of foods i see as triggers for health got me here in the first place and at this point literally anything is gonna be too much for my gut and i gotta tough through that

uhhhh turned into a rant/vent about things unrelated to the article under this

kinda distressing though tbh to think about what IBS even like . Means . lol like it does make sense to see it more as a small part of the bigger picture of all my stuff and how my nerves and shit or w/e are wired as someone labeled in contemporary times as/with autistic/adhd/ocd/schizo/anxiety/fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and its comforting to see it more as a symptom of how i can easily get out of wack from there instead of just. eternally always bad (although i was getting okay with that too like i value parts of myself enough i could deal with that being reality without too much mourning beyond how i have no accommodation under capitalism. but still this is better than that even) but its weird finding ways of saying i don’t have to lean into it too much that don’t kinda just trigger me thinking about doctors/peers/etc whove more just saw me as a burden and didn’t care to listen to me before dismissing things as all in my head thus i was exaggerating and not deserving of compassion/care/etc. i know i don’t mean that towards myself but the nuance is a lot to deal with after so recently having that used to hurt me all over again and then in trying to take care of myself actually hurting myself worse. so that adds a weird layer to things i hope i won’t get a complex about lolol but also i guess thats cool i don’t have to beat myself up for not sticking to a fodmap free diet or deciding it wasn’t worth trying to see if i had a gluten intolerance because the food i’d be avoiding would make me more upset than any pain i deal with. like ... whoa.. i wasn’t actually being unreasonable or ridiculous when i thought that or being self destructive?? and i started considering otherwise when i now realize i was already dealing with ED symptom stuff so like . i can tolerate most foods i think at least some of the time??

really curious if i can regain my lactose tolerance considering i only starting being intolerant in the past year so it wasn’t a primary lactose intolerance thing maybe?? and i had some on and off symptoms of my current behaviors that lead to this that whole time so that’d be really cool actually lol i miss just being able to enjoy dairy products (and in retrospect my aversion to even tasting them even with lactaid pills or somethign definitely was liek...... disordered eating stuff lol)

also curious if my ED stuff had anything to do with my tremors or brain fog getting worse. i defintiely think at least somewhat like yeah. the timeframe makes sense. idk if thats the primary reason for those symptoms because i’ve had them at various points in my life in that combination but the recent upsurge in them and also the fact that most of those days were right after really bad nausea days and also how today i realized i was tremoring a lot in ways i directly associated with feeling weak because of trying to deal with ED related stuff i think that definitely will at least become less constant of a problem in getting over this. those are all symptoms i exhibit in various contexts with various physical and emotional pressures so i don’t think thats their only cause but i think that really does make me so much less worried about why the hell i’ve gotten so much worse so suddenly

scared about how long this will take i feel like i’ve only really had my eating become consistently disordered over the past couple months but idk i’ve had weird episodes for ages and if i really didn’t recognize this was even a problem til right this week idk if i’m thinking back accurately enough. its definitely worse in that period though bc my doctor 2 months ago (also wait... i guess that means its been even longer lol?? no way i lost that all in the couple weeks i really can look back and see my behavior as disordered before that appointment) remarked i lost like 15 pounds since my last visit 3 months ago (they also remarked like that was a good thing lol.) so i guess i’ll keep figuring that out its wild though reading that apparently just getting your stomach back to normal can take at least 2 months like it makes sense but like . jeez. hard to process that i did that and didn’t realize i’d like to think i’ve become so much more in tune with my body these past few years but i guess i’m not doing it the right way even if i’m glad i no longer just stay quiet and tough things out while suffering and dismissing it with no idea whats going on or why and feeling too ashamed and guilty to make it anyone elses problem and not pushing back when others dismiss the slightest thing i bring up. but yeah like i did a lot more than i thought i did with this but also i’m glad i caught it so early i feel almost too weird about saying i have an eating disorder like its like i acknowledged that this week and now i’m trying to recover so. thats good. idk i’ll see i’m sure i have a lot to learn and that kinda sucks i had enough to deal with already without this as a factor but!!!!

#cpost #ed -#disordered eating -#eating disorders -#food text -

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xox-hitorabu-xox · 5 years

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Even as theories, they look too weak imo. Just because Mikage had a crush on Izaya it means she has a chance with him? I will always have special feelings for my ex-lovers or crushes, doesn't mean I still have a chance with them or I'd want to. Mikage moved on and turned those feels into something else. He tolerates him as a human being, so...? That's not something that mindblowing. Their past together... not as lovers. She had a crush, he involved her in some shit like he did with many (1)

other people. The novels just imply she had a crush on him, not that they were ex-lovers. No one ever said anything like that, the rape thing was just a bad taste sexual joke in Narita style (that could’ve been avoided). Idk, nothing of this is too deep or life changing for Izaya. I don’s ship anything with him because I’m not looking for that kind of resolution for his character. I want him to stand up from that damn chair, get physical and psychological therapy and find happiness within himself. The rest as in an hypothetical situation were he finds a love interest should stay out of canon because it’s not really necessary for him (or for anyone else really, but Narita just had to pair everyone up, ugh). If I have to be completely honest, many of Izaya’s relationships (some more than others and sorry but there is nothing really unique in Izaya and Mikage), if properly developed, would have a great potential as romantic ships, the problem is the will of the author and that is gonna be the most wasted potential of all times. Judging by the way Narita chooses his canon pairings and how all of them are so boring and uninteresting, I’m not surprised that he won’t be able to see quality stuff where it is. And yeah, I’m specifically talking about Shinzaya, Shizaya and Izamika (as in Izaya x Mikado). The relationships that had most impact in Izaya’s life and where some behaviors, even toxic ones, can be easily seen as something else. Sorry, but people like Mikage, Kida, Namie, Shiki don’t seem to have a mindblowing influence in Izaya’s existence and life choices. It’d made more sense for him to end up with someone who turned upside down his world, that had a huge impact on his actions and mindset rather than with one who doesn’t have such a big role. I repeat no ship should turn canon, it’s not needed and btw I’m not looking for romance for Izaya, he doesn’t even need a lover in canon, but personal resolution… and possibly a cat u.u (5)

…

“She tolerates him as a human being, so…? That’s not something that mindblowing. Their past together… not as lovers. She had a crush, he involved her in some shit like he did with many”

None of us, not even you, know the extent of what happened between Izaya and Mikage. I mean Izaya got Shinra involved in shit and stabbed, but there was a lot more to it than just that when the truth came out. I personally believe Narita must be keeping Izaya’s and Mikage’s past from us for a pretty big reason, and there’s no telling for sure just how vital/important Mikage actually is to Izaya, but I personally like to believe that Izaya probably does care for her in some sense.

“the rape thing was just a bad taste sexual joke in Narita style (that could’ve been avoided)”

Well, at least we agree on that much, because honestly, I refuse to believe Izaya would ever do such a thing and I’m glad that he at least says that he didn’t secondhand her/have sex with her against her own will.

“Mikage moved on and turned those feels into something else.”

- First off, that’s your theory just as much as her still having feelings for him is mine. There’s no way to prove that she doesn’t. Even when Izaya says she probably hates him, she never once confirms that she doesn’t have feelings for him, but instead calls him addictive, instead states that she has fondness for his fair nature in comparison to others who are superficial; instead says that his “poison” “helped” her even if it hurt others.

We still don’t even know what Izaya’s past is, we still don’t know their whole story, so none of us can say anything for sure.

“Sorry, but people like Mikage, Kida, Namie, Shiki don’t seem to have a mindblowing influence in Izaya’s existence and life choices.“

I won’t deny the others, but, again, given that Mikage’s and Izaya’s past has remained a secret for a long time, there’s no telling for sure, how influential Mikage is or was over Izaya’s development or just what happened between them. That’s you assuming Izaya’s feelings and thoughts, even though Narita rarely ever has Izaya’s thoughts on certain individuals in a direct way.

“I’m not surprised that he won’t be able to see quality stuff where it is. And yeah, I’m specifically talking about Shinzaya, Shizaya and Izamika (as in Izaya x Mikado)“

Excuse me, but just a minute ago you were saying you ship him with nobody but himself, yet now you’re turning around and naming off pairings just to put down my ship which has a much smaller fanbase and is easily targeted by the bigger fanbases. Quite frankly, I think that’s petty of you to even bring up.

You were saying that Izaya is better off alone, but then you brought up ships, saying that Narita should have acknowledged the potential of those pairings. You’re countering your original point, anon, by even saying the author himself doesn’t know “quality” pairings and that there are people Izaya would be good with. I ship Shizaya and especially Shinzaya, and slightly IzaMika, so I’m not saying this as an anti or in any attempt to bash these pairings, but I am the type who acknowledges flaws in these pairings, and since you’re going out of the way to put down my theories and pairings and basically trying to say my theories, which I’ve put a lot of hard work into writing down in the past, is meaningless, I’m going to point out some of your logic flaws.

If we’re being completely factual, I think I should mention that Narita basically said on twitter that Izaya is not gay and has a normal sex drive, so all malexmale pairings with Izaya, I guess, is automatically counted as unrealistic, but if we look beyond that and want to get into more depth.

1. Unlike ShinraxCelty, MikadoxAnri, MasaomixSaki, KasukaxRuri and all the mutual canon pairings in Durarara!!, Shizaya would be abusive as hell, and for somebody who is saying stuff like “I will always have special feelings for my ex-lovers or crushes, doesn’t mean I still have a chance with them or I’d want to.” and fussing at me for supposedly trying to turn something into something it’s not, you’re sure making a SWELL point, given that Shizuo and Izaya literally hate each others’ guts and hates every single thing about the other, versus Mikage, who is implied to have had feelings for Izaya, and Izaya who was stated to be physically attracted to her, and both loving/admiring certain traits about the other’s personality/character, actually showing some kind of interest in one another,

Shizuo and Izaya shows no physical or emotional interest in each other, and they only bring out the worst in one another, where as with all the other pairings, (Like Shinra with Celty, or Ruri with Kasuka) they bring out the humanity and kindness in one another, despite how twisted they are, and if we’re going on about rare pairings, honestly ShizuoxCelty or ShizuoxVorona would be less toxic than Shizaya(Not that I’m really into Shizurona too much).

(What really bugs me is when some people here on tumblr twists canon out of proportion to the point of trying to portray Izaya’s hate for Shizuo as love and say it literally IS canon(it’s fine to ship them, I do, but I acknowledge that their relationship would not be quality for the story.) You have no clue how painful it can be to hate another person and to put two people like that together would be just wrong on so many levels in canon). I don’t see potential for them as a canon pairing, because, in canon, their dynamic is much better as a rivalry as Narita has outright stated it is in tweets. There is no subtext to back it up as a canon pairing, because they only hate.

2. Shinzaya was my first OTP in this series because I absolutely LOVE their dynamic, but even I have to admit it is better as friendship and an unrequited thing only for canon, since Shinra is kind of an asshole to Izaya.(Though I hope Izaya comes back and mends his friendship with Shinra)

3. IzaMika is a little… odd because of the age difference, but I admit their friendship definitely has a LOT of potential to become something, given that Narita has said that Mikado is the only one that Izaya has contacted since leaving Ikebukuro or something.

“I repeat no ship should turn canon, it’s not needed and btw I’m not looking for romance for Izaya, he doesn’t even need a lover in canon, but personal resolution… and possibly a cat u.u”

Fair enough, I just want Izaya to be happy with or without a lover. And YES, Izaya should get a cat! x3

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