#im not dedicating hours and days and weeks of my 20s of hard work on my mental health to cope w shit i went through | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotchseyebrows · 3 years

Text

thoughtfulness in little things

a derek morgan x penelope garcia fic

a/n: can you believe that is my first ever full length morcia fic? me? resident morcia nut? wow. what a world. anyway!! i hope yall like this (and if you noticed it was already on ao3 earlier today shhh this is a scheduled tumblr post im Sleeping rn) and hopefully i dont take 4 months in between posting fics again, but i make no promises!!! my brain is Evil

thank you @blkantigone for being my beta and thank you @derekmorqan for letting me barf 1k of this in our dms a while back, i love you both sm

they do kiss a fair bit in this (it is, in fact, a first kiss fic) and its a little steamy, but by no means explicit and is rated teens and up on ao3 :)

read it here on ao3!!

Penelope splutters. “Sugar, you don’t have to stay here with me, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

He shrugs. “How am I supposed to party when my best girl is stuck at work?”

Everything changes during a late night in Penelope's batcave. But really, nothing changes at all.

word count: 3000

Friday nights without a case are a rare treasure for SSA Hotchner’s highly sought after team of profilers. Normally, Derek and Penelope would be taking advantage of the freedom by dancing all night, but sometimes the universe has other plans.

Penelope used this week’s case-free time to put the finishing touches on an antivirus and security software of her own creation. The personal information of her beloved BAU babies was a hot commodity well worth the additional protection, and she’s always looking for a reason to fiddle with Quantico’s servers. It ended up being a whole production, taking the entire afternoon and then some. Apparently, she still doesn’t have all of the permissions required to make certain adjustments which means that she’s fiddling and bending her way into all of the things she needs to do. If that wasn’t bad enough, the whole damn thing crashed around 4:00. She managed not to pull her hair out, but it was a close thing and it set her back at least an extra hour.

Derek stops by a little after 5, his jacket slung over his shoulder. “Baby girl, I can hear the bottles of DC’s finest vodka and Hennessy calling our names, are you almost ready to leave for the day?” He pauses in the door, taking in her furious typing and furrowed brow. “Whoa, Mama, what’s the matter? You’ve got Hotch’s eyebrows.”

She throws her arms up. “The entirety of the FBI and also the world is getting on my nerves!” He walks over to her, leaning on the side of her chair and turning her away from her monitor. His hands gently grab both of hers and he rubs a soothing circle with one of his thumbs.

“Explain, baby girl.”

She does, eventually just ranting and raving about how annoying it is to still be put in metaphorical handcuffs by the FBI as if she can’t just do what she wants anyway. “I’m not even breaking any rules, technically, they’re just making things annoying and long winded.” She sighs, moving her hands to interlock their fingers. “But now that it’s started, it would be doubly annoying to stop it and come back later. So I’m stuck here until it’s done, which might take a while.”

He nods, thinking. Then he straightens up, grabs the extra rolling chair, and sits down.

Penelope splutters. “Sugar, you don’t have to stay here with me, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

He shrugs. “How am I supposed to party when my best girl is stuck at work?” She blushes, turning away to hide it on instinct.

“You cheeseball.” She spins around to lightly push on his arm. He just smiles.

They sit together for 20 minutes in relative silence as she continues her work. It’s a comfortable silence; his occasional humming soothes her rising annoyance at how needlessly long this is taking. She can hear him playing with one of the fidget toys she keeps on her desk behind him. When she gets to another point of sitting and waiting, she turns towards him and asks him about his day. He tells her about how Prentiss helped him get Reid back for a prank by distracting him in the break room while he switched out the keyboard of Reid’s computer with an identical one with a grass garden planted inside. “It’s a long con for sure, but I’m hoping it sprouts this weekend.”

She laughs. “How long did it take you to set this up, dumpling?” She already knows the answer, but it’s nice to see his slightly sheepish but proud look about his dedication to his prank war. Her computer beeps at her, and she spins back around to begin working again.

He rolls closer, avoiding her question and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “You getting hungry yet?”

She relaxes, leaning against him. As if on cue, her stomach grumbles. “Yes, I’d say so.”

He leans over and moves a strand of hair out of her face. “Okay baby girl, I’ll go grab us food and be right back.” She nods, lifting her cheek on instinct to meet the kiss she knows is coming. He stands and sure enough, leans down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll be quick. Be good.”

“How can I do anything else if you’re not here?” She bats her eyes up at him.

He grins. “Oh, I’m sure you’d think of something.” He brushes his knuckles against her cheek. It makes her shiver.

She watches him leave, catching the kiss he blows at her from the door. Turning back to focus on her work, it feels like she blinks and he’s back. A glance at the clock tells her it’s been over a half hour. He puts the bag of food onto the table before coming to pull her away from the computer.

“One minute, I promise, I’m so close to just letting this thing run for a little.” He twirls her hair around his fingers before dropping his hands onto her shoulders, rubbing away the tension. A minute and a half later, she leans back in her chair with a sigh. She tilts her head back and sticks her tongue out at him. He smiles at her.

"Come eat, baby girl. Don't think you're getting out of eating my hard won dinner." He moves to the table and pulls out her chair. She follows and sits.

"Hard won — mon cher, you didn't tackle a wild animal and lug it home to our log cabin in the woods, you drove your car 20 minutes."

He kisses her temple, handing her a pair of chopsticks. "Yeah, but I would lug home whatever you needed anytime, so the sentiment is the same."

She smiles and knocks their feet together under the table lightly. He moves his chair, so they are sitting right next to each other on the same side of the table. The heat from his arm is palpable.

Derek grabs a box from the bag and splits the vegan pad thai within onto two paper plates. He opens the box of spring rolls and places it in between them while she places napkins in front of them both. He pops the cap off of her bottle of lemonade without her asking, and sets that in front of her too. “Thank you, handsome.” He smiles in response. They start eating and the comfortable silence returns.

She talks him through what she still needs to do to fix everything in between bites, even though she knows he doesn't really understand her technobabble. But Penelope can feel his eyes on her, and without looking, she somehow knows that something has shifted in the air around them.

"What?" she asks, turning her attention away from gesturing at her computer with the chopsticks. "Do I have something on my face?"

He chuckles. "Actually, yes, c'mere." He brushes away a stray spot of sauce on the corner of her lips with a gentle swipe of his thumb. The rest of his hand stills on her cheek. She shivers. She can see him notice it, his attention focusing in on her. Penelope's blood is thundering in her ears as he glances in between her lips and her eyes.

She leans purposefully into his hand. His thumb brushes over her lips again and her mouth falls open a little.

"Penelope, I-" he cuts himself off with a hard swallow. "Penelope." His eyes flicker down to her lips and back up to her eyes quickly again.

She can only blink at him for a moment. "Yes, Derek?"

"I don't kn- um. Can I-" She's never seen him flustered and unsure like this. But they've never been out of sync before and they aren't about to start now, so she nods, bringing up a hand to rest on his. A smile grows on his face before he starts to lean in. His hand slides along her cheek to more firmly grip her face- it makes her gasp.

He pauses, thinking something is wrong. "Penelope, are y-" Her heart swells at how careful he is to take care of her always, and she meets him in the middle, pressing their lips together in a soft, purposeful kiss.

For a moment, all is still. The world boils down to just the place where their lips are touching. Their lips barely brush against one another, but already Penelope feels light headed. Derek separates their lips for a moment before kissing her again, a firmer touch this time. She sucks in a breath through her nose. His lips are incredibly kind- that’s the only word for it. He doesn’t seem to know the word “take” right now because all she can feel from him is “give.” As he presses into the kiss and gently cups the side of her face, her brain wildly spins through thoughts about how of course he’s like this even when kissing her and how good he smells and how she can’t believe they haven’t done this sooner.

He draws her closer against him, pressing into the kiss more insistently before bringing his other hand up to her face and holding her. His fingers move to cup the sides of her neck and she tilts her head to the left a touch, letting her mouth fall open in a sigh. He makes a soft noise before tentatively sliding their tongues together. A full body shiver runs down her spine and through her limbs. Another small noise falls from the back of his throat. Her stomach swoops like they've just dropped down the side of a huge arch in a roller coaster. She places both hands on his chest, pressing forward. He moves with her, chair squeaking underneath him as he presses closer, one arm snaking around her back. Penelope’s heart pounds even louder. His tongue is gentle even in its insistence as their kiss turns slightly desperate.

It feels like someone has lit a fire underneath Penelope’s chair, warmth washing over her whole body and radiating out from everywhere they touch. One of his hands tangles into her hair as he gently tilts her head back. If she wasn’t sitting her knees would have buckled so long ago, but now she would absolutely be on the floor. It’s no surprise that Derek Morgan is an incredible kisser, but knowing something and knowing something is so different.

He pulls back, letting their foreheads rest together. Her eyes stay closed, tingles radiating from everywhere his fingers are tenderly holding her face. She tightens her grip on his shirt. He kisses the tip of her nose. "You still with me, baby girl?"

She nods, breathless. She slowly opens her eyes and smiles at him. "Hi." It's the first thing she thinks to say.

He laughs. "Hey you."

She has so many questions- how long have you wanted to do that, can we do that again right now, can we do so much more right now, right here- but before she can ask any of them, her computer beeps loudly. "Oh!" She jumps at the sudden noise. He drops his hands and leans back, looking far too much like the cat who got the cream. "I should- right, I should deal with that," she says, standing on shaky legs. Heels were never so precarious. Of course, there is no hiding from a profiler.

He grins up at her. "Need some assistance?" His eyes are shining like he's hiding a joke. She scrunches her nose at him, biting back a smile.

"Oh, hush you. I’m perfectly capable of walking 3 feet, thank you very much." Her tenacity is a little undercut from the way her hands are trembling a little as she smooths her skirt, but still. The point remains.

He raises his hands in surrender. "Alright baby girl, go on then."

She walks over to her computer and stays standing to fiddle with the wires behind it before bending over at the keyboard and reading the report on the screen. "It shouldn't be much longer now, it just needs to run the last new anti-virus- what?" He's leaning back in his seat and staring at her, a small smile dancing on his lips.

"What, Mama?" But he knows what, clearly evident from the way he is trying to school his expression into something innocent.

She blushes. "Derek Morgan, I don't know what I'm going to do if you keep looking at me like that."

"Oh, I don't know. I might have some ideas."

She sucks in a sharp inhale through her nose. Playing nonchalant, she turns back to her computer. "Well, I might have to hear your ideas out."

"Yeah?"

She glances at him out of the corner of her eye and he's grinning.

"Yeah." she says, not trusting what will come out of her mouth if she elaborates (probably something along the lines of “I’d listen to all your ideas, do your ideas include any semblance of forever, if you keep grinning like that I'm gonna lock the door and do something reckless”).

They sit in relative silence, just the sounds of her typing filling the room. When she finishes, she spins her chair around. "Hi," she says again.

"Hi baby," he responds.

Her fingers twist and curl the hem of her skirt. "So, uh, well, that's gonna take at least another 30 minutes to finish running."

He raises one eyebrow. "30 minutes, huh?"

She nods. "Might be a good time for some of those ideas."

He stands and walks across the room to her. She takes his offered hand and stands as well. They stay there, inches apart and holding hands as the charged atmosphere around them seems to crackle. In the same breath, they lean in to kiss again. Both of her arms wrap around his neck as he tucks his around her waist. He pulls her against him, fully pressed together as the soft kiss deepens into something heated and desperate.

He bites her bottom lip gently before the kiss turns open mouthed and slick. She arches against him as they slide into a slow rhythm. She feels fluttery, like his arms are the only anchor point in the whole world and if he let her go, she’d simply float away. He tastes like lemonade, sweet and alive. She hums as he tracks his hands in a slow circle at the base of her spine. Her knees really do buckle a little as he attempts to tug her closer, but he holds her steady. She rests a hand on his cheek and grounds herself by using the other to grip the back of his neck. She’s utterly swallowed up by him, his arms and his mouth and just him surrounding her in their own little cocoon. He separates their mouths to kiss across her jaw and down her neck, hands flattening on her back. He places a line of long kisses down to the crook of her neck. She lets out a sigh, letting her head fall to the side to give him more room. He sinks his teeth into the same spot lightly, and she shudders.

"Derek," she whispers. She can feel his smile against his skin as he kisses the same place again.

They slow to a stop, tucked against each other. He rests his face against her neck and mumbles something against her skin. "Hmm honey?" she says, hand rubbing a circle on the nape of his neck.

"I got us that Talenti ice cream you like," he says, only moving enough to be heard. “Chocolate peanut butter cup, and the color changing spoons are still in the break room.”

"Oh Der, that's so sweet, you didn't have to do all of that." Her heart skips a beat.

He shrugs, kissing the side of her neck. "I wanted to."

She is half tempted to haul him in for another kiss, but as if on cue, her stomach grumbles. He picks his head up and smiles at her. "Come eat now," he says before giving her another quick peck.

She lets him pull her to the table, but before they sit, she pulls him in again. He chuckles into the kiss. "Eat, you menace." He mumbles against her lips. Pulling back, he plants a kiss on the apple of her cheek as he guides her into her seat.

She bites a retort about how she was trying to but he sees it on her face anyway.

"Later, baby girl. Dinner first."

“Then dessert?” She tilts her head and gives him a flirty smile.

He runs his thumb along her bottom lip. “All the dessert you want, Penelope.”

Much the same as before, they eat in comfortable silence. Except this time he rests a hand on her thigh, and traces a slow lazy circle with his thumb. The conversation picks back up and turns to unrelated things. Derek muses about possible retaliations from Spencer once he notices his new desk plants as he casually offers her a bite from his plate. She takes it, humming.

Something Penelope did not realize had lost its footing resettles in her chest. Nothing is different, not in any way that would scare her or be a loss. They are just the same as they've always been, but also more. (Though she'd be hard pressed to think of a time when this wasn't the way they were. Maybe things are just being unveiled, not changed.)

When they finish eating, he goes to get the ice cream and two of the fun spoons from the break room. They split the pint and laugh far too loudly for how late it is. The computer beeps for a final time, software finally fully uploaded and settled. She still has to run tests and double check that everything is working, but that can wait. Derek offers her a bite of ice cream, and if he kisses her again to remove the ice cream from her bottom lip, she can't say she minds.

#morcia #derek morgan #penelope garcia #cm #cj.txt #cjs fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds

99 notes · View notes

dearly · 3 years

Text

Pete Wentz (6:39:20 PM): Hey Ryan Ross (6:39:39 PM): hey Pete Wentz (6:40:09 PM): Is this the guy fro poanic at the disco Ryan Ross (6:40:23 PM): yeah im ryan, is this pete? Pete Wentz (6:41:12 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (6:41:18 PM): hey man Pete Wentz (6:42:37 PM): How arer you Ryan Ross (6:43:17 PM): im not bad, working on a paper for english. hows everything with the new record? Pete Wentz (6:44:37 PM): Going really well Pete Wentz (6:45:04 PM): How's everything wiht your band are those just remixes Ryan Ross (6:46:01 PM): awesome, yeah we only did those on my laptop because we cant get into a studio yet. but we still have alot of those parts live and full band Pete Wentz (6:46:25 PM): Does it have samples like that Pete Wentz (6:46:42 PM): How many people are in the band.... Are you guys all in hicghschool Ryan Ross (6:47:20 PM): do you mean do we use a sampler? our drummer uses a drum sampler which we put some of the stuff on, and he plays some of it Ryan Ross (6:47:43 PM): im in college. im 18 the other three of them are 17 and in high school Pete Wentz (6:48:26 PM): Like of the pure volume site songs what would not be part of your live show Ryan Ross (6:50:18 PM): well right now the synth stuff because we need a keyboard player. we are trying out a few guys soon though. and some of the drum parts are different. Pete Wentz (6:50:48 PM): I absolutely love the stuff Ryan Ross (6:52:16 PM): but we have two guitar players one sings and i play lead. its kind of hard to describe it. we are a rock band but about half of a song will be dance-ish or sort of 80s sounding Ryan Ross (6:52:28 PM): really? wow thanks alot man Ryan Ross (6:53:12 PM): it really is a huge compliment coming from you Ryan Ross (6:53:35 PM): i was actually really suprised you listened to it Ryan Ross (6:53:40 PM): i didnt expect you to see it Pete Wentz (6:54:00 PM): Is there some pics of you guys anywhere Ryan Ross (6:55:10 PM): no, we are taking them pretty soon for the website, its just not done yet. i have some just of me on livejournal. but thats wierd haha Pete Wentz (6:56:09 PM): Yeah fuck get some to me Pete Wentz (6:56:19 PM): I think I may come see you in californaia Ryan Ross (6:56:44 PM): really? Ryan Ross (6:57:08 PM): that would be awesome Pete Wentz (6:57:46 PM): I've been listeneing to those songs nonstop. Is the band a side thing or is it gonna be fulltime? Ryan Ross (6:58:20 PM): no its full time Ryan Ross (6:59:24 PM): well aside from school. which sucks Ryan Ross (6:59:32 PM): but we want to do this Pete Wentz (7:00:00 PM): When are those kids out of school Ryan Ross (7:00:26 PM): the drummer and bass player are graduating early. so like january and other guitarist/singer graduates in the spring Pete Wentz (7:01:16 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:01:23 PM): Do you know about my label Ryan Ross (7:01:46 PM): yeah i think i saw something a while ago on a journal entry, is gym class heroes the only band on it right now? Pete Wentz (7:03:10 PM): Yeah. I signed the academy. But they are fbr strictly gym class and I am looking for another Pete Wentz (7:03:33 PM): The cool thing about it is I just met with waner and they want both of the bands and to give me an imprint Ryan Ross (7:03:55 PM): oh cool i like the academy alot, oh i see yea i was going to ask you about that Pete Wentz (7:04:03 PM): Which pretty much means a lot more money to promote cool artists Pete Wentz (7:04:14 PM): You guys plays out a lot? Ryan Ross (7:04:39 PM): thats awesome man. actually no we just kind of started this thing up a few months ago, the show in victorville is going to be our first one Pete Wentz (7:05:51 PM): Really Pete Wentz (7:05:56 PM): Interesting Pete Wentz (7:06:11 PM): How much do you guys practice Ryan Ross (7:06:45 PM): we've been trying to figure out the best way to do this stuff live, and we've been having a hard time on figuring out how to make it sound good. depending on the place we might not be able to use all the electronic stuff that we want to do which sucks but alot of venues, at least here might have a hard time setting us up. we practice at

least 4 times a week so like. between 24-30 hours a week Pete Wentz (7:07:09 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:07:21 PM): I am gonna come to the show Ryan Ross (7:08:13 PM): we wish we could more often. but school is getting in the way. and it sucks cause parents think its a waste of time playing music and want me to focus on school. im sure you know how that is. Ryan Ross (7:08:23 PM): thanks alot man really Pete Wentz (7:08:55 PM): I do Pete Wentz (7:09:05 PM): What are peoples reactions to it Ryan Ross (7:10:04 PM): some good some bad. everyone is so into post hardcore stuff these days that some kids just brush it off. which is fine but then some kids like it cause its a little different i guess Pete Wentz (7:11:30 PM): Can that kid sing live? Ryan Ross (7:12:54 PM): yeah, he's been taking voice lessons for a little bit so thats starting to help him Pete Wentz (7:13:19 PM): Is he on? I mean on here he sounds awesome Ryan Ross (7:14:21 PM): yeah he's on pitch, we recorded that stuff with like a 100 dollar vocal mic. the only effects we used was pretty much reverb on the main parts. Pete Wentz (7:14:42 PM): Yeah sounds good kind of like patrick Pete Wentz (7:14:47 PM): I like it Ryan Ross (7:16:57 PM): yeah thats the only thing we get that alot. and thats just how the kid sings. we like your band but we dont want to sound like you guys, or be compared to fob all the time you know? but yeah he is aware that kids say he sounds like patrick so he's just trying different vocal stuff sometimes. Pete Wentz (7:19:06 PM): Here's the thing if I show you guys interest a lot of crappy labels are gonna come and do the same and I don't want a huge mess out there. I mean how interested are you guys in going fulltime when you can Pete Wentz (7:19:19 PM): Yeah you'll get eh patrock thing but how many people. Sound like hime Ryan Ross (7:19:47 PM): so you really think we've got potential then? Pete Wentz (7:19:54 PM): I do Ryan Ross (7:20:05 PM): i've wanted to play in a band for my job ever since i started high school at least. Ryan Ross (7:20:07 PM): we all want to do this Ryan Ross (7:21:05 PM): its like i cant put enough dedication into anything exept playing guitar and writing Pete Wentz (7:23:01 PM): I'm with you Ryan Ross (7:24:05 PM): but yeah. i cant see myself doing anything else but playing in a band, cause every job i've ever had ive hated it Pete Wentz (7:24:57 PM): You don't have a picture of the band Ryan Ross (7:25:44 PM): no, but if you need it i could have my buddy take some tomorrow at practice Pete Wentz (7:26:58 PM): That would be rad Ryan Ross (7:27:37 PM): okay we'll take some Ryan Ross (7:28:08 PM): are you online much? Pete Wentz (7:33:12 PM): Sometimes Ryan Ross (7:33:35 PM): okay, i was just wondering if this was your email incase you arent on i'll just send them Pete Wentz (7:34:17 PM): Yeah send it here for sure Ryan Ross (7:34:36 PM): okay Ryan Ross (7:34:55 PM): dude this better not be a joke, it better be you Pete Wentz (7:35:12 PM): It is Pete Wentz (7:35:34 PM): But there are a lot of fakers out there Ryan Ross (7:35:55 PM): okay. yeah i know someone has shown me like fake journals of you and stuff. thats creepy Ryan Ross (7:36:10 PM): thats why i asked if it was you for sure Pete Wentz (7:36:32 PM): This guy who is iming me is your manager Ryan Ross (7:37:03 PM): is it xxxtoughffxxx ? Pete Wentz (7:37:22 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (7:37:38 PM): i dont know if he's our manager. he's our friend, he's been helping us out with a website, merch and the show in victorville Ryan Ross (7:38:35 PM): he's starting a company up and he wants to help us out Pete Wentz (7:43:04 PM): Ah I got t Pete Wentz (7:43:32 PM): It Pete Wentz (7:43:37 PM): You guys are awesome and if its what I think it is I want ti to be thenext academy Ryan Ross (7:44:58 PM): wow thanks alot. i hope you like the stuff live, its not completely different but it is different. i mean the singing is the same and all that. Pete Wentz (7:47:46 PM): cool Pete Wentz (7:48:06 PM): You guys look good. The chicks gonna be swooning? Ryan Ross (7:48:38 PM): once we get

a keyboard player who can do all of the sampling we want to do it will be alot better too. its like we know how we want to sound, but just finding the right way to do it i guess is what we are working on. Ryan Ross (7:48:40 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:48:51 PM): i dont know man, we look alright i guess Ryan Ross (7:48:57 PM): we look young Pete Wentz (7:49:42 PM): Youngs not abd at all Pete Wentz (7:49:47 PM): How does the singiner look Ryan Ross (7:50:05 PM): dead sexy. Ryan Ross (7:50:41 PM): he's no pete wentz. but still Pete Wentz (7:51:42 PM): Hahaha Pete Wentz (7:51:54 PM): Goddamn as long as he looks cool.singing Pete Wentz (7:52:14 PM): For sure send me pics and all how many songs you guys have? Ryan Ross (7:52:39 PM): haha Ryan Ross (7:53:00 PM): kk Ryan Ross (7:53:54 PM): we've only got 4 right now, its been tough to write since school started and everyone's busier. and those are the first 4 songs we've written as a band. at the show we'll play those and a cover of new order maybe. or depeche mode. we dont know yet Pete Wentz (7:56:08 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:56:21 PM): I gotta run Pete Wentz (7:56:32 PM): But ill hit you on here later Pete Wentz (7:56:38 PM): Send me those pics and write the hits Ryan Ross (7:56:43 PM): okay dude. good talking to you Pete Wentz (7:56:43 PM): Peaaaaaace Ryan Ross (7:56:44 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:56:47 PM): later man Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 7:56:51 PM. Auto response from Pete Wentz: Igot99problems Pete Wentz is back at the computer as of 10:05:48 PM. Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 10:06:23 PM.

#pete wentz #ryan ross #brendon urie #i just don't trust shit not being deleted anymore don't mind me #reference #bandom #long post #panic at the disco

136 notes · View notes

prinsdeasmo · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday Asmo!

ah, the demon who stole my heart www,,, for him i will do anything. so i wrote a drabble! it’s a little angsty, a little stuffy because the last time i wrote something within in a day it was to make fun of my friend and i’s ocs, but most of all! it’s sweet! hopefully!

im on mobile so h o p e f u l l y this line break works? i had to get google chrome for this ;;

please enjoy, though!

A Lovely Surprise

Living thousands of years brings out the extravagant, the luxurious side of you. You’ve lived this long already, why bother with being humble? You’re going to live even longer, so break out the champagne and $20 million debt your older brother is in and live a little! Or a lot! Even, possibly, too much.

But, thousands of years truly is a long time. Though you become accustomed to the sluggish movements of the hours, how the sun seems to never truly set in these unending years of living—there’s only so much you can see. After a while, you’ve seen it all. You’ve seen every face, every present, every colorful party streamer strung from the ceiling and draping from the chandelier; you’ve seen every punch bowl, every spiked drink, and every person puking their heart out at a party. The music all blurs to one, incomprehensible drone of instruments and screeching vocals, and the taste of cake becomes one akin to sampling recycled cardboard.

Asmodeus has seen it all. He’s been given every present, every declaration of love, every moment of insatiable pleasure, yet he still feels nothing on such a grand day as today. The most popular bands and artists of the Devildom play live on a stage of gold glitter and pink lights, surrounded by swooning fans painted in skin tight clothes and smokey eyes. The chandelier of crystal and quartz reflect the faint light of the Devildom’s sky throughout the room, shapes projected onto walls adorned in jewel encrusted banners.

Happy Birthday Asmodeus!

they read, his symbol of lust painted alongside those words. Those words he’s seen countless times.

This party is for him, of course, Asmo spent weeks planning and preparing for it. Everyone here is for him, naturally, handpicked by the birthday boy himself. They’ve all given him gifts and congratulations, they’ve showered him in compliments and adoration. Asmodeus lives for these moments, where everything and everyone is focused on him. It’s all about him.

So why is he so melancholy? Today is the happiest day of his year, the day celebrated only for him. Yet every time he looks up at the scene around him, he feels the need to down yet another flute of Demonus. How many has he had so far? It’s hard to keep count when the strobe lights flash in his eyes, and his own thoughts distance him even further from his party.

Even though everyone is there for Asmo’s birthday, it feels like no one is there for Asmo. That nobody cares it’s his birthday, a day they’ve all seen one too many times.

Suddenly infuriated, Asmodeus finds himself outside the venue. The cool, almost night-like air of the Devildom catches in his curls, softly brushing them against his face. With a sigh he leans over the metal railing protecting one from falling into the canal below. The dark waters of the Devildom rippled his reflection, a downcast expression lingering on his features.

One hand with his fingers woven in his hair, the other propped over the railing, still cupping the flute of Demonus, Asmodeus stares at himself. How pathetic is he to feel so empty on a day dedicated to him? Luckily no one at the party would seem to care if he was gone, a downcast Asmo doesn’t match the aesthetic of a normal Asmo.

“Hey Asmo.”

He’d been so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear someone approach behind him, only their soft call that startled him. Asmodeus quickly turns around, a charming smile smoothing his face. Behind him stands the human; Asmo realizes he hadn’t seen them at the party earlier.

“There you are!” He clasps his hands together, “I was wondering when you’d be here, I got so lonely waiting for you~.”

The human blushes at his cooing, their eyes shifting to ground.

“It took longer than I thought to get ready,” they trail off.

Under his attentive gaze the human shifts nervously. Asmodeus had already noticed their washed and curled hair, and their silky outfit that draped off their shoulders, but he hadn’t noticed their face. Their face that the human usually paid such little attention to. Asmo always chastised them, Your beauty is your face!, he’d say, but they never did anything about it.

Today, their skin glows in the soft light of the Devildom, their eyes shine with fondness, and their cheeks flush with embarrassment. Though his human always looks adorable, today they look exceptionally beautiful.

A beat of silence passes. “Don’t you just look adorable~. You’re so cute I could just eat you up!” Asmodeus steps closer, his free hand reaches out to twirl a finger in their hair. Their face only grows redder to his glee and he leans into their face.

“And I just might! You look oh-so tempting tonight~. Are you my special present that you spoke of earlier? I’ll be glad if-“ He’s rudely cut off by something being shoved between their faces.

“T-this is,” the human mutters, choked. Asmodeus’s previous displeasure at having something interrupt him turns to a smidgen of joy. He gently takes the small, rectangular shaped box and steps back.

The box is perhaps the size of his hands placed next to each other, it’s shape resembling a jewelry box. The wrapping is a plain, light pink, and a gold bow is tied neatly around it. The human slips his forgotten Demonus flute out of his hand.

“I’ll hold onto this.”

Asmodeus offers them a smile. He’s truly grateful that the human got him something, knowing how much they struggle with money and their soft spot for Mammon.

“It must’ve been hard to save up for something,” he says with a light laugh. The human just smiles.

Nimble fingers carefully pull apart the bow, the untied gold ribbon falls to the ground, and the pink wrapping paper is peeled off to reveal a white box. The thin top is pulled off to reveal... not what was expected. Asmodeus blinks.

In the box lies an obviously homemade necklace. It’s simple, a thin metal chain looped through a thick, bulbous... charm? The charm is painted with a metallic, gold paint, accompanied by a painted on design of pink and red colors. A small, red heart lies in the middle, coated in a glittery paint that has it sparkling.

“Ah, you’re supposed to open it like this.” The human is suddenly beside him, their free hand clicking the top of the charm.

Oh, so it is a locket, Asmodeus realizes as the locket opens. He picks it up in one hand, using his thumb to gently open it more. His eyes widen at what’s inside.

The two doors have opened to reveal a picture. A picture of Asmodeus and the human. They’re not doing anything special, they’re not even dressed in anything exciting; they two are just posing silly. Asmo has his chin on their head and is using his pointer fingers to make them smile, while the human is trying to make a peace sign. Rather than them posing with a smile, they’re laughing.

He remembers the day they took this. It was shortly after the retreat to Diavolo’s castle, when Asmodeus and the human made their pact. Lucifer had forced asked Mammon to go shopping for dinner. Naturally, Mammon dragged the human along with him, but got swept up in winning a sweepstakes contest. The human was waiting for him when Asmo bumped into them and noticed a photobooth. ‘Let’s take a picture!’ he’d gasped.

Asmo had dragged them into the small, cramped compartment and 20 minutes whizzed by as he had the two posing and decorating the photos. With their last few Grimm they took a final set of photos. The first two were in the cute pose Asmo tried to have them do, but the human kept giggling at how silly their face had looked in a previous photo. The final picture was this one, the one in the locket he holds now.

“You kept this from so long ago?” he whispers, barely audible. From his peripheral vision he sees them nod.

“Taking all those pictures and laughing together is... a really nice memory for me. I don’t think we ever did anything together like that before. And this picture,” the human touches the locket, “is the best picture I have of your smile. Not that usual, pretty smile you do that makes your face look all handsome, but a real smile. A happy smile.”

His eyes suddenly feel hot. The human continues, “On the left door of the locket is that one really stupid picture of me you and Satan took of me sleeping after an exam.” Asmodeus has to snort at that.

“Oh, you think it’s funny? Satan drew on me with a permanent marker! I had detailed cat whiskers and a nose on my face for a week! I couldn’t wash it off!” They complain, but they’re laughing too.

“...Asmo?” The human looks up at him after he hasn’t said anything for a moment. “Do you like it?” They seemed worried.

Asmodeus bits the inside of his lower lip and suddenly throws his arms around them, pulling them into a tight hug. The human lets out a small, surprised squeak, but their arms wrap around him in return.

In all his years of living, both in the Celestial Realm and the Devildom, Asmodeus had seen everything. Every gift, every proclamation of adoration, every blush across somebody’s skin. There’d been nothing that could surprise him anymore. But, today he finds himself wrong. In his hand he grips a small, poorly made locket that means more than any expensive clothing or make-up ever could to him. Something that isn’t adoration. Something that isn’t lust or heat. It’s something he hadn’t felt since the days he’d lost his heavenly name; Love.

Asmodeus feels something hot fall down his cheek.

“I love it.”

。

birthdays are super important to and for me so i’m really glad i could write something nice for asmo! obeysme’s recent asmo meta had me feeling so i tried to convey some of that lonely angst up in here yo

anyway, happy birthday to the best demon boy!!! i love you asmo!’

#asmodeus #obey me #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me asmodeus #shall we date obey me #writing #fanfic i guess?#i’ll put it on ao3 #happy birthday asmo!#!!!#happybirthdayasmo #ch: asmo

31 notes · View notes

ectodog · 4 years

Text

it’s the 4th anniversary of the premier of vld which of course means i have assembled a rough timeline for my descent into voltron special interest hell. it goes something like this:

- june 10 2016: vld season 1 premiers. i am none the wiser

- january 20 2017: season 2 comes out. this fact is irrelevant to me

- august 4 2017: season 3 happens. still not entirely sure what a “voltron” even is

- mid-august 2017: one of my friends cosplays keith. that’s cool. who’s keith?

- october 17 2017: season 4 arrives. that’s fine i guess

- march 2 2018: season 5 has entered the building. i am vaguely aware that i have known people who watched it at some point. the fandom is apparently “terrifying” but i survived homestuck, so i scoff at the concept and go on with my life

- june 15 2018: season 6 drops. i see a bunch of cool gifs and pretty fanart. coupled with the hype i have absorbed from the lead up to it, i wonder if i should give the show a watch

- june 16 2018: i start watching vld. two (four) episodes in and i love it. i can already tell i’m a hunk kinnie, and this brings me no end of joy

- june 28 2018: within two weeks, i have caught up entirely. i am thriving in the post-s6 hype

- july 20 2018: at sdcc, the Big Reveal happens. shiro is gay. he is a disabled main character of of colour in a wildly popular show for kids, and he is kind and brave and the pinnacle of masculinity, and he is gay. no matter your shipping opinions, this is incredible news and it’s hard to Not ride the high, so why bother trying? they show a trailer and announce the release date for season 7, and within hours a bunch of booted recordings of s7e1 are floating around online

- july 23 2018: my interest level has gotten to the point where i need to make a separate twitter for it, so i do. (fun fact: as of today, less than 2 years later, said twitter has over 7300 posts on it. my main, 4x that old, has ~30k)

- august 10 2018: season 7 is online at 1am my time. im selling at an artist alley all weekend, starting the following morning. i binge half the season anyway before passing out, and completely avoid the internet until i can watch the rest later that day

- october 5 2018: at nycc, the trailer for s8 and release date are revealed. i immediately book the announced day off work because i know i will want to watch the entire thing at once the second it’s out

- mid-october 2018: “leaks” of s8 start appearing online. pretty much no one in the fandom believes them, because no one Likes them. they seem ridiculous. people start making “leakverse” fanworks to feed some of the finale anticipation into, including me. no one really thinks they’re plausible at all

- december 14 2018: season 8 airs. i post a quick but heartfelt fanart before gearing up for 1am. it starts, and i cry. the first time they form voltron, i cry some more. things keep happening, and i keep getting tears on my screen, and i have to pause and start it over and over, but i live tweet the whole thing anyway. the leaks were... real. i come out of it unsure how i feel, exactly, but i am exhausted from the marathon and so immediately pass out

- the same day, after some sleep: im upset and confused as to why the finale season was so hollow. i see im not alone. it’s a rough week, feeling like something i love so deeply let me down so much. i realize it’s only been 6 months since i got into it - but, clinging to a deep sense of betrayal, i cry some more anyway

- the immediate aftermath: there are petitions and accusations of censorship and conspiracies about where the “real” s8 is. it’s hard not to get caught up in, or at least dragged down by, the lack of hype. no one who worked on the show says anything for days, weeks, months. fix it fanwork starts cropping up, and i surround myself in them. none of the excitement from before is there, not the same way it was. i start a new and highly ambitious piece of art out of spite. it’s left unfinished

- january 2 2019: lion forge releases the third volume of vld comics. no one really cares. i certainly don’t

- the intermediate aftermath: it becomes clearer by the day that the season was, simply put, a failure and a flop. no one liked it. kids cried over it and parents had no idea how to explain it to them. the fandom and community dim for a while, but i keep immersing myself in the trove of fanwork that already existed, and i start trying again to make some of my own

- may 29 2019: lion forge comics announces that they are not renewing their license to make more vld comics. that, coupled with the abysmally rated final season, seems to be the nail in the coffin for this iteration of the ip. there won’t be anything else official for vld. somehow, this sparks a renewed interest in me. despite everything, im more dedicated than ever before to preserve and proliferate my good experiences. i know this won’t be a blip in my history as a fan, so i’m determined to be happy with it, as best i can be

- the rest: is, as they say, history. as of now, i have something like 20 fanworks of my own in progress for vld. my ao3 bookmarks number in the 100s, and my to-read list is at over 250. ive made a concerted effort to be more active and engaged in the fandom, because it came so close to fizzling out, for me and maybe for everyone, but it’s brought me so much goodness that i cant and Won’t let that happen, not without a fight

it’s been just under 2 years since i decided to watch voltron on a whim. and it has honestly become a central part of my interests and identity in that time - but for the majority of it, it’s been because of fandom and fanworks, and that’s maybe what made it stick so well to begin with: the creative, varied, amazing parts of it that no network mandate could have offered on its own

this started as a way to catalog my journey into and through vld but honestly it kind of became a love letter to the fandom (at least, my corner of it). that’s what’s made these last years so special - what’s made them simultaneously fly by and feel like a solid constant. a dedicated, talented fan base who are capable of so much more than the constraints of the source material

it’s amazing to look back on, and incredible to keep looking forward to. we’ve all been told - “go, be great”

we have been, and continue to be. like the stars, and like my love for vld, it’s inevitable

so thank you all for the years of “great”. 🖤

#this got so far away from me im so sorry #but i really wanted to write it out so! there you have it #voltron #vld #long post

8 notes · View notes

iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

Text

*insert lame & corny end of year summation post here*:

hmm. 2019. funny that the decade is almost over. but this year has been tumultuous, to say the least. or, as an exchange from a movie that is now 20 years old, (what the actual fuck?) states:

“people perceive you as somewhat.....”

“tempestuous?”

“heinous bitch is the term most used most often.”

and that’s to say the most, in the least amount of words. but i’ve never been good at staying short, precise & succinct. colouring inside those ever annoying lines. oh no. no! no! no! i will i 𝙉𝙊𝙏 stick to the status quo of being a well-trained english and philosophy graduate. here’s the ever so long-winded low down, a few days early, if anyone cares to read.

this year I realised a lot of things... but the main big thing I learnt is that I can’t be 1000% “on” all the time with my uni stuff, otherwise i’ll burn out. and that’s what i did. i burnt out. i burnt out fucking hard. at first, i started turning in most of my assignments late. then, i stopped turning in assignments altogether. then i ignored all of my professors. I didn’t explain anything. just stopped doing my work altogether. and disappeared completely off the face of the earth from my course.

“but gwladys/ilona! that’s SOOOO unprofessional and un-adult of you!” everyone says in a tone of reprimand. i know. i know. i know. but you’re talking to the person that never asks for help. that refuses to ask for extensions, bc by fucking god she knows that she’ll get it done by the due date deadline.... even if means that she’ll hyped on coffee, 2 minute noodles and chocolate till 3am every time she does it. high functioning brain-scatter bitch is in full mode all the time.... just until she just can’t do it anymore... and so then crashes and burns spectacularly. we know that im dramatic. that much hasn’t changed 😂. also I’ve learnt that maybe I should 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙨𝙠 for help, every once in a while.

so, anyway. to get back on track. by the end of august then, I was stagnant. morose. uncaring. mentally, it was: 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙢 𝙞 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬???? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙢 𝙞 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜???? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. 𝙙𝙤 𝙞 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 80-𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜-𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚????? 𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙩, 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙡??? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩 and finally, 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 20𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮????𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. all in all I asked my self frequently: “𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙱𝚄𝙸𝙻𝚃 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍???? 𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐???” and “more than likely nah and also yeah.” was my answer. to say that I was “just tired” would be an understatement. i was fucking exhausted. weary. fatigued. bushwhacked. just utterly fuckin’ buggered. all the while, there’s a nagging voice of baby boomer somewhere that says that: “you imbecilic brat! you can’t burn out while studying! it’s not a real job! get a real job first and THEN you’ll know what burnout REALLY IS.” when, in fact, i’ve been in tertiary study non-fucking-stop (bar uni breaks- although even on my uni breaks I was never really resting properly- because I’d buy some odd textsbooks and my prescribed texts and read some of them on every uni break) since business college in 2014. like y’all. you see how i got to my wits end??? this is my fifth and a half year in tertiary study. im pretty damn well fucking spent.

within all of the above, i also learnt not to try and cram my first 3,000 word essay ever (bc i avoided subjects with 3,000 word essays in undergrad mostly because i felt like i’d never reach that word limit) into about 6 hours before it was due. i failed a few assignments. then started failing subjects. which wasn’t a first for the first thing (failing assignments), but a first for the latter (failing entire subjects). I was sick and tired of word counts and marks dictating my worth, in a sense.

it’s taken until now to get over this feeling of being stuck, being nowhere. just being a mess. maybe it’s just part of your 20s to feel forever stuck. but will i return to my course next month??? much more renewed, and less worn out, and also less likely to procrastinate til the last minute???? the answer is: i still have no idea. this year was a ride. an omni-shambles, if you will. (there’s a new cool large word that I just pulled from google 😂). maybe it’s just part of your 20s to forever feel stuck and lost 🤷🏻‍♀️😓.

anyway, on a much happier note... 2019 was the year that my ass finally got her Ps. I’m hoping that next year I’ll use them more often though 😂 ah well. at least I finally achieved that huge hurdle. I also got back into my old hobbies of going to concerts and doing find-a-word puzzles (which is just this last week actually). the concert got me out of the house for the first time in months, where as the puzzles are helping me reconnect with my love of language (which I felt that I kind of lost through uni assignments in undergrad tbh) and just solving puzzles in general.

the final year of the 2010s has been a tumultuous and heinous bitch. a rough patch of sucky-ness. a dead end feeling. this was all mixed with a huge wave of relief with getting my licence after many years (almost 10 years) of putting it off for most of the time.... then being severely anxious during the learning process after having a shitty instructor in 2014 who told me that “no one in the in this area will ever bother to teach you to drive, because your driving is just that awful! stick with me and I’ll teach you!” which admittedly put me off learning to drive for a fucking whole ass year. then I finally got it 5 years later after 2 more instructors, and one who was dedicated to helping actually get my Ps. I’m glad that work finally paid off (even if it means I failed quite a few times).

“what will 2020 bring you?” inquires the lame buzzfeed/facebook personality test. idefk, buzzfeed or lame fb personality test: that’s either of your jobs to tell me. not mine 😂. but let’s hope it’s better than 2019.

finally, in my typical нυмвℓε ιηтεяηεт мεмε ғαямεя σηℓιηε ρεяsσηα fashion, have a meme to let you laugh into the new year.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #dedication takes a lifetime but dreams only last for a night #i mean it im okay (trust me)#nobody wants to fail the future #im aware that im posting this 4 days early #but honestly who the fuck cares???? 😅😂

9 notes · View notes

painandpleasure86 · 5 years

Text

Sequel of Lazing of a Sunday Afternoon: News of our World

Hiii people!! Sorry if where u live its 20 already. I have a problems to publish before. But, i hope that you enjoy my story anyways!Prequel it's here:

https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/185954894848/im-continuing-the-story-that-kate-aka

Words: +2.1K

Warning: My inexperience and my broken English lol. Oh and its fluff af.

Pairing: John x Fem!Reader

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 1

It's been a few weeks since you told him. It's still too early to tell about this to the rest, even if it's your parents.

In order not to get excited, they have agreed that the best thing to do is to have a blood test, in case there is really a pregnancy.

Your gynecologist must give you the order for this. So, you have an appointment on August 15.

It’s a beautiful morning, the sun shines. Spring feels closer and closer. This morning you have your children at home, Miguel is recovering from a flu-like illness and Rodrigo simply didn't want to go to the school. They don't usually let him decide that kind of thing, but that day they let him. He's six years old now. When you go to the kitchen, already dressed, you can't help but think "how big Rodri is. It seems like yesterday when he came in my arms and it was a little bean, hehe".

You arrive at the kitchen, your children having their chocolate with oatmeal cookies, your husband with his scrambled eggs, toast and a tea with milk. You go to the fridge and take out the jug of water. You serve yourself a glass full of water. Your babies see you and say "why don't you have breakfast with us mommy?" "Mommy has to have some medical check-ups and can't eat anything." He looks at you with a smile. You answer his smile with a bigger one. You go to him and hold him tight. "I love you, huh?", "Me too" he answers in your ear. They give each other a little kiss. Your older baby says "what's going on? Is there going to be a little sibling?"

You look at him surprised, because you don't know why Rodrigo says that... but your husband, seeing your puzzled face, says "I told him yesterday a little about you know what. And I think that whenever he sees us kissing, he's going to say that. Get ready," he says with smiles. That smile...

"Well, I gotta go. They will stay with Daddy. I promise I'll be back soon," you tell them. You get your handbag and your keys. You go to the door. The three of them go to you and hug you. He gives you many little kisses on the cheek. Your little ones hold your legs tightly. "Well guys, I'm not leaving forever," you say with a smile. "Well..." and they let you go unwillingly. Of course it hurts to leave Rodrigo and Miguel, but they're not alone. You close the door and behind you you hear. He says “Well... Men’s time. How about... a lot of music to dance to?" "YAAAAAAAAAAY" your kiddos say. Then you hear him play his favorite song, but you can't hear his words anymore, because you're in your car...

Before you start the car, you check the time. You're on time. Turn on the car, also the bluetooth of your car to go listening to music. You select the entire library of your cell phone and press shuffle. Dancing Queen sounds. Your smile is immense. With that joy, and the memory lived of your husband dancing on stage, backtrack and start your journey.

There is normal traffic, no traffic jams. It's 9 o'clock in the morning, so everything is quieter.

Fifteen minutes of driving, you arrive at the office. You park the car, you take the cell phone that was playing a song, you get off. You go to the corresponding waiting room, waiting to be called by your doctor...

Almost ten minutes after the agreed time on the shift, he calls you. You walk into the office.

After filling out the paperwork, he says, "Madam, the results of your annual check-up gave normal values, what happened?" You say "I think that i’m pregnant". He looks at you and says "I always told you to use the condom from the beginning" in a tone that simulates anger. He writes your order. You laugh at the discomfort and says "the thing is that I forgot... one thing led to another". He, extending the order to you, continues simulating his anger and says "later please, don't say the baby came by accident, eh!" and smiles. When you have the results, mark an appointment with me; if it's positive I'll refer you to the obstetrician". You nod and say, "Thank you doctor, see you later.”

You're very anxious to know that you're ready for testing.

As soon as you leave the office, you go to the laboratory, which is half a block from there You go into the center, withdraw a shift number. You wait a few minutes. They call you.

"Good morning", says her. You respond "Good morning" and you give her the order.

It's 10:15 in the morning. The laboratory is open until and 30. "Well, ma'am, it's still lab hours. If you have the 8-hour fast, you can wait and do it right now." Nod. After the paperwork of the health insurance, the receptionist gives you your turn and you wait for a call. Not even five minutes after you've sat down that the receptionist calls you. You enter the cubicle, you sit down. The professional would be on the side of your right arm. He asks you routine questions before a pregnancy sample (last intercourse, if you take pills, last menstrual period). Then he asks you to put your arm in the right place so he can do the extraction. Tie a rubber band over your elbow cavity. He asks you to clench your fist and squeeze hard. You do it. You look away, you're impressed to see a needle. You feel it inside you, annoying but tolerable. Moments later he says "Ready, you can open your hand..." and you turn your head in his direction again. He says "the results will be available from this afternoon, come with this order". Assentis, greet him and return home, having that cotton of your arm very strong.

You starve. So, it’s time to go home. You send a message to your husband "I'm going home! I love to everyone.😘❤️". You go to your car, get in, and put the music back in random. Don't let me down sounds, a song you once dedicated to your husband (but it's another story). You smile because of the nostalgia it gives you. And with that vibe, you start driving home.

You arrive. Your men hold you tight. "We miss you sweetie," he said, kissing you. Miguel looked with a disgusted face. And Rodrigo began to ask, "Is Mommy okay? You smile and say "yeah my love, I'm fine..."

It's nap time and you make your kids sleep, though reluctantly. It's a chance to talk to him about what happened without being suspected.

They are both sitting on one side of the bed. He looks at you, hugs you with his right arm and says "how are you?" You say to him, with his head a little low and without looking at him "I've already done the tests, I sincerely can't wait to go and get them... this is consuming me, hehehe", you say with a certain amount of anxiety. He lifts your face with the other hand so that you can see your eyes. He tells you, even having his hand on your chin, "don't get nervous. You're going to hurt the baby”. He laughs a little and continues "that home analysis for me didn't fail in this case... so, just pretend that there's a little living being among us".

You smile, with tears in your eyes "well, all right, I'll calm down... it's just that this has happened so many times, but I still can't help but get nervous. He caresses your cheek, smiling in the sweetest way. "That's my girl," he says and kisses you on the forehead. Then he hugs you, while you lay your head on his shoulder. You hug him too, very tight. “I love you, huh? You know that my feelings are truth...". He kisses your head, saying "I know it honey, I know it..." without enduring tears falling down his cheeks. Tears of happiness, not pain. Tears of feeling at home with you another day.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2

The fate wanted that until the next day you couldn’t go to withdraw the result before. You went last minute on Friday.

You arrive hurriedly to the laboratory to remove it, the receptionist sees you with a strange face. "I've come to pick up some results. She still looks at you in surprise and says "in the name of...". You tell her your name and she looks for you in a pile of results. He finds it. She puts it in an envelope and extends it to you. "Thank you" you say a little nervous and smiling. "You're welcome, have a good night. You almost ran to the door.

When you leave the lab, you’re so eager; so you take out the paper with the result. Positive. And you have a two months pregnancy. Your husband was right.

You get home. All three receive you. "Mommy's okay?" asks Rodrigo. "Yes, my love... very well," you say, looking at your husband and smiling. Then he hugs you much harder than usual. He says in your ear "I told you so, baby...". They both endure the crying. Miguel then says "they seem very happy. I like see a happy mommy and daddy" and he hugs you even stronger. But Rodrigo suspects that there is something strange...

August 19th. The big day.

He's still sleeping in bed, very deeply. You and your children approached him very slowly. You sat on the edge of the bed, trying to be stealthy. But your children jumped energetically towards him, shouting "Happy birthday daddyyyyyyy!" You can't help but smile. He wakes up surprised, he doesn't understand the situation for a few moments. Then, hug your babies "thank you little children", as he smiles and a few tears slip out of his eyes. He looks at you and you say "Happy birthday my love" with a big smile.

After a warm family time, he says "well, I have to get up". Your babies get a little sad out of bed.

It was time to make preparations. Many of your husband's friends will come to celebrate his birthday, so you ask the three of them for help to speed up the work.

After two hours leaving everything in order, they were ready to receive the guests. Catering came on time, you didn't want your husband to cooking on his birthday. There were options for all tastes, including vegetarian snacks for that friend of your husband's with whom he always discuss.

The music began to play from that very loud moment. Both your husband and your kids started to dance with Super Freak.

The guests start to came. Your house its full of joy, music and the smell of food.

Rodrigo and his little friends were playing hide-and-seek. He can't think of a better place to hide in your study, where your analysis results were over the desk. See that strange paper for him and he runs towards you. He forgets the game. This was more important.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! What does it say on this paper? Come on, tell me!

After five minutes of insisting, you take him aside with your husband and say "you're going to have a little brother or sister soon." You didn't finish telling him, that Rodrigo begins to shout very loudly "my mommy is going to have a baby!"

Silence. Your guests saying "is it true?"

"Mommy, Daddy. Tell them," insists the boy.

You didn't want to tell them before because you've already lost a pregnancy, before Rodrigo. And that made you very bad. They preferred to wait until the fourth month was up.

But apparently things happened in a way that had to cut the tradition.

Your husbands look at you with an immense smile, hug you with one arm and with the other he goes to your belly. With that hand he touches the belly and says to everyone "Rodri is right. We didn't want to tell you yet... but good. This is the best birthday present I can have." Look at the guests. "As much the presence of all of you as that of my children, my wife and this little one who comes to change our routine," he says, looking towards your belly and caressing it gently.

After the hubbub and everyone's congratulations, the birthday then passes with great normality, with lots of loud music, screams of children playing and adults smiling. Obviously, it was not perfect... James, Rodrigo's little friend, threw soda on the floor. And Felix stained the carpet with cake. Things happen.

It gets dark and the guests start to leave.

After making your children bathe and sleep with your husband, you take showers. The shower has relaxed you a lot. Honestly you just want to sleep.

But when you get to the room, there is the light on the bedside table. He was sitting with a soft pillow on his back, against which he was leaning. He was reading a book. When he hears the door, he looks up and puts a bookmark in the book.

"Oh I was waiting for you... my beautiful girl", as I closed the book and left it on the bedside table. All without stopping looking at you.

"Yes, of course, you say that because I don't have a belly yet," you say smiling.

"You're always going to be for me," he says, with a warm smile.

You lie down. He then turns off the light and accommodates your side. "Come" he says to you softly. You lie your head on his chest, while he hugs you. He looks up at the ceiling and says "the best birthday I've ever had, thank you for taking care of everything... although Rodrigo ruined our surprise about the pregnancy," he smiles. "You close your eyes and say "maybe that's how my love had to pass. And of nothing, you know that I do it for you", you say hugging him strongly. He kisses you on the head and caresses your hair. You fall asleep. And he, too, after a few minutes.That night would be one of the last to sleep well in a long time. And internally both knew it. But, it doesn't matter... Christine is worth it.

Tags: @warriorteam1924 (bc you asked for this) @theworksgaga (bc you read the prequel recently and u loved it) @sweetgcreature (with this one I'm being risky lol)

PLEASE reblog if you like it!

#support fic writers #support the bloggers #support me #support painandpleasure86 please #painandpleasure86 fics #painandpleasure86 writes #queen fic #queen fics #fic writing #john deacon x reader #fluff #pregnancy #pregnant #deaky #deacy #john deacon birthday

33 notes · View notes

spekulative · 4 years

Text

starting anew!

hi! if by the odd chance you knew me from my old blog, i realized that i was restricted from carrying out a lot of functions i might want to in the future if i were to grow my blog (it was a sideblog to an old, 2013 blog i had and when i replied to comments or respond to asks it’d be as my primary). so instead i decided to create a new account so that lycho could be my primary blog! since i did have a few posts that i wanted to keep for history sake, this is just going to be a mega post of my past few posts:

apr 6, 2020 - the beginning

day 1 of my journey with ux!

frankly, i’ve been on this journey for the past two years (ever since discovering it) but i feel as though i haven’t made any real progress. i’ve always claimed i wanted to grow and learn more about the field, yet those goals never showed in my day-to-day actions.

this blog is a collection of my progress on this journey to keep myself accountable. the goal is facebook in a year, baby!

i know it’s super idealistic and quite tough for a second year like me who’s not even in a design program (business, actually). but i still want to try. i want to do something for myself for once.

that is why i am committing 4 hours everyday to honing my craft. whether that is learning about ux through watching youtube tutorials, skillshare course, or reading medium articles, or actually practicing the craft by making redesigns or wireframes, i will dedicate this time strictly to advancing my expertise within the field. and this blog exists to keep up with my every step of the way :)

apr 8, 2020 - website overhaul

today I worked on cleaning up the modularity of my existing website a bit, making use of consistent classes instead of hard-coding like i used to! oh how i love modularity!

small win: making a navbar that breaks out of the standard bounding box of the site’s content --> next goal is to make it a sticky navbar with js!

other than my website, yesterday I finished a skillshare course on user-centred design, albeit short, it was really valuable and it only motivates me to continue learning. I’m starting to realize how much I actually like doing this stuff and think it is something that really clicks and not just something im doing for the looks.

slowly but surely getting the hang of dedicated 4 hour time chunks to my craft - i failed yesterday and the day before (woke up around 9/10 instead of starting at 8:30) but today i did pretty well! took a short 20 min nap inbetween haha but I’m still proud of myself overall :)

it’s been pretty depressing and lonely lately with the quarantine (when the sun is shining so bright, teasing me grr..) but I want to get back into a routine and be productive although i do have my lazy days. it just overall makes me feel better because who knows how long we’ll have to live like this. might as well get used to it.

apr 9, 2020 - website overhaul

hi! so today i wanted to be very candid and share that i feel like i did fail today in terms of the goals i had set out for myself, though I reached 1/2 goals so that’s good! the first was to finish refining my website and publish it (check!), while the other was to finish the financial statements for my business assignment but alas that did not end up happening haha, but i forgive myself for it and know that tomorrow will be a new day!

I actually woke up early today (around 7:30, earlier than usual) and felt awake, yet mentally I just wanted to go back to sleep so I ended up getting up at 9:30. I then regretted it and beat myself up for it briefly for doing that, but I realized that I should let myself off in these strange times we’re all living in right now.

so, i think i really am going to get serious about my design journey! my only concern is that i feel like im stretching myself too thin - i have a full time design internship offer for this summer for a startup, as well as 2 leadership positions on clubs where I lead/work on the branding and design, but also at the same time I”m always at home so not sure what is reasonable and what is not. Because when I’m not doing that, I want to be self-learning, but I recently a discovered a mentorship program where I could be mentored by a startup founder to help scale her business, but again I feel like I’m stretching myself thin. though it’s a really good opportunity.

anywho, updates on my website like this post was supposed to be about is that i finally published it again after not liking how it looked before, and i think this revamp is a lot cleaner! proud of it. i try not to reveal many of my personal details on here bc i’m not sure who would actually be reading it, but this blog is just a way for me to track, myself, how i’m doing and to keep myself accountable :) i just didn’t want to set it to private cause it’s a hassle for me to always enter the password if i want to look at my blog.

lastly, i want to start consistently workout - and in the long term actually start a real blog where I write about my experiences, in actual coherent sentences! amazing. creative-wise i really want to start learning 3d illustration and blender, even though i’m an aspiring product designer but i just love 3d and motion, so idk might be stretching myself too thin again but i feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles this way and push myself as a creator. also starting the daily ui challenge again tomorrow after giving up a few months ago - haha!

let’s see how this one pans out :)

apr 10, 2020 - learning + starting anew

today i started two new things !!

restarted daily ui challenge after quitting a week in last year

started to learn blender ! !

i still feel like i failed today because i mostly sat around doing nothing OTHER than design, which just affirms to me that im truly passionate about this stuff for only having motivation to do it (or just a strong will against my homework for uni still....either way im taking it)

although i’m not that great at blender yet and felt frustrated during the process, when i got the end result i realized i like how it turned out despite it not being perfect, and it’s inspiration for me to keep learning and expanding on my skills :)

same with daily ui - i found that my approach this time compared when i literally knew NOTHING about ux was very different.

for example, something I already notice I'm doing differently from the last time is focusing less on decoration and more on practicality, actually naming/grouping layers and leveraging design systems, and injecting personality to make the experience delightful. I'm also limiting myself to two hours now (though this one took about an hour) so I have more time to do some research, sketch and wireframe before styling.

looking forward to a better day tomorrow! i might do a little less design (maybe just a daily ui shot) so i can focus on actually tackling the report i’m supposed to finish as well as study for an upcoming exam, so we will see! feeling good :))

1 note · View note

96xie · 4 years

Text

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

2 notes · View notes

bedlamgames · 5 years

Text

Q&A #100

Yes, been a hundred of this things. Totally a meaningless milestone which is one of my oldest tags on here (assuming any are left after the purge...) still I thought I’d do something for it.

Specifically I’ve gone back over the old Q&A’s and found some favourite questions and answers which I’ll be including in this after the usual round of outstanding ones. Possibly also with some extra commentary where appropriate.

Anonymous said: Hey. Any pair of characters connected by an Owned relationship/reputation seems to crash the game if you use either one of them on an assignment. Any chance of this being fixed?

- That should be sorted in yesterday’s update.

Anonymous said: Got a Forest Goblin with both Dancer and Clumsy. This seems like a very strange combination, but imagining it kind of makes me want to laugh my head off.

- Agreed I think that just works due to being amusing. Less poetry in motion and more of a limerick.

Anonymous said: In No Haven 0.871 the trait " Elementalist: Air " does not appear when using the estimate value function.

- Cheers for pointing out that oversight. Will sort.

Anonymous said: Hi sory english isn't my native langage, In No Have 0.871 TF Edition I have aquired a slaver But with a bug first i don't know how i acquire her and two she had noting , no name no perk jus a little description i will copy the full examine optin on it : - - - - ExamineName: Race: - Sex: - Status: - Reputation: Traits: Condition: 0 Will: 0 Estimated Value: 0 has a flat chest, a regular pussy, and has an unremarkable ass. She is the same size as most goblins, and .She is .

- That looks like an empty character in all respects. I believe there was an issue with Ritual Casting where that could happen and is now sorted. If you see it happen again please let me know what you were doing when they appeared.

Anonymous said: Hey Bedlam, watched stream where you discussed not selling slaves debuff, thing is i always imagined slavers being in this business for fun and pleasure first, and gold second. I mean why else would they agree to live in some Skyrim style, long abandoned really, hard to get to fort in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills and marshes(at least that how i imagine it)? So maybe you could make something like,"no new slaves, or slave training for X days, getting bored" or something like that?

- It wouldn’t be too harsh at all. Just a bit of a poke to encourage that you’re business model is based around being a slaver over the leader disappearing to the coast for a week and returning with suspiciously large amounts of gold. In that case you’ve got to think that your slavers might feel that they’re surplus to requirements :D

Anonymous said: I hope you're happy for taking so many hours of my life away from me lol. But playing this again; got a question about NH. Any plans on making some rival groups that we can interact with? Diplomacy, getting tribute, ect. It would be kinda cool to have rivals that push you along

Glad you’re enjoying it!

Likely yes. There’s ways currently now to set up a few ways to get tribute every so often. More groups though who are more hostile than the not-witches in the marshlands or the mistress of the Ensnared Rose are sure to be a thing sooner or later.

doof-ex-machina said: Have you read the Gorean saga by John Nornan? If yes, did it influence your vision of the No Haven world? Gor explores a legal female-oriented slave system, yheah, but there are pretty close similarities with NH in regards to the numbers of ‘fodder’ and the ways of training. Anyway, me personally thinks your world is even better because magic and draenei/succubi boobs, duh.

I haven’t but I am aware of them in general.

NH is a lot more equal opportunities than Gor where males doing it to females, females doing it to males, and all possible variations of that including others like futanari and sissies are likely to happen. Still high praise indeed, thanks!

And now onto some old questions starting with one from before where I realised beginning to combine these might be a good idea.

onedrift from 2015: Trying this again...what's your coder fuel of choice? Red bull, Monster, coffee? None of the above? Soon to be bimbofied slavemakers want to know!

- Heh, totally giving my nationality away (if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already) but the fuel of choice is copious amounts of Earl Grey tea.

Anonymous from 2015: Hiya, been a fan of your work for a long time, captions and games thanks for making them, but a question regarding whorelocks revenge, is it possible to get the tangle infection and bonds of insanity? in all my time playing them I never had either I dont think.

- Not in the current version. Basically I wasn’t happy with the implementation in terms of how they were removed so I disabled them for a bit till I can sort it out… which unfortunately has lasted quite some time.

Soon as I got this No Haven update done they’re top of my list of things to sort in Whorelocks.

(Oh zogging hell. Still not done that yet... Extenuating circumstance for sure with NH taking off and WR was still in RAGS at that point, but even so)

Anonymous from 2015: This is probably a poor place to respond to your open-ended poll question, but have you looked into Twine?

- I’ve looked at Twine and when I one day get round to Rough Landing 3 it’s definitely going to be done using it, but to me it looks like an incredibly poor fit for working on No Haven.

(Oh past me why would say such a thing even if it did make a lot of sense at the time. Let’s hope that guy was wrong)

Anonymous from Q&A #1: Title image is hype, cant wait for next update. recall you mentioned that you had enchantments planed for the update after next (or something there abouts) how far ahead have you planned ahead and any spoilers for the update after this one? :D

- Why thank you! I have several pages bullet pointed of what I have planned along with what I have in my head. For stuff not in the next update I’d say not counting more slave training assignments and options and more assignments in the other areas the big bits of content outstanding are;

Way more potions. (Still do do)

Enchantment/cursing of items system. (Also still do do)

Crafting Devices. (Also, also still do do)

Ways to manage encampments when they get to large by sending slavers/slaves to new areas to provide ongoing gold/supplies along with the occasional assignment. (Oh dear, also, also still do do)

More stuff for you like going on every assignment, bad ends for some of them, more interactions, being enslaved and so on. Basically lots more sub and also some dom content for when you’re not managing the encampment. (Woo progress made! Bad ends for some assignments going on are indeed a thing. Still work to do as I do want to give Crossbones and Into the Depths the QAYL treatment sometime)

Special events that will occur every so often that will affect things be it for good and bad. This will include a way to get a lost slaver back though perhaps forever altered by their experiences. (Woo again this is done. Definitely could do with more done with)

Encampment reputation to reflect a slaver’s standing with how the other slaver’s see them. This will includes slavers becoming slaves and visa versa. (On a roll now as a great deal of this implemented)

More biomancy options and improving thanks to a multi-part assignment. There will also be other multi-part story based assignments. (Partially done and the biomancy multi-part assignment has been started)

And a bunch more basically but those are the priorities after this next update. Probably not all in the same update though.

Anonymous from Q&A #6: I would play the hell out of Paranoia set in No Haven.

- Temptation to give slavers and you conflicting secret societies and agendas rising.

Y’know like…

Dire Panthers: A mottley band of young savage orcs, amazons and trolls out to raise hell by breaking stuff, setting stuff on fire and generally being a nuisance to everyone.

The Cooperative: A dedicated group of Frozen Queen cultists out to oppose the Human Empire by working together to make things better for the common people… till you know the Queen awakens and buries all the land in eternal ice.

Mage Smashers: Magic iz like wrong an’ stuff! We smash dem in dere stupid face till dey not so smart.

Fellowship-Fel: The denizens that lurk beyond our reality and infect our dreams with tainted nightmares are our friends! We must expose ourselves to as much corruption as possible to make ourselves like them. We see no flaws in this plan whatsoever, you see the chorus of whispers in our minds entirely agrees with us.

Psion: No changes need to be made whatsoever from the original version.

Trekksters: …and I think that’s enough of that, or further evidence of why I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near RAGS or indeed tumblr when I have my old sourcebooks nearby :D

(Also apologies to most of you who have no idea what that was about!) (This is still far too much of a good idea)

Anonymous from Q&A #17: 2/2 and another hilarious one: Your succubus slave Jaeil was not looking so hot right now so Virholen just held her close and told Jaeil that everything would be alright. Jaeil was oddly quiet everytime you looked in on them and you wonder if they have resigned themselves to their fate. Condition: 45 (Change: 20) - Will: 47 (Change: 15)

After their mistreatment Jaeil sees no reason not to only care for them self as clearly no one else will leaving them hardened and even outright cruel. usc++

- You win best bug report in ages, that is beautiful :D

Anonymous from Q&A #37: Will there be other spirit races in the game besides wisps, such as undynes, gnomes, and dryads? And finally Im new to patreon. I decided to pay for the your character teir but ask for a unique because I dont really understand it. Is the “play your character” a scenario or what? And where do I go to talk with you on what I would like for it?

- True story, I had to google undyines and for ages I couldn’t work out what you were referring too as so many of the results were of that character from Undertale :D

Undines themselves would be no, but I do have a water spirit of a kind planned. (Still do!) Gnomes no, as I’m happy with Hakh Dwarven and the various Goblins as my short races. Dryads absolutely yes, and will be one of the advanced races. See the last Q&A for more details of those.

Thank you for your support! Those options are for those that want to play a specific character that isn’t available in the standard options or design a specific slaver that you can have in your encampment. If you want to see some examples of ones others have asked for before on the playable character front then Orc Wright Raptor, Lago’Mae Scholar or Goblin Underground Potioneer would be a good ones to look at to start off with.

As for the unique slavers then pretty much any of the slavers available under Strong Right Arm/Recruiter.

How much detail you want to go into is up to you. If you want to say oh I just want a Kitsune lady who likes to pole-dance then I’d put something together for your approval, or you can go full on detailing everything about them from their art, description, traits etc. and I’ll work with you to the point I’m happy having it as an option in the game. (Note: If you want an entirely new race like the Golems you need to go for the lore tier given the significantly larger amount of work involved)

For discussing please send me a message on patreon and we can take it further from there.

One thing to bare in mind is that patreon only charges at the end of the month, and so while I’m more than willing to talk it out, if you want to me to do a lot of work on your request I’m going to need to see a pledge go through first. It sucks I know, but this is the unfortunate reality of the internet that alas trust can only go so for.

I’m always happy to discuss things though, I really am, and some people have asked to pay some of their pledge upfront via paypal to get round this which is not a problem if that’s what you want to do.

valhallaimmortan from Q&A #47: I managed to get a elven smith who makes fancy armor that is usually masterwork quality, and equipped my ‘Basher’ Squad with it, the Basher’s are all Ogre’s who I recruited and I have a alchemist who seriously creeps me out with how many petrification potions he has been pumping out. I also like the Lago'mae Scholar how now the Lizard man is using her as his new project… poor Scholar… and I got to ask is it actually possible to recruit a keldan from the keldan mission in the city?

- I love this question, absolutely adore it, and you made the patron who requested the lizardman unique really happy when I mentioned it to them. If people want to send in their favourite/amusing/interesting slavers/slaves that have resulted from generation and gameplay I might do a tumblr post series on them called ‘Tell me about your Character’.

As to the question yes she should be on the critical result.

Anonymous from Q&A #61: Silly question. For clothing and armor, what in your mind is the major difference between micro, and impractical? I can’t really visualize a difference between the two when reading armor/clothing descriptions. Scandalously short is divergent enough that it creates its own image for me. The other two seem as if they would be interchangeable, but they aren’t since there is a distinction so what is it?

- Yay silly questions are always the best questions. Okay micro is where you have outfits that are recognizable bits of clothing but it’s incredibly brief so a skirt that’s more a belt than actually trying to cover anything whatsoever and/or a bikini top so teeny-weeny that it doesn’t even cover all of the nipples. Completely impractical though is the kind of clothing beloved by a certain kind of fantasy art which just doesn’t make any kind of sense whatsoever where looking good trumps any pretension of realism, and the only way it could stay on is either with copious amounts of glue or magic being involved.

Anonymous from Q&A #66: Hello again! I’m the guy who asked about the post-slave [slaver] titles. I’m going to very respectfully push the idea that ex-slaves should get unique titles. First, I honestly think having the unique titles is cooler. It’s more interesting to send a Chosen, an Acolyte, and a Hedge-Witch on an assignment than it is to send three Slavers. It’s a rarity thing, sort of? If you get a character who qualifies for one of those things, it’s a BIG DEAL. Secondly, it already changes with jobs, so…

- Alright, alright, you’ve twisted my arm :)

That should now be included for the most recent update along with a couple of new titles so that all of the more rare traits (not counting crafting ones) should have one. Let me know if there’s any issues as while it was a fairly straightforward change I didn’t get a chance to test that particular bit.

Thanks for reading and here’s to another hundred of these.

#Q&A #meaningless milestones

2 notes · View notes

hobidreams · 5 years

Note

hi there!! are you in uni at the moment? im really not sure if you’ve ever answered that, im only asking because I start uni in about two weeks and I’m NERVOUS. I was wondering if you had any advice? if this is too personal you don’t have to answer it at all I understand. but thank you! :) ps LOVED the second chapter to the yoongi story can’t wait for the third

hii love. yes i am!! OF COURSE i am happy to give advice! this is more general advice, but if you want to give me a few more details about your situation (housing/faculty/etc), i can give more specific tips!! pls do keep in mind i’m in Canada and in Arts so my experiences may be different depending on where you are! feel free to send in another ask if i didn’t answer a question you had :)))

this got so long, hence the cut! sorry mobile users if it doesn’t show up.

GO TO OFFICE HOURS

i know everyone says this but it is SO important. i have to write a lot of papers & every professor has a different way of marking. i usually ask them to look over an early draft of my introduction/thesis to make sure i’m going in the right direction. this has resulted in at least going up half a letter grade, if not a full one!

you also get to know the professor better, in case you need them in the future for a recommendation letter or help with something.

it’s also a good opportunity to ask any questions you may have about upcoming homework, etc. profs will often drop hints about what they’re looking for!

DO YOUR READINGS

seriously. some people will swear you don’t need to read anything, but i find that i can only write papers by picking out niche moments in the text. many textbooks for science courses are very useful & it’s great if you can take notes on the material before time! or even skimming it will put you in better shape for the lecture.

LEARN HOW TO COOK

university campus food is SO EXPENSIVE. i spent so much time on campus my first year & i spent like $15-20 a day on food (2 meals). learning to cook is not only better for your health, but waaay better for your wallet. curry is really great for meal prepping on the weekends.

FIGURE OUT POTENTIAL PATHS

are you interested in grad school in the future? you may have requirements you need to take. please don’t think you need to decide on anything right now!! but if you have any vague idea at all, it’s a good idea to take a look at what you need to get in IF you decide to go that way. you don’t want to be in fourth year & realize you need to stay an extra year bc you didn’t take this one super specific class.

ex. i want to go to law school, so in first year, i looked up the average admittance GPA of unis in Canada + figured out my schedule for when i need to take the LSAT. that helped shape my plan for uni!

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

i know. it’s so hard. i’m the worst at making friends but i make an effort to talk to at least one person in every class. this is important not only if you get sick/miss lecture & need notes, but also because you could potentially make some great friends!

join clubs. it’s a great way to meet new people & maybe learn a fun activity while doing it! your uni will likely offer a clubs day. this will really enrich your university experience!!

LET YOURSELF FAIL

you’re going to fail/do poorly in some things. it’s inevitable, since you’re doing something new. give yourself time to grieve over a bad mark, but then move on. look at how you can improve (doing more practice tests? studying this particular area?)! one fail is not the end of the world. even a failed course isn’t the end. you can always try again.

a lot of my friends failed because of poor studying habits carried over from high school. don’t be this person. uni is HARD and requires a lot of work.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH/MANAGE YOUR TIME

if you get sick, you will be out for WEEKS. & while sometimes it’s unavoidable to pull an all-nighter, don’t think you can get away with doing it all the time. the work you put out during those hours won’t be the best anyways, so it’s not worth it. make sure to plan your time out as best as you can.

i find for writing papers, i do it best in small chunks over several days so i always start early. others like to dedicate a whole day to writing it without breaks. just don’t leave it until the last minute & find what works for you!

mental health is also really important. i believe most unis have accomodations for mental health & if you have a pre-existing condition (like ADHD, etc), make sure to reach out to them so they can get you things like extra time on exams, etc.

but in general, do things that make you happy! you don’t need to spend every minute studying, even if it is before a big test. tbh, i find that relaxing for a few hours the night before a final helps me retain information better than if i was cramming.

ENJOY YOURSELF

i’m not going to lie, it’s going to be a hard several years. but school is not the end all be all. so, if you want to go to a party instead of studying, well, do it. have fun. live your life!! of course, you want to keep a good balance between your fun / school, but please enjoy yourself!!!!

#so sweet that you thought of asking me :')#i hope i was able to help <3 #feel free to pop back in once your uni starts & keep me updated on how it's going!! :)#i wish you nothing but the best #rain reply #dreamers #my two drops worth

5 notes · View notes

rqs902 · 5 years

Text

qcyn ep 8 aka the loss of some real talent..... (but also, thankfully, some needed recognition was given as well)

psa im probably gonna be posting stuff involving some spoilers soon, so ill tag them as #qcyn spoilers and you can feel free to block those posts if you dont want to see them!

awwwwwww shi mingze helping mingming get people’s attention is the cutest friendship!!! mingming is so quiet... i love a supportive mingze!!! also thank you iqiyi for giving him more screentime!! i can notice it already!

LOL sun zelin in this rap heavy group..... but this group is already the most fun group hahahah omg ye ziming talking about the fact that he knows he’s not likely gonna make it so he needs to help those kids who are more popular get better......... UGH WHY DO PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE THIS AMAZING CHILD. oh my goodness this is so sad.... the fact that THE KIDS WHO KNOW WHAT THEYRE DOING had to make a club dedicated to helping the kids who dont.... bc they know theyll make it instead of themselves....... that just means that they all know the next elim is gonna get rid of a whole lot of real talent. thats so messed up.... this whole montage is like iqiyi being like “thanks for helping our kids look nice on stage, once you’re done, you’re gonna be forced to leave. byeeeee”

OMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOMGG LIN MO IS A CANDIDATE FOR CENTERRRR YESSSSSSSS I CANT BELIEVE!!!!! AMAZING!!!! also look at all the tyger members together aww

LOL lian huaiwei is just so funny just talking LOL. wait. so about that clip of lin mo helping chaoyuan and youwei that came out earlier this week. chaoyuan and youwei arent even in his half of the group. that means lin mo went out of his way to help them even tho he hasnt been practicing with them as closely as like huaiwei. wow he not only helped his own group but he went out to make sure everyone in their larger group got special help, AND youwei still called him “teacher” which means lin mo is probably regularly helping him. wow. man,, they didnt show any of lin mo’s group’s practice wtf........ i swear iqiyi is about to drop jia yi or something bc i thought theyd at least wanna show some of him.... but the small bit we saw of their dance wow lin mo is gonna do sooo well ahhhh he looks so good already, even in these lumpy practice clothes, im so excited to see him on stage

lol yaoyao (yao bolan) is in the super cute grouppp hahahhaha but ahh him talking about every faking their happiness really.... shows how observant and sensitive he is to his friends’ feelings, which is aw....

OMG THEY JUST SKIPPED ANNOUNCING the lower ranks ???? i mean i get u gotta be time efficient, but thats a little too efficient??? omg but sun zelin!!! and wu chengze!!! and wu zelin!! omg wang jiayi dropped so much. iqiyi has seriously just dropped him like a hot potato wow. CHEN SIJIAN WENT UP WHOOOO lol the creativity is real in this one hahahaha his speech

ok im sorry but wtf how did these three (14-16) get in front of lin mo, excuse me???? sigh.... oh well, at least hes still within top 20, i just want him to at least make it to top 20... lol they only let like 3 kids talk...... this is just too efficient yall.....

omgosh........ shi zhan and yaoyao........... ahhhhhhhhhhhh my heart ;;;;; yaoyao’s smile......... another bg project boy is gonna leave ahhh

yao chi’s speech omg..... the child has seriously been through a lot of mental trauma look at how much he’s shaking goodness

omg i cant believe jia yi dropped so much...... wtf.......... are people blind???? iqiyi is really about to drop him omg i really think they havent been giving him enough screentime alskdjlk wow way to randomly cut off jia yi’s thank you to zhan yu.... wtf i need more jia yi + zhan yu time.... zhan yu is like jia yi’s favorite gege.... omg zhan yu’s tears ahhh zhan yu may say that he wishes he could be the maknae but he honestly cares so much for jia yi, even tho he’s not much older than him, its so aw.....

omg i just looked up ye ziming on weibo and hes friends with guanguan, changbin, zhu zijie and zhong yixuan??? omggg fandom clash wowow

this segment with these kids with disabilities........ i dont know how i feel about this...... it feels problematic to me....... the trainees dont know what theyre doing, so how is this benefitting these children? if anything its just to make the trainees look like theyre doing some great charity work or something, but i dont appreciate the attitude some of them have towards these kids... i get theyre frustrated and werent properly prepared to interact with them, which i dont blame them for, but its like why is this segment even a thing, iqiyi??? theyre just coming in and using these kids as a backdrop to make themselves look nice, and not actually doing anything sustainable or meaningful to help them... what good is it to get these kids to like them and get familiar with them just for them to leave within a few hours? its just another person who came and left........

omg guan yue is second omg good for you, child!!!!!!!!!!!!! good good good im glad, he deserves it!!!!!!!

lol they better show the other rounds of this basketball tournament in the extra clips..............

these ads are getting more and more ridiculous im ??? cowboys ??? ?

NOOOOO ZHAN YU!!!!!!!!! 37!??!!?!!! I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE SO CLOSE AGAIN!!!!! ALSKDJLKJLK FIRST ZHEN NAN 61 AND NOW ZHAN YU 37 AGHHHHHH ok but i cant even be mad at yuzhi bc i know he deserves it too.

OMG WHY THE FRICK WOULD YOU CHOOSE WENHAN /?!?!??? AGAIN!??//!? THEY SHOULD BE PICKING KIDS THAT NEED TO GET PICKED!!!!!! WENHAN IS THE LEAST OF YOUR CONCERNS GOODNESS GRACIOUS ALSKDJLASKJDL

omg boyuan!!! they really like boyuan hahah but he deserves it too and zhuo yuan being so so happy for him is the sweetest ahhhh and junjie crying ahhh i love these 3 roommatesss

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS ZHAN YU!!!!!!! YESY YESYEYS YES!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!??!? THAT MEANS WE HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE ALL 3 TYGERS ON THE SAME STAGE!!!!!!!!!! ALKSDJLAKSDJLAKSJDLJK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OMGOMOGMOMGG THANK YOU SO MUCH i was thinking “they really like zhan yu hahhaa they picked zhan yu last time, maybe theyll pick him again”---- THANK GOODNESS AHHHHHH ok but im kinda disappointed they literally didnt show lin mo’s reaction... only jia yi’s.... which i feel like is bc they enjoy playing off of jia yi’s emotions more.... which makes me feel (again) like theyre using the other tyger members as backdrop for jia yi, rather than respecting their friendship and group as a whole? like theyre all really amazing friends and people, theyre not just “jia yi and his friends”, if you get what i mean... but jia yi being so so happy i love!!!!! im so so so happy for them ahhhh yessssss you go zhan yu, you are amazing!!!!!!!!! get that recognition!!!!!!!

omg zhuo yuan being so happy for his friends is honestly the cutest. im sad that he didnt make it... yao chi and mingming being so happy i love!!!!!! good for yechen! his voice is honestly really nice and very unique!

frick i cant believe they didnt notice ye ziming.... and su yuhang.... they deserved better......... cheche crying ahhhh li you and kou cong deserved better too... ahhh seeing guan yue crying more than cheche or mingming crying more than kou cong, or ye ziming comforting others... its like the kids who are left are so sad for them, the kids who were actually eliminated.. this friendship is ahhhhh

man, i was just getting to know and like yaoyao and cui shaopeng too...

this is so sad for zhuo yuan and jiahao tho, like all the kids around them, physically and also in the ranking, went up, but not them.... i wonder if jiahao had been given screentime during his last stage, he wouldve gotten more votes... but bc of the hair thing, he got cut out of the ep even tho he was center......

man, fangzhou is the last core one member left........

oh my goodness.......... that ending................. oh my goodness.................. why does this have to happen to huo zhong.................... oh goodness thats gonna be such a drastic change from huo zhong to the super cute song...... i hate to say it, but i feel like none of them would want to go there LOL ahhhhh how will guan yue choose???? laskdjlaskjlk ok im hopeful that he at least wont choose zhan yu (because hes not cute LOL) but i really really hope lin mo can stay too oh gosh.......... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guan yue....... (i know ding feijun is also there but im guessing guan yue is gonna be the main decision maker) but if hes smart he wont choose kids who will have trouble learning a whole new dance, which means.... he is likely to take more skilled trainees....... UGH IM SO WORRIED. but tbh i guess.... even if lin mo goes from super cool handsome center to a super cutesy backup dancer.... i guess... he’ll get to challenge himself and try a new style.......... which i guess... isnt terrible........ he’ll be cute, im sure.... so as long as he can still make it into top 20, i wont be terribly distraught. honestly i feel like im being rather reasonable as a lin mo stan, like I’m not asking for him to get as much screentime as like wenhan, just at least enough so that we can tell that he exists and was there (COUGHepisode7COUGH), and I’m not asking that he be center every time or that he get into top 9, i just want him to get recognition, respect, and into at least top 20. I think he can do it!!! hes working so so hard, despite being injured, and hes helping so many other kids..... i just wish his work can be acknowledged.

oof now thats its down to 2 votes a day... its time we see who people’s real biases are... im guessing theres gonna be some drastic changes in the rankings from here, bc the kids who are just well-liked by everyone but not actually “biased” will be dropped like crazy. i know who im gonna vote for, but im sad it means i wont be able to vote for some kids who i know will really need votes too..... but i believe you can kinda tell which kids are “bias” material and which are more just generally well-liked. that’s all im gonna say about it, but for everyone who’s voting, just choose wisely bc some kids will need your votes more than others, just saying....

lol guan yue’s psa to eat more fruit..... okay guan yue, okay hahahahhaha

wow i cant believe chen you and li you both got clips in the ending credits and also ye ziming even got 2 clips......... i swear they only started giving ye ziming screentime after it was too late??!!!? like they finally realized hes super funny and talented and #amazing and felt bad but ITS TOO LATE IQIYI laksjdlaklklk ill say it again ye ziming deserved better. on his weibo he says he’ll be coming out with new stuff soon tho!!! so im super excited and will def be keeping a lookout bc im sure itll be legit c:

#rants #WELL thats over with #still annoyed at how quickly they sped thru everyone but top 10... lol iqiyi can you pls try to hide your bias for once???#qcyn spoilers

6 notes · View notes

sam-miniature-pigeon · 5 years

Text

Personal Life Update/Rant:

I was so happy not too long ago. I got a depression spike and all it was was “Huh, I feel a little sad.” I was doing so well and then something apparently happened and screwed it over for me so now all I want to do is die or rot in the ground until I’m completely forgotten. I went out and bought a guitar and during the days when my family isn’t home, before work, I’m going to dedicate to learning how to play it. Despite its cost and impact on my financial stability, I really feel like it’s going to help my mental state. I love playing music and I love learning to play music. I really miss it from high school. I feel like a guitar is a great change of pace and more opportunity opening that clarinet or flute? I’ve been writing that garbage self-insert fanfiction to feel like my daydreams are a reality. It’s really embarrassing, but I think I’m at 15 pages? I’ve not written in a couple of days. I started in the new dining room and I’m in there every single day until next Saturday when I go back to my usual dining room. I feel very awkward there. I hate training because I’m so useless and standing in a corner, trying to be helpful, and praying I’m not making the night go worse. Work has been very stressful lately and I’m starting to get burnt out. The new dining room is a change of pace, but it’s so relaxing to work with my usual residents- and then I get snapped out of the relief when I get screamed at from some jerk who thinks they’re in charge of me. Like, no sweetheart, why don’t you worry about your own job before you hound me on mine. I lost 3 friends just this week! That’s been weighing on me a lot!! At the age of nearly 20, I realized that maybe I should expect to be treated like a human being rather than a doormat. I’ve confronted every single one of them on multiple occasions and they have proven that they don’t care about my feelings. So I cut the one off and she is completely unphased- and then she suddenly broke up with her boyfriend and called me for support. She only talks to me when she needs something, not that I wasn’t as kind as I could be trying to comfort her. But she’s not talked to me since. Nor had we talked nearly a month beforehand. The other girl is asking our friends if I seem aggressive and bitchy. Apparently, she feels this way because I was upset that others had left so much trash in my car that I had cleaned out. And because I shouted at her for being so reckless- wanting to travel half the country away to meet and sleep with a stranger, without anyone going with her to make sure she’s safe. My concern is aggression, I guess. And the last friend is someone I recently fought with in front of everyone. He was hurting my feelings with namecalling and bullying. I was quiet about it, hinted about it, outright told him about it and he said: “I don’t care.” I thought maybe he’d grow out of acting like that. He told me he was using my friends and didn’t see any issue with it. I realized that I can’t keep hoping for him to grow up and that he should know how to treat people. And if he doesn’t, he can be alone. I confronted him in our work group chat so everyone could see so it wasn’t a “he said/she said” thing and it escalated wildly. I came to the conclusion that he has his head too far up his ass and has his pride held so closely that he won’t even attempt to understand why I’m upset. Four days later, today, I was trying to text him. I was typing an apology for yelling in front of everyone because I could see how that could have embarrassed him or hurt him in some way. While I was typing he said, “if your texting me to argue forget it cause i wont.” I sent the apology and he told me he isn’t mad at me (because he doesn’t care) and simply replied “im sorry to.” As if the half-ass apology was supposed to fix months of bullying and plain ignorance of my feelings. I would take an apology over text, but the fact that he didn’t take the time to type out more than the bare minimum, and spell it wrong, tells me he really doesn’t give a shit. I feel like all of my other friends are turning their backs on me. I feel like no one wants to be around me anymore. So I’m isolating myself and I hate it. I’ve been really trying to make plans with people and they’ll either blow me off or give me the “yeah! let’s totally hang out soon!” with no follow-up. Or I try to hang out and they leave me on read or even unopened all day. I’m at the point where my friend’s lives are moving in such wild directions that I had a conversation with a friend tonight saying “please don’t forget about me.” He says he’ll pinky promise, but I’m worried because every time I want to hang out, he finds someone else to be with. Either hanging out with them instead of me or inviting someone with us before asking, so it won’t just be the two of us. I don’t know what’s happening. I look like I’m in an alright place. Working every day to save money and pay off school. Passing all of my classes with As and Bs. Impressing my parents with my dedication to my major. Standing up for myself and asking for more hours, opportunities, and respect in my job. Becoming more chill with my boss and other “adults” in my life. Having a more chill and open look. Working out almost daily (been slacking the past few days). I’m really trying hard to look like I’m okay. But I feel bad that I have all these flaws I can’t fix. I feel bad that my mind is so fucked that not even my friends want to be around me anymore. I feel bad that I’m typing out a book “boo-hooing” about my life. I’m just not in the best place right now, and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it. I just want to see my friends. I haven’t seen one of my best friends since February and it’s so hard to even convince him of the idea of coming out. I miss my friends so much. I really feel like I’m never going to be truly happy. I wish I could go back to therapy or something. Or I wish I could just go mute for 90% of the time so I won’t chat people’s ears off and drive them away from me. I’m getting sick of crying every night. Two of my friends were on the phone with me for a lot of this week, gossiping and talking about life. Now neither of them will answer my calls. As soon as someone gives me any attention, I get so excited because !! human interaction!! I just fuck it up. I just want to lay in my bed and rot, and if I keep feeling like this that’s exactly what’s gonna happen.

#personal #rant #depressing #sorry #update #life update #yikes

1 note · View note

fabsgoesagain · 3 years

Text

Season opener

Endlich, der erste Spieltag. Aber beginnen wir von vorne. Die ganze Woche Stand im Zeichen des ersten Spieltags. Taktiken wurden besprochen und einstudiert. Videomaterial wurde gemeinsam angeschaut und durchgesprochen. Bewegungsabläufe, offensives und defensives Verhalten in unterschiedlichen Situationen wurde einstudiert.

Abgesehen von Sport ist wenig passiert. Es war die vorletzte Woche des Terms und somit gibt es bald wieder Noten. Ebenfalls hatte ich genügend Zeit, um nebenbei zu arbeiten.

Samstag, gestern, war es also soweit. Aufstehen um fünf, Proteinshake und duschen, ab zum Bus. Abfahrt um 6.20 Uhr am Morgen. Frider hat den Bus fast verpasst. Die Stimmung war gut und wir davon überzeugt unseren ersten Sieg einzufahren. Fünf Stunden Fahrt lagen vor uns bis nach Hammond in Indiana. Der Gegner Purdue Northwest University. Die Hinfahrt war eine Mischung aus schlafen, Musik hören und einer guten Zeit mit den Jungs haben. Dazu hatten wir uns am Vortag Overnight Oatmeal und Pasta vorbereitet um bestmöglich verpflegt zu sein. Das Spiel begann gut. Wir gingen eins zu null in Führung und konnten dies in der 46 Minute auf 2 zu 0 ausbauen. Leider konnten wir den Druck nicht Stand halten und mussten uns schlussendlich 3 zu 2 geschlagen geben. Ich habe komplett gespielt und mein Knie hat mir keine Probleme gemacht. Abgesehen davon war ich mit meiner Leistung zufrieden. Meine Mitbewohner Stan und Alan haben beide getroffen. Dementsprechend bauen wir auf der Leistung auf, arbeiten hart die kommende Woche und dann gilt es Northwood University am kommenden Wochenende zu schlagen. Deren Spiel haben wir heute online verfolgt. Zusätzlich bekommen wir zwei Spieler zurück, die auf Grund von einem zu schlechten Notendurchschnitt und Verletzung nicht spielen konnten. Ach ja, bevor ich es vergesse. Die fünfstündige Rückreise ist nach so einer Niederlage dann doch nicht mal so schön.

Heute früh stand ein Cool-Down Training auf dem Programm. Die Stimmung war trotz Niederlage gelöst. Dies lag vor allem daran, dass unsere Leistung definitiv in Ordnung war. Wenn man betrachtet, dass wir 6 Spieler auf dem Platz hatten, die noch nie ein Spiel in der NCAA DII bestritten haben und gegen eine Mannschaft gespielt haben, die seit mehreren Jahren zusammenspielt, war es doch ganz beachtlich.

Auf bald, Fabian // Fayette, Sonntag 07. März

https://pnwathletics.com/news/2021/3/6/mens-soccer-bahenas-brace-leads-pnw-to-come-from-behind-victory.aspx

Finally, the first match day. But let's start from the beginning. The whole week was dedicated to the first matchday. Tactics were discussed and rehearsed. Video material was watched and discussed together. Movement sequences, offensive and defensive behavior in different situations were rehearsed.

Apart from sports, little happened. It was the second to last week of the term and so there will be grades again soon. I also had enough time to work on the side.

So Saturday, yesterday, was the day. Up at five, protein shake and shower, off to the bus. Departure at 6:20 in the morning. Frider almost missed the bus. The mood was good and we were convinced to win our first match. Five hours of driving lay ahead of us to Hammond in Indiana. The opponent Purdue Northwest University. The drive there was a mixture of sleeping, listening to music and having a good time with the guys. For this we had prepared Overnight Oatmeal and Pasta the day before to be well fed. The game started well. We took a one-nil lead and were able to extend that to 2-0 in the 46 minute. Unfortunately we couldn't keep up the pressure and finally had to admit defeat 3 to 2. I played completely and my knee didn't give me any problems. Apart from that, I was satisfied with my performance. My roommates Stan and Alan both scored. Accordingly, we build on the performance, work hard the next week and then it's a matter of beating Northwood University next weekend. Their game we watched online today. Additionally, we get back two players who were unable to play due to a poor grade point average and injury. Oh yeah, before I forget. The five hour trip back home is not even that nice after such a defeat.

This morning, a cool-down training was on the agenda. The mood was relaxed despite the defeat. This was mainly because our performance was definitely okay. Considering that we had 6 players on the court who have never played a game in NCAA DII and played against a team that has been playing together for several years, it was quite remarkable.

See you soon, Fabian // Fayette, Sunday 07 March

0 notes

another-mentalhealthblog · 3 years

Text

It all started out with a waffle.

Yesterday morning, I woke up relatively early. It was a Saturday, and I woke up before 7am. I believe this was largely because I woke up to the smell of waffles.

My dad made waffles on his waffle iron, something he now does on occasion, but something that he always used to do when I was a kid.

And that’s the thing.

As a kid, after I grew out of eating cereal, I would always eat two waffles with butter, syrup and a glass of apple juice as my breakfast in the morning before going off to school.

As a child, I didn’t think anything of this. I didn’t think about the calories, the carbs, the sugars, the fats... how “healthy” or “unhealthy” it was for me to be eating that at the beginning of every day.

It was just my breakfast, and it tasted delicious. And that’s all that mattered to me.

But somewhere along the way, the relationship that I had with food changed.

It started when I was a sophomore in high school.

I got out of my first, long relationship. Two years. And needed something else to fixate on, I guess. So I turned to my body.

I began to look at myself in the mirror and realize I hadn’t been taking care of myself, and I didn’t like the way I looked. In reality, there was nothing wrong with the way I looked.

But I told myself I had too much fat on my stomach area. And I didn’t like the way my thighs touched.

So I started working out more, eating “cleaner” and “healthier,” and overall... less.

This is when I started to look at food as “good” and “bad,” ... “healthy” and “unhealthy.”

Food went from just being food... to having all of these different labels and categories.

I even had a calendar hung up on my wall where I would circle the date in green if I had a “good” day where I worked out and ate “clean” and “healthy” all day... in yellow if I felt like I slipped up and could’ve done better... or in red if I didn’t work out and didn’t eat within my clean and healthy standards.

All of these things were aimed around one, singular goal, of changing the way my body looked on the outside, so I would feel more confident about myself.

Little did I remember, that there is so much more to being confident than how you look on the outside.

A whopping seven years ago, I also created my first health and fitness blog on Tumblr, called Believe and Achieve. Where I would reblog transformation photos, photos of girls with flat, toned, tanned stomachs, almonds, fruits, vegetables... everything related to weight loss and shrinking yourself smaller.

On February 27, 2013, I wrote a text post, entitled, “Goals.”

My goals were to exercise every day and keep eating healthy meals and snacks. To not let an unmotivated attitude take over me again and make me lose progress. Keep eating healthy and keep exercising. To make money from babysitting to consider paying for a plan to go to the gym more. To go to the gym minimum of twice a week. To not skip more than a day a week and don’t indulge when it’s “really not necessary.”

I said, “It takes three months. By the end of May and the beginning of summer I will be so happy I started now and not then. I have to get there but I have to start now."

I can go on and on and on about the things I used to write on this Tumblr. I used to be so, terribly hard on myself when it came to eating and exercising. Let us just visit two more, shall we?

Another post I wrote was... “A healthy lifestyle sucks somedays, and today is one of them. I hate how i have this huge weight of guilt on my shoulders after eating three moderately poor meals today and not having time to workout this week. I feel like such a failure. i hate feeling so damn bad for eating things that i wouldn’t have considered “unhealthy” this time last year. it’s good that my eyes are opened and I can tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy, but this guilt thing for eating things that I consider unhealthy now and not working out even though I really didn’t have any time is the worst.”

And another post I wrote was... “someone please help. I NEED to know how to not binge :( i literally can’t have sleepovers or go to parties or vacation without over eating crap food and i know that’s not awful to do every once in a while but i feel like this month i’ve been doing it way more than every once in a while, so it’s not “okay” anymore. and all it does is make me feel bad about myself: while im doing it, all night after i do it, and especially the next day, but i keep doing it. and if i binge really bad then i honestly loose my appetite and don’t want to eat the whole next day even though i know my body needs nutrients. i know im wrong, but i feel like all of this binging has wiped away all of my hard work that i started in the spring because honestly my stomach has definitely gotten bigger and i’ve lost sight of the muscle i was building. if anyone took the time to read this please send me an ask with some advice, i need it.”

And one last post: I constantly caught between wanting to eat 100% clean and healthy so that I see more results, and wanting to enjoy life and being a teenager. I know that sounds silly because if I just dedicate myself to eating clean (or at least cleaner than i do now) for a few weeks, I’ll grow into it and it’ll become a habit and i can still “enjoy life” and “be a teenager.” I also know I can make unhealthy choices in moderation here and there too. but I feel like my unhealthy choices (ex, this past week: pizza saturday night, a barbeque dinner and birthday cake sunday night, pizza tuesday night, suki hana yesterday afternoon..) are putting me in a stand still where I exercise enough, but only eat like 50-60% clean.. so its not that im not seeing any results, just enough to satisfy me. because I’m not fully dedicated, because I want to be able to eat what I want and again, enjoy being a teenager. it’s tough.

So I think we understand how poor my relationship with food was seven years ago.

And what has happened since then?

It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs that would honestly take hours for me to get into.

But I want to fast forward into the present, and talk about my day and night last night, just to show you that change is possible.

So yesterday, I woke up to the smell of waffles. And I will honestly admit that I am still healing my relationship with food, after seven years, because of the internal dialogue that goes on in my head when I smell a food like waffles in the morning.

While this internal dialogue used to be so loud and control the decisions I was making when it came to food, it now a more of a whisper that I can tell to shut the hell up.

It goes a little something like this.

I smell the waffles. I think, “Should I go for it? Or should I eat something healthier - like oatmeal? Or eggs and toast?”

In the past, I would have eaten something “cleaner” or “healthier” to stay “on track” with my goals. Or I would have eaten the waffles and mentally ripped myself to shreds for eating something “unhealthy” and “getting off track.”

But yesterday, I realized how much I have made and am making true growth and progress when it comes to my relationship with food.

Because I reached for not one, but two waffles, without any guilt. I put butter and syrup on them. Even paired them with a cup of coffee with two spoonfuls of dairy free vanilla creamer.

I ate the waffles. Enjoyed every bite. And realized how much growth and progress I have made over the years.

Another thing about yesterday and these waffles was that I knew my family was ordering dinner from The Cheesecake Factory that night.

Normally around this time of year, my family and I spend a day in Philadelphia doing Christmas things and going out to lunch or dinner. Since we couldn’t do that this year because of COVID, we decided to bring the tradition into the safety of our home.

So instead of going out to lunch or dinner, we ordered dinner in from the Cheesecake Factory.

Another proud moment of growth for me.

Because in the past, I would’ve ordered something low calorie, no carb, clean, healthy, etc. Especially when there is a low calorie “skinnylicious” section on the menu.

But the current version of myself wanted a burger. So I ordered a classic burger, with the bun, and french fries. And thought nothing of it, except how much I have grown in my relationship with food, and how excited I was to eat it.

In the past... knowing I had appetizers, a big, fat, burger, and a piece of Linda’s chocolate fudge cake coming for me that night, I would have deprived myself of food during the day, or made sure I ate 110% clean, healthy, low carb and low calorie leading up to the big Christmas she-bang of food at night.

But yesterday... I started the day with waffles. Exercised for my mental health, in a way that felt good to me in the moment. A mix of a 20 minute leg workout, 10 minutes of cycling, 15 minutes of stretching and 5 minutes of meditation.

Had a protein shake after exercising. And did not alter my eating during the day because of what I was going to be eating that night.

Honestly, I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know how I went from being a person who would hate herself if she didn’t eat clean and healthy and workout for 7 days straight. To a person who exercises in such a healthy way, for her mental health, and doesn’t diet or feel guilt around food at all anymore.

Truthfully... I know two of the biggest things that got me here were changing the kinds of people I follow on social media. And allowing myself to break up with the scale, and my old beliefs and habits.

Because we’re humans. We’re meant to grow, change and evolve. You are supposed to and don’t have to always stay the same.

And I am proud to say that I am living, breathing proof that you can go from food guilt and restriction, to complete food freedom.

Eat the waffles. Eat the burger. Eat the fudge cake. Enjoy your freaking LIFE. And then, the next morning, you wake up and move on with your life.

This morning, I went back to my regular routine of coffee and oatmeal. Soon, I’ll have another meal or a snack, maybe exercise for 20-30 minutes, and, again... just continue on with my life.

Your life doesn’t have to revolve around weight loss, achieving a flat stomach, having abs, and always eating “clean” and “healthy” all of the time.

You are allowed to live your freaking life, eat your favorite foods, and do whatever brings you peace, happiness and joy. Especially during the holiday season.

0 notes

auxgod · 5 years

Text

Interview With DJOnTheTrack

In today’s music landscape, independence is seen as a virtue. Full creative control allows an artist to move with more honesty unto themselves. Trusting the process of growth, as well as a self-awareness of the value an artist brings to the table, are both major components to the way an artist tracks their career, almost like an investment banker.

San Diego producer DJONTHETRACK has done a tremendous job of calculating this balance. As the producer of many internet hits, such as the era-defining “Float On“ with 03Greedo, DJ’s ascension into the mainstream level of music-making has come with increased visibility and attention; especially from the labels.

Read below.

AuxGod: Let’s start from the beginning. Where are you from? What was your upbringing like?

DJONTHETRACK: I'm from SAN DIEGO CA, PARADISE HILLS to be exact. Being at the skatepark everyday growing up played a big part on who I am today.. AuxGod: I’m happy you mentioned being at the skatepark. With artist also being skaters and Skaters also being rappers/producers, do you feel the skate community and hip hop community go hand & hand?

DJONTHETRACK: Yes I do. I see lots of Producers/Artist that either use to skate, or still do, Such as Rich The Kid, LilGnar, ATLSMOOK, & etc..

AuxGod: Did you guys grow up with a lot of music being played in the house?

DJONTHETRACK: I Grew up with nothing but music in my house as a kid. My mom always knew what good music was. From when Jay-Z's "The Blueprint" album dropped, to when Kanye West dropped "College Dropout" she was on ALL of that AuxGod: The OG Rocafella days. Did she purchase those albums for you or you saved up to get them? DJONTHETRACK: She was the one who purchased them. I'd just be in the backseat of her old accord listening like "This shit so hard" She did purchase The Game album "The Documentary" for ME though AuxGod: So you were surrounded by music growing up it sounds like. How did you learn how to make beats? Did someone show you?

DJONTHETRACK- Nobody taught me how to make beats. I spent hours day in & day out trying to figure out how to master the basics of FL studio.

AuxGod: That’s dope you stuck with it. Who was the first person you sold a beat to that affirmed you wanted to do this?

DJONTHETRACK: BAD KARMA. My nigga HOPETON (RIP) Introduced us back in like...2010?. Once we did our first song together, I knew this is something I want to pursue.

AuxGod: How do you usually do business with most the artist you work with? Do you link up in person or send beats over email?

DJONTHETRACK: Its like a split in between both. I do send out beats to artist, but I really enjoy meeting IN PERSON. I like creating the sound & vibe with the Artist.

AuxGod: On a Good week how many beats do you make on average?

DJONTHETRACK: MAN on a good week, i'm running through about...15-20 beats no problem!

AuxGod: Out of all the beats you’ve cooked up, What are some of your personal Favorite beats:

DJONTHETRACK: "Dibiase" by 03greedo hands down. I listen to that song every day.

AuxGod: You and Greedo make a fire ass duo and really started to sizzle right before his incarceration. You remember where you were when you found out he was gonna be turning himself in?

DJONTHETRACK: Yes I agree We do! I was actually getting ready to send him some beats, & got a call from his management letting me know the news. Once He touches back down, We'll definitely get back to work

AuxGod: When you're not listening to your own production, what producers does DJ enjoy listening to?

DJONTHETRACK: I listen to a lot of 808MAFIA, a lot of ZAYTOVEN, a lot of MUSTARD, a lot of Pierre Bourne, & a lot of PLUGGZ shit fasho!!

AuxGod: You and well known producer Mexico Merio seem to have great chemistry. How did you two meet

DJONTHETRACK: Ohh yeah that's my brutha 4L. We met back in 8th grade @ Bell. We use to slap all the East hanks in class & at lunch. Later on down the line, Turns out he's making beats too. So once we inked up & cooked our first collab, it was a wrap after that. Nothing but HITS every time we link up

AuxGod: What are three things producers need in 2019??

DJONTHETRACK: PATIENCE, DEDICATION, & CREATIVITY. I feel like with these 3 things, You can achieve anything you put your mind to

AuxGod: With San Diego being such a diverse place, how do you feel about the music scene?

DJONTHETRACK: I fuck with the music scene out here. We got a lot of people doing their thang out here & there's a bunch of Talent hidden all through the city!.

AuxGod: Who are a few artist you feel should be on people’s radar this year?

DJONTHETRACK: From the city, My nigga YHGPNUT is making noise, also BAD KARMA got some shit coming that's gonna fuck the city up!

AuxGod: Is San Diego where you create best? Would you ever move to another city?

DJONTHETRACK: San Diego is my fav city to cook up in. There's nothing like the comfort of being home. My goal is to move up to LA for a bit when the time comes.

AuxGod: Most People Don't Know:

DJONTHETRACK: I do NOT fuck with SeaFood. "If its from the sea, it aint for me" AHAHA

AuxGod: If someone wants to reach out to you to purchase some beats, what's the best way to reach out to you?

DJONTHETRACK: Instagram or Twitter. I'm active on both so ill receive any message that comes my way, & we can go from there.

AuxGod: What’s the best advice anyones ever given you on your way up, and what’s the best advice you’d give to someone who is an aspiring producer?

DJONTHETRACK: SouthSide said

"Don't focus on the money, Focus on the work. With the hard work that's put in, the money will fall right on your lap" I've taken that saying as A Motive ever since the day I heard it. & Also TIME & DEDICATION is the key !!!

AuxGod: What can we expect from DJ for the rest of 2019?-

DJONTHETRACK: FULL WORK MODE. I'm using the rest of 2019 to perfect my sound and take it to the next level. Because 2020 Im taking over!.

I’m jus keeping the solid with the ones I came up with and trying new things.

AuxGod: Anything you’d like to close out with to all the fans and supporters to who appreciation all the work you put in?-

DJONTHETRACK: For all my peoples out there supporting the kid, ITS NOTHING BUT LOVE YALL! I couldn't have made it where I am today without the love & support of you guys reading this.

I promise I'm not stopping until WE on top of this shit! & even when we are on top.

Follow DJONTHETRACK on Twitter and Instagram here.

#dope #Aux God #DJOnTheTrack #Mexico Merio #MexikoDro #StoopidXool #03 greedo #San Diego #Music #Interview #DJONTHETRACK Interview #September #2019 #YHG Pnut #Spotify #spotify playlist #Soundcloud

0 notes