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snkpolls · 3 years

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SnK Episode 70 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 76 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

RATE THE EPISODE 74 responses

Although the response to this week’s episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 95.9% of responses giving the episode 3 or higher, it was a bit lower in comparison to the previous one.

Epic

Very amazing a 💯/10✊

I loved it, as always

Gabi episode? NO BUENO.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING GABI AND FALCO MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 74 responses

Gabi and Falco’s escapades took up the vast majority of the episode, so we wanted to know which one of them was your favorite. An equal amount of respondents (28.4%) seemed to prefer either the moment wherein Gabi came under attack from that perfidious horse or Kaya remembering Sasha and how she saved her life years ago. Closely behind those (25.7%) are the folks preferring the argument between Gabi and Kaya. Another semi-popular option was the scene wherein Kaya showed Gabi and Falco her former village.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS FOCUSING ON OTHER CHARACTERS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 73 responses

We also had a fair bit of scenes focused on characters besides Gabi and Falco. For this question, there was a rather noted diversity in opinions. 24.7% seemed privy to seeing a recurrence of Mikasa’s headache and the flashback to Eren’s killing of the traffickers. 15.1% were most interested in seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning about the cycle. An equal number of responses (13.7%) were most interested in either seeing the discussion between Magath and the rest of the Warriors on their further actions or seeing Hange confront Floch and the rest of the recruits about their recent actions in regards to Eren. Finally, 11% said that their favorite moment was either seeing the conversation between Mikasa and Louise or the conversation between the warriors and shirtless Reiner. A few folks also indicated their enjoyment of the scene wherein Hange was heckled by the civilians or the conversation between Pixis and Yelena.

WHICH FLASHBACK HAD THE MOST EMOTIONAL IMPACT FOR YOU? 73 responses

We’ve had a few small flashbacks in this episode and it seems like the definitive majority (58.9%) enjoyed the flashback about Kaya getting saved by Sasha. 26% were most privy to seeing Mikasa remember Eren killing the kidnappers many years ago and 13.7% enjoyed seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning. One person liked catching the sight of Mikasa’s actions in Trost.

RATE JEAN’S OUTFIT 73 responses

Jean decided to try out a new style, courtesy of Coco Chanel, the Paradis Collection. Not too many were impressed, however, with only 34.8% giving Jean’s fit a 4 or a 5. 24.7% gave it a 3, the rest gave it a lower score.

WHO WERE YOU MORE EXCITED ABOUT TO SEE SHIRTLESS? 72 responses

It looks like Eren won this round when it comes to the showdown of AoT’s rare fan service scenes with 75%.

AOT men are immaculate

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO YELENA? 73 responses

Yelena looks to be a rather popular girl, with 53.4% of respondents noting that they would totally appreciate an opportunity to talk to her. 23.3% aren’t sure and 11% really wouldn’t, in contrast. 12.3% simply don’t care.

WHICH NEW DETAIL DID YOU GET MOST EXCITED ABOUT? 72 responses

For this question, we got a rather colorful pie chart. 26.4% of respondents stated that the existence of a flying boat fueled by iceburst stones is the most interesting detail. That was followed by, in order from more interesting to less interesting according to the poll takers, Blouse family’s involvement with Historia’s orphanage, Yelena making contact with Eren beforehand, the girl Sasha saved in Episode 2 of S2 being Kaya’s identity, the confirmation that Louise was the girl Mikasa saved back in Trost and fact that Floch and his co-minded folks leaked information about Eren to the press and the existence of Eren’s “home”.

GABI SPENDS A LOT OF THE EPISODE SPOUTING OUT THE THINGS SHE’S BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE, A CONTRAST TO FALCO WHO IS MUCH MORE OPEN-MINDED. THOUGHTS? 72 responses

Gabi shouted out a lot of questionable things in this episode, at various points. We’ve asked how the respondents felt about it. The plurality, 37.5% simply saw it as a rather sad state for her. In contrast, 27.8% were actually annoyed with her for that. 16.7% thought that it might have been, perhaps, a result of her attempting to fool herself. We also received a lot of write-ins.

Gabi's IQ is a bit low or she has been brainwashed harder than others

I think it’s just hard for her to see it any other way because she is so young. She was starting to be shaped like reigner, Annie bertholdt.

I understand why she acts like that. Doesn't make it any less annoying tho

I feel so bad for her. Marleyan propaganda and indoctrination is one hell of a drug

Gabi sucks and she just is a trash character

She's just a kid trying to deal with a lot of trauma and new contradicting information whilst also having a winning attitude. Her negative feelings toward Eldians is familiar and so constant hatred is just a coping mechanism.

It only makes sense for her to act this way. Falco and Colt had to join the warriors unit to redeem their uncle’s crimes as part of the restorationists. Gabi has been praised and fed false propaganda her whole life, so yes she would have a harder time rejecting her race’s past history. Children are easier to manipulate/brainwash than adults.

I think she’s clinging to what she knew because she had based her whole identity and goals in life off of these facts. Admitting that these things might not be true would be like denying who she is?? Y’know

Immovable object (my hatred for Gabi because I find her annoying and she killed Sasha) vs unstoppable force (me recognizing she is a child in a traumatic situation who has been brainwashed and raised to believe she must atone for things she is not actually responsible for)

A bit annoying, but I'm hopeful that she will slowly change her mind. Maybe due to realizing Sasha was actually a good person through Kaya/seeing she's no different from them?

HOW DO YOU THINK GABI’S BELIEFS WOULD HAVE DEVELOPED HAD SHE BEEN THE ONE TO MEET EREN INSTEAD OF FALCO? 73 responses

An interesting what-if comes about when thinking about Gabi possibly meeting Eren instead of Falco all those weeks ago and how that would have impacted her personal beliefs. A slight majority (50.7%) believe it wouldn’t have changed much, if at all as a result of that possible meeting. 20.5% think that Gabi would have taken somewhat of a middle-ground position when taking her current and Falco’s current beliefs into account. 17.8% can’t really say for sure and 8.2% don’t seem to care. Only a few believe that Gabi would have started to feeling differently back then.

GABI SEEMS TO BE GENUINELY SCARED WHEN INITIALLY EATING AT THE BLOUSE’S HOME. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BADLY DID YOU FEEL FOR HER? 73 responses

It doesn’t appear that Gabi has garnered that much sympathy for her near breakdown, with 49.3% noting that they really didn’t feel much, if any, sympathy for Gabi. In contrast, 50.6% said that they felt some noted degree of sympathy, mostly on a moderate scale.

It makes me sick to my stomach seeing Sasha's family just treating Gabi so nicely. I know they don't know she's Sasha's killer but I'd really like to see them go horror-flick on her ass and kill her when they learn the truth

THERE SEEMS TO BE A CLASHING OF IDEOLOGIES BETWEEN HANGE AND FLOCH REGARDING WHAT’S BEST FOR THE ISLAND. WHO WOULD YOU SIDE WITH IN THIS SITUATION? 72 responses

Floch states that Eren ensured Paradis a path to survival via the ability to initiate the rumbling, while Hange shows skepticism that the rumbling is even a probable solution to their problems, feeling they should secure their freedom in other ways. 52.8% seem to feel the same way that Hange does, while only 27.8% would take Floch’s side in this differing of views. 12.5% think neither of them are wholly correct and feel there are other options.

Both should co-operate

Fuck ever agreeing with Floch. Who is he to even question their authority. Sit back buddy, relax, have a breather. You only became a main character this season, nothing bads gonna happen if wittle baby ewen is in jail for COMMITING WARCRIMES and forcing his superiors to cater to him. That's lit-rally how the army works.

I want to say I side with floch, but I don’t trust eren.

I don’t know for sure

I think they're both right in their own way.

dont like floch lol

Wish Gabi would've shot Floch instead of Sasha :/

REGARDLESS OF YOUR ANSWER IN THE PREVIOUS QUESTION, DO YOU THINK EREN DESERVED TO BE JAILED? 73 responses

Nearly 55% of respondents feel that Eren absolutely deserved to be jailed for his actions in Marley, regardless of how they answered the previous question. Only 35.6% feel that he was wrongfully locked up.

Jailing him is just tradition at this point

idk

Yeah. You fuck up and you do the time. If you want to make decisions and live 'freely', don't become a soldier. Simple???

Eren did some war crimes, time to sit in the time-out box

He definitely needs to be observed and perhaps questioned, but not jailed. I thought that wasn't really a great move.

I don't know

How many times has Eren been in jail now? He's obviously not gonna be staying there for long

Reprimanded a little bit for not trusting his team, but didn't deserve jail

DO YOU THINK HANGE IS FALLING INTO THE CYCLE THAT SANNES WARNED THEM ABOUT? 71 responses

Hange remembers Sannes’ words about how someone always steps into the role he once played prior to the Uprising Arc. 67.6% feel that Hange, whether intentional or not, is falling into the cycle that Sannes and his comrades perpetuated for years before them. 19.7% feel the opposite, however, and believe that Hange wouldn’t let things get that bad.

I don’t know why I can’t remember who sannes is rn.

yes but i feel like she will realize this and try to change

I can’t say yet

Yes, to a degree but this doesn't mean they've past the point of no return. Everything the previous government did could have started with good intentions similar to Hange now but those intentions eventually morphed and corrupted.

i dunno

Maybe i'm not sure only time will tell

I think that can't be said for sure until we see how she acts/responds to this realization

Maybe

LOUISE SEEMS TO ADMIRE MIKASA TO THE POINT OF OBSESSION, BUT HOW DO YOU THINK MIKASA FEELS ABOUT HER? 73 responses

Half of respondents feel that Mikasa’s demeanor toward Louise stems from her feeling as though she can relate to the girl in some way. The remainder of responses were rather mixed, with 15.1% feeling that Mikasa simply feels sorry for her, and at a tie for 11%, either feel that she finds Louise annoying or is just generally indifferent toward her.

WHAT DO YOU THINK SEEMS TO BE THE TRIGGER FOR MIKASA’S SUDDEN HEADACHES? 73 responses

Mikasa’s headaches, while they don’t get much of a focus, tend to happen infrequently throughout the series. Though, her headache in episode 70 appears to be a bit more traumatic for her than ones we have seen in the past. 27.4% feel that these headaches are likely related to her Ackerman biology, while 20.5% think that it can be explained as simply PTSD. 15.1% think that it’s her “Eren sense,” so to speak. Small handfuls feel it’s something more related to Paths/The Coordinate, or a mixture of her Ackerman and Asian biology. 21.9% still aren’t really sure what to make of these. Will Isayama give us answers?!

the wine has to have something to do with it????

It's those damn ~PATHS~

HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN THE HORSE BIT GABI? 72 responses

The horse gets the gold start this week for giving Gabi a little bit of karmic justice. 65.3% appeared to enjoy the little misfortune Gabi had to endure thanks to the horse’s shenanigans. 19.4% agree that this was surely the work of devils! And 15.3% felt genuinely bad for Gabi during this moment.

Horse !!!!!!

Wish that horse would have bit Garbage's head off xD

Horse got some revenge for Sasha! Here's hoping someone ot something else will finish her off permanently!

*falco voice* GAAAAAABIIIIII

Thank you Horse-kun!

WE ASKED THIS A FEW WEEKS AGO, BUT WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN. WILL GABI CHANGE HER VIEWS ABOUT THE PEOPLE ON PARADIS? 73 responses

56.2% of respondents feel confident that Gabi’s views of Paradis will change by the conclusion of her character arc. 12.3% are still adamant that nothing will be able to sway her views. The remainder continue to be uncertain.

I hope gabi changes her views. But she seems pretty set

I don't honestly know if Gabi will change her views, but killing Sasha was enough to make me ALWAYS hate her no matter what kind of development she may get

Will Gabi change? I don't know but I don't care. Nothing will undo her killing Sasha.

DO YOU THINK GABI AND FALCO WILL BE ABLE TO GET HELP FROM NICOLO? 73 responses

Kaya mentions that they will be eating at a Marleyan’s restaurant and believes that said Marleyan (Nicolo) will be able to help Gabi and Falco figure out a way to return home to Marley. Nearly half of the fandom feel that they won’t be successful in getting any help from Nicolo, while only 13.7% think that he will be able to do something for them. 31.5% didn’t want to make a call either way.

REINER IS DETERMINED TO GET TO PARADIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO SAVE GABI AND FALCO. DO YOU THINK THE WARRIORS WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN RETRIEVING THEM? 72 responses

Over half of the fandom (65.3%) doesn’t have much faith in the Warriors to successfully retrieve Gabi and Falco. 20.8% feel the opposite, however, and think that their urgency is warranted. Will they get to Gabi and Falco in time?!

epic laina

WHICH QUESTION INTRODUCED IN THE EPISODE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ANSWERED? 73 responses

With every AoT episode, we get as many questions as we do answers. This episode is not an exception. Majority of the respondents (53.4%) are interested in getting answers for all of them (What did Yelana talk to Eren about, what is up with Mikasa’s headaches, what is Hange going to investigate and why is Shiganshina being evacuated?). Out of the all of those, the Yelena-Eren convo is the most popular one.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Gabi sucks so hard, she should be much more harshly punished for killing Sasha

The scenery was beautiful!! I'm hoping we get some action soon tho

MAPPA created some beautiful imagery this episode, like the scene with Falco and Gabi at the lake so was gorgeous! Also I wanna honk Reiner's tiddies

babies, my babies.

Gabi sucks

Doesn't really stand out, but I much preferred the pacing of this episode to the last two. I better see some damn rumbling next ep, we're getting straight edged rn with that ice plane. I absolutely FUCKED with seeing Louise do the little salute, brought back memories of simpler times.

Gabi is garbage

I loved the episode! Beautiful callbacks to so many previous set-up/storylines. It made me reminisce a bunch. I also hope for a bit of catharsis regarding Sasha's death by the hands of Gabi. Hopefully something will click and Gabi will realize that she may be wrong in her beliefs after realizing the person she killed (Sasha) is savior Kaya had described to her. While I don't hate Gabi, I also wouldn't mind a bit of karma going her way either.

I think this is definitely one of my favorites so far. There's a lot of interesting new pieces of info, and I'm excited to see how this stuff resolves in the end.

I hate Gabi even more

I hate Gabi SO much

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 73 responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk s4

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

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Hi love! Can I request a part two for the cevans x reader where the reader misses her period again and she takes another pregnancy test? Only this time it's positive?? You would melt my heart

A/N- I so hope he gets to be a daddy one day, cause he really would be such a great father! I so entirely want this for him one day.

You and Chris decided after that first pregnancy test to really give it a proper try. And Mr.Christopher Evans, well he was all about giving it every chance the two of you could.

Your house, well if it wasnt christened before, it certainly was now. And afterwards, he was more caring and gentle then even before if that was possible. He would feather kisses down your body, while he eased your hips up with a pillow and stretch out next to you, nuzzling your neck with the slight scratch of his beard and whisper how beautiful you were to him, all while massaging any sore spots you might hint you have.

“Im so lucky to have you” He would say as you were still coming down from your orgasm. His fingers brushing through your hair that had fallen out of your ponytail out of your face. Your cheeks would go slightly red at the compliment.

“Your just saying that Chris”

“I certainly am not just saying that.” He would huff slightly and grasp your chin to place a deep kiss on it, slipping his tongue around yours and inhaling your sigh as you were still recovering from before. “Baby or not, I am the fucking luckiest man.” Your eyes would glaze in between lust and love for him, for you felt the exact same way about him.

Time passed, and a few drs visits, they informed you and Chris that it might take a while, and not to get discouraged. It was hard sometimes to take it to heart though, and every negative test you got, having to step out of the bathroom to see Chris look so hopeful, it broke a little bit of you. But he was good about it, everytime.

“Babygirl, you know he said it could take a while.” His arms would ease you to sit in his lap, your own loping around his neck to balance, and he would tip his forehead to lean against your own, blue eyes filling your gaze. “How about tonight you pack a bag, and we will drop Dodger off at Scotts?”

You slide your arms around his neck and give a small smile. “I would really like that Chris.” His arms tightened around you and give you a loving kiss, letting you go about packing an over night bag for the two of you while he went to drop off Dodger.

That night was exactly what you both needed, the two of you took the few hours to go into New York City, Chris had reserved a beautiful hotel room, a night out at one of your favorite restaurants in the city, along with dancing. Chris was pulling out all your favorites, to finish the night, the two of you walked to times square, just to admire the sight of it all.

Later that evening, your love making wasnt about trying to reach a goal. That wasnt the purpose of your fevered kisses, the way Chris’s body traveled down yours, and loped your legs to brace against his shoulders as he kissed you so intimately, you came crying his name, hands fisting in his hair. Nor the next time when he had you pressed against the hotel rooms floor to ceiling windows, your gaze filled with the dark skyline glowing softly in shades of purples and gold twinkles with the thousands of lights, of others unaware you were on display should they take the time to look. Nor when he laid you out on the bed, and took his time exploring you, unraveling you for the third and final time, both of you spent. No this night was all about appreciating one another, and as you sunk back to his chest, his kiss were hard and possessive against your neck, breathing out. “I fucking love you always Y/N”

Weeks later your sitting on the bathtub edge, thrumming your fingers against the ceramic, staring at the box. Should you take it, maybe just another week? Its not uncommon anymore for your period to be out of whack, and you just didnt want that disappointment again. Dodger sits with his head in your lap, sighing softly as your hand moves to rub his ears, confessing to your favorite Good Boy.

“Buddy I dont know if I can handle another heartbreak again.” You whisper and press your face into the softness of his fur, looking to find peace in the canine. He grew impatient and started to wriggle, in which you let him go. Dodger lifts to place his front paws on the edge of the tub and licks your face, causing that sorrow to uplift a bit. Laughing, you wrap your arms around him and hug before letting him go to race and jump up on your bed, his fluffy tail wagging, slapping his front paws in a invitation to come play.

You reach down and grab his lion near your feet where he ditched it earlier, and toss it for him to catch on the bed, which he snatched and raced out of the bedroom to collide into Chris’s legs. “OOF!” He stumbles into the bedroom just as your coming out of the bathroom. “:Whats gotten into him?” He asks as he looks over his shoulder at Dodger tossing the lion up in the air to catch it.

“I think he was trying to cheer me up Handsome.” You wrap your arm around him and the two of you watch Dodger continue playing in the upstairs hallway before loosing it down the stairs. Your head rests a bit on his chest, and you giggle when he seems a bit lost staring down the stairs, and launches himself down.

“And why do you need cheering up Babygirl?” Chris ponders, his fingers sliding under your chin to tilt to look up at him, you bite your lip and shrug.

“Well I still havent gotten my period, and just ‘fraid you know? What if its negative again Chris?”

“Then its negative baby and we will go back to normal. If you want me to stop loving on you all the time, I will. Theres really no pressure for us to get pregnant.” Chris turned you to face him, covering your cheeks and across your nose in gentle kisses. “Y/N, baby or not, I just love being with you and that will make me just as fucking happy to.” your hands fist in his shirt, and you listen to what hes saying. You know kids mean alot, you both got caught up in this rush, but maybe hes right. You give a nod and move to tip toes to press your lips with his, his hands tightening a bit along the curve of your waist and moaning softly at the sweet taste of your lips. He growled out softly afterwards in a tease.

“Although Im not complaining these past couple monthes have been mindblowing.”

You laugh softly, and rub his chest, winking at him. “You know what, Im not upset about it either, it really has been. How about we check this last one, then... we just enjoy what were doing, and if it happens, it happens?”

“Its a deal babygirl.” He gave you a encouraging smile and once more, for what felt like the hundredth time, you went to take the test. Chris moved over to lean his shoulder against the wall, waiting for you to step back out, and when you did, he drew you into the circle of his arms, while you two waited. This time your head laid on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. You timed it that way, counting with each one. This time no words were shared, neither of you wanted to really get the hopes up of the other one. His hands though told there own story, heavy in the small of your back, they followed up your back, and down, his chin resting atop of your head, and you could feel the scratch of his beard tangling in your hairs, his adams apple bob up and down when he swallowed, you burrowed in closer. Praying, please let it be this time for us. You knew Chris would make a wonderful Daddy, and you wanted to give him that. You wanted to be his childrens mother.

“Okay baby, lets go take a look” He sounded calm as ever and you fidgeted your hand in his shirt, nodding. Together you two went to go peer at the stick. Lifting it up, the both of you studying it. Were you.... Your eyes dart back and forth to the box to confirm.

“Handsome were....” You start breathing in deeply. Chris’s holds tighten on you and turns you to look up at him.

“Y/N, Babygirl, your pregnant, we did it! Baby you got a little Boston Baked Bean growing in you!” His voice had lifted in its excitement, and your bust out in tears, streaming down your cheeks and your laughing in your joy while he encases you into his hold, lifting you off your feet in his joy.

“I cant believe it Chris!” your nuzzling in against him as he covers your tear covered face in loving kisses and nips to your lips, pulling you into a deeper kiss, his tongue tracing yours, tangling and you can feel your head rushing at it. Panting when you part, you pause the two of you with a brace of your hand against his chest.

“Did you call our baby... a Boston Baked Bean?”

He shrugged, looking sheepish. “Uhhh, its kinda been stuck in my head since we started really talking about it.

Only your man would ever think that, but you loved him all that much more for it.

#amber request

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coolingdownanddrawing · 5 years

Photo

heres some idea’s for redesigns along with some bulletpoints on what I was thinking for story stuff involving remaking the series

Im having trouble reading off the screenshots so Im gonna write it out under the cut along with probably adding some ideas or expanding on the bullet lists (future me here: I wrote a Lot)

Sam Manson:

-Rich Activist, meaning she’s kinda blind to some troubles going on or doesnt full understand how others are doing financially, along with being raised in a house with people who arnt exactly empathetic and more focused on appearances then worker rights, sam can come off as shallow to others doing activist work.

it could be a really interesting character arc for her to realize some of the things going on outside of her school and plants that she can help with, along with dealing with that sense of helplessness she feels at being to normal to help anyone she expresses in the show.

-Goth, but cheery? One thing i noticed in the show is how overall cheerful sam can come off while toting goth ideal’s, which may be a part of why she isnt shown to have many goth friends with them seeing her more as a poser becouse their teenagers and teenager Be like that sometimes.

It’s not a problem in my book but it could be fun to see tucker or danny question it when in goth spaces and sam basically saying the truth that you dont have to be miserable to enjoy dark subject matter. maybe with tucker and danny getting a small interest in some of the “lesser” goth stuff sam introduces to them.

-fights everyone, becouse teenager with boundless energy and Ghosts attacking all the time. sam didnt fight much in the original series and thats a shame.

-facinated by ghost, becouse duh

-I was kinda thinking of her and tucker being introduced by them competing for class president, becouse that seem’s like a position both would be interested in and it be more interesting then having tucker face dash

Tucker Foley

-Likes to influence others is a general statment, but its true tucker likes to be involved in other peoples lives and generally have his oppinion affect people in possitive (or negative) ways. he likes seeing that his involvment matters and he suffers when people ignore him or take his oppinions for granted and id love to see stuff centered around this trait

-level 1 leader/planner, sorta connected to the influencing people thing I think tucker really would thrive in leadership roles that danny just isnt suited to handling, big mobs of people and sam on his side and he is a force to be recond with. Tucker thrives in getting big groups of people to side with him esspecially since technology profficientcy isnt a sign of weakness in this day and age.

plus him working on his public speaking lines up with his motivation of wanting to be attactive to ladies.

also Having him working on public speaking stuff and general people person scenario’s gives a lot of reason for the group to interact with the A listers in a less hostile scenario

-tech god I guess, becouse tucker foley

Dan Phantom

-Incarnation of discomfort being the unintentional (At least the first time) fusion of a stubborn 14 year old and his crazy 40 year old father figure with very different morals and oppinions makes existing very, very akward for dan, but great comedy fodder!

-dan is able to have legs or a ghostly tail whenever he pleases unlike vlad or danny, becouse I figured it be a good way to make fights more interesting and their fighting styles different becouse I want more vlad involvement and having them be extra different types of ghosts makes watching either of them fight much more interesting

-wishes to not exist, esspecially in the presense of either danny or vlads love interests becouse WOW thats akward

-WAAAAY more powerful then danny and vlad, partially becouse making dan a final everything is going to hell desperate final action for danny and vlad would make dan’s appearances more interesting but also becouse of difference’s about vlad plasmius and danny phantom I will talk about when I get to them.

Dan Discomfort Masters

-“Vlad’s nephew” becouse if you’re meeting this guy stuff has gone horrible wrong on the de-fusing front and he needs a reason to be in either fenton on masters house hold to get whatever he needs to fix the ghost catcher

- big ol liar pant’s, partially becouse danny and vlad are Huge Liars but also becouse of the whole, I need shit to stop existing

-Trying to keep it together becouse he’s probably made to interact with people vlad and danny have Opinions On and honestly he cant decide if he wants to viciously prank jack at every oppertunity or punch himself for thinking of being mean to jack, among other such mixed feelings.

Vlad Masters

-Certified genius due to a number of thing’s including his obession, and becouse being smarter then jack makes him happy and if jack ever expressed interest in a subject He Must Be Better, he might not be trying to kill jack becouse he doesnt want to deal with a ghost hunter ghost for who knows how long but he wont be lesser then jack in ANYTHING.

-fruitloop, still has some backwards logic and morals such as having valarie become a ghost hunter to offer a sparring buddy to danny and whats a better motive to shoot at someone then they ruined their life right but he’s generally such a over the top bird brain trying to show off to everyone that fruitloop is the only description he can be given.

-less evil is a Big Thing, he’s still objectively not a very good man but I want him and danny working together and sharing a roof on the weekends but that means not shooting first and asking questions later on site, so a less evil vlad is needed, plus it just generally makes there interactions more fun and less dangerous which is what im going for, since walker can take over a lot of vlads antagonist role in the story plus danny and vlad making agreements to get stuff out of eachother sounds like a hell of a lot of fun, i liked eye for and eye vlad sue me.

- as a side not I want vlad to be a lot less physically fit and practiced with doing things as a human, seeing him as a man who lords his power over others when he can he prefers relaxing and working as plasmius more then masters, which affects his health and serves a purpose in story for a lesson id like made after watching phantom planet last night

Vlad Plasmius

-loving guardian in that he really, really does want to be a good father and mentor figure to danny even if their relationship is rocky due to long standing lies he’s been feeding him and how tight a grip vlad has on his familys financial health. as well as the whole snatching partial costody as soon as costudy was called into question after dannys accident (Ill get to that) vlad’s babysat in the past for the fenton which is part of it, along with his desire to be better at jack in every aspect.

-great implorer, in which he likes to get minions when he can and usually only grumbles if his minions already have plans when he calls for them, pays great by ghost zone and human standards and usually offers a full health plan, though skulkers case that full health plans is for when he gets his head up his ass and thinks he can actually get either danny or vlads pelt, one of skulkers suits is on vlads lab wall with a nice hole where its face should be as a reminder to those who cross him.

-only legs, meaning he uses 100% more kicks and ground based attacks then danny and can kick below the bet where danny cant, this plus his fire core making him have to get creative lest he burn his surroundings to the ground has him fighting in a very different way to danny, along with his 20 years of experience. vlad tends to fight ghosts with less reason to leave the ghost zone, and invading lairs to get what he wants, leading to more serious encounters then what danny faces in the begining.

-loves dramatics, becouse vlad plasmius everybody he’s a cookyier villian here

-less evil and more ruthless and efficient to those who get in his way, that arnt who percieves as family

-Plasmius’s obsession is teaching people lessons, in all the good and horrible ways that can imply. halfa’s have more broad and less restrictive obsessions then other ghosts which makes them more dangerous and able to ammas power.

Danny Fenton

-Fenton works heir, which is played up a lot more in this with vlad backing his family and giving them chances to disgrace themselves on public telivision and get shamed out of wherever their currently living, leading them on a series of moves throughout dannys life before amity park show off their inventions to the world! Since Jazz aggressively refused the role it fell on danny and he actually takes it pretty seriously, believing as a little bab in ghosts and being convinced of their evil from a young age by his parents which you can only imagine does great things for him when he becomes a halfa and learns unkie vlad is one as well.

-has been haunted by the creepy ghost boy title his whole like due to his situation and the fact he is usually made to assist in showing off his parents weapons publicly as a apprentice ghost hunter, one such invention was the fenton portal that had a wire loose during the presentation, when he went in and put it back the doors automatically shut him in and jack and maddie didnt notice he was in there still until the screaming started, this led to some public outcry over weather jack and maddie are fit to raise kids and vlad swooping in for partial costudy of both fenton children “to ease the masses, and besides he’s basically helped raise them anyway whats garenteed weekends at one of vlads places going to do?” it was a sucky situation.

-bad reputation due to general protectiveness of his parents along with terrible social skills, along with his new trouble of hiding and controlling emerging ghost powers.He doesnt leave a initial good impression on sam and tucker when he first meets them as fenton, and people tend to avoid him to keep away from his parents wierdness anyhow.

-is less good in the traditional sense but wants to keep people safe and happy if he can help it, though its argueable if thats simply a manifestation of his obsession or if its just becouse he’s a sweet kid, once he gets it into his head that ghosts arnt always evil he tries really hard to be nice to ghost too and even tries to save them from his parents when he can. putting his neck out for them.

Danny Phantom

-just wants a lair is a shorthand for wanting to just experience regular ghost things when he’s going ghost, he’s less inclined to fight every ghost he see’s unless their actively hurting people and tries to talk them down, not wanting his afterlife filled with enemies when he officially keels over.

he has big dreams for a super cool lair of his own that are explored upon the one time he’s split apart by the ghost catcher, mostly becouse phantom rips the door to his room from its hinges and zooms into the ghost zone as soon as he’s out, found aimlessly wondering helplessly looking for the PERFECT location to start building. he tends to day dream about the lair of his dreams in class.

-no leg’s leading to more air combat and trying to immobalize people with his tail, usually fighting fairly though with his moments of cheap shots in partiicularly deadly battles,, he usually fights people like johnny 13 who mess with people then he does generally harmless ghosts like box ghost in the begining, plus with his in development abilities that include a versatile ice core his fights are more strategy then sheer beat down or creative weapon making (or heating whatever metal the ghost is wearing to the point of insanity)

Danny also has this little problem where he “died” in a anti ghost hazmat suit made of stuff to weaken and harm a ghost who comes in contact with jack and maddies little boy and it means its harder on him to access his powers, taking more energy to do things that most ghost would find easy like intangibilty and invisibility, which is a major problem for him esspecially at first, danny’s only made aware of this though vlads help and their working on a way to trick the hazmat suit into changing material with what danny was wearing under the suit, since its being difficult with changing on dannys command, he can put stuff over and under the suit but the suit itself is hard to make budge. the outfit shown above is after danny learns how to at least add stuff over it with vlads help.

dan does not have problem’s with the material of his costume making him have access to all dannys abilities easily, along with vlads experience and power and dannys creative thinking dan gets the nickname of the ultimate enemy with good reason

- Loves exploring, esspecially the ghost zone its so interesting and full of enteraining characters and the food is Amazing at least in ghost form and vlad’s show him some pretty incredible places in the zone when they agree to work together in the sense of vlad stealing madde and jacks thermoses at the end of fenton fights and danny helping him spelunk in the ghost zone, its a guilty pleasure to be able to show sam and tucker around when they become friends, natural portals are a tempation danny has a hard time ignoring when he see’s one, much to his loved ones annoyance. wolf is a terrible enablr of a friend.

- due to his obession with proving himself (its the wording i go with now i might change it to something like control or being loved) danny tends to want people to like him and seeing a opertunity to get them to like him sorta throws him off balance and out of fight mode, usually leading to him cuddling up to them, in phantom form dannys a great cuddler. take caution though he’s been known to trick enemys into thinking he’s gone out of fight mode and either shove them into the nearest portal/thurmos or later freezing them where they stand. dannys terrible with crowds, esspecially crowds of people who dont like him he freezeses up.

Danny to-tired-to-function (school and not working with parents danny)

-cant wait to to graduate, with no plans to go to college becouse he’s not paying for more hell

-is really in a bad place socially and mentally in the begining, but will become a lot happier once he befriends sam and tucker, though before that he tends to do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things to get attention and has a problem with letting people drag him into trouble on the promise of friendship.

Danny’s Chore’s list:

-deadly laundry with ectoplasm contaminated laundry machines to content with

-helping whoever wants to cook, cook, or being in charge of dinner most nights unless someone else wants to cook (breakfast is jazz’s job, maddie and jack are gently discouraged from cooking, jazz and danny usually or use to just grab take out for lunch if they had time)

-cleaning the lab

-dishes with ecto contaminated dishwasher are always a little dangerous damn appliances and their wills to reak havoc, jazz likes to help make sure it doesnt hurt anyone since its more dangerous then the laundry machines

-assembling weapons with parents for the vault, or incase of a huge ghost invasion so everyone has a chance at a weapon, danny usually just assembles the less dangerous stuff that doesnt require a lot of welding

-general house maintense, vacuuming and window cleaning while jazz mops and dusts

-jazz cleans the weapons vault after learning dannys secret becouse its a lot less dangerous for her then for him and hes infinitly grateful

AND DONE thats some of my thoughts on what could be done with a re design of the characters and story beats listed, im tired of writing now but enjoyed getting this out

#danny phantom #danny fenton #sam manson #tucket foley #dan phantom #vlad masters #vlad plasmius #lot more words then normal

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coralstudiies · 4 years

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Think abt in the mornings n the last thing i think abt before i sleep. the gd thing is when im distracted n invested in what im doing i forget but worrying is interrupting my daily routine n causing me to be less productive. Idk why i keep worrying n fretting but i think its just mentally unhealthy n could take a toll on my academics too. how do i stop dwelling on minor stupid things n steer myself to be more positive n do well?? I have o levels this yr and its either i do well or i dont. Help!

well you know what!!! have u tried immersive mode on study timers??? if u have, maybe in those few mins break you can do stretches, get a nice drink etc. while doing smt else to distract you. you can hum a nice tune, dance around the room whatever but make sure you're doing enough things at once to distract you. usually the stretching and humming together will help me! but you can find diff combinations of diff activities to help u to get ur head off the negative thoughts.

i honestly think rn you lack motivation because of all your guilt, negativity and self-reproach. why dont you find a study buddy, and on the weekends go to a library and mug the whole day there with him/her? doing it alone works too but it works to have someone to cheer you up. maybe that will jog your motivation and help u with ur productivity? sometimes u just need to press that reset button mannnnnn. okay jiayous all the best!! any more qns feel free to ask/dm

#coralstudiies #asks

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 5 years

Text

Gracie lucio writing wips if any of you were curious(to perhaps be posted soon)

Normal universe writings

She looked into Damian’s eyes uncertainly, briefly convince he was trying to prank her. There was no way he was deciding now, in a locked cell in a mission gone so wrong, tied together and both hazy from injuries, was the best time to talk about their feelings.

Even though his eyes were a little glazed over from either the pain of the head injury and stab wound or the small delirium of his slight blood loss, they were stubbornly determined and fierce as he leaned his face closer to hers. She caught a wisp of his shampoo from how close they were and ‘oh sweet moon goddess he’s fucking serious’ now was NOT the time for her to get all flustered this was a serious situation and she needed Damian to be more focused and maybe a tad more lucid.

~~~

“ Hey Dick?” The thirteen year old’s companion gave her his attention from his position beside her as her reading cushion, the two of them having curled up after a long patrol in the rain on a self made nest of blankets and pillows beside the lit fireplace. The bright blue eyed boy smiled and rested his chin on top of her head from where it was nestled against his shoulder.

“ Yeah Gracie?” She took a small breath and glanced up at him while setting aside her book. She had been reading and re-reading the same sentence over and over again for the past half hour, deep in thought and decided to banish any negative ones right away. She reached out and found his hand, gripping it tight seeking a comfort he gave by twisting his body so she rested against his chest.

“ You’re always going to be my best friend right?” He smiled at the question and and chuckled softly.

“ Of course silly. Best friends forever. We promised after all.” She was quiet for a moment and looked ahead of her.

“ So...we’ll always be together right? You...you wont leave me like everyone else right...?” The only sound for a few moments was the sound of the rain pattering on the window and the snap and crackle of the fire. Dick’s other arm wrapping around her in a hug as he squeezed her hand.

“ I’m not leaving you. We’ll stay together...no matter what.”

~~~

I heard the safe house door open and I looked up tiredly from the couch, huddled up in the smoke scented leather jacket that was much too big for me to look at the tall man I considered my friend.

“ J-jason...” He gave a sigh and put out his cigarette in a nearby ash tray and sat beside me, ruffling my hair.

“ Dont worry kid, my buddy Roy is out there now diverting anyone who possibly followed us. From now on, until we hear the signal from Dickie, you are officially dead and off the grid.” I nodded and leaned into his hand almost desperate for affectionate physical contact. I was cold, tired, and shaken from the thought a silver bullet had almost pierced my heart a second time if it hadnt been for Jason and Roy. He didnt say anything about the way I pushed into his hand like he didnt mention the way I moved closer and curled into his side for comfort, trembling inside the warm confines of his jacket. All he did was ask what kind of take out I’d want for dinner so he could text Roy to pick some up on his way back, as he was starved but too lazy to go out himself at the moment. I shrugged meekly and stayed quiet, soon falling asleep in his scent and already missing my bed back in the tower...

~~~

“ aaaaachoo!” The ten year old lycran whimpered in pain as she shivered under her quilts and blankets, sniffling through her stuffed up nose pathetically. She felt like she was DYING even as the small relief of a cold rag was laid on her burning forehead. She looked up blearily expecting to see the tall grandfatherly figure of Alfred above her checking on her and gave a slow blink when she saw Bruce’s even taller, bold, blurry shape beside her bed. She felt his big worn hand against her cheek and leaned against its coolness gratefully, cheek scratching against his callouses soothingly. There was another hand that patted her messy, tangled mop of hair and smoothed it down a little. He was talking to her but she was so tired she barely caught any words.

“ Bruce? Will she be ok...?” Dick’s voice floated into her ears and she opened her eyes, not even realizing she had shut them in the first place. Her eyes drooped and landed on on her concerned partner who now accompanied the large adoptive father figure, peering around his frame to look at her with wide worried blue eyes. She tried to tell him she was fine but the moment she opened her mouth a surge of fiery pain shot through her throat and made her hack and cough violently, leaning her now throbbing head further into her pillows with a miserable groan after.

“ Im not sure yet Chum...we cant have a normal doctor check her out so im trying to find someone trustworthy to examine her. For now, we should let her rest. If you’d like you can help Alfred bring her things while I go out looking for a doctor.”

~~~

"Here."

She looked up at Damian a bit startled then down at the box he held in front of her. She blinked once, then twice as she examined the white box and the various holes in the side and the neat pale green bow keeping it tied shut before looking back up at the boy wonder.

"Um...this is sweet of you Damian but...my birthday is a few months away..." He grunted and stepped into her room, noting how it was a little disheveled and unorganized with case works and evidence and clues, just like the rooms clearly drained owner. As Damian looked at the shorter girl he held back from saying anything her extra messy hair or the dark smudges under her eyes from all nighters. He did sigh at her hesitance though.

"Im well aware. I just...i...just open it already." She rolled her eyes a little but obeyed his command nonetheless, undoing the ribbon and pulling the lid off.

She didnt know what she expected to be in there. The past two all nighters mustve been screwing with her to have not recognized the scent coming from the box. She dropped the lid to the ground and put a hand to her mouth in surprise.

"I...i found him wandering outside a shelter in Gotham...when i brought him back in they said he was an abandoned emotional support animal that had slipped out the door. I thought of you so i...filled out the papers and got him his shots and everything. I figured after all the hassle months ago and the extra work loads youve been taking on to help out Grayson and Father...perhaps a supportive companion would be beneficial to your mental health..." She looked up at him as he almost over explained his gift and she looked back into the box, slowly reaching in and lifting the year old black and brown Maine coon kitten from the box and into her arms. The movement awoken him and the kitten meowed at Gracie and sniffed her before purring contently and getting cozy again. The sound of the purring and the feeling of the cat's warmth and breathing body and soft fur made her heart warm and her stress ease away like the tide. She knew he didnt just find this beauty by chance, he likely searched shelters and adoption centers for him. She looked up at Damian and happily moved forward and kissed his cheek with a smile.

"Thank you Damian i love him! Youre too kind" he shrugged but smiled at the two as she cooed softly and cradled the fluffy beast kissing his little head. He knew the cat was something she needed to keep from falling into that dark place, a co.fort and a responisiblity that would keep her from restarting that cycle.

He cleared his throat a little and reseized her attention.

"What will you name him?" She hummed a little and got a playful little grin that made him narrow his eyes.

"I think...I'll name him Robin."

~~~~~~~

Young justice au story wips(The main ship for her in the young justice universe is Dick X Gracie)

“ You cant just--Are you even listening to me?” Gracie dragged herself into a sitting position and leaned close to the half-kryptonian with a bitter but playful grin.

“ Nope. Not a word Connor. Im afraid I was much too busy staring deeply into your handsome eyes like in the scene of a romance novel. So I missed every single word.” He stared back at her but snorted out a laugh at her joke, rolling his eyes with a smile of his own. The smile made her relax, feel more at ease with the situation. She couldnt help it, and she lifted her camera up and aimed.

“ Connor look over here with that smile!” He turned his head still smiling, one eyebrow quirked curiously as she hit the button and the camera flashed with a beep and a blink. She lifted her head from the viewfinder with a much more joyful grin, looking rather pleased with herself.

“ Now THAT one is getting printed professionally, or else no one will believe its real.” They both shared a small laugh and she set the camera aside to lean against him, shoulder to arm while she fiddled with the photo settings. They settled into a comforting silence for a few long moments

“ She isnt that bad....or bad at all really. Under different circumstances we would be good friends by now...” She finally spoke up, not taking her eyes off her camera.

“ But?”

She gave a sigh and leaned her head against him in exasperation before looking up to him.

“ Its not her. Its...It’s all the conflicting and difficult feelings that arise when I see her and Robin together...getting so...close and dare I say flirty. Sometimes seeing it makes me downright sick to my stomach and I just need to leave the room.” There was a long silence and she opened her mouth to apologize for bringing up feelings. But she never got the chance.

~~~

“ Dont...you win...you win ok? I surrender.”

The words were resentful, but defeated as Gracie aka Alpha Wolf dropped her staff and utility belt to the ground and raised her hands in surrender. She stared at the tall armed man that stood a few feet before her, the monster that has haunted her every step and shadow since the death of her parents. She stared into his apathetic eyes with her head no longer held up proud, but hung almost submissively with hateful eyes. She ignored the any reasoning against her decision, ignored the sounds of her pained teammates coming back to their senses and realizing what was going on.

“ Alpha dont!”

“ A-alpha d-dont do it!”

She grit her teeth and ignored their voices, ignored Superboy’s warning shout as he started to get up with difficulty. She kept all her focus on the monster in front of her, determined to protect her team, her friends, her pack. Just like she should as an Alpha.

She never wanted this man to hurt anyone precious to her ever again. Not if she could help it.

“P...please...you win. I give up. Kill me, capture me, do whatever. Just...please, let the others go free....its me you want not them...just let hi--them go...” The pleas burned her mouth like acid, as if she had swallowed silver and Wolfs bane.But she gave them, staring into his eyes and keeping her hands up in the air. She wouldnt let him take anyone else away from her again. Not this time.

Not with Robin dangling in his steel grip with a gun to his temple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tadaaaa! A bunch of my DC and my Gracie writing wips! Im working on all of these at different paces but theyre getting done!

If there are any particular ones of these you guys wanna see published soon please do tell me in my inbox! Itll motivate me to finish it faster! You can also send new writing prompts or story ideas for me to write too! I hope you guys enjoy these little sneak peeks of future oneshots!

#Dc #Dc oc #Gracie lucio #young justice #damian wayne #dick grayson #dc writing #my writing #my wips #writing wips #bruce wayne #jason todd #roy harper #connor kent #writing #wips #dc wips #oc #damian x oc

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tokaroonie · 6 years

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how can i tell my friends i feel nonbinary? i feel like,, maybe im just being a "special snowflake" and idk, i just dont want them to think negatively of me, i just want them to know this is how i feel i dont know, two of my friends are trans so i feel like coming out as nonbinary would be a bad thing somehow like im trying to be them, but ive always been kind of fem and masc and i just hate having to identify with either

Hey my dear anon! I’m so very sorry for replying to you this late, things have been very busy and i didn’t want to give you a half assed answer!

I can’t speak for your particular set of friends, but I can give you insight based on my own experiences. When i realized I was nonbinary and slowly began coming out to my friends, to all of them it clicked pretty much right away. Even to those I had to explain it to, their general reactions were like “Oh, yeah, okay that makes a lot of sense. I see that.” All in all I’ve had only positive reactions, as have my other buddies who are also NB.

I have personally never experienced any trans person bashing NB individuals for “wanting to be like them” or anything of the sort. In all honesty, I’ve seen only unrelenting support from my trans buddies and the trans community I interact with in general.

I think what may help you is just explain your feelings to them, about how you hate identifying as one or the other, and express your dysphoria on the matter (which is, of course, a very big factor in being a trans individual). Ask for their support, and maybe even ask for their insight how they’ve experienced being a trans person. Again, I can’t speak for your particular friends, but I would hanker a guess that they will continue to love and support you if they’ve done that up to this point.

Just remember that there is nothing “special snowflake” about being NB at all. Being trans historically also includes being NB or genderqueer, or whatever you want to call yourself. There is no wrong way of being trans or NB; just be you and I think your friends will be there for you. :)

Sorry again for the long wait, but I hope this helps! I know it’s still kinda vague, but I do hope it at least gives you some confidence to do what feels right for yourself. Best of luck in your travels, my good anon!

#nonbinary #agender #enby #enby positivity #queer #anon #ask #mar says shit

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wang-yeon · 7 years

Text

Hypnotic| Jungkook 2

You begin to realize that after this process you begin growing an attachment to Jungkook. You began to corrupt that he might hold the same feelings for you, to which he might but is there another longing body getting in the way of this?

part 1

Warning: Smut, possible daddy kink?,usage of weed Jungkook needa get his shit together honestly in this chapter, making a part 3 definitely cause i need to add to this hoe, oh and of course cussing sorry

Genre: Smut, slight angst

word count: 8.4K

A/N: To the anon who wanted me to make a part two i finally made it and am sorry it took so long. I know your request went along the liens of him coming to terms with his feelings which he sort of did but promise in the next chapter he will do just that. Again i deeply apologize

Growing an attachment to something especially when its being another human can be an exhilaration feeling yet a flesh eating one as well. The emotions that come from it leave you a dying hunger for more while it sucks you dry due to what its causing. In this case everything was connecting me to Jungkook.

Messing around with Jungkook had its perks and i certainly wasn't aiming for this altercation to happen again but due to his charming ways he sucked me in like a cold leach. I had to admire his way of doing so, it was truly hypnotizing how he did it so effortlessly. I had told myself numerous of times that i wouldn't fall for his bullshit yet here laid following after his every need.

I had been attending his football games more, leading to the head board hitting the wall as he gathered every thrust. I had grown an attachment to him and in a way he seemingly did to. He was often around me more than others. He showed a certain amount of care that I had never expected from him. It was reassuring at most but still had the nagging presence of him longing for another body besides mine. Just the simple thought of me thinking this made my stomach churn. I dont know why i felt such way as i promised myself I wouldn't let it escalate this far but I couldn't stay away from his trance, which irritated me to the point of insanity. I had tried to quit more than once as he always came to me with that bunny filled grin and his strong arms as he held me tight chasing away all the thoughts i once had.

The situation didnt help as he had his arms wrapped around me bringing me in close to his chest. My nostrils were filled with the savory aroma of his body only fueling my mind with actives we did last night. That was the only deeds that i would let flow my head. I would stray away from the romance and stay strict to sexual favors as i would only get attached further more. I was already trapped but i didnt want it to seem even more evident then it currently was.

I slightly moved opening an eye attempting to see where my phone had been held. It laid on the dresser as i attempted to move my hand only for Junkook to groan and gulf my whole body into his chest. It was funny how when he was asleep he became so clingy yet when we were outside of the bedroom he had proceeded his tough guy persona. He was at times but not entirely. The more we grew closer the more i felt like we grew in a some what twisted relationship. I couldn't believe i even let those thoughts usher through me but it was surely true.

I had given up on my strength relying on my words as i tried to wake him up.

"Hey, we have to get up. I have practice in a few minutes."

Jungkook held me tighter motioning off my statement groaning.

"I rather be in between your legs than go to practice."

I rolled my eyes but smirking at his sexual behavior. He sure was a teenage adolescent whos dick was uncontrolled. he did this often as he would get any chance to roam his hands upon my body. I surely wasn't complaining but it was not the time to do so as i was already being threatened to be kicked off the team.

"Come on, you have to practice too and i actually attend your football games so you better not suck."

Jungkook frowned as mentioned him not coming to my games. I hadn't known why as it didn't effect me nor him. That was the one big problem I had about the situation was that in some way he would always show a sign of unwanted affection. I knew it was some kind of trap to pull me in further so tend to stay away from it and try not expect to much from him. I tried to maintain myself that way at least. I mentally trained myself to fly past all of his cocky bullshit until it all could come crashing down.

At times you often give into the forbidden fruit but it sure wasn't worth it however i sometimes couldn't help the flavor that i gained from it.

"I know i told you i was sorry thousands of time."

"Its fine, it doesnt affect me in a positive or negative way. As long as i get shit done ill keep moving."

"ugh i hate when you're like this. Why cant we just stay in bed and fuck, that seems much more appealing."

The idea was certainly appealing but i wasn't willing to risk my soccer studies for him. I hadn't even been very well interested in soccer but it kept my minds off of things and now and days my mind wandered every place.

I often thought about Jungkook which irritated me and how much i actual put time aside for him as i tried to find myself a better hobby. Being Jungkooks fuck buddy certainly did have its perks and i loved being associated with him in private places but i didn't know if he had others that he shared this place with. I was bound to find out sooner or later.

I twisted myself from Jungkooks grasp making him groan and watch as i gather my things. I had only been sporting my undergarments as i searched for the rest of my belongings. I had a hard time looking for my shirt as we flew things left and right not caring where they would land. i groaned in desperation trying to find the rest of my belongings and Jungkook wasn't helping as he got behind me while i was bent down.

"Baby you know i cant keep my hands off of you when your positioned like this."

I rolled my eyes but still remained as smile at his flirtatious remark. I pushed him away trying to find the items before he pulled me into his chest. He surely was difficult to escape from making it another reason i was so drawn in for i couldn't find a way out. I would complain at times but i always secretly loved it. A very valid reason why i should stay away but as he offered sexual favors i couldn't resist.

"Stop Jungkook, we have to get going im sure were already late."

Jungkook was surely stubborn as he didnt mind a blink to what i say as his hands traveled to my waist. I skimmed the room trying to find my items before my eyes landed on my pants only for Jungkook to grasp my ass and bringing me closer in proximity. I swear this boy couldn't control his dick for a few mere seconds. I loved how attracted he was to me and if we had different circumstances i would definitely join him in his actions. Jungkook still proceeded to continue his actions as his lips traveled to my neck making my eyes flutter and decide to take up on his offer.

He never had a way with words yet his simple touch had me melting even from the thought. I moaned slightly as he began to grow more aggressive as he smirked in victory at the effect he had on me. My hands danced on his chest while his still Mendel with my ass

."See princess, doesn't this offer feel much more exciting."

His lips dipped down to my collar bone as my head rolled back. His tongue skimmed across my collar mindlessly leaving small marks that were sure to be visible. I was certainly enjoying the activity between us as i let out a small moan.

"mmmh, Dadd-"

“Jungkook can your horny ass keep your dick in your pants and stop tempting this poor girl. Oh and also daddy? This society really is going to shit."

I jumped slightly away from Jugkook while he stayed still while his room mate Yoongi entered the room uninvited. Yoongi had sometimes managed to walk in on us but still maintained his distance as he knew what would occur from to much closeness. Besides Yoongis awkward timing, he was rather nice at times but still reminded as blunt as he truly is. Yoongi always talked about how Jungkook and I always were over hormonal teens who needed to be disinfected but still kept up with us. Yoongi occasionally asked us about his lyrics and see what they were made of as we were people of constructive criticism. He always appreciated that but couldn't help as things got weird the more i stayed around.

He was bitter in the beginning as he thought i was a lost groupie only to be found at there house a couple of days of the week. He had gotten use to my presence as i did to his. It still remains strange the more i stay around feeling as if i was out of place but as long as they stay comfortable with the circumstances I must as well

"Sorry Yoongi."

I nodded signifying that I was as well. I grabbed my pants as Jungkook searched for his as well. I was still in search for my shirt before settling on wearing one of Jungkooks. I didnt think anything of it at the time as it was only a clothing item and didnt hold any special meaning. I slide it on while also putting on a jacket over it zipping it up to take pre cations. I wasn't leaving this house without a shirt on so any shirt was find even if its Jungkooks shirt.

"Alright now thats taken care of do any of you need a ride cause your high school is around the corner from my college?"

I jumped up on the offer nodding my head long before Jungkook looked at me as if i had made an awful decision. By the looks of his eyes he wanted to attack me and not in a sexual desire way either. Yoongi picked up on his state as well while he eyed him occasionally looking at me, overall he seemed confused about the situation as was I.

"Um, I'll need a ride Y/N do you mind taking an uber? I just dont want people at school to catch on ya know."

Yeah I did know but i wouldnt expect him to pull something so provocative. It may have seemed bad on my side showing up with the schools fuck boy but rather for him he could have easily showed me off as a latest hook up. Was i really so disgraceful that i couldn't even play this simple part. my eager feelings for him but i couldn't help contort my face at the simple thoughts of his words.

I couldnt take it all to heart as this was expected but i didnt want to accept the slight pain in my heart due to it. I admitted how he made me feel yet he treated me like absolute shit. He was sweet at times but the flavor switched to a painfully bitter one as time passes.

"You're such a dick."

I couldnt control my state of mind as i was fueled from anger. I was already late for practice meaning extra laps and now Jungkook was fucking with my emotions yet again. Best of all he didnt let my statement affect him as he shook it off and held a bored blank stare.

I glared daggers at him expecting him to respond only resulting in him in rolling his eyes at my behavior. Yoongi was stuck in the middle of us both eyeing us back and forth awaiting the next move until the silence was enough for him.

"Well could you at least pay for the the girls Uber, have some fucking decency."

We both looked at Yoongi surprised he put his input. He rarely got in the way of our mindless conversations let alone a mini argument. Jungkook sighed and ushered to his wallet looking through it rather slowly. He scratched his head letting out a small groan signifying he didnt have any money or that he simply didnt have the need to give me any.

I shook my head waving him off telling them i would pay for it. I was far beyond his bullshit and had enough of what it was causing today. Knowing well of myself was sure to fall back into his trap with open arms.

"I dont know if i can do this anymore Tae, the whole thing is draining."

Tae and I had been under the bleachers passing a long needed Joint to one another. I hadn't found a purpose to participate as when arrived I had missed half of the game play. My emotions had also been scattered and I needed to talk them out instead of kicking a ball around.I took a long drag before coughing slightly, taking a deep breath after gathering my thoughts.

Tae grabbed the joint taking a long puff getting ready for what he was going to say with full forced.

"Y/N, you know i love you but you cant stay away. You're getting to attached to him. You yourself knew from the beginning that this would be a dangerous game and hes playing it to his best efforts."

I rubbed my eyes getting annoyed by the situation and the weed sure as hell wasnt working all to much. I wanted to forget about the pain he was causing me but if i hadn't just gave in i wouldn't have been experiencing this at all. I was to blame for this but that doesn't mean Jungkook was innocent as he was the one inflicting these emotions. I couldn't stay away from his whole being.

Tae was right at times and I tried to deny it but i was growing a liking to him

."My best advice to you wound be to accept what you're feeling wither you tell him that or not. You need to know what you're feeling."

"I know what im feeling not as of now but i know whats gong on. The only thing i i dont know is if their is someone else, my heart wants to just implode at the thought."

Just imagining him with another girl made me feel dirty and used. I hadn't liked the thought of his hands roaming another person, I wanted to be the only one he experienced this with. I was being selfish but when you grow an attachment to another person you wont be able to get those kinds of thoughts out of your head. I was hooked on Jungkook and I hadn't known how to handle it so i turned to my best bet being I hide my emotions for him. That way he wont see the damage hes causing me while will truly know as i feel the pain inside.

"I dont know so naturally i cant answer that however i do know that will hunt her down. If you want we could randomly ambush him and see if hes with another girl?Im free as of know?"

I waved Tae off not taking up on his offer. I hadn't been able to go as far as borderline stalking him to see if he had another interest. There was a part of me that thought of the idea as a good one but it would overall cause more problems. I took the idea as a light hearten joke as i pulled one last puff before dis holding the joint.

"Well whatever you decide to do I’ll support you."

Tae ruffled my hair bringing us in for a hug. He really did make me feel better in stressed moment where i saw no hope. I gave into his hug loving the feeling of his comfort. We pulled away after hearing the coaches whistle signifying practice was over.I straightened myself out as Tae asked if i wanted to grab something to eat to which i declined.

I had just wanted to go and curl up in my bed watching TV trying to figure out what was going on. Tae nodded on understanding with the confusion clogging my mind.

"Alright well, get some rest remember we have practice tomorrow too."

I nodded and waved after Tae as i made my way to the parking lot. I groaned in realization that I hadn't had a ride as i relayed on an uber.I was left with the choice of doing so again as i mindlessly clicked on the awaiting app and stated my information.I put in my headphones to pass the time hoping it will all pass smoothly. It gives me enough to to rely on my thoughts and what to make of them.

I hadn't been to aware of what they held but i could feel the power behind his touch and raspy voice making me quiver before him.I was growing a fond feeling for his existence and recognized small things about him. I even recognized his hands as they traced against my waist as he brought us closer in proximity.

He gently brought his lips closer to my ear letting out a small breathe before saying anything. This action was enough to effect me in the slightest, an emotion i still hadn't known. I was trying to figure out what it was but again i didnt want to know what it was out of fear so instead i focus on his steady voice.

"Hey baby girl."

I turned my body around leaning slightly against him, pressing us together. I had completely let what Tae said slide past my head. Jungkook had been beaded in sweat from his practice making my mind go foggy with sexual themes. He certainly did know how to tempt people maybe even without noticing it and it always seemed to get me in trouble one way or another.

I had so much anger built up that i didnt care about the consequences as i wanted the feeling to be replaced with another, wither it be a split second or mere hours.

"Hey, daddy."

Jungkook was taken back by my words but licked his lips enjoying the feeling that lingered with my words. He looked around the parking lot as if he was looking at making sure no one was to see his actions that were soon to happen. Jungkook smirked as his hands traveled to my ass giving it a quick squeeze. His nose began to travel against my neck as he intcipated hs next move making me shiver at the thought.

"I think you should finish what we started this morning? Dont you think baby girl?"

I bite my lip at the thought but couldn't help but think if it entirely would be a good idea. It could only fuck about my emotions about him and or anything else even more. Did I really think that this one moment shared between our to bodies would be worth the overly intense feeling to come.

As of now my body was in control and i was straying away from my mind as it was a mere prisoner under jungkooks control. My body acted as a free willed product not caring about the affect and it not feeling any emotions. It was a good way to Disraeli my feelings as i follow Jungkook to his car to rid of the things in my mind and focus on my body.

I had seated on Jungkook lap on wearing my underwear while Jungkook wore his boxers. We had raced through his house in a minutes notice. We had been attached to each other knocking items we thought as useless down till we reached his bed room. Clothes were being thrown around the room not caring about the destination as we focused on each other mouths.

I hadn't always entirely focused on just that aspect of him while we shared moments like this. I forced on his hands and how they raked my body giving areas slight more squeezes and tightness than others. His muscles would often flex once in a while at my small moan or as things intensified.

His mouth was of course a thing of its own as it held specialty. His lips often traced my collar bone while his tongue slide across my neck leaving bruises he was proud of but my by far favorite was when he combined his tongue and mouth. He would use this to his advantage as he would lap up my juices but also suck playfully on my clit. He held many talents and I did my best to explore each one as it was a new puzzle piece.

As of now his tongue was battling for dominance with mine. We both knew how it would play out but the teasing made things ever more exciting. His tongue explored every inch of mine as if trying to find secrets lying beneath it. I tried to keep up with him as i did the same only resulting in our tongues to mix together.

I slowly began grinding on him aiming to take control of the dominance we were both seeking. Jungkook let out a small groan before gripping onto my hips and responded with force. Jungkook was always one for competition, he was a football player overall he took everything as a challenge.

I felt him smirk as we continued planning for his attack. I was intrigued as what it was going to be but couldn't help have a certain amount of nervousness from what was to come from his actions.

He was unable to read and this trait certainly didn't help as of now. I needed to know what lied next as i would be prepared so i sit there on his lap still following as what we were doing before.I travel my hands to his hair gripping at it tightly. I had grown comfortable taking in his breath and relying on his tongue.

I felt at peace and wasn't expecting anything Jurassic, however sometimes being to comfortable can cost a price. I felt as Jungkooks hand squeezed my ass bringing me from my state making me gasp as he took full dominance. He smirked into the kiss glad that he finally accomplished his waited goal.

Jungkook quickly flipped us over as i was now underneath him while he eyed me hungrily. The stare put me at a boost of confidence feeling that he needed me now. It always did provide good feelings when you felt needed wither it be sexually or emotional. My body had been set on sexually desire seeking for the exhilaration my body could consume in on take of his touch.

His mouth latched onto my right nipple circling the bud around in his mouth. I felt my nipple go hard while t was in his savory mouth. He grabbing my other breast as he felt it was being neglected. He often gave it a firm squeeze while he massaged it.I had been a moaning mess all while he was doing so.

My hands coursed through his hair longing the way they slipped through my fingers yet provided a good comfort. Jungkook hummed as i moaned enjoying the pleasure he was causing me.

Once in a while he looked up as i met his lust filled eyes. He squinted his as wanting to make eye contact only for me to throw my head back in pure pleasure before he unlatched his mouth causing me to pout.His face inched up to mine, exclaiming my features.

"I think your pretty pussy deserves to be fucked. Dont you princess? You want daddy to fill you up with his cock?"

I nodded my head eagerly at his statement. Just his words were enough to send me into a pool of wetness. I had already been wet when we first arrived in the apartment but as time passed on it only began to intensify. His cock was sure enough to fill my desire and needs of sexual frustration. I took the hint that i was perceived as the same for him, making the time spent welly acquainted.

"Use your mouth baby, I love it when you use it."

"Yes daddy i want you to fill every inch of me with your cock."

Jungkook licked his lips enjoying the sin that rolled off my lips. He slowly took off my panties making sure he took a look at my women hood enjoying the wet state he caused it to be in. He directed his index finger across my wet folds as i shivered and moaned at the feeling he caused. He smirked in success at the deed he caused.

He always kept a smirk on his face as he always was able to complete these actions to his fullest. He was cocky because he knew what he could do had affects on people in good ways that made him feel empowered. I wouldn't blame Jungkook for this as if I held this i would certainly use it my advantage. I didnt have the affect he did but i had enough for Jungkook to be lusting over me. It wasnt enough to make me full blown cocky but surely fulled my desire.

I licked my lips as i eyed his hands that traveled to his boxers. I was glad that i semi had the same affect on him, of course his affect was stronger but i still manged for him to want to go through with this.His hands slowly pulled on the helm of his boxers before they pooled at his thighs. He rubbed himself slightly closing his eyes before posing himself. He looked at me with the same lust filled eyes that held eagerness. My eyes most likely read the same as my body reacted to what was to come next.

I always loved the moment before we actually had sex it was a moment of 'are we really going to do this, again?'. We always managed coming back to each other for the same desired thing and nothing more. It was the same route but not as we held different feelings each time.

Jungkook slowly directed his cock into my women hood letting out a small groan doing so. I bit my lip not wanting to let out a loud moan as it was to early. I closed my eyes tight concentrating on not moaning, occasionally letting out small noises that didn't amount to anything. I knew Jungkook didn't like when i held back in any situation, so why would this be any different. He wanted me to let it out instead of keeping in as it fueled him to keep going. I could feel his hands dig into my hip and the slight stare in my closed eyes testing my theory.

I could feel his pace start to slow down as he pressed his chest against mine. His mouth directed itself next to my ear while his fingers traced along my waist line and began growing higher. I knew he had been aiming to tempt me into coming out of my shell and not being afraid of doing so. He licked his lips as the click of his tongue ran across his lower lip signifying he had something he wanted to get off his chest.

"Its not good to keep it in baby girl, make daddy proud and show him how much you mean to him."

I kept my mouth shut as i felt his hand inch up my abdomen. I had let out shaky breathes feeling his cock slowly rub against my walls as well as his fingers reaching to my breast. Jungkook all while managed to whisper in my ear bringing me to my brink. He knew it was working as i began painting loudly but didnt usher a moan past my lips. Jungkook wasn't one to give up as he certainly loved a challenge as i was providing one before him. He wanted to make me moan and he was putting himself to the test with his best efforts.

His lips nibbled on my neck making its way across my collar bone seeking for love bites. His right hand gabbled my breast giving them the attention they deserved while they perked in his hand. His left hand rested against my waist meeting his slowly long dragged thrust. All of these were reasoning to give in and they seemed reasonable. I couldn't focus on just one as they were all coming at me creating one continuous feeling making me feel the need to release it.

"Ah, fuck."

I had whimpered it under my breath making Jungkook perk up slightly. I felt him laugh against my collar bone at my easy fail. I was weak for his touch and if he hadnt figured that out before he was sure of it. I had been hopeless when it came to him as i experienced things that where no one ever made me feel before. He pushed me to my limits without going to far making me crave for something i had been longing for. Jungkook took the moan as an advantage. His once slow pace soon jolted into a powerful thrust brought out of no where making another moan tremble from my lips.

He was no longer smirking in victory as he was slightly moaning as well from the sudden change in pace. He licked his lips once more before following the sudden pace. Jungkook met every pace as beads of sweat began to trickle down from his forehead.

I continued to let out mindless moans embracing the emotions that were coursing through out my body needing to be release.His hands dug into my waist as he used leverage to get a better spot to hit. The room was filled with skin against skin and our moans mixing together in utter euphoria.

The feeling was overwhelming as i closed my eyes trying to take every emotion in.I had been feeling every sexual desire that was flowing throughout my veins. I felt the lust in my eyes travel around my whole being as if it was being consumed by it.

Jungkook stopped in pace as i opened my eyes to see what the hold up was. He grabbed a hold of my leg attempting a knew position with hungry eyes. I was getting myself ready as i aimed to close my eyes before i heard Jungkook shout in protest at my attempt. I whimpered seeking to close my eyes trying to coop with the feeling taking over my being but seeing Jungkooks lust filled eyes sent me into over drive.His hands gripped onto my thighs as he hit each thrust with aggression.

My eyes slightly fluttered before Jungkook let out a loud groan signalling for me to open my eyes. Each time i disobeyed him his pace only increase in speed making it ever more difficult to follow his request. I moaned each time he thrust into my core as he followed along. I grabbed a hold of my breast to try and find something to take my mind off of this.

Jungkook could tell that i was breaking down and having the need to look away making a smirk form on his lips.

"If you look away i wont let you cum baby girl. I wanna see how good i make you feel, can you handle that princess?"

I couldn't rely on my words as i was already struggling to not close my eyes. I simply nodded my head looking into his irises trying to met his request. I wanted to repay him with the thrust he was bolting throughout my core sending me into a fiery blaze.

Jungkook soon tilted his head back as he was reaching his climax as was. His neck had bulged out as his Adams apple bounced while he was bracing himself for his climax.I let out a loud moan signifying i was reaching my brink as Jungkook barred his face in my neck letting out a long moan.I heard a faint ringing as i reached my climax assuming that i had been over whelmed by the experience.

I felt dazed as He filled his warmth inside of my walls surrounding every inch of it. We had planned ahead on birth control as it made the whole experience ever more intensifying and by my knowledge we had only been having intercourse with one another.

(Still wrap your dick before you stick!)

Jungkook milked our orgasms letting out a few more thrust before resting against my body. I could feel his breathe tickling against my ear. I heard his faint giggle run across my ear making my heart flutter at the noise. My mind was set back into action after my body had gotten what it longed for. Those lively minutes of fucking my feelings out had been terminated and i was now in control of my mind.

It had been scrabbled do to the actions that had just occurred. In fact I actually knew what i was feeling but didnt want to bring it to the surface as i didnt want to accept it. Jungkook lifts himself from my body resting his nose against mine and proceeds to look me in the eyes. His once lust filled eyes had turned into something i couldn't read yet was addicted to it no matter the emotion. The eye contact made me realize i hadn't fulfilled my actions but it didn't matter as he didnt need to see with his own eyes how good he made me feel. I was practically waiting for his every move awaiting to see the weight that would be held on me.

His next move was directed to my lips as i felt him slightly smirk while we deepened the kiss.The light ringing came back to my ears but only grew louder and for a longer period of time. I assumed that it was due to emotions that he was yet again causing me but was drawn out of that as vibrating occurred.

I slightly pushed Jungkook away trying to find the location of this noise while he looked at me confused, oblivious to the noise. My eyes darted to the phone as his eyes traveled to where mine were glued to. It hadn't been my phone as i didnt hold much friends. Tae wouldn't be calling me as of know as i told him that i didnt want to be bothered and left alone with my thoughts.

This leaving it to be Jungkooks phone and no one could possibly know who was contacting him. He most likely had hundreds of people listed under his phone making him not even come close to who was calling, However maybe he did. I hadnt known Jungkook as much as i had and maybe the person who was calling did.

"Arent you going to get that?"

Jungkook slightly groan kneeling on the bed moving the side table taking a peak at who had been calling him. He held his phone in his hand as i tried to read his facial expression. For once his facial expression was read able. whoever the person who was behind the phone was able to make him actually expression his emotions, opening up to them not being afraid as he knew them well. His face had been a mixture of joy and annoyance.Most likely annoyed at the timing but none of the less excited that said person decided to give him a proper text.

He didnt hesitate to type before he stopped turning his head to look at me. His emotions had then been hidden forming a straight line as if nothing had happened. Even with his stone cold poker face i could notice the wheels in his head turn as if making a decision on the spot. He quickly typed and set his phone back down before crawling back next to me.His front had been pressed against my back as steady rubbed my sides in a comforting motion.

His lips had been traveling along my jaw line making me hum and forget about the previous events. I had been focused on this very moment loving the artificial emotion it was providing. It felt as if he wanted me to be consumed by his entire existence and the passion that it came with. What had been done between us moments ago was sure enough to drag me deeper into his affection and his next words were enough to send me into oblivion.

"You know i care about you right, baby?"

It hadn't been confirmed that he liked me but he certainly did care for me meaning that we were on the road to what i longed for. Hell maybe i was far gone from that reasoning but i had been high on the affection i was feeling that i had been believing anything thrown my way.

I started believing my own feelings as well, I had cared about him too possibly even more.It scared me how in the beginning i had secluded myself from him and now i had been opening my true feeling up for myself. I had cared for him and i hardly knew if his care was an act or the real thing but i was taking it for as it is. I wanted to believe it was real, so i was going to see it how i wanted to.

"You don care about me?"

I had overthought the whole time that i hadn't had time to say anything in relation to his comment. I already knew the answer to it as it was rather easy but the true question was if really should share what i felt with him.

I hadnt known that his true emotions held as he never should them off to me, for all i knew he could be laughing in my face due to my answer but never show the true feelings. He held that poker face making things harder on me and my emotions but taking up on Taes advice maybe it would be easier.

I had just accepted my feelings and maybe i needed to let someone else in on them to make me understand them. It was a really difficult to let it out and maybe he would take it as a light heated joke but i knew it was real and that all the proof i needed"I care about you,Jungkook."

Jungkook hummed against my ear giving my hips a quick squeeze in reassurance. He kissed the shell of my ear in a passionate way making sure he made his care evident. truly did feel cared for under his touch making my heart flutter at the new fond feeling it had been longing for.

"Sleep tight babe I'll see you in the morning."

His body had left mine as he turned around and sleep away from me. My warm body that was engulfed by him soon turned cold longing for his care. I knew it was still there as i he stated it but needed to feel it. He showed it for a few mere seconds yet it was still enough to leave me in a daze. I was under his control and i wasnt capable of my actions that it sent me into a trilling yet terrifying daze. I was slowly finding out that i was falling for him but i couldn't see if his arms were open wide to catch me.I had tossed around finally waking up as my alarm clock rang off.

I had woken up thirty minutes prier than what i was supposed to walk up around. I was surprisingly getting more serious about my soccer practice which slightly scared me as i didnt put much dedication to anything. I turned my body around with my eyes still closed feeling around for my phone to hit the alarm before i gave up on my strategy and asked Jungkook for his assistance.

"Jungkook, can you please turn the alarm off?"

I waited for him to do so only as it continued to ring off. I sighed taking that he was still asleep before i finally grabbed a hold of my phone. I turned it off with a sigh asking myself if getting up was worth it while staying in bed seemed like the perfect alternative, but me being the good person am decided to get the job done. Firstly starting off with why Jungkook didn't have the decency to turn the alarm off.

"Jungkook you could have easily turned off the alarm. I swear you better be asleep or im gonna be your-"

I turned around on the other side of the bed as i wasnt greeted with his reassurance but rather an empty bed. I huffed out as i was talking to myself the entire time making me feel slightly dumb, However i was more worried about where Jungkook had went off to. I couldnt worry to much as he couldn't have gone anywhere to drastic perhaps he went to football practice early.

Jungkook always valued how well he played as he wanted to be the best, so my mind automatically drifted to so. I had no time to worry as today was set about me and how well i was going to preform meaning i needed maximum energy.I made my way into the kitchen and proceed to make coffee before sitting on the coffee table checking my text massages between me and Taehyung. I mindless texted him about practice and other things in our life before the closing of a door brought me from my thoughts.

My attention was brought to a sleepy Yoongi who was sported in his boxers and messy bed head. He hadn't spotted me yet so i decided to make the frst move.

"Morning, Yoongi i made some extra coffee. I know youre most likey tired from all the musical writing last night so have some."

Yoongi slightly jumped at my being still being fresh out of sleep and processing things. He seemed weirded out that i had been here this morning without a care. He still manged to grab a cup of coffee and accept things as it s as he sat at the table with me. I sipped on my coffee along with him as i set down my phone wanting to indulge in a slight conversation.

"So how is the music coming along?"

Yoongi looked up slightly in confusion that i actually was willing to make this situation seem some what normal. I didnt know why had been in such a great move, possibly due to last night and my dedication to my soccer as it would befit me. I was actually dong something good for myself and i couldn't help but feel good, along with an extra boost from Jungkook. I had just wanted to share it with Yoongi as he was the only one here

"Um good, just a few bugs here and there but nothing but a little fix."

I nodded my head with an encouraging smile before sipping on my coffee looking around. I felt Yoongis eyes on me but decided not to look into them as i was afraid what he might say. Maybe i had been acting slightly weird but i couldn't help it as i as in such a good mood and i didnt wan this judgement to ruin so.

"Hey um, Why are you so nice?"

"Uh i dont know. I guess i just have stuff to look forward to."

I had been confused by his sudden question. It certainly was an odd question to ask someone but i was still intrigued by his question as what it held. Did he have a reasoning behind his madness or was there no secret to hold. Was he just asking this to get underneath my skin to make me annoyed or did he want to tell me something lurking underneath his skin.

"Sometimes people take advantage of that. Youre a kind girl and even though i dont know you well enough i know you dont deserve this." Yoongi had always been one to not express his emotions, in ways he was like Jungkook but he wasnt. Yoongi never messed with other peoples feelings always telling them how it is while Jungkook snuk his way into the situation even if you wanted it or not. Yoongi never cared about any of that as he never snuk into things, if you didnt like him he didnt like you. He was blunt and honest and as of right now i wanted him to be as blunt as possible and tell me what was going on."Yoongi what are you getting at?""Jungkook. Hes been seeing another girl."He had said it slowly enough for me to process it yet i didnt even want to process such thing. He had just told me. I was such a fool for Jungkook that it had all became a blur to my enter view on the world. Jungkook had just spoored out what thought were his feelings to me last night but they were all proceeded as lies

."When you arent here she is. shes taking up the place that you once filled."

It had been harsh but Yoongi was always blunt and this was one of the situations he had used it to his advantage. I had been grateful he was able to actually sit down and tell me what was going on under my nose but was always bitter about it. I hadnt that i knew this was going to happen but i continued to let it pass with a blind eye. I was a idiotic fool for Jungkook letting him slide with every slippery move. All the lies he commenced and the disbelief i once feed myself with were all apart of my sick imagination.

Of course Jungkook wouldn't be able to fall for someone like me as we were in a way different but then again we werent. We shared the same sex drive but viewed it different. Mine led up to a romantic field while his was strictly this or that. I hadnt managed to usher a word as I was alone with my thoughts. Yoongi still eyed me hoping for a response as the news wasn't something to be taken lightly. It was something that was deeper than what he cold muster, especially when the whole problem stemmed from my doing.

I was the one that accepted his offer and feed into it. I couldn't blame anyone but myself and i needed to get that off of my chest.I opened my mouth to respond to what Yoongi had said before the door opened reviling Jungkook himself. He hadn't noticed that we were seated at first as he held a small smile on his face and closed the door lightly. Jungkook seemed as if he didn't have a worry in the world as he closed that door probably, as if he had completed a longing accomplishment.

The victory soon drowned out to a misery as he was faced with us unexpectedly. His facial expression changed quickly as he viewed us, attempting his emotions which were displayed fairly well. It was to late as i had caught him in the act. I didnt want to come to my senses but i knew that i could no longer sit back and act as if i knew nothing was happening. I had a feeling his hands roamed another body but didn't want to come to terms of being replaced. I was no longer valuable to him anymore but what was valuable was time.

He arrived exactly three minutes before the time i was originally supposed to wake up for practice, this giving him enough time to get situated and sneak in playing off anything that has occurred. This didnt happen overall as he planed, he was caught but playing it off. His charm still stayed along with his bunny smile making me want to forget every wrong act he had made and justify it as a early morning football practice.

I knew it wasn't but a part of me wanted to believe it was he waltzed into the kitchen with a worry. He was oddly calm making the situation awkward while me and Yoongi were aware of what he was doing to me without my knowledge. Now I knew and i couldn't stop letting the thoughts get to me so, i consumed them and took them in believing them.I wasn't going to let him step over me and if straying away from him was what it took i was going to follow through with it.

Jungkook had offered me a ride to which i didnt dismiss as it was simply a ride. I stood up looking around the house as it would be my last trip before my disappearance. There would be no way i could show myself in the house again as i knew that other bodies laid here with Jungkook. I could sense that Yoongi felt the same for me as he stood up from the table watching me leave.

Jungkook exited first as I followed after closing the door slightly before Yoongi stated once more before my dismissal.

"See you later."

He knew i wouldn't. This term was was sometimes used when you would depart a dear friend but would later reunite in the end of circumstances. Yoongi and I had neither been friends nor would we see each other again as the information i had revived made thing clear on my own path.

I had been grateful for what Yoongi had informed me on but always managed to gain pain from it. No matter the pain i hope it will turn into a strength giving me the power to walk away from him. I couldn't however as everything remained me of him so I would have to managed to cut things that once or still do belong to Jungkook out that including Yoongi. He seemed nice and caring but i never got to sit down and have a civil conversation that didnt rely on Jungkook and now i certainly cant have this be fulfilled.

I would also lose a tiny bit of myself as i grew attached to him. I was losing important aspects of myself to some fuck boy i didn't give a shit about eight months ago and now i was giving things up for his useless soul. I was trapped in his charm and I was working on an escape route.

It would be a longing plan that would take getting used to but it would surely be taken into action. His once cold hands that grazed against my thigh sent a warmness throughout my heart but as of know his cold hands were all but they were.

Cold hands that sent a ever longing shiver in my icy heart that he was responsible for.

#jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook imagines #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #BTS jungkook #bts jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts #bts jeon jeongguk

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daehwi · 7 years

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this might sound a bit rude but why is haknyeon even still in the top 11? i have nothing against him but i dont particularly like him either. he's managed to stay up there for so long without really having a "story", any notable talents, any memorable moments, lots of screentime, or just anything besides being jeju boy. im confused??? are knetz noticing something we arent??? i know he had a bit of a story during right round but even that was short lol pls help

!!Warning: long (possibly boring) post!!

It’s okay, buddy~

In short: He’s top 11 because he’s popular and he’s popular because he’s likable and he’s likable partly because he’s cute. I think that he’s remained stable in popularity (despite the reasons you’ve given) because of the way his popularity formed and the cultural context and cognitive biases that helped form it.

I answered an ask about this here where I talked a little about how culture plays a big role in “visuals” being super popular. In this post I will be fully expanding on the points of the previous post. In the future, I will be linking any asks about this topic to this post so I do not become redundant.

Disclaimer: I’m personally indifferent about Haknyeon- I can see why people think he’s cute but I don’t think he’s ready to be in top 11. This analysis is not intended to condemn or dismiss people’s reasons for liking him, it is also not meant to be the only reasons why he’s popular- I am merely exploring the cognitive and cultural factors that may have facilitated his popularity.

Disclaimer #2: I am not a professional psychologist/researcher/etc. I am a 3rd year cognitive science, computer programming double major who has worked in labs that study cultural differences in social and developmental psychology. I’ve done my best to research and cite the articles that I use to support my observations but feel free to bring up any discrepancies.

First, the timing:

March 9, 2017 - Mnet first unveiled the contestants through the Pick Me stage on MCountdown.

That same day, Mnet had a “Meet the Producers” event where the trainees met with fans and gave them gifts. Here’s a Naver link to their behind the scenes footage of the event.

March 10, 2017 - PR videos started being released.

April 7, 2017 - The show officially started airing.

Haknyeon caught a lot of people’s attention for being very cute and smiley at the “meet the national producers” event. Right after the event lots of people posted fan pics of him and he had fan sites popping up left and right- take a look at the twitter activity for his name on 3/9. And then on March 10, his PR video came out and people thought it was really endearing that he talked about Jeju and being a farm boy so he gained more fans.

Remember that this all happened BEFORE the season started airing. The fans hadn’t seen his talents/skills (other than what was shown in the PR video) and we hadn’t really seen anyone else’s skills/talents either. There wasn’t much to go on other than his personality and his looks and we didn’t have any way of properly comparing him to other trainees yet.

“Visual” culture:

The industry itself counts “visuals” as a position in kpop groups and the country as a whole places importance on being the best “you” you can be (as seen in their many skincare/makeup lines, minor plastic surgery -like eyelid surgery- being the norm, and their tendency to criticize). It may seem like visuals are more important in Korean culture because they are. This importance is even reflected in the fact that Korean language has more descriptive terms for people’s looks.

Examples, taken from Park, 2007 (pg. 55):

eoljjang (“face king,” a person with a handsome face), momjjang (“body king,” a person with a nice body), saengeol (a pretty face without any make-up), dongan (a young-looking face), longdari (slang term for “long legs”), jjukjjuk ppangppang (“long, slim, and supple”), S-line (hourglass figure), V-line (slender face), etc

The fact that Korea is homogeneous and has its own set of beauty standards/ideals also contributes to the disconnect between their culture and international fan’s cultures. That’s not to say other Asian cultures don’t share similar standards. In fact, John Nguyeat Erni and Siew Keng Chua argue that “racial proximity” can explain the popularity of K-drama/K-pop in Asia because of the shared “norms of beauty (male and female)… in contrast to perceived western outlooks” (quoted in Kim, 2007, pg 48).

I will not go more into these because I myself am not Korean nor have I studied these aspects sufficiently to feel confident in analyzing their role in “visual” popularity. But be aware that they exist and are large parts of the culture. (For further reading I recommend this study by Bissel & Chung where they discuss Korean socio-cultural attitudes toward ideal beauty).

The psychology of attractiveness:

It’s easy for people to become biased to a person when all they have are personality and visuals to judge them on. There is a cognitive bias that every human has in some degree or another where we tend to equate good looks with having good traits. It’s called the physical attractiveness stereotype. Studies have shown that “in a first-impression situation, [where you only have personality and visuals to judge on] a person’s level of attractiveness may evoke in a perceiver a set of expectancies” (Miller, 1970).

In 1997, Wheeler & Kim conducted a study with Korean university students where they found that Korean university students were more likely than North American university students to stereotype based on attractiveness and were more likely to rate attractive people are being more trustworthy.

In individualistic cultures, (i.e. US/Western Europe) the physical attractiveness stereotype tends to make observers perceive attractive people as more successful/powerful but it also causes observers to attribute more negative traits to attractive people and see their integrity/kindness as low. However, in collectivist cultures (i.e. East Asian countries) which stress harmony, attractive people are not seen as more powerful- instead they are seen as having higher integrity, loyalty, and other traits that culture values.

There is another cognitive bias called the halo effect where an observer’s positive impression of one aspect of a person (like their personality) makes other aspects of that person also appear positive to the observer.

One study found that subjects “significantly favored more attractive singers over the less attractive singers” even when their singing was poor. (Wapnick, Darrow, Kovacs, & Dalrymple, 1997).

Another study found that subjects rated an essay as more intelligent if the writer was attractive even when the essay itself was poorly written (Landy & Sigall 1975). Here is a quote from their study that explains the interactions between attractiveness and perception of talent (I’ve bolded some things that stood out to me):

The results of this experiment indicate thatthe physical attractiveness of an individualperforming a given task affects the manner inwhich people evaluate both the performanceand the performer. This was so even thoughthe task performance being evaluated wascompletely unrelated to the physical attractivenessof the performer. Thus, physical appearancenot only affects the way in whichothers react to a person, it also affects theway in which they react to that person’saccomplishments. (pg. 304)

Remember, these biases are often subconscious and we are not aware that we have them and are being influenced by them.

How it comes together:

Joo Haknyeon became popular because of his visuals and personality before the season started airing- in some part because of the physical attractiveness stereotype and in part because his personality is likable. Korean culture, in general, also places a lot of emphasis on “visuals”. In addition to this, the initial buzz on twitter gave him some very dedicated fans. When the season actually started airing, those fans already loved him so much that it didn’t matter if he had amazing talents or not- in their eyes, he’s the best and they want the best for him. This is the halo effect- because they love his personality and visuals, his fans are more likely to see the rest of him positively and disregard his shortcomings.

His lack of screen time only made his fandom more invested because it forced them to have to go the extra mile in finding content and information about him. Many have invested a lot effort, time, and emotions on him. (This is one of the reasons why fans are so rabid and why fans can become vicious if they feel betrayed by their idol, but I won’t go into that here).

The fact that people tend to question “Why is Haknyeon still in top 11?” etc. only strengthens the fandom because defending someone again and again only makes them believe in that person more. There’s also the confirmation bias at play- people interpret information in a way that confirms their existing beliefs- especially for emotionally charged things.

In conclusion:

There are several cognitive biases that influence how we perceive attractive people but their effect depends on culture. These reasons are not the only reasons why people like him and not every Korean fan is influenced by these biases. For the most part, though, cognitive biases and the cultural context are likely playing a role in some degree, even if people aren’t aware of it. That doesn’t make the influence wrong or the Korean perceptions wrong; it just makes them different from international perceptions.

Different cultures like different things- and a good portion of the Korean voters like Haknyeon. If you were born in Korea and grew up learning their values and immersed in their culture, you might also have liked Haknyeon. Even if you didn’t stan him, you might have included him in your top 11 vote just because he’s very cheerful and cute- which is what I think is happening. He has a big fandom, but it could also be that other fans tend to use him to fill up space. We’ll be able to assess true popularity and fandom power (and not just casual liking) once we get to 2 pick and 1 pick.

Anyway, if you read all of this, then yay! Feel free to send me a private message or an ask if anything is still confusing (and/or if you disagree and want to discuss this) and I’ll try to expand more on that particular piece. Again, in the future, I will be linking to this answer if anyone else asks this question.

#produce 101 #joo haknyeon #indepth #replies #anonymous #ignore the typos

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cultslugs-blog · 7 years

Text

@kxmukurx

“friends dont get each other off” + kamukoma

sorry it sucks im super tired :// but i hope you like it !! it gets kinda angsty oops

"kamukura-kun, i know you're not stupid," komaeda's words came out incredibly softly and quietly, so much so that it nearly sounded as if he were afraid to speak, "so you have to be smart enough to know that this has crossed the boundaries of friendship."

the topic had never crossed either of them, despite their many previous sexual encounters. they had always ended up in the hushed echo of silence, with only the ambience of ringing ears heard. lighting the room was only the subtle yellow of early sunrise that spilled through the blinds, as kamukura and komaeda lay side-by-side in a bed only meant for one person.

for a moment, kamukura pondered if komaeda was right, for a split second the thought crossed over his mind that perhaps their activities had crossed the line of a casual friendship many times. of course, they had never been 'friends', per say, just people who were able to get along and therefore spent time with each other on occassion. not out of character for him, kamukura didn't answer, just simply turned his head to look at komaeda and raised an eyebrow.

komaeda huffed, appearing the slighest bit annoyed, "friends don't get each other off, kamukura-kun," and he said it so bluntly and with such directness in his voice that kamukura had to wonder if komaeda was throwing caution to the wind or if he had gained a bit more confidence without the other knowing.

it was amazing that komaeda managed to get along with kamukura. of course, they were both of the rather disagreeable sorts, and weren't exactly popular among their classmates. both of them were described as unnerving to be around, and were never social people in the first place. however, while komaeda acted upon self-loathing by calling himself trash and discouraging people from interacting with him, kamukura simply ignored any who tried to speak to him and would lash out if they were too persistant and became an annoyance.

a drawn out two minutes of silence fell over the room, the only noise being the shifting of the sheets as komaeda moved around uncomfortably, before kamukura spoke.

"then, i suppose we are not friends," komaeda slumped beside him, barely, but he noticed, "i have never been the type to have friendships anyways."

that stung more than it should have. komaeda's chest hollowed out for a moment and his stomach dropped. he should have kept his mouth shut about it, he shouldn't have even brought up the topic of their relationship at all. komaeda wasn't sure why he brought it up, even, he wasn't sure if it was because he wanted the relationship to further into something more or if it was because he was merely curious of kamukura's opinions.

"...you're right," komaeda laughed, brokenly, "i can't believe i forgot myself like that. such worthless, disgusting garbage as myself doesn't deserve friendship, let alone physical contact!"

kamukura could pick up on the subtle cracks in komaeda's voice when he spoke, how his pitch rose, how he sounded so utterly dismayed and yet positive while speaking lowly about himself. it was easy for kamukura's hyper-observant mind to understand komaeda; and yet he couldn't understand him at the same time. despite his understanding of the situation, it didn't stop him from further inquiry.

"despite the limitless implications my statement could have," he started, "you still chose to assume the most negative outcome would follow. pray tell, why is that?"

it sounded less of a question and more as if kamukura already knew the answer, and just wanted to hear komaeda say it. komaeda only stared at him and blinked, as if confused by the question, the kind of face one would be met with if they had asked a question five times. despite this, he sucked in a breath, preparing an explanation.

"ah, you see, it's my luck cycle," kamukura listened as if he hadn't heard this story a thousand times over, "you accepting my friendship was lucky enough. but, you allowing me to have a sexual relationship with you...was even luckier, it gave me access to a different kind of touch. so it'd only be natural if this kind of misfortune followed."

kamukura nodded silently, "i see."

the white haired boy beside him huffed and flopped onto his back, his head meeting with the pillow in such a fashion causing a soft poof. the sheets rustled once more, and it was still more audible than them talking. komaeda being upset with the idea of losing a friend, and a sexual partner, was understandable. more understandable than it should be, and kamukura couldn't help but allow his mind to remain on the topic.

his feelings towards komaeda were confusing. not only had he never really had a good grip on emotions in the first place, deeming them unnecessary and nothing but a bother, but he had also never had anyone to feel any sort of appreciation or desire or love for. kamukura had never had any friends; he was never the type to enjoy the company of others, and most people didn't approach him. he had usually shown nothing but contempt for others, and because of his antisocial tendancies, he was never one to get along with people. kamukura was a disagreeble person, and nobody naturally got along with disagreeable people.

but, one thing was true and clear to him; he did feel something for komaeda. he just didn't know what it was.

being around komaeda was pleasant; he didn't speak of illogical things, was never an annoyance, and was certainly able to leave him alone when it was necessary. however, in hindsight, he could understand why most of the other students didn't like komaeda. and he didn't bother to ponder on that, because it was none of his concern.

"...if we're not friends, then what are we? fuck buddies?" komaeda's voice broke through the silence, soft and broken as it were earlier, and he sat up. kamukura watched him, with curious eyes, as he continued, "it wouldn't surprise me if you just wanted to cut the relationship entirely. i'd be okay with that. it'd be completely my fault."

more silence, until kamukura sat up alongside komaeda, and leaned over and kissed him. it wasn't harsh, and it wasn't gentle, but it wasn't exactly 'kamukura' either. that in itself surprised komaeda.

kamukura pulled away and lied back down, turning around on the other side and pulling the sheet up to his shoulder. komaeda remained silent.

not another word was spoken, as the kiss in itself spoke volumes of every word that needed to be said in the moment.

#kamukoma #writes.txt #izuru kamukura #nagito komaeda #sdr2 #me.txt #prompts.txt

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very-cherry · 7 years

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Hey. Hi. Big fan. I don't watch half of the shows that you reblog, but your enthusiasm is quality. Um.. this is super personal, so I totally understand if you don't answer, but how did you realise you were nb?

omg im so sorry you have sat through my tags for this long, buddy you deserve better lmao. but no this is super okay to talk about, and ya its personal but im alright with it bc sometimes its nice to talk about?? like its a lot easier to explain over here rather than to my family (rip) but yeah i can get into it. um, itll be under the cut tho bc its a long answer, so if my other followers (or people who may get triggered) dont wanna read like ya theres that

the short answer: i realised last year, bc of everything that piled up and me finally finding the time to sit down and Think About It.

(tl;dr: at the bottom if youre not here for the Super Long answer)

the long answer: gender had never come easily to me as a kid, like i understood that girls played with dolls and that boys played with trucks. but i also was raised in a family where girls could play with trucks too, as long as they still looked like girls. so from the get go i had a v “tomboyish” look about me, and how i presented myself. i found i was v comfy with the tomboy label growing up, bc it meant i could play with the boys but still be sensitive and emotional while the boys werent allowed to feel like that

my biggest stepping stone tbh was (is) my mother. now if youve followed me for a while you probably know that while my mother loves me, and i suppose i love her (still up in the air), our relationship is v v v v Tense. this is due mostly to the fact that she has this preconceived notion of what the world looks like, and how people should act and present themselves. for her, to have me as a child saying “i wanna dress like a boy” “i wanna be a boy” was no biggie bc i was Just A Kid and would grow up to flourish into a beautiful young woman. which, for the most part, i did. but that doesnt mean i enjoyed it. from the age i was allowed to dress myself, my mother and i would fight about my clothing choices (and i literally mean fight. she would refuse to take me somewhere if i didnt dress the way she wanted. would throw my own clothes at me or on the road outside our house etc) and she would dub my clothes “too casual” and tell me to “dress up” and “look a bit more girly, please?” which i now know is totally Gross and not v nice, but at the time i didnt know any better, i hadnt grown into myself. this, alongside many years of condemnation in regards to my interests and hobbies and things i just enjoyed and wanted to talk about, just Didnt Add Up to my mother. she loved having two pretty daughters, pretty daughters who could wear dresses and live out the life she couldnt bc she fell pregnant with my older sister at 19, and thus had to grow up v quickly (no blame on my sister tho, shes my favourite person in the world and shes trying v hard to understand me and loves me v much)

fast forward a couple years: i was 15 when i first developed my eating disorder. quite frankly, it was only upon realising that im nb as to how i figured out what my ed was Actually About. i didnt like my curves. i didnt like being “girly”. i did constant misguided ab workouts and ate three rice cakes for lunch, followed by nothing but a banana until dinner. my sleep patterns were hit and miss bc i would either write away the pain or stay up wondering what this Thing i was feeling was (spoiler: it was dysphoria). i tried super hard to love my curves, to own myself and how i looked, but it never felt Right. i never understood. i would see my psychologist and ramble about my ed and she would pinpoint it and say it was curves and i would always just say “but its not”. bc it wasnt Just Curves, it was the idea as a whole. and it was v confusing and scary, so much like my exploration into my sexuality, i just put it off.

it was combating my ed that helped me most, i think. it was getting over it, and forcing myself back into a natural sleep pattern (so i could actually do year 12 without wrecking myself). i didnt get over it until around april 2016, which was when i fell in love with the idea of self love, and decided to give it a go. i listened to my psychologist, and she was v patient with me, and was cautious with where i placed my blame (”yes its your mothers fault for making you react and feel this way, her words hurt you. but youre the one that decides what to do with that negativity”) and it was so so so helpful. she taught me that i was deserving of love, and positivity, and that loving youself is a process, and it doesnt always work the way you want it to, but you need to find what makes you happy and keep doing that. for me, that tied into my food, my talents, my friends, and my actions. im not going to sit here and claim that fitness is key to happiness, but its part of whats key to mine (to the point that i have been inspired to become a personal trainer and teach other people that being “healthy” isnt just about food and exercise). each person has their own individual things that keep them balanced, and if yours is painting your nails instead of doing sit ups fucking go for it - just make sure you find that thing, because it gives you clarity.

my clarity hit me in the beginning of year 12, when i Sat Down and really had a think. i thought back to how i wanted to look growing up, how i wanted to act, i remembered the day i first had a proper bra bought for me instead of a crop top and the way i cried for hours that night without knowing why. i remember not wearing shirts to bed and then suddenly feeling awful when i started having to. i remembered trying to wear boxer shorts and nothing else around the house and being yelled at. i remembered telling my dad i wanted to look how he did when he was 18, and yelling at him when he said “but dont you want to be pretty like your mum”. i remembered my sister cutting my hair in the dead of night in her bedroom, bc i didnt want to look the way i did. i remembered wearing all these oversized clothes to hide my chest. being uncomfortable when anyone (family or stranger) would say “lady”, “girl”, “miss”, “female”. shrinking into myself when someone pointed out my curves. looking in thw mirror and only smiling when my hands were covering and pushing my chest. looking at the scale and not seeing anything other than a number that meant i was stuck being curved. refusing to go swimming bc it meant having to wear a bikini instead of just board shorts. wanting to play on the mens basketball team, wearing mens clothes, being mad when i suddenly couldnt wear them anymore. overcompensating by wearing midriffs and muscle shirts and short shorts and lacy underwear to impress my boyfriend(s) bc i was their GIRLfriend and this is what I Needed To Do. wearing clothes around my first girlfriend that i was really comfortable in, and her telling me that im still nb even if i have to wear a bra for now, and that she wouldnt ever take my shirt off or act as if my chest ever existed if thats what would keep me comfortable, and me nearly crying bc of how validating and overwhelming it was.

it all hit me at once, and i was struck with the blatant honesty of what this had been all along. id ignored it and shoved it down bc i didnt want to upset my mother, disappoint her. i didnt want to be what she never wanted. but then i remembered that i am deserving of love, even if its only ever from myself.

so i told my best friend, and she was so wonderful with it, and she asked what pronouns i wanted to use from now on, and she helped me ease into shopping for clothes. and i bought a binder, and it fits v well and i fucking love it. and i told my other friends, and all the ones who matter are v supportive and beautiful (one even offered to make me a suit). and i told my two favourite cousins, and my sister, and they make sure to text me that i should stretch when i wear my binder, or to take deep breaths in case i forget to and its v homey and nice and they want me to be happy. and i blurted it out to my mother and she fucking hates it, and shes threatened to “burn” my binder if she ever sees it, to “rip it off [my] body” if i ever wear it in front of her, that she wants “nothing to do with It” and that “its a fucked up idea” someone has “put into my head”. but you know what? thats okay, bc i Know who i am now. and sometimes things dont always go how you want, and sometimes the people who love you most cant love all of you, and i want you guys to know that if that ever happens, youre not obligated to love them back, okay? love yourself, love those who love All Of You.

tl;dr: years of dysphoria piled onto me when i had a hot ten minutes to fully think about it in between classes.

#replies #about #tw: emotional abuse #tw: eating disorder #im so sorry about how long this is #im sorry if it didnt answer the question the way you wanted it to #tbh im v thankful you asked this question bc its v cathartic to answer #and its so much easier to be honest to an anon #(or just someone who wont judge in general)#if you (or anyone else who read) want to personally hmu feel free to message me its totally a-okay #Anonymous

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mabylc · 7 years

Text

tagged by fren @kazenorayne

i tag @otherworldlyegg (hi dan!) and uh whoever

01. Are you named after someone? Nay, tho my name is pretty common

02. When was the last time you cried? Recently i think? like a month or two? over some dumb show about family haha

03. Do you like your handwriting? NO its horrid tho i love writing ironically

04. What is your fave lunch meat? I dont have a preferance but i like fresh ones

05. Do you have kids? BESIDES MY KINGDOM HEARTS?? no maybe my hams and poogs

06. If you were another person, would you be mates with yourself? i dont think so cos i clash too much. Maybe a fighting buddy?

07. Do you use sarcasm?

why I’d NEVER

08. Do you still have your tonsils? Yesh i do

09. Would you bungee jump? mhm! would love to!

10. What is your fave cereal? ...cornflakes... i know i boring la

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes, depends on the situation

12. Do you think you are a strong person? Physically? Im alright. Mentally? im..jaded

13. Fav ice cream flavour? Vanilla told you im boring

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their habits and interests. I used to pick up their negative quirks but that alone doesn't make a person. I’m trying to be positive cos there’s enough negativity around la

15. Red or pink? Red

16. What is the least fav physical thing you like about yourself? My FLABS

17. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Red pants no shoes!

18. What was the last thing you ate? noodles!

19. What are you listening to right now? Lucy Rose - Shiver

20. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Grey or brown

21. Favourite smell? The smell of the seabreeze at night and the rain

22. Who was the last person you spoke on the phone to? My store manager at work hah

23. Favourite sport to watch? Martial arts definitely

24. Hair colour? dark brown

25. Eye colour? Dark brown with dark blue on the outer rim

26. Do you wear contacts? nope im terrified but i do want to

27. Favourite food? right now? idk home cooked foods?

28. Scary movies or comedy? Either! tho dramas are nice too

29. Last movie you watched? Moana! aloha frens!

30. What colour shirt are you wearing? A white t-shirt

31. Summer or winter? I would like autumn tbh it seems floaty and soft

32. Hugs or kisses?

Hickeys i-i mean either is good. It depends on who actually XD

33. What books are you currently reading? Wuthering heights - Emily Brontë

34. Who do you miss right now? a few people, but i cant see them anymore so im just trying to move on

35. What is on your mouse pad? An L4D exclusive mousepad

36. What is the last t.v. show you watched? Man vs Wild

37. What is the best sound? The voice of someone who genuinely accepts you for all your faults and..or rain against the window

38. Rolling stones or beatles? I like the beatles but i dont mind either!

39. Furthest you have travelled? Austrailia

40. Special talent? Perception i guess? but i have bad eyesight

41. Where you born? In Singapore,

#i wass tagged by fren

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survivorkomnata · 5 years

Text

Episode #8: "stick to ONE STORY, not nineteen." - Zach

I think missing the Joint-Tribal Council has been a net positive for my game. Both Takagi2.0 and Kato2.0 were unable to put their differences aside to settle the vote, which means Attila is free to come in and play kingmaker. The choice here is obvious. Kato2.0 could use some shrinkage. Hopefully starting with one of the two original Kato members.

I've re-connected with all of my allies. A lot of them were scared for me during my little tie incident. But now that we're back together again, we have nothing to worry about. ;)

Ally told me everything about the Joint-Tribal vote, and how Kato2.0 seemed unwilling to flip on itself. She even went so far as to tell me Zach seems more loyal to Kato2.0 than she originally expected. Maybe she'll be down to vote him out sooner than I expected. Karth also told me about the vote, and the dynamics of the Kato2.0 tribe. Jake seems to be the odd one out in all of this. It sounds like he's starting to isolate himself socially by being too sketchy with both the StephenW/Federico votes. I wonder where Miguel/Zach/Tim fit into all of this.... I guess if Karth flips, it won't really matter anyway.

It's weird to feel this safe with my alliances right now. It's honestly a new feeling for me in ORG's. I'm finding myself questioning whether I'm being arrogant or if my position is really as good as it appears to be. I put a lot of work into my relationships in the pre-merge and I feel like my social/strategic bonds couldn't be stronger than they are right now. I just hope it all starts to bare fruit here and I can be a serious winner contender.

Luke is a crackhead confirmed.

He literally is as messy as a Sloppy Joe. His stories literally don't add up in any way, shape, or form. He first began by letting me know that: Karth, Aly, and, Zach are in alliance. (He's basically trying to get me spooked about those three potentially working together in this game. K cool. FINE. Spooked? barely?).

BUT THEN he goes on to say the votes for Stephen Z were 5 to 3 and that Aly voted in the minority... but? if she had this alliance? wouldn't she have known where to fucking vote? Weird, right? Why would she flip on her "alliance" of Zach, Karth, and herself. THEN he proceeds to tell me that Aly flipped between voting out Zach and Stephen all day?

THEN HE TELLS ME... SHE WAS FLIPPING BETWEEN WHERE TO VOTE ALL DAY...

MY DUDE.. IF SHE WAS IN AN ALLIANCE WITH ZACH WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE FLIP FLOP BETWEEN VOTING HIM OUT?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

In conclusion, Luke is too messy for my taste and needs to go.

the end.

OMG I feel so happy we finally merged! I feel like I have options to work with in this merge as I think Zach, Karthik, Jake and Tim could stick together. I also have the option to work with Luke and Jake later on the game as og Kato (I have 0 interest in playing with Alyssa). If I had to choose someone to leave next it would be either Jess, Stephen (Bc I don't know em) or Alyssa who I never trusted. Also the joint tribal was a mess but it ended up going the way I wanted with an og Kato gone. (why do I want an og Kato gone?) well most of them are liars and players, but I don't wanna close the option to play with em, so like the least og Kato members there r the best bc no one would expect that probability. I also reaaally like Ally but I'm not exactly sure if I can trust her.

Well the joint tribal was intense as expected. Glad to have come through it and made the merge without facing much trouble. I learnt a lesson not to trust someone just based on past relationships. I had been looking forward to meet Luke as I have played with him on EM and he is lovely. But the first day we meet on this game he has been going around saying Zach,Ally and me are an alliance that would run this game. Not cool Luke! But I can't blame him for this as he is playing his game. I trusted Ally a lot too but off-late things seem odd with her. She told me she was voting Stephen W but then she tells me that she changed her mind at the last moment as Stephen W told her that he had an idol. I am not sure if I could believe her on this. I cannot feel comfortable anymore in this game and have to start reconsidering my options. I have been on good terms with Tim and I am planning to try and improve on it and be his best buddy. Feel things are gonna get real intense now with the merge and I am hoping I could lay low and somehow survive the next couple of votes and plan from there.

I actually made merge? shook.

I'm not too sure how exactly I am going to navigate this merge at this current moment. If you would have asked me 10 days ago who I would want to work with in the merge I probably would have had a different answer as I currently do. Honestly I found myself working with... Alyssa somehow again. However, I feel like we both know we want to end each other's game but none of us can do it just yet. So that's going to be a problem down the line and It'll be fun to see what happens. However, I'm more worried about ending Stephen's game than I am at ending Alyssa's. This dude has COME TO PLAY. I can see him making it far in this game. You can already tell he's socially connected, strategic, and I'm sure he can bring the physical when needed.

... but... I can't start killing my alliances games just yet. Right now I need to build relationships with everyone and I'm STRUGGLING to do so. I don't know if it's just these people in this game or if it's me? I've been attempting to talk to every single person in this game but.. I'm not getting much. I know this is going to sound horrible but.. trying to socialize with some of these people feels having to go to the dentist. It's unpleasant.. but I have to do it.

To build some sort of trust with certain people... I used what Luke told me about the "alliance" of Zach, Aly, and Karth and let them all know in order to build some trust. However, Alyssa randomly already knew about it (I didn't tell her) and so did Tim? So? Big Mood Energy.

There are rumours of a Kato 2.0 alliance going around currently. I want to end that "alliance" BAD if it really is a thing. However, I really don't want to step on Tim's toes and blindside him. Once I lose Tim's trust in this game I think my game is going to become significantly harder to play. I'm just not too sure what the fuck to do. I'm already flopping hard here.

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Well, to the basement once again and it sucks. I never find any luck in stuff like these which makes it terrible. A lot might happen during the merge vote as its an important vote and being left out of it is not so good for me. I can feel that Ally and Stephen have lost some trust in me which makes me sad and worried as I have been considering them as my core allies. I dont feel so good atm and I get a negative vibe which tells me I could go home tonight :(

AHHHH so merge!!! Im so happy I made merge!! Stephen won immunity as well as Alyssa!! I hope I can survive!!

I find myself in a fast forming majority with Ally, Jess, Stephen, and Alyssa. Ok the flip side I’ve been speaking with Karth, Jake, Miguel a lot and with Tim and Zach a bit. I’m feeling okay right now as no one seems to want me out and it’s looking like I have possible moves to make, the vote is set on Miguel at the moment but by tonight who knows what could happen. Idols are a big risk as well at this point so while I’m feeling safe im also highly nervous. I’ve been to the most tribals of anyone left in the game I believe so I have learned to expect some sort of drama in the last hour or so before tribal that could change the vote entirely so I’m not totally locked into a vote but I have my ideas, we will have to see what happens

i'm NOT FUCKING SURE what's going on. anyway, here's a recap of the past few days. -- STEPHEN VOTE -- stephen's a king, i love him. however, he handled this round very poorly and that got himself booted 100%. i'm happy he's on jury though i don't think i stand much chance at his vote. let me go off about something: i wanted jake out. i was so close to voting jake because i don't trust that kid really and i knew the perception would be "kato 2.0 5 are STRONG" - which it is currently. i'm WOKE! ally even told me this and it's common sense. HOWEVER, stephen threw my name out and basically threatened me (briefly, vaguely) about voting me out and i don't like that. you do not try to get me to flip by threatening to vote me out. that is not how i operate. so to the people who think we're strong - know that's not the case. i dont want to get cocky, but i think i was a swing in this vote (i could've gotten any combo of karthik, tim, and miguel to vote jake with me, or even tied it alone) but i didn't because stephen decided to throw me UTB and luke decided to be messy. stick to ONE STORY, not nineteen.

-- MERGE -- we made merge. it was really exciting to reach this stage of the game, as well as jury. at least if i get brutally blindsided ever... i'm getting to vote for a winner!!! that's really all i could ask for at this rate. but now that i've accomplished two of my goals, it's time for the next step: winning. i find this cast to be dry. by that, i mean... not super active until the time is appropriate. now, before i get dragged, i understand - why be super active when you don't have to be. but it's just been boring for the most part and no one's really utilizing the 24 hours of freedom to secure bonds (but neither was i so i can't fully complain). i got to reconnect with people & meet others. jess is great, and i missed her so much. stephen is still the same for me - sketchy but fun. alyssa is one of my favs and within minutes of speaking to her i understand why she is a force to be reckoned with. was there someone else... no. so everyone's great. anyway, alyssa and i made a pact to not target each other due to being known as 'big players' or whatever. she might've been stroking my fatass ego but... it worked.

-- IMMUNITY -- when immunity comes around, people are still staggering when it comes to socializing. some people, however, made deals with me. jess/alyssa/karthik/miguel are all legends. if i forgot someone, rip. anyway, i stayed mostly true to my deals, maybe giving it off 1 point value from where i promised. i know that i can easily win this immunity but i kind of don't care and give alissa the +3 (i thought about giving her -3, which means i win - and that would've been the case). now, before i get voted out tonight and flamed, ill say that i didnt want to win this immunity and it wouldve made me a bigger threat regardless. immunity results happen, and alyssa/stephen win. that's fine. i wasn't planning on voting one of them out this round.

-- TRIBAL -- i have talked about most of this in my conf chat so i'll just regurgitate it: ally told karthik the vote was miguel (or his name was going around). he told me. stephen told tim same news, tim told me. i think this is a decoy vote. why? because why would you tell everyone the vote, especially given that there is fear from multiple people about the Kato 2.0 alliance staying strong (it's not even alliance. BTW, POST -SEASON -- YOU WILL SEE THAT THERE WASN'T AN ALLIANCE.). am i close to them? yea, most of them, but that's the same with any combo of people who are on the same tribe for a few days/rounds. i tell jess about hearing miguels name, she asks who, i leak tims name. this was a mistake because i dont really trust jess 100% but... anyway. coincidentally, after i do this, stephen comes into my pms. he explains that miguels name has been floating around alongside the rumour of kato 2.0 being strong. this would be smart if i was dumb but it's clearly to save face. i'll credit stephen/co. tho. it's smart. i should want to vote out one of the five to secure myself and make the target fade. but have it be known that i don't see the benefit of tim/miguel/karthik leaving this tribal, especially given my target size. it's just odd. i also realize jess told karthik what she told me - about how the rumour of me/ally/karthik are a tight trio - is going around. she told me she was informing me of this info to 'have my back' but girl told other people too so i aint important LOL. alyssa tells me my name is going out now by stephen, and he allegedly has numbers. these numbers would consist of ally/stephen/luke/alyssa/jess + maybe some kato 2.0. i'm worried now. i don't anticipate jess/alyssa would vote me this soon. ally shouldn't. it'd be dumb bc i can leave at any tribal if you dont let me get to like f5/6. but i can't expect these people to always play to their win-con bc they may think their win-con is something different.

so at the moment, i struggle as im full of confusion and stress once again. maybe i should've won immunity (but also i felt like alyssa couldve beaten me easily so i didn't bother). i think the vote could be me, it makes more sense than the vote being someone like miguel (and everyone knowing said information). ill have to reassess the situation soon, but i may idol tonight. i want to trust that the following people wont vote me: alyssa/jess/karthik/tim/miguel - but can i? idk. if i could have my way, one of jake/luke would leave tonight . or stephen but sisters immune so.

this tribal has been so quiet i hate it

miguel’s name has been kinda drifting around the whole time

luke’s name is coming up a bit now

we officially formed ~the samurais~, which is me stephen luke jess and alyssa

and the 5 of us are gonna try to blindside zach

idk how well this is gonna go but i have my fingers crossed !!!!

i will NOT let these kato 2.0 bitches keep dictating votes on my ALLIES!!!! LEAVE LUKE ALONE!!!!!

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Miguel is voted out 5-4-1. He becomes the second member of our jury.

#escapenow #episode

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