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mostlysignssomeportents · 7 months

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"Efficiency" left the Big Three vulnerable to smart UAW tactics

Tomorrow (September 22), I'm (virtually) presenting at the DIG Festival in Modena, Italy. Tomorrow night, I'll be in person at LA's Book Soup for the launch of Justin C Key's "The World Wasn’t Ready for You." On September 27, I'll be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles with Brian Merchant for a joint launch for my new book The Internet Con and his new book, Blood in the Machine.

It's been 143 days since the WGA went on strike against the Hollywood studios. While early tactical leaks from the studios had studio execs chortling and twirling their mustaches about writers caving once they started losing their homes, the strikers aren't wavering – they're still out there, pounding the picket lines, every weekday:

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/08/09/how-hollywood-writers-make-ends-meet-100-days-into-the-writers-guild-strike.html

The studios obviously need writers. That gleeful, anonymous studio exec who got such an obvious erotic charge at the thought of workers being rendered homeless as punishment for challenging his corporate power completely misread the room, and his comments didn't demoralize the writers. Instead, they inspired the actors to go on strike, too.

But how have the writers stayed out since May Day? How have the actors stayed out for 69 days since their strike started on Bastille Day? We can thank the studios for that! As it turns out, the studios have devoted so much energy to rendering creative workers as precarious as possible, hiring as little as they can getting away with and using punishing overtime as a substitute for adequate staffing that they've eliminated all the workers who can't survive on side-hustles and savings for six or seven months at a time.

But even for those layoff-hardened workers, long strikes are brutal, and of course, all the affiliated trades, from costumers to grips, are feeling the pain. The strike fund only goes so far, and non-striking, affected workers don't even get that. That's why I've been donating regularly to the Entertainment Community Fund, which helps all affected workers out with cash transfers (I just gave them another $500):

https://secure2.convio.net/afa/site/Donation2?df_id=8117&8117.donation=form1&mfc_pref=T

As hot labor summer is revealed as a turning point – not just a season – long strikes will become the norm. Bosses still don't believe in worker power, and until they get their minds right, they're going to keep on trying to starve their workforces back inside. To get a sense of how long workers will have to hold out, just consider the Warrior Met strike, where Alabama coal-miners stayed out for 23 months:

https://www.thenation.com/article/activism/warrior-met-strike-union/

As Kim Kelly explained to Adam Conover in the latest Factually podcast, the Alabama coal strikers didn't get anywhere near the attention that the Hollywood strikers have enjoyed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvyMHf7Yg0Q

(To learn more about the untold story of worker organizing, from prison unions to the key role that people of color and women played in labor history, check out Kelly's book, "Fight Like Hell," now in paperback:)

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Fight-Like-Hell/Kim-Kelly/9781982171063

Which brings me to the UAW strike. This is an historic strike, the first time that the UAW has struck all of the Big Three automakers at once. Past autoworkers' strikes have marked turning points for all American workers. The 1945/46 GM strike established employers' duty to cover worker pensions, health care, and cost of living allowances. The GM strike created the American middle-class:

https://prospect.org/labor/2023-09-18-uaw-strikes-built-american-middle-class/

The Big Three are fighting for all the marbles here. They are refusing to allow unions to organize EV factories. Given that no more internal combustion cars will be in production in just a few short years, that's tantamount to eliminating auto unions altogether. The automakers are flush with cash, including billions in public subsidies from multiple bailouts, along with billions more from greedflation price-gouging. A long siege is inevitable, as the decimillionaires running these companies earn their pay by starving out their workers:

https://www.businessinsider.com/general-motors-ceo-mary-barra-salary-auto-workers-strike-uaw-2023-9

The UAW knows this, of course, and their new leadership – helmed by the union's radical president Shawn Fain – has a plan. UAW workers are engaged in tactical striking, shutting down key parts of the supply chain on a rolling basis, making the 90-day strike fund stretch much farther:

https://prospect.org/blogs-and-newsletters/tap/2023-09-18-labors-militant-creativity/

In this project, they are greatly aided by Big Car's own relentless pursuit of profit. The automakers – like every monopolized, financialized sector – have stripped all the buffers and slack out of their operations. Inventory on hand is kept to a bare minimum. Inputs are sourced from the cheapest bidder, and they're brought to the factory by the lowest-cost option. Resiliency – spare parts, backup machinery – is forever at war with profits, and profits have won and won and won, leaving auto production in a brittle, and easily shattered state.

This is especially true for staffing. Automakers are violently allergic to hiring workers, because new workers get benefits and workplace protection. Instead, the car companies routinely offer "voluntary" overtime to their existing workforce. By refusing this overtime, workers can kneecap production, without striking.

Enter "Eight and Skate," a campaign among UAW workers to clock out after their eight hour shift. As Keith Brower Brown writes for Labor Notes, the UAW organizers are telling workers that "It’s crossing an unofficial picket line to work overtime. It’s helping out the company":

https://labornotes.org/2023/09/work-extra-during-strike-auto-workers-say-eight-and-skate

Eight and Skate has already started to work; the Buffalo Ford plant can no longer run its normal weekend shifts because workers are refusing to put in voluntary overtime. Of course, bosses will strike back: the next step will be forced overtime, which will lead to the unsafe conditions that unionized workers are contractually obliged to call paid work-stoppages over, shutting down operations without touching the strike fund.

What's more, car bosses can't just halt safety stoppages or change the rules on overtime; per the UAW's last contract, bosses are required to bargain on changes to overtime rules:

https://uaw.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Working-Without-Contract-FAQ-FINAL-2.pdf

Car bosses have become lazily dependent on overtime. At GM's "highly profitable" SUV factory in Arlington, TX, normal production runs a six-days, 24 hours per day. Workers typically work five eight-hour days and nine hours on Saturdays. That's been the status quo for 11 years, but when bosses circulated the usual overtime signup sheet last week, every worker wrote "a big fat NO" next to their names.

Writing for The American Prospect, David Dayen points out that this overtime addiction puts a new complexion on the much-hyped workerpocalypse that EVs will supposedly bring about. EVs are much simpler to build than conventional cars, the argument goes, so a US transition to EVs will throw many autoworkers out of work:

https://prospect.org/labor/2023-09-20-big-threes-labor-shortages-uaw/

But the reality is that most autoworkers are doing one and a half jobs already. Reducing the "workforce" by a third could leave all these workers with their existing jobs, and the 40-hour workweek that their forebears fought for at GM inn 1945/46. Add to that the additional workers needed to make batteries, build and maintain charging infrastructure, and so on, and there's no reason to think that EVs will weaken autoworker power.

And as Dayen points out, this overtime addiction isn't limited to cars. It's also endemic to the entertainment industry, where writers' "mini rooms" and other forms of chronic understaffing are used to keep workforces at a skeleton crew, even when the overtime costs more than hiring new workers.

Bosses call themselves job creators, but they have a relentless drive to destroy jobs. If there's one thing bosses hate, it's paying workers – hence all the hype about AI and automation. The stories about looming AI-driven mass unemployment are fairy tales, but they're tailor made for financiers who get alarming, life-threatening priapism at the though of firing us all and replacing us with shell-scripts:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/09/autocomplete-worshippers/#the-real-ai-was-the-corporations-that-we-fought-along-the-way

This is why Republican "workerism" rings so hollow. Trump's GOP talks a big game about protecting "workers" (by which they mean anglo men) from immigrants and "woke captialism," but they have nothing to say about protecting workers from bosses and bankers who see every dime a worker gets as misappropriated from their dividend.

Unsurprisingly, conservative message-discipline sucks. As Luke Savage writes in Jacobin, for every mealymouthed Josh Hawley mouthing talking points that "support workers" by blaming China and Joe Biden for the Big Three's greed, there's a Tim Scott, saying the quiet part aloud:

https://jacobin.com/2023/09/republicans-uaw-strike-hawley-trump-scott/

Quoth Senator Scott: "I think Ronald Reagan gave us a great example when federal employees decided they were going to strike. He said, you strike, you’re fired. Simple concept to me. To the extent that we can use that once again, absolutely":

https://twitter.com/American_Bridge/status/1704136706574741988

The GOP's workerism is a tissue-thin fake. They can never and will never support real worker power. That creates an opportunity for Biden and Democrats to seize:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/18/co-determination/#now-make-me-do-it

Reversing two generations of anti-worker politics is a marathon, not a sprint. The strikes are going to run for months, even years. Every worker will be called upon to support their striking siblings, every day. We can do it. Solidarity now. Solidarity forever.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/21/eight-and-skate/#strike-to-rule

#pluralistic #strikes #uaw #labor #automakers #big three #big car #eight and skate #work to rule #tactics

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brokehorrorfan · 10 months

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Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror will be published on October 3 via Random House. It's curated by filmmaker Jordan Peele, who also provides an introduction and serves as editor with John Joseph Adams.

It features short stories by Erin E. Adams, Violet Allen, Lesley Nneka Arimah, Maurice Broaddus, Chesya Burke, P. Djèlí Clark, Ezra Claytan Daniels, Tananarive Due, Nalo Hopkinson, N.K. Jemisin, Justin C. Key, L.D. Lewis, Nnedi Okorafor, Tochi Onyebuchi, Rebecca Roanhorse, Nicole D. Sconiers, Rion Amilcar Scott, Terence Taylor, and Cadwell Turnbull.

The 400-page book will be available in hardcover, e-book, and audio book. The synopsis is below.

The visionary writer and director of Get Out, Us, and Nope, and founder of Monkeypaw Productions, curates this groundbreaking anthology of all-new stories of Black horror, exploring not only the terrors of the supernatural but the chilling reality of injustice that haunts our nation. A cop begins seeing huge, blinking eyes where the headlights of cars should be that tell him who to pull over. Two freedom riders take a bus ride that leaves them stranded on a lonely road in Alabama where several unsettling somethings await them. A young girl dives into the depths of the Earth in search of the demon that killed her parents. These are just a few of the worlds of Out There Screaming, Jordan Peele’s anthology of all-new horror stories by Black writers. Featuring an introduction by Peele and an all-star roster of beloved writers and new voices, Out There Screaming is a master class in horror, and—like his spine-chilling films—its stories prey on everything we think we know about our world... and redefine what it means to be afraid.

Pre-order Out There Screaming.

#jordan peele #horror books #horror anthology #get out #nope #us #black horror #monkeypaw productions #random house #book #gift #horror book #tananarive due #nalo hopkinson #tochi onyebuchi #rebecca roanhorse

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saintwrld · 1 year

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Money and Love

pairing: shuri x black fem!reader

theme: Daddy Panther meets her lovely sugar baby.

summary: as if life wasn't rainbows and butterflies enough for you, it just got a little more complicated. you try to survive but a certain panther graciously offers her hand to you.

warnings: lots of brand names bc i can, innocent!reader, panther!shuri, reader's protective and toxic parents, possessive!shuri, cocky!shuri, slight smut, thigh riding, praise kink (from Shuri)

word count: 8.7k words (just walk with me y’all)

translations: sthandwa - love, entle - pretty/beautiful, nkosazana - princess

saints's notes: hello everyone! the lovely @playgurlxoxo came up with this amazinggggg idea so i decided to attempt it 🤭. This is for my people who love a good sugar daddy/sugar baby trope so I hope i reach some people standards. also, can you tell that i love wizkid? no? great!

hope you enjoy!

edit: it took me WEEKS to finish it so y'all better like it! also if there are typos, ignore them!!

taglist: @taiiunknown , @playgurlxoxo, @abenomeiiii, @pinkwright, @verachii, @vampzxi, @izrinmabel1 , @marsology, @inmyheadimobsessed , @heejayy , @prettymrswright , @pantherheart, @sapphicvqmpires, @sariiwritingg, @mbakuetshurisprincess, @zayswriting.

Picking at the warm vegetables on your plate with the food, you listened to your parents converse about your study timetable and how it would need to be adjusted now that your aunt is coming to visit soon.

"I'm telling ya, her grades will be intact whether Melissa is here or not. What you do need to control is your raggedy little sister and she's going to behave in my house. My daughter will graduate from that university with my money in the bank." Your father snapped at your mother the moment she mentioned her younger sister.

Looking at the ticking clock on the wall and seeing the hands hit 2:45. Growing up, that would be your three hour warning mark to finish up any homework and take your ass right to bed to wake up at the crack of dawn because your father wanted you to study. Your friends were your books and maybe your two neighbours, Leilani and Justine.

"I told you, Marcus. You better respect my sister when she gets here. You acting like you the only person contributing money into this home. I work too damn hard to not be given credit." Your mother scoffed, stuffing a mini potato in her mouth as she rolled her eyes at your dad.

He simply sighed, looking at you with the same anger that he held for your mother. The moment you were born, he knew you would inherit everything from your mom and he loathed that. Your mom never told him that she was having a girl and that only pushed him to raise you to be his carbon copy with smarts and it confused you as a child. You cooped yourself up and became 'their precious little angel', staying away from everything the normal kids were doing.

I mean, you only got a phone after your 18th birthday and it only stopped being monitored months ago, giving you freedom to try and find yourself. However, you never gave yourself a chance to explore your personality. You even do college online because of what your parents taught you which is to stay away from people because they all have bad intentions.

"Y/n, take that phone of yours and go outside to take a walk. We need this to be a conversation for grown people." He ordered, immediately making you stand up and take your plate to clean it up. After stepping out of the kitchen, you quickly walked to your room to get changed. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you looked pretty decent with a light pink knit sweater with a pair of jeans with air force ones.

Heading to the front door, you heard your mother's booming voice from the dining room. "Don't go anywhere near some boys. You already look like a target for them." Rolling your eyes, you took the spare house keys and slammed the door shut as you stood on the porch. You could hear the complaints from your parents but you could care less about anything they have to say.

Your current mood was caused by a realisation you had earlier. You have no money neither do you have any financial freedom. There are things you wish you could do but you knew your parents held you back but they're right, the world wasn't a safe place even if they are superheros protecting the universe.

Shaking your head out of your thoughts, you gently knocked on the oakwood door, feeling your hands trembling. As the door opened, her deep ginger hair peeked through the door and a grin was painted her face as she recognised who was at her doorstep.

"Hey neighbour!" Your good friend and neighbour Leilani, greeted you enthusiastically with her arms open, ready to hug you. You accepted the hug and let go once she invited you inside her home.

"Hey Lei..." You trailed off, admiring her house. It was the complete opposite of what yours was because of the multiple plants adorning her walls and windows along with the vibrant colours of her furniture and how different objects were shaped differently, definitely reflecting her calm yet energetic nature.

Seeing them stop in their tracks in their emerald green kitchen, she turned back to face you with a concerned look on their face. "Nope, I will not allow you to be sad in my house. What's wrong?" Lani ran back to your side and gestured for you to sit on the large couch facing the huge tv.

"It's just," you started, plopping down on the soft couch. "I feel so...weird. People my age are doing things that would put my parents in a coma. I understand why they do what they do but it would be nice to do something for myself for once, y'know?" You whined. All your friend did was nod.

"Look, you probably don't wanna hear this but you need to start doing shit for yourself." She replied, seeing you physically cringe at the curse word. "This friendship is the most independent thing you have going for you. Hell, you even do college online because they asked you to." Leilani turned to face you completely.

"My question to you is what do you want for yourself? And don't even think of mentioning your weird ass parents." She commented, making you cut your eyes at her at the subtle insult directed to your parents.

What do you actually want for yourself? First thing that comes to your mind is freedom but you couldn't betray your parents like that. They sacrificed so much for you but if you think about clearly, the insults and bullying from them was unnecessary because you did everything they asked of you. You couldn't go to school because they wanted you to stay home. You couldn't find your own fashion sense because they claimed it was that of whorish behaviour when behind their backs, you gawked at the gorgeous women who were independent and rich on the one app you were allowed to have, Pinterest.

You envied those women. You hated how they could dress freely as they wanted to, you hated how they spent their money on beautiful bags, vacations and diamonds. You hated the smiles on their faces when holding the expensive bag with the shortest mini skirt on. You hated how you wanted to be just like them. You wanted to be a luxurious babe who had as many shoes as there were diamonds on her cuban link.

And oh, how you wanted to be loved. How you want to show off the flowers you had randomly gotten from your significant other. How you wanted to film your reaction to receiving your dream car. How you wanted to keep your relationship private from the world. And most definitely how you wanted to be treated like a princess both physically and sexually. You knew you had no experience in anything involving things that were in the bedroom. The only way you could express such was reading erotic books in the library far from home but then again, you couldn't bring yourself to read past kisses.

You wanted to be rich. You wanted to be loved. You wanted to be happy. You wanted to be free.

You just didn't know where to start.

"I want to do whatever I want." You answered, seeing a smile spread across Leilani's face. She motioned her hand for you to continue. "I want to be able to go out and be social. I wanna form friendships and relationships. I want to be free, Lani." You expressed, feeling tears prick your eyes at the realisation of your dreams.

Leilani stood up and reached her hand out to you. "Wanna start now?" She smirked. Your small smile dropped from your face along with your shoulders.

"I can't," You hesitated. "I don't have anything. They took my whole allowance and put it in my dad's pocket to go towards the church." You explained. Lani's smile widened even more. She took out her phone to text someone. "That's okay, Justine and I have been waiting for this day."

"Waiting? What are you talking about?" You said, still sitting. You were too scared to stand around in people's houses, your parents said it was rude.

"We are taking you to rebel against your parents. Just give them a bit of a heart attack when we get back." She smirked, aggressively typing her phone. You couldn't even respond because you were so shocked. Justine and Leilani were the wildest people you knew, constantly experimenting with tattoos, piercings and all sorts of clothing.

Maybe this is what you needed in order to start your journey into freedom.

The sun was beaming in your face as you sat in the passenger seat of Justine's car, driving down roads that had shops you'd only dreamt of buying from. The bass of the music had the windows slightly vibrating and your two friends sang along loudly to some rappers who you obviously weren't familiar with. Drake and 21 something. Yeah, that sounded about right.

You couldn't help but bop your head along as the beat of the song was hitting against your chest, the melody slowly becoming one of your favourite sounds.

As the song was coming to an end, Justine lowered the volume. "How you feel about piercings?" She questioned, coming to a halt at the red light. You turned your head to show her the frightened look on your face when you heard what sounded like revving from the car next door. Looking at it from your side, it looked matte black with tinted windows. However, you couldn't tell what it was because Justine was fangirling over it.

Slumping back in your seat as it sped away, your friends started discussing it. "Ayo, wasn't that a Mansory?!" Leilani exclaimed from the back seat. "I just know that shit cost a good couple millions." Justine smiled and sped up a little to catch up with the car but it was too far. Holding on to the handle on the car and gripping onto the seatbelt felt like the safest thing to do.

"Man, I love doing that. Anyway, y/n. You ain't answer the question." Justine changed the topic so quickly, you couldn't feel yourself nod, seeing the wide smiles on their faces.

Parallel parking her car in a few seconds seemed effortless as Justine parked in front of a edgy looking parlour, 'V's Secret'. "Okay! Now y/n, remember to enjoy yourself. It's okay to be nervous and if you need anything, just call us. Just don't forget what we discussed." Lani said, leaning forward and looking at me. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Uh thanks guys. I guess I-i'll see you guys later." You stuttered, clutching onto the small purse Leilani gave you since you didn't have any and you were too scared to go back home anyway so you just agreed to go with your friends.

You got out the car and waved to your overly excited friends who slowly drove off as they watched you step onto the pavement. This would be your first step into your new life, one that wouldn't be controlled by your parents. You surprisingly agreed to their plan of roaming around and window shop, getting food by yourself and anything else you could do with the money they had given you to 'jumpstart your new life' as they said.

Eventually facing the tattoo and piercing shop and taking another deep breath, you enter with fake confidence, gaining the courage to speak to someone, anyone than your friends and parents.

Exiting the shop, you wiped the last of your tears as you held a smile on your face. Grabbing your old, barely functioning phone from the purse, you looked at yourself and admired your nose piercing. It may have been small but you absolutely loved it. So much so that you hadn't been paying attention to where you were going. As if time was slowing down, you collided with someone else and watched your phone fall out of your hands, falling apart as it hit the floor.

Muttering out a few apologies, you kneeled down to collect your absolutely destroyed phone and saw a tattooed and ring-clad hand enter your vision. Looking to the side of the hand, you could see a bright orange bag with blue straps, with you immediately recognising it as 'Louis Vuitton'.

You couldn't pinpoint where you had seen the tattoos on the person's hand but they seemed extremely familiar. "No, please forgive me. I wasn't focused." A low, slightly deep accented voice assured. The accent. It all started to click for you on who exactly you bumped into. Lifting your head to look at the woman, you internally freaked out.

Queen Shuri of Wakanda. The Black Panther was in your presence, helping you. This is the same woman who you had to do an extensive project on in order to get the highest grade for your class. This was the woman who you were incredibly intimidated by whenever she would make eye contact with the camera whenever you were watching her interviews. This was one of the wealthiest and smartest people on earth. She was also what your peers would call your 'gay awakening'. She was one of the most powerful people in the world and she's helping you.

She stood up at the same time as you and the height difference was evident as she towered over you. Looking at the hand extended to you held your phone, it was definitely not going to work after that fall. Still holding an apologetic look on her face, Shuri covered the phone with her hand and held eye contact with you.

"Again, I feel absolutely terrible. Do you mind if we could go replace it?" Shuri suggested. Finally snapping out of it, you furrowed your eyebrows. "O-oh I can't make you do that. I-it's okay, Your Majesty." You hesitated to decline. From the minimal reports you had on the woman in front of you, you knew she didn't take no for an answer.

Her eyes slightly lowered and she tilted her head a little, still keeping the eye contact. You couldn't even feel her taking the phone from your hand. "I insist." She smirked and you felt a drop in your stomach as you could see a glimpse of something gold resting on her teeth.

"Okay." You whispered as she nodded and held your hand in one hand and the LV bag in the other. She began walking slowly in order for you to match her pace. "If I may ask, what is your name?" She spoke up as she still held your hand. She knew very well that people could see her and immediately recognise her but no one dared to question it.

Giving yourself a chance to observe her, you noticed that she wore a black compression shirt with black cargos paired with sneakers that looked to be from Nike. The cuban link rested on her collarbones shone brightly as the sun reflected on the diamonds. Her earrings were matching with the beaded bracelet on her wrist and on the other sat a silver and gold watch with a dark green face.

"It's Y/n, Your Majesty." You muttered, feeling the eyes on you as you walked with Shuri. You two looked completely different from each other and you knew that. She looked powerful, holding her head high and not being bothered by the stares but you, however, were an anxious mess. Today was going to be simple with you just doing one or two things that were out of your comfort zone but to be walking with royalty was just out of this world.

If your parents caught wind of this, you would be in trouble. Worse than what you could ever imagine.

Seeing Shuri slow down her pace made you halt your steps as you stopped by a car. A car that you somewhat recognised as the one that Justine and Leilani were screaming over. It was truly beautiful when it's parked in front of you. The sharp edges of the design fit Shuri and her current vibe. The car was huge and looked expensive. Shuri watched as you gawked at the car, fascinated by you. The sense of innocence you carried and how you had spoken to her as if you had feared her.

She did not want you to be afraid of her and her status however the innocent look in your eyes sparked something within her. How she wanted to protect you and keep you all to herself because the world would be far too cruel to you. The way you just are boosts her ego to a level she didn't even know existed. She wanted to spoil you with all the money she had. She couldn't get you to be with her yet so she'd lure you in with something that clearly caught your attention very quickly: money.

She unlocked the car and immediately opened the car door for you to which you thanked her as you entered the car that smelt like heaven. The scents of vanilla, sandalwood and a hint of chocolate hit your nose in the most pleasant way. Looking at the rest of the car, you noticed that the stitching on the seats was yellow with the logo replaced with a panther and there were stars on the roof. The dash of the car was black with a hints that you're inside a Lamborghini. Not just any, a customised version for the queen of Wakanda.

She entered the car very quietly, making sure to not startle you during your observation. You watched as her tattooed hand lifted the lever and press 'start', hearing the car roar as she got ready to drive, fastening her seatbelt and her reaching over to fasten yours. Her face was inches away from yours, smelling her perfume and looking at her neck tattoos, drove you crazy. The same feeling you had when you looked at her the first time definitely increased because of her kind gesture. You unconsciously clenched your thighs together, seeing her subtly smirk at you.

"Your name is beautiful. May I apologise once again for your phone." Shuri mentioned, seeing you shake your head in disagreement. "Seriously, there's no need to. I was at fault mostly because I wasn't looking, Panther." You assured, immediately slapping your hand over your mouth as you looked away from her.

Panther?! Why did you call her that?!

"So I'm guessing we're on nickname basis already? I haven't even gotten the chance to introduce myself, sthandwa." She teased, turning the steering wheel to finally drive into the main road. "I-I know that." You muttered making the woman next to you chuckle.

"Can I?" She asked, with you immediately nodding your head. She took note of your eagerness around her. How cute.

"I'm Queen Shuri of Wakanda and also the Black Panther. Do you mind telling me about yourself?" She suggested to which you turned to face her. How were you going to do this? You couldn't reveal your entire life story to her but then again, she's the only person you've met outside of your neighbourhood. You felt protected with Shuri.

"I'm..y/n and I'm a broke college student who just recently got a nose piercing." You said and she looked at you. Looking into your eyes then nose then lips and back to your eyes again. "The piercing suits you." She complimented you and you couldn't help but blush at her words. "Thank you." You whispered as you hid behind your sweater paw.

As if time sped up, the car had stopped and Shuri was climbing out of it to open the door for you once again. You looked at your surroundings once you stepped outside and it was the Apple Store. Knowing how expensive the phones and accessories were, you immediately turned to plead with Shuri to not enter but she gave you a look, lowered eyes with a teasing smile that definitely shut you up.

Walking into the store, you noticed it was empty with employees standing around, gawking at the two of you. Shuri stopped at a particular table with the latest phones on display. Looking at her confused, she pointed to the phones. "Choose the one you want, entle." She smirked. You shook your head slightly, placing your hand on hers. "Shuri, I can't. This is too expensive-"

"I don't take no for an answer, nkosazana. Please, be my guest and choose other things if you want." She looked around the shop and you saw how the workers literally looked away if she faced them. As you looked back at the phones, Shuri went to the employees to introduce herself to every single one of them, displaying her kindness. As much as she has power, she would never want anyone to be scared of her.

Tapping her Kimoyo beads onto the machine and hearing a ping, the employee bagged up your items and gave them to you as Shuri gave you a smile, displaying her grillz. Holding your hand as you two walked out of the store, she greeted everyone goodbye to which they responded back enthusiastically.

You placed the bag in the back seat and entered the passenger seat once again. You felt hot. You kept fanning yourself and using your sweater as a fan. You knew it was because of Shuri. The way she spoke to the employees, the way she held your waist when you had wandered to get a cheaper phone but she wouldn't allow it, wanting you to have what you desired. The way she smiled at you when she was talking to other people. The look she gave you when you thanked her as they rang up your items.

She started driving towards the direction of where you met her. "Would you like a change of clothes? I noticed it in the store." She smiled. "I couldn't possibly do that to you. What you spent on me is more than enough and I'm forever grateful." You gestured to the bag sitting in the backseat.

"Y/n. I truly don't mind doing it all over again. Is that okay with you, sthandwa?" She turned to face you as she stopped at a red light, lifting your chin slightly with a finger. Looking into her eyes, you could tell she was serious.

You pondered over what she just said to you. "So, you are suggesting that you wanna continue spending money on me? Why?" You questioned and she gave a cheeky smile.

"Why not?" She responded and continued driving. You slouched down into the passenger seat in disbelief. Was this going to get you in trouble? Looking at Shuri for some sort of clarification that this is actually happening, you noticed the way she drove. Effortlessly driving with one hand whilst the other is relaxed, ready to shift the Lamborghini into sport mode and in that moment, it made your attraction to her more obvious even though you thought you were being discreet.

Your increased heartbeat heightened her panther senses greatly. Shuri could see you shyly turn away from her whenever she made eye contact with you and she definitely saw the way your face brightened up every time you would see stores like Gucci or Chanel as you two drove past them.

"But.." You sighed, not sure whether to say anything to Shuri or not but there was a sense of comfort you felt with her and it urged you to tell her. It was also for your own good as you kept thinking back to your parents and what they would think of your actions.

"Mhm?" She hummed.

"It's just that...my parents aren't very..nice people. They won't accept any of this, they don't even want me going outside the house! How am I gonna hide these gifts? Oh my goodness, how am I gonna get home?!" You panicked. You've said too much and now, Shuri's going to judge you. Your parents always warned you about talking too much.

You tried breathing in and out, trying to calm your mind clouded with negative thoughts, insults your mom would hurl at you for easily getting into someone's car and how your father would lock you inside your room for even staying out this long.

You had been so out of it, you didn't realise that Shuri had stopped the car on the side of the road and was on your side of the car in seconds. She opened your car door and immediately held your face in her hands. "Hey hey, it's okay, it's okay." Shuri whispered as she tried to look into your eyes which were flowing with tears. You wrapped your arms around her neck as you melted into her touch. Shuri's scent had filled your nose, easing your nerves as your tears slowed down.

"Please look at me, entle." She pleaded. Lifting your head with embarrassment, you looked into her beautiful dark eyes that held sincerity and..adoration. "How about this? Let's go shopping for anything you want. Would that make you happy?" Shuri suggested and you looked at her with wide eyes again.

"You would do that for me?" You asked and you swore you saw Shuri's eyes darken as she stared into yours. "In a heartbeat, sthandwa." And that right there confirmed that you were now her sugar baby.

Stumbling onto Leilani's porch with multiple shopping bags, you knocked and waited for your neighbour to answer her door. Shuri was standing next to you, hoping to help you inside. The pretty Lamborghini was sitting in front of Leilani's house to not get you in trouble which you were most definitely in.

Looking over at your home, you noticed the lights were still on but you kept seeing figures in your room. It was probably your parents doing an 'inspection' as they call it where they check for anything that seems out of your character, such as you writing anything other than school work or even a fictional book.

Even though Shuri tried her best to calm you down throughout the day, you couldn't help but panic. You disrespected your parents. You completely disobeyed them and you knew you were in for it. They would most likely lock you up in your room however, there was a part of you that didn't care. You were happy. Even if this was the only day you would ever be free, you got to spend it with Shuri who you were forever grateful for.

Oh, Shuri. You trusted her with everything you had. How you finally voiced your feelings about your parents and how you realised that you weren't like other people your age. Shuri knew you hadn't recognised your sheltered-ness away from the world yet you yearned to be out there and completely change your perspective on life to that of a rich and free woman. She wanted to be the one to do that for you. To show you how fun life can be, to corrupt you a little, to make you feel good and to spoil you rotten.

Before you could lift another finger to knock on the door again, it swung open and revealed Leilani, wearing the same outfit as earlier and barely focusing on the people in front of her and shouting at whoever was in the living room.

"Yeah yeah, just scroll through the shows Justine! I think it's- Oh my god, y/n! You're alive! How'd you..get..here?" Lani's speech trailed off completely as she let go of your face and stared at who was standing next to you with utter surprise.

"Uh-I-uh" She stammered. She never does that. Hearing commotion from the front door, Justine also made her way there only for her to be shocked just like Leilani. "Is this real?" Justine whispered to you whilst looking at Shuri. "It is very much real however I do have to leave now. It was nice to meet you..." Shuri began, trailing off by asking for their names.

"Leilani!" "Justine!" They both shouted, making Shuri smile. "I'm Shuri. Just making sure that Y/n gets home safely. Have a good rest of your evening," She introduced herself then turned to you. "Sthandwa, I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed your forehead and waved at your starstruck friends as she walked to her car, revving it as she drove down the street.

You turned back to your friends with a smile on your face and they immediately dragged you and the shopping bags inside before screaming their lungs out. "Was that the fucking Queen of Wakanda?!" "She was on my damn porch!" Leilani looked at you and that's when you knew you were in for a long night with your friends.

"Girl, we said a nose piercing, not half of Beyoncé's closet!" Justine picked up the bags and looked at the labels. "Bitch. She's got Gucci, Chanel, Rick Owens, Ysl, Balmain, Burberry, Dior and is that...is that Valentino?!" Leilani joined Justine in looking at the 13 bags sprawled out on the floor.

"Wait a damn minute. Shuri bought all this for you?" Justine asked you and looked into your eyes. You instantly started feeling bad. "Oh, was she not supposed to? I can call her and tell her to take them back-" "NO!" Your friends simultaneously shouted, causing you to flinch at the noise. "Sorry, what we meant to say was that these are your things. Queen Shuri bought them for you so you don't have to return them, okay?" Leilani then explained and you nodded.

"Do you wanna tell us about your day? After getting the piercing, what happened?" Justine asked as she led you guys to the living room couch. "Oh! I dropped my phone and she offered to buy me a new one and so she did and bought me other things from the Apple Store. Then I had a little panic attack but she helped a lot then took me out for lunch then we went shopping. Can you believe all she had to do was walk in and the stores would stay open for us? She then offered to do this again and she's seeing me again tomorrow." You rambled.

Taking a deep breath, you calmed yourself down and looked to your friends who were still in shock. "Dude, she basically asked you to be her sugar baby." Now, you were a little confused. "What's that?" You asked. "In hindsight, you get paid by someone to spend time with them and in return, they spoil you with whatever you want." Leilani explained, causing you to stay silent.

Would that be a problem for Shuri if anyone found out?

"Anyways! Let's go choose an outfit for you! Did she say you could be comfortable?" Justine stood up and questioned. "She just said to be myself and wear whatever I want." You answered making their smiles grow larger.

Adding the glue to your false eyelashes, Leilani gently stuck the natural-looking minks on. Opening your eyes, you looked at yourself in the mirror, you admired what you saw. It was still your face, just with a little makeup on, the girls giving you a natural look. Your hair was styled so beautifully, Leilani creating the long braid effortlessly with two curls in front of your face.

The dark green khaki mini skirt was pleated with ease, the colour scheme working nicely as your white knit sweater looked effortlessly put together with platform Rick Owen sneakers gracing your feet. The Dior earrings were exposed due to your hairstyle which also didn't hide the cuban link you had on. You loved Shuri's one so she decided to get you your own.

"Ah! You look so pretty!" Justine complimented you and you had the biggest grin on your face. You felt beautiful and that made you happy. Just the whole day had you feeling amazing. After bonding with your friends and them fawning over your clothes and your new lifestyle, you went back home empty handed and said to your parents that you went to the library and they believed you. You finally lied to them and it felt good. Doesn't mean you're going to did it all the time but it felt good.

This morning, they had decided to leave the house to you for the weekend as they're leaving for a church event and they knew you had a paper due soon (that you've already completed). You immediately informed your friends and they made it their mission to get you ready for tonight.

Picking up your new phone from Leilani's vanity, you noticed a notification from Shuri and that she was 10 minutes away from your location however she sent that message ten minutes ago. Your eyes widened and you rushed to look outside the bedroom window to see a g wagon and Shuri leaning against it. The panther could feel you looking at her from the window and she smiled at you, making you squeal as you grabbed your mini Lady Dior bag.

Before opening the front door, you looked back to your friends to give them both hugs as goodbyes before making your way out of the door to meet Shuri. Leilani shouted her supportive words as she leaned on her porch, as if she's watching her child leave to go on a date.

"Hiii!" You elongated the greeting towards the panther who sported a toothy grin, reaching her hand out to you to be held. Observing her, you noticed you both went a familiar route with your outfit. Shuri looked casual with a red Diesel sweater and black cargo, finished off with red nike dunks. You noticed that you both wore the chain and it made your heart jump. "Hello Y/n. Did you say bye to your friends?" She asked and you nodded. She nodded as well and opened the car door for you, struggling to get into the large car and eventually using the step of the car.

The trip to your destination was unfamiliar however, Shuri was dedicated to making you feel comfortable and decided to play a bit of music but kept it soft enough to keep conversation with you. Driving into the entrance of the restaurant, you were absolutely mesmerised by the exterior of it all. It looked like an luxury hotel with a valet in front and you were so excited to even step foot in such a place. Putting your focus back in front of you, a forest green Rolls Royce Cullinan entered your vision and you were absolutely stunned, looking to Shuri who was smiling at your reaction.

"Remember I was talking about it yesterday? I didn't think it existed! It's so pretty!" You gushed at the car once again. Shuri had noticed your fascination with cars as you spent the afternoon with her yesterday and how you had pointed out the Cullinan because of its stature and its design. You also pointed out that you knew how to drive but your parents basically forbid you from driving in case you ever thought of leaving them. Shuri kept the information and changed the subject as she noticed your mood change at the subject of your living situation.

"I wonder if the owner just bought it because it looks brand new." You thought out loud, seeing the car reverse-park into the space next to Shuri's g wagon. You wondered why she didn't use the valet workers to park the car but you brushed it off as she helped you out of the car.

"Is this a contract?" You asked after you swallowed the last of your pasta al forno. Shuri nodded before speaking. "It's to set rules for this arrangement before we continue with it. Just read through it then tell me what you think." She said, taking a sip of her cocktail as she looked at you. Although you had changed your look for this date, she found you absolutely stunning. She adored how your eyes lit up at anything that interested you and how you took a deep breath whenever entering a new place as if you're reassuring yourself that you're actually doing something. And your smile. How she wished she could engrave the image of your smile in her mind. It lit up every room you walked and it made Shuri's heart melt everytime. How you cling to her arm at the slightest stare people give you two as if you feel safe with her and she loved it. She hadn't told anyone about you as if you were too good to be true.

You leaned your head closer to the single piece of paper, reading every word in your mind unless you had questions for her. " 'According to your availability, you can accompany me to Wakanda and possibly any other event.' Are you sure?" You asked the panther. She placed her fork down and nodded. "You could ask anytime to join me and I will fly you out if you're not with me. However, you won't be using any airplanes most of the time." Shuri stated and the sheer thought of travelling with her made you rub your thighs together. Just being around her made you feel things you've never felt before and you needed some sort of release.

Reading over the financial aspect of the contract, it stated that you would be getting your own bank account and on each meeting you have with her, you would get ten thousand dollars every single time. You audibly gasped when you read that. Lifting your head to make eye contact with Shuri, she gave you the smallest smirk, clearly amused by your stunned expression.

"What's wrong, sthandwa?" She asked, "Is it too little? We can discuss the price." The royal suggested, knowing all too well what she was doing. "Too litt- Your majesty, this is way more than enough. What am I gonna do with so much?" You pondered, continuously looking back at the contract in front of you.

"Whatever your heart desires. And please, don't be afraid to ask me for anything that you want. I want to do this for you, okay?" Shuri held her hand out to you on the table and you hurriedly put yours on top. You couldn't come up with any words for her. This was something that could happen in your wildest dreams and it was right in front of you.

"Read the rest of the contract then let me know your thoughts." Shuri took a sip of her drink again and you couldn't help but looking at her throat as the drink went down. Everything about Shuri right now made your body tingle however you couldn't voice that to her, you didn't want to think of her touching you yet or how your underwear was getting damp at the thought of her caressing your body with her tattooed hands.

"Y/n?" Shuri called out to you. You perked your head up once again. "Huh? Oh! T-the contract yes" You stuttered, internally panicking that she caught you zoned out. You could only imagine what she would say if she knew what you were thinking about.

"Are you okay, entle? Are you nervous?" When asking the second question, Shuri's tone dropped slightly, giving you shivers down your spine. Shaking your head at her and deciding to focus on the paper in front of you, it shows that you've reached the physical section of it. The contract stated that there would be sexual contact within the arrangement but only when you are comfortable enough to begin with it. Reading the sentence caused your face to heat up more than before and it caught the attention of Shuri who just smirked to herself. It had also stated that if it there were to be any romantic feelings involved, to not be afraid to act upon them. "Romantic?" You muttered. "It's normal for people to gain a romantic connection. If it so happens within this arrangement, there won't be an issue." Shuri answered. You took in her words and felt a pull in your stomach that felt pleasurable.

"I see you're near the end. Would you like me to adjust anything for you?" She asked, batting her pretty eyes at you as if she wasn't the cause of your lower body...issues. You gave a slight nod. "Um, I know i-i'll be comfortable with it but I only have one question for you. Is it okay if someone like...you were to have an arrangement with me like this?" You pondered. Was this even allowed?

"Y/n. As much as I don't want to sound like a narcissist, I am the queen of Wakanda and I'm allowed to have my own fun at times." Shuri expressed to you. All you could do was nod at the panther's words of subtle cockiness. You had more that you wanted to say but your body betrayed you as you released the slightest of a whimper. You were holding the hem of your skirt tightly, avoiding all eye contact with Shuri as you were filled with embarrassment.

Shuri looked at you with amusement, seeing you folding so quickly at her words. As much as she wanted to take you right then and there, she refrained because she knew she had a surprise planned for you. "Look at you, all flustered. Just from my words, nkosazana?" Shuri commented, leaning against the chair as she observed you.

She couldn't wait any longer. She needed to do something for you, anything to see you all over her. Calling her name out loud when you-

"Come with me, baby. I have something for you." The panther rose to her feet, going over to your side of the table to help you up. Keeping the eye contact between the two of you, she took your hand and began to lead you out of the private seating of the restaurant.

"Wait Shuri. What about dinner?" You looked back at the table to see your empty plates left there. "I had already payed for everything before I picked you up." She commented, giving a nod and smile to the waiter who entered the section to clear out the table. People in the restaurant weren't afraid to stare at the royal and the girl with her but seeing Shuri hold herself up with confidence was the hottest thing you've ever seen, her giving acknowledgment to the employees only.

Walking out of the restaurant and onto the walkway to the parking lot, she wrapped her arm around you to keep you as close to her as she could. Reaching her G-wagon, you grew confused as you turned to her only for her to have an object in her hand that wasn't there before.

You looked at the beautiful Rolls Royce once again, seeing the RR statue lift from the hood of the car. The car's lights blinked once and you were a little scared that the owner of the car would see two people just standing in front of it. Shuri took your hand again and placed the object in your hand, looking down to see car keys with the logo of the forest green beauty.

Realising what was going on, you snapped your head towards the royal who had the most beautiful smile on her face as she watched your reaction to her gift. "You got me my dream car?" You whispered as you stepped closer to her, inhaling her addicting scent.

"For when I'm not around and you just feel like getting out of the house." Shuri said, looking into your eyes seeing the slightest hint of tears brimming. You wrapped your arms around her waist, bringing her even closer to you. She reciprocated the hug and it was a silent moment between the two of you, something that will never be forgotten.

She lightly tapped your lower back, causing you to lift your head to look up at her without letting go of the hug. "Let's go see inside. I added a few touches to make it special for you." Shuri mentioned, turning both of your bodies towards the car whilst keeping her arm around you. "Thank you." You whispered to her and leaned close her face to give a kiss on the cheek, already missing the feeling of your lips.

Running towards your brand new car, you opened the driver's door and hopped in with the door closing by itself. The seat was adjusted for you and you held onto the steering wheel with the silver stitching. Looking across the dashboard, it was as if marble had been placed there above the compartment area. Studying the seats, they had the same stitching as the steering wheel and the seat head had your name in cursive instead of the classic RR. The backseat of the vehicle had two gifts, one from Hermes and one from cartier with the prettiest bouquet of flowers behind them. Finally looking up the ceiling, you noticed the infamous stars on the ceiling. Looking at Shuri sitting comfortably in the passenger seat, you felt the feeling from the restaurant come back as you see Shuri gazing at you.

"Entle," She called out, with you responding with a hum as you looked anywhere else but at her piercing gaze. "Look at me." She commanded. Giving yourself the courage to, you met her eyes that had seemed to darken.

She patted her thigh, encouraging you to climb over to her side of the car. You lifted your legs over the middle of the car, hovering over the thigh she had tapped. Reaching for your hips, she held them and slowly brought you down to completely sit on her. You whimpered at the contact your core made with the material of her pants. "Do you want me to make you feel better?" She taunted, Shuri had gotten wrapped around her finger. She had barely touched you and you had only sat on yet you could feel your release as she spoke those words.

You hurriedly nodded, holding her shoulders for support to get you ready. "I need words, my love." "Yes, please Shuri." You pleaded. You were on the verge of tears at this point and the royal had barely lifted a finger. Dragging her hands up your thighs, they landed on your ass, slightly grabbing onto the flesh causing you to lean forward. The gaps erupted from you quickly as your underwear dampened even further.

Holding the space between your ass and your hips, Shuri slowly guided you as she rocked you back and forth making you release stutterted moans. "Let me hear, mama. I wanna hear that sweet voice." She praised, making the slick from your core travel onto her pants. "Oh my-" You cut yourself off, unable to form words when you felt her hand creep into your underwear, slowly massaging your clit.

"Please, panther." You moaned out, rocking a little more faster to chase your release. Shuri looked at your fucked out face as she lightly touched you. She began laying kisses on your exposed neck, careful to not make any marks. Kissing up your jaw until she reached your face, she looked at your parted lips before leaning in to bite your lower lip. You whined at the action, feeling the familiar pull in your stomach.

Finally placing her lips on yours, she gently guided you into the kiss, holding your face in her hands. You continued to chase your orgasm while focusing on the kiss. Occasionally pulling away to give you pecks, she kissed you again with you feeling the curls of her hair brush against your face. Indulging in her lips, Shuri sped up her movements on your clit as you felt your legs begin to slightly shake, knowing you were finally getting the release you've been craving.

Releasing a loud moan when your orgasm has washed over, you panted and looked at Shuri in a dazed state. "You did such a good job, sthandwa. C'mere." She praised once again, pushing you closer to her by the arch of your back. She pecked your lips then held your hips to keep you steady on her thigh.

"Are you up for lunch tomorrow?" She suggested and you nodded, blushing at the thought of what just transpired. "We leave for Paris in the late morning then." She finalised, making you widen your eyes. "What? Isn't Paris at least 16 hours away from here?" You asked the royal who seemed to find your confusion amusing.

"Now that you're with me, you'll experience things a little differently. France is a 3 hour flight on the Talon ship. And don't even bother packing, we'll buy things that side, okay?" Shuri smiled, seeing your stunned expression.

That's when you knew that your life had changed forever.

Bonus scene!

"Y/n! Get yo ass down here!" You heard your father's shrill voice scream at the top of his lungs. Rolling your eyes, you made your way downstairs holding the Hermes Kelly bag that Shuri had bought for you on your first date.

Hearing your mother gasp loudly as you ascended down the stairs was enough to suck the air out of the room. You looked down to your outfit and saw the reason for her dramatics. Your maxi dress had cut outs on the sides of it along with the plunging neckline showing off your chest. Not to mention the dress fitting your body tightly. The Burberry cap had covered the top of your head which held beautiful goddess braids.

Your parents had stayed at the church event and eventually travelled with the church for a few more days before coming home to find a Rolls Royce sitting in their driveway. Thinking that it was probably a neighbour, they had thought nothing of it, assuming you were at the library once again. Returning home at the crack ass of dawn from your spontaneous Paris trip with Shuri, you hadn't shown face to your parents until the next morning which is right now.

"Who's goddamn Rolls is that outside my house?! I asked that man across the street and he said it's not his. Why is it here?" He yelled out, noticing you hadn't flinched at his tone. Giving him a bored look, you answered. "It's mine. Now if you excuse me, I have to go somewhere." Walking towards the front door, you heard your mom screaming. "Who bought you such an expensive car and why the hell are you dressed like that, young lady?!"

Opening the door, you walked out and before closing it completely, "Someone will come pick up my things later on today. Bye!" You shut the door and ran to your car, immediately starting. Hearing your phone buzz as you begin to drive, you asked Siri to display it on your screen in the car.

Panther 🤍

How do you feel about coming to Wakanda with me? :)

hope you enjoyed!

#shuri #black panther #shuri udaku #letitia wright #shuri x black!reader #black panther wakanda forever #shuri x reader #wakanda forever #lgbtq #letitia wright shuri #Shuri x you #wlw #Spotify

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ellieswifie · 4 months

Text

matt sturniolo sfw alphabet headcannons

𐙚 head cannons!

authors note: heyy i hope you all enjoy this abc sfw matt headcannon. this is based off this request from @iammattswife. im excited to make a chris sfw too if anyone wants one! thank you for reading enjoy!!!

a- affectionate (how affectionate are they? how do they show this affection?)

knowing already how much matt cares for his family, i swear he’d be so affectionate. he’d just simply do little things like send you cute messages in the morning, or tell you have beautiful and amazing you are, just to remind you that he does care and love you.

b- babies (do they want a family with you? how good around kids are they)

yes! matt would absolutely be an incredible dad. he just seems like he’d be so gentle and loving if you were pregnant with his kids ugh. he also wouldn’t rush the thought of wanting kids with you if you guys were married. he’d sure bring the idea up every once in awhile, but he’s not too pushy about the entire thing. bro if his kids got his blue eyes, i’d be dead.

c- cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how often do they want to cuddle?)

matt would love cuddling. he’d want to cuddle during movies, just laying in bed together, after filming, or even just during a random afternoon. he’s definitely a little spoon, or big spoon when he knows you need to be held, but he’s totally a big teddy bear.

d- dance (do they like to dance with you? are they good at dancing?)

matt is the best dancer. justin’s words, not mine. if you guys are sharing airpods, or have music playing off each others phone or speaker, matt would just love to dance around with you. maybe it’s in his room, or the kitchen, or even in the parking lot after a kate drive. he’s always dancing and is willing to dance with you whenever.

e- effort (how much effort and energy do they put into your relationship? like dates, gift giving, anniversaries, bdays, etc.)

matthew sturniolo puts so much effort into your relationship. he’s making sure you feel love me and comfort all the time, and he spends hours planing dates. okay maybe not hours, but he spends a lot of time thinking on what makes a good date a good date. he doesn’t seem like someone who’d plan big parties or huge dinners, so when it comes to birthday presents or anniversary gifts, he tries to keep it low key and simple, but so meaningful. which i find so sweet.

f- fights (how do they handle fights?)

if you have any short of attitude or a tone towards matt, he’ll probably give you space. he has his mattitudie moments too, and doesn’t necessarily want to anger you more by trying to reason with you, but if something is really bothering you, he’ll definitely just want to talk to you.

if you guys had gotten in a argument about something together, the story would be a little different i feel like. he’d definitely not want to stay up all not pickering about something in, so he’d sleep it off, then immediately talk to you about it in the morning, reasoning with you. matt is so gentle and genuinely looks like he cares, even when he disagrees.

g- gratitude (how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what you/significant other is doing bc for them?)

oh matt tells you he’s so grateful for you everyday. he makes sure your more than aware throughout the day, even if you aren’t exactly with him.

h- hand holding (when/how often do they like to hold hands?)

now we know what matt isn’t super on pda, but if you guys are in public together, he’s always holding your hand. in his pocket, at his side, behind your back, it’s always shuttle but comfortable.

i- insight (how easily can they read you? mood, feelings, tone, etc.)

i feel like matt reads body language easily. so if your like sloppy with your words or talking less, he’d probably ask if your okay because he reads these things.

j- jealousy (do they get jealous? if so, how easily? how do they deal with it?)

i feel like jealousy isn’t a issue in your relationship. matt isn’t like a pussy boyfriend who wines and cry’s when a guy looks at you. he definitely would trust you aren’t that type, and he trusts himself in not cheating. if he does get a rush jealousy of some sort, it’s probably because of some fool.

k- kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they kiss you? where do they liked to be kissed?)

probably amazing. he’ll definitely love forehead kisses and innocent neck kisses. maybe some on your hand or cheeks.

l- love language (what is their love language?)

PHYSICAL TOUCH!!! matt is definitely the type of boyfriend to be touching you all the time. in the car, his hand placed on your knee or thigh. in public, your holding hands. during dinner, his foot is creasing yours under the table. he’s just naturally a physical touch boyfriend.

he’s definitely words of affirmation too.

m- mornings (how are mornings with them?)

lazy, but absolutely perfect. matt seems like he’d wake up early, but i feel like if it’s just you too laying in bed, you guys are laying in bed all morning. just holding each other and talking about cheesy things that need to get off your chest,

n- nicknames (what pet names/nicknames does he move to call you?)

oh matt’s calling you practically everything. babe, baby, beautiful, love, pretty, princess, your name ofc, etc. now he for sure mentioned bubba wubba isn’t on the table, but we know matt he’s lying.

o- open (how open to their feelings are they to you? when did they say they i love you? do they mention everything all at once, or wait to reveal things slowly?)

it would take matt awhile to completely come to his senses that he has someone to talk to. yes he’d be very straight forward how he feels, but it wouldn’t take him immediately realize and say it, he’d for sure need time to open up, but when he does he tells you everything.

p- patience (how patient are they with you? how easily angry do they get?)

matt would be so patience with you. if your having trouble getting something off your chest, he’s holding your hands assuring you

q- quality time (what do they do with quality time with you?)

most likely matt’s cuddling with you in his free time, or doing something crafty. like coloring or building legos, i’ve just got a cheesy feeling he’d do that.

r- rhythm (what songs/song reminds you of them?)

omg if you like taylor swift, you remind him of almost every single song. i know he mentioned taylor swift before, but like i have a feeling he’d just listen to a song you like from her on repeat because it reminds him of you.

if you don’t like taylor which is fine, you probably remind him of a frank ocean song (definitely godspeed or ivy), miguel song ((ALL I WANT IS YOU) love this song omg), or practically any mac miller song.

s- security (how protective are they when of you?)

he’s definitely more protective of you than you are of him. the sturniolo fandom is all over the place and he doesn’t really want his relationship interacting with weird and disrespectful fans. so he’ll try to distance you from car videos and on tour. when you are in a video it’s probably only for a few minutes in a vlog or a short mention.

t- tough guy (how tough are they around you?)

as chris likes to say matt is the tough guy, but when he’s with his s/o i know for a fact his tough guy shell breaks. he’s more like a little baby wanting love and comfort, then a big intense guy.

u- upset (how do they act when their upset/tired? what helps them feel better?)

we’ve all seen matt’s attitude. he can be mean, but he’s not the big bad wolf. he’ll definitely distance himself from you so he’s not getting angry at you for something he did, or even cranky with you. i think

v- vanity (do they care about how much makeup you wear or not? do they constantly care about what you wear?)

matt probably loves when you dress up and will constantly tell you how beautiful you look, but he won’t expect it out of you every day nor does he care what you wear. he wants you to dress comfortable while feeling yourself.

w- wildcard (a random head cannon for character)

weirdo head cannon but head scratches. i’ve got a gut feeling that matthew would absolutely love his girlfriend scratching his head through his hair with her nails. the two of you will be laying on the couch or his bed, him sitting in between your legs while you watch something off his phone and scratch his head. it’ll for sure probably be a stress reliever for him.

x- explicit (nsfw headcannon)

idk.. do you guys want one?

y- yearn (what do they do when they miss you?)

always texting and calling you. he’d probably send silly snap chat vlogs, or gifs to let you know he misses you and can’t wait to talk to you in person again. he also definitely calls you before bed too to wish you good night and to remind you he loves you.

z- zen (what makes them feel comfortable and calm?)

you. and your presence.

#ellieswifie #gracie writes #fem!reader #fluff #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sfw headcanons #matt sturniolo fluff #matt head cannons #alphabet headcanons #matt sturniolo x reader #matt #matthew sturniolo #matthew #matt sturniolo angst

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slothmeters · 1 year

Note

Maybe Justin Herbert or Joe Burrow giving their new gf a key to their place? Hehe I’m excited to see your work!! <3

Mi casa es su casa - Joe Burrow

- w/c - 619

- warnings - cussing, a little bit steamy at the end

- I hope you enjoyed this joey b blurb anon!

Locking my car door, I walked up to Joe’s house and knocked on the door.

It only took Joe a few seconds to answer the door because he knew that I was coming.

“Babe. You know you don’t have to knock. You basically live here now.” He said as he moved to the side to let me in.

“I know, it’s just polite, that’s the way I was raised Joey B, to be a little southern belle.” I said as I gave a little curtsy.

While Joe went to the pantry to grab snacks for the TV marathon we were about to have, I made my way to the linen closet to grab my favorite blanket of his.

“Joeyyyy!” I yelled out when I couldn’t find the blanket.

“What?!”

“Where’s the blanket?”

He walked towards me with his arms full of snacks, “It’s on the couch already, and there’s a tea in the cup holder that I have way more of in the fridge that one of the guys made for you, a phone charger connected to the outlet- oh shit-, and a little present for you on the side table.”

Snacks fell out of his arms left and right as he was telling me what was already in the living room.

We both chucked the food onto the couch before giving each other a knowing look. Whoever gets to the remote first gets to pick whatever is watched.

“Don’t you dare Joseph Lee!” I yelled at him.

He sprinted towards me, and before I had any time to think he grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder and brought me to the couch.

“Joey what are you doing?” I was beyond confused. In the 5 months of dating, we would normally almost take each other out trying to get to the remote.

“Remember when I told you I got a present for yo- fuck me man this food is gonna be the death of me; if I sit on one more box I swear I’m going to cry. Anyway, I just wanted to give you something that I hope you’ll use for a really long time.”

He nodded for me to open the box, and when I did, a little piece of paper fell out of it that said ‘mi casa es su casa.’

“Joe wh-“

“Shh, just keep opening.”

Under a piece of cloth was a matte black house key with a heart engraved on the top.

“I wanted to get you something that made sure you knew that you were always welcome at my house. Now, if you don’t want to move in you don’t have to, but I mean if you want to you can because that would be totally nice and-“

I cut him off with a kiss.

“Oh, that’s nice too. I guess I was rambling, wasn’t I?” Joe continued.

“I’d love to move in with you if you’d have me Joe!”

Everything was starting now, we were both stable and we could maintain a healthy, long-term relationship. My visions were finally coming true, and everything I was scared of was washing away slowly.

He looked up at me with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on his face.

“I mean think about it, imagine coming home from your away games to see me..” I moved closer to him so that we were able to put our foreheads together. “With nothing but your jersey and your favorite lingerie set of mine.”

The quarterback’s eyes widened at my words as he pushed all of the snacks from earlier off of the couch and pulled me onto his lap.

Needless to say, there was no show watching tonight.

#joe burrow #nfl #nfl imagine #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow imagine #blurbs

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ripempezardexerox · 14 days

Text

Dices Merzbow, yo digo Justin Beiber

Dices Boredoms, yo digo Katy Perry

Dices Gerogerigegege, yo digo Skrillex

Dices Coil, yo digo Lady Gaga

Dices Throbbing Gristle, yo digo Black Eyed Peas

Dices Whitehouse, yo digo Taylor Swift

Dices Nurse With Wound, yo digo Bruno Mars

Dices Einstürzende Neubauten, yo digo Maroon 5

Dices Brainbombs, yo digo Drake

Dices Egor Letov, yo digo One Direction

Dices Death in June, yo digo LMFAO

Dices Current 93, yo digo Beyonce

Dices La Monte Young, yo digo Carly Rae Jepsen

Dices Moondog, yo digo Kelly Clarkson

Dices Lou Harrison, yo digo Coldplay

Dices Henry Cowell, yo digo PSY

Dices Luigi Russolo, yo digo Imagine Dragons

Dices Popol Vuh, yo digo Lana Del Ray

Dices Fishmans, yo digo Ellie Goulding

Dices Jean Jacques Perrey, yo digo P!nk

Dices Les Rallizes Dénudés, yo digo Owl City

Dices Rainbow Caroliner, yo digo Carrie Underwood

Dices Taj Mahal Travellers, yo digo Christina Aguilera

Dices Fushitsusha, yo digo Ariana Grande

Dices Peter Brötzmann, yo digo Rihanna

Dices John Cage, yo digo Jennifer Lopez

Dices Scott Walker, yo digo Ed Sheeran

Dices Unwound, yo digo Mumford & Sons

Dices Dead, yo digo Tyga

Dices Frank Zappa, yo digo Shakira

Dices Morton Feldman, yo digo Macklemore

Dices Captain Beefheart, yo digo Big Time Rush

Dices Pharoah Sanders, yo digo Akon

Dices Albert Ayler, yo digo Foster the People

Dices Ornette Coleman, yo digo The Weeknd

Dices Alice Coltrane, yo digo Panic! at the Disco

Dices Arnold Schoenberg, yo digo Florida Georgia Line

Dices Pierre Boulez, yo digo Big Sean

Dices György Ligeti, yo digo Gym Class Heroes

Dices Karlheinz Stockhausen, yo digo Miley Cyrus

Dices Nang Nang, yo digo The Lumineers

Dices Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, yo digo Jay-Z

Dices Nara Leão, yo digoCharlie Puth

Dices Basic Channel, yo digo Mac Miller

Dices Raymond Scott, yo digo Twenty One Pilots

Dices Delia Derbyshire, yo digo Harry Styles

Dices Daphne Oram, yo digo Charli XCX

Dices Noah Howard, yo digoBTS

Dices Terry Riley, yo digo Iggy Azalea

Dices Peter Sotos, yo digo John Legend

Dices Lula Côrtes e Zé Ramalho, yo digo OneRepublic

Dices Boyd Rice, yo digo Migos

Dices Mahmoud Ahmed, yo digo Logic

Dices Henry Flynt, yo digo Bastille

Dices Kazumoto Endo, yo digo Five Seconds of Summer

Dices David Tudor, yo digo Pentatonix

Dices Aporea, yo digo The Chainsmokers

Dices Half Japanese, yo digo Fall Out Boy

Dices Mega Banton, yo digo David Guetta

Dices Secret Chiefs 3, yo digo Greta Van Fleet

Dices Keiji Haino, yo digo Alicia Keys

Dices Ramleh, yo digo Kanye West

Dices Otomo Yoshihide, yo digo T-Pain

Dices John Zorn, yo digo Lizzo

Dices Joe Meek, yo digo WALK THE MOON

Dices Robbie Basho, yo digo Cardi B

Dices Phil Spector, yo digo EXO

Dices Faxed Head, yo digo Solange

Dices Harry Partch, yo digo Lil Nas X

Dices Wesley Willis, yo digo Disclosure

Dices Fred Frith, yo digo Sam Smith

Dices The Residents, yo digo Michael Buble

Dices Sun Ra, yo digo Paramore

Dices Sun City Girls, yo digo Linkin Park

Dices Hans Krüsi, yo digo Florence + The Machine

Dices Royal Trux, yo digo Rascal Flatts

Dices Jandek, yo digo Eminem

Dices Yat-Kha, yo digo Chance the Rapper

Dices Loren Mazzacane Connors, yo digo Mariah Carey

Dices Pärson Sound, yo digo Snoop Dogg

Dices The Dead C, yo digo Adele

Dices Comus, yo digo Shawn Mendes

Dices Cromagnon, yo digo Chris Brown

Dices Eliane Radigue, yo digo Camilla Cabello

Dices Arthur Doyle, yo digo Halsey

Dices Shizuka, yo digo The 1975

Dices The Red Krayola, yo digo Billie Eilish

Dices Henry Cow, yo digo A$AP Rocky

Dices Magma, yo digo Dua Lipa

Dices Opus Avantra, yo digo Kendrick Lamar

Dices Pan.Thy.Monium., yo digo Nicki Minaj

Dices Murmuüre, yo digo Madonna

Dices Ksiezyc, yo digo Britney Spears

Dices Gong, yo digo Post Malone

Dices Cukor Bila Smert', yo digo Jonas Brothers

Dices cLOUDDEAD, yo opino que te calles

Dices Muslimgauze, ¡¡ YO GRITO POP!!

Dices Kaoru Abe, y te parto la madre

El 92% de la juventud está escuchando Avant Garde Noise. Si eres parte de ese 8% que aun escucha música de verdad, comparte este post a tus contactos de facebook.

¡¡¡¡ No dejes que el espíritu del POP muera !!!!

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relicsongmel · 1 month

Note

hi! i was reading your pinned post and it made me think - what color(s) are each of the aa main characters' theme songs! :0

Synesthesia question yippee!!!!! Here are all main character themes from the games I’ve played <3 so far I’ve done AA1 through AA4 as well as both Investigations games~

Phoenix Wright (Objection! 2001): G minor—dark green

Phoenix Wright (Objection! 2002): F minor—gray-blue

Phoenix Wright (Objection! 2004): D minor—sea green

Maya Fey (Turnabout Sisters 2001/2002): A♭ major—purple (roughly the same shade as her haori <3)

Miles Edgeworth (Great Revival): F minor—gray-blue

Franziska von Karma (Great Revival): G minor—dark green (though it’s worth noting that the Great Revival themes despite being in minor use a lot of borrowed harmonies from the major mode that end up brightening the overall color a little)

Dick Gumshoe (It’s Detective Gumshoe/I can do it when it counts, pal!): C minor—sea blue

Ema Skye (Turnabout Sisters 2005): C major—yellow

Ema Skye (Scientific Detective): G major—pink

Pearl Fey (Pearly Questioning): F major—cerulean

Godot (The Fragrance of Black Coffee): D major—green

Larry Butz (When Something Smells, It’s Usually Me): G mixolydian—yellow (but some sections sound blue due to borrowed flat harmonies)

Apollo Justice (Objection! 2007): G# minor—dark magenta

Trucy Wright (Child of Magic): D major—green

Klavier Gavin (Guilty Love): E♭ major—royal blue

Kay Faraday (The Great Truth Burglar): A minor—light gray

Shi-Long Lang (Speak Up, Pup!): E minor—gold

Raymond Shields (Joking Motive): A minor—light gray (with additional analysis available here if you’re interested :3)

Justine Courtney (Goddess of Law): F minor—gray-blue

Gregory Edgeworth (A Defense Attorney’s Knowledge): C major -> C minor—yellow -> sea blue

Sebastian Debeste (First-Class Reasoning): C major -> F major -> G major—yellow -> cerulean -> pink

Sebastian Debeste (A First-Class Farewell): G minor—dark green

You'll notice that not all colors necessarily match the character's color schemes. This is because while sometimes a character design can influence my synesthetic experiences (which is a whole other conversation in and of itself), they are still primarily based on the key of the theme itself—so a character theme in C major, for example, will always sound yellow regardless of which character it's meant to represent. This is both a blessing and a curse as sometimes the synesthetic color/mood will match a character perfectly whereas other times it will be completely off the mark. But it is still a very fun thing regardless—thank you for the ask!

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sonicshadowzine · 2 years

Text

◆ CONTRIBUTOR LINEUP REVEAL ◇

This is no dream! Coming from all corners of the galaxy, we are very excited to introduce the contributors of Live & Learn! Please check and support their work on their socials!

Justine (@silvermun / TWT) ◆◇ KetLike (TWT) ◆◇ Talaka (@superemeralds / TWT) ◆◇ Xammy (TWT) ◆◇ Doki (@d-o-k-i) ◆◇ Ama (@amascomet / TWT) ◆◇ Bale (TWT) ◆◇ Bon (TWT)

Cas (@candycatstuffs / TWT) ◆◇ Chaoie (@crazygadgetsa2 / TWT) ◆◇ CherriFire (@cherrifire / TWT) ◆◇ Cookiepearl (TWT) ◆◇ Foxie (TWT) ◆◇ Jade (TWT) ◆◇ Jai (@jxitrash / TWT) ◆◇ Jib (TWT)

Key C. (@keysandcrosses / TWT) ◆◇ Luc (TWT) ◆◇ Max (@jiiyawns / TWT) ◆◇ Miles A. (DeviantArt) ◆◇ NEOИ/Neo (@12neonlit-stage / TWT) ◆◇ Octo (TWT) ◆◇ Orion (@sharpedgedfool) ◆◇ Pawz-Kun (TWT)

rayactive factory (TWT) ◆◇ Revkons (TWT) ◆◇ Witty (@youhalfwit / TWT)

Allen (@allendoartnstuff / TWT) ◆◇ Dell N (TWT) ◆◇ Felichii (TWT) ◆◇ Jingle (TWT) ◆◇ Mintiiorweeos ◆◇ Moashley (TWT) ◆◇ Nova (@skelenova / TWT)

Pidgeon (@draconicdeityarts) ◆◇ ShySora (@sonicthsora / TWT) ◆◇ Vsilver (TWT)

Fenix (@cozyqueerchaos) ◆◇ Annette/Annuska (@whitejungle / TWT) ◆◇ Ashton Toonz (@hext00ns / TWT) ◆◇ Jay (TWT) ◆◇ Jay (@rubyiiiusions / TWT) ◆◇ Quillifer (@quillifer / TWT) ◆◇ Trixstar (TWT) ◆◇ Vee Skies (@vee-skies / TWT)

#zine #fanzine #sonic zine #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic #shadow #sonadow #shasonic #contributor spotlight #contributor lineup

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haveyoureadthispoll · 4 months

Text

#polls #book: out there screaming #author: various #genre: short story #genre: horror #year: 2020s

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randomvarious · 6 months

Text

Today's compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 9 2002 Pop / Hip Hop / R&B / Teen Pop / Alternative Rock / Latin Pop / Southern Rap

Alright, folks, it's time for another fun trip down memory lane, and today we're going back to 2001 and 2002, with the help of the 9th volume from the most pervasive contemporary pop compilation series that's ever existed in US history: the one and only Now That's What I Call Music!

But first, before we..."Dig In"...let's get a dose of some of that good nostalgia with the ad for this release, shall we? Did you know that if you ordered it over the phone by credit or check/debit, you'd also get a free multi-purpose picture frame-mousepad too?! Wow, so cool! 😎

youtube

Anyway, being that these sets more or less serve as documentations of what the pop music landscape was like during a pretty specific time period, what this CD seems to demonstrate, in retrospect, is that the teen pop that had really dominated the late 90s was on a bit of a downturn in '01 and '02, and its status as the most prominent type of pop music was being usurped by hip hop and R&B.

But that's also not to say that all of the teen pop on here is of a low quality either, because *NSYNC's "Gone," which was the first track of theirs to ever be fully led from start to finish by Justin Timberlake, is really one of the greatest boy band tunes that's ever been made. Minimal, but emotional, and its bridge, specifically, is spectacular 😍.

Outside of that bit of brilliance, though, the R&B and hip hop tunes are just a lot better. And to me, the song that really stands out among the rest within this whole collection is Ginuwine's "Differences," a terrific slow jam that featured some incredibly shimmering and ringing keys. Normally, I don't go for slow R&B ballads, but this one in particular was really something special.

And there's also some bangers on here that you might've just flat out forgot ever existed too. Like, remember that New Jersey co-ed R&B/hip group, City High, that gave us "What Would You Do?" back in 2001? Well, do you remember their follow-up hit that featured Eve on it, "Caramel"? Its remix, by prolific New York duo Trackmasters, seems to be on that vague South Asian fad that so much mainstream hip hop and R&B was on at around that time, and it received a considerable amount of radio play. But looking back on it, I think it's actually been pretty memory-holed!

Also, we gotta give it up for Petey Pablo's ode to his home state of North Carolina too, with "Raise Up," because the Egyptian-sampled beat on that thing was absolutely bananas. And I can't say that I'm all that fond of much southern rap, in general, but Petey's debut hit was an absolute monster. Rather than him having to sacrifice any of his rawness in order to reach a pop audience, he was able to bring his rawness to a pop audience instead. And clearly, it resonated with a whole lot of folks.

And lastly, I think we all know that Ja Rule wasn't the greatest rapper out there, but his contributions to the turn-of-the-millennium pop landscape were pretty important. He got clowned on harshly by the likes of 50 Cent and Eminem, et al, and, as a result, his career was pretty much eviscerated, but songs like his Stevie Wonder-sampled "Livin' It Up" were straight-up party jams that really deserve more love and respect.

So, another highly enjoyable rush of radio and music television memories here. A bunch of commercial classics and a smattering of jams that are a bit more forgotten too. It's pretty much all you can ever ask for out of one of these Now CDs 😊.

P.S.: I'll provide a link to it, but for the love of god, under no circumstances should you ever subject yourself to the first track on this album, which is a remix of P!nk's "Get the Party Started" that features Redman and tries to mesh itself with "Sweet Dreams," by The Eurythmics. Apparently P!nk thought that her hair gave her enough power to also possess the essence of Annie Lennox or something, but good lord, was that calculus completely wrong 🥴. Such an excruciatingly bad song! Don't click on it!

Highlights:

Mary J. Blige - "Family Affair" Jennifer Lopez - "Ain't It Funny" Ja Rule feat. Case - "Livin' It Up" Ludacris - "Rollout (My Business)" Mr. Cheeks - "Lights, Camera, Action" Petey Pablo - "Raise Up (All Cities Remix)" City High - "Caramel (Trackmasters Remix)" Nelly Furtado - "Turn off the Light" *NSYNC - "Gone" Ginuwine - "Differences" Lenny Kravitz - "Dig In" Incubus - "Wish You Were Here"

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caplanbuckybarnes · 4 days

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Username Song Game!

C- Calm Before the Storm (Fall Out Boy)

A- Anaconda (Nicki Minaj)

P- POV (Ariana Grande)

L- Lose You to Love Me (Selena Gomez)

A- Attack (System of a Down)

N- Naughty Girl (Beyonce)

B- Better Now (Post Malone)

U- U Got it Bad (she)

C- Cry Me a River (Justin Timberlake)

K- Killer Queen (Queen)

Y- You Da One (Rihanna)

B- Better Dig Two (The Band Perry)

A- Animals (Maroon 5)

R- Raised by wolves (Falling in Reverse)

N- No One (Alicia Keys)

E- Evermore (Dan Stevens)

S- Supalonely (Benee)

tagging some friends/randoms!

@targaryenvampireslayer @navybrat817 @fandom-princess-forevermore @metalbvcky @late-to-the-party-81 @nicoline1998enilocin @aegonx @wildcat116 @magellan-88 @queenpinoftheeast

#caplan speaks #taggames #tag games

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mostlysignssomeportents · 7 months

Text

Apple fucked us on right to repair (again)

Today (September 22), I'm (virtually) presenting at the DIG Festival in Modena, Italy. Tonight, I'll be in person at LA's Book Soup for the launch of Justin C Key's "The World Wasn’t Ready for You." On September 27, I'll be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles with Brian Merchant for a joint launch for my new book The Internet Con and his new book, Blood in the Machine.

Right to repair has no cannier, more dedicated adversary than Apple, a company whose most innovative work is dreaming up new ways to sneakily sabotage electronics repair while claiming to be a caring environmental steward, a lie that covers up the mountains of e-waste that Apple dooms our descendants to wade through.

Why does Apple hate repair so much? It's not that they want to poison our water and bodies with microplastics; it's not that they want to hasten the day our coastal cities drown; it's not that they relish the human misery that accompanies every gram of conflict mineral. They aren't sadists. They're merely sociopathically greedy.

Tim Cook laid it out for his investors: when people can repair their devices, they don't buy new ones. When people don't buy new devices, Apple doesn't sell them new devices. It's that's simple:

https://www.inverse.com/article/52189-tim-cook-says-apple-faces-2-key-problems-in-surprising-shareholder-letter

So Apple does everything it can to monopolize repair. Not just because this lets the company gouge you on routine service, but because it lets them decide when your phone is beyond repair, so they can offer you a trade-in, ensuring both that you buy a new device and that the device you buy is another Apple.

There are so many tactics Apple gets to use to sabotage repair. For example, Apple engraves microscopic Apple logos on the subassemblies in its devices. This allows the company to enlist US Customs to seize and destroy refurbished parts that are harvested from dead phones by workers in the Pacific Rim:

https://repair.eu/news/apple-uses-trademark-law-to-strengthen-its-monopoly-on-repair/

Of course, the easiest way to prevent harvested components from entering the parts stream is to destroy as many old devices as possible. That's why Apple's so-called "recycling" program shreds any devices you turn over to them. When you trade in your old iPhone at an Apple Store, it is converted into immortal e-waste (no other major recycling program does this). The logic is straightforward: no parts, no repairs:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/yp73jw/apple-recycling-iphones-macbooks

Shredding parts and cooking up bogus trademark claims is just for starters, though. For Apple, the true anti-repair innovation comes from the most pernicious US tech law: Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA).

DMCA 1201 is an "anti-circumvention" law. It bans the distribution of any tool that bypasses "an effective means of access control." That's all very abstract, but here's what it means: if a manufacturer sticks some Digital Rights Management (DRM) in its device, then anything you want to do that involves removing that DRM is now illegal – even if the thing itself is perfectly legal.

When Congress passed this stupid law in 1998, it had a very limited blast radius. Computers were still pretty expensive and DRM use was limited to a few narrow categories. In 1998, DMCA 1201 was mostly used to prevent you from de-regionalizing your DVD player to watch discs that had been released overseas but not in your own country.

But as we warned back then, computers were only going to get smaller and cheaper, and eventually, it would only cost manufacturers pennies to wrap their products – or even subassemblies in their products – in DRM. Congress was putting a gun on the mantelpiece in Act I, and it was bound to go off in Act III.

Welcome to Act III.

Today, it costs about a quarter to add a system-on-a-chip to even the tiniest parts. These SOCs can run DRM. Here's how that DRM works: when you put a new part in a device, the SOC and the device's main controller communicate with one another. They perform a cryptographic protocol: the part says, "Here's my serial number," and then the main controller prompts the user to enter a manufacturer-supplied secret code, and the master controller sends a signed version of this to the part, and the part and the system then recognize each other.

This process has many names, but because it was first used in the automotive sector, it's widely known as VIN-Locking (VIN stands for "vehicle identification number," the unique number given to every car by its manufacturer). VIN-locking is used by automakers to block independent mechanics from repairing your car; even if they use the manufacturer's own parts, the parts and the engine will refuse to work together until the manufacturer's rep keys in the unlock code:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

VIN locking is everywhere. It's how John Deere stops farmers from fixing their own tractors – something farmers have done literally since tractors were invented:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/

It's in ventilators. Like mobile phones, ventilators are a grotesquely monopolized sector, controlled by a single company Medtronic, whose biggest claim to fame is effecting the world's largest tax inversion in order to manufacture the appearance that it is an Irish company and therefore largely untaxable. Medtronic used the resulting windfall to gobble up most of its competitors.

During lockdown, as hospitals scrambled to keep their desperately needed supply of ventilators running, Medtronic's VIN-locking became a lethal impediment. Med-techs who used donor parts from one ventilator to keep another running – say, transplanting a screen – couldn't get the device to recognize the part because all the world's civilian aircraft were grounded, meaning Medtronic's technicians couldn't swan into their hospitals to type in the unlock code and charge them hundreds of dollars.

The saving grace was an anonymous, former Medtronic repair tech, who built pirate boxes to generate unlock codes, using any housing they could lay hands on to use as a case: guitar pedals, clock radios, etc. This tech shipped these gadgets around the world, observing strict anonymity, because Article 6 of the EUCD also bans circumvention:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#medtronic-again

Of course, Apple is a huge fan of VIN-locking. In phones, VIN-locking is usually called "serializing" or "parts-pairing," but it's the same thing: a tiny subassembly gets its own microcontroller whose sole purpose is to prevent independent repair technicians from fixing your gadget. Parts-pairing lets Apple block repairs even when the technician uses new, Apple parts – but it also lets Apple block refurb parts and third party parts.

For many years, Apple was the senior partner and leading voice in blocking state Right to Repair bills, which it killed by the dozen, leading a coalition of monopolists, from Wahl (who boobytrap their hair-clippers with springs that cause their heads irreversibly decompose if you try to sharpen them at home) to John Deere (who reinvented tenant farming by making farmers tenants of their tractors, rather than their land).

But Apple's opposition to repair eventually became a problem for the company. It's bad optics, and both Apple customers and Apple employees are volubly displeased with the company's ecocidal conduct. But of course, Apple's management and shareholders hate repair and want to block it as much as possible.

But Apple knows how to Think Differently. It came up with a way to eat its cake and have it, too. The company embarked on a program of visibly support right to repair, while working behind the scenes to sabotage it.

Last year, Apple announced a repair program. It was hilarious. If you wanted to swap your phone's battery, all you had to do was let Apple put a $1200 hold on your credit card, and then wait while the company shipped you 80 pounds' worth of specialized tools, packed in two special Pelican cases:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/22/apples-cement-overshoes/

Then, you swapped your battery, but you weren't done! After your battery was installed, you had to conference in an authorized Apple tech who would tell you what code to type into a laptop you tethered to the phone in order to pair it with your phone. Then all you had to do was lug those two 40-pound Pelican cases to a shipping depot and wait for Apple to take the hold off your card (less the $120 in parts and fees).

By contrast, independent repair outfits like iFixit will sell you all the tools you need to do your own battery swap – including the battery! for $32. The whole kit fits in a padded envelope:

https://www.ifixit.com/products/iphone-x-replacement-battery

But while Apple was able to make a showy announcement of its repair program and then hide the malicious compliance inside those giant Pelican cases, sabotaging right to repair legislation is a lot harder.

Not that they didn't try. When New York State passed the first general electronics right-to-repair bill in the country, someone convinced New York Governor Kathy Hochul to neuter it with last-minute modifications:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2022/12/weakened-right-to-repair-bill-is-signed-into-law-by-new-yorks-governor/

But that kind of trick only works once. When California's right to repair bill was introduced, it was clear that it was gonna pass. Rather than get run over by that train, Apple got on board, supporting the legislation, which passed unanimously:

https://www.ifixit.com/News/79902/apples-u-turn-tech-giant-finally-backs-repair-in-california

But Apple got the last laugh. Because while California's bill contains many useful clauses for the independent repair shops that keep your gadgets out of a landfill, it's a state law, and DMCA 1201 is federal. A state law can't simply legalize the conduct federal law prohibits. California's right to repair bill is a banger, but it has a weak spot: parts-pairing, the scourge of repair techs:

https://www.ifixit.com/News/69320/how-parts-pairing-kills-independent-repair

Every generation of Apple devices does more parts-pairing than the previous one, and the current models are so infested with paired parts as to be effectively unrepairable, except by Apple. It's so bad that iFixit has dropped its repairability score for the iPhone 14 from a 7 ("recommend") to a 4 (do not recommend):

https://www.ifixit.com/News/82493/we-are-retroactively-dropping-the-iphones-repairability-score-en

Parts-pairing is bullshit, and Apple are scum for using it, but they're hardly unique. Parts-pairing is at the core of the fuckery of inkjet printer companies, who use it to fence out third-party ink, so they can charge $9,600/gallon for ink that pennies to make:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

Parts-pairing is also rampant in powered wheelchairs, a heavily monopolized sector whose predatory conduct is jaw-droppingly depraved:

https://uspirgedfund.org/reports/usp/stranded

But if turning phones into e-waste to eke out another billion-dollar stock buyback is indefensible, stranding people with disabilities for months at a time while they await repairs is so obviously wicked that the conscience recoils. That's why it was so great when Colorado passed the nation's first wheelchair right to repair bill last year:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/06/when-drm-comes-your-wheelchair

California actually just passed two right to repair bills; the other one was SB-271, which mirrors Colorado's HB22-1031:

https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billNavClient.xhtml?bill_id=202320240SB271

This is big! It's momentum! It's a start!

But it can't be the end. When Bill Clinton signed DMCA 1201 into law 25 years ago, he loaded a gun and put it on the nation's mantlepiece and now it's Act III and we're all getting sprayed with bullets. Everything from ovens to insulin pumps, thermostats to lightbulbs, has used DMCA 1201 to limit repair, modification and improvement.

Congress needs to rid us of this scourge, to let us bring back all the benefits of interoperability. I explain how this all came to be – and what we should do about it – in my new Verso Books title, The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/22/vin-locking/#thought-differently

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#pluralistic #vin locking #apple #right to repair #california #ifixit #iphones #sb244 #parts pairing #serialization #dmca 1201 #felony contempt of business model #ewaste #repairwashing #fuckery

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