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ignitedbynatsu · 3 years

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He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Bickslow

A/N: here is the Bickslow one! Please let me know who you want me to write for next as I no longer have a request right now 😁. Thank you for the incredible support so far it means the world to me and makes me want to continue with the series 💕

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel boring), cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Gajeel ~ Natsu ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅

“(Y/N)! Can I get another one?” It was as rowdy as ever in the Fairy Tail Guild, but you didn’t want to have it any other way. Gray had thrown his shirt God knows where ready to fight Natsu while Erza kept an eye on the two said boys. Cana was talking loudly as she usually does when she gets drunk. Jet and Droid were gushing over Levy while she had a conversation with Lucy and Wendy. Happy was trailing behind Carla like a lost puppy. It was the usual stuff.

“I’ll be there in a second!” You yelled back as you passed Mira-Jane behind the bar to get to the beer. You tapped the golden liquid and went to give it to Cana.

On your way back, strong arms snaked around your waist making you yelp out of surprise “hello to you too, princess”

“You scared me” You slapped Bickslow’s chest as he chuckled and placed a kiss on your cheek before telling why he stopped you “Me, Freed, Laxus and Evergreen are going out on a mission, you wanna come?”

“No, thank you” You kindly declined as you walked back to the bar with Bickslow following in your steps, a frown evident on his face.

“You never go out on a mission with me” he whined, making you chuckle and peck his bottom lip that stuck out.

“Well, I guess I like it more inside the guild. It’s less dangerous and less stressful” You replied as you started to wash the glasses that were piling up. He cocked his head to the side in confusion but shrugged his shoulders and let it slide.

“We’ll probably be back in the afternoon, don’t miss me too much” With that your boyfriend was gone along with his friends, leaving you to continue to look after the guild along with Mira-Jane.

After the busy Lunch break, you noticed that you were running low on some supplies, meaning you had to go take a trip to the market to buy some more food and other stuff. “Mira? I’m gonna head into town and stock up on some necessities, I’ll be back in a bit”

“I’ll come with you!” Lucy exclaimed to which you agreed. You weren’t going to turn down help, knowing fully well how much of a pain it will be to get all the groceries back.

“Hey, I was wondering, how did you and Bickslow end up together?” the blonde asked as you looked at the fresh strawberries, trying the find the right batch.“It’s because we’re so different, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean- “ she quickly cut herself off when she heard you chuckling “It’s fine, you’re fine. After all, you’re not the first one to ask”

You handed the lady behind the counter some money before continuing your search and your story “I’ve been helping Mira with the guild for as long as I can remember so of course, he knew who I was. Him being a part of the Thunder God Tribe also made him well known in the guild. Bickslow always says that he knew I was the one from the day he saw me lash out at Natsu for being so careless after he accidentally burned me. He only wanted me to bring them food or drinks and every time I did, he had a bad joke prepared to try and make me smile. I always felt somewhat invisible in the guild, but it was like I was the only one there in his eyes. Laxus decided one day that he had enough of Bicklow’s bad attempts at jokes so decided to take things in his own hands. He dragged us out of the guild and told us not to come back until we had gone on a date. And I guess that’s where our story started”

“Who would’ve thought that Laxus would be the one to bring people together "Lucy chuckled, making you laugh along “I know right ”

Lucy and you continued to shop until you had everything you needed. “I feel like my arms are gonna fall off”

“Stop your whining, we’re nearly at the guild You chuckled as you could see the said building in the distance.

Once inside, you two went to the storage room and put everything in the right place “I guess that’s everything”

You were about to leave when you heard your boyfriend and his friends talking about you "I could always ask (Y/N) to be part of the Fairy Tail B team”

“Don’t bother,” Bickslow told Laxus “ She doesn’t even want to go on a job. She’d never want to participate in something as exciting as the Grand Magic Games. She says that she doesn’t want to do anything besides this boring job, no offence Mira”

“None taken” Mira replied as you could hear the sound of glasses clinking together and the sound of streaming water, signalling she was cleaning them.

“Anyway, you should probably ask Juvia or something. (Y/N) doesn’t like to get out of her comfort zone. ” Bickslow said, making Evergreen snort at that “makes you wonder how you two ended up together. She’s so boring”

As you listened to the conversation you couldn’t help but take his words to heart. You’ve always known you two were incredibly different, but you didn’t know he viewed you as boring. Sure you were known for not going out on missions, simply because you didn’t want to put yourself in harm's way, but did that make you boring? Did he view Mira boring as well? Probably not because she’s a known S-class wizard you do not want to mess with.

“Are you okay? ” Lucy snapped you out of your thoughts as she noticed your sudden change in mood.

You covered your doubts with a smile “Yeah! Of course, let’s go”

You reappeared in the guild alongside Lucy with a bright smile as if nothing happened, but in the back of your mind, the same thoughts about you being boring kept playing over and over again.

You decided to do something about it and asked your boyfriend to go on a job the next day. To say he was surprised, was an understatement “Of course I wanna go on a job with you!”

This went on for a couple of weeks. You often took more jobs in a day to seem like you were always doing something new and exciting. As the days past Bickslow noticed how more tired and unhappy you grew. You always brushed it off and told him it was nothing, but he wasn’t so sure if he liked the new you if it meant he had to give up his alone time with you. You hardly went on date nights any more because you were either away or asleep. Sometimes you two went days without seeing each other because either he just went on a job when you came back or the other way around.

He finally decided he had enough and sat you down to talk about his concerns. “(Y/N)? Can we talk? ”

“Can we do it another time? I’m about to go on this job” You said as you looked at the paper in your hand that held the description.

“It’s rather urgent” He pleaded, making you look up from your paper. When you saw that there was no sign of his usual cheeriness, you knew something was up. You gave in a went to a more isolated table in the guild. “So, what you wanna talk about? ”

“What’s up with the personality switch?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You asked, pretending to be oblivious to what he was referring to.

He frowned at your dishonesty, unsure if he had done something to upset you, so he decided to just be blunt about it, “We hardly see each other lately because either you’re on a job or I’m on a job and when we finally get a moment alone together you don’t want to do anything because you’re too tired.”

“I thought you’d like this less boring side of me” you mumbled.

He tilted his head a little to the side as he looked at you in confusion “Boring? Who told you that?”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you gather the courage to talk about your insecurities “I overheard you and your friends talking about the Grand Magic Games and how you said to not even bother asking me because I don’t want to do anything except for my boring job. After that Evergreen called me boring, and you didn’t comment on it, so I assumed you also think that’s true”

Bickslow was ready to protest, because he was certain to never talk behind your back about something like that, but a vague memory of that day crept inside his mind. He had never thought much of the exchange, but seeing how much it affected you, he couldn’t help but start to feel guilty.

“(Y/N), listen to me, I do not think you’re boring. Sure, your job is boring, I ain’t gonna deny that but that has nothing to do with your personality. Who cares if you don’t like to put yourself in danger? Does that make you boring? Absolutely not, because I know that when push comes to shove you’ll be the first in line to protect everyone in this guild. I fell for you because of your caring nature and the goodhearted soul you have in you. Are you a daredevil? Absolutely not. Does that make you boring? Maybe a little. Do I care about that? No, most definitely not, because you have so much better traits that people could only dream of having. ” He took his helmet off, took your hands in his and never once broke eye contact. Desperately trying to show how much he meant it.

“But what about the first time you really fell for me? You said it was after I scolded Natsu for burning me. You always said you knew I was the one after you saw my fierce side.” You frowned.

He chuckled softly at the memory, seeing as you completely misunderstood why he knew he was going to make you his after that day. “I mean sure, seeing you all fired up and scolding someone much stronger than you was undeniably hot, but that’s not the real reason. After you got burned and put Natsu in his place, you didn’t even care about your wound. You were quick to check up on Gray and Natsu to see if they had gotten hurt in the process. You always put others first. Your selfless personality is what got me drawn in. I’d pick your caring and loving side any day over the reckless and daring side. I am so sorry for making you feel like you were boring. I never meant to make you feel that way”

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have assumed things” You apologized as well.

“Please don’t apologize. I should’ve realized sooner what was going on. How about I make it up to you with a proper date? We haven’t been on one in a while and I really missed my girl at my side” He suggested.

“I’d love to” You agreed as you planted your lips softly on his.

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-09-29

More Homestuck time! Continuing on the outside-canon plot. Livebloggin’ starts now...

> CHAPTER 14. The Best Laid Plans

Wait, who’s house is this? Was this Roxy’s? (When I saw a glimpse browsing my twitter feed during the debate, I saw Yiffy on the ground accosted.)

> (==>)

THEY’RE JUST HOME?!?!?????

HOW??? HOW could the heat be off so badly?

Jane’s arrogant, but one of the CHARACTERISTICS of her arrogance is that she underestimates the character and capability of her political opponents. How would she NOT consider the possibility that these kids would return home again even while the heat was on?? How would she assume that JOHN would be too smart to come back to--

...oh right, she may not know John is involved or willing to do anything. That’s fair. But the kids??

I’m sure there’s going to be SOME sort of explanation of why the heat is off. Also, I wonder who made that anti-Jane battle plan chart? John himself, or Karkat or something? Karkat’s usually the chart-er.

JOHN: wow, i feel like i'm barely keeping myself sitting. JOHN: if it weren't for keeping you kids safe i'd be out there right now!

Hm. Are they counting on the fact that Crockercorp would KNOW that John and Vriska are both there to intimidate them from moving in against them? From a sheer difference-in-firepower standpoint after Vriska’s big display?

HARRY: and some of us aren't gods and shit. JOHN: i'm detecting a hint of judgement in your voice, there, harry anderson JOHN: don't you enjoy being a part of all this? finally getting to be in the thick of it all? HARRY: i mean i was having a fine time at school, if i'm being honest. HARRY: all this tear-assing back and forth between my home and various points of interest over the past few days has me pretty beat.

Yeah, most kids don’t appreciate being involved in war. Even Vrissy immediately showed some regrets no matter how much she liked to think of herself as wanting to get out there.

HARRY: also i wouldn't call this "the thick of it all" JOHN: oof, getting air quotes'd by my own son. JOHN: we had to hide in a forsythia bush on the way back here when that drone flew by! JOHN: that's the thick of father-son hijinks if i ever saw it! JOHN: well, modern day war hijinks, but i'll take what i can get, you know??

(Be more considerate, John!!) Hm, so they DID sneak their way back in here? I mean, John’s powers may have helped them get through unnoticed, but this is still a big stretch.

HARRY: i'm not knocking the old adrenaline thrill, or helping out Vrissy's moms or anything. HARRY: i'm just saying i was literally just here and you told me to leave, so i hope this is where we're gonna park it for a minute. HARRY: a boy's gotta breathe. JOHN: yeah, well, this wasn't my plan, either. JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything. JOHN: i guess.

Ahhhh. Okay. Yeah, a Seer of Light can float an attention lure and know it’ll be an effective enough distraction.

HARRY: hmm. JOHN: what? HARRY: now YOU look like you're hiding some extra commentary. JOHN: oh, i don't need to burden you with all the bureaucratic stuff, it's boring. HARRY: well now hold up, dad. HARRY: a minute ago you were all "we're in the fight together," and now you're backing out of sharing the details? JOHN: it's not really- HARRY: am i a part of this or not? JOHN: well i'd sure say you were! JOHN: but i guess maybe my thoughts on what is or isn't right for the operation aren't up to snuff. JOHN: because here i am, sitting in the dugout, same as you. HARRY: in the dugout?

Mhmm, John’s sore about Rose not counting on John as a heavy hitter. He got back INTO this in part because he missed all the action and relevance, and now they’re telling him to stop and stand still? That’s never been a command John’s easily agreed with. For now, protecting the kids (Blood!) is enough to keep him sitting, but if they (and Vriska) start encouraging him...

HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.

Thank god, we might get a non-embarrassing god-pajamas John back

HARRY: you were getting pretty into everything back there with rose and them? getting to be with the old crew and everything, like the stories you told me about the game? JOHN: yeah. HARRY: that sucks. JOHN: i had a good plan, too! JOHN: it just wasn't good enough for karkat, i guess. JOHN: i'm just not "experienced enough in combat strategy"

Oh huh, so that’s John’s discarded plan he’s holding. Karkat's faction hasn’t quite succeeded the bloody (heh) way so far, perhaps he needs John’s Breath to add some inspiration to it for the most success but they’re not giving him enough credit? It’s hard to blame them for doubting him, though.

JOHN: that is a plus of being here, at least. JOHN: it's been really nice to get to spend so much time with you. HARRY: um. yeah, it's not so bad. HARRY: anyway, before you ruffle my hair or anything, it looks like things are getting a bit heated between the vriskas over there. HARRY: maybe we should offer them a snack to bring the mood back down? JOHN: me, mess up your hair when you’ve worked so hard on that look? i do know you at least that well, harry anderson HARRY: thank god.

Cute!

VRISKA: So you actually want to know what I’m thinking now? You want my opinion? VRISSY: Um...Yes? VRISSY: I'm not Really Sure what’s going on right Now. VRISKA: What? VRISSY: I just was wondering why you’re so pissed off at me. VRISKA: What the fuck are you talking about? VRISKA: I’m not pissed at you, you haven’t done shit 8asically at all since i’ve been here. VRISKA: I just can’t 8elieve I’m 8ack stuck in this tacky rumpusblock after all of that!

Both Vriskas are constantly assuming the other Vriska is thinking about them because they’re both Vriska, when they’re really both self-cente-- no, that’s not quite true. Vrissy constantly assumes Vriska is thinking about her when she isn’t, and Vriska is somewhat grated because Vrissy belongs in this universe and she isn’t? Or--

Gosh they both have so many issues going on and firewalls up that I can’t actually make heads or tails of it. Usually what’s on Vriska’s mind is painfully obvious from her dodges, but Vrissy is so oblique with her OWN weird thought processes that-- god I dunno

VRISSY: We could do Something if You Wanted. VRISKA: Huh? VRISSY: If you’re 8ored. VRISSY: This isn’t my House, but Harry has video games and Movies and shit. VRISSY: Actually, we’re pro8a8ly 8etter off not watching his movies. VRISSY: His taste is Worse than His Dad’s. VRISKA: AGGGHHH!!!!!!!!

They’re from two different worlds, yeah.

VRISKA: No, I don’t want to watch a fucking movie! How the fuck can you think a8out movies????????? VRISKA: How are you okay with any of this? VRISSY: Any of What? VRISKA: 8eing left at home like a couple of dri88ling of wigglers!

Vriska invests all of her self-worth in what she can bring to the table relevance-ways. Her self-esteem couldn’t survive the sidelines.

VRISKA: How are you so calm right now? Your lusii were training you, right? And you’re a troll, you’re definitely five times stronger than a human! And if you’re my clone, you are way more 8adass than little miss Fussy Fangs. VRISKA: I can’t 8elieve you just stayed 8ehind?!?? VRISSY: Well...they told me to. And they’re my Moms.

COMPLETELY different lives. Vriska has never really accepted, never really KNEW what “peaceful life” is actually supposed to be, nor how alluring and satisfying it is.

VRISKA: Clearly not a good plan, 8ecause then I would 8e part of it! VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?

hahahahahahahaha

VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books. VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much. VRISKA: Excuse me? VRISSY: People know who you Are, 'cause we had to Memorize the names of Every one of the Players, Even the ones who didn’t last very Long. VRISKA: You’re trying to tell me that there’s a whole recorded history of SGRUB, and I’m not in it? VRISSY: You’re not not in it. VRISSY: I guess they Mostly Focused on the Creators who Ascended, you know?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

--hm, what if some of the pre-retcon timeline where Vriska WASN’T as involved DID fold its way into this one? Explaining Jane remembering Gamzee showing up early in her session to sell her troll blood when that was (if we’re remembering right, correct me if I’m wrong) erased by the retcon in favor of Vriska time-traveling in in his place?

VRISKA: Whoever was schoolfeeding you was a complete 8ulgesucker, because I “ascended” 8efore any of the humans did!! VRISKA: Literally 8illions of years 8efore, since our session was the one that created theirs!!!!!!!! VRISKA: I was the 8ne who 8uided John’s 8uffoonish 8lue ass all the way through his first 8ew days in the Medium! VRISKA: I m8de all the plans to take down the J8cks! VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY! VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!! JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there? VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN! JOHN: okay. JOHN: do you girls want a snack? VRISKA: AAAAGGH!

HA!

HARRY: vriska, eat whatever. HARRY: just not the zebra cakes, those are mine.

(Zebra cakes are kinda Barbasol-bomb-like, right? Doom thing, because black-and-white stripes like most of the black-and-white-striped explosives in Homestuck? --Nah that’s a stretch.)

> (==>)

--That’s not Jane’s head, that’s JOHN’S head giving a thumbs up. Wow.

...Your plan prominently features Yiffy even though you didn’t know she existed until a couple hours ago?

JOHN: so anyway, as you can see, this would have worked just fine! HARRY: no i think karkat’s right. this looks like shit, dad. JOHN: you know, me letting your earlier use of the word "fuck" slide wasn't a blanket approval for all cursing in front of me. HARRY: sorry. HARRY: try not to make such a shit plan, and i won't call it that. JOHN: haha wow.

Harry really is his son, wow

HARRY: i mean, i still can't believe i told vrissy and them to bring a dead celebrity to school. HARRY: what was i THINKING. JOHN: you were thinking it sounded hilarious! JOHN: but yeah, in hindsight, maybe not the best call. JOHN: maybe it’s genetic? HARRY: yeah.

Harry really is his son, wow

HARRY: i kinda can’t believe we’re all still alive, actually. HARRY: and how did YOU make it this far, being so bad at this? JOHN: i had my friends with me, i guess.

Pretty much!

Plus, they haven’t really had time to talk about what happened with Dave, yet, and he doesn’t want to tank the mood by bringing him up.

Glad John’s taken some time to deal with that offscreen, so he can keep being cheery here.

He’d spent so long seeing mostly the best parts of Roxy in Harry Anderson. He forgot, he guesses, to look for himself in there, too. And if what they have in common right now is a lack of strategic foresight, hey, he’ll take it.

Hah, fair enough!

JOHN: speaking of friends, i will say the snacks were a good call, at least! JOHN: i don’t hear any more screaming, anyway. JOHN: see, that's one good plan between the two of us!

--they left, didn’t they.

> (==>)

HARRY: oh, that was definitely them leaving, wasn’t it. JOHN: ah.

--So was Vrissy peer-pressured along, or practically abducted?

> (==>)

--Oh, this was the picture I glimpsed and scrolled past on Twitter! She’s not on the ground, she’s running-- good.

> (==>)

--ALREADY! Fuck yes! :D

(and those cute paws on jade’s gloves wow)

> (==>)

--Oh I thought that was an air-lift! No, they were just diving to the ground with her.

Man, the pacing of this panel-to-panel composition throws me SO much. Stuff happens without being properly established, and we’re shown the wrong keyframes to internalize it easily. (I hope I don’t have to keep mentioning how much I miss Andrew’s talent at it, even though the art WITHIN panels is better here.)

So Jane is confronting them with soldiers.

ROSE: Oh, is this one of those rare and marvelous beasts, the "villain speech"? ROSE: I've written one or two in my time. ROSE: I'm on the edge of my seat. I hope it's better than your political material; I've always found that rather trite. JANE: I haven't given a political speech in years, Ms. Lalonde. I don't know what you're referring to. I'm just a simple business woman. JADE: right with her own talk show JADE: and multi billion dollar merchant company and lobbying groups! JANE: That's what a business woman is, Jade, dear.

--ah, in this perspective maybe Jane DOESN’T have the resources to be “everywhere” yet. Makes more sense that they could’ve left the home unguarded.

JANE: But enough of that. I'll skip straight to the point. JANE: You are on my territory, in the presence of my secret police, laying your hand on my investment.

QUIT DEHUMANIZING THE GIRL

JANE: You think I come anywhere unprepared? I haven't left the house without an armed guard in years. ROSE: Is it the libidinous power rush that comes from snapping your fingers at men with guns, or are you worried that you might accidentally do something heroic?

Rose usually has decent snapbacks I guess

I don’t think Rose’s plan was to admit themselves into custody like Jane is asking, but I’m not ruling it out.

> (==>)

(this image is so cute)

JADE: wow could you be any more full of yourself?? JADE: shut the fuck up for a minute and look up!

> (==>)

Ahwhoops. Jane misunderstood who’s in control of the situation.

> (==>)

Ooh! That’s threatening. :)

(Tavros is playing along, but he doesn’t HAVE to fake that sweat.)

KANAYA: If You Make One Single Move I Will Bite Him Directly On The Exterior Shout Tunnel KANAYA: I Will Turn Your Son Into A Rainbow Drinker KANAYA: Then You Will Have A Rainbow Drinker Son JANE: That's not how troll vampirism works, don't treat me like an imbecile! JANE: You think I don't know everything there is to know about your disgusting biology? KANAYA: KANAYA: Okay Then I Will Just Break His Fucking Neck

HAH

Yeah, mutual child-threat standoff. Jane isn’t going to make that sacrifice, AND can’t be SEEN making that sacrifice.

> (==>)

Jane Crocker hesitates.

This is something that she used to do regularly. Hesitate. Stop and think and weigh her options. Talk out every possible scenario and the impact they might have, morally and optically and socially. What would the political apparatus think? What would her social media followers think, her friends? As the years went by and she honed her instincts, she found herself doing this less and less.

Yeah, the difference between deserving a Just death or not is whether you’re willing to check yourself and allow another’s will to override your own. To allow someone who ISN’T you to have a say in how reality unfolds, to consider that what you want may not be right.

The impact that her words made became lessened when spread out across such a wide and thirsty audience, as public sentiment began to swing her way. She stopped thinking about how she would be received, and more about how she could play to the people she knew would receive her favorably.

Yeesh. Topical.

Looking up she sees Tavvy with tears in his eyes. Rage and guilt surge inside her. This situation is not her fault.

Anger is based in fear. Jane is not just afraid for Tavros, but afraid that she’s at fault. And the more she fears and has to deny that, the angrier she’ll get.

Is it angry enough to make a rash decision here?

> (==>)

JANE: This situation is not my fault!

Jesus, she even said it out loud?

JANE: I'm the only one who has taken any interest in her upbringing or education! JANE: Or have you forgotten who has been paying for her schooling and taking charge of her introduction into society? JADE: i never asked you to do that! JADE: you offered! JADE: so stop calling me ungrateful for not sucking your dick over things i never asked for!

Taking something that was a clear, ostensibly-selfless gift and using it as a transactional club. I hate that. Nothing shows how transparently little you actually believed in the “selfless thing to do” than that.

> (==>)

She can't just stand here and let herself be humiliated, allowing two architects of the insurgency mess her around like this.

If they were to kill Tavros, the entire world would see them commit this war crime. And weighed in the balance, Lalonde and Harley would be off the playing board. Saving your daughter certainly counted as a heroic death, and with the damage they'd done to humanity, it would also probably be just.

Tavros has not called out for her once. Perhaps he knows what her choice was always going to be.

Whoa you made that choice pretty easily, psycho-Jane. Are you actually gonna try it???

> (==>)

JAKE: Tavvy!

Oh shit, the plan! :D

--if Jake isn’t just. Um. Taking the threat to Tavvy seriously, not having realized this was a bluff. Um. Jake?

> (==>)

That looks like he’s taking it seriously. Shit.

At least Jane will look like even MORE of a monster if she gives the order this way.

> (==>)

JANE: Stand down!

I don’t think Jake’s gonna listen to you when it comes to Tav’s safety anymore.

> (==>)

JANE: Get out of my sight.

Oh.

Is she letting Jade, Rose and Yiffy go? --probably, but it’s unclear.

Damn this panel-to-panel framing not conveying what’s going on properly.

Guess that’s it for now! Patreon Commentary....... I’ve been putting off the commentary backlog for a long time, but I think the Homestuck Commentary coverage deficit still has to wait a while longer because the World Is A Fuck and I have to devote more time to stress relief than usual. Take care y’all

EDIT: extra bit on gamzee corpse here

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers

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luciferpens · 3 years

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Loved You Once || Aurora & Kass ft Zoey

What: Another accidental run in -- except this time... more people get hurt. Where: Poseidon Beach When: March 25, 2021 Who: Aurora, Kass (@kassmeifyoucan), ft Zoey (@icarialex) TW: Abuse, death, breakups, lies,

Pacing never seemed to actually help any kind of situation but here she was.... Pacing. She was nervous, and not just because of everything that had been going on as of late. No, it was also due to the fact that she had planned out something special. A date. An actual date where she called it a date and they both knew it was a date and—look. It was a date. Granted, she hadn’t exactly told Zoey that it was a date. She’d just said it was a surprise but... Maybe part of the surprise would be that it was actually a date? To her nerves and utter horror, Zoey wouldn’t be off of work for another half hour, maybe less depending on how long it took her to close up shop. A whole half hour for her to be alone with her thoughts. To worry over every detail. The campfire was lit, the guitar and the food basket and blankets were hidden behind a large piece of driftwood. The blonde would be none-the-wiser! It was perfect! Until it wasn’t. Because there she was. And no, not Zoey. Aurora. What the hell was she doing walking on her beach? ....Okay so it wasn’t her beach. But still. The fuck. Without missing a beat, Kassandra crossed her arms over her chest and called out to the other woman. “Um... Hey?”

—

Aurora was not used to Island life or Island time, everyone here seemed to move at a different speed, a slower one, a less get up and go sort of speed. And when you come from the chaos of LA and the FBI anything other than 100 seemed like a snail's pace. Though…. She was slowly learning to enjoy it. Those she met were slowly convincing her to take things a bit slower and enjoy the view. So she decided to take their advice and enjoy the view of the ocean. She slipped out of her shoes and laced them over her fingers as she started to slowly walk up the coast line, just letting her mind wonder and flutter between all the things going on. Running into Kass and then running into Juliette, she really should just leave. Leave them both to their lives without her showing up and being a bomb. There was so much to be done too… with Jane being taken she needed to keep her safe and then close the file; there were still other files on her desk back home, other people she needed to find; other things she needed to do -- and yet she couldn’t leave Icaria yet. Not until she was 100% sure Jane would be safe and had everything she needed here. So she was stuck. Stuck with these thoughts, this place and the anxiety of knowing every moment here meant so many other things she wasn’t ready to deal with. Lost in thought she almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a familiar voice. Her hand, not the one holding the shoes, flew to her chest. “Oh -- hey.” She said with a tiny, tiny smile but as the tone of Kass’ voice registered in her head it faltered and she glanced away, “I uh -- didn’t even see you there, I can go back” she tossed her thumb over her shoulder indicating she could turn back around and walk away, give her space. “I hate to intrude or -- anything.”

—

"Its a beach, Aurora. You're allowed to be on it. I just... Sorry, I guess I find it funny and also kind of like the universe is.." Kassandra sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment before she held up her hands in a surrendering motion. "Look. You can be wherever you want. I'm not going to force you to leave. It's just hard seeing you. Logically I know it shouldn't be because you're not even.... Nevermind." Kassandra breathed deeply for a moment, trying to calm herself down. The good part of this whole interaction was that Zoey wasn't here, something she was super incredibly thankful for. That would be a whole can of worms that she didn't think she was ready to explain. Mainly because Zoey, Gods bless her, was the sweetest human bean to ever exist. She'd probably be so nice that her and Aurora would become friends and -- Nope. No. Do not think like that. It was then that she realized she'd been stuck in her own head and that she should probably say something that came off as completely awful. "Enjoying the weather?" No. Not that, you absolute fucking disaster of a human-ish being.

—

"It is." Aurora said with a slow nod, she wiggled her toes into the sand trying to use it to ground herself and not get upset. She was normally so good at keeping her cool and not getting emotional, but apparently that could be thrown out the window when it came to her ex-girlfriend. Clearing her throat she tilted her head to one side. "I'm not even?" she asked eyebrow shooting upward rather curious to know where Kass's mind was taking that sentence. But when no answer came quickly she realized Kass was lost in her mind and just cleared her throat hoping the noise would snap Kass out of her thoughts.

"The weather?" She asked glancing up to the sky, the ocean then to Kassandra again, "It's a nice difference from the places I've been lately. Not having to wear a ton of layers is -- a nice change of pace.”

—

Small talk. She could do small talk. On a beach. With her girlfriend not girlfriend planning on showing up at any minute. While she was talking to her ex girlfriend. Of course, totally fine. This was normal, right? Yeah, super normal. "You're not even gay." She finished her earlier thought, hoping that Aurora would understand. "So it's not like I should be upset about that. I'm not. But that's neither here nor there. Glad you're liking the weather though. It's a lot different from Portland." Kassandra sighed, rubbing the back of her neck before taking a cautious step closer to Aurora. "Look, I'm sorry. About my behavior since you've seen me, I mean. I'm not sorry for past me because honestly... Past me is still hurting which means... Present me is also hurting." She could slap herself. "I don't know what I'm saying. You make me forget how to function and it's annoying the absolute shit out of me." Kassandra put out into the open in probably the most honest thing she's said to Aurora in a long time. "But I'll manage.... So uh. You and Brandon? Still together?" Saying his name left a bitter taste in her mouth but she pressed on, wondering if she'd genuinely felt happy for her ex or not.

—

Aurora slowly tilted her head not understanding why in the world Kass would think she was straight but as Kass continued to talk the pieces fell back into place and she slowly nodded her head letting out a huff of a laugh. "Let me -- first clear up some misconceptions." She said running her free hand through her hair and tossing it to one side. "I am not gay, this is true, but I'm also not straight. I'm demi -- well, pansexual. Have been since we were children." Aurora swung her arms behind her back and looped her fingers together. "Two, you never need to apologize to me about your past or what happened between us. I know I fucked us up and hurt you and I take full ownership of that. Yell at me if you need to, tell me you hate me or slap me if it will make you feel better. I deserve it." She shrugged. She honestly knew she deserved it, she knew she had broken Kass when she did what she did; and while she would have done it differently knowing what she knew now -- she knew that in the moment young Aurora was doing the best she could to protect herself. "As for Brandon, no. We --" She shook her head, "Weren't ever seriously dating, after we were," she motioned between them with a free hand " he basically -- was a beard and he knew it, I knew it. It was a safety thing." She shrugged. That sounded bad, but Brandon knew something bad was happening in her house and he just -- never questioned and did what he could to give her safe spaces to come to instead of being at home where her mother was.

—

She wasn't meaning to see red, but here she was. Listening to every word that came out of Aurora's mouth and letting it cut her deep, just like her words had when they were sixteen. "You're fucking kidding me." Her arms crossed over her chest, staring incredulously at her ex. "Do you have any fucking idea how much internalized homophobia I felt because of my mom? Because of you? I get that you couldn't have told your mom. I fucking understand. But you could have told me. I spent the next two fucking years of my life hating who I was because of who I loved." Kassandra felt sick to her stomach, taking a few staggering steps away from Aurora as she bent over, hands moving to her knees as she gulped in air. Before Aurora could potentially make a move towards her, she held up a hand. "Don't you fucking dare come near me. I can't... You.. He was a beard. And you're..." Kassandra swallowed thickly, wishing the bile away. "You're pan. So you..." Green eyes tore upwards, looking at Aurora with such a broken gaze. "What was I to you? Was I some kind of fucking joke to you? An experiment? Because clearly whatever we were didn't fucking matter if you couldn't tell me the truth. You let me believe that I wasn't..." Tears flooded her vision, nausea ramping up in her belly. "Am I worthless to everyone I try to care about?"

—

Aurora felt her heart ripping from her chest. Why she still had it she wasn't sure; her heart had been ripped out -- well now three times. Twice by the same woman. It was a useless item, only seemed to cause her pain. Gods she should just go back to Quantico. Why was she still fucking on this gods forsaken island? Seeing Kass crying, seeing her in such pain made Aurora want to throw up. She never meant to hurt her. "I --" she shook her head, "I don't think you totally understand why couldn't tell my mom, why I had to do what I did." she swallowed, looking away and stopping herself from moving to comfort her ex love. "I'm so, so so, fucking sorry about it all, about hurting you, about -- all of it, Kass, I really am." She sucked in her lips tears welling in her eyes. "You are -- were the one person on this planet I love--d more than anything" She caught herself caught the present tense and while sure, it was still true she didn't need to hurt Kass more. "I couldn't tell anyone the truth. I didn't even tell my own father until I was already 18 and about to graduate highschool. I didn't tell a SOUL about all the abuse I suffered through until I was 23 and -- honestly since then you're the only other person I've even mentioned it to." she shook her head thrusting her hand down to her side before stepping forward, anger in her movements but determination as well. "Don't you fucking dare Kassandra." She didn't curse often, but here she was, cursing and angry too. "You are not in any way worthless Kass. I didn't -- break up with you because I didn't love you. I loved you so much that I had to to keep my crazy mother from literally killing one of us. You have never -- ever been worthless and I am so sorry I ever made you think you were."

—

All Zoey had to go off of was a cryptic text from Kass telling her to meet the woman at the beach after she got off from work. Typically she’d worry about not having her bathing suit on her that day, but since the brunette didn’t like getting in the water, she didn’t worry so much. Zoey would rather spend her time with Kassandra than swim anyway. She could do the latter anytime. Still, she wasn’t used to being antsy to close shop. The artist loved her work, but she’d be lying if she didn’t love spending time with the mysterious and sometimes juxtaposing woman as well. When five o’clock finally came around, Zoey closed everything up and then began her short walk to the beach. She checked in with Noreen on the way to make sure everything was okay at the Inn, and then followed Kassandra’s directions on which street entrance to take that was closest to her destination. The blonde was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t notice how close she was to her desired spot until she heard Kass yelling. The pain in her tone caused pain in her heart, but Zoey stood back and waited. It seemed important, and the illustrator didn’t know if she should interfere.

She had no idea who the other woman was until she heard her mess up between love and loved. Then, Zoey’s heart stopped. Aurora. That’s who it had to be. Not being ready or able to hear what Kass’ reaction to that would be, she turned back around and walked away. Zoey wouldn’t go far because she’d seen the effort Kassandra had put into setting everything up in the background. So, she found a nearby bench, sat down, and did what she always did when she was upset or anxious. Zoey began to sketch.

—

Her brain had turned off as the rage and nausea consumed her, Kassandra staring at Aurora as she looked at her with that unreadable expression. It all shifted in her face when she stumbled over her words, stumbled over that word. Her eyes narrowed, she wanted to challenge that. Because no. No. Aurora didn't fucking get to do that to her. Not after a decade. But before she could even get out a word edgewise, the other woman was rounding on her. Kass visibly flinched, taking a step back as she wrapped her arms around her torso. It was then that she heard footsteps from behind her, causing her to turn around to see Zoey's retreating form. No.... No no no. Fuck. She wanted to go off after Zoey but she knew she had to deal with the woman who was right here, in front of her. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to come back into my life and stumble over that word, Aurora. I loved you. Loved. Past tense. I thought... I thought that a part of me would always love you. But I don't know how I could ever..." Love someone who hid the truth from me. She couldn't even say it, realizing how much of a hypocrite that would make her. "You were my first love. And I want to one day not hate you. But you don't get to insinuate that you still love me. Not after... Not after everything. Not after twelve fucking years." A tear fell down a cheek, Kassandra quickly wiping it away. "I need to go because that woman you saw walk away? Unlike you..." She locked their gazes, taking another step backwards in the direction of where Zoey had gone. "I can't let a good thing slip through my fingers." Kassandra turned to walk towards where she'd seen the blonde head off to, stopping for a moment to turn her head just enough so it was barely looking over her shoulder. "I need time.. Time to process what you've told me. Just please don't... Don't hurt me again." And with that, she walked away.

—

Seeing the flinch made Aurora recoil, to fold in on herself. She never wanted to be scary to people she cared about; those she was hunting for work, sure 100% she'd be fine being seen as threatening. But Kass? No she didn't want to do that. She took a couple stumbling steps backwards as Kassandra spoke. There was a stab of pain in her chest. She knew better than to not calculate her every word, when she let her mouth run she got hurt. This was just more proof of that. More proof she needed to slow down and think before she spoke. As Kassandra continued, as she laid into her, saying she didn't know how she could ever her stomach dropped. She didn't connect the dots, didn't totally realize there was more to be said and instead took it as a sentence. A statement. Kass, in Aurora's mind, didn't know how she could ever have loved her. Right. This -- this was. She deserved that. She didn't deserve to say the things she did, even if some part of it still felt true to her. Nope. The muscles tightened in her jaw as her fists clenched and tears threatened to spill. Another jab as she mentioned the other woman; some blonde who had walked up looked confused, hurt and then walked away. She just nodded and watched as Kass started to walk off. She was unmovable. Frozen as still as a statue as Kass slowed for a moment to say one last thing. She didn't look up, didn't dare even breathe. She waited a few moments until she could hear Kass's steps fade and she finally let out a breath. With that breath the tears came, the anger flowed and she felt an intense level of fear and hatred towards herself. She turned on a dime, kicked the sand creating a small cloud before she walked off, eyes down.... only to stop ten feet forward and see what Kass had been hiding when she first walked up. Oh. She had messed up a date with -- that blonde girl and now -- she felt even fucking worse. She slipped her shoes on and started to run, exercise being the only thing to clear her mind.

#discord #Aurora #Kass #Zoey #Aurora: c: Kass #Aurora: c: Zoey #You Broke Me First

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miss-writes-a-lot · 4 years

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RWBY: Team HELL Volume 1, Chapter 6: Let The Game Begin!

As Harlow watched from his scroll as Lucio and the young Sunny Latorre made amends, he sighed, shaking his head. It was just like Lucio to get in his own head. He couldn't be too hard on him, however. He was genuinely trying to take this whole thing seriously and tried helping that Hemlock girl on the flight. But he still had a ton of growing up to do. Hopefully, Haven would help with that.

Leo Lionheart came by with his own scroll, sitting beside the tall man. "Seems to me that everything is going well with this batch of first years. Lucio especially seems to have improved since the entrance exam."

Harlow nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, he's been doing pretty well these past couple of months. Been working really hard."

Leo nodded. "It shows."

"How are the others doing?"

The old headmaster sighed, showing him the live feed from the forest. "Well, it seems that our little silver eyes warrior has accidentally partner with Ms. Piscia. Ms. Azure and Ms. Tawny have partnered together, however Ms. Tawny doesn't seem to be all that happy about it and continues to run away. Other than that, things seem to be going smoothly-"

The doors to the hall opened and scared the absolute daylights out of Leo and slightly startling Harlow. They turned to see a young brunette man with glasses walking towards them with determination.

Harlow instantly recognized the figure and stood walking towards him.

"Where is she? She is here, right?" Cassum asked, getting up in Harlow's face.

"How did you get in here?" Harlow asked, "the guards should've stopped you at the entrance."

"Aurora's not the only one who's good at sneaking around. Now, answer the question. Where is she?"

"Harlow, do you know this man?" Leo asked, joining the two men.

"This is the guardian of Aurora Hemlock, Cassum. Cassum, this is Headmaster Leonard Lionheart." Harlow explained.

"You're dodging the question-I want to know where she is!"

"She's fine. She's already at the initiation point and proceeding on fine. We're monitoring her along with the rest of the students there."

Cassum breathed a sigh of relief, his defensive attitude disappear. "Good...that's all I needed to hear."

"Wait, are you trying to tell me you came all this way, snuck pass security, and trespassed onto school grounds just to check is she was okay?"

Cassum shrugged awkwardly. "What can I say? I'm sort of a helicopter parent. And she didn't exactly tell me she was coming here either, so I think I have some kind of right."

Harlow sighed. "I figured as much. Lucio told me you changed your mind."

"And you didn't believe him."

"Of course I didn't. From the way you freaked out when we were at the hospital told you were the stubborn time."

Cassum turned red in embarrassment, crossing his arms. "So you think you've got me all figured out, huh?"

"Mostly. Anyways, since you're here, you wanna watch the live feed with us? I would hate to have you come all the way out here for nothing-even though that was your original plan."

"Are you sure? I thought you would have to throw my ass out by now."

Harlow shrugged, smirking. "Doesn't makes sense to be making you walk all the way back home without giving you a show."

Cassum thought about it for a moment. At least this way, he could make sure that Aurora was safe throughout the initiation. "Sure, why not?"

Harlow walked him over to the bench, sitting down beside him. He pulled out his scroll and switched to the live feed of the forest, "we set some cameras and flew drones around the forest so we can ensure the safety of our students. We can switch the video feed from camera to camera."

"Okay..." Cassum said, glancing up at the lion faunus, "Mr. Lionheart, sorry for intruding and all of that, but I have to ask you something."

"Of course, Cassum. Anything."

He brought his head up, gripping his knees. "Harlow told you about Aurora's eyes, didn't he? He told you about...what she can do?"

The two men exchanged a glance. "Y-yes. Yes he did."

"That's why you wanted her here? To exploit her for her powers?" He asked, defensively.

"Mr. Hemlock, I can assure that is not our intent. We simply believe that we can help Aurora learn to control her powers so it does not cause her harm."

"Sorry sir, but I don't buy it one bit."

"You can trust him, Cassum. Believe it or not, there have been a lot of silver eyed warriors who have come and gone out of these halls and lived relatively normal lives. That is, until they all disappeared."

An unsettling feeling swirled in Cassum's stomach. He knew of the sudden disappearances of those who had silver eyes. He always feared that one dat, when his back was turned, whoever was kidnapping them would take Aurora too.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I can't really trust you right now. Not until I know she's going to be safe."

Leo nodded in understanding. He could understand where Cassum was coming from, especially considering everything that has happen in the past four months.

"Hey, I found the footage with Aurora and-oh...oh man..."

"What? What is it?"

Cassum pulled the scroll towards him, his eyes going wide as he saw a cat faunus girl carrying an unconscious Aurora over his shoulder.

"W-what happened to her?!"

"Guess she didn't have a smooth landing from the plane down."

Cassum turned to the older huntsmen, his mouth open. "YOU DROPPED HER OUT OF A PLANE?!"

"Relax, she's alive! And Evelyn' a strong kid. She'll take care of her."

Cassum sighed, leaning back against the wall.

'This girl is going to kill me...'

----------

"...and then that dumbass cop tried to cop a feel, if you catch my drift and one thing led to another, and I punched him in the mouth!"

Aurora finally started coming to and she could tell she wasn't with Lucio. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a magenta and purple stripped tail.

"A...tail?" She mumbled.

"Hey! You're awake-!"

"Gah!" Aurora jumped and fell out of the stranger's arms, scooting away from her.

"Hey! Hey! Where are you going?! I'm not gonna hurt you!" She exclaimed.

Aurora grabbed the earth beneath her, getting a good look at the person. She was a very tall and voluptuous girl with long platinum blond hair with her bangs and the tips of her hair dyed a light magenta color. She wore a tight magenta leather jacket, blue jeans, black fingerless gloves, and knee high magenta boots.

She was quite beautiful and also quite confused. Her hands were out and she was carefully making her way over to Aurora as if she was trying to calm down a scared dog. "Easy now. I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want to talk..."

"W-what happened? How did we get here?" She asked, still in a panicked state.

"You knocked into me and hit the ground pretty hard after you fell out of the plane. You were in and out for a while. This is the first time I've seen you awake."

Aurora blushed, twirling her ponytail in embarrassment. "S-sorry. I guess I lost control of my semblance half way down."

The faunus girl waved her off. "It's fine. Here, get up."

She grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. "I guess I should introduce myself again. Name's Evelyn Piscia. Your partner."

Aurora dusted herself off, swaying awkwardly. "I'm Aurora. Aurora Hemlock. I guess I'm your team partner."

Evelyn chuckled. "Relax! Loosen up! If we're gonna be stuck with each other, you gotta relax!"

"Sorry-"

"And quit apologizing! There's nothing wrong with being a bit jittery."

The whole time she spoke she smiled, so Aurora could only guess that she wasn't trying to scold her. That managed to make her smile.

"There's that smile! Alrighty! Let's getting going and get to know each other."

"O-okay."

"So, where are you from?"

"Born and raised in Mistral. Around Argus. And you?"

"Vacuo. You know, the old dusty kingdom."

"I've never been to Vacuo. What's it like?"

"The only way I can describe as is hot as hell."

Aurora giggled. "Really?"

"Yeah. Haven't been there in years because it was just so damn hot!"

"I may soumd dumb for saying this, but I actually really want to go to Vacuo someday."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yup! I wanna go to Atlas, and Vacuo, and Vale! Of course, there's still the rest of Haven to explore!"

Evelyn became confused. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"I, uh, haven't really left home all that much. I haven't really seen the outside all that much."

"What, have you been living under a rock for most of your life?"

"You...could say that."

Aurora looked down at her wrists, a smile forming on her lips. "Um, sorry, but can I...see your gauntlets?"

"Yeah, sure!"

Evelyn held out her arms, revealing her two magenta gauntlets. Aurora squealed excitedly as she grabbed her arm.

"Dual ranged shotgun gauntlets with-" she gasped once she got a closer look, "with retractable claws! This is so cool!"

Evelyn flashed a toothy grin. "Yup! These two are my prize possessions-Magenta Euphoria!"

Aurora looked up, "you named them?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Everybody names their weapons!"

Aurora looked down at her two dinky little guns, frowning. "My prototypes aren't really that good enough to have a cool name like that."

"Then what do you call them?"

"John and Jane Doe."

Evelyn stared for a moment before bursting out in laughter. "What?! You actually gave them names-like actual people names?! That's fucking hilarious."

Aurora smiled, joining in on her laughter.

This...this feels good. Really good.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

The two stopped, running in the direction of the screaming. They were about to spring into action, assuming that the screaming was from a girl getting attacked by some sort of Grimm. But instead, beyond the bushes, they found a very tall girl, stomping off from a dainty looking girl.

"Come on! You heard what Professor Clemente said! Once we make eye contact, we're partners!" The dainty girl argued.

"There's not chance in hell I am being partners with someone like you! I'm going to find a real partner!" The taller girl bellowed, turning her attention to the pair, who had been staring from afar the entire time, "The hell are you two staring at?! This ain't a show!"

"Hey, relax! We thought you were in trouble and we came to help!"

"Well, we don't need help, so leave!" She retorted with a scowl.

"You shouldn't yell so loud! You could attract Grimm." Aurora said.

"Shut up! And what the hell are you even doing here? This ain't daycare! Little kids like you shouldn't even be here!"

Aurora shrunk, embarrassed.

"Please, you probably think everyone here looks like a kid, so why don't you-"

A deep growl interrupted their argument. Two ursa minors jumped out of the bushes, sending the group flying back.

Evelyn landed on her feet, activating Magenta Euphoria and cocking it, ready to fire.

The burly girl unfolding her axe and held it tightly as the dainty girl pulled out a crossbow, aiming it towards the two large monsters.

"Looks like we're gonna have save our little squabble for later." Evelyn said, her retractable claws popping out.

To seem useful, Aurora pulled out her two dinky little weapons, inserting two fire dust crystals in to add some extra fire power.

"Alright, Hem," Evelyn said, smiling, "let's see what you've got!"

"R-right!"

Aurora gripped her little guns, shaking in her boots as she dug her feet into the ground.

'Looks like I'm gonna have to take it til I make it! So let's go!'

#rwby #my writing #bri writes #rwby oc #rwby team hell #leticia tawny #aurelia azure #aurora hemlock #evelyn pisica #harlow clemente #leo lionheart

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cchellacat · 5 years

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Lost

Love All The Marvel Ships Challenge

Day Twenty-Five

Prompt: Getting Lost Somewhere

Darcy jammed the hat on her head angrily and kept walking. Incompetent fucking goons. She had had it. She was fed up with the constant kidnapping, the random portaling to other places, the constant clean up duty she always got left with. God it was so unfair. Explosions and chemical spills, running for her life…. she didn’t know why she kept putting herself through this anymore. It wasn’t like they actually needed her. She was just the help when it came right down to it. The help and Bucky Barnes ex-girlfriend. Ugg.

She was done. If she ever finds her way back to civilization she’s quitting. Going back home or maybe to Washington and actually use the stupid ass degree she spent thousands on college tuition for.

She stuffed her hands in her pockets and kept up a steady pace. She had no fucking clue where she was. They had taken her this morning, yesterday? Ugg, she had no idea how long she was out for. Some moron had stuck a needle in her neck and shot her full of some knock out drug. She’d been out like a light before she even saw the inside of the van.

Now she’s stuck in the middle of nowhere. She had no idea where she was or how long ago she’d been taken so couldn’t even guess how far from New York she might be. They’d tossed her phone and none of the bodies she left behind had had any digital tech on them.

When she’d woken up she’s been patient, waited for an opening, let them think she was still out of it. Then she’d done everything Natasha had taught her. She kept a small razorblade in the cuff of her shirt and bobby pins tucked into the waistband of her pants, front and back. The idiots hadn’t bothered to frisk her more thoroughly than to take her phone and tablet. Hell, even her handbag had still been there. She’d picket the lock on her cuffs, unwound the garrotte wire bracelet that had been a gift from Bucky last Christmas and choked the first goon to death. It was insulting really, that they’d only sent two of them to pick her up. Did she really not rate as a threat at all to these people? Was she just some easy pickings, viewed as a non-powered lacky to superhero’s? The second one had suffered the same fate, the van had been totalled though, she hadn’t wanted to risk the driver pulling over first and possibly getting the upper hand.

She she’s walking down a highway in the middle of bumfuck nowhere hoping to find something or wave down a car and get help. Maybe she’ll just not bother going back to New York at all, just go straight to Washington, find an apartment, a job, start over. It’s not like anyone will notice she’s gone.

Okay, so maybe she’s feeling a bit sorry for herself, but can you blame her?

She’s been lost ever since Jane went off to Asgard and Bucky and she had had that huge fight and they’d broken up. Oh she does not want to think about that right now. She never does, but it comes back to haunt her thoughts at the worst times. Like now, when every part of her just wants him to show up and get her out of here. Her eyes prickle uncomfortably, and she rubs at them angrily, there will be no tears, not right now. She’s done nothing but cry for months.

The sound of a van or a truck made its way to her ears and she stepped off the road, pulling the gun she’s taken from her kidnappers.

The van approaching was almost identical to the one she had been taken it. What were the chances that these were the same people? The van suddenly swerved and then careened off the highway, flipping as it left the road and down an embankment, rolling as it went. What the actual fuck?

Darcy cautiously made her way over and looked down the steep drop at the side. The van had come to a stop about 200 yards down, caught by the trees on the slope. She took cover and waited, wondering if anyone was alive down there. She wasn’t quite brave enough or stupid enough to go down and see. The screech of metal made her wince as the side of the van was torn open.

Well fuck. Of course, it was him, who else would it be?

Nope, all the nopes. She was not ready for this right now. She tucked the gun back in her pocket and started walking briskly. She was so not doing this right now.

She hadn’t gotten more than a few hundred feet down the road when she heard his voice calling her name. She ignored it and kept walking.

“For fuck sake Darcy, would you stop!”

She had been kidnapped and she hadn’t cried. She had killed two men and she hadn’t cried. She had been left in the middle of nowhere with no way home and she hadn’t fucking cried. But his voice? Calling to her? After she hadn’t seen or heard from him in nearly six months? Yes. That could make her cry, damn it!

She could feel him getting closer, hear the way he didn’t even have to run as he did that murder strut to catch up with her. She was barely holding it together right now. There was nowhere for her to go to escape him. She was trapped. She heaved a breath and dug her nails into the palms of her hands, refusing to let him see her cry right now. She slowed and stopped, turning slowly to watch from the corner of her eye as he approached.

Darcy pasted on the sweetest, fakest smile she could.

“Hey, long time no see. How have you been stranger?”

She took a small satisfaction in the way he almost missed a step at her greeting. Was her tone bitter and sarcastic? Yes, yes it fucking was.

“Doll.”

He said it like he used to. The way he’d said it a thousand times before, like it meant something special. He never called anyone but her that.

He gave out sweethearts and sugars like candy, but that name had been for her alone.

“What are you doing here?”

He looks at her like she’s out of her mind.

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came after you!”

“In a van with some more of the goon squad?”

“I caught up to them this morning, let them take me, figured they’d lead me to you. One of them was about to really knock me out so I took them out.”

“Well, you found me, well done. How are we getting out of here and where is here?”

He opened his mouth to answer, watching one cool, arched brow, rise enquiringly. So maybe he hadn’t quite thought that through.

“Have you got your phone?” She asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

“No.”

“Tracker?”

“No.”

“Any idea where we are?”

“…………..”

“We’re lost aren’t we.”

“Darce, it’ll be fine, we just keep following the road till we find someplace.”

“Where were you when they pickled you up?”

“Just outside of Saratoga Springs, heading north, about seven hours ago so we’re probably…”

“In the middle of nowhere.” She finishes for him. Nothing but wilderness and national park for miles.

“Great.” She turns and keeps walking.

Bucky’s gut churns as he follows after her. She keeps her silence and he bites his lip, resisting the urge to talk to her, to get everything out in the open and fix things with her. But he knows from the quiver in her voice that she’s hanging on by a thread right now. He wants to ask her how she got away, wants to ask her a lot of things.

When the cops had called yesterday to return Darcy’s phone which had been found in the street, he had been more than confused. Some kid had found it on the sidewalk and handed it in to the precinct. They’d managed to open up her emergency contacts without breaking the encryption on her phone. His was the only number listed. After a few more phone calls it had become apparent that no one had seen Darcy since Tuesday morning when she’d went to pick up some dry cleaning for one of the scientists. Bucky had taken the bike and drove back to the city as fast as possible.

Letting himself into the apartment they had shared he had been stunned to find all her things gone. Where the hell was she living if not here? Seeing the place empty of all the things that had once made it home had been like a punch to the gut. A reminder that they weren’t a couple anymore. He’d been upstate so long he’d convinced himself if he didn’t come back he could believe she was still waiting, everything unchanged from how it had been.

Prying information out of Maria Hill had been time consuming, time Darcy might not have had. If it wasn’t illegal he would have strung the cold hearted bitch up. The woman hadn’t even noticed that Darcy was missing.

After a conversation which had been like pulling teeth he had finally got all the information he needed. Darcy had been asked to live elsewhere since she no longer had clearance. Apparently with Jane gone and Bucky upstate, the two of them no longer an item, she’d basically been evicted from the apartment.

That was bullshit. It had never been his apartment, it had been theirs. They moved into it together, when he left, he never considered anyone would have the nerve to ask her to leave, but apparently that wasn’t the case.

Then she’d been demoted from the Elite level R&D labs to working as some assistant and lacky to the scientists on level 64. God she must have been bored out of her mind.

Finding out that her security detail had been pulled shortly after he had left to go upstate had started a shouting match, he’s pretty sure everyone in Manhattan had heard. And he knows who did it. Steve was in charge of security for he Tower since he left, it had to have been him that took the only protection she had away from her and then she’d been taken.

He wonders how long they waited to get their hands on her before they realised, she had been left unprotected. Guilt is eating him alive. He should have checked on her. If he had, none of this would have happened. She’d still be living in their apartment safely, not commuting from Queens. She’d have had a discrete four-man protection detail every time she left without him or one of the others. He thought he’d left her safe, instead, walking away had made her vulnerable.

He sighs and continues following her. All he wants is to reach out and touch her, take her in his arms and hold her, make sure she’s solid and safe. He refrains and watches her like a hawk.

Darcy feels herself starts to shake a little. The adrenalin is wearing off and she knows what a crash feels like, one is coming and she’s going to useless. She has to tell him, but every time she feels ready to give in and just talk her stubborn pride rears up to bite her in the ass.

He looks good. Six months is a long time when you haven’t seen someone. His hair’s shorter, probably not unlike it had been back before the war. He’s wearing a leather jacket and tight black jeans that leave little to the imagination, not that she needs to imagine, oh no, she still remembers exactly what he looks like out of his clothes.

She can feel herself slowing down a bit, but she keeps quiet, he hasn’t said anything either yet.

Part of her wants to stop, turn around and throw herself into his arms. She’s pretty sure he’d catch her, hold her… comfort her. She wishes she could have felt that way months ago, back before everything went down the drain. But she hadn’t. She’d felt like she didn’t know where she stood with him at all.

They had hooked up too fast in the beginning. It had taken three days before he’d had her in his bed. Not that she had been complaining. God no, they were amazing together, between the sheets they were fantastic, everything about them made sense. In the real world, trying to live together, make a relationship work? Yeah, not so great. It took far longer than she liked to notice that it wasn’t working and when she had… it had been too late to put it back together again, at least for her. She’d been so consumed by anger and resentment…jealousy. But she hadn’t stopped loving him. Caring about him, she hadn’t wanted him to run off, upstate and ignore her. Office gossip being what it was some of the other assistants hadn’t wasted any time in letting her know he’d moved on.

Before she could stop herself she’d asked the question.

“I heard you were seeing someone?”

Bucky stops short, then comes up along side her so he was able to see her face. He wonders why she’d asking this now, but he answers her anyway.

“I was dating for a while, a couple of months, didn’t work out.”

Darcy feels the swoop of nausea at the confirmation, then the glee at his admission of being single once again.

“I’m sorry.” She mange’s to say almost sincerely.

“No, you’re not.”

His retort isn’t grumpy or angry, there’s a curl of a smile in voice, as if he’s pleased by her question. Is he flirting with her…? She shrugs, feeling like a teenager and agrees.

“No, I’m not.”

They walk another mile before he asks her.

“You still seeing Quinn?”

Darcy starts at that, how the hell did he know about that? It had lasted all of three weeks.

“Nope.”

Bucky bites back a grin before offering his regrets.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

That he offers the most insincere apology with such a cheeky smirk almost makes her laugh out loud.

“No, you’re not.”

This time she moves close enough to him to bump his shoulder. The look he throws her is burning into her.

“No, I’m not.”

That is honest, heartbreakingly honest. It was always the same with them, a maelstrom of emotions one after another.

“What are we doing here Bucky?”

She knows exactly how desperate that sounds.

He looked conflicted for a moment then lifted her over the turnstile. The side road looked like it would lead to a house or a cabin, they’d hopefully find a telephone there.

“I have no fuckin clue, Doll.”

He kept up a fast pace then, but not so hard she couldn’t keep up. Every time he looked at her she wanted to say something, anything, but her voice froze in her throat.

This was why he’d stayed away. Put the two of them in the same vicinity for long enough and they couldn’t help but begin to soften. After that last argument he’d ran. Packed a bag and left. It had been a dick move, he’d said nothing, not even good bye.

She’d been wrong though. He didn’t want anyone but her. Stupid fuckin argument. Stupid fuckin pride. He knew what it had looked like but part of him wanted to punish her for jumping to conclusions and he never sat her down and explained what had actually happened. Fuck, if it had been him, he’d have hit anyone that put hands on her.

The house came into view and Darcy let out a breath. Thank fuck, she didn’t think she could have went much longer. Which is of course when she steps in a gofer hole, twisting her ankle. She lets out a sharp cry, but she never hits the ground.

He never could help playing knight in shining armour. He scoops her up in his arms and their faces are close together, eyes locked, breathless, unable to look away.

It would be so easy to tilt her head just a fraction, invite him to kiss her and she is so tempted to. So unbelievably tempted, because good god she missed him. Missed his laugh and his eyes that would track her when she entered a room. Missed the smell of him in her bed. Missed the smell of sex in the early morning when he would wake her and make love to her slowly, pull her apart piece by piece till the only name she knew was his. She can almost feel it again, the certainty and safety he had provided her. She missed that most of all. Oh, she could take care of herself just fine, she’d more than proven that today. She didn’t need a man… but she wanted this one. Wanted him badly. Wanted him to want her. Wanted him to need her. Instead of giving in to the temptation of kissing him she does something worse. She can see it in his eyes what he wants. Darcy tucks her head underneath his chin and closes her eyes, shaking from the mixture of fear, adrenalin and exhaustion. His grip on her tightens and she could cry when he presses a kiss into her hair.

“We’re alright Doll, I’ll get you home.”

Darcy nods against his neck and lets the silent tears that have been threatening all day to fall.

The house is quiet and empty, probably someone’s summer place. There’s a key under a pot at the back door and they let themselves in. He places her on the couch and tucks the afghan on the chair around her before making the calls he needs to. It won’t be too long till they’re back in the city.

He thinks he should probably take this slow, keep his distance, give them a chance to talk everything out but she looks at him with those big blue eyes of hers and he ignores the logical voice in his head. Instead he makes another phone call, talks briefly to the concierge at the tower, he’ll make sure the apartment’s aired, the linens changed, and the pantry stocked for them getting back.

When he sits down next to her, she burrows under his arm and rests her head on his chest.

“I want to fix this.”

It was all she had wanted to hear for months. He was saying it now. But what did it mean?

“It can’t be like it was before. We didn’t talk…. Not really, not the way we should have.”

“I know. I want us to work, Doll. I want us to go home and really talk this all out. We lost our way somewhere, I think it’s time to see if we can find it again. Is that what you want?”

“More than anything. I think we have to decide what we want, together, not just expect the other to know…. I’m guilty of that too. I knew you hadn’t…”

She broke off. She knew he hadn’t cheated, but that day, she had been so scared that he wanted to…

“I’m sorry. I shoulda never been in a position where it looked even remotely like that could ever happen. I’ve never wanted anyone but you, not since the day we met Doll. No one could come close.”

Darcy snorts. “Even when I’m a neurotic paranoid mess?”

“Not even then.”

“You gonna come home with me now?”

“Home?”

“The Tower, Darcy.”

“Are you sure you want me to?”

“I don’t want you outta my sight anytime in the near future. They grabbed you right off the street Baby. Some kid handed your phone in to the cops, if he hadn’t I wouldn’t even have known you were missing. What the hell happened when I left?”

Darcy sighed. She really didn’t feel like telling that story.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

He lets it drop, she’s obviously not ready talk about the way some of the people at he Tower had been treating her. He wonders briefly where the hell Stark was in all of this, he can’t see the other man ever letting anyone treat Darcy the way she has been.

“You want to tell me how you got away from the guys that had you?”

She holds up her hand and wiggles her wrist, the bangle glinting in the light and he feels a grim sense of satisfaction in it. He’d given her that for exactly these sorts of situations.

“You did good Doll, just like we taught you. You’ve got nothin’ to feel bad about.”

She nods into his chest and tries not to think about the two dead men left behind her. it had been her or them, she knows this.

They talk the whole three hours it takes for someone to come pick them up. It’s different from before. He pauses a great deal when he explains things, she can tell it’s not because he’s holding back, but because it takes so much strength to say the things he does out loud. By the time he’s handing her into the chopper she’s made her decision.

“I want to come home with you.”

Bucky lets out a breath he didn’t know he’s been holding.

“Okay.”

Darcy nods. One more go. One more try. Maybe they wouldn’t always know the way, or where they were, but they were going to try.

@randomlittleimp

@captain-rogers-beard

#love all the marvel ships challenge #wintershock #darcy/bucky #love all the marvel ships

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iartlife · 6 years

Text

Chapter Seven

Pt. II

THE HEIR

Liam had a special hate for his dad at the moment but he'd get over it once everything calmed down and felt less like he slept on rocks.

Addie and him just walked passed the little post office from where they met outside of the village. The place was getting overcrowded.

They followed the main road, passing the 'deluxe' cabins that had been booked like regular ones because of the burst in business. They came into the center of the village. It still had the old main building with the resort's restaurant and the rental shop next door by the ski lift that had no one to manage it. The gift shop was on the other side next to Kay's little grocery/convenience store. Across the road was the medical center, two small restaurants, the movie theater, and the coffee shop. The residents mostly lived in the upper level of the resort building but there were a few cabins scattered down the way that were owned.

They needed more places to hold all of these people. There were not only guests but people trying to get reservations as well. Not to mention those who gave up and were trying to find something to do until his dad came back. Everyone wanted to meet Hans.

"Thanks for coming, Unc."

"Anything to help out, Lad. I just hope your father doesn't disown you for having me here."

"He already tried that, I just moved away." Liam was pretty sure his father missed him. He'd been trying to get him to come visit the past few years; would have a missed call and usually a voicemail from him at least once a month asking how he was. "I think he wants me to be a part of his life again. Maybe he remembered I am his only kid. It's just hard for me because of all the shit that happened."

"That's understandable. Speaking of kids, have you set up another date with your little one?"

"Yeah, actually. I invited him and Cindy out here for the weekend. She isn't able to stay, but she's dropping off Eric later."

"I always liked her, too bad she can't stay. You can handle watching a kid and containing this mess?" Addie gestured to the resort.

"I didn't think about that...I invited them yesterday when nobody was here."

Addie chuckled. "You'll do fine. Worry about getting this place under control first."

"Yeah...oh God, this is going to go badly. What if he shows up early? What if I screw up?"

"You won't."

"You sound so sure."

"I won't let you screw up."

"Ha, I might do it anyway."

Addie smiled. "Oh, I forgot to ask: did someone get shot before you called me?"

"N- I don't think so."

"Strange, I could have sworn I heard a weapon fire."

"Maybe you're losing your mind."

"That implies I had one to lose."

Liam couldn't help but chuckle.

They entered the main building. The information/check-in desk was swarmed with people. They dodged them and went into the office.

"Do you know where my dad keeps the 'help wanted' sign?"

He was standing by the closed door, hands in his pockets. "Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps one of your cousins would know."

Liam began rummaging through piles. "Is the girl still at your house?"

"She should be here by now."

"I told you you could hang out with her here yesterday, why didn't you come with her?"

"She wanted to go alone."

Liam paused his search. "What did you do?"

Addie's face dropped. "I scared her."

"You took her into your basement?"

"I don't take anyone down there."

"What did you do then?"

No response.

Liam resumed his search. "Right, well I have Katya and Jane on the way to get the ski lift up and running. When will we have a good layer of powder?"

"When the snow stops."

"Timeframe, Sass-wizard."

"An hour or so."

"Awesome. Kurt didn't answer. He's probably asleep, so hopefully he'll get my message. Send him to the kitchen if he shows up?"

"Anything else, boss?"

"If you could wander around and see where we need help the most? Try not to get stuck in one place for too long."

"Sure."

He found the sign between two filing cabinets. He waved it at Addie. "I'm going to try and hire some of these wandering bodies. Hopefully someone will be interested."

"I'll send anyone that looks lost your way."

"Cool, thanks again."

He nodded and left the office.

Liam tidied the desk and chairs up from most of their clutter. Leaving the office to put the sign in the window, he told Liz to direct anyone looking for a temp-job to him. He said he would be in the restaraunt.

Denise was running around the kitchen like it was on fire. He managed to stop her long enough to ask where he could help.

Before he had a chance to even turn the stove on someone poked their head in the room. "Are you Liam?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"The lady at the desk said you're hiring?"

Back to the office he went with the woman on his heels.

Liam closed the door behind them and settled into his father's chair. She sat across the desk from him.

He gave her his best smile. "Right, what's your name?"

"Sherry. Sherry Jenkins."

"And what have you done before, Sherry?"

"I uh, I've worked a lot of retail."

"Great, you're hired." He began to scrawl a note. "Can you start right now?"

"W- Yeah. Just like that?"

"Just like that." He handed her the note. "Give that to Kevin, he's next door at the rental shop."

"Y-great. Yeah. Okay."

They stood and he opened the door for her. He was surprised to find a young man waiting for him on the other side.

He let him in the office and they sat.

"Your name?"

"Um, Jeff...Ritchie."

"We already have a Jeff, can I call you Ritchie?"

"S-ure"

"What work have you done?"

"I-I've never had a real job before, I'm still in school."

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"How do you feel about washing dishes?"

"Well, I'd be getting paid for it, right?"

"That's kinda what a job is, yeah."

"Sure, I'd wash dishes."

"Great."

He wrote another note and handed it to the boy. "You're hired. Can you start right now?"

He stared at him blankly for a moment. "I guess so. Yeah."

"The restaraunt is past the lobby and that way." He pointed. "Give that note to Denise."

He read the note in his hands. "Cool."

Liam let Ritchie out of the office and there was now a line of three people waiting outside the door.

There weren't going to be any issues getting help after all.

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MASTER

#original story #gamble chronicles #chapter seven #the heir #modern fantasy #what have i been putting here?#i dont think i care anymore...#simplistic tagging #fite me

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awakeningofthedeath · 6 years

Text

Awakening of the Death-Chapter #12

Previous Chapter Next Chapter First Chapter

The next morning, Jack was still awake, he didn’t sleep a wink since he stayed by Hellen’s side. He kept her head cool with cold water, and most of the night he read a collection of Shakespeare’s Sonnets that he found in a bundle of books in the living quarters. Jack had always enjoyed reading the masterpieces of Shakespeare, his favorite being “Julius Caesar” and “Hamlet”. He never really had much interest in the sonnets; but it seemed like a proper timing to feed Hellen’s mind with something beautiful. Like that of the 56th Sonnet

Sweet love, renew thy force; be it not said Thy edge should blunter be than appetite, Which but to-day by feeding is allay'd, To-morrow sharpen'd in his former might: So, love, be thou; although to-day thou fill Thy hungry eyes even till they wink with fullness, To-morrow see again, and do not kill The spirit of love with a perpetual dullness. Let this sad interim like the ocean be Which parts the shore, where two contracted new Come daily to the banks, that, when they see Return of love, more blest may be the view; Else call it winter, which being full of care Makes summer's welcome thrice more wish'd, more rare.

Suddenly he heard someone knocking the front door. He left Hellen for a moment, carefully lifting himself from the bed to walk over and open the door. He saw a young woman, one of the members of the Dark Horses who saved by him yesterday, stand in front of him. She was a timid young lass with brown hair and blue eyes that seemed to be more innocent then fierce in this gang.

“Uh oh, good.. good morning boss… Sorry if I’m disturbing you, I just want to give you this cake. I made it last night and I was thinking about you, and figured you may need this…” She is smiled awkwardly, afraid that Jack would refuse. Jack stared at the cake she made. A pumpkin cake from what he guessed with cinnamon sugar on top. Jack smile at her and receive the cake. “Thank you…”

As Jack went back inside to put the cake on the table, the woman, still stand outside looked in. The rain had been falling all morning, the air turned cold outside. The woman tighten her scarf, hoping Jack would invite her to come inside. Jack saw her standing and sighed. “Please come in…” The woman cheered insideherself, happy but of course she didn’t show that to Jack, she only smiled at him. “Thank you…”

She unbuttoned her coat and Jack help her, hanging it on the wardrobe near the front entrance.

Oh wow, he is not just strong but he is very polite.

“I m sure we haven’t had a proper introduction. My name is Ruth. Ruth Oswald” Ruth offering her hand for a shake. Jack stared at her, then he took it and shook her hand. “Jack.” Ruth smiled “Yes, Jack. It’s very nice to finally meet you.”

Jack smile at her. “I m little bit busy right now, Ruth. Hellen is sick and she needs me to take care of her. So, if you don’t mind, I will leave you here while I cook something for her.”

Jane gasped quietly. “Oh no! She was sick? I had no idea the boss was sick. thats why she hasn’t been around for these past few days, neither has Johnathan”

Jack nodded, he walk to the kitchen, preparing everything he need to cook some soup for Hellen.

Ruth was amazed by how Jack knew cook in the kitchen. He was indeed incredible to her.

Not only strong to protect, he is polite and he can cook? Blimey! He is perfect!

Ruth didn’t realize her face was blushing while she stared at Jack. Jack noticed that Ruth was watching him. He stop cooking and looked at her.

“Is it strange to you? Seeing a man cooking?”

Ruth quickly shook her head. “No no no! I mean not at all!! It’s so sexy and... No! I mean...not sexy!! Oh gosh!” She move away from the kitchen, Ruth covered her face with her both hands, her face turn to red, she go back to living room and sat on the sofa, cursing herself. How stupid she was acting like that in front of Jack. She was nearly at the brink crying and felt like taking her coat and leave the apartment but she didn’t, she is know it was impolite to leave so soon without acknowledgment.

Jack shook his head and keep continue to cook. Ruth stayed in the living room, didn’t dare to meet Jack’s gaze.

How could I be so stupid like this.? Hellen is sick and Jack trying to cook something for her, and what am I doing here? I’m just amazed by how sexy he is? My God…he is so sexy… His face, his arms when he touched mine… Pheewwww… No no no… I have to be focused… I have to help them both! Okay, show me what you got now Ruth. Keep strong, you must seen that handsome face again!

Ruth pressed her face with her both palms tenderly, then she turned around, she saw Jack standing there.

'What the? How long he is been standing there?

Jack then smile at her. “The soup was ready, I have to bring this to Hellen first.” He walk to one of the room, Jane supposed it was Hellens room. “Uh oh..!! Yes of course you do that, Jack…!!” When Jack entered the room, Jane screaming in her heart. Again, cursed herself why she had been acting like a teenager.

Jack saw Hellen was awake when he entered into the room. Her auburn hair was tied back half way, showing her face. She wore a clean pair of pants with a long sleeve cotton shirt and a brown vest that made her look more mature then he’d ever seen her.

"Jack?” Hellen asked. ”What are you doing here?" Hellen was shocked, seeing Jack in her bedroom.

"I m sorry if I’ve been entering your room Hellen, I have to do. I couldn't leave you, being sick like this."

Hellen looked a little bit unsatisfied, yet mixed with gratitude barely visible. Jack sat next to her, in the chair. Hellen smelled something good in the air. A chicken soup from what she guessed.

Her stomach growled. Jack gave a small smile

"I heard that. Thats good. Its mean your body needs nutrition to fight the viruses." Jack start to feeding her, but Hellen took the bowl and spoon and dug in, she was extremely hungry. She ate the soup and she admit it later, Jack’s skill with cooking is very pleasing to her at this time. Hellen ate it until she cleaned it all.

“One of our Dark Horses is here. Her name is Ruth." Jack told Hellen. She stopped eat. He told Hellen everything about what happen yesterday with David and the Dark Horses.

After Jack finish his story, Hellen gripped the dirty sheets "That bastard! I knew him slightly; He was very cocky, like his brother. Now wonder he went on a revenge for John. Those two stuck to each other like peanut butter and honey." Jack saw Hellen’s face turned red with anger.

"Its alright, he was taking care to our rooks now. He will not dare to come again." Jack put his palm on Hellen forehead. "The fever is gone now now. I’ll buy you some medicine later. Now you get rest. I will be back here to checking you while I should checking our guests first." Hellen nodded and she go back tuck in her blanket. Jack closed the door.

Jack gasp. He saw Ruth in front of him, carry her coat. "Uh hello.. I mean... How was Hellen?" Jack smirk, bring the empty bowl to the sink and wash it. "She’ll be fine. Her fever is almost gone now, she only needs some rest."

Ruth looked happy. "Thats good, I hope she will get better soon." Jack smile at her. "Well, uh, I better go now..." Ruth walk to the door accompanied by Jack. "It was... really nice to see you, Jack..."

Jack smile at her. "Thank you for the cake." Ruth face begin to red again. "Have a good afternoon, Ruth" Jack nodded at her and close the door.

Ruth walk away from the apartment, she feel her heart tearing apart. Could is he... is he Hellen’s boyfriend? No one talks her like that... But he live with her. Could he sleep with her too? Or maybe not. The way he’s taking care of her... Argh..!! I wish I can have him!

Ruth walked through the streets, she could not wait until she can meet Jack again when both return to the gang.

Jack gathered the dirty sheets from Hellen’s bed, avoiding eye contact from Hellen. As Hellen walked by, she noticed again that he was avoiding her. Hellen couldn’t stands it no more, she was itching to ask him a question.

Hellen called out to him "Jack.” He stopped, to turn and looked at her.

“Why Jack? You barely know me, why you save my life? Risking your life to someone you only known about a weeks? Am I just a prize or a tool to you?"

Jack shook his head. “I...I know...how cruel men like Johnathan can be. Treating women like a trophy or for pleasure. You’re something different Hellen Patterson. Something that can’t be tarnished. You deserved better”

Then he turned to send the sheets to the wash lady, leaving Hellen surprisingly flattered and touch beyond words

#awakening of the death #ruth #jack the lad #jack the ripper #Assassin's Creed Syndicate #hellen patterson

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tales-of-a-fallen-star · 7 years

Text

“About Me” - Tag

So, I believe I’ve never been tagged in something like this before so I’m very excited to do this. (Btw, to all of you out there, feel free to tag me in things like this if you like. I always enjoy doing these.)

Thanks to the lovely @atarostarling for tagging me! ♥

Anyway, leggo ~

Name/nickname: Allison/Ally

Gender: Female

Star sign: Capricorn

Height: 171cm, or for everyone else who measures one’s height in feet and inches (why???) I’m 5′6′‘

Hogwarts House: Slytherin, although, as it turns out, I’m one of those hybrids because I’ve taken the official Pottermore Sorting Hat quiz 8 times now and I’ve been put 4 times into Slytherin and 4 times into Ravenclaw. So I guess I’m a... Slytherclaw? I don’t know. Truth be told, I’ll always be a Slytherin at heart because it’s the first house I’ve been sorted into and also because I think it’d suit me really well, haha.

Favourite animal: What a cruel question, there are so many animals I love! Except insects and spider, fuck those.

Hours of sleep: If I get less than 7 hours of sleep I’m really moody and stressed, so when I have to get up at 6am the next morning I naturally go to bed around 1am... *sigh* But the one day where I can sleep in I tend to not leave the bed before 12pm, haha.

Dogs or cats: I’d like to refer back to No.6 - WHAT A CRUEL QUESTION I REFUSE TO ANSWER THIS WHY NOT BOTH?!?!

Number of blankets: 1, though sometimes in WInter when it’s really really cold I tend to use 2

Dream trip: I wanna go to Japan so baaaaaaaad ;_______;

Dream job: I know it sounds kinda cheesy, but I’d love to be an actor. Not for tv shows or movies, but for theatre and plays on stage. I’d love that.

Time: 03:06 am GMT+1

Birthday: December 23rd

Favorite Bands: Fall Out Boy, T-Ara, Materia, Twenty One Pilots

Favorite Solo Artists: Halsey, Zara Larsson, Rihanna, Sam Smith, Shawn Mendes and Lana Del Rey (in case you didn’t notice: my taste in music is a huge mess)

Song Stuck In My Head: Zara Larsson feat. Nena - Only You (I might or might not have a nice song fic in the works for this one)

Last Movie I Watched: Kimi no Na wa (OKAY LISTEN I THOUGHT I SIGNED UP FOR A CUTE AND WHOLESOME ANIME MOVIE AND THEN I WAS FLOODED WITH FEELS I DIDN’T ASK FOR! I WAS A SOBBING MESS WHAT THE HELL)

Last Show I Watched: The Crown

When Did I Create My Blog: According to my archive my first posts date back to October 2013, so I’ve been on this hellsite for more than 4 years now

What Do I Post/Reblog: Pretty much everything I like or that interests me, though I have to say that content for FFXV dominates my blog a lot at the moment (especially the fine-rendered pixels of the one and only Lord and Saviour Ignis Scientia)

Last Thing I Googled: FFXV Comrades release date... unfortunately nothing new though *sigh*

Other Blogs: none

Do I Get Asks: on occasion, but not enough. I’d really like to have more interaction with others. :c

Why I Choose My URL: That is a nice story actually. When I was a little girl my dad always used to tell me the stories of a little star named Allison and how she explored the universe, the tales of a star if you like. So a few years back I was kinda stuck in a very dark place and my blog theme changed from YouTube fangirl blog to deep/depression/hipster/whatever blog and I needed a fitting URL. I remembered those stories my dad used to tell me and thought “Huh... I guess I’m a fallen star now...” and that is basically how this URL was created. I kept it until today because it always makes me remember those stories and how I conquered all that shit back then and how it made me stronger.

Following: 195

Followers: 438

Lucky Number: 23

Favorite Instrument: Piano and violin

What Am I Wearing: right now just a baggy t-shirt because I’m in bed and actually wanted to go to sleep about 2 hours ago, haha

Favorite Food: I really love all kinds of Asian food, but sushi definitely the most

Nationality: German/American (mixed heritage and all that ish)

Favorite Song: Too many, also changes constantly, but I guess a song I’ve listened to quite a lot over the past few years is a piece from the FFX-2 OST actually, it’s ‘Eternity: Memory of Lightwaves’

Last Book Read: I recently reread ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen, probably one of my favourite novels ever

Top Three Fictional Universes I’d Like To Join: One of them is definitely FFXV for the same reason @atarostarling mentioned, hahaha. Another one would be the HP universe, because honestly, I wanna be a wizard! It sounds so exciting and wonderful and AHHHHHHHHHH I guess the last would be the world of Doctor Who. I think travelling with the Doctor, no matter which regeneration of him, would be absolutely breathtaking and wonderful.

Tagging some peeps I see regularly in my activity feed: @continuouslystriving @zoeyredbird1 @kayterschmater @kawaiinekorose @alicemoonwonderland @xalmasyx @violinbetty and everone else who’d like to do it

Of course you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to! ♥

(But if you do, please tag me in your post so I can learn more about you guys!)

#Ally answers #kinda #shut up Ally #about me #personal #about me tag

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lolainblue · 7 years

Text

Thunderbirds Chapter 29

Jane wrapped her arms around Roger. “What happened?”

“I just told you,” he replied with a pout.

Jane sighed. “Roger, I know she didn't just come over one day and say “You're too exhausting, I'm taking my toothbrush and going home.”. What happened?”

“She did it at dinner. And she's been complaining for a while. I mentioned maybe flying out to see you when your tour picked back up and we got in this big fight about how I never stay in town with her when I'm not working, and how I'm always running off to do this and that and she just said I was unstable and exhausting and she'd had enough. Left before the dessert cart.”

Jane frowned. “So the fight started because you wanted to come see me?”

Roger threw his head back and sighed. “No, Jane, she didn't dump me because of you.”

“Because she never liked sharing you with me, she was always trying to get rid of me....”

“.. and that was her first mistake,” Roger said firmly. “No one splits up the Wonder Twins. But no, she can make all the excuses she wants to but really she broke up with me because she felt like her sell-by date was approaching and I wasn't one bit closer to wanting to settle down with her or anyone else than the day she met me. And even then I think she'd probably have stuck around longer if I were a bigger deal, but I'm not A-list enough to compensate for a lack of a ring.”

Jane wrinkled her nose. “Is that why she's been pushing you into acting?”

“I think so.” Roger laughed bitterly. “Funny thing is though, now that I'm actually studying what I'm doing, I really like it. And I'm getting a lot better.”

“Well screw Daphne.” Jane got up out of the bed and started rummaging through her bag. “May she have a shallow and miserable life as some Upper East Side trophy wife. I'm going to get dressed and then we're going to get some breakfast and figure out where there is to party in this town.” She tossed my bag at me. “Come on, Shannon.”

I groaned and laid back down on the bed. We'd been up late the night before and it was entirely too early to be awake in my opinion. This was the last actual full day off I had before Jane left and I'd had visions of spending it in bed with her, maybe going out later that night for some local fun. “Jane it's 9:30 in the morning. Don't you think it's a little early to start partying?”

“I said breakfast first.” She frowned at me. “Why are you being like this?”

Shit. I could feel this turning sour fast. “Like what?” I asked, but I knew. I didn't know when I had turned into a judgmental, grumpy old man.

“Like the goddamn party police.”

As much as I didn't want to spend the day babysitting Roger, I was even less enthusiastic about spending it fighting with Jane. But as usual, I found myself unable to control the stupid things coming out of my mouth. “It was supposed to just be us today.” I pouted. “I haven't seen you in all these years and we finally have a chance to spend some time together and then he shows up and suddenly it's all pancakes and day drinking?”

“Hey look, the last thing I want is to do here is show up and mess things up between you guys,” Roger interjected. He got up and picked up his bag. “Jared said I could share his room. I'll just go down there and we can hang later.”

“No way, stay right there.” Jane was dressing as she spoke, pulling on shorts and a t-shirt and putting her curls into a ponytail. She turned her attention back to me. “Exactly what are you upset about anyway? Me taking time to cheer up my best friend or me not spending the day naked and at your beck and call?”

“Both?” I winced at how bad that sounded but my vocal filter was apparently on vacation. So, of course, I proceeded to make it worse. “Why am I such a monster for wanting to spend time with you when we've just now gotten back together? He's not even that upset. He said you guys can hang later. Are there any circumstances under which I'm not going to be playing second fiddle to Roger? Because if you two are always this way I think I might be on team Daphne.”

Roger's eyes grew wide and I knew that I had really stepped in it. Jane turned a shade of a red I don't think I had ever seen before in a human. “I know you did not just imply I should ditch my upset best friend so I could hang out in a hotel all day sucking your dick.”

I could tell by the way she said that last part that particular activity was not going to be happening again for a very long time. I should have backed down, but I was in too deep to get out now. “Do you really want to go to comfort him or is it just another convenient excuse to get fucked up? Because, again, it's 9:30 in the morning, we've up for fifteen minutes and you're already mentally pouring tequila shots.”

“What the fuck, Shannon. Projecting much?”

“Maybe I've just seen that look before.” I drew my hands across my face, trying to calm down. I wasn't really even sure why I was so upset. It wasn't unreasonable she'd want to cheer Roger up. But the thought of sharing Jane with anybody suddenly made me a little crazy, especially today, when I'd had so many plans for our time alone together.

Roger tried to calm the situation down. “Janey, come on don't be unreasonable. Of course he wants to spend some time with you.” He turned to me. “I'm sorry man, I wasn't thinking. You guys have your own shit to work out. I shouldn't have just shown up like this.”

Now I felt like an even bigger asshole. “I'm sorry. I'm tired and I need some coffee. You got dumped. You wanted your best friend. It's fine.”

Jane had crossed her arms and was tapping her foot. She didn't look one bit ready to start making peace. I thought I had seen her angry when she was fighting with Jared. She looked ready to spit now. “It's not fine. You two don't get to decide when I get to be upset or how much or with whom.”

“Jane....” Roger looked completely baffled by her behavior. I could see tears welling up in her eyes.

“I am dealing with things the best I can right now. You don't need to be second guessing every decision I make, believe me, I'm doing enough of that myself. Don't try to take Roger away from me too.”

Roger was at Jane's side in an instant, pulling her against his chest. “I'm not going anywhere and I'm sure Shannon doesn't want me to. That's not what he meant silly girl.”

Jane tore herself loose from him. “I am not a silly girl and if everyone could stop treating me like a teenager that was left unsupervised for too long that would be great.” She looked at me. “I know I've done some fucking up recently. But I don't judge you for mistakes. It would be nice if you could extend me the same courtesy.”

Well, that fucking stung. One of the most miraculous things about Jane for me had been the way she had seen past all my problems. Now she was under a pile of her own and really needed a friend. I realized if I wanted her to pick me then I needed to be someone who was worthy of being picked. “No judgment, Janey, I promise. Cross my heart.” I told her.

She was quieter when she responded. “I wasn't ditching you. I thought the three of us could hang out, we could cheer up Roger together. After yesterday I thought we could stand to let off a little steam too. I wasn't choosing anyone. I didn't think I needed to.”

“I'm sorry.” I didn't know what else to say so I pulled Jane in for a hug. I was relieved when she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me back.

“I'm sorry too. I don't know why I blew up like that. I guess I'm just a little over sensitive right now.”

“Great,” Roger said. “Everyone's sorry and we promise not be such assholes for at least another few hours. So where are my pancakes? I know someone said pancakes.”

There was a Denny's next door to the motel and we took over a big booth in the back and ordered the promised pancakes and of course lots of coffee. Roger and Jane told me a little more about Daphne, who Jane mostly liked until she started trying to come between her and Roger. Jane had tried to keep the peace for Roger's sake but she'd been harboring a big ball of hate for Daphne and when I implied I might have sympathized with her I think that's what pushed the fight over the edge.

Jared eventually showed up and joined us at the table, and then Kevin. We all sat around trading stories of love gone wrong until Jane's phone rang. It was the lawyer Jared had referred her to the day before. She excused herself and went to finish the conversation.

With Jane gone from the table, Roger turned to me, his face stony. “Look, I'm not going to give you the “You hurt my friend and I'll kill you in your sleep” speech because I'm sure you already know that. But I like you. You get the extremely rare Jane-dating Roger seal of approval.”

“Um, thanks?” I said a little confused. He seemed to be telling me he was okay with me being with Jane but the look on his face didn't match his words.

“Yeah, but listen. Please be patient with her. I know she's putting on a good face, she's really good at seeming like she's on top of the world when she's actually trapped underneath it. But she's been through hell the last few years, I doubt she's even told you half of it. And I don't think the thing with Angus has sunk in yet.”

I remembered how happy Jane had seemed when I ran into her in that bookstore. It made me sad to think that was just a mask. I also thought about how quickly she had snapped in the hotel room this morning. She was definitely held together by thin thread at this point. “I'm trying to be there for her.”

“I know. I hope you know how much I appreciate that. Just don't fuck this up. I don't know what she told you but it took her a long time to get over you after we left. I don't want to think what it would do to her to lose you again in the state she's in now.”

“I promise,” I told him. His face stayed serious but he didn't say anything else. I wondered if he had actually come out here to be comforted about his own breakup or to make sure Jane didn't get hurt again. I don't think she even realized how protective of her he was.

Jane came back inside carrying a “Local Attractions” flier from one of those ubiquitous kiosks outside the restaurant and tossed it down on the table. I got up to let her slip between Roger and me again and she laid her head on my shoulder. Roger gave me a significant look and I put my arm around Jane, pulling her in a little tighter. “How did the conversation with the lawyer go?”

She sighed and sat back up. “He's going to take the case. I told him everything, including our plan to expose Angus. He says he knows a few P.I.'s that he works with occasionally, there should be one that will be suitable for the job, he's going to take care of setting that up. We're going to hold off filing any motions while we wait for that to come together, we don't want to alert them that something is up. The whole thing is going to be an international legal nightmare, it will probably be expensive and take some time, but in the end, I should be able to get what I want.”

“That's good, I guess. Isn't it?”

Jane nodded and picked her coffee mug back up but it was empty. “You want me to get the waitress?” Kevin asked her. She shook her head before laying it back down on my shoulder. Roger leaned over and placed his own head on Jane's shoulder. She seemed much more subdued since the phone call and her mood was already bleeding over into Roger's. Jared was starting to look pretty pouty too. I did not need the three dumpees throwing themselves a pity party. I grabbed the little attractions booklet and started looked for a distraction.

“There's a zoo,” I pointed out. Jared perked up but Roger made a face. Okay, no zoo. “There's some museums, an aquarium, shopping... we could go ice skating?” I suggested. Jane frowned and pulled the little guide over in front of herself and continued leafing through it.

“Ice skating sounds kind of fun in his heat,” Roger suggested. Jane made a sound of disapproval. I was about to point out she wasn't going to find any bars open this early but then I remembered what I had promised. My inner shithead was trying hard to surface again. Suddenly Jane closed the booklet and pushed it back to the center of the table.

“Amusement park. Roller coasters. Discussion over. Take me to where the roller coasters are,” she demanded with a smile. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

Amusement parks brought out Jane's inner eight-year old. She had to buy cotton candy and t-shirts and ride everything, from the big scary coasters to the little kiddie train that circled the park. While we stood in line waiting for the big tower drop I watched Roger horsing around with Jared and Kevin.

“He doesn't seem very broken up,” I said quietly to Jane.

She looked over at the three of them clowning it up, Jared and Roger locked in some sort of slap fight while they made ridiculous faces at each other. “Wait for it,” she said ominously.

“Are you okay?” I asked her. She nodded and slipped her hands around my waist.

“I'm sorry. About earlier,” she told me.

I pushed back the strand of hair that had come loose from her ponytail. “I know. I'm sorry too.” I brushed my lips against hers, my thumb strumming her cheek. “It's okay now. We survived our first fight. I guess we're a real couple now.”

“Are we?” Jane insisted she was fine but there was a sense of melancholy that hadn't left her since her conversation with the lawyer.

“Are we okay or are we a real couple?”

Jane shrugged but avoided my gaze. That feeling that we weren't on the same page was creeping back in. “Both, I thought. But if you're not, Jane, or if you don't want this please tell me now. I don't need my heart broken either.”

She moved her hands so that they were around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder. “That's not what I meant, Shan,” she whispered.

The line moved forward and it was time for us to board and I didn't get a chance to ask her more. By the time we got off the ride her disposition had turned sunnier and didn't want the day to take another unpleasant turn so I let it go again.

In a recreation of one of our mini dates, Jane and I ended up splitting off from the others, first to hit the midway so I could win her another stuffed animal and then to ride the Ferris wheel where Jane insisted on making out the entire time. When we deboarded the ride, Kevin was waiting, looking upset.

“Jane, you need to come,” he said, motioning as he turned back into the crowds without waiting to see if we were following. Jane creased her forehead in concern and hurried after Kevin, pulling me along with her.

It turned out he was leading us back to Roger, who was sitting in the middle of a paved walkway, head in his hands, while Jared crouched in front of him, speaking softly. “I told you,” Jane sighed

Jared backed off once Jane stepped in and we formed a little circle around them, giving them what little space and privacy we could in the crowd. I felt bad for thinking that Roger was fine, that he hadn't needed Jane at all. I should have trusted her, they had been inseparable for nearly two decades. If she thought he needed her she was probably right.

By the time we got Roger up and moving again everyone decided we'd had enough sun and fun for one day. We loaded up into Roger's rental car and found a drive through that the vegetarians in the group didn't object to, and a liquor store. Loaded up with fast food and bottles of booze the five of us headed back to the sad little honeymoon suite for a little rotgut therapy.

@msroxyblog @nikkitasevoli @maliciousalishious @meghan12151977 @mustlove6277 @fyeahproudglambert

#jared leto fanfiction #jared leto fic #shannon leto fanfiction #shannon leto fic #30 seconds to mars fanfiction #thunderbirds

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an-anaemic-pen · 5 years

Text

Project Phoenix Chapter 5

The Alternative

The Manifestation || The Power Play || The Green-Eyed Fly || The Middle of The Night

Summary: Kate’s a normal teenage Midgardian girl; except there’s a Loki in her attic, and now S.H.I.E.L.D.’s after her, and also, she has powers. Apparently, she’s meant to save the world. She just wanted to finish school and maybe fall in love—at least she’s accomplishing one of those.

Relationships: Gen, F/M (Loki/Original Female Character)

Rating: M (Graphic Depictions of Violence, Underage if you squint bit—nothing occurs while characters are underage, Sexual Content)

Mood: Wolf King (Orchestral), Battlecry

Kate woke up to the sun shining through her curtains. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, looking at her clock. It was almost 9 o’clock.

She glanced over at her door, which was still shut. "Loki?"

There was no reply. Not even through her thoughts.

Kate blinked. "Well, that’s slightly alarming." She got up, covering Jake back up and putting on her glasses. "Loki?" she whispered again.

Still, there was no sign of the God of Mischief.

Kate ran through everything she had learned in the night as she fixed her hair and washed her face. While she rinsed the soap off, she felt something land on her back and coil around her waist. She froze and reached for her towel, not finding it. She rubbed her eyes, opening them and wiping water off of her face. A snake was coiled around her like a belt, its beady eyes staring at her. "Give me my towel," she said through gritted teeth.

The snake’s tongue flickered in and out of its mouth before it pointing its head down at the space behind the toilet. There sat Kate towel.

"Really?" she grumbled and pulled the snake off of her, staring at it. "What was the point of that?"

To annoy you, the thought whispered through her head.

Kate glared and bent down, picking up her towel and ‘accidentally’ dropping the snake into the toilet. She cringed as the dirty water splashed up on her neck, but soon got over it as she watched Loki writhe in the generally-unclean waters as a snake. Get me out of here, you awful child! he screamed in her brain.

"Fine, fine," Kate sighed. She casually reached down into the toilet and pulled Loki out, immediately dropping him into the tub. "Would you like a shower, Sire?" she asked, washing her hands.

He turned back into the cinematic version of himself magically. He was dripping wet and wore a glare with the fury of all of Asgard. "Never in my life have I felt so vile, you rampallian!"

"Not even when you are covered in blood?" Kate asked earnestly.

His voice sounded threatening. "That would be the blood of my enemies, mortal. One can’t possibly be disgusted when all who defy him are dead."

Was she one of his enemies?

He immediately began to unclothe himself, dropping the clothes onto the tile floor as if it were nothing. Kate’s sleepy head kicked into high-gear and she mentally scrambled. She ripped the curtains shut moments before his pants were off. Loki laughed and she was thankful for the fabric protecting him from seeing her fully-flushed face and her from getting much too personal with him. Overnight, something had changed. She had known him for a little over 12 hours, and yet she felt what she could only describe as a bond. It was like two friends who were meant to travel their lives with arms interlocked had finally met.

Kate was ripped from her thoughts as Loki spoke, annoyance clear in his voice. "How does that water start on this device?"

"Hold on, let me make sure there’s no other water running first." Kate stuck her head out of the door. "Mom! Can I get a shower?!"

There were a few moments of silence. "I guess!"

"Ok, thanks!" Kate turned back around. "Gimme a second." She left the bathroom and pulled a couple of towels and a washcloth from the linen closet. She came back inside of the bathroom and hung the larger navy towel on the rack, closing the toilet and putting the still-folded, smaller pink towel on the lid as a seat. She threw the washcloth inside and sighed. "Okay, the dial on the left is for hot water and the dial on the right is cold water. You don’t need to mess with the middle dial. Just turn the dials until the water is to your pleasing. Also, warning: you’ll only get about 20 minutes of showering if you use just hot water."

"Child, I am a Frost Giant. I do not care about cold," his voice echoed the slightest bit, his condescending tone biting her. Kate didn’t like it, but sometimes words got to her. Over years of never being good enough compared to her siblings and being the "gifted" idiot who got C’s and B’s in her honors classes that were two grades above her actual freshman-ship, and yet being told to work harder despite her fatigue, it had thickened her skin. And yet the words of strangers hurt most.

Kate shook her head. She needed to stay out of her mind.

The water started, and the slightest bit of steam filled the room. "Save some water for me, I’ll need to wet my hair when you’re done." Kate picked up her phone and began mindlessly swiping through various social media as she always did in the morning.

She wanted to question as to how she got to the position of sitting, waiting for a "god" to finish cleansing himself of toilet bowl water, which she had dropped him in. Where did he come from? Why did he need her help? Why did he care about her of all people?

She had to admit, he was most certainly Asgardian, with the magic and the muscle she had seen while he had casually derobed. Was it commonplace on Asgard or something? Kate doubted it had been a joke (she assumed his rage would prevent him from teasing), but he was the God of Mischief.

Time was moving too fast. She already had a connection, and she didn’t like it. When he said he could make her someone, a little spark had flown from the dead embers of her hope of happiness. Recognition was something she never received, but being someone—having her name in shining lights, even if only for a moment, that would mean the world to her.

Kate felt something brush against her thoughts. It felt like a feather against sandpaper, dainty and soft, almost unnoticed, but Kate had noticed it, and she instantly thought of cows & cows & cows again, and a thud from behind the shower curtain told her Loki had been caught.

She held the barrier at the front of her forehead, thinking towards the back of her mind and multitasking between the trains of two thought. Why won’t he just leave me alone?

The sudden urge to cry swept over her. Why had a simple thought of wanting to be alone triggered waterworks? She blinked a few times, swallowing back the tears. He must be doing something to her brain. Her emotions were never this fragile.

The headache that had begun to form spiked as Loki forced his way past her barrier of cows, pushing it back and squeezing her brain until she was forced to break. Do not shut me out, illr kveisu-nagli! It was a yell, despite having no actual volume.

Kate’s mind receded in pure confusion. She did not necessarily block Loki out, she merely curled herself into a small corner. If he went near her, he could not pry her face from her bent knees and wrapped arms. Yet, she was ripped free of her safe-haven. She was a washcloth, and Loki was wringing out any privacy she still felt she had.

Do not shut me out, he said again. This time, it was quieter, calmer—maybe even sweeter.

Kate’s face crumpled in pain and anger. Her chin quivered, but she refused to believe she was on the verge of tears. Why not? I don’t know you! Tears dripped out of her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She buried her face in her knees. She hated wet anger, it always made her feel weak for crying when she was angry. You turned up and scared me! You hurt me! Then you expect to say sorry, which you didn’t even do might I add, then have me just forgive you?

You committed suicide!

All she could hear was her now-racing heart. It was as if a song had ended on an audio program, and the lines showing the beats and noise just cut off for the straight line of silence. Dull, pure silence. Her tears ceased and she wiped them away with her sleeve. They were gone as fast as they had come. What? She imagined herself, maybe a little prettier and a little less flat, facing Loki, who was thankfully still clothed, standing in a grassy field. His breath was quick in anger and her eyes were empty and red.

I’ve gone back in time five times now. Each time other than the first, I’m here for a few years, and I go along with you through your life. In the last two timelines, you committed suicide at age 17.

The only word to exit her imaginary mouth was: Why?

The first two timelines, your powers surfaced in front of cameras, and S.H.I.E.L.D took you captive. I don’t know what happens when they have you, you stay in a locked room that not even I can break into. Eventually, you reemerged a new person. You were like the winter soldier, reprogrammed to act as they wanted you to. You went on to be on part of the television program for S.H.I.E.L.D agents. You and I met one day by chance, during one of your missions Thor was visiting is wretched mortal girlfriend, and he insisted I come along. He practically dragged me with him and while the two of us were out in some cafe, a terrorist attack occurred. Of course, the bomb did no harm to me, but a concrete pillar was going to fall on me. I would have been marginally unaffected, but you ran at us and tackled us both anyway. We landed on the floor and you froze the pillar moments before it would have hit us. Then, you shattered into dust. You saved not only us, but four other civilians.

Why’d you go back in time?

Thor ended up forcing me into a date. Even when I asked to go back via Bifröst, Heimdall didn’t allow me to return. The Agent named Coulson got you to agree somehow, and Thor and Jane joined us on a “double date” in an attempt to make things less awkward. It didn’t work since all they really did was make out like some common folk, and the only thing we seemed to have in common was our mutual complaining about them. Apparently, you thought I was funny. S.H.I.E.L.D arrived to pick you up, you couldn’t stay out for too long unsupervised apparently, and just as you were about to leave, you kissed me.

Seriously? I made the first move?

Well, I certainly wasn’t going to kiss you, especially with how bad you were at it.

Hey!

Well, it true. You were horrid.

In her mind, she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. Her hip stuck out as she shifted her weight. Says the one who screwed a horse.

That makes you worse than a stallion.

Kate’s lips pursed. She couldn’t think of a comeback. No u, she thought, her mental words even saying ‘u’ rather than ‘you.’ Before Loki could question her, she continued. By the way, are you showering and talking to me here at the same time? Cause all my focus is here and I’m just sitting still.

She wanted to tune out and focus on the outside world, but she was worried as to where Loki would mentally pry without her permission. Yes, she was a mainly-clean good child of God, but her brain made some very... odd images while she dreamt whether she wanted them or not. Besides, she had her secrets like every other person.

Yes, girl, I’m above you in all ways, remember?

Kate stuck her tongue out at the shower curtain, switching back to her conversation too quickly for him to have found anything within her memories. Look, why don’t we have a Q and A? I’ll ask a question, you answer it, with no off-topic conversation? There’s too much I don’t know.

I don’t see as to why not. If anything, it will keep you from running your mouth.

Kate mentally snarled. He was the only person she had ever met that could match her snark. Question one: why do you need my help? Aren’t you like the most powerful sorcerer?

In all the Nine Realms.

Then why do you need my help?

Loki’s shifted his weight hesitantly. Kate sighed, causing a breeze to blow through the field in her mind and lift his hair the slightest bit.

You assume it to be a physical need.

What’s that supposed to mean?

The thing I need your help with is not physical. It is not a goal that can be reached from killing certain being or destroying a certain item. It is internal.

Well, then stop avoiding it and explain what it is.

Very well. Magically, Loki waved his hand and summoned a device, most likely Asgardian, that presented a main, thick line, with two branches at the end. More lines began to branch off to create a weird sideways tree of sorts. He pointed at the main line, which was red. This is the original timeline, where you and I first met.

Mentally, Kate walked up to the device. Her eyes flickered around. I’m assuming the other lines are different timelines?

Correct, mortal, I colored it in the order of your Midgardian rainbow, so you hopefully know which timeline is which.

Kate smiled. Honestly, that was really thoughtful of him. People didn’t usually go out of their way to make her life easier. In fact, she was the one bending over backwards just to account for people’s needs. That was the joy of having a mental disorder that came and went, while others’ were always around. Are we the purple line?

Well, I don’t recall there being a color after purple, is there?

I was just making sure. Kate carefully lifted her hand up, touching the red line where it abruptly ended.

She felt like she was falling while her feet were planted on the ground. Cold electricity zipped through her, and she opened her eyes. She was no longer surrounded by her bathroom, and the sound of the shower was a thing of the past.

Surrounding her was heat. She had never felt so hot before, it was like she was burning from the inside out as the smoke filled her lungs. She coughed and tried to move, but found herself unable.

Black hair fell into her field of vision. That was wrong.

Kate blinked as she ran as fast as she could away from the fire. “Loki!” She heard the tell-tale sound of Thor call Loki’s name and she spun. He spun his hammer and flew into the air, grabbed her across the chest, and flew away from the lava consuming the place she was in–wherever that was.

Thor narrowly carried her out of the building, the giant golden doors melting moments after her escape. Her mouth opened without her intent and words exited her throat. “Where is Kate?”

Her voice was low and hoarse.

“She was with Frigga in the gardens.”

She nodded and began navigating the burning ruins as best as she could. The fire had not yet spread to this part of the golden castle but it most certainly would. She only had a few moments.

She climbed up a balcony and was running across the marble and around furniture when she saw it out of the corner of her eyes. Someone was freezing the lava, or at least attempting to, in order to allow the people to escape across the Bifröst and to most likely Earth, where safety lay.

Kate stopped and jumped off the balcony and ran towards the Bifröst. As she grew closer, she saw herself, older, yelling at the Asgardians to “get their asses into high gear unless they want to die a fiery death of pain and suffering.”

“I am your reckoning, Asgardians!” A voice boomed above her head.

Kate’s eyes went wide as a giant sword of fire and magma swept across the land. How she–well, Loki–had escaped the castle was a miracle, but getting everyone out would be even more of one.

An entire wave of lava the size of one of the now-melted doors was frozen in place, the rock rapidly cooling in an arc. It was only useful to an extent, however, as the lava heated the rock below it and melted the ice. It began to drip as Kate continued to freeze it. Icy sweat dripped down her forehead as she gritted her teeth. If this giant wave broke, no matter how slow the lava moved, people would meet their demise.

From the aerial angle, Kate could see a giant crack break through one of the top layers. She narrowly avoided a burning tree and reached herself. She tackled herself and narrowly saved her from a giant chunk of ice that would have fallen on top of both of them. Lava spilled from the hole and cracks echoed through the thick ice.

“Loki! Get them out!” the Kate below her barked.

The crowd was beginning to thin into safety, some people escaping on spaceships most likely from the castle.

“No unless you’re coming with me!” she said, scrambling off of herself to get away from the hot lava. It burned her even from the distance they were at.

Kate wanted to puke. It sounded like something from a dystopian novel where the world was coming to an end.

Oh, wait.

Kate was ripped from her thoughts as herself kicked her in the gut and pushed her towards the people fleeing. “If I come with you, that flaming sword is going to kill all of us! Stop being selfish and go!”

There were tears in the eyes of the women in front of her, and her own vision was a little blurry.

“Go!”

Kate turned and ran off. Her throat felt thick. She reached the people and helped lead everyone into the Bifröst and ships. Once everyone was safe, she turned to get herself. Where was she?

Her eyes flickered across the fiery world that used to be her home. A small dot was running from the sword of magma, no, running along it.

What the Hel was she doing?

“Thor!” she called, her hair flying in her face and getting caught in the sweat on her forehead. Thor ran off the ship, following Kate’s gaze until he found her target.

Thor spun his hammer, flying off into the air to get her to safety. In the distance, Kate saw herself running along and jumping to and from the rocks that weren’t burning. The humid air was being sucked into her hands and transformed into ice on her fingertips, allowing her safe travel through the heat.

The sword swung through the air and just as Thor was about to catch Kate, a fiery hand slapped her like a mere fly.

Squish.

The hand of magma rose. Kate was gone.

Pain spiked through her chest, and her chin shook. She didn’t know whether the tears were from the pain in her chest or the immediate and strong sensation of loss in her heart. It was like Jake had just died and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She was completely powerless and so… small. The feeling was going to consume her, just as the giant wave of lava above her head would have if not for Thor, who scooped her up and took her through the Bifröst too fast for her to resist.

Kate opened her eyes to find tears streaming down her cheeks. She could barely breathe through the snot clogging her nose and throat. She hiccuped and sniffled, wiping away the salty droplets from her chin. She stared at the wall in front of her. What was she supposed to say?

Kate decided his name would be good enough and whispered: “Loki?”

#fanfic #fanfiction #loki #loki fanfic #loki fic #Loki Laufeyson #loki (marvel)#marvel #marvel agents of shield #marvel fanfiction #S.H.I.E.L.D.#Project Phoenix #Project Phoenix Chapter 5 #The Alternative

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

Text

Alright, I'm gonna try to make this quick because I'm really fucking tired but we'll see. So, today. Guess what?? I'm fucking exhausted and I feel like I can't get my mind to stop going a million fucking miles an hour. I'm definitely going to end up discussing this with my psychiatrist next month when I go home. Ugh. I'm so sick of this shit. But anyway. Alarm went off at 11:10 and I got up and got ready, and went to school like the good little schoolchild I am. LARC was fine, more interesting than some of the other classes of it because we were talking about oral arguments since we're gonna have to do one of those soon (sigh). I'm gonna have to get started on the motion and memo that's due next week tomorrow since I'm gonna end up in mock trial land for all of next weekend. Lovely. But it shouldn't be too bad hopefully, I think I have a pretty good grasp of what I need to write, so it should be alright. After class I went right to th library to print out an extra copy of the updated version of my direct for mock trial. Since we were scrimmaging the other half of our own team tonight our coach was playing all the witnesses and she needed a copy of the answers we wanted of course, and I'm not totally memorized on them because I've still been moving around questions and shit like that, so I needed a copy as well. Got that done, dropped my bag in the PAD office and ran off to do a very abbreviated gym run. I left school around 2:55, and the scrimmage started at 4:30, and we were supposed to be set up and ready to go at that point. So I run down the street to the bus, by the time I get to the gym it's like 3:10 so I work out till like 3:50, mostly just doing the machines and not getting on the exercise bike. I was trying to do the abdominals more without overdoing it again and I think I did okay with it though I did feel a little iffy about it afterwards it's mostly gone away so I think I'm alright. By 3:50 I headed out and hopped on the bus back, stopping to have a conversation with the homeless girl that's down at the corner of Michigan avenue sometimes and has all this cool artwork she's done all the time, we've spoken a few times and she's pretty nice. Get back to school, grab my stuff from the PAD office and head up to the classroom we're scrimmaging in. Our coach ends up being a few minutes late (train delay) and then one of the prosecution people got stuck doing something for work (she works for the school, so they can't really fault her for that). But we ended up getting started after not too long, motions in limine went very well actually now that I actually knew what I was doing, although we'd later see some confusion as to what exactly the ruling was on the damn text messages. It's really annoying because the problem has a bunch of stipulations on certain evidence getting admitted which would NEVER get admitted in any court room but needs to be for the problem, so it's like I can't make this argument really but I still want to show that I know how to make it but it's also futile so ??? It's really fucking annoying, lol. But we got past those, I gave the opening perfect from memory, stumbled over a few words but was very notably telling myself to slow down, and it was still too fast I know but it was an improvement at least. I just talk way too fucking fast, really. We had a guy who graduated last year (with our coach) as our guest judge, and he was fairly amused by the whole thing and the idiosyncrasies of the problem and how ridiculous they really are. I had to slip out for a few minutes at 5:30 to attend the PAD e-board meeting, just to be like "yeah the event went well and we'll do something for next month" so that happened while the prosecution was putting on their first witness that my partner crossed. Ugh, my partner. I'm trying not to get frustrated with him because I know he doesn't know any better and that's really not his fault, but HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE'S DOING AND IT'S BAD. Like I'm such a naturally competitive person I'm always gonna want to win but I'm having to tell myself not to go into this competition gunning for first place because it's just not going to happen. I think they score us as a team of 4 too, and the girl on the prosecution side isn't half bad, but their guy is also terrible (though not quite as terrible as my partner, his cross tonight was like fucking hell man). I'm still probably gonna get overly competitive with it but I'm trying to lower my expectations at least. My cross went okay, our coach is suchhhhhhh a frustrating witness, and it's not even like she's doing all this great stuff she's just fucking impossible to get a straight answer out of and I don't think it actually helps their case any but it's just extremely frustrating, so I wasn't all that pleased with that. We went straight into the defense's case and chief, but ended up taking a short break after our first witness. The first of course is the psychologist my partner directs who's totally full of shit and we have to make him look *not* totally full of shit, which is always an interesting task. It was okay though I guess, though as I noted the cross from the prosecution on that was fucking painful (it got to the point where our coach just stopped and was like "you can't ask that question and you [my partner] need to be objecting.") Objections were a whole other mess, I was constantly prodding my partner to object and try to feed him the grounds because if he had to guess he'd just come up with the most bullshit ones that aren't actual objections at all. We took a break then though and I talked to the guest judge a bit who I must say was pretty cute, and while all the other team members and our coach were out of the room he told me I was kicking ass, so that made me happy lol. After that was my direct, which went fine other than more stupid confusion over texts. Closing was alright, I was trying to point things out to my partner to focus on but he just kind of plowed ahead with his own thing. We did notes after, which took about till 8 pm. Most of the ones I got were positive, and the criticisms were on like small things and just how to improve things, so I was pleased with that. Headed home after that, and there was some train confusion about being rerouted to different stops and the conductor was on the loudspeaker like "sorry uh, I'm just getting this info right now" (the poor old guy next to me was so confused) but we did end up stopping at my stop thankfully. I was considering getting ice cream from the shop in town because I felt like I deserved it after today, but when I walked by the line was almost out the door and I just wanted to get home and sit down, so I skipped it for now and just went to the half gallon of chocolate ice cream in my freezer. Got home and heated up some dinner and chilled out for a little bit and caught up on my tv shows. Riverdale first, which I think was my favorite episode of it so far. I continue to totally love Veronica and JUGHEAD freaking broke my heart during this episode. I watched Blindspot next, and had a moment of confusion in the first scene because for some reason I thought I turned on how to get away with murder instead haha but once the actual characters appeared on screen I of course figured it out. This episode was fantastic, Rich Dotcom (yes that's a character's name) was so fucking funny I was constantly quoting him on Twitter and the adventure plot was great too, all around A+ episode IMO, though I would've liked a little more Jane. Oh well. I think I watched Powerless after that, which seeks to be hitting its groove a bit more (or maybe I was just in a positive tv mood tonight) and I liked the episode. Finally I turned to how to get away with murder, which I continue to be very meh about because again, my favorite part of the show by far was the cases and we've gone pretty much this whole season without any real cases. Also, next week is the season finale?? Already?? There's like, so much shit they still need to wrap up its ridiculous, I feel like that's gonna be very hard to do even in a two hour season finale, not that I'm terribly invested in it this point anyway (Wes deserved better, so I can continue watching to hope justice will be done for his character in some form because God knows the writers screwed him over in killing his character off the way they did). And yeah, that about wrapped up my night. Like I said, even when trying to relax I couldn't get my brain to stop feeling like it's going a million miles an hour which makes it very hard to actually relax. Sigh. At least I can sleep in tomorrow, but hopefully not too late (I'm aiming for like, 2 pm) because I do actually have to get work done and hopefully make a grocery run for like, cocoa krispies, frozen chicken, and toilet paper (I'm not kidding, that's actually my grocery list right now). Lovely. Sigh. Sleep now. Goodnight mah people. Happy weekend.

#daily journal #February 2017 #this did not end up being very short #they never do really #I don't know why I still try #*major sigh*

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liesandlibations · 4 years

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Fear and Loathing in Los Santos

*tape recorder clicks on*

"It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child..."

Laughter, cough, cough, spit. Cursing.

No, no, goddammit. That is the intro to Steve Martin's "The Jerk" you asshole, what the fuck are you doing man? Don't come at these people with this kind of weirdness right out of the gate, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Start over.

*tape recorder clicks off*

*tape recorder clicks on, high-pitch rewind squeal*

"Okay, okay, I've got it now, okay. Second take."

Deep breath.

"Tonight on assholes interviewing themselves in the mirror, some fat douchebag failed writer turned clichéd alcoholic talks about himself for hours."

Laughter.

"Fuck. Okay, okay, everything is fine. It's fine. Just get into it already."

So, hey, about me. Uh. I'm a Leo, an INTJ, a Fire Rooster, I've got an IQ that is just shy of about one-sixty depending on how fucked up I am when I take the test, and my favorite color is, believe it or not, Seafoam Green. Not that any of that matters, of course. Is it cool if I have another drink? Thanks. Yes, I realize that was a frightening amount of alcohol but you want to talk about my past, right? That's what it takes then, and here it is.

I was born to an unwed drug-addicted teenage mother in the bad part of the South in about 1980. Before she gave me up, though, she scribbled my name on the birth certificate.

"Memphis."

No idea what she meant by that. Was I conceived there, was she from there? Dunno, to this day the answer eludes me but whatever, the name stuck. I was put up for adoption immediately and really I can't blame her, shit, who could? Stuffed into the state orphanage system as an infant and shuffled around from place to place for a while. Never really stuck anywhere for long, as I was riddled with physical illness and undiagnosed mental problems and generally considered too difficult. One family, according to the records which I unearthed years later, reported me as "possibly demon-possessed" at the tender age of three. Life in the Southern Baptist South, right? Whatever. I bounced from foster home to foster home until I finally just ran from the whole system at about the age of fourteen. Spent some time on the streets and a lot of time on other people's couches. I was too smart for my own good by then, angry at everything, hated the world, and in the very beginnings of a life of mental and emotional issues.

That was when I met the Professor.

I'd made it to Memphis, Tennessee. City of my namesake. The home of Elvis, the Blues, the birthplace of Rock and Roll, and the final stop for Dr. Martin Luther King. A place almost as fucked up as I was at the time. I was broke and homeless when I stumbled into a coffee shop somewhere in the art district, hungry and hoping for a handout.

I saw him for the first time, sitting in the back at a table with a chess board full of pieces laid upon it, wisps of grey hair catching sunlight through the dirty windows, staring at me over thick-rimmed black glasses. He introduced himself, "My name's Robert, but everyone just calls me the Professor," he said. Bought me a sandwich and a cup of java. He had a kind voice and an easy demeanor, was keen to know where I was from and where I was going. I, of course, young and impressionable, consumed both the sandwich and the attention with equal gusto. We talked through the day and into the night, and when he found out I was homeless he offered me a place to crash for a while. We walked down the worn sidewalks of the Midtown neighborhood past homes gently lit from within, on a warm evening, and it felt like things were going to be okay.

When we got back to his house, I was introduced for the first time to methamphetamine and sodomy, both with a startling swiftness.

I stayed with him for three years.

I hated it but what else could I do? No hope, no friends, no prospects. The meth almost made it worth it, but not really. It's an old story but at least I had a place to sleep and regular food, and I think he did care about me in his own fucked up way. His house was full of books, floor to ceiling, and I devoured every word I could get my hands on. All the greats, man: Keats, Hemingway, Bukowski, Thoreau, Kerouac, and finally the king, Hunter S. Thompson. I even started writing a bit, here and there, which the Professor was super critical of, naturally. But I found an outlet in some of the anarchist 'zines from the coffee shop and for the first time I got to experience that totally orgasmic feel that a writer has when he sees his words in black and white print. Seemed some other folks liked those words too, so I struck up a friendship with the local punks and anarchs, which he did not approve of either. Yeah.

Eventually this led to me taking a bunch of his shit and moving out of his place in the middle of the night, into a communal house owned by a punk band who liked my writings. He showed up pounding on the door and demanding to see me, saying he'd ruin me, turn me in to the cops, out me as some kind of whore, the whole nine yards worth of emotional manipulation, sure. But I'd begun to emulate my heroes of the Word by then, so I opened the door and pressed both barrels of a sawed-off twelve-gauge shotgun to his head and told him that if he ever tried to talk to me again I would turn his skull into a fucking canoe.

When I clicked the hammer back, he got the point, and that was the end of that chapter, yes."

Shit. Okay. Need another drink after that. Yes. That's better, it burns going down, right? Where were we?

"So anyway, I started writing in earnest. Throwing words at paper as if my life depended on it, and maybe it did. I had a pretty serious meth problem by that time and the Words helped to keep the wolf from the door. Luckily the anarchists I'd fallen in with were all straight edge, which I have to admit was annoying as fuck but honestly had it not been for them I might not have made it. They were good kids, at the end of the day, and I am forever grateful for their support. This ragtag group of weirdoes with Mohawks and piercings was probably the best family I'd ever had. Good times in the commune, too, writing and reading, crazy concerts every weekend, just thrashing and bashing and letting the anger out. I even had a girlfriend, for a time, and she, being much better organized than myself, managed to get me to a GED and then enrolled at a local college in some writing courses, specifically Journalism. The girlfriend didn't last, of course, I was still pretty much a mess as a human, but the journalism thing stuck with me and I actually accidentally graduated with honors and a metric fuckton of student loan debt. I was writing more and better than ever before and it was glorious, but I needed credit within the industry, and this led to the next, unfortunately darker chapter.

Jesus Cinnamon-Titties Christ, I need another drink.

*tape recorder clicks off*

*tape recorder clicks on*

"HEY THERE BOYS AND GIRLS IT'S TIME FOR WHIPPY THE SQUIRREL!"

Goddammit. I still hate that voice. It's sort of what you would get if you let the Chipmunks smoke crack and then stuffed them in a blender.

Sometimes we do things we regret when we are young, I guess. I was in my early twenties when I snagged my first legal job, a bullshit internship at a local TV Station. Jesus. I showed up all bright-eyed for my four in the AM shift and was handed a threadbare squirrel costume, complete with giant horrifying cartoon head. It reeked of booze and ass. "Morning kids show mascot," they said, "Whippy the Squirrel, beloved icon of local marketable children everywhere," they said, "Learn how to do the voice or you're fired." they said, and that last bit was the important bit. So I spent three hours in a cramped video closet watching reruns of the previous holder of the title, trying to get it right.

Twenty years that poor bastard was the furred whipping boy for this station, and over the time lapse of the video tapes you could see his spirit wither away, slowly crushed by the awful mundanity of his chosen occupation. I found out later he'd showed up to work one morning, taken a little break to go to the dressing room, put the barrel of a .357 revolver in his mouth, and fucking BLAMMO. Cut to "Technical Difficulties" slate, call the cleaning crew, so it goes.

But I really needed the job and the industry credit, so I lit a joint, got really fucking high, nailed the voice, and became the ultimate personification of local televised capitalism and commercial broadcasting. It wasn't really hard. Put on the giant stinking head, trot out in front of a bunch of bored children, try to get them excited about the next magician, clown, or Hannah-Barbara cartoon rerun. It didn't take long for me to fall into the bad habits again, smoking out and drinking heavily every shift just to get through it.

The morning anchor's name was Jane Childes. A forty-something former beauty queen she was, with an older doctor husband, a very expensive set of fake breasts, and a predilection for cocaine. Before the news she would spend thirty minutes on her hair alone and then spend commercials doing bumps off the news desk. During the break between Sunrise News and Morning News, she'd do, well...

Me.

You ever hoover coke off a magnificent pair of middle-aged titties and have hot, sweaty, furry, squirrel sex in a video closet? And then have to go in front of thirty children and their parents and introduce a bunch of goddamned bullshit while reeking of pussy and weed? Of course not, and it went downhill really quickly.

This whole horrible debacle led to a breakdown on television and a general brawl that got me fired. You wouldn't think eight-year-olds could throw down like that, but those little bastards will swarm you. They will climb right up your furry legs and punch you in the balls with all the skill and anger a disgruntled Taekwondo yellow-belt can muster.

I was, of course, quickly and obviously fired. Barely avoided charges on that one, but luckily Mr. and Mrs. Childes were eager to stay away from any sort of public scandal and paid to have the whole thing hushed up. I suppose you could say that was my first introduction to real Old Southern Politics, where everything was about who you knew and how many people were related to you and little else in the way of reason. So it went.

I got a letter in the mail from the Liberty City Courier the very next day, the third most popular newspaper in a crime-ridden city the majority of people hadn't heard of outside of the late night news. Seems they loved my work and wanted to make me an offer. So I sold all of my shit and bought a bus ticket.

"Time for the big time," I thought.

Goddamn, I was naive.

Let's have another drink, shall we? I'm not drunk, you're drunk, shut up. I'm telling this story, you goddamned reflection. Why don't you lose some weight, too? Fat bitch, I hate you. No, no, I didn't mean that. Finish the story and we can both go to bed.

Okay, bottoms up and here we go.

Oh fuck, oh fuck I have the hiccups, shit. OMG I HATE FUCKING HICCUPS. Okay, okay, wait... I'm good. Whew.

Liberty City in the early 'ought's, right?

Fuck.

I would call it a den of sin and iniquity but that wouldn't do it justice. I rolled into the Greyhound station ragged and jittery, too many days off the drugs and hard up for the next thing to prove myself. I grabbed my bag, walked outside, and saw a car fly through the air. It flipped upside down, murdered two pedestrians, hit a traffic light, righted itself, and sailed off into the night with about a hundred cop cars, lights a-flashing, trailing behind. Nobody called an ambulance for the poor smashed unfortunates, either, they just laid there as my taxi pulled up to take me to the low-rent apartments that the paper was paying for.

I was, at the time, unprepared for that kind of mental clusterfuck and had a bit of a breakdown in the car. My cabbie, who I think was some kind of Russian from his accent, laughed.

"Welcome to Liberty City, my friend," he said, as he wove in and out of traffic at a terrifying pace. I got to the apartment, locked the locks with a trembling hand, and called in to the paper. They wanted me to report at six in the AM. Fortunately I'd had my new cabbie friend stop off at a local liquor store and the fifth of Jack Daniels I'd procured got me through that night.

It wasn't easy, but nothing was easy.

Except maybe dying, in Liberty City.

I started at the Courier the next day. Covering the crime beat and believe me I made waves right out the door, just by having the audacity to actually talk to the criminals and ask them for their viewpoint. Up until me, I guess the Liberty City Courier was most pro-police-law-and-order and then here I come with my anarchist bullshit, the fucking audacious idea that we examine the society that had led to criminals, consider them as people instead of the usual big bad villains. Having the sheer gall to suggest that the cops might be the bad guys too. The old dogs in the bullpen hated me and I don't blame them. Some dumbass kid from the South with a weird haircut and the wrong clothes rolling up in their turf questioning the very fabric of the very normal kind of journalism they practiced? Very much an asshole, no doubt.

But when I broke that story about corruption in the LCPD, and it went national, no one could deny me.

The public, oh the ignorant and so easily distracted public, they ate it up. Bear in mind this was the late nineties, right? Anti-heroes were in full effect and my kind of crude yet poetic narrative was having its day. Sure. I got invited to the best parties by criminals and celebrities, vast displays of decadence on yachts and in underground clubs everywhere. I was a hot ticket, for a minute. I even managed to get a new girlfriend, yeah, a lovely, uh, a perfect, a...

A goddamned angel, and no mistake.

Shut up, shut up. It's okay. Moving on.

Anyhow. I got in pretty good with some local heavies. Not as difficult as you would think, nobody loves to talk about themselves more than criminals. What's the point of being smarter and harder than anyone if you can't somehow tell everyone that you are? All I had to do was listen and write the words I heard, at the end of the day. Sure, a little embellishment, maybe a punch-up here and there. Change the names to protect the innocent (not that anyone was, of course), and then BLAM you have a newspaper article, then a column, and then a book, and then it all kind of went wrong in the worst way.

Shit. Okay, wait. I just need another drink. It's okay, just, ahem, it's okay.

*tape recorder clicks off*

*tape recorder clicks on*

Heavy sigh.

Okay, let's get into it.

I published my collected articles with a major publishing house and we titled it, "Fear and Loathing in Liberty City."

It went to the top three on the NYT Top Ten Publishing list immediately and stood there proudly for two weeks.

Nobody remembers that now, of course, and there is no reason they should. I wish it hadn't gone as far as it had.

See, it seems that some crime lords, arrogant and narcissistic fucks that they are, don't appreciate it when you publish a book in which they feature heavily (even if names are changed), and they are described in a less than favorable light and maybe with words like: "weak-ass Nancy-boys", "useless mentally-challenged fucknuts", or "punk-ass exploitative shit pimp beta fucks".

Well, sure, they get a bit pissed-off at you. Some of them. Well, okay, one in particular.

Sergio Antoine.

Eh.

So there was this mostly-unheard of gang of criminals on the Southside, right? Second-hand punks, mostly, pseudo-bikers. Garbage white-trash meth-heads, low-level drug dealers, pimps, and so forth. Called themselves the "Southside Desperadoes" and owned a three-story warehouse they'd converted into a sketchy strip club named "The Platinum Pony", which was basically a front for their meth and prostitution rackets. Their leader was an ugly bastard that fancied himself as some kind of made man with the local Mafia (none of which, mind you, knew who the fuck he was). Sergio Antoine. He wore expensive clothes and watches, drove Italian sports cars, and wore ridiculous hair pieces.

I swear to God, every time I saw him he had a new look. Short hair, long hair, dreadlocks, shaggy bush, high and tight, loosey-goosey, everything. Couldn't really make up his mind and he ran his gang about the same way. They were drug-lords one week, pimps the next, an MC biker club the week after. Pure chaos. But I managed to ingratiate myself just enough to get access to the inner circle and after that it was a real awakening as to the ways and means of the Liberty City underground crime scene. That formed the basis of "Fear and Loathing" and most of my articles thereafter. I told the club what I was doing, of course, transparency in journalism and all that, but when the book hit, well, they took exception.

Especially Sergio.

Look, I will acknowledge that I didn't exactly describe him in flattering terms, okay, but everything I said was a hundred percent accurate. That probably made it worse. Don't poke the ego-driven narcissistic bear, right? But look here; these people were not good people, they were psychopaths almost to a man, exploiters of everything around them, murderers when they found it convenient and just overall terrible, terrible shitlord human beings. Bad as it was, every single word I wrote about them was true. I just wish it hadn't...

Well, I mean I should have known it would...

I...

Fuck.

I need another drink. Standby.

*tape recorder clicks off*

*tape recorder clicks on*

Her name was Sarah.

Yeah. Before all this really hit its stride, I'd gotten just well enough known at the Courier that I'd been assigned an assistant. Some young, plucky, college intern, much like I'd been once upon a time. We hit it off, she was amazingly competent at all the things I was not and for my part I was a hopeless wreck of a human being. We bonded over drinks and a predilection for old punk bands and one thing led to another and then my book hit (which never would have happened without her help) and we got engaged and the local press made a big deal of it and we were in love and that should have been the part of the story where the fucking narrator says, "they lived happily ever after" and the end of it.

*extended silence*

Goddammit.

*cough*

Sorry, sorry. We were walking out of a trendy downtown restaurant when a car rolled up on us and gunfire erupted from the windows. I found out later that Sergio had ordered the hit because he felt I'd made him look weak in the book. I took one bullet in the shoulder and one in the knee. Sarah took three in the chest.

I held her, um, hmm. Sorry.

I held her while she died.

Um. I need a minute, okay?

*tape recorder clicks off*

...

*tape recorder clicks on*

So, yeah. Okay.

When I got out of the hospital I went on a bit of a bender.

I mean, like, some epic Greek-hero level shit. Total blackout. I dropped a ton of money on coke, meth, booze, pills, everything. Whatever I could shove into my stupid brain to make it forget the pain, right? Still don't remember anything, and that's probably for the best because I woke up in a cornfield in Iowa three weeks later, wearing a powder-blue dress and one sock. Drug my hungover ass out of the field and down the road until I could hitch-hike into the nearest town, get some breakfast and check the feeds. Iowa locals don't even blink about this shit, too many years in the middle of America and everybody's cousin has a meth problem. Your weirdness doesn't even make a dent.

But it seemed the Platinum Pony had mysteriously burned to the ground in the time I'd been out. Multiple dead, all members of the gang. Sergio himself had been found in the back, in a safe room, almost untouched except for a hole in his head the size of a train tunnel. What survivors there were reported an attack by a demon, a figure dressed in a squirrel costume with a high-pitched voice that terrified them as it hunted them one by one, relentlessly murdering everything it encountered with a sawn-off shotgun.

I've no memory of any of that time, of course.

But I did wonder.

So I got my shit together, such as it was, and sold it off to pay for my ticket home. Went back to the Tennessee hills and got me a little cabin up on the top of an Appalachian mountain. Spent my time collecting royalty checks from book sales, drinking moonshine, smoking meth, and hitting on local moonshiner's nubile daughters who might have read one of my books on the down low. I had my reasons, of course, I'd promised my publisher two more books and they'd already tried lawyers to no avail. I feared they would try hitmen next, ditto for the gang scene in Liberty City, who have large egos and long memories.

So I went to ground, grubbing it out on the top of a mountain. No contact with the outside world, just me and the booze and the meth and the occasional young lady with a passion for literature.

It was not the best life, but it was good enough for me at the time, yes.

Fast forward to now, though.

Two things happened, really, that got me off that mountain. Firstly, I couldn't write. It's fucked up, but too much clean air, too much sunshine, trees, grass, squirrels and whatever the fuck, it broke me. It was too easy goddammit. My brain could not deal, and thus no words. I was hamstrung by bliss, I think. Secondly, the money ran out. Surprisingly enough, moonshiners and meth heads don't give credit. So I drug my dumb blissful ass off the mountain and down to the city, made some phone calls to some contacts in the newspaper world, checked the feeds, and found out that Los Santos was the newest hottest criminal hotspot in the world. I felt it too, that vibe, when I stepped off the bus. That feeling that you could die at any time, strike sparks anywhere, and hammer the fiery words of the gods onto paper.

Los Santos smells like gunpowder, diesel fumes, and blood.

And somewhere in my soul, the old Muse stirs.

I'm here to write words. I'm older now, the reflexes aren't what they used to be, but I think I still have some stories left in me. This is the last ride for this old dog journalist, and I aim to make it count, to leave a legacy, whatever it may be, written in the stars of the universe and hopefully at least two books worth of shit because the publishing house is still after my ass for that contract. It's okay though, I know this music and I remember the steps to the dance. The next chapter of chapters starts here, and words are coming easy in Los Santos.

But if I've learned anything, it's that nothing is ever easy.

*tape recorder clicks off*

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lolainblue · 7 years

Text

Thunderbirds Chapter 19

T/W: I wrote it, so there’s language and references to people touching other people’s bathing suit zones. And drinking.

“Wake the fuck up Shan.”

Jared gave the end of the bed a hard kick and I started to think I was stuck in the worst Groundhog's Day ever. But this time there was no doubt about whether I had sobered up yet; I was still thoroughly drunk. After the shower, trying to sleep off the whiskey and the shitty day, I had passed out in my boxers. Judging by the state of my head that hadn't been that long ago. I stuck my head under the pillow and was about to tell Jared to get lost when I heard a giggle. Fucking hell. I was blind drunk and in my underwear and there were obviously people in the room. I grabbed a pillow and pulled it into my lap as I sat up.

“What the fuck Jared. Haven't you done enough damage for one day?” He was standing next to my bed with two pretty women who were probably even drunker than I was. There was a brunette in tight jeans and a cut-off t-shirt and a blonde in a skintight blue dress. They were hanging on him and giggling, and all three of them seemed to be swaying just a little bit. I wasn't sure if that was my head or if was them.

“Is this him?” the brunette asked. “He's hot.”

“This is him,” Jared answered, and that time I'd swear he was actually swaying. “Girls, meet my brother Shannon. Shannon, this is Amy,” he said, gesturing to the brunette “And, uh....” He paused while looking at the blonde. She just kept giggling and waited for him to remember her name. “Kristin? No Kirstin!” he finally said triumphantly.

Kirstin sat down on the bed next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Jared told us all about what that awful girl did to you,” she said, running her hand up and down my arm. I wonder what that story looked like when Jared told it. I gave him a nasty look but he just shrugged it off. “So, we came to help cheer you up.”

Amy sat down on my other side and kissed my shoulder. Oh for fuck's sake. I tried to clear my head. I knew this was just piling one bad decision on top of another, but that was easy to do when bad decisions got delivered to you like room service. I turned to tell Kirstin that maybe this wasn't the best night, but just like that someone's tongue was in my mouth and someone else's hand was in my boxers and I figured if I couldn't drink away the misery maybe I could fuck it away. It wasn't like I could be unfaithful to a woman who was engaged to someone else right? I dropped the pillow and grabbed hold of Kirstin, the one with her tongue down my throat. As I pushed her back onto the bed I heard Jared close the door behind him.

When I woke up again at least it wasn't to Jared kicking the fucking bed. But then again I was realizing I wasn't in a bed, I had passed out on the floor at some point and now had a mouthful of hotel carpet. I sat up to see Amy and Kirsten balled up together on the bed. The ringing in my head and the shitty way I felt on seeing them told me my little plan to distract myself had failed spectacularly. I got up and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get rid of the taste of whiskey and self-loathing. Odd how often the two went together.

I woke the girls up and told them in no uncertain terms it was time to go. They were too hungover themselves to protest much and soon I was locking the door behind them. I climbed into the hot shower and stood there until my skin was almost raw, wishing I could just crash back into bed and sleep the day away. But it was getting late, and it was a wonder no one had been to my room to get me up already. We had interviews and sound checks scheduled and I needed to get something on my stomach. I dressed and headed down to the hotel restaurant.

The guys were already there, although it looked they had mostly finished eating. Their plates hadn't been cleared yet and there was a basket of biscuits sitting in the middle of the table. I took one as I sat down and laid my head on the table while I waited for my coffee.

“How was your night?” Jared asked with a snicker. I didn't even bother acknowledging him. He had his laptop out but was he was talking to Matt. While I ate my biscuit I got an idea.

As soon as I finished my coffee I grabbed Jared's laptop and headed to the small guest office facilities off the hotel lobby. I hooked the laptop to their internet connection and opened a web search. I had been feeling like I was two moves behind whatever chess game Jared and Jane were playing but it was time to catch up. I entered Jane's name in the search bar.

Most of what came up was reviews for her new book (overwhelmingly positive, and from the little I had gotten through yesterday, well deserved) and references to some anthologies she had put together and published. This was nice, but not helping. With a little twist in my gut, I typed the word 'engaged' after her name and started a new search. Now I had his name: Angus McArdle. One more search and a whole new picture emerged. No wonder Jane hadn't wanted to tell me about the guy.

As far as I could tell, the whole “foreign correspondent” thing was just some sort of hobby. Good ol' Angus was the son of some rich hoity-toity Australian family and from the looks of things his actual job was jetting about to private islands or showing up at fancy events in tuxedos with elegantly dressed women on his arm. The term 'millionaire playboy' would not have been a stretch. There were older pictures of him with a few models and some Aussie actress I had never heard of, but there were pictures of Jane there too. The older ones mostly referred to her as “unnamed female companion” or “unidentified lady friend” but the more recent ones identified her by name as his fiancee. He was apparently quite the catch. Rich, handsome, well-educated, from a good family, and Jesus, how tall was this guy? I swear he looked like was about 6'3”. He was like the anti-Shannon. If this was what she was into now I was done for.

Jared came into the office as I was scrolling past pictures of Mr. Perfect and Jane sunning themselves on a beach in Bali. She had on the tiniest little black bikini and she looked amazing. Even better than when I had known her in L.A.. But I guess she was quite the catch herself. Even if she hadn't known it at the time, I had realized that first night that she was out of my league. The years had just proven me right.

“What the fuck are you doing bro?” Jared said from behind me. I just kept scrolling. Jared reached over and closed the laptop. “Well, at least you see what you're dealing with now. Left you pining away while she scrounged up a sugar daddy.”

I really did not want to deal with more of Jared's bullshit today. “Really? That's what you took away from that?”

“Joke will be on her the first time someone leaks pics of him and his mistress on that same beach,” Jared said disdainfully.

I whirled around in my seat. “Okay man, what the hell is your deal with Jane all of the sudden? You haven't mentioned her name in probably a year, and now you're being all nasty about her. Why do you even care? What is actually going on here?”

“She's shown her true colors, Shannon." he said.

“By getting married to a great guy?”

“Yeah, I'm sure it's true love," he sneered. "Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the expensive vacations or that huge rock he put on her finger or the house he's building her. She'll do what it takes to get what she wants. That should have been clear to you when she slept with you to get to me. But for some reason, you don't see her for what she is. I thought you'd come to your senses eventually but you're just as bad as ever.”

“She's right. You're still not over her picking me over you. I didn't think you even liked her that much.”

“I am over it, it's not about that. I didn't care about that two-faced little bitch then and I don't now.”

“She's not who you think she is Jared.”

“Maybe," he replied, "but she's definitely not who you think she is either.”

I rubbed my hand over my face. I was suddenly so tired of all of this. I just wanted to go back to two days ago when I was just fine with my fucked up life. Better than fine. I was enjoying every minute of it. Screw Jared and screw Jane. I was done with all of this.

Two weeks later I was asleep in my bunk when my phone rang. Groggily I answered.

“Shannon? I'm sorry if I woke you. It sounds like I woke you.”

Shit. “Jane?” She was the last person I had expected to be calling me. I really didn't think I'd ever hear from her again. She must have kept my number when I called her the first time.

“Yeah, it's Jane. How are you?” There was a pause on the line before she continued. “I was hoping you would call again.”

She was hoping I'd call again? After I made an ass of myself the last time and made her cry? “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” she replied. I could hear the confusion in her voice. It didn't slow me down any.

“Why did you want me to call? Everything in your life is perfect. I'm just a speck of dust so far in the rearview mirror I'm surprised you still remember my name.”

“What the hell, Shannon? Did you just wake up really bitchy? Because I remember our last conversation sounded a whole lot different.”

What the fuck was I doing? She called you, Shannon. She called you. Fucking talk to her. “Yeah, maybe." I took a deep breath and started again. "What's up, Jane?”

“I just wanted to talk to you.” For the first time, I heard the tone of her voice. She sounded tired and a little sad. “Tell me what you're doing.”

We were only a few sentences in but this whole conversation was giving me a weird feeling. I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't imagine what she wanted. So I just answered her question. “Sleeping. I'm on the bus and I was sleeping.”

“Oh. I'm sorry.” She definitely sounded down. I wondered what was actually going on. “Should I let you go?”

I peeked my head out of the curtain to see if it looked like anyone else was listening but I was the only one back in the bunk area. “No. I'm up now. It was just a nap. How are you?”

She sighed. “Exhausted. This whole leg is really over scheduled and I'm not sleeping and I really need a day off.”

Showing all the conversational finesse of a toddler I went straight for what I thought was her weakness. “Why aren't you sleeping?”

Silence. There was a lot of silence in my conversations with Jane, but I think more was said in those silences than the actual words. “Stress, I guess,” she finally answered but I think we both knew better. “I thought I understood what I was in for with this book tour, it sounded like the most boring thing ever but I'm so tired and lonely.”

I hadn't thought about that. I had Jared and the guys but who did Jane have? “Isn't there someone traveling with you?” I asked her.

“No. There's a host that meets me in each city that picks me up from the airport and drives me to things but other than that I'm on my own.”

“I bet you miss Angus,” I said, trying not to sound too bitter.

“I'm used to him not being around much,” she said. “I miss Roger but I'm kind of used to him being gone all the time too.”

I hadn't even asked what he was up to. “How is Roger? Where's he gone to all the time?”

“He's good. He's been working in Europe a lot. Trying to decide what to do next. He's been really smart with his money from the beginning so it's not a huge deal but he's getting a little old for the runway stuff and it's all bound to slow down for him soon.”

Again there was silence. The gulf between us was huge and although I think we both wanted to close it I don't think either one of us had a clue how. “I read your book. It was really good.”

“Oh. Thank you.” She didn't sound very excited. “Did you guys play last night? How was the show?”

“Great. Really great crowd.” This conversation was going nowhere. I took a deep breath and jumped back in. “So, I looked up Angus.”

“Oh good lord....” Jane mumbled. But I had already walked through the door, I wasn't going to quit now.

“I see why you didn't want to tell me about him. He's quite the catch Jane. Well done.”

“Shannon I don't know what you think you know, but trust me...”

I thought about what Jared had said. I wondered if he was the one that had the real handle on this situation. “So you're just going to follow him around and write, huh? Seems to me I made you a similar offer. I guess mine didn't have enough zeros behind it.”

“That's not how it is.” Jane's voice was tight, clipped. “I knew you would start making assumptions. That's the only reason I didn't tell you more about him.”

“Then tell me how it is Jane. I want to know.” I did. If she was happy, in love, I wanted to know. I wanted that for her. But if it was anything but, I felt like I needed to know that too, even if the truth was ugly. I just needed to understand.

“We met at NYU,” she finally responded. “We sat next to each other at a Saturday writing workshop. The workshop was terrible but we got to talking and just hit it off. We started seeing each other for lunch a few days a week, then hanging out together more and more. We were just friends. We took a few vacations together, he brought his girlfriends along on some of them, I took a guy once. He took me back to Australia to meet his family. All as friends. For years.”

I silently wondered if she had just been biding her time, waiting for a chance to get her hooks into him. Jared was getting into my head. She continued. “About two years ago it changed, but it was really just a friends with benefits thing. There was no romance, just...”

“Fucking.” I filled in the blank she was unwilling to. She didn't acknowledge me.

“Eventually though he started to want more. Started taking me out on proper dates, wanted to refer to me as his girlfriend. But....”

The silence again. I hoped the blank that needed filling in here was that she was still too hung up on me but I was too chicken to say it.

“I went along with it for a while. I really did like him, like I said he's a great guy.” And then she said it. “But I was still too hung up on you. I think all along I had just been waiting for the day I turned a corner and there you would be.” I heard the catch in her voice that by now I knew meant she was about to start crying. Jane had always been a crier, she was a soft little marshmallow that wore her heart on her sleeve. I felt like dirt. How could I have ever thought she would be capable of the things Jared was accusing her of? Deceit on that scale seemed way beyond her. “But it never happened. And here was this great guy, who was just crazy about me, who wanted more. I figured fate needed a little help. But I didn't have any way to get to you. I thought maybe I could show up where you guys were playing one night, wait around with the groupies, maybe somehow get your attention. But when I looked online....”

Yeah, we both knew the next part. I hoped she wasn't going to say it again. “He ended up getting pretty serious. And his family was pressuring him to settle down, they were getting tired of the gossip column items. They would have liked me better if I came from a more well-to-do background, but they liked me a lot better than his other girlfriends. So we decided to get married.”

This was ridiculous. “Jane, nowhere, in any part of that story, did I hear “and I just fell so in love with him”. You didn't answer me when I asked you the last time either. You are not in love with him at all, are you? Do you know how fucked up that is?”

I heard the sniffles on the other end of the line. Yeah, she was definitely crying now. I waited for her to compose herself and answer. It took a long time. “I love him as a friend. He knows I'm not in love with him. He just doesn't know why.”

I could feel the lump in my own throat. I swallowed it down and summoned up the courage to ask. Please let her answer be the one I need to hear. “Why Jane?”

I listened to her crying while my heart stuttered wildly. Maybe this wasn't over after all. I had lost all hope after my internet sleuthing attempt, I didn't think there was any way I could compete with this guy, but maybe I didn't have to. Maybe he was the one that had to compete with me. “Why Jane?”

“Because I'm in love with you. Still. Probably always.”

Yes! I felt like I had just scaled a mountain. “Then don't marry him. Fuck, Jane. I'm telling you I still love you. I'm telling you I want to be with you. You just admitted you're in love with me. So what the hell are we doing?”

She stayed on that line crying, not answering, for at least a good ten minutes. I was not about to hang up or give up though. I held the line and waited.

“Where are you?” she finally asked. “I've lost track.”

I had no idea. I leaned out of the bunk and yelled towards the front of the bus. “What's the next stop?”

“Tonight is Boise,” Tomo answered.

“Apparently Idaho,” I told her.

“I'm in Texas.” she laughed. “I guess even broken hearts are bigger in Texas.”

She really hadn't given me an answer. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She had stopped crying but her answer was so quiet, she sounded even more fragile. “I don't know how to get out of this Shannon. I don't know what to do. This wedding is a big deal...”

“You call him up and you tell him the wedding is off. That's how you get out of it.”

“No one is going to understand.”

“It shouldn't matter. Either you love me or you don't.”

“Indianapolis is in 10 days. I'll figure this out. I promise.”

The silence settled in again. I wasn't sure what she meant by figure it out. I didn't understand how she could tell me she loved me and marry someone else. None of this made a damn bit of sense. I needed to see her, and I didn't want to wait 10 days to do it.

“Where are you next?” I asked.

“Nowhere near where you guys are going to be and I don't have any off days until the beginning of July. Indianapolis is the 5th. That's the best we can do. But I will be there, I promise." She got quiet again. "Shannon if I'm going to tank my whole life for you, you damn well better be sure that's what you want.”

I hadn't thought about it like that. I hadn't thought about her side of things much at all. Being married to a guy who was a good friend, who was crazy about you and could give you the things Angus could really wasn't that bad of a deal. I guess I could see why she might have agreed. Was I just going to fuck her life up like I did my own? Everything I touched seemed to fall apart. It hadn't been that way with Jane though. I thought with her I could make it all work.

“I'll be sure. You be sure too. Don't do this if it's not what you want.”

Once again the phone conversation ended with the promise of that meeting. “I'll see you in Indianapolis Shannon. I hope you have a great show tonight.”

I held the phone for a while after she hung up. I knew I needed to get my head straight, get my shit together, and I had 10 days to do it. One thing I knew for damn sure. I wasn't going to tell Jared about any of this.

@msroxyblog @nikkitasevoli @meghan12151977 @snewsome756 @maliciousalishious

#shannon leto fanfiction #jared leto fanfiction #thunderbirds

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