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leydenkilgore · 9 hours

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about scripting… as someone that has shifted 66 times

Part 1: Half is my opinion about script and the other half is a story time from one of my drs. And yes I’ve shifted four more times since that last post.

Scripting is when you have written description of what you want to experience once you’ve shifted. Some people don’t use scripts at all, and some people nearly write another book of the Bible. Both are valid. If you know what you want subconsciously then just deciding where you want to go is enough. The physical reality is just a reflection of your belief systems and desires. So if you don’t want anything bad to happen it won’t happen. However, if you worry obsessively over something awful happening it might manifest in some way. But I wouldn’t worry too much about that as people have intrusive thoughts in this reality all the time and nothing happens. I really wanted to talk about how scripting your desired reality manifests physically. Because when I was first started shifting I didn’t know how real it would be.

I spent about six months in my waiting room a few months ago scripting nearly every place I had been and every day. I’m literally not joking I scripted every day of my life. Now I like scripting, I like writing things and I like shifting. So I had a ton of fun scripting every day, surfing and exploring nature but I wouldn’t do this again. I wouldn’t do this because it begins to foster a relationship with scripting itself rather than shifting. I got way too caught up in making every little thing perfect that I forgot to shift. But the end result when I shifted was everything was exactly as I scripted and better honestly. I remember I had scripted a white church on the sea of the Crimea. I wasn’t too detailed and only included a picture of what I generated in my waiting room. And when I saw it in person it was exactly as I wanted it to be subconsciously even though I had scripted something good enough. While you can script anything, things that you didn’t account for will happen. As long as you assume nothing that happens will be inherently traumatizing to you or anyone else, you’re fine. Of course there will be moments other than what you scripted because it’s an independently operative reality. But everything will happen exactly as you want it to. And not having a finished script is a terrible excuse to delay shifting. Literally trust that everything will be acceptable to you and as you desire. If you’re really obsessively limiting yourself from shifting because you feel a need to script everything then maybe you should evaluate whether you even want to shift or just like world building. Once you trust your subconscious to shift you to exactly where you want you’ll feel a lot better about shifting. I think all the hardship that comes with shifting is more from people being too attached to it. That’s why a lot of people had more luck shifting early in their journey when they had less cards in the game. But as people continually fail they start to latch onto it more by spending time scripting or consistently reading information. If you can just take a deep breath say you already shifted and nothings special about shifting because you do it regularly. You’ll likely reset your journey in a kind of way.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t script at all. I love scripting and still do script in my waiting room. I don’t script in this reality because I like all the tools I have to script in my waiting room. And all of my scripts are finished so I haven’t had to script in a while. And before I shift I just assume that it will be like living inside vintage photos of movie stars off duty or in a Sofia Coppola film. That usually does the trick for everything. Yes you can script people’s words, what they do, what they remember etc. etc. If you can think it you can script it is a general rule. And that applies to everything. You don’t even have to script a physical reality. Once I shifted to just be consciousness for a couple months. All I did was script that I’d never get bored, I’d intuitively know how much time would pass and that I’d entertain myself with my mind. I really liked that experience because it helped me figure out what I wanted out of everything without the distraction of a physical self.

Part 2: This is just a story time from my Medieval Old Russian Royalty Dr that is roughly around 1105 to maybe 1185 to show what I mean by other things happen. It diverges heavily from this modern timeline and is its own interpretation with non period accurate things because i hate shifting to accurate history. So don’t read this if you don’t feel like it.

So I got married at around maybe 20, I think. And I was lucky enough to go far from home just to the nearby Grand Duchy of Kiev. Nearby is a 12 day journey by carriage. After a couple years, I had two sons and lived in the fortress of Kiev with my husband, a small court and my mother in law. (An awful woman). I hate that woman with all my spirit. She’s a miserable hag in every reality. But I was like whatever it’s fine, I’ll deal with it. After my second son, I decided I didn’t want to make a public appearance for quite a while. I was sitting on a window seat in one of the vestibules looking out the window and not doing much. And she passed with her lady in waiting (it’s a different word there) but that’s basically what she is. And she whispered to her that the ‘Princess must exit before the people assume she’s become a locked hog.) Again it’s a different term but hard to romanize because the language is very old. It’s like a mix of Ruthenian and Old Russian but with the importation of a few Chinese characters for some reason. But what makes this so offensive is the context.

So at the time I had two children close together and did not leave the Fortress often except for visits to the orphanages. The surrounding areas of Kiev were known for a very specific type of Hog which they called the Dnipr Hog. I remember seeing them at a farm once on my journey to Kiev. And they stink, make incessant noise and are just rotten little creatures. But they taste really good when they were slathered with honey, and this specific seasoning used in the region. I think it was a ground up grain which is kind of spicy mixed with turmeric. And it would be common to have beets that were caramelized (I scripted in a lot of modern cooking methods), potatoes with rosemary and thyme covered with sweetened butter and really hard salty flat cakes. Anyways I got off track. So calling me a locked hog was a very dirty joke.

I remember I looked at her as she walked away and I couldn’t think of good retort so I let it go. The following days I literally just walked or sat along the wall facing the villages where the people could see me doing my needlework or washing potatoes for soup. I went so far with it I would conduct meetings on top of the wall and no one said anything about it. But they were all kind of stressed out from the tension between me and my mother in law. The wall I had repainted when we moved there because the Fortress in Kiev was a very ugly and decrepit grey stone building with weeds growing everywhere, spiders and an abundance of water crickets coming from the river. I think a lot of the court there hated me because I refused to go inside as it made me sick and I insisted I sleep at the nearby convent instead. Nonetheless me refusing to leave the convent to even see my husband made the whole renovation go by quickly. Quickly in medieval times was like 13 months or a little less.

But afterwards it was such a pretty place that was shiny and white. It’s really was prettier than the Kremlin was where I grew up. But they couldn’t for the life of them get rid of the damp smell that came with heavy rain years. But the stone wall itself is positioned in such a way that you get a good look at the valley and the river. I hated wearing shoes in the summer as they were very stuffy and instead wore a pair of moccasins that my mother made me. They were kind of canvas with a lot of small rocks that she managed to string along into a square shape then attach. The official use of the wall was to defend against intruders with bows and arrows. But I used it more like an open balcony because all the balconies facing the courtyard got no breeze from the river. So I had an assortment of rugs gifted from Constantinople and some of the Caucasus nations my father visited run along the sides so I could walk comfortably. Then I had cushions brought out when I sat on the wall. After walking every day along the wall for maybe two months, she asked me if I had been satisfied with my exhibition. And I didn’t even bother to look at her and just said the equivalent of Quite. A couple years later, she elected to go a convent far away from Kiev. I was very happy. Convents in that reality are so great. I love them. The food is great, they’re all well decorated with big windows, plenty of projects and activities to do and most of the women there are either widowed women or women that just didn’t want to marry. I love it there so much. And I scripted that all convents are like this. More happened but that’s pretty much all that happened with that story. But I could talk about this reality all day. I mean the food, the surroundings, the outfits and entertainment are just the best!

Happy shifting and go shift even if you’re script isn’t done!

#shiftblr #shifting #shifting community #shifting antis dni #sucess story #shifting realities #reality shifting #shifters #shifting stories #shifting script #shifting blog #shifting motivation #shifting diary #shifting tips #shifting consciousness

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poomphuripan · 2 days

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what do you think of the comments on mdl of my stand in calling ming a cheater?

hi nonnie []~(￣▽￣)~* that's actually something i've been thinking to write about because i saw those remarks as well but it is such a controversial thing to discuss. if you don't mind, this discussion post will be filled with mild spoilers of the novel.

!!!!!! novel spoilers warning !!!!!!

alright so first of all, @ineffable-opinions wrote an excellent post about the danmei tropes in my stand-in (which i highly recommend everyone to read). this is a great post as they discussed the white moonlight trope presented in my stand-in.

i don't consider ming, a cheater because as i see it, tong was simply ming's white moonlight. ming never established a physical nor emotional connection with tong, throughout his time knowing joe. tong was always an idealised fantasy, he's mistaken it for it to be love. in other words, i see it as ming looking up tong like a delulu fanboy with an idol crush than him actually having any substantive feelings for tong ever. i mean if you had a partner that looked like a kpop idol, and sex with your partner makes you feel like you're achieving your sexual fantasy, are you cheating on your partner? maybe? maybe not? probably controversial and debatable question but for me, i don't consider it 'cheating'. i do think ming took for granted joe's genuine feelings and did not fully appreciate joe's affection (ming you ungrateful bish, repent).

during their time together playing pseudo 'not boyfriends', ming showed that he could be an okay partner. whether it's caring about joe's day at work, how hard joe's job as a stuntman, accepting joe's invitation to accompany him to his wrapped filming party.

i mean it's really bare minimum but that's already quite a lot coming from the dude who's afraid as hell once joe started mentioning the 'faen' word, triggering his self-defense mechanism, depreciating himself trying to claim that joe wouldn't be able to stand him.

i think one of the most obvious example of how afraid ming was to lose this relationship, was him using the word 'faen' in the last breakup fight with joe. this line was very ironic of him to say, because i'm sure even ming knows this line applies more to himself (how in this life, ming won't be able to find a better boyfriend than joe).

i absolutely love ming's emotion progression in ep 4 because it encapsulates perfectly his 21 year old spoiled brat attitude. he was confused when broken up over the phone, then mad and started throwing tantrum trying to get joe to coax him (like joe always does), until he realized it wouldn't work this time and he started frantically begging for joe to stay so they could go back to playing house and being happy.

personally, i don't consider it cheating because by around ep3/4, you can already started seeing ming settling down with the option that makes him "happy". some may even argued that by this point, he has 'recognized' his feelings (not me though, i think he just wanted his simple happiness/domestic bliss back, i still think it's during the period he lost joe 1.0 that he learned what love truly is).

now the most important question of all: is ming cheating on joe 1.0 with joe 2.0 or vice versa?

to quote chapter 63 of Professional Body Double (My Stand-In novel), i think the author puts it best how ming views joe 2.0.

He has fallen to the point of looking for the shadow of that person in a substitute. This is his punishment. When he thought that he was using [Joe] as [Tong]’s substitute, he was not aware of the actual person who had entered his heart. He had failed miserably with this method but still could not help himself from wanting to try. There are no other reasons. Just that he was in too much pain. He can’t endure anymore. He was adamant that [Joe] is not dead but no one could confirm it. That little doubtful voice in his heart is getting louder and louder, but is roughly suppressed by him time and time again. To continually be persistent with this thought, he needed a lot of willpower. He knew better than anyone else. Even if this [Joe] could bring him a little comfort, he wanted to be close to him, just like a long frozen person wanting to be close to a matchstick. This can’t save him… but he couldn’t stop himself from taking that little warmth.

i LOVE this metaphor and this little inner thought of ming we got because we can see how he's very much aware that he's falling right back into the bad habit that got him into trouble in the first place but... he's a fucking fool... who resorts to spiritual shamans for hope...

but also the familiarity he got from joe 2.0 is way too strong to joe 1.0. so for me, i'm seeing it as ming is using joe 2.0 as a means for comfort and relief as well as keeping him close to observe the similarities between him and joe 1.0, rather than viewing joe 2.0 as a replacement for joe 1.0 (because keep in mind, at this point he doesn't know they're the same person yet).

so !!!!!!!!! BIG WARNING of spoilers from the novel !!!!!!!!! if joe had considered joe 2.0 to be a direct replacement of joe 1.0, i don't think he would have had this conversation with joe 2.0 about joe 1.0.

Ming spoke right at this time. His voice sounded very faint and very soft, “Joe, are you hiding something from me?” Joe didn’t know what Ming meant by this. He asked cautiously, “I don’t understand what Khun Ming means.” Ming, “The feelings you give me is too familiar. It’s as if I’ve known you and have lived with you before. Why is this?” Joe forced himself to responded, “Maybe this is fate.” If it wasn’t because they are fated, they would not be in the predicament of today…with a relationship that is so unclear in both past and current lifetimes. “Joe. Tell me….If a person had been missing for more than two years, do you think he may still be alive?” Joe’s tensed up and smiled, “Most likely impossible. If still alive, he would have come back already.” “Why can’t he be alive? It could be that he didn’t come back because he doesn’t want to come back.” Joe is silent for a moment, “Khun Ming, are you talking about the other Joe?” Joe clearly felt Ming’s body stiffened. Then Ming asked, “How much do you know about him?” “I don’t know anything at all. I just heard from what others have said.” Ming quietly asked, “Then do you know what relationship I have with him?” Joe’s heart tightened, What relationship? You say, what relationship? He clenched his teeth in the dark, “I don’t know.” Ming’s voice is like the rising of the quiet abyss, cold and empty, “I feel that he’s not dead. He just doesn’t want to come back.” Joe heard his own voice dissociated from his thoughts and automatically asked, “Why won’t he want to come back?” Ming didn’t respond to his question, instead he tightened his arms around Joe.

i like that in the 2.0 timeline, we got ming learning but also not learning his dumbass mistakes at all. ming learned that he should be upfront about his feelings and be straightforward with his sexual partner, but at the same time he's still impatient, hot tempered and say hurtful things easily.

so i think through and through the second half of the series, you'll see his fidelity to joe (the soul) only. while perhaps it was the shadow of a back that mesmerized ming in the first place, but it's the kindhearted soul of joe that ming truly fell in love with, the person that showed him what love means, the only period in his life where he felt happiness.

you can also check out @befuddledcinnamonroll and @ineffable-opinions discussion on matters of transmigration, attachment of the soul with the body in their excellent posts, here and here. to sum it up, i think up kinda succintly puts it here in this interview.

of course, this is not to excuse dating/fucking anyone who resembles your missing ex but then treating them like they're your object ;_; like i'm just saying i don't think what ming is doing with joe 2.0 can be categorized as cheating (for me). it's something scummy, foolish, dumb, really stupid but... not cheating ┗( T﹏T )┛.

also if you notice, ming doesn't sleep around. surely he could have slept with dozen of nice looking man with similar physique to joe 1.0 to "keep the warmth" if he was that type of dude... but he doesn't... so for me, i see this proposal he has for joe 2.0 is not simply because of a physical attraction/similarity to joe, but it's the vibe/the aura/the ✨energy✨ that joe 2.0 radiates that is too similar to joe 1.0, drawing ming to him again.

tldr: ming is a lot of things but for me, i would never characterize him as a cheater. ming is a scummy, spoiled, arrogant, entitled, hot tempered hi-so brat but also a foolish little crying bag with zero wife-chasing skills. his only tactic is begging and getting his waterworks flowing.

ps: i'm not sure if this ask actually answers your question at all but hopefully some of my thoughts made sense ಥ_ಥ

#msi thoughts #claire opens her goddamn mouth #my stand in #my stand in the series #mingjoe #my stand in novel spoilers #msi spoilers #usersasa #userrlana #userbunn

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rottingcorps3s · 1 day

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Could I get another older man! neighbor!price thing? (maybe some Headcanons or oneshot of them becoming official) I beg of thee!

(Brain went to the one tiktok audio going : KENDRICK!!!! DROP ANOTHER DISS TRACK! AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!)

YES!!! I GOT YOU BBY!! I already had some other ideas brewing, thank you for the ask and hope you like it! \(@^0^@)/

this is angsty at first, but has a happy ending!

continuation of this post…

my personal opinion, i feel that John wouldn’t jump straight into the relationship following your…recent activities…i feel like he’d have doubts, not because of you! not at all! but because of himself. he’d pull away from you, which only lead to things being complicated. it got to a point of him avoiding you where you took it into your own hands and cornered him in his own home.

“why’re you avoiding me?” you asked sternly, your brows furrowed with frustration; hands balled up into fists by your sides. “you come to my home and-and use me and nothing comes out of it?” you were serious, stern, straight to the point.

“i mean-come on john, we talked for hours that night!” you were getting upset now, your lip quivering as you looked off into space, a sad look in your eye as you remembered the conversations.

you had both expressed wanting more than a one-night stand. wanting more than just to ‘mess around’. you had shared similar feelings in wanting to find someone to build the rest of their life with.

john wasn’t sure what to say, too scared that he’ll say the wrong thing. he didn’t want fuck this up. it was too good to be true, and a part of him thought he was being punked. or it was some sort of sick and twisted karma the universe was repaying him with.

“say something!” you spoke again, this time louder than before, but not yelling.

he inhaled deeply before he finally spoke.

“i do want it.” he confessed, his tone sincere, but it wasn’t enough yet. you stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “i just wanna do it right.”

“court you, date you, wine and dine you, however you wanna put it.”

you stood silent for a moment, your frustration seeming to dissipate as you absorbed his words. you simply nodded.

“a heads-up would’ve been great…” you mumbled.

john approached you, slowly, timidly. as if he were trying to tame a cat. you let him, watching him as he reached out for you and held your face in his big hands.

“you sure you wanna be with an ol’man like me?” he asked, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. you rolled your eyes at his question, pursing your lips.

“well not that you mention it…” you pretended to contemplate, resting your finger on your chin. “i wouldn’t of cornered you for an answer if i didn’t!”

he chuckled, a large grin on his face as you smiled sheepishly at him. “let me make it up to you…i’ll do it right this time…”

you agreed.

john showed up at your front door later that night, a small vase of fresh flowers in hand. you tried to hide your smile as you took them from him, running excitedly to put them on your kitchen table for display.

you returned back to where he stood, he looked delicious. he had cleaned up his facial hair, giving it a well needed trim. his hair was freshly washed and styled. he was in something casual, as were you. something cute but still comfy.

john held his hand out to you, which you took. you had opted for an at home date. both of you slightly disgusted at the thought of going to a busy restaurant downtown on a weekend. we’ve got all the time in the world to go to fancy places. you’d said, he agreed. he couldn’t help the feeling of his heart swelling in his chest at your comment.

all the time in the world…

john walked to over to his home, kicking the door closed as you both entered. he was quick to lead you over to the kitchen, where you were met with a dimly lit room and a beautifully set table.

you both immediately dove into the meal, bouncing silly conversations off each other the rest of the time. there was a small break in conversation, john was cleaning up the rest of the meal when you decided to finally ask.

“who was your company the other night?”

john smiled to himself at the mention of them.

“uh-“ he chuckled, “some old coworkers.” he said simply. you listened along.

“from when you were enlisted?” he simply nodded. it was silent again, he looked up to see you staring off into space, clearly thinking something through.

“captain…” he heard you mumble, followed by a small giggle.

“you got that right.” he said, his tone thick with humor, “the boys-“ he stopped, thinking, “they’re jealous.” you looked at him, your face full of question.

“jealous of me.” he continued to elaborate. he was done with cleaning up, sitting down on one of the chairs right next to you.

“jealous that, i got a pretty little bird makin’ me homemade meals…” he continued, you smiled. your cheeks flushing bright red. “comin’ over, wearing a cute li’l sundress…”

the energy in the room seemed to shift as he kept talking, it was powerful. he was powerful. each time he spoke, it demanded attention. he was able to make an entire room of people listen to him.

he was staring at you, more than just your face. his eyes roaming over your entire body.

“they tried your cookies.” he smirked, his hand reaching out to grab your own, gently running his fingers up and down your arm.

“never heard those boys make so many promises to a single person.” it made you laugh.

“i’ll remember to make more next time.” you said. he hummed in response. it was quiet again. comfortable. he was looking at your face again, eyes locked on you.

“you-“ “can-“

you both started to speak at once. stopping to let the other person talk. john’s mouth hung slightly agape, anticipating, waiting for you to say your part first.

the moment was tense. the only thing you could hear was the sound of your breathing.

“john…” you said quietly, gently digging your nails into his forearm as you pulled him towards you.

“i want you so badly…”

YESSSSSS i love using dialog from the first part to mesh it with the second part 😩

#call of duty #cod modern warfare #modern warefare 2 #captain john price #john price #john price x reader #john price cod #captain price #price mw2

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writerslittlelibrary · 2 days

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Hey could I request a kate x autistic sibling where r struggles with social cues and Kate is protective of them?

Get your hands off my sister, drabble

masterlist requests masterlist

pairing: Kate x autistic sister reader

warnings: a guy hitting on reader

genre: fluff

words: 850

a/n: this request stirred something in my head I didn’t know I had. I’ve never written for Kate before but now I’m entirely obsessed with this dynamic! (I generally don’t struggle with picking up social cues, so I tried my best with writing this and I apologise if something isn’t entirely accurate:))

(if your name is Brad, I apologise in advance lol)

(more fics are coming lovelies I promise)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Kate had been your big protector ever since you had joined the family. Being your big sister she had always felt a need to protect you, and when you were diagnosed with autism that feeling only grew. Kate was the person you always stuck close to. You’d be by her side when you had started school, and she had protected you and kept you safe.

When you grew older, and boys started liking you, you were oblivious. They’d talk to you, telling you you were pretty and complimenting your outfits. You never picked up on their intentions, merely smiling and thanking them.

When you got even older, Kate started dragging you to parties and such. You had never liked parties. They were too loud in you opinion, with too many people.

Because of that, you didn’t go with Kate often, staying at home and reading in the comfort of your room. However, this time was different. Kate had told you about a house party that some of her college friends were giving. She had assured you that it wouldn’t be too many people, and that it would be a good party to get out of the house without stepping out of your comfort zone too far.

And so, you had agreed, going with Kate to the college party.

When you stepped into the house, you had immediately felt easy. The music wasn’t too loud, and the people present weren’t swarmed around each other like a horde of bees. Unbeknownst to you it was Kate who had made sure of that.

When you entered, Kate had stuck closely by your side, promising you that if you wanted to leave all you had to do was tell her.

After being at the party for about an hour, you had found you were quite enjoying yourself. The people there were nice, and there wasn’t even one person that was drunk. You had even told Kate you would go and get a drink by yourself, so that she could stay and chat with her friends.

She had agreed and asked you to bring her a drink as well.

However, when you got to the kitching and poured your drinks, you were approached by a guy you hadn’t seen earlier that evening. He smiled as he approached you, asking if you could pour him a drink as well.

You happily did so, nodding your head and pouring him a drink. He took it with a grateful smile, and you figured that was when he would leave. He didn’t.

He stuck close to you and started asking you questions.

“I’ve never seen you at one of these parties before, are you new?”

You shook your head. “My sister, Kate, goes to these parties often. This time she asked me to join her.”

The guy nodded, looking you up and down once or twice. “You’re very beautiful,” he told you.

You smiled. “Thank you.”

The guy nodded, taking a step closer to you.

“How about we get out of here?” he asked, getting a confused look in return.

“I can’t leave without my sister. She is the one who drove us here,” you explained.

The guy shook his head, laughing slightly, thinking you were just teasing him.

“How about we go upstairs, find an empty room,” he suggested.

“Then we would be alone? The party is down here…?” you replied confused.

“We wouldn’t be alone, we’d be together,” the guy continued, getting slightly irritated.

“I don’t know you. Besides, we wouldn’t be able to hear the music upstairs,” you reasoned.

By now, the guy was getting frustrated, grabbing your arm and putting his drink down.

“Are you fucking stupid?! I’m inviting you to come upstairs with me, how hard is that to understand!?” he yelled at you.

You looked shocked at him, shrinking away into yourself as he yelled at you.

“Get your hands off my sister, Brad!” you suddenly heard Kate yell. She must’ve come to look for you when you didn’t return with the drinks.

“Relax Kate, nothing was happening. That freak sister of yours is so goddamn stupid, doesn’t understand a thing-” the guy, Brad, started, before he was rightfully interrupted by a fist to the jaw.

Kate had punched him.

After he fell to the ground, cradling his face in his hands, Kate had taken your arm, leading you back to the car.

“I’m sorry I left you alone, are you alright?” Kate asked after you two were settled in the car.

You nodded, slightly offended at the way that guy had spoken about you.

“What did he mean?” you asked Kate, who simply shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter. How about ice cream?” she asked, starting the car.

You nodded excitedly, reaching for the radio and putting on a song, humming along the lyrics as the car started driving.

Kate glanced over at you once or twice, glad she had gotten there in time. She may not always be there to protect you, but as long as she could, she would happily punch the living hell out of every person that tried insulting you.

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @daddipantherr @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @hor1zond1ar1es @lorsstar1st @superlegend216 @ravensinthedaylight

#kate bishop #black widow #marvel #mcu #avengers #lucky the pizza dog #kate #natasha romanoff #marvel reader insert #yelena belova #kate bishop x sister #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop x sister reader #hawkeye

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ingravinoveritas · 2 days

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Babe not wanting to put more attention on this pathetic person but there’s someone here on tumblr who made a mock account of you

Hi there! I've been debating whether to address this publicly, but I received numerous DMs about this last night and have been made well aware of the blog in question.

For context: Over the last few days, the person behind the mock blog has used their main account to make their presence known on my blog, having reblogged one of my posts just to add a nasty comment to it, replying to another one of my posts and attacking my followers, and sending me a hateful Ask, all in escalating succession. This culminated in the creation of the new account last night, which had a name that was an almost identical dupe of my blog name.

To be clear, I have no intention of linking to this blog publicly, as this person's goal and aim seems to be for me to engage with them--someone I do not know, and to whom I have never spoken or responded in any capacity. It also seems that the URL of the blog has changed from being a copy of my blog name to something else, and given that I had a lot of people DMing me indicating that they reported the blog to Tumblr, my guess is that the name change is the result of that.

The only other thing that I will say regarding this is that I'm obviously not thrilled that someone created a blog for the purpose of harassing me (while ironically accusing me of harassing Georgia and AL, despite me repeatedly stating that I do not follow either of them on social media and am strongly against anyone leaving harassing comments on any of their accounts). At the same time, however, I have been subject to far worse in my previous fandom--most notably, one vile incident where someone falsely accused me of distributing pornographic material to a minor, and another incident where the same person contacted my employer in an attempt to get me fired in the middle of lockdown in 2020. So all things considered, this blog is relatively mild in comparison.

And while I'm enormously grateful for the support that I have received from so many kind folks, I would urge you to not engage with this blog on any level, and please especially do not send this person threats of any kind on my behalf. I've said many times on my blog that people are welcome to disagree with me, and that I'm happy to hear the opinions of others who do not share my views as long as they are civil and respectful. What this person is doing is neither of those things, and they've made it clear that engaging with them would be a fruitless endeavor, but that still does not make it okay to send anyone hate. And if the desired outcome here is attention, then the best course of action would be to not provide it.

Again, my deepest thanks to you @phantomstars24 and to everyone else who has let me know about the situation and offered their support, as it means more than I can describe. I'm hopeful that we can continue sharing the joy so many of us have felt over Michael and David these past few years, and leave the rest where it belongs...

#phantomstars24 #reply post #fandom woes #also as a child/teen i was told to k*ll myself on more than one occasion #and that is the absolute last thing i would ever be okay with someone saying to someone else #why do people do this #same shit different fandom #i'd much rather focus on positivity however #because i am so incredibly grateful for all of you #and the kind words you have said to me since last night #thank you all you lovely people for being here #<3 #personal post #thoughts #discourse

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niinnyu · 3 days

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Here's why I think jjk 261 is bad writing and wasted potential.

I've tried to separate more objective stuff and my opinions so I've made them into separate sections.

1. Jjk 260: I've already stated my issues with how jjk 260 ended and this applies tenfold now with this chapter. Buildup to sidestep to something completely different nullifies your buildup and is jarring to read. You also cannot blame villains in the story for undermining a character if you, as the author, keep doing it.

2. Okkotsu Yuuta's character: Yuuta's plan and willingness to use Gojo's body if he dies feels incredibly ooc and very uncompelling.

Yuuta is one of the few characters who's been able to see glimpses of the slightly more human side of Gojo "The Strongest" Satoru (he was my one and only/love is the most twisted curse of all). He has *just* seen the catastrophic consequences of a body used by someone else as a weapon. He was willing to go against a villain purely so that Gojo wouldn't have to.

You're telling me the same Yuuta was that ready to use his sensei's body and brought to anger when someone questioned the ethics of it?

Yuuta saying 'if no one else has the guts to then I will' means nothing becauseif his idea of becoming a monster includes using Gojo's body then he is the only one who can do it. All while implying cowardice of the others for "not having the guts to do so" (while being in Maki's presence and with Yuuji's absence, both of whom have been not self described as monsters).

Yes this is him stepping up to the task of being the strongest. But it doesn't feel like the big sacrifice of his humanity he says he doesn't care it being, if he's okay with it the moment the possibility of having to do so comes into light.

It just comes off as cocky and inhumane. And if that *is* Yuuta's character now, show me reason to believe this shift in personality in him specifically.

Also if Yuuta gets so mad at Gojo for being the "monster alone", why is his solution to do exactly that.

The easiest way to have the same events play out, but keep characters intact and have it be much more compelling would be:

Yuuta is presented with the plan of using Gojo's body. Have Meimei or Kusakabe, who've never really interacted with Gojo in any meaningful way to see him as more than his power, bring it up. Or maybe while brainstorming with everyone he comes to theconclusion himself with a lot of dread.

Yuuta immediately rejects the plan because he wouldn't do that to his sensei. Him having to throw his humanity away isn't his issue. He won't allow something like this happen again. And especially not to Gojo whom this was used against firsthand. He plans to kill Kenjaku himself.

Yuuta is reminded that if push comes to shove they still might have to if Sukuna continues to pose a large threat, but since he's the only one who can, it'll finally be only his decision. A panel of internal dialogue shows that Yuuta knows this is true.

Yuuta gets the formality "permission" from Gojo. Gojo says "who cares what happens to my body once I'm dead" and Yuuta *then* gets angry because Gojo of all people knows that he should care. Yuuta notices how Gojo also sees himself only as a weapon for others and calls him out on taking the burden all by himself (being a monster alone).

Fast forward to when Yuuta is dying and being kept alive by Shoko, Nitta, and Amai, Yuuta knows that Sukuna is still going strong and he has no choice but to use Kenjaku's CT against all his hopes because he knows he needs to.

Not only does this align with Yuuta's character a bit more, as someone who cares a lot for the people in his life including Gojo, and abides by his concern people at large, it also gives us a moment to see how heavy an ask it is of Yuuta, and forces the reader to be much more sympathetic of the choice he's had to make. How he'd rather not have done this and only went through because he's desperate.

3. Gojo's influence: This chapter essentially disregards any influence Gojo has had thoughout the story outside of having physical.

The main reason he'd not killed the higher ups waaay before now was because he knew the people who'd take their place would continue to pull the same shit.

Gojo ideology and the reason he went into teaching was to bring about a new generation of sorcerors who would know better. To dismantle the system that doesn't see sorcerors as more than dispensable tools for their power balance purposes, from the inside out.

I've seen people talk about how this ending for Gojo is significant because he isn't an exception to the cruel jujutsu system. Yes! True! He's been facing that his whole life! And that is exactly what he'd hoped to change through his students!

Yuuta using Gojo's body for his power feels like something the higher ups would not think twice about ordering. This was the perfect opportunity to show that the kids Gojo brought up *despite* this system are better than what the higher ups were.

And although throughout his life he too was not exempt as a jujutsu sorceror of being seen as solely his power (he'd also never allow anyone to see him otherwise). He sees, right at the end, these kids that he's helped train, and grow, and keep alive, know just a little better. Know *of* the human behind the power even if they don't *know* him.

OR! If you wanna stay grim about it, show that Gojo failed in this endevour. That the system still continues. Yuuta has made himself a weapon that is used because of his CT and Rika. That Yuuji has only ever been seen as a vessel, he'l he was created solely as one. That Yuuta goes to great lengths to keep his friends safe and Yuuji does so because he's already (kinda) lost them. Show that *they* still hold onto the parts that make them more than tools even if the system still doesn't.

And acknowledge the failure that it is on his part.

Because with this chapter Gojo, even just narratively, continues to be just a weapon.

Below the cut are my pretty coloured opinions about the chapter.

1. Payoff followed by setup and why Shibuya is still some of Gege's best writing: (ended up being long and not specific to this chapter so I'll make it it's own post lol)

2. Okkotsu Yuuta: I am frankly tired by the amount of importance Yuuta has been getting since the culling games ended. The only real narrative significance he has is being a student of and related to Gojo and the previous protagonist. He has no arc, no narrative weight, no personal stakes that other don't have.

He was an interesting character back when he was first reintroduced into the main story. As an unbiased executioner who would be there to kill Yuuji if Sukuna took over, both a threat but also an ally until then. The framing also made him more of a threat against Yuuji than a threat against Sukuna. Interesting!

He also has no personal conflict with the villains. The closest he got was wanting to kill Kenjaku because 'he won't let his sensei kill his Best Friend again', which is personal once removed since it's more for Gojo. Which was also a nullified sentiment because Gojo died before facing Kenjaku anyway.

He is just an overpowered character with no developmental backing. I still won't believe that Yuuta using Gojo's body is stronger than Gojo, because it is still Gojo who had had to condition and train his body to be able to handle the power he wielded. Yuuta has had a lot of groundwork already done for him in Gojo's body so even if he's able to do more damage than Gojo, it's still only because he's standing on Gojo's shoulders. People talking about "are you Gojo Satoru because you're the strongest or you the the strongest because you're Gojo Satoru" will be answered here need to remember this.

And since when has either of them cared about the Gojo clan looking bad to mention this lmaao what?

3. Kenjaku's relevance: Yuuta copying Kenjaku's CT being such a flippant discussion made me so mad lol. Your telling me they were seeing killing Kenjaku as a minor stepping stone to a bigger plan. When Kenjaku has been alive for yeaaarrrs on end pulling who knows what all shit that got all these balls rolling in the first place?

I know it easy to do in retrospect with Kenjaku already dead in current time and Sukuna being the current threat. But that's just undermining the threat Kenjaku posed and the "victory" that killing them was (even as anticlimactic as it was).

Seems like Gege had to do his best to brush off Kenjaku since they was proving to be a much more interesting villain than the Big Bad Sukuna, but man way to make your own rather well written character feel lame.

4. Gojo killing the higher ups: While the panels of Gojo wanting to shield his students from the bloodshed he was about to cause was sweet, I still wish the second years had siccesfully forced themselves in and joined him. It's another place where they could've shown Gojo fostering a generation that follows through with his ideology and plans because they get how messed up the system is.

When the higher ups were initially shown to be killed before Gojo vs Sukuna, the chapter had Inumaki and Yuuta talking in the hallways of the higher ups' hq. The implication that they'd also done it in the month of preparation made it feel like everyone was joining in and getting shit done. Yes it's satisfying knowing that Gojo got to go through with something he's wanted to do for a long time, but almost everyone has the same beef with the higher ups. Give everyone or a representation of everyone a slice of the action.

5: Shoko hate: Completely unfounded. People expecting her to suddenly have so much more agency than Gege has ever given her just because they're sad about their fav is stupid. And if you need to be angry direct it at Gege's writing that chose to use her opinion for comedic purposes.

Also question why you care about her ability to do something only when it comes to your fav male characters are facing difficult situations. Remind yourself she's the only overworked bloody doctor/ healer assisted by only a 15/16 yo underskilled underprepared child (Nitta) in a society that is still facing the effects of Shibuya. Also go away stop pretending you care.

I have more issues but whatever. Jjk fans who's favs are dead and never mentioned again be glad!! They're safe!!

#sprry yuuta stans the character is fine hes just being uncompellingly used #sorry i coudnt find panels for other things I'm talking about i got tired #but i hope y'all see where I'm coming from maybe #i feel like im talking to a wall lol but whatever #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 261 #jjk manga spoilers #jjk manga #jjk spoilers #jjk meta #gojo satoru #okkotsu yuuta #itadori yuuji #sukuna #kenjaku #ieiri shoko #jujutsu kaisen meta #i just miss what jjk used to be #waitinf for the story to get abck to the guy constantly undermined and with the most driving power and stakes and character arcs #yes multiple Yuuji's had more than 1 character arc and is currentky in one #this wall is pretty tho... pretty blank haha lolz #sigh #also no hate to characters I'm onky annoyed at gege for making them do shit #it just feels like gege has forgotten a lot of the character motivations and motifs and actual setup that has been done #yeah #no nickel for niinnyu's thoughts #hehe for you since hou reached here <3<3

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miss-eli-starfleet · 2 days

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My critique of CW’S The Flash

The Flash is one of my absolute favourite shows, and I think it deserves one of these. Yes my favourite shows deserve critiques because there are changes I would’ve liked to see instead. This is all just my opinion on the show, not exactly hating it. Plus.. I saw someone else doing something similar to here goes.

Imma be clear at the start. I don’t hate WestAllen, just really really disappointed with how they were written in the latter seasons sometimes.

Props to every actor in the Flash who put all their effort into the show whether the script was cringe or not.

Season 1-2 was FIRE. No complaints. Loved the WestAllen.

Season 3 was good,

but I think they could’ve done Savitar better. Still liked him as the big bad being depressed/emo!Barry. I’ll say that I got really attached to Harry in S2 which made me wonder why they have HR there at all? The dude grew on me, and he added humour to the team, but honestly between him and Harry, it could’ve easily been Harry. Though it means he would die at the end.. so I’m glad Season 3 had HR Wells instead sorry not sorry.

The relationship between Julian Albert and Barry was so fun to watch. Which reminds me, LOVED Eobard’s appearance as Matt Letscher in 3x01. I have no idea why they continue to use Wells’ face like bruh. Your pretending as Wells is over so like why. GIMME MORE MATT!EOBARD.

I loved Frost???

Season 4 was also great.

I’d say more quality than season 3 because it was their first time against a big bad that WASN’T a speedster yet posed a more than adequate challenge to the team. The plot was nice and unique (I really loved Hazard!). I’ll say that DEVOE was kinda showing some red flags before becoming the Thinker in his relationship with Marlize, like he seemed kinda overly possessive of her. Glad that she switched to helping Team Flash after seeing what her husband had become. Loved her “Thinker’s first victim” line.

I felt like they started focusing on Cecile too much? Her role was vital to the plot at the end with helping Barry hop into Devoe’s mind to retrieve Ralph. And speaking of Ralph, I was neutral towards the character at first, but he grew on me. Also why fire him for sometning he did like 10yrs ago. That made no sense. I’d rather Ralph than more Cecile or Allegra.

LOVED ALL THE BANTER BETWEEN HARRY AND CISCO. And FROST FROST FROST!!! I liked her S4 outfit. I also think Barry’s supersuit was the best in this season.

One of my favourite episodes was “Flashtime”. Awesome awesome filler episode.

Season 5 was also great.

Barry’s supersuit was trash tho imo. He just looks like a weird deformed strawberry.

Above average but not quite as good as S4. LOVED NORA WORKING WITH THAWNE then Barry finding out and tossing her into the pipeline cell lol. Just the betrayal, and then dumping her in the middle of a random street in the future. Loved all the father-daughter moments she had with Barry. Cool to see the writers creativity in “meta-tech”.

However Iris.. bro in 5x19 she has some issues bringing up the fact Barry NEEDED to go into the Speedforce TWICE. And then her telling Barry to his face that she didn’t care that Nora was working with Thawne. Like bro, he murdered your husband’s mother and caused sm problems. And you don’t care about that?? Good to see that Barry called her out in the end.

Imma complain about freaking Sherloque again. Why not Harry? Even after what happened to him in S4, I think he could’ve figured out that Nora is secretly working with Thawne. Like dude’s still smart af.

Nora getting erased from existence at the very end.. sad :( I miss S5 Nora

Season 6.

I feel like this is when everything started going downhill. I didn’t care for Mirror Monarch. The mirror!Iris storyline was interesting to see. Idk what happened the rest of the season. That’s how much I didn’t care for this season lol. I think the other half was about Ramsey and how he wanted to make everyone zombies. Man I HATED Sue Dearborn or however you spell her name. She just took up too much screentime. This is when it started feeling like “Iris & Friends” instead of “The Flash”.

Liked to see how Barry dealt with slowly losing his speed bc he was killing the speedforce lol. Liked how the Caitlin/Frost duo became separate people. It was cool. At least we got that lol.

I think this is when Allegra comes in. I honestly can’t stand her. Like the whole her and her sister trope? Why.

The one thing I did like was Barry’s artificial speedforce gave him speed thinking. Awesome episode to watch. EXCEPT NASH. WHY. His sacrifice is useless in the end because of the whole “Iris is Barry’s lightning rod” thing. Have nothing about a speedster’s lightning rods in the comics, just didn’t like how that was written into the show. It eventually got really annoying.

Season 7.

Where do I even begin. This is when Barry’s “children” became a thing, and then suddenly speedforce!Nora wanting to kill all of them? Like what??? Where did that come from? Dion’s storyline was interesting. The rest were just.. Meh. And the CGI was so cringe.

I loved Abra Kadabra??? Why they gotta kill him off in one episode.

Does Chillblaine start coming in this season? I dislike him in general.

Season 8.

THIS IS WHEN BARRY’S ACTUAL CHILDREN COME BACK.

Now with Nora getting erased in S5, I really would’ve preferred if they gave us Tornado Twins instead. Like you can even use the same actors, but I honestly don’t really like the new Nora. I did like seeing her interaction between her and her family.

Also. Bart. I. Have. Major. Problems. I LOVE Bart but he is supposed to be Barry’s GRANDSON. Give us Don Allen instead. I did like the episode where they messed up the timeline, went back to 2013 and then accidentally reset Jay into the timeline. Also loved the episode with the whole Barry and the gamma radiation making him age hella fast. Bro was basically a zombie at the end and still overloaded the machine with the speedforce.

The. Stupid. Power Rangers godspeed arc was shit and them being Bart’s Thawne-like arch nemesis. Like boy, don’t compare Thawne with your godspeed problems. Don’t even start. Also what is with the “Negative Forces” and “Positive Forces” Power Rangers thing and then Iris’ time sickness? At this point, The Flash just started to feel like a soap opera.

I liked Chester even though he was a “replacement” for Cisco. He was unique. But the whole Allegra/Chester budding relationship where did that come from?? It just seemed very cringe and didn’t do much for the plot besides drama I guess. Khione was meh. Like just give us Caitlin with Frost in some way. I don’t care about Khione and her arc. Pls give us more Barry and not so much Cecile and Allegra.

Season 9

The show should just be renamed “Power Rangers: Iris & Friends” at this point. They made an entire episode without Barry?? Like if I pick up a Flash comic book, I expect it to be about THE FLASH. Not his random friends. Like yes, his friends can make appearances but don’t give me a whole dang episode without Barry THE MAIN CHARACTER. Also how the hell did Cecile become that OP, where is the character development.

Idk where Chillblaine comes in but I just don’t like him, not to mention that I don’t like the relationship between him and Frost. Like what.

Eddie’s Cobalt Blue arc and Red Death arc could’ve been done WAY better. I didn’t see any plot relevance in any way. It was written so poorly. Red Death was just like evil speedster!Batman or something. Please don’t bring our beloved Eddie back if you gonna write him all just jealous of Barry and him somehow becoming the new avatar of the Negative Speedforce. And what does Batwoman have anything to do with this (I believe she appears in the finale villains arc)l

There is legit only one episode I like in S9. The one that comes “full circle”. The one where Barry gets stuck in 2000, gets to chill with his parents for one day, and then comes full circle with Matt!Eobard killing Nora. SEASON 1 QUALITY. They even use the same bg music which awwww. And the “If I can spend one more day with my parents, then what would I say to them?” Line? Chef’s kiss.

Did not like the finale. His final run speech was okay about sharing his gift. Definitely would’ve preferred if Barry became the lightning bolt that struck him in S1 like in the comics.

Idk which episodes: Loved all the Amunet & Frost storyline, and then Goldface time to time appearances. Especially “Officer Chemist” lol.

#this was long af #dc #dc comics #Barry Allen #the flash #Iris west #WestAllen #cisco ramon #caitlin snow #Harrison wells #Eobard Thawne #reverse flash

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sylvaridreams · 4 hours

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Could be drawn and quartered for saying this but I'll risk it. Genuinely I love Livia. She's so unbelievably funny to me. My first encounter with her was actually last spring bc I didn't get to play that part of lws3 until 2023 (wow) and I thought she was soooo fucking funny. She's trapped in a bloodstone puzzle and needs your help to escape but I STRUGGLED with this puzzle and could not for the life of me figure it out and if you take too long she starts MOCKING YOU for it. It's so funny. Trapped by magic and she's like (snidely) "oh do you need a hint? For this simple puzzle for children? Do you need a little help? Is that what the great Pact Commander needs is a little help with a puzzle for babies? Maybe let's get some disadvantaged uneducated orphans in here and they can show you." And then you work with her through the end of lws3 and she continues to be hilarious. And I'm certain that a lot of people dislike her for that reason. She doesn't bathe in your excellence. She spends some fair amount of time treating you like a fool and a nuisance that she grows mildly warm towards.

Like when this bit dropped in SotO and people rushed to be like NOT MY COMMANDER! DOESNT APPLY TO MY COMMANDER! No? Alright, tell me your thoughts about why you hate Livia. ^_^ ohhh cuz she's rude and disrespectful to you? Oh noooooo... oh noooo is that why...!

Like it's not actually an issue to me. I don't care if people have differing opinions on a character, I don't care if the reason for disliking her IS "she's disrespectful and rude and I think I/my Commander deserve respect" like alright go off! I just find it funny. And a bit sad that she then gets trashed as like WORST CHARACTER IN THE GAME! WE ALL HATE HER ASS! Well I talked to Livia just yesterday. And she didn't even mention you. You didn't come up at all. And I texted her just now to ask about you and she was like "who?" So I think this might be a one way thing you have here. Sad!

And I'm sure for some percentage people it's also her combined race + gender! Black woman who talks down to you a bit and comments on your ineptitude. I'm sure that sits poorly with some players out there. Especially those seeking escape as the flawless genius loved-by-all hero of the story. It's not dissimilar to the years-long grudge some players hold against Braham for (checks notes) cold-shouldering you and pushing you away while grieving his dead mother as a teenager, and daring to make a stupid choice or two in the decade to follow. And for not basking in your excellence during. Whilst black. Idk. I'm no expert. I'm just the guy who enjoys things. The enjoyerrrrrrrrrr.

#this post was my lunch break. back to work! 😊

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walrus150915 · 2 days

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Happy pride, Nimona fandom :3

I gotcha some sketches! Gotta place them in different parts of the post so that you read everything

It's not just drawings I got HEADCANONS for you too!

Off topic but I love Nimona's design SO MUCH it's so AMAZING TO DRAW AGHHH

⚧Nimona LGBTQ+ specific headcanons of mine🏳‍🌈

• I've made a conclusion that if queer flags exist in Nimona universe, as well as gay drag bars (so was confirmed in the artbook), then labels DO exist. As well as good old homophobia??? I suppose????

• Nimona doesn't have a specific label because she thinks they are sorta restrictive. Also she just doesn't need one lol, if somebody asked her about her gender she'd say "Nimona"

• She'd wear the heck out of a "protect trans kids" shirt she bought no she ain't feeding into the capitalist machine she stole it

• There was something between Nimona and Gloreth but Nimona can't exactly say what for sure. Not exactly romantic but not strictly platonic. Homegirl had that toxic doomed kindergarten yuri going on😭

• Nimona doesn't look for romantic relationships. She explains it as "romance is for sappy dumb-dumbs" but in reality she just doesn't want to date and romantically love somebody who'll. Eventually die and leave her all by herself again yk (oh this got angsty real fast)

• Maybe one day Ballister tried to help her find her label (because he still tries to put things in boxes) and she just waved it off

Speaking of Ballister

• My man is transgender. Do I even have to explain. Read one of those posts that explain his transness better LMAO

• He started his medical transition as a teenager and had to fit right in not to disrupt the Institute's function. If he's a man then he has to transition QUICKLY so that others don't notice

• Because of that he's a transmedicalist and probably an enbyphobe at the start of the movie, thinking only one type of valid transness exists, and it's the one that is very binary and restrictive

• At the end he realizes the wrong of his ways and works on the internalized transphobia

• He came to terms with his homosexuality a bit easier. "It's always been boys" yk the drill

A couple of words about his boy lol

• Ambrosius is a painfully cisgender gay man. I genuinely apologize to all Transbrosius believers but he gives off STRONG cis vibes can't have a character with this surname dickless

• He's a trans ally but his opinions on trans issues were like. Very closed-minded. He supported but didn't entirely understand. Of course it changed as he went through ✨character development✨

• He was fully supportive of Ballister on his trans journey. Reassured him when Ballister felt like he wasn't enough, tried to make his boyfriend as secure as possible, loving every part of him

There should be a bunch of rather suggestive headcanons but this isn't that type of post LOL

No but think about Ambrosius kissing down Ballister's body and across his chest scars. This is my ultimate dream as a trans man

• Ambrosius also rocks a "protect trans kids" shirt that's for SURE

• He came to terms with his queerness as a teenager and had a whole crisis about it. As a Goldenloin he had the expectations of ✨continuing Gloreth's bloodline✨ thrown at him back in childhood so he sorta internalized that. Then boom, my boy is g a y and oh how gay he is!

• Click here to read about my headcanons on goldenheart when they had only started falling in love :D

• Ambrosius made inoffensive jokes about Ballister's transness. Like yk those goofy puns like "baby you put men in MENstruation", "omg does this make your parents transparent". Ballister smiled at them and rolled his eyes but also silently appreciated his bf's support, although expressed so stupidly

• He also made sure Ballister took proper care of his body because you know Ballister would not bind safely, being a dumb teen

Anyway yeah gay people

Unpopular opinion but we as a fandom should start drawing Bal with a disability queer pride flag

Side characters headcanons, anyone? XD

• Diego came out as nonbinary after the events of the movie. He got that he/they swag going on

• Also Ballister was his queer awakening FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. He had the stupidest, most childish celebrity crush on Bal. Maybe Bal formed Diego's type in men fjfhhx I like to think Diego got a boyfriend whose attitude is similar to Bal's

• Remember those news anchors? (they are so underrated omg) Well Nate Knight has a husband and Alanzapam Davis is a bi queen🙏

• Speaking of queens. Valerin is a straight ally💪💪 I imagine her being quite iconic on the Kingdom's queer side of the internet. They call her "mother" and stuff aajjaj

• the Director is homophobic, need I say more? So is Todd but I actually imagine him being a type of guy to reject his queerness

Haha mailman *winks at yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt*

• Todd had NO idea Ballister was trans. NONE

• The Kingdom has pride events!! Ambrosius and Ballister were very happy and excited to attend those as an official couple once they were out :}

• Nimona attended them every year, ofc she had to hide her true nature but it was fun for her to march along! And it was even more fun when everyone accepted her!!

Anyway yeah this was very fun to make!! Happy pride y'all, lmk what you think ;D

#nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #goldenheart #nimona fanart #nimona headcanons #actually therapeutic to make such a post while living in a violently queerphobic country #i wish to attend a pride march someday i know i will cry HARD once i do #in a body i dont hate and with a healed soul #sorry to make this depressing #happy pride 🌈#pride 2024 #lgbtq #transgender #diego the squire #queen valerin #the director nimona #todd sureblade

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ilovetheriddler · 3 days

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Escape room affections.

(BTAS) The Riddler/Edward Nygma X F!Reader.

(The escape room is really badly designed, and the puzzles don't actually do anything. This obviously frustrates Edward greatly.)

Word Count: 691.

Contents: Edward being frustrated, kisses, and affection.

You couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the sight of your boyfriend Edward, slowly losing his mind as a result of the escape room that you thought would be a fun date idea to do.

You truly love and adore Edward and how intelligent he is... but at times, that is his biggest flaw. Like now, as he was overthinking this escape room. He was so frantically trying to piece together puzzles that, in his mind and opinion, should work.

A part of you honestly didn't even have the heart to tell him that those puzzles weren't actually important and that the escape room was just really poorly designed and didn't actually use puzzles, that those were just there for decoration.

"Damn it! Why isn't this working? It's clearly the only correct solution to this!"

"Edward, sweetheart, I think that -"

"Not now, my love! I'm trying to figure out why this isn't working, These puzzles are borderline, something a toddler could solve. So the fact that they aren't working, despite me having clearly solved them, is a huge insult to me!"

He continued trying to solve the, quite literally, useless puzzles. The frustration and growing anger apparent on his face. You feel a bit guilty. When you saw that a new escape room had been opened, you thought it would be fun for Edward, that it would be a cute date idea. But perhaps you should have looked more into it beforehand. You walk over to him and place your hand on his shoulder.

"Edward.... the puzzles aren't important...."

A genuine look of surprise and confusion immediately crosses his face. He's silent for a few moments, clearly processing exactly what you just said to him. Before it fully registers with him and that look of frustration returns.

"Well, that's just idiotic! What kind of archaic fools create an escape room that doesn't rely on puzzles?!"

"I don't know.... listen, um, I'm sorry about this... I wasn't aware of it beforehand... so I'm sorry if I've unintentionally ruined our date...."

He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden saddened tone.

"My love, I assure you that while I am frustrated over the foolish design of this escape room, I'm not upset at you. In fact, the fact that I got to spend time with you is the only saving grace from this evening!"

"Really...? I'm glad then... oh! Um... here, I found it in one of the plants a few minutes ago..."

You hand him a simple key, more specifically, the key to get out of here. You feel your face heat up slightly once he leans in and places a simple yet sweet kiss on your cheek.

"Thank you, my love. I appreciate you trying to set up a date that I'd enjoy. It's not your fault that it went.... somewhat awry."

He unlocks the door, and the two of you leave the wildly underwhelming escape room. Edward has a certain look in his eyes that catches your attention, like he's planning something in his head.

"You know, I could make an escape room leagues more impressive than... that disgrace back there! Oh... perhaps i could even use it as a new challenge for Batman! Yes, that'd be perfect!"

"Well, if anyone can design an insane escape room, then it'd probably be you..."

He gets a somewhat smug yet genuine grin on his face at your compliment. He drapes his arm over your shoulders as you walk, leaning into you some. He then presses a gentle and quick kiss to your lips suddenly. Ruffling your hair slightly once he pulls away.

"Oh course, it'll be great, my dear. I'll finally be able to put an end to that caped crusader after all this time! I'm sure it'll work this time... oh, and I'd love for you to test it out for me.... before I add anything lethal, I mean."

"I'd be overjoyed to test out your escape room trap whenever you finish it....."

Edward walks you back to your apartment, bidding you goodnight before he starts making his way back to his place. He has plans that he must attend to...

#dc comics #batman #the riddler #edward nygma #riddler #btas #the riddler x reader #edward nygma x reader #x reader #fanfic

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blank468 · 3 days

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My somewhat final thoughts of My Hero Academia

Note: Now that MHA is now doing an epilogue and is ending soon, I might as well give my final thoughts about this series. I’ll probably continue to talk more about it after the series is officially over but I’m not going to do a full fledged hour long review because I have better things to do.

This is a generic shonen empowerment fantasy that managed to screw its own theme and message. Any good will I would’ve given to series at the beginning is completely irrelevant as it when on. The morals and themes are constantly changing to throw random s**t on a sheet of paper that either doesn’t make sense, contradicts what being shown on screen, or if it doesn’t fits the tone of the story. My hero is not a deconstruction of the shonen genre that does anything new that would make it stand out. Most of the ideas and plot points created either have horrible execution, given no amount of attention where they’re just ignored or just have horrible payoffs. It follows all the exact same tropes seen in every other series and makes them worse. It also gets to the point where it rips off Naruto and makes the same mistakes it did. The amount of plot twists that are excused as some kind of subversion are obnoxious and predictable where’s it gets incredibly annoying. The world building is horrendous and just makes the story feel small for a world that has a life changing impact. The power scale doesn’t always make sense and it does nothing but act as a way to reward characters that didn’t earn it.

It has a dangerous and horrible message for victims of abuse and bullying. My hero has no problem telling the audience that if you’re a victim of any kind of abuse, it’s your problem and you should just act like it’s not a big issue. Apparently it’s ok lie to your friends, family and colleagues that you can trust but it’s not ok to lie or even hold accountable to your abuser. And no matter if he/she has a reason for the way they are, you are always in the wrong and you should spend your sad life praising and benefiting them.

There exists way too many characters for the audience to be invested in and after watching them for several arcs, they are just stereotypes with nothing new or original about them. Many of them come across as either being stupid, annoying, unlikeable, petty, ignorant or just both. Some characters will either exist to benefit others or just highjack the story, ruining every other character’s chance to get any sort spotlight. The series is way too reliant on putting focus on unpleasant and uninteresting characters to please its large audience. The humor is way too reliant on a character’s personality trait. No matter what they do, the story expects us to automatically like them regardless of how horrible and selfish their actions are. Izuku may not be the worst character, but he’s no where near as great as everyone hypes him up to be. Bakugo is an unbearable mess of a character that serves no real purpose in the story and exists to take away every characters chance of development. His development is one of the laziest and obnoxious parts I have ever seen in any story and yet he’s the most popular sadist in the show with no sort of reason or sympathy for me to like him. Any criticism given to this d**khead is automatically shot down and people like me get harassed and called a brain dead immature f*g for stating our opinion.

Aside from Twice and Gentle/ La Brava, these villains are not that interesting and what ever traits about them gave them something to do is absence. Shigaraki is the stories biggest wasted potential that went from being an idiot to being an incompetent idiot to benefit my left nutsack. Toga is a Mary Stu who went from being a sad and annoying character to an annoying and self centered bitch who complains after being told her actions are wrong. Dabi is just a Gary Stu who’s only interested in wanting to kill his dad. Spinner is a joke that is constantly scammed by his creator.

The only saving grace I can give to this series is the art style of the manga and some parts of the Todoroki family drama. I can even say that Horikoshi’s art style and how he designs characters and panel designs inspired me as an artist. The anime as a whole is fine but it’s not perfect, but that’s mostly because it doesn’t do a whole lot of creatively/artistic things to make it on par with the most popular anime series. As an artist, I would recommend my hero as a reference to use to improve your work. If you just want to read or watch a series that has fights that just make you feel some kind of emotion, then you might get something out of this series. It’s not even the absolute worst thing I’ve seen; I’ve seen much worse in other genres other than shonen manga. It’s just rare to find a badly written series without being surrounded by d**kriders. It’s just a disaster of a series, and I wished I spent my time during the pandemic watching another series like Demon Slayer, or Black Clover.

#bnha critical #mha critical #anti bakugo katsuki #anti bakugou #anti katsuki bakugou #izuku deserves better #shigaraki deserves better

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cressthebest · 20 hours

Text

Crimson Rivers thoughts part 37

chapter 56:

1. 😦 they.. they put a mask on sirius? they put him in azkaban?? my boy!! no!

2. 😭😭 sirius having already killed three guards tho. i love him

3. “Bastards they may be, stupid they are not.”

4. “At least he gets the sound of his own voice, though, which is a huge improvement in his opinion.”

he’s so funny i love him. he’s a murderer! he fell in love with a servant! he loves the sound of his own voice! he’s demisexual! he volunteered for regulus twice! he likes wood carving! he called the random guard “stuart”! he convinced the head gamemaker to change the rules so he can keep his brother and best freind! he continues to obnoxiously sing when face to face with riddle!

no one is doing it like him, i fear

5. “"Sounds like you've had a shitty week," is what Sirius says, finally, when he can bring himself to speak.”” 😭😭 he’s so bold. my dear, you are chained in front of the most dangerous man in the world and you tell HIM that his life fucking sucks. my dear. the ABSOLUTE GALL you have

6. “"I need not lie, Sirius."

"Yeah, that's what liars say."”

my DEAR

7. “”Kneel down on the floor before me like a dog and beg."”

i prefer this out of context. but in context, it’s riddle being an absolute bitch to sirius. like excuse you.

8. “Sirius Black is many, many things, but a peasant before a king is never and will never be one.” A-FUCKING-MEN

9. 😮 did sirius just BITE OFF A CHUNK OF RIDDLES ARM??? praise be

10. marylily?? marylily??? MARYLILY??? going feral at any and all hints towards them

11. “"I like your legs," Lily says stupidly, because her brain and mouth have disconnected briefly, apparently.”

bbg i’m in love with you 😭😭

12. aww any mentions of petunia from lily break my heart

13. lily being so desperately in love with mary is my new drug

14. REMUS AND LILY FALLING RIGHT BACK INTO ROUTINE WITH BEING OBNOXIOUS TO EACH OTHER >>>>>>>>

15. “Lily gave him his [cigarette] first in six years days ago, and he'd coughed through the whole thing, then smoked five more back-to-back.”

16. “A stranger is just someone you haven't met yet. What do you call someone you knew better than yourself that you no longer recognize? A ghost?”

wtf wtf wtf that’s insane to write. lily and remus did NOT deserve this

17. “Lily has never known a Remus afraid of freedom, and Remus has never known a Lily afraid of love.”

18. “because they're still two bodies and one heart after all this time, if nothing else.”

that is beautiful and i’m forever grateful of the way the marauders fandom puts emphasis on the importance of friendships. like, this isn’t about a romantic couple. that is said about FRIENDS. friends got that description of their love for each other.

19. the fact that their friendship is so close, remus can REACH INTO LILY’S bra (to grab a cig) and she’s just upset cause his hands are cold.

20. crying actually, cause of all things to break me this chapter, it’s the fact that sirius and effie smoke together

21. oof i have a bad feeling about how dorlene is gonna end up

22. 😦😦 marlene gives the ring back. wtfffff damn that hurtsss

23. “”I am telling you this explicitly, right now, if you shoot your shot and fuck up in any way, I will let her pick a part of your body to take as a trophy, then remove it and give it to her. Still interested?"

"Even more so," Rodolphus says, wiggling his eyebrows. "She's got crazy friends, too. That's hot."”

me fr 😌 give me insane bitches (oh wait. maybe IM the crazy person)

24. 😳 practically fifteen seconds of flirting and he and barty decided to go fuck. that’s fucking insane. IS THIS HOW ALLOS ARE??? LIKE THEY CAN DO THAT??? (not all allos obviously, but some can do that??)

25. the way servants (slaves) are treated in the hallow make me angry beyond belief. like, seething white hot anger

26. FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!!! THEY FIXED JAMES’ EYESIGHT AND IM SO FUCKING PISSED

27. riddle tortured sirius and lemme jsut say, if someone told that to remus and regulus, the war would be over in a day flat

28. “The odds are not in Riddle's favor. If you ask James, he'll bet on his people every fucking time. It's not a game of chance, or luck, but a game of faith—and James has that in spades.” james’ loyalty is probably my favorite character trait of his

29. honorary authors note mention: “also lmaooo sirius literally in prison and still killing people 😭 he really said: you put me in prison, im gonna commit crimes, duh 🙄 he's everything to me”

30. honorary authors note mention pt 2: “rodolphus "i will hit every step on the crazy ladder if it kills me" lestrange living his truth and getting with the most insane, available people he meets every chance he gets””

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #sirius black #remus lupin #crimson rivers #zeppazariel #bizzarestars #sirius orion black #lily evans #lily and remus

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svt-hari · 22 hours

Text

IT'LL BE OKAY.

SYNOPSIS: hari's secret's out during the worst timing, in her opinion

PAIRING(S): hari x wooseok (feat. hierachy cast)

SETTING: june 2024

WARNING(S): swearing, drinking, food

NOTE: pictures have nothing to do with the setting JNSDKFS wooseok's nawt wearing a turtleneck and trench coat in june 💀 Hari's outfit is accurate though- oh and the middle pic too 😋

TAGLIST (fill out this form to be a part of it): @ateezjuliet . @httpuji . @justmochi . @cheolsboo . @peachyaeger . @mingis-wrld . @zwiehe . @sxeetmelody . @nvmbheart . @magical-spit . @smoooore . @cosmicwintr . @lillijay . @peppercane . @aysxldea . @angie-x3 . @choielyssa . @allthings-fandoms . @enhacolor . @pinkbrries . @moonlight-additions . @treehouse-mouse . @itzynabi . @yoonkooksbaby4

The restaurant is buzzing with excitement as the cast and staff of Hierarchy gathers around to celebrate the final countdowns to Hierarchy's premiere which is at the end of the week.

"Let's have our famous Jooshin couple say a toast!" someone shouts, raising his glass.

Hari and Wonjung are ushered to stand up and the two quickly grab their soju glass. She gestures for her co-star to go first but he initiates her to go first, as she was the older one.

She clears her throat before starting, "Hello everyone, staff and cast of Hierarchy. We're gathered here to celebrate our hard work that we've all endured while filming for the drama. I'm super thankful to the amazing staff members who were preparing everything so that filming would go smoothly. I'm also thankful to my beautiful best friends of Jooshin high school. Without you guys, I don't think I would've been able to finish this out. I want to give the biggest thank you to my boyfriend, Woojin, for taking care of and loving Hera despite all of the troubles that I've gone through." she giggles, teasing Wonjung before continuing.

"As the show airs this Friday, I wish for a successful first episode and receive many achievements throughout the season! A toast to Hierarchy, everyone!"

Everyone cheers and Wonjung pulls Hari into a hug, bringing her into his tight embrace. As Wonjung begins his speech, she takes her time to take a look at the cast and staff members around her.

After not renewing her individual contract with Pledis last year, there's been so many opportunities for her and she's more than thankful for them.

Her eyes come to a halt as she sees two female staff members in the corner of the restaurant, hunched over a phone and sneaking glances over at her.

She immediately makes eye contact to the first girl who looks up and gives her a look. Hari watches as she nudges her friend who also looks up who then immediately puts their phone away, pretending nothing happened.

Hari squints her eyes then looks away, making a mental note to have her manager talk to them later. You can never be safe enough and as a precaution, she wanted to make sure everything was okay. Or she thought.

"Unnie, have you seen this?" Jeongeui shows her phone to Hari, an article pulled up, 'SEVENTEEN's Hari Reported to be in a Relationship with Actor Byeon Wooseok'.

Hari's hand falls to the side and she stares at the article in shock. That's what the two staff members were staring it. Snapping out of it, she takes the phone from Jeongeui's grasp and scrolling through it, speed reading it.

The article summarizes about the couple's relationship from how they met to how long they've been dating. Hari zooms in on the photos that were posts and inhales sharply, seeing that the half of the pictures were just from over the weekend.

'How the fuck are they this fast?' she thinks to herself.

Hari thanks Jeongeui and gives her phone back before going into her purse, fishing out her own phone. She's immediately bombarded with multiple text messages and missed calls from everyone that she could think of.

19 missed calls from 'my moon 🌙 ' my moon 🌙 : call me when you get the chance, darling. everything's okay hannie oppa 😋: remember to take deep breaths and drink lots of water general leader 🫡: we're holding the fort down so don't worry, just come home when everything's done 26 messages from '98s 😎❤️‍🔥' group chat mommy 👩🏻: do you need us to say anything? let us know ASAP daddy 👨🏻: let me know if you need anything, i'm just a phone call away juju 😼: congrats! no- sorry- no- idk but i'm happy for you guys. lmk if you need me to punch someone <3 the tbz members and i can take these people on my other half 💖: i don't know how it got out but i'm going to kill whoever outed you guys out :( might need you to bail me out of jail </3 hayoung unnie 🌸: i hope you're doing okay, my baby :( tae 🐻: call me if you need someone to talk to, i'm here for you

Hari shuts off her phone and lets out a shaken sigh, looking around to see the others.

"Noona, are you okay?" Jaewon asks, looking at her worriedly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Hari nods, "Y-Yeah, I think so. I'll be fine for now. Let's continue to enjoy the last bit of dinner."

"I think I saw Wooseok sunbae outside, I'll distract the others so you can go check." Chaemin whispers, nodding towards the window.

Chaemin and Jaewon starts to talk to everyone again, gathering their attention.

On cue, she slips from the group and takes a step outside to see that Chaemin was right.

"Oppa." she whispers, seeing his figure pacing back and forth.

Wooseok's head snaps at her direction and he lets out a sigh of relief before coming to pull her into a hug.

Hari wraps her arms around his torso and he strokes the back of her head, whispering apologies to her.

"What are you sorry for?" she asks, pulling her head back to face him.

"Everything. I know we aren't ready but I know we talked about what would happen if we were to go public and most importantly, I wanted to see if you were okay. I came to see you as soon as the article came out."

Hari cups Wooseok's face with her hands and lets out a chuckle, "I'm okay, don't worry." she frowns a bit, "What about you though? I feel like I just ruined your career.

Wooseok's hand reaches up to take a hold of one of her hands before he shakes his head, "I don't care about any of that. As long as you're safe and happy, that's all that matters."

Hari looks at her boyfriend with worry and he leans down to kiss her forehead, resting his forehead on hers afterwards. The two sit in silence before Wooseok speaks up again, "I'll talk to our companies and we can have it confirmed by the morning. What do you think?"

She nods her head, seeing that it's the best route they can go down as of right now.

"I have a question," Hari mumbles, feeling her heart pound in her ears.

"What is it?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure everyone inside has seen the article. Not because they can see us but I saw two female staff members starting at me earlier and I have no doubt they spread it like wildfire the moment I stepped out."

"Do you want me to sue them? I won't hesitate." he interrupts, frown growing on his face.

Hari giggles, "No, it's fine. But I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me introducing you to them? Maybe kill their curiosity. Like I said, they're all watching us from the window."

Wooseok lets out a boisterous laugh before nodding, "Sure. But let me do this before we go inside."

"Do what?"

Before Hari could question any further, Wooseok pulls Hari in for a deep kiss, holding her by the waist. She quickly reciprocates to the kiss by kissing back and holding onto his shoulders to ground herself.

As they pull away, the couple could hear the restaurant erupt in cheers, happy and angry to see their confirmation.

Hari takes a hold of his hand and laces their fingers together and looks up at him, "Ready?"

"More than ready."

#˚ 　　youth is right now 　 .　　 . ⊹ WOORI.#˚ 　　youth is right now 　 .　　 . ⊹ SCENARIOS.#14th member of seventeen #seventeen 14th member #seventeen addition #seventeen oc #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x oc #seventeen #svt #kpop #kpop addition #kpop oc #kpop au #kpop fanfic

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orshii · 1 day

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Will I Ever See You Again? Chapter 5: The Love You Want

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Warning: cursing, violence, blood

Word count: 5,8 k

Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?

Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?

A/N: Omg finally I could upload the next chapter. Sorry for not updating for so long I just had to finish my thesis, which I managed to do...finally. About the story, we are slowly reaching the end. *sobbing*. I really love this chapter, because we finally understand a lot of things here as the truth unfolds. And their connection is going to be stronger, both with Hongjoong and Yunho finally. I think there's going to be one or two more chapters left. Have fun reading it, let me know your opinion if somebody is still here! :'( (sorry if there are mistakes!)

(Series Masterlist)

Taglist: @bvidzsoo @vixensss @deltamoon666 @scarfac3 @chatsgotmytongue

@xiang-zalea @cookiesandcreammy (taglist is open <3)

I wanted to throw up, to let all of these feelings out, I felt disgusted, sick of myself. I have never been hating myself this much.

I drove to the place that always calmed me down, it gave me peace. It was a parking lot up in the mountains, and when you walked to the edge of the parking lot, you saw the ocean and the town, where most of the people were already in dreamland.

I needed to stop while driving because I felt so overwhelmed, I was afraid I might kill someone on the road.

I stepped out of my car, the air was cold, but I felt hot, my skin was burning from all the blood that was continuously pumping into my body. I wanted to rip my heart out in that moment, to throw it into the ocean next to me, because I couldn't handle this pain.

I was breathing heavily as I leaned my back against my car, slowly sliding down on the dirty ground, I lifted my knees to my chest, burying my hand into my hair, trying to rip it out, as I wasn't completely myself, I wanted to hurt myself, for all the shit I said and for the things that happened.

I couldn't cry, I felt empty, I wanted to cry, just so my tears could comfort me, but they never came, just as I was alone all my life, no one was there to comfort me. No one was there because I pushed everyone away when they tried to comfort me. I needed to laugh, at myself, at life, for tricking me my whole existence, promising me good things, whispering sweet nothingness into my ear, so I believed, good was coming my way. But those were only lies. Lies, that promised me so much, lies that made me keep going, lies that kept me alive.

But as the truth came out, what was the point anymore? What was the point of living anymore? What was the purpose of my living? Was there any purpose?

These questions rounded my head all the time. It felt like I was in the middle of a desert, feeling thirsty, I saw water in the distance, but as I tried to reach it, it felt farther and farther away. That's called a mirage, a mirage is a thing you crave, but as you try to reach it, it suddenly disappears, it tricks you, making your eyes believe what you see. This is how life feels right now, and I couldn't escape the warm desert. And I wasn't sure if I even wanted to anymore.

I looked up to the sky, as my eyes fell on the beautiful moon above me, shining at me with its full power. Can't I just be the moon right now and disappear? Can I just shine in the dark, giving some hope to the people, whom can't find their way in the dark night? Would I be able to show the way towards people's desires? Would I be able to love myself, so I could give all my love to those who deserve it? Would I be able to…love someone? Do I even deserve to be loved?

The questions never stopped, but the answers were nowhere to be seen, as one particular face popped up in my mind. A smiling face, that comforted me every time I saw it, a face that gave me nothing but safeness. His beautiful sharp brown eyes reminded me of the depth of a forest in autumn. His thin lips reminded me of how gently he kissed me like he was a pirate and I was his long-searched treasure. His voice sounded like a melody, I never wanted to forget. His black and blonde hair, highlighted his eyes, his nose, and his lips. His hair reminded me all the time of how two-sided he was. He was possessive and overprotective but at the same time, he did all of this, because he was soft and caring.

I loved both sides of him…I think…I- I love him. I don't know when and how it happened, but I think I fell for Kim Hongjoong so badly, I couldn't stand up anymore. Not without him. I needed him in my life because I am not worthy enough at all without him.

That very familiar melody started to play in my head, as it always reminded me of Hongjoong, the lyrics that my brain created randomly, were always when I was with him. The realization hit me, as my brain knew what would happen from the beginning. I would have never thought that I'm going to fall for Hongjoong, who closed me out from their life, alongside Yunho, and I hated them for it. They had their reasons, but still, it was unfair.

Just as much as the things I said to Hongjoong, I can't even imagine what he went through. His parents died almost a decade ago, and since then we have had his family, at least it was Yunho and my father, and he had to watch as my father died, in front of his eyes, how unfair was this? My heart ached, at the thought of it, and the things I said to him, made me feel like I was the most unworthy human being on earth.

Hours went by as I sat on the ground, my car being the only support in my life. I was freezing on the chilly night, that slowly passed by with the hours, the sun slowly coming up, to switch places with the moon, so it can rest a bit.

I didn't feel anything at all, those hours passed by like minutes, minutes like seconds, seconds like milliseconds. I didn't think of anything, my mind was empty, I just stared in front of me, physically being there on the dirty ground, but mentally I was in a place where I felt at peace, I felt calm, I felt like I had no feelings and with that no problems.

The sudden noise of the early morning traffic brought me back to real life, realizing what was I doing, I stood up, blinking a few times, to get back my visibility. I walked towards the edge and looked down at the ocean.

It was so beautiful, the sun was coming up, luring me to melt into it. The sun shone through the calm waves, the ocean mirroring the sight above it, copying the colors the sun's rims let out, bright orange and red colors melting into each other like lovers.

Seeing this mesmerizing landscape, made me realize how beautiful life was, it was worth living only as just for these. To see these miracles, makes your heart feel at ease. That made you forget all your problems, to make you feel like you are worth living. My common sense crawled back to my mind when I realized I needed to apologize to Hongjoong, I said some things to him, that made no sense and I'm sure he believed them, thinking it was really his fault. I decided I needed to tell him how I felt, how he made me feel, how grateful I was, how I…loved him. Even though he may think of me as Yunho's little sister that he needs to save no matter what, I wanted him to know that I would protect him at all costs.

I quickly sat in my car, as its engine slowly lighted up. My only destination being the boxer's club, as I knew Hongjoong always started his days there, practicing to be better day by day. My eyes were wide open, my heart thumping like crazy, I wasn't sleepy at all as sudden adrenaline kept me going, even though, I hadn't been sleeping nearly twenty-four hours. But I was very prejudiced to talk to Hongjoong, and after that, I think it was time to talk properly with Yunho as well.

After an hour passed and I was determined to get there until Hongjoong was still there, I finally arrived at the boxing club. Getting some flashbacks about the day he taught me boxing all of a sudden as if he knew I would make good use of those tactics. I did, for sure. It kind of saved my life as those bastards tried to attack me.

I parked my car and turned the engine off, luckily, I had to change clothes in my car, as I always kept there some just in case. It was just black sweatpants and a black oversized hoodie, it was actually Hongjoong's, I stole it when he left it in the living room, he didn't even notice it, so I kept it to myself, it gave me comfort, that I needed on my lonely nights.

As I stepped out from my car, closing its door, a sudden gut, a bad feeling caught me. It was strange I never felt like this, and it was probably because I had to face Hongjoong and tell him everything.

I walked towards the entrance and went in. Suddenly I froze in my steps when I heard yelling from the main room, where the box matches were held, and probably Hongjoong was practicing, right now. But it was weird, these sounds weren't the signs of practicing men. It was yelling and laughing, and sudden hitting. I clearly heard Hongjoong's voice.

"Fuck off." His voice was determined and low.

I went to the door, so I could see what was happening, but I wasn't expecting what I saw.

My heart started to race, I pressed my hands to my mouth in shock, trying to not let any sound out, so they couldn't see me. I saw four men, their backs facing me, as they were standing in front of, Hongjoong, who was facing with me, looking up at them with killing eyes, being tied to a chair, his lips and nose bleeding. He was wearing his usual practicing clothes, a black short, ending at his knees and a black tank top.

You, being tied down,

Me, wanting to burn alive who caused it

"Tell us, where the fuck he is, or I'll use other hurtful methods, so you will speak, fucker." The one with the bleeding knuckles told Hongjoong, as probably he was the one hitting him.

"Well, I assume, he is not here," Hongjoong said with a devilish smile, blood rolling down his jaw. The men, who hit him beforehand, punched him in the face again, as Hongjoong just spit blood into the floor, waiting for the next punch.

Sudden anger started to boil within me. I clenched my fists together until it left deep red crescents on my palms. They couldn't see me, I needed to think about how I could help to Hongjoong. They were probably looking for Yunho, so I couldn't just call him here, he needed to stay hidden. But whom I could call then? My phone was dead, but I knew they had a telephone hanging on the office wall. I just needed to get there, somehow. But to get to the office, I needed to get through the room they were in.

Fuck, it was the most unfortunate situation. But they weren't facing me, I only saw their backs, and that was enough, to sneak into the office. Very quietly I stepped into the room, trying to breathe slowly, not making a sound. If I get caught now, it'll be the end of us. I had to do this, for Hongjoong. When I did a few more steps, Hongjoong's eyes caught me immediately, he was the only one seeing me. I froze in my steps, and slowly reached my index finger to my mouth, signaling him to be quiet. He slowly shook his head, his eyes telling me, to stop and run as far as possible. But I did not want to. I moved again, to the door being on my right, being closer and closer. I eyed the door, for a second, averting my eyes off of them.

"What the hell?" A sudden voice made me freeze again. My heart was in my throat. I slowly turned towards them, ready to face the cruel men, but when I turned around I still saw their backs facing me, I let the air escape from the relief. Hongjoong was laughing viciously, his laugh sending chills down my spine. He did this, I guess so he could keep them busy, so they won't notice me. I stepped a few more and finally, I arrived at the office, closing it very slowly.

Okay, think, Y/N, please, think… Who I should call? Who could help us out?

I couldn't call the police, there was no point, they would arrest us as well. I started to panic when a sudden image hit my brain. It popped up like it was in front of me.

When I was at searching for some evidence in Yunho's room, I saw a note on his desk, saying: "In case of emergency" and a phone number was added next to it. Fuck, but I don't remember the numbers, fuck. We were running out of time. I needed to think quickly, as my fingers were already pushing the numbers of the telephone.

"C'mon, pick it up, pick it, please…" I bit my nails in stress.

"Hello?" A familiar voice came from the phone, giving me relief.

"Yeosang, oh my, thank God, you picked it up. Please, listen to me very carefully it's an emergency and I need your help. And please don’t ask anything, I'll tell you everything okay?" I said quickly, trying to not raise my voice.

"Fuck, Y/N, okay, how can I help you?" His voice sounded concerned.

"You need to get to my house, very quickly, please. When I tell you quickly, I say, you can't drive like a snail, you have to break the speeding limits, because it's important." I got nervous as the voices got louder. I was scared they might kill Hongjoong.

Please, keep it up Hongjoong…

"Hey, I'm not driving like a snail, I just keep the rules, bro, as you should too," Yeosang told me offended.

"Fuck, Yeosang, there's no time for this, it's fucking serious, just leave the house already. When you get into our house, you need to go to Yunho's room, hopefully, there's a phone number on his desk on a paper. You have to call it and tell that person, it's an emergency and they got Hongjoong, Yunho is nowhere to be found. And we need help in the boxing club. Please, Yeosang, I know it sounds shit, but I really need your help and to be quick." I explained this shit situation to him, hoping he won't ask questions and just do what I asked.

"Shit, Y/N, okay, I'm already on my way, I got you, please be careful!" I heard Yeosang's voice full of worry.

I heard some noise from the room, becoming closer to me. "Thank you, Yeo, I need to go, I love you." I hung it up immediately, as the door opened, revealing the man from outside, who hit Hongjoong.

"Oh, well, well, what do we get here." He looked at me like I was a snack he wanted to eat right away.

Shit, I'm doomed.

He grabbed my arm and started to pull me out of the office and into the main room. I felt a lot of predator's eyes on me, but one was full of, concern and fear that seemed like he would kill this man right there if he could, just so he could keep me safe. I never took my eyes off Hongjoong's, as the man was grabbing me harder, leaving bruises on my arms, as I tried to wiggle out from his hands.

"Look, what I found— that fucking chick, who escaped from us." His voice was full of anger, as it was hard to admit, how stupid they seemed because I'd got to escape from them.

"Let, her fucking go as long as I say it nicely." Hongjoong's voice seemed demanding, as he grinned with a death glare, his words coming out like venom.

The guy, pushed me down to the floor, smirking.

My hair fell onto my face, from the impact, I kept my arms out to keep myself up. I started to breathe quickly.

Yeosang, please, hurry.

"What? Is she your secretly kept little princess?" The man, who brought me out said, pointing at me with lifted eyebrows.

"Just keep your fucking dirty hands away from her you fucker. She has nothing to do with this." Hongjoong said, looking at the man, now in front of him, that man would be already dead if Hongjoong could murder with only his eyes.

The man leaned down to Hongjoong, being at eye-level with him. "But she has to do something with you. You care for her." He smiled confidently, and Hongjoong suddenly spat on the man's face. It was red, making the man's face bloody. I never saw Hongjoong, this mad. He was shaking in the chair, his muscles were tense, almost breaking apart the rope that tied him to the chair, the veins on his neck thick and tense from the anger.

The man closed his eyes straightened up and turned towards the rest of the guys, his face still full of spit, as he slowly wiped it into his shirt. "Gentlemen, this angel, is our gift from above." He spread his arms, imagining as if he was in a fucking show.

I needed to keep them busy, so they won't hurt Hongjoong and give enough time for Yeosang, so they can come here, in time.

"One, against four and I still won, fuckers." I suddenly said as I felt all eyes on me.

The guy who talked all the way turned towards me. And looked at me like he was surprised that I had the guts to even say something.

"Fuck, Y/N, shut the fuck up!" Hongjoong looked at me furiously.

I didn't look towards him, I was eyeing the man who walked towards me, grabbing me by the collar and pulling me up.

"Can't you just keep your mouth shut, just as your boyfriend told you?" His face was so close to me, I felt his stinky breathing, against my face. It was disgusting. He seemed like he was in his forties. I guess he was the leader of this fucked up gang.

I guess…he was the one, who killed my father.

Anger and adrenaline went through my veins. I couldn't control myself, as I suddenly headbutted him, forcing all my power into the strike. It hurt as fuck, as I felt a bit dizzy from the big impact, everything was blurry for a moment, but it was worth it as he stumbled backward from the impact, pressing his hands to his nose, which I guess broke because I heard a cracking noise. Did I just do that? Wow.

Hongjoong looked at me surprised. "You keep surprising me, sugar." He said, looking at me with a proud smile. There was no time to smile back, as I ran next to him, trying to untie the robe, that tied him to the chair. But the men were quick and one of them immediately caught me, pushing me far away from Hongjoong, letting me go as I couldn't keep my balance and I fell into the ground, my temple hitting the corner of the ring, making it bleed and losing my visibility for a few seconds.

I was just laying on the floor, only hearing Hongjoong's voice as he shouted my name. A few blind minutes passed, and not knowing what was happening, I slowly opened my eyes, I heard movements from where Hongjoong was tied. Dim light hit my eyes, and my head was aching like hell, as I tried to sit up. I saw black figures, but they were more, they were fighting with each other. I suddenly saw a black figure running towards me.

"Hey, sugar, look at me!" I heard Hongjoong's voice wanting to obey to him, but I couldn't. He cupped my face, as I sat up.

"Look at me beautiful, please." I tried to focus on him, he was a blur for a moment, but as I watched him more, blinking a few times, my view started to get clearer, his face being so close to mine, I saw the bruises and little cuts on his face, that made me scream at the world, his eyes were full with concern, as he couldn't lose his long-searched treasure, ever.

"I'm here." I reached my hand to his hands that were on my face. I closed my eyes, as I was leaning into his touch more and more, never wanting to get away from him.

"Thank God." He slowly leaned to my temple and pecked the, now dried, bloody wound.

"Fuck, Y/N, are you okay?" I heard Yeosang's voice.

I looked up at him, and he was leaning on his knees trying to catch his breath.

I started to get emotional, I wanted to cry, as to how grateful I was to him. My eyes started to fill with tears, as I tried to stand up. Hongjoong helped me up, his hands never leaving my waist.

"Yeah, I'm okay, Yeo. Thank you so much for helping us." Tears escaped my eyes, as I hugged him.

"It's nothing, Y/N, I'm glad you are okay." I heard as his voice got weaker too.

I separated from him, looking at Hongjoong, who stepped next to me with his hands immediately on my waist.

"What happened with them?" They weren't here so I thought they were able to catch them.

"We caught one guy, but the rest escaped." Hongjoong ran his fingers through his hair, stressed.

"Fuck, where's Yunho?" I asked when I heard a familiar voice from the exit.

"What the fuck happened?" Yunho ran to us, as the room was now empty, the strange people, who helped us disappeared. Yunho saw my face and grabbed my jaw. "Fuck, why are you here? Did they hurt you?" He looked concerned, his eyes tired, seeming he hadn't been sleeping well recently.

"They attacked me, while I was practicing. Y/N got here later and called help." Hongjoong, reached his hands towards Yunho's, taking off Yunho’s hands of me.

Yunho grabbed his hair. "Fucking shit, who did you call?" He looked at me.

"The number that was on your desk. Actually, Yeosang called it, as I wasn't home. He helped us." I looked at Yeosang gratefully. He came closer to me, reaching his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it, signaling he was by my side. "Who they were?" I turned towards Yunho again.

"Good, they are some friends of Dad, they told me to call them if I get into trouble," Yunho said, sounding a bit more relieved.

"Will you tell me, what is this shit finally, Yunho?" I looked at him, feeling sick of the continuous lying.

He brushed his palms to his face. "I guess it's time. We'll come back in a few, wait for us, please." Yunho said to Hongjoong and Yeosang.

Yunho walked towards the backroom, and I followed him, looking at Hongjoong before I turned away, he nodded encouraging me that everything was going to be alright.

Yunho closed the door, behind me. His face was a little strange, as he looked around. I sat on a little bench pushed to the wall.

"Don't— Don't sit there." He said with a sudden voice. I looked at him with questioning eyes. "What the fuck?" I raised my brows at him.

"Exactly that, just sit somewhere else." He said, trying to avoid my gaze.

"Holy shit." I stood up immediately as my brain was catching on, with the little information I was given. "Oh my God, disgusting, Yunho." I looked at him gasping.

"Shut up!" He still couldn't look into my eyes; his cheeks were blushing.

"Okay, I want to know who is it." I looked at him curiously, folding my arms.

"It's uh—" He scratched his head, being nervous. "It's Mingi." He said looking at me finally.

I gasped. "Oh. My. God." I pressed my hands to my mouth, hiding my smile.

"What?" Yunho looked at me, trying to figure out what was my opinion on that.

"Finally, bro, I always saw the connection between you two, are you kidding, it was a matter of time before you two got married." I smiled at him, feeling relieved that it was Mingi, who had been his best friend for eternity, they were always inseparable and they supported each other all the time. I wasn't blind, it was obvious they were destined to each other, so I was very happy, that they could finally step that little best friend boundary over.

"Really? Was it that obvious?" He asked a smile appearing on his face, as he felt relieved.

"Kind of." I smiled at him, stepping closer to him. "I'm happy for you, Yu."

"Thank you, means a lot." He spread his arms, inviting me to a hug. I stepped closer to him, burying my head into his warm chest. It felt so good to finally hug him after a while. Recently he was so distant with me, that our connection got weaker since our father died. I felt whole again, as a puzzle got into its place again. One still missing.

"So, are you going to tell me, what's this?" I stepped out from his warm hands.

He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. "Yes, sit down, please. Here." He pointed at a chair. As I chuckled.

He sat in the chair opposite me. "Am, where should I start?" He started to think.

"So, you know, Dad got into a gang, not much after Mom died. He was overwhelmed, he couldn’t handle the grief, he lost his job, so he needed money. The solution was stepping into this gang, that did some illegal shit, but they made a lot of money, so I guess it was worth it. Just until Dad, got some common sense, and tried to prevent them from doing whatever they did. He stepped up against them and gathered some of his friends so they can stop those fuckers. At first, it seemed like they stopped; they were quiet for a while. And that was when they took Hongjoong and him. And you know the rest, Hongjoong told me, he already told you what happened.” He looked at me a little disappointed like he knew how much I hurt Hongjoong. “After Dad died…I was restless, I needed to find them, Hongjoong was full of rage too, so we stepped into that gang. We tried to blend in so we could bomb them from the inside, playing with their minds. But somehow, they found out who I was, maybe they overheard us, or they started to become suspicious, I don't know, but that's when they started to attack, you, Hongjoong, and…they even followed Mingi, Y/N." His voice cracked. "I was so scared, they might hurt him, still am, I don't know what would I do without him, I— I think I'd die, it hurts to think of that, I might lose him because I'm dumb and I can't fucking fight off a shit gang." He was mad at himself, for not being able to protect his loved ones.

I looked at him concerned, tears appearing in my eyes, I had never seen Yunho this vulnerable ever, it hurt, it hurt because he was like my other half, I didn't want to see him like this, ever. I stood up stepping closer to him, reaching my hands to cup his face, wiping down his tears. I would burn the whole world for him, I didn’t want to see him like this. Suddenly I understood why was he protecting me like this, like I was a bird in a cage— because…I would've done the same thing, I would've protected him at all costs.

"It's okay, he is fine, we are fine, and everything is going to be okay Yu." I tried to comfort him.

He held my hands, that cupped his face. "We need to, catch them, we need to end this once and for all." He said as he got his strength back, fire lighting up in his eyes.

"We will, those bastards need to get what they deserve," I said revenge starting to boil my blood.

"They will, I'll make sure of that. But you need to stay here." Yunho said, ready to fight with me again.

I looked at him furiously. "You can't do this, Yunho."

"Look." He grabbed my hands and stood up. "Someone needs to be home, if they are coming again, Yeosang will be here, and Mingi as well, for a while. We don't know where they are, their base could be anywhere, we will get it out from the guy we caught. We won't let them run anymore." He explained the plan, he looked so determined, as he wouldn't rest until those bastards were out of the way.

I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling stressed. "I have a bad feeling about this, Yunho. Let's find another solution, there has to be." I looked at him concerned.

"There is no other solution, Y/N, we have to do this." He was restless. So, I had no other choice than to agree.

"Shit, okay. But please, please be careful." My voice came out weak.

"We will, I promise." He embraced me again, in his warm hands.

"Hongjoong has to go too?" I suddenly asked, my heart beating fast, suddenly on the thought.

"If he wants, I won't force him to." He looked at me, curious.

"What's between you two?" He asked frowning.

"Nothing- at least— I don't know, I haven't been able to talk to him," I said honestly, looking down at the floor, now I was the one avoiding Yunho's gaze.

"You should talk to him," Yunho said, as I quickly lifted my head. I thought he was going to be mad, hearing there's something between us.

"What? Aren't you mad?" I asked as my voice sounded surprised.

"No, of course, I am not. I'm actually glad, you got someone like Hongjoong. I saw how he looked at you like you were his everything, he was just scared to step over the boundaries because of me. I know he can be there for you and he can protect you when I'm not there. I'm sorry, that you felt you had no one in the past, I was blinded by revenge I didn't see that you were struggling as well." He admitted, his voice getting sadder.

I didn't say anything, as I was just looking down on my hands, playing with my ring.

"Go rest a bit, because I know you haven't slept in a while, then talk to him. You deserve to clear things out between the two of you." He hugged me again, strongly nearly breaking my bones.

"Okay, okay now let me go," I mumbled into his chest.

We laughed together, and finally, I felt at ease, I felt like a big rock fell off of my chest, and as we finally put the pieces together, everything was in its place, and our relationship with Yunho finally started to heal again.

We were on our way out of the club, and Hongjoong was walking next to me, as he looked at me with a thinking face.

"What?" I looked at him frowning.

"Is that my hoodie?" He asked with the sweetest smile.

"Ahm— no?" I scratched my neck, I felt nervous, little red started to appear on my cheeks.

"It is mine, I know it, I was searching for it for ages. I gave up on finding it, and you had it the whole time?" He was laughing now, he looked sincerely happy.

"Okay, okay, I stole it, but you left it on the couch and it was there for weeks. I thought you don't need it anymore." I smiled at him, I was blushing so hard, that I couldn't look into his eyes.

“You can keep it, looks good on you.” He leaned close to my ear and pecked the skin under my ear.

I chuckled as we reached my car and I turned towards him. "Meet you at home."

He looked at me so adoringly that I felt like I needed to hug him so bad. He nodded, as I opened the door to sit in. On my way home, I smiled the whole time. I couldn't wait until we could finally talk. But first I needed to sleep because I felt like I am going to collapse at any moment.

Hongjoong and Yunho were already home when I arrived there. I stepped inside and they were sitting at the kitchen counter. Yunho saw me and stood up.

"Okay, I think I'm going to check on Mingi, see you later guys." He winked at me and went upstairs.

Hongjoong looked at me, checking me out with warm eyes.

"Go sleep, sugar, it was a tough day." He said while he sipped from his coffee, not taking his eyes off of me.

"Okay." I went to the stairs but suddenly froze. I looked back at him, as he looked at me with questioning eyes. "Do you want to— sleep with me?" I asked feeling a little shy. Where was the confident me, who literally got him to kiss me?! It was just sleeping, c'mon.

He smiled at me with his teeth showing. "Do you want me to sleep with you?" He stood up and came towards me.

I nodded. He held my hand and leaned close to my face. "Okay, sugar." He gave me a warm peck on my left cheek. I felt weak in his presence, it was intimidating.

We went up to my room, still holding hands, and I finally collapsed to my bad, releasing his hands. He went to the other side of the bed, as I slipped under the warm blanket. I was laying on my left side and he was facing me on his right side as he slipped under the blanket too. I moved closer to him; he held my waist caringly pulling me closer to him. I looked at him, but my eyes couldn't focus anymore as my eyelids slowly closed.

"I'm sorry, Joong." I mumbled while I was already half asleep.

"It's okay, sugar, I’m so proud of you, you did so well today." He whispered; his voice sweet like honey. I felt his face closer to me, as he pecked my nose, then my temple, my cheek, and lastly my lips as it lured me to dreamland, I felt safe in his arms, and I never wanted to depart from him. He became my comfort zone all of a sudden.

≫Your arms hugging me around like a chain

A chain that melts into warm honey≪

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A/N: (also you can find out more about Yungi in my bestie's, @bvidzsoo, background story on AO3. I recommend it!!)

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