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kareofbears · 3 years

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margin of error

Sophia knows a lot, but that does not mean she understands much of anything at all.

Or, Sophia struggles to grasp why Akira and Ryuji don't follow her predictive algorithm.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Sophia knows a lot.

She can tell you almost anything in the known world in an instant. Calculate the radius of the sun. Who won Best Picture three years ago. The outfit to wear when you need to 'dress to impress.' Just yesterday, she was able to find them a bath, a takoyaki restaurant, and an overnight camping site within 0.3 milliseconds. That’s not very many seconds.

Sophia knows a lot, but that does not mean she understands much of anything at all.

She’s quiet while she’s propped on the phone stand, watching the rest of them lounge in the RV. There’s a shape to the interior that wasn’t there before—where it had been pristine when they had first gotten it, now it’s littered with crumbs and instant-food packaging despite Makoto’s half-hearted attempts at scolding them for it. Empty surfaces are filled with knick-knacks, stuffies and a plastic ramen bowl rattling gently along with the RV.

There’s a rare lull amongst them, a moment of quiet. Most of them were napping away the road, gently snoring and bodies jostling whenever a pothole hits, oblivious to the scenery that passes by. Only the soft tunes of pop music from the front and the hum of the engine broke the quiet.

Other than Makoto, there were only two people awake: Akira, scribbling in his journal, and Ryuji, watching him do it. They sat across from each other in the booth, with Ryuji’s chin propped against his hand.

Probability and pinpoint accuracy is what she excels at, and being able to apply them to her friends excites her. Not to mention, she hasn’t been wrong yet.

Idly, she runs the numbers—according to the data she’s collected from spending time with them, the silence will be broken by Ryuji within approximately two minutes. Pulling up a time from within Akira’s phone, she waits eagerly.

A minute passes, and then another. And another. Akira is still scribbling in his neat penmanship and Ryuji is still watching him doing it, unspeaking.

Frowning, she double-checks her calculations. No errors that she can see. It seems that he simply does not want to speak. This is surprising, and very unlike him. He is not usually this quiet. In the Metaverse, he is by far the loudest of them; calling on his Persona’s name can often leave her own ears ringing.

The real world does not stray from that data. His voice is clear in crowded areas, helpful in guiding their big group throughout bustling cities. He is often shushed by the girls when they are trying to sleep at night—Futaba even goes as far as to kick the ceiling from her bunk bed.

The data is strong and sure. There should not be a reason that she should be wrong in this assumption unless there’s a confounding variable that she had missed.

Akira looks up and catches his eye. “Am I boring you?” he asks quietly.

Ryuji shakes his head, grinning. “Couldn’t be happier,” he whispers back.

Sophia’s about to ask when Makoto cuts her off.

“Wake up everyone. We’re here.”

—

“Okay,” Akira calls. His voice isn’t raised, despite the crowded street of downtown Sendai, but they all straighten up. “We’re probably not going to spend too much time here, especially once we take over the Jail. Grab what you need now—snacks for the trip. Shopping. Souvenirs. Frozen pineapple. Any questions?” Yusuke raises his hand. “Yes, I’ll pay for you.” The hand falls back down, relieved.

“Cool. How about we meet back here…” he squints at the large clock hanging on the wall, hand blocking out the blaring sun. “In an hour?”

A chorus of agreements rolls through them as they rush out, excited to explore a new city. “Good speech,” Sophia pipes up from his hand. “Do you do them often?”

“I try not to,” he yawns. His thick black hair is even more unruly than usual, glasses barely hiding the light blue that’s beginning to form underneath his eyes. “Most of the time, they can handle themselves fine. All they need is a schedule and some rules to work with.”

When she doesn’t answer, Akira brings his phone up. “What? Did I say something?”

“It’s because she’s worried about you, you moron,” a disgruntled voice says.

Akira’s gaze flickers towards it. “You’re still here?”

“Of course I am,” Ryuji says. “You really think I’d leave without saying goodbye? Glad I didn’t either, cause you look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“Still pretty, though. No worries about that part.” He shoves his hand deep in his pocket, stray yen clinking against each other as he rummages. After a moment, he throws something at Akira. “Catch.”

He plucks it out from the air with ease. “Car keys?” he asks, surprised.

“Grabbed them from Makoto before she ran off for stationery shopping.” Ryuji reaches forward, gently turning Akira’s head this way and that, frowning. “I told you to quit staying up so late. You’re exhausted.”

“I am not.”

“He is,” Sophia refutes. “Last night, he had approximately four hours of sleep, with only four minutes of that being REM sleep.”

“I told you. She’s even bringing up computer stuff now.”

“I think you are thinking about RAM, Ryuji.”

“Whatever,” he shakes his head. “Look, just head to the RV, get some shut-eye. You can finally sleep in a proper bed that isn’t an overheating tent with three sweaty dudes and a cat. Oh, and trade phones with me.”

He hands it over without hesitation, sliding Ryuji’s phone into his own pocket. “Why?”

“You have the grocery list in here, yeah? Not to mention, I don’t want Sophia getting bored while you nap it up.” He looks down at her. “Hi, by the way.”

“Hi!”

Akira still doesn’t seem convinced. “But I promised Yusuke—”

“Who’s with Ann now, shopping like they’d die if they didn’t get the perfect skirt to fit her next shoot,” he says, uncompromising. “Chill. It’s fine. We’ll survive an hour without Joker keeping an eye on us.”

They stare each other down for a long moment with Sophia watching. She does not need to run the numbers on this one; Akira will not allow himself to go back to the RV.

To her surprise, he relents. “Twenty minutes.”

Ryuji scoffs. “We’ll see about that. You suck at waking up.”

“Shut up.” And then, quieter, “Thank you.”

“You know I got your back.”

He yawns once more, slowly walking back to their car. “Sophia, please make sure that when he gets the Pocky to get the strawberry one. Futaba won’t eat anything else. And also that Haru wanted doilies to make the place look nicer. White, if you can find them.”

“Roger that,” she replies, distracted. How is she wrong again? This is troubling.

“My hoodie’s in my bag if you get cold!” Ryuji calls out. Akira throws him a thumbs up without looking back. “Jeez, that guy. He’s gonna run himself to the ground before he’s thirty, I swear. Like some geezer with a bad back but with really good hairline or something.”

An old man with a thick head of hair shoots him a glare as he passes by them. Ryuji laughs, high-pitched. “Yikes, that was awkward. Let’s get out of here, we need to hit up the grocery store before they run out of carrots.”

Sophia doesn’t answer, too deep in her thoughts and running endless calculations.

—

It’s impossible for her to get a headache, but her code is trying its best to give her one.

Two mistakes now. That isn’t allowed to happen. She’s lucky that they were both relatively small errors, but it can easily become a bigger problem. What can she do?

Luckily, that had a very simple answer.

“Ryuji?”

“Hmm?” He peels his eyes away from scrutinizing the oranges in his hands, the wires from his earphones swaying when he does. After one too many strange looks when he talks to nothing, it was just better to act like he was on a phone call. “Yeah?”

“I have a question.”

“What am I, a teacher?” he snorts. “If you got a question, go ahead. Friends can do that.”

That’s right. They’re friends, and friends have trust in one another. Sophia jotted that down as lesson number forty-eight, thirteen days ago.

“Okay,” she says. Questions float around her, and she picks the one that’s giving her the most stress. “If I was not as useful as you think I am, would we still remain friends?”

The orange tumbles out of his grip, and he rushes to catch it before it hits the ground. “Wha—!” he stutters out. “Duh! Obviously! What the—where the hell did that come from? Did we do something to think that we’d just ditch you like that?” he lifts the phone so that she was eye-level with him. “Be honest,” he says seriously, quickly. “Did I say something to hurt your feelings? I do that sometimes, and I’m working on it, and I know that’s no excuse—”

“You did not say anything to hurt my feelings,” she says before he spirals even further. “In fact, I do not have feelings for you to hurt.”

Relief blooms on his expression, and he sags his body against the fruit display. “Okay, good. Good. Thought I was gonna get a heart attack. I’d be pissed at myself if I did, and I just know Akira would give me so much shit.” He sighs, ridding himself of panic before giving him her full attention. “So what’s up?

“Sir…” an employee shuffles towards them, hands shaking knees knocking against each other. He is afraid, she notes, but of what? “I’m sorry, but it’s against store policy to lean on the product. Please try to understand.”

“Oh, shoot!” Ryuji exclaims, straightening up. “Sorry, man. I didn’t even realize. I think I squished an orange, but I’ll buy it so your boss doesn’t give you hell for that one.”

The employee blinks. “You would?” he says, shocked. “That would be great, actually. Thank you so much!”

“Don’t sweat it,” he waves it off. Tugging the shopping cart, he places Sophia where they’d normally put babies. “Hope he doesn’t get in trouble. I feel kinda bad.”

She thinks for a moment. “Ryuji, why was that man afraid?”

Swiftly, red rushes to his cheeks. “That obvious? Aw, man.”

“I don’t know if it was obvious, but all the signs were there,” she says, watching as he ducks his head, embarrassed. “What is happening? I do not understand.”

“It’s just—” his eyes shift sideways, meeting the eye of a young girl. Immediately, she directs her gaze downwards. “I look really scary to people.”

“You do?” It isn’t in her program to doubt, but she is rather skeptical. During the entire trip, he has been nothing but kind to her. Yes, there are times when he has arguments with others in the group, but more often than not it’s him that’s being teased rather than the other way around. “Why? You aren’t even that tall.”

“Ouch?”

“I’m just saying that you are not scary to me, so I don’t really understand why other people would be.”

He sighs, picking up a box of miso unseeingly. “It’s a combination of a lot of things. My hair’s bleached, and people usually see that as like, punk or whatever. My posture sucks and my voice is loud.” Shrugging, he throws it in the cart. “It doesn’t really bug me though. At least that means strangers usually don’t bother the group, cause they think I’ll kick their ass.”

“And would you?” Sophia crosses off miso. Only bandages are left on the list, but the cart is filled with snacks, sodas, and a small cactus. “‘Kick their ass?’”

“No way. If I did, my mom would kick my ass, and I can’t pull that shit twice in a lifetime.” Pushing the cart, they slowly meander through the aisles, occasionally looking at what’s on sale. Ryuji tosses in rainbow marshmallows, and after a moment, reluctantly puts it back.

“But you know,” he says eventually. “If someone was bothering the group, it’s not as if I’d just let it happen.”

She considers his answer. “You are tough,” she concludes. “But not scary.”

“Uh, yes,” he says, unsure. And then, with more conviction, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Got it. ‘Ryuji is tough, but other people are terrified of him.’ I will make a note of that.” He looks like he wants to say something, but she keeps going. “Synonyms for ‘tough’: robust, stalwart, and strong. Would you say that’s accurate?”

He laughs, disbelieving. “No idea what the first two meant, but the third one isn’t right.”

“Why not? You can fight Shadows. Your muscle ratio is high. One time, when Futaba couldn’t unscrew her water bottle, you did it with no problem.”

“Because, Sophia,” Ryuji picks up gummy worms, and turns to her with pleading eyes. When she shakes her head, he puts it back on the shelf with a grimace. “Strength isn’t always about muscles and who can kill what. It’s more than that.”

It seems as though he doesn’t want to speak about this anymore, but the topic is too interesting to stop here. “Explain, please.”

“It’s...it’s like mental strength,” he says begrudgingly. “Like if someone failed an exam they studied real hard for, mental strength would help them get through a tough situation like that. Like Akira.”

“Akira has high mental strength?”

“Oh, the highest out of all of us without a doubt. The world could explode and he’d be all—” Ryuji lowers his voice by an octave. “‘Here’s what we can do,’ and then fix it somehow. That’s just the kind of guy he is. All plans and no fear.”

All plans and no fear is a good way of describing Joker. “And you aren’t like that?”

“No way. Have you ever seen me have a plan in my life? I’m more of an ‘act before I can talk myself out of it’ person. Usually works out fine in the end. Besides, he does it enough for the both of us.” His eyes light up. “Do you think if I get the panda bandages, it would work better in the Metaverse? Cause of the brain stuff?”

“I think so, as long as it makes people think it works better.”

“Great.” Ryuji tosses it in with the rest. “And I think we got everything! Let’s head out. If we’re lucky, we can grab some ice cream before we meet up with the rest of them.”

“Good job! But you may want to consider removing the orange soda. Makoto is already unhappy with how much junk food you are always eating.”

“Fine. I’m keeping the cactus though.”

It was only when they’re all sleeping back in the RV when she realizes that she never got to ask him her actual question. Actually, she ended up with even more questions than when she began.

Maybe she’ll have better luck asking Akira instead.

—

They, or rather Akira, have their knees buried in a patch of grass in the middle of Sapporo with a small pile of four-leaf clovers by his ankles when she decides it would be appropriate to ask him.

“Akira, can I ask—” she pauses, and tries again. “I have a question.”

His face is so close to the ground that even the dirt would realize that his glasses don’t have prescription, and people are shooting him worried looks that he completely ignores. “Shoot.”

“Actually, I have many questions, and I’m hoping you’ll answer all of them as honestly as you can in order to have the most accurate data possible.”

“Research?”

More often than not, Akira has been giving her information about the world that she does not have access to. Slang terms that Futaba yells out in frustration, Ann’s tendency to jump from one topic to the next with little regard to who she’s talking to. It’s all confusing to Sophia, so she makes sure to memorize all of these instances and bring it to him for clarification.

“Sort of,” she says. “Some of my predictions have been off lately, and I am trying to figure out why.”

“Sure. Oh, another one.” Gently, he plucks it from the soil and gently places it with the others. “For Haru. Apparently, she’s really struggling with economics, so hopefully this helps her out next semester.”

“How many more?”

“Four,” he replies. “Yusuke, Sojiro, Akane, and Ryuji.”

She frowns. “Ryuji already has one.”

“He’s going to need more than one.” Akira turns to her, distressed. “Entrance exams are coming up.”

“Oh.”

“Yup,” he turns back to his task. “Anyway, you had a question?”

“Right,” she says, clearing her throat: a sign of taking a more serious tone. “Why are you scared of Ryuji?”

Akira freezes. Sophia waits patiently. But after a moment, then two, then five, there is still no reaction from him. And then slowly, he faces her with a blank expression.

She has not known Kurusu Akira for very long—only a few weeks in fact. But in that time, she feels that she has come to learn a lot about him. For instance, he does not like pears. He also finds grocery shopping relaxing, and he would die for his friends. Another thing she has learned from him is that he is very quiet; even in the Metaverse, amidst the explosions and gunshots, he does not yell. It is not as if he has nothing to say, but rather he would rather express himself through gestures and the odd comment here and there. He is much happier to let the people around him carry the conversation for him.

Shock racks through her as he bursts out laughing. His shoulders move up and down as laughs pour out of him uncontrollably. “What—?” he tries, pushing his glasses atop his head. It’s almost hidden amongst his thick, black locks. “Did you seriously ask if I was afraid of Ryuji? Sakamoto Ryuji? Blond guy, helps out in the Metaverse? My best friend?”

“Um.” This was not what she was expecting, despite having no expectations to begin with. “Yes.”

He sighs, content. “I really have to thank you, Sophia.” Akira brings his glasses back to his nose, the corners of his mouth quirked up. “That was really good. Haven’t laughed that hard since Yusuke thought Italy was near Mexico.”

She tilts her head sideways. “I was not joking.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He sits up, crossing his legs over each other, giving her his full attention. “Tell me why you thought I was scared of him.” Even as he’s sobered up, he can’t quite finish the sentence without smiling.

“My predictions have been off lately,” she says, a wrinkle between her brows. “This is normal—predictions by their nature cannot always be right. However, I’ve noticed that they’re incorrect more often lately. I ran the data, and these errors are related to two things:” Sophia brings her hand to the screen so that he can see properly. “You and him, as a unit. Individually, there doesn’t seem to be any errors. It is specifically when you are being measured together that creates mistakes. My prognosis on everyone else in the group creates more stable and accurate results.”

Sophia twists her hair in her hands. “The only reason it would be wrong is because of a confounding variable. Maybe there’s something between the two of you that others do not have. So I thought that answer—”

“Was fear,” he finishes. There’s an odd tone in his voice that she doesn’t comprehend. His gray eyes, sharp but never unkind. “I see where you’re coming from. But, and I can swear on this fact—it isn’t fear. I am not, nor will I ever be, afraid of him.”

She deflates. Wrong again. “And he’s not afraid of you?” she asks, out of desperation than anything.

Akira thinks for a moment. “Do you remember when I was cooking, and Ryuji went in to smell the broth, and knocked the whole thing over and onto my suitcase?” She nods. She had taken many pictures of that moment. “He felt really guilty, but he wasn’t scared of my reaction. He was more scared that he had ruined my stuff. You know what I mean?”

“I think I do.”

He bops the top of his phone a few times, an odd resemblance of patting her head. “Cool.”

Sophia stares at the road past their garden of clovers. Cars speed forward, too quick for her to focus on what the driver looks like. It’s hot today, but she doesn’t feel it. She runs her data one more time. “Akira, do you love Ryuji?”

His hands do not pause. “I love all my friends,” he answers simply.

—

At the end of the day, it does not matter if her attempts at predicting the future are fruitless. If she is in fact humanity’s companion, her code makes sure of one thing above all else: to help humanity with any of their endeavors.

That’s a tall order, especially when there are 7,874,965,825 humans within that humanity at this moment. Sophia is only one being, and realism is etched into her. To make things simple, she gave herself a domain of discourse. A sample size. Narrowing what she can do, and who she can help. The entirety of humanity then, at least in Sophia’s mind, falls under the Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

Sapporo is freezing. Frosty. Crisp. Chilly.

“Fucking cold!” Ryuji shivers, jogging around them in an effort to get warm. “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.”

“Even with the space heaters on, it seems that the winter isn’t interested in going anywhere,” Makoto says. She’s standing uncomfortably close to Ann, trying to leech off of her inherent heat. Actually, she wasn’t the only one—Haru is also inching her way to her. “It should probably get better once we start moving. Good thing we won’t be here long.”

Yusuke nods, unperturbed. “Yes, this should be a quick run. We’re just here to collect a desire gone astray, yes?” It seems that the ice does little to bother him. “Oracle, can you find its location?” No response. “Oracle?”

He glances to the ground, sighing when he finds her on the ground, eyes closed and breathing deeply. “Wake up,” he says, nudging her with his boot. When she doesn’t move, Yusuke throws an exasperated look at Akira.

Reluctantly, he nods. “Yeah, yeah, I got her,” he says, summoning Queen Mab. Instantly, the temperature seems to rise, just a little bit. Scooping her up, Akira shakes her roughly like a particularly malicious sack of flour. “Wake up, your space heater’s here.”

“This may be a quick run,” Haru says. “But it doesn’t mean we should take this any less seriously. Someone’s desire got lost on its way back, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, that sounds—Mona, get off my leg—about right.” Ann squints her eyes along the horizon. “It’s far, right? If we start moving now, we can probably work off the frost on our skin.”

“Yeah, it’s about…” Futaba yawns as Akira sets her on her feet. “Twenty-minute walk? Ten-minute run, but unless you want me slipping and turning the ice red, we’re gonna want to slow down.”

Akira touches his mask. “Agi.” A wave of heat rushes over them, and she sighs, grateful for the respite. “Hopefully that helped a little. But it won’t last long, and we shouldn’t waste energy warming up. Quick recap—someone lost their desire, we’re here to make sure it gets back. Our top priority is getting that desire back as quick as possible. Questions?”

Sophia raises her hand.

“Yup?”

“Did you say top priority?”

“Yes, I did say top priority.”

“Understood!” she chirps, making a note in her head. It was hard to concentrate when she felt like her insides were freezing up.

Another hand shoots up.

“Noir?”

“I don’t have a question. I just think you’re doing a wonderful job.”

“Thank you, Noir. Always a pleasure.” He looks around, nodding. “Alright. If that’s it, then let’s do this thing.”

They all move ahead, wary of their footing. Sophia frowns as she scuttles forward, scared of being left behind. There is no room for error here. If she feels that she is not useful in the real world, then she can at least utilize her talents here. And the first step to doing that is to make sure she is doing two things:

1) Not slow

2) Won’t trip

After a while, she looks up and feels her eyes bulge. How did they get so far already? Sophia can hardly see them anymore, especially with the slight fog that’s beginning to emerge. She has to get there faster.

Failed step number one already. For once, she’s glad she wasn’t hardcoded with emotions, or else humiliation would be overwhelming. Quickening her pace, she’s determined to do this correctly. One foot, then the next. One foot, then the next. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left—

She slips.

With a gasp, she moves to twist her body so that it wasn’t her head that would take the impact, and closes her eyes shut.

Just before she slams into the ice, arms grab her torso, swinging her forward. “Whoa there, shorty!”

Ryuji uses the momentum to swing her onto his back, and she latches around her neck, bewildered. “You okay? Almost got knocked out before any Shadow got to us.”

“Yes,” she replies, breathless. “Thank you for saving me. That would have been bad.”

“No prob!” he marches onward as if he wasn’t carrying an entire human being on his back while treading through sleet.

“...You can settle me down if you’d like.”

“I would not like.” He grins, boots finding matte ice with ease. “I kinda love carrying you like this. Not like I can do this in the real world, can I? ‘Sides, Futaba would chew my head off if I tried it with her.”

“Have you?”

“Maybe.”

She laughs as they finally reconvene with the rest of them. When Akira turns to them, his expression softens with relief. “All good?”

“All good,” Ryuji says. “Nothing Sophie and I can’t handle.” He raises his fist at her, and she bumps it enthusiastically. Lesson twenty-three: never refuse a fist-bump. It’s one of her favorites.

“Stop, stop, stop, stop!” Futaba calls out from beside Ann, arms were linked as if they were strolling through a park, and not a Shadow-infested land. “I said stop!”

“We heard you the first time!” Morgana yowls. “Are we here?”

“We’re close. Kinda weird though.” She smacks the side of her goggles a few times impatiently. “Nothing’s showing up.”

“Lucky!” Ann whoops. “Let’s get this over with and get some gelato!”

Rounding the corner of an empty street, Yusuke points forward to a glowing heart, beating in time to its pulsing light. “That’s it, I take it?”

“I can get it.” Sophia pats Ryuji’s shoulder, and he lets her down. “That way, we can finish this as soon as possible.”

She runs forward, eager.

“Wait—!” Futaba cries out from behind her. “We’re getting ambushed!”

As she says it, footsteps surround them, the clanging of weapons and the grunts of Shadows appearing out of nowhere. She starts to run faster, terrified of slipping but pushes on anyway. She can do this.

“Shit,” Akira hisses. “Sophie, come back here!”

Sophia ignores him, the Desire almost in her reach when she feels it. A cold breeze, impossibly colder than the temperature before, almost seems to pierce through her skin. She did not need to turn around to know what it was—every cell in her body is screaming it for her.

A curse. A strong one that would have no problem wiping her out like fly on the RV’s windshield wiper.

Would she at least be able to save the Desire? Even if she ceases to exist? Would it be worth it then? It should be, since this is what she was made for.

Something solid shoves her from behind, and she gives out a yell before hitting the ground, hard.

“What…?” she mutters, disoriented. Somehow, she isn’t dead, or even near death. Shaking her head, she grasps for the Desire in front of her before turning around.

Instantly, her heart stops. The Desire in her hand continues to pulse steadily as she stares down at Ryuji, collapsed on the ground.

“Skull?” she whispers. Leaning down, she can still hear his breathing, though it’s faint. Her hand reaches out, before she remembers. Top priority. The Desire needs to get to Joker first.

The ground begins to rumble, and Sophia looks up in time to see an arch of glowing white explode. Every Shadow is eviscerated, their ashes scattering violently at the aftershock of wind that follows from the impact. Concrete cracks, snow blows away. Without a doubt, it’s an attack from a Persona user, but she has no idea who it came from.

As the dust settles, stray bits of ice falling from the sky like hail, Akira shoots out from the fog. He’s moving faster than she’s ever seen him, and there’s a desperation to his movements that throws her off-guard. Maybe he didn’t see yet? Sophia steps forward.

“Joker!” she calls out when he gets closer, thrusting her hand forward. “I got the Desire!”

He rushes past her without a blink.

Akira skids to his knees. “Ryuji!” When there’s no answer, he pulls Ryuji to his knees, resting his head on his lap. Akira presses his fingers against the pulse on his neck, concentrating intensely. Then he grits his teeth. “I can work with this.”

More footsteps. Familiar ones. “Dammit, Joker!” Morgana says. “You can’t just throw around attacks like that, especially with such weak enemies. You know how draining that spell is.”

He ignores him. Akira removes Ryuji’s mask with great care, setting it aside, before touching his own. “Aid me, Sarasvati.”

“Joker?” she tries.

A floating woman donned in green with a delicate instrument in her long fingertips appeared from the fibers of his mask, her expression kind and tender.

“Joker.”

Healing power flows through his hands, so potent that it glows green. Sweat pours from his brow, and his wrist begins to tremble with effort.

“Joker!”

“What, Sophie?” he rounds on her, gray eyes intense.

“I got the Desire!” she announces triumphantly.

A beat passes. And then another. It was as if there was never even a deafening battle not one minute prior.

When Akira finally speaks, his voice is low. “Panther, take Sophie away please.”

Her breathing stops. She could not inhale the air even if it was demanded of her. Akira turns back to Ryuji, but Sophia’s eyes stuck to him—like she was hypnotized, cemented to the back of his head, unable to look away. Every inch of her body is numb, but none of it has anything to do with the cold.

Ann gently takes her hand, hot as iron against hers, and takes the Desire in the other. “Come on, Soph. Let’s go for a walk, huh?”

She lets herself be led away, blank and unseeing, a part of her staying wishing to stay behind to...what? She didn’t know. There’s so much she doesn’t know.

They keep walking, rounding street corners, quietly passing underneath frozen lamp posts. Sophia wasn’t sure where they were going, but she didn’t bother to ask. Eventually, they duck underneath a railing, Ann covering her head to make sure she doesn’t accidentally bang her skull against the metal. When they straight up, she blinks.

“A heater?”

“Yeah,” Ann sighs, flopping down on a toppled column as if it were a sofa. “I figured if we were going to talk, you might as well stop shivering during that time.” At her words, Sophia realizes how hard she was shaking. Ann pats the spot beside her. “Sit. Nothing a little girl talk can’t fix.” She does.

At her silence, Ann hums. “Cold, isn’t it? You guys haven’t stopped complaining since we got here. I’m super lucky that Carmen’s here to help me. Warms me up even better than this heater, if you can imagine that. Completely different from the real world, where we feel like we’re going to burst into flames any second.” She yawns. “But god, there’s no one in all of Japan that can run his mouth about the weather like Ryuji.” Sophia clenches her fist, but she keeps going, speaking almost wistfully. “I mean, he’s just so loud, you know? Like, how many times have we driven by cows on this trip, and he’d literally wake us all up just to show us? Not to mention, he eats up all the food and snores like crazy. God, one time I invited everyone over at my place, and he just slept in my bed when he got tired! Who does that?”

Ann sighs. “But man, I’ve never met someone more devoted to his friends than him. Sometimes, he’d even give ‘Kira a run for his money, the way he’d just drop everything and run to where trouble is. Day or night, that idiot would show up on your doorstep the minute you shoot him a text, wearing the most ridiculous pajamas you’ve ever seen,” she scoffs. “He started the Thieves with Akira, you know? All gung ho about justice and stuff, you should’ve seen it. And he had the spine to back it up, too.” She smiles, just a little. “Don’t tell him, but I think he’s really, really cool.”

A drop of water hits Sophia’s wrist. And another. And another, until her vision blurs and her chest is heaving. “I just—” she sobs without restraint. “I was just trying to help. I just want to be useful and do what I was made to do, and Akira said from before that this—this was the top priority, and I even made sure, so I asked, but when I finally got the Desire and I was so sure that I’d finally done something right...” the image of Akira’s cold gaze makes her flinch, hard. “He’s just so mad at me, Ann. And Ryuji—” she chokes on his name like a curse, her tongue tumbling over it as if it were getting caught in a lie. “He protected me from before, but he said he was tough, so I thought it was okay since the Desire was the top priority but he got hurt because of me.”

“I don’t even know what I’m feeling, or why I’m crying, or why you’re being so nice to me even though I know I did something bad! I just—” Sophia buries her face in her hands, muffling her scream. “I just don’t understand anything!”

Warm hands rub her back. “I know,” Ann says quietly. “You’re trying your best. We all get that, and we all think you’re doing an A-plus job.” She pauses. “Sophia, Ryuji didn’t take the hit for you because he was thinking about the Desire. He did it because he didn’t want to see you hurt.”

That makes Sophia peek up. “But that was the top priority, wasn’t it?”

“Uh-huh, but that wasn’t his heart’s top priority.” Ann pokes her temple. “That whole logic and calculation thing you have going on is good and stuff, but the thing about the human heart is that you can’t always choose why you do things, or how you react in certain situations. I bet you anything that he totally forgot that we were even looking for this thing when he pushed you,” she waves the beating heart in her hand, still glowing. “And that’s also why Akira got a little mad at you from before.”

She deflates. “He hates me,” she mumbles, feeling her insides churn uncomfortably.

“That boy doesn’t have the time in his schedule to hate anyone,” Ann reassures her. “He’s just...really, really terrified.”

“But why?” Sophia’s starting to despise that word. “He already knew that he was okay. Why would he still be worried?”

Ann looks up, thinking. “You really love and care about Ryuji, right?”

Love was still a foreign concept to her, but for once the answer came forth with ease. “Yes.”

“Take that feeling, that dense, little ball of love and adoration in your tiny body, and multiply that by about eighteen million. That’s probably about the range of what Akira feels about him.”

She quickly runs the numbers. “Whoa.”

“Yeah. Kinda scary, huh?”

It is scary. With numbers this high, she can only begin to imagine what it felt like for Akira to think that he might be seriously hurt, or even worse, dead. All because of Sophia.

“Hey now, I know that look!” Ann flicks her forehead. “I don’t want you to get all mopey about this. You said it yourself—he’s a tough guy. The toughest there is, but don’t tell him that. It’ll go straight to his empty head.”

She stands with exuberance, stretching. “Alright, I think we’re about done here. How we feeling? You ready to go back?”

No. Her heart speeds up at the thought of going back, her shoulders tensing in on itself, but somehow it would be worse to stay here. “I’m ready.”

“That’s what we like to hear!” Ann cheers. “No chickening out now, okay? You can do this.”

“I can do this.” Sophia repeats, and then, louder: “I can do this!

“Yay! And Sophie?” she looks up in time to see Ann giving her a warm look. “Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean we love you any less. You are allowed to be confused and make mistakes. Do you understand that?”

Sophia smiles wide. “I understand.”

—

They were a block away from the rest of the group when Akira emerged from the fog. With his black attire and dark hair, he could have looked like a picturesque horror movie figure, but somehow his expression ruined that facade the moment she saw it.

“I’m going on ahead,” Ann says when Sophia stops in front of him. “Someone has to make sure Futaba doesn’t sleep on us again.”

“Thanks,” he answers. Then, to Sophia, “Hi.”

“Hi, Joker.” She’s been practicing her speech the entire way back, her points all lined up in her mind, all leading up to the big apology. “I—”

“Pause,” he cuts in, and she shrinks. Is he still mad? She can’t read his expression. He kneels in front of her, squinting, and it suddenly shifts to horror. “Did...did you cry? Did I make you cry?”

“No,” she says quickly, but he doesn’t believe her for even a minute. “Yes. Sorry.”

“Oh god, no, please don’t apologize. Shit,” he rubs the back of his neck, sighing. It’s guilt, she realizes with a shock. “I’m such an asshole. I can’t believe I let myself lash out like that. A thousand apologies won’t even be enough. I was scared out of my mind, but that doesn’t mean I can just treat you like that. I even sent you away, like you’re some sort of kid,” he winces. “I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me?”

She stares at him. “I was supposed to say that stuff.”

He looks taken aback by her words. “No? How could you have known that we would have been ambushed? Ugh, I’m so dumb. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” Akira sends her a pointed look. “Though, you really shouldn’t split off from the group next time. Top priority means important, but above all else is your safety. Put that in your code.”

“I will,” she promises.

“Good. And the second priority is—” he reaches forward and engulfs her in a tight hug. “Is that you won’t ever, ever think that I’d hate you.”

She frowns. “How did you know?”

“A hunch.” Beat. “Also, Ann gave me a look.” He pulls back. “Are we still friends?”

Relief washes into her, crashing like a wave. “Of course,” she says, before hesitating. “Is…?”

“Yeah, he is.” Akira rolls his eyes, but there is no hiding the grin that takes over him. “A little too good, actually. He hasn’t stopped running around since I poured some energy back into him. I kind of think I overdid it, actually. Oh, and he’s excited to see you again.”

“He is?” she asks, hopeful.

“Absolutely. Asked about you the minute he came to.” Akira gets to his feet. “Shall we say hi?”

“Please.”

As they walk back, an epiphany takes over her. “Oh!” she exclaims, making Akira jump. “I get it now.”

“What’s up?”

“You love Ryuji.”

“That’s right,” he raises a brow.

She shakes her head. “You love Ryuji,” she insists. Even accounting for a margin of error, there’s simply no mistaking her results.

Akira stares at her for a long moment, before huffing out a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he says softly.

The moment Ryuji sees her, she sprints, throwing caution to the wind as she leaps into his arms. He catches her without hesitation. “Glad to see you’re safe, shorty.”

Sophia knows a lot of things, but there’s also a lot she doesn’t understand. But that’s fine. She’ll get there, and her friends will be waiting for her when she does.

#p5 #fic tag #margin of error #mine #ryuji sakamoto #sophia #no p5s spoilers sans the locations #kiss ryuji day #just a quick thing yeah sure 7k is quick #my moon and stars #the leader and his right hand man #big shoutout to pear for holding my hand while i had a breakdown in life and decided to write this #akira kurusu

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roberttchase · 3 years

Note

helping your partner into the shower, undressing and cleaning them up when they're too upset to do it themselves + Brettsey 🙂🙂

I love this prompt so much!!! Thank you! I know I normally do angst, like...lots of angst. But I have a test today that if I don't pass will seriously hinder me, so I'm writing something a little more lighthearted and fluffy. Hope that's ok!

The thing is, they've been going back and forth with this seller for almost a week. There's two other couples with offers on the table, but they've really been hopeful. I mean...come on. Who wouldn't want to sell to a paramedic in charge and captain of the Chicago Fire Department? The house has everything, too. It's a modest three bedroom only a couple of miles from the firehouse, in an area that; for Chicago, is pretty safe.

The house itself is white, slightly weathered from the rain and snow that the city brings. The doors and molding are black, and it looks like something out of one of Sylvie's HGTV shows. Logically, she's aware they could paint any house, but this one's perfect. The closet in the master is big enough that both she and Matt can use it at the same time, the current owners have just put in a new, very large bathtub. One of the other bedrooms is the perfect distance away for what needs to be a nursery, if miss Adelaide plans on getting here anytime soon.

Sighing, Sylvie swallows thickly as she and Matt listen to the voice on the other side of the phone telling them that the home's just been sold to another couple. Blinking hard, Sylvie stays quiet, and while Matt thanks the man, the blonde wanders over to the window near the couch. It's not that she doesn't love the apartment they're in now- it's more spacious than her old one, and it holds wonderful memories for her and her fiance. But. It's not right for a family.

Beau, their little french bulldog, waddles over and gives a huff as he looks up, then stands on his hind legs, front paws against her leg. Slowly, much slower than she would have seven months ago, Sylvie bends down and picks their thirteen pound dog up, careful not to bonk him into her ever growing belly.

"Hey Beau, looks like you're going to have to wait a little longer on that yard," she whispers, and Sylvie can feel tears accumulating. That's one thing she's been struggling with as her pregnancy gets further along- getting more emotional. But this is a valid excuse to be emotional, she thinks, as she hugs the black and white pup tighter. That was supposed to be their home. And just like that someone else got it. A few tears fall.

She's unaware of Matt's presence until arms are sliding around her from behind, hands coming to rest on her (still small for seven months) bump.

"We'll figure it out. This just means that somewhere there's an even better place out there for us. What does your dad always say...everything has a way of working out?"

A tight nod of her head and she turns, letting Beau down before curling into Matt's arms. The mention of her father has her heart aching to see him again. "Y-Yeah."

"We'll look around tomorrow. It'll be okay. We still have plenty of time before Ads comes along. I promise Sunshine." With a kiss to her forehead, Matt tilts her head up by her jaw, and blue eyes meet blue-green. "I love you."

"I love you too." Her voice is still wobbly. "I just...that house was perfect. In the perfect area, an-"

"Let's not dwell on it, yeah? How about we go shower like you had said you wanted to, then we can order some food and watch Hocus Pocus, hmm?"

A smile starts tugging at her lips. Sylvie knows Matt's tired of watching the Disney movie, but it's one of her favorites, especially when she's upset or sick. It's been playing more often since it's become Autumn and the spooky decor has started filtering in and pushing back to school items in the stores out.

"Really?"

"I think I can manage sitting through it one more time. But only for you. Come on."

With a tug of her hand, Matt pulls her towards the bathroom right next to their bedroom. As she closes the door, she watches the firefighter squat down and grab her favorite lotion for afterwards.

"Thank you...for taking care of me and Adelaide," Sylvie says softly, as she struggles to get off her lounge shorts. Matt gives her a grin, then catches her lips in a quick kiss.

"Anytime. Here..." he trails off and steadies her as she pulls the shorts off. Lifting her arms up, Matt helps her with her shirt too, then catches another kiss. He shuffles her into the shower, making sure the water is a good temperature, then, once her hair is wet, starts lathering it up with her shampoo, the one Matt always calls stupid-expensive.

"You want to make some cookies after? We have those break apart ones, the ones with the little pumpkins on them?"

Sylvie snaps her head up to look at him from under the spray. "When did we get those?" They're her favorite.

"I may have picked them up when I went grocery shopping earlier." A sneaky little smile appears on Matt's face and Sylvie thinks there's no way she can love him more.

"Thank you, Matt Casey. You're something special."

"Nah. I just know you and our daughter, and knew we were out of sweet things. The world might have come to an end if I hadn't found something."

It's true. With the sweet tooth she has, she knows if she hadn't been able to have some kind of dessert, especially after the news, she would have probably had another good cry.

"Love you."

"Love you too bumblebee. Now lets finish you up so we can start on getting you feeling a little happier."

"I am happy...even though we got some shitty news...you always make me happy."

#my fic #oops this got a little longer than i meant it too #oh well #brettsey #prompt

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myhockeyworld87 · 3 years

Text

Not So Dangerous Liaison - Sidney Crosby - Part 21

Word Count: 3,579

POV: Reader’s (sorry if I messed anyone up)

Warngings: Language, Smut, NSFW

Notes: So it’s been a hot minute for this story. Sorry about that guys, but when we were last with these two they were in Spain and just had a very hot massage session. So let’s see what happened after that. As always love your feedback and Happy Reading!

Not So Dangerous Liaison Masterlist

Your two weeks in Europe were simply amazing, and while you dreaded leaving; you still looked forward to going back to Cole Harbour with Sidney as his day with the cup was coming up. Sid had timed the trip pretty well so that you had a week to get everything organized. Since he actually got two days with the cup, Sid wanted the first day to be more public and the second to just be about friends and family. The town of Cole Harbour planned a big parade in the morning. Sid again insisted that you ride with him as he showed off the legendary trophy, though you felt awkward being there as everyone cheered him on.

You were definitely more in your element, as the afternoon had all of you headed off to the children's hospital. Seeing Sid with these kids just melted your heart. He took time with each of them, talking to them and signing whatever Penguins gear they had. You knew that he was good with kids; it was evident in the hockey program that he ran every year and how he handled all of them that came up to him when you were, well, literally anywhere. But this, this was different. He was gentle, kind, and caring with each one, and at one point you literally found yourself walking out of the room as there were just too many emotions swirling in your brain, not only about your boyfriend but everything going on in each room you went to.

It was Trina that came out to check on you. "Everything ok dear?"

You coughed discreetly, hoping to cover up the swell of emotions that seemed to want to burst out. "Yeah." Her arm came around your shoulders and she squeezed you close to her. "I don't know how he does it," you found yourself saying. "Some of these kids are so bad and yet…" A tear slid down your cheek at the thought of what these parents were going through but how they put on a brave face and found some bit of happiness in your boyfriend being there with their child.

"I know, sweetheart," Trina said enveloping you in a hug now. "It's hard, but just look at the joy on their little faces." She turned so that you could see back into the room where Sid was playing a video game with a child undergoing chemotherapy. The smile on Sid's face was just as bright as the little boy's and you knew right then why bringing the cup here was so important to him. It was an opportunity to share the joy that he felt winning the cup or even stepping out on the ice, with each of the kids he saw, and god if he wasn't good at doing just that. If it was possible you fell in love with him even more.

You brushed the tear away and gave over to the infectious happiness that was taking place in the room, now more determined to help Sid spread the joy around the hospital. By the time you left your heart was overflowing with love for the man by your side and you couldn't keep it contained as you jumped into the passenger's seat beside him and planted your lips on his. "What's that for?" Sid asked when you finally broke apart.

"Nothing…everything…I don't know…for just being you." You shrugged as he started the car, then added. "Mostly because I love you."

"Well, I wouldn't complain if you decided to do that again." Leaning over you, let your lips mold to his, this time letting the kiss get a little heated before he pulled back. "If we keep this up, we'll never get to the next stop." Sid was right, it would've been easy to just get carried away with him and end up heading home instead of to the party boat that was planned. Tons of people lined the dock as you headed down to the boat. All of them trying to grab Sid's attention for a pic or get him to stop so that they could touch the cup. Ever patient, Sidney stopped for each photo as you made your way onto the same boat, you'd taken on your official first date. The party took up the rest of the afternoon and some of the evening. Sid made a few stops that weren't scheduled, to random places like the grocery store he always uses and the coffee shop that always has his order ready and waiting. It was a very long day, and you were glad when you finally walked through the door of the lake house that night; Sid carrying the cup inside behind you.

He set the cup on the kitchen counter where it looked extremely out of place. "Is that where you're keeping it for the night?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I hadn't really given it much thought, but seems as good a place as any."

"Well, where did you keep it the first time you won."

Sid turned a delightful shade of red you hadn't seen. He'd been embarrassed on numerous occasions, but never like this. "In bed with me," he finally choked out.

It took everything in your power not to burst out laughing, though it was kind of cute to think of your boyfriend sleeping with this prized trophy. "Well, I can sleep in the guest room tonight, if you two want to be alone." He snatched you around the waist and pulled you into him.

"Not a chance. You're definitely better and softer to hold onto in the middle of the night." He accentuated his words by dropping kisses to your forehead, then your nose, and finally your lips, while his hands grabbed hold of your ass. "God, it's been a long day, but I like that I'm ending it here with you." You couldn't help the smile that graced your face, for there wasn't anyplace else in the world you wanted to be than by his side.

"Come on, let's go to bed." You wiggled out of his arms then headed towards the staircase as Sid trailed behind. "Aren't you forgetting something?" He looked at you a bit quizzical, then you nodded to the Stanley Cup. "It wouldn't be the first time it slept in the room with us." Referring to the night the Penguins had won the beloved trophy. He quickly trotted back over, then hoisted the cup upstairs where he placed it over in the corner of the room.

"If I remember right, that was the first night I kissed you."

"Hmm," you tapped your finger on your chin as if contemplating whether or not he was correct, which he was of course. "Was it? I can't remember," you teased.

"Oh really?" Sid asked as he grabbed you around the waist like he did that night and so many nights after. "Maybe I should refresh your memory." His lips dropped to yours, all of the playfulness of moments ago now replaced with a heated passion as his tongue swept in and mingled with yours. It was just like that first night, only this time you didn't let your mind stop you from wanting more of Sid, as you gave yourself over to him. He slowly backed you up until your knees hit the back of the bed. It was then that you felt him sliding your clothes off, piece by piece until you were standing there nude in front of him. "God, you're beautiful." He breathed in, the words so reverent it felt like a prayer. "I remember how badly I wanted you that night, but I'd promised you that we would sleep and nothing more. I'm not making that promise now."

His lips were back on yours then, as he devoured you with his mouth. Your hands roamed his body, this time ridding him of the clothing that was the barrier between the two of you. When you finally freed him from his boxer briefs the two of you tumbled down onto the bed. Your limbs tangled with each other, and though you'd been with each other hundreds of times since that night of your first kiss; it was as if all the pent-up frustration from that first night finally came bubbling up to the surface. Sid's hands seemed to be everywhere at once, roaming down your back to your ass where your hips flexed into his, on your breasts tweaking your nipples, and slipping between your folds to find you dripping wet with desire for him. "I need you," you moaned out as his digits curled inside you.

He settled between your legs, cock in hand as he guided himself into you; a sigh leaving both of you as he entered. Your lips found his as your bodies moved as one. Every thrust of his hips into you was met by a flex of yours. Your hands threaded together pressing into the mattress as his body hovered over yours. "I love you," Sid panted out.

"I love you too," you echoed as your souls meshed together into one, before you crested and reached that high your body was so craving. It was a few short thrusts and Sid followed you into that blissful state of euphoria. The two of you laid there trying to catch your breath, yet your hearts still beat in sync with one another. Your hands skated up and down his back before he twisted you both to your side. Eyes growing heavy, you let them drift shut as Sid nuzzled you into his side.

"I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now."

"Really?" Your eyes popped back open in disbelief. "What about when you won that?" you said motioning to where the Stanley Cup was sitting off in the corner of the bedroom.

"Mmm, don't get me wrong that was great, but sharing this with you is better." His arms tighten around you a little more. "And I know we celebrated the win that night, but not like this."

You pulled back a bit so that you could look him in the eyes. "So…it's sex that makes tonight better," you teased knowing that it wasn't that but enjoying chirping Sid all the same.

"You know it's not that." His hands now tickling your sides and making you squirm.

"I know," you laughed trying to catch your breath, yet again.

When you finally calmed down, Sid looked at you with all seriousness. "I never thought, that I'd get to share this with anyone, but then…well I'd like to say I found you, but that really wasn't the case was it. You'd been there all along. I just finally opened my eyes." His words made you melt and you could feel your eyes getting a bit misty. "And now everything in my life is just better. Especially getting to share this with you." It was Sid's turn to motion his head toward the multi-tiered trophy that already has his name engraved on it twice. He sighed and you felt it more than heard it.

"I feel like there's a but coming."

"No buts," he chuckled. "More like an I wish or I hope…" Well this was interesting and you propped your head up on your hand so that you could pay attention even more. His one hand never left your hip, drawing lazy circles there as he searched for the right words. "It's not easy to win that thing, but I hope we can do it again. Not because I want to see my name on it or anything, but well…" God you wish he would just spit it out because you really didn't know what he was talking about at the moment. "I want that moment with you…you know on the ice, legs wrapped around me, while you kiss me senseless type thing." He said as much before, just maybe not in those exact words and you had to giggle a bit at the image he conjured up because the world would be shocked to see the ever-reserved Sidney Crosby in that position.

"You could kiss me senseless now if you wanted."

"Mmm, and I will but there's more." More? You were already shocked by the public display of affection running through his mind; you couldn't imagine there being more. "So, like today when we were in the hospital, it made me think of something." It was pitch black in the bedroom, yet somehow you could see the blush staining his cheeks, and even though you wanted to tease him, you didn't for you could tell this was important. "I was posing for pictures with all these kids and then I looked over at you and well…it made me realize how much I want pictures with our kids and the cup." It was the word 'our' that stuck in your head the most. Kids weren't really something that you thought about often. Oh sure, you wanted them. You just weren't sure when and you hadn't really thought about them with Sidney, at least not yet; your relationship still just seemed so new. Your face must have given away where your thoughts were headed for the next thing you knew he was saying, "It's not like I want them tomorrow or anything." A sigh escaped your lips as you released the breath you didn't know you'd been holding. "Honestly, I didn't know it was something I even wanted until today. That's not what I meant…Shit…this is coming out wrong." He rolled onto his back, shifting his hands behind his head.

You missed the warmth of his hands on you, and you found your hand immediately going to chest. "I think I know what you mean," and even though you hadn't thought it through fully in your head; you kind of got where he was coming from. You'd felt it today too, as you'd watch him with every child.

"You do?"

His right hand quickly moved to your bare back and you knew then, that his shift in position had been him distancing himself in case he'd said too much. "Yeah," you answered looking him directly in the eye in the dim light. "When I saw you in the hospital today it hit me, how great you are with those kids, and then I started thinking how great you'd be with your own….and wow Sid…you're going to make the best dad."

"I've always wanted kids, but I just thought it couldn't happen until after hockey was over, ya know? But then I met you…and now well…I just can see it all." Somehow you could too and it was both frightening and thrilling at the same time. "I want to put our kid in the cup and teach him…" you coughed discreetly. "Or her," he added quickly. "To skate and take them to the rink or dance class or I don't know. I just know that it's possible now because I have you. I know what we have is still new (Y/N), and it's like we've hit the gas and never looked back, but I can see this future with you and it's something I really want."

The look on his face was hesitant as he laid there waiting for you to say something. Part of you wanted to torture him and make him wait longer, but then the other part won over and you found yourself saying, "I want that too, Sid. I want our kid in the cup, and long walks around the lake, and you trying to teach our child how to shoot a slap shot into the net. I want it all." The smile on his face told you exactly how happy he was. He grabbed your hips, practically throwing you on top of him. "I thought you said you didn't want them by tomorrow?" You teased as you could feel his erection growing.

"Practice, baby. You know you can never practice too much." And that's exactly what the two of you did the rest of the night.

Thankfully, the celebration the next day wasn't until later in the afternoon, though caters were there early to get things set up. Sid introduced you to all of his family that were there, and they were ecstatic to see that Sidney had found happiness. During the course of the day, you were torn from each other's side, but you'd always feel his eyes on you no matter where you were. You'd exchange a knowing smile with him from across the room and the next thing you knew he was at your side; his hand on the small of your back or his arms completely wrapping around you. There were tons of pictures taken with the cup and more drinks flowing out of it that it could've been a water fountain at times. In all, it was a day filled with love, joy, and laughter as you all celebrated Sid's accomplishments.

Two days later, Sid started training for the upcoming season, not that he had ever really taken a full break. He was always in the gym working out or when you were in Cole Harbour, he'd spend time at the rink. Though his official training was much more intense. He'd be gone most of the morning and afternoon, which wasn't so bad as it left you time to do your work. Nights usually consisted of the two of you making dinner, except for when he had to do some endorsement work. Of course, he asked you to come with, and you did a few times. However, this particular night you chose not to. You heard him come into the house, as he yelled out a "Babe, I'm home," when he entered. You answered him, telling him that you were upstairs. "What are you doing?"

"Packing." As if it wasn't obvious, considering that you had your suitcase out and were folding clothes.

"Why?"

"Because I have to fly back to Pittsburgh."

"Since when?" You could tell by the tone of his voice he wasn't happy.

"There's a problem with the transition house and they need me there to make some decisions." An inspection had gone wrong and they needed your authorization for some sort of technical things that needed to be done.

"Well, I'll pack and go back with you."

"Absolutely not," you weren't exactly yelling but you did raise your voice some. "You just started training and you're not interrupting that to go with me."

He frowned, as you walked into the closet and grabbed the rest of your things. "Why are you taking all your stuff? How long are you going to be gone?"

You knew he wouldn't like this next part but it still had to be said. "I think I'm just going to stay there."

"That's almost a month early." His voice pitched up an octave.

"It's not that bad, more like three weeks." This time he went into the closet and started to take his clothes off the hanger. "Sid, stop."

"(Y/N), I told you before that if you went back, I was too."

"And I told you, that you were staying here. This is where your trainer is, besides you're barely here and you have other commitments that you have to keep, that require you to stay here. It just doesn't make sense for you to fly back yet." You took the clothes out his hands and hung them back up, only to have him take them back out. "Seriously," you huffed out. "This is ridiculous."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"I'll stay here," he told you and you finally thought you were getting through to him. "If you fly back when you're done."

"This could take a week and you know how some of the guys start coming back early, so I should be back there when they do. If I flew back here it would only be for a few days." It truly didn't make sense.

"Well, I'll fly back with you then."

"You'll literally be in the middle of training then." You wrapped your arms around his waist, hoping to compel him to see your side of this. "I don't want to be the reason you're not ready to play this year. It's just a couple weeks hun."

His head dropped down to yours, and damn if he didn't give you those sad puppy dog eyes. "I don't want to be without for that long."

"We can talk every day and facetime too."

"It's not the same."

"I know," you had to acknowledge that it wouldn't be the same as being there every night and being held in his arms, but three weeks wouldn't be bad. "But we can handle it."

"What time does your flight leave?" It seemed as though he was finally conceding that you'd be going.

"Tomorrow at eleven in the morning."

"I'll have to move some things around, but I'm taking you to the airport."

"I already have it figured out that Taylor will take me." He pushed you away then, clearly upset.

"Jesus, can I not even take my girlfriend to the damn airport?"

"I just didn't want you to miss anything."

"You have it all planned out, don't you? Well, thanks for at least telling me." With that, he walked out of the bedroom and you heard him stomp down the stairs.

"Sid," you called out, right as the door slammed shut. This was not going as planned.

#not so Dangerous liaison series #sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby imagines #Sidney Crosby smut #pittsburgh penguins fanfic #pittsburgh penguins fanfiction #pittsburgh penguins imagines #pittsburgh penguins imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey smut #hockey fanfic

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 4 years

Photo

U N P L A N N E D, part two

“Hi, uh, Y/N? It’s Harry.”

You shut the bathroom door behind you like you had a few days earlier. This time, at least, you knew what you were getting yourself into.

“Hey, hi, how are you?”

“I’m good--how are you?”

You took a breath, one that might have been too obvious. “I’m good. I’m sorry to just--ramble on your voicemail. I just, you know, hadn’t heard from you.”

Did you expect to? No. Maybe. You didn’t know. You felt stupid and embarrassed that the words had tumbled out of your mouth.

“Yeah--I know, m’sorry about that. I actually, uh, got sick actually after I saw you last, so I was out of commission for a minute. Been busy but, yeah, I’d love to see you if you’re around.”

“I am, yeah, I’m around.”

Thank god--the last thing you needed was for him to let you down easy, be too nice to say that he didn’t have any interest in seeing you again. You’d prepared for that somewhat, worried that you were just another girl he’d slept with some random night, meaningless and casual.

Maybe it was that--maybe he thought that buying you a nice dinner one night would be enough to put this in the past. A pang of guilt when you realized that might never be possible.

You didn’t wait for him to offer a time or date. “Are you around this weekend?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t mean this in a presumptuous way, but, do you want to come to mine? I know that’s not, like, a date--but, it can be nicer to do something quiet, sometimes.”

You knew what he meant--you knew enough from Glenne to know that if he was seen out in public with you there’d be all sorts of whispers about what it was and what it meant. You didn’t tell him, but you figured somewhere private was a better place to have the conversation you had to have.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Uh, tomorrow? Sunday?”

“Tomorrow’s good--if that works.”

“Sure,” he said. “I can text you my address. Do you want to say around seven?”

“Sure. Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, looking forward to it, Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You hung up, wiped at the sweat that had formed on your forehead, and stared in the mirror. It wasn’t terrible. It was awkward, sure, but he didn’t say no and he didn’t seem to think you were crazy or weird or totally out of line asking to see him again.

You composed a message to Lexi and Glenne.

Y/N L/N (2:31pm): I’m seeing him tomorrow.

Glenne Christiaansen (2:34pm): Thank god. I seriously felt like Jeff could tell something was up this morning.

Y/N L/N (2:35pm): Well don’t be weird with him!

Lexi MacMillan (2:37pm): Glenne if you fuck anything up so help me god.

Glenne Christiaansen (2:39pm): I’m not going to! I’m a bad liar so I would appreciate it if we could get this out in the open asap.

Lexi MacMillan (2:39pm): Glenne...not really about you 🙄

Glenne Christiaansen (2:39pm): I’m not trying to rush you, I just feel bad knowing!

Y/N L/N (2:40pm): I know. I’m telling him tomorrow.

Y/N L/N (2:41pm): He said I could come to his house. So, we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.

It wasn’t as far of a drive as you remembered. Maybe the high levels of cortisol coursing through you sped things up, or maybe it was the adrenaline of having just hung up with your mom.

She knew something was up--she always knew. She called you in the morning and you couldn’t do it, you pretended all was fine and you told her that you were about to head to the grocery store. She didn’t really buy it but she let you go.

And when you got in the car around 6:15 and found yourself with enough traffic on Santa Monica Boulevard, the guilt started to creep in again. So you dialed her number, put the phone on speaker, and made her promise to not freak out.

She’d always been the type of mom who could keep a straight face--one who played it cool even when you told her you got detention or pricey parking ticket. She raised you by herself after she split with your dad, a guy who lived somewhere outside of Las Vegas with a new wife and a new daughter.

She was quiet when you said it. A few seconds ticked by before she spoke. Are you sure? You took a test? Who’s the father?

You know my friend Glenne? You know how her boyfriend is also in the music business?

She couldn’t believe it at first--a name she’d heard a few times on TV or even from you. She asked the inevitable: what are you going to do?

You told her you didn’t know. You swore you’d think it all through and keep her updated, talked her down and convinced her she didn’t need to drive down to LA from the sleepy town of Santa Paula, where you grew up on bicycles and with books in your small bedroom, reaching for a future that was always bigger than your small town.

So sure, maybe you had a plan. As a kid you always thought about being an adult--the steps in the following order: college, job, husband, promotion, kids. Scattered in between there was the possibility of a pet, maybe even relocating outside of the city--a house with a pool, for sure.

None of it included an unplanned pregnancy fathered by someone like him. It hadn’t ever crossed your mind.

You cried a bit more after you hung up--your mom reminded you that you didn’t have to keep a brave face for her, but after all this time, you were used to it.

So at least, when you pressed the button on the gate that somehow paged him inside, you felt a bit more confident about your ability to spit out the words without throwing up or crying. That was a win.

“Hey--it should open now,” his voice was muffled through the speaker, the gate started to hum before it separated, revealing a white house tucked in the hills, a smooth driveway and a view of the city.

He greeted you at the front door, a smile on his face when you lifted your sunglasses.

“Hi,” he said. “Find your way okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, a nod. “It vaguely felt familiar, I definitely remember drunkenly looking out the windows on the ride home.”

He laughed--apparently comfortable enough to skip over the whole awkward we slept together phase. He stepped aside and held the door open, allowing you to step into the main foyer.

That’s when it came back--laughing as you followed him up the stairs and down the hall, a drink in your hand. The view is priceless, he said. He showed you his bedroom, the twinkly lights of Los Angeles looked like snowflakes when you blurred your eyes, he joked that maybe you both drank too much.

You sat beside him on the bed, told him about the time Glenne came to visit in college and you realized that there was someone who could put Lexi in her place.

Before you knew it his hands were on your skin, your fingers fumbling with the button of his pants. You told him he didn’t have to, insecurity washed through you when you realized this type of event was probably usually reserved for models or actresses. Shouldn’t it be Lexi in your place? Someone taller and thinner and prettier and richer?

“I’d give you a tour,” he said, pulling you back to the present, “but you’ve already seen it.”

You held back a smile. “I remember it all from, you know, sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

“Right, very rude of you, really,” he smiled, crossed his arms over his chest. An awkward pause. “I would have reached out, but, I dunno--I guess I thought you didn’t want me to since you left.”

You opened your mouth to speak but then licked your lips. “No--I was just, I didn’t want to impose.”

“Well, you missed what would have been a delicious breakfast.”

Quiet for a second, you were glad he was playful, friendly, flirty, even. You knew you were about to kill any sort of mood there might be.

“Listen--uh, I actually have something to tell you.”

He tilted his head to the side, a curious smile on his face, just like when you told Glenne. He watched you, dimpled cheeks, as if you were about to admit you’d been thinking about him, wishing he’d call, hoping to see him again.

For a second you wondered if it was the right move, telling him at all. Maybe it wasn’t his problem. Maybe he’d hate you and be angry or maybe he’d think you did it on purpose, a claim to fame or a 401k cash in. Maybe you were better off navigating the waters of motherhood alone. Alternatively, maybe you took the other path. Easier for everyone, right?

But he looked too curious, too innocent, too pure. He noticed the emotion on your face, the water that had pooled in your eyes. His expression changed, furrowed brows and a twitch in his lips before you spit it out.

“I’m pregnant.”

Again. Quiet--the typical response at this point. Something you were used to. You could see a plane in the distance, on final approach to LAX. Somewhere in the world there were people laughing and hugging and somewhere there were scenes much happier than this one.

“Uh--I--,” he shook his head, blinked a few times, almost like he didn’t quite understand. “Because of us?”

A nod. You didn’t feel like divulging the same information about how there was no other possibility, especially to someone like him--someone who was surely much more sexually active than you were.

“You’re sure?”

Another nod. You reached into your purse and pulled out the papers you had printed that afternoon. The results from Dr. Weston’s office. Numbers and words you didn’t really understand. “Here--I, uh, I have these.”

He blinked again, took them in his hands and looked down at them. He licked his lips and then rubbed at his neck. “What’s all this mean?”

“It’s just the test results. I did two myself, you know, the pee on a stick ones. Then a urine sample at the doctor and a blood test, too. Four positive results.”

He was quiet, the lack of noise and words seemed to spike emotion in you, more water in your eyes became tears on your cheeks. He still stared at the paper.

A part of you wanted to turn around, leave, drive back to your house and climb into bed. Maybe then it would feel like none of this was happening. But you were frozen, feet stuck on the floor in his foyer, staring at the stubble on his chin and the necklace that hung around his neck.

A shaky breath. “I’m sorry--I was--we used a condom, I don’t know how it happened.”

He looked up at you quickly, the rawness of your voice and cracks between words seemed to grab his attention. “Will you, uh, take a test in front of me?”

That made you stop crying really quick. “W-what?” A sniffle when you wiped at your face.

“It’s just, to be sure. I don’t--sometimes people do this to people like me, and--”

“Are you insinuating that I’m--” you looked around, not even sure what to call it. “Making this up?”

“It’s not you--I would ask that of anyone.”

Your lips parted, you stared past his shoulder and into the living room.

Let me give you a tour, he’d said, dimples on his cheeks when he looked down at you that night. Sat on the edge of the couch, he stood above you, handed Lexi another drink before he introduced himself.

We’ve already met, you teased. You recounted your first meeting, jogged his memory by describing the dress you wore, the restaurant you went to. It had been six months earlier. I’m Y/N, you said. Your name brought it all back for him.

Back in the room, he shifted his weight on his feet. You thought on it for a second. You’d expected him to be shocked and surprised--even angry or disinterested would have been understandable. You didn’t, for a second, think that he might not believe you.

It made sense, as much as you hated to admit it. You were sure that somewhere out there was a person who would make this type of thing up--news outlets covered stories like that all the time.

But this--the upheaval of everything you’d come to know--you wished you were making it up. You weren’t someone he met in some hotel bar with something to gain. You were a friend of a friend, wrong place, wrong time.

“Look--someone will make us do that anyway. Jeff or someone would insist that I have more proof. And I can’t just tell them I took your word for it.”

Another reminder of the distance between you. The fact that Harry drove a Tesla and you had a Honda. The fact that now they were his friends and you were the outsider--the one screwing it all up. And now your friends had to choose sides, and apparently, Jeff was already on Harry’s before he even knew about it.

“I mean--fine, I can show you the two I already took. I’ll take another, and you can see it, if you want.”

He nodded. “Yeah, m’sorry, that’s just probably for the best.”

He offered to drive--promised your car would be safe in his driveway until you could come back for it. So you endured the nearly forty minute drive back to your house in quasi-silence, save for the voices from the radio that didn’t break the tension.

He asked about work, you pretended to be interested in the upcoming release of his music. But the long pauses and sideways glances made it feel like you both knew the questions were obligatory and forced and surface, a lazy attempt at ignoring the obvious.

You pointed out a spot for him to park near the sidewalk, beneath the willow tree across the street that always left pollen on your windshield. He followed you across the road, up to the front door in your snug residential neighborhood.

“Hi,” you called into the living room, knowing that Lexi had the day off from filming. With your luck at this point, she’d probably be naked (or halfway there) in the kitchen. High as a kite or asleep on the couch.

“Hey! How’d it--oh.”

She appeared from her bedroom, eyes wide when she took in the sight of Harry trailing behind you. You ignored the flush on his cheeks and the shy smile he threw in her direction.

It must have hit him--Lexi knew. Lexi--who Harry had known for at least three or four years now--offered a wave in his direction and tried to play it cool.

“Hi Lexi.”

“He wants me to pee on a stick again,” you said flatly.

She pulled her head back, a smirk on her face when she turned to Harry. “Really?”

He let out a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. “Do you want to know what could happen if I believed every woman who’s ever said that to me?”

“There’s been multiple?” Lexi looked at him like he was crazy.

“Well--like, two. But they were both absolutely mental.”

You walked into the bathroom and knelt down, digging through the cabinet below the sink for another test. After you took the first you bought another box--two inside.

You grabbed it and stood, going to shut the door. “Well, I’ll be back.”

“Wait,” he said, shoving his hands in the pocket of his pants. “Can I--uh--come in?”

Lexi’s face twisted. “You wanna watch?”

“Well, how do I know that you’re not pregnant and she’s using your, you know, sample?”

Lexi looked over at you and raised her eyebrows, some type of this is unreal look on her face.

“Fine,” you said, defeated. “Come over here.”

He stepped into the bathroom beside you and offered an uncomfortable smile, squeezing by you when you shut the door. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at his hands. You pulled down your pants, sat, and then waited.

He looked up quickly, then back down at the floor. Then back up. “Well--are you gonna go?”

“I need a second,” you said. “I’m not used to peeing in front of strangers.”

“M’not a stranger,” he made a face as if it hurt his feelings. You weren’t about to fight with him--now didn’t seem like a good time to define the relationship. “Here,” he reached up to twist the faucet, a stream of water fell into the sink.

That helped. You held the stick in place and capped it when you were done, placing it on the sink. You flushed and stood up as if this was all in a day’s work.

“Now we wait?”

You leaned forward to wash your hands. “Doesn’t take long--apparently I’m super pregnant.”

He let out a bit of a laugh at that, a tension breaking chuckle before he picked it up. He pushed out his lips, staring down at it as if it wasn’t as threatening as you’d always felt.

“Plus sign,” he flipped it towards you, offering you a view.

You nodded.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

He was quiet, staring at the plastic in his hands before he put it back down.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “We used a condom.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to--we didn’t mean to. Aren’t you on birth control?”

You nodded. “I was switching to a new one around then--but my doctor said it should be just as effective,” the anxiety grew with each word, the scenarios ran through your head, what you could have done differently, if you should have left right after, cursing yourself for enjoying the sex even though it resulted in this.

“I don’t know what to do,” you said, wiping at your cheeks to hide the evidence of the tears. You hardly knew him--crying in what suddenly felt like the world’s smallest bathroom didn’t seem like a great get to know you exercise.

He seemed alarmed by the emotion again, a look of uncertainty crossed his face. “Me neither--I mean, I’m supposed to put out this album and then go on tour and I’ve never--”

A knock on the door, Lexi pushed it open, an inquisitive look on her face. “Everything okay?”

“No,” you both spoke at the same time.

“Oh good,” Lexi said sarcastically to him, “you’re losing your shit over it too!”

“S’not exactly the best timing, right now, Lexi.” He stepped past you on the white tile, slipping out of the bathroom and making his way for the living room.

You followed behind him. “It’s not good timing for me either, if you were wondering!”

He turned around quickly. “I know--I didn’t mean it like that, I just--you’ve had a few days to sit with this, right? M’just finding out now so excuse the panic.”

You took a breath, watched as he paced on the carpet and ran a hand through his hair. He stopped suddenly, looked up to Lexi.

“Does Glenne know?”

She looked over to you, your call, Harry did the same.

“Great--so Jeff knows! Is that why he hasn’t returned my phone calls?”

“Jeff doesn’t know,” you said quickly. “She promised not to tell him until I talked to you.”

“And you believed her?! She can have quite the mouth, for fuck’s sake!”

“She didn’t say anything, relax,” Lexi tried to settle him, her voice more collected than yours had been all week. “I talked to her a while ago. She’s freaking out, too.”

He flopped down on the couch, a big sigh before he looked up at you again. “Are you--do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know.”

He nodded, almost like he expected the answer.

“I wanted to talk to you first.”

He nodded again, eyes still wide. “Okay.”

“Can you just breathe, with me, for a second?” You moved to sit beside him, body angled towards his so he could watch you. In and out, in and out.

It already felt like you were ruining his life, the last thing you needed was for him to have a heart attack on your sofa.

He settled a bit at that, another nod to reassure you that he was getting enough air. “Sorry--I just, this is big.”

“I know,” you said. “For me too.”

“Yeah.”

Lexi was still stood in the center of the room, watching the scene unfold. When you looked up at her, she tilted her head. “I was gonna order a pizza--are you guys hungry?”

When Harry left the house that night he promised he’d see you the next day. Not only did you need your car, but you figured it’d be easier to actually talk some things through after a good night of sleep and some time to think.

There was a part of you that wondered if he’d actually follow through--show up at your house at 10am like he said he would. Maybe he’d catch the soonest flight back to London and change his number, barring Jeff and Glenne from ever speaking to you again.

The pizza was a good call on Lexi’s part. It turned out that when he had some food in him, he was remarkably less anxious. See? You’ll be fine. He’s just like a toddler! Lexi teased after he left.

She sat on your bed with you that night and just listened. First you told her about the way he looked when you first said it, the blinking and the staring and the shuffling of his feet. Then about the car ride and the radio and the way you pretended that you didn’t notice how often he tried to look over at you on the freeway.

You had no idea where he was at--you had no idea what he was thinking or what type of person he was. He was a stranger, really, someone who sometimes happened to run in the same circle as you and someone who now had a good reason to never want to see you again.

Lexi said she was glad that he wanted to talk again in the morning, glad that he knew and agreed that it would be best for him to tell Jeff in a few days, once the two of you had more time to talk.

You were glad, too.

“I think he’s here,” she peered out the window, the Saturday sun fought its way through early morning fog.

Your phone started buzzing in your hand--a call, not a text. You answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey--s’me. I’m outside.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll be right out.”

“Don’t be too long,” Lexi said, watching as you reached for the denim jacket on the back of the door. “Are we still watching SNL tonight?”

“Yeah--yeah, we will.”

“Okay,” she seemed to eye you suspiciously. “Call me if he’s being a fucking asshole, okay?”

“Okay.”

She waved you out the door, watched as you climbed inside the dark black car that was parked at the end of the walkway.

“Hi--oh, hi,” the seatbelt seemed to lurch forward on it’s own, making it easier to grab hold of once you sat down. “Glenne’s doesn’t do this.”

“S’the newer model.”

Of course it was.

“Are you hungry? I know you need your car, but I figured we could grab something to eat.”

You nodded, pushing sunglasses down to cover your eyes. “Sure, yeah.”

He accelerated, the car whirred, electric, and he adjusted a few buttons in the front. “Are you feeling alright?”

“What do you mean?”

He stole another sideways glance in your direction. “Like--you’re not nauseous yet, are you?”

“Oh--” you stopped to think about it. “No. But food tastes funny--kind of metallic, almost? I don’t know if that’s related. I’m only four weeks at this point, that’s what the email from Dr. Weston said.”

“Dr. Weston?”

“My OBGYN.”

“Right. When did you see her?”

“Wednesday.”

A left turn out of your neighborhood. You’d caught him up on all of that the night before. The appointment, telling your mom--he listened with wide eyes, pizza in hand.

“When do you go again?”

“Next week. She said we can talk about options.”

“Oh--should I, maybe, come to that?”

You hadn’t thought about that. It certainly was too early to do an ultrasound, you figured the appointment was a nice way for Dr. Weston to let you know the options for termination, if that’s what you wanted. A shift in your seat, a nervousness when you looked over at him. “If you want, yeah.”

He nodded, quiet for a little as he drove. He was heading for closer to Santa Monica, you didn’t ask where and you figured it didn’t matter. Breakfast sounded nice.

He eventually turned into a parking lot for a small cafe--one that you heard Jeff mention in the past--with ivy running up the outside trellis that provided some patio shade from the mid-May sun. “The scones here are really good.”

You tried not to laugh. “Scones are probably the worst breakfast pastry.”

“What?” His voice went all high as if you’d said something truly offensive. He pulled out his chair and sat, a casual outfit of athletic shorts and a sweatshirt. Sunglasses--presumably for disguise.

“Yeah,” you said, a bored shrug. “Too dry. Muffins are much better.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he looked over the menu that the hostess had dropped off, took a sip of his water before looking up at you.

“Look, I want to just tell you I’m sorry for freaking out last night. I know this isn’t easy for you, either.”

You nodded. “It’s not ideal for either of us, I guess.”

He nodded. Fumbled with the straw wrapped between his fingers. “What are your thoughts on--” he paused, seemingly uncomfortable. “Ending it?”

You shrugged, feeling mostly disconnected from whatever bundle of cells had implanted on your uterine lining. “I don’t know--it would probably be easier.”

He watched you, an unreadable look on his face. He rubbed at his lips and nodded. “You don’t have to. That’s a big decision. I just didn’t know what your thoughts were--in general.”

“I don’t really know what they are. What are yours?”

He laughed a little. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to think much about it.”

The waitress appeared, a look of shock when he smiled up at her, the realization spread over her face before she scribbled down your orders.

Pink on his cheeks when she left. “Sorry.”

You smiled. “I’m surprised you can be in the sunlight without people following you around.”

He rolled his eyes, let out a playful sigh. “Some days are better than others. This spot is typically safe, though.”

The waitress came back quick with coffees--you were sure to not confuse her eagerness to be near him as prompt service.

“So--who have you told, again?”

“Just Lexi and Glenne. And my mom.”

“No one else?”

“No. Have you told anyone?”

He pushed the tiny boat of coffee creamer towards you. “No. I just went to bed last night and tried to sleep.”

Another wave of guilt. You were sure he had better things to do than stare at the ceiling thinking about abortion or full term or the possibility that something would go wrong.

“They say you’re not supposed to tell people, you know--before it’s too soon.”

“Right, what is it? Three months?”

“Yeah--twelve weeks. That’s when something is likely to happen. But, look--I get it, if you can’t do this. No matter what I end up doing, I won’t be mad if you’re not able to be around.”

The words came out more quickly than you expected, as if saying them would prevent the damage from spreading. Like a bandaid, pulled off quickly, you placed the proposition on the table.

He made a face at that, looked down, twisted the rings on his fingers and then sighed. “I wouldn’t do that--I don’t want to.”

“Yeah, but, come on. I mean--you’re busy and this doesn’t really align with your lifestyle.”

He quirked an eyebrow, almost challenging you with a smirk. “And what do you know about my lifestyle?”

You picked up a spoon and stirred the coffee in front of you. “Well--I don’t know. I just, I don’t want you to feel like this means you’re, you know, trapped.”

He nodded, thinking. He licked his lips and pushed his mouth to one side. “I appreciate that.”

He asked where you were when you found out. You told him about the tiled floor of the bathroom at work, the way it cooled your hot skin when you were sure you’d pass out. You told him about the second test, the one you’d taken at home with Lexi, and the ice cream cone you had after you went to the doctor.

He asked where you were from, said he’d never heard of Santa Paula. He told you that he had fun with you that night, said that he thought about calling you after you left, decided he didn’t want to scare you off.

He drove you back to his house and pointed out the window, showing you a hiking trail nearby that he liked. He laughed when you made a joke--strapping a ten pound baby to your chest would level up any workout.

So you got your car and left, he didn’t hug you goodbye in the driveway and he said he’d call you--right after he figured out what he was going to tell his parents and his manager. You were about to the shut the door of your Honda when he jogged over to the driver’s side window.

“When was that appointment again? With Dr. Westfield?”

“Weston,” you corrected. “Thursday, 4pm, I think.”

He nodded, his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. “Okay--I’ll come.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

author’s note: woohooo! alright, well, there’s that!!!! so excited to share the rest with you all!

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @stylesfics-xx @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila @mell-love @anssu-amry @yelllowgrass @bullseyeskay @littlesoldierelleora @styles217 @rachkon @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @myhat @rosegoldbel @passionate-dreamerr @grammyforstyles @dontgiveupthedayjob @ursamajor603 @craic-head-horan @heavenspidey @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @blackxxmagicc @winter-soldier-007 @ssllbb @wanderlustiing @jdcharliewhiskey

#unplanned #harry styles fiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles story #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #harry styles drabble #one direction fan fiction #1dff

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y0noirs · 4 years

Text

let me (hold your hand)

mammon / reader | mammon / mc mammon comes for a visit to the human world and becomes a hazard to your financial stability.

word count: 1497 notes: spoilers for chapters 19 + 20!! also posted on ao3! i used a prompt generator for this sdfjdf

“Hey, I’m pretty sure Levi’s mentioned these snacks from one of his animes. We should get this!”

You turn towards your shopping companion who excitedly shows you a limited edition bag of flavored chips. They’re only available for the promotional period and you can see the commercial appeal—plus the brand is one you buy regularly. But you grimace anyway, thinking about the mountain of snacks you already have in your cart. “Mammon, we already got Levi the promotional ice cream for the other anime he likes,” you say as gently as you can.

“What? C’mon, he’ll love this one!”

You level Mammon with your most stern look. He’s said that for the last ten bags of chips, candy, and other snacks that you’ve been looking at. To be fair, you should probably get out of the snacks aisle and do your grocery shopping, but Mammon was easily distracted by the colorful packaging and tasteful advertising.

It wasn’t too long ago that Mammon had suddenly dropped out of nowhere to visit you after you had returned from the Devildom. It came as a surprise considering you weren’t sure about the next time you would see him or any of his brothers again. He’d arrived with boasts falling from his lips like a waterfall, saying that he impressed Lucifer with his diligence in school and work that Lucifer gave him permission to go to the human world. You could parse from his inconsistent boasting, however, that he had most likely pestered and begged his older brother to let him go.

The sight of Mammon wasn’t unwelcome. He seemed pretty ecstatic to be around—and to see you. He hadn’t left your side ever since he came, clinging to you like an overly affectionate puppy. He seemed rather confident that no witches lived in your area, so he was enjoying himself as far as you could tell.

(That was fine. Seeing him happy and excited was so endearing, you didn’t have the heart to bring up the fact that Lucifer had texted you via D.D.D. the other day about dragging Mammon back to the Devildom.)

To be perfectly honest, you really missed seeing Mammon every day. After having returned to the human world after your exchange program had ended, life seemed so much quieter than it used to be. With a start, you realized that this was how your life had been before you’d gone to the Devildom at all. The seven demon brothers you had spent an eventful year with had brought so much color to your life that you had never before seen—and Mammon was a huge part of it.

You can’t help yourself from watching him with affection. Mammon’s here with you in a grocery store of all places and yet you can’t be any happier. The pile of snacks is slowly increasing and his excitable chatter is only growing louder. You should really stop him before someone gets mad.

“Hey, are you even listening? I’m asking you a question!”

There’s an affronted pout on the demon’s face. He’s waving two packs of cookies in front of you, two different flavors of the same brand.

“Huh?” You ask, bewildered. You definitely were not paying attention to anything he actually said for the past five minutes—a bad habit you picked up when he went on and on about ways he was planning to con demons out of their money. Mammon sighs loudly and exaggeratedly, making you roll your eyes.

“What, did coming back to the human world make your senses dull? Are you going back to the weak human you were before you came to the Devildom?” He asks, acting as if your lack of attention was the most terrible inconvenience of his life. He really is too much.

“What were you saying?” You choose to ask.

“Now hold on a second! We can’t have you go back to the way you were before! What if someone takes advantage of you, huh?” Mammon seems to forget about the cookies. He places his hands on his hips and gives you a stern glare—but you can’t find it in yourself to be intimidated. You’re way past the point of ever being intimidated by Mammon, though.

“Listen, the human world can be just as bad as the Devildom. It’s a wonder how you’ve managed to survive this long, honestly. Since you’re going back to your weak, old self, you oughta tell Lucifer—no, tell Diavolo that you need protection. If you talk to Diavolo, he’ll definitely agree that you should be given a bodyguard. And who would be better to guard you than me, the Great Mammon?”

“Mammon,” you say, grinning. Is he serious?

“In fact, I’ll talk to Diavolo myself! That way, you don’t even have to do anything! Aren’t I just the kindest demon you’ve ever met?” He goes on, giving you a haughty smirk. It doesn’t fool you. You can see the excitement in his eyes over this idea of his.

“Mammon, Lucifer would never agree to that.”

“That’s why we gotta talk to Diavolo! Diavolo’ll agree ‘cause he likes you and prolly doesn’t want anything bad happening to you. And he’ll definitely make me your guard ‘cause when it comes to being strong and protecting you from baddies? I’m your guy!” Mammon boasts shamelessly and proudly and you can’t help but laugh.

“Isn’t it just that you want to spend more time with me?” You ask, stepping closer to nudge his side. He stiffens, cheeks warming up so much, you can practically feel the heat radiating off of them. You’ve definitely hit the nail on the head.

“Hell no!” He snaps, shying away from you. “Why would I wanna spend time with a human? This is about me being strong and good at protecting stuff!”

“But protecting me would require spending time with me, a human,” you point out. Mammon scowls.

“That’s just a small price to pay for proving how good I am! I’ll tolerate a human just to show you I’m the best!”

“You know, it’s a really good thing it’s just you here and not the others. You’d definitely be made fun of if they were around.”

Mammon scoffs and tosses the two packs of cookies that were still in his hands into the shopping cart. He places his hands on the handles, making ready to push the cart to the next aisle. He would’ve, too, but—

You make a face and place your hand on his. He stops immediately, jaw dropping open.

“Mammon, we seriously can’t buy all of this,” you tell him, gesturing to the pile of snacks in the cart. Your wallet would never survive this and—you’re just guessing here, but—you’re sure that Mammon doesn’t have any money either. You know he means well and that half of the snacks are for Beelzebub or Leviathan (the amount of promotional snacks is staggeringly high), but you could never buy all of this. As much as you wanted to send something to the brothers as well, it couldn’t happen on this scale.

Mammon doesn’t answer. You peek at his face, only to see him desperately trying not to look at your hand over his. He’s failing miserably, with his eyes flitting to your hands every other second. There’s a dark blush over his cheeks and he looks so embarrassed that it’s just—

“Cute,” you blurt out.

“Huh?!” Mammon nearly shouts, turning to you. You feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, but you don’t move your hand from his.

“I said we can’t buy all of this,” you decide to say, gesturing to the snacks with your free hand. “C’mon, let’s put it back. We can just get one snack for each person back in the Devildom, okay?”

Mammon pouts. “Fine. But we’re definitely getting the ice cream for Levi.”

You grin, adjusting your hand to properly hold Mammon’s. “That’s fine. Let’s just finish shopping, okay? And no more stopping for unnecessary snacks. I’m on a budget here.”

“Ugh, why do you have to pay for this stuff? Couldn’t you just, I dunno, swipe it?”

“Mammon, do me a favor and don’t say that out loud in any store we go to ever again.”

“Or what?!”

“Or I’ll let go of your hand.”

Mammon goes quiet at that. Then he grumbles something that you can’t understand before sighing and reaching into the shopping cart. He grabs snacks and shoves them back into shelves, leaving a snack for each of his brothers.

“Wasn’t so hard was it?” You say, smiling. The pout remains on his lips.

“Next time, we’re definitely getting more stuff than this. This is just sad!”

You only laugh and feel warmth growing in your heart at the implication of ‘next time’. You aren’t so sure how soon that’ll be, but hopefully you can convince Lucifer to let Mammon come back.

For now, you’ll just have to enjoy this shopping trip with Mammon. And you’ll do it while holding his hand.

#obey me!#obey me #shall we date? obey me #obey me mammon #obey me fanfic #obey me fanfiction #obey me reader insert #surprise i also write fic #surprise i can write fic under 5k #thats most a surprise to me #dskfjaskdfj anyway just take this #chou stop posting at ass o clock #its 1am pls #my fics

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bangtan-sonyeonddaeng · 5 years

Text

BTS Reaction| You get in a fight after someone flirts with them

Namjoon

Namjoon was too nice to say anything when someone tried to flirt with him, however that didn’t mean you were. This random girl had been trying to flirt with him the entire time you two were on a date together and you had enough. She kept making eyes at him, giggling every time he looked at her and seemingly not caring that you were sitting right in front of him and you two were clearly together. You slammed your hands on the table and got up ready to say something to her when Namjoon grabbed your arm and tugged you back down.

“Let go of me Namjoon I’m not going to watch this random hoe flirting with you a second longer.” You stand up but Namjoon tugs you back to sit in his lip. He wraps his arms around your waist and holds you in place. “Namjoon!”

“Yes y/n, my love, my angel, my princess?” He feels you relax at the pet names so he lets go of your waist. “Are you calm now?”

“For now.. if she looks at you one more time though I swear to god.”

“Here, let’s just switch sides. Then she’ll be looking at the back of my head and seeing your death glares instead.” You laugh and get up from his lap, switching sides with him. You pick up your steak knife and flash it at her as she startles and immediately looks away.

“Jagi!”

“Sorry, Joon. Just had to make my point known.”

Jin

You should be used to it by now. With how handsome Jin is people tried to flirt with him all the time. Usually when he told them he was happily taken the person would leave him alone. However this girl wasn’t taking no for an answer and you weren’t having it. The barista continued to be flirty when she touched his hand as she was handing him his coffee however that was the final straw for you.

“You better keep that hand to yourself if you want to keep it attached to your body you hear me?” She looks surprised at the outburst and looks back and forth between the two of you.

“Wait, this is the one you’re happily taken by?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean you little-“ Suddenly you feel arms wrap around your waist and you’re lifted into the air.

“Sorry about that! We’ll be going now!” Jin carries you out of the cafe and you kick your legs demanding he put you down. When you are outside and down the street away from the cafe he finally sets you down.

"Are you done now?”

“What do you mean am I done now? That girl wouldn’t take no for an answer from you so I took matters into my own hands!”

“My little knight in shining armor always coming to my rescue.” He ruffles your hair and you begin to laugh at his comment. “There. No more fighting okay? I’d much rather see you happy and with a smile on your face than letting some random girl that means nothing to me get to you.”

Yoongi

You were out to dinner with Yoongi and you couldn’t help but notice how flirty the waitress was being with him. She seemed to purposely be ignoring you and pretending like you weren’t also sitting at the table with him. However when she touched his shoulder while talking to him and leaned closer to talk to him you had enough. Yoongi was clearly uncomfortable trying to shrug her hand off of him. You slammed your hands down loudly on the table causing both of them to jump. She leapt away from him in surprise.

“You touch my boyfriend again this steak knife is going in your eye you hear me?” She’s rendered speechless at your threat. “You really are either extremely stupid or you just don’t care that we’re clearly together. Either way neither of those options bode well for you. So I suggest you find someone else to serve us and don’t let me catch you even looking in our direction again.” The manager hears the commotion and comes over to check on you both. When you tell him what happened he’s extremely apologetic and offers to have your meal paid for by the restaurant. You thank him sweetly, giving Yoongi whiplash seeing the drastic change in your mood. You both are walking out of the restaurant now when Yoongi suddenly starts laughing.

“Wow. I had no idea you had such a temper y/n. But it got us a free meal I guess..” You don’t say anything, just sit there in silence still fuming over what happened.

“Hey, y/n listen. You can’t get mad whenever someone flirts with me, okay? I know I was joking around about it but one of these days you might pick a fight with the wrong person and I don’t want to see you get hurt, okay?”

Hoseok

You found it ridiculous that you couldn’t even go to the grocery store without someone hitting on your boyfriend. You had a horrible temper, which Hoseok knew. He tried to shake the girl off before you snapped but she just couldn’t take the hints so you decided to make it a little more obvious.

“Sweetie listen he’s not interested. We are clearly together incase you can’t tell by the fact he’s been holding my hand the entire time we’ve been shopping together so why don’t you fuck off before this tub of ketchup is dumped on your head?”

“Jagi!”

“What?! She obviously can’t take no for answer and I’m not going to stay quiet while some hussy flirts with you.”

“Hussy?!”

“Stay out of this. Seriously my girlfriend has a bad temper and if you continue to make her mad she’s going to snap. And you don’t want that trust me she’s crazy.” She startles and walks away and you can’t help but start laughing.

“Crazy? Really Hobi?”

“What?! It got her to leave us alone didn’t it?! I thought you were about ready to square up with that girl I was just trying to prevent a fight.” He kisses your forehead and you instantly relax. “Besides I only have eyes for you. You have nothing to worry about angel.”

Jimin

Jimin is shocked when he sees you yelling at the cashier at the convenient store. He stepped away for a few minutes to get something to drink and now you were shouting at her, something about her flirting with him while you walked away. You weren’t wrong, she had hit on him when you went to grab some snacks but he doesn’t like violence in the slightest. He comes up behind you and apologizes to the girl before practically dragging you out of the store. He looks very disappointed in you and your face falls.

“Y/n we talked about this. You can’t fight with every person who flirts with me! You don't see me getting mad when people hit on you! You need to be the bigger person and just walk away. You know I would never cheat on you so I don’t understand why you get so mad?”

“I’m sorry Jimin.. I wish I knew, but I just have a bad temper. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I guess part of me is just afraid you might like one of these other girls better and leave me for them.” He cups your face in his hands and kisses your lips.

“That would never happen. So please stop fighting with people. I hate violence of any kind even if it is just yelling I don’t want to see things escalate and have you get hurt or hurt someone else. Okay? Promise me.” He holds out his pinky and you link yours with his.

“Okay. I promise I’ll work on it.”

Taehyung

You were used to people flirting with Taehyung by now. He wasn’t voted the world’s most handsome face for nothing. Usually you could ignore it but this girl was really getting on your nerves. Thinking she could just flirt with anyone she wanted, especially with you sitting right next to him was infuriating.

“Hey, you. You mind leaving us alone? I’m trying to enjoy a nice night with my boyfriend and you’re ruining it.”

“What do you mean I’m ruining it? He clearly isn’t interested in you or he wouldn’t be looking at me the whole time.”

“Are you serious right now? He’s just too sweet of a man to tell you to fuck off so maybe I should.” You make a move towards the girl but Taehyung grabs you and drags you along until you both are back at the car.

“Jagi. Listen I know you have a bad temper but you need to calm down. Starting fights with people just because they flirt with me isn’t going to solve anything. It’s just going to make things worse.” You sigh and run your fingers through your hair as you realize he's right.

“I’m sorry Tae. I just can’t help it. People flirt with you all the time and sometimes it just gets to me. Sometimes I wonder if you’d be happier with someone else and it come out as anger.”

“Baby, listen I love you. You have nothing to worry about the only person I want is you.”

Jungkook

You were at an award show after party with Jungkook as his plus one. You were trying to keep your temper in check, having watched this idol all over him the whole night. When she touches his arm and laughs that’s when you really start to get mad. You don’t realize how tightly you’re gripping the glass until Jimin gently pries your fingers apart and sets the glass on the counter.

“You were about to crack that thing in pieces y/n. What’s wrong?” He follows your line of sight and sees what has caught your attention.

“Ah, that one. She’s always flirting with Jungkook and he hates it. He told me she makes him really uncomfortable.”

“Then why is he still sitting there talking to her?”

“We have appearances to keep up y/n. Even at after party events we can't be rude. And neither can you. I know your temper is like a ticking time bomb but trust me. Jungkook only has eyes for you and he loves you.” You start to relax at his words, but are still aggravated by the sight of her. You walk over and link your arm with Jungkook and place a kiss to his cheek.

“Hey love, can we go now? I’m tired and I want to go home and have cuddles with my boyfriend.” You glance at the other idol and smile sweetly at her. “Oh I’m sorry, who are you? I’m y/n Jungkook’s girlfriend.” You hold your hand out and when she takes it to be polite you squeeze it a little too hard causing her to flinch and snatch her hand away.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll be going now.” She walks away from the two of you and you’re snickering on the inside at your small victory.

“What are you looking so smug for? I saw what you did. That temper of yours is going to get you in trouble some day you know?”

“Mmm, maybe but that day is not today.”

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najatheangel · 3 years

Note

Hello!!! ✨ And here I am again!!hahaha I can't, I really love your ships!!

Can I have a written ship this time? With Nct 127, Exo and Got7, please? 🌸

Here is a description of my personality!

I'm really shy and extremely awkward. I'm not good at expressing myself talking, I speak in a low volume, I get really insecure because of it, and it takes me sometime to open up, so people need to be a little patient to get to know me. Sometimes I fear I'm a pushover because of my shyness and akwardness, although I try my best to not freeze at social interactions ahahha. I have a great fear of hurting people with my words and my actions, so I think a lot before I do something. But I'm actually friendly, I'm always smiling while talking, and I accept everyone with my whole heart. I never judge people, and try to understand every point of view. When I'm comfortable enough, I'm really goofy, playful and unintentionally funny. My friends say I'm an adorable cute little person (but weird and random too). I'm naturally quiet, a good listener,sensitive,kind, understanding,calm and open minded.I always try to be positive. Even though I don't speak much in a discussion, people always ask my for my opinion, and take the things I say seriously. I like making people's life easier and happier, so I'm usually silently doing little daily things for them. The feeling that I'm useful to someone keeps me going. I'm really grateful for everyone who likes me. I prefer to be around chill, fun and simple people, because my mood gets easily influenced by the mood of the people around me. But I'm always up to help everyone. I'm a really simple person, that enjoy simple things. My hobbies are drawing,crafting,painting and cooking (I'm specially into arts). I enjoy reading too, specially detective books. I like staying home, but I don't mind going out with friends to get some food or taking some night walk. I love animals, of all kinds. Hate mean and rude people, conflict, prejudice, injustice. I'm loyal to my friends and family, and value them a lot. I need to be friends first before falling in love. But once I'm in love, I'm selfless, and give my everything. But I enjoy my freedom and privace, so I don't like too jealous people, who want to control everything I do. To me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

That's it!

Thank you so much again!

I hope you're doing well! Stay safe, healthy and happy! ✨

Hello love it’s nice too see you again my dear. It was nice getting to know you more. You seem like a very sweet and angelic person. Sorry for the long wait my dear here’s your ship. 😊💫

From NCT 127, I ship you...Taeil

Positive Side: The next Sun & Moon 2.0! Both of your personalities favor and work so well together. When you first meet NCT 127, Taeil was the first member that caught your eye, because of his shining presence and his sense of humor that made you smile so much. After months and months of getting close as friends, it developed into a wonderful love story. The members helped him set up a mini concert at your house singing your favorite sing with backup vocal line Haechan, Jungwoo, Doyoung and Mark. Since Mark is apart of every unit. You’ve gladly accepted his invitation whole heartedly and the rest was history. As far as hobbies, this man will do anything as long as you were apart of it. He would be a big supporter of your artwork and would even ask for a private art class so he can make a portrait of you. And Win win lol. He would even look up art project ideas with you on pinterest and start creating things with you along with Dreamies. Taeil can also be very adventurous by walking with you to the bookstore to buy detective books or take midnight walks at the park. Lastly, when you have your moments he would be the first to knock at your door and not leave your side until he made you smile. He is an affectionate person and would cry with you while cuddling you when you pour your emotions out to him whether good or bad. Although this man is small and acts like a precious baby sometimes, he would be saving all his love for you.

Negative Side: Once you both started dating, it was still a long yet hard process to adjust to. Whenever it came to dealing with the haters that didn’t support your relationship, it would get to your head sometimes and you would be afraid to get too close to Taeil sometimes so it won’t cause confrontation with the media. One time the small amount of harsh comments led you to ignoring his phone calls and he caught you crying alone in the bathroom which made him upset. He tried to run to you to hug you, but you wanted to deal with this problem alone so he wouldn’t suffer with you. “I’m alright Taeil.” As patient as he normally is, he wanted to respect you by giving your privacy until you felt like you truly needed him. At that point he just sighs and walks in the living room. “Okay, just let me know if you need anything.”

But...: Later that day you’ve realized it was for the best to confess to Taeil what emotions you’ve kept inside about everything involving your relationship. At the end of the day he was someone you can trust with all your secrets and can get you through this situation. After having the talk with him, he was so understanding and relieved that you finally wasn’t afraid to depend on him anymore. He gave you the tightest hug and the most passionate kiss that night reassuring you that everything was going to be okay as long as he was around. “No matter what part of the world I am, I will always run back to you.”

From Exo, I ship you with...Suho

Positive Side: This man is trying to make you his wifey for lifey. You both share the same goals when building friendships with people, being sweet, taking care of people around them and helping those who are in need. The devolopment of your friendship was so fast, but just like Taeil, becoming a couple was one hell of a ride. Deep down you both loved each other, but wanted to wait until the time was right and you both knew for sure the feeling was mutual. He would be the ultimate gentleman when your going out together, always going to art exhibits with you, taking millions of photos cause your his masterpiece ;) and even attempting to dance with you in public along to their music at the grocery store, but ends up feeling second hand embarrassment. I would too lol, still cute tho. He hardly feels awkward doing those things and just embraces it. He’s even suprised you with your first baby kitten and you both name him Buttercup. Lastly, you both share strong loyalty with each other no matter what. Overall this bond is too powerful and would be hard to tear apart.

Negative side: Suho would also find it hard to separate from you sometimes because he loves being with you most of the time. As far as dealing with your emotions, he wouldn’t want you to hide anything from him whether good or bad. He expects you two share everything together in the beginning of your relationship including thoughts, but it wasn’t that easy. Suho for the most part was understanding, but another part of him couldn’t stand leaving you alone to deal with those problems.

But...: Suho learned that he can’t pressure into speaking from your heart until the time was right. He also learned that he can’t baby you so much, because your his woman not his child or sister. Once you’ve started opening up more to him, he felt like the happiest man alive and gave you the tightest hug shedding tears. “You don’t ever have to deal with this alone, that’s what I’m here for. You got that?” The more comfortable you both communicated about your emotions, the easier it was to release instead of keeping it inside.

Anddd I’m deceased 😭😭👏🏽

From Got7, I ship you with...Youngjae

Positive Side: I remember shipping you with him before visually, but personality wise I ship it 10x harder. First of all, two shy innocent angels falling in love is straight k-drama vibes I’m getting. The more confident you’re around each other, the more flirty you two love birds become. He would always share home cooked meals with you, tell funny stories about how he’s always goofing off with crack7 and have heart to heart talks about any insecurities he has amongst himself. This bucket full of sunshine sometimes have his cloudy days as well and can relate to you in that sense which balances out. If one person was feeling down, the other lifts that person’s spirit up and encourage them to think positively. Youngjae would admire how you would take care of the other members and his cutie baby pup coco. Your the love of his life and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Negative Side: The only problem I can honestly think of is when your both having a bad day, you both tend to keep it to yourselves and not bother the other person about it. You both handle confrontation the same way, but it either can go good or bad. Youngjae on the other hand is worse at dealing with his emotions, because he doesn’t want to be sad infront of you and tends to lie only so you won’t worry about him so much. Once you find out either way your hurting for him and start “It’s not a big deal sweetie, it was just a few hate comments.” “It is a big deal Youngjae, I just can’t sit there and let those mean people do that to you. It’s disrespectful.”

But...: In the end, you don’t want to leave each other wounded and left alone to deal with the pain, so you come into his room leaning your head on his lap rubbing his thigh in silence until he was ready to talk. Even silent treatment would work for you two as long as you were next to each other, anything was possible. What makes it even better is that he’s not upset for too long and attacks you with warm hugs and pepper kisses your cheeks. “What would I do without you y/n? I feel so much stronger and better with you here beside me”

Out of everyone, I ship you with...either Taeil or Youngjae. Again couldn’t decide 😣

@thechoppersan My friend I hope you enjoyed this ship and it made you smile. Feel free to come back anytime angel. 😉☀️

#submission #kpop ships #written ships #nct 127 ships #got7 ships #exo ships #suho #taeil #youngjae #nct 127 #got7 #exo

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justatiredghost · 4 years

Text

Dave was adorable. He was excitedly listing off things they would need, sharing stories as he led the way through the grocery store, and all Klaus could do was watch him in silence, grinning like a fool. Seriously, how was it even possible for someone to be that cute?

“Oh yeah, we gotta make latkes,” Dave was saying as he dumped more ingredients into the cart. “Lucky for you I know the famous Katz family recipe.”

They’d still been in Vietnam the last time they’d been together for Hanukkah. It had been harder to celebrate there, the military barely let them celebrate Christmas let alone giving them proper time and space for Jewish holidays. But still, Dave had somehow managed to get a hold of some candles and they’d crouched together hidden away in the supply tent for some privacy every evening for eight days as he dutifully explained it all, recounting stories of previous celebrations with family, the flickering candlelight making it feel like they were in their own little world.

Klaus would never forget the intimacy of it, Dave’s hushed voice and his peaceful smile as he lost himself in the memories. Dave’s smile wasn’t a rare thing, the two of them were always laughing and joking, but this time there was something so open and genuine to it. It made Klaus feel special, being able to see this side of Dave, to share in such an important and personal part of his life. For once Klaus was content to simply listen.

But now they were in the future and could celebrate properly, no more sneaking around and hiding away. With Hanukkah approaching, he’d suggested it and Dave practically lit up at the idea and they’d left to get supplies almost immediately. Klaus couldn’t help but wonder if this partly meant so much to Dave because it represented a bit of normalcy returning to his life. Reintegrating into society was hard enough after fighting in a war, and he had to deal with time travel on top of that. Everything must have felt so foreign to him right now.

He supposed that in the end it didn’t really matter so long as it made Dave happy. He was still adorably excited and Klaus was just so glad to be able to see this side of him, to share in this part of Dave’s life. He couldn’t help himself, when they found themselves in an empty isle, he grabbed Dave’s hand and pulled him close, kissing him.

“What was that for?” Dave asked with a breathy laugh when he finally pulled away.

“What?” Klaus asked innocently. “Am I not allowed to kiss my boyfriend?”

They both took every opportunity to refer to each other that way, as boyfriends. It was just too surreal and wonderful. Neither of them had thought they’d be able to have this, and here they were building a life, creating their own traditions and celebrating holidays together. It was disgustingly domestic and Klaus couldn’t have been happier.

“Not when you look so suspicious,” Dave said, pointing accusingly. “I’m watching you so you better not put anything weird in the cart.”

“Like you could stop me,” Klaus said, sticking his tongue out at him before grinning mischievously as they went back to their shopping.

Klaus felt lighter and happier than he ever had in his entire life and was actually looking forward to the future for a change. He just hoped Dave felt the same. But then, given how tightly he squeezed his hand and the soft, fond smile he shot his way, Klaus was fairly certain he did.

#klaus hargreeves #dave katz #klave #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #fanfic #some people seem to forget dave is jewish #so i wanted to write something like this #i hope it's okay #my fic

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comicsteve-blog · 4 years

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23ish Things I’ve Learned about the World from Coronavirus.

This is not meant to belittle any of the chaos but to offer some slightly humorous perspective. Here are my quick observations on our new world:

1) ‘Driveway drinks’ are all the rage. - I’m a ‘social social’ distancer (SSD) and proactively socialize from 10-12 feet away. Most of us have reluctantly embraced social distancing. However, if you’re a social person, the creative emphasis is on the “social” part, not the “distance”. New taglines are emerging such as “Hey let’s eat not together”, “Facetime drinks anyone?”, or “Love to see you from 7 feet away!” Personal space will never be…. the …… same.

· (as an aside, there’s definitely a subset of the population who's thrilled to have a valid reason to be as anti-social as possible... you people know who you are).

2) Join me for a scotch by phone! Zoom video happy hours (ZVHH) will be a new thing. And they’re much cheaper to host - I open the Zoom room, you bring your own alcohol. Pants not required.

3) Household dynamics have changed - Stay at home moms & dads now have stressed out working from home husbands & wives, plus children learning at home. You’re forced to share your space, which can cause major distress. Soon each person will be assigned a room. Who gets the kitchen as their safe space? Who gets the bathroom? Trades will be made, fights will occur. I’ll trade you an avocado for use of the toilet.

4) Pre-Corona sanitizing – was there any? With everyone’s justified obsession with constant handwashing and sanitizing, it begs the question: Were we all dirty and unsanitary beforehand?? Was the subway ever sanitary? When was the last time my crappy gym was cleaned? Howie Mandel aside, I’m just not clear on where we stood on cleanliness in the past?

5) Demographic trends are emerging – Here are the top predicted trends that will emerge in the coming months/years: Corona-babies. Corona-divorces. Highest percentage of babies born to the recently divorced. Babies named Corona to honor their conception. Babies born very, very clean.

6) Spouse anxiety inequity (SAI) – This occurs when your spouse is exponentially more worried than you are. You’re ok with washing hands and taking basic precautions. But you’re not as keen to go apesh*t with your paranoia. One spouse is freaking out, the other is fine. Kids are confused, households divided. There are hand washing timers and toilet paper square limits. Of course, intimacy is out of the question until everything has been sufficiently washed for 20 seconds or more.

7) Newfound family time (NFT) - People have discovered things they never knew existed: 1) walks are a thing 2) family togetherness 3) nature. We didn’t need Trump to make America great again, it was the coronavirus. If there’s one thing we can be grateful for: newfound family love 😊. (note: too much of this will promptly lead to divorce).

8) Emails, so many emails! – Every company I’ve ever shopped or transacted at in the past 15 years has sent me emails. I get hundreds a day from businesses I forgot all about. It’s good to be back in touch Pilates studio I went to once 11 years ago! And I’m glad to hear you’re disinfecting your counters.

9) Physical greetings have eternally changed - Hand shaking is gone forever. Fist bumping is thankfully gone. Elbow shakes are a new thing. Head nods are nice. Finger guns are making a strong comeback. What else will emerge?

10) Rules about remote schooling – While teaching virtually, schools are encouraging kids to use Facetime and social media to be safe. Education by Tik-tok?? Despite the near term logic, everything we’ve been yelling at them about the past 10 years is out the window! Between social distancing and strictly electronic communication, I worry if kids will ever learn to talk to people in person? Is eye contact still a thing?

On the other hand, it’s a strange kind of torture for kids to be out of school yet unable to see their friends or play ball in the park.

11) Conversation about anything but Coronavirus is no longer a thing - I for one am burned out. I’m not trying to downplay the chaos; I’m just anxious and frustrated at having the same conversation repeatedly. Can we maybe discuss something else - even for a minute? Still, regardless of whatever topic you begin to explore during dinner, it inevitably gets turned back to COVID-19 in the end (even sex).

12) Watching the news is the most dangerous activity you can do - Nothing brings panic and anxiety more than CNN. By the way, has anything else happened in the news in the past week? Isn’t this an election year? I don’t know that I’ve heard any other stories. I feel badly for people who get sick or injured from non-COVID19 things… no one seems to care. (unless of course you’re Tom Hanks and have contracted COVID-19).

13) Reevaluating what you buy in the grocery store - You used to have a plan. Now you gladly take whatever’s left on the shelf. We don’t eat this. We do now!

· Only loser pasta is left. Gluten free, pasta made from chickpeas (what??).

· While the chicken is gone, there’s tons of fake meat available. Impossible!

· As a related aside, is there a reason everyone’s buying 18 cartons of toilet paper? Does coronavirus cause diarrhea? (does fake meat?)

· What’s the protocol for produce? It’s out and has clearly been touched. Hmmm. To be safe, I recommend turning all fruit into sangria “to kill the germs”

· Finally, I almost got into a knife fight at Shoprite last night because some fool tried to grab a bag of that delicious yellow Vigo rice out of my shopping cart. Some things are worth fighting for (as an aside, you can have my gluten free bread and oat milk).

14) The accidental cough (TAC) - God forbid someone coughs or sneezes publicly; they’re immediately met with dread. How dare you! Stay away! A sneeze on the bus is perhaps the most appalling thing anyone could do right now. The dry cough? Even worse. Please keep your non-corona bodily reactions to yourself.

15) Homemade hand sanitizer is a thing – I heard some are wasting perfectly good Tito’s vodka to try and make their own hand sanitizer. Tito’s had to put out a statement that it doesn’t work because the alcohol content is too low. In unrelated news, the moonshine business is really taking off nicely.

16) Watching sports – Seems like the sports networks, having run out of things to discuss, are now playing classics. I enjoyed the Mets-Expos 17 inning game from 1988 but seriously there’s got to be better programming options. We’re all home watching TV after all. BTW, if COVID-19 can’t boost network TV ratings, I’m not sure what could. (also please stop broadcasting video game football, that’s not a real sport).

17) Avoid large gatherings - Done. Small gatherings are all the rage. 50+ no good. 49 or under… no problem. (note this # changes daily, soon 7 will be the new cap).

18) Bars were closed on St. Patrick’s Day ☹ - This is an oxymoron. So what are we to do? Host a Zoom happy hour of course. Up to 49 people can attend (not sure I know that many people). I do feel bad for bar owners – their Superbowl has been cancelled.

19) No fighting – Somewhat related to St. Patty’s, fighting is now a thing of the past. You can aggressively curse someone out for coughing in public. Unless that person is unconcerned, there will be no physical retaliation. Go ahead, try it.

20) Travel deals anyone? Sure I imagine all travel may be shut down soon…. But in the meantime, you can quickly (and irresponsibly) book a trip to Florida for $50, the Caribbean for $75, or the space station on the moon for $179. Depending on your risk tolerance and recklessness, this is a great opportunity to see the world.

21) Ignore the stock market – Like everybody else, I watch in disgust as my investments plunge. But I don’t need this money tomorrow, so I’m doing my best to ignore it. Plus there are some obvious areas to potentially invest in: Zoom. Reckitt Benckiser (owns Lysol). Gojo Industries (owns Purell). P&G (TP). Netflix. And of course alcohol and cannabis companies are always a safe bet.

22) Classes at the Polo Club are shut down – this is perhaps the worse tragedy of all. The Polo Club in Boca Raton has canceled its classes. For fk’s sake! If my 75-year-old mother can’t start her day with Zumba, all hell is sure to break lose. As a related aside, mah-jongg tiles are basically carriers in and of themselves. You’ve never seen a Florida community spread a virus until a mah-jongg tournament gets underway.

23) Observe young children and animals - I realize that sounds awfully inappropriate. But I love the fact that my dog and kids playing outside are so innocent and naïve during these times. They don’t seem to have a worry in the world and keep enjoying life with a smile (or tail wag). Think like a child or a puppy, maybe you’ll feel better for a moment or two.

Kidding aside, we’re all doing our best to control this pandemic and get over the hump…. I leverage humor to treat my pain, and I think we all could use a little levity right now. Eventually, we’ll overcome and be back to a new normal (minus handshakes and in-person happy hours).

If you need me, I’ll be performing in an empty comedy club down the street. Stay tuned for my next post – foolproof tips on working from home! Stay safe my friends, Steve

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Stephen Strauss survived the corporate world for 20+ years and is now a content and marketing consultant. He’s performed stand-up comedy hundreds of times at comedy clubs and corporate functions including sales meetings and customer events. Research confirms his jokes made his fellow co-workers 47% happier.

Please connect at [email protected], via LinkedIn, or just open your window and scream his name (that's probably safest).

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debbdillon · 7 years

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ive-made-a-mystic-mistake · 7 years

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HOllo i was wondering if you could make one where mc is suicidal/cutting maybe???

oh jeez ok also to anyone who feels like this i am here for you but also please get help don’t ever leave this world. as someone going through this i understand how it can feel

TRIGGER WARNING CUTTING AND SUICIDAL THEMES

spoiler warning!!! there will be mention of things that happened in some of their routes!!!

~Zen~

●he had noticed you weren’t as enthusiastic or happy as you were in the messenger●in fact you were very different from how you were in chat, phone calls, and at the party●the only time you were close to the way you are acting now compared to before the party was when you were almost kidnapped and he rescued you●he was worried ●he just wanted you to be happy●he thought maybe he wasn’t making you happy●you noticed him trying extra hard ●you knew he was afraid he wasn’t making you happy enough●he was making you plenty happy and you wanted to tell him●but that risked worrying him about your thoughts●and you really didn’t want to worry him●you made an extra effort to act happier than you are ●he seemed to believe it ●but this boy has been through shit he knowshe gives you the space though ●one day when you thought he wasn’t home you had a break down ●you couldn’t stop sobbing ●your thoughts scared you ●you hated your self so badly you wanted to be your own executioner ●you were considering taking a blade to your skin ●but before you could succeed he was hugging you ●his face buried in your shoulder/neck●you felt tears●why was he crying?●he was so sad that you were so unhappy ●he wanted so badly to find a way to eliminate all sadness from your life●he didn’t want you to suffer●you both are sitting there crying and hugging ●not saying anything ●just crying it out●sometimes that’s all you can do ●later he talks to you about it●he says he is willing to ask jumin for financial help to get you the help you need but only if you are ok with it●you think about it for a while ●you agree ●and its really tough●you feel like you are an outsider because of it he comforts you constantly●and always greets you with the brightest smile ●and acts happy for you unless you really need to be serious●hes really worried about you ●hes there for you for all of it ●hes so happy when he sees you getting better

~Yoosung~

●he was out getting groceries or steam cards or both●you werent feeling the best ●thats an understatement●you were staying at yoosungs house because your sister got in a bad accident and your families place was near his so he offered for you to stay ●youve been missing your sister so badly●there were so many things you didnt get to say●if only she listened to you when you said you have a bad feeling and she shouldnt go driving●you didnt get to say goodbye to her either●yoosung had wanted to comfort you but didn’t wanna be too pushy or upset you●while he was away those thoughts came back●you started crying●maybe you could join her in heaven●you miss her just so much ●you pull out you sleep meds ●you are about to take them but you just cant bring yourself to do it●so you just resort to putting a blade to you flesh ●you chose to do this in the bathroom ●you go through with this●you are shaking so bad ●you wonder if this is any where near the pain your sister felt●you know that isnt true●there go all those months clean down the drain●you are crying too much and too far in your thoughts to reallize yoosung was calling for you ●when he hears you in the bathroom he panics ●hes crying begging you too open the door so he can make sure you are ok●he manages to unlock the door finding you in the bath tub blood staining your clothes and skin●you notice him start to shake panicking ●he rushes to you asking you if you are ok ●he tries to not cry ●you say nothing too ashamed that he found you like this●he is suddenly shakily taking a wet washcloth to your cuts and cleaning them out putting bandages on them ●you look at him more tears threatening to spill out of your eyes ●he is holding back tears too and he hugs you so tightly ●“please never hurt yourself it pains me to see you in so much pain”●he makes you promise to never do this again●he becomes so clingy and worried about you●he tries to hide it ●he tries to comfort you constantly●cuddles

~jaehee~

●you had messed up your schedule and planned something with jaehee the day your siblings wanted to hang out with you●you missed the time with your siblings thinking that they would understand●they really didn’t●they hassled you and got really mean with you● now this isn’t what cause you to be suicidal●but it was the last straw●jaehee noticed your change in attitude and tried to help you●but you only added more things for yourself to do ●jaehee worried for you and always did little things for you like make you coffee in the morning or clean the place up before you woke up●but she wouldn’t go to you about it she wanted you to come to her●one day it all became too much and you crashed●you literally broke down in tears one day when watching zens musical with jaehee●you were shaking●jaehee pulled you close and played with your hair humming to you to get you to calm down enough to speak●she was really good at calming you down●you confide in her saying that your siblings have never been nice to you and have always been jealous ●so when they pulled this stunt it was the last straw●she says she will be back and goes to the store●she comes back with ice cream comfy pjs and a blanket ●she says this always helps her when she is feeling really upset ●yall have matching pjs ●it’s adorable●they are zen themed●so is the blanket●hes honored that he gets to help you feel better●she also urges you to get therapy because it could seriously help her feel better as well

~jumin~

●you and him had gotten another cat about two years ago ●but this cat was yours and you named him cloud ●you named him cloud after cloud strife from ffvii but only saeyoung and yoosung know this●you and this cat were very close ●one day he escapes so you and jumin are searching for him●you get outside and witness him get hit by a car●jumin has to try his hardest to keep you from running in the street●you are completely distraught●you have curled up in a ball on the side walk shaking●jumin is very upset as well●you can see tears streaming down his face as he stops traffic to get cloud’s body ●later, as jumin is preparing the funeral because he is extra and loves cats as much as I do, you are by yourself a shaking sobbing mess ●old thoughts came back and you were scared by this●you had gotten so used to having cloud there when jumin was gone ●like Elizabeth the third was nice●but she wasn’t as cuddly or c9mforting as cloud was to you●you really wanna self mutilate●you shake more somehow as you are about do it ●you resort to just messaging the rfa chat rooms about the whole ordeal●this is the one time zen is com0letely ok with talking about cats●everyone is really sad and supporting●when jumin comes back you and him just hug really tightly for awhile sobbing●even Elizabeth seems sad●you and jumin are there for each other through the whole thing●you both decide to get therapy for dealing with this situation

~seven~

●you had always been able to talk about how you didnt really grow up with parents because they both died when you were really young●but for some reason today you couldn’t handle it●the topic came up when seven was curious about your ancestory because he got an ancestry.com subscription and was curious about you ●you started talking about what you have heard of your parents and began to start shaking ●he noticed you eyes well up●he was about to go to comfort you but you said you had to use the bathroom and hid in there for like 30 minutes●you tried your hardest to sob quietly●you wish you could of met them ●you think about how if you just died you could●when you are about to slkt your throat he walks in●in no time the tool you were gonna use is gone from your hand and he is holding you close shaking and crying●he starts apologizing for bringing your parents up●he begs you to never hurt your self●he literally puts a secret code to all the blades in the house ●he also has them all in sheaths ●he makes sure you know you are loved and ok●constant worrying and small gifts

~saeran~

●you get a call from your very abusive mother●this puts you on edge●she mainly mentally and emotionally abused you more than physical●you tell her things about saeran that are safe to release to the public ●she starts calling him psychotic so you stand up for him●she makes sure you know she still thinks you are a psychopath and that you should be removed from this world●by the end of this call you are angry but that’s just to hide your sadness and hurt●you take a knife and destroy everything she and your family members that agree with her gave to you●you start thinking about what if they were gone●they think you are so psychopathic then why don’t you let them win and show them●you realize your thoughts and then panic deciding that if you do take a life it will be your own●you try to stab yourself●you just cant do it ●in anger you aggressively cut your arms and legs●saeran walks in 30 minutes after you finish ●he is shocked ●he just looks at you eyes wide mouth slightly agape●he demands that you explain●hes just shaking ●as you explain he manages to take the knife from you●when you finish he sits in front of you and with a very serious face he cuts his arm●you panic and ask him why he is doing that●he simply asks how it makes you feel when he does this to himself ●you realize what he is doing and tell him it makes you feel terrible●he asks you why you do it then ●why would you add more hurt to him ●he will help you with your emotions of course●you both need to be happy and stable●he tells you that every time he finds a new cut on you that he will cut him self so that you realize how it’s hurting those around you●this really helps you to stop cutting●you help each other out all the time●and after a while you both get a bit better●he also gives you cuddles to make you feel better because he remembers you mentioning you love cuddles once ●now he always cuddles you ●he lowkey loves cuddling too

~v~

●he knows the signs●he dated rika remember●even if he can’t see too well●he knows●hes afraid to talk to you about it●but he forces himself to because he doesn’t want you to be like rika●hes really supportive●he begs you to go into therapy●he makes sure your days are always bright and happy●he let’s you vent when you need to●he tells you that if you hurt yourself you hurt those around you●he buys you nice markers to use to draw on yourself when you feel like hurting yourself●he loves seeing the things you draw●when he notices you getting better he is over joyed

Sorry this was so long and took forever to write!!!I’m also sorry v’s part is so short omg but I used some personal experiences in here so it would feel more real. I really hope you enjoy it!!! (I’ll have to edit this later to look nicer when I finally get to a computer lmao)

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two-grave-s · 3 years

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Fear-Themed Head-canon Questions

Spiders: Does your muse squish bugs or put them outside?

{Eva}

A frown as she considers her last experience with a bug. "Squishing them is faster and easier. It's not exactly easy to take a bug outside from eight floors up. That said, I don't go out of my way to step on them outside."

{Beckett}

His shrugs nonchalantly. "I prefer it if they aren't in my space but I have no problem taking them outside."

The Dark: Did your muse sleep with a nightlight as a child?

{Eva}

"Oh, probably. My sister used to try to scare me with ghost stories and shit like that, so I slept with a nightlight. I also had glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling."

{Beckett}

He taps his chin with a long forefinger in thought. "I'm sure I did but I don't really remember. If I did, it wasn't for more than a few years past the start of school age. I grew out of those childish fears rather quickly."

Snakes: Would your muse ever keep an unusual/exotic pet?

{Eva}

She shakes her head. "No pets in the condo. We barely have enough space as it is."

{Beckett}

"My lifestyle doesn't leave much space for a pet, let alone one that would require specialized care."

Blood: What’s the worst injury your muse has ever had?

{Eva}

She tilts her head back and forth rhythmically. "Probably the one and only time I've ever gotten shot." She taps just below the joint where her shoulder meets her arm. "It was in and out pretty clean, burned like hell, bled a lot." A faint smirk. "Perp got his, though. Carmichael put him down before he could hurt anyone else."

{Beckett}

"Oh, I've broken my fair share of bones in my life. Mostly when I was a boy: bike accidents, falling out of trees, the usual sort of mischief boys get up to. I can't say which was the worst of them as they were so long ago."

Clowns: Does your muse prefer comedy? Or horror?

{Eva}

She sneers. "Neither. I prefer something easier to digest and less mind-numbing."

{Beckett}

"Comedy! I love a good laugh every now and then! Besides, my Claire can't handle horror. It gives her nightmares."

Mirrors: What is your muse’s least favorite thing about their appearance?

{Eva}

She sighs. "My ankles. They look awkward in heels."

{Beckett}

He shrugs again. "My darling Rachel has no complaints. Why should I?"

Tight Space: Does your muse ever feel that they’re not living up to their own potential?

{Eva}

She's quiet a moment and then shrugs uncomfortably. "Sometimes. There's cold cases that still keep me up at night. I feel like if I were at my peak, I'd have been able to solve them. But does that mean I've passed my peak? Or that I have yet to achieve it?"

{Beckett}

He waves his hand dismissively and grins wide. "No chance! I have a lovely wife, a beautiful daughter, and a fulfilling career. What more could I want?"

Closet Monsters: Does your muse hide any aspects of their personality/life from others?

{Eva}

She shrugs. "Who doesn't? We're all different people from friend group to work group to family group. It's what we hide that's important and I don't think I hide anything condemning from any one of them."

{Beckett}

"I have nothing to hide from anyone. I'm nothing if not completely open about who and what I am to anyone who asks."

Crowds: What does your muse think of big cities?

{Eva}

"I've lived in one my whole life, so I have nothing to compare it to. I like it, minus the propensity for higher crime rates. There's a lot of... well, everything. And it's all conveniently close to each other. I don't think I'd know what to do with more space or having to drive twenty minutes to find the nearest gas station or grocery store."

{Beckett}

"Everything is so close together, it's hard to move and breathe without feeling like you're right on top of everyone else. We're all crammed in like sardines in a tin and I don't see the appeal, really. My passions moved me out this way, though, and I'm glad to be able to chase my dreams here while providing for myself and my family, so I don't have too much to complain about."

Death: Name one thing your muse has lost that they wish they could get back.

{Eva}

"...my sister."

{Beckett}

He takes a deep breath. "Time. The time I wasted in St. Louis, in Cleveland, in Detroit. I'm much happier here and I just wish I'd found this place sooner."

Ghosts: Has your muse ever seen something they couldn’t explain?

{Eva}

"Honestly? People. I can't explain the cruelty and indifference people have for each other. It's sickening sometimes."

{Beckett}

"I have to agree with the good detective. People are far less explainable than even the most frightening monsters or aliens."

Needles: Does your muse have a strong stomach?

{Eva}

"You have to in order to be in my line of work. It doesn't mean you don't feel anything. Just means you know how to put it aside to do your job."

{Beckett}

"Certainly. Sometimes what I do can make one squeamish, but it's what I have to do and so I have to be able overcome that uncertainty and push through."

Curses: Does your muse believe in good/bad luck? How about karma?

{Eva}

"I wish I believed in karma. It would be easier to believe that karma always gets the people who deserve it most, but that just ain't the way it is. So I choose to believe in justice instead and fight for it every step of the way."

{Beckett}

"Good luck is pulling triple sevens on a slot machine. Bad luck is a freak accident that costs you everything. There's no balance, no equalizer when it comes to luck or karma. Just a cruel system that leaves the little people behind without a care. No, I don't believe in those things. I believe in what we do for each other and the impacts we have on the lives of those around us by caring."

Heights: Is your muse a risk-taker?

{Eva}

"Sure, but not in a thrill-seeking kinda way. Every time I put on this badge, I'm taking a risk that it'll be the last time. But the potential to help others beforehand is what makes it worth it, every time."

{Beckett}

"I have to in my line of work. I have to risk that I'm doing the right thing, that I'll get the right outcome, that I'm helping the right people. It's all a risk of some sort, but I don't enjoy the toss up of it. I prefer to know for sure than risk making a mistake."

Solitude: Name 3 things your muse couldn’t live without.

{Eva}

"My husband, my kids, my partner."

{Beckett}

"My wife, my daughter, my work."

Fire: Would your muse rather be very cold, or very hot?

{Eva}

"I prefer the cold, which is nice given we live so far north."

{Beckett}

"Hmm... I prefer moderate temperatures, but if I had to choose, I'd go for the cold."

Failure: Has your muse ever given up on an important dream?

{Eva}

"...catching my sister's killer."

{Beckett}

"A few, I'm sure, but you do what you must for the good of your family."

Abandonment: How would your muse win back someone who left them?

{Eva}

She rolls her eyes. "If a partner and I broke up, it was probably for good reason. I'm not going to chase after someone if they felt they were better off without me, regardless of why."

{Beckett}

He looks forlorn a moment then smiles quickly. "Oh, I don't know. If we split because we were incompatible, there's no point in trying to win them back. The same could be said for them falling out of love with me. If it was something I said or something I did, well... I'd apologize and work on my behavior, try to change so I don't hurt them again. If that didn't work, then I suppose I'd simply have to accept their decision and try to do and be better for my next partner." He stares at nothing for several seconds before shrugging. "Not that it matters. My wife and I are still very much in love and we communicate with each other openly and honestly so we know when we've done something to upset the other person without being made to feel ashamed or guilty."

The Unknown: Is your muse a philosophical person?

{Eva}

The corner of her mouth curls in a thoughtful manner. "Not really. I don't buy into the wistful why's and wherefores of the things people do. It's rarely about why they did something as much as about what they did."

{Beckett}

He smiles broadly. "I'd like to think I am. I don't know that anything I've ever said is exceptionally deep or thought-provoking but that doesn't mean I don't dabble in the philosophical now and again."

Boogeyman: What position does your muse sleep in?

{Eva}

"On my side, sometimes halfway between my side and my stomach."

{Beckett}

"Hmm. Usually I sleep on my side, facing Rachel's side of the bed."

Falling: What does your muse think about falling in love or commitment?

{Eva}

"I'm not really a romantic, but family is everything to me and commitment is important. I don't commit myself to a lot because I take it seriously when I do commit to something. I don't want to have conflicting situations if I can help it."

{Beckett}

He smiles dreamily. "There's nothing better than the feeling of falling in love or finding something/someone you love. I remember the moment I knew I was falling in love with Rachel and when they put little Claire in my arms for the first time. Those moments mean the world to me. I'm an incredibly lucky man to have them.

"Commitment is a serious thing and I don't take it lightly. I find it hard to let go when others don't keep their commitments to me or those important to me and I don't back out from my own commitments."

Change: What was a turning point in your muse’s life?

{Eva}

She grasps her right elbow with her left hand. "The day I lost my sister. It's what made me want to become a cop, so hopefully no one would ever have to go through the hell I went through as a kid."

{Beckett}

"The day my daughter was born. I was at a very low point in my life and Rachel and I were struggling to stay afloat. Her pregnancy was such a difficult time for her and I couldn't help. I was afraid we wouldn't make it. But then Claire finally came into the world and it was like everything changed. Rachel recovered, as did our relationship as a result. I got a better job where I felt like I'd found my calling. Everything got better and, at the end of it all, I had Claire."

Disease: What does your muse do on a sick day?

{Eva}

"Typically I work from home if I'm able. I don't get sick much or often anymore, but I try to work through it if I can. No sense in losing a day of work just because I'm feeling under the weather."

{Beckett}

"If I'm sick, it's because my body needs rest, so I rest. I try to keep my distance from Rachel and Claire so I don't risk getting them sick, too, usually by taking something for the illness and sleeping it off."

Number 13: Does your muse believe any superstitions?

{Eva}

She looks uncharacteristically sheepish for a second. "I run my fingers over my badge when I'm feeling nervous or frustrated or unsafe. I don't know where I picked up the habit, but it's carried me through more situations than I can count and it's kept me levelheaded and clear for all the many years I've carried it. I don't know if that counts as a superstition but I believe in it."

{Beckett}

He waves his hand. "I don't buy into superstition. Lucky number seven, breaking a mirror, that sort of thing. It's all nonsense."

Noise: Name one sound your muse finds absolutely unbearable.

{Eva}

"Construction noises. Loud machinery makes my ears ring, even if I'm not close enough to really be damaging my ears."

{Beckett}

"Fingernails on chalkboards, cutlery on plates, etc. Just thinking about the sound makes me cringe."

Insects: Name something your muse finds gross or annoying.

{Eva}

She shrugs. "Most bodily fluids don't bother me. I'm either wearing gloves or have dealt with it either as a mom or as a woman. So, if I had to pick something gross, I'd probably say... Oh, I don't know. Chewing tobacco? I don't really jive with smoking but I'm around it enough it doesn't get to me that much. But I can't understand chewing tobacco."

{Beckett}

"Mm, needles tend to get to me more than I'd care to admit, but not much really grosses me out."

Dolls: Has your muse ever collected something?

{Eva}

"My sister and I collected Barbies as kids, but what little girl doesn't? Otherwise, I don't really collect anything now or have before. My dad had a coin collection I thought was cool and I considered starting one myself, but it never went anywhere."

{Beckett}

"Trinkets, sometimes, usually for Rachel or Claire."

Getting Old: Would your muse rather live 50 years loved, or 200 years alone?

{Eva}

"Fifty years loved."

{Beckett}

"Oh absolutely fifty years loved. What's the point of living if you do it alone?"

Social Phobia: Does your muse consider themselves an outgoing person?

{Eva}

"I'm not shy if that's what you mean. I'm not sure I'd consider myself specifically outgoing but I don't shy away from things, including social interactions with new people."

{Beckett}

"I can't afford to be shy or afraid to talk to others where I work and I'm so used to it from doing it all day, that talking to complete strangers doesn't phase me at all."

#Eva Cole - Two Graves #Aaron Beckett - Two Graves #Development material #Promo tumblr

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charllieeldridge · 5 years

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Living in Rome: A Guide For Digital Nomads

Imagine starting your morning with a shot of espresso and a freshly baked cornetto before making your way to your co-working space. Your walk takes you down a winding cobblestone path, past colorful Reinassance buildings and trickling fountains. After work, you plan to head to the local market before meeting up with some of your new friends for refreshing afternoon Aperitivo.

If you plan to live and work in Rome, your days could be spent doing exactly that. This is one of the best places to visit in Italy, for sure.

After living in Rome for several months, I can attest that Rome is one of the best places for freelancers and digital nomads. Not only is the cost of living in Rome relatively affordable, but you’ll also have the opportunity to meet plenty of expats just like yourself.

If you’ve ever considered moving to Rome, then this article is for you. I’ll cover why you should live in Rome, how to find accommodation, and where to book a co-working space. I’ll even give you a few insider tips on where to eat and what to see during your stay.

After this article, you’ll be on your way to a new, unforgettable journey in Italy. Here’s my digital nomad guide to living in Rome.

Cost of Living in Rome

Although it’s considered one of the most expensive cities in Italy, Rome can still be affordable. Here’s a breakdown of expenses that you should take into account when living in Rome.

Accommodation Costs in Rome

Generally speaking, the closer you live to the historic city center, the more expensive your rent will be. If you don’t mind taking the tram or subway, you can find a cheaper apartment in the suburbs or outskirts of Rome.

Depending on the neighborhood, renting a private studio or 1-bedroom apartment will cost around 800€ – 1400€ ($880 – $1,545 USD) per month, including utilities. Shared flats are cheaper, and you can expect to pay anywhere from 400€-1000€ ($440 – $1,100) per month. Keep in mind that furnished flats will cost more.

Food Costs in Rome

One of the best things about living in Rome is eating local cuisine. Fortunately, Romans take their cooking very seriously, and there are plenty of dining options for every budget. On average, you can expect to pay the following prices when eating out in a restaurant in Rome:

3-course meal for two people at a mid-range restaurant: 70€ ($77)

Fast food meal with drink: 6€ ($6.60)

.5 liter of local beer: 3€ ($3.30)

Bottle of wine: 20€ ($22)

Bottle of water: 1€ ($1.10)

If you are sticking to a budget, don’t worry; groceries in Rome are much cheaper than in other parts of Europe. Not to mention, there are tons of markets throughout the city that sell fresh, organic produce of the highest quality. If you plan on cooking while living in Rome, you can pay the following prices for grocery store ingredients:

Loaf of bread: 1€ ($1.10)

Local cheese: 2€ ($2.20)

12 eggs: 2.50€ ($2.75)

Bottle of wine: 5.00€ ($5.50)

Bottle of beer: 1.10€ ($1.20)

1kg chicken breast: 3.80€ ($4.20)

Going out for drinks in Rome can be cheap, if you know where to go! Hotel bars, touristy areas, and cocktail lounges sell drinks that are just as expensive as other parts of the Western world. However, you can still find affordable bars and lounges that sell cheap drinks.

Cocktail in mid-range bar: 10€ ($11)

Cocktail in expensive bar: 15€ ($16.50)

Glass of wine in mid-range bar: 4€ ($4.40)

Afternoon apperitvo: 5€ ($5.50)

Transportation Costs in Rome

If you live in the city center of Rome, you’ll have plenty of public transportation options available. It’s important to note that tourists and foreigners are not allowed to drive in the historic city center of Rome. However, you can still take buses, trams, trains, and taxi to most destinations around the city. Note, there is Uber in Rome, but you are only able to order Uber Black, Uber Lux or Uber Van.

Single ticket (1 zone) : 1.50€ ($1.65)

Monthly ticket: 35€ ($38.60)

Taxi (1 mile): 6€ ($6.60)

Best Neighbourhoods in Rome

Within Rome’s city limits, there are 14 distinct neighborhoods – or riones, as the locals say. Each rione has a unique identity, and it’s up to you to decide which one fits your style and budget. Here are some of my favorite places to stay in Rome.

Trastevere

Located on across the Tiber river, Trastevere is considered Rome’s most picturesque rione. With ivy-lined brick buildings and charming courtyard cafes, Trastevere oozes with Italian style and atmosphere. At night, the neighborhood becomes one of the hippest nightlife areas, with students, locals, and visitors spilling out into the street with glasses of wine. Even though you’re a 10-minute walk from Centro Storico, you’ll feel as if you’re miles away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Monti

A stone’s throw from Roma Termini Station is the quaint Monti district. Dotted with boutique stores, hip cafes, and small wine bars, this cozy neighborhood attracts visitors and locals alike. At night, you’ll find plenty of local Italians sitting outside in one of the squares, listening to music and chatting with friends. This is a great place to live if you want to see the cooler, artistic side of Rome that most tourists overlook.

Centro Storico

If you want to be in the center of it all, there’s no better rione than Centro Storico. Home to jaw-dropping attractions like the Pantheon and Trevi Fountain, Centro Storico is the heart of the city. There’s no shortage of restaurants, shops, or bars. However, there is one downside: you’ll be sharing your space with thousands of other people!

Testaccio

Tucked away in the south of the city is the residential neighborhood of Testaccio. Although you may see a tourist or two around, this is an excellent option for people who want an authentic taste of real Roman life. You’re still within walking distance of Centro Storico, but you’re lightyears away from the hectic and slightly chaotic masses of crowds. Foodies will also love being right next door the famous Mercato Testaccio, which is open every day except Sunday.

Co-working Spaces in Rome

Before you start working as a digital nomad in Rome, it’s crucial to find a reliable and functional co-working space. Fortunately, Rome has dozens of fun and unique co-working offices to choose from.

Millepiani – Located south of the city is Rome’s award-winning co-working space, Millepiani. Monthly prices start at just 75€ ($82.75) a desk and come with free internet, printing, meeting room usage, and even an on-site kitchen. If you’re looking for a space bursting with creative atmosphere, then Millepiani is the spot for you.

FAMO COSE – Situated in the heart of Pignento, FAMO COSE is not your average co-working space. They cater to creative and hands-on freelancers by providing photography darkrooms, 3D printers and scanners, and even carpentry and welding tools. A one-month membership starts at just 150€ ($165) per person.

Cowo 360 – As one of the more traditional spaces in Rome, Cowo 360 is an affordable option for digital nomads. Desks can be rented hourly, daily, or monthly, which is ideal for those needing a bit more flexibility. They also host a variety of events, such as networking meetups and instructional courses.

Finding Rome Accommodation

In a city with almost three million residents, finding the ideal apartment can prove challenging. However, there are several Rome accommodation websites you should use to help you with your search. These English sites cater to foreigners and expats needing both long-term and short-term stays.

SpotAHome – think of SpotAHome like a long-term Airbnb Rental. All furnished flats are individually rented by the owner. What really makes SpotAHome stand out is that a SpotAHome employee personally verifies the flats that are listed. Some employees also shoot walk-through videos, so you know exactly what you’re renting. This is the service I used while living in Rome for several months, and I couldn’t have been happier with the flat!

NestPick – is an English website that aggregates thousands of furnished flat listings for Rome. Their easy to use search system allows you to filter between different neighborhoods, and desired move in and move out date. Learn more here.

ZappyRent – whether you’re searching for a shared room or a private flat, ZappyRent has a wide selection of apartments in Rome. You can filter by size, budget, and location. The best thing about ZappyRent is that it’s completely free to use! You can rent a flat directly from the owner without paying extra fees or commission prices.

Top Things to Do in Rome

Once you arrive in Rome, you’ll probably want to head straight for the ancient Colosseum or Roman Forum. After all, no visit to Rome would be complete without visiting these iconic landmarks! However, if you look beyond the major tourist attractions when travelling Rome, you’ll find that the city is teeming with unique attractions around every corner.

Here are some of the best touristy (and non-touristy) things to do in the Eternal City.

Campo de’ Fiori and Mercato Testaccio

As one of the oldest markets in Rome, Campo de’ Fiori is a lively place in the center of the city. This market operates from 7 am to 2 pm Monday through Saturday, and sells everything from fresh flowers and vegetables to Italian spices and souvenirs. Although it’s more touristy than other markets in Rome, its Campo de’ Fiori is still a great place to watch Roman daily life.

For a more authentic market experience, head to Mercato Testaccio in the charming Testaccio neighborhood. Attracting a local crowd, Mercato Testaccio sells a variety of goods, including clothes, kitchen supplies, and fresh produce. Don’t forget to stop by Mordi & Vai, a hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop that’s possibly more famous than the market itself.

Villa Borghese

If you’re looking to escape the hustle of the city, head to the top of Villa Borghese, one of the largest parks in Rome. Home to lush gardens, world-famous museums, and sprawling grass fields, Villa Borghese is an urban oasis where you can unwind.

Stop by Galleria Borghese, which contains a vast collection of artistic masterpieces from Bernini, Rossi, and Rotari. Or bring a picnic and a bottle of wine and soak in the sun for a relaxing afternoon. Make sure to stop by Viale del Muro Torto for an unbeatable and dramatic view of Rome.

The Vatican

Whether you’re admiring the Sistine Chapel or marveling at the grandiose St. Paul’s Cathedral, the Vatican is a must-see while in Rome. This tiny city-state is home to the Roman Catholic Church and attracts millions of visitors every year.

If you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of the Pope, then you’re in luck! The easiest way to see the Pope is during the Papal Audience, which takes place every Wednesday at 10 or 10:30 am. It’s free to attend, but make sure to come early to snag a good seat.

Baths of Caracalla

Dating back to the 3rd century, the Baths of Caracalla is one of the best-preserved ruins of a traditional Roman bathhouse. In fact, the blueprint of the baths influenced many other notable buildings that were built around Rome.

During your visit, you’ll be able to walk the same path as the ancient Romans. Visit the swimming pool, on-site libraries, and even a frigidarium – or cold room. You’ll even have a chance to see the colorful mosaic tiles and statues that once adorned the walls of the bathhouse.

WiFi and SIM Cards in Rome

With a SIM card, it’s easy to stay connected to family and friends while living in Rome. You can buy a prepaid SIM card at the airport, or in a mobile phone store like Vodaphone, TIM, or WIND 3. You’ll need to make sure your smartphone is “unlocked” so that you can add an international SIM card.

If you’re staying in Rome for an extended period, you’ll need to top up your card. All you have to do is visit a tobacco shop, newsstand, or supermarket to add more money to your SIM card. Keep in mind that most places only take cash in Euros. Foreign credit cards might not be accepted.

WiFi is also readily available in most tourist areas. Cafes, restaurants, and hotels offer free WiFi to patrons. You might be able to find city-wide hotspots in Centro Storico and other popular neighborhoods.

Best Restaurants in Rome

There’s no doubt that Rome is home to some of the best restaurants on the planet. Whether you’re eating homemade pasta from a family-run restaurant or sampling traditional fried artichokes and risotto balls, Rome has something for every taste.

As a rule of thumb, you should look for smaller restaurants away from popular tourist attractions. Restaurants located near the Colosseum, Pantheon, and Trevi Fountain tend to be overpriced and less authentic compared to other restaurants in Rome.

After living in Rome and eating my way through dozens of restaurants, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite places.

Roma Sparita – Tucked away in the back streets of Trastevere, this charming establishment still manages to keep its old-school Italian charm. During the summer, you can enjoy your meal in the sun-soaked terrace out front. You can’t go wrong with any dish here, but take my advice and order the cacio e pepe, a simple Roman pasta dish made with pecorino cheese and freshly ground pepper. It’s by far the best version I found in Rome!

La Salumeria – For the best selection of cold cuts, cheeses, and sandwiches, head to La Salumeria next to the Sant’Angelo bridge. This deli-style restaurant serves gourmet charcuterie boards filled with homemade jams, Italian cured meats, and mouth-watering cheeses. If you don’t see a mix you like, you can also customize your own platter with your favorites.

Pizzarium – Located near Vatican City, Pizzarium takes pizza to the next level. The brainchild of famous chef Gabriele Bonci, Pizzarium whips up unique flavors that change by the hour. These rectangular pizzas are cut and sold by the weight, so go ahead and try as many types that you want!

Osteria del Sostengo – You know you’re in a good restaurant when the whole place is overflowing with locals! Osteria del Sostengo has all the features of the perfect Italian restaurant – friendly service, fresh meats and pasta, and a neverending list of wines. The only downside is that the place is so popular that you’ll probably end up waiting a while for a table.

Transportation in Rome

Getting around the inner city of Rome using public transport is relatively easy. One ticket allows you to take most methods of transportation, like buses, trains, and railway trams. Tickets can be purchased from the machines in the metro station, or in a tobacco shop or newsstand.

While transportation is cheap in Rome, it may not always be on time or reliable. It’s not uncommon to wait for a bus or tram for 10-20 minutes after it’s scheduled to arrive. If you need to be somewhere urgently, I recommend taking an Uber or Taxi.

Although Rome is a sprawling metropolis, it’s actually fairly easy to get around on foot. Starting at Roma Termini station, most attractions and neighborhoods can be reached within 15-20 minutes. Not only will you save money by walking, but you’ll also get the chance to see some of the city’s hidden streets, buildings, and sights.

The underground train can take you to most places in Rome, with the exception of Centro Storico. The two main lines are Linea A (red) and Linea B (blue), which intersect and meet at Roma Termini train station.

Obtaining a Visa for Italy

If you plan to stay in Rome for an extended period, you might be required to get a long-term visa.

Canadian and US citizens can enter Italy and stay for up to 90 days for the purpose of tourism without a visa. However, you will be required to obtain a visa if you plan to stay in Italy longer than three months. If you plan to put down some temporary roots in Rome, this might be an alright option for you.

British citizens can also live in Italy visa-free for up to 90 days. However, it is unknown how Brexit will impact visa procedures in the future. Specific details for British citizens will be released once Brexit has been finalized.

In Italy, long-term visas are classified as D visas. There are different types of D visas, depending on your reason for staying in Rome. If you come to Italy for work, then your company will sponsor a work visa or EU blue card. Another option is to enroll in university or school in order to receive a student visa.

Digital nomads starting their own business can apply for two different visas. Italy offers self-employment visas, as well as start-up entrepreneur visas.

The visa application process can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months. For this reason, I recommend applying for your visa months before you plan to move to Rome.

Pros and Cons of Living in Rome

Living in Rome as a digital nomad can be a life-changing experience. But just like any other country in the world, there are several strong advantages and disadvantages to keep in mind.

Pros of Living in Rome

Amazing, mouthwatering food around every corner

Centuries of history and culture in one of the world’s oldest cities

Creative and affordable co-working spaces

Lively nightlife and bar culture

Cheap transportation

Easy to travel around Italy and other places in Europe

Cost of living is lower compared to other parts of the world

Cons of Living in Rome

Tons of tourists everywhere (especially during peak summer tourist season)

Can be difficult to obtain a long-term visa

Traffic can be bad

Foreigners are not allowed to drive in the city center

Petty theft and pickpockets are common

English isn’t commonly spoken outside of hotels and restaurants

High unemployment rate for locals and expats

Final Thoughts

With over 3,000 years of history, art, and culture, Rome is a breathtaking city for all types of visitors, travelers, and digital nomads. Between the iconic landmarks, historic ruins, and charming cobblestone alleyways, you’ll always have something to see and explore in Rome.

As a freelancer, Rome is also one of the best places to live. This welcoming city has a variety of co-working spaces where you can mingle with other creative nomads and expats from around the world. Housing, food, and transportation is also more affordable than other countries in Europe, which is ideal for those looking to save money or stick to a budget.

So why not spend a few months living in one of the oldest and most fascinating cities in the world? After all, you’re in Rome; enjoy delicious food, soak in the lively atmosphere, and do everything exactly as the Romans do!

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bigmouthbadsleeper · 6 years

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Is There An Emoji For That? (In Which I Explain My Relationship With Depression)

I’m having a hard time. It’s a Tuesday afternoon and my feelings are getting the better of me. My work schedule is one that provides me with Tuesday and Thursday afternoons off, which usually is great. I can fill that time with other things, like hair and makeup clients, errands, or housework. Even though those afternoons are technically time off from my job, I like to fill them with other kinds of work. I don’t like to have down time with nothing to do. It’s rare that I would be sitting on my couch, watching Netflix shows, getting lost on social media, or even reading a book. As someone with depression and anxiety, if I’m at home with nothing to do, my feelings get the better of me. I’m feeling a lot right now, on this particular Tuesday. I’m sad because my dog just died, and there’s this gaping hole where he used to be. I’m stressing over what I will write here, and if it will make any sense or help anyone. I don’t know what I’m making for dinner, or what I will have to buy from the grocery store in order to make it. I’m also lowkey invested in the smell coming from my fridge. I can’t figure out what it is. I’ve cleaned the fridge out multiple times in the last week but the smell is still there. It’s shocking, really. It bothers me but I’m also slightly impressed at whatever it is. Good hiding out, man. Way to hold strong. You’re driving me crazy, but I admire your persistence.

As I’ve gotten older, my relationship with my mental illnesses has changed. That’s right, fam. I said “illnesses”, plural. My depression and anxiety have always gone hand in hand. I used to think of my illnesses as something that I have no control over; like it’s something that just happens to me while I sit by, helpless. I used to feel as though my life wasn’t my own, like I was watching someone else’s life through one of those old Super 8 video cameras with the grainy, jumpy film. I really believed that I was powerless against my feelings, like they were an ocean that I was drowning in. Sometimes I still feel that way, but because of my healthier relationship with my illnesses, I know that I’m not really drowning. It’s important for us to have an understanding of our illnesses, whatever they may be, so that we can have a healthy relationship with them. In the emotion ocean, feelings come in waves. It’s just like my favorite bad boy poet John Mayer says, “Oh, honey. It’s just a wave. And I know that when it comes, I just hold on until it’s gone.” Though I can’t choose when the waves of depression or anxiety hit me, I can control whether or not I allow myself to be submerged. By learning how my illnesses affect me, I have been able to teach myself how to keep from drowning.

(i’m the sad ball on the L but also the v angry person on the R)

Everyone deals with mental illness in a different way. Some people garden or paint. Some wake up early every day and go to the gym. Some sing or write. Some of us do all of these things because we need all the help we can get. Medication is available when singing and gardening and painting aren’t enough. Though it is not a decision that should be taken lightly, there is no shame in seeking help from a medical professional and getting on medication. I was on medication for about five years in my early 20’s. The decision was a very hard one for me to make. It was also very upsetting at first. When my doctor suggested it, I cried and became angry with myself. I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just be happy on my own. What did I have to deal with that was so bad anyway? People all over the world were living much harder lives than I was, in much worse conditions. I felt very ungrateful for the life that I had. It took a while for me to be fair to myself, and to understand that though there are greater problems in the world than my own, that doesn’t mean that my problems aren’t valid or real. It is not selfish or ridiculous for me to get help when I need it, and it’s not weak to admit that I need it. We are not meant to do things alone, and we should use every resource we can to ensure that we are healthy, both mentally and physically.

(accurate.)

How can we know when we have more than “just” the blues? How are we supposed to know that what we are experiencing is more than just general sads? I always tell people that if you’re living a life inside your comfort zone because you are too afraid or sad to leave it, then it’s probably time for you to get extra help from a professional. I’ve always been a functioning sad person, meaning I still went to work and church like normal. I even had a calling in primary. But I was not okay, because after I did those things, I would hide out in my room and avoid going places where I had to see people I knew. I refused to do anything that scared or overwhelmed me at all. I wasn’t living, I was just existing. And you guys! Life is so much more than simply existing!

When dealing with and trying to manage mental illness, it’s important to know what helps or hurts you. Napping is one of my favorite pastimes in the whole world, and let me tell you I am very good at it. There was a time in my life where I described myself as a marathon napper. Napping is one of the things that depression has taken from me. I started to realize pretty early on in adulthood that every time I would nap on my days off, I would spiral into a very dark depression. Upon waking up I would become lethargic and irritated. I would look at myself in the mirror and hate what I saw. I would lose all desire or motivation to do anything for the rest of the day, and then when it came time to sleep for the night, I would be wide awake. Despite feeling this way, I continued to nap on my days off. I was angry that I couldn’t do what other people could do so easily. Why couldn’t my body and mind handle a nap? That didn’t seem fair to me, and it didn’t make sense. In a way it’s similar to how those with an addictive personality don’t ever get to drink socially or use drugs recreationally. Lots of people do these things and never become addicted. For someone with an addiction, every day is a struggle. Every day they have to think of other things to do to keep them from their vices. Depression works in a similar way. I’m not saying that I am addicted to naps, or that depression is the exact same as addiction, but there are similarities. There are certain things I have to steer clear from so that I can maintain a healthy mental state. I cannot stress enough the importance of a healthy sleep schedule when struggling with mental health issues. For me that means no more naps, and no more sleeping in. It’s so important for those of us that struggle with depression to have a bed time, and a set time when we wake up, regardless of whether or not we have things to do. The latest I ever sleep in is 8:00 in the morning, even when I don’t have work. Anything later than that, and I crash hard. My whole day is thrown off, and I get very little accomplished. A healthy sleep schedule helps me make the most of my time, so i can feel good about my day.

Exercise also really helps me to overcome my depression. I find that when I exercise regularly, I am happier, less irritated, and more kind to myself. It sounds crazy, but I literally see myself in a different light when I am physically active. My skin looks better, my body feels stronger, and my mind is clearer. I know that I am not my ideal weight right now- I’m not anybody’s ideal weight right now- but I don’t exercise to be a size two. I exercise so that I can function. About a month ago, I made a goal to get up at 5:00 every morning to run on the elliptical before work. I hate it so much, you guys. It is seriously so hard for me, but my day is so much better when I do it. I wish I could exercise after work, but I always find excuses not to. There’s always something going on that is much more fun than exercising, and I don’t want to miss out on time with my family and friends. I really don’t like losing the hour of sleep, but the results far outweigh the inconvenience of that lost hour. Getting up early is a much better way for me to get my exercising done. It’s just me playing tricksies on my mind, in a way, since I just roll out of bed (literally- sometimes I even crawl over to my shoes), put my exercise clothes on, and hop on the elliptical. I don’t have time to object or make any excuses not to do it. I never hit the snooze button because I’ve found that the extra nine minutes of sleep never make me feel more rested. Besides, the sooner I get on the elliptical, the sooner I can get off of it! If that’s not motivation I don’t know what is. My time spent exercising in the morning is not time lost or time away from those I love because who else is even up at five in the morning? Everyone is asleep except maybe my neighbor’s cat Albus, who is obsessed with me, and garbage men.

(very real, not fake, photo of me riding California Screamin’)

When I was 18 I went to California Adventure with my best friend. I had never been before but being the Disneyland fan that I am, I figured I would love the new park just as much. When I got there I noticed that lots of the rides were “grown up” rides. The big ride at that park was a roller coaster called California Screamin’. I liked roller coasters, but only the ones that didn’t go upside down, and this one went upside down. I wanted to have fun in the park, but also didn’t want to ride any of the “scary” rides. I only wanted to ride the rides that I was used to, that I felt safe on. Because of this, I avoided California Screamin’ for three whole days. I watched people get off it and wondered how anyone could ever have fun on a ride like that. I don’t even know what I was so scared of really, but this ride hovered over me like a black cloud. I wanted so badly to get up the courage to ride it, but I couldn’t. I had a pit in my stomach for the entire trip.

On our last day, I decided to take control of my emotions and ride it. It’s not like I became unafraid. I didn’t go on it because I was suddenly magically excited about it. I did it because it scared me so much it made me sick, and I hated that I had let my fear of the ride control me. I knew I had to ride it because I was afraid of it. It sounds stupid and small, but to me at that time, it was the biggest thing in my life. It really bothered me that everyone else was having fun on this ride and I sat on the sidelines, too afraid to go on it.

My best friend and I hopped in our seats together. I remember feeling so sick, thinking I was going to throw up. I was shaking, and I had talked to myself the entire time we were in line. I continued to talk to myself while we were waiting to take off. I’m sure my friend thought this was amusing, because she was laughing the whole time, but I didn’t care. I had to assure myself that I could do this, that it wasn’t scary, that I would survive. When the coaster took off I screamed so loudly that my lungs burned. The first drop came and it took my breath away so much that I made a heaving sound out of my throat that sounded like barfing, only no barf came out. My friend laughed, and eventually I started laughing too, because I was having fun. It was great! I was having the time of my life! I looked around and everything around me seemed more bright and beautiful than ever before. When the ride stopped, I couldn’t even believe I was ever afraid of it. I had so much fun I couldn’t even remember what the problem was in the first place.

(on the roller coaster of life, sometimes we are Kronk, sometimes we are Yzma.)

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that much like the ocean, that roller coaster was a metaphor for life. I LOVE METAPHORS FOR LIFE! There will always be a roller coaster in my life. Though not every challenge I face is as fun as riding an actual roller coaster, I am always better in one way or another after conquering my fear. Sometimes that roller coaster is speaking in church, sometimes it is making a phone call. Sometimes it’s going on a blind date, or confronting someone who has hurt me. Some days my roller coaster is something really lame, like finding what smells in the fridge. It was cheese, by the way, the thing that was making my fridge smell. A bit of cheese had fallen out of a baggie, and was hiding in the back of the meat drawer. I found it! Victory! Whether it’s a big roller coaster or a small one, the important thing is that we don’t let ourselves avoid the ride, we step up and embrace it. It’s funny, California Screamin’ is my favorite ride now. Even so, nothing will ever be as fun for me as my first ride was, because it was so much more than a ride to me that day. It was me saying, “NOT TODAY, ANXIETY!”, and taking control of my fears. It was bravery, in its own small way. Bravery is necessary for growth, and if we aren’t growing then we aren’t living. You know those posters you see in the halls in your school that say “LIFE EXISTS OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE”, and then there’s like a picture of a cat in a tree or a bird flying through the air? Those are really dorky ways to tell you a very true thing. Living inside of a bubble isn’t living at all. So do you want to just exist? Or do you want to live? Ride your roller coasters. Scream all the way down if you have to, and when you’re ready, throw your hands in the air. I promise you, when it’s over you won’t even remember what you were so afraid of.

#depression #anxiety #mental illness

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surfergurl30 · 6 years

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I’m a Michigan Native born and raised that has been living down in Miami. The differences between the people, the lifestyle, the food, and everything is definitely a shock to anyone who is accustomed to having four seasons and easy northern living. Here are some of the things I want to contrast from the 305 to the 248.

#1 In Michigan we have LOTS of Coney Islands. These are small, family owned businesses typically that serve breakfast all day, sometimes Greek fare like Saganaki, and are known mostly for selling Coney Dogs (a hot dog smothered with chili and sprinkled with onion). Back home this is one of my favorite places to casually meet up with friends or just to grab a bite to eat that’s not fast food.

In Miami there is no such thing as Coney Islands, instead there are Cafeterias… small, family owned restaurants that sometimes serve breakfast all day (usually for an extra cost past 11 am). Cafeterias are well known for cranking out colada (aka. rocket fuel, it’s a mix of lots of sugar and several shots of espresso that is poured into tiny cups and sipped or taken like a shot… EXTREMELY POTENT!) and making traditional Cuban style entrees and sandwiches and little on the go foods like empenadas, croquetas, and pastelitos. I have grown to love Cuban food and we frequently go to eat it. My favorite dishes are chicken vaca frita, Cuban style chicken soup, guava pastelitos, yuca frita and tostones. However, I really do miss going to Coney Island and ordering breakfast food whenever I want and not being judged for it.

#2 Michigan has a bottle bill so there is a 10 cent refund on carbonated beverage containers like pop (NOT SODA!), beer, and sparkling waters. Families keep their cans and bottles and take them with them to the grocery store where there are machines that scan and collect the bottles. When you are done, the machine prints out a receipt with a barcode that can be used like cash on your groceries! We also have many other incentives to recycle like coupons for putting our bins out on trash day (they scan a barcode on our recycle bin and then we receive coupons to LOCAL businesses as a thank you for taking part in the recycling program). In Michigan, we are able to recycle a much wider variety of different types of materials, are educated in school on the importance of recycling, and are raised with the “can I recycle this before I throw it in a trash can?” mentality.

Florida has no bottle bill. There is also no incentive to recycle and it doesn’t seem like many people recycle the way we do, perhaps that’s because you can’t recycle many of the materials we are able to in Michigan. Plastic bags is a HUGE one… it is one of the most common things found floating in the ocean here but you cannot put them in your normal recycle bin here! SO. FREAKING. DUMB! Also, they thought it would be an awesome idea to put a landfill right next to Biscayne Bay National Park… what a joke. I guess they really don’t care much about the beautiful ocean down here and the ecosystems of incredible animals here because neither the legislators nor the people do much to make an impact on how wasteful and detrimental their lifestyle is to the environment. SUPER SAD AND FRUSTRATING!

#3 Michigan people are typically down to earth and welcoming. Most of us have family roots that are blue collar and extend back to the days when working in the industries that once boomed downtown in Powerhouse Detroit or farming in our orchards or fields was a way of life. We are a big community and we are really proud of our state, our sports (even the Lions haha), our gorgeous seasons, and our heritage. We are Pure Michigan.

Feet warming by fireplace

Florida is a strange state… Miami is even stranger. Miami is mostly composed of Spanish speakers and the majority have come here from Cuba or South America. This state is fueled a lot on tourism because it has no seasons so people visit for our sunshine, beaches, waves, Walt Disney World, etc. The people who actually live here and grew up here down’t have the laid back attitude you find up in Michigan. Everything is a competition down here. Everyone has a mentality of entitlement and “I have to be better than everyone else”. In connection with this mentality is selfishness. Anytime you talk to someone here it is hard to have a genuine conversation with someone without that person analyzing you in regards to “how can this person benefit me?”. Every friend I have ever made is 103% genuine and kindhearted and humble. We are still friends despite the distance and I wish I had people down here as wonderful as them, ESPECIALLY my girlfriends. Some days, when Bryan leaves to work or hangs out with his friends or goes out fishing, I am so lonely here and desperate to hang out with another person who understands me and enjoys the things I do that I break down and cry because I feel as if that is impossible… I don’t think there is anyone else here but Bryan that would bother to take the time to want to spend time with me hanging out and getting to know me and who I am. I’ve never been anywhere or lived anywhere where it is SO HARD to make friends as it is here. I am often overcome with anxiety or depression from feeling trapped and alone.

#4 Like I said before Michigan celebrates its four seasons and is EXTREMELY festive for all holidays. We go all out for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Saint Patrick’s Day, Fourth of July, EVERYTHING!

Florida has no definitive seasons and I truly miss how wonderful everything looks when the holidays roll around. I also miss being able to wear skinny jeans comfortably with leather riding boots and a sweater on a crisp autumn day or wearing flannel pajama pants and getting cozy by a wood fire in the fireplace watching the snow fall outside (I don’t think there is a single house in Miami with an actual fireplace haha). I seriously miss the foliage and the trails… being able to go running, hiking, or biking and enjoying the scenery without being eaten to death by bugs. There’s so many mosquitoes down here I swear I must have given blood a few times over.

#5 Michigan people know how to drive, we have the motor city after all. Our driving school program is really good and I learned how to drive in the snow so I am a pretty good defensive driver. I also have no tickets and have never been in an accident.

Every day I have to drive in Florida I fear that someone is going to hit me. No one here uses their turn signal EVER! (they may as well just not put them on the cars here) Also, there is no in between aggressive drivers and really slow drivers. Most of the cars in Miami are pretty nice cars too! It’s not uncommon to see many people driving luxury brand cars like Tesla, Maserati, Genesis, Ferrari, etc. Regardless, of what people drive here they still don’t know what they’re doing.

#6 Back in Michigan, and even when I lived in Missouri, we get very hyped up for hockey season. I’m all about the Detroit Red Wings, the Grand Rapids Griffins, and I still have lots of respect and follow the Saint Louis Blues. There’s nothing like getting heated watching a hockey game with your friends and drinking some brews.

Florida… it’s always warm here so many people here have never seen snow, why would they want to play ice hockey? I don’t even think we have an ice hockey arena near our house.

#7 There’s plenty of really cool microbreweries and hole in the wall places to eat and drink and hang out with friends all over Michigan. There’s always something fun or cool to do because there’s community events all the time.

Miami is a big city and not much of a community. I haven’t really felt compelled to see/ experience what the night life is like here mostly based off of what I have seen on social media/heard. Plus, I don’t have any friends to hang out at the bar with. I have a few cool places that I have discovered and enjoy but they aren’t quite like my favorite places in Michigan. I haven’t run a 5K in ages, I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie in the theater, I haven’t gone to a mall to go shopping, I have yet to see a live concert down here… there just isn’t much I do aside from going out fishing, baking homemade goods through our new business- Reel Desserts of Miami, or coaching my kids swimming. I’d like to go to a farmers market sometime, visit a winery, do a half marathon or 5K, and go back down to the Keys to chill.

I’m not entirely sure what it is like to be homesick, but if I had to guess this is it. Someone once told me, “You’ll never find anywhere else in the world quite like the place where you grew up”. They were right. I’ve traveled a bit and I think Michigan might always be home to me even if I don’t picture myself living there or raising a family there. I miss my people more than anything and so I think that it is definitely true that it’s the people that make a place. Realistically, I think I would be much happier here if I had my friends here to hang out with, but I don’t have anyone here. Miami isn’t a bad place, it’s just not MY place. I still belong on a beach somewhere where I can surf and teach lessons or have a bakery coffee shop, or teach yoga. In Miami, I’m not often excited about my life… I feel bored, uninspired and stuck. I’m still searching for what will get me out of that… I want to feel motivated, happy, and like myself again. Lately I have been super emotionally distraught. Typically, I seriously have a massive love/hate relationship with the holidays. Usually because of the anxiety of talking to relative that as stupid stuff I don’t want to discuss like “what are you doing with your life? When are you getting married? Blah, blah, blah, more questions about stupid stuff I️ don’t want to talk about”… but this year I’m honestly so homesick that for the first time in my life I’m super stoked because Christmas means being reunited and seeing my family and friends again. I couldn’t be ready to head home for the holidays! I miss my mitten and the wonderful people that fill it ❤ See you guys soon!

-NR

Michigan V. Miami I'm a Michigan Native born and raised that has been living down in Miami. The differences between the people, the lifestyle, the food, and everything is definitely a shock to anyone who is accustomed to having four seasons and easy northern living.

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