#lol do you ever just randomly remember that there are people in the fandom who think the lack of focus on kate’s grief and trauma

[mskatesharma]

Simone's LA Times podcast left me so ambivalent...She was delightful per usual and I'm glad she has some TBA projects so I can support her work elsewhere. But I think I'm finally over the show....

TVWLM is the only Bridgerton book I like, so I was happy to peace out from the fandom after S2. But S2 left me so dissatisfied and Simone and JB have made it seem like they'll have a decent story in S3, so I was gonna stick around. But Simone's reveal that they had written a backstory and flashbacks for Kate—but ultimately scraped it—has just left such a sour taste (compounded by everything else) and IDK that I can't reconcile it anymore. Like do I still want to follow this show?

They've got no problem giving all the white women characters their due (Eloise, Daphne, Penelope, Violet), but Kate, her family, and Lady Danbury have been horrendously written. There's no reason to be optimistic they'll try to course correct next season. Obviously Simone & JB have some idea of what their storyline is (seems she's been permitted to hint about a baby), and it sounds promising when they sell it, but I doubt it'll actually be that substantive/thoughtful...They didn't care to do right by Kate & Kanthony their own season, and now they've got a new central romance plus a million subplots to contend with S3.

Just feeling very disillusioned about a show I once really enjoyed despite its many issues.

I LOVED the LA Times interview, the questions were really good, and they actually asked about stuff other than representation. I also feel like Simone felt comfortable, especially seeing as she offered to tattoo the interviewer lol. I’m so excited to hear about what she has coming up, and I hope there’s an announcement soon because news about Bridgerton is just depressing as shit.

Anon, I am so tired of the shit that we continue to find out after the release of season two. Like it’s no secret that I have my issues with how shit the writing was for season two, but this latest thing is just...yeah. Part of me wonders if the way Simone (and Jonny) continue to bring stuff up is their way of trying to get it included next season? Like trying to force the show’s hand? (Also, I did start answering this ask yesterday but got annoyingly angry and depressed while answering so I had to leave it lol, sorry)

I am so fucking annoyed. And you’re absolutely right, it does leave such a bad taste in the mouth.

And you know what I find quite insidious about the whole thing? Is that they had these flashbacks included in the sides that Simone auditioned with, giving the impression of a somewhat thorough exploration of Kate's background and cause of her trauma and grief, as well as making it seem that Kate's background (including being Indian) and life in India was going to be given consideration, only for them to scrap the scenes entirely once Simone was cast. I honestly find it somewhat disgusting, and to be honest, it makes me feel sick. It’s like they enticed her with those scenes, and the promise of that kind of thoughtful focus, only to get rid of them once she was cast. Those scenes were bait.

And look, I know just because these sides and scenes were used for audtion purposes, doesn’t mean they were always going to be included in the show, but that makes it even worse? I didn't necessarily want flashbacks of Kate's time in India because I didn't trust the show to handle such scenes sensitively enough, but the fact that these scenes were written in the first place and then scrapped, ENRAGES me. It makes me feel violent. They wrote and included this stuff because they knew it was important for Kate's character, to understand her as a character and her motivations, and I don’t understand why it wasn’t included. So we could watch Jack and Portia have the same conversation over and over again? So we could watch any of the other sideplots go nowhere for far too long? WHY DID THEY TREAT KATE’S GRIEF AND TRAUMA AS THOUGH IT WAS MEANINGLESS AND THAT IT DIDN’T MATTER???

The WOC on this show are so poorly served, and I fucking hate it. I think maybe they’re saving Lady Danbury’s backstory for the Queen Charlotte spinoff, but, that’s still shit because not everyone who watches Bridgerton is going to watch the spinoff. Plus, if they keep the main elements from RMB, then Lady Danbury is involved in Polin’s story as well? And it’s gross, because her sole purpose in life is not to be the Bridgertons’ romantic fairy godmother?? Like fuck off with this shit. It’s offensive. I really thought they would expand on Kate and Lady Danbury’s relationship, and have Lady Danbury confide in Kate about her life and why she gave Kate the advice she did after the non-wedding...but they didn’t. And then you have how they treated Kate in HER SEASON. It honestly felt like she was a side character in her own season at times and I just...FUCK.

Like, my expectations for season three regarding Kanthony were already rock bottom, and with everything new that comes out, my expectations just get lower. It’s depressing, and I just...it gets more and more obvious that this show doesn’t actually care about ‘diversity’; for them it doesn’t actually have to be substantive, it’s just icing that they can sprinkle on the top and then ask for the plaudits for their superficial diversity. And it pisses me off that their superficiality gets hardly any traction or criticism.

#ask #anon #bridgerton #kate sharma #kathony #kanthony #anthony x kate #kate x anthony #the viscount who loved me #i hate how annoyed this show makes me #lol do you ever just randomly remember that there are people in the fandom who think the lack of focus on kate’s grief and trauma #isn’t actually that much of a big deal and that it wasn’t important in the first place? 😂😂😂😂 #what a stupid stance to have jfc

[13eyond13]

my online fandom experience in 2007-2008:

-First learned about Death Note by randomly seeing L in an AMV on Youtube in late 2007 and being intrigued by how he looked. Have never watched an anime in my life but wanting to know more about this emo lookin' dude. Found some website where I could stream it, immediately getting spoiled for his death by somebody in the comments on episode 1 (the 2000s was RAMPANT with gleeful spoiler trolls, these were the days of people driving by Harry Potter midnight grand opening lineups for the new books to scream SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE type shit)

-Binge-watched the whole show in a couple of days. Immediately haunted by the "what if"s of Lawlight and start reading fanfiction.net fics about it. Wrote a gushing review on a fanfic and start talking in emails with the writer who writes back to me. I think at the time the most popular Lawlight fic on the site was Poison Apple by RobinRocks (which I didn't read, because I didn't like reading AUs back then, nor did I like the idea of mixing Death Note with Disney princess imagery... my absolute fave fic was Coexistence is Boredom by sakurazukamori6, which was still being updated at the time)

-The Another Note novel and the How to Read 13 were already out, so most of the stuff the fans know now about the characters was already known and being used in the fan stuff by then. I bought the entire manga set at my local bookstore and read the first five volumes of it, but not the rest (because back then I was one of the people who lost a lot of interest in the plot once L was dead)

-Got invited to follow a popular fanfic writer's Death Note LiveJournal where people are doing most of the things you see them doing here, analysis and shipping and fic and memes. However a lot of the journals and communities were private and accessible by invite only, so I only ever saw stuff there as it was filtered through the journal of that one welcoming fandom friend I made

-Got into random private email conversations with the odd fan once I start posting my own fics on ff.net (I wrote one of the very first Beyond Birthday fics). At some point I remember a girl who called herself diane-chan from somewhere in South America emailing me a doujinshi she had scanlated (I think it was called Taikutsu by Balgus REC) and emailing some pics and penpal like letters back and forth. Connecting with other fans was a very slow and individual-like experience compared to something like connecting over social media is now. There wasn't much of anything like online group chats taking place in real-time, per se. I suppose MAYBE you could create one on MSN Messenger or something, but the experience of being in a fandom in general online was just much more fragmented and based on personal individual relationships, I think. Unless you were meeting up with people in person at conventions or something...

-Ships didn't have ship names like Lawlight back then! It was either called L/Light or Light/L, because whichever name came first in the pair indicated who you liked as the top (or the "seme;" people would often say "seme" or "uke "rather than top or bottom back then). They were treated almost like two totally different ships, and you definitely had to tag your fics accordingly or else people would get mad (I am very glad that ship names now exist)

-Omegaverse didn't exist back then either! That was a whole new world I had to get familiar with once I got back into this fandom around 2016 lol (and I still have never really fully got onboard tbh)

-Watched the occasional fan videos on YouTube, often things like Windows Movie Maker slideshows set to music with fanart of the characters or cosplays and the like

-It used to be REALLY hard for me to find clips of the show to use or edit or anything like that. The English dub still wasn't out yet anywhere I could watch it when i was into the show in 2008, but I remember hearing L and Light's English voice clips and thinking that L's was great and Light's was a bit cringe in comparison to the Japanese one. I wanted to watch it again but I didn't want to have to have an internet connection at all times to watch it, so I bought some shitty ripped illegal DVD of the Japanese dub on eBay from China, and it came with extremely lolworthy broken English subtitles (stuff like Light reading that passage out loud in class and the subtitles saying "the wisdom of the sheepus"... that one is burned into my brain)

-Trying to connect with other fans in person about it was not really possible for me where I lived? Being into anime was considered extremely cringe at my school at the time. And other people I knew who had watched or read Death Note either simply weren't that interested in it anymore to the same degree, or were usually straight dudebros who were only into it so far as to think about which character was smarter than which

ANYWAY I say all this just to reminisce, and I will always enjoy how easy it is to connect and share the content with the other fans like it is nowadays, because I remember the days when that was much more difficult hahaha

#p #vintage fandom shit

[cinematicnomad]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @zainclaw and @andavs 🥰🥰🥰

How many works do you have on ao3? 39 apparently

What's your total ao3 word count? 288,797 words

What fandoms do you write for? actively right now? nothing really lol. haven't published a fic since 2022. but i guess you could say 911 and teen wolf given some random WIPs in my drafts. also i randomly started jotting down some notes for a stranger things steve/eddie fic that will probably never be written.

Top five fics by kudos 01. take my hand (take my everything) (buddie) 02. taste your beating heart (sterek) 03. so show me (family) (buddie) 04. you never said a word (sterek) 05. be careful (my darling) (buddie)

Do you respond to comments? yes, always! i usually try to wait until i have a dozen or so, which can sometimes take a bit of time, but eventually i respond to it all.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i have a sterek drabble called and i fell heavy into your arms (688 words) that is basically derek seeing stiles die and then immediately letting himself be killed

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? most of them?? not sure i can think of one specifically that was happier than the others.

Do you get hate on fics? ah, i almost said no, but then i remembered that for my fic taste your beating heart every now and then i'll get scott fans who think the fic should be tagged as "bad friend scott mccall" even though he's NOT a bad friend in the fic, it's just a nuanced view of their changing relationship. like, that fic is about 3 main things that include: stiles and derek getting together, solving the main mystery, and stiles and scott's friendship maturing to a place where they can love each other and still be brothers without thinking they need to be in the same pack!! like it's FUNDAMENTAL.

anyway, i had one reader who i think quit the fic halfway through bc i gently pushed back on their rage comment insulting derek and stiles for a fight that takes place with scott. the reader left an angry reply to my response, which they then deleted before i could even look at it, and then never commented on the fic again even though they'd been commenting on the fic since chapter 1.

Do you write smut? no not really. i don't know why i'm so bad at writing sex, but i am very bad at writing sex.

Craziest crossover i have no crossovers

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of??

Have you ever had a fic translated? yes, someone translated my mike/harvey suits fic trembling hands into russian all the way back in 2013.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? i have not!

All time favourite ship? to write? to read? no idea, so i refuse to answer.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i've got a sterek idea that's an AU of the netflix show virgin river. i had a pretty brief outline that i sketched out some, and even started writing a little, but it never went anywhere. i did create an AU gifset for it and every now and then when people start reblogging it i think about going back to try and write it.

What are your writing strengths? i think i'm good at realistic dialogue? but i don't know. i haven't written in a while so i'm not feeling super great about my writing at this very moment.

What are your writing weaknesses? i suck at setting a scene. and conveying a complex emotion. also i feel like i get v bogged down in what characters are physically doing or whatever and i try to describe it and it just detracts from the story over all. yikes ok i'm feeling worse about my writing than i thought lol

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? if the context is there to understand what's being said, great. otherwise, just adding context to the dialogue tag (he said in french, in german, etc) works. personally i'd prefer not to scroll back and forth between the fic and the notes to figure out what's being said.

First fandom you wrote in? harry potter. on the site quizilla back in the year of our lord 2005 lol. i started off writing like. a harry/oc fic lol where the protagonist was the classic american exchange student who had her own prophecy. truly mortifying!!

Favorite fic you've written? i have a soft spot for taste your beating heart bc it was the first long fic i ever completed and it took me 7 fucking years to write it. but i think my favorite is actually finding our way (back home) which i really think captured everything i was aiming to do. will i ever be able to do that again??? who fucking knows. probably not. on the more self-indulgent side, i really really love the margaret buckley character study i wrote called so far from who i was.

tagging!! @woodchoc-magnum, @crazyassmurdererwall, @tattooedsiren, @machtaholic, @catdadeddie, @tripleaxeldiaz, @valleydean, @thisapplepielife, and anyone else who wants to do this.

#tagged in #about kat writes #i am. #not feeling good about my writing at this very moment apparently lol

[sheepwithspecs]

Hello! It been a really really long time since I've been on this platform so I can only assume as much for others lol 😅 but anyway I was rewatching Coco and I randomly remembered a fanfic I read that was really well written and sweet on "Imector" and the family dynamics! I looked everywhere and finally found "Echar Agua Al Mar"! But it was only repost or excerpts. I saw someone saw this was your new account so! (Sorry for the long story 😅) but

TLDR: I was wondering what ever happened to Echar Agua Al Mar? Why not put up again? I loved the story, but I understand if you just scraped bc you wanted and that's it lol

P.s I'm glad you're still writing!

Hello!

Yes, I am the writer of Echar Agua al Mar! To answer your question, I guess the easiest answer is: "I never finished it and got tired of people constantly asking when it would be finished.". It didn't seem fair to my readers to constantly say things like "probably never, to be honest", so I took the story down.

It's a very long story, but a lot of inner-fandom conflict happened in 2019/2020 within the DP-Coco fandom (both in a particular discord server and with certain people) that really disillusioned me with the fandom as a whole. I have not interacted with the Coco fandom or its fans since then, and I don't have any intentions of returning. If I do decide to re-upload any old stories in the future, it will only be as a thank you to the people who still remember my work, rather than a return to the fandom. In addition, they will be finished 100%.

That being said, thank you for remembering me and my work all these years! It makes me feel so happy to know that something I created had an impact on someone to the point that they remembered it even after it vanished from the internet. 🥹

I hope this answers your question!

#thank you for asking! #Disney Pixar Coco #DP Coco #Coco #Pixar Coco #tagging this so that anyone else who might have a hard time finding me can have the same answer LOL #fanfiction #Echar Agua Al Mar

[partyanimal167]

Be Careful, She Bites- Nico x F! Twilight! Reader

Idk why, but I randomly got into a Gangsta. kick again, and gosh, I really miss this anime. I've read some fics on AO3 and know some people here who are in the fandom. I don't think I've ever written anything for the fandom, so I might as well try while I'm on this plane. I need to remember to add this anime to my pinned post.

I hope this is good. Thanks for reading!!!

CW: canon-typical violence, language, slightly unhinged fem reader lol

You weren't interested in being on your best behavior while trying to settle in a new town. Someone needed to make things interesting.

"You need to act right." That was the order you continued to repeat to yourself as your trailed behind your employer into a bland abandoned warehouse that could have been easily confused with the tens that surrounded it. You didn't really care what business was being carried out right now. The boss only needed you as protection which was a smart decision. The two of you were still new in town and while you had the blessings of the big heads' across the country, their protection from money alone could only do so much with the distance.

You easily ignored the lecherous stares shot your way from some low totem pole men. You continued to roll that sour hard candy in your mouth as you leaned against a stack of crates. The weather was sweltering, so you were happy you decided to don a cropped hoodie and capris. One guy kept staring, so you flicked him off. "Y/N," Damn you could never have any fun.

Negotiations were wrapping up when yelling and gun shots could be heard nearby. A window crashed from the side of the building, and two men stood casually. One had a gun out, long white blonde hair, and an eye patch. The other looked a little more rugged. He had black hair, a permanent scowl, and hand rested on the sword resting on his side.

You crunched your candy and grinned wildly. This looked like the good type of trouble to be in.

"Yoohoo, the Monroe family sends their regards." The blonde says before shooting a weaker pawn. The men instantly move to attack before other individuals join the intruders' side.

"What the fuck is going on?" the man who was talking to your boss exclaims before starting to run away.

You wanted in on the action, but you knew your priority was to get to safety. You leapt to your boss' side and started to run towards an exit.

You were cut off by that dark-haired fellow who crouched down and seemed ready to pull out that sword on you. You grinned and held out your arm in front of your boss. "I'm really in a playful mood, but I suggest you get out of my way." He didn't say anything to you, but your reflexes kicked in and tossed a knife behind him--knocking down a man who had a gun in his hand and aiming at you.

"We're not with them. Just candidates for a business relationship." the boss explained. The man didn't seem to care at all, but he looked passed you two towards his partner.

"Let them be. We don't need more work." his friend called out. In an instant, he was over by him; the light breeze passing by you.

You chuckled and continued to run off. "Hope to catch you soon!"

~~~

Your boss was adaptable if anything. That attack led to that group being absorbed and now business wanting to be done with the notorious Monroe family. You caught some of the details when your partner droned on the phone with the big bosses. You wish you paid more attention though because now you were being shuffled around a too nice-looking banquet room filled with overly dressed individuals and you in your finest pair of slacks and dress shirt. Against your better judgement, your top buttons were undone with the chain of your tags peeking at the right angle.

It was insisted that the venue and Monroes would be a safe space for your kind, but in your experience, there was no such thing. You grumbled when greeted by Daniel Monroe and properly chastised afterwards (though he didn't seem to mind much).

The only thing that kept you from running off was the arrival of those two men from before. Since the meeting, you did a little research and got quite a variety of information on the Handymen duo. They seemed like a good type of trouble to keep close for backup, and you expressed that to the boss. They seemed to agree with you for once.

The one named Worick smiled nicely to the boss and yourself--even kissing their hand. You thought the gesture to be corny yet kinda hot all the same. Your boss was not amused. Worick went on to introduce Nicolas to you. Your suspicions about your similarities were confirmed from your research, and you didn't mind peering down at the man. "Hey cuite," you chuckled. He only glared at you. You straightened up and held out your hands. No need to be mean, I don't bite. He showed more emotion with your hands being used to communicate.

"Stop being a brat. Yes you do." your boss scolded. They turned their attention back to Worick. "Excuse her, if I give her an inch, she takes a mile. Can never be to cautious."

That seemed to be enough for a laugh. "Well that's what makes working with our partners so exciting."

~~~

Nicolas knew trouble miles away, and you were trouble. He didn't often come across Twilights that were similar in strength to him, and he didn't need to see your tags to know.

He had been trailing your duo for a few hours at the request of Cristiano family who knew that you were from some distant family of powerful people. They just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to upset the city's power balance. It was boring work truthfully, but there were perks to being quiet and knowing how to hide.

Right now, the two of you were in some shitty restaurant, so Nicolas sat in a narrow alley bored. There were probably a lot of things going on during this busy time of day that he couldn't hear or cared to.

However a whoosh passed his face could definitely be felt.

He looked up to see your form standing at the alley entrance and turned to see one of your knifes stuck in the brick wall a few feet away. He reached out for his sword.

"Wow wow," you held out your hands in defense, "no need to get all violent on me." You laughed. "Can't I play with you a bit? After all, you've been on my ass all day."

Nicolas shouldn't be too surprised hearing that you knew he was lurking. He grunted and relaxed slightly on his crate. He glared at you.

"Shame we're on the same side right now," you leaned against a wall, "I wanna know how look in a fight. You one of those pill poppers?"

He knew what you were suggesting. Nicolas grunted. We all pop pills. Gonna die either way.

You grinned then shrugged. "Got a point there." You walked towards him. Nicolas was ready for an attack, but you passed him to retrieve your knife. "So what fun is there to do in this godforsaken city?"

There is no fun for us. We're here to kill and follow orders.

You sighed and rolled your eyes. "What a killjoy." you still had a mischievous look in your eyes. Nicolas didn't jerk away when you reached out your hand and cupped his chin. You ran a thumb across the bottom of his lip and licked your own. "Lucky for you, I still think we can show each other a good time. There's always that at least." you grinned madly when your thumb entered the man's mouth and was held tightly between his teeth.

"Be careful. I bite too."

~~~

I miss this show/manga so much!!! I hope Kohske is doing okay. Her wellbeing is more important.

I liked writing for this fandom. The world is such an interesting setting and how things work in it. Maybe I'll try some more later.

Thank you for reading!!!

#gangsta #gangsta fanfiction #nicolas brown #nico brown #benriya #gangsta manga #gangtsa x reader #nicolas x reader #black fem reader #twilight reader #mine #stewie writes #partyanimal167

[nikethestatue]

Hi!! I have read all your elriel fics and I absolutely love them, thank you so much for feeding us more content!! I’m fairly new to the fandom itself but I was instantly hooked on the soft girl x emo boy trope lol and I just love the way you write them!! I didn’t even know there was this much contention over ships with azriel since this man has said maybe like 5 sentences total across the entire series but lol ok… I remember seeing ships of him and Gwyn online before I finished the books and once she was introduced in acosf I was so excited lowkey for him to get ANY love interest… only to get like maybe 3 barely friendly interactions between them?? Gwyn is great - do not get me wrong - but I’m sorry I just don’t see any scrap of relationship between them and I cannot believe this is the hill people are dying on.

I am just waiting for elriel to happen because god they’re so adorable!! I can only read ffics until their book comes next but I feel like so betrayed by even ffics lately because there have been so many new fics I’ve started that have Elriel has the main relationship tag but then 17 chapters in they decide to have Az go after gwyn or god forbid Eris randomly and I just cannot….. like why have a fic have the first pairing as elriel if you’re gonna do that?? Anyways sorry that turned into a mini rant but ugh just please keep writing I love your writing style and your updates are always the highlight of my day!

Thank you so much! This has made my day.

I am so happy that you are enjoying my little stories and takes on my favourite couple. I do agree--they are so adorable. You are so right, I love how soft and gentle they are with each other, especially Azriel, who is so seemingly tough and inscrutable being all 'omg, take my hand, let me take you to the garden!'

I love it. I love them together. I think they are such a departure for SJM and my biggest fear is that she won't do them justice and will write them badly. That everything that makes them special will be given up for some ridiculous training or some such nonsense that nobody needs anymore.

Yeah, it was pretty quiet on Azriel front until ACOSF, until he was randomly paired with a random character and then suddenly all hell broke loose.

Well, I aint ever gonna be a Gwynriel. So no worries. THough I like to keep everyone on edge from time to time. :)

[burntheedges]

Thought I'd randomly give a friendship bracelet to someone on the Scout list (to be fair since I know many of you in passing) and my finger landed on your username. :)

I'm always curious about how people entered the fandom - so I'm curious to know how you did?

(I tend to get long winded when I explain my origin so don't be afraid of being detailed)

hi!! thank you 🧡🥰 I love it!

I'm kind of excited to answer! ok here come the details. I've been in fandom in general for what feels like forever -- I started reading fic when I was like 11 or 12 and discovered ffnet (I turn 37 this month). I hopped from there to livejournal to various individual ship sites (we used to do it that way before ao3, for anyone who doesn't remember) to like, yahoo groups, and back to ffnet.

Then I got a tumblr in ... 2010ish? Not this account, I created this one last October so I could be more involved in this fandom and post fics. So my other one has been around forever (yeah I was here for dashcon and everything else lmao), and I was a fan in many fandoms, but I was never a creator. I think my post with the most notes was from when I watched Hannibal and liveblogged about it (I wasn't in the Hannibal fandom, before anyone asks). I was pretty active on tumblr until the end of 2018, less active until 2022, and then I came back in a sort of chill way. I wasn't posting much, just reblogging and scrolling.

On the fic side, I got an ao3 account in 2012 after reading without an account for like a year (RIP to all those bookmarks that never were). I've been reading fic daily for like, most of my life at this point, but ao3 changed the game in such a huge way. It's weird to think back to what life was like before ao3! (as of today I have 9235 bookmarks on ao3)

Then in spring 2023 I discovered that the Pedro fandom existed. Honestly I'm sad I didn't know about it before, I feel like it would have helped me through 2020 and 2021 if I did. I read my first ever x reader fic (rough day) and then went looking for the author on tumblr. (I will admit I had a bias against x reader before I tried it myself. I think that's not abnormal for those of us who came from fandoms that didn't have it.) Then I discovered people on tumblr and discord were talking about all of the things I wanted to talk about with Din, Joel, and Pedro (Din and Joel were my entry to this fandom, despite my first fav Pedro character being Oberyn). I read some Din and Joel fics, realized how much I liked all of this, and then couldn't get the idea for Over Again out of my head. I started writing it in my notes app last April and created a side blog when I started posting it. Then in October I turned this into a full blog instead, so I could reply and interact as much as possible! (the side blog is still attached to my old blog and I use it as the updates blog now - @burntheedges-updates)

Having been in so many fandoms previously, I love that this one is sort of unique in how we follow one actor's characters rather than stick to one piece of media (or a universe). I've honestly never seen anything like it, but it's easily my favorite fandom that I've been in. It's also the first time I've written any fic at all since I was like 15.

I almost listed all of the fandoms I've ever followed/been in on tumblr but decided not to. lol I can if anyone wants to know! thank you for asking and letting me ramble. 🧡

#ask me anything #ok i got too into it #kate's thoughts

[doggernaut]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you to @cricketnationrise and @the-lincyclopedia for the tags! I'm not sure if many of my answers have changed since the last time I did one of these, but it's been a while, so.

How many works do you have on ao3?

54

What's your total ao3 word count?

613,109

What fandoms do you write for?

I only have works for Check, Please! on ao3, but I have also written for Parks and Recreation and Baby-Sitters Club.

Top five fics by kudos:

All I Want is You 

Just Jack

Here Comes the Sun

I Only Have Pies for You  (honestly surprised this one is in the top 5!)

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to every comment, but sometimes I fall short. I do appreciate every single one, though!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm pretty sure that anybody who's read my stories knows I only write happy endings. Even if there is angst at some point in the fic, you can count on that "angst with a happy ending" tag.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lol, see above. Though I will maintain that And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? and And you may say to yourself, my god, what have I done? might be the happiest simply because they each have (spoiler alert) three happy endings.

Do you get hate on fics?

I'm sure there are people who don't love my writing for whatever reason, but fortunately they've kept it to themselves.

Do you write smut?

Any attempts have probably fallen short of being actual smut. It's not my favorite thing to write (so many body parts to describe and keep track of!) but sometimes the storyline dictates it.

Craziest crossover:

I'm not generally a fan of crossovers (though I've read some great ones in various fandoms!) and have never written a true crossover, but Pucks and Recreation was inspired by Parks and Recreation.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A BSC fic with a bunch of people from the old FameTracker (I am showing my age) forums. It is (or was, last time I looked a few years ago) on FF.net. Once I randomly saw somebody somewhere online describing the fic in question but thinking it was a real BSC book they'd read, so that was pretty cool.

All time favorite ship?

Jack/Bitty, Ben/Leslie, and let's go way back to my formative grumpy/sunshine ship: Jack and Jennifer from Days of Our Lives. It imprinted on me when I was 11 and I'm probably remembering it as being better than it was, but it was a good time.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At this point, I really don't know. I have a lot of "WIPs" that consist of a couple of paragraphs of dialogue or bullet-point lists or whatever and who knows if I'll ever dust them off. But I'm currently making an effort to finish everything I've put serious time into.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

As a reader I don't have a problem with it if it makes sense for the story. As a writer I probably wouldn't, simply because I don't speak another language well enough to incorporate it.

First fandom you wrote in?

That I actually published online? The Baby-Sitters Club, in like 2005. Ever? I went through this phase of writing self-insert fics when I was in sixth grade. Usually they involved me dating whichever character was played by an actor I had a crush on. I was not aware I was writing fanfic at this time. I'm pretty sure I wrote a fic in which I was in a band with Doogie Howser, MD and he asked me to be his girlfriend? THANK GOODNESS this was in an era before I had access to a computer with internet.

(A year or so later, I was still writing, but it was very bad romance fiction modeled after all the Harlequin romance novels I was reading at the time. Still just as cringe. My middle school BFF used to read them and write praise/critiques in the margins and I still remember this one long back-and-forth where we argued about how long a first kiss should last, because neither of us had experience in that department.)

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't know! I love all my children. Truthfully it's probably one of my multi-chapter fics, but I tend to favor whichever I'm in the mood to read at the moment. Maybe today it's Home Like Apple Pie.

#20 questions #fic

[sapphire-weapon]

Sorry to kick a dead horse but do you think the presence of the mafia backstory on the RE wiki could cause problems? Its one of the first resources people can find for Leon when looking him up on search engines, and I'm wondering if it could start influencing people who actually matter. the wiki does leave a source for people to fact check at least, but considering how many people give it as much canon value as the actual games at this point I find myself a bit worried about the future.

--still, considering they probably have character writers for leon conscientiously writing him in a way that does NOT reflect him being the only survivor of a family murder that's probably just me being paranoid, lol. Im sure they wouldnt just randomly decide to revive his random backstory from 25 years ago... riiiight

I'd love to rip it down from the wiki, but I know that if I did, people would just add it back. Because you're right. People read shit on a wiki and think it's canon gospel, so when they see someone like me saying otherwise, their first instinct is that I must be wrong.

I'm exhausted. I don't want to have to keep explaining this to people. I don't want to fight about it anymore. I just want it to go away; I just want it to stop.

But after talking to one of the bad faith actors spreading it, and seeing how smug new fans are about it, I don't see anyone wanting to relinquish their hold on this obscure knowledge that they can bludgeon people with. It doesn't matter if it's true, for them. It just matters that they know it.

I hate it.

ETA: wait a minute, I just reread this. You're afraid of Capcom being influenced?

No lmao that's not going to be a thing. Capcom doesn't even refer to their own notes for this canon sometimes (lmao Sherry's age retcon in RE6). They're not going to go digging through the English fan wiki.

This is purely a fandom problem.

And it's also why the insistence on "it's canon" for the mafia backstory is so ridiculous. There is very likely not a single person still in Division 1 at Capcom who knows or remembers that it was a thing that was ever said by anyone at all.

#resident evil #leon kennedy

[kingsofeverything]

Hi! I don't know what the universe is doing with tdatdbs lmao. I read it about a year ago and loved it SO MUCH and then today I randomly thought about it and decided to go re-read. During chapter 6 it occured to me that I'd REALLY want to read this from the other person's pov, which I never really thought about any fic. Came to your tumblr to ask whether you're planing to do something like that only to find out that not only are other people suddenly thinking about the fic, they're wondering about the same things I am... anyways, it's totally fine that you don't feel like it. It leaves room for the imagination. I think you write Louis' internal war so well and we have such detailed understanding of what he's going through, and then there's Harry who's doing things, but we don't really know what he's thinking and feeling, and that's why people are all thinking the same thing. It's implied, but I'd like to know to what extent Harry feels guilty for what they're doing. And what's his headsplace after his breakup (or divorce? I'm not there yet, just remembering) and how does that affect his actions. Anyways, this fic is a underrated masterpiece and also I wanna thank you for writing older larry. I don't like it when they're 24 in fics with stable jobs, apartment owners and parents... A lot of people think life ends at 35 in this fandom. Sorry for rambling, much love 💕💕💕

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :)

It makes me so happy that people love this fic. I know a lot of people won't go near it because of the cheating, but I tried my best to handle it well and realistically so it wasn't just an angst fest or whatever lol

The fic is about Louis first and foremost. His journey (really not a fan of that term but my brain isn't cooperating) is the most important thing. And like Louis says to Bridget, Harry's the catalyst, but he's not the reason Louis does everything he does. I do find it fun that anyone's out there wondering about Harry's POV. I tried to show it, and like you said, it's implied, but that's on purpose. Louis can't ever really know more than Harry tells him or shows him, and since it's Louis' story, we won't either.

I will say that Harry didn't feel very guilty about what they were doing unless he was around Bo, which wasn't often, or when he met Bridget. And that was his turning point. He was lying to himself about Louis' situation and when it became obvious that things were different than he imagined, he backed off. It broke his heart, but he ended things. As far as Harry's divorce, it didn't really have anything to do with his actions w/r/t the affair. His ex-husband didn't cheat. Their relationship fell apart for other reasons. He'd been divorced for a while before he moved there, so he was just happy to be on his own, starting over, with a good job, a great boss (Boss Niall!). He didn't really expect things with Louis to last or work out well for him once he found out Louis was married, but like a lot of people in similar situations, he thought Louis would leave Bridget for him even though it was never discussed.

#tdatdbs #spoilers #harry's pov #anonymous

[twigg96]

Tag Game: Ten True Facts About Me

Rules: Share 10 facts about yourself and tag other blogs! I want to get to know my mutuals, and the people I follow a little bit :) The facts can be about anything!

Tagged by: the lovely @ir0n-moon thank you so much my dear 💕💕

1. I used to be big into cosplay. I used to hand make cosplay costumes, props, and once even attempted to make a wig. I have only ever been to a few conventions but I miss the community I used to share with fellow cosplayers pre-Covid.

2. I had an Anime Amino if anyone remembers that app. This was back during an age before discord. Back during the time I took a break from Tumblr (2015-17? Maybe) I started on Amino to look for community and friendship during a time I felt like I had none. Amino was literally just a mix of Tumblr with random blogs and discord with its chat rooms option. People mostly used it for RPs and other community events. It was a great time honestly kinda sad they killed the site.

3. I love weird ass music. I’m not talking like “oh that new album by famous artist with a weird name” no! I’m talking music that will make normal people run screaming into the next room. Give me remixed pirate/Viking songs all day long. You don’t even have to remix them. I’ll take them as is if you’re feeling spicy. Heavy metal versions of songs that have no right being metal (Disney songs, pop songs, country). 🤤. Those artists are doing gods work. Random 80’s songs. The sluttiest dirtiest music you can think of. Jazz. All of it man I love all of it as long as it’s weird.

4. My very first fan fiction was written on fan fiction.net. I used to have two accounts it was because I forgot my password for the first one but then I used the second account more than the first so it all worked out. I kinda want to archive the stuff from those accounts onto AO3 even though I’m not in those fandoms anymore. Just so I have the content.

5. My first ever crushes were on Shego and Kim Possible from said show. I didn’t know how to verbalize this as a kid so I told everyone I loved Justin Timberlake from *NSYNC.

6. I’ve been thinking about publishing a few books. I have some ideas for a few novels, series, and kids books. I just don’t know where to start or even if they’re worth while.

7. I have two dogs and two cats! My puppies names are Maizy and Chihiro. They are both Labs and are just the cutest angel babies! My cats are Eevee and Oreo. Eevee is chunk rescue baby. Oreo is our prissy princess who needs to be held at all times.

8. I have never once reset one of my animal crossing villages. I’ve had three on three different games. Game Cube, DS, and Switch. I always do my best to name the village perfectly , I would do anything in my power to have the perfect neighborhood/ villagers, I would even piss off Mr. resetti back when he was a thing just to get a second chance to try an interaction again.

9. I’m thinking about starting to stream on Twitch. Nothing too serious. Just something fun that I can try to do!

10. I am a huge collector. I collect many things lol old books, (first editions, cool instructional books, books published earlier than 1955, All the Stephen King novels), ART! I love art. All of it. Prints from artists I buy from. Hand made pieces I randomly find at art fairs and craft shows, paintings, those mystery boxes that hold figurines in them I fucking love them so god damned much.

I think I’ll tag @nsfwitchy, @normanblowup, @morbid-pigeon, @el-michoacano, @gointothevvater, @gogomeaty,

#twiggy talks #tag game #fun facts #facts about me #get to know me

[anakinskywalkerog]

Hope this is okay to ask. You mentioned a few times that you have ocd and that it interacts with your “obsession” with Hayden. Would you mind elaborating on that a little? I’ve wondered before how fandom obsessions and ocd can interact…

sure i don’t mind talking about this

an important thing to know about OCD (or any illness, i guess) is that it isn’t an exact science. there are lots of different types of OCD, and many of them are not easily recognizable and are not portrayed in the media. i was only diagnosed a few years ago, and that’s because my OCD isn’t the, *licking doorknobs counting things checking to see that the burner is off 7 times* kind of OCD that i recognized from tv shows and books.

OCD is characterized by obsessions and compulsions—my OCD is heavily focused on ruminating thoughts, so, the easiest way i can explain that is things get stuck on my mind in a loop and i can’t get them out. sometimes it’s bad things, like horrific images or things i’m afraid will happen, but sometimes it’s random things, like specific words. my compulsions are less intense than some other types of OCD, but they come out in weird ways—i have small tics that i’m usually able to hide from other people, but often my compulsions change depending on the situation. i also have other adjacent symptoms, like echolalia.

the Hayden thing—i went through a big life change about 6 months ago, so the Hayden obsession coalesced with the fallout from that and also it being a few months before the Kenobi series premiered. Hayden was obviously my first childhood crush and i’ve always loved him and the SW prequels, but with my OCD i can develop obsessions randomly and because i was already not going well, i started compulsively looking at Hayden content on the internet. i watched the movies over and over again and it started as, “i’m just comforting myself by watching movies i love,” but i couldn’t stop watching them…like i felt sick/unwell/upset until i was watching a star wars movie. i was thinking about Hayden and the movies and the new show ALL the time, i had a hard time not bringing it up in conversation, and i was scouring the internet for every single interview he’d ever done. when new stuff from the press tour would surface it was like crack to me lol. idk how to explain it other than to say it was extremely uncomfortable. i couldn’t think about anything else, i was constantly on my phone, and at that time i made this Tumblr because looking for content wasn’t enough for me anymore and i felt like i needed to interact and talk to others about Hayden, bc my obsession was so deep. it’s like scratching an itch, but scratching it so much that it started to bleed/hurt, but not being able to stop scratching it.

this has happened with other things before in different ways. and the obsession has slowly faded. as i mentioned, it’s not really clinical anymore, though i do think i’m still struggling a bit with compulsivity with Tumblr and fanfiction etc. but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was. and i’m sure that whenever i’m doing poorly mentally an obsession like this will happen again for something else. but whenever it gets bad like that i have to remember that it won’t last forever and that it will pass.

anyway, OCD doesn’t ever go away but there are definitely periods when it’s better 😋 and i’m in therapy obviously so that helps too. if anyone is reading this who also has OCD, i hope you feel the camaraderie i’m sending you through the screen!

#star wars #hayden christensen #ocd #ocd tag #ocdawareness #anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #actually ocd #obsession #compulsion #anakin #star wars fandom #kenobi series #obi wan kenobi #answered asks

[melodygatesauthor]

Happy early birthday to you! May I request a Kapkan x Reader with the romantic line, "You remembered my favorite food?" It's the little things that count-

Of course, I can't ask this without giving you a gift. (or rather, questions to entertain your mind with)

We appreciate you writing for the R6s fandom, it's great to have more members that are active within the community. Your longfic of Kapkan has had me in a chokehold since November lmao. I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers. (Ik that the longfic isnt exactly this)

How long have you been into Star Wars? What brought you into it? I used to be REALLY into it years ago, though I have fallen out and perhaps I may join back in.

This one I hope you can answer, and fyi i mean NO ill judgement while asking. What makes you and others so interested in the kink of non-con? I find it hard to read when I know that others irl have trauma because of it. I know that you've clarified that it's just because it's all fiction and that you don't support it irl, but I guess I can't wrap myself around this topic? I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I'd like to know and like I've said before, I am not having negative feelings to those who enjoy non-con! No one should shame you for what you like in fiction.

That being said, keep doing what you're doing and I hope that you have an amazing birthday!!!

Im aware of what I wrote is long af and im sorry-

Hi Nonnie!

Omg so much to unpack and I'm so so so excited to do that. You don't ever have to apologize to me for long asks, I like them. Answers below the cut.

I'm going to fulfill your request in a different post. I have several ahead of yours but it's on my list and I'll get to it as I go down the line. I cannot wait!

Thank you for your kind words about my longfic (The Recruit and the Hunter for others to have context)! I don't get a lot of attention here for it, probably mostly because it's AO3 exclusive, but I'll be adding it to Tumblr at some point! It's definitely a favorite of mine and I've put a lot of work into it. I would say it's enemies to lovers adjacent? lol it's got a similar feel to it! On your note about having others involved in the community, I have noticed that the writings for X Reader are scarce! There are a few of us in the community that I think are keeping it going. I hope more people will get involved!

So as far as Star Wars goes, I watched it all the way through for the first time in 2015 just before The Force Awakens came out and when I watched back then I thought nothing of it. It was good but like, it was just a series to me, nothing more. Fast forward to September 2022, I had a dream about Kylo Ren. Yes, literally had a dream about him randomly and then I couldn't stop thinking about him. (True story) I googled if people even read fanfiction anymore, and turns out THEY DO and hey, 30 years old isn't too old to read/write fanfiction (no age is, you can be 90 writing ff, just have fun). When I found out they did, I rewatched the entire Star Wars movie series again through a new lens...information gathering for fic writing. The second I saw Kylo fucking Ren coming down the gangway in TFA for the first time through this new lens....I knew I was ill. Thus sparked my Star Wars obsession and the spiraling that lead me to write for all these other fandoms, Siege included (although I've been a Siege player on and off since it came out back in...was it 2015?).

This is a great question and gets a section all on its own...

On the subject of non-con in fanfiction (please don't read if this topic is sensitive to you):

To start, I can assume that other people think like me, but as I answer this, I ask that you keep in mind that I can't exactly speak for anyone OTHER than myself. I know what I like and what I'm comfortable with and that's all I can TRULY speak on so bear that in mind as you read through my response.

There are a couple reasons I think that I enjoy non-con. I'M SPEAKING PURELY FROM A FANTASY STANDPOINT GOING FORWARD, NOT A REALITY STANDPOINT. One reason is societal. I read somewhere that it's possible people gravitate to the subject of non-con in fanfiction (primarily women in ff spaces), due to societal factors. Meaning, that women who are from more sexually oppressive countries, America being one in some ways (being primarily a Christian/Catholic country and always teaching people, again with an emphasis on women since it's more "obvious", to save it for marriage), might be more inclined to enjoy "non-con". It's thought that this is due to the idea that it's attractive to think that someone finds us so desirable that they just couldn't help themselves. Further, it's the thought that the blame, again in some ways, is removed from the woman. She didn't go out acting promiscuous, this thing just happened to her, this sexual encounter. She couldn't stop it from happening and for some people the idea of feeling desired and not being able to control that it's happening and therefore it's "guilt free" is attractive. THIS IS AGAIN FOR FICTIONAL SPACES, not REALITY. No one wants this to happen to them in real life or to happen to someone else in real life period.

The other reason is that I just enjoy the purely feral and primal urge for a big man to conquer and take what he wants. Again, not something I'd want in real life or that I'd want someone to go through, but the thought is hot to me. Man want vageen, man take vageen, it's literally that barbaric and simple. I have many kinks in fanfiction that I DON'T have in real life, and non-con is certainly one of them for this reason.

Now as far as "finding it hard to read/write because others have IRL trauma because of it", while I understand completely where you're coming from, and I'm not trying to change your mind, I encourage you to think about some things. Firstly, you are perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable reading something, and that's why I said I'm not going to try and sway your opinion. Let's just understand that first and foremost. Secondly, there are other things we read about that have caused people IRL trauma that no one shakes a fist at, murder being a big one. Just because I enjoy reading/writing a fictional murder-mystery, does that mean I don't feel bad for real people who have been murdered or family members of victims? Not at all, I feel for them, but I'm still intrigued by the story I'm reading/writing. What I find interesting, (and this isn't a reflection on YOU, there's a lot of people who think this way) is that for some reason the subject of non-con is disturbing for some, but the loss of a life (murder) is fine? That is something that I still am trying to figure out! I hope this clears it up a little?

EDITED TO ADD: It also allows lots of people a safe space to indulge in a very unsafe and downright dangerous thing. We can "experience" something horrific without actually being in real danger and it allows us to enjoy it that way.

Thanks for the great thought provoking questions! I really enjoyed this exercise! I'll get to your fic soon!!

#melody answers #anonymous

[pebblysand]

🎉⏳!

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

wow. what a difficult and interesting one. thanks for asking! i think, for me, ultimately, i'll consider a fic a success if i can re-read it a year down the line and without cringing. that's my standard. it might sound pretty low, but if a year later i'm like, 'yeah, this makes sense and i like it/would read it,' then that's a huge success in my book. i get very critical of my own work sometimes, so to me, that's very valuable.

i know a lot of people might base their measure of success on some sort of metric (kudos, hits, etc.) but as i said on the pod a few weeks ago, being someone who started writing in really small fandoms where getting just one comment is already a huge win, i find it very hard to measure fic metrics on HP, because what others might perceive as "bad" or "not enough" already feels very huge to me. i will always remember when castles got twenty subs or something and i saw that and was super baffled, thought to myself: wow, that's more people than i could fit in my flat if we all wanted to have a party. i also think the fics that i like best are not necessarily the ones that get the most attention (hinny, for example, is mathematically more mainstream than, say, deamus or bill/fleur, so my hinny fics will always get more attention, regardless of their quality) so ultimately, metrics aren't something i pay attention to much. if i did, i suppose i'd be writing dramione soulmates au-s to appeal to the people, not super niche content about seamus finnigan haha.

i'm aware that it may sound a tad self-centered to only base my assessment of my success on my own feelings, for which i apologise, but i feel like the metrics i'm given aren't ones i feel are particularly relevant to anything. though, i will say, i did randomly notice recently that castles actually ranks quite high on the sub-genre of post-war, canon-compliant fics on ao3 in terms of kudos and bookmarks (just checked again, 26th for kudos, and 13th for bookmarks), which did make me quite happy. not life-changing happy, but it was a nice thing to find out, you know?

lastly, i think something that i also consider a success is if i get any comments where people tell me they liked it, or why they did. more specifically, if you've read my fics, you'll know that my work touches on a lot of very sensitive topics, such as ptsd, sexual assault, etc. when i get positive comments about these things, or sometimes very personal messages from people telling me writing about these things helped them cope with/understand their own realities better, that's honestly more than i could ever hope for. i can't even find words to describe that feeling. it's not success, it's something better. connecting with people and making people feel things is the reason why a lot of us write (certainly why i write), and when it works? it's the best feeling in the world.

but, tldr: i guess my measure of success is more based on subjective elements (e.g. my own assessment or individual comments from people telling they related to my stories) than any objective metric.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

this is hard to answer at the moment, but i'm hoping i'll have better data in a while as i've just recently started tracking my writing time to assess this more precisely. for anything in the 3,000/4,000 words range (or lower), you can generally assume i probably wrote those over a weekend, so maybe, idk, 12 hours? i tend to edit one-shots less than i do chapters/longer works, so even for longer one-shots like slipped, we're probably looking at maybe 20/30 hours?

for castles chapters (or something substantial like the fault in faulty manufacturing which is a one-shot, but over 27k) i would say, writing time itself is probably somewhere between 50 and 100 hours, depending on how much writer's block i get, lol. then editing, probably another hundred? so like, probably between 150 and 250 hours total. so, between 4 and 7 weeks at 40 hours a week, if this was my full-time job, which it's not.

is it worth it? honestly i don't know. is my content better than that of someone who doesn't even spend half this time? i also don't know. whenever i think about it, it makes me a bit depressed haha. but it is the way i function lol :/

thanks again for the questions ❤️. these are lovely

(and for everyone else who sent some in, i'll do them tomorrow and queue them up for the next few days 🥰)

#asked and answered

[rrxnjun]

lol yeah most ppl who started off as an army but again most of them didn't stay an army bc their music just flipped (?) like what happened to them dissing capitalism and the 'ideal society' :( dkfhg my army phase was weird but memorable bc i had a lot of fun w my friends. bts was my first k-pop group and tbt that was the time i understood how k-pop fandoms aren't the same as a regular fandom and that k-poppies are a whole new breed.

NOO I DON'T GET STICKER like the vocals are beautiful i'll admit but i can't stand that flute music. it's wacky and experimental but definitely not for me dfhfdhkj even my friend just got randomly obsessed w sticker a while back so i think it's a really catchy, possessing the people by causing a brainrot sort of a tune🥴

#bar and renjun are one and the same in a parallel universe theory lessgo jhhjg btw kai from exo has the same mbti as you (infj) as for nct idrk (damn their pyramid employment scheme) i only remember yangyang's bc intj and hyuck's (enfp) bc a.he's an extrovert in a sea of introverts lol and b.two of my other friends are enfps too.

HELP NOT DOGFOOD okay haven't really been curious ab eating any animal food bc i remember watching this one part in a movie where this guy accidently eats a small portion of dog food and gets sick. really sick. that scene scarred 6 y/o me. period.

YESS KYUNGSOO IS MY BIAS THE LOML <33 i became an exo-l right after seeing love shot. that song's just 💃🏾💃🏾 the critic in me has been trying to a find a bad exo song for the past 2 years but hasn't succeeded idk if it's just me but all of their songs are way too good 🤧 FKJGHDF I LOVE BAEKHYUN'S VOICE and bambi >>> but my personal fave from his solos is love again from delight and DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH SUPERM I MISS THEM SM. the group's so special to me BC DKFJGHDF IT'S LIKE THE CRAZIEST CROSSOVER EVER OKAY LIKE EXO, NCT AND SHINEE TOGETHER ?? still can't believe i got to listen to mark lee rap after a taemin and baekhyun bridge. omg do you have a fave superm song?? also yes i'll help with the exo-l-ification <33 compiling the recs in a playlist as i type this

RAINBOW MY BELOVED >>> nct dream albums aka collection of my comfort songs and that's why they're my fave unit. still lose it every time i listen to puzzle piece it's so sweet and the lyrics are so sappy but i love it sm <3 wow soulmate au based on electric hearts 👀 hmmm i haven't really checked the lyrics for that one brb after seeing them

haha i'm an sm stan through and through. started stanning one (1) group and ended falling far almost all of them lmaoo the company sucks but the artists 😭😭 gods i love them. i haven't really seriously looked into aespa tho it's a work in progress lol. as for skz samee i don't really vibe with them anymore and legit know ab the group's activities bc of tumblr </3

YES I'M INTO STEM. it's crazy the math has more letters than numbers and the physics and chemistry has more ridiculous looking math than my math textbook but there are like super tiny moments wherein i realize why i actually like doing what i'm doing. we all need smth to keep going right :') anyway im concentrating on graduating from high school in one piece rn bc it sucks !! bigtime !! and omg psychology sounds so cool :0 i haven't learnt anything bio related for the past 1 year and i kinda sorta miss it

i'm only actively keeping up w 5sos (and slowly getting into parx <3) rn but i do go back to my emo phase every once in a while bc idt i ever left it 💀

p.s. just remembered that india has banned tiktok so i can't really see the video 😭😭

literally!!! i must say that i enjoyed dynamite, but everything that came out after was just meh for me 😭😭 and it was a bit of a jump for me too, but ive been in fandoms since i was 12 so its like 7 years now,,, so joining the kpop world was just one step further from all the stuff in the 5sos fandom.

STICKER BRAINROT idk whats the sudden obsession brooo😭😭 multiple people experienced it tho, ive seen ppl on tiktok as well, so i think its a worldwide phenomenon. the fLUTE IS SO CATCHY i wanna learn it i have a recorder at home and i think that will do the job.

#bar and renjun soulmates agenda. 😭 kai is an infj?? brooo thats so cool!! i really enjoy his first solo album i gotta listen to the second one soon sjssj. idk whats w me and exo solo music but i think i lowkey know more than their group music its so embarrassing😭😭 chanyeol's tomorrow was my top played song on spotify last year its so special to me :') also hyuck's such an enfp i couldnt imagine it any other way for him. for the dog food, i was just curious abt the taste ??? didnt really taste like much tho, but i do admit it looks tasty 10/10 would try again

loveshot *lip bite* i fucking love that song. the choreo >>>> i remember showing my brother the mv and he was amazed with how good looking they all were 😭😭 and their music truly is too good broo!!! i love power. serotonin boost song. i will never skip that song when it comes on shuffle. also baekhyun's voice truly is something else. the moment i listened to un village for the first time, something inside of me changed. my personal favorite is cry for love btw!!

SUPERM >>> i miss them so much omg 😭😭 mark as the maknae is the cutest concept. the videos where they quiz each other abt themselves live in my mind rent free. my favorite songs are no manners, together at home, better days, wish you were here and tiger inside 💪😩 wbu?

SEND THE EXO PLAYLIST ASAP ‼‼ THIS IS A SERIOUS REQUEST.

dream is my comfort fr 🤧🤧 i always get so upset when i listen to dear dream. i dont think i'll ever listen to it without being in pain jssjjs. PUZZLE PEACE SUPREMECY!! its so sweet i love the guitar <33

I legit admire people who are into STEM and who are good at these omg my brain cant comprehend science 😭😭 i only went to business school to escape the STEM subjects. im rooting for you!! i graduated in may and trust me it was difficult i didnt sleep for two weeks before my final exams but it was worth it in the end!! i felt very accomplished hhh so hang in there!:)

my emo phase comes and goes in waves i honestly. love it. its always so random as well😭

awwh yeah i heard you dont have tiktok there :((( im sorry. id send it to you as a video but idk where 😭

#💌ask #ni 🌱

[littlesk8board]

this is an essay(?) i guess that i really just want to post somewhere so that i can find it again in like three years when i randomly remember i wrote it,, you know

anyway yeah ok bye

oh also content warning for discussion of domestic and family violence/abuse - its not graphic but it is kinda the topic lol

‘not all monsters do monstrous things’

I know this might seem like a questionable choice for a quote, potentially bordering into #notallmen territory and the like.

Truth be told, I’m not actually sure what most people would make of this quote. Aside from the fact that I’m not really ever sure what other people think about anything, it’s also just frustratingly vague when removed from the original context.

The quote comes from MTV’s Teen Wolf, which is probably not quite as shocking a revelation as knowing “I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love” is from a 2015 stucky fanfic.

In the context of the show, the quote is meant literally; not all werewolves kill people. This is, one could argue, the message of the show, but it’s also hard to know what that means when placed into a broader context. What are you trying to say, Jeff Davis? Who are these monsters, and what monstrous things do they refrain from doing?

And yes, I know, lending this much credence to a low budget teen show from the 2010s is probably a waste of time, and these types of shows probably had more thought put into them by the fandoms than by the actual creators,,

BUT. I reject this as grounds for dismissal. For a couple of reasons:

Firstly, analysing any art is valuable, not just critically acclaimed pieces. Teen Wolf was a massive part of my adolescence, and, for the record, (not that this is an unpopular opinion), season 3B was award worthy.

Reading into things is fun, especially when you care about the art as a whole, even if, admittedly, the original source is mildly shitty. Gays especially, are very accustomed to reading too far into facets of mainstream media, because crumbs of representation are better than nothing. The fandom’s interpretation of the CW’s Supernatural is heartbreaking. Destiel? EVERYTHING. The actual show? HA. It has its moments. (There is SO MUCH I could say about Supernatural, but that will have to be another time because this (whatever this is?) wasn’t even meant to be about Teen Wolf.)

Secondly, (yes yes we were listing things, I get pretty carried away - deal with it). Secondly, this quote, this specific quote, ‘not all monsters do monstrous things’, is one of the most commonly repeated amongst the Teen Wolf fandom, at least in terms of quotes that are meant to carry some deeper meaning. I myself had it on my bedroom wall for a good five years before redecorating recently.

It seems like it’s saying something profound. It really does. What that is, I’ve had a hard time determining.

And this is not in anyway to poke fun of my younger ‘cringier’ self, or a piece of media that is typically enjoyed by young girls and gays. This is to say that i think I may have found an interpretation which may explain why I was so inexplicably drawn to it. (At least in the context of my life. - I don’t know you, maybe you read it as some homophobic conversion therapy mantra.)

Anyway, stay with me here.

That might seem like a ridiculous request to make, this far into a piece that has already referenced destiel in a positive light,, HOWEVER.

However.

The Depp/Heard defamation trial is nightmare fuel for victims and survivors of domestic and family violence. Coincidently, (a very fun coinkydink I’m sure you’ll agree) I found myself trying to detach from my abuser, in real time, as the trial played out and beyond.

I think that is all I will say on that for now. All you need to know is I am a victim of abuse, which has caused major physical and psychological damage to my body.

This is not the first time I have found myself fixated on learning about domestic and family abuse, not the first time I have found myself attempting to come to terms with my reality, not the first time I have found myself seeking to detach myself permanently from my abuser.

It is, however, the first time I have been shown in real time just how many people, not just anons on twitter, but people I know in real life, do not believe me. If the trial had started a mere two weeks earlier, I would probably still be in the thick of that abusive cycle, for I don’t know how many more years.

So it stands to reason that I would be seeking out resources for victims, especially when surrounded by people who are, at best, dismissive of my experience.

I have found a community on twitter, just as preoccupied with the trial, and the verdict, and what it means for survivors. To be clear, the verdict reached declared that even if someone is to not even name their abuser, when discussing their own experience of abuse, it is defamatory to the abuser. The trial was about silencing victims. And it scares me. It should scare you.

Ok, ok, but what does all of this have to do with the Teen Wolf quote?

I’ve read countless amazing articles, threads and such, where people articulate my thoughts and make coherent conclusions; basically they say what I can’t, way better than i ever could.

A lot of what I’ve read confirms what I had already been trying to figure out as a survivor. Some of it is new; definitely some of the vocabulary, but the concepts are things I know so intimately. How easily abusers can fool the people around them, the tactics they use, but also, how willing people are to believe them.

It is easier to believe Johnny Depp,, (derogatory).

Watching all these people I know, people I loved, people I trusted, people I had once confided in, people I was considering confiding in, engage in such vitriolic and relentless victim blaming, was traumatic. Not being believed, not being taken seriously when discussing abuse, is as traumatic, if not more, as the initial abuse.

It took me 16 years to admit to myself that what I was experiencing was unusually bad, and another 4 to be comfortable calling it abuse.

These past few months I have found myself back in my school counsellor’s office, where I was being told to take his words and let them wash over me like water on a duck’s back. Where after 2 solid years of visits she finally agreed that my troubles were not just those of a typical strained relationship.

I am back in my first psychologist’s office, where, much to my surprise, I first heard the word ‘abuse’ used to describe my experience.

The number of people who have had to say the word to me unprompted, for me to even partially believe it to be true is far larger than I care to admit.

Now when I’m upfront about calling it what it is, to friends, to family, to new psychs, they are distrustful of my summation, certain I must be exaggerating. FORCING ME TO EXPLAIN EVERY DETAIL FOR THEM TO EVENTUALLY AGREE WITH MY ORIGINAL DIAGNOSIS.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS. BUT PEOPLE DON’T WANT A VICTIM TO BE AWARE OF IT. THEY WANT TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU. THEY WANT TO BE A SAVIOUR. IF YOU ALREADY THINK THIS, OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE LYING, OR AT THE VERY LEAST READING INTO WHAT LITTLE THERE IS.

Every time I try to get someone to understand me, I am re-traumatised, only for them to, yes, be sure that what I’ve experienced was truely unpleasant, but in the same breath tell me that ‘abuse’ is too strong of a word. If I was abused, that makes him an abuser. And he’s not. He can’t be.

He’s not a monster.

And this is where my points collide. Two half-baked thoughts of mine become untangled and join together to complete the circuit.

I am reminded of this sentiment I heard in a video essay about racism; that racism isn’t evil, because evil isn’t real.

Monsters don’t exist. Abusers are not monsters. That’s what makes them so insidious. To most people, the ‘they’ve always been perfectly nice to me’ crowd, abusers are very nice, charming, whatever. They have to be. And they know it.

If they show just how intelligent, sensible, and level headed they are, painting their victim as a hysterical, delusional, LIAR, is almost too easy.

They are making a choice. They prove that they can be kind, to both the people around the victim, and the victim, in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of the abuse cycle. They are taking their power, and using it to do what they want, because they know that they can.

And they’re not wrong. They can. And if they were unsure, Johnny Depp just gave them a little ‘how-to’, on a GLOBAL stage.

‘Not all monsters do monstrous things.’

What does this quote mean to me? Being monstrous is a choice. No matter what society sees you as, no matter what you have done in the past, etc…

You can be a monster and still do good. That doesn’t take away what makes you a monster.

This can be viewed in an optimistic sense; you are not your worst actions.

But in the context of abuse, if you reframe it slightly; ‘monsters don’t always do monstrous things’.

You are not your best actions.

I do have good memories with my abuser. It doesn’t erase my abuse. It doesn’t make it less painful. What it does do, is make it harder to consistently believe myself, to say a permanent goodbye.

Two years ago I was about 5 months no-contact with my abuser, still in the infancy of my healing, but making slow progress.

Hearing he was in a bad place mentally, I went back, fearing for his life.

I was angry with the people telling me ‘he’s been depressed before’. I had to do something, I had to be there for him.

My past attempts to disengage had always been reframed as the REAL ABUSE, and I felt as if it was quite literally ME who was putting his life in danger.

I could not be the reason that someone, let alone someone I loved, died.

By walking away this time, by making that his last chance, I am putting my life above his. Which is good.

But it is also an acknowledgement to myself that if he dies without me, he dies. I am accepting this fate. I am taking on this burden of guilt and grief, becoming HIS villain, in order to save myself.

I am holding on to this seemingly unrelated Teen Wolf quote, a remnant of 15-year-old me, to help me stay gone.

Maybe I’m his monster, but that doesn’t mean what I’ve done, what I’m doing, is monstrous.