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seeingivy · 5 months

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logical

megumi fushiguro x f!reader

an: do not enable a megumi as olivia rodrigo songs series. because I will write a bad idea right? one with drunk asf megumi drunk calling the reader. anyways, this one is based off of logical HEHE

it’s quite simple. you refuse to go on a mission with megumi fushiguro. but of course, satoru gojo, sees no reason. which is why the two of you are sitting on the train together, knees brushing against each other in the silence. swelteringly uncomfortable - as you fidget with your hands and he types away on his phone - and you both bite the bullet on what to say.

every thought that passes through your mind makes you hyperaware of that deep rooted, soft spot that you’re always going to hold for him - that despite all logical, rational thought - megumi fushiguro will always be scored on your heart in some way or another.

you’re not sure what it’s a byproduct of. you’d love to write it off as something simple, something as trivial as first love. that he was simply the first person to shower you in love that way, to show you that it was real, and that this tenderness would quickly harden over when you found someone new.

except as more days went on, almost a month since the two of you had fought and broken up, it was becoming more of a silent, naive hope of yours. because of course, the stupid cliches, not the ones that you wanted to be true, were of course the ones that were. that all rational thought, went out the window, when it came to megumi fushiguro.

that distance made the heart grow fonder. that your heart longed for him every time you passed by him in the dorms and shared those awkward, pinched smiles instead of the soft, sweet ones that he only saved for you. that whenever nobara said something stupid or yuuji irritated nanami, that you’d both instinctively turn to look at each other and laugh, just to now do it on instinct and get a painful reminder. that you can’t, that you shouldn’t, turn to one another anymore.

that it isn’t like that anymore. that you and megumi aren’t together anymore, and that of course, megumi could have any girl, so why would he possibly be with you?

“this is the stop.”

you look up, noting that he broke the silence first, as you give him a nod and exit the train car with him. you keep a considerable distance as you two walk up to the abandoned elementary school and lift the veil.

“emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. purify that which is impure.” you murmur, as you both give each other a curt nod and split onto other sides of the hallway.

when the two of you make your way back on the train, megumi can’t wrack his brain on how you were able to tell. and that itching, guilty feeling that’s turning over in his stomach - associated with the crimson red blood that’s pouring down your cheek and his own shortcomings, as always.

he had already shot a quick text to shoko, swallowing the guilt of waking her up in the middle of the night, to fix it the second that you got back.

“quit feeling sorry for yourself.”

megumi looks to your side, to find you folding his handkerchief, now coated in your blood, before you hand it back to him.

“what?”

“i can tell. that you’re brooding. but it was an honest mistake. that’s literally how the curse is supposed to work, y’know? it wouldn’t exactly be a curse otherwise.” you add.

megumi frowns, his retort dying on his tongue. that it’s not an honest mistake, because if you were able to discern the truth, he should have been able to do so too.

that when he was faced with it - that there were two manifestations of you, one that was the curse and one that was you - that he picked wrong.

and that worst of all, the thing that he had struck, with full force, was you. that the crimson red blood that was leaking from your cheek was because he had lifted his hand on you, before the curse had doubled over and pushed him over too.

when he came to, it was your turn. because standing to his left was another manifestation of him, so much so, that it left a lump in his throat at how much it looked like him. that when it was your turn to pick, you’d quickly sliced your sword straight through it’s stomach, like it was nothing instead of attacking him.

“i’m sorry that i did that to you.” he murmurs.

you look over at him, at the clear disdain in his eyes for himself, as you deflate.

“i wasn’t just saying that. that’s how the curse worked. you can’t exactly beat yourself up about it.” you respond.

“you could tell. i should have been able to as well.” he states, rather curtly.

you hum in response, that sickening soft spot burning.

“well, you were never the mind reader were you?” you respond.

he scoffs in response, the smallest makings of a smile on his face, as he lightly elbows you in the side. one of your stupid jokes, from your first date where you had dragged megumi to a tarot reader just for him to quite literally wish upon his death. you elbow him back, before you link your arm in with his and watch the way he deflates under your touch.

megumi does it a few times, before you finally bit the bullet and ask him to speak. he opens his mouth, like he’s almost about to talk, before he stops himself short from ever doing it.

“just ask.”

megumi looks to your side, not even half shocked that you were able to tell.

“how were you able to tell? that it wasn’t me?”

“easy. that megumi was pleading me. told me that he loved me, all that.”

“and?”

“you wouldn’t do that.” you murmur, before you get off the train and march back to campus on your own.

you see megumi again three days later. or more appropriately, you open the door and he barges into your room with a book secured under his hand.

“just come in, i guess.” you murmur, irritated.

it’s only when you turn around that you notice his haphazard appearance - that he’s panting, his cheeks are flushed, and that his hair is an unruly mess. you take the seat across from him, pinching your eyes at him, as he hands the book over to you.

the five love languages.

“what is this?” you ask.

“i get it now. what i did wrong. why-why we aren’t together anymore.”

you’re shocked at the bluntness in his word, that he’s willing to face it full on, as you take in his appearance. the pink near near his waterline and the darkness surrounding his eyes.

“i was talking to gojo-sensei and-”

“oh?” you respond, smirking at him.

“shut up.” he grumbles back, flipping open to the book.

“is this rock bottom for you? asking gojo-sensei for help of all people?”

“if i say yes, will you let me continue?” he asks.

“yes.”

he glares, before sighing, and murmuring under his lips.

“anyways. like i was saying, he gave me this book. and-and i get it now.” he states.

he opens it up to the marked page, each of the little lines highlighted, with his handwriting scribbled on the side.

quality time

physical touch

acts of service

receiving gifts

words of affirmation

you’re hyperaware of the fact that the last one, words of affirmation, has been circled and that megumi had neatly scribbled your name next to it on the line.

“i don’t get it.”

“it’s a thing in the book. that-”

he swallows hard, the edges of his lips quivrering, before he talks again.

“you can love someone but that person might not feel loved by you.”

you turn your head to the side, in confusion, as you gesture for him to go on.

“you feel most loved when i say it to you. and that’s not how i was showing love to you. it’s why you think i don’t love you.” megumi states.

you scoff.

“that’s not why we aren’t dating. we aren’t dating because you basically insinuated that you could have anyone but me. that i was lucky to be dating you.” you respond.

his face curls up in anger, as he tightens his fists on the able.

“when did i ever say that?”

“i asked you why you were so intent on the two of us staying together when all we do is hurt each other, i specifically asked you - how was i supposed to know that you loved me? and all you responded with was that there are lots of other girls out there and that you could easily have any of them. and then you had the audacity to try and kiss me after i tried to leave?”

megumi deflates, fluttering his eyes closed in frustration, as he uncurls his fists on the table. he flips to the back of the book, before turning it over to you.

“what the hell is this?”

“it’s a quiz. you take it to figure out which language is yours. and it ranks them - from best to worst or whatever.”

you look down at his results scribbled into the little lines. and at the fact that words of affirmation is dead last for him.

“so?”

“my love language is physical touch. that’s why, when i saw that you were upset, i was trying to make you feel better. in the way that i feel better.”

he stops, the pink dusting on his cheeks, as he awkwardly looks down at his hands.

“whenever you kiss me, i feel better. gojo-sensei can get on my nerves, nobara and yuuji can steal all my clothes, or…or i remember that my sister is dead and i feel better. when you hold my hand and trace those little shapes into my palms. or when you kiss my cheek. It-it’s stupid but-”

“it’s not stupid.”

“but for you. words are your thing. you-you have to hear them, right?”

you deflate.

“i guess, megumi. i would like to hear it sometimes. i know you’re not a big, talky feelings guy but…i’d just like the reminder sometimes. just so i know that-”

“i love you.”

you swallow hard, fighting the burning tears in your eyes, as you shake your head.

“you could have any girl you wanted. you said it yourself.”

megumi sighs, standing up from his side of the table, before he kneels at your side and leans his cheek against your shoulder. you can smell his soap, the irish spring smell enveloping your space.

“you want to know how pathetic i am at this whole words thing?”

“enlighten me.”

“i was trying to say that…there are lots of other girls out there and i could easily have any of them. but the one i want is you.”

you’re not sure what it is, more of the fact that the burden of hurt, right next to that soft spot of yours is slowly alleviating, but you can’t help but laugh in his face. at how ridiculous he is.

“it’s not funny.”

“megs! it’s kind of funny. in what world was i supposed to think that was what you meant?”

“you’re the mind reader. you should have been able to tell.”

you elbow him in the side, before you stand up, gesturing for him to stand up with you. and you loop your hands under his shoulder, leaning into his touch, hoping that it makes sense to him. that he understands that he’s forgiven.

“i’m shocked you humbled yourself to gojo-sensei to ask for advice, megs.”

“ugh. it was so embarrassing. but at least it was worthwhile.”

“aw. you did that all for me?” you joke, pinching the side of his cheek.

he smiles in response, leaning forward to press a kiss to the side of your cheek.

“i’d do anything for you, if that much wasn’t clear. but i’ll keep reminding you if i have to. say it a hundred times, properly, if you need it.”

you frown in response, giving him a nod, as you burrow your head into the softness of his neck and squeeze as hard as you can.

“don’t start thinking i don’t want you to kiss me though. i don’t need kiss deprivation.” you whine.

megumi laughs, pulling back, to tuck your hair behind your ear. he’s smiling ear to ear, so warm, that it makes your stomach rumble.

“okay. what else?”

“well, i still like gifts. and you and i should always be spending quality time together. and would it kill you to do something nice for me?”

“so…you want me to do all of them?”

“exactly!” you respond sarcastically, poking the side of his cheek.

he reaches forward to flick your forehead, before he pads into your kitchen.

“what are you doing?”

“well, i’m making you dinner. that’s an act of service. and technically a gift too? and we’ll eat it together, so that’s quality time.”

he quickly runs over and peppers three kisses over your face - one on your forehead and on each of your cheeks - before he continues.

“that’s physical touch. and you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. words. that’s all five.”

“you tag teamed two of them. that doesn’t count.”

“okay, you can have my credit card and buy yourself something.”

“that’s gojo-sensei’s credit card.” you deadpan.

“shut up.”

you roll your eyes, as you join him at his side in the kitchen.

“i was joking, you know? you don’t actually have to make me dinner or do all of them.” you murmur.

“i know that. i just want to.”

you give him a smile, as the two of you shuffle around each other, and fix your plates together.

taglist:

@porridgesblog @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg

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flashstep-connoisseur · 3 months

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The absolute State of Samarie/Marina content on this site is driving me nuts because everyone goes "teehee toxic yuri because Samarie's a stalker" while completely ignoring that Marina just fucking HATES Samarie's guts which is why it's actually toxic yuri god damn it

In every scenario where a non-player character Marina meets Samarie in Rher's Church of Alll-Mer Playplace, she tears into her so hard that Samarie moonscorches on the spot, and even if you're playing as Marina and get to Samarie on Day 1 Morning, the dialogue options that get her to calm down are full of barely-represssd rage. People focus on Samarie killing Marina's awful dad and kinda forget that Marina already had extremely complicated feelings about him that were exacerbated by, you know, seeing him DIE and robbing her of the chance to get the closure that she made the mistake of going back to Prehevil for, and the culprit's this girl who fucking dares to say that she knows her, that she's dug into her deepest most closely held secrets. And the worst part is that Samarie claims to love Marina for all her faults that she ripped out of her mind, all the secret, hidden, ugly emotions and hangups that Marina still violently hates herself for! That's the worst part to Marina!

So yeah seeing pretty much all of the Samarina art and fic being lovey-dovey and full of fluff is starting to get on my nerves because it's doing a disservice to what could be a way more interesting character dynamic. Where's the content of Marina regretting her decision to bring Samarie back to the train and pinning Samarie against the wall of a locked cabin with a knife to her throat, then finally snapping so hard when she sees Samarie is INTO that she has violent, bloody hatesex with her to try and make her regret ever getting obsessed with Marina in the first place to the point of almost killing her until Samarie says that she'd love to die that way and Marina is so disgusted she gets up and leaves without another word? Where is it???

AND IF PEOPLE WANT A CUTE FLUFFY YURI SHIP FOR MARINA WHYYYYY ARE THEY IGNORING THE GIGANTIC CANONICAL MUTUAL CRUSH SHE HAS ON OLIVIA

#fear and hunger #fear and hunger 2: termina #i'm not going to tag the ship directly since that errs too close to putting hate in the tag

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oneshotnewbie · 4 months

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Liv’s daughter gets her first migraine injection? Of course Liv does it for her cause there’s no way she can do it herself. Its really painful, but Liv comforts her afterwards and they cuddle together.

ᕚ---ᕘ

The sunlight of the morning sun filtered through the still half-closed curtains. You sat on the edge of your double bed, staring nervously at your lap as you rubbed your shaking and sweaty hands on your pajama pants. In front of you was the long box with a migraine injection that your mother had brought you from your neurologist yesterday afternoon. Your heartbeat raced in your chest as you looked at the needle and injector.

Thoughts raced through your mind, sending you into a panic as you tried to take a deep breath and gather the courage. But the needle in front of your eyes seemed so frightening, and the thought of injecting it through your stomach alone increased your fear. The thought of the pain to come during the procedure made you shudder.

A large lump had formed in your throat as you tried to keep breathing calmly. "You're not a child anymore. You can do this," you whispered to yourself, but that only seemed to make the fear grow even greater. You reached for the included instructions and read through them for the hundredth time since last night. The individual steps were illustrated with pictures and described precisely, but your hands were shaking as if you had Parkinson's and the writing on the paper blurred into a scribble. "Damned!"

Hesitantly, you decided to accept help from your mother and call her. She had offered you her support and was waiting outside in the living room in case you needed her. "Mom?" you asked into the void, looking anxiously at the door. A soft knock on it startled you as you briefly returned to your thoughts. Olivia poked her head through a crack before carefully stepping into the room and you immediately felt relieved when you felt the familiar presence. “Everything okay, my darling?”

You nodded uncertainly and looked at her with wide eyes as you patted the seat next to you. You began nervously picking at your nails, your gaze wandering between your mother and the injection. "Yeah, I'm just... trying to take this injection."

Olivia stepped closer to you, her hands clasped under her chest and already holding her glasses in one of her hands before sitting down next to you. She opened a hand invitingly and you dropped the paper into her hand. "You don't have to do this alone," she spoke softly in a whisper, pulling up her glasses to take a closer look at the injection instructions. Your doctor had already shown her how it worked and what she should pay attention to. But one thing is certain: she couldn't afford any mistakes. She didn't want to cause you pain. "I'm your mother. I'm here to help you, no matter what."

A tiny smile spread across your face and you leaned your head on her shoulder. "Thanks, it's just... the fear of the pain. Dr. Phillips suggested it could be really painful." you gulped and hugged yourself. Olivia noticed your nervousness and placed a reassuring hand on your thigh, gently running her thumb over your clothed skin before resting her cheek on the top of your head. "You've already been through so much, sweetie. You can still do this. You're so strong!"

With shaky hands, you opened the box and pulled out the injector. Your heart raced when you saw the needle in real life. Your mother immediately grabbed your hand and squeezed it gently. "Take a deep breath and breathe out. You can do it, I'm here." You nodded and watched Olivia prepare the injection with steady hands as you took deep breaths and tried to calm your nerves with a little walk around your room. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Let me get it over with," you stood in front of your mother and pulled up your shirt. You quickly closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing as you tried to control the fear. With slow, step-like movements, Olivia approached you and placed the needle on your lower abdomen. The thought of the coming pain caused goosebumps to form on your skin, but you nodded silently and she pressed the injector firmly until it clicked into place.

Under her pressure, your mother felt a moment of tension, followed by a tiny sound of pain escaping your lips as the liquid slowly flowed into your body. Tears welled up in your eyes, but she continued to hold your hand, whispering soothing words to you as she stroked the back of your hand. "A few more seconds, you're almost there."

When the injection was finished, you exhaled deeply as if a weight had been lifted from you and Olivia carefully and carefully removed the needle before dropping the injector to the side. She quickly stood up, put her arms over your shoulders and pulled you close to her. "You did it. You were incredibly brave,"

You smiled weakly at the battle you had won with yourself and hugged yourself tightly to her middle, your head pressed tightly against her chest as you let the rest of your tears fall freely. Kisses adorned the top of your head and caresses were banished to your back as Olivia slowly brought you back to bed. "How about it. I'll let Finn take charge today, you skip school and we have a cozy day in bed?"

"That sounds great, Mom. Is that really okay with you?" you asked, throwing the blanket over your body while your head rested on the pillow. She didn't say another word, took her cell phone out of her pocket and tapped furiously on the screen before turning it off and throwing it on the dresser. "More than okay, my darling."

She disappeared from your room in a flash and you heard the microwave do its work. Shortly afterwards, the smell of sweet popcorn filled the entire apartment and Olivia returned. She had squeezed back into her pajamas and lay down on the bed next to you. You continued watching your favorite show together, occasionally dozing off in your mother's gentle embrace.

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bitethehnd · 3 months

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hi! can u write julien x reader based on obsessed by olivia rodrigo? pretty pls and thank u!

it could be a blurb or a fic you decide !

*₊˚ 💿 𖦹 obsessed !

pairing : julien baker x reader

synopsis : julien is obsessed with your ex

cw : jealousy? reader comforting jb

if i told you how much i think about her

you'd think i was in love

and if you knew how much i looked at her pictures

you would think we're best friends

julien couldn’t help it. she couldn’t stop staring at your ex’s new red carpet pictures. the woman was stunning. perfect body, hair perfectly in place, her dress flowing elegantly in the wind. julien tried to stop herself, at this point is was unhealthy how much of her mind was occupied with her; florence. florence, florence, florence, florence, florence—

julien didn’t understand why you were even with her in the first place. julien couldn’t compete with her. it constantly sounded in her mind. that you would eventually break up with her and get back with your ex.

julien knew she was being irrational. the two of you had been together for four months at this point, if you wanted to break up with her, you would. but her insecurities got the best of her. and she refused to talk to you about it because she didn’t want to seem like she was in love with your ex, which is how it seemed.

i’ve seen every movie she's been in, and, oh god, she's beautiful

and i know you loved her, and i know i’m butthurt

but i can't help it, no, i can't help it

julien had watched every single movie your ex has been in. every single one. before julien met you, she had seen some of florence’s movies. she was a well known actress. but now it had become an obsessive thing. something she just couldn’t fight the urge to do. after every movie she stars in comes out, she has to see it.

the thought of you loving florence at one point made julien feel like she was going crazy. julien had already felt that she was below your league, but this was just the final nail in the coffin. she wanted to confide in phoebe and lucy about it, but she just couldn’t muster up the courage to admit what she had obsessively been doing.

and i know you love me, and i know it's crazy

but every time you call my name, i think you mistake me for her

you both have moved on, you don't even talk

but i can't help it, i got issues, i can't help it, baby

julien knew you loved her. you never forgot to remind her of how much you cared for her, how much you appreciated her. she has always felt so utterly and completely seen around you. so she didn’t know why she felt such unbridled jealously whenever she saw your ex’s face. it made her feel like a complete loser. but she just couldn’t help it.

she can’t help but feel that you wish julien was your ex. the same sweet face and beautiful smile that she had. you had never even given julien a sigh that indicated that, but she felt it in her gut. or maybe it was her anxiety talking. she overthought every interaction you two had as the relationship got more and more serious.

the thing is, you and florence didn’t even hold contact anymore. you never saw her, never texted, never called. and yet julien still felt this hold over her. a grip on her neck that felt like the was suffocating every time she thought of her.

julien laid in bed with these thoughts, you sleeping soundly on her chest. she gazed down at your sleeping form, smiling softly as you snored. but it barely helped her raging mind. her breath started to pick up and she had to remember to breathe, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

you slowly noticed her chest falling and rising faster than usual, waking you out of your restful state. you looked up at her, confusion in your eyes.

“jules?” you softly asked. the short woman’s eyes swiftly popped open, revealing her anxious face. your eyes brows furrowed with worry. julien wanted nothing more than to sooth the arch between them, but she couldn’t will herself to move.

“hi, baby,” julien quietly said, trying to conceal her thoughts from you. she didn’t want you to worry.

“what’s wrong?” you asked, slowly sitting up so you two were eye level. you reached your right hand into her hair and played with the loose strands from her bun.

julien was quiet for a few seconds, silently debating whether or not to bring up her constant source of worrying. she decided it was now or never. “why are you with me?”

your eyes blinked rapidly at her question that was seemingly out of no where. you tilted your head in confusion as you tried to find her eyes, but she was just staring at her twitching hands.

“why on earth would you ask that? i’m with you because i love you,” you softly said, taking her face between your hands. your eyes locked once again and she was holding back tears.

“it’s just… you’re, like, way out of my league and so beautiful. and i’m just… me. you should be with someone like florence,” she finally concluded her rambling. she refused to meet your eyes once again.

“jules…” you trailed off, “look at me.” your hands moved her head up. you leaned in to give her a soft peck on the forehead.

“i’m with you because you are the most intelligent and amazing person i’ve ever meet. you’re sweet and smart and so fucking beautiful. i don’t want to be with florence. i want you, only you. always remember that.”

julien pulled you in for a fierce hug, hiding her face in your neck. she really needed to hear that.

#bitethehnd #julien baker x reader #julien baker x you #julien baker fanfic #julien baker au #boygenius #olivia rodrigo #wlw #lesbian #sapphic #bisexual

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mysticallystilinski · 11 months

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vampire | v. stiles x fem!reader | angst/hurt

summary: void stiles may be bad, but not in your eyes. you soon realize that everyone else’s view of him was true.

warnings: angst, swearing, manipulation, abuse and mention of murder

♫ ( vampire - olivia rodrigo )

a/n: { this is based of olivia rodrigos new song vampire! it’s so good and void just fits the part of it. i am also in no way romanticizing abuse or murder in this imagine. }

cause i’ve made some real big mistakes

“void.. hear me out, i promise i didn’t mean it.” you say in a seemingly calm tone. your mind was the exact opposite of your words. you did mean it. you meant every part of it. it was never supposed to come out, void should have never known you’ve loved him.

“just shut up y/n, i know you weren’t lying.” he spits out. “you need to really use better choice of words, cause jesus you’re not in love with me.” void sat while you were up looking down at him with tears in your eyes.

but you make the worst one look fine

“it’s not my fault she got in the way.” he laughs. “VOID YOU KILLED ALLISON.” you yell. under your breath “you killed my bestfriend.” void gives you a demeaning look. you have to think, why does everything he do have to be perfect in his eyes.

“it’s seriously not that big of a deal y/n.” he gets off his seat and heads to the door. you grab voids arm and say “seriously?”. “you act like what you did was nothing.” you spit out. your body fills with rage as your mind keeps repeating the moment you found out what he did.

out of the corner of your eye, you see him produce a slight smirk.

i should’ve known it was strange, you only come out at night

“void, why do you only come out at night.” you snickered. there was a long pause on the phone call suddenly left with a groan. “why do you always ask so many questions.” he says back.

“it’s not my fault i want to actually see my boyfriend.” you said with a chuckle. the line goes dead silent once again. something was off with void today but you couldn’t pinpoint the exact problem.

“maybe you can come over in a few.” you suggest. “i think it’s better if i come over later.” he retorts. does he really think i’m that stupid.

i used to think i was smart, but you make me look so naive

“y/n, when will we ever get to meet this boyfriend of yours”, lydia asks questioningly . the whole pack turns their head to look at you, except for of course stiles.

“he’s always really busy, you know.” kira gives you a questioning look. “he always seems to be busy, doesn’t he?” scott remarks. scott and lydia seemed to be the ones most interested in what is up with your boyfriend.

“guys i know you think he’s up to no good, but believe me; he is just really busy.” you cough out. you try to convince yourself of the words you’re saying, but each day it’s harder to lie to yourself. maybe he just is really busy

the way you sold me for parts, as you sunk your teeth into me

you cry out in pain as void sinks his teeth into you. it wasn’t as bad as last time, but you have to suck it up for him. this is the only way he could get his power to be with you. his teeth seeping into your flesh made him feel better.

soon after void is finished with you he lets go, “you did so good y/n.” you wince out in pain as he runs his finger over the newly bitten mark in your flesh. you flinch when he puts his mouth down to kiss it. he slowly backs away from your skin and gives you a less than compassionate smile.

“it will be over soon little dove, just a little more.” he grasps at your hand to hold it. “you’re doing so good already, why stop now”, he chuckled. you gasp in pain as he sinks his teeth into you.

only a few more minutes

bloodsucker, famefucker

the marks were soon gone as void gave you some of his power to regenerate your skin. it still hurt but he seemed to be more compassionate this time around. it was hard to be around void in this time of night, he liked to get dark and you didn’t understand how concerning it was.

he liked to be rough with you, in many aspects. but if it was enough to stay with void, you would do anything to make it happen. he was like a bloodsucker, but you never realized it. he would suck out all of energy from you, and never replenish it. he is a vampire in that aspect.

bleeding me dry like a god damn vampire

“y/n, Y/N, are you okay??” scott yells. you aren’t able to hear him well as your hearing is fading in and out. you feel yourself being rolled somewhere. “scott, where am i?” you muster up the strength to say.

it was hazy all around you. you couldn’t seem to pinpoint where you were. you heard ringing in both ears and you felt hard lights upon you. “where, where is he?”, you manage to say. “don’t worry, stiles is on his way.” you feel yourself go down the long hallway faster and faster. “no- no, not stiles.” you begin to feel your surroundings.

it seems to be that you’re at a hospital. your only thought is to where void is. is he okay? “where is void.” the spinning stops, and you are faced with scott to the side of you.

“what are you talking about?”

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abouttofillhisshoes · 2 months

Text

We started losing light - M.H x Reader // pt.2

A/N: TW for vomit, please take care of yourselves! I wrote most of this in one go, i'm sorry if there are any spelling/wording mistakes. It gets angsty, lots of yelling bla bla. Adams a cunt in this one. Thank you @beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff for beta reading once again❤️

wc: 7k

part three

The smell of fresh cut grass permeated the air. You were walking down the beaten pavement path, moss covering most of it, making it quite slippery. For the first time in a long time, you were completely sober.

It had been well over two weeks since the kiss, not having addressed it. There was no need to, since it clearly meant nothing to both of you. It was early march, and you had expected the rain to lay off for a bit. The weather forecast that morning laughed in your face, predicting another week of straight rain. Had that made you think, even for a second ‘hey, maybe it’d be a good idea to bring a coat?’ Of course not.

“What do you think of Hann’s new girl?” Mattys voice broke your train of thought. “She's fit, isn't she? Maybe even too fit for the old man,” he lets out a disgusting cough, and you tell him that maybe it's a sign he should quit smoking.

“Don't be a dickhead, Adams plenty attractive,” you answer, nudging him with your elbow. Matty scoffs as a way to say: Hann? Attractive? Our mate, Adam Hann? You nod, not letting Adam be the butt of yet another one of Mattys deprecating jokes.

“Olivia’s nice, even if she was a total cunt to George,” His eyes lit up at your statement, nodding erratically. “Right?? What was even her problem with him? She was fine with the rest of us, even you, given that you're a girl. Something about him must’ve fucked her off or something.” It's true, she was a total sweetheart to you, even asking where your lipgloss was from.

She was a sight for sore eyes, bleach blonde, waist length hair draping over her shoulders. Blue eyes like the ocean, even if you get lost in them. Ross was convinced she was some sort of call girl, until Adam had shown him the text threads from the dating site they had met on.

You offer him a shrug. The night's events played out in your mind. You had all met at a bar near Adam and Ross’ flat. From the start, she was facing away from George, avoiding looking at him like it was going to kill her if she did. George tried to talk to her, even complimented her shoes (the shoes were ugly), but to no avail. She just wouldn't acknowledge him. He eventually gave up, nursing his drink while making conversation with a very confused Ross.

You continued walking arm in arm, ‘Old Yellow Bricks’ by the Arctic Monkeys blaring through your headphones. It was a miracle neither of you had extensive hearing loss.

All was well, until you felt the first rain drops hit your bare shoulders. You turn to Matty to complain, but you see a sly smile already on his face.

“I hate to tell you ‘told you so’ but-,” You didn't let him finish.

“Please don't do this to me, I'm having a moment of weakness!” you shiver dramatically. The wind wasn't helping your little predicament. You had a tank top on, not very ideal for the harsh British rain that was about to come pouring down.

“Now, be a gentleman and give me your coat.” Matty shakes his head, tugging the coat over himself. You scoff at him.

“You can steal my weed and talk about ‘girls don't roll their own spliffs’ but you wont give me your coat?? Fucking tosser, you are.” You mime his thick northern accent, your fingers forming quotation marks in the air.

“Oh fuck right off! Y’know Hann’s the only one who does that-'' you narrow your eyes at him, cocking your head to the left, “Fine, I said it once. And besides, I'm cold too!”

You pout at him, giving him your best puppy dog eyes. He pretends to think about it, but inevitably shakes his head once again. ‘Fuck you’ you think.

It's not until the rain starts proper pouring down on the two of you that Matty makes you an offer.

“Share the coat? You've officially lost the plot, mate.” You laugh in his face. How would you even fit?? Then again, the coat was insanely big, sized up at least two or three sizes. You could theoretically squeeze into it. Matty and his ‘fashion’ choices.

Deciding to try, Matty takes his right arm out of the coat, letting you into it. It was a tight fit, and it didn't close, but it worked. Your left arm rested on Mattys waist, and his right one rested on yours. He gave your side a light squeeze, laughing at you when you jump.

You felt a familiar warmth at the contact. ‘Stop it’ you thought to yourself. Your attention was quickly pulled to the car driving past. In the pouring rain, a yellow taxi cab had hit a puddle next to the edge of the pavement, dousing you in muddy rainwater.

Matty cursed the car out, letting out a terrifying shriek. Jesus.

He tried to brush as much of the water off as he could, but it was no use.

Watching him struggle made you crack a smile. It was endearing almost, seeing him curse at literal water.

The walk back to Mattys place was rudely interrupted by him booking it down the street halfway home, ripping you out of the confines of the jacket. The rain had let up, so you chased after him. Your boots splashed against the water on the ground, the wind blowing against you. Matty almost tripped on a rogue piece of pavement, making him fall back.

His feeble attempts at getting his keys into the lock before you got to him proved useless. You were fast.

Your head hurts from the running, so you let his bolting away from you slide, as long as he made you a cuppa as an apology. He was mental about his tea, having an entire cupboard dedicated to organizing and storing it.

“You should be on an episode of my strange addiction,” you comment.

Matty made tea like it was his profession, perfectly measuring the water-to-teabag ratio to a T (pun intended). You loved sugar, and you watched him put 3 cubes into yours. He took his with a splash of milk, gross.

The warm liquid soothes the sore throat you knew you’d have tomorrow. Your nose was already clogging up from all the time spent in the rain, trying to get home as soon as possible

“So, am I forgiven?” Matty looks at you from over the top of his red foo fighters mug. Only he would have a red foo fighters mug. You smile and nod at him as he reaches for the remote.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“I swear to fucking god Rome, if you fuck this up, I will rip your balls off and have that be my jewelry.” You say through gritted teeth.

You were currently draped across your mate Rome’s sofa. That same Rome who did your crooked aladdin sane tattoo, was now apparently a professional body piercer. But hey, who could turn down a free piercing? Spoiler alert: you probably should have.

The needle tickled your belly button, and you could feel your heart racketing in your chest. And not in a good way. ‘Matty was the good way.’

What the fuck? You pushed the thought away quickly.

You had plenty of piercings in your ears, 5 or so on each side, but this was your first body piercing. I was also your first one done by Rome, tattoo expert and piercer extraordinaire, allegedly.

Matty was sat on the glass coffee table across from the leather sofa, eyeing the needle even more intensely than you were.

A cold disinfectant wipe touched your stomach, making you shudder. Rome said it wouldn't hurt much, but you didn't trust a word that came out of his mouth. He had also told you the tattoo on your hip bone wouldn't hurt a lot, and that was a blatant lie. It was a piercing pain in your hip for about 4 hours straight, so not exactly pain free.

“Just breathe, it’ll be over in a second.” you hear Rome's voice, slightly distorted. The needle pierces your skin. It feels hot, and you can feel your hand squeezing Mattys. The jewelry slipping in causes another flash of hot pain to sear through you. Now it's Mattys voice whispering comforting words into your ear. His presence helps, acting as a sort of psychological painkiller.

Examining your new accessory in the mirror, you let out a content sigh. The green gemstone glimmers in the light, complimenting the red and green of your tattoo. The light of the bathroom blinded you, and you make a mental to let Rome know his lightbulb was brighter than the fucking sun.

Matty was waiting for you in the living room, flicking through channels on the telly. He nods when his eyes meet yours, signaling it was time to go.

The two of you had made it a habit to walk everywhere, neither having enough money to pay for bus or train tickets. The walks had become a constant, the feeling of Mattys coat brushing up against your shoulder was routine.

Sharing headphones once again, today's track was AC/DC’s ‘Back In Black’. Matty wasn't a big fan of AC/DC but that didn't matter, he still let you put it on, even though it had been his turn.

That's something you’d noticed. He wasn't as prissy about the music anymore, simply humming in response to your music choice, even if it was the worst pop trash he had ever heard. Something felt off, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. It didn't matter much at the time, it just meant you had more opportunity to listen to whatever you pleased.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sound was a pub of sorts. Exactly the type of pub you would find someone like Matty in.

Extravagant, loud, and full of life and most importantly, booze. The neon signs all littering the concrete wall gave you a headache.

He had brought everyone here, including Hann’s girlfriend, for a round of drinks.

The queue up until the door had been well stressful, seeing as both you and George were underage. Most pubs let you in without a hitch, but this one was new.

Thankfully, the bouncer didn't even look twice at the both of you, simply waving you through. He did press hand to Adam's chest, and asked him of all people for his I.D. You tried not to giggle as Hann desperately searched his pockets for his wallet. Olivia stood next to him, looking unimpressed.

Matty was already inside, ordering everyone drinks. He might fail his GCSEs, but for some reason, he had everyone's drink order down by heart. Even Olivias. You wonder where he had gotten that information from.

The bass of the music thrummed through your veins, the disco-esque lights flashing all around you. It was full, the poor bartenders overwhelmed with about sixteen people at once shouting their various drink orders at them. You took a sip of your drink, and made your way to the semi-crowded dance floor. Spotting Adam snogging his girl in the corner, you roll your eyes at the sight.

George and Ross were off to the side, doing shots with a bridal party of all people. The maid of honor was throwing herself at Ross, and he attempted to fend her off, going on about ‘the missus waiting for him at home’. That sure didn't stop her.

But you couldn't, for the life of you, find Matty. You hated this about him. He just disappeared and it took ages to find him again, and it didn't help that everyone else was either snogging their girlfriend or getting hammered with an entire wedding. Your eyes scan the crowd, and you finally see him.

Him and a girl.

His hair was up in a half up half down sort of style, blonde strands framing his face perfectly. His eyes were lined with blue liner, complimenting the blue nail polish on his fingers. The fingers on the hands that were touching some random girl's arm. A pretty girl's arm.

She was everything in vogue. Absolutely gorgeous black hair fell over her shoulder, framing her face perfectly. A red dress clung to her body, her legs looking a mile long. She was the beauty standard.

You felt jealousy bubble up inside of you, stopping yourself before you could properly feel it.

‘It's Matty’ you thought to yourself ‘he does this all the time, get your shit together’ A deep breath managed to steady you. It wasn't long before he saw you through the crowd of people, a smile spreading into his face when he did. He said something to the girl. The look on his face seemed apologetic. She nodded in understanding, flashing him a smile as he turned around to make his way to you. Did he reject her?

“All this neon is doing my head in,” you gesture at your surroundings, ”can we go outside for a bit?” Matty agrees, commenting on the volume of the music. For some reason, you can't find Adam, and you assume he's off shagging his girlfriend in a bathroom stall somewhere.

The warm air hits you as you step out the back entrance, Matty following close behind. You wedge your wallet in between the door to keep it from locking you out. A lesson learned the hard way. The brick of the wall dug into your back, you wince at the roughness of it.

You pulled out your cigarettes, feeling around for your lighter. An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, but Matty was already way ahead of you. He held his lighter up to the cig between your lips. You notice two things. One, his hands are shaking, and two, it's the lighter. That same lighter he had on his the day you met.

Why were his hands shaking? Why did he still have it? Was it even the same one? You check the side of it and sure enough, it had his initials scrawled on it in white ink. You're snapped out of your thoughts when the nicotine hits your system. It calms down your thinking, and you forget about it. It feels like you're forgetting a lot these days.

“Why did you reject her? She was really pretty.” you ask, your eyes not meeting his, instead focusing on the glowing billboard in the distance. Matty frowned at you.

“Yeah, she was, but you know id rather not fuck someone i dont know.” he takes a deep drag of his cigarette. “You know I'm not really like that.”

Matty was a performer, he performed in every aspect in his life. So did you, in a way. With fake displays of confidence and that fucking kiss, you put on a sort of show. So did Matty, honing a distinct air of nonchalance, acting unbothered by everything and everyone.

Those performances were let down when you were around each other. You got to see a side of Matty no one else really saw, not even George, who he had known since he was about 14. He was vulnerable with you, soft even. In turn, he saw your insecurities. Insecurities that ran deep through your bones. Insecurities that were the very essence of your being.

You smoke the rest of your cigarette in silence, leaning against the wall. A gust of wind made you shiver, goosebumps forming on your skin.

The heel of your boot stubs out the butt of your cigarette, and you turn to go back inside. Mattys hand on your arm stopped you, and you felt your breath hitch at the contact.

“Ross just messaged me,” he read the text out loud, the faint blue light illuminating his face. “Adams gone back home to shag Olivia. He said to fuck off until at least 2, and to leave him alone.”

You stare at him for a second before you answer, fuming at Adam for leaving you stranded like that. “Where are we meant to go then? Fucking tosser, leaving us like that” Matty just shrugs, and starts walking around the building to the main entrance. You follow him.

Ross and George are at the front, and George has a tiara on his head. Matty immediately questions his choice of headwear, but he just brushes him off, saying it was a gift from the bride. Her name was Ashley, apparently. Not that it mattered, how the fuck were you gonna get home?

All your questions were answered when George spoke: “We could go to mine? I have a pretty big shed in my garden,” Matty makes a face at the thought of sleeping in someone's garden shed, but then again, it was better than being homeless for the next eight or so hours.

“We could all crash there, it even has a mattress in it.”

The four of you decide to walk the 45 minutes to Georges house, seeing as there werent any busses going in that direction at 11 o’clock at fucking night. Fuck Adam.

George fumbled with the key to the shed for a solid minute before finally getting it open, revealing the interior.

It was littered with boxes stacked on top of various pieces of furniture. You spot an old mattress tucked up against the wall. It looks dirty, and you wonder if sleeping on the floor might prove more hygienic than laying your face on that.

You get to work, moving boxes out of the way to reveal a red leather couch, dusty and grimy from years of storage, and a giant green sofa chair. You lugged your bag onto the chair, calling dibs. Ross groaned, sitting down on the mattress on the floor. It at least came with a blanket (if you could call a duvet without a sheet a blanket).

Matty had gone with the sofa, and was now brushing as much dust off as he could, trying to get it somewhat clean. Neither one of you had any clothes to sleep in, so you opted for just sleeping in your current clothes. You hadn’t thought to bring makeup wipes, so you knew you’d be dealing with a gnarly breakout in the morning. That didn't matter to you at this point, you just wanted to pass out on the chair. You put your hair up in a ponytail, sighing as you look for a surface to put your cellphone on. Matty was stood behind you, shuffling around the sofa, trying to find a place for his giant coat.

Everyone was getting ready to conk out, and George had already gone back to his house. He, of course, had a warm and comfortable bed waiting for him inside a heated house.

You watched Matty as he took his shirt off, your eyes lingering for a beat longer than what was considered ‘platonic’. He had a tattoo that mirrored yours on his left hip bone. “We are kings” it read. You’d laughed at him when he showed it to you, deeming it awfully cheesy, a rose being the backdrop for the words. But nevertheless, he ignored your words. As long as he liked it, you told him.

He had various other small, mostly meaningless tattoos littering his skin. He had let Rome practice a lot on his legs, which proved to be a mistake, given those god-awful tattoos were now going to be stuck on his body forever. It didn't seem to bother him though. He was seemingly happy just helping a friend, even if he did now have a hideous cross tattoo on his left calf.

You had only one tattoo, the Aladdin Sane one, but you were planning on getting more the moment you could afford to not have to go to Rome for it.

‘never again’ you thought.

Matty had settled onto the sofa, and was now reading one of the many books that were stacked in piles in the corners of the shed. He had picked up Joan Didions ‘Slouching toward Bethlehem", scanning the pages intently.

You don't know at what point you fell asleep, but you were woken up by a loud crashing noise. You shoot up, greeted by a stabbing pain in your upper back and shoulder. Fuckkkkk.

The chair had made you fall asleep in a god-awful position, your neck hanging off the edge of it. The source of the noise was, of course, Matty knocking over the once source of light: A metal lamp that was conveniently placed right in the middle of the tiny shed.

He cursed at the lamp, and then at George for deciding to put it there. George couldn’t hear him, since he was comfortably sleeping in his own bed inside of the house. Fuck. him.

Matty looks at you, apologizing for waking you up. Ross was nowhere to be seen, and you assume he’d already left.

Your hand reaches for your back, trying to soothe the pain by rubbing it. It didn't help, and you lay back in defeat.

“What's got you so prissy this morning?” Matty asks, cocking an eyebrow. You shoot him a glare, not in the mood for his comments.

“It’s all Adam's fault! If he hadnt acted like a fucking dickhead and left us stranded just to shag Olivia, I would’ve fallen asleep in my own bed, and not some dusty chair in a shed! A fucking shed!”You were frustrated to say the least, your hands moving erratically around you, showcasing said frustration. “My back is killing me, I cant move, and Ross has fucked off god knows where.” You feel tears well up in your eyes, too embarrassed to look at Matty.

You were tired and in pain. All because Hann couldn't keep his dick in his pants. You mentally flip him off.

“I could give you a massage, if you want,” Matty offered, seeing how the whole night had affected you. “And you're right, Hann’s a total cunt for doing that.” He added, making you break out into a smile at his words. He had that effect on you. You calmed down

He motioned for you to sit down on the floor in front of the leather sofa, and you did. You took off your shirt, feeling a sudden pang of insecurity run through you. You had been half naked in front of Matty loads of times, so why was this different?

The sudden pressure of Mattys rough hands on your shoulder blade made you groan, relieving some of the tightness in your back.

“Thanks mate, you're a legend.” Matty chuckles at your words, humming in response. He goes on for about 10 minutes, All is going great, and your back feels better. That is, until Ross comes rushing through the door. He freezes when he sees you in your bra, shielding his eyes and spinning around to face the door.

“Fuckin hell, why are you naked? And why are Mattys hands on you?” Ross borderline shouts, his voice seeming panicked.

“Jesus Ross, stop acting like I'm the first half naked girl you've seen in your life,” you start, Mattys laugh interrupting you. “You can turn around, Matty’s just giving me a massage.”

He does turn around, avoiding looking at you. You roll your eyes. Unbelievable.

He grabs his jacket, and leaves as quickly as he came. Matty taps your shoulder, signaling you to get up. You put your shirt back on, and grab your bag from the pile of boxes. Your back still aches, but the massage did help. You tell him as much.

“It's no thing, all good,” He mutters, closing the door of the shed behind him. You now have to figure out how to get ‘round the side of the house without George’s parents seeing you. How would he explain that? “Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, three people slept in the shed last night. Tea?”

Nevertheless, you manage to get out unnoticed, setting off home. The walk was incredibly long, stopping at a wetherspoons along the way to have a piss. It took some bickering with the barista to let you use the bathroom even though you weren't customers. It ended with Matty giving her his number, promising to take her out as a thank you. That same jealousy bubbled up inside of you as he handed her the piece of paper with a wink.

It didn't matter, you decided. It was fluke, you were just tired and angry at Adam for being a massive fucking cunt and leaving you. You swore you’d kill him when you saw him next.

By the time you made it home, it was almost 8:30. Hoping and praying your mother hadn't woken up yet, you slid the window open. Nothing. She was asleep.

Matty helped you up, grabbing you by the sides. His hands lingered for a second too long, squeezing the flesh of your hips. You swore you could see a faint blush spread across his face. No. You were imagining it. He was just red from lifting you. Definitely.

He held out his arms, enveloping you in a warm hug goodbye. You felt like crying. You really didn't want him to leave. The hug lasted what seemed like forever, your hands stroking his back. He somehow sensed this, and held you even tighter.

“I'll pick you up at half ten, alright? Just us.” you liked the sound of that, nodding your head in agreement. “No Adam or Ross to fuck us off, we’ll get hammered and walk around. That sound good?” You nod again, brushing some of his hair out of his face.

This is the first time in a while you'd gotten to properly look at him. You observed his features. Eye bags caressed the skin under his eyes, making him look tired. He was still beautiful, his pale skin glowing in the light of the morning. Brown eyes glazed over and full of sleep pierced yours. You felt like he was looking into your soul. He saw you.

He pulled away, your hand lingering on his arm before returning to your side. He turned around to leave, and every fiber of you wanted to shout after him to stay. You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Defeated, you turned around and hopped off the window sill and into your bedroom.

Your bed was calling your name, and you flopped onto it, not bothering to change. You desperately needed a shower, but your body would not move. Sleep took over your body as you settled into the cold sheets of your bed.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time in your life, Matty was drunker than you were. Stumbling down the road, cursing at cars driving past for no apparent reason. The half a bottle of vodka already in his system was being washed down by a bottle of red wine, currently sloshing onto his shirt. You weren't completely sober either, but you’re pretty sure you’d never seen Matty this wrecked. Ever.

“I need a piss,” Matty announces, searching your surroundings for the nearest gas station. You weren't quite certain where you were, the darkness of the cloudy night obstructed your view.

You were walking on the side of some highway or other, seeing as there was barely a sliver of pavement to keep you from getting hit by a car. The honking finally made sense.

Matty spots a gas station in the distance, and takes off running down the street in its direction. A drunk Matty was definitely faster than a sober one, you take note, hauling ass after him.

By the time you’d made it inside, Matty was already throwing himself at a traumatized looking gas station attendant, basically climbing over the counter to get to her.

You grab him by the shirt, tugging him backwards. Apologizing profusely, you ask where the bathroom is. The blonde girl points timidly to the sign hanging above a hallway off to the side, labeled ‘Unisex Toilet’. You thank her, before realizing Matty had once again escaped your line of sight and was now yelling at the drink cooler.

“It's absolutely mad, the amount of drinks they offer! That can't be good for the environment!” He slurs his words, making meaningful eye contact with a can of cherry cola.

“Climate change is a real thing you know, don't let the people fool y-” you cut him off, apologizing to the now even more terrified worker, ushering him towards the loo.

“Fuckin hell, what did you do that for?? I was just inquiring on the importance of-” his expression changed drastically “fuckfuckfuck get out my way!” you knew that look. Matty was about to hurl all over you if you didnt move now.

He bolted to the nearest stall, dropping to his knees as the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed made its reappearance in the toilet bowl. Your hands moved to get his hair out of his face. You whisper small ‘oh god’s whilst stroking his hair, knowing throwing vodka up couldn't be pleasant. You weren't sober in the slightest, but you had to pull yourself together to help hi.

Matty had done this for you multiple times, holding your hair whilst talking you through it.

“Jesus Matty, you have got to pace yourself,” you say, your voice having a slightly serious tinge to it. He genuinely worried you.

“Oh fuck off mate, leave me alone.” he spat, the tone of this voice sending a chill down your spine. He had never, in your three years of friendship, spoken to you like that. You gripped his hair tighter, letting out an annoyed sigh, not knowing how to react. He was wasted, but he had been wasted before. Never like this.

“Are you deaf?? I said fuck off!” His words dripped with venom, his voice amplified in the confines of the bathroom. Your eyes widen in shock, letting go of his hair. It falls into his face, obscuring it.

The bathroom stills when he finally stops retching, having emptied the contents of his stomach fully. Time seemed to slow for both you and him, making the room spin.

Suddenly, you hear sobs coming from beneath you. Matty was crying. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkkkk. What do you do? Comfort him? Leave him alone to cry it out? Definitely not.

You drop down to your knees, trying to get a look at his face. Vomit covered the edges of his mouth, spit dripping down into the toilet. Everything reeked of cheap vodka and cigarettes, but you blocked out the smell.

“Please dont look at me..” you hear, his voice shaking as he brings a hand up to wipe his mouth clean. It gets on his sleeve, but he doesn't seem to care. Your hand finds its way into his hair, massaging his scalp in that way he likes. A whimper leaves his mouth, catching you off guard. Another sob. Tears drip down his face, and he finally turns around to face you.

“Christ Matty, what's gone wrong with you?” you ask, your voice breathy, the alcohol making you hazy. He just shakes his head, bringing his knees up to his chest. His eyes are glued to the floor, too scared to look at you.

“Dont know whats wrong with me,” he starts, finally looking up. He doesn't look you in the eye, instead looking behind you. Past you. “Maybe I had too much to drink, I dunno.” You crack a smile. No shit he had too much to drink.

“Lay off the vodka for a bit, it makes you mad. You almost jumped the poor girl behind the counter.” you laugh, trying to lighten the mood a bit, still too drunk to be put down by Mattys crisis.

“I don't want to get up, I feel so heavy” he slurs, obviously still drunk. “Nah, you know we need to leave, or else they’ll kick us out for trespassing or something. We’ve been in here ‘bout an hour already.” You look at an imaginary watch on your wrist, making him giggle.

His eyes are half closed as he watches you get up from your spot next to him. You use the stall walls for balance, not wanting to come crashing down. Extending a hand to Matty, he pulls himself up with you. The both of you stumble outside of the stall, and you take a look at yourself in the mirror. Jesus, both of you look like you've been through hell.

Your makeup smeared down your face, your lipgloss long gone. Mattys hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction imaginable. There was vomit on his shirt and chin, trailing down his neck. You look at his reflection in disgust, and tell him as much.

He takes his coat off, along with his shirt. He runs his face under cold water, washing any vomit off of it. He stared at himself, his eyes empty. Your voice made him look at you.

“Let's not overdo it like this again, it proper sucked” you knew you sounded like you were joking, but you couldn't be more serious. “I'm still a bit drunk, and I think you are too. Food?”

He nods at you, and takes your bag out of your hands, stuffing his tshirt into it. Putting his coat back on, you can see the skin of his chest peek out from underneath it. You look away, taking the bag back from him. As you emerge out of the loo, you nod in the direction of the girl behind the counter. Matty announces he's run out of cigarettes, and goes to buy more. The girl hands him a pack of parliaments, and he slides a tenner over to her, telling her to keep the change.

The air outside is cool, colder than inside the bathroom. The smell of petrol fills your nostrils and you breathe. “Maccies?” He asks, pointing to the sign across the road. You smile, crossing the road together, desperately needing some grease in your system.

He places both your orders for you, taking the number and sitting down. Your food arrives, looking as good as mcdonalds at 1 in the morning can look. You take a bite out of your food, and reach for your shared fries. Mattys hand is already there, and your fingers brush against each other

You pull your hand back and it feels as if you've been shocked by something. Matty seems as unbothered as ever, munching away at his chicken burger (yes, chicken). You stare at him until he looks up at you, your eyes quickly redirecting to your own food. Everything feels weird. Breathing feels hard as your heart pounds in your chest

You're just drunk, stop it.

“What do you wanna do after?” He says, licking the grease off of his fingers. You can still see his chest, the pale skin a stark contrast to the dark, fluffy material of his coat. His hair was down, covering a large chunk of his face, he desperately needed to cut it. You tell him.

“Cut it for me then, as a payment for me coloring yours,” You agree, smiling at the thought.

“I can't exactly go home, my house is too far away and i can't be arsed to pay for a taxi at this hour.” he adds to his previous statement, turning his pockets inside out, showing his lack of funds. Typical Matty, running out of money at the worst possible moment. You had used the last of your cash to pay for your food, leaving about 6 quid in your wallet.

“What about Carolines? That's not far from here.” you suggest, finishing off the last of the fries.

Matty sipped on his cola, calculating the distance, before agreeing and getting up to leave. You take your bag, following closely behind him. Hooking his arm in with yours, you walk along the highway together, flipping off the cars that honked at you. The clouds had cleared, showing the myriad of stars glowing in the sky. You stopped for a second, admiring their beauty before Matty pulled you along. He was never one for admiring nature, always a city boy at heart.

The walk was calm, with Matty walking at your pace, instead of you at his. He hummed the melody to some radiohead. This was the first walk together you had taken in silence. Your boots clicked against the pavement, the sound almost deafening.

Arriving at Carolines, the steps up to the terrace seemed longer than ever. The sofa was still there, though it had been moved, presumably by Ross, closer to the railing. The stars were clear as ever, illuminating Mattys face in a soft blue light. The city below was quiet, most of the lights in the buildings having been turned off.

You steal a glance at Mattys wristwatch. 2:53am. Was it already that late?

You catch him staring at you, his eyes lingering. You felt naked, exposed, despite being more covered up than he was. Mattys gaze didn't let up, so you decided to stare back. Your eyes lock, and you immediately sober up.

“D’you have any weed on you? I fancy a smoke,” he asked, his eyes flicking between yours and your bag. You did, in fact, have a pre rolled spliff in your makeup bag. By the time you’d taken it out, Matty had already taken his lighter out of his jeans pocket. That fucking lighter.

He hands it to you, and you cock your head at him.

“So you don't go begging for my coat again,” he grins, pressing the plastic into your hand. The way he articulated the word begging made you feel warm, flush almost. A blush spread on your cheeks, you could feel it. Matty either didn't notice, or just plain ignored it. Both options made you nervous.

You light the spliff, rotating it to get an even burn. Passing it to Matty, you let him take the first hit. He does, his expression immediately changing to a more relaxed one. ‘He looks fucked out’ you think, observing the way his eyes drooped half closed. His hair fell into his face as he laid down onto your lap, letting his head rest on your thighs.

You take a drag, ashing onto the floor. The ash dwindles on the floor for a second, before going out completely. The two of you take in the glow of the city, slightly obscured by the dark gray railing, but beautiful nonetheless.

“Do you ever feel lost?” The words slip out before you can stop them. Matty moves in your lap, turning so that he could look at you from below. His expression is unreadable. Neutral. It scares you.

“Sometimes, yeah..” his voice is soft, raspy from the smoke. He passes the spliff back to you before speaking further. “But isn't that part of it? The human experience? Feeling lost, I mean.” you can see him picking at his nails, the skin beginning to bleed. His neutral expression is replaced by something else. Worry? Anxiety?

Matty was prone to panic attacks. They didn’t happen often, but they happened. One particular time was in a club downtown. It was Saturday night, and the place was packed to the brim. His hand grabbed yours and the look in his eyes was nothing short of terrified. His breathing was irregular, and you knew he needed to get out, now.

That was one of the first times it happened, but it wasn't the last. You quickly learned how to deal with them. He, like you, never, ever wanted to talk about it immediately after the fact. You knew they happened when he felt trapped. In crowded spaces, in high stress situations. His hand would reach for yours as if it were the anchor to reality.

His hand reached for yours, the coldness of his making you jump slightly. Your heart was beating so fast I couldn't see straight. His eyes met yours, searching for something. Something.

What was that something? What did he want? He squeezed your fingers, playing with the rings on your index and ring. Twisting and turning and taking them off and putting them back on. The feeling made you dizzy.

You stayed like that, his head in your lap until the first signs of dawn hit your skin. The orange glow of the sun makes his eyes appear brighter, his hair looks lighter than it actually was. The blonde highlights were a good idea. This made him appear his age. You were just two kids

Kids on a terrace, watching the sun rise slowly over the city.

Not daring to move, you let yourself relax on the couch. You're tired, you haven't slept all night and you could feel the hangover start to spread its way through your body. You weren't completely present.

You convince yourself the faint “I love you,” you heard just before you drifted off the sleep was a trick of your mind.

What else could it be?

#oh god #i really like this one actually #drunk matty is my fav to write #well except the part where he yells at girlie #the 1975 #matty healy #ross macdonald #adam hann #george daniel #matty healy x reader #matty healy angst #matty healy x you #matty the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction

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elissanatok · 1 year

Text

﹒•˒⟿⭒「﹒•𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙚 ❞」ʿʿ ⟿☼

↳🪶💌⭒˞˔˙ː❛ -„𝖧𝗂𝗌 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖨 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝗆𝖾. 𝖫𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖽𝗂𝖿𝖿𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾."✹⋮

summary: In which the middle child of the clearwater family suddenly gets pulled out of her peacefull and secure lifestyle, just to enter a world of shifters, vampires and love triangles.

◌༄۵ ! 𝔧𝔞𝔠𝔬𝔟 𝔟𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔨 !

! 𝖳𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 !

I hope you enjoy reading my story! Show me you're here, write a comment, vote, make a girl happy ;)<3

englisch is not my first language, please feel free to kindly point out the mistakes that are possibly made

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨

﹒•˒⟿⭒「﹒• 𝗋 𝖺 𝗂 𝗇 ❞」ʿʿ ⟿☼

......................

there was not much one could wear at the reservation. half of the people ran around like it was august all year long, but not Olivia. she put on a pair of socks, a pair of fluffy socks and her boots. her thick coat almost hid her completely as she stepped down her porch. mutt was making a squeaking sound under her shoes, the brown liquid spraying against her jeans, as she walked to her jeep. the tiny yellow car being her only way into town.

she wanted to get a book, nothing else.

she did not expect to be thrown to the ground by the most fragile force that could have ever run into her. she looked up into brown eyes. the girl's hand being stuffed in thick gloves reached out to her. "g-god I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to." Olivia nodded. her bum was wet and her hands were red and itchy from the ground, but she forced a light smile. "It's alright. don't worry. could have happened to me too." she tried stepping around the brunette and into the store, stuffing her hands back into her coat. the girl stepped aside, smiling uncomfortably and left a second later.

"bella!", she had heard a familiar voice call, but didn't bother turning around and taking a look. she wasn't bella and she had hurt herself enough already.

the rain fell harshly against the windows of the bookstore, then the window of her car, and the windows of her bedroom. it had been raining for a few days now, which annoyed her just a little bit. spending hours in her bed reading and watching movies was something she loved. but she hated going to school during the rain, because when she went in and when she stepped out, she would get wet, and being wet was something entirely different than watching the rain through her window.

a knock on her door made her look up from her novel. she smiled when she saw the brown hair of her brother, but rolled her eyes when she saw the second one. paul grinned. he was content in her room. it smelled of lavender and honey and her. "what do you want?", she asked and sat up slightly. seth let himself fall on her bed, while the older boy sat down in her chair. he inhaled the air carefully. honey, lavender and something he really, really did not like. he threw a nasty look at her coat, which was hanging around the wooden chair.

"we wanted to know if you would like to eat at sams today. emily asked about you, you know", paul told her, while watching her intently. she had not been at sams for a few years now. not since he had broken up with her sister. she liked emily, she loved her, she was her cousin, but that did not change the sour taste in her mouth whenever they talked about her. "Not today. tell her thanks tho please.", she smiled slightly, looking down at her book again.

paul exhaled a loud breath. he had already expected her answer. "you know, she and leah talked. they're on good terms now.", he told her, while seth threw her and annoyed look. she shook her head. she had to talk to leah first, after that she could decide if she would allow herself back there.

"okay. bye olli.", he called, as he jumped from her chair and jogged out of her room with her brother hot on his heels. she shook her head. she had just as much energy as they had in their little toes.

......................

the day went by slow, even slower than usual. the tv had the nerve to stop working and olivia's mother was starting to get annoyed with everything around her. her job, her house, the dishes, the tv and her children. Olli didn't really blame herself, she had spent the whole day in her room, and was sure that she could not have possibly annoyed anyone.

Oh how wrong she was. her sister could get annoyed by anything. anything. and she truly loved her younger sister, but the fact that Sam and her whole pack had confronted her about her sister's absence, and asked her to talk to her, definitely ruined her mood. she felt like it was her fault that they had to miss her, pulling Olivia on her side after the breakup and away from emily. not like she was that close to anybody in the pack except her cousin. when Olli thought about them, she could only remember a few faces, a few names here and there, but she didn't miss anybody.

so when Leah stormed straight towards her the second she came home, she didn't really see the problem. yes, Leah was probably right. she should come to see Emily the next time she had the chance, but when she heard that everybody had been missing her, she got confused. "everybody? Sam?", Leah nodded her head. "Yeah, Sam. Paul's also a pain in my ass." Olivia rolled her eyes at that. "yeah I will come. Alright?"

she didn't feel excited about visiting them. not at all.

she didn't even know who them really were. she knew that her siblings and a few other teens hung around them a lot, she didn't understand why. she knew that seth never brought anybody home except Paul, and her sister was always careful with throwing names around, but she ignored it, trying to be happy for her siblings after all they had been through. she just wished she could be a little bit more like them.

let me know what you think!! reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback are highly appreciated <33

Taglist @lowkeysaurus

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rhoorl · 8 months

Text

Delta Landscaping | Chapter 6: Jeeps, Texts, and Sliders

Series Summary: In this AU, the boys of Delta Force start a new business post-Colombia.

Series Masterlist

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Word Count: 6.3k

Chapter Summary: We replay the day after Melissa’s party from the perspective of a couple of other characters before moving on.

Chapter Warning: A little smutty (fingering). Also a gray sweatpants reference (IYKYK). Reminder, I don’t have a beta for this, so any mistakes are all mine.

A/N: Many were curious about what Pope was up to so we’ll find out. Plus, a little bit of Katie and Will. Thanks to @trulybetty for a suggestion for one of the scenes! There are also a few Spanish phrases thrown in (for those who don't know, I'm Cuban-American, so the Hispanic references and characters throughout this story are particularly special to me). I have not included translations in text, but if you're curious I'm happy to translate anything!

David: Everyone alive and well?

Megan: I'm getting too old for this but it was a lot of fun. Right Katie 👀

Olivia: OMG Katie, Will is so hot! Please tell me you made out with him last night!

Katie: Hate to disappoint you Liv, but I didn't.

David: BOOOOO

Megan: Right?!

Katie: 🙄

Katie: Well, I will have you know that he's coming over for lunch today.

David: Oh he'll be coming alright 💦

Ty: LUCILLE IS ON THIS CHAT 🤦🏽‍♂️

Lucille: 😂

Olivia: Get it girl!!

David: Melissa? Earth to Melissa … are you there?

Ty: She's probably showing Danny how much she's gonna miss him. Two weeks is a long time 😏

________________

"Babe, do you know where my laptop charger is?" Danny frantically busted into the kitchen as Melissa fixed herself a coffee.

"It's right here," she pointed at the charger lying on the kitchen island.

"Oh shit, right in front of me. What time is it?" He looked at the clock on the oven which read 7:40 a.m. "Ok, Rodgers should be here by 8 so we can carpool to the airport."

"Nice, have everything packed?"

"Yup with the charger I have everything…and I still have some time to spare." He came around to where Melissa was standing, her back to him. He placed his arms around her on the counter, boxing her in. "How should we spend the time?" He nuzzled his head into her neck.

"It seems like you have an idea there captain," she felt a shiver down her spine as Danny started trailing kisses from under her ear, down her neck. "Baby, we don't have time," she giggled.

"I've done more with less time, you know that," his hand descended underneath the waistband of her sleep shorts, pushing her panties aside as his fingers dipped into her core. "Plus, it seems like you're already ready for me."

"Babe, mhmm, what's gotten into you," Melissa giggled as Danny collected some of her arousal and moved to slowly circle her clit.

"I'm gonna be gone for two weeks, I'll miss you. You gonna miss me?"

He trailed his fingers through her folds, teasing her a bit before pushing two fingers into her heat, the heel of his palm giving just enough friction as she bucked into it.

"Y-yea, I," Melissa mewled as she threw her head back, resting it on Danny's shoulder as he helped work her through the waves of her release. She turned in his arms, giving him a kiss. "Of course, I'm going to miss you. Two weeks is a long time," she pouted.

"I know, I'll be back before you know it. You'll go out with D and Ty and I'm sure the crew will get together, you'll keep yourself busy." He kissed her again and looked at the clock before giving a small fist pump. "And I still had five minutes to spare."

"Oh my gosh, you are ridiculous," Melissa laughed.

"Ah shit before I forget, could you go get an oil change for the Jeep while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And, not to be difficult, but could you take it to a different place? I know the guy at the last place ripped us off. Maybe check and see where Will takes his? I meant to ask him yesterday but forgot."

"Ok, yeah I'll head over there today to go ask him."

Honk

"That's Rodgers, gotta go. I'll text you when I make it to the hotel."

"Ok, I love you."

"Love you too."

After a quick kiss goodbye, Danny was off. Melissa watched as he got into his coworker's car, waving to both of them as they left.

"Two weeks," she sighed.

She checked her phone for the first time all morning and laughed as she caught up on the group chat.

Melissa: I’ll have you all know that Danny wished me a very nice goodbye as he left! 😉

David: Get it mama!

Olivia: You and Danny are just the cutest! 😍

Originally Melissa planned to take the day off to spend it wedding planning with David and Ty, but because of her recent cancellations, she now had the whole day free. So, she decided to be productive and clean the house. She changed out of her pajamas into a workout set, grabbed her headphones, turned on a Spotify station, and started picking things up.

Before she knew it, it was nearly lunchtime and the house was spotless. She made herself a salad and sat down on the couch to relax. When she finished, she walked over to the kitchen to put her bowl in the sink and saw Danny's keys on the counter.

"Shit, let me go ask Will before I forget."

She slipped on her shoes and headed out of the house, putting more pep in her step once she realized Will was home, seeing his Jeep parked in his driveway.

___________

When it came to sleeping, Santiago could sleep all day and still get a full eight hours at night. It drove the guys crazy, especially Will, but Santiago always rationalized it saying he was making up for all of the sleep that he was robbed of when they served.

This morning after Frankie's alarm went off Santiago was in no mood to get up, especially because he really had nowhere to be. Since getting back from his adventures around the globe, he hadn't been able to focus on what he wanted to do next. Helping Benny and Will with their new house was the only thing he really had that brought him a sense of purpose.

He slept like a rock after Frankie left and didn't wake up until a little after 11. He got up and sat on the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes. The house was quiet and as he padded out to the living room and saw no sign of Benny or Will.

His phone buzzed and he saw a series of missed texts from the guys. He gathered that Benny and Connor were at the gym and should be back soon. Will was out to pick up lunch for Katie before going over to her house and Frankie went to his meeting before heading to the airfield.

Santiago’s stomach grumbled so he opened the refrigerator pouting when he saw very few options. The boys had relied on Lucille for many of their recent meals, along with anything Frankie felt compelled to make. Thankfully, Benny always had a supply of sugary cereals in the pantry so he poured himself a bowl of Lucky Charms and sat at the dining room table.

A little while later he heard Will's Jeep rumble up the driveway. He waited for a second but when his friend didn't walk through the front door he decided to peer out through the window and saw Will making his way quickly down the sidewalk to Katie's house.

"Good luck," he smirked to himself.

He was about to head back into the room to throw a shirt on when he heard the doorbell ring. The guys didn't mention anything about someone dropping by so he again looked out the window, his stomach doing a flip when he saw Melissa standing at the front door.

She was dressed in navy blue high-waisted workout pants and a cropped racerback top of the same color, just a sliver of her skin showing. Her hair was in a ponytail and with a pair of silver-rimmed sunglasses perched atop her head.

Without thinking twice, he opened the door with a smirk, knowing she was going to be surprised to see him. Her jaw dropped and there was a sharp intake of breath as her eyes traced up and down his exposed torso. “S-Santiago! I, uh, I…is Will here?”

“No, he’s over at Katie’s, it’s just me.” He rubbed the back of his neck and then played with the silver chain around his neck.

“Oh, ah, ok. Well, never mind, didn’t mean to bother you.” She started to walk away.

“Sure there’s not something I could help you with?” He leaned against the doorframe.

“I was coming over here to ask Will for advice on an oil change.”

“An oil change?” His brows furrowed.

“Yeah, uh, Danny wanted me to get a…can you put a shirt on please?” She chewed her bottom lip as she nervously laughed.

Santiago smirked, “Sure, one sec. You can come in if you want.” He left the door open as he sauntered back to the spare room he and Frankie shared whenever they crashed.

Melissa timidly crossed the threshold, keeping the door open as she watched Santiago retreat into a room. He popped back just a moment later pulling a plain black T-shirt over his head.

“Can you concentrate better now?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the way the corners of her mouth turned up. “Like I was saying, Danny asked me to go get an oil change done on his Jeep while he was gone. Problem is, the guy we took it to last time was kind of a jerk and wanted to charge us for a bunch of stuff it didn’t need. I know Will has a Jeep, so I was curious where he goes.”

“Well, Will and Benny are the types of guys who do their oil changes themselves, Fish too for that matter.”

“What about you? You don’t like to get your hands dirty?” Now she was the one who leaned against the doorframe.

“Funny,” he gave her an up and down. “I do, just not with that. I know a guy, wanna go now?”

“Uh, like now now? Aren’t you…do any of you guys work?” She crossed her arms giving him a cheeky grin.

“We’re retired,” he said with a tight-lipped smile. “Besides, I could ask you the same question seeing as you’re here in the middle of the day.”

She shifted her weight onto one leg, putting her hand on her hip. “Well, for your information, I took the day off.”

“So you have time to do the oil change now then, huh? C’mon let’s go.” He grabbed his phone and wallet off the coffee table and headed out.

“You…wha-” Melissa stammered, frozen in place and unsure what to do.

“Vamos princesa.”

Santiago led the way back over to her house so she could grab the keys to the Jeep.

_________________

Lucille was driving back from the grocery store when she spotted Melissa and Santiago walking back toward Melissa’s house. She noticed them yesterday at the party, especially the lingering glances they each gave when the other wasn’t looking. Lucille made a mental note to bring this up to Francisco the next time she saw him.

_________________

The drive over to the auto shop was pleasant, Melissa laughing at Santiago as he told some grandiose story. When they arrived, he got out and spoke to the mechanic, Enrique, who was not subtle in the way he checked Melissa out.

Santiago admonished him and let Enrique know she spoke Spanish, in case he tried to say anything that was out of pocket. The man gave Santiago a hard time about dropping by unannounced but after a few moments of tense negotiations, he acquiesced and said he needed about an hour to get it done.

“Wanna get a coffee or something while we wait? There’s a good spot for Cuban coffee up a couple of blocks, we can walk.”

“Ok, yeah sure.”

As they walked over Santiago noticed Melissa fiddling with her engagement ring. “So, when’s the big day?”

“Ha, isn’t that the question of the year?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to...”

“No, no, it’s ok. I…just…I don’t know. It’s a lot of pressure. Have you ever been married?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “No, I haven’t.”

“Not even engaged?”

“I know, hard to believe,” he smirked. “No, ah the other guys have kind of scared me off of that if I’m honest,” he blushed as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t want to spill all of their secrets but…Will…he was engaged. Great girl, hell I was the one who introduced them. But he, he was dealing with some shit, hell we all were, and she was as supportive as she could be but she got to a breaking point and called things off. Then there’s Benny. The poor kid has had some shit luck. He almost proposed, had a ring and everything, and then, well, he didn’t get to do that. And Fish,” he sighed. “That shit was complicated from the beginning,” he nervously chuckled.

“Wow, sounds like you’ve all dealt with some stuff, huh?”

“Yea, only one of us who actually ever got married was T-...uh, yea, you can say we’ve dealt with some stuff.”

As they arrived at the coffee shop, Santiago opened the door for Melissa. Neither of them said anything as they looked at the menu.

“Know what you want?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

Santiago lightly put his hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the register as he followed. When she placed her order, he quickly placed his and handed the barista his card.

“Santiago, you don’t have to do that! You’re doing me a favor,” she laughed.

He playfully rolled his eyes at her as he took his card back, tapping the screen to leave a tip.

Once they settled into a table with their drinks, Melissa eyed Santiago. She wanted to follow up on their earlier discussion but was unsure how to do it. He clearly wanted to skirt past his own story in favor of that of his friends.

“Have something on your mind?” He finally broke the silence.

“You said the other guys scared you off…do you…d’you think you’ll ever get married?”

“Ah…well, I don’t know. I don’t want to say never, but I guess I’m not really looking for that right now,” he looked into her eyes and then focused his gaze down to his coffee cup, fiddling with the sleeve. “Are you excited to get married?”

“Uh….” Melissa fidgeted in her chair as she brushed her fingers through the end of her ponytail.

“I’ll take the lack of an immediate yes as a no?”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Well, I’m all ears,” he leaned back in his chair, looking her over.

“It’s just…Danny and I have been together for a long time. I love him, I really do, I just…I don’t know I feel like life has been kind of set for me rather than me like, I don’t know, making my own choices? That probably makes no sense, I’m making no sense,” she started to ramble.

“Hey,” he reached over and grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to have it all figured out.”

“I know, but it’s like everyone else has a timeline and expectations for me. I’m going to turn 30 in a couple of months and then I’m going to start getting more shit about my biological clock and…”

“Wait, you’re not even 30 yet?” Santiago coughed.

“No…”

“Oh, sorry, I just. I knew you were younger I just didn’t realize how much.”

“Well, how old are you?”

“It starts with a 4 and that’s all you need to know,” he smirked as she giggled.

“Ok viejo, so tell me, you’ve never had a serious relationship then?”

Santiago shifted in his seat before leaning forward, both forearms on the table. “I did, one. I’ve had one, although if you ask the guys they’ll tell you it’s more, but it was really just Sofia. But it uh, obviously, didn’t work out,” he gave a small tight smile. “It’s kind of a telenovela situation,” he laughed.

“Ha.”

The conversation quickly shifted to them chatting about the other guys, Santiago sharing some funny stories about each of them and Melissa laughed so hard she was almost crying. They both lost track of how much time had passed before Santiago’s phone rang and he saw it was Enrique calling to let him know the car was done.

“Time to head back princesa!” He tapped the table, getting up to pull her chair out.

Once they got the car, Melissa asked where he wanted her to drop him off. He said that Frankie’s house would be fine and directed her to the house. When she parked in the driveway, he hesitated for a moment before he got out.

“Hey, thanks for helping me out today, Danny is going to be so happy to hear I found a new spot.”

“You’re welcome, and if Enrique tries to give him a hard time in the future you call me ok,” he laughed.

“Sure,” she smiled as he started to get out. “Wait! Um…I…I don’t have your number. You know, in case he gives me a hard time.” She smirked as she handed him her phone.

“Right,” he took it and punched in his number, sending himself a text so he had hers.

“Well, see you later Santiago.”

______________________

Santiago had just cracked open a beer when he heard Frankie walk into the house from the garage.

“Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!” Frankie jumped when he turned the corner and saw Santiago. “You didn’t answer your phone, Will and Benny hadn’t heard from you… I was getting ready to go looking for you.”

“Sorry, I was busy, I didn’t want to be on my phone.”

“Hmm…ok,” Frankie took the beer Santiago offered him. “Busy doing what?”

“Stuff.”

Frankie laughed, “You know I know you better than anyone, so if you’re going to try and hide some shit from me you need to do a better job of it. I know all of your tells.”

Santiago rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, “Fine. But don’t get how you get.” Frankie put his hands up in surrender. “I was with Melissa…but not like that. I helped her with an oil change.”

Frankie narrowed his eyes as he took a swig from his beer. “That’s what we’re calling it these days? An oil change?”

“Fish, I swear to god, I took her to Enrique’s. She needed to get the car done while Danny was out and the last place ripped her off. She was coming over to ask Will where he takes the Jeep. Nothing else happened. ¿Me entiendes?”

Frankie raised his eyebrow and tilted his head as he stayed calm, taking a sip from his beer. Santiago’s defensiveness was not going unnoticed. “Entendido. You have to admit that it doesn’t look great, though. Did anyone see you?”

“No, we drove in her car and she dropped me off here. No one was out walking a dog or taking a kid around the block, ok? Relax.”

“I think you’re the one who needs to relax hermano,” Frankie shook his head. “We’re also going to need something stronger than beer.” He walked over to the cabinet to pull out a bottle of whiskey.

____________________

Katie’s Tuesday was much less eventful than the day before. By the time it was lunchtime, she couldn’t stand to be in the house anymore. Whenever she walked down her hallway or even looked at it, her mind flashed back to her steamy makeout session yesterday with Will. She was also extra frustrated since she had a less than pleasurable time with her vibrator this morning, wishing she had the real thing rather than the toy that had become an all-too-familiar fixture in her life as of late.

She was restless, sitting on the couch with her forearms restingon her knees, unsure how she wanted to spend the next hour.

“Fuck it.”

She stomped over to her room and changed into a more supportive sports bra, threw her running shoes on, grabbed her wireless headphones, and decided to head out for a jog around the neighborhood. She took up running following her divorce, finding it gave her the time and space to sort through all of the shit she had kept built up for years with Sebastian.

On her loop back to Mule Fall Court, she saw a blonde man in the distance, also running. As she got closer her stomach dropped realizing it was a very sweaty Will who was not wearing a shirt. He must have noticed her at the same time because he waved and crossed the street where Katie was.

“Hey,” he attempted to catch his breath while wiping his brow with his forearm.

“Hey! I didn’t realize there was someone else who was crazy like me and ran in the middle of the day in the summer.” Katie managed to get out while also trying to catch her breath.

“Ha yea, well, I missed out on going with Connor and Benny to the gym this morning and wanted to get my run in while I could,” he smiled at her, trying as discreetly as possible to check her out. “Um, hey in the rush to get out yesterday I realized I never got your number,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, so we could coordinate a time to come over with Connor.”

“Oh…oh yeah, sorry about that by the way…um, here,” she blushed as she motioned to Will’s phone.

He handed it over to her and she punched her phone number in and saved her contact as Neighbor Katie before handing the phone back to him.

“Ha, Neighbor Katie, huh? Well, here let me send you a text. Can I request you save my number as Neighbor Will?” he chuckled.

“I think I can manage that,” she laughed.

“Cool…well, sent.”

They both stared at each other for a few moments, unsure who was going to speak first. Finally, Will caved.

“Um, would you want to maybe go uh…wanna hang out sometime?”

“Hang out?” she smirked. “What do you mean by that?”

Will blushed, it had been a while since he’d asked a woman out on a date. “Ha, um…sorry, I’m bad at this.”

Katie felt a little rush, seeing how flustered Will was while also noticing how his ab muscles flexed when he laughed. “Are you asking me out on a date Will?”

“Ah…well, yeah. Yeah, I am. But if you don’t…”

“No I do,” she cut him off. “Yeah, let’s…hang out,” she smirked.

“Cool, well, I guess I’ll text you. Unless I run into you again.” He winked as he lightly bit his lower lip.

“Sounds good, Will, I’ll see ya.”

They both smiled as they parted ways, heading in opposite directions.

Katie walked into her house giddy at the idea of going out on a date with Will. Megan had tried setting her up on countless dates in recent months but no one ever really made her this excited. Will was a nice guy, and obviously easy on the eyes, and she liked being around him. Although he was quiet, it never felt like there were awkward silences with him.

She knew Megan would wring her neck if she didn’t immediately inform her about what just happened, so she opened up her text messages as she went to the fridge to refill her water bottle.

Katie: Holy shit. You’ll be so proud of me. I think I’m going on a date soon.

When she hit send she put the phone down and rummaged through her fridge to find some ingredients for a sandwich. She checked her phone and nearly dropped her plate when she realized what she had done.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Her face was red hot as she realized that had inadvertently texted Will instead of Megan who was typically the first thread in her text messages. She shot a quick glance out her living room window, cursing herself that she left the curtains all the way open this morning to bask in some of the sunlight. Although she didn’t see Will anywhere outside, she wasn’t sure if he was done running yet or not so she hid behind her kitchen island to be out of sight and dialed Megan.

“C’mon pick up pick up.”

“Hey, everything ok?”

“Fuck, Meg. I fucked up.”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down. What happened? Are you ok?”

“Physically yes. But I’m fucking mortified. I…ugh shit he just read it!” Katie let out an exasperated sigh.

“What are you talking about? Do you need me to come over there? Did Seb call you?”

Katie talked a mile a minute to get everything out to Megan, telling her about how she met Will and they exchanged numbers and made plans to go out on a date. Megan’s first reaction was to laugh, which made Katie whine even more.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry…you have to admit this is kind of funny and so something you would do,” Megan continued to chuckle as she typed away on her computer. “Has he responded yet?”

“Ugh, no he hasn’t…wait, there’s bubbles, he’s typing.”

________________

Will lightly jogged back to his driveway as he heard the roar of the engine of Benny’s TransAm coming up the street. He greeted his brother and Connor and the three of them headed inside to eat.

“How was your run,” Benny called out as he walked into his room to change out of his sweaty clothes.

“Actually pretty good, I…uh…I got Katie’s number.”

“No way man, that’s awesome,” Connor slapped him on the shoulder, making Will chuckle at the boy’s enthusiasm and apparent investment in his, and Katie’s, love life.

Will’s phone dinged, but he ignored it, figuring it was probably Pope adding some stupid joke to the guys’ group chat.

Benny came back around the corner pulling his shirt over his head with his very well-worn slouchy gray sweatpants slung low on his waist. “Oh shit, no way. You didn’t get that yesterday? I mean after you kissed her and grabbed her-”

“Hey, hey,” he interrupted his brother, cutting his eyes over at Connor.

“I’m not in elementary school, I’ve hooked up with girls before,” Connor straightened up, puffing out his chest a bit.

“Girls, plural?” Benny smirked.

“Ok, girl. Just one girl. It was freshman year and we kept our clothes on, but it still counts ok!”

“Yeah, buddy, it’s all good,” Benny chuckled. “But seriously, Will, do you have any plans to see her? Ya’ll going out on a date or something? Shit, when’s the last time you went out on a date?”

“Could ask you the same question asshole,” Will snapped back, picking up his phone. “Oh shit. Hey, look.” Will unlocked his phone and showed Benny and Connor the text that came in from Katie. “That…that wasn’t meant for me right?”

“Oh, that was probably for my mom, they text each other literally all day every day.”

“Shit, she’s probably really embarrassed.”

“C’mon let’s fuck with her, give her a hard time,” Benny took the phone from Will, starting to compose a message.

Will wrestled the phone out of his brother’s hands, annoyed that Benny’s longer arms made it hard for him to get to the phone. “Stop it. Ok…let’s not give her too hard of a time, but let’s have some fun.” Will smiled, which made Benny whoop with laughter.

___________________

Neighbor Will: Going on a date soon, huh? Nice. Who’s the lucky guy?

Katie read the text out loud practically as it was delivered. “Ok, so he didn’t immediately think I was a complete weirdo, that’s a good sign, right?”

“Babe, you just probably gave him such a big ego boost, he’s got to be loving this. Be a little flirty back, c’mon.”

They debated back and forth on what to text next, letting the rest of the conversation play out, giggling like they were in high school.

Katie: Oh, just some guy who I met recently. He’s pretty good-looking.

Neighbor Will: Good looking, huh?

Katie: A little. 😉

Neighbor Will: Like good looking as in handsome? Or good looking as in hot?

Katie: That’s my secret…

Neighbor Will: So when’s this date? Gotta make sure this guy is legit.

Katie: I don’t know, we haven’t decided yet.

Neighbor Will: Fridays always seem to be a good day.

Katie: Very true. Seems like a good way to end the week.

Neighbor Will: Well, maybe your date can come up with a fun idea for you two between now and then.

Katie: He seems like a planner, so I have no doubt.

Neighbor Will: Well, it sounds like you have a date.

Neighbor Will: Pick you up at 7? 😉

Katie: Sure, sounds good.

“See! Now if that wasn’t a great recovery then I don’t know what it is!” Megan cheered Katie on over the phone.

“Holy shit, I’m going to need a drink.”

“I got you sister. I’m putting a bottle of wine in the fridge right now! Come over after work! I’ll call in some reinforcements.”

____________________

Promptly at 5 p.m., closed her laptop and got a little bag together to head over to Megan’s complete with some cheese, crackers, and olives. Throughout the afternoon various members of the Neighborhood Watch popped into the group chat saying they were free to come over for an impromptu get-together.

Katie knew her texting faux pas was going to be a subject of conversation and while the attention would normally make her want to crawl into a hole, she knew the crew would make her laugh and lift her spirits. She was already bracing for whatever smartass comment David was sure to give her, but she was ready for it – she needed to be around her friends.

As she made her way up Megan’s porch, the door swung open. Connor was on the other side, his eyes going wide when he saw Katie.

“Hey C!”

His eyes grew wide and he gulped. “H-hey Ms. Katie.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah…sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see you…um, I’m going to go see Will.” he blurted out.

“Oh…ok cool. Having a guys’ night then huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows trying to lighten the mood.

“Yea. I…um…I’m gonna go.”

“Ok C, I’ll see ya. Hey, you good to come over to my house on Saturday to build some stuff? Don’t feel like you have to.”

“No, I mean, yeah I’ll be there. I don’t mind Ms. Katie. I told you I’d help.”

“Alrighty bud, I’ll see ya.”

Katie closed to door and walked in on Megan who was pulling a dish out of the oven.

“Holy shit that smells good, what is that?”

“Oh hey babe, it’s this garlic and herb baked brie thing I found on Pinterest. Did you see Connor on his way out? He was supposed to take over these buffalo chicken sliders I made for the guys. They’re apparently going to teach Connor how to play poker tonight,” she chuckled.

“Ha, oh jeez. Yeah, I saw him. He was kinda awkward with me though, it’s like he saw a ghost or something when he saw me.” She tried to snag a bite of the brie but Megan swatted her hand away.

“Everyone will be here soon, wait! And uh…yea, about that. Apparently, he was over at Will’s today when you guys were texting.”

“Well, it’s not like a sent a picture of my tits or anything…”

“I know, but he felt bad that you may have been embarrassed, you know how he is.”

“Oh I know, our sweet little Connie bear. How’re things going with him and Aria?”

“Good, I think. I’m trying to not ask Benny a ton of questions, but I’m dying to know more.”

“Ooo…Benny huh?’ Katie teased, arching one of her eyebrows. “He’s hot as fuck Meg, you thought about doing anything about that?”

Megan rolled her eyes, “For starters, he’s like 10 years younger than me and I see him like a little brother, ew.”

Katie wasn’t convinced but didn’t press the issue as she heard the door open.

“Party’s here!” David shouted as he danced through the front door, a bottle of sparkling wine in his hand as Ty followed carrying a couple of containers for Lucille who was trailing behind them.

The five of them chitchatted while they waited for Melissa and Olivia to arrive, politely waiting to dig into the spread until David broke the tension and started fixing himself a plate. “Look we said be here by 7, I know Liv is probably dealing with bedtime and shit, but Melissa has no excuse. They can’t be mad that we started eating.”

Almost on cue, Melissa strolled through the front door carrying some fresh-baked cookies.

“Liv texted, one of the twins is sick so she can’t make it,” Megan let the group know as they all sat around the living room with their snacks and drinks.

“Katie, I am dying to know what your last like 36 hours have been like. Please dish!” Ty teased.

She reluctantly rehashed her lunch date, going in more detail than she was planning on thanks to very specific questions from David. When she finally got to the part where she accidentally texted him, they all nearly spit out their drinks.

“Oh shit, Katie…that would happen to you,” Melissa chuckled.

“It was so fucking embarrassing,” Katie put her head in her hands.

“Why mi cielo? So he knows you were excited to go out on a date, what’s the harm in that?” Lucille rubbed Katie’s back. “He’s so handsome, have some fun!”

“Thank you, Lulu, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell her!” Megan cheered.

“Well, cheers to your date and hopefully getting some dick!” David raised his glass as everyone else groaned and rolled their eyes.

_________________

“Ok, so a full house is better than a flush?” Connor looked at his cards confused, showing them to Benny who was sitting to his right.

“Lemme see…” Benny peered over at his hand. “Yeah, you have a full house which would be better than a flush, but unfortunately I have you beat,” he laid down his cards. “Straight flush.”

The rest of the guys groaned as Benny fist pumped, winning his fifth-straight hand.

“How about we take a break, huh? Refill drinks?” Frankie asked as he got up.

“No fair Fish, you’re just mad that you’re losing.” Benny huffed.

Connor and Will also pushed back from the table to head to the refrigerator, Santiago and Benny following.

“Pizza should be here soon,” Will said as he checked his phone.

“Ugh,” Connor shook his head. “My mom made some slider things for me to bring and I forgot to bring them. I was a little distracted on the way out.”

“Did Aria text you or something?” Benny asked as he took a swig of his beer.

“No, uh, Katie came by. They’re all having a get-together.”

“Probably to talk about you güero,” Santiago slapped Will on the chest. “Connor, you think they’re going to be there a while?”

“At my house? I mean, it won’t be super late, but they’re still there now.”

“C’mon Will, let’s go get our…what were they Connor, sliders?” Santiago confirmed with Connor before he and a reluctant Will made their way across the street.

_______________

“So Lulu, any chisme you care to share with us?” Ty asked.

“Well, actually yes. I saw Ethan today, he showed 306 to a family as a favor to one of his realtor friends.”

“Oooo did you see the people?” Melissa asked, curious who her new neighbors may be.

“Just from afar, it was a family, a couple and they had two kids with them.”

“Were they hot?” David asked as Ty playfully slapped him on the forearm.

“I couldn’t get as close of a look as I wanted, but the husband kind of reminded me of Francisco, just with shorter hair and no beard and wearing a suit.”

The group was laughing in the living room when they heard the doorbell ring.

“Do you think that’s Liv?” Melissa asked.

“Nah, none of you ring the doorbell anymore,” Megan chuckled as she walked over to see who was at her front door. “Oh…hey boys! Come on in.” She ushered Santiago and Will inside, shushing Bucky who started barking at the visitors. “Oh stop it, you know them.”

Katie’s eyes widened and the sight of Will who was rubbing the back of his neck as he walked behind Santiago who confidently strolled into the room.

Lucille flashed a quick glance over to Melissa who straightened up at the sight of Santiago while smoothing down her hair.

“Hey everyone, so sorry to intrude on your uh…party, but Megan, Connor mentioned there was something he forgot to bring over,” Santiago flashed a charming smile.

“Oh yeah! I actually have them still on the stove so they should be a little warm, may just have to pop them in the microwave for a few before you serve them. Katie, can you help me,” Megan nodded to her friend to join her in the kitchen as the rest of the crew made small talk with the guys.

“What the fuck,” Katie whispered to Megan as they got to the kitchen.

“Aww what…Will wanted to come and see you,” Megan teased as she wrapped aluminum foil onto the platter. “You should see the way he was looking at you. Here take this to your man.”

“He’s not my man,” Katie rolled her eyes, yelping a bit as Megan slapped her on the ass as she walked out of the kitchen.

As they walked back into the living room, David and Santiago were cracking jokes back and forth.

“Here you go,” Katie announced, walking towards Will.

“Thanks,” he smiled as he inhaled sharply as their fingers brushed against each other when she handed over the tray. “Didn’t mean to bother you all, we’ll get going. Promise we won’t have Connor over too late Meg.”

“All good, it’s the summer so he can stay out as late as he wants!” Megan waved them off.

“Ok, well, still. We’ll make sure he gets back. You have a great night,” Will said to everyone but looked at Katie with a smile.

A/N: For some reason, I was having trouble with this chapter, but I eventually got it to a place I liked, so I hope you like it too!

When the two men finally walked out, the group stayed quiet for about 10 seconds before they started whooping and hollering about their unexpected, but very welcome, visitors.

Next chapter

Let me know if you want to be on the tag list moving forward!! Apologies if I accidentally left you off, I do all of this manually so I'm sure I've messed something up!

@goodwithcheese / @gemmahale / @trulybetty / @patti7dc / @periodtsparadox / @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin / @maggiemayhemnj / @mysterious-moonstruck-musings / @avastrasposts/ @meveispunk / @chaoticfestninja / @beholdbebravethings / @casa-boiardi / @katw474 / @linzels-blog / @laughing-in-th3-purple-rain / @pimosworld / @lynnchun / @anoverwhelmingdin /@lilmizmoz / @pedrit0-pascalit0 / @titlee78 / @noisynightmarepoetry / @inept-the-magnificent / @perennialdoll247 / @for-a-longlongtime / @readingiskeepingmegoing / @harriedandharrassed / @musings-of-a-rose / @anavatazes / @sherala007 / @midnightraain / @partyofone3413

#delta landscaping #triple frontier boys #triple frontier fic #santiago garcia #will miller

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neowinestainedress · 2 years

Text

enough for you | lee haechan

title: enough for you | sequel to traitor

pairing: ex!lee haechan x oc/fem reader (no descriptions, no name, written in third person) | side members: huang renjun, lee jeno

genre: angst, song-fic, friends to lovers to exes, (a bit of) fluff, happy ending | requested and inspired by enough for you by olivia rodrigo

summary: all she ever wanted was to be enough for Haechan, even now that they aren’t together anymore. Until someone opens her eyes and makes her realize that she is already enough the way she is.

warnings: angst (but it's not that bad, it's more focused on the healing process)

words: 5.002k

a/n: i hope you’ll like it! let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks ♡

Looking back at what had been between her and Haechan she should’ve known. Should’ve seen some red flags before, instead of being so surprised when everything crumbled apart.

Sure, it was all there. But she didn’t feel like blaming herself too much when he did nothing but fool her. She had no idea what kind of Haechan she would’ve had in front of her, every day changing into someone she didn’t know.

But she loved him. Deeply, too much to really hate that push and pull. She loved him too much to see how much all that was getting to her head.

And even now that Haechan wasn’t hers anymore, now that they broke up, those doubts filled her mind.

Her confidence had crumbled into pieces, it was worse than when they started dating when he had to whisper sweet words to her hear and tell her how beautiful he found her.

“Why are you changing so much?” Renjun asked her when he met her in the corridors of their campus.

“What are you talking about?” She asked, fixing her bag full of books on her shoulder, and starting to walk to the library with her friend.

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t,” she replied, chuckling.

“You never wore make-up,” he pointed out. Renjun wanted to add ‘not that style, not the kind of make-up Bora wears,’ but didn’t. She knew it.

She sighed, pushing the heavy door and waiting for him to walk inside. “Wanted to change,” she shrugged. “New break-up, new me.”

“Sure,” he huffed, pulling out a chair for her before sitting next to her. “You’re just hurting yourself.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, hiding her face in her bag to look for the books they needed to study.

“You gave him everything you had to give,” Renjun said. “If he’s dumb and doesn’t see the value in you it’s not your fault.”

She lifted her face, glaring at him. “I’m doing this for myself.”

“Yeah, just like you started going to the arcade for you, right?” He asked, placing his elbows on the table, staring at her, making her roll her eyes. “Jeno saw you, you were more concentrated on Bora and Haechan laughing because she got herself killed every two seconds than your own game.”

She wanted to deny it, but she knew there was no point. She saw Jeno too, they made eye contact and then drifted away, but it was too late. And neither he nor Renjun were dumb to don’t know she didn’t care about video games at all.

“He never let me play with him,” she confessed. “He always got mad at me because I wasn’t good. And now he’s laughing with her for the same mistakes I made.”

“And knowing it will make you feel better?”

She chewed her lower lips, head lowered as she pulled a hangnail on her thumb. “No, but I don’t understand. How can she be so much more exciting than me? What does she have that I don’t?”

“He’s an asshole, that’s the only answer you need to give yourself,” Renjun insisted.

“No,” she replied. “You know her better than me, you don’t have to lie. I know she’s more exciting. It took me one night to get she had everything to swipe him off his feet.”

“Her being interesting doesn’t make you less.”

She hummed. Of course, Renjun was going to say something like this to her, but she didn’t want his pity. She didn’t even know what she wanted. No, she knew. She wanted Haechan back and that was something she couldn’t have.

“Let’s study,” she said, opening the first book. “I don’t want to think about him.”

But she thought about him a lot, more than she should’ve.

Every time that she was in her kitchen preparing coffee, she couldn’t help but remember their mornings together.

“I promise coffee is not that bad,” she laughed at Haechan’s disgusted face as he pushed the cup back.

“That’s like a shot of venom,” he said, trying to clean his tongue and get rid of the strong flavor.

“It’s an espresso, of course, it’s strong,” she said before turning around and opening the fridge. “Wait, let me make it better.”

“Yeah, throw it away.”

She rolled her eyes, sitting next to him and pouring the milk into the small cup. “Drink it now, come on.”

Haechan lifted his eyes on her, a furrow on his face, and then hesitantly grabbed the cup. “Just because it’s you,” he said before bringing it to his lips, tongue sticking out to try to taste just a bit before drinking it all.

“So?” She asked, big bright eyes looking at him with hope.

He sighed. “Hate to prove you right, but it’s good.”

She clapped, letting out a squeal, “I told you! You never trust me.”

“You nearly killed me before.”

“I’d never kill you, I can’t live without you.”

And it was true. Because now that he was gone it felt like she was carrying around an empty shell of her body. And she hated the way his favorite songs popped in her mind at the most random times. And she could still hear his angelic voice singing over them when he would let her lay her head against his chest and she could feel it vibrate and then drift to sleep into his hold while his voice lulled her.

She couldn’t move on when he was in every corner of her house. She still had those self-help books she bought just to impress him, to make him think she was smart. Like she had to prove something to him when her history major was going so well, when she always aced everything since she was six. It still wasn’t enough. Somehow Haechan always found a way to don’t make her feel smart enough.

“It’s not like you’re not smart,” he said, resting on the couch with one leg falling out, dangling back and forth. “You’re too emotional. You let that part of you get the best of you and you end up looking stupid.”

“There’s nothing wrong with emotions,” she retorted, trying to push away the painful emotion she felt at his words.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You panic over anything. The other day you got mad at me just because I was a bit more annoyed over the phone.”

“Lately you are always annoyed,” she replied. “And not only over the phone.”

“I told you, I’m tired,” he cut her off. “Anyway, you should read some self-help books, they might help you.”

And she did, she listened. Starting from one and then reading so many more just to make him happy. But it wasn’t like they worked. She kept being her paranoic, obsessive little self because Haechan gave her enough reasons to be. No book was going to take away the way he acted and how much he pushed her back.

“I thought you were smarter than this.”

The last person she expected to ever talk to her approached her one day, making her turn around with a furrow on her face.

“Shouldn’t you be at your table with your friends?” She asked when Jeno sat next to her in the university cafeteria, ignoring his words because she couldn’t get what he wanted from her, and she couldn’t care about it either.

“Don’t want to deal with Bora and Haechan stuffing their tongues in each other mouths,” he said, making her gag just imagining them so close. “You were much less annoying.”

“Is this a way to slap to my face how much better he’s doing without me?”

Jeno shrugged, grabbing his chopsticks and starting to eat. “No,” he mumbled after swallowing. “I told you, I don’t get why you’re still obsessing over him.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes when she got that he had no intention to leave her alone, and started to eat too. “I don’t care about him.”

Jeno almost choked from laughing at what she said. “Please, be serious,” he said, looking at her up and down. “Look at you, baggy pants, neon tops, sneakers? What happened to your dresses and skirts and pastel colors? From looking like a fairy to looking like a hip-hop dancer.”

“People can’t change?” She asked, tilting her head to look at him, still trying to understand what he wanted from her and why out of all the people he cared.

“Sure,” he said, “but it would be less embarrassing if you didn’t try to be her copy.”

She placed the chopsticks down and turned to him. “Leave.”

“No,” he retorted, turning to face her. “He’s not worth it. He’s not worth none of the hurt you’re putting yourself through.”

“You are his friend, not mine,” she said, not getting why he was acting like that. Were those words coming from Haechan? Maybe he saw her changes and found her annoying once again but didn’t dare to confront her?

“I know, and I also told you I can’t stand them.”

“Sure, it didn’t seem like you couldn’t stand her when he was dating me,” she huffed, going back to her food.

“I guess he made you feel incredibly insecure, but,” he said, stopping for a moment because he didn’t know how to let her know what he thought without looking weird. “You are interesting. And you’re not annoying or whatever he made you believe,” he confessed.

She stopped eating again, looking at Jeno with a furrow on her face. “Do you have a fever by chance?”

“Oh, shut up,” he groaned, slapping her hand away from his forehead. “I’m serious.”

“How do you know?” They never talked much, well, now that she thought about it, they never went past greetings and other small talks when they ended up being alone during their group hangouts.

“You don’t want to know,” he said, drifting his gaze from her.

“Oh, no, I do. You sound like a stalker.”

“I’m not, you can be sure about that,” he defended himself immediately.

“Then what it is? I don’t need your sympathy or worse your pity, Jeno. I already have Renjun filling me up with bullshits to make me feel better and trust me, it doesn’t work,” she snapped, raising her voice, making him look around, panicking when people turned around to look at them.

“I didn’t eat,” she whined, barely grabbing her bag and trying to don’t fall on her steps as she hardly followed him when he grabbed her wrist and dragged her outside.

“We’ll skip the last lessons and I’ll pay for something outside,” he said, starting to walk out of campus, still holding her hand.

“Jeno, what the hell,” she complained but then gave up. She couldn’t care less about university either, two hours skipped weren’t going to make her fail.

“I know,” he whispered once they were outside of the garden, walking through Seoul, his hands hidden in the pockets of his jeans, his backpack on one shoulder, and his black hair hiding his face.

“Yeah, how?” She asked, getting inside of his car once they reached it, not even sure why she was following him and maybe ending up getting more hurt than she already was.

“Is there something of your heart left to break?” He asked, lifting his eyes to meet hers and when she looked behind him, he got that yes, there was something more to break. “Nevermind.”

“I want to know anyway,” she begged, grabbing his arm without thinking before letting him go, pulling away.

Jeno sighed, starting the car and driving to a place where they could eat. “Haechan talked a lot about you…” he confessed. “And not always in a positive way.”

She was expecting to feel pain, to hurt more, but maybe there truly was nothing left of her heart to break. There was nothing left of her that Haechan could break because he had already destroyed everything. Her heart, her confidence, her passions, her intelligence.

“I honestly couldn’t get half of the critiques about you,” he admitted, his gaze was concentrated on the street, but she felt a weird nervousness in his voice, and she couldn’t understand why. He always seemed like the confident type, and he wasn’t her friend, so he had no reason to be afraid of hurting her. But she shrugged it off, she, unfortunately, had other things to worry about, like her ex-boyfriend talking shit behind her back when they were together. “A bit because you seemed the total opposite of what he used to tell and also because I couldn’t find flaws in many of the things he hated about you.”

“Hated?” She asked, a look of disbelief on her face. Over the past months, she had come to the conclusion he couldn’t stand her anymore, but she never thought Haechan hated her.

Jeno nodded, not daring to turn around and see her wrecked face. “Maybe your story became too much,” he guessed. He truly couldn’t comprehend how they fell apart. He was there since the start and imagined them to be together for eternity. She had been by Haechan’s side when nobody else was and Jeno couldn’t understand how Haechan could be so stupid to let her go, especially like this. And he couldn’t get an answer from his friend. Not that he asked, it wasn’t his business after all.

“What did he hate about me?” She dared to ask, looking down at her thighs because she felt tears at the corner of her eyes. But they threatened to fall even harder because Jeno was right, she looked pathetic trying to be Bora. She hated those clothes. She wasn’t like her. She wasn’t the kind of girl Haechan wanted and no matter all the clothes she could change, or lipsticks on her face, she was never going to be her.

“Why would you do this to yourself?” He asked, parking the car before signaling her they had arrived.

“You started talking to me,” she reminded him, closing the car door behind and following him as they walked toward the place.

“And not to hurt you,” he said, scratching his neck, and she saw his mouth open again to say something, but no other words came out of his lips.

“Then why?”

He shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “Because I think you’re smarter than this dumb thing of trying to be a copy of her. And because…nothing. We’re here,” he said, turning left and pushing the door open before looking for an empty table.

“No, finish,” she insisted, sitting in front of him, and now it was harder to escape her interrogating gaze.

“Because you deserve better than him,” Jeno confessed, cheeks reddening.

“I will never have him back,” she replied with a bitter chuckle as she felt her heart clench as the realization hit her again.

“That’s why I wish you stopped acting like this,” he said before handing her the menu. “It’s on me, get whatever you want,” he added. “What?” He asked when a smile curled her lips and she hid her face behind the papers.

“Nothing,” she mumbled. “I thought you hated me and here you are, paying for my lunch, trying to wake me up from my fantasies about my ex.”

“You thought I hated you?” He asked, raising a brow, eyes widening in surprise.

“Let’s say you weren’t the most welcoming of his friends,” she explained, smiling at him again before focusing on the menu.

“Let’s say you’re not good at reading people considering how you let him treat you,” he whispered but she heard anyway.

“You do stupid things when you want to keep somebody by your side,” she replied, but she wasn’t mad, not at Jeno at least, because he wasn’t wrong. She was terrible at reading people, especially when she loved them.

“Yeah, but now?”

She hesitated before answering, “I know… but I can’t help but still want to be enough for him. I meant too much for him. I have no idea how I…” she had to stop, feeling her eyes wet again and a gulp form in her throat. “I don’t get how he couldn’t care less about someone that loved him so deeply. I don’t get how after everything that tied us he could forget me that easily.”

Jeno nodded. “I don’t get it either. And I know you don’t want me to be the one saying those things but as I said before, you don’t deserve all this pain.”

“I don’t know how to make it go away,” she confessed. “I don’t know how to make him go away.”

“Or maybe you didn’t even try,” Jeno whispered with a hesitant voice, shily meeting her eyes, and feeling his heart clench seeing that they were off, nothing of her old bright eyes was there anymore.

“I just… I want myself back but I feel that he’s such a big part of me and I know this is wrong, but he took so much of me, Jeno. I cannot erase so many years of my life in the blink of an eye.”

And he wanted to tell her that yes, she could, just like he did. He wanted to tell her that the way he moved on so easily should’ve been enough for her to do the same or to at least don’t let him have so much power over her. But when he looked in front of him and saw her shaking as she tried to hold back the tears, he realised that Haechan was right. She was too emotional for this, too emotional for his careless way. She loved too much and Haechan didn’t know how to deal with so much love. Now that she looked at him, apologizing when a tear rolled down her cheek and ranting about how pathetic she looked and how weird this all was, he realized why she and Haechan didn’t last.

“Hey,” Jeno called her, grabbing her hand that was moving frenetically to fix the bottle with flowers she made fall by mistake, “look at me. It’s alright,” he said, smiling before he wiped her tears away. “Why don’t we eat without thinking about him?”

She nodded, slumping back in the seat, hating herself a bit more because she wasn’t so sure she could’ve avoided thinking about Haechan. Not now that she knew that he truly started slipping out of her hold much longer than that and only God knew how many other girls made him turn his head because she had never been enough for him. Because she was not enough and too much at the same time and she had no idea how to deal with it. Jeno was wrong when he said that their story became too much. The heavy thing that dragged them to the bottom of the sea was her. She was too much to take and at the first chance Haechan got, he ran away.

But weirdly enough Jeno was good at keeping her mind off her ex. He listened to her, something nobody did in ages. And he was funny, unlike the times they hung out together and his jokes never hit. Sure, it wasn’t the kind of humor that anybody could get, but right now it was enough to make her crack a laugh and feel her heart less heavy.

And with time, it turned out that Jeno in general was really good at don’t make her think about Haechan. She had no idea when they started hanging out so much, probably after he had asked for help for a class he was about to fail because he couldn’t even memorize the basis and they spent afternoons in the library studying, occasionally with Renjun’s company, that was finally happy to see that she didn’t look so heartbroken anymore.

“So, you’re finally stepping out of the house without me dragging you by the hair,” Renjun joked, they were sitting on the sidewalk while they waited for Jeno to bring them their orders from the street food stand in Hongdae. “And most importantly,” he said, looking at her dress and the make-up on her face, “you got back to being yourself.”

“You were right, it was dumb trying to be like her,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder. “Also, I look better in pink than in bright colors.”

Renjun chuckled, and then asked, “And your heart? Got back to beat for someone else?” He pointed his head to Jeno that briefly turned around to smile at them while he waited in line.

“What are you talking about?” She asked, pushing him off.

“You know what I mean.”

She rolled her eyes. “He’s just a good friend, like you.”

“Are you sure?”

She hummed, biting her nails, before saying, “I’m getting back up on my feet, but I’m still hurt, Injunnie. And…sometimes I still think about you know who.”

Renjun laughed before pinching her cheek. “Take your time, baby. And, next time, fall for someone that won’t hurt you this bad.”

“That someone that hurt me that bad is your friend.”

“And? You have no idea how much I fought with him for the way he treated you.”

Before she could say anything else, Jeno came back.

“Teobokki for my favorite girl,” he said, handing her the cup, making her lower her head and mumble a low ‘thanks’ and then he turned to Renjun, “and a tornado potato for you.”

“Thanks,” Renjun said. “Should we start walking again?”

The other two hummed and started walking through Hongdae again to enjoy more local singers or dancers covering songs. But she couldn’t help but think about what Renjun had told her.

She wasn’t feeling anything for Jeno, right? No, of that she was sure, at least, she believed her heart was too wounded and broken to start beating again. And she also knew that when she occasionally crossed Haechan she could feel a weird sensation in her stomach, but she couldn’t tear the butterflies and the venom apart.

On the other hand, she knew that Jeno made her feel good. But she couldn’t call it love.

She liked the way he would rest his face on his crossed arms and listen to her talk no sense for hours, his eyes crinkling up every time he laughed or smiled at something she said.

She liked the way he never made her feel stupid, even when her emotions would take over and tears fell a bit too easily from her eyes.

She liked the way he listened to her repeat for her history exams and didn’t find it boring even if she knew that it was terribly boring for him and he couldn’t care less about wars, politics, and social dynamics all around the world.

She liked hearing him talk about dance without mocking her when she didn’t understand some specific terms, or when they tried choreographies together and she couldn’t keep up with him. Most of the time it lead to them laughing on the floor like fools while they struggled to breathe from the laughs and the fatigue. And when she laid there, at his side, so close to him feeling light, she could feel her heart beat just a bit faster than usual. And maybe her stomach twisted when he turned around and smiled at her, his shaky hands moving a strand of hair out of her face.

But it was too soon, it definitely wasn’t love, and she couldn’t jump into another relationship without looking. She couldn’t use him as a replacement, she couldn’t hurt him when she was the first one to know how painful being used and betrayed was, so she left Jeno there, in the back of her heart, under the ‘friend’ label because she knew she wasn’t ready for another heartbreak.

“So, Jeno’s the lucky one.”

When she heard those words and that voice she felt her heart drop to the floor, her stomach clenched uncomfortably and she felt struck on the spot. But she still turned around, the lights of the party weren’t enough to don’t make her see Haechan standing there behind her, unfortunately for her with the same handsome face of always. And the music wasn’t loud enough for her to pretend she didn’t hear him.

“Jealous?” She asked, tilting her head and holding the glass in her fingers tighter.

“I just think that it’s just a low move to go with one of my closest friends,” he said.

She laughed, not a chuckle or a smile, a laugh, loud enough to make some others at the party turn around and stare at them before Haechan glared them off. “You talk about what’s a low move or not. You have some gut to come here and teach me a lesson.”

“You broke up with me,” he replied.

“Of course,” she chuckled, shaking her head, “how long has it been? Two months since we spoke last and you still don’t get it, you still don’t get all the pain you put me through.”

“I told you, I never cheated,” he said, taking a step forward but she stopped him with a glare.

“Yeah, because cheating is the only painful thing you can do, right? Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? Not even respect. I’m not asking you to love me, I don’t need it anymore. No, worse, I don’t want it anymore. But you could at least stop coming in between my happiness. Why are you mad? Because your best friend can give me all the love you were never able to give me?”

“I loved you and you know it. You can’t delete five years of our story just for someone that arrived in your life in what? Two months?” He told her and when she looked at him with a serious face, eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face, it hit him. That was exactly what he did to her but two weeks after they broke things off. He was getting mad at her for the same thing he did, but he did even worse, he hurt her more than she could ever do now.

“So, is it clear now? Do you feel at least half of the pain I felt? Do you feel betrayed like I felt?”

Haechan didn’t answer, he stood there, staring at her while all his mistakes crumbled on his shoulders and pushed him to the ground. He was the reason their story fell apart. He had hurt her. He had betrayed her. And he couldn’t get mad at her for moving on with anybody else, not even if it was Jeno, not even if that meant seeing them together all the time.

That was her payback, and all of a sudden, he realized he had no more reasons to be mad. And probably, it would’ve been better if he simply avoided approaching her in the first place. But he did that, and they were there now, and he deserved it, he deserved to feel all the humiliation he was feeling right now.

But she was glad he did. Sure, those past months not talking to him helped her, but this conversation made him realize what he had put her through. And she loved to see that he was finally bleeding too. Sure, revenge wasn’t a virtue, but she couldn’t care. She was tired of his smug smile, of his confidence when he broke her apart. She was tired of seeing him walking around like a God without realizing all the pain he was causing.

And right now, in front of her, there was a broken-hearted Haechan and she had no idea if he was regretting it because he missed her, because he had realized that Bora couldn’t give him what she gave him, or if simply because he didn’t like losing and his pride now was eating him alive. Knowing him, well, finding out over time who he truly was, she would’ve bet on the latter, but she truly didn’t care.

Haechan wasn’t her problem anymore.

She was done with this story, with him, with his lies, and his games.

And since he seemed to have no intention to talk again, she started walking past him. She had a party to go back to, and an entire night to dance between arms that weren’t his, between the arms of someone that made her feel good and enough. A feeling she had forgotten all these years by his side.

“And for your information,” she said, turning around again because she needed to put an end to this with a light heart, “between me and Jeno there’s nothing. But who knows, someday I’ll be everything to somebody else. And they’ll think that I’m so exciting. And maybe then, only then, you will be the one who’s crying.”

Haechan didn’t dare to meet her eyes, the floor wouldn’t have hurt as much as meeting her cold heart would’ve, the floor couldn’t remind him that she wasn’t his anymore and it was all his fault.

“All I ever wanted was to be enough for you, Haechan,” she said, looking into his eyes when he lifted them, and not feeling pain, not feeling anything anymore. “But thanks to you I found out I was already enough for someone else. And I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to hurt myself just to keep them. They don’t leave me all alone crying, wondering what I did wrong.”

“You were enough for me,” he tried to stop her from leaving him again, grabbing her hand but she swiftly pulled away from his hold, making a crack form in his heart.

“No,” she replied, a bitter smile painted on her face as she stared into his brown eyes, “I don’t think anything could ever be enough for you.”

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elisysd · 2 months

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7. It's always one step forward and three steps back

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: 1 step forward, 3 steps back - Olivia Rodrigo

Warm. You were intensely warm. You started to move a little in the very comfortable bed, not wanting to open your eyes yet. You snuggled deeper into your pillow before feeling it moving and something pulling you closer. Your eyes fluttered open. It took a few seconds for you to register your environment and suddenly you understood. Your pillow was a very strong chest, moving in sync to his breathing. And what pulled you closer was his arm, snaked around your waist. And now, you were very awake and conscious of each of your movements. You felt panic wash over you and you almost jumped out of bed, waking up Charles in the process. You didn’t even look at him, throwing a jumper on yourself and putting a sweatpant over your pair of shorts.

“Y/N? What the hell?” Charles mumbled, getting up as well to come closer to you.

“Mistake. Fucking, stupid mistake. You and me. In that bed. How can I be so stupid?” you frantically replied, getting your suitcases and making your way to the door, only to be stopped by Charles, grabbing your arm and forcing you to face him.

“Nothing happened. We just slept. Nothing more. We just invaded each other's spaces, it happens. It doesn’t mean a thing. Just calm down.” he reassured you.

“It’s… still. It’s unprofessional. From my side. We work in the same environment, it’s wrong. Wrong on so many levels…”

“You’re overthinking this.”

“Quite the opposite actually, I think I’m the one seeing the situation in a clear way.” you contradicted him.

“Okay, fine, if you say so. And where are you going to go?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, making you blush at the sight.

“I… I’ll figure it out.” you stuttered.

He sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

“You can keep the room.. I’ll stay with Joris.” he simply said.

You could see that you hurt him somehow and it made your heart ache. It was the last thing you wanted.

“I don’t want to kick you out of your room… especially when you so kindly offered me to stay…”

You could almost see the wheels in his head turning full speed.

“Well… you did tell me that you could show me around. What do you think about spending the day together, so you can calm down, and at the end of it, if you still want to leave, I’ll make the arrangements.”

You nodded. You just hoped it wouldn't end in a disaster.

You started with a coffee in Central Park and as you walked down the paths, you found it surprisingly easy how the awkwardness of the morning had vanished. You talked about many things, mostly mundane and about your hobbies. He learned how much you liked photography, something he was trying to get himself into, he told you all about piano and how it was relaxing him when he was not racing. He talked about his family a lot and how spending quality time with them was everything to him. Around lunch you end up in a little Italian restaurant and the conversation was still flowing easily between you.

“I love fashion. I know it doesn’t look like it but I would love to have my own brand one day. I want to design things.”

“At least, when it happens, it will be your own disastrous fashion attempts. You won’t be able to hide behind a brand.” you teased him as he threw bread crumbs on your face to annoy you.

“What would be your biggest dream activity? And you can’t tell me that you are already living it.” he asked and you paused, taking your time to answer.

“I think I would love to have a podcast. I would love to have conversations with people who work in the shadows, you know.”

“What is stopping you?”

“My job. I can’t start another activity that could potentially create a conflict with what I’m already doing. So… maybe one day, far away in the future.” you explained.

“You would be amazing as a host.”

It stopped you dead in your tracks and you looked at him. He was serious, there was no humor in his reply, no judgment, just a genuine trust in your abilities.

“Thank you… it means a lot.”

“You might be insufferable from time to time but you know how to make people comfortable. Even if it’s to make them relive their worst nightmares.” he winked.

You kept talking that day, getting to know each other on a deeper level, far away from the tracks and the image both of you had to keep up. And it felt nice. You laughed, he teased you, you talked about your lives, you talked about what you loved and what kept you up at night. Later as the moon was high in the sky and you were coming back to your hotel, Charles told you that you could keep his room.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m going to the Yankees’ game tomorrow. Would you like to join? I might need someone to explain the rules to me.”

“I would love to.”

And the next day was probably one of the best days for you in a long time. You got along quite well with his brothers and friends and the day went by in a blink of an eye. As you were about to part ways in the lobby, he turned to you.

“I had a really nice time here with you.”

“Me too.” you smiled.

“Does that mean that we are friends now?” he shyly asked.

“And I would be more than happy to be your friend, Charles.”

He didn’t intend to, but the warm feeling in his chest made him make a step forward and engulf you in a hug, which you reciprocated to his surprise. He stuttered, looked at you and you noticed how his cheeks were starting to get more and more pink as you could feel your do the same.

“Well, good night… See you around? In Imola?” he said.

“Most definitely.”

Coming back to Paris after the wonderful break that New-york had been for you felt weird and soon you caught up in your daily routine, except that texting Charles was now a new addition to it. You were going through editorial board meetings after editorial board meetings, preparing the next races with Jean and Marion as well as Isabel and Morgan who were part of the team but weren’t joining you on race weekends. You liked to work with everyone, they felt like a second family to you. But in between meetings and during each coffee break you couldn’t help but text Charles. Whether it was about a stupid doubt in your mind about reglementation or a quick question about how his day was going, you were always shocked to see how fast he was replying to you, no matter how busy he was. This unexpected friendship felt nice and might have been exactly what you needed at this point in your life.

“Who are you texting that makes you smile like that?” Jean asked, an espresso in her hand as you just got out of a quick editorial briefing.

“No one in particular…” you bit your lips.

“A boyfriend?”

“Oh gosh no. I mean, he is a friend. I suppose.”

“You suppose? Shouldn't you be sure?”

“It’s… Can I ask you something personal?”

“Of course.” Jean reassured you.

“You are friends with some drivers, right? How do you do that to not impact your job?”

Jean looked at you as your leg started to bounce from anxiety.

“Well… I’ve never really got to think about that. It came quite naturally. When you love your job and are passionate about it, I think it’s easy. As long as you don’t overthink the way you do your job, that you stick to the reasons that led you to choose this life, then it’s easy. It becomes harder if you start to have strong bonds with some. I was close to Jules Bianchi and his family, I still am. I was there when he got into his crash. It was probably the toughest and most traumatizing experience in my career.”

“How did you do it?”

“You stick to the facts. No less and no more. You do what you know best and you stick to it.”

“Do you regret it? Becoming friends with Jules, I mean…”

“Never. Besides being a great source of information, I got to learn so many things by his side and meet other people. It’s all about finding balance. You know, when you’re in the paddock, browsing for information, asking questions… you’re not totally the same person as you are out of there. You have a mask of professionalism. The drivers are the same.”

And he was right. You had observed it with Charles. And he had already told you how different you were from your journalist persona. Maybe Jean was right and overthinking the situation would only create issues where they weren’t needed.

On your way home that day, you had decided that you would stop putting barriers between your relationships and what you thought was right. It was stupid and prevented you from being happy. Charles made you happy, Mick, Esteban and Pierre as well. And truth be told, Luc would be disappointed in yourself to not jump on the occasion to get closer to his idols. Alone in your flat, the TV on, you started to pack for Imola until you got a text from Charles.

I’m not sure the race will happen. A risk of flooding is set on Imola’s area.

Are they canceling the race?

Not yet.

You were about to reply when your phone vibrated and Charles’ name popped on your screen.

“Three hours of being caught in traffic and four diversions. That’s how bad it is. The F2 paddock is literally under water. I don't see how it could get better. We would need a miracle for the race.” he explained.

“You could have told me that over a text you know… you didn’t need to call me. Although I’m happy to hear from you.”

“I know… I just needed to express my frustration out loud.”

“What does the organization say about the situation?” you asked, your journalistic instincts taking over.

“Nothing. They are waiting to see if the alert is about to be lifted or not. It’s stupid. It’s endangering people. Anyway… how are you doing?”

“Good. Busy preparing the maybe non race weekend” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I bet. If by miracle Imola was to happen, are you down for a coffee or a walk or anything really… I need to get my mind out of the season.” he sighed.

“Getting your mind out of it by hanging out with someone whose whole job revolves around covering the season?”

“I want to talk to my lovely friend. Not to the annoying journalist.”

“I can be that.”

“What? Annoying, believe me, I know.” you could hear the laugh in his voice.

“No! Lovely, idiot.”

“I know that too. You’re cute.”

You felt your cheeks reddened and a deafening silence on the other end of the line.

“I mean… cute in a puppy way. Not in a sexy and attractive way… not that you are not sexy and attractive. Not to me. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there that could fancy you.” he quickly added as you were hoping the floor would swallow you whole. “You know what I mean?”

“Not really, no.”

“Just… forget I said anything, yeah?”

He didn’t have to tell you twice.

After Imola had been canceled, just like how Charles had predicted it, the next stop of the season was Monaco, also known as the busiest time for you. In absence of a French GP, Monaco was now the closest of a homerace than it could be, meaning you were busier than ever. It was going to be a big weekend and you were really excited. You barely had time for yourself as when you were not working, you were texting Charles who was almost as busy as you were. But as the week was progressing and the Grand Prix was right around the corner, communication died down.

Indeed, Charles was swamped with interviews and sponsoring events from left to right and it was only when he was alone in his flat that he could check on his phone, sadder than what he was supposed to be when he noticed that you had stopped texting him. It was stupid, he knew how busy you were and it was unfair to ask from you to be there for him when he knew that he couldn’t do the same for you. And you were just friends, not that close even if over the last weeks he felt like he had started to know you on a deep level and you could say the same about him. He didn’t really understand why he felt so bothered not talking to you and he reassured himself thinking he would see you in the paddock.

But you weren’t there on media day, busy shooting reports in the streets of Monaco, nor were you here during Free Practices as you were covering the F2 sessions. He didn’t try to overthink and focused on the qualifyings the next day, sure that you would be there to welcome him in the media pen. But you weren’t, Marion was. He quickly asked Silvia if she knew why it was not you and she shrugged.

His home race’s weekend was starting a bit too well for his liking and as if fate had heard his doubts, the penalty dropped as he was heading out. Saying he was mad was an understatement. It was unfair, he knew he didn’t deserve it, not like this and it’s defeated that he met Arthur, at their mom’s house. Arthur was no better than him, he was not proud of his driving so far.

“I feel like I’m a failure. I don’t deserve my seat there and people are starting to be more and more vocal about that…” he confessed to Charles.

“Shut up. You do. And the ones who are saying you don’t are stupid. They don’t matter.”

“I want to make dad proud, Charles.”

“I know. I do too. And I promise you we will. We are going to give our all tomorrow. For him.” Charles assured.

But both races for the brothers ended up pretty badly for different reasons. Arthur had to DNF and Charles, retrograded in P6 after his penalty stayed in this position throughout the whole race. No actions, nothing. just a boring race and one he wanted to forget. But as he was heading to the media pen, he noticed you and suddenly, he felt better. He walked confidently to you and gave you a smile, that you reciprocated. He was about to answer confidently when he heard your first question.

“P6 for you today Charles after your penalty and another home Grand Prix that is not going as expected. Do you start to believe that you might get cursed after all?”

“I.. I… Well, I think it’s just a matter of circumstances. We tried our best to fight with everyone but it wasn’t enough.”

“Do you envision the possibility of you never winning Monaco?”

“Of course not! I’ll always give my all here and I know that one day it will pay off.” he answered a bit more harshly than what he intended. He didn’t understand where your questions were coming from. It was just like at the beginning of the season and it seemed that all the progress that you both had made were vanishing and your relationship back to square one. He didn’t even glance at you as he walked out of the media pen, even more frustrated than when he got in.

Once the post race meeting was over, he wandered around the paddock, trying to search for you and determined to find answers. He wanted to know why you had been so aggressive with your questions. He knew that the chances were high that you would still be around but despite his best attempts, you were nowhere to be seen and that angered him even more.

To let loose and as it was now a tradition, Charles and a few of his closest friends went out clubbing. It was one of the moments he was waiting for the most during the Grand Prix weekend and today, more than ever, he needed it. Other drivers were there as well. Pierre and his girlfriend Kika, Alex with Lily and George with Carmen, making him feel more single than ever.

“I’m not in the mood to see so many happy couples tonight.” he complained to Joris at the bar.

“Well that could be easily arranged, you know. There are so many girls who are waiting in line for you. Just pick one.”

“You know that I’m not that kind of guy. I need to feel a connection with someone.”

“Come on, man. After this weekend I think you deserve to enjoy yourself.”

Charles sighed and scanned the room only to see you there, talking and laughing with Mick. You seemed happy, carefree, something you only had shown to him and he admitted it, he felt jealous. Even more when Mick hugged you and he saw you reciprocating it. He clenched his jaw and drank his whiskey in one gulp. He didn’t care how he felt the liquid burning his throat, at the moment it was not worse than the burning he felt in his chest. He was so caught up watching you that he didn’t see Pierre approaching.

“There you are. I was starting to think you had gone home to be grumpy on your own.”

Charles barely made a sound to acknowledge his presence and Pierre followed his best friend’s gaze. Here you were, now on the dancefloor with Mick who was busy making you twirl around. He looked at Charles to see him clench his jaw and barely understood what was going on. He had never seen him acting like that.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure. That’s why you look like you want to see Mick buried six feet under.”

“I’m not.”

“It's okay, Charles. You can admit it. I won’t say anything or anyone.”

“There is nothing to admit.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“Fuck off, Gasly.” he finally brushed his friend off, as Joris was laughing.

He got out of the club, not feeling in the mood to party anymore. He was jealous. That was true. And he never thought that seeing you with another man would make him this angry. He wanted to be the one to make you laugh, the one to make you dance, the only one worthy of your hugs, the only one to put a bright smile on your face. And that was true, maybe his feelings were not as friendly as he thought.

You were slightly drunk, you knew it. You had spent the night laughing with Mick and Marion. You needed it. It had been a hell of a few weeks and letting loose was what you had been waiting for. On your way out, giggling as you were barely able to put one foot in front of the other, Marion joined you.

“I think it’s time for you to rest, missy.” she laughed, taking your bag out of your hands, scared you would drop it.

“How are you not drunk?”

“Experience, darling.”

She hailed a taxi and you both hopped in and made your way back to the hotel.

“Are you going to be okay on your own or do you need me to walk you to your room?” Marion asked.

“I’ll be fine.”

And you wouldn’t admit to her that you made a mistake on your floor number. When you finally made it, you were just dreaming about a nice shower and your soft bed. But when you looked up and your heart almost jumped out of your chest as you were feeling yourself sobering up rather quickly, you knew you were not getting them as soon as you hoped for. Charles was standing up in front of your door.

Author's note: An early chapter as I'm nor sure I'll be able to post tomorrow. What do you think Charles is doing here? What is he going to say?

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff

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smartycvnt · 11 months

Text

Eve and the Apple

Title: Eve and the Apple Pairing: Olivia Benson x Reader Prompt: 10. "Did you just kiss me?" NR WC: 820

The click of Y/n's heels against the floor tiles was a warning. Olivia could smell Y/n's perfume the moment that Y/n entered the room. A shudder ran down the detective's spine as Y/n got closer. There was something about the young defense lawyer's presence that made Olivia's heart race in her chest. It was almost as if she was Y/n's prey, caught in the crosshairs. Olivia felt guilty at the excitement she felt about seeing Y/n for their cases, especially when it caused so much stress for everybody else. Nobody had been dismantling their unit like Y/n had. She could made whole cases fall apart from mistakes that they didn't even know they were making.

"Detective Benson, would you show me to Mr. Bryson please?" Y/n didn't bother herself with introductions, nor did she care to address any of the other detectives in the room. Munch, Cassidy, and Jeffries all pretended to be unbothered by it, but Olivia knew they'd give her crap about it later. They managed to get halfway down the hallway towards the interrogation room before Y/n stopped and gave Olivia a kiss.

"Did you just kiss me?" Olivia asked. Y/n gave Olivia an unbothered look as she nodded her yes in confirmation. "What the hell do you think you're doing? If they catch us kissing, I'll never hear the end of it."

"They're already going to give you shit about escorting me without putting up a fight, at least this way they know you're getting some," Y/n said, shades of her accent slipping through. Olivia ducked her head down to hide her smile, the same one that always threatened to break her resolve when Y/n was around. Y/n grabbed onto the lapels of Olivia's jacket and ducked down to kiss her again. This time Olivia kissed her back, but the two of them jumped apart when the interrogation room door began to open.

"Ah good, the snake is here. This one's a real winner, I don't know how you pick 'em," Stabler said as he stepped aside to let Y/n in. She glanced back at Olivia, who still looked like a dear in headlights, and walked right into the interrogation room. Their ADA was good, as was Stabler with his line of questioning, but Y/n had practice shutting both of them down. A little flirting Abby's way would shut her up for the rest of the interrogation, and Stabler's anger always got the best of him. Y/n was out of there with her client by lunch, which she had to admit was impressive even by her own standards.

"Detective Benson, mind walking me out?" Y/n asked as she returned to the bullpen. Her client walked out on his own. Y/n didn't want to spend a moment with him more than she absolutely had to. He was an awful man, one who Y/n was certain did belong behind bars even if he didn't actually commit this crime. He had done enough other things that made Y/n glad she had dropped all of her Catholic school beliefs by college.

"Actually, I think I'll take you. Detective Benson looks pretty busy to me," Stabler said. Y/n tried to look past him at Olivia, but every time she moved, he did as well. "Come on, I'll even show you to the hot dog stand outside. They've got the best mustard."

"I believe you have a wife, Detective Stabler," Y/n said. He brushed it off and walked Y/n out of there. Y/n glanced over her shoulder at Olivia, who was sending her the most apologetic look she could muster without drawing too much attention to herself. "What's your game here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Kissing my partner in the hallway, flirting with our ADA in the interrogation room, trying to get Liv to walk you out. Is there something going on I should know about?" Stabler asked.

"Nothing that is any of your business." Y/n's defenses were up, and Stabler knew that he wouldn't get anything out of her. The best he could do was warn her to be careful. If anybody else caught wind of what was actually going on, Olivia could be shunned out of the unit.

"Just know that you aren't the only snake in the grass around here. I'd hate for her to get bitten because of your sorry ass," Stabler warned.

"In a place like yours, it's not good to have snakes. I'd clear 'em out if I were you," Y/n told him. The two of them seemed to leave with a similar understanding. Y/n would try to be more careful when she came into their building and Stabler would try to keep everybody else away from Liv's personal business, especially where Y/n was concerned.

#olivia benson x reader #my writing #svu x reader #svu #olivia benson

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riiwrites · 8 months

Text

lacy

☆ pairing : yosano x female reader

☆ genre : sort of angst, fluff towards the end.

☆ summary : your reunion with yosano takes a surprising turn when you come to terms with your sexuality.

☆ a/n : this is loosely based off of the song ‘lacy’ by olivia rodrigo, this song already has such a precious place in my heart and i just had to write something about it, all credits and lyrics belong to her.

☆ warnings : NOT PROOF READ! may have some spelling mistakes or perspective errors.

☆ wc : 1k

You hated this.

You hated the fact that you were at a loss of concentration as you couldn’t focus on a single thing she was telling you, you could only think of one thing.

Although you could never figure out why you thought of it in such a way.

Perhaps not seeing her in so long made her so endearing, so captivating as she was one of the many people you trusted with your whole life, a catch up was needed, you were thinking of her because you missed your friend.

Or maybe it was her dear angel eyes, as wide and white as daisies, catching your glimpse and capturing you in a trance you could never quite figure out how to get out of.

Or perhaps it was her delicate skin, as white and soft as puff pastry, the pale skin you thought of placing your hand against as you caressed her cheek with your thumb, staring lovingly into her violet coloured orbs as you leaned in to—

"How have you been?"

The soft breathy tone of voice you had missed hearing so long ago snapped you out of your thoughts within an instant as you blinked a few times, your eyes slowly travelling up from the dark wooden table to be met with the same violet coloured orbs you had just pictured. You stare blankly into her eyes as you try to form an answer, thinking to yourself, a long pause emerges between you two until eventually she speaks once again.

"I mean, you just left without a single word."

"Do you not care?"

Of course you did, what kind of question was that?

You seemed to be so consumed with your own thoughts you had forgotten the ability to speak. You figured it was just because of the shock you had with the following questions and statements, statements that were true. You did leave without a single word, fleeing your home and your friendship with Yosano, and you knew why, you couldn’t stand being in that failure of a friendship anyways. You were always envious of Yosano and her angel like persona, she had everything you could’ve ever wanted. You knew why you left.

Or so you thought.

"I do care."

You start, fiddling with your fingers as you begin to grow more careful and conflicted with your next words.

"I’ve been- meaning to call you, I guess you just did first."

Yosano nods slowly, her lips tight in a straight line. It’s clear she doesn’t quite believe you and you didn’t blame her. and to be quite frank, you didn’t quite believe yourself either.

"I’ve been thinking of you."

She perks up at your words, she looks surprised, you even swore you saw her cheeks flush just a little bit.

"..you have?"

Fuck, you shouldn’t have said that, just look at her face. Her parted lips, her eyebrows raised just above her beautifully cut bangs. She was ethereal, and you hated that.

You hated the fact that she had everything you could ever want, her looks, her personality, her figure, it’s like she was practically made of angel dust.

"That still doesn’t really explain why you left though."

Her shocked expression fades, her eyebrows furrowing together as she stirs her sugar into her coffee cup, resting her hand on her chin as she looks up at you.

You weren’t the best at confrontation, hence why you never made the first move to try and get in contact with her again. You knew you were the one to blame anyway, but why did you have to be so weird about it?

"I’m sorry, okay? Just things got complicated and—"

"What do you mean complicated? You could’ve reached out, I could’ve helped you. I was always there for you Y/N."

Her eyebrows continue to furrow. You couldn’t figure out if it was due to either the confusion or frustration but you assumed it was a mix of both.

"Yeah I know, I get that, I just.."

You take a pause, diverting your sight onto the wooden floor of the cafe shop before letting out a soft sigh

"..couldn’t."

Yosano looks at your worn out expression, worry and irritation becoming more apparent in her face as she bites the inside of her cheek trying to suppress her inner thoughts from coming out her mouth.

"You look tired. Conflicted, almost."

She analyses you with such precision, looking you up and down so she can justify her reasons to her judgement. Well, she was right about both things.

You were tired and you were conflicted.

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

"No."

You said that a bit too sharply than intended. She gave you an irritated look before sighing again.

"I should go."

She begins to stand up, the chair scraping against the wooden floor being the only thing that made your eyes widen and snap up in an instant as you see her beginning to leave.

"Wait!"

You follow her movements within a swift moment as you reach out for her, grabbing her shoulder from over the small coffee desk permitting space between you two.

She turns around, her eyes widening as a small reoccurring blush appears on her sweet face. She stares at you for a few moments whilst a wave of silence hits you both like a rush of wind. The silence was rather loud to say the least, you staring into each others eyes with softened expressions as you inhaled a deep breath.

"Please, I just.."

You attempt to try and find some words to justify yourself.

"I’m afraid if I..say what I truly feel then you’ll hate me."

She blinks, her eyes soften at this, seeing your sudden vulnerable state as you then refuse to make eye contact with her.

"And that’s just..something I can’t go through again. I wont allow it."

A long pause slices inbetween you two, before Yosano breaks it

"Y/N, you leaving was your choice, not mine."

She starts

"You left with your own plan, your own volition. I assure you I wouldn’t make the same vulgar move you did to me."

Ouch, that hurt.

But it was true, you were quite hypocritical for saying that.

"You don’t understand though, it pained me to leave—"

"You don’t think it pained me too?!" She snaps before fully turning around to face you.

"The one you left behind, without a call or goddamn text?! Without a reason?! God, Y/N you seriously didn’t think I was hurt after you left? How low do you think I am?"

Not as low as your reasoning, that’s for sure.

You blink a few times out of surprise at Yosanos sudden outburst, although it was very much needed to snap you back out of your pitiful state.

You swallow a lump in your throat, you begin to sweat, why were you feeling like this? Say something goddamnit.

"What was your reason, Y/N like really. What was your reason and purpose to go off and leave me deserted like that, huh? Just tell me-"

"I fell in love with you."

The pressure was too much. You had cracked.

Yosano pauses, taken back by this. Her lips go parted in utter shock with her eyes now wider than ever.

The silence was now overwhelming, you felt your heart racing as if it was going to explode out of your chest, you couldn’t bare the rejection.

"I knew it. I’m sorry I need to go."

Not even without a second thought, you rushed off past Yosano and out of the shop, taking your bag with you.

Yosano looks behind her as you rush off, before rushing after you and out the door.

"Y/N, wait!" She pleads, suddenly feeling an immense amount of regret for snapping at you.

"No! Just don’t okay? I already know what you’re gonna say."

"Y/N please just look at me!"

She finally catches up to you, you stop for a brief moment and turn around to look at her, your emotions getting the best of you as you begin to take in deep breaths to try and console yourself.

Yosano looks broken seeing you like this. "Oh, Y/N.."

"How did you know?"

You sigh as you look off to the side.

"I guess I always have, just didn’t come to terms with it until..seeing you again."

You take a pause before recollecting yourself.

"Yosano, i care so much. God, ever since I left you were the only thing I could think about. You could take over my mind and have it as your own for all I care. You were the only thing I could’ve possibly needed and wanted.."

Yosano takes your hand into hers, you don’t particularly notice though as you continue rambling.

"I know I said I fell in love with you, as in past tense..but I think that was because I was afraid to tell you that I still do love you. I love you Y-"

Yosano interrupts you with her lips as she kisses you softly, but harsh enough for you to keep quiet. I think it’s safe to say this action had left you absolutely speechless, with the way your lips trembled against hers and the way your body stumbled back, but Yosanos hand quickly guided you back to her with the grab of your waist. She pulled you closer, relishing in the way you melted into her touch.

After a few moments, she pulls away from her, her grip on your waist still remaining. You stare at her with absolute shock, breathless and enchanted as if you were under a spell, her spell she’s had you under for years.

She smiles softly, removing her other hand from yours as she reaches up to caress your cheek softly, gazing into your eyes with her soft loving violet like ones.

"Oh, love, how I wish you told me sooner.."

The sudden words warmed your heart, you felt acceptance for one of the first times in forever, a sort of relief washed over you as you warily smiled back, tears reappearing into the corners of your pretty eyes again as you sniffle.

"I love you too, Y/N. I always have."

She continues to caress your cheek, slowly moving her hand up to your hair as she begins to run her fingers through it gently. Your cheeks turn to a more pink hue as you lean your head into her gloved hand, smiling so sweetly and not wanting to let go.

"Its always been hard for me to..tell people and be out, but I really wanna try."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Yosanos smile grows fonder as she leans in to rest her forehead against yours, you two not knowing the word of personal space and especially in the middle of the damn sidewalk.

"You don’t have to be out to people if you don’t want to be..your sexuality is your choice and your decision, it’s nobody else’s business."

You nod, giving her back the same smile.

"I know, but I want to try."

Yosano huffs out a little laugh of admiration, before popping a gentle kiss on your forehead.

You scrunch up your nose and giggle, thinking to yourself as you stare at her.

"What?" She asks, cocking her head to the side and giggling with you. You grin and bury your face into her shoulder, hiding your love filled expression before finally replying.

"..I despise my wicked mind and how much it worships you.."

TAGLIST : @solandiss @hopefulpain @forgotten-blues @ruru-kiss @abyssinspace @texas-bitch-yee @ezraisfurity @lvstyangel @thetizzler @is-therelife-onmars @atlasnessie

a/n : i’m not rlly proud of this one as i feel I could’ve written this better, but i hope you all enjoy, thank you for the wait!!

#bsd #bsd headcanons #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #fluff #bsd x you #bsd yosano #yosano akiko #yosano #yosano x reader #yosano headcanons #yosanoakiko #bungou stray dogs yosano #bsd akiko #akiko #angst #pride #bsd anime #riiwrites

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hayleythesugarbowl · 6 months

Note

HEYYYYY it’s been awhile since I’ve asked for something and I thought today I would like to have some more Angela stuff I’m not gonna be picky about it just give me something to feed on and I’ll be happy I was hoping a nice long story that’s all I got for you you can write on it when you feel like it or have the time thanks :))) hope your doing well and have a nice rest of the week ;)

Second Chances || Angela Giarratana x reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: when the smosh cast goes on a company retreat and you and angela are forced to share a hotel room you have the opportunity to rekindle an old romance

word count: 3.3k

warnings: none

a/n: hey!! hope this is what you wanted, i just kinda had this idea and ran with it and i had to include the one bed trope because c’mon. also fem!reader like all of my other angela fics. anyways enjoy!! 💌💋

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Everyone say vacation!”

Courtney smiled as they took a group photo of you and everyone else at Smosh. You grinned, looking forward to the time away from work and daily life.

You and the rest of the cast had all flown to a sunny beach town for a week-long company retreat and you now stood in front of a large, bustling resort taking in the warm air, the pinkish glow of the now-setting sun, and sounds of laughter and shouting.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to have to share rooms because apparently this place is busy this time of year and someone forgot to check availability,” Ian announced, turning to his best friend.

“Why are you looking at me?” Anthony said.

Everyone began discussing who they wanted to bunk with—Shayne moving to stand closer to Damien, Courtney and Olivia linking hands, and Anthony and Ian were already discussing who would sleep in the bed closest to the window—and you watched as everyone paired off. You turned to find Angela next to you.

“So, everyone’s paired up…what do you say? Roomies?” She asked.

“Roomies,” you answered, trying to smile. Of course, just your luck. You were glad, in a way—you didn’t want to start your vacation off not finding someone to share with and be stuck feeling like this was middle school all over again—but you couldn’t decide which was worse, that or having to share a room with your ex for the whole week. You figured Angela would have felt the same way.

You were over Angela. You thought. You two had dated for the better part of 6 months but you had ultimately decided your relationship was better off as strictly coworkers a couple of months ago. You had both had your part in the relationship failing and you recognized that things were better off this way. But you couldn’t keep away the nagging part of you in the back of your mind that constantly thought what if? What if you had made a mistake ending it? What if your story wasn’t over?

You pushed those thoughts away—they were no use to you now—and tried to focus on getting though this week without any uncomfortable experiences.

You were brought out of your thoughts by your party moving towards the resort and you quickly hurried to catch up with them. You saw Angela glance back at you but you ignored it and the feeling you got in your chest as she did so.

You all found your rooms relatively easily after a long trip up many stairs—of course the elevators were out of order for service this week—and many of them were on the same floor. You walked towards the door of your room and slid the keycard in.

Small. The first thought you had as you walked into your and Angela’s room some hours later was that it was incredibly small for a five star resort hotel. You figured since they were so booked it must have been all they had.

Which explained why there was only one space that doubled as a bedroom and a living area, one closet, and, you realized with horror, one bed.

You heard Angela come up behind you.

“This is it,” you gestured to the room.

“Where’s the rest of it?” She asked, stepping in and looking around.

You set down your suitcase and sighed as Angela glanced around, her eyes landing on the bed.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Angela offered.

“Angela, I can’t let you do that. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Angela threw up her hands. “So, we’ll both sleep on the floor then.”

“Doesn’t that seem like a waste of a perfectly good bed?” You asked.

“I wouldn’t say perfectly good,” Angela mumbled, “I’ve seen documentaries about how they don’t wash those.”

You rolled your eyes at her internally, but you had to try not to smile. It wasn’t the first time you’d heard this spiel.

“Well, someone has to sleep in it,” you said.

Angela pulled at a strand of her hair. You looked at your shoes. This was ridiculous. You could be adults about this. What was the harm if you and Angela shared the bed? There wasn’t anything weird between you. You were…acquaintances, weren’t you?

Before you could change your mind you said, “We could share it.”

That got Angela’s attention.

“I mean, there’s no reason why we cant, right?” You added. The words even though we broke up were left unspoken between you.

“Of course not,” Angela said but she looked like she would rather sleep on the floor.

You figured this whole thing must be awkward for her too. Of course, you knew she had moved on from you. You had no doubt of that. But still, you assumed sharing a bed with your ex had to be uncomfortable for everyone, right?

Either way, it was settled and so a few minutes later you found yourself climbing into bed with Angela on the other side of you, careful to keep your back to her and your body as close to your edge as possible.

The last thing you remembered before you drifted off to sleep was hearing Angela’s snores and thinking that you were right back where you were a few months ago.

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

When you woke up Angela was already out of bed and you breathed a sigh of relief that you didn’t have to face her and could avoid a potentially awkward situation. At least that was something, you thought, as you made yourself get out of bed at what you thought was far too early a time to start a day on vacation.

You heard the water water running and decided you would shower that night rather than cross Angela in the bathroom. You threw on the first pair of pants you found in your suitcase and began looking through tops in the closet. You finally settled on one and had just taken off your pajama shirt when something made you pause and you stopped moving as you heard a familiar sound.

Angela was singing in the shower. You instinctively took a step closer to the bathroom. She was singing some show tune that you didn’t recognize but the sound was so familiar, so comfortable that you felt as if you’d heard the song before.

You took another step closer. It was a quiet sound, but her voice grew louder as you stood outside the bathroom door and all you could think of was that it was beautiful.

You didn’t know why this was affecting you so much. Probably because it reminded you of when you and Angela were you and Angela. You’d heard her sing plenty of times when you were together. In fact, she’d always made you sing with her so she didn’t hyperventilate trying to sing all of Non-Stop. You’d say you had a lousy voice and she’d tell you the angels were jealous of the way you sounded. You stopped yourself before you got lost in the memory.

Unfortunately, you didn’t stop yourself in time to hear Angela’s shower water turn off or her singing stop.

You were made aware of this by the door opening and nearly hitting you in the face. Angela looked as shocked to see you as you were to come face to face with her.

“(Y/n), what are you—”

She cut off and her eyes widened as she looked at you. You caught your reflection in the mirror of the bathroom and you immediately understood why. You had forgotten that you were in the process of changing when you had stopped to listen to Angela.

You now stood in your pants with your shirt in your hand and nothing but your bra on top—you praised all that was good and holy that you had been too tired to take it off last night before you went to bed—and you stood there in shock. You quickly covered your chest with your shirt but it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Angela stared at you and you couldn’t read her expression. Surprised? Annoyed? That had to be it, you supposed you wouldn’t be too happy either if you got out of the shower to find someone half-naked lingering outside your bathroom.

“Angela, I’m sorry, I was just—” You tried, but she interrupted.

“It’s ok, bathroom’s all yours,” she said, stepping past you and looking at the ground. You figured it was in your best interest to go along and pretend that you had been waiting for the bathroom so you just stepped in and locked the door, trying not to notice how the room smelled like her. Like her perfume, her conditioner, everything that you remembered from before. You looked at your weary reflection in the mirror.

It’s going to be a long vacation, you told your reflection, but all it did was stare back at you.

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

The next day passed in flashes of beaches and gift shops and avoiding Angela. You had been having fun, or trying to really, despite your living situation.

Things with Angela were especially awkward after that morning. What was wrong with you?

I am over Angela.

And that became your mantra. As you watched her laugh and talk with all of your cast mates. As you tried not to stare at her and her adorable blue bikini. And especially as you dreaded that night and the horrors it would inevitably bring. At least with everyone else around you could safely navigate your vacation without really having to interact with her. But then you would have to go back to your room and back to your bed and you didn’t know if you could take it. Maybe you were wrong about being able to be perfectly fine with this.

I am over Angela.

And maybe if you said it enough times you’d actually believe it.

“(Y/n), did you hear me?” Angela tapped you on the shoulder.

“Oh, no sorry, what?” You asked, dazed.

“I just asked if you wanted a snow cone, I was going to buy us some,” she gestured to a stand a few hundred feet away.

“Oh, no thank you,” you answered and all you could think of was her touch on your arm.

You were doomed.

“(Y/n), are you ok?” You felt someone come up beside you and you turned around. Arasha was looking at you with a concerned expression on her face. “You’ve been acting weird all day.”

You supposed you had. “Oh, I’m just tired, that’s all.”

You risked a glance at Angela and Arasha just nodded but you didn’t think she believed you.

After that, everyone started to part ways and go off to explore the city on their own.

Amanda turned back to you from where she and Shayne were standing. “You coming with?”

“I’ll catch up,” you called. You weren’t in any hurry. You stopped to look in the window of a cute little candle shop. There was no reason you couldn’t enjoy your vacation on your own. You were glad of the peace and quiet for a moment.

“Hey, where’d everybody go?” Angela ran up to you with a tray full of snow cones. You shrugged.

“That’s the last time I do anything nice for those lousy—”

You let out a chuckle. She smiled at you and it was impossible for you not to smile back.

“So, any place you particularly wanna see?” Angela gestured around as she began eating a snow cone. She held one out to you and you took it.

“Nothing in particular,” you answered honestly.

“Well, then we can see nothing together,” she began walking and you kept pace with her.

This was good, you thought. Just a nice, casual walk around the city with Angela like two coworkers would do.

You made small talk about your job and the things around you and it was easy enough. Angela talked enough for the both of you, so you just piped in when necessary and kept your eyes firmly on the snow cone in your hand. Which was probably why you didn’t see the pole in front of you.

“(Y/n), watch out!” Angela jumped in front of you, throwing down the tray of snow cones, and pulled you out of the way just before your forehead connected with the metal pole.

Your heavy breathing had nothing to do with the near-accident that had almost occurred. Angela gripped your sides tightly and you were closer to her than you had been in a while. For a moment you two just looked at each other before you pulled away and mumbled a quick “thanks”.

You were debating wether or not to say more when Chanse walked out of a shop in front of you and fell in to step with Angela. She looked back at you briefly before continued again and as you walked behind them you repeated the only thing keeping you sane.

I am over Angela. I am over Angela. I am over Angela.

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

By the time you got back to your hotel room it was late and all you wanted to do was fall asleep and not think about Angela or this day. You were just about to climb into bed when you realized that someone was already there.

Angela. She must have gotten back before you and was already asleep. You paused a moment to watch her sleeping form—she looked so calm and peaceful—before slipping in to your side of the bed, staying as far away from her as possible. You shivered under the sliver of blankets that you had—Angela had wrapped them all around her. You supposed it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you scooted a tiny bit towards Angela in order to be covered by the warm sheets. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it would do, you thought. Your eyelids began to droop as you shivered again. Maybe if you just…shifted… a little…towards…

…Angela. You awoke that morning and the first thing you saw was Angela. Her head was on your chest and your arms were over her back. Your initial horror dissolved into contentment as she nestled her head into you in her sleep and her hair tickled your collarbone. She felt warm in your arms and you didn’t want her to wake up quite yet. Because she wouldn’t be doing this is if she were conscious. You knew you should just sneak out from under Angela and out of bed before she woke up and found you like this but you couldn’t make yourself.

Because as you lay here like this with your ex-girlfriend you couldn’t seem to remember why you broke up. This felt right. You knew you could never say any of this to Angela—she’d moved on from you like you’d failed to do with her. Because you realized then that you weren’t over Angela.

You felt Angela begin to stir and you tried to move your body out from under hers but you only got about halfway when she opened her eyes and blinked at you.

“(Y/n)?” She took in your close proximity and her head in your chest. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her voice was gravely from sleep as she said, “Well, I guess we were cold last night.”

You nodded and let yourself pretended that was it.

“I’m going to go get us some more towels,” you said, standing up and walking towards the door. You didn’t even bother putting on a robe or clothes and figured you’d take your chances wearing your pajamas in the hall rather than staying in here with Angela.

Once you were out of the room you leaned up against the door and took a deep breath. Your cheeks were hot and you ran a hand through your messy hair.

“(Y/n), what are you doing?”

It was Arasha. She walked towards you from a room down the hallway and you met her in the middle.

“Getting some air,” you said, “You?”

“Couldn’t sleep” she answered and you looked out a window, seeing the dark sky and realizing it was earlier than you thought. Probably no later than 5:30 in the morning.

“Are you ok, really?” She asked hesitantly when you didn’t answer.

You sighed. What was the harm in telling her really? She knew you and Angela had dated. Everyone did. She could probably guess on her own; maybe she already had.

“It’s Angela,” you admitted. “I thought sharing a room with her would be fine since it’s been a couple months since we broke up but it’s not fine.”

Arasha frowned, “You’re not on good terms? I thought you two stayed friends after your breakup.”

“No, it’s not that,” you said, swallowing. “I—I think I’m still in love with her.”

Arasha’s eyes widened and you fumbled for words.

“Everything she does reminds me of how things used to be and I’ve tried to keep my distance and remind myself why we’re not together anymore but none of those reasons really seem compelling anymore and I know it’s a bad idea and it could never happen but—”

Arasha put a hand in your shoulder, interrupting you. “I think if you really love her, then tell her. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could make things more awkward than they already are?” You bit your bottom lip.

“If worst comes to worst, you can stay with me. Amanda snores anyway.” She laughed and you joined her, grateful for her help and advice.

“So does Angela,” you remarked fondly, “Thanks, Arash, I appreciate it. I’ll find a way to tell her. I just don’t know what she’ll say.”

“I think she’ll say that she completely agrees with you.”

You spun around at the sound of Angela’s voice.

“Angela, I—”

She put up a hand. “I heard everything. I was going to ask you to bring up some muffins with you.”

Arasha backed up. “I’ll catch you guys later.” She gave you an encouraging smile as she went back into her room and left you and Angela alone in the hall.

You said, “Angela—”

At the same time as she said, “I love you too, (Y/n).”

“I didn’t mean—wait, what? You do?” You stared at her in shock.

“I still love you. Actually, I never stopped loving you,” she said, more quietly now. She looked so vulnerable then and you wanted to reach out to her but you didn’t.

“But we said we were better off as coworkers, as—”

Angela shrugged, “And how’s that working for us?”

You thought about the way this week was going so far for you and realized you hadn’t even considered that Angela felt the same way. That everything was just as hard for her as it was for you. If this trip had taught you anything it was that some things—some people—were worth second chances.

You closed the distance between her and kissed her. Kissed her like you’d been waiting to kiss her for thousands of years. In a way, it felt like that. As she kissed you back, you thought that this was how it was meant to be.

“You know what? You’re right, I think this works a lot better,” you said breathily.

She smiled at you. “So, what do you say we go back to bed?”

“As long as you stay on you’re side,” you teased her, starting to walk towards your room. You were glad things were more comfortable between you. It wasn’t perfect, but you’d make up for the time you lost together. You still had five whole days of vacation, and you were going to make the most of them.

“That,” Angela responded, walking through the doorway and turning back around, looking at you with a twinkle in her eye, “I can’t promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ hope you enjoyed this babes!! have a lovely week and expect a couple more angela fics coming out soon!! 🤭🎀

#angela giarratana x reader #angela giarratana #smosh #smosh fanfiction #smosh imagine #smoshblr #smosh pit #smosh squad #smosh games #fanfiction #fanfic #reader insert #x reader

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