#mention of neurodiversity

[rolling-restart]

Overload - Chapter 3

Pairing: Kimi Raikkonen/Sebastian Vettel

Characters: Kimi Raikkonen, Sebastian Vettel, Oscar Piastri, Mark Webber

Rating: Gen

Tags: Fluff, Ableism, Neurodiversity, Negative self-image, protective grid dads Simi, Italian food, Mark Webber Cameo. 

Summary: Kimi spots Oscar at media pen.

THE KIDS AREN’T ALRIGHT

Kimi was sulking. Against the common belief, this wasn’t his normal face, thank you very much. Sebastian took pride in being able to tell actual discomfort and just a resting bitch face apart on his partner’s face and he was definitely sulking. Maybe visiting the paddock in Imola because they were already in the neighbourhood wasn’t a good idea. He couldn’t tell because Kimi seemed eager to say hi to their old friends and Sebastian didn’t think twice. 

After a couple of hours at Ferrari hospitality, he felt like he totally lost Kimi, who stopped interacting with anyone, including Sebastian after the paddock tour. Sebastian tried to trace back and see what went wrong. They visited almost all garages, shook hands, or nodded to people they knew and gave out a couple of autographs. It was frustrating to not be able to pinpoint what went wrong.

“Kimi, are you okay?”

Kimi hummed nonchalantly in response. 

“Kimi, what’s wrong?”

Sebastian knew Kimi hated when someone tried to insist an answer out of him but he was also getting anxious. He wanted to at least know what was wrong before he started biting on his nails. 

“It’s nothing.”

“Kimi…”

Kimi sighed and folded his arms.

“It’s just frustrating what they did with the kid.”

“What kid?”

Sebastian was confused.

“The new Mclaren kid.”

“Oscar? What’s wrong with him?”

Kimi grunted, this time a tad aggressively but Sebastian was too intrigued to notice. He deliberately paused to prompt a response out of Kimi.

“Journalists were so frustrating with him. He obviously didn’t want to be there.”

Sebastian reflected on their short moment in the Mclaren garage. They didn’t stay long because the drivers were at the media pen but Kimi seemed to have paid more attention than Sebastian did. 

“He is a bit the quiet one, yes.”

“Did you talk to Mark recently?”

“No, do you want me to?”

Kimi shrugged. Sebastian didn’t interact with Mark often. However, a plan was already forming in his head while he watched Kimi. 

“We can invite the kid for a lunch? After all, it’s only Thursday, he should be free.”

Kimi shrugged again. He might not have been the most affectionate or communicative towards the young drivers but when he formed a bond with one of them, he would become the ride-and-die dad friend for them. Sebastian knew how fondly Kimi spoke about the young Tonio every now and then. They always received cards from him on holidays. It wouldn’t be the worst thing if he adopted another slightly misfit baby.

“I’ll text Mark.”

Kimi nodded. Sebastian was barely able to hide his grin. Kimi might have been stingy with his affection but when someone got his attention, it was over for everyone. Sebastian knew it first-hand. 

—---------

They were eating in silence. Sebastian didn’t want to be the one who forced others to speak at a table but he was getting a bit impatient. 

He exchanged a couple of texts with Mark before he forwarded Oscar’s number and the kid didn’t seem more talkative than the older Aussie. Sebastian didn’t mind. He was way past believing that talking too much to fill the space was a virtue.

He decided on an Italian restaurant. If Kimi saw more than discomfort in Oscar, Italian food would be the best option. Perfect for picky eaters. 

When Oscar arrived and apologised for arriving after them, Sebastian could see what Kimi meant. He didn’t even once establish eye contact with either of them, much to Kimi’s pleasure. Sebastian, again, didn’t mind. Courtesy at a certain level was a social construct to make some people uncomfortable for no reason, after all. 

They ordered together, and when Oscar ordered the blandest pasta possible, Sebastian felt like he was getting closer to the answer. It wasn’t polite to observe someone to establish whether they conform with the “normal” or not but Sebastian knew it would be better for the kid if they had an answer.

On the other hand, he was terrified of being overbearing. Oscar didn’t ask for any recognition or guidance and whatever they were about to say was going to be at best invasive. However, he also knew that he had to leave it to Kimi to handle this. 

“They are very annoying, aren’t they?”

Sebastian was as startled as Oscar when he heard Kimi speak. Oscar looked like a deer caught in headlights, which filled Sebastian’s heart with fondness for a moment.

“Excuse me?”

“Journalists. Don’t worry, they are always like that.”

“Oh.”

Oscar was looking at his half-eaten plate. Sebastian knew he was trying to avoid furthering the conversation but he could also see that the kid was intrigued at the same time. 

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“Did they annoy you, too?”

“All the time!”

Kimi leaned back and stretched. Sebastian knew better than to intervene.

“How did you cope?”

There was genuine curiosity in Oscar’s words, which relieved Sebastian a little. Kimi knew how to communicate without overstepping, perhaps better than Sebastian but it still impressed him.

“First, you got to stop worrying about what they think of you. If they want to label you, they will and it has nothing to do with you.”

Oscar nodded.

“Then, you’ll need to catch them in their own game. Make them feel uncomfortable as they make you.”

Oscar scoffed, which made Sebastian smile. 

“How?”

“Well, now they are using your reserved look against you to make a story about you being silent. But if you learn to stop being uncomfortable with it, they will be uncomfortable instead.”

“Really?”

Oscar was looking directly at Kimi’s face instead of his general direction, which Sebastian counted as a win.

“Really. You don’t have to entertain them. You don’t have to entertain anyone. You just have to drive fast and then no one can touch you.”

Kimi’s words touched a raw spot in Sebastian’s heart. He knew this wasn’t only a dull lecture from the Fin. He knew it was his genuine thought process and how he handled things. The social part of Kimi’s career hasn’t been easy and Sebastian was feeling even prouder of him if a such thing was possible. 

“I’m trying. I just…”

There was that prompting silence again.

“I’m just tired of what people are expecting from me, I guess. I am not Daniel Ricciardo and I am not sure if I could if I tried. I wish they just leave me alone.”

Sebastian felt immense sympathy for the kid. Somehow, Kimi managed to spot all of these from a couple of minutes in the kid’s presence without even talking to him. Sebastian couldn’t hold himself.

“What they are doing is not right, and they should be ashamed of that. You already have enough on your plate.”

Oscar turned his gaze back at the plate and Sebastian wondered if they scared the kid off without wanting to. 

“I guess I’m a bit different than the others. Lando doesn’t struggle with that. Neither any other drivers.”

It was utterly heartbreaking to see Oscar doubting himself like this. Sebastian already hated the pressure institutions put on literal kids but seeing it in action stung worse. 

“There is nothing wrong in being different.”

Sebastian was trying to be helpful but he felt so inadequate at that point. He wished Kimi intervened to save the situation but he was just listening intently.

“You say that, but I know there is. I wish I wasn’t like this.”

“Don’t ever say that again.”

They both stared at Kimi. He had a stern expression on his face, replacing the focused one. Sebastian could see Oscar was a little bit startled. 

“Do you think it is a bad thing Lewis is on the grid? He has ADHD, you know? Or Kubica? It would be the most boring place if the grid was filled with identical white boys who smile and chatter all the time.”

Oscar looked unconvinced by Kimi’s words but he was too hesitant to openly disagree.

“I don’t say it makes you better. It doesn’t. It makes it harder but it doesn’t mean that you need to change to fit in. Or you shouldn’t be there at all. There is no rule that says that the ones like Lando are default. You are you, it isn’t a prize nor a crime.”

Sebastian knew Kimi rarely was this vocal. It was just so fascinating to hear his partner talk about something so close and important to him, to them, in their daily life. It wasn’t appealing to talk about it all the time but when it was, Sebastian had always been left amazed at how aware and proud Kimi was. 

“I am not like Lewis or Kubica. They can talk to people and convince them to like them. I can’t. Everybody hates me, or like, is uncomfortable with me.”

Sebastian’s heart broke at Oscar’s words. He guessed that all these were getting to him but he wasn’t aware of the extent. He wanted to punch Mark for not assisting in the kid’s well-being or finding someone to do so. He knew it was so easy to doubt yourself in this sport but doubting this early with these conclusive negative aspects couldn’t be healthy.

“Oh really? Do you think everybody hates me too?”

Sebastian was almost relieved to hear the partial amusement in Kimi’s words.

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean that. No, of course not.”

Oscar was talking only to his plate at that point. 

“I know you didn’t. But we are not that different. They will learn to back off and respect you. Because you will teach them.”

When Oscar looked up at Kimi, his eyes were glossy. If he didn’t know that it would do more harm than good, Sebastian would get up to hug the kid. 

“Thank you. That really… really means a lot to me.”

Kimi raised his eyebrows.

“No problem kid.”

Sebastian rubbed his hands together. He felt like he couldn’t hope for a better outcome from this clumsy lunch idea.

“We should do this more often.”

And the synchronised eye roll from the two of them was everything to Sebastian. 

#mention of neurodiversity #op #sv #kr #simi #overload: simi fic #sfw.

[dyspunktional-revan]

"Common sense" is not actually a thing.

If something is common sense to you, it is actually simply just because at some point in your life, perhaps a very long time ago, it was made explicit enough for you, and you were able to internalize it long term.

Even mainstreamly, things that are common sense to some are not to others. Then we have differing backgrounds, and then we have disability, about which this post was originally first of all intended.

"Common sense" is literally very close to "basic DNI". Or, "this food contains allergens. You know, the basic ones."

#psa #social stuff #disability #mental disability #neurodivergency #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiverse #autism #autistic #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #intellectual disability #again i have autism and don't have id i just know that this is likely relevant to id and it is also likely relevant to other disabilities > #that I'm not recalling #leviathan.txt #yay I finally made this post #food mention #disabilityposting

[debunkingfdc]

"i support neurodivergent people and peple with eating disorders"

ok but are you normal about people with pica

#ableism #ableist people #fuck ableists #neurodivergent #ableist bullshit #autistic #actually autistic #autism #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #tw eating disorders #actually neurodiverse #pica #tw disordered eating #disordered eating mention

[nowheresamsaucex]

So I, an actual professionally diagnosed autistic, took the bullshit Pooh test. Note how Roo has only 60%.

I have really bad anxiety as a result of my autism, and this has been noted by PROFESSIONALS.

Everyone taking this test and claiming that it's proof of "the tism" or shit like that is NOT PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED. SELF DIAGNOSIS IS NOT A MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS. IT DOES NOT SHOW ON MEDICAL RECORDS.

This has been a problem on this site in particular. Autistics actually trying to find people with the same problem as them instead find shit like this.

Autism isn't a cool little aesthetic thing. I have suffered through psychological and mental trauma due to how people treated me due to my autism. I have attempted sewerslide multiple times due to the depression caused by this. It's not a thing you'd want to have.

Tumblr, you better stop this fucked up trash and leave actually autistic people alone. /srs

#important #autism #autistic things #autistic community #neurodivergent #its the neurodivergency #pooh test #actually autistic #neurodiverse stuff #actually neurodivergent #tumblr what is wrong with you #important psa #PSA #tw trauma #tw sui talk #tw sui ideation #tw abuse mention #fake disorders

[autismcultureis]

autism culture is reading a book with an autistic character (who was written by an allistic person) and just getting so angry that he's written stereotypically. ughhhhhhh

!!

#this is why i hate hate hate to watch shows that even mention neurodivergency because its always misrepresentation #(except for heartbreak high i love you quinni!!) #autism culture #autism #autism spectrum disorder #autistic #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually autistic #asd #autistic things #nd

[aherowhowashappy]

people sometimes ask "oh, how'd you know you're neurodivergent?"

well you see susan, most people don't enjoy watching dozens of seasons of shows from the 2000s in which smart white guys get told they're wrong the whole episode, and then get proven right because they are, as previously stated, very smart.

#neurodiversity #just kidding but also #house md #psych #numb3rs #suits #the mentalist #criminal minds #white collar #did I also mention that every show has the same pool of 40 people to choose from for actors?

[xx-slug-xx]

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist. Only abuse that’s from a narcissist

I am in awe of the fact that in the year 2024, I still see people regularly use this term. Both out in the real world and online.

NPD is an actual disorder. It can be a developmental mental illness that’s traumagenic in nature. It can be simply how someone is, no trauma involved even. Regardless, it’s a form of neurodivergence and it shouldn’t be seen as an inherently bad thing. Just because someone is a narcissist, that doesn’t mean that they are an abuser. There’s no such thing as BPD abuse, schizophrenic abuse, or autistic abuse. People with NPD are neurodiverse, just like (I’m assuming) most other Tumblr users, their brains work differently than that of the norm. That is not a bad thing, just like how there’s nothing wrong with having ADHD. I just really hate when people equate narcissism with abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, even a narcissist. But there is no “abuser mental illness” like people make it out to be.

#tw abuse mention #npd safe #ableism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #npd

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Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel Additional Tags: Fluff, Sensory Overload, Neurodiversity Summary: The world seems overwhelming but Sebastian does his best to help.

So there is also this, might add chapters even

#ao3 #mention of neurodiversity #simi #kimi raikkonen/sebastian vettel #sfw. #sv #kr

[prokopetz]

I grew up before autism was widely talked about, but it's indisputable that nerd culture and austistic culture have always had a big overlap, and I'm not gonna lie, whenever I see folks on Tumblr arguing that autistic people are intrinsically more politically enlightened than neurotypicals, I'm reminded of Usenet chatter from twenty-five years ago talking about how nerds have physically superior brains and what we really need to turn society around is laws to prevent stupid people from breeding. I'm not the only one seeing that parallel, right?

#neurodiversity #neuroscience #eugenics mention

[livixbobbiex]

I love how much we're all talking about neurodivergence here and all but let's all remember that neurodivergent is not ADHD/Autism only.

I've seen a lot of people using those expressions interchangeably and, whilst those are the most common conditions, neurodivergent is a wider label than that.

#personally i think the best approach is to stop using neurodivergent so often? #Like I absolutely love the term #but I think it's better to stick to mentioning the exact conditions #unless you really are talking about neurodivergent stuff as a whole! #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #adhd #actually adhd #autism #dyslexia #dyscalculia #tourettes #ocd #at least i think most people consider that nd

[sappy-sabbath]

as a society can we stop making mental illness/neurodivergency trendy and romanticized. i know more mf who faked claim than ppl who actually had the condition. at the end it just makes the people who are diagnosed with the condition the butt of the joke or look disingenuous.

ALSO IF I MAY be real for a sec!!! it’s because of the “destigmatizing XYZ 🥺” tiktoks and self diagnosing that make this happen, i know they are good intent and not all people have resources but its one thing to be concerned about your mental health and another to claim to have a disorder that you haven’t been diagnosed with!

autism, ADHD, schizophrenia, BPD, bipolar disorder, psychosis, OCD have all became quirks than serious debilitating condition and as someone with ADHD and psychotic depression IM SICK OF ITTTT, it’s different with things like depression and anxiety bc you experience that at least once in your life but it’s getting out of hand

#mental health #neurodivergency #actually mentally ill #mental heath support #mentalheathawareness #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #romanticism #tw fakeclaiming #fakeclaimers dni #anti fakeclaiming #fakeclaiming mention #fuck fakeclaimers #fakeclaiming cw #destigmatization #self diagnosis #self diagnosed autism #self diagnosed adhd #self diagnosers #autism #autistic spectrum #adhd #actually adhd #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #bpd #bipolor #psychosis

[sparrowsortadrawzzz]

pssssst...neurodivergent person.....

reminder to stop picking at your cuticles <33 use an orange stick, some trimmers, and cuticle oil, the owie is not worth it

love you big bunches!

#the sparrow squawks #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #adhd #autism #ocd #anxiety #self care #self care reminder #tw injury mention

[clownrecess]

I was wondering, why don't you speak? Is it a conscious decision for your own comfort or is it that you physically can't? /g /nf

(tw for extremely brief trauma mention)

When I was a small child, I didn't have any speech delays. I developed oral speech at the same time as my peers and was able to adequately communicate using oral speech.

When I was 8, my ability to use oral speech was still existent, and for the most part easy, however when I became distressed oral speech was notably more tiring for me, and would result in me becoming more frustrated and upset. I don't believe this was noticeable to anybody else, but it is something I remember experiencing.

When I was 9 (which was a particularly traumatic time for me), I began loosing speech for short periods of time (like 30 minutes to two hours), and had made a bad quality communication board that I would use around my friends, and had an AAC app on my phone that I would use at home sometimes (albeit it was not taken seriously, and was seen primarily as something I was doing for fun). During these times I physically could not use oral speech, my brain felt like it was preventing me from accessing my oral speech.

At around 10 my difficulty using oral speech increased, and I would have no access to oral speech for time periods of around one day to a week.

When I was 11 I had my first long period of no oral speech, which was four months. During this time I originally began using a free AAC app on a really old android tablet that barely worked. Later on my school provided me with an I-Pad that had both LAMP Words For Life and Proloquo2go on it. I used both, but mostly LAMP because my speech therapist at the time thought it would be better for my personal motor skills.

After that four months I was able to use impaired oral speech at home, but not at school, this lasted for one or two months. During this time I got an android tablet with TalkTabletPRO on it.

After this I used oral speech full time with only very short two hours long nonspeaking periods during times I was really upset (for example when my fish died), for around a year (which was extremely exhausting, because I was forcing myself, which ended up making my mental health horrible and I was terribly burnt out). I was forcing myself to use oral speech at the time because me using AAC was accepted, but treated as less than, and I was scared people would be angry with me.

When I was 12 my oral speech was slowly beginning to decline again.

Later on (maybe mid 13?) I lost all oral speech for two days, and then eventually having oral speech that was really impaired. During this time I also only had acsess to oral speech at home, and not at school. Eventually resulting in a longer fully nonspeaking period.

This continued for a very long time, and my oral speech fluctuated a lot, ranging from short nonspeaking periods to longer ones.

Where I am at currently, I have acsess to zero oral speech (outside of occasionally mumbling hard to understand words when alone as a stim, or to my gecko. These words would not be able to be understood by other people.).

I currently use the same tablet that had TalkTabletPRO on it, except I now use Avaz instead of TalkTabletPRO. Avaz works much better for me, and allows me to use the voice I want to use.

It feels like there is a wall or block in my brain that stops me from acsessing the area of my brain that oral speech is located. I can try to use oral speech, but often times it just physically will not come out at all, or it will come out but is fully incoherent and I cant even understand it. Usually it just wont come out at all, though. It is not a purposeful thing I do for comfort, I physically can not speak.

I use a few different terms to describe my speech, but I usually say I am nonspeaking, primarily nonspeaking, or situationally nonspeaking. I do not feel that the term semispeaking is fitting for me, because I am not a speaking person who loses speech when under stress. I loose oral speech under stress, yes, but also loose it for no reason, and when I loose oral speech it is not usually for short periods. I loose speech for long periods of time and when I do use oral speech it is often impaired (usually just stuttering, but sometimes it is fully incoherent or doesnt match up with what I want to say.). I am also nonspeaking most of the time, which also makes me feel that semispeaking isnt the term for me. I feel most comfortable with being called nonspeaking or primarily nonspeaking, but situationally nonspeaking is also okay. I use AAC almost full time.

My experience is different than life long nonspeakers, because I am a nonspeaking person who lost consistent speech later in life. When I say I am nonspeaking online people tend to think I am a life long nonspeaker, and I want to make it clear I am not. Whilst it is important to listen to my experiences too, it is also important to listen to the experiences of life long nonspeakers.

#situationally nonspeaking #primarily nonspeaking #nonspeaking #actually autistic #aac user #nonspeaking autistic #minimally speaking #high support needs #disability #tw trauma mention #actually neurodiverse

[adhd-culture--is]

adhd culture is that whenever u take ur meds (or just caffeinate yourself) instead of just being like neurotypical, ur Can’t Sit Still Disorder turns into Man I Really Wanna Solve A Sudoku Disorder

#Man I Really Wanna Solve A Sudoku Disorder also goes by names such as #I Can’t Shower Without Clean Clothes & I Can’t Do My Laundry In A Dirty Room So Now I’m Cleaning My Room Disorder #God Didn’t Give Me Focus Because He Feared What I’d Do Disorder #and of course #Holy Shit My Grades Are Good I Must Be Faking It Disorder #(followed by) My Meds Wore Off I Was Not Faking It Disorder #neurodivergent #nd #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #adhd culture is #mod durdle #tw medication #tw meds mention

[cemitadepollo]

@tragicallyphosphorescent

You see, the thing about "sociopaths" it's that they're not real. If you open a psychology book, as you apparently hint to have done at some point, you'll discover that the term you're using isn't only scientifically inaccurate, but an outdated and harmful term used to refer to people with ASPD– Anti-Social Personality Disorder. This cluster B disorder is developed as a coping mechanism by people who suffer from childhood neglect, so people demonize literal abuse survivors for their little "serial killer abuser sociopath" fantasy that they saw in their favorite true crime movie. I would love to know where did you get the objective fact that most "sociopaths" don't seek treatment and hurt people.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, otherwise known as NPD or just "narcissists", is a disorder that's classified in the cluster B category of personality disorders according to the DSM-V, this disorder is also developed because of childhood neglect. People love to armchair diagnose their abusers with this disorder under the ignorant belief that narcissistic people are selfish and that's it, it's used as an interchangeable term, which couldn't be further from reality. So no, I don't believe in "narcissistic abuse". Abuse is just abuse, an abuser is just an abuser, there's no need to slap anything else alongisde that label.

Just because a manifestation of trauma is different it doesn't mean it's bad. People with ASPD and NPD are as likely to abuse someone as a person without them. Lacking empathy doesn't make someone a bad person, empathy is just the capability to instinctually feel another human's feelings, but it's not the same as sympathy or compassion. A good person is one who's actions do good.

Now, I'm not invalidating the abuse anyone has gone through. If you tell me somebody, anybody, abused you, I believe you. But there's no need to demonize disorders in order to find support or validation.

You can find a free PDF of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th edition (DSM-V) easily on the internet, no need to buy the book itself. I suggest you give it a read to clear up that whole "sociopath" thing and to educate yourself more on the narcissistic personality disorder. As a disclaimer, the DSM-V is highly discussed by the neurodivergent community on a regular basis and some individuals, including myself, have a word or two about certain criteria that needs to be met to get a diagnosis, but I'm advising you to read it as a start.

Sincerely, a borderline with fluctuating empathy that's very tired of watching their cluster B siblings get denied treatment and dignity, because in case you didn't know this, lots of us actively seek treatment but get deemed "too hard to treat" or get actively abused by the medic system IF we are even allowed some sort of therapy. As a neurodivergent person, I'd assume you know of the kinds of horrors people like you and me suffer in psych wards, except people with personality disorders and other demonized illnesses still get thrown around and abused since our disorders aren't deemed as "harmless" as people who suffer from depression and anxiety or people with autism.

#ableism #tw narc abuse mention #aspd stigma #tw sociopath slur #s slur #npd stigma #aspd culture is #npd culture is #bpd stigma #bpd culture #cluster b #cluster b disorders #cluster b discussion #neurodiverse stuff #actually cluster b #neurodivergent

[steakout-05]

hell o do any other autistic people dislike the term 'meltdown'? for me, the word has a lot of negative connotations because it feels like i'm being degraded and referred to as an uncontrollable tantruming child. i think i have a lot of trauma associated with the word because every time it's been used about me, it's been from teachers who really should not have been around autistic children at all, using it to describe a kid they did not understand, a kid they only saw as bratty, unreasonable, stupid and purposely hard to deal with. it just makes me feel icky and it feels really infantilising to have a term that's usually associated with bratty kids be used to describe a hard-to-understand, unique and painful inner turmoil caused by sensory distress. but that's just my experience.

you know what? let's put a poll here for funsies because i'm genuinely interested in seeing what the people who come across this post think about the word!!

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #actually autism #autism spectrum disorder #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #audhd #neurodivergency #autistic experiences #sensory overload #sensory issues #sensory processing disorder #disability #ableism #ableism mention #poll #polls #autism poll #first poll post baby!!!!!!! #i'm interested to see what the answers will end up being!! #also i made this into a poll halfway because my brain suddenly went “DATA” and now i'm interested in seeing what results will unfold #i wonder how many other autistic people have a similar experience with this word!!!