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solarpunk-0possum · 23 days

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white queers and antiracism

hi hotties. this is my second post written on the thoughts i've been having about the intersections of race and queerness in my community. I'd suggest you go read my first post so you have a little more context.

Since moving to SE Colorado, I’ve had the opportunity to spend time in communities with people that are new to me. I grew up in eastern Iowa. I haven’t had any experience living in a community that isn’t entirely white before moving to Colorado. Where I moved to, on the other hand, is very diverse. White people are a demographic minority here, with 43% of the town identifying as white. I’m thankful for the many opportunities I’ve had to listen to the Brown people I know here. I’ve learned a lot. Like a lot a lot.

Two times since moving here I’ve encountered organizations that claim to be all-inclusive, but end up being filled with white people. The first was a campus queer organization that I quit. The second is a volunteer organization that I’m definitely reconsidering my relationship with. For both organizations, I have asked the question- in a city that’s 50% Hispanic, why don’t our demographics reflect that?

The biggest thing I’ve found? Even after 2020, after the anti-racism work (performative or otherwise) we did, white queer communities still have a racism problem. It’s just more subtle. More than that, most of us (when I say “we” or “us” in this essay, assume I mean white queers) haven’t done enough decolonization work. Many haven’t even started it. We still live in bubbles of privilege, and people who don’t live that way can tell when we do.

What do I mean by decolonization? As a white AFAB person from the midwest, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best person to define this. I beg of you, don’t let me be the only person you learn about this from. My experience with decolonization so far has entailed a willingness to learn, a willingness to stare privilege in the face, and a radical humility. The first aspect of my life I really worked to decolonize was my relationship with nature. (I strongly recommend reading Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. Anything I have to say on the matter is better said by her.)

The thing about decolonization, though, is that it’s kinda like taking the red pill. (The Matrix was made by trans women. The red pill was intended as an allegory for understanding gender. I do not use this in a bullshit conservative way.) You decolonize one thing about yourself, and through that process, you find a whole lot more stuff to deal with. It’s a slow and uncomfortable process, that requires scrutiny of the most integrated and normal-feeling patterns of your life. It has changed my diet, my relationships with family and friends, my approach to education, my creative process, and much more that I don’t even realize. I’ve had to consider my own relation to race, gender, sexuality, work, ethics, everything! The harms and attitudes created by colonization are still deeply embedded in white American culture. While many white American queers have physically left the communities where this behavior originates, we have yet to decolonize our minds.

Let’s reference the cultural iceberg here. I use this all the time. I love it. It’s a great way to talk about leaving hurtful communities. When white queers leave their hurtful communities, it’s pretty easy for us to change the tip of our cultural icebergs. We start going to pride. We wear new clothes. We go by different names. The surface-level of our lives changes drastically. This is an important part of deconstructing one’s shitty past beliefs. It’s a vital first step, but it’s far from the last one. This is what a lot of white queers fail to understand. Just because you now visually fit into a new group, doesn’t mean you are completely free of the deep culture that you were raised with. While you look different, the shitty puritanical attitudes most of us white queers were raised with haven't gone anywhere. Therefore, there’s a bunch of white queers who are going around taking out their unresolved shit on each other. It sucks.

There’s a lot of ways this manifests in everyday life. Being of that culture myself, I don’t even notice it sometimes. It’s subtle and easy to miss if you don't know what you're looking for. I can only speak to my personal experiences, but I’ve spent a lot of time around white queers. I’m by no means an expert, but I do have pretty good pattern recognition. There’s some repeating behaviors I’ve noticed that I want more white queers to marinate on.

While there’s a lot of incredibly important discussion about the harms of colonization on the colonized, as white people, we need to discuss how it’s hurt us. Colonization, imperialism, and the shitty domination attitudes it brings has caused spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional sickness in white Americans. While we must decolonize for the sake of justice (and that should be reason enough alone), it’s just as important to decolonize for our own sake. In the process of creating a system that gives us white privilege, we’ve given up vital parts of ourselves. We’ve lost our connection to nature, to our pasts, to spirituality, all of it. We’ve sold our souls for the sake of comfort. We must give up that comfort for the sake of our own healing.

White queers need to be far more committed to anti-racism. In both organizations I reference, I have been the person to speak up about the whiteness. I’m one of the younger members of both of these groups. There are people with much more experience in advocacy than I, yet I am the one to speak up. I have a feeling that if I didn't say something about it, things would continue as they are. For people who claim to be so radical, they sure seem ok with the status quo. I’m a little ashamed of it, to be honest. White queers need to do a lot better. If we aren’t committed to decolonizing ourselves, any work we do is going to carry evidence of that, and people will pick up on it.

We really need to figure out how to communicate with each other in healthy ways. I don’t know what it is, but the white queer communities I’ve been in have been notably marked by the most annoying, pointless drama out there. In one org, a lot of people like to joke with each other, but sometimes jokes have gotten mean enough that they’re not funny anymore. As members of an emotionally sick society, we must realize that we’re emotionally sick, too, and we must do the work to be better. We have to take accountability for all of our behaviors.

The definition of “safe space” needs to be fundamentally reconsidered, especially among white queers. I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as a truly “safe space.” We don’t know how to create safe spaces because many of us haven’t experienced one in the first place. We carry unresolved traumas from the past (often ones that are direct consequences of fucked up colonizer behavior, and it's commonly generational) and instead of taking accountability for them we enact them on each other. I’ve been on the receiving end of this multiple times. It is unbelievably soul crushing when a place claiming to be “safe” actually isn’t. In fact, it was places calling themselves “safe spaces” where I have been the most hurt. We say somewhere is a safe space and close our eyes, plug our ears, and whenever someone has an issue we say "BUT THIS IS A SAFE SPACE!" without doing any real work. It's performative. If that's not annoying-ass white people shit, I don't know what is. We need to put our money where our mouth is. Just because a place is safe for white queers doesn’t mean it’s a safe place for others. We really need to figure that shit out.

If we are truly seeking justice, we must understand solidarity. In fact, we must be radically committed to it. My liberation is fundamentally wrapped up in the liberation of everyone else. Even if I as a white queer person can live a life with relative freedom, if someone else doesn’t get that, my freedom is at risk. If one person isn’t free, than none of us are free. Even if we have perceived freedom, what we call freedom is actually privilege. If systems of injustice exist anywhere, than any of us can have our rights taken away. To be the best allies we can, white queers must accept that systems of injustice are still alive and well in our communities. We will not be liberated until everyone is!

We have to do the work. It’s not easy work- like I said earlier, it really does involve a fundamental reassessment of your whole paradigm and way of life. We have to look our privilege right in the face, really sit with that discomfort. That’s not easy. Through that work, we will be able to truly see the dynamics of our privilege. It is not any of our faults that we have privilege, but it is our fault if we are complacent in it. White queers must go beyond being aware of privilege. We must decide how we are going to use our privilege to dismantle the system that creates it. It isn’t comfortable, but it’s worth it, and it’s the only way we can find genuine, sustainable, long-term healing.

I am reminded of a quote from Mindfulness in Plain English, by Bhante Gunaratama. (Total side note, this book is great, the way they teach meditation was the first thing that worked for me!) It goes “Ignorance may be bliss, but it does not lead to liberation."

Ignorance is a privilege that not everyone has. If we truly want liberation, we must understand this an make a radical decision to give it up. It might not be comfortable, but do you know what’s more uncomfortable? Being a Brown person in a room of ignorant white people who think their queerness exempts them from antiracism work. I'd rather deal with the emotional discomfort of decolonization than make someone else go through the discomfort of dealing with my ignorant white ass. It's a privilege to be ignorant. Don't be a jackass.

I think it's good practice to leave some advice on decolonizing yourself, to turn this from complaining about problems yet doing nothing about it, into complaining about problems and doing something. Do your own research for sure. I'm no expert. Just a jackass on tumblr with some big feelings about how my fellow european americans are really failing to be good antiracists. I mentioned Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer earlier, but honestly, just set a priority to learn from Brown people. Read books written by Brown authors. Look for diverse entertainment. Make it a radical priority in your life to seek out the opinions of all marginalized groups no matter the issue. The people who are being fucked over by the system usually have the most valuable insight on how to fix it. Humble yourself, shut your mouth, and listen. You will have time to yap later. People are usually pretty down to share their thoughts with you if you approach the situation with humility and a willingness to learn.

#solarpunk #antiracism #intersectionality #queer #seriously guys it's not that hard #you will learn more and be more effectively challenged by listening to people different than you. always #and know the discomfort this causes is pretty temporary. because then you get the benefits of decolonizing ur mind #and trust me it's pretty worth it #my life is better all-around because i am committed to decolonizing my brain. i feel better

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askanaroace · 1 year

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I’ve been thinking about coming out to my friends for a while now. I’ve only ever come out to one person, and it was over text and I did a pretty bad job of explaining aromanticism.

I also would like to send them some links to articles or other media talking about/explaining aromanticism. Do you have any recommendations? Or advice?

I’m sorry if I sound dumb or if this question has already been asked a million times, I just want to make sure I come out in a good way.

AUREA is the leading (and pretty much only) dedicated resource on aromanticism, and includes both a resources page and a page with coming out advice.

The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project has resources as well, including a downloadable pdf version of their glossary, though in its entirety, that might be overwhelming to provide to the people you're coming out to. But they have a ton of helpful pages, including this downloadable 101 primer on aromanticism.

Aromantic Guide is a nicely parsed out, concise resource on learning aromanticism 101. Queer Condensed did a pretty nice pamphlet, but for the best resolution version, you have to get access to the google drive. >.>

There's wikis for everything, and while I find it's easy for them to fall behind, they're great to provide quick and easy definitions to others.

Aros have spent a lot of time here on tumblr carving out spaces for ourselves and educating others. Especially those of us with blogs dedicated to aro advocacy and education I'm sure would not mind you linking to any posts of ours that you find helpful. (I've got a bunch of contextual posts on various coming out scenarios, for example.)

With increasing awareness and advocacy projects, February is a pretty good month to find articles and interviews about aromanticism, like these pieces: "Do You Lack Desire for Romance?" by Goalpost and "11 Things You Need to Know for A Successful Aromantic Relationship" by bonobology (neither of which is perfect - they still claims all aro people desire intimacy - but would be okay for introducing people to the concept). Along better lines, Queerious did a serious of interviews to get a variety of aromantic perspectives on aromanticism and the issues facing us.

To be honest, I would not spend much time trying to gather a lot of sources for your friends. For the most part, people are going to be unlikely to click and read through any link you send them, especially if you send them a lot. I would pick one link and one TAAAP download that are concise and clear. When you come out, people's first instinct is to ask you. People tend to not want to go out of their way to learn more but can be more willing to listen to what it means to you. (Are there some people who are genuinely good allies who will not mind self-educating? Certainly! But I would prepare for the more common scenario and expect people to ask you questions regardless of how well they might be answered in your speech/text.)

Remember, you are just you. Regardless of the pressures on you, the only person you can speak for is yourself. You don't need to represent all of us. You don't need - especially during your coming out - to represent the entire variety of aromantic feelings and experiences. All you need to do is talk about you. Further education can and will come later. People will make assumptions and many of those will be incorrect. Learning is a continuous process. Coming out is a continuous process (unfortunately). You don't have to say everything all at once. Boil it down to the most important information (you're aromantic & what this means in your words) and know that it will likely come up later and there will be chances for you to expand on various things you want to expand on.

Also, just because someone appears not to understand aromanticism, don't be hard on yourself. It's on them to be open-minded enough to care to learn, and unfortunately, some people just aren't (especially on a first reaction before they've had time to think and process).

Good luck!

#aromantic #aro #resources #coming out #coming out 101 #aromantic 101 #arospec #aro spectrum #aromantic spectrum #ask #anonymous

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withlovelunette · 11 months

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Hey! I hope everything regarding your health works out! I love your blog, you're an angel for imparting all this knowledge for free. I love your posts they're invaluable!!

I wanted to ask your opinion on referencing songs lyrics or modern artists while writing? My ideas are so tied to the songs I listen to, i sometimes really want to incorporate them into what im writing. Especially bc often i feel like my character liking certain songs says a lot about them but I've never actually seen this done well when ive read it in other works. It always comes off awkward and out of place (imo) - do you have any advice? is it better to just leave it out entirely?

Please take the time you need to respond <3 I hope you get well soon! Good luck with everything!

Hello hello! Thank you so much for the good wishes :,D <3 And I'm so relieved this blog has been helpful for you, thank you for the ask!

I'll preface by saying that I don't write in very modern settings anymore, but I do have some experience from some of my older projects, as well as from reading books that include songs, so I'll try my best to help you tackle this issue!

For if you have a specific song in mind!

Firstly, and this one is probably the most obvious one, is to make sure that the song actually suits the setting that you're writing in! This is pretty straightforward when writing in contemporary settings (regardless of whether you're specific about the year your story is set in or if you're keeping it vague). If you have a specific time and place in mind, it's pretty much just a quick google search to see if the song was around back then. If you have a vaguer time and place (say, 1980s), you'll want to make sure that the technology/events/celebrities you're including don't accidentally specify the year, in case it contradicts your song choices. This also applies to mentioning artists!

But if your setting is more fictional (even if it's based on our world), this becomes a lot more subjective, and ultimately comes down to whether or not you feel like it fits into the setting.

Onto the actual "how to incorporate music" bit; one way you can go about it is to primarily refer to the music by name and describe your character's experience listening to that music, and then readers can always just look up the song themselves. I believe Haruki Murakarmi did this in Norwegian Wood! He might've included a few lyrics (it's been a while since I read the book, so I can't say for sure), but for the most part, he only refers to the Beatles song by name and describes the song through the characters experiencing it. This allows you to both describe the general vibe of the song to the audience in case they're unfamiliar, while also conveying the characters' relationship with the song.

Another way you can do it is to include lyrics in your writing, and I imagine this is the one you often find to be awkward and out of place, maybe? (I've definitely found them a bit awkward ^^;) I'll be transparent here and say that I generally don't like to include lyrics in my writing, particularly because it can lead to copyright issues if it's not in the public domain, but also because I find this to bring a lot of show vs tell issues for me (as in, it feels very "on the nose"). The main way I've tried to sidestep this issue is by having characters sing parts of the lyrics themselves, and sort of weave it into the dialogue, but it can definitely still come off as awkward if it's not done well. By having characters sing specific parts out loud, you're kinda highlighting which parts of the lyrics stick out to that particular character; but again, this can definitely be a very on-the-nose solution, so I'd really recommend to use lyrics sparingly!

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins includes a fair share of lyrics in it (though they're fictional songs), so maybe give that book a read-through and see if you like her format!

For if you don't have a specific song in mind/songs that don't have lyrics!

This section is more so dedicated to situations where you might not have a specific song, or if the song you've picked doesn't have any lyrics (such as classical pieces), since the solution here is more or less the same.

In these situations, I'd recommend to go the "describe the vibe of the song + how the character experiences the song" route! If it's a song that doesn't have lyrics, but has a name, you can also name it, similarly to what Murakami did in Norwegian Wood. You mentioned that songs can say a lot about a character, and you can often achieve similar effects just by describing the songs that they're listening to as well.

A character who listens to intense, grimy metal with a heavy bass and distorted electric guitar is going to give off a very different image than a character who listens to melodic piano pieces with softened, delicate strings harmonising in the background. It often helps to have specific songs as a reference for these descriptions, even if you don't outright name any songs! I also find that using descriptions that don't typically describe sounds can be very fun to experiment with (such as describing as something sounding "sour"). These can get a bit flowery sometimes, but it can still be a lot of fun to write! :,)

– Outro

Hope this helped you out a little bit! Honestly, lyrics can be very tricky to incorporate, so I completely understand the struggle ^^; And as always, if I was unclear/confusing about anything, or if there's anything else, let me know! Thank you for the ask!

#answered asks #writing advice

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foreverandmoretarot · 10 months

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how to know if you have a soulmate and get signs from them?

hi! thank you sm for asking! i want to start off by saying everyone has a soulmate. you may have one, or multiple, but at least one. it could be romantic or platonic too.

i'd say most people probably won't meet their soulmate in this life. it takes a lot of personal growth to actually reach them, and most wont want to experience the necessary struggles.

i have an oddly strong connection to my soulmate, so it makes communicating and reaching him a lotttt easier, but even then i'd still say this journey is one hell of a ride.

another thing to take in account is if your soulmate wants to/is in the right space to meet you. they may still be working on themselves, feel fulfilled with the people in their life, have different beliefs than you, live far away, etc. but i dont say all this to discourage you!! trying wont hurt, and even connecting with them spiritually rather than their human self on earth can be just as fulfilling!

so onto your second question, how do you get signs from them? my main "sign" is telepathy, which is a weird concept for me to explain skdkd. ive never really explained my personal methods to anyone, so sorry if this comes off odd. for me, i think of it as giving him access to my current thoughts rather than sending a message all the way over to him.

im sure your next question is, how do you send a telepathic message?

the most common way is to visualize your message through images, and think of the person/entity and imagine it traveling towards them. that method has worked 50/50 for me

what i do instead isnt really a method, rather something i realized i could do and brought results. i sort of focus on something and say a word/phrase inside my head. you know that little voice you use to think that isnt actually saying something but you can hear it? some refer to it as your inner monologue. its like that, except theres also this "white noise" type sound/feeling i add. it helps when theres no loud sounds around me, i close my eyes, and repeat the phrase a few times to make sure it sent clearly. sometimes i also visualize the words to help

another method is dreams! meeting up with your soulmate in a lucid dream, using dream meanings to get messages, etc. i like this one because its really relaxed and you may find dreams easier to interpret than other spiritual methods

theres also tarot cards and pendulums. i'd say these ones are a little tricky because unless you do it yourself- you may not fully trust the person to be interpreting it properly or having your best interest at hand. i'd say take whatever resonates!

angel numbers

letters and objects. you can write a letter to your soulmate and at the end, ask for them to put an object, animal, word, etc in your life to show theyve read it. some burn the letter, bury it in soil, or place it in nature. for example, if you had the word stork, you'll see one randomly where you wouldnt expect. or if you had the word dictionary, someone would bring it up in a conversation. the sign while definitely stick out

songs. not as often now, but when i'd listen to music, a specific line of a song just really stuck out to me. it was like when you get a shiver down your spine except with my mind? i think those could have been things he wanted to say to me. but id recommend listening to random playlists and you might find songs with lyrics that resonate a lot

these are just some things ive used that worked for me, you may discover your own methods in your journey! i think theres beauty in letting the universe show you things in a unique way meant specially for you. music is an important part in both his and my life, which is why i think the song lyrics is a way for us to communicate. even though ive never heard of someone having that sign, it works for me. so overall dont stress it, dont force yourself, and have fun loving your other half :)

#first post #soulmates #soulmatism #spiritualgrowth #spirtuality #divination #telepathy

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scenekidfancams · 11 months

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4 Cool Gay / queer artists and for pride this year (2023)

I wanted to help some queer and ally musicians boost their songs. As a trans-woman I think its important to understand that pride is important as much as change. Focusing on the hardships we have faced is very important but our victories are much more. So here are some (4) artists I (rose) recommend for pride.

Mikie mayo (any/all pronouns).

Mikie mayo (aka bunny boy) is a definitely hard to pin down Philly musician and occasional roller-coaster content creator. Mikie can be seen dabbling anything from indie pop, easycore, scene metalcore with bay area and internet rapper legend Lil B, scene electropop hyperpop, eurodance and dance pop about roller coasters and go karts, to beach pop, generally being pretty much a banger machine. Mikie's music is like ice cream w/ your favorite toppings on a warm summer day, very good and sugary sweet.

(photos by cam.i.z on ig)

these are my favorite songs / music videos by mikie mayo

youtube

Mikie has requested I let you know they have a new song about their partner and the couch they have.

click here to pre-save.

(photo by @ h0t_t0xiic on IG, couch and art by mikie's partner @ HoneyHatCompositions on IG )

FFO: eichlers, falloutboy, I set my friends on fire, dynasticc, dreamrats, cedar point amusement park, glaive, 100 gecs, etc.

(photos by rae mystic)

We Are The Union

I'm gonna cut to the chase on this one. If you want an emotional experience as a trans woman / transfemme or really any trans person to make you not feel alone and like ska / ska punk listen to Ordinary Life by we are the union. the first time I heard morbid obsessions I was working a part time (as full time really) at home depot in my small hometown in pa. I felt like as a trans woman and generally depressed person I couldn't be myself and go back to school. My boss there was the most transphobic piece of shit, and he always misgendered me and but me down. it wasn't until I quit that job and when I shifted to being myself inspired by my thoughts at the time that I accepted that I was fully a trans woman. I really related and still relate to Miss Reade Wolcott and her struggles with gender identity and be a trans woman in a transphobic world but also like her I am who I am. I would also could relate to jer and their struggles of being boxed in music genres and having what they love constantly undermined and diminished / not taken what I have to say seriously as a queer person.

youtube

FFO: New Tone, hoity toity, catbite, Eichlers, Bad operation, Kill Lincoln, etc.

Genres: ska pop, ska punk, alternative ska.

(photo by jtphotos)

Jisei (leda xo its/its and alexis she/they)

Jisei are the best queergrind band I have ever heard. the most raw queer emotions I have ever heard. Some of the best riffs I have ever heard. Imagine deathcore for the girls and the gays. The duo also make the most real lyrics I have heard in a while. For example one of I think the most topical songs they have had is "Pull Yrself Up by Your Pleasers". Pull Yrself Up by Your Pleasers being about christian nationalism and the alt-right abusing and tearing away the seperation of church and state without seeing a hint of irony. I hate the "Just asking questions" transphobia , and even though that might seem like solely a usa proving that Jisei hailing from vancouver proves that transphobia is a worldwide issue and if so called "cis allies" aren't for us 100+ %, fuck 'em.

FFO: Thotcrime, Sissy xo, hopscotch battlescars, Suicide Silence, and a lovely day for bloodshed.

Genres: Cybergrind, cyberdeath, deathgrind, deathcore, queercore and queergrind

seeyouspacecowboy.

(band photo by shutter happy jose)

last on the list here we have the one of the most popular queer scenecore bands ever. see you space cowboy. the most gay and hard band at the same time they well as sass as much as hardcore. Picture if saosin, the devil wears prada, or thrice, and/or attack attack! were queer and trans and say exclaimed faggot as fun mosh call. That would be see you space cowboy, started by brother and sister connie and ethan, seeyouspacecowboy is one of the most popular bands in screamo, metalcore and hardcore, and scenecore all at the same time. will excellent songwriting and angsty queer lyrics complimented with crushing riffs and piercing panic chords, seeyouspacecowboy will worm your way into your heart and crush your rib-cage at the same time. As a fan of vocalist connie sgarbossa, she was one of the people who helped me come out as a trans woman in the first place. The fact that a queer trans woman who screamed and force herself to the front inspirational. Yeah the fact we have to be forced to be heard kinda sucks, but it can be done and her presence in the scene made that very well known. Also it kinda helps that they spread the word on trans liberation and mental health from and trans and queer perspective and what can be done to combat transphobia in a very passionate and heartfelt way. I highly recommend their whole catolgue from their sass/whitebelt eras, to their metallic hardcore stuff, to mall scenecore era currently.

Genres: Scenecore, sasscore, whitebelt, queercore, "screamo", mall screamo, metalcore, scene metalcore, hardcore, metallic hardcore.

FFO: attack attack!, tdwp, i set my friends on fire, lacerated, thrice, norma jean, and underoath etc.

pride should be celebrated.

one last thing from a trans woman,

gender doesn't always equal sex.

gendered pronouns / pronouns in general have existed since the beginning of time.

drag queens aren't always trans.

trans people don't care about where you pee and where you are, they just wanna pee in their gendered bathroom.

cis isn't a slur.

terf isn't a slur.

leave trans people alone.

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rigelmejo · 2 years

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Out of curiosity I wanted to guess at how many hours I’ve studied.

FSI puts Chinese at requiring 2200 class hours to get to ~B2 level. (Japanese is also in the 2200 class hours estimate).

Some people in forums suggest that if self studying, you may want to double that amount. Their reasoning being that FSI students usually do 2200 class hours with a teacher, and do significantly additional study on their own. While I see how that could factor, I think FSI estimates are at least a good “minimum” study hours to aim for. For me, I need a goal to reach, any specific goal will do. At least until I surpass it and need a new one. So at the minimum I try to assume I’ll need at Least the FSI recommended hours, or more. I found FSI’s estimate of hours needed for French to be very close to how much I needed to study.

This wonderful calculator on Autolingo.com can tell you about how long it will take for you to get to the language level you’d like to! That calculator gave me fairly realistic results, and I think it does a great job at showing realistically how many hours you’ll want to study per day to make the progress you want in a given amount of months/years. That way no one makes a mistake like me thinking Japanese can be learned to B1 in one year with only 30 minutes of study a day.

I tried to test the calculator, to give me about when I hit B1 in Chinese after I started studying. I consider this, for these purposes, when I could: start reading extensively without a dictionary MOST things although with detailed to only overall main idea comprehension depending on the material, start watching any show without a dictionary and getting only overall main idea to significant details depending on material, and could start listening to audio only material and start grasping main idea of some things (so listening was probably A2), could have general conversations about most things as long as i could ask questions (so again probably A2 rather than B1). The stats that matched the actual timeline I had best on the calculcator were: Language (Chinese Mandarin), start level Complete Beginner A0, Experience Knowledge of more than one language, Motivation Very high motivation (I had to set this high or else it didn’t match the hours I know I studied to get to that ~B1 level), 1 study session a day at 1.5 hours a day (in reality I did some days of 1 consistent hour, some of 2-4 consistent hours, some of 8-10 study hours, and some days/weeks of absolutely no studying, so 1-2 hours average daily study time is my best guess).

The calculator gave me a time frame of 2 years, 3 months to get to B1 level after starting to study chinese. I think that’s fairly close to what I experienced. At the beginning of year 2 I noticed being able to extensively read pretty much anything I picked up for at Least the overall main idea (and many to all details depending on if I was really familiar with the topic), I remember I tested reading Goodbye My Princess, SCI, LiuLi, Peach Blossom Debt, some news, weibo posts, etc. around that time. At the end of year 1 I started doing much more listening practice, and by the start of year 2 I was starting to be able to follow audio dramas main overall idea and pick up some level of detail if re-listening (however I’m STILL awful at understanding podcasts), I think my listening skills and production skills lagged however and were more A2 level at the start of year 2. Speaking/writing was like I said, also lacking, I had gotten to the point I could have live conversations over the phone and ask questions in chinese (like when i didn’t know the word for flag), but my speaking/writing comfort level was definitely only daily life/hobbies/interests questions (and my active vocab was limited to that unless i looked up words or asked the person i was talking to what the word was). I could watch shows from when Word of Honor came out onward with no english subs (so Spring 2021 after about 1 year of learning) so by year 2 I could grasp most details although sometimes not all from shows with chinese subs, follow non-subbed shows overall main idea, and follow unfamiliar genre chinese shows for overall main idea with subs and some details. This was a nice spot to get to because I was able to start listening to shows in between doing other stuff/looking at multiple things like with english. I’m in year 3 and currently working on comprehending shows with audio only (no chinese subs) and increasing vocabulary in genres I’m less familiar with.

For B2, with Very High motivation the calculator says it will take about 3 years, 8 months (from when I started learning). and with High Motivation it will take about 4 years, 4 months. I think this range is probably correct for me. So I likely have about 8-16 months to get to B2. Again, I think my speaking/writing will lag and probably be more like ~B1 by then. But I can already tell all the reading is improving my listening comprehension a lot (I have been practicing with condensed audio and I follow dialogue quite easily now, follow audiobooks better than in the spring without relistens like in the spring, am getting better at following audio dramas, and I should probably start trying to listen to news and podcasts my weakest listening points). Reading has also improved my speaking a bit (or its all feeding into each other), my active vocabulary that’s easy to immediately think to say is much bigger than in the spring, if and when I start journaling I expect my writing to get at least broader in topic even if grammar will remain YIKES until i sit down and make myself do some written exercises with examples some month. Listening and Reading in around a year (like the calculator’s estimate), I would like to have good enough to read my print chinese novels in a speed and comfort close to when I read in english. I’m getting there already with some novels, but I’d like to broaden how many novels feel readable until (like english) I can just pick up whatever one I’ve got. I think this goal is feasible, considering I 1. have a high tolerance for ambiguity so I can reach this ‘comfort’ without being as perfect as maybe someone with less tolerance for vagueness, 2. I made a goal to read a TON recently and its going well, and it seems the number of characters read Does add up (I’m aiming for 4 million characters read but in the short term getting to 1 million this year would be nice ToT). 3. I already notice stuff getting significantly easier to read even after just these ~300k characters read in September-October. I think continuing to read digitally is what I’ll continue for a while though because it lets me increase new words known and listening skills at a faster rate then reading my print books would. (But saying this who knows if I’ll push through a print book randomly without warning in a week, I don’t know the future!). I’d also like my listening skills to get up to FOLLOW THE MAIN IDEA OF MOST AUDIOBOOKS even if details escape me. Because the sooner I can listen to chinese audiobooks for main plot on the first listen through, the sooner I can do more stuff I want to. ToT

So yeah. Back to the original reason I made this post. How many hours have I studied??? 365 days in a year x 3 years = 1095 days. 1095 days x 1 hour of study a day = 1095 study hours. So I have at minimum probably studied that long. If I studied 1.5 hours on average a day? 1642.5 hours. If I studied 2 hours on average a day? 2190 hours.

Now, I don’t think I’m B2 yet, even though FSI says 2200 hours for B2 in mandarin. So either yes, maybe a self studier like me needs to double the hours estimate lol. OR, I probably studied closer to 1 hour on average daily. Not bad progress at all, for 1 hour a day.

I saw someone give a suggestion, that to find out how long each goal level (A1-C2) takes, take the hour estimate (so B2 taking 2200 hours) and divide that by 2 for each level under. So if B2 takes 2200 hours, B1 takes 1100 hours to reach. A2 takes 550 hours, A1 takes 275 hours. I personally think these estimates seem to match my experience with chinese fairly well, and I aimed for that A2 level ASAP so I could push into reading as quickly as possible (I enjoy learning by reading most). According to my estimate of how many study hours I’ve done, I’ve probably done 1.5 average study hours daily, probably studied 1642.5 hours. As that would put me a bit into B1, but not at B2 level yet.

So I personally think I probably studied 1-1.5 hours daily on average (as in some days not at all and some days anywhere from 1 hour - 10 hours). I think I’ve probably studied 1095 to 1642.5 hours so far. Which means I’ve got 557.5 to 1105 hours I still need to study to get to B2.

Thankfully, reading books takes a lot of time, so I think I’ll manage to hit that goal as long as I stay on this reading kick (just look at any audiobook play time for hours spent reading ToT Tian Ya Ke is like 27 hours, Guardian is like 55 hours, cnovels are LONG). Also of personal note, as my listening improves I noticed some pronunciation errors I’ve been making. Problem is I used to use an app that tested pronunciation and graded it to fix mine, and that app was only for Apple so I can’t use it on my current Samsung phone. Does anyone know of any chinese pronunciation app that gives you a grade on your pronunciation and then lets you re-record until you’ve said it properly? I used to use the Apple app 普通话学习 but as I mentioned, I can’t find a substitute app on the Google Play App store.

I think this estimate of my study time is also a little lesson (for my future self) on how you don’t need to go ham to get results. 1 hour average daily is not that much, especially compared to the people on some language forums that aim for 4-8 hours a day. I also know I do ‘study’ as pretty much anything I am doing where I learn or practice improving my chinese. So once I got into year 2 of study, that included stuff like listening to audiobooks/audio dramas/condensed audio in the background as I worked or cleaned or walked or drove (which was an easy way to get at least a half hour of ‘study’ time on most days even when I did nothing I actually focused on and put effort into). That also started including (partly) time spent watching cdramas with english subs I was going to watch anyway, and just spending some time on listening to the actual audio and trying to figure out the new words I heard (i finally learned 交代 fully yesterday just watching Cang Lan Jue with the english subs really hammering wtf it means in context). I don’t count time with english subs as study, but now that I know more chinese I can sometimes learn a bit of new stuff even just listening to the chinese words or comparing the chinese hardsubs to the english subs, and that adds up. The times I look up pingxie and dmbj fansongs and read along to the lyrics, or a cdrama I like’s ost and read along to the lyrics to try and sing along, that adds up even though its only 5 minutes here and there. When I find a video I like on bilibili (usually manhua with voice acting bits lately lol) I’m sucked in for a good half hour, that adds up. I’ve been picking at the dmbj novels these past few weeks, reading for 5-10 minute bursts as breaks from work, or from whatever I’m doing (I don’t focus long I need multiple things to do), or to bounce between reading chinese and english stuff (cause i’m also on an english reading kick - but again i need to switch activities often or i get bored and stop doing much of anything ToT). It all adds up! Did I study not at all yesterday, or did all that dmbj reading add up to an hour, the listening to ost music trying to catch the lyrics add up to half an hour, the 2 hours watching Cang Lan Jue add up to at least some time of me listening to the audio primarily, the time i spent on the new Time Raiders phone game with chinese on trying to speed read the text before it closes - did that add up to an hour? Did I study not at all, or 2+ hours yesterday. I don’t know. I just did what I’d be doing anyway. My point with this is just... don’t think the random things you do don’t count, because they do. They seem small, they seem for indulgence, they can count as the study time adding up too though.

And that’s also maybe one of the most useful bits to take from Immersion study plan styles, the idea to integrate what you’re learning into your usual hobbies and activities anyway. Its hard for me to make time to sit down and focus for 2 hours on only chinese. But its fairly easy to read a couple paragraphs to take breaks from other stuff when i’d be reading something on the web anyway, hear a couple lines when i watch what i’d already be watching, listen to an audio drama or ost songs i like while driving, hear some chinese on my dance/singing playlist. You get the idea. (Immersion study methods also work great if you learn by doing, though I’m a bit of a grab-what-works-for-me type so I don’t do all they recommend, and some people do a lot more ‘study’ per day then I ever could).

Anyway! Well, lets see if next August 2023 if I get to those reading listening goals! \(ToT)/

(that calculator I linked is really cool if you do like looking at timelines given study time you can do, feel free to check it out and adjust language/hours/goals etc!)

(also, if you’re more organized than me and you actually do track your study time properly, I’d love to hear people’s study hours time in relation to when they hit certain language levels!)

#rant #progress #2022 #reading progress #study hours #calculcator #how long it will take to learn a language #how long to learn a language #future me figure out how to find this rip #anyway WOW the time flies! over 1000 hours i studied chinese! wow

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sluttish-armchair · 1 year

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How did you start learning composition?

Oh! Thanks for the question…

Uh... I used to fuck around in GarageBand on my dad’s (who is also a multi-instrumentalist) iPad 2 as a kid… just seeing what all the instruments and settings did because it just seemed like the cool thing to do. I put together a few pre-programmed note patterns by following a metronome as I switched chords in a way I thought sounded good. But I never really cracked the code on actually composing things…

However!

Sometimes my brain randomly makes up melodies in my sleep as a result of stress and/or being sick. My brain will dredge up the two most recent songs to have been stuck in my head, and smash them together in a way that creates a new melody (I don’t fucking know… it’s weird and I hate it sometimes). I relied on this method to create songs for quite some time. But the only problem with that was, I was almost never able to hold onto that mashup after I heard it.

So! Whenever I got a cool idea like that, I had to purposefully, consciously play it over and over in my head in order to remember it… which was incredibly painful.

At this point, I did compose one song entirely in my brain during lunch in high school, while fully awake. I was trying to come up with something for a project in creative writing class. The choices for the final exam were a storybook, a poetry collection, or a single song, fully written, sung, and recorded with backup. I just kind of sat down and concentrated really hard until I came up with something that sounded like the skrunkly bastard child of Kikuo’s “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” and Circus Contraption’s “If I told you once,” as those were the two songs I was listening to a lot. So that was a success.

But, my brain feverishly presenting songs to itself is still not composing.

So! For reasons I will not specify (out of respect), I got a kalimba. I was determined to Git Gud like the YouTubers I listened to. I learned how to play simple melodies, and after a few months, I began experimenting with harmonies, dissonance, and chords… basically just fucking around and finding out (as is my method for everything in life… I literally have no idea what I’m doing until I’m up to my shoulders in it… I mean, I don’t recommend it for everything, but sometimes the best way is to just to get your grubby little hands all over it, you know? Music is one of those things.)

Right now, I just start playing random notes; if I hear something that sounds good, I do it again, adding a few more notes. It’s like a game of Simon, but you’re kind of following your own lead, if that makes sense. I suck ass at vocal harmonies and generally doing backing tracks that aren’t just octave-downpitched rehashes of the main melody with added frills… but I’m working on it. Listening to The Beatles has definitely helped, because they use a LOT of countermelodies and distortions. Maybe I should listen to more Gamelan music too, because Gamelan music is interlocking countermelodies.

Oh and I don’t know if this is relevant, but I cannot read music… so you don’t really need to if you don’t want to (unless it helps… idk we’re all different). Plenty of musicians don’t read music: Dasu and The (aforementioned) Beatles, for instance.

TL, DR: Find an instrument and spend the day with it like you’re two lovers spooning in a gondola (or like two good friends having a conversation with each other, if you happen to be touch-averse).

#asks

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cowboyb1ues · 2 years

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No one cares but here’s my rundown for the best books I’ve read in a long time

Catch-22 by Joseph Keller

I refuse to shut up about this book it’s legit one of the best pieces of fiction I’ve ever read. And if you haven’t read I highly encourage you to do so. Really is a book of the lost generation and captures the sense of confusion and the feelings of rage that the soldiers experienced whilst being incredibly entertaining and emotional. Give it a go, trust me

Flights by Olga Tokarczuk

Listen man, i don’t even know where to start with this one. It’s soooooooo good and incredibly insightful and truly makes you ponder over humanity. It’s not structured as a typical novel what so ever but in my opinion it just adds to the experience. There are some slight graphic details in it from time to time, just so you know if you wanna give it a read :))

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Ohh boy, this one is juicy! But so good! It took my a while to get into it (something with it being French and written in the 1800s😬) but after I reached the halfway point I just swallowed it whole. Once again it shows some very interesting takes on humanity and especially the limitations of human justice/revenge. I think there’s an abbreviated version but I read the thick one (1200 pages) and would definitely recommend!!

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

I know there’s a lot of discourse regarding this one and if it’s glorifies pain and suffering, but I don’t really think so!! It’s definitely not an easy read, and if you’re considering reading it please read the warnings for it, bc Yanagihara doesn’t sugarcoat anything. In my opinion it delves with the limitations of humanity and how much pain can a person take before it becomes unbearable and the sometimes ever lasting struggles. I need to read it again but I’m not ready for the pain😓

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

This one was so good like I still think about it even though it’s been a while. The story itself is amazing and how it deals with social issues like sexuality and class is really interesting. But I think what I like most of all is the symbolism in it all (not gonna spoil but like if you have read it please talk to me bc I need to scream about it). Very short and definitely with a read!

#did you guys know I like to read?#should we start a book club?#please tell me about the books you’re reading!!! I wanna know all of your thoughts and feelings!!#also let me know if you have read some of these and disagree with me!!!

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dealbrekker · 2 years

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Okay so first of all, sorry, I haven't existed here in a while. I keep on meaning to send many asks but it always just doesn't happen.

Second of all, yes, I sent that ask about Dracula Daily ages ago but that doesn't really matter. I did it, I subscribed to the service and got my best friend and dad to subscribe to it too. It's definitely not late as it goes on for many months. You can read the past chapters of it on the archive and catch up fast. Most chapters aren't super long either. Plus you'll enjoy the memes more and get to read an actually good classic book at the same time.

Third of all, I've seen a few good movies lately. I've only gone to a movie theater twice this year and those were to watch The Batman and Everything Everywhere All At Once. Both were fantastic but very different. Would recommend. I had also seen the movie Rebecca a few months ago. I can understand why you and many have liked it.

Fourth of all, yesterday I discovered that listening to the tetris theme (1989 version) helps me focus on whatever I'm trying to do. Managed to finish an assignment I had been avoiding for a few weeks listening to the tetris theme for an hour. Almost everyone around me thought it sounded annoying after a few minutes but I just think it sounds like my braincells operating.

Fifth of all, I have experienced brief, fleeting moments of feeling like an unspecified fictional character when I got to take pictures with a polaroid camera and type on a typewriter. I still need to find nice clothing and I can just make myself into an oc.

This was long but I finally had the mental capacity to say anything. Hello

Kpop anon

I'll try to get to Dracula eventually. I'm half way through the book I'm reading, but mainly only find time to read on the weekends. Since I moved into the office at work and have to concentrate on what I do now, I can't listen to audiobooks and podcasts while at work. So my morning commutes are when I catch up on the podcasts.

After I'm done the book I'm reading, I want to pick a Barbara Michaels book to reread (the other pen name of Elizabeth Peters). I'm in the mood for a comfort read.

I think the last time I played tetris was in my freshman year of college. I played it so much and stared at my screen so long that I got a migraine from it and haven't played since lol. I vaguely remember the music though, and can see how it would be helpful to study to. I've always been better at studying and working in silence, myself.

My friend and I just went to the theater just over a week ago to see The Lost City. It was cute and silly, which is something I needed. I recommend if you just want something to giggle at and waste time doing.

As for your typewriter experience. I just want a secluded cottage in a pretty garden/forest from which I can drink tea and write stories on a typewriter. What a life.

ON TO THE NEXT ASK!!!!

#kpop anon #ask #anon

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why-arent-you-reading · 2 years

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The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, by V.E. Schwab. It was the first book I read this year, but I'm pretty sure it's the best one. It's definitely the most beautiful, in the way that the words felt so precious that I felt like I had to treat the pages like they were fragile. As soon as I finished it, I felt the urge to re-read it, again and again. Maybe I'd be content with it being the only book I could ever read again.

Alone With You in the Ether, by Olivie Blake. When I read The Atlas Six, I knew immediately that I would want to read anything Olivie Blake had written and will ever write. And this one? This was magical. Minimalist plot and characters, focused on a relationship and it's ups and downs, with complex main characters that won't make you feel indifferent, and the writing is just impeccable. I wish I could read it again for the first time.

Americanah, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I am just so grateful that this book exists, I just want to hug it forever and give it to everyone as a gift; it's so important. I had heard of it for so long, and have it being recommended to me by several friends, and when I started reading I immediately knew why. I listened to the audiobook for a great part of it, and I love how the accents gave a different look to the story than I would have got just by reading it myself. It made me feel so much, so much... I don't think anyone should go around in life without reading this.

Deathless, by Catherynne M. Valente. Yes I will confess I had never heard about this Russian folktale in detail before (which was actually better for me in terms of plot, I guess?), and I grew so intrigued by this dark fairytale world... It kept getting better and better. It's also a love story -one that's definitely not for everyone-, featuring the villain himself. It depicted the world in a cruel but beautiful manner, and while it wasn't easy to read at times, I think the overall effect is haunting and charming at the same time.

Ninth House, by Leigh Bardugo. This book changed my perception on Leigh Bardugo in so many ways, I'm still in shock. Not that I didn't enjoy her Grishaverse series, but that's a mainstream young adult fantasy series, and this, this is it. New adult? Whatever it is. There's fantasy, there's grown-up issues and a compelling plot and characters (Alex is an amazing main character), and I just never would've guessed the author by how it was written. She made me root so deeply for a character who's barely in the book, I just think maybe I should've waited for the second book so I didn't feel the ache until then.

Sadie, by Courtney Summers. I was so surprised by this book, and by how much I loved it. This book hit me hard... it was hard to read, and right from the beginning you know the story won't be easy, won't be a happy one, but it's so captivating and it's just so well-done. My heart aches for Sadie. You must listen to the audiobook. It's the best one I have ever heard by a long shot, featuring many narrators that do their job impeccably. It just adds so much to the whole experience.

The Atlas Six, by Olivie Blake. I don't think I've ever read a book that had been as hyped up as this one, with the way everyone was worshipping it. And I wasn't really surprised when I loved it, even though I wasn't sure what I was signing up for, but dark academia + some fantasy depicted as a science? Count me in. It felt very much like an introduction to an actual plot, and it was more about the characters and their very complicated relationships, which I particularly enjoy in a book. I cannot wait where the story will take us.

The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. Are the characters likeable? Are they even relatable? Probably not. But this didn't make this masterpiece less enjoyable. This book, the definition of dark academia, sort of compelled me, and the ambience was so captivating that I found myself so immersed in it, I didn't want to leave. I loved it but at the same time it upset me at times; it began very slow but then all of a sudden lots of things were going on and just... it will haunt me for a very long time. Henry Winter, my beloved.

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hornime · 3 years

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watch and learn | iwaizumi hajime x f!reader x team japan

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

warnings: 18+, timeskip!everyone, BIG MANGA SPOILERS BASICALLY, exhibitionism, voyeurism, orgasm denial

w/c: 3.1k

a/n: now i don’t know if iwaizumi hajime (27) athletic trainer learned about female orgasms when he was studying sports science at irvine BUT he def knows how to show a girl a good time which is reason enough for me to write this. also, i read this article to prep for this piece and it was super enlightening, so i do recommend giving it a read if you’re interested!

in the middle of his morning run, iwaizumi slowed momentarily to check the repetitive buzzing of this phone, curious as to who was messaging him this early. when he’d left the apartment, you were sleeping, and you had the tendency to still be sleeping by the time he returned, so who else could it be?

he unlocked his phone, quickly finding the source of the notifications: the team japan group chat.

[06:43 AM] miya: hey @iwaizumi—you know stuff abt the human body right?

[06:43 AM] miya: cus like you studied it in college and shit??

iwaizumi rolled his eyes. i spent four years in america to earn my degree, came back home to support my country’s olympic team, and dealt with the biggest idiots of volleyball, only to get treated like this?

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: yes, miya. i took many courses on the human body. in fact that’s the purpose of my job. to know the human body. because i am a fucking athletic trainer.

[06:44 AM] miya: okay okay i get it. dumb question

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: why? is something up? you need help or anything?

[06:44 AM] miya: uhhh kinda

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata i’m not fucking asking this

[06:44 AM] bokuto: bro just do it

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata @hinata @hinata

iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow. what the hell are they going on about?

[06:45 AM] iwaizumi: so am i needed or...

[06:45 AM] hinata: YES

[06:45 AM] hinata: we had a question

[06:46 AM] sakusa: by “we” he means him, miya, and bokuto

[06:46 AM] suna: yeah don’t bring us into this

[06:46 AM] hinata: don’t listen to them! both suna and sakusa wanna know too

[06:46 AM] iwaizumi: okay. what’s up

[06:47 AM] hinata: we wanted to know how to make a girl cum

he chuckled in disbelief.

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: you’re telling me that you guys are in your mid-20s, literal olympic athletes, and you don’t know how to make a girl cum

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: have you never done it before??

[06:47 AM] miya: NO

[06:47 AM] miya: FOR THE RECORD IVE MADE MANY GIRLS CUM

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ME TOO

[06:48 AM] bokuto: i think

he laughed out loud, briefly startling another runner on the sidewalk.

[06:48 AM] iwaizumi: you guys are unbelievable

[06:48 AM] hinata: i mean she says she finished but idk what i did to make that happen

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ^^

[06:48 AM] hinata: so like i wanna know how to actually do it

[06:48 AM] suna: actually im kinda interested in this too

[06:48 AM] aran: i pray for your future girlfriends. this is painful to see. im out

[06:48 AM] kageyama: i’m with aran on this one. you guys are dumb

[06:48 AM] hinata: shut up. you suck.

[06:48 AM] miya: cmon iwaizumi, help a guy out

[06:48 AM] sakusa: it wouldnt hurt for you to give us some pointers at least

iwaizumi sighed.

[06:49 AM] iwaizumi: @miya @hinata @bokuto @suna @sakusa meet in the locker room after practice. ill give you guys a lesson in the art of pleasing a woman

to teach effectively, he needed a volunteer, though he was sure you wouldn’t need much convincing. you’d always loved the attention, and the biceps, of the pro athletes. he spun on his heel and jogged home.

you woke up to the sound of your apartment door opening, your boyfriend creeping inside, forehead damp with sweat.

“hey,” you said quietly, making your way towards him.

“hey, baby. sorry for waking you up, i was trying to be quiet.”

you giggled sleepily. “s’okay, haji. you spoil me too much anyway, always letting me sleep in for hours while you’re off doing god knows what.”

at that, his eyes crinkled in amusement, and as you tried to step into a hug, he shuffled back. “woah there, baby. i gotta shower, ‘m all gross from my run. and then,” he gave you a peculiar look that you couldn’t quite place, “i got a proposition for you.”

after his shower, he waltzed out of the bathroom, steam wafting out from behind the door. his tanned body made you feel things you definitely shouldn’t be barely an hour after the sun’s risen, and you reached out to massage the tension in his shoulders. “so, what’s your proposition?”

“well,” he hesitated. “it’s a bit... unconventional. the team asked me to show them how to make a girl cum,” he took in your intrigued expression. “and it’d be a lot easier to explain if i had someone to do a live demonstration with. so,” his eyes flicked up to you. “that’s where you’d come in.”

“a... live demonstration? like you’re gonna make me cum in front of them?”

“yeah, essentially.” he gave you a devilish grin. “you want that, baby? wanna show those boys how a real man treats a gorgeous woman like you?”

you rubbed your thighs at his words. “yeah,” you purred. “i do. wanna show them how good you are to me.”

and that’s how you found yourself nestled between iwaizumi’s muscled thighs, back pressed against his chest, completely naked, with five of japan’s best volleyball players staring at your body in awe.

practically an expert in his field, iwaizumi knew the human body inside and out. this had many benefits; of course it allowed him to catapult up the ranks and work with the country’s best athletes to keep them at the top of their game, but it also had a unique side effect: an overwhelming vault of knowledge on how to make a woman feel good anywhere.

you’d seen the proof firsthand; he knew exactly where to push, prod, stroke, and tease to have you cumming in seconds, over and over, as many times as you wanted. he was amazing, and you were well-aware just how lucky you were to have such a talented man in the sheets.

“oi,” iwaizumi snapped his fingers, drawing each of the players’ eyes away from your glistening cunt. “pay attention. i know more than anybody that she’s hot as fuck, but you gotta listen to what i’m saying or else there’s no point to this.”

he lightly pressed his lips against your collarbone, slowly tracing them against your jaw, the contact making you squirm. “if you wanna make a girl cum, first thing you gotta do is make her comfortable. if she’s worried about how she looks or sounds or smells she’s gonna be too stressed to let go.” he moved his hands to grope your tits, his calloused fingers brushing over your hardening nipples. “so reassure her, tell her how irresistible she is, how pretty her moans are, how tasty her pussy is. shit like that. the sexier she feels the better it’ll be.”

he leaned into you, whispering into your ear. “feeling good, baby? we can stop whenever.”

you nodded weakly, afraid to open your mouth, barely holding in your whines as his palms worked wonders on your chest and stomach, sending shocks of heat wherever they touched.

you craned your neck up to observe the men before you. atsumu was flushed red, wringing his hands as if he was worried they’d do something embarrassing if he didn’t keep them occupied. hinata was bouncing his leg up and down, wiping his palms on his shorts as he took in the plushness of your thighs. bokuto was basically drooling, greedily tracing your soft curves with his eyes. suna maintained his indifferent expression, but the reddening tips of his ears showed that he was a lot more hot and bothered than he let on. sakusa stood quietly to the side, leaning against the wall, mask tucked under his chin as if he’d just realized how much the temperature had gone up in the room.

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

"make sure to try different things; there’s multiple ways to make a woman cum. only like a quarter of women experience orgasms just from penetration,” someone made a sound of shock. “yes, the number is that small, bokuto.”

his fingertip slowly trailed past your belly button, dipping into the mess between your thighs, causing you to slightly arch your back into the solid chest supporting you. “foreplay with the clit is your best bet; even stupid fucks like you probably wouldn’t screw it up too bad.”

hinata opened his mouth to speak, but iwaizumi anticipated his question and continued.

“i know you’re wondering where the clit is. it’s around here, under this hood of skin,” he slid his digit between your labia. “s’not gonna come with a label so you gotta explore a little bit. i know where hers is like the back of my hand, but for you guys, with your girls, you’re gonna have to move your fingers around. slowly. and pay attention to her expressions.” he began to rub in a circular motion around your clit, causing you to make small whimpers of pleasure and shift your hips to meet his movements.

“if she clenches up or twitches when you feel a certain spot, like this,” your legs flexed as he increased the pressure, “that’s the clit. be kind, it’s not a volleyball. be gentle n’ make small circles, whether it’s with your fingers or your tongue.”

he thought for a second. “speaking of which, oral’s important. very important. most women cum when they’ve been eaten out, so use your mouths for something more useful than just dirty talk. suck on the clit, maybe tongue-fuck her a ‘lil, but your main focus should always be the clit.”

he removed his hands from your sopping pussy, and you made a pathetic noise of frustration. “’m sorry, baby,” he muttered seductively in your ear. “don’t wanna have you finishing too early. lesson’s barely started.”

he turned his attention back to your audience, his lustful tone being replaced by a more instructional one. “there’s other places that’ll help a woman orgasm, too: her nipples, her neck, her ears—”

“her ears?” sakusa questioned. he blushed profusely as everyone turned to look at him, surprised that he’d opened his mouth. “what? we were all thinking it.”

“s’a valid question,” iwaizumi said. “yeah, you can lick ‘em if they’re sensitive. hers are.” as if to prove his statement, he licked a stripe on the shell of you ear, making you wiggle helplessly at the stimulation. “‘n leave kisses everywhere else. feels good for them just like it does for us.” he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and forcing your movements to stop as he traced patterns with his tongue all around your neck.

“something you should know about an orgasm is that it’s something called a positive feedback loop.” he looked up and was met with five blank stares. shouldn’t have expected anything from these dumb jocks, he lamented. “basically that means that, once you start releasing sexual tension, things will feel better and better until you climax.”

“oh!” atsumu chirped. “like how my sets get better and better throughout a game.”

“no, not really,” he quipped. “your sets suck throughout.” atsumu frowned at that.

iwaizumi exhaled exasperatedly. “the general idea is that the body gets more and more sensitive, muscle contractions become more and more frequent, and touches feel more and more stimulating until you cum. all right?”

they all made noises of understanding except for bokuto and hinata, whose eyes had glazed over at the first mention of an academic term. whatever, iwaizumi thought. they’ll get it through example.

"don’t worry about it too much if you don’t get it, that’s just an orgasm on paper. in practice, though, this is the crucial step: listen to her. she knows what feels good. never forget that you’re just an idiot with a cock.” he took a breath, gathering his thoughts before proceeding with his lecture.

“if she tells you to slow down, you slow down. if she tells you to go harder, you go harder. if she tells you to keep doing what you’re doing, you...”

“keep doing what you’re doing”, they all chimed in at staggered times.

“that’s right. don’t go faster or else you’ll mess up the rhythm and she won’t cum. and you wanna make her cum, don’t you?”

they nodded simultaneously.

“so if you keep up the tempo and force that feels good to her, you’ll be fine. questions?”

suna spoke up. “what about,” he choked on the word. “penetration?”

hinata hummed in agreement and bokuto jumped in. “yeah, what if i wanna make her cum on my cock?”

iwaizumi made a weird face. “that’s some pretty advanced stuff, but i guess i can go over it. when you try it, though, you have to be patient. with both of your bodies. s’not rocket science but s’not always easy. also it depends on the woman but sometimes she physically won’t be able to finish from penetration alone. just make sure you’re communicating.”

his swirled two fingers over your hole before shoving them in, your wetness making it easy for him to thrust in and out as your entrance stretched to accommodate him. “f—fuck!” your eyes flew open at the intrusion and you body lurched forward, but you were held back by his strong forearm. “ohmygod, oh my g—ah! feels s’good haji, s’good!”

“i know, baby, i know. you’re taking it so well.” he turned his attention back to the men, each of who were gulping heavily. if that didn’t signal to you that they were evidently affected by your moans, the way they shifted in their workout shorts did.

“boys, focus.” he curled his fingertips, brushing at the spongy spot at the top of your walls, ripping a pleasured wail from your throat and causing tears to prick at your eyelashes. “when you’re fingering her, you’ll feel an area inside that’s a bit soft and squishy. that’s the g-spot.”

you trembled in his arms as he mercilessly struck the same place over and over again with his fingers. “when you’re fucking her, try to keep the pressure building there, but it’ll be harder to make her finish since you can’t see what you’re doing.”

your breath hitched as iwaizumi’s incessant movements brought your body tantalizingly close to your release. he suddenly stopped and you almost sobbed in disappointment, until he plunged his fingers impossibly deeper.

a guttural scream of ecstasy came from within you, and your eyes rolled back as he began playing with another part of you, your body putty in his hands. “hngh, haji, ah! so good, s’good...” you threw your hands back around his neck, nails digging into the skin as you desperately tried to keep yourself grounded. your soft moans filled the air.

“stop clenching,” he hissed. “can barely move my hand.” you tried to relax but failed miserably as the tips of his fingers grazed your cervix.

“holy fuck,” suna muttered. “you’re a god.”

“she sounds so pretty,” atsumu said in amazement.

“i wanna make a girl feel good like that, too!” bokuto sulked.

“you can do it, bokuto!” hinata hit him on the arm. “just listen to iwaizumi. clearly he knows what he’s talking about.”

their eyes refocused on your figure, writhing in pleasure, prompting white hot waves of arousal to pool in their stomachs.

“yeah,” sakusa said. “clearly.”

“stop talking,” iwaizumi ordered. “and listen. beyond the g-spot is the cervix, which is basically the end of the vagina. if you’re long enough,” he briefly scanned each of their faces, “which i’m sure you are, you’ll be able to reach it if you bottom out.”

“haji—hajime, please.” the stimulation was coming absolutely unbearable, and you could tell he was sadistically holding you at the edge, refusing to give you the satisfaction of finishing. “lemme cum, please. please lemme cum, please, please, i can’t—i can’t take it ‘nymore!”

“what was that? you can’t take it anymore? gonna cum?” you helplessly bobbed your head up and down, hoping that he’d give you permission. “well,” he growled, “we can’t have that happening, can we?”

he abruptly halted his thrusts, pulling his fingers out of you with an embarrassing squelch and popping them into his mouth. pearly tears rolled down your cheeks as you grieved the loss of contact and relief.

your viewers looked on in horror, feeling immense sympathy for you; you just looked so dejected from being denied yet another orgasm.

“why didn’t you—why didn’t you let her cum?” bokuto asked.

“why do you think?” iwaizumi snapped. “don’t want you guys to see her when she does. that’s for me, and only me.”

“oh, okay,” he responded, disgruntlement clear in his voice.

iwaizumi’s glare could cut glass, it was so sharp. the possessiveness that had enveloped his mind made him hyperfocus on just one thought: being alone with you. “so, any other questions? if not, we’re done here.”

you pouted at that, not wanting the demonstration to be over. “but haji,” you mumbled into his collarbone. “i di’nt get to cum. and i wanna.” you looked up at him, eyes wide with want. “please make me cum.”

iwaizumi sent a harsh glance to the players that nonverbally communicated his message loud and clear: get out. they shuffled awkwardly out of the locker room due to the hardness between their legs that they would most definitely need to deal with soon.

your boyfriend turned his attention back to you. “’m sorry, i know i had to deny you a bunch of times. i just really hated the idea of anyone but me seeing the cute way you look when you cum.”

you made a small noise of acknowledgement and a little whisper of it’s okay, haji. he looked down, sensing the way your poor, desperate cunt was pulsing around nothing, the erotic sight injecting him with the pure need to ravage you.

he shifted his head to kiss you passionately. “why don’t i make it up to you?” he breathed between your parted lips before picking you up by the backs of your thighs, forcing you to lock your ankles around his waist.

he delicately situated you onto one of the recovery beds at the back of the room, before murmuring something that made your pussy throb in anticipation: “i’ll make you cum whichever way you want, however many times you want, all right? all you gotta do is lay back and take it.”

#kinky.inky #haikyū!!#haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu smut #hinata smut #bokuto smut #suna smut #sakusa smut #iwaizumi #sakusa #bokuto #hinata #suna #atsumu

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jackmfvegas777 · 3 years

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Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

#trans man #transguy #trans boy #transgender #trans ftm #ftm trans #trans male #ftm #ftm tips #transgender tips #transgender guide #ftm guide #lgbtqa #lgbtq #lgbt #trans guy tips #social transition #trans guy guide #coming out

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jikookiekosmos · 3 years

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Can You Feel Me || jjk

➥Pairing: best friend!jungkook/reader, stripper!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: It wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did: you slept with your best friend, Jungkook, and now you’re feeling confused. You want to take your mind off of things, so what do you do? Hire a stripper, of course! But when you leave the hiring to your roommate, you end up getting more than you bargained for.

➥Genre: best friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff

➥Rating: 18+

➥Content Warnings: making out, marking/biting, dry humping, reader is blindfolded for part of it, jungkook is acting as a stripper (reader has no idea to start with), dirty talk, slight choking/breath play, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, cursing (fuck is said a lot), oral (f. receiving), fingering, jungkook has a big dick, unprotected sex (reader is on the pill), cumming inside, praise, aftercare (they take a shower, lots of cuddling), jungkook is actually the sweetest

➥Words: ~8.6k

A/N: this is the follow up chapter to Be Good For Me, but it can also be read as a stand-alone fic.

Thank you to Kenz for always supporting me and inspiring me to be a better writer. ❤

Also, thank you to anyone who reads this, I hope you enjoy it~

➥Masterlist

⊱──────── ✬ ✬ ✬ ────────⊰

It’d been almost a week since you’d slept with Jungkook. You hadn’t talked much – which was 100% your fault since you kept dodging most of his calls and texts. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The look on his face when you told him the morning after that it meant nothing to you and that you both should essentially forget about it (spoiler: you couldn’t) was all you could see when you tried to sleep at night. He looked so crestfallen and it broke your heart.

But you kept telling yourself you were doing this for the best.

In your mind, he was confused. You thought that maybe he slept with you because he was horny and you just conveniently happened to be there. And hell, maybe that’s why you did it, too! You guys were just two consenting, horny adults, having a good time. There didn’t have to be feelings involved.

Which is what you kept instilling in your brain every day for the last 6 days. It didn’t make anything better. You kept thinking about how his hands felt on you when he was holding you up, how he took care to not hurt you and kept making sure you were ok with everything that was happening. How he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. It was driving you crazy.

Your roommate was tired of seeing you mope around your apartment, grumbling things about how you were treating this like a break-up and just needed to work it out with Jungkook already. She knew Jungkook, too, not as well as you, of course, but enough. She also tried to convince you that pushing him away wasn’t the answer but you were stubborn and didn’t want to listen.

It was Thursday night when she brought up the idea of hiring a stripper to help you forget.

“You’re kidding,” was your response as you closed your book you’d been reading, curled up on the couch. The look on her face told you she absolutely was not joking.

“Nope, I think it’s a great idea, and if you’re down you can just leave everything to me. I know a guy,” she responded nonchalantly and you just stared at her. When she didn’t elaborate, you sighed and agreed. Hell, hiring a stripper may be more fun that you thought. And you’d have a whole day at work the next day to think about it.

Work the following day went by much faster than usual, because you had been surprisingly buzzing with excitement about the whole stripper scenario that was supposed to go down later. You had decided to leave the hiring of the stripper up to your roommate and she had yet to actually tell you who she hired.

When she finally did, though, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay so like I said, I know a guy, but his style is a little...unique.”

“That sounds kinda sketch,” you said with a tiny frown. You were still excited but also…it sounded extremely sus.

“No I promise he’s really good! His whole thing is just that you can’t see him, so you’ll have to be blindfolded while he does his routine. He has great reviews though, people say it brings this whole new level to the experience.” She grinned and it honestly sounded crazy enough to be true, and you figured your generation was known to be into crazy shit so you guessed it wouldn’t be too bad…

You sighed in defeat. “Alright fine, fuck it. I trust you.”

“Yay! I think you’re really gonna love this guy.” Her beaming face was enough to melt your worries away. That was, until you understood what she just said.

“Wait, why do you keep saying ‘you’ like I’m gonna be the only one. I thought this was supposed to be a way for both of us to relax after this hell of a week.” You were confused about why she kept talking like she wasn’t going to be around-

“Nah, I actually have some stuff to do so this one’s all you.”

“Wait, no-“ you started to protest, but there was suddenly a knock at the door.

“Oh, that’s probably him. You just wait here, I’ll be right back.” She ignored your shock, already heading to open the door.

“Hey,” you yelled after her, “we’re not done talking about this.”

“We are for now,” was her response before she disappeared.

When she returned a little bit later, you were still where she left you, this time with your arms crossed.

“I don’t know about this,” you expressed your worry again.

“Y/N. Please just trust me on this. It’s gonna be great, I promise.” She smiled and you couldn’t deny how that smile made you feel like everything would be alright. She really was a good friend to you, even if you didn’t understand her at times.

“Okay, so he’s all ready to come in and start. We just need something to blindfold you with.” She started looking around the room.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.” You left to go grab just what you needed from your room. You grabbed a tie - funnily enough, it was one of Jungkook’s. He was always leaving clothes at your apartment along with various other things he owned. You clutched the tie to your chest, trying to push your confusing feelings back down. Now wasn’t the time for that.

When you got back, your roommate excitedly turned you around, preparing to blindfold you. As you waited you held your breath, and when you felt the fabric on your face, you tried to open your eyes. All you saw was black and for a moment it actually kind of frightened you.

Your roommate told you to wait so she could go get a chair, and when she returned she held onto your hand which calmed you down some, guiding you so you could sit down. You heard her walk away to open the door, and soon after you heard her come back with what sounded like another set of footsteps.

“Alright well I’ll leave you guys to it. Don’t break anything in our apartment or I swear to God I won’t pay you.” Her tone was joking, and she almost sounded like she might know this person, if you didn’t know any better. She was probably doing it to make you feel better, though, and you had to admit it helped.

Once you heard her footsteps fade away, you were suddenly very aware that you were in the room blindfolded with a complete stranger. And as much as that fact scared you, it also excited you. Which probably wasn’t supposed to happen, but you know.

“So,” you started awkwardly. You heard the other person make a sound that was something like a sharp intake of breath but it was honestly hard to tell. Were they nervous?

They cleared their throat. “Your friend seems nice,” was the first thing they said, and it was so unexpected that you couldn’t help but laugh.

His voice also sounded really hot, it was deep and had a faint accent to it and you were somewhat sad you couldn’t see who the voice belonged to because you just knew he had to be attractive.

“Yeah, she’s the best. She also said you came highly recommended which I gotta say,” you tilted your head to the side, in what you hoped might be his direction, “I’m kinda curious to see why that is.”

He chuckled, the sound dark and mysterious.

“Well, I’ll be more than happy to show you.” More footsteps as he got closer now, and soon you could feel him close to you.

“What’s your name, babygirl?”

Oh fuck, you were in trouble. Fuck, that pet name, what the fuck-

“Y/N,” you stuttered out. It felt like he was standing right in front of you now.

“Mmm,” he hummed, that accent threatening to drive you crazy, “pretty name for a pretty woman.” You felt something brush against your knee, making you jerk slightly in the chair.

Yeah, you were liking this blindfold thing a little too much, probably.

You laughed. “Please, you can’t even see all of me to know that.”

“Don’t have to,” came his hushed response. “I can see everything I need to-“

He paused for a moment and when he spoke again, it was right by your ear.

“And what I’m seeing right now, tells me that you are very attractive.” His lips ghosted along the shell of your ear, never touching, and the teasing was making you hot.

‘For the love of god,’ you thought to yourself, ‘please do not already get aroused by this stranger in your home-‘

“That’s very kind of you, stranger who has a very attractive voice and is probably attractive in general.” There came that damned chuckle again.

“Hm, I’m glad you think so. How about I show you why I do my job the way I do now, yeah?” He sounded a lot closer now too, and you definitely felt something in front of your legs, probably his own.

“However, if at any point I do anything you’re not comfortable with, I need you to tell me, ok?” Even with that hot sounding voice you could still hear the concern. Which, of course, made him even more hot and you were so sad you couldn’t see him-

“Yes, of course, I’ll let you know. I’m fine right now, I’m enjoying all of this.”

“Good,” you could almost hear the smile in his voice. “First,” he continued, “blindfolding is effective because it takes away one of your senses.”

“Which means-“ his hand brushed against your cheek, “all of your other senses are heightened. Everything is more intense.” You felt as his fingers trailed from your cheek down to your neck before slightly curving around your throat.

You let out a quick gasp, your arousal from his actions immediate.

He gently squeezed, not really applying any pressure at all, it was more of just a touch, but it made you wet all the same. You tried to discreetly rub your thighs together because you didn’t want this happening so soon.

“I-I see,” you stuttered, his fingers still wrapped around your throat. He was applying feather light touches there, while simultaneously trailing the fingers from his other hand down your bare arm, since you were still wearing a sleeveless dress from earlier.

“So even though you can’t see me,” you heard him say as he removed his fingers from your neck, making you almost whine at the loss. “You can feel everything I’m doing to you that much more.”

It was then that you felt him close to your lap, and before you could process what was happening, he grinded down, close enough to where you could almost feel him, just as he said.

It felt like he was rolling his hips, and it was like he could see what you were thinking, because he used his hands to guide both of yours to his hips so you could feel exactly what he was doing.

“Wow, you’re really good at this,” you breathed out without thinking, and you were rewarded with another beautiful sounding chuckle from the man now above you. He sounded so hot, holy fuck-

“I’m glad you think so, because there’s plenty more where that came from,” was his response, and before you could question what he meant, he ground down again and this time you did feel it.

You bit your lip to hold in a quiet moan that threatened to slip out. Suddenly, a hand gripped your chin and tugged it down a little, making you stop biting your lip.

“Nuh uh, none of that, babygirl,” fuck there it was again, no pet name had ever had that effect on you before.

He was still rolling his hips and from what you could feel with your hands and in other places he seemed like a real fucking expert at it. It was getting harder and harder to hold in any sounds, but you really didn’t want to let any out just yet.

“I want to hear all the pretty sounds you can make,” he said, and he was just hovering above your lips now. God this stranger was going to be the death of you.

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath, turning your head to the side as you tried to concentrate on something other than the feeling of him so close to your clothed core.

“What made you want to hire a stripper, anyway,” the mystery man surprised you by changing the subject. “Your friend said something about you were having a bad week?”

All the memories of everything involving Jungkook came flooding back and it was the last thing you wanted to think about right now. But, you couldn’t blame him for being curious, and since he was showing you such a good time, it’d be rude to not answer him.

“Yeah, it’s – fuck – it’s been a week.” He was still rolling his hips and you made no attempt to stop him. If the small pants you could hear from him every now and then above you were anything to go by, he seemed to be enjoying it, too.

You wondered how much you should tell him, and you figured since he was a stranger, pouring your heart out wouldn’t really do too much bad to anyone.

“I did something bad, and it’s been hard to forget about it. I-I hurt someone I have really strong feelings for,” when you finished your sentence, he stopped for just a second before he kept going.

“Yeah? And that’s what made you want to go and hire a stripper to take your mind off of things?”

You nodded, your thoughts jumbled. “If I could take everything back I would, but it was one of those things – you ever think you’re not good enough for someone? I mean, hopefully you haven’t ever thought that you weren’t worth it because you sound amazing, but-“ you were cut off by the feeling of lips suddenly pressing against your neck, sucking lightly. You let out a small gasp, the feeling definitely more intense than it should’ve been.

You reached out involuntarily, and thankfully you found what you were looking for: his shoulders. He had broad shoulders and from what you could feel he seemed quite muscular. And god you wished you could see him.

“You’re more than enough, for anyone,” he said as he continued trailing down your neck toward your shoulder. His voice was quieter then, and almost sounded familiar…

You had Jungkook on your brain though, so that’s probably why you were imagining that.

“Do people pay you to say things they wanna hear alongside making them feel good,” you asked jokingly.

“Sometimes. But this one was on the house, babygirl,” you could feel him speaking the word against your neck as he continued placing kisses, almost like he was trying to brand your skin with it.

You couldn’t help it. You let out a small moan and heard him chuckle right by your ear.

“Ah, there it is. Seems like I’m finally doing my job right, huh,” that deep, deep voice was filling your head and all you could think about was -

- still Jungkook.

Now, this stripper in your apartment just doing his best was a great distraction, but lately almost all of your thoughts had been filled with Jungkook and how badly you had fucked up. You guessed the man above you could tell the shift in your mood, because he stopped everything he was doing.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm,” you muttered back weakly.

“What’s on your mind?”

You laughed. “Why, you curious?”

“Sure. But also,” you gasped as he started rolling his hips again, this time with more force than before. Instead of just feeling him, you felt something press against you. And if it’s what you thought it was, that made you even more excited.

“I’m here to show you a good time. So if you’re thinking about anything that’s going to upset you, I’m going to change that right now.”

He was essentially grinding down right against your clit now, and since your dress was thin you could feel everything. You let out a whimper because you didn’t have a choice.

“Oh my god, Ju- just do whatever you want to.” You had started to say a name - his name - and thankfully saved yourself in time.

At least, that’s what you had hoped.

He stopped moving, and it was then that you knew you’d fucked up.

“Babygirl?”

You gulped. “Y-yes?’

He slowly ground down and you felt something very hard press against your core. It felt amazing and you tried to lift yourself up to feel it again. His fingers were wrapping around your throat once more, keeping you from moving.

“It sounded a lot like you were about to say a name then,” he continued, drumming his fingers along your neck, squeezing every so often. His tone was low, dark, and sounded dangerous.

You gulped again. “N-no that’s not-“

He cut you off by another squeeze around your throat, this time with more pressure than before. You gasped, and you swear you heard him let out a soft groan.

“You know,” he said as he placed a kiss around your collarbone, “you can’t see me. So, if you’re thinking about someone making you feel good, you can call me by their name. If it helps.”

His logic made sense but also how weird would you feel calling this stranger Jungkook’s name? Your thoughts were indeed simply all about Jungkook right now, but would it be really ok to do that?

As you contemplated, he grinded down again, making you moan.

“What do you think, babygirl?” You started rolling your own hips as best you could in the position you were in. “How about you let me hear that name fall from those pretty lips of yours, hm?”

“I- are you sure?” Your eyes were squeezed shut from the pleasure that was building up, despite not being able to see anything due to the blindfold.

“Yes, if it’ll make you feel good, call me whatever you want, whoever you want.”

You could feel his lips hovering over yours again, and one particular thrust had you reeling and losing control before you could realize it.

“Jungkook,” you said it barely above a whisper, your lips brushing against his as you did so. His fingers were still wrapped around your throat, and he squeezed them with the most pressure he’d done for the whole night. You moaned again.

“Fuck, I knew you’d sound so pretty.” He suddenly stopped moving and you couldn’t feel him anymore. You started moving your head side to side to try and find him.

It was then that you felt yourself being lifted up and turned around, before you felt yourself sitting down again. He placed your hands on what you guessed were his shoulders, and you realized then that you had to be straddling him.

Listen, you’d never hired a stripper before, so you weren’t sure how all this worked. You didn’t know if they got intimate, and if they did, how intimate they got. You also weren’t sure if it was just different for everyone.

But whatever was happening now, he seemed to definitely be enjoying it, and you knew you were. And not seeing him was suddenly a blessing, because now all you could think about as you were straddling this ridiculously-attractive-sounding man, was the boy with the bunny smile that stole your heart.

Even if you realized it too late.

He used his hands that were now around your waist to roll you forward. You had momentarily forgotten how dresses work, and since you were straddling him now, you were rolling against him with just your panties as a barrier from his figure under you.

“Fuck,” you let your head hang as the pleasure washed over you, and with the sensitivity you felt due to your senses being heightened, you would absolutely cum all over this stranger in your apartment if you weren’t careful.

He, however, seemed very hard underneath you, so you guessed he didn’t mind much.

“Can you feel me, babygirl,” he asked breathlessly, panting as you kept moving against him. His small noises were almost driving you insane, and all you could see behind your eyelids was how Jungkook looked when you were on your knees for him that night.

You were also really grateful Jungkook never called you babygirl because you’d still probably be in your bed with him even now, almost a week later.

You nodded, moving faster on your own accord letting out moans as quietly as possible. Soon he started to let out sounds that matched your own, and it spurred you on to continue.

He trailed his fingers along your neck, which made you shudder in his hold. You heard him let out a soft chuckle and before you could ask why, his hand wrapped around your throat again.

Except this time, instead of just squeezing to apply pressure, he pulled you closer to him by the hold he had on your neck. He was basically manhandling you while you were straddling his lap blindfolded and holy fuck were you enjoying it.

“Do I make you feel good,” he asked against your lips, giving them a small peck, as if to test the waters. You nodded again, panting as you could feel your release approaching quickly.

“Jungkook,” you let the name roll off your tongue again because fuck it, why not, at this point. He groaned and squeezed around your neck, making you gasp.

“Please,” you breathed out. You felt him drum his fingertips against the pulse point in your neck.

“Please what,” he all but growled out, that deep accent as strong as ever. His voice seemed a little more strained now as he was coming undone too, but he was holding it together a lot better than you were.

You placed your hand on top of his and squeezed. “More, please,” you said weakly, hoping he’d understand.

“Fuck,” was the response you got, before he applied more pressure. It was getting harder to breathe, but never to the point where you felt like you were in danger or it hurt. He was giving you just enough of what you wanted, and it was bringing you to the edge very fast.

“You look so sexy like this, Y/N, fuck-“ he broke off and he definitely sounded a lot like he was losing his composure now.

“Jungkook, fuck, I-“ you stuttered as you kept rolling your hips on top of him as he guided you with one hand on your waist, the other still around your throat, a feeling you were now fond of.

“Come on, let go for me,” he spurred you on, and you knew it wouldn’t be long now. Especially not when you could feel him panting again by your ear.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said as he gently bit down on your earlobe, a harsh contrast from many of his other actions tonight.

“Fuck, Jungko-“ you were cut off as his lips crashed against your own , thankfully, because he swallowed all the sounds you made as you were experiencing one hell of an orgasm. His hands were gripping your hips so tight you felt like he could break you if you let him.

And maybe you should.

He was still panting below you, letting out soft moans as you started slowing down. You didn’t want to be the only one to reach your high, though, so you kept going.

“F-fuck, Y/N, you don’t have to,” his voice was low and didn’t have as strong an accent now, but you couldn’t focus on that. All you could focus on right now was returning the favor for this stranger that just gave you one of the best orgasms you’d ever had.

“It’s your turn to cum for me now,” you said against his lips, since neither of you had moved from earlier. He groaned into the kiss and you felt yourself becoming overstimulated at this point, but if you kept getting to hear the sounds he was making, you’d deal with it as long as you needed do.

“Fuck, babygirl,” he moaned and you swear you almost came again right then. You couldn’t help it, you wanted to see him, needed to see him. You wanted to watch this man beneath you fall apart.

“Can I see you,” you asked timidly, still rolling your hips forward, trying to bring him to that same euphoric state you’d just reached yourself.

His response was…not what you expected. Instead of a simple yes or no, he started slowing your movements until you were completely still on his lap. Had you done something wrong?

“Y/N,” he called your name. That voice…no way, it couldn’t be…

“Jungkook?” Your voice cracked as you called out his name, this time not out of pleasure, but out of genuine confusion.

You felt him remove his hands from around your waist, going now to the back of the tie still blindfolding you. You felt him untie it and suddenly it fell from your face and into your lap. You blinked to readjust your eyes to the light, and then you looked at his face.

Your heart sank.

“Jungkook,” you asked again. You saw him gulp and nod, so many emotions hidden behind his big doe eyes that you were sure mirrored your own.

“Hey” he tried offering you a small smile. Under normal circumstances, you would have returned it. But this was not a normal circumstance; in fact, it was anything but.

His hands hand gone back down to your waist, but he wasn’t touching you again yet. Which, honestly, you were grateful for right now because you had no idea what the fuck was going on.

When you made no attempt to speak, his eyes widened. “I can explain-”

“That would be a good idea,” you responded, trying to keep your tone under control because you really, really did not want to fight with him again. You’d been beating yourself up over how you treated him the last time you saw him, and the idea of pushing him away even more hurt your chest.

He sighed, the sound almost coming out shaky. “I just- I wanted to fix things. I know what you said about what happened between us, and that it didn’t mean anything,” hearing your owns words coming from him hurt more than you thought it would.

He looked into your eyes now, taking your hands into his own, rubbing gentle circles onto the backs of them with his thumbs. “But I know that’s not true. We’ve been so close for so long now, I can tell when you’re fighting something, especially when you fight your own feelings.”

You could feel yourself tearing up at his words, and is if on cue, he reached up and brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, catching a tear that hadn’t quite fallen yet.

“I know you’re scared,” his voice was soft, soothing. “Y/N, I’m scared, too. Fuck, I’m so scared of doing something wrong, so terrified of hurting you.” He cupped your face in his hand, making you instinctively lean into his touch.

“Jungkook, I just don’t know…” you trailed off with a sigh. And you were telling the truth: you didn’t know. You didn’t know why you were feeling this way. You knew that you loved him, that you would do anything for him, and that you never wanted to hurt him.

So why was this so difficult?

His eyes held yours and suddenly he looked more determined. “You may not know right now, and that’s ok. But,” he added as he leaned his forehead against yours, “I know.”

You held your breath while you waited for him to continue.

“I know that I’ve loved you for a long time. And not just as your best friend, but I’ve loved you for the person you are. The way you laugh, the way you smile, every little thing about you is something that I adore.”

Every word that fell from his lips made the feeling in your chest more overpowering, to the point where you felt like you may burst. Jungkook was confessing to you. Something you’d only ever considered would happen in another lifetime, something you’d wanted to hear for so long.

But you convinced yourself a long time ago that it would never happen, and that’s why you’d pushed him away.

Jungkook sighed after a few moments of silence, pulling away from you and giving you a sad, small smile. “It’s ok if you don’t feel the same, I understand.”

He couldn’t be any further from the truth. You loved him with everything you had, and you wanted to show him. No more holding back, no more fighting feelings. The only thing that mattered right now was Jungkook and that you were here with him.

You knew you had to act fast, or else he may try to leave and you didn’t know what would happen after that. He was looking down so when you suddenly moved to hold his face in your hands, his eyes widened with surprise.

You kissed him with all the sincerity you could muster, hoping he could feel how much you loved him with the way your lips were moving against his. His arms wound around your waist as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss and letting out a content sigh.

You pulled back for a moment to catch your breath. “I love you, too.” You felt him smile against your lips, but before he could kiss you again, you pulled back more.

“I love you even if you pretend to be a stripper and have me blindfolded to where I can’t tell it’s you.” His laughter made you smile, your chest feeling warm upon hearing that sweet sound.

“Jeon Jungkook, honesty what the fuck were you-” he cut you off by kissing you again, the kiss soft at first but quickly turning intense when he bit down on your bottom lip, swallowing a small moan from you.

“I promise I’ll explain later,” he started mouthing at your neck, your hands instinctively finding purchase in his hair. “For now, though, how about you let me do my job and take care of you, hm? Babygirl,” he added the last part as he thrusted upward to meet you again, the feeling still enough to overwhelm you since it hadn’t been that long.

“Fuck, I love it when you call me that,” your eyes closed as he stated to mark your neck, no longer holding back. He chuckled and you felt the vibration against your skin.

“I can tell,” he added, moving his hands up and down your sides as he continued rolling his hips forward. You wanted to wipe that cocky smirk off his face, so you met his thrusts with one of your own, pushing down hard enough to earn a groan from him.

“You know,” you added, “there’s probably somewhere much more comfortable where we can continue this.” He grinned at your suggestion.

“I like the sound of that. Lead the way.”

You moved to get off of his lap, but before you could do anything, he got up from the chair, picking you up at the same time and wrapping your legs around his waist. Your arms wound around his neck.

“I thought you said you wanted me to lead,” you quipped, raising your eyebrow. He gave you a quick peck on the lips.

“I just need you to tell me which bed I’m going to fuck you on, and I’ll handle the rest,” was his response, and his words had you becoming wet again at an embarrassingly fast rate.

“My bed, preferably.” He started walking to the staircase then, and you thought he may put you down, but as always, Jungkook managed to surprise you when you least expected it.

You knew he was strong. Jungkook liked to work out, he liked to stay fit. But him being able to carry you up an entire flight of stairs while mouthing at your neck, not bumping into anything along the way or missing a single stair? It had you feeling dizzy.

When the two of you reached your bedroom, Jungkook pushed you against the wall so that he could still hold you up and open the door with his free hand. The feeling of being caged between him and the wall was doing no favors for your arousal, and your panties were practically sticking to you now. You wanted them off, and soon.

You figured that it wouldn’t be much longer before you’d be getting your wish.

When the door was opened, Jungkook walked both of you through it before placing you on the bed, hovering over you as he captured your lips with his once again. You pulled him closer as his thigh parted your legs. He pressed against your core, making you gasp.

“I love you,” he said as he kissed down your neck, each kiss leaving you feeling like your skin was on fire. “Let me take care of you.”

You watched as he kept moving down until he was situated with his head between your legs, staring up at you as pulled up the skirt of your dress and played with the hem or your panties.

“Let me make you feel good,” he said in that same low tone from earlier, placing a soft kiss on the inside of your thigh. He looked at you now like he was asking for permission. You nodded, desperate for him to touch you again.

He started sliding your panties down your legs until they were around your ankles, removing them completely before tossing them over his shoulder. His eagerness made you giggle, causing him to look up at you with a smirk.

“What’s so funny, hm,” he asked, massaging your thighs but not yet providing you with any relief where you wanted it.

“Nothing, just you.” He hummed but let it be, inching closer now to your core, close enough you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“You’re already so wet for me, babygirl.” There was that pet name again, the one that drove you insane, and you suddenly weren’t sure if you’d be making it out of this bedroom anytime soon.

“Jungkook, please,” you didn’t mean to let out a whine, but the sound that just came from you sure sounded a lot like one. Jungkook chuckled.

“As you wish,” he answered, giving your clit a quick lick that had you arching your back. He’d barely done anything yet and you were already overwhelmed.

Without a warning, he started tonguing at your entrance, moving it in and out slowly, his hands gripping your thighs to keep them apart as you were shaking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you called out and your hands buried themselves in his hair. You felt more-so than heard him moan.

“You taste so good,” he said before he continued, going faster now. You chanced looking down at him and the sight made you shudder.

He was staring up at you, his lips wrapped around your clit, dark hair falling somewhat into his eyes. He looked like pure sin and you wanted him to devour you. And, judging by how he seemed to be enjoying himself, it looked like that’s what he wanted to do as well.

You felt him gently prod a finger at your entrance as he started licking your clit faster. You were more than wet enough to accommodate his long fingers, but as always, he had to make sure you were ok before doing anything.

“Tell me if it hurts, ok,” he was looking up at you again, his eyes focused on your face. You smiled.

“Kook, you act like I’ve never had anything inside me before,” you joked with him. He smirked.

“Just making sure,” he said as he plunged two fingers inside of you, the motion making you breathless. His long fingers could easily reach spots you couldn’t and the pleasure had you gushing even more.

“Oh my god,” you moaned out when he curled his fingers, finding your g-spot almost immediately.

He continued licking and sucking at your clit again, now trying to match the rhythm he had going with his fingers. Your hips were starting to move so much that he had to hold them down with his unoccupied arm.

“Please don’t stop,” you begged, hands pulling on his hair again, making him groan. He went faster now, and you knew that if you didn’t stop him soon, you’d be cumming in no time.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna- if you keep doing that I’m-,” the pleasure was so intense that you were having trouble forming sentences, your warning not coming out.

He understood, though, and that just made him go faster.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said it breathlessly, making sure to speed up his actions enough to push you over that edge.

You shuddered violently as you came for the second time that night, a string of moans and Jugnkook’s name leaving your lips as you rode out your high with his fingers still inside of you.

Once you started to calm down, he carefully pulled his fingers out and you watched as he sucked the fingers into his mouth before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, coming back up to kiss you again. You could feel how hard he was as he was pressed against your thigh.

“It’s my turn to take care of you now,” you told him in a soft tone right by his ear, cupping him and being rewarded with a moan as you did.

He leaned up to take off his shirt, your hands going to work removing his jeans. When he had shed all of his clothing, he pulled your dress off as well, taking care to not hurt you in the process, despite his eagerness to see you naked before him once more.

He was sitting on his haunches now in front of you, pushing his hair out of his face as he looked down at you. You couldn’t help but moan as you looked at him.

He wasn’t just looking at you with lust, however; he was looking at you with so much love that you felt a warmth spread throughout your whole body.

“Come here,” you opened your arms, “please. Need to feel you,” you added and he smiled. He moved closer then, stroking himself, his cock leaking precum as he rubbed the head against your still soaked folds.

You both knew that you were on the pill and that you both were always safe with any previous sexual partners you’d had, so you had no qualms with him being inside of you unprotected and neither did he.

You always told yourself that this type of sex was something you wanted to experience the first time with someone you truly loved, and it looked like now was the time.

He pulled you further down the bed so he could line himself up with your entrance, just barely pushing in. He looked at you and it seemed like he was holding back.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, “I need you to tell me if it hurts, ok? I’m gonna go in slow-“

“Jungkook, it’s fine,” you encouraged him. You knew he was big – you remembered from when you’d taken him in your mouth that night – so you were aware of what you were in for. “I promise I’ll let you know.”

You ran your hand lovingly over his tattoos that extended from his shoulder all the way down his arm and over his hand as he readjusted his grip on your thigh. You gave him a nod and it seemed to be the last bit of encouragement he needed.

He pushed in and all but knocked the breath out of you. You weren’t sure when the last time you’d had something, or someone, so big inside of you – and you realized the answer may have actually been never.

He was stretching you out in a way that faintly hurt due to overstimulation from you having cum recently, but the look on his face and the sounds he was making made you forget all about that. His lips were parted, eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. He licked his lips as he pushed in further, letting out a strained moan.

“You’re so tight, fuck,” he groaned as he finally bottomed out. His eyes were closed now and he didn’t make any attempt to move, probably so you could adjust to his size, but you wanted to tease him a little. You clenched around him and felt him twitch inside you.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hung his head, hair falling into his eyes again. “Shit, don’t do that or I’m really gonna have a hard time holding back.”

“Then don’t,” you told him, clenching around him again. His grip on your thighs tightened.

He opened his eyes again and was looking at you know, his stare intense. You knew you were in for it now.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he growled, suddenly pulling out and slamming back into you with a force that had you shifting up the bed. Each thrust left you gasping, unable to form any sounds as the pleasure washed over you at a degree you’d never felt before.

“You feel so good around me,” Jungkook moaned out, his pace increasing as he kept pounding into you. He pushed your knees up to your chest so he could get closer to you, the new angle leaving you a moaning, panting mess beneath him.

He was close enough to you now that you could wrap your arms around him, your nails digging into his shoulder blades every few thrusts as the pleasure intensified. He was panting by your ear now, saying your name so sweetly, making you clench around him each time.

You could feel the familiar heat building up in your stomach again, albeit not as strong as before since you’d already cum a few times tonight, but it was still strong enough. It seemed like Jungkook was getting close now, too, and you wanted to help him over that edge.

As he felt your walls tightening around him, he leaned his head back, cursing before coming down to kiss you harshly. He was moaning into your mouth now, and you were swallowing almost every beautiful sound he made.

“I won’t last much longer,” he panted out, his kisses and thrusts becoming more sloppy.

“Me too, baby, me too,” you pulled him impossibly closer, wanting to feel him as much as you could. You saw as his brows furrowed together and listened as his moans started becoming louder and more frequent.

You had a thought then, and you figured now would be the best time to act on it. You took one of his hands and placed it around your neck. Jungkook looked down at you and you felt him twitch inside you.

“Y/N,” he moaned out, squeezing slightly, the pressure making your high start to approach much faster than before.

“You’re always so good for me,” he continued, praising you as he leaned down to kiss you and squeezed again. He was so careful, always applying the same amount of pressure, never too much. You could breathe easily, but just the feeling of his hand there was enough to push you over the edge for the third time.

“Jungkook,” you cried out, your orgasm less violent than before, but the feeling was different now, somewhat still heightened since he was inside of you. Your walls clenched around him hard, making him let out a long, loud moan. He moved his hands now to grip the bed sheets so he had some way to ground himself as he was coming undone.

“Y/N, fuck, I’m gonna cum, I love you so much, I-,” you cut him off as you pulled him into a kiss, one that you filled with as much love and passion as you could. He kept moaning as he continued his now uncoordinated thrusts, once, twice, three more times before he twitched inside of you and you felt him fill you up, cumming inside you with a loud groan.

He was breathing heavily, his forehead pressed against your shoulder, eyes closed as he came down from his high. You were rubbing his back and placing kisses on his temple, feeling as he softened inside of you but made no attempt to pull out just yet.

“Well,” you started to say, “that was nice.” You felt him chuckle against your shoulder.

“Just nice, huh,” he asked as he was still laying on top of you, leaning up on his elbows now so he wouldn’t crush you under his weight.

“Hmmm,” you pretended to ponder about it. Jungkook feigned hurt and the look on his face made you laugh.

“You made me cum 3 times in the span of like an hour. I’d say that’s pretty good.”

It was his turn to laugh. “Trust me, babygirl, I can do way better than that.”

The suggestion had you slightly throbbing again upon hearing it, but you knew you were done for right now. Perhaps in the future you could go for longer rounds without needing a break, but right now you just wanted to stay like this with Jungkook.

“I’m sure you can,” you agreed as you captured his lips in a gentle kiss. You felt him sigh against you, sounding completely content.

He grunted as he pulled away. “As much as I’d hate to move right now, we should probably get cleaned up. How does a nice, warm shower sound?” You nodded and he pulled out carefully, leaving you feeling slightly empty now that he was no longer inside of you.

He got off the bed first, legs somewhat wobbly from what you could tell, but he was probably in much better shape than you were. You actually dreaded getting up because you weren’t sure how well you’d be able to walk-

You didn’t have to think about it very long, though, before Jungkook was scooping you up and carrying you bridal style towards your bathroom. The gesture wasn’t grand or anything, but it made you fall even more for him.

You were so, so in love with him. And there was no use in denying it anymore.

During your shower, you both took turns cleaning each other off, sharing passionate kisses whenever you’d be facing each other. You ended up just staying under the water wrapped in each other’s arms for most of the shower, but you both eventually decided to get out when the water started to get cold.

Jungkook helped you dry your hair with a towel, his lips slightly parted as he focused on drying it carefully. As you looked up at him and saw his face full of concentration, you felt that familiar warm feeling blossom throughout your chest. It was a feeling you’d felt for quite some time now, whenever you’d catch him doing something endearing.

Once you both were clean and dried off, you settled back into the bed, you opting for one of his t-shirts and him in a pair of sweatpants. It was later in the evening than you thought it was, and you suddenly realized how tired you’d become.

Jungkook was lying on his back and you placed your head on his chest, his arm wrapping around you to pull you close. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, looking down at you as you sighed comfortably.

“Hey,” he said softly. You peered up at him sleepily, making him smile. “We don’t have to get into it now, but-“

He trailed off, seeming somewhat troubled. You figured it was probably because of what happened the last time you two slept together.

Except then, all these mutual feelings weren’t out in the open like they were now. You leaned up to kiss him, hoping to assuage his worries as much as possible for the time being.

“I love you,” you told him, not missing how his arm that was wrapped around you pulled you even closer. “And I know you love me. I think that’s all we need to know right now.”

Your answer seemed to help somewhat, but it looked like it wasn’t quite what he was looking for since his brows were still slightly furrowed.

“I know that, I guess I’m just worried about what happens now,” he said quietly as he rested his cheek on top of your head.

“Well,” you pulled back so you could look him in the eyes. “I figured maybe we’d date or something.”

Your answer took him off guard and the look on his face was too laughable you couldn’t help but giggle. A second later he broke out into a huge grin.

“Wait, are you serious,” he asked, his tone excited. You nodded and he pulled you into a kiss, hugging you tightly.

“God, I’ve waited so long for this,” he added, pulling away to leave a peck on your nose. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Honestly, me too,” you added, giggling again when he brushed his nose against yours.

Before you got comfortable laying on his chest again, there was still something your were curious about. You folded your hands together and laid them on his chest, resting your chin on top of them as you searched his face. He was still beaming and the sight had your stomach feeling fluttery.

“So, this whole stripper plan. Explain.”

He looked taken aback and averted his eyes, only to have you turn his face toward you again.

He sighed. “I asked your roommate if she had any idea how I could fix things. It was mainly her idea, but the blindfold thing was something I suggested because I knew it’d probably be best if you couldn’t see me- which now in hindsight sounds stupid,” he finished with a groan.

You laughed. “You’re both idiots, but I love you anyway.”

“Hey!” Jungkook tickled your sides, making you squirm in his hold. “We should at least get points for creativity.”

“Fine, I guess I can give you that,” you finally relented as you laid your head on his chest again. You could hear his heartbeat, slow and rhythmic, also soothing. “Where’d you learn to dance like that, though? You certainly felt like you knew what you were doing, even if I couldn’t see you.”

Jungkook’s laugh was like music to your ears as he rubbed your back. “You know those dance classes I took as electives in college? I learned a lot more than you think.”

“Ooh, interesting. Perhaps you can show me some time,” you peered up at him again, your eyes half-closed from being sleepy, “and not under the guise that you’re a stripper.”

“You got a deal, babygirl,” he said softly, giving you one last kiss before you placed your head on his chest again. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat, the sound lulling you into the most peaceful sleep you’d had in weeks. His arms were wrapped around you protectively, making you feel safe. You knew the road ahead might not be easy, but you had your best friend – the man you loved more than anything else in the world – by your side. You knew that in the end, that would make it all worth it.

#bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios

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