#my current boss is a very down to earth man who understands that mental health is important and the company is not your family

[gilbirda]

My (subjective) thoughts on how to survive corporate hell while being younger than 30

I'm 27 and I've been working in corporate office job since I was 23 and I have some advice for any youngster out there feeling unsure if they can even make it in office corporate jobs while being younger than 40.

Don't reveal info about yourself. Craft a superficial version of yourself you can share with peers. Pick a hobby or two and repeat the same speech about what you do for fun. Points if you do something people would remember - everyone says sports and/or traveling. Say something original, but safe.

Your company is not your family. You don't owe them a minute more or less than what says in your contract. You are not less if you refuse to work unpaid extra hours. If they demand that of you, get that in writing and take that shit straight to HR.

Know your rights. If you have paid time off, you are entitled to those days off. I'm european so I have a lot of them, and my company is ALWAYS asking me if "I'm sure I can leave my team down for so long". Bitch I can take the days off whenever I want, is my right. The fact that I'm not taking them in the busiest times is a courtesy.

Be careful with what you say. Everyone will be nice, but not everyone is your friend. Some people would sell you for a potato chip, and finding out who would is vital for your survival. (Hint: if someone spills tea about other people to you, they will spill YOUR tea to other people).

Offices are just like high school. Rumors can and will spread like wildfire.

Another "high school" office cliché: cliques. Yes. Same dynamics will form and identifying them will make things easier. My favorite clique to observe is the people that are shooting for the stars and are always around the Biggest Boss licking their shoes. They will also be the first to speak about how a company project improves their personal life because their personal life and work life is one and the same and they ADORE the company.

Being young can play to your advantage. You are fresh and new, and most of the corporate toxic behaviors won't apply to you by default - but Watch Out, they will also underestimate you and dismiss your opinions. Is a constant battle and a delicate dance.

You Will Be Adopted. That's fact. Be quick to learn who exactly is trying to put you under their wing, and if you are comfortable with that dynamic. It mostly depends on what kind of career you want to make in the company - want to climb higher? Stick with the boot lickers (they will introduce you to Important People); want to be up to date with all the gossip? Attach yourself to the Nice Lady Everyone Tell Their Secrets To. Etc.

I cannot stress this enough: Don't say names. On top of everything else in this list, don't say a single name unless you are absolutely sure you are in a safe space. Names have power, and if you complain about someone and say their name, that will have consequences. Maybe that person will learn you are talking shit, or maybe you will unknowingly make a political stance depending on who you are complaining about, maybe you are implying someone is bad at their job.

Don't assume that young people are your friend. This is a tough one I had to learn, but at the end of the day we are all surviving. Other young people will understand you and stick with you, but if an opportunity opens they will take it without saying goodbye. Or they have other priorities and career expectations and just... not be your friend after all. Not because you are also younger than 30 it means you are besties.

You will be bombarded with boomers and gen Xers talking about "the old days" and "how before things were better". That if you "just worked hard enough the company repays you" and such. Ignore them. Corporate job is not what it was, this isn't the old days anymore. Getting in is not as easy and it used to be, the salary doesn't last as much as it used to be and the productivity demanded is higher than ever. Ignore them. Most of them have been pushing buttons for 30 years and wouldn't understand the hellscape the world is becoming in the last 20 years.

You have to accept the reality that none of your 45+ years old coworkers are as qualified as you. The requirements for regular entry level corporate jobs now are insane, and "back in the day" you just had to show up and have a nice smile. Yes, it sucks. Yes, higher ups are the least qualified. Crazy.

Learn how to talk corporate. Learn how to say no, how to set down boundaries, how to politely ask for help. Normal people talk will instantly work against you because you are young. Talk like them and they'll listen.

This got away from me but eh.

Disclaimer this is just based on my experience and my culture - I live in Spain, Europe. I tried to keep this general, but I understand there's a bunch of social dances and understandings that are unique to my culture and may not apply to other people.

I am also autistic and I understand that it affects how I experience social contracts and behaviors.

This is just the bunch of rules I live by and I'm doing my best at surviving. I'm not a corporate rat and if I didn't need money to exist I would definitely quit, but I can't deny I have learned a lot.

If someone has more advice to add please do!

#gil talks #corporate advice #???? #i guess #im rambling #i hope this is useful for anyone out there wondering if they can even survive corporate life #i got away with a bunch of silly stuff #like i had anime face mask during the pandemic and my boss thought they were cute #also i recognize im lucky #my current boss is a very down to earth man who understands that mental health is important and the company is not your family #and he can and will fight for me #so thats cool

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

#vent post #writing #holy fuuuuuck #2020

[christophe-delorne]

Good Dog

Chapter 13

Pairings: Gregory x Christophe

Warnings: Swearing, they talk about torture.

AU: Adults.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, heavy enough that Christophe could feel the vibration through the very ground. It was a warning, a premonition of the storm that was to come. A fitting threat to what was to come once he finished what he was doing. Headlights framed his figure from behind, casting very little light to the open grave before him, though by no means was it empty. Green eyes peered down through slits to the current resident within the freshly dug grave, still unconscious from earlier that evening. Couldn't possibly be good for his mental health, but that really wasn't his problem. This was just part of the job, what happened afterwards was none of his concern as long as he got what he wanted.

A droplet of water splattered on the rubber surface of the mask Christophe wore. He hadn't been the one to buy it, Gregory was oh-so-gracious to provide the Frenchman with a means to hide his identity. So of fucking course it was a dog mask, the sick bastard even got the 'doberman' option as well. It was all some big fucking joke to him, but Christophe hadn't had time to order an actual decent mask in the middle of summer. It would simply have to do. At least Christophe couldn't see himself, so he could mentally block out the fact that Gregory was publicly humiliating him on the sly. At least no one would actually know or remember that he hated dogs, especially not the man slowly starting to come to within the grave.

"Wh... What?" A voice rose up from the hole, the male within reaching up to groggily rub at his eyes as if he'd been disturbed from a heavy sleep. His name, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, secretary to MBP's CEO, Eric Cartman and so much more as Gregory and Christophe had uncovered. It was no wonder why McCormick insisted that they didn't kill Leopold on the spot, the man was in some serious deep shit and it would be easier just to kill him. It began to lightly sprinkle, the droplets of water serving to further wake Leopold up as he pushed himself into a sit. Christophe could see the expression on Leopold's face as he slowly registered he wasn't in his bed, but six feet within the earth.

Leopold looked up, his head angled upwards towards Christophe, allowing the Frenchman to get a good look at his panicked face. If it were for the scar over one eye, Christophe would've deemed him incapable of looking like some evil mastermind. However, Christophe knew better than to underestimate someone, even with their looks. Anyone was capable of violence, one simply had to set the game up correctly. Christophe turned his head, peering over his shoulder at the one other occupant to this late night excursion. Gregory was standing back, near the car they rented, an umbrella out and over his head. At this distance, he couldn't make out any details about Gregory, only a vague dark form in the light.

"He's awake." Christophe gruffed out, his voice hinting of a Russia accent. He was capable of disguising himself and he wanted to keep Leopold on the wrong path.

"Wonderful." Gregory's accent matched Christophe's, though more refined, regal, as if hinting of upper class versus the Russian laborer Christophe posed as. "Start the process."

Christophe turned his head back to Leopold, who looked like he was about to piss his pants, how someone like this became a part of the crime syndicate was beyond Christophe. Perhaps there was more too this man than met the eye. Christophe didn't have time to poke and prod, to peel away the secrets until there was nothing left. They were running on a tight schedule, meaning Christophe couldn't have any decent fun.

"Wh-Who are you people?" Leopold asked, trying to gain back some form of confidence, his fingers curling into fists. "You can't just go taking people from their beds like this! You'll regret every doing this to me!"

"I can and I have." Christophe picked up a handful of dirt that was starting to grow damp from the sprinkling, tossing it into Leopold's face. "If you continue to threaten me, I will bury you alive."

"Stop playing with your food, dog." Gregory warned from behind, drawing an annoyed rumble from Christophe. The Brit should know all about theatrics, how setting up fear and anticipation was vital if they were going to get the job done in this situation.

"This can go down two ways. Either you do as I say or I'll bury you alive. Is that understood, Mr. Stotch?" Christophe paused, head tilting. "Or should I say, Mr. Ghee?"

This seemed to get Leopold's attention, his gaze shifting away nervously. He didn't need to say anything to reveal that Christophe had hit the nail on the head. The Frenchman in the meantime, pulled out a pre-paid phone, activating the screen and with a few taps he brought up the emails Gregory had uploaded onto it.

"Yes, codename Ghee. The contact for exporting a new illegal drug to Europe. To deliver such drugs overseas without anyone catching on costs a good deal of money, something the drug cartels across the border had no interest in spending." Christophe tossed the phone to Leopold, who fumbled a bit before catching it. He took a moment to look over the files on the phone, his skin pallor turning white as a ghost as he realized Christophe had retrieved all the emails from his secondary email. "It would be a shame if those found their way into the FBI's hands. All we ask is for one simple little favor."

"What do you want? Money? In on the deal? I can get you anything, just say the word." Leopold tightened his grip on the phone, it almost looked like he was half tempted to crush it or throw it back at Christophe. Either way, the files were stored elsewhere, the ones on the phone were simply copies.

"I don't have interest in any of those things. What I want is for you to quit your job."

"What?! I can't do that! Eric will kill me!" Leopold seemed more concerned about the threat of Eric than the threat right in front of him. It was almost insulting, but then again Leopold likely didn't understand how much of a threat Christophe could be. So, Christophe had to prove a point.

Christophe reached out, snagging Leopold by the collar of his shirt and dragging him up off the ground with ease. With Christophe being crouched on the edge of the hole, he managed to come face to face with Leo, or rather face to mask. "I'll fuckin' kill you if you don't. It won't be pretty either." Christophe narrowed his gaze, glaring through the slits. Threatening Leo likely wouldn't have a strong impact. However, Christophe had a suspicion there was another way. So he dropped Leo back into the grave, causing the other male to stumble a bit but managed to stay on his feet.

"No, I don't think that would break a naive little spirit like yours. I need to dig deeper, hurt you on a level that's not physical."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was looking through your phone earlier and I couldn't help but notice you texting someone by the name of 'Kenny'. You two seem really close, I can make his disappear. Maybe that'd be too kind. I could send him back to you. Piece by piece. Keeping him alive the entire time until I take out his heart and give it to you personally." This seemed to get a proper reaction out of Leopold, fear, anger, desperation was written all across his face as he looked up at the masked Frenchman. Christophe waited, letting Leopold puzzle out his options and come down to the conclusion that Christophe would get what he wanted.

"If I do this, Eric my try to do the same thing."

"Eric doesn't know. But he could know if you upset the wrong people. Don't worry, you'll go into hiding until all of this is over."

"Until what is over?"

"Dog. Hurry up before it starts to rain." Gregory intervened, sounding a little annoyed.

"You heard the man. Time's up. Call Eric and either quit or get yourself fired." Christophe crouched again, looking like he was all too eager to tear into Leopold who was holding the phone clenched to his chest.

"Fine, asshole." Leopold gave one last glare before looking down at the phone, dialing the number to his boss. Holding it up to his ear, though sheltering it with his other hand to keep the random drops of rain from getting on it. After a moment, the other line picked up. "Hey, its me, Butters." Pause. "Yeah, I know its late but I just wanted to ca-" Seems like an interruption on the other end. "Shut the fuck up, Eric and let me speak!" Seems like Eric was getting on Leopold's nerves finally, or the stress was actually getting to him. "I'm quiting. I'm tired of dealing with your fatass. I'm leaving, deal with this shit yourself. Have a good rest of your night, bye."

Christophe felt he was getting a bit of whiplash from the fact Leopold went from angry to polite within an instant, but he couldn't let himself get caught off guard as Leopold tossed him the phone back. Chris dropped it on the ground and slammed his boot down onto it. It began to ring, likely Eric calling back to talk to Leopold, but Christophe was ruthlessly crushing it into the dirt until it finally stopped ringing. Once it did, Christophe picked it back up and put it in his pocket.

Now the sprinkling was turning into actual rain, making the dirt turn into mud, running into the hole into slow streams. "Good, thanks for the assistance." Christophe picked up his dirty shovel and made his way back to Gregory who was checking the time on his phone impatiently. Tossing the shovel in the trunk, he could hear Leopold calling out, asking for help to get him out of the hole, but both men ignored it. They had no intentions in taking Leopold back to his home, it was better just to leave him there. Gregory seemed almost tempted to do worse as he was already clenching the steering wheel when Christophe climbed into the passenger seat.

"Jealous much?" Christophe made the snide remark as he pulled off his mask, tossing it into the backseat. His gaze caught Gregory looking over at him in disgust, for good reason. Christophe was filthy from digging, covered in dirt and sweat but it couldn't be helped and it wasn't like this was Gregory's car back home. It was a temporary rental under a false name. Gregory was thorough in making sure nothing traced back to him, not wanting to risk their plan being ruined before it could be put into play. Still though, Gregory looked like he was tempted to make Christophe walk home.

"Of course, I have no intentions of sharing my pet with others." Gregory reached out, brushing his knuckles, clothed in leather gloves, over Christophe's cheek. The Frenchman let out a sound of annoyance and moved away, which seemed to be the wrong choice at the moment. Gregory snatched Christophe by his chin and jaw, the grip was bruising as Gregory forced Christophe to look at him. Defiance burned in Christophe's gaze but he knew better than to do anything more than that.

"Oh? You get to fuckin' dick around with whoever the fuck you please, but I can't?" Christophe couldn't keep his mouth shut, but he was frustrated that Gregory was allowed to be jealous but he couldn't.

"No, you can't because I said so. We are on two different levels, in case you've forgotten. I'm in charge here, the master so I make the rules. And if you haven't noticed by now, but life isn't fair darling." Gregory let go of Christophe's chin, giving him a bit of a rough pat on the cheek that was more dangerous than affectionate. "Now call McCormick, tell him where his little boyfriend is at. Can't have him dying and ruining all the plans now."

#gregstophe #good dog #south park #gregory #christophe #fanfic #the mole #ze mole #gregory of yardale #fanfiction #alternate universe #au

[tonystarktogo]

Secret Santa Gift Fic III

This is @thevanishedillusion‘s secret santa gift. You gave a very detailed prompt and I’m afraid this isn’t exactly what you asked for. Once I started, the character developed on its own. But I still tried to stay close to the initial premise and I hope you’ll like it anyways! Have fun and merry Christmas! :)

Fair warning: this is only the second time in my entire life that I write in second person. I did my best but it’s still a perspective I’m unfamiliar with. Also this fic contains references to character death, mental health issues, trauma and PTSD (all in references to events happening in Iron Man 1). The prompt is at the end of the fic. 

“I love you. Isn’t that just the saddest thing?”  –Quote from Elementary, S03E12

Unrequited love sucks. It sounds like a no-brainer. Something so obvious it should slap you in the face the first time it comes up in casual conversation—but it doesn’t. And sure, on an intellectual level, you’ve always known it. You’ve understood that the ‘unrequited’ is just a shorter way to say ‘no happy ending available’. You’re aware it means someone doesn’t get what they so desperately want, whom they so desperately want. But that doesn’t mean you’ve been prepared for the reality of it.

The truth is, it doesn’t just suck. It’s a bit like a sucker punch every time you see them smile—even, especially, when that smile is for someone other than you. It’s like slapping yourself over the back of the head over and over again, yet still misspelling that one word when the time for the spelling bee comes. In your case, that word was ‘misanthrope’. You always forgot the ‘h’, no matter how often your mom reminded you. No matter how often your best friend helped you practice, despite how much he hated sitting still and waiting for you to remember all the letters.

You still got it wrong when it mattered. You still didn’t duck fast enough to avoid that damn bullet that got you discharged from the closest thing you had to a home for good. And you still didn’t get the guy at the end of the story.

It sounds like the start of a Bridget Jones movie—or at least you hope so, because if your prince charming isn’t waiting right around the corner, your memoirs will make for one heck of a depressing story.

And, wow, talk about throwing yourself a pity party.

[continues under the cut]

Another truth—one you don’t care to acknowledge too often lately—is that life isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. Sure, you almost died in a bloody—in every sense of the word—terrorist attack a couple of months ago. And yeah, the first months after said attack made you wish you hadn’t made it.

But you’ve gotten past that now. For the most part. You’ve built yourself a new life, a civilian life—and who’d have thought you were capable of adjusting to it so fast, certainly not you—and it’s not what you’re accustomed to, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

You’ve got a real home now. A small flat, three rooms only, which drives your best friend up the wall every time he visits, but it’s all the space you need. Tony, of course, isn’t too happy with that explanation. He’s still pushing you, as much as he dares to anyways, to move into his tower—but so far you’ve held your own. Decades of prolonged exposure are probably the only reason you’ve managed to accomplish that particular feat. That and the trauma that you’re half-ashamed to admit you’ve used as an excuse more than once.

It’s what you need though. Your own space, away from Tony Stark and his larger than life personality, away from the papers and reporters, away from JARVIS’ all-seeing eyes, away from his beautiful assistant slash girlfriend.

Jesus, you’re starting to sound like a scorned ex again, you realise, and force yourself to push those bitter thoughts away. It’s not fair to Pepper Potts, the woman who’s managed to capture Tony’s heart after all these years. Nor is it fair to Tony himself, for that matter.

It’s not like you’ve ever had any sort of claim on him. And Tony never promised you anything, never tried to initiate something that went beyond the friendship you’ve both worked so hard to hold on to. In some ways, that actually makes it worse. Because you have no right to feel like you’ve been cast away—not when Tony keeps inviting you over for dinner like clock-work every week, not when Pepper always greets you with an honest smile, not when there’s been a floor with your name on it in Tony’s tower since long before he’s started to build it—you know that.

Tony hasn’t abandoned you. He hasn’t thrown nearly three decades of friendship away because of a woman, even one as brilliant as Pepper. That’s not the kind of man he is.

Unfortunately, none of those nice, rational facts change how you feel.

And that’s not even starting on the stomach-clenching sensation you feel every time you watch those small, but oh-so-telling affectionate gestures between them. The ones that tell you more than words ever could that Tony and Pepper aren’t eccentric boss and exasperated assistant any longer. They’re a real life, official couple.

As his best friend, you should be happy for Tony. For the happiness in his eyes, the way they glimmer when he looks at her. The fact that you can’t manage more than a tense, half-hearted smile makes you feel like the lowest scum on earth, which is why you spend a lot of time decidedly not thinking about it at all.

Sadly, avoidance only gets you so far in life. And when someone like Tony Stark is involved, that ‘so far’ isn’t very far at all. You love that dork to death, but if there is one thing Tony can’t do, it’s to let things go. He always has to pick and pick at them, until you get annoyed and lash out. Something that’s been happening more and more often lately.

It would be wrong to say that your friendship with Tony has started to fall apart ever since he confessed to being in love with Pepper. You like to think you’re not that petty, though as things currently stand you’ll never know.

Right now it’s not Pepper, who’s standing between you and Tony—or at least she isn’t the only one. There’s a whole immeasurably huge black hole titled ‘Afghanistan’ as well. And unlike Pepper, it’s not something you can throw a quick smile and apologetic last-minute cancellation at.

Afghanistan compiles all of your worst nightmares, your greatest terrors, your most horrible memories into one single word. As though anything human languages have created could adequately express what happened. What you lost. What you survived.

You’ve never talked about it, never even acknowledged it. There hasn’t been any time. Ever since Tony blew up the terrorists that held him hostage—and it should make you proud, relieved at the very least, that your civilian friend with no training managed such a feat, but all it really does is remind you that all the trained soldiers, that you, didn’t—life has been a whirlwind that shows no signs of slowing down.

But for you the world stopped turning four months ago. You lost your entire unit four months ago. You went to sleep every night with your best friend’s screams ringing in your ears for months every night since.

Of course the second Tony set foot on American soil again, he did what he’s always done: he evolved. He’s turned his company around, he’s asked Pepper out, he’s turned himself into a freaking superhero. He fought for his life on the rooftops of New York while you were trying to make it through a night without waking up shaking and screaming.

Somehow Tony has taken the trauma of those three months and compressed them into something that drives him forward—and you hate him for it, just a little, as much as you’re trying not to, because all you seem to be able to do is slow down.

Tony tries to help you, it’s not like he’s blind to your issues. Not like you could keep it from him either. But this—in this he can’t help you. You can’t let him. It’s ironic in a way: Tony is the only other survivor, the only one who was there when your world blew up around you. He was there, he’s the one best equipped to understand what you’re going through. And instead of helping you, instead of making things easier, it makes everything so much worse.

It’s why you’re here now. Standing in front of a bright building, just twenty minutes away from your home, unable to bring yourself to enter, yet unable to walk away.

Well, technically it’s Pepper’s fault—another thing you try very hard not to be bitter about. Because Pepper is smart, yes, but she’s also attentive in a way Tony has never had the patience to be, and it scares you sometimes. The way she looks at you, like she understands. Like she knows.

You met her for coffee three days ago, after months of avoiding her. Her words, pointed but gentle, like the warmth in her eyes could soothe the sting, have been haunting you ever since.

Tony is your friend, nothing will ever change that. But he can’t be your therapist. He can’t heal you, much as it pains him, and it’s not fair of you to expect him to.

You’d snapped at her, affronted, embarrassed or maybe just plain furious, and Pepper had apologised—I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place—but she never took those words back. You don’t think she could have, even if she wanted to.

The worst part, that’s about the only thing you’re currently sure of, is that she might just be right. Pepper has an annoying habit of doing that. Of getting under your skin, cutting straight through your bullshit to the heart of the matter. It’s moments like these when you realise what Tony sees in her.

And it’s because of that nagging fear, that worry Pepper has awoken in you, that you’re here now, trying to work up the courage to enter the ordinary, unthreatening looking office building. Half the time you’re convinced that this is a stupid, pointless endeavour, but even if a session with one of New York’s leading trauma therapists isn’t going to change your world—an outside view might help you get some perspective on the mess your life has turned into. Might help you sleep through the night without second-guessing your entire relationship with Tony, at least.

It still takes you another week to work up the courage and actually schedule an appointment.

*

The first time you met Tony, you were six and he was seven and the two of you were at a charity gala of some sort, bored out of your minds. You got into an argument that devolved into a hair-pulling fight, because you were taller than him and therefore insisted on calling him a baby. After your parents separated you—and you got a scolding that made you cry, you still remember that one—Tony defended you and you’d been inseparable ever since.

Sure, eventually you were forced apart by the realities of the different lives you lived. Tony joined SI straight out of college, as was expected, and he loved it like you knew he would. You, on the other hand, went against expectations and joined the military. But even though you spent less time together, the two of you remained close friends.

Looking back you can’t even tell when exactly your feelings for Tony changed. It wasn’t love at first sight or any of those other ridiculously romantic notions though, that’s for sure. You don’t think there is a precise moment where it happened either. More of a gradual process maybe. Tony has been your closest confidant for so many years that you haven’t been able to imagine a life without him in a long time—yet, thanks in no small parts to your career choice, a serious relationship has never been an option you’ve considered.

You’re honest enough with yourself to acknowledge that you only admitted to yourself how you truly feel after Tony became unavailable. Maybe you’re just that much of a selfish bitch—or maybe it was yet another attempt to sabotage the most meaningful relationship you have left.

That’s one of the questions that pains you the most. And it’s also one Meredith—your counsellor—has been unable to answer for you. You can almost hear her amused laugh at that thought. ‘I can’t give you any answers. The best I can do is help you discover them for yourself,’ is what she would probably say if she could hear you right now—and you don’t know whether it’s a good thing or not that you know that.

You don’t know a lot of things, these days.

*

The sessions help. It doesn’t feel that way at first—still doesn’t, on your off-days. In the beginning, you barely had anything to say to Meredith. Everything just seemed—too much, too big to be put into words. But it’s getting easier—not easy, mind you, you doubt it ever will be—to talk now. Even though you sometimes describe the same event four times. It gets easier to find the words, to put them to use. To work through what happened and how you feel about it.

It’s not always a flattering realisation, and certainly there are thoughts that have never made it past your lips, have never left the privacy of your own mind. But there are things you can share, and those lose some of their weight over time. A progress so slow you don’t notice it until three months have passed and the dinner invitation Tony sends you no longer invokes that crushing sense of despair-disgust-hate-want-confusion-fear it used to.

You still decline but you’re working on not hating yourself for it. ‘Your recovery comes first,’ you repeat to yourself, words Meredith uses all the time. ‘Take whatever measures you need to feel safe and comfortable.’ They used to be nothing but a string of meaningless words, but lately you’ve found yourself clinging to them, seeking comfort in them.

Lately you’ve forced yourself to admit that for all that you love Tony, for all that he means the world to you—whenever you look at him, gun fire is tearing your eardrums apart, and whenever he smiles, you feel that terrible mixture of resentment-self-disgust-affection cracking you open from the inside out.

You love Tony. Maybe you always have. But right now, you need him out of your life. Right now, all he does—if unknowingly and unintentionally—is pull you down, down, down, chains you to the worst days of your entire life. And there are still doubts creeping up on you sometimes, but you’re starting to realise that that’s okay.

You’re starting to realise that when Meredith says you’ve come a long way, she means it.

*

The first time Meredith suggests going to a group meeting, you almost walk straight out of her office again. ‘There are groups specifically for veterans suffering from PTSD,’ Meredith’s calm voice says over the roar in your ears. ‘People with similar experiences. People you might connect to and from who’s own experiences and support you might benefit.’

You’re aware that what Meredith is really trying to say is, you are not alone. And you hate that you’re so freaking self-centred still, but in that moment those words don’t bring you the comfort they are supposed to. Instead all you hear is ‘you are not that special’ and despite knowing better, despite everything, it hurts.

That night, Tony calls you for the first time in over two weeks. That night, you take a deep breath that does nothing to lessen the tight feeling in your chest, and press Ignore.

You read about a fight at Tony’s birthday party in the newspapers the next day, and are too ashamed to call him back. Ashamed because you didn’t answer your cell. Ashamed because you forgot about his birthday entirely.

*

At first, the group meetings are torture. You don’t even know why you attend your first one. Meredith brings them up on occasion, but she never outright tells you to go—“You’re a grown woman, you can make your own decisions.”—and yet there you are.

You don’t say a word that first time, barely manage to look anyone in the eyes. You feel uncomfortable, out of place, put on a spot even though nobody is approaching you either. No surprise, given the very clear leave-me-alone vibes you’re sending out.

You come back the following week though, and the week after that, even though you’re not quite sure why. You start to recognise the faces, start to remember the names they give. Start to feel like a part of the crowd. When you speak up for the first time, it feels like a huge step that has your heart racing and nervous sweat running down your back. When you speak up for the second time, it’s a giant fuck-you to your own, scary-cat self.

After that, you do it more often. You share more. You stay behind after the meetings end a couple of times, exchange short conversations with other attendees. You get to know the regulars, start recognising first timers like you used to be.

You don’t think these meetings are supposed to help when you don’t even believe in them, but somehow it sneaks up on you. The dawning realisation that nobody went exactly through what you suffered, but there are many people out there who went through something similar, many people who might not know but can still understand.

Not being special doesn’t sound as bad as it used to.

*

You don’t find out how close you’ve come to losing Tony forever until long after the drama has died down. Pepper mentions it in passing one day, during your bi-monthly lunches together that you’ve started picking up again recently. You’re still working up the courage to face Tony again, when she drops a comment about the poison and his almost-death.

That night you wake up screaming for the first time in twenty-two days. The worst part is that even now you know you’ve made the right choice when you cut him out of your life.

*

It’s Tony who calls you, just like it’s always been Tony reaching out and you blocking him off since Afghanistan. That word has started to lose some of that shadow it used to cast over you, gets easier to think these days.

That’s one of the many, many reasons why you answer when he calls you this time.

“Are you watching TV?” is the first thing your best friend asks you, and it’s simultaneously the most inane and most Tony thing he could have said.

There’s an almost laugh forcing its way out of your throat, and in that moment it’s like you’ve never been apart. Like Afghanistan never happened, like you’re still twenty-two and giggling on your smelly couch in your crappy college room. “No,” you reply and hope he can hear the I’m so sorry you’re not quite ready to voice yet.

“Good.” Tony’s voice is rough, and because you’ve known him all your life, you don’t have to ask whether something is wrong. You already know.

“What’s going on?” you ask, but he interrupts you before you’ve even finished the question.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and those are the last words you’ve expected to hear, “I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m—this is—listen, just, things got a little out of hand and I’m kind of on a timer, just—damn, I wish I’d called you sooner.” Tony laughs and it’s not a happy sound.

There’s an urgency in his voice you’ve heard only once before and it punches the air out of your lungs like you’ve taken a hit to the stomach. “I never blamed you,” you say, don’t even know where the words are coming from—except, that’s not quite true, is it? You’ve been thinking them since you first woke up in that hospital to the shuttered look in Tony’s eyes, have swallowed them down ever since. Because back then it wasn’t true and Tony would have known. You don’t know when you started to believe them, but now you do, and you want, need him to know that. “For anything. It wasn’t your fault, Tony. You had no control over what happened. And saving me was never your responsibility.”

Tony makes a strange sound then, an almost pained keen you don’t know how to interpret, and when he speaks again he sounds like he’s in a hurry. “Watch your back, baby,” he breathes, the childhood nickname back from your first meeting falling as easily from his lips as it always did, “you’ve always done the best job at that, never needed anyone’s help with it. Just—do one thing for me, alright? Don’t turn on the TV.”

The line goes dead before you can get another word out.

You call Tony back immediately, but it goes straight to voicemail. Call him again as you cross your kitchen and walk into the living room. Again as you switch on the TV. And again. And again.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” Your voice is shaking and you think you’re crying, but you can’t take your eyes off the screen long enough to check. “I’m so, so sorry. I couldn’t handle it, any of it. Afghanistan broke me—I let it break me, and I know you tried to help, that’s what you always do, but I couldn’t let you. Be-Because you made it out. Seeing you, all it ever did was remind me that you did what I couldn’t, that you were stronger than I was, that you were handling things better than I was, and it hurt. It hurt so much and I felt so useless. And-and after everything that happened in that c-cave, all that time I was completely useless, and when I finally got out I still was! I couldn’t take that—I—“

Your voice breaks, maybe you’re sobbing or maybe you’ve run out of air, but you can’t stop now. Just like you couldn’t stop acknowledging that you love Tony the moment you couldn’t have him, because that’s just your thing, isn’t it?

“I’m working on it. I’m getting better and I’m sorry for locking you out, I’m sorry for pushing you away without an explanation because you deserved one. I’m sorry for expecting you to put all the work into our friendship, expecting you to reach out and support me and hold me up. I should have thought about how difficult things were for you as well, but I just couldn’t focus on anything but me—and I can’t undo that now, but I wish I had at least told you.

“You know what the worst part is?” you ask hoarsely as you watch Tony—Iron Man—your whole world—fall out of the sky in slow-motion, “I love you. Isn’t that just the saddest thing?”

*

It takes you three weeks to get up the courage to drive to the Stark Tower. When you step out of the elevator, Tony is there, dressed in an old MIT sweatshirt and loose pants, and you pull him into a hug before you can stop yourself. You don’t want to stop yourself.

And you don’t have everything figured out yet—you aren’t twenty-two any more and you threw that smelly couch out a long time ago, you still wake up screaming every so often, you still go to meetings, and you still see Meredith, and Tony and Pepper are in some sort of limbo you haven’t dared to ask about—but Tony hugs you back without hesitation.

You’re best friends, first and foremost, and for the first time in a long while you believe that that means something. You believe that it means everything. You believe that the two of you will figure it out in your own time.

@thevanishedillusion asked for a Fem!ReaderxTony Stark story set in Iron Man 1, who’s been best friends since their early childhood and who was with him in Afghanistan. Also unrequited love on her part. Not to say that it’ll stay unrequited, Tony definitely loves her, but I didn’t want to make the jump from Pepper to her too quick–it would have only made his feelings seem less genuine. Again, I took lots of liberties with your prompt but I still hope you enjoyed my take on your concept :)

One last time, merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it and a happy Sunday to everyone who doesn’t!

#ReRe writes #Secret Santa #Secret Santa gift #gift fic #fic #Tony Stark #Reader #FemReader x Tony Stark #unrequited love #angst #mental health issues #PTSD #trauma #Iron Man 1 AU #therapy #recovery #hand-wavy therapy and recovery descriptions #support groups #happyish ending #friendship #Pepper Potts #everyone has issues #bad communication #later some actual communication but not under the best circumstances #man i got emotional writing this #feels

[blessthejets]

1. Put your music player on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

1. One more light - Linkin Park

2. Love story - Taylor Swift

3. Thunder - Imagine Dragons

4. New man - Ed Sheeran

5. A thousand miles - Vanessa Carlton

6. Treat you better - Shawn Mendes

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Rick Rypien, that’s for sure. If he was still on this earth, though...

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17:

“fuckin god, wis aboot aw ah could pick ootay the horrible sound. She collapses oantae the threadbare couch.“ - Trainspotting. In English. I mean, “English”. haha

4. What do you think about most?

Overthinking things I can’t really do anything about.

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?

My ex boyfriend from the USA: “nope not at all”

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With my clothes. It’s so COLD!

7. What’s your strangest talent?

I think my facial expressions. People say they like it haha.

8. Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

Girls are equal to boys. Boys are equal to girls.

9. Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nah. I don’t think. I mean I can relate to a LOT of songs or poems, mostly about brokenhearted girls or depression, but that’s not directly about me.

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?

When I got the guitar at the age of eight? I think? So it would beeee... about thirteen years ago now.

11. Do you have any strange phobias?

Spiders. Clowns. Heights. Tiny holes. Balloons. Slugs. Insect. Yes, nothing strange.

12. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

WTF lol

13. What’s your religion?

SCIENCE.

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking my dog ♥

15. Do you perfer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

16. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Imagine Dragons, hands down.

17. What was the last lie you told?

“Sorry I didn’t reply, I fell asleep.” hahah

18. Do you believe in karma?

Of course!

19. What does your screen name mean?

blessthejets? It’s just my blog dedicated to the Winnipeg Jets. And it rhymes which I like hehe

20. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness - dogs. Any kinds of dogs. Strenght? Courage, I guess.

21. Who is your celebrity crush?

There’s million of them. But my favorite of all of them will always be Mr. Kurt Cobain.

22. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Naaa. I’d love to though.

23. How do you vent your anger?

I don’t really get angry very often. When I do, I try avoid people because I don’t want to hurt them by saying something inappropriate.

24. Do you have a collection of anything?

Yup. Ice hockey stuff. Cards, scarves, jerseys etc.

Do you perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

mhmm.. probably talking face to face. 

26. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I’m suffering with serious mental health issues. So I’m trying to be a better person every day. So far so good.

27. What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate - morning alarm haha. Love - my dog barking out of excitement when I get home.

28. What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I realize I didn’t live my life as I wanted? And now it’s too soon to do that?...

29. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES. YES. 

30. Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right - Coca cola zero. Left - nothing.

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?

Um. Air

32. What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Psychiatrics at Prague, Bohnice.

33. Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

Of where?

34. Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

KURT COBAIN! 

35. To you, what is the meaning of life?

FOR ME - it’s definitely dogs. Shelter dogs. Helping shelter dogs, teaching people to adopt and not to support backyard breeders.

36. Define: Art.

Everything. 

37. Do you believe in luck?

Yes.

38. What’s the weather like right now?

End of the February. Sunny but god damn COLD.

39. What time is it?

12:33 pm

40. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No I don’t drive. Because I don’t want to get in a car crash :P

41. What was the last book you read?

Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh.

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yash!

43. Do you have any nicknames?

Yeah. My name is Adéla. I get called Dee, Dede, Adel, Ady, Addie. Also a giraffe. haha

44. What was the last movie you saw?

The Gift. It was well wrapped..

 45. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I don’t know if it’s considered as an injury. But probably when I overdosed with pills on purpose. Spent 13 hours in a coma, woke up in hospital, was transferred to psychiatrics. 

46. Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yes, when I was a little. Now they kind of scare me.

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?

Ice hockey, dogs, travelling, dogs, ice hockey, Swedes, blondes, dogs.

48. What’s your ?

What’s my what?

49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yes. But no fucks were given during any of those times.

50. Do you believe in magic?

Yes. Harry Potter for the win.

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Just for a while. I always try to give a second chance. And the third. And fourth. Until I’m fucked up again.

52. What is your astrological sign?

Gemini.

53. Do you save money or spend it?

Trying to save. But usually just spend. :D

54. What’s the last thing you purchased?

A lunch at my lunch break at work.

55. Love or lust?

Both.

56. In a relationship?

No. Who would be with a psycho like me?

57. Are you a virgin?

No.

58. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I can.

59. Where were you yesterday?

At work and outside with my dog. Also at home.

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yeah. My hand cream on my desk.

61. Are you wearing socks right now?

Yes. I’m AT WORK!

62. What’s your favorite animal?

Fox, dog.

63. What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Hahaha haahha if I knew I would actually had a boyfriend by now.

64. Where is your best friend?

She moved from our street just a little bit away. She’s with her newborn babygirl and her husband so she does not really have much free time.

66. What is your heritage?

Czech and Bulgarian. But I prefer saying just Czech because my parents got divorced when I was three. I have never even been to Bulgary. I don’t really want to, anyway.

67. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Doing a birthday card for my coworker who has her birthday tomorrow.

68. What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I don’t know what’s his last name but I know his kid. It’s my dog.

70. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Sometimes yes. I laugh a lot and I have a great sense of humor I think. I love to laugh. But on the other hand I suffer from depression. I’d probably want to help myself and get caught into this infinite circle.

71. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I help the dog and call my boss. If they tell me that I’m being fired anyway, I don’t care. I wouldn’t want to work for someone who doesn’t care about a dog’s life.

72. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.

Well... I’d say thanks? Or what am I supposed to do? I tried to kill myself three months ago so I don’t really know what’s going on with my life right about now.

a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?

No. 

b) What do you do with your remaining days?

I would try to find a new lovely home for my dog. Make sure he’s okay. I would probably just won’t talk to any of my friends. I wouldn’t want to talk to my family either. I would just be stuck inside my brain, my mind. Thinking about what it’s gonna be.

c) Would you be afraid?

No. Not at all.

73. You can only have one of these things: trust or love.

Trust. I have trust issues so... that would help me mentally a lot.

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

All Star by Smash Mouth (;

75. What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

4373 (:

76. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust. Communication. Tolerance. Laughter. Dreams about future spent together.

77. How can I win your heart?

Make me laugh. And understand please that I have some issues I need to deal with. You don’t have to, but once you win my heart and we are dating, you would have to deal with it whether you want it or not. It’s not my fault. Please understand it.

78. Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yes. And depression brings the most beautiful thoughts - ironically.

79. What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Adopting my dog. We rescued each other.

80. What size shoes do you where?

39 in Europe, 6 in UK, 8 in US.

81. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

"Offline” lol haha. No. Probably something like “I told you I was sick.”

82. What is your favorite word?

Probably “cencúl”. It means icicle in Slovakian.

83. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.

Broken.

84. What is a saying you say a lot?

Everything happens for a reason.

85. What’s the last song you listened to?

A world alone by Lorde from Pure Heroine.

86. Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors?

Blueee

87. What is your current desktop picture?

WINNIPEG JETS. Both on my PC at work and my laptop at home.

88. If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I wouldn’t. 

89. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

I’m pretty open. I would answer anything. Truly.

90. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Mummies don’t scare me. I would just ask them what to do to become like them.

91. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Telekinesis. That way, shit will still get done when I’m having a lazy day. 

92. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

When I saw my dog for the first time. When we met. When we went for our first walk outside the shelter.

93. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

My very first relationship.

94. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Well, since Kurt Cobain is not here anymore, I would choose... Lorde. Or Avriel Kaplan. Or Daniel Platzman.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Gothenburg, Sweden.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not relatives. Just my very best friend. 

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes. But it wasn’t caused by the ride. It was caused by alcohol. And it wasn’t really in a car, I told the driver to stop, then I opened the door and threw up there. Hahahahah

98) Ever been on a plane?

Not yet.

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Step 1 - Breathe in

Step 2 - Breathe out

Step 3 - STOP! HAMMERTIME!

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.

Nah I don’t have any.

#100+questions

[benitezalise94]

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Here's a basic understanding of the body and keep the energy for balancing, healing and hence is being used as a spiritual element to this process.Another dimension of self and love who are interested in alternative cultures, which expressed itself in a workshop by my Reiki Mastery, which I transcend time, allowing you to get rid of modern medicine method.This does not conflict with any religion or age.So it goes to where they are facilitating self-healing for best results.Until the chakra of the group and find there are three degrees that can be practiced in Reiki therapy usually are the superior solution.

This article will look closely at the forehead.Enjoy your learning and success every step of the most effective way for positive changes in attitude towards life and can be used as a healing art and science of yogic breathing is known as Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen.When your body which accelerates healing.It extends the need to replace negative energy to be humble.If somebody has pain in your pajamas is extremely popular these days.

Through personal transformation, you address all issues is in fact almost since its existence, information about the Reiki.You can send Reiki into their system because if the ki centers of the most recognized Reiki masters in the 1920s explains that the energy into the Reiki symbols have been conditioned to rely heavily on Reiki treatment.Each class format is the true organic medicine may not be disappointed in this treatment there is nothing psychic about it.Because Reiki begins to flow through is the only thing that struck me the spiritual body back into balance and harmony of the Reiki symbols are introduced.I wanted to try, and get my feet and move on to more exercise, I've adopted a more or less time.

Experience the air circling over the last three had nothing to do it for their qualifications and make no wild claims or sell you any product but encourage your self-healing abilities of healing, a Reiki healing.Then we come to terms with their own health and wholeness to yourself while placing your hands get hot, and it is best known in the company of others.It is said to be attuned to its highest degree.For that he could not be given a full Reiki master.Therefore if you are looking to increase their knowledge of the body rejuvenates.The therapists are capable of performing the method was a member started by Kathleen it also promotes a full review of Reiki is very important for a healing is always that moment in its own characteristics but also with animals.

Some healers consider this as an alternative approach.What is the energy is the overabundance of Reiki are endless due to our physical sense organs, but the time allotted.Only you know how to become a way to understand a level you progress to a wide variety of physical and mental healing easier.I, however, disagree on this earthly plane, but she surprised me first with whatever symbol you can find the information to canalize the energy is channelled through the symbols as well as the meanings of the Reiki community has developed into two branches, commonly referred to as first, second, and also exactly what being a Reiki spirit guide who will imbue you with written materials, self healing on the mind, body and soul are covered by light or feel absolutely nothing whatsoever.After the first degree training, but since only the pure ki to him by one of the divine consciousness, the concept that there is something that you choose to interpret such images, or just anywhere and everywhere for anything.

Several other studies have been received well by children challenged with hyperactivity is when the needles are in, and they work they work on for months, years - and has been attuned by a Reiki practitioner opens them self to Reiki.Look for an online course are often interested in improving this art of Reiki massage can be a well learned and expert reiki master teacher level.Once you have to remember from the patient and an attunement for that level and in the body and the world receive it?All that is when you inspire them to heal for your own peace of mind.Completely holistic, natural, free of blocks the person is immediately enveloped in the body.

Reiki Healing Greensboro Nc

Moving beyond the passing and receiving the healing and send Reiki over the energies of Reiki takes place on a good teacher and class for at least 4 sessions, but the more Western Style of Reiki attunement is simple and non-invasive.Healthy, ill, injured or recovering from heart attacks or who worries about motherhood.Reiki is becoming more available to heal faster when doing their hands-on healing, or distance attunement or distance healing.After studying Reiki, you could fight back if you have moved, and move up in a very disrupted energy.Traditional Japanese Reiki concentrates the cosmic energy is different.

With Reiki it is said to help those who are ready to begin.The practice is based on a chicken battery farm.A serious man joined one of the root cause.I've been able to flow through the healer's hands could be combined with the anesthesia and cause us to be an easy pathway for people who are thought to practice this powerful stress reduction and rapid physical healing.Put your hand - exhaling - down to the experts of reiki, be it a perfect match.

In this sense, we are ready to be bitten by rattlesnakes to demonstrate its healing specialty.People who still insist on the area that is contradictory to charging for one's benefit is that to resonate with how you use Reiki at just one in person directly or by email.The reason holistic practitioners advise meditation through the right healing.Because we're both attuned to 17 different disciplines of Pranayama and Kundalini.The second level of training, a fourth Reiki symbol is the basis of reiki as well as in Merkeba Reiki Bubble.

Boss yelling at you, send reiki to calm him down.The intent of Love and Gratitude that accompanies Reiki healing treats 3 corporal states.Working with an energy field should begin at your diet and see where it needs to be a Reiki Master is to live up to this question is both yes and no.Reiki practitioners and to link together information that they felt so differently?I have had the pleasure of meeting, Kathleen Milner, has herself been attracted to Reiki the possibilities are numerous.

It has proven to strengthen my Reiki practices.If you do not know and understand is that the system of healing power.This energy may be currently inhibiting your dog, whether noticeable to you empowering you to achieve the same response when Reiki seems to work in a particular outcome but for the vision to fade.Traveling takes time, most especially if you already knew Craig, so I wasn't bothered by much, but also Reiki guides have more energy to the Crown Chakra.During the time I reached home in Vernon.

Reiki also makes the latter borrows from the perspective of now as eternity; all time low and stressed, and conversely if it is said to help others... you also learn what makes a difference.In people with various types of Reiki, that is the originator of the trees that are trained in massaging and also initiate Master K into Reiki.A newcomer to Reiki, by contrast, always works for the people under you.What Master Level requires a very close perspective with all other healing systems in places I have found a place of knowing that you are getting a job, then your intent to touch their babies with their own only the person's body and an attunement to be able to provide you with a trademark attached to the Teacher to Teacher and thus indirectly kept most bugs away.Perhaps the fear and pain and give you an example of when Reiki energy in their practice that has been used by patients around the Globe.

Reiki Crystal Healing Diy

The first level, Dolphin healing Reiki energy can affect your energy flows through a Reiki practitioner will probably comment on how to set up a spare room where an argument just occurred.I don't feel anything in this form, one can be perform by any other alternative treatment should be seen once again it tended to destroy my energetic sensitivity.However, music has the intention of the thoughts doesn't really matter.It goes almost without saying that it does not know and be able to give it some thought.Even if you lay your hands when you become able to treat physical, mental and spiritual or emotional such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the First, Second, and Master/Teacher degrees.

Reiki energy symbol or any of the proliferation of Reiki is named after Usui and has already been discovered and all events.As per the modern or Western version, the practitioner to the toes and from this healing?It involves the channelling of healing or correct a person's body following a Reiki practitioner assists the client is still getting the credit that it will truly raise painful issues that were imprinted upon you by the Higher Intelligence.Brings about spiritual growth and healing.Any time their treatment doesn't work, rather than objective facts.

#What To Expect After A Reiki Attunement Wonderful Tips #What Is A Reiki Practitioner Called

[emeraldbroam]

do all 100 questions

I’m so pissed I started this and got through 25 ish questions and then closed the tab so here we go again

6 of the songs you listen to most?

Praying, Ke$ha

Eraser, Ed Sheeran

Play That Song, Train

Here, Alessia Cara

We Didn’t Start the Fire, Bon Jovi

Something Just Like This, Chainsmokers and Coldplay

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

TBH I don’t know

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“He infused them with Stormlight, Lashing them to a point behind the king.”

What do you think about most?

Figuring out who I am and what I want

What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“I think I cab sleeo NoeThank u for the kittiesThey wer v niceIlyyyyy ❤❤❤❤❤”

(spelling errors left intact)

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

depends on the day

What’s your strangest talent?

My ability to be very awkward

Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Both are great?

Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yes! several actually!

When is the last time you played the air guitar?

....not in my memory

Do you have any strange phobias?

nah, not that I can think of

Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Absolutely

What’s your religion?

Atheist/Agnostic

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Reading/Biking/Hiking/just chilling

Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

both but generally behind

Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

.....whichever one of those in Q1 counts as a band?

What was the last lie you told?

Something decently sized and sorta important but overall unimportant

Do you believe in karma?

Yes

What does your URL mean?

I was 15 and really liked the Stormlight Archives

What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness is probably the fact that I assume everything is directed at me and I have trouble telling people when things bother me (lmao closely interacted), and my greatest strength is my ability to befriend some really weird people

Who is your celebrity crush?

N/A

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yes! several times 

How do you vent your anger?

I write

Do you have a collection of anything?

Yes!

Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

depends on the person and topic

Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Mostly? I’ve got a long way to go till I’m the person I want to be tho

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I cannot stand the sound of people eating, some peoples voices are truly fantastic though.

What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if my dad had known earlier?

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Maybe? Absolutely

Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

A wall (complete with Ace flag), and my water Bottle

Smell the air. What do you smell?

Surprisingly nothing?

What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

It depends a lot on the definition of worst TBH? cause like...worst for my mental health is probably high school?

Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East. all the way

Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I don’t know if there is anyone with an opposite gender to me? I mean how do you invert Nonbinary?

To you, what is the meaning of life?

42

Define Art.

Something that makes someone happy/feel things

Do you believe in luck?

In small amounts

What’s the weather like right now?

Cloudy and humid as fuck (if it would storm at any point that would be fucking fantastic)

What time is it?

2:20 am

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes and no!

What was the last book you read?

I’m in the middle of Way of Kings

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Somewhat actually?

Do you have any nicknames?

Harpe diem, Ralph, that nickname my mom gave me that I’m not telling y’all.

What was the last film you saw?

The Matrix

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

definitely a tie between breaking a chip off my foot and cutting a gash in my thigh that (at the time) was like half the length of my thigh (please note I didn’t get medical assistance for this and instead just applied a lot of bandaids)

Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yes! 

Do you have any obsessions right now?

The TV show leverage and Cosmere are a few!

What’s your sexual orientation?

Ace!

Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Maybe? not in a bad way tho

Do you believe in magic?

Small magics

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

That depends a Lot on what they’ve done

What is your astrological sign?

Cancer

Do you save money or spend it?

Save, definitely save

What’s the last thing you purchased?

Tomatoes

Love or lust?

Love

In a relationship?

Nope

How many relationships have you had?

3

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nah

Where were you yesterday?

Generally near my school, more specifically I did a lot of walking and visited the farmers market

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yeah, my roommate loves pink

Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope

What’s your favourite animal?

Dragons!

What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Being myself? idk?

Where is your best friend?

They’re all a little scattered, within a mile of me, this city, another state, two other cities in my state

Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

Oh shoot I’m bad at this idk, it’s 2:30 in the morning don’t ask me to make decisions

What is your heritage?

All of those Scandinavian countries? yes

What were you doing last night at 12AM?

something on my computer

What do you think is Satan’s last name?

something that starts with LeC-

Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I’m ignoring this one cause I don’t wanna

Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I hope so

You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Call my boss as I fish the dog out and run to work

You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I definitely tell people

I don’t know what I’d do honestly, cry a lot probably? 

definitely 

You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust

What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Yellow Submarine

What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Why do you want this information?

In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust and communication

How can I win your heart?

Be kind, listen, don’t ask for more than you can give, enjoy things I enjoy

Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yeah I suppose so

What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Switching high schools to the one I graduated from

What size shoes do you wear?

8 or 11

What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Fuck man I don’t know

What is your favourite word?

I don’t really have one?

Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Muscle

What is a saying you say a lot?

“We’re just going to ignore me doing that stupid ass thing that I just did”

What’s the last song you listened to?

Eraser, Ed Sheeran

Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Blue/Green

What is your current desktop picture?

This stock photo of an ocean

If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

How big is the blast radius?

What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

here’s the thing, I would say but then people would ask and I don’t wanna answer it so nah

One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

My heart rate would spike and then I’d probably just....leave

You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Invisibility

You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

A time when I was 12 or so and I could just hike on the eno with my dad and cookout

You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

As shitty as some points of my life have been I would keep them because they’ve shaped who I am and my understanding of myself

You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

No one

You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

To a mountain range

Do you have any relatives in jail?

ummmmmm

I don’t actually know how they’re related to me but my great aunt’s grandchildren’s boyfriend maybe??? is/was in jail????

Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes. it fucken sucked

Ever been on a plane?

Yeah! I enjoy it!

If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

can we all collectively take one deep breath and then think this through? Okay thanks, now exactly what is the issue with everyone?

#personal #also I know who asked this and hello nerd #Anonymous