#my sweet son that has every disease

[ifjgh]

Kensington's little brother, Kassi, is next in this paper cut-out-esq adventure. Had some difficulties with incorporating some of his details with this style, but I made them work the best I could. <3

#oc #original character #art #papercraft #Kassi #project x #my sweet son that has every disease #he deserves so much better at least Kenzie is good for him #best brother duo ngl #just have 2 more busts to do #Shark should be fairly easy i just have to fight his hair a little #but Lunjet's mask is going to make me cry #wish me luck lol

[corduroyserpent]

#do you like my baby boy my sweet son cuocuo who has every disease #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #cuo cuo #cuocuo #crossposted on twt #my post #image description in alt

[reinabeestudio]

Uploading this from the Moonsetter cover by itself because I like it :]

Jams time with the mom figure

#my art #self insert #yomiel (sona) #homestuck #dave strider #quality gone to hell bc idk how to make gifs but #my cog. he blinks #my sweet son with bad posture he has every disease #like i said not adding context. assume bitch SDKFJDSJKFGD

[pastrydragon]

The BG3 Beef I wanna see shitpost

While I do love the idea of Tav/Astarion/Karlach/whoever getting more unique mean dialogue with Ulder Ravengard, especially when he has the audacity to take up space in your camp like that instead of someone cooler like Barcus or that one bullied hyena, I want very specific flavor text that you'd only get in the epilogue party if you pick a specific ending even more.

I think if you romance Wyll as Gale or Gale as Wyll and then you don't go to Avernus, I think it would be totally galaxy brain to have dialogue in the epilogue that reveals Ulder Ravengard and Morena Dekarios fucking DESPISE one another. Because they absolutely would.

We never get to meet Morena in game but you can tell from what Gale and Tara say about her and Gale's... Galeness that she is at least a part time passenger on the "Fuck you my child is fine" train. Her sweet little boy? Commit evil deeds? Never! There has obviously been a mistake. I mean she indulged that "Gale Of Waterdeep" nonsense and when Gale summoned a full on Tressym after being explicitly denied a kitten as a child, she just let him keep her. No repercussions.

And then her sweet boy brings home another sweet boy who is probably EXACTLY what she pictured Gale's partner should be like.(Because Wyll is the damn blueprint for "Guy you could bring home to mom") Wyll is ridiculously sweet to Gale, he's the perfect gentleman, he's very open to the idea of giving Morena the grandchildren she's been nagging Gale about in the very near future. Pinch her, she must be dreaming!

I cannot imagine her reacting to Wyll's backstory with any amount of empathy towards Ulder, obviously that man is a cruel psychopath to throw poor Wyll out like that after "a tiny misunderstanding" and Wyll is just too good of a son not to see it. Which is partially true, Wyll is definitely still in some kind of denial stage over what his father did but that's not the point of the post.

Then there's Ulder who probably thinks Gale is... Fine. He's not someone he ever would have pictured for Wyll. Gale is a babbling oddball, he has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and has only ever met the pointy end of a sword. But he can't say anything because Gale saved him, his son, and Bulder's gate, and a small army of tieflings, and apparently a bunch of mushroom people and blah blah more reasons he can never have the moral high ground blah. He's undeniably stuck with this fucking wizard, and his nightmare of a mother.

Morena firmly believes that since the Ravengard manor is technically Wyll's now, then it's also Gale's and thus is now hers as well. When I say she would walk through the doors like she owned the place I mean it very literally. Where did Ulder's old helmet display go? "They were rusty and it was ruining the wooden shelves, besides these enchanted swords go better with the new drapes we had to get, I don't know how you didn't notice how moth eaten they were getting." Everyday he wakes up and something about his own damn home has been changed to make it look more like a wizard tower. She doesn't even live here most of the time!

And it doesn't stop there, not at all. No this women has to make sure his son doesn't live there full time either. Every holiday and birthday she has to send Gale a letter about how much she misses him and you should visit so you can take a break from all that(Very important!) work and how she already has the venison just for Wyll.

And every time he's forced to interact with this harpy she looks at him with a sweet smile on her face, honey in her voice and the burning hatred of a thousand suns in her eyes then somehow managed to insult him five times in one sentence without ever explicitly insulting him. This women is a devil from Avernus sent to punish him for his sins and she's even won over the grandkids. Obviously that women is a manipulative psychopath for using her control over Gale to manipulate his son. Which, yeah Gale not being able to say no to his mom has contributed greatly to this and if Wyll knew what healthy boundaries looked like he probably wouldn't have put up with it but he doesn't so here we are.

Let these two be the Tom and Jerry style B plot to BG4 is what I'm saying.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll #ulder ravengard #morena dekarios #gale x wyll #I don't know their ship name #I only ship it for the family drama #Astarion can also fill this role as Wyll's SO but this is funnier to me #bladeweave #thank you dromaeocore for telling me!

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

#zhong chenle #chenle #nct #nct dream #nct u #chenle nct #chenle nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream drabbles #nct dream scenarios #chenle imagines #chenle scenarios #nct x reader #nct x male reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream x male reader #zhong chenle x reader #zhong chenle x male reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

[queer-ragnelle]

Excalibur (1981) | Directed by John Boorman

Arthurian Film List | Arthurian Show List | Movie review below the cut ⤦

Star rating: 10/10 Content warning: multiple rape scenes, heavy gore throughout, elements of horror, nudity, animal brutality (horses in battle are treated roughly) Overview: Writer and director John Boorman understood the assignment. It's evident this film was a passion project. Both of his children are in it (his daughter as Igraine, his son as young Mordred) and he had been working with J. R. R. Tolkien back in the 70s on an adaptation of Lord of the Rings which fell through, and much of those elements were revived and put to use here. The script, acting, score, and cinematography meet the epic demands an Arthurian film requires to succeed. Synopsis: The film opens with Uther before he meets Igraine and goes on to detail the entirety of Arthur's reign and life. Arthur's beginnings with Ector and Kay are very sweet and culminate in his pulling the sword in the stone and meeting a fun, quirky Merlin. The wizard trains Arthur up and he's eventually knighted by Urien and makes an ally of him while defending Leodegrance and Guinevere's castle. Arthur falls in love with Guinevere and intends to marry her, but first meets and battles Lancelot, wins his loyalty, and sends him to pick Guinevere up for the royal wedding. Meanwhile Morgan learns magic from Merlin and uses it to conceive Mordred with Arthur. After the royal wedding, the love affair between Lancelot and Guinevere begins. While staying away from Camelot, Lancelot meets country bumpkin Perceval, who follows Lancelot back to Camelot from his secluded woodland home, then takes up the mantle of Gareth Beaumains by working for Kay in the kitchens and champions Guinevere against Gawain until Lancelot can arrive. After the affair between he and Guinevere is found out, Lancelot runs off mad into the woods, and Arthur's prosperity declines. Perceval begins a decade-long quest in search of the Holy Grail to restore Arthur/Fisher King's health so he can reclaim his lands now ravaged by disease. Mordred has grown up in this time and been taught by Morgan to hate Arthur. Once Arthur has been cured, he goes to find Guinevere in the abbey where she had been living, and retrieves Excalibur, which she had been keeping safe for him all that time. Arthur then goes with his remaining knights to battle Mordred, where he is mortally wounded, and Perceval fulfills his final act for his king by returning the sword to the Lady of the Lake as Arthur is spirited away to Avalon. Final thoughts: This movie is so damn good. Nobody's doing it like Boorman. It's my favorite version of the grail quest. Very horror, as it should be. (Monty Python is a different tone, not a worse one!) I love everyone's acting here, the casting is so rich, I love the look and vibe of everyone, the Shakespearean line delivery. All of it. The gaudy green lighting is so 80s but it works, it sets a tone, it commits to the bit, illuminates every magical scene. And the armor is obviously incredible. I won't hear criticism. Either you get it or you don't. You can watch an entire mini-series about the armorer, Terry English, produced by Mythbuster's Adam Savage on YouTube, here. And if you want to learn more about Mordred's cool helmet specifically, watch here. Anyway please watch this, you won't be disappointed.

#arthurian legend #arthurian legends #arthuriana #excalibur #excalibur 1981 #excalibur (1981) #john boorman #king arthur #queen guinevere #sir lancelot #sir perceval #sir percival #morgan le fay #sir mordred #movie review #film review #gifset #gifs #animated gifs #animated gif #quotes #gifs i made #my post

[hidden-snow]

This was an old request I'd gotten on my old account. I don't remember the requester, though.

ꨄ︎ Love's A Disease ꨄ︎

Warnings // Angst, reader almost dies, reader just has a simple case of Hanahaki Disease

Word count // 1,926

Dictionary: Hufwe / air instrument

"You made flowers grow in my lungs and, although they are beautiful, I cannot breathe." ~ Author Unknown

He’d always been the center of your attention, the reflection in your mirror, the reason to keep going. Your crush was major, filling your heart and soul with life every time you looked at him. And yet, it’d always been rejected, unreciprocated, unappreciated.

As a child, you’d grown up fascinated in the world of the sky people, following the scientists around all day before returning home to your family and people. Seeing your curiosity of the world they knew, Norm had taken it upon himself to teach you to read. And you took off, learning to read at a fast pace.

One particular subject had caught your eye, though. Something that described what was happening between you and Neteyam. The Hanahaki disease, caused by one-sided love, where the poor, lovesick victim begins to cough up flower petals from their lungs until they die. The only way they survived was either if their love was returned or the flowers were removed from their lungs. And if that happened, the love for that person would be removed permanently as well.

Even as your obsession over this subject grew, Norm and Max often told you that this disease was fictional, something that many people had been obsessed with when it came to writing. It was purely used to twist the reader’s emotions like a knife to the chest, a subject that would never come true.

Sometimes, you could swear you felt the flowers growing in your lungs, clogging up the space meant for oxygen. Hidden in the privacy of your home, you’d find yourself hunched over, coughing as small bioluminescent petals fluttered into your cupped palms, tainted with traces of scarlet red liquid.

It was hard to believe this disease was fictional when you stared down at these petals that had emerged from your throat in your attempts to clear it. When your parents or friends questioned you, you’d hide the petals, claiming to have just found them while walking through the forest and that you thought they were pretty.

When Jake first caught you coughing up these pretty petals, he’d immediately raised an eyebrow at your nervous excuses, unconvinced by the pretty little lies that tumbled from your lips, upturned in a sweet, innocent smile.

He watched you closely when you were around him, as if he were some kind of detective on a mission to find out where the petals truly came from. Little did he know that his eldest son was the cause of the petals randomly appearing in your hands, overfilling your cupped blue fingers until they fluttered to the ground around your feet.

As time went on, your condition only worsened, yet you were unable to find a way to solve this problem yourself. You wanted the growing flowers in your lungs to be removed, but not in a way that would cause you to lose the reason for your whole existence; your love for Neteyam.

In the mornings and evenings, you’d find yourself choking on whole flowers, watching as the bright blue rose-shaped blossoms tumbled from your mouth to your hands. If they weren’t plastered with your blood, they’d almost be pretty in a way, glowing blue that faded into a purple at the base of the petals, bright white dots speckling each petal.

Beautiful and deadly. That was the perfect description of the Hanahaki disease and your case was no different.

You didn’t understand why he treated you the way he did. You were loved by his family, his people, even his friends. With your spunky, sweet personality, mixed in with a surprisingly twist of stubbornness, you were a perfect match for him. Your mother often commented about how good of a couple you’d both be.

Not that she needed to point that out to you. You already knew it yourself.

And yet, anytime you’d ask him to hang out or spend time with you, he’d pass, using the excuse of training with his father to inherit the title of olo’eyktan one day. Then he’d stroll away, as if he already led the entire clan, head high and back straight. He’d never look back, even when you were coughing up the flowers, choking on your own love for him.

You didn’t know what you did wrong to make him dislike you so much.

Why did he avoid you as if you had some catchable disease.

You often thought he was stupid if he thought that he was keeping himself safe if he kept his distance. Hanahaki wasn’t infectious, after all.

Still you tried to catch his attention in anything you did, hoping for a glance your way, maybe even a smile or nod of approval at whatever it was you were doing.

Many nights, during clan meals, you’d volunteer to dance for the clan, something you’d mastered as a child, and your eyes were always on him. Yet, as you moved graceful to the beating of the drums and the occasional whistling of the hufwe, his gaze was pointed to someone else, anyone else, but you.

You were nonexistent to him and it was killing you.

Literally.

“Come on, Neteyam! Just one second of your time!”

You were getting pretty fed up with the way he seemed to be avoiding you when all you wanted to do was spend time with him like you’d done when you were both children.

Neteyam turned slowly, ears pinned in frustration, and he moved back towards you in that eye-catching swaying stride that only belonged to him. You couldn’t help but back away, practically feeling the waves of anger radiating from his body. He followed after you and you found yourself backed into a corner, your spine brushing against the rough bark of a tree behind you.

His hands slammed down on either side of your head as he leaned in, his golden amber gaze meeting your own, a trace of annoyance and disgust lacing those gold orbs.

“Why can’t you ever get a hint, Y/n? I know you’re just trying to pull some stupid prank on me. You and Lo’ak always think it’s so funny to play around with people’s feelings. I don’t want to be involved in it. So find someone else to follow around like a lovesick nantang pup!”

He straightened his back, giving you one last look over, and you could’ve sworn you saw the faintest softening of his gaze before it was returned to a strict, cold expression.

“Eywa, women are so fickle. It’s as if you’ve never known how to get a clue,” he sniffed over his shoulder before continuing on his way through the clan common ground towards his family.

You watch him leave, hot tears spilling over your pale cheeks, following the creases of your lips to drip off your chin. And with the tears came the pestering petals that always seemed to show up after he blew you off.

You could tell your little disease was getting worse, blowing up to a proportion so big that you didn’t know how to solve it. Neteyam wanted nothing to do with you. He’d made it very clear that he didn’t want you.

So why did he come rushing to your sickbed when he heard of your diagnosis?

Laying on a mat, too weak to move, you choked on the flower petals that clogged your throat, bloody little flowers flowing past your lips. Norm sat beside you, helping to clear them out as quickly as he could, apologies falling from his mouth as he desperately tried to figure out why this was happening. He knew what it was. So did Max. And Jake…

You couldn’t meet his worried, disappointed gaze. If only you’d found help sooner.

It was obvious that he knew. He understood exactly what your condition was when Norm murmured that dreadful name.

“What is it? What is wrong with her?”

Neteyam was pushing forward, shoving past the gathered people to sit by your side, witnessing with horror as you are struck with another coughing fit. The flowers were starting to get bigger and you were terrified. Terrified that, with each coughing fit, it’d be your last breath.

Your last chance to tell Neteyam just how you felt about him.

His hand slipped into your own, his palm warm and calloused, polar opposite from your soft, yet cold hand. He was on his knees, clutching your hand to his chest as if this was the last time he’d ever see you again.

As if he truly cared about you and your health.

“Hanahaki Disease,” Jake breathed out, moving to sit behind and slightly to the side of his eldest son.

“What is that? Is there a cure?”

The man you’d always seen as a father figure seemed to hesitate then, uncertainty overshadowing his golden gaze.

“It’s… kind of like a love sickness. We always thought it was fake, though. After all, the only cases ever known were always in fictional books.”

Neteyam scoffed, turning to look at his father, mouth open to try and dispute how ridiculous his father sounded. You were dying from a made up disease? How stupid did he think his son was?

But as he stared into his father’s eyes, words withered away like a dying plant, cut off by the despair that sat in those tired eyes.

“Dad, is there a cure?”

“It’s caused by one-sided love, Neteyam. The one who loves is the one affected. There is only one option. It’s too late for surgery. The one she loves needs to have feelings for her too.”

Neteyam turned back to you, clutching your hand tightly in between his.

“I need you to be honest, Y/n. Who is it? We need to know. Or you could die.”

You don’t know whether to laugh in his face or not. The irony of his words stung in your brain like thorns on a vine, not noticeable until it’s rubbed the wrong way.

Instead, you squeeze his hand back.

“You, skxawng. I love you.”

He’s taken aback by your words, doing a quick little double take. It’s as if he had never expected himself to become the target of your affection.

“Come again?”

His non-existent eyebrows are raised high on his forehead, mouth parted a couple inches as he watched you tug his hands towards your face. You brush your lips lightly over the calloused knuckles, trying to tell him that you weren’t joking or lying.

You loved him. So much so that you’d caught a disease for him. So much that you refused to have the flowers removed. You didn’t want to lose that love for him. You couldn’t do that to him.

“You love… me?”

His words are soft, hesitant, and you nod, which is more or less a flop of your head. You squeeze his hands lightly, staring up into his gaze.

“I can’t… I never thought you’d love me. I thought… I just thought you were playing with me. I…”

He looked away, as if just seeing you in this state hurt him. When he looked back, he was crying, tears following the crease of his cheeks to drip off his chin.

“I love you too, Y/n.”

What?

You couldn’t help but take a double take. All this time, you’d thought he’d despised you. That you’d been some kind of throw away person that he couldn’t care anything about.

“Say it again. Please? Say it again for me.”

He moved around a bit closer, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“I love you, Y/n. To the stars and back, I love you.”

#avatar fandom #atwow #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #avatar fics #avatar #neteyam sully #neteyam x reader #neteyam #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #neteyam angst #neteyam avatar #neteyam atwow #hanahaki disease

[smilesatdawnmain]

Hello ! I adore your LMK AU‘s and your writing style. The stories are so captivating and make me excited for the next chapter.

I wanted to ask what your favorite AUs are :) I know you have great taste and I would be grateful if you could share some LMK au/comic/fanfic recommendations with us :))))

Hello! Oh my gosh thank you so so much! That makes me so happy to hear ;-; Thank you!

I got a lot of favorites out there, let me tell you :3 Alright alright~

AU'S:

The King and his Cub By: @theweepingegg : This au is so cute and I love little MK with his Papa~ It's adorable and the humor just has me rolling! Plus the wholesome Father and Son moments + an uncle Macaque?? It's amazing! Literally just melts my heart with every new update.

Cursed Au By: @winterpower98: This Au consumed my life and continues to do so. The drama, the redemption, the growing bond between Wukong Macaque and MK?? I love it alll~ The whole universal set up of this growing Au is so full and wonderful.

Literally, ANY AU that is made by @journey-to-the-au ! This artist just- STEALS all of my attention. They got a lot of different Au's, and so many amazing ideas. There is action and romance and betrayal and platonic love that is so wholesome and sweet and AHHHHH. Taking a long tour through their entire tumblr page is 100% WORTH IT

Very similarly, anything by @rebeltigera! They also have so many different au's that are all AMAZING. Something about their style also- ahhhhh <3 It's so good. I definitely suggest taking a dive into their tumblr too. Their Macaque is honestly probably my favorite version of Macaque!

Forged Faith by @swagginmun Gosh the anxiety but also the pure adoration I have for this particular Au?? Definitely follows a more canon storyline but has one HECK OF A TWIST. The expressions that are done are amazing and I really really can't wait for this one to continue as its current chapter just ended on something INTENSE.

Fan Comics!

Eclipsed Apprentice by @journeytomonkiekid : I've been following this one for a while. I LOVE IT. There are so many talented people in the LMK community and this comic takes an interesting turn to the canon of LMK. Has some great Oc's and the storyline has me hooked! Lots of drama, and redemption, and so far the character growth is *Chef kiss*

Even Rainfall Has Shadows By @linklefr : Another fancomic that takes it's own path and turn from the LMK canon. Oc's are so cute and I just wanna squeeze them! It's really growing to be its own thing! It's got a lot of talk about self-worth and toxic habits and overall overcoming those that the characters need to grow from, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

FANFICS: (I have way too many. My gosh. And honestly if folks have more recommendations, please put them in the comments! Or if you have a story you wrote yourself I would love to read it!) I would mark their Tumblr creators if I knew them, but I don't know all of them ;-; So I'll put the link to the fanfic instead

SunBreak : First LMK fanfic I ever read. It is the rabbit hole that dropped me into loving Macaque and parent Macaque to be more precise~ Goes way off canon and I'm LOVING IT

There May be no such thing as eternity: Possed Wukong- I cannot explain how much possessed Wukong still reaching out to the Macaque and the gang just makes my brain flip~

A Garden Across Our Collar Bone: THIS. Ahhhh- Just bury me with this fanfic in my hand. MK X Red Son and ahhh- Also, ANYTHING this author (PittiedPeaches) writes is GOLD.

Of Blood and Bones: A big inspiration to me and their story is SO GOOD. The angst but also fluff that is slipped in? It's an amazingly sad but wonderful read. And I really love the world-building

Peach Blossoms: I'm a sucker for any Hanahaki disease kind of story and this is everything I wanted and more. This was soooo good and it flowed really well.

Love Team: Ooooh boy this story took me on a roller coaster ride. MY GOSH I never knew what to expect and it always had me on the edge of my seat~

Is this A Monkey-Thing or Dad-Thing?: Any Dad wukong focused fic will just catch my feet and trip me into the pit of the story. Every time. This one is so cute~

Kiss Your Knuckles: This oneshot is soo sooo good! And also horribly tragic. Gosh it just destroyed me! I definitely suggest it!

-Okay this thing is getting long and I'm not even close to saying all the fanfics and such I have read XD There are so many good fanfics out there my gosh. If you have more than you think are amazing please put them in the comments!

#lego monkie kid #lmk #shadowpeach #lmk mk #lmk shadowpeach #lmk wukong #lmk macaque #answer #lego monkie kid mk #lego monkie kid fanfic

[orionchildofhades]

steddie swapping soulmate au part 5

part 1 |[...]| part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | Ao3

---

when he wakes once more, Eddie is back in his body.

he knows because he is not hurting. and thats something.

he shift in his bed, enjoying the lack of aches and thinking over the previous day.

now that his mind is not as hazy, he tries to put the informations he learned in order. he wants to keep everything in, and make sure he understands his soulmate.

for a second he lets himself dream of waking up in his soulmates bed once more. but with his soulmate. with this person, his person, by his side. and it's stupid because they are fifteen, and Eddie is sixteen and they probably won't meet until much later when they both, hopefully, would have moved out.

he frowns. he didn't learn much though.

they can't see well, and they have a big bed in a big room in what is probably a big house.

and that's it.

I mean, they're also sick but that's only temporary, he adds, unless it's not? maybe they have, like, some disease?

he panicks for a second, not sure to be able to just leave their soulmate alone at home while suffering, everyday at every hour, without even company

he breath a little, reminding himself that both of them will be fine and that there is pretty much nothing he can do at the moment.

but it's okay. it's alright because he knows he has a soulmate know and he can carefully plan their wedding while acting cool and collected on the outside.

all thoughts are cut off when Wayne barges into his room, in very un-Wayne fashion.

"Patricia?" Eddie asks, trying to come back to earth from his little daydream

"What? No, son, why didn't you tell me you swapped? I just read over Patricia's note!"

"Patricia met my soulmate?" he jumped out of bed and almost fell over the pile of book that was not there the previous day. or the day before that perhaps.

"Yeah, and barely said nothing about them! she wrote, and I quote, 'it seems to me that Eddie has a very nice soulmate and I hope I'll can spend the day with them sometime again soon'" Wayne said before looking up from the paper he held in one hand.

Eddie on the other hand was walking to his own desk where he looked for a couple of books, which were now in the pile by his bed, before coming back and checking more titles. he could swear the last one was at the bottom of his laundry basket last time he checked. which had been a while, admittedly.

"I think Patricia and my soulmate cleaned my room..." he told Wayne with big eyes, full of both wonder, and terror.

seeing how clean and peaceful his other half's room had been, he couldn't muster the will to wonder about what his soulmate thought of him and the mess - organised mess!- of his bedroom.

with something akin to pity and understanding behind his eyes, Wayne nodded once, "that's tough kid, but at least they made cookies?" he said with a shrug before leaving the room

it's only once Eddie got back in his room, done with mopping about being shamed in his own space, and his belly filled with the delicious cookies Patricia had baked, that he saw the small note on his bedside table.

he was thinking over the fact that his soulmate had cooked him something, relishing in the addition of the sweet taste of cinnamon in the usual recipe, before he made a go for the furniture and took with careful hands, almost worshipping, the tiny piece of paper.

sorry you had to go through my flu, I didn't touch under your bed (that's personal), I enjoyed spending the day with your aunt(?), until next time ;)

Eddie lets a squeal escape his lips before falling, swooning really, on his bed, clutching the thin layer of matter witholding so many of his emotions.

he couldn't wait to meet them, he only whishes he had a name to put on them

#patricia and steve making cookies together #wayne feels for eddie because he himself went through the same thing with Patricia #but she left a lengthy note for him after shifting the first time about how she'd keep cleaning even if he didn't #as the writer #i can tell you #Patricia needs to clean everything #her truck is the cleanest motherfucker on the road #she smells nice #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson #eddie x steve #orionwritesthingies

[kinokoshoujoart]

scribbled down a relationship chart for the forgotten valley bros to collect my thoughts after snooping into their dialogue files, because i’m crazy over the barebones scraps of tiny interactions between them that we are given they’re a neat group of lads and i want to see them in lots of wacky situations together

rambling explanation and screenshots under the cut. spoilers for dialogue

gordy and gustafa are bffs and i love them!!!!!

they have mutual respect for each other… gustafa clearly admires and understands gordy’s art, and gordy seems to view gustafa as his closest confidant, he even gets you and Gustafa the new kitchen if you enter chapter 2 without being able to “afford” it yourself

they only really mention each other and don’t have anything to say about the other two boys

no one has anything bad to say about gustafa, which is exactly how it should be. blessed bard. it’s extra sweet to me that he’s the most well-liked bachelor both in and out of the game given one of the npc gossip lines your son can tell you— he grew up without many friends (in the original game the secret was that he was bullied). he deserves all the happiness in the world

matt opinions

matt shares his Opinions (slander) on gordy and rock specifically if you show him your kid with them, but has no slander for gustafa… his line for gustafa is instead just copied from what he says about the bachelorettes’ kids. so i count that as a gustafa win

i had to stretch to find any mention of gustafa by matt, the closest thing is that he comments that he doesn’t usually go to the starlight concert

i want gustafa and matt to interact!!! i want gustafa to give matt a tomato when he’s being gruff like he did with nami (matt: “th-thank you…..*blush* i already have ten billion of these”) matt also has lines about farm work being easier when you’ve got music accompanying you if you show him a record so i’ll count that as a very flimsy positive connection (matt IS friendly with gavin, due to frequenting the bluebird café, but is a bit reticent to make friends on his own)

rock opinions and social diseases

rock is extremely excited about hearing gustafa play music and calls him a wizard at the guitar and says he never gets tired of hearing him play. he also likes wandering over to gustafa’s yurt and listening to his music along with tei on market days (his most normal bachelor to bachelor interaction)

the only guy who gets no positive comment from rock is matt, instead rock goes to town roasting him in his fourth heart event out of envy for a completely imaginary situation and argues that he’s worth a hundred matthew’s (source?). he also likes to go into the already crowded farmhouse at night on market days and make it even more cramped, but he usually leaves right before matt gets home

finally rock has what i can only describe as a really odd one-sided crush on gordy!! he meanders into gordy’s trailer at 12:45 AM (AM) every market day and loudly, obliviously asks why there’s so much “trash” everywhere (you’re the trash, rock!!!!!!). thankfully rock is quite literally beneath gordy’s notice, however this seems to make rock sad and he tries to come up with wacky stunts to get gordy’s attention like drawing on gordy’s face and… holding his breath? (maybe, i dunno WHERE that dialogue triggers). he has a line celebrating gordy finally noticing him, i’m not sure what causes it though (for his part, gordy has no lines referencing rock)

finally, if you show rock your kid he will tease them by bragging that he was waaaay cuter at their age… but ONLY if it’s a bachelor’s child. rock your complex is so obvious that it’s more of a simple

in summary,

rock seems to think highly of each of the guys (except matt), unfortunately this manifests in him making really odd attempts to barge into their houses at strange hours and by trying to assert dominance in annoying ways. thankfully no one really notices anything he does (except matt)

matt doesn’t generally say nice things about anyone except cecilia (which makes the nice things he says, like about nina, more meaningful…) so unsurprisingly he has nothing nice to say about any of the guys, but he doesn’t have anything negative to say about gustafa. however he seems to want friends to do stuff with (he complains about how no one in the valley wants to go swimming…..hhhgg i am desperate to force rock and matt to spend time together. a friendship where you can’t stand each other but you’re the only two people who enjoy doing the same hobby so you put your differences aside and splash around in the water) like with rock no one really seems aware of matt’s existence except rock who is Extrwmely Aware to the point of knowing about matt’s crush on ceci, but unlike rock matt is not exactly jumping at the chance to go socialize with others

gustafa and gordy are friends with each other (and also both are friends with nami) and they support each others ambitions. i have no source but i’m confident that when gustafa visits gordy he’s also bringing him water and soup (he also visits daryl so i think it’s cool and fun if gustafa drops in on the local lost-in-thought creative hermits with hydration reminders and care packages)

#i really love all 4 of these boys i. i clearly have a babygirl but i am not immune to any of them #and each guy is not just standing out from the other 3 but also wildly different from all other bkmn men #the magic ingredient called ‘not designed to be a marriage candidate’ is the secret spice that makes me want to marry bkmn men #also this is why my husband needs to be set loose. please go outside and cause havoc honey you haven’t stepped off the farm since we wed #sos awl #bokumono #will probably make doodles based on some of the dialogue lines #gustafa (awl) #story of seasons #harvest moon a wonderful life #rock (awl) #story of seasons a wonderful life #gordy (awl) #matthew (awl) #sos awl spoilers #sos: awl #extremely sane posting hours #rock tumbling (sos)

[ariel-seagull-wings]

BLESSING OR PROPERTY?

@softlytowardthesun @themousefromfantasyland @professorlehnsherr-almashy @amalthea9 @thealmightyemprex @grimoireoffolkloreandfairytales @natache @tamisdava2 @hamlet-macbeth-othello @princesssarisa @the-blue-fairie @faintingheroine

(A Swahili folktale from Kenya and Tanzania)

There was a man and his wife, and they prayed to God to get a child ; and they got first a son and next a daughter.

And their father's employment was to cut up firewood. And they remained till the children were grown up. And their father was seized by disease. 

And he called his children, and asked them, "Will you have a blessing or property ?" And the son said, "I will have property."

And the daughter said, " I will have a blessing." 

And her father gave her much blessing. And her father died. And they kept mourning, and when they arose their mother fell sick ; and she called her children and said to them, "Will you have a blessing or property" and the son said, "I will have property." 

And the daughter said, "I will have a blessing." And her mother gave her a blessing.

And their mother died. And they kept their mourning, and when they arose the seventh day came. 

And the son went and told the woman, his sister, "Put out all my father's and mother 's things." 

And the woman put them out, without his leaving her anything. And he took them all away. 

And people said to him, "Will you not leave even any little thing for this your sister?" 

And he said, "I shall not. I asked for the property, and she asked for a blessing."

And he left her a cooking pot, and a mortar for cleaning corn ; he did not leave her even a little food. Her neighbors used to come and borrow the mortar, and clean their corn, and then they gave her a little grain, and she cooked and ate it. And others used to come and borrow her cooking pots, and cook with them, and then they gave her too a little food. And this was every day her employment.

And she searched about in her father and mother's house, without finding anything except a pumpkin seed. 

And she took it and went and ventured under the well.  And a plant sprung up, and bore many pumpkins.

Her brother had no news of her, and he asked people,

"Where does my sister get food?" 

And they told him,

"People borrow her mortar, and they clean their corn, and give her too a little food ; and people borrow her cooking pots, and cook with them, and give her too a little food." 

And her brother arose and went and robbed her of the mortar and cooking pots. And then she awoke in the morning and sought for food, and could not get it. 

And she stayed till nine o'clock, and said, "I will go and look at my pumpkin, whether it has grown." 

And she went, and saw that many pumpkins had come. And she was comforted. And she gathered the pumpkins, and went and sold them, and got food. And this was her employment every day, to gather and go and sell. 

And when the third day came, everyone who ate those pumpkins found them

exceedingly sweet. And everybody used to take grain and go to her place and buy. And many days passed, and she got property.

Her brother's wife heard that news, and sent her slave with grain to go and buy a pumpkin. And the slave said, "They are finished." And when she knew it was her

brother's wife's slave, she told him, "Take this one, and take back your grain." And she went and cooked it, and found it very sweet. The next day she sent someone again. And she said, "There are none at all to-day."

And he went and told his mistress, and she was exceedingly vexed. When her husband came and asked her, "What is the matter with you, my wife?” 

She told him, "I sent some one to your sister with my grain, to go and ask for pumpkins. She did not send them, and told me, ' There are none ;' and other people all buy of her." 

And he said to his wife, “Let us sleep till tomorrow. I will go and pull up her pumpkin plant.”

When the morning dawned, he went to his sister and said to her, "When my wife sent grain, you refused to sell her a pumpkin." 

And she said, " They are finished ; the day before yesterday she sent someone, and I gave to him for nothing." 

And he said, "Why are you selling to other people ?" 

And she said, "They are finished, there are no more, they have not yet come." 

And her brother said to her, "I shall go and cut up your pumpkin." 

And she said, "You dare not, unless indeed you cut my hand off first ; then you may cut up the pumpkin." 

And her brother took hold of her right hand and cut it off, and went and cut up her pumpkin plant, every bit of it. The woman set on hot water, and put in her arm, and put medicine also, and bound on a cloth. And he took away everything from her, and put her out of the house. And his sister wandered about in the forest, and this her brother sold the house, and gathered much property, and remained spending it.

And she wandered in the forest, till on the seventh day she came out to another town. 

And she climbed up into a great tree, and ate the fruit of the tree, and in the morning she slei:it there in the tree. On the next day the son of the king came out shooting birds, he and his people. 

About twelve o'clock he was tired, and said, "I will go there by the tree, so that I may rest, and you shoot birds." 

And he sat under the tree, he and his slave. And the young woman cried till her tears fell upon the king's son below. 

And he said to his slave, "Look outside ; is it not raining ?" 

And he said, "It is not, master." 

And he said, "Then climb up into the tree, and look what bird is casting its droppings upon me." 

And his slave climbed up, and he saw an exceedingly beautiful woman crying, and without saying a word, he got down. And he told his master, "There is a most beautiful young woman. I did not venture to say a word to her." 

And his master asked him, "Why ?" 

And he said, '' I found her crying ; perhaps you should go yourself." 

And his master climbed up, and went and saw her, and said to her, "What is the matter with you, my mistress '? Are you a person or a spirit?" 

And she said, "I am a person,"

And he said, " What are you crying about ?" 

And she said, "I am thinking of things ; I am a person as you are." 

And he said, "Come down to me and let us go to our home." 

And she said to him, "Where is your home ?" 

And he said, "With my father and mother : I am a king's son." 

And she said, "What did you come to do here ?" 

And he said, "I come to shoot birds, month by month ; this is our employment. I came with my companions." 

And she said, "I do not like to be seen by anybody." 

And he said, "We shall not be seen by any one." 

And she came down. And he sent his slave, "Go into the town quickly, and bring me a masheela.” And his slave went at once and returned with a masheela and four people, and they carried him. And he put the woman into it, and told his slave, "Fire a gun, that all the company may know." 

And he fired a gun, and his companions came, and they said to him, “What is the matter with you, son of the king ?" 

And he said, "I am cold, and I want to go my way into the town." 

And they carried the game they had got, and went away. And the king's son had got into the masheela, he and that young woman. And his companions knew nothing of it. And they went to their city, and reached his house. 

And he said to a man, "Go and tell my mother and father, I have fever today, I want gruel quickly ; let them send it to me." 

And his mother and father were troubled, and gruel was cooked for him, and sent to him. And his father went with his viziers and went to see him. And at night his mother went with her people to see him. 

The next day he went out, and went and told his mother and father, "I have picked up a young woman, I want you to marry me to her, but she has lost one hand ?" 

And they said, "Why ?" 

And he said, " I wish it just as it is." 

And the Sultan loved his only son much, and he made a wedding and married him to the young woman. 

And the people in the town heard, "The Sultan's son has married a young woman, she has lost one hand." 

And they remained until his wife became pregnant, and bore a son, and his parents rejoiced exceedingly.

And the Sultan's son went on a journey, and went to travel about in the towns of his father. 

There behind her brother came out ; he had nothing to spend, and was going begging.  Till one day he heard people conversing, "The Sultan's son has married a woman who lost one hand." 

And her brother asked, "Where did he get the girl, this child of the Sultan ?" 

And they told him, "He picked her up in the forest." 

And he knew she was his sister. 

And he went to the king. And he went and said, "Your child has married a woman who has lost a hand. She was put out of their town because she was a witch; every husband who marries her, she kills." 

And the king went and told his wife, and they said, "What plan can we act on ?" And they loved much their only child, and they said, "Let us put her out of the town."

 And her brother said to them, "Kill her, for there at home she had her hand cut off, and here kill her." 

And they said, "We cannot kill her, we will put her out of the town." 

And they went and put her out of the town, her and her son. And she was comforted. 

And she went out, and carried a little earthen pot, and went her way into the forest ; she knew not where she was going or whence she came.

 And she sat down, and showed her child, and casting her eyes, she saw a snake come fast towards her, and she said, "Today I am dead." 

And the snake said to her, "Child of Adam, open your earthen pot that I may go in. Save me from the sun, and I will save you from rain." 

And she opened the pot, and it went in, and she covered it. And she looked and saw another snake coming fast, and it said to her, “Has not my companion passed ?" 

And she said, "It is going."

And it passed quickly.

The snake which was in the pot said to her, "Uncover me." 

And she uncovered it, and it was comforted, and said to that child of Adam, "Where are you going ?" 

And she said, "I know not where I am going, I am wandering in the woods." 

And the snake said to her, "Follow me, and let us go home." 

And they went together till on the road they saw a great lake. And the snake said to her, "Child of Adam, let us sit and rest, the sun is fierce ; go and bathe in the lake with your child." 

And she carried her boy, and went to wash him, and he fell in and she lost him in the lake. And it asked her, "What is the matter with you there, child of Adam?" 

And she said, "My child is lost in the water." 

And it said, " Look for him well." 

And she sought for him for a whole hour without finding him. 

And it said, "Put in the other hand." 

And she said, "You snake are making a game of me." 

And it asked "How?" 

And she said, "I have put in this sound one, and I have not found him ; what is the use of this spoilt one?"

And the snake said to her, "Only you put in both." 

And the child of Adam put them in, and went and found her son and laid hold of him, and drew out her hand sound again. 

And it said, "Have you found him ?" 

And she said, "I have found him, and have got my hand sound again." 

And she

rejoiced much.

And the snake said, "Now let us go away to my elders, and let me repay your kindness." 

And she said, "This is enough, getting my hand." 

And it said, "Not yet ; let us go to my elders." 

And they waited till they arrived, and they rejoiced much, and loved that young woman. And she remained, eating and drinking many days.

And her husband returned from his journey. And his elders had caused two tombs to be made, one of his wife and one of his child. And her brother had become a great man with the king.

And her husband, the king's son, came. And he asked, "Where is my wife?" 

And they said to him, "She is dead." 

"And where is my child ?" 

And they answered him, "He is dead." 

And he asked, "Where are their graves ?" 

And they took him to go and see them. And when he saw them he wept much. And he made a mourning. And he was comforted. 

Many days had passed. And the young woman in the forest said to her friend the snake, "I want to go away home." 

And it said, "Take leave of my mother and father. When they give you leave to go, if they give you a present, accept only the father's ring and the mother's casket." 

And she went and took leave of them, and they gave her much wealth, and she refused and said, "I, one person, how shall I carry this wealth ?" 

And they said, "What will you have ?" 

And she said, "You, father, I want your ring ; and you, mother, I want your casket." 

And they were very sorry, and asked her, "Who told you about this ?" 

And she said, "I know it myself." 

And they said, "Not so ; it is this your brother who told you."

And he took the ring and gave it to her, and said to her, "I give you this ring. If you want food, if you want clothes, if you want a house for sleeping, tell the ring ; it will produce it for you by the blessing of God and of me your father." 

And her mother gave her the casket, and told her such and such things. And they gave her their blessing.

And she went out and went away, till there by the town of her husband, without reaching her husband's house. When she reached the outskirts, she told the ring, "I want you to produce for me a great house." 

And it produced a house, and the furniture of the house and slaves. And she stayed, she and her son. And her son had become a great lad. 

And the king got news of there being a large house in the outskirts, and he sent people to go and look, and they answered him, "It is true." 

And the sultan arose with his viziers and his son. And they went and drew near, and the woman looked through a telescope and saw her husband, and her husband's father, and many people, and her brother among them. 

And she told the people, "Prepare food quickly."

And they prepared, and laid the table. And they arrived and were invited in, and went inside, and they asked her the news. 

And she said, "Good." 

And she said to them, “Eat of the food. I come from a distance ; when you have done with the food let me give you my news." 

And they ate the food, till when they had finished she told them, from the beginning when she was born, she and her brother, till all were finished, as they had been. 

And the king's son went to embrace his wife, and they wept much, and all who were there wept, and they said her brother was not good. And the king asked her, "What shall we do to your brother ?" 

And she said, "Only put him out of the town." 

And she dwelt with her husband till the end in joy.

#swahili #fairy tales #folktales #folklore #fantasy #literature #kenya #tanzania #the one handed girl

[beanghostprincess]

Okay, let's just assume that yasopp's I can't face my child after all these years disease was cured and he has already established a relationship with his child pre transition

the red hair pirates meet up for some random arc yasopp is with Zoro and Luffy. ( just sounded more interesting to me, a gunman and a swordman fighting together) in the middle of their fight he casually asked about his kid and how they're doing. Luffy being Luffy having no filter and is happy for his friends transition was prepared to tell him. Zoro swiftly stopped him. Explaining that they're not sure if he knows about usopp's identity yet and they should play it cool

They just tell him that they're doing fine. They made a new weapon for her-themself. They're more of a botanist now which is cool. Nothing new or interesting so you can shut the hell up now.

Usopp, Shanks and Sanji are fighting together. Shanks acknowledges her transition and compliments her appearance. Sanji being sanji takes that as flirting (in his defense she was wearing short shorts and tube top. This was supposed to be an off day for the straw hats they didn't prepare to run into shanks and his crew) and starts a fight in the middle of a fight. Shanks of course meant she looked happier and more confident.

No longer that awkward shaky little kid she used to be. He's proud that she grew up to be a fine pirate like her dad. Also he used to change her diapers and take her to the park she's like a niece to him. He took Sanji's punch to the head and corrected himself. Usopp was too nervous to say anything if shanks was here most definitely her dad was here too

After the chaos was all over they every one met up together to celebrate. Except for usopp she went up to her room to hide. She saw her dad with a very shocked expression on his face looking at her. She couldn't face him, she wasn't ready. Hiding she heard multiple foot steps coming up the steps. She could hear Luffy's voice, Nami shanks and her Dad's. yasopp scolded all three of them for acting weird before slamming the door on them. "What?! can't a man talk to his daughter?"

She couldn't believe he already knew about her. How did he know? Yasopp sat down next to her and said nothing. The room was thick with tension both waiting for someone to say something. "How did you know?" She asked, trying not to cry but was already crying. "I'm your dad I knew before you knew! (He also saw her bounty before anyone else) Why are you dressed like that?" She continues to cry but out of relief (and lingering anxiety) yasopp wrapped around her and reassured her she's his child first doesn't matter if it's son or daughter.

After some daddy daughter bonding he pulled her back to the party after arguing over her outfit. She's a pirate she wears whatever she wants! fuck modesty! She introduced him to sanji as her boyfriend he hates him but she's happy so he can't complain.

While everyone was partying they had another quiet moment. She really wants to know how he knew already. Yasopp brings up her using bugs and sticks as dolls, you wanted to be so much like mommy, wanted to look like her. You used to put your hair in pigtails. All of your stuffed animals had girl names etc etc.

Yasopp: "your mother thought you were going to be gay. Something told me it was deeper so I just kept an open mind"

Usopp: "you think mom would be ok with this?"

Yasopp: "Sweetie she would have been your biggest cheerleader"

AWWWWWWWWWWW This was so sweet <33 I always love Yasopp and Usopp bonding after all these years, and seeing Usopp more confident and happier with herself makes me so happy too <3

#my wife my girlfriend #usopp #yasopp #one piece #transfem usopp

[traumacatholic]

hi, i'd like to ask a prayer for a friend who struggles a lot mentally and has a strained relationship with her family. thank you

Of course, may God bless her and comfort her. And may He bring forth peace and healing in her family relationships.

I have attached under the readmore some prayers that you might find beneficial.

Prayers for Someone that is Sick

Let us pray to the Lord.

Lord have mercy.

O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our sister (Name), who is sick. Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get her up from her bed, and cure her of her illness. Put away from her the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which she is bound; and if she has sins and transgressions, grant to her remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind; yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

--

Let us pray to the Lord.

Lord have mercy.

O Lord our God, Who by word alone did heal all diseases, Who did cure the kinswoman of Peter, You Who chastise with pity and heal according to Your goodness; Who are able to put aside every malady and infirmity, do You Yourself, the same Lord, grant aid to this Your servant (Name) and cure her of every sickness of which she is grieved; lift her up from her bed of pain, and send down upon her Your great mercy, and if it be Your Will, give to her health and a complete recovery; for You are the Physician of our souls and bodies, and to You do we send up Glory: to Father, and to Son, and to Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

For Someone Else in Time of Need

O God, our help in time of need, Who are just and merciful, and Who inclines to the supplications of His people. Look down upon ____________and have mercy on them and deliver them from the trouble that now besets them. Deal with ____________ not according to their iniquities, but according to Your manifold mercies, for we are the works of Your hands, and You know our weaknesses. I pray to you to grant ____________ Your divine helping grace, and endow them with patience and strength to endure their hardships with complete submission to Your Will.

Only You know our misery and sufferings, and to You, our only hope and refuge, we flee for relief and comfort, trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver ____________ from this trouble, and turn their distress into comfort. We then shall rejoice in Your mercy, and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen.

Prayer for the Intercession of Saint Anastasia the Greatmartyr

O holy saint Anastasia, healer and minister to captives, who did suffer greatly as a martyr while relieving the suffering of the poor and the sick, pray for us who are ill in soul and in body. Relieve us by your intercessions from the illnesses of our minds, from all evil temptation that seeks to disturb us, and from the suffering of our many afflictions. We ask these things boldly of you as you boldly approach the throne of our Lord Jesus Christ who alone is the Healer and Lover of Mankind. Amen.

Prayers for the Intercession of Saint Dymphna

O holy-martyr Dymphna, thou who didst imbibe of the saving doctrines of the Christian Faith at thy pious mother's breast, and flourished amid thorns like a beauteous lily: perfume us who run to thee with the sweet fragrance of reverence. Heeding the great apostle who dost thus admonish the faithful – “Ye are the temple of the living God Wherefore, be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” – thou didst flee headlong from thy heathen father, desiring to escape the most vile profanation of the temple of thy body; teach us, O venerable martyr, to hearken also unto the Apostle’s commandments that we might flee from all unbelieving thoughts and evil suggestions.

Through many ages, pious Christians have journeyed from afar, to venerate thy precious relics, O holy virgin, for like an ever-flowing fountain thy tomb is a source of countless miracles. Wherefore, Gheel rejoiceth, as the place where thou didst lay down thy life for Christ; and all Flanders is filled with gladness, having thee as its glorious protectress. But we beg thee, blessed Dymphna, that through thy unceasing holy prayers the Lord send beams of grace upon us and all the faithful throughout the world. May all of us who suffer the darkening and delusion of mind find in thee a steadfast advocate and a wellspring of wondrous healing. Wherefore, thus healed, may we with a clear mind give glory, worship and honour to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

--

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in [name's] present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.

(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

--

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

Lord Jesus Christ, You have willed that St. Dymphna should be invoked by thousands of clients as the patroness of nervous and mental disease, and have brought it about that her interest in these patients should be an inspiration to and an ideal of charity throughout the world.

Grant that through the prayers of this youthful martyr of purity, those who suffer from nervous and mental illness everywhere on earth may be helped and consoled.

I recommend to You in particular (Here mention those you wish to pray for).

Be pleased to hear the prayers of St. Dymphna and of your Blessed Mother

Help of the sick and Comforter of the afflicted, on behalf of those whom I recommend to the love and compassion of Your Sacred Heart.

Give them patience to bear with their affliction and resignation to do Your divine will.

Give them the consolation they need and especially the cure they so much desire, if it be Your will.

May we all serve Your suffering members with a charity which may merit for us the reward of being united forever in Heaven with You, our Divine Head, who lives and reigns with the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit forever.

Amen.

I turn to you, dear virgin and martyr, confident of your power with God and of your willingness to take her cause into your hands.

As patroness of the nervous and emotionally distressed, I firmly hope that through your kind intercession He will restore her lost serenity. Please gain for her the grace that He may expel from her soul the evil spirt of depression, hatred, fear and any other negative forces that may dwell within. May He speak to her heart and reassure her: “My peace I give you. Let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid.”

Pray for me, dear St. Dymphna, that her nervous and emotional turmoil may cease, and that she may again know serenity and personal peace. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

--

Prayer for Families Experiencing Difficulties

[This is taken from a Novena, you might find that praying the Novena to be of benefit]

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 

Amen.

Dear Lord, we thank You and praise You for the many ways You have blessed us in our lives. We humbly ask You to pour out Your grace and assistance on all families struggling with difficulties.

In the midst of suffering and trials, it is not always easy to be strong and to persevere. Families who are struggling with difficulties are in great need of perseverance as they seek healing and all they need for a healthy family life.

Please give all families who are struggling with difficulty the assistance they need, and we particularly ask today that You help all families struggling with difficulty to grow in perseverance.

Help us to grow in every virtue we need for holiness. Give us the grace to dedicate our whole lives to You, even when we are suffering. 

And we especially ask in this prayer for (mention your intentions here).

Lord, hear our prayers!

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 

Amen.

#prayer request #prayer req #prayer

[vsxthena]

── ❛ 𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 ❜

Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan x Fem! Omatikaya! Reader

IN WHICH, you are unsure if you are worthy to be Tsahìk.

genre ཿ⠀ fem! reader, friends to lovers (?) to strangers, angst

warning(s) ཿ⠀ descriptions of suicidal thoughts and eating disorders, feelings of depression, anxiety, and insecurity

All my life I have been stripped of the right to choose. Stuck playing the role of someone else’s play, I am a marionette. Never having to deal with the worry of my place among my people, but never given the luxury of the excitement of tomorrow’s wonders. Always knowing that tomorrow will be the same as today—stuck in this endless loop of preparing for the day that has sealed me to this fate.

Any other Na’vi woman would have been happy to receive such an honor. To be promised to the oldest son of the great Toruk Makto, the Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya. There was a time where I felt ecstatic at receiving such a role, to be the next Tsahìk. But as the years grew on, I felt myself becoming more burdened with the ideology of the perfect Tsahìk—to live up to the legacy of all those who came before me.

My mind grew addicted to the idea of—not only becoming the perfect leader for my people but—becoming the perfect mate for him. Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan, the perfect son who was expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and become the greatest leader our clan has ever known. So, you can imagine the agonizing pressure I felt to live up to such an image–such an ideal. They say no good thing comes without a price. The cost of being chosen to become the next Tsahìk was my sanity.

My ideology and romanticism of becoming Tsahìk left no room for mistakes or failures. The dread of failure was suffocating. Anxieties often plagued my mind like a disease, ripping away at my heart, at the mere thought of Neteyam choosing another because of my own imperfections. I struggled to stay afloat among the waves of thoughts that tormented my mind and heart.

Despite all of this cruel internal torment, I somehow upheld my image as the perfect future Tsahìk of the Omatikaya. Ma Neteyam—my beautiful, beloved Neteyam—followed every order of his father without complaint. His confident, protective nature drew the attention of many fine women of our clan. Many of whom tried to get his attention—who tried to take my place as his promised mate. The mere audacity of these women were sickening, but not nearly as much as the aching my heart felt for his lack of attention. His obliviousness for all the torment I’ve subjected myself to—in the name of one day becoming his—only fueled the fire of my self deprecating thoughts.

Oh, how my heart yearns for the days when his care for me was as clear as day, when the thought of being promised to him wasn’t so suffocating—when waking up didn’t seem like another troubling task.

The days began to slowly blend together as my training continued. The weight of my duty weighed heavy on my mind as my mask began to crumble under the pressure. Soon people began to take notice of my mental torment. Nights I would go hungry with tear stained eyes, no longer being able to stomach the food I once enjoyed. The continuous hunger began to take a toll on my body as my skin became dull and my eyes full of sorrow.

I begged Eywa for salvation from this hell, hoping her answer would take my life. Her answer, unfortunately, burdened me with Neytiri’s sympathetic gaze. She saw through my facade and attempted to comfort me with open arms. My heart—no—my mind couldn’t allow such generosity to be wasted on me. I didn’t deserve it, I never earned it.

But despite my sweet white lies coated in pleasant smiles, she persisted. Encouraging me to take breaks, attempting to keep my mind from the anxieties of the impending future—focusing on the smaller sweeter things in life. Even Kiri continued these little antics when she could not. These small, but meaningful efforts felt… endearing. It felt as if Eywa had blessed me with sweet drops of nectar full of the childhood nostalgia that brought me so much joy.

Of course, no matter how much I beg and plea for these small endearing moments to last. I must be reminded that I have a duty to fulfill, a role to play.

It was a mistake. A small one in the eyes of others, but in mine—a grave one. In my moment of turmoil, I had caught the eye of Mo’at’s worry. Just like Neytiri, she had caught sight of what laid beneath my crumbling facade. She had urged me to rest, to allow the wounds within my mind and heart to heal. I believed I needn’t nor deserved such luxury; and when I did not heed her warning, she stripped me of my duties until my health recovered.

Oh, how my heart ached that day she spoke those words. I became withdrawn from the world. My mind became more merciless as my thoughts threw daggers at my heart. Everything became too much of a tremendous task. Even sleeping brought me no comfort. With every minute of every hour of every day, my mind was full of deprecating thoughts boarding on self pity.

I couldn’t bear to face Kiri nor Neytiri each time they brought me food from meals I could care less to think about. Never in my life would I have thought I would feel so worthless, so undeserving of something I prayed for as a child. I wondered where everything went so horribly wrong and why did it have to be me to bear this pain.

The people of the Omatikaya deserve a Tsahìk better than this. One who doesn’t crumble under the pressure of her own future. How can I protect and guide my own people, when I can barely do the same for myself? I don’t deserve to even consider myself one of the people, I don’t deserve to be Tsahìk, I don’t deserve to live the rest of my life by his side. I barely have the right to live.

Ma Neteyam—my beautiful, beloved Neteyam—please trust that I am not so cruel to chain you to my side, to allow you to suffer through my pain and self pity. I love you too dearly to allow you to limit yourself for me.

Even though I crossed the ocean all those years ago, my heart still yearns for the future I know I can never have with you. I just hope and pray to Eywa, that you and whomever is promised to you does not suffer through the same pressure and anxiety I have.

My love for you and the Omatikaya people shall also be held close to my heart, forever and always.

#neteyam x reader #neteyam #avatar #awow neteyam #awow #avatar 2009 #neteyam imagine #neteyam oneshot #neytiri #neytiri x reader #kiri #kiri avatar #kiri x reader #awow x reader #angst #neteyam sully #avatar neteyam #avatar way of water #avatar kiri #avatar neytiri

[ashestoroses018]

SEPULCHRAL (Prologue: The Death)

When your brother dies of the plague destroying Athens from within, you go on an Odyssey to save his soul from the Underworld. If you happen to fall in love with the God of the Underworld on the way, well, that can only help your cause, right? Hades/Reader 18+

You sigh as you hear a neighbor coughing through the thin walls of the shack you share with your much-younger brother, Alexios. It is the 87th Olympiad, year 3, and you have seen 20 summers. Your brother has seen only 6, and those 6 years have been rife with war between Athens and Sparta and, more recently, with a plague hitting Athens, your home. 

Neighbors you have come to love like family have dropped dead. Strangers fall over in the street, blocking doors and causeways. The alchemists and scientists and philosophers say that fire will keep the disease away, so the bodies are burned. Burning bodies carry a smell that will haunt you forever.

You live in fear. Fear that the disease will take you and leave your baby brother on his own.  Fear that you’ll run out of food. Fear that the gods’ wrath will destroy everything you’ve ever known. So you pray. Day in and day out, you pray to Athena, the patron of Athens. You make offerings to her altar at least once a week, and you pray.

So far, this seems to have worked, as neither you nor, gods-forbid, your brother have gotten the plague. You hear whispers that Strategos Pericles has lost his two sons to the plague and has fallen ill himself. It seems the plague cares not whether you are important or not, rich or poor. It comes for everyone.

You hear your name in a whisper. Alexios.

“What is it, Alexios?” you ask, also in a whisper. 

“I don’t feel well,” he says. “I feel hot, and my skin itches.”

You bite your lip. A rash is one of the first signs of the plague. Not Alexios, please gods in Olympus, not Alexios. 

“I will get a cream for you, little one. Just go lie down in bed. I’ll be back soon.”

And you do. Creams for plague spots are sold at every street corner, merchants never above making a drachma off of innocent people, even during a time of war and plague. 

“How much for one tub of your miracle cream?” you ask Agapios, a merchant you’ve been friendly with for a few years.

“Three drachmae. I’m running low, you see. I can’t go any cheaper than that, even for a friend.”

You sigh. Three drachmae is a week’s wages for you, but you’ll do anything for your baby brother. Agapios knows this.

“Alexios doing alright?” he asks. 

“I think so. He’s just complaining of itching, but he has no cough or fever as of yet.”

“I will pray for his swift recovery. I heard another thirty bodies were found three streets over.” He pauses. “I’m so tired of the smell of burning bodies.”

“As am I, Agapios. As am I.”

You slide over your week’s wages in exchange for the small tub of miracle cream, and Agapios offers you a small smile. “I’m sure he’ll recover. The gods try to protect the innocent, after all, and no one is more innocent than that sweet child.”

You want to agree, but your prayers for the last weeks have gone unanswered, as more and more bodies pile in the streets. When you get back to your shack, you hear thin coughing from within. Alexios.

“I am back, little brother,” you say quietly, not wishing to disturb your sick neighbors. 

“Welcome home,” he says in return. 

“I brought you a miracle cream to help with the rash. It should make the itching stop.”

“Thank you.” He takes off his shirt for you, and you inwardly gasp at the spots covering his body. He looks exactly like the corpses you see daily. 

Clenching your teeth, you begin to rub the cream on his chest and back in thick globs. It smells of honey, a disinfectant, and aloe vera. 

You are all your brother has, ever since his father went to war before he was born, and your shared mother died in childbirth. For Alexios, you are the only blood family he has ever known. Fellow Athenians have helped you since he was born, taken you under their wing, but no family has ever let you stay too long, and as soon as you turned sixteen, you were expected to earn your own keep, which you do as a seamstress. As for your father, well, he fucked off when you were ten, never to be seen or heard from again.

The little coughs shaking your tiny brother’s body are heartbreaking. Why did it have to be him who got sick? At least, if it were you, Alexios could move in with another family. Athenians are kind to young boys, especially boys as intelligent and charming as your brother. He would have no trouble becoming a foster or adopted son to a family. Frankly, he would probably be better off with you dead than alive, as much as it pains you to think. 

But no. You haven’t caught the plague. He has. Tears brim unbidden in your eyes, and you strive not to let your brother see them. He does.

“Am I going to die?”

“One day, many, many years from now.”

He whispers your name solemnly. “No. Am I going to die from the plague?”

“I won’t let that happen,” you say firmly. “I will pray to the gods every day for your recovery. The gods would not let a child as innocent and wonderful as you die from the plague. I am certain.”

Alexios coughs weakly. “I believe you.”

As it turns out, he shouldn’t have. His condition rapidly worsens over the coming days, as his fever increases. At one point, his fever was so thick, he thought he was talking to your mother. His coughs get worse, as does the rash. You run out of drachmae, just paying for food and miracle creams for your brother. At first, your boss is understanding of your consistent absences to take care of your brother, but after the fifth day, she tells you you must come in or lose your job working for her. You lose your job. The last thing you’re willing to do is come home to a dead brother, even if it means relying on the kindness of neighbors to remain fed.

On his final day in the world of the living, he begs you to stay at his side. “Sister,” he croaks.

“I am here, Alexios.”

He reaches his tiny hand out to you, and you grasp it in both of yours, tears beginning to spring forth from your eyes. 

“I’m scared,” he says. “What happens when you die?”

“Oh, sweet boy. You’re not dying. I won’t let that happen.”

“I know I’m dying, Sister. I can feel it.”

You grip his hand tighter in yours. “It’s not your time to die, little one. I’m older! I’ll die first, and you’ll have many years to come.”

“Sister, please don’t lie to me.” Alexios smiles, his lip cracking and bleeding from the effort. You feel an urge to wipe it clean but know that it is more important, now, to comfort him than to clean him. 

“Well, when you die, Hermes will come to take you to the Underworld. You’ll cross the River Styx with Charon and drink from the waters of Lethe to forget your mortal life.”

“But I don’t want to forget my mortal life!” he cries, trying to sit up.

“If you die, you must.”

“Well…I won’t.” His brows furrow and his face twists in a grimace of pain. “When Hermes comes to take me away, I’ll look for you Sister. You’ll protect me. You always have.”

You squeeze his hand tighter, even as you feel it start to go limp. “Yes, I’ll always protect you, Alexios.”

You bring him to you, as his rash begins to cause him pain. “It hurts, Sister.”

“Yes, I know. I’m out of the balm to make it itch less. I’m sorry.”

You hold him to you tighter, as tears begin to fall from his eyes. “I’m so scared. Please save me, Sister. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to forget.”

“Shhh,” you say. “Rest now. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

You begin to sing him the lullaby your mother taught you before he was born. It calms him somewhat, though he is still hyperventilating and crying. Rocking him, you rub his back and try to keep him from scratching too much.

As he relaxes against you, you feel yourself begin to cry again, knowing what is coming next.

His last word is your name. The wail you let out as his last breath leaves his body is enough for your neighbors to come running to your aid. An older woman clutches you to her breast as you heave great, shaking sobs. 

It takes half an hour just for you to calm down enough to speak. The older woman, Chloe, whispers your name, trying to draw your attention. 

“We must take his body to be burned, else the house will reek of the plague, dear.”

You can’t bear the thought of sweet, innocent Alexios being burned. “He can’t be gone,” you say, voice hoarse and thick from your screams and tears.

“He is, dear. We must send him off to Hades.”

“Burning his body means he won’t be able to pay Charon the toll to get to the afterlife.”

She nods. “We shall put a drachma over each eye and pray that scavengers don’t steal it. Does that sound good?”

“Yes, but…I lost my job. I’ve no more drachmae.”

“I’ll take care of it, dear. Alexios deserves a good afterlife, after all.”

Chloe turns to her husband, Kleitos. “Carry the poor boy out, my love. He must be burned.”

Turning to you, she gives you a final hug. “Please, dear one. Let us know if there is anything you need - anything at all.”

My brother back , you think but do not say. The only ones with the power to bring your brother back are the gods, themselves, so you set to praying. 

You pray every day for a week, with no response. There are whispers in the town about you, how you are obsessed and mad in your grief. You ignore them. Death is the worst possible thing to have happened to that sweet child, and you will be damned to Tartarus before you let your brother be numbed and left in Asphodel Meadows. 

The gods must not be all that powerful, if they’re unable to get your brother back. You’ve left offerings at the altar of Athena, at the altar of Zeus, even at a statue of Hades. None of them answer your prayers. Your faith in the gods will survive this trial, you know, because you’ve experienced their miracles before. Why they’re refusing to grant you this miracle is beyond you. 

You turn to spiritual leaders, who all tell you that Fate works in mysterious ways and that this was Alexios’ Fate. Your response to that gets you kicked out of the Parthenon for two weeks. During those two weeks, you stew in your anger, in your heartbreak, in your grief. You long for your brother, for his kind words and kinder smile. In some moments, you even long for your mother, long dead though she is. She would have something wise and helpful to say; she always did. 

Instead, you hatch a plan in your anger, in your fury, in your righteous indignation. You are going to break into the Underworld and save your brother. Orpheus may not have been able to save Eurydice, but you will save your brother, or you will die trying and join him in the Underworld.

#hades #greek mythology #original work #original fiction #sepulchral #ashestoroses018 #hotpinkrose #x reader #x you #hadesxreader #hades x reader #hadesxyou #hades x you #hades/reader #hades/you #/reader #/you

[scotianostra]

June 10th is White Rose Day, when Jacobites celebrate their cause, it is the date in1688 that James Edward Stuart, “the Old Pretender”, Anglo-Scottish prince, was born,

It’s not easy with these posts at times. For a start does he deserve to take his place in history of the Scots?

Well I’ve included many others that were not born here in my posts, and the Stewart/Stuart name will always be synonymous with our Nation.James Stuart and his laddie Charlie, The Old and Young Pretenders,as they are often referred to, get more than their fair share of the limelight in my posts, so let's look at the symbolism behind the White Rose itself. The White Rose itself.

The White Rose/Rosa x alba grows all over Scotland. It is a bushy, shrub like rose with dark, grey green foliage and a small five petalled flower, similar to a dog rose, which can be white or pale pink. They only flower in spring, and have a beautiful scent with notes of citrus. The plants are hardy, thrive in poor soil, can tolerate shade and drought and are for the most part resistant to disease.

The white rose became a symbol of the Jacobite cause, a political movement in the 17th & 18th centuries whose aim was to restore the exiled King James II and his descendants to the throne of Scotland, England and Ireland. The roots of the rose as a symbol are somewhat lost in myth and legend. It is said that one of the earliest references refers to the birth of James Francis Edward Stuart, son of the deposed King James II, who was born on this day in 1688, said to be “the longest day of the year in which the white rose flowers”.

In the years leading up to the Jacobite Rebellion of 1745, Jacobites were forced to meet and plot in secret, and the white rose or white cockade (a flower made from ribbon, often worn on a hat) was a way of identifying those who supported the cause. The Jacobites had many other secret symbols, including the sunflower (to symbolise loyalty, as a sunflower always follows the sun) and moths or butterflies (their emergence from a chrysalis symbolised the hope for the return to power of the Stuart family). Another legend tells how Bonnie Prince Charlie plucked a white rose from the roadside and stuck it in his hat as he made his way south from Glenfinnan to start the Jacobite Rebellion of 1745.

The flower has been used in song and poems, The Corries sang the song The White Cockade, a song Robert Burns adapted and made famous:

The White Cockade

My love was born in Aberdeen

The bonniest lad that e'er was seen;

But now he makes our hearts fu' sad,

He's taen the field wi' his white cockade.

O he's a rantin, rovin blade, He's a brisk and a bonny lad, Betide what may, my heart is glad, To see my lad wi his white cockade.

Oh leeze me on the philabeg

The hairy hough and garten'd leg;

But aye the thing that blinds my ee,

The white cockade aboun the bree.I'll sell my rock, I'll sell my reel,

My rippling-kame and spinning wheel,

To buy my lad a tartan plaid,

A braidsword, dirk, and white cockade.I'll sell my rokelay and my tow,

My good grey mare and hawkit cow,

that every loyal Buchan lad

May tak the field wi the white cockade

And of course there is the joyfully short poem by Hugh MacDiarmid;

The Little White Rose

The rose of all the world is not for me

I want for my part

Only the little white rose of Scotland

That smells sharp and sweet – and breaks the heart

#scotland #scottish #Jacobites #white rose day #history