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#never mind my digestive system

blackbat05 · 11 months

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The Path to Healing

Miguel O’Hara x Reader

Plot: Miguel gets accidentally sent to another dimension, one without super powered beings. There, he meets a familiar face - one that could help him to heal and find the strength to finally move forward.

Genre: PG-13 (comfort fic)

A/N: I really had a great trip in Korea, so here’s to another self-indulgent fic! Also this fits really well with the multiverse concept heh. Reblogs and comments appreciated!💜

Italics - Internal Monologue/Past Memories

He blinks once, then twice.

Miguel O’Hara finds himself staring into the endless blue skies.

Just where the heck am I?

He slowly eases himself up, fingers flying at his communicator in hopes of reaching Lyla.

“Damn it! For once I actually need her and this stupid thing doesn’t work.” He’s about to rip the device from his wrist but last minute logic creeps in.

When I get back, I’m going to kill all of them. Forget the spider society, I can do this on my own.

Miguel kicks the snow at the thought of the Go Home machine malfunctioning right when he entered.

This is why you should have never put Peter in charge. This is why you should have never let Miles in. This is why-

Miguel is too busy in his internal self-monologue that he crashes into someone.

“Ouch!”

Recovering from the sudden accident, Miguel extends a hand for the stranger. He’s about to apologize for the lack of awareness in his surroundings when he finally gets a clear view of the stranger under the yellow beanie.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry about that.”

Miguel could have walked away with his usual grunt and continue to figure out where the heck Peter and Miles had sent him to. No, he should have walked away. But he couldn’t.

Because the stranger was an exact replica of her.

If this was someone’s idea of a joke, Miguel would have had that person torn to shreds. Hands balling into fists, he forces himself back to Earth.

The question was, which universe was this?

“No, it was my fault. I should have watched where I was going.” Miguel sees your easygoing smile and his feet are rooted to the ground.

It wouldn’t hurt to ask. After all, despite Miguel being clad in spandex, you didn’t run the other direction when you had the chance.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t really know where I am? I was hoping to ask someone.” Miguel starts slowly.

“Figures.” You respond cheerfully. “You’re in Hongdae.” You see the poor man attempting to digest what you just told him so you try again.

“Hongdae. Seoul. The place that never sleeps?” There was still no visible reaction from the man and you were starting to get worried. “You’re in Seoul, South Korea. Hey, are you sure you’re okay? I know there’s a hospital nearby.”

That seemed to have done the trick as Miguel shakes his head. “I’m fine. But could you excuse me for a minute?”

You nod as he ducks into one of the many alleyways. You suddenly remember your mother’s words about running for safety but you push it out of your mind for now.

Looking around, you see a pushcart and make your way to it.

***

“Lyla! Where the hell have you been?” Miguel almost yells.

“Sorry, boss. Margo only managed to get the systems up and running. We’re working on bringing you back asap.”

“Tell me you know where the hell that idiot and the kid sent me.” His voice was almost pleading.

“Earth 1218. If you’re worried about any anomalies there, you can save them for another day.” Lyla tells him as she works away. “That universe is devoid of any super powered beings.” She looks at him through her pink frames. “But they have many problems of their own.”

Miguel was almost curious as to what these problems were but that was not the issue. He peeks out from the alley he was hiding behind, actually relieved to see that you were still there. Miguel holds his communicator towards your direction, zooming into your face.

“Can you do a scan?”

“Is that a challenge?” Lyla clicks away and within seconds she’s able to confirm your identity.

“Well… she’s not from here. Korea, I mean. But she’s here for six months and is apparently here on her first solo trip.”

So, you were doing well. You weren’t constantly looking over your back, worried about superhuman threats because of him. As much as Miguel hoped to see some form of recognition on your face, it was better that things stayed this way. It only confirmed his suspicions.

You were safe without him.

“Tell me when you fixed the machine. I got to go.” Miguel switches off his communicator, walking back to you.

“There you are! I was worried you ran off in this cold!” You grin. “I got a couple of things for you.” You hold up a shopping bag and a cup with what looks like a pancake to Miguel.

“This is Hotteok. Or a honey pancake.” You thrust the warm cup into his hands. “It’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.” You happily bit into it, oblivious of Miguel’s stare.

You were just like her.

“Miguel! Have you tried this paella? Oh it’s so good!”

The memory punches him in the gut and Miguel has to sit down. He decides that the best way was to distract himself with the delicacy in front of him and almost burns his lips while doing so.

“Careful!” You whip out a wet wipe, gently pressing it onto his lips. “You don’t want to walk around with a sore lip do you?”

Finishing up the last bit of food, you give him the shopping bag. “An extra set of clothes because no matter how good you are with the cold, I don’t think walking around like you just came out of comic con would do the both of us any good.”

Miguel slips on the grey hoodie and black track pants, grateful that the muted colors had blended him together with the bustling crowd.

“Now, that’s all settled. Maybe you want to tell me what you’re really doing here?” You patiently wait for his response as Miguel’s mind races at the speed of light.

What does she mean? Did she find out? But how?

“I mean, I kind of heard a loud crash and minutes later I come crashing into you and forgive me… but you look like someone was chasing after you.”

Miguel wants to scream. How is he going to get out of this without repeating the same mistake and not looking like a complete psycho?

“You’re safe. You can tell me anything.”

I know I am. But the last time I told you, you got killed by The Green Goblin.

How could he deny your request? Not when you were waiting patiently for him to speak. Miguel feels like a cornered animal, with no way out.

Maybe, if you were just a little more honest with her.

He takes a deep breath, hoping that he would not regret this.

***

“You’re from another dimension?”

“Yes.”

“And you were accidentally sent here.”

“Yes.” Miguel hesitates to continue further, looking at you apprehensively. “I know you think I must be some madman but let me show you something.” He presses a few commands on his communicator, knowing that this was the only way for you to believe him.

A hologram pops up and Miguel can feel a part of his battered heart shattering once more. A picture of him and a woman who could be your twin appears. The carefree laughter that she was emitting after having her strawberry ice cream stolen from a playful Miguel was a thing of the past.

“She’s you but from my dimension. We were together but…” Miguel trails off, unsure of how to complete the sentence.

“But what?” You prodded gently, sensing that there was more to the man in front of you. “It’s okay. I don’t think you’re crazy. In fact, there are plenty of crazy people in my world- more like idiotic.” You snort.

Miguel grips his thigh. “She died because she got too close to me. My enemies knew and they used it as leverage.”

What am I doing? Spilling my guts to a stranger just because she looks like her?

But there was no turning back for Miguel. Perhaps, there was a reason why he was sent here. Maybe, he had to right his wrongs.

You suddenly rummage through your bag and Miguel is positive that you’re about to call the cops on him. Instead, you take out your phone. “There’s something I want to show you.” You pass him the phone and Miguel finds himself staring at…

Himself.

“That’s why I believed you.” Your soft voice breaks his train of thoughts. “He used to be a researcher studying astrophysics and quantum physics.” You explained. “He always told me of the possibilities of another dimension. I thought it was a little whack to be honest but after everything that has happened, it doesn’t hurt to believe.” You smile sadly and this time Miguel can’t help but to be curious.

“Was? What happened?”

“He died. Gunshot wound.”

Miguel blinks, the news taking him aback. So he was dead in this world.

“I used to work as a police officer. We used to meet each other every Friday after work. But one day, he didn’t show up as per our agreed timing and I knew something was up.” You breathed heavily. “A crime boss that I was working so hard to catch caught up to me. He took the one thing that I loved the most.”

“I’m- I’m sorry I asked.”

“No. I needed this. I should be sorry. Spilling my guts out to a stranger all because he looks like my boyfriend.”

Miguel can’t help but to laugh at how his internal thoughts were just vocalized and you burst out into laughter as well.

“The point is,” you recover from your high. “I don’t think she would have blamed you. She would have been proud. Of all the people that you’ve managed to save.”

That’s all I’ve been doing. Saving worlds one after another to fill the void in my heart.

“She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. You did all you could. She would have wanted you to live on.”

“And you?”

You stare up into the skies. “That’s what he would have wanted me to do. That’s what I’m doing now. This is why I came to Korea. I want to remember him in the best way possible. Only positive memories.”

Miguel pauses. He had never thought of it that way. All this while, he was burying himself in his grief, praying that one day it would bury him alive.

Positive… your positive energy was boundless even across dimensions. No one could put it out. Not even Miguel himself who attempted to ignore it in hopes of numbing his pain. The only thing that did was to leave a gaping hole.

“It’s too painful.” He gasps, as if coming to the surface from being nearly drowned by the relentless waves.

“It always is at first.” You hold his curled fist, as if silently telling him to release. “But you need to give yourself a chance. Let the people around you in.”

At this moment, a burst of light could be seen from the alley that Miguel was at earlier. The two of you look at each other before making way to the source. That could only mean one thing.

“Boss!” A young girl steps out with her comrade donning golden bangles at his wrists. “We’re ready to take you home.”

It was as if the appearance of the two members had bought Miguel’s usual personality back. “Where’s Peter and Morales?”

“Oh, they were too scared to come.” The boy chirps at this Peter and Morales misfortune. “But I think they actually did some good by sending you here boss!” He takes a glance at your amused expression at the scene in front of you.

Pavitr, so straightforward and always so accurate. Miguel controls his urge to tell him to shut up. Though, strangely the boy had a point. If it wasn’t for the antics of Peter and Miles, he wouldn’t have met you.

He wouldn’t have come to terms with the raw wound in his heart. He wouldn’t have the closure that he needed and would have just continued running away until exhaustion caught up with him.

“Wait!”

Miguel turns back to see you scribbling something on a piece of paper before giving it to him.

“I don’t know how you guys work over there but if it’s possible to travel here by accident, I’m sure you can come and see me again. This is my address in Korea and my number.”

Miguel wants to tell you that it is impossible, that the two of you should never meet.

Just give it a chance.

The voice in his head was loud and clear. There was no room for discussion.

“Thank you. For today.” He holds the piece of paper tight like a lifeline, preparing to step into the portal.

“I’ll see you soon.” You waved goodbye.

The portal closes behind Miguel, and the three of them are back at headquarters.

“So boss…” Pavitr begins.

“Not a word. Find Peter and Morales.”

***

Afterword

You step out from the apartment, taking in the fresh air. It’s been three months since you met Miguel. The cherry blossoms told you that much.

Walking along the Han River, you can’t help but to feel a little lonely amongst the crowd who were with their loved ones.

No, he was with you in spirit.

Grabbing a iced tea, you snap a photo with your camera, planning to develop the picture for your photo book.

As you continued on your journey, you were too engrossed with the beauty of the pink petals that you bump into another person admiring the scenery of the Han River.

“Sorry!” You apologized with the minimal Korean that you picked up from your time here.

“If you’re really sorry, maybe you could spend some time with me?” The man responds in perfect English.

You’re about to tell the potential creep off when he turns around, causing a huge smile to form on your face.

“Miguel! You came.”

#miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #spiderman: across the spiderverse

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ecoamerica · 25 days

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downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le · 11 months

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My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader)

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) Word Count: 14,842 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of murder, crime scenes, guns, near-death experiences, slow-burn romance, drug addiction, death, and some MAJOR FLUFF! Spoilers: none, as Criminal Minds has been out for literal decades so don't get mad.

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer, and one time he says it back in the same fashion.

This man has been eating my brain alive for the past few weeks and I know I'm late but damn he deserves all the appreciation he gets. This was just a silly little idea I had because I'm the kind of person to get obsessed quickly and can't move on until I write it out of my system. Seeing how long this turned out, I have split each moment into six smaller, digestible chapters as linked below. Enjoy xx

Spencer Reid was performing some of his physics magic for his colleagues when he first saw you.

He'd just mixed up some water with an antacid tablet and placed within a film canister. He'd done it a hundred times on his own, but he'd only just joined the BAU two months ago, and JJ and Derek hadn't seen it before so he just had to do it. Quickly placing the lid on, he said, 'You can turn around now.'

'I don't understand why we had to in the first place,' Derek said as he grumpily turned around.

'A magician never tells his secrets,' Spencer said, rubbing his hands gleefully. To him, showing off his intellect never got boring.

Well, show off wasn't the proper term. He understood that he could be a lot for some people, knowing so much for a man in his early twenties that looked barely old enough to be out of school, let alone with three Bachelors and PHDs under his belt already. Spouting little known facts or remembering minute details about cases that went back thirty to forty years was just his way of expressing himself. It was his way of contributing to the team. And while his team was getting used to his ramblings and intellect, even demonstrated admiration for it, others would call him a freak.

'If you ask me,' JJ said, 'I wouldn't want to know how he does some things.'

'Fair,' Derek replied, all their eyes on the film canister.

Spencer watched it in anticipation, how the bubbles slipped out between the lid and the canister slowly at first, then started bubbling faster and bigger and-

POP!

The canister rocketed up towards the roof, and all three of them watched with wide eyes as it arced over the bullpen and then down to meet the-

'Ow!'

Spencer ducked into his chair as he watched a young lady in a loose button up shirt, dress pants and boots pat her head. He heard JJ and Derek scurry away, but Spencer remained staring at the woman. Who is she? he thought, his eyes scanning over her.

Your (h/c) hair caught the sunlight, giving it a glow that had Spencer mesmerised. Your (s/c) skin shone with it, making your (e/c) eyes stand out most beautifully. And when you stood back up and made eye contact with him, canister in hand, he found himself frozen, unable to avoid the conclusion that he was the culprit.

'What is this, Reid?' Hotch said, walking up to his desk not looking the least bit impressed. 'Actually, don't answer that. Just don't do it again.'

'Sorry,' Spencer murmured out, a guilty smile stretching his lips slightly.

Hotch blew out a sigh. 'Never mind that now. I would like to introduce you to our new team member. Agent (Y/n) (L/n), a transfer from LA.'

Spencer finally realised that you had walked up with Hotch, and now that you were so close (literally standing a desk apart from one another), he was lost for words at how bright your smile was, and how beautiful you looked that way.

'So you're the one that thought my head was a good landing place for your little... rocket,' you said offering the film canister back, laughter dancing in your words.

It took Spencer a moment for him to realise you wanted him to take the canister back, so he scrambled to his feet, fingers fumbling for the canister. 'No, I-I was just showing how a-an antacid reacts with water, and how, put into a small, confined place, that can cause a chemical, gas-like reaction and cause it to exploded.'

'And launch it like a rocket?' you asked.

He paused as he watched your smile slip a little. Oh no. He'd done it again - made someone feel dumber than him. And while technically that was true, he never meant to make anyone feel like that.

'Y-Yeah?' he answered, awkwardness rising up in his throat, freezing his limbs, his brain.

But then suddenly your smile returned, melting his fear and doubt as you said, 'Cool! I've always loved chemistry. I actually did a Bachelor of Science with a major in archaeological science and a minor in chemistry before I started my BA in Criminology.'

'And now you're here,' he said, a soft smile of his own tugging at his lips.

You nodded, looking around what would now be your new home. 'And now I'm here.'

'Fascinating,' Spencer breathed out. He didn't mean to, but it made you smile more so he didn't mind. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't introduced himself. He struck out his arm, rigid as a board, and offered his hand. 'Sorry, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'Pleasure to meet you, doctor,' you said, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. You skin was as soft as it looked, Spencer noted. 'I very much look forward to working with you and the rest of the team as we go forward.'

'We've got a briefing in five minutes, Reid,' Hotch interrupted, moving to step away from the conversation. 'I'll introduce you to the rest of the team then, (L/n). And if I find you firing another film canister through the sky, Reid-'

'Yes, yes, sorry, no more rockets. Airspace Reid is officially grounded,' Spencer quickly replied, not wanting to get lectured like a twelve-year-old like he usually did.

Your tinkling laughter drew his attention back to you, and he was baffled by the wonderment dancing in your eyes as you looked at him. 'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'T-Thanks?' he replied, although he wasn't quite sure if you were making fun of him or not. Most people did if they didn't straight up tell him he was annoying.

Hotch walked away, but you remained for a moment, leaning in close to whisper, 'That's a good thing, by the way.'

'Oh. Right.'

You flashed him one last smile before following your new unit chief, falling back into easy conversation with him as you gracefully floated through the chaotic goings of the office. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off you as you did, in awe of your grace and poise, and how you didn't even stumble when you spoke with him. You were genuine, upfront and honest. You couldn't be much older than himself, he noted, perhaps even younger. He was used to being the baby of the team, but it looked like that would be changing.

The prospect of being able to connect with someone his own age sent an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter through his heart.

'Oh, you've got it bad.'

Spencer spun in his chair to see JJ and Derek standing behind him once more, watching him with knowing grins.

'What? What have I got?' he asked. 'I'm not sick... I don't think.'

JJ rolled her eyes and giggled as she walked away, Spencer just catching a quiet, 'This'll be fun,' as she did. But Derek walked closer, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, and that knowing grin stretched wider, more feline and cheeky.

'Don't worry, pretty boy,' he said. 'You'll figure it out soon. You're smart, right?'

'Well, smart isn't really the quite term for someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187-'

'And pep talk is over,' Derek interrupted, abruptly walking away back to his desk and leaving Spencer in a disarray of emotions.

So he looked back to where you had gone, and found you speaking with Penelope, nodding enthusiastically to whatever she was talking to you about. But you weren't just being polite, you appeared genuinely interested in the conversation, even though Spencer noted you barely contributed to it.

'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

All his life, Spencer had been told he was a genius - gifted, different. It had just become an effortless part of who he is. It was almost expected at this point to see weirded-out or overly-amazed expressions from people he didn't know. So why then, when you said that to him, did he feel happy about it?

He checked his watch. Almost briefing time. He got up from his seat and made his way to the briefing room where only a place beside you was available. Maybe he would find out soon enough.

It became a casual thing, for you to comment on how wonderful Dr. Spencer Reid was. Every day in the office, whenever you travelled to cases, even out in the field, sometimes in not-so-great situations.

It was only ever once, but you always managed to find something to say, 'You are a wonder, Dr Reid,' to him. Sometimes it was his full name, sometimes just doctor. Sometimes, he was just Spencer. Apart from JJ, you were the only one who ever really called him by his first name. Oddly enough for him, he liked it when he was just Spencer, not the Boy Genius or freak or computer.

But the next time you told him that and it meant something to him was ten months after he ended his drug addiction.

He sat at his desk in the bullpen finishing some paperwork, or at least attempting to. They'd just gotten back from a long and exhausting case and his brain (the very thing he knew he could always rely on) refused to coordinate with his hands and eyes. The information he wished to write out felt jammed at his fingers tips, appeared blurry in his vision.

'Gosh,' he breathed out, leaning back in his seat defeated as he rubbed at his tired eyes. No doubt black bags sagged beneath them.

It had been a long, exhausting case. The team had gone to Dallas to find a serial killer who'd been leaving a trail of dead doctors and pharmacists over the span of months which had suddenly turned into weeks, then days once the team joined the case.

The unsub had spiralled, devolved so to say, alluding to a psychotic break. But when they'd found him, he was not the malicious, sadistic person they'd first expected. Spencer was the first on the scene and had instead found a young man in his early twenties, not much younger than himself. All he'd wanted was some off-market narcotic that took away the pain from the physical abuse he received from his father.

And while Spencer's trauma was not the same, he couldn't help but see the parallels. When he'd looked the young man in the eyes, it was like looking into a mirror. All he saw was himself, drowning in his own trauma, his own fear, his own pain.

Spencer scoped the bullpen, suddenly noticing the silence. Not a single person was left. He then looked at his watch - half past ten. He hadn't noticed people leaving whatsoever. Not surprising considering his current state, his current condition.

Spencer slowly reached down to the bottom drawer of his desk, a sudden urge coursing through him to do so. Slowly again, almost hesitantly, he pulled it open and leafed through the many spare manilla folders that sat oddly in there until he reached the bottom.

It was just one vial, but just the mere sight of it sent relief rushing through Spencer. Dilaudid. He gently cradled it up to his eyes, admiring how the glass doors of the entrance became obscured as he looked through the transparent but murky liquid. After this case, what he wouldn't give to have a needle right now. Just one hit-

'Well, if it isn't Dr. Spencer Reid burning the midnight oil.'

Spencer almost dropped the vial as he scrambled to shove it deep into his pant pocket just as you appeared out of nowhere from the conference room.

'Sorry,' you said, an apologetic smile already on your lips. 'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's okay,' he replied as casually as possible. It was one thing to nearly be caught out by your colleague that you had an illegal narcotic you used to have an addiction for in your hand, but another when that colleague is one you've admired since the day you met. 'I was lost in thought, anyways.'

'Well just as well then. I can only imagine how depthless your brain must go with all that knowledge crammed in there.' You walked down the stairs to the floor of the bullpen and walked to him. You were still in your clothes from the past twenty-four hours, and your light makeup looked like it was lifting off your face like a second skin. Even your unrelenting smile seemed to sag with exhaustion.

Spencer straightened up in his seat, suddenly concerned. 'You okay, (Y/N)? You look-'

'Like trash?' you finished as you pulled up a chair of your own and sat in front of him. 'I have no doubt.'

Spencer looked behind your back into the conference room, his eyebrows furrowing when he spotted stacks of folders and loose paperwork spread across the table. 'That all yours?'

You looked back to the mess of words and paper you'd just escaped and sighed dramatically. 'Oh, yeah. Seems like the longer the case, the more paperwork you have to do. Poor trees.'

'Yeah...' Spencer found it odd how much paperwork you had to get through. Even he didn't have that much to get through. But before he could question you about it, your soft voice filled the damning void that surrounded him.

'How are you feeling, you know, after this case?'

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Don't give me that,' you say, your smile now replaced by a seriousness Spencer only saw on you when you were making an arrest or in really dire situations. You've worked together for almost three years now, he knew all the faces you pulled, all of your likes and dislikes, how you liked your coffee only after you've completed one task for the day to prove you can survive without it but choose not to.

He knows you, so it should not be surprising that you know him just as well.

'The moment we found out the unsub's objective, you've been a little... off.'

'Well, it shouldn't be surprising considering that was me just ten months ago,' he said matter-of-factly, pulling back into his shell, putting up his guard. 'I mean, if Hotch hadn't have found out about it, that could've been me-'

'No it wouldn't have.'

Spencer scoffed, but not in a demeaning manner. He just didn't believe you for a moment because he could see the facts, the statistics, in his head. 'Over 45% percent of addicts relapse at least twice. This is without the intervention or support by health care clinics and families and friends, and this case just proved that. So, yes, it could've been-'

'But it wasn't,' you intervened again, your voice echoing like soft thunder through the empty office. It gave you presence, forcing Spencer to look at you, like really look at you, and face what you were about to say.

'You had help and support from people that care about you, Spence,' you continued, sitting forward in your seat. 'And I don't care about the statistics, you're not one of them. You're your own person and you can determine where you add value in life, not by some... statistically-informed percentage prediction... thing.'

That drew a laugh out him, the quiet but sudden sound surprising him slightly. 'Stastically-informed percentage prediction, huh?'

'Shut up,' you grumbled and playfully punched his shoulder. When you both calmed down, you continued. 'When I realised who we were looking for, for a moment I kind of got scared.'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow 'Scared?'

You nodded. 'The truth is that... when you were kidnapped and... you had to endure all that pain alone... I was terrified. We all were. Even when we found you, I was terrified. Because I knew you would never be the same, and not that it's your problem, but I knew in that moment that I would never forgive myself for not finding you sooner. For not going with you and JJ to the farm.'

Tears welled up in your eyes and Spencer immediately leant forward. To do what, he didn't know, he just needed you to know he was there for you, like you always were for him.

'I'm sorry,' you mutter, blinking the tears away before they could fall. 'Your trauma is not my own. I have no right to express my guilt.'

'There's nothing to feel guilty for,' he said, reaching out slowly with his hands, the ones that slightly shook as he laid them on your own.

To his relief, you smiled. It wasn't full, but it was there. 'You're a horrible liar, Spencer Reid.' That brought some laughter out of you both, lightening the suffocating air of the office.

'But even when we found out about you and the dilaudid,' you continued, pulling yourself together, if only to let Spencer know your true thoughts. 'I wasn't even mad.'

A large lump formed in Spencer's throat, and he had a hard time swallowing it along with the threat of tears that burned behind his amber eyes. 'You... You weren't?'

It was the mixture of surprise and hope that pulled at your heart, that made you feel obligated to keep speaking. 'Why should I have been? I was not the one who was tortured mentally and physically by a split-personality murderer; and who also witnesses the darkest, most ugliest aspects of humanity every single day of his life. It was not my place to judge how you hold onto your own humanity.'

Your eyes until then had never left his, but they flickered downwards then, and Spencer froze at where your gaze landed.

It only lasted a moment before your eyes returned to his, and it startled him the lack of sympathy he finds there, but instead warmth. 'It is still not my place to judge,' you said, twisting your hands so they could clasp his fully. 'All I know is that... you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So much stronger than me, JJ, Pen, Emily - heck, I'd say you're even stronger than Derek. But not Hotch, Gideon, and Rossi, though. Then again, no one is.'

You both chuckled at that, and all the tension in his body seemed to dissipate at the sound. So light and airy, it was what he imagined heaven sounded like.

'The point is,' you continued, giving his hands a squeeze, 'you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded and conflicted within himself. He felt like he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And a great urge to suddenly engulf you in a hug started itching his limbs, which was weird because he didn't care much physical affection, or affection in general. But before he could decide what he wanted to do, you decided for him.

You gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. The absence of your touch left him cold as he followed you as you went back into the conference room to pack up. Surprisingly it didn't take you long until you came back out, your coat and bag in hand.

'Don't stay up too long, now,' you said as you passed him by, your smile so radiant it was almost as if you weren't crying just a few minutes before. 'We've got a long day ahead.'

As soon as the elevator door closed on you, he pulled out the vial of dilaudid and stared it down. It was like it was taunting him, sitting idly, innocently, in his palm, as if it knew he desperately wanted it, needed it.

'...you are stronger than you give yourself credit for... you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

For some reason, though, he suddenly didn't need it. The fire, the urge, the want and reliance for it - he was suddenly weightless with clarity, if only for a moment.

Spencer chucked the vial in the dumpster outside the office when he left. It was hard, but he did it. He knew he wasn't cured, that there was still a long road ahead. But it was a start.

The next day when he came into the office, Derek was the first to comment on his haggard appearance.

'Seriously man,' he said, trailing Spencer out of the break room, 'you look like a ghoul. Did you sleep at all last night.'

'I was here late last night doing paperwork,' he explained, sitting himself and his coffee down at his desk. 'You should go see (y/n), she probably looks a little worse for wear herself from staying late last night, too.'

'Oh, she stayed late too, did she?'

'It's not like that,' Spencer insisted, swatting at Derek pathetically. 'She had a mountain of paperwork to finish of her own.'

'Y/N?' Emily said as she walked by with JJ, identical coffees in their hands. 'She finished her paperwork at about the same time I did.'

'Yeah, we were walking out together before she turned back into the office. Said she had to talk with Hotch,' JJ said.

'I remember that,' Spencer added. 'You guys said goodnight to me on your way out.' Not that he had responded, he suddenly recalled, a pang of guilt punching his gut.

'Who had to talk with me?' The man himself suddenly walked by, stopping at the congregated group upon hearing his name.

'Y/n,' Emily answered. 'Last night.'

'Oh, yes. She, uh, asked if there was anymore paperwork to do.'

'Why would she do that when she was done?' JJ asked.

'I don't know,' Hotch said, making his way towards his office, 'but who am I to turn away someone who wants to do paperwork for free? Now, briefing in ten minutes.'

As the others dispersed back to their desks, Spencer didn't know how to feel about this new information. It didn't help the matter when you finally dragged yourself into the office, dark circles peaking out from under your thin layer of foundation. But as you sat at your desk, eyes drooping as you logged onto your laptop, he knew just what to do.

It took you a second to register the cup of coffee being held in front of your dazed eyes, and another to realise who was holding it.

'Late night?' Spencer asked, a coy smile on his lips.

Despite your exhaustion, you managed to grab the cup without spilling any of the precious caffeine that would help you through the day. 'Yeah,' you decided to play dumb, answering as enthusiastically as possible. 'Paperwork, you know. Never-ending.'

Spencer hummed, contemplating his next words carefully. 'Well, I hope giving up your sleep was worth it, then.'

'I'd like to think it was.'

The way you didn't hesitate to answer struck a chord of truth in him that left him dumbfounded once more. Twice in under twenty-four hours? That had to be a new record for him.

But instead of freezing up, he managed an honest smile as he clanked his coffee cup with your own. 'Well... it is certainly most appreciated.'

The next time you dumbfounded him, he almost kissed you.

Ever since you had joined the BAU, you and Spencer had alway had a sweet partnership. But after that night in the office, you had become inseparable. Best friends, to put simply. You stayed late at the office to keep each other company, brought each other coffee and treats, spent free days checking out the new films playing in the cinema.

You had inside jokes, and fought like an old, married couple - a fact the team loved to bring up whenever possible. But you liked it like that. Spencer was your person, and you were his.

And as much as he wowed you everyday, you managed to surprise him on occasions, too.

You were both paired up to interrogate a suspect. You personally didn't believe she was the killer, but Spencer didn't like to base anything from solely his gut. In other words, he was skeptical.

'I didn't kill those women,' your suspect said. 'And even if wanted to kill them, it would be for something more worthwhile than a stupid role.'

'Jealously isn't as far-fetched a reason to kill as you may believe,' Spencer stated to her. 'Particularly in women, the feeling of being threatened or in danger of losing something important to them brings out almost a maternal instinct to protect what they believe to be is theirs.'

'You think all actresses are that low? That shallow?' The young woman was pretty, but her face scrunched up in an ugly manner at the insinuation.

'He doesn't think that at all,' you interjected. 'In fact, he quite likes actresses, don't you buddy?'

Spencer gave you a side eye to which you smiled sickly-sweetly at in return. You were never going to let the Lila fling down any time soon.

You looked back at the young woman, your face returning to empathetic, concerned. She had a wall up, she was wearing a mask. If you wanted answers out of her, you needed to connect with her.

You leaned forward on the table, positioning yourself in front of Spencer so all her focus was on you.

'Anna,' you said softly, like you were speaking to a friend. 'I know you didn't do it. You're different than all those other girls right? You've worked hard to get where you are. Small town girl wanting to make a name for herself in an industry that can be ruthless and heartless as the killer that's still out there. You are classically trained, by-the-book, no shortcuts. I bet you started on the stage of your elementary school, landing the lead role.'

The young woman looked at you with skepticism for a moment, then you saw a crack in her mask as she nodded. 'I was Mary in the Christmas production. But it wasn't until high school when we preformed Shakespeare's The Tempest that I knew this was what I wanted to do with my life.'

Spencer noticed your smile now, how it lifted in a manner that sung of melancholy and fondness.

'"We are such stuff as dreams are made on.",' you said whimsically, and Spencer noted a familiarity that had the words rolling off your tongue with ease. Like it was muscle memory.

'Such a beautiful line, right?' the young woman asked.

'Yes, but, when translated into our modern English, it is quite sad really.' You make eye contact with the young woman and hoped she saw the understanding and slight desperation in your eyes. 'It means that life is an illusion, and a fleeting one at that. I don't necessarily believe in the first part of that, but it is true that life is fleeting. So before you end up the next aspiring actress in our morgue, you've got to tell us everything you know.'

The rest of the interrogation went smoothly. Honestly, it was the easiest one Spencer had ever sat in before. And all the while he had just sat there in awe of you.

'I didn't know you read Shakespeare,' he said randomly as they drove together in a local police SUV to meet with the rest of the team at the new suspect's house.

You scoffed. 'See that's the biggest misconception of Shakespeare. That it can only be read. In fact, it actually shouldn't be just read. It needs to be performed.'

Amusement danced upon Spencer's lips. 'Are you saying you were in a Shakespearean play? Which one? Actually, let me guess. Romeo and Juliet.'

'That's a cliche.'

'Twelfth Night? How about Taming of the Shrew?'

'Why do you want to know so badly?'

'Because I...' It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't quite know why he wanted to know. Only that he knows everything and you were his best friend and he didn't know something about you.

You spared him a sympathetic smile from the driver's seat before returning your eyes to the road. 'If you must know... it was actually The Tempest. It was my high school's production, too. And as much as he irritates me, I grew fascinated with Shakespeare's work after that. It even prompted me to do a unit or two in Shakespearean literature and performance during my uni days.'

You allowed yourself to slip back in time a little to those days, that melancholy and fondness finding its way back into your smile, Spencer noticed.

'Outside of Shakespeare though, I'll admit... I was a theatre kid.'

'No way!' Spencer exclaimed. 'You?'

'Why is it so unbelievable that I used to dress up and spout lines that no one really understood?' you asked, but you weren't offended. Simply amused that you seemed to have stunned the (until now) un-stunnable Dr. Spencer Reid.

'Because... it's just so left of field from anyone else in the team.'

'And is that a bad thing?'

'...not at all,' he said after a moment, and then proceeded to drop the matter entirely. Spencer Reid never forgets anything, he couldn't forget, not with his eidetic memory. But he made extra special care to file that little fact about you away for now.

A few days after returning home from wrapping that case up, you came into work to find your coffee already made on your desk, and beside it was an envelope. Curious, you swiftly opened the envelope and gasped with pure surprise at what you found.

'I thought you might like them,' Spencer said as he approached you, his own coffee in hand. 'The ticket vendor said they were the best seats in the house.'

'Oh my God, Spencer!' You couldn't help yourself, you leapt onto the gangly man like a frog and held him tighter than you'd ever hugged someone before, avoiding spilling Spencer's coffee. You were so excited you even smacked a fat, grateful kiss on his unsuspecting cheek before letting him go. 'Tickets to ASC's production of The Tempest?! How did you even get these, I was told they were all gone.'

'Believe it or not, I have connections everywhere,' Spencer answered a bit too vaguely but you didn't care. 'Even in areas that aren't of my particular expertise. I figured you and a friend could go enjoy it before it finishes up.'

'You mean you're not coming?'

Spencer tried not to read into it too much, but he swore he heard a little hiccup in your question, like you were upset. 'W-Well, I, I, uh, didn't want to assume anything. I mean, y-you might want to take JJ, or Emily-

'Spencer.' It was ridiculous how easy he listened when you said his name, how he dropped everything to listen to what you had to say whenever you did. And his heart faltered when he made eye contact with you and saw joy and hope lighting up your eyes. 'Would you like to come to the show with me?'

And it wasn't any wonder, then, that he replied without hesitation, 'Y-Yeah! All right, s-sure. Would love to.'

'Amazing!' Spencer once again had to juggle his coffee and you as you squeezed all the air out of him in another bone-crushing hug. 'Spencer Reid, you have just made my day.'

It was a week later and the night of the performance. You drove yourself and Spencer two and a half hours straight from Quantico down to Staunton to the American Shakespeare Centre, reciting and recalling your favourite Shakespearean moments the whole trip.

Spencer made the extreme effort to look presentable, pulling out a nice suit set, even replacing his usual casual sneakers with some shiny boots. His hair was slicked back out of his face, with only the slightest stubble on his chin and upper lip.

When you picked him up, you said he looked handsome. He never cared much for his appearance, but that comment warmed his heart slightly, made him sit more upright in his seat.

Once you pulled up and got out of the car, he finally saw you in all your glory. A navy blue dress clung to your frame beautifully; kitten heels cradled your feet as you walked up the stairs to the theatre's entrance; your jewellery brought out the (e/c) in your eyes, even further accentuated by your simple makeup and hair.

Spencer has met Nobel price winners, attorney generals, even spoken with the most psychotic people humanity has to offer. And yet there you stood - ethereal, angelic, striking him silent with just your presence.

'You coming, Boy Wonder?'

You'd reached the top the stairs without him moving a muscle. Embarrassed, he tried to cover it up with a cough as he scrambled to catch up with you. 'Boy Wonder? Where did that come from?'

You shrugged playfully as you hooked your arm through his. 'Just seemed appropriate.'

'I'm twenty-seven, (y/n). I'm hardly a boy.'

'Oh, so would you prefer I call you Batman?'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'I didn't know you liked DC comics.'

'There's a lot you still don't know about me, Spencer Reid,' you answered, handing over your tickets to the ticket vendor at the door. 'Like how I've always preferred Robin over Batman, anyway.'

You quickly found your seats, and Spencer tried not to acknowledge how tight-knit the seats were pressed together. His thigh pressed lightly against your own, and he couldn't tell if he hated or liked the feeling that suddenly sprouted in his gut.

It distracted him so much that instead of watching the performance, he looked at you. How you reacted to each sonnet, to the entrance of new characters, to the costuming and the music and emotion that filled the room with every word spoken. He watched it all, your joy, your love. Your heart was on your face, and it struck something new and unexplored inside him.

You cried at one point, and physical touch wasn't his forte, but he intertwined his fingers with yours and gave them a reassuring squeeze that he was there. You'd turned to him briefly and nodded, showing that you understood and that you were grateful.

You didn't let go of his hand for the rest of the show.

'Wow,' you breathed out as you exited the theatre, the performance finally done. 'That was...'

'Yeah. I feel the same,' Spencer finished, his hands shoved into his pockets as they walked down the stairs towards the carpark. His hand still burned from your touch, and that unsure feeling in his gut still remained.

'It was just so... magical.'

'I would say impressive, but magical works too, I guess.'

'Says the guy who still goes trick-or-treating on Halloween and believes in ghosts. Don't tell me you don't believe in the supernatural now.'

'I'm not saying I don't believe. I'm just saying that it's impressive that they were able to make fantastical magic seem slightly realistic.'

You playfully shove him, causing you both to fall into laughter. The two different melodies mixing together made Spencer feel lighter than he'd felt in a while. This was different to when you usually hung out. This time, there was no case, no team, nothing but yourselves to worry about.

'It doesn't matter, anyways,' you said, stopping on the steps suddenly. Spencer went down one more before stopping too. You smiled gratefully at him. It was a cool, autumn night, cool enough that your breath danced like ghosts in front of you as you spoke. 'Thank you, Spence. This was a wonderful night. You didn't have to do this.'

'I know,' he said, and it startled him how quiet and soft his voice was. 'I just... I just wanted you to enjoy the stuff you love. You deserve to enjoy the stuff you love.'

His acute eyes fell to your shoulders and noticed the slight shake in them. 'Here.' He wasted no time pulling his jacket off and wrapping it around your shoulders, pulling it tight to capture the warmth.

You gratefully held onto the jacket, the warmth it captured seeping into your eyes. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer,' you said, your words dancing in between you two.

He was only the step down now, making you two eye level with one another. He was so close he could see himself in your eyes. He wondered if you could see yourself in his.

'Am I?' he asked, his breath mixing with yours.

'Yeah...'

He felt your warmth, and he suddenly decided that he liked the feeling in his gut. The one that had been driving him crazy all night. The one that had an iron grip on his mind, his heart. The one that pulled him closer to you, to your lips.

His eyes were almost closed and his lips almost on yours. You didn't back away - you didn't want to back away you realised. No matter how hard your heart pounded in your chest. No matter if he was your best friend.

So you leaned in too, and you could just feel the stars and planets align as you tasted his breath-

The front of your heel slipped on the edge of the step, sending you flying forwards into Spencer's chest. His reflexes had improved immensely since joining the BAU, and so he managed to grab hold of you and hold himself up before your momentum could send you both tumbling down the remaining stairs.

You both breathed in heavy gulps of air, steadying both your hearts from what could've happened.

'Nice catch,' you said after a moment, loosening your grip on Spencer only a little.

'Thanks.' He didn't know where to look. You, the ground, his surroundings. It all just felt muddled, as if his whole world had been tilted on its axis.

In a sense, it had.

But he felt your gaze, and he couldn't deny your eyes so he looked at you also. You eyes were blown wide, and the slight catch in your breath had him second guessing himself. Maybe he'd read you wrong after all. He'd never been wrong before, but there was always a first time for everything, he figured.

'(Y/n), look, I-'

Before he could attempt to salvage himself, the irritating ring of his phone went off, breaking the glass dome of solitude you'd' forged together with nothing but words and air.

This forced you apart, awkwardly so, as Spencer readjusted you on his step before letting you go completely and fishing his phone out of his pant pocket. He checked the ID caller: Hotch.

He accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear. 'Hotch, what's up?'

'New case,' the unit chief answered without pleasantries. 'I know we're all meant to be off for the weekend but this one is important.'

'Where is it and we'll be there.'

'You're with (Y/n), right? In Staunton?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Head to the local police. We'll meet you there. That's where the case is.'

'Okay. Gotcha.'

Hotch ended the call and then it was just him and you once more. Although instead of the air feeling freeing and warming, Spencer couldn't seem to get enough in his lungs. It was like he was suffocating, having to face you again.

So he slipped into work mode, keeping Hotch's urgency and the new case in the forefront of his mind. 'New case. Here in Staunton. Hotch wants us to head down to the police and meet them there.'

'Right.' You seemed to think the same as him - it's probably why you were best friends to begin with - as the ethereal light in your eyes dimmed with the severity of the new situation. Without another word, you both bee-lined for the car, jumped in, and made your way to the local police station.

But for the rest of the case, Spencer couldn't help but think about that moment with you on the steps. He'd kissed before, of course, even dabbled in flirting despite how little he knew about the craft. He'd never imagined he'd attempt it all on you, however. Not even in his wildest dreams.

He didn't hear your heart-stopping compliment again until it was almost too late.

After the Staunton case, you and Spencer had been... odd. Well, mainly Spencer, as he spoke as little as possible to you during cases, and always offered to go with anyone else but you on certain tasks. He even stopped coming over to yours for movie night each Saturday, claiming each time to be busy or unwell. It was Spencer's only way of ensuring nothing like that night ever happened again.

He convinced himself the moment was fleeting, just a mixture of chemicals in his brain combined with the adrenaline of being with a beautiful women he very much admired that made him read the signs wrong. You were friends, that was all you were, and all he would ever allow you to be.

This went on for three months.

And you were miserable.

Emily, JJ and Penelope recognised the change in your demeanour at work first, and when they found out the reason behind it, they slapped Spencer upside the head on their way out of the office one Friday afternoon and took you with them, promising a wonderful night out on the town.

That night, to Spencer's eventual annoyance, you'd met someone. A charming young firefighter named Riley who lived in Washington DC and was just in town to see family.

That night, you hooked up. And the next morning, he asked you on a date. That date led to another, then more. You were on your way to another one tonight when you got a phone call from JJ saying they found the latest unsub's house and were planning a raid on it.

Spencer knew you were on a date when he also got the phone call to come along. Despite his distance (by his own choice, he always had to remind himself), he kept tabs on you, checked in on you via others. And while the girls of the team were awfully mad at him, they always answered him when he asked how you were doing.

'You know, for a genius, you really are quite stupid,' JJ told him when he asked about you.

He quirked his eyebrow, genuinely confused. 'I'm sorry?'

'She's heartbroken,' Penelope added. 'Her best friend just gives her the silent treatment out of nowhere after what sounded like a magical night at the theatre. Who wouldn't be upset by that, Reid?'

'I just,' he paused, rallying his thoughts into words that couldn't quite describe how he felt. 'It's complicated.'

'Love shouldn't be complicated, Reid,' Emily interjected, a soft but sad smile gracing her painted lips.

Spencer swallowed thickly at that. 'W-What do you mean?'

Derek finished making his coffee and took a sip of it before answering. 'We all see it, Reid. You don't have to deny anymore how you feel.'

'I'm not denying anything, Morgan.'

'Maybe not to us,' Derek continued. 'But you are definitely denying it to yourself. All I can say is don't wait until it's too late. She's already slipping away.'

That's when Spencer found out about your dates with Riley, and an ugly, selfish, hurt part of him wanted to scream with anger. Mainly at himself, but the damage was done and he had to get over you.

But when you showed up to the unsub's home, your FBI bullet-proof vest on and mascara slightly smeared under your eyes, he was beyond confused. And concerned.

'You're here,' he stated matter-of-factly.

'You sound surprised,' you answered stiffly, loading your gun without even glancing at him.

'To be honest, yeah. JJ and the rest all said you were out tonight. I figured you-'

'What? That I would ignore the call because I had something personal planned?' You finally looked up at him, and man did your cold stare pierce him like an arrow. 'This is my job, Spence. I knew, same as you and everyone else, that I would have to make some sacrifices to do it. So please, don't think so little of me just because I attempted to have a life outside of it.'

He grew more concerned at your choice of words. 'Attempted?' he asked, but then he looked closely at your smeared mascara, at the redness circling your eyes. Like you'd been crying-

'Don't worry about it,' you muttered, brushing past him to meet up with the team. 'You haven't for about four months now.'

Spencer tried to ignore the sting your words brought with them as he followed you to the rest of the team, forcing himself to put the case in front of you. But he'd done that for the past four months as you had so brightly pointed out, and look where it had landed him.

'Now remember,' Hotch started, bringing the team and some other officers in to brief, 'this unsub may use this place as his base to build his bombs, but don't discredit the idea that he wouldn't blow it up to save himself. Tread carefully but be vigilant, he is in the house somewhere. Now move.'

Spencer followed you into the house through the front door, gun and flashlight at the ready. All that could be heard were the soft but swift patter of footsteps as the FBI and local police ran in. The lights were on, but no unsub.

You were silently directed by Hotch to investigate the back end of the house, to which Spencer and Derek followed. You focussed on maintaining your breathing as you tried not to think about your date, Spencer, your heart thrashing in your ribcage. Only the unsub mattered.

The three of you broke into the last room of the house, the laundry. Upon entry, you spotted him, the unsub, running out the back door into the backyard.

'Hey!' you called out, immediately breaking into a sprint after him. You broke out of the laundry onto a cemented path towards a clothes line, chasing after him towards the fence line. But as you stepped off the path and onto the grass, something gave way beneath your feet, followed by a resounding click that had your freezing with fear.

'(L/n), keep going!' Derek shouted from somewhere behind you.

'Hold up!' you cried, throwing an arm back behind you. 'I think the yard is full of bombs.'

'Well, let's go around the front and get him in the back streets, come on!'

'I can't,' you replied back, slightly breathless from running, but also from the fear constricting now your airways.

'Why?' You didn't have to see him to know it was Spencer, concern dripping from just one word.

'Because I'm standing on one.'

Spencer knew it was physically impossible, but he was sure his stomach just dropped out of him and onto the bomb-littered grass around them. This was bad. Like very very bad.

'Shit,' Derek breathed out before bringing his wrist up to his mouth. 'Hotch, the unsub got away over the back fence, send some men to intercept him two blocks north from here.'

'Got it,' Hotch answered efficiently.

'And send the bomb squad out here. Yard is like a mine field and (L/n) is standing on one.'

After that, it didn't take long for the rest of the team to run outside, making extra careful to stand only on the pavements as they got as close to you as they could. Spencer stood the closest, standing directly in front of you as the bomb squad swept the yard for the rest of them.

'I've got some good news and some bad news,' one member of the bomb squad said as she came up to the team. 'Good news is it's the only bomb in the yard.'

'And I just managed to find it. Super,' you muttered, your tone shaky although the intention was to lighten the mood.

'Bad news is it's a pressure-triggered bomb, meaning that if you move even a fraction it'll go off. Also, by stepping on it, you've set of a timer until it explodes. The only way to disarm it seems to be a code of some kind.'

'How long do we have?' Spencer asked, not bothering to mask his desperation. This couldn't be happening. Of all the people, it had to be you.

'Six hours now,' she said grimly. 'My team and I will do everything we can to dismantle it and shut it off manually, but it's built quite strong so it'll be tough to crack open without setting it off. Your best bet will be to get an answer from your bomber.'

'Uniforms just called in,' Rossi said. 'They're bringing him in now.'

'Good,' Hotch said with a ferocity that would send most people running for the hills. 'He's gonna give us that code one way or another.' He turned to you, determination blazing in his eyes. 'Hang tight, (Y/n). We're gonna get you off that thing.'

'I'll hold you to that,' you joked, and you were grateful to receive a soft smile in return from Hotch and the rest of the team. Except for Spencer, he couldn't find it in himself to smile. He could barely think no thanks to your dangerous position.

'I'll stay with (Y/n),' Spencer said, his voice strained compared to his usual calmness.

'Reid,' Derek started, 'you're our best bet to crack open this guy. If we find something-'

'Then I'll have my phone ready to pick up. I'm not leaving her.'

It surprised you the strength you heard hidden underneath his fear. It was there in his eyes too, blazing like Hotch's, except with more warmth, more determination.

Derek looked to Hotch, and Hotch just nodded. 'Okay fine, but you better pick up on the first ring.'

'Promise.'

'I'll stay to help with the bomb squad,' Emily said while also looking at you.

'No,' you said as Hotch, Derek and JJ left. 'You all should go. In case he somehow remotely sets it off himself.'

'We're not leaving,' Reid said firmly, making eye contact with you. 'Not until you're off that bomb, you hear me?'

You wanted to argue, trying to be selfless and strong. But the truth was you were terrified, and to hear Spencer's strength where you lacked helped you push your pride aside and nod in agreement.

Time had flown by and it was now the last ten minutes. Spencer had received phone call after phone call but nothing had been helpful. They'd tried two potential codes already but they didn't work. The bomb squad quickly realised that they only had three chances to get the code right and so they were down to the last chance.

'You guys should really leave,' you said amidst your chattering teeth. It was now just after midnight and your thin button up and the bulletproof vest were not cutting it anymore. Spencer wished he could give you a blanket, a jacket, his own shirt for God's sake if it would keep you warm slightly.

'That's not going to happen,' he answered without hesitation.

You yawned, eyes threatening to droop close. Your legs had gone numb long ago. You were unsure how you were holding yourself up. It certainly wasn't by adrenaline. Perhaps you were frozen in place.

'I mean it, Spence,' you said, bracing yourself as another shiver threatened to spasm your entire body. 'It's the last ten minutes. You should be clear in case it goes off.'

'I'm not going to do that.'

'Damnit, Spencer. Of all the times to be stubborn, you choose now?'

'I'm not being stubborn,' Spencer argued. Were you purposefully trying to tick him off now? 'I'm trying to save your life!'

'You're right, you're not being stubborn. You're being plain stupid,' you retorted. You weren't sure why you were suddenly so angry, you just didn't like him playing the hero when he didn't have to.

'Yes! I am stupid, I admit that. I'll announce that to the entire neighbourhood right now if you want me to! Because if it weren't for me being an idiot, you wouldn't have had those dates, you wouldn't have had a date tonight, and maybe you wouldn't be stuck standing on a bomb right now!'

You stared incredulously at Spencer. He blamed himself for your situation? For Riley?

Despite the bustling of people around them, everything grew silent as youO stared at one another, Spencer's chest heaving as he sucked in air hard.

'Spence,' you said softly, your anger suddenly dissipating. 'I don't blame you for any of this. I would've ended up on this bomb one way or another. Or even worse, it could've been you standing on it. And as for Riley...' You thought the tears would come up again like before, but your eyes remained dry, and your heart didn't pull harshly.

Not for Riley, anyways.

'Did something happen between you two?' Spencer tentatively asked. His tone bordered on concerned and hopeful, demonstrating his torn mindset to whatever you were about to say.

You nodded. 'I told him I had to go to work, which wasn't unusual, but he just flipped. Said he was sick of me choosing you guys over him and that he was finished.'

He hated himself for feeling the slightest bit happy at the news, but his best friend instincts kicked in, and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you. 'I'm sorry. You could've said no. We would've understood-'

'Spencer, I will always choose you guys over anyone,' you interjected, and the complete seriousness on your face reflected your sincerity brighter than the full moon above. 'I will always choose you, Spence.'

It was then Spencer saw it: the same feeling he'd had swirling in his stomach for months reflected in your eyes. It scared him, but what scared him more was that it would all be gone soon if he didn't do anything about it.

He would be too late, just like Derek said.

The bomb squad lady and Emily walked up to them both, and Spencer did not like the grim expressions on their faces.

'I'm sorry,' the bomb squad lady said. 'It's the last five minutes. There's nothing else we can do but clear out of the blast zone.'

'What about the code?' Spencer pressed, but Emily shook her head.

'Reid, they've gotten nothing out of him. We've got to go.'

'But we can't just leave her here-'

'Trust me, Spencer, I don't want to either!' Emily cried, tears pricking at her eyes at the thought of you dying. 'But we can't do anything for her here. I've got the remote to input the code if they get another one, but until then, we've got to clear from the blast zone.'

'No.' Spencer shook his head vigourously. He couldn't accept this. He wouldn't accept this.

'Spencer,' you tried gently. 'It's okay. I can do the rest alone. I want you to be safe.'

'Well, too bad, because I'm staying.'

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears rushed down your cheeks. 'Damnit, Spencer. Please, just go. Don't make this harder than it already is.'

Spencer took a daring step towards you, the tops of his shoes dangling just over the edge of the pavement. 'I won't abandon you. Not again.'

You were most likely a blubbering mess, your heart hurting so much at the thought that he would get caught up in your mess. 'God, why don't you just leave-'

'Because I love you, (Y/n)!'

The four of you stood dumbfounded as his proclamation echoed through the yard, the house, the street back out the front. Hell, Spencer hoped the whole world heard what he said, because he felt free for the first time in months, weightless, powerful.

And it was all because of you.

'I love you,' he repeated again, softer this time. As the reality of the situation came crashing down on him, tears of his own sprouted in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He'd finally built up the courage to tell you, and you were minutes away from being blown up.

Through your tears, you find it in yourself to chuckle a little. It's watery and gross-sounding, but Spencer likes it none the less because it's yours, and you haven't lost complete hope. 'Talk about great timing, you big idiot.' And then there it is, that bright smile he saw day one in the office. You wore it with such pride, such strength it pulled at Spencer's heart strings painfully. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer Reid.'

'One minute,' the bomb squad lady said, her tone frantic now. 'We've got to move! Now!'

'Reid, come on!' Emily cried, backing up with the bomb squad.

'I won't abandon her,' he replied, never taking his eyes off you.

'Reid please!'

Before he could reply, though, his phone buzzed, and he immediately answered the call. 'Please tell me you go it.'

'HOME! The code word is HOME!'

'Punch in HOME!' Reid called out to Emily, keeping Derek on the line as he stared at you. If you were to die, he was gonna make damn sure the last thing you saw wasn't an unfamiliar face.

'Are you sure?'

'We're out of time! Do it!'

'Spence...' you muttered. But you never finished your sentence, as your breath got caught while watching Emily punch in the code into the device. You closed your eyes. Soon you would be in eternal darkness. You would not fear it, but embrace it.

But when nothing happened, you dared to sneak a peek at what was going on. You saw Spencer first, who looked at Emily, who looked at the device in her hands. The deathly silence was finally broken at the sound of a green light on the device switching on. You then heard a hundred tiny clicks somewhere underfoot and felt yourself being pushed up back onto level ground.

Spencer finally looked back to you, eyes blown wide with hope he dared not realise. That same hope fuelled your frozen, tired legs, to take the tiniest of steps forward, and when nothing happened, you took your other foot off the bomb and collapsed forward into Spencer's arms.

His heart pounded faster than the jet that flew them all over the country every week as he cradled you simultaneously gently and tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your arms circling around his back and pulling him as tight as possible.

Oh, how he had missed your touch, your affection, your love, you.

'It's okay, you're okay,' he soothed, patting your hair down with one hand while he cradled you with the other. 'I'm here. We're all here.' He realised suddenly he'd dropped his phone, and so with one hand, he reached down and picked it up, bringing it to his ear. 'She's off.'

He barely heard the cheers of excitement and relief on Derek's end before he was hanging up and helping you to your feet. After that, it was a whirlwind of the bomb squad excavating the bomb, paramedics arriving, and CSU investigating the house.

After giving his statement of events to the local police and finishing speaking to other officials, he found you wrapped in a trauma blanket in the open back of an ambulance.

'How are you feeling?' he said as he approached you.

You broke free of your own world to look at Spencer, and a soft smile managed its way onto your lips. 'Well, I can feel my legs again so that's a start. And you?'

'All the better now that you're not standing on a bomb.'

You chuckled, though a red tinge dusted your cheeks out of embarrassment. 'I must admit, it's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes the moment before you die.'

'Really? What did you see?' Spencer had read articles about this kind of stuff before, but had never spoken with a person who'd experience it themselves.

You didn't answer straight away, instead standing up to face him fully. Your legs felt like jelly a little but you stood strong. 'I saw you,' you replied easily, as if breathing air. 'Only you.'

Spencer couldn't hold it back, his fear, his relief. It all came bubbling out in an ugly sob as he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, pressing his face into your hair, using your scent to calm himself. He felt you sobbing too, how your body shook with your own anxieties.

'I missed you,' you said, your words muffled into his chest.

'I know, I'm sorry,' he murmured. 'I missed you, too.' He pulled you back slightly so that he could see your face. He wiped at your tears and forced his best smile just for you. 'But I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. That is... if you want me around.'

You heard his silent question, and it made you smile how confident and shy he could be simultaneously.

'Spencer Reid,' you murmured, like what you were about to say next was your biggest secret, 'of course I want you around. I love you.'

He chuckled with relief, tears still pricking at his eyes. But your words sealed your fate, as he used his small amount of confidence to grab the back of your neck gently and pull your lips to his.

You were the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and dare he compare you the most addictive drug he could ever hope to get high on. He couldn't get enough of you, and it was such a relief to finally let it out how much he needed you to breathe.

You were equally breathless, simultaneously feeling all consumed by Spencer's love without also having enough of it. Your fingers danced in the soft curls at the nape of his neck, threading yourself into him as much as possible. The truth was, the past four months were torturous.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

As you both finally broke apart, you pressed your foreheads together, nervous giggles of teenagers bubbling up in you both. This was fresh and new, but the love you had for one another had been there all along. No one was going anywhere.

'Finally!'

You and Spencer looked up to see the rest of the team watching from afar, with Emily and JJ smiling giddily, Derek and Rossi trying to suppress laughter, and Hotch having the simplest of grins on his lips.

'Oh, babygirl is going to have a field day when she hears about this,' Derek said, walking up to clap Spencer on the back and give him a hug. 'Well done, man.'

'It's about time,' Rossi said as the rest of the team joined you both. 'I thought I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.'

'Thank God you didn't,' Emily said, both her and JJ giving you a hug. 'As much as this has been traumatic for all of us, I'm so glad it brought you back together.'

'Say that to my poor legs,' you whined, but you hugged them just as tight. Truthfully, you felt the same. And as Reid held you in his arms that night, having refused to let you out of his sight after your brush with death, you couldn't be more grateful for it, too.

Your wedding was the next major point in his life that your words had impact.

The past five years leading up to your engagement had been some of the best and challenging in your life. There'd been many more close calls on both your lives since then - kidnappings, hostage situations, deadly viruses, the works. Even some romantic challenges that came in the form of other men and women.

But your bond ran deeper than superficial, petty spiffs. You always found your way back to one another, no matter how dark the road got. It was even on such a dark case that saw both you and Spencer on death row that he asked you. You'd both been captured and locked in a shipping container filled with no gaps for air and no way out. Before that, you'd copped a beating from your capture, forcing Spencer to watch all the while. Truthfully, it hadn't looked good, and that's why Spencer did it.

'What?' you asked deliriously, barely able to see straight no thanks to the lack of oxygen.

'I was planning on asking you... after this case,' Spencer admitted, his face mere centimetres from yours as he held you in a tight hug. He was breathless, running out of air and time it seemed. He had to do it now. 'Had it all planned out... We would go to that place on the hill we go to... a picnic all set out... and just as the sun would set, I'd ask you... and give you this.'

You would've gasped if you'd had enough air to do so, in utter shock to see Spencer pull out a simple gold band with a diamond embedded in it from in his pant pocket.

'I've had this for months... waiting for the... right time,' he managed to get out. 'It's my mothers. When I told her I wanted to marry you... she didn't even hesitate to give it to me.'

You were both weak, but he softly picked your left hand up and looked you dead in the eye. 'This might be it for us, but it also might not. Either way, I want to be yours for whatever time we have left. So, (Y/n) (L/n)... will you marry me?'

The tears that trekked down your face actually cleared your vision enough to see Spencer's smile clearly as you answered, 'Yes. I will marry you.'

Either some higher being was looking out for you that day, or your team was just really good at their job (Spencer never doubted them for a moment), but the team found you both in time, both unconscious and barely breathing, but hand in hand, with yours suddenly bejewelled.

Since then it had been a flurry of work and wedding arrangements and stress over the next seven months. Many speculated you were pregnant and that's why you and Spencer rushed the wedding. The truth was you just didn't want to wait any longer than you had to, not being in your line of work. Any day could be your last, so why waste it.

Spencer messed with the tie of his navy blue suit for the hundredth time as he stood waiting under the arch of flowers in the backyard of Rossi's mansion for you. He wasn't nervous, just... ansty, like he had ants in his pants and wanted to get out of them as soon as possible. But he couldn't deny he was just as excited for this day as you were. All of your friends and family dressed up, no case, no killer, nothing but what dessert they were going to have at the reception to worry about.

'Hey pretty boy,' Derek said, coming up behind him and clapping a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 'Stop messing with it. You look fine.'

'I know, I just...' Spencer couldn't put into words what he was feeling, not as he stared at his good friend - his best man. Even though Derek had left the BAU, Spencer and him still spoke regularly, and he was more than happy to be there for his best bud at arguably the most important day of his life.

Derek smiled knowingly, straightening Spencer's tie because that's what the best man did for the groom. 'She loves you, Spencer. You've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm not worried. I just...' He felt the tears already coming on and he hadn't even seen you yet. You were probably even more gorgeous than you already were. God he couldn't wait to marry you.

'I get it, man,' Derek said, and then the piano started playing a soft, whimsical tune that was so you and he stepped back into place. 'Show time, pretty boy.'

Spencer straightened himself up, told himself to hold the tears back. This was not a sad day, but a joyous one. But his breath was stolen the moment the doors of Rossi's mansion opened, after Emily, JJ and Penelope walked through, and you walked out into the backyard on your father's arm.

Your gown was simple, accentuating your body like the goddess you were. Your (h/c) locks were styled to perfection, hidden barely by the thin veil that fell like morning mist over your face. You held your favourite flowers in your hands, the glint of your engagement ring shining as bright as the sun that shone upon the whole ceremony.

By the time you reached him, Spencer was about ready to rip your veil off, kiss the living daylights out of you and runaway. But he resisted, instead waiting patiently for your dad to flip your veil up, and for you to hand over your bouquet to JJ, your maid of honour. When you finally turned to face him, he could've cried. You were so beautiful. And we was marrying you today.

You reached out to him, and he was more than glad to clasp your hands at last.

'Hi,' you whispered, a nervous but excited smile twitching your lips.

'Hi,' he whispered back, the threat of tears burning the back of his eyes again. 'You are gorgeous.'

'Thanks. You look handsome.'

'It's a wonder what a whole eight hours sleep and showering more than once a week can do.'

He was so glad to hear your laugh. It calmed his nerves, and apparently yours calmed too, as your hands no longer shook in his.

'All right, everyone,' Rossi started, stepping up to minister the ceremony. 'Let's get this started.'

The boring, ceremonious stuff went by quickly and soon you were reciting your vows. You'd both wanted to write your own vows for each other - agreeing that the usual script was not enough to express your love for one another, and what you would do to protect that love.

Reid went first.

'(Y/n),' he began, staring you straight in your eyes. He'd written his speech over and over again, but once he found the right words, it only took him a matter of seconds to memorise them. Forever. 'I've always been told I was different. Gifted, special. Being different helped me get this job, this family-' he turned to his friends, who watched them with bright smiles and teary eyes. 'But it also got me in trouble, held me back from experiencing... normal things like friendship, even love. So much so, that I started to believe... I was unworthy of love.'

You squeezed his hands, hearing the stutter in his words, the built up emotion that threatened to consume him. He gratefully squeezed back, grateful to know he was not alone, that he would never be alone from this day forth.

'But from the day I met you, you've shown me that I can be myself and be worthy of love. Theoretically, we shouldn't work. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that people from different backgrounds, with different interests and completely different personality traits are less likely to feel attracted to one another than people with similar backgrounds, interests and personalities.'

'Come on, Reid. You really want people to sleep through your wedding?' Derek asked, prompting you and the rest of the guests to burst into laughter.

'I have a point,' he countered, and waited for the laughter to die down before resuming his vows. 'And while I usually rely on statistics and facts to make informed decisions about my life, from the day that I met you, you turned my entire world upside, inside out... and I didn't care. Because despite knowing almost everything there is to know about, well, everything, you are the one thing that has and always will make sense to me.'

He saw you trying to hold back tears, so he let go of one of your hands to caress your cheek where some tears rolled down. He swiped them away gently with his thumb without ruining your makeup, the most handsome, beautiful smile you'd ever seen on his lips.

'I love you, (Y/n) (L/n). I have loved you since we first met, at every case, at every movie night, every time you made me coffee. I love how you find the light amidst the darkness, how you give yourself completely to everyone you meet. I love the crinkle in your forehead every time you get mad at me. I love all of you, and I don't have to promise you that I will stay by your side through it all for the rest of our lives. You have had me since day one, and that will never change, even in death. But before that final day comes, I look forward to making the most of what time we have left loving you.'

The guests clapped so loudly that he almost didn't hear your soft sobs. But he did, and he pulled you into a quick hug before you pulled yourself away.

'Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss you,' you admitted quietly to him, bringing laughter out of him. But you quickly pulled your self away, using your free hand to grab an A4-sized piece of paper from JJ and return to face Spencer.

'Unfortunately, I don't have an eidetic memory so I will be using some assistance for this next bit,' you joked, stopping your flow of tears briefly as everyone chuckled, appreciative for the break in overwhelming emotions. Spencer breathed in deeply, steadying his heartbeat as much as possible. His part was done, but he knew this next part would be the hardest to retain composure.

'Spencer,' you began, one hand shakily holding your vows, while the other gripped onto Spencer like your life depended on it. In a sense, after today, it would. 'From the moment I first met you, I knew you were special. That you would leave a mark on my life in one form or another. Some sad part of me sometimes thought it would be when you inevitably shot yourself because you couldn't pass your marksman test after three goes-' Cue Spencer looking to Hotch apologetically while the rest of the guests laughed. '-or because, in our line of work, any day could be our last, and I wouldn't rule out any psychopaths intervening with that. However, despite it all, you're still here, and I couldn't be more thankful that you are. You amaze me everyday, Spencer - with your knowledge of the world, your intellectual insight, how you are almost incapable of growing any substantial amount of facial hair.'

You were glad people were laughing now, because what you were about to say next was going to take all your composure not to fall apart.

'But it is your heart and your ability to connect with people that has captured me completely. Our story has been... unconventional, to put it plainly. We were colleagues first, then friends, then you became my best friend, and I thought I couldn't be happier than that. But maybe it has something to do with some chemicals in the brain that are stimulated when you hang around someone you admire and adore long enough - you know, science stuff - or fate. I don't necessarily believe in either, but I do believe in us, Spencer. I believe that we are two souls choosing to become one for the rest of our lives; I believe you are my person, and the one I choose to face each and everyday with; I believe we haven't overcome all that we have for nothing; and I am not the least bit surprised it took nearly getting blown up to admit how I truly feel about you.'

Spencer couldn't care that what you said about brain chemicals was technically incorrect, it was so you, and there was not a dry eye in the backyard as you looked up at him finally, sheet long forgotten, and (e/c) eyes shining bright with tears and love.

'I love you, Spencer Reid,' you said breathlessly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. 'You have experienced the worst of humanity over and over again, and yet here you stand with me, smiling, happy, choosing to believe in happy endings. You are a wonder - my wonder - and I can't wait to spend everyday from now loving you, and being wowed by you. From now... until I cannot breathe, and even then beyond.'

You gave the paper back to JJ, then returned your full attention to Spencer. It was like it was only you two, the clapping from your guests dulled as well as Rossi's final words. But Spencer didn't miss a beat when he heard him say, 'By the power vested in me and my online-approved minister credentials, I pronounce you husband and wife. Go on kids, you've earned it.'

Spencer swooped you into the sweetest, loving kiss he could muster, gently cradling your neck and cheeks as your lips met in a soft collision. It wasn't lustful (that would certainly come later), but it was consuming, like two forces being pulled together by a magnet. You were separate entities choosing to become one, and it made you smile through your kiss and for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening.

You both partied with your family and friends, but you always managed to find your way back to one another despite the chaos. He now cradled you gently as you swayed together on the dance floor, fatigue settling in. You held each other up as you did, content to just be with each other in the final moments of your special day. Emily, your new section chief, had ordered you both take two weeks off to celebrate your honey moon. Because God knew when the next time you'd be able to relax would be when you both came back to work.

You shifted in his arms, manoeuvring yourself to look up at him, a delirious, tired and happy smile adorning your pretty lips. 'I love you, Spencer Reid.'

He leaned in for a brief but loving kiss before saying, 'I love you, (Y/n) Reid.'

Something about how his last named paired with your first name sounded that warmed him inside. The same feeling lit up in your eyes, but maybe that was just the happy tears that formed there, too.

'We're the Reids now,' you whispered in disbelief, probably due to the amount of alcohol you had consumed throughout the day. 'You're my husband!'

'Yes I am,' he murmured, pulling you back to his chest to lay your head. 'Forever and always.'

The last time he heard you say those special words was the day you said goodbye.

It wasn't until you fell pregnant with your first child that you found a proper house to live in. You'd been content with the studio apartment you'd found and moved into one year into your relationship, but when you fell pregnant, Spencer knew you would need a bigger space. One that you could call your own and make a home out of.

Your forever home.

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken long to find something: a nice rustic, two-storey house on the outskirts of DC. It was in a nice neighbourhood , far enough out of the city to be quiet, but close enough you could both get to work quick enough in case of an emergency. The moment you'd laid eyes on it, you fell in love with it, and Spencer knew without question this would be where you brought your family up.

He traipsed through the house with two cups of tea. Coffee had started to disagree with him after he quit the BAU, as if that were the only place he needed it. Teaching and guest lecturing at all the local universities was nowhere near the stress level of the BAU, and so he'd switched to tea. Somehow, in his (as he called it) pre-retirement, it tasted sweeter.

You had stepped down from being a profiler at the BAU after your third child was born, realising that with a four and two year old waiting outside the birth suite to meet their baby brother, you couldn't risk leaving your three babies without a mother. And while leaving the BAU, your home of close to twenty years, wrought a grief out of you that was close to unbearable, you knew it was the right decision and right time.

And you soon found a love for writing - fiction, non-fiction, poetry, it didn't matter. What you'd experienced in your career as a profiler had changed you, and sometimes writing it out made it less haunting, it gave you closure. You went on book tours, consulted on scholarly and literary journals, you even were brought into Spencer's classrooms to guest lecture from time to time.

All the while building and loving the family both of you had always dreamed of.

Spencer smiled at the dusty pictures that lined the walls, of the faces of his children and grandchildren smiling back him. Of the faces of friends old and new, of ghosts he used to know from a time long gone. Sometimes he hardly recognised himself in those pictures. He wasn't the vain type, but when he looked at himself in his 20's and 30's, he couldn't help the yearning that pulled at his heart when he did.

He compared those youthful pictures against his present day, laughing at the barely existent grey stubble he now sported, of the white hair that curled and stood up in any and all directions, of the glasses he now permanently had to wear. You always said he looked sexier with glasses, anyways, so he didn't mind.

Those pictures were his memory, his legacy, his life. When he felt his brain burning, when his memory became a bit too fuzzy, he could always look at the pictures and find solace in how those moments would live on in the people he loved.

'Spence?'

Your voice prompted him to keep moving, to let go of the past and remain in the present. He wandered through the rest of the house to the backyard, where two garden chairs sat either side of a coffee table, looking over the yard. The gardens were filled with flowers of all shapes and colours. He wasn't a nature guy by any means, but Spencer wanted you to have something to look after other than him or the children, something you could be proud of when you were much older. So he'd planted it himself (okay, he needed help from Derek), filling it with flowers that expressed all the wonderful qualities he loved about you.

There was a small gardening shed in the back, a quaint barbecue/entertainment area to one side, and a build-your-own playground just sitting on the lawn. He found you sitting comfortably in one of the chairs, staring out at the yard contently. He placed both cups of tea on the table before taking his own seat in the other chair.

'Do you remember how Jason used to carry Diana on his back up the slide?' you asked gently, a fond smile cracking your dry lips at the memory of your children playing on the very same playground their children now played on when they visited. 'You always got so scared they would fall and hurt themselves.'

'Isn't that our job?' he asked, taking a sip of his tea. 'To worry for our children?'

'You didn't have to be a helicopter parent, though,' you jibed playfully. 'You got better when Aaron was old enough to climb himself, so I can't berate you for that.'

'Speaking of which, Aaron just called, said him, Rachel and the kids want to invites us to dinner on Friday.'

You turned and smiled at him, but he saw how tired you were. It was in the slight droop in your lips when you smiled, it was in the slouch of your shoulders, it was the way you held out your hand for him to grasp and you could barely squeeze him back. You'd been like this for days, and it broke Spencer's heart to see the love of his life slowly fade away right beside him. He knew it was a natural way of life - considering their previous occupations, he was grateful to be even given the chance to grow old with you.

But despite natural law and despite his many blessings, it didn't dull the ache that grew more painful everyday.

'You don't have to be here, Spence,' you said, voice barely above a whisper, like it was just a secret only you two shared. 'You've seen enough death already.'

Spencer placed his cup on the table before getting out of his chair (a feat he struggled withe everyday now, his BAU days finally catching up to him) and walking around to your side, bringing both his hands to clasp yours as he knelt beside you.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said, willing every ounce of sincerity and love into his words, into his hands as he held your frail ones. 'Forever and always, remember?'

Spencer almost broke down when your eyes locked with his, those shining (e/c) orbs sparkling with life and mischief and wonder. Despite what time had done to you, you were still his (Y/n), his best friend, his partner, his lover and saviour.

You nodded as if to say yes, I do remember. I always will. You pull one hand free of his grip, and use it to cradle his wrinkled cheeks. 'We've lived a good life, haven't we, Spence?'

He pulled one hand away to caress your hand on his cheek, holding it there for as long as he could. 'Yes. Yes we have.'

Your eyes scanned over him, suddenly seeing your life in rewind.

You saw him as he was now, white, Einstein hair, wrinkled skin and glasses. Then with only little streaks of white in his hair, more sleek. That's how he was with the kids. You kept going back, to your wedding, to your engagement, to the first time you kissed. Every movie night, every case, every late night in the office. Until you were seeing him as if for the first time. Kind of dorky, kind of sweet, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed to explain to you how his "physics magic" worked that very first day in the office.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time as well, as you smiled your bright smile like you did on that first day. The smile you had smiled for him every day since. The smile he saw in your children, and then your grandchildren.

'You are a true wonder, Spence,' you whispered softly, using what little strength you had left to squeeze the hand that still clasped yours as if to say thank you. 'My wonder.'

He waited for the lump in his throat to form, for the words to get stuck in his throat like they always did before. But the lump never formed, and so the words flowed like water out of him, finally feeling right.

'And you are mine,' he whispered back, smiling as bright as he could for you as he held you. 'You always have been my wonder.'

You bring his lips to yours one last time before dropping your hand from his face and sitting back in your seat, looking more tired than you'd ever been. But your other hand still held his, and he certainly wasn't going to let you go. Not yet.

'Spence,' you wheezed, eyes struggling to stay open on him.

Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, using his now free hand to stroke your grey hair in soothing motions. 'It's okay. You can rest now. I'll join you soon enough.'

The slight dip of your chin let him know you understood, and soon after you closed your eyes, your hand grew slack in his hold and your chest ceased rising.

You were gone.

And he was still here.

It was only then did Spencer allow the tears to fall, to acknowledge that despite both of your acceptances, he was sad. You'd lived good, long lives, and even then Spencer believed it was not enough time to love all of you. He knew it was selfish, but he figured after all he'd been through he would be allowed this one wish.

He held you for another hour before he called your children to notify them of your passing.

He held on for another year before he joined you. Cause of death: a broken heart.

He was buried beside you in the family lot, and on your joint headstone, it wrote:

Here lies Dr. Spencer Reid and Mrs. (Y/n) Reid. Loving Husband and Wife and Parents. "You truly are a wonder."

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thepradapariah · 2 years

Text

Mercury 🌬. Your Love Language 🖤. How Do You Flirt 🙈🙊?

TO MY KOSMIC BADDIES & SPACE KADETS 🚀 !!!!

Hello to all the Kosmic Baddies & Space Kadets! I have missed y’all SO friggin much…you have ZERO idea! (Just FYI: I have Ketu in the 10H— Rahu in the 4H…if y’know, y’know…lol. Consistency will NEVER be my strong suit.) But I am SO happy to be back. I hope you enjoy this post. As usual, shoutout to my sister— she encouraged me to get back on the horse! And THANK YOU to all the people who have subscribed to my page. It has been really moving to see all of you that have interacted & sent such positive feedback. I appreciate you more than you could ever know! I’m in the process of growing, and I want you all to know here & now, you are some of my DAY ONES, so be excited for ALL of the things I have in store for you! If you don’t already, please consider following me on my other social media.

✨Instagram: @thepradapariah

@thewiiikedwitchofthewest

✨YouTube: Kosmostrology

I would love to have you be a part of an already active & engaging community!

✨INTRODUCTION:

ANYWAYS, I wanted to start off with something fun & light! As we officially move into Spooky Season— I couldn’t think of a better time to sharpen the witchy sexiness within us all. We will be looking at the Mercury placement in your natal chart & how it influences your flirtation style, while also exploring the pros/cons of each. It’s IMPORTANT to note, that Mercury is neutral & so other placements matter with how this can manifest in your life. Are you more aggressive & upfront? Or are you a hopeless romantic, imagining your lover rather than speaking to them…hoping they will notice you through telepathic signals?…WE SHALL SEE!!!

Love Languages are very important for a deeper understanding of how you receive & give love. This is NOT a definitive list, by any means, but I wanted to use the Zodiac to highlight different love languages that you MAY resonate with. This post will hopefully be a tool for you on your journey of self-discovery though dating! And this could be a good place to start OR a fresh perspective on stale dating situations.

✨Definitions:

Mercury:

Mercury, known as Budh in Vedic astrology, is the prince of planets and governs your abilities of speech, reasoning, and communication, as well as your digestive system, nervous system, and skin. It’s a neutral planet whose effects on your life depend on the alignment of the other planets in your horoscope [wikihow]

Flirting:

(to) behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. [Oxford Language]

Love Language:

Our "love language" describes how we [give]/receive love from others.

They are:

Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner

Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner

Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them

Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner

Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner

Each of us differs in the ways that we receive love. By learning to give love in the ways that our partner can best receive it, and by asking our partner to give us love in the ways that we can receive it, we can create stronger relationships.

[psychologytoday.com]

✨HOW TO READ:

You can read for your Zodiac Sign & House Placement!

— In this case, one might resonate more than the other! So I encourage you read for both placements!

If you’re feeling a little frisky, you can also read for your Venus placement because we are talking about “love”/relationships/dating

🌹ON WITH THE SHOW:

🌬Mercury in Aries/First House

Tarot Card: Page of Wands

If you have Mercury in Aries/1H, then you are a “get it how you live it” type b*tch! When it comes to flirting, shy is NOT the first word that comes to mind. You like to be upfront with your partners & can’t stand someone who beats around the bush. You ARE the bush. A burning bush…to be exact. (S/o to you if you get the reference.) You are a playful lover & have an optimistic & sometimes naive approach to dating— this can make you a very childlike flirt. Being ruled by Mars, you are extremely reactionary. You are the definition of picking up what someone else is putting down— As you get older, you will grow into initiating more, but you will ALWAYS be down for a fun, banter with someone you are interested in.

You may be the type of lover to start verbal arguments, just to spice things up a little bit. If you find yourself getting bored with a potential mate…well…they might as well kiss you goodbye & keep it pushing because you won’t stick around long for someone not willing to entertain your more youthful whims. If you have Mercury in the 1H in particular, you may flirt by telling a beaux about your accomplishments and lead with your competitive spirit. You may be attracted to people you meet at the gym— something about seeing someone all sweaty & fit can really turn you on.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is you LOVE the thrill of the chase. When someone has sparked your interest romantically, you will desire to be in constant communication with them. As I stated earlier, you are not shy. You don’t mind sending 2/3 text in a row if they don’t respond back quick enough. This can be enduring to the right partner, demonstrating loyalty & engagement, but to others, you may come off as “too much”. Don’t worry about it!!!! If you are “too much” for them, then by default, they are “not enough” for you. Just be mindful that not everyone has the speed that you possess when it comes to going after what you want. You will do well with a fellow Mercury in Fire Placement or Air placement. I suggest you stay away from Earth & Water sign Mercury until you learn patience within your own self— & that can be a lifelong journey. Your mind is very goal oriented, but also very short-sighted at times. Learn to balance it if you want to be in a long-lasting relationship. Everything can’t always move at your time.

Now, as much as you love the chase, you may not love the stability of “winning” as much. After you win the number one spot, you may want to mooooovvveeee on to the next cute thing that crosses your path. This can lead to attracting & entertaining truly unavailable partners. Because this is just a flirty post, it’s important to highlight that you are a MAJOR MAJOR MAAAJJOORRR flirt, but not necessarily because you are seeking a permeant relationship. This can manifest one of two ways (mostly), you can either fall head over heels with someone very quickly & then lose the passion for them just as quickly OR you never take relationships seriously to began with & you just enjoy catching a spark & getting a rise out of someone— (sometimes) a mixture of both. Either way, you are a flirt to your core & you love a little competition when it comes to your dating life with your partners. You love a good break-up to make-up type relationship, particularly in your youth, but you’re flirty power truly shines for letting people know what you want/expect quickly. You are not about wasting anytime!

🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation

“Words of affirmation are words that communicate your love, appreciation, and respect for another person. They're positive words and phrases used to uplift someone. What's more, these compliments and words of encouragement don't have to be said directly to the person.” - verywellmind.com

🎶Song- Maneater by Nelly Furtado

“You either wanna be with me or be me (Come on, now)

Maneater, make you work hard

Make you spend hard, make you want all her love…

Make you cut cards, make you fall real hard in love”

🌬Mercury in Taurus/Second House

Tarot Card: King of Pentacles

If you have Mercury in Taurus/2H, your flirtation style is quite subtle. You possess an elegance in your speech, that most would envy. You also constantly have beauty, luxury & pleasure on the mind, so you lead with your senses. You may have a beautiful & sultry speaking voice, you may carry scent very well, & you CERTAINLY know how to set the vibe with great music, food & wine. Why? Because you ARE the vibe. Opposed to your Aries predecessor, you believe that slow & steady wins the race. You are a flirt simply because people are always trying to flirt with you! When someone approaches you, they may lead with “where did you get that shirt?” Or, “What perfume are you wearing”, just to get your attention. And the answer probably will be “you can’t afford it”. (Just kidding. Lol, you may know how to ball on a budget, but you tend to have expensive/exquisite taste.) You set the tone for some of the most sensual lovers.

Because you are so tuned in to your senses when it comes to dating, you take your time getting to know your partners before you spoil them with the full effect. You are a flirt who loves more of a slow burn & passion that builds overtime. You don’t mind taking things slowly, as long as you know the time is worth your investment.

The Pro/Con of this Mercury placement, is you believe in brutal honesty. This is a blessing & a curse. On one hand, your love interest never has to worry about where they stand with you or how you’re feeling. You have no problem opening up (after a while) to speak your mind clearly. And open communication is KEY to successful relationships. So this is a big big big ole plus. But…on the OTHER hand…you can be so caught up in your own truth, you may forget to actually listen to &/or consider your partner’s truth as well. BE CAREFUL. Taurus is a fixed energy, but fixed doesn’t always mean right…even if you’re right a lot. In the beginning dating phases, you may be too cutting with your words & turn parters off. This isn’t inherently a bad thing, but just be mindful that there is an art to honesty & it doesn’t always require brutality. You can soften your tone from time to time— sometimes the truth is overrated. (Now, full disclosure: I aaammm a Mercury in the 8H native, soooooo….I do admit that I’m the opposite & a bit biased, but there is balance to everything! I believe in a “need to know basis” type communication style.)

Once you are in a more grounded dating routine, you are a loyal, stable, giving, kind & a disciplined flirt. You will be far more consistent w your lovers when communicating— keeping an open dialogue when you move past some stubbornness. You appreciate a lover who is well-kept for. You’ll dish out the compliments to a well groomed, articulate & financially savvy partner, but your REAL flirt style lies in the way you touch. You will most likely communicate to your partners through cuddling & quality time. You will cook for people you care about, enticing them with all the goods in the world. You are more comfortable displaying affection through a soft touch or a simple kiss on the forehand. You love your partners to feel present in the moment, enjoying being alive & indulging in the sensual pleasures that life has to bring. YOU are a flirtation connoisseur!

🖤Love Language: Physical Touch

“If your love language is physical touch, then that means you prefer physical expressions of love over all other expressions (such as verbal compliments or gifts). Note that physical touch as a love language is not all about sex, although sex can be an important aspect of a romantic relationship.” -verywellmind.com

🎶Song: Satisfaction by Benny Benassi, The Biz

“Push Me

And then just touch me

Till I can get my

Satisfaction…”

🌬Mercury in the Gemini/Third House

Tarot Card: Queen of Swords

If you have Mercury in Gemini/3H you were BLESSED with the gift of gab. You are quick witted, light hearted & know how to entertain a person of interest with your sharp intellect. Because you are the most curious of the Zodiac, your flirt style involves asking A LOT of questions. You may find that as you’re getting to know people, you learn a heck of a lot about them & they know close to NOTHING about you. You could be SO good at being elusive, lovers may not even catch your name! There is a certain mystique that comes from this energy because you are the ultimate shape-shifter. It’s giving very Taylor Swift, “Find out what you want, be that girl for a month” energy with a fun & enthusiastic twist! When you flirt, people are enthralled by your knowledge. You know a little about a lot & can make yourself seem like an expert. You keep up with current events, gossip— basically anything that peaks your interest, & this makes you a one of a kind type person, not limited by close-mindedness & simplicity. In fact, some people could find you really difficult to keep up with. When it comes to small talk you are the best of the best.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is your mind is constantly racing. People who are interested in you/you are interested in may not realize just how deep into logic you fall at the prospect of a new relationship. Although you appear fluid & unfazed by casual dating & could be really good at it, you either desire something deeper bc of other placements in your chart, OR the idea of commitment really scares you. You let your imagination run wild very quickly & have a difficult time grounding serious energy. Again, this is a blessing & a curse. You’re able to navigate the dating world really well because you don’t take it too seriously, HOWEVER when it comes to making a deeper commitment you could take it FAR TOO seriously or not seriously enough. This can be confusing for your lovers because they never quite understand where they stand with you. Sometimes you’re all in & sometimes you’re all out. It would take a special person that would be interested in getting to know you past the shallow surface level that could truly peak your interest. You of all signs are able to hide behind banter, although you have a deeply curious & possibly oversaturated mind when it comes to getting to know someone. Regardless of how you flutter into people’s lives, they are always awe struck in your presence & feel a void when you leave. It really is a super power.

You are an amazing flirt! You get an A++ on the flirt test! Just be mindful that when you want something more serious & to explore truths in deep relationships, you will have to stop shape-shifting & be your authentic self—whoever that is. You have to truly let people in to your brain because people won’t naturally be able to keep up with how quickly you move. You could meet someone, imagine your life together and then “ooooo squirrel” & never think about that person again. Don’t hide behind your gift of being able to steer conversation— make an effort to have deep and meaningful conversations & you’ll be surprised how much people adore your natural, flighty & curious selves. I would stay away from Water Mercury placements more than anything. It’s not impossible, but because they operate from a more empathetic space, you would REALLY have to work on your communication because you may appear to cold & distant even if that isn’t your intention. It’s a catch 22 to have Mercury in a Mercury ruled sign because Mercury isn’t the most sexual of planets. You intellectualize relationships & could definitely find yourself on the Sapiosexual spectrum: meaning “Sapiosexuality is a type of sexuality that involves being more attracted by the contents of a person's mind than by the appearance of their body. In order to feel sexually attracted to another person, a sapiosexual person must first feel intellectually stimulated” according to verywellmind.com. You may not grasp the depth of others emotions because you feel flirting & dating is more of a mind game at times. Just be aware & have fun! Use your gifts wisely!

🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation

🎶Song: Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean

“I'm thinking 'bout you (Ooh no, no, no)

I've been thinking 'bout you (You know, know, know)

I've been thinking 'bout you

Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya?

Or do you not think so far ahead

Cause I been thinking bout forever, ooh”

🌬Mercury in Cancer/Fourth House

Tarot Card: Page of Cups

If you have Mercury in Cancer/4H, your flirtation style is sweet & wholesome. You may be VERY VERY VERY VEEERRRYYYY shy when it comes to expressing your emotions because you can be caught trying to rationalize your emotions logically which is inherently a trap door. You may not even consider yourself much of a flirt like your Gemini predecessors. Of all placements, Mercury in Cancer is one that may be most likely to be a demisexual; meaning “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them,” according to clevelandclinic.org. (You may or may not resonate with that label, it’s okay!!! I am not trying to define who you are & how you love. I’m just offering an outside perspective! Take it or leave it! Love you either way :)) Even if you are a flirtatious person, who is comfortable meeting people & having light hearted conversations, depending on other placements in your chart, you are most moved by relationships that make you feel comfortable enough to truly express how you’re feeling— even if you don’t know how to put those feelings into words just yet! There is a natural loving quality that you have within your speech. You love nurturing those you care about & would make sure that their basic needs are taken care of if you are truly interested in them. You’ll want to know if they ate, how their day went & if they need anything from you when they get home. This is the true power of empathy this Mercury placement can posses. It is truly enduring to the right person of interest!

The Pros/Cons of this placement is you are so deeply in tune with your own emotions, you can make the poor assumption that those around you can read your mind about how you’re feeling. TRUTH BOMB!!!! They absolutely can’t. In fact, I would suggest that you partner with a fellow Mercury in Water sign because there can be SOME telepathy (still not mind readers though), particularly Mercury in Scorpio/8H OR Mercury in Earth placement because they MAY have more patience when it comes to your communication style. You may be the type to burst into tears before you even start talking because you are so overwhelmed with emotions. THIS IS NOT INHERENTLY A BAD THING! This is just something to beware of and I suggest you channel this energy into something creative! For instance, instead of crying about how your lover didn’t notice that you cut your hair…write a song about it! This can be a highly creative placement as long as you’re able to express what you’re feeling in a constructive manner. You’re empathetic nature is a wonderful gift to give to the world, but most importantly to your partners! They will appreciate the care & consideration you give to them during the courting phases of a new relationship!

When you are able to balance your own emotions with understanding your partners communication style as well, you can have one of the deeper level connections— hence why flirting may work for or against you. If you are a flirt flirt FLIRT, you could be hiding behind your deeper emotions, not wanting to let anyone take advantage of your kindness…but on the other hand, if you prefer to stay in your shell, you should put yourself out there enough to meet someone who fulfills your needs for companionship— someone who cares about you the same way you care about them. Try not to be emotionally manipulative when it comes to dating either. You could fall into the trap of flirting by playing the damsel in distress role. Again, not always a bad thing (some placements play too tough & that’s not great either, there is always a balance) but when it comes to developing true & authentic connections, the victim/savior dynamic can only take you but so far & ultimately leave you feeling more abandoned than loved in the end. Lead with you caring side & you will find the partner who understands your need to be emotionally understood!

🖤Love Language: Quality Time

“People who speak the love language of quality time want to be the object of their lover's undivided attention. They want to feel cherished and prioritized, and rather than receiving gifts, words, acts, or touch, they prefer to simply spend meaningful time together.” — blinkist.com

🎶Song: Loveeeee Song by Rihanna ft. Future

“Boy, lately you've been stingy with your time

Got me wondering, I'm wondering if I'm on your mind

Boy, I just wanna be in your possession

You say I'm the one you want, so come express it…

I don't wanna give you the wrong impression

I need love and affection

And I hope I'm not sounding too desperate

I need love and affection”

🌬Mercury in Leo/Fifth House

Tarot Card: King of Wands

If you have Mercury in Leo/5H, your flirtation style is bold & in your face. You KNOW your worth & you get off on letting people know you know it! You know how to make an entrance & people are naturally entranced by your regal & authoritative nature. People of interest may find it hard to approach you because you seem so out of their league. It’s only natural that you get put on a pedal stool. You care a lot about your appearance & how you come off to others. You don’t like to be outshines when it comes to flirting, so you may be drawn to individuals who are well liked or already in relationships. Why? Not because you’re a home-wrecker, but because you may prefer some competition. You carry yourself in such a way, you are hard to miss. When you speak, people listen. You may also be HIGHLY creative, so your need for expression can draw in an audience that is amazed by your talent & beauty. Being ruled by the Sun, you really know how to light up a room.

There is an aura about you that screams “don’t talk to me, unless you can buy me a diamond ring”. You may or not be materialistic, of course this depends on other placements in your chart, but you do come off that way regardless. You only want the best of what the world has to offer— the best food, the best friends & the best lovers! You can be quite selective about who you chose to flirt with because you are naturally an extremely loyal person. You want to make sure that you are aligning yourself with the best, the brightest & the most beautiful. You are the definition of having standards when it comes to dating! And that’s an amazing gift.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is that you can come off as very “me” centered. People can take your need to feel important as you assuming they are less important, which isn’t necessarily the case. You are a very open & caring person & would fight for anyone you love— however, in the dating phases, it may seem as if you only care about yourself. How do you combat this? Just remember to take a step back from time to time & spoil your partner by listening to them & giving them your undivided attention. Combat your urge to interject with your personal antidotes. Don’t worry, you’ll have your time to shine again! I highly suggest you seek out like minded Mercury placements, like other Fire signs or even Air Signs. They will be able to understand that you are not so self-absorbed, but rather just speaking from your personal experiences. You will just have to be careful to not create an atmosphere that feels as if you & your person of interest are fighting for dominance in communication. This can be done with patience & understanding.

You are a razzle-dazzle kind of lover & anyone who is amazing enough to peak your interest is a lucky-ducky indeed! You will go to war for those you care about & your unwavering loyalty is something to envy. Those that are attracted to you will be overjoyed with how much fun & creativity you bring into their lives. You have great taste & only enjoy the best for you and your loved one! A great flirt you are indeed…to the rich— I mean “right”— person, of course!

🖤Love Language: Giving/Receiving Gifts

“If one's love language is gift giving, it simply means that one received early in life the clear communication that giving a gift is an important, acceptable, and/or clear way to show others how you feel about them and that you love and appreciate them” — womenshealthmag.com

🎶Song: Get the Party Started by Pink

“Get this party started on a Saturday night

Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive

Sendin' out the message to all of my friends

We'll be lookin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz

I got lotsa style, check my gold diamond rings

I can go for miles if you know what I mean

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started

(I'm comin' up, I'm comin')

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started”

🌬Mercury in Virgo/Sixth House

Tarot Card: Queen of Pentacles

If you have Mercury in Virgo/6H your flirtation style is particularly unique & interesting. Why? Because you tend to be very shy & to yourself. You’re a deep thinker, constantly problem solving & attempting to get the most perfect outcome to any given situation. You tend to be EXTREMELY detail oriented & focus on the little things in life. Because you have this desire for perfection, you are very cautious with your words & expressions. You, like Cancer Mercury placements, tend to stick to yourself— you may not be the most open person when pursuing a new lover. Instead of talking about your feelings…you would THRIVE in the Era of love letters! You are beautifully articulate & well spoken, so when you are able to physically write your emotions out, you can use words & written language as a tool to express your most loving thoughts. If this placement was a movie— it would be The Notebook. Truly a romantic placement, but quite honestly, misunderstood when it comes to flirting. You, like your Leo predecessor, care A LOT about how you come off. You keep manicured nails & toes, clean hair, because you care about cleanliness & this is a subtle way of letting your person of interest know you are, in fact, interested. When you truly desire someone, you want to appear your best at all times. You get voted most likely to cancel a date because you broke a nail. Again, others may perceive this as shallow or you using it as an excuse to distance yourself, but that is so far from the truth. As Mercury is your ruling planet, you are a master communicator— particularly when it comes to poetry & prose— but Mercury is arguably the most a-sexual planet, so it is a bit of a catch 22. Like your brother sign Gemini, may THINK too much about love, instead of actually experiencing it. The difference is Geminis LOVE to flirt, kind of like an intellectual sparring match, where you love the idea of love & would rather write about it in your journal, rather than approach that person in real life. How cute!

The Pros/Cons of this placement is that you can be hard to read for your person of interest. You really have to make it a point to communicate how you’re feeling about them in poetic/artistic ways. Virgo/6H placement naturally carry a hermetic type energy, craving solitude to think things through. This is not inherently a bad thing, it just means you have to do due diligence of incorporating potential lovers into your life/routines & ultimately into your mind. When this placement is in a low vibration or simply underdeveloped, you may “flirt” by being nitpicky & starting petty arguments with your lovers. This placement can have an undying need to be right & miss the big picture because they are too busy focusing on small details. BE MINDFUL! This is something that makes your mind great & quick & honestly, necessary in the world to have such a wonderful problem solver— HOWEVER, this can be a turn off when in the early dating phases because it can come off in a way that you feel as if you a better than someone else OR that the people you date need fixing, & aren’t already good enough. This may not be your intention, but be sure to let people express themselves in the best way they know how. Critique to help, but don’t get stuck just criticizing to criticize. This can be a very thin balance, but vital for the longevity of any relationship.

You are a dedicated & service oriented type lover. You would much rather demonstrate your love through doing, rather than just out right “flirting”. You show up 15-minutes early for a date you are truly excited about & make sure to wear the finest linens. Although you may appear to go above & beyond for lovers in the beginning phases, if you feel as if you are being taken for granted, you are on to the next quick, fast & in a hurry, like you brother sign, Gemini. You don’t hesitate to keep it pushing. This is the beauty of having a Mercury ruled sign in the Mercury placement— your mind is quick, so sometimes you can go through lover’s quickly. Leaving them in the DUST for some of the pettiest reasons! While you’re young…enjoy!!! But as you grow, you may need to understand that the perfect partner doesn’t exist, so you’ll never find what you’re seeking if you don’t allow a little fluidity into your love life. Learn to have fun & be open! You’d probably do best with a fellow Mercury in Virgo person, simply because Virgo energy understands Virgo energy best…if not, Taurus/Capricorn COULD be a great match also!

🖤Love Language: Acts of Service

“In terms of intimate relationships, Acts of Service is a language that can best be described as doing something for your partner that you know they would like, such as filling up their gas, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal.” — verywellmind.com

🎶Song: Cater 2 U by Destiny’s Child

“Let me cater to you

'Cause baby this is your day

Do anything for my man

Baby you blow me away

I got your slippers

Your dinner

Your dessert and so much more

Anything you want

Let me cater to you

Inspire me from the heart

Can't nothing tear us apart

You all I want in a man

I put my life in your hands”

🌬Mercury in Libra/Seventh House

Tarot Card: Page of Swords

If you have Mercury in Libra/7H, You. Are. The. ULTIMATE. Flirt. Only rivaled by Gemini, although you can be FAR more touchy-feely. Of course this depends on other placements in your chart, but you KNOW how to turn on the charm. You are charisma personified. You are most likely an attractive person on the outside, but regardless of your outer appearance, you have an extremely attractive mind. You are balanced & logical & want nothing but fairness when it comes to your relationships. Unlike your opposite sign, Aries, you lead with the other person. You flatter them. You don’t mind dishing out the compliments & don’t see your romantic interest as competition, but rather a compliment to you. You, like Leos, have HIGH standards when it comes to your lovers. You won’t just settle down with anyone. You go through a LONG process of LITERALLY weighing your options, so you can be hard to pin down. You, of all signs, are able to find beauty & equality in all things…hence why you are SUCH a flirt. If you see something/someone you like, you have no problem telling them you like their shirt with a quick wink, HOWEVER, very rarely are you truly trying to make something last out of a simple playful interaction. This can lead you to having a plethora of admirers, but no one that you see anything seriously with. This is a great placement to have for business dealing & if you’re interested in politics. You know how to read a room, read a person & act accordingly. You are so dang likable it can be sickening! The irony in this placement is you take your relationships VERY seriously. You actually prefer to be in a commitment more than any other signs. You enjoy being dutiful & find purpose when you are integrated into someone else’s fabric of life. BUT. When it comes to casual dating, you are gone with the wind fabulous. You are here for a good time & not a long time. You can separate a serious commitment from a fling like no other. This can be INFURIATING to people who are trying to pursue you because you seem so unbothered even though you gave them a wonderful compliment & treated them so well.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is how long is can take for you to pick a partner to settle down with. In the dating realm, this is almost a perfect placement. You are considerate, passionate when you need to be, lovable & fun! But on the other hand, when it comes to taking a dating situation to the next level, you can get cold feet— again, weighing the pros & cons of being in a relationship because you actually understand the sacrifice that it takes to be in a commitment. And sadly, if you don’t think the person if worth sacrificing for entirely OR you’re just not in a space to sacrifice to being with...that lover can FORGET IT! As much as you enjoy beauty & light-hearted dating, Libra is still very much a masculine sign. Regardless of gender (or lack of gender), you tend to want to be the provider in your relationships. You enjoy the delicate balance of give & take, feminine & masculine energy, in any of your longterm commitments. And if anyone disrupts that, you will not stick around. On the outside looking in, you may seem wishy-washy & non-committal, but that actually isn’t the case. You WILL commit, but only after you have thought about it from all angles & sides. You are rational minded & sometimes this can hurt the people around you because what you said in passing may have meant nothing to you, but everything to them! PLUS, when you are in a full blown commitment, you may still come across as flirty, whether you intend to or not. Your partners will have to require a lot of trust & understanding about how you express yourself. You’re just a “nice” person who wants the world to be a more beautiful place— one flirt at a time. I recommend you stick with other Air Signs or Fire Signs Mercury placements, because other people may misinterpret your nature. But if you’re with a Fire sign, they will desire fast communication & that may overwhelm you from time to time so just be mindful.

All in all, this is a wonderful placement when it comes to communication & flirting in casual relationships because you are so fair minded. You don’t like to stop on people’s toes, but sometimes you can feel like you’re leading people on if they don’t understand that you’re just a naturally flirty person. You can hand out words, kisses & compliments out like candy! Be careful that you’re not rotting someone’s sweet tooth!

🖤Love Language: Physical Touch

🎶Song: Nevermind by Dennis Lloyd

“All I, I ever ask, ever ask

Are you gonna, are you gonna be my lover?

Tonight, and take it with, take it with me

Take it with me, hmm…

What if I left and it made no sense

And you tell your friends

And they hold your hands

Baby, nevermind, nevermind

Nevermind, nevermind”

🌬Mercury in Scorpio/Eighth House

Tarot Card: King of Cups

If you have Mercury in Scorpio/8H, your flirtation style isn’t so “flirty” in the traditional sense. With this placement, you tend not to trust people too easily, so you’re not the biggest fan of small talk. This inherent contradiction of a “non-communicative” mercury makes you an interesting & complex lover that people are drawn to get to know. You more so operate from “energies” & “vibes”, & people are either drawn to you like a moth to a flame or repelled by you like a moth to flying insect spray…lol. However, you have an unmistakable allure & you shift energy when you walk into a room. Just as elusive as a Gemini & yet somehow as dreamy as a Pisces— this unique combination makes your lovers fixed on you, projecting their deepest darkest desires on you, wanting to uncover whatever it is you’re hiding. Almost as if you are a lost cave of hidden knowledge & gems, just waiting to be discovered. Truth is…you’re most likely just shy! Now, don’t get me wrong, you are certainly one of the deepest thinkers of the Zodiac. You have fascinating interest in the occult & keep your feelings close to your chest, but this is usually a defense mechanism to an extent because you fear if people know what you’re thinking, then they may be able to control your mind. And as Mars as your ruler, you are all about control— and in this case, mind control. This works 2 ways. When you flirt, it may come off as obsession. Much like your brother sign, Aries, when you “want” something/someone, it’s not just want, it’s desire, it’s craving, it’s intoxicating infatuation. You can be a bold lover, striking when the time is right…but if the time is not right…you will wait & wait & wait & wait & wait— like a Jaguar hunting its unassuming prey.

The Pros & Cons of this placement is that you have a mighty powerful gaze & aura surrounding you. If the color black was a person, it would be you. You’re beautifully dark, but yet the depths & hues of the nuances of your personality are hard to tell unless someone is REALLY looking. You test lovers more than any other sign to make sure they are truly giving you their undivided attention— much like what you have given to them. You expect loyalty & honesty from your lovers ALTHOUGH you may not give them the same in return. Your version of honesty can be quite controversial. You believe in the “Policy of Truth”, if you truly care about someone & want to know them on a deeper level, you will leave out things that don’t put you in the best light. This placement can be very manipulative when it comes to how & what you choose to communicate to a person that you desire. Your lovers will have to earn your trust before you give them truth & this can be a SLOW process. Because of this personality trait, you may or may not be all that “flirty”. In Western Astrology, Scorpios are almost always described as the sexual beings of the zodiac & that is true…HOWEVER, you crave a deeeeeppppp level of intimacy & connection that casual dating/flirting usually doesn’t allow, making you one of the most difficult partners to actually end up in the bedroom with. You can come across as very fickle & hard to pin-down to people you are not equally trying to connect with. With this placement, you will not connect with just anyone, thus making you one of the least “flirty” Mercury placements at first glance. Although you may be able to develop a way with words as time passes, you must at least feel you will be able to gain something out of the exchange. You are far too intense for casual love affairs. Now passionate love affairs— is right up your ally!

Having Mercury in such a deep sign, again makes you a deep thinker, unlike other placements who gloss over people, you want to know EVERYTHING & I mean EVERYTHING about a potential mate. The irony here is, your way of flirting can be a form of stalking. You will dig & dig & dig & dig into the personal life of lovers, or you will ask the deepest questions to attempt to get into their psychology— deep psych evaluations & damn near hypnotism is your way of “flirting”. Many of your lovers may not even realize you are in pursuit of them, while on the other hand, you may not comprehend how deeply someone is wanting to connect with you. Due to the mixture of pure shyness & mystique, you are an astounding lover that oozes of pure, unfiltered, sex appeal WHEN IT IS EARNED. The trickiest part of this placement, is people will want to fill in the blanks about you if they don’t know. You can be subject to nasty rumors or people making CRAZY assumptions about you, but it’s simply because they want to explain the inexplicable. You have a certain energy that people dream of exploring, yet may not be up for how deep they would have to dive in order to truly get to know you. Any lover that only gets to know you in a causal sense will always be left with a lingering feeling of wondering what you were truly hiding in that closet of yours.

🖤Love Language: Quality Time

***For you of all signs, I probably say you’d need the most love languages to be demonstrated in order to feel safe & secure in a relationship. Everyone identifies with multiple, but you NEED to see all the proof in the pudding before you take a leap of faith with someone.

🎶Song: Every Breath You Take by The Police

“Every breath you take

Every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take

I'll be watching you…

Oh can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches with every step you take.”

***hehe, this is one of my all time favorite songs…& it is FAR from a love song, but as a Mercury in the 8H person myself…I think it’s a funny song choice aaannndddd somewhat accurate! You know how we are! Lol

🎶Bonus song!!! (Don’t tell the others lol)

To The End- My Chemical Romance

“If you marry me,

Would you bury me?

Would you carry me to the end?

🌬Mercury in Sagittarius/Ninth House

Tarot Card: Queen of Wands

If you have Mercury in Sagittarius/9H, your flirtation can take quite a few different forms. As a mutable sign, you’re like Gemini & Pisces (Virgo, yes, but not so much in this case), so you are able to adapt to any environment, possessing a shape-shifter type energy. The major difference between you & the others is, you believe the truth will set you free, so after awhile, your true colors will always shine through to your romantic interested. You could be attracted to people who are different than you in some way. Sagittarius/9H energy is all about expanding your horizons, & connecting with people of different cultures & backgrounds is a way to see the world through a different set of lenses! This is a wonderful trait because you almost always carry an exoticness within your essence. You may not feel super special in your home town, but once you travel to different areas, people will know that you are not from around there. In this case, seeing as we are talking about Mercury, it shows up particularly in the way you think/communicate. Perhaps you have a distinct accent. You are just as curious as Gemini about the outside world, but instead of focusing on the day to day mechanics & “gossip”, you’d rather talk about more philosophical questions & debate about religion, meditation & yoga. You honestly flirt by preaching to those you are interested in. You crave someone who is a free thinker & can talk about anything. You are as much of a student of life as you are a teacher and you will not be caught DEAD flirting with a dumb-dumb. Intelligence is what turns you on, but it doesn’t have to be “book smart”. You are so open to different ideas in the world & you value someone who can teach you the laws of the land & navigate the way of the streets. It’s giving very Princess Jasmine & Aaladin vibes in this case. You will flirt & be attracted to the “street rats” of the world because they can offer you a different experience than what you are used to.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is you can come off as self-righteous and kind of a know-it-all to potential suiters. More than likely, you have received some form of higher education or have traveled around more than your next door neighbor. This is not inherently a bad thing, but this is the magic of knowing when to turn on and off the charm. You could easily want to lead with how worldly & experienced you are, which is an amazing thing, but understand, that is a privilege! So please be mindful not to “rub it in” everyone’s faces that you are an interesting and well-traveled person, and also try not to judge others for not being on the same level as you. Just smile & keep it moving, there is no need to argue. On the other hand, because this can be such a spiritual placement, you may find yourself to be quite “close-minded”, when it comes to YOUR religion, YOUR philosophy of life, & YOUR truth. The passion you posses about your views is something that most will admire, BUT if you’re coming off as someone who assumes they are better or have the moral high ground, again, this can be a turn off to any potential love interest.

Your love for learning & teaching is unique & extraordinary. You carry within you a vessel of knowledge & experiences that some would only dream of! It puts you in a little bit of an awkward situation when it comes to your love life though, because student/teacher relationships aren’t *supposed* to be “sexy”. This is a bit of a mixed bag. In today’s society, it can be assumed that a teacher is abusing their power by pursuing a student. (I am not speaking about elementary school through high school!!! I’m speaking about adult relationships!!!! Think Guru/Yogi student, Preacher/Subject in Congregation etc.) But in your case, you most likely wouldn’t have it any other way. You desire to learn from your partners. If they can’t teach you something, then they can kick rocks! You are humbled by a knowledgeable person, who has also spent their life seeking truth, the same way you have. You may find yourself drawn to certain professors or people in powerful positions where people listen to what they have to say. Or, you may be the person who draws a lot of people towards you because you have such a database of wisdom that people find attractive! This has the potential to be a GREAT love affair with the right person, but I wouldn’t say you are much of a “flirt” in the traditional sense. You’d hand your love interest a book that you found insightful before a bouquet of roses!

🖤Love Language: Quality Time

🎶Song: Part of Your World by Halle Bailey

“…And ready to know what the people know

Ask 'em my questions and get some answers

What's a fire and why does it, what's the word?

Burn?

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?

Out of the sea

Wish I could be

Part of that world”

(yes, the black one!! S/o to representation, but also s/o to Jodi Benson, the OG Little Mermaid, she served on this song!)

🌬Mercury in Capricorn/Tenth House

Tarot Card: Page of Pentacles

If you have Mercury in Capricorn/10H, your flirting style is business, business, business. This is not to say that you are NOT flirty, because you definitely can be— particularly as you get older— but you flirt with a goal in mind. You’ll flirt for a job promotion, you’ll flirt for priority seating at the fanciest restaurants, you’ll flirt for a discount at Trader Joe’s. You flirt to save money & flirt to earn money. That is what really matters to you. Again, this may come off as shallow, or “gold-digger” type vibes, but there is nothing more than this Mercury sign craves more than mental SECURITY, which goes hand in hand with financial security. You depend on stable relationships, so you can take dating toooooo seriously. If you don’t see the benefit of investing in someone longterm, then…you just won’t. It’s open & shut. With this placement, you are VERY selective with your words. You don’t like to waste time on meaningless conversations because you are a firm believer that time is money. HOWEVER, when you find someone that is worth your time, you give everything to that person & more. It is worth noting here, that Capricorn energy is represented by The Devil card in Tarot. Meaning, that Capricorn energy is the embodiment of temptation & desire. You, more than any other sign, actually know how to entrance your person of interest by talking. You can speak of wonderful plans & goals you have, expensive things that you’ve bought, rare wines that you’ve tasted & lure in an unassuming subject like pray. You even may have a very distinct & sultry voice that is low & earthy. You have a resonance with others because you appear so grounded, cool, calm & collected when you speak. This can instantly be a turn on to the target you have in mind.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is you can take quite a long time to learn how to express yourself, leaving your partners in a very confused state. You, like your Cancer opposite, can spend too much time trying to rationalize your needs in a relationship, rather than actually experiencing the relationship. Because you can be so goal oriented, you don’t leave much time for error or fun in your early years. This can come off as cold & distant to people attempting to pursue you in a romantic way— it’s almost as if you are always just out of reach because you are too busy working on your next big project! This isn’t a bad thing, per say, it just means you have to carve out time for your lovers & be intentional with your dating. Dating & getting to know people just for the heck of it, isn’t a waste of time! It can be nice to go out, laugh & take your mind off of the stress of work or your ambitions. So there is magic in remaining open to potential lovers, you may be surprised at how much you enjoy other people’s company that aren’t talking about work work work. You are WAY more of a do-er than a talker & this can be taken for granted in your relationships. Make sure you end up with someone who understands your need for validation when it comes to the work you do & the bacon that you bring home. You will be the BIGGEST flirt on the planet for someone who acknowledges & appreciate the level of focus & discipline you exude when it comes to your work & romantic relations.

You honestly have the potential to be one of the more flirty signs of the Zodiac, because Saturn, your Mercury ruler, is all about delay and NOT denial. You could have had issues reading or writing as a child that have made you shy, but I bet you’re one of the best readers & writers now! Same with flirting! You may feel awkward in your teens & young 20s, not knowing how to navigate such a crazy dating world, but as you learn the tricks of the trade, you will be able to have one of a kind banter with powerful & influential people. You age like wine, only getting better, tastier & more expensive with time!

🖤Love Language: Acts of Service

🎶Song: Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey

“I’m on the run with you, my sweet love

There's nothing wrong contemplating God

Under the chemtrails over the country club

Wearing our jewels in the swimming pool

Me and my sister just playing it cool

Under the chemtrails over the country club

What to do next? Maybe we'll love it

White picket chemtrails over the country club

My love, my love…

It's never too late, baby, so don't give up”

🌬Mercury in Aquarius/Eleventh House

Tarot Card: King of Swords

If you have Mercury in Aquarius/11H, your flirtation style is hard to easily put into words. You’re really not much of a flirt UNTIL you are SUPER DUPER comfortable with someone. You flirt by making friends. You’re open-minded, like Sagittarius, but you’re retrained like Capricorn. This puts you in a very delicate balance when it comes to casual dating. You tend to be extremely futuristic & innovative in your thinking— in fact, this placement can signify a genius level comprehension skill, great scientist & technical/skilled artist have this placement— so it may be awkward for you when first meeting new love interest. You may have deep interest in Sci-Fi or technology. You like gadgets & can constantly be tinkering with things, or have a very niche interest like…Vedic astrology for example, so it can be more difficult for you to connect to people on a day to day basis just because your ideas can seem so radical and “out-there”. This is a BEAUTIFUL thing to someone who understands you. They will never be bored with the conversation, although at times, they may have trouble keeping up. I suggest you date fellow Air sign Mercurys because they will be interested in the same things you’re interested in, or at least be curious enough to look into it! Because you march to the beat of your own drum, your flirt style will be equally as unique as you are. You could flirt by explaining to someone quantum mechanics or by telling them how Picasso was an absolute genius when it came to the color blue in his blue series or the difference between the tropical astrology system & the sidereal. The conversations are limitless with you and a person of interest!

The Pros/Cons of this placement is you may feel quite isolated when it comes to communicating your ideas to potential lovers. You may feel as if your ideas are “too weird” and you don’t want to scare them off! OR you just have troubles relating to the “common man” because your brain is just far beyond keeping up with Kardashians. You care about world peace, and helping others, so you may not be super interested in the latest gossip. I mean C’mon…THERE ARE KIDS DYING IN AFRICA, KIM! (That’s a joke…lol) You care more about how the algorithms work on instagram, rather than scrolling through the content, so this can make you feel outcast in the dating scene. Feeling excluded is the hallmark of Aquarius energy. THIS ISN’T A BAD THING!!!!! It just means it may take you a longer time to find your soul tribe & chances are, your soulmate will be a friend first before a lover. Because you have a fixed placement, you cherish the people who come into your life that understand you on a mental & spiritual level. You may not care as much about looks, gender or social class as some of the other placements do when it comes to dating— you can be very flexible when it comes to who you fall in love with, just because it’s so hard for you to find people who vibrate on your same wavelength. YOU have the mind that keeps the culture moving forward. You are the inventors & creators of the generations! You’re the trend setters & trailblazers which can be a lonely lonely road when it comes to causal things like dating. Again, it is imperative for you to find likeminded people who get you or get that they don’t get you but still don’t judge you for it! You’re more of a mental flirt than anything else! You enjoy intelligent conversation & would die of boredom listening to someone who is small minded.

You will be one of the most fascinating & intriguing lover to anyone who actually takes the time to get to know you! In some cases, a Scorpio/8H mercury may be compatible because they will view you as a never ending puzzle they need to solve. Either way, you’ll need to be with someone who wants to dig deeper into you, past your seemingly eccentric nature & get to know the loving kind side of you. You are more likely to fall for a friend or someone in your friendship circle because you know you have things in common. You could also be far more comfortable dating on an online setting, in virtual realities of some sort! Things in common/true compatibility in the most important thing to you when it comes to flirting & dating. You don’t care much for frivolous banter although you may be good at it— there will always be a voice inside of you saying “this person is sooooooo dumb”. All I ask, is that you remain humble when meeting people, different people are in different areas of life & we can’t judge them on the level they are on. The moment you do that & start accepting people for who they are, the “Right” people will be drawn into your energy field & you’ll feel truly accepted by those that love you & that you love!

Side Side Side note: You are also the sign that would most likely thrive in a polyamorous relationship (multiple partners at once), because you are capable of loving multiple friends at one time. You very well may not be interested in open-relationships, because you are a fixed sign & value loyalty  & stability…but you may do well in one. You wouldn’t fall victim to jealousy & possessiveness as much as other signs.

🖤Love Language: Words of Affirmation

🎶Song: Dirty Feeling by Lolawolf

“I got a dirty feeling that it's going down

I got that dirty feeling

Look at ya, look at ya

Move slow

Slow on the low, slow on the low

Low, low

Low

Boy you should go now

Boy you should go

I can see what's coming, oh no

I know you've been gunning

I got a dirty feeling that it's going down”

🌬Mercury in Pisces/Twelfth House

Tarot Card: Queen of Cups

If you have Mercury in Pisces/12H, your flirtation style works on a cosmic level. You radiate vibes, like sonic waves, that lure in your object of desire. You can be quite shy in real life, but there is an elusive quality about you that causes people to yearn for you & be drawn towards you. You are extremely slippery when it comes to the dating field, because you, like Aquarius, your predecessor, are naturally extraordinarily other worldly! (After all, you are 2 houses after the 10H of the world, so you’ve busted out of the matrix in some way). You seem to be neither here, nor there. You float through life & people may never know or not know where they stand with you because chances are, they may not even know where you are. Your dreamlike nature is a literal dream come true for some, & so flirting with you seems as if they met someone from the movies. You’re real, but are you real? You’re here, but are you here? That type of energy. When you like someone, you will want to dissolve into each other’s world. You’ll want to be with them, meeting on such a spiritual level, that language isn’t the prime way you communicate. You feel your partners rather than listen to them…which can work for and against you, depending on how strong your relationship is with the other person. Because you are one of the most empathetic placements, when it comes to a person of interest, you want to be valuable to them by helping them through their personal spiritual journey. Due to this nature, you may be attracted/drawn to lost souls & lost souls may be attracted/drawn to you as well. You prefer a partner with a past, because you desire to show them a bright & escapist type future. You are called to break chains for your lovers, so your flirty style can be wholesome & very loving.

The Pros/Cons of this placement is exactly what makes it great— you’re otherworldliness. You understand the world through vibrations & energies, not necessarily though words & actions. You see deeply into people & have an extremely psychic ability that only a privileged few are privy to. You probably communicate through music & sound. You would be far more comfortable sharing a song or writing a song about your feelings for someone than being able say it! And to be fair, the songs you write/share may not even have lyrics! You would be more likely to flirt by telling someone “you make me feel like the color orange” or “you remind me of the discord in Beethoven’s Fifth” than being like “hey, I think you’re cute!”. This is wonderfully romantic, but if your partner doesn’t think like you do, well, then you run the risk of feeling rejected & emotionally abandoned by them. This mercury sign, more than other, has to learn how to communicate on a practical level. With your opposite sign being Virgo, master communicators, you get left holding the bag of trying to figure out how to put your experiences into words that people can relate & identify with. Of COURSE, I recommend that you channel your energy into art, you will be understood by some, but you have to put yourself out there & not get lost in the fantasy of it all. Jupiter, your ruling planet, is all about blending the lines & expansion, which is a beautiful thing, but sometimes the real restraints that we have in the world can limit people being able to connect— especially when it comes to fleeting relationships.

Your nature can be so light & inviting, or it can be like a dark black abyss with no end in sight…much like the oceans fish inhabit. People will want to project their deepest desires/fears on to you, because you reflect back to them like clear water. They see a distorted version of themselves in you & this can be very challenging when it comes to dating & flirting. You will need partners who are grounded & level-headed, but also understand your need to be understood in non-traditional communicative ways. You have a gorgeously creative mind that sees the possibilities in the world, rather than the poverties. You are able to find beauty in the most broken of people, places & things, because you perhaps feel broken and forsaken by the world yourself. This is not an easy placement, but it has the most potential for true spiritual enlightenment! Dating may not be your strong suit, but connection to source sure is! You will find people who appreciate & celebrate the gifts that you have to offer, even if it gets lost in translation from time to time! You are an exquisite mermaid from beyond the sea!

🖤Love Language: Giving/Receiving Gifts

🎶Song: In My Head by Lil Tjay

“I got some funny feelings in my head

And girl, I don't know what to call it (call)

Too iffy and quick, I can't say that it's love

But I know that I want some more of it (more)

These feelings, been stuck in my head

Ain't too big on love, but with you, I'm all for it (no)

See the world, me and you, we can tour it

Fuck all them bitches, they ain't shit, they ignorin'

Daily you be on my mind

My heart hurt beat and bruised, from the owner before it

Got a good feelin' this time”

#Spotify #music #astrology #vedic astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #astrology notes #astro observations #tarot #witchlife

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froody · 10 months

Note

Tommy. Tell me about her. What wisdom does she hold?

She was born in the rafters of an abandoned barn one day in early May of 2017. She and her siblings had not yet opened their eyes when her mother decided to move her babies to the abandoned house about 50 yards from the barn. It was a grueling task. Tommy waited for her turn, sightless, helpless and so tiny. Her mother never returned for her. She abandoned her to die in that barn. It’s not an unusual thing for a feral cat to do. 80% of kittens born in feral colonies die before the age of 1. Tommy was so sick. She didn’t look like a normal kitten and she never would. Perhaps her mother knew she could not save her on her own. Perhaps her mother was young and sick herself and only had the strength for the other kittens. Either way, she left her.

Tommy’s digestive system was in tatters. She had multiple parasites. She was dehydrated. She still had the strength to scream, she always has, and she did. My father found her, got her down, took her to the vet. She opened her eyes later that week. She had to be bottle fed. It took several courses of antibiotics and anti-parasitics to get her back on track. She fought so valiantly. She always had an appetite as a kitten, no matter what was going on in her insides. She was so screamy. She loved to be held, loved to run up to the door every time you opened it.

Her struggles have never really stopped. She’s brachycephalic, she sneezes and wheezes, her sinuses are deformed, her eyes are crusty. She’s 6 now. My mom’s dog broke her jaw when she was about 2 and my mother rushed her to the emergency vet to get jr wired back together. Didn’t tell me what happened to my cat until I got home from high school that day. Last year I found Tommy in obvious distress, weak and drooling blood. I took her to the emergency vet and they found evidence of previously undiagnosed stomatitis and more pressingly, a mass on her jaw. Biopsy showed it wasn’t cancerous, it was an inflammatory reaction to her back teeth. She needed surgery to remove some of her severely deformed teeth and the bleeding painful mass.

She was out on steroids for the stomatitis for a few month. She didn’t seem to be getting better. She was dropping weight. Initially I thought it was just her mouth pain but I took her to the vet anyway. She was diagnosed with diabetes and sent home. The two days later she had an episode of hyperglycemia so severe I didn’t think she’d survive the night. She spent a week in the cat ICU.

Right now she’s regained her weight. She’s chilling at the edge of my bed. She’s snoring in her sleep.

She’s taught me a very important lesson. Don’t give up. Her constant and remarkably passionate fight for survival keeps me going. Her odds have always been so slim and yet she doesn’t know it or simply doesn’t care. She always has zest for life but in the most sinister cartoon cat villain way possible. I’ve always wanted to give up on myself and she’s never wanted to give up on herself. It doesn’t cross her mind.

#ask #Tommy

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anjuyn · 4 days

Text

*A lot of speculation about how the internal hierarchy in the Sakuma clan works and what happens to Rei and Ritsu's parents.

I have been digesting the theory in my head for quite a long time that something like a communal system is practiced in the Sakuma clan. I mean, there is a feeling that the children in the clan are brought up by everyone at once and by no one specific at the same time, as if the concept of "parents" in their family is akin to the concept of "clan".

And if you are lucky enough to have a close relative of your age, he will be your "family". And parents for children are all the adults of the clan who are free and who can and want to take part in the upbringing of a child.

I've been thinking about this for a long time, because both Rei and Ritsu, when mentioning a close family, mean only each other, and "parents" are referred to by them as some kind of distant and detached concept, although we know that Rei constantly interacts with clan members and has been dealing with his relatives since childhood. But he never mentioned how close his relatives were.

THEREFORE.

From these preliminary considerations, I have deduced a theory that, in my opinion, has the right to exist. Probably, Rei and Ritsu simply don't have parents. Perhaps they died under some unfortunate circumstances or something similar, given the health problems within the clan, I think that the mortality of some members is quite likely, especially considering how damn much energy a woman takes away from bearing and giving birth to a child (especially two children in such a relatively short period of time).

The thoughts about this came to my mind because Sakuma siblings considered, according to Rei, "the most noble and pureblood members of the clan," and often children receive nobility by birthright. Therefore, their parents probably could well have been noble members of the clan as well. And after Rei and Ritsu's parents died, random relatives took over the upbringing of the children (and as we know, raising two children is difficult, especially if you're not their parents, and especially if you're simply incapacitated most of the day).

Relatives probably tried to give them proper upbringing, but their state of health and complete isolation from the world, coupled with the lack of real "parental" affection for the Sakuma brothers, Rei and Ritsu were forced to be raised themselves on their own, hence also some of their problems with social norms.

I think Rei they're really the only people close to each other, because they don't have anyone else.

Consequently, Rei and Ritsu were the only truly close people to each other, and hence their strong, sometimes painful attachment to each other, which often occurs in children who have lost their parents and remain single.

sigh.

A little messy, as always, but still.

And the more I think about it, the more interesting it becomes.

#ensemble stars #enstars #rei sakuma #ritsu sakuma #my profession is to come up with some sad things about Sakuma siblings #And I'm doing a great job with it HEHEH

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weirdmarioenemies · 1 year

Photo

Hey look. It is one of those Mounds they are always putting in the backgrounds of Mario games! Are they mountains? Hills? Whatever the case, they seem impractical to me! So extremely vertical with nary a foothold. Mario is all about platforming, and yet these iconic structures are not even platformable! What gives? What are they here for? What is their purpose?

They are here to eat trains, of course! Yum yum yum! Honestly, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Trains never get eaten. They’ve had it too good for too long! I love trains, but even I can admit this is a necessary evil to keep them humble.

...Hey, wait! This isn’t right at all! Mountains don’t have digestive systems! There’s no telling what will happen if a mountain eats something!

Name: Fawful Mountain

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story

Wow! What a scientific breakthrough! It turns out that if a Mario Mountain eats something, it turns into a Funny Guy. Who would have thought? Of course, there is only a sample size of one. Would the same happen if any old mountain ate a train? Or if this individual mountain ate a different train, or something else entirely? We need more tests done! Someone get the train out of this mountain, toss in a chicken parmesan, and see what happens!

Anyway, I love this design a lot a lot! It is so cute for a massive lumbering pillar of earth! The way its dirt arms emerge make it seem like some sort of artificial mech, but then its little feets with toes feel so natural! Maybe there are even paws on the bottoms of those. With this in mind, as well as the closed eyes visible before its awakening in the 3DS remake, I am getting the impression that this is truly some sort of ancient, slumbering dirt giant! Usually content to just sleep, it will awake if it senses anything wrong with the soil it is so in tune with... or if a train goes in its mouth! Rude!

Fawful Mountain appears during Giant Bowser’s battle with the Fawful Express, and that is how Fawful Mountain gets its name, because sadly nobody bothered to ask its name before Fawful laid claim to it. (I would have asked) After the train has taken damage, the Monty Mole operators drive it into a mountain to use as cover while they make repairs, and do not seem at all bothered when the mountain comes to life! Shame on them for leaving this innocent mountain creature to be beaten up for their own benefit.

I will give them one thing, though. That 100 in the corner is a distance counter, and they measure in Kilomoles. That is cute.

This isn’t cute, though! Fawful Mountain is weak to fire, what with all the flammable greenery covering it, and once it is on fire, it will stay that way. It is in pain! This is the worst day of this mountain’s life! Also the last one. Though it fights with all its might, Bowser kills it. Sorry mountain :( you were my best friend who was also a location.

Sorry to post such graphic imagery, but Fawful Mountain bursts into clumps of earth... maybe this isn’t so bad? Maybe it can later reform like nothing happened? Maybe its soul is released and can inhabit another mountain to use as a vessel? I hope so! But we will never know because no Mario game has ever dared to revisit the concept of trains animating mountains into monsters. I wouldn’t mind if they did! It would be pretty cool if that became the new generic plot instead of Peach being kidnapped. Imagine gamers complaining on the internet because ugh they did ANOTHER train animating a mountain plot? And I would just smile.

#fawful mountain #fawful express #mario and luigi bowsers inside story #mario #mario enemies #mod chikako

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alpaca-clouds · 5 months

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Some Vampire Headcanons

Kinda based on the exchange I had with @0nelittlebirdtoldme, I thought I might as well talk a bit about how I handle vampire biology in certain regards. This is very much rooted in what we see in Castlevania, though I am gonna hold to those rules in my other stuff too (so both for DnD stuff, as well as original vampire stories).

Vampires and normal Food

This is one of the things we know about the Castlevania vampires, but that I like in general. Vampires as I write them can eat normal human food - it just does not give them any nurishment. So, they can eat it for the pure enjoyment of food, but when they are starving it does not do anything for them.

Of course, people would say: "But shouldn't their digestive system be specialized on digesting blood?" To which I say: "A human sized being could not sustain itself on blood alone. So, it is magic. Either way it is magic. So..." *shrugs*

But... While vampires can consume alcohol, they can no longer get drunk because the food does not get properly digested - hence the alcohol never enters the bloodstream.

Speaking of which...

Vampires and their own Blood

Okay, folks. Here is the thing. I know that the general consensus is that vampires have no blood on their own. But, well... They kinda need to have that. Especially if like me you wanna write some nice hot smut. Because here is the thing: No blood. No boner. No blood. No wet pussy. Both things depend on blood being there. So, yeah, they need blood.

Also it should be noted that basically in all vampire media we still see vampires bleed. Which I find kinda funny in Baldur's Gate, where there has been so much effort in thinking through how bloodlessness would affect Astarion's look. Yet... We see Astarion and the other vampires bleed, which they cannot do if they don't have blood. (Duh.)

Vampires and Regeneration

My vampires can regenerate normal wounds by taking a moment to focus on them. To put it into TTRPG terms: They can regenerate by taking one round of concentration on them. Which makes it a bit harder to regenerate during combat, but outside of it, it is rather easy. Though obviously it takes a bit longer to regenerate bigger wounds.

There is however some limits. Magical wounds cannot be healed like this. While they will still usually heal faster than with a human, they cannot just regenerate that kind of damage within minutes. Also it takes energy to regenerate. So if a vampire is hungry and has not fed in a while they regeneration slows considerably.

Vampires and Sleep

Speaking of regeneration... Vampires physically do not need to sleep. Their body does not develop exhaustion in the way mortal beings would. As such they do not need to sleep for the kind of regeneration that normal folks need.

However... Their mind does. Sleep is something that we also need for our psyche to process things we have experiences, to process things we learned. So if a vampire does not sleep, they will not do this processing... Which is not only bad for memory, but also for their psyche. This also means that a lot of vampires (due to what I talked about in another blog) do kinda struggle with this. As sleep brings nightmares, but not sleeping lets those nightmares seep into a reality.

Vampires and Fertility

Then there is the last thing. Vampires and their fertility. Another thing I spend too much time thinking about. So, what I came to: Most vampires with the cock and balls anatomy will stay fertile, as their fertility does not take up a lot of biological effort. Meanwhile vampires with ovaries loose their fertility some point during the first ten years after being turned. Because, let's face it... I don't want to put an eternity of periods onto anyone lol

As such it is possible for fullblooded vampires to be born - but it is rare.

So yeah. That is in general the rules I use for vampires in my writing.

#vampires #vampire bite #castlevania #castlevania netflix #castlevania nocturne #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #headcanon #worldbuilding

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theresattrpgforthat · 1 year

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THEME: System-Neutral Settings (Fantasy Edition)

Sometimes what you need, rather than a new ruleset, is a setting that makes your system sing. These are a series of system-neutral settings that you can pick up, borrow from, or use wholesale in a game of your choice!

All of these settings would work very well in fantasy or fantasy-like games.

Into the Riverlands, by Ostrichmonkey Games.

The Riverlands rests at the heart of the world. A great current of life and movement that winds and weaves its way through the mountains and valleys of the central continent. The Riverlands stretch from the south to the far north, acting as the lifeblood of continental travel and trade.

The Riverlands are a region of vibrancy and mystery. A colorful mosaic of peoples that call it home, and the strange twilight forest that surrounds it. Explore the bustling and vibrant City of Bridges, the mysterious and primeval Forest, the distant and crumbling Empire, and even further afield.

The backgrounds of The Riverlands have interesting themes, from the mercurial Trickster-Poet to the strange Forest Dweller, to the patient Marsh Apiarist. Picking up a game that is very light on rules, such as Tunnel Goons or Into the Odd, would allow you to slot in a character that fits inside the Riverlands without having to carry as much of the dungeon-delving as traditional OSR games.

Ultraviolet Grasslands and the Black City, by WTF Studio.

The Ultraviolet Grasslands and the Black City is a tabletop role-playing game book, half setting, half adventure, and half epic trip; inspired by psychedelic heavy metal, the Dying Earth genre, and classic Oregon Trail games. It leads a group of ‘heroes’ into the depths of a vast and mythic steppe filled with the detritus of time and space and fuzzy riffs.

This game is designed with a d20 game in mind but much of the setting feels very fitting for an OSR-style regardless of the dice you use. There are 200 pages of interesting locations with encounter tables and plot seeds. Some of the locations in this city include The Porcelain Citadel, The Steppe of the Lime Nomads, The Glass Bridge and The Forest of Meat. The world is weird and resists the tones of high fantasy by populating the world with insectoids, fungal colonies, strange drugs and ancient machines. If you want acid fantasy that mixes the in a bit of weird science or post-apocalypse, this is the setting for you. The designer of this setting also has a free player guide, as well as a creature generator supplement.

Into the Wyrd and Wild, by Feral Indie Studio.

Beyond the reach of roads, past the scope of mortals there is a darkened place. A shadowed tree-line where no-one dares cross and whose boundaries go undisturbed.

This is not the woods of peaceful fey and beast, but the dark and twisted children’s tale that kept you full of terror. It is a world of fear, madness, and bloodshed; ruled over by the uncaring watch of ancient trees. There is no bargaining with the primal forces that rule the uncivilized world, as you have nothing they could ever want.

The woods do not care for you. Never forget that.

Another dark fantasy setting, Into the Wyrd and Wild includes more than a list of beasts and NPCs for the characters to encounter. It includes a way to think about money in the setting, how to emphasize exhaustion, and various other rules that demonstrate the danger and violence to be found inside the Wilds. One of my favourite sections of the book is about the Court of Broken Branches, a faction built out of abandoned children, stitched up with silver stitches and led by a magical Queen. An incredibly evocative setting and a top-tier piece of work in terms of design.

Guidebook to the Viridian Maw, by Orbis Tertius Press.

This 24-page PDF of the digest-sized zine contains fodder for a wilderness sandbox campaign in the Viridian Maw: an overgrown meteor crater, mutated and reshaped by fungal influence. To get a sense of it, check out the free download for the one-page version of the setting.

Everything is system neutral & stats agnostic, though the material is written with genre assumptions leaning toward D&D/OSR games (but usable for games like Apocalypse World or Dungeon World, too).

If you want a game that sinks your players deep into a thick, dangerous forest, this is a great option for you. There are tons of great descriptions of beasts and plants that your characters can encounter, including Driftnettle, a floating kelp-like creature that prey on the unaware and asleep, and the Sporehorn elk, a symbiotic partnership between an elk and a colony of fungi. Much of the encounters you’ll find in this zine will prompt changes to characters that make them weirder, so it might be a good idea to let your players know about that before playing in this setting.

This game works for dark fantasy, but I’ve also used it as inspiration for a Changeling: the Lost game as well!

Into the Sea Woods, by Diwata Ng Manila.

The Sea-Woods is the way it has always been: just beyond the village, across a wall that bars the rest of the roots from coming forward. No one ever knew why that wall was built. Was it meant to keep the Woods out or keep the Village in? One thing's for sure, things changed when a tree stood up from its spot and punched a part of the wall until it collapsed. It then promptly walked deeper into the woods, clearing through a small path.

Never heard of a tree walking before? Ah, then you really must be new here, aren't you?

This is a small collection of micro-settings that are whimsical and evocative. This is more of a friendly forest than a scary one - great for setting a Studio-Ghibli kind of tone. There’s a bit of a formatting issue with the current version, but the ideas present in each setting give a great amount of inspiration for making locations that feel safe and yet unique for your play group. My favourite is the Cabin, a house that always has a warm cup of tea and a freshly made bed, despite having no visible caretaker. Rumour has it the Keeper only appears at night, and if she does, she’ll bet her heart on a game of poker. I've also used inspiration from this setting in a Changeling game before, to great success!

The Gardens of Ynn, by Dying Stylishly Games.

The Gardens of Ynn is a point-crawl adventure set in an ever-shifting extradimensional garden. Each expodition generates its route as it explores, resulting in new vistas being unlocked with every visit. It's a big garden full of whimsy and delight and surreal perils.

The Gardens of Ynn are a constantly re-arranging set of gardens that act as a magical maze. As a point-crawl adventure, this is a great option for a point-crawl game, but it might also be an interesting piece of inspiration for a horror game of some kind. This book begins with some basic lore about the Gardens themselves, followed by a d20 table that adds how deep you are in the Gardens to determine which area you happen upon next. Each area has a description, and many areas have additional roll tables to determine what can be found, or what kinds of encounters you might find within.

#tabletop games #game recommendations #indie ttrpgs #system-neutral #dnd

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aching-tummies · 8 months

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Milk Tummy

Woke up and decided to be extremely mean to my poor tummy. I chugged about 2 cups of 2% milk first thing in the morning. Bear in mind, we pretty much never have milk in the house and the main source of milk/dairy in my normal life is the tablespoon or two found in coffee.

The stethoscope was an amazing investment. I put it on my belly along my left side, just under my ribs, as I chugged the milk, swallowing in large gulps. It gurgled the whole way into my stomach. I kneaded into my belly for a few minutes, trying to kickstart my digestive organs--just woke up and all that--I heard the most amazing, liquidly gurgles as well as felt the milk begin to leave my stomach-organ in waves--going down where it's sure to wreak havoc.

I'm almost certainly going to regret this within the hour as my intestines cramp horribly. I don't think I can even remember if there was a time when I had this much milk in my system this quickly.

Send me some inspiration? What would you do to my milkly belly as it cramps horribly, churning up with milk that's guaranteed to curdle and upset the works? I'm not exactly lactose-intolerant or anything (at least, I don't think so)…but milk in quantities more than a tablespoon or two usually results in nasty cramps in my intestines--the kind that feel like they're tied in knots and tightening.

#tummy kink #tummy ache kink #upset tummy #milk filled belly

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rottenshotgungames · 19 days

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Alright, let’s talk about what everyone’s here for: cool powers

Footfall Devlog 2

This Devlog will be covering the basics of what Footfall is and the challenges of making a game so heavily inspired by immersive sims.

So, without further ado:

What Is Footfall?

Footfall is an occult-industrial stealth-action rpg inspired by Dishonored, Mistborn, and Bloodborne. It aims to emulate the systemic ecosystem and emergent gameplay of immersive sims, particularly the fast, creative, movement-centric gameplay of Dishonored.

You play as Gifted of the Watchman, the god of stories and action. You are functional demigods, arcane in nature and forever part of a great cosmic play of chaos and change.

Some basics about how the game is played before going forward:

You get 3 Action Points at the beginning of your turn, each action point representing a period of 2 seconds.

If you do something cool, succeed on a check by 1 or less, or arrive to a dangerous Encounter fashionably late, you can get a point of Adrenaline. Adrenaline allows you to take an extra Action—even on another creature’s turn—or increase the size of the die you roll on a Check. You can only have up to 3 Adrenaline at a time.

Movement is measured in ~3 foot increments labeled "Strides." These are about the average length of a walking stride, and tend to be measured with one's arm.

There’s an interactive, yet digestible, physics engine at play. More about that can be found here.

The Question

The first question one must ask when creating a TTRPG about movement, and probably the easiest to answer, is how to make it interesting. When I say easy, I more-so mean that this is something you’re probably thinking about before you’ve even started writing anything down. This is a question you probably both asked and answered as part of the “I have a cool idea!” phase; at least, that’s what happened with me.

My answer was

Arcane Locomotion

During conceptualization, I decided a traditional class structure was right out. Instead I leaned toward a VtM-style power-centered progression system, with the various “Disciplines” (here called Gifts) covering individual forms of otherworldly movement. Because the spell system is the core of the game—something presumably every player character will be using—I decided that cost-based casting limitation (spell slots in D&D, sanity in CoC) would’ve been an exceptionally poor fit, and randomization limitation (disciplines in VtM, psychic powers in Traveller) has never sat well with me; I ultimately landed on a style of consequence-limitation using heat-management gameplay:

Entropy Quick Reference - Gained by taking the Power action. Cleared by taking an action without gaining Entropy. Once you have 3 or more, you take 2 damage and cannot use any powers for 2 rounds.

As for the powers themselves: First I’m going to provide an overview of the steps of conceptualization and implementation, then I’m going to walk you through the process of applying those steps to one of the Gifts, and finally I’ll show you the current state of each Gift (with some designer’s notes).

The process used is as follows:

Assign a unique form of supernatural movement, or an otherworldly ability that allows for unique interactions with one’s environment.

Identify the core niche of that ability, in what situations does it shine brightest? (i.e. Combat, Stealth, Support)

Create a base power (this one comes with your Xbox) that provides a type of mobility (e.g. social, hidden, group) within the established niche.

Create additional powers that support the Gift’s niche.

Playtest and identify weakpoints in powers and interesting additions to their capabilities.

Create Addendums that modify powers with those weaknesses and possible additions in mind.

Playtest again.

Design Note: A goal of this system is to create interactivity between powers—I want people to figure out cool and unique solutions to the problems they are presented, it’s a core aspect of the design ethos. That means that, during playtesting, a power doing something unexpected shouldn’t be flagged as a problem, it should be flagged as a success.

The Gift of Passage

1. Teleportation. This is gonna be our baseline power set, teleportation is what people think of when they hear “supernatural movement.”

2. Stealth. Teleportation, beyond getting people places quickly (or to places they normally can’t reach), is particularly suited for moving unnoticed.

3. Three aspects factored heavily into the design of this base power: 1.) Teleportation as a baseline. To represent this, this power resets your Momentum and Fall Height to 0. 2.) Teleportation as stealth. To represent this, not only does this power move you unseen, it actively degenerates enemy awareness. 3.) Teleportation as breaking rules. This one was pretty simple—you can teleport to a location without line of sight, so doors and walls can’t block your movement.

4. Two of the three additional powers are, at their base level of conception, just different forms of teleportation. One of them (Sharp Displace) allows you to swap places with another creature or object, and the other (Prepared Recall) is a normal teleport that reverts you back to your original position at the end of your turn. Both of these powers have stealth capabilities beyond Radio Motion’s removal of Notice, particularly Sharp Displace, which contains the following statement: “If you swap places with a conscious creature, make a Stealth check. On a success, the creature comes up with some sort of excuse as to why it isn’t where it was a second ago.” The exception to both of these rules is Flash Step, which act as a parry-and-riposte in short-teleport form (almost every Gift has one of these).

6. During preliminary playtesting, one of the playtesters asked if “swapping positions with Sharp Displace also meant swapping momentums.” I immediately said, “No, obviously not,” but we both agreed that it would be incredibly cool and fun . . . so I added an Addendum that makes it so you can do that exact thing (Momentous Swap). This was the basic process for creating many of the Addendums.

7. Further playtesting has (so far) not revealed any problems. The Gift of Passage is strong in its niche, and sets itself apart from similar power sets (e.g. Gift of Doors).

Here’s the final product:

The Gift of Reaching

Supernatural Movement: Body extension

Niche: Combat, enemy positioning.

Design Note: This was one of two Gifts that had to undergo complete overhauls after testing (the other being Tempo).

The Gift of Pushing

Supernatural Movement: Kinetic projection

Niche: Combat, crowd control.

Design Note: This Gift is the most aggressive and directly combative. It also hasn’t been revisited in a while.

The Gift of Tempo

Supernatural Movement: Time manipulation

Niche: Assault, self-buffs and enemy denial.

Design Note: This Gift is one of two to be actively designed to limit its interactivity with other Gifts (the other being Possession). Time powers are REALLY difficult to balance.

The Gift of Doors

Supernatural Movement: Portals

Niche: Support, group and object movement.

Design Note: This is the gift that most heavily engages with the physics engine, and everyone who picks it up has an ungodly amount of fun (they also tend to be STEM majors).

The Gift of Shadows

Supernatural Movement: Shadow form and manipulation

Niche: Stealth, remaining hidden while acting upon one’s environment.

Design Note: This one is inspired by an old forum RP superhero character I had. It was also kinda lacking up until the recent light update—note to all would-be shadow-ability designers, they work better with light sources.

The Gift of Possession

Supernatural Movement: Entering and manipulating living creatures

Niche: Stealth, social. Hide in plain sight.

Design Note: Up until this point, every iteration of Dancing Puppet has been too powerful in combat and too weak out of combat. Adding the “No direct harm” clause has balanced it out quite a bit, but I’m still not happy with it. Gonna ask a player in the next playtest to take it in hopes that they might inspire some innovation.

The Gift of Mirrors

Supernatural Movement: Self duplication

Niche: Support

Design Note: Matthew Mercer made my favorite 5e subclass and I shall forever live in shame. I haven’t played D&D 5e in years, and I still love Echo Knight.

Conclusion:

There are two big lessons that I want to leave you with today:

Weaponize Playtesting.

Have your cake and eat it too.

When people think of playtesting, they often see it as solely a means to find flaws within their game or to reaffirm design decisions that they’ve made. If we extrapolate that idea—expand its scope—what we come to understand is that playtesting is a means of gauging which aspects of your game that players find engaging or frustrating, and if we look at it from that perspective then we can use playtesting data to determine how to make engaging additions. Sure, players don’t always know what they want, but even if we just look at how they’re playing we can see how they’re attempting to interact with the game and thereby deduce what additions to the formula might make the game more fun for them. This process is what I mean by Weaponizing Playtesting, using playtesting data to help plan how you want your game to develop in the future.

As for having your cake and eating it too, I have a sincere preference for classless games (I never really liked PbTA style Playbooks all that much either), but I understand the appeal of class based games. Classes give you structure, they give you a basic plan to follow in terms of how your character will develop all united under a connective theme. For new and experienced players alike starting with a class then building a character around it can be incredibly helpful, perhaps even inspiring; however, classes are ultimately restrictive, they require you to play within their rules—your understanding of your character’s capabilities will always be, by necessity, grounded in the abilities of their chosen class. Ultimately, I wanted the structural inspiration that classes can provide and the freedom of choice that comes with classless play—the Gifts were my solution, and I think they’ve done a stellar job of providing both.

Self Promotion:

Hey y’all, sorry for the short hiatus. Work has been killing me recently.

If you wanna check out my other games, and get updated when the Footfall free playtest goes live, follow me on Itch.io! If you want more devlogs, and more rpg design talk, follow me here or on twitter.

Either way, I hope you have a great night and a great day.

#indie ttrpg #tabletop #ttrpg #ttrpg community #footfall rpg #game design #role playing games #rpg #this took up the bulk of design #writing and testing these is always super fun #i love seeing what people do with them

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cassiesdevblog · 7 months

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I Don't Wanna Know Anything!!!!!

Don't try to teach me anything!! I don't want to know any of it! ...Why?

Because this terrifies me...

...and this doesn't!!

So don't tell me anything! .....Except what I actually need to know!

I want to zero in on the Binding of Isaac's seemingly lackadaisical approach to teaching players. This is a game loaded with hundreds and hundreds of different items with various effects, and the biggest effort it makes toward explaining what any of them do is never more than one short line of text, which is sometimes more of a catchphrase than an item description

This is enough for some people to call Isaac a "wiki game," and many will say you should just download the mod that puts a detailed description in the corner of the screen before you pick up an item, but I'm here to make the case against that

As a new player trying to get into Dead Cells (the game I pictured above with the detailed item descriptions), I found it overwhelming to try and digest all the information given to me every time I found a new item. The deluge of stats and attributes made it all feel super important, like I was already being expected to carefully consider every morsel of info while I was still trying to get to grips with the basic controls and movement. I'm sure some people are into that kind of thing, but I dropped the game fast

And I think the big question here is: would I need all this information to have fun?

Isaac's answer would be a firm no!!! You can pick the game up, not understand half the items you find, and have a blast anyway. Most of the time though, you'll have enough of an idea of what something does just by the short blurb of a description that you can make effective use of it without needing all the details

I think it would be awful if the game had the item descriptions mod (pictured above) preloaded by default. I'd like to think I'd just say "I'm not reading all that" if I found it overwhelming, but it's hard to ignore juicy, helpful information. After all, the player's job is to win, and it's the designer's job to make that process engaging

Not only that, but Isaac's approach actually removes the decision making from the process entirely for new players, because it doesn't give you any information until you pick the item up. If you waltz into an item room and see something you've never seen before, are you just not gonna pick it up? No, of course you just take it, and if you regret it later, that'll stick in your mind and you'll remember it next time. As you play, you'll gradually build your knowledge of what each item does, and eventually the game will be full of interesting decisions because of it

The short, catchy "item descriptions" are perfect for this purpose. It's easy for them to get stuck in your brain so they can help jog your memory next time you see the item. After playing enough, I've found myself reciting the ones I remember in my head before even picking an item up

It's a system that works great for all kinds of players, because the game is already fun even when you know nothing (plus, it's fun to discover what items do organically!), but you can reach new heights of strategy by naturally building a well of knowledge as you play, usually without even trying to

...Alrighty, so that's all nice and ideal, but what if players just crack open the wiki anyway and drag out the pace and volume of information waaaaaaay more than they would by downloading the item descriptions mod?

Well... I think that's fun too actually! If you're willing to go to the effort to go to the wiki and type in the name of every item you see before you pick it up, it's probably because you're super engaged with the game and you're in the mood to gather knowledge so you can make super informed decisions

Speaking personally, I sometimes do play with the wiki open if I'm in the right mood for it. But even then, I only actually look something up if I really want that extra advantage. The slight inconvenience of having to type into a search bar means I don't overdo it and suck the fun out of it. Rather, I generally only use it when I'm in the sort of mood where I find it fun!

Isaac is able to match so many people's moods and levels of experience by sparing the details and encouraging curiosity, discovery, and long-term accumulation of information, rather than trying to make sure you know everything upfront. I kind of think this is at least half of the game's secret sauce...!!! Seriously!

So if you ask me, the next time you want to tell your player something, you should ask yourself:

Do they need to know this to have fun?

(btw me and my friends just finished a whole ass game go play it)

#gamedev #indiedev #game design #trans game dev

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conscydraws · 6 months

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Here's one of my entries for the @mxtxfoodzine done in collaboration with my old friend Aseneth.

And here comes a story how we created it.

The goal was to create a dish that can be a gesture of love and require some dedication to cook. Something that warms you up from within and make you sigh with delight after you are done with the meal. A crispy clay pot rice dish was picked almost randomly. Aseneth saw it and was like yeah, look how wholesome and hearty it looks! It has everything: meat, mushrooms, egg and veggies! Let's make it!

Can't say it was easy tho. Neither of us had clay pots and gas stoves, so it was a quest in itself to find the right pot and an alternative way to cook the dish.

Now I can say with confidence that Asian (Korean) pots for soup or porridge work the best. They are wide and have rounded bottoms which are perfect for fitting the ingredients and forming a crust on rice. And it's nice to eat directly from them.

I've tried a number of crispy clay pot rice recipes. I made my mind that I absolutely must add pork belly there, cause I was confident Wuxian will appreciate it. You have no idea how many ways there are to cook a pork belly in China. I had no idea as well. I've bought and used ingredients which I've never tried before. I've ruined my digestion system in the process of trying variants. And yet everything seemed a bit off. Luckily I've found a recipe of cured pork belly from a 103 old woman, which her granddaughter carefully wrote down and shared with the world. And after several more attempts to squeeze some vegetables into the recipe I finally gave up and took the route of traditional approach with that special cured pork belly. The dish became balanced at last. And marinated veggies served separately turned out to make the best garnish because of their sour taste, which suited the warm meaty, oily and earthy tones of the clay pot rice. Finally I was content. This recipe was designed for Wangji to make. It had to be nothing but perfect. And it should be cooked according to Chinese cuisine traditions.

We also wanted to show how meticulous Wangji can be with cooking. That's why he's looking at the cup like he's up to murder. He's just looking very closely if this is the right amount of broth to add to the rice. The recipe is written in academic style for the same reason.

So yeah, that's the story of our 9-month journey of creating this. Was super fun and exiting, I had perfect excuses to visit my friend more frequently than usual. But at times titiring and frustrating, cause oftentimes things didn't go as planned and were very time consuming. I'm totally up to repeating a similar experience in a year or two tho :D

I'll be very glad if someone will cook this and tell me or show me how it turned out. I hope you'll like it as much as I do! 😁

#conscydraws #mxtxfoodzine #mxtx #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #lan wangji #wei wuxian #crispy clay pot rice #chinese cuisine

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thestalkerbunny · 5 months

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I had the oddest dream last night.

Aliens had finally contacted earth. Their ship was sort of classic in it's own way-plate like, more of a glowing disk of light than a ship. And they sent down like this message.

'We want to make contact, but many of us on board are sick. We don't want to risk cross contamination with you and accidently infect you. Please send a soft tissue sample for us to run tests on to make sure you can't catch what we have.'

So after the usual long drawn out debate that happens in politics and government and all that bullshit, this soft tissue sample is given to the ship. Which instead of like a tractor beam or whatever, it was these long sort of tentacles that came down that were organic and inorganic and pulled the sample case up into the ship.

And after a while of time, we finally get a message back of 'We've run some tests, you don't seem susceptible to what we have, contact should be okay.'

And we finally get footage of the first contact and the aliens are just. Very small. They're shaped and about the size of Italian greyhounds and had this soft pinkish skin that was also translucent so you could see all their organs functioning and these glossy fish like eyes and they trembled whenever they would stop moving like they were cold. And they had these soft little voices, like little kids or fluttershy from my little pony.

And they said the reason why they came here is because they are expecting to die soon. They understood from the start that their mission of exploration would be an indefinite one-way trip-that they would never return home, and their bodies are so vastly changed from what they started as-having evolved and changed to support their conscious minds during the 'light travel', it's highly possible that they wouldn't even be recognized even if they were to get home. They were all just very very ill and did not expect to live much longer and if they were to all die, they would like to do it on nice soft warm ground rather than the cold interior of their ship. That this was the one kindness they asked of the dominate life form of this foreign planet was the luxury to pass away peacefully on the ground.

The dream kinda got spotty around there-you know how when your brain is gradually waking up it starts skipping around?

But apparently these little chicken greyhound things just had a form of a cold and some nightquil and chicken noodle soup fixed that right up and they all got very nice clothes to wear because they no longer grew hair on their bodies and were perpetually chilled by the open air.

And they went to a state dinner but their digestive system and their mouths were so changed-they basically needed everything blended into a smooth paste so their weird anteater like mouths could slurp it up and just weirdly enough-America was endeared to these little raw chicken dog things. And people started to informally call their race 'Lakias' after the dog that went to space and never got to come home-given their reference to them knowing their trip into space was going to be a one way visit. (they never actually disclosed the name of their race)

As for their ship it's like...harder to explain. We didn't get much out of it because it was made from a mineral not found on Earth and an energy source foreign to Earth that was just impossible to replicate.

But at least we got some cool dogs out of it.

#TSB talks #Dreams #Weird #Strange #Aliens #Alien #Little naked greyhound babies

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wantsobadminsung · 5 months

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Something More 🫢 🌠 💖

I sat nervously on the couch, my heart pounding in my chest. Minho and Jisung, my two best friends, stood in front of me, their expressions a mix of anxiousness and hopefulness. Something seemed off, and I couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"YN," Minho began, his voice trembling slightly. "There's something we really need to talk to you about."

Jisung nodded in agreement, his gaze filled with vulnerability. "Yeah, it's been on our minds for a while now, and we thought it was time to share it with you."

My mind raced, searching for any hint of what they were about to say. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this conversation would take such a turn. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves, and nodded for them to continue.

Minho took a step closer, his eyes never leaving mine. "YN, we've been through so much together, and our bond has grown stronger over the years. But lately, Jisung and I have come to realize something profound. We share deep feelings for you, not just as friends, but as something more."

I felt my heart skip a beat as Jisung spoke up, his voice filled with emotion. "We've discussed it countless times and eventually realized that we both want you to be a part of our lives in a romantic way. We want to share our love and everything we have with you, if you're willing."

My mind spun, struggling to comprehend the weight of their words. Minho and Jisung, the pillars of my support system, my confidants, were now confessing their romantic feelings for me. I had never considered the possibility of being in a relationship with both of them at once, but their sincerity and vulnerability were undeniable.

A mixture of confusion and curiosity bubbled within me as I finally found my voice. "I...I don't know what to say," I stammered, my eyes darting between their hopeful faces. "This is so unexpected, and I need time to process everything."

Their expressions softened, mirroring their understanding for my need to digest this monumental revelation. "Of course, YN," Minho said gently, his eyes brimming with earnestness. "We understand that this might come as a shock. Take all the time you need."

I nodded, grateful for their understanding and patience. This was uncharted territory, and I needed to reflect on my own feelings and explore what it meant to enter into a relationship with two people who meant the world to me.

As they left, giving me the space I requested, I sank back into the couch, my mind buzzing with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. The love and support I received from Minho and Jisung were undeniable, and now they were offering me a deeper level of connection. It was a journey I couldn't embark on hastily, but one I was certainly willing to explore.

With newfound determination, I promised myself to face this situation with an open heart and an open mind. There was no denying the love I felt for both of them, and perhaps this unexpected twist of fate could lead us down a path of beautiful possibilities.

Days turned into weeks as I continued to mull over Minho and Jisung's profound confession. I couldn't deny the flutter of excitement that danced within me whenever I thought about the possibility of being with both of them romantically. But at the same time, doubt and uncertainty crept in, questioning whether such a relationship could truly work.

One evening, I found myself seated across from Minho and Jisung at our favorite café. They had given me the time and space I needed, and now it was time for a heartfelt conversation. The air was thick with anticipation as I took a deep breath and opened up.

"Minho, Jisung, I've thought long and hard about what you've shared with me, and I have to say, it's a lot to process," I began, my voice shaky but sincere.

Minho reached for my hand, his touch comforting and grounding. "We understand, YN. We didn't expect you to come to a decision so quickly. Take all the time you need, and know that we support you no matter what."

His words eased my anxieties, reminding me of the unwavering bond we shared. But deep within, I knew that I couldn't keep them waiting indefinitely. I owed it to myself and to them to be honest and transparent.

"I want you both to know that I care deeply for both of you. Our friendship means the world to me, and the idea of exploring a romantic relationship with you is enticing," I explained, my words laced with sincerity. "But I'm also aware that entering into this kind of dynamic requires trust, communication, and a willingness to navigate uncharted territories."

Jisung nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "You're right, YN. It won't be easy, and we're fully aware of the challenges we might face. But we're willing to put in the effort, to learn, and to grow together."

Their unwavering commitment melted away my remaining doubts, leaving only a glimmer of hope. I took a deep breath, realizing that this was a leap of faith I was willing to take.

"Minho, Jisung, I'm willing to give this a chance," I confessed, a hint of excitement peeking through my words. "But let's take it slow and make sure that we're all on the same page. We'll navigate through the uncertainties together, and if our love can withstand the test of time and complexities, then I believe wonderful things can happen."

A collective sigh of relief filled the space between us as smiles broke across their faces. It was a pivotal moment, marking the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. While the road ahead was uncertain, we had each other to lean on, supporting and uplifting one another every step of the way.

As we sat there, basking in the joy and possibilities that lay before us, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and courage we shared. Together, we were embarking on a journey that would challenge societal norms, but it was a journey we were ready to embrace, knowing that our bond was strong enough to weather any storm.

And so, with hearts intertwined and a love that transcended friendship, Minho, Jisung, and I began our adventure—united in our pursuit of a unique, beautiful, and unconventional love story.

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eds6ngel · 9 months

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my way of life ! ˚ ♡ ⋆｡˚

summary: six months into your relationship, you teach eddie how to help change your stoma bag -- a huge part of your everyday life.

warnings: gn!reader. modern!au? (i don't know the history of stomas). mentions of illness. mentions of hospitals. mentions of procedure. mentions of food. mentions of scars. swearing. established relationship. fluff. comfort. eddie being a gentle bean and extra supportive!! [1.9k].

authors note: hi everyone!! i thought i'd take it upon myself to do a lil bit of education and write a fic which is very important to my life. i got a stoma fitted last year and have always had fears of relationships since then. so for my one year stoma anniversary last week, i thought i'd write a fic of eddie learning about how to change a stoma bag as well as everyone reading to gain a little bit of knowledge. hope you enjoy and hopefully learn something!! by the way, this is my way of changing my stoma bag. i do not speak for all ostomates and our bag change routine can vary from person to person!!

ulcerative colitis. noun. : a chronic disease in which abnormal reactions of the immune system cause inflammation and ulcers on the inner lining of your large intestine.

stoma. noun. : an opening on the abdomen that can be connected to either your digestive or urinary system to allow waste (urine or faeces) to be diverted out of your body.

“Okay, could you pass me the can of spray over?”

Living with a long-term health condition was not the easiest. You got taken into hospital at the age of seven when you started having violent nausea. You couldn’t stomach a thing, even water was an issue by the end. After running many different tests and scans, it turned out your colon had become super inflamed, leading to your diagnosis of ulcerative colitis. Usually, it can be kept under control, but you were unfortunately too far gone, your colon on the brink of bursting from its inflammation, which could have led to your potential death.

So, after emergency surgery and a wonderful three weeks in the hospital, you returned home with the end of your intestine permanently sewn onto the outside of your body with a bag attached. You were thankful it wasn’t anything too harmful, if anything, you could still live a regularly normal life. Yet, there was always one worry at the back of your mind. Future relationships.

The worries starting coming in at the age of thirteen, as soon as you hit puberty. All your girl friends were gushing about boys, kissing and dating, whilst you contemplated whether anyone would even want you. That was until you met Eddie.

Eddie Munson was well-known around the town of Hawkins as the residential freak. He was accused of sacrificing teenage girls to young children, even babies to the Devil. Yet, he was always confident within himself, never letting that label drag him down. And that confidence made you fall for him hard. And at the time, you didn’t realise that the metalhead was also eyeing you lovingly from a distance.

After years of pining, you two finally got together. You couldn’t hide your condition, especially in the way that it limits the types of foods you can eat. When you were sat at Benny’s Burgers for your first date, Eddie ordered a basket of fries to share between the two of you, but when they came with the skin on, you sat there munching away at your salad-free burger, avoiding the food that could potentially cause you a lot of pain.

After freaking Eddie out for not touching the fries, feeling as if he did something wrong, you went on a mini rant all about your condition, leading to Eddie not caring in the slightest and ordering you two baskets of onion rings in replacement.

You always assumed that your extra planning would become an issue at some point in time, but it never did. Eddie would call you up, ask you out on a date, and follow up telling you the place name with the food available and accessibility of the venue. The first time he did this, you sobbed down the phone at his caring nature, the words of “I phoned the place and they have a disabled bathroom and lots of pasta options, so it’s not a problem for you,” still ringing in your ear to this day.

Today was your bag change day. As the years went by, you went from changing your bag every single day to every four days, much more manageable in your hectic high school schedule. However, since you sometimes got the odd bag malfunction, either through tears, overflows or the material not working correctly, you decided to teach Eddie how to change your bag with you, as it’s always better to have two people than one in an emergency.

Eddie hands you over the can of spray, you shaking it and taking off the lid, “Okay, so what I do, which I’ll probably do myself anyway, is just grab the corner of the sticky part and spray at it. It doesn’t take much, I can usually do a quick spray, peel it back, and then repeat. Pretty much how you would use any spray to peel off anything in life.”

Eddie mumbles an “Okay,” watching with intent as you spray and peel, taking the bag off and throwing it in the waste bag you had sat next to you. “Right,” you begin, “Now, one of these dry wipes, I’ll just stick over the top of the stoma, just in case it becomes active and wants to release anything. You never know with this thing,” you softly laugh.

“Okay baby, your time to shine,” you say to him, Eddie fully ready to become a helping hand, “Take one of those dry wipes and dunk it in that warm water for me, and then just wring it out like you would any old towel.”

He copies your steps, the dry wipe becoming wet as it absorbs the water, Eddie grabbing it in the palm of his hand and squeezing the water out. You smile at him, passing him back the can of spray, “Great, now you see this residue here?” you ask, pointing to the black ring on your stomach where your stoma bag had been placed, him nodding as you continue, “We need to remove this. So, just spray the wipe for me and then gently scrub off the residue.”

He wraps his hand underneath the unfolded wipe, gripping it in a comfortable position and spraying the end, leaning over, his tongue poking out in concentration, as he tends to the black residue. He places one hand softly on the side of your stomach, scrubbing away at the stain, before looking up to you with the biggest doe-eyes, softly asking you, “Is that good?”

It was a bit rough, some patches still having some residue, so you encourage him to spray multiple times, one attempt usually not enough to tackle the entire black ring, and how it could cause a slight rash if you scrub too aggressively, something you learnt the hard way.

“Next job, we need to actually clean the stoma itself, because it’s always a little yucky,” you tell him with a laugh, “So, just wet another wipe and then we’re just gonna wipe all that crap away, okay?”

“Seems pretty simple,” he shrugs, dipping another wipe in the water, ringing it out as you lift up the dry wipe and discard it in the waste bag. He attends to your stoma as carefully as possible, you giggling as you say, “The actual stoma doesn’t hurt baby, it doesn’t have any nerve endings.”

“Oh,” he lets out, “That’s kinda badass.” You laugh at his statement, nobody ever complimenting you in that regard before. It was a strange compliment, but it was Eddie, so not only was it very him, you also enjoyed every bit of it.

Two wet wipes later, and the stoma is clean, him discarding the dirty wipes in the black, waste bag and you putting a fresh dry wipe over the stoma. “Okay, the final two steps are kinda a ‘watch and learn’ type of thing. So, I’ll just talk you through it if that’s okay?”

He smiles, “Of course my love, teach me the ways of the stoma bag changing,” he dramatically acts, pressing a quick peck to your cheek. You laugh as you ask, “Could you pass me that yellow-coloured ring please?”

“As you wish, m’lady,” he speaks in a posh accent, bowing and holding out the ring between both of his hands, as if some sort of luxury.

“Thank you, kind sir,” you replicate him in his voice, peeling off the two plastic outers, “Right, so you kinda just mould this, I suppose. You press it down,” you demonstrate, using the base of your fingers to increase the area of the pelican ring, pressing it down so it is flatter, and stretching it slightly. “Now, you just put it right around the stoma,” you state, placing the ring perfectly snug around the red stub.

“How did you even get that right first time?” Eddie asks in a confused manner, questioning how you placed it around your stoma so perfectly.

“Practice makes perfect. How do you manage to play Master of Puppets with no mistakes?”

“You know what? Good point,” he says with a grin, “So, what is the final step to this perfect routine? I assume it is this wonderful thing,” he says, holding up your black stoma bag between his fingers, shaking it with a content smile on his face.

“You would be correct,” you confirm, taking it from his hands, “Again, peel off the plastic back. A lot of excess plastic in this process,” you laugh, taking off the back and throwing it in the waste bag for a final time. “Now, watch and learn baby. I fold this part, so the hole is split down the middle, I line the bottom of the fold up with the bottom of the stoma, and boom! Fold it over so it fits around it and we’re done!”

“Is that seriously it?” he asks, checking to make sure there’s no more extra steps.

“Uh huh,” you brightly say, “That’s all. I just press down on it to make sure it sticks to my skin well and then get dressed like any other normal human being.”

“Hey,” he points a finger at you, staring into your eyes, “You are normal, okay? You’re no different to me than any girl who wouldn’t have their beautiful red, stubby intestine on the outside of their body,” he presses a kiss to your forehead, grabbing the waste bag, tying it up and heading out to his kitchen to throw it in the trash.

“You know, you’re the only one making intestines sound like gorgeous things,” you giggle as he returns to his bedroom, running up to the bed and jumping on top of you, playfully nibbling at the skin on your chest and littering kisses all over your face.

“They are beautiful! Why on Earth are you suggesting otherwise?” he questions, laying his head on your stomach, directly next to your stoma bag.

“Because they are gross!” you exclaim with a laugh, “You haven’t touched the thing! It’s so odd!”

“Well,” he places a kiss on your stomach, “Whenever I next see you change this thing, I wanna touch it. Prove to you it isn’t that gross.”

You stroke his hair as you look into his chocolate brown eyes, whispering out an “Okay.”

“Besides,” he vocalizes, stroking the scar that covers right down the centre of your stomach, “You have this beautiful, badass scar that I get to worship every time you take your shirt off. One of the most gorgeous things about you.”

“Thought the actual stoma was the most gorgeous thing?” you tease.

He looks up at you, pretending to think, “Hmm, stoma comes a close second. The scar definitely takes the top spot.”

“I agree,” you say, softly laughing as you kiss the crown of his head, leaning up as you lift yourself off of his bed. You head over to his closet, his trailer now becoming your second home, half of your clothes now filling up his space, “Now, what should I wear today?”

You always found it easier to change your stoma bag in just your underwear, so in typical Eddie fashion, he is enjoying the view of your ass currently on display, him asking you seductively, “You got that cute ass skirt I love you in hiding in there?”

You turn around, copying the smirk that was situated on his face as he lays down on his front on his bed. God, this man was gonna be the death of you.

i really hope you enjoyed this and learnt something new!! up to an estimated one million people in the usa have stomas, so you never know when you might meet someone with one!! remember: it's an invisible disability (or chronic illness for that matter), so you might have already met an ostomate without knowing it!!

#eds6ngel #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things

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