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woah-were-halfway-there · 3 years

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Just What I Needed: Part 3

A/N: get ready for this freaking rollercoaster. As many of you know, this is the next part in the AFTR series and in typical me fashion, turn out way longer than I intended it to be. Enjoy. ☺️

Thank you my dear @andrei-svech for beta reading and listening to me yell about this.

Word Count: 12.8k... ffs

You knew you were awake. You sensed too much going on for you not to be, and yet, you still were unable to open your eyes.

"Do you know how far along she is in her pregnancy?" A female voice you didn't recognize spoke up, sounding much louder than the various beeps and shuffles you also heard.

"14 weeks," Auston replied, his voice husky. The way his voice sounded whenever he was really upset about something. "Closer to 15 weeks now. Do you know what caused this?"

"Fainting isn't uncommon with pregnant women," a male voice stated. "Dehydration, drops in blood pressure, there's a couple of different reasons as to why this could have happened. We won't know for sure, what exactly, until she sees a doctor."

"I'm more concerned over the fact that she hasn't woken up yet," the woman said.

That's when you decided you needed to open your eyes, and as soon as you did, your gaze fell on Auston.

He looked rough, and that's putting it nicely. His hair was messy, it was evident that he'd been running his hands through it like he always does when he's anxious, and his eyes were red and puffy. He was gripping onto your right hand as he watched another man and woman that were also in the small space as they did something off in a corner.

It was then you realized the man and woman were paramedics, and you were lying on a stretcher in an ambulance. Panic didn't take too long settling in after that.

"Auston?" Your voice cracked as you went stiff in realization and immediately gripped onto his hand for reassurance, his gaze moving to you right away. "Wait. Where's Mia?"

You went to sit up, suddenly on high alert after realizing your daughter wasn't with you but had to stop when you felt the now-familiar wave of lightheadedness wash over you again.

"Woah, take it easy, baby," Auston said as he gave you a look, silently pleading that you didn't fight him on this. You didn't. Instead, you slowly laid back down because you trusted that he would answer your question once you weren't so worked up, and he did. "Mia is ok. She's at home with my family. My parents are going to meet us at the hospital once you get checked over. I asked them to stay at the house to make sure Mia was ok after everything."

You nodded in response. What he said made you feel better in a way, but you were unable to keep your emotions from taking over still.

"Did she see me faint?" You asked quietly, blinking back the tears you felt welling up in your eyes as you did.

Auston paused, then sighed.

"She did."

"Shit."

Before Auston could respond again, and you could get too in your thoughts, the female paramedic approached the two of you cautiously and cleared her throat. Once you looked at her, she smiled softly before looking to Auston and nodding.

"Hi, Y/N," she greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," you admitted as Auston lifted your hand that was still linked with his up to his lips and gently kissed your knuckles. "Tired. Kind of just want to be back home, to be completely honest."

"That's understandable. We're almost at the hospital. As soon as a doctor sees you and makes sure everything is ok, you should be able to go home very soon."

You smiled and nodded at her reassurance.

"Thank you. How long was I passed out for?"

"We weren't very far from your house when we got the call for you," the male paramedic chimed in. "Auston said you fainted, maybe five or six minutes before we got there. So about twenty minutes, give or take."

"Lovely," you sighed, then looked at Auston tiredly.

"You scared the shit out of me," he told you, not in a way to make you feel bad, but to let you know how genuinely worried he was about you. "Mia is probably pissed at me right now."

"Why would she be?"

"When she saw you faint, she was worried about you, but I panicked. I asked Bre to take her out of the room so she wouldn't have to see you like that, and she was so upset, babe. She was still crying when we left the house."

Your heart broke hearing that. Not only at the thought of Mia being upset after seeing you faint, but also how hard the entire situation must've been on Auston and his family.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, not being able to stop the tears welling in your eyes again. "I-I should've just gone to the hospital earlier when my doctor said she couldn't get me in until tomorrow. I knew something was wrong. I had that feeling, fuck!"

"Y/N, you had no way of knowing this is what would happen. Please don't be so hard on yourself," he reasoned with you while giving your hand another little squeeze. "I, uh, I kind of dropped a bomb on everyone too."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't how we wanted anyone to find out, but, in my panicked state, my mom was trying to calm me down, and without even thinking, I told her that you were pregnant again."

"To be fair, it's best that you did because we needed to know to be able to tend to her properly," the male paramedic spoke up again. "And, sorry to interrupt, but we are approaching the hospital."

"You ready?" Auston asked and reached towards you to gently push your hair out of your face. He then tried to give you a reassuring smile, although you could easily see through his facade.

It was apparent that he was as anxious as you were, but he had already been so brave and strong for you. The least you could do was be the same for him.

"As long as I have you by my side, I'm ready for anything."

Once you were taken into the hospital, it wasn't long before you were seeing a doctor. She was a lovely woman, but you couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable because you hated going to the hospital. You much preferred going to your own doctor. You always felt comfortable with her regardless of the situation, whereas anything else felt foreign. But luckily, you had Auston there.

At first, the E.R. doctor was a little confused by what would've caused your fainting. She was able to see how your last doctor's appointment went and that you seemed to be in perfect health. She then read how low your blood pressure was from when the paramedics checked it in the ambulance while you were still passed out. That was pretty concerning.

She explained to you and Auston that your fainting could've been caused by Dehydration, which was most common, but she wanted to test your blood to see if anything else came up. And sure enough, something did.

The doctor was able to get you a rapid test, so about half an hour after she finished taking some blood, she came back into the room and explained that your blood had a lower than average amount of red blood cells, which is tied to iron deficiency. In other words, you were diagnosed with anemia.

Being told that absolutely terrified you. It was the last thing you wanted to hear, and with the way Auston was physically pale when you glanced over at him, you could tell he was feeling the same way.

However, the doctor then explained how your anemia was more than likely just related to your pregnancy. It was more than likely that it would no longer be an issue once your baby was born, but it did pose some possible negative effects on the baby if not treated properly.

Your chances of having a premature birth, a baby with low birth weight, as well as postpartum depression, were much higher because of this. Again, not something you or Auston wanted to hear, but the doctor quickly said how the addition of an iron supplement with your prenatal vitamins should help keep things relatively at bay. She said it was likely that you may still feel dizziness, fatigue and other symptoms at times throughout your pregnancy, but keeping your iron levels up would help that. She then told you to see your doctor still the following day and said to take things easy before running a quick ultrasound to check on the baby.

Roughly an hour and a half after you arrived at the hospital, you were allowed to finally go back home, which was the best news you'd heard all night.

Not many words were exchanged between you and Auston as the two of you sat in the waiting room until his parents got there to pick you both up. There wasn't much that could be said. The two of you were still processing everything you had just been told, and it was a damn hard pill to swallow. So, instead of talking about it, the two of you sat in silence. You leaned against each other for the support neither of you could give verbally at the time.

The moment Ema and Brian entered the emergency room, you broke down. You knew, as a mother herself, Ema would understand how you were feeling, and it was not long before she was rushing over to you and Auston, then pulling you into her embrace.

Auston was the one to explain the news as you just cried it out a little bit, while Ema let you hold onto her. She kept assuring that everything was going to be ok, but for the first time in a long time, you were almost positive it wasn't.

That feeling of dread you already had was much more prominent than before, and now Auston was feeling something similar as well.

You both apologized to his parents for them finding out about the new baby the way that they did, but Brian quickly shut that down by telling you and Auston that it didn't matter how they found out. All that mattered was that you were ok, and so was the baby.

Neither of you could argue with that, and soon after, the four of you agreed it was time to go home and headed to the car.

When you all got back to the house, you were surprised to learn that Mia was asleep. It was close to an hour before her usual bedtime, but after you and Auston walked through the front and entered the living room, you found her passed out while laying against Alex on the couch.

"She just fell asleep," Auston's older sister spoke quietly as she greeted you both with a small smile and started gently rubbing Mia's head. "She was so exhausted. I didn't have the heart even to try to keep her awake."

"No, it's ok. Thank you," you replied softly, but before you could say anything else, Bre was bursting into the room and pulling you into a hug.

"Oh, my god, Y/N," she said as you hugged her back, then pulled away to look at you again. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?"

"Better now that I'm home with you guys," you told her, then bent down to pet Frank, who was looking up at you excitedly.

As you talked with her, Auston hung both of your coats up in the foyer's closet before coming back into the living room and gently picking up Mia.

Even in her sleeping state, Mia cuddled right up against her dad as he held her against his chest and your heart swelled when he turned back to look at you and Bre.

"I'll go put her to bed," he whispered, trying hard not to wake her up. But, before he walked past you and Bre, he stopped when he saw you looking at Mia. You smiled at him thankfully, because you knew that he stopped so you could kiss Mia goodnight, like you always did.

When you looked at her all snuggled in Auston's arms as she slept, you could feel yourself getting emotional. Immediately, you noticed how her eyes were still a little wet from what you assumed was her crying, which absolutely broke your heart. You hated that with everything you went through that night, Mia also suffered from it and some way. However, as you felt yourself beginning to get worked up over it, you took a deep breath to let yourself calm down, then leaned in to push some of Mia's little curls away from her face and placed a soft peck on her forehead.

"Goodnight, baby girl," you said quietly, then looked to Auston before reaching up to peck his lips too. "I love you."

"And I love you," he responded before kissing you again then glancing at his two sisters. "I'll be right back."

You watched him leave the room, then you and Bre joined Alex on the couch and began properly catching up, seeing as you hadn't been able to do that yet.

The two of them, along with Ema and Brian, were thrilled about the news about you being pregnant, which you knew they would be, but you were still really bummed over how they found out about their new family member. However, no one dwelled on that at all or pressed you about what you were told at the hospital. Instead, you were able to cuddle on the couch with your husband as you watched ELF with his family before eventually calling it a night.

~*~

The following day, Christmas Eve Eve, was rather hectic. But not necessarily in a bad way.

When you woke up, no one else was awake yet. The house was quiet, and there was no sound coming from Mia's room through the monitor. All that could be heard was the small breaths Auston let out as he slept next to you and the groan Frank made as he shifted his position from where he laid at the end of your bed.

Everything was peaceful and felt right. It was exactly what you needed after everything that happened the night before, but that soon changed.

As you waited for a sign of someone else being awake, you reached over to grab your phone from where it rested on your bedside table and opened up Twitter. You were scrolling for all of three seconds before realizing that 'Auston Matthews' was trending.

Curious about what could be trending regarding your husband, you clicked on a thread to see what it was all about. Surprisingly, a lot of it was about you.

It turned out that your trip to the hospital the night before didn't go unnoticed. A handful of tweets said how you and Auston were seen at Toronto Western Hospital, including one saying how the two of you arrived in an ambulance and how you were on a stretcher.

The majority of the tweets were people commenting, wondering what happened, and wishes that everything was ok. But, there were also some downright mean ones. Some people commented on your appearance, saying that you looked awful and how you were lucky to be Canadian; otherwise, Auston would've probably been covering the hospital bill.

Usually, you never paid attention to anything that was being said about you. These people knew nothing about your life and were indeed in no position to be saying anything, which you knew, but reading those things made you feel like shit. And you hated that you were actually letting them get to you.

But, soon enough, someone diverted your attention.

"Baby?" Auston asked, sounding very sleepy as he shifted next to you but still managing to make you jump at the sudden noise. "Everything alright?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," you lied and quickly closed out of the app before moving to face him. "Everything's fine."

"Are you sure? You seem a little flustered."

"Yes, babe, it's nothing to worry about."

"Ok," he responded unsurely, but dropped it as he subtly wrapped his arm around your waist then pulled towards him forcefully.

"Auston!" You gasped as you gripped onto his shoulder with one hand and bicep with the other so you could balance yourself out, but quickly realized he did that so you'd be hovering over him with very little space between the two of you. "Smooth."

"Always," he replied with a smirk, then began placing kisses along your shoulder, collarbone and neck.

He didn't stop until he reached your jawline and was able to see how much what he was doing affected you in the best way possible as your eyes fluttered close and you leaned into his touch. Feeling rather smug with himself, he then put his arm around your waist again and quickly flipped the two of you over so that your back would be on the mattress and he would be on top.

As soon as you looked up at him, he gave you a playful smirk and was about to continue, but then a noise began filling the room.

"Mama?" Mia's voice sounded through the monitor resting on Auston's bedside table as you and him both froze and looked towards the device. Sounds of shuffling and the odd grumble could be heard, making it rather apparent that your daughter was awake, but then she started crying. "Mommy!"

"Shit," you and Auston said at the same time as you both scrambled off the bed then rushed down the hall to Mia's bedroom, even gaining enough of Frank's attention that he followed after the two of you.

Once you pushed open the door to Mia's bedroom, you found her standing up in her crib, sniffling as she cried and tiredly rubbing at her eyes. Without a second thought, you beelined right for her and picked her up, making sure to give her a comforting squeeze as she immediately clung to you.

"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm here," you soothed as you began gently rubbing her back. "Mommy's here."

"Where go, mama?" She asked as she leaned against your shoulder and hugged you closer, then looked to where Auston was standing nearby but said nothing more.

"I just needed to go see a doctor, Mia. But it's ok. I won't leave you again, ok? I promise."

"Ok."

Auston watched the two of you interact and couldn't help but smile. He loved that you and Mia loved so much. Seeing the two most important girls in his life being as lovey and soft as you and Mia were made him feel all types of ways. You both were his entire world, and he was content just seeing a moment like that forever if he could, but then he remembered all that had to be done that day.

"Hey, Mini," he spoke up and reached towards her. "Why don't we go brush our teeth, then go eat breakfast?"

"No, daddy," she stated firmly as he went to take her from your hold, but she held onto you even tighter, instead. "I stay with mommy."

Both you and Auston were shocked by this. It was probably the first time Mia had ever just flat out denied any type of snuggles from her dad, and it was just so strange to see. Without even voicing it, you and Auston gave each other a look as if to say you knew she was giving him the cold shoulder because of what happened the night prior.

It sucked because you knew that your daughter didn't understand what was going on and that she still wouldn't even if you tried to explain it all right then in there. Telling Mia about pregnancy and how she was going to be a big sister soon had to be a gradual thing. So, with one more glance at each other and a slight nod, you and Auston silently agreed to just move on from the subject.

"Why don't we all go brush our teeth, and then I'll make you some pancakes, little miss," you suggested and kissed her head. "We have a long day ahead of us."

And you really did.

After the three of you got ready to go downstairs, Auston's family helped the two of you cook a huge breakfast for you all to eat. It was a great way to start off the day, but soon after, Auston had to leave for practice in preparation for the Leafs game that night.

Once he was gone, you planned to see your doctor, then pick up your family from the airport before you all were supposed to go to the game together. You were really excited, and Mia didn't leave your side for any of it.

Your doctor's appointment ended up being ok. You were told more about your anemia condition based on the doctor's bloodwork done at the hospital during it. Once that was established, your doctor then recommended some iron supplements for you to take with your prenatal vitamins and explained how she'd be checking your blood pressure very closely at every appointment from then on.

She also took time to check in with you and how you were doing. Her main question was if you'd been in contact with your therapist at all lately, to which you replied with how you talked to your therapist at least once a month still, but more frequently if you felt the need to. Your doctor was happy to hear that. She was the one that recommended you to your therapist almost ten years ago when you were a teenager, after all. You first met your therapist when you were seventeen and had been going to her ever since.

Then your doctor went on to tell you how she hoped you continued going to therapy, especially if everything going on with your pregnancy or just life, in general, was too much. You promised her that you would, and your appointment concluded soon after.

Having a conversation like that usually would make you uncomfortable. But since it was your doctor, the one you'd been going to since you were a kid, it made it all a lot easier. Having Mia and Ema there for moral support helped, too, especially with Auston being at practice.

Once you were done there, it was time to head to the airport and finally see your family.

Since the summer of 2017, when you and Auston had been dating for about six months, you've been the only one of your family that still lived in the Greater Toronto Area, and even then, you were only there during hockey season and a little bit at the end of offseason. You and your family loved Toronto. You always have.

Growing up, you lived in a small town on the outskirts of the GTA, then moved to downtown Toronto in 2015 when you were 18 and starting school at UofT. A year later, your younger sister Mya moved to Vancouver to begin school at UBC, then a year after that, Nate, the baby of the family, regardless of him only being two years younger than you, moved to Montreal. As your brother was in the process of moving, a job opportunity came up for your dad in B.C. and soon after, he was moving out west as well.

However, Ontario has always been home to your family. Every year at Christmas time, your family always finds a way to be together for the holiday season and continue your tradition of going on your annual skiing/snowboarding trip.

Two years prior, while you were still very pregnant with Mia, you all went to Mont-Tremblant in Quebec. The year after, during Mia's first Christmas season, everyone was in Vancouver for a few days, but now it was time for your family to be back home again, and you were so ready.

Although you kept in constant contact with your family when you weren't with them, it wasn't even comparable to how you felt when you were all together, so to say you were excited as you drove to the airport to pick them up would've been an understatement.

After your doctor's appointment, you took Ema back to the house just as Auston was getting home from practice, then headed to the airport with Mia to see your family.

You were holding Mia as you waited at the gates, telling her how her grandpa, auntie Mya and uncle Nate would all be there very soon and couldn't keep the tears from welling in your eyes when you saw them walking through the gate with their luggage. Mia started squirming in your hold excitedly, and for the first time that day, she bolted away from you as soon as you set her down and beelined towards your dad.

"Pa!"

"Ah, there's my girl!" He greeted as he let go of his suitcase, then leaned down to pick Mia up. "How are you, Miss Amelia?"

"Good," Mia replied with a smile, then hugged him tightly. "Christmas!"

"Yes, Merry Christmas!"

"Uh, excuse me, what are you still doing over there?" Mya said to you and held her arms open so the two of you could hug. "Hey, babe. Missed you."

"I missed you more," you told your little sister as you squeezed her, then pulled back to see Nate looking at you expectantly.

"Ehm," he cleared his throat and opened his arms too. "Are you forgetting about your favourite brother?"

"You're saying that like I have many choices in the matter," you told him with a pointed look, then moved away from Mya to go hug your brother too. "Missed you too, kid."

"Tee!" Mia then squealed as she reached towards Mya and Nate shortly after.

"Mia!" They exclaimed excitedly as they took her from your dad's hold, then you were able to hug him too.

"Hi, Dad," you smiled as he held you close for a minute.

"Hi, sport. How're you feeling?" He asked, making you smile hearing the nickname he's called you for as long as you could remember, but then gave him a knowing look.

"Auston told you, didn't he?"

"He called me while you were in the ambulance last night," your dad replied, then glanced at Mya and Nate as they started bickering over who was going to hold Mia and lowered his voice. "Congratulations, kiddo. Auston also filled me in on what the doctor said. I want you to know that we're all going to be here to help out if you need it, especially with Mia. Those two still don't know. I haven't said anything either. I figured you wanted to tell them about Mia's little sibling your own way."

"I do," you told him. "I wanted to tell you and Auston's family differently too, but I'm glad Aus called you when everything happened. I want to tell Mya and Nate tomorrow when we're with Mitchy and Steph too for Christmas."

"Fair enough, I'm sure they'll give you shit."

"I'd expect nothing less."

You then drove your family to where they'd be staying for the next two days. Usually, they'd stay at your house. Even with Auston's family, there was still room for the three of them, but this year, they stayed with Alice, your dad's girlfriend. You have adored Alice since you met her during your first Christmas with Auston as boyfriend and girlfriend back in 2017. Sadly, your mom passed away when you were thirteen, and it took years for your dad even to begin putting himself out there again in the dating pool. He always stressed to you, Mya and Nate that no one could ever replace your mother, which the three of you knew. Still, you all also understood that he was lonely and with the fact that he had given the three of you the world, the least you owed him was to not get in the way of him possibly finding happiness again.

Even with that, it took seven years after your mother's passing for him to find someone even worth considering bringing around his kids. However, Alice was amazing. You and your siblings have loved her since you met her, and now six years later are all still very glad to have her in your lives.

Your dad and Alice began their relationship shortly after he moved to Vancouver. They had worked together in Toronto a couple of years earlier until she moved to B.C., and they just so happened to cross paths again. However, Alice's family still lives in the GTA but vacation in Florida every winter.

This year, for a Christmas gift, you, Auston, Mya, Mya's boyfriend Seth, Nate and his girlfriend Sydney all pitched in so your dad and Alice could go to Florida for a few weeks and visit with her family a bit while they were there. The six of you told them what their gift was early, so they were prepared, seeing as the flight was booked for Christmas Day, and then your dad and Alice ended up booking a little beach house to stay in during those three weeks that had three extra rooms. Unfortunately, Seth and Sydney were unable to join, and the plan was for you and Mia to go for a week as well, but you decided against it because of how poorly you'd been feeling and lied, saying it was because you were swarmed with work.

Your dad understood and now gets it even more since he knows of your pregnancy, but Mya and Nate thought you were full of shit.

However, the timing was still perfect.

Alice arrived in Toronto the night before and was staying at her relatives' vacant home, which had more than enough room for your dad, Mya and Nate to stay at as well. The four of them were joining you, Mia, Auston's family and Steph in a box you booked at SBA to watch the game that night. The next day, everyone, including Mitch, Steph, and your cousin Chris, trekked up to Collingwood to stay at Blue Mountain Village and continue your family's snowboarding tradition during the holidays. Even Auston's family was joining, and you were so excited to have the most important people in your life around this Christmas. Late on Christmas Day, your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya were all to catch a late flight to Tampa and begin their vacation.

You were pretty excited about it all but more so happy to share your news about the new little babe you were growing with the loved ones who didn't find out because you fainted.

After a brief visit with Alice, you told your family you'd see them at the game, then you and Mia headed back home again. Auston was there once you arrived, and it wasn't long until he and Mia were having a quick nap on the couch together while Alex and Bre took Frank for a walk, and you chatted with Brian and Ema in the kitchen.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty chill, but soon enough, Auston had to leave to get to the arena, and the rest of you had to start getting ready to go there as well.

Before you went to the arena, you got yourself and Mia all dressed up in your matching Matthews jerseys and Maple Leafs Santa hats before you joined everyone else downstairs and headed out. But not without getting a few pictures taken in front of your massive Christmas tree first.

Your evening at the Leafs game was nothing short of amazing, even though you most definitely felt a little tired.

You loved every moment of being able to cheer on your man and the other guys with both your family and Auston's together. The fact that they all got along meant the absolute world to you, too, and your time at the game was just really enjoyable. Steph came and watched the game with all of you. Still, the two of you dipped for a few minutes during the third period because other wives and girlfriends of players who were also present at the game wanted to get one last group picture before the New Year—seeing as everyone got pretty messy at the girl's Christmas party a couple of weeks earlier. You were sober for that, and even you still looked like a hot mess.

After the game, you all waited for Auston and Mitch before heading home. The guys you saw as they walked by were all in good moods after the win they'd just got, but all stopped and made sure to say hi to you, Mia and Steph as they passed.

A couple of minutes later, Auston and Mitch entered the hallway at the same time and lit right up when they saw everyone. But then you observed as Mitchy glanced at Auston briefly then started racing towards where you stoop with Mia.

"Hi, Meems!" Your cousin said excitedly as he picked his goddaughter up and made her start giggling like crazy as she hugged him. He then smiled at you and gave Steph a quick peck before turning to face your dad, Mya and Nate and greeted them excitedly, still holding onto Mia.

"Why must everyone just steal our daughter before I even get the chance to see her?" Auston grumbled teasingly as he came up beside you and smoothly wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss, then leaned down to smirk at you. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself," you smiled back, then leaned against him. "To be fair, Mitch was just faster than you there."

"I can honestly say I wasn't expecting him to break out into a sprint just to get to her first."

"Would you expect anything less, though?" Steph asked with a chuckle from where she stood beside you, then resumed her conversation with Alex.

"Valid point," Auston said with a nod, then kissed your head before moving away and walking towards your family. "Time to visit my favourite in-laws."

You felt as though your heart could burst watching him interact with your family, even feeling yourself getting a little teary-eyed as you observed them. Sure, it was more than likely the pregnancy hormones, but you were also just so freaking happy. Moments like this made you forget about everything else going on, and you loved it.

It seemed that Ema noticed this too because a few short moments later, she was standing next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers and smiling before pulling you in for a little side hug.

Shortly after that, everyone grouped together to discuss the plans for Christmas Eve and then soon called it a night. You hugged Mitch, Steph and your family goodbye, telling them you'd see them tomorrow at Blue Mountain before heading to the parking lot with Auston, Mia and his family, still smiling because everything just felt right. And you really needed that.

~*~

Everyone was awake early in the Matthews house the following day, full of excitement for Christmas Eve and for what the day's events entailed before embarking on the almost two-hour drive to the ski resort.

You, Mia, Auston and his family were the first ones to arrive at Blue Mountain out of the entire group and immediately started getting settled into your accommodations. Your little family of three had a room to yourselves, with Alex and Bre in the room across the hall and Auston's parents in the one next door on the left. The room next door on the right was going to be where Mitch, Steph and Chris stayed and had a conjoining door that could be opened up to connect the two rooms. It was pretty obvious those two rooms would be where everyone was hanging out later that evening. But further down the hall were the two rooms your dad and Alice, Nate and Mya would be staying in.

About an hour later was when everyone else began arriving.

Mitch claimed they took forever because when they stopped by his parents' house to drop off Zeus, your aunt Bonnie just wouldn't stop talking. She had to catch up with Nate and Mya right then and there even though she would be seeing them and your dad the next day for Christmas. You understood, though, because when you were talking to her that morning as you dropped off Frank, lucky that she agreed to watch him for the night, the two of you talked for quite a bit, so you could only imagine how badly she wanted to speak with your brother and sister who haven't been back in town for months.

Once everyone was settled, Nate, Mya, Mitch, Chris, and Steph were dead set on getting to the slopes to begin your family's tradition properly, and that's when you started panicking. When you didn't start getting ready right away, they knew something was up, and the fact that you stayed quiet confirmed that even more.

"Y/N, why aren't you getting ready?" Nate asked as he peaked his head through the doorway connecting yours and Mitch's room.

"I, uh, I think I might sit this one out, guys," you replied sheepishly. To be completely honest, you didn't know if it was safe to snowboard while pregnant or not. Sure, you were pretty good at snowboarding and didn't think you'd wipe out, but that didn't mean there still wasn't a chance that you could and end up causing harm to yourself and your baby.

"Excuse me?" Chris said before sticking his head through the doorway too. "The hell do you mean you 'might sit this one out', Y/N?"

"Well, I-."

"It's tradition," Mya cut you off from where she sat on the couch in your's and Auston's room.

"I, I don't know," you responded. "I guess I can go down one hill, but maybe just an intermediate one and no racing."

"That's no fun," Nate groaned dramatically before disappearing out of sight.

"Babe," Auston spoke up from where he stood a couple of feet away, putting on Mia's snow pants and coat. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He then gave you a look, silently asking you to reconsider because you knew he'd be stressing out the entire time you were up on that hill.

"I think if I stick to an easy hill, I'll be fine, Aus," you explained to him softly so no one else besides Bre and Alex, who were sitting next to you, would hear. "If I was earlier in my pregnancy, I wouldn't even consider it, but I'm 15 weeks, babe, and not to sound cocky, but I don't think I'm going to wipe out."

"But-."

"I promise I'll only do one. If I didn't feel well enough to do it or was worried, I wouldn't. Ok?"

"Ok," he sighed and nodded in agreement. "But if something happens, babe."

"Try not to think about it like that," you replied and stood up to walk towards him and Mia. "Have a little faith in my skills."

"I do. And I mean, you're definitely better at snowboarding than I am."

"That's because you're my Desert Boy," you told him, then leaned down to peck his lips before he could say anything else, smirking because you knew he hated when you called him that.

"Why do you only want to do an intermediate hill?" Mitch asked as he strolled into the room but stopped briefly to compliment Mia on her puffy pink coat before looking back at you. "Pretty sure last year you said, and I quote, 'it's too easy. Where's the challenge?' Right?"

You didn't know how to respond. There was no way you were just flat out going to say it was because you were pregnant, and you struggled coming up with an excuse. But luckily for you, Bre saved your ass.

"It's because us Arizonians aren't used to this, and Y/N promised she wouldn't show us up," Auston's younger sister spoke up, then winked at you.

"Thank you," you told her quietly.

"Ok, that's fair," Nate replied and came into the room too. "The Canadians have a bit of an advantage here, I guess."

"Speak for yourself," Steph scoffed from the other room. "The only reason I'm no longer afraid of the ski lift is because you all have dragged me on it so many times now."

"You and me both, Steph," Auston piped in, then stood up from his kneeling position in front of Mia. "Wow, Mini, you look great. Are you ready to go on the mountain coaster?"

"Yeah!" Your daughter replied excitedly, then ran into the other room.

"I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting," Alex suggested, to which everyone agreed with, and you all soon made your way outside.

Once the group of you were all dressed for the cold, you went down to the resort lobby and dispersed. The kids made their way to the ski hills while Ema and Brian wandered around the village with your dad and Alice.

As soon as you arrived at the foot of the hill with all of your gear, Auston asked if you were sure you would be ok doing this, and you assured him that you would be.

You then made your way over to the ski lift and braced yourself for what was to come. Mia stayed at the bottom of the hill with Alex, but not without cheering you and Auston on, of course.

"Go, mommy! Go, daddy!" She called after the two of you and waved with Alex as she watched you go.

You then got on one of the ski lift chairs with Auston and Bre and waited patiently to be taken up to the top. Once you got off the lift and everyone was grouped together, you, Nate, Mya, Mitch and Chris all took your annual hilltop cousin group picture, as well as some others.

There were some nice photos taken of you with your siblings, a couple with Steph, as well as a few with Bre. Nate managed to capture a typical picture of you and Mitch where he was laughing, and you looked like you were ready to throat punch him. But your favourite photo was one that Bre took.

As everyone was figuring out which hill they wanted to go on after this one, you shuffled over to Auston, then wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned against his chest as you waited. He responded by wrapping his arms around your middle too so that he could hold you close. Then he leaned his head on top of yours and looked down towards the bottom of the hill. Steph then went over to Bre and pointed out the cute little moment happening between you and Auston, and your sister-in-law was quick at snapping a picture so that the moment would be saved forever.

Shortly after that, you all snowboarded down the hill. Mitch and Nate showed off a bit, and Auston tried to but got a little shaky in doing so. You made it to the bottom without issue but didn't want to risk going down again because, realistically, you didn't know what could happen out there and would much rather be safe than sorry.

The rest of them went down different ski trails while you hung out with Mia and let Alex have a turn going up the hill as well. As you and Mia waited, you noticed the rental spot for skis and snowboards, and since there wasn't much else to do, you decided to go rent a tiny snowboard for Mia to see how she would take to the activity.

After you got her all geared up and standing on the board, you started pulling her around.

"Look at you go, Mia, you're a natural," you told her with a smile.

"Look at me, go!" She repeated while giggling as she continued staying firm in her standing position while you pulled the rope attached to the board.

About twenty minutes later, you found a very tiny pile of snow that barely had a slope, but it was still something and gave you an idea.

"Alright, babe, want to try all by yourself?" You asked and looked down at your daughter. She didn't answer you. Instead, she just looked up at you unsurely. "It's going to be ok, sweets. I won't let you fall."

"Ok, mama," she replied hesitantly but did not indicate that she didn't trust you.

You then pulled her up the small snowbank and positioned her at the top where the slope began. Once you were done doing that, you crouched down next to Mia so that the two of you would be face to face.

"Are you ready?" You asked and couldn't help but smile as she lit right up and nodded.

"Yeah!"

"Ok, give me five," you replied and held out your hand, which she quickly smacked her mitten-covered hand against in attempts to give you a high-five. "Full send?"

"Full send, mommy!"

At that, you chuckled, then leaned over to kiss her head before shuffling down the slope. Once you reached where the rope ended, you looked at your daughter again before grabbing it and started tugging slightly.

Once Mia was over the edge of where the slope began, you let go of the rope and let her slide down all on her own. You shuffled down the hill backwards, making sure to be there if she did fall, but she made it to the bottom without issue and was so proud of herself.

"Woah!" She gasped and looked at you, excitedly.

"Good job, baby!" You told her, but loud cheering and hollering sounded from nearby before you could say anything else.

"Shred-it, Mia!" Nate exclaimed, making you look over to see everyone approaching the two of you again, all of them grinning widely.

"Good job, Mini!" Auston beamed as he was the first to reach you, then quickly scooped up Mia and held her close. "And here I thought you might act more Arizonian than Ontarian."

"Well, she was born here," Mitchy argued. "Don't downplay her half-Canadianness."

"She's already better at snowboarding than I am," Alex added in, making everyone laugh.

"Pretty soon, she's going to show all of us up," Chris stated.

Mia couldn't stop smiling while being surrounded by all of her people and hearing their compliments. Shortly after that, Mitchy pulled her back up to the top of the snowbank so she could go down once more, then you all headed back into the resort to warm up and get ready to go find the rest of the family.

A couple of hours later, after the whole group got together for dinner, everyone was gathered in your and Auston's room just hanging out. Your room was pretty big, but with Mitch and Steph's room being connected, it allowed much more space, and no one was cramped.

No one stayed dressed up for this. You all changed into comfy clothes without having the need to impress anyone but still managed to pull off a surprise when yours and Auston's family arrived at your room to find you, him and Mia all dressed in matching Christmas pyjamas.

Everyone then started sipping on some alcoholic beverages, minus you and Mia, of course, and as the night progressed, you started feeling more and more ready to tell the rest of your family that you were pregnant again.

Your siblings, Mitch, Steph and Chris, were all aware that you hadn't been feeling well lately, and they never pressed you about it, even though they didn't know why. They knew that whatever wasn't making you feel well was more than just one thing, but they knew you'd tell them when you were ready to. So, when you expressed that you didn't want to drink that night, none of them gave you a hard time even though Steph had a gut feeling about something.

It eventually got to the point where you just didn't want to wait any longer. You were having so much fun with the people you loved the most and were unable to keep your secret anymore.

You subtly made your way over to where Auston was standing, holding Mia as he talked with Chris in the corner of the room by the Christmas tree, and wasted no time cuddling right up next to him.

"Hi, mommy," Mia greeted, noticing you before anyone else but soon had Auston turning to look over his shoulder, smiling as soon as he saw you.

"Hey, babe," Auston said and welcomed your cuddles.

"Sorry to interrupt," you stated, then looked to your cousin, who also just smiled in return while watching you, Auston and Mia together.

"You didn't interrupt," Chris replied. "But I'll be right back. I'm going to go grab another drink."

Once it was just your little family of three, you looked up to Auston and bit down on your bottom lip while trying to contain the massive grin you could feel forming.

"What's up?" Your husband asked, knowing that you were getting excited about something.

"I want to tell them."

"Right now?"

"Yeah," you answered. "I think I'm ready."

"Then I'm ready, too," he stated, which made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"What are you three over there talking about?" Mya spoke up as she approached the three of you.

With one final glance at Auston, the two of you nodded at each other, then you moved away from him slightly so that you could both face everyone else.

"Well, there's something that we wanted to tell all of you," you told Mya but managed to capture everyone else's attention too.

"Wait!" You heard Mitch yell from the other room, then a moment later, he was bursting through the doorway and letting out a dramatic breath. "Ok, proceed."

You smiled and braced yourself for what was to come.

When it came to announcing your pregnancy with Mia, it was all a little chaotic and nothing was planned well. Which was fine, but you wanted the announcing of this little bean to be more fun and exciting. Unfortunately, that plan was partially ruined when you fainted in front of Auston's family, but you knew they were excited and knew that your family would be just as stoked, which is why you wanted to get creative with how you told them.

Growing up, for the longest time, you didn't really understand pregnancy, seeing as you were so young when your mom was pregnant with both Mya and Nate. You were never able to remember who put that idea in your head, but you used to believe how a woman got pregnant was by eating a watermelon seed, and then a baby grew in their belly because of it. Eventually, you grew out of that and understood what it actually meant to become pregnant, but your family has never let you live it down.

When you showed Mya and Nate your pregnant belly when you were expecting Mia, one of the first things your brother asked was if you ate watermelon, and it's also just something members of your family will always bring up just to tease you about.

You told Auston this story when he was confused by why so many people talked about watermelon as you were pregnant the first time, and he found it absolutely hilarious. His family did, too, so you thought that would be a fun thing to incorporate into announcing this pregnancy.

A couple of weeks prior was when you attempted to tell Mia about how she would be a big sister in a few months. She didn't understand, and both you and Auston knew you'd both have to be gradual and patient when it came to helping her understand what that meant. After you told her, she asked how you were pregnant, and before you could even say anything, Auston told her that you ate watermelon and you wanted to die of embarrassment because you knew that was just something you'd never be able to live down.

"The anticipation is killing me," Steph spoke up, snapping you from your train of thought but also making you grin even wider than before.

"Mini, can you tell everyone what your mommy ate?" Auston asked your daughter as he looked down at her, then pointed to her tummy so that she'd understand what he was referring to.

"Mommy ate watermelon," she said casually, then jumped when a series of excited gasps sounded from around the room.

"SHUT UP!" Nate was the first to say something, making Auston's family and your dad laugh, while everyone else looked at you completely flabbergasted.

"Are you kidding?" Mya asked and stepped even closer. "This isn't some kind of sick joke, is it?"

"It's not," you confirmed, your voice cracking as you let out a small laugh and started crying as your sister engulfed you in a tight hug.

Soon enough, another pair of arms were wrapping around you and Mya, holding you both tightly as they did so. They laid their head right on top of yours with ease, and a deep laugh rippled through their chest. You knew it had to be your brother.

"This is insane. Congratulations, Y/N," Nate said.

"Meems, you're going to be a big sister!" Mitchy told Mia as he took her from Auston's arms so your brother and sister could move on to congratulating him too. Once he had Mia, he looked at you and shook his head but had the biggest smile as he pulled you in for a hug. "Congrats, twin. Oh, my god."

"I knew something was up!" Steph squealed as she tackled you in a hug next. "Please, I'm so happy for you, babe."

You then received a hug from both Chris and Alice after that, who were extremely happy for you and Auston. Shortly after that, Ema ran to her room to bring back bottles of wine for everyone to crack into for a congratulatory toast kind of thing. She made sure to give you a glass of sparkling cider instead as everyone cheered on your growing family, making you even more emotional as you leaned into Auston's chest as a way to hide the fact that you were bawling your eyes out.

Later that night, after everyone had wandered off to bed, you and Auston were still awake wrapping the Christmas gifts you brought to give to your loved ones in the morning. Mia was passed out on her little travel bed on the other side of the room next to yours and Auston's bed, while the two of you were all giggly and teasing with each other as you attempted to get everything done.

Auston was a little buzzed from the alcohol he consumed earlier, and even though you were sober, you just fed off his energy, and the two of you were just having a lot of fun.

"Would you quiet down?" You whispered after he made a particularly cheeky but loud comment. "You're going to wake Mia up."

"It's Christmas, babe," he replied as he stuck his tongue out at you. "Loosen up a bit."

You rolled your eyes at him but still smiled as he leaned over to change the song that was softly playing from his phone nearby. Whenever Mia was going to sleep, she always preferred to listen to music as she did. So, you and Auston made a little playlist she listens to fall asleep to every night that's made up of very soft and soothing music and songs that you both love.

Even after Mia fell asleep, the two of you left the music on so it would somewhat cover up your voices as you did your wrapping. It just all very much so fit the vibe of the two of you still in your matching pj's talking with each other as you sat on the ground next to the Christmas tree seeing as that was the only light source you could use in the room without waking up your daughter.

The intro notes of Lover by Taylor Swift started playing next, and Auston let out a pleased sigh as he looked back at you.

"Ah, Miss Swift," he said, then gave you a look.

"What?" You asked and narrowed your gaze at him.

"Can I not just admire my beautiful wife?"

"You can, but I know the look you're giving me. It's the one you give when you want something. So, what is it?"

"You know me well," he told you then smirked, before extending a hand towards you. "Dance with me."

At that, you chuckled a little bit, but then Auston stood up and kept his hand extended as he looked at you expectantly.

"Wait, are you serious?" You asked, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You didn't know how to respond. You were so caught off guard but soon found yourself slowly reaching for his hand and letting him help you stand back up. Once you were upright, you then let him pull you in close and rested your head on his chest as the two of you began swaying to the music.

As you did this, you couldn't help but think about dancing with him like this at your wedding that happened a year and a half prior. That was one of the happiest days of your life. Dancing with him at that moment next to the Christmas Tree made you feel like that all over again, and you soon found yourself snuggling closer to him as he began humming along to the lyrics.

No words were exchanged. There was no need for them to be. The two of you were in your own little world and just wanted to stay there for a while longer. Even as Lover faded out and Ed Sheeran's Perfect began playing next, the two of you stayed holding onto each other and continued swaying as the night seemingly faded around you both.

~*~

Christmas Day morning, although kind of chaotic, was everything you could've hoped it'd be.

You, Auston and Mia, had a very soft morning that was just the three of you before everyone piled into your room again and kicked off the day's events. Your entire family all got breakfast together, then went back to the rooms to exchange gifts but had to check out of the resort and head back to Toronto soon after.

That evening, you drove Nate, Mya, your dad and Alice to the airport, then went back home to have Christmas dinner with Auston's family. It was a very chill way to conclude the holiday, and you loved every minute of it.

A few days later, Auston's family flew home to Arizona, hockey started up again, and things just started feeling weird to you.

You would've been lying if you said you didn't experience a bit of post-holiday depression. Going from a full house of people and having all your loved ones together to having the house basically empty besides you, Mia and Frank hit really hard. The Leafs' schedule after Christmas sucked and had Auston constantly coming and going, which also didn't help because it was brief when he was home.

It was like you were coming down from a really good high, but instead of things eventually feeling normal again, they just gradually got worse without you even realizing it. And on top of it all, you just felt so tired and weak all the damn time, finally noticing how badly your anemia absolutely kicked your ass and would continue to do so for the months to come.

However, as soon as you acknowledged how down you were feeling mentally, you booked an appointment with your therapist. Gradually got in the routine of talking to them at least once a week again. But even in doing that, you never discussed how you were feeling with anyone else and were unintentionally pushing them away.

Your loved ones noticed, though. It was very easy for them too. But, there wasn't much they could do to help if you didn't let them.

During those weeks after Christmas, Mia barely left your side because she knew you weren't feeling well, and neither did Frank. Mitch and Steph were able to pick up on something bothering you, too, because you distanced yourself from them. They knew about you having anemia and how that definitely affected you a lot, also that you were just bummed, but you wouldn't let them even try to help you. Steph tried to invite you over for days the two of you could just chill together with Mia, Frank and Zeus while the guys were away and was even ok going to your house instead, but you never gave her a straight answer. So, nothing came of it, and she and Mitch started genuinely getting worried about you.

They weren't the only ones who realized you weren't feeling like yourself either.

When you Facetimed your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya while they were in Florida, they could easily tell you weren't doing good and just wished they could be there to help. Auston's family was able to tell too, and it even got to the point where Ema was about to fly back to Toronto but didn't because she knew if that wasn't something you wanted to happen, it wouldn't help the situation.

Naturally, it was Auston who noticed just how much changed with you after the holidays. He saw it first hand when he was home and could hear it in your voice during your calls while he was away. However, you just never expressed what was bothering you, and other than the obvious things that triggered this, not even you were sure why you felt as gross as you did.

Unfortunately, this took somewhat of a toll on your's and Auston's relationship. You didn't realize you were pushing him away, and he couldn't help but blame himself for it. He wished he could be home all the time, and so did you, but that just wasn't possible, and it was the first time that a form of mental and emotional distance between the two of you added to the physical distance that was already there and it just made everything so much harder.

Miscommunication between you and Auston occurred more during these few weeks than it ever had throughout your entire relationship. How both of you felt just wasn't addressed because neither of you knew how to approach the topic and were utterly oblivious to how bad it truly was.

Both of you hated it so much. But then, around the middle of January, about two weeks before Mia's second birthday, there was a slight shift, and things briefly started looking up.

You were happy and more energetic all of a sudden, and for a few days straight, you just seemed so much like yourself again. There was a day that you and Mia grabbed lunch with Steph then hung out for the remainder of the day for the first time in almost a month. Your dad, Alice and Nate were due to fly back to Toronto in the upcoming days and stay for a night before going home themselves, so you were excited to see them even though Mya was already back in B.C. And even with Auston, you were gradually coming out of that wall you unintentionally built around yourself and letting him back in as well.

Although not every day was perfect, things seemed better. Little did anyone know they were about to go to complete shit and how easily it could've all been avoided too.

During a couple of days where Auston was home, he decided to plan something special for you. The weird scheduling of him seemingly being on the road more than he was at home was coming to an end just in time for Mia's birthday, and he couldn't wait. He was so excited to have longer stretches at home. Even though he'd still have to come and go, it wasn't going to seem as bad as it had been previously. And the best part was that he'd get just to be there and spend time with you and Mia.

To kick that off, on the 15th, exactly ten days before Mia's birthday, he booked a reservation for the two of you to grab dinner at one of your favourite restaurants downtown.

You weren't feeling 100% that day, but after Auston proposed the idea, explained what restaurant the two of you would be going to, and how he'd already arranged for Steph to watch Mia that night, you got pretty excited about it.

The thought of having a nice evening with your husband sounded so good to you. After how shitty January had been so far, you felt that you really needed this one on one time with him and could tell that he felt the same.

There wasn't a Leafs game that day, but Auston did have practice and some media stuff he had to do before meeting you for dinner. It was a long and hectic day, to say the least, and it ended up being way longer than he was expecting, but he eventually finished what he needed to do and couldn't wait to get home and see his girls.

However, when he got home, you weren't there. But Steph was.

"Hey, Steph," Auston greeted as he walked through the front door and looked at her curiously. He was lucky, though, because Mia was very focused on the show Steph had put on for her and didn't even notice him. But before he could make his presence known to her, Steph told Mia she'd be back in a second, then rushed into the foyer.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Uh, this is my house?" He chuckled in response.

"I'm aware of that, but weren't you supposed to be downtown getting dinner with Y/N an hour ago?"

Auston froze and went completely pale at that.

"Oh, fuck," he said and immediately started putting his coat back on. "Oh, my god. I completely forgot about the reservation. Fuck!"

Without saying another word, he booked it out of the house and back to his car, but Steph understood and just hoped that this wouldn't become a whole thing, even though she had a feeling it definitely wasn't going to end up good.

Auston tried calling you as he drove back downtown and got more frustrated with himself when you weren't answering. About twenty minutes later, he parked the car and rushed to the restaurant. However, when he went to go inside, you walked out.

You looked surprised to see him, but that quickly changed to a look of hurt and disappointment, which didn't go unnoticed by your husband.

"Y/N, I am so sorry," Auston tried to explain while taking in how dressed up you were. You looked stunning in the dress you decided to wear that night, and it made him feel even worse about how badly he fucked up. "I got so caught up with everything today, and I know that's no excuse, but please know how sorry I am. We can go back in there. I'm sure they'll still take us."

"I already ate," you told him, then glanced away. It was then he noticed how glossy your eyes were with unshed tears and could feel his heart shatter. "I just want to go home."

"But, baby-."

"Please, Auston. I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

He didn't know what he could say to that, so with a nod and another apology, the two of you walked to his car and headed home.

The original plan was for Steph to drop you off at the restaurant to meet Auston, then the two of you would drive home together afterwards. That's exactly what happened. But the entire drive home was so painfully silent, and Auston knew it was all his fault.

"Babe, you don't understand how sorry I truly am," he eventually spoke up, which had you shifting awkwardly in your seat before responding.

"I understand. But please, let's just drop it."

You didn't leave much room for argument as you mindlessly started rubbing your 18-week pregnant belly and moved to look out the window, so Auston didn't bother fighting you on it and continued the drive home in silence.

Steph could sense the tension when the two of you walked into the house but knew it wasn't her place to ask about it. So, she gave Mia a quick hug goodbye, then told you and Auston to have a good night as you both thanked her for watching Mia, then made her way home for the night.

There weren't many words exchanged between the two of you as you put Mia to bed and got ready to sleep yourselves. Although you still cuddled up against Auston as you began falling asleep, just like you did every night, he still knew that you were so upset with him. However, the issue wasn't resolved or addressed, and the two of you soon fell asleep for the night.

The next morning, Auston had to be up early to catch a flight out of Pearson with the team to go to New Jersey for a game against the Devils that night. He was due to be back home in three days after a game against the Capitals the following day, and then was going to be home for four days before having to go to Montreal.

You didn't express that you were still upset with him as he got ready to leave, but he knew you were still hurt. As he was about to walk out the door, you still wished him luck with his games and told him that you loved him, because even though you were upset, that didn't change the love you always had for your husband.

But, Auston was already overthinking the entire situation and had begun planning a way he could make it up to you again as both you and Mia kissed him goodbye. That night after the game against the Devils was when he decided he'd fly home the following night after the game against Washington to surprise you, rather than going back to Toronto a day later with the rest of the team.

However, the day he was planning on flying home, you called him to explain how Mia wasn't feeling good.

You were pretty sure she was getting an ear infection, and she was just so fussy because of how uncomfortable and in pain she was. It broke your heart seeing her like that, and you just really needed to tell Auston about it, hoping he'd remind you that everything was going to be ok and of course, he did.

During that conversation, he managed not to bring up the fact that he was coming home that night but said to call him still if you needed anything or if Mia got worse.

Unfortunately, Mia did get worse, and it was too overwhelming for you.

When Auston was playing hockey that night, you got to the point where you were about to have an absolute breakdown because it was all too much. Your doctor was closed, and Mia didn't even consider the idea of going to the hospital, getting even fussier whenever you mentioned it. You couldn't call Auston and were about to call Steph because, on top of everything, you felt like trash too. Although you really didn't want to inconvenience anyone, you knew that you needed help and couldn't do this independently.

But, before you called Steph, you remembered that your dad and Nate were in town with Alice for the next two nights before they flew back to Vancouver and Montreal. You weren't even sure if they'd landed in Pearson yet, but without thinking about it any longer, you brought up Alice's contact in your phone as you held Mia with your other arm and hit the call button.

"Hello?" Alice greeted you with her usual cheery voice, which made you let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Alice, are you guys back in Toronto yet, by chance?" Your voice cracked as you sniffled, trying to keep it together but simply unable to.

"Oh, honey, is everything alright? We're in an Uber right now, about ten minutes away from my cousin's house."

"Would you mind if I came over? Auston isn't here, Mia is sick, and I need help. I don't know what to do anymore."

"You do not even need to ask, sweetheart," she replied softly. "But take a few deep breaths for me, ok? I know it's tough, but it's going to be alright. You go pack a bag for you and Mia, then get her and Frank loaded into the car and come over. Ok?"

"Ok," you responded, taking a deep breath as you did so. "Thank you, Alice. We'll be there real soon."

After you hung up the phone, you continued taking deep breaths so you could calm yourself down. You then looked down at Mia as she leaned against your shoulder, fighting to stay awake, and could tell that she felt probably as gross as you did.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling good, sweet girl," you told her softly, then brushed some of her curls away from her face. "We're going to stay with Pa, Alice and Uncle Nate for the night, ok? We're going to get you feeling better very soon."

"Ok, mama," she replied, then held onto you a little tighter as you started packing a bag for the two of you, then got both of you all bundled up to leave the house for the night.

As soon as Auston's game was over, he called you to check in with how Mia was doing, but the call went straight to voicemail. After a few more attempts to contact you and the same outcome, he started getting worried. He texted his mom, Steph and even a couple of the other Leafs girlfriends that he knew you were pretty close with to see if anyone had heard from you, which none of them had.

Not being able to keep himself from getting a little anxious, Auston still went to the airport and got on the conveniently short flight back to Toronto, hoping that everything would be fine once he got there.

As soon as he landed, he called you again, and there was still no answer. Yes, he knew that you were still mad at him, but he didn't think you were angry enough just to ignore him entirely and seemingly fall off the grid, especially after telling him that Mia was sick.

He started getting frustrated and sent a quick text to Nate to see if he'd heard from you, but never got a reply back. So, he ordered an Uber to take him home, and when he got there, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.

Your car wasn't in the driveway, there wasn't a single light on in the house, and there wasn't a single sign of you, Mia or Frank once he went inside. It was past Mia's bedtime, so it didn't make sense for you not to be home, but surely if you'd taken her to the hospital, you would've told him and not taken Frank. So, he called you again and still wasn't able to get through.

He stressfully pushed his hand through his hair as he called his parents in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going. As he did this, he took his boots off, hung up his coat and went upstairs to your's and his bedroom. When he entered the room, a mix of your and Mia's clothes was strewn all over the place. It looked that you left in a hurry and only grabbed what you could, but Auston couldn't figure out why.

While on the phone with his parents, he expressed what he saw to them and felt himself getting more and more upset. Ema tried to keep him level minded, but he was already too worked up for her to be successful in doing that.

"Mom, I think she left," he finally stated, acknowledging the worst-case scenario that had been eating away at his mind since the moment he entered the house. Ema was confused by what he meant when saying that because she was already well aware that you weren't there, but then Auston elaborated on what he was thinking. "Me, mom. I think she left me."

#nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #hockey fanfiction #auston matthews fanfiction #auston matthews imagine #hockey imagine #nhl imagines #nhl rpf #nhl headcanon #auston matthews imagines #a. matthews #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey rpf #nhl writing #nhl fic

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yoolee · 3 years

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Actual, real world advice from Lee: Useful corporate phrases

I have no idea if anyone still checks this blog, and if they do, this has nothing to do with what usually gets posted, but I’ve done two of these, so here’s a third!

“Thanks, you’ve given me something to think about.”

Use it: When you get feedback you don’t agree with - especially if you have an immediate emotional reaction to it.

Why: Because it acknowledges but doesn’t agree. Basically buys you time to react privately without damaging the relationship. Immediately (and emotionally) jumping into telling someone why they’re wrong is only going to strain the relationship. When you’re getting feedback, you want the other person to feel heard (science says even having the opportunity to air negative feelings makes people feel more positively about the thing). That doesn’t mean you have to AGREE. This statement lets you acknowledge, while buying you time to process. This also gives you an out on things like opinions people have on presentations or projects: if they bring it up later you can say you thought about it, but decided to keep what you had because A/B/C and by then you’ll have had time to craft an ironclad response.

“I can’t, I have a prior commitment.”

Use it: When you’re being asked to work hours that your coworkers aren’t, or that you are not part of your regular schedule, or, you know, when you have a prior commitment and don’t want to give details.

Why: Your time is your time and you don’t owe an explanation! Yes, it’s important to be a team player, and it’s important to be flexible and get the work done when it needs to get done, bit if you’re in a situation where, say, a parent isn’t asked to come in the weekend because your boss knows they have kids, and you are because they know you don’t, draw the line. There’s often a temptation to justify unavailability (lie and say doctor’s appointment, family event, traveling) but you do not owe justification for your time being your own, and not wanting to take the burden of additional responsibility without additional compensation in return. Being in the habit of not providing justification will come in handy if you ever don’t want to disclose something later (eg, private appointment, interview at another workspace) - it won’t seem suspicious that you’re suddenly being vague.

“The goal/outcome for this meeting is...”

Use it: When you’re running a meeting.

Why: You would be amazed how different everyone’s perceptions of their role in a meeting are, and setting expectations so obviously may feel silly but wow it helps. Let’s say I schedule a 1:1 with my boss. I just call it, Lee/Boss 1:1. I walk in and start venting about how Coworker is always late in responding to my emails. What does my boss do? In this case, my boss doesn’t know if I want them to fix my problem, if I want them to just let me air my grievances, or if I want them to give me advice, etc. If they do something other than what I want, we’ll both be frustrated. If I instead I preface it by saying, “I’m going to handle this on my own, but I just need to say it and be heard.” or “I need some advice.” then we both go into the convo knowing our roles. This works on big meetings too, “I’m going to make the final decision but I schedule this meeting to hear your input…” “At the end of the meeting I want to walk away with a budget we’ve all approved…”

“What is the most important thing for us to accomplish [during this meeting]?”

Use it: When you don’t know the expectations for a meeting, you don’t think you need to be in the meeting, the meeting has a lot of people on it, or you’re getting frustrated because you don’t know why there’s a meeting in the first place.

Why: So that you and the person leading the meeting don’t focus on different things! See the above entry :)

“Hypothetically, what would the ideal outcome look like?”

Use it: When someone is stuck on a problem (including yourself).

Why: We tend to artificially impose limits on our problem-solving, which stops us from being creative, going into an open-ended hypothetical offers a new vantage point.

A lot of times when we’re stuck, we try so hard to make do with what we’ve got that we fail to consider how much more is actually available to us. Start with the ideal and figure out which components of it are accessible. Then work backwards with what/how/who questions. What/how/who are open-ended. They make you think! Consider: “Can you rent space by this weekend?” this is a closed decision, it limits you to yes/no, and puts limiters on the delivery (what comes to mind are event halls, restaurants, etc) Compare to: “What kind of space do you need?” which could prompt something like, oh, just space for 10 people - what about a park? Open-ended questions are your friend when trying to help someone solve a problem (even if that ‘someone’ is yourself!)

(not a phrase) Save ‘I’ for remediation, passive voice for problems

Use it: When you have to communicate a problem that is not your fault.

Why: Because you shouldn’t take responsibility for something that isn’t your responsibility - but throwing someone else under the bus is NEVER a good look. Putting the ‘I’ on action shows you’re working on it. Consider, “I don’t have bandwidth to take on this project right now” vs “This project will require more analysis than that timeframe allows, but I can start on it [later ETA].” The latter is stronger - the fault is on the project, not your time management (or your leadership’s inability to see that your plate is full). Also, “I haven’t finished because Bob hasn’t sent me the graphics.” vs, “The project’s just waiting on graphics. I should be able to wrap up by Tuesday if they arrive Monday. I’ve reached out to Bob, his ETA is [ETA]”. Same thing - it’s communicated that the project isn’t finished, but the fault is left sort of nebulous. You’re not artificially taking it one, and you’re not tossing Bob under the bus. Takes some practice, but definitely makes life easier. Caveat (there’s always one): If you screw up, take ownership and do it fast. It is always, ALWAYS better to control the narrative of failure than for your leadership to find out you failed from someone else.

(not a phrase) KEEP TALKING

Use it: When you’re interrupted by someone being obnoxious.

Why: Because you’re not done, and they’re being rude, and this communicates that without calling them out. Legit, just finish your sentence like you don’t hear them talking. Don’t miss a beat. Not to make this about gender, but this is something I, as a female on mostly all-male teams, have found to be EXTREMELY effective, to the point of other people reaching out to me after like wow that interrupting person was kinda bein’ an asshole, sorry, and me being like no biggie thanks for noticing and taking my back. Has that secondary reach out ever happened when I just meekly cut myself off for them? No. Caveat - maybe don’t do this if the person interrupting is like, a VP/CEO they won’t take it well. Also, second caveat, have some grace for your coworkers if it’s not something they do often and you work with them frequently - we all get overexcited and interrupt unintentionally. This is specifically for use in scenarios where a) you are not being heard and you need to be b) you are the authority (either by knowledge, seniority, or scheduling) c) to make someone who interrupts habitually aware they’re doing it to you.

Edit: The fantastic and wise @han-pan offered as well, “Can I finish?” quoth she: “I find it helpful because it identifies that person has interrupted, it is stark and direct enough to startle someone out of talking louder and louder until you finish, and it’s really hard to be mad at someone for asking your permission when you’ve fucked up.” AND I AGREE. This is a good one to use in those ‘have some grace’ moments, as it’s less likely to damage the relationship.

“Sorry, but I don’t have the decision-making or budget authority.”

Use it: When someone on LinkedIn wants you to try their service...

Why: Because they’ll leave you alone, usually.

“What’s the most important issue for you to solve/question for you to answer?”

Use it: When you’re disagreeing on approach with someone.

Why: Again, expectation aligning!

Sometimes people just dig their heels in on something. There’s usually a reason. Let’s say Coworker A and Coworker B are both working a presentation for Director C. Coworker A is frustrated because they’ve been given strict instructions to keep it to 15 minutes, but Coworker B keeps adding slides, even after A deletes them. By asking B what the most important question for them to answer is, A can use that as a guidepost to focus the presentation. (Likewise, if B asks, what’s the issue, they’ll understand A is really concerned about going over time)

#wtf do I tag these I don't even remember #lee is procrastinating #hello I'm alive #I hope you're all doing well and staying safe and healthy and more happy than not!#sometimes I take a break from samurai #to pretend I'm a functional adult #advice

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bl--ankhaeji · 4 years

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Aphrodisiac

Pairing ~ Witch!WinWin x Witch!Reader

Genre ~ smut,,enemies to lovers,,secret magic schoolau ig

Warning ~ oral both male and fem receiving,,creampie,,multiple orgasms,,drugging?(not really but..really),,overstim,,brief mention of death,,I think that’s it

A/N ~ This is something I made for Halloween. Yes I know it has passed but idc 😂. This is my longest fic so far and I’m kinda excited for you guys to read it. I also want to thank my beta readers/editors for this @kjmsupremacist @bumblebeenct @starlit-jeno @earth-to-that-asian You guys were such a big help and I’m glad to have you all as my moots as well.

W. Count ~ 7.1k

The sound of the bell rang throughout the school signaling the end of your second to last class. The metallic slam of locker doors and murmurs of hundreds of students filled the hallways as you made your way towards the gym. A tired sigh leaves your lips as you maneuver through students; you don’t have time to say hi to your friends that call your name over the chatter in the halls, hoping the leisurely wave you throw towards them suffices you make your way past them. The heavy doors of the gymnasium weigh on your arms as you push them out of the way, heading towards the back of the school. Which to others may just look like some woods, but you know that everything is not always as it appears to be.

Before long a worn down cobblestone road came into view and even though you could barely tell the haphazardly placed rocks were a trail, you knew just how to get to where you were going without the help of the rocks. Pretty soon the road started to clear up to the point that one could walk it easily without the risk of twisting an ankle. The slight sound of running water you had heard for the past 15 minutes got significantly louder, signaling that the waterfall you had consistently visited plenty of times was close, which also let you know that your destination was near.

You could practically see the ever glowing lights of the cottage where you got better at your craft lighting up the dark forest. The upwards bridge of the cottage now in view, you started to mumble a soft yet powerful spell under your breath. Upon reaching the closed wooden gate you look up, eyes winding the covered bridge until you see the seemingly lifeless cottage covered in a blanket of vines. Still in the midst of conjuring you raise your right hand, the sound of your magic crackling in the silence as a white orb forms from the center of your palm. With the spell heavy on your lips, you hold the decently sized orb to the vines and as the light touches them they slowly start to unwrap themselves from around the gate.

Placing the orb on top of the vines, you watch as it flows up the path with you directly behind it still casting the spell. Finally stepping up to the porch, you watch as your orb floats to the very top of the elevated cottage touching the vines up there so that all of them will clear. You can feel the change in the air as you step through the doors of the now brightly lit cottage and a smile takes over your face.

The door slams shut behind you, causing your smile to fall, and instantly you’re on high alert. A million and one spells sweep throughout your mind that you could possibly use to fend off whoever the intruder is, “Ahh the old Disentanglement Orb, quite a beautifully difficult spell if I do say so myself. Always gets the job done. Only set back though is how much energy and time it takes to execute,” Looking towards the voice, you turn to face your foe; upon seeing the body situated in the chair you immediately relax, letting out a tired sigh. “But you always were, and I quote, ‘An exemplary student with a thirst for betterment!’”

“Fuck you Sicheng. Oh, and you really should get out of Ms.Torrent’s chair before she comes to class. She was already wondering where you’ve been the past couple of weeks,” you say, rolling your eyes. The sound of your steps against the wood echo through the room as you make your way to one of the two desks situated in the room. You start getting your things out of your bag preparing for class when you hear an ouch come from where the boy sat.

Walking to his seat with his hands in his pockets free of items he sits in his seat facing you, “You wound me, sweets. I was just teasing, you know you should really think about surgery,” he says with his head sat atop his hand. You give him a confused look. What kind of surgery is he talking about? “You should really think about getting surgery to remove the stick from your ass, you seem a little uptight lately.”

The anger you feel starts as a low simmer; not much, but still there. Looking up from where you stand above your desk, you make eye contact with the seated male. “What did you just say to me?”

“You heard me,” he says.

“You know what Sicheng what the fuck is your problem with me, huh?” You can already feel your magic starting to stir in the pit of your stomach. You were never the best at controlling your anger.

A snicker falls from his lips as he stands up. “Oh my problem? How could I have a problem with Miss Prodigy over here, little goody five shoes? No one ever sees her without her head in a book, or better yet up some teacher’s ass.”

“Shut the fuck up right now. You don’t know me or anything about me.” Flashes of your dead father's body laid in front of you circulated through your mind. Ever since that day, you had to fend for yourself and your mother, who was human. That also meant that you were left to learn magic all on your own, since your mother couldn’t help you at all and the only witch in your family, your father, was no longer around to teach you himself.

“Since we’re throwing shots at least I worked for everything I have. I strived to perfect the witch in me, unlike spoiled daddy’s boy over here who’s had everything on a silver platter since birth. The best tutors, conjurers, postionists, the best everything. And even if you weren’t as good at magic as you are, you would still be in the position you are because of daddy’s money.” You were absolutely heated at this point; any more and your magic would start firing off by itself.

Sicheng looked as if he was ready to take your head off, and he actually could with a simple spell but that’s besides the point. A navy blue aura, the color of his magic, encased his body. Oozing power that was advanced for someone of his age. But he wasn’t the only one who had honed their skills way past where they should be.

You couldn’t see it yourself, but you knew you were also sheathed in the white aura of your own magic. The air in the room grew rampant with the amount of angry power circulating through it. The bottles of potions and herbs on shelves started to rattle as if there were an earthquake. The few plants Ms.Torrent had around the classroom started to droop considerably because of the negative energy. Out of the corner of your eye you could see things starting to float in the air.

It was as if you had split the classroom down the middle, and by now you assumed your magic had grown large enough as to place a cast over your side of the classroom. The objects floating on your side faced toward the boy and his alike. You and Sicheng were about to tear this classroom to shreds. You both were so focused on each other that you didn’t even notice the door to Ms.Torrent’s upstairs office open.

“Hey, do you guys know why the ambiance in this place just got so dark all of a- HEY! What the fuck are you guys doing in my classroom?” With a furious wave of her hand everything stopped. The rattling ceased and the army of objects you and Sicheng both had were quickly overtaken by gravity. The sound of them hitting the floor was the only thing to be heard besides Ms. Torrent’s angry breathing. “I leave you two alone for a few minutes before class starts and I walk in to find the two of you at each other's throats. I thought I told you guys what my rules for entering this classroom were the first day you walked in here as the witch novices you were and still are,” she said with a deadly calm voice, the look in her eyes anything but.

It was the first time she ever called you guys anything other than her usual surgery terms of endearment. “And you both broke not one but two of the only rules I gave you. I thought for almost fully grown witches, you would be able to at least understand and abide by those, but I guess I overestimated you both. Now since you both seem to have forgotten, I’ll ask this once and once only. What are my rules for entering this room?”

Simultaneously you and Sicheng start to repeat the rules she told you both on the first day you walked into the room. You remember that day like it was yesterday. You had finally made it, after years of stealing spell books from the hidden parts of the libraries you worked at, rereading every single book left in your father’s study over and over and over again, and practicing spells on your own everyday until you finally were able to get a real teacher. So of course you remember the first and only solid rules she gave you when you walked through the door.

“I’ll only tell you guys these rules once, break them and you’re out.” Your new teacher said with a straight face. “First, the only time your magic is to be used in this room is when I give permission for you to use it. Other than that you are not allowed to use it. Seeing as how I am supposed to teach you magic you’ll virtually always be able to use it. Second, you shall under no circumstances unless permitted sparing use your magic to harm or mess with your classmate in any way. That includes helping them by lending magic, because if you do that you’ll only hinder their growth which hurts them.” After she said those words a huge smile grew on her face as she greeted you both warmly, a stark contrast to her face now as she glared into your souls as you recited the two rules she put in place.

“I know I said you would be out if you ever broke either of those rules, but seeing as how you two are some of my favorite students I’ve ever had, despite your constant bickering with one another, you both are seniors this year I won’t kick you out. It is also your first offence, so I won’t punish you both too harshly.” She finally moves from in front of you both to behind her desk at the whiteboard. “Now that all of that is settled let's start class shall we?”

“DUCK!” Ms.Torrent yells as the cauldron in front of her starts to bubble ferociously. You and Sicheng immediately get under your respective lab tables eyes still towards the front preparing for the worst. Pretty soon the fushia colored liquid inside explodes the miniature mushroom cloud filtering out into the caricature of a duck. Ms. Torrent’s laughs fill the room at her joke and you can’t help but to let out some giggles as the duck slowly deforms when the smoke starts to disperse in the air.

“Oh shoot, it’s almost time for class to be over. You both should be getting ready to head back now, but before you go don’t think I forgot about your punishment. I was going to do this myself when I got back from my trip in two weeks-I already told you both about it-but now I don’t have to. Tomorrow you both will come here and do my inventory, clean up, and herb scavenging for me. I will write down everything you need to know, so have a good day and I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” She says it with a blinding smile, as if she didn’t just ruin your weekend and your only off day.

“Well hello my two beautiful apprentices. May I ask how your days have been before you guys get started?” With a head full of wild curls covered by a cliche witch hat Ms.Torrent enters the room with a satchel that clinks with every step she makes. A grunt leaves your mouth at the question, too tired to formulate an actual response. You were honestly surprised you were able to make it on time. You didn’t care to dress according to your usual school attire, instead opting out for gym shorts and a loose crop sweatshirt.

You look over at Sicheng sitting quietly in his chair on the other side of the room for the first time today and see he also exchanged his usual leather jacket and jeans for a tight t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Honestly, if you didn’t hate this man with every fiber of your being, you would say he looks rather delectable right now. His t-shirt basically melded with his body and his sweatpants left nothing to the imagination when you looked at his strong thighs highlighting almost all of the muscles you knew he had, seeing as how he was captain of the soccer team in regular school. If you looked hard enough you could almost see a dick prin-.

“Oh my, look at the time! I have to head out soon. Okay, so for one, you guys just have to clean up the place; you know, sweep, dust a little, and mop if you’re feeling crazy. Meanwhile for the inventory, I have made a list of the things I should have and exactly how much as of right now and I also made a list for the scavenging. I listed everything I need and exactly how much I need,” she says handing the paper to you.

Taking a look at all the things she needs, you notice she doesn’t tell you where to get the stuff she needs. You stop her just before she walks out of the door. “Oh that, well I wouldn’t be your teacher if I didn’t help you get better at magic, and to do so I did not list where each plant could be found nor did I list the safest way to obtain them. That my dear little flounders is for you to figure out, I trust you won’t kill yourselves.” She winks as she shouts her departure before you hear a crackle in the sky and see lightning the color of the most vivid orange you had ever seen appear and disappear in the blink of an eye with Ms.Torrent.

Looking over at Sicheng, you see his phone in his hand and realize he was more than likely too occupied with it playing games to realize what Ms.Torrent just said. “Hey come on, let’s get this over with. I want to go home and sleep as soon as possible,” you say to him, standing up, the sound of your chair squeaking against the floor before you walk over, grabbing the broom and duster out of the supply closet.

Looking him in the eye, you toss him the broom and sit the duster on the teacher’s desk as you clean the whiteboard. You hear him stand up, and the sound of the broom sweeping against the floor echoes through the room. There’s a nice silence hanging in the air and neither of you dare to break it. Finishing up the whiteboard, you move to start dusting. Not looking where you’re going, you collide with a sturdy yet soft surface. A smell, a sort of calming masculine scent with a hint of spice and detergent hit your nose, and you looked up to see Sicheng staring back at you, eyes blazing, and as you inhaled more of the intoxicating scent you thought in your mind that it actually really fit him.

“Watch where you’re going next time,” he says in a stiff voice whilst his hands go to your shoulders, moving you out of his way so that he can start on the inventory upstairs while he waits on you to finish dusting. You nod your head instinctively, not really processing what just happened. You decide to clean the surface of Ms.Torrent’s plants since you read somewhere that doing that helps with growth. Once you finish you start absentmindedly dusting anything you see, trying to think about something else. You’re almost done dusting seeing as how there wasn’t much dust on the bottom floor, you’ve already found yourself on the top floor when you make it to the shelves. Starting from the bottom, you dust the parts as Sicheng sweeps up near where you just got done dusting.

You run into a problem when you can no longer reach the rest of the shelves to dust them because they’re too high up. Standing on your tiptoes, you feel your shorts ride up as you try your hardest to reach until you realize it's no use. You start casting a spell to clean the top when you feel a presence behind you and all of a sudden the heady smell invades your nostrils again, and you feel heat radiating from the body situated behind you.

“Let me help.” Sicheng’s strong voice reverberates through the quiet air and you can feel the vibrations from his chest on your back as one of his hands lands on your waist while the other takes the duster from your hands. You can feel the heat from his hand on your waist and for some reason it stirs something inside of you. His strong body is pinned against yours and you can feel just about every ridged curve on the surface of his skin. You’re so close together that you know your ass is lightly pressed against his crotch.

The urge to grind against his covered dick is tempting and suddenly you come to your senses as you wonder what the hell you’re thinking. You quickly spin around in his arms to face him, placing your hands on his chest and your movement causes Sicheng to look down at you. “Uhh I-I’ll g-go get the herbs. Bye,” you ramble out as you shove him firmly to the side so that you could move from under him. You grab your rucksack and the list that she left and run down the stairs and out of the door.

Walking in the woods got to be tiring so now you’re just floating swiftly but calmly, passing trees on the way. You’re a little ways from having all of the herbs on the list, only needing one more to finish. You had been scavenging for magic herbs and plants before, so you knew what type of places to look for most of the ones listed. You don’t really know what she meant by ‘the safest way to obtain them; so far you haven’t come across any troubles that could be a potential threat to your life.

Looking at the time, you see it’s about midday. If you moved a little faster, hopefully you could be done before 3. Looking in a book of herbs, you see the name of the last one herb you have to get: the Spiky Skunkweed. It says that the skunkweed is known for its pungent rotting flesh odor. Some say it smells just like a dead skunk that emits up to a 5 mile radius. The only way one can even think of going near and hoping to obtain it is to stop the smell. “Five mile radius, huh?” you say out loud, sniffing the air to see if you smell anything similar to what you read. With no noticeable unpleasant odor, you determine that you don’t have the time to float around until you smell it.

You open your grimoire and see if there’s a spell to enhance your sense of smell. “Found it.” Outburst of Senses, it increases your senses ten fold. Reading over the incantation method, you take the sacred oil and apply it to your nose preparing to voice the spell. You start chanting unrecognizable words to any who would hear as the oil on your nose starts to tingle. Casting consistently, you feel your sense of smell getting better; you’re now able to smell even the tiniest amount of dew sat upon the plants beneath your feet. The tingle on your nose has now resolved to an itchy burn and you look down, seeing that the spell is almost over. The last words of the incantation sit softly upon your lips as the burn on your nose dies down.

Now with your magnified sense of smell, you’re able to quickly smell the Spiky Skunkweed almost as if it were right beside you. Speeding up your floating, you head in the direction of the scent. Even though the overpowering stench of the plant clouds your senses, you’re still able to enjoy the other bountiful amount of smells. Smells you had never smelt in your life hit your nostrils each giving different impressions. You could smell the twangy bitterness of Twin Winberries on a bush that was miles away from you so vividly you could almost taste it. The scent of the sickly sweet sap trapped inside of every other tree you passed was so strong that it almost made your stomach hurt just from thinking of eating it.

The scent of the Skunkweed was getting stronger and your intensified smell was starting to work against you. The rancid odor of dead skunk slowly overtook everything until that was all you could smell. You felt like puking and turning back with how terrible it was, and pretty soon your eyes started to water as you got even closer; anymore and you would start gagging. Flipping the pages of the grimoire, you read how to get rid of the spell early. Exorcism of Senses, you had to take a purified cloth and rub the oil off of the applied area.

Good thing you always carry a travel pack of purified cloth with you. Rubbing the oil off of your nose you felt a split second of relief from the putrid smell until it all came rushing back. You thought you had done something wrong until you realized that you were within the five mile radius and you could tell from how strong the smell still was despite not being as bad you figured you were getting close. Good thing you knew just which spell you were gonna use to get this smell away so you could get this herb. The words of an incantation quickly left your lips as you cast this spell as fast as possible because the scent was starting to make you get light headed and that caused your concentration to fade.

A ring of pure white light appeared in your gathered hands keeping them in front of you as you walked. You managed to absorb the stench and clear a path for you to make your way to the plant. The fumes started to noticeably float in the air with you as you soon were able to see the plant you had to obtain. Ms. Torrent wants three stems and luckily that is exactly how many that grow in the spot. Using the ring to absorb the scent allowed you to be able to take your clippers and snip off three decently sized stems and place them in a glass bottle. Speeding back the way you came you come to a stop when you feel like you shouldn’t be able to smell the Skunkweed anymore.

And when you realize it’s gone, you instantly fall to the ground, not caring about your knees and hands screaming from the impact, taking in the deepest breath you’ve ever had in your life. Your nose feels as if it’s about to fall off with how much it’s been through in such a short amount of time. Many deep breaths later you find yourself slumped against a tree attempting to stop the dizziness so that you can function. Your eyesight slowly clears up and you start to mumble a very familiar spell, one that you use at least once a day, Hex of Greater Healing. It’s a good thing you practice spells everyday and have a large stamina or else you’d be fucked.

As the white aura surrounds your body you feel your nose start to hurt less as the spell speeds up the healing process. The scratches on your knees and hands also close themselves as you begin to feel less like shit. You’ve finally collected all of the herbs, you assume this is what Ms. Torrent meant by not killing ourselves. Well you’ve barely escaped that so you should head back now. With a snap of your fingers you start levitating again moderately heading back to the cottage.

Wiping your mouth you rid the area of any excess berry juice. On the way back you decided to get a few bushels of Twin Winberries whilst also stopping by the waterfall to have a drink after the berries. You look at the time and see that only an hour and a half has passed since the last time you checked. You’re still good to leave early as long as Sicheng did his part while you were gone. Making your way to the wooden gate of the cottage you start to walk up the bridge your rucksack alerts whatever is by of your every step. Without thinking you slam the door rather loudly and right after you hear a glass shatter followed by an aggressive ‘Shit!’

“Aye yo Sicheng, are you okay up there? I’m back from scavenging. Did you finish dusting and sweeping? I wanna do this inventory and get outta here,” you say as you start to unload your bag. Sicheng’s loud footsteps echo as he basically races down the steps.

“Why the fuck did you slam the door?!” Not expecting his sudden outburst you turn your head toward him with a partial stank face at his attitude.

“The fuck crawled up your ass and died while I was gone?”

“You just made me drop a potion I was checking for inventory in Ms. Torrents office because you for some reason decided to bust in here like you’re the council or some shit.”

“Damn, my bad it was an accident; you don’t have to be such a dick about it,” you say, raising your hands before getting in a defensive stance. “Not like I could expect anything else from you though, seeing as how you’re always a dick.”

“Oh so now you’re turning this around on me.” A dry laugh comes out of his mouth as he looks at you incredulously. “Of course little miss perfect can do no wrong, huh?”

You and Sicheng were so occupied with your argument that you had forgotten all about the spilled potion upstairs. That is until it hit you.

Standing face to face with Sicheng your body began to feel..different. The more you breathed in, the more you felt it. In the pit of your stomach a hunger unlike something you’ve ever felt before starts to formulate. You thought it was only you feeling different until Sicheng slowly leaned closer towards your face, causing you to lean back a little once you realized just how close he was. You started to feel his warm breath splay across your face heating it more than it already was. “W-What is going on? Do you feel a little different too?” You breathe out on a barely audible whisper.

You know he heard you when he nodded yes, seemingly just as confused as you were “What exactly was the potion you wasted in Ms. Torrent’s room?” You ask the tall male trying to see what had you feeling so...aroused? The uncomfortable heat you felt between your legs had you attempting to rub them together discreetly.

But that doesn’t go unnoticed Sicheng’s keen eyes pick up on your subtle movement. A few beats of silence go by, “I-I don’t know and frankly right now I don’t believe I care.” he finally says as his hands land on your waist.

“Sicheng-”

“Don’t..Don’t say my name right now unless you want something bad to happen.” He says shutting his eyes tightly as if he were trying to keep himself from doing something he might regret.

“Sicheng.” You bring your hand up to his cheek, slowly caressing it with your thumb, causing his eyes to flutter open. If someone had told you that you would be doing this an hour ago, you would’ve turned them into a frog and flew away cackling into the moon, but as his warm brownish black eyes stared intensely and honestly into yours, causing you to get even more flustered than you already were especially when you started to feel a wetness come about in your underwear, you knew you would be a fool if you didn’t take this shot. Of course, you could feel the tension between you and said male that always lingered, but you knew that you nor him would ever act on it without a shove from an outside force.

“Look at me.” He says making sure he has your full attention. “I’m gonna give you three seconds to stop me but once those are up, you’re mine.” His hand goes up to cup your chin gently as he starts to count.

“C’mere.” His hands on your waist pull you to him as his mouth lands on yours. Your lips overlap, teeth clashing as all the pent up emotion is now flowing out in waves, coupled with the added intensity of what you’re beginning to assume is a very strong aphrodisiac; you guys just might rip each other apart.

“Fuck, you taste good,” he says, breaking your embrace. His hands move to your thighs, tapping to signal you to jump. Your legs wrap around his waist as he carries you to his lab table. Sitting you down, he starts to kiss you again softer yet somehow still with the same animalistic passion. His tongue slips into your mouth, caressing your tongue in the process. Wet smacks of your lips can be heard all throughout the room and the silky wetness of his tongue on yours has you releasing a hot breath.

You pull a groan from his mouth as you start to grind against his stiff erection. It's almost as if it’s about to rip through his pants just to get inside you. Your hips gyrate as best as possible against him, coaxing him to join. He removes his lips from yours to kiss down your neck, slightly nipping as he goes. A moan falls from your lips as he kisses your neck, finding your sweet spot and causing the heat in your lower abdomen to increase.

Your hand travels to the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and off of him before you meld your lips together again. Finding their way lower, your hands start to massage his dick and a soft groan leaves his lips. “Suck my dick for me, baby.” And he doesn’t have to tell you twice before you’re already on your knees, pulling his pants down. “I don’t think you know many times I’ve wanted to shut this pretty mouth of yours up with my cock,” he says as his member slips out of his underwear, smacking against his abdomen.

Giving it a few pumps, you immediately put him inside your mouth and get to work. The heat from his dick is so intense you think your tongue will burn as it slips past your lips. You circle your tongue around the head of his cock, flicking the hole on purpose when you feel his hand land on your head. “Can I fuck your mouth, princess?” Looking up at him, you moan at the mere thought of him fucking your mouth as if it was your wet cunt.

You nod your head to signal yes so quick you fear you may get whiplash as your hand works its way down into your underwear. You start to rub your clit slowly, working yourself up. You’re so wet you swear you would drip on the floor if your bottom was bare. Sicheng’s hands come to your head, grabbing it firmly before he starts to thrust into your mouth, your spit flying everywhere. The sounds you make as his dick hits the back of your throat are all you can hear.

One of your hands comes up to grip his muscular thigh, fingers digging into the skin in order to steady yourself from his thrusts. “Ohhh fuckkkk, this is good,” he moans, throwing his head back. “Don’t look at me like that, baby, or I’m gonna cum,” he says when he sees that you’re still staring at him. His thrusts stop right before he is about to cum. Refusing to let him stop like that, you take matters into your own hands. Letting go of his thigh, you grab his dick and start to swirl your tongue around his head, flicking under while constricting your cheeks. “Shit, baby stop. I-It’s too much, I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that--” He barely gets to finish his sentence before his cum spurts into your mouth. His moans that fill the air and the uncontrollable jerk of his hips cause you to whine under him as you swallow his cum.

“Damn kitten, I thought I told you to stop. I would punish you but you look too delectable right now,” He says, lifting you up from the ground and putting you on the table. In the process of pulling your pants down he hears your voice. “What was that baby?”

Usually you would have some sort of qualm about asking this but as you steadily intake more and more of the fragrant aphrodisiac all of your inhibitions get thrown out of the window as you practically beg, “Please let me ride your face.”

You see him stop for a second before a slight blush spreads on his cheeks to his ears. Just the thought of you quivering in ecstasy on his face, getting yourself off, has him almost ready to cum again. Trading places with you, he puts his body on the table, getting comfortable despite his legs hanging off. He looks at you expectantly as he awaits you to sit atop your throne. You finish stripping yourself of your pants and your shirt and bra while you’re at it and move to get on his face.

With a thigh on each side of his head, you lower yourself onto his face and the reaction is almost instant. One of Sicheng’s hands comes up to grab on your ass and while the other invades your juicy cunt and his tongue lands on your clit. The combined power of his wet muscle and fingers has you seeing stars. His fingers thrust into you, scissoring as he delves deeper inside. His tongue laps up the running juices that fall from your dripping hole as he preps you for his thick cock.

Your hands shoot to his hair in an instant once he finds your g-spot, body convulsing from the stimulation. “You like that, babygirl?” he asks as his lips wrap around your clit, lightly sucking on the small bud before barely grazing his teeth against it. Your brain is so foggy you don’t even notice how he adds a third finger inside of you, thrusting rapidly as he flexes his wrist. The rough pads of his fingers rub against your g-spot over and over, causing your body to curl in on itself as you grip the hair on his scalp. You feel the climax strike before you know it, whimpers falling from your mouth and you’re just barely able to stay seated upright from the internal attack.

Your body feels like jello as you try to remove yourself from Sicheng’s face before you suffocate him. “You taste so good kitten, that just about made me want to lick you dry,” he says, wiping the excess juices from his mouth.

A slow smile reaches across your features as you stand up, planting your hands on the table as you bend over, shaking your ass a little as you do. “Fuck me, please,” you ask, staring boldly into Sicheng’s eyes. And it was as if something shifted in the air because before you could ask again he was already behind you, inserting himself.

It was like finally getting rid of an itch neither of you could reach. Moans and claps filled the room as he thrusts into you like an animal. The smack of his hips against yours feels extravagant. Your tits bounce as if they have a mind of their own. His balls hit your clit adding even more fuel to the fire. If you didn’t know any better you would think you both were in heat with the way he was ramming his cock into your tight snatch.

“Fuck you’re so tight it’s like a soft vice is gripping my dick- Shit.” You never would’ve thought he could fuck you like this. Maybe it’s the added effect of the Aphrodisiac but you didn’t care either way. Even though deep down you wanted this to be real with everything in you you knew it wasn’t. His hands cup your tits as he lifts your top, half forcing you to stand back-to-chest. His lips land softly on your shoulder as his dick destroys you. The coil in your stomach strings ever-so-tight. The sudden way he bites your shoulder has you clenching onto him and you think that’s the last straw.

“Fuckkkk I’m gonna cum. Do that shit again, baby.” And you wholeheartedly agree with his statement. As you clench again you feel the band in your stomach snap and you’re met with a climax that almost surpasses the one earlier. His cum pours into you and you swear you’re on cloud 9. “Damn I’m still hard.” he spits and before you can think he has you back on the table this time in his lap.

With his cock still stuffing you, he pulls your legs back behind you both so you’re sort of kneeling forward, and his hands tightly grip your sides as he brings you all the way back down. The sound that rips through your throat has anything within a 10 mile radius running for the hills. You feel the growl deep in his throat rumble against your back. It felt like he impaled you with his cock. He reached places you never knew existed.

You have never felt so full in your life. Already having been filled with his seed, now he was fucking you again as if it is the last thing he would ever do, you feel like you were going crazy with ecstasy. The way his body feels against yours did nothing to help. The hard planes are a stark contrast with the soft--some would even say plushy--expanse of your body. You don’t even have to move seeing as Sicheng does that for you. He puts his arms to good use as he roughly lifts you up only to smack you against his hips. You knew they would probably be bruised in the morning.

You feel like you’re gonna pass out from all of this. It’s too much for you to take in all at once, especially after you had already almost had a near death experience earlier. You throw your head back onto his shoulder as you contemplate if you could cum again, the overstimulation starting to kick in as you get even more sensitive. “Sicheng. I-I don’t think I can cum again,” you slur against his ear looking up at the male.

“Last one baby, I know you can do it,” he says looking at you. His thrusts speed up as he tries to hurry and get you both to the end. Your consciousness started to slowly fade as you felt what would be your last orgasm of the night. With a broken moan Sicheng cums one last time as you feel your body start to shake as you experience the most explosive orgasm yet your eyes roll to the back of your head as you fade into black.

The feeling of soft sheets feels heavenly against your body. You awaken to find yourself in a bed somewhere unknown. You notice a shirt and underwear covering your body as you sit up and take in your surroundings. At that moment Sicheng walks in from a door in the room. “Oh you’re awake, finally.” Sliding into bed next to you, he wraps his arms around your waist, sticking his head in the crook of your neck.

Your hands lay on top of his as you slightly turn your head. “Where are we?” you ask, looking at his hair.

A muffled, “My house,” comes from the boy’s mouth, and you don’t have a chance to react before he pulls you down to lay on him. Looking up at his ceiling, you wonder if you should ask this or not.

“What does this make us?” Sicheng asks, tightening his grip on you, taking the words right out of your mouth. “Because I actually... really like you, and I want to go out with you.” Turning your head, you look up at the attractive male, intently listening to what he has to say. “I know it may not sound true but I’m serious when I say I really do like you. I have for a while now, I just didn’t have the courage to make a move until we were under the effects of the aphrodisiac.”

“I-I guess I like you too. At least, I’m willing to date you and see where this goes,” you say, laying your head back on his chest, sighing at the calmness of the moment. “One thing though. I think we should both apologize to each other. We’ve both said some hurtful things and I don’t want to start a relationship with that.” Turning over in his arms you look him in the eyes sitting your chin on his chest. “I’m sorry for saying the things I did. I admit I shouldn’t have said them and they were wrong.”

“Come here,” he says, lifting you up to kiss your lips. “You’re so cute. I’m sorry as well. I don’t really know anything about you or what you faced, and I shouldn’t have said anything.” You guys are a breaths width away till your lips softly meet again.

“So, uhh, what are we gonna tell Ms. Torrent about the missing bottle of aphrodisiac?”

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flowerbloom-arts · 3 years

Text

A 2434 word long fic about Fuddler talking to a maybe not actually real version of his father after trying to escape from a recent event in his life and failing. Now I would've written a 50s sitcom episode of Fuddler's family that would've lead up to this point if I had the motivation, but I didn't, so here you go. I hope you enjoy this!

---

The set of the show had become undone and the fourth wall was nothing but a non-existent window into the stage, the Muddler, tear stained and tired of his child's shenanigans, went up from the table he was crying at and walked to the empty director's chair with 'The Fuddler' embroidered on the back and sat on it. The Muddler grabbed the megaphone that sat on one of the armrests and spoke into it in a very clearly annoyed tone of voice: 'Cut. Take 2. Excuse me! That wasn't a bad first take but all of you really fell apart at scene 15.'

But the rest of the cast had been frozen in place, basically mannequins, all except Fuddler, who was in fact the mastermind behind this mess. The small and fuddly creature looked around in a slight bit of confusion and decided to walk up to his father on his director's chair, it did have his name on it afterall. 'Excuse me, aren't I supposed to be sitting there?' he asked rather sheepishly, there was a thought in the back of his head that knows exactly why but he's too afraid to make that thought even slightly tangible.

'Well, yes,' answered the Muddler matter-of-factly 'but due to poor management someone else had to take over.' he added, he spun the megaphone around and inspecting it in a rather disinterested manner. If it's anyone, it really didn't seem to be the father that Fuddler knew, even if he was stained with dark brown tears on his face and wore ragged feminine attire indicative of a mental breakdown, which was a sight that would only be familiar as the Muddler.

'Maybe. Though we should probably take a break, that breakdown didn't look all that... The breakdown seemed very exhausting to act out,' Said the Fuddler, trying to avoid going over this episode another time.

'Sure,' Muddler said, he didn't even care to glance at his child, he put down the megaphone on the floor and rested his face on his paw resting on the armrest, looking off to the black void beyond the set or nearby part of the studio.

Fuddler sighed with relief and a tinge of discomfort, he decided it was best to sit down next to his father and look back at the scene that was frozen in time. It was not even the slightest bit amusing to say the least, it's just everyone looking concerned over Muddler having a breakdown but Muddler isn't even there, you could see the Fuzzy, Fuddler's mother, placing a hand on what was Muddler's back, great uncle Hodgkins and Sniff are looking on confused and concerned, and Moomintroll had just walked in with not even the slightest idea of what's going on. The Fuddler stared at it for a few moments before saying what was on his mind while the scene was happening 'That... That breakdown... It wasn't in the script.'

'What script?' Muddler asked as if Fuddler was too dumb to even remember he didn't even make one. Of course there wasn't any script to speak of.

'I- I dunno!' Fuddler blurted out with the realization 'You guys were basically reading my mind anyway! I thought that was something like reading a script-!'

'Were we reading your mind or were you controlling us?' Muddler asked, almost cutting him off.

Fuddler was a bit surprised at the sudden interruption, it's really unlike his father to act anything close to this, is this even his father? Fuddler started to actually question everything about this, as if it wasn't a very obvious thing he should've questioned at the start. He looked down and curled up into a more fetus-like sitting position, kind of avoiding answering the question.

'Now tell me, child, why this?' Muddler gestures vaguely toward the set.

'What do you mean?' Fuddler looked up at Muddler and asked innocently.

'Why the television show?' he clarified, he lowered his resting paw and finally looked at Fuddler for once, though he did look very... unpleasant.

Fuddler felt very uncomfortable at the question and simply answered with an 'I dunno...' like a small child, he certainly looked and acted like one either way despite being an adult.

Muddler sighed disappointedly and went back to staring at the set 'Is this really how you're gonna deal with what happened? What even did happen, anyway?' he asked, even he was unsure of the origins of this.

'I... I actually don't remember... Excuse me, sorry, oh dear... What was I thinking?' Fuddler asked, he was mostly asking himself that.

'That's right, what were you thinking?' Muddler repeated Fuddler with annoyance 'Did you really think you could reduce your own family into cheap tropes and live like that?'

'I wasn't trying to do that!' Fuddler cried 'I just thought...! I thought if I could live just one happy day after 10 years of nonstop misery-!'

'And you did that by retreating into some ideal version of reality the city gave you through a light box?'

'Yes!' Fuddler blurted out, he realised what he said outloud and slowly went back into a balled up position on the floor 'Just... Atleast those people on TV seemed happier... Happier than we ever could've been when we moved to the city,' Fuddler argued with a quieter but ultimately defeated tone, this wasn't how things were supposed to go in his mind.

'Is that why you wanted to move away so badly?' Muddler asked in a more sincere and worried tone of voice, much more like his regular self and what Fuddler would be used to.

'Maybe,' Fuddler answered simply 'Or I guess there were other things too...' he added.

'Oh I could definitely list them off for you,' Muddler suddenly went back to a menacing tone.

Fuddler suddenly felt a great shock to his system and did not want anything Muddler could be implying 'Please don't-'

'Well first of all,' Muddler didn't let his child finish and he didn't seem to care in the slightest 'you didn't like other creatures shoehorning you into their ideas of what you should be, you didn't like the boring concrete buildings, you hated the constant noisiness of that wretched city, you couldn't bare the constant mockery from your own peers, they kept thinking you were a twelve year old - which you never grew out of being one after all these years by the way - and kept thinking you were lying when you said you weren't, you didn't like the lack of frogs or swamps or free things to collect off the street, you were being discriminated against for being a clumsy little mut, and most of all-'

'Please stop!' Fuddler cried.

'MOST OF ALL,' Muddler repeated louder to talk over Fuddler 'You hated me. Your own father. Simply because he couldn't land a simple job and was too feminine for anyone's liking!'

'NO!' Fuddler jumped up and tried to hold onto his dad's arm, but Muddler quickly got it away from him.

'YES! You kept having the same negative comments and jokes repeated to you over and over and you thought they were making fun of you by association! You don't want anything to do with the way I am and yet you keep chugging along the same way I did!' Muddler cried 'You were happy enough to tell my dear old friend mr. Moomin that people said you took after me and leave it at that! What if he asked you even further? Would you have talked about me in a good way!?'

'STOP! PLEASE!' Fuddler was almost in tears at this.

'Oh I see how it is! Just admit it! You hate me! Why else would you shove me in as the comic relief? Why else would I break out of character if you didn't know it'd be completely out of line for who I actually am!? I am anything BUT happy and you know this! No matter how hard you try I will cry eventually because I'm that dumb and sensitive about everything! The only things that you got right about me is that I'm clumsy and that I love you!' Muddler started tearing up through all the yelling 'You know deep down I love you... It's not your fault... right?'

Fuddler wanted to cover his face in his saucepan but unfortunately he was in his sitcom costume which lacked it completely, all he could really do was bury his face in his paws and try not to cry, muddler tears are much like that of a dog's, mixed in with blood waste and it stains your face, you'd need some cloth and water to clean it. Very inconvenient for a man, they aren't supposed to cry, and the stains make it very obvious you did.

'Fuddler... Did you really think this was going to solve anything?' Muddler got up from the director's chair to kneel down and lowered Fuddler's paws away from his face, Muddler's face was... trying to be comforting but that got ruined by the tear stains, which was being added onto by him crying at this very moment, he looked down at Fuddler's paws, looked back up at his face and added '... At all?'

Fuddler didn't make an attempt to make eye contact with his father, those strange 'u' shaped pupils were familiar but the idea of them not being normal at all still brought him some form of discomfort '... I just... Excuse me. I just thought that maybe... If I could feel better, somehow, maybe the problem would be less of a problem...'

'Fuddler, you don't even remember what the problem was,' Muddler said, he held his child's chin up to make him look at him directly 'You know this.'

'I know...' Fuddler admitted 'I think the cause is starting to come back to me... I think... It's still a little foggy...'

Muddler sighed 'How many times have you done something like this?'

'I...' Fuddler started thinking 'I don't know... I never bothered counting.'

'So this clearly isn't the first time.'

'It definitely doesn't feel like the first time... say for the addition of a few cast members,' Fuddler added the last part as a sly attempt at humor, he was referring to Moomintroll, Jumble and Sniff.

'Of course,' Muddler said with a touch of melancholy and sat on the floor beside Fuddler, Fuddler followed suit 'Do you think this is normal?'

'Dad, I moved to Moominvalley to get away from 'normal'!'

'You moved to Moominvalley to feel normal, there's a difference. And that's an important difference to realise,' said the Muddler, the black and white studio faded into a sepia tone as it seemed to transition into a lake sort of scene, almost unnoticeably to the Fuddler.

'Why's that?' Fuddler asked.

Muddler picked up a flower that happened to be next him, well- not actually, a sort of ethereal copy of the flower formed which left the real one untouched, Muddler looked thoughtfully at the flower in his hands 'If you know the difference, then maybe you can appreciate the specific thing that makes this place feel like you feel normal.'

Fuddler stared at the flower and glanced up at his father '... You're not really my dad, are you?'

'You think that now?' Muddler questioned with an amused undertone.

Fuddler felt almost silly about it, of course this Muddler isn't real, why would he think otherwise? 'I dunno... I guess I got cought up in the all the acting that... I forgot I'm just talking to myself...'

'Does it really matter, though?' Muddler raised an eyebrow with a slight smile on his face 'Atleast you got it out of your system, you twelve year old.'

'Don't call me a twelve year old!' Fuddler cried in defense.

'Then why do you act like one?'

'How can I not act like one if I look like one?' he said, slightly furious at the subject being brought up.

'People can turn invisible if they're abused enough, maybe this is something similar?' Muddler suggested.

'Tsch, magic, sure.' Fuddler waved off dismissively.

'You stayed as the same Fuddler that you were when we lost Sniff, excuse me but you really don't think there's something connected here?' Muddler asked rather rhetorically 'You graduated college with a degree in biology and live by yourself in the coffee tin you inherited from me and yet you still chase after a woman like you have a preteen crush on her with absolutely no clue as to how to talk to a girl.'

Fuddler cringed at the memory of his attempted courtship of the Mymble and recoiled back into a ball position.

'But atleast it seems like you learned from it, just... Don't let things paint your views so easily, sir,' Muddler placed the flower on Fuddler's head.

'Don't use 'sir' on me...' Fuddler muttered quietly.

'Well, what do you want me to refer to you as? Ma'am?'

'That's even worse!' Fuddler shut down the idea almost immediately, he grabbed the flower from his head and looked at it 'Neither of them feel all that right...'

'Right,' Muddler said 'It's fine if you don't want to be referred to as either of those.'

'It's not just that... I don't really feel like a... A man. Atleast not how the world seems to think of one.'

'You're a button collector, Fuddler. Maybe you should start calling yourself that instead.'

'You can do that?' Fuddler seems to be almost bewildered but not totally against the idea.

'Fuddler, I'm a half woman who calls itself a man, anyone can be anything, especially in places like this valley. You don't have to define yourself by those standards anymore.' Muddler explained.

Fuddler stared at his father with a thoughtful expression on his face 'Like I don't have to define my family by any of those standards...' he looks back down at the flower in his paw.

'That's the spirit!' Muddler punches his child lightly on the shoulder 'And whatever the problem was... I hope you can fix it, it's not easy but... It'll be better for the long run.'

'Right...' Fuddler flicked the flower into the lake, it simply dissolves in mid-air rather than land into the water or anything 'I'm sorry about... Everything. I'm still very, very dumb.'

The Muddler laughed ever so slightly 'You'll get it in time, I promise.'

'... Maybe.' Fuddler said rather hopefully. The Muddler seemed to dissolve away like the flower did and the world faded into full color. It looks like that episode was a wrap, one might say. Now it's time to figure out why it had to be made.

#moomins #moominvalley #art #muddler #moomin muddler #the muddler #fuddler #moomin fuddler #the fuddler #fanfic #short ficlet #angst fic #I kinda realised halfway through writing this that thisbwas basically the plot of Wandavision lmao #but I don't wanna say it's plagiarising. characters escaping reality through a sitcom has been a thing for a while now #also heehoo more Hdogkins family lore; Fuddler (And Muddler by proxy) addition! yippee!#writing these is actually kinda fun tho

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strawberrytheduck · 3 years

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Belle Quacks-Chapter 15

Morgana stood frozen, an unknown look on her face. Belle looked down at the floor, trying to avoid crying. Negative thoughts swirled through her head, causing her to second guess everything. ‘Megavolt was wrong, I know it.’ She thought, along with many other things. Morgana could never love her, not with other women so much more beautiful than her. There were so many ugly things about her and she was so childish, Morgana was too good for someone like that. Why was she just standing there, not talking? Was she thinking of a good way to reject her? Was she just confused? “J-JUST- ... please, just- j-just say s-something...”Belle begged, fighting back a sob. The sorceress seemed taken aback by her sudden outburst, opening her beak to say something. But nothing came. She was utterly speechless. Belle hated it, looking up at Morgana before storming off outside. She wasn’t necessarily angry, just hurt despite not hearing anything. The smaller duck, consciously in her desire for solitude, zoned out from hearing Morgana call her name in effort to get her to stop. Picking up the pace, she ran to the bridge between Duckburg and St. Canard, the sun beginning to set as she got there.

Her jade eyes stared down at the water below the bridge, tears still falling like tiny diamonds from her eyes. Who was she kidding? Morgana was too good for her, out of her league. It felt like her heart had been ripped out and thrown on the ground. Painful. Looking at the water helped a little, especially due to how her tears just merged effortlessly into the dark, cool liquid beneath her. She began zoning out when she felt a large strong hand on her shoulder. “Go away.” She muttered. “Are ya’ sure you want me to?” Came a very familiar voice. It was Launchpad, Darkwing’s sidekick. She didn’t respond, just kept looking down. “Come on, tell ol’ LP what’s got you down.” He said, rubbing her back comfortingly. She told him what she said to Morgana, saying how she just stood there. He listened to her explain how it played out in her head, how it hurt her deeply. “She doesn’t love you? Huh, strange, that’s not what I thought. She would always talk about you.”

‘Sure she did.’ She thought bitterly. LP could almost tell she didn’t believe him, opting to just pull her in for a hug. It was a little strange to her, given she wasn’t really close with him, but everyone she knew talked about how he was amazing at reading emotions, how he only ever has good intentions. Belle hugged him as tight as possible, sobbing into his shoulder. The pilot stroked her hair, reassuring her constantly. She felt safe with him, strangely enough. Maybe because he had a similar air to Camellia, being nothing but caring towards her. It was nice to be held, especially right now. “I know that Morgana really likes you, she loves talking about you. She goes pink every time too.” She did? No, that doesn’t seem right. Morgana wasn’t easy to fluster she didn’t think, an intimidating but actually very sweet sorceress wouldn’t be like that. “Belle, there you are!” She looked up to see Morgana, her hair down and soaking wet. It took Belle a second to register it was raining, something she noticed when she saw Morgana. The taller of the two ladies took Belle from LP, hugging her and crying. “You had me so worried!” She did? Belle kept crying, tangling her smaller hands in Morgana’s. LP pat them both on the back, waving goodbye to them before leaving.

“I’m sorry I worried you, I just had to get away before hearing you say you don’t love me back.” Morgana’s breath audibly hitched for a second. She buried her face in Belle’s neck, sobbing. Belle was frozen, confused. This was new for Belle, no one really did this to her often. She wasn’t the shoulder people cried on. Morgana pulled away, looking Belle in the eyes. The smaller duck used her thumb to wipe away Morgana’s tears. The taller nudged her cheek into the smaller’s hand, smiling at the pale haired lady in her arms. Oh how Belle wanted to kiss Morgana, but she couldn’t, not now. “Your eyes are so beautiful Sweet, I could stare into them for the rest of eternity.” Belle blushed, smiling warmly. Morgana took the scarf from around her neck and put it around Belle, acting much as a shawl due to how wide it was.

Belle snuggled into Morgana, letting herself be carried back to Morgana’s house. Halfway there, Belle repeated something she admitted earlier. “I love you Morgana, so much.” The rain made it sound like she was mumbling, she kinda thought Morgana didn’t hear her. “I-I love you, too. S-Sorry I didn’t say earlier, I-I almost couldn’t believe it s-so it took me a minute.” Belle’s heart skipped a beat, her face turned bright pink. Despite the rain, she felt warm. She loves her? She loves her! Belle squealed, letting go of Morgana to flap her hands. She kicked her legs a little too. Morgana giggled, smiling at the smaller duck in her arms. Belle’s giggles were super cute, Morgana loved it, along with much more. Morgana set her down, letting Belle stand up and hug her arm, tail wagging ecstatically. Belle got her tiptoes, grabbing Morgana’s cheeks and gently pulling her down. Neither cared as the rain fell, soaking them through to their very core. Suddenly but softly, their beaks met in a kiss. Fireworks lit up behind Belle’s eyelids and her heart sounded louder in her ears. Morgana could feel the same, who would’ve thought she would be kissing the woman she loved in the rain.

Pulling away, Belle started crying again, overwhelmed with positive emotions. Morgana started crying too, giving Belle a second, chaste kiss on the beak. Both were incredibly happy, enjoying each other’s company. “Morgana?!” A recognisable voice said in disbelief. Under an umbrella was Darkwing himself. “There you are, your granny was... so worried... Am I interrupting something?” He gestured to the two. “Yes actually Dark, you interrupted my GIRLFRIEND and I.” She replied, emphasising girlfriend to confirm to Belle that this was in fact real. Darkwing apologized, offering to walk both girls home given he had an umbrella. They accepted, walking hand in hand. Belle hugged Morgana’s arm again, sighing softly and contently. The sorceress kissed her on the forehead, smiling fondly at her. A girlfriend, Belle had a girlfriend and it was the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen. She got a text from Camellia, checking up on her. Belle texted back that she was great and that she was now dating Morgana. Naturally, she was going to tell her best friend.

It started a little rocky, but it ended wonderfully. Morgana got scolded by her granny, but she wasn’t fazed. They both took showers and changed into their pyjamas, sitting on the couch to watch some stupid comedy. Morgana’s granny said she was glad they were okay, warning them though to not do that again. The smaller snuggled into Morgana’s side, hugging the plushie of her brother close to her chest. Morgana stroked her hair, saying “I love you” as she did. “I love you too, so much.” Megavolt was right, she loved her.

#morgana macawber #oc x canon #darkwing duck oc #darkwing duck ocs #darkwing duck #launchpad mcquack

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valkyrieprofilee · 4 years

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Listening Guide - Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange

“The concept behind Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is uncommon yet simple: mixing in-game voice acting with arranged music. It has given birth to a most controversial game music soundtrack that was "epoch-making at the time", according to its composer, Motoi Sakuraba.”

TRACK LIST - (00:59:14)

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Note: Although this guide aims to help listeners better enjoy and understand Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange, it is recommended you have prior knowledge of Valkyrie Profile’s story/ knowledge of the Japanese language to enjoy this album to the fullest extent.

READ MORE FOR GAME-OST.COM’S REVIEW

01) REQUIEM TO A PREDICAMENT ~ NEGATIVE ROOTS

The very start of the album sounds almost Baroque-oriented, with the familiar tune of "Requiem to a Predicament" played on an harpsichord. Quickly, the first voice of the album can be heard. Lenneth Valkyrie calls her companions to battle: "Shi no, saki wo yuku mono-tachi yo! / To my side, my noble Einherjar!". At first, the voice sounds distants and feeble, then, as voices from other characters start to gather around her voice, it becomes more firm and the background instrumentation grows in strength. At one point, all the energies have reached their apogee and the transition to the second part of the track is made as Lenneth commands "Ide yo! / Come forth!", unleashing the introduction to "Negative Roots".

That rush gives more room to instrumental action at first, with a solid, rockin' arrangement featuring, where a dreamy synth pad replaces the original flute, and gives the melody much more appeal. Lenneth's voice is heard from time to time, still urging the warriors to fight by her side in the middle of action. At 2:48, the "Requiem..." theme comes back to mark a pause in the middle of the fight. This time, the harpsichord is accompanied by a violin and low drums. These elements, as well as the male voices talking about death, add more gravity to the scene while Lenneth continues to summon more warriors. The drums get louder and louder, and another "Ide yo!" switches back to the dungeon theme, this time shorter, and with even more battlecries. Eventually, "Requiem..." is played for the last time but Lenneth's voice disappears, leaving two isolated voices: a man in great pain and a surprised girl.

I think this track constitutes a good, striking introduction that starts the story where it should. However, it isn't the best representative of the voice/music pairings that can be found on this album.

02) ANCIENT FANTASIES ~ A HOLLOW HEART

The pace of this arrangement has been slowed down compared to the original "Ancient Fantasies", and the leading instrument has been replaced by synth strings, so that it protrudes better. On the whole, it still sounds very similar. That same little girl's voice (most probably Nanami) is asking for Valkyrie to wait for her. The volume and reverb of her voice changes to simulate it becoming more and more distant. Freya's voice is leading, sounding as self-confident and direct as Lenneth was in the previous track. Their alternating voices coupled with fast synth percussions makes me think about the runs my party did into the game's vast dungeons.

The second part of the track starts as the first reaches its maximum level of tension. The brisk beat of "Ancient Fantasies" is maintained while the quiet mood of "A Hollow Heart" gradually sets in with Freya's reassuring voice. As the beat becomes more regular, words are repeated again and again in the background, as if Freya was trying to hypnotize us. This arranged version has a nice soothing effect that is used quite well as a break between two dungeon sessions.

The track ends with the second reprise of "Ancient Fantasies", using the very same quotes as the first one. At one point, a few words ("Waga na - Jougen no Shinri / My name - The Extend of Truth") are looped in the background while Freya continues talking. It is the beginning of the end: obsessional chaos seems to set in as layered voices endlessly repeat the same words...

03) THE CRUMBLING ID

The confusion induced at the end of the previous track couldn't have been better to introduce the ominous tone of "The Crumbling Id". A gigantic, very low noise lurks in the background, as dark sweeping pads and hard drums produce a feeling of despair. The prevailing mood here is anguish; I feel like I'm looking down at a bottomless pit, at something impossible to fathom for me as a human being.

The voices used in this track reflect that state of mind. Sakuraba illustrates "The Crumbling Id" with cries and supplications of a young man ("Ore no negai kanaete kure! / Please grant my wish!") while a girl is bursting into tears in the background. Her sobbing is emphasized by a strong reverb effect, which gives the impression that her voice is overwhelming the soundscape from all directions. The resulting atmosphere is gloomy, intimidating, and almost physically disturbing, as we don't expect the album to take this sinister turn at all after the first two action-based tracks. This is precisely where it really starts to be interesting: it's getting closer to the drama genre, but still has a strong musical dimension behind.

Note that this track is rather short and ends abruptly with a few piano notes. Was it all an illusion?

04) TO THE UNHALLOWED GROUND

By hearing the very first seconds, we know we're back into electronic action. After a few listens, I'm still wondering what the aim of this track might be. We're provided with a hardly recognizable electronic arrangement of the memorable introduction theme of the game. This version has a minimalist harmony, and focuses primarily on the use electronic samples and the building of a danceable rhythm. The impression of being in a nightclub is all the stronger as most of the voices are combat taunts of female characters. Nothing astounding here.

05) OUT OF CHAOS

"Out of Chaos" starts quietly, on a low and suspenseful tone. As Arngrim's self-confident voice introduces us to the heart of the track, warlike synth drums enter the stage to play a primitive rhythm. The voice gets distorted, and the track takes off after a final and provocative sentence ("Huh... taoreru made kirikizamu dake yo / Huh... Just a matter of carving you up till you die").

This arrangement relies mostly on sweeping synths and bass used to create a hectic and surreal atmosphere. Arngrim's reassuring male voice fits rather well in that context. After two loops, the track ends abruptly on his "special attack" taunt: "Teme no kao wo miaki ta ze / I've seen enough of your face".

Simple yet quite good.

06) BOOZE ON A MOONLIGHT NIGHT

"Booze on a Moonlight Night" is the first track of the album that has been exclusively composed for it. It's also the first track of the album to have such a nonchalant atmosphere: the four same chords are repeated from the beginning to the end, backed by slow drum loops quite similar to what can be heard in rap music. In the meantime, you can hear all the male badasses of the game enjoying themselves.

Their inebriation is simulated throughout the track by several elements: the pitch of their voice frequently deepening all of a sudden, the oneiric feel given by the sound of the main synth, the reassuring — almost effeminate — appearance of saxophone solos, the drums sounding heavier and heavier as time passes by. Sakuraba succeeds in building a thorough and realistic picture of your generic tavern, late at night, clouded with smoke and full of tired warriors looking for comfort into alcohol and women.

07) THE FIRST UNISON

There's something hypnotizing about the buildup that introduces this track. The main percussion loop seems like giant machinery put in motion. The way the motif created by all the instruments alternates between ascending and descending motif creates a sound disturbingly close to something that emulates a giant breathing. This organic aspect is reinforced by a few "fat" synth notes added at key-moments in the main loop. Behind this monstrous sound, a man — most probably Gandar — can be heard. His voice is as confident as the machinery's motion is unstoppable. He's the main character, and his laugh is the trigger to the body of this track.

The main melody is quite special: if you imagine it without the percussion, and with a slower tempo, it sounds like a very sad melody. However, forcing its rhythm to a dungeon-compliant pace makes it sound tragic and determined at the same time. According to the quotes that have been chosen, I think that's exactly how the character is like. The dramatic bridge of this track introduces a few battlecries, as well as a quote that will be heard until the end of the track: "Ore wa ore no tame ni ikiru / I live for my own sake". The mechanical drums of the beginning appear again, with this sentence looping in the background. As the end approaches, techno drums, a synth flute, and the man's voice participate in the final buildup.

I must say that "The First Unison" is the first track that left a totally positive impression on me, because it sounds more elaborated and deeper in meaning than the previous others.

08) CONFIDENCE IN THE DOMINATION

Those who already know the Original Soundtrack will quickly notice that the pace of this famous piece of music has been dramatically slowed down, and doesn't sound like a battle track anymore. It's as if it has been stretched to offer enough room to paste sentences inside. A few voice effects have also been added to the backing percussion, including male gruntings; at least that's fun to listen to!

I'm not very convinced about this one, mostly because I can barely stand its nonsensical new pace. Seriously, it's such a sluggish battle theme... *nays*

09) HEADS MAGIC, TAILS CURSE

"Heads Magic, Tails Curse" starts with a nice piano solo introducing the soothing voice of Lenneth, with chirpings in the background. I'm not sure about what the latter are supposed to represent (Birds? Shooting stars? The world of dead spirits?) but they surely add something to the serene, almost oneiric atmosphere of this introduction. It doesn't last long, however. As Valkyrie invites us — almost intimately — to follow her ("Isshioni ikimasho / Let's go together"), the dream ends... and the second part literally bursts in.

Now is that a nightmare or harsh reality? The contrast with the introduction is extremely violent, and we're surrounded all of a sudden by dissonant brass, berserk strings, and aggressive percussion. One thing is certain; what we're facing now outclasses human scale. Lenneth's last words resonate again, yet they are deformed. She sounds heartless, almost commanding. The metaphor is now much clearer; this track illustrates what happens to every character of the game, whose soul is taken at the moment of their death to become an Einherjar, a warrior spirit. From that moment on, their existence is dedicated to fighting demons along with Lenneth, hence that frightening and endless second part.

The conclusion to this track is some kind of flashback to the initial piano and chirping mood, focusing on one of the sentences Lenneth said at the beginning: "Tasuke... tasukeru towa ittai. Dono yo na koto o sase / To save... to save somebody eternally. What kind of thing do you make me do?".

Brilliant.

10) CIRCULATE ON A WINDUP DOLL

This track is a short interlude on the CD, summing up the fight with the dreadful Genevieve. The villain's taunts and laughs can be heard all over the arranged version of her own battle theme, featuring a cool organ improvisation in its second part. As expected, the track ends with a "oh no, I'm defeated!" verbose line, as well as a great organ/violin finale. I don't think it would have been better if it were longer.

11) THE NONSENSE OF REALITY

It all begins with one of these "ultimate showdown" moods: a monster's distorted voice responding to a man's determined voice, the whole being backed my a massive church organ toccata and electric guitar riffs. It all becomes weird when you realize that both voices are saying the same words.

The toccata ends at the 1:11 mark to make place for the body of the track; the fight between the man and his deformed self, incarnated by an rousing arrangement in the tradition of Sakuraba's epic prog-rock style. Battlecries and imprecations are well-integrated this time, both in terms of timing and volume. "The Nonsense of Reality" is the most energetic and epic track of the album. But while its form is very accessible, its contents don't reach great depths.

12) EVIL TALES AND OBLIGATIONS

The first thing one should notice is how the oriental flavour of the original version has been enhanced — and its boorishness put aside — to make the track actually enjoyable. The basic percussion use is still the same, but the samples have greatly improved, and the bass line can now be almost labelled as sexy. Last but not least, the Arabian flute that appears here and there adds a twisted touch to this restless atmosphere. The main character's voice is accompanied by an harpsichord, illustrating its refined cruelty. You've guessed it, the guest star of "Evil Tales and Obligations" is no less than everyone's favourite necromancer Lezard Valeth!

In this track, his evil laughs and his disgustingly confident voice are resonating through the hallways of his tower, reaching our ears as we struggle to reach the summit. A true tribute to evil!

13) THROUGH A THIN HAZE

Staying faithful to the game's spirit, the album continues on a tragic note, representing the death of a hero, illustrated by a grand orchestration of "Through a Thin Haze". More than that, if you succeed in getting into the track, the added voices will find their way to your heart, as they are cleverly used along with the intensity of the music.

A woman's soft voice enters the scene, talking to someone: "Ne, isshou ni iko yo / Come on, let's go together". At one point, her voice becomes tainted with sadness ("Koko ni kure wa anata no ibashio kanjirarerumono / This sunset is something that makes me feel where you are"), and we suddenly understand that the person she's talking to is no more. She continues to supplicate ("Shini takunai! / Don't die!") until she bursts out crying as the orchestra reaches its climax. A beautiful violin and piano interlude follows to back her silent mourning. After that, a strident noise can be heard as pain and fear rush back to her, triggering another burst of tears. Finally, church bells come in after a last orchestral climax, to add a solemn touch to this moving scene.

I'd place this track at the same level as "Epic Tale of a Holy Death" from the arranged album. However, I'm conscious of its hit-or-miss nature; these sobbings and cryings can be considered as annoying and ridiculous as I find them adequate. All is a question of believing in what is happening.

14) BLOODY PANIC

"Bloody Panic" is the second exclusive composition of this album. This one sounds like an ancestor of boorish Gothic metal songs, with its apocalyptic synths and its deep intimidating groans ("Osore, uyamae... waga na ha Bloodbane! / Fear me, worship me... I am Bloodbane!"). At one point, a piano pops in to play a few minor notes that sound like they've been directly taken from these awful 4-seconds-long loops used in cheap rap music.

A few measures later, the track switches back to distorted guitars and Bloodbane's growlings to finish on his long-awaited death. Nothing really interesting here; even if you happen to like that kind of music, I'm sure there are better incarnations than this one out there.

15) THE ROAD TO GLORY AND PROSPERITY

What would be better than the victory tune played at the end of each chapter to conclude this album? This orchestral arrangement is very enjoyable, though rather close to the original version. While the fanfare plays, a small girl's voice can be heard, encouraging us to go on with the adventure ("Watashi wa makenai / I'll never give up", "Watashi o mamori kudasai / Please protect me"). The track concludes after the last cymbal hit, with Lenneth's words "Shiawase ni narimasu yo / I wish you happiness".

In my opinion, the track is well-placed but the arranging and voicing effort hasn't been taken very far. It constitutes a decent ending nonetheless.

SUMMARY

I must say that when starting this review, I had a strong prejudice against the album, having read a couple of negative reviews. However, I hadn't gone through a real listen until I decided to review it. Believe it or not, I ended up extremely satisfied by this musical experience.

What exactly is Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange, then? First of all, its musical material consists of arranged tracks, plus two new ones that don't belong to the Original Soundtrack. But music shouldn't be the main subject of interest here. What makes this album special are the added voices from all the characters of the game. Valkyrie Profile being extremely rich and deep terms of voice acting, what you'll hear won't be only digitalized battlecries; the chosen quotes cover a broad emotional spectrum.

I think that people who listen to that album as any other work that can be played as background entertainment are quickly fed up with it because these voices don't stop begging for their attention. Indeed, it is especially difficult to focus on something else, since the voice acting is done well enough for everyone to be able to grasp the emotions of the characters. I'd say the best approach would be to "live" the album as an orchestrated series of plays, rather than a series of musical pieces with voices over them. The spirit of Sakuraba's work will appear by itself when you consider the characters as the centre of interest of each track. Note that it is not the same as a drama album either, because music is way more than background material.

Should I advise you to get it? It all depends on whether you're a speedy "background listener" or if you are patient enough to actually listen to an album without doing anything else at the same time. One thing is sure, however : the targeted audience is definitely those who are familiar with the game and its story. Having played and enjoyed Valkyrie Profile for at least a dozen hours is highly recommended before you try and listen to the album. Rated 08/10 by Reviewer ~END OF GAME-OST.COM REVIEW~ _______________________ NOTES

- Tracks 6 and 14 were not included in the original game

- Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is the third album released for Valkyrie Profile, four months after Valkyrie Profile Original Soundtrack and three months after Valkyrie Profile Arrange Album

- Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is the hardest to find of the three albums and is best obtained through eBay.

Alt. Track Titles: 01 – Heaven’s Requiem 02 – Long Generations of Anger 03 – Punishment Creed 04 – To an Anxious Earth 05 – Into Chaos 06 – Booze on a Moonlit Night 07 – The First Unison 08 – Confidence in the Domination 09 – Evil Mortals, Holy Divinity 10 – Circulate on a Windup Doll 11 – Responsibility 12 – An Evil Mechanism 13 – Sadness 14 – Bloody Panic 15 – To the Road of Light and Darkness

Catalogue Number: FSCA-10134 Composed By: Motoi Sakuraba Arranged By: Motoi Sakuraba Release Date: 06/21/2000 Published By: First Smile Entertainment

Cast: Lenneth: Yumi Touma Lucian: Nozomu Sasaki Mystina: Wakana Yamazaki Arngrim/Aluze: Hiroki Touchi Lezard Valeth: Takehito Koyasu Freya/Frei: Maria Kawamura Loki: Mitsuaki Madono Yumei, Celia: Hiroko Emori Aelia, Genevieve, Millia, Claire: Ai Orikasa Jelanda: Kae Araki Badrach, Surt: Mitsuaki Hoshino Brahms, Bloodbayne: Kenji Nomura Nanami: Natsumi Yanase Fuyuki: Daisuke Sakaguchi

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vanosslirious · 5 years

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Flash Fic: Near Death

[notes] I’m feeling depressed...so I kind of...expressed it rather negatively and positively, or whatever. I can’t seem to write romance the way that I want too, but it’s okay. I like friendship fics too.

— not edited, so expect errors.

[sprint] 15+ mins.

[wc] 1.3k

[pairing(s)] Terrormoo. Mild H2oVanoss.

[warnings] Spy/assassins/mercenary au. Friendship. Mild blood, guns, swearing. Ambiguous. Happy ending.

Moo wiped sweat and blood from his face. He was knelt behind a metal post, listening to his friends shooting back against the soldiers who found them. Maybe they should’ve been a bit more aware of what they were doing, but it didn’t matter. He had settled down in the shadows to catch his breath.

He checked his rifle, tossed the mag, replaced it, and joined the fray alongside his group of friends.

The lights were shot out awhile ago and all Moo could see were the flickers of gunfire, followed by the laughter of a few of his friends who didn’t take things seriously. At least not something like this.

He positioned himself and fired at anyone who came close to him. He was keen on who he needed to kill. His friend’s made sure that they were all noticeable, even in the dark. None of them feared these soldiers, and he was sure none of them feared death either. He sometimes called them idiots inside his head, but Moo found himself running into the chaos with them.

Maybe he was insane like they were.

Completely okay with the world that they thrived in, even though he didn’t look like the type to be a part of it.

Sometimes the days all bleed together, but the stability was his friends. Always his friends, and nothing more. Without them, he wasn’t entirely sure if he would survive the world if they weren’t standing beside him.

He wondered if it was the same for them.

“Moo, get down!” Basically called, and Moo did what he said without even thinking about it, an instinctual trust that coursed in his veins that had been instilled there for so long. Basically fired and killed a man several feet behind Moo. “Be careful,” he said as he rushed off the other way.

Moo nodded, and continued along the hall, making sure he wasn’t about to get shot at again. He killed a group, pulled out a knife from his holster when one of the soldiers got close enough. They were so quick, and a lot taller than Moo, but there was also the different types of combat they all went through. Sure, Moo wasn’t a soldier like they were, but he had a set of skills that easily took down his opponents.

The knife slit the man’s throat when Moo shot his foot, then his knee, and his stomach. He had fallen right where he wanted him to be in the darkness around them.

Moo continued on his way, climbing the stairs and catching sight of Vanoss and Delirious sitting behind a set of crates. They both wore their signature colors, red and blue, and were munching out on chips and cookies that looked recently stolen from a fridge somewhere.

Vanoss seemed to have sensed Moo’s eyes, and grinned up at him before it fell, he reached for the gun, and yelled Moo’s name. The bullet sent a loud ringing in his ear, making him wince as he moved to the side, glancing over his shoulder to see two men dead behind him.

“Watch out next time,” Delirious yelled, before grasping the bag of cookies and sprinting the other way, Vanoss held the bag of chips and was racing after him.

Maybe Moo wouldn’t be able to live without them, but he’d have to be alert if he wanted to stay alive.

He climbed another set of stairs, his finger on his comm that opened the channels to all of his friends. Well, besides Wildcat, Vanoss, Delirious, and Basically. They didn’t like when they were distracted by the others, but right now, Moo was listening to one voice he wanted to hear, and he was racing after him.

“I need help, help!” Terroriser yelled in the comm while Fourzer0seven and Panda were asking where he was.

“I’m closer,” Moo told them, jumping off a crate, and sprinting around a corner to the roof staircase where Terroriser had said where he was.

When he reached the roof, he caught sight of Terroriser fighting a man in tactical armor, face covered by a clunky helmet. They both didn’t have weapons on them, or at least from where he stood, Terroriser couldn’t get to it.

Moo pointed the gun, trying to get a clear shot without the rain getting into his eyes.

“Behind you,” Terroriser grunted, shoving the man off of him, taking out his gun, and shooting him in the chest.

Moo gasped when he was slammed into the back of the head and fell forward, landing on his knees and hands, the burn raked up his arms, leaving him trembling, as he barely twisted around before he was kicked in the side, a forced breath escaped his throat, and the person’s face was covered by a mask.

They held a pistol in their hand, and kicked Moo’s rifle to the side. It would be foolish to reach for his knife as the soldier pointed the gun at his head with a steady grip.

I’m going to die…

A gunfire knocked Moo out of his last thoughts, but it came from the person above him, and the man that Terroriser had shot was shoved into the soldier above Moo, their feet getting tangled as they tripped over Moo who tried to scramble away before one of the soldiers gripped his leg, and was dragging him over edge.

“No, no, no, no!” Terroriser jumped for Moo’s hands that were trying to grasp for anything to stop him from falling. “Fuck! Moo! I’m not going to let you die!”

“I...almost…” Moo said, trying to kick the soldier off that was gripping his leg. “The bastard won’t let me go.”

“Kick him off!”

“I’m trying!”

Moo gritted his teeth, holding back his gasp when Terroriser almost let go of him, both of them staring at one another with the silent horror that the rain wasn’t helping with their predicament, and that Moo was in real danger of falling to his death.

“We need help!” Terroriser yelled, fingers digging into Moo’s wrists. “I’m not going to let you go, for fuck sakes!”

Moo’s breaths came out in shudders as he tried to shove the soldier off, but they were slowly crawling up his body.

“Brian…”

“No, fuck you, Moo, fuck you!” Terroriser yelled. “The roof, you assholes, get to the roof! Moo’s going to die if you assholes don’t come up here!”

Wildcat laughed in Terroriser’s ear, “Shut up, when have we ever let Moo die?”

“Exactly,” Vanoss said, sounding louder, and with the flash of lightning, he was pointing his gun down at the soldier and shooting him off of Moo’s leg. He grinned as Delirious was scouting the roof for anymore soldiers.

Terroriser and Vanoss pulled Moo onto the roof, and Terroriser yanked Moo into his arms, holding him tightly to his chest. “Holy shit. I thought I was going to let you go, fuck…”

“The soldier was heavy,” Moo chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“Is Moo safe or what?” Wildcat asked in their ears.

“Yeah,” Delirious answered, standing next to Vanoss and grinning at Moo and Terroriser. “He’s fine. Have you guys secured the rest of the building, or what?”

“We’re getting to that.”

Moo pulled away from Terroriser and smirked at him. “I’m fine, Brian. It was a close call, but I’m fine.”

Terroriser nodded, his face paler than usual, but it was dark, and Moo frowned at the helpless expression on his face.

“I’m okay, Brian.”

Terroriser nodded slowly, “You’re okay, you’re okay....okay…”

Moo helped Terroriser to his feet, and they followed Vanoss and Delirious back down into the building so they could secure what they came here to do. Which half of them didn’t know of, but it didn’t matter. They were done.

Moo was right, he wouldn’t have been able to live without them, and he was sure, they wouldn’t be either if he fell to his death.

They were okay, and that’s all that mattered.

51 notes · View notes

greennct · 5 years

Text

johnny in a café

look at his lil face in this photo eye- !!!! anyway i love johnny i love cafés here u go i guess :))) i feel like this went on for so long i had to end it where i did, but it seems kind of unfinished to me, so if u want a part ii, lmk! 💞💖💘

(1.8k words, fluff, johnny makes a dick joke, swearing as you can tell lmao)

song rec: coffee break by lucas & jonah nilsson y'all know i had to

To be completely honest, you had never really cared for kpop idols.

Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t have anything against them, you had just always been too busy with your schoolwork to genuinely pay attention to one particular group, and aside from the huge hits which came on at every party, you couldn’t say you knew very much about the industry as a whole. It wasn’t that you disliked them, you just didn’t know enough about kpop to formulate an overall positive or negative opinion.

Maybe that was why your friend Minhyuk tolerated you working in SM’s café. He had scored the job there a few summers ago (”Due to my charming personality and unparalleled good looks,” he had informed you), and you were the only one in your friendship group that he had let in on the secret, presumably because of your indifference towards the company. You had been looking for a place to study in peace close to campus ever since your college days had commenced, and you decided that the café was an adequate spot. Since Minhyuk knew you weren’t concerned with idols’ lives, he was confident you wouldn’t cause trouble, and convinced his manager to let you stay there for hours, so long as you gave him a ride home at the end of his shift.

Although it was usually annoyingly busy, filled with tourists and teenagers attempting to spot their favourite members, and the coffee was watered-down Starbucks-esque bullshit, the seats were comfortable, and walking there took less than five minutes from your lecture hall. As long as you kept your head down, and your headphones in, you found the place was tolerable, and after a while you grew to harbour a small affection for the pink walls (although you never got used to the huge posters of the SM idols boring holes into your forehead that were replaced every week).

Unfortunately, your uninterrupted bliss was not destined to last. The end of your study salvation came in the form of a tall, permanently smirking idol, who suddenly started gangling through the café at least once a week. Whilst most of the idols who frequented the café came through as surreptitiously as they could, cap pulled over their head, mask pulled to the side as they stage-whispered their order, this boy was the complete opposite. Rattling off his group’s order ostentatiously, he made sure to send frequent winks over his shoulder at the fans almost weeing themselves at the sight of the back of his head.

The first time he came down, there were so many squeals you took out your headphones in alarm, afraid the fire alarm had gone off, or there was some other emergency. Fortunately, it was only the boy who had caused the ruckus, and you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes slightly at all the fuss.

This was probably your first mistake.

It seemed no one else in the café had noticed your unimpressed expression, apart from, strangely, the boy himself. To your utter surprise, he sent a wink directly your way, and a finger heart a few seconds later, when he realised that instead of being met with a scream, you had just frowned slightly. The ‘fanservice’ was uncomfortable for you, not only because his sudden attention drew others in the café to look at you, but also because, well to be frank, you had no idea who he was. You didn’t have a clue what he did. For all you knew, he could’ve been a particularly attractive manager the fans had taken a liking to.

Nevertheless, you simply shoved your earphones back in, and got on with the rest of your work. He returned the very next day. This time, the café was less crowded, so though there were still some scattered gasps and shrieks when he walked in, you could keep your headphones in. You made sure to keep your eyes glued on your screen for the duration of his visit, pointedly ignoring him in hopes of avoiding contact with him this time. When he left without acknowledging you, there was a fleeting moment of disappointment. You put it down to lack of sleep.

The boy didn't return for the rest of the week, and to be honest, you kind of forgot about the noisy kpop idol, mind more fixated on your looming midterms. It was only when Minhyuk practically yanked you over the counter the following Thursday morning, that he even crossed your mind again.

“Guess who asked for your name this morning!” He hissed, eyes wide.

It was clear from your deadpan expression you weren’t about to start listing possible culprits, so you were given the answer practically immediately.

“Johnny Seo!” Minhyuk gaped at your blank face. “Okay, I knew your kpop knowledge was bad, but how can you not know who NCT are?!”

Clueless at his indignant expression, you simply scoffed, grabbed your coffee cup from his hands, and sat back down, ignoring his protests, begging to show you “Just one music video!” No matter how curious you were as to who this Johnny might be, as long as you had exams, you did not have time for boys, famous kpop idol or not.

After a few hours of studying, you finally cracked. You reasoned with yourself that surely a quick Google wouldn't hurt during your 15 minute break. 40 minutes, and about 300 open tabs later, you had to admit, he was cute. Somehow he managed to look both sweet and sexy at the same time, exuding the cocky charisma that had irked you the first time you had saw him. You decided he looked less annoying when he wasn’t able to open his mouth. Planning to focus on his group’s discography next break, you were just about to close the browser window when-

“Hey.”

Slamming your laptop shut, in a desperate attempt to hide your browser history, you kept your eyes focused on your shoes. Having just watched an interview, you knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

“Hi, Johnny.”

“Oh, so you do know who I am! Guess you just got a little starstruck last week, huh, babe?”

Your nose crinkled at the sentence. No matter how good-looking Johnny was, there was no bigger turn-off to you than rudeness.

“I had other things to do. Bigger fish to fry and all that.” You kept your tone curt, still avoiding his gaze, unable to trust yourself to not accidentally reveal what you had just been doing for the good part of an hour.

“Pretty sure the biggest fish around here, is uh, standing in front of you, if you know what I mean.”

Your nose crinkled in disgust. Ugh. If you’re going to make a dick joke, at least make it funny, or at least, have some semblance of logic within its reasoning, you thought.

He chuckled, seemingly unfazed that you weren’t joining in with his laughter. “Well, listen, babydoll, I’ve gotta run, star member of the world’s biggest boyband and all that, but why don’t you take this,” he slid a note onto your textbook with a set of digits on it, “And give me a call. Whenever.”

With that, he was gone. You could finally lift your head up. Sighing, you picked up the scrap of paper Johnny had left. There was a fleeting moment when you considered selling the number, but you ended up just tossing it into the bin, pointedly ignoring Minhyuk practically hyperventilating in the corner over the interaction between you two.

Thankfully, Johnny didn’t come in for a few weeks after that. You began to think you were safe. You had realised the boy had started weeping up on you in small ways. You no longer scoffed when you saw billboards with his face on it, started listening to his music when studying, even wondering what he was up to from time to time. As far as you were concerned, the further away Johnny was, the better.

As soon as you began you relax again, Johnny turned up.

“You didn't call.”

He seemed confused, towering over you once again. You considered pretending to have not heard him, after all, you still had your headphones in, but eventually decided it was better to just reject him as early as possible.

“You didn't ask if I was going to. You just gave me your number.” You accused, practically ripping the buds out.

“Well, I didn't think-”

“No. You didn't.” Turning back to your computer, you were about to resume your music, when you realised he was still talking.

“But... Why not?” His voice faltered slightly, though you had no sympathy for him.

You scoffed, twisting in your chair, rolling your eyes right at him. “Because, though it might seem crazy to you, Mr. Seo, not every person on the planet is head over heels in love with you!" Your voice got louder, and you cursed yourself silently for being so easily riled up by him.

To your complete surprise and utter frustration, Johnny simply laughed at your little outburst, previous blip in confidence nonexistent. “Not yet they aren’t.”

You cursed how obvious your blush was. It completely undermined your statement, and both you and Johnny knew it.

He slouched off, sending a lopsided smirk in your direction as you groaned. You were going to have to find a new café.

As much as you hated to admit it, Johnny did start to creep into your thoughts more often. You kept frequenting the café, despite telling yourself that you needed to find a new one, and didn’t care for the tiny shiver of adrenaline every time you heard the gasp of someone recognising an idol. You were surprised to find yourself dismayed as the time started to stretch between Johnny’s last visit.

Running your hands through your hair, you sighed, unable to focus that evening. It had been a stifling afternoon, and since the cafés air-con had broken, you were literally the only customer in the entire building, trapped into waiting until Minhyuks shift ended. Sighing for what felt the the thousandth time today, you read and re-read the introduction to your essay, unable to be productive at all. You were ridiculously distracted by that stupid boy! Maybe you should take another class, you considered, your brain seemed to have a lot more free time than you liked. All you could think about was whether or not Johnny was in the building, whether he forgot you, whether he thought about you, what he was doing right now, why-

“Feeling as sweet as you look, Princess? Because let me tell you, it’s not exactly a pretty sight to-”

This time, upon hearing Johnny’s voice, you were shocked to have to suppress a smile. Distance really did make your heart grow fonder. There was no denying it now. You liked Johnny, the most obnoxious, self-absorbed person you knew.

“Never call me Princess again.” You deadpanned, figuring it was safest to ride out your surely temporary crush on Johnny, until he had moved on and you were safe to study in peace.

“Sure, Princess.” You tried not to notice how nice the word sounded when he said it. “Are you free?”

“What? W- why?” You prayed Johnny hadn’t noticed your stutter.

“Why not? I wanna take you on a date. Nothing’s stopping me.” A pause. “You aren’t nervous, aren’t you?” Of course he had picked up on it.

“Of course not!” You found your voice again.

“Okay, then lets go!” He reached for your hand, as if the matter had been settled.

“Excuse you? I have work! Essays and projects and a million other things that I need to do!” This was a lie. Your latest piece of homework was due in two weeks.

“So what I’m hearing is... later.”

“Whatever.”

“So, that’s a yes!” He whooped, grabbing you out of your chair and spinning you around.

Your face had never been redder in your life. Spluttering, you managed “I didn’t- I wasn't-”

“Oh, but you did! You were! I knew you couldn’t resist me!” Johnny crowed. With that he practically sprinted out of the door, and you were left flushed and wondering what in the world you had just agreed to.

Johnny didn’t come back to the café for another four weeks. You found it morbidly ironic that the when you finally decided that you wanted to see him, he was nowhere to be found. You ended up staying later than you needed to, having finished all your work and instead pottering around on your laptop, glancing around the café every few minutes. However, Johnny started to become more and more elusive. You tried to reason with yourself that since he was an idol, he had an extremely busy schedule, and even if he wanted to take you out, he couldn't. You knew he had a comeback coming out, as the promotional posters for it had been stuck all over the building. Yet as the distance between his last visit stretched longer and longer, you wondered whether you had imagined the boy’s interest after all.

Of course, after all your agonising and pining, you didn’t even notice Johnny when he actually did come into the café. Your headphones were in, as usual, attempting to drown out the boy talking loudly on the phone next to you. A light tap on your shoulder made you jump out of your skin, your terrified expression automatically melting into a smile when you saw who had been the culprit of your shock.

“Johnny!” You beamed.

“Woah, don’t look too happy to see me! I won’t be able to recognise you, from the Ice Princess you were last week.”

Wrinkling your nose slightly, you shot back, trying to distract from your flustered face “Four weeks ago, was the last time you saw me, not last week.”

“Not that you’re counting.” was the cheeky reply.

You chuckled. Touché.

Johnny flipped the chair opposite you backwards, sitting with his two legs resting comfortably on either side of the back of the chair, leaning on it’s top rail with his broad chest. You couldn’t help but notice how endearing his boyishness was.

“So, are you free now, Princess? Still up for the date I was promised?”

“Uhh...” You pretended to check your calendar app. “I guess I could spare an hour or two.”

“Wait, seriously?!” Johnny almost fell of his chair.

“You act as though I didn’t agree to it the first time you asked me.”

“I know, I just didn’t think you were actually serious! I mean,” You raised your eyebrows. “Well, we both know you’re out of my league!” It was his turn to flush. You were shocked by his words.

“You. An idol. A person whose job it is to look attractive. Thinks that I. The most average person you will ever meet. Is out of his league.” Your voice and expression were so deadpan, Johnny leaned over the table to ruffle your head affectionately, giggling.

“You’re hilarious, see? That’s what I’m talking about.”

You stood up, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. “Let's go, Seo.”

“Hey, that rhymed!”

You forgot to roll your eyes, too busy blushing when Johnny brushed your shoulders with his fingertips, wordlessly taking the bag from you and shifting it onto his back instead.

“C’mon, Ice Princess. Let’s go someplace with real food. The coffee here is awful - I only came down here to talk to you, anyway.”

#johnny #johnny seo #johnny nct #nct #nct 127 #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fanfic #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #johnny imagines #Johnny scenarios #johnny fanfic #writings

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asras-eyelashes · 5 years

Text

Book 0: The Fool

Full AO3 Fic // Previous | Next

Chapter 15: A Chirp and a Cast

It’s now been a few weeks since your aunt had kicked you out. The autumn air hints at the oncoming winter months. Unfortunately, you had left the shop with only the clothes on your back, but Asra, and with some convincing, Muriel, had gathered a couple of spare garments to keep you warmer. As you slowly wake up, you’re grateful for the clothes they had given you.

It’s a rare morning in which your aunt allows herself to sleep in and have the shop closed. She had grumbled before all but sweeping you out with the day’s dust that she would be taking a day off for herself. You had felt a physical reaction at her words, your fatigued bones sighing with relief at the prospect of not having to get up at grueling hours to get to the shop.

You let out a huge yawn and stretch lazily, almost bumping Oberon. You giggle and apologize before glancing up at the window, you notice the sun’s rays peeking through the forest’s canopy. Broadening your gaze, you realize that both Asra and Muriel are absent from the hut.

After your first night here, you had thought that over time, Muriel would soften up to the idea of your temporary stay here. But after all this time, you haven’t really seen much progress in terms of your relationship with Asra’s friend. He seems to avoid interacting with you as much as possible, and when he must speak to you, it’s always in the fewest words possible.

What had you done? You’ve been stumped about this for a while now. Was it because you’re taking so much space in the hut? Or something else?

Your rumbling stomach stops your train of thought. Breakfast first, before any more negative energy.

Getting up, you go over to the hut’s small cabinet to get the half loaf of bread from yesterday, along with a handful of berries that Asra foraged. Oberon sniffs your hands eagerly.

You eat as you walk outside, wondering where Asra and Muriel went off to. You find Asra drawing water with magic from the nearby well, and Muriel feeding his chickens. The first night you had arrived, it had already been so dark that you hadn’t noticed the chickens near the hut. But on your first morning, you had been presently surprised. Muriel and Asra always had fresh eggs for breakfast.

“Morning,” you greet the two of them. Asra happily returns the morning greeting, but Muriel merely hums while continuing to feed his chickens. You let out a sigh, bringing your hands to your hips. Well, you know what you’re going to do today: you’re finally going to get Muriel to like you. Or at least, start warming up to you. Baby steps.

Ambling over to the tall guy, you casually ask, “Hey, Muriel, need any help?”

Muriel flinches, startled by the direct question. He takes a moment before answering.

“No,” he mutters under his breath.

“Are you sure?” you ask again, kneeling down to pet one of his chickens. It clucks happily before continuing to peck the ground.

“Yes.”

You hum, continuing to interact with his chickens. He has quite a few, and they’re all lovely.

“Do they have names?” you ask him after a silent minute passes.

He starts again, thinking that you had finished interrogating him. But he doesn’t say anything, and simply purses his lips into an annoyed pout.

Determined to keep having this conversation, you look up at him. “Is that a no?”

You notice his cheeks start to turn a bit pink. He mumbles something under his breath, but you couldn’t catch it.

You stand up and dust off your knees. “Sorry?”

“They do,” he mumbles again, just a fraction louder.

You smile. “What are they?”

Muriel’s cheeks get a shake pinker, but for what reason you’re not sure. While you’re sure he heard you, he doesn’t say anything. You turn your attention back to the chickens, willing to be patient. You’re not sure of Muriel’s circumstances, other than what Asra has told you, but from what you’ve heard, speaking and holding a conversation isn’t his strong suit.

Just as one hen curiously inspects Oberon by your shoes, you hear his gravelly voice. “That one’s Bridget.”

You smile and look up at Muriel, who pointedly is not returning your gaze. With a light giggle, you turn your head back to the chicken. “Hello, Bridget.” She happily clucks and gently nips at your fingers.

“What about that one?” you ask, pointing to another hen.

“Her name’s Gwyn.”

One by one, you ask Muriel each chicken’s name until you know them all. It’s endearing to know that Muriel had given each and every one of his chickens a unique name. It speaks to his personality as well. He may seem rather gruff, but between the three of you, he may have the softest heart. You’re glad he had been willing enough to open up to you, at least a little.

“Hey, Muriel, I think there might be a storm coming. The air seems pretty charged - did you want to try and cast your runes today?” Asra asks, strolling up to the two of us.

You had seen Muriel’s runes only a couple of times. Asra had only given you a hasty explanation when you had asked. You would be curious to see someone actually cast and read runes.

Muriel glances at you before looking up towards the sliver of sky between the trees. He takes another moment before nodding.

Asra gives you an excited look. “We discovered this small mountain in the forest, and the magical energy there is crazy. Maybe you can bring some stuff to make potions with, or we can try to do a tarot reading.”

Eager for a second try, you decide to have another go at Asra’s deck. Asra runs inside to grab his cards, and Muriel gets his cloak. You look excitedly down at your familiar, who excitedly hops into your shirt.

The three of you set off on a path hidden from your eyes. But Muriel and Asra lead you with confidence. The sky above darkens with heavy clouds, and you can practically feel the energy in the air humming in your ears.

“Will the chickens be ok from the rain?” you ask Muriel as he treks ahead.

He turns his head to you before nodding wordlessly.

“It shouldn’t rain too badly, but you never know. The season’s about to change, so things can be a bit unpredictable,” Asra says. You nod in response.

After climbing over tree roots and carefully avoiding prickly vines, you finally feel the ground start to slope upwards sharply. The trees thin out bit by bit until you see a clearing up ahead. You feel Oberon wriggle up and stick his nose out, taking in all the new scents.

“Here it is. You have no idea how hard this was to find, we gotta tell you when we get back,” Asra giggles.

“Yeah no kidding, this is pretty off the beaten path,” you agree. But you know by now that Asra has a curious spirit. It probably wouldn’t take him much to find a place like this.

Once you’re all in the clearing, Muriel drops the hood of his cloak and takes out his bag of runes. You watch, while trying to give him space.

Kneeling, the shaggy haired boy takes a long pause before picking out five runes and setting them in a specific order in the shape of a cross. You glance at the symbols, not too familiar with what they mean. But you spot a rune that looks like a hook and one that looks like a cross before Asra tugs at you.

“It’s best not to crowd too much. We can take a look at his runes back at the hut if you want,” he says under his breath.

Your cheeks heat up, a bit embarrassed. You guess it would be intimidating if someone peers over your shoulder as you draw cards, or make potions.

“Right,” you answer, before taking a seat across from Asra a bit away from Muriel. In the distance, you hear thunder booming, and feel the energy around you vibrate.

“Let’s see if you can speak to one of the Major Arcana, like I can with the Magician,” Asra suggests, picking out the twenty two cards. You nod as he does so. In your peripheral vision, you see Faust slither out from Asra’s clothes and get comfortable in the grass beside him. Oberon joins Faust and decides to use the friendly snake as a pillow.

Once he has them, he lays them out in a circle, silently inviting you to explore the cards once he’s done.

You take a deep breath, centering yourself and concentrating your energy…

There. You feel a card pull you towards it. Slowly, you pick it up before looking at it.

The Fool.

As you blink, your vision blurs, and the last thing you see is Asra also drawing a card.

~ ~ ~

You open your eyes to find yourself lying on a boulder in an open field. A gentle spring breeze tickles your cheeks, and sways the flowers around you.

Getting up on your elbows, you take a look around. You don’t recognize where you are. You should be in the mountain clearing with Asra and Muriel, but you aren’t. For some reason, that thought doesn’t worry you.

Standing up, you look at the flowers and smile. It’s going to be winter soon in Vesuvia, so you won’t be seeing anything like this for a while. Best to enjoy it while you can.

Hopping down from the boulder, you breathe in the delightful air. You feel energized, renewed, but you have no idea why. Looking around, you pick a direction and decide to explore.

The grass seems to bounce along your pace as you walk, and the flowers breathe in sync with you. What is this place?

Just as you see something interesting, out the corner of your eye you see a flash of white darting in the grass. You whip around, and think you hear barking, before a strong gust of wind topples you backwards.

~ ~ ~

You slowly open your eyes, blinking several times to clear your blurry vision. You feel a familiar tongue licking your cheek.

You reach over and scratch his head before rising. Funny, you don’t recall falling, or fainting...what happened?

You hear Asra say your name. “Are you alright?”

Getting up to a sitting position, you meet your friend’s eyes. He seems worried, but also curious.

“I...I think so,” you mutter, holding your head. “What happened?”

“You drew a card, and then a moment later, you fell backwards,” he explains.

Friend fell! You hear Faust say.

“I...fell?” you mutter, partially to Asra and partially to yourself. You then realize you’re still holding onto the card you drew. You decide to take a better look.

“I drew the Fool,” you murmur as you stare at it. In the distance, you hear Muriel’s runes clacking together.

There’s a moment of silence between you and Asra before he lets out an epiphanic “oh!” You look up, startled.

“Do you think you visited the Fool’s realm?” he asks, eyes wide.

You blink before examining the card again. An empty field...with a familiar boulder…

“I...I think I did,” you gasp, mouth agape. This had only been your second attempt at tarot cards...maybe the energy up here really is that strong.

Asra then looks over to Muriel, who rises and brushes off his legs. He comes over to us.

“All done?” Asra asks. Muriel simply nods. “Did you find any answers?”

Muriel gazes at his runes thoughtfully before speaking. “Some.”

Satisfied, Asra also rises, and offers you a hand. You find that your legs are a bit weak after your magical journey, and are thankful for his help.

He tugs you up, and your legs wobble at the sudden weight that they have to carry. You think you’re going to fall again, but you feel two warm arms around you.

“Careful, wouldn’t want you to fall again,” Asra murmurs as you lean against him in his arms.

You feel your cheeks burn, and you’re sure that you’re the same color as his scarf right now. But being in his arms isn’t the worst place to be in right now.

He helps steady you on your feet as Muriel puts up his hood. He looks up at the sky and listens to the thunder. “Gonna rain soon,” he says.

“Yeah, we should hurry back. I think a good lunch is deserved for all of us,” Asra decides, picking up Faust. Oberon quickly hops up on your shoulders. As the three of you walk down from the clearing, you all discuss what would be good for lunch. Thinking about it, not only are you noticeably tired, but you’re also pretty hungry. You suggest something hearty as your stomach grumbles.

“I wouldn’t mind. I’m sure you spent more energy than you intended today,” he says to you.

As if to confirm his comment, your foot catches on a surprise root, and trip. You let out a yelp and grab the first thing your hands could reach, which happens to be Muriel’s unsuspecting arm.

Thankfully, he doesn’t allow you to fall, and allows you to use his hand to balance yourself. You apologize before thanking him, to which he grumbles a “no problem” with pink cheeks and a slight pout. Asra chuckles at the sight and leads the way.

You straighten yourself and walk alongside Muriel.

“How was your casting?” you ask, attempting at a conversation.

Muriel just hums with a satisfied tone. You take that as it went well.

“...Asra mentioned you ask questions while you cast runes. What did you ask them?”

For a while, he is silent, leaving the crunch of leaves under your feet and other sounds of the forest to hang in the air. Then he speaks.

“I asked a few.”

“Oh. What was one of them?”

Again, another pause.

“If I could trust you.”

His candid answer takes you off guard for a moment. While it isn’t really a secret of Muriel not opening up to you, something still stings when you hear that out loud.

“...What did the runes say?” you ask tentatively.

This time, you’re afraid Muriel isn’t going to answer you, the silence is so long. But after a minute passes, he answers.

“...Yes.”

You quietly let out a breath you didn’t know you’re holding. Something warm inside you makes you smile. You look up to give Muriel a smile, but again, he keeps his gaze forward.

After nearly tripping a few more times, you make it back to the hut unscathed. Muriel wanders off just to check on his chickens, while Asra heads inside with you to get started on lunch.

“Have a seat, I’ll make you some tea while I get started,” Asra says as you take off your coat.

“Are you sure? I can help,” you insist, not wanting him to do all the work.

“It’s fine, Muriel can help later. Besides, wouldn’t want you to fall with something hot in your hands,” he smiles as he puts on water to boil.

You shrink into the chair you’re sitting in, blushing. You catch Oberon’s gaze. You swear he’s laughing, but that’s just your intuition speaking. Either way, you boop his nose teasingly.

Asra sets a tea cup for you before heading back to the stove. You thank him and blow on the mug before sipping. The herbal scent fills your nose, and the sip of tea warms your body.

Muriel walks in with bunches of herbs and vegetables. Asra thanks him as he sets them down on the countertop before taking off his cloak. You continue to sip your tea to the sounds of a knife hitting the cutting board and the fire in the stove crackling warmly.

#book 0 #book 0: the fool #asra x mc #asra x apprentice #asra alnazar #the arcana #the arcana fanfiction

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averyonelovesjack · 6 years

Text

unexpected ending ~ daniel seavey

requested: yes

Could it be about daniel doing a super cute promposal or a marriage proposal that starts with her thinking he's cheating or something when really he's out preparing for it..

summary: the night starts off with y/n extremely worried about her boyfriend’s whereabouts, but ends with a surprise that she couldn’t have seen coming.

warning(s): worries of cheating

word count: 2081

taglist: @whydontwedanielcv @ijustreallylovethem @blessbesson

each time grew longer and longer and the excuses grew vaguer and vaguer. the days spent home alone came in abundance as the summer grew near and i couldn’t help but wonder if it was what i feared the most about a relationship.

it started off by saturday nights with the boys beginning two months ago. then it was spending three days a week alone in the studio, while the others were just chilling at home (according to social media, at least). now, i’m not even sure when he’s coming home. it seems like as the days went on, he only grew busier and busier with only god knows what and my hopes dropped and dropped.

it’s a friday night in which daniel and i had plans.

seven o’clock, he said. i’ll be home by six and we’ll leave at seven.

being an absolute imbecile, i thought, it’s going to be a lovely night. he’s going to be back with me. he’s gonna spend time with me.

it’s now eight o’clock and i knew more than ever that the one thing i didn’t want to be right about was the only figure of my thoughts that seemed to come real. how can that be possible? how is that how life works?

my heeled foot tapped impatiently against the hardwood floors of our shared home in california. i fiddled with my fingers, a popular aspect of my brewing anxiety. everything was going a million miles a minute. i never thought it’d be daniel. of all of the relationships i’ve been in. i never thought it’d be daniel. i mean, why would it be?

he was always the sweetest. he cared-- cares the most. daniel has always been the most loving. there are a thousand different ways that he’s shown me that. he’d never do anything without a second thought about how it’d affect me or us. it was always the two of us conquering the world together. why would it be daniel?

as my blood boiled with pain and fear, my nimble fingers quickly typed the name into my phone and i pulled the phone up to my ear, listening to the beeping and praying i wouldn’t get the answering machine.

“hey, y/n!” The voice rang through my phone and I nearly jumped.

“jonah!!,” I exclaim, “is daniel with you?”

There was a brief pause, “no... i thought he was supposed to be with you tonight.”

a long-held sob escaped my quivering lips, “he was. i--i-i- waited an h-hour and he n-n-never showed up. i thin- i-i-i think that he’s cheating, jonah.”

there was panic behind jonah’s voice. i’m not sure if it was because he didn’t want that to happen, because he knew it was true, or some other reason, but he was certainly uneasy with what i’d just said, “Y/n, i’m sure he’s on his way. Don’t freak out just yet, okay?”

“j-jonah, it’s been an hour. it’s not like him. he’s probably moved on from me by now.”

“hey, hey, i’m sure that’s not true. Don’t think about the negative possibilities. There’s a much higher chance that it’s something stupid and he’ll be there any minute.”

“It’s been months, jonah. it hasn’t been the same for months and i think i lost him. I don’t know what the positives here are.”

“there could be traffic,” He tries, stuttering his words as he scrambled for his own answers, “o-o-or he got caught up with something. yeah, it’s probably something like that.”

“he probably got caught up with a prettier girl,” i cry out and grab a tissue from the table, wiping it gently under my eyes.

“Y/n, don’t get discouraged. That isn’t true, you know that,” There was some noise in the background, assuring me that I was bothering my friend in the middle of something, “he loves you. everyone on the face of this earth knows that. i know what it looks like, but trust that it isn’t what it appears to be. there other explanations.”

I sniffle a little, “i don’t know, jonah.”

“trust me--better yet, trust daniel. he loves you, i promise. it’s all going to be okay in the end,” he tells me and the voices grow louder as i hear him tell someone my name.

“you sound busy,” i let out a small laugh, “I better let you get back to it.”

“it’s fine,” he declines, “are you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah,” i nod my head although i know he can’t see it, “I’m sure i’ll be fine. Have fun.”

“Don’t get discouraged, y/n,” he says one final time, “i’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“okay, bye jonah,” I sniffle again, “thank you.”

“it’s not a problem y/n,” jonah finalizes the conversation and i hang up the phone. there was a slightly better feeling in my stomach, but at the same time, he wasn’t with the boys and they didn’t know where he was either. there was very obviously something being kept from me.

another fifteen minutes passed when i heard the doorknob turn. my body jumped up off the couch and stood in front of the grey furniture that we’d picked out when we had just moved in. i’m not sure what i’ll do if it’s him. i’m not sure what he’ll do. is there some lazy or vague excuse? is it even worth listening to at this point?

As soon as he walked in, he had his hands in front of him and a nervous look on his face, “Y/n, i promise i can explain!!”

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to remain strong even though i knew i didn’t look the part. He started to walk closer to me as i didn’t respond and when he came close enough, the worry grew and his hands gently planted on my arms.

“love... have you been crying?” Daniel questions with fear in his voice.

“Where have you been?” my voice was dry and my throat sore.

“There’s an explanation,” He closes his eyes, “but i can’t give it to you yet.”

“You can’t give me your explanation?” I scoff, “You’re practically gone for two months and then our first date night in what seems like forever is canceled because you’re late for a reason you can’t tell me yet?”

“It’s not canceled, y/n,” he says, “come on, there’s still time.”

“Daniel, you said the reservation was for 7:30 and it’s already 8:15. It’ll be too late by the time we’re there and there’ll be no tables. There’s no point in driving up there for nothing.”

“I always have a backup baby, come on,” he tells me.

“what’s the point? what’s so important about this? huh? i haven’t been that important to you recently, so what makes me important today? what makes me better right now?”

“Y/n, you know that’s not true,” he sighs, “I promise. please, come on. this means so much to me and i’m pretty sure you won’t regret it by the end of the night. we’re gonna fix it tonight.”

“pretty sure?” i sigh.

“there’s always the .1% chance that you hate everything and break it off and run off to canada, but if i know you as well as i do, you won’t,” he tells me and i let a small laugh out.

“fine,” i say, “can i just touch up my makeup?”

the drive wasn’t nearly as long as the drive to the restaurant would have been. as soon as we got close though, daniel pulled into an empty parking lot and pulled out a bandanna. i wasn’t quite sure what it meant, but he explained that if he didn’t do this, it’d ruin the surprise.

daniel guided me out of the car and somewhere for about five minutes, it took a little while. the only noises i could hear were the breathing split between daniel and i, and the soft directions that daniel fed into my ear while he guided us up some stairs.

after a long few minutes, we stopped moving and daniel turned my body. i felt a pull from behind me and then daniel lifted my bandanna off my head. we were in a dark room and he stood in front of me with a smile on his face and a guitar over his chest.

“Daniel, where are we?” i look to the sides of me and as i turn around it becomes clear to me that we’re inside an empty theater. i let a small smile fall on my face.

instead of answering, daniel begins to strum a few chords on his guitar. I recognized the song immediately and gasped as he started to sing the first verse, “Forever could never be long enough for me, to feel like i’ve had long enough with you. Forget the world now that we won’t let them see, but there’s one thing left to do

“Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way,” There was a pause and some more chords before a smile and some tears broke out onto his face, “Marry me. Today and everyday, Marry me. If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe. Say you will.. Mmhh. Say you will.”

The rest of the song continued as my hands attached to my face, my fingertips catching the tears that fell out of my eyes. it’s all so sudden and so sweet. he executed the song perfectly, his words falling deeply into my heart as he couldn’t help but stare into my eyes for the entire song. everything about this moment is absolutely perfect.

As the song ended, a loud sob left my lips as daniel took the guitar off of his chest, stood it up on the stand beside him and stared deeply into my eyes. His eyes sparkled as his hands fell into mine and his voice shook out the words, “You are the most important person in the world to me. You are the sweetest, funniest, and kindest person I know. You give me the biggest smile everyday and I want my life to be that way forever.”

I let out a cry as he took a small velvet box from his pocket and bent down to one knee in front of me, “Y/F/N, will you marry me?”

No words came out as I nodded my head, holding my hand out for him to slip the gorgeous engagement ring onto it. He stood up and i jumped into his arms, letting him spin me round a couple times while i held onto him tighter than ever before.

As he set me down, I heard claps and i jumped, thinking that we were alone. Daniel held me in his arms, his arms around my waist as i looked out at the audience and the light flickered on. I gasped as i looked to see lots of people, people that i recognized.

There were the boys, and then both of our families. I could see some of my friends from both home and here. There were people Daniel knew and some of management and I turned around, looking at Daniel in awe.

My eyes glanced towards movement in the first row and I watched as Jonah cupped his mouth, “CONGRATS GUYS!”

I couldn’t help but playfully glare and mouth the words thank you to him as the rest of the people started to follow what he had said, shouting it and making the room much louder than it had been when we arrived.

“I know it was a little bit later than i expected,” Daniel tells me, “But we ran into some issues and some flights landed a little late so i had to go pick everyone up and bring them here and i didn’t want to do it without everyone here.”

“This is so sweet, Daniel,” I tell him, “i’m sorry i ever doubted you.”

“I’d never cheat, love. I know what it looked like, but I promise you that I just wanted to give you the world and this was the way I could do it,” He tells me, kissing my forehead as I wrap my arms around him again.

what had started out as night of worry and anxiety about the whereabouts of my boyfriend had ended with my fiance and i in a gorgeous theater with people who loved us. how is that for an unexpected ending?

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hinagamoizaf · 6 years

Text

Chapter VIII : Bargaining a Horizon’s Worth of Compassion

The layers grow when I wish could, I drown in my own mind,

Pure darkness is as clear as eyes when looked from one’s own behind. (15)

All the knowledge that must be done doesn’t sit with a will to burn,

Ashes revealed corpses in frozen ruins, this was my turn to learn? (16)

Silence is my illusion for those that still spark my heart with armoured art,

Veils of isolation bathe me more than holy water as damned to part. (18)

-21:12 5/8/17

[From Fik’s Perspective. 3rd August 2012, Friday] There’s voices surrounding me. Figures dancing before me. But nothing remains in focus. Nothing stays. “...it’s been a couple of days…,” a boy with a serious tone says with concern. “...it’s backlash for all the excessive magic she’s been doing…,” a firm yet noticeably shaking voice says. “...I think we should bring her back to Kyoto...at least,” a hesitant one adds. “...no, there’s only so much of summer we have left. I think it’s best we keep her off the frontlines. That way, her magical energy and adapting body will be in sync,” a female voice decides.

I feel something damp being placed across my forehead. Feeling as if I’m a newborn creature, my eyes gradually meet a familiar face. “Hey,” Abang starts fiddling with where I’m staying. Making sure I’m comfortable and it’s an appropriate place given my health. “...hi there,” I try propping myself up, only to grunt. He takes me by the shoulders and offers himself as back support. I murmur a thank you and gather my thoughts together. “Elo actually wanted to use her Silvery Liquid on you.” “Like...for when all the times you’ve been injured?” he nods. “But Ott wanted you to have a more natural recovery. Like how it happened when he and I had our coming of age illness,” he sighs and forces a chuckle, “Been trying to tell him everyone’s different and this kind of thing is a case by case basis.”

I play with my toes and bite the lower lip , “I’m sorry for all of this.” I mean that with the utmost sincerity and remorse. But it comes out no louder than a whisper. Abang coughs and starts patting my hair. “Beating yourself up isn’t going to help anyone now, is it?” never once has he sounded condescending or harsh. He’s just my older brother. He’s only comforted me as an older brother. I could have never asked for a better one. “But..,” I shift in my place a little , “I’m supposed to help out with the family. I’ve already thir-teen,” he starts to play with my hair while giving an assuring grip. “And I’m supposed to look after YOU,” Abang rests his chin against the crown of my head. His heartbeat once rapid now slows down. As if all the shouting and sights from the others doesn’t matter. As if we don’t belong here and are actually existing in another realm of our own. “You don’t have to be a rush in growing up. I know things haven’t been ideal for us since 2009. But, Adik, you just kept doing your part. Any slip ups, Ott and I will be there to teach you.”

I’m on the verge of accepting what’s my distraction and coping mechanisms. To begin with, I spiral down this rabbit hole where I damn myself to stay there because I perceive my own living as a punishment. To be the centre of focus and attention of other’s eyes terrify me; there’s no way I do it as a means of guilt tripping. I wept for three straight days when he left me, I became exposed to the slightest touch and raw at anything he has caressed in our time together. Away from the living would I punish myself.

Punish for the misery I felt or the fury I’ve harvested. I inflicted pain onto myself as a means of any plausible control; I harm myself to gain authority.

Everything I did or didn’t do still screamed his name. Screaming it as I had loved him: enduring the pain when all my heart felt was compassion as endless as the horizon. I kept myself busy and discovered tricks to recraft my days. When in reality, I needed a balance of indulging with positivity while visiting negativity for a proper recovery. Guess what? Nothing’s ever balanced in life, ever. We’re slates of gray matter, monochrome minds that’s never as pure as snow nor as corrupted as sin. It was necessary to be off into a trance of dwelling as it was to keep my fingers moving with poetry. His farewell carved a void while filling in fresh palettes.

“Listen,” Abang helps me get on my feet as he brings us closer to the group , “We’re going to be moving out soon. Between you and I, Ott is trying is damn hardest to stay chill. But I know he’ll insist on carrying you.”

The others take notice of us and start coming our way. I take a deep breath and whisper something only I can hear. To somewhat help get my mind off things. So I don’t erupt.

“I sing praise to when I was taught how the skylarks sing before he went to go. God gives us a piece of paradise when the universe is screaming in agony, when we have sinned and dwell in inferno. He gives us a glance of what we would be rewarded for, then takes it back along with his other beautiful creations. My fostered star was so much more than mere grace and beauty, he was the bargain God gave to leave me. If you’re keeping count, this was my third stage of grief. I was gardening an already withering rose, my attempts to restart the relationship were that a futile. The seed that was crushed before it could be grow, I thought I learnt of all my mistakes and was ready to arrive at his trail ; that I was finally good enough for him. Truth is, we’re bound to repeat the mistakes and invoke more; causing that same seed to be allowed to nurture itself under the reign of his inspiring sun. I made further risks and negotiations with myself, worthless plans that I’d present to him and prove we can stay: I can change. As I did invent ways to improve myself, I’m sure his gentle heart and sky-touched eyes would have told me to do it for myself- never for him nor others. That if he had even responded during this stage at bargaining, that would have been a bargain in itself. The slightest feather of his existence would spark a weight that would shoot me all over again, I knew that from the start, he decided to remain silent and keep that to heart. Keep it as I’ve kept him in mine.” Shiori-senpai raises an eyebrow. I guess I wasn’t quiet enough.

(Half and hour later) Otti-nii carries me cautiously on his back. His grip is oddly loose, it’s as if I’m a china doll. A fragile one in fact, that could break into a million pieces. I wish something would break me. There’s the sound of breaking branches and growls. I gingerly look around, but nothing out of the ordinary appears.

Then as if I spoke (or thought, I guess) too soon, another batch of homunculi emerge from the shadows. These ones present themselves with either feathery wings or reptilian-like horns. In tune with her reflectives, Kakak Ib sprouts her faery wings while drawing her rapier. Instinctively, Shiori-senpai rips apart a nearby stump and strategically starts throwing pieces as if they’re javelins. Jounetsu-san is clearly alarmed, but he looks as if he’s about to pull something from his sleeve.

Ott-nii trembles and tighten his grip around my legs. I attempt to pat his shoulders, “Ott-nii, it’s okay. Just put me down, we need to fight as a unit,” even my voice is unconvincing. “...se-sta...stay...se-se-se...STAY BACK!” with a clutch that almost cuts off my blood circulation, Ott-nii’s voice is akin to a lion’s roaring. In a heartbeat, these winged or horned homunculi stop on command. With only a few either growling at Shiori-senpai and Jounetsu-san. While a stubborn one continuously tries to claw at Kakak Ib. “Woah, did-they-just-obey-you?!” Jounetsu-san vocalises what we’re all thinking. Ott-nii takes a gulp, with Abang right at our heels. He taps our older brother’s arm and points to me. Hesitantly, Ott-nii slides me down as I catch my balance. He takes a deep breath and attempts to raise his arms.

“...ke-kee...keep...KEEP YOUR DISTANCE,” he continues to bark out orders with a nearly cracked voice.To our luck, some of them do. While the others are only infuriated and (or at least what looks like) crack their knuckles. These homunculi are a tad closer to be human than the previous incarnations. “Ott,” Abang begins with a gentle and clean tone, “They can tell you’re nervous. Easen up.” “We still don’t know what they’re capable of,” I add. I turn my gaze ever so slightly, a homunculi as obedient as a dog catches my eye. I grab Abang’s sleeve and he notices it too. Turning his attention to Kakak Ib, as they too maintain an almost psychic link, she storms in and taps her rapier ever so slightly on the creature. Her weapons carries this mysterious aura. Abang rushes to it and clutches his hand around the rapier.

He’s inhaling deeply and ever so slightly changes the position of his hands. I know both he and our cousin as trying to be cautious, but blood’s still oozing out. Striking my eyes as clear as day, I’m getting a little nauseous.As if it’s been a millenium, he releases an exasperated gasp and almost loses his balance too. I turn to Ott-nii, he’s lost his anxiety and has a raise eyebrow. “You can use your Time-Travel magic by holding onto extracts? You don’t even need to go there?” it sounds like a question, but it sounds more like an accusation with his harsh tone. “I mean, for all we know, he could have paused time and to us : it looks like he’s constipated,” I add my sentence. Abang shoots both of us glaring looks. “Hardy har-har. I’m SO happy to know my help is much appreciated,” he begins sarcastically, “I had a look in their past. Yes, they were made by the rival families. Well, um, I couldn’t exactly see which one. See their little horns?” I’m getting nervous and that’s not just the nausea speaking. Sure, they’re slightly obedient now. Jounetsu-san’s comically whacking one in the head. But this is taking too long. Well, it’s not like I can say anything either. I’m not the one who helped in any way.

“That’s not just for show. They’re obeying-well specifically Ott-’cause-” Even though Ott-nii looks like he’s about to maul our brother, we’ve got bigger problems.

The day this all began nearly three months ago. The gothic girl with the familiar features enters the scene ever so gracefully. It’s as if she belongs in this world. A natural, perfect piece. This world of homunculi, chaos and past sins. I hear shuffling feet and whispers behind me. Whipping my head around, Shiori-senpai and Jounetsu-san are in shock. They look like they’ve seen a ghost (okay, yes I’ve realised the irony of this). More so, Jounetsu-san is paler than the one zombie I’ve met. While Shiori-senpai looks as if he’s trying to put the pieces of a misfit puzzle together.

With the sweetest voice that could lull me to sleep, the gothic girl giggles , “Why did you all stop this war?”

Instantaneously, every homunculi attacks each of us on all fronts. Ott-nii’s clearly trying to escape. But everytime he teleports elsewhere, another group of homunculi tackle him to the ground. Kakak Ib’s had her rapier snatched out of her hand. While another duo of homunculi are scratching her wings. Shiori-senpai’s full one torn limb from limb. If anything, the homunculi are more confused.

I have to help.

I need to play my part.

I can’t pretend someone’s going to rescue me.

I feel somewhat numb from my entire body turning into a- “FIK!” with every ounce of his body, Ott-nii is trying his damn hardest to teleport himself closer to me, “STOP. DON’T MOVE. DON’T DO ANYTHING!” “OTT!” Abang shouts on the top of his lungs, with a flamethrower in hand. I guess he could stop time long enough to grab a weapon. But not enough for all of this, to get past the forces of the gothic girl, “Stop sheltering her! You can’t always control this family.”

The very ground below us trembles, gradually breaking up. Day turns into night as beams of light shoot up from the cracks. The mysterious girl giggles as the winged homunculi carry its horned companions. I hear a grunt behind me and a tempest being forged. Shiori-senpai catches my fall as he brings my hands together. “Can you make something?” he whispers into my ear. I blink a few times to try register what’s going on. Abang is sitting crossed legged on the ground, his eyes firmly shut. Kakak Ib is circling around him, now with her rapier back in hand. I nod and attempt to focus all of my concentration on this next move.

Little chains are erupted from my fingers, shackling the nearest homunculi in sight. From the corner of my eye, multiple wings slightly move as Abang brings out a dangerous cough. I pick up my pace by crafting an ice claw that traps at least ten of the homunculi, with Shiori-senpai still helping me maintain my stance. A figure swoops to us and I almost panic. That’s before I realise Kakak Ib is manually gathering a few more homunculi within our peripheral view.

I hear my brother begin to violently cough once more as my senior rushes to his side. I stand my ground and take deeper breaths. I feel somewhat numb from my entire body turning into as well as being clad in invisible ice. Only two of my internal organs still remain normal. There’s a small breeze coming from my left and right. It should be done now.

An oddly familiar bird-like creature of ice screeches once it escapes my hands. It’s the size of a vulture and conveniently knows why I created it. Bit by bit (and through alarming sights of the homunculi flailing about), my bird personally picks up the remaining creatures and drops them into an ice box I’ve just conjured. Through more missed blinks, everyone starts moving and are clearly alarmed by the change in scenery.

Without a moment’s hesitation, my cousin impales her rapier into as many homunculi as she can (it’s starting to look like a shish kebab). Ott-nii’s throwing screams and Lady Luck must me smiling on us, because a few of the homunculi voluntarily attack each other to their literal deaths. Without much notice, my senior enters the ring too and throws himself in the disemboweling fiasco. My ice creations begin to crack as steam escapes. I whip my head around for any signs of the mysterious girl.

As if we could forget, the entire ground cracks open. We’re falling into a literal earthquake.

(A passage to time passes) “There’s something therapeutic about revisiting poetry in the dead of the night. My secret garden, or the devil’s hour for another: you can’t deny, it’s a gateway into a realm that exists beyond ours. Perhaps, that’s why it’s the same time I shed tears after the sun has dried up and I scream before the rooster calls. It’s my visit for insanity, a chance to dwell on dreams and nightmares that otherwise would be labelled a ‘damned curse’ under normal circumstances. Fortunately, fate didn’t make me a ‘normal’ child. I can goodbye to the trauma while allowing the memories to caress me to sleep. I’m allowed to rethink and prepare myself for the next adolescent chapter that lurks just beyond this creek. I am able to wander in depth with my soul’s rationed passions. I love making my visits to the realm of poetry before the skeletons have any hopes of rising, ” Kakak Ib just gave us a Shakespearean speech. Ott-nii shoots a glare at her, “I said sing-NOT MONOLOGUE.” “You’re pretty uncultured,” she bites back with a wink at me. “Is it Fez’s and your life goal to just make fun of me?” “I am older than you though. So you can’t bicker about that.” “Like hell you act like it though.” “I’m just trying to lighten the mood. You told me to sing.” “ASKED.” “I don’t see you pulling out a boombox.”

I start getting up and opening my eyes wider. We did fall, and that wasn’t entirely an earthquake. If it was, we would have reached the core of this realm and died. We did not. Unless this is some sort of purgatory and stuck until the end of time with each other. In the distance, my brother’s holding a conversation with the boys.

“That shooting star came and went, but my wish stayed. I held onto it the way I’m been holding onto her. Truth is, I’m petrified out of my mind to let her grow up. It’s not that her heart is flooded passion that she drowns in it, it’s not because her soul is so ignited she burns herself out. I’m afraid of those things too; but what scares me the most is how she doesn’t know that. I still watch her leave the house every bleeding moment and already a thousand ravens crown her as their queen. I kid myself and say she’s best friends with the Grim Reaper, at least then she’s on her way to solace. The world’s already full of daylight nightmares and sinners dressed in human skin; and you expect her to age before she’s learnt of hope? The stars dance in her eyes, spring blossoms from her sparse laughter; she’s grown into a waxing crescent of wisdom rivalled by epic ballads. She exists between the lines, underneath the canvas, through the lyrics : my sister is living art with all of the heart and soul still existing, forever growing.”

I was never the same after he parted ways with me. As I was a different person before and during him-I died and was reborn another after him. I could never love the same or at least bring myself to be able to. My father had already whipped me with deceit and trust issues-any matters of the heart came across as pessimistic and a waste of life. The fear would always catch me by the throat, I’d learn to fall for a monster or God forbid I’d become the worst beast as bred by my blood. With my fostered star came a whole new universe of pain and fear. What did others make of me? I was no fool to not realise loving him meant death faster than suicide. Was this another form of harm to gain control? Was I losing my mind to obsess for one that’ll leave me without chances?

For the sake of my convenience, my brother and the older man walk elsewhere. Leaving my senior alone as I approach him.

“You’re not like the rest of them,” I bring into the conversation. “Pardon?” Shiori-senpai asks not because he didn’t hear, but because this is a whole other rock we’re turning over. “In no way is this supposed to be cliche, but you’re nothing like the rest.” “Alright..is that a good thing? Or bad?” “I’ve noticed something about you.” “What’d you notice?” “Whenever I talk about family matters, more specifically now with me retelling my relationship...you just pay attention and remain silent. Is this because you’re thinking from experience?” “Yeah. Also because I don’t think I can pass judgement on a situation like that. It’s a personal thing that I haven’t experience and it’s probably more helpful if I listen and am grateful you were open about it.” “You don’t say anything or make comments, when most people offer their own opinion. Sure, I brought it to myself to talk about it and their reaction is expected; but it somewhat bothers me how they display their disgust. But you..you don’t.” “Like I said, the least I could do is be respectful about your personal life.” “You’re the first to have ever done that.” “There’s a first for everything, happy to hear that I am.” “Me too...more so grateful,” I whisper the last part.

“That was an impressive bit you did earlier,” I praise him , “When you had my cousin, brother and I working together during the homunculi attack.” His entire face lights up and he begins calculations with her fingers, “We could do it again.” “I rather not have a spontaneous homunculi attack,” I start shifting in my place , “And whoever that girl was.” “I can strategise another combination of powers. This time the three of us : you, I-” “-and the mighty help of Mr.Please-don’t-continue-your-sente-” “-Ouroboros!” “WHAT?!” Jounetsu-san storms in on us, nostrils flared and eyes bloodshot. Shiori-senpai makes a clicking sound with his tongue and points his index finger , “I’ve got a job for us.” “You’re a horrible, horrible, HO-RRI-BLE, boy.”

“We’ve still got to rally up the last of those homunculi,” Shiori-senpai immediately sprint off, Jounetsu-san and I cluelessly following behind his speed. “You don’t have to do all this,” I say meekly while panting. “Hmm, do what?” “All...of ‘this’. Helping out with the homunculi and whatnot. I know ultimately you’re trying to get into my good books. Then eventually making me change my mind about adding Jounetsu-san to our Oddity hunting group.” “Well, you and your family don’t exactly have a clear-cut plan on getting rid of these homunculi.” “Well, it’s not that we’re going at this empty handed either.” “It’s kinda just like our mission with the Oddities,” he stops in his tracks and crouches. I follow his lead and spot the remaining homunculi in sight , “We go after what we can find and clean up our messes.” Jounetsu-san grunts behind us , “Why don’t you just admit ya wanna help out the bo….-girl?”

With the right amount of timing, a homunculus launches itself on Jounetsu-san. I’m starting to feel bad for him, but in between his swearing and wrestling, Shiori-senpai is muffling his explosion of laughter. The two of them stop moving completely, with our company falling limply and the creature turning its head right towards us. Oddly enough, Shiori-senpai stretches his arm over me, as if shielding me. Much to our surprise again, the homunculus takes Jounetsu-san’s hand. Waving his hand then pointing it to itself.

Shiori-senpai retracts his arm, placing a finger beneath his chin , “You want to play a game of ‘Simon Says’?”

I get it now. I might have a chance of having these homunculi obey me. I turn to Jounetsu-san (well technically the homunculus he’s possessing) and he’s already starting to move towards the others. He has a tight grip on one of them, it’s clearly confused. I scurry about , wondering what’s the best way to give out my command. I settle with using some rocks as my platform. Before I’ve finished setting myself up, he’s already throwing punches until the homunculus is literally out of breath. The rest remain confused, I should get this over with. “What are you waiting for? Follow him-er...it, follow that homunculus,” with the loudest voice I could muster, another chance has been bestowed upon us. The impact’s minimal, but it’s still doing something. I’ll play my ancestors at their own game. I’ll take this up a notch. Following on the last and only time I did this, I extract all the adrenaline that’s been stirring up in me. A cross between a horned and winged homunculus is brought to life by my own hands.

My vision isn’t as clear as it was a second ago. My head isn’t as light as when we first started this fight. Shiori-senpai gingerly catches my shoulders before I fall as the ice homunculus makes its way to Jounetsu-san (who’s still possessing that one homunculus). It immediately goes limp and faces a hit from my creation. Shiori-senpai gently lowers me to the ground with the rocks supporting my back. “Can you do one last thing and turn that into a sword?” I slowly nod to answer him. Taking deep breaths and visualising my next move, a stream of ice strikes itself at my crafted homunculus. As much time as it takes Shiori-senpai to claim the weapon, Jounetsu-san’s actually ghost escapes and soars back to his body. My senior’s left to finish off the homunculi. His swordsmanship familiar and the way he almost dances around the battlefield. “Just how much repression, suppression and distraction am I doing until my final days? How much... as I to pretend these emotions don’t exist? That the burning turmoils...that they- are they the ones keeping me up and polluting my incapable, clouded mind? If I were to dwell, that’d be a catalyst of contaminated ‘rest’ and there’d be no end to my self-destructive cycle of questions. I was...happy?-With this sudden snow of happiness,” I whip my head around to see who’s talking. It’s Jounetsu-san as he’s clawing at his face.

My vision takes me further as I catch Ott-nii and Kakak Ib witnessing from afar. They’re holding a conversation but I can’t catch wind of it. As they slightly move closer, I can make out a few sentences.

“My loyalty to your brother flows deeper than the blood in our bodies and older than the ink on parchment. My duty to my men runs faster than the wind and soars higher than the sky. Neither of which define me whole, they compile to become a much broader mountain of my identity. If Cupid were to strike me, then he would waste a potential arrow on a maiden whose love rests on fluttering wings. My desires and devotion aren’t governed by the heart, but are they ever full of that matter and allow themselves to be nurtured by such wondrous things. I could be graced with a thousand lifetimes and have been blessed with winning treacherous wars; none could ever amount to the heartbeat I’ve experienced in this one. ”

Seriously, what are they talking about? I mean, I get it’s serious and probably some adult topics going around.

“Everything that I have worked for and will commit myself to does not limit itself to the title of a ‘soldier’ or ‘bride’: the version of me you witness today came to be by an array of circumstances. ”

Oh, Kakak Ib’s still going on. “It was when the world gave me its weight that I was torn between purpose and ambition, every inch of my being was challenging and contradicting itself. Then a heart no bigger than a child’s fist offered me choice : gave me a chance of freedom and existing as my own as everyone else had already designated their roles onto me. For that one heartbeat, identity wasn’t what consumed me; and for that one heart, your brother became the world to me.”

I focus back on Jounetsu-san, he’s still just there and in a daze. I can wholeheartedly relate to that.

“I’d hate to think of him as anything else but someone I’ve loved. Don’t you find it strange that the dead of the night has you crippled; yet, once you take the time to talk to the moon and stars : you’ve run into solace? That’s what I means for me when I’m by his side. Then morning comes and you wait; you keep walking and wondering for the next time you’d relive that bewitching hour. This is how I can face a thousand enemies on a battlefield without breaking my spirit. There’s courage in loving someone when you know the Devil’s breathing down your neck, when you feel you’re dangling your slippery feet right above Hell.”

I look back on the homunculi massacre. Shiori-senpai’s still going at with, without breaking a sweat, without the ice sword losing its form. That’s right. Our ancestors started did. Our ancestors made a mess of it all. We’re cleaning up after them : it’s as much as my duty as their blood runs within mine. I catch the closing lines of her speech.

“I doubt I’d ever be a happy person given who I am. But if the Sun and Moon can make me smile or help me find a home; I think Happiness has found me and is paying a visit.”

I hear a crash in the distance. The three of us immediately rush towards it. Guess there was a just a few more critters to take care of.

“...Marshall Connor Vincent…,” Shiori-senpai and Jounetsu-san are dumbstruck. I’m shivering like a deer in headlights. While still grieving for my love, recalled there was that recent death. Even though he was a clone : that makes no difference to me. It shouldn’t make a difference.

No. Stop it. These are mind games. It’s having a go at my psyche. “...it’s all your fault…” “...how can you afford to be happy when guilt doesn’t rest on you?...you are such a sinful, selfish girl…” “...a chance to rest? To finally escape?...this is your life, your eternity is this dread and burden…” You can’t know what you’ve never experienced. You can’t know what you’ve never experienced. You can’t know what you’ve never experienced.

“...just think about it...in the one life you have, so had him lose his-you really are worthless…” “...all people ever get into when they know you?...all they ever get into is trouble-they are in pain...after knowing you, from spending time with you...you’re naively jeopardising their lives…” “...you either make ‘em suffer or kill ‘em...congratulations, you succeeded in both-truly, truly, truly...killing two birds with one stone…” “...your greatest accomplishment and grandest disappointment if taking the life of a by who was only trying to help...I’m sure he had his fair share of misery...then you just had to impose yourself and ruin it all…” “...you know from experience emotions only breed pain...so much, so much time and effort wasted on your emotions-then you had to tarnish others’- you just stupidly had to rein over his ruthlessly…” This isn’t happening. This can’t be true. None of this is real. Please-helpme. “...you are his death and bane of very existence...he was hardly that happy to begin with-then you soiled it all...you are the storm, the fire-the murderer...just ruining everything you’ve ever felt for...simply demolishing their existence and sanity...so isn’t it fair that you’re being punished now? ...true, pure blood karma- aren’t you the one better off dead?...” “...what’s even worse, he-never-cared…. He had to waste so much with you...everything was wasted on you….you had to waste it all…,” “...murderer...murderer...murderer…,” “...your life killed his...you’re the most inconsiderate human being if you even dare live on and beyond...if you even take the risk of being happy-will you ruin another life?...was his not enough?...how hollow are you to continue all of this?...” Stop going at it. Stopgoing atit. Stopgoingaitit. Please, please-PLEASE.

“...why are you the one to decide what’s best for your well being?...why must you be so cruel to others for your own benefit….that Vincent boy would alive now, growing up to become a fulfilled man….if it weren’t all for your wicked actions….” “...you can’t even fathom his injuries and bruises….what he may share only lives surface thin...his grave should be what prey on your sleep...calling you for those moments you’re remotely experiencing joy….you’re a sick killer, have you no heart to consider what could have been for him?...” homunculus and homunculi for previous sentences

“Doesn’t her raw remorse speak for itself? The only inhuman creation here is the one that can’t bleeding see how she was being just that: human.Don’t you go dare apologising for a heart that was only loving. It may not have been the preferred season or healthy moon cycle. But by God, if you’re only validating yourself by how much you’ve think you’ve ruined-I implore you, please begin valuing yourself by how much you have created. ”

A voice. A voice I can recognise. Shiori-senpai’s voice. “You could list me out all of the circumstances and conditions: but I know for a fact- the vast majority of humans are nice and wouldn’t want to hurt another one in that sort of way in the slightest. Anyone who was remotely alive , even a zombie like me- I can swear by my grave that they would only wish for the best for someone that could love that wholesomely when they couldn’t even care for themselves.That someone is you, while I can’t speak for your fostered star-I do know for another fact that they would never want you to be damned either. Or at least, live out your days by doing one of the most dishonest things you could ever do to yourself: repeatedly killing your self-worth with perceived mistakes.” He’s looking at me. His large, pastel blue eyes are on mine. I have eyes...I can see a different reality from the one I’ve always perceived. “I could already feel the sheer amount of passion you still have by the stories you’ve recalled. I could see as clear as daylight through your eyes, that when you speak of them- you spoke with only a tongue of truth and words of care. I don’t even need to be the receiving end of that one- I surely know for a positive fact that you were only human. Please, don’t ever antagonise yourself for being just that. ”

Shiori-senpai rushes forward, lunging at the first homunculus that starting this psychological mindfield.Jounetsu-san’s body collapses and his ghost enters a homunculus, purposely tearing itself apart. The last homunculus remains and it’s shivering. Just before he makes a run for it, I shoot an ice javelin in this direction. The last we’ll ever see it move. I’m quivering. My lips are trembling. My knees can’t hold me up.

“...I don’t want to be forgiven for the pain I’ve caused-but even if I were to redeem, that still wouldn’t amount to how much of their lives I’ve wasted. I’ll forever reside in the wrong, whatever I do, no matter of the circumstances or crucial timing- it’ll only forge misery. Of all of the things that could have been given life, I should have never been one of them.” My heart beats faster. I’m breaking into sweats. My fingertips are numb “It was never right for me to feel, it was never justified for me to be pleading for help-all that I deserve and should have remained within was an infinite cycle of despair. Every waking and restless moment of my remaining life should very well be clad in torment, as it always should have been.” Shiori-senpai finishes his job and looks at me. His eyebrows furrowed, but this eyes remain gentle. “It matters not if I had already suffered in silence or tried to do what’s best by conveying the truth-if the end result is that people’s lives are ruined, the ones I so declare I love- it’s not ‘perhaps’, but always best that I stay within my melancholic line.” Jounetsu-san, now back in his body, tries to approach me. But my senior stops his movement. “Any contact or sign of compassion? That should be forbidden from me, anyone who comes close to talking with or seeing me- they don’t deserve my damned presence. There’s so much more, so much bloody more that can be achieved in their precious life than spent on me.” He sits crossed-legged right in front of me. His pinky finger locking with mine. He pulls me closer for a hug. Letting me finish what I have to convey first. “Everything and anyone I touch during as well as after our encounters-I have cursed them to the point I call myself Satan, but even that name itself is a better being than I’ll ever be.My life was never meant to be filled with love nor actually love- I don’t deserve any of that. I don’t deserve to be alive if all I do is ruin lives.”

“You didn’t ruin anyone’s life.Don’t be hard on yourself.It gets you nowhere.Gotta stop thinking about this perspective and focus on yours,” he pulls me apart so that we can hold eye contact. He’s doing this, in order for our souls to have a conversation. “Hey, you didn’t mess anything up. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be no matter how much effort you put into it. I know it’s unfair and you may feel mistreated, but think of all the opportunities you’ll have later. If this is how you’ll love the wrong one, the right one will drown in your love. I mean that in the best way possible.”

Even when I’m unconscious, I’m still looking for you-calling for a named soul that’ll never respond.

This separation has me perched on desperation, my dreams tell of no lie when it’s your absence that I wish will fly.

I was unaware that I still speak of you in my sleep, while my mind is fluid with sights I’d never imagine for my body to run the frights.

I can miss, yearn & change for a thousand years-yet,we all know;it’s best that you’re never near.

When the previous moons have taught me to endure the pain, this grief is no game-however, it must be maintained otherwise all will fall lame.

We’ve met before at night under a million starlights, now I return alone and prepare my wuthered heart for the bittersweet bites.

-4:28 10/8/17

#Ren'ai #Oddity #Hinaga Moizaf #Stages of Grief #5 Stages of Grief #Poets on Tumblr #Poets on Love #Sketch #Ilustration

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