#or trying to hurt or be cruel to people

[professorsta]

Sometimes when I’m scared or the world feels a little too big and me too small I go back to Watcher and feel safe because it’s filled with people trying their hardest to make life a little less terrible and abusive. Never take for granted what it feels like to be with kind people because one day you may not and you’ll never feel more alone

#watcher #Shane madej #Ryan bergara #Steven lim #idk sometimes when you’re Trans #you never really know who’s on your side #who’s just saying they are #and who’s Really not #until it’s sometimes too late #and to have watcher #where I know no one is ever relishing #or trying to hurt or be cruel to people #fuck it’s like i can breathe knowing no ones gonna make fun of me or people like me #puppet history #like weird and or wonderful! #a show literally about how weird things can also be wonderful #I love them all #Kate Leblanc #even tho she doesn’t def has never come on here lol #but thanks for helping our boys !! #and Britney (Brittany ?idk I’m writing literally right before bed so I’ll include both) #selorm #Ricky #Carter #TJ #fuck there’s so many more people at watcher but THANKS TO YOU ALL #Sara rubin #ghost files #dish granted

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

#polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #bridgerton #sorry y'all i just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out like they invented love what am i meant to do witH THAT INFORMATION!? #they just care about each other so much and so deeply #and they see the best in each other #penelope was hurt but she never HATED him #penelope was hurt and when she said 'i never thought you of all people could be so cruel' she also knew. . .he isn't #he isn't cruel #he's a young man trying his best in the world and he wanted to fit in and that made him say something hurtful about her #but he has a history of uplifting her #and he continues to do so #not one bad word about penelope all this season #'you are penelope featherington. . .never forget that' (you deserve the world) (you are amazing) #colin bridgerton said 'i love you' over and over this season and in the seasons before but we didn't hear it because we thought #it was only professed in one language #'you really are very good you know that?' 'you only wanted to keep me from heartache' 'what could possibly measure up to all that?' #'that you would never forsake me' 'you are pen. . .you are my friend. . .you do not count' (i could never give you up) #'i will always look after you penelope' #they are friends to lovers but there is love in that friendship #a deep beautiful love they have with each other #and sorry i'm ugly crying but i just adore them

[findafight]

Me, lying face down on the carpet: I don't know how many times I have to explain that people love characters like Steve Harrington and Zuko, is that they have done things that are bad. They have said things that are bad. Possibly reprehensible. Possibly violent.

But then. And this is THE fundamental aspect of them that you must understand, they realized they were wrong. They realized that what they did and who they were were not things they were proud of. Were not things they liked doing or wanted to continue doing. Were things that hurt people. They realized that they didn't want to be that person anymore.

And then they changed. They went and tried to apologize to those they wronged. They worked to fix what they had done or helped do. They made strides to be different from what they once were.

Zuko stood up to his father, he apologized to the Gang, admitted to them he and his people were wrong, and taught Aang Fire bending. He changed and he helped and he apologized.

Steve helped clean up graffiti, he went to Jonathan's house to apologize for the terrible things he said and their fight(and got dragged into monster fighting and saved Jonathan and Nancy's lives), he replaced the camera he broke.

They owned up to their mistakes and apologized and did their best to remedy them. The apology and the changed behaviour make these characters likeable. They have flaws that have glared but they have accepted those things, tried to do better than them.

I need you to understand that there are characters out there that do the same things but never apologize. When you question why someone likes character a but not character b, when character a has also done bad things, I need you to think about whether or not that character has apologized and since changed that behaviour and thus been sincere in their apology. That is why. No excuse or justification. Did the character apologize and change? Did the other not? There you go.

Me, sitting up with the imprint of the carpet on my face: Woah haha where'd that come from?

#steve harrington #zuko #atla #stranger things #meta #redemption #finda's rambles #listen im not trying to actually compare them im just saying people always question why the love for them #and its like ?? they changed?? #frustrated when ppl act as though other charscters who also did bad but never changed are more deserving of love because #because canon gives them abuse but it never has them apologize for the abusing they do #like realizing you are perpetuating the cycle of abuse and ending it and trying apologize or mend things is powerful #but do not act like your blorbo did that when they never did. they were abused. that is sad. they did terrible things. that is bad. #they never tried to change away from foing horrible things. that is also bad #just because!! a charscter is abused!! does not mean they are not culpable for their shitty actions!!! #zuko was abused and he did shitty things!! the fact he was abused isnt the reason he was redeemed #he was redeemed because he worked for it. he broke out of the mindset that caused him to be violent and cruel #he apologized directly to those he hurt most directly. and he changed #azula didnt do that!! yes she was abused and deserves compassion but she was also murderous and would have killed her brother! #she had not decided to break the cycle!! #Billy was abused. and then he abused his sister. he was violent. #he would have attacked and potentially killed a thirteen year old black boy for being friends with his sister. #at no point does he realize those actions are unacceptable. at no point does he apologize. at no point does he change #just because he was abused and abandoned does not mean he was not responsible.

[inaflashimagine]

does she have a violent heart or is she a teenager who was born and grew up in a bitterly cruel world? does she have a violent heart or is she constantly surrounded by violence and raised by people who often used violence as a means to survive, raised by a father-like figure who struggled how to properly grieve and taught her to just move on instead of fully processing that already by the age of 14 she's seen way too much shit no one should have to see in their entire lives?

#absolutely fantastic episode but #enough craig with leaning into ellie being a sociopath lmfao #she has a violent heart no she's just living in a horribly cruel world #i understand you're trying to set up tlou ii esp for those who don't play the game but #what makes tlou ii hurt is how ellie #though a little cocky is a silly #good person who fears losing those she loves #and when she does she can only see vengeance showing how people can go for extreme measures for love #SHES NOT CRAZY but ig i am for going on this rant ugh lol #but great ep 8 lol a few complaints but still love it and david was so fing creepier in show #tlou #tlou ii spoilers #tlou tii #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo

[cat-mentality]

Love doomed Team Soulfire.

Because they all love so very deeply don't they? They love their children, they love their friends, they love their homes, they love the little peace they have found in the Island.

They love so deeply that they just want to go home.

But love can be a curse.

Love can lead to nothing but pain and disaster when that love blinds you.

The Entity says that their children's lives are at stake, that they must win if they ever want to see them again, that there is a cursed team and they cannot lose, that their lose is death to their children. And Team Blue cannot risk it, they cannot allow themselves to let their children be put at risk in case they are the cursed them.

For love, they would do anything.

And that was exactly what they did. When other's are getting their resources, when they are thinking about what to do, how to proceed, Team Soulfire already knew, they knew they would do anything for their children, they would kill and they would die.

Surely everyone else was on the same page wasn't them? Their deaths meant nothing as long as their children could be saved.

Love blinded Team Soulfire.

Love blinded them to the pain they inflicted on others. Made them unable to realize exactly what they are doing the moment they spilled first blood, because that? That was the moment Purgatory began.

Not when they landed on the desolate Island, not when they were separeted on teams, not when their children's lives were considered a prize in a twisted game.

That first death? That started Purgaroty. Because what Team Blue didn't realize was that not everyone else was blinded by love as much as they were, that for others killing wasn't their first goal, that for a brief moment people thought they could fight against the system, that they could try in other ways.

But after that? Oh no, there was no turning back from that.

They didn't realize that when you kill someone over and over and over and over again, without mercy, without pause, without thinking about the sort of pain you are inflicting on them, it doesn't matter why you are doing it. They wouldn't look at you and see a friend, they wouldn't see a person who just wants to go home, who just wants to end this hell.

They will see a murderer.

They will see someone who sees their suffering as a means of gaining points, they will see someone who doesn't care about anyone else.

They will only see betrayal.

They will only see a enemy.

You cannot burn your bridges and expect to find a way home. You cannot stab the people around you, even if you do it for love, even if you believe yourself to be doing it for good reasons, and expect them to open your arms to you when you need it.

Team Soulfire loves. They love so deeply, so intensely, so very much.

And their love doomed them to be hated. To be viewed as the ones willing to do anything, to kill and betray and destroy anything the others have. Their love blinded them to the suffering they inflicted upon the others.

And the most painful thing?

Team Soulfire does not realize others are not playing the game as they are. That when they try to even the scoreboard, when they try to make things "fair" they are just feeding an uncontrollable fire, they are just scattering the ashes even further, they are hugging the broken pieces of what once was and they don't realize that the blood coating their hands.

Oh my darlings, how they put so much faith in a verbal agreement about the safety of the egg statues. How they love the children so much that they could not imagine that others wouldn't see those stones the same way they did, that they wouldn't be petrified that there was the slight chance that hurting the statue could hurt their children, how they believed that people would feel the same, would respect it as much as they did.

But of course they didn't. Because Team Bolas Rojas has been stabbed in the back from all the sides multiple times, they could not phantom the idea of trusting the people who have hunted them for sport, who have killed them for points in their own home, who have done nothing but hurt and betray them, they don't look at Team Soulfire and see friends just trying to go home, trying to protect their loved ones, they just see the people who hurt them multiple times.

And Team Green Ninjas agreed to not kill the statues, they truly had never any intention of finishing the job, but at no point their ever promised they wouldn't try to win, because at the end of the day they too worry so fucking much they couldn't imagine the possibility of not trying to win to save their children.

So that leaves Team Soulfire isolated, burned by love, forever to be distrusted and hated and avoided because of the actions they took in day one, because they believed that anything done in Purgatory was done for love and would be forgiven because they all have the same goal, they all want the same thing, because they believed people would understand their motivations.

And they did! They do!

It just doesn't matter.

Because the hurt they caused is too deep to be soothed by that.

For love, they have caused what seems like irreparable amounts of pain.

For love, they doomed themselves to be the villains in the eyes of everyone they know.

#listen im not going to point fingers in the main post but like #im a firm believer that bbh is the reason team blue is fucked #like sorry if you have mister 'i will kill everyone for the sake of the eggs and be cruel about it i don't give a fuck' on your team #ofc people are going to want to deck your ass when they see you #because he is part of your team so the logical thinking is that you agree with him when he is just hurting you and your friends #and aint nobody just going to accept that #mf burned his bridges and his team's bridges all in one that is a special talent if i say so myself #i think i will do team green in a different post hang on #qsmp purgatory #qsmp analysis #team soulfire #qsmp #what hits me the most about team soulfire is that watching them is like seeing traumatized people trying their best #but for others povs? they are just a bunch of motherfuckers and i would deck them in the face without hesitation #because they don't mean to but they were so very cruel on the first day #and now no one is willing to offer them a hand when they need the most #doomed themselves trying to do the right thing #i hope things get worse for them #disproportional consequences and all that shit #you started something you could never predict and now it's destroying you and everything you ever loved vibes

[spotsupstuff]

i sense how on the contrary, when moon is in Zeph’s local group the members will all go ‘omg youre actually letting us do this’ or be surprised of her leniency with almost anything(or if she gets upset she wont be yelling her ass off and will try to remain calm), because of how Zeph would usually be so strict with em and they didnt expect better

see- first you gotta understand that the chancla doesn't really Hurt the iterators. while they definitely can feel through their puppets, those things are made to be sturdy (throw a normal or singularity bomb into Pebs' chamber,he's fine, i know he just doesn't have health but worldbuilding is worldbuilding so i guess a fully functional iterator is fine with blackhole into the head). it maybe stings for a sec but it's not worse than gettin pinched (also where did you get that she yells at em, she's only exclaimed so far i think. if you check how she handled Innocence, that's how she generally goes about it- no yellin for the sake of puttin 'em in place, she's just venting out her frustrations into the air)

the Point of the chancla is to get the target's unwavering attention so she can talk some sense into them WITHOUT using the senior privilege which is far more invading since it cuts straight through their systems and forces the juniors to stop everything to pay attention. these things are giant supercomputers! they are going to have a different perspective on what counts as "too much"/"too bad" than us humans! it isn't used to limit what they are doing unless the thing they are gon do is explicitly threatening to their safety, the limiting is what the Senior Privilege does!

in that lil comic with Pebs, Suns, Nish, Inn and her, she doesn't actually even hit Nish in the last panel, the chancla is only supposed to suddenly appear from behind next to his face n he gets startled + drama queen points. i've admitted in the tags of it that i gave up on the last page so i don't blame anyone for not gettin that since i haven't put enough effort into communicating it

with what she's doin back in her own group, she Needs to be this strict if she wants her plan of keeping everyone reliably long-term safe to work

and her groupmates would undeniably miss her. they love her! they don't want some lenient stranger without constant spice to her instead of their ramshackle beloved Azzie!!!!

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #remember!!!!! important point to her character that also bothered me at some point with how similar it makes her to Moon was that shes Kind #Zeph is kind almost as much as Moon but their situations- concerning all their past present and future- are strikingly different and so #their lives require them to have different approach to things. what Zeph is specifically doin different from Moon is that shes Firmer #strictness isnt wrong!!! if you arent strict on either yourself or the people around you then it is easy to breach boundaries n do- #-Terrible things. its. honestly why i got real sad when a peep asked me to tag that one post as abuse. its not that believe me Zeph would- #-Never abuse another iterator. shes specifically trying to get around that while still keepin them sensible. but ofc ill tag it as such 4 u #look where Moon's leniency got her! dead and hurt and everyone who loved her suffering! there are times when you Need to be firm and cut- #-a bad situation at its bud before it can spiral into something absolutely damning #i didnt include it cuz it isnt Funney™ but after each chancla she talks to the target about why what they did was wrong #Suns you cant send that. it can hurt him very badly. Innocence you need to respect other people. Pebbles this will Hurt me if u keep doing- #-what you are doing right now. it could *kill* me. why are you doing this in the first place? do you need to talk? need me to listen? #being strict and being cruel or dictatorial are different things

[pipiezexal]

I think it's really important that soon after the reveal that Toshiro hated Laios the entire time they were adventuring together and just never said so, Kabru makes clear, in a way that Laois understands, that he intends to meet Laios again. He's crafting his words very carefully (in the English "I'm glad that we met. I got so much out of talking to you.") but by god he means them and he's not just being polite.

Laios has just learned someone he thought was a dear friend couldn't stand him, which is painful to watch and has resonated with lots of neurodivergent viewers, but that realization is followed with proof that there are and will be people that care about Laios as he is: here's another character, one who's great with people, making the effort to know Laios and establishing that he wants to continue knowing Laios.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #i've tried to remain anime only for this analysis #but i do think it hits a lot harder if you've read the manga #idk i just see a lot of people talking about how much the shuro scene hurts #and it really. really does #it's scary to imagine yourself in Laios position #and sad to know that you have been #but i feel like it's just. important that that scene is not in a vacuum #there might be people who don't communicate with you #or don't communicate in a way that you understand #but there will also be people that love you in spite of and more importantly for how you are #and there will always be people that see you as you are and want to spend more time with you #anyway if your first kabru thought is 'but he wanted to kill laios' did he. #or was that the part of his brain trying to navigate a social encounter when his conversation partner went wildly off script #kabru is trying to minmax conversation and laios is not cooperating and that's short circuiting kabru's brain #anyway i also have toshiro thoughts and that's that he's not being cruel or a bad person #and it's honestly a testament to both laios and toshiro's character that they have this conversation #and then still work together afterwards in some capacity--arguably better so now that they've been able to have this conversation

[movedtodykedvonte]

I sometimes wonder if Miguel ever tried recreating that sense of family he had with Gabriella with Miles and Gwen...except Miles and Gwen only received that toxic parental side from him and not the healthier, wholesome part he had with Gabi because he's mentally unwell and grieving and punishing himself daily as penance.

This is a really good thought cause Gwen alludes to this in her rant at Miguel during the Go Home Machine sequence, “Maybe you weren’t hard enough on him!”. Miguel views his actions based on being Spider-Man not as being Miguel. Either way, he is acclimated to loss in grief in such a unique way that it just seems difficult for him to understand that others aren’t or don’t become susceptible to his alternative to grief/guilt.

It would be plausible that Miguel is sort of worried about gaining a connection with members of the society (especially the younger ones) as he’s lost a lot in his life (if his backstory is any similar to his comic + gabi) and the healthier side would undoubtedly led to a less formal work relationship and something that bleeds into what little life he has outside of Spider-Man as Miguel.

For all intents and purposes Miguel genuinely believes that he is being reasonably protective of Miles and Gwen by over-protecting the canon as he doesn’t want them to experience the pain of over-stepping cosmic and normal boundaries like he did along with dampening his emotional investments in them by being harsh. I mean, recently people have been pointing out he tears up when Miles tells him he can’t not save his dad.

His intentions and sentiments towards these kids are pure and based in altruism but his actions and executions of them are destructive if outright hostile.

#the idea that these actions of his are simply tough love opens a new light to why he tried to break Miles spirit towards the end #he genuinely recognized he was getting dangerous as in that position he could’ve easily bitten or knocked out the kid but was still trying #to talk him down in a sense #as cruel as his words were he wanted Miles to realize the weight of his existence and definitely got to angry and heated before hand to be #effective the fact Gwen thought they could still talk after implies she still thought him reasonable and hints this was a show of care of n #his side that went completely south Miguel likely just wants what’s best and it just so happens to include having people get hurt #also supporting the idea od strict harsh parenting as he’s trying to build them up to be strong spider people sort of like parents who want #their kids to be prodigies I mean you can parallel his meeting with Miles to the meeting with his parents #expectations of what he needs to do or should want vs his own sentiments #miles morales #gwen stacy #ghost spider #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #spiderman #atsv #across the spiderverse #spiderverse #ask #anon #atsv spoilers

[seiya-starsniper]

.

#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended #and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time #it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly #but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did #At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic #and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default #and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior #and realize the world doesn't end when this happens #my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either #I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all #and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc #I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it #but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private #for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings #instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own #thank you #I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that #I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it #but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me #this last part is taking me AGES to write #because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this #and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened #which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me #and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree #I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities #but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.

[soldier-poet-king]

Tbh developing a zero tolerance policy for online bullshit and rancid religious opinions this June bc it hasn't even started yet and I'm Tired. I'm done effacing existence and apologizing for being and feeling sorry for kindness and hating the cruelty of it all, and I already have to deal with that irl where I Can't Escape It

#franposting #im genuinely extremely upset #but that's fine. im upset enough to know there is a boundary and distance here #and i can simply. cut it out. it sucks. but i dont have to listen #i guess its a good sign. my ocd is enough under control that i can ignore religious ppl spouting bullshit #and can do that w/out thinking im damned #bc im not buying into cruel bullshit #and think there is so much more to the world than we can ever know #and that there are more ppl out there who agree with me and believe like i do #that its not just me. and its not just a faith filled with cruelty and lipservice #it is mostly filled with those things maybe. but there are goodnesses and kindnesses too. as small as they are #faith tag #just gonna start. blocking. i cant do it anymore #it isnt even personal hatred. i dont really. hate? i hate opinions and beliefs and cruelty. but i cant hate people #i just. ache. and I am trying so hard to stay hopeful and alive and sometimes all there is is spite #and my head hurts so so bad

[pumpkinrootbeer]

OUOUOOYOUOOUOUOOO the way Evan is cruel the most to the two characters who only ever cared about Evan for Evan. Heidi was his mom, she loved him so much and just wanted to help her kid and Jared was never there for the Connor project or the popularity, the only thing Jared wanted out of the lies was Evan. it was all an excuse to be closer to Evan and THOSE are the two characters Evan is intentionally awful to. Something about self hate. and resenting those who love you. Something about believing you're the worst thing to ever happen to someone.

#keep in mind I said intentionally because I would argue he is way more cruel to the Murphys #but he's not TRYING to hurt them #when he intentionally blocks Jared out of a conversation or repeatedly lies to his mom however he is trying to hurt them #even if he isn't thinking of it like that. #like the delivery in the line 'its not my fault other people can' is so devastating #because he HESITATES before he says it he considers his words and chooses them before he says it #he's not speaking in a panic #like Evan. be nice to ur momma :[ #Ugh I just love how all human these characters I can't hate any of them #dear evan hansen #jared kleinman #evan hansen

[stormyoceans]

thinking about pirate captain sea and surgeon jimmy like

#like sea as a fearsome pirate captain whose ship gets attacked either by another pirate crew or by the navy #they manage to win but they suffer great losses #one of which is their surgeon #and since many people on his crew ended up injured sea decides to take on a passenger ship hoping to find a doctor #or at least a medicine chest #he gets lucky and does indeed find a doctor (jimmy of course) #and like i don't have a clear plot in mind but the dynamic would be so delicious #sea kidnapping jimmy and being ready to bribe him with a share of their plunder to convince him to help his crew #but jimmy is a doctor through and through and he would never let someone die without at least trying to help them #even if that someone is a pirate #on the other hand jimmy believing that pirates are heartless but then witnessing sea being ready to do anything to save his crew #even following jimmy's orders as sea helped him with each man #and after a while jimmy notices that sea is favoring his left side and having a hard time breathing #so he realizes that sea got hurt as well but didn't say anything because for him his crew comes first #and as jimmy patches him up sea does end up offering him a share of the loot for his services but jimmy refuses because that would make him #and sea laughs because saving a pirate's life would already be enough for the world to consider jimmy a pirate himself #so sea just promises him to let him go as soon as they get to shore #and suddenly jimmy finds himself in a weird position because the crew respects him and treats him well #and it's hard to remember these men are supposed to be violent and cruel when they're just laughing and helping each other's out #WHY DID GMMTV GIVE ME A PIRATE CONCEPT NOW IM OBSESSED #m: txt

[faineant-girl]

i wish all addicts, in recovery or not, a life free of sorrow forever

#.vent #kinda. im not gonna delete this one though #i just. i sure am thinking about this a lot. #i listen to like. trip report videos or whatever and like. the comments section on every single one. just nasty #theres no sympathy for an addict to be seen. unless they're also an addict or are recovering #my dad is a recovered addict. hes been clean for 6 years. i love my dad and hes a wonderful person. #i obviously still have trauma from when he was actively in his mess. to deny that addicts have caused others trauma is to be reductive. #addicts can cause trauma because theyre people. and people can cause trauma all the same #but the lack of understand or care or basic respect to anyone dealing with addiction is just. appalling. #im sick and tired of hearing the same old fucking phrase that its the addicts fault cuz they decided to take the first hit. like #man how fucking cruel can you be. how heartless ya know. #like its obvious hardly anyone commenting abiut this knows anything about what being an addict is like. like. #i know i dont. ive been sober my whole life right. i do not have the same experience. #but. i have a compulsive disorder that makes me perform a task that is 1 harmful 2 almost entirely out of my control #and i cannot describe to you how difficult it is to ignore that urge. for your mind to know what youre doing is harmful. but #your body physically is not listening to you. #like. its a different thing when its addiction. but being compelled to do something you know is hurting you isnt unfamiliar to me #plus with addiction the added factor that your body becomes physically dependent on a drug and it hurts you for a long ass time to try and #stop and withdrawl can sometimes literally be lethal. its so fucking sad to see people hold not even. like an ounce of sympathy ya know #if an addict has abused you im not saying you need to forgive them. you dont. but not every addict is youre abuser #and while you do not need to be involved. every addict deserves a good life. everyone deserves a chance. #just. god. makes me mad. makes me upset. #if you are an addict especially if youre not in recovery. i hope your days go well. i hope the world gets kinder to you.

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

Nothing makes me want to get started on my whole writeup about Limbo like having to see dumbass opinions about him, people really want him to be an innocent monster (he’s not. He. He very much did behead Seimei out of envy after copying his texts he got from Hakudou. He did this by having an affair with his wife. Also Seimei was drunk at that time too. The very first page he appears on describes him as violent and arrogant. This is a story from 1662…. He does not have the innocent monster skill and Shikibu also calls the living Douman monstrous… if anything, Salieri, an actual innocent monster was warped into being more like Douman, even though he did not have the sort of envious enough to kill relationship with Mozart like Douman did with Seimei in the least)

I’m almost at the end of the Douman chapters of Abe no Seimei Monogatari (1662) I should probably summarize them cause they give a lot of context for why he’s Like That

#Infel’s fate tag #but nothing will ever piss me off as people trying to claim he was trying to help danzou #I do not think you people have read Shimousa #ONRIEDO MIDDLE….. #please stop softening him he's more complicated than he seems but that doesn't mean secretly good #he genuinely takes pleasure in hurting people. he doesn't have some innate desire to help #he holds NO LOVE #i don't think he hates anyone other than seimei but you don't need hate to be cruel and he does *enjoy* it

[todayisafridaynight]

i went on a walk and came back 60% more evil

#snap chats #you know that meme of spiderman holding back the bus while a kids walking across the street thats me @ myself right now #STOPPPP STOP BEING SAD STOP THINKING OF SAD THINGS TO DRAW OUUUUUGGGH theyd be SOOOO nice tho.. #NOOOOO STOPPPPP its JUST angst for Everyone involved #this is what i mean my dad a fucking LIAR he be like 'go on a walk to feel better :)' father i came back with the intent to harm #with the intent to harm all ten people invested in the arakawa family i have come to be cruel #but NO. NO i said no more. wheres that electric fly swatter i need one of those #i have CUTE and WHOLESOME things on the menu THAT is the OBJECTIVE #my mental health keeps getting worse and it shows im trying to fight it with family fun time #who tf made that graphic of the mate in charge of ghibli movies and he's depressed as all hell im tryna live like that #i might be dying inside but let me make something pretty at LEAST #okokok let me actually start drawin onea them sweet things. the urge to lie down all day is strong but i shant i must be stronger #also dont walk outside it hot as hell out. im built like a lizard though thats perfect for me #but tryna sit in a cold place afterwards No Thanks. #ok my head hurts bye lets see if i come back with anything or the apathy wins

[reddiamondyeet]

.

#red rants #I'm so fucking awful. god #I care about people so much but my first thought everytime is me first. me me me. #One of my friends will be crying and there will be that overwhelming voice in my head saying “can't they just get over themselves already?” #AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT WAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE CRUEL LIKE THAT. #BUT I DON'T LOVE. IT'S NOT SOMETHING I FEEL. IN ALMOST ANY WAY. #the closest thing I have is my mother #I care about them. I really do. But I can't keep doing this. #I can't keep watching them break and not being able to feel anything for them but apathy. #what am I even supposed to say? all the tactics that work with them require those emotions i can't feel! #and all the tactics I can use only hurt them more! I'm so sick of this! #I'm sick of seeing them suffer and my first thought being “At least people see you. You're lucky and you don't even know it” #I'M SICK OF BEING A JEALOUS LOVELESS ANTISOCIAL ASSHOLE I WANT FRIENDS I WANT LOVE I WANT IT SO BADLY #but what the fuck am I supposed to do. I'm too tired to even think about changing myself. #I might as well not even try to be friends with anyone. I'm not going to able to be there for them when it counts most. #maybe I've just fucking doomed myself into loneliness. I don't wanna be alone. I don't want you to be alone. You shouldn't have to be alone. #but turns out my fucking shitty broken brain is too exhausted to care about people more often than not. #i care so much i loop back around to not caring. how fucking amazing. whatever. i've never kept anyone for that long anyway #guess I'm just doomed to fail