#sexy dino costumes should be a thing

[smileysuh]

clowns

🌙 staring. S.coups & Jeonghan & Joshua & Wonwoo & Mingyu x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. you’re a sad, blue, crazy, tulle’d clown - corset and all - riding one of the most beautiful men you know, on the hood of his best friend’s car, exposed to the cool night air, under the full moon on a Halloween night while four more men watch... what could be better than this? 

cw/ tw. dark content, group sex, 6some, orgy, degradation, praise, manhandling, size kink, dirty talk, oral (f/m receiving), dacryphilia, deep throating, protected sex, fingering, squirting, parking lot exhibitionism, voyeurism, marking, horror/clowns, choking, dumbification, etc...  I pet names. squeak (50), silly/sad/stupid/messy/little clown (19+), daddy (6), etc...

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 13.3k

🍭 aus. frat au, Halloween, friends to fuckers, etc...

☀️ mlist + an. enjoy some sexy clowns and Happy Halloween ;) 

Prologue - the year before

A shrill scream cuts through the cold October air, and two men run past you at full speed, a killer clown chasing them with a knife raised. 

The sight of DK and Seungkwan being picked on - as they get picked on every year - makes you laugh, clinging tighter to Seungcheol’s arm while your group of friends walks around the haunted theme park. 

“Scared?” Cheol teases you, tugging you closer to his side, which helps you narrowly avoid Dino as he’s chased past. 

“She’s not scared,” Jeonghan laughs, falling into step next to you to act as something like a shield from a zombie actor approaching. “She might look like she’s just a baby, but we all know she likes horror. Don’t you, Squeak?”

You do. You love horror almost as much as you love the nickname the group of guys had given you the first time you’d all gone to a haunted house together. They’d teased you for the little sounds of shock you’d made at the jump scares, but you know how much they enjoy having a girl around to do scary things with. 

“Squeak loves haunted theme parks,” Wonwoo adds from your rear where he’s walking with - and protecting - his roommate, Mingyu. “Loves them so much- I was just thinking she should get a job here next year.”

“That could be fun,” Joshua muses, joining the conversation. “Cheol could get a job too, he wouldn’t even need a scary mask- his face is terrifying enough as it is.”

The man next to you jerks away from your side, and Joshua darts out of fighting distance with a grin, only to be grabbed by an actor dressed as Pennywise. Your group bursts into laughter at the way Joshua jumps in shock. Within seconds, Pennywise is chasing Woozi and Vernon, and you’re happily walking with Wonwoo, truly considering his suggestion.

1: crazy clown

“This feels like some kind of sick joke,” Seungcheol groans, running a hand through his tangle of dark hair, pushing it away from his painted face. 

When your group of friends had applied to work at the theme park, Seungcheol had been envisioning zombie makeup- something gruesome, something scary-

He’d never - in a million years - have predicted the resurgence of sexy killer clowns-

But he simply hadn’t been paying much attention. Because, despite ‘It’ being years old, when the group of friends come out of the dressing trailer in costumes, one of them is fully decked out as Hoshiwise the Dancing Clown. 

Taking a look around the circle, Seungcheol compares his costume to everyone elses, eyes skipping over the attention whore practicing his stupid little dance-

Minghao and Jeonghan are in suit and tie apparel, faces done up in clown makeup that accentuates their smiles and regal bone structures. 

Cheol’s never been jealous of the tall, scary thin man body type before- but he has to admit how much he wishes he would have been type cast as a front of house, sexy joker.

Next is Vernon, who looks the most like an actual clown, makeup done, in a mismatched, vibrant but darkly coloured, shabby suit, and a stupid little party hat on his head- 

When his eyes meet Cheol’s, Vernon flashes the biggest, stupidest, scariest grin the elder has ever seen- and Seungcheol tears his gaze away. 

Like the whole cast of people, Wonwoo and Joshua, who will man the second floor of the small house they’ll be running, are in dark colours. 

The former is in a dark grey straight jackety type outfit, but his arms are free, and his face is red joker lipped, with black circles around his eyes. In the dark of the night next to the trailer, Seungcheol can already tell Wonwoo will be a hit at scaring teens shitless. 

Joshua, however, looks more like a scary clown doctor than patient, fitting with the upstairs theme of psycho clown asylum… which is a concept Seungcheol has honestly never heard of.

He wishes he could have been a sexy asylum clown, though.

He wishes he could be anything other what he’d been chosen to be-

But alas, the first floor needed big guys like him and Mingyu to play into the theme of killer circus. 

Seungcheol hates the mute tone onesie fit he’s been forced into, with it’s frilly collars- but he’d been promised a chainsaw-

Seungcheol thinks his outfit is the worst of the bunch.

But then Mingyu comes out of the trailer in a horrible clown mask and a similar outfit to Seungcheol’s, babbling while tugging on the silicon about how the makeup artist had said he was “too cute to scare anyone and had to cover his face”- and suddenly Seungcheol doesn't hate his costume so much. 

2: thin man clown

“Well look what we have here,” Jeonghan says smoothly when you come out of the funhouse five minutes into the start of your shift. “It’s a smiley clown.”

You’re dressed in muted yellows, a three piece shabby suit like himself, but more clowny- a big mustard and cream coloured smile drawn on your face. 

“I’m happiness,” you tell him, adjusting your checkered trousers. “There’s three of us girls doing emotions. Sadness and Anger are inside tonight, and I get to be out here with you guys.”

“Lucky us,” Jeonghan breathes, although he really doesnt give a shit about his location partner Minghao, nor Hoshi and Vernon, who are yet to take off to terrorize park guests with clownery. 

“I like your costume,” you note, and for a moment, Jeonghan can imagine you’re talking just to him… but then your eyes shift to the others. “Hoshiwise is iconic.”

“Yes,” the man in question agrees, eyes lighting up as he jumps into a funny position, mimicking the motion from the movie, as well as the quote, bastardized; “I’m Hoshiwise the dancing clown!”

Beside him, Vernon flashes a massive, fake smile, and it makes Jeonghan chuckle at the spectacle.

He’s glad you’re all out here this year.

As one of the elder members of the frat crew that partakes in horror, he might not get many more chances at something like this. 

“Look everyone,” Jeonghan stands up straighter, gaze shifting past Hoshi, “people.”

The gates to the theme park must have opened just minutes ago, and already, customers are beginning to flood towards the strip of haunted mansions. 

Hoshi and Vernon dart off, their shift as nomadic clowns of terror truly begining. 

There’s a group of five teenagers, who approach the clown house with determined expressions. 

They’ll be the first customers of the night, and as they move past Jeonghan, eyes fixed on Minghao by the entrance, the elder lunges a little, easily spooking three of the teens, who scream and jump away.

The laughter that errupts out of you next makes Jeonghan’s skin tingle. 

You’re behaving downright unhinged, chasing after the frightened group- a perfect version of happy on drugs, happy on steriods- 

Or maybe you just have a drug like effect on Jeonghan, who relishes in manning the entrance to the fun house with you. 

Part of your job is to laugh at him, to laugh at his jokes, to laugh at customers and be a little crazy- but Jeonghan can tell you’re also simply enjoying yourself. 

Your laugh is the sweetest fucking sound in the world to him, and when things begin to slow down, Jeonghan finds himself standing next to you, admitting, “I like smiling clowns,” in reference to you.

You simply grin, nudging your shoulder against his own. “I like smiling clowns too.” 

3: doctor clown

Joshua is just setting up for night two of running the second floor of the clown house when you enter the room in the red outfit of angry clown.

The man dressed as a psycho clown doctor has to take a moment to recollect himself, to remember to breathe, because you look good enough to eat-

“Hey Joshie,” you great him with a smile, fidgeting with one of the puffy cuffs on your wrist that match your outfit- a very clownesque muted maroon onesie. “The girls and I are rotating through emotions, and I’m Anger tonight.”

“I can see that,” Joshua says, swallowing thickly. “It looks good on you.”

“Thanks,” you beam. “So listen- I heard you guys were doing some improvised erm- throwing around yesterday?”

“What?”

“Like, you would throw Anger around and sort of play off of that?” you clarify, searching Joshua’s eyes in a way that’s highly distracting for him-

“Right- yeah,” Joshua licks his lips. “Near the end of the night. It worked out- people were a little shocked by it.”

“Shock is good!” you grin. “I was thinking that I don’t mind being thrown around, and we added some padding under this onesie, so you don’t have to be gentle.”

“I don’t, huh?” Joshua’s heart lurches to his throat, and he can’t help the way his voice dips at the notion-

“Uh huh,” you nod enthusiastically, obliviously. 

You have no clue how much of an effect you have on the men you surround yourself with. 

And you drive a steak right into Joshua’s heart when you give him a cheeky grin and say, “Glad we had this talk. I’m gonna run off and tell Wonwoo.”

Then, you do, leaving Joshua in the dust.

4: straight jacket clown

At first, when you’d told Wonwoo it would be alright for him to throw you around, it had made him want to groan in frustration.

But then, once doing it, once getting into the scene of being a crazy psycho clown throwing around a smaller, angrier, little maroon clown- it had been something like fun and games.

You’d dart here and there, in and out of the upstairs rooms where Wonwoo and Joshua prowled, scaring the shit out of anyone coming through the space-

However, as the night starts to wind down, Wonwoo begins to note a loss of energy in your movements. 

When you run at him, and he easily tosses you to the wall, throwing you in a way that makes you narrowly miss a screaming teenager, he sees that you take a second to recuperate, and it makes him falter.

He keeps a close eye on you for the remaining thirty minutes of the night.

When the house officially closes, and the lights get turned back on, Wonwoo is quick to find you.

“You did good tonight,” he says, as you, he and Joshua walk through the upstairs space, closing windows and setting things right. “Hope we weren’t too rough.”

As the words come out, Wonwoo’s eyes meet Joshua’s, and there’s an unspoken understanding that’s passed between them.

“Not too rough,” you’re quick to assure the two, accepting the water bottle Wonwoo extends. “And I have padding remember?” you pat at the onesie- “But, I am getting hot-”

“Must be excited to get out of that thing,” Joshua notes, “Cheol’s been bitching about how hot the onesie costumes are.”

“Yeah, it’s one of the reasons Anger, Sadness and Happiness had to do rotations,” you say with a laugh, “the girl who played Anger last night was not impressed.” 

“She didn’t seem too impressed last night,” Wonwoo grins with you.

“Can’t understand why-” you breathe, reaching behind yourself to tug down the onesie zipper, exposing your shoulders and a black tank top below, “Who wouldn’t want a job being thrown around by two strong guys in sexy clown outfits, even if it means getting a little hot?”

Wonwoo watches the way you tie the two onesie arms around your waist, keeping the outfit up, before you drink from the water bottle. 

He watches the way you swallow, then let out a shaky breath, laughing as you look between them. 

“What?”

They’ve been caught staring, something that happens with some frequency, although you dont seem to have been able to put the puzzle pieces together yet-

“Nothing,” Wonwoo breathes, running a hand through his dark hair. 

He needs a shower- needs a shower and maybe some good porn-

“So we’re done night number two,” Joshua announces, easily changing the subject. “Tomorrow is going to be insane.”

Tomorrow is Halloween, and your friends will be coming through the house. 

Tomorrow you’ll be rotating again, down to the first floor as Sadness, if Wonwoo’s not mistaken, and he’d hardly even savoured the act of throwing you around- 

He doesn’t just need a shower and some porn, he needs a god damned release. 

5: masked clown

It’s the final night of the three night horror theme park, and Mingyu has just about had it with the whole thing- 

Until you walk through the front door dressed as a cute, sad, little blue clown, ready to join he and Scoups on the first floor of the funhouse- 

And then- well,  things are maybe worth it.

Maybe. 

Mingyu still has to wrestle with his mask a little - the discusting, fowl smelling, sticky, hot, cap of plastic that the makeup artist had handed him on day one- just to see you properly.

He’s not minded the eye holes being a little messy thus far, but now that it’s impeding on his ability to see you- he’s getting more frustrated than ever. 

Mingyu doesnt even get a chance to talk to you before Seungcheol is revving his fake chainsaw to life, and the show is starting, patrons of fear walking through the front door. 

Unlike the past two nights, there’s an intriguing calmness that Mingyu feels to be working the first floor of the house with you- as opposed to one of the other girls who’ve rotated through as emotions. 

Sadness’s schtick seems to revolve around shadowing people as they walk through the space, and releasing haunting wails of desperation.

Every time Mingyu jumps out at a group of teens, just to have them turn the other way and bump right into you- it makes the experience more fun, and more scream-full too, as one of his Canadian friends would say. 

Mingyu can feel his heart racing faster and faster in his chest, as the night goes on; can feel the sticky humidity of the mask against his face- 

But none of that matters, especially not when a familiar crew of people come walking through the door. 

Seungkwan and DK have quite specific screams, and the sound fills the house, along with the revving of Seungcheol’s chainsaw- then the noise enters Mingyu’s designated clown layer. 

The man in the mask gets a blurred glimpse of the huddled group of his friends before lurching at them, earning more screams-

Mingyu is surprised when Woozi allows Mingyu to grab him, accepting death instead of jumping out of the way like Jun, who is as quick as a deer, with wide eyes- 

And then you’re releasing a loud wail, having appeared behind the group- 

Dino jumps at the noise, and is the next to run away, letting out a blood curling screetch before grabbing onto Dk to haul ass away from Mingyu-

Woozi simply screams in Mingyu’s grasp, the short, beefy, often stoic friend turning into a complete baby in the face of clown mayhem. 

Even through his mask, Mingyu can see the glint in your eye, the spark of enjoyment as you take off to chase the others, focusing in on the squealing DK-

Mingyu has hated working in a haunted house- 

But he could get used to seeing you excited. 

6: sad, silly, stupid, little, baby clown

You can’t believe your last shift is done- can’t believe it’s Halloween and that the spooky season is nearly over. 

As you walk through the haunted house, heading to join your friends where they must be unwinding outside by the trailer, you’re struck with an overwhelming sadness, and it’s not just because of your blue costume.

You’ve been having the best three days ever-

In a fun house, scaring the shit out of people, surrounded by some of the hottest men you know, dressed as scary fucking clowns- 

Clown Fucker isn’t a label you would have necessarily given yourself a week ago, but you’ve been drooling for your friends for three days straight- 

And you’ll be damned if you can’t admit that to yourself.

Even now, walking to where you know they’ll be, your heart is thundering heavily in your chest. 

Because the past two nights, ending up by your cars, out back between the trailer and the forest on the edge of town, you’ve watched your friends let loose and relax in their clown outfits after long shifts of work-

And the view has always been- spectacular.

Seungcheol in particular- he and Gyu have been having a rough go of it on the first floor, and you hadn’t understood why it had been so hard until joining them this evening- 

Watching the way they used their sheer body size and mass to appear scarier had made it make sense- as well as the heavy chainsaw and their stuffy apparel. 

Gyu had pulled his rubber mask off the moment the night had ended and the lights had gone back on, and you’d watched the glowing frat boy down an entire water bottle, panting like a man who’d just fucked a girl silly-

And Cheol? Out back, behind the trailer, still hot from work, Cheol is comfortable undoing his onesie, tying it around his waist like you had on day two, and going bare chested, showing off sculpted muscles and pretty skin that’s seemingly impervious to the night’s cool temperature.

You’re practically skipping by the time you make it around the trailer to join your friends to find they’ve already busted out a pack of beer. 

You watch the way Seungcheol tosses cans at his friends, and you notice on your approach that there are a few people missing.

“Where’s Hoshiwise?” you ask Wonwoo as you come to stand next to him, eyes scanning the clowns in your vicinity.

“He went home.”

“Went home?” you frown. “What about celebrating Halloween?”

“He’s definitely celebrating,” Wonwoo says with a sleak, knowing smile.

You watch the way Jeonghan and Wonwoo exchange glances, and you know you’re missing something. 

“Celebrating?” you push.

“His fuck buddy has a thing for clowns,” Jeonghan tells you with a wave of his beautiful, long fingered hand.

You don’t blame her.

“Well-” you swallow, “what about Vernon and Minghao?” 

Jeonghan’s thin man counterpart and the creepiest smiley clown are also nowhere to be seen.

“They were tired,” Seungcheol answers, closing the hatchback to his subaru before leaning back against the bumper. “As much as they like horror, we all know Minghao and Vernon prefer it in little hits.”

“So what’s Mingyu still doing here then?” you tease, throwing your attention to the tall, gloriously beautiful man nursing his beer by the hood of his truck. 

Your group bursts into snickers, and even in the moonlight, you can see Mingyu’s skin heat a pretty shade of pink. He rubs the back of his neck, forcing a smile as he says, “I like horror.”

Seungcheol scoffs loudly, and there’s another chorus of chuckles, because everyone knows  Mingyu does not like horror. 

“Seriously Gyu,” you say with a grin, “why did you sign up for this?”

It’s a direct question, and everyone quiets down, putting pressure on Mingyu who folds under it all.

He begins to stammer, “I- well, you know- I-” and then he takes a sip of his beer, “I told you, I like horror.”

Seungcheol scoffs even louder this time, shaking his head, and just like the exchange between Jeonghan and Wonwoo earlier around the Hoshi comment, you know there’s a secret nobody is telling you about Mingyu.

“Come on,” you laugh, looking at Joshua and Jeonghan for help before casting your gaze to Gyu. “There’s obviously something you guys know that I don’t.”

Your met with shrugs, and a lack of eye contact, which is infuriating. 

“You know-” you sigh, “when my cousin first introduced me to you guys at the frat, and told me you were good dudes, I thought he was right. Because you guys have welcomed me in, have taken care of me even after he graduated- and yet, I’m still never going to be a frat boy- there’s always going to be inside things that I don’t know-”

“It’s not like that,” Jeonghan tries to assure you, but his words trail off, and he shakes his head, looking down.

“So what’s it like?” you ask. “Because it feels like you all know something, and I’m the only one in the dark.”

“We’re all in the dark, Squeak,” Seungcheol says, pointing up at the night sky.

“Don’t do that- don’t ‘Squeak’ me, not right now,” you roll your eyes, hating the way the name always effects you, especially tonight, when everyone is still dressed like sexy, murderous clowns-

“Are the other two emotion girls going to join us?” Wonwoo asks suddenly, nudging his shoulder against your own. “We don’t wanna get into frat secrets if others will be showing up.”

It feels like an excuse, and when you tell the group that the two girls who played Happiness and Anger today have already gone home, you watch the way everyone exchanges another glance.

“Ok, for real,” you pout, “there’s something all of you know, and I’m gonna need you guys to tell me.”

“Or what?” Joshua asks with a laugh. 

“I think she’s gonna cry if we don’t tell her,” Jeonghan answers smoothly, eyes assessing you over the rim of his can of beer. “Squeak already looks like she’s on the verge of tears- annoying little thing, huh?”

“She’s just upset that our three nights of horror work are over,” Joshua responds, with just as much confidence in his voice.

“Is that what it is, Squeak? You feeling a little upset in general? A little blue?” Jeonghan’s attention is fixed on you now, looking up and down the sexy - sad - clown costume you’re wearing. “What ever happened to my smiley clown?”

Wonwoo and Seungcheol chuckle at the way Jeonghan is teasing you, and it only frustrates you more, prompting you to cross your arms over your chest and truly pout out your lip. “You’re not being nice.”

“Gonna stamp your foot for us, baby?” Joshua coos, and the term of endearment feels so natural- “Gonna pout like the sad little clown you are?”

“Josh.” 

The word of warning comes from Seungcheol, and there’s another silent exchange through a glance that has you questioning yourself and your relationship with this group of dudes. 

“You guys suck,” you state dramatically. “I’m going home.”

“No you’re not-” Wonwoo’s hand latches onto your forearm as you turn to storm off, and he tugs you back to him, holding out his beer, “Here, drink this.”

“Are you guys trying to get me drunk now?” you look around the circle of men, and no one says anything. “I still want to know the inside secret,” you muse after taking a sip of the beer. “If no one starts talking- I’m gonna assume Mingyu came out tonight because he has a crush on me.”

At first, it’s meant to be a joke, but when every clown in your vicinity stays dead quiet- you realize you’ve hit the nail on the head.

“No-” you shake your head, “no way-” your eyes turn to the tall, puppylike philosophy major, and you see how pink his cheeks are- “Really!? Mingyu- are you guys for real?”

“You seem excited, Squeak” Joshua notes, and when you look to him, you see how stony his gaze is.

“I’m just-” you take a breath- quickly looking around the circle of hot men that you’ve been too scared to truly flirt with- “no one’s ever signed up for a whole ass job just to be close to me before-”

“No one?” Wonwoo asks-

There’s another exchange of glances, another shared secret that you’re eager to jump on. 

“No way- who else?” Your heart is thundering in your chest.

Wonwoo stiffens. “What?”

“I said ‘no one’s done this for me before,’ you echoed ‘no one,’ which implies more people have, and I’m looking at a group of dudes who all just spent three nights running a haunted house with me, so tell me Wonwoo- who else is here to try their luck at all of this?” 

You motion to yourself, fully aware of the fact that you’re still decked out as a sad, blue clown. 

“Take a guess,” Jeonghan grins, looking as happy as ever to have his friends put on the spot-

You don’t miss the way Seungcheol elbows him, letting out a guttural sound of annoyance before opening his hatchback to grab another beer. 

He won’t look at you, even when you announce his name for everyone to hear. 

Cheol simply closes the trunk, cracks open his drink, and leans back against the bumper to take a sip. 

You watch the way he swallows, watch the way he rubs the back of his hand against his mouth, smearing some of the remnants of maroon and white paint. 

He shrugs, stating, “you caught me,” and your heart practically stops- only for it to lurch to your throat when he continues, “you caught all of us, Squeak.”

Now everyone is looking at you, and you find yourself looking back.

There’s Wonwoo, who you’ve always found to be sexy in a mysterious kind of way.

Then Jeonghan, who knows just how to push your buttons-

And Joshua, who had you in a daze just yesterday after throwing you around a little.

Mingyu is an absolute baby, and you adore him-

Seungcheol is a little more surprising though. He’s been your ‘oppa’, your protector, and your friend since the first night your cousin introduced you to him, and during that first meating, you’d thought he’d solidified himself in the friend zone- he’d seemed to love it there-

It’s a shock to think that all this time- he’s been interested in you.

It’s a shock to think that all of them have been into you- and not one of them thought to tell you. 

“So…” you swallow thickly, “is there some bro code about how a group of guys like you sorts out who gets the girl, or… were you just never gonna tell me that I have options.”

“Options, huh?” Seungcheol chuckles, “is that all we are to you? Just gonna choose your favourite?”

“Not without trying you all out first,” you grin wickedly.

Wonwoo groans next to you, shifting. “You can’t say things like that, Squeak-”

“Really? But I just did?” you play innocent, even as your heart continues to thunder against it’s cage. 

“Can���t say things like that, and not follow through, is what he means,” Jeonghan says with a sly grin. “Look everyone, my smiley clown is back- you like the thought of that, huh, Squeak? Can’t just say stuff like that and not follow through-”

“She can back out,” Seungcheol interjects, “if she doesn’t think she could take it.”

And the it in question seems to be the cocks of five of your best friends. 

“I can take it,” you state, as determined as ever.

“Cute,” Joshua smile sweetly, “she thinks it’s gonna be easy.”

“We all know our little Squeak has a tendency to get her hands full,” Jeonghan muses, “just didn’t think you’d be this greedy, baby.”

“Right, because I’m the greedy one,” you roll your eyes. “Even though all five of you have been openly thirsting over me - to each other -  for… how long?”

“A while,” Mingyu answers your question from where he’s tensed by his truck.

“A while,” you repeat, throwing your hands up. “Great!” 

“We didn’t want to creep you out,” Wonwoo says softly.

“Really?” you look his costume up and down. “You guys don’t seem to have a problem creeping other people out- and you didn’t have a problem throwing me around yesterday-”

A chorus of “What?”s run through the circle.

“Oh, you guys didnt hear?” you blink. “On the second floor, Joshua and Wonwoo were having fun throwing Anger around and into walls-”

“Are you two crazy?” Mingyu asks in shock.

“It was Anger number one’s idea-” Wonwoo is quick to defend himself.

“And Anger number two loved it,” Joshua says, dark eyes meeting your own, “didn’t you, Squeak?”

 “She did,” Wonwoo answers before you get a chance, and he turns his body to look at you when he says, “you were in a daze last night near the end of it, needed a bit of after care.”

He’d definitely been more attentive than normal last night- and now that you think of it, other details of behaviour are starting to make sense too.

“Are you guys really all into me?” you ask, scared that it has to be a lie.

“We are,” Seungcheol confirms with a sigh and swig of his drink.

“And it’s not just because I’m a sexy, sad clown?” you question. “When I take this outfit off, you’re still gonna think I’m hot?”

“Oh Squeak,” Jeonghan smiles fondly, “we all know that even when you take the outfit off, you’re still gonna be our sexy, sad little clown. That’s just who you are.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” Joshua’s the next to reassure you. “Our cute, horror loving, cry baby.”

There’s a beat of silence then;  “Should we give her something to cry about?” 

Jeonghan’s words hang heavy in the cold October air. 

You eagerly wait for someone’s thoughts, and you don’t have to wait long.

“I think she’ll start crying regardless,” Seungcheol responds lowly. “Sad, sensitive, little clown who’s gonna cry when we do touch her, and cry when we don’t.”

You’ve always known Cheol has a dark side- you’ve heard him give tongue lashings to pledges being stupid before, but being the victim of his degrading words is different-

Your skin tingles with interest-

“Are you really gonna fuck me so good that I cry?” you blink, body already beginning to become overwhelmed- flooded with endorphins that are making your skin practically sing now-

“Squeak,” Jeonghan laughs, “that was never in question.”

“You’re good with being outside?” Wonwoo asks while taking your drink from you, setting it on the ground next to his own empty can.

“Outside is okay-” you nod. “I think everyone’s gone home. The makeup trailer is locked, and I don’t think we’d all fit in any of these cars-” 

“Are you sure you want to do this, Squeak?” Joshua cocks his head to the side, draging his gaze up and down your body. “One sad little clown, taking five of us, outside, on Halloween-”

“I can take it,” you state, more forcefully than you had the first time.

“You keep saying that, but what is it, Squeak?” Jeonghan approaches you, holding his hands out. You allow him to take you into his embrace, spinning you to pin you with your back to his chest so you can look at the others when Jeonghan brings his mouth down to your ear, lips teasing your skin when he asks, “Who do you want to take first? And how?” 

He grinds against your ass, and you can feel his cock begining to harden in his pinstripe pants- you can feel your own wetness beginning to pool between your legs as the reality of the situation becomes clearer and clearer-

“Five of us, one of you,” Jeonghan’s breath teases your throat. “Choose the order, Squeak.”

“I get to choose?” you blink in surprise. 

Seungcheol lets out a chuckle. “Come on Jeonghan, clown baby enjoys being thrown around by Wonwoo and Joshie, you think she wants to choose what order we fuck her in?”

“I guess not,” the man behind you grabs your hips, tugging you backward so you can feel his cock again, “but, I thought I’d be nice and ask.”

“Squeak likes horror,” Cheol pushes off from his car, “we don’t need to be nice.” 

“So you’re just gonna full on dom her now?” Mingyu speaks up, frowning.

“Not everyone is a switch like you Gyu,” the eldest clown remarks. “Some girls just want to be fucked- isn’t that right, Squeak?”

You really really do- 

“And sad little clowns especially,” Cheol breathes, “they’re really looking to get it.”

He’s never talked this way in front of you, not really- and his words alone are enough to have you weak in the knees, so when you add the fact that Seungcheol is still dressed as a psycho killer clown- well, you’re panties are for sure going to be ruined after this.

Wonwoo’s still watching you, and he’s next to speak, reaching out a hand to pinch your chin, forcing your eyes to him when he notes, “You’re looking a little scared though, and not in a sexy way-” this earns a few laughs from others, who aren’t as clear as you are - by the way Wonwoo is looking at you - that he’s serious. “What are you thinking?”

“Just-” you let out a shaky breath, swallowing thickly. “Just- that, you guys must have a lot of patience, because- it’s not like I can take many of you at once-”

“Some of us mind watching more than others,” Seungcheol says, “isn’t that right, Gyu?”

“I’ve been good,” comes a mumbled response, and Wonwoo releases your chin so you can both look over his shoulder at the notorious scardy cat switch who’s honestly been trying his best-

“Maybe you both need a safe word,” Wonwoo clicks his tongue, gaze shifting to you once more. 

“How’s Hoshiwise sound as an immediate mood killer?” Jeonghan laughs behind you, fingers digging into your hips.

“Works for me,” you say while pushing your bum back against Jeonghan, who’s been continuing to tease you throughout all of this-

You’ve had enough of waiting for someone to really do something- and so far, Jeonghan’s the only one who’s touched you - other than a brief chin grab from Wonwoo - so you figure he’s a good person to start with.

Besides, you’d started this whole three day horror fest with Jeonghan, manning the entrance as Happiness, so it feels fitting.

It feels god damned natural to simply turn around in his grasp and grab his face, pressing your lips to his. And the way he immediately melts into it, body relaxing as his hands find your hips, tugging you even closer- it has your core tingling with interest.

Jeonghan’s tongue slips across your lip, prompting you to open your mouth for him, and the kiss deepens, earning a groan from you both-

Someone laughs in your ear, and then another form is pressing against yours, a warm chest boxing you in at your back. 

You’re very much enthralled with Jeonghan, but there’s something on the periphery of your mind telling you it’s not Wonwoo behind you, even though he was within touching distance when you’d begun kissing Hannie- 

No, the rough hands that tug at your costume, smoothing along the front of your corset- these definitely don’t belong to Wonwoo, who had managed to be gentle even when grabbing your chin earlier.

“You’ve got no padding tonight, baby,” Joshua’s breath is hot by your throat, “still gonna let us throw you around a little?”

You groan against Jeonghan, breaking your kiss to nod frantically. You have one hand still gripping the front of Jeonghan’s dress shirt, and you reach behind you with the other, grasping onto Joshua so he can’t move away. 

The words that escape you next come from god knows where-

“Want you to use me.”

“Fuck-” Jeonghan lets out a shakey laugh.

“Did you guys all hear that?” you can feel Joshua smile against your throat, taking in a breath before saying loudly enough for everyone to catch; “Sad little clown really just wants to be used tonight.”

“Bet she’s wet already,” Jeonghan swallows, locking eyes with you as he addresses his friends, “should we check?”

“Jeonghan-” you whimper his name, a silent plea exchanged in a look, and then your friend is complying. 

He slips his hand between your bodies, manuevering through the layers of tulle skirt you’re wearing to reach the crotch of your tights and panties- 

The groan he lets out confirms you’ve soaked through two layers of clothing, and the feeling of his fingers pressing against your clothed entrance has you whining loudly, swiveling your hips in an attempt to get more pressure-

“What a cute little whore for us,” Joshua says fondly, one hand moving up to grasp the swell of your breast, excentuated by the corset. “You’re focused on Hannie, but you should know…” his lips press to your throat, “Gyu’s going crazy watching this.”

“He can wait,” Jeonghan states, pupils blown with lust, “I can’t.”

“So you’re going first?” Joshua scoffs.

“She picked me first,” the man with his hand between your thighs insists. “Isn’t that right, Squeak?”

Jeonghan looks so sexy- a mischevious glint in his eye and his smile accentuated by skeletal clownery that’s now been quite smudged- 

How could you ever say no to him?

You find yourself nodding eagerly, ready to do anything that’s gonna get you over the nearest horizontal surface-

“She said she couldn’t take many of us at once- I feel like she could take two.” Joshua’s breath is hot against your neck, voice dipping when he asks, “You could take two, right, Squeak?”

“I-” your heart lurches to your throat-

“One in your pussy, one in your mouth,” Joshua continues. “As much as we’d all love to see our pretty little clown cry, I think we can all tell you’re not open to butt stuff, and that’s okay Squeak, we can work with that.” 

They know you well - can read you without you needing to say a word - and it’s intoxicating. 

“You’re sure no one’s gonna come see?” you ask as Jeonghan and Joshua fly into motion, pressing your body back against Wonwoo’s prized impalla-

“No one’s gonna come see,” the stoic man watching you with dark eyes notes as you’re manhandled onto the hood of his car- “the theme park closed a while ago, everyone’s out partying Squeak, it’s just us out here.” 

“So you can be as loud as you want,” Jeonghan adds, eyes fixed to your core while he pushes your legs open.

“We’re gonna have to rip her tights,” Joshua says from where he’s standing shoulder to shoulder with his roommate-

Now you realize why these two are working so well together- 

They’ve probably done this before.

The thought brings mixed feelings- and a new eagerness to prove yourself-

But the men between your legs are practically drooling at the sight of you- and the rough way Joshua grabs the crotch of your tights to tear them open is proof enough of how deep into this they are too.

Jeonghan drops to his knees, grabbing onto you and pulling you to the edge of the hood, where he buries his face in your panty covered core, groaning loudly and teasing at the fabric with his teeth and tongue-

A moan escapes you, and you reach down, burrying your fingers in Jeonghan’s hair to anchor yourself-

“You look so good, Squeak,” Wonwoo breathes, taking a seat on the hood next to you so he can reach out and trace his fingers across the swell of your breasts, still confined and plumped by the corset.

“She’s gonna look even better in a minute,” Joshu says, coming around the side of the old impala. “Lay down, Squeak, Jeonghan’s gonna work on you, and you’re gonna work on me.” 

The position is an interesting one, but you follow through, relaxing back against the metal and allowing the men to manuever you diagonally so your head can loll off the side of the hood- 

Joshua looks down at you, and you watch, licking your lips in preparation, as he undoes his belt-

The man between your thighs roughly tugs your panties to the side, and all of the sudden, his tongue is pressing flat to your core, licking a stripe that has you tingling with need-

“Jeonghan-” you whimper, wildly reaching for his hair again even as Joshua tugs his hard cock out of his pants. 

“Before I stuff your mouth-” Joshua says, “we should probably talk protection.”

Wonwoo laughs next to you, echoing the word “Probably.”

“I’m on the pill, but-”

“We’re still going to use condoms,” Seungcheol’s words cut though the October air, clear, controlled and authoritative.

“No messy clowns today?” Jeonghan groans against your pussy.

“Not here,” the same steady voice says. “Maybe back at the frat, but not here, Jeonghan.” 

“You can cum in my mouth though,” you tell Joshua, continuing to look up at him when you state; “I can swallow.”

Multiple groans of appreciation sound around you, and Joshua smiles fondly, “I’ll keep that in mind Squeak, now open up and say ah.”

You close your eyes as Joshua pushes into your mouth, relaxing your jaw and allowing the feeling of Jeonghan between your legs to take over. 

It feels good to be used- good to have one mouth on you while your mouth is on another. 

You can also feel the power of five sets of eyes glued to your form, five men - still dressed as killer clowns - who are all but worshiping you, on the night where ‘the viel between the world is apparently thinnest.’

There’s something sinful about being outside - under the full moon - but there’s something so right about it too. 

Joshua pushes into your mouth slowly, testing how deep he can go with you. 

His salty taste and musky smell only turn you on more, cock heavy as it burrows past your lips-

“She’s good at that.”

Wonwoo’s calm musing has your skin heating with pleasure, and his fingers brush by your breasts again-

Different digits slide into your core a moment later, and you groan around Joshua’s cock, enjoying the feeling of Jeonghan exploring your insides-

“There?” Jeonghan asks when he touches a spot that makes your toes curl. “Is that your spot, Squeak?”

Of course you can’t answer- Joshua makes sure of that, chuckling above you while thrusting his hips, cock hitting the back of your throat-

It doesn’t matter though, because Jeonghan’s question was rhetorical.

You’re sure he must be able to tell, by the squelching of your pussy around his fingers, that he’s found just the right button to push-

“I think Squeak is going to cum,” Jeonghan states loudly-

You hear a small commotion of sorts, a sharp “hey” from Jeonghan, his fingers freezing inside of you- then lips wrap around your clit, and you know for a fact that there’s a new person between your legs.

You reach blindly for the clown who’s now lapping at you, and your fingers glide through silky hair. When you tug gently, the person groans lewdly against your pussy, and you realize Mingyu’s given up on waiting.

Jeonghan doesn’t seem to mind though, as his fingers pick up their stroking of your gspot.

With two men between your thighs, a man in your mouth, and fingers still brushing past your breasts, you’re not sure where to focus.

The only thing you are sure of, is that you feel fantastic. 

“Come on Squeak,” Jeonghan’s voice invades your hazy thoughts. “You can cum for us- Gyu just wants a taste-”

You whine at his words, hips thrusting up to try to meet the face and hand working your pussy-

Joshua pulls out of your mouth suddenly, and you sputter a gasp, taking in a big gulp of air-

You’re man handled, propped up and told to “Watch them make you cum-”

So you do.

You whimper desperately, swiveling your hips as Jeonghan’s fingers quicken, brushing by the spot that has you trying to throw your head back-

“I said watch.”  

You force your lids open, and you’re eyes meet Mingyu’s, his tongue flicking at your clit while Jeonghan’s fingers work just under his mouth-

He looks so fucking needy- as desperate as you are, and it’s the final straw that throws you over, your pussy clamping down like a vice while waves of euphoria dazzle your body. 

“Fuck-” Jeonghan and Mingyu groan in unison, working you through your high- and the man with his fingers still pumping in and out of you is the one who announces “Squeak just squirted.”

When Jeonghan removes his hand from your core, Mingyu is quick to replace it, tongue pressing into your hole and going after you for all that you’re worth-

Just behind him, you see Seungcheol hand Jeonghan a condom, and another gush of arousal escapes you knowing you’re finally going to have something substantial in your pussy-

Joshua suddenly releases your shoulders, allowing you to fall flat to the hood again, your eyes widening in shock as you turn your questioning gaze up to the man still dressed as a psycho clown doctor.

“My turn.” 

Joshua guides his cock between your lips again.

You’re aware, as you begin to diligently suck on Joshua, that there’s yet another comotion between your legs. 

You know what’s coming, but it’s still something like a shock when a hand smooths by your thigh-

“If you need someone to stop while your mouth is full, tap twice,” - Seungcheol’s voice always captures your attention - “Got it, Squeak?”

You let out a groan, flashing a thumbs up that earns you a chorus of chuckles-

Then something hard is rubbing between your folds, and you brace yourself for the feeling of Jeonghan’s cock, which comes quickly thereafter, pushing into your wet hole.

“Fuck-” the man burried in your pussy lets out a strangled laugh, giving a test thrust as he coos the words “So fucking good-”

It feels crazy to have one of your friends in your mouth and the other in your core- but could something as good as this ever really be crazy?

“Squeak is so good, Josh is gonna cum just from her mouth.”

Wonwoo’s words make the man above you groan, cock pushing deeper with his next thrust, making your throat constrict around him, which earns an even louder sound of pleasure from above-

“She’s gonna love it when you cum, Josh,” Seungcheol adds, and you realize that they’re sort of taunting him. “Sad little cock whores always love cum- and we know Squeak is so eager to please.”

“Yeah she is,” Joshua grunts, hitting the back of your throat again- “Fuck, yeah- Yeah, I’m gonna cum.”

The man between your legs slows his thrusts, burying his cock inside of you while Joshua uses your mouth for his own release-

And when Joshua cums, you’re his good girl who swallows.

There are multiple sounds of appreciation from the men around you, and Joshua slips out from between your lips, looking down at you with an unreadable expression while he tucks himself back into his pants.

“Did you like that, Squeak?” he questions, adjusting the bloody lab coat he’s still wearing.

“Yes, doc- I loved it-” you whine, hardly able to even think as Jeonghan picks up his thrusts again-

There are a few snickers, and Wonwoo’s fingers brush by your breasts again. “Cute Squeak,” he breathes, “so deep in your head you’re calling Joshie doc-”

“She’d probably have called him daddy if he wasn’t in that stupid lab coat,” Seungcheol says, drawing your eyes to him. “Yeah, that’s right, baby, you thought you were being sly calling me oppa all these years, but I knew what was going on in that pretty little head of yours.”

“If you knew all this time-” you groan, words caught in your throat when Jeonghan’s thumb finds your clit- “then why didn’t any of you say anything-”

“Too many of us like you, Squeak,” Wonwoo tells you softly.

“This isn’t too many-” you protest-

“You’re cock drunk, Squeak. Been feeling horny for days now- you don’t know what you’re saying-” Seungcheol laughs. “This is definitely too many.”

“Nuh uh-” you shake your head, “please-”

“Please what?” Wonwoo prompts with interest.

“I want-” you lick your lips-

“Needs someone in that mouth of hers,” Seungcheol says for you.

Mingyu steps forward- 

Only for Seungcheol to grab him by the shoulder, “Not you.” 

Wonwoo and Seungcheol exchange a glance- 

Then Jeonghan is letting out a groan; “Fuck it, I’ll be in her mouth- bet it feels so good- dont want to cum in this condom anyways.” 

As soon as Jeonghan pulls out of your core, Mingyu is back on you, and you’re enthralled with the way he’s so eager to get to his knees- 

Your hands tangle in his hair and you relax back against the cool car hood, pushing your hips up to meet his wet tongue-

When Jeonghan is in position, you hang your head back again, opening your mouth and accepting your fate.

Jeonghan’s not as rough as Joshua, but he’s closer to cumming that Joshua had been when he started, so there’s a haste in his movements, and a whiney note to his voice when he praises you.

The tongue lapping at your folds is suddenly gone, and when a cock replaces it, you have no idea who is between your legs- 

Which only turns you on more.

The hands that caress by your thighs are familiar though, and you’re sure - by the way he enters you slowly - that the man fucking you now, is Wonwoo. 

“I want to take this off,” his voice confirms your suspicions and he tugs at the front of your corset, “but you’ll get cold-”

“Corset stays on.”

Seungcheol, the ever constant dom, stepping in to lay down rules-

Wonwoo doesn’t respond with anything more than an exasperated sigh, and then you feel him lean over your body, hot breath teasing the swell of your breasts as he rubs his face against you, inhaling deeply. 

“You always smell so pretty, Squeak,” Wonwoo notes, thrusting shallowly. “Even after a sad clown shift and having Joshie cum down your throat.”

“Fuck-” Jeonghan groans loudly, rutting into your mouth.

“You look pretty, too,” the man in your pussy continues, “our sad, stupid, little clown.” 

You can’t help the moan of exctacy that leaves you, skin tingling at the degradation- and the sound must go straight to Jeonghan’s cock because his movements falter, and he echoes your noise of pleasure, dick twitching-

“Keep sucking on Hannie, baby,” Wonwoo instructs, and then he’s gone from between your legs, Mingyu’s familiar tongue dipping into your heat a moment later before his lips latch to your clit-

You whimper desperately, thrashing against the two warm hands that pin your hips, and Jeonghan uses you for his release, thrusting while spurts of cum rope down your throat. 

It’s overwhelming to say the least- and you’re almost choking by the time Jeonghan pulls out of your mouth, but you swallow all the same, clearing your airway and taking a strangled gasp-

Mingyu’s mouth leaves your core and you let out a wail- only for it to turn to a squeak as Wonwoo fills you again-

Your vision is blurry, eyes teary with stimulation, and you peak out from under heavy lids at the sight between your legs.

Wonwoo is there, as you’d expected, and you note Mingyu still on his knees by Wonwoo’s right hip- he has one of your calves in his hands now, and he drags his lips against the fishnet, teasing at what skin he can reach-

“You close again, Squeak?” Wonwoo prompts with a quirked brow. “You look close.”

It’s the most you can do to manage a nod, pouting out your lip as if to say ‘please.’

“Can you cum without your clit being touched?” he asks, gaze dipping to watch as he fills you- in and out-

“I don’t-” you start to shake your head-

Wonwoo pulls out of you, and you’re in shock at the way he states “Don’t touch her clit, Gyu,” grabbing a fistful of his friend’s hair before guiding him to your core with as rough a hand as you’ve ever seen from him-

Had Wonwoo done this when Jeonghan came just a short while ago? 

Mingyu and Wonwoo are another pair of roommates-

And yet again, you should have fucking known better-

Not that their ability to work as a team is a bad thing- it’s just- 

You’ve squirted once already, and then you’d been on the edge when Jeonghan had cum- 

You’re not sure how many orgasms you can take, and you’re starting to realize Seungcheol may have been right when he said this is definitely too many people-

The thought is torn from you by the man between your legs. Mingyu’s tongue is big- like the rest of him you suppose- and it twists deliciously, tasting your walls, pressing as deep as he can go-

His nose brushes by your clit and you let out a squeak, coil in your stomach tightening-

“I told you not to touch her clit,” Wonwoo tugs Mingyu away from you, and you’re both left whining with unmet need-

“It was an accident,” Mingyu says, pouting as he’s pushed to the side so Wonwoo can fill you again.

“Too bad,” Wonwoo states. “You’ll get your turn in a second.”

The man - who’d spent a night tossing you around - easily captures your hips and tugs you towards him, hand finding the small of your back-

You know immediately what Wonwoo wants, and you throw your arms around his shoulders, smashing your lips to his while he ruts against you, the whole car rocking now-

His tongue invades your mouth, and for a moment you worry about the taste of his friends, but from the way Wonwoo growls and bites at your lip, you can tell he really doesn’t care. 

Each thrust has his cock hitting a spot that’s making your legs turn to jelly, and as your whines increase, Wonwoo’s thrusts get even harder, unil you’re breaking the kiss, allowing your sounds of pleasure to escape into the night air.

“That’s it,” Wonwoo’s breath is hot, fanning across your breasts before his hand finds your throat, forcing you flat against the hood of his car while the other hand slips between your legs, thumb pressing to your clit. “Come on, stupid little clown, cum for us.”

You feel tears of pleasure slip down your cheeks when you cum, orgasm exploding through you, hot and unrelenting.

Or maybe what’s unrelenting is Wonwoo, who also falls over the edge, the first of three to fuck your pussy to completion- 

and then keep fucking you-

Until you’re clawing at him, breathless, hands knotted up in the straps of his stupid assylum type straight jacket- 

Wonwoo doesn’t give you the satisfaction of finding his lips though; with a groan, he pulls off of you, stepping away to give a view to the two men still waiting.

Mingyu is practically bouncing at this point-

“You know what I think would be funny?” Jeonghan says, drawing eyes. “If Squeak tries to ride Mingyu.”

“She’s too tired,” Seungcheol is quick to defend you, scanning your form.

“Exactly- and look at Mingyu- if he had to bottom-” Jeonghan doesn’t even get a chance to finish his idea because Mingyu is shaking his head aggresively.

“No- nuh uh-” his desperate eyes shift to you, “Squeak wants to be filled, right? Come on- you’ll let me fill you properly, won’t you baby?”

Jeonghan can have his games, but you just want Mingyu, and you open your arms for him, letting out a whimpery, welcoming moan. 

Mingyu immediately begins fumbling with the stupid onesie clown costume he’s wearing, and a moment later, the whole thing is falling to the ground while his dick slaps up to his abdomen, causing the massive man to groan.

Joshua tosses Mingyu a condom, and you’re shocked that he’s able to catch it, tearing it open with his teeth before rolling the rubber inch after inch onto his length-

As Mingyu practically pounces on you, pushing your panties to the side so he can guide himself inside of your wet cunt, you find yourself looking at Seungcheol.

He’s been mostly quiet-

And you’re a little shocked that he’s going to be the last man you fuck out of your group of friends. 

Part of you had always sort of thought you might end up with Seungcheol one day, and you’re not sure what to make of his patience.

His expression is dark, and not just because of the clouds that have moved in front of the moon. 

His eyes are fixed on you, watching your expression as you give into the pleasure, whimpering and digging your nails into Mingyu’s shoulders while he finds a good pace-

“Jeonghan’s right,” Cheol says suddenly, a stubborn set to his jaw, “Squeak should ride him.”

“What?” both you and Mingyu ask in shock.

The other men just laugh, watching the interaction with amusement.

“I want to watch you ride him- do I have to repeat myself a third time?”

“Fuck-” Mingyu groans loudly, the first of the two of you to comply. 

Mingyu lifts you up and off the hood of the car with ease, only to do a ninety degree spin and flop back against the hood himself, earning a cuss from Wonwoo and a reminder not to dent anything-

You’re too busy sinking down on Mingyu to care much about Wonwoo’s restored impala, your gaze fixed on the beautiful man who’s now laying flat, skin glowing with a sheen of sweat, hands on your hips-

“Just like that-” Mingyu groans, eyes closing, head lolling back as you begin to bounce on him, your knees pressing against metal for leverage- “So good- so good-”

Your back is to the others now, and you’re aware that the tulle of your costume is covering most of the view in this position- but you’re also aware of the power of the visual-

You’re a sad, blue, crazy tulle clown, corset and all- riding one of the most beautiful men you know, on the hood of his best friends car, exposed to the cool night air, under the full moon of a Halloween night while four more men watch-

What could possibly be better than this?

You’re tired, Seungcheol had been right about that, but Mingyu’s still doing a lot of the work, his hips rutting up to meet you, his hands urging you to go up and down faster-

You lean back, resting your palms on Mingyu’s thighs while swiveling your hips, a moan of pleasure escaping you at the feeling of his large cock fitting so snuggly inside of your core-

Mingyu mirrors your sound, and then his hand is fumbling through your skirt, seeking out your clit-

Your core pulses with need as Mingyu rubs at your sensitive bud, and you swivel your hips harder-

“Fuck, you’re so tight-” Mingyu throws his head back again, rubbing at you harder-

“You’re so big-” you mewl back-

“I can’t-” Mingyu groans, brows pulled together in effort, “I-”

Then you’re rolling suddenly, back once more hitting the cold metal hood while Mingyu reclaims his top position, pistoning into you like a madman, hair tangled, his clown makeup more messy than anyone elses-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” Mingyu whines desperately. “Gonna cum with me, right?” His hand goes into the tulle again. “Please- cum with me-”

Your entire body tenses as the chord in your stomach snaps for a third time, nails digging into Mingyu’s bare shoulders-

His lips meet your frantically, all tongue and teeth and gasps of pleasure- 

He eats your sounds up, hips rutting wildly, working you both through orgasms that give you goosebumps-

And then, just like the others, Mingyu leaves you too soon-

Because there’s a final person on your roster, and he’s the one that no one really wants to make mad.

“Are you all going to just stand and watch?” Seungcheol asks, cutting through the thick tension as Mingyu pulls up his onesie and slumps against his truck, catching his breath.

“Definitly,” Jeonghan responds from where he’s sitting on the hood of his car, a beer in hand and a smile on his face.

“What? Like you’re shy?” Joshua scoffs from next to his roommate.

“You watch us, we watch you,” Wonwoo agrees with a nod and a sip of his beer.

“Oppa-” you whine, which immediately draws Seungcheol’s eyes. “I need-”

You make grabby hands, unable to move from your position on the hood of Wonwoo’s car. 

Words dont matter anymore, all that matters is getting Seungcheol to come and fuck you-

“Need more cock, Squeak?” Seungcheol laughs, approaching you to take up the spot between your legs, his hands gently rubbing from your knee down your thigh- “Four weren’t enough?”

“No, need yours too,” you state stubbornly, grabbing at the front of the clown onesie he’s wearing. “Off.” 

The frat president and part time chainsaw clown chuckles fondly, reaching up a hand to cup your face. 

“You’re really going to try to tell me what to do- looking the way you look right now?” he scoffs. “Cute.”

“Ok, then don’t fuck me,” you say, letting go of the fabric of his costume to lay back against the car, crossing your arms over your chest, “I’m sure Joshie and Hannie-”

“Joshie and Hannie,” Seungcheol echos, cutting you off with a shake of his head and a humourless laugh- then he grabs you by the chin, looking you in the eyes while growling “They had their turn, Squeak, it’s my time now.”

You swallow thickly, blinking at Cheol, who releases your face in favour of trailing his fingers down your body, toying with the corset briefly before dipping under the tulle to find your pussy.

Seungcheol lets out a pleased sound. “You are wet- your panties are soaked all the way through, you’re enjoying this a little too much, don’t you think?”

“No, daddy.” 

Seungcheol lets out a low groan, eyes flickering up to meet your own again. 

He takes a deep breath, and you watch his adam’s apple bob with effort when he swallows, clearing his throat. 

“I want to take my time with you, you silly little clown-” he admits fondly, “but daddy’s pent up from watching his friends get to enjoy you first.”

“So don’t take your time,” you suggest, reaching for his outfit again. “Be rough. Use me. Make me cum.”

“Don’t you care if I cum, Squeak?” he raises a brow.

“You will,” you assure him, “my pussy is magic- ask them.”

Seungcheol catches your hand as you wave it towards the others, and he catches your eye, giving a small shake to his head that tells you he’s fixed on ignoring his friends now.

“I’m not going to ask,” he tells you, “you’re gonna show me.”

“I am?” you cock your head in confusion.

“Yeah, you are,” he says, reaching behind his neck to undo the zipper of his onesie. 

You’re not sure exactly what he’s hoping for - you’re way too fucked out to be thinking coherently - so you slide your hand down to your pussy, fighting the tulle and pulling your panties to the side.

He’s right- you’re wet as fuck. 

Your fingers glide effortlessly past your clit, making you twitch as you dip them into your core-

Seungcheol’s watching you, pulling his onesie down, exposing his pretty chest-

When you curl your digits up, like Jeonghan had, your pussy makes that squelching sound again- a sound that used to make you embarrassed, but now- you see the effect it has-

Over Seungcheol’s shoulder, Joshua and Jeonghan lean in closer.

“Look daddy,” you coo breathlessly, working your fingers in and out gently, “I’m ready for you.” 

Seungcheol swallows before tugging his lip between his teeth, tearing open a condom package in his hands. “Yeah you are- fuck, you look so fucking perfect-”

“Then fuck me,” you whine, pouting like the sad, silly little clown you are.

His eyes meet yours briefly, and then one hand is cupping your thigh to his hip while the other guides his cock into you, making you both groan from the feeling of your wet core swallowing him up.

“Fuck-” Seungcheol groans. “You weren’t kidding about this magic pussy-”

“No daddy, I don’t kid,” you tell him, opening your arms, eager to have him closer-

Seungcheol lets out a small chuckle at the baby-esque way you’re talking, shaking his head before leaning over you, planting one hand on the hood of Wonwoo’s car for leverage while his lips meet yours. 

Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve been fucked by four people already and are just- insanely horny, or maybe it’s the fact that it’s Cheol- but when you kiss him, you go all in.

You get lost in the feeling of him; the feeling of his tongue, the feeling of his cock-

And then one of his hands finds your throat, applying pressure that gets you dizzy within seconds-

You whimper deleriously, suckling on Seungcheol’s bottom lip and rutting your hips, looking for more friction-

“Needy Squeaky,” Jeonghan’s laughter makes your heart race harder, especially when others join in.

“Never heard a girl make sounds like this-” Mingyu agrees, and his words carry a note of praise as opposed to the hint of degradation Jeonghan’s had. “This is so hot-”

Seungcheol releases your throat, and you greedily gasp for air, clawing at his shoulder-

“Gonna cum?” he asks, breaking the kiss to look down at you. “If you’re clawing at my back, it better be because you’re gonna cum.”

“Yes, I-” you nod, eyes closed, body overwhelmed by the feeling of pleasure-

“Really? You are? Just like that?” Seungcheol laughs. “Sad, silly, stupid little clown, cumming so fucking easy-”

“Yes- please-”

“You’re squeezing me like nothing else, Squeak-” Seungcheol groans, burying his face in your neck, his breath hot against your throat while his thrusts get rougher- “Gonna make daddy cum, yeah?”

“Yes-” you cry, “want you to cum so bad-” 

“You first,” Seungcheol pulls away from your neck, which is once more gripped by his strong hand, pressure- pressure-

“Fuck-” you claw at his forearm, eyes rolling into the back of your head- 

You’re so fucking close-

He releases your neck, and you’re flooded with lightheadedness, body short circuting, pussy clamping down on Seungcheol’s length.

“Yes, Squeak, just like that” Seungcheol growls, pressing his lips to yours to eat up your sounds while he mirrors you with groans of his own, hips faltering with effort-

“Please, please, please-” you hear yourself repeating over and over- but you’re not sure what you’re even begging for at this point.

You’re seriously lost in a pleasure fog that’s all encompassing, and the man fucking you is your only anchor back to reality.

He slowly pulls you back to Earth as his hips lose momentum, and you find yourself laying flat on the hood of Wonwoo’s car, trying to catch your breath, your eyes closed-

“Look at her,” Joshua’s voice feels distant.

“Not a single thought in that pretty little head of hers,” Jeonghan agrees. “Our sad, stupid, little, baby, squeaky clown.”

“You know,” Joshua sighs, “I always thought you had a things for smiley clowns- what’s with this whole sadness kink?”

“What can I say?” Jeonghan’s response is as nonchalant as ever; “Giving squeak something to cry about has changed me.”

You’re pretty sure it’s changed all of you, but as Seungcheol recollects himself, pulling out of your pussy with a grunt- you decide that’s a bridge to cross another night.

Right now, all you really need, is a nap. 

One of the last things you hear - as Wonwoo helps his roommate tuck you into his car - is Mingyu breathlessly noting “This was the best Halloween ever” and you couldn’t agree more.

☀️ mlist + an. thank you for reading! we’re all just clowns in the end anyways 

🍭 support me by. sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below! 

🔮 preview. after a night of clownery, you wake up in Seungcheol’s bed. 

cw/ tw. unprotected sex, choking, finger sucking, dirty talk, panty ripping, praise, degradation, etc... 

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 2.3k I teaser wc. 300

🌙 staring. Seungcheol x afab!Reader ;) 

bonus

You wake up in a familiar bed, your face buried in a pillow that smells like protection- like Seungcheol, and the memories of the night before hit you in hazy, lazy waves.

You shift under the duvet, and your muscles practically scream at you, causing you to release a groan of pained pleasure. 

“Good morning, silly, little clown.”

The deep voice sounds from behind you, and you flip around, coming face to face with the owner of the bed you’re currently in.

Seungcheol’s shirtless, on his side, head propped up in a hand- and he’s smiling the most fondest smile you’ve ever seen, eyes glowing with warmth- 

You have to break your gaze just to think coherent thoughts, and you let out another groan, burying under the duvet in an attempt to escape- 

Last night, you’d thought you could put off dealing with this- but you hadn’t expected to wake up in Seungcheol’s bed- hadn’t expected to pass out after getting fucked by five of your friends, only to be carried back to their frathouse-

“Cute, Squeak,” you hear Seungcheol sigh, his hands reaching out for you, pulling you to his chest even as you continue to wallow just out of sight, “acting all shy today.”

You let out an annoyed groan before popping your head out from under the covers, making you nearly nose to nose with the frat president. “I’m not shy, I’m just thinking.”

“Really? You’re thinking?” Seungcheol acts shocked. “You were such a babbling little mess of a clown last night after we fucked you-” his hand gently grabs your throat, thumb stroking your jugular, “part of me was worried you’d never recover.”

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#svthub #mingyu smut #wonwoo smut #seungcheol smut #jeonghan smut #joshua hong smut #svt smut #seventeen smut #scoups smut #kim mingyu smut #jeon wonwoo smut #choi seungcheol smut #yoon jeonghan smut #kim mingyu #jeon wonwoo #choi seungcheol #yoon jeonghan #svt #mingyu #wonwoo #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua hong

[tattooedcrow]

Kurootsukki IRL

Chapter 379 SPOILERS!

Tsukki: *Going home after a long day at the museum. Goes to his bedroom.*

Kuroo: *Lounging on the bed, wearing a “sexy” triceratops costume*

Tsukki:  ಠ_ಠ...

Kuroo: I’ll be your tricera-’top’. (･ω<)☆

Tsukki: ...

Kuroo’s cries of “I thought you loved dinosaurs” rang late into the night as he shivered forgotten and cold outside their shared apartment.

I had every intention of drawing a comic but that’s a lot of effort. 

#haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #Kuroo Tetsurou #tsukishima kei #Chapter 379 #haikyu #haikyuu #kurootsukki #kurotsuki #tsukki is a paleontologist #dreams do come true #love of dinos #triceratops #sexy dino costumes should be a thing

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1978

The X-Men, those take-me-to-the-ballgame mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 109 - 116) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Tony Dezuniga

Yes, the plan here is to toss Kurt at Magneto and yes, it’s objectively the best panel of 1978. (X-Men 113)

If the X-Men were a tv-show, the Phoenix mending the M’Kraan Crystal would probably have been the finale of season 1 of X-Men: the New Generation. Now that we’ve had this big finish, Claremont takes his time to sow new plot seeds and navigate his team of merry mutants in new directions. Compared to 1977, 1978 is a lot more laid back, with smaller arcs and more character moments.

Take the first two issues of the year, for example. The victorious X-Men come home from their space capers and for a moment, all is well. Ororo is a plant mommy, Kurt is a grade-A cutey and Jean comes out to her parents as the Phoenix. (Intrigued? Read more here.) And, because Moira going back home to Scotland, the X-Men say goodbye to her through… a baseball game! (Which, I guess if you’re comic book character bound by the comic book code, is the next best thing to just getting drunk together.)

It’s all very straight-edge wholesome.

Lilandra is very absent: I’m assuming she is sleeping off the space jetlag somewhere. idk

Sure, there’s still a few action-packed B-plots: a fight scene is mandatory in a comic book, after all. Weapon Alpha tries to claim Wolverine in the name of the Canadian government and some nobody named Warhawk sneaks into the mansion as a phone repairman to rig the Danger Room into a Death Trap.

(Look, you have a danger room. Why are you calling phone repairmen? During breakfast, did Charles go around the table, asking anyone if they wanted to fix the phone and everyone was like “nnnnnno, I am le tired”.)

Anyway, how would you unwind after a baseball game? Scott has an awesome idea! (I'm betting Scott would have embraced the Comics Code.)

This is the one issue not drawn by John Byrne this year. Dezuniga does a fine enough job, but Jean using her powers looks like she’s barfing psy-energy all over the place. (X-Men 110)

Warhawk traps the rest of the X-Men in the Danger Room. Wolverine gets a moment to shine as the team’s rogue, finally getting a win after getting knocked on his ass lately. Also, Kurt calls Warhawk Krieghabicht. (Hee.) Jean, meanwhile, is startled because despite her phenomenal powers, she was taken out so easily. She makes the formal choice to rejoin the X-Men.

And the next time we see them… THE X-MEN HAVE VANISHED? (yes, i know this sentence contradicts itself, shut up)

We find Beast at a circus in Texas, investigating their disappearance while on a sabbatical from the Avengers. See, Lorna called him because Havok was kidnapped in Scotland and the X-Men did not pick up, so she called good ole Hank McCoy. We know Charles is honeymooning with Lilandra, so where are the X-Men?

Cerebro leads Hank to a circus and, dude, for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, you draw the conclusion that these are the brainwashed X-Men way too slowly.

I by no means wish to belittle Storm’s situation, but Wolverine is in equally skimpy clothing while chained the fuck up, Beast. Can’t spare a little sympathy for him? (X-Men 111)

Beast continues being the worst detective mutantkind has ever known: even Jean, who’s currently a cigarette smoking trapeze artist named Miz Destiny, barely convinces him that these are the X-Men. When Beast finally confronts the Ring Leader, it turns out to be… Mesmero!

This pose: appropriate for a super villain or suitable for a Harlequin novel cover? Especially with all this talk about enthralling? (X-Men 112)

Apparently Mesmero doesn’t give a fuck that half these X-Men aren’t the same X-Men that fought him before. Revenge is a dish best served cold and to the wrong table, apparently. Beast fighting ole Messy causes Wolverine to spring free from his hypnotic influence. Wolvie proceeds to slap Jean out of it (literally) and they free the rest of the X-Men. But when they come and confront Mesmero in his little circus wagon, their villain is knocked out…

By Magneto.

dun dun DUN

Magneto proceeds to kidnap them, like this:

Magneto, who has no patience for narrative baggage, also yeets out Mesmero over the Andes, no big deal (X-Men 112)

Just like Mesmero, Magneto wants misplaced revenge. Instead of exacting vengeance on Charles, Moira and the Defenders involved in (literally) infantilizing him - no, seriously, he was a baby - Magneto comes for these All-New X-Men. (Look, logic has never been one of Magneto’s super powers.)

He takes the X-Men to his secret base below the South Pole, tucked away under a literal volcano. (He really should be on the tourist board for Amazing Antarctica, this is his third base there.) The X-Men, after they have safely landed, attack him, but they are tossed around like rag dolls, falling one by one - even the Phoenix.

Jean does have the right idea, though: it’s my theory that the key to defeating Magneto is being equally dramatic and hammy. (X-Men 112)

Somewhere on a cruise ship, Charles loses contact with the X-Men and proceeds to do absolutely nothing about it. Damn, but Elizabeth Taylor Lilandra must have some pretty choice moves in bed.

YOU COULD TRY FINDING OUT, CHARLES. (X-Men 113)

When the X-Men wake up, they're bound by Nanny, a robotic… uh, nanny! And Magneto unveils his revenge: he has scrambled the X-Men’s brains: they are fully conscious, but are trapped, powerlessly in their bodies, which won’t follow the instructions of their brains. It’s as if they’re the minds of adults, trapped in the bodies of infants - just like Magneto was. (He does not succumb to an evil laughter, but he’s definitely drifting into Evil Overlord territory.)

Look, a lot of this is very silly. Magneto hasn’t really been codified by Claremont yet: he’s still very much the sixties super villain and he doesn’t have his Holocaust-past yet. His motivations don’t make much sense: it’s never made clear why he needs the base, for example, or why he doesn’t just kill the X-Men. And yet, he seems more menacing than he used to be. Might be because these X-Men actually have a hard time beating him.

A lot of this era works like that. There’s the occasionally very silly trappings of a superhero comic, but there’s also glimmers of exceptional writing. Take the following scene, for example, which I’ll just include in its entirety, because fuck it. Storm is trying to break free, on the flimsy premise that she was a highly advanced baby who had the motor skills of a toddler. (I’ve met babies. They basically eat, sleep and poop. They can’t really do this.) And yet? This scene kind of works.

Like, the fact that this scene works despite the fact that Magneto thought to give his Nanny-robot a sixties copper bob-cut and a aluminium French maid headpiece is a testament to effective writing. (Also to Magneto’s attention to detail.) (X-Men 113)

No worries, Storm succeeds the second time she attempts this.

Together, the now free team manages to almost defeat Magneto, but Phoenix grows a little too zealous, destroying precious machinery. It proves to be their undoing: the roof to the base cracks open, letting lava in. Things grow dire and Magneto gets the nope out of there.

The lava turns on the heat and the team gets split up. Phoenix escapes together with Beast, and they both collapse into the freezing snow in the Arctic. A helicopter saves them, but what about the rest of the team? Are they dead?!

They’re dead enough for Professor X, and I really have questions about the effectiveness of Cerebro. After a brief mourning period, Beast rejoins the Avengers. But what really happened to the X-Men? Well, they fled into the Savage Land!

So, are we getting a sexy costume change with every new locale and/or story arc? What is this, Charmed? (X-Men 114)

The Savage Land plot is… kind of messy and confusing? First, Storm is attacked by Sauron (yay!) and he even hypnotizes Wolverine and uses his love for Jean against him (ew!), but as soon as Karl Lykos gains control again (boo!), he explains how he

Did not fall to his death;

Is suppressing his pterodactyl side (ain’t we all);

allied himself with the Savage Landers.

Then Ka-Zar, Marvel´s discount!Tarzan, explains how someone named Zaladane transformed a hapless innocent into Garruk, the Petrified Man, who is some sort of… living god? Who stopped some sort of interdimensional invasion by mending some sort of… portal rift? And then he set up shop in the swamp and built some sort of futuristic city? And he wants to enslave all of the natives of the Savage Land? And he built his city on the geothermal fissure that heats the Savage Land, so now the jungle is being choked out by snowy tundra?

Such a mess. And I know Zaladane gets important later, but, ugh, the socio-political tensions in the Savage Land is generally not what I’m here for.

One of the few Savage Land scenes I do like is also messy, but the emotional kind of messy. See, the X-Men on their part believe Jean and Hank are dead, and Scott takes it rather… lightly? When Storm confronts him about it, he confesses he does not mourn Jean as much as he thought he would, as if she were a different woman ever since they crash-landed the shuttle. Storm rejects this confession, always solidly in Jean’s camp, and basically tells Scott to man up. Scott has a point: Jean has changed and it’s not like people have fallen out of love for less, but there’s something to be said for Storm’s firm “for better or for worse”-argument. The scene ends unresolved, and I like that.

Anyway, there’s some X-Men fighting dinos and flying lizards, so there’s at least that. Oh, and Colossus develops a suddenly intense bond with a Savage Lander with a mohawk, which is a detail that becomes important later. Another significant detail?

There’s a lot of weight to that snikt, bub. (X-Men 116)

The implication is that Wolverine simply kills the guy in cold-blood. It’s a little weird that both Storm and Kurt are so okay with this, especially because Storm tries to save Garruk later. This, however, also marks an important direction in which they’re taking Wolverine, becoming the most ruthless of the X-Men.

In the end, Cyclops blasts the foundations of the citadel to smithereens, solving everyone’s problems and putting a neat bow on this tangled plotline. Also, all of a sudden? The X-Men are monthly again! (yay!) And they’ve upgraded from All-New, All-Different to Uncanny on the cover, though the name of the comic won’t officially change until issue 142.

Best new character: Like Hell I’m giving this to Weapon Alpha! So instead, it’s going to the two stylish, mohawked ladies who “show the island” to Piotr. (Again. They’ll be relevant later. Sort of.)

What to read: X-Men 109, for the denouement of the Phoenix Saga (or the first part thereof). The rest is rather inconsequential.

#x-men #x-men abridged #abridged x-men #cyclops #phoenix #storm #banshee #colossus #nightcrawler #professor x #lilandra neramani #Tony Dezuniga #chris claremont #john byrne #magneto #mesmero #sauron #savage land #moira mactaggart #warhawk

[surejess-arc]

who: @pseudogastronomy​​ what: committing war halloween crimes where: a police station.

jess had a lot to make up for. with twelve years of absence from the real world ( that she liked pretending had never existed ), that meant... twelve missed halloweens. and most of the neighborhoods she managed to run across ? why, they were doing an excellent job at celebrating the holiday ! spooky versions of those things you see at car lots, little fake graves ( or were they ! ), and pumpkins to boot ! even the apartment complexes had their little pumpkins hanging out -- see, everyone was truly in the spirit ! and, boy, if there was one thing she could do, it was fit in on halloween -- just look like she bought a sexy clown costume from spirit halloween !

but there was one particular halloween grinch that she simply could not stop thinking about. they didn’t have any decorations -- not a single pumpkin -- nor any signs that they planned on... anything for the holiday ! so, naturally, she had to take it upon herself to add some pizzazz. with a purchase of somewhere over four pumpkins and true professionalism at carving them, she would show them the spirit ! offer it to them herself ! geez, the only person better suited would be a ghost !

but apparently you’re not ‘legally allowed’ to ‘break into someone’s home,’ even if it was to provide some decoration ! apparently they were ‘home’ and ‘terrified’ and thought someone was going to ‘kill them’ -- and she should have ! but, geez louise, then she would’ve just been in the clink for even longer. probably no bail. and, sure, she could bomb an escape, but then she’d probably be on america’s most wanted list and, really ? who wanted to deal with that ?

when offered her one phone call ( because that is definitely a thing that happens in real life and not just media ), a slew of people ran through her mind ! there were the other escapees -- namely jack -- but, they were all probably super busy ! there was that little dino guy... did he have money ? in the end, she cupped her hand and generated a card with someone’s name on it. the answer was unexpected, but... accepted: donghoon park.

dialing the number as best as she could recall it, the second a voice was heard on the other end, she said, “ so i carved some pumpkins, which is apparently ‘illegal’ -- what’s your stance on paying bail ? ”

#interactions ! #interactions || donghoon ! #interactions || donghoon 1 ! #i wld like 2 thank ''man breaks into strangers' home to decorate for christmas'' for this one.

[adrenaline-roulette]

Hallow-Queen (Joe)

I wrote three Hallow themed one shots back in October for the Boh Rhap cast (There was supposed to be a fourth, but unfortunately some things came up, and I was unable to write it. Maybe this Halloween I’ll finally get it done!?)

Anyways, there is a fic for Joe, Ben and Gwil

First up will be everyone’s favourite Dino boi! Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

The monster mash filled the bathroom as you got ready for the evening, your poor spotify algorithm will be so confused after tonight. You go for months listening only to the hits of the 80’s, and then suddenly, monster mash, and the Addams family theme are on loop! That however did not stop you from grooving along to the song, moving your hips to the beat and bobbing your head. You could hear Joe downstairs, setting everything up for the party he had organised at the last minute. Joe had sent a group text to the BohRhap cast, demanding everyone be free for Halloween. This, of course had been met with a rather loud outcry. Rami and Lucy had already made plans, Gwil was travelling to Wales to see his brother, and Ben well, Ben was free and had accepted immediately. Up until two days ago, it had been planned for just you, Joe and Ben to have a quite night together, watching scary movies, and pigging out on pizza. That is, until Joe had received a message from Gwil, his brother had come down with the flu, and didn’t want to pass it on to him. Your party now consisted of four. Next came a message from Lucy, “Okay, this is crazy, I haven’t seen you in months! Tell Joe that Rami and I will be there this weekend! (Don’t mention anything to Rami please, I’ve still got to figure out how to tell him…)”

With six confirmed people, you had taken it upon yourself to invite a few extra people, work mates, old school friends, and the castmates of Joe’s current project. As far as Joe knew, there were only going to be four of you in attendance tonight, yet somehow the extra bags of crisps, candy, and drinks hadn’t clued him in on the fact that there would be a lot more people in your house tonight. The doorbell rang downstairs, and you pause your music listening out for Joe as he shuffles around the floor below.  There’s the faint mumbling of voices, though they’re too quiet for you to pick up on who had arrived. Your phone ‘dings’ on the bathroom counter, and you turn your attention to it, a message from Ben illuminating the lock screen. “How long am I keeping Joe occupied for?”

You had a rather special surprise instore for Joe tonight, but to execute it properly, you needed Joe to give you some space for a little while. Ben had been more than willing to help out, offering to keep Joe away from you and the bathroom for as long as you required. “Just need 20 mins.” You send back just as the doorbell rings again. If you had planned everything correctly, everyone would arrive at roughly the same time, which meant Joe would be busy greeting all his unexpected guests. Turning back to face the mirror, you grin at your reflection, time for the piece de resistance! Carefully, you step into the legs of the suit you had chosen to wear, shimmying the material up to your hips. The suit is incredibly baggy on you, and it only becomes more noticeable as you shrug the outfit over your shoulders, but that was all about to change.

                                                                  *****************

“What the hell is that noise?” Joe asks, turning his attention to Ben beside him, who paused as he went to open a beer. A loud ‘whirring’ noise seemed to echo around the entire apartment, Ben had a suspicion as to who the cause of the noise was, but had promised not to say a word.

Instead, Ben simply shrugs, popping the cap off his beer and taking a swig. “No idea sorry.” Joe squints at the blonde, but says nothing more on the topic, his eyes traveling over the costume his best mate had opted to wear. “Ben, mate, I’ve gotta ask. What are you wearing?” He waves his hand in the general direction of Ben’s costume, which consisted of a lime green skirt with purple flowers, salmon coloured tank top, and black boots.

Ben looks rather outraged at Joe’s obliviousness to his costume. “I’m sexy Patrick Star you uncultured swine!” He cries out, folding his arms across his chest, glaring at Joe. “What about you? You’ve barely put any effort in at all!”

Joe looks down at himself pouting at the blonde. “What do you mean? I’m in costume too!”

“It doesn’t count if you dress as your own character!”

Now that was something Joe hadn’t considered, he hadn’t even run his costume by with you, he just assumed that what he had decided to wear would be fine! He had on his baseball outfit from undrafted, lucky number 15 for Pat Murray. Looking at the slightly faded red shirt now however, Joe realised it was perhaps a somewhat lazy costume choice, he had just been so excited to still be able to fit into it! He never stopped to think, should he wear it? “At least my ass looks good in these pants.”

Ben can’t help but chuckle, shaking his head slowly. “Well, you’re not wrong.” A grin is plastered to Joe’s lips, as he gazes around the kitchen. Clearly you had been up to something, as there were currently at least fifteen people milling around the apartment, none of which he had invited, not that they were any less welcome though.

“No fucking way!” Joe screeches, as he looks over to the front door. It had been left open, allowing the warm night air flow into the apartment, also to stop people from constantly ringing the doorbell, allowing the guests to just walk right on in. Ben casts his glance towards the door also, an identical look of glee on his face also. “RAMI! LUCY!”

The sheer volume of Joe’s voice carries over the small crowd of guests, and the two people of his calling turn to look at him, only to find the man in question jumping up and down like a child on Christmas, waving his hands in the air. Ben looks almost embarrassed to be stood beside him, though he would never leave his side, especially seeing as the only other people who he knew at the party, were headed straight for him now. The ever impeccably dressed couple, now stood with them, dressed as Jack and Sally from the nightmare before Christmas. It was a classic costume, but they both pulled the look off so well! “What the hell are you two doing here?” Joe grins, as he wraps his arms around Lucy, then Rami in a tight, welcoming hug.

“You know, I would love to know the answer to that also Joe. Lucy, perhaps you could shed some light on the situation?” Rami smirks, wrapping an arm around the blonde bombshell.

Ben raises a quizzical eyebrow at Lucy, while she shies away from the interrogation she was currently facing. “Maybe, I accidentally typed in the wrong address when booking our uber?” She offers in explanation, though it’s obvious that even she doesn’t believe her own lie.

“Did Y/N have something to do with it?” Joe laughs, swiping a beer off the table for himself.

“I’m pretty sure Y/N had something to do with this entire party. You just weren’t told.” Ben offers quietly. Joe nods in agreement, there was no denying you had created this party, even if Joe had thought he was the one planning the whole thing.

The front door continues to swing open and closed, allowing more and more people inside, the dull mumble of conversation rising to one of a low roar. A tall shadow looms over the small group, who had migrated into the sitting room, Rami was scrolling through Joe’s phone, creating a playlist for the night, while Lucy, Ben and Joe discussed their latest projects. “Looks like our mission from God was a success. We’ve gotten the band back together.” The deep voice of Gwilym is one that cannot go unrecognised, and the small group all turn to face him. The Brit was dressed as Indiana Jones, complete with a whip from a children’s costume of the adventurer, and a brown sable fedora.

                                                                  *****************

You switch the air pump off, turning to face the mirror once more, a broad grin covering your concealed face. “Joe is going to love this!” You chuckle to yourself, moving to exit the bathroom. Your walk is a slow, lumbering one, your oversized costume causing you to take short steps, as apposed to the long strides you usually took. You left your phone on the bathroom counter, having realised you had no way of picking it up and storing it on your person, now you had your costume fully applied. As you exit the bathroom, the soft notes of the time warp, melt into those of the much louder all star, the smash mouth hit blaring through the speakers on the floor below. “Stairs, okay, we can do stairs. This is fine, I am fine...”

At no point during the costume planning process had you considered the need to travel downstairs, and now here you stood, trying to gauge what the best way to tackle your descend. To say it was a slow process down would be an understatement, as you neared the bottom, a few guests stopped to look at your larger than life costume, attempting to peer in and see who had donned such an outrageous outfit. However they soon gave up, when you took too long to reach them. You could hardly blame them for walking away, by the time you got off the stairs, it had taken you close to seven minutes! You wouldn’t wait for you either.

You scan over the crowd, costumed people milling around your apartment drinking and eating, a few dancing along to the music that filled every crevice of the small home. Finally, you spot the people you had been looking for, your small band of misfits who had taken up one of the sofa’s in the sitting room. Somehow Ben, Lucy, Gwil and Rami had managed to sit themselves of the two-seater, leaving Joe sat cross legged on the carpet beside them. Moving closer, Ben is the first to spot you, not that you had expected anything else, he was the only one who knew what your costume was, in all honesty, he had been keeping an eye out for you all evening. Your shadow looms over Joe, who frowns slightly at what he would deem, as a rude intrusion into his personal space. “Hey mate, I think one of your guests needs a hand.” Ben smirks, raising an eyebrow in your general direction.

                                                                  *****************

Joe looks up at Ben, his neck straining from having to continuously tilt his head back at an awkward angle to see his friends. He pushes himself up from the floor, adjusting his now lopsided baseball cap, before pivoting on the spot, only to come face to face with an inflatable T-Rex. The grin which takes over his face, is one you had been praying you would see tonight, and it only cements the fact, that you had worn the perfect costume. Sure it would likely never be worn again, you couldn’t think of a time where you would require a T-Rex costume, and you could almost guarantee that after tonight, it would be folded back into the amazon box it had arrived in, then shoved under your bed, never to see the light of day again. But just for this moment, the look on Joe’s face, made it all entirely worth it!

“Y/N that had better be you under there. Or I’m about to profess my love for a complete stranger.” He chuckles, the grin never wavering from his cheeks, as he looks past the mesh below the dinosaur’s head, searching for a face he could recognise.

You shake your head from side to side, the dinosaur’s head moving erratically as you do so. “Of course it’s me! Honestly, who else would do something like this?” You laugh, as Joe wraps his arms around you, hugging as best he can through the thick layer of inflated costume.

“Bugger me I love you.” He breaths out softly before he whirls around on the spot, one arm remaining wrapped around you, causing you to stumble forward with him. “Benjamin! Did you know about this?” Joe cries, mock hurt flashing through his hazel eyes.

Ben simply shrugs, downing the last of his beer, before leaning forwards and placing the empty bottle on the coffee table. “Don’t yell at Ben! If it hadn’t of been for him, this whole thing would’ve been ruined with your snooping!” You laugh in your friend’s defence.

Joe turns to look at you, mouth agape at your outcry. “What do you mean, my snooping?”

You roll your eyes, though quickly speak up, having forgotten no one can see your face terribly well. “Oh come off it Joe, you know as well as I do that if you get a hunch something is going on, then you do everything in your power to get to the bottom of it!”

“I do not!”

This time, there is a chorus of people agreeing with you, and Joe now turns to the group who he had only moments ago been sitting with. “Ben, I expected this from you. But the rest of you? I expected better!”

“Oh Joe, we love you, But Y/N is right. You remember Christmas last year, when you thought Gwil had you for secret Santa? You wouldn’t let it go for weeks! Not until you finally got you present, only to find out Rami had had you!” Lucy grins, shaking her head softly. Joe has the decency to look somewhat embarrassed.

“You followed me home one night after filming! It was bloody terrifying!” Gwil chuckles, crossing one leg over the other. “I nearly called the police, I thought someone was about to rob me, until I realised it was you lurking by the front door!”

You can’t help but laugh at this, as Rami turns to look at Gwil in shock. “I’m sorry, Joseph did what now?” Joe fumbles with his words as he attempts to explain himself, as Gwil simply laughs loudly, unable to form words to explain the situation to Rami. You remember that discussion quite well with Joe.

                                                                  *****************

It was close the four in the morning when you heard the front door creak open, you had been napping on the sofa, the show you had been binge watching on Netflix long since finished. But Joe had promised he would be home at a reasonable hour tonight, so you had decided to stay up and wait for him. This, however, was not what you considered a reasonable time! And from the way he had been talking when you spoke on the phone earlier in the day, he was expecting to be home just after midnight.

 “Hey babe.” He smiled, toeing off his shoes at the front door, and hanging his coat up on the hook by the door. You frown over at him, peering over the back of the sofa, sleep clouding you vision momentarily.

 “Where have you been?” You sigh, on any other night, you would likely get into an argument over his late arrival. But you were too tired for that right now, and quietly you were just glad that he was home now.

Joe has the decency to look somewhat guilty, as he moves around the apartment, settling down on the sofa beside you. He lifts your legs for a few moments, before lowering them back down, now resting over his lap. “I’m sorry Y/N. I had a few errands to run. I guess I lost track of time.”

“Errands at three in the morning?” Joe goes still, and you can see the cogs turning in his mind as he tries to think up an excuse. “Out with is Mazzello.”

Joe pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index fingers, his eyes squeezing shut tightly. “I, um, followed Gwil home.” He mumbles.

You’re at a loss for words, and blink steadily at the ginger beside you. You had met Gwilym only a handful of times, he was such a gentleman! And for the life of you, you couldn’t understand why Joe had felt the need to follow the man home. “Expand and explain.”

“You know how the cast and I are all doing secret Santa this year?” Joe pauses, and looks over to you, watching as you nod in understanding before he continued. “Well, Rami kept asking me about things that I liked, and what I would perhaps want for Christmas. At first I thought nothing of it, but then I saw him and Gwil whispering to each other, and they kept looking over at me when I was grabbing a coffeein between takes. I put two and two together, and figured Rami was collecting information for Gwil! I asked around, tried to find out if anyone knew who had me, but either no one knew, or they refused to tell me. So I decided to take things into my own hands! We finished up for the night, and I decided to follow Gwil, to try and confirm my suspicions. He went to a department store, and I followed him as best I could, but I couldn’t see what he purchased, there were too many people around. So I realised I just had to follow him home, and see if I could catch what I was wrapping. And well, that’s kinda what I did. Problem is, he caught me lurking around the place, swung the door open, demanded I come inside, and proceeded to give me the lecture of a lifetime.” Joe finishes looking like a kicked puppy.

You can barely contain your laughter, and if it were to be told by anyone else, you would say they were lying. But you knew Joe, and this was exactly the kind of thing he would do! “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that right? The whole point of secret Santa is right there in the name, it’s supposed to be a secret!”

“Yes, I know that! But I just had to know if he did have me!”

“And, the verdict was?”

“I still don’t god damned know! I couldn’t see what the gift was when he wrapped it, and he refused to tell me!”

You shake your head, sighing deeply, it was a good thing you lived this man, otherwise you would be on the verge of sending him to a psychiatric ward. “Bloody hell Joe, I’m going to bed before you tell me anymore.”

                                                                  *****************

As you stand with your rag-tag group of friends, you make a note of the one flaw in your costume, you have no way of eating or drinking whilst wearing it. A pout forms on your lips, as you join in with a conversation Lucy had sprung up with Ben. After a while, you excuse yourself “I’d best go play hostess to the rest of the guests.” You say with a grin, stepping away from the group.

“We all know we are the best guests here!” Rami calls, giving you a double thumbs up as you walk away.

You grin, shaking your head softly as you move around the large number of guests. It seemed like most people had taken the option of bringing a plus one, not that you could blame them. You often did the exact same thing, dragging Joe along to most social gatherings you were invited to. Slowly, you made your way around to everyone, making polite conversation with the guests you didn’t know well, and speaking enthusiastically about your costume with those you did know. By the time you had made the rounds a few times, you were hungry, and honestly really frustrated about not being able to eat. You made your way over to Joe, attempting to be subtle as you slide into the conversation he was engrossed in, Gwil talking animatedly with him about his latest project. “Hey babe, could I borrow you for a few minutes?” You ask softly.

Joe turns away to look at you, smiling at you, leaning down to hear you over the loud noise of the party. “Sure love, let’s go somewhere quiet so I can actually hear you?” He grins, before leading you away, towards the laundry. It was a rather small room, and was barely more quiet than where you had just been, but you were thankful for not having to manoeuvre the stairs once again. It was one thing to go down, and you wouldn’t know where to begin with how to go up. “What’s up?” Joe grin, leaning back against the washing machine, arms folded loosely over his chest.

“Can you give me a hand getting out of this?” You laugh, gesturing as best you can with you tiny T-Rex arms, at the costume you were surrounded by. “It was a bitch of a thing to get on, and I don’t even know where to start with taking it off.”

Joe grins, though moves to you quickly, helping you out of the outfit with ease. Perhaps you should’ve asked for some help getting it on also? That probably would’ve been a good idea… Joe places the sad looking T-Rex in the corner of the laundry, grinning across at you. “Now who are you supposed to be?” He chuckles, taking in your now lack of costume.

You look down at your yoga pants and shirt combo. “I’m a Jurassic Park fan still, can’t you tell?” You smirk, pointing to the faded Jurassic Park logo shirt, which you had long ago stolen from Joe. “I’ve got a soft spot for ‘lil Tim Murphy. He was my first movie crush.” You giggle.

Joe sighs, rolling his eyes at you, though a smirk tugs the corner of his lips. “How about a soft spot for Pat Murray too?” He suggests wriggling his eyebrows at you suggestively. You walk over to him slowly, rolling your hips as you do so, watching as his eyes travel from yours, and down to your hips. You stand up tall, taking the dusty cap off his head, planting it firmly on your own. His hair is an absolute mess underneath, his auburn locks pointing in all directions.

“Perhaps I just have a soft spot for that actor in general?” You tease, before making your way out of the laundry, and back to the party. You don’t wait for Joe, making your way over to your group once more, throwing yourself onto the sofa with an “Ooof.” Ben barely had a chance to get out of the way before you land partially on him, and Lucy grins at you from where she sits on the arm of the sofa.

“Someone pass me something alcoholic in nature please.” You grin, as you make yourself comfortable, sinking into the cushions. You don’t have to as twice, a glass of what you assume is rum and coke, thrust into your hands from Rami. “Cheers!” You grin, raising your glass in the air, before tipping the contents back.

You quickly fall into conversation with Ben, thanking him over and over again for keeping Joe distracted earlier in the evening, to which he brushes you off, telling you to not worry about it. Completely unaware, that when he brings up the promotion you recently got at work, that perhaps he was now keeping you distracted. Joe had reappeared recently, sitting on the opposite side of you, with a bowl of hula hoops in his lap. Carefully, he takes your left hand, and places one of the snacks on your ring finger, a soft blush covering his cheeks. “Thank you Joe, I am starving!” You grin, eating the food off your finger.

You’re oblivious to what he’s getting at, paying no mind to which finger he continues placing the crisp on, and instead, eating it off each time a new one appears. Joe looks at Ben over you shoulder, who simply shrugs in response, unsure what either could do about it. “Babe, could I maybe have more than one at a time?” You ask sweetly, and Joe looks physically pained.

Lucy, who had been watching the events unfold before her, had cottoned on to what was going on early in the piece, and decided to jump to Joe’s aid. “Y/N darling, just take a second and look at your hand yeah?”

You frown slightly at her, before turning away from Joe, looking down at your hand. “What’s so special about? Oh….” Perhaps it shouldn’t have taken you this long to figure out what was going on. The hula hoop sat just above your first knuckle on your ring finger.

“Um, I know this isn’t how one normally does the whole, proposal thing. But we haven’t gone out looking at rings before, and I don’t know was your ring size is… So I’m kinda hoping this will do for the time being? As a place holder kind of thing?” Joe rambles, the blush creeping steadily up to the tips of his ears.

“Joseph, I’ll marry you with or without a ring.” You grin, throwing your arms around his neck, as his snake around your waist, your lips pressing together in a fierce kiss. A kiss full of promises of the future.

“Jeez, I don’t know how we’ll upstage Halloween next year.” Gwil smirks, as he and the other guests who were aware of the happenings clapped for the newly engaged couple.

My Masterlist

#joe mazzelo x reader #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello fanfic #bohemian rhapsody cast #BohRhap fanfic #funny #humour #sweet #love #romance #the gang is back together #Sexy Patrick star #Pat Murray #jurassic park #geek #nerd #halloween costumes #nerdy reader #gwilym lee #ben hardy #rami malik #lucy boynton #Joe stalks Gwil #Perhaps someone proposes???? #But like not in a conventional way... #mild language #You have literally the best costume #Joe has literally the laziest costume

[darkmasterkattsvault-arc]

Katie McGrath Sentence Starters Pt1

these are literally just things Katie McGrath has said. i don’t know. i needed them. some may be in character quotes but most will be just stuff Katie has said. a lot of these are probably gonna be from the stream she did with samwitwer on twitch cos the best 2 hours of my life.

“ cunt off motherfucker! “

“ a six inch waist and boobs that defy gravity. “

“ i don’t think my skill level runs to that. “

“ it has love. it has a monkey. “

“ he was probably a good monkey to begin with. “

“ you gonna play this game or you just gonna run around as Indiana Jones? ”

“ it’s okay, I remember the nineties. “

“ i haven’t gone back because i’m afraid of what it will do to me. “

*gasps* “ that was... not the stupidest idea. “

“ craic is only mighty.”

“ are we dead? “

“ you get to dress up and eat your weight in candy. “

“ no. i’m a grown up. of course i don’t do that. “

“ get drunk on my own with a lot of sugar. “

“ i get drunk in company with sugar... in a costume. “

“ yeah, we’re being invaded by zombies. “

“ cat zombies. “

“ i don’t know what dino nuggets are. “

“ you should always do things you’re afraid of. “

“ i’m here to enjoy Madame’s outrageous orations. “

“ i’m here to fix the lights. “

“ let me in, you Darwinian nightmare. “

“ ‘i shouldn’t exaggerate. but she’s great with fiction.’ is she an author? “

“ thank you for digging my bow. my mum gave it to me. “

“ it’s a matter of life and Nazis. “

“ i wanna pull all of the buttons. “

“ sassy, intelligent, and sexy. “

“ it’s almost like i do this for a living. “

“ it’s been many years and i’m still trying to figure this out. “

“ ask ze Google. “

“ you were nearly right. that’s impressive. “

“ push the button! always push the button!” 

“ the bridge is gone! no. “

“ he obviously had a nickel. “

“ i was all a giggle. “

“ is there gonna be computer game porn here? “

“ no, no, aliens are our friends. “

“ more time for books. “

#sentence starters #ask memes #rp memes #rp meme #ask meme #memes

[welovekpopscenarios]

From Vanilla to Kinky ( Dino x Reader)

Admin: Candi Request: “!Hi! I love your writings! OMG! I was hoping for rough smut with Dino and if you're worried about age he is 18 years old I checked! the scenario I was hoping was for was that the reader was talking with her friends at like lunch about their sex lives and how it's been really vanilla and you want to spice it up so you got to a sex shop together and mess around before buying handcuffs and blindfods etc. you keep them in a bag at home and when Dino comes to visit and you go to the bathroom or something he finds it and uses them on you being a little bit dominant... Phew... That was long! Sorry if I rambled on. Um I'm fine with spanking, hair pulling, choking etc.. just not rape and shit like that. I hope I've not put too much on your plate and it would be amazing if you could actually write my request! Thank you xx – ioneej” Fandom: SEVENTEEN Member/reader: Dino X Reader Genre/warning(s):  smut, toys Words: 3.3k Authors note: Thank you for reading our fics :) I’m glad you enjoy them and I hope you enjoy this fic as well. Happy reading! Dino is so problematic because he goes from cute to so fucking hot in 0.000001 seconds and I cannot deal with that my weak old heart can’t take it.

           It was that time again, the monthly meeting with your girlfriends. Ever since you all left school it was harder to meet up as everyone was busy. They all either went to college or had jobs so you promised yourselves that you’d make the effort to meet up once a month for a full day to catch up. You always met up at a café to starts things off and then went shopping. You loved your friends with all your heart and always enjoyed meeting up with them, it was always so much fun.

           “Baby I’m going to go meet up Rai now. I’ll probably be back in the evening.” You tell Dino, your boyfriend of 3 years now.

           “That’s fine! I have to run to practice anyway. I might not be done until 9pm but I’ll still come over.” He walks over to you, puts his hand on your waist and kisses your forehead. You grab your keys and walk out. The café was ten minutes away from your house so you didn’t bother taking a bus or a cab, the weather was lovely and you didn’t want to waste it so you decided to take a slow stroll.

           You spotted the café and saw Rai standing outside of it. You usually met outside so you wouldn’t be left to walk in on your own, seeing as it can be a little awkward if you were left sitting alone around a big table. You traditionally hugged before entering the café, as you walked in you both knew exactly what you wanted, an Americano and a toasted sandwich. You make your order and begin catching up. Rai tells you how she’s doing at work and that she misses school, not necessarily the work but the simplicity of it, you had everything handed to you, you didn’t have to go out there and make a living. You could relate to this, you were quite tired of your job too, constantly working and barely having time off took its toll on you. Times weren’t as simple as just going to school and doing homework anymore, it was a completely different life now, a life both of you had to get used to.            “Tell me how’s you and Dino?” She sips her coffee and seems excited to hear everything you have to say.

           “We’re pretty good, we’re busy but we still make time for each other. Are you seeing anyone?” You smile at her suggestively.

           “Actually, I am! It’s nothing serious though, it’s just more for sex.”

           You choke on your sandwich as the words left her mouth. Your best friend just having a relationship based on sex? You could barely believe it, it didn’t seem like her.

           “What?!” you shout in disbelief.

           “I know it’s so weird but as you said you’re busy and I am too! I was never in a committed relationship like you are with Dino so what’s the point trying to build one now? I’m too busy for that. Besides, we’re both adults and sex is a nice thing to have in your life. I do appreciate the persons company but I’m not looking for anything serious, you know? You’ve been with Dino for 3 years now, that’s a long time, obviously no matter how busy you are, you’re not going to give up on the relationship.” She elaborated and explains why she thinks a sex based relationship is better for her at the moment. You ease up and begin to understand. You aren’t settled in your life yet, you both have so much to offer to the world and because she only stepped into the dating world now she is too busy for a serious relationship.

           “I guess you’re right! I wasn’t judging in the first place I was just surprised. It’s so weird how our lives are right now, we’re not children anymore.” You sigh.

           “I know right? Since we’re not children, tell me, how’s the sex for you?” Rai takes you by surprise with that question. You sip your coffee and your eyes widen.

           “That’s hella private no?” You hesitate to answer her.

           “Come on! We’ve been friends for years, I want to hear about it. Fine, maybe I’ll start first?”

           “Uhm okay?” you shrug.

           For the next fifteen minutes, you listened to her in awe, she explained how adventurous they are and how wild the sex it. At first you felt uncomfortable but after a while you began to understand you aren’t kids anymore and it’s okay to talk about these things, so, you listened away. Rai seemed to have a lot to say about her sex life, it seemed like she found a partner that satisfied her every need and she seemed grateful for that. Their relationship was quite funny though because as much as she said it’s only sex, they still go on dates and act like a couple but you don’t interfere, it’s not your place.

           “So, how about you?” She finally asks you.

           “It’s nowhere near as berserk as yours.” You blush.

           “Vanilla?”

           “Vanilla.”

           For the next moment, there’s a silence but not an uncomfortable one. You just didn’t exactly know what to say next. You knew that your sex with Dino was pretty standard for a while, after all, you two were together for three years so you got very comfortable with each other.

           “Would you want to spice it up?” Rai interrupts the silence.

           “I mean, maybe? I don’t know. Yes, yes I would.” You don’t want to admit it but you do, she’s your friend, you know she can help you out.

           “Perfect! Let’s go shopping so!” She says enthusiastically. You’re not sure why she’s so happy but you go along with it.

           You go to the shopping center and you look around. You can’t seem to find anything you’re interested in so you just accompany Rai while still desperately trying to find something for yourself.

           “Let’s go to a sex shop.” The words of your friend creep into your ear and you freeze. You never stepped foot into one of those, you didn’t even know how they looked like inside. Was there a massive orgy going on at all times? Were there weird, creepy guys who stared at women going in? Dildos on display? It seems bizarre.

           “Why?” you ask with a hint of fear in your voice.          

           “You want to spice things up in the bedroom, right? I’m going to help you pick toys for you and Dino to go from vanilla to kinky.”

           You don’t put up a fight but you let her help you. As awkward as you are about it you were excited too. You’ve been having pretty simple sex so bringing in some toys couldn’t be so bad.

           You walk out of the shopping center and look up on the nearest sex shop on your phone, it turned out to be a five minute walk from where you were so you hurried there. Rai held your hand going in, trying to comfort you. You broke free from it though because you didn’t want to look like a couple.

           As the door opened you suddenly became overwhelmed at the sight of costumes, dildos, gags, handcuffs, lubes and porn. This wasn’t your lifestyle, this wasn’t who you were. At that moment, you realized how much you like having vanilla sex and you wanted to leave. Yet, you were still intrigued. Rai was showing you around and saying what each thing is, it felt like she was speaking in tongues, you didn’t understand anything she was saying.

           “I think to ease you into it you should get ben wa balls.” Your friend suggests something that looked like it definitely didn’t belong inside you.

           “Excuse me? I honestly have no idea what that is.”

           “Ben wa balls, you put them inside your vagina and they stimulate you.”

           “These go inside me? Are you INSANE?!” You say in disbelief. “They’re so fucking massive? How is that going to fit inside me?” Your friend had an immediate response by holding up lube, you should have guessed.

           “Okay, next we’ll get you a dildo, every girl should have a dildo in their bedside cabinet.” She held up a reasonably sized dildo for your first time so you didn’t argue. “I think handcuffs and a gag would be great for you two. You can both use these, if you feel like being more dominant you can handcuff him to the bed and help yourself.”

           The thought of what you and Dino could do in bed sent a tingling through your body. You were getting more excited every second, you stopped being skeptical and let your friend talk you into getting everything she thought was necessary. At the end of the tour through the shop you were holding sexy lingerie, a dildo, a gag, two pairs of handcuffs, some flavored lube, ben wa balls and a sexy maid costume for some reason.

           You dropped everything at the counter and you looked like a child getting spoiled, the feeling of excitement settled in and you were so ready. The cashier looked at you with a smile on her face, knowing you’re completely new to this. She scans your times quietly and at the very end she decides to add her two cents.

           “Can I make a suggestion? Get this too if you’re experimenting.” She hands you a little bullet. “It’s a clit stimulator, it will make your orgasms much more intense.” For whatever reason, you didn’t seem phased that a complete stranger is offering you advice on sex toys, you accepted her offer and thanked her.

           You were currently carrying a bag full of sex toys through the middle of town and you didn’t know how to feel about it. What if it rips and all of its contents come spilling out? The shame of it all. You walk off Rai to the bus stop so she can go back home. You hug her and thank her for the help.

           “Until next time.” You say as she gets on the bus. She sends you a smile and waves at you. It was time for you to make your way back as well. You felt vulnerable, as if people knew exactly what was in your bag and kept staring at it but it was all your imagination.

           You hurried home, praying you wouldn’t bump into anyone you knew. You just wanted to get home so you can hide these things. Thankfully, you made it home without getting stopped by anyone. You opened the door and let out a sigh of relief. You kick off your shoes and quickly hide the bag in your bedroom so it’s out of sight. You left it on the bed so you knew you’re going to have to face it again in a while but for now you decided to relax and take your mind off the toys. You order takeout for yourself and go onto your laptop as you wait impatiently.

           Eventually, you get your food and it doesn’t take you long to eat it, you were quite hungry after the whole day. After the food, you checked the time and it was 7:30pm already so you went to take a bath, you knew you’d be too lazy later so you took the opportunity while you were still awake enough. You get into the bath and put in your headphones to relax.

           While you were in the bath, Dino came back home. He let himself in with his spare keys and looked around the apartment but there was no sight of you. He thought you were still out with Rai so he made himself comfortable. He walked from your corridor to your bedroom to get into bed to relax. He noticed the bag of toys on your bed and began investigating, not knowing what he got himself into. He opened the bag and the look of horror flashes on his face but quickly disappeared as he rummaged through the bag. An evil smirk makes an appearance on his face.

           He heard noise coming from the bathroom, and the noise was you trying to sing along. He grabbed the ben wa balls out of the bag and let them hang over his finger as he walked over confidently to the bathroom. He opens the door and your eyes instantaneously focus on the balls. You put your head lower into the water so only your eyes are above the water, hoping the water would hide your blushing face.

           “Care to explain?” He asks with a hint of cockiness. You burry your face in your hands and don’t want to face him anymore.

           “Get out of the bath and join me in the bedroom.” He orders you and leaves. The tingling you felt at the store suddenly came back full force. You get out of the bath, quickly dry off and cover yourself up with the towel. You walk out to meet Dino in the bedroom and you feel lightheaded. He was sitting on the bed with the balls in his hands. He looked so good, he just came back from practice and was wearing the same outfit he wore in the Highlight MV, they were probably practicing for their next concert. He looked so dominant and it turned you on.

           “Come over to me.” He brings out his hand to you and your hand joins his. He gets up and pulls the towel off you. Your instinct was to cover up but he was too close to you, your hands didn’t have space to cover yourself.

“Spread your legs for me, I won’t let you down baby.” You did as he said. He grabbed the lube you got and poured it onto the ben wa balls. He aligned one of them at your entrance. You get nervous and being to whimper.

“Shh baby, you’re doing great.” He kisses you and he pushes the ball into you. You moan into his mouth and he wastes no time with pushing the other one into you. He backs away from you and takes you in with his eyes.

“Now, go out to the living room and walk around.” You stand in one place, not really sure how to move since the balls were in your and were affecting your motor skills. You weren’t sure what walking around would do but if it got him off you were willing to do. You took the first step and you quickly realized what these balls do. They move inside you as you start to move, hitting all of your nerves, hitting your gspot.

“You’re a good girl Y/N.” Dino praises you. “Continue.”

You try your best to walk out from your bedroom with the balls hitting your walls. Your legs seem to weaken with every step. Every move you make makes you more sensitive, your moans increase in volume. Dino is standing in the door, resting against the door frame, his starved eyes on you watching your every move. You feel like you can’t walk anymore, your legs numb, slowly caving in under you. He walks over to you, grabs your jaw and quickly pulls out the balls from you. The pleasure of the balls in you and the balls being viciously pulled out made you cum instantly. Rai wasn’t joking around when she said these were powerful.

“Go back into the bedroom baby.” His voice soft. You walk into the bedroom while Dino follows you, eyeing your body. You go into the bedroom and Dino kindly asks you to lie down on your back. He takes out the handcuffs from the bag and closes them tightly on your wrists. Next, he gets out the gag and places it around your mouth, closing it at the back of your head. You two were never this intense in bed, this was new territory but Dino seemed to handle it very well, he was obviously naturally dominant.

He undid his tie but didn’t take off any of his clothes. He took out the bullet the cashier suggested and you were so glad you ended up buying it. He got on the bed and spread your legs. Dino turned on the bullet and pressed it into your slit. You whined and moved your legs around, you couldn’t stay still.

Dino kept pressing the bullet into you and saw you struggling to stay still. He put two fingers in his mouth to get them nice and wet for you, even though you were wet enough, and he put them inside you, curling them to hit your spot. The gag didn’t let curses slip from your mouth, just moans, whines and cries. You were so frustrated, you just wanted him to be inside you and you couldn’t ask him to slip his erected dick into you. He was in charge and he decided when it was time. Thankfully, he noticed the anger on your face and the tears starting to fill your eyes and he knew you were ready for him. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his throbbing dick from his boxers. He was fully dressed and it turned you on, it felt like it was just a quick fuck, you were fully exposed to him while he wasn’t and it felt so erotic.        

He rubbed his dick all over your pussy to get it nice and wet so it would slip in easier. He slowly began to insert it.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight!” His voice was shaky. As he pushed into you he moaned loudly, you were so horny for him, your walls were so clenched he could barely make it all the way into you without cumming. He starts to pump into you and your moans quickly turn into muted screams. The fact you weren’t able to touch him made you so angry but it felt so good at the same time. His hands were all over your body and he knew he was torturing you with the constant contact. He knew you wanted to touch him and kiss him but you couldn’t. His dick going at the perfect rhythm. Your adrenaline combined with physically not being able to move made you so light headed, you felt like you were going to pass out from the overload of the emotions.

“You’re taking my dick so well.” He coos in your ear. His pumping gets rougher. The corners of his mouth start to slightly point downwards, his breathing gets heavier and his hand grabs your breast so hard you cry.

“I’m so close.” He tells you. You wanted to have some control over him so at his words you clenched your walls around his dick, he whined at the feeling. You felt so proud of yourself that you could still find a way to have some kind of control over him. You played yourself though, the walls were in direct contact with his dick now, you were so much more sensitive now. Your eyes widen as you feel yourself reach your high. It wasn’t an orgasm like any other, this one felt like a massive wave just crashed into your body, flooding your lungs. You and Dino are both whining and moaning as you both experience one of the best orgasms you ever had. Your juices are soaking the sheets underneath you. His cum overflowing and sliding down your ass.

“Fuck!” Dino shouts. He falls next to you as his eyes roll back from pleasure. You’re both out of breath and Dino hurries to get the gag off you. You’re left speechless, there’s nothing you even want to say. You’re just trying to gather your breath and your thoughts. Dino gets up and sets you free from the handcuffs, they left a mark around them but you didn’t mind, it’ll just be a small reminder until they fade of how good today was.

You start cleaning up the mess you two made and Dino sneaks up behind you and wraps his hands around your waist.

“Next time wear the maid costume.” He whispers in your ear and sends shivers through your spine.

#dino #seventeen #dino smut #seventeen smut #seventeen fics #seventeen fanfic #seventeen reactions #seventeen scenarios #chan #s.coups #wonwoo #mingyu #hoshi #woozi #jun #vernon #seungkwan #jeonghan #minghao #seokmin #dk #joshua #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #kpop reactions #kpop smut #fanfic #smut #fics

[goldenskarm]

The Guardians getting drunk ~ Headcanon.

Tsuna:

Managed to get drunk with just a glass of diluted wine.

Decided to get a hangover because Reborn challenged him to.

His head spins wildly but after a while he finds himself enjoying the situation, finally taking advantage of his position as the Vongola Boss.

Gokudera is seriously worried for him, panicking every time he throws up, screaming “Juudaime! Juudaime!!”

He is never going to drink again… But he can laugh freely now at the point he finds Reborn’s fairy costume funny.

Eventually decides to let go for once and succumb to his drunkenness. Maybe he succumbed too much because, despite bossing everyone around, he called Hibari a slutty bitch (yeah that was the worst his innocent mind was able to think of)

He gets bitten to death.

Tsuna: Gokudera-kun can I borrow your cell phone? Gokudera: I-I’m not sure… Juudaime. Tsuna: Your boss is speaking. Gokudera, flustered: H-Hai! Here you go, Juudaime!!

Texts himself: Where are you? Are you okay? Don’t drink too much.

Eventually passes out in Gokudera’s arms.

Gokudera:

Drank too much vodka

Flushed cheeks, horrible headache, mumbling incomprehensible things.

He got drunk because he wanted to forget the fact that Yamamoto arrived first to help Tsuna against an enemy.

Eventually, the rest of the guardians find him in the bar.

He tries to punch Yamamoto in the gut, but it comes off as a little poke. “YouU Are Not Worthy to BE JUudaIme’s riGHT Hand mAn”. Yamamoto laughs.

Tsuna asks the others to take him home.

Ryohei throws him on his back screaming “EXTREEMELY DRUNK SQUID HEAD” while running towards the bar’s exit.

But Gokudera is not done with Yamamoto just yet. He pulls Takeshi’s tie and brings him for a super quick kiss on the lips but then continues to drag him along while Ryohei leads them among the roads

Tsuna is running behind them, trying to save Yamamoto.

Hibari is left behind with the obnoxious kid. Lambo laughs hysterically at Gokudera’s condition. Hibari gets irritated and bites Lambo to death.

Lambo ends up flying above the others, crushing on Gokudera’s face.

Gokudera screams for help but Ryohei won’t stop running until they reach home.

He passes out on Tsuna’s couch mumbling “I love you Juudaime”.

Yamamoto:

Martinis, Whisky, Rum…

At first he was just getting in the mood of the party, being his usual cheerful self, taking photos with everyone, irritating Gokudera and getting bitten to death by Hibari.

“Let’s dance, Gokudera!”

He laughed, a lot. With every little thing.

He was in the mood to sing so he ran over to the band of the bar but slipped while trying to get on stage, fell on the singer and knocked him out.

They all got kicked out of the bar, Gokudera punching Yamamoto everywhere.

But when he slipped, the hit on the head made something within Yamamoto change and he revealed his serious side, deciding he should take advantage of his drunken state and say things he wouldn’t say otherwise.

Gokudera: what’s with you all of a sudden? You were laughing like an idiot a moment ago. Yamamoto:  Haru is so kind… and cute. Gokudera: HUH?! Yamamoto: Tsuna, I need your help… Gokudera: DON’T take another step closer to Juudaime! Yamamoto: Gokudera… my vision is kinda blurred but… I can still see you being gay. Gokudera: HUUUH no no no no  don’t listen to him Juudaimeee!! Yamamoto: I don’t blame you though… ya know who looks cuter than Haru? ... you. Gokudera: STAY AWAY BASEBALL FREAK! Yamamoto: but he is sexier. Gokudera: h-he? Yamamoto: Hiba-

“Kamikorosu”

Yamamoto: S-Squalo! Squalo looks so sexy in those tight leather pants. Squalo: VOIIIII I’LL CUT YOU IN TWO, BRAT!

Tsuna: I’m fucking outta here.

Ryohei:

Drank tons of beer obviously.

Nobody thought this guy could get any more loud. They were wrong.

“EXTREMELY PUNCHING THE BARTENDER TO BRING MORE BEER”

“EXTREME DANCING WITH SAWADA”

Gokudera: get your hands off Juudaime, freakin Turf Top!

“EXTREMELY SHAVING SQUID HEAD’S HAIR”

Gokudera: WHAT ARE YOU DO- JUUDAIMEEEE! *crying*

Tsuna: don’t let him ride the motorbike back home. Kyoko will hate me!

“EXTREEEEEME MOTOR SPEED”

“EXTREEEME CRUSHING ON THE TREE”

The rest of the guardians find him half an hour later lying by a fallen tree, mumbling “extreme headache”. Gokudera loses it and starts dragging him to Tsuna’s house. He KICKS the bathroom door open while Dino was using the toilet. Ryohei knocks Dino off the toilet and throws up on him

Gokudera: why the fuck did you knock him out? Ryohei: if I was the guy and someone kicked the fucking door and started to puke on me. I would beat the shit out of him. So I punched him so he wouldn’t have the chance to punch me.

Tsuna: D-Dino-san… what are you doing in my house? Dino: I-I can explain…

Enzio pops out of the kitchen in Godzilla mode.

Hibari:

He never drinks. Never. So how did he get drunk?

It was an illusion, no doubt. That battle of water… was not water it seems.

That bastard Mukuro.

Barely walks around Namimori High School mumbling “Kamikorosu, kamikorosu, kamikorosu”

“Your existence is against school regulations”

Tsuna sees Hibari approaching him in the hallway.

Tsuna: HIEE H-Hibari san looks ominous! Hibari: …Kamikorosu Gokudera: Oi bastard, stay away from Juudaime. Yamamoto: Ma ma let’s all be friends!

Hibari shoves Yamamoto and Gokudera away with his tonfas and grabs Tsuna’s collar threateningly. Hibari: call… Mukuro Tsuna: A-are y-you d-drunk, Hibari-san? Hibari: I said.. call the bastard. Tsuna: HIEE

Mukuro: you were looking for me~? Hibari: fuck you. Mukuro: Oya? Drunk skylark lets his tongue slip… Hibari, pulling out tonfas: Fuck you. Mukuro: Is that all you have to say? “Fuck you”? Hibari: Fuck you. Mukuro: Fuck you, then  Hibari: Fuck me Mukuro: Fuck you?! Hibari: Fuck me.

Mukuro:

Nobnody knows what this sexy guy drinks or why would he ever do that.

While drunk, he gets even more playful, possessing different bodies and making them do crazy things.

That may explain why Gokudera is walking naked in the halls of Namimori High School while snickering in a sickeningly creepy way.

Tsuna, extremely flustered: G-GOKUDERA-KUN!!! Gokudera: Kufufu… impressed yet, Juudaime? Tsuna: y-you’re not Gokudera-kun… ROKUDO MUKURO? Gokudera: Oya? I see I cannot hide from the Vongola instinct.

Hibari, knocking people out irritated: …Mukuro? Mukuro: Hibari Kyoya. Hibari: get in your own body and come face me, coward. Mukuro: hmm not… in the mood~ Hibari: Kamikorosu!

Possessed Gokudera gets bitten to death, Tsuna and Yamamoto carry him to the nurse.

Mukuro returns in his own body. The alcohol must be the reason behind his red eye’s malfunctioning. Terrific illusions appear everywhere and the only thing Mukuro can do is laugh, laugh with his heart.

Namimori Highschool is set on fire by the realms of hell, a thousand snakes attack Tsuna and his friends and Hibari is suddenly dressed in a green, fluffy gawn.

Hibari, smokes emanating from his head: K a m I k o r o s u ! !

Mukuro: Hibari Kyoya… I’ll have you kneeling before me again… if you know what I mean~

Lambo:

Tsuna: NO LAMBO! You are only 5 years old! Lambo: alala~ Lambo-san already drank it.

He starts throwing bombs everywhere, Tsuna’s house getting extremely messed up.

Gokudera: you stupid cow! Look what you did to Juudaime’s house!

Lambo starts crying as Gokudera yells and chases him around. He stops at one point to pee… on Gokudera of course.

Eventually, he draws out the Ten Year Bazooka.

The Guardians decided that it was too dangerous to let drunken Lambo running wild around town so they closed him up in Tsuna’s closet while he was still in sober adult-Lambo form.

The next morning, once they let him out, he insisted that he had found Narnia.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #anime #sawada tsunayoshi #gokudera hayato #yamamoto takeshi #hibari kyoya #mukuro rokudo #lambo #ryohei sasagawa #vongola #guardians #yamamoto x gokudera #mukuro x hibari #8059 #6918

[thatshighlyoffensive]

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!!  And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s  all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell  Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky  emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂