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#she couldn't miss her. did she miss her?
lionydoorin · 1 year
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Do you think Tara eventually starts forgetting Amber's details? The sound of her voice, the color of her eyes, her favorite song.
Obviously you don't just forget someone you loved that much, but it's been a year since Tara has seen or heard Amber, plus all the traumatic memories she has attached to her.
Could you imagine if Tara's brain started blocking Amber out as a trauma response?
WEEPS.
eough. totally. tara's brain altering some memories or blocking them as a trauma response. EOUGH.
it starts with simple things, the kind of simple that tara wouldn't worry about at first. a song that would always make her think about amber suddenly not making her want to cry as much. that story she told her once during a sleepover suddenly fading away from her mind. amber was allergic to something in this meal, what was it?
forgetting these things gave her a certain relief, somehow. amber was a complicated subject. she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, and the thought of her was always too painful, too scary. so, maybe these small details weren’t meant to be stored in her mind, the ghost of her best friend (the person who tried to kill her) finally deciding to rest and let her be.
so, if tara couldn't remember the name of amber's childhood pet, she wouldn't bat an eye. if her tumblr username didn't cross her mind, it would be fine, because it meant she wouldn't wanna check it out once more, like it's amber's own personal diary.
even if it the idea of forgetting it made her anxious. even if not thinking about her hurt as much as thinking about her.
her dreams became more and more jumbled after that, psychedelic counterparts to the very real memories her brain decides to play on repeat as soon as she closes her eyes.
amber seemed more strange with every night: hands a little rougher than what she remembers when her mind replays her choking her neck, face more, and more, and more distorted as she burns alive. sometimes she was taller than she actually was, other times, she seemed shorter than tara. she never used these rings, and what was that pendant on her necklace? her eyes didn’t seem her own, her hair was somehow not right. didn’t she have a beauty mark somewhere on her face? i could swear her smile was different. why does everything seem so wrong?
i’ll make it quick, the person in her dreams would say as it places tara in the closet, voice just not quite right, tying her body instead of just her hands. wasn’t it different? is this what actually happened? i promise, tara. i'll end her and come back for you. i'll take care of you.
(she never said that.
did she say that?
what did she say, anyway?)
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carefulfears · 10 months
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i hope someday he reads this and knows
(the x files little green men / ? / the x files closure / ann brashares my name is a memory / the x files dreamland ii / anne carson antigonick / the x files my struggle i / jandy nelson i'll give you the sun / michael dickman killing flies / the x files amor fati / the x files closure script / the x files conduit, redux / the x files conduit script)
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imogenkol · 2 months
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— WIP WEDNESDAY
tagged by @kyber-infinitygems thank you!! 💕
tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @marivenah @simonxriley @shegetsburned @voidika @inafieldofdaisies @statichvm @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @carlosoliveiraa @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch @gwynbleidd @shellibisshe @loriane-elmuerto @katsigian @captastra @simplegenius042 @theelderhazelnut @g0dspeeed
this is mostly just fluff but it does get a little suggestive (may or may not be a smut prompt I’m working on)
In the calm silence of the ship, Imogen held her lover close and shut her eyes. Meditation in the traditional sense never came easy to her – to let go of her own sense of self to reach so called enlightenment felt like an unnecessary sacrifice to make. Imogen knew how to quiet her mind enough to stay centered, but she could never surrender herself past that. At least, she used to. 
To feel the warmth of someone she held deep reverence for, to trace the tips of her fingers across the other woman’s skin, to sense every beat of her heart through the Force like a steady beacon of life, made Imogen forget about herself completely. It gave her a taste of that fabled inner peace the Jedi always used to babble about. 
Bix inhaled deeply and nuzzled herself further into Imogen’s chest. “I missed you,” she whispered like a secret confession. 
A powerful warmth fluttered in the bounty hunter’s chest. She smiled at the thought of being missed. If the incessant tug in Imogen’s gut while she was away told her anything, it’s that she could certainly relate. “I thought of you often, as I always have when we are apart.”
“Is that so?”
“It used to drive me mad,” Imogen recalled wistfully now that she was free of her own vice. A playful urge overtook her and she positioned herself to pin Bix beneath her. The mechanic flashed an intrigued grin as Imogen leaned in. “Especially in the quiet moments,” she continued, lowering her voice to a sultry murmur as she brushed her lips over her lover’s cheek and down her neck, “when my longing for you kept me awake at night.”
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anaalnathrakhs · 4 months
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i feel it's so fucking stupid and ungrateful but it still hurts a little when someone gifts me something i just don't like. i don't know. i know it's dumb and inaccurate to astrain that much meaning to a simple gift, but it feels kinda like they don't know me. i guess it feels like people don't see me, like a reminder that the person i reflect and the person i feel like are incredibly different.
#two fairly recent examples jump to mind#last year my class did a secret santa#the guy who got my name barely knew me so instead he asked our litterature teacher for tips#i was doing an effort to participate a lot in her classes and discuss stuff and i felt like she was an adult i could really trust#and adult who Gets It#and she picked just. the wrong gift. a classical philosophy essay.#stuff i hate reading. stuff i hate thinking about.#i said thank you to both of them and tried to read it during christmas break still. but i was right. i hated it.#and this year's christmas#recently i tried patching things up with my parents and we are a lot more communicative now#so they've opened up that my demand not to receive any gifts was painful to them#so we had an agreement: we write open-hearted letters to each other on christmas.#and they can gift me something if they'd like but no pressure if they don't find anything they feel would be a good gift#bc i myself opened up about the whole ''inaccurate gift'' thing being one of the reasons i dislike receiving stuff#and guess what. christmas comes. they got me a printed card from an artist whose work we saw at a local art thing earlier that year.#that artist does mainly either plants or nice architecture. stuff i love.#they picked the ONE work of hers that doesn't look like that. some reinterpretation of the great wave of kanagawa#a piece which i dislike with a passion for aesthetic reasons#i had promised i'd be honest if their gift missed the mark but tbh i couldn't. it's just an aesthetic thing it's completely begnin.#it's not like they spent lots or tried to pick something that was USEFUL#so i smiled and the picture is hanging with other stuff in my room#and i thanked them and i can't express how genuinely glad i am we have a better relationship#but man i felt my heart break a little under the tree in that moment#idk#i know it's silly but it makes me feel weird. and cold.#broadcasting my misery#vent
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cold-neon-ocean · 5 months
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Posting this by itself because :) I just feel like he should have gotten to wear the mech pilot suit at least once..
(my AU black version and the og green)
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moonchild-in-blue · 1 month
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vessel sleep token the first belly dancer
*runs away*
Come back 🥺 You're cooking 🥺
I wanna give him those cute belly dancer waist scarfs with the clinking coins 🥺✨
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obessivedork · 4 months
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Was.... that supposed to be the end of FO4? 😐 Like once you've blown up the Institute you get this random nostalgic slideshow that has nothing to do with ANYTHING and that's it? You beat the game! Good for you! But we'll place you back into the world to keep playing I fucking guess? What's going to happen to your friends and The Commonwealth with all the decisions you made?😐 Don't ask us! Not like we're going to make an RPG with the infamous RPG IP, that would be silly!
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lovinthatfandom · 2 years
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Thinking about how some of the Umbrella Academy/ Sparrow's mothers probably just gave them away willingly because they thought their child was a demon or the anti-christ.
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sergeantpixie · 6 months
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2023 character wrapped: 9 characters you loved in 2023! Was tagged by @frankensteinsmona
From left to right this is Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Daisy Jones (Daisy Jones & The Six), Aria Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars), Midge Maisel (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), Elena Gilbert (The Vampire Diaries), Riley Flynn (Midnight Mass), Erin Greene (Midnight Mass), Annabel Lee Usher (The Fall of the House of Usher), and Ilonka (The Midnight Club).
Daisy, Annabel Lee, and Ilonka are the only three I met this year but I did rewatch all of the others' shows this year so it still counts lmao.
Tagging: @woodswit, @purplesigebert, @randomestfandoms, @imperpetuallylost, and anyone who sees this and wants to participate!
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betty-bourgeoisie · 10 months
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Oooh my god 1776 was such a good play
- I really wasn't expecting to be so affected by the casting, but seeing the founding fathers portrayed entirely as women and nonbinary people really got me. Especially the fact that most of the women actors were dressed in more butch (for the time period) clothing and were talking about loving their wives so casually on stage. It just really gave me a moment of "oh my god they're like me!" that I almost never feel, even with queer media.
- On that note, the playbill had a whole section just talking about gender and gender expression and explaining they/them pronouns to the audience. It just felt so amazing looking at the playbill and having it be directly confirmed right there that the space was for me. I didn't realize how much I needed that.
- There was one dance number where all of the actors lined up in just the right way for their coats to make a rainbow and it was beautiful
- The blue angels flew over just before the beginning of Mama Look Sharp (ouch) and then the choir of women singing the mothers' response together just broke me. I started crying in the theater thinking about all the young people the U.S has sent to war over its history and how many mothers never got to see their babies again because the rich and powerful decide to go to war.
- The montage of different protests and civil unrest throughout U.S. history at the end of The Egg was such a powerful moment.
- The lines "liberty and justice for all" in the declaration being read while Thomas Jefferson's character stood in the middle of the stage and had her coat put on and brushed by another character that was heavily implied to be a slave sent absolute shivers down my spine.
-The actress who sang Molasses to Rum to Slaves was phenomenal. She really made it exactly as uncomfortable as it needed to be.
-The ending with the unexpected reprise of Is Anybody There was truly the perfect ending. So so good.
I'm so glad I was able to go in person. It was just a totally different experience from the movie and I enjoyed it so much.
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marclef · 5 months
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Hope you feel better soon!
thank you, i'm feeling a lot better today already with how kind everyone's been to me 🤗
i just needed a day to cope for my little betta, it's been almost two years since i adopted her and it just feels far too soon.
i don't think i ever showed her off, i don't have many good pictures of her (bettas never stay still i swear!) but here's the best pic i have of my good girl. she was the most chill fish, not even caring when guppies bounced off of her hehe
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her favorite spot... the little printed betta cave at the top of the tank 😊
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raycatz · 4 months
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I DID MY CAMP INTERVIEW AND IT WENT WELL AND I HAVE A JOB THIS SUMMER YEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
now to crumple on the floor and hhhhhhh destress, breathe? aha...
o|<
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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lisbonsteresa · 8 months
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you ever just
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forcedhesitation · 6 months
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I finished act 2 again, but properly this time. and I cannot even begin to put into words how satisfying and beautiful all of that was. I loved act 2 the first time I played, but figuring out how to save the last light this time, properly completing halsin's quest, storming moonrise towers with jaheira and her harpers, seeing aylin reunite with isobel...all of it. I love it even more. and the beginning of act 3 feels all the more rewarding, having fixed my past errors.
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#bg3#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#that was. incredible. I can't believe I missed so much the first time I played.#but at least having messed up the first time gives me a greater appreciation for the full story.#I did the “lift the shadowcurse” quest SO assbackwards last time I missed like. 90% of halsin's act 2 dialogue.#he IS cute. I am just STUPID. and learned nothing from dunking on gale before- when that was ALSO my own colossal mistake.#jaheira also gets such a badass moment of glory if her harpers as still alive. if you lose last light like I did before...#...god the assault on moonrise feels so...depressing. I felt so fucking bad for her the first time I played.#but I thought that you couldn't save isobel! and that's just what was supposed to happen! fool was I!#oh and if your tav fails the perception check on mizora when she first sends wyll to rescue zariel's asset- HE renegotiates his contract!#which I like better? I like when the companions get to choose their own fate! I like wyll taking a stand for himself! it was awesome!#and well. if corydalis used his outrageous charisma stat to push mizora into giving wyll a funky new sword? that's just friendship <3#the relationship between aylin and isobel is beautiful. I'm so happy that I replayed to save isobel. I much prefer seeing aylin happy :)#barcus. barcus. barcus. I want to criticise you but I'm in love with astarion so. can I really talk???#well maybe /I/ can't. but corydalis is Aware and playing mental manipulation chess with astarion. out of pure intent. but still.#join our polycule barcus. please. we will treat you better. I promise <3333#anyways. not ready for the buggiest part of the game again. but at least I know what's going on this time.
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mobius-m-mobius · 6 months
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To input another pov to the s2e5 conversation, I personally brushed off the single dad comment from earlier in the ep, chalking it up to clunky exposition dialogue (oh they need to show how he has his hands full in one line and make it make sense) and THEN the fit check happened and my eyebrows raised to the my hairline, and THEN Don dropped that "[...] or did you follow me home? ;)" line with THAT attitude, and my had to cover my mouth going, what's going on...?? lmao from an extremely jaded tv watcher who almost never ship anything except canon events.
Truly think the world collectively shook that night thanks to the number of viewers leaning forward in their seats with hands over their mouths and awe in their eyes 😂💖
But really though, there will NEVER be proper explanation for what happened in ep 5 other than Loki's canonical impulse to impress Mobius at any given moment finally extending to 90s Hugh Grant rom com territory (as anything should, tbh) or it being a hint that on Don's timeline he'll eventually meet *his* Loki and the two of them will settle into suburbia with the kids and jet ski off into the sunset as fandom intended and I'm personally fine with either option lol
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