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#so in a sense she has a need to make it up to him
genderqueerdykes · 2 days
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if you are a trans man or masc, masculine nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid or other gender non conforming identity, masc gay, a bear, a butch, stud, or boi, or other masculine queer person and don't feel welcome in any queer spaces, you're not alone.
the communities both irl and online have become EXTREMELY hostile toward mascs and men to the point of straight up excluding us and changing their wording to justify their violent exclusion. from renaming nonbinary spaces to "femme & them" and "she+" spaces, to telling men & mascs that they would "Scare" the women and "nonbinary" folks just by being there, as if masculinity and manhood are inherently traumatizing to be around.
masculine and male nonbinary folks have it so hard- most nonbinary spaces are almost definitely women's spaces who also conflate womanhood with nonbinaryhood, and often times just view nonbinary people as confused women. we are not inherently traumatizing to be around: masc enbies need places to go. we are still nonbinary and still trans and still queer for fucks' sake
nonbinary has never and will never mean femme or woman-adjacent inherently. nonbinary means what it means: people who don't or refuse to adhere to the gender binary, regardless of what side it is. masculinity is included in this, femininity is not the only way to be nonbinary.
masc queers do not have to bend over backwards to try to be more feminine and thus "less threatening" in order to have places to go. that's dysphoric and just inaccurate to a lot of queer folks' identity and presentation. it blows my mind because it makes no sense, anyway, even within the gay community, hypermasculinity has been present and even sought after by some people who find it very attractive, twunks, hunks, bears... but between the periods in queer history people started viewing masc gay leathermen and kinksters as the ones who were responsible for spreading AIDS and thus removing them from pride parades,
AND the lesbian separatism moment picking up to remove butches & male & masc lesbians from lesbian spaces identity, paving the way for modern rdical femniism, we've only entered a downhill landslide of hating men and mascs and ultimately trying to erase us from the queer community entirely.
the queer community is not the "women & femmes community". the queer experience is broad and vast, it includes a wide variety of masculine and male experiences, as well as genderfluid, multigender, completely ungendered and other gendered experiences. the lesbian, trans, bisexual, nonbinary, gay and general queer communities aren't the "safe place to hide from men & mascs community" like estranged rdfems and terfpilled trans folk like to tell you they are.
this is the QUEER community and it includes ALL forms of queerness, masc, femme, butch, male, neutral, bigender, neutral, and all. he/shes and he/hims and he/theys and he/its and so on are just as much of a part of this communities as she/hers and they/thems. you can't cast a blanket of "inherently abusive" over all men and mascs and one of "inherently abused/incapable of being abusive" over all women and femmes because that just traps you in a fantasy land that doesn't exist AND it prevents mascs and men from getting the help, resources and community they NEED.
men & mascs are hurt and abused by women & femmes every day and we refuse to speak about them because we live under a white cisheteronormal patriarchy and have complaints about how that functions. the complaints are legitimate but assuming that all men and mascs are oppressing all women and femmes and that women can never be oppressive is a false as hell narrative that actively damages people.
enough is enough. this mindset is hurting people. it's leaving masc and male queers to be estranged, harmed and even dead. i care about you if you're being affected by this mentality and these behaviors. you deserve community, safety, and a sense of belonging, you do belong, even if we struggle to form our own spaces due to unjust hatred. we will do our best to band together and keep each other safe. we must
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ROTTEN: Behind The Foodfight
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Holy chips! It's an exciting time to be a Foodfight! fan, because ROTTEN: Behind The Foodfight is finally out! This really is THE definitive documentary on the insanity behind the movie, and it finally answers the question of just what was going on behind the scenes during production. Since I helped out with research (and I even get a short line of dialogue at 45:19) I've already seen everything that was shown off, but had to keep quiet until all the interviews were conducted and the documentary was finished. But now it's out and everything has been made public, the cat's out of the bag (the Fat Cat Burglar?) and I can talk about all the production material that's been shared.
Before I get into any of that though, I'd highly recommend you watch the documentary for yourself. It's insanely well researched and put together, and having worked together with Ziggy Cashmere (the documentary's creator) I know how hard he dedicated himself towards making this all possible. If it weren't for him, the most interesting Foodfight! discovery would've been finding the novelization, and we would have never gotten any real insight into how this movie came to be. It's also a documentary that really speaks for itself- I don't want to say too much about what it reveals since it's all expressed far better through its narrative and the interviews with people who actually worked on the project. My favorite is the interview with texture artist Mona Weiss- she tells such horrifying stories about how she was treated by Larry and other crewmembers, yet does it all with a sense of humor that makes it clear she's enjoying getting to talk about her crazy experiences. It's clear Foodfight! was an unmitigated disaster from start to finish, and there's nobody to blame for that but Larry Kasanoff himself. The movie was rotten from the top down and despite the countless talented animators and artists working on it, nothing could fix the fact that it was fundamentally mismanaged in the worst way possible. I think the quote from producer George Johnsen summarizes it best: "Foodfight! was a good idea that unfortunately lost its way during production. The technology, the art, and the direction were not in sync. Many very talented people gave their all to make the picture, but more understanding of process from the top was needed for it to succeed."
But if you saw the documentary, you already know all that, right? So instead, let's talk about the behind-the-scenes material that's finally been shared! You can find everything I'll talking about HERE on archive.org-
It's worth following the link and checking it out for yourself- there's so much it'd impossible to discuss everything. Artwork, storyboards, bloopers, models, a nude render of Lady X, an interview with Larry Kasanoff, the list goes on and it's still being updated! Despite the documentary already being out, people who worked on the movie are continuing to share new material! It's pretty incredible- for the past year I've ran this blog all I've really had to discuss are two tie-in books, and now there's so much Foodfight! material I can't even keep up with it.
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I mean LOOK at all this, isn't it fantastic? The character art by Jim George showing off just how much better these designs originally were, the countless environments showing off just how stunning Marketropolis could've looked as well as the strength of the core idea "what if a supermarket came to life at night", and insanely detailed storyboards for a 7-minute pitch reel that was used to sell the movie to investors. Normally, I'd be ALL OVER this because it's all just incredible, but there's something far, FAR more fascinating than any of it.
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There are even multiple drafts of the script (one from 2005 and one from 2007 respectively) and normally I'd be insanely fascinated by those too, making extremely detailed posts explaining the differences between the drafts and how they compare to the novelization, but there's something else that was found that blows ALL of this out of the water and is easily one of the most monumental lost media discoveries of ALL TIME.
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That's right, a rough cut of the ENTIRE movie from 2005 has been found, containing nearly ALL the completed animation from earlier on in production. I mean, that's mindblowing right? We first got sent this around a month ago, a little while before the documentary came out, and I literally stopped everything I was doing at work to just sit and watch this. This is the closest we're ever going to get to the "original" version of Foodfight! after all- only 7 minutes of footage was ever actually made before they switched to mocap, made solely for the aforementioned pitch reel, and this workprint contains practically all of it! On top of that there are some great storyboards in here, as well as some truly hilarious ones cobbled together from 3D renders, and the plot is far better than what we ended up with, a lot of the more inappropriate jokes being absent. This rough cut is actually pretty similar to the novelization in that regard, and it also contains scenes that we'd previously only read about in there.
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For example, in the novelization there's a snowmobile chase through the mountains, with Brand X soldiers on snowmobiles and a heavy avalanche close behind. This scene was completely left out of the movie itself, but in this workprint it's here! ALL the previously novelization-exclusive scenes are included, and this rough cut is seemingly based on an even earlier draft of the script than that- here Brand X are still defeated by a flood, whereas by the time of the novelization it'd been changed to a lightning storm. There are SO many exciting differences in this workprint, the snippets of original animation we get to see are SO good, and it's SO much better than the movie itself that I think it by far deserves the crown as the DEFINITIVE version of Foodfight! There's so much in it I want to discuss, that there's no way I can fit it all into this one post...so stay tuned, because in the next few days I'll be doing a FULL analysis of the 2005 workprint, pointing out all the extra brand mascots not in the finished film, and generally just gushing about how amazing it is.
I mean, this is it. Just take it all in for a second- the original footage was considered lost media for over a decade, and now it's practically been found in its entirety, embedded in an early cut of the whole movie...isn't that just phenomenal? All the mysteries have been unraveled, all the questions have been answered, and now we can relax, take a deep breath, and watch Foodfight!...the REAL Foodfight! Make sure to enjoy it, and join me next time for my analysis!
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kenntolog · 3 days
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sukuna realizing your sad because a classmate was flirting with him and ur just all upset because you thought he dont want u anymore. IM SORR I NEED SOME FLUFF
𝝑𝝔 an: hope u enjoy thisssss!!! read more ab cool bf sukuna x loser reader here!!
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you’ve been avoiding sukuna and he knows it.
it’s not that hard to see when you’re walking around with a sad face, getting to the lecture hall later than him so he doesn’t find a way to sit by your side, not answering his messages properly, not going to his practice games with lame excuses. and honestly, sukuna is kind of hurt because you refuse to acknowledge that he cares and tell him what is bothering you.
but sukuna isn’t dumb. and it was fairly easy to realise that you were upset with him because you were jealous of yorozu from his group literally throwing herself at him at every chance she got. it wasn’t anything new since she has been bothering him from the first year of university, when they were introduced as classmates.
it seemed like yorozu’s sense of obsession with him got stronger with upcoming spring. she was not leaving his side in the hallways, trying to tag along with whatever he was doing even while he didn’t spare her a glance, she was calling him the nickname he only allowed you to use which pissed him off further and she clung to him like a vice, her grip not wavering even when her dumb friends called out to her.
and in these moments, while sukuna’s mind was filled with questions like ‘how to get away with murder’, your insecurities got the best of you, seeing how sukuna, though visibly annoyed, didn’t seem to push her away completely. so you stopped walking up to him in the hallways after classes to plant his favourite types of kisses on his cheeks and you avoided catching his eyes because it hurt.
yorozu is beautiful, her beauty is carnal and almost every guy in the university drools over her so it shouldn’t come off as a surprise that maybe… maybe you aren’t the best choice for sukuna?
it goes on like this for a couple of excruciating days; jin and yuuji don’t risk asking about why sukuna seemingly only busies himself with practice and why he dons a deep scowl. they suspect that it’s something related to you, but don’t interfere and sukuna is happy they don’t. his mind is constantly focused on trying to get to you and as much as he wants to go to your place and talk things out… he’s scared. and he gives you space, thinking that the situation won’t escalate further.
but it does, when he catches you in the empty hallway, trying to get to your class with the saddest expression he’s ever seen you have. sukuna calls out to you, speeding up his steps and you stop, something hopeful burning in your eyes as you wait for him patiently.
yet, of course, yorozu appears out of nowhere with her wide smile and catches up to him quickly. sukuna sees the hope in your eyes quickly switch to betrayal, your bottom lip trembling and eyes glistening with tears as you turn away and run towards the bathroom. something cracks inside of him. but this time he’s not going to let damned yorozu stop him.
he rips his arm away from her grip, stepping back instantly while she looks up at him as if nothing is happening, “piss off or i will get violent.”
“‘kunaa~ why you gotta be so rude?” she leans her head against his shoulder insistently, batting her eyelashes at him. his eyes only see red when he hears the nickname again and he decides that he’s gonna use a different method this time.
he slowly guides his hand up her arm, feeling her relax under his touch, and weaves his fingers through her hair gently before his grip tightens and he tugs her head back roughly.
finally her face displays something other than satisfaction and that ugly smirk, and he shakes her in his hold while his other hand covers her mouth to stop her from making any sounds.
“don’t ever fuckin’ call me that,” he leans closer to her face. “and if you come up to me anytime again i won’t stop at this.”
she whimpers and nods shakily, trying to pull away before he harshly lets go of her hair, causing her to fall down.
he runs to the bathroom quickly, entering without any care and looks under the cabins to see where you are, but you seem to have found another place to hide while he was busy with yorozu. sukuna runs around looking through empty classes until he finally finds you in the art class, sitting in the corner farthest from the door and sniffling quietly.
“baby?” you jolt in your spot and cover your face with your hands, hurriedly wiping away your tears. he approaches you slowly, his hands itching to touch you, but he understands that you might not want that. “you cryin’?”
“no?” you croak out, sobbing a little more and sukuna feels like getting punched in the face repeatedly. you finally look at him, and sukuna steps closer to stand between your legs.
“‘m sorry.”
“you don’t have to apologise, y’know? ‘s okay if you like her.”
now, that’s crazy. “the fuck? i hate that bitch.”
you give him an unsure look and he sinks onto his knees before you, tugging your hands down from your face before he cups your jaw like he loves to do. you pout at him, still sniffling and trying to avoid his gaze, but he doesn’t let you, gently shaking your head to make you focus on him.
“look at me, baby.”
“‘m looking, ‘kuna.”
“no, do it properly.”
you take a few deep breaths, wiping your nose with your sleeve messily. and lock gazes with him. sukuna leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his free hand resting on top of your head. the weight of it is familiar to you, making you relax into him, your hands wrapping around his arm.
he pulls away, stroking your hair as he looks down at you with a gentle look in his eyes.
“i don’t want her. i only want you and i want you to engrave it into your thick skull or i will do it myself.”
you give him an unsure smile, eyes a little bit brighter now.
“i’m sorry for makin’ you feel like this.”
“i’m sorry for not talking to you about it.”
sukuna nods at you, hugging you close to his chest and kissing the top of your head lovingly, before he tightens his hold on you so much you start punching his back.
“but if you ever decide to run from me again i will kill you.”
“‘kuna, can’t breathe—”
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nvuy · 2 days
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nuvy. nuvy have you heard of the boothill leaks.
YES i did *salutes*
boothill story leaks under cut;
girl dad girl dad
soooo what about boothill falling in love with a single parent with a daughter hmm hmm
like god if he doesn’t just accidently run into the kid and she squeals over him because “hey!! cool robot man!!” and you chase her down and apologise.
he freezes, because your daughter looks so much like his did.
same hair colour, same eye colour, same energy that he could barely keep up with, just learning to walk on two feet properly and string together words to form simple sentences.
it absolutely destroys him. in the worst and best way possible. especially since your daughter practically develops an admiration for him on the spot, begs to be carried, and you’re confused because “sweetie, you shouldn’t be talking to strangers.”
like like.,,,, example……..
Something small and warm wraps around his hand and Boothill glances up quickly from his lap.
There was a little girl searching for his fingers, barely three years old by the looks of it. Pretty tresses of black hair flowing in the wind near the shoreline, sniffling and barely standing on short wobbly legs.
“I need help,” she hiccups, and Boothill melts on the spot. So small and helpless, like a baby bird away from its mother’s nest. “I can’t find my–”
And of course, he stands up, dusts off his pants, and offers her his hand. He guides her away from the beach back towards the market where crowds of people swarm the stalls.
It’s nighttime, cold, and definitely no place for a little girl to be by herself.
“What’s your parents look like, princess?”
He busies himself searching for any targets that would make sense given the girl’s prattling of your appearance down to the colour of your shoes—“White. Like mine.” Hers light up purple with each step she takes—too many faces, too many people.
He stands to give up when he hears somebody frantically running around like a lunatic to every single store, asking if they’ve seen a little girl with light up sneakers wandering about.
“Calm down. I’m sure she’s around here somewhere,” he heard one of the assistants try.
Another shopkeeper offers a pitiful frown and shakes their head.
Boothill nudges the girl, squeezing her small hand in his, careful of his strength around fragile bones. “Is that them?”
She quickly wipes the tears from her face. She then nods and takes off into a sprint to lunge at you, still sobbing when she wraps her arms around your leg.
You sigh in relief and scoop her up into your arms.
Boothill then has an entire conundrum in the middle of the market square. For one, your daughter is waving him over with a smile on her face. Two, you looked like you were about two seconds away from passing out in shock. Your clothes are askew, hair a mess, face flushed and yet simultaneously drained of blood.
He steps closer anyway, though hesitantly. He can’t say no to the little thing whose grin has now grown double the size of her face.
“This is the man that helped me,” she explained softly to you, pointing at him with a small finger.
You scanned him over.
For a moment, he thought you were going to turn around and book it in the other direction. A random ‘robot man’ in the centre of the town square was probably the least most inviting thing he could’ve been. Not to mention he had been sitting at the docks for so long staring out into the water he knew his hair had been tossed wildly from the wind.
Not that you appeared anymore put together.
Instead, you grab his face with a free hand and kiss him on the cheek.
“Thank you,” you whispered hoarsely.
He almost damn near blue screens. The words ‘anything for you’ fight to come forth out of his throat.
Instead, he lets out a garbled noise before he clears his throat. “Of course. Couldn’t let the little princess run too far.” He teased your daughter with a tap to her nose.
She grabs his finger and presses the pads of her own across the metal rivets and joints like she’s studying them curiously.
Your daughter stared up at you with giant puppy eyes, still holding his hand. “Can we keep him?”
It was your turn to make a weird noise, spluttering with your face heating up. “You can’t keep people.”
All the while, Boothill was staring at you as you chastised her with hot cheeks.
No spouse by the looks of it—nor had the little princess mentioned somebody else. He knew kids liked to ramble on about their parents.
Well, his daughter did. Something cold and metallic turned in his stomach. She used to think her dad was a hero.
He wondered if she still would.
No ring on your finger. Adoration was such a gentle expression on your face, and the way you held her so firmly, yet so delicately, said it all.
Oh, if he wasn’t completely head over heels from the very beginning.
the angst potential. The angst potential. Theeee angst potential. i’m gritting my teeth.
i’m going insan e
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milkywaygalaxygurl · 2 days
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The Go-Ahead - Art Donaldson
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request: hiii could you do any plot/story/scenario where tashi knows art is interested/in love/infatuated or just attracted to reader so she gives him the green light as long as it’ll have him play tennis better … sorry if this doesn’t make sense or is weirdly specific i’m just a little obsessed with this scenario
i took some liberties with the personality of Y/N since it wasn’t specified, i made her shy and a little awkward because i could definitely see art falling for an adorably shy woman after being with tashi’s confident self for so long. i wrote this as the reader being female because gender wasn’t specified, but let me know if you’d like me to change it!! i personally really hate the way i wrote this and it’s definitely not my best, i honestly might rewrite it eventually because there’s kind of a lack of romance but i really hope y’all like it:’)
Pairing: Art Donaldson x Female!Reader
Warnings: thoughts of infidelity, probably swearing, suggestive words, idk if i missed anything else but yeah
Word Count: 2.2k
Description: Y/N caught Art’s eye the second she walked into the Stanford reunion Tashi had practically forced Art to attend. He couldn’t believe how breathtakingly beautiful she was or the fact that he was thinking this way about someone other than Tashi. Unbeknownst to Art, Tashi notices and forms a plan.
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Art loved Tashi wholeheartedly, he always had and always would. Some part of him knew that Tashi would never love him as much as he did her, but he felt content knowing she chose him to spend her life with. Even if they fought about tennis and rarely spoke about anything else, Art never thought anybody could take his eyes off Tashi.
That is, until you walked into the venue the Stanford reunion was being held in. It’s almost as if his eyes were drawn to your presence entering the room, eyes immediately snapping towards you. His breath catches in his throat for a second, his eyes widening slightly. He lets out an awkward cough, nodding when Tashi asks if he’s okay.
He tries not to make it obvious when he glances back at you to catch another look, but Tashi notices and follows his line of sight. She has to force herself to hold back a scoff at first, but an idea quickly forms in her head. She studies you just like Art, noticing the way you give awkward smiles and how the flush in your cheeks never seems to lessen as you fidget awkwardly and stumble through small talk with former classmates.
You are beautiful, even Tashi can admit that, she doesn’t blame Art for allowing his eyes to wander (especially with the state of their relationship). As you move closer to the couple, Tashi suddenly realizes that she had a class with you all those years ago. You were kind to her after her knee injury, you weren’t the best of friends but you had taken notes for her while she missed class for physical therapy and always offered a helping hand when needed.
She glances at Art, noticing how his eyes are still trained on you. She chuckles slightly before making her mind up, looping her arm through Art’s and practically dragging him over to where you stand.
“Y/N! Hi, it’s so good to see you!” She plasters on a smile, chuckling slightly when you look at her wide eyed for a second. You were still the same shy girl you were back then, it had honestly always annoyed Tashi how unconfident you were.
“Tashi! Wow, you look amazing.” You smile at her after getting over your initial awkwardness, turning to look at Art for a second before looking back at her. Tashi clocks it immediately, but doesn’t let either of you know.
“Oh hush, look at you! I’m sure you remember Art, right?” She lays a hand on her husband’s arm, turning to look at him. He’s looking at you like a lovesick puppy and, in all honesty, it doesn’t bother her one bit.
“Yeah, of course! You guys were like the prodigies of our class, I think you guys are part of the very few of us who actually went on to make a name for themselves.” You chuckle, glancing at Art again.
It takes Art a minute to even speak, but his mouth finally starts to move as he holds a hand out to you. “It’s nice to meet you. Y/N, was it?”
You shake his hand softly, nodding your head. “I helped Tashi a little after her knee injury, I’m honestly surprised she even remembered me!” Chuckling awkwardly, you take your hand back and hope he didn’t notice how sweaty it was.
Tashi pretends to notice something across the room, apologizing profusely and saying she’ll be right back. When Art tries to follow her, she shoos him away and tells him to stay talking with you. He tries not to seem too excited at the idea, but the way he turns around quickly gives him away.
Art notices the way you fidget with the rings on your fingers and the way your eyes dart around awkwardly as if you’re looking for the nearest escape. He honestly thinks it’s adorable, but tries his best to help you feel less awkward by starting a new conversation.
“What was your major?” He asks, tilting his head to the side slightly. The question seems to ease the tension, your eyes lighting up as you smile.
“Originally it was Journalism but after I realized that I’d have to interview people, I very quickly switched to just having English as my major. I wrote a few books that didn’t get as much attention as I hoped they would, so I’m an editor for a magazine now.”
“It’s actually kind of crazy, the last thing I edited was a column about you.” You smile at him, trying to ignore the way your heart skips a beat when he smiles in return.
“All good things, I hope?” He asks, making you nod your head quickly as you jump to reassure him.
Tashi never returned to the conversation despite swearing she would and you talked with Art for what felt like hours. Before you knew it, you were laughing like old friends and the conversation was flowing nicely. You catch yourself wondering what it would be like if you had met him all those years ago, if maybe he’d have had a crush on you before he dated Tashi.
You knew it was wrong to think that way about a married man, but you rationalized it out by saying they were just thoughts. Truly, that’s all they were. You would never try meddling in a relationship that seemed as strong as theirs. You didn’t realize how long you’d been talking until you glanced down at your phone, your mouth falling open in shock.
“We’ve been talking for so long!” Turning your phone around to show Art the time, his own mouth falls open too before splitting into a grin.
“I really hate to say this, but I really have to go. I have to go into work early tomorrow and I really need to get a good night’s sleep beforehand.” You look up at him with puppy dog eyes and Art swears he felt his heart skip a beat.
“That’s alright, I really enjoyed talking to you. Let’s go find Tashi and we’ll walk you out, we should get going too.” He looks around for a second and almost immediately spots Tashi, pointing her out to you so you two can make your way over.
You say an awkward goodbye once you’re at your car and before you step in, Tashi is calling out to you for your number. “We should keep in touch! We can all go out for drinks sometime.”
You give it to her, honestly a little startled she wanted to keep in contact. You exchange another goodbye before driving off, hoping it wouldn’t be too long before you see Art again.
It took Tashi all of two seconds to turn to Art with a raised eyebrow. “You seemed to really like her.” Her voice is deadpan, her arms crossed.
“Wh- What do you mean?” He looks at her wide eyed, like a child who’s been caught. She chuckles, shaking her head.
“I saw the way you looked at her when she walked in and the whole time you guys were talking, I’m not stupid.” Art gaps at her, his mouth opening and shutting a few times.
“Art, I don’t give a fuck. Why do you think I asked for her number?” He’s still gaping at her, trying to find the right words.
“You’ve been playing like shit, you can’t deny it. She made you the most excited I’ve seen you in a while. If she’s what it takes for you to play good again, I don’t care if you fuck her. Hell, you could enter a full blown relationship with her and I wouldn’t care if it means you play better.”
Art tries to defend himself, tries to say he would never do that to Tashi, but part of him is excited at the prospect of her giving him the go-ahead. After lots of convincing and back and forth between them, Art decides to just go for it. You guys all hung out after that night a few times, but eventually Tashi was always “busy” and it turned into just you and Art going out for drinks or watching movies. It wasn’t until after a few months of these hang outs when Art decided to bring up the idea to you.
“I know this is a really strange offer, but I really just need you to hear me out before you say anything.” His words make you raise an eyebrow as you turn to look at him. You notice how nervous he seems, his thumb rubbing the ring on his finger.
“I find you attractive, I honestly really like you. I know I’m married to Tashi, but her and I have honestly been going downhill for months. All we ever talk about is tennis, she barely even wants to touch me anymore. I- I know it’s strange, but she gave me permission to pursue something with you. If you’re interested, that is.”
You stare at him for a second, your face void of any emotion. “Did she really give you the okay or is this just some manipulation tactic? Because you know how I feel about cheating.”
He nods his head quickly, “If you want, you can talk to her about it. We’ve been discussing this since the night I met you, that’s why these hang outs eventually turned into just you and I.”
You sigh, rubbing your forehead. You couldn’t lie and say that you didn’t want this, but you didn’t want to enter into something that would inevitably cause pain for all parties involved.
“So, what, I’m just supposed to fuck you and then let you go home to your family? I can’t do that to myself, Art.” In the months that you’d been hanging out with Art, your shyness slowly disappeared and he got to see the more confident side of you. He couldn’t deny that it made him like you all the more.
“I-I mean, if you really wanted to, we don’t have to just do that. We could be in a relationship, I could stay with you some nights and go home for Lilly other nights. I don’t want you to think I just want to use you, because I don’t want to. You’re amazing, Y/N. These past few months have been so nice, I love just getting to sit with you and not having to talk about tennis or training. You make me feel normal, like I’m not just a puppet.”
You rub your forehead again, closing your eyes to think. “We can do this, but all three of us need to sit down and discuss boundaries. We need to do this right.”
Art’s face breaks out into a bright grin, his hands reaching for your own. “That’s fine with me, thank you for giving this a chance.”
The next day, you found yourself having the awkward sit down with him and Tashi to discuss boundaries. It took nearly the whole day, but eventually things were settled. With the weight of that off your chest, you felt comfortable starting something with Art.
Months went by and your love for Art only grew deeper. He was so kind and attentive, always making sure you were still okay with the arrangement and that you felt cared for. You feared the dynamic would be weird, but you often saw Tashi and even met Lilly a few times. Things were going amazing and you couldn’t ask for anything more.
It was nearly six months into your relationship the first time Art told you he loved you. You were lying in bed, the TV casting a glow in the otherwise dark room. Art was cuddled into your side, his head resting on her chest and his arm wrapped tightly around you. As he listened to the sound of your heartbeat and felt your chest move with every breath you took, he realized just how glad he was to have met you that night. He had gotten better at playing, he felt more loved than he had honestly ever felt with Tashi, and he was truly and utterly content with his life.
“Y/N?” He whispers your name, propping his head up on your chest to look at you. You look down at him, running your fingers through his hair as you smile softly at him. You hum softly to let him know you’re listening, it was something you did often that made Art’s heart skip several beats.
“I love you, truly. I’m so glad I met you and I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.” His words make you smile, your cheeks heating up as you lean down to give him a million kisses.
“I love you too, my sweet boy.” Art grins at you, sitting up so he can kiss your face. You giggle at the feeling, grabbing his face to pull him in for a real kiss. You were truly so grateful for Art and your relationship, and you were grateful for Tashi allowing it. This was the happiest you’d been in years and you wouldn’t trade it for the world.
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nordschleifes · 1 day
Text
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while you're busy making other plans
➝ your secret with fernando is leaked to the world. and you deal with it in the most chaotic way possible
➝ word count: 4,4k
➝ warnings: coparenting, lies, press, andrea being a little shit and fernando dealing poorly with press
➝ author's note: part two of this one shot. hope you enjoy it.
The notification that appeared on your phone screen.
It displayed a thumbnail image of you standing with Fernando in the Aston Martin garage, while he ran his hand through Leon's hair. You had been talking about that day’s sessions, with your son detailing how impressed he had been with the mechanics' work in getting his car ready for each stage of qualifying.
However, the caption of the photo turned your stomach. “They know about Leon”, the message said.
That was what you feared most since the day your son was born. You had read enough articles on the pages of Spanish magazines to know that you didn't want that life for him. But, at the same time, you knew that all that effort would go down the drain one day, especially when Leon began to understand the real intention of the excuses and compromises you made up to prevent his identity from being revealed.
You just didn't expect this day to come so quickly.
The knock on the door made you wake up from your thoughts, jumping out of bed towards the entrance of the suite. When your eyes met Fernando's, you felt your throat tighten.
— Y/N — he murmured.
— Come in — you managed to say, opening the door.
The driver passed you silently, head down. You didn't need anything else to know that he had already seen the photos and that he wasn't happy with them.
— What now? — you asked softly, as he sat down on the bed.
— I don't know, Y/N — Fernando replied, running a hand through his hair — Where is...
— With Alberto, I asked him to take Leon to his room so we could talk.
The driver let out a sigh as you sat down next to him.
— I have no idea how that happened — he muttered.
— Well, it has always been a possibility, and you know it.
Fernando looked at you with a serious expression.
— The thing is, nobody knew who you were. Alberto was careful to request the credentials in the team's name and not mine, we arrived separately — he pointed out — Did Leon say anything to anyone?
— No, no — you replied, shaking your head — He stayed with me or Alberto the whole time, he didn't say anything much.
Silence took over the room for a few seconds.
— This was leaked — Fernando finally said — Someone leaked it to the press...
— Do you think Luis…
— No, not him. It wasn't anyone around me, I'm sure. Everyone knows that Leon's privacy is the most important thing to me. They wouldn't do that to me, Y/N...
— What guarantees you that they wouldn't do it for money or...
— Y/N, no one close to me would do that — the driver interrupted you, a note of irritation in his voice — Everyone knows that Leon is the most important person in my life and that he is my priority. They wouldn't be able to, I know that.
You had no way of opposing him in that sense. Everyone who knew Leon's real identity were people connected to Fernando for almost 20 years and who knew him well enough to know how careful he was with his son. However, your mind went to the people who were no longer around Fernando, and the realization hit you like a train.
— Andrea — you murmured, before looking at him — It could only have been her.
The driver pressed his lips into a thin line.
— Are you sure?
— She's the only one who could have leaked this.
— Y/N, we can't get ahead of ourselves.
— She knows we're here on the circuit, she saw when I arrived with Leon — you argued, despair rising in your chest.
— That doesn't mean she did it, Y/N — he countered. This made you jump to your feet, feeling a wave of anger rising up your neck.
— How so? She is the only one who is no longer in your inner circle who knows Leon and has contact with the press.
— Andrea wouldn't use Leon against me, Y/N, she knows he's the most important person in my life — Fernando replied, making you bring your hand to his face in disbelief. You couldn't believe he couldn't see what was clear in front of him.
— And that's precisely why she would do that! — you yelled — She wants to hit you where it hurts, Fernando! She wants you to be sad too, to suffer! Don't you understand that?!
Fernando remained silent, looking at you with a grim expression on his face.
— Now, our son's face is everywhere because your ex-girlfriend can't accept that you don't want anything to do with her! — You continued, anger dripping from his words.
— Y/N…
— What?!
— She was the one who broke up with me.
The revelation hit you like a punch in the stomach. If Andrea was the one who had broken up with Fernando, supposed revenge on her part wouldn't make any sense. If she didn't want to be with him, there would be no reason to reveal Leon's identity to the press.
You were back to square one.
— Do you want to know why? — he asked softly, as you sat down next to him again.
— Did she give a reason?
— She said that I had well-defined priorities and that she wasn't one of them.
— Priorities?
— The work, Leon — Fernando hesitated for a few seconds — You.
You felt a churning sensation in your stomach.
— Me? What do I have to do with it?
The driver sighed heavily.
— I always made it clear from the beginning that you and Leon were an essential part of my life — he explained — Andrea accepted it well, but when she realized that I wouldn't give up living with you two, that I wanted to have you around, I think something changed in her mind.
— So she left you and decided to get revenge on top of that? — you questioned.
— It doesn't matter now, Y/N. What matters is that everyone knows about Leon and that we need to do something.
You clenched your jaw, deep in thought. It didn't matter who leaked the story, but rather what you would do to protect Leon from the approaching media storm.
— You can say you don’t know us…
— It’s not possible, there are photos of us on other occasions, with my parents, with Alberto…
— You can say he's Alberto's — you murmured, looking at your hands — We can pretend we're a couple, I believe he won't mind that, especially in these circumstances...
— No, definitely not — Fernando said, his voice firm — You will not compromise because of an error in judgment I made.
— So, you're just going to deny everything?
— Do I have another choice, Y/N?
— They won't buy this story...
— It's my word against that of an anonymous source, Y/N — the driver interrupted you — I can say that you are a friend of mine and that I have great affection for you and your family. That's simple.
You were thinking about the countless questions that could arise from that answer when the door to the suite opened.
— Papá! — Leon exclaimed, turning around the bed to go to Fernando and hug him.
— Hola, mijo — he said, forcing a smile on the boy — How are you?
— Good — the boy replied, as he sat on his lap — I was playing Mario Kart with Galle.
When you looked back, you found Fernando's manager and friend with a small smile on his face as he watched Leon with his father. However, as soon as his eyes met your, you could see the worry that permeated them.
— I bet you beat him, didn't you? — the driver asked.
— Yes, I won — Leon said, smiling — Galle slipped a lot on the banana peels!
— If someone hadn't thrown the peels at me, I would have arrived first — he countered, making the boy laugh — I'm going to have my revenge, there's no point in laughing, okay?
— I want to see that, huh? — Fernando said, while his son continued to provoke Alberto, talking about how he couldn't stop bumping at his opponents.
However, the relaxed air of the conversation was haunted by the dark cloud of reality. The looks you exchanged with the two men contained silent messages, requests for normality to be maintained, for everything to remain the same, for Leon's sake. And considering the subtle nods and goodnight hugs they gave the boy, you were sure that the three of you were completely committed to this mission.
The next day featured all the chaos that kept you awake for most of the night. With a cap firmly placed on Leon's head and the instruction to keep his head down, you entered the paddock holding his hand firmly. The questions mixed with the sound of camera clicks, focused on the reactions of the two of you.
— Leon, Leon, here! — one shouted.
— Where did you meet Fernando, Y/N? — another asked.
— Y/N, can you answer a question for us? — a third asked, as you climbed the stairs of the Aston Martin motorhome without saying a word. However, your expectation of going unnoticed there was shattered when you noticed the curious looks of the employees and guests who were there, the whispers multiplying.
You were still frozen in the same spot when you felt someone pull your hand.
— Mamá, can we go upstairs? — Leon asked softly, a shy expression on his face — I want to see papá.
— Yes, my love, let's go.
Trying to ignore the way you were being observed, you headed up the stairs towards Fernando's room, praying that there was no one else in the hallways of the motorhome. When you opened the door, however, you found Fernando accompanied by Alberto and Fabri, the three of them talking about something that was on Alberto's cell phone screen. Upon noticing their serious expressions, you made to close the door, but Leon reacted faster than you.
— Papá! — the boy exclaimed, entering the room without any ceremony, running into his father's arms — Happy birthday!
Fernando greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, seeming not to mind the interruption. Closing the door, you could feel the tension building up in your neck, making your movements somewhat painful. However, this was not the time to let that show, not when Leon was so happy.
— Thank you so much, my love. You don't know how happy having you here makes me.
— Mamá and I have a gift for you! — he said, looking at you with an expectation that made you give a small smile.
— A gift? — the driver followed his son's gaze, seeming interested — You know you don't need to give me anything, right?
— Leon insisted — you replied, as you opened your bag and took out a small box decorated with a fancy gold ribbon bow from inside. Then, taking a step forward, you handed it to Fernando — Happy birthday.
After a few seconds of hesitation, he picked up the box and examined it from the outside, the gold Richard Mille logo catching his attention. Giving his son a smile, the pilot undid the bow and opened the box, his eyes widening when he saw what was there.
— That…
— It's a new watch! — Leon exclaimed — Mamá and I made it for you!
Fernando looked at the gift with surprise, seeming not to believe what he had in his hands.
— You made this? — he asked, as he took the accessory out of the box to look at it.
— Yes! — the son responded immediately — Tell him, mamá!
— Richard said that you talked about samurai culture and that you were thinking about creating a model inspired by that a few years ago — you explained — At the end of last year, he called me to continue the project and this is the first functional prototype, what we call 000.
— I chose the colors! — Leon added, making you smile.
After a few seconds contemplating the details of the watch, Fernando hugged Leon and kissed the boy on the cheek again, murmuring something in Spanish to him. Then it was your turn to get a tight hug from him.
— Thank you for that.
— You know it's the least we can do for you, considering everything you've already done for us.
— It was my obligation, Y/N…
— And this is my way — you stopped, while Leon leaned against one of his father's legs, carefully observing the conversation between the two of you — Our way of showing how much we appreciate you for this.
The driver's smile was wide, framed by the same dimples that Leon had in his cheeks and that, seven years ago, had made your heart beat faster. However, you didn't have time to savor the feeling that took over your chest before he said that he needed to get ready for the meeting with the engineers before qualifying for the Sprint race.
With a new hug from Leon and a promise that you would see each other later, you left Fernando's room and went to the area reserved for team guests, where Melina welcomed the two of you with a wide smile. After suggesting the boy a plate of waffles and promising you that there would be no chocolate sauce like the day before, you stayed there, observing the hospitality and paddock movement, waiting for the time of the activities on the track.
Unfortunately, it had not been Fernando's day. After a difficult and rain-delayed qualifying, the Sprint was even more frustrating. Sitting in front of the television, you shook your foot insistently while Leon was standing, biting his nails even after you told him not to.
Then, exactly what you had been afraid of played out in front of you.
— Alonso! Fernando Alonso! — the narrator exclaimed, making your son's eyes widen — Off the track, on the gravel and outside the Sprint, bringing the Safety Car back to the track here in Spa-Francorchamps.
Repeating the image brought you a bit of relief, as the driver had not, in fact, hit the barrier, but had simply spinned onto the wet track and headed towards the escape zone. However, this didn't make Leon calmer, on the contrary.
— Mamá — he asked softly — Is papá okay?
Looking back at the screen in front of you, the image of Fernando walking alongside the marshalls made you give Leon a smile.
— Yes, he's fine, my love.
— Will he be able to have dinner with us today? — he asked, his voice full of hope.
— Yes, I'm sure. Now, let's continue watching the race and then go down to get a snack, what do you think?
With a vigorous nod, Leon sat down next to you, eyes focused on the action unfolding on the track. He celebrated the fight between Sergio Perez and Lewis Hamilton, as well as the overtaking of Carlos Sainz, saying he was good “like papá”. After the checkered flag and the podium ceremony, you invited your son to come with you downstairs.
Upon arriving at the common room of the hospitality, which was slightly empty, you were talking to one of the employees when you felt Leon pull your hand, trying to get your attention.
— Mamá, look over there — he said softly, pointing to one of the screens. In it, Fernando was in front of the microphone, a serious expression on his face. Giving him a small smile, you turned your attention to the employee, who had questioned you about Leon's juice.
After confirming the order and having your pass scanned, you looked again at your son, who was still staring at the television with a serious expression, as if he was paying attention to what Fernando was saying in Spanish. However, you only discovered what had happened later, when you were back at the hotel.
— Now, you go to the shower and I'll sort your clothes so we can go to dinner with your papá — you said, as you dropped your cell phone on the bed. However, when you turned around, you noticed that Leon was hesitant, his eyes on his hands — Is there a problem?
— Mamá, is papá my real papá?
You blinked, a little shocked by that question.
— Why are you asking?
— They asked papá if he had a son on television — the boy said, his voice full of sadness — And he said no.
Guilt made your heart feel heavy in your chest. You definitely didn't expect Leon to see any of Fernando’s interviews, especially one in which he had been mentioned. Pursing your lips, you tried to reorganize your thoughts, looking for the best answer for him, one that said what he needed to know at that moment and that's all.
However, you didn't even say a word.
— Is it true, mamá?
— My love, please — you murmured, sitting on the bed with wobbly legs, your heart racing inside your chest.
— Papá isn’t my papá? — he continued asking, his brown eyes filled with something you had never seen in him before.
Anger.
— Leon, you don’t know what you’re talking about…
— I do! — the boy exclaimed — I saw papá saying that he didn't have any children, that that was nonsense. He doesn't have a son, I'm not his son!
— Can you hear me, Leon? — your voice rising.
— No! — he shouted — You lied to me! Everyone lied to me!
— It's not like that, let me explain — you tried to say, while the boy walked with heavy steps to the bathroom.
— Lies, all lies! — Leon shouted, before entering the bathroom and closing the door violently.
Something about that scene reminded you of your own adolescence. You felt like you were watching yourself argue heatedly with your parents and, in an attempt to escape that, you hid inside your room, but not before slamming the door hard, taking out all your anger on her.
However, Leon was not a teenager, but just a boy.
He was your little boy.
You didn't even notice when the first tear ran down his face, bitter and completely lost. At that moment, with Leon thinking that his life had been a real lie, you had no idea what to do. Forcibly entering the bathroom to try to explain things felt wrong, as did shouting the truth at the wood.
Then, a knock on the door made something light up in his mind.
Running to the door, you clumsily opened it, praying that it was whoever you needed that was there by your side.
— Good evening — Fernando greeted you, his smile dying when he saw your red eyes and wet cheeks — What happened, Y/N?
— It's Leon — you stammered, your eyes filling with tears.
He walked past you with heavy steps, his expression serious.
— Where is he? What happened to my son?
You looked at him sadly.
— Leon thinks you’re not his father — you just said, your voice breaking.
The driver looked shocked by that, as if he couldn't believe what you had said.
— What?
— He saw the interview after the Sprint and came to this conclusion. I don't know how or why, but he's convinced we lied to him.
Fernando passed a hand over his face, dismayed.
— I didn’t say anything much…
— It was enough for him — you replied harshly, even by your standards. However, he didn't seem to mind, going to the bathroom door and knocking gently.
— Mijo? It's papá, please open.
— No! — Leon shouted.
— Please, my love, let papá explain to you…
— I don't want to hear you!
He let out a heavy sigh, resting his forehead against the wood.
His son didn't want to talk to him, or anyone.
Asking you to inform him of any developments, you watched Fernando exit the suite you were sharing with Leon in silence, his shoulders slumped as if he was carrying something extremely heavy on his back. Probably guilt for having said what shouldn't have been said, even though the intention was the best possible.
The silence after the bedroom door closed seemed to last for ages. Lying in bed, you stared at the ceiling in silence. The tears had already stopped flowing some time ago when you heard the bathroom handle turn and the door open, revealing Leon. Sitting down on the mattress, you saw that the boy's eyes were red and his nose was still running, which indicated that he had been crying.
Silently, he sat near your legs, head down.
— Leon — you murmured, hesitantly.
— I want to leave — the boy said, his voice surprisingly firm.
— But, we have the race tomorrow, papá said...
— I don't want to watch the race anymore — Leon interrupted you, looking at you — I want to go home, mamá.
The news that his son wanted to leave Spa as soon as possible, without even watching the race, hit Fernando like a bombshell. He even asked you to try to convince him to stay until morning, so the two of you could talk better, but Leon was impassive.
And, as the lights came on on the track, the two of you were already in the air, heading home in absolute silence.
The following months followed in the same way. As much as you and Fernando hoped that Leon would give in and talk to his father, he remained impassive. During the summer break, there were many times that the driver went to your house to see him, without any success. The answer was always the same.
— He's not my father.
The only person he still allowed himself to see was Alberto, who was trying to break the barriers imposed by the boy. However, after an afternoon of walking with him, Galle looked at you with a worried expression, a strong contrast to the smile with which he had said goodbye to his godson.
— Did something happen? Is it about Fernando?
— Yeah — he said, passing a hand over his face — I didn't say anything, just to make it clear, it was Leon who asked about Fer and...
— What he said?
— He asked how Fer was doing, with those words. I replied that he was fine, but very sad that he wasn't talking to him, that he was missing him.
— Did Leon say anything about that?
— Just that he doesn't understand the fact that he's missing him because he's nothing to Fernando, he has no reason to care about that — Alberto replied, punctuating with a heavy sigh — Look, Y/N, I really don't know if I don't It's time to sit down with him and explain this misunderstanding...
— You think I didn't try? — you returned, crossing your arms.
— I imagine there is, but maybe you call Fer and the three of you sit down and talk seriously...
— Leon doesn’t want to talk…
— He can't just ignore his own father forever, Y/N — Alberto interrupted you, gesturing with one of his hands — You'll have to come up with some idea to help him, otherwise, Fer will go crazy.
You spent the next few days with that in your head, your mind searching for the best way to show Leon that Fernando was his father and that, above all, he loved him. Among his ideas was the possibility of asking the driver's parents to intervene or simply taking him to a psychologist and letting her lead the conversation.
Until an idea came to your mind.
The easy part was convincing Fernando to do that. Of course, it wasn't simple, considering all the implications it would have on your lives, especially when it came to your privacy. However, the idea of ​​being rejected for the rest of his life by his son made the driver give in.
The real challenge was convincing Leon to sit next to you to watch the television, which was already tuned to the channel he would appear on. The boy resisted bravely, stating that he didn't want to see Fernando and that he didn't like Formula 1 anymore. However, somehow, the image of his father on television made him stop, his eyes attentive.
— We're here with Fernando Alonso, Aston Martin driver, how are you?
— Everything's great — he replied with a smile.
— McLaren will be a challenge for you here in Abu Dhabi, right?
— Yes, totally. In the last two races, we gained more points than them, but we need a small miracle to overcome them — the driver explained — We are separated by 11 points, but we will try. Our main motivation is the constructors' championship.
— Now, with this season over, what are your plans?
— Well, the main thing is to rest, especially after so many trips. After the race, I go home to spend some time with Leon.
The mention to his son made the reporter's eyes widen.
— Leon, you mean…
— My son, yes. I did my best to avoid speculation and protect his and his mother's privacy, but it doesn't do much good right now and, if I can be honest, I was tired of not being able to tell him how amazing he is and how much I love him.
— I assume he likes speed — the man asked, still looking disconcerted.
— He loves it, understands everything and can’t wait to start driving. But he also loves drawing and plays football very well, so we'll have a lot to do during this vacation.
After he greeted the reporter one last time and left the camera, you looked at Leon, who was staring at the television in silence.
— Are you fine, my love? — you asked.
— Papá talked about me — he stammered, looking at you.
— Yes, he did, did you see?
— He said he loves me…
— Papá always loved you, Leon. From the beginning, when you were still in mamá's belly. He loves you very much and nothing will change that.
The boy smiled at you for the first time in a long time.
— Can we call him, mamá?
— Do you want to talk to papá?
— Yes, I do.
You felt tears as you searched for Fernando's contact details on your cell phone. Tapping the video call icon, the driver's image appeared almost immediately on your screen, his expression indicating the anxiety he felt.
— So, Y/N, did it work? — he asked.
Turning the phone to Leon, the boy's smile grew even wider.
— Hi, papá…
— Hi, mijo — you heard Fernando ask with a choked voice — Did you see papá on television?
— I did.
— Did you see I talked about you? — he questioned, with Leon nodding positively in response — Do you understand now that papá loves you?
A few seconds of silence followed, tension building in your shoulders.
Then, another positive wave from the boy made you smile, tears streaming down your face.
— I love you so much, mijo. You are the most precious thing I have in my life and I would never do anything if it wasn't for your happiness and your safety.
— I love you too, papá.
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yannaryartside · 2 days
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CARMY NEVER WANTED TO CREATE A MENU WITH SYD.
AND WHY THAT IS THE CORE THEME OF THE SHOW
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PART 1: THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIEVES
So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet. 
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so" "It was my fault that I was molested." "I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way. 
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others. 
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
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I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
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When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
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This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
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Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
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When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
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Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
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Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
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jeeaark · 3 days
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in a timeline where the illithid invasion never happen, a world where the absolute never existed, what would greygold's life be like? or maybe even lae'zel's? a world where they stumble upon each other without all the destruction around them.
The funny thing is.
Without squids trying to ruin their life, Greygold would have never discovered the power of friendship
Worse even, they'd still be a dispassionate lone ranger with questionable bird ethics surviving the wilderness and living off raw eggs like a weirdo.
Meanwhile, Lae'zel is still a Vlaakith devotee and if they stumble upon each other without a plot to drive them to work together and get to know each other... Bad things would happen! Someone would probably die. Most likely Greygold. But! Lets say. A plot did happen.
Buckle up buckaroos. This train thought went off the rails enough that I had to draw pics. Faster than writing out a 13k+ fic (for me anyway).
Let's say Greygold got the 'steal the githyanki egg ' job from Esther. Let's say they succeeded in sneaking in and out without too much of a fuss (mostly involving cat familiar distractions). And something Unfortunate happens before Greygold could complete the quest, leaving Greygold with an egg that eventually hatches:
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And the githyanki child is not your average run-of-the-mill space lad either (Who loves eating raw eggs now too. It's fine. Builds character. Probably) But uh yeah, that whoosh accidentally cosmos-signaled all the githyankis and Vlaakith to which she reacts with a 'Wtf? Did anybody just get Prince of the Comet vibes from that? With a "I love egg" aftertaste? No? Just me? Hrm.... I do currently have a lot of free time on my hands....Fetch me that child. I want to study him like a bug. I'm suddenly feeling... Creatively ambitious with a side case of nefarious today. Might bury an old big secret if that kid is replacement-viable.' Thus search patrols investigate-
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And never return.
After the first surprise patrol disaster, Greygold has been putting their danger ranger skills to good use via setting up counter-ambushes for all the constant surprise attacks. Classic "who is hunting who?" ordeal.
Nonetheless, there is more of them than there is of Greygold, so they resort to hiding in the Underdark after realizing the githyankis don't have dark vision and it's more environmentally dangerous than the surface. It is also a fun learning experience for the kid. Search patrols continue to never return. Until-
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Lae'zel can't help but notice her mission orders do not add up and her rationality has a mighty need to make sense of it before solving problems with immediate hostility. Meanwhile this has been Greygold's first super tiny dose of kindness involving people interactions in years. Instant crush. Chase Shenanigans Ensue. Until child makes their first hunting trap. Instead of catching food, Lae'zel is captured. It also turns out the over-the-top trap involves sinking sand and a nest of Ankhegs (giant burrowing man-eating bugs). Greygold tries to help Lae'zel. For Reasons.
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Something akin to mutual respect is formed. Stuck working together. Get to know each other. Discuss contradictions with mission. Verdigris worms his way into Lae'zel's heart (as much as she loathes his name). Escape the Ankheg nest which had terribly escalated because a giant fire ant invasion decided to overrun the ankheg nest at the same time.
Everyone is covered in bug guts after this.
Something something bond over experience enough to trust and listen to each other's opinions. Short Rest. Negotiate. Discuss plans to investigate Da Truth together. Shenanigans Ensue. Then Bad Shenanigans Ensue. Argument Ensues, resulting in Lae'zel Splitting Off. Verdigris disagrees with this approach and chases Lae'zel in order to bring back. Unanticipated Ambush happens at most inopportune moment. Greygold is Captured.
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But they escape. Not before confronting Vlaakith's projection and discovering her plans and secrets thanks to one extremely curious Verdigrisgold (Verdi for short omg so long) with ridiculous super psionic powers.
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And then they coincidentally interwovenly meet/save/recruit their bg3 companions anyway because there are no mindflayer abduction to stall certain ill-fated situations from happening to certain Companions-to-be and I need for them to be OKAY. So. Greygold discovers the power of friendship again. But is also now co-parenting a fate-of-the-githyanki-freedom child with Ex-Vlaakith-devotee Lae'zel. How's that for an AU timeline?
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maezysworld · 2 days
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test subject x the ghoul pt 1
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Pairing: cooper howard x fem! cat mutant & sniper reader (thats a mouth full lol)
I've never really written stories like this but i think this is a fun idea so ill try my best anyways please please please msg me if you have ideas and or suggestions (i am sensitive please be nice LMAO)
Warnings: slow burn, writer is dyslexic, might be slightly out of character, a whole lot of guns, not proof read
context: you are part cat due to being experimented on you have the cat ears and eyes along with all there senses (i do plan on making a full backstory)
your on the search for a doctor who has a large sum of caps over his head, you could care less about the caps you don't have a lot to do in this world so you take any opportunity you can to have some fun no matter how risky it could be. considering the amount of caps, you already know it will be quite the task but you don't mind playing with your food.
you've asked around the wasteland a little (not that a lot of people really said anything useful) but any information you got led you to a town called filly. you entered filly walking in trying your best not to draw more attention to yourself, the gasmask your wearing doesn't really help with that but you don't really need people knowing you have animal ears and eyes. you take in your surroundings as you walk with a crowd looking for the highest most excluded building you could see when a ghoul catches your eyes, you walk a bit slower admiring him for a moment watching him roll a vile in between his fingers before snapping out of your trans and picking up you pace again.
you get to the top of the building staying low to the ground making sure no one sees you up here before laying on your stomach and pulling out your sniper riffle. you sit and watch everything for about 7 minutes until a familiar doctor falls into you glance. you don't even bother lining up your scope to his head, you don't feel the need to someone else is bound to get him after you shoot him regardless but that's more then okay with you, you don't mind playing a waiting game.
you see him talking to a vault dweller just before an older woman who seems to run a shop approach them, you try you best to listen in but all you can seem to make out is the shop owner saying something about getting out of here. "this gasmask is fucking me over" you whisper with a sigh readjusting your arm a bit to be more comfortable.
suddenly the ghoul stands up, along with a few people just now noticing there's a ghoul in the town as they cautiously speed walk away from the area. the ghoul shouts something about this doctor having a hefty price over his head as almost everyone moves away from the man. a sly smile grows on your face now knowing hes involved with this bounty as well. the shop owner says something and before she can even finish her sentence the ghoul shoots the mans foot off, the poor vault dweller just stands there in fear and confusion, a wave of sympathy overcomes you knowing you were just like her you almost wish you still were.
the old woman shouts "i gotta 1000 bottle caps for who ever kills that fucker!!... but you dont get SHIT if i kill em first!". your not to sure why but after hearing that you start to focus your scope on anyone who starts to even look at him. the ghoul holds his gun out gun on the trigger ready to shoot just waiting for someone to make the first move as he looks around in a circle. a man in a black hat and googles pulls out his gun but before he can even pull the trigger the ghoul shoots him in the chest, his bullet exploding on impact. immediately after more people start shooting at him, he turns in a circle again shooting anyone who try's to get near him as you shoot the people from a distance. in all honesty you know he probably doesn't need your help but still you continue with out a reason to be doing so. you see someone trying to come at him with a knife from behind and just as the ghoul turns around to attack you shoot the man with the knife and the glare of your scope hits the ghouls eye and he looks up as you give a slight wave right before pointing to signal behind him as a brother a steel knight shows up.
you see the old woman and the vault dweller go run and hide into the shop bringing the doctor with him. you know you wont to much to the walking tin man so you decide to go down and listen in. you try your best to sneak in with out anyone seeing you but as the ghoul is on some broken steps you look over at him and with out a doubt he was looking dead at you before getting right back into combat. you ignore it and continue to snoop in on the others.
you keep your back pressed tightly agents the wall. hear the woman convince the vault dweller to take the doctor to moldaver, you've heard of the woman but have never had any encounters with her based off the things you've heard you know this will be a good time (you would have never found anything about this situation fun before the war). you start making your way out of the building after hearing that its plenty for you to go off along with now having both the doctor and the vault dwellers sent. you decide to hide in a ally and wait for things to die down before leaving.
after about 9 minutest you don't hear metal clacking or guns shooting you start to leave filly. you didnt get to far outside of the town before you hear a gun cock behind you "aint you a little over prepared?" you hear a mans voice with a southern accent referring to your gas mask. you turn to face the voice seeing the ghoul you've been eyeing this whole trip "doesn't effect you now does it? is the gun really nectary after i helped you?" you scoff offended but knowing youd do the same "now i aint ask you to do that for me, did i?" he says finger on the trigger. you think for a moment 'rude ass' you think to yourself "i guess not, but a thank you would be nice" you say with sarcasm in your voice. The Ghoul keeps his eyes upon you as you speak, the gun never moving. He lets out a short laugh at your attempt to engage. "You want a thank you for a job half done? bailed in the middle of a fight.. not that id thank you anyways i didnt need your help smooth skin. what's you goal here you tryn to steal my bounty" he says sounding more relaxed than he should be. "not necessarily, i don't want the caps if that's what your worried about." the gun never wavers even as you speak. "so just what do you want then?". "entertainment, not much to do in this world." you say with a smile on your face, not that he can see it. The Ghoul is surprised by your answer. He lowers his gun slightly, looking you up and down, but still doesn't trust you. "You ain't got better things to do with your time? Like finding food, or water, or caps?". those things are all fairly easy to come across for you, your sneaky and when you want something you take it. "lets say that all comes easy" Something you said intrigues him, and his gaze lingers on you a little longer. He shifts his weight to his left foot, and holsters his gun. "You saying food, water, caps just comes to you?". you relax abit more now that his guns down "i never said that, its just easy to get. now i have some information that may be of use to you, and im more then happy to give it under one condition" The Ghoul's interest is piqued. His curiosity getting the better of him, he nods his head. He wants to see if what you're peddling is actually worth something. "And what would that condition be?". you feel excited, youve never traveld with someone much less had company in years and the though of him agreeing (even if its not very friendly) makes you happy "i come with you on your bounty." He considers it, still not fully trusting you, but also intrigued by your offer. "And why the Hell would I want you along for a bounty hunt? Why should I trust you? What's to stop you from just turning on me? "he responds "you interest me, my weapons aren't out now are they? if i wanted to kill you i would have done it while i was on the roof" you say slightly muffled from your gas mask. He looks at you for a moment, thinking it over. He didn't like the idea of traveling with someone he didn't know, but he wouldnt mind the help from someone who knows how use to use a gun(not that he'd ever admit that). "Fine, we'll go after the bounty. But the second I even get a hint you're planning something, I'll kill you where you stand. We clear?". "understood." you say trying your hardest not to sound excited. He nods, then turns and begins walking away the dog standing behind him following. He calls over his shoulder to you.
please let me know what you guys think of this and im open to any suggestions and ideas ( i would also love name ideas for this) :)
notes: @s-lock-doctordonna I LOVED YOUR IDEAS AND I WILL BE USEING THANK YOU <3
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fox-guardian · 2 days
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personally 👀 if u would like to elaborate on the saw au 👀 i am listening 👀
hi <3 this ask is months old <3 but i am answering it now teehee
SO. TMA SAW AU (disclaimer: i have only seen the first two movies so idk if these are very like. film accurate style traps)
basically it's just. what if a saw movie happened to the archive gang. they're all in one big space that's like a big trap in the sense that they all have the same time limit but they all get their own little traps also <3 the breakdown is this:
Jon is gagged with a camera in his mouth that he cannot remove without a key, it's strapped to his face with horrible rusted metal, y'know. Once time runs out, the battery powering the camera will leak down his throat killing him so so painfully <3 He cannot speak and must find other ways to communicate with the others.
Sasha has what is essentially a VR headset strapped to her head and she can't remove that without a key either. The headset is showing her the live feed from Jon's camera, so she essentially has to see through his eyes the entire time. When time runs out, two big ol' spikes will stab her in the eyes and give her a good ol' fashioned impromptu lobotomy <3
Tim's trap is a bit different from the others'. Instead of a contraption, he was injected with a paralytic prior to the gang waking up, and is paralyzed from the waist down. He needs a key to obtain the antidote for the paralytic. Rather than having a specific time when he suddenly dies, he's essentially either relying on the others to help him move/get the key/antidote for him, or he needs to move himself despite his paralysis in order to live. So when time runs out, it's either find a way to move anyway or wait for the paralytic to travel further through his body and kill him slowly after experiencing many terribly side effects (hypotension, bronchospams, and renal failure)
Martin is even more different. His trap is less about his death and more about saving the others. He's placed in a big freezer where he basically needs to find the others' keys in blocks of ice (joshua gillespie core) and if he doesn't, they'll definitely die. He also has the option of finding the key to unlocking his own door and simply escaping without saving the others. He also also has the option of only taking some keys, but not all. He will know which will save who, and gets to choose. The trap itself isn't that difficult, but there's A Lot Of Ice, and it's Really Cold and he's Already Been There A While so there's a chance of dying of hypothermia if he can't find the keys fast enough (or if he spends the time finding the others' keys after he's found his own).
Jon, Tim, and Sasha all wake up in the same room together. Jon wakes up first and is able to watch a video tape explaining what's going on, but it can't be watched more than once, so he has to explain what's happening to the others without being able to speak. He can't speak, only play charades and listen.
Sasha isn't able to see except through Jon's eyes, so he has to rely on the two of them to make sure she's not walking into more danger. She also is unable to understand any of Jon's explanations since a lot of it is through body language and She Can't See That, so they have to work together so she can watch Tim translate. She can't see through her own eyes and is forced to watch through someone else's.
Tim either has to trust that the others will come back for him (and that they won't die somewhere in this building) or get them to carry him around, slowing them down but giving him more of a chance at survival. He either has to take action, or simply wait and trust.
Martin has to make a choice between risking what's left of his life for other people (some of which who don't care about him), or saving himself. Even if the others find the room he's in, it's locked from the inside so it is entirely on Martin to save both himself and everyone else. Not only do the others have to rely on each other, but they all have to rely on Martin. The door will lock behind him when he leaves, so if he doesn't get everyone's keys, then whoever is left without one will die.
idk if these traps are entirely fitting for all their character's and flaws and whatnot, but for the research trio i thought it'd be fun to do an audio/vigilo/opperior with them and then martin gets to play god suddenly lol.
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wineauntie · 4 hours
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Hehe so what about for Quinn and single!Mom……when Quinn tells his parents he met someone and that she has a kid and how his parents react 🤭
ALL I NEED – family is family au
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“Mom? Dad? I want to talk to you two about something for a second,”
Quinn watched as his parents exchanged a concerned look through the screen of his phone. He’d been with you for six months now, learning all about you and Evie’s life. During that time, he’d fallen in love with the two of you, coming to adore how much the two of you made his life infinitely better.
“I’m seeing someone,” Quinn blurted out, scratching his chin as his parents broke out in grins.
“Oh Quinn, that’s great, honey!” Ellen beamed, watching as her son visibly lost the tension in his shoulders. “Tell me all about her!”
“Well, her name is y/n and she’s just…” he paused as a smile swept across his face, the thoughts and images of you swirling across his head. “She’s incredible. She’s kind, loving and funny. She’s…she’s everything.”
His mom and dad ‘awed’ through the screen as a flush of pink caressed his cheeks.
“I did have to tell you something else though,” Quinn shifted in his seat. His parents were some of the most dedicated, kind and open people he knew, but telling them about Evie? It scared him a little.
Deep down he knew that they would love Evie just as he did, but there was that little worry that they would be reluctant to the idea. (Not that it would matter to Quinn, nothing could tear him from you two at this rate.)
“So, there’s someone else too,” Quinn hesitated, feeling the weight of his worry press into his chest.
His parents exchanged a curious glance, their expressions shifting from excitement to intrigue.
“Quinn, honey?” Ellen began, “Are you dating two girls?!”
“No, god no...Never! You raised me better than that,” He quickly cleared up with an awkward laugh. “Her name is Evie,” Quinn continued, his voice a little softer now. “She’s y/n’s daughter…and she’s amazing. She’s been a huge part of my life for a while now.”
There was a brief silence on the other end of the call. Quinn gulped while holding his breath, unsure of how his parents would react. Then, unexpectedly, it was his dad that spoke up first.
“Well, Quinn,” his dad began, his tone warm and reassuring, “we’re just happy to see you happy. Whoever makes you feel this way, whoever adds so much joy to your life, they’re more than welcome in our family.”
Quinn felt a surge of relief flood through him, his heart swelling with gratitude for his parents’ understanding and acceptance.
“Thanks, Dad,” Quinn said, a smile spreading across his face. “I really appreciate that.”
“And we can’t wait to meet both y/n and Evie,” Ellen chimed in, her eyes shining with genuine excitement. “They’re lucky to have you, Quinn.”
“I’m lucky to have them,” he corrected, settling back into the couch in relief whilst a sense of peace settled over him. “They’re all I need.”
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somehow-a-human · 2 days
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The angels don't have to ask to enter the bookshop.
DO NOT ASK NEIL ABOUT FAN THEORY.
We've been operating under the assumption that BOTH the angels and demons have to ask to enter the bookshop, but I don't think that's true. I'm pretty sure it's one of our red herrings for season 2.
Continued under the cut.
When Gabriel shows up to the bookshop nude and oblivious, the doors are closed and (i believe) locked, Gabriel doesn't even know who or where he is, so he does what the default is... he knocks, and asks "Can I come in?" Aziraphale is frightened at first and tells him he can't come in but eventually our angels empathy wins and he says "Alright! Just... just get in!"
>> We're never told Gabriel wouldn't have been able to come in otherwise.
When the Archangels show up Aziraphale literally cuts them off before they reach the door of the bookshop. Saraqael suggests, "Shall we discuss this inside?", and Aziraphale continues, "By all means. Would you like to come in?"
>> If Aziraphale hadn't rushed out to meet the angels, why wouldn't they have just walked into the bookshop like they did numerous times in season 1?
When Muriel arrives to surveil Aziraphale they ask, "Great! Well, could I come in and do it inside please? Only cause it's really noisy out here and I can't hear anything." Aziraphale replies, "By all means."
>> Muriel is a plucky angel who doesn't know much about life on earth but had the shop been open and unlocked they might've just wandered in as well.
We're never told the angels *can't* enter the bookshop explicitly like we are for the demons. We've always just assumed the same rules apply to all of the ethereal and occult beings.
But then, might I ask, why does Aziraphale tell us "Technically, this bookshop still counts as an Embassy"?
If the bookshop is still an embassy, the angels wouldn't need permission to enter, they would still have jurisdiction, and would still be able to monitor what's going on there... yes?
Let's compare this to the demons attempts to enter the bookshop, because Shax states clearly that she can't enter without permission. We see this again when she tries to get into the Bentley after it's canonically 'our car', and therefore at least partially owned by an angel.
I'm pretty sure John and Neil make a point of having the angels all ask in some way to enter, and Aziraphale seem to grant them permission as a red herring. They don't need to, but they want us to assume a false sense of security, to think that the bookshop is a safe space for our duo, outside of the reaches of both Heaven and Hell.
Technicalities are big in season 2 and I definitely think they're a huge underlying string running through all of Good Omens. In season 1, Crowley and Aziraphale stop Heaven and Hell from trying to restart Armageddon on a technicality. Gabriel and Beelzebub don't technically know if the great plan *is* the ineffable plan! It's definitely a favorite trope of Terry and Neil's to mock unfair, broken, bureaucratic systems, and Heaven and Hell are a PERFECT example of this.
**Somebody has written a meta on technicalities, I know I've seen it but I cannot for the life of me find it so if anyone could tag me so I could link it that would be brills! (Yeah that's right I'm adopting that from Charles from Dead Boy Detectives, 80's british slang ftw, I'm obsessed; please watch it please I need a second season.)
Neil has mentioned that the plot for season 3 might've had to be changed from he and Terry's original vision a bit, based on the political climate of the current day, and I'm sure that means we'll see some technicalities being the downfall of Heaven and Hells systems in Season 3 as well. I don't think the metatron is a villain, nor any of the other angels or demons. They're just fulfilling their function, following a set of rules, very much to a fault. This is all just God's big experiment after all, freewill, choice, eating the apple, and the angels and demons aren't exempt.
I wouldn't be surprised if there's some sort of technicality about the angels and demons themselves in season 3. We've seen that they're of the same stock, and we know Crowley at least is technically still the same person he was when he was an angel... more or less. Could the book of life end up revealing something like that the demons still exist perpetually as their angelsonas? A technicality, if you will?
Given the bookshop is still technically an embassy, is everything that happens inside observable by Heaven? Can they access the bookshop in their Earth Observation Files? There is some questionable blocking surrounding the bust in Aziraphale's bookshop, coupled with a curious record cover from Maggie's bookshop pointed out by @noneorother
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One more thing to add, when Crowley and Aziraphale do the Gabriel hiding miracle, and the first large time discontinuity happens, something that still draws my attention in that moment is Aziraphale's expression after Jim emerges upstairs.
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Just after Crowley has suggested the miracle, and just before Jim emerges from upstairs, Aziraphale is looking off toward the bookshop entrance, and after we cut away to Gabriel and then back...
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Aziraphale looks momentarily terrified, he knows Gabriel is upstairs, and he's the one who wanted to hide him in the first place why would he be so scared? And he clearly isn't looking at Gabriel. Crowley is looking up at the archangel but Aziraphales eyeline is lower, possibly looking toward a certain... statue???
Anyway... Let me know your thoughts. I haven't been posting as much, I have been mega busy and I'm trying to be thankful for it. Love you all, hope you have something nice happen for you today! <3
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13.00
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Non-Idol Choi San x (F)Reader
Summary: So maybe 'colour with numbers' was a serious activity after all.
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1.6 k
Est.Read Time: 15 min
Rating: SFW
Networks: @cromernet @k-labels
@san-network
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"Um...in my defense um...at least she can colour well! Look, it's inside the lines." Scratching his eyebrow he smiled nervously at the paper in hand, who knew his daughter's teacher would call him in from work for this, the poor taekwon-do sabom had to leave his students in the hand of his newest trainee- let's just say he didn't trust the kids with Wooyoung, especially since they spent the last time he had left them alone, playing Uno for two hours straight.
"Mr.Choi, I understand you're a busy man, and running a dojang is difficult, however, I specifically remember telling you that your daughter still needs to work on her 'colour with numbers' skills." She sighed, rubbing her temples, this was an ongoing issue and she was yet to understand why the father of this cute little girl would not understand the gravity of learning colours and numbers.
"I- I know, Miss, but I- I tried, I even took Saturdays off from work to teach her, but she just doesn't listen, and she's very convincing when she has a certain point of view, I think she gets it from her mother." He chuckled, trying to use all tactics he'd learned in damage control, it is not like he didn't try, he did, but when he tried to explain to his little girl how the world works - the world of colouring with numbers- she had simply refused. She had looked up at her father with a similar pout, one that he knew resembled him, as mentioned by his wife ever since she was born, her hair tied up in a ponytail with a purple ribbon, little heart-shaped clips decorating the rest of her hair, matching her clip on heart earrings- her mother really did treat her like a doll sometimes- as she pointed at the flower and let out an "Appa, I like this colour more." And that's exactly how and why he let her colour the flower blue, the leaves yellow, the sky purple and the sun green. His little princess liked it that way and who was he to say no?
"Really now." The woman crossed her arms, leaning back against her chair as she eyed the bigger man, from the way his eyes turned into feline-like slits when he gave her that dimpled smile, his uniform jacket making him look bigger or perhaps he had grown bigger, and that- "What happened to your thumb?"
"Oh...I scratched it," he mused, eying the clock on the wall, 12.56 PM, thank god this was over, he probably couldn't take any more of this interrogation, honestly who was he to tell a child what to do and what no- when it came to colouring that is, otherwise Choi San wasn't the most lenient father, even with his daughter, he was soft, there was no doubt about that, but there was a set routine she was to follow, a balanced life is a healthy life. He wasn't swayed the slightest when she'd ask for dessert after bedtime, or when she'd ask to stay up late- his little girl deserved the best, so she'd get that cookie she asked for in the morning, but there was no comprise on her sleep schedule and he was glad his wife agreed with him most of the time, unlike when it came to colouring.
"Mr.Choi," she called out, snapping him back to reality as he cleared his throat, nodding at her, though his eyes averted from the table to her face, admiring the serious look she had adorned, one that the children loved, there was something about her that radiated 'authoritative figure' energy, no wonder it was difficult for her to daughter to not call her umma in class sometimes, but then again most of the children did, which is why she let it slide. Though her authority came with a sense of femininity, of maternity and empathy, where she'd know when to use the carrot and when to use the stick- his eyes flickered back to the clock, 12.58 PM before back at her eyes when she continued, "You need to understand, she'll fall behind in class and saying 'I like blue flowers and a purple sky' isn't an excuse, Hana is smart, mature too but she can't win her way out of it just because she gives her point of view."
His shoulders slumped in defeat, perhaps to her teacher, Hana was just another student, one that had the potential to excel and she would do her best to mould and shape that raw potential into the star her parents wanted her to be.
"I understand, Miss." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he sat and stared at the papers on the table again, "I'll... talk to her about it, she can read though and can count to two hundred, my wife and I make sure to use interactive learning tactics with her, the whole relate and remember strategies." At this point he looked more guilty than a cat caught in the rain, head dipped in shame- did he forget he's the parent and not the student who is being talked about?
Shaking her head in disbelief she leaned forward to collect the papers, neatly stacking them together and placing them beside her purse, "I understand Mr.Choi, and not once do I doubt your efforts. Choi Hana is the brightest in the class, so I'd prefer if we keep it this way, I'm sure your wife would agree, even if it means telling your little girl she can't always have her way." She smiled at him gesturing towards the door, "Thank you for dropping by on such short notice today, knowing a parent is concerned about their child's progress, especially when both parents work, brings me great joy. I'm sure your wife is proud of you, especially since you came to the Parent Teacher Meeting, even if a bit late, it's nice to see a man supporting his career-oriented wife."
As soon as her monologue ended he stood up straight he gave her a respectable, grateful 90-degree bow, mumbling a thank you as he quickly made his way out of the classroom, closing the door as he leaned against the door, letting out a sigh. God, that woman was horrifying, it was like he was back in school again, no wonder he was horrified of going to school as a child, it's not like the woman was bad or evil, but why the hell did he feel like he was being punished, truly a nightmare.
He'd have to talk to Hana about this, he thought to himself, moving away and rolling his shoulders, trying to ease the pain, was this...old age- no, no, San it isn't, it was just the words of this teacher that made you realise the burden you carry, a responsibility you love, the responsibility of your wife and child. Taking his phone out of his pocket he glanced at the time, 13.00, finally, it was over, to think a parent-teacher conference could be this long and excruciating.
"Ready to go home?"
He turned to glance at the woman coming out from the class, closing the door behind her as she gave him a gentle smile, one that deceived his poor heart all those years ago, making him think he had fallen for an angel, who knew he was falling for -
"How was the PTM?" She asked again, wrapping her arms around his arm, shaking him slightly to bring him back to her, looking up at him with an all too familiar look, Hana, she'd look up at him like that when she knew she was winning.
"Great, babe." Smiling down at her he began walking towards the exit, "The teacher though was horrifying, she gets all worked up when she wears that blue cardigan, it was like I was her student and she was scolding me." He exasperated, opening the glass door for her, walking out to stop at the platform when she pulled away, hands on her hips as she frowned up at him- oh boy.
"Choi San, I specified what her weak areas were, she'll become stubborn if you keep this up- did you just call me horrifying!? And what's wrong with my cardigan!? Yah. Stop walking away." She called out, running down the stairs to catch up to him, watching him walk down the stairs, "Choi San!" Finally grabbing his hand when he reached the bottom of the stairs to wait for her, raising his eyebrows when she huffed out a breath, "Man, this used to be easier-"
"Old age, love?" He teased only to be smacked on the shoulder, whining in response, though he got a scoff in return, "Oh please, if that hurt you, then you should shut down the dojang."
"Nope, I can never win in this house," he mumbled shaking his head in defeat, though he tenderly laced his fingers with hers as the two continued to walk towards the gate of the primary school.
"Why were you so late?"
"I had a feeling the teacher would scold me, so I wanted to make sure no one else was there." He glanced down at her, smiling when she chuckled, "You deserved it."
"I know, I know, Saturdays are my tutoring days- I won't let my wife and my daughter down." He huffed puffing his chest with pride as he smiled at the sight of his little girl standing next to Wooyoung, waving at him- he probably let the kids go home early, that would've upset San, but seeing his two favourite girls could fix any ruined day in a matter of seconds.
Smiling up at him she squeezed his hand lovingly, taking in the way he gazed at their daughter with all the love and admiration in the world one could muster, "Like I said, I'm proud of you, both of you, and always will be."
"Yeah, that's why you're our favourite teacher, Mrs Choi."
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Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @jaehunnyy @mlysalt @the-kpop-simp @spooo00oky
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cat-napsss · 3 days
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I think we might all be wrong about Jax (Chekhov’s Bowling Ball Theory)
I posted this on tiktok but I feel like I should post it here too. so I literally stumbled my way into this realization while having a bunch of unrelated thoughts about TADC, and it felt like a moment in those murder mystery movies where the detective is standing by the board and suddenly flashes back to that *one* clue that didn’t make any sense and suddenly it ALL makes sense.
lemme ask you something, did you notice in episode two that no one died or had any sort of concern of death? Ragatha gets stabbed through and gets a knife in the head, while Kinger takes like eight of them. then they drive off into a ravine, and Gangle (one of the more anxious characters) has absolutely no reaction to their possible demise. As for Jax, he stands on the truck as it falls much like a Looney Tune (keep that in mind). With this evidence I fully expect an episode in the future to reveal to Pomni that they can’t die (via her own death and respawn or another character’s, who she panics over before finding out they come back) with this reveal we would establish that the players won’t die while playing these levels, no matter the damage done to their bodies. Now I have two questions.
Why was Ragatha so afraid of the Abstracted Kaufmo if they would all just respawn? And HOW exactly does someone Abstract?
all we know for certain about Abstraction is that it’s the terrible thing that happens when you “reach your breaking point” your breaking point is vague, but what if it’s how exactly it sounds? What if unlike in the games and levels, the circus is a place where you don’t respawn (because as a “safe-place” in the game, that programming was never put there to begin with) so when your character for whatever reason dies (like if you were to “reach your breaking point” and end your life) your file corrupts and creates an Abstraction?
when they found Kaufmo they were surprised, and Zooble comments that they didn’t expect him to have “given up”. Implying that Abstraction to some degree is a choice. Like the only way to do it is to do purposeful harm to yourself while in the circus.
now, to finally get to my point.
who was the one to volunteer themself and others to go check on Kaufmo? Leading three of the five available people to find him, instead of sending more man-power to help Zooble, who arguably needed them a lot more?
it was Jax. Jax volunteered himself Ragatha and Pomni. He then proceeded to reveal he had a key to Kaufmo’s room, and successfully avoided explaining why. Then they opened Kaufmo’s door and found him Abstracted.
why did he (uncharacteristically) volunteer himself and the anxious new girl to check on him?
Well, what does Jax see on the floor and pick up? A bowling ball. HIS bowling ball.
why was his bowling ball in Kaufmo’s room? Why was that something that was added? What purpose did it serve?
and why did Kaufmo run after them? Why did he abandon Ragatha after she was down? Why did he abandon the search for Pomni after that too?
why did Jax dive into the gloink cave?
why did Jax make that expression at the end of episode two when Ragatha invites Pomni to Kaufmo’s funeral, before leaving completely with no sign of him anywhere at all during the actual funeral?
and lastly, lemme ask you how you think someone who behaves much like a Looney Tune, might kill someone indirectly to get away with it?
I think it will be revealed that Jax killed Kaufmo with a Looney Tunes’ style trap, one using that bowling ball.
Because why the hell else was it there.
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huginsmemory · 3 days
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Thinking about how deliberately colour coded the touden siblings are to the winged lion. Like they have gold eyes and blond hair, directly correlating themselves to the winged lion by colour scheme... And when they both become monstrous, they BOTH are represented with feathers around their neck and chest areas; as the red dragon has no feathers but chimera Falin DOES is interesting as it points to something specific to Falin... only to be repeated when Laios shifts and has the same feathers in the exact same area suggesting it's something unique to the Toudens. I mean whether that really has merit is obtuse really, but if we're going for the winged lion representation angle it makes sense. Interestingly, Marcille also has blonde hair but she has green eyes; not so obviously tied to the winged lion, even if she ends up becoming the dungeon master.
And I wonder if it's a representation within the touden siblings at how by the end they represent/become the lion. Laios is very clear; by consuming the winged lion, he 'becomes one' with the lion, in the most base sense of what you eat you literally are made of... and also in how incredibly horny the panel is. And then quite literally his result of eating the winged lion he's doomed to forever feel hungry and never feel sated; the same thing the winged lion represents, desire without end. He becomes in a way, the winged lion, a human representative of him, after his body also quite literally becoming the human representative of the winged lion, when the winged lion walks around in his own skin. The two of them are foils; both driven by the desire to consume, one a monster and with a desire to consume chiefly humans, while for the other a human the desire to consume monsters, and they in the end swap places; the human becoming a monster and a monster becoming a human, each granting each other their forms. They become in that way instrinsically twisted, and the tables turn on the Lion as the Lion instead of feasting on Laios becomes the one feasted on instead in the same way the Lion normally feasts; again, Laios becoming the lion. Of course, the lion represents more than just un-ending desire, chiefly the portion which talks about the issue of capitalism unchecked desire and consumption. But I think in a way, perhaps that's what is also being hinted too; the way within a community people can help check other peoples desires or help people have desires as is seen in the end with both Marcille and Mithrun. A non-destructive representation of the winged lion one might say. Also, one may say he also becomes the true 'lord of the dungeon' as the winged lion ceases to exist, Laios now ruling instead, taking the winged lions place.
In regards to Falin there's perhaps less obvious or deliberate foiling in comparison, but I think she still by the end in a way represents the winged lion. Chiefly, I think, by her in the first place, being alive; the black magic that brought her back is exactly what invited the winged lion to their world in the first place; without the winged lions existence through the tapping into outside reality, Falin would not be alive. In much the same way, her flesh was created from the red dragon, a creation of the dungeon, and so winged lion. She's only alive in the beginning because of the winged lion, so she represents in a way that no other person does in the manga the winged lion; not a prey of the winged lion, but a creation, or something saved through the winged lion. It's also interesting to see that what she retains is her feathers (even if they're white, not gold) once she's again revived.... squints suspiciously.
Anyways I think there's probably also a lot more coherent things that can be pulled from this analysis but I'm just rambling on about it tbh...I need to reread the manga...
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idkwhatever580 · 2 days
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Her pt. 1
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Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader
Prompt: natasha meets y/n while undercover at a soup kitchen. What happens when hydra gets mixed in?
Warnings ⚠️: cursing, some angst, mentions of blood and gunshot, getting beat up? Tell me if there’s any more!!
Pronouns: she/her
A/N: guys this one is really long 😭 idk how many words tho. Idk how to find that out. Make sure to tell me if you like it and follow if you want to see my next post. (Idk when it will go up but I think I’m gonna do a part two)-> https://www.tumblr.com/idkwhatever580/749925326055948288/her-pt-2
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Natasha’s Pov
Ugh. This is so stupid. I hate this room.
Fury thinks it is a good idea for us to stay in a stupid rinky dink motel to keep our identities safe.
I think it’s bullshit. The least he can give us is a days inn. But noooo we gotta stay in a one star motel that stinks and has horrible water pressure.
I look over at Clint and glare. He smirks at me and says
“Why the long face?”
I sneer and say
“You know exactly why. We’re stuck in this dump for another month!”
He chuckles and says
“We’ve already been here a month. What’s one more? I honestly think this place is growing on me”
I roll my eyes and say
“Of course you would end up liking this shithole.”
He comes over and nudges my shoulder and says
“Hey! Think about it this way. You get to see her for another month.”
I narrow my eyes at him when he puts on a cheeky grin.
I scoff and brush it off like normal. But Clint knows. He knows me. He knows that I like her.
Her.
I could think about her all day if I tried.
You see, Clint and I are on an undercover mission to investigate a possible hydra meeting place. We’ve been eating at this soup kitchen for weeks. Acting like we’re homeless so we can get info. Normally I would hate this job. And I do don’t get me wrong, but there’s this one volunteer. Her name is y/n.
Y/n.
Doesn’t that just roll right off your tongue? I wish she’d roll right on my tongue.
I shake my head to void myself of these thoughts. But it’s all in vain. She is so pretty.
Her smile is bright. Albeit her teeth might not be perfect but I think it makes her even better. She makes this whole thing bearable.
Her sweet face, and quirky remarks make me almost blush.
Almost.
Clint snaps in front of my face and I look up at him and he says
“Did you hear a single thing I said?”
I shake my head even though I want to say yes. Whatever he said could have been important.
He sighs and says
“Well. I’m going to take a shower. And try to see if the water actually heats up this time. If not. I’ll still be in there a while. I gotta take a shit. So if you need to use the bathroom I suggest you go now or forever hold your peace”
I chuckle a bit and shake my head and he grabs his towel and says
“Alright. Have fun thinking about y/n”
He goes off and I lie back on the bed. It creaks but I don’t care anymore. All I can think about is her.
I don’t know who she is. She seems well off. But she’s not mean. No. What mean person would willingly volunteer at a soup kitchen?
She is so tender. Always making sure all the homeless people get their fair share and if she thinks someone is looking a little skinny one day she’ll give them a bit more.
She always gives me a bit more. Then says she put too much. Clint thinks it’s just to see me a bit more. I think she’s just a bit tired by the time I get in line.
Her.
God. It’s only been a month and her beauty floods my senses. I remember the first time she hugged me.
She smelled like oranges and cupcakes.
She always stayed and sat with all the homeless people. Making sure to update herself on their lives.
Clint and I stay longer though. So she ends up talking to me. He kind of acts closed off. So that he can always be on guard.
He knows my senses are being let down by her. And he’s okay with it. I wish I wasn’t.
She talks of her life a lot. And I sometimes think I see her look at my lips but I shake it away and try to forget that telling myself I imagined it.
By the time I’m done day dreaming of her today, Clint comes out and says
“One. Do NOT go in there. And two. Let’s get ready to go”
I sigh and smile a bit. I know I’m gonna get to see her. I put on my ‘homeless attire’ and we leave the building.
We walk into the soup kitchen along with some of the others who are nice. I look around and my eyes zero in on y/n’s normal spot. I see her and she sees me at the same time
She smiles excitedly and waves at all of us but her eyes linger on me. I wave back shyly.
We go up and she portions our food while asking how everyone’s day has been.
When it’s my turn she portions my food and hands it to me and then says
“Oh! I think I gave you a bit too much. Here let me fix it.”
She brushes her hand across mine and for the first time. I blush.
I blush
Crap. I blushed.
Thankfully she doesn’t notice. But I know.
She hands it back to me and says “there you go sweets”
I smile shyly but I’m screaming inside. I thank y/n and scurry off to my undesignated designated spot. Clint sits by me and says
“Did you?”
I slap him in the arm and say
“Shut up Barton or I’ll kill you”
He giggles and hops away from me to eat his food.
After a while y/n comes up to me and says
“Hey girl! I finally finished the portions. Wanna talk?”
She always asks if I want to talk and I always nod my head. She sits down and start yapping while I smile and listen to it all. At some point she says
“My mom and I always had this deal. That if I ever sent a message to her with a lowercase x at the end, that means I am in danger. Thank goodness I never had to use it though.”
She quickly moves on to another topic just as fast as she got to the previous. I try to keep up with her.
As the soup kitchen closes for the day around 3 and we all leave. I leave with a smile on my face.
God she’s so pretty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up in bed and smile. I look over at my alarm clock and realize I have only about thirty minutes left to get ready for the soup kitchen.
I hop out of bed and Clint smirks and says
“You’ve never slept that long. You good?”
I roll my eyes and say
“Fuck off”
We quickly leave for the soup kitchen and I walk in and look for y/n. My eyebrows furrow when she’s not in her normal spot.
I go over to Calvin, the soup kitchen owner and say
“Hey. Is y/n here today?”
He shakes his head and says
“No. Surprisingly she sent me a text this morning saying she’s not gonna make it. Look”
Calvin turns his phone towards me and I read the message.
Y/n Y/l/n
Hey! I’m so sorry this is last minute but I can’t come in today. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow! x
My eyes widen and I say
“Oh. Okay. Thanks Calvin.”
I quickly walk to Clint who is eagerly waiting in line for his food. I whisper to him.
“We need to go. Y/n is in danger.”
He looks at me confused and says
“What? You heard Calvin. He said she said she was fine.”
I shake my head and only now does Clint realize I am being serious.
“Aww but I just got to the front of the line”
Clint whines and pouts and I say
“If I let you grab this you better get a to go box. And hurry”
In a stern voice. He nods his head and gets his food quickly.
We head back to the motel. I pull out my emergency bag and grab the laptop. I’m only supposed to go online in emergencies and I dictate this as one.
I explain to Clint what is wrong and he nods his head in agreement. Y/n has never missed a day of the soup kitchen. Even when she was so tired she looked dead.
I quickly power it on and start looking into her socials.
It’s a wonder I haven’t looked her up until now. It’s actually a wonder that I haven’t even heard of her. She’s popular.
She’s a famous artist. Actress and Singer/songwriter. Her name is Y/n y/m/n y/l/n. She’s 24. Only three years younger than me. She acts in some really popular movies. Of course I never have watched them. Or else I would have probably recognized her. She writes and sings a bit. But not much.
I start digging deeper. I look at her most recent posts and I see that she posted on Instagram about the same time that she sent the message to Calvin.
I read the post and it’s a cute picture of her. From yesterday. That’s the outfit she wore and she took a quick selfie in it.
She added a paragraph and I scour it intensely.
Hey guys! I know I don’t do this a lot but I whant to come on heere and thank you for your dedication tol me. I’m so excited to have hit fifty milliopn follmowers on Instageram. It’sh truly an hyonor to be lovedd by so rmany of youa. xoxo x
I see how she has a bunch of misspelled words and I put two and two together. The misspellings put together make out a sentence.
Help me hydra x
I look back at Clint and he says
“Damn. That was easy. She’s smart.”
All the comments are either fawning over her or bullying her for having so many misspellings but I know. She’s communicating to me. To anyone who notices. And I am the person right now.
Thankfully, the hydra people are fucking stupid. And I’m highly trained in coding. So I am able to track her phone easily.
I pinpoint it at the soup kitchen. And then Clint grabs my shoulder and says.
“The back room. Y/n always talked about Calvin chilling in a back room that she caught a glimpse of once. She said it looked scary.”
I widen my eyes and my shoulders tense up say
“You think they’re stupid enough to keep her there?”
He nods his head and I shake mine and say
“Well. There’s no harm in trying. And we might get our mission done faster if we’re right.”
I quickly put on my suit as Clint puts his on in the bathroom. He walks up with his bow and arrow at the ready and he says.
“You ready?”
I nod my head stiffly and we hop in the run down car that we are only allowed to use in emergencies. Once again we both dictate this an emergency.
Clint drives as I map out a plan outloud.
“Okay. So we’re gonna split up. You go in the front. I’ll go in the back. See what we can find. I know our mission is to get intel but if y/n doesn’t make it out alive I’m gonna burn the whole city down.”
Clint chuckles a bit with his signature smile on and I raise my eyebrow and say
“What?”
He shakes his head and says,
“Well, it’s just- you really like this girl huh? I mean burning the city down is a pretty big thing to do. And that’s kind of odd for you. I didn’t think you’d be the type.”
I scoff and cross my arms and say
“We need to focus on the mission. And not the fact that I may or may not be down bad.”
He chuckles once more and then pulls into a spot away from the soup kitchen.
I run to the back and Clint runs to the front once we solidify our plan and then we both easily break in. The soup kitchen is usually open in case there is a homeless person who desperately needs shelter. Like if there’s a storm or something. Thankfully though Clint tells me through comms that there’s no one inside.
“I’m in”
I say when I pick the lock. I frown when I realize that this is gonna be an easy feat. I know not to let my guard down. Just in case.
I hear a crackle when the comms come on and Clint says,
“Hey nat… you’re gonna want to see this”
I put my finger on my earpiece and say,
“Did you find y/n?”
“No, but I found the intel we were definitely looking for. And a lot more.”
I frown and say,
“Okay put it on a drive then come find me. I’m in the west wing. Call a quinjet to pick us up.”
——————————————————————————
Nobody’s pov
Clint downloads the files to a usb drive and he kind of freezes for a moment as he sees the files of horrifying victims flow into it. There’s footsteps headed his way and he pulls out his arrows and prepares to shoot someone.
One set of footsteps quickly becomes about four and something he can quite pin he takes a breath prepared to fight.
The doors open so fast he doesn’t even have time to blink before he is shooting his arrows. He quickly downs four of them but he knows there’s a fifth.
He slowly looks around the area they came in and moves around the desk only to find a shaking ball of a human. He squats down and says
“Y/n?”
So softly she might not have heard it. She snaps her head up and says
“Cliff?”
She sniffles when she says his code name and he holds his hand out for her and says.
“It’s Clint. I know this is confusing and scary but we’ve got to find Natasha and get you out of here before anything else happens okay?”
She nods her head and says
“Is Natalie Natasha?”
Clint nods his head and presses his earpiece to tell Natasha that they’re done.
Natasha huffs and says
“Wow you just have to take all the credit huh?”
Clint giggles a bit and then grabs the full usb drive and starts walking out carefully. He looks back at y/n and says
“Are you coming or not?”
She is shaking and says,
“Uh. I- I think I can’t walk”
Clint finally realizes that she has a bullet in her thigh and it’s bleeding a bit but thankfully not enough to kill her. At least for now. He sighs and says,
“Alright. I’m gonna pick you up and we’re gonna fly to New York for a bit to get you healed.”
She nods her head and we head off.
Once Clint gets everyone on the quinjet y/n passes out.
“Fuck”
——————————————————————————
Y/n’s pov
I wake up in a hospital bed. I open my eyes a bit just to close them immediately. You’d think that they would turn the lights down or something.
I groan a bit and someone is at my side. I don’t even want to see who it is. I just want to get back to my home.
Which is what got me into this situation in the first place.
——————————————————————————
(Kind of flashback?)
I walked out of the soup kitchen. Everyone had left and I locked the door. I decided to walk there today so I started my trek back home. And then I realized I left my phone. So I went back and unlocked the door.
Calvin was in there. I assume he is just restocking or something and I say hi and asked if he has seen my phone.
He dangles it in front of my face and then puts a gun to my head.
Shit
He says I need to make a text to send to him so that nobody from the soup kitchen worries about me and then make a post so that my fans don’t think anything of my absence.
At this point. I probably won’t be making it out.
Yes I’m famous. And yes I have a lot of caring fans.
But nobody knows me well enough to even think of me. And by the time someone does. I’ll probably be dead.
He walks me to the back room that I’ve only seen once. Damn. I knew this was sketch.
His grip on my hands is so tight.
I didn’t even realize I have tears streaming down my face until he says
“Quit your whimpering. If you get us caught you’re dead”
I look up at him and say
“Us? There’s more?”
He scoffs and says
“Of course there’s more of us. Hydra doesn’t do loners. We’re not dumb enough. Now shut up or I’ll kill you and everyone else you’ve ever loved. Including your little Natalie”
That shut me up real quick.
Fuck my life.
He throws me in a cell and beats me up. I have so many cuts and bruises already.
He left me about an hour ago and now I’m just laying here on the concrete. By my calculations the soup kitchen will open in about 8 hours. Hopefully Natalie notices I’m gone.
She notices everything.
I know she’s homeless and I’m not but part of me wants to take her with me. Give her a new life.
Make her mine.
But she doesn’t like me like that. And that wouldn’t be fair to the other homeless people who have been here even longer.
Gran says I’m head over heels and I should court her. But she’s also a bit crazy.
But then again pops says she likes me back. And although pops is like never wrong, there’s always a first time for everything. I’m not so sure though.
God how am I thinking of her at a time like this? I’m actually daydreaming about a silly little (not so little) crush of mine while my life is at stake. Well, I have nothing else to do. So thinking about her it is.
Her
She’s so beautiful. Even when she has dirt all over her and her clothes look like they need more than just a little stitching and washing.
Natalie
It’s a pretty name but it honestly doesn’t fit her quite right. I just don’t know what other name would though.
Meh. I’m probably just being weird.
By the time I am finished thinking about her I fall asleep and I wake up and calculate it is already morning. Thank god. My calculations are confirmed when one of the guards brought me food for some reason. I ask him
“What time is it?”
He says,
“I’m not supposed to talk to you but it’s 10:46 am”
I nod my head and thank him.
I scarf the food down so I can hopefully get as much energy before they take it away from me. Maybe I’ll be able to stay alive longer.
After I’m finished Calvin walks in and says
“What do you know about Natalie?”
I frown and say
“Why?”
“You’re very close to her. And i want info on her. If you tell me everything you know I’ll let you go”
I consider my options. But clearly they want her info for something. I don’t want her to be in danger. She’s strong yes. But she’s also homeless. Nobody to care for her. And I don’t want her to die on my watch. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if one of my favorite people died because of me. Hoe selfish would that be.
So I say the bare minimum.
“I don’t actually know much about her. I usually do all the talking.”
He kicks me. Ouch.
“I think her favorite color is red. And her favorite food is whatever I cook. At least that’s what she says.”
Another kick. Ow.
Calvin gets a bit mad and says.
“The soup kitchen is about to open. I’m gonna go get the food prepared and you’re going to think about every little thing she’s ever told you. And about that cliff dude too.”
I glare at him and say
“He never talks. You think I know anything? I’m just a stupid girl.”
He sneers and says
“If you don’t come up with anything good you better kiss your little girlfriend goodbye.”
I frown and curl into a ball as he leaves.
I mumble
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
What can I find that will seem plausible that isn’t true about her.
——————————————————————————
Time jump to after soup kitchen closes and Calvin comes back.
“Tell me everything you know bitch”
I spit at him and say
“I don’t know anything about them”
He gets really angry at that and he kicks me in the head.
I’m shaking really bad already. That’s gonna hurt way worse later. If I make it to later.
After more and more berating he finally has enough and pulls out a gun. I cry and sob and say
“Pl- please no. Calvin you’re better than this! It’s okay I won’t tell anyone! I promise just let me go. Please”
I beg but he doesn’t give in. He points the gun at me and shoots.
It hits me in my thigh and I scream. I scream and I scream and he says
“Shut up bitch. Nobody can hear you. They won’t hear you when you scream.”
I cry but I quiet down. Clearly there’s no point in using my voice. I’m just gonna die anyways.
Suddenly there’s a guard running to Calvin and he whispers something to him. Calvin looks at me and says
“Get up bitch. You’re coming with us”
Three more guards come and pick me up and start marching me away from whatever it is they’re scared of. They open a door and then I fall on the ground. They dropped me for some reason but I don’t care. I curl up into a ball and then a soft voice calls my name.
I look up and say
“Cliff?”
——————————————————————————
And that’s how I ended up here.
I’m in a hospital bed. Somewhere. Probably safe.
I finally open my eyes and see Natalie. Well. Natasha.
That name fits her better. Now I know why I felt that way. She’s still so pretty.
But she’s in a black catsuit. It shows off her curves. I look away because I don’t want to objectify her or anything.
She smiles and says
“You’re awake”
I can tell that she wants to say something else but doesn’t know if she can.
I look at her and say.
“Yeah. What happened?”
“Well. You obviously know you were kidnapped by hydra.”
I nod my head and don’t let her finish. I’m clearly hurt when I say
“Why did you lie to me?”
She sighs and says.
“I’m sorry. You have every right to be mad at me. I lied because I am an avenger. We’re in New York City at the avengers tower. I can take you home as soon as you’re cleared. But for now I’m going to explain okay?”
I nod my head and let her speak.
“Since I am an avenger and a highly ranked spy, I sometimes have to go on missions undercover. My name is Natasha romanoff. My alias’ are Natalie rushman, black widow and others. I was recently undercover with my friend and coworker Clint Barton. His alias’ are cliff barren and Hawkeye.”
She pauses and then continues
“We were looking to find intel. We had a hint that hydra, the people that took you, were there. Thankfully you were able to send a message out before they took you. They’re dumb. So I tracked you the second I knew you were in danger.”
I frown and say
“So you lied about not knowing who I was?”
She shook her head and says
“I only found out who you were after you sent that message. Because I looked you up on my emergency computer. So no. I didn’t lie about that. Y/n you are very brave and strong. Most people wouldn’t have made it out of there. Most people didn’t.”
I nod my head and say
“So. How long have I been out?”
“About a day and a half. Clint and I went to the soup kitchen the past two days to make sure everyone was okay. It’s under new management already. She’s nice. Her name is Mary. We cleared out hydra and everything and everyone at the soup kitchen is okay.”
I nod my head and say
“That’s good.”
I frown and say
“What now?”
She sighs and sits down and says
“Well. You have a few options after you’re cleared. Continue on with life and forget all about us. Or, we can create a new safe soup kitchen and you can start creating houses for the homeless. Give them new opportunities. Get some of them into rehab. Follow your dream. Fully paid of course, courtesy of Tony Stark and SHEILD considering you helped us get one of the biggest bouts of information in a very short amount of time.”
My eyes light up and I say
“Wait… you… you listened to me when I was talking?”
Natasha nods her head and says
“I don’t know if you noticed but I notice everything. When you talked about your dreams of retiring as an actress to help the needy, it was so moving. It’s a good dream. And I want to help you achieve it.”
I sit up carefully and say
“I’m so excited I could just kiss you!”
I realize what I said and then say
“Oh shit. I didn’t- I don’t- I didn’t mean that”
Natasha says
“Really? Because I would have done it if you did mean it.”
I widen my eyes and point at her a little dumbfounded and say
“You- you wanna- I-l”
She smirks and walks up to my hospital bed and leans into me. She stops just before to silently ask permission and I nod my head.
She presses her lips softly into mine and they’re softer than clouds. She pulls away softly and I giggle like a school girl and say
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”
Natasha raises her eyebrow and says
“Even when I was covered in dirt and smelled like shit?”
I shrug my shoulders and say
“I think it adds to your charm. You’re a cutie”
We hear a chuckle from the doorway and Clint walks in. He smirks and says
“I don’t think anyone has ever called Natasha romanoff a cutie and made it out alive.”
Natasha rolls her eyes and says
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nobody called me anything”
I giggle and say.
“Natasha?”
She immediately looks at me and I say
“Do you think I can really do that homeless shelter?”
She nods her head and says
“I know you can.”
I smile realizing a whole new chapter of my life is about to start. And it’s gonna be great.
All because of her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: whew!! Damn that was long. I hope y’all liked it!!! Please tell me if there are any warnings I missed. I think I’m gonna do a part two of the next chapter in y/n’s life. I really just write whatever I’m thinking about lol. My anons are in fact open. I don’t have too many requirements. But expect to have a happy ending lol I’m so sappy 🤷‍♀️🩷
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