#tagging both because i'm not attacking either and i want both to see

[sunflowersand-bees]

what if i just want to have an amiable convo w a mileven? like, they ship byler and mileven but just believe that mileven’s gonna be endgame. i just wanna be the good cop and interview them on why they think that. i just wanna know. i just wanna ask about certain scenes and find out what they think and what the rest of the milevens think. milevens, if you wanna politely question me about bylers’ opinions, go ahead. i just want a nice convo where we end it amicably, not necessarily having convinced one or the other. i just wanna know your thoughts.

#mileven #byler #tagging both because i'm not attacking either and i want both to see #stranger things #idk what this is #it's an invitation yall. you dont have to be a mlvn to ask me as well #just ask ig #riv rambles

[steddieas-shegoes]

i love you enough

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'roadtrip/vacation' rated m wc: 995 cw: nightmare, implied sexual content tags: friends to lovers, getting together, love confessions, first kiss, loosest way to reference vacation is staying in a hotel

------------------------------------

"Steve...Steve!"

His eyes opened wide as Eddie's hands shook him awake.

"Jesus Christ, man. I thought I'd have to push you off the bed," Eddie sighed, his hold on Steve's shoulders loosening but not going away.

"Sorry," Steve gasped, his breath caught in his chest like he was about to have a panic attack.

This nightmare had been different.

Instead of Robin dying under the mall, it was Eddie. Instead of Steve being able to convince the Russians that he should be taken, Eddie convinced them he knew all they needed to know.

It was the exact type of falling on the sword Eddie would do.

Steve's eyes landed on Eddie, who was watching him silently, looking like he was doing his best not to cry.

"Eds? You okay?" Steve's voice cracked.

"Shit, are you?" Eddie asked back, letting out a disbelieving laugh.

"Yeah, sorry I woke you up."

"You're kidding, right?"

Eddie looked mad. He sounded mad.

"No, I'm really sorry. I know you don't sleep so great, either, so," Steve shrugged. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanna go down the hall to the girls' room."

Eddie blinked at him, silence making the air feel thick with an awkwardness they hadn't had between them in months.

And then Eddie's hands were cupping his face, almost lovingly.

"Do you ever think about how other people care about you?" Eddie asked, barely more than a whisper. "Or how seeing you suffer and then apologize for it breaks our hearts?"

Steve's mouth was opening and closing like a fish, searching Eddie's eyes for the answer he wanted.

"You have no idea how much people love you, do you?" Eddie's forehead rested against Steve's.

"I-"

"Stevie. I need you to listen to me." Eddie breathed out slowly. "I can't imagine how much you've seen. I know you've told me, and I've seen some of it myself, but half of the shit you've done? Just to keep everyone safe? And you keep seeing it in nightmares all the time. It never goes away. You're so strong. You get up every day and go to work, and cart the kids around, and bring me to appointments, and cook dinner for me and Wayne, and help Robin with her girl problems, and then you go to bed and have to worry about what monsters will be waiting for you. And then you wake up the next day and pretend it didn't happen, but we all know it did. I know it did."

Steve sniffled.

"And here I am, shaking in the corner of my bed because I think I hear a noise outside my window one time." They both let out a laugh, but Eddie continued before Steve could interrupt. "I was scared. I tried waking you up when you first started making noises. You sounded like you were hurt. And then you said Dustin's name and I could feel you shaking. And then-"

"And then I said your name."

Eddie nodded.

Steve placed his hands at Eddie's neck, almost mirroring Eddie.

"You died. But it was the Russians. You convinced them you knew something to distract them from me and the kids, but you didn't so they just kept...they-" He let out a sob as tears fell down his cheeks. "They did to you what they were gonna do to me."

"Oh, sweetheart."

Eddie's lips were on his.

It shouldn't be happening like this, a part of Steve thought.

It should be romantic and sweet, maybe after a date where Steve used all the charm he's been saving just for Eddie, maybe when the reason for the wetness against their cheeks was because of rain instead of tears.

But in a way, it was always going to be like this: admitting too much at the wrong time, saving each other from pain.

Regardless of all the ways it should be and all the ways he wished for it to be, it was perfect.

When Eddie pulled away, he let out a small laugh.

"Robin said this would happen as soon as I said I was staying in your room."

"She said I would have a nightmare that left us both crying and kissing in a bed that is definitely big enough for us to not be cuddling, but we definitely were?" Steve asked with a smirk. "She's good, but I don't think she's that good."

"Oh, shut up," Eddie lightly smacked his shoulder. "You know what I meant."

He did. She'd said the same to him.

"Well, maybe if you hold my hand, I'll be able to fall back asleep?" Steve suggested.

"Yeah, I could do that. Or..."

"Or?"

"Or I could..."

"You could?"

Eddie nipped his bottom lip.

"I could kiss you in...other places..."

"Eds, just say what you wanna do," Steve giggled.

"Fine! I could suck you off so you can sleep!" Eddie laughed.

"You could do that, yeah," Steve nodded, pretending that wasn't enough to rile him up.

"I could. If you want."

"Is it just to help me fall asleep?" Steve asked, suddenly nervous that this wasn't anything more than helping out a friend.

"If I wasn't completely clear before: I love you. I love you enough to sacrifice myself in your nightmares, I love you enough to do stupid physical therapy sessions that I hate because you get sad when I don't go, I love you enough to make Robin take a room with Nancy and Jonathan so I could stay right here with you, and I love you enough to suck your dick to help you sleep."

Steve snorted.

"Be my guest, then," he gestured down at his lap, watching Eddie literally lick his lips.

Just when Eddie was breathing against his stomach, ready to move further down, Steve stopped him.

"Wait!" Eddie looked up at him, eyes wide. "I love you, too. Need you to know that."

Fondness poured from Eddie as he pressed a kiss to Steve's stomach.

"I know, sweetheart."

#steddie #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie munson #steddieholidaydrabbles #vacation

[lovelybee666]

FLUFF ALPHABET DOGDAY

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I already published it in one of my first writings but so that they don't bother to see it, they both play hide and seek, tag, maybe truth or dare, etc.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He thinks everything about you is beautiful, from your eyes to your your toes (if you even have toes or feet).

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If you are sad he tries to cheer you up either by giving you physical or verbal affection, drawing, talking, watching something, whatever cheers you up.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

It sounds strange but he would like to have a family (he knows he can't 😞) he would like to see you and him with his little children but since he can't, he use his stuffed version as one and depending on how you are, you will play along or try (don't even think about telling him that it's stupid of him or I swear I will come to your house with a gun 👹 /j)

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He's in the middle 👍 there's not much to say honestly

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Look, I don't know what happened but it was probably your fault😒(just joking) their arguments probably don't go beyond a few raised voices, the second the discussion ends there are two options, the first is that he run to you and apologize or that he is lecturing himself with his tail down.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is VERY grateful and even thanks for things he shouldn't(I'm sorry this is short, I couldn't think of anything)

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Imagine there is a door, that door symbolizes honesty now look at Dogday's door that door is so open that the door flew away and the frame too.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I'm already doing a hc of him jealous so this will be more summarized and shorter, It's difficult for him to get jealous since he trusts you TOO much but if he is jealous he will try to get your attention hugging you and saying your name over and over again.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

The first kiss was okay although he had never kissed so at first it was a little awkward, as time went on his kissing skills improved(he definitely didn't ask Bubba, Cickin and Bobby for advice☺️ DEFINITELY)

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He was nervous, he asked Catnap if he could come and support him, he complied as a good friend and he was a little far away but behind you with a sign that said "YOU CAN DO IT, DOGDAY!" or said what Dogday was supposed to say because he probably forgot(I promise to make a more detailed version soon in the not too distant future).

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He wants to marry you but since you and him are toys you can't but still in some creative way you got married, they used a fabric that they found with the help of Crafty and they got married, it was actually something funny and adorable to see (YOU DEFINITELY WORE THE SUIT AND DOGDAY THE WEDDING DRESS‼️‼️) by the way, the ring was some donut-shaped gummies.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

I already made a post about it but I wanted to make a little update here by adding "angel" and "star"

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It's VERY obvious, just watch him for a few seconds and you'll see how when you're close he moves his tail and seems happier, he stops what he's doing and comes to greet you giving you a hug while his tail moves at a thousand miles an hour, he's not sure if he's in love, he confuses his feelings and thinks maybe he just loves you as a close friend (spoiler, it wasn't)

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's a big fan of PDA and even once probably shouted from somewhere quite long how much he loved you(a worker or Miss Delight scolded him because the children were supposed to be sleeping at that time), He loves to hold your hand and kiss your nose, he probably emphasizes 24/7 that you're dating him, he is very proud to know that you are dating him, If you are not a fan of PDA, he respects it and when you are alone he gives you a lot of kisses on the cheeks and hugs you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

There's not much to say but technically you're second in command for dating the guy who's the leader👍 IDK MAN

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He is cliche AND creative, He likes to do very cliché but very creative things at the same time, They are going to have a date with red petals and candles, yes, but instead of candles they will be candles with fun shapes, the petals will be daisies (clearly I don't get them from a destroyed Daisy) and the chairs are chairs of frogs, he likes to do the same things that are romantically cliché but at the same time add things that have nothing to do with it or make it chaotic.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

ABSOLUTELY YES, it will help you in anything, believe 100% that you can achieve any goal you have.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Every day he do something new with you, one day you are looking some ants working and the next you are creating a base to protect yourself from a non-existent deadly virus that he created with you.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Depending on who you are, he probably knows a lot about you and is quite empathetic (I couldn't think of anything here, I'm sorry)

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

For him you are the most important thing in his life, his top is probably

3. Humans

2. His friends

1. You

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When you give him the cold shoulder after an argument he goes to Catnap and Catnap has to deal with his best friend crying because you don't listen to him

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Y E S He is very affectionate although obviously there are days when he is less affectionate.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He will be looking for things that remind him of you and hugs them while waiting for you to appear.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He is willing to do almost anything for the relationship, his only limits are attacking or killing someone for obvious reasons.

I FINALLY FINISHED THIS, now I will have to do other pending things

#poppy playtime #poppy playtime x reader #smiling critters #smiling critters x reader #dogday #dogday x reader #fluff alphabet

[weaver-z]

For the last time, people who say "queer is a slur" are not attacking you for identifying as queer. And before you spout off about how I'm just a widdle baby gay who only thinks it's a slur because of "terf rhetoric," I do know the activist history of the term and why some people love it. Some of the people who love it and identify with it are my closest friends. That doesn't change the fact that the people of my rural southern hometown, not to mention my own flesh and blood, used the slur against gay and trans people for years and still do, and I highly doubt they were all "tricked by terfs" into using that as the primary insult for gay and trans people.

Queer is a slur. That's why it was used in activism in the first place. I reclaim the slur dyke, I literally identify as a dyke, but I don't shout and holler when someone tags a post of mine with "d slur" because I understand that it's not personal and that they're doing it for their own comfort. On that note, I often see the biggest shouters of "queer is not a slur!!" claiming that queer is a radically accepting political identity in the same breath. Dude, it's either a completely neutral identity descriptor or a radical political reclamation; it can't be both.

I'm trans, I'm a dyke, and though the modern definition of queer may apply to me, I don't identify as that. I'm sick of seeing the obnoxious kneejerk reactions to me setting one boundary about what I don't want to be called.

#q slur #i'm so tired #disk horse #sorry </3

[sonicblueartist]

is bullfrog date headcannons okay?

A/N: Of course~ And sorry if this is short. I couldn't think anything else to add lol

Bullfrog x h!reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 894

Taglist: @blorbostation

Btw does anyone want to be in the tag list?

Two things can definitely happen in this scenario. Either Bullfrog dates with you or stays away, he doesn't want to hurt you because of his job.

But right now, with your request we are going with a scenario where he chooses to date you and has close contact, so...

He is already a sweet and kind guy (and wise too). But when it comes to you it just doubles up. He is the dictionary meaning gentleman.

He could do anything for you to see you smile. It includes being silly. Avoiding his jokes isn't even an option.

"Knock knock"

"Not a door joke. God...Who’s there?"

"French"

"French who?"

"French frise!"

He is as honest with you as possible. He doesn't mind anything at all. He is comfortable with you and hoping you are with him too. He just wants you to be yourself with him.

Very affectionate and physical. You don't like PDA? He will drown you with his compliments.

"You look stunning as always, mon amour."

He loves to see your cheeks turn pink. He loves to fluster you. He will flirt if it means he could see that all the time.

"When you're around, I don't need anything else, mi chéri."

You are feeling bad? Exhausted? Sick? He will take care of you. There are no excuses.

You are in danger? Hurt? Oh god. I think for the first time in your life you might have the chance to feel sorry for those kinds of people. You know what I mean?

Bullfrog doesn't get angry very much. But what if he hears that you are being used or harmed? He will then go into fast rescue/kill mode. (I believe he still wouldn't be mad mad but you know)

I don't know why but I feel like killing or getting harmed isn't his breaking point to go mad about it. We need something else (Hopefully I can figure that out one day lol)

He likes to kiss your hands and if possible (because of his height) on your forehead too. You probably need to lay down or kneel for that and he doesn't want to force you. But if you lie down on his lap? Damn, he will melt and donate your face all over with kisses.

He is not someone to get jealous. He trusts you with his whole heart. But that doesn't mean he is not protective over you. If he sees someone bothering you and going too far? He will step in and warn them kindly. If that doesn't work? Oh, well. Have fun watching him give them some senses. What? No, of course he is not gonna beat them up. No, no. That's not his still. Not in public.

He could stare lovingly at you for hours. Tracing your lines. Observing your features. If undisturbed he can do this all day and night.

He can and will be brutally honest when the time is right (not specifically towards you), and sometimes that scares you.

"We are immortal spiritual beings that are embodied in mortal flesh to experience emotions and develop our own destiny, designed by ourselves in our pre-natal life."

"What?"

He is just joking.

He wears casual clothes when he is around you. Like a hoodie and shorts. Something comfortable.

He likes to cuddle with you while you both sit comfortably on your couch, watching something and a blanket around both of you. He LOVES your warmth. So he is gonna steal your hand whenever he gets the chance. Or lean his body on you.

He is very understanding and expects the same from you.

If you prepare breakfast and bring it to him in bed before he wakes up in the morning (which is a bit difficult, I'm sure he will always wake up before you), he may or may not start crying in happiness.

You can't sneak up behind him so no surprise attacks. It's not always end up like you planned it would be. He always somehow sensed it even before you had the idea.

"Agh, come on! At least can't you pretend you didn't know? It's impossible to surprise you!"

"Well, sorry, mi chérie, but you are a bit too obvious."

"That's not true!"

"Okay, okay, I'll pretend next time."

He couldn't. He just acts on instinct; you can't blame him for it. It happens unintentionally

"I just wanted to surprise you for your birthday, damn it!"

"Oh?" He is in tears from happiness.

He is not playing around when he told you that he loves you. You are his one and only.

Dates are either on rooftops or in your house.

He will never let you disrupt your sleep routine for him.

You are having trouble with something? Always having nightmares or you just can't sleep? Or having trouble eating? He will be there every second of it to help you.

He is not innocent. Of course you know that. He knows his place and he respects your boundaries and thoughts.

He feels intimate with you.

He loves any kind of fruit. I can see him sitting on the couch eating apple slices with you.

He becomes really awkward when he doesn't know what to do about something or gets really flustered.

He will support you with anything you will and can do.

LOTS OF PET NAMES IN FRENCH

#bullfrog x reader #bullfrog #captain lazerhawk spoilers #captain lazerhawk #x reader #reader #allenwrites

[amiizuki]

it will be forever funny to me how the flashback portraits of Wittebrothers made Caleb seem like he's had packing peanuts for a brain

(this post ended up becoming quite lengthy, and so did the tags somehow, because I kinda devolved into a rant closer to the end of writing this whole thing, so bear with me here)

so we know that Philip and Caleb became orphans when both of them were still kids. after that, they ended up in Gravesfield and, to fit in with everyone else who lived there, picked up witch hunting and started thinking that witches are pure evil. Caleb knew perfectly well that he's the only family Philip's had left and that he even may be his his only friend, since, judging by the portraits, they've only ever hung out with each other and we don't know if those two ever made any other actual friends.

until one day, during a witch hunt he and Philip were both a part in (something Caleb seemed happy to do, judging by his smirk there), he met a witch – Evelyn – someone he's been taught to hate and want dead by the townsfolk. someone who, again, in his mind, should be evil.

but he just suddenly does a 180 and goes "damn, you can make fire with your hands, you're actually pretty cool"

and then a few days (?) of talking to her later, he's running off to live with her in the Demon Realm, while simultaneously not giving a single fuck about the brother he's abandoning.

(he even runs off with a smile, with a literal :D face, I fucking can't lmao)

Philip ends up seeing Caleb get dragged off through a weird portal and later follows along, thinking something like "no, my brother wouldn't just up and abandon me without saying anything. he probably got captured by that witch we saw together that one time! she probably used some demon magic to bewitch Caleb and took him through that portal to kill him or worse! I gotta go save him!". and, after spending god knows how long in that realm, searching endlessly for his missing older brother, he eventually finds him. but he also finds that Caleb is not only perfectly okay and not hurt in the slightest, he's also peacefully walking together with the same witch who "captured" him, even holding hands with her.

and when enraged Philip tries to attack Evelyn, to protect Caleb from the witch who took him from his home, from his brother, still thinking that Caleb's under her control, Caleb just... gives him a hug and goes on to introduce the witch as his new wife to him (I'm assuming that portrait is the same day as the other three, if not the same scene), also adding on top of that that they're having a child. all as if nothing happened. treating the whole thing like everything's perfectly okay and just another normal day, fully ignoring the fact that he threw his brother away with no care or thought, leaving him completely alone, a full orphan, now with zero actual family left (in TTT, during their backstory, it's said that "Caleb did his best to take care of his younger brother", meaning that either they never got adopted in Gravesfield, or whoever adopted them didn't give a shit about the two, so they still mostly had to fend for themselves), all to go smash some random 5 out of 10 witchussy he talked to, like, 3 times. no fucking wonder Philip killed him!

(btw, jokes aside, it didn't seem like he intended to kill Caleb, because in that portrait where he's ready to kill with a knife in his hand, he's facing forward, while Caleb is actually to his left. so it just looks to me like Philip was gonna try to kill Evelyn again, and Caleb either jumped in front of her to protect her and got accidentally stabbed or he attacked Philip back, to, again, protect Evelyn, and Philip ended up winning that fight. but that's just my theory)

my brother in literal christ and literal titan – why in the FUCK are you just hugging it out with a smile on your face??? you ran off while giving absolutely no warning to anyone, especially your younger brother! why do you think he's here and actively trying to attack you and your new wife? you're not even trying to address the fact that you left him! at least when Luz ran off to a different realm without warning, she had a "I'm still at the camp" cover, so Camila wouldn't worry that much about where her daughter is, and even then she still felt bad for leaving her mother and planned to go back home once summer was over. this chucklefuck, on the other hand, just permanently portaled away to the Boiling Isles, knocked up a witch and fully settled down there, walking around with a big ol' smile and no care in the world. "Philip who? never heard of him"

the only thing that would sorta make this situation seem better (as in, not make Caleb seem like an overly naive ignorant brick), in my opinion, is if they added one more portrait – after the one where he meets the witch, but before the one where he leaves. in that portrait, Caleb would look like he's trying his best to convince Philip that witches aren't actually evil, and perhaps even try to get him to go live with them in the Demon Realm, all the while Philip's looking at him with either disagreement/disappointment/disgust or just rolling his eyes and full on ignoring him, while sharpening his witch hunt tools or something. then it would look like Caleb at least tried to make his brother change his mind, like he tried to offer him a chance to go with them. but no. with the way the portraits look in the final version it just seems like Caleb was fully on-board with killing witches since he was young, even pulling his younger brother along to think the same way, Philip also thought that Caleb was perfectly fine with killing witches, but once he actually meets a real witch (assuming they've never met one before) he instantly pulls an uno reverse card and just runs off with her, without so much as telling his brother beforehand.

I'm not trying to say that "Belos should've been redeemed, because he's the victim here and Caleb is bad and it's all his fault". he still murdered his brother and went on to manipulate everyone on Boiling Isles for centuries, with his end goal being the death of all witches, while simultaneously being stuck in the loop of "denial" and "bargaining" stages of grief – repeatedly trying and failing to recreate a perfect copy of Caleb, but also killing each one that came out wrong or went against him. Belos not being redeemed in the end was the right choice (ignoring the "Belos was always le bad" from King's dad), I agree with that. frankly, if he actually got redeemed in the end, I'd probably be seething for the next 3 to 5 years, like how I did after the Diamonds' "redemptions" in SU (yes I'm still pissed about that lol). I'm just saying that, from what was shown to us, Caleb didn't seem like that good of a person either, not as bad as Belos ended up being, but still not that great. and, once again, seemingly had a raisin for a brain.

(off topic, but during Masha's retelling of Wittebane's backstory, their "sounds like big bro got a hot witch girlfriend and little bro got upset" line was so fucking cringe, it gave me a fever for 3 days the first time I watched the episode)

k, rant over, I dunno what else to add

TL;DR: I think Caleb was dumb as a brick, because, from what was shown to us in their backstory, he seemed to have run off to Demon Realm and abandon Philip without telling him anything beforehand. when Philip came to BI to look for his brother, who he assumed was under control of the witch who "took" him, since he thought his last living family member wouldn't just abandon him, and when he eventually found him, and it turned out he wasn't in any danger at all, Caleb just brushed the whole "I left you for witchussy" thing under the rug and pretended everything was and is perfectly fine, even though it clearly isn't. rip bozo

#toh critical #toh criticism #big ol' rant here lol #ever since we saw those portraits I've always thought it was kinda weird how Caleb just ran off with no warning #I thought it'd be adressed in the 3rd season at some point #like maybe there'd be a scene of Belos and Hunter talking #and Belos starts getting angry and going on a rant #“you're ALWAYS leaving me Caleb! and for what? for a witch you've just met?!” or something like that #and after Belos started hallucinating Caleb's ghost I instead thought there'd be a scene of him talking directly to it instead of Hunter #but nah it all just kinda got thrown away #and Belos turned into “always been le bad” kaiju #meanwhile Hunter is just 404 not found #lol #lmao even #rant #♤mizu.txt

[pinkyjulien]

I really, really hate the "Female V is canon" vs "Male V is canon" debate that been popping here and here in the tags those past weeks

Cyberpunk 2077 is a Role Playing Game, there is no "canon" protagonist, that's the whole point. We all have a different playstyles, different stories and headcanons, our custom V is The Canon V of Our Own playthroughs!

After Phantom Liberty dropped, I've seen a lot of players, on Tumblr or Twitter, voicing their concerne and disappointment in how much more Female V focused the official promo, videos and even in-game credits became

I was one of them too, expressing my feelings multiple times, sometimes awkwardly, frustrated that Male V players were once again brushed to the side, because that's how it feels like, right?

Well, it might feels like it, but this isn't the case AT ALL, far from it. This is only what I would call a "Fandom Phenomenon" and I want to talk more about it a bit

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine who works in the game industry and it opened my eyes on the matter, and I've since been really interested in seeing RPGs statistics!

Because it's really, really important to make the difference between the Casual Player Base (majority of players) and the Fans / Fandom Base (minority of players)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I always been lurking in fandoms here on Tumblr, since Mass Effect, Dragon Age, and now with Cyberpunk 2077 and Baldur's Gate 3

First I want to drop some stats- might be completly wrong, but I'm only sharing my point of view here, in an attempt to explain why some people are frustrated with Female V being the focus (and why we shouldn't be!)

I think it's not wrong to say that fandoms are mostly occupied by women and fem-identifying individuals; fandoms are a safe place for players and fans to share their passions. Women are STILL HEAVILY harassed and hated in the gaming industry as a whole, it doesn't take a lot of digging to catch a vile comment on Twitter or on Twitch for example, you cannot go far without seeing someone either attacking or sexualizing them

This is a huge problem in the industry still, every games that release with a female protagonist get trashed- just look at the bullshit surrounding GTA 6 just because players will be able to play as a woman as an option

Fandoms are also safe for non-gender conforming people, non-binaries, trans people and queer men, but I think fem individuals and women are a clear majority, at least on Tumblr (only talking about genders identity here and not about being queer or not, not talking about sexualities or attraction) (not an official stat at all and only my point of view and experience from being on Tumblr since ~2012)

Now let's talk about Cyberpunk 2077- because this is my main fandom since 2020, and what prompted me to write this post in the first place

CDPR didn't share any stats recently, but it's REALLY SAFE to assume the MAJORITY of players are playing a straight Male V romancing Panam, followed by a lesbian Female V romancing Judy, but the player pools for both options are still majoritarly cis hetero men (and they are still the focus for AAA studios to sell their games, this is sadly just how it is)

However on the fandom side, Fem V was always the focus; virtual photography, mods, ships, OCs... She was always more popular than Male V, getting more interactions and notes and why trends like "Male V monday" were created and why there is still a lack of male V focused mods (non-binaries and trans fem folks and characters are also sadly under-represented in all type of content and art)

So, being yourself as a non-fem player, playing as a Masc V, seeing CDPR officially make the switch from Male V to Female V, when the space you've been in for the past 3 years has been overwhelmingly Female V focused on all front, was a bit of a punch in the guts; like I said earlier, I was reaaally frustrated with this too!

And I'd say it's "normal"? or at least "ok" to feel this way, it makes sense considering how little attention Male V in general get in the fans community

BUT. BUT... It's REALLY important here to realize how we sound and how we look like when we voice our frustrations on the matter; we sound and look just like all the misogynistic people over on Twitter who screams about "woke games" everytime there is a female protagonist in their "non political games". We have to remember that fandoms are suuuch a small part of the game industry

Baldur's Gate 3 recently shared their stats and this interesting tweet got into my dash

▶ tweet

Astarion is nowhere to be seen in the official most romanced companions statistic, but I'm sure a lot of people will agree that he's probably the most popular one in the fandom side!

Another stat here from Mass Effect and really interesting info coming from David Gaider about how the hardcore fanbase aka fandom's choices were WILDLY different from the casual / main player pool

▶ tweet

Getting my head out of the fandom bubbles and seeing the bigger picture, how much under-represented women still are in official medias (not talking about fan content) and how insanly misoginistic the game industry still is, both on the player and devs sides, helped me handle my own frustration on the matter, accept and even celebrate Female V being the focus for the Phantom Liberty campaign

With all that said tho, we all should be able to vent about the lack of Male, Masc and Non-Binary content in the fandom side, while still being aware of the industry state, it CAN co-exist! It doesn't make anyone a bad or misogynist person!

We are all humans and can be awkward and make mistakes, especially when voicing frustration or talking while in a negative mood. Let's educate one another in good-faithed manners when we slip instead of jumping to conclusion and throw accusations

Not gonna lie I kind of lost my train of thoughts and not sure how to finish this post, but I hope this can enlight some people on why CDPR made this choice!

Repeating this as a finale note; this doesn't mean that Female V is the "main" V or "canon" V . It's simply her time to shine, and it's well deserved! The industry needs it

#cyberpunk 2077 #phantom liberty #text #long post #like- LONG LONG post hgfhgf #hope my rambling makes sense #I legit been really interested in reading these statistics #hope CDPR will drop a similar sheet since the Ultimate edition is out :O #blah blah

[angelsanarchy]

Elecktrick Children: One Long Weekend- Epilogue Clyde + Y/n

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@siriuslymooned@cc-luvr@crypticsewerslut@icarus-star@desert-springtime@shady-the-simp@izuoyarmin@mayathepsychic1999

Clyde had come home from working and immediately got in the shower. He wanted to be ready to receive Y/n once she got home because of her terrible work week. Since moving in with one another, Clyde found that they had fallen seamlessly into a life together, having dinner every night, still going to shows on the weekends. He had even taken her home to meet his dad and step mom. Their lives revolved around one another in the best ways possible.

Y/n was exhausted. She had recently gotten a new position with a magazine and he criticized every one of her photos and yet still made sure to use them on the best articles. She had to actually fight for him to "remember" to credit her on the bottom of the photos just so she could get a paycheck. She spent her whole lunch break complaining to Clyde about him and asking him if they could just kill him and toss him in the desert. Clyde had offered her a compromise that she seemed to be okay with.

Now she was finally on her way home with take out ready to spend the weekend with Clyde as he had promised that once she got home, he would get her insanely high, rub her feet and let her beat him in any Nintendo game she wanted. She carried her bags inside and could see Clyde had already pulled out plates and the weed tray.

"I'm home!" She called out and Clyde walked out in only black sweatpants, bare feet and wet hair fresh from the shower.

"Hey baby, I've already got everything set out. I'm going to roll at least 3 joints since its been a tough week." Clyde started to turn the TV on and Y/n dropped the food on the counter, stripping her bags off and staring at him. She hadn't felt this feral in a while just staring at her boyfriend in his most pure form.

"Go get comfortable, I'll bring the food over to the-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She finally spoke and Clyde froze, still crouched down in front of the TV. He looked confused.

"Um...what?" He asked almost concerned by the look of digust on her face.

"You...look at you." Clyde looked down at himself before staring.

"What? What's wrong?" He stood unsure of what she was referring to.

"You can't just be a perfect boyfriend and insanely fucking sexy in just sweatpants." She had crossed the floor towards him and ran her hands down his chest making him let out a sigh.

"Jesus Christ, you gave me a fucking heart attack." He ran his hands through his hair and Y/n kissed him.

"Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are?" She whispered against his lips. He put his hands on her hips and smiled into the kiss.

"Yeah? I guess a shower really does it for you." Clyde teased as she dropped to her knees and raked his sweats down, exposing his cock in front of her. Clyde jumped slightly at the exposure to the air. She didn't waste any time taking him down her throat and sucking. Clyde groaned looking down at Y/n going to work on his cock like she couldn't help herself.

"Y/n fuck..." Clyde let his hands rest on either side of her head, carefully thrusting into her mouth. She cupped his balls and rolled them between her fingers making his body jolt.

"God you suck my cock so good. I love you so much." He bit his lip, trying not to bust too quickly.

"Where do you want me to cum?" Clyde asked out of breath, nearing his climax.

"Do you have two in you?" She pulled off and looked up through her lashes at him. He shook his head unsure if he could reboot that quickly.

"I already hit the bong so probably just one right now." Y/n gave one more long pull from his cock before standing yanking her panties down her legs and pushing him to sit on the couch. She climbed into Clyde's lap and lowered her dripping pussy onto his cock making them both let out shivering groans. All Clyde could do was hold onto her hips as she rode his cock without any hesitation. She was fucking herself on his cock like it was to save his life.

"Oh fuck Clyde." She whined holding onto his shoulders and raking her fingernails down his pecs. Clyde was on the edge and started thrusting up to match her pivoting her hips down. Her groans turned to screams and Clyde gripped her hips tightly, bruising the skin of her hip as he cum inside of her. Y/n kept saying "yes" as she rode Clyde's cock into her own orgasm slowing her hips and letting her head fall onto his naked shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around her, letting her catch her breath. He could feel both his cum and her own run down his cock as he stayed buried inside of her. When she finally lifted her head to look at him, he laughed.

"Can we do this all weekend?" She asked sweetly and he nodded his head.

"Are you serious? We can stay naked and never leave this fucking couch." Clyde pushed her hair off her face and she returned with her own laugh. They were just two crazy kids in love and enjoying everything that comes with it.

They spent the rest of the weekend, wrapped up in one another, eating take out, playing Nintendo and fucking.

#Elecktrick Children #Clyde x Y/n #Clyde #One Long Weekend #One Shot Series #One Long Weekend Series #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #I just had to...I had to do it. #18/18 #END OF SERIES

[moonlightdancer26]

I'm an ex-marauders fan at this point, but haven't yet worked up the nerve to leave :( Wish me luck.

The marauders fandom promises acceptance and tolerance and lighthearted fun, but as soon as Severus comes up, the previously rosy atmosphere turns downright ugly. I've seen so many marauders fans posting or reblogging about how “your trauma is valid”, how “intentions don’t matter if you hurt someone”, and how “apologies don’t count if they’re coupled with an excuse”… who also go out of their way to justify the ‘prank’ because Sirius didn’t /mean/ to almost kill Snape, and how it’s really all Snape’s fault, and why can’t he get over it already since the marauders clearly became better people (even though Snape never received any kind of apology or any indication that they regretted their behavior)?

And these posts live side by side on their dash? Idk just needed to vent as i figure out where to go next in this fandom (or maybe another one altogether)...

WTF THIS ASK WAS FROM SEPTEMBER 😭😭 I’M SO SORRY I SWEAR I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED TO ANSWER YOUR ASK BUT I GOT TOO BUSY AND ALWAYS POSTPONED IT 😭

Anyway, I totally wish you luck anon. It’s hard switching fandoms and building up the courage to “move to the other side,” but I can tell you that it is 100% worth it when you realise how much the Snapedom differs from the Marauders fandom! As someone who’s been in the fandom for many years, seen what both sides are like, and has a bunch of friends (both online and irl) who don’t always share the same opinion, I can safely say that we are generally far more accepting of different opinions than the Marauders fandom. We tend to steer clear of them because they’re.. very persistent about their opinions and find it amusing to purposefully mistag their anti-Snape posts or to scroll through pro-Snape/anti-Marauders tags and attack the posters. But if you’re not like that and you can accept not always agreeing with friends or fandom members, then we’ll welcome you with open arms <3

And honestly I agree, I’ve seen Marauder stans make excellent and detailed analyses of their favourite characters and articulate their arguments greatly. But then all that reading comprehension shoots out the window when it comes to Snape, and you suddenly see them brush him off as nothing more than a “obsessed incel nazi” and call it a day. I’ve seen similar things happen with Snape fans as well, and I completely understand how you feel.

All I can say is: Just leave the Marauders fandom. Either announce it with a post and say that you no longer wish to be in the Marauders fandom or want to switch to the Snape fandom. Or if you want, you can create another blog altogether. The important thing is that you do it now and get it over with, because simply reading your ask and knowing how it’s negatively affecting you really upsets me. This ask was sent around 2 months ago, so I hope that by now you’ve done something about it, but if you haven’t, this is what I think about the whole situation. I wish you the best ❤️❤️ and if you, or anyone else who’s struggling with anything similar, want to DM me and talk about this, don’t hesitate to do so.

#anti marauders fandom #anti toxic fandoms #anti marauderfen #anti marauder stans #anti snaters #severus snape #pro snape #pro severus snape #snape #harry potter #hp #ask #asks

[fantisyoflove]

Snape's First Year of Teaching (part 4)

[Image from pintrest if you know the artist please tag 😁]

Warnings ⚠️ death, mentions of death, and death eater attacks

Chapter word count: 4663

Total work word count: 24,244

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your mind slowly comes into the conscious realm. In your sleepy state, you are perfectly at ease. That is until you feel a strong presence in your mind. It shrouds around you in a green cloud of smoke.

In a panic you throw up a mental wall slamming out the curling suffocating smoke. Your body responded in kind by jumping out of bed and landing with a thud on the rug below.

Severus shot up and slammed himself into the headboard, knees drawn up, and arms wrapped around himself. He hid his face in his arms.

"What the fu..." you start but then see Severus shaking and muttering.

You stand up, brushing the hair out of your face, you slowly crawl back on the bed.

"Severus?" You say softly and reach to touch his leg. He flinches away with a sharp breath.

"Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you"

"I'm not scared!" He snapped lifting his head.

You gave him a soft smile, "no you're right you're not scared. I'm still sorry for whatever that was" you waved an absent minded hand towards where you had fallen out of bed. Severus straightened himself out on the bed again.

"What... what was that? "

"Did you feel the smoke too!?" You asked concerned "do you still feel it now? Close your eyes!"

Severus was taken aback by the bombarding of questions. He started to shake his head no and then quickly covered his eyes.

"Wait what smoke? What about that giant wall and why are my eyes closed?"

"You felt a wall?"

"Yea it felt like I was smacked in the face by a giant metal wall."

"Severus," you started carefully "were you inside my mind?"

"Well I umm.. " He gave a half shrug, his hands still over his eyes. "Yes. I mean I didn't mean to ... exactly. I was just.. well sometimes I just... but I thought once I was asleep it would kind of like I guess turn off."

"You really are a legilimens?"

Severus nodded, "I'm sorry Lyra I didn't mean you look into your mind. It was just an accident at first but then I kept doing it when I wanted to feel comfortable or safe or to make sure you still like me..."

You grabbed both his hands and pulled them down away from his face. Setting them in his lap you then cupped his face and pulled him closer. You brush your lips against his and then try to pull back to gage his reaction but instead Severus wrapped both his arms around your neck and pulled you against his chest. You quickly move your legs to either side of his hips as he kisses you, pulling your bottom lip into his mouth, his tongue swiping across it before letting it slip into your mouth.

He pulled back suddenly, "wait why did I have to close my eyes?"

You sigh, "really Severus you should do some research into magic before you just start using it all willy nilly"

You adjust yourself so you are straddling his lap, your hands rest between you two, and you can look at him. You feel his cock flex underneath you and you give him a coy smile, "do you think you can focus like this?"

He licks his lips and then nods. "Yes please ignore that" he says not meeting your eyes.

"Well, first of all I told you to cover your eyes because I didn't know who was in my mind before I shut them out and I was worried they might be watching through your eyes."

Snape was truly puzzled now, "you mean to say I could see current events not just thoughts or memories?"

"Some can, it's powerful magic. I can achieve some insight with a spell but you seem to do it just on whim" you said with a slight question to your tone. Severus nodded and you continued, "so by covering your eyes they couldn't see out, even if they could still listen or see in your mind."

"And the wall?"

"That is also magic but that can be learned without spell work. I can teach you if you want"

"It would probably be useful.... why don't you shield your mind all the time?"

"It takes a lot of concentration to do it completely but most of my memories are locked away all the time."

"Oh?"

"What have you seen when you've looked into my mind?"

Severus blushed a deep red and turned his face away from you, suddenly very focused on the pattern in your blankets. "Umm well mostly I just like the feelings I feel from your mind. You are always so calm and it's warm in there" he shrugs dismissively.

You cup his cheek again and pull his face back to yours. He still won't meet your eyes so you nuzzle into his neck, his arms wrap around you instinctively and he rests his cheek on top of your head.

"Do you want me to stop going into your mind?" He whispered

"Part of me wants to say yes because it feels .... odd that you can see so much... but at the same time no because I have nothing to hide"

Severus felt that twinge again, like you were lying.

You felt his stiffen slightly and cautiously put up a complete wall in your mind. He can feel you lying you thought. You didn't think he was that strong with his powers but if they were natural gifts he had of course it would be ... you'd have to choose your words more carefully. You lowered back down the wall with a sigh.

"I won't ask you to stop Severus but I will ask you not to dig too much, a girls gotta have some secrets." You feel him nod and kiss his neck, a groan vibrates in his chest and his hips buck into you.

"I can agree to that." He said

"Do you wanna ask anything else?"

Severus was quiet and still for a very long time. You almost thought he fell back asleep before he cleared his throat and shifted slightly underneath you.

"Do you... do you really... umm see yourself ... see I mean us. Do you see us having..." his voice fails him and he falters trying to complete his sentence. He clears his throat again.

"Do you see us having a relationship? Like with each other? " You can't see his face but you can feel him holding his breath waiting for your answer.

"Oh, umm... well Severus" he tenses "I kinda already" you feel the utter dread filling up inside of him "thought we were... you know. Together?" All of those feelings whooshed out of him so fast and his eyes welt up with tears.

"You mean that?" He asked his voice so shaky you felt like you needed to hold him tighter.

You felt the soft curl of smoke in your mind again. You wondered why you haven't noticed it before, you were always so careful! 'Maybe it's because you are too blind with all these feelings' a voice hissed in your head. 'You are too invested. You are too close. This isn't real'

You take a soft breath and push the thoughts down. You grab Severus's chin and turn him towards you. Kissing him once on the lips, "yes of course" you say and start kissing along his jaw. You think back to that night at Malfoy Manor and focus on the feeling of his hard cock beneath you right now.

Severus tried being sneaky and it seemed like he was successful in reaching your mind without you knowing this time. He felt the sincerity in your words and then the rush of other feelings. He felt how you felt in that moment and his hips jerked in response.

"Since we are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend do you think we could, well you know" you say and roll your hips into his then gently rock back and forth.

Severus's eyes widen, and he pulls out of your mind. The feeling of his body on fire is too much. His mind is racing, even with the unmistakable proof from your mind he still questioned if you ACTUALLY liked him or not.

"We can wait too, it's okay Severus, no rush" you say seeing the sheer panic on his face.

"Lyra, I want to. Gods all mighty I do, I just don't know if I can right now." He is so pink right now you have to kiss his nose. Then you nuzzle your nose with his.

"It's okay Severus. I understand. I've never done anything like this before either so I get it"

Severus scoffed, "I find that hard to believe."

You furrow your eyebrows and look at him a little perplexed, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that you seem a little more... skilled at certain things. And that night in the closet when your father found us... he made it sound like that wasn't the first time he found you in a closet with some guy!" Snape's voice raises slightly towards the end.

You press your lips together, your tongue pushes on the inside of your teeth as you bite back a quick response. You breath in through your nose and try to calm yourself.

"Severus it's not like that. Please I feel like you are just trying to find another way to push me away."

He rolls his eyes, "sure yea whatever"

You climb off of him and go pull a robe on over your pajamas. "Maybe you should go" you say softly.

"Maybe I will" he snapped. He shoved his legs into his pants not even bothering to take off the pajamas he was already wearing and then snatched up his cloak before stomping out into the living room.

You followed behind him twirling your hair up on top of your head and putting your wand through it to hold it in place.

He stuffed his feet into his boots not even bothering to tie them as he stomped to the door.

"Severus," you start but then stop as he turns to look at you. The anger in his eyes steals your voice.

"What!" He snaps

"I'm... I " you clutch your arms around yourself, not sure what to say.

"Well spit it out!" He snaps and you flinch at his words.

"Please don't be mad. I don't want you to be mad"

"I'm not mad!" He shouts. You feel the green smoke engulf your mind and suddenly you are spinning very fast the whole room a blur until you stop. You drop to your knees unable to keep yourself upright. The scene before you clears and you see yourself a young girl sitting in your father's shop reading a book. A group of men enter and promptly dispose of all the customers. Your father shouts at them but your eyes are locked on the little girl version of yourself. You watch as she hides under the table, as she is pulled out by her ankles by one of these men, as her father is made to kneel before them, as they point their wands at him at first and then at you. You still feel the pricking of the mans nails in your shoulder, your hand goes to your shoulder to check if he was actually holding you and not the child version of you. Nothing. You catch sight of Severus watching the scene unfold too behind you. He looks stunned. You turn back to the scene now the child is screaming. Glass shatters, everyone covers their ears and the death eaters fall to their knees. You cover your ears too, the scream deafening. Suddenly the death eaters fly out the now shattered windows and land in a pile in the street. The child stops screaming. Everything stills. You remember you have the power to stop all this and throw Severus out of your mind.

Crashing back down to the present. You don't even try to stand up, your head is still spinning.

The silence surrounds you as Severus seems to come back to himself, he rushes towards you.

"Lyra! Lyra I am so sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I wasn't trying ..." you hold up your hand to stop him and then place it on your forehead trying to stop the spinning. Severus picked you up, surprisingly with ease, and set you on the couch. In a fuss he seemed to flit around the room as he started the kettle, got you a blanket, and brought you a cup of tea.

You held it in both hands, the warmth of it grounding you. Severus stood near you wringing his hands together.

"What can I do?" He whispers.

"Hold me?" You breath

He is so hesitant but finally he sits next to you with his arms wrapped around your shoulders. You lean your head against his chest.

After a long 10 minutes he said "how did that happen?"

You took a deep shaky sigh and set the cup of tea down and snuggled closer to him. He pulled you into his lap and tucked the blanket around you more, resting his chin on top of your head.

"Your powers are unchecked and big emotional responses can make it harder to control it. You need to control your emotions, discipline your mind."

Severus nodded and then kissed the top of your head. "I'm sorry" he muttered into your hair.

"For...?" You coaxed

He sighed, "for being a jerk. I don't know how you're still friends with me"

It wasn't the best apology but you could accept it.

"Maybe it's because I secretly know you're only a jerk because people have always been mean to you. How would you know what a healthy relationship looks like "

Severus felt like the invisible glass shattered around him. You were right, he realized.

"How do you do it?" He asked.

"Hmm?" You hummed your eyes closed and your body relaxed into his.

"How do you keep yourself in such control all the time? You always have your emotions in check and here I am a complete mess."

"Lots of practice." You say

Severus is drawing light circles across your arm, "could you teach me?" He asked

"To control your emotions? "

"And to shield my mind"

"I guess it would be useful, it would mean though that you would have to practice against the spell and the first few times I might get in and. .. well see inside your mind."

Severus stiffened, "you could see anything?"

"I could see everything." You say firmly. You pull back from him to look at his eyes. "But who would you rather see inside your mind? Me? Or your enemies? "

Severus honestly thought about it. "... you" he said after a beat.

"Excellent, we will start tomorrow" you said and snuggled back against Severus' chest.

Severus wanted to protest and say that you should start now but the warmth and heaviness that clung to his body stalled him. He held you close to him and breathed in your scent. Soon he felt you snoring lightly and he felt comfortable enough to rest his eyes too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner Severus came to your flat to practice. You stifled a giggle as you watched him from the window sneaking across the snow covered lawn. Luckily the foot traffic there was so thick no one would notice another set of foot prints. You told him he didn't need to sneak around since you were both adults but he made a good point that the students would talk and they didn't need to be talking about their two professors together or speculating what they were doing together, alone, and so late into the evening.

You had to hold yourself back from telling him they come up with these theories all on their own with little evidence. Some students you had even over heard spoke about Severus being interested in professor McGonagall or even madam Hooch. Simply on the fact that he had sat next to them during meals sometimes or spoke to them in the halls.

The first time he came you promised you would go easy on him.

"Imagine all your memories and thoughts locked away in a chest or trunk.... now mentally think of a wall all around your thoughts.... ready?"

You watched his face as he set it to neutral and then held his hands behind his back.

"Ready" he confirmed

You raised your wand, a slight tick in his eyes but otherwise he held firm, you cast the spell and felt yourself enter his mind easily. So many memories and thoughts flashed before you. You saw a small boy huddled in a corner as two adults shouted at each other, then a woman standing in front of that same little boy as she struck him across the face, then you saw hogwarts and the small boy gets sorted into Slytherin, then out in the lawn the boy lays next to a little girl with red hair, then the boy is older now sitting under a tree as a group of four other boys use magic to pelt him with pinecones. You feel like you've seen enough and pull away.

Severus staggers back and catches himself on the edge of your couch. Sweat beads on his forehead and he looks paler than before. You rush over and help him sit down on the floor. You pull out a chocolate bar from your pocket and brake off a piece for him. He takes it hesitantly, his fingers shaking, but pops it in his mouth and chews.

"I'm sorry Severus. The first time is always the hardest. Once you've rested a moment we can try again." You move to sit by him but he jumps up.

"No," he quickly swallows the chocolate "do it again." He looks determined but you are nervous.

"Sev... we can take a minute..."

"No!" He snaps. "Sorry . . . No." He says a little softer this time. "I can do this"

You sign and stand back up pointing your wand at him again, "you sure?"

"Do it."

You cast the spell again this time there is some resistance. You feel a small amount of pressure. But one push further and you see tumbling back into his memories. You feel flooded with emotions, you can't exactly see anything but you feel the most awful pain on your back, then like someone has kicked you in the stomach. You lurch out of his mind and fall forward on your hands and knees. The faint feeling of the wind getting knocked out of you passes almost immediately but the ghost of it has you cautiously taking your next few breaths.

"Lyra!" He choaks and rushes forward to help you up. Your body hunches, expecting the pain, but there isn't any. You stand up straight and brush the hair out of your face.

"That was better" you quip.

Severus still looked worried for you, "I'm so sorry I was really trying that time"

"Don't rush it! It takes time. Come let's sit awhile." You motion to the table and Severus sits while you make tea. As you wait for the water to boil you find yourself rubbing at your back where the pain was.

Severus watches you and then looks out the window as he says, "it was a strap."

"Hmm?" You turn around. He isn't looking at you and you thought maybe he hadent spoken in the first place but then he said so softly you had to focus on his lips to understand.

"The pain is from a strap, he used it on my back." You could hear the pain in his voice and so many odd quirks about Severus finally made sense.

Suddenly you felt very angry and had to force yourself to calmly make tea. 'Dumbledore really knows how to pick us' you thought bitterly. 'Take a wounded animal and give it a little food and some attention and suddenly it will do anything you ask'

You take a deep breath and fix your face before turning back to the table and setting the mugs down.

"I'm so sorry Severus." You take his hand in yours and just hold it for awhile. Slowly Severus turns back to you.

"Thank you... for the tea" he says picking up his mug.

You both feel tired after and Severus insists on going back to his own chambers for the evening.

"If you're sure Sev ... but like I said I have watch tonight so you could sleep here and I'll be back closer to dawn"

Severus shook his head. "No last time I slept over I was almost seen leaving your place by those students that jog in the mornings" he scoffed, he never understood people running for enjoyment.

"Alright Severus well if you feel up to it tomorrow we can try again." You shrugged on your cloak.

"Yes tomorrow" he said as he grabbed his own cloak and followed you down the stairs.

You walked him to the dungeons and then went about your watch duties. After you had checked all the common room halls and the great hall you went towards the headmasters office.

Up the stairs you found Dumbledore pacing in his office.

"Ah miss Burke. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You have to cut him loose"

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, "I'm sorry you'll have to clarify"

"Snape, he is too fragile. Cut him loose. Get someone else to spy for you. I'll do it"

"You know Voldemort doesn't allow women in his inner circle."

"I'll take a polyjuice potion every night and ..."

"And when he discovers your true identity? Then what will happen to you? To your family?" Dumbledore says matter of factly. "You would put your own life on the line but what about theirs?"

You clenched your fists and tried to breath evenly. "Well we must do something. I don't think he can handle it."

"And what makes you say that? Severus is far more powerful than he let's on. I believe with the right tools and the right training he could do great things." Dumbledore picked up a jelly bean from a bowl on his desk and chewed it thoughtfully. "Ah, lemon, my favorite" he turned away from you now and looked outside the window.

"These are dark times Melyra. We must all do our part." The tone in his voice left the impression that no more would be said about it.

You stomped your foot and left in a huff. You couldn't help it, Dumbledore was right.

If you couldn't keep Severus away then you would help him be strong enough to hold his own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the rest of the week Severus came to your flat after dinner and you practiced. By the third night he had managed to keep the wall up and keep you out.

By the fourth night he could push you out of his mind after you had entered it.

And by the fifth night he was able to lock away almost all of his memories so all you could see was what he allowed you to see.

"I'm so proud of you Severus! You've come so far. You are a very good student" you booped him on the nose with your finger. He smiled and playfully pushed you away only to grab you and pull you back into his arms.

"I have an excellent teacher" he kisses you on the lips and holds you against his chest.

"Yes you do" you agree and kiss him back.

You both relax on the couch, comfortable in the silence.

Outside the clock tower chimes signaling the stroke of midnight. Severus shifts and starts to stand up from underneath you.

"Wait, Sev, please stay. You haven't all week and tomorrow is Saturday anyway. You won't have to rush off early for classes. No one would know." You plead.

Severus looks unsure. He knows he has been trying to keep you at arms length. He feels that if he pulls away enough you'll still keep him around but it won't hurt as bad when you find out the truth.

"Please" you whine. Severus can't help but smile. You are so strong, so sure of yourself, but then you resort to whining and pouting to try and get your way.

"Alright, I will stay tonight" he says. You squeel and pounce on him kissing him all over.

Severus summons his pajamas and toothbrush and goes to your bathroom to prepare for bed. You make up the bed with clean sheets and once Severus comes out you go into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

You leave the door open out of habit and Severus can see you from the bed. He watches as you comb your hair, put on lotion, and brush your teeth. It is all so domestic he can't help but think he would never find something like this.

You climb into bed and wave your wand to put out the lights.

"Good night"

"Good night"

You snuggle under the blankets, a slight chill to the air now that everything was dark and the fire was just embers. Severus wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you tight against him. You fit so perfectly together. His thumb lazily drags across your skin as he holds you. His soft breath warms your neck and you feel comforted by the rise and fall of his chest against your back.

Sleep comes easily.

You feel a tingle between your legs. At first you feel so far away from your body but that feeling pulls you in close. Your brain is fuzzy as you try to work out what it is. You reach down and feel a head between your legs. Your eyes fly open and you try to sit up but Severus gentle pushes you back down. He winks at you before going back to eat you out. His tongue circles your clit and a finger is tracing up and down your folds. He looks up at you and holds you gaze. His finger continues to trace along the edges. You hips buck just wanting more and you realize he is asking for your permission. You can't find your voice but you nod excitedly. The gleam in his eyes as he watches your face as his finger slowly pushes into you. You moan at the wonderful feeling. He sucks you clit and pushes in another finger.

"Oh Severus" you moan your back arches, your body wants more.

"That's my girl," he says. And then kisses up your stomach, his fingers move to your mouth and he watches as you lick them clean.

"Do you want me, my darling?" He whispers in your ear . He kisses along your neck until he finds the perfect spot and starts to suck a hickey onto your neck.

Your hips buck and you nod again.

"Mmm I need to hear you my darling"

"Yes" you breath. Oh gods you can't believe this is actually happening. You feel his cock press against your folds.

"Yes what?" He teases taking his cock and rubbing it up and down your slit coating the tip in your juices.

"Yes Severus please fuck me!" You are so horny right now you want him to fuck you until you can't move anymore. He smiles and trusts his cock into you.

You cry out, back arching.

You bolt upright your eyes wide. Pricks of sweat beat on your forehead. You wipe them away with the back of your hand looking around the room. Everything is dark, you feel a hand on your shoulder.

"Mm Lyra? You okay?" Severus's sleep voice brings you back to reality. It was just a dream.

"Yes, sorry, weird dream" you say and settle back down next to him. Your clit is throbbing and you feel like you might explode but you press your knees together and take calm even breaths.

"Want to tell me about it?" He asks with a yawn.

"Maybe later go back to sleep."

"Okay" he yawns again and then pulls you close to him. You feel like your body is calming down again but you can't fall back asleep.

You lay there and listen to Severus's steady breathing.

'It was just a dream'

#imagine #fanfic #fandom #writing #harry potter #fluff #smut #snapedom #snape smut #professor snape #snape #severus snape #pro severus #pro snape #severus snape x reader #snape imagine #snape fluff #eventual smut #snapes first year teaching #part 4 #severus #severus snape headcanon #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #slytherin

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [10]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 17,399

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon drug use, drug use (don't do drugs), blood, bruises, injuries, look the anti-fear drug turns perfectly innocent people into raging murderers and makes them do things they would never do and that's all I'm gonna say for that one, canon violence, violence, mentions of abuse

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I'm sorry this is extra late lol some personal stuff happened and editing has been hard lol then I was sick so here we are I'm so sorry!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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Instead of providing Dick with any sort of explanation you can think of, you decide you'll meet up with Jason instead. Dick knows he's alive and he's going to want answers which means you're going to be the one interrogated by him. But, Jason tried to kill Dick tonight and that is sending up a large red flag that almost makes you want to tell Dick everything. So, you figure you can meet up with Jason and hope he gives you a good enough reason to either keep your mouth shut or to spill what you know to Dick. Something is off and it's more than just Jason coming back from the dead.

You head outside to the front steps of the Manor. The only people awake are just you and Dick anyway, but you want to be outside for this one. You take out the burner and press redial.

"Shouldn't you be getting some damn sleep?" Jason answers.

"Shouldn't you?" You quip back. "Heard you had an eventful night."

"Fair enough." He remarks but he sounds tired.

"Can we meet?" You ask bluntly.

"Now?" Jason huffs, looking around his hideout that's lit up with lamps on the floor.

"Yeah, now." Your voice is flat and usually Jason can read what you're up to but not now.

"Why?" His brows knight together as the word is slow to leave his throat.

"I can't want to see you after you just fought the Titans?" You ask, a slight snip in your voice.

"You gonna bitch about it?" Jason quips back getting the idea maybe Dick told you what happened or Gar.

"No." You lie.

"Fine. Remember that alley the day we did that bust at the warehouse in Crime Alley?"

"Yes?"

"Meet me there. Leave now." Jason says quickly before hanging up.

You pull the phone from your head, looking at it. Now that's also a bit uncharacteristic of him. He always says it. He always tells you he loves you before he hangs up. Your heart plummets to your stomach. You made the Pet Sementary reference to him but you didn't think it would be literal. Now, you're starting to think maybe it is.

The idea that just because you can bring someone back from the dead, doesn't mean you can bring someone back from the dead. Something about them is different, there's a change. Like a part of their soul or something gets left behind. The good parts of them stay behind but everything else is what gets to come back. You know that's not entirely true because of how he was with you when you met up the first time. That can't be it. But there is something. And it's eating at you.

Jason, on the other hand, he knows you. He knows you want to meet up to check on him, yes. You’ll always want to check on him after any sort of fight with anyone. It’s what you do. But, he also knows you’re going to have questions about him attacking Dick and the other Titans. You tipped him off, sure, but maybe you didn’t think he was going to actually attack them. He knows you’re going to question him about it, probably lecture him. He doesn’t want to listen to it. He can’t listen to it. A part of him will want to break if he does and he knows it. He knows he will if he goes there clean. So, he doesn’t. He hits the inhaler and pockets it before heading to the alley.

Jason gets there first, hiding in the shadows until you show up. You’re on your bike, completely suited up. You don’t want anyone seeing you with him. Not the real you. Red Hood is pissing off a lot of people and you already have enough shit you’re dealing with. The last thing you want is a target painted on your civilian self for being seen with him.

You dismount the bike, popping the helmet on the handlebar as you look around. Jason walks out from the shadows, wearing the suit and the helmet. Of course, he is.

“I’m fine.” Jason states. You don’t like how the helmet makes him sound.

“Yeah, well, had to see for myself.” You let out a breath as you close the rest of the distance between you.

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” Jason takes the helmet off and he isn’t smiling or grinning. His expression is flat and your heart starts to sink.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jay?” You shake your head, Jason getting a hint of annoyance in your voice.

“I mean I’m fine.” He rolls his shoulders, his voice flat.

Your eyes are scanning over him and it’s dark but you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have any bruises. It seems either the helmet and suit did a good job of protecting him tonight or Dick didn’t get a hit in. That’s at the very least a small relief but Jason Todd has never been fine. You’re starting to think he doesn’t actually know the definition of the word.

“Right. You have said you’re fine a hundred times and not once have you actually been fine.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Jason’s teeth grit for just a split second. “Don’t fucking worry. I told you. I got this handled.” Jason holds the helmet on his hip, his stance strong and sturdy.

He’s different than he was yesterday. He was grinning and smirking because it’s him. Whenever he claims to be fine, he gives you a grin as if that’s going to melt your worry away. But, not tonight and he seems bored and defensive.

“Why are you being so…weird?” You raise a brow at him.

Jason brushes you off, thankful for the drug coursing through his system. He’d never be able to deal with this without it.

“I’m not weird.” Jason defends.

“Yeah, you are. You’re acting weird.” You argue.

You don’t get it and maybe you won’t ever. But, this is him now. He’s not acting weird because this is the new him. Red Hood, fearless. He has no worries or fears anymore, just a mission. Jason swears he’s not acting weird, you’re just expecting the old him.

“This is just the new me.” He lets out this sort of chuckle that doesn’t sit well in your stomach.

“Uh-huh. Right. You seemed…kind of normal last time but now you seem…off.” Your eyes scan over his face and your heart is in your throat, the formula running through your mind.

“Just glad to be doing what Bruce couldn’t.” Jason holds his head up high with ease.

“This conversation is going fucking nowhere.” You let out a sigh as you look to the ground.

You came here with the intent to be sure he’s fine. It was to get some sort of answer. A real, solid reason not to tell Dick anything. Dick is going to have so many questions when you get back tonight. All of them will be about Jason and what his new plan is now that he’s alive. You need a reason to keep what you do know to yourself and Jason is giving you every reason to be worried enough to talk to Dick.

“So, go home.” Jason scoffs but he’s not even offended or upset. It’s like he doesn’t even care.

Your attention snaps back to him. “What the fuck? I’m worried about you and you don’t even care?”

It’s not that he doesn’t care. The drug numbs part of that but not entirely. It can’t otherwise they wouldn’t be able to have a plan in the first place. Jason has to be able to care about the city and the people he’s trying to protect otherwise there is no plan. It’s not that he does not care, it’s that he doesn’t care to go through the arguing in circles game while you dig for information.

“What else did you want? I know you want something else.” Jason dodges the question on purpose, knowing he won’t even feel guilty about it.

A lump forms in your throat as he dodges the question. He comes back to life and is, generally, normal but now he’s not? How is that even possible?

“Dick knows you’re alive.” You swallow the lump and if he’s going to pretend like this doesn’t hurt him, fine, you’ll do the same.

“Yeah, broke my other helmet, had a backup though.” Jason looks down to the helmet on his hip and then back to you with ease, the very corners of his mouth twitching into a grin.

“Oh, I’m so glad you have a spare helmet, Jason.” You snark through a scoff. “Unbelievable.” You look down and this is not how you wanted this to go. “Why did you try to shoot him?”

“He was in the way.” Jason answers casually.

The Titans are going to get in the way and Dick is the leader. Without him, the Titans will fall apart. Crane is right about Dick. He thinks he’s better than Jason. He thinks he’s the golden child, and he always was to Bruce. Bruce couldn’t even be bothered to kill the Joker for Jason but he would have for Dick. Dick dropped him from a skyscraper. Dick got him kidnapped and tortured. This all comes back to him and Bruce. 

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head and you’re sick of the games with him right now. “Are fucking joking!?” You finally yell. This isn’t funny. Dick is his brother, he’s your friend. He could have killed him. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Nope.” Jason gives you a grin. The drug loves confrontation.

This is not the Jason you once knew.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You glare up at him. “He’s in your way? Well, damn Jason, maybe don’t attack the fucking Titans.” You gesture your hands out as you shrug your shoulders.

Jason’s blood starts to boil as you yell. You swore you weren’t working with them but from where he’s standing, it sure as shit seems like you are. Crane said you would. Crane said you’d start working with them the second you found out what he was doing. Maybe he was right and it’s pissing Jason off. You’re supposed to be on his side.

“I thought you weren’t fucking working with them.” Jason seethes. You lied. You lied to him. Of course, you’re working with them. Maybe Crane was right about you, too.

But you tipped him off. 

“I’m fucking not! But I give a shit about them. In case you forgot, Dick saved my life twice. Gar is our best friend. Conner saved your life. Kory fucking tried to save our lives. I know you care about them. Why the hell would you go after them?”

“Dick treats me like shit. I’m fucking no one to him. He thinks he’s so much better than me.” Jason scoffs. “You said Rachel was his lap dog, but look at you now.” Jason laughs cruelly as he closes some of the distance between you. “You’re the one screaming at me and defending him.” Jason shakes his head, looking down at you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he were trying to intimidate you.

Maybe you don’t know better.

“You tried to kill him! He pisses me off sometimes, too but I don’t want him dead! I’m not his damn lap dog, either. I just don’t know what the hell is going on. And you won’t fucking tell me.” You grit your teeth, standing toe-to-toe with him.

“That’s because it’s none of your fucking business, but don’t worry, babe, you’ll see soon enough.” Jason offers this grin that you can’t tell is him taunting you or threatening you. And from here, with him nearly standing on top of you, you can see his eyes better.

His pupils are dilated and your heart is suddenly in your throat. On the one hand, making a drug and selling it to innocent people is really bad and you were hoping that was not it. But, on the other hand, a part of you thinks him taking something is worse in a way. The formula screams from the back of your head and Dick’s general concern about it, Jason’s weird and erratic behavior before he died. Him going after the Joker. He’s definitely high and you have no fucking idea how you missed that either or what even lead him here.

“Literally, are you high right now?” You question him, hoping against all odds whatever he’s on will make him tell you, like an overconfidence thing. “Because the Jason I know wouldn’t be laughing and trying to kill the Titans. The Jason I know wouldn’t be being such a fucking dick to me right now.”

Jason lets out a laugh, ignoring your question because he’s not playing into your hand. “So, go home.” There’s a wicked look in his eyes as he looks down at you. And it hurts. “This is me, new and improved.” There’s almost something threatening in the way his eyes darken to the deepest shade of evergreen you’ve ever seen.

“If you think this an improvement, I have news for you. The new you sucks.” You spit back.

It’s like the drug loves confrontation. It’s as if confrontation triggers something. The drug is supposed to suppress fear. That’s the point of it. But it seems to do a few other things. If confrontation starts, it’s like Jason gets an adrenaline boost but not in self-defense, instead, it’s more like skydiving. It’s actually fun, it doesn’t matter who the confrontation is with. It’s fun. Thrilling. Jason doesn’t realize that maybe that was Crane's plan. He’s a mad scientist. Maybe the drug is meant to suppress his fear but maybe it’s meant to control other parts of him in just the right way to do his bidding. Like using confrontation as another drug. Jason doesn’t see it. He can’t see it because the drug, at the end of the day, is Crane’s creation. Because Crane is the one pulling the strings behind the curtain.

And unfortunately for you, you’re kicking up the confrontation.

Jason’s smile falls as he shakes his head. There’s an anger that sparks across his eyes, something you’ve never directed at you. “Really? Not what you fucking said yesterday. Not what you said earlier today when you tipped me off.”

“You weren’t like this yesterday or earlier.” You argue, holding your ground.

Jason steps forward, making you take steps back until your back hits the alley wall behind you and your heart spikes. Your head isn’t throbbing but a very small part of you, is a little bit scared. This isn’t him. Jason wouldn’t try to kill Dick. Jason does not threaten you. But there’s a look in his eyes and if he’s willing to kill Dick and attack his friends, what’s he willing to do to you?

“Go. Home.” Jason warns.

The anger is flooding every aspect of him and he wants to give in. His brain says it's gonna be fun. It'll feel good to fight and argue. It'll be great to say everything that's crossing his mind right now. He won't feel guilty or fear or worry. It's it's own little high if he just gives in. Just a little bit. But the other parts fight hard with his teeth gritting together. He fights against the anger. Because it's you.

"What-what are you gonna do if I don't?" You lack venom in your voice because you're actually curious and worried what he'll do. For the first time in knowing him, you're worried what he might do. You know he won't do anything. You know he won't. If he were going to, he would have already. But it crosses your mind anyway.

His eyes are locked on yours and he wants to fight so bad. It's going to be fun and thrilling, it'll make him feel something incredible. But only for that moment, until the high wears off. That part of him that's still him, is banging and foaming at the mouth with a wailing cry, begging him to let it go and turn around. It's as if the drug is keeping the good parts of him locked away in a prison and Jason has to decide which side he's going to be on.

But it's you.

It's never really a thought at the end of the day.

Jason takes a step back, his fists balling at his sides. Not you.

"Just go and don't fucking tell anyone." Jason warns. "You promised you wouldn't and you said you don't break them. So, fucking don't." Jason uses your own words against you.

Relief starts to come over you and you've never seen him look at you like this. Dick is right. You hate that that thought is what comes to mind. Somehow, Dick is the one that's right here. This is not the Jason you know and love. He's high and something bad is coming from this. You're going to figure out what's going on, the full story, and you're going to get him back or die trying. He's in there, yesterday proved it.

"Fine." You agree because you aren't about to argue further when he's high. You don't want to see where this is going to go or how bad it can get. "But get your shit together, Jason. I'm serious." You move past him.

"Don't do anything stupid. I'm doing this." Jason huffs.

You shake your head and Dick can handle himself. You turn to face him. "You leave me and Gar the fuck out of your shit with Dick." You warn.

"Fine." Jason agrees. He never wants to hurt Gar anyway.

"Okay." You let out a reluctant sigh. "You know," You start as you turn to fully face him. "I'll figure it out, right? You know I will. I don't know what you need to do to prepare for that, but I will. And I'm gonna get you back." You hold your voice steady.

Jason raises a brow at you. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Jason swears you can't know what's really going on. You know about the formula but Jason also knows he left a code in it to throw you, specifically, off. He doesn't think you'll figure it out and he's not entirely sure how you know anything else. He wonders if he's really acting so differently that it's sending up enough red flags.

"I know you better than anyone. I'll figure it out." You turn around. "Not giving up on you, Jay." You grab your helmet from the bike and he should be angry.

He should be scared but all he can do is laugh and there he is. There's the Jason you know. The real Jason would find you being nonchalant and casual right after that exchange amusing. It's why you did it. He's in there somewhere and you're gonna get him back. You just saw him yesterday and Dick showed you the formula. You don't like that he has to be right but he clearly is. So, you'll get him back, you're certain.

"You gonna stay outta my way then?" Jason gives you that signature grin of his and something about it eases some of your own worry.

"Guess I'll have my hands full while I figure it out so..." He can't see it, but you're smirking under your mask and helmet.

"Good fucking luck." Jason states as you start up the bike. You nod your head once before you peel off into the street.

He should be worried you'll figure it out. But he isn't and not just because of the drug. If you're busy digging into him, that means you won't be around the Titans. That means he can continue on with the plan without having to make sure you're safe. He can be as free as he wants to execute the plan in whatever way is necessary. You won't be the one caught in the crossfire. Jason is confident you won't figure it out because you have too much faith in him. You'll never believe he went to Crane.

Or maybe that's just the drug talking.

When you get back to the Manor, you meet Dick in the kitchen who's still awake trying to figure out how the hell Jason is alive. You didn't provide any information and announced you'd be back before you just left him standig inside of Jason's grave. He's hoping maybe you're willing to give him some information now since you're the one that asked to talk.

Dick places a cup of coffee in front of you as he takes his own seat in front of you at the one of the kitchen counters. "What do you know?" Dick questions, cutting right to the chase.

On the way back, you bounced back and forth on what you'd say and what you wouldn't. Jason's using and that's a problem. He's attacking the Titans which is also a problem. And he's acting weird towards you. You like to believe you can handle most things on your own but it's never really gotten you anywhere and you can't afford to fuck this one up this time just because you're stubborn and loyal to a fault.

"Look, my loyalty lives and dies with him." You state before you raise your brows. "Well, I guess lives, dies, then lives again." You roll your eyes. "And I'm not gonna betray him but...I actually don't know much." You state. "I just knew he was alive, not really anything else. He called me yesterday and asked me to meet up with him. I did. And it was him."

"How did you know it was him?" Dick asks and he isn't sure if he should believe you. You left abruptly, likely to meet up with Jason and now you want to talk? But, he's willing to listen.

"You and me." You answer. "Something we always said. He mentioned the necklace he gave me." You state as Dick glances to the infinity charm around your neck. "There's a tracker in it but only he would know that. Bruce didn't know. At least, we don't think he knew Jason did that. Few other things but that was the big one." You chew the inside of your cheek. "He, uh, he seemed...normal all things considered."

Dick's eyes narrow and he finds it hard to believe that's all you know. Dick knows the two of you were thick as thieves and you'd both go to the ends of the Earth to defend each other. But, you did admit to knowing you knew when Dick asked and Dick is getting the feeling you aren't lying this time.

"And you don't know anything else?" Dick pushes.

You take a sip of your coffee before straightening your back and clearing your throat. Dick already knows about the drug and suspects Jason is using so telling Dick that sucks, but he already knows. It's just confirmation and telling Dick how Jason is alive doesn't seem too bad. It's a Lazurus Pit, that can't be too much information. But, you decide to keep Jason having a partner to yourself. It seems safer that way. If they're dangerous like Jason thinks they are, it should be safer to keep that to yourself. But, telling Dick everything else, might be helpful in getting the old Jason back. You hate yourself for it. You hope he'll understand one day, you hope Jason will forgive you for it.

You don't think you'll forgive yourself.

"Lazarus pit. That's what he said. He said he doesn't really know how it works but someone put him in it and brought him back. That's all." You leave out him working with someone, figuring maybe that's for his own protection.

"Ra's Al Ghul probably." Dick lets out a scoff.

"League of Assassins, right?"

Dick nods his head. "Yeah."

"Think they have something to do with it? Besides the Lazurus pit?"

Dick shakes his head. "No, they would have no reason to bring Jason back, and Ra's isn't even in Gotham."

"Alright, well what are you thinking?" You ask in hopes maybe Dick has some insight. At the end of the day, you know you have a bias. You know your emotions can get in the way when it comes to Jason but Dick can put all of that aside to see what he needs to.

"You said you know him better than anyone." Dick nods his head. "Was he using? When you saw him?"

You hang your head before you offer Dick a solemn expression. "I don't know if he was using before he died. If he was, he hid it well but..." You roll your shoulders, chewing the inside of your cheek and you really hope Jason understands one day. "He was high when I met up with him." You admit, catching Dick off guard. "He wasn't yesterday but he was tonight. And for the fucking record," You state harshly. "That is the only fucking reason I'm telling you anything."

Dick didn't want to believe Jason could be using either. It's a hard pill to swallow and the confirmation does hurt him. But, Dick isn't too surprised. He found the formula and that would explain why Jason went after the Joker and how you don't know much of anything. Jason wouldn't want you involved.

"He must have been high. Maybe that's why he went after the Joker that night. Maybe he was high." Dick keeps his voice level as you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, probably." You scoff with the shake of your head. "And I missed it all which is shit. But, you know," You suck in a breath. "There's more to it and I know you know that. Him making the fucking drug and then taking it is weird as shit even for him. With his mom and shit...it just..." You shake your head. "Doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe it's a favor for someone." Dick offers, agreeing that the drug use and making seems a bit uncharacteristic.

Jason said he's working with someone and you think maybe the drug is a part of that. Whoever he's working with had to be the same person that brought him back which means they'd have to know he died in the first place. Likely would know he was going out to die which also means the Joker plan was actually a plan. You run it over in your head and the more you think about it, the more it sounds like whoever did this, had him killed on purpose with the intention to manipulate him. If the drug is linked then so is everything else.

"He'd need a good enough motive for that though." You suck in a breath. "So, if that's true, it has to be the person who brought him back, right? But, I don't know who that is. Jason didn't say shit."

"Why wouldn't he tell you?" Dick asks. "He told you a lot, didn't he?"

"Yeah, fucking sucks being left out." You snip back. "But, yeah, I don't know. He just said he can't and that was the end of it." You shrug. "Jason has only kept things a secret from me out of self-preservation that's actually just self-destruction or to protect me. So, not too big a fan of this."

"Okay well, I need you to meet up with him again and talk to him." Dick states. "We need answers and if you keep pushing him, maybe he'll tell you more."

"That's not....that's not fair. Talk about what? You want me to meet up with him and tell him to stop fucking around? And tell me everything as if I didn't already do that?" You huff. "What do you think I went to do tonight? I went for fucking answers and got none besides finding out he's high which he did not tell me. It was just obvious."

"If anyone can get to the bottom of it, it would be you. Like you said you know him better than anyone. He didn't tell me or Gar he was alive. He was shooting at me. But, he got you to meet up with him and told you first. You already know more than any of us so even if this is a new version of him that came back, the old Jason is in there somewhere. Enough to trust you." Dick tries his best to reason with you even if he knows it might be a waste of his breath.

"So, you want me to betray him?" You quip back, guilt rattling your bones like a storm cellar in the middle of a tornado.

Jason trusts you and that's not something you would ever take lightly. The one thing the two of you have always had with each other is trust. From the very first day, there has been this trust between you. It's just how it is and you getting any information and telling Dick, would be a betrayal of trust. Anything Jason says to you, you know without him even saying anything, is in confidence because it always is just as it is for you. You do not want to ever betray him, not after everything.

"No," Dick shakes his head. "It's not betrayal."

"He's gonna tell me not to tell you shit. And we both know I will listen to him." You urge and you do not want to be in the middle of it but you can't betray him. Everyone always does and you will not be like everyone else. "You want me to pick sides and look, okay? I know you guys are good and cleared up your shit and you're brothers but you are the like...leader of the Titans. That's where your loyalty lies. Gar, Kory, Conner, Dawn, Hank, they're all Titans. They will side with you. They all would follow you no matter what. Who the fuck does Jason have? That's what this shit always boils down to. He doesn't have anyone, Dick. It's just....him and me." You roll your shoulders.

"What if it saves him from himself?" Dick nods his head.

"What if it gets him killed permanently?" You question.

"You can still try. You don't have to turn on him. If he doesn't tell you not to tell us, you can come back and tell us." Dick offers, trying his best to be a voice of reason. He knows this is hard but Jason is out there killing people, innocent people, and now he's targeting the Titans. He needs to be stopped, regardless on how you feel about it.

"It's always shit said in confidence though. That's how it always is. If...if I do that, hard if, how are we supposed to come back from that? I would have been another person that betrayed his trust. It doesn't fucking matter what he's doing. I can't do that." You shake your head as you plead with Dick. "I'm not a Titan right now. My loyalty is still with him. And I don't want in the middle of it." You state. "Look, I don't even really disagree with him. He said he's cleaning up Gotham and like I said, Bruce's ways don't work. Jason, clearly, is on the same page."

"But you're having this conversation with me right now and that tells me at least some part of you doesn't agree."

"Yeah, I don't agree with him coming after the Titans and I'm worried about the drug side of this. That's the only reason we're even discussing this. I will always be on his side. I don't know if there's anything he can do that would make me quit. And this is hard enough as it is, Dick." You chew the inside of your cheek, tugging your sleeves over your hands. "I don't think he'll forgive me for telling you anything and I can't....I can't betray him more than this."

You know, without a doubt, if the roles were reversed, Jason would never give up on you. You won't do it to him, either.

"Do you believe this is all Jason? He woke up from the dead and chose this?"

It's something that's been bothering her. Him waking up and choosing this is not far-fetched. Him dying, choosing this, and neglecting to tell anyone including her about it, that's the weird part. Sam doesn't know what happened when he died but she has to believe that there is more going on. There has to be more than him just dying and neglecting to tell her anything. There has to be.

"I don't know." You shrug. "I did. He died and I chose this. So, I don't know." You clear your throat because as much as you want to believe this is all Jason, you know there's more. And you're terrified it's going to get bad. He went after Dick and this is more than Jason just trying to fight him in the Tower. "Okay, look, yeah I think something bad is going on. It is weird. I didn't decide to become a crime lord and make a drug. If, hard if, he tells me something I think I can get away with telling you, I will. But only if Jason gives me a reason to." You shake your head deciding that would be okay. Jason has to give you a reason though.

Dick nods his head and he knew it would be a long shot. "Okay."

Dick hopes you'll actually tell him anything. He needs answers and he'll keep digging himself, but you would be a big help in all of this. But, he knows the two of you have loyalty that runs deeper than the Titans.

"But," You suck in a breath. "This stays between us. I don't want the other Titans to know. They'll freak out. Well, Hank and Dawn anyway." You roll your eyes. "You know Gar, he'll believe Jason is in there somewhere. Conner doesn't know him well enough but he'll probably side with Gar or follow you anyway. Kory was the only one who didn't accuse Jason of anything. So, but if you tell one of them then you have to tell everyone so...stays between us."

You do not want Jason to figure out you're even having a conversation about working with Dick. That can't happen because you already said you won't work with the Titans. There is a reason Jason wants you out of it. If the Titans know you already knew and Dick and you had a conversation, that'll send up a red flag if it gets back to Jason somehow. And the Titans trust Dick. It has to stay between you and Dick.

"Deal." Dick sticks his hand out and you shake it. "I know this is hard but you're doing the right thing."

"If you say so." You roll your eyes. "That also means you have to get Gar off my back though. I can't go trying to meet up with Jason and Gar is right there. He won't tell me shit if Gar's around."

"Can you stop killing people?" Dick questions as he raises his brows.

You narrow your eyes. "Just while you're in town and while we sort this shit out. Got my hands a little full with Jason's shit. I still have a whole hitlist to get through, though." You raise your mug at him.

"That's not funny." Dick wanrs.

"It's not a joke." You chuckle. "I know you don't agree with me but I promise I'm not killing people who don't deserve it. I can give you their endless rap sheets. Guy I killed tonight while you guys were busy was lacing drugs and selling directly to kids and I mean like middle schoolers. He's been put away ten fucking times. They just keep letting him out. He's gotten over a hundred kids killed. Those are the fucks I'm killing. You don't have to agree with me but you should try to understand my point of view of it." You point a finger at him.

"I do." Dick nods his head. "Less kids people like him can kill but where do you draw the line?"

"Do you want to know? I have a line. They have to meet certain criteria otherwise I just scare the ever-living shit out of them and rough them up real bad."

"You have criteria?" Dick asks, his voice a mix of being appalled and confused.

"Yeah, I agree with you. We can't go out playing judge, jury, and executioner all the damn time. That's not justice. But, the system fails to protect people like me and you and Jason and Molly. It always has. It didn't protect my dad, who albeit is still a piece of shit probably, but he was hooked when he was in school. It didn't help Jason's mom. It looks at us and laughs in our faces and tells us to deal with it because we can't do anything about it. I'm doing that and hey, Jason's off his damn rocker, but he's targeting some bad people."

"Are you going to be able to live with yourself with their blood on your hands? I think that's why Jason stopped you from killing Jerry. He didn't want you to have that on your conscious."

"You know," You furrow your brows as you shake your head. "I killed some of CADMUS. And uh, I mean, I feel bad about it a little. I killed people, that's a heavy thing to carry. But, they tried to kill me, Gar, Conner, and Krypto. They tortured them. I feel bad because I'm not a monster but I also know it's what had to be done. I kill these guys and it's like...I feel bad. Someone out there gives a fuck about them. Someone out there is going through what I went through when Jason died. I feel bad for them. And I feel bad for taking a life but then I look at how many people they've either permanently hurt or killed, and I'm keeping track. I'm keeping track of every person I save by killing them. And I feel less bad about it. I feel bad because they were a person with a life and a beating heart. But, I can live with it because of the list of people I'm saving in the process. That sounds a little, uh, egotistical but it's true. That's why there's a criteria. Killing one person by accident doesn't mean they get to die. That's not justice. It's gotta be bad. Batman walks the streets and it doesn't stop these fucks. I feel bad about it, but....it's better than them killing and torturing people with no reason to stop."

"So, you think Bruce was right for throwing all of his morals away to kill the Joker?"

You let out a snort. "No, but that's not because of his morals and shit. I think anyone is capable of throwing their morals away for certain shit without it actually changing their moral compass, like Bruce killing the Joker." You explain as you sip your coffee. "But, I think it's fucked Jason had to die. None of the other people mattered enough to do something permanent about him. It took Jason's brutal murder for him to finally do something and I gotta problem with that. If anyone should have killed him, it should have been me. He killed my mom and he took Jason. Bruce only did it for Jason. I think, if you're gonna kill people for the greater good, it shouldn't be because of one single person. It should be for the greater good. There should be a list of reasons why you're killing someone. A list of reasons why they have to die. I gave Bruce all of those reasons and those weren't enough. Jason was. And that's not fucking fair to every other person that had to suffer by the hands of the Joker. So, no, fuck Bruce for killing him now. What's he gonna do? Come back and welcome Jason with open arms as if he isn't the reason Jason was murdered in the first place? Fucking stupid."

"Have you been thinking about all this this whole time?" Dick can't help but chuckle.

"Yeah," You shake your head. "And Jason but....that's been a topic I don't so much like to think about lately. So, I made a hit list." You smile softly. "Got a list of bad people to get through that Bruce won't do shit about."

"So, what you gonna go off after the Penguion next? Does he fall under your criteria since the Joker's gone?" Dick quips back, mostly digging to make sure you aren't planning on doing something like Jason.

"Nah, I think he's a fun little guy." You let out a laugh. "Something about him makes me laugh. He's bad, too sure, but he's not...that bad in the grand scheme of shit. Ya know? Penguin, sometimes helps here and there. He's not evil."

"You've had the pleasure of meeting him, then, I'm guessing?" There's a smile tugging at Dick's lips.

"Oh yeah. We went after him for something with Bruce once and I just thought he was funny. He was so serious and somehow not. If the camp genre were a person, it would be Penguin. So, I start actually laughing which then made him really mad and naturally made the whole thing that much funnier to me. So, Jason starts bursting out laughing at the top of his lungs. We're both doubled over and Penguin's face starts turning all red and he was stomping his foot. He starts yelling at Bruce to get us to stop and take him seriously and we don't know who we're messing with." You shake your head mockingly as you laugh. "His goons were trying desperately not to laugh with us!" You say through a hearty laugh. "I thought Bruce was gonna blow. But, I think he wanted to laugh, too."

"Yeah, he's always been a fun one to deal with." Dick chuckles softly. "I used to give him hell. Make fun of him. When I was Robin."

"Good, it's a lot of fun." You laugh. "I mean, he's like you. He goes by fucking Penguin and you go by Dick. You guys are setting yourself up for the jokes."

"I can't believe you just compared me to Penguin." Dick deadpans before a small smile cracks the corner of his lips.

"Facts don't lie, Dickolas."

You take another drink of your coffee and Dick is trying to be a better leader. You're going through it. Somehow, you're the one stuck in the middle of everything and you're the one most likely to be hurt in this mess. The person you care about most died and is now lying to you and fighting your friends. This can't be easy.

"Really, how did it go with Jason?" Dick asks, earning an eyebrow raise from you. "I'm asking for you, not for information."

"You being caring is kind of freaking me out." You chortle before you shake your head as a side smile starts to come to your lips. "Good, I think." You nod. "Ya know, Jason remembers everything. About us..." Your brows furrow tightly as your face falls. "And he said he remembers dying. So, there's that. Uh, but he seemed...mostly normal, actually besides the hair." You gesture to the front of your head as you crack a small smile.

"Yeah, I saw that. What's up with that anyway?" Dick chuckles. "At least he seemed okay. He told you he remembers dying?"

"Side effect of the Lazarus Pit, I guess." You shrug a shoulder. "He didn't want to talk about it, remembering dying I mean. But he said he remembers." You clear your throat. "So, that's a little worrisome. Ya know, given how Jason deals with trauma which is that he literally does not." You roll your eyes. "But, at least he's alive ya know? Being a shithead again but alive."

"Yeah, that's true. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, just need some time to process it." You clear your throat. "When you tell the Titans and half of them inevitably flip out because I knew, let them. I'll be fine." You hop down from your seat. "Like I said, they trust you. Keep it that way. They won't trust me regardless. We all know my loyalty is with him. They can't know you knew I knew. I'll be fine. I've told them off before." You start your walk to the doorway. "Night, Dick." You offer a soft smile and a nod before you spin on your heels and leave Dick alone.

Gar wakes you up the following day, saying Dick has called a meeting with everyone. You know exactly what the meeting is about and everything starts to ache from the pit of your stomach. It sucks that they're all going to know you knew and didn't tell anyone. And it sucks because that also means they'll know it's Jason under the Red Hood and maybe they won't be so forgiving. They never have been with him.

But you walk with Gar to the main living room anyway. You take a seat beside Gar with Krypto sitting at your feet and the other Titans are scattered around. Dick stands in front of all of you with his arms crossed.

Once everyone is gathered, Dick starts telling you all how he broke Red Hood's helmet last night and it was Jason. He follows it by saying he dug up Jason's grave to verify it was him. You find it weird no one even bats an eye at the grave digging but of course they don't. You keep your stare on Krypto as you pet him, knowing one of them is going to accuse you of knowing as soon as Dick finishes his explanation. You can feel Gar's stare on you and without even looking at him, you know he figured it out. And it nearly kills you because you feel like you betrayed him and that's not fair. Jason put you in the middle of it.

"You knew, didn't you?" Hank glares directly at you.

You look up to him and suck in a breath. "Well..." You shrug, scrunching your nose.

"What the hell?!" Gar yells. "And you didn't tell me!?" Gar stares at you in disbelief and you can handle Hank. He's an ass anyway but Gar? You'll never forgive yourself for keeping it from him even if it was just two days.

"Well, kind of yeah." You chew the inside of your cheek, looking away from Gar.

"And you didn't think to tell any of us?" Kory demands.

You chew your lip. You know you or Dick will tell Kory the entire story eventually and she'll understand but it hurts anyway. "He asked me not to and you all know how deep my loyalty runs with him." You glance to Dick and he doesn't like that this is what they're doing. They're not going to trust you.

"Did you know he was going after the Joker that night? Was this the plan the whole time?" Dawn questions.

It's better that they don't trust you. It's easier for you to pick a side. You need to work Jason's angle but you cannot do that if they know. Jason is smart and he'll figure it out. So, you have to swallow your guilt and stick with being solely and entirely on Jason's side just as you always have been.

"You think I knew?" You scoff. "Like that whole thing? You think I knew and just...let him do it?" You look to Dick again, as if waiting for him to add something in. He's the leader.

"You knew he was alive." Dick adds in.

"Knowing he's alive and knowing what he was up to are two very different things." You state.

"Why should we believe you?" Hank demands. "You've been lying to us the whole time!" Hank fumes as if that's going to get him anywhere.

"Because? I wouldn't let him get himself killed. In case you forgot." You retort as you scrunch your face. It is actually ridiculous Hank thinks you knew Jason was going after the Joker and let him do it. The anger starts to wash over any guilt you had just minutes ago.

"Hey! We apologized for that shit!" Hank yells. "How do we know you didn't know he was going to get killed on purpose and get brought back. Pretty convenient, isn't it?" Hank spits.

You can feel your blood start to boil. You knew this is what was going to happen but it's annoying anyway. It's the fact they think you would let him get killed. It's the fact they think he would go out and get killed on purpose. They didn't even really know him. They don't really know you. They think your grief was all fake. You get they don't believe you, you can see why. But it's also absurd. They should be mad you didn't tell them, but they should believe you would do everything in your power to stop him from going after The Joker. They should believe Jason wouldn't get killed on purpose. This is all so absurd and you aren't going to let them drag you and Jason through the mud when they don't know anything.

You nod and let out a dry and narrowed chuckle. "You know how you can believe me? Call Bruce, hunt him down, hunt down the phone records or whatever, listen to the phone call." You look to Dick. "You can ask Babs if she thinks my reaction was fucking fake. You can ask Molly who found me on the bathroom floor. I don't care but I didn't fucking know and fuck you for thinking I did." You look back to Hank with glassy eyes. "Do you know what it's like to try CPR knowing it's useless? I was covered in his blood. I didn't fucking know and he didn't get killed on fucking purpose."

"You really didn't know." Gar says quietly.

"Nope." You shake your head. "I found out two days ago."

"What about the drug? Did he say anything?" Dick asks, hoping that can calm the room down. He doesn't think you knew any of it.

"Nope. I wouldn't let him make a drug. Ask Bruce, I told him I was gonna call you and have you bring us back. Bring him back kicking and screaming if we had to."

"Are you supposed to believe this shit?" Hank yells out, gesturing a hand towards you. "Dick, come on, she's been lying to us this damn whole time. He was prepared for us to show up last night. She tipped him off!"

"Hey, fuck you!" You scream back. "Maybe he was just fucking prepared. It was a damn code! I didn't tip him off!"

"I don't fucking believe this shit!" Hanks storms.

"That's a you problem then." You quip. "Can I go now? This is you guys problem."

"No, we're not done here." Hank boasts.

"Okay, so finish up." You snark back.

"Look, Jason did this to himself and we need to find out what else he's planning." Hank crosses his arms. "He needs to be stopped."

You let out this laugh that sounds both heartbroken and pissed. "Okay."

"I always knew something was off about that kid." Hank scoffs.

"Fuck." You yell. "Seriously?" Your eyes start to water. "What the fuck is...." You pause, looking to Gar. "You know what, you're not fucking worth it. You're just gonna sit here and victim blame anyway. Have ya noticed the rest of the room is simply...confused and not losing their shit? That's just you, pal."

"He isn't a fucking victim!" Hank scoffs with a laugh. "He got himself into this mess. He could have walked away!"

"How can you say he isn't a victim? I know he told you! His mom being an addict and neglectful, yeah, victim. His dad was abusive, victim. The system? In and out of shitty foster homes, victim. Bruce took Robin away without ever having a conversation about it, victim. You...treat him like shit, victim. All of you made him want to kill himself, victim. The Joker murdered him with a crowbar, victim." You scoff. "You're not a fucking hero and I think you're the one that needs to hang up the cape and mask if you can't grasp the simple concept of a victim."

"We all have bad experiences but we're not looking to get ourselves killed and start killing." Dawn states softly.

"I'm not out there killing people." Hank grits his teeth at you "He needs to be stopped and whoever the hell he's working with, whether you like it or not, kid." Hank scoffs as he moves towards the hallway.

You aren't done yet though. You do not like Hank and if he's really going to point the blame at Jason for everything that led him here, you're going to get under his skin.

"Before you go, if I did know more, I wouldn't tell you guys anyway. I'm killing people, too and you guys don't have an issue with that. Just Jason. So, uh, you guys are on your own with this one. I'm with him." You grin back at Hank and you want to push him further. Really drive home the point you're not with them. You also just don't like him. His apology seemed more hollowed and like he was doing it because Dawn said it was the right thing to do.

"We're not playing fucking games here!" Hank yells and Dick wants to know what you're doing. You could have let him walk off and let it rest. But it is you. You don't usually do that when it comes to Jason.

"Oh, I'm not playing games either. But I know him better than anyone so while you guys are thinking poorly of him, I'll be on his side actually listening to him like I always have which then I'll get more information and I'm not sharing." You shake your head with a grin.

"Hey, kid, we're not messing around." Hank threatens. "You're gonna tell us what you know, or we're switching teams. You won't like that."

You let out a booming laugh. "Yeah, Hank? And uh, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?" You question him with a sinister grin as you get to your feet. "Gonna fight me? Torture me? Threaten to kill me? Go for it. Here's a statistic for you: Torture doesn't work. It's been proven. People are more likely to give you false information just to get it to stop. And considering the fact I was tortured for a year and nearly murdered twice, that shit does not scare me. You'll have to kill me before you get to him. And if it comes down to that, I'll have given him the heads up."

"Unbelievable." Dick sighs.

"Told you, I'd hide a body for him."

"I don't want to kill him." Dick states.

"I will." Hank scoffs. "If it ends up him versus me, kid's going down."

"So, we're killing Jason now?" Dawn questions, almost appalled. She's confused by the whole thing but you're right. The Jason you all know isn't a murderer. There is something else going on and they don't kill their own.

"Jason's always had his issues but he wasn't a full-blown psychopath." Kory adds in.

"I still think he was using. The Batcomputer didn't find anything but I found the place he was cooking." Dick states.

"He wrote his own ticket. He starts taking people out, game's over." Hank scowls.

"And you'll have to go through me, Hank." You step past Krypto, taking a few steps towards Hank. "You're not gonna kill him. I might not be able to take on Dick, but you?" You laugh. "In my sleep." Hank steps forward, Dick stopping him. "Ohhh, scary." You mock him. "I'm not fucking afraid of you." You mock him and then it hits you.

The conversation with Jason, a cure for fear. You said it would affect his adrenaline. He wouldn't care for things. It would have side effects besides just getting rid of his fear. He made a drug. He's working with someone. The way he was acting weird yesterday. He attacked Dick. Jason went after the Joker and missed the Joker right behind him. Drug that cures fear would also block out basic instincts like someone lurking behind him. Drug that cures fear.

You're gonna kill him.

You shake your head. "Here's the deal, figure it out yourselves because I'm not fighting him and I'm not betraying him. Ever. I don't fucking care. Now, I've got some shit to do so if you'll excuse me." You walk up to Dick. "You have that formula?"

Dick eyes you with confusion, pulling the paper from his pocket. "Why?"

"Told you, I'm gonna figure it out and I'm not sharing." You snatch the paper from him and leave the Titans to themselves.

"Thanks for the backup, man." Hank turns to Dick.

"Let it go, Hank." Dick lets out a sigh. "I believe her. You should, too." Dick leaves the room.

You head to your room and sit down on the bed with the formula. You pull out the tablet and start working on it. You do research into some of the files Bruce has, trying to figure it out. You make a lot of progress on it but there's a part of it that doesn't make sense. It's not a chemical or a compound. It doesn't actually mean anything. And you're thinking Jason prepared for this.

You think Jason prepared for someone to find it. Dick did it his first day which means he didn't really hide it. Jason is smart. And clearly likes codes. Maybe he should have teamed up with the damn Riddler. That might be better than what you're thinking because you have suspicions this missing piece of the formula is a code for something he didn't want anyone to figure out. And you were never very good with codes but you know someone who might be.

You make your way inside of the restaurant where you see Mr. Drake behind the counter. You offer him a kind smile, stuffing your hands deep into your jacket pockets.

"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. The usual?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah, but um...I was actually wondering if, uh, if Tim were around? I promise I'm ordering the usual." You let out a soft laugh as you roll your shoulders.

"Yeah, of course." Mr. Drake looks over his shoulder. "Tim! Come out here, please."

Tim walks out a few seconds later, stumbling slightly over a box. Tim sees you and he's surprised to see you. Tim is very observant and he knows something that no one else has been able to figure out. He thought you might be down and out for a while because of it.

"Hey." Tim greets with confusion.

"Hey, do you like puzzles? Like codes." You rush out, trying to make it sound casual. "Genius."

"Uh..." Tom chuckles softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"Can you help me with one?"

Tim walks from behind the counter, resting a hand on your arm and moving you both off to the side. "Are you okay?" Tim questions and he's known you a little through the years, not really well. But, he thinks he knows you well enough to know something weird is going on. Your boyfriend just died. "I saw Jason...on the news." Tim states.

Your eyes widen, somehow forgetting that naturally all of Gotham who watches any bit of the news or keeps up with things on social media would know Bruce Wayne's newest son was killed in a 'tragic accident'. Of course, Tim knows that.

"Right, yeah, no, uh, it's been really fucking hard. I, I just can't focus on it. I'll start crying. Thank you though." You brush it off and you wish you didn't have to lie so damn much.

"Why do you need help?" Tim's brows furrow, not buying it.

"It's a game kind of." You roll your shoulders. "I mean, you're really smart so..."

"Don't you live with Bruce Wayne? Isn't Dick Grayson back, too? They're really smart. Why are you coming to me?" Tim crosses his arms and he's definitely digging for information.

"If you can't help, that's fine. But I thought it was worth a shot." You shrug and you used the Batcomputer to look into him.

You've talked every time you've come to get food. You don't have many friends. And Molly is smart but not like this and you can't risk Molly going to Dick about it. Tim doesn't know any of them well enough to go back to Dick. And Jason probably won't figure out you went to Tim given you tend to keep Jason's secrets locked away with all of yours.

"Come on." Tim gestures for you to follow him and you offer him a wide smile.

You follow Tim into the side door through part of the building that leads into a hallway. Tim opens a door further down the empty hallway and walks right in with a sense of pride. You see an entire set up of computers and crime boards. On the walls, he has pictures of the Titans and Robin and Batman. He's definitely doing research into all of them and you think it's funny. You both always talked about who Batman and Robin could be but you did expect him to literally be putting together actual research, not like this. Him looking into Batman and Robin is kind of whatever at this point, but the Titans has your interests piqued.

"You looking into the Titans?" You gesture a finger lazily to one of the walls with pictures and news articles.

Tim holds his head up high. "I know you're a Titan." Tim holds the most confident grin you have ever seen.

You do a double take. "What?"

"You're a Titan. Acid generation, I'm guessing combat clairvoyance, too." Tim explains with ease.

Your brows furrow and you have no idea how the hell he even knows that. He hasn't been able to figure out Batman and Robin for years, but he figured you out in only a few months? A part of you is actually offended. You swore you did a better job of hiding your identity than Dick and Jason did.

"I'm not a Titan? They're from San Francisco and I'm definitely born and raised right here which you know." You raise.

"But you were uprooted, two years ago to San Francisco." Tim walks over to a desk and pulls out a file, handing it over.

You take it cautiously and you hope he knows this whole thing is weird. But, you open the files anyway and it contains information on Jerry and where you moved to. Which only makes you question how he got this because those records are supposed to be sealed.

"How the fuck did you get this?" You close the file, waving it slightly.

Tim shrugs. "I'm good with computers."

"You hacked into CPS and the GCPD to get this?" Your eyes narrow and he's definitely completely insane for this. What if he were wrong? You do admire the dedication though.

"And SFPD." Tim adds in. "Jerry was beat up pretty bad but it was just...brushed off. I think it was you. They found someone there, but it wasn't you."

"Okay, there's so much wrong with all of this, like you know that, right?" You ask. "And why the hell were you looking into me? I'm not a Titan and this is weird."

"I know it's you. The acid really gives you away. And I recognized how you walked." Tim explains. "And I've been looking into all of the Titans so..."

"You...what? You know how I walk? Do you know how insane that sounds or?" You're trying desperately to think of a lie for him to believe but at this point, you're not sure there's anything you can really say. He has it all figured out with you.

"I have a photographic memory." Tim states. "And the acid isn't some run-of-the-mill acid. It's a specific chemical compound. It's like a fingerprint."

"Okay, I'll humor this for a minute. If you live in Gotham and the girl you're thinking is me is from San Francisco, how exactly do you know the chemical compound of Bluejay and the Titan are the same?"

"The internet." Tim scoffs. "There are forums dedicated to you guys."

"Haven't you ever heard not to believe everything you read online?"

Tim chuckles softly. "Okay, I also know who Nightwing is, Batman...Robin." Tim looks to the ground with the last word and your face falls.

"Yeah, you sound insane," You let out a huff but if Tim does know this might be a problem for Dick later so you'll humor this a little longer. "I am interested in all of this though, so how do you know all of this?"

"Dick Grayson is Nightwing, former Robin. Robin1.0. Dick Grayson was in the Flying Graysons and he can perform a certain trapeze trick that only two people in the world could perform. Dick and his father. You know who else can do that trick? Nightwing and Robin 1.0." Tim explains with excitement as if he's been dying to share this with someone. "Bruce took in Dick and if Dick is Robin, Bruce has to be Batman." Tim continues. "I knew another Robin came in because the fighting style was different, the way he walked, the height difference."

"That's what I pointed out, too, to be fair." You point out.

"Exactly, well, Bruce Wayne took in Jason Todd." Tim looks away. "And...well..." Tim sucks in a breath.

"Robin 2.0 and Jason died around the same time, right?" You fill in what Tim doesn't want to say.

Tim nods shyly. "Yeah, and I recognized how he walked, too when you introduced us that day." Tim clears his throat. "So, if Dick is Nightwing, he's a Titan. Jason would have also been a Titan. That's how you met them. Now you live with Bruce during the same time Bluejay shows up."

You think about it for a second and actually, how has no one else figured that out? It is actually so obvious. But, you can't tell Tim that. He might be your friend but there's a lot going on and Dick and Bruce's secrets aren't yours to tell, even when you're mad at Bruce. It's not your place. And, honestly, you're a little worried what would happen if Jason ever found out Tim knew, especially right now. Would it paint a target on his back? To know Red Hood is Jason Todd? You won't risk it.

"Solid theory, I'll give you that but I also know Bruce and Dick. And uh, Bruce isn't a hero and Dick is a good detective, that's all. I'm just trying to survive. So, your math is a little off. But, I do need your help so we can keep going back and forth or you can help me." You change the subject before Tim gets any further into this. Dick is going to lose it.

"Alright, what is it?" Tim lets out a sigh but he knows he'll come back to it.

"Okay, I have this bit." You hand him a piece of paper where you traced the letters. "I don't know what it means but I know it's a code for something. And I think some of these chemicals are codes for real chemicals or something. They're not real so..."

"What's it for?" Tim quirks a brow as he gives you a grin.

"That's for me to figure out after you tell me what it means." You smile cheekily at him.

"You want my help but you're not gonna tell me?"

"No." You laugh. "It's just a project, it's not relevant."

"Okay." Tim sighs, walking over to one of the tables and you follow him.

Tim is definitely being so forthcoming because he knows he's right. He's helping a Titan right now. He's so sure of it and that's why you won't tell him anything. He had his suspicion of you and Jason. When you both came in, you both usually had some sort of bruise on you. And Tim had already figured out Jason was Robin. You were an easy puzzle piece to place after that. And he's definitely going to help a Titan.

"Got some of the chemicals for you." Tim states after a few minutes, showing you some of his work. You spent an hour on that and couldn't figure it out. How does he do that?

You look over the paper and you recognize a few of the chemicals but nothing rings a bell. "Huh." You mutter. "Anything else?"

"What are the chemicals used for?" Tim questions.

"I don't know." You shrug, only half lying. "I'm not a chemist." You quip. "What about the actual title? I mean that has to be a clue."

Tim works for what only seems to be a minute before he slides the paper over with pride. "Fear." Tim states, Tim leans back in his chair with a confident smile but he watches as your face falls.

"What?" You question as you look at the paper hastily.

"Says fear." Tim states. "That's the code."

You look back at him. "You sure?"

"Positive. Why? Is that important?" Tim raises a brow as he watches you carefully.

You were really hoping you'd be wrong but a drug leading to fear, Jason is working with someone that's dangerous. He won't tell you anything. Of all people and of all things Jason would be doing, he's doing this shit?

"Oh, that fucking dumbass." You grit your teeth. "Thank you, this is very helpful. I'm gonna go grab my food and be on my way." You let out a sigh, hopping down from the table as you grab the papers from Tim.

"Wait!" Tim calls after you as you're already headed for the door.

"I can pay you if you want, for your time. Really, I really really appreciate this." You let out a sigh.

"No, not that." Tim shakes his head. "What is it?"

You look at his board with all of the Titans and he's got it all figured out. He'll be fine. "You're really smart. Thank you. Don't do anything fucking stupid, though and be careful. Looking into that shit, might get a little messy." You pause and he's got it figured out. There's no stopping him but you aren't going to risk Scarecrow of all people, figuring out you involved him. "Hey, seriously, do not tell anyone we had this conversation. I was here for food, the usual, end of story. No one."

Tim nods his head. "Are people--"

"Nope, it's, uh, it's a-a murder mystery game we play." You lie. "Everyone is just trying to get my mind off it, ya know?" You suck in a breath. "And don't go telling people you think Bruce and Dick are the heroes. They'll also think you're insane and you'll get yourself committed."

"Isn't that cheating?" Tim raises.

"No, using my resources but they may not see it that way which is why you can't tell anyone." You grin before you turn on your heels and head out.

You head to the place you found Jason sneaking off to before he died. You caught him doing something and you hate to think this is what he was doing behind your back. Making a drug. It's insane to you. Jason was desperate but you had no idea he was that desperate. Of all the things for Jason to do, make a drug and possibly work with Jonathan Crane. He's the maker of the fear gas and he's dangerous. If anyone can make an anti-fear drug, it would be Crane. And you just can't believe Jason would be desperate enough to go to him but you have to know for sure.

Inside the room, you see he does in fact have his own lab. Dick wasn't lying. He really was here, behind your back, making this drug. You're so mad at him. How does he resort to this? How? Because of Robin? He never should have thought Robin was all he'd ever be good at. Jason believed Robin gave him magic. It starts and ends with Robin and Bruce. That's what this always boils down to and you're so angry at Jason and Bruce for it.

Your heart breaks the further you walks into the room, checking out the table where he still has everything laid out. And you still can't believe it. But, you need to know. If you're wrong, you can deal with that on your own. Jason is your responsibility. But, if you're right...you don't think you can keep that to yourself. You don't think you can handle that, not alone. It's going to be more than just getting Jason clean to get him back home. You aren't sure you can do it on your own. You know it's bad science but there's only one way to know for sure without bringing anyone else into this. Jason won't tell you anyway so you lay the formula on the table and get to work.

Jason did the hard part. And he didn't cover his tracks which you can't figure out why he wouldn't. If it was so dyer no one knows what's going on, why would he leave everything out? Why would he even leave the formula out with a clue? Unless that was the point. Jason likes to play games. It's what he does. Maybe that was the point. He coded the formula, leaving it out on purpose just to fuck with Dick and Bruce. You're surprised Dick didn't figure it out but again, maybe that's because even Dick wouldn't think Jason is crazy and desperate enough to go to fucking Scarecrow.

You finish the drug within an hour, the orange liquid loaded into an inhaler Jason left behind. You hold it up and debate it. Taking an unknown drug is a terrible idea. Taking any drug is a bad idea. And this could be a setup. Jason could have left it on purpose, knowing someone would figure it out and maybe take it to see. But you find that to be a long shot because what insane person finds a formula to make a drug and then takes it? Dick wouldn't do that and if this is about Dick, given Jason just tried to kill him, Jason would know Dick wouldn't just take a dug.

You know Jason better than anyone and Jason knows you. You put yourself in Jason's shoes, deciding maybe he'd know you'd figure it out eventually and do something completely idiotic like follow his footsteps which means this wouldn't be a setup. You settle on that logic and put the inhaler to your mouth before pressing the canister down and inhaling at the same time.

Your pupils dilate, your iris turning a bright shade of yellow-orange. And it all melts away.

The guilt you feel with not pestering Jason, him dying, not following him. Everything starts to fade away. The sadness of it all is there but it's more like a distant echo in a deep underground cave. There, but just barely. The guilt feels more like walking through fog instead of barbed wire ripping your throat to shreds. And, for the first time since you left Gotham, you aren't paranoid. You don't feel paranoid or scared. It's all completely gone. Every ounce of it. There's still this small sense of worry but the sadness, it's more of an echo.

The sadness, guilt, paranoia, and worry are caged deep inside the darkest parts of your mind. Screaming and howling to be let free again but the drug stands guard, laughing over their desperate cries. A sinister cackle echoing over everything else, clouding them so they can't break through. And for the first time, you get how Jason got here.

This is nice. You don't feel like you're weighted down anymore. In a way, it actually feels freeing. To not be scared and paranoid and consumed with worry and guilt. It's actually really fucking nice to not feel so damn heavy. But, that feeling of being free doesn't last long before it starts to fade into red-hot anger.

You think about how Jason lied to you, went behind your back. You were supposed to be a team and he left you. He left you to go after the Joker, he died, he made this dug, he became Red Hood without ever having a conversation with you. Jason just tried to kill Dick. He doesn't loop you in anymore. He made this drug that is so damn freeing and he never bothered to offer it to you. He never offered you a cure. He gets to be cured of all of his fear and paranoia while you're left here to suffer. And that pisses you off.

You're just furious with him so you get up and make your way to the Gotham City Gym thinking maybe that's his hideout. That's where you met up two days ago, it has to mean something and you do not care at all what's going to happen. You don't have the fear of consequences anymore. You aren't scared what's going to happen because you showed up there looking for him. It'll be fine, you assure yourself. It'll be the two of you, and Crane will never have to know and if he does, that's fine. You will go after him yourself because even though you're mad at Jason as you make your way on the bike, you still care about him. The love you have for him is still there, wrapping your bones like barbed wire, desperately clinging onto the old parts of you that aren't affected by the drug.

You don't want anything to happen to him. But you're mad. And the drug is letting anger win. So, you get to the old gym and walk right inside.

You find Jason in a room leaning over a chair and all you see is red, missing what he's working on. All you care about is getting answers and letting him know you're pissed and he's not just getting off the hook this time because you love him. This is fucked.

"What the fuck!?" You scream as you shove Jason away from the chair.

Jason turns to face you quickly. "What—" Jason eyes you with confusion, dropping the scalpel on the floor. "What the fuck are you doing here!?"

"Crane!?" You yell as you throw your arm out to the side. "You're working with Jonathan fucking Crane?!"

Jason takes a step back and he's never seen you like this before. Your nostrils flare and your jaw squares. Your pupils are blown and you look ready to kill him.

Oh no.

You figured it out. You took the drug. You figured out the formula. You took it. Why the fuck would you do that?

"How the fuck do you know that?" Jason seethes and he still has the drug pumping in his veins, too. What would normally be fear is clouded with anger.

"I figured it out! I told you I would! And I'm fucking offended you thought I wouldn't! You went to fucking Crane for an anti-fear drug!? Are you insane?!"

"Fuck you!" Jason screams back. "Did you fucking take it!?"

That was not part of the plan. Jason didn't want you involved and that included you taking a drug. It makes him a hypocrite and he knows that but he doesn't care. This is his problem, not yours. This was his decision and he didn't want this for you. If he did, he would have just told you.

"Yeah! And I gotta fucking say, it is nice not dealing with fear and paranoia and shit so fuck you for not telling me and giving it to me!" Your fists ball at your sides, Jason getting a glimpse of your knuckles changing color under the pressure.

"That's a load of shit! You're just saying that cause you're fucking high!" Jason yells back, the drug isn't as fresh for him as it is for you. He's thinking a little clearer than you are.

"Look who's fucking—" You pause, finally looking at the chair and seeing a passed out Hank shirtless with an open cut on his chest and a device lodged halfway into the cut. You shake your head looking back to Jason. "What the hell did I just walk in on?" Your voice comes back down.

"How did you figure it out?" Jason spits back, ignoring your question. He really doesn't want you involved with this one.

"Your erratic behavior before you died. The formula had a code. And you like to play games." You quip back and you see the hint of smirk come to his lips. "Exactly."

"You hate codes. How'd you figure it out?" His voice is a toxic mix of amusement and threatening.

"I'm resourceful. Don't worry, I didn't fucking tell anyone." You spit back. "Hank?" You gesture again as you blink at him.

He doesn't believe you. You're good at a lot of things but cracking puzzles and codes is not one of those things. It's why Jason was careful so that way if you found out, you wouldn't get anywhere. He knows you went to someone for help. You swore you don't lie to him but now you are. The line is being drawn in the sand and Jason decides he might as well throw you the bone. He wants to see exactly where your loyalty actually lies because the drug thinks that's going to be fun. It pumps him with everything Crane has filled his head with, tricking him into thinking it's true. And that includes you not being on his side.

"Putting a bomb in his chest. Wanna help?" Jason shrugs as a grin pulls at his lips as he picks the scalpel off the floor and goes back to Hank.

You watch him for a few seconds and you actually think about it. The drug clouds your judgment and lets you feel anger above everything else. You're pissed at Jason but you're still mad at Hank for earlier. Hanks wants to kill Jason and maybe that's what Hank came here to do. Maybe Hank was going to kill him. Jason is just taking it a step further because it's Jason. Nothing is ever so easy. But, a few seconds go by and you're still mad at Jason. You don't want Jason dead but you do want to piss him off because he pissed you off. An easy way to piss Jason off would be save Hank's dumbass from him.

"Fuck you." You bark, gaining Jason's attention and he thought you might actually take up the offer. He's not sure what he would have done if you did. "No, I'm not gonna help fucking kill him! Have you lost your damn mind? Who the hell are you?!" You scream again and you're starting to question if you're mad enough to kill someone you consider an ally. Hank is not your friend but would you take up the offer, right now, if you weren't so mad at Jason?

"I'm who I've always been!" Jason yells back. "What? Don't fucking like it?" Jason taunts you and he really hopes this will get you to leave.

If you're not going to be on his side, he wants you gone. You being around drives him insane because it's like two sides of him are at a war within him and they can't settle on where to sit or what to believe. They fight hard and fast, one side knowing you can be trusted and Jason loves you. He has to protect you at all costs. No matter what. But, the other side of him is high out of his mind and believes Crane really cares about him and wouldn't lie to him. Crane wouldn't just be using him and manipulating him. Crane is telling the truth and that includes you. Both sides are so torn and it drives Jason completely insane. This thing would be easier if you would just go the fuck away.

"You're not a murderer!"

"You're fucking a hypocrite! You're killing people! Crane was right about you." Jason sneers, closing the distance between you and you don't move even an inch as Jason looks down at you. "I'm fucking better and you hate it." It's like a game of tug of war in Jason's head and the Crane side is winning.

You grit your teeth as more anger starts to flood into your system. He told Crane about you? "Fuck you. Crane knows me? Really?" You huff up at him. "I liked you before."

"When I was fucking weak." Jason sneers. "You always just wanted to fix me. Well, I'm better and I'm not fucking scared. And you can't stand it." Jason lets out this horrid cackle.

You let out a loud groan as you look to the ceiling and even in your clouded state, you know Crane has to be using him. "He's fucking using you and manipulating you. He doesn't give a shit about you. We all do though." You mimic the laugh.

"Fuck you!" Jason huffs. "You don't know shit!" Jason doesn't want to fight with you but he can't help it. He should walk away and he knows he should but it's as if his feet are glued to the floor below him.

"Yeah, been there done that, right?" You look up to him. "He's using you. You just can't fucking see it." You shake your head. "He's a terrible, horrible, shit fucking excuse of a human and I can't believe you think he gives a fuck about you." You aren't sure if you're saying it to hurt him or if it's because it's true. You know there's no way Crane actually cares about him, there's no way not when Jason just made an anti-fear drug. There's more to that but you don't know if you're telling him because he needs to hear it or if you're just trying to hurt him.

The drug loves confrontation.

"You can't stand that I'm better! You hate that I don't need you anymore." Jason shakes his head, his nose scrunching in frustration. "I know what I'm doing and he cares about me unlike you and Dick and Bruce!" Jason screams and he doesn't mean it and he says it anyway. Maybe Crane is right. What if he is right? "We were a fucking mistake! You used me and tried to make yourself feel better by being with me!"

You pause and...that hurt. That still hurt. But instead of heartbreak, it fuels your anger. With the drug, your heartbreak gets confused with anger and all you want to do is hurt him back.

"We were a mistake?" You ask through gritted teeth.

The anti-fear drug doesn't just wipe away fear, it turns perfectly good people into hollowed and cruel skeletons of who they used to be. They're puppets under Crane's control once he says one sentence. Jason being desperate and feeling abandoned led him to Crane but the drug keeps him believing Crane. The drug keeps him in line. And you're having a similar side effect because normally, you'd never even think about hurting Jason but that's all you want because he hurt you. The drug turns perfectly good and decent people, into evil and malicious and calloused versions that are unrecognizable to everyone else.

Jason shrugs his shoulders. "Weren't we?" Jason questions and he doesn't mean it. But the panic and pain and fear is replaced with anger so he fires. "I'm worse, right? Nothing got better with you. I fucking died on your watch." Jason scoffs.

"I didn't get you killed, fuck you." You scoff.

"That all you got? Did I hurt your little feelings?" A grin pulls at Jason's lips and the voice echoing in the back of his head lets out a loud cry and it cracks the sturdy glass the drug creates. He knows he'll regret this. He doesn't mean it. He swears he doesn't mean it.

"I don't even know you right now and I don't think I want to." You shake your head and even when you know you should hold back, you don't. The words come out in a hasty rage before you can even process them because they'll hurt him. "This why Rose lied to you? Maybe it was to protect herself from you, right? Get close and you lose your shit and hit below the belt."

"Fuck you! Yeah? What about Gar? You say I don't tell you shit, well now you know how he felt. How do you think Molly feels right now?" Jason snaps right back.

"Gar is my friend and he's waiting back at the manor for me." You shrug your shoulders as you look Jason up and down. "Where's Rose?" You quip back. You don't mean it. You don't mean any of it. You don't even know why you're thinking it. It's not true. This was a bad idea. The drug was a bad idea.

He knows. He knows deep down you don't mean it because he doesn't either. He'd never say any of this to you and he doesn't even think any of it. But Crane is in his head and he makes so many good points, and you're making him so fucking mad. And if it weren't for the drug, he knows, he'd be terrified of what's going to happen when Crane finds out you know. What Crane is going to ask him to do. He'd be scared for your life. And your well-being. He loves you but he can't see through the anger and the numbness. He can't see through it. But, there's still that pecking for you right in the back of his head, right in the stitched letters of your name on his heart. Not you.

"Leave or let me do this. Two fucking choices." Jason sucks in a breath before he turns around and heads back towards Hank.

"You're not killing him." You move towards Jason and yank him back by his hood, just enough to stop him.

Jason stumbles back, eyes locked and angered on you. "You gonna stop me?" Jason scowls, holding a scalpel in one hand.

You won't let him kill Hank. The drug says it'll be fun and then Hank will be out of your hair. You won't have to defend Jason against him anymore and he won't be annoying. He'll be dead. That'll be the end of it. Hank won't be a bother to anyone anymore but stopping Jason will piss him off and something about that seems a little bit more fun. But, there is a small pecking at the back of your head. Jason yanking you off of Jerry because you shouldn't have blood on your hands. The memory flashes like a flashbang against everything you should be thinking while high and you swear you won't let him. It's time to repay the favor, high or not.

Jason's formula was always a little off. The drug Jason is taking now is upgraded, it's better because Crane manufactured this with Jason's help getting the supplies. Your version is a little off.

"Only if you make me have to." You shake your head, blocking Hank from Jason.

Jason hesitates. If you were anyone else, you wouldn't have gotten this far into an argument and he's pretty sure you know that. And he also knows that with the drug, even his version of it, you won't back down.

"Hank has always treated me like shit. You don't fucking get it." Jason shakes his head.

"And killing him is gonna make it all better?" You quip back. "Cause that's shit. He's a fucking ass to me, too but I'm not trying to kill him."

"Because you were always a coward." Jason's voice lacks the venom this time as if he knows what he's saying isn't true and it's not right.

"Maybe." You shrug. "But at least I'm not someone killing an innocent person." You scoff. "So, what does that make you?" You ask and even in this state, you just want him to be the Jason before he died. It's all you want.

Jason shakes his head. "I'm not scared anymore." His voice is level this time and honest. The venom has evaporated and even in this state, your heart breaks. How did he fucking get here?

"Is it worth it? Losing your friends? Dick, Bruce, Gar?" You pause for a second. "Me?"

Jason shakes his head and you'll never get it. "You don't get it." He can't let you get in his head and that's what you're doing. Jason shuts his eyes for just a second before he shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. "Now move and go the fuck home."

You nod your head and Jason is the one drawing the line, not you. You have given him every chance and opportunity to give you a reason to side with him and he will not do it. He only gives you reasons to be against him and you hate it, even in this state.

"No." You shake your head and cross your arms. "You're gonna have to fucking fight me, Jay."

Jason moves forward, looking down at you and for a second, you think he'll let it go. But, instead, he shoves you to the side. Not hard, but enough to get you out of the way. Jason swears he's not going to be the one to fight you first. It is his one fucking line he has been able to not cross and he swears he can't do that. Not you.

You fire back, shoving him harder and further away from Hank.

"All you got, babe? Thought I taught you better than that." Jason taunts.

"Yeah, well, I learned from Dick, too and I'm not throwing the first punch." You stand toe-to-toe with Jason. "You'll have to do that, Red Hood."

"Out the fucking way." Jason shoves you again, this time a little harder than before.

"You get the fuck out of the way." You shove him harder, this time Jason falling to the ground.

He looks up at you with so much anger, it nearly breaks you. He's never looked at you like that before. And maybe if he weren't high, he'd find it impressive and endearing. But he is high and he doesn't give a fuck. He swings his leg, tripping you and you fall to the floor.

Jason is back on his feet before you, quickly moving to Hank and trying to get the bomb readjusted. You move closer to him, kicking Jason in the back of the knees and sending him to the floor which gives you enough time to get to your feet.

"Wake the fuck up, Hank!" You shake him quickly, trying to wake him up but Jason trips you again, this time taking one kick to the back of the knee and then the front.

You look at Jason as he's still on the ground. You're not going to get anywhere if all you two do is keep tripping each other. And the drug loves a good fight.

"Okay, fine. Do you really wanna do this? You really wanna fight me?" You question.

"You're the one that wants to fight." Jason huffs.

The part with the drug would love to fight you. He knows he will win but you'll put up a good fight and it'll be fun. But, the better part of him, the part that always wins when it comes to you, wants to kick his heart through his ribs and onto the cement floor. He can't fight you. He can't do it. Not you. Anyone but you.

"You're the one trying to kill someone." You quip.

"You're not gonna fucking stop me."

"I have to fucking try!" Your voice finally cracks as you yell.

"Good luck." Jason barks as he gets to his feet.

You don't really want to fight him either. Like Jason, you have that part of you that still doesn't want to cross that line, no matter what. But, Jason can't come back from killing one of your own. The Titans will never forgive that, regardless of his reason. It doesn't matter if this isn't really him. They won't forgive him because it's Jason. You don't want that for him. If your options are to fight him or let him kill Hank, you really only have one choice.

And the drug is thrilled about it.

You get to your feet, keeping a few feet between you. "If you go down for five seconds, this is it. Got it?" You offer him.

Jason lets out a cackle. "Fuck no."

"You're a better fighter, right? What the fuck are you so scared for?" You say it on purpose, knowing it'll get him to fight.

Jason eyes you for a few seconds, knowing he can't possibly say no now. The drug is winning over the logical side of him and he has to agree. But, he also knows he'll still pull his punches. Maybe you can go a few rounds and you'll get tired. Jason remembers how it feels when his version of the drug wears off and how long it usually lasts. He's not sure when you took it but he's hoping maybe a few rounds and it'll wear off a little, make you too tired to continue then neither of you have to fight your hardest. He doesn't want to and he's betting you don't either.

"Fine. Five seconds. You, too. You go down and I can finish what I started without you getting in the fucking way." Jason nods his head. "No weapons and no acid."

"Deal." You nod your head as you lift up your hoodie and unbuckle the belt with all of your knives, dropping it on the floor.

Jason pulls both guns from his holsters, walking over and putting them on a table. Then he starts pulling his own knives out of his pockets and boots, resting them with the guns before he walks back over. Jason stands three feet in front of you who's eyes haven't left him.

"Two outta three?" Jason questions and all he can hear is his heart in his ears.

"Fine." You agree, sucking in a breath. "You and me."

Jason's jaw locks. "You and me."

You and Jason stand a few feet away from each other. The two of you take a few seconds, almost contemplating if this is a good idea. This was a line Jason swore, no matter what, he'd never cross. It's you. He doesn't want to fight you but he has to do this. He doesn't have a choice. That's the thing about the anti-fear drug. He's easy to manipulate when it comes to Crane and he doesn't feel anything. Not just fear. So, he takes the first step forward and goes to trip you again but you dodge him, taking the first official swing to his face.

The two of you fight a little harder against each other than you normally do. You know you'll lose. You always did. It doesn't matter. He's better, he's faster. And the clairvoyance has a loophole. Apparently, a lot of it is rooted in fear factor, adrenaline and the anti-fear drug diminishes that. Fighting Jason without the clairvoyance is more difficult. You can't tell where the next hit is coming from and you have to be completely on defence. Maybe you should have trained a little more with Dick after all. But, you try and strike as hard and as fast as you can. You put up a good fight.

Jason is pulling his punches. You aren't in the suit. You have nothing to protect you and even though he should care more, he is not careless. He doesn't want to hurt you so he pulls his punches, despite knowing you'll never forgive him for it. And the more he pulls his punches, the better chance you stand on tiring yourself out by the time the drug starts to wear off. Jason is just buying time so he can finish Hank because he needs to. It's part of the plan. Crane said it has to happen and he has to listen. So, he keeps fighting until you go down twice, coughing and gasping.

Jason counts but it's slower than usual as you try to use your remaining energy against him to no avail. The drug might tell him this is fun and thrilling, it'll be worth it in the end. But, the real Jason hates every single second of this. It never should have been like this and if he weren't high, he would have walked away. If you weren't high, you probably would have, too. But, now you're both here bloody and bruised fighting over fucking Hank Hall.

"Five." Jason heaves from above you. His jaw is squared and he hates himself for it. "We had a deal." Jason takes in a full breath, watching your expression soften and fall, your pupils returning to normal.

You look up at him, blood pooling in your mouth and leaking from a gash on your head. Jason has blood splitting his lip and drips dropping from his nose. But, he's foggy and distant. You tried. You tried your absolute hardest and your eyes are heavy while your limps feel like the blood has been replaced with cement.

You sit up, your head spinning slightly but not the way it usually does with a concussion, this is different. You rest your hands on the floor, scooting back until your back hits the wall and you lean your head back, closing your eyes.

You're so tired. You're exhausted and all you want to do is sleep. But, the fear starts to creep back into your system. The numbness you felt is being washed away like a sandcastle on a beach while the tide comes in. And everything starts to hurt.

Everything you just said to Jason, everything he said it you. It all hurts and then fear comes in and now you're terrified you messed everything up. What happens if Crane finds out you know? Is Crane going to think Jason did it? Is he going to find a replacement? What if he wants you dead and asks Jason to do it? Where does that leave him? 

Jason glances over to you as he gets the bomb readjusted. The gash doesn't seem deep, there isn't too much blood and the blood from your mouth is from a small cut on your lip. It's nothing worse than what either of you got from sparring with each other and Gar and Rachel. But, Jason watches you for a few more seconds, just being sure. 

"You okay?" Jason finds it himself to ask as he places the bomb in position.

"Tired." Your voice cracks and you think about what the Titans are going to say when Hank dies.

This is your fault. You weren't fast enough and you weren't good enough. Hank is going to die because Jason was manipulated and used and put a bomb in his chest. And you were too weak to stop him. Even while high, you still pulled your punches because it's him. They're never going to forgive either of you.

"It's wearing off, isn't it?" Jason asks, his voice stern as he places the bomb in Hank's chest, following the blueprints.

"Yeah..." Your voice is so small, making Jason look back over at you. He's definitely burning that lab down.

You wonder if this is normal. If it is, how did you miss it? You wonder how much Jason actually used it for you to have not noticed. Maybe he only used it a few times and only when he was out. The drug definitely didn't last very long. You just wish you would have noticed something was wrong.

"You'll feel better in a bit." Jason states as he closes the skin around the bomb. 

You fall silent, keeping your eyes closed. This can't be what a normal comedown feels like. You're somehow both so exhausted you could sleep for a week and you're terrified. Every piece of fear you had before is amplified and you're stuck between wanting to sleep and wanting to run away from everything. If you thought you could get up, you'd run out of Gotham and away from this mess. But, your head is spinning and your arms and legs hurt while your chest feels like it's going to collapse on itself.

Jason calls your name, glancing over to you again.

He knows what happens with his version. There's a comedown and it's rough. Every fear and mistake and regret floods back in a tidal wave, taking over all of the relief the drug provided all while making it impossible to stay awake. It doesn't last long, twenty minutes but Jason swears it's always long enough to keep him going back to the drug to not feel that way again. The new version has a similar effect but instead of a crash, it's slower like a stranger in the night following him and waiting for the perfect moment. With every step, he grows more uneasy and home seems further away. But, you didn't take the new version, so he keeps glancing at you just to make sure you're okay.

Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea.

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series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5

#jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood x you #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #dc fanfic #dc fanfiction #petrichor

[creationsabyss]

My thoughts on the Aventurine drama

I've been inactive for a while, I was (still am) busy in real life but coming back online to post and seeing discourse about a newly crowned favorite character is disheartening. Even more so, that people are harassing other writers over a drama I feel is overblown.

I have thoughts regarding it but I'm unsure if my opinion would be appreciated. But if you'd like to peacefully talk it out with me, I'd be happy to lend an ear. I'd like to hear both sides, as meager as my opinion may be.

Oh boy, here we go.

Aventurine is a character, a fictional being born to entertain the players. He is not real. He can not be offended by what you create of him. There is no point getting upset on the behalf of a character and prioritizing fiction over a person who does actually exist.

If we do want to condemn slavery fics, why not also cancel slave reader fics? Or ones that include things such as dead dove (including yanderes in general) fics because those topics are equally terrible to condone and write about from that point of view. Or how about other characters that have similar topics in their lore. Should those also be canceled too?

*There are also folks who make problematic pieces to help cope with their own trauma. Does that mean they should be canceled too? (On that note: making a piece that holds problematic content does not always mean the person condones it in real life. Fiction is fiction for a reason.)

In the end, I think everyone can have their own opinions, but I would like to say that your opinions do not justify terrible actions. Just because you disagree with something does not justify you bullying someone into deleting one of their works, whether it is art or writing or anything else, I do not think that is justifiable. Harassing someone or calling people to harass them is not right either.

*If you did disagree with it, why not message the author about it instead of making accusatory posts? Even when done with good intentions, all it does is cause harm when it's practically inviting people to go harass someone over a fanfiction. A very mild fanfiction at that.

If you disagree with a piece, cool. That's your opinion. Just don't interact with it then. Block that creator or that tag or whatever it is that led you there. Or if you're curious, ask that creator.

Also, to reiterate, in my opinion, fiction is still just fiction. Especially when it's a fanfiction about a fictional character. Yes, his canon lore exists, but people can use that basis in fanfiction, something that will inherently warp canon because we are not the original writers and can not capture him in the exact way he was created. In case that doesn't make sense: Fanfiction does not have to comply with the original lore. Also since some of you seem to be forgetting: fiction does not mirror real life.

If you are truly that concerned over sensitive topics like that, directing that energy towards projects that involve such topics in real life would be much better than attacking people on the internet.

#Ink stained letters #I'll probably delete this #If I remember #Sometimes I forget I post stuff #aventurine x reader #The slavery fiction drama #That I have #Let's say thoughts on #Will maybe start posting stuff again #Harassing people is not it though #Isn't that a saying #Two wrongs don't make a right #What an unfortunate time to return to #Killed my will to post things #I'll still post something today or tomorrow to make up for being gone #And for this post #Also people getting mad for a character is really strange #In my opinion #The characters aren't real? #They can't get offended? #Why are we hurting real people over a character that isn't real #This is my take on the drama #Can everyone stop harassing other people over fiction #I don't find any sense in it #This is my opinion #hsr aventurine #Also from my experience #Call out posts are generally just harmful #Especially when you don't make it a secret of who you're talking about #Let people write what they want

[the-possum-writes]

[Daily Routine]

❥Character: Scorcher (Adventure Time)

❥Tags: SFW, domestic fluff, established relationship, gender neutral reader

 ❥Synopsis: Scorcher's day to day life now that he has a partner to worry and run errands with.

 ❥Wordcount: 1008

❥A/N: While I fill out most of the Marshall Lee requests, I also wanted to write something for one of the mostly forgotten bad guys.

❥Taglist: @foxpearlwilder

With a bounty hunter as skilled as him, it's no wonder he'd knock out everyone in the room faster than you can say Mississippi. Gunshots ring out from every direction like an endless rain of projectiles, but it's never been an issue for Scorcher when he transforms into a cloud of ash that indiscriminately fazes through bullets and chokes a couple of his attackers in the process. Those who caught a glimpse of his entire body only saw bright eyes within dark red before going black. The mission at hand is similar to many others in that it involves collecting the bounty of a wanted individual, in this case a criminal leader who is fully armed and guarded, but it's nothing this veteran bounty hunter can't handle. Throughout this entire ordeal, a phone begins to ring from Scorcher's pocket; typically, he would ignore calls at work, but this is his personal phone, and he is unable of ignoring it because it only means one thing. "Hi honey, I'm at the supermarket and there are potatoes on sale; would you like them baked or fried for dinner?" a polite but indecisive voice on the phone asks.

Scorcher weighs his options even when a bodyguard comes charging at him with a knife, to which he twists the guy's hand behind his back, forcing the blade out of his grasp, eventually shoving the person out of the way as he answers. "Both." His tone is short but firm, unlike the person on the phone. "Alright! I'll see you later. Byeee." The other person on the line hangs up, leaving Scorcher to continue working.

With only confident strides, the bounty hunter entered the boss's office after the last bodyguard was withdrawn from service. He barely opened the door with a side step as a bullet hole bursts into the wooden door beside him, Scorcher unfazed despite his cowering target literally backed right into the corner as he continued shooting rounds at the unstoppable bounty hunter, the empty shotgun clicked pathetically with Scorcher right behind the crime boss with his dagger to his throat

"Please, I'll give you anything!" The boss begs for his life by offering all of his riches and valuables, but nothing is more valuable to Scorcher than a job well done. Well, aside from his other biggest treasure.

He readies his blade for the final strike, but it misses its mark when the phone in his pocket vibrates. Without averting his beady eyes from the mafia leader, Scorcher answers the phone with one hand while holding onto the blade with the other. "Hi honey! sorry to bother you again but can you come pick me up at the grocery store? it started raining and I didn't bring an umbrella with me." the caller asks apologetically. Scorcher doesn't verbally respond but the positive grunt was all the confirmation needed. "Be there in five." he adds before hanging up once more.

The last thing you hear before hanging up on him was a pained shout immediately cut short, you weren't new to your boyfriend's line of work so you shrugged it off as you contemplate the rain right outside the grocery store, shuffling your weight side to side as you wait.

The doorknob shuffles a bit as you nonchalantly discuss your day, he isn't the most talk active person but he's a great listener. "...And then I asked the cashier when would they start selling tangerines and she told me that they should be available by next month since that's when the season starts but if you ask me it should start way sooner with all the rain we've been getting. Either way enough about me, how was your day?" you turn your attention to your boyfriend carrying the groceries with a single arm, not only is he strong but also taller than the average person to the point he has to crouch down before entering your shared safe house. "Good," he states by placing the groceries on the kitchen table. His profession has made him plenty of enemies so he had this house specifically built for you. Scorcher didn't have his height taken into account because it was made just for you, but after you persuaded him that you would feel more safer with him around, he was unable to refuse your request to move in.

"That's always nice to hear." you place your own bag alongside the kitchen counter, mainly the stuff you need to make dinner. You're minding your own business by washing the potatoes your bought earlier but the tall presence behind you grabs hold of the vegetables next to you by the counter, you smile to yourself, placing your hand on his. "How sweet of you but I can imagine you're exhausted from work, let me take care of dinner while you lay down a bit okay?" you bring up in a soft tone that makes it impossible for him to decline, Scorcher leans down to place a kiss on your forehead before leaving you alone with the cooking ingredients.

As the cooking utensils and pots begin to clang from the kitchen, Scorcher takes the chance to take out the crystal-like device from his pocket and project a hologram that looks a lot like a laptop monitor. He then throws himself into the couch and calls his company to let them know about today's work. He also unwinds by browsing social media in general, keeping up with what his colleagues are up to and offering his services to possible employers. You carefully move to the side to get behind Scorcher, but there's no way to sneak up on this skilled man. Before you could react, he whirled around and drew you into an embrace, which made you burst out laughing. "I was gonna say that dinner is ready, do you wanna eat first or take a shower?"

Scorcher nuzzles into your neck, prompting you to laugh once more. He may not talk much but when he does it sends shivers down your spine. "Depends, are you for dessert?"

#adventure time x reader #scorcher x reader #Scorcher #adventure time villians #reader insert

[vidavalor]

I just happened upon your blog (right terminology?) and I’m learning a lot. One thing that startled me was your referring to Crowley and Aziraphale’s love (sex) life as a matter of course, something seemingly everyone but me knew about. I was blown away and really wanted it to be true. After all, they’ve had to do without so much—openness, safety, the expectation of future togetherness. It would too unfair if they had to do without physical consummation too. What’s the deal with this? How do we know it’s so? What’s the history? Please enlighten me. Have you written posts about this? I’d love to read them. Thanks

Hello! Thanks for the ask. Nice to meet you. I call it a blog because I'm old and don't know the cool terms but we can call it whatever lol. I have no idea re: how many people who view the show and are able to see that Crowley & Aziraphale are more than friends (because, believe it or not, that concept still shocks some lol) who think that they're already lovers. I do think I'm sort of in the minority, maybe, even if there are a bunch of people who think that they're already a thing. When scrolling through the Ineffable Husbands tag on here, I tend to see a lot more posts that suggest that they aren't lovers and that 2.06 was their first kiss. (Let's hope that it's not lol.)

I guess I would say that if you are thinking about whether or not they might be, consider that Good Omens shows you most of its story out of chronological order in order to give layered meaning to the stuff you've already seen so, just with that knowledge alone, it would be actually pretty surprising if 2.06 was the first time they'd kissed. In S2 itself, earlier on, there's some heavy suggestion that it's not. If you want to read about when I think that happened, go here and I'll link you one more post at the bottom of this response here:

While I like to read all points of view-- I read a lot of aro ace GO stuff as well, even if I don't necessarily see that in my own interpretations of things-- I have thought they were sleeping together since the first time I watched S1 a few years back and S2 just kinda reinforced that for me. I think that, technically-speaking, there's a path to either they still haven't gotten together or that they're long-time lovers. I say that but honestly... it's more like if they somehow do something that suggests that they're only getting together during/after S3, I think it could kinda work but I honestly don't actually think that's the story they're writing. I'm pretty firmly set on the idea that they've been sleeping together for, uh, a very long time at this point. Someone told me the other day via messages that they would burn my house down if I did not finish a sex meta that I promised people so I best maybe get on that and also potentially call the police lol. (I am both flattered and scared?). So, uh, I'll get that up soon... I wrote a couple of longer metas lately about different eras of their relationship that are replies to recent asks on my blog-- I'd probably recommend the one about what they call each other and coded love confessions in 1941, if you're looking to read about them as a couple that's already a couple (even if they would have an anxiety attack at the word 'couple', as Crowley does in 2.06 lol). Will link it below. I'm very flattered that you and others have asked to read more of what I think and I have gotten asked a lot for more sex-related content so, uh, watch this space, I guess? :)

Make yourself a tea first or plan to come back to it as I'm wordy lol:

#ineffable husbands #good omens

[frenziedslashers]

Why Can't You Be Mine Already?

A/N: This is based on the idea that @joelsgeetar gave me! This was going to be multiple parts, but I suck at those so I just made it one for now. I hope to do a multi-chapter rick fic someday though :)) Sorry if this isn't the best either. Kind of started losing brain fuel halfway through 😭 Also tagging @catt-leya because they asked to be tagged :)

Pairing: Rick Grimes x GN!Reader

Request: What about Rick crushing on reader? How would he act? Would he confess? Would he show any jealousy? Does he get overly protective? Is he crazy like shane? (Bad joke). Fr I wanna know how this man is when he is IN LOVE. Bonus points if reader is a lil younger and related to Daryl. 😏

Warnings: Jealousy, possessiveness, MENTIONS OF CANON TYPICAL VIOLENCE AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF THE BIKER THAT SA'd CARL!!! mutual masturbation at the end, that's really it tbh.

REQUEST INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

The sun hit your skin just perfectly. Making you glow like no one he'd ever seen before. He couldn't take his eyes off you, he never could.

"Rick," his head turned when he heard the familiar voice behind him. A welcoming smile graced his lips as Maggie came to stand behind him. "Y'starin' at them ain't gonna make them kiss ya any sooner," she teased her friend, noticing how his face flushed a little darker. Smiling at the way he ducked his head down, bashfully. "I know," he muttered. Everyone knew that Rick had these feelings for you, but he was so scared to act on them. After everything with Lori, he was afraid he might lose you. Or he might not love you the same. Or- "why don't you tell 'em?" God, he wished it was that easy.

He felt like he had sunk further into the ground he stood on as he thought. His mind racing with thoughts while his thumbs were hooked on his belt loops. "Maggie.." He muttered under his breath. "It ain't that easy. After Lori..." He frowned, and she nodded. "I understand, but sooner or later they're going to move on from you. Just gotta do like Glenn and me, we didn't waste no time." She added with a cheeky grin. "Which reminds me, Glenn wanted me to ask you if you could help him with the walkers on the fence? I gotta help Beth and Daddy with some things." He nodded, looking over to the Greene girl, "Yeah, 'course."

That was months ago, now. He still hadn't opened up to you. He was going to, but it seemed like every time he wanted to tell you the moment wasn't right. The outbreak inside the prison happened. Then Woodbury happened, then they attacked and everyone was left running. He wasn't even with you when everyone ran. You were stuck hiding in the forest, searching the nearest areas for survivors with Michonne. Not that you were complaining, you knew that she would protect you and you would do the same for her. She was a friend.

"So," she muttered, fingers grabbing at her sword to pull it out of the holder. "You and Rick, what are you?" She asked, decapitating a walker with a swift movement of her sword. You truly admired what she did. It was a talent you wished you had. "Friends, I guess?" She laughed at that, shaking her head before putting her sword back. "I see the way he looks at you, how Daryl tries to pull you away from him. I don't think he thinks you're just friends." She quipped, and you felt your palms go sweaty, eyes darting to the side while you scoffed. Trying to cover up how embarrassed you felt.

You shook your head, strolling next to her down the street. "No way, I'm too young for him. He's ten years older than I am, why would he like me?" She shrugged, "I don't know, but he does. He cares about you a lot. When the Governor attacked, he was quick to put you behind himself. To order you to run even though you stayed to fight. He cares," She smiled over at you, and you shrugged. You wanted the subject changed, looking around the street until you noticed an empty can. "Look, what's that?" You asked, the both of you lurking forward. Eyes looking around for any sign of danger until you both reached the can of.. pudding? It still had wet pudding inside of it as well. Looking at it, then at each other, and finally, at the house next to you both and the can.

Michonne was the first to head up the steps. Her sword ready, you holding the hunting knife Daryl had given you for your birthday so many years ago - who knew it would be this handy?

Her stiff stance made your furrow your brows. Cocking your head with a slight frown. "What is it?" You asked once noticing the tears rolling down her face. Stepping up to the window to peek through the boards when she stepped to the side. Seeing Carl and Rick was the best feeling you could have felt. Your heart burned with excitement as you looked at your friend and the both of you stepped up to the door.

The stiff knocks at the door had the father and son scurrying to their feet. Looking at each other while readying their weapons. Rick gulped before ordering Carl to step behind him. Holding his revolver to his side while peaking through the peek hole in the door. It was Michonne, and you.

Even after all of that Rick only greeted you with a smile and a tight hug, which he quickly departed from. It was frustrating for both of you. Mostly yourself. The mixed feelings you got from the man were torturous, and you could tell Michonne was just as annoyed by Rick's actions. The four of you decided to stay back for a while. At least until Rick healed up enough for you all to leave. Or so you hoped. A group of men chased you all out of the safety of the house after sneaking in while Rick slept in the upstairs bedroom.

"Rick," you muttered to the man, breath hitching when his knuckles grazed the back of your hand and his shoulder bumped against your own while you all walked the train tracks. Hoping to find others from the prison. "Yeah?" He asked, drawl strong in his voice. You opened your mouth to say something, but you didn't even know what you wanted to say. Pursing your lips while focusing on the scenery in front of you. Rick kept his eyes on you until you spoke. "I'm glad you're okay," he felt his heart stutter at those words. His stomach clenched when you reached and gently grabbed his hand with your own. His eyes met yours as you turned your head to look up at him, smiling. "I'm glad you're safe, too." He hummed with a smile, giving your hand a light squeeze. The both of you continue down the road like this.

It seemed like nothing could go easy for the four of you. Further down the road, you just happened to stumble upon the Biker gang that Rick just so happened to kill one of their men back at the house you all reunited at. You held your ground as they lurked forwards and threatened you all, but you froze up when you saw Daryl. Your older brother pushing forward and shouting that you were all off limits. "Daryl," you spoke, and the leader smirked, giving you a once-over while licking his teeth. "That your lover?" Daryl scoffed at his words, "No, I'm their older brother, what are you, sick?" Daryl asked with a scowl. The gaze darkened when he noticed the way the biker looked you over. The hunter was thankful for Rick who pushed both you and Carl behind him.

The fight was a lot, to say the least. You were drenched in blood, having stabbed the man that pushed you against a car with your knife. Michonne shook out of anger while standing over another body. Daryl looked you over to make sure you were safe. You were more worried about Carl though, once Daryl knew you were safe, he was, too. You all were. The boy crying while holding onto his dad like if he let go the man would get him again. You gave Rick a sympathetic glance, offering a weary smile, to which Rick nodded. Face covered in blood after biting into the leader's throat.

Further down the road only seemed to get worse, too. One event after another seemed to happen, but Rick was there to save you. Again and again. Whether it be from Walkers or the hellish communities you all came across. He wasn't losing you. He never would, not on his watch at least.

It wasn't until you all reached Alexandria that you were all able to relax. You especially found joy in the little community. Bonding with a couple of the people within the walls. Joining your brother when he would go over to Aaron and Eric's house - you especially liked their company. Daryl seemed to as well, you could tell.

You had been so focused on hanging out with some of the new people that you hadn't even noticed the way Rick stared at you each time he caught you with someone he didn't know. The way his eyes lingered on you with longing eyes; with want. It hurt seeing you with other people, and he couldn't help but think about what Maggie told him all those months ago. "Sooner or later they're going to move on from you." Maybe she was right, and this was it. He was slowly losing you from his grasp. You weren't as wrapped around his finger as you used to be - or at least he didn't think you were.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Rick muttered to you, grabbing your arm to ensure you wouldn't walk away from him. You noticed the look of worry and dread in his eye. Smiling softly while nodding. "Yeah, is everything all right?" He shrugged, motioning for a more private area. "Just.. Come on." He muttered, and you nodded, following him into the house.

He stood in front of you, but he didn't look at you. Both of you standing in the living room, his eyes fixated on the wall beside you. "Rick," you frowned, "what's wrong? You're scaring me," you added with a lighthearted chuckle. He finally looked at you, but his expression hardly changed. He still looked just as distraught. "I don't like you hanging out with Spencer," you furrowed your brows, confused as to where he was coming from. "I was just helping him out with some stuff." "I don't care, I don't like the way he looks at you," and you scoffed. You couldn't believe what he was saying to you.

A part of you was relieved that he still seemed to care, but that part of you was small. You were more annoyed and pissed than anything. Crossing your arms over your chest with a glare. "Why do you care?" You spat, and he winced at your tone. His own glare settled in his eyes. "Because I care, why do ya gotta be so damn stubborn?" Two could play at this stupid game. "Yeah? Well then you have to stop hanging out with Julie or whatever her name is." You shot back, and he looked taken back.

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "That blond chick, don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about. You see a damsel in distress and you go running to them. If you can make rules for me, I'll make rules for you too, Rick." He went back to staring beside you, but not for too long. Eyes snapping back to yours with a look you couldn't quite place. "Her names Jessie," "Do I look like I give a fuck?" He grinned, chuckling. "You act like you do." You rolled your eyes again, leaning back against the wall. "Oh please, don't act like you weren't just telling me to stop helping Spencer." You added, tilting your head, and his eyes stared. Flowing down to your lips, your neck... God, he wanted you so badly.

You caught his staring, smirking a little. "Deal?" He sighed, eyes tracing back up to yours. "Fine," you smiled, patting his chest, before pushing past him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go help Daryl with some stuff." He nodded, watching you leave. His eyes scanning over your body and wishing he would have just pulled you in for a kiss.

This went on for days longer, and it only seemed to get worse. You would catch him still talking with Jessie, so you'd talk to Spencer out of retaliation. Only pissing the former Sheriff off more. "I thought we had a deal!" He shouted, and you sniggered, "we did! But you broke it talking with Jessie yesterday! Don't act like I didn't see you, you asshat!" He looked genuinely hurt at the name-calling, and you almost felt bad. Almost.

"Jesus Rick! What are we even doing?" You hissed, and he stayed quiet. "What are we?" You snapped, but he had no idea how to answer that. "I don't know," he muttered, and you sighed, shaking your head before heading for the door. "Come find me when you figure out what the hell it is you do want, Rick. You don't find me soon, I'm gone," you muttered, the last bit of your phrase dripping with a hint of disappointment. You almost sounded, sad? He wasn't sure, all he knew was that he hated that tone in your voice, and the upset look in your eye as you stormed out. He was left standing there again, for the second time. Just this time it hurt him a lot more.

Daryl was the only person Rick could think about talking this out with. Dragging his feet to where he knew the hunter would be. Sitting in the workshop drinking a beer while fixing up his bike. "Hey," he muttered after the man when he realized he was just where he assumed. "You blew it, didn't ya?" Daryl asked without looking up from his work, and Rick furrowed his brow. The silence caused him to look up, shaking his head. "Don't act like I didn't know. I been their brother forever, Rick. I know when they like someone and I know when you like someone," he added, looking back down to what his hands were doing. "Everyone does," he muttered under his breath with a breathy chuckle.

Rick had no idea what to say, hands hanging awkwardly at his sides before pulling them up to cross over his chest. "Well, uh... Do I have your permission to ask them out? We had a fight, and they asked me what we were, I said I don't know." Daryl shrugged. "Rather it be you than any of the preppy pretty boys in this shit-hole." He added, looking up at Rick with a smile. "No promises they don' bite, though." Rick smiled, laughing lightly at that. Glancing down before his eyes met Daryls again. Noticing how his stare seemed to darken. "No promises I ain't gonna beat the shit outta ya if ya hurt 'em, too." He snarled, and Rick nodded. "I understand, I won't. You have my word," Daryl nodded. "Ya better go find 'em before they fuck the Monroe kid t'get back at ya." Rick rolled his eyes at Daryl's words, but he understood. Thanking the man before he turned to wander off and find you.

It took him nearly twenty minutes before he discovered where you were. Walking up to where you sat near the pond in town. Sitting next to you with a sigh. "Hey," you hardly acknowledged him. Rick ached, not realizing how much he loved your smile that always greeted him anytime he spoke to you. "Look, I'm sorry 'bout everythin', I just got worried 'bout you. I know you can handle yourself," he muttered, hands resting on the ground beside him, legs resting in front of him. "I just.." He sighed, "I care about you, a lot more than I'm comfortable with." You kept your gaze in front of you but listened to everything he said. "I was just so scared that I was losing you here, every time I looked you were with someone new. Chatting away, smiling, and don't get me wrong. I love seeing you happy, S'one of my favorite things, but..." He paused again, sighing as he raked his brain for words. "I hated that you stopped talking to me as much. I wanted it to be me makin' you smile like that. Me who you ran around with and laughed with." He ducked his head down. "It's stupid, now that I say it out loud." He chuckled, and you shook your head, smiling softly as you reached to grab his hand.

Rick's head jerked to look down at your hand. Smile slowly spreading to his lips as he looked up to meet your eyes. His gaze was soft, speaking all the words he wanted to say. "I like you too, Rick Grimes," you spoke, and he smiled more. "That mean Spencer's out of the picture?" You hummed, teasing him by pretending to think, even though you knew the answer was 'yes'. It was always yes. "Yeah, only if Jessie is too." He snickered, bringing his arm to wrap it around your shoulders, leaning his head on top of yours. "She never was in the picture," he commented before you both fell quiet again.

"S'a pretty view." He stated, and you smiled, "Yeah, it is," you sighed, "Think sleeping would be a nicer view," you chuckled, and he nodded, his own body screaming for him to go to bed with how late it was. "Wanna lay with me?" He asked, and you smirked, "No promises I won't keep ya up," he chuckled, shifting so he could stand up and pull you up to your feet as well. "Well, we better get there fast so we aren't up any later than we gotta be." He cooed, staring down at your lips with a soft hum. You didn't stand long enough for him to be able to kiss you, though. Pulling him off towards the house.

His eyes were on you the whole time. Watching your body as he drug behind you. Just the thought of lying next to you got him hot and bothered. Cursing himself mentally for how much you turned him on. For how touched deprived he really was. If anything, the hand-holding wasn't helping the tent that slowly grew in his pants. Growing more and more uncomfortable with each step. All he could think about was your hand compared to his, and how his dick would feel in your hands.

The second that door to the bedroom closed behind you both, he was shoving you up against the wall. A hiss leaving your lips at the force of his actions. "Shit, Rick," you hummed with a smirk, "You want me bad, don't ya?" He only grunted in response, mouth moving straight to your own. "Wanted ya for a while," he murmured against your lips, caging your body with his own. His breathing only hitched when your fingers snaked into his hair and pulled. God, he forgot how much he loved that feeling. Pressing his body against you while kissing you with force.

He was quick to move down to your neck. Kissing and nipping, leaving hickeys in order to make sure that Spencer and everyone else that looked at you got the message that you were his. The noises you made from the action were just a plus. His hands pawed and groped at your skin before hastily working on removing the clothing from your upper body. He was far from gentle when he did this. Ripping and tugging at the fabric. "Jesus, you dick," you huffed out, "Lucky this isn't my favorite shirt," you scoffed, and he chuckled, pulling his own shirt over his head.

You were quick to shut up at the other's exposed skin. Both of you eating each other's figures up. Hands roaming in order to map the other's bodies. Both of you found where the other seemed to like to be touched the most. It was your turn to leave marks, though. Pushing him towards the bed while your mouth latched onto his collarbone. Kissing and sucking while pushing him down onto the bed. Climbing over him so you were straddling his lap with a grin. Leaving a mess of hickeys on his neck that showed the shape of a heart. Pulling back to admire your work and the panting mess that Rick had become underneath you. "There, now no one's gonna be takin' you from me either." You snickered, and he smirked. He loved feeling owned just as much as he loved feeling like he owned you now, in a sense.

He was quick to grab at your thighs when you ground down against him, a growl leaving from behind his teeth while he clenched his jaw. Watching as you repositioned your legs so you were between his thighs. Smirking at the curious glint in his eyes, and the way his face seemed to turn even more red than before.

"What're you- fuck!" He snarled, bucking into your hand as you palmed him through his jeans. His head fell back with parted lips. He was beautiful. "Just let me take care of ya, Rick," you cooed, and he nodded, "Fuckin' hell, just take m'jeans off, please." he pleaded, and it was like music to your ears. "Anything for you, baby," you teased, trailing kisses over his chest while undoing his pants. Working quick since you were just as eager as he was. Daryl was right, too. You did bite, but Rick wasn't complaining in the slightest. If anything, it just had him eager for more. Hands grabbing eagerly at the back of your head when you leaned down to pull him in for another kiss.

His lips parted when you finally undid his jeans and reached past his boxers for his dick. His hips bucked into your hand when your thumb brushed over his tip. "Fuck, feels so good," he blurted, and you smiled, hand working up and down his shaft after spitting into your own palm while he became a panting and grunting mess below you. Biting his bottom lip to do his best to stay quiet. "Shit, wanna fuck you so bad," he murmured, and you hummed, feeling your stomach knot up at the thought. "Really? Why can't I fuck you?" He shuddered at the thought, growling into the kiss he pulled you in for.

Rick was grabbing at your jeans while you continued jerking him off. Calloused hands pulling your pants down enough so he could reach down into your own boxer to touch you. Pulling away from the kiss to spit on his own hand and give you the same treatment. His hand reached down your undergarments in order to grab you. Your hips thrust into his hand at the contact. "Shit, Rick," you hissed, and he smirked, though it quickly faded. Furrowing his brows with a groan when you squeezed his shaft.

The both of you touched each other until you were both reaching your highs. Rick was the first to go, and you followed shortly after. Fluids covering each other's hands. Rick panted while pulling his jeans off the rest of the way in order to feel more comfortable in the bed. Watching as you did the same.

"Shit, haven't felt that good in ages," you murmured, and he chuckled, nodding his head. "Neither," he lazily spoke. Eyes feeling even heavier than when you were both sitting at the pond. He still brought himself to stand up, though. Throwing his legs over the side of the bead to head for the bathroom. Coming back with a towel in order to wipe the both of you down. Giving you a chaste kiss while tossing the towel back toward the bathroom. Settling when it hit the tiles right at the entrance before climbing back into bed next to you. "Next time we're more awake, maybe we can do more than just that," he murmured into the side of your head as he pulled you close. A small hum left your own throat as you lazily draped yourself over him. "Definitely, not lettin' ya go now," he smiled, "You're just as stuck with me."

#rick Grimes x reader #rick grimes #the walking dead #twd #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead fanfiction

[thothxv]

I really don't want to talk about the present AO3 controversy (I have opinions, I think anyone paying attention does, but I'm so. Very. Tired. And the internet chews up tired people with opinions and spits them out for fun. So that's not happening).

HOWEVER!

I see many people out there championing Squidgeworld as an alternative to AO3. If you don't like AO3's staff or leadership and want to go somewhere else, this is actually pretty reasonable. The Squidge folks have been doing this a long time, they know what they're doing. They are a smaller team, hosting on smaller infrastructure (a dog knocked over their server once, apparently), but they seem up to the task of running an archive.

However. I also see people talking how Squidgeworld's policies are better than AO3 in various regards. And I want to address this because it's... mostly wrong. There are some differences in the TOSes, but for most of you they will be the same.

First thing, top of the list: Squidge's TOS is much smaller and vaguer than AO3's. A whole ton of rules around tagging in the TOS are just... not there. There's a bunch of information in AO3's TOS about how complaints are treated, that's all gone, any specificity about how Squidgeworld defines what they do or do not consider acceptable behavior is just... not there. In their place, we have Wheaton's Law: "Don't be a Dick". You might thing that covers it all, but a good TOS that makes it clear what is and is not allowed gives a lot of piece of mind. Nothing is worse than waking up to see that you've been given the boot because you and the mods disagreed about what the TOS meant. It sucks, you don't want that. It probably won't happen to most people, especially if you're not an asshole, but it is a thing.

The next thing in the TOS is the CSEM clause (the technical term for most of what people refer to as child pornography), and this is what I heard a lot of people talking about. I have heard people say that Squidge "actually bans child porn". However, the only difference between AO3 and Squidge's policies on CSEM (which is, to be clear, they they do not permit it) The only difference is this line: "This includes anything deemed pro-child sex or child-sex advocacy symbols." The thing is, that's subjective. A fic that involves this kind of content is not necessarily pro-child sex. Yes, even if it's RPF. And no, RPF is not CSAM. Nor is RPF CSEM, which is a broader umbrella term. At least, not under US law or US definitions, which is what both AO3 and Squidge operate under. I have done my best to get the official definitions for these things: RPF isn't covered. This has nothing to do with my opinions on RPF, it's just fact. In short, if you're upset at AO3 for not banning sexually explicit RPF containing real-life minors, Squidgeworld doesn't ban that either. Whether or not it takes down a fic with that kind of content in it is basically down moderation staff opinion on whether it might be advocating for child sex.

Now here's the juicy stuff. Squidgeworld prohibits links to any kind of fundraising... except in the case of original work. So, if you are a writer who posts original work to fic archives and wants to link your Patreon... you can do that on Squidgeworld. Just don't do it on fanfics. Or in the comments or in your profile. Standard AO3 rules everywhere else. Honestly, unless squidgeworld takes off on a scale that is frankly unlikely, this probably won't matter, but for some of you, this is a good thing, and it's worth bringing up.

Squidgeworld, unlike AO3, does not allow AI-generated fanworks. Now, I'm sure a lot of you are very happy, but this does actually present some problems: Specifically, you can't always tell AI generated and human work apart. Sure, a lot of the time it's pretty easy, but you can mask it, and sometimes the output could be confused for real writing. More importantly, real people's writing could be confused for AI writing. I could easily see fic authors being attacked with accusations that their work is AI generated, or co-written with an AI. I don't know if that will happen, but... well, some people are assholes, and fan communities are often drama-laden. It could happen.

Squidgeworld prohibits web scraping for the purpose of use with AI. AO3 basically has the same policy, and they've taken more technical measures to prevent it now that we're aware it's a thing that happens (the first time AO3 was scraped was pre-ChatGPT, people just weren't paying attention to this stuff. I imagine squidgeworld takes similar anti-scraping technical measures, although I don't know for sure). I think people don't think AO3 does this because in the post where they explained this they also said they allowed AI-generated fics, and they went on to say that they couldn't make it impossible for someone to scrape the site and feed that into a machine learning model. That's something Squidgeworld can't do either: if you really want a website scraped, that website can be scraped. This is why AO3 went on to say that archive-locking your work would make it less likely for scrapers to catch it, and that you could do that if you were concerned.

So yeah. I think broadly that these policies shake out mostly the same as they do on AO3 in terms of content. There's more vagueness and subjectivity and more things that malicious users could potentially abuse to waste staff time and attack other users, but... well, you can always submit false reports. That's a problem on AO3 too. Same as it ever was. And hey, at least there won't be any blatantly AI-generated fics over on squidgeworld. Mind, I haven't seen any in any of my fandoms anyways...

#squidgeworld #ao3 #thoth.txt #god i am so tired