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lovesosweeet · 7 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter ten

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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october 17, 2016 madrid, spain orion

Slightly hungover, I wake up to four missed calls from Calum, along with twenty-something text messages. It's been a while since they were in Europe. They went to the US for a month or so and then toured Australia and New Zealand. Now the that tour is over, none of 5SOS are really posting much, so I don’t even know where in the world he is these days.

We'd gone out last night — me, Paula, Ilse, Marta, and Lucia. We started at Space Monkey, taking advantage of Lucia's employee discount. We ended up at Capital, which is notably the fanciest place we could've gone. I wasn't allowed to wear my normal sneakers, which made me mad, especially for having to pay the 20€ cover fee to get in. I'm not that hungover. My head just hurts and my stomach needs food, and I'm definitely exhausted.

Calum and I have texted and Facetimed sparsely since they left Europe, but I've tried to keep it brief. I'm sure he's been seeing other girls since they’ve been on different continents, and I’ve been trying to make the most of my time in Madrid with my wonderful roommates who’ve turned into great friends. He doesn’t need to waste his time on me. I don’t expect anything out of him. We were just a temporary thing. I don’t know that we make sense beyond the time we’ve spent together, so I’ve been trying to keep my expectations low. He’s called me here and there, but again, I’ve tried to keep it brief. I’ve been trying to avoid getting too attached, and the more we talk, the more attached I’d get.

His onslaught of notifications totally catches me off guard. What does he want? Why would he text me that many times and call, all at once? Did he give me an STD? Jesus, how would I even get tested here? Just go to the hospital?

I nervously open my messages app to see what he’s sent.

From: calum 5sos

hi what are you doing today

your fav bassist may or may not be back in madrid

okay yeah he’s here

i’m in madrid and i want to see you

may or may not have been my first choice in post-tour destination

may or may not be because of you

wow i definitely don’t mean to be creepy

i’ve missed you

so much

just checked your insta story and assuming you’re hungover and/or asleep still

pls let me know when you’re up

also you looked so hot last night

wanna get avo toast and coffee and donuts?!

orion

fuck

i want to see you

i’m outside your place btw sorry to show up uninvited.

if you want me to leave please tell me

i know it’s been a bit but i’ve wanted to see you for so long

i’ll hang here til 2.

no worries if you’re asleep!!! get that beauty rest but you’re the prettiest ever regardless i promise

i just really missed you and am so excited to see you

hope you wake up soon so i can squeeze you

i want to spend every second with you so the weeks apart have been torture

can’t wait to see you. seriously.

pls wake up and let me in

While I guess I am excited to see him, I don’t know what he’s doing here. He came here first? He chose to see me over his family and friends? Madrid isn’t exactly close to LA or Australia. I think his sister lives in London, so maybe he’s on his way to her.

I don’t bother to check the voicemails — his texts have said more than enough.

To: calum 5sos

um hi just woke up

i’ll be down in a bit

I get out of bed and change my sleep shorts to jeans, throwing a hoodie on over my sports bra, and slipping my feet into my beloved white sneakers. I leave my room to head to the bathroom and find Paula and Lucia cuddled up on the couch, scrolling through their phones. It’s 11:30 now, and they’ve both showered it seems, since their hair is wet, so I’m guessing they’ve been up for a while.

“Buenos,” Paula greets me. She doesn’t look hungover at all, but I don’t think she actually drank that much last night.

“Hi,” I say back, debating talking to her or just getting to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face quickly. I decide to update her on the situation. “Um, Calum’s outside?”

Her eyes go wide and she puts her phone down. “What?” She’s also grinning at me wickedly. She has always loved the idea of me and Cal together, but I always reminded her we were just casual and to stop getting so excited about our prospect as a ‘real’ couple. This news is probably music to her ears.

“I don’t know, he sent me, like, twenty texts and called me a bunch.” I sigh, running my hand through my hair. I don’t know why, but I’m stressed about this. What the fuck is he doing here?

“Orion, I keep telling you. He likes you!”

I frown. Why would he choose me? “I don’t know. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and then go see what he wants.”

Letting the water heat up so I can wash my face, I brush my teeth and braid my hair. In the mirror, I see I still have mascara smudges from taking off my makeup in my drunken stupor early this morning. I do my best to wake myself up with the hot water and quickly apply some mascara and brow gel. I don’t need to impress Calum, but suddenly I hate my reflection. I frown at myself and let out a sigh, and then I leave the bathroom, hurrying out the door of the apartment and down the creaky stairs.

When I step out onto the sidewalk, I see him. He’s sitting on the bench that’s about 20 feet from the door, scrolling on his phone. Next to him, I see a small bouquet of chamomile, a silky pink ribbon tied around the flowers. Calum is wearing a cobalt blue hoodie and his typical black pants with a pair of white sneakers. His hair is hidden under a gray beanie. My stupid heart starts beating faster at the sight of him. He looks sleepy and cozy.

I gulp and approach the bench, clearing my throat to catch his attention. Calum looks up at me with his dark brown eyes and instantly grins when we make eye contact. He practically jumps up and runs to me, engulfing me in a tight hug and lifting me off the ground.

I hug him back. It is nice to see him, I’ve decided. He’s warm and he smells nice this morning.

Calum holds me in the air for what feels like a very long time before he sets me back on the ground.

“Hi,” he breathes. He’s still beaming at me, his eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “I’ve missed you.”

Why?

“I’ve missed you too,” I find myself saying. I have, but I’ve been trying not to think about it. I’ve tried to keep my distance.

He then pulls me into another hug, and I awkwardly wrap my arms around him again, still in shock that he’s here right now. And he missed me. He missed me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. My voice is soft, quiet. I’m so uncertain about this situation.

“I wanted to see my favorite girl.”

I’m his favorite girl?

I don’t say anything else. I just remain wrapped around him, breathing in his scent and enjoying his warmth. It’s a bit chilly today. Fall has started to kick in, and I’m jealous of Calum’s beanie right now.

“Would I be able to go upstairs for a sec? I’ve been here for a few hours and really need to pee. I didn’t want to leave in case you came down while I was gone. Didn’t want to miss my chance to surprise you properly.”

I nod against him, untangling my limbs from his. “Yeah, of course,” I breathe out. I take a step back, and he grabs my hand quickly, pulling me back closer to him. He leans down and kisses me, which catches me off guard. This whole thing is catching me off guard and I’m so confused. My brain won’t compute what’s happening.

“Sorry, just needed to kiss you real quick.” He laughs. The smile on his face is still plastered there, unceasing.

I manage to smile slightly at him before I use his hand to pull him toward the door of our building. We climb up the creaky stairs back to our apartment, and I take a deep breath before I open the door to our apartment, hoping Paula and Lucia aren’t gossiping about Calum as we walk in.

Cal’s been here before, of course, so he just heads straight to the bathroom and I whisper to him that I’ll be in the living room when he’s done. Lucia and Paula are waiting patiently for me in the living room, speaking almost silently in Spanish to each other. They look to me excitedly and expectantly, hoping I can share some sort of insights with them as to why Calum is here.

‘He LOVES you’ Paula mouths to me as I sit on an armchair that faces the couch they’re sitting on.

‘STOP’ I mouth back, shooting her an angry glare. The walls in the apartment are thin, and you can usually hear everything if you listen hard enough. I don’t want to risk Calum hearing what she says.

We’re all surprised when we hear a scream and some door slamming.

“Sorry! What the fuck!?” Ilse yells. She must have tried to go to the bathroom. At this point we don’t even knock before we enter it; we’re all so close and familiar we just enter the bathroom whenever we want. It’s four girls and only one bathroom, so we have just given up on privacy in there. When Lucia is here, it’s five girls and one bathroom, so she’s just gotten used to our practice and uses it just like she would if she lived here. It seems that she’s tried to go in while Cal is in there.

I hear her footsteps scurrying to the living room.

“What the hell is Calum doing here?!” Ilse whisper-yells when she gets to us.

“I don’t know!” I whisper-yell back.

We all turn our heads as the sound of the toilet flushing and the door squeaking back open hits our ears, followed by the sound of Cal’s quiet footsteps to the living room.

“Sorry, Ilse — I should’ve locked it. Baño is all yours.” He looks a little embarrassed, but it’s not like we haven’t all seen that infamous Snapchat. “Also, hi everyone. Good to see you.”

“Why are we screaming so early?” Marta’s voice echoes out, and she joins us all in the living room seconds later. It takes a moment for her to register that Calum is here, and then her eyes widen and she freezes in shock. “Calum?”

“Hi Marta! Sorry to wake you up,” he apologizes. He crosses the small space between them and wraps her into a quick hug, and then he hugs Ilse, and then Paula, and then Lucia.

This is weird. This is so weird. He’s met them all before but this just feels so different. None of us could’ve predicted he’d be here this morning.

“We’re gonna go grab breakfast. Do any of you want us to bring you anything back? Coffees?”

He’s met with a chorus of ‘yes please, coffee’ and he nods, looking at me expectantly with a small smile. “Ready to go?”

I nod wordlessly and turn around, heading for the door. I hear Cal’s footsteps behind me quickly, and we leave the apartment once again and get to the street. Almost as some kind of reflex, I grab his hand in mine and start walking toward my favorite breakfast place, assuming that’s where he’d want to go. We walk in silence for a few minutes before he disrupts the quiet.

“Are you okay? You’re pretty quiet.” He squeezes my hand.

I nod again. “Yeah, just kinda stunned, I guess?”

“You didn’t think I’d want to visit you as soon as I could? I wanted to keep it as somewhat of a surprise!” He laughs his sweet, quiet laugh and I feel his thumb rub the back of my hand the way he’s done so many times before.

I clear my throat and shake my head. “No, I didn’t really expect that you’d want to see me again, honestly.”

My shoulder is almost ripped from its socket when Calum suddenly stops walking.

“What?”

I turn around to face him and his expression is a mix of confusion and hurt.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again?”

His expression makes my heart hurt a bit. I didn’t mean anything nasty by what I said, but I truly didn’t expect that we’d keep seeing each other now that the European leg is over and tour is over and he can go back to his normal life.

I shrug. “I guess I just thought you’d move on.”

He frowns. “Did you want me to move on?”

No. I didn’t want him to move on. I liked him. I liked him a lot. The idea of us being more than what we were just felt unattainable, so I always assumed he would move on. I was sure there was a girl or two in the other places they went, and surely back in LA there are plenty of girls more suitable for him, other musicians and actresses and influencers; definitely not some random student at UCLA.

“Of course not.”

Calum looks deeply confused and hurt, which wasn’t my intention. I feel bad. “Orion, I really like you. Have I not made that clear?” He’s not being snarky with his question. He sounds genuine and uncertain, which makes me feel worse.

He had been texting me this whole time we’d been apart. He likes everything I post to Instagram. He calls me every week.

Have I just been an idiot this whole time?

“I thought I was just the girl in Europe.”

His eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I guess kind of like… a groupie? I was the girl you hung out with in Europe. Maybe just one of the girls? I figured there were others, and you had girls in Asia and America and Australia.”

Calum looks bewildered. “No, no. Orion, this whole time, it’s just been you. I like you. I’m so sorry if I wasn’t clear, because I thought you knew.”

Still in shock, I really don’t know how to reply.

“Shit, Matt had you on our security list as ‘Orion Moss - Calum’s girlfriend.’”

Girlfriend? We’re both silent for a few seconds, the words hanging in the air. I feel like I can almost read them floating in the space between us.

“Am I?”

Now Calum seems to be at a loss for words. He’s still confused, upset almost.

Am I his girlfriend? Do I want to be his girlfriend? I guess that’s a stupid question. Of course I do. I check his tagged photos on Instagram as a pre-bed ritual almost every night. I scroll through the photos we have together in my camera roll constantly; I even made an album of them so they’re all in one place. When he texts me, I have to intentionally make myself wait to reply so I don’t seem too clingy or desperate.

“Do you want to be?” He finally asks.

This time I don’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Relief washes over him and I watch his stress melt away. A smile appears shortly thereafter, and then he’s stepping toward me, kissing me for the second time this morning. There’s a warmth that starts to burn in my chest and I find myself smiling against his lips. He’s here. He’s really here and he likes me.

Calum creates a tiny bit of space between our mouths, just enough that he can speak. “Then please, please be my girlfriend.”

I giggle, feeling like a giddy little kid whose crush just said they like them back on the playground. “I am happy to accept your offer.”

We kiss a bit more, and then I start feeling self conscious when I remember we’re just making out on a sidewalk in Spain’s most populous city, one of the largest cities in Europe, and he’s famous and anyone could see us and post about it. I pull away, saying we can continue it later, and he says he can’t wait.

We resume our walk to the cafe, hand in hand, and I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face. When I glance at Calum, he’s smiling too. I’m probably happier right now than I have been in a very long time. Once we reach the cafe, he stops.

“Want to get it to go? We can get donuts too and take it to Retiro for a little picnic.” His suggestion sounds perfect, so I agree.

We order our breakfasts — hummus and avocado toast for me, tortilla con jamón for him — and wait a few minutes before they bring it to us. Cal pays, as always, and then we walk to the donut shop that I consider my favorite place in the whole world. We get a four pack of the day’s most unique flavors, along with oat milk cappuccinos to drink, and then we travel the short distance to Retiro, which is bustling as always.

We sit by the pond to watch people using the little paddle boats, and I try to aesthetically set up our spread of food to take a picture. Calum just watches me in amusement while I try to get the perfect shot. Once I’ve got it, I tell him he can start eating. I quickly text the picture to the group chat with my flat mates, whose replies come through instantly, as if they were waiting for me to text them an update (which, to be fair, they probably were).

To: lavapies ladies!!!

Image attached

brunch picnic in retiro with my BOYFRIEND

From: paula (lavapies ladies!!!!)

BITCH I TOLD YOU

HOLY SHIT

From: marta (lavapies ladies!!!!)

DIOS MIOOOOOO

From: ilse (lavapies ladies!!!!)

she’s a rockstar’s girlfriend aaaahhhhhh

From: paula (lavapies ladies!!!!)

“it’s just casual” mY MF ASSSSS

At the last message, I roll my eyes, locking my phone and putting it into my back pocket. I look up from my phone and find Calum’s camera pointed at me. The shutter goes off as soon as I make eye contact with the lens.

“Just wanna remember this moment,” he gushes, smiling so sweetly at me before putting his phone away too.

We then dig in to the spread, but of course it’s far too much food for the two of us. I know we’ll bring whatever is left back to my apartment and the girls will inhale it all, so it’s fine. I get to listen to lots more tour stories from Calum than he’s shared over text or on our brief phone calls, and I tell him more about my classes and the little adventures I’ve gone on with my roommates. It’s so nice getting to talk to him again. It’s so easy, and it feels right, and I just feel so giddy about the fact that it wasn’t just a casual thing. It’s real, and it’s serious.

It’s then that I realize it, and I don’t know what took me so long. I now know I was in denial, but it’s clear as day while we sit in this park.

I am completely and utterly in love with Calum Hood.

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a/n: a little cute flashback chapter to lighten the mood hehe!!!!

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #calum hood #ashton irwin #fanfiction #fanfic #5sosfam #5sos fanfic #calum imagine #calum fluff #calum x fem!oc #calum x oc #better left unsaid

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talkfastromance4 · 4 years

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reader being drunk and calling mikey while he’s on tour and telling him how much she misses him and loves him and getting really emotional and this boy gets just as emotional over his girl

aww i love this it’s so soft _______

It’s only been three weeks. But 21 days is an awful long time being away from your boyfriend Michael, especially when you won’t get to see him until the tour break. Which won’t be for another four months.

Week one was spent crying and hugging his pillow while also wearing his favorite hoodie that he was more than willing to part with and leave with you. Week two was spent with distracting yourself and going out with friends to the movies. Week three has left you lonely and missing him more than ever because a work party was coming up and you’d have to go alone.

You’d gotten home at a not so decent hour from a dinner with a coworker that ended up with you having three large daiquiris. As you were falling into bed, a post notification came up on your phone from the 5SOS profile and you clicked on it.

It was a video of Michael, you frowned audibly at the first shot of him sitting on the couch playing video games and clicked on the little sound icon so you can listen.

It’s him being adorable while wearing his glasses and explaining the game he’s playing. Then it cuts to him sleeping curled up in his bunk and then he’s playing video games again but this time with Luke.

“No! You’re doing it wrong!” Michael sighs rubbing the corners of his eyes under his glasses. “Y/N’s way better at this then you are, you idiot.”

“You yell at me!”

“Cause you don’t listen!”

Then it shows him playing onstage and suddenly tears are streaming down your face, an overwhelming amount of sadness hits you. You miss Michael terribly so you go and call him.

“Hi kitty,” he greets you softly and it makes you cry harder. You miss his soft voice. You miss his morning voice where it’s scratchy and cute. “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

“I miss you,” you sob closing your eyes but the tears still fall. You curl into his pillow breathing him in. “I saw the video on Instagram of you and you mentioned me and I miss playing video games with you. I miss your voice. I miss you so bad.”

“Oh, kitty,” he sighs sadly. You can’t see him but on the other end he presses the corners of his eyes with his thumb and finger so his tears don’t escape. “I miss you, too, so much.”

“And I’m a little drunk or tipsy or both and it makes me miss you more cause you always give me water and Advil for my headaches,” you continue through your tears. “I love you, Mikey. You always take care of me and now I’m alone.”

Michael swallows harshly, a lump formed in his throat as he fills with emotion from missing you terribly as well.

“I love you, kitty, so much,” he sighs, “I wish I was there to take care of you and wipe your tears away.”

“Come here,” you whine even though you know it’s not possible.

“I wish I could but we’re in Madrid right now, sweetheart.”

“It’s a lucky place,” you mumble. You attempt to dry your face with the corners of his sweatshirt that still smells like him.

“Do you have water and Advil by you, kitty?” he asks wanting to help in any way he can since he’s not physically with you.

“Yeah,” you croak. Your throat is filled with emotion and tears as well.

“Take it for me and I’ll talk to you until you fall asleep, okay?”

“‘kay,” you breathe and do as he says. You snuggle in closer to his pillow.

He tells you about the city and the people and all the colors, promising to bring you there one day. You’re both hurting and missing each other so much but promises of being reunited helps dull the ache a little.

“I love you so much, kitty,” he tells you after he hears your soft snores on the other end. “Goodnight, my sweet girl.”___________

@galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3

#michael blurb #michael x reader #michael fluff #michael clifford blurb #michael clifford fluff #michael 5sos #drunk!sos

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years

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It’s a kind of magic tour pt.3; Queen x reader

*Author’s note*

Okay guys this is the last part of the chapter. Now for this part it does get pretty angsty. Now I’m using some personal stuff that happened within Queen at the time, esp. with Deacy. But I mean NO DISRESPECT. I wasn’t born so I can’t tell exactly how Deacy reacted during this tour, so I filled in the blanks myself going off by some interviews with Roger when he talked about Deacy during this tour. So beyond that not really any other warnings except the normal things.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@psychosupernatural

@waddles03

@ixchel-9275

@platawnic

@geek-and-proud

@queendeakyy

@simonedk

@kairosfreddie

@onebigfangirlworld

@naturalswifty89

@starswin

@dj-lowkey

@isabella-bby

@labessieisallama

@5sos-wdw

@bohemiansweede

______________________________________________________

*August 9th, 1986. Knebworth Park*

It was the final show of the Magic Tour we were back home in England performing in Stevenage, but oh god, things have been—strained as of lately. I don’t know when it started but at this point it looked like the guys were just ready to explode and rip either each other or anyone who made one teeny-tiny mistake.

‘So you seriously don’t know what’s going on?’ Jack asked me.

“If I did I would tell you. But all four of them are on edge, especially Deacy. He’s been completely out of character lately. I’ve never seen him so pissed off or drunk so much in my life.”

‘Have you tried talking to him? I mean he is practically your brother.’

“Jack you’re not listen! At this point he’s like Old Yeller when he got rabies. Like back in Madrid, when Queen’s new pianist Spike asked Deacy something the next thing I saw Deacy literally kicked his own AMP down and stormed off. Completely totaled the thing.”

‘Shit.’ He muttered. ‘What about the others?’

“Freddie’s always tired and strained after every show that he just snaps at everyone, Brian seems distracted by something and Roger…..well Roger’s managed to break another TV set in his hotel room.” At that point I heard a crash from the room next door and I said, “Make that three. The hotel manager’s not gonna be happy about this.”

‘Well just think of this baby, after tonight you’ll be home and I’ll pamper you till the New Year.’

“I know. I’ll just be happy to finally get my long hiatus break and spend time with my husband and daughter.”

‘I know she’ll be happy to see her mum again too. And thankfully you’ll be home for her 1st birthday.’

“I know, god I can’t believe she’s gonna be one year old in just three months.” I sighed in awe.

‘Time flies so fast.’

“God I just wish for this tour to be over. I need to see you two.”

‘We want you here too, babe. But come night fall, you all will kill it as usual and then you’ll be home.’ I nodded.

“Well I better go Jack. I love you, give Kelly a kiss for me.”

‘Will do. Love you too (n/n).’ we both kissed the speaker of the phones before we both hung up. Unlike any other of the hotel’s this one had some pretty thin walls so I could hear the wreckage Roger was causing on the room to my right while on the left I could hear Freddie snapping at someone through the walls.

‘LOOK I DON’T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT HOW LONG IT TAKES JUST GET IT DONE!! DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN’T DO!!!’ it was then I collapsed to my knees and held my hands to my ears, having flashbacks to when Johanna and Graham would argue constantly.

Why can’t tonight just get here fast enough? That way we can just celebrate and finally be done with this hellish tour. Then for the first time in a long time, I went up to my bed and pressed my hands together.

“Mum, dad. I—don’t know if you can hear me. But…..this tour seems to have turned the guys into wild animals. The last few weeks have been hell since after Budapest, if you can…..just give me the strength to carry on until tonight. I would greatly appreciate it.” I then decided that I had to get away from the noise.

I locked my hotel room up (since apparently the place had been known for break ins. Of course we didn’t know that till someone from one level above me had his wedding band stolen). I walked towards the back deck of the hotel but as I passed the bar there I saw Deacy sitting at the bar as he’s done in the past with a drink in his hand and his head lying on the bar.

“Unbelievable.” I muttered as I walked up to him. “John? John Richard Deacon!” he groaned and looked up towards me. “You do realize we’ve got a show to do in seven hours right?”

“Would you stop nagging at me? God that’s all you women do is nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.”

“Well sorry if I care about my brother so much! But I’d rather have Queen’s bassist be healthy and oh yeah sober during a performance. So that way he doesn’t fall flat on his back and kills himself!”

“Tell you what. Why don’t you just mind your own damn business and just focus on nagging your husband. After all he’s just the stay-at-home dad with your daughter.”

“Don’t you dare bring my family into this John! Ever.”

“God you sound like my wife.”

“Good, at least one of us does.” I sneered angrily.

“LISTEN! YOU DON’T GET TO DICATE MY LIFE! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH!” He shouted at me as he rose up, albeit wobbled up, but he got into my face. The stench of cocktails breathing right into my face.

“John I’m worried about you, what else am I supposed to do?”

“FUCK OFF!” John said as he stormed off with his drink.

“FINE!!” at this point I don’t even care if we ended up making a scene at the bar. I brushed my hand through my hair as I tried to keep the tears at bay before storming out.

My breathing was sharp and heavy, it was then I dug through my purse and picked up a pack of cigarettes. I took on out and I brought it up to my lips before digging for a lighter. When I found it I began to try and ignite but it wouldn’t light.

“Since when did you take up smoking?” I turned and saw Brian standing beside me. I dropped the lighter back into my bag and took the cigarette out of my mouth.

“Was thinking about today. This was my breaking point.”

“You referring to your fight with Deacy?”

“You heard that?” I asked softly.

“(Y/n) dear I’m sure all of Stevenage heard you two.” I sighed heavily and buried my face into my hands.

“I’m sorry Brian I’ve tried to hold it in together for you guys but this is all too much! The arguments, the loudness, the drinking, the homesickness, I just can’t take it anymore!” I sobbed.

“Okay, okay, shhh. Shh.” Brian hugged me close to him and rubbed my back. “C’mon, let’s head into my room.” He kept his arm around me as he led me back inside and the two of us went up to his room.

“Call me crazy or even a worry-wort. Hell, call me a hypocrite even because I did think that even through your arguments you guys always seemed to pull through. But now, just…..after Budapest it’s like you all don’t want anything to do with each other anymore. And I don’t know who to turn to because you all are so angry all the time.” I whimpered as I felt Brian’s fingers stroke through my hair as I lay on his lap.

“You’ve been our neutral ground throughout the tour, guess we’ve finally spent you out. Forcing you to take a side or force us apart. One curse about being a guy is the testosterone that makes us flare and bark at each other. You didn’t need to be exposed to that.”

“No Bri I get it. You all have your tempers and you all are adults. I shouldn’t even be crying about this.”

“No (y/n) you emotions are valid too. This isn’t just a Queen tour, it’s Queen+Angel. We’re your family and I know some of this arguing and verbal abuse is bringing back memories for you.”

“Yeah, especially with Fred’s tantrums and Roger smashing the TV.”

“Are you kidding me he destroyed another one?” I nodded. He sighed heavily and he said as he had me look up at him. “I’m sorry love. You really don’t deserve us.”

“I just wish this tour would end so that you all could go back to your loving selves. The ones I can talk to. The ones that aren’t trying to drink themselves to death, or destroy public property.” He stroked my cheek, wiping away my tearstains from the corner of my eyes.

“I know. I hate that our ugliness is really starting to get to you. We never wanted you to be exposed to that.”

“But it’s the rock star life. Hell you saw me about to smoke, and you know how against it I’ve been.”

“Just be thankful you weren’t trying coke or heroin. I’d…..we’d never forgive ourselves if you went down that road.” I sat up from his lap and sat close by him, wrapping my arms around his, my hand lying on top of his and he said.

“I think I can agree with the guys when I say after tonight, we’re all gonna need a break from each other. Just….go out, decompress, be with our families. Just have a little break from each other.”

“I’m starting to think that would be best too.” His arm came out from between mine as he wrapped it around me, placing his hand on top of my head, gently scratching through my scalp in a calming way. I felt him kiss the top of my head while I wrapped my arms around him and just clung to him and buried my face into his chest.

As the hours ticked by, we were all now at the Knebworth stage going over soundchecks and practicing our cues. I made sure to keep as far away from John as possible since I could tell he was still a little shitfaced, it especially didn’t help that his roadies kept making him cocktails behind his AMP.

“You okay love?” I heard Roger ask me. He sat down beside me on the stage with his drumsticks still in hand.

“I don’t even know at this point Roger. I’m really worried about John. Has he said anything to you?”

“I wouldn’t know, even if I would ask him he’d just turn and walk away from me. Starting to piss me off.”

“Enough to toss him off the stage?”

“I think he’ll do that himself with the way he’s drinking.” He chuckled but I didn’t even crack a smile. When he saw that his joke didn’t make me laugh, he wrapped an arm around me and he said. “Did he say something to you?”

“It wasn’t entirely his fault. I went up to him earlier this afternoon when he was down at the bar already shitfaced and we got into a little tuff with each other. Not physical touching mind you, just drunk/sober shouting’s at each other.”

“Yeah, Brian did mention something. And hey, I also came to apologize for what you must’ve heard this morning. I was just incredibly pissed off this morning at seeing some news that I thought was absolute bollocks that I couldn’t take it anymore. On every, fucking channel they kept talking about the same thing over and over and over again.”

“What was it?” I asked.

“Ohh nothing you need concern yourself about darling.”

“Dad I’m 24 years old, I’m not an idiot. Now tell me.”

“God I can never hide anything from you nowadays. Okay, it’s just rumors spreading about Freddie. Just about the stories Prenter once leaked to the press back when Fred fired him. They’re really milking his party life and drug usage.”

“Jesus H. Christ. They got nothing else to live for do they.”

“Not unless it revolves around a juicy gossip chain just to up their paycheck.” I leaned against his shoulder and I felt his head rest on top of mine.

“Leeches they are.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself love. And hey, you know I’ll always love you right?”

“Yeah, of course I know.”

“So never be afraid to come to me again okay, my little lion cub?” I smiled softly.

“You got it, just promise you won’t toss a TV in front of Kelly.”

“I swear that girl will never see my ugly side. Nor shall you.” He leaned his forehead against mine, nuzzling it like a lion would his cub. My smile grew a little wider as I nuzzled him back, our noses rubbing against each other.

“Oi you two! I get your father and daughter and all that but we could use you both for the rehearsals!” Freddie exclaimed ruining our moment.

“I swear I’ll kill him.” Roger hissed.

“Dad please.”

“I know, I know.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and the two of us stood up and we walked towards the guys with an arm wrapped around the other.

As the sun began to set, I could hear the fans already starting to pour into the park. Their cheering and screams of excitement could be heard from behind the stage. I was currently putting on the finishing touches to my makeup before finally just looking at myself through the mirror.

And boy did I look like shit. Guess this tour didn’t just change the guys, but me too. I looked absolutely knackered, there was hardly any life in my eyes left, I looked practically dead, both inside and out.

“Just pray to god this show goes well and that there are now fuckups.” I grabbed my Red special and headed out of my dressing room and onto the stage, my team surrounding me and putting on final touches to my face, outfit or handing me some water bottles. When I met up with the guys, we hardly spoke a word to each other, only just gave each other pats on the shoulders or arm.

Then as always the boys charged right for the stage and the show began.

Same routine, same scheduling, same songs just like we’ve done for this entire tour. But after we performed Radio Gaga, I was standing right behind Freddie and John, right on the lower drum riser’s set and just as I came down I was forced to stop because the next thing I knew, Deacy took off his bass and literally threw it towards the AMPS and broke them before charging off stage.

I stared at John with mixed emotions of anger and shock. I turned to Freddie who looked at me but he came up and we walked out to change our attires for the second part of the act. God I really wanted to confront John about this so badly, but we only had a few minutes to slightly change our clothes before going back on stage, so I thought it’d be best to leave it for after the show.

When the concert finally concluded, as Fred and I began the last verse for “We are the Champions” as we both sung out the second to last line, it was then Freddie turned towards me and gestured for me to take it just like it was back at Live Aid. Again I shook my head and gestured for him to take it but this time the look in his eyes told me to take it. I took a deep breath and held out the last note leaving the guys to rock out.

I shook the tambourine into my mic as I backed away from the stage and soon Freddie came out once again adorned in the king getup. He raised his hand in the air before taking the crown and raising it high. When it was finally all over, and the crowd roared with applause.

“Thank you beautiful people. You’ve been a tremendous and special audience. Thank you very much, goodnight, sweet dreams. We love you.” Freddie spoke as we all came down center stage and waved goodbye to the audience as “God save the Queen” came up and I could hear the audience singing along to our national anthem.

Just as I began to walk away, I felt Fred take my hand and what struck me as odd was when he bestowed the crown upon me this time, it wasn’t just a one hand-silly type thing. This time he held the crown in both his hands and placed the crown on my head, like I was actually being crowned a Queen. He had a brief smile before getting down with his left foot forward and kneeled before me.

I smiled and knighted him thinking this was just another one of his acts in honor for the final day of the tour. After knighting him he stood up and we waved goodbye to the audience once more before finally walking towards backstage. As we all gathered around in Freddie’s dressing room, the three boys seemed hyped and ready to go to the after party.

“That was amazing!” Roger proclaimed as he came up and spun me around in a backwards hug. “And you my dear killed it out there tonight!”

“You were indeed the life of the concert (y/n) dear.”

“Well I mean I can’t take all credit. You guys helped out.”

“There’s no Queen without our Angel,” Brian said.

“And no Angel without her Queen.”

“Alright you guys it’s party time!” Brian and John all proclaimed in agreement before Roger said, “Freddie you in?”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be right there. I’ll join you in a moment.” Freddie said completely exhausted as he sat down and wiped his face with his towel.

“You alright Fred?” Brian asked.

“Yeah Brian I’m good. I’ll see you out there, I’ll be right behind you.” And with that the three boys all piled out of Fred’s dressing room one by one leaving me, Freddie and Jim alone. I turned to see Jim sit beside Fred and place a hand to his back and I said.

“You sure you’re okay Fred?”

“Of course I am darling. C’mere.” I walked up to him and he took my hands in his and looked up at me with a praiseful look in his eyes. “You my darling, were a star tonight. Seems the Angel has finally surpassed her mentor.”

“No I didn’t……”

“I’m not saying it as an insult. That was literally your best performance ever. Always perform to that level my dear, if not better in the future.”

“Freddie where is this coming from?” I asked him. I was starting to get a little concerned about him. Just the way he was talking and saying these things it’s almost as if he’s—well he’s about to die or something.

“Just the ranting of an old man dear, nothing you need to worry about. Pretty soon you’ll be doing that to the next artist you inspire. Maybe she’ll be your intern that you’ll help make into a rockstar.” I softly laughed.

“Don’t know if that’ll happen.”

“Now go on and enjoy the party. You’ve been needing a chance to finally kick back and relax after the morning you had.”

“Let me guess, Brian told you.”

“And Rog might’ve drilled about giving you an apology for my shouting’s earlier today.”

“I may stay for an hour or two, then I think I may just head home.”

“No, no darling please stay for the boys sake. Maybe even talk to Deacy about what you went through at the hotel.”

“I doubt he’ll listen.”

“You’re his sister from another mister darling. Veronica’s hardly talked to him and what he needs right now is the second most important woman in his life.” I looked at him and saw him giving me the tired but still sweet puppy dog eyes.

“I’ll try to talk to him.”

“That’s my darling angel. Always looking out for her boys.” He said as his left hand reached up and stroked my cheek.

“Oh here’s your crown back.”

“Nah you keep it darling.”

“You serious Fred? It belongs to you.”

“Not anymore, I bequeath it to you now.”

“Are—are you serious?” he nodded.

“Keep it. And please keep it on for the entire party. Less of course you want to break my heart, and I’ll be sure to have Roger send me pictures whether you keep it on or not. If you don’t then you and I will have a serious conversation.” I laughed softly.

“Okay, okay. Thank you Freddie.”

“No (y/n) my love. Thank you.” He stood up and kissed both of my cheeks and then hugged me. I was surprised at first just because of the suddenness of this. And this hug wasn’t like his pervious hugs before. This was a more—longing hug. The kind of hug that people give to one another when one’s going away to war or saying goodbye. “Keep performing my rock angel. The show must go on.”

“Okay Fred.” I said wearily as I hugged him back. “But I’ll still see you for Kelly’s 1st birthday right?”

“Darling I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He said as he separated from me before gently pushing me towards the door. “So long as you and Jack come to my 40th birthday party.”

“I think we can make it. I’m sure mum and Misha wouldn’t mind babysitting Kelly.” I turned back to Freddie and he softly smiled before nodding very softly, then I walked out of his dressing room.

At the end of tour party, I was hardly in the party mood because my sole focus was to find one specific member of Queen. I looked over the crowd of roadies, volunteers who signed up to be apart of the tour and help out for the entire summer, dancers, and everyone far and between that decided to come along.

It wasn’t until I came outside of the building where I found John sitting all alone looking forlorn and out of it. I looked at him before taking a deep breath in and softly exhaled out. I slowly walked towards him and said as calmly as I could.

“Deacy.” He brushed his hand through his curly hair before turning up to look at me.

“If this is another attempt to lecture me, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“I came by because I care about you. And I wanna clear the air after what happened earlier this afternoon.”

“I think what you actually mean to say is that you’re trying to baby me. Like everyone else has been lately. I’m fine just—going through some shit right now but I’m dealing with it!”

“By what? Drinking yourself till you can barely remember anything? Till you eventually what pass out?”

“See this is exactly where you and Veronica are soo much alike.” He hissed. “You both try to put your noses into somewhere where it don’t belong!” God he really could be a cold hearted King of Quick-wits if he wanted, but at this point he was going down the road where so many people including Freddie went down.

“God I don’t even know why I try!?!” I exclaimed standing up. “I’m trying to be the adult here John!”

“Just so you could what? Tell Veronica about what’s been happening to me since a week after we left Budapest? Don’t thing I don’t know you’re snitching off to them!”

“No John! No.” I said as I turned away trying to compose myself. “I do this because…..YOU HAVE 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN BACK HOME AND THEY LOVE YOU!! THEY LOVE YOU SOO DAMN MUCH!!” I exclaimed, pointing at him aggressively. I sniffled and sobbed out, “And I don’t want them to go through the same pain I did of losing their dad!”

Silence rang between us as I turned away from him covering my sobs behind my hand.

“(Y/n), sister dear, sister dear no, no, no calm down, calm down, calm down. Hey,” he came up to me. I felt his hands rest on my shoulders but I turned my head away from him.

That’s when he turned my head back towards him and cupped my face in his hands, and this time instead of the harsh eyes, I was met with the broken, yet warm eyes that was my Deacy.

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting like a—bastard to you. It’s just…this tour has been so stressful, there’s things going on back at home and I couldn’t be there so I….I was forced to resort to the only way I knew how to deal with things. In silence by the bottle.”

“And I get that Deacy. We’re all going through some shit.” I said lowly. I looked up into his eyes and whimpered, “But from one orphan girl think about it….if you were to overdose after tonight, where would that leave your kids? Your wife?” even through my own tears, I could see tears forming at the corner of Deacy’s bloodshot eyes.

He immediately hugged me, resting his head on top of mine as his arms wrapped around me and I felt him stroke the back of my head. I sniffled a bit before continuing.

“No matter what it takes, paying for AA meetings, or me walking out of your life for a bit. All I ask is that you do one thing…..don’t make those three wonderful boys and that sweet little girl fatherless!” I pleaded the last part as I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face.

He brought me back into his chest as I softly wept into his chest. He rocked me from side to side and said.

“Okay, okay I will. I just…..hope Veronica forgives me.”

“If it were me and Jack, I think he would eventually. But don’t push her away. You’re each other’s swans.”

“That a—thing you and Jack call yourselves?” he teased.

“It’s romantic don’t tease!”

“No worries. When—Ronnie and I first started dating I….I called her my penguin.”

“Penguin?” I laughed softly.

“They’re her favorite animal don’t tease.”

“I’m not.” I wiped my tears away and looked up at him and he looked down at me. “What do you say you and I ditch this party and go see our families?”

“I wouldn’t mind that. Plus it’d give me time to sober up on the drive and make it up to my sister dear.”

“I’d like that.” I hummed a chuckle. “Very much, brother mine.” He then kissed my forehead and the two of us with a wrapped arm around each other walked back inside to find Brian and Rog and tell them we were gonna go ahead and go. They accepted and wished us a safe drive but not before giving the two of us hugs on a job well done (well I got both hugs and kisses but that’s just Bri and Rog).

Play video at 3:00

I called my driver Louis to come pick us up and he drove us from Stevenage back to London. By the time we reached Deacy’s house it was already 1am. We hugged and kissed each other goodbye and Deacy walked out with his stuff in tow on his way up to his house. I saw him ring the doorbell a few times before the light from upstairs came on.

It was then I saw Veronica open the front door and when she saw her husband standing there, she looked stunned. I saw Deacy talk to her for a bit before she finally embraced him and the two of them kissed each other. As the two of them swayed back and forth and moved around till Ronnie’s back was turned towards me and I saw Deacy look directly at me.

He gave me a smile and a wave in thanks. I smiled back and waved bye to him and watched the two of them enter the house.

“Okay Louis take me home.”

“Can do ma’am.” He said with a smile. Thankfully traffic was on our side so it about 40min. to get there. Finally at 2 in the morning I was greeted by the sight of my home that Bri so kindly gave us after Kelly’s birth. Louie stopped the car and he said. “We’re home Mrs. Kline.”

“Thank you Louis. You are more than welcome to spend the night here if you wish. Lord knows Bri had plenty of bedrooms installed.”

“Thank you very much ma’am.” He turned off the engine and he helped me with my stuff. We both quietly walked in the house and I just told him to leave the stuff near the front door and that I could get it later, while I kept my overnight bag over my shoulder.

“Sweet dreams Louis.”

“Goodnight Mrs. Kline, sweet dreams. And what a wonderful performance you played tonight.”

“Thank you.” I then directed him to one of the guest rooms and he bid me one final goodnight while I quietly walked up the stairs to the main bedroom.

When I walked in, I saw my husband sleeping soundly in the bed and there just at the foot of the bed was baby Kelly in her crib. I quietly set my bag down and walked towards the crib and smiled down at my sleeping daughter. I kissed my index and tall fingers before gently placing them on her cheek.

She softly stirred as she cooed but then she just went back to sleep. I then turned to Jack and walked up towards the bed and slowly sat down before finally lying down. As carefully as I could, I nuzzled his chest and snuggled close to him, humming tiredly. I don’t know whether it was subconsciously or he must’ve been awake for that split second, but I felt Jack’s arm wrap around my waist and pull me close.

A soft smile spread across my face as I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.

It was at that point I was truly happy. Deacy’s lyrics never rang more true, the ‘I’m happy at home’ line, it speaks a thousand words. I was home, and I couldn’t wait to stay home for a long hiatus.

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daily5sosupdate · 5 years

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5sos- // TONIGHT IS OUR LAST SHOW OF THE MEET YOU THERE TOUR // MADRID, LET’S MAKE IT A LOUD ONE //

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos twitter #meet you there tour #19 november 2018

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cashtonwoah-blog · 6 years

Text

Ashton Irwin, A Million Miles, Part 3

I finally got around to writing this part! Sorry it sucks, enjoy!

*beep beep*

I could hear machines around me beeping. I attempted to crack open my eyes, and was met by an unpleasant bright light. I attempted to lift my head, but felt dizzy as my head moved from the pillow.

" baby don't move" I could hear someone say to me softly beside me. I attempted to lift my head again to see who was speaking, but felt an incredible amount of pain. I decided to shut my eyes, feeling tears fill them. I could faintly see a shadow casting over my eyes. I opened my eyes, and was met by a Hazel eyed boy staring at me.

"Ash?" I mumbled.

The boy sighed deeply, smiling as he looked at me.

"Y/N, I'm glad you're okay".

"What happened? I remember we were eating breakfast, then we argued and then I went back to the flat an-" I mumbled.

"You had an asthma attack. A serious one" Ashton interrupted. "I managed to get into your apartment just after you collapsed and carried you here to the hospital".

"Oh" I mumbled. I looked up at my surroundings, and all of a sudden felt stiff, like I couldn't move my body.

"They put your neck in a brace just in case, I heard you collapse as I ran to your apartment stairs, you hit the glass dining table as you fell" he said.

"Am I gonna be okay?" I questioned, feeling scared.

"You're gonna be just fine, kid" he replied, smiling and running a finger along my cheek. "Look, about what happened, I-"

"Ash, just forget it. Yeah you hurt me, but maybe we should just let it go for now, at least until I'm out of here" I replied sighing.

"Okay" was all he could reply.

************

"Welcome home Y/N!" I heard the other 5SOS boys scream as you entered the flat. I looked around, and could see all of the boys with their girlfriends, plus gifts and food on the table.

"Thanks guys, but you didn't need to throw a party because I live another day" I laughed.

"We're just glad you're home safe" Calum spoke, handing me a card signed by all the boys.

"We've bought you food, we'll leave you both in peace to chat" Luke said softly, not making eye contact at me. I could feel his awkwardness around me. Ever since our last conversation, I'd chose to ignore him. He was supposed to be my best friend and he didn't ever tell me when my boyfriend cheated on me. I didn't know how I was going to forgive him. All the boys and their girlfriends left the flat, leaving just Ashton and me.

"So" Ashton sighed awkwardly.

"Yup" I replied, sitting down on the couch.

"Listen, I really want to talk to you about what happened" Ashton said, looking directly at me. My eyes scanned to the floor, feeling anxious to hear what came out of his mouth next.

"Okay" was all I could manage to say. Part of me wanted to know exactly what happened, whilst the other part didn't want any thoughts associated with it.

Ashton took a deep breath, walked over to me and sat on the sofa next to me.

"It was after a show in New York. We'd just played a sell out arena and was feeling amazing, but I felt low because you weren't with me. I sat looking at the other boys who got to share such a special concert with their other half's, but not me. I decided to get stupid wasted, drinking copious amounts of beer, vodka, champagne, you name it. It wasn't until I stood up I realised how drunk I was. I stumbled over to the bathroom, and met some girl in the corridor. She was wearing one of our merch tops that was ripped on her chest. She asked me to sign her chest, which I did".

I clenched my teeth at the last part.

"She then pushed me into a corner, wrapping her arms around my neck, asking if I was single. Me being so drunk and wanting this girl to get off me, I said yes. She then proceeded to kiss me, and wouldn't get off. I then pushed her off me, and stumbled back to my apartment. I walked in the front entrance and saw her, the fan. She then invited her self in, and, um, well-"

"I think I can guess what happened next Ashton" I spoke, standing up and walking to my bedroom. I could feel my eyes beginning to form with tears, knowing what this girl had done with him. I felt sick. Yes Ashton had cheated on me, but this girl took him when he was vulnerable. I walked back into the room, and was met by a sobbing Ashton on the sofa. I walked over to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his back in a hug. I cried onto his shoulder, unsure what to say.

"Y/N please don't think badly of me. I'm so fucking sorry for everything I put you through because I ended it, but in truth I just couldn't face anyone".

"Ashton" I sobbed, not wanting him to continue talking. All I could do was embrace him, stop him from feeling upset.

"This so called fan turned up at another one of our after shows, but this time I was sober. Luke however wasn't, and decided to throw his entire drink over her and kick her out, as well as blacklist her from every party, event or concert. I'm just mad at myself for letting her do this to us. I'm so sorry".

********

"Fuck sake Ash!" I could hear Luke scream at the other side of the field. I laughed from the side lines, watching the boys play football. We were in Madrid, and 5SOS had just played a gig in the city. I decided to join the boys on tour, to clear my head following the past few months. Ashton and I had decided to take some time apart before the tour, to allow ourselves to both mentally heal. Now on tour, we felt stronger than ever.

"Y/N come in goal!" Calum screamed at me, beckoning me over to the pitch. I laughed, running over to the goal. On Calum's team was Michael, Crystal, Sierra and now me. On Luke's team was Ashton, Andy, Mitchy and Jack, Luke's brother. I watched steady from the goal, unable to track where the ball would go to next. I laughed as Ashton tackled Calum hard, making him fall to the ground.

"HEY, foul!" I shouted from my goal.

"Shut up Y/N, stop pretending you know the rules of football" Mitchy shouted.

"HEY don't talk to her like that" Ashton laughed, roughly tackling Mitchy to the floor.

******

I sat round the table, pouring myself another glass of wine. Ashton had requested to take me out for dinner tonight, and I couldn't decline. The restaurant was a beautiful small place with fairy lights everywhere, just along the beach front.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry I put you through everything recently. It wasnt my intention to hurt you." Ashton said sadly.

"Ash, as I've said to you before, it's all OK. You don't need to keep apologising." I reassured him, placing my hand over his, giving it a light squeeze.

"We're good, right?" Ashton said.

"Of course we are babe, now eat your dinner, don't let it get cold" I said, taking another sip of my wine.

#5sos #5secondsofsummer #luke hemmings #5sos imagines #ashton irwin #5sos fanfic #5sos3 #calum hood #michael clifford #ashton 5sos #calum 5sos #michaelclifford #5sos imagine

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