#the famous eight *still* weren't and they NEVER WOULD BE

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

BoCo and Bear have this unique look they exchange. Not every day but like once every month or so—whenever there is extremely predictable drama going down at Tidmouth.

It's a wordless "Can you believe this shit?" / "No, somehow, even after forty years, I cannot quite believe this shit."

#i was going to call it 'omfg more steam engine shit' look but that's not fair #because this exchange of glances gets an extra-vigorous workout every time a Rude Visiting Diesel is about #but to be fair it's time to shine is *also* when everyone is singing the tunnel song or joking about backing signals or somethin #i say 40 years because it took them a while to realize it's always just the same ten arguments rehashed #and it took 'em *even longer* to realize that although *they* were now tired of it #the famous eight *still* weren't and they NEVER WOULD BE #ttte #the railway series #ttte boco #ttte bear #ttte headcanon #i excluded oliver because he doesn't repeat himself #like he fucks up and causes drama frequently but the boy keeps it fresh #and donald and douglas are usually givin' each other the same look asdfkl;dfs;l (but they are MUCH less subtle about it lol) #sometimes the caledonians and the diesels can even mix-and-match in a pinch! #(you know what that is? GROWTH 💚)

[nientedenada]

Five Skyrim Lore Facts You May Not Know!

And unlike some of the clickbait videos on Youtube, these ones are absolutely true. Let me address some of the most common lore confusions I regularly see. As a Listicle, because why not? (It's easier than writing out long lore posts.)

The Blades never served the Mede Empire. Martin was the last Emperor they served. They then devoted themselves to looking for a new Dragonborn and working against the Thalmor. Titus Mede I created a new organization called the Penitus Oculatus, which handled all intelligence and security for the Mede Dynasty. The Penitus Oculatus has been the official Imperial organization for more than 175 years, while the Blades have been an independent force. It makes the Mede decision to outlaw the Blades a lot easier to understand if you know they weren't their employees at all. The Blades were loose cannons they couldn't control.

Ysgramor didn't destroy the snow elves. The stories about Ysgramor say he and his 500 Companions showed up in Skyrim, killed or sent the snow elves into exile, took all of Skyrim, and then wandered over to pick fights with the neighbours. In reality, the Falmer weren't completely driven from Skyrim till the reign of King Harald, thirteen generations after Ysgramor. In the interim, there was a whole Dragon cult and war, culminating with Alduin being flung through the time wound. It's a long period. The real Ysgramor definitely clashed with his snow-elf neighbours but he's accumulated the stories of hundreds of years around his mythic name.

The Companions haven't been a Nord-only organization for a very long time. You might think that a bunch of warriors venerating the legacy of Ysgramor and his Companion would be Nord only, and that was probably true way back in the First Era. But by the end of the First Era, the Companions had boasted both a Redguard and Elf (Altmer or Bosmer) Harbinger. Cirroc and Henantier are some of the most famous Harbingers in the history of the Companions. We're in the Fourth Era now, so if you're playing a non-Nord, you're following in a long tradition by joining the companions. (As is Athis.)

The Imperial Legion didn't win back most of Cyrodiil in the Great War. People often ask why Titus Mede II agreed to the harsh peace of the White-Gold Concordat after his army had destroyed the Dominion army in Cyrodiil and taken back the Imperial City. But that's not what really happened. The Legion destroyed "the main army". Other Aldmeri armies are mentioned in Cyrodiil. After Red Ring, the Dominion still occupied Anvil, Skingrad, Bravil, and Leyawiin. "The Great War" doesn't say that any of these cities were liberated. Put those territories together and you'll realize the Empire never got back its coastline or the Niben river. Titus Mede made his deal while the Dominion still occupied half of Cyrodiil. Maybe he could have won if he'd pushed on, but his decision is a lot easier to understand with this context.

The Bretons Don't Worship Talos. This is one of my favourite lore bits to explain. Talos is not a god in TES II, Daggerfall, though he is a historical figure, Tiber Septim. He's only introduced as a god in Morrowind. So, a lot of people assume that he's been retconned into the Breton religion, like he was into the Nord/Imperial religions. This is not true. In both Morrowind and Skyrim, the book Varieties of Faith in the Empire does not list Talos/Ysmir as part of the Breton pantheon. They worship the Eight (and sometimes Y'ffre, Magnus, and Phynaster), as they always have. Tiber Septim is an important historical figure whom some Bretons regard as one of their own, but he isn't an official god. I love this tidbit because it makes the White-Gold Concordat absolutely brilliant. One remaining province, Skyrim, gets all upset while High Rock wouldn't care. Cyrodiil is presumably somewhere in the middle. It's a perfect way to drive a wedge among the provinces. (Hammerfell's left the Empire, but for the record, they don't worship Talos either.)

#tes lore #niente lore #Skyrim #tesblr #a bunch of my favourite non-obvious lore facts

[creedslove]

DIAMOND RING 💍

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro reflects on the biggest mistake of his life: letting you go

Warnings: angst, age gap, insinuations of cheating (open to interpretation), no happy ending

A/N: don't be tricked by the name of the story, this is a sad one and no happy ending

1.6k words

If someone asked Pedro what was his biggest regret in life in an interview, he would probably make something up just to please the media and he could get away with the answer.

But if his friends or family asked him about that… well, they wouldn't even need to ask the question in the first place, they all knew his biggest regret was letting you go.

You'd been his for four years, four of the happiest years of his life, yes he wasn't that famous, and he certainly didn't have as much money as he did now. But the two of you were happy.

He was older than you, by almost more than twenty years and your family wasn't thrilled to see you fresh out of college with a guy much older, but you didn't care. You loved him with all of your heart. He was handsome, sweet, he had a beautiful soul and it didn't matter if people talked about your age difference. It was not his fault Pedro had fallen for someone who was younger and it wasn't your fault you had fallen for someone older. Despite the odds, you were meant to be.

Pedro could never get his hands off you, he'd never been more turned on before. You and him would spend the whole weekend in bed, just exploring each other's body and making plans for the future.

He always dreamed about making it big and you believed blindly he would reach his goals. You supported him through his jobs, some of them were bigger and some paid better, but it was still not what Pedro had dreamed of.

He would hold you tight at night and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, including promising you once he got a big, well paying role, he would buy you the biggest diamond ring he could find.

You two would burst out laughing at the idea, but you enjoyed closing your eyes and daydreaming about that. Not because of the money, of course, you didn't care about it at all. Of course having a comfortable life was good, but you two had already had that. You lived together in a decent apartment, you and Pedro managed to pay the bills and there was even some extra cash to travel here and there. Not to mention how happy you were, you had each other and that was the most valuable thing in your life.

Yet, you daydreamed about the ring, not because of the diamond, but you daydreamed about what it represented. Pedro, on his knees, offering you that symbolism of a life together, a marriage, maybe kids, your future together.

But not everything was a bed of roses.

And no matter how much you loved Pedro, you felt upset each time you were seen together on the streets and he said you were nothing but a friend. Pedro always explained he wanted to preserve his personal life, and you weren't against that, you knew that even if he weren't that famous yet he was already photographed on the street, so you figured once he reached fame it would be worse.

But it still stung to be addressed as a friend only, as if you were his dirty little secret. Good enough to be his girlfriend at home, but not enough to be his girlfriend in public.

Whenever you saw him getting ready to hit a red carpet or a public event your heart clenched at the small amount of envy you felt. You often wondered how good it would be to be all dressed up and dolled up to follow him to premieres. Walk around movie starts, watch all sorts of releases before everyone else, but you always got the same answer whenever you asked Pedro if you could come: you'll come with me the next time, sweetheart.

Also the long shooting schedules took a heavy toll on your relationship, Pedro was always all around the country, sometimes abroad, up to six, eight months shooting in latin america.

You trusted him blindly, but sometimes your insecurities got the best of you, he worked with so many beautiful women, met actresses, models, and all sorts of gorgeous girls while you were back home. Sometimes a picture or two would surface with him and the cast, or him and another woman smiling, but to anyone who asked, Pedro would say the same he did about you: it was just one of his friends.

As the years went by, you saw your friends moving on, growing mature and taking steps to adult life. Less parties, less clubs, and engagements, weddings and baby showers were the places you would mostly see them. You were so happy for them, but you couldn't control that tiny little jealousy seed growing within, as it seemed everyone was evolving and you were stuck. You loved Pedro with all of your heart, but you began wondering if he loved you just as much.

When Pedro got the Mandalorian role, you thought your chest would explode out of love and pride, knowing he had worked so hard for decades, he had done his best and had to overcome so much, so you got his favorite bottle of wine and headed home after work.

He was already there, he had just got off the phone with one of his sisters and smiled at you. It was a nervous smile, but you didn't even care, you ran to his arms and hugged him tight, burying your face into his neck and looked up at him. You tried kissing him, but he stopped you.

"I got something for you" Pedro said and asked you to sit down.

You obeyed excitedly and curiously, watching him attentively.

He sat next to you and cupped your cheeks "I got something for you, but you gotta promise me you will let me explain and you won't interrupt me" he asked gently and he got the small box out of his pocket, showing a beautiful, elegant ring. The diamond was big and sparkly and you couldn't believe your eyes. It felt like you were invaded by a bunch of butterflies flying around your whole body.

"Pedro…" you whispered, already tearing up, your heart racing to the point you could hear your blood pumping through your ears.

"Shh, let me speak, Y/N" he asked.

"I always promised you you'd get one of these when I finally got a lot of money, because you deserve it as you've always been with me, supporting me, and I'll always be thankful to you for that" he looked into your eyes and caressed your cheek.

"But we can't continue doing this, Y/N. I love you, but I can't give you what you want. You want a husband, kids, a house with a white fence and that's just not me, that's not who I am and what I want for my life. You're incredible and I want you to take this ring to remember our times together" he swallowed hard and hated to see the disappointment in your eyes, how they swelled up with tears and you sniffed before crying.

You couldn't believe what was happening. Pedro was dumping you now his career was about to kick off, after all the time you supported him now you weren't good enough for him.

You looked at the ring and shook your head throwing at him

"I don't want this fucking ring, fuck you Pedro!" You yelled at him and exited the living room.

You never looked back.

Another four years had passed and your lives took opposite turns, Pedro became a real superstar, to the point it was nearly impossible grabbing your phone without seeing something about him and his career.

You hadn't spoken again, but you still followed each other on Instagram. You saw his posts but pretended you didn't. And he did the same with you. He watched as you evolved into a beautiful, mature woman, but never made any interaction with you. He wondered if you ever missed him like he missed you everyday.

He'd had many friends over these last few years but none of them got as nearly as you did into his heart and as much as he hates admitting the truth, his heart did break a little when you made your new relationship official. His breath got ragged and his anxiety spiked when he took a look at your boyfriend.

He was the complete opposite of Pedro.

Your boyfriend was tall, blonde, had piercing blue eyes and was way younger than him.

Pedro tried ignoring it, let it go, he reminded himself there were hundreds, thousands of women who would just about anything to sleep with him, and yet, that thought didn't make him feel better.

It didn't matter what he tried to do to distract himself, that feeling was still in the back of his throat, burning and making him uncomfortable.

He thought it wouldn't be worse than that, but then it was, when less than a year he'd seen your post, you made another one to announce your engagement.

In the picture, your now fiance held you as you both showed your hands to the camera, making it possible to see the ring. Pedro sighed and went to his nightstand, getting the small box he'd kept after these four years and saw the ring you refused.

His was more expensive and more beautiful, but your current ring made you happy, because it wasn't just about the price or the size of the gem. The ring you carried now, was given by another man, another man who could give you something Pedro never could and never wanted.

He was going to give you a family, while Pedro only wanted to have fun. That was the difference between them, and luckily to you, you'd picked the right man this time.

_____

A/N: reader's boyfriend face claim is Lithuanian actor Rihard Lepers because I have the hots for him as well xD

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal headcanons #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal angst #joel miller #javier peña #javier pena #rihard lepers

[theblue6ook]

The Young Years

Summary: This is a prequel to "Shit Interview" in the “Out of My League” series. Read about Bruce and Y/N as troubled little kids. What about their struggles make them work? (Hint: it's their troubled past.)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

a/n: Also, that “eventual slow-burn” is for when they are ADULTS, don’t be bringing the kids into this. There is also blood, death, and annoying children in this fic. You've been warned. [Eventual slow burn with Bruce]

Loss [B(8) Y/N (6)]

They weren't dead immediately.

Bruce stood and watched as his father, proud and tall, rocketed towards the ground. He heard his head crack against the concrete and saw the hole in his chest. He watched his unconscious father choke and gurgle until his chest rattled. One. Last. Time.

He heard his mother scream as one of the bullets ricocheted into her ribs, but his mother... oh, his mother. She fought. Blood poured out of her, hands grasped her neck, and shook off her jewelry; she didn't care. She threw herself onto the sidewalk, wide-eyed and stubborn. Her fingertips dug into the concrete, her nails bled, and she crawled to her son. She choked and spat and crawled. Bruce stood horrified. Eight years old, he stood petrified by the back entrance of the theater.

They weren't dead immediately.

It's a common misconception. It happened so quickly. By the time the theater workers had rushed out to the sound of gunshots, Martha was half delirious. She might as well have been dead. But she wasn't, and Bruce knew that. He would never not know that.

-

Y/N’s bottom became numb against the hardwood steps. The raised wood was cold- my god- it was so cold, and yet she still wouldn’t move. She couldn’t move. She had to sit, staring at the open screen door. Maybe she’ll come back if I sit here long enough. In her heart, she knew she was wrong. She had just wanted a glass of water; she didn’t mean to catch her mother halfway out the door.

Y/N hadn’t even made it down the stairs when she looked out and saw her mother, luggage in tow, walking out on them. One. Last. Time. She stood on the raised wood stairs, a small hand gripping the handrail, and said nothing. Her mother stood in the open doorway, looking back at her, and said nothing. But the look she gave Y/N… it was clear. She would never see her mother again. But maybe… just maybe, if she sits here long enough, she’ll come back.

Name [B(10) Y/N (8)]

Bruce didn’t want to be here. He didn’t understand why Alfred insisted he continue going to Gotham Academy. For the past two years, after what happened to his parents, he had switched to at-home tutoring. Not that he really felt he needed it. He was breezing through the material. He used knowledge and learning as an escape from his parent's death. Every topic he dominated. Every lesson was child's play. So it didn’t make sense to him why he had to come to school today. Alfred kept telling him, you need to have some normalcy. You need to be with kids your age.

I’m not like kids my age anymore. They can’t relate to me. They can’t understand what I’ve been through. It makes him so frustrated. 

As he walks through the hallways, people whisper about him. Is that Bruce Wayne? I didn’t think we’d see him back. Did you see what happened to his parents? It made him sick. It made him angry.

He decided to head to the office. He needed to leave. He can’t do this anymore. The bell rang, perfect timing. The ladies in the office sympathize with him. That’s one thing about having famous dead parents; you get away with anything.

As students were making their way to class, he noticed Bobby White barrel his way through a small girl. Her books went flying. Students filtered out of the hallways, and she just stood there, her hands in little fists. Her knuckles were white. 

He could just walk down the hallway and leave her, but it’s like his mother nagged him in the back of his head, be a gentleman, Brucie. So he quietly walked up to her and leaned down to pick up her books. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She whipped around, surprised to see him, and mumbled, “Yeah.”

I should just give her back her books and go home, he thought, looking over at her. She rubbed her eyes and looked embarrassed. Oh no, here was that nagging again, be a gentleman. He glanced down at her books, room 301. Not far from where he was supposed to be right now.

He silently sighed to himself, “It looks like you're going to 301, I have a class in 304. I can take you over there.”

He barely heard it, but she had whispered, “Okay.” 

Delicately, he held her hand to guide her down the hallway. He was grateful she didn’t ask for his name. He was even more grateful, it didn’t seem like she knew who he was. I don’t care to learn her name anyway, I’m sick of people talking about mine.

-

“I think I’ve heard of the L/N family. Is your dad in oil?”

“No… I really don’t think you would. I’m from the west side.”

“Like by Monolith Square?”

Y/N sighed and mumbled, “Like the Narrows.”

“You mean you’re by Crime Alley?!” Why does this keep happening to me?

Who is your family? Where are you from? Would my daddy know yours? This is the fourth conversation today Y/N was getting tired of this. 

Two years ago, before her tragic passing, Martha Wayne attended Gotham Public Primary Schools for a fundraiser. She made a huge donation for in-school tutors and offered students in lower-class communities the opportunity to take the Gotham Academy entrance exam; if they qualified, she would pay class fees. Y/N scored so high she ended up getting a full ride. She finished out her last year at Gotham Public and recently transferred. It was a nightmare.

Y/N started getting frustrated. She was rushing to pull the books out of her locker to get out of this horrible conversation. “I don’t know if I would say we’re that close to crime alley-”

“How do you even get to school? Don’t tell me you take the bus!” He giggled until the bell rang. Then, knocked the books out of her hand as he started to run past her. Over his shoulder he shouted, “Got to get to class!”

UGH. She couldn’t even remember his name and she didn’t want to. Y/N thought going to school farther from home would be good. It would get her away from things. It would help ease her thoughts on her mother's disappearing act. Soothe her mind on her father's alcoholism. Give her a break from watching her brothers. It turned out to just be another chore. 

“Are you okay?” Y/N turned surprised. She hadn’t even noticed the tears that started to blossom in her eyes or the boy who reached down to pick up her books. He looks older than her, maybe by a couple of grades. 

“Yeah,” she sniffled and rubbed her eyes. 

He looked down at her books as he tucked them into his left arm. “It looks like you're going to 301, I have a class in 304. I can take you over there.”

“Okay,” she almost whispered it. He took her hand and guided her through the hallways. She never asked for his name, and she never knew who he was, but it didn’t matter. I don’t care to learn his name, I’m tired of having to explain mine.

#bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne #batfam #batman #batmom #batboys x reader

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Orange is the new black? 🧡🖤

Thoughts on the colour orange in the TS universe

I've had some thoughts on the increasing number of orange things over the last few months and what they might mean. This is most definitely a work in progress, so please add to it with your own ideas and observations.

(Orange is currently not a colour associated with any TS album, for clarity, the colours are: Debut-green, Fearless-gold/yellow, Speak Now -purple, Red (self-explanatory), 1989-light blue, rep-black, lover- pink, folklore-grey/silver, evermore-brown (though white is also used in eras tour colours), midnights-navy blue)

The first prominent appearance of orange was in the LWYMMD mv: The prison jumpsuit in the golden cage and the door in the vault during the heist scene.

A person in a cage and a vault within a vault - makes me think orange represents imprisonment. Orange is the new Black was a very popular (and very queer) TV show about female inmates back in 2017. But in Taylor's case it was black (rep) is the new orange 😉

Since then we have seen orange appear on the Man wall, and all over the Eras tour visuals. Let's go chronologically. The Man mv came out in 2020 and gave us this famous wall:

There's the word karma in black in the middle, and in orange at the top at 12 o'clock. Orange and black again. But we are not aware of an album called Karma, so what's it doing on the wall amongst all the stolen album titles? I'm well aware of the karma album theory... was this something that was 'imprisoned' in 2017? Taylor does cut the wings off the plane and spray paints reputation on it...so, I'm in no position to say it isn't true. It might be. But if this was unreleased music, then I don't think it would have been part of the masters sale. It was never released by Big Machine so they couldn't have sold it. I have a different theory. The black karma is the process that ties all of these re-recordings together, her act of 'defiance' (as she calls it in the TIME article) against the man who bought them from under her. That's why it's in the middle, so karma 'comes back around' if you're going in a figure eight. And the orange karma at the top is a collective term for all the vault songs, that would never have seen the light of day/would forever have stayed 'imprisoned', if it weren't for the re-recordings. The fact that it's in a 12 o'clock position still has me stressing though, we've been counting down to midnight for over a year now and every time Taylor changes her socials back to midnights colours, we're reminded that the clock is still ticking. Will all albums/vault tracks be free when we hit midnight or is something else being released from it's cage?? There is of course, also the orange door that descends from the big screen during the Eras tour performance of karma, the very last song of the tour, that explodes into a kind of rainbow supernova when it hits the ground. Ideas on that one welcome, I've seen many but none of them have convinced me yet. Only in so far that it seems to indicate that whatever the orange thing is, it follows the midnights era.

I can't not mention the lover nail that changed from pink to orange in July on tour, but I still have absolutely no idea why that is. Of all the albums, lover was the first one to be owned by her so no clue why that one is now orange...Maybe the era that the masters heist happened. After all, that also changed a lot about Lover, including the title, some songs were replaced and she never got to wear her rainbow dress. But why not have it orange from the start then?

Something else orange that has recently been added to the Eras tour is orange confetti. I don't think anyone has confirmed when this was added, but here is the confetti as collected by people in April vs at one of the latest shows in November:

So, it seems something orange is definitely joining the ranks of the eras, but if that's something new or old...who knows. Something that would support the vault theory is the Spotify wrapped canvas, specifically this section:

There's the orange vault with golden glitter (fearless), leaves (red), purple fireworks (speak now) and seagulls (1989) coming out, so that's all the albums that have been freed from imprisonment so far. The rep snake (and what I assume are debut butterflies) are coming out of the cave underneath. Interesting to note that the woman monitoring the seismograph is also right above the vault, and above her is the person with all the clocks. The big mastermind clock is on midnight, and the full video shows us that when the clock strikes midnight, there is an earthquake/explosion, which may be what caused the vault to open, the clock person is certainly looking down towards it with interest. Something else I've noticed about the full canvas is that her lavender mountain seems to be 'melting away' like a glacier where the items are placed because they're all sitting on green grass, the only things that are actually coming out of the mountain are her head and her hand holding the burning house. Which brings me to the last orange thing: the fire.

‘Karma is the fire in your house’, right? 😉 The Lover house has been burning down since day 1 of the Eras tour, and I’ve already made multiple attempts at guessing why that might be and especially, why it’s burning with blue flames first and then changes to orange before it fully collapses. But I don’t think I got it right, because my guess was that blue meant 1989tv era, and so far, nothing’s been on fire. Or did I miss it?? If anything, she threw a flame into our little gaylor house with her poorly worded prologue… so it wasn’t 1989tv. The Spotify video actually zooms in on the burning house and we can see some of the items from the midnights house: the red phone, the retro sofa, and the chessboard that’s fallen off the table. So, does that suggest the fire is burning the midnights era? Possibly, but when Taylor’s TIME article came out, I noticed something else that stopped me in my tracks. I know we’re all waiting for reputation tv in the next few months, and rep is in fact the only re-recording she gives an explicit shoutout to in the article (along with the very rep-coded photo shoot), and this is what she says:

So much to say about these few sentences. Note how she’s being directly quoted here, so these are the words she used, no paraphrasing. And the one that stood out to me the most is the way she describes the rep vault tracks as „fire“. Out of all the words she could have used, when she’s been showing us open lighters and a burning house all year, she calls the rep vault tracks FIRE 👀. Like the fire that burns your house???

My English language graduate brain also wants me to point out the following about the way she describes reputation as a concept. (For those of you that weren’t around in 2017, reputation never had a rollout cycle or any promotion, it was the album that had no explanation, she never did a single interview about it, so this is kind of the first time she ever talked about it). Why rep is the ‘most charged’ era is probably self-explanatory, but she also says it’s an expression of ‘female rage at being gaslit by an entire social structure’. So, assuming it’s her rage, what is society gaslighting her into believing? Maybe that two female friends can’t possibly be a couple, no matter how much they act like one. But a woman holding a man’s hand in public, that’s a couple for sure! I think heteronormativity is the social structure she’s mocking here, so much of reputation (even the title) makes so much sense when you look at it from that angle. We all know that if you heard any of Dress or Gorgeous with your societal conditioning removed you’d expect it to be about a woman, but heteronormativity and Taylor’s reputation for being boy-crazy made most people assume that couldn’t possibly be the case. And those people just saw it (as Taylor says) for the ‘sick snakes and strobe lights’. And immediately after that she says that the upcoming vault tracks will be fire. Call me crazy, but for me that sounds like “Reputation was me blatantly writing songs about the woman I love, because I know you guys won’t see for what it is anyway because you’re so blinded by heteronormativity, but these upcoming tracks will burn your expectations, you won’t be able to ignore it”. It might be wishful thinking, but by logical progression of what she’s saying here, it makes sense. And if I know one thing, it’s that Taylor chooses her words deliberately.

And the movie reference…? Collecting horcruxes or infinity stones suggest there is a mission/end goal that she’s working towards with these re-recordings. Guess we’ll have to wait for the movie to see how it ends 😉.

Edit: Addition submitted, thank you anon!

#thinking out loud #about orange things #karma theory #maybe? #the eras tour #lgbetty

[pawnshopbleus]

Put Me in a Movie - Chapter Eight

Miguel O'Hara x Fem!Reader

Summary - You’re a famous actress and he’s one of the greatest directors of all time. What happens when you get cast in his new movie?

Chapter Seven

Sleep came to you easily that night. Adrenaline was still hot and heavy in your veins as your head hit the pillow. You still couldn't believe it. Miguel actually fought someone for you. If he was willing to do that then, was he willing to do anything?

Stella called you early in the morning. By that time, your phone was already blowing up with messages and calls. People asking for your side of the story, people wanting to know the details. You hated people like that, desperate for the latest celebrity news. Maybe that way their lives could feel less lonely. 

"Hello," you said on the phone, voice still groggy from sleep.

"There is no way in hell that I just had to find out from Instagram that Miguel O'Hara fought someone for you," Stella sounded mad. Not at the fact that you had people fighting for you, but at the fact that she had to find out drama from a second party and not you. Stella hated being left out.

"Sorry, Stella Bella, I guess I just forgot." Stella groaned at the nickname. Stella Bella was a nickname that you came up with a few years back. She hated it and you loved that she hated it. 

Stella then proceeds to scold you for the next twenty minutes using almost every curse word in her vocabulary (which was a lot.) She told you that you needed to be more careful. She said that you had a "tendency to act out under the influence." Stella was your friend, but at the end of the day, she still worked for you. You were not going to stand for this blatant act of disrespect. 

"Stella, if you're going to call me and attack me for something that I didn't have control of, at least make your argument interesting, " and with that, you hung up the phone. No 'goodbye' or 'see you later' in sight.

You felt bad, but Stella needed to learn her place. Yes, she was your manager and in charge of your career, but she had no right to talk to you like that. You often missed the funny and witty banter that found its way into your conversations with Stella, but lately, those traits were soon replaced with criticism and hate. Hopefully, she will realize her mistake and apologize.

Later that day on set, you found yourself put off by random things that used to bring you joy. Like Peter's stories about his wife and daughter or Jessica's presence. All you were focused on was what you said to Stella that morning.

Your demeanor did not go unnoticed. A lot of people on set noticed that you were sort of off today. They could tell by the way that your laughter didn't fill the room when Robert, the guy operating the boom, said a stupid joke. 

Miguel noticed that you weren't wearing your bracelet. It was a bracelet your mother gave you before she passed away. You mentioned in an interview once that you never leave home without the bracelet and that if you did, something definitely was wrong.

Miguel let everyone out for lunch early.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" Miguel asked you.

You nodded and let him guide you to a secluded spot. The action mimicked the one from last night. Your hand in his, guiding him to the dance floor.

"You seem off today," he commented.

"Oh, I'm fine, it's just something I said this morning." You told the truth, but that didn't mean it was the entire truth.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he sounded sincere. Miguel looked down at you, "I can't have my actors going around looking sad. There's work to be done, but if you have something bothering you then I need to know."

You contemplated telling him the entire truth. Would he look at you differently if he knew of the things you said to Stella?

You huffed. You were a grown woman and not to mention one of the greatest actresses of the century. You shouldn't feel sorry for yourself. It was your own fault for bridging the line between business and pleasure with Stella. She was a great person and all, but the only reason that the two of you met was because she saw your potential.

"No, nothing's bothering me. I just need to go and salvage a professional relationship. Other than that, everything's fine now." You thanked him for having that quick chat. You began walking away, eager to eat some lunch when Miguel stopped you. He placed his hand on your shoulder. His touch was light in comparison to the death grip he had on the man that called you bitch last night.

"I just wanted to apologize for last night," Miguel ran his hand through his perfectly styled hair, "I let my emotions get the best of me and I shouldn't have reacted that way."

Why the hell was he apologizing for sticking up for you? Maybe he felt bad because of how unprofessional it looked, but the two of you were dancing on each other seconds before the incident occurred.

Nevertheless, you smiled, "Thank you for the apology, Miguel." You left out the fact that you liked it, that you liked him. You liked the idea of Miguel protecting you. There weren't many things in life that you enjoyed. It was all becoming too repetitive, but he and Fern were the only two things keeping you from going insane. Without them, you were sure that you would have been on the long list of actors and actresses that died way too young.

You turned around once more and walked away. Miguel watched as you walked away and he couldn't help but sigh. At first, he wasn't going to apologize. Then he realized that that might be a dick move considering that his actions might have caused you discomfort or embarrassment. The last thing Miguel wanted was for you to feel those kinds of emotions.

Peter and Jessica immediately sensed your changing mood. The pep in your step was back and the sparkle in your eyes returned. You sat next to Jessica with your tray in hand and smiled at the two adults in front of you. You took your apple from your tray, threw it up with the left, and caught it with the right, giving them a show.

"Well, you sure seem happier," Jessica states matter-of-factly.

"I guess I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Plus, all my problems have solutions so no need to worry," you shrugged.

You needed to apologize to Stella and set professional boundaries. No talking about parties unless they were work events, no talking about personal problems, no gossiping like you were high schoolers, etcetera. And so you did, that night you stayed on the phone talking and devising plans with Stella on the way to navigate the future of your relationship. It would be hard considering your past, but the future is always something to look forward to.

"Glad to see you're all better." You'd received another text from another unknown number, but the number didn't stay unknown for long. This time, accompanying the text was a simple heart made out of a three, a less-than sign, and his name. A name so simple yet it was rich with meaning: Miguel.

You made sure to save the number this time. 

Chapter Nine

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x female reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel spiderverse #miguel x reader #fan fiction #spider-man: across the spider-verse

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Four - Part A

A/n: PLEASE READ!

The next two updates will come in parts A and B and are flashback chapters! SO there is nothing current happening, but they are really important to the story and have a lot of details which have been mentioned in earlier parts of the fic that weren't delved into. They're also incredibly long, this one alone is around 20k words, so just a warning! I love them though and hope you will too:)

Part B will be similar to A and will be out soon. Enjoy x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots of swearing as per usual, talks and acts of violence, mentions of abuse and implications of sexual assault, alcohol and drug use.

Masterlist

I groaned for what felt like the umpteenth time, arms crossed over my chest as I slumped against the brick archway leading to the townhouse's front door. My school shirt was probably all creased now but I knew mum would have a right fit if I walked back home to change- we were already running late.

“Vicky!” I shouted out again, growing tired of waiting. “I swear, if Cook catches us at the gates I’m blaming you!”

I heard a loud bang sound from above me and glanced up to find that the bane of my existence had stuck her horn out of the upstairs window. “Would’ya shut up with your whining, the neighbours will have my head if you carry on- oh, and tell me where I left my essay for Herrins last night? I can’t find it anywhere!”

She was dressed, which was as much as a shock as it was a relief, but seemingly had yet to sort her hair out which could prove to be problematic. “Christ, Vic! It’s on your dresser, remember? You stuck it between the mirror and your jewellery box so that you’d be able to find it this mornin'.” I told her, the sentence followed shortly by a mumbled sigh, “What good it did though.”

“Oh shit, yeah!” Vicky gasped and I watched as she spun her head back round and caught sight of the scribbled essay- exactly where I said it’d be. “Cheers, babe. Just be a sec!”

Then she was gone again. I chuckled lowly to myself and shook my head. It was always the same with her, never knew when she was coming or going, but she was loyal to the very end. And pretty much the only proper mate I had.

Vicky Taylor was practically my other half. We’d met in year three and I’d truly hated her at first. Seeing how she’d replaced Emma Alden, who’d moved down to Wales that previous summer, in the seat beside mine. 

She’d had this pretty pencil case too lined with glitter pens and a rainbow sharpener, I’d been so fucking jealous of it that I pretty much shrugged off any attempt she’d made at conversation. Up until Ernie Sutton came over at least, acting like the eight year old twat he was, emptying the contents of her pencil case all over the floor, only to then stomp all over it. I’d gone mental at him, taken the milk carton we’d all been handed and upturned it on his head. He’d stunk the whole day and Mrs Wilkins had been such a bitch about it, but Vicky, she’d just grinned a teary smile and nicked another carton from the trolley for me as a thanks. 

We’d been as thick as thieves since.

“She still not down yet?”

Pulling myself out of my reminiscent thoughts, I glanced up right into the eyes of Jamie Taylor, Vicky’s older brother who was in the year above us. He was leant up against the door frame, shirt half-untucked and with a lopsided smile on his face. Jamie was fit to say the least, every girl at school thought so, me among them, but he was off limits. Or I liked to think of it that way, like I'd ever have a real chance with him. Jamie only ever looked at me as Vic’s best mate anyway, 'it's like having another annoying little sister' he’d once said.

I rolled my eyes and put up the front I was so used to faking around him- never would I ever let it slip that I was in any way interested in him, least I’d be shunned from the Taylor household for the rest of eternity. And that was the very last thing I wanted to happen. 

“What do you think, smartarse? You’ve lived with her most of your life. When is she not running late?”

Jamie just chuckled, blue eyes squinting as the looked me over. “Still got five minutes before the bell goes.”

“It’s a ten minute walk, J.”

“Exactly, have to make a run for it then, wontcha?” 

I couldn’t hide the slight quirk my mouth made upon hearing his reply, but merely shook my head in turn. “Can’t, be late either way. Wanna stop in by the bakery before, ain’t had breakfast yet.”

He pursed his lips then and I regretted having said anything at all when he spoke up again, “Your mum-”

“Yup.” I cut him off and pivoted to stare off down the road, acting unbothered as I continued to wait for his sister. Though I guess I should’ve been used to it by now. My mum was always putting everyone else above me. Who cared if there weren’t enough milk in the fridge for me? Who did it hurt when her newest fling would sit himself down in my dad’s armchair and read the morning paper whilst starkers? Just count your lucky stars you didn’t get slapped about by this one! At least not yet.

“Look, Y/n,”

Never had I ever been so thankful for Vicky, who thundered down the stairs before he could get another word out and barged past Jamie to make it through the doorway, essay in hand. She grinned at me, “Ready, babe?”

“For the last half hour, yeah.”

She rolled her eyes at me, amused, then linked her arm in mine as she pulled us both down the garden path. I only glanced back once I heard the front door slam behind us to find that Jamie was still wearing that frown expression and following.

Vicky, you had to know, was one person that could talk forever. And I meant forever. If the Olympics ever decided that they wanted to implement an event where the only talent you had to have was to be able to speak for hours on end, then Vic would be the very first person the English Team would call. It was honestly tough to keep up with her at times, so most times I was pretty content to just listen.

She ranted the whole way to the bakery off of Lloyds Street, not allowing Jamie nor I to get a word in, and proceeded to question Old Man Langford who owned the small shop the moment she spotted him. I ordered my usual from the girl stood at the til, who wasn’t much older than us really, and Jamie prattled off his to her too before I could pull out my purse, already holding a fiver out towards her.

“Jaim-”

But my voice was cut off by Jamie calling over to his sister to ask what she wanted. A bacon sarnie and an orange juice. He nodded to the cashier who took his money with a shy smile and handed him back his change.

“I could have got mine.” I mumbled to him the second the girl got to work on pulling the order together.

Jamie snorted, “Think the word you’re looking for there, love, is thanks.”

I fish mouthed. Love. He’d never called me that before. Not once. And the singular word rewired my entire brain.

Jamie continued on talking though, none the wiser to my slowly crumbling interior, up until the girl at the counter handed him a paper bag and a to go cup we hadn’t ordered.

“On me.” She told him, flashing him a flirty smile. 

Jamie grinned and glanced back at me for a brief second. “Cheers.” He said and must’ve given her a wink or something in return because she flushed. I fought not to roll my eyes at the pair of them and picked the coffee cup out of Jamie’s hand before trailing my way over to Vicky and Mr Langford.

“Lovely to see you, Mr Langford! How’s Sheila?” I asked, smiling away even as I felt a pair of icy daggers burn into the side of my head. Old Man Langford smiled at me fondly and told me that his daughter was doing just fine, working hard in the city now, though she was due a visit, which made me chuckle before we wrapped our conversation up and all bid him our goodbyes.

“Oi, I think you’ll find that was meant for me.” Jamie commented as soon as our feet touched the pavement outside and the shop bell stopped rattling above us. 

“Hm?” I questioned, feigning confusion whilst still sipping away at the warm drink. The girl might’ve been a terrible flirt but she could make a decent cuppa. “Not sure what you mean.”

Vicky snorted whilst we started the trek up the big hill which led to the school gates. “She’s always popping in something extra whenever he goes in there." She said, "Fancies the pants off him, mum claims.”

“Can you really blame her?” Jamie smirked just before he stole the cup back out of my hands, gleeful eyes finding mine when he took a large swig. “I mean, have you seen me?”

I narrowed my eyes and pinched at his hip, startling him enough to allow the cup to slip free from his hand without much of a fight. 

“Oi!”

“Every man reckons they’re God’s gift to women. What’s so different about you then?” I quipped, loving the way Jamie’s gaze lingered on me as I took a sip from the cup we’d shared. He was walking backwards now, just in front of Vicky and I, head turning back every so often, school bag slung over his right shoulder as he fought to defend his honour.

“I’m the real deal, me! The whole package. What girl wouldn’t want me?”

I rolled my eyes but almost choked when Vicky laughed outright and gave him a snarky reply.

“Y/n, for one. So jump down off that high horse of yours, J, you’re no David Beckham.”

I giggled at the vengeful glare Vicky received in turn. If only she knew.

“Take that back!” Jamie spat with a pointed finger, though he was wearing a mirthful smile. He combed a hand across his hairless chin and gave us a pouty pose, “Beckham lookalike me. Just wait, I’ll be playing for United one day.”

“So you say.” Vicky laughed before turning towards me with a conspiratorial grin, “Dad says he’ll be lucky to work in the grocers after the results he got on his last exams.” 

“Vicky!” 

The girl merely cackled when her brother drove her back with a shove, “What! It’s true, ain’t it?”

Jamie merely huffed and rolled his eyes at the girl, not glancing my way as we continued to walk on. The gates weren’t too far, could see the spikes which sat atop them now.

“Swear, you boys are all so touchy.” Vicky murmured with a sly grin she couldn’t quite hide.

Jamie sneered at her, contradicting it by flicking her arm playfully. “Yeah, and you girls are all so annoying.”

“Oi.” I cut in, still happy to just sip my tea whilst they bickered but unable to let that slip. “I’m a delight, thanks.”

“So you are, Darlin’. So you are.” Jamie grinned at me and jumped around Vicky to lay a loud and sloppy kiss to my cheek.

“Jamie!” Vic shouted, slapping his bicep and shoving him away from me as soon as she got the chance. Jamie laughed loudly in response, shooting me a wink as he dove further from her swinging arms. “I’m so sorry, babe.” She added when she turned to me, then glanced back towards Jamie with a wrinkled nose, “God, you are such a prat!”

But I just waved her apology off, forcing the butterflies I’d felt flutter deep deep down as I took another long sip. Jamie waggled his brows at me whilst Vicky just huffed, then continued on with whatever she’d been saying, something to do with Mr Langford’s wife.

I watched him quietly and cocked a brow of my own, he was skirting around all sorts of lines here, ones I couldn’t quite decipher. He smirked and there was something more to it, something I couldn’t make out.

We made it through the gates soon enough and I was thankful for it- although we were nearing half an hour over first bell. Jamie nor Vic seemed to care though, the latter only just starting in on her sandwich.

“Who’s the new lad?” Vicky suddenly asked then, mouth half full, and I followed the direction of her gaze to find a lad wearing headphones slumped against the low brick wall outside the main office. “He’s sorta fit, don’t you think?” She commented, tilting her head as she took him in.

He was, sort of. But I could make out much of him, he was slouched in his position and had a horde of dark blonde curls hiding the top half of his face.

I hummed my confirmation, eyes watching him from over the top my cup. Jamie scoffed.

“He can barely even see what he looks like with all that hair, how can you two?”

My mouth tugged upwards on its own accord whilst Vicky snorted at her brother. “Says you, who spends the better part of an hour in front of the bathroom mirror each mornin’.”

“Ha.” Jamie replied with a forced smile.

I shrugged, interrupting the two. “Hair’s what makes him fit, J. Those curls are proper lovely.”

Vicky grinned around another mouthful of bread, “Ain’t they just? I wanna run my hands through it.”

“Bet he’d appreciate the bacon grease.” I teased her, but was inclined to agree. 

“Oh, he’d love it!” Vicky retorted, rather loudly and with a laugh that made me chuckle too. Jamie just rolled his eyes at the pair of us as we all waltzed towards the English block. 

“You two are dead blind.” He told us, fiddling with his own hair now.

“Ah, don’t worry, Taylor. You’re still number one in our hearts.” I appeased him with a mirthful grin, which made Vic cackle loud enough for anyone near to hear. Which unfortunately included Mr Cook.

“You three! Late again, I see!” The deputy head barked as he came storming out the main building towards us, “My classroom this lunchtime. Be there or it’s a suspension- that means no footie, Jamie Taylor.”

Jamie’s jaw ticked but he nodded, “Sorry, sir.”

“Good lad, now get to class.” Mr Cook demanded, hands on his hips as he attempted to corral us through the school's doors. As he did though, my eyes found an unfamiliar pair observing us from not too far away. I smirked at him when he realised he’d been caught and waved before ducking behind the heavy entrance doors.

— 

It was the last place I wanted to be. But here I was, making my way over to the library where Mrs Trench, my maths teacher, told me I could find the tutor she’d since assigned me.

It wasn’t as though I was thick or nowt. I wasn't. Just maths made my head hurt sometimes. Enough to have made my marks drop by an unreasonable amount. 

I was alright with the numbers bit, the multiplying and the dividing I could do quicker than most off the top of my head. But then they just had to go and add letters. And that had fucked me right up, hadn’t it. 

I huffed to myself at the very thought of it as I trudged my way through the empty halls. School had already let out and I was still stuck here whilst Vicky and the rest of the girls were set to head off into town later on- there was a new record shop that’d just opened up and everyone was buzzing to see if it was worth the wait.

The library doors creaked like they always did when I pushed through them, as old as everything else in this forsaken place, and the librarian glanced up at me through her oval glasses when I walked by the counter. We shared our usual nod, having started somewhat of a routine by now. She was an alright woman, let me camp out in the classics section when I was skiving off Pe and didn’t bitch when sung quietly to myself. So, better than alright, I supposed.

But this school was a wasteland, most days you actually had to goad the teachers into teaching you properly. Although some were worse than others, but a lot of them just wanted their pay check at the end of each month.

Mrs Turner, my maths teacher, wasn’t amongst them though, she was all about the marks, having the best test scores. In truth, she just wanted a raise, had been trying for one ever since I’d joined. That was the only reason why she’d set this whole thing up. 

I knew who I was looking for when I walked in. He was a lad in Jamie’s year, so only a year older than me, but his face was well known seeing as the boys he hung about with tended to stir quite a bit of trouble when they pleased. Jamie had also mentioned his name once or twice in passing, they were mates, but not overly friendly. J tended to stick close to the other lads on the football team. So I knew who he was when Mrs Trench had given me his name on a piece of parchment. 

I caught him sat in one of the far tables in the very back, head buried in a book ‘reading’ but his foot was a dead giveaway to the fact that he had no clue what he was even looking at, tapping away to some sound or other. I spotted the wire to his mp3 as I approached and smirked down at him.

“Oi.” I startled him, using a deep voice to mimic that of Deputy Cook’s. The lad jumped out of his seat as his head snapped up towards me, almost dropping his mp3 in the process. I grinned at the reaction, withholding a chuckle as I looked him over, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself when I saw you. I’m Y/n, Mrs Trench said she spoke to you about helping me out in maths?”

The boy just laughed, looking a lot less tense now that the threat of Mr Cook had rapidly disappeared. He didn’t seem all that annoyed by the childish trick as he looked up at me either. “She did. I’m Adam, by the way. But most people just call me Hann.”

“Yeah? Why’s that then?” I asked him as I took the chair opposite and grabbed my textbook form my bag.

“Dunno. Just always been that way I suppose. Helps that it’s my last name too.” Adam told me with an easygoing smile.

I chuckled, “Seems so. What do you want me to call you then?”

“Either, I don’t mind.” He retorted with a small shrug, wrapping his mp3 up and tucking it back into his blazer pocket. “You’re Jamie’s mate, ain’t you?”

Jamie’s mate… I didn’t know about that. Jamie tolerated my presence I guessed, when I was hanging about with Vicky or staying round his. Though we had spoken here and there without her around. Mainly just teasing when we’d pass each other by in the halls, or stopping to talk when our lunchtime tables intertwined. 

“‘Spose.” I answered him, “So you any good with maths then, or is it all talk?”

Adam didn’t seem to mind my answer, nor the swift change of subject, merely laughed lightly and got to talking about the topic. We started off on the easier tasks of the lot, which I made progress on pretty quickly, then we tried our luck at the different theorems there were. I quite enjoyed his company honestly, he was witty and funny in a way that most lads weren’t. He could joke about and then be serious without it being so black and white.

By the time we’d spent a couple of our Wednesday afternoons together, he invited me out ‘round to this small party one of his mates was throwing. Said I could bring a friend if I wanted. And so I’d gone, only because Adam had hastily become a new friend. He hadn’t shied away when we saw one another around school, approached me in the fields when he’d spotted me to tell me about this new record he’d found and reckoned I’d like, and even walked home with me some days after last lesson had ended when our other mates were busy or had detention.

The small party really had been just that. A nice little gathering of about fifteen or so people just mulling about in the garden of some big fuck-off house Adam’s mate supposedly lived in. I’d brought Vicky along with me, but lost her the second she’d spotted a mutual friend, although I was ultimately saved by Adam who gifted me a massive smile when he saw me. He greeted me happily with a beer in hand and took me off to get a drink of my own whilst we chatted away about this new album that’d just been released. 

It was that night that most things changed for me, because it was that night that I properly met Adam’s friends, or his ‘bandmates’ as he called them. Ross and Elliott were already halfway to drunk when we were first introduced but Ross tugged me under his arm once Adam had given him my name, claiming that he’d been looking for a new best mate, seeing as his old one had been driving him mad. And I’d just gone along with it, perfectly content in his playful company. 

Elliott had been alright too, he’d spoken with us for a bit before some girl had caught his eye and the pair of them had wandered off to some place dark. Adam’s good friend Matty though was the one that really caught my attention, because how could he not? He’d come bounding over to us, all dark curls and this massive shit-eating grin on his face, he’d had a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth and, without a care in the world, had plopped himself straight down in my lap. 

Matty was loud, eccentric, but oh so lovely. Even though he could be a bit of a pretentious twat at times, too stubborn for his own good really, I still found I rather enjoyed his presence. It was miles different to what I was used to. 

He seemed to like me alright too, or so I believed, but only because of the way he'd gone off on Sam McKinnon when the lad had wandered past us, the spat had made me realise rather quickly that you’d definitely know if Matty didn’t like you.

We’d spent the rest of the evening laughing and passing drinks around. I got to know the lot of them rather well, and so, when I claimed that that had been the night that things changed for me, I wasn’t lying. Because afterwards, the four lads seemed to take me under their wing, even when I passed my maths exam and Adam no longer had to tutor me. 

Vicky didn’t seem to mind it much either, me wandering off with them, seeing as she’d just started dating Tony Watts, who was far too into himself for my taste though he drove his own car. And the boys, although a year older, became a bit of a lifeline for me. I bonded with them in ways I hadn’t with Vic. It was just so different with them and we’d all clicked so instantly that it was hard to even verbalise.

It was actually a couple months after I’d finally gotten settled into my new found arrangement of friends that it had all begun to shift again. Elliott, it seemed, had other priorities, he’d formed a band of his own long before the other boys had even thought of trying out one of their own, and had gotten busy with it- as well as his longtime girlfriend. So once the guys had realised that they were now a lead singer down, Matty had stepped up and away from the drum kit to take over. A smart move if I do admit, Matthew Healy was not meant to be boxed behind a rowdy instrument, and seeing him up front and centre only proved that. He preformed up there.

So what with Matty being frontman, that meant that the drums now had no owner. Matty had tried to make it work for a short while, but it just didn’t sound the same, too much going on for it all to fall correctly in time. And so the lads decided to ask about, look for someone who might fit in alright with the rest of them.

It was me that found that person though. Which was surprising, seeing as though most would believe that I’d be the last person you’d expect to do so. 

It had happened on a Tuesday morning actually, it’d been pissing it down outside but the guys had all wanted to head on out to smoke a fag behind the shed before next lesson. I’d passed, preferring to stay dry rather than get a quick fix. So I’d just dropped them off by the back doors before wandering back the way I’d came, down by the music block.

I’d paused the second I’d heard it, the rapid hit of a drum. I’d gotten far too used to instruments since hanging about during the guys’ band practices to not know something good when I heard it. And this, this was unlike anything I’d heard the boys play before.

I stood there, outside the door to music room 3, for a short while, just listening. Before the sound had slowly dwindled out, forcing me to push my way through the room’s only entrance and exit.

The music rooms were typically quite small, most people used them on days like today to mess about in, or hide from the hordes of people acting like dickheads. Music room 3 was where the school’s only drum kit was housed though.

As I forced my way inside, I halted at the unexpected sight that greeted me.

“Um.” The room’s only occupant mumbled in surprise.

“You’re the new boy.” I immediately stated, staring down at the curly haired lad I’d seen earlier in the year that one morning I’d been late.

“Um.” The boy said again, causing me to frown.

The door closed swiftly behind me as I stepped further inside, his eyes darted towards it, “That all you say then?”

He looked back at me, narrowed gaze stuck on me now, and as he tilted his head I took note of the drumsticks he held in his hands. “No.”

“Oh so just the two then?” I teased and was relieved when he cracked a small smile. “You’re sick by the way,” I complimented, “Hope you don’t mind but I was listening outside for a while.”

Shock seemed to colour his expression as he glanced between me and the door.

“I heard you, just as I was walking past.” I explained, fingers reaching out to fiddle with the cymbal’s metal edge. “You’re good. Really good.”

“Thanks.” He murmured, still looking unsure about my entire presence.

I grinned in turn, “Where d’you learn to play?”

“Seattle.” He said.

My brows lifted in surprise, “Like America?”

He hummed his ascent.

“Wow. What’s it like over there?”

I’d never been, but Matty had. He’d said it was brilliant. Wanted to live out there one day, buy a big house with enough rooms for us all. 

The lad shrugged. “Different. Louder, I guess.”

Not much of a talker. Or maybe just, shy?

“Cool. Um so, I actually might have a reason for barging in here…” I admitted, looking up at him from under my lashes. 

He quirked an eyebrow in retort, but otherwise remained silent. 

This music business was already proving to be difficult.

…

I’d invited the lad round to Matty’s that same afternoon, knowing that they’d already arranged a practice session there. 

I’d simply just torn a bottom corner from a page in my sketchbook and written down the address, told him to meet me there at five if he felt like playing something proper.

I hadn’t even caught his name honestly, let alone gotten an actual answer as whether or not he’d come. But I was hopeful. This band meant everything to the guys, they worked so hard and got so much out of it, and if this kid could really play the drums they way I thought he could and was down to join then it would definitely set them apart from the rest.

I was sat on one of the beanbags Matty had set up in the garage when the boys slowly trailed in after me one by one, Hann tinkering with his guitar strap, Matty with a drink in hand, Ross wolfing down the last of Denise’s shepards pie.

Matty approached me first, throwing himself down onto the large cushion beside me, kicking his legs up over my knees. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Hm?”

“I asked what the matter with you was.” Matty repeated, nudging my shin with the toe of his trainer as he drawled his sentence, making out like I was slow. I scowled and flicked his calf.

“Sod off, would you?”

“Ooh, touchy today, aren’t we?” Matty snickered, paying no mind to my ever narrowing eyes whilst he sipped away on his can, “You on your period or summat?”

“I swear to all heavens, Healy. Just ‘cause a girl won’t give you the time of day, doesn’t mean she’s on her period!” I huffed with a roll of my eyes. Fucking boys, I swear.

“Nine times out of ten it does though.”

He cackled when I thumped his thigh, all too happy to have gotten a rise out of me. But that was just Matty, and the way we often worked.

Since meeting the guys, I’d bonded with them all in different ways. Adam was the one I'd tend to drift towards for conversation, to chill and just be seen- if I ever needed a problem solving then he was my man, always there to help. 

My feelings towards Ross resembled that of a little sister's, we bickered like nothing else but laughed louder than most whenever we were together. If anything were to happen to me I knew he’d be the first person at my back, defending me to the very end. 

Matty and I though, we just connected on a whole other level. I was the Bonnie to his Clyde. Constantly in and out of each others pockets, and forever causing mayhem. He’d quickly become my best friend- though I’d never admit it to him. We shared a similar likeness that most didn’t typically get. I could tell him absolutely anything and knew he wouldn’t judge me, and he’d always be there to pick me back up whenever life kicked me down.

We were almost always together, even with the year difference in school, enough that most believed that we actually had something going on. But we didn’t. Never had. And although our dynamic was different to that of Ross and I, I was quite sure that it would stay that way. Matty was a ladies man through and through, a player of sorts- though he made it well known to anyone who asked. He had too much energy to be confined to just one person, one relationship. Me on the other hand, well, I’d never gotten very far with anyone really. But I knew that I’d want something more than just a quick shag here and there, or a secret affair shared with a handful of others. I wanted dates and flowers, late night talking and someone to simply sweep me off my feet. I think deep down Matty understood that too. It’s why we worked.

“Come on then.” Matty prodded my side, relaxing effortlessly in the beanbag beside mine. “You gonna tell me what’s got you so worked up then or what?”

“’S nothing, Matt.”

“Don’t give me that.” He retorted, rolling his eyes at me before he started routing around in his jean pocket for something or other. “Got a joint on me if you want it. Might mellow you out, babe.”

I inhaled slowly, I knew that I’d been on edge the whole walk back to Matty’s, but had tried to hide it as best as I could, especially when I saw that Denise was home. But it’d been a struggle. The guys were counting on someone to pull through for them and I wanted so badly to help. It’s why I had yet to tell any of them about my earlier encounter, fearful that if I let it slip and the lad was a no-show that I’d be to blame.

I was used to burdening the blame. But never with these guys.

I blinked back to the present just as a prerolled joint dangled above my nose, I snatched it up quick and settled back into the seat before Matty could rescind the offer.

I knew better than to ask Matty for a light though, he was forever losing the daft things. Besides, I’d taken to carrying round one of my own for a couple years now. It’d been my dad’s. 

I pulled the old metal lighter out from my back pocket and flicked it open. It was one of those hefty ones, sterling silver and with a hinged lid. This particular one had a slight dent in the side that my dad had always claimed protected his own father from taking a bullet to the hip. My grandad was from way down south, the east end mainly, and had apparently been involved in all sorts. He’d gotten himself locked up four months before my dad was actually born though, and had only really met him once he’d turned fourteen. 

They were both gone now. Six feet below and buried in soil. Though my nana was still kicking about, only she lived in London so I didn’t get to see her all that often. Only whenever mum grew sick of me, I supposed.

I lit the joint with a practiced ease and let myself relax as I drew in a lungful.

“Oi, sharing’s caring and all that.” Ross said from across the room, mouth still full of minced beef.

I snorted in amusement, “Yeah when you’ve finished eating, maybe then we’ll talk.”

“Rude.” He grumbled and when I laughed, Matty took the opportunity to take a drag himself.

“Thought you said I could have it?”

“Sharing’s caring.” Matty mimicked Ross and I rolled my eyes, unable to hide my small smile.

It was in that next moment that my life really did change though, because it was that moment that things truly started to shift for me.

A knock sounded from over by the garage door and in a simultaneous motion we all seemed to glance our heads towards it, honestly expecting to see Louis grinning cheekily and wanting to get involved in our antics like he usually did. Everyone was surprised by the unfamiliar visitor that stood there though.

I coughed up the hit I’d just taken, honestly having anticipated the lad to have stood me up. He’d been far too quiet when we’d first spoken that I’d figured he’d bail out before the boys could give even him the time of day. But he’d really surprised me. I couldn’t help but grin at him once my coughing fit had died down.

“You came!”

“Figured I’d see what’d happen.” The lad shrugged in reply, sharp eyes on me before they surveyed the rest of the room, roaming over the guys’ faces.

I jumped up out of the beanbag, throwing Matty’s feet off my lap to go and properly greet him. A little proud feeling swelling in my chest. If this worked out then the boys would forever be in debt to me. 

Hann was quick to snap out of his shock too and he put down his guitar to join me, jerking his head in greeting.

“Alright, mate. I’m Hann.”

“George.” The lad replied, nodding a hello of his own.

“Shit! I didn’t even ask your name.” I winced, giving the boy a sheepish smile. One that had his own mouth twitching ever so slightly. “I’m Y/n.”

“I know.”

I blinked, unsure on how to reply to that. But thankfully Ross had bounded on over to meet the newcomer. “Ross.” He grinned, holding out a hand like a weirdo. George hit it though, and the two of them shared an odd ‘bro-ish?’ sort of handshake that I’d never come to understand. Did all men just have a universal greeting installed in their heads the day that they were born?

“George.” The lad repeated and I really took in his name that second time around. It suited him. Bit long, but it would do.

“And that twat in the corner is Matty, our main singer.” Ross went on to say, gesturing over to where Matty was still sat sprawled on the beanbag. I rolled my eyes at him but was mostly just thankful that Ross had put down his third helping of dinner to come and say hello.

“Oh, so that’s what this is then?” George questioned as he glanced over at me, not even phased by Matty’s dickish tendencies and having been flat out ignored by the twat.

I gave him another impish grin before turning to face the room, wanting all the boys’ attention on me now. “Well, you see, George plays the drums, yeah?” I revealed slowly, hoping they’d quickly catch on, “Like, plays them really really well.”

George’s cheeks were a little pink when I peered round at him, but he didn’t seem all that embarrassed by my compliment or the ambush of questions that immediately followed my little introduction.

And in the next instant, Ross was beckoning George on over to where the drum kit resided in the corner. George’s eyes roamed across the bloody thing like most boys did cars, or girls… And I smirked to myself as I wandered back over to my usual seat, my focus on the way Ross and Hann were still talking to the lad, Adam handing him a pair of sticks.

I was excited to say the least as I watched George settle into his chair, testing the kit lightly, not giving much away.

“Fuck d'ya find ‘im?” Came Matty’s mumbled snort from beside me and I shot him a puzzled look, having heard the deride in his tone. “Looks about nine.”

“Matty.” I scolded lowly, not wanting George to overhear and have him feel unwelcome.

“What? He’s a bit odd ain’t he?” He retorted through a soft cloud of smoke, I snatched the joint back off him. “All tall and gangly. That accent too.” He wrinkled his nose in a grimace. 

“Shut up, would you?” I huffed, not wanting to deal with whatever the fuck he was feeling then. 

Sure, George was taller than most. Similar height to that of Ross though, really. And he wasn’t all that gangly- who the hell even said gangly, anyway? He was more lean than lanky, his shoulders broad and his face well sculpted. He might’ve been a tad bit odd, what with his syllabic answers and mostly emotionless front. Or at least I hoped it was a front, something which I could sort of relate to.

“He’s probably just nervous.” I said to Matty, taking a drag as I watched Hann explain something or other to him. “I didn’t tell him about the band or nowt, just said to pop by. He’s proper good though, Matt.”

“Yeah?” I heard Matty say, “How’d you even know?”

“Heard him.” I replied and glanced over my shoulder to give him an amused look, “How the fuck else would I know?”

“Don’t be a prick.” Matty huffed at me, nabbing back what little remained of the joint. I shrugged. “You know what I meant.”

I did, but he was being difficult for no reason. “Music room, earlier today.”

I didn’t get the chance to hear Matty’s response to that because George begun to play and everyone’s focus fell on him, observing the way he so effortlessly played, listening to the rhythm that just flowed out of his palms.

I smiled broadly, feeling a little too smug when Hann and Ross beamed at the kid, whooping and hollering as George banged out another tune.

“Fuckin’ hell! You hearin’ this, Healy? Could give you a run for your money!” Ross bellowed, cracking up when Matty flipped him off. I chuckled to myself too and Hann asked George to play something they might know.

“Um,” George thought the request over, then nodded just the once before he started with a few taps to the bass drum pedal which led into the intro to one of the most brilliant Van Halen songs. 

Ross’s eyes lit up when he recognised it and he hastily made his way over to his bass, Hann followed, mesmerised by the effortless ease George used, and the two of them soon started to chime in, following George’s lead. I grinned, mumbling the words for Hot for teacher quietly to myself whilst my foot tapped away. They were brilliant, I could only imagine what they’d sound like with Matty up there with them.

I was smiling like a mad man by the time they all sort of fell out of it, laughing whilst I applauded them loudly. “Whoo! Didn’t I say he was good? I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. Now quiet down, can already see your head getting bigger from way over here.” Ross mocked me with a teasing smile, I stuck two fingers up at him in retort and made to stand.

“He is good though.” Adam acknowledged, gifting George a wry smile. “You always play like that?” He asked and the lad shrugged.

“Depends, don’t always have an audience.”

I snorted softly but my attention dithered when Matty got up behind me and abruptly left the garage through the side door without another word. I frowned after him, so bewildered, then turned back towards the others.

Ross was shaking his head, fiddling with the nobs on his bass, whilst Adam forced a smile. Both of them used to it.

“Don’t mind him, mate. He’s a right diva, hates not being centre of attention.” Hann joked, ebbing some of the tension Matty’s departure had created like only he could.

I swallowed and stepped closer to the rest of them, “Hann’s right. He’ll come ‘round- that’s if he can stay?” I glanced between both Ross and Adam then, shoulders pulled up towards my ears.

Hann’s mouth twitched into a lopsided smile but Ross was the one to give me a valid answer, or rather George.

“When can you start?”

—

The thing about boys was, they were ten times more confusing than girls.

With girls, you sort of knew where you stood. If a girl didn’t like you, you’d know about it. But boys, they were just so difficult. And patronisingly so. 

I was only saying all this because it’d been a couple of weeks since George had actually agreed to join the band as their drummer. Something that Matty had huffed and puffed but said no more about. Neither one of them had tried to get to know the other. George was perfectly content to keep to himself when Ross and Hann’s attention was being occupied by Matty. And Matty was bitchy enough to leave the room midway through any conversation he grew bored with- which was typically whenever George spoke up. 

So it was safe to say that boys were infuriatingly stubborn, and these two in particular were driving me up the wall.

I hadn’t spoken much to George, only really got a couple of words out of him whenever I tagged along to practice, and then it was just a nod or a simple greeting when we passed by one another in school. Though he was in my year and, after that first session with the guys, I found that he kept popping up in a lot of the classes I’d failed to notice him in before.

Matty complained about George whenever he was bored, or when one of the boys brought up inviting him along to a party or out to the skatepark with them. I didn’t know what the fuck he had against the younger lad- had fought tooth and nail to get the answer out of him as subtly as I could- but he just wouldn’t budge. And me, being the best mate I was, felt a little weird about being friendly with George, even if it was only to make the band’s life easier. It was as though the loyalty I had for Matty interfered with me playing nice with the guy.

It was hard. And I was quickly growing tired of it.

Especially when I couldn’t help but admire George a small bit for the uncaring role he played in it all, he truly didn’t care that Matty was ‘Matty’, popular and loved by practically everyone. Matty, who always had a flock of girls fawning after him, lads wanting to be him, and teachers letting him off scot-free because they thought him to be a harmless joker. In George’s eyes Matty had it so easy and that’s why he got to act out the way he did.

It all came to a head one band practice though.

“Matty.” Ross sighed from over the neck of his guitar, beyond fed up now with his mate’s antics. 

It was almost eight and we’d all been here since four trying to rehearse for this little gig at the local pub. Hann had scored the thing, gotten his mate behind the bar to have a word with the owner. The bloke had said that they could play but they’d only get paid for it in drinks. Which had been a win-win for the guys.

Matty however was currently in one of his moods. The type he often got whenever his mum and dad had been arguing, the kind where he just wanted to piss about and forget he had responsibilities. It was something I could understand. One of the main reasons we’d bonded so quickly. Trauma calls to trauma- is that how the saying went?

Anyway, he was currently faffing about on the phone outside the garage to whichever girl he had on the go at the moment. He was laughing loudly, talking loudly, but drinking heavily. For a Thursday night at least. 

I sighed, picking at a loose thread on my shorts. I wanted to shake him, have him understand and see what everyone else was feeling. But Matty could be selfish when he wanted to be, especially when he was bricking up those walls of his higher than ever. It was in those moments, even I struggled to get through to him. 

Typically we’d all call it a night and try again another time, but this gig was tomorrow. And the guys still hadn’t gotten halfway through their planned setlist.

I say setlist, but it was five songs. One of which was the only original, the rest covers.

“Matt.” I called out tiredly. Matty merely flapped a hand at me. A universal sign for ‘just gimme a sec’.

Hann looked just about ready to scream, slumped against an amp, guitar forgotten beside him. And Ross was in a similar mindset, hands fisted by his sides to keep himself from wringing Matty’s neck.

I glanced over to where George was quietly tapping away on his drum kit, nodding his head along to whatever beat he had going on in his head. 

The more George had started to hang about, the more I'd started to deduce him.

At first, I thought he might’ve just been shy because of how little he’d spoken. But he fucking wasn’t, that much was easy to see when you knew where (or rather when) to look. The lads had commented on it at first, just poking fun and teasing, but I’d kept my opinion to myself- not sure why, just had, simpler that way, I figured. George wasn’t shy, no, but he was quiet. He preferred thinking, observing, over being the main focus. Much more aware of the things that went on than what he made it out like.

I blinked, breath hitching when I realised he’d caught me staring. Brown eyes now locked on mine. They were intense, squinted slightly beneath a band of dark lashes. He quirked a brow and I skirted my gaze away briefly, before I got over myself, as well as the strange feeling I felt, and moved across the room to join him.

He’d stopped tapping away when he’d glanced over at me, but he kept his sticks in his hands even as I rounded the kit, fingertips trailing across a cymbal.

“So, how you liking school?” 

I wasn’t sure why I asked that. But it felt like a safe place to start. To be honest, I wasn’t sure why I was starting up a conversation at all. I just felt the need to. 

“It’s school.” George replied and I chuckled at that, eyes flicking between the drum kit and his slumped form, his eyes followed my movements.

“I mean, you’re new right? So, was just wondering how it felt.” I shrugged, feeling a tad bit stupid but not letting it show.

George shrugged a single shoulder. “It’s alright, not the first time I’ve moved though.”

My eyebrows rose at that. “Oh yeah?”

He hummed, drumstick tapping against the inside of his wrist. “Yeah.”

I cracked a small smile, he wasn’t much of a talker. Or at least not with me.

“What made you join the band then?” I attempted, figuring I’d try my hand at a new subject. Gaze lingering on the rhythmic tic his hand made.

“You lot are nice enough. It gets me out the house.” He told me.

I dipped my head, I’d felt similarly at first. “I’ll take that.”

“Who says I was talking about you?” George quipped back all too quickly, one corner of his mouth deepening as he fought a smile. 

I narrowed my eyes at him. Baby drummer’s got jokes, it seemed. Definitely not shy then, maybe just out of his comfort zone..?

“You better be.” I told him in all seriousness. 

He chuckled softly and I practically beamed, proud that I’d been the one to cause it.

“Oi, are we fuckin’ practicing or you two just gonna stand about flirtin’ all night?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Matty’s vengeful voice and I felt a sudden anger radiate in me. In all the time I’d known Matty, never had he ever truly angered me- annoyed me, sure, pissed me off, of course! But angered me? No. He’d just tried to embarrass me now though, all but used me as a worthless pawn in this stupid grudge he held against George. Like it hadn’t just been him wasting everybody’s time. 

Where the fuck did he get off on judging my actions, anyway? When all we’d been doing was talking, and when I’d all but ignored George for as long as he’d been hanging around. 

“Are you serious?” I questioned him, hand falling away from the cymbal I’d been tinkering with and down to my side as I stared blankly back at him. He was off the phone now, but the thing was still dangling against his leg, a new can of cider taking up his other hand.

“Yeah. We’re all waiting.” Matty said with a snarky smile, extending his arms out either side of him. “So, you two done then or..?”

Hann looked vaguely uncomfortable, whilst Ross went to say something.

Only George beat him to it.

“Fuck off.” The blond scoffed at him, startling not just Matty, who his words had been aimed at, but all of us.

“Oh, so he speaks!” Matty mocked openly when he finally got over the shock of the unexpected reply, laughing at George now. “Aren’t you a bit too young to be swearing’ though, kid?”

“Aren’t you a bit too privileged to be acting like a whiney prick?” George shot straight back, deep voice staying at the same level it was always in.

Ross choked on a laugh and Hann’s mouth dropped open. My eyes widened on their own accord and darted between both Matty and George, who seemed to be in an uncomfortable standoff.

“You wanna say that a-fuckin’-gain?” Matty snapped back at him, anger fuelling his tone now. “You don’t know nothin' about me. So where the fuck d’you get off on callin’ me that?”

George’s mouth pulled up into a smirk and I was stunned. Unaware that he could even smile properly.

“Hit a nerve? You’re an entitled prick, mate.” George told him with a careless shrug, “You waste all of our time acting like an arse, then come back in here and try embarrass us for talking. Ain’t she meant to be your mate?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say so many words.” I heard Ross mutter, but was too enthralled in the matter at hand to find any amusement in it, though Hann on the other hand did. 

Matty grit his teeth, spitting a bit. “I’d be careful, yeah? ’Cause remember, you’re in my house. My fuckin’ band, alright?”

George snorted in reply, as though he could care less. Finding Matty amusing, which only proved to agitate him further. “Could be sat at the bottom of the ocean for all I care, mate, and you’d still be a massive fucking twat.”

Hann must’ve sensed it coming because he jumped up and grabbed Matty by the shoulders before he could make a lunge at George. He lugged the idiot out of the room before he could do anything else- which wasn’t hard in his less than sober state- all of us just watching on as Matty snarled every name under the sun at George.

The door closed behind them with a resounding slam that had me jumping slightly in my skin. 

A silence settled afterwards, eery and cold. The kind that made you realise all the heat had been bled from the room.

I turned away from the stare Ross seemed unable to help and tugged a hand through my hair, hoping that the gesture would give me a second to calm the pounding of my heart, the wetness in my eyes.

I was shaken. 

Which was the last thing I ever expected to feel when I was with the boys. This garage was my safe place, they were my safe place. And I suddenly felt so stupid for letting myself get so caught up in it all.

I coughed lightly to cover up the sniff I couldn’t help but make and turned back to face the two remaining lads with a very forced smile.

“Guess that’s practice over then.” I chuckled lowly, moving away from George to start packing things away.

“Guess so.” Ross added awkwardly, scratching what little there was to the beard he’d been trying to grow.

I saw George shake his head out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say anything so the three of us just started silently moving things about. Ross put the combos and guitars back in the corner, before he made a start on wrapping up wires. George picked up the rubbish that’d been tossed about the room, then worked on moving the larger amps to one side. 

I grabbed the expensive mic Matty had discarded on the floor and put it back in its case, before I wandered over to dismantle the mic stand. It was easy enough but often grew tricky by the third bar where it was always tighter. I tried tugging it a few times before I huffed to myself, it was then that George came over to squat down beside me and help out.

“Thanks.” I murmured once he’d released the two bars from one another, handing them over wordlessly.

“No worries.” He mentioned, and I focused hard on not glancing his way again as I continued to place the parts of the stand in another styrofoam case. He cleared his throat lightly, still there, and I chewed the inside of my cheek, expecting him to speak again. He did. “I’m sorry if I made things worse. I know you and him are close, but… I dunno, he just rilled me up.”

I had to look at George then, surprised by his maturity. Not many people apologised for their part in things, especially when they hadn’t really been at fault. It was new to me.

“You’re fine. He just gets like that sometimes. Don’t worry about it, yeah?”

I stood then and moved across the room to put the cases in the locker Matty liked to keep them in, not giving George the chance to reply. All I wanted now was my bed. But that meant going home, and that upped the chances of me running into my mum and her new boyfriend.

Hann came back a few short minutes after, looking like a piano had been dropped on his head. He sighed defeatedly, rubbing a hand over his face as he closed the door behind him.

“What happened?” Ross asked, blue cable wound up in his right hand.

Adam levelled him with a look. “His mum, they got into an argument, woke Louis. He ended up leaving.”

I withheld a sigh. For fucks sake, Matty.

“Sorry about that, mate.” Hann added, looking to George now. The boy waved him off but Adam chewed on his lower lip for a second, then glanced between the three of us. “You lot ready to head off then?”

We all gave an assorted sound of approval, finishing up with whatever tasks we’d started before we moved to grab our bags. The four of us headed out of the garage in silence and I felt a bit bad not saying goodbye to Denise like I typically did, but knew she probably had worser things to worry about than me. So the garage door slid shut behind us on its automatic hinge and we all set off down the drive. 

When we reached the bottom, Ross stopped me short with a gentle hand to my elbow.

“You gonna be alright?” He asked, and I knew why but feigned I was fine.

“‘Course.”

He left it at that. 

We all walked to the bottom of Matty’s street and it got to the point in the road where we usually went our separate ways.

“Skive off tomorrow so we can practice?” Hann suggested as we came to a slow halt and Ross and George both nodded, before the three of them turned to me. I blinked, surprised by the offer.

“Um, yeah. Okay.”

“Good.” Ross grinned, nudging my arm with his own. “‘Cause we need our manager there to keep us sane.”

I huffed out an airy chuckle and rolled my eyes at him. “See you tomorrow, MacDonald.”

Ross gifted me quirked grin and Adam tugged me into a short hug before they then said their goodbyes to George. My brow pinched at that and was suddenly filled with sudden apprehension when I realised that George was in fact headed my way too.

In all the weeks he’d been at practice, I typically spent a little while longer hanging about Matty’s whilst the rest of them headed home. So this was the first time I realised that I’d be walking back with George.

“Tomorrow, ten am, yeah?” Hann reminded and we all nodded, the question of whether Matty would make an appearance went unsaid.

Ross and Hann begun to pull away and I found myself turning away too, taking a step back and inhaling when George followed. 

We both walked quietly for a minute or two, just taking in the late evening air. I hiked my bag higher up my shoulder and was both relieved and full of anxiety when he finally spoke up.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but if you do, well I don’t mind listening.”

My brows rose in honest surprise. Quiet George was willing to break the silence he so often favoured for little old me?

I wanted to brush his attempt off, make out like I was fine and crack a joke to ebb the tension. But I couldn’t, because I was full of too many emotions that I couldn’t make out which ones were real and which ones were fake. 

I tugged on my lower lip before I licked at the flesh there, eyes on the steps I took, shoes trailing over cracks in the cobblestones.

“He’s never been like that before. Least not with me.” I had to state, wanting to stick up for Matty even though he’d been an utter prat. “Just surprised me ’s all.”

“Still gave him no right.” George replied and I wanted to bite back at him, release that anger his comment stirred in me, but he was right.

I ticked my jaw from side to side, then shrugged. “He’s going through a lot.”

“Aren’t we all?”

I peered over towards him then, that rhetorical question sounded more like an admission. I didn’t comment on it though. I had no right.

“Yeah.” I said quietly instead.

We walked a little further and I found myself glancing up at him from time to time. He was almost a head taller than me, and had a strong nose that was softened by the freckles on his cheeks and the droop of his eyes.

“You excited for tomorrow night?” I asked him, my voice and the hum of the old railway were the only things to make any noise.

George gazed down at me, “‘Spose.”

I couldn’t help my soft laughter. “You suppose?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, smirking faintly now, “Might’ve felt differently if we’d managed to finish working on the set.”

“Fair.” I chuckled.

“What about you?”

I don’t know why but I was surprised he’d reiterated the question back to me. Maybe it was because I’d figured we’d just slump along in awkward silence. But I didn’t feel any awkwardness at all.

“I’m looking forward to it. You guys are incredible.” I told him honestly, “A little apprehensive, but I know you’ll pull it off whatever happens.”

George hummed. “Hold you to it.”

I laughed again, only to realise we’d made it to the end of my street. “I’m up there.” I told him, pointing towards a dark house further up.

He jerked his head in a nod, looking away from the row of homes to gesture towards the street over. “I’m that way.”

It was my turn to hum now, rocking back slightly on my feet. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then…”

With a dip of his chin and his hands in his pockets, George just nodded as we parted ways.

And I did see him that next day. Only it wasn’t in Matty’s garage, because he was stood waiting for me at the end of my street.

…

It was that first gig together that sent a solidifying ripple through Matty and George’s tentative relationship.

We’d all met up that Friday morning, as planned, George and I having walked into Matty’s garage on the defence, but it’d seemed that the curly haired lad was singing a whole other tune. Matty had appeared truly apologetic for how things had gone down the previous night, and not just to me either. He even went out of his way to have a talk with George outside before we got down to business, which had surprised the three of us who remained.

When the pair of them had come back in, Matty was grinning from ear to ear and George’s eyes were set on me, I smiled when I noticed him wearing one of his own.

That was the first practice we all ended up really enjoying, and it’d been just in time too because the guys went out and absolutely killed their gig later that evening. They’d had half the locals up on their feet and gotten the pub packed full with a bunch of people from school. It’d definitely been a night to remember, not just because of how it had all worked out in the end, but it’d also been the night that Matty changed the band’s name- again.

—

“Mattyyyy, I swear! I just don’t know what to do!” I whined from where I was hanging off the side of his huge wooden bed.

Matty was propped up just below me on his phone texting whoever, his mum having invited me over for Sunday tea. I smacked his arm when he only continued to ignore me.

“Jesus. What do you want me to say!” Matty exclaimed, snorting when he glanced up at me and caught sight of my very distressed frown. “It’s just George, babe. He’s harmless.”

“I fucking know that! But… I don’t know, it’s just-”

I was about to say weird. But I’d stopped myself before I could let the word slip, because that didn’t feel like the right way to describe how I felt about it.

You see, for some maddening reason George had taken it upon himself to start popping up every and anywhere I might be. A bit like an annoying fly really. 

It’d started with the waiting. Remember? That first morning we skived off school to practice for their gig… Well, George had taken that as a silent invitation to continue doing exactly that, just every day.

Not just that either. He seemed to appear whenever he pleased, too. Had taken to sitting in the seat beside me during maths because he knew I sucked at it. Shared his food with me, or would slide a couple quid across the table, whenever I had no lunch. And I kept finding his eyes on me more often than not. 

The whole thing was driving me mad and I had zero clue as to why. Because it was anything any other normal mate would do. Hell, it was exactly what the other boys would do for me as well as one another, it’s what Vicky tended to do whenever we would have one of our catch ups. But things just felt a whole lot different with George.

It was like he always knew more than he was letting on. And that on its own set me on edge.

I didn’t want or need anyone digging any deeper than what I allowed, I couldn’t have anyone seeing what I tried so hard to hide.

And so the situation with George did grate on me a bit. And I had taken to complaining to Matty about it every chance I got. Not that the dickhead seemed to care, he was always off in his own world. Had his own shit to deal with. Seeing how his mum and dad were currently in the middle of a divorce, I could understand why he found my hysterical venting amusing.

Still.

“Look, he’s just bein’ friendly. Might even have a bit of a crush on you, babe- ‘cause I mean, what’s not to like, ey?” Matty grinned, winking up at me from the floor, I groaned and rolled my eyes in reply. “Anyway, it’ll blow over soon enough and hey, you might even miss the attention.”

I scowled and tossed one of the many pillows his bed homed at his giant head. 

That was the last time I spoke to Matty about it. Deciding then and there that I’d just let George do as he pleased, if it made him happy helping me out or tagging along, then fine. He could have it his way. I’d just have to find a way to get over it.

—

It was late. Nearing two in the morning and I was still wide awake.

I could hear them, in the room next to mine. They’d been at it for hours now, long enough that I was both mortified and utterly mystified by the fact that the neighbours had yet to have the police knocking down our door.

He was fucking her now, but in a minute or two they’d be back to fighting again. You could count on it. Mum and Steven moved like clockwork. Steven was her newest thing, they’d been together a few short weeks now, ever since Julio had come and gone. Julio who had stuck around the longest so far, a whole nine months. The guy had been a layabout, but he hadn’t ever laid a hand on me. Something I was grateful for, but something Steven couldn’t account for as well.

No, Steven was a lot more violent than the rest, but I much preferred violence over-

I inhaled, in and out. Out then in.

I buried my face further into my pillowcase. I had school in the morning, and no idea how I was going to function if things continued like this.

I kept on breathing though. Attempting to tune them out. To sleep.

I knew it’d been a long time coming but I still startled when I heard the thud and then the loud wail which followed. I froze in my bed but couldn’t stop myself from listening out. Wondering if this was the hit that finally killed her.

No. 

She was calling out to him again. Trying to stop it, stop him, trying to calm him down. 

But you should know better by now, mum.

“Stop! Julio, stop please!” 

My breath caught in the back of my throat at her pleading shout. Either Julio had finally reappeared in my mum’s bedroom during the middle of the night, or my mum had done something so incredibly stupid. She’d called Steven by another man’s name.

“The fuck did you just call me?” I heard him bellow through the paper thin walls of our tiny townhouse. Another thump. And then an ominous thud.

“Steven! I said Steven!” My mum wailed.

She sounded so desperate I had to squeeze my eyes close, as though I was the one facing the brunt of his fists.

He started roaring, swearing loudly in that Liverpool accent of his. And rained down on her harder than anyone else ever had. Thump after thump. She screamed, cried, wailed. Pleading loudly now, loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. So how could he not?

But we all knew he could, he just didn’t care. To him she was merely a toy.

“Steven!”

I hadn’t even realised I was up and out of my bed, let alone standing on the landing, before I was staring up into a face full of fury. 

The door to their bedroom had been wrenched open, my fingers pale and tight around the handle, though I could hardly feel the metal beneath them now.

“The fuck do you want?”

I had no time to even answer him, my eyes locked on my mum’s bloody form when a fist came flying at me. It sent me back, knocked me into the banister hard enough to welt my spine, and I whimpered but made no other noise, keeping my jaw locked tight and my bleary eyes trained on him even as he approached. Stomping like the child he was.

“Fuckin’ miserable little thing you. Yer mother never teach you to mind yer business- yer manners?” He spat at me, and I took it as well as the next thump when he propelled my head off the wooden railing behind me. “Breathe another word and you’ll be in for worse next time. Now fuck off, would ya.”

I slid by him as fast as I could without looking like I was about to piss myself, my mum stood in the bedroom doorway now, lip and face bloodied around a lazy smile. “Night, sweetheart.” She said, like nothing was the matter. 

I forced a lump of bile back down my throat and nodded, knowing if I ignored her I’d only be in for another blow- or a shove down the stairs.

She and Steven went back inside, him thundering as he went and shouting some more. I let go of the shaky breath I'd been clinging on to before I tiptoed as quickly as I could into my own room. I grabbed my mobile and my trainers, brain practically working on autopilot, then I was down the stairs and out the front door before I could second guess it.

I don’t know how far I walked or what time it was but I remember calling Matty. I called a few times actually, each time it went straight to voicemail. His phone was off.

I debated phoning Adam or Ross, maybe even Vicky. But I couldn’t bring myself to do so.

Instead I wrapped my arms around my chest, shivering without really feeling the cold that swept past me and letting my feet lead me wherever they pleased. My body seemed to collapse somewhere between the bridge on Brook Street and the little playground a couple blocks over from mine though. I curled up on the bench there, dragged my knees up towards my shoulders and clung to them tightly.

I stared off into the darkness for a little while. Not caring what I looked like or who might find me come sunrise. Just staring ahead at the squeaking swings in the distance and the grassy fields that surrounded the nearby estate.

“Y/n?”

I blinked at the sound of my name, but had to hear it a few more times before I finally pulled myself out of the daze I’d fallen into and looked away.

I was stunned to see George stood there towering above me, clad in a grey hoodie and a pair of jogging shorts. His face was one of complete shock, something that would’ve made me laugh any other day, seeing as he was always so stoic looking. But I couldn’t. Not then. I didn’t even know how I was still breathing.

“Fucking hell, what, what h-”

George stopped himself short and approached me with a wary caution, I was thankful he hadn’t finished that sentence and didn’t stop him when he took the seat beside me on the wearing wooden bench.

He must’ve tugged his hoodie off at some point because I felt him drape it around me in the next moment. It was warm, a stark and sudden contrast to the numbness I’d been feeling since I’d left my bed.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked out, once the panic had become too much to bare and I felt as though every nerve-ending in my body was slowly igniting. I had to fill the silence with something. I didn’t want to think any longer. I couldn’t. Not with questions like ‘Was she even still alive?’ and ‘Did she even care?’ on my mind. 

“I,” George started, drawing my focus, and seemed to take a deep breath before he continued on, “I like going on walks, when I can’t sleep. Helps clear my head.”

I let that lie between us and then asked, “Why?” 

I stared blankly ahead again, too scared to face him. Or rather, him face me. To see the damaged goods I really was. 

“My mum’s home.” He told me quietly, wind whistling around us. I found it comforting that he knew instantly what question I’d really been asking. 

I hummed. My mum was home too, but I wished she wasn’t.

“She works a lot. Abroad mostly, ’s why we move around so much.” George explained to me, and I knew why he was telling me all this when he’d never let a word slip about his home life before. 

It was an eye for an eye situation. He’d seen me like this, battered and bruised. And wanted to make sure it was clear that he didn’t have the upper hand here, that I wouldn’t think he had something he could use against me.

“My dad reckons she means well, but…” He just shrugged, hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts. I took note of the thin white tee he wore and the way he tried not to shiver. “We don’t get on.”

“She ever hurt you?”

I don’t know why I asked it. But I did. I wanted to pry, to cut him open and see if he bled the same way I had. 

“Slapped me twice. First time, she cried. Second, was tonight.” 

I let that sink in.

“My mum’s boyfriend did this.” I let slip quietly, hoping that the wind around us was strong enough to howl over my words. But I’d never been that lucky. George tensed beside me. Rigid as a rock. He’d heard.

In and out. I repeated the motion, the words on a loop in my head.

“You know that coffee shop over on Durham?” He asked me next, catching me off guard. Confused, I nodded. “You reckon you can get there?”

I nodded again, though I was still unsure. On whether I could make it, and if I should trust him here. It wouldn’t be the first time someone close to me let me down.

George seemed to sense my uncertainty and merely waited me out.

I took a deep breath after a long moment had passed and stood on shaky legs. He came to a stand next to me but kept his hands firmly in his pockets, making sure I noticed that fact too. A gesture that eased a fraction of my anxiety.

Slowly we walked together over to the small coffee shop that was open all hours, not uttering a single word the entire way. My body ached but I carried on, slipping his hoodie on properly once we’d finally neared the shops flickering ‘open’ sign. I tugged the hood up too to hide some of my face before we entered, unsure of what I might’ve looked like.

George went in first and held the door open for me, making sure to stay in my line of sight at all times, even when he offered to go order whilst I found us a table.

I grunted to myself when my tender skin brushed against the back of the booth I’d chosen in the far corner, one where I could watch the door and have no one at my back.

I sat there, waiting, and attempted to occupy my mind with the quiet song which was playing overhead, fingers fidgeting with the salt shaker all the while. 

George returned a few minutes afterwards, tray in hand. He motioned towards it once he’d sat down opposite. “Got a couple warm drinks- you like tea right?” He asked me, and I nodded, surprised that he’d remembered, before he carried on, “Got a cup of water too, to clean your face up if you wanted.”

I swallowed thickly at the kind thought and carefully guided one of the warm mugs he’d purchased towards me, wrapping my hands around it and savouring its steaming heat.

“I can’t really see it, so there’s no point.” I murmured, staring down into the milky brew.

He was quiet for a few seconds, shaking a sugar packet before pouring it into his coffee. “I can do it if you want.”

I peered up at him and tried to hide my wariness. The way my body immediately stilled and pulled away. George didn’t say anything about it though, just continued to stir his overly sweetened cup.

I licked at my lip and tasted the thick metal that then coated my tongue. It was that which drove me to nod at him. George didn’t smile or acknowledge my nervousness, merely took a napkin and dipped it into the water. We both leant in further across the table at the same time. I forced myself to stay frozen when he begun to dab at my broken skin.

After a few napkins had been stained a crimson red, I finally relaxed a tad, glancing up at George’s own face whilst he worked deftly on mine.

It was then that I noticed the mark he’d mentioned having received earlier. A scatter of faint red dots in the shape of fingers sat alongside a fine welt that rested on his cheekbone. It made me wonder what had happened. If he’d been asking for it or if she’d done it out of anger.

Had I been asking for it? I wondered, drawing back into myself a tad. But stopped when I hissed outwardly, snapping my eyes up to meet his.

“Sorry.”  George murmured, trying to be gentler when he wiped at my lip again.

“It’s okay. Just, didn’t expect it.”

He nodded in quiet understanding but said nothing further, and soon enough he tossed the final napkin onto the pile he’d made and simply went back to his coffee. I couldn’t help my tiny smile. Thankful, for once, to have him there.

…

After that night I started to lean on George a little bit more. More than I should’ve, in truth. 

I was hardly even aware of though, until it was much too late. ’Til I realised I was looking at him in a whole other light. One I’d taken to avoiding since the day I’d met him. 

We walked to school together every morning, met the guys at the gates and then separated from them at first bell. We hauled up in the music room at break, talking and telling one another quiet truths. Spent lunchtime smoking behind the bike shed, sometimes with Vicky, other times with one or two of the boys. We went to practice together and then walked home together. Met up when either one of us ‘couldn’t sleep’ and got far too familiar with the staff in Bru, that coffee shop we’d ventured into that first night. Even took to exploring the city I’d lived in my whole life. Travelling down to the yard, and wasting days in the park and arcade. 

I depended on him always being there, I realised after a short while, and didn’t really seem to mind it. Which was as much strange as it was terrifying. George quickly became my person, a truth in a world full of lies. It was hard to comprehend most days.

—

“Oi, you’re definitely coming to Jamie’s party tonight right?” Vicky called out to me from across the worktop, we were currently in food tech and she was trying her very hardest to save the burnt sponge she’d made to no avail.

My eyes darted over to where George was stood working on the table over, then nodded at her. “Should be.”

“Great.” She grinned at me, “You bringing your boys along with you?”

I cocked an amused brow at her. She’d taken to calling them that. My boys.

“Don’t own them.”

Vic rolled her eyes at my answer then turned to shout over her shoulder at George before I could think to stop her, “You coming tonight then, Daniels?”

George’s head swivelled around towards us but it took him a second to stop working on his white icing before he answered. He glanced towards me first, a question dancing in his eyes. I gave a subtle nod, not even thinking about it. He mimicked it. “Should be.” He told her, wiping his dirty hands on a damp tea towel.

Vicky groaned loudly in return, “You two, I swear! You drive me insane.”

George’s forehead furrowed, obviously confused by her obvious irritation.

“She said the exact same thing!” Vicky huffed in explanation before she turned on him once more, “Just do me a favour and make sure she’s there, alright? It’s important.”

I released a light air of laughter whilst George’s mouth just quirked upwards into a small smile, he saluted her like a soldier would a general. “Yes, mam.”

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.” Vicky mentioned, a devious smile liming her lips.

I snorted. 

“At ease, soldier.” I said to George before he wandered over to join me, swiping a finger through my freshly sifted icing. “Oi!”

“What?” George questioned me innocently, as though he hadn’t just put his grubby fingers in my food.

“I swear if Hanson marks me down ‘cause of that, I will string you up by the balls and dangle you from the school’s roof.” I warned him seriously.

Vicky giggled to herself, “Kinky.”

I rolled my eyes at her, whilst George just smirked, taking claim of my seat.

“You finished with yours then?” I asked him, still working on the roses I’d sculpted for the top of my dessert.

He hummed a quiet confirmation and begun to play with the string of my apron. I peered over at his station and was a tad bit impressed by the cake I saw. Vicky followed and whistled at the sight of it.

“Wow, Daniels. If drumming doesn’t work out for you, baking just might.”

“A man of many talents, our Georgie.” I teased, bopping his nose and staining the tip of it with a print of icing sugar. Vic giggled again and George scrunched his face up at me.

“George Daniel, in your seat please!” Miss Hanson interrupted as she looped back round and George gave me a ‘what can you do?” sort of look, before he sighed and went back to his assigned seat, wiping a hand full of icing across my cheek as he did so. I gasped. 

“Prick!”

“Miss Y/l/n, language! Might I remind you that we are in a classroom not a zoo.”

I gifted the woman a strained smile and felt my left eye twitch. “Yes, Miss Hanson. Sorry, Miss Hanson.”

She merely harrumphed and plodded away, I made a face at her back. Vic snorted behind a crumb covered hand.

“That woman will be the death of me, I swear.” I grumbled unhappily.

Vicky was smirking when I glanced back up at her though, doing little to hide her ever rising amusement. I knew right then what was coming just by the look on her face.

“Detention, Miss Y/l/n. Lunchtime.” Miss Hanson grunted out and instantly my face fell. Vicky continued to snicker away at my expense. 

“You’ll pay for that.” I mouthed to her, only to receive a feigned blameless smile in response. It was in that next moment that Miss Hanson shouted out again.

“Mr Daniel, same goes to you! Lunchtime detention. What on earth has gotten into all of you?”

Both Vicky and I snapped our attention in the direction of George’s table to find that he’d upturned a bowl full of flour onto the counter and drawn a leaking appendage into it. Both of our eyes widened before we burst out laughing. 

“Miss Taylor, do you wish to join them both?” Miss Hanson threatened and Vicky was quick to quieten down, shaking her head at the older woman. 

“No, miss.”

“Good, then I advise you to continue with your work.”

Miss Hanson moved on after that and whilst I struggled to get ahold of my chuckles, I saw Vicky waggle her brows at me before she jerked her chin over towards George, who was cleaning up his powdery mess. Confused, I shot her a bewildered look. But she merely smirked in turn, shaking her head at me.

I frowned but continued on rolling my roses, mind lingering on what she could’ve possibly meant. 

…

Jamie Taylor’s parties were always something to remember.

The first one I’d ever gone to was for J’s birthday, he’d gone all out for it, decorated a bit, even had one of his mate’s older brothers supply a couple crates and bottles for us all. 

Originally it’d been his mum that had forced him to invite Vicky and I along, which had put a bit of a downer on the whole thing, but the pair of us had been far too excited to have the chance to hang ‘round with the older kids at school and dress up a bit to care. 

In truth, it’d been the first proper party I’d ever attended- if you didn’t count the one Sarah Whelts had thrown back in primary school, though that had been just as sick seeing as she’d had it in the local Maccies. 

But yeah, that party was also the first time I snogged a lad. Like properly. It’d actually been with one of Jamie’s friends- his best mate, if we were being dead honest here- and it’d had my head spinning. Vicky had caught the two of us in the upstairs loo though and hadn’t shut up about it for weeks afterwards. To say she’d put me off wanting to get with him again was a massive understatement, she’d hung it over my head for ages, threatening to let it slip to J whenever she was in one of her annoying moods.

This time around though, all I wanted was to have a good time. After the shit day I’d had, I figured I deserved the chance to drown my sorrows.

“Hey, hey! There she is!” 

I glanced up just as I made it through the front door and gave a smile when I spotted the man of the hour headed my way.

“Alright, Jaim.” I greeted as he roped an arm around me to pull me into a tight hug, he smelt of his usual aftershave and the lingering tinge of smoke.

“I’m grand, babe.” Jamie grinned back, looking down at me now as he pulled away a tad, arm still hanging off my shoulders. “Glad you made it though, ain’t seen you in ages. Vic said it was like pullin’ teeth tryna get an answer out of you.”

I rolled my eyes at the theatrics and laughed lightly. “Yeah, well she’s a drama queen.”

“Don’t I know it.” Jamie sighed, all put-upon before he chuckled.

We were interrupted then by a hoard full of boys. My boys as a matter of fact.

“Well hello, don’t you look stunnin’! Been looking all over for you.” Matty greeted merrily, beer already in hand as he accosted me in the hallway. I released a happy laugh of my own when he smacked a big kiss to my cheek and took my hand in his. “You only just get here?”

I nodded in faint reply before I pulled away from Jamie’s embrace to envelope both Ross and Hann into a hug, giving them my hello’s too. “Yeah, had stuff to do first. How long you lot been here?” I asked, but my eyes darted behind them in search of George. “And where’s G?”

The nickname was relatively new, but I’d always said that his name felt far too long. G seemed to be sticking anywho.

Matty kissed his teeth as his eyes scanned the room, fingers still attached to mine. “He was here a while ago- came with us, didn’t he.”

“Think he went out for a fag.” Ross mentioned to me before his eye caught Stacey Donahue dancing away in the corner. Hann and I shared a knowing smile before the giant made his excuses and dipped away. 

“How you lads enjoyin’ the party then?”

I startled slightly at Jamie’s voice, having completely forgotten he’d been stood there with us. Although it did look like he’d just been quietly welcoming people as they arrived, whilst I’d been caught up.

Matty beamed at the question and raised the neck of his drink at him, “Great time, mate. As always.”

Jamie chuckled, “Cheers. Um, you two mind if I have a word with this lady ‘ere though?”

The lazy grin Matty wore grew at Jamie’s ask and Hann was smirking to himself as he nodded. “‘Course.” He replied for the both of them, before sparing a glance at me, “Come find us soon, yeah?”

My brow pinched and I could only nod at his request, ignoring Matty’s drunken snickering before Jamie gestured his head over to the right and begun leading me away, through the kitchen and its rowdy partygoers, out into the garden.

The air outside was a bit chilly, but I was still wearing the denim jacket George had lent me earlier that afternoon, so I didn’t feel it so much. I peered around at a few of the people who’d decided to gather in the garden, some of them smoking around the fire-pit, others sprawled out on the grass beneath the gazebo.

“What’s up?” I asked Jamie once he’d finished saying hello to a couple of his mates that had decided to head back inside just as we came out. He looked over at me.

Jamie had always been a good looking lad. You know, the typical pretty boy type. With his light eyes and cheeky smile. I remembered how much I used to fancy him growing up, not just ‘cause he was nice to look at, but because he’d always looked out for me, never made me feel stupid or less than. He was just a decent guy.

But it was a surprise to me then though to see him looking so sheepish, scratching at the jut of his jaw whilst his eyes skirted around me. Jamie was anything but shy, even when he was getting a good hiding he was still smirking away.

“You alright?” I asked him around a light chuckle, unsure on what he’d even wanted me for.

“Yeah, yeah.” He was quick to assure me, fighting to dampen his growing grin when he finally met my mirthful eyes. “Just needed a breather, you know. Mental in there.”

“What, and you just decided you’d use me as an excuse?” I teased, unable to help myself and fighting back a laugh when his eyes widened.

“Nah, no, nothing like that.” Jamie hurried out.

I just shook my head my head in return with a sweet smile, hands tucked in the pockets of my jacket. “I’m messing, J. What’s up? You seem on edge.”

He heaved out a big breath and left me waiting on a real reply, he was honestly starting to worry me a tad but now, never had I heard him go so long without speaking. He was almost as bad as Vic herself- maybe it was a family thing.

“Jaim?”

“Sorry.” Jamie sighed and dragged a frustrated hand down across his face. “Sorry just- reckon I need another drink.” 

He laughed lightly, clearly trying to ease some of the tension he felt, and I joined but only for something to do. Still so confused.

“You gonna hold me hostage out here all night?” I prodded, raising my eyebrows at him with a soft smile when he peered my way.

He rolled his eyes with an amused grin, before he cut to it. “Listen, we’ve been mates for ages, right?”

Slowly I nodded at him. I’d call Jamie a friend, but it felt weird him acknowledging it, in my eyes, to him, I’d always just be his little sister’s tagalong.

“Right. Exactly.” Jamie barrelled on, not sensing my bewilderment. “And you probably know me best, innit? Like out of everyone- aside from me mum and me dad, probably Vic too.”

I wouldn’t say that but, “I ‘spose.”

“Good.” He dipped his head in a jerky nod and, honestly, I would’ve thought he was on something, the way he was acting, if I hadn’t been looking up into his eyes. “Yeah, so what I’m basically tryna say here is that-”

Jamie’s little tangent was promptly cut short by the arm that engulfed me. “B, ‘ve been lookin’ all over for you.”

Immediately I grinned, already knowing just who it’d been by the freckles that dotted their wrist and the familiar scent that wrapped its way around me. I lifted my head up to stare into George Daniel’s familiar eyes, their brown blown wide and hidden slightly by the squint of his smile.

“You made it!” I exclaimed happily, my hand reaching up to meet his at my shoulder, I gave it a quick squeeze and he nodded down at me.

“Said I would.” He replied and we shared another smile.

It was then that George seemed to realise he’d interrupted the conversation I’d just been having, his brows jumped upwards as he turned to look at Jamie.

“Oh sorry, mate. Didn’t mean to barge in.” George apologised with a smaller smile, glancing between us, “Just spotted her as I was headin’ back in.”

“You’re alright.” I assured George, “J was just having a quick word.”

“I’ll leave you to it then. Meet you inside?” George offered and I wanted so badly to wave it off, yank him back over to the side of the house where I knew he’d been hiding, and share a joint or two. But Jamie…

“If you don’t mind, mate.” Jamie nodded, his smile a little tight. I frowned, but glanced back up at George to make sure he was really okay with it.

“‘Course.” He smiled easily, squeezing my hand and pressing his nose into my hair as he pressed a quick peck to my temple. Something that was relatively new to us. Though I couldn’t help the butterflies it seems to erupt. “Bye bye Birdie.”

I snorted softly as he untangled himself, smirking all the while. Hating having ever let it slip that I loved that film. 

He saluted me before slipping through the back door and I turned back to Jamie with a fond smile I didn’t even realise I was wearing.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I asked him now that he finally had my full focus again.

Jamie stared at me long and hard, before a strange look crossed over his face. Almost one of realisation, or maybe resignation? It baffled me but I didn’t have the chance to question it. 

“You know what-” Jamie breathed out, his smile small now but still genuine as he reached a hand out to brush against my shoulder. I glanced down at it briefly before he was speaking again. “Don’t worry about it. I can tell you another time, yeah?”

Forehead pinched in utter confusion, I wanted to prod at him further but he was shutting down before my very eyes by putting up a loud and extraverted bravado. One he usually let slip around those he was comfortable with. I wondered what I’d possibly done wrong.

“It’s a party, ain’t it? Lemme grab you a beer- you just enjoy yourself!”

Then he was squeezing my arm and breezing past me before I could get a word in edgeways.

I stood there on the patio, lost. Head so busy just trying to work out what the hell had happened that I didn’t even notice Vicky until she was there hanging off my arm.

“Did he tell you? Did he tell you?” She questioned me in her tipsy state, not even giving me the time to answer before she was pestering me with a dozen other confusing questions, “What d’ya say? Did you say you it back? Did you let him kiss you? Wait, don’t answer that one- don’t think I want to know.” 

My brain short-circuited. 

Only half aware, I felt myself glance through the window into the kitchen, to where Jamie now stood pouring a couple drinks, surrounded by people. His eyes met mine through the glass, before they trailed over to where his sister was now jumping about excitedly beside me, his face paled at the realisation. 

Shit. Jamie liked me.

—

Jamie kept his distance after that night. Didn’t try to bring it up again or actually admit what, I was now afraid, he’d been about to. 

Though the whole thing did confuse me- if it had been that that he’d been so close to admitting to, then what had stopped him? Was it because of George’s interruption, or had he just thought better of it?

They nibbled away at me, all these thoughts. But I tried to keep them at bay, ignore them as best I could. Because I could honestly have the entirely wrong end of the stick here, and maybe, just maybe Jamie wasn't actually avoiding me, maybe he was just busy with exams, and school, footie…

I groaned to myself, feeling a headache brewing. So much for ignoring the topic.

“What’s goin’ on in that head of yours, cupcake?”

I scowled at the tap I received to the side of my skull and swatted halfheartedly when Ross dropped himself down onto the grass beside me.

The rest of lads, plus Vicky, were all up at the ice-cream van that’d pulled up at the curb by the entrance to the park. I hadn’t wanted anything when they’d all started to wander over, having heard the whining tune, whilst Ross had called in his winnings with Matty (the two of them were always betting on something or other) and asked for ‘a 99 with a flake and sprinkles, please!’

I’d been glad to have it just be me and him for a short while, I’d been feeling off all day and he was usually the one who didn’t ever mind my moods. 

“Nothing.” I told him, picking at daisies that had just begun to litter the grass.

“What not even a cymbal-banging monkey?”

I breathed out an airy chuckle. “Why, is that all you’re used to?”

“Yup. That and tits.” He shrugged and I snorted an unexpected laugh.

“Pig.”

Ross merely grinned before he nudged me again. “Come on, get it off your mind before them lot come barging back over.”

I glanced out across the field, saw Matty pissing about with Vicky by the roadside and the way Hann struggled to keep his ice-cream from dripping down his hand. Then looked back to Ross. He’d kicked his legs out wide, palms splayed out behind him whilst his skateboard rested beside his foot.

“It’s nothing, stupid really.” I told him and watched the way he quirked an encouraging brow at me, obviously wanting me to carry on. I released a heavy sigh, “Can’t really talk to anyone about it, you know? Or it feels that way.”

“Well, I’m sat here asking, so tell me. You know I don’t care- could tell me you just bleached your armpits and I’d only ask to see.”

I smiled, shaking my head at his strange reply. But that was just Ross, he made you feel so at ease. Like you really could tell him anything.

“Fine. Just, you know Jamie?” I ventured carefully, gaze on the tiny flowers I was fiddling with in my lap. 

“‘Course. Vicky’s brother- plays striker, don’t he?”

I hummed, “Yeah, him.”

“Alright, what about him?” Ross prompted and I could feel his eyes lingering on my hands, watching as I made holes in the stems of the daisies I’d collected. 

“Something happened with him the other night, at his party.”

“Did he do something?” Ross’s hardened tone made me blink and so I was quick to snap my head up to reassure him.

“No, no. Nothing bad. Just something he said, or well, something Vic mentioned after we’d spoke.”

“You’re being pretty vague here.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I know, sorry. I just- it’s strange to say out loud. I feel like I’ve got it all turned around in my head.”

“Alright well, just tell me what happened and I’ll see if you have or not.”

I wet my lower lip in thought then ultimately decided that it couldn’t hurt. The worst Ross would do is poke fun at me, and I knew wholeheartedly he wouldn’t say a word to the others.

“It started when I left you lot, he wanted to have a word and took me outside.” I started to explain, “He was acting right weird. Just not himself, you know? A bit nervous, I ‘spose.”

Ross hummed when I paused for a breath.

“And he was trying to tell me something. Thought it was gonna be something bad- what with they way he was acting- and he was just about to finally spit it out when G wandered over. We’d spoken for a few minutes, just normal shit, said hi and whatnot. Introduced him to Jamie. Then he headed inside, but when he’d gone Jamie lost his nerve. Put up this front and told me to forget about whatever he’d been about to say. Acted as though it was nothing important.”

“Right…”

“Then he shot off before I could say another word! I was so fucking confused, Ross. Beyond it actually. And then Vic came over, drunk and spewing a whole load of crap. Asking question after question. She-” I couldn’t say it for a moment, scared if I voiced it that it would sound stupid. But I inhaled and just forced the words out anyway. “She asked if he’d finally told me, if I felt the same way… if he’d kissed me.”

“Oh.” Ross said and I shot him a strained look.

“Oh. That’s really all you have to say?”

Ross’s eyes widened as he chuckled, “Sorry! Just, I mean, it was sort of obvious.”

I frowned. “What was?”

“Jamie. Matt and I have been betting on him asking you out since the week after we met you.”

“Ross!” I exclaimed, in utter disbelief.

“What?” He squawked in retort, mimicking as he withheld a laugh.

“Don’t what me, you knob! You knew he liked me and said nothing??”

“Yeah. I had ten quid on him bricking it whilst Matty reckoned he’d do it before Christmas. Then Christmas passed and we changed the terms to that he’d just ask you out.”

I stared back at him.

“You didn’t tell me because there was money at stake?”

“That, and we both knew it’d drive a wedge between your friendship with Vic. Then she finally caught on to it as well and we were gonna say something, but by then G had come along.”

My brow furrowed, “The fuck has George got to do with it?”

Ross levelled me with a look. I gave him one straight back. And it was then that he blinked and seemed to realise I really had no idea what he was on about.

“Wow. You’re so fucking oblivious, cupcake.”

I smacked his chest. “Ross. I’m not playing about here.”

“Christ.” He hissed, rubbing at his shirt. “Really got some power behind you. Who would’ve thought.”

Scowling, I prodded him again. “Ross, just tell me, would you? You’re driving me mad.”

He huffed but relented, looking me dead in the eye, “George has got everything to do with it, Y/n. I mean, he’s half fucking in love with you.”

I gaped for a short moment, eyes darting between Ross’s own when they never faltered, just waiting for him to tell me it was all a big joke. 

“What?”

“You really have no idea, do you?” Ross chuckled, shaking his head at me like I was some sad little puppy. “But that’s alright, I guess. Seeing as he has no clue that you like him too.”

My eyes widened at the sureness in his voice but before I could even defend myself, the rest of our little group were swanning their way back over, completely unaware of the way my heart was currently deafening my eardrums. Or how it only seemed to pound harder when George handed me a milk lolly I hadn’t asked for, knowing that they were my favourite.

Ross shot me another look, smirking all the while.

Oh, shit.

Part B>

#the 1975 #george daniel #george daniel the 1975 #george daniel fic #george 1975 #george daniel x reader #matty #matty healy #george daniel x you #1975 #best friend matty #the 1975 band #fic #adam hann #ross macdonald #carly holt #1975 band #matty 1975 #series #work #exes to lovers #y/n #reader #multi part fic #x you #x reader #angst #fluff #humour #drama

[sabakos]

Ancient historical figures will sometimes be described as living to some preposterous age that modern humans rarely live to, which is usually assumed to be a legend that's supposed to be proof of their magnificent transcendence. Most historians and classicists today obviously tend to be skeptical of such claims.

But this is why the longevity claims about the Ancient Greek philosopher Gorgias of Leontini are so baffling. Nobody could stand that guy. He wasn't even some mystical natural philosopher like Empedocles or Pythagoras, he was a goddamned traveling sophist, somebody who went around Ancient Greece charging absurd amounts of money to teach other people how to speak well in court.

In his surviving work, Gorgias brags about how his program would help his students deceive others. He also wrote a philosophical treatise arguing that nothing exists, nothing could be understood even if it did exist, and nothing could be communicated to others even if you understood it. His student, Isocrates, claimed he never paid taxes. And he may have also have had a solid gold statue of himself made to donate to the Oracle at Delphi, assuming that wasn't just a legend made up by someone trying to illustrate how vain he was. But nobody who wrote biographies of famous philosophers extolling their great virtues was likely to consider any of this behavior worth emulating, so they weren't about to invent any supernatural powers for him.

But despite all this, people still seem to agree that he lived to be one hundred and eight years old, which was remarkable enough at the time that many people seem to have written about it. Admittedly, he did have the advantage of living in one of the relatively more peaceful times in ancient history, but he was still born 15 years before Socrates and only died 20 years before Plato. Historians say it was probably because he mixed his drinking water with wine, which prevented him from getting sick from waterborne illnesses. So this traveling nihilistic lawyer who got rich teaching other people how to lie possibly got two lifetimes worth of professional philosophy in the middle of the Classical period because he was drunk all of the time. The good die young.

#tagamemnon

[bubu-pharmacy-doctor]

hate to derail the entire blog

what are deadly 60 and operation ouch

Deadly 60 is a show hosted by Steve Backshall. He goes around the world to find a list of 60 deadly animals. These are not animals deadly to humans, no, no, no. These animals must be deadly to THEIR OWN PREY!

Contenders include the blue ringed octopus, our tetrodotoxin baby which spawned a phrase I still use to this day! "It's not pretty, it's deadly!"

In the first series, he fed sting rays, ackowledging that they were the cause of Steve Irwin's death, and iterating to a rather large audience given time, that he would be the last person wanting them to be hated, a quite significant reason why the UK does not see sting rays as deadly, because Backshall genuinely had this much effect on the UK. They did not go on the deadly 60 list.

But what does! IS THE BOTTLENOSE DOLPHIN!

Operation Ouch is a show where Dr. Chris and Dr. Xand (twins!) (and I believe now Dr. Ronx, but they weren't on the show when I watched it. I should probably check out the recent episodes.) show you the true aspets of the human body fit with all the gore! AND MODELS!

Horrible Histories is a comedy sketch show wherein every sketch is historical, whether that be Nigel and "treacle" (we never learn treacle's name, but he calls Nigel honey), the gay paramedics of various eras who only make things worse before RUNNING AWAY RUNNING AWAY as the real paramedics get there, or D.S. Bones, Historical Road Traffic Accident Squad, he got demoted, he doesn't want to talk about it, or Ra, ra, Cleopatra! / Famous beauty coming at ya! / Ra ra, patra Cleo!

These shows fundamentally changed me.

I learnt I'm disabled because of Operation Ouch.

When we covered the Power & Conflict poetry for GCSE Literature, (Checking Out Me History by John Agard) and our teacher was giving us the context, she told us what Mary Seacole did, only mentioning Florence Nightingale, and I had to be the awkward student to ask "I already knew about Mary Seacole, but who's Florence Nightingale?". Everyone looked at me weirdly, one guy (who was bigoted in many ways so we don't trust his judgement) laughed at me because they thought I was an idiot. I'm not an idiot! I just learnt about the whitewashing of history WHEN I WAS EIGHT!

If you saw the massive toxicology spiel on this blog, my interest in such a thing was spawned because of Deadly 60, and it still carries me through biology to this day! IRUKANDJI!!!

#ooc

[azaadrelle-ag]

Well as I said on my prior post. Yesterday I cried from midnight to 2 AM and made some discoveries about myself. I always have been very independent and my family, friends and relatives have always praised me for that.

I always thought that was a great thing, especially because I didn't want their help with anything, but sometimes it hurts me the fact that, because I'm so independent no one usually helps me and I don't want to ask either.

And when someone tries to help me I feel uncomfortable and patronised, but yet I still want to be helped. Never understood why I was this paradoxal existence of human being, who can just make their mind about something (And I'm the kind of person who knows exactly what I want).

While I was crying yesterday I made a not so surprisingly discovery about myself, I'm hyper independent which means I can't just get someone to help without feeling small or uncomfy and lots of others feelings I don't recognize or understand yet.

What really impacted me, was that while I was having my mental breakdown, I realized that it all started when I was six years old. I don't remember much but I remember I was trying to do something by myself at school and I was very afraid but thought I needed to do that alone I don't remember what it was but I remember that two adults come running to me the teacher pulled me and putted me into her arms asking why I was doing that and the doorman of the school did it himself whatever I was trying to do.

They told me I could have died by doing the thing alone, I didn't believe them but since they were the adults I was thankful for getting some help. They then asked to me why I was doing this alone. I said that if no one was going to help me I decided to do it myself. They made me promise that if I needed help I asked them.

I then every time I felt like I needed help I'd ask them and I felt like I could rely only on them because everyone else would put me in second place. WAIT up Az your classmate needs help, WAIT Az your sister needs help, WAIT Az your cousin needs help WAIT Az your friend needs help. So I started believing I should do it all by myself because I'd always be a "WAIT" someone needs it more than you. You don't need it. And you know sometimes I couldn't just wait.

But then my teacher said to me the famous "WAIT" and I understood I really were supposed to do it all alone, my needs weren't as important as the other people around me. So I stopped asking for help and started doing stuff all alone again. But the doorman would still keep an eye on me and help me even though I never asked his help.

Then when I was eight I changed to another school, there was no person aware of my problem so it just made stronger time by time. Because "she's a very independent girl", "so mature to her age" etc.

It has been 16 years since then and I realised I'm tired, I'm healthy but thankfully, but I cannot sit and wait to get it unhealthy, I can't wait until I have panic attacks. So even though it's hard and even though it's self-shaming to me. Imma get medical help I think it's time...

#hyper independence #life #personal history #personal story #memories #mental health #kotoro lives alone #trauma #childhood trauma #trauma response #azaadrelle-ag

[whentranslatorscry]

Hitagi Honeymoon

024

At Futarasan Chugushi Shrine, it seemed impossible to make a visit either way. The treasure house which displayed the sword Nenekirimaru was unexpectedly closed for the day. When something doesn’t go well, it often feels like nothing goes right at all.

In the end, it never stopped raining.

In fact, when we finally arrived at Senjougahara, the sky appeared livid— the whole landscape seemed less like a marsh and more like a swamp.

The gloom intensified in the absence of sunlight, and with even fewer streetlights than the Killing Stone site, it made me imagine the breathtaking night sky we would have seen if only the weather had been clear.

"It's not so bad, really— it's like the Acqua Alta. I'm deeply satisfied just to have set foot on these historic grounds. I have no complaints."

"I appreciate your optimism…"

I think the reason you’re satisfied is not because you set foot here, but because you stepped on the pedal at Irohazaka… This place was certainly as disastrous as the Acqua Alta we had heard so much about.

Wouldn't spending a night here be close to suicidal? There were no tourists or locals around— so desolate that it makes me question if the famous Nikko Toshogu shrine was a mirage. In this bleakness, I doubted we'd even run into a bear.

For safety, maybe we should have turned back and headed to a more populated spot. But, the thought of navigating those steep, hairpin turns in the rain was far from appealing.

Distracted by the rain, I was also unable to uncover why the turns were forty-eight and why the slope was called Iroha.

"How about we take a short and safe stroll, and then enjoy the sound of the rain from the car, while eating some Utsunomiya ham cutlets and dumplings as we reminisce about the old days? Remember when I caught your cheek with a stapler?"

"I'm not so bothered by it anymore, but if you’re going to bring up old wounds, I might have to think of a fitting response."

"I wish Oikura-san could’ve seen this view, too."

"Why?"

"Maybe I should mail it to her."

When the photo of the rain-soaked Senjougahara reaches her, I know the expected reply "It serves you right!" would be sent my way. It’s no exaggeration to say that she lives and breathes solely for the purpose of saying that phrase to me. She’s never sent me an email with any other text.

What kind of life is that?

With such a competition, I can't afford to be careless with my own life either.

But even if it weren't for the rain, the scene would still have been incredibly bleak— or maybe primordial would be more fitting— to the point that it really looked like the aftermath of a battle between gods. Though there was no sense of unidentifiable dread like the Killing Stone.

The battle was long over.

There were no giant centipedes or giant serpents.

And, of course, no foxes. 

It was rather like a place where you felt at ease, as if it was safer because it had already been bombarded. But it was no less bleak.

The fact that it was a marshland made it feel even bleaker than the Killing Stone.

It might have looked different in another season, but I can't help but wish there was a single flower blooming somewhere. Then again, even if one did blossom, it would only be scattered by the rain.

Having arrived at Senjougahara, our initial goal was achieved, barely saving the day, but it was hard to say that anything akin to a honeymoon truly transpired. The objective was the only thing accomplished. 

But I guess that's how it goes.

Unbeaten by the rain. Unbeaten by the wind. Life is a series of small moments of happiness.

There's no such thing as a perfect life.

Just like there were no stars in the sky.

"Hey, Koyomi."

As I wandered through the darkened place in the pouring rain, feeling something akin to an adult's resignation, Hitagi cut in, out of the blue.

"Just as our journey is nearing its end, I have a wonderful proposition for you."

"Uh...?"

"Do I detect a hint of reluctance in your expression?"

"No, it's just that... well, I think your suggestions have rarely been any good."

To be entirely frank, ever since she was Senjougahars, Hitagi had always been like that. She loved surprises, but she was terrible at pulling them off— or so I remarked, even though she probably wouldn't want to hear it from me. She once secretly invited her father along on a date, and covertly obtained a driver's license while still in high school.

More dangerous than surprising.

She offered risks, not thrills.

"Don't worry. I've matured too. Well, it might be better to call it a consultation rather than a proposal. I plan to take your opinion into account and use it as reference too."

"So my opinion is just for reference?" 

"I'd like to discuss our post-honeymoon life while we still have time. We're both quite the workaholics and seldom have the chance to chat like this. We've definitely had our misunderstandings because of it, so I want to make sure that doesn't happen again." 

Somehow, saying something so incredibly honest seemed frightening as a ruse. What could it be? Was she asking for a discussion about the division of household chores after marriage that Kanbaru was also concerned about? Or was it about deciding whether to live in a boathouse or a trailer home while there's still time? 

"Divorce procedures seem so troublesome just to think about. Changing my name back for the second time would be far too much of a hassle."

"Please don't say that you don't want to divorce just because the procedure is complicated, especially when we're newlyweds."

Sure, there might be some significance in having the same surname for a married couple, but that would be in an unpleasant sense. It was like making a contract difficult to terminate by writing a massive number of fine clauses. 

"I'm offering to discuss the issues now so that they don't cause arguments later on. Do you understand?"

"I don't object, but it feels like a rather pessimistic conversation… It's probably better than turning a blind eye to the inconvenience, but give me a proposal that we can get along with, if anything."

"That depends on you, Koyomi. If you agree to my consultation, we can continue to be a lovey-dovey couple."

"Pressure."

Oh well, it's fine. 

Sadly, there was no chance of any interference, and yes, such opportunities were rare. To have an open and honest conversation with Hitagi, just the two of us facing each other for a whole night─- there would be no one to stop us if we did start arguing, but we would cross that bridge when we came to it.

"Well, actually, it's about Shinobu-san─ I mean, Shinobu."

"It still feels weird when you call her without honorifics. What about Shinobu?"

"I've been thinking that maybe we should adopt her, what do you think?"

"Um..."

I couldn't help but glance at my shadow, despite knowing that in this rainy night, there was none to be found— and even if there were, Shinobu wasn't there.

"What did you just say?"

"I said I want to display her on our mantelpiece, but surely you don't mind, do you?"

"That’s like a line from the villain in the movie RRR."

The meaning was generally the same, but I would’ve phrased it more delicately— like the surprise I had planned to launch here in Senjougahara.

Adoption?

"Arranging a familial registry for an aberration child might not be a walk in the park, but I reckon if we ask Oikura-san, she'd be up for forging some documents."

We rely on Oikura far too much.

Why do we try so hard to snatch her hard-fought work-life balance right out of her hands, after all she's survived?

No, that's not the point here.

"Um, Hitagi-san..."

"I know what you're thinking, Koyomi. I can see right through you, after all. Look, I get that you want a blonde little girl all to yourself, but I don't want my husband to own a loli-slave."

"I've really been trying to avoid the phrase ‘loli-slave’ up until now."

"It's not like I just blurted it out on a whim, you know. I've been thinking about it for some time now, even before the wedding. The relationship between you two is very important. I wanted to respect the bond between you and Shinobu, so I refrained from interfering and tried to stay out of it as much as possible. But I can't do that from now on, can I?"

"Well... I've actually been thinking the exact same thing, but..."

"It’s okay, you don't have to put on a front, I'm sure you will still continue to flirt with Shinobu behind my back. In the shadows, literally."

Her trust in her husband is zero.

Not surprising, considering my barbaric behavior in high school.

"But you know, the world is no longer willing to accept that. Understand?"

"Painfully so. In my heart."

"So, as your life planner, allow me to make a suggestion. In order to bring the situation of a blonde little girl living in the shadows and our family to an acceptable societal level, after a trial period, I propose that we raise Shinobu as the eldest daughter of the Araragi family. That is the best current option."

"A trial period?"

It sounds like we're talking about a rescue cat.

But, I understood what she was trying to say— rather, it's spot on. It's almost perfectly in line with what I've been thinking myself.

The only difference between our ideas is the notion of resealing Shinobu using my name. But then again, if I were to argue further, suggesting to take Shinobu in without that core idea in the first place... well, it's somewhat deranged.

Just yesterday, I was convinced it was a great idea. But now, hearing it from someone else, the idea of adopting her seems so odd.

"Hitagi…"

"Yes?”

"Honestly, it's a pleasant surprise. I never expected you to say such a thing—in a good way. Just knowing that you've been thinking about Shinobu, it makes me want to cry with joy."

"Cry. As much as you'd like."

"Your hawkishness scares me."

If we're talking misunderstandings, we've been through one that created a gap between Japan and America. But as a year has passed since then, our feelings have become aligned— how could we not be happy?

But.

"Family is not to be taken lightly. Even if she looks like an eight-year-old, adopting a vampire as a daughter—"

"You mean shortcutting through the pain of childbirth and the nightmarish child-rearing until the age of three, and having a cute child to cherish, right?"

"People who think like that must never become foster parents. You would be as terrible as me at it. You can't just pick the good parts in child-rearing."

"By the time I met you, Shinobu was already a part of your life, wasn't she? No, more than that, she was your other half."

"……"

"I thought that marrying you meant marrying Shinobu as well, but was I mistaken?"

No, you weren’t mistaken. That’s right.

But I can't bring myself to impose that truth on her— even though it seemed she’d already figured out my inner Hanekawa's point. Or perhaps even she had come to this conclusion through her conversations with her own Inner Hanekawa.

That being said, there's nothing left to do but to say it.

Despite our promise not to keep any secrets about aberrations, I wanted to take this one to the grave. But, since I'd allowed Hitagi to go that far, I had no choice but to confess now— even if it sparks a discussion about divorce.

"Hitagi. Shinobu is a vampire."

"She’s an ex-vampire, right? Even six years ago, I couldn't have overlooked having a loli-slave."

"Now, I would definitely agree that it's something that can't be overlooked— but vampires are a completely different species from humans."

In fact, there are even doubts as to whether they are truly alive. The nature of their existence is so uncertain, so fundamentally different, that they can only be described as aberrations.

Urban legends. Street gossip. Rumors in the wind.

"I get it. What you're talking about is her being nocturnal, right? I myself am more inclined to be active during the night, too."

"That understanding is a little flat."

It seemed I wouldn't be allowed to just leave it there; I'd have to lay it out plainly for her. 

"Vampires eat people, Hitagi."

".….."

"And Shinobu has eaten people before—right in front of me during her vampire days. She doesn't eat people anymore, though. Ever since I started protecting her, she's only ever fed on my blood. All the nutrients she needs come through me, so in a way, she's already like my daughter by blood."

There was no reaction from Hitagi. 

The fact that this acute trader didn't respond with an immediate reaction was an indication of the shock she felt— so I continued.

"She doesn't eat people anymore, and I won't let her. But we can't erase her past. In six hundred years, she must have eaten at least a thousand, and not just vampire hunters and specialists alone." 

The real number was likely much higher— Shinobu herself had said as much. 

She possessed a potential danger to the entire human race, and a mere ten years' confinement in my shadow was far from enough to atone for her sins. Plus, her prison was more like a birdcage with an open door.

"To adopt Shinobu is to take such a monster into the family. It comes with responsibility, and socially speaking, it's just as bad as having a loli-slave."

"I think that's where opinions may differ between men and women."

I decided to make a mental note never to use the phrase "loli-slave" again; it wasn't appropriate for serious conversations like this one—which was then interrupted. "Listen, Koyomi."

"Even if this revelation were to destroy our relationship, I would be utterly shattered to think that you believed I'd be frightened by such a small secret. To think that I accepted your proposal with such half-hearted resolve would be an insult beyond belief."

Ah…

She really was angry. Pretty unusual, there had rarely been an instance in which she was this furious before.

"Well, I appreciate the fact that you accepted me, with all my quirks. Even without considering Shinobu’s role in this, I know I'm already a bit weird. But you see, this…"

"My own mother handed her real daughter over to a perverted man."

Hitagi interrupted bluntly.

She had wanted to forget that memory so badly that she prayed to the crab.

"She's an undeniable criminal, even more vile than a carnivorous beast. But even after knowing that, you never created any distance between us or treated me like a broken piece of glass. You confessed your love to me while aware of my mother's situation. And even though we're estranged, she's still my mother. You even proposed marriage to me, knowing full well she'd become your mother-in-law. And that's after you became a police officer."

"……"

"So, do you think I wouldn't forgive you for accepting Shinobu? I'm so mad at you, I could just kill you."

Her words were tumbling out chaotically and gibbering; she was more enraged than ever before.

Even when we had discussed breaking up in the past, she had pushed me to my limits in an orderly fashion— now, with her vinyl umbrella down, I couldn't tell whether she was damp from the rain or the tears streaming down her face.

And I was entirely at fault.

When I first suggested adopting Shinobu, I hadn't taken Hitagi’s feelings into account at all. And even though many, er, just a handful of friends had pointed this out to me and prompted me to consider her feelings, I had only envisioned the typical, conventional reactions.

In considering various possibilities, such as having to make a difficult decision if I made such a proposal or the chance that Hitagi might accept it, I only imagined passive reactions. But never had I considered such a proactive stance, such a twist like those of Irohazaka.

For her to suggest that we go all the way together, she and Araragi Koyomi…

There's no way it could be so straightforward.

"Anyway," my dear began to say.

"Let's let Shinobu suck my blood too—just at the brink."

"Huh? How did you come to that conclusion?"

"I didn't realize that your periodic blood-letting to Shinobu held much significance, but it weighs heavily on my heart. If we're talking about providing nutrition, we can't call ourselves foster parents unless we both let her drink our blood."

"Ah… well, yeah, but..."

What an idea.

It seems like our thoughts are starting to veer off course—I might have misspoken when I said she was already like a daughter to me. Was the reason I couldn't make a snap decision earlier not because the thought of Shinobu's food shocked me, but because I was contemplating such things?

"Hitagi, hear me out. Vampirism might sound convenient, and I won't deny that it has its advantages. But, it has pretty big risks as well."

"I'll carry those risks, like a newborn baby."

"…If Shinobu ever has a brother or sister, they would end up having to bear the same burden—we would force such a bizarre life on them, where not only their sister, but also their parents are like vampires."

"Our child would be frightened by such a thing? If that's what you call misfortune, then we'll just make up for it by making them extra happy."

As happy as we are.

Hitagi declared this resolutely, putting the matter to rest.

"…Kaka."

Unintentionally, I let out a vampiric chuckle— I had made my fair share of mistakes during these past few days, let alone the entirety of my existence. Surely, helping the limbless King of Aberrations during my hellish spring break would be considered the greatest of them— failing to save Oikura or Hanekawa was already an irreversible failure.

But, among them all, there was one choice I seemed to have made correctly.

My choice in a life partner.

"Hitagi, I—"

I was about to say something, whatever it was I was about to say, but at that moment, a sudden gust of wind blew. To call it a gust would be an understatement— it was a gale-force blast.

It was the sort of gale that could be called an instantaneous typhoon, considering it didn't exist on the weather radar a second ago. In an instant, my vinyl umbrella flipped inside out, breaking all of its bones. It took me back to high school where this phenomenon happened to me instead, but that didn't stop me from getting soaked, again, for two nights in a row. The gale blew past us like an arrow shooting through the eye of the giant centipede. I instinctively embraced Hitagi, and found that the wind, comparable to the rush of air before entering a cleanroom, had dried our hair and clothes. And then—

Then, stars filled the sky.

The thick, dark rainclouds that concealed the sky, darker than night and deeper than darkness, vanished in an instant, revealing the spectacle of stars that now rained down on us so generously.

Come rain or spears—

Or a shower of stars—

It wasn’t a meteor shower, but the stars shone with a brilliance that could have easily been mistaken for the Aurora— I instinctively tightened around Hitagi as I held her close.

Hitagi, too, clung to me, her fingers digging into my back as if to say she couldn't believe the sight before our eyes— not unlike a mythical fox wanting to possess me.

Indeed, mountain weather may be fickle, but this transformation was something else entirely. This phenomenon, the polar opposite of a fox's wedding, seemed nothing short of miraculous. The sea of stars looming over us in panoramic grandeur nearly crushed us under its weight— the sheer beauty of it made the hair on my neck stand on end.

Knowing that this was a famous spot for stargazing, I should have expected such a breathtaking sight, but its impact made me forget even to breathe, almost forgetting the very beating of my heart.

This view was anything but bleak.

Where else could one find scenery like this? Could it not rival the starry skies of New Zealand, which, like the Toshogu Shrine, may one day receive World Heritage designation?

Here, in Nikko, the stars shine like nothing else.

If you haven’t seen Nikko, you haven’t seen anything.

Despite never having set foot in the Southern Hemisphere, I was struck by the whimsical nature of tourists— but I was completely captivated.

On cloud nine, so to speak.

Utterly mesmerized. 

"Beautiful..."

Even Hitagi, who was far more experienced and well-versed in stargazing than I, was at a loss for words, barely managing to whisper her awe.

It was hard to believe that just moments ago we had been engaged in a heated debate. As if in harmony, we hugged, and without a care for the dirt on our clothes, we both sat down, somewhere between here and there.

No, we lay down.

With our hands still intertwined.

Just as we had on that very first date.

The ground was completely dry— was this the blessing of the snail goddess, or perhaps the searing stones of hell ready to burn unfillial souls like ours? The latter seemed more likely, but in truth, it was neither.

I thought it wasn’t a meteor shower, but before we lay down, I caught sight of a shooting star in the sky; reflecting faintly against the surrounding stars, it shone uniquely like the Milky Way, taking the shape of a golden-haired girl.

The constellation of the Little Girl?

A girl with bat-like wings sprouting from her back— biologically impossible and aerodynamically implausible.

Yet, with my enhanced vision (although not quite a telescope), I could clearly see the shooting star, and even the giant sword she carried with her.

A sword, not a bow and arrow.

A legendary sword.

She cleaved through the clouds— no, the sky itself. Refusing to curve even once. In a single leap, she slashed straight through in one decisive stroke.

As if demonstrating the proper way to slay monsters.

Boldly and proudly.

"Kaka…"

Again, I couldn't help my vampiric laugh. Laughter was all I could muster— what a feat of strength. To be sure, her vitality has, by some measures, increased like my vision had. But to think she would use the strength originally prepared to battle a nine-tailed fox for the sole purpose of splitting the heavens.

Really, an elaborate escapade.

Just to show my wife and me the starry sky spread above us, altering even the weather itself. It was a feat worthy of the former King of Aberrations. You’re clueless about human society, but you’re the best at surprising us, Shinobu.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I whispered my gratitude three times.

Just like wishing upon a shooting star— but uncertain if it was voiced in time or not. Even with enhanced eyesight, the single streak of light that flashed as the mighty sword was lost among the galaxy of stars.

Leaving the rest to you two young ones.

I felt those words coming from the six hundred-year-old girl.

"That’s…" I spoke.

I remember that day as if it were only yesterday— though it now seems so far away, the treasure I received from Hitagi had become a treasure of mine as well.

"…That's Deneb, Altair, and Vega, right? The Summer Triangle?"

"Full marks."

A thousand marks even.

As she said this, much like a tutor giving lessons for entrance exams, my dear wife gently leaned in close to me, still hand in hand.

And so, today became a day to remember for us.

For our little family.

Husband, wife, and daughter.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

#ikusamonogatari #translation #monogatari series #araragi koyomi #senjougahara hitagi

[amberjazmyn]

"whenever you're ready, baby girl"

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - "whenever you're ready, baby girl"

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - sadness, girl dad x misha, child loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - misha's little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i know this is the third one-shot for misha but i wanted to rewrite this kian egan one-shot for misha. by the way, in this fic, vicki and misha are not together and you are with him. also,west and maison are in this fic even though vicki isn't. as always, lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase like always because that is my new aesthetic. 

masterlist part two

- - -

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow collins, daughter of supernatural actor misha collins and supernatural actress elouisa collins, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her parents are and how famous that then made her and her younger siblings by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer.

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended supernatural family could also see it happening, which terrified them.

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive.

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, misha and elouisa, her baby brother and sister west and maison as well as the extended supernatural family who she called her uncles, aunties and cousins. going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on misha and his wife elouisa. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their first child, eight-year-old willow collins.

"...mr collins? misha, did you hear what i just told you?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, misha blinked a couple of times before responding

"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" misha still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and elouisa

"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."

ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his eldest daughter had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. misha could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his wife could feel it too, holding her husband's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now.

"...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" misha gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed elouisa's hand with the other one

"now, mr collins, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as misha felt his heart shatter

elouisa feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby girl sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her uncles jared and jensen. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst uncles rob and rich put their hands up to take care of her baby brother and sister, west and maison .

"...she doesn't deserve this..." misha croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as elouisa comforted her husband whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly

"...no, she doesn't misha, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis

but, heartbreakingly, misha and elouisa thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her parents

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, dad and baby brother and sister open the door and let in my three of my supernatural uncles. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," uncle jared smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room

"hey, uncle jare!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given uncle jensen and uncle rob a hug beforehand

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of my dad looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind uncle jared's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum, west and maison. it seemed like uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" uncle jensen spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better

"dad's crying, uncle jay but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum and the babies. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three uncles, jared, jensen and rob gave me empathetic smiles as uncle jensen takes a big breath in, rob and jared letting jensen explain

"well, my little chickadee, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your daddy has always been an emotional person like uncle jared, it's different when it comes to you and the babies. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you three because he knows that, one, west and maison won't completely understand why daddy's upset but does know something is wrong and two, they know that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just crying because of how much he really loves you, west, maison and your mummy..." uncle jensen trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, rob, jared and i always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" uncle jensen explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at uncle jared and uncle rob to reassure them

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her parents, her brother and sister, uncles and aunties and even her cousins. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov

having to hide my treatment from my baby brother and sister and cousins for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push them away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with my cousins rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself doses of chemo, my brother west and my cousin jj, who was holding west, had run into my room. thankfully without maison but i digress. before jj screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of parents, uncles and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at jj since i don't think any of my cousins or west or even maison were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood jj and west's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well.

"...jj! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream jj?!" uncle jensen suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind him

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming him down. only for him to turn around and see jj, holding west to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment uncle jensen, dad, uncle jared, uncle rob and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke. then, immediately, jj saw my dad and bolted over to him after giving west a sweet kiss on his head of hair and handing him over. before she then ran over to her own dad as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that jj and west were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in.

uncle jared seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and dad calmed down a sobbing west and whilst uncle rob and uncle jensen calmed down a sobbing jj, "oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!" uncle jared whispered as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo

"is...is this all my fault uncle jared? why westy and jj are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as uncle jared's face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere

"absolutely not chica! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your brother and cousin were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't west and jj's fault either. not like west would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, babe. you are not in trouble at all," uncle jared insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly

however, west and jj had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and jj did. westy just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with uncle jensen, uncle rob and uncle jared when my nurses and parents looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and dad looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and dad. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when dad broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." dad sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. uncle jensen giving jj to uncle rob as he started to run after dad.

"...willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?" mum then spoke up as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair

"n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mom? where...where's daddy going? i...i need him, mommy..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before dad ran off

"...oh, chickee, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?" mom trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head.

"yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mom gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mom looked at me with a sad questioning look, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten?

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my dad? don't worry about me, i have mom with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it?

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your dad, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find dad as it was now just mom and me as she then spoke up

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find dad?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better

"i...i'm scared mommy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mom hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mom smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because mom did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mom and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mom's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, mom hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mommy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mom's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mom's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!"

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the west, jj panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her dad was resting next to his daughter and silently crying whilst uncle jensen tried to calm him down as elouisa took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keeping my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst dad cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. uncle jensen sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on baby, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel uncle jensen try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely mish. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your daughter," uncle jensen whispered to my dad as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes babe, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" dad started to sob and i broke my heart, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he started to cry as my eyes started to flutter open, uncle jensne nudging dad to look up from my hands

"d...daddy," i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, uncle jensen nudging dad to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...daddy, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little girl hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here daddy," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving daddy..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a little bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, couisins jj and tom to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on my cousins, jj and tom, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell you parents, uncles or aunties, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my dad and uncle shay had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your daddy's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your daddy's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to daddy's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed dad and uncle jensen - dad crying into uncle jensen's shoulder as he tried to once again comfort dad.

"i...i'm sorry daddy but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," dad whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt dad grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in austin with her family, the extended supernatural family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where baby west and baby maison sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her dad's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her daddy's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a change i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my dad. so, for the sake of my dad and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright sweetpea?" uncle rob yawned as he slowly woke up, uncle jensen already awake, nudging dad and uncle jared as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mom and the other spouses volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better uncle robbie but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

dad hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "daddy, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as dad gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mommy, westy and maison. both west and maison will be told everything about their older sister," he sobbed softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge my other uncles who watched on in devastation

"daddy? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

dad sobbed again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. uncle jared and uncle jensen tried to comfort him whilst uncle rob comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready baby girl," he sobbed into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?"

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her dad and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her dad and uncles were meant to be filming their tenth season of supernatural. but, it seemed as though since the birth of maison a couple of years ago, back in 2012, and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the supernatural tenth season, they were for now, halting their entire production until further notice. sacrificing it all to take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something they didn't need, an extra "thing" they didn't need stressing over but they didn't. they all saw it as being heroes and just doing what was right. being together as a cast a little bit longer before they are all away for nine months so they could take care of their dying daughter and niece.

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, dad, uncle jared, uncle rob and uncle jensen all sat around my bed. whilst mom, aunty genevieve, aunty dannel, aunty mollie and their kids/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen dad so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my dad. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving uncle rob with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst uncle rob stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, chickadee?" uncle rob whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it uncle robbie?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as uncle rob nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, uncle robbie, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, chickadee, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise uncle robbie ," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as uncle rob hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here uncle rob, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little chickadee," uncle rob whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too uncle robbie but, it's okay. i'll be the ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with uncle jared. in the same way she did with uncle rob yesterday. with uncle jared crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, uncle jared had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was uncle jared that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, uncle jared was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong uncle jay? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, uncle jared scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please uncle jared, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. this wasn't the first time i had seen uncle jared cry but it was the first time i'd seen him cry like this. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying. 

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, uncle jared caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know uncle jared. i'm just, tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i'm done...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, uncle jared quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with uncle jensen. also the girl when waking up after uncle jared had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw uncle jensen. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" uncle jensen joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, uncle jensen had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke uncle jensen *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr ackles. speaking of, what's up uncle jensen, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," uncle jensen explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" uncle jensen pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know uncle jay, that's my honest response," i shrugged as uncle jensen just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud - this was the first time i'd actually seen uncle jensen cry and it was really jarring

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," uncle jensen softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...uncle jensen, wait..." i called out, uncle jensen stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up babe, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little collins', they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed uncle jensen the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you?

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the egan had said her final goodbye her brother west, who was four and maison who was three, both of them not old enough to understand properly, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her dad and uncles to slowly get back into the filming of supernatural's season ten. and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her dad and uncles, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her dad, uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov

talking about all the memories i've shared with my dad and uncles is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. dad, uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" uncle jensen piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were being interviewed by entertainment tonight in regards to supernatural. willow, you were behind the camera but you were so calm and collected that the interviewer didn't know you were there until the end when i was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" uncle jensen explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that jay, does anyone have any others?" uncle rob giggled out as dad piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." dad piped up as we all turned to look at my dad who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage

"what is it mish?" uncle jared smiled as dad took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran on set for the first time. you were waiting behind the camera with mom but got too excited that the moment you knew she wasn't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just aftere you got your cancer diagnosis and before we halted everything supernatural. you had been looking forward to that day on set for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even the crew, when you ran on set to give me a hug and help me with my lines and the scene with us," dad cuddled into me as i smiled - yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me, west and maison surprised mom on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though i was the one that made it considering west and maison were still young. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as dad and my uncles agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as dad moved away from the bed, as did uncle rob, uncle jensen and uncle jared so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that uncle jared had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah uncle jared, you got a question?" smiling at my uncle, i could tell that jared was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" uncle jared gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, uncle jared. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took uncle jared to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as uncle jensen took in a deep breath, dad staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that uncle jensen and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all uncle jensen, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of uncle jensen's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at uncle rob, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to proper days on set and interviews for supernatural for the next week? would you be okay?" uncle rob said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to filming and interviews for the new season for the next week! seriously! i can have mom and if you want, you can have the aunties here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just dad but my uncles as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate season ten of supernatural and the interview promotions to you! and i don't care what you say!" uncle jensen buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you uncle jay! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as uncle jensen hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these interviews and season ten is dedicated to you. we also agreed in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" uncle jensen smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my dad and uncles cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

the filming schedule of supernatural and interviews to promote it were over and they were now starting the convention circuit as episodes started to be aired. it was the third convention. the third convention of their tenth year on tv that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during aunty danneel's shift of looking after her niece, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and aunty danneel had to say goodbye. genevieve, of course, freaked out. the cast were in new york for their third convention, nowhere near austin, texas. whilst the lads were either on stage doing panels or in the green room waiting for their panels, she rang their security guard and drive, cliff kosterman. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the rest of the panel, not the whole convention, just the panel, had been cancelled. just so the lads could fly over to austin and say their goodbyes to their daughter and niece.

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the whole promotional interviews for the tenth season of supernatural and their recordings. and today was the third convention of the convention tour circuit. they were currently in new york for the first of their five consecutive panels there and the other four states. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished their convention tour, being well enough to see their last ever convention of the year. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to convention three and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with aunty danneel, uncle jensen's wife, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, aunty danneel shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, to halfway through or even their first of their final weekend of conventions, not their third one in new york!

"...aunty danneel, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, chickadee, it's alright baby girl!" aunty dee soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"dee...dee, when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was maison's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," she whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of danneel singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear aunty danneel and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear aunty danneel screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so mom, dad and my uncles could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, aunty danneel, screamed and sobbed down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring cliff kosterman, uncle jared and uncle jensen's security guard and driver telling him i was gone. hearing aunty danneel cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!" aunty danneel screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling aunty danneel that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"danneel, please, darling, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for your niece. she wasn't in any pain darling, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you were with her in her last moments when both of her parents couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go danneel," dr phelps said softly as aunty dee's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her parents and her uncles fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" aunty danneel cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive

"i'm sorry dee but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring cliff to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as aunty danneel nodded her head

"yes," aunty danneel was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling cliff

jensen's pov

the amount of fun the four of us were having on this convention tour was insane. but not just me, jared, misha and rob but the entire supernatural cast that was on this convention tour. i genuinely never though that we'd be able to get this happy considering what was going on at home with our daughter/niece willow and my wife danneel who was looking after her. however, as we finished me, misha and jared's panel, cliff came out on stage. he looked distressed and panicked. i bought my mic up to my mouth and i momentarily paused the panel. the fans looked worried as if they had a slight idea of what was happening. since, it was very well known, not just in the spnfamily circle, about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health.

"...i...i am terribly sorry new york but it seems as though we need to momentarily pause the panel. please, stick with us and we'll be back again as soon as possible, thanks guys! see you soon!" i announced as i looked between cliff and misha - both of them looking like the sheer painting of distress and grief

when only, just a second ago, jared and rob had made misha laugh. the first time the dad had laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face.

all of us ran off stage (except rob and rich as they tried to keep the crowd entertained) to where cliff was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. misha grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, cliff dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just misha, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" cliff begins as misha looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what cliff was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in misha's eyes

"what's wrong cliff? are willow and danneel okay?" jared questioned, hoping they were okay as cliff gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. danneel just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, dee was with her, singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated misha's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. misha's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the dressing room was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at cliff to continue telling us what happened. although i knew misha didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt my niece or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding misha tightly - cliff giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, jensen. dee was told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing jensen. i'm going to announce to the fans that the rest of tonight's panels will be cancelled but the rest of the five shows throughout the next five states will be done at a later, pushed back date," cliff then announced as the four of us just stood in shock as we looked at each other and nodded our heads

"thank you cliff. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jet," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole car ride and then plane back to austin, misha would be inconsolable and so would elouisa

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all parents in this family. and we were also uncles and aunties to each other's children.

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. misha couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst elouisa held him close. whilst jared and gen were told to keep an eye on me since i was the only one without my partner since she was already at the house back in ireland with dr phelps and willow. and rob and ruth were wondering how on earth we were going to tell our kids since they were all staying together with our parents.

finally arriving at the house in austin, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, cliff spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on guys, we're here," cliff spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during the promotional interviews and production days back in vancouver for supernatural - not during the convention tour circuit itself - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my niece and my best friend's daughter, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of misha whilst jared and gen took care of elouisa. my hand snaking around misha's waist as we walked into the house. danneel, my wife, is the first person we saw. it was so easy to tell that she had been crying the whole time, just like misha. she didn't say anything, we didn't need her to. i just included danneel into the hold i had with misha and i just held the both of them tightly as they both cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including our children, misha and elouisa and...and a letter for little west and maison that has been separated from their cousins. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning little westy and maison's letter and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but misha and elouisa especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as misha's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, jensen," misha muttered, elouisa smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course mish," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set misha and elouisa off

i watched then as jared walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside misha, elouisa having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

jared's pov

sliding our letters on the bedside table, misha and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his daughter's hand, misha refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his eldest baby girl had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry elouisa, sleep time with willow was always going to be a daddy/daughter thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and misha was in his early thirties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her dad. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her brother and sister grow up and potentially watch them travel through life. 

misha's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her daddy, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like her poppy kevin, her mom's dad, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with her grandpa forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset, taking me back to that day we had to do the same thing with my dad. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her brother west and sister maision grow up or have them become potential older siblings in the future. i just wanted my daughter to wake up and wipe away me and her mom's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that jared and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful jared. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have a daughter as my firstborn," i whimpered out as jared sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does misha," jared smiled softly as i sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain jared. neither did elouisa, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as jared pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know misha, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my daughter," i sobbed out as i could feel jared tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter that jensen gave you, yet, mish? maybe that could help?" jared whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as jared smiled small

"it's okay mish, i can't read mine either and it seems like jensen can't either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," jared whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

now, misha left and it was just jared and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike misha, jared couldn't find it within him to leave his niece alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. jared just couldn't bring himself to leave her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

jared's pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike misha and elouisa since they had to continue taking care of west and maison, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from my niece. which then made me feel weird for talking to my deceased niece. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you wills. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. the rest of our convention circuit will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your dad so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after supernatural ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

sure, we were still in season ten of supernatural with no signs of stopping soon but, it was obvious there were some talks of possibly the ending of the show coming when we reach the fifteenth year mark. but, nothing was set in stone yet. we have had ten great years on air and we had willow for nine of those ten. she's literally been with us basically since the beginning. now she was gone. and it was like i was having to rebuild my life all over again after losing my best friend, a similar thing probably going through misha's mind too, since he's also lost friends and family before as well. 

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little supernatural family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst the loss of my friend hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young niece. god, willow, if you're up there with those friends and your poppy kevin, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? I surrender, I surrender

liked by elouisacollins, jaredpadalecki, jensenackles, robenedict, danneelackles512, genpadalecki, ruthie_connell and 777k others

misha willow storm collins. she was me and my wife's first and eldest daughter. and we got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day elouisa and i found out we were pregnant with little willow, we knew it was a risk to keep her and continue the pregnancy. but, we did anyway and boy are we glad we did. whilst this post only shows me, elouisa and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with her brother west and sister maison are from their last few days together. and because west and maison are still so young and doesn't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share them online, not now anyway. watching my eight-year-old get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate her mommy's birthday as well as her the births of her brother and sister as well as my own birthday will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and meet and watch west and maison grow up for the short time she had with them. watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow, nor was it with my father-in-law, my kids grandfather. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through supernatural's convention circuit for season ten, i am so proud of my daughter for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your daddy, willow storm, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mommy would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, chickadee. daddy will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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elouisacollins our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me 🤍

misha elouisacollins i know babe 🤍 she really was a mini-me

jaredpadalecki breaking my heart here, misha! we miss you every day willow 🤍

misha jaredpadalecki sorry jared but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

jensenackles my god, misha, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

misha jensenackles good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she?

robenedict all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

misha robenedict i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

danneelackles512 our sweet willow storm. miss you, baby girl 🤍

misha danneelackles512 🤍🤍

genpadalecki awe misha, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

misha genpadalecki thank you gen🤍

ruthie_connell oh stop it misha! my heart is broken in two 🤍

misha ruthie_connell i don't want people to forget my daughter ruth🤍

username i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. i remember how much she loved and doted on west and maison 🤍

misha username i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with way too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for west and maison🤍

- - -

this was a one-shot that i wrote way back when in 2020 when corona-rona was really scary and a big bad wolf and it feels both so strange but amazing to rewrite it three-odd years later to see the difference in writing skills and improvements. and apologies are in order for how depressing it is. i did consider changing willow's age since i don't really write about a lot of young children passing away but, i decided to keep it as is because i think it makes the story more impactful because it's not just "old" people that die of terminal illnesses like cancer. but, anyway, i hope in some way you enjoyed reading this as whilst it is sad, i did enjoy rewriting this.

ok ily bye xx

wc; 13469

#misha collins #angst #cancer #depressing #part one #“whenever your ready baby girl” #surrender #supernatural cast

[arson-404]

Hello! @bubblyani inspired me to make this!

Truth | 01

Warnings: 18+, lime, blood, death, murder, suicide, depression

Fandom: Lucifer

Pronouns used for reader: she/her (reader is also AFAB)

Enjoy, loves. <3

"Please? It'll be so much fun!"

Your friend said, putting an emphasis on 'fun'.

You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. "Fine, but if either of us gets kidnapped at this club, it's not my fault."

"Oh my God, you're so dramatic."

"It's my talent. When are we going? I have work to do today." You asked, fumbling with a shirt that was on the floor of your bedroom.

"Does eleven o'clock work?"

You glanced over to the clock, reading the time.

7 PM.

You'd be done with work at around eight-thirty.

Thinking for a moment, you reluctantly agreed. "Okay. LUX, right?"

"Yay! Yeah, the owner's super hot. And so is one of the bartenders. Maya? Macie? Something with an 'a' and 'm'."

"Gosh, you thirst over everyone."

"You would, too, if you saw them! Which you will. Well, I don't know if the bartender will be there, but—"

You two talked a while, until you had to do your at-home work.

You liked working at home because you didn't really like going out to work for countless hours, but sometimes it was nice to let loose.

Like at this club you were going to go to, which you were kind of nervous about.

Your mind gave you flashbacks of one night when you just turned twenty-one and went to a club with your friends, Hørizon was the name.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

The sounds of booming music made it's way to your ears, your head pounding.

"Five shots of whiskey over here!"

"Um, I- I don't think I ca..." Too drunk, you couldn't even finish your sentence, as you wobbled a bit in your seat.

A minute later, a whiskey shot was in front of you — too drunk and tempted, you grabbed the small glass, gulping it down.

Delilah's friend, Tina, paid for the drinks.

The burning sensation in your throat didn't affect you much after the many shots you took before.

Your head turned to your best friend, Delilah, -which you had just met a few weeks ago at this time-, who was selecting the first contact in her phone to call, since she was a little too drunk to dial a number manually.

"Heeeeeyy, Fionaa, we're at a club." She slurred her words a bit, giggling. You could hear the faint voice from the phone.

"Oh my God, are you drunk?" Delilah only giggled in response, too drunk to make a coherent response. "Okay, I'm assuming you're at that one club you went to last week, right?" "Mmmhm!" "Are you with anyone else?" "Errr... like, my friends."

You could practically feel Delilah's friend pinch her nose. "How many?" "Uhhh... one... two... four..." She paused. "Fourth!" She said, giggling, adding a -th to the word she meant to say.

"Alright. You're lucky you're my... friend."

And then you blacked out, waking up at Delilah's apartment on the couch, others on the floor or sharing the couch with you.

You still remember that awful hangover you had afterwards.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

You chuckled at the memory, stretching a bit. After finishing an essay for your boss, revising and editing it, you glanced at the clock, checking the time.

8:51 PM.

It was definitely past 8:30, but you weren't going until eleven.

You had time to pick out your outfit, relax, and do some housework if you wanted to -which you didn't want to-.

Standing up, leaving the chair you'd been glued to for almost two hours, you sighed, making your way to the closet.

You rummaged through it, and after a little, you found an outfit you liked.

Humming, you put it on your bed, along with your extra wallet (which had less money than your normal wallet, so when you went to the club, you wouldn't lose a bunch of money from being robbed or losing it) and some water to put in Delilah's car to sober up after the club.

You checked your phone before putting it on your charger.

Footsteps padded against the floor as you made your way to the couch to watch some of your favorite show, 'The Good Doctor'.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

'Some' turned into almost three hours.

And now you had eleven minutes to get ready.

You rushed to the bathroom to do your makeup — not like anyone would see it, anyway. But you liked doing your makeup, not because you were insecure, but because you just liked trying new styles.

And you really liked eyeliner.

(Reference picture, I think it's Niki Nihachu, but I'm not sure.)

After you were done, you shoved the makeup into your container in the bathroom, hastily going to your room, fumbling with the clothing to put it on.

After about five minutes, you succeeded, and grabbed your phone from the charger, opening your messaging app up.

You

Hey, you ready?

Seen at 10:57 PM.

Lilah 💖

yep. i'm already headed there.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

You

Don't text while driving.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

And don't respond to this.

Seen at 10:58 PM.

You turned off your phone, putting it in your pocket, grabbing your stuff, your wallet shoved in your other pocket, two bottles of water in the other hand.

A few minutes later, your door opened to reveal your friend in a clubbing outfit, her curly black hair mostly laying on her right shoulder.

She had a see-through black top with another top under it, the same color.

Delilah had a black bag, the actual bag part laying on her right hip, the strap on her left shoulder.

She had a black skirt-shorts with a red and black plaid flannel tied around her waist.

The beautiful woman also had long, black, high heeled boots, going up to under her knees, but short enough to walk.

Her tattoos were slightly visible on the lower thighs.

(What I based her off of. Not sure who this is!)

"If I wasn't planning on making a move on that bartender — if she's there, I would try to date you, oh my God, you're gorgeous." Her lips formed a flirtatious, but platonic joke.

"Oh my gosh, you're definitely prettier, what the hell do you mean?" You smiled, winking.

"Alright, you've convinced me, I'm prettier." She said, shrugging her shoulders. You let out a playful pout, "Damn, I'm so broken."

"Whatever, you'll get over it. Let's go!" She smiled, tugging your arm, taking the water bottles and putting it in her bag so you could lock the door.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Soon, you both arrived at the fancy, famous club called LUX.

Excitedly, your friend, Delilah, got in line with you, figuratively jumping up and down with joy.

"Oh my God, you'll love it here, Y/n. All of the men, women, and enbys are definitely gonna hit on you, bae."

"Assuming I'd be confident enough to let them approach me."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling.

You both got closer and closer to the doors of the provocative strip club, you both paid your halves when you finally approached the doors.

Stepping into the building, you both smiled. 'This time, I won't drink as much.' You promised yourself.

Oh, how promises break.

Immediately, Delilah went to the bar — partly for the drinks, but mostly because she saw a particular bartender.

Giggling at the absurdity of her actions, you went to a couch, not drunk enough to have confidence to talk to people or dance — not that most of them would remember, considering how many had drinks in their hands.

You fiddled with a silver ring you had bought about a month ago, which laid on your index finger.

"Why, hello! I've never seen you here before! I would remember a face like yours." A velvet voice was heard, oddly close to you.

'Wait, are they talking to me?'

You whipped your head up, mouth parted a little.

There stood a tall, dark haired man with dark eyes, a black suit with a slightly visible white shirt under it, black, shiny shoes on his feet.

You swallowed. "Hello..."

You should've gotten drunk beforehand.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Hello, everyone! I have no clue how drinking or hangovers work, or strip clubs, since I'm 18, but I hope it's not too far off. 🖤

Sorry it took so long to get to Lucifer, it's more of an introduction to some characters in this chapter.

Also, Delilah is bisexual, and goes by she/they.

The reader is possibly bi-curious, it depends on your view of the reader. <33

Delilah may have a lil' crush on Maze and just thinks Lucifer is hot, haha

#lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar #lucifer imagines #lucifer morningstar imagines #x reader #female reader

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 3

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 9.9k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

"But I want to sleep..." Seohyun complained.

"Is sleep more important to you than us?" Wooyoung asked.

"Of course it is. Is that even a question?" Seohyun raised her brow and Wooyoung gaped at her.

"We've been friends for long now, Wooyoung, I thought you knew better not to ask questions like these," Yeosang said, laughing.

It had been more than a month now since that incident with San. Seohyun looked at each of them slowly, smiling. Despite herself, she had gotten quite used to the company of these boys. And they were EIGHT. It was hard to not be alone. Even if some of them were busy, the rest would always fool around after school as well.

Seohyun had gotten to know them well now too. She knew that Hongjoong, the oldest, also acted like one. He had a thing for fashion, and had reformed her navy blue cap that she always wore, embroidering a cat on it.

Seonghwa was the mom of this group for sure. He was always keeping them in check, always stopping them from doing something stupid (which was most of the times) and always helping them with homework. He was very caring, and he couldn't hide that part of himself.

Yunho was the clown of the group, and surprisingly, she was getting along with him and Yeosang quite well. Yeosang and her had the savageness in common, which mixed well with Yunho's humor. Since the three sat next to each other, they would always pass a joke or two to her even during class, and she had to beg them to stop one too many times.

Wooyoung and Mingi were quite funny too. There was just something contagious about their smiles. Seohyun found herself smiling a lot in their company. It didn't help that Wooyoung laughed like a hyena; even when she had no reason to laugh, she'd burst out laughing when she heard Wooyoung laugh.

She was getting along well with Jongho too, especially because they were paired for a project. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him much but once she did, she found that he was actually quite witty despite his dad jokes, and that he loved singing and... breaking apples. Which was weird but it was fun to see how strong he was.

"All you do is sleep, Seohyun. You have to come with us now," San insisted.

Seohyun stared at San. She was glad they were out of danger -for now. The old ghost had finally moved on after realizing that killing Seohyun was not worth it (thanks to Jiwoo). San had gotten close to Jiwoo as well. When she was not hanging out with the boys, she was with San. He liked being in her company because apparently 'he didn't want to look stupid alone staring at the distance'. He could see all sorts of ghosts now and Seohyun was helping him practice differentiating between the living and the dead.

"All right, but if I see something stupid, I leave. Okay?" Seohyun locked eyes with him and he nodded assuredly, smiling and showing off his dimples.

Hongjoong had been insisting that she finally come to their 'second home'. Apparently it was a warehouse that Hongjoong's father owned but had no use for so Hongjoong turned it into a place for him and the boys to hang out. She had no idea what they did there, and they finally wanted to show her the place because they all 'approved of her now and accepted her as one of them'.

The warehouse wasn't far from school so they decided to walk there. The black cat was walking with them now. San bent to pick her up, patting her head.

"Still didn't come up with a name?" Seohyun asked.

"You rejected Shiber. I don't want any other name," San pouted.

"I told you you could call it Shiber, I'll just... call it whatever I call her... hey what do I even call her?" Seohyun wondered.

"You never actually call her, do you?" San laughed a little, caressing the cat's neck, "She sticks to you, and you didn't even give her a name. I'm disappointed in you."

"I couldn't find the right name," Seohyun mumbled, frowning.

"Still, she's been your friend for what, like a year now-"

"FINE. Shiber. That sounds like a male name though."

"It's my plushie's name, but she reminds me of it," San admitted.

"You're naming my cat after a plushie? SAN!" Seohyun punched San's arm, making him laugh out loud. Wooyoung joined them, grinning.

"San's had that plushie since he was a kid," Wooyoung said. "I'm not surprised that he couldn't come up with any other name."

"You should've told me before, I would have never allowed him to name the cat then..." Seohyun shook her head but grinned.

"We're here!" Hongjoong announced, and Seohyun took off her sunglasses as she looked at the large warehouse, the sun reflecting harshly back at her, making her eyes water.

They went inside, Seohyun stepping in last and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Mingi turned the light on, and she ran her eyes around.

"Woah," she breathed. It really did feel like a 'home'. The place had everything they could think of; sofas, couches, tables, a fridge for snacks, a basket for basketball, and so many musical instruments and equipment. "Are you guys secretly famous musicians or what?"

"Nothing like that," Seonghwa laughed, "We just really like music. Hongjoong is always making songs though. We fool around."

"I wouldn't call this 'fooling around'," Seohyun said, walking towards the equipment, stopping mid-way. "Can I?"

"Of course," several of them replied, nodding. She smiled as she ran her fingers across the piano, looking at the speakers and the mics. She saw some pages, probably lyrics scribbled on them, lying on the table near.

"So you guys... make music? Do you want to be idols or something?"

"For now, we're just exploring," Jongho replied, "Who knows? Maybe some of us might want to go into the musical side."

"So you all sing?"

"I'm the rapper," Mingi said, "Hongjoong raps too."

Seohyun made an impressed face. She pressed some of the piano keys, and something clicked at her mind. She looked up at Hongjoong as a grin spread across her face. "So that's why your fingers are always tapping at the desk. You make music!"

"Oh? I'm surprised you noticed," Hongjoong admitted.

"It's hard to not notice when you're sitting in my vision with fingers tapping nonstop while I'm trying to focus in class. You were doing something like this today, weren't you?" Seohyun said and played the keys that had unintentionally been printed in her memory.

"Woah, I'm more surprised that you remembered it!" Hongjoong clapped in disbelief and then narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you... know how to play?"

"The piano? Not much. But I have a drum set at home," Seohyun said and she saw as the boys looked at each other, applauding her.

"What?" Seohyun asked.

"We knew there was something about you," Wooyoung went on dramatically, waving his hands as he said "who knew we had a shared passion for music?"

"I wouldn't call it 'passion' per se, it's more of a... hobby. A stress-reliever, if you will. And stop ogling at me like you guys won a jackpot. I know what's going through your heads, and I say no."

"But you can play!" Mingi wailed, "We need more people to play the instruments! These guys-" he pointed at the boys one by one, "-they never learn!"

"Hey, hey, hey, look who's saying! Didn't you want to learn drums? What happened to that?"

"I don't have a drum-set!"

"I can play too!" Jongho and Yeosang complained.

Seohyun watched as the boys started arguing among themselves, and she shook her head. She had never imagined they like making music this much. If she had known, she might not have told them about her drums, much less her room full of instruments at a time like this.

"If you don't shut up, I'll never bring any instrument here."

"You mean you will if we shut up?" San asked, followed by Seonghwa who said, "You have more than one instrument?"

Seohyun sighed. "This is overwhelming, okay? Like I respect what you do, but I'm still new to being friends with you all, and it would take me some time to open up to you guys about the instruments. It's just... I have some memories- I don't really want to go back there."

"Oh..." San raised his brow and she bit her lip. She hadn't lied. She had some memories attached to those instruments that she would rather forget. It had been about two years since she'd played. She wanted to shut out that part of herself. She wanted to throw those instruments, but she hadn't been able to.

"Can you just... tell me which instruments you have, other than the drums?" Hongjoong asked cautiously.

Seohyun rolled her eyes. "Drums, bass, electric-"

"WOW!" Wooyoung gasped out very loud.

"-and violin. And I can play piano and guitar too. But it's been like two years since I last played so I'm probably very rough now..."

"Is one of your parent a musician or what?" Yunho asked.

"No, the drums were my mom's. The rest, I bought them when I was going through a phase."

"A phase. Wow," Yeosang snickered, earning daggers from Seohyun.

"Alright, we won't pressure you or anything. But you're free to play the piano if you want to," Yunho suggested, "and you're free to do whatever you want."

"Thanks for understanding," Seohyun muttered, smiling at him.

"But I wanted to learn the drums..." Mingi wailed.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one to teach you," Seohyun said nonchalantly, making him smile his famous gummy smile.

"So anyways, what's with those mirrors?" Seohyun asked.

"Oh, that? We like to dance too," Jongho said.

"Oh my god. You guys should stop watching all those idol videos..."

"But we're good at it!" Wooyoung laughed, "And anyways, even if we don't go down that route, we love doing it anyway. It's our way of releasing stress."

"Sure," Seohyun nodded.

"Don't tell me you can dance too," Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh no. I don't think I can," Seohyun admitted. Unless you could count those random 3 am sad twerks as dancing. The boys watched as she suspiciously tried to avoid their gaze, looking around.

"So now that we've told you so much about ourselves, how about you tell us something that we don't know?" Jongho suggested.

"I don't know what's there to tell," Seohyun said, her eyes unintentionally falling on San who lightly shook his head.

"Anything. Something. It's just that we'd like to know you more," Seonghwa smiled warmly at her.

"How about you just ask me and I'll answer? Because it feels like I'll never be able to start myself..."

"Or how about," Yeosang started, a devilish smile spreading across his face, "we play truth or dare?"

"Oh no..."

----------------

Yeosang made everyone sit in a circle, and though very reluctant at first, Seohyun had to sit down too (after being dragged by Wooyoung). They discussed the rules; they could choose between truth or dare, and if a person didn't want to answer a question they should just say so instead of lying, which would earn them a penalty.

Hongjoong spun the bottle, and Seohyun prayed it would never land on her. At least not today. She wasn't feeling it. She still thought that the eight of them were well knit as they were, they didn't need her between them.

The bottle landed on Yunho, and he laughed nervously. Jongho asked truth or dare, and he replied with dare. Not fair, Seohyun thought. She wasn't sure she would ever choose dare. She had no idea what sort of dares they were gonna give.

"Alright, show us your golden retriever! You haven't done that in a long time!"

"Golden retriever?" Seohyun asked. She had heard them talk about it once or twice, but she had no idea what it was about.

"Ah, I'm getting nervous~" Yunho laughed awkwardly. She supposed it was because he was gonna do it in front of her for the first time.

"Come on, don't be shy," Wooyoung teased and he nodded, taking in a deep breath. He turned his head back, then looked forward, his eyes a bit wide as he made a paw out of his hand and flicked it, barking in the cutest way possible.

Seohyun was silent for a moment before she burst out laughing. She was howling at this point, making the rest of them laugh too.

"At least I made her laugh!" Yunho said proudly.

Seohyun wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. "That was hilarious. You really do look like a puppy, Yunho."

"Thanks?" Yunho said and laughed.

"Alright, next!" Jongho said, spinning the bottle, and to Seohyun's relief, it stopped at Hongjoong who was right next to her. He wailed.

"I choose... dare."

"You all are gonna end up choosing dare. I'll be the only one choosing truth it seems," Seohyun groaned.

"You know what to do," Yeosang said, locking eyes with Wooyoung who nodded. "Michael Jackson impression."

"NO! I CHOOSE TRUTH!"

"It's too late to turn back now!" San said.

"It's embarrassing enough to do it even in front of one of you, and now there's EIGHT of you. Alright. Here goes nothing." Hongjoong got up and straightened his clothes. He took a few steps back so everyone could see. He made the famous pose and sang Billie Jeans, attempting to mimic Michel Jackson's style. It would have been okay if everyone hadn't burst out laughing, making Seohyun laugh a little too.

"How did you even come up with this?" Seohyun asked in disbelief.

"I don't even remember now..." Hongjoong pouted. He spun the bottle, and it landed on Wooyoung.

"Truth," he smiled rather proudly, folding his arms.

"Who do you love more, Hongjoong or Seonghwa?" Yeosang asked. The rest of them laughed as Wooyoung's eyes went wide in panic.

"That's like you're asking if I like mom or dad more! Isn't this unfair?"

"Who did you like more though?" Jongho asked.

"Mom-"

"You like Seonghwa more. Alright, next!" Hongjoong concluded, leaving Wooyoung attempting to explain that it was not like that anymore and he liked both of them equally, but everyone was ignoring him. Seohyun thought it must be an inside joke too.

"Your turn," San smirked at her. Seohyun, who had been distracted and hadn't seen the bottle spin, eyed them suspiciously.

"I move my eyes off the bottle for a second and it lands on me. Are you sure you didn't cheat?"

"We did NO SUCH THING," Wooyoung huffed.

Seohyun locked eyes with each of them. "Fine. Truth."

She watched as the boys looked at each other, suggesting questions while Seohyun tried to calm the rumbling storm of nervousness in her stomach. Should she have gone with dare?

"Can we ask... anything?" Mingi looked at her and Seohyun shrugged.

"I mean, we're friends now, right? So go ahead. If I think it's too personal, I'll say so." Seohyun nodded and the boys looked at each other before finally turning to her.

"What's the real reason you don't have friends?"

Seohyun's eyes unintentionally went to San's, and the boys noticed, looking between the two of them. San shrugged, as if saying 'I tried.'

"Does... San know something?" Seonghwa asked cautiously.

"You don't have to answer, you know that right?" Yeosang added.

Seohyun sighed deeply, nodding. She looked at San again, who nodded back, pointing behind her and mouthing Jiwoo. Seohyun sighed in relief now. She might as well give it a try.

"Since you guys shared something today, I will too. But it's kind of... weird. Unbelievable. You might think I'm lying. You might think worse things. Whatever you think, do tell me, because I can prove it."

"Don't tell me you're some sort of a secret agent," Yeosang said, earning a slap from Hongjoong who shushed him.

"Alright, we'll hear you out," he said.

"I... can see ghosts. The dead."

There was a moment of silence before Jongho raised his eyebrow. "What? You mind saying that again?"

"I said I can see the dead. I can see ghosts. I can touch them. I help them move on."

While the boys exchanged looks, still in disbelief, San smiled at her and Seohyun nervously laughed. She had finally said it out loud.

"So you can... see ghosts? Like in the movies?" Mingi asked.

"Yep. They're just like us. Unless they're old."

"How do we believe you? I mean, you could be joking," Yunho asked.

"Well, San knows," Seohyun said, and everyone looked at San, who nodded, then looked back at her.

"How does he know?" Wooyoung asked.

"Long story. He got caught up in something, which led him to discover my secret and eventually led him to seeing ghosts too."

"You both are mad." Wooyoung laughed nervously.

"You want proof?" Seohyun challenged.

"Sure. I can do with that," Wooyoung folded his arms, anticipating.

"Alright folks, you're in for a surprise," Seohyun heard Jiwoo say. Jiwoo rubbed her hands and went near Seohyun, picking her hair and making it look like it was flying in the air.

The boys... shouted.

"MEDUSA!" She heard someone shout amidst them. San tried to calm them down but it was no use. They all were... freaking out, to put it simply. Half of them were gasping while the other half was laughing in disbelief.

Jiwoo dropped her hair down and they watched as she pulled the sunglasses off her shirt and the glasses magically disappeared.

"Where did the glasses go?" Wooyoung asked.

"Ji- the ghost. Her name is Jiwoo. She's a friend of mine. So when she takes something of mine, it would disappear once I'm not holding it anymore. But-" Jiwoo handed her the glasses back and they watched it appear out of thin air, "when she gives them back, here they are."

"Is this... magic or really a ghost?" Jongho asked.

"It's a ghost, believe me," San finally said.

"So you can see ghosts now too? How?"

"Let me explain," Seohyun said, and narrated the events, giving a little backstory about how she was born with this, and that she actually helped ghosts move on.

"That's kind of cool though," Yunho commented.

"Wouldn't call it cool," Seohyun muttered and Seonghwa noticed.

"It must not be easy to live like this..." he said, and she hesitantly nodded.

"Is that why you changed schools so often?" Hongjoong asked and she nodded. The boys looked at each other, trying to figure out what to say.

"Well, you won't have to worry about that again," Yeosang said, "We'll help you. You won't have to move again if something happens."

"It's not that easy, Yeosang. If something unexplainable happens, I won't be able to hide it."

"Oh don't worry about that," Mingi laughed, "unexplainable things always happen to me. We'll cover for you, trust me."

Seohyun was, for the first time, touched by how earnest they sounded. They really were a weird group of friends.

"I'm kind of jealous that San can see ghosts now too," Hongjoong sulked. "Can't we see too?"

Before Seohyun could answer, everyone else burst into complains too about how they wanted to see too. "Hey hey," Seohyun began, "first of all, it's too risky. I almost died and then San was able to see."

"WHAT!"

"You forgot to tell them that part," San muttered.

"Ah, right. So when I had to teleport San, we ended up in the other dimension, right? So I had to teleport again, and I had a massive nosebleed plus headache. I passed out too."

"Oh..."

"Even if it was easy, I would never do that to you. And I wish I could take it away from San. I wish it would fade," Seohyun said, and San looked at her, shocked. He had not expected this.

"It's not about it being cool, San," she locked eyes with him, "Being able to see ghosts mean you're attracting danger every second. Thank god you can't touch them. That means they're not able to touch you, not directly. I want you all to be safe, that's why I won't ever do that to the rest of you."

There was a moment of heavy silence, then Seonghwa broke the ice. "I understand. It's okay, you don't have to do that. We want you to be safe too, so if you're ever in some sort of danger, don't hesitate to ask for help."

"Thanks Seonghwa, I really appreciate it." Seohyun smiled.

"It's really unbelievable though. What does this ghost look like?" Wooyoung asked, eyes brimming with curiosity.

Seohyun grinned a little. "Well, she's a girl. Jiwoo. She's about my height, has long black hair with red streaks. Has a mole on her cheek. Also, she's weird-"

Jiwoo kicked Seohyun's back lightly, but she just continued. "She died in a car accident. A ghost with amnesia. Unbelievable is the right word, Wooyoung."

"Woah. She sounds familiar though..." Wooyoung looked towards Hongjoong who shook his head. Seohyun noticed but didn't comment on it.

"So you're waiting for her to remember so she can move on?" Hongjoong asked.

"Yeah. She's been sticking with me for months now, and I got used to her."

"Ah... that's understandable," Hongjoong looked at his wristwatch, "Anyways, we should go home now. it's late."

"I thought we were playing truth or dare. This turned into a horror show. How will I sleep at night!" Mingi wailed dramatically, making them laugh. Wooyoung called him 'scaredy cat' and San said, "Like you're one to say."

Seohyun smiled at Jiwoo. This had been an unexpected night, and she had never expected them to believe her and not make fun of her. She looked at the boys, bickering, and smiled at them.

She felt comfortable.

-----------------

The next few days at school had been... annoying, to put it simply.

The boys were very excited at the new discovery about their friend they had made. They simply couldn't contain themselves- save for San, and Seohyun found her patience wearing off day by day.

It wasn't that she was ungrateful for how things had turned out. She simply hadn't expected this sort of a behaviour. Secondly, she did not know how to deal with 7 excited boys who couldn't stop asking her the most stupid of questions.

She had to admit some of the questions did make sense. Like Yeosang asking if a ghost's touch and human's touch was any different. Seohyun shook her head as she thought of how the question had shook her.

"What do you mean?" Seohyun asked.

"Do you feel different when a ghost touches you? Like, Jiwoo. Does her touch feel different than a regular human's?"

Seohyun inhaled sharply as she was reminded of the time she had spent in her music room, laughing, with him, holding his hand, touching-

"I'm sorry, was it a wrong question?" Yeosang finally asked and Seohyun realized she had been staring at him too long.

"Uh, no. I'm sorry I zoned out. I suppose it is- it is a bit different. I don't know how to explain it. It's not... warm."

Seohyun shook her head as she waved off the memory. Another memory made its way....

"This friend of yours, Jiwoo," Hongjoong asked, "is she here right now?"

"She may not find the idea of dying twice appealing," Seohyun muttered.

"What?" Hongjoong furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Now why would a ghost attend school? Surely she doesn't wish to die of boredom. AGAIN."

Hongjoong laughed. "So she's not here? Do you know her full name?"

"Ahn Jiwoo, I think," Seohyun replied. She noticed Hongjoong's eyes gleam as his mind worked.

"How old do you think she is? And can you describe how she looks like?"

"Playing detective, are you?" Seohyun raised her brow.

"Just answer. I may have something."

"Well, she looks our age, maybe a year older, she has an average face, honestly I haven't noticed much. She does have red hair."

Hongjoong nodded slowly, and Seohyun asked when he was going to let her in.

"I'll just check something. If it's true, I'll tell you."

Seohyun shook her head again. She should really be focusing on class. But her mind went back to think of the stupid questions. Yunho had asked if 'ghosts could eat' and when she had replied no, he said he was just wondering if they did eat, did they excrete as well. And if so, was the ghost realm full of-

Shit, she thought as she heard Yunho giggling. "You keep shaking your head. What's wrong?"

"Believe it or not, I was actually thinking about you," Seohyun admitted.

"Oh?" Yunho turned a bit towards her, smirking. "And what scandalous thoughts made you shake your head so much?"

"How in the world could your brain wonder if the ghost realm was full of ghost shit?" Seohyun almost shouted, but clearly she hadn't been quite as well. She earned a warning glance from her teacher and sunk in her chair as Yunho shook with silent laughter.

After the class was over, Hongjoong made his way to Seohyun.

"Is Jiwoo here?" He asked.

"Again, no. Why are you so interested in her?" Seohyun folded her arms and Hongjoong snatched Seonghwa's seat from his spot, sitting near her and placing a book on her desk.

"This is last year's yearbook. We have some photos from an event, and I want you to tell me if you spot Jiwoo."

Seohyun raised her eyebrows. Jiwoo- she could have been a student here?

She supposed it was possible. San turned too, muttering how he can recognize her too, and they flipped the pages, checking each one carefully until finally San pointed at a person and looked at Seohyun, who had paled.

"That's... Jiwoo. How did you know, Hongjoong?"

"I guessed when you told me her name. San told me how she had died of an accident and had amnesia, and I could remember hearing something about a senior here who had died in a car crash. So I put 2 and 2 together and here we are."

"But, this doesn't help much, right? We only know that she was a student here. What's this got to do with how she died, and why she is still here?"

"There were rumours circulating her death," Hongjoong sat back, "Her father was a prisoner falsely accused of some crimes, and she was trying to get justice. I talked to some of my senior friends, who had been her classmates, and they told me that she had started receiving some threats."

"And they must have given all this information to the police too?"

"Yes," Hongjoong nodded, "Now you know her identity. You can talk to her friends, go to her home, and finally help her move on."

San felt his heart sink as he looked at Seohyun. They both were thinking the same thing. Seohyun had grown very attached to her and she did not want to do this. She gulped, and nodded slowly.

"Of course. I guess I should thank you..." As the words left Seohyun's mouth, Hongjoong heard something bitter in her tone.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hongjoong asked, and Seohyun didn't reply, only shook her head no, and San shushed Hongjoong, mouthing that he'd explain later. Seohyun got up abruptly, her bag falling off from the chair. But she didn't hear it. She couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.

"I need some air," she muttered and rushed out of the classroom, leaving the boys staring.

"Shit," San clicked his tongue, "You did the right thing, Hongjoong, but you have to understand. Jiwoo is her friend. A sister to her. If she moves on... I should go after her."

"Are you sure I did the right thing?" Hongjoong asked him as he gave him space to move. San nodded and went after Seohyun.

"It looks like there's more to the story than she lets on," Yeosang commented. Hongjoong only looked at the door. It did seem like it.

San ran around the 1st floor where their class was, then went downstairs, hoping she was somewhere here. After checking the empty rooms, he went outside, towards the lawn, and found a figure sitting near a tree, staring in the space. He narrowed his eyes, then spotted the cat wandering around her, and his shoulders sank in relief.

He wasn't sure if he was the right person to be there. Surely Seonghwa could comfort her better. Or Yunho. But he was the only one other than Seohyun who would miss Jiwoo. He could relate to her, somewhat. So he decided to sit down beside her.

As he did so, he realized she was shaking. San looked at her worried. "Seohyun? Are you alright?"

Seohyun couldn't breathe. She was having some sort of an attack, like the ones she had about two years ago. She heard San alright, but she was afraid if she spoke, she'd cry.

"Here, have some water," San uncapped the bottle and closed her hand around it, and she managed a sip then handed it back to San.

"This is about Jiwoo, right? She's your friend, and you don't want to let go of her. I understand, Seohyun."

Seohyun sighed, fisting her hands. It wasn't just about her. It was the flood of memories that had come crashing without a warning when she thought of Jiwoo disappearing.

San put his hand on hers, caressing it, hoping it would give her some sort of comfort. He looked at her. All her walls, her strong walls she put around her were breaking down. Her lips were parted and wobbling. She looked like she might cry any second.

"You want to talk about it?" he whispered, and she sighed, nodding, taking deep breaths. She wouldn't cry. Not right now.

"You know it. I have grown attached to Jiwoo. Hell, she practically lives with me. I shouldn't have allowed this in the first place. I knew she was going to move on someday, yet I grew emotionally attached to her. I'm so weak."

"You're strong because you helped her too. She had no memories. How do you think she would have felt if not for you? She couldn't even go to her family or friends. You became that for her."

"I know," Seohyun bit her lip. "It's not just that. It's... I- I had someone. Like her. He and I... We were close. And one day, he was gone-" She bit her lip again, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay. You had no one then, right? You have us now. You have more friends than you could have ever thought of. You're so brave, Seohyun," San said, putting an arm around her shoulder, rubbing her back as he smiled. "You're one of the strongest people I know. We're both going to miss Jiwoo, but we have to help her move on. You don't want her to stay here too long now, do you?

Seohyun shook her head. San smiled again as she looked at him, making her smile a bit too. "There. We'll send her off with a celebration, okay? No more sadness. Okay?"

"Okay," Seohyun smiled. She could do that.

"Let's get back to class," San said, getting up first then helping her up. She dusted off her clothes and they walked in comfortable silence back, though San had to admit he felt weird. His heart... wasn't acting right.

Hongjoong casted a cautious glance at Seohyun as she entered, but she passed a little smile as she settled. Yeosang looked curiously at her, and she made a face.

"Is something bothering you?" Yeosang finally asked. He watched as Seohyun sighed. Sometimes it felt to him like she was carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. Like she would bend under the pressure.

But she was strong too. She passed a little smile and said, "Yes. I'll talk about it later."

Yeosang just nodded, watching her curiously as she stared at her notebook. And then she sat back in her seat, staring at San.

---------------

"You're telling me that I was a student here? That this is a big, big 'coincidence' that you had to transfer, of all the schools in the city, right here?"

"For the hundredth time, Jiwoo, yes. I know you think I transferred here on purpose, that I somehow found about your life and didn't tell you, but believe me, this is a big, big coincidence." Seohyun replied, looking at San for help.

San shrugged, saying, "The way you're always hanging around Seohyun, when do you think she even had the time to plot this?"

Seohyun clapped her hand, smiling approvingly at San. "See? I told you he isn't that dumb. That is a great point, San." She watched as San shook his head, the faintest trace of smile on his lips.

The three of them- with the cat, of course, had this meeting in the same park that Seohyun and San had once teleported in. It had took a few days for Seohyun to finally settle with the fact that yes, Jiwoo was going to move on. But it won't be like before.

Seohyun found herself thinking of that time. The piano. His slender fingers gracefully playing music. His hands guiding hers across the keys. His contagious laugh. His deep eyes, covered by dark tendrils of hair-

"Earth to Seohyun?" Jiwoo was clapping in front of Seohyun now and she blinked. She cast a quick glance at San, who was watching her more confused than curious.

"Yeah. I'm back. What are you planning?"

"I suggested we show her the photo. She might recognize some people from the photo." San said.

"Also, I walked around the school building a few times, and it did feel familiar. I thought it was just because it was a school and schools are, you know, pretty much built the same. But I would have the strongest of headaches when I walked there," Jiwoo admitted.

"A ghost having headaches? Here's something to tell Yunho," Seohyun thought out aloud, "Though one might think that death would relieve you of all worldly headaches..."

"It's probably because of my amnesia. But yeah, San's right. I'll have a look at the photo. I'll come to school tomorrow."

----------

"Wow, that's me," Jiwoo gasped.

"Of course it's you," Seohyun muttered. Jiwoo ignored her and continued to stare at her picture. Seohyun cast a look at the boys. They were watching the book flip pages on its own, their mouths slightly open in surprise.

"She can hear us, right?" Wooyoung asked Seohyun, who wanted to make fun of Wooyoung but wasn't quite in the mood. She was more busy thinking if Jiwoo would indeed remember something.

"Come closer, Jongho. We're still in class, no one should see the book moving on its own," Mingi motioned with his hand.

"No one is looking unless you start acting weird," Yeosang commented.

"I'm having the worst headache right now. Is this normal?" Jiwoo asked.

"You're a ghost, unnie. Nothing's normal about you."

Jiwoo tsk-ed at her and then looked at Hongjoong. "He should know something about where exactly I died. If it was an accident, I might be able to remember something."

"Not sure if that would work," Seohyun's mood was very gloomy. San shook his head at her, and she sighed before asking Hongjoong if he knew something about where she had died.

Hongjoong, to Seohyun's dismay, said he'd find out in a minute. It looked like he texted one of his friends, and while they were waiting for an answer, San told the boys what was happening just so they would stop asking after each second.

Seohyun caught Hongjoong glancing at her, as if trying to convey a message. Seohyun understood and casually checked her phone, indeed finding a text from Hongjoong, which read:

There's a possibility that her death might not have been an accident

Seohyun frowned. Was she murdered? Or did she commit suicide? She felt as if it would hurt Jiwoo no matter the answer.

What do you mean?

Hongjoong replied:

I'll tell you later.

With that, Hongjoong told Seohyun out loud that his friend would have to ask around for the address, and that settled it. Jiwoo announced that she was gonna roam around the school again, and maybe that would make her remember something too. She asked San to remind Hongjoong to find out her home address too. That would certainly spark a bulb, if nothing else.

As soon as Jiwoo walked out of their classroom, Hongjoong brought everyone closer. "My friend gave me the address. It's near a restaurant here."

"Why didn't you tell Jiwoo?" San asked.

"When Jiwoo passed away, her friends were told that it was an accident. But according to my sources, they say she was out with some of her friends. They had somehow gotten in an argument, causing her to flee and accidentally crash with a car."

"So it is an accident, right?" Seonghwa asked.

"That's the thing. Some people say that one of them pushed her in front of the traffic, and that they are all covering it up. We have got to find out what happened. Before we tell Jiwoo."

Seohyun pursed her lips. This is not how she thought it would have turned out. Sure, most of the ghosts she dealt with had usually been murdered. But that didn't make hearing any of this easier.

"Alright, we will find out. We need to distract Jiwoo. San, you'll help me out, right?"

"Of course," San said, sitting straighter. Seohyun laid out their plan; they were gonna divide into two. San, Wooyoung, Yeosang and Jongho would lead Jiwoo to a false address, somewhere far from where the rest of them were going to go and actually investigate what really happened. If she had died in a car crash, however that happened, the people around would remember and would be able to recall the incident.

After school, they told Jiwoo that she would go with San to check if that was the right place, since Hongjoong's source could be 'unreliable'. Meanwhile the rest of them were going to find out her home address by asking around. Jiwoo didn't suspect them thankfully, and gladly went along with them.

"I have the home address too," Hongjoong said, "It's on the way to the restaurant. We should pass by there too."

"Yeah," Seohyun muttered. "Do you think I should talk to her family too?"

"I think you should, but after we visit the restaurant. That would certainly give us more information. because all you have now is nothing about the real Jiwoo."

"Point." Seohyun thought it was kind of ironic. She knew nothing about how Jiwoo would have been when alive. The thought of it made her heart twist with pain.

As they walked to the site, Seohyun was so lost in thought that she didn't see the rest of them exchange nervous glances. They all realized that Jiwoo had been her only friend for a good while. And they could definitely see how difficult it was for Seohyun to let her go.

"Can I ask you something?" Seonghwa finally said.

"Whenever someone asks me if they can ask me something, it's usually going to be something about my personal life. Go ahead, shoot."

Seonghwa shook his head. "How many ghosts friends did you have to let go of?"

Seohyun stopped in her tracks. It took her a second before she started walking again. "That is a very good question, Seonghwa."

Mingi and Yunho exchanged looks. They knew she always made remarks like these when trying to avoid something. "Jiwoo has been your friend for a few months. It must be hard for you."

"It is, actually," Seohyun admitted. "And most of my friends, sadly, have been ghosts. They're a better company. I sharpen my dark humor on them. I make a lot of dead jokes, if you haven't noticed that already."

"I did," Mingi raised his hand, smiling sheepishly. "Knowing you can actually see ghosts makes them more funnier."

"I know," Seohyun smiled back.

They finally reached the restaurant. It was a traditional one, with tables set outside as well as inside. Potted plants made for most of the décor, a stark contrast to the mauve and white theme, and the scent of spices filled the air.

Seohyun's eyes traced what could have been a possible path; Jiwoo walking out of the door, a car speeding forward-

"How do you suppose we're gonna find some information? We can't just go and ask them to show us the CCTV footage or something," Yunho said, looking pointedly at the camera.

"We won't have to," Hongjoong said, "We just have to make up a good story. Come on, we're eating something from here."

"Really, Hongjoong? Do you think we have the time?" Seohyun asked.

"Trust me. Come on," Hongjoong said, not waiting for them and walking inside. They seated themselves in the corner, and a waiter came to take their order. After ordering some barbeque, Hongjoong told them that he was going to ask for water while they would be in the middle of eating, and they would start talking about the incident. When the waiter comes, he would hear them talk about it, and provide his comments on the topic without asking.

"If I was the waiter, I'd kick you out," Seohyun said, sitting back and folding her arms, making the rest of them snicker.

"This works every time," Hongjoong said, his eyes glinting with challenge, as he mirrored Seohyun's pose.

"And what if he doesn't talk?" Seohyun asked.

"In that case, I have a backup plan. I don't come unprepared." Hongjoong said, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at Yunho who was sitting beside her.

"Is he always this confident about himself?" She asked.

"When he's sure, yes," Yunho nodded.

"Don't tell me he's a secret investigator or detective or something," Seohyun muttered.

"I could make some similar assumptions about you," Hongjoong muttered back.

"Shut up, blueberry."

"You should, you old-"

"Just because I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm old-"

"Stop it, you both," Seonghwa laughed. Hongjoong pouted. "But do you dye your hair?"

"Yeah. Some years ago I went blonde. Now I prefer the more... dead tones, if you will," Seohyun said, and Mingi grinned. "How's the drum learning going, Mingi?"

"Ah," Mingi sighed, "I still make do with boxes and plates. I think I could do a good freestyle if I had an actual drum set."

"I used to air drum all the time. You should drum along to some songs you like. Really helps."

"I'll try that," he smiled.

"When do you think you're showing us your music room?" Hongjoong asked.

"Not anytime soon," Seohyun said. Before Hongjoong could ask something, they saw the waiter come with their food. Hongjoong muttered ''play along' and started speaking.

"I've been wanting to try this place for a while now. But I heard there was some sort of accident here, so I couldn't come." Hongjoong widened his eyes in signal and Yunho began, "Oh I've tried, and I'll tell you, it's really good."

The waiter set their food, and Seohyun watched Hongjoong and Yunho go on about the restaurant, slightly amused. As soon as the waiter went, Hongjoong frowned at them.

"The three of you could have said something."

"This seemed more natural," Seohyun said. "Two guys raving about food. Nothing suspicious about that."

After a few bites of the amazingly juicy barbeque beef, Mingi asked for water. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"I heard a girl died somewhere around here. They're saying it could be murder. People these days!"

"I'll tell you, sir," the waiter, a middle aged man with wrinkles around his eyes began, surprising Seohyun, "it was an accident. A bunch of students. The usual crowd. Had an argument and the girl went out in a rush- nobody followed. A few seconds later, we heard a horrible sound and screams. The people out there witnessed it."

"But why would people say she was pushed?" Seonghwa asked.

"People make all sorts of stories, girl," the man said, shaking his head in disapproval. "I was inside. I know none of the friends went after her. The crowd outside was too absorbed with their food. Nobody saw anything until the crash happened."

"Ah.. I see. So I guess since this was an accident, the matter cleared up quickly? With the police and all?"

"Of course," the man said, "they saw the footage. Nobody pushed her. A pity that people had to spread rumors like that. Didn't help us. Nobody came here for days."

"I'm sorry that happened," Yunho said, and Seohyun felt that he actually meant it. "I hope more people are coming here now, for the food."

"Oh we're getting back now. Enjoy," the man smiled at them and went away. They all looked at each other.

"So it's an accident. But this doesn't make sense," Seohyun said, "if she died because of her own mistake, why is she still hanging around?"

"Unfinished business?" Mingi suggested.

"Usually happens when someone is killed, but yeah. She must have made it to the hospital and lost her memories during treatment. That must mean she's holding a grudge, or actually has something so important to do that despite her memories being lost, somehow she stuck to this world."

"That makes sense," Yunho said.

They finished the food lost in thoughts, and decided that is that was the case, it was wiser to not talk to her family. She could be holding a grudge against them too.

Though they now knew how Jiwoo had died, and they were one step closer to sorting this all out, Seohyun felt dread creeping upon her.

-------------

"I can't believe you sent me to the wrong address!" Jiwoo exclaimed.

"It wasn't on purpose! Hongjoong's friend confused you with someone else. It seems like he deals with this kind of stuff often," Seohyun was nodding her head along, as if that could convince Jiwoo. "And anyway, at least it wasn't all a waste. We're going to the place where you died, are you sure you're ready?"

"Born ready," Jiwoo said, pumping her fist in the air.

"Born ready but-"

"Don't, Seohyun, just don't" San cut her off, shaking his head. Jiwoo laughed. Seohyun pouted but stopped.

The three of them were going to the place where Jiwoo had her accident. It was only yesterday that Seohyun had come with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi, and had falsely led Jiwoo to someplace else with the rest of the boys. Now, upon constant insistence of Jiwoo, the two of them decided they'd better take her.

It wasn't because Jiwoo threatened to summon a bunch of revengeful ghosts. Nope. It certainly hadn't been that.

"We're close now," San said, pointing ahead, "It's right across the road. You should start looking on your own now. Without distractions."

"Don't look at me, San," Seohyun muttered.

"You're right. You both can... wait for me here. I'll see if it rocks a memory," Jiwoo said, and went ahead, leaving the two of them watching her go.

"Do you think we should be there for her?" Seohyun finally asked, "The memories might be painful."

"I think she should just walk down memory lane. We'd only distract her. Going on her own is sure to bring back some memories."

"I still wonder what made her stay," Seohyun said, and San looked at her. It was one of those moments when she was not wearing a filter. San felt like he was intruding- it was rare to see her so... present. There.

"Have you dealt with many murder cases? Or suicide ones?" San finally asked.

"You think it's one of the two?" She asked.

"I think it could be something simple. I know if I died today, the only reason I'd hang here would be to say a final goodbye. That is, if I die suddenly."

"Believe it or not, those are the hardest," Seohyun turned towards San, "With other cases, it's usually finding justice, or personal satisfaction. But goodbyes are difficult. I wouldn't want that for anyone. It's harder for those who are living."

San narrowed his eyes at her for the briefest moment. It felt like sometimes she meant more with what she spoke. Like there was a backstory he did not know.

"It looks like you've had some experience with that," San asked cautiously. Seohyun bit her lip and he saw the slightest of tremble in her hand before she closed them in a fist. She was suddenly reminded of San's hand on hers comforting her.

"You're right, actually," Seohyun finally said, surprising San, "I'll tell you. I need to move on too."

"You don't have to," San assured, but she shook her head.

"His name was Joon Hyuk. It was two years ago. He and I used to go to the same music academy. We were only friends then, not close, until he passed away suddenly. He had a heart problem."

"I'm sorry to hear that," San said. He truly was. He couldn't imagine how he'd cope if one of his friends met the same fate.

"I was shook, but that wasn't the end of the story. He was hanging on because he wanted to say goodbye to his family. It took him a few days, and I helped him come to terms with his death. That's when we grew close. I used to be home alone, and we'd just sit in the music room and talk all night. He told me all about his life. I told him about mine. He taught me to play the piano." Seohyun shivered a bit but continued. "He said his goodbye, but he still didn't move on."

"Does that usually happen?" San asked.

"No. It was because he found something to stay for. Me."

The breeze made San shiver too as it settled in. His heart twisted with emotions he couldn't recognize. He wanted to comfort Seohyun somehow, but he stood frozen.

"Ironic, isn't it? He found something to live for when he had already died." Seohyun's lips quivered. She stared at the light bulb near her, hoping it would force back her incoming tears. This wasn't the time to cry. She looked at San and smiled, "I knew it was wrong. But I was so alone. I craved friendship. I craved love. And I got it for a while. It was short. He started to change. You remember the old man?"

San nodded. The man because of whom he could now see ghosts too.

"It's like the process sped up. He started to become bitter. It would come and go. When he was sane, I finally told him to move on before he became- that, before I had to force myself to send him away. And he did. Without a goodbye this time. I guess that was the only way he could manage it."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Seohyun. I-"

San wanted to say so much but they heard a scream which was unmistakably Jiwoo's, and with a look at each other, they rushed to the source of the sound. They found Jiwoo clutching at her head, down on the ground

Seohyun rushed to her, sitting down and hugging her, muttering comforting stuff that San couldn't make out. He just stood and provided cover, hoping no one would notice Seohyun hugging the air.

It took a few seconds for Jiwoo to calm down, and when she did, she sighed loudly, looking at the sun.

"It's coming back," she announced. "I remember how I died. My own fault. How dumb is that?" She laughed.

"Glad to see you're back in your spirits," San scoffed.

"You, boy, have been making unintentional puns," Jiwoo scoffed back, making Seohyun grin.

"So how much do you remember?"

"It's coming back. You guys should go your own way. I'll just wait for it to come back. I think I know where to go too. I remember my home. I think- I think I know why I'm here too."

Seohyun and San shared a look. "You wanna tell us?"

"I gotta check something first," Jiwoo said, getting up and helping Seohyun up too. "Off you go."

"Weirdo," Seohyun muttered and Jiwoo just waved at her before she started walking. Seohyun was resting her hands on her hips, tapping her jeans, watching her go with a frown.

"IF YOU MOVE ON WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE I'LL HUNT YOU EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE OR WHEREVER IS IT THAT YOU GHOSTS GO!" Seohyun shouted at Jiwoo, startling San and the couple walking past.

"YOU BETTER HOLD A FREAKING FAREWELL PARTY THEN!" Jiwoo shouted back. Before Seohyun could retort, San took her by the arm and dragged her in the opposite direction, laughing and telling her she should stop before the whole neighbourhood comes out.

"I'll walk you home," San said. He wasn't sure if now was the time to leave Seohyun alone.

"If you insist," Seohyun said, and they walked in silence. San wanted to say something about how she had been wise to send Joon Hyuk off, something to comfort her, but he couldn't find the words. He was sure Seohyun would be too busy thinking about Jiwoo. He decided he'd walk in silence and let her sort her thoughts.

When they finally reached her home, Seohyun looked at San. "You wanna stop for some coffee? Maybe a snack?"

"Oh no, don't bother," San waved her off.

"I have chocolate chip cookies," Seohyun wiggled her eyebrows.

"That's not fair. Lead the way," he said, and Seohyun smiled in victory, letting him in.

Though the house looked plain from the outside, it wasn't such inside. It was well decorated, the brown and white reflecting the walls and the floor, and had an overall homey feel. Plus, it was quite spacious. No wonder she had a music room here.

San sat on the table in the kitchen, looking around while Seohyun made two cups of coffee. The refrigerator had fruit magnets with various lists sticking. Grocery, things to do. Doodles. San smiled. It really did look like Seohyun lived here. His eyes fell on her figure as she rocked back and forth, mixing the coffee. Her hair created quite a contrast with her navy blue shirt. The soft grey hair looked fluffy.

Seohyun turned around, catching San staring at her, and he shifted in his seat as Seohyun set the two cups and the cookies. San took one and bit into it.

"Oomph, that's delicious."

"Thank you. I made them."

"No way!" San was genuinely surprised. "I didn't know you liked baking."

"I like making food," Seohyun admitted, sipping the coffee.

"That sounds so mundane now," San laughed.

"What do you think I did at home? Made talismans?" Seohyun scoffed and San almost choked on his coffee.

"You surprise me everyday, Seohyun. We must look quite boring to you," San said.

"Well," Seohyun munched on the cookie, "You aren't boring. None of you are, actually. Why don't you tell me something I don't know about you then?"

"Well," San imitated Seohyun now, "I collect plushies. And I know taekwondo."

"That's... interesting. Taekwondo and plushies. Wow," Seohyun laughed. "Poor Shiber, I guess."

"HEY!" San frowned. "Your turn."

"I didn't realize we were taking turns?" Seohyun raised her brow but thought about it. "My favourite colour is blue."

"Mine's purple," San said. "I hate vegetables."

"Hard not to notice," Seohyun commented, biting into the cookie and thinking. "I want to be a musician."

"Cool. You can compose for us," San smiled and Seohyun smiled back mockingly.

A thought struck her. "Wanna see the music room?"

San raised his brows. "Can I?"

"If you want to?" Seohyun shrugged. "It's okay. That room needs air anyway."

"Alright then," San finished his coffee. Seohyun got up, her heart thumping. She was right. It was about time she opened that room for someone else. About time she let go too.

"Here we are," she said and fished out keys from her pocket (San thought she must carry them everywhere) and opened the room, turning on the light

It was gorgeous, San thought. A piano in the corner, a drum set in the other, couches as they entered, three different guitars hanging by the wall, a violin case resting on the table. The dim white lights made everything seem a bit eerie, but it smelled like roses, and indeed San noticed a scented candle on the table. It felt like a room full of memories.

"I do come in every now and then, but I don't really play anymore." Seohyun looked around.

"Can I see them?" San asked, and Seohyun nodded.

Seohyun watched as San examined the guitars then walked to the piano, running his fingers on the keys and making some sounds, then off to the drum set.

"I'd pay to see you play," he grinned.

"Oh you won't have to. I'll do that for free one day," Seohyun smiled.

"So you don't play anything anymore?"

"Just the violin sometimes. Or drums when I'm angry."

"Can I hear the violin?" San asked and Seohyun looked at him.

"Pretty please?" He made puppy eyes and Seohyun scoffed. "Now how do I reject that?"

Seohyun opened the violin case, saying something about how it's gonna be short. While she tested the strings and the bow, San sat on the piano stool nearby. Seohyun flipped her hair back and inhaled.

And then she played a tune so melodic, a tune so haunting that San wasn't sure if seconds had passed or minutes. He only saw her face, etched with the most emotions he'd seen on a single person. It was as if she was telling him a secret, baring her soul to him, and he just couldn't decipher it.

When she did stop, San felt short of breath. He just stared at her in awe and she came closer, already having put the violin back. "How was it?"

"That was... breathtakingly beautiful. You were amazing," San said and immediately felt like he should have said something more.

But she seemed to understand. "Thank you," she said. She was leaning against the piano. San got up and came closer.

"Thank you, Seohyun," he said, touching the tendrils of hair that fell on her shoulder, "For everything."

"I- I've done nothing," she almost whispered. San locked eyes with her, still playing with her hair, now his thumb caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

Seohyun stared back at the dark orbs, his gaze so sharp that a part of her wanted to run away but the other part wanted to never look away. San blinked once, then slowly, painfully slowly brought his face closer and kissed her cheek lightly, leaving her out of breath.

Thank you for playing for me," San said, "I'll never forget it."

And then he drew back, and Seohyun came out of the trance.

"If you sugar coat it so much I'll never bring you here again," Seohyun was smiling.

"Nah. Now I'll wait for the day you're angry," San winked, pointing at the drums. "I should give pointers to Mingi."

"HEY!"

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#choi san #choi san au #choi san x reader #choi san fluff #choi san angst #choi san smut #choi san imagines #choi san scenarios #san x reader #ateez au #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho

[softhxtch]

TITTLE: Just Be Here

SUMMARY: Reader just finished a case and her husband, Aaron Hotchner is always there to support her. 

PAIRING: female! reader x Aaron Hotchner

CHARACTERS: reader, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss and David Rossi (literally for a second), Allison (OC)

WARNINGS: child assault and abuse; mentions of misscariage, alcohol usage, body fluids (blood, urine, vomit), pornography.

WORD COUNT: 3,5K

A/N: am i back? i don’t know hahah, but it’s something, right? again in this story Jack doesn’t really exist, sorry. and again CAC - Crimes Against Children.

'Hey, sweetie. You're safe, okay? Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore.', you whispered taking little girl into your arms. She was sobbing quietly with tears falling down her pink cheeks. She was no more than three years old, still in her purple pajamas, that were dirty form all the body fluids person can imagine and also dirty room she was held in. 'You're safe, Allison. You're safe.', you kept repeating and little girl just held her hands around you even tighter.

You looked around the room and the whole sight was just horrible. No windows, barely any lights, cages, blood and urine all over the floor. Just an awful place to be in let alone to live for months. Even the smallest thought of what was going on before the whole team came in gave you shivers and blood started to boil inside you. The place was there for years at that point and no one knew about it. You were just looking at your teammates, taking the rest of the kids out of the building. Some were crying, some were screaming and some were just clinging to the agents hoping that they would never comeback. And they never will. You would make sure of that.

' Allison, we have to go.', you said quietly, trying not to scare her. But little girl just shook her head and tightened her arms around your neck. 'We have to go. You need to see a doctor. It's scary, I know, but I'm gonna be with you all the time, okay?'

It wasn't easy to convince Allison to come out of the building, but after some negotiations and conversations with you she agreed. You're holding her in your arms as close as possible, trying to avoid the blue and red lights that were blinding both of you in the dark night.

Hospitals were always the last place that you're wanted to be. If you were the it only meant that either someone from your team or family was injured or one of the victims from your case were in tragic condition.

To put it straight, hospitals were never a good sign.

But you couldn't go home, not just yet. You promised Allison, that you would be with her this whole time, so you were also there when she got a check up from the pediatrician. You were holding her hand, caressing the back of it from time to time just to reassure her that you're there. Sometimes your would just add how great she was doing and how strong it is.

'Home.', Allison whined as doctor was checking on one of her bruised legs. Few tears fell down her cheeks, which made your hear break. It was horrible to seeing anyone in that position, but especially a child.

'You're doing great, Allison. Just few more minutes, okay?', you said quietly, taking hair out of her forehead.

'I just need to check the other leg and then you can have a long nap, till morning. How does that sound?', doctor asked and written down something on her notepad.

'I think it's great! Do you, Sonnie?', you said with a happy voice, looking at a little girl. She just nodded, still pouting from her cry few seconds ago. 'I'll be right back.', you said when you heard familiar phone ring. Doctor nodded understanding, but Allison held your hand not wanting to let you go. ' Allison, I'll be back in few minutes. I just need to answer that call, okay? You will be able to see me through the glass. I'm not going anywhere and until then you'll stay with Doctor Ashley.', you explained.

She wasn't convinced at all. It took you few more minutes for to actually let go of your hand. You explained everything a least three times. Doctor eyed you few times, but you just tried to ignore her. After years of working with children you knew how long it sometimes takes to convince them. Especially the ones that have been seriously hurt. They just wanted someone to be with them through the whole process and you understood it one hundred percent.

You sent Allison a small smile, saying one more time, that you'll be back in few minutes. After that you left the room and took out phone, dialing number that called you before.

'Hi.', you heard deep, yet soft voice on the other side. You sighed and replied with the same thing. 'Long night?'

'Yeah and I can't even see the end of it.', you answered and heard your husband's laugh. 'It wasn't a joke.', you added, rolling your eyes.

'I know. But it's kind of ironic considering that the sun will be up in less than an hour.', Aaron said. You could hear him moving around the house. Walking from bathroom to bedroom, probably getting ready for work. 'How are the kids?'

'Fine, if you could say it after living in a basement for most of your life and posing for creepy middle aged men.', you answered, feeling the shivers on your arms. The images that you saw literally just came back. And you can expect they will be coming back more often, but this time in your nightmares.

'All alive?', Aaron asked. You could hear him doing something in the kitchen, which made you smile, still looking at Allison. You actually would do everything to be right now with him in that kitchen. Waiting for his famous muffins with bacon and eggs, like he would do whenever both of you had day off.

'Yes, all eight of them.', you nodded. 'You're heading to work now? It's a bit early, even for you.'

'Not yet.', he answered quickly. You could hear another chews from the other side, which actually made your stomach going louder. 'But yesterday I picked up from the post office that coffee table, that you ordered and I thought I would put it together.'

'You're gonna put a coffee table together? At-', you asked surprised, looking at the watch on your phone. '-4:38 in the morning? Are you okay?', you added with a laugh.

'What can I say? I'm just bored without you.', he answered. Right after that you heard a loud noise from the other side and a quiet curse from Aaron.

'You're okay?', you asked, furrowing you brows.

'Yes. I'm looking for the box with all the tools.', he replied. 'I think I'll ask Morgan about them. He'll know what I should use.'

'How about you leave it to me, huh? I'll do it, because we don't want another trip to ER. It'll be third time this year, they'll assume that I'm assaulting you.', you laughed, hearing just quick 'hey!' from your husband.

For the first time in hours you actually felt nice. You didn't had constant fear in your head about the case. You weren't even thinking about it, right now what you were thinking about was Aaron and that stupid coffee table. And he knew about it, that was the reason why he called. After you were in a car with Allison and two policemen, you texted him that the case was over and you're headed to the hospital with victims. Both of you always do it, just to reassure each other that the other person is fine. Aaron on top of that would always call you. He's a very light sleeper, even waking up when you stir in bed sometimes, so every vibrations of his phone wakes him up. No matter what the time is on the clock, he always calls you. He knows how much you love your job and how saving kids was your thing. You loved it, after few years in narcotics unit you know you found your place. But Aaron also knew that you get very into the cases and you involve yourself a lot and if the case goes wrong you blame yourself really hard. Especially being a unit chief, just like him. So he always tried to light the mood even just a little and talk about the day, whatever comes to his mind.

'You're staying in the hospital, right?', it almost wasn't a question. It wasn't anything new to be honest. A lot of the times you would comeback to the hospital with the victims and especially with this case. He knew it wouldn't be different. You were working on it for over a month and it was draining you.

'Don't think I have a choice.', you admitted, looking back at Allison who was also starring at you. The doctor stopped examination and was about to leave. 'One of the girls won't let me go.'

'Just be careful, okay? And take care. Don't forget to eat something.', he reminded, knowing the previous situations.

'I will.', you reassured him. 'I love you.'

'I love you too, sweetheart. Give me a call later in a day.', Aaron said and you agreed.

After you said your goodbyes, you put the phone in the pocket and went back to the room. Allison immediately opened her arms and you laughed coming closer.

'You're back!', she said loudly, which made you laugh even more. Doctor Ashley smiled at both of you and left the room.

'I said I will.', you reminded her, patting her head. You could clearly see the tiredness in her eyes and how hard she was trying not to fall asleep. 'I think it's good time for a sleep.', you proposed, but Jade just shook her head immediately, taking back. ' Allison, you need to sleep.'

'Not sleepy.', she answered quietly, putting knees closer to her chest. 'Don't want to sleep.'

'You've been awake for a long time, Sonnie. You need to rest. I do too. Everyone needs to sleep so they will have energy for the next day.', you explained, but she once again shook her head. 'I'll be there the whole time. Nothing's gonna happen to you. You're safe.'

'Seven minutes?', she asked, trying to stop the yaw. You nodded and observed how she put her head on the pillow, drifting away from the real world.

Aaron Hotchner looked at his watch for the tenth time in the last 8 minutes. He signed and went back to signing papers in front him.

It was a slow day. Most paper work days were slow, but this one was even slower. He just couldn't focus. His thoughts were everywhere but in that office. He was thinking about his wife and what she's about to at that moment, probably still at hospital with the little girl. It was literally breaking his heart when he was thinking about your job and side effects, but also about your personal issues.

Being married for almost six years and together over eight, was something he was very proud of. He loved you with his whole heart and couldn't see anyone but you. The whole team always loved to see when a woman would flirt with Aaron, because it was always so funny to see him nicely declining the actions. Aaron Hotchner was a strong man with a very intimidating vibe, his voice could literally break you into a meltdown and get when a woman would approach him his eyes would always look for you. He just couldn't see his world existing without you.

With that being said he also knows you very well. Whenever something was wrong, he could feel it. Just from the look in your eyes or movement. You almost didn't have to talk to have a conversation. He understood you without any words and so did you.

After long nights when there were only you two together, Aaron knew what you wanted. Be knew all your dreams and wishes. Where you would like to go for vacations or favourite cuisine. Things that he could control. He also knew about your dream job and family wishes. Things he couldn't control and everytime Aaron would think about this, his heart would break into thousand pieces. Because if he could he would give you everything that you wanted and to do that he would sacrifice anything he could.

Quiet sound of a clock, that was announcing noon, got Aaron out of his thoughts. He looked at the clock just to assure himself of the hour and pressed his lips into thin line. Then he just closed the files on the rest, took coat and walked out of the room. Aaron walked to his friend's office and knocked on the door. He opened them after quick 'come in'.

'Dave, I'm gonna be back in an hour.', Aaron said, looking at the older man working on his papers. He looked up with pen still between his fingers.

'Everything's okay?', Dave asked and got quick nod from Aaron. 'Y/N's at the hospital again?'

'Yeah, they finished the case few hours ago so I'm sure she hasn't ate anything since.', he explained. 'I'm just gonna bring her food and come back.'

'No problem. If anything happens, we'll call you.', David said, waving younger man off. Aaron just laughed and closed the door. Then he walked down the stairs, wanting to leave the office.

'Hey, Hotch! Are you going again to get some food?', Emily's voice stopped him from going further. He turned around to face not only her, but three other agents. 'You're going outside, right?'

'Yes, Emily.', he sighed. 'But I'm not going to the place you love to eat from.'

'I figured. But maybe you would want to do us a favor and go there? Since you're already going outside the office.', she explained and Derek started to come closer with JJ right behind him. 'Look, it's raining outside and it's pointless to have two wet agents in the office. We will pay for the gas and also your food, huh?'

'Just text me your order and I'll see what I can do.', Aaron said, rolling his eyes slightly. Then he turned around and started walking towards the elevators, still hearing voices of agents behind him, who were deciding on the order.

Pediatric floor of the hospital was as always busy. Kids running around, parents trying to keep up with them, crying children from everywhere you can imagine and on top of that walls with so many colours, that he thought that someone vomited on them. He had no problem of finding the room where you were. Of course with a help from nurses.

Aaron slowly opened the door from the hospital room. He was expecting for either you or the child to be asleep and he didn't want to wake anybody up. But the sight inside made just his heart to melt.

You were sitting on the couch with Allison sleeping in your arms. Her head was on your chest and arms were really tight around the back. Her moth were slightly open, just like yours. But you also had your head hung back and he was sure he'd hear your complaints about the neck pains for the next week.

Aaron slowly put the package with your favourite food and something tasty for children on the small table near the door. Then he took the blanket from the bed and put it over you and the little girl, knowing how cold you must be from laying down in one place for so long. After that he just put a light kiss on your forehead and with one last look he left the room.

Aaron got to the elevator and took out his phone, checking out one message from Emily.

If you are going to the place near the hospital and there's a girl with short red hair, then say that you would like to order for Agent Prentiss 😘

He furrowed his brows at the message and dialed her right away.

'Did I say something wrong?', she answered after one signal.

'How this girl supposed to know your order?', he asked, looking at the numbers of elevator going down.

'She'll know, trust me. I've been there many time.', Emily laughed and Aaron could practically see her smile through the phone.

'Whatever.', he sighed, hearing the ding from the elevator. 'Oh and Prentiss?', Aaron called and heard quick 'yeah' from the other side. 'Stop sending me emojis. It's highly unprofessional to do it to your boss and it's making me uncomfortable.', he ended, walking out of the hospital.

You could physically feel lighter closing the door to you home. Everything related to work you always tried to leave outside this house and treat this place like an escape. And it was a long few weeks, so you were nothing but happy and relieved that it's over.

The house was quiet and dark. You could only see dim light from the living room and just thinking about it made you smile. You took off your jacked and boots, leaving the bag at the usual place and started walking towards the light. As you saw Aaron sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, you smiled even wider. His feet were on the coffee table and he had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

You leaned on the door frame and with arms crossed on the chest, you observed him.

'I'm awake.', Aaron said with raspy voice. You knew that he was probably sitting here for a while already.

'I know.', you answered and started walking towards the cabinet with alcohols. 'Aaron Hotchner is at home before me. What's happening in this world? Did they closed the FBI building?', you joked while pouring wine into a glass and sitting next to him.

'Very funny.', he answered with a sarcasm. He put arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple.

'I actually am.', you said, taking a sip. 'But I'm glad you're here.'

'Anytime.', he hummed, placing one more kiss on your head.

'Except the time you're working.', you joked and he just rolled his eyes. 'Thank you for the dinner, by the way. Although I would get something to eat myself, you know?'

'Yeah, you would probably eat your first meal of the day right now. I know you, Y/N.', he said, caressing your arm. 'So, how's the girl?'

'Allison?', you asked, reminding yourself of her beautiful smile in your head. Aaron only nodded, taking a sip from his glass, telling you to continue. 'She's gonna be okay, I hope. But she went through a lot.'

'You got close to her.'

'Yeah.', you admitted. 'I know what you think, Aaron. I know that it's not a good thing, I Get close to those kids and then I come home and they're not there. I know how this looks like. But I swear I just want to help them.'

'I know. But also you need to realize, that when they'll go to foster care they won't have someone to look after them every minute they're there. That there's gonna be many more kids their age and the attention you're giving them right now won't be given to them anymore.', he finished, looking down at you.

'Maybe they don't have to go to foster care.', you whispered, hugging your husband closer.

'You want to adopt a child?', Aaron asked slowly getting to the conclusion and realizing something else. 'You wanna adopt Allison.'

'I do.', you admitted. 'But I won't do it.', you added, sitting straight. Aaron just gave you questioning look. 'They found her mother in Portland, she'll come and get her tomorrow. Ignoring the fact that she doesn't have any job, is living in a two bedroom apartment with four other roommates and all the money goes to the alcohol. Yeah, so Allison has a bright future ahead of her.'

'You never know.', he answered. You put head on his chest once again and laid there for few minutes in silence, trying to relax.

'So, you actually put that table together.', you said keeping the eyes in small brown table in front of you, with Aaron's feet on top.

'I thought you'll never notice.', he answered almost sounding hurt.

'Oh, I did. Just wanted to hold the suspension for a little while.', you smiled and kissed him on the lips. 'Derek did it, am I right?', you whispered, narrowing your eyes.

'No.', he answered simply.

'Liar.', you whispered again, kissing him one more time, but stopping after you hear his phone going off. 'Everything's okay?', you asked.

'Yeah, just Emily.' he answered, but started explaining seing your confused face. 'I gave Emily's number to one of the girls that she has crush on from the restaurant. And I guess she had a good evening.', he ended and showed you the text.

SSA aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, you are truly THE  man 🥰🤭💗🍑

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds scenario #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotchner fan fiction #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner scenario #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #david rossi #derek morgan #derek morgan imagine #derek morgan x reader

[sasorikigai]

The EW interview is taken from here (x), and the gif credit goes to @assassiyun​ (Olivia), thank you so much for these amazing gifs!!! 

Two words sent the cast and crew of Mortal Kombat into a frenzy.

The reaction came as a surprise to Hiroyuki Sanada, the lauded Japanese actor of stage and screen, known for roles like The Fool in a U.K. production of King Lear, the "Immortal" in Kirito No Séngyo, the titular Twilight Samurai, and parts in The Wolverine and HBO's Westworld. "I never played a [Mortal Kombat] game before," he admits to EW while taking a break from his latest cinematic venture, the star-studded Bullet Train. But for his role as Scorpion, an iconic fighter from this mythos, perhaps the most iconic, he "researched the character and his history" for some added perspective.

Even then, he was unprepared for the impact a seemingly fleeting turn of phrase would have on his colleagues. "He has two famous words, a punchline or something, that I really enjoyed," Sanada says. Those would be "Come here!" the phrase Scorpion often shouts across the Mortal Kombat games as his piercing whip launches and hooks onto an opponent. Sometimes he substitutes "Get over here!"

"When I performed that signature move with the words in the rehearsal on set for the first time, I had a great reaction from the cast and crew," Sanada recalls. "They said, 'Yeah! I've waited for this moment.' Then I realized how popular this move is."

The first trailer for Mortal Kombat, directed by Simon McQuoid, drops later today, at which time fans will be able to see Sanada, a skilled martial artist, in action as Scorpion. But until then, EW can reveal an exclusive still image of the man once known as Hanzo Hasashi before transforming into a vicious spirit of vengeance. "This was my first time playing a famous game character," the actor says. "Everyone knows his weapons and style. So, I felt a lot of pressure."

The film is, in part, about "the birth of Scorpion," McQuoid says. The opening sequence goes back to feudal Japan where Hanzo is set upon by Bi-Han (Joe Taslim) in what is the latest move between two warring clans. It's at that moment Hanzo crafts his signature weapon: he takes the kunai blade his wife uses to tend the garden, fashions it to the tip of a whip, and unleashes hell.

"I discussed the fighting style with the choreographer and the stunt team and just jumped into rehearsal," he says. "I tried to create an original style. Since Hanzo Hasashi is a character of Japanese descent, I tried to make authentic movements."

It won't be centuries later in the timeline of the film, in the present day, until Hanzo re-emerges, this time with supernatural powers as the fully realized Scorpion from the games — and with him comes another varied fighting style to the character we first meet in the film's opening minutes. Sanada saw the transformation as "a very tasty role for an actor: family man changed to fighting machine." He likes to think of Mortal Kombat as a whole as "a family drama with excitingly brutal fighting." It was this mix between drama and action, two of his long-time loves, that sold Sanada on the part. "Each fight has a reason with the emotion," he says. "The audience can understand why he's fighting, what he's thinking during the fight."

To be clear, the needs of Mortal Kombat weren't as physically demanding for Sanada as his film roles in the '80s. (Samurai Reincarnation, Legend of the Eight Samurai, Sure Death Revenge, etc.) He said as much. "But this is more demanding than any movie I shot in the last 15 years," he adds. "I think."

Mortal Kombat will premiere in theaters through Warner Bros. Pictures and stream for 31 days on HBO Max starting April 16.

Quotes from Hiroyuki Sanada have been edited and condensed for clarity.

#✗ the ineffable testimony of spawned hellfire (scorpion) #✗ i am hanzo hasashi (i) #✗ roaming untethered hellfire (ii) #hanzo hasashi #hiroyuki sanada #(the two names always have been interchangeable for me because I knew Sanada would make a perfect Hanzo/Scorpion) #(and knowing how great of an actor and a martial artist he is) #(I KNOW 1000000% he will deliver) #(I'm completely hyped for MK reboot simply because of him)