#this got me simping for endeavor

[plush-rabbit]

Dating Enji to Get Back at Touya

Request: Idk if youre down to write thing kind of thing but the idea is; Touya is a shitty immature boyfriend whos never treated reader right even though theyve been dating for a long while. They finally break up after a big fight inwhich reader is just done with his bullshit. They sont talk for a while until he sees reader with his father of all people. Reader is with Enji and he treats her RIGHT☆ he spoils her and treats her like the women she is.  Touya is not happy♡  thats it, just reader dating Touyas dad for revenge but actually is really happy w him 

A/N: I’m gonna try a different format here so let me know how you think of it, kind of like a fic, but not a full one

Touya isn’t the best partner to have. He’s never cheated on you, but he’s so dismal of your feelings. He can be mean- ignoring you, walking out on you when you’re crying, staying for a quick fuck and leaving immediately and if he doesn’t leave immediately, he falls asleep and wakes up early to raid your fridge and leave without a note. 

There’s a certain charm to the relationship. Despite him being mean and the fights where he’d raise his voice and tell you nasty things in order to hurt you, to see you cry- he could also be sweet. He’d call you pretty, and kiss your cheek. He could fuck you nice and soft, and kiss you with so much passion you could have mistaked it for some deeper feeling. He wasn’t the type to say sorry, but he would bring you gifts- expensive ones that he’d know you’d like. 

But the fighting is too much. It’s mean and cruel, and both of you brought out the worst in each other. And one day, you had enough. You broke it off and deleted his contact and even though you couldn't bring yourself to delete the text messages, you did.

Maybe you should have gone with his brother, Natsuo, who you know would be a sweetheart and would treat you better than anyone could. Or maybe his sister, Fuyumi. She was always cute and had such a sweet voice. But, for better or for worse, his father was there, going through a divorce and desperate for something or someone to just relieve himself on, you and him both took advantage of one another after a few drinks and a confirmation that both of you were single. 

-

Due to his failed marriage, Enji uses you as a rebound. It works out, really, since all you’re using him for is just to get back at his son. A “fuck you” and the pride- or something far more ugly and hurt- getting to tell him that you fucked his dad in his childhood home. And Enji gets to not be so alone anymore, gets to relieve his stress and use you in all sorts of harsh ways without a complaint. He gets to fuck somebody else while going through a mid-life crisis.

That’s all the relationship that it is, a ”fuck you” and a rebound. 

But then he visits one night after a long day of work, and like father, like son, he wants to use you, forget about his day. Maybe he should have called you, checked to see if you were awake, because even if light peeks out from under the door, you could be asleep. He takes out your key, and tries not to think about the implication of having a key to your home, and opens the door. Enji has memorized the walk to your room already, could walk the exact number of steps and turn without pumping into the corner of the wall if he were blinded. 

He can already feel his cock harden at the thought of getting to scoop you into his arms and have you ride him, to feel you clench and kiss his neck. His mouth salivates at the thought of kissing you. There are whimpers coming inside and his perverted mind, he knows he came at the right time- all it will be for the night is rushed kisses and a wet hole aching for him.

And then he opens the door, and you’re under the blanket, crying and taking shuddering breaths. You’re crying and you take notice of him. You can’t stop the tears, and you can’t mask the heaviness in your voice when you speak.

“Enji,” you sniffle and he stands at the doorway. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” you rub at your eyes and tears drip down the curve of your face- “I didn’t know you were coming.”

He thinks about when Rei would cry and how he’d snarl and yell. How his youngest would stand between them, and he thinks about all he would do is yell even more. Late in the night, he would apologize, and in the morning, he would fuck her, muttering against her skin about how he loved her. 

His lips are dry and he can’t tell you that he just came here for sex.

“I- uh. I’m sorry.” You’re apologizing- for either the awkward situation or for crying. “I’m a mess right now.” You scratch at the space where your shoulder and neck meet and you leave lines behind. “You can leave if you want.” He can leave, because if you had told his son, Touya would have left in a heartbeat and you would cry about it, but you wouldn’t hold it against him. He would come back the next day and wouldn’t ask how you feel. Tears shine in your eyes, and you’re alone in your room, crying. “It’s fine,” your voice breaks and your lips tremble.

He thinks to himself that he doesn’t want to see another significant other cry because of him.

Quickly, he takes steps towards you, and he crouches by the bed. “What’s wrong?” His hand cups the side of your face, a tear catching on his thumb. “Did something happen?”

You start with a few heavy breaths, and your eyes shine and he can see himself in your eyes, kneeled on the floor, trying to comfort you. All you can do is cry, muttering about how work was awful and you can’t stand it anymore. You cry and he has such an urge to hold you, to run his calloused hands down your back and make it all better.

He isn’t sure when it happened, but he’s on your bed, stripped down to a white tank and his briefs, and you on his chest, with hands entangled in one another and his other hand running up and down his back. You fall asleep beside him, and he stares at you for a long time. His arm is asleep under you, and he makes no attempt to pull away from you. 

In the morning, you wake up and make breakfast for him. He sits with you for it, and sits on the couch next to you, his arm spread against the back of the sofa watching the morning news.

“I’m sorry for last night,” you say without looking away from the television. “I- uh- if you have time, I can make it up to you.” Your hand is on the inner of his thigh, and you look up at him, parting your lips and grabbing his hand that rests behind you, feebly guiding it to the back of your head.

“Sorry, but I have to go to work.” He kisses the top of your head and stands up. “I’ll come by tonight.”

If it was Touya, you would have been sure that was a lie, bet your life on it and bet your favorite blanket too. But Enji does come by tonight, and he comes with flowers and takeout and he sits with you, and he kisses you goodnight before sleeping beside you. And in the morning, he’s still there, sleeping beside you with his face buried into your chest.

“You really didn't have to do all this,” you tell him, the petal of a tulip tickling the tip of your nose. 

“Do you like them?” He feels like a child, standing awkwardly, hoping you’d say yes and waiting for your answer is the most nerve wracking thing he’s done all day. You nod and tell him you love them, keeping them close to you and unable to keep your hands off of the petals. And he swells with pride knowing you like what he got you.

-

Dating Enji is odd. He’s been married, but not once has he ever called you Rei. Never treated 

He’s large and imposing. And he’s kind and soft. He likes having you close to him, always a hand on you when you’re within arm’s reach. All the little things are celebrated, and wants you with him. 

you as her or compared you both. He kisses you good morning and kisses you goodnight. He makes you cry and apologizes. He holds you tight and tries to fix himself. You wonder what happened to Toiya to make him be so cruel, but you wonder who Enji was before you, why his ex-wife wanted to divoarce him. Why some of his children don’t call. He must have been mean before. You wait for the other shoe to drop, wait for him to yell at you and call you mean names until you cry. You wait for him to do something, but he never does.

He kisses you sweetly and makes room in his closet for you. He peels you mandarins and cracks open your pistachios. He holds your bags and carries you inside when you fall asleep on the drive home. He treats you so well, and it makes you want him. 

-

Touya was so sure that you would come back to him. Whether it was for a quick fuck or actually wanting to get back together, he wasn’t sure, but he knew- or believed- that you would come crawling back.

And days turn to weeks and weeks to months, and he’s with someone else, hoping that you’d call him in the middle of the night, asking him to come over. 

There’s something that he needs from his father, and when he walks into the smaller house than the one he grew up with- the family home being left to his mother- he can hear your laugh. He thinks to himself that he must be so stuck on you, that you must be the exact same way. It’s early in the morning, and he’s still a bit tired, a headache about to form in the back of his skull, and he thinks that it’s his imagination, until he walks into the kitchen, and sees you leaned against the counter, and his father with his hand on your hip.

Neither of you take notice of him until he clears his throat and you both tense, turning to look at him. 

His father looks a bit ashamed, but you don’t. You wave at him and return to cleaning up the table where two sets of dinnerware rests, a plate once full of food, now just scraps. Touya’s stomach drops and he realizes what all this is. His father fucking his ex, and living with them in some faux happy daydream. 

The worst part of whatever weird situation that he had the unfortunate luck of walking into, is that you actually look happy. 

You wear a necklace, one far better than the one he could ever have given you, and his father is speaking to him, wrds all garbled up and nothing more than nonsense as he stares at you, ready for a punchline, ready for you to be mean and attempt to make him jealous by kissing his father in front of him. All you do is kiss his cheek.

“I’m gonna go throw the trash, ‘kay Enji?” Your fingertips tap at his jaw to turn him towards you, giving him a kiss and walking away. 

You’re on a first name basis with his dad, and his father’s gaze follows you, watching you walk away with a smile he doesn’t think he’s ever seen him make. 

“I know it must be odd-” Enji starts, and it goes unlistened to, only glimpses and phrases, actually making sense. “-it just happened-” , “They’re really nice-”, “I hope you don’t mind.”

The last sentence is such a slap to his face that he gets up and walks out, slamming the front door hard enough that picture frames rattle.

When he goes outside, he finds you there, the bag of trash beside you, and your phone held in your hand. You ask if he’s leaving already, and you wish him for a safe drive. You don’t even give him a spare glance. 

He’s furious and he hates himself and you and his dad. He hates how happy you looked. How domesticated the both of you were- are. He hates how you moved on from him. That you meant it when you said you were done with his bullshit. He thought he would have had another chance. But he knows himself- he would have ruined it too, and even though the relationship was awful, he still went to you when you called him. He still bought you gifts and he still has your house keys.

“Do you live with him now?” His voice is emotionless, and there’s a hint of disgust in there to ask whatever void is growing in him.

You shrug. “Yeah. Got my own toothbrush here and everything.” You smile. “My place was starting to get cramped anyways.”

Inside, Enji calls for you, and quickly, you stand, wishing Touya a good day, and he stands outside with a bag of trash and a key with no home to return to.

#bnha #bnha headcanons #bnha enji #enji todoroki #endeavor x you #endeavor x reader #enji todoroki x reader #touya x you #touya todoroki #touya todoroki x you #touya todoroki x reader #i hoep you like this #this got me simping for endeavor #i think i wanna write for fatgum again #anyways im super tired #hope you like it!! #love you bye!!

[pinguwrites]

You Set My Soul Alight | Jonathan Crane

Pairing -> sub!jonathan crane x villain!reader

Summary -> You and Jonathan Crane have always been at odds. He's an arrogant asshole and you're a sarcastic shit, and no matter what you always find a way to bump heads. The worst part about it is that deep down you find him brilliant and attractive and utterly intoxicating. One day, Crane comes to you with a plea to enticing to resist, and you find this the perfect opportunity to put him in his place.

Warnings -> smut (minors dni), enemies with feelings, sub!Jon acting like a brat, swearing, dom!reader, degradation kink, ma'am kink, unprotected sex, edging, hair pulling, ball slapping, slapping in general, if you squint real hard Jonathan's lowkey a little sexist, bruce wayne is a playboy, reader's kinda a simp

Word count: 5k

Disclaimer: The Dark Knight trilogy/DC characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

Jonathan Crane glared at you, his piercing blue eyes filled with a layer of contempt and almost embarrassment like he was regretting this entire endeavor. It was delightful, seeing him in this state, and you made sure to enjoy every second of it — the way his cheeks were tinting a light pink, his muscles tensed up and his tone coming out a desperate yet still arrogant plea. Moments like these were rare, and you were ready to savor and drag them out every chance you got. 

  “I need your help,” he repeated, his tone distasteful like he was swallowing a bitter pill. “I told you, I need more money for my experiments, but I can’t do it without any funding. Wayne Enterprises is hosting a gala next week. All the richest of the city will be there and all of them are looking to donate. Charity, science, whatever will make them look good. I know you’re going, so I’m asking — as polite as I can be — please, get me an invite.”

You tilted your head to the side, eyes trailing off to look at some random painting on the wall. You briefly wondered how he got past your home security, but after a few seconds, you focused your attention back on him. “Sorry, what did you say? Can you repeat that?” you said with a slight grin.

Jonathan pursed his lips. “Don’t be clever with me.” But then he shakes his head and lets his serious facade go. “We both know you have the connections to score another invite . . . Please, my darling.”

Your heart fluttered at the nickname, the way it always did when he called you that. You wondered if he knew just how much you enjoyed it.

“I like it when you beg, it’s always been a good look on you.”

Jonathan smiles. A mock smile.

“Well, it’s true. No point in getting all upset.” You shrug, heading over to your kitchen to get some iced coffee for the both of you. “Tell me, why should I help you? Why should I help the man who has made it his mission to offend me every time we speak?”

You may have been a little unfair in saying that. Sure, he was a brat, but so were you. In fact, ever since you two met you had always been at each other’s throats, demeaning one another, insulting everything from intellect to personality to looks. You doubt your paths would have ever crossed had it not been for your good friend Harley, who introduced you both one fateful summer evening.

You don’t know what went wrong that day. Maybe it was the weather, the exceptionally hot wind that only frequented Gotham once every couple of years, the ones that made the city cranky and sweaty, or perhaps it was simply a bad first impression, the ones that just happened every once in a while. It had happened far too long ago to remember what it was that made you dislike Jonathan so much in the first place, and you were sure it didn’t matter. According to everyone who knew him, he had always been an ass, but he was good company once you got to know him.

Maybe he was. You wanted to figure that out, to peel away the layers of armor. You could be friends, lovers even. He could be yours. Yours to do whatever you wanted with. Yours to put in place, because god knows he needed it.

You weren’t sure when you started to think like this. To grow an obsession, but you did, and you couldn’t stop your feelings now. You didn’t want to stop. Loving Jonathan was too addictive, no matter how much he pretended to hate you — because you knew he didn’t actually hate you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t stop in once every while, under the pretense of snarky put-downs or brags. He wouldn’t graze his fingers with yours when walking by, and he wouldn’t ask your friends (namely Harley) what you did, what you liked, and what you talked about. 

“Because deep down,” Jonathan answered, following you into the kitchen, “you know I’m brilliant, and you know I deserve your help.” He accepted the coffee, taking a small sip before continuing, “But you’re too prideful to admit it.”

“Maybe I am, but that’s not a good reason. Deserve isn’t enough, Crane. At least not for me. I know you can do better than this, convince me. That mouth must be good for something.”

Jonathan paused, his tongue briefly sweeping over his lower lip, making it glisten in the light of the lamp. You weren’t sure if the brief silence was because he got flustered, or he was just thinking. “Then do it because you want to,” he finally said. “Because you know my research is important and you care for it, enough to do me this one simple favor.”

“I don’t know . . .” you trailed off in a teasing tone.

It seemed like Jonathan was getting annoyed again. “My dear, won’t you help me?”

“I’m still thinking.” 

He groaned. “Pretty please?”

You let out a little sigh, barely audible. “I will. For you.” 

That last part had intended to come off as flirtatious and pretentious, but instead, it was soft and delicate, so vulnerable it took you off guard.

“Thank you,” he said, setting his glass down. He had finished all of the coffee, quickly enough so that there were still ice cubes lying on the bottom of the glass. “I’ll pick you up, around four. Who knows, maybe we’ll even have some fun.”

And that was it. He left through your front door without saying anything else, leaving you with thoughts of the gala and what dress you were going to wear.

That next week you had settled on one and bought yourself a burgundy dress, a beautiful shade of red, one like expensive wine or fresh blood, a color that you knew looked good on you. It was a deep cut that went through the valley of your breasts, but if you pressed your arms inwards just slightly, which you fully intended to do, they would push up. It was a look classy enough for a gala, but still seductive enough to garner attention. 

Originally, you weren’t going to attend the function at all. This kind of stuff had always been boring for you, even as a child who was forced to go, but if Jonathan was going on your behalf then you sorta had to and definitely wanted to.

A ring sounded through your house. He was here. 

You opened the door and took a deep breath once you saw Jonathan. He was dressed in a neat suit, but not like the suit he was wearing when you last saw him. This one was charcoal black, silky, and smooth, with a white handkerchief in his outer breast pocket. His shoes were the same color and looked like they had just been shined, and in his hand was a bouquet of red roses.

“For you,” he said, placing them in your hands. His eyes swept over your figure, and his mouth parted for a moment. “It matches.” You huffed, secretly flattered. “But it’s such a shame.” You furrowed your eyebrows, confused. “Such a pretty little dress wasted on such an ugly little thing.”

You blinked, and then tossed the flowers to the side, letting them fall into a patch of dirt (you were definitely going to pick them up later). “Like you’re such a piece of work.”

“I am,” he said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Men and women love me.”

Despite how attractive you found him, you really didn’t believe that. You were sure his attitude warded most people off, and besides, he was an introvert and a criminal. Dating wasn’t just something people like him did often.

“We’ll see. This gala will be filled with attractive young bachelors. Get one interested in you and I’ll admit you're handsome,” you challenged.

“Admit?” He laughed, a beautiful laugh. “Admit implies that you already find me handsome, you just don’t want to confess so.”

This man needed to be slapped. He needed to be given a good, hard hit across the face.

“You know what? I feel like being alone tonight. I think I’ll just go to the gala without you.”

You were about to close the door, intending to head to your garage, but Jonathan grabbed your wrist and pulled you outside, shutting the door behind you.

“No takebacks. You promised. Where’s your honor?”

“Honor?” You scoffed. “I’m a killer, what did you expect?”

Jonathan must have really thought that you were going to leave because he gripped your wrist tighter. “I’m sorry,” he quickly said. “I’ll be good tonight.” He placed his index finger to his thumb with his free hand and made a zipping motion across his lips. “See?”

“You better be. I’m doing you a favor here. Now, come inside, we’ll take my car—”

“I have a car,” Jonathan said. “I even got us a driver.”

You took a peek over his shoulders. Sure enough, there was a fancy car waiting in the driveway, engine still on. It was difficult to see through the windows but you could make out the faint outline of a man in the driver’s seat.

“If you insist.”

He held out his arm for you to take, and while you did want to, you instead shoved it away. For a moment, you swore a flicker of hurt crossed his face, but it was gone too fast for you to be sure it was even there at all. 

“Where’s my invite?” he asked.

“You don’t have one. You’re going as my plus one.”

“As your date?”

“It’s not a date. I thought you said you were going to be a good boy. What’s with all this complaining?”

“I’m not complaining, I was expressing my feelings. You should work on that. As a psychiatrist, I recommend—”

“—I recommend you shut the fuck up.”

Jonathan put his hands up, surrendering, but he did so beaming.

It hadn’t taken too long to get to the party. Traffic was high as always, but time seemed to be flowing faster than ever, despite you and Jonathan staying silent.

When you arrived there was a line of cars. Wayne Manor, a building you had only been to twice before, was still as impressive as you remember. It was a collection of elegant architecture and stonework, with a large wooden entrance that opened up to a main hall. The size of the driveway and front lawn was a bit unnecessary, at least to you, but what else could you expect from old money? 

After getting out of the car you were greeted by cameras and reporters, lights flashing in your eyes, but you didn’t bother with them. 

Jonathan reached out his hand, and this time you did take it — but only because everyone was watching, and if you pushed him away it would have caused an unnecessary scene. Jonathan’s driver drove the car away for parking and you both walked inside.

The inside was spacious, with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and people dressed classy, with gloves and diamond earrings, all mingling and chatting with each other about the stock market or their annoying ex-spouse or how it was such a bother when their vacation to Switzerland had to be canceled because of work. There was a tray of snacks and waiters walking around with luxurious drinks, something you immediately took advantage of.

“Thank you, sir,” you said politely, taking a glass of champagne, but before you could take a sip someone called out your name.

You turned around to see Bruce Wayne himself waving over to you, a boyish charm about him. He had two women on his arms, models or prostitutes, or both, you couldn’t tell, but they were drop-dead gorgeous. 

Your parents did business with him, and as a result, you met him at a young age. You were never really buddy best friends, but you went to the same school and that was enough for him to invite you to all his parties and greet you as though you were a family friend.

“You know Bruce Wayne?” Jonathan whispered, but before you could answer Bruce approached you both.

“I haven’t seen you around in a while,” he said. “This is Mila and Stephanie. Say hi ladies.” They giggled and waved as he gave the back of your hand a little kiss. “Gorgeous girl. You should wear these outfits more often, you truly look stunning.”

You let him put his arm around your waist, enjoying the compliment. 

“Oh, no,” you said modestly. “It’s just a dress.”

Jonathan chuckles. “Ah, don’t be like that, my darling. You look exquisite.”

You all but glared at him. Now he said you looked nice. 

“What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.” Bruce removed his arm from around your waist and held it out to shake Jonathan’s hand. 

“Dr. Jonathan Crane,” he responded, a little tense. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wayne.”

“Jonathan’s actually doing some research into brain chemistry,” you said.

“Really? Tell me about it, Dr. Crane,” Bruce said, flashing a charming smile. 

“I would,” Jonathan responded, turning to you, “but I don’t wanna bore my girl.”

“Your girl?” Bruce repeated, eyes glancing at you. “ You’re a lucky guy. Tell me how scored such a beauty like her?”

“Oh, it wasn’t that hard.” Jonathan reached around and put his hand on your shoulder. “She was practically falling all over me.”

That was true, but your jaw still clenched. “He likes to exaggerate,” you told Bruce with a little laugh.

“Well, if you ever want to change things up a little, I’m right here.” Bruce winked comically, leaving with his girls.

You could tell Bruce wasn’t joking. It sounded like a serious offer, only told in a joking format so as to not rile Jonathan up, as he was under the impression Jonathan was your actual boyfriend.

“You’re a jealous mongrel,” you told Jonathan once Bruce was out of sight. You both walked over to a more secluded corner. “Can’t imagine the idea of having to share, huh? Had to go and make up stories?”

Jonathan scowled. “He was shameless around you. Be grateful I warded him off,” he said arrogantly. “And it’s not like you guys would have worked out. With what your hobby and all.”

You didn’t say anything. Jonathan was jealous, huh? You know felt a sudden urge to go after Bruce, get a little drunk, and follow him back to his room. It’s not like he wasn’t handsome, he was the most eligible bachelor in the city. And you did like him. He was funny and nice. Plus, you two had known each other for a long while. What a fun trope, especially if it was making Jonathan mad.

“A good fuck needs to work out only for the night.” You shrugged.

“You—you can’t,” Jonathan sputtered out. “You’re here with me, not him.”

“I don’t see the problem. I got you in the door and now you don’t need me anymore. What’s wrong if I have some fun?”

“You can’t.”

You waved him off, though you were enjoying the way he was pouting.

“Brat,” you muttered under your breath.

 “I’m not a brat.” He gave a dry chuckle. “Excuse me for wanting to spend the night with you.”

“Then why don’t you act like it?” You grinned devilishly. “Act like you want nothing more than to be here.”

Jonathan’s breathing hitched. Yours did too.

“You want it?”

“Don’t be scared.”

After you said that he didn’t hesitate to lean forward to give you a hard kiss, bringing his hand around the back of your head to push you both even closer together. He pulled away, his face still close to yours.

“Like that?”

“Yeah, like that,” you breathed out.

“I can give you more,” he whispered in your ear, his breath almost ticklish. “I know you want it. Been fantasizing about me all this time, hmm?”

You smiled coyly.

“For me to bend you over like the whore you are—”

“—Careful, Crane. I might just have to slap you.”

“Say it. Say you want me to fuck you. Fucking say it—”

You took a quick glance around the room to see if anyone was looking, which they thankfully weren’t, and then gave Jonathan a quick, harsh slap to the face.

The force of it made his neck turn, and his cheeks immediately turned red. He stayed silent for a moment, looking up at you through thick eyelashes, eyes narrowed in lust. It was all the conformation you needed to grab his chin, lift his face up, and give him another slap.

Before you could say anything else he pressed his lips up against you again, pressing you up against the wall passionately.

You backed away, and he furrowed his eyebrows, but all you did was grab his hand, feeling a frenzy of desire take over you. “Let’s go.” 

You dragged him through the sea of people and out a backdoor. There were a couple of people walking around in the garden, but you managed to find a place secluded enough for you and Jonathan. The ground was grassy and soft, and no one was walking by. Even if they did, they’d have to be purposefully looking for you two to see you both behind the trees and flowers.

“Lay down,” you ordered.

He grinned but did as you asked. “Here? Outside? You’re such a naughty girl.”

“Do you wanna wait until we get home?”

“No,” he said, a little too eagerly. “I want it now.” He sat up and tugged on your dress, running his hand up your leg. “You’re so soft,” he murmured, planting a few wet kisses on your thigh. 

You sighed contently, enjoying the affection he was giving you. This moment felt like a haze, like the world was just slipping by and you were stuck in time, a feeling that made you wonder if this was a dream or not. The evening sunset and dark sky weren’t helping either. It all felt perfect, too perfect.

“Mmm.” Jonathan reached up and hooked his fingers into your underwear. You snapped out of your trance and swatted his hand away.

“Getting a little touchy there, aren’t you?”

He smirked, looking up at you through thick eyelashes. “Just tryna please you, darling.”

You thought for a moment, then decided that you would let him eat you out.

“Alright then. Please me, Dr. Crane.”

Jonathan’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment at the name, savoring the way it rolled so delicately off your tongue. He lifted up your dress and pulled down your panties. You kicked them off to the side and rested your dominant leg on his shoulder.

He pushed his finger against your folds, making a humming sound. “You’re so wet, darling.”

He leaned forward to suck on your clit roughly.

You lightly gasped at the pleasant sensation, bucking your hips into his face accidentally. You had meant to show more control, but how could you when Jonathan was so hungrily lapping? burying his face into your pussy like he was starved, passionately alternating between licking and sucking.

“Oh, Jonathan.”

His fingers, which had been gripping your hips, moved upward. As he continued to press his tongue against your clit his finger gently prodded your entrance, making sure that you were ready. He pushed his finger, curling it slightly. 

You stifled your moans, not wanting a passerby to catch you two in the act, but you were finding it difficult. He kept thrusting his finger in and out of you, adding another one just a minute later.

You threw your head back, eyes shut. You held his head for balance and relaxed, letting yourself go into a peaceful bliss. But then you felt Jonathan’s teeth nip your bud, biting into it deliberately, and you yelped.

Gripping his hair, you forced him to look at you. His mouth and nose were covered in your wetness, and his lips were curving up into a delightful smile.

 “What was that for?”

He shrugged. “Mmm, I couldn’t help it, Ma’am.”

Instead of reprimanding him, you took the selfish route and pushed his face in between your legs, grinding onto his lips until you felt that familiar sense of elated happiness. You came all over him, your brain shutting off, or rather, getting overloaded at that euphoric, all-consuming release.

You let go of Jonathan’s hair, but he didn’t pull away. He licked up your cum, making your nerves feel overstimulated, but after he was satisfied, he stopped.

“You like that?” he asked.

“F-fuck, yeah.”

You grabbed your panties and put them back on, much to Jonathan’s dismay.

“Where are you going?” He got up, using his sleeve to wipe off the remaining juices on his face. You could see a tent, his cock poking out from under his pants. 

“Home, of course. And you’re coming with me.”

He shook his head vehemently, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing his hard cock against your body. “Let’s finish this here. I can’t wait any longer. Don’t make me wait.”

“If you’re a good boy, you’ll wait.”

“I can’t,” he bitched desperately, hurriedly pulling down his pants. “I won’t. I’ve waited too fucking long.”

You grabbed his cock through the fabric, squeezing it tight in his hands.

His face contorted to one of pleasure and pain. “Huh!”

“You think you can just get what you want? After you’ve such a dick? Oh, ‘she was practically falling all over me’. ‘Such a pretty little dress wasted on such an ugly little thing.’”

“C’mon, I didn’t mean it! You looked so beautiful, I was just trying to make you mad. Be nice . . . Pleaseee?”

You gripped it tighter and he whimpered. “See how pathetic you get the moment I show an ounce of authority? How you start to beg?  If I say something you do it. Do you understand?” He didn’t say anything, his lips still parted in pain. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes!” he choked out.

You let go. “Good boy. Now go call your driver and ask him to pick us up ‘round back. Unless you want everyone to see your erection?”

You gestured to the front of the manor, where through the bushes you could still see people enjoying the party. 

“No, no.” He called his driver, trying his best to cover his erection by interlocking his hands in front of his waist. “You’re a cruel goddess.”

While you two waited for the driver, you peppered sweet kisses along Jonathan’s neck, but when he arrived, you stopped, making him groan at the loss.

Throughout the drive back to your place, you ghosted your fingers over Jonathan’s lap, occasionally resting your hand on his length. Once the driver dropped you both off, you wasted no time in pushing him to your room.

He took off his clothes as did you, his white cock springing up furiously. It was just the right size, bigger and longer than average, almost so that you worried about having to fit it inside you.

His figure was lanky, but still muscled, just the way you thought it would be. You placed your fingers on his chest, twisting his nipples. He shuddered and took off his glasses, placing them on the nightstand. You shoved him down on your bed and he immediately spread his legs, giving you perfect access. 

“Want me to suck you off, Jon?” 

“Yes!” he said impatiently. “Just do it.”

You spanked his balls with your hand, carefully watching the way they bounced ever so slightly.

“Nghh! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Do it whenever you feel like.”

Despite his words, you could see him waiting anxiously for you to touch him.

You did so, kissing the tip of his head and running your tongue through the slit, tasting the salty precum he was leaking. He hissed when you took his entire length. “Ah.”

You gripped your thumb so you wouldn’t gag and took him in all the way, hollowing out your cheeks. He thrusted up, deepthroating you for a hot second before he placed his hips firmly against the bed, not wanting to do anything that would upset you.

“So—so warm,” he stuttered out. “Can’t wait to feel your cunt, if your mouth is this fucking good.”

You would have said something, but your mouth was filled, busy bobbing up and down. He squirmed and moaned, shamelessly being as loud as he could. You could feel yourself getting wet again, but you controlled your urges for the sake of Jonathan.

He brushed your hair out of the way, scrunching up his face. “M’gonna — hnghhh — m’gonna come!”

That was when you pulled off of him.

It took a moment for him to realize what you were doing, but when he did, he wasted no time in complaining. 

“No,” he mewled, tearing up. “I’ve been such a good boy. Such a good boy.”

“Have you?” You giggled.

“I need you, I need this,” he moaned. “I’ve wanted you so bad — that’s why I came to you, that’s why I came to you and no one else. I didn’t even need the sponsors that bad, I just wanted to see you. I . . . I’m in agony,” he continued dramatically. 

“That’s sad.”

More tears ran down his cheek at your nonchalant words. He sniffled. “Please, stop that and just make me come!”

“Okay. I think you deserve it.”

But instead of putting your mouth back on him, you sunk onto his cock, slowly at first, so your pussy could get used to the size.

“Oh, fuck,” Jonathan cursed, placing one of his hands on your waist, his fingers digging into your skin. His other hand went up to play with your breasts, cupping and kneading them like they were pieces of dough. 

You started bouncing, a string of incoherent words and moans leaving your mouth. Jonathan sat up and wrapped you in his arms, kissing down your neck as you moved. 

“You feel so good,” you murmured, clenching around his cock. “I s-should have done this sooner.”

“Should’ve,” Jonathan agreed. “But — ah — we can always do this more often, yeah?”

Too blissed out to respond with words, you just nodded your head, resting your head in the crook of his neck. 

It didn’t take long for both of you to come after that. His hot load spurted inside of you and you came again, but this time on his cock.

He collapsed, exhausted from the sensations. 

You slowly got up, letting out a little wince as you felt his length leave you. You cuddled up beside him, caressing his cheek, wrapping you both in the blanket. He looked a little tired, and you didn’t blame him. So were you.

“You set my soul alight,” he said softly. “You always have.”

You wanted to ask him how deep his feelings ran, if this was just sex, or if it was something more, but when he fell asleep on your breast, you dropped the idea. He trusted you enough to let his guard down around you, and for now, that was more than enough.

The rest of the night was spent holding each other in your arms as you slept. When you woke up in the morning, he was still there, snoring softly like he was a peaceful angel.

You pulled him closer to you. “I’m never letting you go,” you murmured darkly. “Never.”

#Jonathan Crane #Jonathan Crane x reader #Jonathan Crane x y/n #Jonathan Crane x you #the dark knight trilogy #fanfiction #scarecrow x reader #scarecrow x y/n #scarecrow x you #cillian murphy #pinguwrites

[jhuzen]

I hate that tumblr has turned me into a Dottore simp...

But now I can't stop thinking about Dottore with a boyfriend with ADHD. Would he make notes?? I also think it would be extra hilarious if the reader was his lab assistant, like-

Dottore: How the hell did you get this done so quickly??

Reader: I haven't eaten, drank or moved from my desk for the last 12 hours.

-Morax

to worry a physician [m.reader]

morax anon and i are so in sync in the simping game, it’s beautiful. this is why ily. this was hilarious to write LMAO. so here’s another quickie for you. also don’t imitate dottore’s methods, he’s a lil unhinged 😔

𖦹 slightly suggestive in the end (again do not imitate dottore’s methods), a brief use of dottore’s real name

“H-Hey now… let’s not… jump to certain actions that we might soon regret…”

The cold metal was difficult against your back, you felt like a slab of meat hurled on some form of metal chopping board. You tried to get up but your beloved was quick to push you back down.

You winced as the buckles tightened around your body.

“You know how much I despise hypocrites, [Name].”

Suffice to say, it was a miracle that you were the last man standing amongst the myriad of assistants that the infamous second harbinger have been given. He went through all of them like a child digging into sweets ferociously, sometimes even quite viciously tearing them all apart limb from limb.

And yet somehow, you were the odd one out. You somehow managed to even keep up with the asinine nonsense that Dottore prattles on and on, writing down notes that you can barely organize either because your master is already jumping on the next topic, that or simply because there are tendencies of you forgetting to do them.

But even that didn’t trip you up. Because by a shot of luck, the harbinger found himself curling into your presence and starting to appreciate your efforts to a certain degree. He’s merciless, but he’s grown lenient on days where you are completely restless. Dottore may be cruel but he’s not a hypocrite.

Perhaps it is why you’re proudly wearing the title as Dottore’s far more favored being than the rest — his dearest beloved, a promised love that Dottore could never bother to share with others. He was possessive, that’s for sure, and he will keep you away from anything and anyone, even from the many segments of himself. It was hilariously pathetic, it’s like seeing a cat get so terribly territorial — only that it’s the very same cat that can lobotomize you in a split second if you so much as screw up any of his work.

However, it was as if it was innately built in you to catch up with him. It’s why Dottore finds you so interesting and remotely entertaining — the fact that you can barely make an organized effort on certain things, but when it comes to him, you’re all ears and can fulfill just about any task he has given you. Truly, you are his pride and joy and there can be no one in this world that can even refute that in the slightest.

But even Dottore can be extreme in his expression of affection, often toeing the threshold between something wholesome and adorable to something completely insane.

And aren’t you just the klutz, making the poor doctor worry.

You knocked on the door before entering — Dottore already told you to come in regardless, considering that you’re the only he has given his permission to do so. But still, you were his assistant, and even as his boyfriend, you still held a high degree of respect to the man (lest you barge in on him on his bad day and end up becoming a lab rat).

“I got what you asked for.”

Tearing himself away from his work, the doctor turned to you, half of his brain still very much attuned to the poor monstrosity of a cadaver that he just recently hacked away and toyed with, “What did I ask for?”

“Uhh… well, financial expense report for your Balladeer project in Sumeru, some relevant literatures for your current… cadaver endeavors, the new assignments that you got from the Jester that you somehow managed to push on me, the letter from Sumeru’s grand sage that you kept on whining about, and some samples that you asked from some poor unfortunate soul out there.”

Dottore’s eyes narrowed as he retained all the errands you’ve listed. Only for him to turn to you, a look of complete skepticism plastered on his temporarily unmasked face, “…That’s everything that I asked you to do.”

You slowly nodded, “…Yes? Is… something wrong with that?”

“I have made precise calculations of the average arrival of every single thing that I asked from you. A good half of them would have taken you a few weeks at most.”

“…Yes, well aware of that.”

You suddenly felt your poor tie getting yanked down as you came face-to-face with your normally unhinged lover, “Are you slacking on me? Are you cutting corners? You know I have no tolerance for such things.”

“Wait, dear— my tie.”

“I believe that head of yours should be the focus of your concerns, dear.”

At this point, resistance was futile, so you merely gave in with a sigh, carefully placing the basket filled with every single thing that he asked for. Dottore gave a side glance at your submissions, almost taken aback by the mountainous height of the papers you’ve stacked.

Still, while he may be lenient on you on certain things, he knows and expects that you above all are aware of the fact that he highly prioritizes his work. He still has to keep you in line after all if you’re starting to slag on your duties as his assistant.

“This is suspiciously early. It’s only been four days since these assignments. What did you do?”

You laughed a little, “You know I would never jeopardize your work, Zandik. I’d rather be six-feet under than even consider that in the first place.” The way his red eyes glowered, was enough to make you feel small, “…I… swear it…”

“Talk.”

“I only had to cut out a few unnecessary things on my schedule so I can focus on my tasks… like… sleep or… meals. Just… a couple, I promise.”

That wasn’t true. It wasn’t a deliberate cutting out. It’s only that you’ve fixated on your work and that you were always itching to be on the move that you completely lost track of your time and ultimately screwed with your time frame in eating and sleeping. You barely ate and barely slept and your stack of work was the testament of that.

What. Dottore blinked slowly as his brain processed the information you so very generously dropped on him. You, in your efforts of focusing on your tasks… had managed to cut off the only very reason why you’re even alive in the first place. The most necessary part of your day, which now somehow was deemed as otherwise, was cut out of your schedule just to do his work.

Dottore has discreetly admired your dedication as his assistant, and quite frankly that was the reason why you’re still alive and still sleeps in the same bed as he does every single night. But something about the fact that you’ve neglected yourself just for his work was enough to irk the ruthless doctor.

The loosening grip on your tie tightened into a vice and before you knew it, your back was met with the cold hard surface of an empty operating table — it wasn’t even one of those that bend and are cushioned for comfort, it was where he often placed his experiments in.

“Wait, wh—” you quickly swallowed your complaint the moment you saw his eyes glinting dangerously down at you.

“I need to pry your brain open.”

You almost choked on air as you heard your lovers words, you immediately propped yourself up by your elbows, “What do you mean pry my brain open?!”

“I mean cracking that thick skull of yours to see whether or not something went wrong in your wiring,” Dottore’s movements were swift as he climbed up to the table, straddling your hips as he reached for the belt buckles attached at the side of the this cold metal slab.

“H-Hey now… let’s not… jump to certain actions that we might soon regret…”

And now here you are, at a complete stalemate with your beloved boyfriend, with you completely under his mercy. You were tied down and those leather straps were not at all helping you in making your grand escape. Not to mention, you can’t exactly just shove off your boyfriend.

“Not eating or sleeping for days just to complete your work would have been admirable had it not been for the fact that you need it.” Dottore sighed, reaching out a gloved hand to cup your face, squishing your cheeks together, “And here I thought you were slacking on your work… only to find something far worse.” The grip on your cheeks tightened.

You only shot him a pleading look, absolutely trying not to get your brain picked on. Your beloved had finally granted your reddening cheeks some mercy as he let go of it, “It’s not exactly something I can help, y’know? It just comes onto me naturally.”

“You not eating or even barely sleeping for the next four days is natural?” The harbinger was perplexed to say the least. “Would you like me to repeat that again so you can hear just how utterly asinine your words are?”

Huffing, you turned your cheek to the other direction, only to be faced by a dismembered head and immediately looked back at your lover, “I just wanted to make sure you have no hassle in the long run. And like I said, I don’t mind it.”

“I, however, mind the fact that if you keep this up, I might be looking for a potential replacement in just a few days once you kick the bucket.” He huffed back at you, “I hate inconveniences.” His scowl was deep and showed complete frustration towards you and your actions.

And for a quick second, your sleep and nutrient deprived mind had finally stopped to take in as you realized that this was Dottore’s odd way of showing concern. He met your gaze, and with the way your eyes tendered as the realization sank into you, he was far too late.

“Aww, pumpkin… you were worried—?”

“Perish the thought. Absolute lunacy. Whatever. Have it your way — I’ll indulge myself this time.”

“Indulge your… H-Hey! Where are you touching?!”

Dottore’s smile was wicked and devious as his hands traveled somewhere far south, copping a quick feel, “By my initial diagnosis, it seems as though you’ve been experiencing bouts of hyperactivity to the point of neglect at your food intake as well as the much needed rest. Why don’t I sort this out? As your personal physician, I suggest we do something about that before assigning your prescribed medications, no?”

Fret not, he made good on his promise — and fed you before tucking you in bed… but not after feeding him yourself.

#do not fuck while there’s a preserved dismembered head in the next operating table #just a psa #genshin impact x male reader #il dottore x male reader #dottore x male reader #jhuzen’s stupid one shots

[funficwriter]

A Wolf and a Snake (Wriothesley x Reader)

Chapter 5: The Tides Are Changing

A/N: Enjoy!

Taglist: @yue-caelum, @reyy-chanx, @mis-disaster, @ladyarchiviste, @keigo-hawks-takami-simp

Warnings: Fighting lol, physical violence, pain, almost-heart failure (?), violent thoughts, yandere shit, yapping, vaginal fingering, a liiil bit of edging

"You've got to be careful.".

Even when scolding you, Agatha always laced her voice with sweetness. You could count the number of times she was genuinely mad at you on one hand. If she was this evening, you couldn't blame her given the circumstances.

"About?".

She sighed.

"You know damn well about what, Y/N. I'm fully on your side, and I think Lord Wriothesley will be great to you. But I worry... It's normal that you are happy beyond reason with him. I fear that you lose yourself in your happiness and forget that you're not supposed to be there, at that time, with him of all people.".

Deep down, you knew she was right. The circumstance that she worried about was your approaching wedding day, which catalyzed more and more restrictions for you. Your parents let you leave the house less and were more strict regarding your behavior, way of expression, speech... Everything.

With that, sneaking out to see Wriothesley was becoming a more challenging endeavor. Once a matter of meeting at night and being back before dawn, you now had to coordinate by the hours, pray to Focalors that no secret last-minute changes required your presence, be careful of the place and who was around (Fontainians, particularly of the higher classes, were Teyvat-renown gossipers), not laughing too loudly, and on top of it all, staying vigilant, which you were becoming notoriously bad at.

You were once a little paranoid, as you should have always been. Now, both you and Wriothesley forgot your meetings' lack of approval and the danger that may ensue. More than once, you risked being late in returning home; Had Agatha not sent a hurried message reminding you that more than one servant asked about you, you would have certainly been late enough for your Father to look for you.

Though the air of your conversation was tense, you knew you had to thank her for saving your skin.

"Y/N...".

She stopped herself from speaking once she said your name. She wouldn't have called out to you if not to say something. Something was troubling her.

"Yes? What is it, Agatha?".

After an awkward minute, she looked up to you. Her eye to yours, and her brow furrowed in disapproval. The same look your mother gave you when you played the piano badly.

"Y/N, I've always cherished you, but I have to say it: This is getting out of hand. Your adventures are becoming more ridiculous by the day. I had to pull out my rosaries to pray that you would come home before Master! I haven't done so in 20 years! I never had to keep this insane vigil over you when you started seeing Lord Wriothesley, because you knew. You always kept track of yourself, and I was fine with it. But developing eye bags? Losing track of time? Corrupting novice police forces? Making me shiver and cry for your safety?!".

All your life, Agatha took your side even if it meant putting her career as a governess at risk. There was no punishment she didn't try to protect you from, even though your parents worried that she would be lenient and ruin you. She even gave Wriothesley her approval, the only adult approval you cared about. Why was her tune changing like this?

"Agatha, I said I'm sorry and you accepted it! You know how horrible my life grows by the day, all for this blond swine I'm supposed to marry! I understand your concerns, but as of now, I haven't seen him in a month, and-".

"Y/N!!!".

She got up brusquely, an uncharacteristic gesture along with yelling your name. A pit of malaise started to grow in your stomach, and you were worried that it would spread to your esophagus and make you vomit. You didn't like where this was going.

"I would be patient if your little plan would yield its output sooner. But this is taking way too long! I've known girls who ran away with their lovers faster than you have! How much more is this going to take!? How many more near heart attacks will you give me?".

"Agatha, you told me to not jump to the drastic measure! We're still trying to do things the legitimate way-".

"Legitimate way? You're already spending your allowance the same way your Father did whenever he wanted something done faster than what the commoner got! Where's the legitimacy in that? Why do you still act for it?".

She went there. The pain was spreading to the pit of your belly, and its top.

"You want to talk about legitimate matters? How about that dumbass you call your half-brother who got kicked out of this manor like a dog? How about how he lost an entirely pleasurable and easy life because he doesn't know that an illegitimate sibling should STAY hidden?".

She gasped, burst into tears and you hugged her while apologizing for getting even lower, and you both cooled off... That's what would have happened in an ideal world where the both of you weren't so stressed. Only the first action took place.

She looked down at the floor, and for a fleeting moment, you wondered whether you had gone too far, digging into such sensitive history. But that ended when she looked up, even angrier and with teary eyes.

Agatha, the sweet-voiced. Agatha, the quiet and low of tone, a constant in your life. You did not think she could yell at you like this.

"My brother? MY BROTHER?!? You can drop the nice, exceptional noble act now! You screw commoners over with rules and break them with no regard for how the rest of us will be affected! At least my brother is still a man of integrity, and he'd sooner shoot himself than take your stupid bribes! Integrity! Can your money buy you that? Can your man-dog fling buy you that, or is he too busy with shiny bracelets and fake promises?!?".

"I never tried to bribe him, Agatha! I'm courteous enough to stay away from him! What do you mean, commoners getting fucked by rules?! Don't you think that I'm getting screwed out of a life I want? And that's why I need to do this behind everyone's backs?! And unlike him, Wriothesley does not make fake promises!".

She got up and close to your face, her tears even more visible. You never feared an adult's wrathful gaze upon you as much as hers'.

"You don't get it, do you, Y/N?".

"What?".

She stopped moving, and perhaps even breathing. Then she giggled and laughed raucously as if she were an evil witch from your childhood books. Or that one tutor who laughed at you when you gave a wrong answer.

She turned to the opposite side, before turning her face so you could see it sideways. She never gave this shit-eating grin.

"At least my brother is happily bound in holy matrimony. If Wriothesley was that intent on marrying you, he would have snatched you between his teeth by now. The length of this little plan makes it clear: He's just having a bit of fun with you.".

A bit of fun.

A bit of fun.

A day where he'll grow bored, ditch you to your grey life again, and forget about you. A day where he'll marry another woman. Not you.

In the red you saw, you slapped a vase to the ground, perhaps hallucinating Agatha's face.

"AGATHA!".

In hindsight, she was making sense. Wriothesley talked day and night, paper and in person, about how much he wanted to marry you. It was clear that legitimate methods, such as lawfully convicting your fiancé, were failing. Or taking way too long. In your world, these two were one and the same. Your marriage date was not getting postponed, even if you scarred your face the day of.

Agatha was being cruel, but she wasn't wrong. He knew and kept operating like this. You wished Wriothesley was here so you could claw his eyes out. So you could grab your sword and impale the heart he swore was yours. So you could stitch his mouth closed and he'd never tell lies again. So you could embarrass him the same way she just did.

You lunged at her, but she moved out of the way. You landed on the floor, messing up your (favorite color) dress. You never thought your fate could grow crueler. Even the color to your gray was turning out to be a lie.

All you could turn to your back and sob your heart out. Maybe if you avoided Agatha's pitiful gaze... Maybe if Celestia saw your blotched face and heard your cries, she would regret what she wrote as your fate.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You tried to distract yourself for the rest of the night. You occupied the piano only to play sad pieces and be praised for your "empathy with the composer". You snuck a piece of cake and took a bite before feeling sick again. You walked around the manor and only got a bunch of servants asking if you were alright, and your brother saying: "Don't worry. Whatever moroseness you feel will disappear when you walk down the aisle.". It took everything in you not to burst into tears on the spot.

You couldn't leave this prison you called a manor. The only place you didn't try was the low garden, even if it held the fateful moments of his appearance. Your chase. Your star-gazing. Your first kiss.

At least it wasn't enclosed in walls. It was worth a shot.

It was a night with few stars. You never liked those, because the night you met him was full of them. It was one of the loveliest sights you saw.

It seemed to you like starless nights were a time when most tragedies happened, like tonight and the night Agatha's half-brother- No, brother was exiled. Seriously, you had to correct that "half", even if it was technically true and it hurt her at the moment. You remembered when she started the story with: "My contract has an exclusive clause that I must not tell you this, so please, keep it between us.". And you did. You returned the favor and told her of damning actions that may as well be written in an exclusive clause citing harsh punishment, many of those actions being recent.

You wanted to cry again. Perhaps you still needed to calm down, you thought. Being here didn't help, so it was time to try something new. You left to the kitchen to make lavender and chamomile tea, a brew you often drank before exams or social events. You let the tea leaves steep for a little longer than you should have, hoping that the transitory act of making tea would take up a few more minutes of your miserable day. Once it was ready, you carried the mug to your room, steps as light as they have seen since you learned how to walk.

You set the mug on your desk before crashing down on your bed and taking a deep sigh. By the Archons, what a tiring mess your life was. You had a theory that every noble girl and woman could sleep for the rest of her life. It was tiring: From the acting to the constant monitoring of your actions, you felt like human beings weren't made for this. You were glad your bedroom was away and thus had less sound emerging from it. You were taught to never crash down on your bed as you did, but it was one of those little pleasures. Just like illegitimate snacks and staying up and baltering and twirling around for the pure enjoyment of seeing your skirt float up in circles ('Y/N! Be graceful, your legs are showing!!'), they were the only thing you could be grateful for now. Your governess just joined your family and society's side on how to live, and the man you loved was potentially toying with you all along.

You didn't know which mental picture bothered you more: Wriothesley laughing at your naivete, or Wriothesley courting another woman after he was done with you. It may be the second- no it was definitely the second. The first was horrible, but the second was a far bigger betrayal to you. Agatha would be right: His heart was never yours, his promises were always empty and you may have been blind at parties while he was ogling other women. If it would be because of their faces, should you slash them with a knife or curved dagger? If it were their bodies, should you cut off the parts he was ogling or the ones they liked the most about themselves? Which other women should you go after Wriothesley, if all of this is true? Did he actually prefer common women? Or perhaps... Older, more refined or mature women like your mother?

How could he possibly look at other women when he gave you your first bout of joy, the same way you expected him to give you your first orgasm? If he never wanted you, why would he start all of this?!

But was he looking at other women? During events, you could have sworn that that wasn't true. But what was true anymore? Why wasn't he telling you what was going on? What was going on, why were you the one left in the dark by both him and everyone else about your own future?

Your pained groan ended in its middle when you heard a bark. There was no dog in this room. You looked up to see Frosty on your desk. Unlike the usual, his tail wasn't wagging and he pined once you noticed him. A sad, pitiful pine that expressed you in your current entirety.

"What the- What are you here for? I didn't send Wriothesley anything, do you have something? Wait-".

The window was wide open. Frosty had something in his 'backpack' (did it have the same name for messenger dogs?), but the paper in question was much smaller than the usual letters he sent. The ink looked stronger, too. You opened it. The format of the contents was also starling:

'Y/N

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOLLOW THE PUP. I CAN'T STAND THIS.

I LOVE YOU, SO PLEASE COMPLY,

WRIOTHESLEY'

"Where to, then?".

Frosty jumped out of the window onto the ledge. Did he want you to climb? Would this be worth it??

You crawled out of the window frame, thankful that your manor's roofs were easy to climb. Most of them had stairs, and there were odd bricks you could stand on for a bit. You hoped they wouldn't renovate it anytime soon.

Frosty led you up to the highest roof, also a good spot for stargazing. You had to give it to him, being so familiar with the house. You sat down but did not wait for longer than a minute. A black gloved hand grasped the ledge, and up came Wriothesley, panting and sweating as if he had a nightmare. His expression only relaxed when it landed on you.

"My Y/N...".

You stood up and waited for him to be next to you, so he wouldn't fall off. Before he could hug you, your hand finally gathered enough force to do what you thought of for hours.

SLAP!

He fell on the bricks, holding his cheek. He looked up to you in the same pitiful, sad way Frosty looked at you. The pup pined at the sight, akin to a child seeing its parents fight.

"Y/N, please...".

You wanted to scream at him. Ask for the bitch's name, whether he liked her tits or face more, what did she have that you didn't, and how dare he prove your family's stance correct. You wanted to ask him whether he even wanted to marry you. If he didn't want to anymore, to just back off and let you go on your rampage and soil your dress with blood. Take his vision and freeze him with his own powers. Whether he saw you as a young, naive maiden and whether that made you a more fun conquest.

Instead, you turned your back to him. You sobbed as quietly as you could. And that was more scalding to Wriothesley than any of the aforementioned violent actions.

"Y/N, I need...".

He stopped and let out a guttural cry you'd only hear in emergency wards. He was hunched over again. You looked back. Was he acting, just like Archandelle?

"I need you to talk to me, my love..."

"Why are you acting as if you were in pain? I'm the one who's being fucked over.".

"Y/N, what's happening? Who hurt... hurt you? Who d-do you need me to kill?".

He had this pained look all along your interaction. He couldn't have known that you were angry at him; You didn't write to him about it, nor have you seen each other.

"What do you mean?".

"Someone hurt you. Badly. Tell me who it is. Talk to me. Give me a name to end.".

You crouched down and noticed that he was clutching the right side of his chest. His fingers were red and something was lodged in the glove. You snatched his hand to take it out. It was a pill you knew too well. You had more than a few acquaintances - all older men - who took it as the last pillar to stay alive.

Heart medicine.

"Did you get addicted to medicine while I wasn't looking?! Why are your fingers red? WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING ME ANYTHING?!? What's happening to you??".

"You... still don't know? About the bracelet?".

You looked at the wolf crest bracelet he gave you. His marking, right in front of your parents. You reached the point where you always wore it on your person, even if not on your wrist.

"What about that?".

"Flip the wolf over...".

You flipped the emblem to find the upside-down wolf, its eye glaring carmine red. Wriothesley turned the emblem on his heart, the usual blue glow replaced by that same hue.

"What the- What is that?"

"Did you forget? Maybe that's why you're in this state. Among...".

He stopped to take deep breaths as if trying to alleviate his pain. His hair was dishevelled and he was soaked in sweat. His eyes were quivered down on his matted head Even his clothes looked rumpled, and his tie done in haste. Wriothesley was always the one who sent other people to the state he was currently in. Now, something was horribly wrong.

Despite your wishes, your own heart hurt looking at him. As he breathed, you wiped the sweat off his forehead. He stopped you at the third swipe, taking your hand and kissing it.

"Among my first vows to you, I said that your pain would be mine, and my heart was yours.".

Among your false and true memories, the ones he mentioned sprung out. Your emblems' glow reduced by a little, although this sickly shade of red was on his face, both within his flesh and the glow.

"I don't understand, Wriothesley.".

"The bracelet. It transmits your pain to my heart. Sometimes I feel it a bit, but I assume that it's because of... Of your current life. And I say: 'It's okay. I'll bust her out of there soon.'. But tonight... It's like you exploded. Something way more horrible than usual has happened. Someone, maybe. I want you to talk to me. I told you before, as husband and wife, we need to communicate habitually.".

"Wriothesley, why your heart? What if you got a heart attack? What if you died? What about me and you?!".

You couldn't help the fresh wave of tears. Gosh, you hated how sentimental you were. You wanted to hate him, but how could you when he bowed to you, his own heart failing because of your state and still making it a priority to hold and kiss your hand? He linked his heart to you, for Focalors' sake! By official guidelines, this is harmful magic, 'not to be used under any circumstance' for a good reason.

"I told you, my heart is yours. Ever since my eyes landed on you, it always has been, just as your pain is mine. And if someday, you're so upset to the point where I risk death, then I would have deserved it for being a bad spouse.".

You threw your arms around him, your eyes hurting from how much you've cried. He did not hesitate in holding you back. If you concentrated, you could feel his heartbeat, regularizing but still way too fast. You didn't want to imagine what a mess it was before he came here.

"Y/N, do you want to regulate my heartbeat? That is your choice.".

"You fucking idiot! Of c-course I do!".

"Talk to me.".

You let go of him, trying to settle down so you could talk. His ears perked up the slightest bit to listen to you, the first time in this interaction. This was good.

"...D-do you love me? Enough to want to marry me?".

Up to the sky the same ears shot, along with his eyebrows.

"What? I do, more than anything I've ever desired! Did someone make you doubt that? Who is it?".

"Wrio... Why is this taking so long? I'm getting married soon. This will be much harder once that happens. I don't want it to happen. Oh, Wriothesley, today sucked, I even got in a fight with Agatha...".

Once you mentioned her name, a barrage of your last month and beyond started. You didn't stop after recounting the fight; There were the times your parents scolded you for having a curl out of place when Archandelle was coming over. Your brother trying to console you with your 'marriage'. Staying at home for days at a time. Memorizing every nook and cranny of the manor. Having to live like a thief, from hiding your love to your late-night tea. How you feared returning to the same state you were in, years right until you met him.

One good thing happened with this. The more you talked, the dimmer the red glow became.

"... Wriothesley, I feel like any woman with some noble connection is cursed. My mother married a man she didn't love. Agatha's husband abused her and she had to pay a lot to get divorced. My grandmother even loathed her husband, but everyone married her off because he'd 'discipline' her. And I have to follow this tradition of unhappy women, but I don't want to. It feels like I have no one to talk to. I feel alone. I hate it...".

You stopped and took a breath, wondering where all this revelation was coming from. You never opened up to Agatha with this much detail and intensity. This must have been waiting for years to get out. Why did your mind pick him, of all people? Was it because you just so happened to be messy at that moment?

Wriothesley held your hand again. His eyes did not fully dry from a few tears that threatened to come out at some point in your talk.

"Wrio, are you okay? Do you want a cup of tea? Did I talk too much? I'm sorry...".

"No, don't apologize Y/N. For once, my heart feels better because you let it out. Archons, I'm so proud of you for talking...".

"No one else would have been.".

"Well, everyone else is a cruel idiot. Everyone else told you to bottle it up, but you still went against them and told me everything.".

"If I am honest with you, can you be honest with me about a few things?".

For the first time in what felt like forever, he smiled. A small, sincere smile that took even more weight off of you. To you, there was nothing more beautiful, because nothing invoked as many happy memories as that curl of the lips. It was like that darned chocolate cupcake that you both reached your coming-of-age social. Part of you teasingly reminded you of your favorite new pastry, which hasn't changed since your first meeting.

"Without a doubt.".

"Is there another woman you love?".

The smile broke and he looked offended.

"So long as a woman is not named 'Y/N Balthazar', and becomes 'Y/N, Duchess of Meropide', then I couldn't care less about her.".

You tried to repress the blush; It was still too early for this.

"Is there nothing in me that you don't like? Anything that would repel you away from me?".

"In the Fontainian foster system, your father, Archandelle, Teyvat and the world, yes. Lots. In you, no.".

Your legs felt sore, so you lied down. He followed suit, by your side.

"Speaking of Archandelle, is anything happening to him or am I doomed?".

"You will not be doomed under my watch. I'm going to answer this question but first...".

He got up, steadier on his legs than he was. He cocked his head to the side, ushering you to follow him. Once you guys reached the topmost ledge of the roof (your favorite, because it loomed over the City), he handed you an item so familiar and loved, yet unseen for a long time: A wind glider.

"I was thinking of something fun to do, and your manor has some great altitude...".

"I haven't used one in ages! I forgot!".

He chuckled: "You've used it before, that's enough to know. Just trust the skies, my dear.".

He grabbed his own and jumped off, but did not fall. The wings deployed immediately, and his limbs relaxed once they spread out. His first landing spot was easy to reach. It was a lower part of your roof.

"Here! This should be a good start. Now jump!".

Sounding more panicked than you liked to admit (and risking your time), you yelled: "You didn't explain anything!! How did you get the wings? How do you- Why are you laughing at me?!".

He didn't want to make you feel insecure, but he couldn't help his laughter. You were like an adorable, helpless child, relying on him to give you the answers.

"You just have to jump, Y/N! Why would I try to get you to break an arm, huh? Just trust me on this!".

You worked hard to recount the few times you got to use a wind glider. What a horrible time becoming a pre-teen was; You were barred of so many wonderful activities, all for the sake of spending your next years securing a husband. What joy did that bring you? No, the real happiness was when you kicked your feet off the high point, spread your arms out, and floated. You were above the manor's walls, the parlor, the court's and Fontaine. It was like being a part of Teyvat itself. It was freeing.

After these long, monochrome years, your body flew again. Your heart with Wriothesley and your form into the sky, softly landing in front of him, on your feet. He smiled widely, his full and societally hated canines on show. Here was a man at least twice your size, smiling like a school boy before he knew of misery.

"You're great at this! Once we marry, you should consider competing in gliding. You'd definitely win a few medals!".

"Hey, you're the one who encouraged me. Let's pick a lower spot.".

And there was another, and another until you were far from your house's roof. It's okay, you were coming back anyway. You always came back, but he was your only betting chip for the opposite. You either had to put your hope on him, or have none at all.

During your last flight, you deactivated your wings and let yourself fall. You knew you could, you knew you wouldn't die. He caught you in his arms, carrying you by the waist.

"Hey... What was that for, my love?".

"I just wanted to skip to this part.".

Tired, you both lay down, with him encircling his arms around you. He put his head on top of your chest. His heartbeat grew slow and regular - He was safe. You were safe. While it was true that safety was but a wisp in your world, you had to cling to it while it lasted. It was the only way you'd pave a life where you could scratch his fluffy ears as slowly as you pleased, grateful to your younger self who took this risk and leave everything she knew behind.

"I didn't tell you about tomorrow yet.".

The wind gliding made you forget! You looked down at his icy eyes and heard him out.

"They're squeezing a confession out of him. I know, because I made sure 'his' cops wouldn't be at the investigation. From there on, it's free ground for him to go to prison.".

"He still has to be tried, though, no?".

"Yes, but it will only be a question of a lifetime sentence with fellow prisoners or in isolation. I feel like I don't have to ask if you're ready for the Pandora's box it will open...".

He tightened his hold. You knew what box he meant: Noble crime is pretty interconnected. It's common for nobles to see out their own class when committing something that a commoner could not get away with. Archandelle's trial and arrest would also mean that many others; lives would be ruined... Including your own father. It was amazing how they knew each other for such little time, and yet they already had several illegal connections.

"You're right. You don't have to ask. I'm looking forward to that trial.".

"So am I, Y/N. I'll be sure to kiss you in front of them after they're convicted. Maybe slobber up and show them too.".

"Eeeeewwww!".

The idea of a (publicly) slobbering Wriothesley was so uncharacteristic, but so funny.

"It's so I can spit on them! Do you think I should add more tongue for the extra scandal?".

"Honestly, just holding hands would be enough for that!".

"But I'm going all the way!".

"You're such a-!!".

What he was, you couldn't think of. Even your laughter quieted at the sight right under your chin: A fondly smiling Wriothesley, with growingly beet-red cheeks and twitching ears. You often theorized that despite him physically being a grown man with an impressive size, there was a boy who just sought out his own happiness, including that with the ones he loves. Just like you.

He leaned his head to give your jaw a long kiss, before whispering in your ear: "You are worth losing everything I've ever desired.".

"Eh?".

"Though I've remained faithful to my goal, I feel like I haven't been taking the right approach.".

He cozied up against your chest again.

"What do you mean, Wrio?".

"Well... When I first declared that I wanted you, I tried asking your father. Do you remember that?".

"How could I forget?".

"And while it's true that I was digging up dirt on Archandelle, I still tried to go the tried-and-true way. Discover some horrible crime, snitch to the Court, sue and let them punish him...".

"Yes?".

You weren't sure where he was going. You looked down to see him gazing at the moon.

"Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have just showed up to this door and gutted his fetid body. Maybe I should have killed him during the parties.".

Deep down, you knew you wouldn't have an issue with that. In fact, you might even cheer. Why didn't he do it from the start, then? You felt like you had the partial answer in your hand, scratching it just the way he enjoyed.

He chuckled: "You really like my ears, huh?".

"Speaking of which... Is that partly why you didn't start with the violent approach? Because people are already shitty enough to lycanthropes?".

"Smart. I still remember my shock when you told me you liked lycanthrope authors. It was the first time anyone considered my kin to be something good. But there's another reason. A bigger one.".

You couldn't help but jolt up. Bigger than life-ailing discrimination? As a hybrid and noble man, Wriothesley was already a one-in-a-million case, so it would make sense that he'd want to avoid keeping stereotypes.

He broke his gaze from the moon into yours. Maybe that was part of the reason why he loved you so obsessively: Because there was no getting used to your beauty, your voice, your mannerisms, your smarts and your tenderness towards him. He never liked surprises; Routine was a good way to regulate himself and stay on the down low. Surprise was never a pleasant thing for him from his foster parents to the Beret society. But you? You always caught him off guard in some way, possibly without meaning it. You held gleeful surprise and pleasure and the joys he was constantly told about in the orphanage, but never found until he found you.

The shining look of your (eye color) orbs made him take the vow: He was never going to be passive when it came to you again.

"When I first met you, I had no way of knowing whether you would be okay with that drastic measure. Whether... You were just like me. Whether you, too, spent your life seeking out empty promises. Had you been like most people, jumping to violence would be a sure-fire way for you to hate me. Oh, how could I live being hated by you, Y/N? After everything I've been through, it would definitely break me.".

"Wriothesley...".

"The night we met, I played it passively in hopes of not scaring you away, and keeping my own status. Yes, I still get judged, but it's nowhere near as bad as what I've had before. I thought I would be better off not risking what I gained, and acting normal to you. But when I got to know you more, and when I'm risking losing you... I realized what a mistake that was. I don't like what Agatha did tonight, but she was right on one account. I should have snatched you to myself from our first roof exchange.".

He breathed, as if he's been itching to say this all along. When you first laid down, your head was above his. Now he loomed over you again, as well as his body, in a position that you could associate with a soft bed and your first night post-marriage.

Once he dipped down and kissed you, it was your turn to have an irregular heartbeat.

The world felt most beautiful when you two closed the distance between your bodies. They were like two pieces of a puzzle: Molded for each other. His hand slowly ran beyond your knee and on your thigh, the other behind your back. Your arms had to stretch to go around his wide shoulders, but it also made you feel safe; He would protect you from anything, including the imposed fate you feared.

That same hand grew higher, and higher, but stopped right before your inner thigh. He broke apart to ask: "May I? I'll stop whenever you want to.".

You raised your leg, as if trying to get him closer: "Yes...".

Was it just him, or was that more of a moan than a word? Could you even speak in this state? And why did you have to rile him up like this?

He kissed you again, his hand squeezing at the soft meat, then running over your hip. It's not that you were as sheltered as your parents would have liked, but this was your first time being touched like this. It was as if he was awakening nerves you didn't know existed. You didn't feel this sensitive when masturbating.

Getting tired of your thigh, he laced his fingers between your hip and your panties, before sliding them off. Even from there, he picked up on where most of the heat was coming from, and it wasn't your dress' fancy fabric.

He raised himself to lift your skirt up. There was your slit, coated in its own lubrication, and your legs shaking ever so slightly. He hadn't even started and you were already mewling and getting excited, your body already anticipating the orgasm. He couldn't help cooing.

"I can't wait until I make you cum."

You whined, tired of him making you wait, then wrapped an arm around him.

He ran his fingers up and down your vulva, coating them with your juices, before circling around your clit. The sensation made you squeal out. You heard it had thousands of nerves, but what was that?! It was not a cold night, but your entire body was shaking as if you were freezing.

"Ssshhh... We have to be discreet. Do you like this, sweetheart?".

"More... More, please!".

He was not expecting this vocality, but he wasn't complaining. He dipped down to leave little kisses on your collarbone and neck, while he played with your sensitive clitoris. He occasionally gave it a break, running his fingers in circles around your womanhood, flaring up whatever nerves he could find, before rubbing your nub again.

The lovely thing about neck kisses was that you could not avoid his husky-voiced whispers: "I bet he won't make you feel the way I do right now.".

His fingers slipped down to your hole, still circling around it before he would slip in.

"This lovely body and its tremors aren't his, are they?".

"N-no! I swear, they're not!".

He stopped touching you. Don't get him wrong, he loved you, but you were too cute writhing for him to not take advantage of it. He could not wait until he had you all to himself. He might even make you cry from all the pleasure he'd give you. Until then, he had to relish the limited moment he had.

"Sorry, my love, but you haven't convinced me.".

Once frigid and closed, your legs opened up even more: "Wriothesley, please!! You said it, he'll die before he even gets to see me naked, let alone touch me!".

"Oh? So you're trusting that I will take you?".

As he asked, he leaned in close, only a few inches away from kissing you. His hand was creeping back up where you wanted it.

"Yes... I'm yours, I've always been...".

His digits entered your hole. He didn't even have to look for the spot; a few rubs and you had to stop yourself from squealing. You could not stay quiet, not when you've never felt this, not when he was playing with every pleasurable nerve in your body. You were already clenching erratically around him. The more you did, the closer you were...

"Wait! Wait, I-!"

He kissed your neck again: "Let it out, baby.".

You couldn't help it. You screamed. At least you were far from your house, and it was a good type of scream. The type you felt he'd give you every night.

He helped you feel and ride out your entire orgasm, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could, while all you could do was moan out. Once you calmed down, he lowered his eyes to yours again.

"Are you alright?".

"That was amazing...".

"With the way you screamed, I sure hoped so.".

"Shut up.".

He laughed a bit, before kissing you again. This time, it was slower, softer. Tonight was eventful for both of you, after all. At some point, you two broke the kiss but remained in the same position. It was easy to hear his whisper when your foreheads were so close.

"If tomorrow doesn't work, I'll kill him before the ceremony.".

#a wolf and a snake #yandere wriothesley x reader #wriothesley x reader #yandere reader #genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere fontaine x reader #genshin impact smut

[doodlegirl1998]

The reason why I can't behind any of the characters or things they do is that they're made into hypocrites.

You got Mina and Eijirou who're against bullies yet are friends with Bakugou don't do anything when he gets onto All Might.

Hawks who had a past with an abusive father and when Endeavor is exposed as one, he doesn't react or say anything about it.

Izuku with his quirkless past yet doesn't offer any sympathy towards those like him, like how he tried to make Nighteye laugh or Aoyama.

And then there's Aizawa... the guy's a walking hypocrite so I don't feel like going into any of the things he did.

All this makes it difficult to really get behind and like these characters when they contradict their characteristics this much all to make the worse characters look good.

Hi @theloganator101 👋,

Exactly this. Hori's characters act how HE wants them to to service the plot rather than what would fit their characters. So we have situations like this where they become hypocrites and bad things are implied about them. We have talked about Aizawa before so I'll focus on Izuku, Kirishima, Mina and Hawks.

Izuku - was quirkless, was horrifically abused by Bakugou for this as well as daring to try to help him out a river once.

Also Izuku - is NOT allowed once to reflect on the similarities between Aoyama and himself. Is NOT allowed to think one bit on his quirkless past or the horrific bullying (abuse) he went through. Does not seek to change the status quo now that he is a part of it. Or think about how HE could change how quirkless are being treated. This in my most charitable interpretation could be Izuku's self hatred coming out full force, he doesn't want to think about when he was quirkless so he doesn't. But this could also be construed as arrogance, stupidity and narrow minded-ness.

Izuku - knows in graphic detail the Todofam situation, is best friends with Todoroki Shoto and confronted Endeav for being a POS when he first met him.

Also Izuku - Acts like a fanboy of Endeavor in the agency arc and defends Endeavor to Dabi's face (another of Endeavor's victims.) - This puts a sour taste in my mouth not going to lie, this reads as Izuku thinking, 'because he's nice to me and he says he's going to change all is good now!' Also (unlike defending Shoto) defending Endeav just isn't necessary here. No one is denying Endeavor's mentorship or heroism skills. Dabi is saying he is an abuser and a shit dad which - you know - he is. Izuku reads as a naive, narrow-minded teenager at best here. There are better ways Hori could have worded Izuku stepping in - this wasn't it.

Mina and Kirishima: 'We hate bullies!' 😠 Very vocally anti bully, their heroism stories each center on it.

Also Mina and Kirishima: look on as Bakugou acts like the BIGGEST bully for all of the academic year and decide to become his besties. - This can be read as them being too thick to work out Bakugou is a bully at best. At worst... They read as cowards and hypocrites. The 'It's ok as long as he's not picking on me or my friends,' type.

Hawks: has an abusive father that was taken into custody by Endeav before being taken by the HPSC and enduring more intense training (likely abuse.)

Also Hawks: Despite his past abuse as an adult licks the boots of another abusive father, Endeav (Endeav's boots must be super shiny.) - Are we still pretending Hawks is an actual character at this point? All he is now is an Endeav Simp with some 'I killed Twice' angst sprinkled in. But I will save the major pieces of salt regarding Hawks for the ask I have about him. Least charitable interpretation - Hawks has LOW empathy thanks to his abusive childhood and latches on hard to a select few (Endeav) who he will protect, screw everyone else. Hawks doesn't care about Endeav's past child abuse, spousal abuse and literal crimes just what he means to him. Most Charitable - Hawks is an abused messed up person who never grew up past his idealisation of Endeav and clung to anything that meant he could keep the 'hero Endeav' in his mind intact.

With all of these deductions in mind, characters we are meant to root for feel flat, hypocritical, OOC and just downright bizarre at times.

Why? Because Hori bends characters to his script rather than writing the script for what works for the characters.

#mha critical #Bnha critical #Anti Ashido Mina #Anti Kirishima Ejiro #Midoriya Izuku critical #Anti Hawks #Sorry but it had to be said #The writing is to blame #Anti Bakugou #Anti Bakugou Katsuki #Anti Endeavor

[zhongrin]

🎁 ᴢʜᴏɴɢʀɪɴ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 ᴡʀᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ 🫶🏻

ー just a little thing i wanted to make as the year ends 💗

𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐲 💍

① 👑 zhongli 👑 ✼ best husband, best comfort f/o, best everything. my ultimate blorbo 🧡

② al haitham 🌱 & wriothesley 🐾 ✼ he's such a silly guy. i love him so much. ✼ who's a good puppy! who's the goodest boy! yes you areeee~! <3

ⓧ runner up // neuvillette 🦦 ✼ his en voice almost made me simp. almost. damn you ray chase /lh

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 🎶

ー✼ the ebg back in february and october! so so so so much chaos fun! both took all the creative juices and sleep i had, but it was all so worth it! i got to connect with more people and interactions were off the charts for the whole week. and coviello... my precious babie <3 i'm pretty sure i'll join another ebg next year given the opportunity.... or perhaps even host one, but with a twist-

ー✼ got matched up T W I C E (well, thrice in total) with mr. i am here's alternate universe selves al haitham. thanks @/ansy-tea / @/kopidense 👍🏻 i shall endeavor to make an effort to discombobulate and fool the silly sprout man in 2024 if there are any other matchup events open lmao

ー✼ teyvatweets! it was so much fun compiling everyone's tweets and coding the website hehe it didn't really blow up or anything due to how 'personal' that project was, but i think about it from time to time. such a fun lil thing!

ー✼ that 1 pity c0 al haitham who came right after ayato.... thanks dad for gracing me with your birthday luck 🙏🏻

ー✼ finally treating myself and indulging in all the selfship commissions. i'm grateful i have the ability to indulge and i'm hoping to do the same next year. and the way everyone just gifted me things for my birthday made me feel so so loved. i couldn't celebrate it with anyone since i wasn't at home, and it was on a weekday meaning my friends were all busy - so it felt like a mini-party... truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much ;w;

ー✼ personally, i'm super happy and kind of proud of getting very comfortable with sharing my art and improving on it! i used to go back and forth whenever i'm trying to post art, but now i'm confident enough to not think too much about it! naturally i have lots to improve and i'm nowhere near 'good' but that's fine with me! i owe it all to yall's support and lovely comments <3

ー✼ all the anon drabbles and charanons!!!! always such a nice sight to wake up to. they're like surprise gifts whenever i open tumblr because i don't have notifications on, and i adore them so much! big big big shoutout to @/floraldresvi, @/crystalflygeo, and @/soleillunne yall are amazing ;w;

ー✼ all the super sweet messages all of you left in my christmas tree.... i'm cradling all the wishes and silliness and messages from my f/os so close to my heart!! ceo!haitham tho. bruh you're still making me work LEAVE ME ALONE- /silly

ー✼ that zhongli birthday celebration series... they're not much, and even with all posts combined they have way less notes than a random vent drabble i dropped in the middle of it lol but i had lots of fun writing, designing, and inserting all the 'golden threads' across the fics nonetheless!! i'll highlight them later so the people who have been following the little series can go 'OH' lol

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 🫂

@ainescribe ❀ @silentmoths ❀ @crystalflygeo ❀ @moraxsthrone ❀ @floraldresvi ❀ @sheepmc ❀ @zhxngii ❀ @localplaguenurse ❀ @mysnowmanandmebaby ❀ @the-travelling-witch ❀ @watatsumiis ❀ @kurikurikurisu ❀ @leftdestiny-posts ❀ @kaeffeinee ❀ @queen-belial ❀ @abyssmal-skies ❀ @dawndelion-winery ❀ @yinyinggie ❀ @silkjade ❀ @dustofthedailylife ❀ @scarasmood

@euniveve ❀ @soleillunne ❀ @faesther ❀ @ansy-tea ❀ @vennnnn-diagram ❀ @navxry ❀ @celestetalkstoomuch ❀ @minhosairfryer ❀ @xeraeus ❀ @pearlywritings ❀ @ryuryuryuyurboat ❀ @mochinon-yah ❀ @asoulsreverie ❀ @xiaosonlybeloved ❀ @mooncreates ❀ @jingyuansbird ❀ @tearskillstardust

i love you all and i'm so so glad to have made a connection with you! be it knowing each other from mutual friends, from a drawing/writing commission, or even if we just stumbled onto each other randomly by pure chance - know that i appreciate you! every single one of you are so talented and so wonderful. thank you for being the threads that shaped the comfy sweater that is 2023 for me <3 ps. and for my former moots who are minors but have respected my boundaries, i'm sorry i didn't tag you but i had fun befriending you lot. my best wishes for you in the years ahead too! pps. some of you might know me from my main @/meimeimeirin instead! i separated the list into 2 paragraphs bc tumblr isn't letting me have that many texts in one block apparently hsldfjsd also, if you're not in the list i either 1) forgot, bc i have the memory of a goldfish, or 2) remembered, but felt like it would be intrusive for me to tag you <- (more likely tbh) 😔

@/jjovin3221, @/starffox, @/syrenkitsune, @/finleyrambles, @/dr-birb, @/smokipoki, @/1117sblog, @/virdiaura, @/lawnfei, @/lady-alexis-salt, @/local-ragamuffin, @/the-knaves-world, @/alhaithams-fanfic-stash, @/interpretpages, @/magicalink, @/starlingcore, @/lyralibra, @/crazyrichdaughter, @/winterhuntsman, @/ladycoleigh, @/bettybeako

ALSO, HUGE SHOUTOUT to the people who frequent my notifs. i can't remember most of yall's handles accurately (and for some of you i remember by your pfp instead hskdhskd) but whenever your username pops up, know that i always go "!!!!!" and my imaginative dog ears perks up and my metaphorical tail just starts thumping on the floor <3 thank you so much for your continuous support!! (and i know some of you wrote in my tree so thank you for that too hehe) note: that wasn't an exhaustive list, but more like the blogs i remember seeing a lot on top of my head!!

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 🧡

thank you for such a lovely 2023! thank you for being here and for always supporting my works, my silliness, and myself as a person. here's to more fun shenanigans ahead, and i hope 2024 will be a year that makes us all a better person <3

ꕥ xmas dividers © cafekitsune

#rin rambles #a psa from rin #i don't know what to tag this hahahahahah #it's not writing????? but also it's not really rambling????? but???? hsldfjsdf #a love letter from rin #there. that's my friends/community appreciation tag now ig lmao #tldr: THANK YOU ILY /P #this is scheduled to be posted just right before new the clock turns january 1st in my current timezone (gmt +7) #and i'm assuming with tumblr's borked queue system it'll post sometime on 1st jan so #HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[the-conversation-pod]

Dispatch! (The Ossan's Love Episode)

And we're back!

NiNi and Ben bring our friend @twig-tea to the show to talk about the entire Ossan's Love series. We'll talk about the way this franchise evolves over time, the difficulties of comedy, what it means to love older queer men, and how this show tackles the complexities of family and masculinity.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction and Some Context 00:06:25 - Ossan’s Love History and Summary 00:13:42 - The Characters 00:28:23 - Love or Dead and In The Sky 00:39:00 - Ossan’s Love Returns 00:45:33 - Final Thoughts and Ratings

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction and Some Context

Ben

And we're back! 

This week, we are covering all of Ossan's Love, from 2016 through 2024. We have brought on a special guest for this special episode as we're going to talk about the longest-running BL project. We have brought on our friend @twig-tea.

Twig

Hello.

NiNi

Hi, Twig. Welcome to the show.

Twig

Thank you so much for having me.

NiNi

New friend of the pod. Super excited to have you here. Twig is what we delightfully referred to as a ‘fandom old.’ I'm very excited to be having this conversation with two fandom olds in here, Twig and Ben, because, dear listeners, I have not had the time to watch Ossan's Love, so this is gonna be interesting. Ben and Twig are gonna school me.

Twig

We'll do our best.

Ben

This is going to be an interesting episode because we're going to be talking about a project that was somewhat overlooked by fandom, myself included, until the last couple of months. And I'm a little bit salty about it, and so I wanted to bring on somebody who has watched all of this in real time, and I thought that their perspective would be helpful. 

Twig, you are new to our listeners. Why don't you tell them a little bit about yourself in fandom and your history with queer cinema and BL?

Twig

I actually started on the GL side, which is a little bit different than I think a lot of folks in the BL fandom. I started with getting into Sailor Moon and got involved with a group of women who started Yuricon. The first Yuricon was held in Newark, NJ, in 2003 and I was the secretary. 

From there, there just wasn't enough GL content, and so I got into BL, too. I was really into Japanese manga, was part of a few scanlation groups, got oversaturated, stepped away, came back in 2016 to be shocked at the fact that a whole lot of the stuff that I used to watch was now made into live action. 

The YouTube algorithm in late 2016—early 2017—fed me Lovesick and I sort of went, “Hello. What's this?” Then watched Make it Right and was hooked on Thai BL. Tried to backfill as much as I could, so I watched Gray Rainbow, and Diary of Tootsies, and all this stuff that nobody talks about, really, anymore. 

One of the things about fandom at that time was that the way you found stuff was digging and a prayer, and random people making random lists, and it was very hard to tell how good those lists were. And so I managed that by watching everything and making my own opinions. And that is why I watched Ossan’s Love when it aired, or as soon as I could get my hands on it.

NiNi

So we're talking like real, real old school. We're talking about “Oh God, maybe some fansubber might help us out here.”

Twig

Fuckin’, like, Internet relay chat.

NiNi

IRC was my job back in the day.

Twig

Yes!

NiNi

I was talking about other things—not BL, but I was there.

Ben

Twig has sketchy as shit DVDs that were handed to her by a fan that have not great rip but really solid subs.

Twig

Bought in a mall parking lot with Mandarin subtitles that we used to watch with my friends who spoke Mandarin so they could translate for us in real time. It was hard. We used to walk uphill both ways back in the day.

Ben

A lot of folks who have been in this for a long time—we joked that we watched everything because we had to. You have done a better job of keeping track of what you've watched.

Twig

I wish I'd done better. I only really started tracking things in 2020. I did try to backfill the years before that, but I only really captured all of the major series. There was so many shorts, and things like that, I just couldn't do. But my spreadsheet has about 600 things on it, 606 as of today.

Ben

Incredible.

NiNi

I have been watching media overall—like seriously watching media—for…30 years…and I have not watched 606 of anything.

Ben

Nah, I believe her. It adds up. I engage with close to 100 BLs every year for the last 2-3 years.

NiNi

Clearly I'm not in these streets with y'all.

[Twig laughs]

Ben

I'm so glad Twig has showed up because it has given me permission to not watch so much.

NiNi

I bow down to you guys, because there was a point in time where, trying to keep up with week-to-week, I was watching something like eight shows at a time and I literally felt like my head was on fire. So, I don't know how you guys do it.

Ben

Practice. [laughs]

NiNi

We talked about this on the show, how last year I watched 50 things, maybe, for the whole year, and I felt like I was losing my mind. I usually watch like 15.

Ben

50 is good. Like, that's a really healthy number.

Twig

That is. That's pretty solid.

NiNi

As in five-zero? 

Ben

Yeah, no, that's great!

NiNi

A year?! 

Ben

Yeah! And we made a whole fucking show out of it! It’s good!

NiNi

Deep breaths. Okay, let's continue. Let's go on. [laughs]

00:06:25 - Ossan’s Love History and Summary

NiNi

Let's get into Ossan's Love. Ben, do the honors, tell us what is Ossan's Love about?

Ben

Actually, I want to do this one a little bit differently. 

NiNi, you have not engaged with Ossan's Love. The most you have is the fandom vibe on it from the periphery. What is your impression of Ossan's Love prior to all of us posting a lot about the new show?

NiNi

When you say periphery, I think you're being incredibly generous. There was one where they’re flight attendants maybe, or something to do with an airline. I am aware of that. And then there was something with a boss. There was a thing about a shower. There's some dirty jokes that go over my head because they're referential to this show. But in terms of my awareness of Ossan’s Love, it's honestly not much. 

Did I get any of those things correct by the way?

Twig

You totally did.

Ben

You did. I almost shouted “Dispatch” when you mentioned the airport. [Twig and Ben laugh] 

All right. So, I will give what I knew of Ossan's Love prior to earnestly engaging with it: Ossan's Love is a workplace-set drama in which a guy who works in an office is being pursued by a colleague of the same age as him and his boss—who is like 20-plus-odd years older than him. At the time when I didn't watch it, the fandom vibe on it was that it was fairly offensive, particularly around the old guy character. And, when it was hard to find this show, I was like, “Whatever, I'm not going to work that hard for a show that people seem really put off by.” I have had to make sure that I check if I am riding an old fandom opinion from prior to 2019 when it comes to older work, because those opinions are usually not informed by the lens that I use. And so I decided to engage with Ossan's Love properly. 

Before we start describing what the show is specifically, Twig, what do you remember about your experience watching the show in real time and the popular opinions about it?

Twig

So, the first thing is real time had really different meanings back then because we didn't have international distribution. It was sort of when things were fan subbed and when you could find them and knew they existed. So, I actually didn't get to watch the short until years after the original. So my first outing with Ossan’s Love was season one. 

At the time, it felt like if you liked it, you should be quiet about it, because the opinion was so negative that you would be shouted down if you said anything positive about it. So I just sort of stayed in my corner of enjoyment and tried not to think too hard about it.

Ben

That is unfortunately how I remember it being. It was not popular to say positive things about Ossan’s Love at the time. Even the fans of Ossan's Love seemed super ambivalent about the second season, which was an alternative universe.

Twig

Yeah. When Season 2 aired it was an even wider swing. The people who really loved Season 1 seemed to hate Season 2. I actually like Season 2 better than Season 1, so I was even more like, [laughs] “Okay, I guess I don't know what I'm talking about, guys, so I'm just gonna stay over here and let you all have your opinions over there.”

Ben

So our quick timeline: we have Ossan’s Love the TV special in 2016. We have Ossan’s Love the TV show airing during spring of 2018. They released the movie Ossan’s Love: Love or Dead —that went into theaters on August 23rd of 2019—and then a few months later, in November, they released Ossan’s Love: In The Sky. It's my understanding that Ossan’s Love Returns was originally supposed to air in, like, 2020-2021. They've returned to that project this year in 2024.

NiNi

I know they're going to be doing a Thai version of this coming up and they also have the Hong Kong version?

Twig

That's right. Yep. There was a Hong Kong version in I think 2021 or 2022.

NiNi

I love when they take a property and they remake it across cultures over and over again. I'm always intrigued to see how they turn out.

Ben

Have you watched the Hong Kong version, Twig?

Twig

I peeked at it. It's really true to season one in a lot of ways. I haven't actually watched it all the way through because I was like, “If I want to rewatch season one, I'll just rewatch season one.”

Ben

I feel like I have to watch it at some point. 

All right, so let's get into Ossan’s Love properly now: Ossan’s Love is about a 33 year old man named Haruta who is a slob. He is a hot mess of a man. He cannot take care of himself. He lives with his mom, and she does all the housework. She decides to bail on him and go run off with the hot new man she's with. And so he asks his colleague, whose name is Maki, to move in with him to help him out because Maki is very good at house chores. 

He learns accidentally that his boss, whose name is Kurasawa Musashi, has had a crush on him for a long time and also simultaneously learns that Maki has been crushing on him for a long time. Hijinks ensue as the two of them begin aggressively pursuing him, and he is not prepared for this sudden surge in gay activities.

Twig

One thing I add to your description, Ben, is it's a comedy.

Ben

So this is where things get a little bit complicated. Comedy is hard to do correctly, because a big part of comedy is playing with people's preconceptions of how an interaction should go. A lot of folks struggle with Japanese comedy because they're just not aware of the expectations for how an interaction should go, and so the humor is not landing on them, and this can happen even in your own culture. Like, if you showed a teenager today Airplane, many of the jokes in that movie would make no sense to them because they're missing some of the cultural context. Some of that exists with peoples engagement with Ossan's Love, I think.

Twig

I think that's right.

00:13:42 - The Characters 

Ben

The big part about Ossan's Love that impresses me is how the show gets better each time they come back. There are things that are kind of yikes in the short that are tweaked out in the first show. There are things that they retooled Haruta and Kurosawa over in the airport season. And then, in the most recent season, Ossan's Love Returns, they've shifted where the focus of their storytelling is after everything that's going on. So we are seeing the same characters, but they're dealing with much different dynamics. 

So, Ossan's Love Returns was a completely acceptable point for a lot of people to jump on, and I almost just jumped on. But, I like to know how we got here. So I was like, “I must watch all of this first!” [laughs]

NiNi

I was about to say on what point were you ever gonna just jump on without going back into the before times? You, sir, are a historian and a completionist.

Ben

Of course. And so I went back and watched. 

Twig, since you didn't have a lot of people to talk about Ossan's Love with at the time, how about you talk about your impressions of Haruta, Maki, and Kurosawa when you first engaged with it?

Twig

The thing that stuck with me is that, even in 2018, it felt a little more queer than a lot of the other stuff I was watching alongside it at the time. Haruta and Maki, and all of the characters, play into that in different ways. Haruta is an extremely frustrating character. I just wanted to reach through the screen and strangle him through most of season one, and I think that's partially intentional. 

Haruta is set up as the literal straight man. He's there to be what your average straight guy reaction might be when confronted with gayness, and everyone around him literally slaps him and tells him he's being an idiot. Delightful, but it doesn't make the character himself very likable at first. The fact that he grows on you anyway, even while he's being so frustrating, speaks to the other strengths in his character: his kindness, and the way he values his coworkers. And I think the later seasons did a really good job of picking up the things that made Haruta such a great character, and enforcing that in the character writing itself to make him more likable overall. 

I loved Kurosawa from jump. I think he's [laughs] incredible. He lives life on 11, and I think watching an older man step through some of the more standard romance tropes very clumsily but earnestly is incredibly charming. 

Maki is the competent character. He's also a self-actualized gay man. He at no point questions his sexuality at all, has no crisis about it. He knows who he is and what he's attracted to. And that was also really refreshing for BL at the time.

NiNi

Describing the kind of character that Kurosawa is made me think of Ben describing characters like Shin from Minato's Laundromat. When you tend to see these younger characters who are full on gung-ho chasing after the ones that they like, people like that. But they don't like the boss because they don't think their character should be doing that.

Twig

When I was first telling Ben about my opinions about the show, I said one of the things I struggle with is whether Kurosawa is telling the joke or is the joke. I think the more I have watched and rewatched, especially in later seasons, they do a really good job of him being a funny character and we're not laughing at him. He's not the butt of the joke, he's just funny. The people who would be turned off by an old guy hitting on a younger guy no matter what were turned off by that character and the ones who were sympathetic to older men also having romance in their lives were turned off by the idea that it was a comedy.

Ben

The comedy in the way Kurosawa pursues Haruta is about the age gap, not the fact that he's an old man. It's that he's at a different stage of his life. He's not fumbling to figure out stuff, he knows what he wants and his time is limited, so he's pursuing it determinately and also because he's older, he's behaving in line with his generation.

Like, if you don't have friends who are more than 10 years older than you, sometimes you're going to get weirded out by their cultural stuff. Like right now, I'm reaching the age gap with some of the kids I tutor, and I had to deal with all the various iterations on rizz and I don’t like it. 

[Twig and NiNi laugh]

I had an 8 year old call himself The Rizzler the other day and I almost pushed him down.

Twig 

Oh no.

NiNi

Oh my God.

Ben

I understand the concern around Kurosawa. But that is not what I think the show is doing, and even if it accidentally does it, that is not the show’s intent. Haruta is dealing with the sudden shift in his relationships with men who are important to him. Maki was just like his friend and colleague, who he was low-key mooching off of to do housework for him, and he has to deal with the fact that the only reason Maki is willing to put up with him is because Maki likes him. With Kurosawa, a big part of their relationship is the fact that he respects and admires him so much. The relationship between them is very paternal in a lot of ways?

Twig

A mentorship.

Ben

Yeah, he sees Kurosawa as a respected mentor and Kurosawa respects Haruta as well as a valued member of his team. A big part of the show is them sorting out the way that affection complicates some of these relationships, and we as the audience have to struggle with why these men like this man. Haruta is fucking useless in the household. He may be good at his job, but he is horrible at house related stuff. And so the question is why would anyone want him? 

And this is not rhetorical for the show. They really want you to grapple with this. The fact that Haruta is kind of repulsive as a romantic interest is something the show wants you to think about. You have to work to understand why so many people are into Haruta, and I think this gets better overtime.

Twig

They do a really good job with all of the women characters in this show, which was super rare for the time and still worth saying. His best friend Chizu also is terrible at housework, but she's a woman, and so she's struggling with the expectation that she get married and she keeps talking about how she needs to find somebody who does for her what Haruta’s men are willing to do for him. I just love putting those two characters side by side. And the silent question that's asked of the audience. That's like, why is this okay for Haruta, but not for Chizu.

Ben

It's not really subtle. As the show goes on, Maki won't really commit to Haruta because Haruta is ostensibly straight. Maki is hesitant about full committing because it's hard to be gay, like you got a lot to face as a gay person and he doesn't know that Haruta is going to stand up to all that. He's kind of a waffly type of dude. He's kind of a people pleaser who won't really stand up to anyone. This is kind of good for him as a salesperson. It's obvious why all their clients like Haruta. But it makes him kind of unreliable as a partner because you're not certain he's going to hold ground with you when the world is telling you that you shouldn't be together. 

The first season ends on a really cool note, ‘cause Maki and Haruta break up and Haruta just falls apart. And Kurosawa moves in with him for a while to help take care of him. For Kurosawa, it's a romantic thing, but it very much feels like someone’s parent going to take care of their kid. Haruta recognized where he failed with Maki, and he starts trying to help out with house stuff a little bit. But it's not like he suddenly becomes like a great housekeeper. I really liked that choice, that he starts putting in an effort but he's still horrible at it. 

Kurosawa ends up proposing to Haruta. Haruta has a hard time saying no to people, so he accepts. Also, he used a flash mob. It's hard to say no when someone flash mobs you.

NiNi

Pause. Pause for cause.

Twig

Michael Jackson-themed flash mob.

NiNi

Okay, not pausing. Unpausing. Go ahead.

Ben

Kurosawa is always at 11. He is an incredible character and like he and Haruta are going to get married and at the altar, Kurosawa is like. You need to go to him. You don't actually want to be here. And so Haruta runs to Maki and proposes to him at the end of the first season. 

And then there's just an incredible supporting cast in the show. I don't think we have time to talk about all of them properly, but. Haruta’s friend Chizu’s older brother Teppei runs a little bar diner that they often hang out at. He's so funny, always giving them weird gross food combinations to try out. They’re’s Maro, who's a member of their team who did not know Haruta’s given name for the years they worked together, there's Maika, who's kind of a nosy busybody at their work. She's a great source of comedy, ends up with Teppei. There's Takegawa, who's the second at their office in the first season, who is revealed to be Maki’s ex later. And he is intense as hell and becomes a complicating factor in the budding relationship between Haruta and Maki because he challenges Haruta. He's like, why is he putting this much effort into you? You suck! I really love the Takegawa character because he is a hot mess.

Twig

He just is so pained at Maki falling for a straight man. Something that is deeply relatable for anybody in queer spaces. [NiNi laughs] Like we have all been that person. Like, what are you doing to yourself?

Ben

I want to nod to Choko real quick. In the first season, Kurosawa has a wife of 30 years. Her name is Choko. Once his feelings for Haruta become known to Haruta, he decides he's going to pursue them and he tells this to his wife and they get divorced. She is understandably upset about this whole situation. But what's so great about it is, the show allows her to have a journey of figuring out what her life is going to be now that this information is out there. Like, she was hurt and upset at first, but then decides to support Kurosawa because this is her partner of 30 years and she understands him, so she ends up eventually supporting what he's trying to do with Haruta. And she ends up developing her own relationship with Maro. 

It's really cool in this show where there's this whole complicated thing about whether or not these three gay men are going to sort themselves out into various relationship configurations, they're also doing a pretty steep successful age gap romance between like a 30-something year old man and a woman approaching 60.

Twig

I love Choko's arc so much. It's the one thing that stayed with me the most. She is also allowed to be funny. She's silly and immature in the same ways that the male characters are. She's not perfect either. And I think that is super important that she's a complicated character. 

I think it's really important that this show talks about the ways in which homophobia and being in the closet hurts everyone, not just gay people. I think this show does a good job of at least alluding to the fact that the hurt that's caused by people having to live lies makes waves in communities.

NiNi

I like when they put that on older characters, as well. There's so much to unpack when you're talking about a life lived in the closet, emerging from a life lived in the closet later on in life. What you're gonna do with that life and how you're gonna treat it. From what you guys are saying about Kurosawa, it’s like he just decided to take life by the balls once he came out of the closet, and that's always something that I enjoy seeing.

Ben 

I guess, well, on some of the negatives. The humor is choppy in the first season. You do have to recalibrate as you're watching. It is very funny, but in ways that are unexpected. You will end up feeling a sense of revulsion in the show, particularly to season one Haruta. When I started going back to it, I had a difficult time with the first episode because I'm asking myself why would anyone want to fuck this man? [NiNi and Twig laugh] That is a real and valid reaction that you have to work with as you're watching the show. And so parts of it are a little bit difficult to watch in that regard. 

And Kurosawa is a huge character. You have to take time to get to know him and understand him and understand where his behaviors are coming from. And if you're not willing to do that work, the show is super off putting. 

Twig 

It is loud. You do have to allow your comedy ear to calibrate to its shouting. 

Ben 

However, I will say that if you want to see romance in BL about older characters, Ossan’s Love is right there. The entire drama is about 30-somethings and much older dealing with life and love. There is no wistful stuff about “things were easier when we were kids” in this show at all. It is very much grounded in the perspective and dramas that people in their 30s and 40s and 50s are dealing with in life and romance. 

Twig 

I feel like the one other thing that I always feel the need to call out about the first season is Haruta, because of what his character is struggling with, is physically uncomfortable with displays of affection, and particularly with kissing, in the first season. And that can be off putting too, but he makes it clear verbally that he's not actually against physical affection, he's just familiar with it? It is one of the things that the show does better later on.

00:28:23 - Love or Dead and In The Sky

Ben 

Let's talk about the movie! Ossan’s Love: Love or Dead. 

Twig 

[laughs] Every time I think about that title, it makes me laugh, ‘cause it's just so extra. 

NiNi 

I'm sorry, Love or Dead? 

Ben

Mhmm.

Twig 

Oh yeah. 

Ben 

The premise of this movie is at the end of season one, Haruta got an opportunity to go work in Shanghai for about six months, and the guys are going to be facing a separation for a bit. There's drama when Maki goes to pick up Haruta ‘cause he's found in a compromising position, and a big part of this is Maki still dealing with his anxiety around whether or not Haruta can be a partner to him. Maki gets selected to be part of this high-powered real estate team, and there's a bunch of drama that unfolds involving a partnership with a drug peddling organization and then we end on like an action note where they have to rescue Haruta from a burning building. 

Twig 

There are explosions. 

Ben 

Lots of explosions. 

NiNi 

This sounds… delightful. This sounds like exactly my kind of crack. 

Ben 

You should watch it sincerely. 

Twig 

It is delightful. 

Ben 

If you're not certain about Ossan’s Love, legit, watching Ossan’s Love: Love or Dead is not a terrible place to start. It's a two-hour outing that covers the basic ground of the franchise, has some really strong moments, and is super cracked out. 

What's so fun in it is, we talk about the retooling of the characters. In season one, Maki and Kurosawa beef a lot over Haruta and legit get into physical brawls over it. This is a feature of the entire franchise. These men scrap on the regular. There's this great moment when they're trying to rescue Haruta from this building where Kurosawa's role as their mentor comes through and he reads Maki about how he's always holding back in the relationship. That's what I think works for me the most in this franchise, the collective love that everyone has for each other. It's true that Kurosawa is not going to succeed as a romantic rival to Maki in this story, but that doesn't mean that he's not important to everyone and everything going on. And I really, truly love that. 

Twig 

His mentorship relationship with Maki really starts to flourish in the movie, the moment where Maki’s hanging off of a ledge and Kurosawa is helping him physically back onto the ledge so he doesn’t fall into the flames, but also verbally telling him what he needs to do to save his relationship. This movie is not subtle with its metaphors. But it's such a good moment where we realize that Kurosawa plays that role for Maki, too, of a mentor, and that he's willing to do it for the relationship, even at the same time as being a love rival. And it sets up the new season really well. 

Ben 

The movie matters to the timeline of the series. The movie is not just some sort of one off moment that occurs. The events of the movie are built into the characters, and it was the beginning of them retooling how these characters function. 

NiNi 

This sounds like a very experimental type of series, just the way that they do different things each time. While they are refining their central characters and the central storylines, they're also experimenting with style and tone, and a number of other things it feels like? 

Twig 

I think that's really true. One of the things about the movie that's really fun is it's the first instance of sports in the series. We get Justice playing basketball with Haruta and working his feelings out through basketball. 

Ben 

JUSTICE!!! [Twig and Ben laugh]

Twig 

Love and peace! And that becomes a huge part of the AU and also part of Ossan’s Love Returns that I think really adds to the experience. They try things out and then if it works, they pick it up and add and yes, and it, and then they pull out the things that didn't really work. I find that really interesting to watch happen. 

NiNi 

The concept of something being iterative like that in real time, it's not for everybody. 

Ben 

This series went on to do something super experimental where a couple of months after they released a continuation movie promising that these characters would get back together, they released an alternative universe season where only Haruta and Kurosawa were present from the original cast, and now we're at an airport dealing with a completely different set of characters and a slightly different dynamic. 

It also gave Twig and I our favorite bit. 

Twig

[laughs] Dispatch! 👍

Ben

Dispatch! 👍 Oh my God. It is so funny, every single time. 

NiNi 

Every time. 

Ben 

Every episode has at least two dispatch moments. [Twig laughs] It's so fucking funny. 

Twig 

Sometimes it's to end a conversation. Sometimes it's to greet somebody, sometimes it's to shut down a conversation, distract from someone saying something you don’t want them to say. 

Ben 

So in this particular season, Kurosawa is still a leader. He is the captain of a flight crew. Haruta is a new flight attendant who is joining this team. In this case, Kurosawa is not Haruta’s long-term mentor who has been harboring a crush on him. He develops his crush in real time. Haruta moves into company housing and there's a slightly older guy there who's got a crush on Haruta, but he won't say anything about it. And then there's the meanest twink who's ever existed in BL. 

NiNi 

I mean y'all just seem to be giving me multiple reasons to watch this show at this point, so. 

Ben 

So in the second season, there's far more complicated people in the Haruta stuff. There's Kaname who is the older mechanic who lives in the dorms, and he's got this huge crush on Haruta, but he'll never say anything about it. Naruse is causing fucking problems all the time, because every time he has relationship drama and people show up at their airport to fuck with him about it, he just starts kissing Haruta to make people go away. And then people throw drinks in Haruta’s face over it. Because Tanaka Kei is a master of physical comedy. 

Twig 

One of the staples of the series is what I call the Haruta reaction supercut, where they just have multiple cuts of Haruta’s face as it morphs into more and more absurd huh, no, whaaa faces. He does bend his body in ways that's like a cartoon falling over, it's pretty incredible. 

NiNi 

Ben knows that I love physical comedy. 

Twig 

Yoshida Kotaro has incredible physical comedy, too. 

Ben 

Like if you ever want to see an old man try and kill an aging twink [Twig laughs], this is the show for you. 

I get why people who liked the first show bounced off of this, because the rest of the cast is gone. The supporting cast is a really strong part of the Ossan’s Love experience, but I really like the AU season because I think it allowed them to retool Haruta and Kurosawa. And retool the relationship between them to make it more about their mentorship. They're building that relationship in the AU season ‘cause they don't know each other. 

Twig 

The thing that I really like about the AU setup is because Haruta is coming into a new environment, we get to see him build his network of people around him over the course of the season. Showing us what's likable about Haruta because he has to charm all these people around him in order to get friends and build a community, is a really important piece of the puzzle that allowed me to get to like that character a lot more, because he was charming me at the same time. 

Ben 

We get a lot of great moments in the season. Kurosawa has been a pilot for 30 years and he decides to retire and everyone is sad about it. I'm sad about it, Twig is crying about it. 

Twig 

Mmhm. 

Ben 

He ends up inviting the three guys who we've mentioned out to hang out in the park with him. He has this sumo tournament with them where he's basically giving them the last bit of advice he's going to give them and it is, one of the most intensely emotional man moments I have had in this genre. I was losing it and I was crying. I was hollering and screaming, messaging Twig like, “Wake up, I need to talk about this right now, I don't care what you're doing. Get up.” 

Truly, it is one of the best moments in TV about the relationships between men that I have ever experienced, and it is this hyper ridiculous sumo wrestling moment in a gay romance drama in the AU season that is technically not canon, and it was the moment from the series that lingers with me the most. 

Twig 

Even in the moment they're looking at each other like, is this happening? How is this happening? This isn't real. Nobody does this. Nobody calls each other to the side of the river with a note [laughs] to hold a wrestling competition in which we talk about our feelings. 

Ben 

But it works really well. I ended up really loving the way it allowed us to think about these two men and the relationship between them. We get to appreciate how important Kurosawa is to Haruta. 

Twig 

That sumo wrestling moment allows us to see Kurosawa's relationships with all of his subordinates. The way he's so firm and so gentle with Naruse, with like “soft landing,” meanwhile, throws Haruta out of the ring. 

Ben 

The way he talks to all of these men as specific to them, like his role as leader is strongest in the AU season. My primary concern for the Thai adaptation is who is playing Kurosawa, because this character is as important as the romantic leads. 

Twig 

I think it's more important. 

Ben 

I am with Twig. Who is going to match Yoshida Kotaro in Thailand? I need to know. 

Twig 

I'm eagerly awaiting that announcement. 

NiNi 

The answer is going to be Nu Surasak or Kob Songsit.

Ben 

I really hope it's good. 

00:39:00 - Ossan’s Love Returns

Ben

Ossan's Love Returns reunites the original cast after five years. Maki is returning from an extended stint in Singapore, and now he and Haruta are gonna start their cohabitating married life together. Maki is now part of the super team at headquarters, following up on the movie. Haruta is still on the streets with regular folk, ‘cause that's where he wants to be. Kurosawa has retired, I liked that follow up from the AU season. And now he's working as a housekeeper. Maki is working too much and Haruta is still bad at house, and so they hire a housekeeper, who ends up being Kurosawa [Twig laughs] who cannot hold back his feelings for Haruta and it becomes one of the ongoing dramas of the season. 

One of the things I enjoyed in this season is… they explore how to integrate Kurosawa into their lives long term. Haruta is serious about Maki and committed to their romance. Kurosawa is also extremely important to him and he treats him like a father figure. They explicitly have Choko talk to Kurosawa about how a lot of the ways he feels [laugh] about Maki are a lot of the ways a mother-in-law might feel about their daughter-in-law with the way they beef with each other. And when we say they beef with each other, I mean, these two men are legit fighting in their kitchen, like Kurosawa hits Maki in the head repeatedly with a frying pan. Maki legit throws Kurosawa through a door at one point and knocks it off the hinges. These two men, when they scrap with each other, are fighting for real and I love it every time.

NiNi

It's just like you all conspired to come into this recording booth today and just be like, okay, so you say this and I'll say that and between us we're gonna get her to watch this, because she likes this kind of stuff.

Ben

I didn't really have to work that hard. We're just legit talking about what the show was doing. We get a really great season of Maki and Haruta settling into what their life is going to look like. There's some introduced new characters in the season that we all had very complicated feelings about who I think end up fitting fine by the end. Most of the original cast comes back and there's like a really great bit of exploring what all these characters settling into their relationships that they got into in the first season in this one. 

So Haruta and Maki are now living together and figuring out what that is going to look like, who are they gonna be as a couple now that they're not doing long distance ‘cause they've basically been long distance between every outing. Which I think was a clever choice because it means that the characters’ relationship dynamic doesn't really move that much between outings. 

Choko is now living with Maro and Maro’s mom, and Choko is struggling because she's older than Maro's mom. She can't just treat this woman like her mother-in-law. And Maro doesn't know how to help because he's caught between his wife, who's way older than him, and his mom, who's confused and a little bit uncertain about this whole dynamic.

Twig

I also love that that's not the only thing we see Choko having worked through in the time we've been apart from her. She opened an archery range after her divorce, and sort of reinvented herself with this new life that she's actually thriving in.

Ben

They get new neighbors who are a bunch of weirdos.

Twig

[laughs] They're so weird. They're so weird.

Ben

These two are revealed to be members of, like, a public security division that maybe doesn't actually exist. Izumi ends up becoming obsessed with Haruta because he's a doppelganger for his dead lover who was killed in the line of duty, who is very, very different from Haruta. It was fun to see Tanaka Kei play a very different type of character in those flashbacks. I don't know that it entirely landed for me over the course of the season, but by the finale, which was fantastic, I was okay with them.

Twig

A large part of the way they were written is that they were a mystery for a large part of it, too. It's hard to bond with a character that you know nothing about and is intentionally opaque.

Ben

Chizu is trying to make it as a single mom and this reinforces one of the big themes of the season, that family is all the people who are going to show up for you all the time. She relies on Teppei and Maika to help, and she feels guilty about this and they tell her straight up, like, don't feel guilty. We are a family. You should rely on us. 

She had already made Haruta and Maki designated adults who can pick up her kid from the daycare. An important gay right of passage is your friend calling you and telling you I need you to go pick up my kid, and then you show up at said kindergarten to pick up a kid and they look at your ID and they go “oh you're allowed” and the kid runs to you and everybody goes, well, that makes sense. An important gay moment that everyone must experience.

Twig

One of the things that I love about this so much is that it picks up from a throw away line that Chizu says in the movie. She sort of brags that she's going to balance having a kid and her career. One of the things about the series is that it really feels like the people who are writing it love the whole series and are constantly thinking about how to call back in loving ways and how to pick up threads in loving ways. Something that she just sort of confidently stated she was going to do no problem in the movie becomes a whole plot in the following season.

Ben

There's a final arc in the season where Kurosawa has a health scare where we think he's going to die.

Twig

When we were talking about it, Ben, you said that it was an important moment for Maki and Haruta to confront the idea that Kurosawa won't always be around. And I was like, oh, that's why I don't like this part because I don't want to ever think about that. [Twig and Ben laugh]

Ben

The entire finale is this really great examination about the way this whole group of people are a family to each other.

Twig

It's not even just that it's happening, but they're explicit about it. They're having conversations about what is family? What are we to each other? How do we define our relationship? Where do those lines get drawn? And the answer is just sort of, yes.

Ben

There's an explicit line, like, what is Kurosawa to them? And then Maika comes over and hammers it home for the audience and is like, “There's no need to describe it. What matters is you all are going to be part of each other's lives forever.”

00:45:33 - Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

I don't think we talked about it as much. So, the first season is pretty light on kissing and intimacy between the male characters. Ossan's Love Returns is not! There's so much married intimacy between Haruta and Maki.

Twig

The casual intimacy in Ossan's Love Returns is constant, and it just feels very lived in? They're just constantly touching each other and having small kisses and teasing each other.

Ben

We got more of that today in the unexpected special spin-offs we're getting. I was like “ohh, I thought we were done. Oh, it's another cute little 20-minute office episode ending on the two of them making out next to the copier.” Love it.

NiNi

This is called Forbidden Gout Temps Nouveau. 

Twig

Mhmm.

NiNi

I have so many questions, but I feel like I should not ask those questions right now.

Ben

My general attitude is you don't need to watch all of Ossan's Love to enjoy parts of Ossan's Love. I think if you are interested in gay domesticity and complex family units, you can just watch Ossan's Love Returns right away.

NiNi

I'm watching it all. Eventually. I don't know when. There's a lot going on in the IRL space right now, but I'm gonna be watching the whole thing.

Twig

I feel like I should say something about the original short. It has a lot of the things that people found the hardest to swallow about season one. A lot of the stuff that they did originally they fixed or did better as they moved through. I would say the short is the thing to skip, of all of it, unless you're really curious about the journey of this franchise.

NiNi

I'm really fascinated by the idea of this as a reserve process of working through and refining the show in kind of a real time. I would like to see the whole thing just for that purpose. I'm a writer, so the way that this feels like multiple drafts, and you getting to actually see the multiple drafts to see why they might have decided to make a particular change in the next draft, or why they would have gone for an overhaul, or what would they have tweaked around the edges. I like the idea of looking at that.

Twig

It is not just the writing that they iterate. We haven't talked a lot about the visual effects that this show uses, but it has its own style. One of my favorites: it uses the bokeh effect, where the lighting in the background is blurred and sometimes takes shapes. It starts from the very beginning. You'll see the lights behind Kurosawa make little hearts while he's confessing to Haruta and Haruta’s has little like stop signs. [Ben laughs] And then they get bigger and bigger with that where Kurosawa’s hearts have little like heartbreak. They have– there’s little, like, zigzags in the hearts behind him when he gets rejected. Sometimes he'll be crying tear lights. That’s just one of the things that they play with in the different versions.

Ben

Naruse having that whole tantrum trying to get someone's attention for help? Then having that super cut of them screaming and then smash cutting to them just sitting at the table. There's like the courtroom audio stinger that dominates the first season that I fucking love [mimics the sound] thing that happens over the course of the whole season. It's so, so dramatic, and I'm like, “Is Judge Mathis gonna walk out? What is happening?”

Twig

Oh, and they do this thing where they hard cut to a visual metaphor like water leaking out of a water bottle or a pot boiling to represent the character’s emotions. There's so many visual moments. It's not just written well and acted well. It's also represented visually really well, and seeing how they experiment with that and how that changes. Like, the weird bobble heads we got in the AU season. I'm still not over those. I'm glad those didn't return.

Ben

It is not a perfect show. This is not a “Everybody was wrong. They should have watched all of this. Grab your pitchfork!” situation. This is not an easy show to love. If you can find your way to loving the show, I think it has been one of the most rewarding watches I've had in the genre since What Did You Eat Yesterday? 

Japanese BL is different from Thai BL. More experimental and weirder things are gonna happen over time if the series has a lot of leg in it, and Ossan's Love is one of those that has so much leg in it. Like the second season just ended, and I'd be okay if we don't see them again, but, I really hope we do.

Twig

Me too.

NiNi

All right, so let's get into ratings. I mean, is this the kind of thing that you rate? Instead of rating, let's rank. If you had to rank the different parts of the Ossan's Love franchise, how would you rank them? In terms of, for you, most enjoyable to probably the least enjoyable?

Ben

Well, the least enjoyable is the original special. It's the most rough and the hardest to swallow. I think the best season is the current one?

Twig

Yeah. I mean, for me, it's basically chronological order, I think. I struggle between the film and the AU ‘cause I like them for different reasons, and I struggled with them for different reasons. But I think Naruse tips it over there so that it stays ahead.

Ben

[Ben and Twig laugh] I love that mean twink!

Twig

He's just so great.

Ben

I don't know that I'd want to…rank them that way. I think each outing adds something to it. It's really a question of, do you like seeing people try to get together for the first time, or do you really like seeing people be together? For me, I'm very partial to Ossan's Love Returns because it's about gay life drama, which is what I’ve wanted for a while. And so I'm really fucking enjoying that.

Twig

Yeah, I love it when people have to figure out, “Now that we're in this relationship, how do we make this work?”

Ben

But I also love the AU season. I think the retooling of Haruta and Kurosawa is actually really helpful. I think taking a break from Maki is actually helpful for appreciating Haruta when you come back to them. I think you end up liking Haruta more by the time you get to Ossan's Love Returns and seeing the potential in him. The love people are trying to pour on to him in the current season is more accessible to me as a viewer because I got to spend time with Haruta growing to love him in the AU season.

Twig

I also just have affection for an entire season that seems to have basically been built off of like a throwaway reference to episode one, when Haruta says he's most attracted to stewardesses. And then, and also, like, maybe a pun because Kurosawa’s character is called bucho which means, like, manager essentially through all of the regular Ossan's Love stories. But in the AU he's kucho because he's a captain. And I think that's very funny.

Ben

In terms of my ratings, I'm looking at on MDL, I gave Ossan's Love and Ossan's Love Returns a 9. But I gave the AU season a 9.5. [Ben and Twig laugh] So, there's your answer.

Twig

There you go.

Ben

Twig, what did you rate the second season? I know ratings aren't always your thing, but did you give the second season a rating?

Twig

I didn't. If I was going to give it a rating. Ossan's Love Returns? Yeah, I’d give it a 9.

Ben

It's a 9 for me in that I think if you're into BL, you should watch the show, but I don't know that it is the most accessible show, so I don't want to give it a 10.

Twig

I think the thing about this show, too, is it's about multiple relationships. It's not just about Maki and Haruta, and I wouldn't even say their relationship dominates the story. So, to rank it against other BL as a romance narrative is quite difficult. It's about family and what that means in a queer context. Part of that is romance, but it's not even the biggest part? The family feels is what gets me about this series.

Ben

That's going to do it for Ossan's Love. We have succeeded at our mission. NiNi has agreed to watch the show. Twig and I got to unpack the entirety of this whole franchise. We have the benefit of knowing it gets better over time now, and so I don't begrudge people bouncing when they did in 2018. I think that in 2024, it is beneficial for people who care about the history of the genre to go back and properly engage with Ossan's Love. I genuinely think it is worth reconsidering your initial opinion. They… grow. Their characters are not static. What has occurred is taken seriously and what worked and didn't work is considered as they move forward.

NiNi

That is going to wrap us up on the Ossan's Love episode. Twig, it was so great having you on, and I hope you come back.

Twig

Thank you so much for having me. It was really fun.

NiNi

With that, we out. Say bye to the people, Twig.

Twig

Dispatch!👍

Ben

Dispatch! 👍

NiNi

At some point I'm going to find out what that means, and then I will be unstoppable. Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

#ossan's love returns #ossan's love #ben and nini's conversations #podcast #lgbtq #the conversation #on art #thai bl #bl series #japanese bl #spring series #spring 2024

[romanoffsbish]

You Belong…

Wanda Maximoff x FemPlusSize!Reader

Wanda Maximoff x Vision

Natasha x Reader x Yelena (Sisters)

Warnings: Red Room/Dreykov mentioned, alluded to past homelessness, Insecurities/Nervous stutter, unwanted male advances, Violence!!, Jealousy.

Chubby/Round Belly/Stretch Marks(non offensive, but warning anyways in case it’s not a positive for you 💋)

The insecurity warning isn’t really drawn upon by the reader’s size. Words like “chubby” were used as a descriptor, and I hope that’s not taken negatively because personally I find no shame in the term.

This one was a test of writers block for me, thank Halsey for being able to focus me 😂. I reread this one like 5 times in fear that parts seemed lazily strung together, I hope you all enjoy ❤️💋

10.6k words

Fluff times infinity, with the briefest moments of angst. Wanda’s heavily riding the simp train 💋.

Minors DNI! | 18 +

Smut: Choking, Teasing, Fingering(With rings 😉), Oral, Nipple stimulation/Food play, Strap-Penetration/Riding, Overstimulation/Hyperventilation (W) Nipple/Clit Stimulation, Magic: Phantom penetration, Daddy(R)

"Yelena, this is the last time I'm helping you with Valentina, you know how much I do not approve of your endeavors.," the blonde snorts, "Y/N Y/L/N, I do not need your help, I only acquire it because if I didn't you'd stay in our damn apartment all day long, and that's just not healthy, you need the fresh air too." You roll your eyes because the blonde literally set you up in an enclosed, abandoned building., "Yelena, I do all my hacking from home, it's called efficiency, and my work doesn't usually involve violence and death.," Yelena scoffs., "Well mine gets bad guys off the streets, a bit unconventional sure, but just as efficient."

——————————————————

"Yeah, yeah... I found your target, he's at a restaurant just up the street, and if these texts are correct he'll be headed to the Avengers compound next..." You pause, going over the information you'd pulled up, and find yourself confused., "Yel, are you sure he's a bad guy? If my sources are correct, which they are, he's —." The clearing of one's throat cuts your findings off., "A former shield agent turned well known Avenger who's now on track to retiring, he's a husband and father of three, oh, and the best friend of the one and only Natasha Romanoff."

You smile at the sound of the familiar voice, "Natty!," she chuckles as she catches you, and to your forever shock she spins you around., "Privet moy dragotsennyy angel.," she greets then settles you down with a kiss to your forehead, followed up by a glare sent Yelena's way., "Privet moy malen'kiy zasranets."

(Hello my: precious angel / little shit)

"What are you doing here sestra? It's such a pleasure." Yelena condescends, plopping down into your spinny chair as she flips her off., "Well, I'd been celebrating at my dear friends retirement dinner when I got news that a pair of assassins had been hired to take him out. You groan, "Natasha, I'm not an assassin..." and she deadpans., "You were raised with us in the redroom, and you're helping Yelena to find her hits, so really, you are one by all accounts." You sigh, then move over to help Yelena glare at her., "Why do you help her anyways?"

"Because, she needs to get out of the house!" You scoff, "Because Yelena is a codependent little shit, and can do nothing without me!" Natasha smirks at your correction., "Am not!," Yelena shrieks as she swiftly jumps up to her feet, her finger now pressing into your chest., "Are too! I'd actually leave the house on my own if not for all of your messes left behind."

Natasha humors your little bickering session, honestly, she misses being involved in them. Which is why she's a bit excited to talk to you., "Fine! I will prove it that I can be independent! I'm going home all by myself, and don't worry Natasha your precious Clint Barton is safe.," You hold back your laugh, knowing her truth is simply because you'd just wiped your findings.

"She went the wrong way, huh?" Natasha jests, and you turn to her with a smirk., "Good, I need to talk to you both, but to you first..."

—

Natasha stares over at you with wide eyes, wondering if you'll ever stop pacing around., "Y/N, I'm really sorry, but it's truly the best I could do." You stop pacing, pizza slice dangling from your hand as you stare back at your found sister. "Natty, I know, it's just, I don't see how I'd fit in with the whole Avengers squad, you're all so incredibly fit, and are amazing fighter's, and I'm just a half baked assassin with decent hacking abilities."

Sure, you grew up in the red-room, but as soon as your body began to defy the expectations of a widow you'd been tossed aside by Dreykov, the irony of the situation never lost on you. Had it not been for Natasha and Yelena you're certain he would've killed you, but having been drugged and thrown onto the cold streets of Russia with nothing to your name, well, or a name to even begin with, wasn't much better.

Hacking had been your primary focus in the program, you were always at the top of your class, and that was all that kept you alive throughout the rest of your formative years, and therefore most of your early twenties. Eventually, after many years alone, you had managed to track down both of your sisters; it was a bad time when you found them, but after all the fighting it was a joyous reunion for all.

Natasha went back to her life as an Avenger, and you took a freshly free'd Yelena under your wing, allowing her to stay in your spare room, and over time you somehow got dragged into her illegal workings, which had all lead you into this unfavorable moment.

"You're a skilled enough fighter, and really you'd just be our incredibly smart eye candy." Natasha teases with that stupid smirk, and you roll your eyes exaggeratedly as you plop down beside her with a heavy sigh., "Natty, it's just not a good fit, I don't think you've thought this all through.," Natasha sighs, shifting to face you with a much softer gaze, her hand lifting to cup your chubby cheek, and her thumb gently caresses your skin., "I promise I thought it all through angel, I'm bringing Lena on too, and you must know that required a lot of thought."

Natasha settles into the couch as you laugh so freely., "You just need to trust me angel, have I ever led you astray?," you instantly deadpan., "Okay, besides that one time at the bar, you really need to let that go." Natasha sinks into the couch at the resurfaced memory of your psychotic ex that she might've encouraged, or better yet drunkenly shoved at you.

Your incredulous laughter fills the space., "Natty, that psycho still calls me to this day, and I can't keep changing my damn number.," "What's wrong then? You're just that good! Now please, just say yes so I don't have to throw you guys in the slammer.,"

"You're lucky I love you Natalia.," Natasha cheers at your indirect yes, pulling you in for a bear hug that leads into a snuggle session., "See, when you stay at the compound on the rare occasion we'll be able to cuddle!," you giggle, then as you went to tease her for being a softy your apartment door slams into the wall.

"Oh my God! Y/N/N! Did you move the apartment again?!" Natasha looks down at you with furrowed brows and a growing smirk., "No Lena, you just got lost once again.," The blonde scoffs., "I am a spy, I do not get lost." You roll your eyes at the blatant lies, and Natasha clears her throat., "Lena, you have two options, go to jail, or become an Avenger."

Yelena laughs wildly, "Your jail can not hold me Natalia.," her spoon settles into the pot of mac and cheese you made for her, and she then douses it in so much hot sauce that it leaves the redhead holding you beyond speechless., "Yelena, we are Avengers now.," the blonde looks to you with suspicious eyes., "If Y/N is in, then so am I, she kinda needs me to survive."

"Yay! It's settled then my dearest sestras, you'll report to the compound with me tomorrow." Natasha instantly cheers, cutting off the fight before it could pick up, and you give her the satisfaction by taking the higher road, for now anyways...

——

Ten months into being an honorary Avenger and you couldn't be settling in any better, the team welcomed you both with open arms, and your wild stories about the normally private redhead had you quickly becoming everyone's favorite. Natasha had a massive soft spot for you so she'd let it slide, especially with how nervous you had been about joining the team.

Tony and you got along the best, he loved the new ammo given to use against Natasha, but even more so he really enjoyed setting up unnecessary barriers for you to crack through. He was in awe to have finally met someone on his intellectual level; he'd make something as simple as making coffee a task for you, so in retaliation one day you'd hacked into Friday.

For an entire week the men of the compound, excusing Bucky, were stunted when the AI was only able to speak in and understand Russian. Tony would manage to crack through a firewall just for another to keep him blocked long enough for you to reinstate the previously broken down one. Had it not been for Fury needing you for a mission one day it would've likely lasted for an indefinite amount of time. He still finds ways to mess with you, but he learned not to mess with your morning coffee, which saved him in the long run, and you too.

Like now, you were currently stood at the machine preparing a handful of thermos's. Today was your first on sight mission since their system was far too advanced for a long distanced hacking. This missions team had included both of your sisters, the Captain, and unfortunately for you, the witch who always left you a stumbling mess whenever she so much as greeted you in the compound kitchen.

Wanda Maximoff, she was the most beautiful woman you'd had the fortune of laying your eyes upon, but you being you made everything beyond awkward, plus she was dating Vision. The first time you'd met her, she introduced herself and shook your hand as was the polite thing to do. In return you stuttered her name back in place of your own, barely managing to meet her hand; she'd chuckled at your state, and offered a smile with eyes that appeared to be filled with pity, it was absolutely mortifying. Over time though the two of you had become good friends, she'd come to your girls nights with your sisters, unfairly worming her way into your heart, leaving you a hopeless mess.

Natasha entered the kitchen to make herself coffee, but then she smiled when she saw you already had, using the bedazzled thermos you made for her with her name and widow logo., "Good morning moy dragotsennyy angel.," she gleefully greets, then quickly spins you around to pull you in for a quick hug before releasing you to jump onto the counter across from you. 

"Good morning sestra, did you sleep well?" You ask, then lift the bonus mug full of coffee up to her eye line, and she gratefully takes it., "Yes.," She hums in total satisfaction as the first sip of the preferred bitter drink warms her throat., "Are you ready for the mission?," you nod with a tight lipped smile to accompany, so she settles her now empty mug down to cup your soft cheeks, transferring over the warmth from her hands and you sigh at the simple affection.

"You'll do just fine.," she coos, and you look up to her with eyes full of worry "I know Natty, I'm just worried about all of you, also I'm kind of dead weight if anything were to go wrong." You whine when she pinches your cheeks, her eyes hardening., "Don't start, you're just as capable, shut it down, and be on the jet in ten."

Natasha then leaves the kitchen with her full thermos, running back in just to wink at you, and as soon as she's gone Wanda's entering. "Good morning Y/N/N!!," her smile was as bright as ever when she saw you stood there, and it only grew when you passed her over a new grey thermos covered in dark red glitter., "I-It's supposed to resemble your powers, that's why it's covered in beautiful swirls." you nervously rambled off, avoiding her soft eyes.

Wanda's heart skips a beat when she hears how you utter the word beautiful in comparison to her powers, nobody's ever said something so pure to her, and she's kinda glad it was you. Then when she realizes you made her tea instead of coffee she's near to crumbling, you were just incredibly thoughtful and attentive. Flipping the script she kisses your cheek in thanks, relishing in the warmth of your skin, and your nervous, spluttering thoughts.

"Thank you krasivaya.," She smirks as your eyes widen, and she takes a sip of her drink like nothing had happened., "Care to accompany me to the jet before we're late, and end up receiving the Captain's dreadfully long speech about time management?," you giggle and link your arm with hers, ignoring the way being so close to her makes you feel, and doing your best to keep the doomed butterflies at bay.

Natasha smirks when she hears you and Wanda entering the jet in fits of giggles, then Yelena ruins the moment with her screams as she receives her coffee, the koozie cut into a matching vest a beyond exciting sight for her.  When you hand Steve his thermos covered in patriotic peaches he looks to you confused. Yelena's sudden cackling, and the others smirks a sign to him that there was indeed a hidden message, but he overlooks it as he's in mission mode. He thanks you then joins Natasha in the cockpit to get the jet flying.

—

"Stay safe!" You shout as they all exit the jet, heading off to raid the Hydra base you just disarmed, and you return to your setup to keep an eye on them through the cameras, helpfully offering them tips through the coms when you see something ahead that they can't.

They'd been doing relatively well, evading the guards, collecting all that they needed; it was honestly beyond your previous expectations,  so when Yelena had deviated from the route and found herself cornered you had gasped., "Hello everybody, I'm in a bit of a cucumber.," she whispered into the comms, and you saw her getting thrown around right after.

"Yelena, what are you talking about?" Natasha grunted into her coms, the other three now engaged in a fight of their own, and even if they were available they were a floor up on the East side of the building, and so you were left with only one choice., "Nat, she meant a pickle, and don't you worry, I-I'm on my way right now." Wanda's heart skips and she gasps "What?," Natasha swiftly knocks the man before her down, then shouts into the coms., "Y/N no, stay on the jet, just tell us where she is!"

"I'm capable Nat, remember?," You awkwardly pant into the coms as you'd just been running, kicking the door in you make the short jaunt to your sister, finding her still upright but the clear staggering had you worried., "Yel, move." Hydra men stop to get a look at you, all of them sharing looks before their obnoxious, booming laughter fills the tiny space as Yelena hobbles behind you., "What is this? Your backup?" Yelena sneers, "No! She is just my beautiful sestra! She doesn't believe in violence."

The men smile deviously as your not so smart sister portrays you as incapable, and honestly, that might've been to your benefit as their egos doubled., "Look boys, now we have two woman to take back to the boss man, he'll be thrilled.,"  You grimace at the underlying meaning in his overtly lust ridden tone, and as they make a move towards you both you get into a fighting stance., "How cute, she thinks she can win.,"

You chuckle, patience having run thin ages ago, and just as one nears you lay him out with a simple kick to his manly hood, but he'd still managed to mar your face., "How rude...," Then you whip out your secret weapon, a loud whirring noise follows, and you vaguely hear Natasha scoff., "Hey, are those my batons?!," In quick succession you slam the electrified sticks into the sides of the other twos necks, then again into their backs and they crumble., "Give me your pistol." Yelena just giggles, you groan but make a quick move to snatch it from her, muscle memory kicks in and you shoot the remaining goon straight through the head without even glancing his way, then for good measure you off the other three.

Yelena looks at you wide eyed, and mouth agape, and you just smirk at her shocked face., "You-You just...," her spluttering is cut off by your cocky response., "Yes Lena, I saved you.," Yelena's face drops into an offended scowl., "Psh! I was just faking them out, I'm so fine." You shrug, "Okay, I'll see you on the jet then."

Yelena freezes, her pride leaving her stuck, because the truth is her legs felt like jello., "Wait! Come back!" She shouts into the coms, you giggle., "Say the words, and I'm yours.," Yelena whispers curses to herself in Russian, "Y/N Y/L/N, please come back, I need you.," She regrets it as soon as she says it, Natasha's inappropriate laughter crosses through the coms., "Ladies! Focus up, and get to the jet!"

The Captain's commands make you groan in annoyance, but you listen and scoop the blonde up, and she happily snuggles into your chest., "I'm sorry you had to leave the jet Y/N/N.," You shush her tired apologies, then cautiously make your way to the jet in relative silence.

You lay her down onto the medical bed, and give her an ice pack as that's all you could really offer her., "You're hurt...," you look over to see your blonde sister pouting over at you. It warms your heart to see her concern, but it's unnecessary, so you wipe her unshed tears., "I'm fine, you though, not so much, get some rest Lena..." and after another minute of her grumbling she gives into the exhaustion.

Once you'd settled down yourself, and your eyes had momentarily closed Natasha was rushing onto the jet in hysterics., "Y/N, oh my gosh, thank God you're okay... Wait, your face, what were you thinking?!" You caught her hands that were slapping at your chest., "Natalia! Knock it off, I was thinking our idiot of a sister was in trouble, and that all of you were too far away to get to her. It's a couple scratches, I got worse from the alley cats on the streets of Russia, stop being such a mom!"

The former assassins face drops at the mention of your time on the streets, but then she's beaming over your outburst., "Well, I guess I was right then, moy dragotsennyy angel was capable.," she then pinches your cheeks for emphasis, laughing boisterously when you shove her away right after. With a quick look back to the witch she turns to subtly wink at you, and you're far too tired to decipher what she's trying to say, especially when you look back to see that Wanda's menacing glare aimed at you. Your eyes were quick to close again, and the shaking of the jet lulls you to sleep.

—

Everyone else already left the jet, but Wanda graciously agreed to stay behind to wake you. She decided to sit and watch you sleep for a bit because the sight of you so peaceful made her incredibly happy. Then she saw the marks on your face, a reminder that you went into the Hydra base, and all the fear it filled her with, so all too suddenly she was making her way over to you without much control.

"Ow...," you groaned, hand flying up to rub at your forehead, your eyes slowly fluttered open to see the beautiful Sokovian woman who you were beyond smitten with staring back at you as if you'd killed her cat, causing you to gulp., "Wands, wh-where's everybody else?"

Ignoring you the woman heads to the back of the jet, magic preventing you from following, so you just sat there rather perplexed until she returned with the first aid kit, and then you couldn't breathe when she straddled your lap. Wanda's lips briefly quirked up when your breath hitched, and just to be a bit bratty she ground herself into you while seeming to be readjusting, and it took everything in you not to moan at the more than welcome sensation.

When she finally looked at you her gaze was back to impassive as she had silently began to clean up your eyebrow with some antiseptic. "Wa-Wands, did I-I do something wrong?," Her resolve was crumbling when your stutter began to resurface, it's not like you did this maliciously, hurting her precious detka and all.

Wanda sighs, her soft breath fanning across your face, and your lips tingle with a want., "You should've stayed on the jet Y/N/N, I could've flown to her you know...," then it hits you, she was clearly just worried about you, and that alone has you falling harder for her., "Oh, I'm fine Wands, I promise." Your attempt to convince her with a soft smile is futile when the next dab of antiseptic has you wincing, and tightly closing your eyes.

Wanda frowns, and the uncomfortable silence falls over the both of you once again, and it makes your entire body feel itchy, the idea that you'd upset the woman, and the corresponding anxiety entirely consumes you, and as per usual you find a way to say the wrong thing., "So, how's life? Vision treating you well?" When her entire body tenses above yours you're mentally cursing yourself for making her uncomfortable again., "Um, I'm so-sorry, I was just trying to cut through the silence, I-I didn't mean to make you more uncomfortable."

Wanda sighs., "I'm moving down to your lips.," Shockingly soft fingers trace over your busted lip, and you do your very best just to keep your breathing regulated., "Vis and I broke up.," Your eyes pop open, and Wanda's orbs actively avoided meeting yours, because truth be told she didn't want the sympathy they'd offer her, the anticlimactic break up was all her doing.

Her reservations about her relationship had actually started after she first met you, she'd felt this electric shock run through her body when she shook your hand, and so she tried avoiding you at first, but it was rather fruitless. Everything about you was far too alluring, the wit to rival that of the insufferable billionaires, that goofy smile that always made her own lips curl, your adorable laughter that never failed to make her stomach flutter and heart skip beats, then there were those lonely nights where your not so innocent thoughts would reach her and they simply drove her up the wall.

The robot just couldn't give her everything she'd needed, the love she held for him slowly transcended from romantic to simple nostalgia. Vision was sweet, and an overall good 'person', but so were you, and you just offered so much more, and she's been dying to explore it all too. But she also knew she had to be cautious with you, you'd been burned quite a lot in the past; you deserved to be loved properly, and she'd be damned if she didn't make sure to woo you.

Wanda finally met your eyes when she finished staring at your perfect, kissable lips, and as expected she saw your soft eyes, and her heart was a pile of mush, then she saw as a glint of mischief spark in them., "Do you need me to hack into his mainframe? I'm pretty sure I could make him punch himself at the party Stark will inevitably throw for us tonight?," Wanda threw her head back in a fit of bellyaching laughter, and you were quick to wrap an arm tightly around her waist, your hand settling on her lower back to keep her from falling off your lap, and if not for your spy training you would've missed the deep blush that spread up her neck, and onto her cheeks. 

"No Y/N/N, it was actually pretty amicable...," She genuinely confessed, your warm smile had her swooning, and craving to keep you close., "However, I wouldn't mind one of your famous cuddle sessions to lift my lowered spirits, you kinda owe me anyways for scaring me today.," You chuckle at her finesse, as if she hadn't been near to cuddling you already, you hum in faux contemplation, and Wanda squeals excitedly when you wrap both of your arms around her in a silent confirmation of her devious plans.

"Tell me Wands, your bed or mine?," You lowly tease, and the beautiful, overtly flustered woman giggles into your chest,., "Mine is fine.," With the confirmation you're standing up, your arms adjusting to scoop under Wanda's thighs to prevent her legs from being left to dangle, her arms settle over your plush waist, and she takes advantage of this perfect moment to rest her head against your chest while you make the short trek to her room on the second floor.

Wanda reluctantly separates from your body when you reach beyond the door she'd flicked open, she looks away from you, cursing herself for having forgotten how messy it'd become., "Sorry for the mess.," Wanda moves quickly to brush everything off the bed and to the floor., "Psh, this is nothing, honestly, your room being like this is rather comforting. Perfect little miss Wanda Maximoff, the one who yells at us for not using a coaster is a secret slob, I can't wait to tell all the guys." Wanda glares over at you, the subtle tilting of her head makes you freeze, no words are said, they don't even have to be as you nod in complete understanding.

"Good girl.," She beams, then she throws back her covers, patting her bed and as soon as you touch down she's clinging to you like a koala., "Hope you live up to my expectations detka.," They were high too, based on word of mouth, but seeing as how you could actually do no wrong in her eyes you could probably just lay there like a brick and she'd be content.

Which is the current case as your brain works over time, continuously analyzing the use of the Russian pet name, because she has just called you baby, and you've been dreaming of this moment for months, but now you're lost. On the one hand, if she asked you out you'd say yes in a heartbeat, on the other hand, she's only just become single and you're almost certain your hope has you reading into the last hour; the last thing you'd want is to be a rebound. Her obvious displeased shuffling pulled you out of your spiral, and you pulled her even closer, and she groaned when your hand began to rub perfect, gentle circles into her back, working out the knots from the mission.

The warmth, and immense comfort having you close brought her was making the already tired woman slip in between levels of consciousness, and it was the most adorable thing you'd seen. Every time she'd close her eyes it would take her that much longer to reopen them, her lips would pucker, and nose would scrunch when she was obviously fighting the exhaustion, then her face would smooth back out, her plump lips would part, soft breaths tickling at your skin as she had slowly made her way on top of you.

Once Wanda had truly fallen asleep you still remained, holding onto her for a few minutes, and admiring her soft features; allowing her to reach a deeper state of slumber before you slip out—rather elegantly if you might add, you then covered her up before rushing off to find the trouble maker that is your eldest sister.

—

"You knew!" Natasha flinches at your sudden accusatory tone, but her lips quirk at the truth of your words as she flips the page of her book., "Shhh, Lena's recovering, use your inside—.," She squeals, effectively cutting her sentence off, then she's whining like a petulant child as you drag her out of the secluded room, and into the medbay hallway.

"Fine, I knew, but what is it you're referencing? That Wanda's finally single, or that you two are a literal match made in smitten kitten heaven?" Her smug smile made you scowl., "So, this is why you were being so sketchy then? All the looks, and the winking, what's your point?" Natasha smirks., "My point was you needed to make your move, and it seems to me you did."

With a confused mind you follow her eyes, you then use your phone to see that your neck has a smear of vibrant red lipstick, and your eyes widen., "No-o, Natty, it's not what you think.," Natasha deadpans., "Trust me, I know, but that doesn't mean it won't be happening tonight after the party though.," she teases with a wink.

"What's your fascination with getting me laid?" Natasha chortles rather boisterously, then she's cupping your plush cheeks, and settling her forehead against yours., "Angel, this time it's not about that, it's a bonus sure, but this is about you finally getting the love you fucking deserve, and I know the little witch will offer.,"

At the sound of your sniffling the big, scary assassin pulls you in for a tight hug, swaying the both of you in place until you're no longer wetting her shirt with your appreciative tears., "You better be right Natty, I won't survive if you're wrong here.," Natasha scoffs., "I'm never wrong—don't even start with the ex—just stop being a scaredy-cat, and ask her out."

With a final, tight squeeze she lets you go, using her thumbs she wipes away the residual tears, "I'll do it, or at least I promise to try.," Natasha nods with an encouraging smile, she knows you're being honest, and it's far better than you just shrugging her off altogether.

"After tonight I'm taking a much needed week off, then it's onto Yelena and the goofy archer." You shake your head as you head for the door.,

"Oh Natalia, vsegda tak effektiven v vashem vmeshatel'stve." Natasha shouts out after you., "It's my duty as the oldest sister, and just as soon as you're both settled down I'll finally ask Maria out." quietly mumbling the last part before shouting once more., "Go get em tiger!!"

(Always so effective with your meddling)

—

Wanda was disappointed when she woke up without you, but she also knew you'd be gone. Your thoughts were rather loud; detka might've been a bit rushed, but she just couldn't help to utter it when she was cuddled up close to you. Having you for the brief stint made her realize tonight was the night she had to make a move. Seeing as how you're the 'reason for the party,' she knew you'd be here, Tony would drag you here kicking and screaming to make sure of it. Even after ten months you still didn't like to go to the parties, staying in the shadows was your preferred mode of existence, and she never usually minded because she'd been able slip off to watch movies with you.

While she awaits your arrival she rushes over to the bar, her back to those working as her stool is turned to let her know you're here., "Wands, what's your mode of liquid courage?," Wanda turns to see the smirking redhead, an array of alcohol bottles in her hand, and two empty shot glasses waiting to be filled., "Is it really that obvious?," She grumbles while pointing to the expensive bottle of vodka, Nat offers her a reassuring smile while pouring. "Oh Wands, you two are disgustingly obvious. Y/N could hardly string a sentence together whenever you use to enter a room, and she still hardly can after all this time, plus she's never laughed so hard like she does with you.,"

Natasha pauses, handing over the booze, and they throw the shot glasses back with ease., "Then there's you, following her around like a smitten kitten, and ending a three year long relationship a few months after her arrival.," Natasha refills the glasses, and they clink in early celebration., "Why is she so oblivious Nat? Because I'm in deep and she just doesn't seem to get it, she didn't even know we broke up, she asked how we were doing as a couple as I was literally straddling her lap, and then I called her detka before quite literally laying on top of her as we cuddled."

Natasha hums thoughtfully as the next shot slides down her throat with a delicious burn., "Well, it's not enough to be an obvious flirt with Y/N, she requires a more blunt approach. To you the cuddling is a clear sign of your infatuation, to her it was a sweet moment with the unobtainable girl of her dreams.," Wanda frowns at the comment., "Her brain moves a mile a minute, and if Y/N's always been one thing it's an over thinker. Even if she gets to the conclusion that you're into her she's likely talked herself out of the thought a second later, as a mind reader I'm sure you've heard her."

Wanda's brows furrow at the insinuation., "Natasha, I don't intentionally read anyones thoughts.," Natasha throws a quick hand up., "I'm aware, but I also know from your training that you can't block everything out, and Y/N's thoughts are probably more like loud alarms.," Wanda cheers to that, because it's a correct inference., "Just promise me this one thing.," Wanda, though tipsy, straightens herself up and maintains a respectable eye contact., "Don't break her heart, I really don't want to have to fight you, but I will for my angel."

"No, I'd never do that Nat! I've felt more with her in ten months then I ever did with Vis, she is like my wildest dream come true, I love her." Natasha beams at the obvious confession, then she peers over her shoulder just in time to see you nervously stopped before the doorway, your hands fidgeting, and as if you were a conductor of a freight train Wanda's all aboard.

*If you turn around now, then you don't have to face any of the judgmental shield agents.*

*No! I belong here just as much as they do, I even proved it today.*

*Wanda's definitely there, probably looking beautiful in a pretty little dress... Maybe she's even waiting for me to show up...*

*Or Natty's just a deluded little freak, and I'm about to make a total fool of myself.*

*No, I-I need to at least try... Right?*

Wanda smiled endearingly at the way your nervous stutter transcends the verbal, she watched you step into the party with baited breath, and fucking hell did you look stunning. Wearing a pair of black flare pants with thin golden stripes running up the legs, paired with a silky, golden button up crop top that gave her the perfect view of your visibly softened skin. Your hands were adorned with stacked golden rings, and she was close to squirming at the thought of the cold metal digging into her skin with your fingers wrapped around her throat. She quickly frowned when the metal armed nitwit blocked her delicious view of you.

"Hiya doll, well don't you look ravishing.," Bucky greets, and your whole body tenses, the super soldier has been relentless with his advances, and though he's normally a nice guy you just can't respect his inability to read the room, or hear you when you turn him down., "Hey Bucky." You greet with a tight smile, and he pulls you in for a hug, his hand on your exposed skin makes you unnaturally nauseous, the glares casted upon you from various Shield women only makes your anxiety peak more.

*Nope, I'm out.*

Wanda rushes after you before Nat could even warn her that you were going to flee, stumbling as she was she still made quick work to reach you, and in a tipsy state of desperation she pounces on you, causing you to stumble into a cramped closet, she winced when you groaned as a broomstick plunged into your plush belly.

"Y/N/N, I'm sorry..." Wanda illuminates the closet in hues of red, her gaze falling to your clutched abdomen and without much thought her hands replace yours, her surprisingly cold fingers work wonders on the irritated skin,. "No worries Wands, I-I'm okay.," your hands settled over hers, and it was truly electrifying, but your warm smile is what really did her in.

Nerves wracked your body the longer you stood there in silence just staring at one another., "Wands, why are we in the closet? I've been out for awhile now, I never planned to return.," Wanda playfully rolls her eyes at your humor, but really she appreciates the way you had the courage to cut through the tense silence, all her planned words having died on her tongue once she touched you., "You belong here."

Your entire face scrunches in pure confusion., "Um... You think I belong in a janitors closet?," Wanda internally groans at her misconstrued message., "Noooo, I-I, you belong with me.," Your breath hitches, her words loaded, but not quite as dizzying as her feather soft touches. Lithe fingers slowly run across your stomach, tracing delicate lines over your stretch marks until her hands are softly gripping at your hips.

"I-It's a good song, really, but Red's her best album, have you heard Sad Beautiful Tragic?," Wanda's heart cracks, using humor to mask your fears doing nothing as your thoughts are screaming at you not to fall for this., "Y/N....," she whispers your name, her voice cracking, and it breaks your heart to know you're the reason for her slightly trembling lip., "Please, can you believe me when I say that I love you.," her head falls to hide the tears burning at the corner of her eyes, you can hear the sniffle, but the fear still overruled your heart.

"Wands, please don't say it if you don't...," Wanda's lips are incredibly soft as they land on yours in an attempt to cut your words off, using actions to convince your stubborn mind of the truth since her words just continue to fail her., "I love you, every single thing about you, you are perfect to me.. for me.. So stop running!" Her grip on you'd somehow managed to get even tighter, and your hands dropped to grab hers, pulling them off you, and her face fell.

Wanda was surely about to cry, but then your hands were interlocking with hers, and the sight of your warm smile filled her with hope., "Wanda, dorogoy, you know I don't run...," Joking aside she could see you were genuinely in when she looked into your eyes, and those loud doubts of yours had ceased to exist., "Fucking asshole...," She groaned, and you chuckled before pulling her back in for a sweet kiss that turned heated rather quickly, her hands traveling beneath your loose top telling you just exactly where this night was headed.

A shiver runs down her spine when your soft, near breathless chuckles fan across her neck., "Wanda, I will not be having my way with you in a stuffy janitors closet.," Wanda whined, her need to be touched by you had her impatient, so with her heels in her hand, and yours in her other she hurriedly pulled you out of the closet. With a clear determination on her face she was hurriedly pulling you off towards the elevator. Her foot was tapping impatiently against the carpet, the ding of the elevator doors failing to ring out, she had a mind about her to use her magic to speed the machine along. Luckily it was only a few moments later that the doors were opening and she was flinging you into the rig, leaving you to wonder where exactly it is that she stored all that strength.

Without any warning, much like before, she was pouncing on you, but this time you had managed to see it coming and caught her, your hands garnering a rough grip upon her lush ass. A pained groan leaving you as your back hit the hard wall of the elevator, only to then be swallowed by the Sokovian as her plump lips slammed into yours with an unbridled passion. Wanda's lithe hands found purchase in your locks, roughly tangling into your soft hair, and keeping her steady as you tenderly massaged the thinly covered flesh of her bottom.

Breathy moans a direct response to your touch leaving way for you to slip your tongue right into her mouth, making you successful in your need to deepen the kiss; to get a taste of her. Wanda hadn't thought she could feel more desperate, but every move you make proves her wrong, her hips now involuntarily grinding her against you as her need for friction had steadily increased., "Shit... Detka, are you packing?," she groaned, and you nearly lost the rhythm of the kiss as the urge to smirk overwhelmed you. Wordlessly though you had answered her, using your strong hold on her ass you slowly pushed her practically bare core flush against the clothed bulge as her dress had become bunched up at her hips at some point,. "Fuck!"

Wanda was thanking the stars that the elevator doors were finally opening, never in her life had traveling to the second floor taken so long, and she was even more thankful that you'd resolved to carry her to the room, because she's not sure she could've managed the walk alone. On the short journey to her room your lips had made a path of marks on their journey to her pulse point, biting into the skin you heard her suck in a harsh breath, swiping your tongue over the deep mark in an attempt to soothe her all the while one of your hands was wildly searching for the doorknob.

Wanda was beyond desperate for you, but when you went to open the door she began to panic about the pace of the night, she didn't want you to think she was trying to use you. Your hand was quickly encased by swirls of red, you pulled back for clarification., "Wait!," Wanda's eyes closed, and her nose scrunched up adorably, the sounds of shuffling from behind her bedroom door leaving you rather intrigued, then those beautiful green eyes of hers opened up, swirls of red still ever present. Noticing your lust blown eyes staring at her she smiled shyly with tinted cheeks., "Go ahead."

Wanda watched your face with rapt attention as you slowly allowed the door to creak open. Soft music was lowly playing in the room, the lights were dim, rose petals in the shape of a heart covered the once messy bed, and there was a fondue station set up beside the bed. Wanda's hands slid from behind your neck to cup your cheeks when you started to tear up., "Don't get me wrong detka, I want you to have your way with me, but I also want to woo you.," You shook your head while lightly laughing., "Consider me woo'd then milaya devushka., Wanda beamed, pulling you in for a quick kiss as she lowered her feet back to the ground, pulling you over to her bed she sits you down.

It was all so absolutely heartwarming, the soft humming in correspondence with the music, hips delicately swaying as she worked to get the chocolate warmed up with her back to you; it did wonders in reaffirming her earlier words, she loved you, she wanted you, and boy did it make your once doomed butterflies swarm. However, you were beyond aroused, and if you're being honest, you were ready to fuck her senseless, all the wooing could come after.

Quietly you rose up from the bed, fingers tracing over the sensitive marks you'd just left behind as you began to move her hair from behind her neck until it was draped over her shoulders., "You're so sweet Wands..." you coo, placing a gentle kiss to the nape of her neck that spurs on an adorable, surprised giggle, "Really, this is all so beautiful.," one of your hands that had been resting on her hip slowly rises up as you praise the woman until your fingers hovering over the zipper of her dress., "But fuck Wands, I'd be a fool if I didn't tell you how much I want to take this little red dress right off of you, to be able to make love to you until the sun rises, to finally get a taste you, because Wands, I've been waiting so damn long for you to actually be mine."

Wanda's hands were holding so tightly to the metal tray as you whispered your desires into her ear, the skin of her knuckles turning white, and her thighs were positively dripping with her never ending arousal., "Take it off then...," You lightheartedly chuckle, "Your wish is my command krasivaya...," taking the zipper in between your fingers you playfully twist it around before slowly pulling it down along with the fabric clinging onto her shoulders.

Her entire body shivers as you leave a trail of soft kisses down the column of her spine as her back is slowly revealed to you, your hands settling on her hips for stability, and you take a moment to admire her physique from below. Taut shoulder blades telling you just how tense the witch is while she is forced to patiently await your next movements. Traveling back up you leave a more scattered pathway of kisses, her muscles tense under the light touch of your fingers that had followed the trail of your kisses until finally reaching the clasps of her bra.

Your lips were incredibly tender as they continuously pressed to her bare shoulder., "Tell me what is it that you want from me pretty girl?," Wanda's entire body was buzzing with need, and there you were taking your sweet time., "Please Y/N, can you just fuck me already? Take it all off, and have your fucking way with me damn it, I-I just, I need you so badly...," Her bra hit the floor only a few seconds later, your arm then snaked around her body, a soft hand wrapping around her neck from behind, "Oh no, because when you talk like that all it makes me think about is edging you for days.," her breath hitched and you could feel the way the muscles in her throat constricted under your hand when she so obviously gulped.

Everything about the moment had you feeling empowered, because here you stood, the chubby little ex spy with an affinity for hacking with your hand firmly wrapped around the most powerful witch in the world's neck. Having her vanity placed directly across from your standing forms was a bit too dangerous. There was this look in her glazed over eyes telling you she's completely at your mercy, and your heart was beating wildly out of your chest along with the mind coursing with sinful ideas.

Wanda’s eyebrows furrowed when you winked at her through the mirror, followed only by a gasp when you’d applied the perfect pressure to the sides of her neck, using your secure hold to spin her around, her knees nearly buckle at the dizzying move, and her strangled moans were subsequently swallowed by your pillow soft lips. The moment was exhilarating for the young witch, to hand over such control to you, it had the knot in her stomach tightening. Feeling as her life literally resided in your hands, her body slowly succumbing to the effects of your deprivations; her once strong pulse, the one that had been racing beneath your fingertips only a minute ago was now but a faint thump for you to vaguely feel.

The tears that had been pooling in the corner of her eyes were now steadily rolling down her cheeks as you continued to deliciously deprive her of oxygen, your lips still passionately moved against hers even when she couldn't keep up, and when you were sure she couldn't handle anymore you finally let up on your grip. Wanda then stole the air from your lungs, literally as she gasped against your parted lips, and then again once you saw the fruits of your labor; black mascara streaked over her deeply reddened cheeks, angry red lines covered the entirety of her neck, and her lips were nearly doubled in size.

She was a vision; a true fucking masterpiece.

To see her so physically wrecked after barely touching her had you desperate for more, so you slammed your lips to hers once more, hands gripping her by the hips and with brute force you were tossing her back onto the bed. She had landed perfectly in the center of the mattress, the force of your throw causing her to bounce, and the impact further knocked the wind from her aching lungs.

While she lied there, exposed chest heaving uncontrollably as she fought to breathe you took a moment to just admire the beauty who was officially yours now, the marks proving it, and your eyes unashamedly trailed freely over her every single curve until finally landing on her slick covered thighs, and ruined panties.

"Fuck honey, you weren't lying...," your hands slowly slid up her thighs, when her dazed eyes had finally locked on yours you winked at her, with a continued bout of eye contact, and a firm grip you ripped her lace panties to shreds. Wanda's eyes widened when she saw you toss the pieces of her favorite pair of underwear to the side, but the brute strength you displayed had her dripping onto the sheets., "Shit!"

Teasingly you took a finger and ran it through her folds, collecting her arousal, and ignoring her whines for more as you instead brought it up to your lips so you could finally get a taste., "Oh, you just gave a whole new meaning to being my sweet girl...," you groaned out as her taste coated your tongue, your need to tease having very well faded now as you looked into Wanda’s pleading eyes, and so you pulled her down the bed by her calves until they were dangling off the bed, dropping to your knees, and after a deep breath you dove right in.

Wanda was beyond relieved when your mouth had finally landed on her lower lips, her hips began to move in sync with you, your tongue now working wonders on her sensitive cunt. She whined however when you held her down by wrapping your arms around her soft thighs, but then she was screaming in pleasure when a finger was circling her entrance then before she could plead for more you plunged into her. Wanda’s mouth fell open at the odd stretch, and it dawned on her that your gold rings were still on, and the feel of the cold metal rubbing against her walls was fucking thrilling.

Her orgasm being near wasn’t hard to detect, the violently thrashing against your hold was the clearest sign, her babbling the next, and so you sucked her throbbing clit in between your lips, feeling how it pulsed erratically beneath the tip of your tongue as you swirled around it, that additional pressure mixed in with the curling of your fingers with every single thrust had her thrown over the edge of bliss, the pit in her abdomen having unraveled, your palm and fingers were absolutely drenched.

Once her cunt had released its iron grip on your fingers you eased yourself out of her, eyes zeroing in on the way she continued to clench around nothing, and you were in absolute awe. You stood up, looking down on the woman as you sucked your slick covered fingers into your mouth, Wanda’s legs rubbed together in need as you moaned around your fingers, her eyes consumed by lust fell to the bulge in your pants, but you were now focused elsewhere so she fell back against the mattress in a huff.

"Looks like the chocolate is done honey...," Wanda lifts her head up from to see you stood their topless, and the words you had said no longer even registered in her mind, the only thing she could even think of was having your strap buried deep inside of her while she played with your marvelous tits. Next thing she knew your pants were off, the sizable strap springing to life, and the witch was squirming around in obvious need, meanwhile you were dipping a finger into the melted chocolate.

"Mm," you moaned, then dipped a strawberry into the bowl, collecting a heaping dollop of chocolate, and Wanda was absolutely shocked, whimpering even as you had trailed the excess chocolate over her nipples, then her mouth opened when you laid the strawberry to her lip, moaning as the tart, and sweet refreshing treat lubricated her dry throat, then again as your mouth attached to hers for a brief taste of the fruit, she tried to chase your lips as you pulled away but you moved down. She watched on through hooded eyes as you sucked the skin of her breasts into your mouth, leaving love bites all over the unmarred skin before giving her exactly what she needs by taking her nipple into your mouth, swirling your tongue around to collect the chocolate before sucking harshly on the sensitive nub, and getting a bit more than you'd bargained for as her back arches off of the bed and more of her breast is pushed up and into your mouth. While showing her other nipple the same kind of attention you had began to line your strap up with her entrance, and just as you bit down on her nipple, pulling a dazed moan from her, you fully thrusted the strap into her.

Abused walls cling to the thick strap that’s stretching her out beyond anything she’d ever experienced before, her hands were holding onto your arms for what seemed to be dear life as you hovered over her, giving her all the necessary time needed to adjust to the sheer size, and placing an abundance of soft kisses to her face for comfort., “I’m ready detka…,” You lovingly smiled down at her, lips softly meeting hers as your hips began to pull out of her to then slam right back in, catching the pained groans until they’d faded into breathy moans, with a few new marks made to her skin, and a perfectly applied pressure to her clit she was already drenching your cock. You fucked her right through the pleasure, with one arm you scooped her up, lifting her entire body off the bed, and into a bruising kiss as you shifted to where you were lying flat on your back instead.

Wanda groaned as you had plopped down, causing the strap to hit her at a completely different angle, you chuckled as she fell into you., “No no dorogoy, you’re going to ride daddy’s cock now.,” Wanda’s eyes widened, then they darkened as your self proclaimed title resonated somewhere deep in her soul. With your help she was back upright, her hands happily took their place on your breasts, and she was bouncing atop of you with vigor.

As much as she wanted to fall apart again she was more interested in seeing you falling with her, so while bouncing without reprieve she closed her eyes, swirls of red flooded your vision, and within a seconds time you were a moaning mess beneath her. Everything she felt you did too, the massive stretch of her walls was mirrored in your own pussy, whenever the tip stroked over that special spot inside her you were also seeing stars, the both of you moaned in tandem as your orgasms built up., “Fuck, you look so fucking hot riding my cock detka.”You manage to pant, you thrusted up in time to meet her sloppy hips., “ ‘m close daddy…,” you hum., “Mm.. Me too baby… Cum with daddy.,” Wanda’s body shook wildly as her high coursed throughout her body, it was the hottest thing you’d ever fucking seen, her hands squeezed your breasts tightly as she continued to bounce and suddenly you were gasping for air, the pressure that had been steadily building up inside you finally snapped, your arousal now dripping down your backside and onto the bed sheets. Wanda then fell forward, lips moving against yours lazily, low moans were being transferred as you both worked to calm down, your hips continued to move involuntarily, and in one swift move you were going at it again.

Wanda had become your rag doll, any position you could roll her into she’d happily comply, your belly was currently flush against her ass, your strap buried deep inside her from behind, and the room reeked of sex as you worked the Sokovian into what would be her sixth orgasm. Wanda was absolutely spent, but her desire to be handled by you was outweighing her need to stop, as you brutally rutted into her you felt the hilt rubbing against your clit, your nipples brushing against her back with every thrust, and you were panting wildly against her as you were nearing a breaking point. Your hand found purchase on your lovers overworked bundle of nerves, “Come with daddy angel…,” both of you fell into your bliss at the same time, but for her it was edging more on the painful side of the pleasure.

Her body shook uncontrollably on the bed, and her short, pained gasps for air had you worried. Hyperventilating, that's what she was doing, so you immediately pulled out of her, ignoring the way she seemed displeased with your choices, and you lifted her from the bed, and cradled her close., "Dorogoy, shhh you're okay," you coo'd while her free flowing tears rolled down your skin, but your heart settled lightly when she pushed for you to lay down, and nuzzled her face into your breasts. You continued to soothe her, a soft hand scratching at her back., 'M okay...," she mumbled against your chest., you placed a few thankful kisses to her temple., "Did so good detka...," she quietly added as her breaths had slowly returned to a softer pattern, and all the festering guilt had faded when she placed a couple of soft kisses to your shoulder.

—

Wanda's fingers that were mindlessly swirling over the skin of your shoulder comes to a stop, a long, drawn out sigh leaves the woman and then in the blink of an eye she's hovering above you., "I was thinking, and since you got to have your fun I think it's only fair I get my own chance.." You snort., "Oh, was that not fun for you?," Wanda blushes, looking away from you and that smug, ridiculously attractive smirk., "Stooop...," her whines only makes you laugh., "I'm serious Y/N/N, let me have my way with you.," just as she finally has your attention a loud set of unrelenting knocks on her bedroom door has both of you beyond perplexed.

"WANDA MAXIMOFF! Unhand moya sestra at once!!! There's a list of available days for her cuddling, and today was my day!" Wanda falls against you in a fit of embarrassed giggles, and you stifle your laughter into her bare shoulder., "I can hear the giggling! This isn't funny! Give her up or so help me God I will—."

Both of your curious gazes fall onto the door at the sudden silence., "Natasha! Put me down!," Natasha grunts, you can hear the clear struggle before she's shouting through the shut door., "Sorry, I don't know who exactly let her out of the medbay, but I will fill in for Y/N tonight.," Yelena groans, "No, you have absolutely no snuggle potential! Y/N, please, save me!!!" Yelena's dramatic cries for help fall upon your unreceptive ears; Wanda's loud, unrestrained laughter ends up being all you hear, and you can't fight the need to laugh along with her. 

"What is this calendar, hm?," The underlying question isn't lost on you., "Just an organized system for my very popular cuddling services.," you offer up a vague answer, and she huffs., "Yeah? Whom exactly has booked a session?," In the most painfully slow way you fill her in., "Natasha..., Yelena... Tony...," you smirk., "Bucky's tried to book, but I always have a mission...," she rolls her eyes when you wink, and then you pause, enjoying the sight of her impatient glare, but also preparing yourself for her incoming reaction., "...Danvers has a booking for the end of the month..."

Wanda blinks a few times before chuckling., "Oh detka, that just won't do...," being smart you remain silent, staring up at her as she slowly lowers her body atop of yours, soft lips grazing over your cheek on their way to your ear., "I see the way Danvers looks at you Y/N, and there's no way in hell she or Barnes will ever have the luxury of cuddling up to you. Do I make myself clear?," your shaky breath and vigorous nod leaves her satisfied, "Good girl.," she faintly chuckles, her lips then briefly touch upon yours before moving on to explore.

Her lips were slow as they traveled down your body, her tongue graciously poking out to drag across the salty skin and enjoying how such simple touches could already have you so vocal. Hands gripped you tightly, your skin filling the gaps between her fingertips while she continued working you up until you were a squirming, panting mess, the same way she'd envisioned you to be in her mind countless times before. Painfully slow was the pace she settled on, her goal to cherish every last inch of you before giving in to the temptation to have you becoming a fucked out mess beneath her.

She smiled wildly when she settled between your legs, her cheek resting against your thigh, green eyes transfixed on the other while her finger mindlessly ran over the vast area of skin; a mind running wild with thoughts of how she'll have to dig her nails into your luscious thighs, forced into leaving behind deep crescent marks in an attempt to keep them spread open for her while she devours you because the pleasure will just be too much for you to bare, and in the end she imagines she will have to use her powers to hold you down.

She truly doesn't understand where her own patience is coming from, because once her eyes take in your slick covered core she has the urge to start now, to just forgo her other course of action, but she remains strong; leaning in she breathes your unique scent in, then she slips her tongue out, applying the slightest bit of pressure to your mound as her lips graze over, and a layer of your essence paints her lips., "Fucking hell detka, I can't believe you've left me deprived of such a sweet taste for so long..."

The pitiful whines leaving your lips as Wanda vacates the bed has her staring at you amused, with a awfully devious smirk to accompany. Your curious eyes follow her as she settles before her bedside drawers, hands discreetly sorting through the mystery contents for a bit. Wanda cheers when she finally finds what she's looking for, smirking over at you, your eyes fall to the red silk tie in her hands and then she's stalking back towards the bed with dark eyes., "Hands up moya lyubov', this is going to be a long night, the sun won't be up for hours...

——————————

10,678 Words

❤️ Kaitlyn 💋

#natasha romanoff #yelena belova #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff oneshot #wanda maximoff pov #wanda maximoff fic #wanda x y/n #wanda x you #wanda x reader #wanda x fem!reader #gxg #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff x plus size reader

[pink-november]

Slay the Princess Endings poorly summarized

warning big spoilers ahead

A New And Unending Dawn

you and the squad kill your gorgeous, divine, irreplaceable other half, the goddess of change and growth, containing death in her multitudes and everything that gives meaning to life and existence, in an attempt to birth a new reality where she doesn't exist any longer to prevent the heat death of the universe or something and definitely not because you got distracted of the philosophical debate you just had with her prior to going to her heart and especially not because you're a Narrator simp (Narrator route when????) or something, noooo sir. atleast you and the gang have each other, right? time heals all wounds after all, even one as irreversible as this.

Leave as Gods Ending

you awake as your greater self, cosmic wings spanning far and wide and shattering the construct you and her are trapped in. she tells you she loves you and though violence and conflict color your dance, you are now together for all eternity. a thousand sunsets and sunrises welcome you, worlds are born anew and worlds are torn asunder as you travel from reality to reality, universes blooming and dying, hand in many many many lovable hands, never to part as you continue the cycle that the Echo sought to tear apart due to His own hubris. you and her, forever.

Leave the Cabin Together

there is nothing but the two of you, once more at the beginning of everything, godhood a terrifying concept to grasp, everything that was once unknowable reduced to the shapes The Narrator gave and nurtured through the trials and pain and happiness you experienced throughout your journey. it is okay. she will be with you. uncertainty fills you both but your love triumphs still and you join hands once again, shadows of your former selves, lesser but enough, ready to face the future… together.

Loop Ending

you and the best boi ever (and other best boi if done right) take the pristine blade ready to confront the Princess once again but oh shit you don't wanna be alone again or become gods because the people outside the construct would just continue to suffer either way fucking hell who gave the birb of stasis and epitome of passiveness the capacity to make reality-altering choices and expect a good thing out of it??? gf seems to disagree with the sentiment (bless her kind and loving heart) and continues to accept everything about you and suggest another option: go back to the beginning, do everything all over again before you knew the truth, and trust that you might make the same choice once more if you find yourselves back here. seems reasonable. you confess to each other before the princess stabs you again and-

You're on a path in the woods-

Oblivion Ending

you deny and deny and deny and deny and deny, your rejection of your Other here hurts her more than any other routes you could have done. you starve your Other of her potential, shrinking yourself in the process of this endeavor. your Other is betrayed in such a way you cannot fathom yet and probably never will, do you even understand the magnitude of the pain you inflicted on her? can you even still? you are bliss. you are agony. there are no wrong decisions, only fresh perspectives. you are bliss. you are agony. you left her to wither. you are bliss. you are agony. hollowness fills the space that is once you, becomes you, and continues to be you. you are empty. you made the wrong choice. you are nothing. you are oblivion. you are together. you exist.

A New And Unending Dawn and Everything about this ending is fucking horrible it physically pains me inside to hear the littol guys be so angry and throwing curses at me. paranoid calling me torturer hurts my kokoro fuck fuck fuck nooooooo -100000/10 ending tbh you just killed your wonderful eldritch gf for this new reality and all your voices fucking hates you??? The Narrator isn't even here to tell you did a good job for doing what He wanted cuz you obliterated Him during your ascent to godhood *sighs* good fucking luck XP

#slay the princess #slay the princess spoilers #stp spoilers #i accidentally posted this one before i finished it so for anyone who saw the initial draft... oops #guess what my favorite ending is from this lmao

[reodashi]

BNHA Smells

M.list

...

Deku - Smells like Spreamint and Lime, it's not strong... But subtle freshness.

Bakugo - He's evil... Unintentionally. He Smells so good, like cinnomin rolls and cookies, but he hates when people get too close.

Todoroki - Subtle lavender from his clothes, and subtle vanilla from his shampoo.

Kirishima - Axe... I love him... But it's axe body spray 100%

Iida - Fresh books, pencils, and oddly cranberries... No one asks why though.

Denki - Probably the second best smelling guy in 1-A, Smells like pumpkin spice and Apple cider... He's aware of it too.

Sero - Very subtle Smells, not strong at all... But vague fresh bread scent.

Uraraka - You know she smells good, she smells like berries, frosting, and candy.

Asui - Grass... It's not bad though. She just smells like fresh cut grass.

Momo - Fancy ass perfume, costed her like 200 bucks just to smell vaguely like vanilla and cocoa powder.

Jiro - I mean this in the best possible way, but basement... Not grungy or gross, but just that nice rustic smell basements give.

Tokoyami - He got a candle named 'Death' which smells of blackberries and coconut. He's emo and berrylicious.

Shoji - Bamboo, Campfires, and Rain... All depending on the day.

Ojiro - Freshly vacuumed carpet, and if he's felling fancy he uses citrus body wash.

Hagakure - Fruity cereals, strawberry milk, and occasionally hazelnuts.

Aoyama - Everyone say it with me! 👏 Jasmine👏 Starbucks👏 and cake batter👏

Sato - Duh, flour, cake, fresh pastries, and Gingerbread.

Koda - This one is hard... He either smells like a summer garden or farm hay...

Mineta - B.O. which he says is his natural musk. And sometimes tries to hide it with axe.

Aizawa - Apple pie, fireplaces, and fresh blankets. He Smells cozy.

Allmight - He Smells like pubs... Even though he doesn't got there often... He also smells a bit like blood.

Endeavor - He Smells like charcoal, gasoline, and arrogance. He Smells like he tries to hard, which is ironic since he didn't even try hard to become #1 hero since it was just handed to him after Allmight. 👀 And never tried hard to be a good dad👀

Present Mic - He Smells like fresh technology, you know when you unbox a phone and it smells similar to a fresh phone... It's like that.

Miss Midnight - She smells like Jasmine, aphrodiacs, and rose petals... Very flirty scents.

Nezu - Hamster food and coffee... I said what needed to be said.

Eri - She smells like candy stores, carnival sweets, and fresh plushies.

Hawks - He's a mix... His breath is minty fresh, his hair smells like masculine cologne, but his clothes smell like leather even though they aren't made from leather.

Mirko - *the lingering affection from simps* Jk... Sort of. She smells like protein shakes, new shoes, and carrot cake.

Shinso - Tea, coffee, energy drinks... Anything he consumes that helps him stay awake really...

Shigiraki - I know he smells dusty, he smells like mothballs, alleyways, and Walmart 100%

Toga - She smells like blood, I mean it's inevitable due to her quirk. Other than blood, she smells like cheap makeup, like the really chemically smelling stuff.

Dabi - *Daddy issues and burnt* He smells like hot summer days, peanut butter, and bleach due to his hair dye.

Twice - Beer, cigetettes, fresh pavement, and depression.

Overhaul - He smells fine, he smells like chalk and tree bark... But his mask smells NASTY, the bitch never cleans it.

...

#bnha #bnha denki #bnha fluff #bnha headcanons #bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bnha smut #anime #anime and manga #bnha smau #bnha fic #bnha headcannons #bnha hcs #bnha hawks #bnha memes #my hero academia #mha

[curawrites]

Touya (Dabi) with an alt girlfriend

Touya (Dabi) x fem! Alt! Reader

Warnings: simping, swearing, slightly ooc characters, hickeys and marking, kissing, making out, Endeavor.

Note: haven’t been into Bnha since like 2020 so I ignore the manga. Kind of crappy but I love this 💚

Quirk: bat - reader has bat wings and ears can echo locate and uses the echolocation to stun enemies.

He met you in college, as you were both taking the same music class. You caught his eye as soon as he walked into the class, dressed in all black, fishnet, pierced ears and bopping your head to a song you were playing to loud from your headphones, a tune he recognized. He sat two seats from your left, hoping you’d notice him from the corner of your eye and talk to him.

It didn’t take long for you both to start bonding over your shared music taste. Friendship came quickly with the amount of time you spent together, listening to music or even making music in either of your rooms, you often went out shopping together, something Touya would have never thought he would enjoy.

It was easy for him to be around you, not needing to hide his interest or toning himself down like he did around his family. He found himself loving to be around you, it scared him at first, the butterflies in his stomach, the way he started to sweat when you sat close together, the way his heart beat quickened when your leg or arm brushed against his.

You eventually confessed to him one late night.

The chilly breeze made your wings shiver as you took another drag from you cigarette. The muffled sound of the song playing from inside your dorm made the whole moment surreal.

You glanced at Touya, who was standing to your right also smoking. You couldn’t help but take a moment to admire his features. His blue eyes deep like the ocean stared off into the night, the three piercings on his nose shone in the moonlight, his hair dyed black with white roots starting to show, you’d have to help him redye it soon. He was oh so pretty.

Sensing your staring Touya looked over at you, “Got something on your mind, doll?” He asked.

The pet name made you roll your eyes fondly, “Just thinkin’..” you trail off.

“About what?” He leaned in closer, curious now.

A shy smile graced your black lips, “About how much I like you.”

Touya rolled his eyes and scoffed playfully “I’d sure hope you’d like me, we are.. friends..”

“Touya.. I like you a lot. Like more.. Way more than friends.” You looked away, nervous about his response.

“Doll..” your ears twitched, “I like you a lot to..” he replied a bit awkwardly before stroking your cheek.

One thing for sure, he didn’t sleep on the matress you put on the floor for him that night and he never did again.

Touya absolutely loves being with you, kissing you eagerly before class, hands touching you all over and gripping your fishnet tights. He loves how you’d grab onto his chain in return.

He practically lives in your dorm, his clothes and things are everywhere.

He has purposefully cut holes in his shirts just so your wings can fit in them, every time you wear his shirts he goes feral.

He loves covering your neck and body in hickies, he’s very possessive over you. He loves when you mark him to, he doesn’t try very hard to hide them.

Please bite this man, he loves seeing your little fang marks all over his neck and chest.

You help him do his makeup in the morning, just smudging black eyeshadow on his eye lids and lower lash line.

As well you also help him retouch his hair when his roots start to come in. It became kind of an intimate thing to do, even if it’s such a simple activity.

When Touya formally introduced you to his family he couldn’t suppress his snicker when he saw his father’s eye twitch upon first seeing you.

You were dressed in all black, lots of chain jewelry, wearing his t shirt from the band his father detested the most, smiling oh so happily at his brooding father. Little fangs on display as your wings stretched a bit.

“It’s nice to finally meet you mister Todoroki!” You shook Endeavor’s unwilling hand.

“Nice to meet you to Y/N..” Enji responded back.

As you waited for Fuyumi to finish cooking dinner, Endeavor took it upon himself to ask you some questions.

“What’s your quirk?” Enji asked.

“Oh um! Well it’s bat! I have bat ears and wings, also fangs!” You laughed slightly, “I have the power of echolocation and can temporarily paralyze people if I’m not to careful with it. I dropped out of hero school before I could fully grasp it.” You grin.

At the mention of your dropping out of school, Endeavor’s expression quickly soured.

Touya chuckled and stroked your thigh under the table, a weird sense of pride over took him as you pissed off his dad.

Yeah, Touya loves your alt self a lot 💙(kinda got carried away lol)

#dabi x you #dabi headcanons #dabi x reader #dabi x y/n #touya x reader #touya headcanons #touya x y/n #fluff #alt aesthetic #bnha x reader

[greenhappyseed]

MHA Ch.381 leak reactions:

Rukasu’s summary says “The chapter begins with Camie confused by the fact that AFO has a face now.” That tracks. The real question is if she thinks he’s even a little bit hot.

Immobilize Himiko Toga = uh oh! She’s at her most dangerous when she’s feeling big emotions and/or trying to evade capture (her greatest fear is being caught).

“Stop AFO ASAP.” Tsukauchi’s not wrong, but he basically told Hawks to keep going for the head. Interesting that Shishikura makes a point of NOT giving in to the urge to kill AFO….

AFO goes Zeus mode with lightning attacks (he’s already got the toga, the cropped hair, the illegitimate children). Hawks realizes AFO is finally using some quirks, whereas before was he was “just” using the brute strength and wisdom of a 200-year-old, 7’4” floating demon lord.

Hawks goes back to being Endeavor’s hype man, saying Endeavor is bringing hope to him, Inasa, and the 1A kids. Inasa confirms he’s backing Shoto and Endeavor. Honestly I would love seeing Inasa with Shoto here, rather than whatever is going on with Hawks and Endeavor. I do not see what Endeavor is doing (yet) that is giving hope to the kids. They had to kick his ass to make him help them retrieve Izuku, and it’s not like he was really caring for Izuku before then. Maybe the “hope” derived from the fact he’s still standing? Idk, no matter what Hawks says, this just won’t land for me until I see what happens with Toya.

AFO simps for All Might and talks about how he was the only man to “match” AFO. Wow, that’s quite the compliment! AFO just didn’t know what he had until it was “gone,” huh? Then, it turns out All Might DID tell Hawks and Endeavor about how AFO’s quirk worked in terms of stealing — it needs a physical, corporeal touch. (God I wish we saw that actual conversation instead of hearing about it from Hawks. Like I want Endeavor’s face while All Might explains his brutal battle against AFO over their magic quirks.)

TOKOYAMI RISING!!! YEEAHHH! Go on, short king!! Unleash your darkness!! Hawks says he is grateful for his “dirty” wings if he was even able to help Tokoyami a little??? Sure, but Hawks had better not be taking credit for Tokoyami’s power or general awesomeness. The kid did that on his own, without the mentor that wasn’t into the next generation. [Edit: I see people saying AFO already stole Dark Shadow — that may be, but I typically work off of text spoilers. I try not to look at the leaked low res newspaper print panels bc I prefer seeing the hi res art in context with official translations first. Like if I’m gonna spend time studying panels, I want the pretty ones…]

#bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha 381 #mha 381 #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #all might #toshinori yagi #afo #all for one #hawks #keigo takami #tokoyami is 1a’s short king #tokoyami fumikage #dark shadow #gunga #inasa yoarashi #camie utsushimi #seiji shishikura #shiketsu #naomasa tsukauchi

[sinnamonpork]

au of a less traumatized todofam and their shameless favoritism when it comes to one another:

Shouto loves all his siblings, but Fuyumi would always have a special place in his soba obsessed heart. That's his sister that took care of him, attended his school meetings, and generally became the one person he knows will be there when the house would be empty of any soul. She's the one he'll run to when his brothers would be bullying him, knowing full well she'd side with him always. Class 1-A sees their resident ice prince goes full baby mode when his sister comes to visit. "Nee-san, nee-san, did you miss me? I really missed you, nee-san."

Natsuo having Touya as his favorite sibling isn't really a surprise, especially when the two slept in the same room. Touya was the first one who he told of his dreams of being a doctor, becoming a hero in the way he wants to. Touya only grinned at him and said he's sure he can do anything he wants to, because he's his baby brother. His big brother who he hid behind when the house got too loud, too destructive for such a quiet child that Natsuo was. He saw the lean, fragile back of his brother standing tall against Endeavor and not flinching for even a bit and was inspired to be like him, that when he grows up, he'll be the one protecting other people too. Basically, Natsuo's hero worship for the only person in their family who wants nothing to do with heroes lol.

Meanwhile, we got Fuyumi who we all know would be a complete daddy's girl. Because while their family became a tad shaky in the years of Natsuo and Shouto's childhood, she still remembers calling the no. 2 hero her Papa and being carried on his broad shoulders. She remembers those rough fingers brushing through her hair as she fell asleep to his singing voice, a little rough around the edges, but it's her Papa's. She remembers inexperienced hands fumbling to tie her hair yet still calling her the most prettiest princess even with uneven pigtails. It might be tainted by the years to come, but it's those memories that pushes her to keep their family together.

Touya, pierced and edgelord Touya, is a complete mama's boy. When he was young, still not knowing how to control his emotions that are always too much, he'd know that his mother's quiet and comforting demeanor would be the break he needs from the world. She would quiet the buzzing in his ears, playing with his hair as she hums a quiet tune, grounding him to reality when he's close to lashing out at anyone near. During his highschool days, the whole LoV(League of Vtubers) would get a front row seat to their resident deliquent being an obedient puppy and being nothing but a complete gentleman to his visiting mother. "Mom, you can have Shiggy's seat, I'm sure he'll be happy sitting on the floor if it's for you." Tomura just grumbles through it all.

Extra:

Future son-in-law and Honorary Todoroki Keigo's favorite person would obviously be Endeavor, to the horror of his boyfriend. Touya didn't think anything would be worse than the time he had to babysit a Shouto who puked in the middle of the supermarket but there it was. It takes the form of his boyfriend being an absolute simp for Enji and the hero just confused why this smol child is being so chatty. "Endeavor-san, what do you think about going with me and Touya to our trip to the Bahamas? Of course Touya said yes, why would you even think otherwise?" Keigo slept on the couch for two weeks after the incident, Touya making him remember who his attention should be on with his very talented tongue and hands. (and the piercings- oh god the piercings. keigo can die a happy man)

#this was supposed to be only todofam #but i cant help myself with adding in kei #hehe finally doing a fluff piece after my last angst works #dabihawks #dabi x hawks #touya x keigo #todoroki enji #endeavor #todoroki rei #todoroki touya #dabi #todoroki fuyumi #todoroki natsuo #todoroki shouto #todoroki siblings #todofam #pro hero hawks #takami keigo #bnha #mha #imagines

[doodlegirl1998]

I think I finally realize why the writing in BNKA always puts me off in some way, something I've been saying for a while but never got a chance to go into detail.

The writing in BNKA feels like narrative manipulation.

I've come to this conclusion after seeing how the fandom reacts to certain moments and compare them to earlier scenes. And that was when it all clicked for me to come up with this word.

With how the unholy three started out (Bakugou, Aizawa, and Endeavor) then seeing their personalities and how others view them take a complete 180 to view them in a better light, that's what I'm referring to as narrative manpulation.

With Bakugou starting out as a bully and supposedly "changing" so others can say "Wow what a great guy he is!" And praise him to the moon and back... it's literally middle school all over again for him.

With Aizawa coming across as unfair and uncaring only for the narrative to prove he's right every time and have others treat him like he's japanese Einstein.

And with Endeavor starting off as a horrible person and the main conflict for Shoto to overcome... only for his family to welcome him back with open arms and say "We're all to blame for what happened!" just to lift some of it off of him and make him seem like he meant well.

The one common thing about these three is Hori having them express negative emotions and crying and the fandom eats it all up. Claiming that they've gone through development and that they really do care and are more than what we were led to believe. And then have them act the exact same way like nothing happened.

And that my friend... is narrative manipulation.

Hi @theloganator101 👋,

100%.

All of the writing in MHA is narrative manipulation but especially with those three.

Bakugou, Aizawa and Endeavour have narrative manipulation, their own in-universe simps, characters not reacting to them as they should and retcons to soften them and make them more palatable to the audience.

Bakugou and Endeavour are easy and extreme examples so I'll begin with Aizawa first.

With Aizawa, this has worked so well that you rarely see people critical of him and only those who have fully and critically looked at him in canon without #Dadzawa colouring their perception.

His students should dislike / hate or at the very least be wary of him. A teacher who sleeps all the time, pulls "logical ruses" lies and expels on a whim would realistically cause the mental health of his students to plummet. Yet all of 1A (including Izu who he seems to very much dislike) love him for some reason...

He's praised as logical, "harsh but effective" yet his fellow teachers should HATE him. Through the amount of students he's expelled I've heard some people theorising that he has expelled OTHER teachers students. Imagine how angry you would be as a teacher to find one of your students careers destroyed because a fellow teacher expelled them for a bullshit reason. Not only that but logically Aizawa's expulsions would have destroyed lives, destroyed careers before they fully lifted off the ground even made villians.

*There's also the fact that he's not shown to be a great friend in canon either, yet Aizawa is surrounded by Shirakumo, Yamada or Kayama who aren't offput from his behaviour. And even has a respect from All Might (despite the fact that Aizawa has been shown to dislike him.)

* - I'm not blaming Aizawa for being depressed or low key here. That's understandable. However friendship is about give and take. We don't see Aizawa being supportive back to his friends, we see them support him only. And when there's an opportunity to show Aizawa being supportive like to Mic after Midnight's death, Hori doesn't take it. Hori instead makes Aizawa shut Mic up. Additionally, when you like someone and are friends with them - you make the effort to show you like their company, you like being around them, you engage with them. Aizawa acts annoyed by his friends most of the time he's with them on screen, like he's grudgingly tolerating them at best.

Then there's Bakugou who is praised as the second coming of Christ, who lost nothing for suicide baiting a quirkless kid (our MC) and abusing him for ten years! Instead Izuku still calls him "Kacchan" 🤮, Bkg has made friends who are staunchly "anti bully" in Mina and Kirishima (who look stupid or hypocrites for being friends with this POS), Aizawa even praises and favours him for some reason despite Bkg's power being astonishingly one note and Bkg having so much of an awful attitude for heroics the villians thought he was a good recruit. 😬 Bakugou is the worst written character I have seen in a long time - a true Gary Stu.

And finally we have Endeavour, the child abusing POS himself who gets a tragic backstory that none of us wanted to see (his father dying as a kid), we have blame shifting on to Rei and Touya with their respective insanity (also now blame shifted on to Rei's incestous fam by some fans) and some even saying "Endeav had Touya's best interests at heart all along" which truly makes me scoff. If Endeav had Touya's best interests he would have taught Touya to cool himself off, he would have found another interest for them to bond over and sent him to therapy. Not ignoring his spiralling son until he died then got saved by All For One.

In addition, Rei's entire character being used as an "Endeav is not that bad" mouth piece makes me sick, Endeavour broke this woman, physically, emotionally and sexually (depending on your reading but she didn't look consenting to Natsuo and Shoto's births) abused her. So this choice with her character doesn't even make sense, she couldn't even see Shoto, she burnt her child because he looked like Endeav! Why doesn't she loathe this man like she should?! It is sick. It's even sicker of Hori to make her say "We are all responsible for what happened." Like that isn't the most delusional and victim blaming shit to say to your children who couldn't have done squat against their hero father.

Then there's Shoto and his story being overshadowed again by his abusive father, his friendship with Izuku being made about forgiving said abusive father. Shoto deserved so much better than this.

TLDR - the victims of the story should have been allowed to show the impact of their abuse / teaching malpractice that they have dealt with.

Aizawa should have resigned his teaching job (that he didn't even want in the first place) and got therapy as well trying his best to make it up to all those whose lives he ruined.

Bakugou should have been expelled for being an abusive asshole and being too dumb to hide it.

Endeavour should have had the Todofam HATE his guts and no one in his corner coddling him when he cries about Dabi then later Dabi should have finished him off instead of sprouting ice randomly.

#mha critical #bnha critical #Aizawa critical #Anti Aizawa Shota #Anti Bakugou #Anti Bakugou Katsuki #Anti Endeavour

[the-conversation-pod]

Tens and Chops, Vol. 1 (A Grab Bag Episode)

We gotta clear the decks ahead of the VIIB Awards, so it’s a grab bag episode! Ben, NiNi, and Shan talk a bunch of shows that we couldn’t NOT talk about, and award the fall’s Girl You Tried.

Grab a drink and a snack and join us for one of the most varied episodes we've had on the show.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Introduction 00:01:15 - Kiseki: Dear To Me 00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance 00:26:05 - Love In Translation 00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You 00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman 01:07:01 - If It's With You 01:15:38 - Absolute Zero 01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa 01:33:32 - Middleman's Love 01:49:07 - Final Thoughts, and Girl, You Tried

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Tens and Chops

Ben

And we're back! We've made it to the Grab Bag for this season of The Conversation. We've named this one “Tens and Chops: Volume 1.” I really hope we have a collection of these to do a smash cut off in the future.

NiNi

So looking forward to it. Definitely looking forward to it. Absolutely looking forward to it. I named it Volume 1 for a reason.

Ben

We have nine shows to talk about plus a bonus segment. Because there are nine shows to talk about, we have brought in help for this one. We have brought in our drama expert, Shan, who is with us again.

Shan

Hello people.

NiNi

Ah, that sweet, sweet smell of a great guest. I love it. Okay, all right, let's dive in, people.

Ben

All right. So, Shan, we're finally into the winter. Let's discuss the fall shows as an experience. As you know, I was grumpy as hell coming out of the summer through the fall with the state of BL. 

How are you feeling about all these various shows?

Shan

Your grumpiness was not unfounded. I don't think the fall season was particularly strong. We hit a slump. A lot of shows just flopped right at the end after strong starts, a lot of shows just didn't take off. There were some things that we were really excited about and then when we actually got to them it was…just so fucking disappointing. [laughs]

I think the strong start to the year and some of our expectations for these shows maybe set us up to be a little extra disappointed in how the season went.

Ben

Before we get into all of the shows individually, NiNi, for the sake of our audience, who may want to skip around this episode, please read the list of shows we're about to discuss.

NiNi

[clears throat] Don't mind if I do! So, in this episode we shall be discussing Kiseki: Dear To Me from Taiwan, Dangerous Romance from Thailand, Love In Translation also from Thailand, I Cannot Reach You from Japan, My Personal Weatherman also from Japan, If It's With You also from, you guessed it, Japan, Absolute Zero from Thailand, My Dear Gangsta Oppa from Thailand-ish, and Middleman's Love the most Thai thing I have seen. [laughs]

Ben

All right. So we're going to be here for a while. I hope you grabbed your drinks and a snack.

NiNi

Put us on pause. Go pee, come back. Or you could just take your phone to the bathroom. Whatever you're doing, I'm not judging you.

Ben

I am, don't worry.

[NiNi laughs]

00:04:20 - Kiseki: Dear To Me

NiNi

Alright, let's start with Kiseki. Ben, what is Kiseki about?

Ben

It's about how nothing was learned from HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and that once again I have been made to suffer for things I did not do. 

Kiseki: Dear to Me is a Taiwanese BL about a well-performing high school student late in his studies who gets wrapped up in the gang politics of his local area, falls in love with a gangster, and complications ensue? There's a side couple that's also a bunch of gangsters who end up stealing the show.

Shan

[laughs] I was going to say, I'm pretty sure this show is actually about Ai Di, but okay.

Ben

It is a Lin Pei Yu joint, and we were expecting so much more from her, and yet here we are talking about it in the Grab Bag.

NiNi

Mm-mm-mm. So, Shan, come on in here. Give me, like, a word or a short phrase—something pithy—for the audience.

Shan

Hmm… The pithy description of this show? “Chaotic, but in an awesome way.”

NiNi

Interesting…

Ben

I will agree with that. This show was fun as hell to watch when it wasn't enraging for me.

NiNi

[laughs] I don't know. I was watching it and literally losing the thread while I was watching it.

Shan

Your mistake was ever trying to grasp the thread in the first place.

NiNi

You right, you're right. I made a mistake. My bad. I shouldn't have tried. But—[laughs]—the show was clearly trying, so I thought I had to try, too. 

Listen, I often find Taiwanese shows hard to follow, personally, and I know that's a me thing. But it's something about where they choose to start and end their episodes, I think. I lose the thread.

Ben

I do agree with that. I don't think that, at least the BL tradition we've been exposed to, values episodic structure in a way that is recognizable to those of us who are probably grounded in the American sitcom tradition. A lot of their shows, we tend to remember as a whole, not as individual parts, and that did not work very well here. 

You were not the only person struggling from episode to episode remembering what the fuck was going on. I struggled as well. It was difficult watching this show because I didn't really know thematically what the show wanted to be about. While I really liked the work everyone did—I think all of the actors at every level were really dialed in and it was fun for some of the cameos. I will never return to this particular show because this show involves Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih as gangsters who are rivals with the leads we care about. 

They have Wayne playing this super-violent, kind of out-of-control gang leader who has to die, and he does, and this is a bad choice because it's not like the rest of us fucking forgot about HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and then they released a special episode that is just, “By the way, Chun Chih's character was mooning after him the whole time and now he's sad.” Why? Why was this the choice? Have you not learned that we don't want you to kill these guys? Shit!

NiNi

I think definitely the cameos across the board lost me—A, because I don't watch that much Taiwanese BL, so a lot of it was like, “Wait, who's this guy? Who's this guy? Who's this guy? Why are they here? What are they doing?” I recognize a couple of faces from a couple of things, but mostly I was just confused.

Shan

This show was like 50% powered by cameos. That is what kept people excited week over week and talking about the show. Spotting the faces was really fun. 

So, NiNi, as the resident Taiwanese BL apologist around here, you are absolutely correct that it is often hard to follow the story. The writing is always the weakest point. What has always been my favorite thing about the shows we get from Taiwan is that there is a real connection, I think, between the physical stuff, the intimacy work, and the emotions of the characters, and they kind of really nail those relationship dynamics and that kind of character work. 

But the stories—the plots—have always been kind of a mess, even in my favorite Taiwanese BLs? And this one really took the cake. It was all over the place. I could not at any point in this show, find my footing in the plot, or what was supposed to be happening, or why I was supposed to care. 

That didn't really bother me because this is definitely a show that encourages you to just be along for the ride, and kind of react to scenes, and not worry too much about the overarching story. And that worked for me in this show enough that I had a good time. Would I say that it's good or well written? Absolutely not. [laughs] 

And Ben's complaints about the way that they used those actors from Make Our Days Count are absolutely valid. I kind of couldn't believe the audacity, putting Wayne Song in the show just to kill him off.

Ben

Audacity is the right call, bestie. Thank you very much.

Shan

Right, the audacity! Like, it was not a cool thing to do, and they shouldn’t have done it. So those criticisms are completely fair about this show.

NiNi

There are things about this that I absolutely liked. I did enjoy the couples. I enjoyed the unhinged-ness of them, but I couldn't follow their story, so I was just kind of vibing—which, totally my style. And when I was just vibing I was havin’ a good time. 

If I had to score Kiseki: Dear to Me. The couples are great, the story’s a mess. I'd give it a 6 ½.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5, which was probably generous because I just had so much fun watching it, but I can't claim that it is structurally sound.

Ben

Shan, like the rest of MDL, rated this show with her coochie.

NiNi

That is staying in.

[all laugh]

Shan

What did you score it, Ben?

Ben

What do you think I scored it, bestie? 

Shan

I feel like you scored it real low, because you were pissed about Wayne Song. [laughs]

Ben

I was pissed.

NiNi

Ben was definitely offended, so it got a 5 or less.

Shan

Oh yeah, for sure.

Ben

What do you think I gave it?

Shan

3.

Ben

NiNi

5.

Ben

I gave it a 5. We're laughing a little bit, but legitimately that was so upsetting. And your show was stupid! There wasn't even a point to it. It was just shock, and it felt mean, like you're still salty with us about the HIStory franchise. You are not getting above a 5 from me, despite the fact that Louis Chang and Nat Chen were so much fun to watch, and how much I enjoyed the work between Taro Lin and Hsu Kai. I had a great time watching all four of these men and all the people who cameoed in this.

NiNi

Why do you think there was no Tang Yi and Shao Fei?

Ben

Because there's a cash grab for doing HIStory 6: Freed.

Shan

I want HIStory 6: Freed, and I want it fucking yesterday. Where is our show? [Ben laughs]

NiNi

Alright, so Ben gave it a 5. I gave it a 6.5. Shan gave it a very generous 7.5. Somebody do math.

Ben

That's a 6. 

Shan

You can call it a 6.

NiNi

It's a 6 for Kiseki: Dear to Me. Shoving it off, let's move on to the next one, which we are about to trash.

00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance

NiNi

Ben, tell the world about Dangerous Romance.

Shan

Oh, ho ho ho! Here we go!

Ben

Dangerous Romance—[sighs]—is about how a windmill… cannot be powered…without the wind.

[all break down for prolonged laughing fit]

NiNi

Please! I can’t stand your ass! 

Shan

Had to be done.

NiNi

Okay, bring it back, guys. Bring it back.

Ben

Dangerous Romance purports to be an inter class romance set in a high school between a very smart scholarship student who's super poor, because his parents are dead and it’s just him and his older brother, who's kind of irresponsible with money; and a rich kid who's kind of a pompous bully in school—has no valuable skills of any sort to bring to the table. The two of them crossed paths and are drawn to each other. There are things that happen in the show, I guess. Soccer is a big deal, at some point in this. There's very much a repeated High School Musical TROYYY bit that happens multiple times over three episodes.

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

NiNi

Oh, God, you shady bitch. Carry on.

Ben

It's trash. This show was fucking horrible. This show started out being so fucking interesting. There was the whole notion about Kanghan being just a stupid as hell bully, who only had money on his side, who was getting wrecked constantly by Sailom, this very smart, poor kid. 

And then after episode 2, it all went away, and it was about how Kanghan is a sad rich boy whose mom is dead. And so because his mom is dead, his dad just spoils him rotten, and he just wants his dad to treat him like a real boy, or whatever. I don't give a fuck. This show was so fucking trash. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan, you're a fan of Shameless. Please explain to the people why this show was so offensive to you.

Shan

For the record, I think I dropped this show Week 4, because I was just so fucking pissed [laughs] about what they were doing with Sailom. 

A little background here: I grew up as a poor person—lived in poverty for like the first 20 years of my life. And I have always had a big interest in stories about class disparity, stories about surviving poverty, stories about families that get through those kinds of challenges because I lived it. And so I'm always very interested to see how it's depicted in fiction. So when the show started, I was so thrilled to finally see a Thai BL that seemed to be taking class disparity seriously? That seemed to want to explore what it actually means when a wealthy person and a poor person are kind of thrown together and have to figure out how to get on the same page across their differences. 

Sailom had some really serious shit set up for him. Him and his brother are in really hard times. They're in deep, deep debt. He's working multiple jobs to try to pay off this debt that they've inherited, and he has this fucking rich bitch bully on his ass, causing him problems, fucking with his jobs, fucking with his money, spreading rumors about him, costing him work! 

I think a lot of people who fell for this show maybe forgot—but I sure fucking didn't—that Kang spread rumors that Sailom was a fucking pedophile, and cost him all of his tutoring students. This is not minor shit that they set up at the beginning of this show to explain the adversarial relationship between these two characters. So I expected them to take it seriously. I expected this to be a serious narrative about how those two could get past those conflicts and come together in a romance—which obviously they were going to. But, that's not what we got at all. 

We didn't get a realistic look at what it means to be poor and to be living with a crushing debt that weighs you down every single day. We didn't get a realistic look at the dynamics between somebody who's grown up like Sailom with the experiences that he's had and the issues that he has to carry every single day, and how he might think about someone like Kang and how he might view him with disdain, and with resentment. We didn't get any of that. We didn't get a realistic look at how these two could come past the initial bullying and the initial things that Kang did to fuck with his life and his money. 

This is life-or-death stakes. They showed us that. Him and his brother are actually getting beat because of this debt on a regular basis. This is not a light issue. And so to set up all of that in the first two episodes, and then immediately pivot, by the third episode, to a bog-standard BL with these two just kind of flirtin’ with each other, and doing all the classic tropes, and Sailom apparently just fucking forgetting all the things that Kang did to him because of one isolated moment? 

None of it made any sense to me. I felt like they flipped a switch and changed Sailom's character from episode 2 to 3, and he never came back. I stopped watching the show in episode 4, but I continued to follow the discourse, so I know that the real Sailom never came back. 

I just don't understand what happened with this show. I don't understand how the same writers could have written those initial episodes and that set up and then carried out the show in the way that they did. I actually found it offensive. I am still pissed off about it! You can hear it in my voice, I'm sure! This was not a joke to me. I was very upset with what this show did. It's inexcusable.

Ben

Kill ‘em, bestie. [laughs]

NiNi

Murder them.

For me, the problem—the main problem with the show—was that the show was about Kanghan and it should have been about Sailom. That's really it in a nutshell. If the show was about Sailom, if it was about Sailom being the main character and you getting into Sailom’s head, and seeing Sailom’s life through Sailom’s eyes, and seeing how Sailom deals with his life, then that's the show that I wanted to see. 

You're talking about the serious shit that's going down. Kang literally shows up at Sailom’s house with a gun! Have we forgotten about this?

Ben

After his friend said, “Bruh, I think the whole gun thing is maybe going too far.”

NiNi

None of these characters are consistent. The characters that are set up in the beginning, the ones that you are interested in, the stories that you think, “Okay, this is what they're setting up.” None of that happens. Those characters vanish basically overnight. 

Saifah was set up to be this kind of charming, feckless older brother who can't be relied upon, but Sailom really loves him. He works with old people, and he kind of steals from them, and scams them a little bit. That's an interesting character. And then one day his debt collector sends a new guy, and the new guy is somebody he went to high school with. And I was like, “Well, this is about to be interesting!” [buzzer sound], I was wrong. No, it was not interesting.

Ben

It's really frustrating, because there's actually a fairly decent small plot in the middle of the show where Saifah has schemed his way into working for the same family. He's been dealing with a work related injury, and the grandma pays for some expensive European medicine for him. He doesn't realize this is for him, and he thinks about stealing it and replacing it with a generic. There’s a really interesting moment where he chooses not to steal from them and then learns that it was a gift intended for him, that is this really decent moment in the show which only further pisses me off. 

Every now and then, this show seemed to understand some of the complex dynamics it was about, and then went right back to fuckin’ it up for no reason.

Shan

I think NiNi is right that the main problem was that the show should have been Sailom’s show and instead they made it about Kanghan, and I don't know why they did that. The first two episodes were clearly rooted in Sailom’s story, and that's what really, I think, threw me.

Ben

Chimon is also the older, veteran actor. Why didn't they believe in him? Like, he could have carried this show. I do not know why they decided to lean on Perth. This is the second time this year they have tried to lean on Perth and it has not been a good choice.

NiNi

I think that Perth is a good actor but he needs a strong lead. He's a follow, but he's a good follow if he has a strong lead. Trying to put him in the lead position? He works best when he's pulling off of somebody.

Shan

Mhmm. If they had let Chimon anchor this, and him follow, I agree with you, NiNi.

NiNi

And then why did they even bother View and June? Why did they make them get out of bed?

Ben

Ohh, are we talking about the teacher-student line between View and June? I'm not.

Shan

I'm so glad I was already gone for that! Whew! I don't even want to know.

NiNi

It wasn't even a thing, though!

Ben

I'm not discussing it, I will not.

NiNi

Listen, honestly, the best parts of the show were, A, the first two episodes, B, everything that Euro did? Euro was great. I loved Euro.

Ben

Okay. I will say that. Let us not walk away from this without shouting out Euro. They do not give big boys a lot of love and respect in this field and, Euro. You did good work, sir. You should have been allowed to kiss—which of the twins was in this?

NiNi

I think it was JJ.

Ben

JJ! You should have been allowed to kiss JJ in this show!

NiNi

I also did not hate Marc and Pawin in this. They were not bad.

Ben

They were not good. [laughs]

NiNi

I didn't say they—I said I didn't hate them, and they were not bad.

Shan

Damning with faint praise indeed.

NiNi

And you know how I feel about Pawin!

Ben

The problem with this is, again, like the pieces were there. But, did you know that a windmill—[all laugh]—cannot function without the wind? If you're tired of this bit in the podcast, watch the show!

Shan

You can only imagine the horrors awaiting you.

Ben

There's a class difference between Kanghan—did you know his name means ‘windmill’?—anyway. 

And so there's a class difference between the two of them. And there's a class difference between Nawa, Pawin's character who's rich, and Guy, Marc's character who was poor. They're friends with the other leads. There was a real opportunity to tell a story about, how do these dynamics play out where people mix? There's an egalitarian aspect to all going to the same schooling system together, even if some of you are there by scholarship, or because your mom works for the place in the case of Euro's character Auto. Marc's character Guy, he's probably there on a football related scholarship because he's an athlete. 

Like there's an interesting thing to say here, but they did nothing with it. It is such a waste of all the goddamn talent on this show, and it was a waste of 12 weeks of my life. This show was bad. This show was offensive. And this show was stupid.

All right, ratings.

NiNi

I gave it a…5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

Well, since I didn't actually finish the show, I didn't give it a formal rating, but y'all should know that it's, like, a 2 in my heart.

Ben

It is a 3 formally from me. I watched the whole fucking thing. It was shit and offensive. You get a 3 for that.

NiNi

So with 2, a 3, and a 5, I think that pulls you down towards the end of 3.5. 

Ben

Oh yeah, it's bad. 

NiNi

It's not good.

Ben

It's a 3. 

Shan

Do not watch it.

Ben

Unless you need to understand that windmills require the wind to function.

NiNi

[Laughs] Oh, no.

Ben

And let's talk about the fucking ending of this trash piece of shit. The tag of this show is these two characters engaged in sex work play where the poor kid is playing an escort who has to take care of his rich client. 

What the absolute fuck was this?

NiNi

I wanted to vomit.

Shan

I actually can't believe that happened. I saw it. I saw the GIFs on Tumblr, and I thought I was having a fucking hallucination or something.

NiNi

Sex work role play…Okay, anyway. So, on that note—

Ben

It's a chop!

Shan

Well that was a definite chop.

NiNi

Chop.

Ben

Three chops. [slams desk] It's over.

[NiNi laughs]

00:26:05 - Love In Translation

Ben 

On to the next show—oh, good, it finally gets better. [laughs]

Shan

This is a good one!

Ben

All right, great. 

NiNi 

The next show on the list, now that we've gotten that out of the way, is Love in Translation. Ben, what is Love in Translation about? 

Ben 

Love in Translation is a workplace BL in which two characters from different backgrounds come together to run a convenience store in Bangkok. One of them's name is Phumjai. He is a Thai national who comes from a seemingly well off family, who is obsessed with an idol named Tammy. He learns that Tammy is interested in picking up a potential partner in Thailand, but she wants that partner to be able to speak Mandarin and she would like for that character to also be an entrepreneur. Seeing that there's a chance here with Tammy, he decides he wants to formally learn Chinese and goes to a, like, small business association meeting or whatever, to see about starting something up. 

Meanwhile, we have Yang Yan Feng, who is a Chinese national who is here to open up a shop in a very specific point because of backstory reasons involving his dad, I guess. The two of these characters cross paths and don't end up liking each other at first, but circumstances come together, and the only Black character in Thai BL this year ends up connecting the two of them and they form a little shop together. Yang agrees to also teach Phumjai Mandarin and flirt with Tammy on his behalf. Very many hijinks ensue, but this show ended up being one of my favorites of the year. 

Shan, you ended up really enjoying this show. Tell us the things you liked about the show in the early weeks when we were deciding whether or not we needed to give ourselves La Pluie-level brainrot over it to convince people to watch it. 

Shan 

It ended up being really enjoyable. I was a little bit more skeptical going in than Ben. I'm not as inclined to sitcom style in BL as Ben is. Like, I think you kind of find it very comforting and familiar, whereas I kind of feel it's sometimes an awkward match of styles, and so I wasn't quite as convinced going in that I was gonna love it. But I enjoyed it a lot, and I think what I liked so much about this show is that, at its core, it's really just about kind people who are mostly just doing their best to be decent to each other and do right by each other. And they have misunderstandings. And there's a lot of comedy in those misunderstandings. There's silly stuff. There's fights, including physical fights that get pretty outrageous. There's characters making mistakes, but it feels like everybody's really well-intentioned and really earnestly trying their best. And I just think it's kind of impossible not to like a show like that. 

I also just really appreciated that this show—it had a good cast of characters. There was a lot of quirky folks. When I was watching it, I was reminded of shows like Superstore, where it's a little bit sitcom-y, you're in a store, you've got this big cast of personalities that you can kind of call on for comedy bits, as needed. And I thought it worked really, really well. 

And the romance between Phumjai and Yang, it was really nice. They just kinda liked each other once they got past their initial misunderstandings, and they got more comfortable with each other over time as they worked together on this project—on this store. They really got to know each other. 

Phumjai was fixated with this influencer Tammy originally, and he had a really natural progression away from that crush and toward developing feelings for Yang because of the authentic time that they were spending together and the real bond that they were building. And I always just find those kinds of romances really compelling. They're making something together, and that makes them want to be good to each other, and it makes them see the best in each other, and then become interested in each other. And I just think we don't get enough naturally building romances like that in the genre. 

Ben 

NiNi, since we successfully bullied you into watching this show, what did you think of it? 

[NiNi laughs]

NiNi 

It was deathly cute. I enjoyed every single minute of the show. I liked the internationalist perspective of it because you've got Odo and then one of the workers in the store, I think, is part Thai? And then Yang is Chinese, so there's some fun internationalist stuff happening in the show that you don't always see coming out of Thailand. Ngern was there. 

Ben 

Oh, are we talking about that now? For those of you who give a shit, who have been in the genre before 2gether the series, who were there before even SOTUS, Ngern Anupart, who played Earn in Love Sick the series, and also played the lead role in Waterboyy the movie, and was in a terrible Thai drama called Part Time this series, which we all attempted just for him. 

Shan 

Did you memorize that man's resume? 

Ben 

Of course.

NiNi 

He did. 

Ben

Ngern Anupart is back with us in BL, and he's swole now, girls. You should watch. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

I will say, I'm a Love Sick girlie. I did love Earn, the character in that. I love Ngern, the actor. I was very happy to see him in this. His character was perhaps the most annoying in this show. [laughs] 

NiNi 

I loved it! 

Ben 

It was so funny that he was so annoying! I loved him in this! 

Shan 

He played Phumjai’s brother, Phojai, who was a classic overbearing older sibling who just could not let Phumjai have any space to live and learn and make mistakes. He just was so on top of him all the time and making him lose confidence in a way that I think was well-intentioned, but just extremely wrong-headed. Just getting in the way of his brother's success as he was constantly professing his intention to do the opposite. It was a really good storyline, to be clear, like it was really well done. 

NiNi 

It was really great and the other great part is that the whole time he's dating Phumjai’s good friend who also works at the store, and they're kinda working together to make the store a success in the background but they're doing it all wrong. Phojai and Tag are adorable together, but Phojai’s a little closeted. So it gets a little complicated. But overall, it ended up being real cute. There is a fantastic gag with some disguises that I swear to God was so hilarious. 

Ben 

Highlight of the year for me. [laughs]

NiNi 

This show was funny. It was sweet. It was… pretty hot, actually. 

Shan

Right! High heat.

Ben 

This show does comedy really well. The comedic timing of this show is so intentional. It was intentional when they were filming it, and it was intentional when they were editing it. It isn't perfect, but it's intentional and it lands really well. This show was so funny in the early episodes when it was leaning more into the sitcom bits. 

NiNi 

I found it funny all the way through, because I always find some of the humor in the pathos that comes later down the line. Like it was so funny when Phumjai and Yang went on the practice date because Phumjai is getting ready to go on this date with Tammy. And he's going on this practice date, and all he's thinking about on this practice date is, “What does Yang want to do?” 

So he shows up at the practice date with green bread, a baseball mitt, like. [laughs] That's like, so much going on, and I'm like looking at it like, “Oh, this is so sweet and so funny because of course he would bring a freaking baseball mitt because he thinks that Yang would have a good time. This is adorable.” 

And then the end, when Phojai gets kidnapped—follow us, girlies. Phojai gets kidnapped because Phumjai is paying off this debt—there's a little mafia shit going down in the end. But Phojai gets kidnapped for, like, months, and then when they finally pay off the kidnappers and they've released Phojai, you discover that Phojai has actually been kind of running the shit in the mafia for the last two months! [laughs] He’s become, like, a trusted lieutenant. 

Of course you took over, because you are an elder sibling. This is what you do. You got them organized. You made them respect you. I respect that as an elder sibling myself. I was just like, “That's exactly what I would do.” It was so funny. I enjoyed it entirely all the way through. I did not mind Daou’s wig. 

Shan 

Thank you! Can we talk about the wig? This is very important to me. 

[NiNi laughs]

Ben 

No, because first I have to get very serious about how good the show actually was. We will undercut the seriousness of which I will talk about how good the show was with you talking about how terrible Daou’s wig was. 

[NiNi laughs]

So, for those of you who listen to The Conversation podcast, you know that NiNi and I don't always see eye-to-eye when it comes to really huge power dynamic differentials between characters. This show is one of the very rare examples of a workplace set show where the workplace mattered and also the leads were equal to each other. One of the caveats of Thai economic politics is that foreigners cannot hold majority stake ownership in a Thai corporation. So despite Yang's wealth that he brings to the table and determination to open up a store in Thailand, he cannot have majority stake. 

Phumjai, who doesn't bring any money to the table, brings the fact that he is a Thai national to the table. So the two of them have equal ownership in the store—Phumjai slightly has more. We think Phumjai might be a bumbling idiot, but when asked to hire people because Yang, even though he has business sense, he doesn't know anyone. Phumjai actually hires competent people to help out in the store. Yeah, sure, he hired a bunch of femmes, but he hired really competent people to work in their store, and was actively engaged with trying to make the store successful. He was doing rapid iteration of various marketing strategies to try to get customers to engage with their store. He doesn't use the formal language that Yang does, but he is trying his best, and bringing even his own little money he has to try and make the store’s opening as successful as possible. 

His interest in Tammy is also grounded in something real. We thought he was just lusting after an idol, but he had had a weird meet-cute with her when she had visited Thailand as a tourist. She asked him just to show her around because she was a little bit lost, and he basically went on a date with Tammy when she first came to Thailand. So his crush on her wasn't grounded on just the persona she presents in her show as an idol. He had had a genuine interaction with her and connection with her. And when he finally approaches her properly, Tammy is also receptive to his advances. Sure, they get complicated by the fact that this is a BL and she's a girl—she can't win. But she also takes that in stride. She is a character that is not dismissed along the way despite being a girl in a BL. 

This show was legitimately so good at managing its character dynamics and how the characters played with each other. The growth between Yang and Phumjai together and personally was really well handled. This show struggles a little bit on the back end by getting a little bit silly with Yang's debt and the [sigh] mafia shit, but legitimately, this is one of the better shows that aired this year. 

Now let's talk about Daou's wig. 

Shan

Thank you! I've been holding it in so bravely. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

Listen, listen! This is about respect. I need to pay respect to Daou, because that man had to wear this monstrosity of a bowl cut on his head. This horrible wig. The sideburns looked so fake. Every time you got a slight angle on the wig, you could tell that it was just a mop sitting on his head. Somehow he managed to deliver some of the hottest scenes of the entire year while he had that wig on his head. And you know, I just think that that deserves recognition. 

Ben 

Let's talk about the hottest scene of the year. 

[NiNi laughs] 

These people recognized that this was a show set in a convenience store—

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

—and they said, “Offroad and Daou,” and they were like, “Yeah, what's up?” “We need you guys to knock down these fucking shelves in this fucking convenience store, banging it out, because it's definitely a kink thing for Yang.” And they said, “Bet.” 

Shan 

In front of the security camera!

Ben 

Yang absolutely has that footage saved somewhere. 

Shan 

[laughs] 100% he does. 

Ben 

I had an absolute blast with this show. This was legitimately one of my favorite shows of the year. 

NiNi 

I must concur, and I actually scored it a 10. 

Ben 

Holy shit.

NiNi 

And the reason I scored it at 10 was that at the end they turned the store into a workers cooperative. So that gets 10 for me. 

Shan 

Bonus points from NiNi. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Ben 

All right, Shan, let's give it the real drama rankings. 

Shan

I gave it an 8. I loved the show. I had a great time with it. Is undeniably messy, and the writing really went off the rails in the final couple episodes, and I can't pretend that that didn't happen. But I really loved it. 

Ben 

I gave the show an 8.5. The writing does unfortunately get a little bit messy towards the end. They didn't really know how to do the epilogue episode as cleanly as some of the more experienced teams do. But that's me being, like, fair from the drama ranking scale. In my heart, this show is a 9. 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

This show was really good! It was a lot of fun to watch. People should go watch this show. It's a lot of fun. 

NiNi 

I am calling producer privilege to give the show a 9 from The Conversation. 

Ben 

I'm okay with it. 

Shan 

I'm good with it. 

NiNi 

We have an accord. Love in Translation gets a 9 from The Conversation. Daou and Offroad, thank you so much. 

Ben 

If you are a fan of BL, but you say you've gotten burned out on all of the school-based stuff, this is probably one of the better workplace shows. 

But, at least you know, that a windmill… 

[all laugh]

All right!

NiNi 

Moving on.

00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You

NiNi

Our next show—we have officially reached the Japanese portion.

Ben

Bangers Only section of this episode!

NiNi

The first show that we're going to talk about is an absolute banger: I Cannot Reach You. Ben, what is I Cannot Reach You about?

Ben

Oh, Shan gets this one. 

NiNi

Shan!

Ben

Oh yeah!

NiNi

What is I Cannot Reach You about?

Shan

I Cannot Reach You Is a friends-to-lovers BL about two childhood friends who are in high school together, one of whom is a long-suffering pining gay boy, and one who is kind of an oblivious little chaos muffin. These character types might sound familiar to you, they are very common in Japanese BL. But what makes this story feel a little different is that it really sets out to deal with the deep angst that really comes in when you take friends to lovers seriously. 

This is not a fluffy show, even though it is light throughout, they're really digging into the pain of being in love with your friend, the confusion of feeling your feelings for your friend start to change, the shock that can come along with it. Kakeru, who is the main character here, learns in episode one that his longtime best friend Yamato is in love with him, and this whole show is about his journey to accept and understand that, and then also figure out how he feels about it and how he might be open to their relationship changing. 

It is, bar none, the best friends-to-lovers drama that I've ever seen in the BL genre. It is one of my absolute favorites of the year and on a short list of perfect shows that we got this year in BL.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

Well, damn. I love this unreservedly. I have, seriously, no notes. Actually, I have one note and the note that I wrote—I'm just gonna read it verbatim: I Cannot Reach You, to all of Japan, “Hey, guys, I'd like to introduce you all to this wonderful concept called talking. Please look at this adorable story about how talking can make your life better, and even help you find love.” [laughs] And that's my only note on I Cannot Reach You. 

I agree with Shan. I think it's a perfect show. It's so cute. It's so deeply felt. It is so centrally angsty. It had me deep in my feelings in a way that I have not really felt since His - I Didn't Think I Would Fall in Love, which is another Japanese banger that I love. It's a great show, easy to catch up on. It's not very long. It is so perfect. It's perfectly balanced, perfectly paced, perfectly written, perfectly acted. I love it, unreservedly.

Ben

This was probably one of the best shows that I have ever watched in all of BL. Very few BLs actually properly capture the experience of being closeted as a kid in a way that is not triggering. I was closeted—we talked about this on the show. It sucks. Ohara Yamato was in love with his friend Ashiya Kakeru, and he did not make his attraction to Kakeru something that Kakeru had to deal with. It's other people, who are so irritated watching the two of them interact, who intervene and sort of force them to deal with this issue between them. 

But here's the big thing. We can yell all day long about how characters should talk to each other and all this other stuff, and how communication is really important in romance and all these sorts of things. This is very true, but the thing is: when you're queer and you know the consequences of being publicly queer in this horrible, racist, homophobic hellscape, you don't want to force that on your friend. That's the crux of friends-to-lovers angst that is so critical. 

Yamato really does love Kakeru, and he doesn't want to force Kakeru to deal with being queer. They don't say it directly, but that is a huge part of the hang up here. That is so perfectly captured in a way that is not triggering. It is so hard to be gay and alone when you're a teenager. There is a real complex restraint that grips you when you're 17 and gay and struggling, and in love with your best friend, where you don't want to be alone, and you really want to be with your friend. But being gay hurts, and you don't want to be responsible for inflicting that hurt on them, that I connected to directly in Yamato, that is portrayed so, so well by Maeda Kentaro. 

And this show doesn't just do the whole “I love you” thing and then they make out or whatever. Like, “I liked you the whole time!” We watch Kakeru deal with the reality that he has to reframe his own relationship with one of his closest childhood friends. And he ends up finding attraction in himself as well, and he goes through the difficult process of that. That is not a switch that turns on. It's like, “Oh, shit, I guess I'm gay now because your desire for me is so strong.” What this show gets correct is, when you have a friends-to-lovers story, there's the drama of, “This relationship is really important to me, and most romances fail. Do I want to lose one of my critical relationships that underpins my understanding of who I am as myself for booty?” The answer in a lot of cases is no. That's a scary threshold to cross—your bestie is not your partner. 

He considers what this means for their friendship and their relationship, and how there is a genuine need to respond to someone's feelings. That, even if he is your best friend, the way that he's felt like this about you for a long time means you can't just pretend that that wasn't there the whole time. Just because you were wrong about what you were perceiving in your friend doesn't mean you can just bottle it up and walk that shit back. It's so expertly handled in a way that is adorable. 

Like both of you describe the show as cute, and that's sort of the point. This show managed to make some of the most difficult things about coming of age and being queer kind of palatable, and adorable, and really interesting to engage with. And it's so well done, the way that these boys play out the complexities here. 

And then we get to Episode 6, and Shan will remember when Episode 6 aired, because I almost called her on her personal phone line after I finished Episode 6. 

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

Shan

He was like, “sound the alarm, holy shit!” [laughs]

[NiNi laughs]

Ben

I was like, “Shan, There's a BL emergency! Get home quick!”

Shan

I was waiting to watch it until we had all the episodes and he was like, “Nope, no more waiting! Get on it right now!”

Ben

Episode 6 is probably the best single episode of BL of the whole year. Kakeru has a lot of self doubt as part of his character—really well executed—and he expresses that he can't understand why Yamato might like him, and Yamato gets angry about this, and is like, “Don't you know what you're worth?” and he throws Kakeru on the bed and has this moment where he crosses the line with him. And you can see possibly years of restraint breaking, and he kind of scares Kakeru. When he gets his senses back, he scares himself and flees, and has this whole breakdown where he despairs about this. This is so perfectly executed because that's how it feels when you're in the closet and you make a mistake and reveal yourself.

Shan

What's wild is that, that's just the end scene of episode 6. Episode 6 does so much shit even before that. This is the episode where Kakeru and Yamato have this conversation on the roof, where Yamato confesses. At this point they both kind of know what's going on, but Yamato comes right out and says, “This is how I feel. This is what's going on.” And then he does the classic BL thing of immediately after confessing, he tries to walk away because he doesn't wanna stick around to be rejected. 

And, something amazing happens in that scene, which is that Kakeru is like, “Hey, bitch, get back over here! You gotta listen to what I have to say now. You don't get to just confess and then run away.” And I was, like, fist pumping when that happened because it was, first of all, just a brilliant subversion of a classic trope. And he says, “I wasn't gonna reject you. I am still kind of processing this. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I want to think about it. You're important to me.” And I just love that. 

Like NiNi said earlier, “Wow, the power of talking to each other instead of just having your emotional outburst and then running away—actually trying to communicate.” And that's so much of what this show is about. The moments where these two characters are able to communicate with each other clearly and get their real feelings across, that is when they are able to make progress in their relationship, and there are lots of characters in the show who are reinforcing that along the way. 

Hosaka is probably the fan-favorite character. He's kind of the wise queer kid off to the side. He's got his little barrette in his hair. He's watching, he's perceiving, and he's really pushing—quite forcefully, actually [laughs]—the two lead characters to, like, talk to each other and get their shit together. 

My personal favorite side character is Yamato's sister: Mikoto. She is just this quiet presence who has always had her brother's number on this, and knows exactly what's going on, and really chooses her moments to show up and be a mirror to him of what she's seeing, what he's doing, and make him think, and even give him some courage. She even has a couple scenes where she does the same for Kakeru. She's a great sister character of a type that we don't get to see very much and I really appreciated her.

NiNi

This show’s a banger. There's no reason not to watch it. Watch the damn show.

Ben

This show also released the sexual tension in a way that J-BLs very rarely do, particularly not in this lane of J-BL.

Shan

And it did it beautifully. 

And I feel like we should talk a little bit about the visuals of this show. I'm not someone who normally even notices a lot of visual style. I’m a words person. I really am pretty dialogue-focused, and I don't usually notice a lot that's going on with the visual effects in the show, but this one used them so effectively that even I kind of keyed in.

Ben

So this show uses a bokeh effect, which is this thing where you play with the focus of the camera to make these blurry lights appear. This is very common in anime to show that a character is experiencing heightened emotion. Like the emotions are sparkling out of them, and the show color-coded the boys's visual effect to reflect when they were experiencing intense emotion. It’s very obvious to the audience when the moment turns for Kakeru. Yamato is bursting with emotion from the first goddamn episode, and when it starts to happen for Kakeru, we're finally—“Oh, finally, these bitches are both on the same page.” 

The other fun visual gag in the show is, very early on there’s this moment at, like, an arcade or whatever, where Yamato gets a stuffed animal for Kakeru, which is part of him thinking he wants to be with this girl. He ends up keeping the stuffed animal and the stuffed animal ends up becoming the audience stand in. So, like, whenever a moment happens between the boys, they cut to the stuffed animal whose arms they've moved to create a different expression—him either being, like, overwhelmed with kilig feelings about the boys being cute, or aghast feelings [laughs] about something untoward suddenly going on. It's a great running visual gag.

NiNi

This show is awesome. It gets at 10. What were you guys’ scores?

Shan

Perfect 10, baby!

Ben

For those of you who don't know, NiNi and I are far more loose with our 10s than Shan. Shan is a stingy bitch when it comes to 10s.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Understatement. I have watched over 400 dramas. I have given out eleven 10s total, but this show is one of them.

Ben

I also gave this show a 10.

NiNi

Okay, so I Cannot Reach You gets a 10 from The Conversation and we are on to the next one.

00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman

NiNi

The next show that we're going to talk about on this what is definitely going to be a monster episode is My Personal Weatherman. Who wants to take this one? Ben or Shan, who is telling us what My Personal Weatherman is about?

Shan

Ben’s definitely gotta do this one.

Ben

My Personal Weatherman is a very kinky BL where a local weather forecaster has a live-in boyfriend who is an erotic manga artist. They have a very Dom/sub, and they are not very good at talking to each other. They actually do say a lot to each other in this show. They just constantly misunderstand each other—very refreshing for Japan. Segasaki is the weatherman who provides for them. Yoh is the manga artist who is very much struggling. Yoh sees himself as kind of a slave—he doesn't really necessarily enjoy the sort of housewife role he's been placed into, and resents that they seem to only have sex when it [doesn’t] rains? 

He pretends like he doesn't want to have sex with Segasaki, but then he has a whole blow up because they end up in a sunny [rainy] season where it doesn't rain a lot and has a whole breakdown episode where he just masturbates furiously for a whole afternoon because they haven't had sex in a while. It's a very fun reveal that the reason why they don't have sex is because that's what Segasaki thought they needed to do, which has really good payoff in, like, the next episode or two later. 

This show was a little bit complicated to talk about and watch. This very obvious kink dynamics going on in this, but people who are more familiar with Japanese home dynamics say some of this is actually fairly normal for husband and wife dynamics. And the show ends a little bit abruptly, which is part of my consternation with it. I kind of liked a lot of what the show was doing. I unfortunately watch too much BTS stuff, and it was revealed that some of the things that were going on with Segasaki were kind of improvised by a Higuchi Kohei, who plays Segasaki, which I think muddles some of the messaging of the show. 

But before we get deeper into that sort of stuff, NiNi, I know I bullied you to watch the show, and Japanese BL is not always your forte—reactions and thoughts on this show?

NiNi

So you're right that they are communicating, they're just willfully misunderstanding each other. I found that incredibly frustrating. But I still like the show. I did. I did like the show. I think that the miscommunications that they're having, because they are talking and miscommunicating that way, I am less annoyed by the miscommunication. If they were just not talking, it would be like a completely different thing. 

And then I like the settings. I like the side characters. I like the main characters. I like that Yoh cannot cook and Segasaki loves to eat his food anyway. Yoh’s a terrible cook, like terrible, like— [laughs] it's so bad, and Segasaki literally eats everything that Yoh will make with a smile on his face because he loves him so much.

Shan

He ruined a curry. I don't even know how you do that.

Ben

That's really impressive. Curry’s so easy. His curry was crunchy! Gurl.

NiNi

I think the thing that I'm not sure comes across, but in your description of the show, is that they've been together for a while. This show stretches on a little bit. It shows how they ended up together?

Ben

One of the things we got clarification on is like their cohabitation is fairly recent. The offer was made when they were still students, but the cohabitation is recent.

Shan

Which we didn't find out until almost the end of the show.

NiNi

Segaki thinks that he's being clear with Yoh. Yoh, because of, I guess, self-esteem issues or whatever it is is completely misreading the very direct words I think that Segasaki is using, but Segasaki is also being direct, but not entirely clear. So it's not that it's easy to misunderstand, but you could see how misunderstandings could happen. Yoh is kind of withholding even if he's saying things. 

Segasaki is picking up a completely different kind of thing from what Yoh is saying, because he thinks that they're in a loving relationship, while Yoh thinks that they're in a weird master-servant dynamic. So, they're in a relationship. They're just, they're in two different relationships. And so they're talking past each other. 

Yoh doesn't understand why Segasaki won’t be certain affectionate ways with him, and the minute that it becomes that Yoh actually expresses that in a way that Segasaki understands, he completely changes the way that he behaves towards Yoh. And he does do that softness and affection and stuff with him because he didn't know that that was what Yoh wanted. He thought that what he was doing was what Yoh wanted. It's similar to how Yoh is reading Segasaki. 

I found it interesting. Frustrating, yes, I will not deny that I found it frustrating. But I found the way that they chose to deal with the miscommunication trope, which is a big trope that Japan uses—which is a lot of times why I have trouble with Japanese BL, because miscommunication frustrates the shit out of me—but I think that the way that it was used in this show was very clever, and I liked how they move past it. I think that how they moved past it was also very interesting. 

So yeah, I think the show was pretty good. I would score it highly.

Ben

Shan, thoughts on the show?

Shan

So [sigh], sometimes, in BL fandom, I think that we as an audience latch on to the idea of a show, and then kind of give a show credit for our idea of what it's doing instead of what it's actually doing. And this is one of those shows for me. It's not a fave. 

I liked a lot about the show—a lot of the things that NiNi just mentioned—I thought were interesting. Like, miscommunication trope is not my favorite, but it's hugely Japanese for cultural reasons, for language reasons, so I'm very used to it—and I've seen really good executions of it. This show, I feel, did not have the quality of writing that it needed to support the complexities of what it was trying to do with these characters. And that showed through a lot, there were a lot of cracks in this show. 

You kind of alluded to one earlier, Ben, about how there were—what I perceived while watching—there were some inconsistencies in characterization in Segasaki in particular. And we learned from the BTS that that actually probably was an actual inconsistency, because it wasn't in the writing, these differences in how he was appearing in these different time periods. It was something the actor was just trying out on his own, and they kind of just let him do that. 

There were lots of instances of dropped threads or missing context to understand the characters' reactions and things. I read some awesome gap filler, thoughts, explanations, and interpretations of what we could make of the characters behaving in certain ways. To use an old Internet term: that's called ‘fanwanking,’ and that is when the fans of a thing have to do a lot of extra work to figure it out and explain it because the show has not done that work itself. And that, for me, was kind of the bottom line with this show. It didn't do all of its work, and I think that a lot of us were so intrigued by the premise—were so into the visuals of the show, liked the pair, liked the characters enough, to fill in those gaps and still really enjoy it. But for me, the show didn't get to the level of quality that it was aspiring to, and it didn't quite work for me, in the end. 

On top of some of those gaps that I think were kind of there throughout the show. You said earlier, Ben, I think, that it ended abruptly. It's not just that it ended abruptly, it didn't finish its story. It felt very unfinished. To me it felt like an intentional grab for a season 2—a play to try to get the fans wanting more so that they could maybe get funding for a season 2? And hey, if that's what they're going for, power to them. I hope they get the money. I'd really like to see them finish the story. But, I would have liked more if they would have actually finished the story initially that they were trying to tell. This show for me, it tried some things. It was interesting. It was enjoyable to watch.

Ben

[laughs] She said, “Girl, you tried.”

Shan

It’s a little bit of a Girl, You Tried for me! I'm not gonna lie, it is!

Ben

Here's what I'll say. I don't think all of the pieces of the show work together as seamlessly as they wanted them to. However…I don't care. [laughs] 

I liked what the show is trying to do. I really liked the really messy relationship between them. I like that Drama Shower went with a show about two people who are trying to be together and failing miserably at it. I do like what the show was attempting to do. I find myself far more forgiving to the show because it was trying things that BL doesn't do very often. I also just really liked episode 4, where Man-san comes to their house.

Shan

Yes, let's talk about Man-san, best character in the show. [laughs]

Ben

It was one of my favorite moments of the year, the bit where she knocked at the door and Yoh panics, and Segasaki’s  like, “Oh so she’s here?” and he starts stretching. He's like, “Don’t worry.” Like he’s ready to fight this woman [NiNi laughs] who he believes that Yoh was having a secret romance with on the side, and then the door opens and—she's been a Segasaki stan for a while. And they have this really great comedic overlay of [laughs], “Oh my God. I'm at my idol's house.” And all he does is charm the shit out of her for the whole episode, and piss Yoh off because he thinks Segasaki's flirting with her. 

I had so much fun with this show. This is the closest I come to a vibes rating. I tend to be forgiving with shows that are trying things that are fresh in the genre—or at least underexplored. And so, we’re mostly rating this show on the fact that it executes high heat in a believable way, for the most part, and was generally a really watchable eight weeks. I had a lot of fun with this show.

Shan

Mmhmm. I hope they get their season 2. I wanna see them finish it.

NiNi

I ended up giving this an 8. I think it was pretty good. The parts that I liked I really liked, and the other parts were just kind of a meh for me. ‘Meh’ is always going to be worse than ‘bad,’ for me anyway, unless it's offensive. So it drags it down from what could have been a 9 to an 8 for me. 

Shan, how about you?

Shan

In a shocking twist, I gave it a higher score than NiNi. I gave it an 8.5. Maybe because I, like you, Ben, appreciated what it was trying to do and wanted to give it a little credit for that.

Ben

I gave My Personal Weatherman an 8.5. So it can get an 8 from The Conversation. It's fine.

NiNi

So My Personal Weatherman gets an 8 from The Conversation, and on we go.

01:07:01 - If It's With You

NiNi

Our next show that we're talking about is If It's With You.

Ben

Oh! We're back to bangers! Let's continue!

Shan 

I got it!

If It's With You is about Amane, a high school student who fucks… You want me to say more than that?

Ben

No. You are correct, bestie, and this show is perfect. 

[NiNi laughs]

This show opens up with a high schooler having ill-advised sex with an older character, who's about to move to the countryside with his grandma. And his last hookup is like, “It's been really fun tearing that ass up. But maybe, when you move to this little, small seaside town, you can have a normal high school romance.” And he scoffs at the notion of someone like him ever having a high school romance, but little does he know he's in a five-episode MBS BL, and that's exactly what's in store for him! 

And it's great! He moves to the little seaside town. He immediately runs into a really hot guy who's super sweet, falls for him, and it ends up being mutual.

Shan

I like that this show is a twist on the classic romance trope of goin’ to a little seaside town, meetin’ someone unexpected, fallin’ in love. Like, there's hardly a more classic romance trope—we've all seen it a million times. But what was nice about it is that we had this young character who was already kind of jaded, and just didn't think that love was something he was interested in. And we got to see him form a really genuine connection with somebody—that was initially based on thinking he was hot and wanting to fuck him. Yeah, Amane definitely wanted to have sex with Ryuji. He made it kind of clear. 

One of my favorite things the show did was Amane is not in the closet. He's not ashamed of who he is, and he made sure that Ryuji knew, first that he was gay, and second that he wanted to be physically involved with Ryuji. He told him that straight up, and kind of braced himself for rejection because, as we learned, he had been rejected for that in the past by other friends. And then we get to see Ryuji react to that, and process it, and be like, “Okay, that's cool. I don't know that I can really reciprocate that right now, but I want to keep hanging out. Is that alright with you?” What a cool response to that. What a way to be, Ryuji, I love that! And then we got to just see them build a relationship from there. It felt very genuine.

NiNi

Amane is one of my favorite types, which is a masking sad boy. He's a sad boy who is pretending to be happy, and pretending to not care. Basically, he's putting on this front of being carefree when he's actually a very sad, very hurt boy, and Ryuji clocks that immediately and tells him, “Yo, you don't gotta do all of that around me. It's fine if you’re sad.” At that point I was not only in love with the show, I was in love with Amane. 

In fact, my only critique of the show is, I think, at the very, very end it pulled its punch. But… basically, Amane is one of my favorite characters of the year, and there's so much about Ryuji, too. Ryuji is a kid who's lost his dad, and he works with his mom in the restaurant where his dad used to cook. Literally, his dad is the one who taught him to cook, and now he cooks in the restaurant, and sometimes he doesn't go to school because he has to work in the restaurant, and his house is a little chaotic. But there's one corner where his dad's shrine is, which is spotless. 

Guys, if I start thinking about this show too much, I'm actually gonna cry. I think the show touched me somewhere very deep, and it's a thing that I'm still thinking about, even if, as I said, I think it pulled its punches a little bit at the end, it stayed with me. Also, some of the greatest set design. Y’all know I love Japanese set design. It's a fantastic example of set design.

Ben

Continuing the conversation we had with I Cannot Reach You about how it's very difficult to be gay when you're young. Amane tried to have the youth thing that Heartstopper indicates that we could potentially have, and Amane is crushed for it—the way many of us are crushed—accidentally! The best thing about the way Amane gets crushed is that his friend crushes him without realizing he did—excellent gay angst. Top tier. I feel the old wounds festering. It's great. 

NiNi

[laughs] Why are you like this?

Ben

[laughs]

So Amane is not well, and he's doing what many of us do: he skips it. Gay people who are closeted do not get to have high school romances. We don't get used to people perceiving us and what it means to be a couple. We skip so much of this, and then you become an adult, and these anonymous hookups—that are not very meaningful—and they can feel weird, because you're trying to be vulnerable with someone, and they don't want that. And it sucks to try and have intimate moments with other gay people that feel like transactions. It makes you feel cheap about yourself, and Amane understood that. And he's gorgeous. He's a funny, thoughtful, heartfelt little boy, and he already thinks he is just someone else for other people to hook up with.

Shan

I just want to say NiNi’s right that they pulled their punch at the end, and it's why this show isn't perfect for me. I loved it a lot, but the show started, as we’ve mentioned, with a character for whom sexual intimacy—sexual desire—was a big part of just how he lived, how he thought of himself, what he liked to do. And I don't like it when shows explicitly or implicitly imply that serious relationships, true love, do not have a sexual component. That sex is something salacious and dirty, and that love is something pure. And I think, because the show pulled its punches at the end here on the sexual relationship between Amane and Ryuji, I think that's a little bit of the implicit message that they put out there. And I don't love that. So I do have to ding them for that. They didn't finish strong.

Ben

I do agree in that regard and it was very unfortunate for this show that I Cannot Reach You finished, like, two weeks later. [laughs]

Shan

It really didn't help this show that I Cannot Reach You came up on its tail and did it better.

Ben

I really like the show. I really like the way that it set up a very initial premise of “maybe you should try a real romance, kid.” Like, you're still a kid. You can still have a good romance. It doesn't matter that you failed once: A great message to all the little gays out there, old and young. You can still have worthwhile romance. Shiro got to have a great relationship with Kenji at like 47!

Shan

There it is! I've been waiting for it! It's amazing! You made it two hours without it. Two whole hours before you did it.

Ben

I was trying so hard, bestie. I really was. I was really trying not to mention What Did You Eat Yesterday? in this episode. [laughs]

NiNi

I knew once we hit Japanese BL, it was only a matter of time.

Ben

I was trying so hard, y’all. Like, they were talking about the way this man couldn't cook, and I was like, “Ooh, I can't mention What Did You Eat Yesterday?” 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Y’all got me so conscious about my favorite show! They dragged me, y'all! They ate me up! They tore me to pieces! 

But seriously, in terms of, like, messaging, I agree. They muddled it a little bit, but I really like Amane's arc. 

It's good! One of my favorites of the year. Let's go around the room. Ratings! NiNi?

NiNi

I give it a 10.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 9.5.

Ben

I also gave it a 9.5. I think it is a Conversation 9.5 because we all agree that it muddled the waters on Amane’s relationship with sex as it pertains to Ryuji.

NiNi

I concur. So, it's a 9.5 from The Conversation for If It's With You.

01:15:38 - Absolute Zero

NiNi

And now we are into the shit. [laughs]

Ben

Oh, oh shit! Oh fuck! It's two hours into this! I have almost finished my daiquiri. I am drunk. 

[NiNi laughs]

Let's talk about Absolute Zero!

NiNi

You're gonna get exactly three minutes on Absolute Zero, okay?

Ben

Oh, sure, that's all I need.

NiNi

I'm not letting you get into another New Siwaj thing. [laughs] Should be easy, because I didn't watch it, and Shan and Ben did not finish it. Ben, tell us what Absolute Zero is about.

Ben

Absolute Zero is a time travel BL in which a gay man in his 30s… No, he's technically 26. Oh my God. A 26 year-old gay man! His partner, who he lives with, has an accident. He's in a coma. He's having a bad time. And then a magic taxi takes him to the past, and then he does nothing for six episodes except date the younger version [laughs] of his boyfriend, and confuse the fuck out of them. And then apparently a bunch of time travel nonsense happens after this, and I had to be forcibly dragged off of this show [Shan laughs] because the clowns were worried for me. 

We don't need to talk about the show. Shan, you don't need to talk about it? NiNi, you don’t need to talk about it. I'm gonna look directly into the camera. 

[NiNi laughs]

New Siwaj, you had multiple opportunities this year to do something meaningful. I have had to sit here across from NiNi for over a year as Tee Bundit has put out three different shows, 2 and one half of which I thought flopped in one way or another. [Shan laughs] You had multiple opportunities to give me something useful to talk about with NiNi on this podcast, and you failed me, sir. 

This was your chance to do Until We Meet Again-style BL again, and you should have given us all something sad and melancholy to reflect over as a real good capstone of this year and you [starts yelling] fucking blew it for all of us! 

I cannot believe you, sir. You've wasted so much of our goddamn time. I cannot believe you embarrassed me on this podcast like this. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

New Siwaj is having whatever the opposite of a renaissance year is. 

NiNi

Ooh.

Ben

So bad. Like, you should have thrived under these circumstances. This is your bread and butter: caring way too much about little shit, but you didn't get any of the big shit right. This was a terrible experience. Literally, only two other people we know of finished your goddamn show.

Shan

And they hated it, every minute!

Ben

They had nothing positive to say about it. For over two months, this was horrible. What an absolute waste of genuinely good talent at every level of this production. Reportedly, everyone gave decent performances, and you wasted them on this empty drivel. What the fuck was this? You had four years of having the rights of the story. You had the actual writer of the novel on staff helping you write the goddamn script. And it was still this stupid empty mess, which apparently ends at none of it really occurring, but everyone having some sort of form of temporal PTSD? Like this was a 12 week Star Trek episode? What the absolute fuck was this?

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

I have nothing to add. 

NiNi

Hydrate, baby, hydrate.

Ben

Oh, girl you know I got my water right here. 

This show gets no rating from The Conversation. We DNF’d this show. We will never be going back to this show. 

I will allow the rest of you to offer additional commentary. Proceed.

NiNi

So, Ben, is this breakup gonna stick?

Shan

Yeah, right. 

Ben

We have talked about this girl. 

[NiNi laughs]

He's got a whole college BL with all of the B- and C-listers at GMMTV coming out in the spring. I gotta watch this fucking shithow, don't you worry. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

There never has been a break up, and there never will be a breakup. Let’s just be clear.

NiNi

They’re the couple that fights in the street, and then the next day they're all boo’d up. I hate you so much.

Ben

We are what they thought they were doing with Cher and Top in Only Friends.

Shan

Mew and Top.

NiNi

[laughs] I’m so mad that you called it Cher in Only Friends!

Ben

Oh, Mew and Top. Right, right, right, right, right, right. 

[NiNi laughs]

It gets a 0 from The Conversation!

Shan

An Absolute Zero.

NiNi

An Absolute Zero.

Ben

Oh man, I didn't make another windmill joke during If It's With You—If It's With You is about how— [laughs]

A windmill!

[laughs harder]

NiNi

I am so done with you. I am moving on. We are moving on.

01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa

NiNi

We're moving on to—I am just calling it ‘the main event.’

Ben

No, no, I'll do it, because you have to describe this one. You're gonna take this L, bestie.

[NiNi laughs]

On to our next show: My Dear Gangster Oppa. NiNi, tell us about [laughs] My Dear Gangster Oppa.

NiNi

My Dear Gangster Oppa is the B-movie’s B-movie. My Dear Gangster Oppa is a Thai BL based on a Korean webtoon that I have not read—because I never read these things—but I do know that it's based on a Korean webtoon, so I get a point for that. It is about the titular gangster oppa, Tew, and the titular dear, Guy. 

They meet playing some kind of mobile game virtually and they somehow become sort of close, or at least close enough that when the gaming team decides that they're going to meet in real life, all the other gamers are like, “Guy, you ask Oppa to come to the meet up, because he'll come if you ask him to.” Well, at that point they thought it was a her because Oppa plays with a female avatar because of reasons.

Ben

Naive assumptions.

NiNi

[laughs] The point of the matter is Oppa’s a gangster, like legit—guns, beatings, stabbings.

Ben

He has murdered people!

NiNi

He has absolutely killed people, and Guy is just a sad gay boy in love with his bestie since high school… 

I'm sorry guys, I'm doing a terrible job of describing the show.

Shan

It's not you, NiNi, it's the show!

Ben

I'll back you up. It starts off as a show about gamers, and two of them falling for each other, and then decides to become a shitty mafia BL.

NiNi

[gasps]

Shan

A boring mafia BL.

Ben

There it is. It becomes a boring mafia BL.

NiNi

Shan and Ben are stabbing me through the heart right now. I just want to let you, the listeners, know.

Ben

Well, how about you climb over the wall wearing your kneepads and drop onto—[Ben and NiNi laughs]—the mattress?

NiNi

That's why it's a B-movie’s B-movie, Ben!

Shan

No, listen. NO!

NiNi

Okay, the show had—the show had ideas.

Ben

Did it?

NiNi

It had ideas. Some of the ideas were really good. The execution of the show is terrible. Some of it is terrible. I—okay, it's all terrible by accident. Like none of this is done on purpose. Do not get me wrong. It is very, very bad.

Ben

They hired the most juiceless boys, and then pretended that they had juice. That was not good. Like if you had— 

Oof. I have my own read. Finish talking about your little show you had fun with before I cut it to pieces.

NiNi

This show is not good. It's not good. I am not defending it on any type of quality grounds. I just enjoyed the fuck out of it. That's all I'm saying. It was trash. You could see all the seams, as Ben has intimated. You can see the stuntee's knee pads and elbow pads. You can see them throwing themselves off of things and falling onto the barely-hidden mats. Oh my God, it's so bad. It's so bad that I laughed my ass off for eight weeks. I'm sorry, I had a good time.

Shan

Let me give NiNi some credit. I just binged this show this week, and I was genuinely having fun with it for the first half—the same vibe that NiNi’s talking about. Like I was, like, “This is hilariously bad, but it's kind of funny.” 

[laughs] We have to talk about the bright orange scar makeup. 

Ben

Do we?

Shan

Did they not have red or black in their makeup kits? They put these fucking neon orange scars on him [laughs], and it was the worst thing I've ever seen. But it’s like, that kind of shit is funny, it was a good time. But the show's biggest sin to me is not that it wasn't good. It was never going to be good. It's that it got so fucking boring, because it abandoned all the funny elements—the fun and silly and wacky things it was doing in the beginning with, like, the gamers—and treating the difference between them in some ways so seriously, and in some ways so deeply unseriously. That dichotomy was kind of fun. 

But then in the second-half of the show, it becomes all about this fucking mafia plot, and it was terrible. Like, it—it was terrible because it was so boring. The energy just sucked straight out of the screen every time I had to sit through these long ass scenes of Oppa talking to these different mafia guys about what they were mad about and why. I never gave a single shit. It was horrible. And that is why the show pissed me off, because it was fun, and then it decided to just be this dull nothing. 

This show, like Oppa, needed to quit the gangster life.

NiNi

[laughs] When I tell you, I actually screamed. Like, my sister had to come check on me.

Shan

It was all downhill from that line. That was the peak of the show.

NiNi

[laughs] How dare you? The show had a budget of $47.18 and it spent all of it on that scar prosthetic.

Ben

I watched this with Aiden, who you may have heard on the I Told Sunset About You episode. Aiden could not remember Tew’s name, and once he started wearing those horrible suspenders [laughs] Aiden just started calling him Urkel for the rest of our watches. 

NiNi

Now you see, that's fun.

Ben

Shan refused to learn his name and just called him ‘Oppa’ the whole time.

Shan

I stand by it.

NiNi

It's the B-movie’s B-movie. It's like B-exponential, like B-to-the-power-of-B. Okay, I'm sorry. I am that girl.

Ben

You heard many a Gay Rant from me over the last year. New rant unlocked for The Conversation: Gamer Rant.

NiNi

Oh, no.

Shan

Oh, boy.

Ben

We don't talk about this on the podcast, but I have a very long history of being very involved with a very specific video game. I have deep and meaningful relationships with other gamers. I was the best man at a gamer wedding where sixteen of us showed up. We were deep at that wedding—we had our own goddamn table. And I showed up as the only representative at a smaller wedding to make sure that one of us was present to witness the event. 

Gaming relationships are so important to me because when you're a weirdo and you don't fit in, It's easy to become close with people very quickly online because you're anonymous. They don't know anything about you. This show ends up abandoning all the interesting things about this weird collection of people who had found each other through this game, and decided to meet up together and extend that relationship into meatspace, to then become the weirdly worst mafia BL we've seen in a while, which was so twisted because the show clearly likes action film, and then embarrassed itself trying to mimic them. And clearly cared about violence, because Tew has a legitimately violent history that is handled with far more seriousness than even something like KinnPorsche did. 

There was so much that was way more interesting than being a shitty action schlock BL that this show could have been by starting with the gaming component, and it was legitimately infuriating for me to see this show use it as a cheap way to say these guys know each other, to then do nothing interesting with the mafia shit. 

I hate this show, so much. This is one of the worst shows we watched this season because this show could have been a fun action schlock B-movie if it was a fucking movie. But it asked for eight fucking weeks from me. I spent eight hours with this motherfucker—I had a lot of time to think about this shit. This show sucks way more than it even realizes that it sucks, and that's really the sad part about it all. This show is one of the worst [laughs] shows I watched in this season and I hate it.

NiNi

Shan, Ben is gamer offended, among other things.

Shan

I do think this show would have been a lot better if it was about the gamers instead of about the mafia.

Ben

There was a real opportunity for them to just only talk about their team stuff and for all of Tew’s gangster shit to be lore going on in the background, cause when you're hanging out with your homies online, their real lives are lore. Like, NiNi is in school. That means nothing to me.

[NiNi laughs]

“Is she gonna be present for this show? Oh, wait. No. She's gotta worry about, like, her real life stuff with her family or her school or our podcast. Well, shit, NiNi's busy. I guess I can't bug her to watch this tiny Taiwanese BL that I really like. It's not that important.” 

Shan does really cool shit in her real life. That means nothing to me! “Shan, are you available to watch this Japanese BL that I really like?” That's all I care about.

Shan

Always bestie, always.

Ben

That's the point. Gaming friendships—we don't really know what people do in their day-to-day lives. Like it would have been legitimately funny if Tew was, like, never lying about shit. Like, “Yeah, we just had a really weird stuff. Like, a guy came into the store. I had to, like, beat the shit out of four guys. I might have killed one of them. Whatever. We got rid of his body.” And they would be like, “Haha! Whatever! It’s time for practice.” If they had legitimately focused on whatever gaming shit they were concerned about and all of Tew’s mafia shit happened in the background as just fan fiction we all made-up, this would have been a fucking excellent show. 

But instead it was this disaster that ended up offending me way more than I expected it to. Fuck this show! 

On to Wahl, who was one of the characters I hate the most this year. Oh, I got words for that motherfucker. Don't think we're getting out of this recording without me going off about Wahl. Fuck that dude. I hate this dude so much. This character is not redeemable to me. Wahl only cares about Guy at the point at which Guy remains under his control. And the grossest thing this show did was have him accept that he can no longer control Guy, and then imply that he ends up with another guy at the end to perpetuate this cycle he has. He is so fucking vile. I hate him so fucking much.

Shan

I would just like to say that I concur on Wahl. That guy fucking sucks, and I hated him from maybe the second episode.

Ben

As soon as he did that stupid seal dance, I was like, “I hate this man!” [laughs]

Shan

You are done.

Ben

I'm like, “That's not even a whale, you stupid son of a bitch! Get outta here!”

Shan

He was a shitty friend, and as always, I got salty about him being forgiven without having to pay any consequences for his shitty behavior.

NiNi

We all agree that Wahl sucks. [laughs] We can agree on that. [laughs]

Ben

Does anyone have anything else to say about this terrible show before we move on?

NiNi

I am continuing to defend it. I will give it a 6.5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 5.

Ben

I gave it a 4.

NiNi

So, Shan, by The Price is Right rules, you win [laughs] and the show gets a 5.

Shan

Feels right.

01:33:32 - Middleman's Love

NiNi

Moving on to our final show, and the one we all just finished today—well Ben and I finished. Shan watched the beginning and the end, which I think is a delightful way to watch this show.

Shan

I am very happy with my choices.

NiNi

So we all watched Middleman's Love. Yes, you might have heard me say on an earlier episode of this podcast that I would not be watching Middleman's Love. However, you should mind your business, because just because I said it doesn't mean it's happening.

Ben

I say I break up with New Siwaj every single season of the show. [NiNi and Shan laugh] It's whatever. We don't care.

NiNi

So I watched Middleman's Love, and I have actual real thoughts. But first we gotta tell the people what Middleman's Love is about. So, Ben, take it away.

Ben

Middleman's Love is a spin off from Bed Friend. Jade is a middle child and used to being overlooked by his family and his friends. They've got some interns at work. He doesn't realize that his intern has an enormous crush on him, and so is using his fudanshi eyes to try and hook him up with another intern, and slowly comes to realize the intern actually has legitimate feelings for him as we unpack Jade's own hang ups as it comes to love. 

While there are a lot of things I ended up enjoying, the show attempts to be comedic in a way that was really divisive and it ends up being kind of a mixed bag. Bed Friend is a really dramatic show, and while I don't think all of us currently here agree about how well Bed Friend did these things, Middleman's Love as a really comedic tonal shift doesn't always work because they're relying on Yim to be comedic as Jade in a way that makes you ask legitimately as Shan likes to say, “Why would anyone want to fuck this man?”

Shan

[laughs] Well, I did wonder why anyone would want to fuck this guy.

Ben

And that is honestly a legitimate question to ask early on in this. This ends up getting a little bit of Cheewin’s stuff—and I’ll let NiNi have that part—’cause she's much kinder to Cheewin about this than I am. But that's basically the gist of it. Jade is a middle child who's used to being overlooked and playing supporting role to other people who comes to realize that he can have love, too. 

NiNi, your thoughts on the show?

NiNi

That's it in a nutshell. I have a lot of thoughts on this show because it helped me clarify a lot of things about Cheewin. 

Now I get to say some lore and some BTS stuff because I know things too, Ben. This was originally cast with Jimmy and Tommy, with Tommy as Jade and Jimmy as Mai.

Ben

That would have been way better. [laughs] That would have been way better!

NiNi

Hold on. Hold on. Let me finish. While I think that Tommy would have made a better Jade, I actually prefer Tutor’s Mai to what we probably might have gotten out of Jimmy. 

I have a lot of Cheewin feelings about this show, because some of the things that I enjoy about Cheewin is that he likes to examine artifice and performance, and the things that we're hiding when we put on these big personas and personalities. And he explores that through a lot of sometimes-cringey humor, which I really like. It's the Secret Crush on You thing. It's certain parts of Make It Right. It's certain bits of Bed Friend? 

Basically, Cheewin likes to look at artifice and then puncture it. Cheewin likes to look at what makes people present weird and unpack that, and he likes to unpack that using sex because I think that Cheewin thinks—and I kind of agree—that sex is a revelatory experience. I suppose you can hide while you're having sex, but it's incredibly difficult, especially if you feel something for the person that you're having sex with. I personally find it interesting to watch that. 

I think that this show was miscalibrated, and not just in the acting or the tone. Unlike a lot of people, I actually do like cringe humor and some of the slapstick that we get in Thai comedy. I actually enjoy that stuff. It doesn't put me off. I think that the way that Cheewin uses humor in Middleman's Love is way better than how he used it in Bed Friend, and how he built it in Bed Friend. I think that the humor here, the comedy here, has done better. I think that Yim is not great at the comedy, and since Yim's character is the central character of Middleman's Love, it doesn't work. 

Plus, the story doesn't need eight episodes and Ben and I often talk about when something's too long, because I like a long show—Ben does not. This story was eight episodes and I think it could have been done in four. I like parts of the show. I like some of the things that the show is trying to do. I think that it mostly does not succeed.

Ben

Shan, you watched the first episode. [laughs] You were horrified by bobble heads in the intro—

Shan

[moans] I still have nightmares.

Ben

—and the general cringey humor. And then you came back for the finale. How about you talk about your experience with this show?

Shan

Definitely accurate to say that I bounced hard off this show after watching the first episode, and I definitely wasn't alone in that. In talking to other people we know who are watching it, a lot of folks had that reaction. 

NiNi has already touched on why—the humor was not quite calibrated correctly, and the performer who had to hold up the whole show wasn't really up to the task, unfortunately. That's just what happened here. And so, for some of us, I think getting through that super uncomfortable cringe humor with a performer who wasn't quite able to carry it was just really difficult. 

I struggled through the first episode. The bobbleheads really got me off on a terrible start. I hated those fucking things [laughs]—they still haunt me. And just throughout, I didn't really understand what I was supposed to be taking from the way Jade was being presented to me. He didn't feel like a real person. It was way too much. I didn't understand why this hot guy in the office was supposed to be looking at him with interest, given what we had seen of him. It just wasn't computing for me and I wasn't buying it. 

I didn't intend to fully drop the show, but then the following week I left on a long trip. And while I was gone, I missed the next three episodes. By the time I got back, I was just like, “You know what? No, I'm not taking this back up. I'm just gonna wait and see what you all told me after it finished.” And so, I kind of knew the show wasn't for me, but I wasn't opposed to the idea of it. I like an ugly duckling story. I like a story about someone finding their confidence and being able to accept that they are worthy of love. Like, that's a worthwhile story to tell. And so I'm not anti-The Middleman's Love. It just didn't quite work for me. 

The show finished this week. I decided to come back and watch the finale, just to kind of see where it landed, and [laughs] I actually think that was a great way to watch the show. If you, like me, are just not into the show's style and humor, you can watch the first episode and then you can watch the last episode, and you really won't miss any narrative beats—like it's super clear. The plot is very straightforward. You will be able to pick up in the last episode and understand everything important that has happened, and why the characters are where they are now. And you'll get to see Jade and Mai kind of settle into this relationship. 

And I thought that was nice. I enjoyed watching the finale. I liked getting to see a Jade who had seriously toned down some of the quirks of the first episode—a Jade, who seemed a little bit more confident—but still the same character. And I really enjoyed what they did with the physical intimacy in this episode. 

First of all, let me just give a cautionary note. If you are not watching this show on iQIYI, you are not seeing the whole show. I watched the finale on Gaga and got to the end and was like, “Where are these sex scenes that I heard about?”

Ben

The trust that Shan has in me [Shan laughs] she watched the whole show cut and was like, “Ben would never lie to me about sex scenes.”

Shan

You told me there were sex scenes in this!

Ben

“He used the Rihanna GIF. There is sex in the show.” [laughs]

Shan

And I will find it! So I did find it. [NiNi laughs] I went to iQIYI and I found it. So definitely watch it there. 

But I loved what they did with it because they really used the intimacy scenes well to convey these two settling into their relationship to convey Jade over time becoming more comfortable with their physical intimacy—finding his own power in it, finding his own agency in it. The performers did a great job on those scenes. I was incredibly impressed by it, impressed by the show's ability to take those characters from point A to B like that. 

If this show maybe wasn't entirely for you—if you, like me, dropped it in the beginning—I'd say maybe dip back in for the finale and enjoy a good time.

Ben

I like the idea of Jade a lot. I like the idea of a character who's had negative experiences feeling like he doesn't get priority from his family, ‘cause he's not the oldest and he's not the baby, not expecting a whole lot. And I like the idea of Jade having two really fucking hot friends in King and Uea, and just getting used to people being more interested in them, so not really seeing himself as a priority. And then he had like one relationship where he was literally told, “You were so weird and disgusting that no one wants to be with you.” 

I kind of get it with Mai. It structurally works. Mai is very pretty. He's generally very good at his job. He's kind of charming, but not overwhelmingly so. He's just naturally very pretty and nice to people, and fairly amenable and good at what he does. And he's really into Jade because he thought Jade was really kind and competent the first time he saw him. The flavor of this could have been correct, but then, like, they added way too much sugar. It’s just not great as a result. 

It's frustrating because Cheewin's ideas, as they're exemplified through the characters created for this show in Gus and Tong—and what he does with Jade and Mail—work really well. But the show is unfortunately really inessential. The people who watched this show were coming from Bed Friend, and I don't feel like this show really plays well as a Bed Friend extension or side story sort of experience. I think a lot of people brought the wrong energy to this show, and it took us weeks of recalibration to find something meaningful in it. And I don't think it finishes strong, because while I appreciate Cheewin’s giving the gays an extended boyfriend epilogue, an hour of watching people just be kind of cute boyfriends with no real drama on the table is kind of boring to watch in a TV show? And there's way more drama in watching people try to be boyfriends and deal with the consequences of actually being together. 

There's a great moment where they talk about their past exes and what that means for them, what they're bringing to the current relationship. How they want to handle drama going forward. I thought that was really good. I thought the fact that Jade asked for sex was really good, and then he got it. I don't approve of Mai biting that man's motherfucking glasses—

NiNi 

[laughs] I approve!

Ben

—and then tossing them around.

Shan

Ben, he licked his glasses off! Licked! [NiNi laughs] It’s a very important detail! I don't want you to get it wrong!

NiNi

[laughs] Shan, I don't know about you but personally I approve.

Shan

I did approve. I was very into that!

Ben

I actually liked when Mail wore the glasses in the second sex scene we got.

NiNi

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shan

A lot of good glasses material in these scenes.

NiNi

Top-tier, absolutely no notes, no complaints there, none whatsoever.

Ben

This show was a lot of fun when it wanted to be. And when it wasn't, it kind of sucked. NiNi, you don't spend a lot of time in the pulps, but My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love? This is what the pulps are like. There are things that are worth talking about, and then there are things that are not. These shows are almost always kind of bad, but there's kind of something interesting that won't happen in the big network shows.

NiNi

I have been convinced into pulps before. I have enjoyed pulps before. We have discussed this before. I am not opposed to a good pulp, but it's gotta be a good pulp. The flaws of these two shows aside, I had a really good time with them, and I found things not just to enjoy, but also to give me a little bit to think about. Not like a ton to think about, granted, but they give me stuff to think about in both of these shows. And, for me, that's why I landed up more or less in the same place with them. 

I gave Middleman's Love a 7. I think that's a perfectly reasonable score for it.

Ben

I gave this show a 6, not because I think it's bad or necessarily boring, but as I've explained with my rating system before, a 6 means the show is not offensive but I really truly think the only people who gain value from giving this show the eight hours-plus that it asks for is people who really give a shit about BL as a genre.

NiNi

Shan, what about you? How are you rating your short version BL cut?

Shan

I mean, obviously I didn't fully watch the show properly, so take it with a grain of salt, but this feels like a 6 show to me. That's what my heart is telling me it's a six.

NiNi

I will allow y'all to fully average down to 6.5 under protest.

Ben

That's not how math works, but okay.

NiNi

Listen, we gave up on math a long time ago on this show. Okay, just accept it and move on.

Ben

I think 6.5 is fair.

NiNi

If you like cringe comedy, I'm not saying that this show does cringe comedy as well as some other shows have done cringe comedy. And I bring up here Secret Crush on You because it's by the same creator, and it is some pinnacle cringe comedy—like some fantastic cringe comedy—that is just not replicated here. But if you like cringe comedy, there's something in here for you. If you like Thai-style slapstick, there's something in here for you. 

That's all I'll say about it.

01:49:07 - Final Thoughts and Girl, You Tried

Ben

On to the final event: Girl, You Tried Winter 2023.

NiNi

So the Fall shows, there were some that tried and succeeded. They don't count for this award. Bye-bye, two-out-of-three Japanese BLs that we just talked about. So, My Personal Weatherman is in contention for Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Oh, then it wins.

NiNi

[laughs] Let's see what else we have here. We have Kiseki, which didn't try. Shan, do you think that Kiseki tried?

Shan

No, it did not try to be a coherent show. It cannot get the Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Thank you, Shan.

NiNi

So Kiseki is out of contention. Dangerous Romance sucked. It's not in contention for anything. Love in Translation is too good to be in contention for Girl, You Tried—that goes. Absolute Zero? Pfft, forget about it. My Dear Gangster Oppa, it definitely tried something.

Shan

Did it?

NiNi

I think it did. 

Ben

Hmm.

NiNi

Ben really just unmuted just to go “Hmm” and go back on mute. Okay, fine. It's going into contention. And Middleman's Love. I think Middleman's Love did try, and I think that the execution of it was off. Not that it was necessarily bad, but that it was off. So if I had to put a Girl, You Tried contest together right now, it would be between My Personal Weatherman and Middleman's Love. 

So, Shan, for you, very important vote now. My Personal Weatherman versus Middleman's Love for Girl, You Tried.

Shan

Oh, this is a hard one, ‘cause I think of the Girl, You Tried designation as, like, being for a show that got really close to being what it wanted to be—like almost got the execution right and then kind of just missed the mark. So for me, I think I'm going to have to give that to My Personal Weatherman between these two shows. I think it did have ambitions, and I think it did know what it wanted to be with clarity, and it just fell a little short on the execution. Whereas, I think Middleman's Love was a little bit messier and didn't have as clear of a vision of what it was doing?

NiNi

Okay, that's one for My Personal Weatherman. Ben, I already know your answer, but come on. Explain it to the people.

Ben

Hello, people. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

So when we were first planning this episode, the Girl, You Tried debate was between My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love, but I didn't realize how much I fucking hated My Dear Gangster Oppa until we got here and I was talking about it. And I was, like, “You know what, actually.” 

I would have given it to Middleman's Love because Cheewin was trying to do the things that he likes to do, but now that you put My Personal Weatherman in contention, I gotta give it to that one. I think My Personal Weatherman is trying things that are harder to do than Middleman's Love. I think the ideas of that show are way more cogent, and easier to access and have a conversation about with people than something like Middleman's Love.

NiNi

Okay, so for me, if I had to choose who attempted the higher degree of difficulty, it would be Middleman's Love. It's a high wire act. It's so easy to fall off. If I have to think about who got closer to their intentions, I would say it's My Personal Weatherman. 

Girl, You Tried has a criterion, which is a strong premise with some sort of flaw/failure in the execution. But it has also become somewhat of a personal Rorschach test for us as we go through the shows, and attempt to unpack what it is that we think they did well, what it is we think they did badly, what it is we enjoyed and didn't enjoy. And that enjoyment component does have something to do with how we end up on a Girl, You Tried. 

If they're tied right now based on those other criteria, and I have to think about what I personally enjoyed more, I would have to give it to Middleman's Love. 

Shan and Ben outvote me. Boohoo. I'm gonna go cry about it.

Ben

I don't want to walk away from this particular recording pretending like I don't like Middleman's Love. The spirit inside of it is worth acknowledging.

Shan

I think both of these shows are worthy of talking about as shows that tried to do somethin’. I think for me, My Personal Weatherman just gets a little bit closer there and it's doing a little bit more.

NiNi

I think that's a good place to leave it, so that's going to wrap us up on Tens and Chops, our first ever full grab bag episode. So this is Volume One, hopefully with many more to come. 

Next up, the VIIB Awards. I'm looking forward to that. I'm excited. 

Anyway, we out. Say “bye” to the people, Ben. 

Ben

Peace! 

NiNi

Shan, say “bye” to the people.

Shan

Bye, people.

#podcast #lgbtq #kiseki: dear to me #dangerous romance #love in translation #i cannot reach you #kimi ni wa todokanai #my personal weatherman #taikan yoho #if it's with you #kimi to nara koi wo shite mite mo #absolute zero #my dear gangster oppa #middleman's love #season 5 #winter series #ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #on art #thai bl #bl series #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #Spotify

[amive2567]

Ingredients: Katsuki Bakugou x GN!Reader (fem bodied)

Contains: angst, death, reader dies, fluff to angst, mental problems/illness, suicidal thoughts, some dark stuff, pregnancy and a child,

Type of order: coffee (Angst), cupcake (oneshot), small hot chocolate (bit of fluff)

Words: 3259

A/n: I wanted to write angst again, so there it is. A special form this time. Diary entries. I hope you like it :) I recomend listening to All I want by Kodaline for the more painfull experience. ( I don't know how to put songs properly into a post so it looks a bit big, I am sorry)

Masterlist

3579, Musutafu city, Endeavor agency

Hi, shitty book,

today we started our internship at the agency of icy hot`s dad. He is a dipshit, what he did to his family is absolutely crucial, but he is a strong-minded old bastard and an awfully good hero. (But All-Might is far better). He dragged us through whole Musutafu only to tell me how weak I am. Pah, but at least shitty Deku is worse (he didn’t tell us this but I am sure he is). Well, now we get to the point where things get interesting. We met other hero students from Ketsubutsu high. They had their internship at Backdraft’s fire brigade. They were trying to extinguish a burning office building but to no avail. Then the most beautiful person stepped in front, and without our interference, they just extinguished the fire. They were so talented it took my breath away and their H/C hair was just magnificent. (Don’t you dare call me a simp now, because I am not). Well anyways, they were pretty decent locking. We, or Endeavor, talked with Backdraft to discuss the incident. Icy hot, Deku and I just waited, but the shitty nerd had the brilliant idea to talk to this person. Of course, I had to talk to them first. So I shoved Deku aside and started talking to them. I got a lot of information about them, they are annoying and a chatterbox. At least they are kind and somehow stubborn. Their name is Y/N. I hope I will never meet them again. Another person similar to Kirishima would be a pain in my ass.

See ya

3581, Musutafu city, My house

Well, a book full of shitty feelings, I need to tell you a lot. It’s been two years. Shigaraki, AFO, and their goons had to put our world into misery. We fought in a fucking war with 17 and now I feel like an old man. At least all of our classmates survived, even Izuku. The last two years were a rollercoaster of emotions, I really realized now that my behavior was wrong and I put the nerd's life into misery, because of me he has an inferiority complex. I apologized and he accepted, even though he shouldn't have. I was a horrible person, treated people shitty just to get my own will. I nearly died, but who cares. Well after those horrible years, every one of us was forced to go to this stupid psych doctor, and since then I have been a bloody weakling. I cry more often than I want to admit. Argh, it pisses me off. Even though these years have been shitty, I finally met Y/N again. They got more handsome/pretty than before, and we’re visiting the same doc for our shitty PTSD and stuff. Every time after a session we met up for a small snack in a newly built coffee shop. They enjoy strawberry frappes with extra whipped cream. Horribly sweet is the best, according to them. We become something like friends, but I hate this. I don’t want to be friends with them. It just doesn't fit. They probably think I am shit anyways.

They make my heart race, and my cheeks flush red whenever I see them. They make me go insane, I always have those dreams of us kissing under the stars, but somehow they are in a relationship. Argh, so annoying. Well then we have to be friends I guess, I am not that shitty to let them cheat on their partner. I am so jealous, but I suppress it.

Bye.

3581, Musutafu city, Coffee shop

Good news, or bad news. I don't know. I guess it's good for me but not for them. Their partner cheated on them and accordingly, I am the only friend they have. I swear to god I will find this stupid person and blow them up. How can someone cheat on someone so goddamn great? I would never. Besides that, I could never. One look at them and I am over the moon. I never imagined that I would ever talk about someone this cheesy, but they made me spineless. Only when I am with them of course, I do still kick villains in their asses. Maybe one day, when they are healed from this incident I will tell them, but for now, I will be their supportive friend. I am on patrol at the moment, so I have to get going.

Bye

3581 Musutafu City, My house

Hello,

today Yn and I are visiting Izuku and Uraraka, to get some friendship bonding done, or as they call it a double date. Pathetic, we arent even dating. How could they call it this when they are the only couple. Anyways, we are going to an adventure park and I hate this. The huge rollercoasters make me feel uncomfortable. It's way too fast and too high. Just no, it's awful. But I don't want to look weak, even if I learned that expressing my feelings is not a bad thing. I am a hero. I shouldn't be scared of some shitty rollercoaster.

It was the most shitty experience I ever had. We rode the scariest rollercoaster in the park, and everyone fucking enjoyed it and I was screaming like a baby. So embarrassing. Y/N needed to comfort me, I enjoyed it but still. That's so weak of me. It's my job to protect them, not the other way around. I wish I wasn't such a weak and pathetic being. Well no I stop with the self-pity, that's even worse. I even didn't tell them what I feel for them, I was just so overwhelmed that I forgot it.

I fucking hate my pathetic ass.

3581 Musutafu City, My house

The Therapist wanted to see me more often, because of some sort of relapse. He doesn't have any clue what he's talking about. I am fine. Nothing bothers me, I just hate myself, what's the problem. I always did and I always will there is nothing to worry about. It's not like I want to die or something. Even though after some missions I think I should have died. YN got hurt last week. She only had a small concussion, but it was all my fault. I should have been hurt instead of them. According to my therapist, journaling and continuing to write in this shitty diary should make me feel better, but I don't feel any better. I still feel guilty for all the people I can't and couldn't save. I am supposed to rescue them. I am a soldier, not a whiny little brat. I haven't talked to Yn since they got out of that creepy hospital. They have this sad look on their face every time they see me and my heart breaks every time I see them, but if I would still talk to them and continue having feelings I would only hurt them. I just can't protect them, it would be better if I never met them.

Bye

3581, Mustafa city, Explosion agency

Yn confronted me today and to be honest they are so attractive when they are angry. They yelled at me for ignoring them for the past few months. I told them everything that I felt for them and what I thought would be the best. Even though they were furious about not telling them earlier, they comforted me (once again) telling me that I am not a God. I can't save everyone and it's not my job to do so, even though it's sad it's true. They promised to stay in my life and reassured me that they could handle themselves. After that I found a bit of hope, we skipped the talking phase and went over to dating. I listen to the advice of my therapist and try to do the things he tells me. It improved my mental state and I can now cope with little mistakes during missions. I no longer want to do reckless things to get hurt and I started to sleep better. I am currently reflecting on my childhood and improving things. I honestly tried to clean up my mistakes from my past. I talked with my mother about this and told her that I need a break from her. Yn was always by my side during these times. They are the right ones and I want to marry them, but that's something for the future. But for now, we need to heal our souls and become financially stable.

See you soon

3584 Hawaii, Our hotel

It's been a while, hasn't it? I haven't written in ages but now as I am finally mentally stable again, I thought about writing down what happens in my life and using this diary as an actual diary and not just some sort of self therapies. You will never guess what happened. I finally had the guts to ask Yn if they wanted to marry me and they said yes. I am so happy. They make me happy. Our wedding was incredible. Kirishima, my best man, put together an amazing speech. I tried to hide it, but I sobbed a bit. My favorite part was the wedding dance. That was when I realized I finally married the most perfect person in the whole world. Our vows were heartfelt and I will always remember them. I will remember how wonderful they locked. I will definitely glue a photo of our wedding onto this book.

At the moment we are on our honeymoon and I can't stop feeling happy. All the happiness that I never experienced, I experience now. Yn really makes me happy, their smart ass, their romantic side, their angry side, and everything else is what I love about them. Without them, my life would probably still be dark and sad. They lit my life on fire and I hope it will never extinguish. Never tell them I said that or well wrote it. They will tease me for being cheesy. We are thinking about starting a family, but for now, we will have a happy life together and when we have kids we still are as happy as we are now.

Bye for now, we will have some time for ourselves.

3585, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

I am back to write again and we finally got a dog and for my misfortune a cat. (Yn wanted it and they always get what she wants it's annoying, their puppy eyes can screw themselves) This bastard of a cat always wants to be pet. It just wants me probably because I am so hot (wink wink). Yn is happy with this shitty cat and sometimes I think that they love this animal more than me. It can be only one in this household to receive all their love and it's going to be me.

Another happy news is that Yn is finally pregnant. We don't know the sex yet but it doesn't matter anyway because we will love it unconditionally. The baby bum is not to be seen yet and no one knows because of the risky three months but I am so excited for our little monster. I should be careful how I call our little baby or Yn will scold me again for calling it a monster. Even though our little munchkin isn't even born yet, I love this child with everything I have. I never thought domestic life was something for me, but it indeed is. I would never do something different.

I will update you when our baby is born. See ya

3586, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

It's a girl. YAY. We finally can hold our little one. The birth was horrifying. Yn was screaming the whole time and they crushed my hand. I was so afraid that something would go wrong, but yn did so well. I love them both so much, my heart bursts with love and happiness at the moment. I really changed, haven't I? If I could tell my fifteen-year-old self that I would love my family and live a domestic life he would probably laugh and cringe. These past months, no years, since yn is by my side, were just too good to be true. It's like a dream come true. My feelings are flying all around and I don't feel like myself. Kiri already calls me soft. I am not soft, I just learned how to love correctly and how to express my true feelings. Hero work will now be extra difficult, I don't want to worry my little sunshine. She deserves the world and I want to live for her and guarantee her a beautiful life without pain (even though that might be hard).

I am the happiest man alive.

3589, Musutafu City, Bakugou household

My little girl can crawl now, and it's a pain in the ass. She is always on tour, through the house. Yn and I are always on track to keep her safe and it's exhausting. This little bundle is full of life and we can't get a hold of her. To be honest I hope she never loses this kind of liveliness. This child really is fulfilling my life. Hero work is getting more and more stressful, because of this one idiot who thinks he can just walk around and poison people, which results in many deaths. I hope I can fight him, to guarantee my little girl that she can live in safety. This bastard is causing a lot of losses among the heroes. Even Izuku doesn't know how to approach this fucking piece of shit. We will fight him at all costs. My girl will grow up in safety, I don't want her to experience the things I had to go through, the war, the abuse, the self-hatred, the depression, and all the other shitty stuff. A happy and fulfilled life is what she deserves.

It's getting late and I really should go to sleep, or Yn will drag me to bed, shouting at me for having a bad sleeping schedule. Even though they stay up all night to watch these ridiculous romance animes.

See ya

3595, Musutafu City , Hospital

It's been a while. There are some good news I suppose and a lot of bad ones. Our daughter got enrolled in first grade. She is really happy and bubbly just like Yn. Seeing her growing up lets my heart ache. One day she will grow up and become a successful and beautiful woman. I am glad that the current political situation is too hard to, understand for her, but I still notice that her parents are stressed and busy, but she still tries to cheer us up. Truly, she is an angel. The villain I told you about…. appeared and killed more than 100 people by now. We could get a chance on fighting him, but he couldn't get caught. Yn got hit by his quirk…. it is still not sure if the poison is out of their blood system, but it doesn't look good. They didn't wake up in the last 4 hours since the incident happened, but I need to be hopeful. They can't die, not now. Our daughter just got into school. I can't lose them. They are the light of my life. I just overcame the last rock bottom, I can't survive another one. Without them, the world would be dark and even our daughter could never fill the void that Yns death would leave. Even though I don't believe in god, I hope that some high might save them. I just want to take them home and continue living my life. The fight was hard and I couldn't even protect them. I was useless, just like I've always been. We still wished us luck to get out there safely, but we didn't kiss or said the typical I love you. I regret it so much. I want to turn back time, to say everything I want them to know. I love them so much, it is sometimes unbearable and without her, I would never have become the man I am now.

I will have to have hope, they will make it out alive.

3600, Musutafu, Bakugou house

They didn't make it. They died weeks after I wrote the entry. I couldn't tell you back then. I was, no I am a broken man. Only a shadow of the person I was. Their death had made me into the monster I was before I met them, I am coldhearted and stoic. I don't see the purpose in life anymore. Every day the pain clung to me like a nasty shadow. I want this to end, but I can't since Dn will suffer even more. Losing her parent took her bright soul away, and she now tends to become like me, and I really hope I can change that. I am a horrible person. She shouldn't be like me. She should be like Yn, kind, smart, brilliant, and overall wonderful. Maybe it's because I miss Yn so much that I want our daughter to be their replacement or it's my wish. I can't separate these thoughts anymore. I think I want both. Everything is beyond pointless in this life. Getting up, bringing Dn to school, and going to work. This cycle is more exhausting now than ever, there is no happy person to come home to anymore. No one asks what villain you kicked into jail or questions about the students from UA, who are doing their internships. I just want my happy domestic life back and my partner. I miss them so much, it's unbearable. It would be just better if I could be with them. It would be better If I died...

3601, Musutafu city, Bakugou house

I took revenge. The bastard who killed Yn is dead. I killed him with my bare hands. To protect my daughter and all the other citizens. I felt fulfilled for one second, but then I realized that this act would never give me Yn back. It was pointless. at least I got also hit with his quirk before he died. I am so sorry Dn for dying and leaving you completely alone, but I also couldn't continue this life without Yn. I hope you can forgive me... I want you to be yourself and fight for the things you believe in. I want you to be the best of yourself. Please don't be sad for too long. I was never the dad that you deserved. I hope Kirishima will take care of you...

Her weak finger caressed the blood stains on the wrinkled paper.

Tears clouded her vision as she closed the orange notebook. Her uncle patted her on the back and tried to hold her close. “Your dad really loved them. I am sorry. He just really loved Yn. The villain released him from his agony. It's not your fault you were so little you weren't able to protect them.” he tried to comfort her. But comforting was unnecessary. Her parents are dead, killed by a crazy poisoned guy. She hated this guy, even though her father already killed him. The diary should have been some kind of present from her uncle, but it felt like a curse. The rain pattered o both of them “Let's go inside or we will catch a cold. We can visit them tomorrow.” Kirishima grabbed her by her arm and got her away from the graveyard.

#ami writes #mha #bnha #mha x gender neutral reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha x gnreader #bnha x gn!reader #mha angst #bnha angst #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou angst #katsuki bakugou x reader angst #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #angst #Spotify