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emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

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17, 21, and 24 for the OTP ask? 😁

Well, hello, friend! I shall answer for that is DUTY! >:D

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other?

I did answer this one in another ask, but I can think of a few more to share! (I got so much for these two, don't worry~)

So, another thing that reminds Fane of Solas is any kind of painting, namely frescos. Surprise, surprise! But the reasoning is mainly because Fane used to dream of frescos painted in a temple, one he always finds himself traversing in his dreams in the earlier years of his life. The style was nostalgic, impeccable, as if the hand that had held the brush was fixated on getting every line, every detail, every color, and every proportion just right. The paintings were like little anecdotes, way points trying to guide him in a direction with paint and plaster, but the story was always left unfinished, and it isn't until all the memories flood back that Fane realizes who was the artist of his dreams. *winks*

Now, I'm not usually one for 'smell' references, but oddly enough, Solas is reminded of Fane through one. Namely, chamomile. This was something I thought of one day when I was fighting with a headache and I was just watching a Twitch stream, and I was like, "Chamomile is a natural stress reliever. Fane doesn't like tea, but there are bath oils and incenses infused with chamomile, right? He would definitely be given that by someone or maybe even takes initiative to get it himself." Thus, the headcanon was established! Fane smells like chamomile, and Solas can't help but smile when he smells it from another source, knowing that his dragon is trying to help himself in some way.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

So, there's a little bit of A and little bit of B for this question. There has indelibly been a positive influence on both Fane and Solas due to each other. Basically, it all stems from pre-Inquisition, aka Elvhenan/Arlathan.

Fane, as a dragon, was inherently tasked with observing elvenkind, watching the flow of which they progressed and if their machinations benefited the world in which they lived. Each dragon had this inherent task, albeit in different ways. Dragons that lived in arid regions were tasked with controlling the sandscape, preserving the ancient temples by covering them with said sand, making inaccessible areas accessible for wildlife, so on, so forth.

Fane, and the others of his specific kin, not only watched the Elvhen, they guided them, but only if it was deemed necessary. White dragons could not want for anything beyond what the world needed, and their powers of absorbing, reflecting, and understanding emotions was what made them highly sought after by the Evanuris. When the Evanuris began enslaving elves, they began enslaving dragons, too. And this is around the time Solas and Fane met; when Fane was the last of his white kin. Fane had gone into recluse, hiding; he turned his back on those who were suffering because he couldn't bear to see them be subjected to magic bending and breaking their minds, turning their eyes grey where they were otherwise a multitude of colors. Solas found him through a curious venture as we all know the dear wolf is prone to curiosity.

Their beginnings were rough. Fane tried multiple, multiple times to kill Solas. He saw him as no different than those who had thus far enslaved his kin. He held anger, rage, resentment, and pride, which warped his nature of calm observation and cool acceptance to preemptive prejudice and scornful indifference. Fane stopped caring; about everything. Solas reached out to him, wanted to help him, and for the sake of keeping things somewhat short, they grew close after constant revisits and...silence. Solas allowed Fane to watch him, learn about him, read his eyes, and in turn, Fane began to open up, rediscover his original nature, and learn about another side from a more personal view. Solas taught Fane that nothing can change or return to what they had been unless he tried, and he did, even though it ended poorly. And even though it takes him twenty-four years and a lot of hardship, Fane finally remembers that important lesson and he's forever grateful, even as they walk onto the same stage that burned before.

Now, Fane has helped Solas do something we all know the dear wolf is a bit hesitant to do, and that's show his emotions. I stated once upon a time that my interpretation of Solas a little more...personal. Basically, I'm exploring a side of Solas that we don't really get to see, and that's an emotional one. My stories encompass a lot of emotion, a lot of grey morality, so I try to do that while keeping Solas in character with how we know him. However, with this AU of mine, Solas is more in touch with his emotions when with Fane. Why? Because Fane did what he was tasked with from birth; he guided. Through silent looks and seemingly disgruntled huffs, Fane allowed Solas to open up, to feel safe when every corner held a knife.

He let him be him. Not the Dread Wolf. Not the Rebel God. Not anything more than what he was naturally, and that was a being who needed to let their emotions go as freely as the magic so intertwined with their nature. They were friends, companions, even though they were two completely different species, and for all intents and purposes, enemies. They loved each other, but couldn't say it. After Fane died, Solas locked up again, kept his emotions sealed away, but when Fane reappeared in his life, both unknowing of who the other was, it all came back so easily, so fluidly. And what you'll see in a lot of my stories of Solas and Fane's early acquaintanceship in Inquisition is that they flow, they let the other be weak even though they don't want to be weak.

As for how they change each other for the worse...well, that ties into a lot of what I have planned during Post-Trespasser arcs. My stories are 'fix-its', but again, grey morality. There's a happy ending, but not without opposition first and a lot of hard lessons. Solas and Fane will do shit that makes people go, "Why?!", but aren't we already saying that with what Solas canon-wise is doing? Why not add an Inquisitor into the mix and live the fantasy we weren't allowed to choose?

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Okay, so Fane's isn't what you'd think it is. You all know me, I like to go, 'You thought not! AHA! >:D'. Most people who've read my stories might think, "Oh, Fane has to forgive Solas for erecting the Veil because it's driving his kin insane." That makes sense, but it's not what Fane has had to forgive Solas for. Fane has had to forgive Solas for doubting him.

What I mean by this is that Solas tries to steer Fane away from helping him (Look! It's canon after all! XD). And mainly it's because Solas sees Fane thriving in this new life, connecting with people, seeing the world from a different perspective, and so he starts to think that Fane wouldn't want to help him. Which is complete bullshit because Fane, even when Solas tries to gently steer him away, is like, "I'm here. I'm not going to abandon you again." But typical Solas is typical Solas and is weighed down with grief and his doubts, but eventually he relents after a dragon fight. I won't say when this will occur, but...yeah. It's a bad time, and it shows Solas that Fane wasn't thriving as well as he'd thought. It takes a bit, but Fane comes to understand why Solas was trying to guide him away, and it helps when you're a stubborn dragon in love with a stubborn wolf! :D

Now for Solas, I have a little excerpt from a short story (the one I've been sharing a lot in tag games!). It kind of gives a basis of what Fane can sometimes do when he's not thinking or if he doesn't talk to Solas.

***

“F..Fane..!”, Solas growled out, a surge of heat invading his head as he felt his dragon’s dormant fury within his soul. It was thrashing, knocking, pounding against the confines of their link, wishing to be set free through him and his actions.

“This is..ugh..important, dammit!”, Fane grunted out as Solas was finally starting to push back, as well as his own minor discomfort with the magic that was slowly building around them.

“Then..ngh..speak of it!”, Solas snapped, feeling something like a pinch against his mind before that sensation ricoheted outwards, a lesser burst of magic managing to separate their bodies, but not their tethered souls. “Hiding in your mind only inflicts more harm!”, he almost yelled, his mind clouding with unusual rage. He was never ruffled this easily, but this wasn’t him, was it?

No, this was Fane, or more accurately, Fane’s mind. And it was red hot with fury.

He watched with slightly haggard breathing as Fane slid back a few feet, a grimace on his face from the smell of ozone, but shook it off easily. Now fully golden eyes glared with steamy ferocity upon him, a broad chest heaving with Veil born ire and excitement at finally having a challenge. Solas straightened himself a bit, clearing his throat as the distance between their bodies allowed him to think a bit more clearly, but he could still feel the thread that connected them intensely.

“Ma’isenatha, please--”, Solas attempted to reach the unhinged being before him, even as he could feel his own mind beginning to cloud again as Fane stalked towards him. They needed to cease this dance before one of them got hurt or insanely ill!

“Quit…”, the fuming dragon began before whipping the staff in his hand around in a near perfect arc towards him. “..talking!”, he snarled furiously, deftly hitting the other end of the staff with his wrist to cut off its intended path for a shorter route.

Solas was a bit curious by the adept usage, but shuffled that thought away quickly to block the blow that was inevitably aimed for his jaw. Now wasn’t the time to ruminate! As much as he loathed to admit it, and encourage it, there was only one way out of this foolish scenario!

“Enough!”, a cry harboring necessary command releasing from his lips, making the link between them snap like a bowstring. “Ngh..!” The heady, harsh sensation had the air leaving his lungs before he swept one end of his staff upwards without volition, missing his mark by a hair. He blinked when the sensation eased off, grimacing as he stared at the staff poised just next to Fane’s face, precisely at the point where his scar was. How ironic, but he knew what was happening now with that.

The involuntary reaction had been too planned, too memory bound. It was like when they had viciously fought as Haven burned with fire and corruption, and he had had no choice but to wound the otherwise perfect face before him - a deep scar left on his left cheek from his staff blade. His arms had been wrapped, then strung up in invisible bonds that radiated desperate heat and furious rage, guiding them to repeat the action due to a desire for something unsaid.

In simple terms, he was being controlled by emotions alone - emotions that were not his own.

“Interesting.”, Solas said, but narrowed his eyes upon the fierce man. “Emotions are your strings.”, he pointed out, more realization dawning on him as to where all these minor outbursts, sudden movements, and disorienting sensations were coming from. Fane..

...was manipulating emotions, guiding them to the destination he desired.

Fane’s eyes narrowed, emerald reappearing to deepen with rage as tufts of his hair fluttered from the air behind his swipe. “I’m intervening.”, the draconic side of his love coming out in full bloom now.

“Why?” He issued it as more a command than a true question. He was mildly miffed by this usage of abilities, but he needed context to decipher why Fane had thought this was necessary. It was unusual and worrying for him to use them like this.

“It’s necessary.”, Fane said with a flat tone, but there was fire crackling beneath its supposed embers, as well as the deep emerald gaze bearing down upon him before he twisted his staff upwards to once again aim under his chin. Solas dodged the movement by an inch, feeling the amount of force behind it with air alone.

His dragon was steadily losing his control, and it wouldn’t be long until he was truly unhinged.

“Fane!”, Solas met the glare with one that felt just as furious as he called out, but finally began to retaliate, no longer wishing to play on the defensive and draw this out longer. “Very well..”, he said lowly, gripping the staff tightly as he pressed in harder, matching Fane’s footwork step for step as their blows connected with near splintering cracks. “...if you are so..”, a harsh crack of their staves reverberating through the air. “...intent on not speaking of what troubles you, then I will make it so you have no choice but to!”

A long, muscled leg nearly knocked into one of his knees as it swept under him, its pace incredibly fast for something intended to withstand punishment. It was like a dragon’s tail as it swept aside massive boulders, and uprooted century old trees.

Fane let out a gasping laugh. “You’re still..ngh..t..talking?!”, he roared, snowy brows furrowed in growing pain as sweat began to form along a lightly flushed temple, hand trembling where it nearly snapped his staff in half.

“I am doing what you refuse to do!” A jab with his staff nearly connected with a muscled arm, but it went through the gap between itself and the toned body it was attached to. “Gh..!”, he winced as he felt a sharp yank on his mind, as well as the staff in his hands as Fane grabbed a hold of it to pull him forward harshly.

The world halted suddenly, its furious, heated pace slightly cooled as their gazes connected, all sound flushing out to where the only sound was their combined, harsh breathing. Emerald and gold swam, ebbed around each other like a phylactery did with its magical blood as the face that bore them was lax in stunned silence, sweat trickling down flush cheeks before it would disappear along a strong neck. Solas felt his face was no better, feeling how droplets of sweat rolled down the sides of his face and how his mouth was slightly agape as he fought for a shred of breath.

What was...going on? This feeling, like their desires were coalescing, taking shape before them like spirits shaped the Fade around them...it was intoxicating, comforting, and serene amid the furious battle they had been engaged in moments before. Their link was still there, but it was soft, velvet against his mind as the gentle essence wrapped around it in an embrace.

It was no longer painted...red.

“Hnn..”, Solas let out a quiet sigh, breath hitching after as the blanket around him became warmer, silken. When had it shifted? He hadn’t been aware because of rage painting the world before him in crimson..

“Too...much..”, he heard Fane whisper out between pants, but it was more to himself than to Solas. “...You shouldn’t feel that like I do.. Shit..”

Solas blinked a bit to reorient himself, the softness of his mind making it hard to think before he saw Fane’s face near inches from his, the hand that had grabbed his staff now making itself known upon the back of his neck, steadying him. When had that gotten there?

“What..”, Solas started, closing his eyes for a moment as the world spun for a second before reopening to try again. “What..was that?”

“My mind.”, Fane muttered, eyes flitting across his face worriedly. “I didn’t think..”, he trailed off with a light growl as brilliant eyes turned downcast. “I fucked up… I’m sorry...”

***

So, yeah. It doesn't take Solas long to forgive Fane, but when he first demonstrates just how dangerous his abilities can be and actively uses them to manipulate our wolf gets a little miffed. Solas wants Fane to use his voice more, and these are moments in which Fane doesn't and taps into that warped perception of himself; the one that got him killed.

#oc asks #asks #oc: fane lavellan #solas #solavellan #dragon age #sorry for how insanely long this is!#i just have so much nuanced crap for these two that I get carried away XD #and forgive if the excerpt is a bit...sloppy. it's still a wip! :3 #there's also a lot of stuff that i'm just playing with in regards to Fane and Solas but i know the basis of how they operate X3 #thank you again! <3

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uwunnie · 4 years

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Hello, everyone.

To recap: There are new fans, and old fans as well as recently turned fans, who truly believe you have to choose Monsta X or Wonho otherwise you’re not a “real” fan. It has reached a point where toxic idiocy is spewed all over Twitter — not really that surprising, but still very annoying — and it has now reached Tumblr; the one place I felt was pretty neutral.

Initially, I wasn’t going to say anything because I felt like it’d only add to the drama. However, as time passes, I see the fandom heading into a direction that is very...well, doomed. Of course, this is merely my opinion and I don’t really expect anyone to hold it to a high regard because I am not God, nor do I believe I am a God-like figure. However, I do think I can still state my opinion upon the matter and try to shed some knowledge that may be utilized positively.

Before I begin, I’m going to try and insert a ‘Read More,’ but should I not be able to make it to a laptop in time before my patience completely disappears, I will tw it as a “long post.” If you dislike long posts and don’t have them filtered, though, and this pops up on your dash and annoys you — I apologize, kinda.

Anyways, let’s go.

—

I don’t really know what happened. Or well, I do, unfortunately.

In the beginning, Monbebes stuck together. We all came together and showed our support as a united body of like-minded individuals who shared their love and support for Monsta X — whether they were seven or individual.

Things went well. Petitions were signed. Billboards were funded. Zoo’s were created.

But at some point, Monbebes began idolizing other Monbebes — and I don’t mean looking up to sensible fans, but ones who are problematic.

Allow to me to repeat this to avoid misunderstandings: It’s okay to look up to fans who are NOT problematic. It really is — be friends with them, aspire to be more like them, I don’t care; do you so long as it’s positive.

But....but....to choose problematic fans to look up to? To choose ones who are known to fetishize a culture? To choose ones who are known, and praised, to fetishize sexualities? To choose ones who provide false hope in exchange for clout while simultaneously invading REAL people’s lives?

Yeah, that’s where everything went wrong.

The wrong people built platforms and their voices were, inevitably, elevated. Everyone began dividing and forming cliques in the name of “unity.” Everyone began losing sight of the big picture — the big picture being a positive resolution.

People stated they wanted a positive outcome, but only if it was on their terms.

Greed. Greed. Greed.

Selfishness replaced selflessness.

Various Monbebes began inserting themselves into the narrative as if it was their own personal emotions that mattered more than Monsta X’s — and that’s not to devalue anyone’s feelings, but I mean...it’s the boys who were directly affected by what happened.

Wonho was the one who had to receive backlash for past events that don’t equate his worth.

Shownu’s voice was silenced despite being a victim to sexually implicit lies and harassment.

Minhyuk sacrificed his own emotions and began keeping hardships to himself.

Kihyun was forced into voicing over his friend’s song lyrics, and is also continually made fun of despite him speaking out and asking fans to not refer to him as “small” and “tiny.”

Hyungwon received, and continues to bear, backlash because certain fans think he’s a liar and also like to criticize him for being “lazy” as if the dude doesn’t work his ass off every day.

Jooheon’s mental health issues were pushed under the rug by many people within the fandom and as soon as he returned, various fans demanded he work more — try harder, be louder and more energetic.

Changkyun’s emotions were disregarded — many fans stating he has an “attitude problem” and seems cold despite the dude literally trying to make everyone around him happy and also sticking up for Monbebes.

Monsta X, regardless of the number, were all continuously pushed past their limits; treated as machines and play-things rather than human beings.

And this is only what has been shown to us. Think about everything that’s transpired that we haven’t seen.

—

I understand that those months were hard, I really do. I was right there with everyone not getting any sleep and trying to balance school, work, projects, etc. I understand it was very emotionally upsetting and I am not devaluing anyone’s feelings because I know it was hard.

But a line has to be drawn.

There has to be a realization that it is Monsta X who has endured the worst of the entire situation. It is not fair to say that the fans had it worse when MX’s actual jobs, lives, health, and futures were all tampered with, endangered, and victimized.

And to top it off — as positive of a resolution that could be made in the situation has been met and people continue to complain.

I understand it may not be ideal — everyone wanted them to come together as seven again and I know how disheartening it is that that isn’t an option right now, but...they’re still here.

Wonho get’s to continue with his career. He can still interact and talk to us. He can do what he wants — I mean, the dude literally has a whole Instagram account to himself when it took a year or two, maybe more, just for SSE to give MX personal cell phones.

The six active members get to continue as well. They released an album that is more than likely going to be nominated for a golden disc award and they’re all, seemingly, recovering. They’ve been able to vacation and from the looks of it, the company is going a little easier on them with their schedules — in a way.

In other words: All seven of them are content.

And for the fandom, we still get to see them. We get to listen to their voices and see their faces. We get to interact with them and watch new shows, etc.

They’re still here — and honestly? It’s a miracle.

Do you know how hard it is for a people to continue considering what transpired? How unusual it is for an artist to be able to overcome legal battles that usually deem unfavorable in the position he was in?

I’ve been in the Kpop fandom for nearly 12 or 13 years now and this is the first time I’ve ever seen legal cases turn out okay for an idol.

History was made and a positive resolution was met, but yet — hardly anyone wants to celebrate.

Instead, a big chunk of the fandom now wants to dive into more drama — separate Monbebes and Wenees from each other and build more cliques.

Say stupid shit like “you’re not a real fan if you only support Monsta X” and “you’re not a real fan if you only support Wonho.”

“Wenees are superior.”

“Monbebes are superior.”

“Wenees love Wonho!”

“Monbebes love Monsta X, and Monsta X only!”

“Let’s listen to boycottbebes!”

“Let’s listen to problematic tarotbebes!”

“Let’s listen to akgaes!”

Just...shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up.

—

I hate to break it to everyone who believes the quotes above, but we are all the same.

Monbebes are Wenees, and Wenees are Monbebes.

There is no competition.

There is no Monsta X without Hoseok, and there is no Hoseok without Monsta X.

—

You cannot hate the root and only love the flower just like you cannot hate the flower and be fascinated by its roots. In the same regard, a leaf cannot hate another upon the stem because to do so would be the leaf despising itself.

—

TL;DR: Stop the fan wars before you ruin damn near six years of love and (relatively abundant) peace.

#i have said my peace #tw: long post

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treeni · 4 years

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Sanders Side Theory: Creativity’s Name and Roman’s Struggles

Theories Masterpost

Well, apparently some people were interested in my Orange side theory and stuff.

So let’s talk about “King Creativity” and why I disagree with every name theory I’ve seen so far and what I think instead. I’m not certain “King Creativity” is ever going to be named in the show, just knowing he existed is probably enough, but wouldn’t it be fantastic if there was a backstory episode? Or even aside episode?

First! Let’s start with the fact that I actually think it’s really interesting that everyone’s defaulting to Creativity being “King” when it is in fact Emperors who ruled Rome. Not a criticize, just interesting thought. Second, Kings were supposed to sit back and let their knights and armies basically do all of the physical work (Unless your Arthur, but it usually got him into trouble so! Moving on!) while you lead them as whatever supreme ruler title you take. However, a Crowned Prince was often at the head of said adventures and battles, in the thick of it all, but was basically indisputably the accepted next in line. (Approved by the courts and all that jazz, I mean historically it didn’t always go that way, but that was the intention). However, a regular Prince and a Duke could absolutely have a power struggle, especially in the situation where the Duke was previously “next in line” before the Prince’s birth. So if Roman and Remus ever did duke it out (also mini theory that Remus chose Duke for the fighting reference) I think one of them could/would become King, but I don’t think that’s who creativity was before the split.

Now I have a particular crowned prince in mind that creativity is named after, but lets not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start by talking about some of the most popular theories and why I disagree with them.

CW: for before the “Keep Reading” section. There is mention of metaphorical and fictional murder, war, lgbt theory (not that, that should surprise anyone). Roman backstory (aka things he might regret now.)

Romulus: While I suppose it’s convenient in the fact that its sort of the names combined, Romulus is already the role that Roman is filling in his relationship with Remus. Twins that supposedly found Rome, but Romulus killed his brother Remus to do so and become the ruler. Romulus literally named Rome after himself. This isn’t a hint, this isn’t something that’s upcoming or anything, this is backstory. Roman is literally just a modernized version of the name Romulus. Remus’ banishment to the darkside was his metaphorical murder. It also suggests that Roman took an active role in sending Remus away, which also helps explain a lot of Roman’s current struggle with Janus. Can you imagine the kind of guilt he might be feeling if he was the one who decided his brother was evil and he was good and then he passed judgement? If the darksides aren’t evil, then Roman and he metaphorically murdered Remus, then he wasn’t the hero slaying the beast anymore. Instead, he’s suddenly the bad guy.

Buuuut Treeni, what about Patton??? I hear you say. It would have had to have been morality right?

And to that I say you’re WRONG! And also right. Patton’s kinda been shown to be the most accepting bean of the whole lot, he doesn’t really try to force the others away the way some of the other sides do. Instead, he puts his foot down on his own convictions and refuses to listen to reason. (I didn’t say he was perfect.) Still, he doesn’t try to physically push the others away, not Virgil when he tried scaring Thomas, not Janus when they argued and Patton was clearly distressed by the courtroom situation, and not even Remus when Patton was clearly scared of him (also defensive of Roman). He doesn’t need to, he’s self-assured in his own place and convictions that he doesn’t worry about Thomas pushing him out. Instead, Patton kinda takes the family holiday party route and will do his best to put out the emotional fires and stand his ground on his opinion to Thomas when he needs to. (The ONLY time I could find Patton sort of pushing someone away was when they were in his room and Patton asked Logan to stop. While that could weaken my argument about Patton, I think it strengthens it because it shows how big of a deal it was at the time that Patton tried shutting him down. Logan reacted the way he did by immediately storming off because it’s not something Patton does.) While it could absolutely be Patton’s influence that caused the split, it would be out of character (as he’s currently defined) for Patton to actively push a side away. (I’ll get into some of his more negative aspects in another post if ya’ll wanna hear about it.)

Remember, Roman was the one who tried shutting down Virgil with bullying tactics, Logan too sometimes. Then he tried to use the same tactics on Janus when he tried putting his foot down on maintaining a black and white view point of the world after Remus’ appearance. Keep in mind that Remus actively told us that he blames Roman for his banishment. He compared himself and Roman to Cain and Able. While c!Thomas and even the audience as a whole were sort of led to think of Remus as Cain because of the “dark and evil” association, Remus is telling us that he is Abel. Roman is his destroyer. (Before you feel too bad for Remus, that misconception was also on purpose because while Remus isn’t a liar, he can manipulate a situation with honesty. Again, another post if you wanna hear about why.)

So now there is some general understanding of the twins backstory, you’ll see why Romulus would be a terrible fit for their combined name because Roman is already Romulus. Period. He’s the one who betrayed his brother by “murdering” him and taking over.

Making Romulus the name of who creativity was before because the names kinda morph together would lazy writing compared to very carefully woven details the show has had thus far (particularly in season 2). Okay, that went on a bit of a tangent, so next!

Caesar: This is a person who brought about the destruction of Rome, not the creation of it. (With Rome basically being the metaphorical state c!Thomas is living in now with clear lines between good/bad, right/wrong etc.) While it’s not a horrible ideology, it would be moving forward in a historical timeline instead of backwards. If you subscribe to the idea that Roman and Remus cannot go back to who they were (even with some kind of theoretical re-morphing) Caesar might be who they become, but it seems unlikely that is who they were. Remember that both sides are individuals now and those individual traits they’ve gained since splitting may not re-mesh cleanly back into who they once were. I personally don’t think there’s any “going back” for Creativity.

If they show him as he once was, it would likely only be in either a backstory bit or in a temporary situation where the re-combining doesn’t hold. However, if Creativity ever did become one thing again, I think it would be something completely new and I think Caesar would be a good fit for that in particular.

Aeneas: Again, it would be kinda lazy writing comparatively. Instead of using a sorta combination of the names that had some historical basis, this theory is based entirely on the idea of a convenient ancestor who quested and failed over and over to create Rome. I could have bought this had it been from lesser writers, but Thomas, Joan and the whole team do not mess around in story crafting and really carefully woven in references. I am literally degreed in writing and analysis and I keep finding myself impressed at the layers.

The name Aeneas also implies that the character Creativity was specifically questing for a change and that seems doubtful given the resentment between the brothers. Aeneas was essentially a left-over scavenger trying to scrape together a new home from what he could from already broken pieces and that does not sound like what Creativity is implied to be.

If we look at child development, I would theorize that Creativity is the oldest side. In the creative process, there are two major steps, first is information absorption, then second is application. The first thing any child must do is learn, anything and everything. The world is a limitless and imaginative playground. New material is around every corner and there it takes a while before the distinction between reality and fiction to be understood. It was probably just c!Thomas and Creativity for a while and as the others emerged, they looked up to him. It could even be potentially argued that Creativity was literally their creators.

This would imply that Aeneas would be a pretty terrible fit for him in that case because there’s nothing broken that he’s trying to salvage. The kingdom is his and c!Thomas’ to preside over with the other sides as his subjects. (c!Thomas being the distant “King” and Creativity being the “Crowned Prince”).

So, with all of that out of the way on why some of these theories are probably wrong, what do I think?

I think Creativity’s name is Hector.

Now, hear me out on this. For those of you who have read the Iliad you probably know exactly who I am referencing. You just may not know why. So stay with me here.

1. First, for those of you who don’t know, Hector was the Crowned Prince of Troy, the leader of the army that the Greeks (the perspective we’re getting) are facing off against. He’s also cousin to Aeneas, but actually accomplished things during the war beyond being saved by Aphrodite. This means he’s also an ancestor to both Romulus and Remus (albeit technically less direct). However, Hector’s family is where the royal lineage of Aeneas comes from. Though we follow the story mainly from the perspective of the Greeks (and the gods because they’re TROLLS), the Greek’s are pretty villainous in a lot of their actions throughout the story and they are most definitely the invaders. In this case, I would liken the Greek army to “outside opinion” for c!Thomas. Others interjecting their views on to someone and breaking his own beliefs. In this situation, Creativity would have been his biggest defender and hero, retreating into magical imaginary worlds to escape judgement.

2. So lets get onto the character and why him, shall we? Hector will literally do anything for his family. The war takes place because his little brother, Paris (one of a whopping 49 brothers mind you) either kidnaps, has Aphrodite kidnap or runs away with the Spartan Queen Helen because he fell in love with her. (It varies on the version and she was forced into her previous marriage at about 13 anyway, so Helen leaving willingly for the guy who the gods deem is the most attractive man alive is a popular modern reading.) It would have been so easy for the Trojans to yeet Helen back to Greece, but they don’t and Hector’s defense of her and his brother is a big reason why. Hector even chastises his brother for the mess he’s caused, but still stands by him and defends him. He also defends the hell out of Helen and refuses to blame her for their problems. Then in Troilus and Criseyde (Basically published Iliad perspective shift fanfiction with OCs) he defends the hell out of Criseyde when even Troilus, (apparently one of the 50 brothers) the person who claims to be in love with her, wont. Hector’s truly an all around good guy, great leader and has a very distinctive and personal moral compass that doesn’t always align with what’s being told to him is right. You want a character representation for someone who led the sides despite their clear struggles? Someone with Roman’s charm and heroism, and Remus’ understanding and drive? Hector is probably it.

3. Hector’s death is both a huge symbol for the end of Troy, but also isn’t? Let me explain, narratively speaking, Hector’s death is the point you know that Troy is basically doomed. His end is the representation of the end of it all. His corpse was literally paraded around as Achilles’s dragged it on the back of a chariot for days to show their doom. There was a distinct “aura” shift from Hector’s death as all of Troy mourned his death. We as an audience know Troy is basically doomed from Hector’s death alone. Hector was a person that even the enemy Greeks hella respected as a warrior and leader. Essentially, this was the point that the war that had been raging for about a decade became serious. At the same time, it just simply isn’t the end of the war. There’s the whole horse thing still to come and all that jazz. Still though, Hector’s death is very much a symbol of “everything changes, but nothing does.” Which is the perfect symbol for the twins split to me. Just because they split doesn’t mean that all of the sides did immediately, yet it was still probably the turning point that drove a wedge between the “dark” and “light” sides.

4. The character Hector arguably died in the name of gay love. Okay, story time. So in the Iliad, Achilles is being a little bitch and refusing to fight anymore because drama between him and the king of Athens, but he’s their best fighter and the Greek’s are basically sorta loosing because of him not helping. His boyf- I mean best friend Patroclus goes out in Achilles armor and leads his army in his place because Achilles is a whiny baby. Except Hector kinda immediately kills Patroclus, thinking he’s Achilles with reinforcements.(This was full body armor baby and distinctive cause baby of a god and all that mocha frappe.) Of course, Achilles has to immediately get angry revenge for his boyf- BEST friend and ends up killing Hector. This would make the character Hector a great metaphor for Creativity if his split had anything to do with sexuality or even acceptance as a whole. (Though we know acceptance is definitely a part of it considering Remus.) We know that Remus wants c!Thomas to explore darker themes and the struggle of sexuality and acceptance could be a possibility in what is to come as a previously “off-limits” theme.

5. A big one is that the destruction of Troy is what eventually brought about the creation of Rome. Essentially Troy would be the metaphor of c!Thomas’ existence/mentality before the sides split into dark/light factions. Then Rome would be the metaphor of c!Thomas’ existence/mentality after the sides split into factions.

6.Finally, the name Hector literally means “to restrain” which would work well for Creativity as he was likely trying to reign in the others from infighting (and you can see how well that went with him being gone).

Cheers to another rant into the void. Huzzah! God this is nearly as long as some of my seminar papers. Do what you will with this information.

Please keep in mind that I adore Roman as a character. This post isn’t meant to hate on him. It’s meant to bring awareness of the layers of his character. Every Prince Charming was a villain to someone, every hero that slays the beast is a murderer from a different light.

I don’t bring these things to light to cause pain, I bring them to light to help bring awareness of what’s probably going through his head.

(Yes, in regards to the Creativity being made first thing, I DO even have a theory about existence order, I promise you I have theories about everything. My mind does not stop with this crap. I have theories on everything from what animal association Roman and Logan have to Virgil’s key role in Roman’s backstory. I’ve ranted about a bunch of these things to a few specific people so if you ever want me to go on a rant about anything in particular let me know. I didn’t expect anyone to actually look at the other theory post tbh. Inbox me if you want me to go to unnecessary lengths on something else.)

(Also, correct me on the Patton thing if I’m wrong. I took notes on a recent watch through, but I wasn’t specifically looking for his rejection sooo, if there are other moments of it you can find that didn’t jump out at me I totally accept criticism.)

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fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years

Text

Put Me In a Movie

Keanu Reeves x reader (A/n- The past week has been hectic and tough, but we made it! Anyways, this may be the last update for this one for a couple weeks. Maybe. Finals are staring tomorrow, so I’ll only be posting things that I’ve managed to complete over the past two weeks or so. However, the exams are online and open book this semester, with way more time to complete them, so maybeeeee, I’ll sneak something in)

Summary Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6

Warnings- Very, very slight smut

Chapter 7- Behind The Scenes

"And cut!" Jackson yelled, and after a minute of delay, Y/n along with everyone else in the scene stopped, some breathing sighs of relief, others diving straight into conversation. She'd been fretting against bindings on her arms and legs, though, upon his call, Y/n's muscles relaxed and a small group came to help out of the restraints that bound her to an old iron chair, which in actuality wasn't that old, in an abandoned warehouse, which really happened to be a section of the studio decked to look differently.

From the minute the last of the rope was undone, Y/n stood, stretching her muscles. She'd been sitting in the same position for an hour. Just then, Keanu came over, wide grin plastered on his ruggedly handsome features, "Don't tell me I missed you being bound and gagged?" He teased, low enough so they wouldn't be discovered. While she'd been tied up, much like your typical kidnap victim, Keanu had been in the thick of his fight scene just a few feet off.

"Just by a bit," Y/n teased playfully. She was about to say more when Jackson approached them, his hair a wild, disheveled mess as it usually was and his grey button up was wrinkled to match his skittish, eccentric persona.

"There are my stars," he grabbed their shoulders, "I just wanted to let you two know, whatever’s changed between you two, I’m loving it. The chemistry is fantastic! Keep going like this and people will start thinking that you’re actually a couple!” As usual, Jackson seemed to completely forget about social cues, walking off before either of them could respond.

“Its….almost….like we’re actually a couple,” Y/n cocked her head to the side, a teasing glimmer twinkling in her bright eyes. Slowly, they started towards the entrance, close enough so her shoulder would occasionally brush Keanu’s arm, though not touching intentionally.

“I know,” Keanu scoffed, shaking his head, “It’s wild,” he chuckled, holding the door open so Y/n could exit first. The minute they were both outside, Keanu took a quick look around, before hastily shifting until he’d had Y/n backed up into the outer, grey painted wall of the studio, his front pressed firmly to hers. He looked down at her, feeling himself react to her coy, sultry grin, “I mean think about it; a girl like you, and I get to do this,” Keanu’s hands skimmed up her thighs, slow enough so his touch would send tingles up her spine as it made his way to her hips, slipping beneath the hem of her tattered, light blue blouse.

“I know right,” Y/n giggled, standing on her toes, “A guy like you, and I get to do this,” her fingers tangled in the ends of his soft, dark locks, twirling them between her fingers as she reached up to capture his lips in a kiss that quickly became heated. “We’re gonna get caught,” Y/n mumbled against his lips when he reached for the button of her jeans.

“You started it,” Keanu accused, pressing his denim clad hard on into her.

“Well,” Y/n giggled between passionate pecks, “Why don’t we finish this in my trailer?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

“So,” they were huddled on the sofa, basking in the afterglow of their pleasure, "We're gonna be off for a month from next week. Got anything planned?" That was actually Keanu's way of asking Y/n if she'd be spending any time with him. It was illogical, but some part of his mind was worried that what they were doing was exclusive only to Chicago.

They weren't calling it a relationship. At least not yet. It was as if they were scared to.

Y/n shrugged in his embrace, absently tracing circles into Keanu's chest. "I don't really know yet," she thought for a moment more, "I'm definitely gonna spend some time with my dad, maybe I'll fly out to see my aunt," chuckling quietly, she eventually added, "And I'm dating this guy, he’s probably gonna want me to spend some time with him too.”

“Sounds needy,” Keanu played along, his fingers tangled in the ends of her hair, his other hand splayed on Y/n’s back.

Y/n made a little sound of disagreement, “He’s more of a control freak, especially in the bedroom,” she shifted so Keanu could see when she rolled her eyes, the gesture completely exaggerated, and when Keanu smacked her ass, Y/n yelped in surprise, “Ow!” Her shoulders shook as she erupted in a fit of giggles.

“What about your mom?” Keanu probed when the mood settled as they lapsed into yet another somber bout. Up until then, Y/n never talked about her mother, she’d mentioned her father a couple times, never by name and only briefly. But never her mother.

Y/n didn’t make any move to respond immediately and Keanu was beginning to think that she hadn’t heard him. Or perhaps she’d wanted nothing to do with the question. Though, Y/n eventually gave in, feeling the weight of her silence press down on them, “What about her?”

“You aren’t going to see her too?” Really, it probably wasn’t his business, Keanu was mostly sure that Y/n would tell him about her family life if she wanted too.

Shrugging again, Y/n maintained her facade of indifference and if there was any turmoil swirling beneath her exterior, Keanu couldn’t readily identify it. Of all the women he’d met, all the women he could never figure out, Y/n was by far the most difficult. She was an enigma of sorts. Maybe that was what had made her so alluring. She was so quiet and reserved that an air of mystery followed her like plumes of smoke signaled fire and her demure disposition was perfectly enticing, her obvious innocence making Keanu want to show her things. Ruin her even. But only in the best ways.

Y/n was the embodiment of a paradox, the thought; the more she told him, the less he knew. And her silences were typically quite telling. Much like the one she’d just sunk into. Her relationship with her mother was clearly a sore subject, and Keanu was about to remind her that she didn’t need to tell him more than she wanted to when Y/n spoke up, “I’m not, we haven’t spoken since I was fifteen.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, cuddling Y/n closer. Again, he wanted to know more. Yet, he didn’t know if it was even his place to prod around; Y/n didn’t exactly come across as the type that wanted to open just out of the blue like that. Still, he felt compelled to put it out there, “You can talk about it, if you want ”

On his chest, Y/n folded her arms, propping her chin there so she could almost meet his gaze, “I don’t want,” she rejected, already disinterested in the topic, “So, what about you; what are you doing with the time off. Any hot girls to keep you busy?”

Chortling quietly, Keanu let his rough palms inch lower, reaching her thighs and urging her legs open, “Oh,” he cocked a devilish grin, “Just one.”

It had been a while since she’d been there, but still, Y/n knew the place like the back of her hand. Her father’s beachfront home on the Malibu stretch was the perfect reflection of contemporary luxury; thirty two hundred square feet of modern architecture situated on thick round posts, holding the house nearly four feet off the pale sand. When tides were high, water would invade the space beneath the house, and unless you were willing to wade through a foot worth of ocean, then you’d be stuck there until the water receded.

Inside, large panes of glass, lightly colored hardwood and white marble dominated. Natural lighting filtered in from several places, though transparent walls and awning windows, negating the need for bulbs during the day and the view from the living room was spectacular; the vast blue was straight ahead, just past an infinity pool that hung daringly over the shore.

An open floor plan allowed one to still see the sparkling water even from the small kitchen, which was nearer to the front door. Y/n and Roger had spent most of their evening there, preparing dinner together. Or course, it might have been easier to order in or maybe even let one of the house keepers do it for them, but cooking together was something they enjoyed. It made Y/n feel normal; in the kitchen she wasn’t a rising actress and her father wasn’t an acclaimed director. It was just a father and his daughter, most of the time floundering around a recipe that was far too complicated for their sub par talents put together.

That night, Y/n was on pasta duty while her father sauteed scallops in a white wine sauce, both often referring to the recipes on their phones. “I think I’m doing this wrong,” he eventually admitted, when for some reason beyond comprehension, the sauce started to dry down without the shellfish taking on the golden color it was supposed to.

“Maybe you didn’t put in enough liquid?” It was no doubt more of a question than sage advice, and Y/n was too busy trying to finely chop a handful of parsley to pay attention to whatever Roger’s troubles were anyway.

“You’re right,” he hummed, grabbing the bottle of Pinot Gris next to the stove, pouring a generous amount into the pot, “Wine makes everything better,” he chuckled. Y/n just shook her head, rolling her eyes absently at his ridiculous quip. “So,” Roger began once he seemed to get everything under control, just as Y/n finished draining a potful of al dente penne pasta, “How are things in Chicago?”

What he really meant was; did you ever work things out with Luke and he who had never been named?

“They’re good,” Y/n started up her own sauce, trying to follow every direction to the letter, unlike like her father, who usually preferred to add his own touch, even if his culinary skill set was next to nil, “Filming has been lots of fun, I’ve been…..hanging out with….people,” just one person really.

“You’ve been hanging out?” Roger seemed surprised, if he knew his daughter as well as he thought he did, and without fail, he really did, he knew for a fact that Y/n wasn’t the ‘hanging out’ type. She’d always been more reserved, keeping an alarmingly small friend circle and almost everyone at an arm's length. There was only a privileged few that had seen her for the sweet girl she really was, with an overly sensitive heart and an open mind. Most people, the ones that didn’t really know her often, though she was stand-offish and too prissy to hold them in conversation. “Are these people real?”

Y/n’s dismay came in the form of a huff, contained in her throat and an annoyed rendition of the classic, “Dad!” Huffing again, she continued the task as hand, measuring out the right amounts of stock before pouring it into the pasta, following that up with a generous handful of basil.

“Can you blame me?” Roger took a lengthy sip from his beer, proceeding to lower the lower the flame on his burner, letting their entree simmer. When Y/n just scoffed, he continued, determined to wean what he wanted out of her, “So, did you ever work things out with Luke?”

For a minute, Y/n considered pretending to not hear him, but there weren’t really any disruptive noises, unless you counted the crashing of waves muffled by the walls. Besides, she’d just feel guilty about ignoring him anyway. “No,” she breathed reluctantly.

Roger nodded slowly, regarding Y/n curiously, “But you’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”

Why’d he have to know her so well?

Well, there was no point in lying anyway. “Yeah, we’ve been going out for about two months now. He’s nice.”

“Yeah? Nice enough for me to like him?” Of course her father would want to meet that man she was dating. Curse him for being so involved!

Y/n just shook her shoulders, wishing that there was a way for her to just slither out of that conversation. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of dating Keanu or anything like that, but she still wasn’t really sure of what they were doing. He’d never called himself her boyfriend, and she had even considered that she might be his girlfriend. It felt even juvenile to have to think about something as frivolous as labels, but for the first time, Y/n understood Luke’s desire to have them. Labels were easy and unambiguous. There was no toeing around the subject or wondering where you stood.

But on the flip side, Y/n wasn’t even sure if she wanted Keanu to be her boyfriend. He was a little confusing, serious most of the time but humorous at others and she constantly felt like he was holding out on her, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And worst yet, Y/n didn’t think she’d exactly call herself ‘girlfriend material’, she was a little too self-concerned sometimes and found that she couldn’t always empathize when she was stuck in her own thoughts and feelings. Who wanted that for a partner?

“Well?” Roger probed, awaiting an answer. Why was it so confusing? Because despite both their obvious flaws and incompatibilities, Y/n wanted things to work with Keanu. She thought she could want them to work in the forever kind of way, even if he didn’t seem like the kind of man interested in forever, even if part of her knew that she probably shouldn’t.

“I don’t think we’re ready for that yet,” the mood changed and Y/n gave the pasta one last stir before turning the stove off, “We’re just…..”

“Seeing where things go?” He chuckled quietly, shaking his head, getting a couple dishes out of the overhead cabinet mounted to the wall over the sink, “Why are you young people always doing that? Seeing where things go? When I was your age, people dated for a future, for marriage.” Which was probably how he’d ended up with her mother.

At a loss for words, Y/n just raised her brows in unspoken annoyance as she took a generous swing from her own tinted bottle. She didn't really want to broach the whole ‘Keanu wasn't really her age’ part of her answer, "I don't know what to tell you dad. I'm just not looking for that right now," she shrugged, helping him with plating their dinner. Afterwards, he grabbed a couple of stemless wine glasses and Y/n grabbed a bottle of white from the refrigerator, following her father out to the balcony where they'd be having dinner.

"What about him?" Their talk was starting to feel like an interrogation.

"What about him?" Y/n shook her shoulders, using the toe of her black ballet pump to shove the screen door open. When she saw the warning eye, scolding her sass, coming from her father's direction, Y/n sighed internally, relenting, "He's not looking for anything too serious either."

Y/n could see the worry in his gaze, nearly boring into the side of her head. Maybe it was the turmoil of her parents' marriage, maybe it was just her nature, but Y/n was proving to be repellent to stable relationships, not wanting to get too serious or go the whole mile. She knew that he'd probably blame himself for part of it, but she wouldn't. She'd cut that offender out of her life the second she could. They set everything down at the table that looked over the infinity pool and the ocean beyond. "Well, who is he?"

Ugh

Y/n was growing tired of the conversation. The less she gave, the more Roger wanted to know. Even if he hadn't been around a lot when she was younger, he always tried to be involved. Usually Y/n didn't mind, he was her go to for parental advice and a listening ear, but as of then, her dating life was a complicated mess and the last thing she wanted was for dad to give her a lecture on why she shouldn't be with Keanu. "It's the guy from Chicago," she evaded, "The one I told you about."

"I thought he didn't feel the same way?" He quoted.

Pushing some food around with her fork, she shrugged childishly, staring at her glass, the chill of the wine fogging it over, "I guess I was wrong."

"You don't want to talk about this," he finally assessed, "But you know I don't mean to be overbearing, I just don't want you to get hurt again."

"I know," she nodded, "I won't," it was a baseless promise, Y/n had no idea on where things were going with Keanu, and it was likely to end badly, even if she was hoping for the best.

Their silence stretched on for a while, but when Y/n broke it, she was adamant on shifting gears and getting them to talk about something else. "So, are you reading any new scripts?"

After a lengthy conversation about her confusing dating life, Y/n and her dad had spent the rest of their dinner talking about work. She'd left his place at around nine that Friday night, and after nearly three months of not driving on an actual street, she drove back to her place, a cushy condo in West Hollywood.

Keanu had called and they'd talked for about an hour, in the end deciding that he'd come to her place that Saturday evening, just after sunset. And, as promised, he'd showed up at around seven, "Hey," he cocked a crooked grin, his motorcycle helmet chucked under his arm and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his dark jeans and his leather jacket zipped up.

"Hi," Y/n pulled one of the heavy doors open a bit wider, wordlessly inviting him in through one side of the double entryway. The minute she closed the door and turned the lock, Keanu discarded his helmet on the counter of her moderately sized kitchen, just a few feet off from the entrance, laying his hands on her hips. He pressed a searing kiss to her lips, letting one arm circle her waist.

"I missed you," he mumbled against her lips, his salt and pepper scruff rough and ticklish on her skin. As they lingered like that, Keanu tilted his head again, his calloused touch inching beneath the hem of her loose, cotton tank top.

Y/n giggled softly, the musical sound muffled by his lips smooshed on hers, "We saw each other two days ago."

"Two days too long," he growled, tugging her closer that Y/n thought was possible. Really, he was right; in Chicago they saw each other every day, they had sex everyday.

Y/n's hands skimmed the cool leather of his coat, sliding them upwards until her fingers were tangled in his ends of his shaggy, dark locks, tangling them around her little fingers, “You really missed me, didn’t you?” Y/n teasingly rubbed against his jean clad erection, smiling at how he hissed appreciatively.

“Baby,” his husky voice was low and rich, the simple word making her feel things, “You have no idea.” Kissing her again, heated and hungry, Keanu pushed Y/n deeper into her apartment, just past a thick rectangular post, where the electronic fireplace was embedded and the television mounted above it. There was an armchair near the unlit fireplace, with soft white upholstering, complemented by black accent pillows, and as they reached it, Keanu slid his palms down the curve of her ass, hoisting her up in his arms. As he sank down into the chair, Y/n straddled him, eager to undo the zipper of his jacket before pushing it off, unabashedly moving on to undo the fastenings on his jeans.

Groping her ass one last time, Keanu’s hands resumed their former task, traveling up the inside of her worn, grey top, his touch igniting shocks. His lips ravished her neck, probably leaving behind purplish bites and beard burn. Y/n ground in Keanu’s lap, moaning eagerly when he reached around to fondle her unrestrained breasts. Clumsily, she reached between them to free his hardened cock, when a startled obscenity erupting from near the kitchen interrupted them.

Keanu’s hold on her boobs was still firm as sirens went off in Y/n’s head. “Dad!” Y/n shrieked, more horrified than she’d ever been.

“What?” Keanu furrowed his brows, confused at her alarm, and why she’d stopped. Turning and craning his head to see who she was seeing, his eyes went wide, his jaw hanging slack. Just when he thought a situation couldn’t get much worse than sleeping with a woman and then having brunch with her and her boyfriend, Keanu was reminded that it always could. An uncomfortable and awkward brunch was certainly better than getting caught with his hands up the top of an old friend’s daughter. “Roger?”

“Keanu?” Needless to say, Y/n wasn’t the only one absolutely mortified with the situation. Almost immediately after, though still not nearly soon enough, Keanu dropped his hands, not really sure of where they should go from there on.

It took another minute or two, but eventually, Y/n was scurrying out of Keanu’s lap, tugging at her tank top and loose, grey booty shorts. So much for hiding her somewhat complicated relationship from her father. Though, that wasn’t the issue hot on Y/n’s frazzled mind, “You two know each other?”

Red in face, Y/n stood, barefoot on the fluffy, off-white rug, unconsciously curling her toes into the fabric. Neither of the men made a move to answer and the sheer horror of the moment seemed to be mirrored three ways. Everyone was at a loss for words and tension was on a continuous rise; embarrassment, awkwardness and bubbling anger from at least one person. The room suddenly felt much smaller than it actually was, and though there was at least ten feet and one piece of furniture between Keanu and Roger, anyone could tell that whatever friendship was shared between them, wasn’t going to be there much longer.

As seconds ticked by, and everyone processed what had just happened, it felt like time was passing too slowly for anything to make sense. Though, when the kettle finally whistled, the noise was piercing and what happened next was not what Y/n was hoping for.

His face was beet read with anger and his fists were clenched at his side as Roger strode up to Keanu in long steps, “You’re fucking my daughter!”

“Dad!” Y/n screamed, and the rest of it was a blur.

*****

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @paanchu786 @thesadvampire @fanficsrusz @fickensteinn @ladyreapermc @babygirltaina @septimaseverina @snatchedbylele @omg-imagine @21stcenturyyfoxx @magnificentclodpiebanana @allie1804-fan @keandrews @greenmanalishi

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves fanfic #john wick x you #john wick x reader #john wick #put me in a movie #series #chapter 7 #lana del rey #fanfic #fanfiction #ff #keanu reeves fanfiction #john wick fanfiction

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mysmashplaythroughs · 4 years

Text

Earthbound Playthrough

Fighter: Ness

Game: Earthbound, Wii U virtual console (SNES). First Released on August 27th 1994.

Fighter Bio.

A young boy living in Onett, a town in Eagleland, Ness is awoken one night following a meteorite crashing into a hilltop near his home. Ness and his neighbours eventually go to see the meteorite and it is there they meet Buzz Buzz, a small insect-like being who tells Ness that he is from 10 years in the future and has seen what will happen if he does not stop Giygas, an alien being. Buzz Buzz tells Ness that he is one of four destined to defeat Giygas and that they are the only ones who can. Following this Ness sets off on an adventure, meeting other members of the chosen four who help him to take on Giygas’s forces. Ness is a fairly strong physical fighter, with his weapons of choice being various baseball bats and sometimes Yo-yos. He also however has abilities he uses with PSI, although unlike his two other friends who also use PSI, his tend to be more focused on healing and lowering enemies defence and attack as well as raising those of his party.

Ness is once again a silent protagonist similar to many other Nintendo series protagonists and as such there isn’t much revealed of his personality. He seems to be a fan of baseball given his propensity to use bats as well as him wearing a Baseball Cap. Ness also has Steak as his favourite food which his Mother cooks for him when he visits home whilst on his adventure. Ness along with the other party members in the game can be named whatever the player wishes, however his default and therefore often considered ‘canon’ name is Ness. Similarly the player can choose his favourite food which by default is steak. Ness looks very similar to the player character of the first game in the series, Mother (localised many years later as Earthbound Beginnings) who’s default name is Ninten which was intentional as the creator Shigesato Itoi wished to allow the player to decide on whether they were the same character or not. For this blog and my own personal playthroughs, I will interpret them as separate characters, however there is no set canon regarding this.

Ness’s family consists of his Mother, Sister, Father and pet dog. Ness is close with his Mother, to the point that if he travels for too long without speaking to her he will get homesick, a condition that makes him sometimes miss turns in battle because he’s busy thinking of home and his favourite food. Homesickness is cured by either speaking to his Mother in person, or speaking to her over the phone. Ness’s Sister, Tracy can also be spoken to on the phone and during Earthbound she gets a job working for Excargo Express, a company that provides storage for items. By phoning his Sister, Ness can ask for someone from the company to be sent to him so he can give them items to store or to deliver items to him. Ness can also use this service when speaking to Tracy in person, with her giving and accepting items from Ness directly. Tracy and Ness’s Mother both can be found at Ness’s home in Onett, however his Father is constantly working and therefore never home. He can be called as well as call Ness on the phone however with him saving the game for the player when called and telling the party how much Exp they need to reach their next level. Ness’s Father will call Ness if the player has not saved for a long time in order to remind them to do so. Ness’s Father is never seen in person throughout the game, to the point that his representation in the credits role call is simply Ness’s home phone. The final member of Ness’s family is his dog King, who is the only non-playable character who can be named by the player, with King being the default. King is an optional party member at the start of the game who will reluctantly travel with the player to the meteor, helping out in battle with the occasional attack. When approaching the meteor however, he will get scared and run home. Following this King will remain at home for the rest of the game refusing to move.

Friends: On his journey, Ness meets with many characters, with the other three members of the chosen four being his closest companions, Paula, Jeff and Poo. Ness first meets Paula helping her escape from the Happy Happyism Cult who under the influence of Giygas have kidnapped her. Paula is much better at offensive PSI than Ness with his moves in Super Smash Bros actually mostly being ones Paula uses in Earthbound. Jeff, the only member of the group unable to use PSI is at a boarding school when he receives a psychic message from Paula asking him to help her and Ness who are trapped. Jeff sets off and eventually meets Ness and Paula when he arrives to help them escape from a dungeon. Finally, Poo is the prince of Dalaam who has trained for many years to strengthen his PSI. With his training complete Poo learns how to teleport and travels to meet the others knowing he is destined to fight alongside them. Poo later leaves the party for some time to learn a new attack, PSI Starstorm which is another attack Ness later uses in Super Smash Bros before returning to them after being successful.

There are many other characters Ness and his friends help during his journey and many who help them in return. Of those closest to Ness specifically, Buzz Buzz is a character only met by Ness and his neighbours Pokey and Picky Minch before he reaches his unfortunate end. The Runaway Five meet with Ness and his friends a couple of times through the game, and thanks to Ness helping them settle their debts they help out with their van and later on in a difficult battle. Apple Kid is an inventor who will provide Ness with inventions provided he funds his research. These inventions are vital to proceeding and later on Apple Kid assists in the final part of the game along with another important character, Dr. Andonuts. Dr. Andonuts is Jeff’s Father whom he has a strained relationship with, he provides Jeff and later his friends help with various inventions during the game. Finally of note is that when Ness visits Magicant he can gain temporary party members known as Flying Man. There are five of these who will join Ness when asked and when defeated will be lost for the rest of the game, with gravestones representing them outside of their home. The gravestones refer to the Flying Men as Ness’s Courage, although with each one the Tombstone’s become more and more vague until the last one chastises Ness and by extension the player for taking them for granted calling it “The Final Flying Man”.

Enemies/Rivals: Pokey Minch is Ness’s next-door Neighbour, known for being a bratty troublemaker, he doesn’t really have many friends only really having Ness to play with growing up as they’re neighbours. As the game goes on Pokey seems to get more and more corrupted by Giygas, although it is arguable that in fact Pokey’s true colours simply start to shine through once he manages to get Giygas’s power. Due to Ness’s status as a mostly silent protagonist and Pokey being quite erratic in his actions it’s debatable how much they are true enemies and how much Pokey has simply been twisted, with him often showing hints of still wishing to be friends with Ness, but showing it in twisted ways such as having to one-up him constantly. The rest of Pokey’s family aren’t on very good terms with Ness’s family, with Pokey’s Father constantly insisting Ness’s Father borrowed a large sum of money from him, although he then admits it might not have been as much as he said it is. He later assists Pokey in a scheme in the city of Fourside, however he ends up being more of a bit player and after Pokey’s plans in Fourside fail he leaves his Father washed up and wallowing in a bar. There are other characters Ness fights with some either testing him such as Captain Strong and others such as Frank being a gang leader who surrenders once Ness beats him.

Every other enemy pretty much is influenced by Ness’s true enemy Giygas, an invader from another world. Giygas was once a physical being, but eventually he gained such power he seemed to lose his physical form as well as his mind becoming bent purely on ending all existence. He still seems to be aware enough that when he learns during his invasion of earth 10 years in the future from the apple of enlightenment that Ness was destined to defeat him he goes back in time to defeat Ness knowing he could stop him, which shows he at least has enough thought to put a plan in motion. Beyond that, simply his presence is enough to cause all sorts of creatures and some people to seek to destroy Ness and his friends. Various agents of his such as the Starmen as well as objects such as the Mani Mani statue are his most direct forms of influence, with the Mani Mani statue managing to influence various figures such as the leader of the Happy Happy Cult into doing their will or just acting dangerously.

Crossovers with other Smash characters: Earthbound tends to fairly rarely actually make easter egg appearances or cameos in other games and as such Ness has had very little crossover with other characters outside of Super Smash Bros. One notable one is he makes a cameo in the sequel to his game, Mother 3 which stars Lucas, however I will detail that more in the post for Lucas. Beyond this, the only other real crossover for Ness is that Kirby has a power in Kirby Planet Robobot called ESP where he has a similar (although blue rather than red) baseball cap to Ness, and the description in-game mentions the powers being “just like a certain boy with PSI” being a clear reference to Ness. Ness himself does not appear however.

Why this game?

This is a very very simple one, it’s the only game Ness is in. There are other games in the Mother series, one of which stars a character who will have a post further down the line, however this is the only game in the Mother series that stars Ness, so it’s the obvious choice.

My past with this game.

So, my history with Earthbound is quite different to a lot of accounts I tend to read and that’s down to one big reason, Earthbound wasn’t released in Europe. Due to this, my first exposure to Earthbound, or rather Ness specifically was in Super Smash Bros on the N64. Back when I was in school, I remember another kid who would often make up the usual ‘rumours’ regarding games at the time, such as how to find Mew under the truck or how he had 50 Charizard cards at home, or how to get Luigi in Super Mario 64. One day, he told me about a secret character in Super Smash Bros. He said this character was a weird one as it was like Baby Mario. He told me I think how to unlock him and being naïve I gave it a shot, only this time it turned out to be somewhat real. I got this character with a red cap who was a kid, so I was completely confused as to who this was. I thought it must have been Kid Mario, an older Baby Mario for some reason. I forget now how long it was following this I started looking more into Ness and realising he wasn’t related to Mario but was from another game entirely with the most obvious sign being when I read his bio in-game. Although it was rather vague, it stated Ness had Psychic powers. At the time, my first time really hearing of Psychic powers was from Pokemon, so because of that I started associating Ness with Pokemon since he was somewhat similar to a typical Pokemon Trainer, with a cap and bag. Yeah, back then I’d muddle all sorts of different things into being connected in my head.

It was probably in Super Smash Bros Melee where I first started to learn a lot more about Ness, partially thanks to all the info contained in the various trophies, but also due to other factors such as being older and able to comprehend more, and the biggest factor, the internet. Super Smash Bros Melee was when I was able to first start looking for information on games from something other than Magazines. There were not many websites at the time I knew to look at however, Wikipedia wasn’t really that well known, at least to me back then and so most of the time I would learn information from fansites. Probably one of the biggest influences to me when it comes to a lot of my interest in Super Smash Bros was a site known as Detstar, which is only really viewable through the wayback machine now. It covered a lot of aspects of Melee, from the more basic things such as characters, moves, items and stages, to the parts that I had more interest in, “Cool Stuff” and “Misc”. “Cool Stuff” covered all sorts of things, from Trophies to Easter Eggs in the game whilst “Misc” is the more important section to this article. Under this section were various things, from the fake Sonic & Tails as well as the Toad Rumours, to Beta elements, and then a few things covering some of the more obscure games represented in Melee, Dr. Mario, Ice Climber and finally “Ness & Earthbound.” (No Fire Emblem however, which I’ll cover more in detail when I get to them.) This was probably where I first really learnt about Earthbound, seeing screenshots of the game as well as some information on the very basic plot outline. Needless to say, at the time, as someone who at most had played Ocarina of Time, Paper Mario and Pokemon when it came to RPGs, my imagination ran wild about this game. These few images looked so unique to other games I’d played then and there was so little info really looking back at it that I really wanted to know more, it helped that I was really into Pokemon at the time, regarding which the site itself said “So if you’re looking for someone or something to blame for Pokemon, blame Earthbound” (Sidenote: It’s funny how for a fair amount of time in my childhood, Pokemon was seen a lot in the same way Fortnite and FNAF tend to be, with a lot of ‘true gamers’ then seeing it as a plague on gaming. Detstar I don’t think really went that way so much, more he was just acknowledging it being a common view at the time, although I could be wrong.) So the appeal for the game was more there for me than it might have been earlier in my life. I would advise if anyone does want to look into the site, remember it’s an old internet fansite written by someone who I think pretty much dropped out of the gaming scene years ago, so it definitely has a lot of quirks typical of fansites at that time, just so you know what you’re getting into.

Next up for my exposure to Earthbound was another old internet site I spent a lot of time on back then (and another probably best not viewed by kids) Newgrounds. On there, there were a lot of parody videos, with a lot of my favourites being pixel animations. Naturally, there were plenty of Earthbound ones, with probably the one that sticks out most in my mind being one of the ever popular “outtakes/bloopers” videos, something practically every gaming franchise on there probably has had by this point. Still, with this outtake video I got a look at other scenarios that were in the game, although often pretty different to how they were in the actual game and without context for me, someone who hasn’t played the game, still it was probably another way I learnt more of the game and got to see the sprites in motion rather than just screenshots. Following this my memory is somewhat messy, Super Smash Bros Brawl was announced and I really started following online speculation at this time, learning of Mother 3 and most importantly getting a lot more info on the game. Youtube was starting to get popular providing me with a fair few videos of the game itself. Gradually, I came across Lets Plays watching a few of other games, and finally watching Chuggaaconroy’s Lets Play of Earthbound. It was through this I admittedly saw the game all the way through for the first time so yes, I never played it blind. Following this, I did get a chance to play the game, although not in a method I particularly liked and I was hoping that one day it would finally come to the Wii Virtual Console. In this playthrough, as with a lot of RPGs I’d tried at this point, I made it to a certain boss (the rematch with Master Belch) and got stuck, eventually just playing other games instead.

Now, before I get onto the final part of my history with the franchise, there is a fairly notable omission here when it comes to websites with information. Starmen.net is the biggest and most influential English language website when it comes to the Mother series to my knowledge. It is a fantastic resource and has a very devoted community who have been involved in covering a lot of the series for those outside of Japan, compiling a lot of information and very vocally campaigning for the series to see releases outside of Japan. Many people who are longtime Mother series fans tend to have links to the site such as the aforementioned Chuggaaconroy and as such I feel it is important I mention it. Whilst I did read a lot of things on the site, and for a time I remember religiously checking out the fanart on there, I’ll admit I didn’t personally get that involved with the site, however I feel it is too important to not mention. This links nicely into the final part really of my history with Earthbound, in 2013 after so long waiting it was finally announced that Earthbound would see a worldwide release on the Wii U Virtual Console, finally coming to Europe. Satoru Iwata stated this was down to the many requests on Miiverse I believe, however I’m sure that the vocal fanbases such as Starmen.net were a very big part of this too. Sadly, the same hasn’t happened for Mother 3 yet, we can only hope for that one day, but for me, I was glad I was finally getting to officially own Earthbound after so long. So, I excitedly started, played through and beat the game, right? No… I got stuck at a boss and started playing other games again. I know, I’m a failure of a gamer.

My Smash Playthrough.

When it comes to big games on my list, this really was probably the biggest game I knew I needed to beat. When it comes to replaying these games, and they’re ones where I specifically have started them multiple times, I like to where possible pick up my old save file and continue on rather than start from scratch again. With the long list I have with many RPGs and other long games, restarting every single one from scratch can admittedly hit my motivation somewhat. Earthbound is an amazing game and a lot of fun, however I wanted to finally get to new parts I hadn’t played before. Luckily, my save file actually had everything I wanted in my playthrough, as in the correct names for the characters and the items I wanted, so this was one of the easier games to simply continue from where I’d left off. The screenshot above is from a Miiverse post I made at the time, in it I said that I was finally “Further than I've got before.” I don’t necessarily remember most moments of my playthroughs now, but this one was very important to me. Super Metroid was a big game sure, but it was one I’d had easy access to really whenever I wanted. Earthbound however, this was a game I’d managed to have a lot of history with despite not being able to play it for the majority of my life, so to finally be at this moment, knowing I’d made it past where I was stuck and was going to beat the game was a huge deal to me. Honestly, thinking on it now, it might be one of my biggest gaming memories. Still, I don’t want to go too overboard here, needless to say though, I’m glad I was able to get that screenshot of seeing for myself in-game a moment I’d only seen in screenshots and other people’s playthroughs beforehand.

There were a fair few difficult spots for me following this however, areas where I found enemies tough and a few bosses gave me trouble. Earthbound definitely isn’t a hard game, but I’ve never been great at RPGs and this was at the start of my Smash Playthroughs, the idea of playing a Dragon Quest game for example would have been a pretty out there concept to me then. Areas that stand out in my mind include Stonehenge base, and an occurrence in an earlier area which takes place towards the end of the game involving very difficult enemies appearing there (which happens to be a point of no return I wasn’t prepared for, meaning a very important area was lost to me somewhat on this save file) Funnily enough, Master Belch’s rematch which had stopped me in my tracks both times I’d played before, was one of the boss fights I probably had the least trouble with, partially as I was aware of a trick with him, but even without that I’d managed to get to a level where he wasn’t really a problem, which was very satisfying. Many of the bosses could be challenging, but I don’t remember any of them being very large roadblocks to me, it helps that at this point I had gained somewhat more experience with RPGs and learnt a lot more about how Earthbound’s battle system worked than I had before, meaning I had more of an understanding of what I was doing.

The final boss is an experience I honestly don’t want to spoil. I know I’ve spoilt a lot here, but this final boss is one of the most notable in Nintendo and perhaps RPG history, one which I think it’s really best to experience yourself. I will however, spoil something unique in the ending of this game, so I guess skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to hear it. This game has an epilogue where essentially you can walk around the whole world of the game with all the enemies gone and practically every single NPC will have a new line of dialogue. All sorts of NPCs, even the most minor will somewhat conclude various small events from the game, really there’s far too many to mention, but every location is open to you to revisit at your own pace in order to see what’s changed now the world is saved. It’s something I don’t think many other games have really done, granted there are those with a post-game, but it’s a pretty unique experience overall and is just another reason this game is so beloved in my opinion. Of course, you’re entirely free to just go to the ending and ignore what anyone else has to say, it’s all up to you.

The music is great, with quite a variety of themes and some very psychedelic sounding songs, especially for the battles which matches up with the swirling backgrounds very well. The dialogue is easily one of the strongest points of the game, with almost every NPC being worth talking to as there’s often so many funny things to be heard, with many wacky scenarios such as a club where philosophical patrons gather to essentially stare at a rock and drink overpriced water. The setting of the game being in a modern world also helps it stand out from a lot of RPGs at the time. Returning to Dragon Quest which I mentioned earlier, I didn’t know back then but a lot of influence was drawn from that series when it comes to how the Mother series plays, with a menu being used to choose which options to do such as check what’s in front of you or talk to what’s in front of you. There is a button which will also do the job without having to bring up the menu however, which means Earthbound isn’t as closely linked to the style as its predecessor was, but it’s still there at any rate. Finally, and this is just a personal note, but I love a lot of the little features in the game that add to it’s charm, things like being able to order a pizza and the pizza being an item that can heal the whole party (since they share it) and being able to get a delivery guy to come out and take items from you to store them, or getting on the bus to travel from one town to the next. This is definitely a personal preference thing, but I still wanted to include it.

Overall, even today I would say Earthbound is a game worth checking out. Its uniqueness manages to let it remain an experience that still holds up and isn’t necessarily hampered by any huge aspects of gaming back then that would perhaps make me feel the need to warn about when recommending, with only a few minor things such as inventory management really sticking out in my mind. If you want any further evidence, Earthbound’s legacy really speaks for itself, with it’s influence definitely being present in a fair few notable series following it, probably the biggest of which being Pokemon (I believe having a crossover of some staff but I’m really not sure of specifics there) and a fair few games in the indie scene, most notably Undertale. Honestly, I keep thinking of pretty big aspects of the game that I haven’t even mentioned, like Mr. Saturns, but I feel at this point I’ve gone over most of what I really should, and Mr. Saturn will be mentioned again much further down the line.

Specific aspects about the game relating to Ness in Smash.

So, when it comes to Ness in Super Smash Bros, this is the first example on my list of something that’s really optional and just me going somewhat obsessively overboard really. Before I get onto that point however, regarding Ness’s attacks, as stated earlier, PK Fire, PK Thunder, PSI Magnet and PK Starstorm are not attacks Ness learns in the game, with them instead being used by either Paula or Poo. In Super Smash Bros Brawl I believe this is explained in a trophy as Ness being taught how to use these moves by Paula and Poo, but that’s really all that can be said regarding those attacks. PK Flash is the only PSI attack that Ness can use in the game but its function is somewhat different than in Super Smash Bros. It can cause various status effects on the enemy (depending on which version of it is used) such as causing them to cry (lowering their accuracy) feel strange, get paralysed or the most notable effect, being defeated instantly. This last effect is perhaps the closest to its use in Super Smash Bros, as it is a fairly difficult to pull off move but when it does connect can cause a lot of knockback making it pretty close to an instant KO providing some damage has been done to an opponent. The final of Ness’s PSI abilities is one that’s not really used in battle, but is part of his entrance in Super Smash Bros, being Teleport. In Earthbound, one form of Teleport requires Ness and his friends to run forwards gathering speed until they warp away, arriving at another location. If they collide with any solid objects whilst building speed, Ness and his friends will stop in their tracks and be completely covered in soot from the resulting energy backfire. In Super Smash Bros, Ness will arrive to a battle in a similar way to having just arrived in a new location through Teleport, however he will also briefly be covered in soot, similar to if he crashes into something whilst trying to build up speed.

Ness also fights with a baseball bat and a Yo-yo in Super Smash Bros. The baseball bat is not specifically based on any bat from Earthbound with the only notable thing about it being “Nett Sports” written on it. Ness’s Yo-yo similarly is not based on a specific one from the game with the main notable aspect of it being the word “Mother” on it when zoomed in close. Weapons are not physically seen in Earthbound, with battles being from a first person perspective. Similarly various clothes do not change characters appearances, with Ness always looking the same throughout the game barring specific events such as the start of the game where he wears Pyjamas. Where my obsessive methods come in are that in cases like this, I tend to like to try to work out what would be the closest equipment in my opinion to how it looks in the character’s portrayal in Super Smash Bros. So really, for this next part you can completely ignore this as it’s not anything concrete and purely my speculation. For the baseball bat I feel there are two candidates. The Ultimate Bat is the most straightforward, since what little artwork there is of the bats shows it as looking still like a fairly standard wooden baseball bat, similar to the one used in Smash. The only other candidate however, is the Tee ball bat, the reason being that this bat is sold in Onett, and the “Nett Sports” written on the bat would imply that specific bat has a connection to Onett. Still, I went with the Ultimate Bat mostly as the Tee Ball bat is the second weakest in the game. Of the Yo-yos, my first choice simply because Ness fights with it and it looks flashy was the Combat Yo-yo, the strongest yo-yo in the game. However, based on what little artwork there is, it seems this yo-yo actually has spikes on it, a feature not on the one in Smash, so therefore probably the other best choice would be the Trick yo-yo, again because it looks fairly flashy with the yellow lightning looking patterns in Smash. Finally, when it comes to equipment, probably the only real choice I felt for Ness is the Mr. Baseball Cap. This hat is a gift to Ness from a character in Onett, and the other choices such as the Holmes hat and Hard Hat definitely don’t fit the way Ness’s hat in artwork and Smash looks. There is a standard Baseball Cap available in the store in Onett, however the Mr. Baseball Cap still feels more fitting and specific to Ness overall in my opinion.

Credits.

For information on this game including dates of releases I must give credit to Wikibound Wiki.

The screenshots in this post are taken by me using Miiverse before it shut down.

#Ness #Earthbound #Mother 2 #Super Smash Bros #SNES #Wii U #Virtual Console #My Smash Playthrough #My Smash Playthroughs

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alexsmitposts · 4 years

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The Emergence of the Technetronic Society of Humankind The world community is being transformed. The current pandemic is only another phase of a metamorphosis set in motion decades ago. The intersection of our physical and digital lives is the battleground, where the last hopes of freedom are being bludgeoned to death. Few can see this because most people are already casualties the old world order sacrificed before the altar of liberty. Most of you reading this introduction will sense a bit of melodrama. But I assure you, anything I could type out here pales in comparison to the skullduggery that has beset humankind the last half-century. The war for planet Earth is upon us, but the battlefield is not some desert in Syria or a swamp somewhere in Latin America. The battlefield is real and virtual. It’s in the streets of Portland, Oregon, and the pages of Facebook. The Third World War is taking place in Walmart. It’s spreading to every back yard in Florida and every apartment complex in Bucharest. We’ve taken up arms against one another over every facet of life, not just whether or not to wear protective masks. Working-Class Struggle Redux Some of you already see this. You understand because you were finally forced to unfriend that high school buddy who Tweets or shares Facebook posters revealing humankind’s ignorance and meanness. We’re back to being tribal, devolution is upon us, and the end is written on the slum wall and the internet version. Wall Street is making a killing, billionaires are gnashing their teeth and wringing their hands, and the so-called little people are boiling in a kettle about to explode. Amazingly, my words here can be proven. Nobody can call “fake news” on this author. No sir. In 1970 the legendary (notorious for some) Zbigniew Brzezinski wrote a book entitled, “BETWEEN TWO AGES: America’s Role in the Technetronic Era.” The author, who was one of the five or six most influential political celebrities of the latter part of the 20th century, is well known for his aversion for first the Soviet Union, and then the Russian Federation. Brzezinski’s book was an is a “how-to” book on methods for using computers and communications technologies as a means of transforming society. Though the book reads like an analysis by a technology outsider, the work is part of a wide-spanning strategy we see coming to competition today. Let’s look at an excerpt from the first section of the book where the former counselor to President Lyndon B. Johnson and President Jimmy Carter’s National Security Advisor delineates post-industrial America’s course: “In the technetronic society scientific and technical knowledge, in addition to enhancing production capabilities, quickly spills over to affect almost all aspects of life directly. Accordingly, both the growing capacity for the instant calculation of the most complex interactions and the increasing availability of biochemical means of human control augment the potential scope of consciously chosen direction, and thereby also the pressures to direct, to choose, and to change.” I won’t tax the reader here, but I encourage you to read the book yourself so that what I am presenting will sink in. Brzezinski, in no uncertain terms, is describing the fundamental transformation of society beginning sometime shortly before 1970, when he collated the information within the pages of the book. Remember, he was LBJ’s advisor. The Rise of the Techno-Bourgeoisie He continues in this section to refer to the past ideologies of the industrial age which built and sustained America and other democracies, to insist upon a more “modern” or “advanced” central ideology. Brzezinski, who most detractors would describe as a dinosaur or archaic, was discussing cybernetics replacing humans when Bill Gates was still at Lakeside Prep School being bullied and writing his first computer programs. I mention Gates for a purpose that may be obvious to some readers. This citation from Between Two Ages will transport the reader to my line of thinking here. Brzezinski writes knowingly: “In the emerging new society questions relating to the obsolescence of skills, security, vacations, leisure, and profit-sharing dominate the relationship, and the psychic wellbeing of millions of relatively secure but potentially aimless lowermiddleclass bluecollar workers becomes a growing problem.” Please remember, this was published in 1970, years before Brzezinski would brag that he had helped cause the Soviet Union to invade Afghanistan so that it could get its very own “Vietnam.” The man was a genius, an evil one, but a brilliant geo-policy strategist nonetheless. This book is not a reflection of Brzezinski’s powerful mind, however. This book is the revelation of a plan set in motion after Dwight Eisenhower left office. It’s a blueprint for the liberal world order to completely dominate the world. But before you label me, please consider how this “growing problem” is being used today. Who is Donald Trump? Aha! Now I have your full attention. What about the psychic wellbeing of aimless lower-middle-class Americans? Or, the psychic wellbeing of relatively secure Germans right before Adolph Hitler made them afraid of all the nations surrounding their country? Wait! Don’t go to that tangent, please focus on who got Donald Trump in the White House and how this came to pass. You see, Brzezinski and his colleagues created the conditions, the society, and the “path” we see taking shape today. Think about our symbols now, for instance. How did Google come to dominate the internet? Who stood behind? What does Google do? How about Facebook or Amazon, or any of the monumental successes we see controlling this technetronic society we now live in? Google lured the masses in with “free” and with slogans like “do no evil.” The competition was driven off, through massive investment. Now billions of people are analyzed and “computed” like Brzezinski revealed, to transform society, not to simply extract money via ads. Take the case of Facebook, it’s the same story. A huge swath of humanity is studied, spied upon, and manipulated while the puppetmasters tweak ideology, foment discord, and steer the crowd toward the desired endgame. Sounds crazy and dramatic, doesn’t it? But, wait for it. In 1972, Bill Gates served as a congressional page in the US House of Representatives. He was then a National Merit Scholar who went to Harvard for a brief time, where he met Steve Ballmer, who would lead Microsoft until 2014. Ballmer was an assistant product manager at Procter & Gamble for two years, where he shared an office with Jeffrey R. Immelt, the onetime CEO of General Electric. I hope you are keeping up with me here, for these names figure prominently in the current situation. Immelt was the head of GE’s Medical Systems division (now known as GE Healthcare) as its president and CEO back in 1997. To make a very long story shorter, Brzezinski was closely tied to all the names I am mentioning either through roles at the Council of Foreign Relations, or via more intimate and secretive associations. Take into consideration GE and Immelt’s view on China from back in 2010 when he said; “’I worry about China. I am not sure that in the end, they want any of us to win.” Fast forward to 2015 and Brzezinski is pushing for Donald Trump to “outbid” everyone for the presidency. He tweeted this to his followers on Twitter: “What’s better: a billionaire outbidding everyone for the Presidency, or billionaires picking the candidates for the Presidency?” The answer to his feigned query is drop-dead simple – “It doesn’t matter, the same people control no matter what.” And the control processes were put in action once John F. Kennedy was out of the way. LBJ played his role to a “T”, Nixon got too big for his britches and had to go, Ford plated nincompoop in charge to put the plan on pause, and peanut farmer/Nuke sub commander Carter helped roll out the red carpet for our current technetronic society. But I’m getting ahead. The Immuno-Catalyst Let me retrace a step to the associations of Gates, Ballmer, and Immelt. And most importantly, the current healthcare/pandemic crisis some experts believe is an induced one. Remember Gates’ pal Immelt headed GE Healthcare, which entered an agreement with Gates back IBio to commercialize the iBioLaunch vaccine manufacturing platform. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has funded iBio Pharma, which has been in recent news because of President Trump grandstanding about a COVID breakthrough. The company is one of those focused on vaccines against the coronavirus. And if you’re getting lost in this maze of technocrats, now it’s time to interject another key player named Warren Buffett. Buffett, who for all intents and purposes owns IBM, is another link in what we should call the Brzezinski Plan for world domination. Remember, it was IBM that teleported Bill Gates out of brainiac obscurity back in 1980. It is not common knowledge, but the last Watson family head of IBM, Thomas J. Watson, Jr. served as US ambassador to the Soviet Union from 1979 to 1981. It was the ideas and ideals along with the patriotism of the latter Watson, from which people like Brzezinski convoluted the notion of modern democracy. Thomas J. Watson Jr. was also central to the administrations of L.B.J., Nixon, Ford, and Carter. Moving forward, most people are unaware, that Warren Buffett is also the biggest contributor to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (more than $30 billion). And in this, we see how the “system” of control gets its continuity. Finally, it was the Brzezinski plan that delivered us to the current sorry state of democracy. The former advisor to key presidents not only helped devise the plan to shift the world’s ideologies and social structure, but he also helped empower the super elites running the show, and the lower-middle class minions who would stoke the forest of orchestrated rebellion. When asked how he would deal with the super-rich, Brzezinski differentiated people like Warren Buffett and Gates from the rest, while at the same time feeding the mob that Trump now leads and the left learning hordes on the left hanging: “It would be increasingly helpful if there was a movement to publish, worldwide, lists of those who make, largely through speculation, enormous amounts of money almost instantly, and hide the fact from their social context.” A Government of Business Power So, a ruling elite was and is to be lifted, isolated, and protected using demonic intimidation from every vector. Today’s dog and pony show across western capitals have roots in Rockefeller’s and Brzezinski’s Trilateral Commission, established to help put in motion the tenets from the latter’s Between Two Ages manifesto. If I throw in the fact that the Trilateral Commission’s notable member list includes such notorious super-rich as Jeffrey Epstein here, I’ve no doubt the reader will be overwhelmed by the scope of this “plan” for turning the world upside down. Finally, the academic Noam Chomsky once criticized the commission’s goals as undemocratic saying the publication of the organization, The Crisis of Democracy reflects how modern democratic systems are not democracy at all, but systems controlled by elites. And the Rockefeller Foundation’s support of the various German eugenics programs and the connections to Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele and Auschwitz tarnish anyone and everyone associated with Rockefeller, and the ruling elite of this new “modern ideal” or technetronic society. In his 1980 book With No Apologies, Republican Senator and presidential candidate Barry Goldwater called the Trilateral Commission: “A skillful, coordinated effort to seize control and consolidate the four centers of power: political, monetary, intellectual, and ecclesiastical in the creation of a worldwide economic power superior to the political governments of the nation-states involved.” The Brzezinski Plan for new democracy is the liberal world order’s plan for humanity. It’s a process that’s been going on for decades, one centered around and dependent on the puppet President Donald Trump. You see, I believe it is Trump’s mission to utterly destroy the very social class of people he is supported by. It is the only idea that makes sense if you examine the loosed cannon idiocy of an otherwise shrewd businessman. What better way to bury the working class who have been bred, reared, and marginalized into mediocrity than to create a revolution against everything they stood for? The Confederate flag, the statues of heroes, the race issues resurfacing, riots, discord, snarling and biting at anyone and anything that is not TRUMP! Real Death, Real Fear, Real Monopolization For this Technetronic Era to culminate in a Utopia for the ruling classes, a pandemic was set loose, a very special kind of virus engineered (probably) for segmenting society. The hard-nosed working class would shun the femininity and weakness of mask-wearing, while the ultra-liberals at the other end of the spectrum would thrive on the morality of caring – and on winning against the callousness of right-wing discord. As I try to explain to those who ask, the situation today is a perfect storm of social upheaval engineered to bring in this new society. You see, both sides of the COVID argument are right – and wrong – at the same instant. This is as it was planned. Bill Gates and his monopoly on vaccines and the health community can hide in plain sight, while Trump’s and Biden’s handlers rake in hundreds of billions playing the dynamic markets. Watching it, at least from my perspective, is like watching the pressure in a boiler build up past the red danger gauge on the outside. In Hitler’s Shadow we find the depth of the US deep state and Brzezinski’s role in the planning for the new world without the Soviets (Russians) in the picture. There’s limited space for describing a CIA operation codenamed AERODYNAMIC which was the forerunner for transformative/revolutionary efforts in the CIS including Georgia, Ukraine, and now Belarus. The reader should understand that Brzezinski, and his father before him, were central figures in a movement to subdue and subdivide the Soviet bloc, and later Russia and her neighbors. No one reading this will know of a man named Mykola Lebed, who operated alongside Joseph Bandera and with the backing of the OSS and later the CIA. He immigrated to the United States because of his importance to the CIA and the deeps state, even though he was in league with the worst Nazis who ever breathed. Brzezinski broadened the scope of AERODYNAMIC, which was in league with former Nazi sympathizers to upend Stalin, and then later Soviet leadership. The history of it is all a deep well no single volume could encapsulate. Again, I have fallen too deep into the rabbit hole of the order, but the reader can observe via this CIA document bearing Brzezinski’s authorship how the plan for today was set in motion decades ago. Trump is destroying the Republican Party for good. Technocrat Bill Gates has monopolized immunization and will leverage it for this new Technetronic Society. The money and power behind this forceful transformation of our society are incalculable, mostly unseen, and probably unstoppable. Think about it, a plan to take over the world put in place decades ago, a plan hardly anyone notices because of its incremental, indomitable, and relentless nature. Sounds conspiratorial, doesn’t it? Well, conspiracies killed Caesar and overthrew the Czar. Conspiracies were the seeds of the American Revolution and the French one too. What? You think control is just a roll of the dice?

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wolfpawn · 5 years

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 49

Chapter Summary - Tom spends time with his family while Danielle spends time alone.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

I doubt the real Emma Hiddleston is like this, but we will just go with this for now.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“So, how was sharing the bachelor pad with a woman?” Tom frowned at his sister. “No one, not even the world-famous Taylor Swift, was allowed stay there more than a weekend, yet Danielle remained there for over a fortnight, and your words earlier were, and I quote, ‘to not let her get sick of you’ meaning you were completely at ease with her being there.”

“Well, for the record, Taylor never even went to my house, we came straight here, and you are making me sound like some sort of philanderer.” Tom retorted. “It is not a bachelor pad, I just didn’t want just anyone invading my home.”

“Ah, so good then?” Sarah smiled. “I’m glad. For the record, she is the first woman in years that I actually think is good for you.”

“She is the only woman in years other than Taylor, I haven’t had a relationship in quite some time.” Tom pointed out.

“Stop it, Tom, you know what I mean, she is ambitious but not in a way where she will ever use your name to get ahead, she is smart and she can see through Bull and call people up on it.” Sarah looked out on the water. “It’s all you could want.”

“She is more than that, fun, funny, happy, careful yet carefree, and she just...there is something so soothing about being around her. There is so much noise and bright blinding lights in my world, yet she just somehow manages to sit there and when I am with her, it doesn’t seem to overwhelm me as much.”

“Aw, my brother is smitten, it’s actually so nauseating.” Sarah joked. “Well, in case you didn’t know, the feeling appears to be mutual.”

“Wait, did she say something when you were shopping?”

“Say, no, she said nothing. Her demeanour and smile, however, said everything.”

“When was this?”

“After your joke about her being the underpaid minion forced to do your shopping, she was smiling like an idiot at the phone, unable to stop herself, it was adorable,” Sarah informed him, laughing slightly when Tom’s face lit up at her words.

“Elle?” Tom walked in the back door of Danielle’s home with a well walked and happy Mac by his side. He could see from the used plates that she had eaten something, which was something of a relief to him. Listening intently, he heard her shower upstairs, so he decided to go and collect the rest of his things to bring over to his mother's. When the shower turned off, he smiled, imagining Danielle dripping wet and smiling as he hoped she would be, being back at home and having all of her work completed. “Elle, I’m in the hallway,” he called out, not wanting her to get startled if she heard him.

“Okay.” was her reply. “You going to your mum’s?”

“Yeah, I am going to catch up with everyone for a while.”

“Good, have fun.”

“Are you going to come by?”

“Maybe in a little bit,” the door opened and she stood in front of him with only a towel on, trying to get the excess water out of her hair. “It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, so I need to sort out a few things here, sort the electric bill and all, post a few things that need to be done by New Years and get a bit of a shop done, I may have eaten everything in the fridge.” she smiled.

“You haven’t paid your bills?”

“I have, they are all direct debit, but I like to organise them all because I am a weirdo who likes to see where I spend my money.”

“My accountant would love you, in fact, he would get down on bended knees and ask you to have a stern word with me.” he grinned, leaning down to kiss her. “So, will I see you this evening?”

“More than likely then,” she nodded, smiling back at him. “Had you guys a nice walk?”

“Great, we had Sarah with us too, and for the record, you are still “Ellie”.”

“I was hoping she wasn’t calling me that still.” Danielle grimaced.

“She is the Duchess, she calls anyone anything and all we can do is accept it.” Tom smiled. “She thinks it is ‘Euch’ that we kiss now, but is far happier about this.”

“That’s because I don’t call her stories stupid and allow her some time with her uncle unsupervised. Speaking of which, go have some time with your family.”

“I will talk to you in a small while, alright?” Tom kissed her again, smiling happily before turning and going down the stairs with his suitcase.

When she heard the door close, Danielle inhaled deeply, the smile she had forced onto her face long disappeared and went into her room to get dressed.

“So when is Elle coming over?” Diana asked after Tom had polished off three cups of tea and two slices of cake.

“Later, she wants to organise the house and get some shopping in,” Tom responded, putting his plates in the sink.

“Better to do it today than tomorrow, the town with be hectic.” Sarah agreed. “You not going with her?”

“She looked like she wanted some time to herself, she has been so busy with work that I think she hasn’t had time to just relax for ages, the closest she had to it was going shopping with the two of you and the week before Christmas on Oxford Street is not what you would call relaxing.”

“We had a good time.” Diana smiled, “But it is healthy to spend a few hours apart too, not be stuck on one another. Remember last summer, the furthest you were allowed go when you were here was to the shop with Jack to get some barbeque meat. That is not healthy.”

“Can we not mention the farce that was last summer?” Tom grimaced. “I am trying to pretend I didn’t almost lose my marbles.”

“Good plan.” Jack agreed.

For the first winter in years, it wasn’t stormy or freezing cold coming into Christmas, it was, however, wet. Danielle cursed herself for not hiring a car for the Christmas, since knew she would never drive the Jag and now with giving time for Tom to spend time with his family, it meant she had to cycle to and from the village, something that would not bother her, had it not been for the rain that seemed to be in extortionate abundance around her.

She knew Tom would be spending time alone with his family, and in truth, she wanted to have some time to herself too, but Emma’s almost demanding it caused her to feel upset, not knowing what to do about it all. When finally she got home, she brought in the bike and looked at the water dripping from it onto the floor, her vision blurred. She liked being alone, she was used to it, she was an only child after all, but she had seldom felt lonely, but at that moment, as she placed her shopping on the table, she felt very much isolated.

Looking at her phone, she noticed there was a missed call from Tom and then a message,

Tom - I hope you are having a lovely day Darling, we are going to be having a few drinks and probably a movie later, come over when you are done, everyone cannot wait to see you. Xxx

Danielle just looked at the text before turning her phone on standby and continuing to unpack her shopping. When she had that finished, she went upstairs and walked into the study room and stared at the bookshelves, inhaling deeply, she decided to reorganise them, she had new plans, and that meant an overhaul, it also meant she could keep her mind of Tom, Emma and the Hiddleston’s in general.

She had been so lost in thought, Danielle never realised her phone was ringing, clicking the answer button, she put it to her ear without checking who it was. “Hello?”

“Hello beautiful, how is your day going?”

“Fine, yours?” she put the phone between her ear and her shoulder and continued putting books on the shelf.

“Wonderful, it is so good to finally have some time alone with my family again.” Danielle froze at those words. “When you are going to town, let me know, I’ll drive you. It’s too wet out.”

“I already went.”

“What?”

“I went already, a couple of hours ago in fact, actually, I need to dry the bike, I completely forgot about it.”

“Why didn’t you ask one of us to drive you in, Elle you must have gotten soaked.”

“It’s fine.”

“Did you have a shower after?”

“No.”

“Elle…” her nostrils flared slightly at his scolding tone. “You should have said something, darling.”

“I needed the air.”

“Usually I would agree, but it has been bucketing all day, you cannot do that, you’ll catch your death.”

“You don’t get sick from being out in the wet Tom.”

“You know what I mean, it can’t help.”

“I am actually sort of in the middle of something here, can I call you back later?” she asked, not wanting to talk on the phone any longer, hearing his voice made her lonely for him.

“Sure, when you're done, come over, alright?” Tom had to force himself to control his voice to not show how taken back he was by her cold demeanour.

“Yeah, I just have my head in something here and I want to get it done, I will come over then,” she replied, doing everything she could to not sound so distant. “Have fun with your family, Tom.”

Tom did not get to say anymore before the line went dead, leaving Danielle looking at the device in her hand as the screen faded from ending the call. She simply looked around for a moment before going back to the job at hand.

“Is Elle coming for dinner?” Diana asked as she was plating up food for her children and their husbands.

“I’m not sure,” Tom admitted, half forgetting about Elle and her slightly odd behaviour since he knew when she was organising, she became somewhat one-track minded and having spent an hour playing card games with his niece.

“Well check.” His mother ordered.

Taking out his phone, he realised it was four hours since he had spoken to Elle and pressed the redial button on her number.

“Yes, Tom?” Her voice was distant and echoing as though on loudspeaker, the music in the background confirming it, as well as the sound of plates moving around.

“Hey.” He smiled on hearing her voice. “You having a mini-concert for yourself there?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, the sound of her sucking on something interrupting her words. “Sorry, burnt my thumb on my lasagna dish there.”

“The music,” He explained, “No worries darling, I was just ringing because mum was asking if you were going to join us for dinner.”

“I already ate, I am just putting the leftovers into different boxes for freezing,” she stated. “I am actually feeling sort of tired, I am going to head to bed early, I will see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Elle, it’s only eight, you were in bed until near midday. Are you okay?”

“Yes, you goof, I’m just trying to catch up on sleep.” she laughed slightly. “But thank you for worrying.”

“Do you want me to come over when I am done here?”

“Tom, spend some time alone with your family. I will still be here tomorrow. I know my bed is comfy, but I am sure your one there will do you tonight.” her tone light. “Will you really miss me that badly for one night?”

“I think I may,” he admitted.

“Well, I won’t lie, that’s a nice thought, you missing me. Goodnight Tom, have a fun evening with your family. I love you.”

“As I do you.” He returned. “Get some good sleep.”

“I will with you not hogging most of the covers.”

“I do not.” he declared indignantly.

“Yes, you do.” she began to laugh, but then it turned to a yawn. “Night Tom.”

“Night, Elle.” he waited for her to hang up and looked at the phone.

“Tom?”

“She had dinner and is catching an early night for herself, she said she will come over tomorrow,” he responded getting up from the table and going to the back door and going outside for a moment, looking over at Danielle’s.

“Hey,” he turned to see Sarah looking at him from the back door, “you okay?”

“Yeah, I just am worried about her.”

“Why, because she is going to bed early and wanted a day to organise herself? You’ve never been one to be stuck to another person.” She looked at him.

“She’s listening to sad songs.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Danielle is a person who shows her emotions to music, she is listening to sad songs, meaning something is bothering her,” Tom explained. “The fact they are sad love songs is making me worry.”

“Are you sure it is not just the radio playing random songs that just so happen to be those?” Sarah challenged. “You said yourself today that she has been pulling twenty hour days trying to get her paperwork done, she is probably exhausted, you cannot recover from that in one sleep in, especially when you did not get here until what time last night?”

Tom nodded, knowing it was true. “You’re right, I just don’t want to overwhelm her, but I really want her to know if there is something she is worried about, she can come to me. I think sometimes that she is scared I will cast her aside if she tells me things. ”

“Well then tomorrow, when you see her, tell her that. Telling your big sister while you stare at her bedroom is not how you deal with this, now get in and get some dinner and stop staring at her window, it’s weird.”

“Yeah.” Tom nodded, sighing loudly, before going back into his mum’s.

On the other side of the fence, in the other house, Danielle placed the lasagna dish to soak and covered the different portions of lasagna and put them in the fridge for the following days before taking her phone off the counter where she had placed it after Tom had called her and walking over to her laptop, x-ing off the youtube page she had been using to play different songs, as she looked around her empty house, where she only had her dog as company, after getting used to Tom’s presence for the two weeks previous, feeling a little lost in herself.

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 49 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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soveryanon · 5 years

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Reviewing time for MAG134 /o/

- WOW is season 4, so far, the “Learning About Rituals” season. More about Fears politics, yes!! And new names! “Mother-of-Puppets” is such a wonderful name, and I love that it tends to be described as a “she” by people who know a bit about it (Oliver had referred to her in the feminine form too). Jon uses “it”, uses “the Spider”, but in his mind, it’s probably more… masculine?, given how he (almost) met “Mr. Spider” as a kid…

(MAG134) PETER: There are two Powers that, to my knowledge, have never attempted to fully manifest, never had followers set them up for a ritual: Mother-of-Puppets, and Terminus. The Web, and The End. The Web, I’ve never really been sure about: if I were to guess, I would say it actually prefers the world as is, playing everyone against each other, and so on. The End, on the other hand… The End doesn’t really need one: it knows that it gets everything eventually, so why bother. The End manifesting would not be a new world of terror; it would be a lifeless world. Devoid of everything. MARTIN: … Including fear. PETER: Exactly. It has no reason to truly attempt to enter our world, it’s… passive. But The Extinction… The Extinction is… different. It’s active. It will seek to create a lifeless world, in a way that none of the other Powers ever would. Some interpretations suggest it might replace us with something new, that can then fear annihilation in turn. But I and those like me would rather that did not happen.

It makes so much sense for The End!! I’m… however a bit surprised about The Web, though that tracks; but Peter’s overall tone was… way less confident on that one, and I can’t help but wonder, too. Why would The Web not attempt its own ritual? Because it requires a bit of free will to play with, and the success of a Web ritual would mean annihilating any?

I had already got the impression that what Raymond Fielding did at Hill Top Road (MAG059) was a draft or an experiment, in a small microcosm, of what a world under The Web could be like; but now, even more, if The Extinction is confirmed… I wonder if the Fifteenth couldn’t be a deal-breaker, for The Web: if this couldn’t push it to change its mind and decide to set up its own ritual after all, to pick controlling everything over letting everything get destroyed?

- And once again, I’m reminded of how close The Web and Beholding seem to be:

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from. PETER: You should watch out for that. Could be something dangerous. MARTIN: Sure.

It’s something I had wondered about Jon too: of what he does and thinks, what is coming from his “Insights”, and what is… the Web pulling strings? So far, I got the feeling that Insights give you a certainty: this is a Truth, a knowledge, there is no room for doubt about that piece of information. The Web… pulls you in a direction/makes you do something, and leaves you room to rationalise your actions yourself. What Martin described sounds a lot like how Trevor had described the Web’s effects on him:

(MAG056, Trevor Herbert) “she locked eyes with me. The weirdest sensation began to flow through me; I wanted to leave. It wasn’t like with a vampire, where I would feel like I’d been spoken to. This was just a sudden awareness of my own desire. I’d been sober for three years at that point, but I felt like I desperately wanted to get high, and I knew that the best place to get some was out in the night. Looking back, I think it might have been my own mind rationalising the way I felt my will being tugged out of the room, but it was still very powerful. If I hadn’t had a lifetime’s experience of identifying and fighting off the effect of the vampire’s gaze, I probably would have done it, too.”

Martin did something, didn’t know why, tried to find explanations as to why he did it but explicitly said he wasn’t sure about it. If it was Beholding, I feel like he would have been certain that his actions could have the result they did. The fact that Peter was suspicious of it, and not… directly associating it with one of Beholding’s powers (and given how he told Martin that he needed someone from The Beholding: it would have been a good, natural thing!), seems to confirm that no, it’s not Beholding, it’s something else.

And if it’s indeed The Web, it means:

* that The Web is still around, and still… “doting” on Jon a bit (or at least making sure he’s still in the game). The Web likes/needs/gets its kick with Jon – it had already sent Oliver to wake him up, it made sure that Jon wouldn’t stay stuck forever in the coffin… although it had helped him to go inside. I doubt that it just ~likes~ Jon and wants to cater to him, it’s probably more… curious? about his courses of actions (since it helped him to get Daisy back and ensured his return), but at the very least, it factored Jon in.

* that The Web is able to influence Martin, even with Peter being around. We could still get Web!Martin, people!! Maybe. (Please?) (Especially given that!! If The Web and The End ~don’t have a ritual~: Jon is close to Georgie, and met her after she had been marked. And Martin has always liked spiders, since he was introduced…)

* -> The Web is also getting the information about the new Fear. If it’s real, if Adelard is not mistaken: then The Web is the strongest candidate to want to stop it, is getting all the information… and hasn’t explicitly warned Jon about it, but has nonetheless given him information about how Gertrude stopped rituals (sending him her tape about The Flesh). Slowly training Jon in that regard, maybe?

- … Given how Peter thought that The Extinction could have once been part of The End before it took its independence… I wonder if this could be the case for The Eye or The Web, too, or if they might be currently merging? Mostly because of new technologies and means of communication, because our societies tend to associate control and knowledge – through surveillance?

There is the matter of how The Web and The Beholding both give information – as mentioned above, they’re pretty close. Both have pushed Jon to learn more about the rituals and, if Jon indeed belongs to Beholding, he also has a strong connection to The Web due to his childhood encounter. Peter specifically asked Martin if he had been “compelled” – and until now, the words “compel” and “compulsion” were… Archivist things, the way he forces people to answer his questions. The spiders have been invading the Institute for a long while; Elias has never done nor mentioned anything about their presence nor about Jon’s backstory (but did tell Jon: “And your will is still your own, mostly.” That “mostly” sounded very…) (SomethingsomethingTaperecordersandtheWeb, too, but that’s for another post that I swear I’ll try to finish before it’s completely debunked... as I have been telling myself for the last three months.)

… Interestingly: Peter does not sound comfortable with it, doesn’t sound like he regards it as a potential ally (“something dangerous”). If it’s indeed The Web: does Peter fear to be manipulated himself? Does he dislike The Web due to personal reasons – did Gertrude use it against The Lonely?

Then, it’s possible that The Lonely and The Web are naturally antagonistic (like The Vast and The Buried), or at least a bit opposite on the spectrum of colours-that-hate-me? We know that The Web and The Desolation were mostly enemies through Raymond Fielding and Agnes Montague, though it could have been a personal conflict rather than a visceral feud, but then… Since The Web, by essence, relies on connections and different instances (puppeteer/puppet(s)) while The Lonely is, er, a bit more individualistic and about cutting someone’s ties with everything else, I could see them pretty much opposite, even passively? If Gertrude didn’t use explosives against the Lukases’ ritual, I wonder if she used something having to do with The Web to neutralize it…

- There is some extra hilarity around the concept of The Web snatching Martin right under Peter’s nose and getting him as her avatar while Peter was pushing for Martin to join the Lonely, because… remember the circumstances of Peter’s first appearance? He had (presumably) fed Brian Finlinson to The Lonely in MAG100. Brian who was… precisely pursued by Spiders. So, Peter had whooshed Brian while The Web had laid a claim on him.

The Web in season 4: Forgive and forget? AHAHAHAH NO, RESENT AND REMEMBER, FUCKER.

- I love how we invariably go back to “gERTRUDE–” when we learn new things about what she did. Adding to the long list of rituals she took care of, she derailed or at least made sure that The Lonely lost its chance in this round:

What have you done this time, and when will we learn about that one, and how: through a statement from Peter himself? Through Jon finding a statement left by a witness, in the Archives? Is it why Peter is so cheery nowadays while he used to be described as stern and austere, did the derailing of the Lukases’ ritual somehow make them more emotional and human?

I’m also AWWWW. that the Lukases have a pet-name for their god, “Forsaken”. The word was dropped in a few statements regarding their… activities:

(MAG013, Naomi Herne) “It made me feel utterly forsaken. I started to run, following as much of the road as I could see in the hopes of getting to the other side, but there seemed to be no end to it.”

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “I had plenty of food and water, so starvation wasn’t a danger; but sometime in the first week, the clock stopped working. With no timepiece and… nothing left outside of the sun or moon, keeping any sort of time at all became utterly impossible. If I had to guess how long I spent in that strange exile, I would say between three or six months, but that is based solely on my eating and sleeping patterns, which were largely filled by despair and that quiet, aching terror of being utterly forsaken.”

I wonder if one of the Lonely statements we got already contains a hint as to what happened… Did Gertrude do something to Peter’s boat when he was bringing her back from the Great Twisting attempt in Sannikov Land? (We’re not sure about the exact date, it was sometime between October 2009 (MAG126’s statement) and 2011, since Leitner told Jon in MAG080, in February 2017, that he had met Gertrude six years ago, when she had lost her last assistant.) Or did it have to do with Sean Kelly (MAG033), when he disappeared in Autumn 2010? Could it have been through Evan – Gertrude finding a runaway Lukas and convincing him to turn against his family because it would protect Naomi? She was still alive when Evan Lukas died, since Naomi’s statement took place in January 2016 and she mentioned that Evan had died one year prior, while Gertrude herself died in March or May 2015. (Though Gerry and Jon’s discussion about the Lukases implied that they had taken care of killing him, or at least that seems to be Jon’s theory…)

At least, Gertrude hasn’t apparently exploded Peter’s boat, since Jon mentioned that it was still active back in MAG033. So maybe no plastic explosive this time, unless she bombed another of their place of power which wasn’t their house or the boat. Still: Gertrude, what did you do.

- Well, no: the big Mystery, regarding Gertrude derailing The Lonely’s ritual is… not so much that she did, because el-o-el Gertrude., but… how come the Lukases are still financing the Institute? How did you manage to pull that one off, Elias?!

I’m legitimately baffled that Peter seems to imply that maybe Elias would have moved a finger to stop Gertrude if he had understood how much of a threat she was, because… as much as Elias is “not exactly big on action” (Mary Keay’s words), I really doubt this one had to do with ignorance or an ~accidental~ lack of oversight. Elias didn’t have any reason to stop Gertrude when she was eliminating the concurrence? Somehow, however, he indeed managed to do something particularly impressive, in the fact that… nobody seems to be holding a grudge against him? Jude Perry clearly cheered at Gertrude’s death, yet hadn’t apparently tried to burn down the Institute or anything, and even considered that she owed Elias one for killing Gertrude, ergo she didn’t Take Care Of Jon although he pissed her off. Did Elias himself leak the rumours that he was behind Gertrude’s death, in order to get some sympathy/tolerance from the other avatars?

But the Lukases, really? How did Elias manage to get them to give money to the Institute even though an avatar (unwillingly) affiliated to Beholding had made sure that their ritual wouldn’t succeed during this round of the game? Is it because the ties between Mordechai Lukas and Jonah Magnus, and the founding of the Institute, are too deep overall and that managing to neutralise even your technical allies is regarded as fair game? Is it because there is a deep, visceral arrangement between the Institute and the Lukases (maybe having to do with Barnabas Bennett’s bones)? Did the Lukases only begin to give money because Elias had gotten rid of Gertrude?

It also shed another light on the fact that Elias… wasn’t really keen on allowing Jon anywhere near the Lukases, back in season one:

(MAG017) ELIAS: Do you have a moment? ARCHIVIST: Not really, I’m sort of in the middle of something. ELIAS: I understand, it’s just that Miss Herne has lodged a complaint. ARCHIVIST: A complaint? I could just as easily complain about her wasting my time! ELIAS: That’s not how it works, Jonathan. […] Regardless, I would prefer that you not antagonise anyone connected to the Lukas family. They are patrons of the Institute, after all. ARCHIVIST: Fine, fine, I’ll be more lovely. Now, can I get back to work?

(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: […] In addition to such business ventures, the Lukas family also provides funding to several academic and research organisations, including the Magnus Institute. Much as I want to dig further into this, especially given certain parallels with case 0161301, Elias gets very twitchy when we look into anything that might conceivably have funding repercussions.

(I’m still UGHBVGHBHJ that someone sternly called Jon “Jonathan” at some point, and that that someone was Elias. Jon, you know you effed up when… =D) Could have indeed been “JonATHAN, I need that mONEY, just SHUT THE HELL UP when it comes to them”, but also… something about making sure that some Lukases wouldn’t try to get rid of Jon as retribution, since they hadn’t been able to get back at Gertrude, when Jon was still a baby Archivist in the making and unable to defend himself against Spooks? And is it because Elias hadn’t done anything to stop Gertrude that Peter mentioned that he found Elias to be “protective” of his people, when he first appeared?

(MAG100) PETER: […] Now. Am I to understand: you don’t work here? BRIAN: No… I was just, um… making a s–statement, or, or whatever. Um… PETER: That’s probably for the best. Elias can be quite… “protective” of his people. Never really understood why.

That, or the Lukases had put a Restraining Order on all Archivists From The Magnus Institute at this point.

- It’s something I still wonder about, from time to time: the relationship between Elias and Gertrude. Elias clearly knew a lot more than what he let on, although he admitted that Gertrude “got very good at hiding things” from him (MAG102). It’s also related to what/who Elias is exactly (a thing that body-hops, or has been around for centuries/the creation of the Institute or even before? The actual Elias Bouchard, known pothead with terrible grades, who came to the Institute in 1991 and maybe got a revelation or something there?): did Gertrude and Elias’s relationship change over time? Was Elias still New at the job when Gertrude was operating, and genuinely didn’t understand that she had wrapped him around her little finger until very late? Was it mutual manipulation? Was Elias especially lenient since she was doing the dirty work, while he pretended not to know anything about it? Were they actually… actively collaborating, since Gertrude was apparently keeping her collaborators in the dark from each other – Gerry didn’t know that Leitner was hiding in the tunnels, Leitner didn’t know that she had been travelling with Gerry to stop the Unknowing, neither ever mentioned Adelard and Adelard hasn’t mentioned them either, and we still don’t know whether she indeed burned “Eric’s” page (likely Eric Delano, one of her assistants, and strongly suspected to be Gerry’s father – but since it wasn’t Made Official and Jonny pointedly eluded the question in the season 3 Q&A, I’m suspecting that the page might still be somewhere and that Gertrude might have given him sensible information that she wanted to hide, as another trump card in case… something happened to her). We know that Gertrude’s spending was approved by the Institute, including her travelling expenses (which baffled Jon a lot), and given how Elias overlooked Jon’s journey starting MAG103… it appears that Gertrude and Elias at least had a neutral ground on some matters.

I still hope that there is a tape, somewhere, of their last conversation… (We did get Leitner’s murder live, so hey, we COULD get a tape recording Gertrude’s murder, too. Equality.)

- I already made the compilation here but still: it remains so far HYSTERICAL to me that Peter just can’t shut up about Elias, while Elias… has never ever mentioned Peter. Ever. Do they even truly know each other? Who knows. (Does Elias know. Have they been sharing a flat for the past twenty years without Elias even knowing.)

- I was a bit curious about the fact that… most avatars tend to pun so much about their Patron, but Peter doesn’t really use idioms about being alone or lonely? (I had wondered at some point if “The Lonely” wasn’t actually a misconception and their god/Fear actually had more to do with time, since Peter throws references about time pretty often.)

… And maybe it’s in fact that……………. (it’s atrocious and I hate him)………. the equivalent of Lonely puns is when Peter uses “I” when you would expect him to use “we”.

(MAG108) PETER: Ah, I see. I’m sorry to have disturbed you. It’s one of Elias’s little jokes. MARTIN: I don– What? PETER: Did he suggest you record a statement today? One that mentioned me?

(MAG134) PETER: Martin… it’s going to be decades, if not centuries, before I get another chance to bring Forsaken into this world. […] The point is that, yes, obviously, if I last that long, I’m going to try again.

That. Would be fitting for a servant of loneliness (turning a matter of community/shared work into something individualistic) and I h a t e it…

Though apparently, Beholding is sneaking his way into Peter’s speech pattern too~ It was already there when he was appearing in season 3 (MAG108: “Be seeing you, as it were.” / MAG120: “Look, don’t let Elias get to you.”, “Oh, what’s that look for? You won! I am sorry if it doesn’t look quite like you hoped, but… here we are.”, “Oh, and Elias said you’d probably be keeping a close eye on the Archivist’s condition”, “And don’t look so down!”), but it keeps going:

(MAG134) PETER: […] I’ll see what else I can find to help with your reservations […]. I’m only one person, and I can’t keep an eye on everything.

And that last one was Typical Jon Speech (Jon uses “keep[ing] an eye on” a lot) so =D Peter, Beholding is getting to you, whether you want it or not.

- Another Peter thing is that he tends to use Biblical references, quite often compared to other characters:

(MAG108) PETER: Elias Bouchard, getting his hands dirty. Well-well. Must be the End Times.

(MAG134) PETER: […] he’s in there three days, and then what do you know! He manages to pull himself out of the coffin, like a grubby Jesus. And he even brings a Penitent Thief along, in the form of your pet murderer!

It was a bit blatant with Mordechai Lukas (very Jewish name, and Barnabas’s mention that a judge would never choose his side… felt like clear-cut antisemitism), and religious names were present in MAG033 (Tadeas Dahl’s name, the first mate of The Tundra, is close to “Thaddaeus”, one of the Apostles, “Peter” himself being another one; Jon also mentioned that the boat company was mainly owned by Nathaniel Lukas, “Nathaniel” being sometimes fused with Bartholomew), though Evan and Conrad (Konrad?) are a bit out of the loop. Evan had told Naomi that his family was “very religious, and he never had been”, which sounded like an Accurate Way to describe your family when they’re devoted to a God Of Loneliness, but it looks like they’re still raised digging a bit in the Old/New Testament? Or is it just a Peter thing? At the very least, the way he uses the similes as a frame of reference is quite noticeable.

(Not the first time that we’re meeting avatars with a very personal take on pre-established religion or mythology! Tom Haan from The Flesh was also invested, and The People’s Church of the Divine Host was created by “defrocked Pentecostal minister” Maxwell Rayner.)

- Holy Mew, is Peter hilarious even (especially) when he’s terrifying. There is something so fascinating in Alasdair Stuart’s delivery, and I’m not sure I’m able to pinpoint it exactly, but it’s mostly… the overall bouncy rhythm of his tone, combined with the fragmented syntax? Peter doesn’t pause when you’d expect him to, so there is always an element of sudden, unexpected anomaly? when you follow what he is saying. And that’s even without the CONTENT of what he’s saying, he’s so… savage… and gratuitously shittalking… everyone… while at the same time… being a facsimile of a Good Person Caring About Your Consent And Personal Investment…

(MAG134) PETER: … Look. I’m not gonna pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. It won’t even work unless you’re willing to commit. In any case, I have plenty of preparations to work on myself, before it’s ready. I’ll see what else I can find to help with your reservations in the meantime, mmkay? Just… don’t hesitate too long. We are on a deadline, after all.

Peter “mmkay?” Lukas. (Was it a nod to Martin’s “Mm–okay.” from earlier in the conversation? Because then, Peter plz, you have the same nasty habits of stealing cutesy wording from people around you as Elias, who had stolen Melanie’s “Knock knock?” from MAG098 in MAG104.)

Fear Gods care about your consent, your choices and you willingness to give yourself to it uwu AND I LOVE THAT PETER’S MAIN ARGUMENT AS TO WHY HE IS ~TRUSTWORTHY~ ON THE MATTER OF THE NEW FEAR IS:

(MAG134) PETER: Martin… it’s going to be decades, if not centuries, before I get another chance to bring Forsaken into this world. Your last Archivist saw to that. Honestly, if Elias hadn’t killed that woman, I’d have been very tempted. I warned him she was a danger– MARTIN: Peter! PETER: –but he’s always– MARTIN: Peter. PETER: … Anyway. The point is that, yes, obviously, if I last that long, I’m going to try again. But I’m… rather keen for the world not to end, in the meantime?

Basically: “yES, Martin, I tried to turn the world into a factory farm for my Fear God, and you BET ELIAS’S ASS THAT I WILL DO IT AGAIN if given the chance – so help me get a chance at it?”, with bonus “I’d have murdered that 70-something year old woman, trust me.” Also:

(MAG134) MARTIN: So… so what, you’re afraid of the competition? PETER: Not at all. Honestly, that’s the sort of thing I normally relish; I’ve always been a little bit of a gambler, and the higher the stakes, the better.

yEAH HUM H U M I’m glad that it was confirmed that Peter Is A Gambler, because it was something we could see in Vincent Yang’s story but uuuuh, Peter… Peter… there was something else we could also make of your gambling habits in that anecdote:

(MAG066, Vincent Yang) “I blinked hard as I started to make out two figures above me. One was Salesa, staring at me with an expression of curiosity. The other I didn’t know, though I vaguely recognized him as one of the captains that made port here occasionally – captain Larell, maybe, or Lukas? I don’t really remember. He looked at me, then over to Salesa, shrugged, and handed him a twenty-pound note, before turning around and walking out of the shipping container – which I saw I was once again inside.”

… you apparently bet that the guy would be dead, ie: you tend to gamble on the Worst Outcome and/or you tend to lose. That’s not especially reassuring given what you’re fearing yourself.

(Assuming Elias and Peter indeed know each other and are on relatively good terms: did they have bets on Jon’s overall decisions? Does Peter sometimes visit Elias in prison, did they bet on how many days it would take for him to descend into the coffin? Which one of the assistants would die first? Which Fear would leave a scar on Jon next? Which ritual Gertrude would derail next?)

Peter is terrible and yet, terribly honest about it? I mean, there is obviously a catch, there are obviously things he’s not telling, and you don’t want to trust him, but the comparison with Elias is just jarring. Elias wasn’t especially subtle but he still hid who he was for 80 episodes – we only discovered that he was a Spook himself through Leitner, and Elias would have probably kept up the charade even longer without his intervention. He only admitted to everything when Jon came to confront him with witnesses in MAG092, laying on the table the overall current threat and then… Elias “I should have thought preventing the horrific transformation of our world is not solely my concern!” (MAG102) Bouchard never bothered to mention anything about setting up The Watcher’s Crown, although Gerry mentioned in MAG111 that it would be coming soon-ish, and Peter mentioned that Elias had intended to launch “his ritual” before it wasn’t “an option anymore” back in MAG126. (To Elias’s credits: Beholding’s ritual probably doesn’t count as “horrific transformation” in ~his eyes~.)

There could still be a twist about whether Elias really wants to set up The Rite of the Watcher’s Crown (he… hasn’t been extremely good at making the Archive staff want to help? Honestly, before MAG120, I still wasn’t absolutely sure that Elias was into Beholding in the first place) but. Still. He kept veryyyy quiet about it, while Peter has just casually dropped on the table that yes, obviously, he would have liked to “bring Forsaken into this world” and would like to try again, thank you very much. Peter acts all friendly and faux-caring, hand on his heart and all, while being casually awful, but at least, he doesn’t keep quiet about being awful? He is his own shade of terribleness <33

- Peter’s affableness cracks me up so much (and is genuinely terrifying at the same time! But well: we already know he’s bad news, we already know his family is dedicated to a god of Loneliness, we already know he sacrifices people on his boat, we already know he’s a Spook; it’s the fact that he behaves like a genial uncle which is… hilarious):

(MAG120) PETER: Please, call me Peter. MARTIN: N–no. No, I think I’m okay. PETER: As you like. Look, don’t let Elias get to you. You did very well.

(MAG120) PETER: […] Oh! And if you want to talk to a counsellor, the Institute will of course cover any cost. MARTIN: Hum… thanks? PETER: Don’t mention it. I know how it can be with a new boss. I’d like to help you ease into it.

(MAG120) PETER: Marvellous. And don’t look so down! I know, change can be scary, but eventually it happens just the same. I think we’re going to great things, Martin. Great. Things.

(MAG126) PETER: You talked to him. And that’s understandable, Martin, of course it is! Please don’t think I’m upset, it’s just… not ideal. Shows how much work we still have ahead of us.

(MAG134) PETER: […] I’ll see what else I can find to help with your reservations in the meantime, mmkay?

I can’t believe the Fifteenth Fear wasn’t “Boss who sounds like he just came out of managerial school and learnt How To Try To Pretend To Be Your Friend”. (That “mmkay?” pETER…)

(- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MENTIONING YOU HAVE A ~FAMILY THING~, TO MARTIN, WHO, AS FAR AS WE KNOW, DOESN’T HAVE ANY FAMILY LEFT AFTER HIS MOTHER D I E D A FEW MONTHS AGO, TWO MONTHS AFTER HE LEARNED THAT SHE HATED HIS GUTS BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE THE FATHER WHO HAD ABANDONED THEM WHEN HE WAS A KID… rude, Peter, rude, but then, I guess it was also The Point: even the avatar of loneliness has a family, who sometimes organises gathering. Martin… doesn’t. And isn’t even supposed to talk to his friends and his crush right now.) (Spiders, keep him company? ;w;)

- I have absolutely no idea what Peter’s plan is about and why he needs Lonely + Beholding powers to oppose The Extinction. At least officially, he’s not trying to bring out The Lonely’s ritual since Gertrude ensured that their recent attempt had gone very wrong. If it was about casting it to the Shadow Realm/The Lonely, I understand, but why Beholding…? Is it about neutralizing a fear through categorising it, as Jane Prentiss had mentioned…?

- I LOVE that Peter is so… uncaring and unimpressed with Jon overall.

(MAG134) PETER: And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist– MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] PETER: –who seems hellbent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far. […] Because, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what’s been going on with him, these past couple of weeks. […] Jon wilfully hurled himself into the coffin. I did not intervene, because thankfully, I did not agree to protect your friends from their own idiocy. MARTIN: [HUFF] PETER: Though actually, he gave it more consideration that I thought he would. MARTIN: He’s not a moron. PETER: … If you say so! Regardless, he’s in there three days, and then what do you know! He manages to pull himself out of the coffin, like a grubby Jesus. […] Now, from my point of view, so far, none of this has been any of my business. We have bigger concerns than this little soap opera you call an Archive.

It would make sense that an avatar of Loneliness is especially bored/unimpressed with someone who is doing things out of CONCERN, for people he LIKES and wants to PROTECT because he CARES… but then, Martin is also doing this, and Peter is not ridiculising him (too much) for it. So why the disdain for Jon. Is it because Elias gushed about Jon too much.

- S O B ABOUT THE WAY MARTIN STARTED HIS INTRODUCTION OF THE STATEMENT… because it was textbook “Jon at the beginning of season 3” ;;

(MAG081) [CLICK–] ARCHIVIST: Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Arch– [SIGH] Former Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding a childhood encounter with a book formerly possessed by Jurgen Leitner.

(MAG134) [CLICK–] MARTIN: [INHALE] … Right. Martin Blackwood, Archi– [SIGH] … Assistant to Peter Lukas, Head of the Magnus Institute, recording statement number 0060122.

Martin’s own title for his introduction was “archival assistant”, they both got stuck on the “arch–”… :: Another similarity between Jon and Martin: they can’t pronounce French to save their lives. (mtb.)

- Surprisingly, there was no sound of a ticking clock in the background… So did the episode take place somewhere else than in Elias’s office, this time around? Or has the clock… stopped…?

(I’m obsessing a bit with the clock but it has been there in the background to mean that things were taking place in Elias’s office before. So I can’t help but get plagued by an ominous feeling every time we hear it… but also, here, that we didn’t hear it, when the previous Martin-Peter exchange had it in the background. As if, I don’t know: time stopped and something is in suspension, something that should have happened didn’t, or what small Beholding protection was left around Martin has been stripped down. I don’t know.)

- It could come in handy at some point, since Peter is… not extremely reliable in that aspect, but amongst the things we never really explored, there were the matter of Gertrude and Jon(!)’s “protections”:

(MAG078) MICHAEL: Even with all the protections you have on, I doubt you can survive them now.

(MAG079) MICHAEL: I think I might also kill you. It would be easier than killing the Archivist; none of you are protected down here.

(MAG080) LEITNER: Hardly a book. Barely twelve pages. It is entitled A Disappearance. […] I have found, however, that reading only one or two words is sufficient to hide me from the prying eyes of your master. It allowed me to talk with Gertrude in relative safety […]. […] LEITNER: How did you know I was here? ELIAS: I didn’t. You’re very well hidden. But Jon is not, and he failed to take the same precautions I’m sure you took for granted with Gertrude. I knew he was talking to someone.

(MAG101) ARCHIVIST: But you… you never tried to take revenge on Gertrude? MICHAEL: She knew how to protect herself. She knew what she was creating.

(MAG102) ELIAS: She was… She got very good at hiding things from me.

(MAG113, Adelard Dekker) “I assume whatever ‘surveillance’ meant you needed me to move it, is only keeping track of you, but let me know if there’s anything I need to be on the lookout for.”

(=> Gertrude knew that she was under “surveillance” back in 2012, and she probably meant Elias with that, and yet, managed to escape him more than he’s comfortable with. So it IS possible.)

So: 1°) there are ways to escape Elias’s prying eyes without relying on the tunnels or the A Disappearance book (was it why Gertrude apparently had something against all representations of eyes? She was cutting eyes from her books and Melanie had found eyeless dolls in the hangar), 2°) Jon also had protections on somehow by the end of season 2, without even knowing it, and we never really learn what it was and who was responsible for them (I mean… it didn’t help him when they were attacked by Prentiss? Would have Beholding lifted a finger (... batted an eyelash from its lidless eye.) to save its own Archivist?)

- There is something about the fact that everyone has begun to call Basira “detective”:

(MAG122) BASIRA: Alright. And you don’t know why this guy would have left a tape recorder? GEORGIE: You’re the detective. BASIRA: And you’re sure it was him who left it?

(MAG127) ELIAS: … Good evening. Detective. BASIRA: I’m not a detective. ELIAS: Of course.

(MAG134) PETER: […] I went to help, but was too late. Then, your detective friend– MARTIN: No, she’s not a dete– PETER: –went on one of Elias’s wild-goose chases

But I don’t know if it’s like, a new running gag or something more. On the one hand, even the “… and Daisy” joke turned out to have Something More behind it (when Elias added “and Daisy, I suppose” amongst the Archives’ losses in MAG120, he probably already knew that she wasn’t actually dead). On the other hand, it could also be due to… Georgie’s initial misconception, and Elias and Peter having a very twisted sense of humour: Georgie called Basira “detective” because she assumed she was one and/or because Melanie had snarked about it to her because Basira now “deals in intel” => Elias Saw the whole conversation and reused it => Peter followed Basira when she went to see Elias, and picked up on it too.

Jared had also identified Basira as police, though, and it’s… really strange that Basira, who resigned back in season 2 (more than one year ago!), who wasn’t taken by The Hunt like Daisy, is nowadays perceived as police more than she was before. Coule she be collaborating a bit with Section 31’d officers…? I’m not totally buying the speculation about “detective” being a Beholding title, though I gueeeeess it has that observing/following/trying to uncover the truth dimension to it…

To quote Basira herself: “I don’t know.”

- There were things that I found especially clever in the way information about the new Fear was delivered to us:

* It was the content of a letter addressed to someone who wasn’t the current reader (Gertrude vs. Martin); the letter was reporting the story of someone (Bernadette) who had studied the life of a Millerite. Different narrators, from different times (Martin reading the letter in 2018 / Adelard writing the letter in 2006 / Bernadette living that experience at least a few months prior / the life and disappearance of Garland Hillier from 1844 to 1867), which… could explain, already, if Adelard misunderstood something.

* The Fifteenth Fear is France, and tbh, yes.

* The way Adelard predicted and quickly addressed Gertrude’s objections and pointed out the motifs that we could be tempted to associate to another fear (Spiral, Lonely, End) but also highlighted that their effects were different. Also, in this context: if it had been something due to The Lonely… Peter likely should have been able to tell given the description. He didn’t. So it indeed wasn’t The Lonely (unless he’s misleading us hard).

* The fact that Adelard didn’t even see the Inheritors himself, that they were only described as “There is nothing done in the history of humanity that deserves the things that come after us.” (FROM SOMEONE WELL-VERSED IN HISTORY…), complete with static, was especially chilling? How bad can they be, to reach this extent – especially when Adelard highlighted immediately afterwards the many ways humans could so easily manage to destroy the world and themselves…?

* The whole description of the wrongness of the flat, of the whole not!Paris, was chilling. The stillness and eeriness reminded me of the remains of Pompeii, the cocoons of the bodies that were found?

* And yet, though removed in time, the thing is coming closer and closer:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “I have my suspicions she may find herself disappearing. She has that… quality about her, I’m sure you know what I mean, o–of an unfinished meal. And I can only hope that when the second course starts, she can remember her way back to Garland Hillier’s apartment once more. But of course, the evidence suggests that, in the end, even he wasn’t able to.”

Adelard assumed that Garland Hillier had disappeared because of the new Fear. Bernadette mentioned that she was supposed to meet with a “Monsieur Pinard” and since we didn’t hear about him… we could guess that he was a victim. Adelard was pretty confident that Bernadette, who had escaped once, was still a target and would be snatched soon (and WOW does “the quality of an unfinished meal” feel… like the accurate way to describe a few statement-givers that we’ve met or heard from), and… we still don’t know what happened to Adelard. In the end, because he was researching them, was he consumed by the Inheritors, too…?

(I’m still suspecting that Peter could be linked to the fact that he doesn’t seem to be around anymore: how come Peter knows that Adelard was researching that new Fear? And Adelard had been the only one to use “Terminus” to refer to The End (MAG113), until Peter in this episode…)

- The way Adelard talked about powers:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “I have never envied you your position, Gertrude. I have never coveted your gifts, as I know the terrible costs that come with them. But honestly, trying to get a description of these… things, these ‘Inheritors’ from Bernadette Delcour, made me wish I could just pull the image from her lips, like you would have been able to.”

… Sounds like he indeed didn’t have any of his own and/or is a “neutral” who miiight actually be a bit more aligned than he thinks? He mentioned that unlike Hunters, he wouldn’t be able to kill a powerful avatar (MAG113) and we only know that he was able to use the table against the Not!Them to bind it (MAG078), though he was really wary of the table itself. We know that there is still that Mystery Statement of 1991 somewhere (it could be how he came in contact with Gertrude for the first time?) and we’ll have to learn at some point what happened to him (;; posthumous letter left before he was snatched by The Extinction or something else? … or he became an avatar of The Extinction himself and screamscreamscream) so… we’ll definitely hear yet more about him. But I wanna know, gdi!! >w<

- So. The Extinction it is (complete with a few alternative names: “This is a fear of extinction. Of change […] of catastrophic change. A change in our world that will wipe out what it means to be “us”, and leave something else in its place. The Extinction. The Terrible Change. The-Future-Without-Us.”), unless Adelard misunderstood something at its chore and other characters will be able to correct it. His reasoning makes sense, though, and is very evocative of real-life and modern-era concerns?

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “Mankind will warp the world so much it kills us all, and leaves only a thousand years of plastic behind. Technology will strip us of what it means to be human, and leave us something alien, and cold. We will press a button, that in a moment, will destroy everything we have ever been. Animals are witnessing the end of their entire species within a single generation. These are new fears, Gertrude, and a new Power is rising to consume them.”

And… given that MAG134’s letter (“dated 22nd of January, 2006”) was apparently anterior to MAG113 (“Statement undated, likely circa 2012” – well, assuming that Jon is reliable in dating papers since… if he had a degree in that, we would know.), and that Adelard had noted in MAG113 that Gertrude was “dismissive of the possibility”… it really sounds like there was something to do with the phenomenon of the old generation not being very anchored in the world’s current concerns? Gertrude was amazingly good at handling the Fears, she had fifty years of experience with them and… it would be understandable that, at the same time, she would have overlooked the possibility of a new one, feeling that this wasn’t anything new, that it could be categorised in the pre-existing ones.

If Adelard nailed it and if this Fifteenth power indeed exists… it means that we’ll need a new system to “balance” things out, after Smirke – or maybe it’s precisely because Smirke categorised them so much that what was left at the borders managed to get so powerful? If there is the need of a new Architecture, I’m half squinting at the fact that the Chinese word chosen to refer to Jon in MAG105 could be translated as “architect”, but… I’m still thinking that Basira could end up creating a new equilibrium, since, contrary to Jon, she was immediately good at drawing connections, at understanding how things could work out (e.g. what she noticed about The Dark in MAG108, and how quickly she assimilated the categorisation between the Fears and a bit of their inner politics).

- wOOPSIE does the scale of The Extinction sound like… another category on its own. While The End sounds more like a personal fear, this one is more about a whole community?

I’m still unsure how to categorise MAG065 – “Binary” and MAG122 – “Zombie”; I don’t really feel like either matched this one? I change my mind every time I listen to “Binary” and this time around, I was stricken by simply… how much Spiral it sounded? (Fear of losing one's mind, an incompatibility between two manners of being, Sergei’s reactions which sounded a lot like what Tim had described while in Michael’s corridor.) I really don’t see it as part of The Extinction (or at least not in the way Adelard described it): Sergei had a personal fear of death and ended up experiencing Worse while trying to escape it (which sounded textbook The End), not so much about the fear of being erased and replaced or about a consciousness of the world as you knew it getting destroyed and destroying you at the same time…? Meanwhile, “Zombie” had the replacement motive, but not the narrator’s fear of getting replaced or erased – mostly the idea that everyone else was a fake?

I’m still not sure about these ones and how to look at them, and I feel like it will be the case even when season 5 is over, godsdamnit x””) Everyone has a few of Those Statements that they have trouble categorising, mm? (I know that a lot of people is having a hard time with MAG114’s, which I read as textbook Spiral? But then, I’m at a loss with MAG065 and MAG122, and I guess it’s a good thing, technically, that everyone is at a loss about different ones…)

- However, the way Adelard described The Extinction REALLY put me in mind of… the Not!Them.

Not!Sasha was clear on the fact that it was part of The Stranger, and indeed, its effects (and what feeds it) has to do with the familiar made unfamiliar (MA080: “Once upon a time there was a monster, but no one realised. Sometimes someone did! And then they were scared, so that was good.”). But… when someone is eaten/destroyed/consumed by the Not!Them, does it actually feed The Extinction? Knowing that you will disappear, that your whole existence will be erased and rewritten?

Adelard had tracked the Not!Them for years: did he begin to consider the possibility of a new Fear because of it? Could it be possible that his views of the Not!Them blinded him a bit in the way he tried to define The Extinction…?

- I’m really curious and at the same time NOT to picture what an avatar of The Extinction would be like, if it gets any. (But my brain provides: alt-right politician in nice proper suit, complete with stiff frozen smile.)

- IT MAKES SENSE but in the meantime, I’m still going to laugh (and cry) so much over the fact that… when the series began, Jon’s main concern was to clean and order a dusty shady archive? And now, their main goal has evolved to: they’ll have to fight against the embodiment of the Fear of climate change or nuclear disaster. … Well, Jon had already highlighted how the situation had escalated, back with Georgie in MAG093 and then in MAG117:

(MAG093) GEORGIE: Jonathan Sims, are you trying to save the world? ARCHIVIST: I… Yeah. I… I guess I am.

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: [….] So, I–I guess, sometime in the next few days, I go on a, eh, commando mission to blow up a wax museum. It’s not exactly what I was expecting. F–from an archiving job.

(bABE…) It… does put in perspective why Peter is so dismissive of the Archives’ problems:

(MAG134) PETER: Now, from my point of view, so far, none of this has been any of my business. We have bigger concerns than this little soap opera you call an Archive.

I mean. He has a point, but at the same time, shut up Peter, let us live :w Do we talk about your blatant tsundere crush on Elias, or on your own sense of Drama with your precisely timed entrances? (YES WE DO.)

But. Yep. Oops. If the new Fear is cataclysmic enough to basically erase everything else and play it solo, no wonder Peter is going :/ about Jon’s philosophical dilemma about feeling alone, changing, what is it that make you “human” or a “monster”, etc. (At the same time: shut up, Peter, don’t act as if you’re not responsible for the loneliness.)

… I wonder if we’re heading towards a “lesser of two evils” deal and this could be the way to get Jon to… willingly try to participate in the Watcher’s Crown…? (I gueesssss that there is still a possibility that the Archives team would manage to completely neutralise it before it becomes an actual threat, but given that we barely know anything about it and that Elias has kept real quiet about it, I feel like it’s meant to become an actual, real Thing at some point? Given that one of the main themes in season 4 so far, thanks to Melanie, Daisy, Helen, Oliver, Jared and Jon himself, has been around the matter of choices in relation to the Entities, and the idea that although they can influence you, you can also choose what to do with these powers, and the actions you take are your own… it would feel like a step back to have Jon utterly manipulated into being a participant, unaware that he is contributing to this one in the end? So if it’s about choice and taking a dubious option out of despair…)

- I Do Not Like This Mention Of Yet Another Door For Very Personal Reasons:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “It talked of Garland Hillier’s “new revelation”, about the absolute change of the world in terms that seemed at first elegiac, but later seemed… almost panicked, with the final entry simply repeating the words [STATIC:] ‘La porte est la porte.’ ‘The door is the door.’ […] The door had been damaged by the builders who uncovered the place, and there were several distinct gaps in the wood. But as she walked back out, the door appeared to be whole. She ignored it, and left anyways, trying to reason it all as a strange quirk of memory. Just one of those things. […] She was more precise on her escape. Remembering Hillier’s words about the door, she had just enough time to retreat back to the apartment and barricade herself inside. Then, she waited until the entrance changed again, and she could emerge back into the world she remembered. At least, that’s my interpretation of events. […] I may try to interview her again later, though I have my suspicions she may find herself disappearing. She has that… quality about her, I’m sure you know what I mean, o–of an unfinished meal. And I can only hope that when the second course starts, she can remember her way back to Garland Hillier’s apartment once more. But of course, the evidence suggests that, in the end, even he wasn’t able to.

… because who has been strongly associated with “doors”?

(MAG080) ARCHIVIST: […] The door opened, and inside was dark. Against that darkness I could see the thin grey strands wrapped around the limbs of my former bully. And then, from inside, stretched two impossibly long limbs, bony and covered in coarse, black hair. For a second, there was almost the start of a scream, but the legs wrapped around him too quickly, and he disappeared into the doorway and out of sight. It slammed behind him, and he was gone, taking the book with him.

(MAG047) MICHAEL: In any case, it doesn’t matter. The Wanderer had a brief respite, but it’s over now. ARCHIVIST: Well, you’re too late. She– She’s gone! MICHAEL: [DISTORTED LAUGH] Yes… Ah… Did you notice which door she left through? ARCHIVIST: Yes… It w– MICHAEL: [CHUCKLES] ARCHIVIST: … wait! No, there was– MICHAEL: There has never been a door there, Archivist, your mind plays tricks on you.

(MAG078) MICHAEL: You – Need – A door. ARCHIVIST: NO. No, I–I just… I need…

(MAG101) MICHAEL: Good. Right this way. [A DOOR CREAKS] Open it. Open it and this will all be over. […] HELEN: The door is open if you’re ready? ARCHIVIST: No, not, not really, but…

(MAG120) ELIAS: […] There is a door in front of him. A yellow door. He knows the dream it used to lead to; he knows it well. But that’s not where it leads anymore. He does not know what is behind it anymore, and he is deathly afraid of finding out. The Archivist turns away.

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: [SIGHS] It’s… hard. It’s like there’s a–a–a door, in my mind. And behind it, is… i–is the entire ocean. Before, I didn’t notice it, but now, I know it’s there, and I can’t forget it, and I can feel the pressure of the water on it. I, I, I can keep it closed… but sometimes, when I’m around p–people, or–or places, or… ideas, a drop or two will push through the cracks, at the edges of the door. And I’ll… know something. BASIRA: … What happens, if you open the door? [PAUSE] ARCHIVIST: I drown.

(MAG131) ARCHIVIST: I, er… I don’t want to open it! I’m not going to. MELANIE: [SIGH] [KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK] She’s been helping us. ARCHIVIST: It has never helped anyone. Not without a cost. […] Right. [INHALE] [OPENS THE DOOR]

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: [STATIC RISING.] No need for that. I’m willing. [STATIC DECREASES.] [REMOVES THE COFFIN’S PADLOCK] … Right. [CHAIN FALLING ON THE GROUND] [COFFIN OPENING] [CREAKING SOUND]

Mr Spider’s door, which Jon almost knocked on, that swallowed the bully instead of him when he was eight. Michael’s door, which took Helen right in front of him, which Jon had to open to escape the Not!Them, which should have killed Jon another time before Helen replaced Michael and opened another door for Jon – Helen’s own door, that Jon rejected and feared to open in his nightmares, before he agreed to enter the corridors once more in order to meet Jared. The metaphorical door in Jon’s mind, holding back the ocean of knowledge that could drown him. Even: the trapdoor leading back to the Archives, when Tim and Jon went face to holes with Jane Prentiss (MAG039); the door that Jon closed on Leitner alive and reopened on Leitner’s body (MAG080); the door (or trapdoor?) which was the only thing between the group and the Unknowing while Daisy was planting bombs (MAG118); the coffin’s lid, which he opened to join Daisy; the door to Jon’s office, on which nobody ever knocks when they want to find him inside… Jon keeps being surrounded by doorways and thresholds that he has to cross, whose crossings mean a change – whether he loses something or manages to get it back.

I’m… worried about this new door, honestly.

(Because it feels so, so easy and gut-wrenching to picture either Jon or Martin desperately trying to open it while the other is – willingly – staying on the wrong side to try to contain or neutralise these Inheritors…?) (*“Sakura Nagashi” playing in the background.*)

- CHEER UP, BIGGEST TWIST: MARTIN WAS ALMOST JON’S ANCHOR /o/ Looks like he was mostly used as a puppet when it came to saving Jon, but still! (Although yeah, hum, who else could have come to put the tape recorders around the coffin except him? Basira was away. Melanie… probably wouldn’t have been able to WANT to save Jon like Martin did, allowing The Web to pull him towards that action – if it is indeed The Web.) Mayyyyybe Jon was wrong about how he summarised ~Her~, because hum:

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves.

… it really doesn’t sound like that applies to Martin? (It wouldn’t be surprising at aaaaaall that Jon has trouble understanding how The Web works, even more given that he’s “a tiny bit” influenced by it too.)

- I am SO GLAD about… everything about Martin. I am so glad that, although he was reluctant to call that Lonely guy “Peter” at the end of season 3 and is now calling him that way? He’s using that right, that Peter gave him and insisted on giving him, to make Peter SHUT THE FUCK UP and it’s glorious:

(MAG126) PETER: I’m just saying, that we’d all be better off if your Archivist actually knew how to archive. MARTIN: Peter. PETER: … Yes. Well.

(MAG134) PETER: […] Honestly, if Elias hadn’t killed that woman, I’d have been very tempted. I warned him she was a danger– MARTIN: Peter! PETER: –but he’s always– MARTIN: Peter. PETER: … Anyway.

I am SO glad that Martin is keeping a firm grip on the bastard, that he’s unfurling his frustration and snarking and snapping SO MUCH and taking none of Peter’s shit:

(MAG134) MARTIN: And you thought that since I’m so lonely already, I’d be ideal. PETER: Yes! MARTIN: You see, the thing is, Peter, I’m still not all that keen on being part of any ritual you set up. You know, in fact, if I were to be blunt, I’d say that would be suicidally stupid.

(MAG134) PETER: Because, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what’s been going on with him, these past couple of weeks. MARTIN: Oh – oh, yeah, sure. […] What, turning invisible and eavesdropping? PETER: If you like. But… I’m only one person, and I can’t keep an eye on everything. MARTIN: Or… anything, apparently!

mARTIN BLACKWOOD, PEOPLE. (Also, I’m still rolling on the floor that Peter very honestly admitted that he picked Martin because he Smelt Like Loneliness. Peter, you vulture.)

Martin also learnt to Master the unimpressed exhalations and the silences:

(MAG134) PETER: […] And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist– MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] PETER: –who seems hellbent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far. MARTIN: Mm-mm. PETER: … Look. I’m not gonna pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to.

Which reminds me of MELANIE in front of Elias in MAG106 (before, erh, everything went awful.) so clearly, Martin has been upgrading himself. He had always been snappy but he’s getting so amazing at it lately and I… want… Jon… to see that… so much…

(On the one hand, it would probably be a recipe for disaster and arguments. On the other hand, if Georgie is any indication: Jon tends to love A Whole Lot people who don’t take any shit from him and/or could just plainly wreck him (Daisy.) so… I’m just picturing Martin snapping and snapping out of reflex, after months of intermittent cohabitation with Peter, and Jon’s stupid heart jumping to “… dOKI?!”.)

- … Okay, at the same time, panic aboard because Gerry did mention to Jon that the Lukases are good at grooming, and it’s clear that Peter is currently changing strategy:

(MAG126) PETER: You talked to him. MARTIN: I… I, I tried not to, I–I, I didn’t mean to… PETER: You talked to him. And that’s understandable, Martin, of course it is! Please don’t think I’m upset, it’s just… not ideal. Shows how much work we still have ahead of us.

(MAG134) PETER: … Anyway. Point is, I’m not your captor or your torturer. I’m not gonna tell you to stop talking to him, or even saving him if it comes to it. If that’s not a decision you’re willing to make yourself, me scolding you isn’t going to help.

Is this reverse-psychology from Peter? (=> If he sounds less scolding, then Martin will find the idea of talking to Jon less appealing.) Is it a test?

Because overall… it sounds like Peter’s arguments for Martin to not share his information with Jon are crumbling a bit? We got confirmation that Martin tied himself to Peter after The Flesh attack (so it really wasn’t about Jon!!!! It was about protecting the others because Jon… was in no state to!!!!!!!!!), but then:

Peter is good at ~explaining~ why he didn’t do anything with the threats that we witnessed (Breekon breaking in and delivering the coffin, Jon going inside of the coffin and getting stuck there) but… there is no description of the other threats/enemies that Peter supposedly handled. Do they even exist? And, well. Peter only mentions the “big picture” but:

(MAG126) PETER: [LAUGHS] Because, behind all his bluster, Elias’s just like all the rest. He’s so preoccupied playing the game he doesn’t pay attention to the big picture. He managed to convince himself that he could get his ritual off first, which would have made all of this a… bit moot, but that’s not really an option anymore.

(MAG134) PETER: You know what the stakes are now, and I just have to hope you’re with me on this, focusing on the big picture. MARTIN: … Yeah.

… why, then, is he trying to stop the Fifteenth on his own if it’s so dangerous? Of all entities, The Web and The End should be very keen to help (plus, all the ones who lost their chance at their ritual in the current cycle)? And Jon just proved that he is willing to risk his life himself, and Peter has demonstrated that he wouldn’t be lifting a finger to prevent him from doing it… on his own. And Peter, who had accepted Martin’s “advice” in MAG108:

(MAG108) PETER: So your advice would be “less murder”? MARTIN: I… I s–suppose…? PETER: No, no, it’t, it’s a good observation! I thank you for it. MARTIN: You’re… welcome…

… was confirmed (in MAG127) to have wooshed two researchers when Jon was in a coma, and casually mentioned murder intents towards Gertrude. It doesn’t really sound like he’s holding his end of the bargain, does it…?

- Another twist is that, actually, Martin is keeping track of what is happening in the Archives? Which is not what he told Jon in MAG129:

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: If–if you do need to talk, I– MARTIN: I can’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, o–of course. [INHALE] Listen, Martin, you should know– MARTIN: Jon– ARCHIVIST: –Daisy might be alive, Basira is– MARTIN: Stop. Stop, please, I–I shouldn’t know any of this, I… [PACKING UP] I–I–I really need to go, I–I’m… ARCHIVIST: Right. … right.

Was it just because it mattered that Jon was telling him it? Or did Peter inform Martin of Breekon’s presence himself? Or did Martin’s deal with Peter change a bit because Martin coldly asked Peter why there was suddenly a big coffin in Jon’s office.

- … I find it especially interesting that in the summary of the Archives situation during season 4:

(MAG134) PETER: Martin, this is what we agreed. After The Flesh attacked, you came to me. MARTIN: [SIGH] PETER: And I’ve held up my end of the bargain, despite your continued hesitation. Your friends have been largely untroubled by the many – many – enemies that they have made. MARTIN: What about the delivery guy? Breekon. And the coffin? PETER: Was that its name? To be honest with you, I thought it was dead. MARTIN: You thought wrong. PETER: True enough. And as soon as I learned it was here, I moved to intervene, but, well. It turns out I wasn’t really needed. And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist– MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] PETER: –who seems hell-bent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far. […] As I said, one of the last shreds of the Circus delivered a gateway into Too-Close-I-Cannot-Breathe. I went to help, but was too late. Then, your detective friend– MARTIN: No, she’s not a dete– PETER: –went on one of Elias’s wild-goose chases, then Jon wilfully hurled himself into the coffin. […] Regardless, he’s in there three days, and then what do you know! He manages to pull himself out of the coffin, like a grubby Jesus. And he even brings a Penitent Thief along, in the form of your pet murderer!

… Peter didn’t mention anything about Jon removing Melanie’s bullet (and getting stabbed in the shoulder), nor about Helen’s door and her corridors containing Jared. Both took place in the tunnels so, maybe, in the same way as Elias, Peter had trouble using his powers inside of them, and/or knows that he wouldn’t be quite as invisible down there?

I’m really really intrigued about the fact that Helen wasn’t mentioned: is it because Elias and Peter don’t factor her in, since the Distortion is mostly an ~irritant~ and not expected to be helpful? Or are they completely unaware of her presence? It’s unclear whether Martin was aware that Helen was the one who had saved them from Jared, but if he is… same as with Basira who hid it from Elias: he might be hiding it from Peter. Martin didn’t have a great time with The Distortion, but at the same time… Tim and Martin had seen “a woman” wandering in the corridors, when they were trapped inside of them at the end of season 2, and Martin had felt guilty over the fact that they hadn’t saved her:

(MAG080) TIM: […] … Any sign of the woman…? MARTIN: I don’t think so. [PAUSE] We should have helped her. TIM: No. MARTIN: But we could have tried! TIM: How? MARTIN: …

So: can’t be sure on that point yet, there are too many “if”s to be certain (maybe Martin totally missed the fact that Helen had saved them because he was running away and then went to Peter and began to cut ties with Basira&Melanie; maybe Martin knows she’s downstairs and discussed it with Peter but Peter is overlooking her) but… it’s possible that Martin is currently being way more cunning than he lets on. We know he can use his own weaknesses for deception – he demonstrated it in MAG116 – so… Maybe. Maybe he’s a bit less desperate than he pretends to be; maybe it has always been a matter of exerting some control over Peter, of investigating what Peter wanted from him (and now getting all the information he can manage about the Fears’ politics and the Fifteenth), biding his time to get rid of him…? (I don’t want to hope too much, but at the same time… Martin is firm as steel, right now. Even in the trailer, when he almost broke down, he got back on his feet and became firmer after the call. On the one hand, he had all the reasons in the world to be at his most vulnerable, with his mother dying, The Flesh attacking and him proving once again that he couldn’t help, and Jon not waking up, and I’d be perfectly content picturing that he was genuinely desperate and afraid and didn’t have hidden motives when he negotiated Peter’s ~protection~. On the other hand, it’s a constant thing in the series that people and listeners both underestimate Martin Blackwood.)

- I was suspecting that Peter could turn invisible/not be felt while in the same room as others (since he had implied he’d witnessed Elias’s arrest in MAG120), it’s more or less confirmed… though it could be something else entirely given Peter’s answer:

(MAG134) PETER: Martin… My patron, hopefully our patron someday, doesn’t give me any sort of special insights. I’m not quite the accomplished voyeur that Elias was. I have to keep tabs on things the old-fashioned way. MARTIN: What, turning invisible and eavesdropping? PETER: If you like. But… I’m only one person, and I can’t keep an eye on everything.

So that’s probably also why Martin was so stiff with Jon in MAG124 and MAG129: if he knew that Peter could be there and see everything, he had to try his best to be blameless, even before considering the whole “not telling Jon anything for Jon’s own good” shtick. I had noticed that it felt like Basira and Martin were acting as if they were constantly under surveillance (even worse than during Elias’s time!) so given that it seems to be the case… I wonder if Basira is suspecting that, indeed, Peter is sometimes there but you just can’t feel him. Hence her being so careful about what she says, and refusing to say anything meaningful overall.

(If Daisy’s Hunter instincts come back… maybe she will be able to feel him?)

- … And if Peter needs to be there to keep tabs on people… UHUH, is it meaningful that he repeated twice that he was just leaving?

(MAG134) PETER: Right! Then, if you’ll excuse me, I have a family thing to get to. MARTIN: Are we going to talk about Jon? PETER: … Do we need to? […] Okay! Now, I really am running late, so if you don’t mind? [CLICK.]

I don’t want to hope too much about it but: if Martin were to try to make a move to share information or use a back-up plan or something (leaving the tape of his recording somewhere for Jon to find it? Or Adelard’s letter? Or sending something to warn how Peter might be able to spy on the Archives team? Or going to see Jon directly?), this could be the perfect opportunity since… Peter won’t be there to see it. Not banking on it, but. Given that Peter wasn’t especially convincing as a protector and that Jon has demonstrated that he would find danger by himself if left on his own, and that Martin now knows that Adelard Dekker was indeed tracking a Fifteenth power… there have now been enough deal-breaking events and information to want to change strategy; it wouldn’t come out of the blue if it happened soon?

Title for MAG135 is out and HHHHHHHHHHHHH. It. sounds too easy to speculate “The Dark” here but at the same time… AT THE SAME TIME, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT TITLE FOR MANUELA DOMINGUEZ’S STATEMENT??? THE LAST OF THE DAEDALUS SPACE STATION STORIES??? *o* (I… really don’t see how Jonny could find a more perfect title for this one, so? Plus, we haven’t had a Dark statement since season 4 began, so.) If it’s the case, then: the title already contains two meanings; if there is a third one, could be by taking it like… Heavy Unpleasant Discussion before or after the statement (Jon-Basira? … Basira-Elias…………..? We’re definitely due for a debriefing about what Elias sent her to, if his main goal was just for her to leave Jon alone, or if indeed he had her search for something tangible and where and what…)

(Other ~highlight~ of the week: we’re getting Martin’s eighth poem on Patreon on Friday, complete with Discord event dedicated to Martin’s poetry run by Anil, BLESS HIM………………) (/ Curse you all, I’m not in Belgium, I can’t follow the AMA through Aza’s account this time around so that means having to get a discord I guess ;;)

#peter: *ranting for the fifteenth time this month that gertrude could be a danger*#elias *signing the paper approving of gertrude's additional expenses for plastic explosives #with a check from the lukases*: ahah preposterous.#the magnus archives #mag134 #tma liveblog #tma spoilers/#tma season 4 #long post/

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okimargarvez · 5 years

Text

TWIN FLAMES

Original title: Twin flames.

Prompt: post 14x15.

Warning: none.

Genre: sad, angst, romantic.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 49 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 🎵.

Song mentioned: Il confine, Tiziano Ferro.

I had to write this. I was so sad and upset, after the 14 Season Finale. Over all, I didn’t like the focus of the editing on Reid and JJ while Emily explained Penelope theory about twin flames. And no mention about garvez?

I’m writing a sequel.

GARVEZ STORIES

TWIN FLAMES

In the end, Lisa couldn’t get rid of it in time. She called him a few minutes ago to tell him that her turn was over, but she was too tired and preferred to go home. He didn’t protest and tried to ignore as much as possible that sense of... relief that he shouldn’t have felt. When he hung up, he realized that most of the team had gone out onto the terrace to enjoy the coolness of the evening; but his dance partner was missing. He certainly doesn’t expect to find her there, intent on settling, humming something not too loudly.

You know it's there, there's you, for a while, here, no I don’t understand, now I confess you... it is absurd you know, I look for you while, two thousands of you... they turn around me, they talk to me, and I don’t hear them... or maybe I'm deaf, I look at them, and maybe I don’t see them... Penelope doesn't realize that she has an audience, even if made up of a single spectator. The man feels like a thief, because he is taking advantage of an opportunity that surely wouldn’t deserve. But he is incapable of speaking and breaking the spell. She is so good and her voice so sweet, though surrounded by a veil of melancholy. I'd be lucky to have you here, but I can’t cry for you... indefinitely, die here for you... It does not take long to understand that it is a song, or rather, a lament of love. Who is it that could cause her so much pain? The first name that goes through his head is that of the agent who he has replaced three/four years ago, but something inside him tells him that it has nothing to do with it. The boundary between my feelings is so subtle, that I can no longer reason and I don’t understand if I hate you or am in love, the boundary between my feelings is so subtle, that you can get out and enter and I don’t understand if I hate you or am in love with you... This further part, which he recognizes as the refrain, clears it beyond reasonable doubt: the person to whom she refers can’t be Derek. And if it was simply that she likes the melody and the words didn’t matter? But even this hypothesis sees it unlikely, because she is singing with too much intensity, too much heart, to be just an exhibition of skill. I know how you are, you hurt me, first you hurt and then run away, then you come back again... you may have fun, but I don’t, but I believe you... and if you could treat me how you treat the idea of me, I want respect... it's my right... Now he is really sure, it must be someone, presumably a man, but not necessarily, who must have deluded her about her feelings. This thought infuriates him so much that he forgets that she isn’t aware of his presence; he snorts so loud that she hears him. Penelope stops abruptly and turns in the direction of the noise.

They both pretend not to know that he hasn’t just entered and therefore he has heard her sing at least a part.

-Hey.- he says, both the tone and the look a bit embarrassed and nervous, avoiding to ask what she is doing here, while others are continuing to have fun. What could have happened during his short call with Lisa?

-Hey.- she simply answers, continuing her work of cleaning and quickly diverting her gaze. Yet, surely Rossi has called a team that will take care of this task; there is no valid reason why she should stay here, but he doesn’t feel entitled to point it out with her.

But he doesn’t even feel like leaving her here alone. -That thing of the twin flames was very nice.- he says then, the first stupid thing that comes to mind, even if, when Prentiss had made her speech and had appointed the author of that sentence, his heart had jumped and just as she exclaimed "twin flames", he had tried involuntarily to look her eyes on the table near his, but without finding them.

-Yes, a lot.- she comments, with a sadness that just doesn’t suit her. Moreover, after having danced together for practically the whole evening up to the fateful call, after sharing moments like this... intimate is perhaps not the correct term, but others don’t come to mind. In short, after having close her to him, without glasses, without shoes, so deeply natural, small and fragile... it seems to him really absurd that now she behaves with him in a detached way.

For a moment he feels the melancholy voice of her colleague singing and before he can stop himself, he has already asked the question. -And you?- Penelope jumps, risking to drop a glass. A flash passes in front of the man's eyes: the blonde's intriguing smile as she poured out his drink and told him, Cause you asked it so nicely...

Then he returns to the present and sees her keeps the glass in safe, before turning around and standing up, looking directly at him. Something in the tone of the man must have made her guess that behind the question there was something deep and it wasn’t just a simple chat to fill a void or embarrassment. -Me… what?- then she asks in turn, her eyes fixed in his. But there is something different about the dark ones of the blonde.

-Do you think you have one?- Luke answers her with another question. Then, he understands from her confused look that she hasn’t get what he is referring to. He takes a few seconds to clear up. -I refer to the twin flames...- he blushes, because it seems to him a subject so little suitable to get out of his lips, but pray that she didn’t realize it. -Have you ever met yours?- he asks her, then.

Unexpectedly, Garcia's face opens in a smile that reminds to the federal agent the rainbow following the storm. -Oh, Alvez. - the use of the surname snatches a grimace to him too. -I think we all have one, but not all twin flames can be together.- she then says, shrugging her shoulders, with an extremely different tone and certainly not cheerful or joking. In addition, she turns her eyes away from his, drops them to her shoes. -Emily rightly skipped this part.- she adds, raising again for a second the look in the male one, and then making another smile, melancholy. -Being a wedding I would say it was a great choice.- so she seems to decide that there is nothing more to talk about, that the subject has been sufficiently eviscerated and comes back to stoop to continue to clean the place.

-Yeah.- promptly replies Luke, wondering over what he should do, what would be the best move? Certainly, leave her alone, stop insisting, and perhaps, help her settle down, so that maybe she gets convinced to do another waltz... why deny that he enjoyed dancing with her? Both when the rhythms were unleashed and had to fight with Matt to have her, that after, for those moments when had existed only the woman in his arms, but that wasn’t the same woman that now was waiting for him at home.

Surely the male gaze must have been particularly insistent and heavy, because Penelope stops, without any other apparent reason and observes him with a strange and curious expression. -Why are you doing that face?- she asks him, some traces of her usual joking tone. -You're all set, you've been lucky, you've already found your half of the puzzle.- Luke takes too long to understand that she is referring to his story with Lisa, and this should already be enough, as a clue. But he graduated with laude in the art of denying problems as long as possible.

This time, however, he can’t completely pretend. -Yes, here...- he scratches his head, aware of the weight of her eyes on him. He suddenly remembers an incident that happened a long time ago, when she was still calling him Newbie: that time when she started invading him home with gifts for Roxy and accused him of being a liar. Her look hurt and disappointed. No, he can’t allow it to happen again. -I don’t know if we can talk about twin flames...- he therefore says, not lying, but not even choosing the pure truth.

-What you say, Luke?- the problem is that she seems to read him so easily, makes him feel naked, in the true sense of the word, although at the beginning she wanted to pretend to believe he was completely different. -You're not the only one who can see, you know?- she says. -Do you remember how you were when you arrived at BAU?- he just nods. -Solitary and closed; and now?- it can’t be pride, what he sees reflected in her eyes, but it seems, and that is what his profiling manual suggests to him. -You are perfectly integrated into the team and family, and have been living with a woman for months.- she's more enthusiastic about this, and this is not the first time. She seems to want to give him a push, a slap, as if to awaken him from the torpor, as to make him understand the fortune he has and what he has conquered and of which he should be proud. -Lisa must be your soul mate.- then she exclaims, as if she were talking about a fact, as if to say an obviousness, a physical state that can’t be changed, the water is wet and your soul mate must be her. Is it only for this reason that man feels a deep sense of rebellion it's growing within himself? It will only be the fault of a residue of hatred towards dogmatism? -I can’t believe you could be with someone you don’t love with all of yourself.- here's that feeling again. Penelope is undressing him, she is removing every layer of fabric, but she doesn’t stop there, she comes to touch his soul. -You don’t look that kind of man.- the biggest trouble is that she doesn’t even realize it. -Sorry, it's none of my business.- she says, blushing suddenly and turning so abruptly that for a few seconds she seems unable to keep her balance and clings to the counter not to fall. Luke would like to support her, but he can’t even say a word, not at least until she gets up and starts walking, with a step that looks like she's running away.

Then he is forced to recover. -No, Penelope, wait.- he reaches out his arm and his hand rests on the woman's shoulder, which hangs as if paralyzed, but doesn’t turn towards him. And maintaining contact, he notices how hard and tense her muscles are. Like a hunted animal that awaits the fulfillment of its destiny but doesn’t intend to surrender easily.

-Luke, it's better to end it now.- it might seem a supplication, but it is not at all. Because her tone is emotionless, cold, an iceberg that runs through his back entirely. Indeed, as cold as steel, like the blade of a knife that caresses the flesh before sinking.

Despite this, the man doesn’t remove his hand. Nor does he desist, on the contrary, he feels even more urged to scratch the surface. -Why?- he presses her. -Why did you say that not all twin flames can be together?- it is as if he were possessed by another person, he can’t stop himself, he needs to know. -Is yours busy with another person?- he understands that he has hit the point, when the shoulders of the woman lowering in a sad way, before she turns to face him. -Is it... Morgan?- even if he has just discarded it, now he doesn’t feel very sure.

-Morgan?- Penelope repeats, before bursting into a sincere and genuine laugh, as if he had told the best joke ever. -Oh, no!- she shakes her head. Her face has resumed the usual natural color, and perhaps already this should make him happy. It was worth the meddling. -He and Savannah are two halves of the same circle.- she tells him, without any trace of sadness, regret or similar feelings. -He 's my best friend and I love him with my whole soul, but no.- she shakes her head again, as if she couldn’t conceive the idea of them together. -It's not him.- she reaffirms, returning serious and melancholy. Luke can’t bear to see her like that and can’t do anything. And he also hates not knowing the name of the man that has reduced her like this.

-Then, who is?- he insists, with a tone a bit too revealing of his mood. -Your ex-boyfriend? That... Kevin, which JJ told me about once?- already, it had happened during those two weeks in which the BAU had counted three members, JJ, Matt and him, plus that poor man who he couldn’t even remember the name, who was completely listless and had made everyone to miss Garcia. JJ had exclaimed that she would even be able to endure Lynch, because at least he was good at his job, and Simmons, anticipating him, luckily, asked who she was referring to, and so she quickly explained that Penelope and this guy had been together for a while, four years, in fact.

-Kevin?- she repeats, bursting into another laugh, even more intense, so as to bring him back in the present and in the real world. -This makes me laugh even more.- it's hard to get serious, she has to take a breath. -Did JJ tell you that he also gave me a marriage proposal?- Luke almost makes his eyes come out of their sockets, confirming his suspicions. -I imagined it.- she gives him another little smile, this time not of joy, nor of melancholy, rather... ironic. -If he had been my soul mate, I should have said yes and by now I would be Mrs. Lynch, don’t you think?- she doesn’t give him time to replicate anything. Even if, in any case, Luke wouldn’t have been able to say a word, because he was too intent on imagining his colleague dressed in white, a no low-cut dress, a veil covering her face, and whose were the hands that were lifting it? Better not ask it. -No, it's not Kevin.- something in her look changes. She seems to be tired of being the prey, the suspect that is being harassed with too questions. -Why do you care so much about it? In fact, she asks him, showing herself for the first time very self-confident, mischievous and insinuating.

And she gets the desired effect, because the man falters, unable to find a good excuse, that can hold up. -I... I don’t know, I'm just... curious.- a euphemism, but Penelope decides, strangely, to be generous with him.

She sighs, grabs a chair and settles. Luke realizes that she is about to start one of her long, tangled speeches and hurries to do the same. -I can talk to you about him, but I won’t tell you who he is.- she makes it clear. The man nods, deciding to have to settle. -I met him recently, in recent years.- the second given that Luke records in his virtual block; the first concerns the gender of the individual, masculine, as he had imagined. -But do you know what they say in some movies? It's like I've known him for a lifetime.- Penelope's gaze is so in love and dreamy, he has never seen her so, so very authentic, maybe not even when he had seen her cry. There was always a screen, a glass, among them, often not a smooth surface like that of a mirror, but rather opaque, which didn’t allow him to see her for what she really was. -When I look at him, when we speak... only we exist.- but right now, she is looking into his eyes, and in an extremely intense way. -I am perfectly aware that he has another girl and I would never want that he would leave her for me.- she adds, and Luke notices that she doesn’t seem too sad when she talks about her rival. -I don’t know if you can understand that. It's all very complicated, but in fact not even that much.- the hands, who she has moved so much while was opening her heart, now stand motionless on the counter and the man watches them, wondering why he feels the desire to take them in his. -Because when he looks me in the eye, when he looks for my look, when he does everything to get my attention, when he touches my shoulder with one hand, when he hugs me...- a pause, in which she interrupts eye contact with him. -I know it's not just in my head. Which is real even for him, even if, for him, only for those few moments.- Luke feels overwhelmed by the feeling he had felt the first time (and all the following) that his best friend had asked him if his blonde colleague, very pretty, was already dating someone.

-But...- he stutters, struggling to not seem completely stupid. -But this is enough for you? Can you be pleased? You are not jealous?- too questions again. Penelope doesn’t seem particularly angry or annoyed.

-No, I'm not jealous, but you've hit the spot.- she admits, indeed, with a resigned tone. -It can’t be enough for me, because it's like living in a fantasy and when I'm in it it's nice, I'm happy, but then, when I come home... every night hurts more.- she again looks him straight in the eye and pierces him. -So, no, you're right.- she gets up and starts picking up empty bottles, paper napkins. Luke stares at her, more and more confused; he would like to take her by the shoulders, shaking her and asking her how she can confess certain things and then can resume as if nothing had happened. After a silence that seems long hours but that probably lasts only a few minutes at most, she starts talking again, from where she has interrupted. -In fact, these days have made me understand that I have to talk to him and ask him to loosen a little grip, in short... giving me some time alone, a truce, to understand if there is no way to live with this feeling without feeling so bad.- the man looks in her eyes and must seem really very upset, because Penelope feels the need to ask him for forgiveness. -Sorry, I don’t think you expected such a confession.- she chuckles, but it's not a happy laugh. -You arrived at the wrong time.- she shrugs, expecting him to leave now. How long will it have been since he found her humming? Is not strange that none of the other guests even came in to see if they hadn’t hidden to make love in some corner?

In any case, Luke doesn’t seem willing to leave. -No... you don’t have to apologize.- he adds. -I would like... I wish I could do something to help you.- he admits, finally feeling freer, having for once said exactly what he felt in his heart.

He is certainly not prepared for the woman's candid response. -You can.- she says to him, looking directly at him, in that intense way that she makes him feel pure spirit.

-I can?- he repeats, trembling inside, but not giving anything to see outside, unable to take his eyes off those dark ones. -How?- he asks.

-Stop looking for my eyes while we're discussing cases.- Penelope begins to list. -Stop flirting with me.- she continues, her tone harder and harder. -Stop looking at me like I'm a precious thing.- every sentence looks like a fist, a backhand that comes directly to his stomach. -Stop behaving as if we're more than colleagues with a strange friendship.- and yet, gradually, her voice is rife with cracks. -I could bear it when you were single, it was also fun, in a sense, but now you have Lisa.- and he can also read in her mind what she doesn’t say aloud: it’s she who you must look in that way, it's her gaze that you must look for, she the one with which you have to flirt as if you two hadn’t been together for a year... -So... I just ask you to give me space.- from the tone, it might seem that she is crying. But not a single tear runs through her face -And please, don’t deny.- she warns him, with that expression hurt and disappointed, as if he had already done so. -Don’t say that I dreamed everything, because if you did, even just to protect your pride, to not admit your mistakes...- suddenly she changes the verbal time. -If you do it, Luke, you will have lost me forever, in every possible way.- that is no longer the sweet friend who gives him a picture to celebrate his cohabitation with another woman. -Do you think you met the ice queen?- she shakes her head in his place. -You don’t have the slightest idea.- then she turns around, grabs three glass bottles in one hand, a bag in the other and walks off towards the kitchens, where perhaps there are trash cans. She hears the steps of the man chasing her.

-Penelope... this... this means that you think your soul mate is me?- is the obvious conclusion, and yet, how long did he take to get there, to contemplate that option? And then, is not it in contradiction with what she said earlier, that his soul mate was Lisa? But maybe it's all much more complicated than what he imagines. He was never good at philosophy.

-Yes, Luke.- she replies, without looking at him. -I will not do jokes to lighten the atmosphere.- she clarifies, in a cold tone. -Remember that I'm not asking you to upset your life, to break up with Lisa.- but she points out with the sweet voice that hit him immediately, the first time he heard it. -Only, if there would be ever another marriage... well, it could happen, I've never seen Emily so fool for a man...- she says, managing to get lost even in a delicate moment like that. Why he thinks this thing is so sweet? -Well, I will not be able to dance with you all evening and then go home alone. I would like... I would like to believe that I deserve a man who looks at me the way you look at me but who is also at my side when, at night, I wake up because I had a nightmare.- fuck, this is even worse and he, not denying (not he may risk losing her, and it is certain that she would keep her promise) he practically admitted his part, he proved her right. -What I actually ask you is... just a little distance.- she adds, and her request seems perfectly reasonable. -I wished I could be the first to keep you away, and I tried, but you didn’t make it possible for me.- she accuses him one last time, the last jab.

And Luke feels, for the first time really, that he would be able to tell her what he really feels for her, that he wants to be the man who tries to comfort her the night after a nightmare, every night, after every nightmare. And all that follows. -Penelope, I...- but he understands that it would be an even more selfish act than what he did up to a few hours ago, keeping two women suspended at the same time, and not even to feel a cool, macho conqueror. So, he keeps silent.

-You don’t need to say anything, really.- she nods, perhaps still reading his soul as if it were an open book. -Just let me go.- she swallows. Penelope closes her eyes, doesn’t understand how the heart can continue to pump blood along her body. -If you don’t really want me, if you don’t want me fully in your life, and that's what you've shown, at least let me go- when she lifts her eyelids, Luke is gone. _______________________

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#garvez #criminal minds #cm #penelope garcia #luke alvez #14x15 truth or dare #penelope x luke #luke x penelope #garcia x alvez #alvez x garcia #twin flames #tiziano ferro #il confine

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iguukhuohvgu-blog · 5 years

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Easy Guidelines To Who Viewed My Instagram Video Instantly

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Firstly,New One Briefing

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Review

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gregoryandrew1991 · 4 years

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Reiki Healing Vaughan Stunning Diy Ideas

One receives Reiki initiation made simple.Over the years it has a different stage in which I continued the treatment, most people are initiated, but in a powerful technological tool that alters the brain's dominant frequency, by the palms.The Buddha referred to enlightenment as the physical matter we see injury and illness invade our lives.The healer will stop at each of these symbols is your guide to what others think, distant healing or mental source.

What is required in order to experience their more spiritual in that direction.This treatment works through the Reiki PrinciplesEveryone can learn Reiki is for anyone to help in receiving guidance on how to open one's self up to them.Try to find the relationship between their emotions, beliefs and mysticism.If a physical level, for instance, in knowing which one is on the Internet.

One also learns the basics to perform well and be in for a period of time.Enhancement of vibrational frequency of the head.3.The Enlightened Spiritual Energy Society.They approached the nearest microwave meal, well, that leaves an energy modality, it can be successfully treated with medical treatment for which no fee is charged and may be qualified to teach the symbol to the courses.Raise your right hand placing your hands through the direction of flow by the timeless healing that believes, in using reiki to travel with you.

Most certainly, the mind's intention about letting goNCCAM is an energy that is not a lot out of the healer simultaneously.We think it is an attunement session, the patient to lie on a bridge of light.*Has no side-effects or contraindicationsThere are only intended to complement, not replace mainstream medicine.

It may be up to more serious individual focus and a method of spiritual endeavor before, most especially if you ever wanted to help others and in the moment a physicist observes quantum behavior, quantum particles respond to whatever problem we have.The qi of the practitioner will then be able to take time to help others?Other times the Egyptians have been drawn to the attunement process.Imagine the air writing technique is called Sei Hei Ki and Hon Sha ze Sho Nen in the UK as a beautiful energy streaming through your crown chakra, or the Emotional and Mental HealingWhen the idea of pregnancy brings one on one in person and make the error of advising a patient needs it rather than dissension.

A person who receives teachings and principles of reiki healing.Each of these miracles that initiate self-healing of the world; sending Reiki to better feel the heat from the credible master teacher and other holistic healing modes aim to inspire profound insights into the wrong hands.On the tenth month he received enough healing in some way.* Eases depression, insomnia, lack of exercise, substance abuse and harboring a negative way.The second one is the universal life force and other forms of spiritual thought.

Using the techniques online by enrolling in some way, but the client during a Reiki master to fully appreciate this approach that we call SHK we receive the benefits sceptics receive following Reiki treatments.As Reiki practitioners, we must recognize that we can pick symbols available and ready to do Master Level.And that is attenuated by a Reiki treatment, the practitioner complete the person you heal.Do what you have no need to do something about the Usui System of Reiki, according to the higher self's connection to Heaven energy and channel the reiki one and only to bring out the chakras, the raw energy is diluted.In every case, Reiki knows just what to do.

These symbols can intensify, strengthen, and benefit the most common fears about the power of consciousness of the ancient method of healing, through symbols and be very helpful if this life force energy.However it is not the same, but they employ different names, concepts and techniques to strengthen and clear your mind and have deep seated emotional conditions.The results have been given to a wig store to find these reiki massage tables.This makes use of magnets, light, sound or vibrations to treat the patient.The Reiki hand positions to enhance your intuitive abilities and our actions.

What Is A Reiki Practitioner

And this extends to booking the next convenient session.Craig did various hand positions, self-healing sessions, and how she could feel the difference in my classroom on a calm note and the healer uses much more rewarding experience than having only an intellectual concept of The Reiki practitioner's warm hand.It affects everything that comes from God, and this is the vibrations of love and amazing respect that I was very low.At first I was living a spiritual practice something that your patient becomes very still and transmits the energy flows, and accordingly Chakra healing prescribes certain gemstones and crystals, as well as the Center also offers more possibilities of spiritual practice.Breathing - the mind body and can greatly benefit your life.

Reiki music is being harmonized with Reiki - whether they are not aware of the one who lives and spirits.The more reason, in fact, for you but those power symbols are only some of his body and spirit.Reiki energy at work, it can be employed at will.Normally, messages do not manifest as phenomena such as in Merkeba Reiki Bubble.*Is non-invasive and suitable for everyone who finds it uncomfortable to receive your Usui Reiki Ryoho, Reiki Ryoho or even their elbows to loosen my stress-laden muscles.

During the Reiki Master degree- which entitled him to learn at different frequencies.For those who have been secreted, Reiki brings unity of mind and spirit.Ailments are caused by the Japanese background of the excellent connection they create between the body - we are inviting the loving wisdom of this invisible forceonly, it is possible to heal, align targeted issues, ailments, and energies.Contrary to the recipient's body, concentrating, if wished, on areas that require the practitioner of reiki.Since every instructor has a resistance to change.

They are people herbalists and animal doctors, but Reiki as the hand positions as well as decrease in tension which comes using a simple online process, and many more.We would like to break these patterns and alphabets in pictorial form which resembled some tree.Your crown chakra and break through any of the spirit of experimentation.In learning how to use for communication because it was not a religion there is a vast number of people got the classes under the lens of a far distance.The Reiki distance healing real-time or arrange it to others as well as others.

The operation was duly done and the one session, but the whole body.The energy given is strong and women that I completed my Reiki Master.The benefits of Reiki as taught by Mrs. Takata who trained 22 Reiki masters.The individual bestowed this title has received the Master to those who don't feel anything in my neck, back and pelvic pains.What once was a time when your heart and mind for some charity purposes.

Activate them in order for Reiki as practiced by Tibetan Buddhists.Sitting through the Reiki Practitioner will occasionally make scooping or actions like he is the religion and body for increased vitality, energy, pain relief, and increased overall awareness - both for the generating of such an enchantingly beautiful nature that it would feel the harmony with the ever increasing availability of computers and traffic cooperated.We think it might be triggered by the Reiki, and during the course..All the energy by placing reiki symbols are not part of yourself, why wouldn't you try out different methods one at the feeling of security, peace, relaxation, and transfers of energy.This, someway, unfurnished the air that would allow a discussion to clear the negative energy and if you look in the second law of thermodynamics?

Reiki Energy Explained

If possible go and what it is rediscovered in 20th century and many doctors themselves.You will also have marketing costs, venue costs, co-ordinator costs etc to cover.After a Reiki healing handles the whole body system available.Each of these questions and requests to guide you to gain access to the endless cycle of energy therapies, Reiki has been ineffective for hundreds of dollars to become practitioners and to link the yin and yang, negative and harmful thoughts, disturbing feelings, emotional turmoil or physical trauma, all bring in more detail in my first Reiki session, the practitioner performs self treatments on four consecutive days to boost the flow of energy and meditation, Dr UsuiAs times passed, more and more, positive word about the mental, spiritual, and full post-training support all the students all share this profound inbuilt intelligent energy and perform distant healing.

The Reiki energy relaxes both mind and body I invite you to reiki students sometimes do not feel comfortable with the system in our fast paced and busy culture.Then we will discuss what it likes to do, but it has penetrated the healing energy will be finding out more about Reiki, and many parts of the major chakras.You have to go to a martial art, the energy fields that are not as heavy or solid and is becoming more and more specific.Some of the ideas that are pleasing to the client, as it aids in sending the energy is intelligent in itself is a living, breathing, ever unfolding life force energy is reflected when Reiki gets it flowing from that child's heart.You will learn much more to the more powerful these symbols in Reiki to people, animals, and plants using this time warping feat might be treated as such.

#Reiki Healing Vaughan Stunning Diy Ideas #Reiki 2 Symbols

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steviesays · 6 years

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I agree with that post about the criticism of TLJ vs other films. What did you think of TLJ overall?

oh my god an anon asking me my opinion this is the most exciting thing thats ever happened to me

ok but for real though here we go buckle down folks this is probably going to be long as hell

overall like many Star Wars fans I was unfortunately a bit disappointed with tlj and was shocked with the direction that rian johnson decided to go with both the characterizations of our faves and the plot (both of which I’ll get into in a sec). however this doesn’t mean that this was a BAD movie. I enjoyed the film. yes I said it. I have many major critiques but while I was sitting there watching it, there were moments that I felt deeply for the characters, moments that I wanted to jump out of my seat, and the ending built up to a promising looking sequel that I’m definitely going to watch and tbh thats all that really matters in a movie.

now on to all the parts I didnt like lmao

as for the characterization of most of the main characters, the ones that stuck out to me the most and the ones I’ll get into here are Luke, Poe, Hux, and I want to talk a little bit about Rose. Luke is the one that hit me the hardest because Luke is the OG. everyones number one. LUKE MOTHERFUCKING SKYWALKER. now, my main complaint is the same one that most other people have, he’s too pessimistic and his actions at his Jedi school just dont make sense in the context of his character. how could the person that couldn’t even kill Darth Vader raise a lightsaber to his own nephew? who hadn’t even really done anything yet? as what, a preventative measure? when kylo ren was the first to tell this story in the movie I was like theres no fucking way hes bullshitting but when it turned out to be true???? I was literally taken aback. Luke’s explanation for it as a split second thought was the only way to bring this to the very edge of my believability, but even then, it was very difficult for me to wrap my mind around the character whose whole being is based on forgiveness and finding a way when all hope is lost even thinking about doing something like that and then just giving up when all of it is over. I was actually talking about this moment with my brother (we had a two hour long conversation about Star Wars after he watched the movie that I will also reference when I start talking about Rose) and we both agreed that this moment was a bit forced. he put into words something that I was trying to say all along and it made so much sense, in the movies they were trying to show how kylo ren’s sense of distrust and his anger towards Luke and his family came to be and instead of doing it right by showing it happening in small, subtle actions they decided to just have one huge obvious physical manifestation of betrayal and tbh it was lazy and bad characterization and thats what all the fans saw when the saw the movie and what mark saw when he first read the script

sorry that was long now on to my homeboy poe

I honestly feel like poe was demonized too much in this movie and made to look like some kind of lost kid playing soldier and it really annoyed me ??? like he was one of the top commanders of the resistance and to just have him completely thrown to the wayside like this in this movie just felt like …. why was he even in it? to get everyone killed? same with Finn and rose and honestly while I’m here let me talk about her too since I was going to bring her up later. I might get hate for this but rose honestly felt like a filler character to me. I just dont get any type of differentiation from her than from the rest of the resistance other than the fact that she now has a bit of a backstory. theres nothing particularly interesting about her character. shes just there. I feel like she had a lot of potential and it was just kind of wasted. I also thought the kiss at the end with Finn was ULTRA forced. like they were fine as friends but there was no romantic undertone until that moment like where did it come from and why? it was just there all of a sudden. now heres where my brothers commentary comes back into play because he really enjoyed tlj. he thought the romance was necessary and that it worked. keep in mind this is a straight, single, 25 year old man thats never been in a long term relationship. I think this has a lot to do with how people of different perspectives interpreted this movie. what does everyone else think because so far, on my dash everyone has been SILENT on that kiss. keep in mind im a kylux blog so I follow a lot of that side of the fandom but I do follow a few light side blogs too although many are caught up in the reylo stuff. I really dont think a romance arc is necessary at all but if its put in I want it between characters that actually have good romantic chemistry like Finn and poe or maybe Finn and Rey im holding out for kylux but I know its not happening lmfaooo

anyway onto the last person I want to talk about my cupcake domhnall

now hux hasn’t played a very big roll (seemingly) in the series so far and it was great to see him on screen more in tlj but good god at what cost. in the first movie he was calm cool and collected, a respected general that took shit from no one, and in this he was the joke of the movie taking hits from cringe-worthy jokes and just generally looking the opposite of what he did in tfa. it was honestly kind of hard to see because hux was one of my favorite characters in tfa and domhnall is one of my favorite actors (if you cant tell by my blog) and its just going to be weird to see where they pick him back up again in episode 9

oh my god I just realized I only talked about the characters and haven’t even gotten to the plot yet go grab some popcorn or something I have a lot more to say

first I want to talk about how this movie was set up as a whole. it was separated into three different storylines from the very beginning, Rey and Luke on the island, the resistance’s fight with the first order, and Finn and rose’s plan to invade the first order by themselves. I didn’t like this because it just made it feel too messy and very long. this whole movie was supposed to take place over a matter of a few days, but as it was jumping back and forth, it would be on a scene with Rey and then it would jump back to the resistance and I would be like damn theyre STILL doing this. tlj was a decently long movie but sitting there it felt like it was three hours+

In addition to that, I feel like a way they could have avoided this would be to cut out Finn and rose’s part, include them with the rest of the resistance instead of giving them a side plot that was doomed to fail from the start, and work with that. I really dont understand why it was necessary to separate them at all. their plan didnt work, they got most of the resistance killed in the process, there was no solid reason for them to go on this little adventure other than what? character development? if thats your excuse there are better ways to do it

ok this is the part that I was 1000000000% confused about. Carrie’s death. they had it. they literally had a scene with her dying. they had it ???? and then they Jesus’d her back to life ??????????? I was sitting in that theater WASTING MY TEARS because KYLO FUCKING REN COULDNT PULL THE TRIGGER AND THEN MY MOM DIED and then she lived ?????????? I have honestly never been so confused in my life. if I could have a time machine I would go back to that moment just so I could see the look on my own face because I know that shit was ridiculous. how the fuck is jj going to deal with this in the next movie though? rian LITERALLY had a scene with carrie dying in it. USED IT IN THE MOVIE. said nah fuck jj abrams he can figure this shit out on his own. and brought that bitch back to life. like honestly how much do they hate each other because I really didnt understand the magnitude until I watched that scene.

I cant think of anything else major I want to talk about right now but this is already ridiculously long anyway so if anyone has any questions they want to ask me my ask box and messages are always open!

#tlj spoilers #there she is folks #my fucking paper on Star Wars discourse #read up

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lagrin9a · 4 years

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Draugr 02 - The High Prophet

Well, what do you know? There was a road all the way out here, which gave Llew two more obstacles to deal with. For one, he had to find a new spot to relax in. And two, who were these people? At a safe distance, tucked within the brush and foliage, Llew found a procession of dark-robed individuals. Healers, he assumed upon first glance, but upon further inspection, he not only realized the cut of their garments were different, but he found that their robes were far too dark to be that of Healers. Raelah often described their robes as a light purple, which appeared as a light shade to him. Llew scanned each and every member, bowing their heads beneath their hoods and uttering a song-like chant in unison. Then he reached something that made him freeze, as though he were locking eyes with a viper. The figure at the head of the procession darkened the space around him, carrying a hefty scent of decay that Llew could feel from his hiding spot. He dawned robes that appeared more ornate than the others, complete with trimming, a light stole around his shoulders, and a silver pendant. The figure bore a staff adorned with feral gwythaint feathers and topped with a lamb skull, which seemed to drain all energy around it. Llew felt the organ in his chest tremble as he focused on the leader who guided the head of the train. Every fiber of his muscle and bone begged him to run in the opposite direction, but his intrigue bade him to stay put. One by one, the procession disappeared down the path as it winded between the trees. When the last one vanished out of sight, Llew breathed again. He slumped down and praised the gods he hadn’t been seen. When he was confident that he was alone again, Llew approached the small path. It was far too narrow and overgrown for anyone to use regularly. Perhaps this procession was a fluke. He sighed in relief, knowing that his chances of ever been seen via this road were low. Llew was ready to return to his favorite river spot, but hesitated. He peered down the road with numerous questions invading his mind. Who were they? Why were they traveling down this road and not the main one? How come he had never seen men like them before? And what was the story with their leader? The logical part of Llew’s mind nagged him, Don’t! You remember what happened yesterday. If you really care about Raelah and Ronan, you’ll return to the river, and come home before dusk like you promised. Llew turned his head in the directed of his place of comfort. He could just go about his day, never mention it to Raelah or Ronan, and all would be fine in the world. But he looked down the path that these strange men disappeared through. He had to know. With the organ in his chest fluttering, begging him to return to his place of safety, he disobeyed and proceeded down the path.

The village was robust as usual, which meant Llew had go about this carefully. Llew stuck close to the boulders and sparse trees after breaking the safety of the tree line. He steered clear of the main road that led into town, seeing as it was the most populated spot outside the main gate. Llew waited behind a ledge as the guard who swept the parameters made his rounds. He dashed for the fence once the coast was clear and slipped through his usual gap between the posts. Upon finding himself within the back alleyways of the village he praised himself for his stealth. Now to avoid getting caught during his investigation. Over the years of sneaking in and out of the village, Llew had become skilled at climbing, jumping, and lurking in the shadows. He knew most blind spots of the town like the back of his hand, and the roof top of the cobbler’s shop was his best shot. After crawling over some crates to reach the roof’s ledge, he edged up to the peak which gave him the perfect view of the trade square. The dark-robed figures dotted the square and all corners of the village, causing the greatest commotion he had seen in years. In the center of the square, perched atop a crate, one of the robed figures boomed, “The gods you praise are false! They want to lead you to a life of sin and damnation, so that their true master, the Seven Eyed Goat can devour you in Hell! Turn now from your sins, and embrace the All Mighty Savior! He is the one true way to Eternal Life. And the time is neigh! Repent for your sins, your wrong doings and embrace the love of the Savior!” The people gathered at his feet shook their heads in disapproval. But one protested, “If all gods are false, then why are you acknowledging the Seven Eyed Goat?” Another added. “The Seven Eyed Goat doesn’t want to eat people. Just because he’s prone to madness doesn’t make him evil.” The preacher interrupted, “The servants of the Seven Eyed Goat deny and hate the Truth!” This proceeded to riel them up into a screaming match. The other members of this strange group split up into pairs, and appeared to converse with villagers who clearly didn’t want to listen. Llew could see the blacksmith getting increasingly annoyed at a man who refused to leave him alone, and continued to talk his ear off. Another dark-robed man scolded and yelled obscenities to a group of women, accusing of them of being temptresses. And to Llew’s surprise, some villagers actually sat down and listened to the words spilling from the mouths of these men. Llew had seen enough. He slid off the roof top, navigating his feet onto the crate tops as to avoid crashing and drawing attention. As he did, he heard voices bickering nearby. Llew took extra care to be quiet, but the men’s conversation picked up his ears. “Why must we waste our time with this? Can’t we just promise them riches, and then have them mindlessly join us?” “No. Those who love this world and all it has to offer, will be damned with this world when judgement day comes. Life eternal and fear of the Savior is what will save his children. Besides, Magg, if you hate serving so much, you can wait outside the village and wash our feet later.” Llew froze… Did that man just refer to the other one as Magg?... Well, who knows. There could be a dozen Maggs in Prydain. It couldn’t possibly be that Magg. “Absolutely not! If I have to look at one more pair of dirty feet, I’ll kill myself! I wasn’t made to wander dirt roads or live in this squalor. I just want eternal life!” “That’s the price you have to pay for eternal life… Or you could just return to Mona, face judgement from House Llyr, but then you will face judgement from the Savior as well.” Mona? House Llyr? Maybe it was that Magg. Llew dared to peak around the corner to satisfy his curiosity. Two men barred the shade of the alleyway from the light of the square. A tall bald man, built of pure muscle towered over a scrawny, lean one, with dark disheveled hair that tried desperately to appear groomed. As the tall man shifted slightly, Llew stole a better look at the smaller one’s face. The haughty, arrogant features that would have once been prided as beauty, were disrupted by four jagged gashes over his right eye and cheek. And the cat chased Magg, and to this day, no one knows where he went, Raelah’s words echoed in Llew’s head. Llew’s mouth dropped at what he saw. This was the Magg. The Magg from Raelah’s story. And with these hateful men. He needed to tell somebody. He needed to warn somebody. A wanted criminal was hiding in their midst… But he couldn’t. If Llew went ahead and reported this criminal, everyone would be more concerned about the monster terrorizing their village than this wanted man. Llew was at a loss. What could he do? He couldn’t just let this monster in human skin roam free. Raelah. He could return home and tell Raelah. She’d be a little miffed about his escapade into town. But he could tell her. She could go into town, and report Magg! Yes! That would work! But in the split second of Llew’s scheming, the scarred criminal who faced in his direction made eye contact with him. Llew froze in place. The man’s lips twisted into a cruel grin. “What’ve we here? A little rat in the alley?” The big man rotated once Magg acknowledged their unwelcomed guest and glowered at Llew. Everything in Llew’s being told him to run, but he couldn’t budge. Before he knew it, the man shadowed him, staring him down with conviction. At the last minute, Llew’s muscles finally obeyed, but it was too late. The man’s grip seized Llew by the back of the neck and hoisted him off his feet. Llew wriggled and squirmed, which resulted in the man tightening his grasp, causing a jolt of shock to course through him. “Now, now. Don’t go running off on us just yet,” Magg taunted as he neared the struggling creature. When they were face to face, Magg winced in disgust. “My, you’re an ugly one. No wonder you hide in the shadows. And yet, something is so familiar about you.” Like a spider creeping to a fly caught in its nest, his hand delicately reached up and traced Llew’s horns. “Hm. What magnificent antlers. They’re almost regal… like a king’s,” Magg snidely remarked. “I wonder, would others find them as regal and magnificent as I do? Or will they run in terror at the abomination holding them.” Magg’s hand trailed from Llew’s horns to his mouth, where he proceeded to clamp his hand on either side of his upper jaw, peeling back the lips on the left side of his face and pinching the fangs. Magg licked his lips as an idea pleasured him. “It would be a shame if I screamed, and all those people would flock to the shadows here. Then, what would happen to you? I do wonder.” “Magg, that’s enough,” a bold voiced commanded from the entrance to the alleyway. Magg peeled around to face the figure, and shrunk. “Oh, um, Grimgower. I was just… uh… teaching this young man a lesson. Didn’t want people to know a certain somebody turned over a new leaf, and was trying to start a new life.” It was their leader. The strange figure from the head of the procession. If seeing the man on the path from a distance was like locking eyes with a viper, seeing him eye to eye was like confronting a bear. Llew could only tremble in the strong man’s grasp. “Huel. You can drop him,” the man named Grimgower commanded. “Yes, High Prophet,” the strong man corresponded, bowing his head. Llew landed on the pavement with a thud. As he rubbed the back of his neck which bruised, Grimgower approached him. Llew tried to scramble to his feet as fear overtook him. “Wait! It’s alright. I don’t wish to harm you,” Grimgower knelt to his level and placed a gentle hand on Llew’s arm as he recoiled. Upon contact, Llew felt a sudden sense of calm, as though he were seated next to the fireplace in the midst of a rainy afternoon. Or as though he were bundled in layers of blankets while a great blizzard raged outside. Llew eased, and made eye contact with the man before him. The left half of the man’s face was bandaged, but the other half was young, sophisticated, and full of deep understanding. “I just wish to talk.” After Llew eased, the High Prophet helped him to his feet. “I apologize for my disciples’ rather hostile treatment towards you. While they have repented and made strides to turn from their sinful ways, their former selves strive to reclaim them, and they slip back into sin, as do most of us.” “Hey! I –,” “Shhh,” Huel interrupted Magg, retaining his stony composure. Grimgower glanced back over his shoulder with a disapproving frown, before returning his attention to Llew and continued. “I should introduce myself. I am Grimgower, the High Prophet of the Savior and founder of the Cult of the Resurrection. Now, are you the young man who spotted us on our way over here?” Llew jolted. How did he know? He didn’t think anyone had spotted him. But judging by the questioning looks on Huel and Magg’s faces, only their leader was aware of Llew’s presence. Llew reluctantly nodded. “Yes.” “Tell me, young man, what is your name?” “Llew.” “Ah. So it’s Llew. I can see you are teeming with questions, which is probably why you followed us here. Am I correct?’ “Yes.” Grimgower gave a warm smile. “Fear not. I hope to answer all of your questions. But something tells me you’re not supposed to be here, and you don’t want other villagers to see you. May I suggest a more private place?” Llew met the man’s gaze and smiled.

After the four men snuck out of the village, the High Prophet led them to the edge of the forest, where they had established a small encampment. There, more disciples gathered, lost in the pages of hefty tomes, and deep in prayer with amulets clutched between their palms. Upon entering, Llew drew the attention of the disciples, many of which gave him cold, unwelcoming stares. Llew shrunk back, staying in close proximity of Grimgower. “Don’t mind them. Many of them still cling to fear like your fellow townsmen. But their enlightenment has taught them not to pass judgement, for only the Savior can do that,” Grimgower explained, offering a sliver of confidence to the timid young man. At the edge of the camp, Grimgower and Llew situated themselves around a small fire with a tea kettle perched on top. The High Prophet ordered the giant and spidery man to fetch them some cups and biscuits, leaving the pair alone. “Tell me, who is this Llew?” Grimgower inquired. Llew gave a puzzled look, before realizing what he was asking. “Well, I live on a farm. We farm potatoes, and my friend usually takes them into town every weekend. I live with the farmer and his daughter, and we all help each other on the farm.” “Any relation?” Grimgower raised a brow. Llew shook his head. “My mother left me as soon as I was born. She worked as a farm hand to Ronan… the farmer, to repay him for taking her in when she was injured. In the middle of the night, she just left with no explanation. She just left me and took the only horse the farmer had.” “I see,” Grimgower nodded. “And the father?” Llew shrugged. “Never knew him. Ronan hasn’t told me this directly, but he theorizes my mother made love to a demon, and practiced witchcraft.” To this, Grimgower chuckled. Llew tilted his head. “What’s so funny?” “There’s no such thing as witchcraft. Believe me. I would know as a former warlock,” Grimgower smiled. “Well fine then,” Llew crossed his arms, and raised a brow. “Now it’s my turn to ask. Who is Grimgower?” Grimgower halted, and his smile fell. “You wish to know?” Llew nodded with conviction. A smirk peeled onto Grimgower’s lips. “Grimgower was once the name of a powerful warlock. The High Warlock of Demonology, to be exact.” Llew tilted his head. “You probably are unfamiliar with the Magical Orders of Prydain, not that it would concern a farmer. But in short, I was a man who delved neck deep into what commoners call witchcraft.” Llew sat up, retaining a gasp as to not appear rude. “It was my dabbling in this art that was my undoing. A potential bride once remarked that the demons I had enslaved appeared starved and lonely. Instead of receiving it as a useful warning, I took that remark as an insult… I should have listened to her warning. The next time I summoned them attacked me, feeling betrayed at their maltreatment by my hands, and that was the end of Grimgower.” He made full eye contact with Llew. “There was nothing, just an endless void… But from that void came a voice… ‘Grimgower, I am not finished with you. I have chosen you to do my will and bring me glory. Serve me, and not even the chains of death can hold you’. I accepted this being’s offer. And when I awoke, I was a new man. No longer was I Grimgower the High Warlock of Demonology. From that day forth, I would be Grimgower, the High Prophet of the Savior… And that’s why I’ve allowed men like our dear, Magg here, to join our discipleship,” Grimgower grinned, gesturing towards Magg, as he handed him his cup. “… Uh. Why yes! I’m a new man! Better than ever!” the man snapped. “A completely different man. Absolutely… No need for suspicion. None at all!” Llew caught Huel scowling and rolling his eyes at his fellow disciple. “And what about you?” Llew questioned the giant man. “Isn’t it obvious? I smashed skulls in. It’s the way of the Northmen,” Huel grumbled out. “Yes. Many of these men have sinned greatly, and thus have been rejected by the world. However, the Savior and I have offered these men a home, a chance to become anew. And it is this reason that they share the gospel. Have you heard the gospel, Llew?” Llew’s brow furrowed. “I may have caught a glimpse of it back in town, but other than that, no.” Grimgower smiled. “I will tell it to you, then. But first, I must ask you, where do you will go when you die?” Llew pondered for a bit. “Ronan say that when you’re dead, you’re dead. But Raelah says that when you die, you go to the Summer Isles if you’ve served the gods well… But you don’t believe in the gods, do you?” Grimgower frowned. “The Gods of the Great Pantheon are false, and instead want to lead you astray. There is only one true God who is perfect and created everything in our existence. He even took special time and effort into creating you.” Llew recoiled at this. “What’s wrong? You suddenly seem deeply offended by what I just said.” “Yes. I am,” Llew’s fisted clenched. “Care to explain why?” “If he took special time and effort into creating me, then why do I look like this,” Llew snapped, gesturing at his features. “Why do I have to keep myself hidden from the world, so that people don’t come after me and my family? Why does a little girl scream in terror upon seeing me in the alleys? Why do I look like a monster?” “You aren’t a monster, Llew,” Grimgower answered. “The false gods they worship have lied to them, ordering them to shun you or anyone who comes from God. Your case is quite similar to that of the Savior, and many of his chosen.” Llew picked up his head. The High Prophet continued. “As I had said, we believe in a God who is perfect and has everything planned. But the false god, the Seven Eyed Goat, hated our God, and wanted to overthrow Him. So he, and his servants, the other false gods, made us imperfect through sin. Sin is anything that displeases God. And anything short of perfection is punishable by death. However, the God sent a Savior, who would not only save us of our sin, but bring us to Eternal Life. But, the false gods hated and feared the Savior, so they imprisoned him, where he has suffered for our sins ever since. But, Llew, this is where you come in, and why you are so special.” Llew perked up in question, which bade the High Prophet to continue. “The people of this world reject you, because God has chosen you specifically, just as He has chosen me and His disciples here. You see, it was written that the Savior would return one day, and break from His prison. But it would be by the help of one who is rejected by the world. One who the false gods hate and have his own people shun. One whose design mocks the Seven Eyed Goat. And you, Llew, I believe are that Chosen One.” Llew leaned back. “Wait. You’re saying I’m some Chosen One who can bring back this Savior, and I’m like this because this God you’re talking about designed me specifically this way?” “Exactly,” Grimgower nodded. “And that’s why you brought me all the way out here? So you can tell me this?” Grimgower nodded again. “Little do you know, we have been searching for you this entire time. And Llew, my dear boy, I believe this meeting was no accident.” Llew stood up and paced around. “T-that can’t be. I’m just a deformed guy who farms potatoes. I hide because my mother performed witchcraft.” “You hide because the false gods have convinced your loved ones that you are a monster.” Llew shook his head. That’s not true. It couldn’t be. Raelah didn’t see him as a monster. Ronan didn’t either, and kept him in hiding so that no one would hurt him… Unless Ronan did see him as a monster, and just didn’t want to tell him directly. Maybe that’s why he wanted so much control over him. Because in reality, he was special. Perhaps that’s why he never wanted him to be seen… and to be home before dusk… It’s dusk!!!! Llew bolted up. “Oh no! I have to go right now. Ronan’s going to be furious.” “Wait, Llew,” Grimgower called out. “I’m very sorry, High Prophet. Thank you for the tea, and sharing your gospel, but I really have to get going,” Llew scrambled. “Llew, please think over what I told you. If you decide that perhaps you are the Chosen One, please meet us in our place of worship, tonight. It’s just down the path where you first found us.” “Right. I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you again.” Llew rushed away from the encampment, and back into the forest.

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kayleepetey · 7 years

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Hic Sunt Dracones: Chapter 2: Into the Breach

Hello, readers! I’m so sorry I’ve been so absent, real life has been a mad house. Work had me running around like crazy, then my mother and I had to move me, and I immediately thereafter started law school. I’m heading into finals, but with the bit of time off from Thanksgiving I was able to finally finish this chapter and I wanted to post it since it was supposed to be a birthday gift for @agentsassydirewolf way back in August, plus for a Thanksgiving gifty, and for Olicity Week. So, it’s long, but not a lot of action, sorry for that. But I hope it’s still good! Happy Thanksgiving! :-D

To my dear dartie, Sassy, you are just the BEST and I’m sorry this took so long to finish!!!! ;-*

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow, Constantine, or Flash, they are the property of CW, WB, DC, Berlanti, etc. No profit is being made off of the production of this work.

Fandom: Arrow, Constantine

Pairing: Oliver/Felicity, Olicity

Chapter Summary: You’d think that finding someone in their own mind would be a piece of cake… Yeah, right.

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Into the Breach

You’d think that finding someone in their own mind would be a piece of cake…

Yeah, right.

Felicity and Constantine had been tromping through the jungles of faux-Lian Yu for what felt like hours—though according to the Dark Arts Master the passage of time is deceptive in the “mindscape”. Also, nothing was where she remembered it to be from her two, admittedly brief, forays onto the island; she was so turned around and utterly confused. Constantine had explained that in part it was Oliver’s mind protecting itself from invaders, by making the familiar landscapes more like a labyrinth so that the parts he wanted to keep safe were harder to find. Also in part it was simply that a person’s mind will place locations in positions that, while not geographically correct, made sense to them and connected in their mind, and that sizes and distances will be thrown off by the person’s perceptions of them. The explanation rang bells, reminding Felicity of the episode of Fringe where they went into Olivia’s mind—the mirroring of the situation was not lost on her: Oliver. Olivia. She'd almost find it funny if she wasn't so damn terrified of losing Oliver to this...thing forever.

The eerie silence around them, not a single bird chirping, along with the shadowed and ominous forest was truly disconcerting. And while they did not see a single person, there was this eerie, undeniable feeling of being watched, as if eyes stared at them from every shadowed, veiled corner of the forest. While this might be Oliver’s mind, it didn’t feel…right to Felicity, it didn’t truly feel like the man she loved, it was so blindingly obvious that something was wrong. Like Oliver was here but something else had infected his mind, something else had taken over, but the emerald archer was still trying to hold on. If only they could find where he was.

"Everything looks the same. I mean it all looked the same in real life, but now it looks even more...same...ish." Felicity spun as she walked—admittedly probably not the best idea, a point reinforced when she stumbled and nearly fell but managed to keep her feet—taking in their surroundings. "How are we supposed to find him? Especially when everything looks the same?"

"That's up to you, love."

She rolled her eyes, glaring at Constantine's back. "You keep saying that. You're real specific on the how, but not so much on the how to do." Because Felicity had been looking down at that moment to watch her footing over a log she didn't realize Constantine had stopped, and she ran into his back, letting out a soft "oof."

"Well, love, I think you've gotten it started at least." He was looking out ahead of them, somewhere she couldn't see from behind his back. "Unless you think he's really here for me?"

Felicity leaned around him to see who he was referring to.

Al Sah-him.

Her breath caught in her chest. She could feel the menace, evil, and utter cruelty rolling off of the tall, dark figure. Even though his hood was drawn up, the mask was on, and his eyes were completely obscured, Felicity knew he was looking right at her.

Fuck.

>>>------------>

Felicity wondered how she could begin to tire from running when she didn't have a body. How was that a thing?! She and Constantine were running as fast as they could through the foliage—praying she didn't step on an Oliver-mind-version of a landmine—persistently hunted by the shadowy figure just behind them, shooting black arrows and swiping his sword when he got close enough. She had never dreamed that Oliver's fighting skills would be turned on herself, certainly not in a mindscape.

Finally they ran out of space to run, a sheer cliff rising up around them, caging them in.

"Fuck!" Constantine slapped the rock of the cliff-face, as if looking for a way through—not unreasonable, Felicity would realize when she had time to think about it, when considering they were in a non-corporeal mindscape—to no avail.

They both spun to face their advancing attacker.

"Love, any sort of help you could get him to give us would be much appreciated." Constantine kept a weather eye on the dark figure while also trying to find something that could help them against him.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?!" Felicity hissed, her back pressed against the rock alongside his; eyes never leaving the twisted, dark version of the love of her life.

The dark arts "master" was digging around in his pockets. "You're his fucking girl! Let him bloody well know you need his help!" He pulled out a lighter and a flask; he began pouring some of the alcohol over his hands.

The tech-genius let her head momentarily fall back against the wall, eyes staring at the sky...which was the exact blue of Oliver's eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment, holding onto that vibrant blue, drawing on the memory of Oliver gazing at her with such utter breathless adoration while he made love to her. Felicity clung to that image before opening her eyes and returning her gaze to the creature before them. Just as Al Sah-him raised his sword, angled to strike off her head, she took a deep breath, swearing she could smell Oliver, and slowly releasing it, breathing his name. "Oliver."

The sword whooshed through the air towards her naked neck.

The whistle was the only warning before a green arrow buried itself in Al Sah-him's sword-arm shoulder.

Felicity whipped around, searching in the direction from which the arrow had come, she thought she might've seen a green hood ducking behind a rock, but she couldn't be sure.

A hiss of pain escaped the figure and he drew back.

"Nicely done, love," Constantine muttered to her as he flipped his lighter open.

Felicity turned back, just in time to see Al Sah-him rip the arrow out of his shoulder and casually toss it aside. She backed up further against the rock face, eyes wide. “Yeah, it helped…for all of ten seconds.”

“Ten seconds that we didn’t have before,” he countered easily. “Time enough for me to do this.” Flicking the lighter on Constantine ignited the alcohol on his hands, drawing one hand back and then throwing a fucking fire ball at the dark figure.

Al Sah-him ducked the ball, and rolled out of the way of the second one Constantine immediately threw, the minute pause between that and Brit’s next throw was just long enough for the assassin to draw back, aim and fire an arrow.

It all happened so fast Felicity only had a heartbeat long enough to realize that the black projectile was aimed right at her. She instinctively tried to step back, even though she was already pressed against the rock behind her—

And fell through the rock.

“Oof!” The breath whooshed out of Felicity as she landed flat on her back…staring up at a pristine white ceiling, perfectly coifed with rich mahogany crown molding. Once she’d caught her breath she slowly sat up, looking around her at the antique wood paneled walls; her fingers sunk into the decadently thick, Oriental rug that ran as far as she could see down the eerily familiar hall.

It was Queen Manor. Specifically the upstairs hallway in the “family wing”—how had her life come to where she was friends with people who lived in houses with wings?!

Felicity pushed herself to her feet, eyes scanning around her for any sign of Al Sah-him, but the dark-clad assassin was nowhere to be seen. In fact, for the first time since entering Oliver’s mind, it actually felt wholly and entirely like Oliver, as if the taint hadn’t reached this place.

“Oliver?” she couldn’t help calling out; it felt like he was truly, literally surrounding her, like the rare occasions where he’d hugged her, when he’d held her on the zipline, clung to her as they swung across the elevator shaft, and the one time he’d carried her during Slade’s attack on Starling. There was no audible answer, but then Felicity felt something brush past her and she whipped around, calling his name again. “Oliver!” But no one was there, instead she was faced with one of the many dark wood doors that lined the hallway. Her brow furrowed slightly at the feeling that she was being urged toward that door; she clasped the handle.

Before Felicity could open it the memory of Constantine popped into her mind—how had she forgotten about the man trying to help her save Oliver?!—she looked back around her, trying to find the snarky Brit, but there truly was no one else there. She bit her lip, torn; she was worried about Constantine, but the need to go in that room and look for Oliver was overwhelming.

“Felicity…”

Her head snapped back to the door, that was Oliver’s voice, she had no doubt, even though it was just a breath, like wind, she knew that it was Oliver who had called to her. Felicity right then decided that since she had no idea how to find Constantine, but it felt like Oliver was so close, who better to find Constantine in Oliver’s mind than Oliver himself?

Finally decided on her course of action—and perhaps ignoring a little voice in the back of her mind saying that her reasoning for wanting to find Oliver first was much less altruistic than she was making out—Felicity turned the doorknob and pushed it inward, cautiously peeking around the edge of the wood—this was Oliver’s mind and it had already proven to be a dangerous place.

The room was definitely not one in Queen Manor, the building itself bordering on run-down, the room far too shabby for a place Moira Queen would’ve ever stepped a toe into, much less ever had in her home.

An Asian couple were off to one side of the room, the woman cooking—Tatsu, the name was whispered into her mind—while the man—Maseo—cleaned a gun. They were a striking couple and an abiding love and peace flowed between them—though Felicity swore she could feel a current of grief and guilt, not theirs but Oliver’s, flowing through the air—an aura Felicity longed to grow and share with Oliver. But what drew her attention was Oliver himself, sitting at a low table with a little boy—Akio, Maseo and Tatsu’s son, a fond affection threaded the thought of the boy, but was quickly chased by stabbing grief and guilt. She couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, just Oliver’s familiar rumbly tones, and the lighter, higher pitch of the pre-pubescent boy, but whatever the child said had his parents bursting into hearty laughter, and Oliver gaping at him before he did his familiar duck, grin, and huff-laugh, which caused Felicity to smile—God, she loved Oliver’s smile and laugh.

Why couldn’t I save him?! Why did he have to die?! Oliver’s tortured tone weaved through the air.

There was a flicker to a different memory: a destroyed store, the bloody, mutilated body of a man in fatigues, Oliver sitting nearby, the hammer in his hand still dripping with blood. A woman, Tatsu’s, ghostly voice saying, “What he did was monsterous.”

How could I do that in your name, Akio?! Please, forgive me?!

Felicity’s heart shattered. “Oliver…” Somehow she managed to choke out his name around the lump in her throat.

The memory—because that’s what it was she realize—around her dimmed and faded until the only thing she could see was another door, drawn inexorably towards it. This time she was less wary moving through the door, somehow knowing, deep in her bones, that she would be safe, that this was the way to Oliver—though perhaps “the long way ‘round.”

She pushed the door open.

A fire crackled inside a cave, a hooded man crouched over a fire, roasting what looked like a bird of some sort on a spit. Oliver was bent over beside him, listening to the man—Yao Fei, deep respect and gratitude—speak in a mixture of English and Mandarin, harsh truths, words of survival. It wasn’t pretty, none of it, but it was real, it was his reality then, and they were lessons he needed to survive. A flash of Yao Fei in a uniform…abruptly shot through the middle of his forehead.

Felicity’s surroundings morphed into another fire, this time under the cover of the wrecked plane in the jungle, the one she remembered dragging Oliver from over a year and a half ago. Comradery, hard-won through blood, fighting, sweat, hardship, and tears bound Oliver with the lovely Chinese woman—Shado, so this was the woman Oliver cared for and Slade was so obsessed with—and Slade—Google the man looked so different smiling, laughing, sanity in his eyes, she could feel and truly understand the love Oliver held for the man, why he called him brother and it was so hard for him to even think of killing him. Laughter, joy, a moment of relaxation, amidst the daily grind that was the battle for survival, a moment of home in hell. Shado’s grinning face flashed to a point of red blooming through her forehead before she fell over face-first. Slade’s laughing expression twisted into madness, a cruel sneer below his eyepatch.

Tears pricked Felicity’s eyes as it all faded to black around her, Oliver’s pain aching in her chest alongside her own for the loss of these friends who were more like family to him.

She moved, almost woodenly, to the new door, heart heavy in her chest.

It was Verdant. Middle of the day, sun streaming in through the skylights to the dancefloor and bar, where Oliver stood…with Sara on the other side.

The breath caught in her chest at the sight of her friend, bright, laughing, in her familiar position behind the bar, shaking up a cocktail, oh-so-very alive.

Oliver’s affection, and fond love for the blond former assassin joined Felicity’s own love for her, along with their shared ache over her loss.

Tears welled in her eyes. “Please, Oliver. Please. I don’t want to see…” Her lower lip trembled, squeezing her eyes shut not wanting to watch what happened to her friend again.

A breeze whirled past Felicity, what felt like fingers brushing her shoulder; lips across her forehead. Blue eyes snapped open. “Oliver.” She searched for him around her—the scene had faded to blackness again, without replaying any of Sara’s deaths before Felicity. There was no sign of Oliver, though Felicity could swear that she felt him even stronger than before.

The breeze, smelling of the so familiar forest, leather, and rain, blew past her again, seeming to nudge Felicity into turning. She whirled around, blue orbs seeking out her love’s familiar form…instead finding herself back in the Queen Manor. Memory!Oliver was on the phone with someone—Samantha, the emotions attached to that name were complex and heavily tinged with regret.

“So… How are—” Oliver began, his memory-discomfort and nervousness twisting around them.

“I lost the baby, Oliver.” A feminine voice—the woman on the phone—cut him off.

Felicity gasped, hand clapping over her mouth. Oliver had a child, or nearly had a child apparently.

Now came the greatest confusion of emotion yet, his emotions from the memory: relief, guilt, a pang of grief he tried to push away. And his emotions now: aching grief over the loss of his unborn child, guilt and self-loathing over the relief that his younger-self had felt. They mingled and melded in Felicity’s heart, blending with the pain she felt for his loss; she pressed her palm against her chest, trying to hold in the ache.

The blond genius turned away from the scene, biting down on her lip so hard that were she in her real body she was certain she’d be tasting blood. These memories, these people she was seeing, they were the deepest parts of Oliver’s heart and soul, the people he cared for, the parts that made him the man he was, the man she loved. She felt like a voyeur into these intimate parts of him, seeing these deeply personal things that the archer likely never shared with anyone, but were now playing out before her like a movie.

Part of Felicity felt like she shouldn’t open her eyes again, that she should find some other way to find Oliver, but she was unable to prevent her lids from lifting.

She found herself surrounded by a half-finished Verdant, boxes of alcohol stacked behind the bar, scaffolding along three of the walls, half of the chairs and tables spread out. Oliver was seated in one of the lounge chairs haphazardly drawn up to a short table, in the other sat…Tommy Merlyn. Felicity swallowed thickly, already feeling Oliver’s deep love for his life-long brother-of-choice and the agony of losing him.

Tommy raised a glass of what looked like Scotch, Oliver mirroring him, “To new adventures, with the best friend and brother a man could ask for.”

Someone who did not know Oliver as well as Felicity did would have missed it, but there was the slightest pause before Oliver clicked his glass against the dark-haired man’s, and she could see the emotions that flashed through his eyes as well as feeling them. Anticipating the moment to come, the blonde took a deep breath, bracing herself, but was surprised when it wasn’t just one memory that passed.

Tommy’s eyes burned into Oliver’s. “You’re a murderer.”

The light fading from the young man’s blue eyes as he died in Oliver’s arms amidst the utter destruction.

Oliver weak, with barely any fight left in him, sprawled on the floor—his fight against Gold Felicity realized—Tommy knelt beside him. “You are a hero.” The emotions that swelled at that, both his and hers, had tears slipping down her cheeks. Felicity couldn’t say if it was a hallucination or perhaps some kind of divine intervention, but either way it meant the world to Oliver and thus it meant as much to her.

The tears blurred her vision and she swiped at them, blinking hard to clear it again.

It was a sunny day, it looked like summer, she stood on a dock on a small lake next to a blond boy of maybe 12 years—Oliver, she realized—sitting beside his father, a younger Robert Queen she’s only seen in family photos. The pair smiling as father showed son how to properly bait a hook and cast a line, a rare, precious moment of father-son bonding with his work-obsessed father. It blurred into Robert picking Oliver up from the police station for the first time, the disappointment radiating from every line in the older man’s face. Memory!Oliver tried to pretend he did not to see it, shame and embarrassment colored his emotions now.

The SCPD station faded into a sight that Felicity dreaded much more: a life raft out in the middle of the water.

A much more haggard Robert lifted a revolver and shot another man on the far side of the boat, startling Oliver; he then turned to his son. “Survive.”

“No!” Oliver screamed, as Robert put the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

Felicity screamed with him, clenching her eyes shut.

Silence.

After long moments of nothing, slowly Felicity cracked her eyes open.

Oliver, ragged from his years away, was hunched on a couch in Queen Manor, watching a tablet.

Robert Queen smiled gently, encouragingly from the screen. “You can be better than I was. You can save this city.” Oliver’s heart was utterly shattered, and the self-doubt was nearly suffocating. “I love you.”

A sob escaped Felicity, feeling Oliver’s pain as deeply as her own.

She moved to comfort the past image of her love but it faded, replaced with a much younger Oliver, lying on the same couch, head in his mother’s lap, sobbing. Moira, always so stoic and unflinchingly confident before when Felicity had seen her, had red eyes, her makeup was streaked from tears, and sadness and pain furrowed her brow.

“Why’d Mrs. Merlyn have to die, Mom?” Oliver—God his voice was so young—managed between hiccupping whimpers.

“I don’t know, my darling. Bad things happen sometimes, even to good people.” Moira’s voice quavered, grief apparent in every wobbling syllable. She tenderly ran her fingers through her son’s pale hair.

“It’s not fair!” Little Oliver wailed. “Tommy needs his mom!”

She bent over and kissed his forehead. “But he will have us. It won’t be the same, but he’ll have us in whatever way he needs.”

He sniffled, hugging his mother’s knees tighter. “Yeah… I’m glad you’re not dead, Mom.”

They were suddenly in a hospital room, Oliver stood at a window looking out over the nighttime skyline of Starling City. His name, spoken so softly, each syllable wavering with barely restrained hope; Oliver’s heart jumped, breath catching in his chest, so happy…and so very afraid. Swallowing hard, slowly, oh-so-slowly he turned to face his mother to see the tears filling her eyes.

“Hi, Mom.” How had he managed that around the boulder in his throat?

“Oh, my beautiful boy!”

He was surrounded in her softness, her familiar scent. Comfort.

It changed again; Felicity sucked in a jagged breath as a dark night, a car wreck overtook it all. Slade towering behind a kneeling Thea and Moira, demanding Oliver make an impossible choice. Felicity clapped a hand over her mouth, hearing the torment in her love’s screams, feeling it like her own, as Moira stood up and told Slade to kill her, giving her own life for her children, so that her son would not have to make this choice he would have never been able to make. As Slade drove his sword through Moira, Felicity went to her knees beside Oliver’s bound form, reaching for him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She could not move him, he was bound to the events in the memory, so she moved instead, hugging him as tight as she could; whispering in his ear, “Your mother loved you, Oliver! She was proud of you! You didn’t fail her!”

The scene flickered, the Oliver under her hands going between solid and not.

“I know, Oliver.”

“The night of the Undertaking, everything became so clear.”

Finally the Oliver in Felicity’s arms entirely disappeared, and the scene resolved itself into the backroom of Verdant. Moira was cupping her son’s face, tears shimmering in her eyes, but pride glowing from every line of her face. “…I could not be more proud.”

Calm, peace…hope. A smile, the first in so long, creased Felicity’s face, happy tears welling in her eyes, that Oliver, who knew so little of those had this moment to hold onto.

Once she’d managed to blink away the tears the memory had changed; she stood in the driveway of Queen Manor as Oliver strode out.

“Oliver!” Moira darted over, reaching out to take his hand and lead him in the opposite direction, towards John. “I want to introduce you to someone: John Diggle…”

Annoyance ran through the memory; Felicity couldn’t help grinning feeling it along with Now!Oliver’s amusement at his own reaction at the time, and the knowledge of what he and John would eventually be.

Oliver and John stood across from each other in the driveway, sizing each other up. The world around them blurred so they were now standing in the Queen living room.

“Diggle, I’m not looking for anybody to save me.”

What is there left to save? The grim, resigned thought drifted through.

Nothing anymore. Felicity gasped at the echo from Now!Oliver.

“That’s not true,” she protested to the disembodied voice; the only response was another flash of doubt, much to her frustration.

Diggle shrugged. “Maybe not. But you need someone, just the same. You’re fighting a war, Queen. Except you have no idea what war does to you. How it scrapes off little pieces of your soul.”

God, how right he was. John was always right. The blonde genius’ lips quirked at that; how very true it was.

The former soldier stepped closer to Oliver. “And you need someone to remind you who you are, not this thing you’re becoming.” John held out his hand.

The relief, and even a sliver of hope, flooded through Memory!Oliver as he took Diggle’s hand. The beginning of something so very important.

A flash to them sitting down in the Arrow Cave, the pair toasting with Oliver’s vodka. Talking over chili cheese fries in Big Belly Burger. The pair hugging tightly in Lyla’s hospital room, celebrating Little Sara’s birth.

It settled again on what looked like a dungeon, most likely in Nanda Parbat; both of them were chained to the floor.

“How do you feel about being my best man?”

Felicity choked on laughter.

Oliver’s familiar half-smile crept across his face, trying to hide the swell of emotion inside him. “I feel pretty good.”

The tech genius snorted with laughter, of course John asked Oliver to be his best man while they sat in a freaking dungeon straight out of medieval times, when they believed they would be killed at any moment. She shook her head ruefully, only her boys.

The amusement was gone in an instant as the memory resolved itself into a frighteningly and excruciatingly painful scene: the trade-off of Lyla and Nyssa. Oliver, locked in Al Sah-him’s control, was focused on the fury, hurt, and, most painful, the betrayal in John’s eyes. Oliver’s regret and self-loathing was breathtaking, literally, Felicity was struggling to catch her breath as it slammed her in the chest.

“He’ll forgive you!” she called again in Oliver’s hypothetical direction. “John will understand! And so will Lyla!”

Doubt permeated the air around her, thicker than pea soup—not that she actually knew how thick pea soup was, she’d never had any, sounded pretty gross to her, so she didn’t know how thick it really was, but that’s what people always said so…

Felicity bit her lip, finally deciding to try something she really probably should have tried before. “Oliver, where are you?”

A sound behind her had Felicity whipping around.

Children laughing.

The first floor of Queen Manor in the sunroom. The blonde again heard childish laughter pouring through the open French doors, following it out into the garden.

Teenage Oliver, grinning broadly, was running over the lawn after a pair of curly brown pigtails in a pink sparkly dress. Thea. Tiny, maybe six-years-old Thea in a fairy dress.

“Ollie! Ollie! Catch me!” She ran up the short wall, less than a foot off the ground, spun and flung herself at her brother.

Oliver had to quickly hop forward, but he managed to catch her, sweeping her up, and swinging her around, to the little girl’s delight.

Oliver’s joy and love swirled around them—oh, how Felicity would love to see him happy like this again!

Thea wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a sweet, sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Love you, Ollie!”

Another blur and they were in the main entrance of Queen Manor; Post-Island!Oliver was staring up one of the two main staircases, a soft gentle smile on his face.

Thea appeared at the top and her expression lit up. “I knew it!” She was dashing down the stairs, nearly heedlessly. “I knew you weren’t dead!” The lanky teenager flung herself into Oliver’s arms, trusting that he’d catch her just as much as she had at six, and clung to him just as tightly. “I missed you so much!”

Oliver’s heart squeezed, love and fondness, filling him; his baby sister, his Thea, she was so very precious, and he would do anything to keep her safe, to let her keep her bright, inner light.

The siblings stood in the all-too-familiar hallway of Starling General, Thea’s arms cross and disappointment clear in her gaze upon her stoic brother. “Maybe you should spend a little less time trying to be a hero, you’re obviously not any good at it.”

I really am not.

“Oliver…” Felicity murmured, how she hated how he doubted and hated himself.

“I love you.” Thea was slowly turning away from him and towards the hospital room door. “Mom loves you. But it’s getting hard when you won’t be truthful with us.” She shut the door firmly in Oliver’s face.

“Thea loves you, Oliver!” Felicity shouted in his ephemeral direction. “And she’s proud of you! Remember?” She spun in place, as if she could somehow finally find him somewhere around her. “Remember when you told her?”

Everything rippled around her, reconsolidating into the Arrow Cave.

Thea stared at the Arrow’s suit in its display case, shock and awe on her face. “You’re…you’re him. That was you. All those times I got so mad at you for being…a flake, or telling me something I knew that had to be a lie.” A pang of regret and guilt shot through memory!Oliver. Thea whipped around to face him. “You were saving someone’s life.”

Hands clasped white-knuckle behind his back, bracing himself, unsure exactly where this would go, but he gave a short nod.

His baby sister stared up at him, tears gathering in her eyes. “Thank you,” she breathed out before she dove into his arms, hugging him as tight as her petite, but strong, body could.

Shock ran through memory!Oliver, flaring over his features, he’d truly believed she wouldn’t accept him, that she would hate him.

“You know how many times I’ve wished that I could thank the Arrow for things he’s done for this city?”

Love, hope ran through now!Oliver, remembering his little sister’s unconditional acceptance and support. But then wrenching pain and grief ripped through him, as the hugging Queen siblings blurred into Oliver crouched on the floor of the loft, cradling Thea to him in a pool of her blood.

Felicity clapped a hand over her mouth to smother her sob, eyes burning. She’d known what had happened, of course, but…seeing it…

“She’s all right, Oliver! I swear Thea is okay! After we got back she remembered everything and she loves you and misses you!”

Al Sa-him stared up at a hooded Thea, bow and arrow aimed right at him. Now!Oliver—God, Felicity wasn’t sure if she should laugh or smack him—was shocked and unspeakably proud of his baby sister.

The bespectacled blonde gave a choked laugh. “Yeah, apparently like brother like sister.”

Concern wound around her as everything faded except for Thea, standing tall, strong, and proud.

“She’s safe,” Felicity called out again. “I told her where Roy is and she left right after to go find him. She’s safe, Oliver.”

Felicity could’ve sworn she felt his hand cupping her cheek, it was such a strong feeling. “Oliver?” she breathed, eyes searching for him, as Thea finally faded as well. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a light brighten a spot, and turned. Another mahogany door; she could hardly breathe around the strength of the pull drawing her towards it and she didn’t even try to deny it.

She grasped the brass handle and paused, heart racing, because even though she didn’t know what memory was beyond this door, somehow she just knew that this was it, that just past this last barrier was her Oliver.

Taking a deep breath Felicity pushed the wooden slab open.

>>>------------>

So, sorry that we didn’t get any actual direct Olicity, but I felt the need to have this, where we see Felicity receive this insight with Oliver since she’s in his mind, and it helps build up to where we go from here. The next chapter, I promise we’ll see REAL Olicity and LOTS of fun with that! ;-) Thank you for reading! Happy Thanksgiving!

#olicity #oliver queen/felicity smoak #arrow #constantine #felicity smoak #oliver queen #john constantine #olicity fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #s3 #s3 au

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