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asweetprologue · 3 years

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Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again.

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings.

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily.

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates.

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3

#geraskier #geraskier fic recs #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #witcher #fic recs #fic rec #I'm certain i missed a lot of good ones I've read over the years but I didn't want to risk making this super fucking long anyways #if you didn't see your name listed it isn't bc I don't adore you and your fics it's because i'm stupid <333

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characteroulette · 3 years

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well all rightie then, it’s time to analyse how DGS1 handles grief really well in my opinion

(once again, spoilers for all of DGS1)

(also some spoilers for the original trilogy games) (and a little of DGS2)

okay So my thesis statement here is that Asougi’s character in DGS1 is the vessel through which Ryuunosuke and Susato’s grief is explained. Everything about how they relate to Asougi is their dealing with their grief in a simple message: Loss hits hard, but you have to continue to live and love. Life Goes On, shaping that grief into yourself if you allow it.

We start off with Case 1 as our baseline. The set-up. It’s a routine to show what life is like for Ryuunosuke before tragedy. (Fitting for an AA protagonist to have their baseline of normal being accused of murder.) This case does a really, really good job of setting up Asougi as our friend, our partner, whom we might spend the rest of the game with.

(I mean, the death flag’s kinda obvious if you’re genre-savvy; the mentor must die so that the student may grow into their own. But Asougi’s so likeable! He’s confident, genuine with Ryuunosuke, comfortably teasing, and looks at you with the same eyes as Klavier. What’s not to love? Also that small hint of something deeper is so tantalising that for it to go unresolved is pretty unthinkable.)

It’s important for us to see how much Asougi means to Ryuunosuke, how much the two really are best friends. This set-up is pivotal to what happens next in Case 2: the drop.

The way Ryuunosuke reacts to learning about Asougi’s death is real. He tries to deny it at first, can’t bring himself to believe it. Especially since he’s been accused of the crime! But the moment he sees that photo of Asougi that Sherlock took, that’s where the truth of it hits and he can’t run from it anymore. All he can do is try to push past that biting grief to at least solve his friend’s murder and set things right.

Susato’s own grief is portrayed really well here, too. She’s so angered and clouded by it that she totally ignores the fact that Asougi and Ryuunosuke are best friends and believes Ryuunosuke to be the murderer. Really, she just blames Ryuunosuke because it’s easier that way, since the wound cuts just as deep for her.

What really strikes me, though, is how the whole case isn’t just a one-note misery. Like real life, the two slip into sadness when they remember their dear friend, but they’re still able to joke around. They still get upset or sarcastic or excited. Because, though their grief affects them immensely, the message is that life continues. It can’t just stop for them like it did for their friend; life goes on. Not out of malice, but out of necessity.

Also, the way Sherlock acknowledges their grief is pretty great. That felt hugely validating to me, how he tells them that their mourning is important and how his jovial, joking tone was never properly taking that into account. The way he continues breaking in at the end to lighten the mood, too, is his own genuine way of trying to help, exhausting though he may be. It’s appreciated, at the least, to keep us the players from breaking down into tears as the conclusion rolls with no real satisfaction at the mystery being solved.

That final conversation between Susato and Ryuunosuke, at least, is hugely cathartic to make up for that. It sounds like it should feel rushed, honestly, dealing with the majority of the grieving process in just Case 2, but it doesn’t at all. It seems properly healthy, like the two are doing their best by confiding and taking comfort in one another in order to celebrate Asougi’s goals, to keep going where he can’t. Ryuunosuke and Susato both form their resolve here to continue to live, not just for Asougi, but for themselves as well. For life’s sake.

Because, again, life goes on.

(A brief tangent: Seeing the contrast of this story versus the original trilogy is also a really neat sort of view into Shu Takumi’s growth as a writer. Or the AA series’ growth as a whole. How Edgeworth handled his grief by never really acknowledging it in AA1, how he basically ran away from it by refusing to live as a sort of punishment against himself, is really sad. Then Phoenix handling his grief in JFA by turning to anger and resentment is just as heartbreaking. Phoenix disavows himself from it, trying to spare himself the pain by denying it, which only hurt him more and he had to have everyone around him break him out of that awful mindset. Then in T&T it’s Godot’s grief which drives the plot, as he turns his anger on Phoenix unjustly. He blames Phoenix for Mia’s death and lashes out at everyone instead of allowing himself the time to properly grieve.

And then DGS1 comes along to say that maybe the answer is just that life goes on and we have healthier ways to reconcile with our grief and it’s just real neat to see!)

In Case 3 and 4, we can see through Ryuunosuke’s discussion with Lord Vortex (/Stronghart) the continuation of his handling this grief. It’s a burden, one Ryuunosuke doesn’t fully understand, but he fervently takes upon himself because we want to live for those we’ve lost. (It is the Wright way, the Naruhodou way, to take on the aspirations of the friends you’ve lost. To mimic their mannerisms, their ambitions, in order to keep them close to your heart.)

(That’s a whole other can of worms I could dive into, honestly, how their decision to give Ryuunosuke all of Phoenix’s poses for the whole ancestor vibe while ALSO making it clear that Ryuunosuke took them from Asougi to begin with, it’s just. It’s good, it’s perfect, it’s the same brand of gay the series is known for and I’m love it.)

You also see, as the trial of Case 3 progresses, how Ryuunosuke is basically just living off of ‘what would Asougi do?’ as Susato coaches him along and it’s fun and bittersweet all the way through. Case 4 is where he gains more confidence in himself, but he still defaults to thinking of Asougi’s unwavering trust in him to help him and every time it’s handled with tenderness and shows just how much Ryuunosuke loved his friend.

And, if you’re like me and take every opportunity to examine Asougi’s badge and present it to Susato (/others), you see how they continue to grow with their grief. It starts off with both of them being unable to say much, still weighed down heavily by Asougi’s loss. Though they are continuing and life goes on, it’s still a wound too fresh to approach and hard for them to properly explain.

By Case 5, though, the two of them are more conversational. They’ve found their words, they’ve mended that wound as much as possible so that life won’t leave without them. It still hurts, of course, but it’s easier to think about. It’s easier to reconcile when they’ve been working hard and making friends and continuing to live. It’s small, but the progression is there and I really appreciate it.

Speaking of Case 5, though, everything about this one, in regards to Asougi, is pure catharsis. It really is like they’re looking their grief right in the face and accepting it as a part of themselves. Ryuunosuke looks back on his friend not just with fondness, but with gratefulness that Asougi could make such a big impact on his life.

(This is similar to the whole Phoenix and Mia thing, I feel, since Phoenix often thought of his mentor with the same sort of tone. At least, I think so. Remarkable how Phoenix’s grief can mirror the finalised version of Ryuunosuke’s with the help of spirit channeling! /joke)

Ryuunosuke and Susato have etched Asougi into their hearts and their persons and it’s just really, very good I like it a lot.

(okay time for a few paragraphs on DGS2 and Asougi)

Case 1 one DGS2 is a neat look into Susato’s mind and thought process. You can definitely tell she’s still just a 16-year-old with the mistakes she makes and how she tries to handle her own arguments, which is very cute. We also get to see her actually talking to Asougi’s grave and then see how her own relationship with Asougi has influenced her style (/poses) and aspirations. (Ryuunosuke, too. It’s cute to see how she’s ended up a mixture of both of them.) And it’s a great rug pull moment for the player, since the way that the grief is handled in DGS1 is so good and (almost) final that hearing Asougi might not actually be dead is a bit like digging up old wounds. I mean, we went the entirety of the first game coming to terms with his death, what do you mean his body went missing??

(Case 2 serves as a reminder. Like haha remember how Susato and Ryuunosuke both love Asougi and are sad about his death? Here’s the baseline again, get ready to have it wrecked!)

And Case 3 is phenomenal, too. The way Van Zieks is so understanding in his response to showing him Asougi’s badge is just. It’s perfect, he’s so gentle and empathetic that it shocks Ryuunosuke (even though Ryuunosuke did the same understanding and concern for Van Ziek’s situation Ryuunosuke please). Then the way that Ryuunosuke sees Asougi, disguised in a cloak and mask, and immediately recognises him. To me, that really shows how much he loved his friend. He knew Asougi for about a year and it’s been about nine months since Asougi’s death, yet Ryuunosuke recognises him just by the way he carries himself.

But, to him, Asougi is dead. He’s made peace with that. So, even if it plays on his mind, he can’t allow himself to think that. He puts it out of his mind completely and doesn’t think on it again.

At least, until Susato (who reacted very realistically by shutting down the possibility that Asougi might still be alive because that means Sherlock lied and she couldn’t take having that hope break her worse than before) sees the exact same thing just as immediately and shouts after him. The fact that they both see this disguised man and know it can be no one besides Asougi is insane. It’s love. It makes me cry, I wish they could’ve hugged him during the big reveal (though I know Japanese culture’s just not like that).

Anyway, DGS2 diatribe over. Back to the conclusion.

The whole of DGS1 is just a masterful example of how grief doesn’t have to destroy you, of how life can go on and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and how channeling that grief into motivation to keep their memories alive can be powerful. That it’s okay to still feel grief even as you heal, that it’s okay to have fun and keep living even as you mourn. Life is a mixture of levity and tragedy and, to me, DGS1 nails that mixture with perfection.

Absolutely legendary. Join me next time when I dive into the main theme of DGS2, which is literally ‘the dead will come back to life to haunt you’ thanks for coming to my essay talk

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sitp-recs · 3 years

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Drarry for Beginners: Muggle Draco

I started this series with two of my fave tropes (Magical Houses and 8th year) and will now close it with my other two faves. I love this concept so much - either Draco living in the Muggle world or just exploring it for the first time - that I couldn’t narrow it down to 3 recs. These 5 fics are brilliant because they present rich, creative and diverse takes, so it wouldn’t have been fair to exclude any. I hope you all enjoy these masterpieces as much as I do!

Open For Repairs by @drarrytrash (2015, M, 35k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

This is such a poignant read, quiet, insightful and very atmospheric! This take where Draco works at a Muggle shop and stays under the radar is one of my favorites. Like the summary points out these boys are sad™ and connect over their loneliness, which means this is a quite melancholic fic. The pacing is great and they fall in love so naturally and gently it gives me a lump in the throat. I love the metaphor linking Draco’s mending life to the repair shop. His arc is powerful and bittersweet; the author never lets us forget about their struggles and vulnerabilities even as they go from tentative to close friends. This is a lovely story about healing and understanding, about finding solace together and welcoming new beginnings. A balm to the lonely hearts!

(Un)wanted by @aibidil (2020, E, 36k)

See also: Moldova’s Magical Tea, another fic with Muggle references by the same author

Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected.

This fic blew me away - it’s such a powerful and devastating portrait of Harry’s generation, with layered characters full of hopes and struggling to find their place after the war. Harry’s arc is heartbreaking and I love how @aibidil explores his childhood issues early on. We get to see everyone’s reactions from his perspective, and I’m in awe of Hermione and Ginny’s voices. The Drarry slow burn is gentle and honest but I’m here for the way all characters come together by exploring the Muggle world, which brings not only closure but soft nostalgia - all those bonding moments are very cathartic and as a 90s kid I appreciate so much the references and old school atmosphere! A perfect “coming of age” story, delicate, complex and touching. It will make you laugh, cry, reflect on life and realize we’re not so different from these kids.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by @6balls (2013, M, 49k)

See also: my rec for Faint Indirections, another Muggle Draco fic by the same author

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

The coffee shop AU we deserve, only it’s so much more than that! This is a masterpiece in world building and character development, and my favorite take on Harry’s obsession with Draco. He’s clearly all over the place but still brave, kind and sympathetic, still very much Harry. All side characters have brilliant voices but I fell in love with this Draco with his free and captivating spirit. It’s really moving to see Harry inspired by him, learning all the little things about this new Malfoy and noticing all the ways in which they’re similar and different from each other. This fic has a perfect balance of bittersweet longing, sweet romance and quiet catharsis. Reading it made me realize that I love angsty post-war stories because it comforts me to know that Harry and Draco can rely on each other to help them heal and let that “mopey, brooding and tragic” persona behind. Growing up is definitely painful but there’s hope and beauty in it, and no other fic explores it better than this one!

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (2020, E, 61k)

See also: the sequel vignette Collapsed in Love

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is. And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Ohh is it time to talk about my favorite fic yet again?? 😬 this breathtaking friends to lovers is a love letter to Muggle Draco and explores it beautifully! I’m obsessed with the little magical universe Tacky creates through an immersive and mundane slow burn. The plot incorporates Muggle elements very organically (the thrift shop! The church! Draco’s friends and the politics plot!). Harry’s POV is exquisite and there’s a mix of loneliness and yearning about him that make my heart ache. It’s lovely to watch him disrupt Draco’s safe bubble as they transform each other’s lives and develop feelings along the way. All the sweet pining is paid off with the gentlest get together, literally a religious experience. I couldn’t agree more with @dracoladon’s words: “There is a plot that doesn’t distract from the love story, and a love story that doesn’t distract from the achingly slow build of a soft, pining friendship, and a soft, pining friendship that doesn’t distract from Harry and Draco’s own personal character arcs.” Brace yourself for the joy of reading this journey for the first time!

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn't Really Want, Thanks. orphaned (2016, E, 70k)

It was addictive, the feeling of Draco Malfoy telling him things in a soft voice early in the morning. Harry felt like he was taming a wild animal, or petting a cat that hated everybody else. This train existed outside of time, that was the only explanation Harry could come up with as to why Malfoy was actually having a civil conversation with him right now.

A creative premise, wonderfully executed! This is a great read; all characters are charming and well established - I’m in love with Luna and Pansy! - and the dialogue is fun and engaging. Basically Harry keeps dreaming about a weird future where he and Draco are together and after that they start crossing paths again and again - but they’re not friends, they’re nothing really, just very confused and aware of each other. I love how their dynamics develop from there; Harry learns about Draco’s sentence away from magic and notices the ways he’s changed. The mundane tone gives me warm fuzzy feels and the diversity of Muggle settings creates a lovely atmosphere! “This is such a fucking bad idea / Let’s do it anyway” describes this love story to a T. I chose it to balance all the hardcore angst that came before, so make sure to have a go at this comfort meal after reading the rest!

#drarry for beginners #Muggle Draco

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violet-knox · 3 years

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The M Word

Year 7 - Chapter 67

Summary: After finally arriving at the Astronomy tower, Severus tries to mentally prepare himself for the argument he knew was coming.

Word count: 2603

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1

Severus swallowed hard as you slammed the door shut, retrieving your wand and casting a few silencing charms, likely in preparation for what was about to be the worst day of his life. His hands shook, his eyes widening in fear and anguish. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, to defend himself in any way and plead with you, but he couldn’t find his voice, lost to the m-word he nearly let slip his tongue back at the library. The astronomy tower had been a place of such warmth, yet it seemed to bring him nothing but heartbreak. He thought when he’d first discovered it in his second year it would be a place of salvation for him, a place to get away, to find peace, but now, as he watched the love melt away from the one person he cared most about in this world, he thought perhaps the astronomy tower had lured him in all those years ago to feed on his misery.

His posture stiffened and his muscles tensed as you turned around, your breathing even, your eyes calm and your lips stretched into a frown he hadn’t seen in a long time. You stood there, staring at him as if you were waiting for him to speak, to give you an explanation of what had just happened, but he had none to offer. He watched as you shrugged your bag off your shoulders and crossed your arms, your weight pushed to one side of your body as you stood your ground. Your emotions were quite clear to him; anger, resentment, disappointment, disgust. He dropped his glance from your eyes, unable to handle the harshness they held any longer and immediately he saw your feet moving towards him, stopping so close to him, he could feel the rage fuming from your body.

“Severus.” You spoke in such a harsh tone, he could feel himself shrinking at the thought of what you would say next. He hated hearing his name spoken like that from your lips when he’d gotten used to hearing it spoken with love. He’d even stopped hating his name because of you, but now, in this moment, he was reminded why he could never stand to hear his name spoken by others. “What were you thinking?”

You were calm, at least, you tried to be. You knew shouting would do nothing but harm him, and the last thing you wanted was to start a fight. You needed him to talk to you, to figure out what was going on with him, why he seemed so insecure all of a sudden. Everything seemed fine over the summer. You’d never seen him so happy and he loved Hogwarts, always spoke of it like his true home. Had you been so caught up in your own life that you’d neglected to see him struggling since you came back to school?

“I-I’m sorry,” he managed to croak out. He felt weak, like he’d given you his entire life force, his energy nearly nonexistent. His mind spiraling in a panic, thoughts of what his life would be like if he lost you flooding his mind, memories of his love for you imploding with emotion. He couldn’t do it. Live in a world where you weren’t by his side, where he didn’t have your love to support him, lift him up when he felt down, your support and belief in him. He couldn’t do it.

“That’s not good enough Sev!” You took a step towards him and watched as he formed a frown of his own. He looked so sad and it broke your heart to see him like this. You had to push away the urge to hug him, hold him in your arms and tell him it would be alright. This was not the time for comfort, not when he’d nearly stepped over a line you were sure he would never come back from. “You need to tell me what happened in there? Why would you act like that? After everything we’ve been through, do you not trust me?”

You pleaded with him to open up, to tell you what it was that caused the scene in the library. You were angry with him for what he’d done, but more than anything, you were angry at yourself for not recognizing his struggles. You wanted to go back in time, to find the subtle moments you missed, the moments that made him feel abandoned and fix them, show him you were here for him, that he could trust you.

“No! I-I do. Of course, I do. I’ve just-I’ve had a rough day and Connor was holding your hand and-”

“That’s not an excuse!” You stopped him as he tried to mumble on, hearing enough to confirm your previous suspicions. He was hurting, life expecting from him more than he could handle but you knew there was more to it, that he was only using what happened with Slughorn as an excuse for his explosive reaction. You pleaded with him to see reason, to understand the actions he’d taken were not the ones he should have sought out. “And as for Connor, I can handle him. I could have handled it.”

Your voice was so calm, never once raising it, your eyes softening like you’d forgotten what he’d done and for a brief moment he felt hopeful. The flames of your relationship you’d both spent a year working to build dwindled, but it was still light. You kept it lit with the look of compassion in your eyes, the look of wanting to comfort him and all he wanted to do was swim in that feeling and grab hold of it before that too was taken away from him.

“I’m sorry,” Severus mumbled out the only words he could manage, hoping they were enough to help keep those flames alive, but as he looked into your eyes, your shoulders slumping as you went to cross your arms, all he could feel was the cold breeze he was left in as the fire reduced to sparks. His eyes watered, tears threatening to fall as he repeated in his mind how much he loved you, how he couldn’t lose you, how he was nothing without you.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” You nearly scolded Severus, your tone flat like you were speaking to a misbehaved child, and in a way, you supposed you were because only a child would act the way he had. Only a child would make excuses, apologize to the wrong person and tiptoe around his own emotions. You wanted him to take responsibility for what he’d done, and to learn from this situation never to suppress his issues.

“But it’s you I care about,” he spoke softly, needing to fix things with you before he even considered Connor. He did feel guilty, and he knew he had to apologize to him, but he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t care about the Ravenclaw until he’d done everything he could to salvage your relationship, to know it would survive this.

“And that makes it okay to brush Connor off? To treat him like you did?” You couldn’t believe the nerve of him, unable to imagine why he thought it was more important to apologize to you when it was Connor that he’d hurt.

“No! I-”

“Severus, what you almost called him, that is not something you can sweep under the rug.” A fire was reignited as the old one died, those one much more fuming, ready to swallow Severus up if he dare get too close. He could feel the heat of the flames as they radiated off of you, your anger towards him fuel to the fire you’d lit.

“So, does this mean we’re over then?” The words hurt as they travelled through his throat, his ears burning from the truth of his question. He could see it, the same anger that had pushed Lily away is what you held in your own chest now. Lily had known him much longer than you had, yet she happily walked away from him and he’d hurt you so often, he saw no reason for you to stay.

“What?” You stared at him in confusion, astonished he’d ask such a thing after an argument you hadn’t even finished yet. Did he truly think of your relationship as something so fragile it would break when things got tough? Was this why he’d held back his struggles from you all these months? You were naive to assume your summer together had made you inseparable, that you’d finally broken through that unbreakable wall of his and mended his heart with yours.

“I-I messed up, I know that. You’re mad and you should be-”

“That doesn’t mean we’re over!” You couldn’t hear anymore, you couldn’t bare it, the thought of you breaking up simply because you were upset with him tore you in half. You took a step forward and reached for his hands, holding them as you saw streaks of tears fall over his cheeks. You could see the seriousness in his words, that he truly believed half of an argument and the mistreatment of your friend would push you away, that you’d given up on him so easily.

Cupping his cheeks, you swept away his tears only to find them replaced with fresh ones as he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. He sobbed as you held him, his hands pressing against yours as he tried to keep himself together. You were too kind to him, he didn’t deserve the empathy you gave him now nor did he deserve your comfort or assurance his assumptions were nothing more than horrible nightmares but he accepted it anyways. He held onto you as long as he could, feeling your warmth against his skin, the burning flame of your relationship glowing bright once more. As much as he tried, he couldn’t stop his eyes from leaking, tears dripping down his face, seeping into your sleeves, tainting the moment, but they were the most real thing he’d displayed in front of you in months.

For so long he’d been holding back, needing to keep your image of him as pure as could be, knowing burdening you with his issues would cause nothing but torment for you. This year had already put so much pressure on you with Quidditch and your struggles with what you were to do after graduation. You couldn’t stay at the orphanage anymore and had nowhere to go. And sure, Spinner’s End wasn’t exactly a paradise, but it was a roof over his head which was one more thing you didn’t have. He’d buried it all down, suffocated his own struggles, but it was clear as you held him now, that look you gave him, told him he’d made the wrong decision.

“Severus, I love you, that will never change. And sometimes we will fight, sometimes we will argue or disagree, but never would I let it come between us.” You wiped away the last of his tears as your words seemed to relax him a bit, your hands dropping to his shoulders and down his arms. You took his hands and led him to sit against the wall. This was far from over, but at least you’d managed to get something out of him, an insecurity you couldn’t believe he still held after all this time together. “Sev, you need to start talking to me. What happened today cannot happen again.”

“I know,” he whispered, sniffing as he brought his knees up to his chest. You slowly ran your hands over his arm, your grip tight like you worried if you let go, he’d break into a million pieces and he was sure if you weren’t here, he would already be shattered and broken in more ways than one. “I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t want to worry you with my issues, and I suppose I took out my rage on Connor instead. I shouldn’t have done what I did, said what I said.”

“Then let’s fix it,” you said softly, a hand gently running across his jaw to bring his attention back to you. His expression softened, hope returning to his eyes as you offered him a chance at redemption.

“Really?” he whispered in desperation for assurance, for the chance no one had ever given him before. He looked at you with such hopeful eyes, it almost broke your heart to know no one had given him the opportunity to grow until now.

“Nothing’s been done that can’t be reversed, so let’s start now,” you told him, smiling as you felt his muscles relax, his legs slowly falling to lay flat against the floor as he opened his heart up to you once more. “Tell me what’s been troubling you.”

“I-I worry I won’t make something of myself. That I’ll be stuck as the poor half-blood living as a Muggle forever. That I’ll never be worthy of you.” Severus opened up to you, his nerves growing the more he spoke. But at least he knew, at least he was assured he wouldn’t weigh you down with his words, that he had nothing to fear.

“Sev, you’re a brilliant Wizard, you’ll do an amazing job at whatever you end up doing after Graduation.” You tried to assure him, but you knew your words would mean nothing to him. No matter what you said, you couldn’t convince him otherwise, so you took a vow instead, to always support him, always congratulate and praise him in any of his future accomplishments no matter how small.

“You don’t know that!” Severus protested lightly, knowing full well you only said those things because you loved him.

“No, but I do know I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I know that you will always be worthy of me, that we will support each other, build a life together because I love you Severus Snape. Forever and always.”

Severus smiled, his cheeks sprayed with a light pink blush as he took in your words, hearing the truth behind each one, the emotion that carried through as you promised to love him for the rest of your life. He couldn’t believe his luck, how amazing you were, how patient and forgiving you were with him.

“Forever and always? Do you mean that?” he whispered, wanting to hear you say it one more time.

“With all my heart,” you replied, wrapping your arm loosely around his waist and hugging him. You felt his arms around you as he pressed himself to you as much as your positions would allow. You sat there awhile, for as long as he needed until you finally parted from one another. “Now, about Connor-”

Severus’ smile faded as he gave out a rather reluctant sigh. You smiled intern, glad he at least seemed to be aware of his mistakes and what was to come next. “I have to apologize.”

“Yes, but why don’t we plan what you’ll say to avoid any more unwanted hurt,” you smiled at him as he nodded. You couldn’t have been prouder of Severus as he went on to suggest the right words, knowing he’d learned from his past mistakes to rectify any new ones. He’d come so far and of course, he still had a long way to go, as did you, but it was a journey you were both happy to take together. A journey you knew would be full of support, and so long as you had that, there was nothing you couldn’t face together.

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#Severus Snape #Severus x reader #Severus Snape x reader #Snape x reader #young Severus Snape #young Snape x reader #my fanfic #my writing #pro Snape #snapedom #female reader

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ssatoritendou · 3 years

Text

Backup | i.

back up | ii.

Pairing: Bokuto/reader Atsumu /reader

Miya Atsumu, Bokuto Koutarou

Word count: 5.4k

+ summary: (time skip) You have a one-sided crush on your close friend, best friend Bokuto Koutarou however you’re are being strung along after he suffers heartbreak after heartbreak with his loving heart. Atsumu is both of your friends and sees the clear problems with the situation so he plans to help you to get over Bokuto.

Genre: angst fluff

Warning: vulgar language, 18+ scenarios

You were currently eating dinner with some of the Black Jackals. You had met them through Bokuto. Which right now was out with his new girlfriend or should you say the new love of his. It was painfully obvious to everyone except Bokuto himself that you had a crush on him. “____ it’s not that he doesn’t like you,” Hinata said trying to cheer you up. “Hinata that doesn’t really help her,” Sakusa said rubbing his eyes. “It’s ok Sho. Personally, I just don’t get what he sees in her. She is just so-” “Let’s not sugar coat it. She a controlling bitch who has her hand so far up his ass that she can talk for him. Like he’s a ventriloquist dummy.” Atsumu said sipping on his beer happy with his analogy. Even under a face mask, Sakusa can still make a disgusted look. “You are always so vulgar. Please a lady is present.” “He’s right though Sakusa. He’s just different. He doesn’t even gel his hair up anymore. He dresses differently. He isn’t the usual ‘Hey, Hey, Hey!’ spirit.” You pointed out. “I do have to agree with you there. At first, it was kind of relaxing and now it’s bone-chilling.” “I miss the old Bokuto. He makes you excited about volleyball even if you are playing against him.” Hinata sighed.

“____, get over it. This is how it goes he dates the girlfriend and for lack of a better term-” “There is a better term so don’t say what you are going to say.” “He is pussy-whipped.” Atsumu stated once again with Sakusa rolled his eyes. “This is his routine. He falls in love with every girl he lays eyes on and then they break his heart because they get bored of someone doing every little thing for them.” Except you, Bokuto didn’t fall in love with you when he laid eyes on you. Maybe because his actions were pure. But you didn’t have a crush when you first saw him either. This one-sided love thing was killing you slowly. So much it was like you could breathe in front of your best friend.

By the end of the night, you and Atsumu were driving home together since you both lived near each other. He always walked you to your door. “Are you sure you are ok to drive?” You asked. “____ I only had one beer tonight and I was nursing it. I have to get up early tomorrow. Long day at the gym.” “You shouldn’t work out too much. Then the girls will be fawning over you too much.” You said with a laugh. “You mean my fan club? Now it’s just getting annoying. It was funny at first when there were only 3 showing up to my game and all I would do is a wink and they would collapse. Now it’s a crowd like Oikawa gets.” “Really seems like you really enjoy and they do more than just stroke your ego.” You chuckled again. “You have had too much to drink.” “Have not! Bokuto told me that.” You whined. Atsumu thought for a minute. He knows he has complained a lot about his fan club to the team. But he wasn’t the only one with a fan club it seemed. Sakusa had fans too but he was much blunter towards them. He made a couple of them cry and Atsumu could never make a girl cry. Just wasn’t in his nature and if his mother found out...his ass would be handed to him. “Bokuto doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I would never hook up with a fan. It’s not right. They have feelings for me and I wouldn’t use them for my own enjoyment.” “That’s rather noble of you. So you are a gentleman.” “Of course I am.” He defended himself. “Are you coming to the game on Tuesday?” “Yeah, it starts at 4 right?” “Yeah, it does. But don’t you usually come for our warm-ups, before anything starts?” “Bo told me that is when the warm-ups were. Maybe he just got confused with the times.” Atsumu rolled his eyes. That’s right the girlfriend was coming now too. Didn’t want you there obviously. But Atsumu wasn’t going to let that happen. “Listen ___.” He became all serious. “I know you like him a lot. I do too in a different way but that is beside the point. Everyone likes him because he has that personality. You shouldn't wait for him. For him to get a new girlfriend every 4 months and him saying she is the one. When in reality she doesn’t even meet anyone besides us. You shouldn’t have to mend his broken heart every single time either. You shouldn’t have to feel like his back up when he feels like all else fails. Instead, make him feel like he is your back up. Because if he was truly just your best friend he wouldn’t treat you like this.” You listened carefully to his words. He was right Bokuto was dim-witted but he wasn’t a complete idiot. He always came to you when he was broken. But you didn’t understand what the term back up meant. But you were too tipsy and tried to go into a detailed conversation about that. “Goodnight.” He said kissing the top of your head leaving your apartment.

Tuesday had come. Which meant seeing Bokuto. Who you haven’t seen or heard from in a while. There were the occasional hi’s and he asked questions about preparing a meal in a microwave. Just out of curiosity you asked what time you should be at the game today. He still told you 4. You wanted to double-check with Atsumu. He told you again that the game started at four and that they would probably arrive at 3:15. He even offered to pick you before he headed to the bus to drive there. You had never driven on the bus with Bokuto. It almost felt like you were stabbing him in the back. But Atsumu sent a funny message saying, ‘I only ask because you are a horrible drive. I’m afraid for the pedestrians on the road.’ It made you laugh. You agreed to go on the bus with them. You knew everyone. It wouldn’t be awkward.

“M’lady,” Atsumu said bowing in front of the open doors of the bus. “Are you still keeping out the gentleman act?” “I assure you it is not an act. I will even offer my hand in helping you up these steps.” “You are so weird sometimes. It makes me wonder about your twin.” He did indeed help you on the bus following right behind you and picking the back seat and even giving you the window seat. “I’ll have you know I’m not the weirder twin. If anything it’s Samu.” “Oh, really why is that?” Before he could give you an answer. Hinata, Bokuto, and his girlfriend were making their way on the bus. You had no clue she was going to be here. Atsumu knew and that is why he offered. Atsumu didn’t think you deserved to be treated like this even if Bokuto was his friend. He needed to break your heart sadly. You had to learn that there was no chance between you and Bokuto. That you two would remain friends. “Hey ___!” Hinata shouted running towards the backsliding next to Atsumu. “Bokuto didn’t tell us you were coming on the ride too.” “Because he didn’t. I did. You have been in her car those pedestrians are endangered when she is behind the wheel.” Atsumu said. “I’m not that bad. I passed my driver's test.” “Probably because the teacher had already seen you try so many times he just gave it to you to never get back in the car with you.” You hit his stomach. He leaned over. “I’ve had worse than that Princess.” You blushed at his sudden sweet nickname for you. “Don’t call me that.” “Alright, babe.” He said with a laugh stretching out. “You want a drink before we start moving? I know you get car sick easily.” “Yes please.” He got up from his spot and took off his jacket and put it down on the seat. And walked over to the cooler sitting in the front of the bus. Bokuto had been watching your interaction with the setter. He found it strange. He knew you were friendly with his team but not full friends like the two of you were right? “Hey, Atsumu why did you bring ___?” “She asked me if the game was still at 4 today and I had to remind her that warm-ups were before that. I just offered to bring her here. It’s a lot easier. I didn’t think the coach would mind since your girlfriend rides the bus every game now.” ‘Your Girlfriend?’ The owl thought to himself. That was an odd way of phrasing it. Did that mean that you two were dating? And you didn’t tell him!? And with a fuck boy like Atsumu?! “Can me and ___ sit in the back seat?” “You really want to sit back there with both Hinata and ___ who both are prone to being car sick. I can afford to have vomit on me. I always bring an extra pair of sweatpants.” “Ko we can sit up here it’s fine. I don’t want to be near throw up again.” Atsumu rolled his eyes at her and walked back to you and Hinata. “Sho says that Saeko Tanka is a worse driver than me.” “You don’t even know her how can you be a definitive judge on her driving skills.” “Shoyo says he almost died with Kageyama in the car.” “It’s true Sumu, except he was sleeping half the time and eating the other half. He wouldn’t have noticed.” “So she is worse than ___ but doesn’t mean ___ is the best driver in the world.” You pouted on not winning this argument. “Stop pouting babe. I rather see you smile.” He smirked. You falsed a smile. “What was Bo asking?” You asked him. “He asked if he and she could sit back here like they always do.” “Always do?” You asked out-loud. “Yeah, almost every game he takes her on the bus and brings her to the games. He has she likes this VIP treatment of being the only one on the bus beside the team. And the only one who can really watch us while we warm up.” He said going into his bag pulling out his iPad and headphones. ‘Only one.’ You repeated in your head. “But I figured she was feeling too special as of late. And besides, you know more about volleyball and you can see Sakusa basically wash his entire seat before he sits in it.” “Isn’t this the Jackal's bus?” You asked thinking you saw the jacket's decal on the side of the bus. “Yes. We are the only ones that use it. And he has sat in that seat every single time. I’m convinced that he comes here it a vacuum cleaner and cleans the entire bus when we aren’t practicing.” He laughed a little. He noticed you weren’t really paying attention to him. “Don’t bother with them. Don’t even think about it. You want to watch the other team play?” “Sure.”

You arrived at the gym. Atsumu told you to go to the bench where the coach and to watch them warm-up. “We can take the train home. And get dinner.” “Yeah let’s do that. Is the train station far from here?” “No, I don’t think so,” Atsumu said. “Gotta go now.” Bokuto came up to you to say something. “Hey ___. I didn’t think you were going to come to warm-ups today.” It was his phrasing that got to you. He never spoke to you like that before. “Atsumu asked me to come.” “Oh. Why aren’t you sitting up in the bleachers?” “Atsumu said it was fine that I sit here.” You weren’t even looking up from your phone. “Are you just doing everything he says?” “Yes. Were friends Bokuto we live close to each other. He almost always drives me home or I drive him home. We have dinners together too.” “So you guys are just friends?” He asked suspiciously. “Yes. Why do you ask that?” ‘Because he was calling you pet names and basically called you his girlfriend.’ He was thinking but he said in return, “No reason. But does that mean you are better friends with him than me?” He pouted. It was hard to tell now that he stopped gelling his hair up. You wanted to tell him, ‘Yes. He’s been a better friend as of recently.’ But you opted for one that wouldn’t hurt his feelings so much. “Of course not Bo.” You cupped his face. His face brightened up he almost looked like the old Bokuto that you knew. He glanced away for a second and then pulled from your hands. “I have to go now. The game is going to start soon. Make sure to go to the bleachers.” “Atsumu said I could stay here for the game.” You smiled at him.

“You guys played well today.” “We won by the skin of our teeth today, ___,” Atsumu said frustrated. “But you still won. That is a positive.” “Yeah, you are. What are you going to get?” “I think noodles. I’m not sure if I want soba or udon though. What about you?” “Skewers and onigiri.” “That does sound good.” “We can share if you get soba.” He said wiggling his eyebrows. You nodded your head and agreed. “You know my brother owns an onigiri shop.” “Really? That sounds fun.” “You find that interesting? That is what makes him the weird twin.” “How does that make him the unusual twin? You are a pro volleyball player and the setter. You have high chances of making it on the national team. Onigiri shop is pretty common.” “Exactly who wants to be ordinary.” He stated. “I don’t know. I like to think I’m ordinary.” “Please you are far from ordinary. You are an artist for Shonen Jump. And you are friends with me.” He smiled. “Sometimes Atsumu I wanna punch you across the face. But then you have those puffy cheeks and I could never.” “My cheeks are not puffy.” “They are when you smile.” You squished his cheeks. You enjoyed the light conversation with Atsumu. It made you feel like you were almost talking to Bokuto. But it was different Atsumu didn’t need your constant attention. Plus he wasn’t always happy-happy with everyone. When he didn’t like someone he made it very clear he didn’t not like you. Sometimes he was a dick to people he first meets but gives him the time. “I have a question what is a backup?” You asked. “A backup?” He asked back thinking about what you were asking. “Oh. What Bokuto is using you as?” “Yes.” “It means that you are a standby partner or significant other anticipated as a potential romantic or sexual partner in the event of a failure or unforeseen end of the current relationship.” “And you think Bo is using me for that?” “It’s known at this point. Just his body language and the way he talks to you or about you. It is like he’s territorial over you but doesn’t want you to think that he is actually attracted to you all the time like right now with his girlfriend. Then he goes back to you and then the cycle starts all over again. At least you don’t use him as an emotional fluffer.” “What is an emotional fluffer?” “Oh my, you are so innocent when it comes to relationships. It means using a friend as a significant except they don’t get any of the benefits.” “Shouldn’t shock you that I’m a relationship virgin. I’ve never been in a relationship.” “Not even in high school.” “I was focused on graduating and getting into college.” “Let’s face it your volleyball team wasn’t that attractive.” “Are you calling me a groupie?” “Maybe.” He was laughing. “Nah I’m just joking.” “Wouldn't you be my fluffer?” “How so?” “We go out to dinner, you drive me home sometimes, you have pet-names for me, and you sometimes fix things around my apartment.” “Yeah, but you do the same things for me. Accept the fixing, you just cook for me. You pay for some dinners and you drive me home. So we are both equally fluffers.” You nodded. “Is that a bad thing?” “I don’t think so.” “How does one stop being a backup?” “You date someone else make it apparent to him that you are off the market.” “Good. How do I do that?” “Have you ever been on a date?” “No.” You said lowly. “Ok. Ok. So Friday I have a practice. I will be taking you to a nice restaurant, I’ll come to pick you up, I’ll pay for dinner and dessert.” “Atsumu...” He put his finger in front of your face. “And dress nice too.”

“Come on Atsumu one more set let’s go,” Bokuto said. “Bokuto I have to go. I have a date.” “A date Atsumu?” Sakusa questioned. “With who, Tsumu?” Shoyo asked. “____.” He said sternly but he was excited. While the team was staring him down. Bokuto dropping the ball. “I gotta get home and shower. I have to look nice for her and pick up flowers.” “Didn’t think she would ever say yes to you,” Sakusa said. “But you have to be a gentleman towards her.” “I always am. But I seriously have to go.” Atsumu collected his things and was making his way out the door. Bokuto came running after him. “Why are you taking her out?” “I like her. She is sweet. I like spending time with her.” “She isn’t-” “Yeah I know she isn’t one of my fangirls. And she said something about you telling her that I fucked around with them. Which you and I both know I didn’t. That would be a waste of time. ____ isn’t a waste of my time.” “She said yes.” “Yeah, she did. Why does that surprise you? I spend more time with her than you have in the past month, past year whenever you have a new girlfriend.” Atsumu wasn’t going to listen to any more of whatever pure crap was about to come out of Bokuto’s mouth. And went home to prepare for his date with you.

“___ why did you FaceTime me on a Friday night while I’m editing?” Akaashi asked over the phone call. “You are a guy and my friend and I wanted to ask your opinion on this dress.” You said to your coworker and friend. “Why not ask Bokuto?” “I can’t ask him.” “Why can’t you ask him? And be honest with me because if you don’t tell me he will.” “I’m going on a date.” “A date? With who?” “Miya Atsumu.” “His teammate!” He yelled into the phone surprised. “Akaashi that is beside the point. He doesn’t know that I’m going on this date. And as it was pointed out to me I can’t just sit and wait for Bokuto to decide he wants to be with me. It’s not healthy.” “No, it’s not.” Akaashi agreed. Akaashi never met any of Bokuto’s fleeting romances. He told Bokuto after he met one that was completely rude to everyone. He made it a rule that they had to be dating for at least 5 months. Which was never going to happen. “What was your question?” “Is this dress slutty to go to a nice dinner?” You were wearing a black spaghetti strap dress that fell just at your knees with black stockings. Your hair down with a clip-on on either side. Wearing a simple locket that your mother had bought you for Valentine’s Day last year. You were wearing basic black heels. “You remember those earrings I bought for your birthday the blue ones. Put those in and put on that crop navy cardigan.” You listened to your friend and put those things on. “I do have navy heels, should I put them on?” Akaashi thought about it for a minute. “Yes. I think that will pull the look together.” He hummed with that. “It is nice to see you going out since you are a homebody.” You chuckled. You knew he was just trying to ease you. “I go out with friends. But I see what you are saying because of my position at Jump I can be anywhere and do my work. Hey, I could be in Antarctica all I have to do is meet the deadline and attend meetings virtually.” “What I mean is whenever Bokuto gets a new girlfriend he prioritizes them after volleyball. He even combines the two. When you two became friends through me I asked him to keep an eye on you. But he failed obviously.” “Don’t blame him for having a big heart Akaashi. That he loves so deeply.” You hummed. “Are you going out to go out with and to date Atsumu? Or are you going out with him to get over your crush on Bokuto?” It was a practice date you knew that. Atsumu didn’t really have feelings for you. He wanted to help you get over Bokuto. It wasn’t real. But you weren’t sure if you say to Akaashi that it was that. “Can’t it be both?” “I just worry that you might hurt him if he is just a rebound for your crush. And I don’t that burden on your shoulders.” “It will be fine Akaashi. Now how do I look?” Akaashi was starring at you attentively. “Yes, you look nice. Definitely not slutty.”

Atsumu knocked on your door. He straightened his tie and he held the bouquet of flowers close to his chest. When you opened the door you almost made him speechless. “Hello, Gorgeous. I bought you some flowers.” “Thank you Atsumu.” You took the flowers and placed them in the kitchen vase. “You look very handsome tonight Atsumu. All for me?” “Of course for you. M’lady?” He stuck out his arm out to you. You gladly took it. “And where are you taking me on this fine evening?” “I’m taking you to the new hibachi restaurant.” “Atsumu that is expensive.” “Hush now. I plan to treat you to a wonderful meal after you got dressed up.” He said to you opening the car door for you abs helping you into the passenger seat. “You cleaned your car for me. You really are a gentleman for your dates. Careful Atsumu you might accidentally cause me to fall in love with you.” You joked. “Like I would mind you falling for me Babe.” He stated.

The restaurant was beautiful. Atsumu was able to snag a really good table too. He requested the corner table in the right corner booth. You and he were able to look out at the restaurant. You sat next to him in the booth, he made sure that you sat close to him. “Do you know what you want? Do you want appetizers?” “I do if it means I can spend more time with you.” He smirked at you. “Let’s get soup. It’s light filling so we can enjoy our meal.” He leaned into your ear and whispered, “Hopefully dessert too.” You never thought Atsumu can be this attractive to you. You knew he was hot but this was different. You kind of enjoyed it. You turned your head your lips almost touching, “Trust me I want dessert.” “Hmm. You are good at flirting can’t believe you haven’t been on a date.” He pulled away slightly he had his hand resting on your thigh. You had to remind yourself this isn’t real. “Are you always this flirty with your dates?” You ask. “Yes.” He sighed. “But it’s not that I go out a lot. I am really focused on volleyball and time with my friends. Plus my alone time.” “What do you do during your free time?” “I play video games, go to the gym, watch old matches and try to learn new sets. Sometimes I go to Osamu’s shop and help there. I should take you there sometime.” “Planning a second date already Atsumu?” You teased him. “Of course anything for my beautiful girl.” He laughed. “What have you been up to recently?” “Currently I’m working with an illustrator and author of romance that also has monsters in it. It’s only just starting. It’s a lot of meetings and figuring out what they want the style to be and where the story will go.” “It is not too much for you right?” “No. I like this part of it.” You smiled at him. The waiter was coming over to your table. “Let’s order now.”

“Do you actually want dessert or do you want to go home?” Atsumu asked you as the waiter was taking your plate away. “Mmm. Let’s get ice cream at that ice cream place not far from your apartment.” You said. He paid the bill and he didn’t let you see the bill and you left. You however paid for the ice cream. You knew guys shouldn’t always have to pay. “I was supposed to be treating you on this date.” “I’m your date too, Atsumu. It is only fair that I also pay for something.” He smiled happily at that comment. “I like the idea of being treated nicely. The way I deserve.” Atsumu said sticking his spoon in his mouth. “What flavor-” Before you could even finish asking the question, he stuck the spoon in your mouth. “Pistachio? I didn’t peg you as a pistachio guy.” “Trust me you will never peg me.” He hummed at his perfectly timed comment. “You do realize that I inadvertently kissed you.” You blushed. “Don’t be an idiot Atsumu.” He laughed at your cute reaction. He put out his hand, “Come on let’s go home ___.”

He was walking you upstairs with his arm around your waist. It wasn’t weird being this flirty with Atsumu, in fact, it felt oddly comfortable. “Did you have fun tonight?” He asked as you were opening the door. “Yes, I did. Too bad every date isn’t going to be like this one.” You sighed. “No one can live up to my first date with the Great Miya Atsumu.” “No one has to if you don’t want to.” He stated leaning against the wall. “What Atsumu?” He shifted facing towards you and looking you in the eyes. “If you want to continue going on dates, hold hands in public, kiss even if you are comfortable with that. I don’t do things that will waste my time. I don’t think it would be a waste of time to date you.” You were speechless. “Atsumu I-I don’t know what to say.” “Think about it then. You have my number and you know where I live.”

“Sakusa, Bokuto, Oriver let’s run some quick attacks.” “Sure Tsumu-Tsumu!” Bokuto yelled. “What about me Atsumu?” Hinata asked. “We have been running attacks all day. I have to practice with other spikers too.” “Hinata I want to practice my setting with you,” Inunaki said. Atsumu started practicing his spikes with his teammates. He had a set way of setting to each player. He was working hard on that. Being able to predict his teammate's moves much like his rival Kageyama. Bokuto liked softer spikes than Sakusa’s so he could slam them hard on the ground. He sets the ball just as Bokuto was coming to spike it over the net. The ball made its way over the net but not to Atsumu’s satisfactory. “Sorry, Bokkun wasn’t my best set for you today. I think I need a break.” Atsumu went to the bench and pulled his water from his bag. Sakusa came over to him handing him a towel to wipe himself with. “How did your date go with ___ on Friday.” “It went well. I took her to this new hibachi restaurant I paid for. She bought ice cream for us. I cleaned my car, dressed nice and bought her flowers. I wanted her to feel special. She means a lot to me.” “I still can’t believe she said yes. Considering.” Sakusa looked over to Bokuto. “Sakusa can I tell you something in private?” The spiker nodded and they walked away from their teammates. Sakusa perked his ears to the bottle blonde's information. “It was her first date.” “Oh.” “Not that I had a problem with that. When she told me that I decided that I was going to treat her out. The only reason she even mentioned it was because she wants to get over the great horned owl.” “So you took her out as a practice date?” “Something like that. But I do like her. I told her that and I told her I would like to date her. I asked her to think about it. I wouldn’t be mad at her if she turned down the offer. I would still like to be her friend if she was comfortable with that.” “Would you be ok with being her rebound or second option?” “I wouldn’t think of it like that.” “That’s rather mature of you Atsumu. It seems that you are growing up.”

Miya Atsumu had officially distracted you from work. Sure you have or had a crush on Bokuto but this feeling of being strung along and used felt horrible. He was a great friend. But this feeling was crushing you. Atsumu was nice. He was great. He made you feel good about yourself and he made you feel alive. He made you feel special. Akaashi's words were stuck in your head. You didn’t want Atsumu to feel second to Bokuto. The idea, the action dating him was more than tempting it sounded like a dream. You needed to talk to him. You decided to text him to come to your house after his workout.

You had put out cookies. Baking had always calmed you and Atsumu loves to eat. The knock on the door had you up on your feet so fast. “hi.” You said in a small voice. “Hello ___. May I come in?” “Please. Do you want a cookie?” “I will literally eat anything you bake.” He smiled happily taking off his shoes. He rushed to the cookie plate and brought it to a seat in your living room. “You said you wanted to talk?” “Yes, about your proposal.” “Ok. Before we talk I want to say something. I want you to say everything that you are thinking. I will respond when you are done. If it is a rejection, I want you to know I will not be mad and I would still like to be friends.” You nodded. Ok, here you go. “First things first, I would like to date you. I like how you made me feel on our date. I liked how you made me feel before the date. I worry though that at some point you will feel I choose you second that I put you second. I don’t want you to feel like a second option I know that you sometimes felt that way in childhood being a twin. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to you.” You leaned into your body not wanting to look at him. Atsumu put the plate down and held you close to him. “I hear you. I want to say if I don’t want or think I will feel that way. I promise you that your crush your one-sided love will mean nothing to me. If I help you get over him I’m happy to do that. I want to date you in spite of that because I care about you a lot. And that date meant a lot to me. I wanted you to feel special because you are that to me. I will try every day to treat you like that if you will be my girlfriend.” You squeezed his body. “Alright let’s do this. I want to be your girlfriend.” You looked up to him. He did his childish smirk, pulled your face to his, and placed a light kiss. "I am yours, My Beautiful Girl."

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didsomeonesaydaddydraco · 4 years

Text

Slow dancing in a burning room | d.m imagine

Request: no.

Word count: 3029

Pairing: draco x slytherin!reader with a tiny bit of oliver wood x slytherin!reader

Note: Major heartbreak. I was inspired by the song Slow dancing in a burning room by the talented John Mayer. For the best reading experience, I suggest you to listen to it while reading. Also, I might or might not have an idea for a second part, so let me know if you want that. Thanks. xx

The Yule Ball. Probably one of the greatest nights for the students in Hogwarts. The boys were nervous about asking the girls to go to the Ball with them, and they were furious about the fact that they had to take dance classes so they wouldn’t make a fool out of themselves during the opening dance. And the girls were excited to dress up nicely, and to do each other’s hair and makeup. It was a perfect night for those who were afraid to confess their feelings and ask their crush out on a date.

It was perfect for me to pretend that my heart was finally mended, and I didn’t spend my nights with crying and trying to erase all those shared memories from my mind. But the fact, that I wore the dress I had picked out just for him, because I knew how much he would have loved my long deep dark green satin dress with the diamond necklace he gave me for last Christmas didn’t really help. I just wanted to look good for him. Let him see how proud I was to be his. It hurt to see myself the way I was dressed up. I was dressed for him and not for my date. Or for myself. I looked exactly the way I wanted to look – just for him. Maybe I needed to hurt myself with this. Maybe it was a good step to finally start my healing process and learn to love myself.

- Are you ready? – Pansy turned to me after she finished her makeup – Wow, you look absolutely beautiful. I love this colour on you.

- Thank you – I smiled at her – You look amazing too. Blaise is going to faint when he sees you in this dress – I winked at her and laughed a bit at how her face turned into a dark shade of red. It was so amusing to watch my two friends being little troublemakers, but they were both afraid to tell each other how they truly felt.

- He better be, because I didn’t force myself into this dress for him to say nothing – she playfully rolled her eyes and dragged me out of the room. I was biting the inside of my mouth, and my nervousness grew by every step we took towards the stairs. I didn’t know if he was going to be there. I didn’t even know if he had asked someone to the Ball.

- Calm down – Pansy squeezed my hand and stopped me for a minute. She checked if anyone was close enough to hear what she was about to say, and when she made sure we were alone, she grabbed both of my hands and looked me in the eyes – I know what you’re thinking about, and you have to stop it right now. You have an amazing date for the Ball, and I want you to have a good time – she looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. Pansy was there in the first days, not leaving my side. She even slept next to me, so she could be there for me even in the middle of the night, when I had a dream about him and I, and I woke up choking on my tears. She was worried, and wanted nothing but understand everything. But how could I make her understand when I didn’t know either what was really going on?!

- It’s hard – I sighed and looked away – I don’t know if I…

- You can! – she assured me – I know that you can stay strong, Y/N. Listen to me, we go down to our dates. We dance. We have fun. And if you feel like you need to leave, you come to find me and we leave. I’ll always be here for you, okay? – she smiled – But at least try to enjoy the night. For your own sake.

She was right. I had to try at least. I nodded and took her hand in mine, leading her to the stairs. Our dates were already waiting for us at the bottom, standing next to each other and they were in a deep conversation; but when Blaise looked up and caught us, he nudged Oliver to pay attention to us. I forced a smile on my face, and walked down the stairs, with Pansy by my side. The look on Blaise’s face was worth it. He looked at Pansy like she was the only girl in the whole world, and the smile on his face told me he was very proud to be her date tonight. And maybe be even more after it.

- You look great – Oliver Wood smiled at me kindly and offered me his arm, which I gladly accepted and let him to lead me to the Great Hall, which was transformed into an even magical Ball room for the night. It was like our very own winter wonderland made out of ice. Everyone looked so different in their formal clothes. I was used to seeing them in their robes or in their sweaters, but they looked amazing. The room was slowly filled with the arriving couples and we were only waiting for the Champions to enter the room and open the dance so we can join them. Oliver had his arm around my shoulder, protecting me from the couples who surrounded us just to get a better look at the dancing Champions and their dates. I was smiling at how Harry managed to step on his own feet during dancing, when I caught a familiar pair of grey eyes. His face was mainly emotionless, but I could tell his jaw was clenched and he was frowning a bit. My heart skipped a beat as I checked how amazingly dashing he looked tonight. I would have bet his tuxedo cost a smaller fortune, but the white shirt and bow tie he had on somehow fit his pale skin. A few strands of his platinum blonde hair was almost in his eyes. I always loved that. It made him look less terrifying. But my heart dropped into my stomach when I saw that someone was clinging onto his arm. I had seen the girl before, she was a Slytherin too, but I never really heard her speaking to anyone apart from her best friend. I had to admit, she looked very good in her light blue dress. Her black hair was up in a tight bun, and little diamonds decorated it. I wondered if those were gifts from Draco.

- Come, dance with me – Oliver took my hand softly and pulled me to the dance floor. I was very thankful for his gesture. He pulled me close to his body, and let me rest my head on his chest. I was fighting back my tears, and tried very hard not to break down in the middle of the dance floor. He did come with someone else. He was allowed to. We broke up after all. Who was I to ban him from moving on? I should have done it too – He is still watching you – he whispered in my ear. I froze for a moment, but reminded myself that we were dancing, so I kept moving.

- I don’t know who you’re talking about – I answered him and twirled around. I put my hand back in his and followed his lead. Oliver was a great guy. I really liked him, and admired his passion for Quiditch. He was nice to everyone, and he had a good sense of humour. So when he asked me if I wanted to go to the Ball with him, I couldn’t think of any reason why I shouldn’t. Except for one, of course, but that was only a delusion.

- Y/N – he laughed – I saw the way you looked at him, like he was the only man in the whole world for you – he smiled softly – But I also saw the pain written on your face when you realised he came to the Ball with Darcy Hopkins – Oliver caressed my bare back with his hand – And you know what else I saw?

- What? – I asked with an annoyed but playful tone. I don’t think he knew how toxic our relationship was. Our close friends saw it, and tried to help. They were almost relieved when they heard us fighting one night. That night, when we ended things. That night, when we broke each other. But I don’t think that they’ve ever realize how hard it is to pull yourself out of a toxic relationship with someone you loved dearly.

- I saw how he looked at you when we entered the Hall. I’ve only seen him looking at you like that – Oliver looked down at me – And I saw how hurt he was when he realized that you had a date for tonight. Listen, Y/N, I’m not a relationship expert. My only long term relationship is with Quiditch – I laughed at him a little – But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell if a friend of mine is in love.

- It’s not that easy – I sighed – I really appreciate your kindness shown towards me. It means a lot to have someone trying to understand the whole situation, but I’d rather not talk about this. Tonight should be fun, and I really don’t want to ruin it for you with my constant whining about how Draco and I screwed up something that could have lasted a lifetime. Both he and I made huge mistakes, which eventually lead us to break up. I’m working on myself, and taking baby steps on the path of healing – I shrugged – I know this is going to take a while, but I also know that one day, I’ll be fine again.

- I’m happy to hear that, but I think he thinks about this differently – before I could ask him what he meant by this, I got my answer. My body went in shock when I saw Draco approaching us and looking at Oliver with respect and anger in his grey eyes. I was genuinely surprised how civilized he was acting, but again, he had no reason to be jealous or overprotective. We weren’t together.

- Excuse me, Wood – he looked at Oliver – Can I steal your partner away for a dance?

Oliver nodded and put my hand in Draco’s. When my skin touched his cold hands I felt like an electric shock ran through my whole body. I missed holding his hands in the hallways or at night. Playing with his long fingers while he laid in his bed, talking about everything and anything in the middle of the night. I missed feeling his hands around my body, when he held me close to himself while we were asleep. I had to force back my tears when I looked up at him. He was beautiful. Almost too beautiful to be too.

- May I have this dance? – he didn’t wait for my answer. Draco pulled me closer and placed his other hand on my waist. It was so easy for me to follow his lead. The memory of us slow dancing around the huge Christmas tree in the even huger living room of the Malfoy Manor from last winter rushed back to my mind. We sneaked out of his room after his parents went to sleep and cuddled up on the coach with hot chocolate in our hands, legs tangled as we watched the flames dancing in the fireplace. Out of nowhere, Draco stood up and pulled me with him to dance. And we did. We danced with no music playing, our carefree laughter filled the silent house. We were so happy and so in love in our bubble, we didn’t even realize that we actually woke up Lucius and Narcissa who watched us having fun.

- You look breathtakingly beautiful – he whispered in my ear. Shiver ran down my spine, and the butterflies woke up in my stomach. No, it wasn’t right. He was at the Ball with someone else, so I was. – Y/N…

- What are we going, Draco? – I asked him. A month had passed ever since the night when we broke up, and I had to realize, I was still unable to move on. All my attempts of forgetting him were for nothing, because now, that he held me so close to his body that I could feel his heart beating fast. And his cologne filled with mint and his natural scent filled my nose and mind to the point where I couldn’t think straight anymore. All those feelings, good and bad, love and pain, passion and suffering. It was him. And I.

- I miss you – he buried his face in my neck and took a deep breath – Why did you come to the Ball with Oliver?

- Oh, no – I pushed his head away – We are not doing this, Draco. You don’t have the right to ask me these kind of questions. We’re not together, so I don’t have to explain myself to you anymore.

- Y/N – Draco’s hands held me tighter, like he was trying to cling to me – Please. Did you forget everything we had? – his eyes were filled with pain – Don’t you remember the secret dates by the Great Lake? Or when we would sneak up to the Astronomy Tower to see the shooting stars and make wishes on them? – we were spinning around the dance floor, not paying attention to anyone around us – I only made one wish. To have you by my side and to feel your love for the rest of my life. Please, tell me you still remember…

- Of course I do – I said – But I also remember all the pain you caused. I still remember every fight we had. Every bad word we threw at each other. I remember the jealousy, and how insanely overprotective and controlling you would get from time to time – I looked up at him with tears in my eyes – I remember how much we were destroying each other, Draco.

- If it isn’t destroying you, then it is not love – his voice was hard. I looked away from him, only to catch Pansy and Blaise staring at us from the side of the dance floor. Their faces showed concern, worry and hope at the same time.

- No. If it is love, then is should build us – I said slowly – Our relationship was toxic, Dray. You have to face it. We were killing each other slowly – my voice broke a little – All we did was fight. You were never good with confessing your feelings to yourself, let alone showing it to someone. And I needed you to do it, so I pushed you. I’m terribly sorry for forcing you into something you clearly wasn’t comfortable with in the first place – I apologised to him – But I came to a realization, that if I have to fight and ask for your attention, than I don’t want it at all.

- What do you mean I never showed you how I felt? – he stopped for a bare second, but continued dancing – What about all the gifts that I bought to you?

- That’s exactly what I’m talking about – I raised my voice – Gifts. I never asked for them. All I wanted was your affection. All I wanted was you to love me the same way I loved you

- Loved? – this time he really stopped dancing. We were standing in the middle of the dance floor, facing each other for the first time in weeks. I could tell that our schoolmates were watching us, waiting for a big drama, but all I could think about was how did we end up here? After all those fights, we still had energy to argue more. And we did it while our song was playing in the background, just to make the whole situation even worse.

- I need to heal – tears ran down my cheeks as I looked him in the eye – You know that the only way a wound can heal, is if you stop touching it. You are that wound for me, Dray. I need to stay away from you. I need to stop thinking about you. I need to stop loving you so I can finally learn to be happy again without you. So I can love again one day.

I took a step closer to him. He looked so lost and so hurt. My heart was breaking by the sight of his grey eyes filling with tears. I placed a hand on his soft cheek and caressed the pale skin with my thumb in a calming way. After all, I can wanted the best for him.

- Until you heal yourself, you’ll be toxic to every woman who tries to love you, Draco – I whispered so only he could hear me. He grabbed the hand on his cheek and tried to pull me back to him, but I was faster and stepped away from him, turning my back at the boy who I loved with every piece of my heart. But he was also the boy who hurt me so many times. I never knew I could feel so much pain, and yet be so in love with the person causing it.

- Can we please leave? – I asked Oliver when I successfully pushed everyone out of my way. He was waiting by the huge door, looking at me with worry and concern written all over his face. Pansy was already standing there with him, knowing very well that I was going to need her too for the rest of the night. I wanted to look bad. I wanted to see him one last time. I don’t know what I wanted to see exactly. Maybe the pain in his eyes. The tears streaming down his beautiful angelic face. I wanted to see him in the same state that I had been in for weeks. But I couldn’t do it. I knew if I saw him hurt – because of me – I would have pushed away all the bad memories, all the pain, and the suffering that I had to go through because of him, and I would have ran back to him just to tell him how much I still love him and how much I want to protect him. But instead I grabbed Oliver and Pansy’s hands and dragged them with me to the courtyard. When I felt the cold breeze hitting my face, I let everything out. I fell in my knees and sobbed. I had to realize, if your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone that’s okay. It means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes endings. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our wellbeing. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into our life is meant to stay. Most relationship fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present. It’s just that one loves too much and the other loves too little.

Part 2?

#Draco Malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco x reader #draco imagine #draco x slytherin!reader #daddy draco #harry potter imagines #harry potter #hogwarts #yule ball #oliver wood #draco x y/n #draco x you

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amwritingmeta · 3 years

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I am just thinking about how it was such an asshole move to have Lucifer call as Cas and see Dean rush to the door and then not bring Cas back to life. That was something I forgot about until right now when I saw a gif of that scene

Hey, love!

Yeah, listen, I hear you, but I also reblogged a gifset the other day that so perfectly outlaid how Lucifer’s ruse is actually an underlining for what Cas means to Dean, because every other time Luci has used the “let me in” line it’s been in conjunction with showing up as the romantic counterpart of the person he’s trying to manipulate. Not that person’s best friend: their girlfriend or wife. Aka their the love of my life person.

Dean loves Cas back and this fact is shining so brightly in the subtext. It makes me all shades of thrilled and excited and joyous to even think about it!!

Is the omission of Cas from the narrative for the rest of that episode a little bit weird? Yes, it is. It would’ve been so easy for Dean to have one line to Jack our New God asking “What about Cas?” and Jack telling him “He’s at peace.” It’s very strange given how the episode started, with Dean demanding of Chuck to bring Cas back. It seems the perfect bookend moment for Dean to not demand of Jack, but simply ask.

However, no matter how at peace Cas is, Jack knows not to leave him in the Empty, because Cas doesn’t belong there, so having Dean ask about Cas and for Jack to dismiss the question (and Dean’s inherit longing to have Cas back that always accompanies Dean’s focus on Cas) with some airy statement, only for Jack to go get Cas the hell out of the Empty, but without sending Cas straight back to Dean, would’ve seemed even more OOC for Jack when we get the reveal that, actually, Cas is alive and with Jack and their off on a father/son remodelling of Heaven adventure tralala. Selfish, Jack. Right? :P

That scenario would’ve required proper refrigerator logic, yeah? Like... what was Jack’s actual motivation for keeping those two apart then? Since the subtext is telling us so strongly that they belong together! Wouldn’t Jack know? And after everything Dean’s been through, wouldn’t the best reward be to have Cas back in his life? What sort of God does that make Jack exactly?

What we get is Dean being shown to mourn Cas in 15x19 and omg do we have Dean wanting Cas back - there’s zero rejection due to the declaration of love, there’s as ever that focus on saving Cas, getting Cas back, nothing’s changed - and Dean all with the hope that Cas will show up, indicated by how he reacts to that call, and based in how Cas has always come back to him, only when it turns out that the caller is actually effing Lucifer, Dean’s immediate hope dwindles, and then, Dean’s facing Jack our New God and... well, why doesn’t Dean ask?

I think it was the only way to not have Cas back immediately, because Dean asking would’ve meant that Jack either would’ve had to give Dean actual hope that their separation wasn’t permanent, giving a less airy response than “He’s at peace” (because Jack knew that he was going to bust his dad the fuck out of eternal sleep in nothingness), or Jack would’ve had to grant Dean the reward of having Cas returned to him.

And neither option really worked with where Dean needed to be in his arc.

Well, to my mind, anyway.

Which was in acceptance of Cas’ absence. Acceptance and letting go and all the adulting that comes with moving into self-worth and a real sense of identity and letting go of the past to make way for the future, which was done very much in preparation for the letting go of Sam.

Letting go of the past and making way for the future was most clearly expressed in how Dean states that the pain of losing Cas and Jack will never go away, but not living would mean their sacrifices were meaningless, and so on with living he goes.

And the reward for this, for having integrated, for his self-actualisation, for being ready and open for whatever happiness comes his way, isn’t his sudden death - because that moment is given to him by the narrative as the final piece of the puzzle on his journey towards shaking off all that eternal sense of responsibility, and knowing peace - instead, the reward is finding Heaven remodelled by the love of his life, who has learned as many lessons on their joint journey as Dean has, and has been hard at work to make the afterlife what Dean truly deserves.

It’s a gift, Dean.

Making the moment of reunion linked to this, rather than Dean asking for Cas back from Jack, makes more sense, because Dean needed to properly let go of his need of Cas, and make way for his want of Cas, for his love, that doesn’t need Cas’ presence to validate it, but that just is, because it’s not in the having, it’s in just being, and I would say Jack is the type of God that knows that, and that knows that the reunion shouldn’t take place on Earth, but in Heaven. Especially in the Heaven that he’s about to create together with Cas.

And yes, it’s a bit sad that we weren’t given the brothers having a somewhat longer conversation about Cas, about him professing his love etc. but it goes with the tone of the finale, and I know we can look at it as though the love story was scrubbed clean of the narrative and yes, it does suck that it was consigned back to the subtext, but it’s still very much as present as it always has been.

Especially thanks to what’s come before: 15x18 being completely structured around couples in love losing one half and then this gentle callback to Lucifer’s pattern of behaviour when manipulating people by posing as the love of their life to gain their confidence.

There are little holes, I know there are, within the surface of the text of 15x19 and 15x20, but the logical way of filling them in is, to me, right there. Right in the narrative itself. You don’t have to go far to find them. Does that mend the holes of the textual impression of these final two episodes? No, not entirely.

I still wish Charlie and Stevie had been brought back as a statement, because I do understand the feeling that every queer character just up and died and it’s ridiculously careless, to my mind, to leave it to the subtext to ensure us they were of course brought back with everyone else by Jack.

And I’ll never understand why we didn’t get it stated that Eileen is Sam’s blurry wife. I mean... that wouldn’t have taken any effort whatsoever and would’ve meant a whole lot, so idk. Did it just not mean a whole lot to the writers? Just seems so weird.

Look it, we have Dean mourning Cas (via drinking and coping mechanisms), and wanting Cas back to the point of being ready to just up and die himself AGAIN (and being FURIOUS still, even though he admitted his anger got him and Cas into that room to begin with) but even if Dean kills Sam or Sam kills Dean or they kill each other, well, God had better fucking bring Cas back!! Which is like okay, calm down, Dean, this is exactly where you shouldn’t be in order to get Cas back, so, yeah, no wonder Chuck didn’t even respond to that demand.

Was it cruel and unusual to have Lucifer call Dean on the phone like that?

Yeah, it was, but it was also, in a way, if you want to look at the narrative we have and it is, end of the day, the narrative we have, a wake up call for Dean. After that he moves into teamwork mode with Sam and Jack and together they hatch the plan, the con, to defeat Chuck, and they succeed.

To me there’s threading there that emotionally resonates and makes a whole lot of sense for Dean’s arc. This final leg. The letting go of it all. The acceptance.

And so that’s what we get in 15x20. No more coping mechanisms. Just living life to the best of his ability, honouring Cas’ sacrifice, recognising he’s going to have to live with the pain of the loss, but he’s willing to do that, because he no longer feels he doesn’t matter, or that what he does doesn’t matter, because it mattered to Cas, and that has just finally brought his sense of worth into actual stark relay and he trusts it now. He trusts there’s more to him than being the weapon.

Cas took away Dean’s reason for his self-hatred and held up a mirror and said See yourself the way I see you. And so Dean does.

It’s beautiful. (literally) :)

Anyway, I just ramble on, but I hope that it explains why I see the good in the heartbreak, and how that heartbreak has left us with an ending that is wide open to a happily ever after that is setup by 15x18 and underlined by 15x20, and by that slow half-smile from Dean at hearing Cas is in Heaven too. That Cas is out of the Empty and free. That he’s the architect of Dean’s happiness. Because of course he is.

Of course he is.

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an-intronerd · 4 years

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thoughts on jaskier (+ geraskier) post episode 6: rare species

this was honestly supposed to be a teeny little rant but like, my hands grew minds of their own.

...

ok, so like, i recently binged the witcher (and i’m one of those people who has not yet read the books and never played the games, so going in, i had no idea who these characters were or what their dynamics in the other medias were like or anything) and next thing you know, i’m drowining in the geraskier fandom.

as one does, i’ve seen a lot of geraskier content, including fics and the like, and one idea that’s always there is that jaskier is this heartbroken, sullen, pining thing after the Big Fight. like, 98% of what i’ve seen or read has sad!jaskier. and like, the general plot is always like

jaskier is sad that geralt yelled mean things at him.

jaskier sings heartbroken love songs.

jaskier runs into geralt/geralt finds jaskier/somehow these two meet again.

geralt is a dick/geralt feels bad but is emotionally constipated so he doesn’t know how to use words to apologize/geralt saves jaskier’s life.

geralt and jaskier make up because jaskier knows how to read his witcher’s emotions and forgives him. optional: they bang.

the end.

and its like, people aren’t perfect?? i think that’s a little unrealistic. and yes, fanfiction can be like that sometimes, because it’s what we want to happen. but like, imagine this:

jaskier going through the 5 stages.

jaskier goes down the mountain, leaving geralt behind. what else can he possibly do?

jaskier spends a few nights wasted and crying because hey, guess what, the love of his life for the better part of two decades is a gaint wart-covered dick. he’s sad about it, sue him.

jaskier decides fuck this, his witcher is a piece of shit and though he is by no means the best person on the planet, he is at least good enough to deserve better than what geralt gave him. or well, was incapable of giving him.

jaskier decides he will move on, and it’ll start with him getting out of this mountainside village and heading to one of the first places where he truly found himself, oxenfurt. afterall, music has been and will always be the one constant and greatest pleasure in his life.

it takes time, but jaskier perseveres. he gets over his denial pretty quickly. he will not believe geralt didn’t care for him at all. he knows that’s an insult to both of them. geralt cared in his own way. thats the truth. unfortunately, the other, much harsher truth is that it wasn’t enough. so, no geralt won’t be coming for him, and jaskier won't be waiting around.

anger is a bit harder to get over. once it truly sets in, it’s all jaskier can do not to hunt down that fucking white wolf and tear him a new one. jaskier is a person, he is a human with feelings, and that damned witcher had no right to treat him like the scum at the bottom of his shoe. if it wasn’t for jasker, geralt would still be run out of every other town he came across, stoned and bloody. he’d probably have died in a puddle of his own blood fifty times over by now, considering all the times jaskier had to patch him up. that ungrateful prick. except, once he’s exhausted three supllies of parchment and written enough songs about the bitcher, (yes not his most creative insult but he’s too petty to care!) he knows none of that is remotely true. and he wants closure.

and that’s when bargaining hits him full force. all of a sudden, he just needs to see geralt one more time. once more great adventure and a song to go with it, one more meal shared, one more conversation, to see if geralt really ever cared. he needs to ask him, and have geralt verbally confirm or deny his doubts. he needs this, just once. one more time, he needs to see his witcher, and it’ll be enough. one more time. just once. he almost fails himself, on one lonely night. he knows he can’t, he doesn’t even know where he’d start looking but he’s drunk beyond the point where common sense dictates his actions, and he’s packed half his belongings... and he’s getting ready... to track down the white... wolf... he wakes up with a bitch of a hangover the next day, but he didn’t go after geralt. he knows deep down once will never be enough.

anger was tough, but depression was worse. it came for him like a siren in all her glory, drawing him in and in and in until he’s drowing and he didn’t even realise when that happened and then it’s too much, it’s too painful... he isn’t really surprised. he thrives on emotion, the good and the bad, it’s how he writes such brilliant ballads, he admits he hadn’t really delved into his own feelings about geralt yet. he hadn’t dealt with all the heartbreak follwing the mountain, and maybe he should have done so earlier, but he doesn’t think it matters. his heart wasn’t going to hurt any less months earlier when the wounds were still fresh. and though they may have closed up over time, the phantom pain is always with him. there are days where all he can do is curl up under his blankets and sob. some days he goes without eating a single morsel, finds himself lightheaded from dehydration, not leaving his bed for anything more than to relieve himself. some days, he flips through old songbooks, filled with twenty-odd years of adventure, both the fun and the dangerous kind, and laughter and frustration, companionship and solidarity... what was it he used to say? death and destiny, heroics and heartbreak. words of a lifetime past. some days, he compartmentalizes and sets all that aside in a little box in his mind and goes about his day as if he isn’t weighed down by the constant weight of his loss. it’s almost too much, but he’ll manage, he tells himself. he doesn’t let himself think of what he would do if he can’t.

it’s a cloudless day outside, and he’s in the market for new writing materials, and he’s going over next week’s lesson plan in his head, when he’s hit with the sudden realization that he hasn’t thought about geralt in a while. he’s thinking of him now, sure, but that doesn’t count because he’s thinking of how he’s not thinking of him, it’s a totally different thing, and oh- it doesn’t ache as much as it used to. he feels lighter than he has in a while, and he doesn’t know how that happened, or when, but he’s... okay.

that’s the thing about healing, it happens whether you realise it or not, you just have to give ypurself a chance. it’s pontless to hold on to the negative feelings because you’re trying to hold on to something or someone that isn’t there anymore or maybe never really was. he didn’t know when it happened, but. the bitterness that accompanied the memories of geralt’s last words is no longer there. neither is the anger. there’s a dull sadness, but mostly it’s resignation and a sort of comfortable if lonely acceptance that geralt is gone. but there’s also a bittersweet understanding that jaskier will always love him. the history they shared isn’t erased because of a few angry words. jaskier will have, if nothing else, a lifetime full of moments and memories. if he sees geralt again, it will no longer be with a vision clouded in pain or anger or sadness, but rather a deep-seated love and forgiveness. he will let geralt decide now what they will be to each other. but he will not accept anything less than what he is worth. he will not be geralt’s punching bag. if geralt wants to have a relationship with him again, it will be one of equals, the bard and the witcher. if he wants to go their seperate ways, well, jaskier will live content like that too.

he’s moved on.

sometimes, moving on doesn’t mean finding someone else. sometimes, it means mending your own heart, piece by broken piece, and then tucking it away safely inside, giving it a chance to heal. it’s about making that very difficult choice to let go of the bad that you’re holding on to, because it’s a way of holding on to the person you lost. it’s about finding yourself again, and who you were before the pain and heartbreak, and, figuring out who you want to be now. i need more of that, because that’s real. that’s how i imigine jaskier would feel. he’s not perfect, and he has his ups and downs as all of us do, and he is angry at geralt and sad and broken but also he’ll pick himself up, because he was someone before geralt, too, and he’ll still be someone after geralt, not just the witcher’s bard. he doesn’t know who that is yet, but he’ll figure it out.

and because i’m at my core a geraskier + happy endings hoe:

geralt realises an important thing on that mountaintop. he has been running from destiny and anything real all his life. he needs to get his head out of his ass, and find ciri. clearly, he was destined to lose yen, and that’s happened, no matter how hard he tried to make it different. she’s destined to be his and he accepts that now, but everything else is up to him.

he finds ciri, and then, he’s a father. he vows to be a better parent than the one he had.

he finds yen, and they learn to be enough for each other without turning it into something more than a vague frienship. somewhere between a truce and a partnership. for ciri, they agree.

he returns to kaer morhen, to his family with his daughter and his yennefer in tow.

he realises that he has everything he could ever want, and more than any witcher ever gets, but there’s still something missing.

then he realises it’s his bard, the one person who wasn’t unwillingly tied to him because of some wish or destiny, someone who chose him every single time, and who he misses with such a fierce ache.

then he remebers how badly he fucked that up, and then yen tells him he’s a wart-covered, emotionally constipated dick, and dumb too, but hey thank god you finally got your head out of your ass long enough to realise that you miss your bard and you’re sorry for what you did and you love him, and geralt just goes what? yen, love? oh- okay so that’s what the constant turning of his stomach and insomnia is.

then he sets out to find his bard, and ciri asks if she’ll finally get to hear all those famous songs about geralt from the source, and he says he hopes so.

it doesn’t take him long to find his bard, now a professor at oxenfurt academy, and geralt thinks that makes perfect sense because where else would jaskier have gone but to one of the few bright bits of his youth?

he gets to oxenfurt and it’s a cloudless day, and there’s people millig about and he thinks he’ll head to an inn and give roach a well-deserved rest, and then his heart stops. because there is jaskier, exchanging coin for parchment, and he looks just as he did a year and a half ago, except less disappointed and more happy and his heart hasn’t beaten this fast since he was a child left on vesemir’s doorstep. he thinks of all the nights he’s been unable to sleep because he had gotten so used to the bard’s humming and how it had been the most soothing wordless lullaby. he thinks of his last words, and he feels his breath leave him, because jaskier had taken it to heart, and left him. he’d given geralt his one blessing, and geralt thinks that those words are something he will regret for as long as he is living. he gives himself a moment to wonder if perhaps he should leave jaskier to the life he’s created for himself, be unselfish for once and let jaskier remain happy and safe and free.

he should leave, though he knows that jaskier deserves so much more from him, an apology to start, and then a real friendsip, one tat goes both ways, and wow, geralt really is a wart-covered dick because he had treated jaskier so unfairly and he doesn’t undertsand why jaskier kept coming back to him, again and again. destiny hadn’t entwined their paths. jaskier chose to entangle them anyways. and he deserves so much more than geralt of rivia, and he should let jaskier have that, he should...

but he couldn’t walk away now, not when jaskier, his bard, his life-long friend, is standing right there, and jaskier turns, collecting his items and geralt stops breathing because jaskier looks over, and geralt watched the recognition flit over the bard’s face as he sees roach and then up, up, up, his eyes trace geralt’s form until.

their eyes meet, and jaskier smiles.

tl;dr: i just want more realistic portrayls of jaskier’s emotions after the Big Fight in episode 6, and i want to see jaskier go through all the feelings, and more depth to him that just some pining, heartbroken lump of a person. he’s more nuanced than that, i think.

p.s: a big part of this ended up being based on my own experineces with love and friendship, pain and hertbreak, and the process of moving forward despite it all. idk how much of that comes through, and i hadn’t really planned for this post to go in the direction that it did, but i like how it turned out. i’m still trying to figure out that tricky little thing about making the choice to let go, and writing this helped?

p.p.s: this ended up way, way, wayyyyy longer than i intended, oops? why do i do this lol

p.p.p.s: if fics like this actually exist, please feel free to tag me in them or send me links, i would adore you forever!

#jaskier #geralt #geraskier #oh also #personal #lol why am i like this #the witcher #works and writings and other such musings

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theeternalblue · 4 years

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This is probably an incomplete list of my varchie fics. Incomplete because I have many drabbles that won’t be found here but you have read on my tumblr.

Tell Them I’m Home [T - Romance/Family Fluff - AU - ON GOING] When younger, Archie always imagined himself having children, but it was married to a woman he’d love wholeheartedly. Yet, he doesn’t regret a single decision of those that brought his daughter into his life. She is the brightest light. Archie’s sure he was meant to be a dad, even if he must raise this child alone. He's given up on love. But has love given up on him? Because their new neighbor might change his mind about that thought.

a drop of life [M - Romance/Supernatural - Vampire AU - ON GOING] Archie is not living his best life in New York City. Life itself has been harder than he could've thought. His last chance is a job he never expected to have, in a place that shouldn't exist. The Lodges seem a mystery, and Veronica is the princess of a tale with no happy endings.

Too Cold To Hold [NR - Angst/Drama/Romance - Future Fic - IN HIATUS] Veronica is a succesful businesswoman in NYC, with a new bistro about to open and good friends who support her. Her life seems perfect, except for one detail: Archie Andrews. The boy who captivated her during her adolescence is now the man breaking her heart. How can a love so great make them so miserable?

Little Dove vs. Vulture [T - Romance - Future Fic - DISCONTINUED] Not everyone has Archie's father. Veronica is quite aware of it. When she finds out about Hiram latest trick, she runs back to the only allies she knows.

Wake me on Christmas Eve [T - Romance/Christmas - College AU] Moments set during Christmas time and how the holidays work their magic.

Fate Odyssey (A Smuggler’s Tale) [M - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - AU] Veronica Lodge lives a lonely life smuggling goods across the system to get-by. She cannot complain about her job, after all, it was her choice. That's why she's not at all happy when she's tricked into smuggling a prince across the system, just so he can escape his fate. This is the one risk she shouldn't take. This is the one thing that could reveal her secret.

learn to love [T - Romance - Future fic] They were already engaged, on their merry way to become husband and wife, but at the engagement party, Archie realizes maybe they aren’t doing it for the right reasons. And right after that, Veronica decides she needs to discover what’s behind the love they claim to have for each other. This is how you start dating after you’ve fallen in love, to discover who you’ve fallen in love with.

of sweet & lacy things [T - RomCom/Fluff - AU] When Betty and Jughead asked Veronica to take care of their daughter for a week, she never guessed the surprises it could bring to her life. That includes a handsome teacher, the world of a six-year-old, and surprises courtesy of her best friend. Will she be able to handle all that and the new holiday collection for her lingerie brand?

Plunging Breaker [NR - Romance/Summer Romance - AU] Kevin is planning to get married to Moose. Betty and Veronica aren't quite sure about his decision, but they will follow their friend anywhere. It's also great if that anywhere includes sunny beaches in Hawaii and unexpected fleeting romance. But maybe it's not so fleeting... and who knows if there will be marriage. For Veronica, it seems like at one point or another, everything will come crashing down.

Don’t Be Mean [T - Fluff/Romance - College AU] Veronica never thought meeting Betty's high school friend could change her life so much."Most of the time she steals glances at Archie. He’s everything she expected from a friend of Betty – sweet if a little clueless, which balances Jughead quite well."

parallel lines [T - Romance - Canon divergence - Collab with @tuesdayschildd] The distance between two points might be shorter than expected.Two friends will figure that out while working on their geometry homework.

grateful for us [T - Fix-up fic ep 4x07] A new take of the Thanksgiving episode (4x07) focusing on Archie and Veronica. An idea by @andsmile

magnetic (drawn to you) [T - Romance - Future fic] Becoming an adult most times means growing apart, but there are certain people who can only go back together, because it was always supposed to be that way.

Entre tus manos [T - Romance - Español/Spanish] La vida de Archie ha estado llena de cambios que han traído mucho dolor. Lo menos que quiere después de perder a su padre, es pensar cómo el futuro puede también hacer que deba separarse de la chica que ama.

Ask Me [T - Romance/Humor - AU] When Archie Andrews finds the Instagram account of Veronica Lodge, he follows her, but he never could've guessed what was going to happen, and his friends cannot believe it either.

falling 101 [T - collection of ficlets set during college - AU]

safe [T - Fluff/Romance - Futre fic] Sometimes it takes to be in danger to remember the truly important things in life.

Escape [T - Romance/Humor - AU] After a long day, Veronica thinks she deserves to go for a drink, but meeting a stranger and crashing a party with him could become more fun than she hoped for.

playhouse [M - horror/suspense - Future Fic] Looking for their dream home, Archie and Veronica may have found something else entirely. And when their dreams are ripped at the seams, what are they supposed to hold onto?

sugar and everything nice [T - Fluff/Romance] Just an afternoon baking cookies for a first time. Pure fluff.

like that day [T - Angst] You can envy the lives of those you love. You can crave to have them near just to have a share of that life.

Don’t Be A Meanie [T - collection of drabbles in Don’t Be Mean universe] These are scenes from Archie and Veronica's life as parents.

Pack Our Bags [G - Fluff/Angst] Post 2x17. They have the means, why not just leave?

On My Own [T - Angst] Post 2x08. Spoilers ahead.There are a few concepts Veronica knows, but there's one that is elusive.

Fools Out Of Love [T - Angst/Romance - Future Fic] Veronica left for college under heartbreaking circumstances, but a motorcycle rider decides it's time for reunion. Regretfully, no one knows how to mend the broken.

Disguise It [T - Fluff/Angst] She tries to kiss him again and forget about this stupid feeling of inadequacy.

Morning [T - Fluff/Angst] “I’ve got you” A soft morning between Archie and Veronica, following the beginning of season two.

Lost Boy [T - Angst/Romance] This follows the season one finale

Constant Crush [T - Angst/Friendship] It's just a crush. And crushes are easy to get over, aren't they?

#masterlist #[mine]

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lo-55 · 3 years

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Shattered Chains of Fate Ch. 5

Heart Breaker

(Spoilers for Fate/Apocry[ha Inheritors of Glory.

Also Achilles is Gay and you can’t change my mind)

Mash was turning out to be a real heartbreaker.

Right outside of Alcatraz and they’ve been accosted by Fergus and Diarmud, who is a Lancer her and not a Saber like Ichigo was used to. Not only were they now fighting two servants, but Fergus had the gall to propose to Mash.

Which is how Ichigo ends up breaking all rules of a holy grail war and he, the master, stomps over to their opponents and punches Fionn on the head as hard as he can. He would have done more damage to the brick walls but he thinks he gets the point across because -

“She’s a kid! Don’t go proposing to someone like that you goddamn creep! I’ll kick your ass!”

Medusa has to catch him in her chains and forcibly drag him back to the group while he threatens bodily injury to the opposing servant.

“And for that matter stop being a dick to Diarmud! Asshole!”

“Well now that’s a foul mouth. Are all masters like you?” Fergas rubs his head, looking unruffled and honestly? Ichigo’s pretty sure he just broke his damn hand. Totally worth it.

“There are no other masters,” Ichigo scowls. The ground rumbles as a whole army of celtic warriors crest the hill. They’re caught, between the sea and the army and the servants. And to top it all off, there’s a crack in the sky. Along with the ring of solomon, a jagged smile rips through the sky and crawls with dark teeth. A monster crawls out and Kyo grimaces.

“If you keep releasing your reitsu like that, you’re going to summon a whole army of them here,” he said frankly. Ichigo stares at him.

“Huh?”

“You didn’t even notice, did you?” Kyo looks him over, something thoughtful in his eyes. “I suppose you wouldn’t. You’re only human, isn’t that right?”

“Uh yeah. Just human.”

“Master,” Cu elbows him, “It’s time to fight.”

“Right,” Ichigo turns to the living and clenches his fist in front of his chest, his command seals burning against his skin. “Let’s take them down! Rama, show us what that sword of yours can do!”

“Yes!” Rama helfts his blade and fire erupts, scorching and hot. He grins, a king and a warrior at one and-

Throws it like a frisbee.

Ichigo stares, mouth open, as it rips through the enemy like an overpowered saw blade. That was on fire.

“So that’s his Noble Fantasm, huh?” Ichigo runs his fingers through his hair. He can feel it draining his mana, but he could probably stand for it to be released a few more times before he collapses.

“Okay,” Ichigo focuses on the battle again, his mind whirling. Two lancers, and they have one Saber, one Berserker, on Lancer, one Rider, one Shielder, one Caster and Ichigo himself. Lancers were weak to Sabers, and strong to Archers, which they don’t have.

He can work with this.

“Mash, get ready. Cu, you too,” he keeps his plan quiet, his directions firm and the world focuses down to this point, this battle. Diarmund and Fergus are stronger than them by far but Ichigo will not accept defeat or failure. Together, they can drag victory out of their jaws.

By the time the fight ends he realizes that Kyo is staring at him intently. Ichigo scowls at him in return.

“What?” he asks irritably.

“I was just wondering… What on earth is happening here?”

“Huh? It’s a holy grail war,” obviously. But the ghost just stares at him, and Ichigo realizes that he’s going to have to explain. About the singularities, about the incineration of humanity. About the end of the world that they’re trying so hard to prevent.

By the time he’s done, Kyo is pale and his mouth is drawn tight.

“That’s- that’s insane! If the living world ends, so will the worlds of the dead!”

“Oh yeah?” Ichigo hums. “That’s fucked up. But, we’re not gonna let that happen. Even if our assination attempt failed, we’ll just have to meet them head on.”

“You say that like it will be easy,” Rama comes to his side and looks vaguely in the ghosts direction. “The truth of the matter is, even with all of us, our chances at winning are still going to be slim.”

“So?” Ichigo crosses his arms over his chest. “This isn’t our first rodeo. We’ll win. We have to.” He says it like it’s simple. And to him, it is.

“If that’s the case,” Kyo eyes Ichigo speculatively. “You might want to suppress your Reitsu. How you still have it when other people are eating it is beyond me… You’re like a fountain, still bubbling up even as everyone drinks from you.”

“Couldn’t you make a less weird analogy?” Ichigo frowns at him. “And how do I do that?”

“What do you mean ‘how’? You take your reitsu and draw it into yourself.”

“... I have no idea how to do that.”

“Well, if you don’t figure it out you’re going to keep attracting those monsters,” he nods towards the fading corpses he’s left after his fight. Ichigo recognizes the dust they leave as a type of magic ingredient. Void dust. How weird…

“Fine then. I guess until I figure out how to do that-” Ichigo grabs the ghost by the wrist and starts dragging him towards the east. They need to find Robin, fast.

“You’re coming with us.”

“Sorry but, uh, who the fuck are you?” Ichigo asked when he finally regained consciousness. “And more importantly why the fuck are you in bed with me?!”

Which is a sentence he never thought he’d have to say. But here they were. Because fuck everything.

Instead of answering him the man, one of Urahara’s associate’s if he remembered, started shouting right next to Ichigo’s ear for ‘Tenchou’. Whoever that was, Ichigo planted his foot into the man’s chest and shoved him viciously off. A twinge of pain shot through his back, but he pushed past it. He was well on the mend, and he’d always healed fast.

He closes his eyes and takes a breath. The coldness of Rukia’s energy inside of him is gone, and he’s only a human once more. A human with high reitsu, but still a human nonetheless. What had happened?

Ichigo looks up when a more familiar face walks into the room. Urahara.

“You shouldn’t move around too much. Your injuries could still kill you.”

Ichigo snorts derisively. “Not at this point. If I was gonna die, I already would have. You were the one who saved me, right? There was someone else there too, another kid about fifteen-”

“He’s fine,” Urahara interupts. “I fixed him on the spot and he left. In fact, he asked me to take care of you.”

“Huh? Uryu did?” Ichigo can’t help the start of a smile. “I knew he liked me. He was just in denial.”

“He also said, ‘the only one who can save Rukia is probably Ichigo’.”

“Ah? That’s a lot of faith,” Ichigo crosses his legs under the sheets, staring down at the wrinkles in them. Uryu didn’t even know everything he could do, everything he had done. No one alive did and he was starting to regret it. To save Rukia though… How was he going to do that? “I’ll have to find a way to Soul Society… And, I couldn’t do it on my own. I wonder…”

He didn’t have enough mana to keep a servant around full time. Normally the holy grail maintained most of them. And during his tenure at Chaldea Chaldea’s system had managed about eighty percent of the upkeep. He definitely didn’t have the mana for a summoning, which took more all at once than just having a servant by his side. Otherwise, he’d have called someone to his side ages ago.

It didn’t help that he didn’t really have any catalysts. Almost everyone he’d ever summoned had been pure luck. And now he had nothing of any of theirs. Waver might have something, but still.

Would he even be able to take his servants into the afterlife? Or would they be drawn back to the throne of heroes?

What about Ereshkigal? Where was she in all this? The age of gods was over, and they had faded from the earth, but was she toiling away in the afterlife? Trying to bring beauty to Kur?

“I should have asked Rukia…”

“If it’s any consolation, I know a way into Soul Society.” .

“Do you?” He wasn’t even remotely surprised. No, this guy seemed like someone who would know a way to traverse dimensions.

Ichigo made a private vow to never let him anywhere near Merlin.

“I do,” Urahara was giving him a strange look from under his mask, but Ichigo was too tired and in too much pain to care. The only thing that mattered was saving Rukia. Once he figured out how to get there, he could set about figuring out how to get his servants too. If Renji and Byakuya were any indication, he should be able to make it with most of his closest allies. Assuming he could summon them.

“Alright. And what do I have to do to get you to tell me? I doubt you’ll do that for free, even if she is a regular of yours.”

“Oh my, do you really have such little faith in me?”

Ichigo just gives him a look, and the airy smile starts to fade.

“Alright. The condition you have to meet is simple. Starting now, for ten days, you have to train with me.”

Ichigo cocks his head. “Do I have that much time? Rukia’s supposed to be executed.”

Urahara breaks down the timeline for him. A month, he has one month to get strong enough to beat Byakuya without Rukia’s powers to help him. Ten days to train, seven days to get there, and thirteen days to save her. There’s something else going on, Urahara has no need to help him this much, but he’s learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

There’s definitely something going on here that he doesn’t understand. And Urahara is using him for something else. But…

‘A scumbag who will do anything to win.’ That was what Roman had called Merlin. And this man, his eyes are just the same. Willing to do anything to win. To win what? He’s missing something big. Had Rukia had something important to him? Was she more than just a customer?

So far, Urahara has done nothing but help him. So Ichigo has no reason to distrust him.

“Alright. How do you plan on training me? With weapons? Or magic?”

“Shinigami call it Kidou,” he says helpfully, but Ichigo knew that already. “And if you must know, I plan to restore your shinigami powers.”

“That’s not possible. Rukia’s powers are gone from me now. I can’t feel them anymore. It’s not cold like it used to be.”

“Cold? I see. So you could feel her zanpakuto the entire time. That’s quite impressive.”

Ichigo just shrugs. “If you say so. I was only a demi-shinigami, so it’s only natural that I can’t feel her power inside me anymore.”

“A demi-shinigami? I’ve never heard it called that before. Substitute is the proper term.”

“I don’t really give a shit. The point is, I don’t have those powers anymore, so there’s no way to ‘restore’ them.”

“That’s true. Perhaps I should have put it this way. ‘I will make you into a shinigami in your own right’. Without Rukia’s powers. Only your own.”

Ichigo freezes. Because what? How will that even work?

“My own power.” He repeats. He’s never-

The concept is so foreign. Never has he fought only with his own power. It’s always been someone else's. Mash’s, Cu’s, Medusa’s, and the dozen other servants that have fought at his side. Rukia’s power, snow through his veins.

To fight with just his own power… To go toe to toe with Byakuya and Renji using his own strength.

Is it even possible?

“Aren’t Shinigami dead?”

Urahara is strangely quiet.

“Yes. They are.”

“So for me to be a shinigami, you would have to kill me.”

“Yes.”

He’s honest, at least. “Give me a day to consider it.”

A day to talk to Waver, a day to try and summon his friends, a day to decide what he’s going to do. Because Servants run on Mana, life energy, and if he’s dead-

Will he ever see any of them again? Will he ever dream of Merlin again? Will he be able to keep his promise to him, and break him out of his prison at the end of time?

“Of course. Go to school, have some time alive. Then come back tomorrow, and give me your answer.” It sounds like Urahara thinks he already knows the answer. And maybe he does, but Ichigo needs a while.

He leaves an hour later, wrapped up like a mummy.

* *

Ichigo is a time traveler. He is in the middle of time travel right now. So, it shouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that alternate timelines, along with time travel, are a thing.

That doesn’t mean that he expects to be pulled into one in the middle of an already difficult singularity. He’s still not one hundred percent sure who is one his side, if anyone is besides the three he’s come with, but Nightingale seems to be willing to follow him, and Rama as well. And Liz is here, again, and as much trouble as she can be she’s still pretty reliable in a pinch. And Kyo was at his side now too.

So there’s a few people on his side, and he’s glad for them, but the american’s are a pain in the ass and the celts are trying to end the world, and he’s had a hard enough time falling asleep when an honest to god dragon appears before him (in his dream, he thinks) and whisks him off to a castle and a city and an alternate timeline where apparently Fuyuki never even happened and instead a bunch of giddy millenials (or whatever the fuck their names was) stole a grail and fought a saint and now inside the grail the war is starting again.

Which - what?

How is this even his life?

But the dragon turns into a human, and then there’s a sorta-centaur trying to teach them how to fight and Achilles is so. Very. Gay.

“A chariot isn’t meant for just one,” and a cocky smile and Ichigo is pretty sure he wants to punch him. But he takes his hand instead, stands at the head of the chariot with one arm buffering him on each side and they fly.

They’re lightning in the sky, all divinity and invincibility and power. They mow down the opposing faction like they’re cutting down grass instead of heroes from ages past and Ichigo knows at once that as soon as he can he needs to find a way to summon this hero.

Even if it meant dealing with bad flirting. And his weird aversion to fighting with women. And his stupid, cocky attitude.

Ichigo can work with a lot of things. Plenty of people (mainly Kiyohime) are already trying to get in his pants. What’s one more person? Especially such a powerful rider.

Powerful Rider.

And that puts mental images in his head that he did not need, thanks all the same. He can’t look at Achilles for a full three hours afterwards.

The dragon, Seig, turns out to be a homunculus, created by the Young Millennials or whatever as a sort of battery to power their mage craft. Which is beyond fucked up, and Ichigo privately vows to strangle any of the ones he meets.

On top of that, when he wakes up the next morning there’s a little kid at the edge of his bed, covered in scars, not wearing any proper clothes and calling him ‘mommy’ and Ichigo decides then and there that alternate universes are more trouble than they’re worth. This kid, he's met her before. Jack the Ripper, and she calls him 'mommy', again.

“I’m not even a girl damn it!”

But the kid’s persistent, and cute in a really creepy way, so Ichigo can’t really do anything besides constantly telling her not to call him ‘mommy’. But that works as well as trying to get anyone else to use his given name instead of ‘Master’.

They end up having a picnic in a garden hosted by a berserker and a Saber he’d met in london. There are a lot of people he'd met in London here. The little girl, Jack, the Saber, Mordred, and Fran too of course.

They didn’t recognize him. Why would they? These were memories of servants, and technically they’d never met Ichigo at all being from another timeline. And only existed in the dream he’d been having for like three days.

He was going to make his head hurt if he kept thinking of all this.

They fly to the Hanging Gardens, and take their owner onto their side. Ichigo is starting to get used to the idea of beating someone’s face in and them being his friend afterwards.

Together, they finally reach the center of the chaos. A mad man who had turned himself into a servant before being killed. Darnic Prestone Yggdamellenia. One of the people who had made and tried to kill Sieg. Ichigo has to fight not to strangle him when he offers to fulfill the wishes of all of his friends. Bribing them with what they want most, if they only surrender to him.

It’s Achilles who steps forwards.

“I hate to break it to you, but I’m gonna have to pass. I woudln’t really be a hero if I went along with you now, would I? We’re meant to live life to the fullest. If we stumble along the way, that doesn’t invalidate what happened before the fall, or after. And reproduction or now. Servant or not. As long as I’m still me…”

“I’m not doing anything a real hero wouldn’t do!”

Mordred scoffs at Ichigo’s right. “For once, you carrot looking weirdo, we’re on the same page.”

“Carrot looking weirdo?!”

“I can’t exactly say I got the cleanest hands around here, but there’s still no way I’d side with you! Even I’d feel gross going along with your plan, asshole.”

They each step up, one after the other. Denying their dreams, denying immortality, for the sake of staying true to themselves. What is a dream worth if you lose yourself along the way?

They fight. They fight against the castle, they fight against themselves, they fight against reproductions that will not quit spawning, one copy after the other until even Mordred is nearing exhaustion. But they do not falter, they do not stop.

And in the end, they are saved by a vampire. The Gardens collapse and the dream has to end, but before they leave, they say their goodbyes, their thanks.

Achilles even goes so far as to pull his orange sash off and drape it around Ichigo’s neck like a scarf that matches his hair.

“You know, it’s kind of nice,” he says, his smile half cocked. “Even though this is the end of our time together… When I was alive, I never could relax after a battle because I knew there was always going to be another one on the way right after. But now…”

“I’m satisfied. We won, and there’s no civilians around so we didn’t have to worry about massacres or any other atrocities. That’s nice. Oh, and Hektor’s not around! That’s good.”

Hektor. The one who’d shot him down.

“You must hate him, huh?”

“Not exactly,” Achilles frowns, “But if you ever summon us at the same time, I’ll find a way to get around it. We’ll work it out, we just have to think positive. But,” he shakes his head, “That’s not what I really want to say.”

“Then just spit it out already,” Ichigo orders. Achilles grins at him.

“I’m trying to say, I hope you summon me again. It’s been fun fighting alongside with you! So if you ever find yourself in a tight spot in Greece, just call for me and I’ll come running no matter when or where you are. And that’s a promise!”

Achilles grins at him, and disappears in a cloud of gold glitter.

When Ichigo wakes up, the scarf is still around his neck, and Kyo is staring at him like he’s grown a second head.

* * *

There’s a cat across the street from his house.

Not his house, but the house that is his and not his families. The one that is empty, and not meant to be lived in. It’s… hard, to be around his family. To be around people who don’t understand war and pain and loss and trying, trying, trying, and still losing so much even if you win in the end.

There’s a cat across the street from his house and a plain brown package on the doorstep.

Ichigo pauses, the keys in his hands, and turns to the cat. Pitch black, with gold eyes. It trots across the street towards him, neatly avoiding the only car coming along, and Ichigo kneels down in front of it. He offers his hand, and the creature gives him a dainty sniff.

It doesn’t have mana.

Any mana.

That is… not normal. No mana but reitsu. A soul in a body?

“Oh. Are you a familiar?” he runs his fingers along the crest of the cat’s head, scratching carefully behind the ears. “You’re not Wavers. Or anyone’s local. Are you from the Mage’s Association?”

Ichigo stands and moves to the house, picking up the box on his way in. The lock turns with a click and hums with magic before it let’s the door swing open.

“I hope this isn’t a bomb,” he says idly. “That would be a really sloppy way to assassinate someone, don’t you think?”

How mad must he look, standing on his doorstep and talking to a black cat.

To be fair, the cat seems to nod at him before making his (?) way into the house. A discrete glance and Ichigo changes his assessment. Probably a her cat. A lady cat? Did female cat’s have a particular name? Like a bitch or a cow or mare?

He shuts the door firmly behind him and makes his way into the kitchen, where he sets the package on the table. He puts a kettle on to boil water and pulls out a small carton of milk from the fridge for his impromptu guest.

Ichigo does not have a familiar. He had been lent Fou for a long, long time but he’d never had one of his own. They’re an extension of their master, an extra eye and ear and, Ichigo privately thinks, a way to battle off loneliness.

Mage’s are strange creatures.

Typically, they only have one or two children. An heir and a spare, no more. And even then, only the most promising of the two is taught the family mage craft and given their magic crest. Mage’s are viciously protective of their secrets and their magic, even amongst their peers, and Ichigo has seen the life as lonely.

Ichigo, contrarily, is a pack animal.

He’s no chatterbox. He’s not bubbly or outgoing or honestly all that talkative, but he thrives on other people being nearby. They give him purpose and drive, they strengthen him.

That might be why he’d clung so hard to Rukia Kuchiki.

She had given him power, yes. Power to fight on his own, power to save his family, and for that he would always be grateful. But she was also a warrior, a survivor, and something in her was jagged and fierce. She was a survivor, even if he didn’t know what of.

She was, just a little bit, like him. In a way that no one else he knew was.

Ichigo was alone.

He had his friends. He had his family but they didn’t understand, they couldn't understand.

They wouldn’t understand his sudden need to sit with the door in plain sight and the window’s far from his back. They wouldn’t understand the abrupt change in his priorities list, that put ‘survive’ on top of everything else when it used to be ‘take care of the girls’. They would not understand the sudden feeling of weightlessness that comes from stepping out from under the weight of the world for the first time in years and loss that came with that same victory.

He has no servants. He has no Romani, no Da Vinci. No Mash.

Ichigo is utterly alone.

He is alone, and Rukia had alleviate that in a way that even Chad, his best friend, his partner, couldn’t.

War has alienated Ichigo from the very people he fought in it to protect and doesn’t that just fucking figure?

Ichigo stands in the kitchen, watching the cat finish her milk.

“I’m going to bed,” he announces. Maybe Merlin will have some ideas.

He completely forgets about the package that is hopefully not a bomb.

* * * *

Ichigo is getting sick of all of their potential allies trying to kill him at first.

It seems like every time they turn around someone wants them to ‘prove their worth’ or test them in battle or something equally annoying. It doesn’t help that this is scathach and the second she showed up Cu started acting like a totally different person.

And by that, he means he’s jumpy like a beaten dog and ramrod straight like a student on the shit list.

And, she can totally see Kyo.

Even if all she does is throw him a wink that had him bristling.

She’s… bewildering. She’s fierce and vicious and Ichigo is very glad she’s not the enemy. She’s one of the only people he’s seen that might be able to go head to head with Cu Alter and win. Instinct tells him that she’s dangerous, that she’s darkness in a way that threatens to draw him in. He can see, in the way they move, in the way they fight, how she might be Cu’s mentor.

The queen of the shadow lands, and doesn’t that have Kyo’s attention?

“That fool,” she looks to the east, “That pitiful fool. I’m sure he’s only this way because of the wicked queen’s wish. He found one thorn unbearable. To be covered in them must be torture. He must he out of his mind, burdened with a thousand.”

“But by paying that price, he has surpassed even me. They say an idiot without hesitation is strong, don’t they?”

A warm hand lands on Ichigo’s shoulder and he looks up, to his Cu, his faithful watchdog, his Caster. “All power has their price, Master. Think about the weight of a sword before you draw it.”

All Ichigo can do is nod. What is he meant to say to that? His heart hurts for the Cu so alike and so different from his owns suffering. He didn’t ask for his position anymore than Ichigo did. But, he will not hesitate when he has to fight him. He needs to win. He needs the grail.

If he doesn’t win, he’ll never see his friends again. He’ll never see his family. His father, his sisters. They’ll all be gone. And he won’t let that happen, no matter what kind of sympathy he might have for the enemy.

“Right. We should get moving soon. Before the enemy catches up with us.”

It still doesn’t sit quit right with him.

“You’re troubled,” Kyo notes, falling into step with him.

“Yeah,” Ichigo can’t deny that. “Each one of these wars gets more and more complicated, and each time the people we face are stronger. I feel like I’m trying to pull apart headphones from my pocket sometimes.”

“...excuse me?”

Ichigo ends up explaining to Kyo, and apparently to everyone else too, how headphones work, what a cell phone is, how they work (and honestly all he knows is there’s satellites and that brings about a whole other conversation) and by the time he’s exhausted his already limited understanding of radiowaves and electric currents they’re in the desert and Scathach wants him to fight a pack of wyverns off with his bare hands.

He (somehow) manages not to die, and he suddenly understands Cu’s attitude towards his teacher.

* * * * *

“Do you know-”

“I’m in a dream, Merlin,” Ichigo interrupts him before he can even get the full sentence out out, and the mage cocks a brow in question. Ichigo sits up and leans on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“My, your life never is dull. Why don’t you tell Merlin all about it?”

“...Are you going to start talking in third person if I do?”

“No. You’ll probably hit me.”

Ichigo manages a wan smile. “You know me so well.”

Ichigo does end up telling him what happened with Rukia. About almost winning but getting his ass kicked and his borrowed power ripped away. And Urahara’s offer to kill him.

“If I die, would I even be able to see you again?”

Merlin cocks his head. “Well. If you’re asking me what happens after you die, may I remind you that I am one of the least qualified individuals to answer that question, being an immortal. If you had more time I would suggest you make a trip to scotland, or even greece. Places where the afterlife have been reached in the past. But, I suppose that’s out of the question.”

“He said I have a month before she’s executed.”

“You’ve done more with less time. ”

“And significantly more backup.”

“True. You could always ask that Quincy boy to give you a crash course in your mother’s powers. Although…”

“What?” Ichigo narrows his eyes at him.

“This man said he can give you Shinigami powers. I doubt that they’re something that can just be taught. Like mage craft, I’ll bet it has to be inherited, or brought on by mutation. Perhaps it’s only a lingering spark from your little friend, but in any case, I don’t see why you’d need to die. You’ve projected your soul out of your body a half dozen times before.”

“This isn’t ray shifting. And even if it was, I don’t have Chaldea or a coffin to help me.”

“No. But I suspect that the answers are somewhere inside of you, instead of merely with this shady shopkeeper.”

“... like you have room to call anyone shady. “

Merlin laughs, a soft breath on the wind.

“No, I certainly don’t. “

He’s still staring at Ichigo.

“What?” It makes his skin crawl when Merlin does that. When he seems to read Ichigo like he’s a book. Easy to flip through and find the information he wants.

“That’s not all that troubles you, is it? I know you’re not afraid of dying, but you’re hesitating. You never do that. “

“It’s just like I said.” Ichigo draws one leg up to his chest. “If I die for real, I don’t know if I’ll ever see you, or any of the others again. I don’t have enough quartz to summon someone to help me, and if I let Urahara do what he wants, it might not matter. I can’t summon my friends if I don’t have any mana. “

“But if you don’t, another friend might die. Quite the dilemma. “

“You could stand to sound a little more torn up about it!”

“Huh? But I don’t even know the girl! Besides, you’re not exactly weeping yourself. “

Ichigos mouth shuts with a click and he looks away, his stomach turning. Merlin isn’t wrong. He’s not crying. He’s not even panicking.

“... Ichigo?”

“It’s. It’s pretty fucked up. But when she showed up I was relieved. For the whole tone between Chaldea and her I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the next disaster. Like I was gonna get a call saying there’s another singularity, or someone else was trying to end the world. Going to school? Eating dinner with my family? I just felt lost. I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t even remember what I wanted to do when I graduated anymore.”

“But then Rukia came. And I fought hollows but they’re not strong enough to give me a real challenge. And then she was taken and everything is just-“

“Clicking into place. It’s horrible, but it’s been so long, I don’t remember how not to fight anymore. I don’t know how to not be at war. And this… this choice between life and death. This mission to save her. It’s almost comforting. Isn’t that fucked up?”

A warm hand cups his cheek. Long sleeves, heavy with the smell of gardenias, brush across his shoulder.

“Ichigo,” Merlin begins, his voice strangely genuine. “Whatever happens, I know that you’ll figure it out. And that eventually, you’ll find your place. You always have one more crazy idea, one more play, one more chance. Once you get your friend back, you’ll figure out how to be human again. Or, something close to it. In the meantime, you can always find me here. I can’t exactly leave.”

Ichigo is so struck by Merlin, if all people, being candid and complimenting him that he wakes up catching flies. But, he at least has an idea on what to do now.

* * * * * *

#bleach #bleach fanfiction #bleach/fate grand order #Kon bleach #Merlin Fate/Grand Order #urahara kisuke #Ichigo Kurosaki #BAMF!Ichigo Kurosaki #Ichigo Kurosaki is Ritsuka Fujimaru #Urahra Kisuke #Achilles #Achilles Fate

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onceuponakdrama · 3 years

Text

True Beauty KDrama Review

—

Bingo Card For True Beauty

Synopsis: Im Joo Kyung is a high schooler who is upbeat and positive about most things, except for her appearance! She hates the idea of being seen in public without makeup, but fortunately has become a self-taught makeup expert, with a little help from a plethora of internet video tutorials. What she has learned online has transformed her life. At school, she is known as one of the prettiest girls in class, although she secretly lives in fear of her schoolmates discovering what she looks like behind the makeup. In fact, there is only one person from school who has ever seen her minus her “mask” – Lee Su Ho. He is a top-grade student with impressive basketball skills. He is also dashingly handsome, and many of his female classmates have a crush on him. However, Lee Su Ho harbors a few dark secrets from his past, and shuns attention in class. Slowly, these two individuals become drawn together and learn more about one another’s secrets.

Overall Main Plot: Rating - 8 out of 10

Personally speaking, I really like dramas that center on the conception of beauty (although it is problematic because she IS pretty and it’s seen without her makeup, but like whatever I guess). I think the main thing that drew me to this point was the fact that insecurity is a big thing in this drama and watching the main lead (Ju Kyung) progress over time and grow more confident with her bare face, along with making real friends who don’t judge her from her face alone. Since that’s the main plot that drives the story, there were a couple of points that threw me off.

High School Dramatics - maybe it’s because I’m older, but there were so many high school antics that were happening. I understand that, in Korea especially, there’s the issue of high school bullying but it was just so... dramatic. Especially with how Ju Kyung was being discovered as... ugly? I don’t even know if that’s how I would describe it. Although, I do understand that these characters are young, but the dramatics of it all in high school was more funny than annoying for me.

Trauma - one thing that I felt needed to be addressed more was the trauma, especially Suho’s because homeboy has been through a lot. What I appreciated was the representation of him having a panic attack, but that was the only time it was addressed that he’s developed a lot of psychological issues. Obviously, Ju Kyung also has psychological issues due to her insecurity and her mother (until the end-ish when her mom found out that Ju Kyung was getting bullied, but again, a WHOLE different story). I just felt like there was less closure about these things and I really hoped that Suho would get the help he needed after everything he’s been through.

Characters: Rating - 9 out of 10

↣ Lim Ju Kyung [played Moon Gayoung] - wowowowow. I absolutely loved her character and her character development. She was the stereotypical female lead, but she’s absolutely precious and watching her grow as a person was so satisfying. I felt for her so much because she’s gone through so much and that’s impacted the way she’s viewed life and I just wanted her to be happy. I ultimately give her a lot of credit for trying to move on from Suho though and knowing where she wants to take her life (especially after dealing with all the heartbreak). The only real problem I had with her was her center on romance even though she couldn’t even get her grades up, but also like... it’s a romance drama, what was I supposed to expect? But she did have her own interests (make-up, horror comics, etc.) and her own personality to things. Overall, I thought she’s a great female lead and she’s absolutely precious.

↣ Lee Suho [played by Cha Eunwoo] - okay, he’s also precious. It took a bit for me to warm up to him, but after seeing what he’s been through, I get why he would keep his distance from others. What I didn’t like was the fact that he broke up with her and then comes out of nowhere, which then he proceeds to take a longer time to apologize to her for even though he could have just... texted her, called her, something. He acted like nothing happened when he was the one who broke up with her (for a good reason, but it was still stupid to have a break up sequence that felt unnecessary). Anyways, I did like his development and how he came to mend things with Seojoon and it didn’t ruin their friendship. I also liked how he grew to have an interest towards creating music, especially after what happened with Seyeon. There was also his relationship with his father, but it was still unclear as to what happened after his mother died. But yeah, he’s also another precious bean and Suho and Ju Kyung are a great couple.

↣ Han Seojoon [played by Hwang Inyup] - second lead syndrome hit real hard here. His character is so great, probably because he’s the soft bad boy that everyone dreams of having. I didn’t like him at first because he pushed all his anger and frustration onto Suho and tried to use Ju Kyung as a way to hurt Suho. However, he grew to understand what actually happened and also, the way he cares for his family is super cute. His friend group is also super cute because they look like a bunch of gangsters when they’re just a bunch of idiots.Again, I noted this with Suho, but when the two made up and became friends again, even though they liked the same girl... Love, love, love. Obviously, he’s also super handsome and had so many chaotic, but iconic, scenes. His character is just so great. He was casted so well and your heart hurts when you look at him.

↣ Kang Soojin [played by Park Yoona] - okay, Soojin [episodes 1 to 9] is the best. She was so iconic and such a girl crush. After that? So far downhill that she doesn’t get recovered until the last episode. The writers did her so dirty and that’s a hill I will die on. Lowkey, Soojin and Ju Kyung should’ve gotten together but they didn’t because this is not a girl love drama and that was a major missed opportunity. Anyways, while I hated her as a second female lead, I understood her motives, in the sense of the household she was growing up in. This was important because of her character development when she apologized to Ju Kyung and realized her mistakes. It also wasn’t just out of the blue; it was a slow progression that built up to the climax and it was absolutely heartbreaking to watch because Ju Kyung and Soojin lost a best friend. But yeah, the writers did her dirty and I was crying on the inside when they made her a second female lead, when they could’ve just made Ju Kyung fall for her instead.

Personal Notes: A major strength of this drama is the character development, for all of them. Watching them grow from their problems was so satisfying and the only reason it got docked off a point is the fact that the writers did Kang Soojin so goddamned dirty and her redemption was saved for episode 16 and I will always be angry about it. They also made Seojoon to be a more sad character who didn’t get the girl, but notes about the drama compared to the webtoon will be made in a later section.

Romance: Rating - 9 out of 10

I actually really liked the main couple. It was clear there was chemistry and, while I didn’t really like Suho trying to blackmail her, it was also kind of sweet because he just wanted to spend more time with her and she was just.... so dense. While Seojoon provided hard SLS, I liked Suho with Ju Kyung better because he’s seen her at a low point and so has she and they both try to support each other. They were really cute together too, especially since they spent a lot of time at the comic shop because of their aligned interest of horror comics and then they would go to the movies too to watch, even though Suho is scared. I think my favorite scene is when he took her to see Selena and she visibly brightened up. The only reason it isn’t 10 out of 10 is the one scene where Suho was jealous about Seojoon and was super possessive, but he also apologized and admitted his mistake. There was that and also the break-up, which, again, wasn’t really necessary but for the sake of the drama, it had to be there.

Second Plot/B-Plot and Secondary Characters: Rating - 10 out of 10

Okay, first things first: Hee Kyung and Mr. Han are the cutest couple in this drama. I looked forward to seeing their romance progress more compared the main couple, primarily because they were not the standard couple we see in kdramas. The traditional gender roles were switched with Hee Kyung pursuing Mr. Han and I ate it all up because they are just super cute. Anyways, I think the secondary characters really did a great job of amping up the main plot and the romance, which is the whole point of these characters. I really didn’t like the mom, but it did transition to a better mother-daughter relationship (even though it happened near towards the end). The villainous characters got what was coming to them; the actors made me hate their characters really easily and it was amazing how upset I got at the bullies and when they got beat up, I was laughing on the floor. Again, the secondary characters really complemented the main characters and overall plot line.

Additional Notes:

Comparisons to the Webtoon - they really did manage to make this a kdrama. If you’re a fan of the webtoon, there are clear differences that make this a stereotypical kdrama, but (personally) I think it worked fairly well. This also meant major changes to a lot of what happened in the webtoon, so it felt so... interesting. The drama and the webtoon each have their strong points, so, while they stem from the same plot line, it was interesting to see the different routes it took.

Bromance - Jesus Christ, I LOVED the Suho x Seojoon bromance. It was so nice to see their friendship mended and how they didn’t let romance break their bond. A lot of people talk about the bromance in this drama and it’s actually worth it. There wasn’t just the bromance between those two, but also Seojoon’s friend group, there was also Taejoon and Suho, and there was also Ju Kyung’s younger brother and Suho. It was all so great.

The Conception of Beauty - okay, this is a major problem in a lot of Korean beauty standards, but like.... Ju Kyung isn’t ugly. I think a lot of people can agree that the whole, pimple face + glasses combo is kind of old. Compared to My ID is Gangnam Beauty (completely different dramas, but still centered on the theme of conceptualized beauty), they didn’t show the face of the “ugly” main character and I really appreciated that because it meant that the main lead perceived it as ugly rather than putting the face of “ugliness” on her. But, I really do like that the drama itself is centered on self-confidence of her bare-face, but... everyone was making it seem like she was really ugly, but like.... come on.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

Recommended?

↣ Yes: it’s a youth/school drama (most of the time), so if you’re into that, I would recommend it. Again, one of the strengths of the drama is character development and growth. Another reason to recommend this drama is that the main female lead is very lovable and you always root for her and for things to go well for her because of all the shit she’s been through. There’s also the whole concept of self-confidence, which she gains, and it’s an overall satisfying drama to watch.

↣ No: if you’re a webtoon fan, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it because it definitely strays from the original idea and that’s a bit off-putting to some people. This drama also has hard SLS, so if you don’t wanna have your heart broken, not recommended. They also talk about suicide and if the topic is triggering, you shouldn’t watch it. There’s also the annoying beauty standard that makes the main lead ugly and, if you’re the type to be annoyed at that, this isn’t a drama for you.

#true beauty #kdrama review #kdrama recs #spoilers #mine

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bitter-sweet-farmgirl · 3 years

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Heal the Broken

OC gave her all to Thorin when they were in a relationship together, but when he suddenly moves on from her, she tries to learn to cope with a broken heart.

MASTERLIST

OC(s) Used: Estelle

Word Count: 2,224

Warning(s): Insinuations

Translation(s): None

Inspired by 'Scars: Neon Feather Remix' by TobyMac, Feat. Sarah Reeves.

~~~

Had you on my mind, I

Had a little time, I

Know we kinda overdue

I walked through the gardens, feeling the last rays of the dying sun caress my skin as I stood in it's orange light. The earth cooled as night fell and the air became chilly, causing me to shiver and wish I had worn something more, substantial as the sun dipped below the horizon.

All I could think about was the tall, long dark-haired, stony, yet kind-hearted, deep voiced, handsome, and strong dwarf I was in love with. He was a constant presence on my mind, no matter the hour or activity I was involved in.

But we hadn't spoken in days. I had passed by him in the hallways of Erebor, but the royal home of Dwarves had truly lived up to its other name of 'The Lonely Mountain' as Thorin ignored me. We had been so in love only a few days ago. But we just stopped talking. Something happened. We argued for the first time in several months.

Turnin' back the pages

To our younger days,

yeah

It made me think of when we had first met, of when we'd first begun courting. We had been so young and naive then. We'd thought that all we needed was love, that love solved everything. We hadn't realized what problems love brought with it when it entered a person's heart and bound them to another person.

I can still imagine you

Boomin' like the thunder

Chasin' life with wonder

With fire that could light a room

I could still see him, walking into a room where I was. He had a presence that was unignorable. His voice rumbled and rolled like the thunder in the rain showers that fell and watered the earth

during the summer. It was so deep and sexy. When he was alone with me, his voice grew even lower, into the tone he reserved for those he loved.

We had chased after life together, exploring everything it offered and trying new things. I could still see the smirk he'd worn after I'd made my first shirt of mail. It had been a bit, well, uneven. I'd been so proud of it until I'd seen what he had made. It was a silver necklace, inlaid with a blue crystal. Utterly perfect.

Even though Thorin was sometimes portrayed as unfeeling, I knew otherwise. He had a fire within him, a passion that never ran dry. After he came back from extended leaves required by his Kingship, he would come to my apartments and kiss me senseless, longing invading his heart for me.

And his walk... My heart would pound as I saw him swagger into the room. His hips would swing about in the most alluring ways.

In those days when we both attended court events, he would walk into the room and just stare at me, and I could feel his gaze even when my back was to him. He brought fire to me, wherever we were, and there were days when I wanted nothing but him.

Bottom kinda fell out

Waited for the rebound

But you never made a move

And then everything changed. We argued, and grew apart. Where there had once been an unbreakable bond, there was only fragments that threatened to break at any given moment. I thought it was just a phase we would go through, that Thorin would miss me and come back.

But he never did. Months went by and he wouldn't even glance at me. It hurt, to see him laugh at something someone else said, to know that he didn't even think of me anymore. That he didn't desire me like he used to.

When life cuts so deep

Try and remember

So I tried to forget him, but it just cut deeper. I could never look for another Dwarrow because none were like him. And I only wanted him. Everyone else lacked something that Thorin had.

I tried to be strong and bear it, but there were days when it just became too much, having to watch him flirt with another Dwarrowdame, and see that smile that he'd reserved only for me being given to another woman.

Then I found an unexpected comfort in someone I'd never dreamed of being able to help.

You, you're not alone

We've all been there

Scars come with livin'

Thranduil saw my hurt when I visited his kingdom one day, and he drew me aside to ask what had happened. He knew the feelings I tried to hide, and could see hurt in my eyes. Hurt he'd once felt.

He had scars in the same places as me. The same parts of his heart had been broken and never mended. Life had treated us the same, even though we were of two different races.

You, you're not alone

We've all been there

He told me of the days when his wife had still lived, of how broken he'd been when she'd passed on. I could see tears in his eyes as he described her, of how she'd laugh over the silliest of things, of how her smile would brighten his darkest days.

Another unexpected person also offered his help. Legolas told of the day his wife had miscarried the child they'd so dearly wanted after so many centuries of failure.

So, lift your head, lift your head

Lift your head to where your help comes from

They helped me bear my burden, and see that someday good would come out of this suffering. That one day I would look back on this and see the good in it. Perhaps it was Mahal's way of preparing me for some higher calling, to be able to help others in the same situation.

You, you're are not alone

We've all been there

Scars come with livin'

I would bear the scars as long as I lived, and it still hurt to see Thorin taking another maid out for a walk in the gardens when I had known such love and devotion from him before. But what was life without heartbreak? I had known hurt before, when my mother had passed onto the halls of Aule.

Life ain't got no sequel

We all broken people

I would have only one chance here, and I wanted to make the best of it. I began to see the broken pieces in other people, and tried to help them mend them if I could. Everyone had some hurt that had never healed, and still burned within them, causing pain.

The only road to found is lost

Oversimplifying

Ain't no shame in trying

As I continued walking my path in life, I found that my heart was healing, that I was overcoming my loss. That after wandering through the dark for so many years, I finally knew my calling. I had tried, and I was stronger than before.

Passion never counts the cost

Now you won't take my phone calls

You won't text me back at all

When I'd first fallen for Thorin, I'd never thought about what would happen if we had grown apart. What would happen if I gave him all, and then he let me down. My passion for him had overridden my common sense, and I'd gotten hurt, badly.

I just wanna see you

I can't stand to see you gone

I still wanted to see him, to talk with him, and say I still loved him. It was impossible for me to forget my love for him. It still hurt that he never came to see me anymore. It was like there was a massive void in my life. I had never realized just how big a part he played.

Yesterday I missed you

Yesterday I played your song

Tears fell as I plucked the strings of the harp, deeper tones echoing through the air as I played a song I'd written for Thorin. There was deep tones, and then a happier, wild tune that compelled the listener to tap their foot and dance along. It was my way of describing him within my music. I rarely played the song, it brought up memories that made me miss him even more.

I'm oversimplifying

I just tried to do small tasks everyday, to pull myself from the hole I kept trying to push myself into so I could just fade away and escape from the hurt I felt constantly. Everyone told me to push through it, but I couldn't. I only functioned when I simplified.

But try and remember

You, you're not alone

We've all been there

Scars come with livin'

Thranduil was always trying to console me, even on the days I tried to push him away. He knew what I felt on a daily basis, knew which scars hurt on what day, after what event. He knew all too well how easily the scars formed.

You, you're not alone

We've all been there

So, lift your head, lift your head

Lift your head to where your help comes from

Now, more than ever I relied on Mahal for help. I didn't understand why he had given me this tribulation, but it was for a reason.

There come a day when I felt a tug to be light-hearted through my pain. I tried, I tried so hard, but it felt so unfamiliar, so wrong that I wanted to shy away. But there was still that gentle, loving tug on my heart, telling me to cheer up, that I tried again.

You, you're are not alone

We've all been there

Scars come with livin'

Scars come, scars come, oh, scars come

Oh, scars come with livin'

Scars come, scars come, oh, scars come

Oh, scars come with livin'It doesn't matter who you are

I'd learned through it all, that everyone had scars, no matter their age or position, they'd all felt hurt that haunted them, that followed them around and tried to push them down on a daily basis.

Thranduil had scars, both in physical and emotional form, and there he was, governing a kingdom and raising a son all at the same time. Although I knew that he still hurt greatly from the death of his wife; she had been his most prized, best loved, and her loss broke him.

This world gon' leave some battle scars

It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars (battle scars)

It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars (battle scars)

It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars (ooh)You, You're not alone

I was a wiser person today than I was yesterday, and the years before. I knew that everyone had scars from their own personal battles. No one could say they didn't have scars and not be lying. I would be lying if I said I had never been hurt by Thorin's leaving. But I was not alone.

I had Thranduil, and Mahal. Mahal cared so deeply for me, and his love was helping me through this battle in my life. With his help, I would make it through this.

We've all been there

Scars come with livin'

You, you're not alone, you're not alone

So lift your head up (scars come, scars come) (head up)

To where your help comes from

Lift your head up (scars come, scars come) (head up, head up)

Oh, scars come with livin'

Lift your head up (scars come, scars come) (lift your head, lift your head, lift your hea-hea-head)

To where your help comes from

Lift your head up (scars come,

scars come)(lift your head, lift your head, lift your head)

Every day I would wake up with dread at facing a new day, a new experience. The unknown. But Mahal had worked in my heart, and was helping me heal, a little bit at a time. He was helping me, giving me the strength and fatherly love I needed right now.

Oh, scars come with livin'

Lift your head up (scars come, scars come) (head up, head up)It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars (battle scars)

Lift your head up (scars come,

scars come) (lift your head, lift your head, lift your head)

It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars (battle scars)

It doesn't matter who you are (who you are)

This world gon' leave some battle scars

I had become secure with who I was, and it no longer hurt me to see Thorin with his current betrothed. Mahal was the only one I bowed to, the only one who truly knew my pain and had helped heal it. I could walk around with a smile on my face, feeling a true joy spark within me.

Watching the orange sphere begin to settle lower on the horizion, I smiled, feeling immense gratitude towards Mahal. He was my King, the only King I would call mine. He was my father. He had such divine power that I never dreamed of. Power that had helped heal a broken heart and make it whole again.

He was the true King.

#Thorin #songfic #the hobbit #thranduil #mirkwood #elves #healing the broken #heal the broken #broken heart #thorin x oc #angst #deep angst #fanfic #fanfiction

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jazy3 · 4 years

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MerHayes Interview Thoughts Part 2

In another interview with Deadline, which features the most leading and inaccurately asked question I think I’ve ever seen in my life, Krista Vernoff talks about how there is hope for Meredith and DeLuca and there is hope for Meredith and Hayes. She talks again about how compelling Giacomo Giannotti has been in his role as DeLuca with regards to the mental health storyline and says that through it DeLuca has risen so much and that simultaneously the character of Hayes has been really compelling and feels very much like Meredith’s equal.

I’m not sure I buy the part about DeLuca rising as a character, but her comments were mostly about complimenting the actor on a great performance so I get that. I love how she talked about Hayes and how in such a short time the actor, Richard Flood, has brought the character to life in such a compelling and interesting way. One of my favourite things about Hayes as a character is that he and Meredith are equals and that he stands on his own and isn’t intimated by others being better than him.

Then we have Krista’s most recent interview with TV Line, if you can even call it that as the whole thing is barely 300 words and is largely a rehashing of previously reported content. In it she reiterates again that she’s at the point with the story where she doesn’t know who she’s rooting for because she’s not sure if she thinks that DeLuca is rising to a level of life experience or dark and twistiness to make him a mature partner for Meredith or if all that Hayes has already been through in his life makes him Meredith’s equal.

This is very telling because while it’s clear that she’s still holding a torch for Meredith and DeLuca and clearly likes both characters, she acknowledges that everything they’ve tried to do to improve DeLuca’s character and bring him up to Meredith’s level hasn’t worked. Whereas Hayes, who’s only been on the show for a short time, has already proven himself to be someone who is on Meredith’s level personally and professionally with life experience and a background that is similar to her own in so many ways.

On top of that Meredith’s Twisted Sister and best friend Cristina set them up and all of Meredith’s close friends and family that have met Hayes like and respect him. Amelia and Jo are actively rooting for them. All this to say that these interviews, while confusing and poorly worded on all sides, give me hope. As we saw on screen this season Hayes has risen as someone who is very much Meredith’s equal and is the kind of mature stable partner and love interest that she deserves after all that she has been through.

What the season finale and these interviews indicate to me is that while Krista is still holding a torch for Meredith and DeLuca as the one who originally put them together, she can now admit that they don’t work. They had two seasons to make the relationship work and they couldn’t. They wrote a whole storyline with the goal of improving DeLuca’s character and making him a better love interest and it failed spectacularly.

The other thing that gives me hope is that in these interviews Krista talks about following where the chemistry of the actors leads and going where the actors’ performances lead instead of following a predetermined path. It appears that the showrunners and writers have learned their lesson from Season 15 in which they did the opposite. This gives me hope because not only does it make for better storytelling, but it also sets out a pretty clear path for where these storylines will end up if they follow them through to their logical conclusion.

At the end of the Season 16 finale we saw Meredith agree to a date with Hayes and saw them make plans to go out at some point in the future. Following that Meredith stumbled across DeLuca sitting on the floor crying and confused as to what was going on. He seemed to finally accept that something was wrong. Meredith helped him up and then half carried him out of the hallway while talking about getting his things and taking him home. It’s implied that she either took him home to get some much needed rest before going home herself or that she had him admitted for treatment.

In her Hollywood Reporter interview Krista talks about how in order for DeLuca to ever be on Meredith’s level he’d first have to get the right kind of treatment for his illness. So, based on those two things it looks like DeLuca is finally going to get the treatment he needs next season. This gives me hope because of the set up they’ve given us for Meredith and Hayes and the comments Krista has made about Hayes in interviews.

If they had given us any indication that Meredith would be putting her love life or any other part of her life on hold until DeLuca got better and was out of the woods either out of guilt or some other reason I could maybe see a scenario in which the showrunners and writers might put them back together. But that’s not what they gave us at all. Instead in the first half of the season we saw DeLuca break up with Meredith over his own insecurities because he couldn’t handle the fact that she was better than him and was jealous of her relationship with her dead husband.

And Meredith wasn’t even that upset about it. As she later told Bailey, DeLuca and her broke up following her trial and instead of experiencing drama and heartbreak she was just mildly annoyed and excited to be able to practice medicine again. Following the break up Meredith threw some major shade at DeLuca for being such an idiot and moved on with her life.

It seemed for a while that DeLuca was going to apologize for his actions and try to make amends, but he never followed through. Several episodes later the two briefly got back together when Meredith decided to sleep with him, but then they broke up again the following episode when she expressed legitimate concern over his volatile behaviour and that was it.

They haven’t had a romantic scene since, have barely spoken, and their only interactions have been about a difficult case at work or about his escalating behaviour and the fact that he needs treatment. The outcome of Meredith’s trial and the fact that DeLuca chose to act the way that he did resulted in Meredith moving on with her life. All of these things combined led Meredith to form a relationship with Hayes which as of the finale has officially gone from a friendship with romantic undertones to a full on romance.

One of the things I love about the way they chose to do that is that DeLuca has absolutely no idea that Meredith’s moved on because he’s been too caught up in his own crap to notice. They could have made it a love triangle and had DeLuca find out and be jealous, but instead they chose to separate those storylines to the point that DeLuca has absolutely no idea what’s going on in Meredith’s life outside of work.

This season was supposed to have four more episodes that we never got to see because the season was cut short due to the pandemic. From interviews and tweets that I’ve read it looks like they’re going to be dealing with this by taking the content from the last four episodes they never got to film and reworking it into the Season 17 Premiere and the following three episodes. This means there won’t be a time jump and things will pick up right where they left off.

This means that based on the information we have when the new season begins we’ll see DeLuca enter treatment and Meredith and Hayes will go out on a date and have that drink. If they’re going to be realistic about DeLuca’s treatment, and I think they should be, were looking at a several month process here. Because based on what we’ve already seen he’s going to need months of intensive therapy and medication in order for him to feel better and manage his condition.

This likely means that Meredith and Hayes are going to go out on a date within the first few episodes of Season 17 and start dating. Which means that Meredith and Hayes will have been in a relationship for several months by the time DeLuca is even starting to feel better. At that point I feel like the only thing left to do will be to resolve that storyline and wrap things up so that both Meredith and DeLuca can move on with their lives. Because that’s the only thing that makes sense based on what they’ve shown us on screen, the way the characters have behaved, and what Krista has said in interviews.

The comments she made to TV Line in particular make me happy because they seem to imply that she’s looking for a way to resolve DeLuca’s current storyline more than she is to continue it. It’s evident that she’s still carrying a torch for those characters, but she can now admit that they don’t work and that’s a good thing. Because honestly, what is that storyline even? They have Meredith and Hayes date and then several months later they have her break up with this great guy that she has a ton in common with, that Cristina set her up with, and that her friends and family like for what DeLuca? A guy that just got out of treatment and who has absolutely nothing to offer her at this point?

That doesn’t make any sense at all and in order for them to do that they’d have to destroy Meredith’s character and rewrite DeLuca’s character (again) and for what? There’s no endgame here. They’ve already established that DeLuca doesn’t want to be a Dad; doesn’t get along with Meredith’s friends or family; and that he’s so jealous of Derek, a dead man, that the very mention of him results in DeLuca making insulting and inappropriate comments or throwing a hissy fit.

In order for Meredith and DeLuca to work as a couple they would have to give DeLuca a complete personality transplant and even then, they still wouldn’t have chemistry or be at the same place in their lives so I’m not sure what the point would be. DeLuca would have to change his stance on parenting, mend fences with all of the important people in Meredith’s life, and get over his jealously of Derek. And that’s in addition to undergoing months of intensive treatment, finding the right medication, and oh yeah let’s not forget pick a speciality! Which he still hasn’t done despite the fact that he’s in his fifth year of residency and is set to do his fellowship next season.

I also don’t understand from a creative perspective why the showrunners or writers would want to do that. Why they would want to spend any more of their time trying to make DeLuca work as a character or make his relationship with Meredith work when it just doesn’t. A large part of that, according to interviews, is the actor’s performance which means unless they are going to over direct him to death, which has never been Grey’s style, nothing they try is ever going to work on screen.

At a certain point I think you need to cut your losses. If you’ve spent two seasons trying to give a character a bigger role because you like the actor and it’s not working, it’s time to move on. Especially when the entire storyline you wrote to improve and develop the character more did literally the exact opposite of what you intended due to their performance. Based on what we saw this past season here’s what I’d like to see happen in Season 17. I’d like to see DeLuca get proper treatment for his mental illness and find a medication that works preferably off camera.

He seems to have picked up a flair for diagnostics this past season so it would be nice to see him apply for a fellowship with Dr. Reilly in California and have the character be written off that way. Because if he gets his happy ending then Meredith and Carina don’t have to worry about him going forward and they can both move on with their lives. I’d like to see them do this within the first half of Season 17 so that all three characters can move on.

I’d like for Meredith and Hayes to have that drink and go out on their first date within the first few episodes and start to date in earnest in the first half of the season. In the second half of the season, preferably following DeLuca’s departure or the wrapping up of his storyline in some way, I’d like to see Meredith and Hayes’ relationship develop further with Hayes working to get to know her friends and family better, not just as co-workers and friends, but as the loved ones of someone he’s dating. I’d love to see Hayes meet Meredith’s kids and for them to bond and for Meredith to bond with his boys as well. It’d be great to see them introduce their kids to each other and see them become a blended family and all of the fluff that comes along with it. Part 1: https://jazy3.tumblr.com/post/620936637802840064/merhayes-interview-thoughts-part-1

#grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #Meredith Grey #cormac hayes #cormac x meredith #meredith x cormac #I love hayes #hayes x grey #grey x hayes #merhayes #mermac #merwidow #mcwidows #meredith x mcwidow #the mcwidows #krista vernoff #tv line #the hollywood reporter

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