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pippin-katz · 10 months

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Alex & Being Bisexual 🩷💜💙

I've seen a lot of people complaining about Alex not having as big of a crisis over being bisexual as he did in the books, but I feel like a lot of people are overlooking the development he does go through.

Henry is the first guy he has felt attracted to that he actually knew prior to getting physically involved.

Alex & Miguel

Nora's asks specifically about men Alex has "been with", not men he's liked or interested him. She means physically, and he knows that too. Alex doesn't even bother with giving any context or details for his high school hook up. His description of his hook up with Miguel is straightforward, direct, and factual, because he doesn't have an emotional attachment to that moment or Miguel.

This, and his interactions with Miguel, gives the impression that they don't really know each other that well. It seems like they met during the campaign, made out in a hot tub, and now occasionally they talk at school.

They don't seem like friends, rather acquaintances after a one night stand, which is pretty much what they did. Their first conversation is mostly Miguel trying to get quotes for his journal and flirting with him rather than any kind of real discussion.

Gifs courtesy of @phakphumm from this post

Alex isn't stupid; he knows Miguel is flirting with him, however he chooses not to acknowledge it. He doesn't discourage him, but he does not encourage him either.

He avoids saying anything about it at all. His expressions after the eyelashes comment show him at a bit of a loss for how to respond. Alex seems flattered by the compliment, but doesn't seem to have any real desire to hook up again.

Everything Miguel says, he says in an attempt to get something out of him, whether it be flirting to hook up and/or get quotes for his journal.

Same thing at the state dinner; Alex isn't fully paying attention cause he's busy staring at Henry, but Miguel opens with compliments, specifically about his memo, which is definitely an attempt to flatter him. Then he starts asking direct questions about the campaign, Alex doesn't answer, and he walks away. They're not really friends.

New Territory

It's one thing to admit being somewhat attracted to the same sex, under limited, physical circumstances. Lots of people often joke about "being straight/gay but I would sleep with this person".

It's another thing to develop an attraction to a person you know of the same sex when you've never had those feelings before. It's not just physical anymore, because you know and like this person outside of that context, and the physical intimacy gains a new meaning.

Alex VS Feelings

This is a new feeling for Alex. This man practically makes out with two women he barely knows without any qualms, but when he's waiting to see Henry? His close friend who he knows and plans to kiss?

He is nervous; not just a little nervous either:

Alex is a pretty confident guy, able to host massive parties and dance without any reservations about it, unlike Henry who awkwardly bounces. He's a fantastic public speaker. Excluding the wedding, which were extreme circumstances, he's able to navigate a room comfortably. We know from the closet conversation that he used to get scared, but it's clear based on his campaign efforts, the DNC speech, and so on that he's grown into his role and can play it well.

Here, Alex can't sit still. He doesn't know how to stand. He's shifting around, almost pacing. He visibly tries to muster up the confidence we know he has, but can't. He's trying to pose, or look confident, and almost gets there, but the second the door opens, he panics and just stands there.

"But that's just cause he really likes Henry!"

Yes, exactly; Henry is his first step towards fully realizing his identity.

Once the tension is broken, Alex is confident again and doesn't hesitate anymore. He may not be completely sure of his identity, but he is completely sure that he wants Henry. Those thoughts take priority when he kisses him. He knows physical intimacy. He knows how to kiss with someone regardless of who they are. He has been with a couple men, and is a man himself, so he knows what feels good. His confidence stays intact during their exchange when they get to his bedroom.

There are very small moments where you can see his nerves poke through.

When Henry pushes Alex over the couch, not only is it surprising to him, it also disconnects them for a few seconds. He has a chance to look at Henry while they're not touching or kissing, no direct distraction.

When Henry starts undoing his pants, he looks up, inhales quickly, blinks a couple times, and swallows; it's almost like he's thinking "okay this is actually happening now". Again, no direct distraction, as Henry isn't doing anything yet, and Alex isn't touching or kissing him.

Both moments go by fast though because he's focused on what he knows, the physical part. He knows he wants Henry physically, so he can focus on that, and deal with the other feelings later.

Alex is aware that he has feelings toward Henry that are new to him. He doesn't know what they mean, and it's nothing even close to what he feels later in Paris and at the lake house, but they're starting to form. He's the one who suggests that he and Henry see each other again, and you would have to be blind not to see the brief disappointment on his face when Henry says it has to be very casual. It's also important to note that this is right after Alex comes out.

The Bisexual Label

While his feelings make Alex nervous, Henry is still his friend and he feels comfortable around him. He's the first person he comes out to; he was unable to say anything definitive about his identity during his conversation with Nora, despite her best efforts to help him.

Henry is the first person he tells and he distinctly shows uncertainty when he first uses the bisexual label:

He's serious about it; not overly serious, but he's coming out very formally. He's nervous, even though he's telling Henry, who he literally hooked up with five minutes ago. Henry already knows he's attracted to men. Alex is not nervous about that; it is clearly the label that he's uncertain about.

Confidence

A lot of people get taken by surprise when they start questioning their identity because they had simply never thought about it before.

The uncertainty Alex has about his identity was initiated by his feelings for Henry. Alex clearly never considered the idea of being in an actual relationship with a man. Without Henry, he may have never figured out that he was fully bisexual. He may have continued fooling around occasionally with guys, never giving serious thought to the other possibilities, unless/until he met someone like Henry who basically smacks him in the face with a mirror.

Being with Henry makes him truly think about himself, and come to the conclusion that he's bisexual. Seeing/dating Henry also makes him more comfortable and confident in his identity over time.

While Alex hadn't acknowledged Miguel's advances before, after he sleeps with Henry, he actively calls him out on it and refuses without hesitation as soon as Miguel puts the suggestion out there. Miguel even says "Well, I don't anymore", confirming that had been his intention in earlier scenes.

He had been trying to hook up with him again, and because Alex never addressed it, Miguel thought that it was possible. Alex may not have addressed his comments, but Miguel could see for himself that they had a positive reaction; he felt flattered and bashful. That response coupled with the fact that Alex did not outright tell him to stop was enough reason for Miguel to think it could happen again.

Also, Alex told Nora that he got the feeling Miguel wanted to hook up again, but that he was a journalist, which does not say he wouldn't be down. He never says he wouldn't want to; instead he expresses his apprehension to the idea due to his job. So for all intents and purposes, before Henry came along, Miguel was correct to think it was a possibility.

This seems to be the first time Alex has ever actually addressed their tension, and it occurs after he starts seeing Henry and using the bisexual label.

Owning The Bi Label

Then Zahra finds him and Henry the next morning. She is kind enough not to tell Ellen immediately, because even if she won't admit it, she does care about Alex a lot and recognizes the importance of something like this. However, she makes it very clear that he needs to tell her ASAP or she will.

When he comes out to his mom, he is significantly more sure of himself when he uses the bisexual label. He laughs and uses the shorten term "bi" which is a small detail but indicates his confidence, compared to how he cautiously said "bisexual" when coming out to Henry. He's not at all nervous to use the term, and says it grinning.

This is also indicative of his confidence in his label because Alex doesn't lead with his sexuality. He leads with meeting someone, and clarifying that it's a man, and that it's Henry. So once they're on the couch talking, Ellen is also already aware that he is attracted to men, but this time, he's prompted about his label and he shows zero nerves about using the term "bi".

Queer Identity

By the end of the movie, Alex is able to publicly refer to himself as having a queer identity. Obviously, he was outed against his will, but he is still able to stand up and acknowledge who he is without nerves about it. He has been with Henry for a year, and he knows who he is, and he’s not ashamed of it. As he says, the leaks were an issue of privacy, not shame. Alex is not afraid to say who he is, and he is queer, he is bisexual. He’s a different person than he was before Henry. He’s learned about himself because of him.

Does he have a complete, computer-error-noise breakdown over it? No, he doesn’t, but he does not immediately start waving a bi flag around either.

Okay, that’s all! This took so freaking long to put together, but I hope it helps people understand how his bisexuality is addressed in the movie. Just because he has a different journey than he did in the book does not mean he did not have a journey at all, and I hope this allows people to see it more clearly! Thank you for reading!

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie #rwrb thoughts #bisexuality #alex claremont diaz #taylor zakhar perez #miguel ramos #henry hanover stuart fox #ellen claremont #firstprince

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wheelie-sick · 5 months

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I am so tired of being referred to with they/them pronouns. being a Deaf gender nonconforming wheelchair user my existence in public is constantly scrutinized and picked apart. I am an object of curiosity and concern. I am a target for harassment, both deliberate and not.

being Deaf people see me and feel afraid. they see my hands moving and their mind is filled with terror. terror that I might try to speak to them and they wouldn't know what to do or say. terror that I might be speaking about them. terror that I'm not safe to be in public without a hearing person to watch over me. they see me as my signing first and a person second. I am an action before I am a human being.

being a wheelchair user people see me and feel afraid. afraid for my safety without an ablebodied person to guide me. afraid that they might mess up and say something offensive. and yet they feel morbid curiosity. they ask me if my butt hurts from sitting so long and they ask me how I use the bathroom if I can't walk. they ask me prying questions about my medical history and act offended when I'd rather not divulge. they see me as a wheelchair first and a person second. I am an object before I am a human being.

being gender nonconforming people see me and feel confused. they don't know what to label me as and don't know how to refer to me. they can't figure out whether I'm a man or woman and I don't want them to. they ponder my gender and my gender expression and my guesses at it and my sexuality. they wonder if I'm gay or just an odd looking woman. some of them have made it a game to guess "what" I am. I am a source of confusion before I am a human being.

being an action, an object, and a source of confusion people don't see me. they can't peel past the layers on the outside to reach my humanity so I remain something to twist around in their head. I am too much for anyone unlike me to handle. no one is exempt, not gender nonconforming hearing people, not Deaf pedestrians, not gender conforming wheelchair users.

because I have so many different very visible statuses applied to me no one knows how to label me and so they strip me of all of them choosing to focus on none since they can't comprehend all. they find comfort in they. they doesn't acknowledge my existence outside of my signing, they doesn't acknowledge my existence outside of my wheelchair, and they doesn't acknowledge my gender. I am constantly degendered, having my very deliberate expression erased in favor of labeling me as nothing. they doesn't require fitting someone like me into my worldview because it is neutral, it is nothing.

I am stripped of my gendered experiences as someone who was a woman and who is a trans intersex nonbinary man. I have my experiences defined out of existence because they do not align with hearing people's experiences or pedestrian's experiences. because my experiences of gender are so heavily influenced by my identity as a Deaf wheelchair user I have my experiences ignored and spoken over. I am stripped of my gender identity in the way people describe me. if I'm described as a man at all I am described as a wheelchair user and a Deaf person before people ever describe my gender.

it's misuse of a perfectly acceptable pronoun to enforce hearing, pedestrian, gender conforming society's norms. people do not use they/them for me because they think that I use they/them pronouns, they use they/them for me because they do not want to acknowledge who I am. many of the people who insist on using they/them for me are well aware that I use exclusively he/him pronouns but they don't care because in their head they see me as signing or a wheelchair and are confused about why a man would look like me. they think I am wrong about my own identity and think that because they are hearing, or a pedestrian, or gender conforming, that they get to assign the "correct" pronouns for someone like me.

I am so tired of being referred to with they/them pronouns

-> this post is about physical disability and Deafness. do not derail.

#cripple punk #cripplepunk #physical disability #physically disabled #wheelchair user #actually deaf #actuallydeaf #gender nonconforming #transgender #trans man #transmasc #nonbinary

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celluloidbroomcloset · 2 months

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I think there’s a lot to be said about shame as a driving factor in the representation of toxic masculinity in OFMD, but one thing that struck me hard in this rewatch is how Izzy desperately tries to conceal what is happening with Ed when he returns to the Revenge. He makes up a (bad) lie about Ed being sick but getting better but also can’t be seen. He tells Lucius not to mention anything that he sees on pain of death. When Lucius goes into Ed’s cabin, he’s visibly frightened of what he’ll find—and what he finds is a man hiding in a pillow fort, eating marmalade.

It’s ridiculous to even think this is shameful or frightening. We have an entire scene of Ed writing bad lyrics and trying to control his tears. He’s sad and he’s heartbroken, he has tear tracks on his face, and he keeps trying and failing to stop himself from crying again. But he’s no danger to anyone, not even himself. He’s just deeply sad, for good reason.

We never see why Ed decides to come on deck, but it’s implied that Lucius at least encourages him in it. And that’s the point where Izzy starts really losing it. Because Ed is in public, he’s singing, he’s praising the crew, he’s asking for them to join him, he’s saying he wants to be called Edward. All the mythos of Blackbeard—all the SHAME of Blackbeard—is gone. He’s just a man, and in this case, a man who fell in love and got hurt. He’s not ashamed to be the man he is, in front of everyone.

That shame comes back so powerfully of course, but part of Ed healing is the slow return to a space where he really isn’t ashamed. He’s not ashamed of wearing a cat collar and potato sack, of no longer being the badass pirate captain. He’s not ashamed of kissing Stede in public. He’s not ashamed of vulnerability or the feelings he has being known. He defeats that for the second time, not in quite the same way (because he can never really go back), but defeats it all the same.

(Of course, this is really important in a queer context and why the “namby pamby” comment shouldn’t be taken lightly. Ed is not just gay, he is being openly gay. Izzy really is every parent who ever said “I don’t care if you’re gay, but i draw the line at you being a f**.”)

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #edward teach #izzy hands #ofmd meta #gif

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avaetin · 5 months

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(Untitled) AU of an AU

P.S. The thread was getting long, it was difficult to reblog on my phone, so here you go @haiseiscute333.

Also, this is 2k words, which I finished in one sitting, so apparently I'm not burnt out. Just idea and inspiration wise, in regards to my existing works OTL

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Break-ups sucked.

At twenty-four, Nico genuinely thought that he was past this stage and on the road of settling down with the love of his life. Well, that was the plan, but the universe obviously had something different in mind. Because after two blissful years of being in a relationship, he and Percy Jackson broke up.

For the record, it was him who broke up with America’s all-time male sweetheart, and not the other way around. Not that that information would ever become public. Just like our relationship, Nico thought bitterly as he stabbed his strawberry parfait with a metal spoon. It was one of the many reasons why they broke up in the first place - he became tired of being Percy’s “mystery partner”. Two years was ample time for Percy to come out to the public regarding his sexuality; Nico highly doubted that the public would persecute their sweetheart for coming out as bisexual. He’s not even coming out as gay, Nico scoffed, stabbing his parfait once more. But no, Percy insisted he needed more time.

To be fair, Nico was fine with that. He was willing to wait for Percy because he genuinely believed that he was the love of his life. They even shared - what Nico considered at the time - a most wonderful and magical summer together as children, for Pete’s sake! Kid Percy even knelt at his feet, professing his love for him, and claimed he would marry him in the future with one of those tacky candy ring pops. Nico wished he could shove it up his ass, along with his many broken promises in the span of two years. But, coming back to the original subject, even Nico had his limits. Percy forgetting his birthday again in their two years of relationship, and going to America’s sweetheart, Annabeth Chase’s, celebratory party was it.

In retrospect, Nico should have ditched his ass a year ago when Percy neither confirmed nor denied to the media of being in a relationship with Annabeth. Or maybe, when he forgot Nico’s birthday because he was busy shooting a film. Or maybe, when he forgot their anniversary because he was booked for photoshoots and interviews. But, for once, Nico had been stupid, just because this was his childhood sweetheart. He really should’ve known better.

Now, here he was, dressed in disguise in ‘Elysium’ - his (secretly) favorite hole-in-the-wall dessert bar - stabbing the poor strawberry parfait in his hand as he wallowed in self-pity. Did he cry over Percy? Of course, he did! But not for the reasons anyone might assume. That fucker made him waste two of his precious years on him, of course he would cry over the time he lost! This, stabbing a parfait, was just part of his self-healing. Tomorrow, he will be a better person. He’d be the industry’s charming darling, as he had been for years. But for now, he just wanted to be human without the paparazzi’s eyes on him.

“If you stab that any harder, the glass will break.” A soft voice interrupted his thoughts, making him pause mid-stab. Scoffing, and with a retort on the tip of his tongue, Nico raised his head to glare at whoever was addressing him, only for him to visibly pause, suddenly at a loss for words as he gazed directly into the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. And that was saying a lot, since there were a lot of genuinely good-looking guys surrounding Nico on a daily basis.

The man before him was either a businessman or a lawyer, or somewhere along those lines. He was dressed for the part, and he exuded an imposing amount of confidence to be the part. He possessed a lean physique, his body adorned by a pristine gray suit that surprisingly complimented his wavy yet artistically messy platinum white hair. But in Nico’s opinion, what was most striking about him was the color of his eyes - those gorgeous emerald green eyes that seemed to glisten under the dim lights, especially so when the man offered him the most pleasant smile he had ever seen on anyone.

There was, however, only one flaw: the man before him looked almost like the carbon copy of Percy Jackson.

“Do you mind if I join you?” The man politely asked, gesturing towards the empty seat opposite of Nico. “I won’t stay long.”

If Nico’s mind wasn’t malfunctioning, perhaps he would have questioned why this gorgeous man decided to sit with him when there were a lot of empty tables and chairs in the nearly empty establishment. But, at that moment, all he could do was nod his head robotically, his traitorous heart doing somersaults in his chest as the smile on the man’s lips widened and brightened in response. Almost immediately, as soon as the man sat down, a steaming cup of coffee and a glass of strawberry parfait was placed in front of him by one of the servers who, just as quickly, made themselves scarce.

“Here.” The man pushed the strawberry parfait towards Nico’s direction, much to the latter’s confusion. “That-” The man gestured with a tilt of his head towards the then unappetising-looking parfait in between them which Nico had been brutalizing seconds ago. “-can’t possibly be appetizing. Please, take a fresh one. My treat.”

Russet-brown eyes narrowed in response, logic and reason slowly starting to return to Nico. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good with the one I ordered.”

For some reason, the man looked disappointed at his refusal but nodded in understanding. “I see. I won’t force you. But, rest assured, it had nothing in it.” As if to make a point, the man scooped a little bit of everything on his spoon, his eyes never leaving Nico’s as he slipped it into his mouth, his lips wrapping around the utensil.

This man should be illegal, was Nico’s questionable thought, as he watched the movement of the man’s throat, his own swallowing in tandem unbeknownst to him. Emerald green eyes sparked with amusement and delight at his response which Nico failed to notice in his moment of (apparent) weakness.

“So, what brings you to this hole-in-the-wall establishment?” The man casually inquired, pushing aside the dessert in favor of drinking his coffee. He carefully took a sip, his eyes slipping close for a brief moment as he savored its exquisite flavor.

“I could ask the same thing,” Nico countered, still cautious. “What’s a… businessman or a lawyer doing in a place like this?”

“Both, actually,” the man answered, lowering his cup. “To answer your question, I actually own this dessert bar. One of my many ventures.”

“A failed one?” Nico blurted out without thinking, slapping a hand over his mouth a second later due to his slip.

Surprisingly, the man laughed. “Is that what you believe? Success is… subjective. As long as the Nico di Angelo continues to patronize my humble establishment, I don’t see it as a failure.”

At the mention of his name, Nico stiffened in his seat, his eyes widening in alarm. The spoon slipped from his hand, landing on the table with a soft thump.

“What…? How did you…? How long…?” Nico couldn’t finish his statements. He should’ve bluffed, denied the man’s statement, something, but he was certain that it was futile to lie in front of his person. But how did this person figure out his identity? His disguise had always been impeccable. Even the paparazzi had yet to capture any images of him in disguise, only what Nico intended for them to gather.

“I’ve known since the moment you stepped inside all those years ago,” the man admitted, taking another slow sip from his cup. “But, as with any establishments that I own, it is my policy to give any of our patrons utmost privacy. As for how I know…”

Those gorgeous eyes stared intently at Nico once more, as if he was searching for something. It was only for a second, but Nico saw sadness in them when the man, presumably, didn’t find what he was looking for.

“I would recognize those beautiful brown eyes anywhere,” the man finished, his lips curling to a small smile while Nico’s cheeks reddened at the compliment. “You’re rather famous in this establishment, if you must know. But not for the reasons you’re thinking of. You’re… notorious for visiting whenever you’re in a horrible mood, taking out your anger on the food,” the man stated, gesturing towards Nico’s recent victim. “The staff actually sent me over, just to make sure you wouldn’t hurt yourself, in case you break the glass.”

“I-I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” Nico said, embarrassed. It won’t happen again, because he mentally decided to never come here again, for the sake of preserving his dignity, or whatever remains of it.

“It’s fine, Mr. di Angelo,” the man said in reassurance. “I’m glad that you can find comfort here. Besides, this place is still running despite being a ‘failed venture’ because of you. If you stopped visiting…”

The man trailed off, but Nico could connect the dots. Great. Suddenly, he had a bunch of stranger’s employment in his conscience.

“Since you know me, I think it’s fair that I should know you as well,” Nico said, picking up his spoon from the table. Since the dessert was mostly liquid at this point, he simply stirred the ingredients inside the glass, combining them together.

“You do. You should…” the man murmured absent-mindedly, but with the clanking of the spoon against the glass, it was lost on Nico. Fixing a smile on his face, the man introduced himself. “I’m Aeon Oceanus. Just Aeon is fine.”

“Oh,” Nico blinked. “Not… Not Jackson…?”

To Nico, it seemed that he had said the wrong thing as those gorgeous eyes suddenly hardened marginally, a slight coldness to them.

“You’re wondering if I’m related to Percy Jackson.” It was a statement, not a question. Guiltily, Nico lowered his eyes to the table as Aeon sighed softly. “It’s fine. I get that question a lot. Perseus, that brat, he’s my younger twin brother. He took our mother’s maiden name since he ‘doesn’t want the family name to buy his position in the industry’,” Aeon explained. “Forgive me but I don’t really like talking about that child. It’s not as if we’re on the best terms either.”

Nico could tell. He had never heard Percy talk about an older sibling, let alone a twin. Then again, they… never had a lot of opportunities to talk. They couldn’t meet too much since that would spark rumors of them dating, which as true as they were, Percy didn’t want to be involved in. And when they did meet, it was only because their work schedules coincide or they were working on the same project.

Was I even in a relationship? Nico wondered, downing half of the parfait-turned-smoothie in one go. Thinking about it, they were more committed to their relationship towards their work than each other. Perhaps, that was why Percy couldn’t come out, Nico had to consider. Perhaps, in Percy’s head, Nico wasn’t offering him enough support as a partner for him to feel safe to come out.

Aeon quietly observed the many emotions that flitted across the younger male’s expression. He might not be on good terms with Percy, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the… events in his brother’s life.

“I should get going,” Aeon announced all of a sudden, rising from his seat. He fixed a polite smile on his face as he turned to address the young celebrity, handing him his business card. “It was a pleasure to have your company, regardless of how brief it was. If you need anything, please feel free to contact me.”

“Legal reasons? Or business reasons?” Nico asked.

“Anything,” Aeon said. Nico wasn’t fully aware of the weight of his words, but he soon will. “I have matters I need to attend to, but please feel free to stay for as long as you like. It’s on the house.”

“It’s fine, no worries,” Nico refused immediately, shaking his head. “I can pay for myself.”

There was a playful twinkle of Aeon’s eyes as he leaned down, the suddenness of the gesture surprising Nico who could only stare at the older male in stunned silence as the gap between their faces gradually became less and less. Nico barely registered the man’s thumb brushing lightly against the edge of his lips as his sense of smell was suddenly assaulted by the man’s pleasant cologne.

“This is enough payment,” Aeon said, showing his thumb towards Nico, who took a few seconds to compose himself and process what was on the other’s thumb. Belated, he realized with embarrassment that it was a small amount of cream. Before Nico could offer a tissue or a towel to wipe it down, Aeon brought it close to his lips, a pink tongue swiping gently across the pad of his finger. His eyes never left the younger male all this time, his gaze burning… something… pleasant in Nico.

“I’ll see you soon, Mr. di Angelo,” Aeon said, his words sounding like a promise as he bid his goodbye, leaving the flustered celebrity behind, clutching tightly yet preciously onto the business card left in his hands.

#aeon (pjo)#nico di angelo #nion #pjo #percy jackson #i don't know what to tag this yet

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softhairedhotch · 4 months

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If this is not something you’re comfortable with writing please ignore it.

The reader (trans man) coming out to Hotch, after a case that has caused their dysphoria to become worse. Whether it’s a victim who was trans or a bigoted unsub and it makes them visibly angry and upset to deal with.

Ideally it would have a happy ending but the rest can be as angsty or not as you would like.

thank you for the request, i really hope i did it justice <3 it didn't come out as angsty as i thought, it's pretty sweet tbf. it's not really what i wanted to do which this idea but i couldn't think of anything else and didn't wanna keep you waiting :')

aaron hotchner x trans male reader

after a case involving murdered trans kids and a transphobic cop, you come out as trans to aaron.

warnings/content: mentions of transphobia/hate crimes, feeling unloved and unworthy, deep conversations, coming out, love confessions and kissing

word count: 1.6k

also on ao3!

what about today?

“Agent.”

You paused, Aaron's soft voice surprising you. Taking a deep breath, you turned around and forced a smile. “Yes, Sir?”

Aaron's eyes swept over your features as he slightly tilted his head. He opened his mouth, struggled to make a sound, and closed it. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

He sighed. “Sit down. Please.” You nodded and stepped toward the chair in front of his desk but he shook his head. “On the couch.”

Realisation slowly dawned on you–this conversation wasn't going to be easy. Either you had to lie and tell him the case didn't affect you mentally, that it didn't remind you how ignorant and full of hatred people can be towards others like you, and pray he didn't see through the cracks in your armour, or you told him the truth. And the truth, no matter how hard, felt like the right choice in the end.

But whatever happened, you knew it couldn't happen in his office. You trusted him with your life but you couldn't be sure how he'd react. Taking a deep breath, you quietly asked, "Can we go somewhere else?”

Aaron tilted his head. "Like where?"

"I don't know," you shrugged, wringing your hands together. "A bar?"

If Aaron was confused, he didn't say anything. Instead, he moved from behind his desk and reached out to gently grab your elbow, leading you out of the office.

As you parked the car, Aaron eyed the area with interest. His eyes, shining in the low light of a street lamp nearby, flickered over the entry of the bar. He observed the gaggle of women huddled away in the smoking area, all sharing a cigarette, then the two drag queens giggling away at an inside joke, and finally the security guard who stood at the door with a pin that proudly exclaimed ‘love is love’. “A gay bar,” he mused. “It looks nice. Do you come here often?”

“When I need to clear my head and feel a little less alone, yes.”

He smiled. “You ready to go inside?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. A few people called out to you as you made your way to your usual seat, waving with grins that you matched, although it didn't quite reach your eyes. The bartender waggled his eyebrows at you when he spotted Aaron and you bit back a laugh. Aaron slid into the booth opposite yours and gave you a polite smile, patiently waiting for you to speak.

“So you're probably wondering why I brought you here.”

Aaron shrugged. “Because you have something you want to say and you feel as if being in a public space surrounded by people you trust will make it easier?”

You opened your mouth to answer but no sound came out. “I… What happened to not profiling each other?”

“Not a profile,” he smiled, glancing away for only a moment. “Just an observation.”

“Well, you're right. Uh, I wanted to explain why this case affected me more than most.”

Aaron sighed and leaned forward, reaching out for you as if to take your hands in his. At the last second, however, he changed his mind and pulled away, standing up instead. You stared at him with your eyebrows knitted together as he moved to your side, sliding in beside you. When he was settled, his knee bouncing against yours, only then did he speak. “You never have to explain yourself. Not to me. I just wanna make sure you're okay.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest and if your heart wasn't already beating a mile a minute, it was now. Tenfold, actually, and your hands shook in your lap as you gave Aaron a tentative smile. “I appreciate that, Hotch. But this… I need to.” His eyes found yours and you lost yourself for a moment. Smiling, he glanced away, giving you time to collect your thoughts with no pressure, and for that you were grateful. Taking a deep breath, you began. “I thought I'd be okay with the case because, well, I've seen stuff like this everywhere. I see it online or on the news more often than not; it's something we can never get away from. Violence against people who are, are different, that don't conform. We've seen it before, too, on cases. People in this community have been murdered for as long as time.”

You paused, taking another shaky breath, and for a moment it felt like time slowed to a stop and you couldn't breathe. Aaron turned to give you a smile, small but genuine, and reached out for your trembling hand. “It's okay,” he whispered, interlocking your fingers. “I'm here.”

“Thank you,” you whispered back, squeezing his hand in return. Instead of pulling away immediately like you thought he would, he shuffled even closer so that your thighs and shoulders were pressed completely together. It gave you the courage you needed. “So when we were on that case with those… those little boys who only wanted peace and happiness, who wanted to be loved, who just wanted–needed–help and never got it from the people that should have been there for them… and when that cop said that they deserved it because they were different, because they were trans…” Aaron tensed beside you. “Something inside me broke. I felt like a kid again being told that I'd never be loved because of who I am.”

“Because of your sexuality?”

“No,” you said, shaking your head. The hand in your lap felt like a weighted blanket, something that brought comfort, and it allowed you to breathe out your next words. “Because of my identity. Because I'm trans, too.”

Aaron didn't flinch. He didn't pull away, he didn't breathe, and he didn't make a sound. You immediately thought the worst–that he was disgusted in you but couldn't bring it in himself to react. Hesitantly, you slowly began pulling your hand from his, unwinding your fingers. But before you could pull your hand completely away, he tightened his grip and pulled your combined hands into his own lap. The rough pad of his thumb slid across your knuckles, his touch featherlight but filled with a tenderness that had your heart leaping into your throat.

His other hand gently cupped your cheek, large and warm and firm, and angled your head up so that your eyes connected with his. Instead of disgust, all you found was acceptance. “Listen to me,” he said, voice hushed as if you were in a library. Despite the excited bustle surrounding you, music so loud it was almost disorientating, all you could focus on was him. His tongue flitted out and swept across his bottom lip nervously before he continued. “This doesn't change how I see you. You're still you, okay? And you always will be.” He gave you a sad smile. “And you have every right to be upset. Every right. What that cop said… I wish you hadn't heard it, I really do, but more importantly I wish he hadn't said it, or even thought it. I wish many others didn't share the same views, too, because you… you don't deserve that.”

“No one does,” you replied.

“No one does,” he repeated. “But you… Oh, you. I'm sorry that someone thought it was their right to tell you that you could never be loved because it's not true. Not in the slightest.” His thumb gently swiped over your cheekbone. “You are so, so loved.”

You gave him a weak smile. “I know. But not in the way I want to be. I don't think I'll ever get that.”

It was as if you could see the reflection of Aaron's heart breaking in his eyes. He gave you a sad look, not one of pity but of understanding, and nodded. “You will.”

“Maybe one day.”

“What about today?”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What?”

He hesitated, his gaze dropping low to your lips before finding your eyes again, and his head moved hardly an inch closer. If you weren't so close already, you wouldn't have noticed. But now you were keenly aware of his breath mixing with yours, the way your combined hands slotted together perfectly, how the comforting and familiar smell of him washed over you, and how his eyes shone with acceptance and love.

“I…” Aaron started, trailing off in uncertainty. It's the only time you've ever seen him truly nervous. He licked his lips again and it took all your strength not to surge forward and press yours against his. “I love you.”

All that strength disappeared the moment those words left his trembling mouth and, before you knew it, you were kissing him. Mind completely silent, body losing all sensation except for where his body met yours, you felt like you were floating. His grip loosened on both your hand and face for hardly a moment before he held you twice as hard and kissed you back. It wasn't romantic by any means, the kiss feeling like a game of catch-up you had no idea how long had been in motion, lips and teeth and tongues clashing frantically, but it had your blood rushing in your ears and the world disappearing around you.

When you pulled back for air, Aaron remained still. His lips were still slightly pursed, as if trapped in a memory he never wanted to escape, and his eyes were closed, a slight red tinge to his cheeks. He looked peaceful. He looked beautiful.

As you admired him, the words slipped from your mouth with ease. “I love you too.”

#aaron hotchner x trans male reader #aaron hotchner x male reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #cas writes #aaron hotchner fanfic #x reader #x transmasc reader #x trans male reader #reader insert

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darnell-la · 1 month

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Boyfriend - Steve Harrington & Billy Hargrove

pairing: dom!billy hargrove x sub!steve harrington

warnings: hair pulling, rough sex, public sex, gay sex, anal, dominance, aggression, cheating, etc.

note: I wrote this during an exam. I'm so tired and I bet this is all over the place. Remember to comment, like, share, and leave a request! We love writing stories.

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3rd person pov

“Ah, look here! Isn’t it Mr. Wheeler and her cocky no good boyfriend? I beat your score, Hargrove,” Billy said as he pressed Steve and Nancy as they walked outside of the kitchen.

Steve annoyingly pulled his sunglasses off as he took a good look at Billy. He’s always doing this, and every time, it seems like he’s angrier.

“So what? I’ve got better things to do in life,” Steve said as Nancy clinched onto him. “Oh right! Isn’t that goin’ to one of them bright-brained pretty boy schools?” Billy said as his friends laughed.

“Yeah, and you? Gonna cling onto someone all after high school?” Steve asked with a smirk, boiling Billy’s blood. “Oh, you’re good. You know where to find me dipshit,” Billy said before walking off with his crew.

“God, he’s so annoying. Why can’t he just leave us alone?” Nancy asked as she looked up at her boyfriend. “I don’t know,” Steve drily said before taking a deep breath. “You go with your friends while I find mine,” Steve said before walking off after Nancy gave him a peck.

As much as Steve hated Billy for finding him and causing something, he sure was scared when it was time to be alone. Without Nancy, he was alone and had no shit-talking left in him. He knew Billy wasn’t someone to fuck around with.

Steve made his way upstairs, making sure Nancy didn’t see him, or else she’d come looking for him later, and he couldn’t have that.

“Where you goin’ pretty boy?” Billy asked behind Steve as he made his way up the stairs as well. “Oh, rub it in, Hargrove. Just get me over with,” Steve said, making Billy chuckle.

“What? Are you mad? Now you know how I feel when I see you at every party with that bitch!” Billy gripped Steve's neck quickly and pushed him up against the wall. “Well-“ Steve tried saying.

“Don’t you open that fuckin’ mouth, Hargrove? I swear to god I’ll stuff you till you pass out,” Billy threatened as his face got red. This is the angriest he’s been with Steve, so Steve did as told and shut his mouth.

“Yeah, good boy. Keep quiet and be good for me,” Billy growled as he began to grind on Steve’s body. Steve tried to act like he didn’t want it. He always does, but just like now, he couldn’t. Not right after Billy begins to suck on his neck.

“Fuck,” Steve moaned as he tangled his hands in Billy’s hair as Billy grinned against his neck. Maybe this time, Billy will make Steve’s hickeys more visible because Nancy never does. He needs someone to catch them.

“You’ve been ignoring him all night. Kissin’ on that skank. I should fuck you downstairs for doing that shit,” Billy threatened him, hating how Nancy thinks she has him wrapped around her fingers.

Billy had enough of teasing himself. The fit man pulled Steve into an empty room, locking the door behind him. He knew people would try to get in, and he wouldn’t want Steve to be caught during sex tonight. He plans to go harder than usual.

“Angry much?” Steve laughed as he got up from being pushed into the ground so hard. “Yeah, and you’re gonna feel it,” Billy said, making Steve’s face drop. Usually, he first fully admits like he just did. That’s how Steve knew.

Billy pulled Steve to the empty bed in the room and threw him on it. Steve’s still a heavy man, but to Billy, he’s nothing. Especially when he’s riled up and ready to touch all over Steve’s body.

Billy angrily took his clothes off, struggling a bit with the fast he was trying to get undressed until he was done and moved to his boyfriend.

“I can’t wait until you break up with her. Gonna fuck you so hard in front of every girl that’s ever want you,” Billy said as he tugged at Steve’s jeans and boxers until they were off.

Steve stayed silent and let Billy throw him around like usual. “Ass is always so nice and clean. You shave every day for me, hm? So I can slip right in and fuck you rough and mean?” Billy harshly gripped Steve’s waste to move him around.

“God, can you be a little more gentle?” Steve rolled his eyes. Seconds later, Billy pushed Steve’s face into the mattress roughly. “Don’t tell me what to do,” Billy said through his teeth before spitting on Steve’s entrance.

Usually, Billy takes his time and gets Steve more lubed, but this time, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. Billy pushed at Steve’s entrance, causing Steve to groan loudly, trying his best to keep every noise in.

“Look at you. Can’t even take it,” Billy chuckled as he pushed further, watching and feeling Steve’s asshole stretch. Yet, he’s still tight. “Fuck baby,” Billy groaned, finally fully in him.

“B-Billy,” Steve moaned, trying his best to keep his voice firm because he knew when his voice got higher, Billy owned, and he’d corrupt.

Billy laughed as his boyfriend gripped his cock. “Please, Billy,” Steve still kept his voice as his back had a hard time arching. “Please what? Want me to fuck you harder like always?” Billy asked, keeping his hand pushed down on the back of Steve’s head.

“Y-Yes, please,” Steve finally moaned. “Good boy,” Billy groaned before giving what his boy wanted him to give. “Oh fuck,” Steve moaned, trying to keep himself steady, but he knew he’d cum undone in just a few seconds.

“So pretty when you’re not walkin’ behind that bitch,” Billy lifted Steve’s leg up to get a better angle, and Steve couldn’t take it. He came.

“Pretty boy’s cumin'? So pathetic. Barley even fucked you like I wanted to,” Billy moved both of his hands until he could push down on Steve’s ass and hips, trying to stop Steve’s shaking, but his orgasm came too hard.

“Yeah? You love it that much?” Billy asked as his boyfriend began to moan loudly at the thrusts he was getting. Billy had to quicken his paste until he was slamming into the boy like a wild animal.

“Oh fuck! Fuck Billy, I- Billy!” Steve stuttered over his words as his eyes rolled back and he began to sweat. “Just wait until we get to your house. Parents aren’t home, so I can tie you up and fuck you all damn night,” Billy smirked down at Steve who tried to look up at him but couldn’t.

Steve eventually couldn’t speak anymore. He could barely moan, but Billy got it out of him. He’s never seen Billy this mad and talk this much about Nancy. Now he knows what pisses him off. Maybe he can use it for another good fuck session with his boyfriend.

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theconstitutionisgayculture · 2 months

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According to Tumblr trends it is now "Lesbian week of visibility" 🙄

I seem to remember a bunch of people on this website acting like it was weird and obsessive that Hobby Lobby sells Christian decor lol... but man, these people genuinely seem to have nothing better to structure their lives around than ~not being straight~

So every other day needs to be some kinda validation for who you want to sleep with.

It's beyond sad. The same people who think being "queer" is a radical act beg the mainstream for validation and drool over any politician or brand or multinational corporation that pretends to care about them. They'll cut their entire families out of their lives for perceived slights or not towing the radical leftist line and then spend the rest of their life trying to replace them with soulless entities like corporations and politicians and activism. It's just very, very sad and pathetic.

Lesbian week of visibility is hilarious though, because the vast majority of "muh kweer representation" in media and society is lesbians. I've always called lesbians in media the "safe gays", because the'yre the easiest way to have "gay" representation that's acceptable to most customers. Straight guys won't be icked out by two girls kissing. Feminists get two female characters in a scene. The alphabet soup ligbits will deepthroat any representation they get. Make one of the women black and the diversity racists will be happy. Lesbians are such an easy way to quickly tick multiple representation boxes at once that they're pretty much the laziest form of public facing gay rep out there. But yeah, lesbians are "invisible" and need a whole week to flick their...egos. XD

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habeascorpseus · 11 months

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when i was in 7th grade, i had my first boyfriend. corny shit, i know. in many cases i dont think middle school relationships are enough to be classified as dating- but to this day, i do firmly believe our clumsy attempts at recreating the behavior of couples barely older than us did count. there was an emotional connection there. we had met in 6th grade and bonded over fnaf and minecraft 3 animations and all those other things that people still found found entertaining in 2014.

another notable thing in 7th grade that happened was that i had discovered i was transgender. well, i say "discovered", but it was honestly a long time coming. between my obsession with being seen as a "tomboy," my favorite song on the Kidz Bop 16 CD being Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" (but sung in a way to make it so much less about cheating that it really became more of a call to action to imagine life as a man) to the point where i manually would loop it on my cd player for hours, and my growing love for mlm shipping— i had been a certified egg since i was in 4th grade. but despite being raised around and parented with about a dozen lesbian and gay couples since birth, i didnt know whether or not my parents were transphobic or not. so, after looking through a list of trans identities, i decided to just come out as genderfluid to my parents as sort of a compromise to the intimidating rigidity of being a trans boy. and even though it wasn't entirely fitting to what i'd ultimately figure out about myself, i grew pretty attached to it.

back to the middle school boyfriend.

at the end of 7th grade— like, a week before summer vacation— i publically came out as genderfluid. while my ex, who i will from now on refer to as Lou, had initially taken it well, albeit with some confusion, over the summer, a much different series of feelings began unfolding. unfortunately, as middle school boys are wont to do whenever one of them begins to act even slightly against the norm, his friends began asking him if he was gay. "if michael¹ is a boy sometimes, does that make you straight, or bisexual?" are some of the things i later heard them ask. and since i, phoneless till the age of 16, was unable to talk to him throughout this relentless picking apart of his own identity, by the time we got back to school, things were... different.

¹ Michael is the name i went by irl for 3 years from 7th-9th grade.

for one, there were the jokes. he was a big leafy fan (and i really did try even back then to steer him away from that but its hard when youre a cringe nerd middle schooler) and back then "attack helicopter" jokes were kind of all the rage, so he began jokingly identifying as a toaster. then he made a toaster mask out of a cardboard box, spray paint, and duct tape that he brought to school and began putting on whenever i walked by him in the hallway. and then, and possibly worst of all- a simple html website shared between his friends called "what gender is Michael today?" which lead to a random generator of options like, "boy", "girl", "toaster", and "attack helicopter." all of which is kind of a lot to deal with when youre a middle schooler with a pretty rough time of it already, and suddenly your main bully is the guy youve effectively been in a relationship with for 6 months.

and now you may be asking: hey habeas, why this sudden autobiographical deep dive into the most traumatic period of your life? what spawned this? how is this story relevant to literally anything going on? well, that's where the next part of the story comes in.

that year, our sex ed teacher was a 5ft transgender man named Mudd. Mudd had a buzzcut, and a higher pitched voice, and small hands, but beyond all of that, there was nothing visibly different about him than any other boy or man in the school. in fact, the boys thought he was cool as hell. they were fascinated by the idea of transformation of the self into an unrecognizable body. they never misgendered him, even after learning his status as a trans man. in fact, they were comfortable enough around him to be transphobic towards me. and Mudd, like a good trans mentor, told them to cut that shit out, and told me that regardless of how complicated and occasionally contradictory my identity was, it was still me, and i needed to stand up for who i was as a person.

a week later, Lou called me a tranny, and in response, i punched him in the nose and promptly stopped talking to him.

so again, why is this relevant? well, I'm not sure how terminally online (or specifically, on twitter) some of you are, but recently there's been a bit of a tiff in a certain fandom about bi lesbianism. specifically, how it, as an identity, is harmful to both the bisexual and lesbian communities. which, one: nooooo....??? bisexuality and lesbianism arent separate so much fraternal twins, and I've already talked too much to include further definitions to prove it. but my argument is really less about its validity as an identity and more about the principle of there being limits to acceptance, even within our community.

like with my experience, people were fine when they were faced with binary identities. a trans man like mudd is cool, or a trans girl like Jazz Jennings (we watched a lot of I Am Jazz in homeroom) could be seen as normal, and more so, inspiring. but when i came in with an identity people found to be contradictory or "too confusing," it resulted in backlash. the entire definition of being "queer" is to be abnormal to what general society finds acceptable, and even then, some things are "too weird" to be tolerated. even amongst "weird" people. which i find to be a pretty troubling trend amongst queer leftist young people who's only real experience with an "lgbt community" has been online. here, we prioritize and find catharsis in labels and categories to the point where the "queer community" has become instead split between identities- the gays, the lesbians, the bis, the transes, the aros and aces and the whatnot. in the real world, it doesnt matter what flavor of queer you are, nobody's going to stop and ask before they call you a groomer and then legislate your freedom away. which is why we, as an online queer community, have to get rid of the notion that some identities are "too contradictory" or "dont exist" enough to be worth giving support and love.

im saying all this here... because, well, one: nobody wants to read a 40+ tweet thread about my personal brush with irl homophobia and how that radicalized me against community separation in general, and two: i am deeply afraid of 14 year olds on twitter with too much time on their hands. but also im saying this because it was infuriating yesterday to watch my entire twitter feed suddenly turn into a puritanical campaign against the very concept of someones identity and have the ability to say nothing. it disgusted me how quickly we turn against our own simply because the way they are is confusing to our tiny fucking peanut brains. and i know none of those people who went on that tirade will read this, but i felt like it needed to be said anyways.

don't let society's impulse to ostracize the confusing and strange win out over human decency. don't do conservatives' strategy to divide and conquer us for them. a person's identity not being comprehensible to you is not inherently an attack on who you, yourself, are. you are your identity and you should stand up for it, and you should stand up for others' identities too. punch your bullies in the nose.

long live the confusing, the contradictory, and most importantly, the queer.

#habeas speaks #discourse #oh no hes on a soapbox again guys look out #hey sqlumi if you see this ever i hope you know that i think youre cool as hell for giving a middle finger to the entire operation #sorry so few people jumped to your defense and that you had to delete your twitter ik how hard it is to build a following there #aaaaanyways #pinning this for a day or two just bc

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hoardlikegoldenirises · 1 year

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after drawing the sparkly bider-man i wanted to make one for my AU... purely self-indulgent...

I doubt Peter would really take the time and expense to make a special pride suit he would only wear once or twice unless Johnny convinced him or smth so it's mostly hypothetical but still fun —

I was looking through my timeline trying to figure out when would make the most sense for this (which also included: has Johnny outed himself yet) and I ended up deciding 2014 makes the most sense because well, in 2012 Peter will be locked in a basement during June, and in 2013 he would be busy with Electro and finishing grad school, but 2014 is like... right after he and Flash get married so I can easily imagine Johnny being like "c'moooon Spidey, let's dress up together, you just got gay*-married" etc. and, well, peter does like to dress up... (otherwise he wouldn't be in spandex all the time 😂)

normally I avoid metallic or shiny spandex like the plague for suit designs cause I think it looks cheap but I made an exception for this 😂 it probably IS cheap...

closeups:

posing for pictures... johnny's idea, naturally. in my timeline i think johnny outs himself in like 2011 or so after a very messy divorce (from lyja) but I'm not spending too much time on the F4 stuff in this aside from just having a general idea so if they appear in a fic I know what's going on 😅 anyway by 2014 johnny is def way more comfortable with being publicly gay, since the cat's long out of the bag, though he's still got a lot of issues... but he's good at pretending to be okay :)

but also he still has a crush on peter 😂 tfw you have the hots for your superhero friend who just got married

peter actually already knows how johnny feels about him by the time he gets married, i just thought the dialogue was funny

I thought it would be fun if the lens frames were sparkly... normally I have his frames out of vulcanized black rubber (like car tire rubber) (...like might actually be carved from old tires) just cause I prefer the matte and slightly soft look compared to plastic... I figure something like sparkly firm silicone or sparkly plastic is probably pretty achievable for Peter to make. And the lenses would just be his normal bulletproof lenses but with an iridescent film on the outside to make them a little rainbowy...

and I think in 2014 irl holographic glitter spandex was like... something that existed that you could buy lol so i figure he can very carefully sew a holographic spider on.... so the spiders are like, that silvery white rainbow glitter kind of look

no webbing because there's a limit to how much labor and time peter would be willing to put into a flashy, kind of useless costume that he wouldn't be able to/want to wear very often... (and i wasn't a fan of how it looked)

bisexual fingers. there's a dirty joke in there somewhere.

it's difficult to come up with body-covering outfits that are suitable for summer weather as-is but the fact that he's wearing polyester spandex underneath really adds a layer of "i'm going to get heatstroke and die" to this outfit. lots of linen though. at least the armpits are athletic mesh.

also yeah the spidey shirt is a leotard with a snap crotch so. he's really just hoping that doesn't unroll under his clothes cause it would absolutely hang down very visibly from under his shirt if it were to fall. (maybe he can use his electrostatic sticking powers to just. hold it in place...)

he also can't roll down the waistband of his tights because it's more rigid than the rest of his costume on account of that's where he keeps all his spare web cartridges and it would suck if they all fell out LOL

hm i just noticed i accidentally gave peter a purple happy trail oops just pretend that's black

anyway

that's AU bider-man

i also drew this which is much more corny/embarrassing but i thought it was a cute idea — by necessity has to be after flash is public and transitioning etc… so 2016 at the earliest but i drew this more like 2017 or 2018, after she's been on hrt and stuff and is probably more confident

i don't think there's a worry of accidentally spotlighting her/outing her because, well, she probably doesn't pass in a lot of people's eyes… broad shoulders, sideburns, etc. but… peter thinks she's pretty ❤️

i was gonna draw more of the gang but then the list kept expanding like, oh should i include X, what about Y? and it was. too many people. so then i just decided to only draw flash and peter 😂

they should have stickers on their shirts though... like a polyamory sticker... or pins...

*as of most recent plot updates in 2024, Flash starts living publicly as a woman around the time she and Peter get married, but it's probably still legally a gay marriage (at first) even if Flash is like, "Actually, I'm a girl. Surprise!" lmao

#came in through the window last night #biderman #spiderman #spider-man #nadiart #fanadiart #arghdesign #peter parker

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

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i'm going feral about queer icon hob gadling thank you very much. I JUST CAN'T WITH HIM. i cry because in the comic in the 1989 panel there's a person at the inn talking about how "of course AIDS isn't a punishment from god." hob has to sit there and hear that and just. JUST. hob being visible! hob being vulnerable in his love! hob surviving all his friends. hob buying the fucking pub with the power of his queer money!!! committing the crime of graffiti to SPRAYPAINT A SIGN FOR HIS LOVE TO FIND

It is... probably because I am a queer historian and that is why I imprinted on Hob in the first place, but uh, yes, I have many feelings about this too, and the subtle way in which queer places and spaces work both in the show and in the Dreamling story specifically. Obviously there are many queer characters in Sandman (and we love it for that), but the White Horse, and then the New Inn, is one of the few physical locations I can think of that is a literal embodiment of queer devotion. Hob buys the old pub and builds the new one so Morpheus, if he does ever come back, can find him! He appropriated the spot where they met the first time, where their relationship was built over centuries, and he both saves the old one and builds a NEW one (new step in their relationship etc etc). And physically paints giant signs because his immortal boyfriend is very stupid! He makes it visible and explicit, he builds his devotion into every fiber of that pub, he does it especially so Dream can still come back and find him if he chooses, he waits patiently, and like... the New Inn is absolutely brimming with queer adoration, and ack.

Also, there was that tantalizing tidbit about the real, historical White Horse pub that the Sandman version was based on, being best known for being run by two women in the 18th century who called themselves "Mr. and Mrs. How." Granted, I found that in the IMDB trivia section and if I was writing an actual paper on it, I'd have to do a heck of a lot more research. However, happily, I am NOT writing a paper, and I say it's real because it feels right. In that case, the White Horse itself is embodied as a queer establishment, a place previously run by married lesbians in Hella Gay 18th-century London, and adds another layer to that being the place where Hob and Dream meet every century to conduct their careful, tentative, tender, unspoken romance.

But then! Tragedy! The pub has been bought and will be shut down, and with it, the physical and literal heart of Hob’s relationship with his "stranger!" As I wrote in my meta about the 1989 scene, everything is so careful, so subtextual, so unspoken, whether it is Hob saying he has been stood up and the bartender deliberately not assuming it was by a woman and offering oblique reassurance that Hob is safe here, as a queer man in violently homophobic 1989. So of course Hob can't stand to think of it going away, and has to save it both for himself and as a queer-friendly establishment! So he takes his queer money, as you say, and does something about it! Maybe bad people get to do whatever in this country with that money too, but so does Hob, and he can claw back a little of the place that has always most belonged to him (and him with Dream).

Hence the New Inn, where Hob absolutely hung Pride flags in the '90s long before it was cool or popularly accepted to do so, was able to use his status both as owner of the establishment and Queer Who Can Kick Your Ass to deal with anyone who had a problem with it, and otherwise keep it ready for the day when his love might get to show up again. It's beautiful! It's visible! It's symbolic! And then when Dream does walk in and make their relationship "visible," i.e. apologising and calling Hob his friend, they get to sit down together in that space that Hob has created and kept as an altar of queer devotion both private and public, they smile at each other adoringly, and then what scene/setting do we cut straight to??

THE GIANT BEATING HEART OF THE THRESHOLD OF DESIRE. FROM ONE BEATING HEART OF DESIRE MADE VISIBLE DIRECTLY TO THE OTHER.

They were insane for this, truly. Insane.

#wordsinhaled #ask #hob gadling #dreamling #hopefully this made sense #i have uh. many feelings.#and now i need to lie down

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tomatoluvr69 · 5 months

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It’s so funny to be lazily ambiguous with gender and sexuality in real life because most people are like oh that’s a butch lesbian. Because I am lazy. And because I only clear things up with vetted friends and literally do not care about pronouns and names and have had different names/pronouns in different circles etc. and they see my men’s attire and the fact that I haven’t binded (bound?) in years and my short hair has long grown out. And then they tell on themselves and their own lazy heuristics when I talk about liking a man that it either a) takes them visibly aback and they have to stumble over themselves to pretend they’re not shocked or b) straight up think I’m joking and continue to believe I’m a butch lesbian. And the craziest thing is other queer people like somehow often worse about this despite this sort of idea that they have of themselves that they don’t assume anyone’s gender/sexuality and that they don’t tie ideas of androgyny to a flat chest and that they do believe that pretty extreme gender fluidity can and does exist and that everyone’s experience with gender is unique. And then there’s all sorts of shit where if I don’t feel like explaining/justifying the fact that I feel my concept of identity and self shift at such a glacial pace that it’s not worth establishing a conventional nonbinary or transgender identity (that conforms to the accepted experience, timeline, and desired considerations) in public, beyond my trusted friends who are chill about deviant experiences within the queer norm, I’m just one of them theyfabs claiming to be queer for clout. Ugh anyways it’s crazy to be one of the few people on the planet who needs to occasionally come out as what may appear at the outset as straight. I’m literally not a lesbian and no one ever ever stops to think I might not be. But I’ve had so many profound experiences with women and within that sort of community that I do feel such a strong affinity there, and in an ideal world would love to be something like a he/him lesbian. But I’m not a lesbian. Because I like men!! Despite only ever having been with women!!! And it also is so funny to me that were I to enter into a relationship with a man I would be considered completely and entirely cishet despite my extensive experiences within the gay community and specifically the lesbian community. Who would accept me with open arms if I’d ended up permanently with one of the women I’ve been with!! But I remain steadfast in my convictions that I do not need to explain myself to anyone. And truly I do not care in the least what people assume about me, I’m a very private person for whom open identity is not important and I’m literally way too chill to care. But it’s just continuously funny to have to come out as not a lesbian. How many dozens of times have I had to be like “actually I am not a homosexual”. Literally the opposite experience of most LGBTeeeees I’ve just got that deeply intensely masculine swag for real that the effect lasts even when my hair gets down to like shoulder length. And it’s like, even though I am perceived as female, albeit a queer one, I have had literally every single one of the stereotypical experiences of the ‘knew I was transgender from early childhood’ archetype and that’s just supposed to be completely invalid because I decided not to medically transition due to the spans of time I have where my identity shifts and I know I’m not qualified to pick one of the three acceptable genders for the rest of my life? And I understand the broader community’s frustration with certain aspects of hegemony re: people whose identities are snidely referred to as “theyfabs” and bisexual women in LTRs with men HOWEVER im just so tiredddddddddddd of the condescension, and lazy heuristics I notice in queer people’s treatment of me and assumptions about me. Anyways thanks 2 the gay people in my phone for letting me be amorphous and being so so chill about it. I mean it probably helps that you can’t see my genuinely gargantuan and unbindable breasts from my posts. But christ man it’s just exhausting lol

#sorry. guess who just had to say the sentence ‘actually I’m not a lesbian! no worries though’ out loud for the 4000009th time #also #which is why if you’ve noticed me use every single term under the sun for myself it’s because ummmm I am like everything and nothing #and if you hate theyfabs and bisexuals then just unfollow me and let’s live in our separate worlds. life is too short to justify yourself #to everyone I’m straight up just chilling #like sorry my hair is long. is that hard for you to understand in your toddler’s conception of boys and girls #ok now back to ur regularly scheduled apathy and ignoring of all discourse infighting and identity gatekeeping lol

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thedreadvampy · 11 days

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ok like not to be a cunt but day 1 of pride month During A Genocide, During An International Rollback of LGBTQ+ Rights In Europe And North America, and STILL all the Pride posts I'm seeing are either wahoo rainbow gay or rehashing the exact same 2 talking points as we go through every year for the last decade.

should there be kink at pride? (yes on fact there should be much more filth)

do ace/aro people belong at pride? (frankly at this point it's been about 8-9 years since I saw a single person not actively obsessed with this discourse say they shouldn't but ok)

don't get me wrong I understand why these things are important to people. but fuck man it is EXHAUSTING that in my entire adult life we haven't moved forwards and also that from 00:01 on June 1st the SAME EXACT DISCUSSIONS come so loudly back into rotation that basically nobody is discussing any OTHER imo slightly less uhhhh navel-gazey? issues around Pride, pinkwashing and the issues faced by LGBTQ+ people in our communities.

by which I mean not only are these two discourses stultifyingly static and unchanging, but also they're literally just about Who Goes To A Parade? there's shit that is directly to do with Pride which feels more relevant, like the idea of Pride as a marketing brand rather than a political or personal statement, or the fact that Pride events are being sponsored by companies like Barclays who are funding genocide, or how Pride provides pinkwashing cover for politicians, corporations, police and arms dealers. and we're also looking at that in a political climate where trans people in particular are having their rights and safety and access to public life removed, where homophobic rhetoric and violence is seeing a huge resurgence, etc. but no by all means let's for the billionth time spend the whole month rehashing who we think are the Correct Sort Of Queer in the exact same Sisyphean cycle with absolutely no movement or advancement of any side.

(my disdain for this shit btw is entirely unconnected to whether I agree with it. I personally think Pride should be a tits out leather chaps and kink gear challenge to what is and isn't considered socially acceptable sexuality, and I personally think that there's no serious reasons to exclude aro/ace people from People Pride Is For. but I think it's dumb as fuck to spend your whole time dying on that hill and it's dumb as fuck to spend your whole time dying on the opposing hills because after the 10th year doing this in circles it has truly got so old all round when there are other conversations at could be having that MIGHT ACTUALLY MOVE FORWARDS AT SOME POINT.)

(and the thing specifically about the ace inclusion at pride thing is - ace people ARE AT PRIDE and have BEEN PART OF PRIDE FOR YONKS. I've never been to a Pride event where ace people weren't both welcome and visible present in significant numbers. ace people are welcomed at pride by the vast majority of people. the war is won. bring the troops back home. can we please move on to some of the CURRENT problems that are happening NOW?)

#red said #it's just TEDIOUS like we're not even a day in and I'm tired of it #Go to pride get your tits/ass/whatever works for you out. meet your community. snog someone or don't.#join a radical bloc and throw red paint on arms manufacturers marching in pride parades or photobomb all their corporate photos #with placards making them unusable #but like. pride is meant to be a SYMBOLIC TOUCHSTONE FOR THE WIDER LGBTQ+ LIBERATION STRUGGLE #the point is not to endlessly litigate the minutae of PRIDE ITSELF pride is supposed to be part of a wider movement

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marxonculture · 10 months

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A Quick Note on 'Jewface', Maestro and Oppenheimer

Given that my presence on this platform is filtered specifically through the lens of Jewishness in film, and that I wrote my undergraduate dissertation on the Jewish identity of Leonard Bernstein – the subject of Bradley Cooper’s controversial upcoming film, Maestro – I thought I’d weigh in on the current discourse.

For those who are unaware, one of the biggest films due to premier as part of this year’s autumn film festival season is Bradley Cooper’s Maestro. The film is said to be a non-traditional biopic of 20th century American composer Leonard Bernstein, focusing largely on his complex relationship with his wife, Felicia Montealegre. Controversy has arisen around the Netflix production due to images from the trailer featuring Bradley Cooper as Bernstein wearing an enlarged prosthetic nose. Voices within and outside Jewish communities have loudly criticised Cooper for caricaturing Jewishness, using the term ‘Jewface’ which describes the act of a goyische (non-Jewish) actor using prosthetics to make themselves look more like a cartoonish, imagined Jew.

While it is true that Bernstein did own a decent sized schnoz, the prosthetic utilised by Cooper is significantly bigger, and more defined than the nose was in reality. From a personal standpoint, I do find the use of this prosthetic to be pretty discomforting, but I think it speaks more to Cooper’s insecurity about the size of his own nose, which is a lot bigger than perhaps he would like to admit (and not too dissimilar to Bernstein’s actual nose!), than it does about his perception of Jews. That being said whether it was his intention to cartoonify Jewishness or not, Cooper has ruffled feathers in a way that is crass rather than substantive. Bernstein’s living relatives have come out in support of Cooper and his decision to use the prosthetic, saying that Bernstein would not have minded, but I think their statement rather misses the point. The nose is not about Bernstein himself, but about highly visible representations of a tiny minority that are stereotypical and incredibly reductive.

Funnily enough, however, Cooper’s use of ‘Jewface’ is the element of Maestro that bothers me the least. I have been fairly vocal since the film’s announcement about how I believe the production as a whole to be a pretty catastrophically bad idea. Leonard Bernstein is my number one creative hero – as a composer, public intellectual and educator, I don’t think there has been a single Jewish figure in American history who has had more of a positive impact on culture.

As I mentioned, I have written extensively about Bernstein in an academic context, and in researching him, it became clear to me just how vitally important his Jewish identity was to him throughout his life. It informed his music (even West Side Story, which was initially conceived as a story about Jews and Catholics on the Lower East Side of Manhattan), and his role as an educator (he often described his pedagogy as rabbinic in nature), and he was deeply, foundationally affected upon learning about the realities of the Holocaust which caused what he described as ‘aporia’, a state of being where he was too overwhelmed to write a single word for years. Bernstein’s complicated relationship to sexuality was also hugely significant in his life. There is still debate to this day about whether, given an open, accepting environment, he would have identified as a gay man or as bisexual. He had significant, passionate relationships with both men and women, and was an early major advocate for HIV/AIDS research.

My problem with Maestro is that I don’t have faith in Bradley Cooper as a writer/director, to sensitively depict these two massive aspects of Bernstein’s identity. Focusing on his most significant straight-passing relationship as the centre of a film called Maestro does not inspire confidence that the film won’t totally whitewash Bernstein’s Jewishness, or reduce his sexuality to the pain it caused his wife (in a similar way to other reductive music biopics like Bohemian Rhapsody or Rocketman). Cooper’s own identity is significant in that he is starting from a place of remove from the identity of his subject, which isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker, but when there are other filmmakers out there who are far better suited to a project like this, both from an identity perspective and a thematic one, it’s hard to justify why this project exists at all in its current form.

Some have pointed to the involvement of Steven Spielberg as a producer on the project as hope for better representation, but given that Cooper and Martin Scorsese – a filmmaker who I have criticised in the past for the didactic, Christian morality of his movies – are also credited producers, I don’t think it’ll make much difference. I’m more comforted by the involvement of Josh Singer (Spotlight, The Post) and his contribution to the screenplay, given his Jewishness and his work on thematically sensitive historical films.

I’m not writing off the film entirely just yet. I had similar worries about Oppenheimer, given the significance of the scientist’s Jewishness in his decision to start work on the bomb in the first place. Nolan and Cillian Murphy, thankfully, proved me wrong in the director’s decision to focus on the differing Jewish identities of Oppenheimer, Lewis Strauss, and I.I. Rabi, and the nuanced ways in which their characters were informed by Jewishness, as well as Murphy’s attention to detail in his performance. It’s certainly possible for non-Jewish filmmakers to consider Jewishness in a valuable way (see Todd Field’s Tar or Paul Thomas Anderson’s Licorice Pizza for a couple of recent examples), but the set-up of this project makes it hard for me to believe that Cooper is one such filmmaker.

To end with a little self-gratifying what-if, I thought I’d lay out what would be my ideal Bernstein biopic: a film centred around the relationship between Bernstein and his fellow queer, Jewish composer and mentor, Aaron Copland, the letters they wrote to one another, and the fallout of their brushes with McCarthyism which had vastly different outcomes. I would keep Cooper as Bernstein (without the prosthetics!) because he can convincingly play the man’s charm, I’d cast Michael Stuhlbarg as Copland, and get Todd Haynes to write and direct. Haynes is Jewish, gay, and has a great deal of experience directing sweeping, romantic, dark, and political films. He knows how to portray music on screen and has several masterful period-pieces under his belt, with Carol in particular as a shining example of complex, historical queer romance in America. Honestly, this would be my dream film project.

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