#though I’d probably rate it teen and up for the language and suggestive content | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainpotatoslayer · 4 years

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Chapters: 64/? Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Mitsuki, Bakugou Masaru, Original Female Character(s), Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Love, Falling In Love, Angst, Soft Bakugou Katsuki, Slice of Life, Teen Romance, Childhood Trauma, Childhood Friends, Deception, Superpowers, Background Relationships, Character Death, dying, Mental Health Issues, Closely follows original story, Dark elements, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Bullying, mysterious character, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Elements of poly

Wilted

Akane rolled over in bed, a groan escaping her as she did. She rubbed her arm over her face, able to hear the distant sound of the shower running. As she stretched out across the sheets, she figured it must have been Bakugou already up early and getting ready. She smiled and rolled back over, snuggling into the pillow for a few more minutes.

She had only done so for a moment before she realized that she saw something on the night stand. After raising her head up a bit, she was able to get a better look and her lips curled into a smile. A single, scorched dead dandelion sat on the top. Her heart thundered in her chest as she relaxed back in bed.

So it was Valentines Day today?

It had started as a joke.

But then it became a tradition.

After they finished getting ready and got into their uniforms, Akane was tugging on her boots as she looked at Bakugou who was just minding his own business, putting his shoes on as well. She stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso, kissing the back of his head. “Happy Valentines Day, Katsu.”

He growled, “Whatever.”

They barely crossed the threshold of the door to school when Sorann jumped up on Akane from behind and grinned, “Good morning!” She swung around in front of her and held her hand out, which had a little package in it. “Here, I have a surprise for you.”

Akane made a face. “Is this Valentines chocolate? Are you confessing to me?”

Bakugou all but snarled in Sorann’s face, trying to push her away. Sorann laughed and danced away from his hand as she dropped the item into Akane’s hands. “Open it! Enjoy!”

Akane cautiously opened the little package, bracing herself for what could be inside. After she unfolded the wrap, her eyes sparkled with happiness. There was a little ball of chocolate in her palm – not quite perfectly round, but still obviously spherical. It was almost as black as midnight and she grinned. “Dark chocolate... my favorite!” She popped it in her mouth and was delightfully surprised when she felt a rush of hot fudge. She let out a massive purr. “Oh that was so damn good. You make these, huh?”

She grinned and stuck her tongue out. “I had help... but yeah. We made them last night.” Dropping her smile she turned to Bakugou and held out another piece. “You too.”

Bakugou snatched it away and shouted, “I don’t want your shitty chocolate, Sor-loser! Get lost!” Despite that, he ripped the paper wrapper open and popped it in his mouth. He glared her dead in the face until he suddenly jumped. His glare intensified. “Pop rocks? Really?” He glared down at his own tongue as they crackled around. “These things are so annoying! What are you, a child?”

Sorann grumbled. “That’s rich, coming from you.” She turned around. “I have a lot of candies to give out and so little time. See you guys later!” She trotted off.

Much more slowly, Bakugou and Akane headed to class. Bakugou marched off to his own desk while Akane made her way to her own, but paused when she saw a few people floating around her desk. She stepped up behind Sero and asked, “What are you guys doing?”

Sero chuckled. “Looks like you have a valentines secret admirer. But they’re not very good at it.”

Mineta fanned his hand from his desk. “The guy clearly doesn’t know the first thing about girls. I mean at least put some effort into the big day.” He looked up at Akane and a determined look floated across his face, his hand clenching. It was good for him though. The worse her other admirers did, the better he was going to look when he pulled his move.

Akane wiggled by them to her desk and her gaze softened.

Another scorched flower – this one a honeysuckle torn from its roots too early. She picked up the flower and her red eyes shimmered with happiness before she gently put the flower away in her bag. “I love it. I think it’s full of personality.”

Sero blinked. “What really?”

Mineta shouted, “That flower looks like it was plucked out of the ground outside the door! After being set on fire! And trampled on!”

Akane giggled, “It probably was.”

Mineta just gaped in confusion.

Todoroki asked, “Don’t girls usually want roses for flowers?”

Akane made a face at him and laughed. “Don’t insult me, Shouto, what part of me is usual?”

He couldn’t help but smile and laugh along. “You’re right. My apologies.”

She smiled more before sitting down in her seat. With her chin in her hand, her gaze went across the front row until it fell on the back of her favorite blonde head. He glanced at her for only a moment before looking back straight ahead.

At lunch, Akane smiled when she saw Sorann going around, giving chocolates out to everyone. Each piece had it’s own unique touch for them. That girl was truly something special, always going out of her way for others. The gesture was just so sweet.

But behind her, trouble was brewing.

Monoma and Tetsutetsu were standing shoulder to shoulder, looking at class 1-A. Monoma asked, “Which one is her?”

Tetsutetsu pointed to Akane. “Black hair and red eyes according to Kirishima, so that’s gotta be her.” Confused he asked, “But why did you wanna know?” He paused. “You’re not gonna cause trouble are you? If you do, Kendo is gonna stress out.”

Monoma fanned his hand. “Don’t worry about a thing. This will all be worth it. Thanks for your help, Tetsutetsu. Now sit back and enjoy the show.”

Tetsutetsu frowned. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

Akane started eating her lunch when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and looked up to see Class 1-B's notorious trouble maker was standing behind her. “Monoma?”

He smiled at her, brushing his bangs back as leaned forward. “Hello, Akane.” He had a not so descreetly hidden boquet of roses behind his back. “Today is the day of confessions, is it not?”

“Uh...” Akane hummed in confusion. “If you’re saying that cause of Valentine’s Day then you’re not wrong but... what are you doing?”

Monoma smiled as he held the roses in front of him and stated, “I’d like to confess. I’ve had a crush on you since the moment I met you. Your beauty resonates through my mind and I see your glowing smile even when I close my eyes.”

Akane slurped up her noodles. “You get that out of a book?”

Sero and Kaminari who were sitting across from her both straightened up and tensed. Sero quickly stated, “Uh... man that’s a bad idea.”

Kaminari squeaked, “Oh shit, he’s coming.”

Akane sighed heavily and sat up. “Monoma, I would highly suggest that you quit while you’re behind.”

Monoma’s grin grew bigger when he heard a furious growl behind him. He spun around and fanned his hands out. “Excuse me, Bakugou. But I’m busy.”

His head was tipped up, veins popping all over his forehead, his lip curled in a heated snarl and his eyes narrowed in rage. “The fuck do you think you’re doing you son of a bitch?”

Monoma blinked, feigning innocence. “What do you mean? I’m just minding my own business, trying to confess my love to this beautiful woman.” His face suddenly contorted into a knowing, challenging glare. “Does that bother you?”

Bakugou glared at the flowers in his hand and shouted, “Get the fuck away from her you bastard! You can’t confess to her, she’s my girlfriend!”

He fake gasped, “She is!? I had no idea.”

Bakugou stepped up to him. “You knew you damn liar... want me to blow your god damn face off?”

Monoma challenged, “I dare you to try Mr.Hero. But I think you’re overreacting a bit. But make sure you fight me in front of all the teachers and let them know you did it just cause I was giving a girl flowers.”

Bakugou set his tray of food down and both of his hands crackled with explosions. “You bastard... that’s it...! I’m gonna fucking kill you...!”

Akane jumped up, raising her hands as she stood between them, her back to Monoma and she pressed Bakugou back a step. “Katsu, enough. Don’t play his game. You’re better than that.”

Sero laughed, “Yeah and both of you are better than the loser who’s dropping off dead flowers.”

Monoma looked back at him. “Dead flowers? Mine was as a joke but at least I put in effort... jeez.”

Akane frowned and Bakugou snapped, “Fuck you extras.” He grabbed his tray and marched off elsewhere.

Akane sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Katsu...”

“Iida, Uraraka!”

Sorann glowed happily when she finally caught up to a couple of her classmates as they returned from lunch. “Here, happy Valentines day.”

“Are these chocolates?” Iida gasped. “How thoughtful of you!” He clenched his hand into a fist. “I as the president should have thought of such a selfless thing to share with my fellow students.”

Uraraka laughed. “Calm down Iida, I don’t think anyone’s expecting it. Normally you only give chocolates to your crush – so Sorann is going really above and beyond expectations.”

She smiled. “I just really wanted to do it. I appreciate all of you guys and you really make me feel happy to come to school. Plus, all of you have such fun characteristics so it was really enjoyable to come up with specialized chocolates for each of you.”

Iida gasped, “They’re unique?”

“Yeah!” Sorann exclaimed.

Iida eagerly opened his and looked at the piece of square chocolate and analyzed it for several moments. “I... don’t see it.”

Sorann laughed softly. “Yours is a plain milk chocolate square. A fundamental piece of chocolate that follows all the rules.”

His gaze brightened at this. “It’s perfect. How thoughtful. Thank you, Sorann!”

Uraraka quickly followed suit and unwrapped hers as Iida ate his chocoalte. Hers was a simple ball of chocolate and she asked, “And mine...?”

Sorann smiled. “You have to eat yours.”

She did and a moment later, she let out a scream of delight. “Red bean paste! So yummy! Thank youuu!!” She wrapped her friend in a big hug.

She hugged back but quickly trotted to the back of class when she saw that Todoroki had just reached his desk. Sorann told him, “Todoroki...! Here!” She went to get his chocolate but stopped when she noticed him staring at Akane.

Akane had just sat down and opened her book, but a couple of the dead flowers were between the pages she was flipping to. Her fingers ran along the charred stems before she put them into her backpack as well.

Todoroki frowned and asked Sorann. “Do you know anything about those dead flowers?”

Sorann shook her head. “Nope.”

“Do they mean something?” He asked, a concerned edge to his voice.

“Hm... let’s see.” Sorann pulled her phone out with her other hand and started searching. After a moment, she read aloud, “Withered, wilted or dead flowers have a negative connotation in expression, or if the flowers are presented upside down, then it conveys the opposite of its original meaning. Maybe someone is harassing her?” Her frown deepened. “I should talk to her about it.”

Todoroki shook his head. “I don’t think that’s what it could be. She seemed really happy about the one she got this morning. But they’re everywhere. I think I’ve seen her get at least 5 or 6.”

“I’ll ask her about them.” Sorann stated. “After class though.” She smirked at him. “Are you getting jealous, Todoroki?”

He blinked. “What... no...I just... am curious.”

Momo had just come into the classroom as well and looked up to see that Todoroki and Sorann were talking. She felt her heart start to pound in her chest. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a small box that had her own chocolate in it as she looked up at Todoroki. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself as she stepped forward so she could speak with him next, but her eyes widened when she saw Sorann hand over a piece of chocolate to him.

He questioned, “What’s this?”

Sorann laughed. “It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s chocolate.”

“Why do... I get chocolate?” He asked.

Momo looked down and put her box back into her bag, hurrying by the two of them to her desk.

Sorann giggled, “I made some for everyone. Try yours!”

Todoroki took a bite and mulled over it for a bit before he asked, “It’s... part mint...part...” He made a face as he was trying to figure it out.

She answered, “Mexican chocolate. It’s got cinnamon in it.”

He smiled. “I see. Thank you.”

She gleefully told him, “You’re welcome!”

At the end of PE for the day, Ashido was pointing her finger at Jiroh and scolding, “I think you need to stop lying to yourself or you’re never gonna get anywhere.”

Jiroh snapped back, “There’s nowhere to get. You’re full of crap and that’s it!”

Asui joined, “I dunno, you’re denying it awfully hard.”

“Because it’s not true!” Jiroh yelled.

Sorann finished pulling her clothes on and walked over to them. “What are you guys arguing about?”

Ashido grinned, “Jiroh didn’t make any chocolate for her crush.”

Jiroh shouted, “I don’t have one!”

“Who is it?” Sorann asked eagerly.

“No one!” Jiroh seethed.

Asui answered, “Kaminari.”

Jiroh argued, “He’s a total idiot! Why would I like anything about him!?”

“He makes you laugh.” Ashido sang.

“He makes everyone laugh with his stupidity.” Jiroh growled. She quickly finished up and shut her locker door. “Forget it, I’m not arguing this anymore...!” She quickly trotted after Momo and joined her walking out.

Sorann grinned at the other two. “You’re so right. Definitely likes him.”

They nodded.

She grabbed a couple pieces of chocolate. “But I’ve got treats for you...!”

Ashido squealed and broke hers open, “Mines pink!”

Asui whined happily. “It’s shaped like a frog...! It’s so cute Sorann! Thanks!”

The two of them were about to head out when Akane walked up to her locker and pulled out her bag, but several dead flowers fell out of it.

Sorann tensed up. All three of them watched intently to see what Akane would do.

She giggled softly while reaching down and picking up the bundle of flowers.

Gasping, all three girls flew up to her. Sorann asked, “Who gave you the flowers?”

Ashido screamed, “Yeah Akane, who is the secret admirer!?”

Akane blinked. “Secret admirer? I don’t know. But these flowers are from Katsu.”

Ashido stared for several seconds before her arms dropped. “You can’t be serious. He’s your boyfriend and he’s giving you destroyed flowers?”

Akane’s gaze was warm. “Maybe it doesn’t make sense to anyone else but...it’s our thing.”

“Huh...” Ashido mumbled. “Weird.”

Asui looked up at her. “I just figured it was lazy since he didn’t think he needed to win her over anymore since they’re already dating. That does seem like a Bakugou thing, right?”

Ashido put her finger to her cheek. “Maybe... I dunno. He’s big on being number one...”

Akane chuckled. “Don’t bust brain cells, alright? Its our thing and that’s all that matters.”

Sorann watched as Akane headed out with a big smile on her face. Her heart warmed at the knowledge that her friend was so happy – no matter what the reason was. But now that the others were gone, a deeper emotion filled her face. She hoped, however the future played out, that she would keep smiling just like that.

At the end of the school day, Sorann all but jumped over her desk and wrapped her arms around Midoriya and Kirishima, bringing them both in as she hugged them tight. “Alright, you guys are my last chocolates. I was saving you for the end.”

Kirishima was confused as he looked at her, “You made a chocolate for me? When?”

“After you left.” Sorann assured. She placed a small bag in Kirishima’s hands and then a single heart shaped chocolate in Midoriya’s.

Immediately Midoriya’s face lit up like a firework. “I’ve never... gotten a chocolate from a g-girl before...” He paused. “But these are... for the whole class right? So it’s just... friendship chocolate?”

Sorann grinned at him like she was up to no good. “Yours is the only one shaped like a heart, Deku.”

This made his face turn even more red and he nearly went weak in the knees and collapsed. Despite this, Sorann squeezed his arms and gleefully encouraged, “Go on, open it.”

Kirishima smiled at the two of them but his stomach was in knots. The night before, Sorann had text him asking about recipes for chocolate and he had helped her through the phone for a while but ended up coming over and helping her make everyones chocolate. He had enjoyed every moment of it and it seemed like she did too. So he felt silly for having hoped that maybe it meant there was something between them.

But now, standing there, seeing how her eyes affectionately watched Midoriya, he was more certain than ever of his status as her friend – only her friend. Opening up the bag she had given him as well, his face warmed.

Midoriya popped the chocolate in his mouth and grinned. “Chocolate chip mint? It’s so sweet, too! You did amazing!”

Sorann’s eyes sparkled. “I made extras, too. So you can have more if you really liked it. I made a whole batch just for you.”

Now Midoriya’s eyes were twinkling.

Sorann turned to Kirishima and smiled at him. Just seeing that glow made his own smile fill his face from ear to ear. She asked, “What do you think?”

Kirishima popped a couple of his treats in his mouth. “Chocolate covered coffee beans. Delicious. Just what I need for my workouts.”

“I’m so happy you like them!” She took their hands. “Guys wanna celebrate Valentines Day by going for dinner? My treat.”

Midoriya gasped, “But shouldn’t the guy pay?”

“Don’t be so old school. I wanna do this.” She grinned.

“If you insist.” Midoriya agreed. “But then let me pay next time.”

“Okay, sounds fair!” She sang as she prodded them out.

Akane was slower packing up her bag than normal. She kept pausing to smile at the pile of dead flowers that were floating around with her books.

When Todoroki noticed her hesitation, he decided to take his chance. “Akane. Can I ask? About the flowers?” When Akane looked confused, he explained, “I overheard Ashido talking to Kaminari and Sero saying that the flowers were actually from Bakugou. But. He’s not a total idiot. Why would he give you...such garbage flowers?”

Akane’s gaze softened and she giggled softly. “Do you have time? Come with me.”

“Isn’t - “ Todoroki stopped and looked around, seeing that no one was left in class – not even Bakugou. “Bakugou didn’t wait? Isn’t it - “

Akane took his hand. “Just come on.” She led him out of school, onto the subway, and to the park where they had first met. But instead of going into the park, she pulled him along behind the fence and pushes that surrounded it. To their right was the play ground and wooded area where Akane had been found as a child, but in front of them, on the other side of the fence, was a large open field where kids would play soccer, football, or any games their heart desired.

But today, this moment, Bakugou was standing in that field. He threw his hand out, creating several light explosions that blew up the flowers and sent them fluttering around in the air. He caught several of them, collecting them up in a bundle.

Todoroki blinked, “He’s... blowing them up on purpose?”

“That’s right.” Akane answered. “All of those flowers he gives me are from this field. But there’s a story why.”

Bakugou kicked a ball around, showing his moves off to Midoriya and couple other kids. As he was doing that, a few more came rushing up.

Akane was sitting at the bottom of the slide, listening to them as she drew pictures in the sand.

“Hey Kacchan! Guess what we heard!” They yelled.

Bakugou was thrown off his game and missed catching the ball with his foot. He shouted at them, “Way to screw me up guys!”

All of them were about five years old.

The boys begged forgiveness before carrying on. “My mom said that today is Valentines day or something!”

Bakugou huffed. “Yeah? So what?”

“So...! Mom said that you’re supposed to give girls flowers and confessions!” They explained. They then held up a ton of flowers they plucked from the nearby field.

Bakugou grumbled. “I’m not a girl you idiots.”

“Not for you!” They stated before brushing by and taking them to Akane.

Akane blinked in surprise at the flowers being shoved in her face. The first guy stated, “I ate a worm once!”

The other, “I didn’t do my homework one day so I told my teacher my dog ate it!”

Bakugou erupted between them, setting off a couple explosions, “What are you two idiots doing!?”

“We just told you...!” They argued.

Bakugou snarled, “Well you can’t give them to Akane! Find another girl!”

“Whyyyy?” They pleaded. “We don’t know any of the other girls!”

��I don’t care!” He seethed. He yanked the flowers out of their hands. “None of you are giving Akane the flowers.” He blew them up.

Akane pouted at Bakugou. “Katsu...!”

The guys fanned their hands. “No worries. There’s more over there.” They hurried back to the field.

They didn’t get very far before Bakugou grabbed them both by the backs of their shirts and yanked them back. He stormed ahead and then started blowing up all the flowers in the field. “I’ll show you guys! I’ll just blow up every single flower there is!”

The guys sighed and groaned. One of them rubbed their head. “Man... Kacchan is too harsh. We just wanted to have fun.”

Akane watched them head off before she walked to the edge of the playground and glared at Bakugou as he continued his raid on the field. Akane shouted over his explosions, “Katsuuu!!!”

He glared at her, “What!?”

She demaned, “Why couldn’t they give me flowers?”

He huffed, “Because no one can give you flowers!”

“Why!?”

He grumbled more quietly, “Cause it means they like you and I don’t like that...”

Akane puffed her cheeks. “Well I wanted to get flowers! If I’m supposed to get flowers on Valentines Day then I want them!”

“Then only I can give them to you.” He shouted, yanking up a couple of the exploded flowers and shoving them into her hands. “Here’s your flowers! Happy? If you want flowers, then you’ll get flowers! But I’ll get them! Don’t accept them from anyone else.”

Akane stared at the broken, dead flowers in her hands and suddenly a silly smile came to her lips. “I like them best when you give them to me, anyway...”

He blinked and his cheeks turned rosey at the sight of that bright smile.

In that moment he knew that he would have to make sure to get her flowers every single year on that day so he could see that joyful look on her face.

“Um...” Todoroki mumbled.

Akane giggled, “It doesn’t make sense to you, huh?” Her gaze softened as she watched Bakugou continue to collect up flowers. “There’s significance to us. At least to me and I think he notices that. What I mean is...in that story... maybe he sounds like an asshole to anyone who hears it. But to me... that was my first sight of jealous Katsu...and to keep my attention on him, he decided that he would be the one to give me flowers. Simply because it’s what I wanted. To me... my interpretation...was that he would give me what he could... even if it was broken and damage...he was going to give it to me.”

Todoroki’s eyes widened a bit.

“The year after that...” Akane stated, “He collected up flowers and asked me to meet him here on the playground. He jokingly gave me the exploded ones...but...I loved it. I told him that they were just how I liked them. Then after that...I got these blown up flowers every day all day on Valentines Day. He’s never forgotten...and never even complains. So it’s become a tradition. One that I’m actually pretty fond of. The two of us aren’t some... fairy tale couple and we don’t pretend to be. But... we are two kids madly in love...He’s always trying to prove himself to me... and I to him. So it’s fine that... no one else understands the flower thing. I don’t need anyone to.”

Todoroki’s gaze softened. “The two of you... continue to impress me. You both... understand everything about each other...and your feelings surprass anything I thought possible. I’m... insanely jealous of Bakugou.”

She offered him a sad smile. “Sorry Sho-kun.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. I can see... in moments like this...where he actually understands what makes you happy where no one else can. The two of you are good together.” He placed his hand on her back and tipped his head. “I’m going to head home, then. I hope you have a good evening. Happy Valentines’ Day.”

Akane nodded her head. “You too. Are you going to see your mom?”

“Yes.”

“Tell her hi for me. Take care.”

After Todoroki left, she made her way around the fence and shed her backpack at the edge of the playground with Bakugou’s. She trotted along the playground until she to the field where Bakugou turned and faced her.

She smiled, “Sorry I’m late.”

He grumbled, “Thought maybe you’d forgotten...”

“How could I forget?” She asked. “It’s my favorite tradition!”

His eyes widened a bit before looking away. “I wasn’t sure...if since we’re a couple now... I was supposed to do some of those stupid sappy things like chocolates or stuffed bears or whatever the fuck they’re supposed to do.”

Akane tipped her head. “I thought you said yourself that we’d actually been a couple this whole time?”

He shouted, “Of course we have! But it’s more... official now or whatever!”

She hummed. “That’s true.” She stepped up to him and tipped her head up so their foreheads could come together. The second she did, the growling in his throat stopped and he seemed to relax. She assured, “I don’t want things to be different as a couple. I love the way our relationship is – the teasing, taunting, play fighting, all of it. And your flowers are perfect...”

He huffed. “Well if you ever get sick of it... tell me. Cause I’m gonna keep doing it otherwise.”

“I’ll let you know if that day ever comes.” She started to lean up to kiss him but instead, he gently pushed her back a step.

He held out the boquet of dead flowers and looked away, his cheeks pink all the way to his ears. “H-Happy Valentines’ Day...and I... love you... or... wh-whatever...”

Akane giggled and brightly at him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the flowers he’d given her throughout the day and showed him that she strung them together like a tiara of wilted flowers. She placed it on her head before taking the boquet. “I love you more than anything, Katsuki Bakugou. Always be my Valentine, okay?”

“Yeah whatever...” He growled.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped into his arms, kissing him suddenly and passionately. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her up to him as he carried her to the swings where they spent their evening talking and eating snacks like they did every year.

Every year that sat in front of the spot where he had found her and saved her life the first time.

Where he had given her everything she had now.

When her Valentine had first become her hero.

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugo #bakugou #katsuki #fanfic #fanfiction

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justpeachyshua · 6 years

Text

good luck

pairing: hoshi x reader rating/warnings: teen+ for language; no warnings au: college au?? word count: 4,045 summary: “Ever since my first date, I’ve had the absolute worst luck when it comes to relationships. Bad dates, lying, cheating - I’ve seen it all. So, I decided to give up dating completely. It’s just better that way. No hurting, no heartbreak. I’ve strictly stuck by this rule for years now. That is, until I ran into a particularly spunky dancer on campus.”

note: so uhhh, I should definitely point out that I haven’t posted in months and that this was supposed to be for hoshi’s bday but it’s.... definitely way past that. but it’s done ya know! I’d like to believe that the quality maybe makes up for how late it is. It’s worth noting that over the summer I was on kind of a hiatus since I was in japan for a month and, now that school’s going on, updates are probably gonna be even slower, at least for longer fics like these. that being said, I’m gonna try branching out and making shorter imagines, maybe even some bulleted ones? just so I can post more often without my content being actual shit lmao. anyways enjoy the fic <3

I've never been the type of person who was good at dating. In fact, I'm fairly confident that some force in this universe was entirely dead set on making sure that every single relationship I entered ended in disaster. It all started in 6th grade when a classmate of mine asked me to watch a movie with him. I was all done up, wearing an outfit I had bought only the day before, and yet halfway through the movie, I felt something come up my throat and before I knew it I was vomiting onto the floor in front of me due to the sheer amount of caffeine, sugar, and nerves running through me. In sophomore year, I got my first real boyfriend, but that relationship lasted about a week before he revealed that he asked me out as a dare and couldn't bring himself to break up with me until then. This pattern of misfortune only continued through high school with various failed dates and boyfriends who lied and cheated. At some point, I got sick of it and, after graduating, I vowed to give up on dating completely.

From then on, I avoided romance like the plague. If anyone seemed to like me or even asked me out, I would gently let them down. I made sure that close friendships were just friendships and that I never led anyone on. At least, I tried. You see, for the first time in my life, there was an exception to my rule. Towards the beginning of my freshman year of college, Kwon Soonyoung stepped, or rather crashed, into my life.

I was a few yards away from the entrance to the dorms and I was rushing inside to retrieve a textbook from a friend, when someone ran right into me, knocking me down. I fell against my bag with a thud and, looking up, I saw the small wheels of a... Razor scooter? The person riding the scooter – a young guy with floppy black hair – had fallen, too, and I could see that he had scraped his knee on the concrete.

"Are you okay?!" The guy crawled up to me, still on the ground. He looked me over, checking to see if I was injured with a comically concerned face.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it," I assured him. "What about you, though? Is your knee okay?"

I pointed to his scraped knee which was already beginning to bleed. He looked down, noticing the wound and, to my surprise, laughed. "I'll be okay! It happens all the time when I'm practicing." Before I could ask him what he meant, he added, "Which reminds me!" He shoved a flyer into my hands. "You should come see the dance team's performance tonight!"

I turned the flyer over, revealing a hand-drawn night sky with a large star in the center, containing the information for the performance. It was endearing. "Did you do this?"

"Ah no, my friend Mingyu did, actually. He's an art major so we asked him to design the flyers for us. I'm just the leader of the team," he explained, a large grin ever present on his face.

"Oh." I folded the flyer and stuffed it into my bag. I stood up, offered my hand to the guy, and helped him up. "I'll see if I can go." My eyes landed on his scooter again. "Uh, what’s the scooter for?"

"It's a faster way to get around," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm pretty new with it, though, so I need to get better at riding it."

"Well, good luck with that. Try not to run into anyone else today," I said, turning to enter the dorm again.

"Oh wait!" He called out. "What's your name? I'll put you on the VIP list. For, you know, accidentally running into you."

"It's Y/N. What's yours?"

"Soonyoung! But when I'm performing, call me Hoshi!" His grin grew wider and spread to his eyes, which shut into half-moons. The brightness in his eyes was captivating and his happiness was infectious, so much so that I practically forgot about our little crash entirely.

"See you later then, Hoshi." I waved him goodbye and finally went inside the dorm as I planned.

After I finished my last class that night, I decided to attend the performance and, to my amazement, Soonyoung was spectacular. He had kept his word of putting me on the "VIP list," though I found out when I got there that I was the only one on the list and that there wasn't really a list to begin with, just a simple promise. Before the show began, someone from the team (who I presumed to be a long-time member) brought Soonyoung out on stage, after which he gave a small introduction and revealed that he choreographed the whole show. I seemed to be the only one in the audience that was shocked at this and I was only further impressed when I saw the choreography itself. As soon as the team stepped on stage together and began their first song, my eyes were locked on Soonyoung – Hoshi in this setting – who was front and center. His moves were simultaneously fluid and powerful and unlike any dancing I had seen before. I began to wonder if he was secretly a professional choreographer masked as a college student.

When the performance ended, I was the first to approach him and congratulate him on his job well done, going on and on about the quality of the show. He seemed ecstatic, his face lighting up ten times brighter than it was earlier in the day.

"So, you'll come to our next performance, right? It'll be a couple of months from now." He asked with the widest smile on his face.

I nodded. "Sure." I pulled my phone out of my bag. "Here, put your number in my phone and let me know about the next performance." He took my phone and quickly typed in his number before handing it back to me. I noticed he had put it in as "Kwon Hoshi ☆" and I couldn’t help but laugh.

"I'll make sure I remind you of everything we do, don't worry!" He beamed. "You know, I think we're going to be good friends."

"I think so too."

That was years ago and, in the time between then and now, we really had become great friends. He convinced me to become the manager of the dance team, though that just meant giving them song suggestions and feedback when they practiced and lounging around with them when they hung out outside of meetings. Through that, I managed to make a ton more friends than I was anticipating, including the other "founders" of the team, Minghao, Jun, and Chan. The five of us became extremely close and, before I knew it, we were drinking together, spilling secrets, and having movie nights every week. Soonyoung especially became my best friend with him often spending the night at my apartment off-campus and even exchanging clothes with me sometimes.

He was a grade ahead of me, so I had to watch him graduate a year before I did. Admittedly, a lot of tears were shed, but he came back the very next year to cheer for me as I crossed the stage with my degree. After that, we decided we might as well become roomies as we figured shit out and he officially moved into my tiny apartment, taking what used to be the guest room. We've been living together for about a year and a half now and, over the course of this time, I've come dangerously close to loving Kwon Soonyoung.

What used to be small, cute mannerisms when we were in college have become all too alluring now that it's just the two of us. Before, neither of us would really cook when he was over and instead just order chicken and pizza, but now that he lives here full-time, I've noticed how he talks to himself as he figures out online recipes. When he styles his hair every morning, he always asks how it looks and I always push a few stray hairs away before I tell him he looks cool. Often, he'll wake up and walk straight to the kitchen without his pants on because he took them off before sleeping and forgot to put them on again. I don't stare, of course, but I can't ignore it either. Of course, the other guys do come by and make it feel like the old days again, but I can never shake the image of him falling asleep on the coach after a long night of watching anime or him dancing around the living room as he brushes his teeth. Everything he does totes the line between goofy and charming and it has me falling for him harder than I’d like to be.

Which brings me to a very important day: Soonyoung's birthday. See, for as long as we've been friends, Soonyoung and I have always made each other's birthdays as stellar as possible. One year I took him to paint a giant mural with me; The next year he took me bungee jumping. Generally, we tried to one up what we did the year before or at least do something equally as spectacular This year, however, I did something different. For his last birthday I had taken him to a SHINee fansign and had already planned to take him to Japan the next year, but I ended up changing my mind. This year, I instead decided to go on a simple picnic with Soonyoung. This decision came partially from the lack of funds for plane tickets and partially from one desire: To finally tell Soonyoung my thoughts on dating. For as long as we’d been friends, I had never quite opened to him about my fear of dating and, even considering how endearing and comfortable he was, I had to set some sort of boundary to prevent misfortune. So, it was decided. I would have to make our relationship clear – just friends, no feelings. At least, I hoped.

When he woke up that morning (wearing his pajama pants for once), I was already awake and making breakfast for the both of us. He sniffed the air and instantly became more alert. "Pancakes? You're spoiling me." He rushed over to sit at the island counter. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

I placed the last finished pancake onto a plate and carried it over to him, setting a bottle of syrup in front of him as well. "Well, I was thinking we could just have a chill day and maybe go on a picnic at the park nearby?"

He looked up at me, scanning my face for any sign that I was joking. When he saw that I was completely serious, he silently nodded. "Awesome! What time should we go?" I could tell he wanted to ask why we weren't going all out this year, but he probably sensed that it would've been an awkward thing to pry about. I didn't want to disappoint him, so I hoped that he would at least enjoy today's activities.

"Maybe around 1:00?" I checked my phone, seeing that it was only 10:28. "That gives us about two and a half hours before then."

"Sounds good, then." He smiled before digging into the pancakes in front of him. He let out a long and satisfied sigh. "God, these are so good." I only grinned as I watched him eat, slowly picking at a plate of my own.

Within a few minutes we were both finished, and I took his plate to put in the sink. He padded over to the couch and I soon joined him, plopping down in the crevice I'd made from sitting in that exact spot for over two years. "By the way, I'm going to need you to leave the house for at least an hour before we leave."

He whipped his head towards me. "Aha! So there is a catch!"

"What?"

"You're planning something special for me, aren't you? That's why you want me out of the house, right? So you can bring a whole bunch of people in. Or better yet! You're bringing a dog home!" He exclaimed.

"I’m- I’m sorry, Soonyoung. No, I just need the time to make the food for the picnic and to get some things together. It's a surprise so I don't want you to see it.”

He became visibly more disappointed, albeit by just a bit. "Oh. That's okay. I'm sure I'll love whatever we do." He gave me his usual toothy smile. "I could see about hanging out with Chan for a bit to give you time."

"Thanks. And let him know he left some socks here the last time he stopped by."

"You got it," he said, already messaging Chan and beginning to get ready. "I'll be out of your hair in a bit. Just let me know when you're done!"

Within a few minutes, he was out of the door and I was left to begin my plan. I had already gotten a few recipes from my mom on a terribly long phone call the night before and cooking it took about an hour on its own, so the rest of the time was spent gathering everything else such as fruit, chips, drinks, and of course the crucial basket and blanket. At that point, I still had about 40 minutes remaining, so I found myself scrolling on my phone and becoming increasingly worried as my thoughts roamed. What if the food spills in the basket and we don’t have anything to eat? What if he has a secret allergy he never told me about and he goes into anaphylactic shock because of something I made? What if he ends our friendship after I tell him how I feel? The whole point of my plan is so I can avoid ruining our friendship, but what if that’s exactly what happens? What if he has feelings for me?

My phone pinged with a new text, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Kwon Hoshi ☆: hey! you almost ready? I can start heading back anytime you want~

I was relieved to be pulled out of my mental spiral. Looking at his message, I smiled at the squiggly he so often used when texting. It was cute and somehow evoked the exact tone he spoke with in person. I wanted to be able to hear that for a while, especially after today.

Me: hey, yeah I’m all done. you can come back now. just meet me at the entrance to the park, ok?

Kwon Hoshi ☆: you got it!!

The walk to the park took only a couple of minutes and, once I arrived, I sat on the neartest bench and waited for Soonyoung to walk up any second. Twenty minutes passed by, then thirty, then fifty, and soon well over an hour had passed and I was still sat there. No messages. No Soonyoung. Plenty of people had passed by – families with small children, a few groups of teenagers looking to play some sports in the open fields, and couples walking along the path, hands intertwined. I tried not to watch.

Finally, once I was about ready to give up and just head home, I heard someone shout my name from a few yards away. It was Soonyoung, out of breath and jogging towards me.

“Soonyoung, are you okay? Where have you been?”

“I was,” Pant. “In the car with Chan,” Pant. “He was driving me back.” Pant. “And I-”

“Okay, you need to sit down and catch your breath, you’re breathing way too hard right now.”

He sat and took a moment to calm down. “There was a huge accident that happened right in front of us. Someone completely swerved out of their lane and crashed into another car. So, for a while, we were in shock. At that point, my phone was dead because my charger stopped working while I was at Chan’s. Anyways, traffic was so bad that we were there for like twenty minutes just waiting to go past this super busy intersection that was all clogged up. In the end, Chan said I should just get out of the car and walk to the park since he’d probably be there a while. The walk took me a while, but I’m here now.”

“Sooyoung that’s- that’s crazy. I’m really sorry that all happened.” I had to take a few seconds to comprehend all that he had recounted to me. There was a very visceral, very unnerving feeling within me at that moment. Something was telling me that this wasn’t going to go well.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m super late and you’ve probably been sitting here for so long after you went through all the trouble to make food and everything.” But then again, with Soonyoung’s radiating optimism, I’m sure I’ll be able to get over it.

“It’s all good.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m just glad you’re here now. Now come on, we should find a good spot to sit.”

We walked, gazing at the various photo-esque locations and quickly finding their flaws: a cute spot under the shade of a tree (too many bugs), a spot with some breeze by the stream (uncomfortable rocks and uneven terrain), a spot on the stone in front of a water fountain (as cute as they were, too many screaming, jumping kids). Yet finally, as we approached the far end of the park, we found the quaintest, quietest, most peaceful spot in the grass. It was sunny and warm and surrounded by yards of bright flowers. We agreed to settle there and placed our blanket down, beginning to unpack our lunch.

I found my initial bad impression begin to fade as we calmly ate, going in and out of conversation and generally just enjoying the other’s presence. Despite the simplicity of the meal, Soonyoung continuously reminded me how much he loved it. I was pleased to hear his compliments even if I did deny them. Soon enough we were finished with the food and I was reading the newest novel I had bought, picking back up from where I left off. In the cool and comfortable atmosphere, it almost felt as though we were one of the many couples in the park that day, enjoying a nice day out in the sun together, in love. I could see how a random passerby could glance at us and think, “Ah, what a cute date.” After all, with Soonyoung’s head laying on my lap as I read out loud to him, he did sort of look like my boyfriend. The entire time my eyes were fixed to the page as I focused on following the story and adding voices to each character for entertainment’s sake, but I took a pause for once to look down at Soonyoung. He was looking directly at me, eyes peering into my own, and I suddenly felt very vulnerable under his gaze.

“Soonyoung, I have to tell you something.”

Plop. Right in the middle of Soonyoung’s forehead landed a drop of water. Plop plop plop. Quickly, the rain began to fall and spiraled into a thunderstorm within seconds. Soonyoung jumped up as I rushed to throw my book and all our containers into the basket and run for cover, using the picnic blanket to shield the both of us. The other parkgoers also hurried to find a spot to stay dry and, evidently, we were left with nowhere to go.

“Let’s try to catch a bus home!” Soonyoung suggested. I nodded, and we sprinted to the stop outside the park entrance, dodging the rain under a couple of trees along the way.

“You have got to be kidding me!” I shouted. Just outside the gates was a bus, empty and unmoving, with about ten bus drivers with varying degrees of intense protests written on picket signs.

“Shit, how could I forget? Bus drivers have been on strike all week, there’s no way we’re gonna convince them to bring us home.”

By now we had been out in the rain for at least four minutes and we were drenched despite our efforts to protect ourselves with the blanket. I should have known. Soonyoung being late in the first place was the first red flag, but I chose to ignore it. I chose to ignore it because I knew I was enjoying what we had, pretending we were a couple. It was so incredibly selfish. It was selfish the way I let myself get caught up in the moment. It was selfish the way I let my bad luck get in the way. It was selfish the way I ruined Soonyoung’s birthday by making it all about me.

I kept my head down in shame. While my body was freezing cold, my eyes began to burn with tears. I willed them to stay back but I couldn’t stop them, and so they fell and I heaved.

He turned to me and began to rub my back. “Hey, are you okay?”

I sobbed then. “I’m sorry, Soonyoung. I wanted to make your birthday nice, but I just ruined it.”

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, this was supposed to be your day. Today was supposed to be special. I was supposed to take you to Japan and instead we’re stuck here in the rain, freezing our asses off,” I choked out.

Looking up, I saw his brow furrow into an unreadable expression. “Maybe we don’t have to be.” He shrugged the blanket off his shoulder, wrapping it around my head, and gently grabbed my hand. In a spontaneous burst of energy not uncommon to Soonyoung, he took off in a run with me trailing behind. He dragged me to the nearest store awning and plucked an umbrella from the bin beside the door.

“Soonyoung, what are you doing?” I asked.

“Just follow my lead.”

With a flourish, he pushed the umbrella open, held it over his head, and sprang out onto the street with a splash. He motioned back to the bin, urging me to grab an umbrella for myself. I hesitantly pulled one out and opened it before joining Soonyoung on the street. He grabbed my hand once again and led me into a simple dance. As we moved about, we kicked up large splashes of rain on the street below us. We spun around, making large strides from side to side and twirling the handles of our umbrellas. Once we were both completely out of breath, we returned to the store awning.

I regulated my breathing before starting. “Now what was all that about?”

“I wanted to show you that this day hasn’t been completely ruined. Even if it’s pouring, we can still have a good time if we’re together.” He took my hand in his once more, this time clasping both of his hands around it. They were comfortably and unusually warm considering the current weather conditions. “I say we head home with these umbrellas and make some frozen pizza. What do you think?”

“That sounds pretty good.” I couldn’t help but smile. “But I still feel pretty shitty about today. I- I don’t exactly have the best luck with these kinds of things.”

The corner of his lips tugged into a sympathetic grin. “Don’t worry about it.” He gingerly pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. “This is the best birthday date I could ask for.”

And in that moment, I came to accept what I had with Kwon Soonyoung, my best friend, my roommate, and the object of my affection. After all these years of letting guys into my life and repeatedly getting knocked down, I found the one boy who could quell those worries. I found the one boy who could step up to the universe and tell it to fuck right off as he danced away in the middle of a thunderstorm. I found the one boy who I finally felt lucky to have.

#hello this took me like 4 months to finish #bc im an actual piece of shit haha #but yes i'll try to write shorter things to update more frequently #seventeen #svt #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen fic #svt fic #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #hoshi imagine #hoshi fanfic #hoshi fic #hoshi seventeen

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irkimatsu · 4 years

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irksinbin anon) ahh thank you! If it isn't on twitter (I have a feeling it isn't since it's an ask answer), could you paste what you said about creating nsfw fics for beginners? i was the original asker of that post and used to look to it for inspiration.

First off, apologies for taking so long to answer this! I’ve actually been trying to find this post, and I’m not sure I’m finding the right one...?

I’ve copied two “maybe could be it” posts under the cut. If neither of these are right, do you remember any phrases I could use to search by? I really do wanna help you out with this!

(discussion of smut under the cut, nothing too explicit but you know, maybe keep out if you’re under 18)

Anonymous: in regards to #justsaydick I also kinda think that even with erotica, culturally up until like the last decade or two (hell if I know) in maybe mainstream stuff the saying of genitals or even things regarding sex was kind of frown on or people were more so embarrassed about saying it like it was. So you had to come up with adjectives to otherwise saying dick, cock or penis. But yeah, #justsaydick

Yeah, this is a very valid point. People can write about sex, but they can’t, you know, write about sex, that’s *whispers* dirty. So instead they disguise it in such flowery language that you can barely tell what’s happening at all.

That’s probably another part about why complicated euphemisms bother me. There’s nothing wrong with finding sex uncomfortable. I totally understand that and think all sexual content should be opt-in, not opt-out. Don’t just cram unannounced sex scenes into things. But if you are gonna write a sex scene… just write the sex scene! “I want to write about sex, but I don’t want to be dirty about it” doesn’t seem like it’d really please anyone, except perhaps similar people who are interested in reading about sex but don’t want to admit to themselves that they are. And that’s an unfortunate mindset to have, borne from society’s promotion of sex as something somehow simultaneously perfect and evil…

There are times were “cock” won’t work, I do admit that. I fling it around in stuff like gross monster porn, but it never feels right for me in more tender scenes that are more about the emotions than the act. But even then, there are better ways around that than “engorged pleasure center”. Yikes. My own tactic is to try to word things so I don’t have to call it anything at all, we all know how sex works, but I’m sure there are other options that are still better than that.

…and in the interest of fairness, I’d also like to point out that #justsaydick goes the other way around, because the euphemisms can also be too crass rather than too vague. You haven’t cried until you’ve read an anal scene that tries to unironically use the phrase “Hershey Highway.” please just say asshole. that shit’s no better

----

Anonymous: yo i love your stuff and i have filthy fics to upload but its my first time and im not sure if uploading them to my usually fluffy account would be good aaaa. at the same time though i want people to know about it. thoughts?

First of all, thank you for the compliment! <3

I say knowing your follower base would be good - what kind of fandoms do you normally post? If you run a primarily OsoSan blog, posting NSFW shouldn’t be too bad because it’s an R-rated show anyway. I know that young teens do watch it, but still, it feels like a less abrupt switch from fluff to smut on an OsoSan blog than it would on something more aimed at a younger audience, and I would hope that most young teens would know that this fandom is mainly an adults’ playground and they need to be careful not to accidentally stumble or purposely sneak into attractions not meant for them. If you think you might have a younger fanbase, though, especially if your blog is for a fandom meant for a younger fanbase and care shouldn’t be so necessary for them, then I suggest making a sideblog. In either case, maybe you can make the sideblog and then link it from the main blog so people have to click a link before getting thwacked in the face with smut? Wherever you post it, then as long as you tag/warn appropriately, you should be good. For me personally, I used to post relatively tame NSFW on my main blog under copious amounts of text warnings and read more cuts, but once I started getting more into kink and wanted to start reblogging pictures, that’s when I made this blog, briefly linked to it from my main, and now I only give it out on request just because I want to at least try to keep under-18s out of here.

In any case, I encourage you to follow your filthy dreams and post them somewhere! I’m sure there’s people out there who want to read them, especially if they’ve already given positive reception to your smut!

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starlight-matrix · 6 years

Text

Caffè Mocha & Ristretto

Here’s my Voltron Secret Santa fic, for @shouberry!! This is for the @voltron-ss and goddamn, I’m so proud of this fic. Shouberry, you gave me a Good set of prompts to work off of, and with help from some friends, I shaped them into what is honestly one of the best fics I’ve written (and I’ve written many).

Pair: Keith/Lance Rating: Teen & Up (for language)

Can’t Take It In - Imogen Heap / AO3 Version

Chapter One For All That’s To Come...

Lance loves his job.

Scratch that, Lance really loves his job. Just saying he loves it isn't enough, and even saying he really loves it isn't enough either, honestly. There's simply too many reasons to love working at Mouse Circus Coffee for him to accurately describe exactly why he loves it, though that may also be because there simply isn't just one reason why he loves it.

Needless to say, Lance loves his job.

Mouse Circus Coffee is a quaint cafe that perhaps should have had more thought put into its name, because it serves much more than just coffee. It's a cafe, but so incredibly unique; one could treat it like a Starbucks: come in, order your preferred drink and odd pastry, and leave. Or, one could treat it like a small restaurant or diner: find an empty seat, peruse the menu until a server comes to accomodate you, enjoy your chosen meal, and leave an hour later with a tip stuck in the spiral of the little metal stand that holds the special brochure.

This uniqueness is one of the things that brought Lance to Mouse Circus Coffee in the first place (though the fact that his college roommate works there was a large part of the motivation to visit; as if the offer of decent coffee within walking distance of his college campus wasn't motivation enough).

However, there are so many other things that led him to wanting to stay. Like how the cushions on the dusted rose armchairs are shaped like mice, and that the only lights that are ever on in the cafe are fairy lights hung on every wall, and how the regulars are the sweetest, most good-natured of people despite the fact that most of them survive on just caffeine alone.

When Lance first inquired about getting a job at Mouse Circus Coffee, Hunk - his relatively new college roommate and self-proclaimed best friend - had been positively ecstatic. Lance sometimes wonders if perhaps his chances of actually getting the job would have been lower had he not befriended the establishment's beloved chef, but then he thinks no way, because he knows Allura would not have hired him at all had she not seen promise in him, whether he was friends with her chef or not.

Allura Altea, the owner of Mouse Circus Coffee and the reason for its mouse theme, is the kind of person who never fails to impress Lance in one way or another. She inherited the cafe when her parents unfortunately passed away, and has done such a stellar job of maintaining the place that Lance dares to say Mouse Circus Coffee is the only cafe in the city he'd ever want to frequent, partly because he knows he'll never be able to settle for any other chain's product now that he's sampled perfection.

Allura, with her British accent and perfectly styled curls and wonderful management skills, had hardly interviewed Lance at all before deciding he was fit to be an employee in her cafe. She'd had him make a simple order after showing him the basics of the equipment, and when the result was deemed satisfactory, she'd handed him a t-shirt the same color as the armchairs with mouse-shaped cushions on them and said, “Welcome to the circus.”

Lance is actually quite proud of how quickly he's melded himself to the clockwork of Mouse Circus Coffee. It's hardly been a week since he first started working each afternoon, yet he feels like he knows all his coworkers and customers better than anyone else in his life who isn't related to him by blood.

“One Americano with two extra shots of espresso and extra cream, and two croissants with raspberry filling. Will that be all for you today?”

“Ah, I'd like to get some coffee art, in my Americano. A cat, perhaps?”

Lance gives the older woman a sympathetic smile, sad in knowing he'll have to turn her down when there's such an excited sparkle in her eyes. “I'm sorry, but the employee who does the coffee art is actually away for the week. None of the other employees know how to do it.”

“I see. That's alright, though I can't deny I'm a little disappointed.”

“You're not the first person to say that. I've only been working here for a week and I've had someone ask me for coffee art at least five times every day.”

“Well, it is the reason I chose to come here. I've heard it's quite famous.”

“Yeah, our coffee art has gotten quite popular. I hope you like it here enough to come back though, our coffee artist will probably be here next time you come in. Anyway, will that be all for today?"

The woman nods, and Lance gives her another smile before hurrying off to fulfill her order. He lets out an exasperated sigh. The number of times people have asked for coffee art is unreal, and he hates having to turn them all down when every single person who's asked has had the same sparkle in their eyes as this woman did.

Lance has only heard stories about the famed Coffee Art Guy. He doesn't know his name, because despite how many times he's heard about the guy from his coworkers, they never seem to slip his name out, and Lance hasn't asked for it. He doesn't know why they haven't said his name; it could could be some secret, the never-reveal-coffee-art-guy’s identity pact for all he knows.

After all, Lance has only been working at Mouse Circus Coffee for a week, and while he likes to think he knows his coworkers pretty well by now, the simple truth is that he really doesn't.

(With the exception of Hunk, that is. But that's only because they live together, and there's a certain kind of intimacy that comes with living together which makes a difference in a relationship, no matter how long you've actually known each other.)

Lance shuffles past their resident coffee genius, Pidge, when he gets behind the counter, grabbing a cup off the stack and handing it to her as he passes, opting to move a little quicker when he catches sight of the crease in her brow and the long line of customers in the to-go queue.

Coran is working the register while Pidge churns out orders, and Lance would suggest Coran help her if he didn't know just how disastrous that would actually be. There's a very good reason why Coran isn't allowed to touch any edible product in the cafe, and the memory of how the cappuccino machine had exploded into an inorganic black mess the third day of working here makes Lance shudder as he makes his way to the pastry display.

Lance pops two of Hunk’s prized raspberry-filled croissants in the toaster oven and moves to Pidge's side, waiting for her to finish her current order and shuffle out of the way before he starts on his own. They twirl around each other like some sort of effortless dance fueled purely by the instinct not to run into each other, which would result in the spilling of scalding hot beverages and an excessive amount of uncouth swearing that would likely earn them a lecture from Hunk and Allura on professionalism.

“Hey Lance, can you pass me the- thanks.” Pidge doesn't get to finish her question before a can of whipped cream is in her hands. Lance doesn't have to say anything at all before she's sliding the nozzle for hot cream over into his waiting cup. He hands her the chocolate shavings, and she opens the toaster oven that is now beeping incessantly so he can pull out the two croissants and add them to his tray alongside the Americano (that is, unfortunately, very much free of coffee art).

Lance does a spin to keep his tray from bumping Pidge and brings the contents of it to the old woman, who thanks him politely, and proceeds to take a long drink of her coffee that would make anyone else flinch at the temperature of it. Lance goes off to serve the next table, where he is once again forced to explain why they can't actually give anyone coffee art until the weekend, when Coffee Art Guy is supposed to return.

Lance, despite having only worked at Mouse Circus Coffee for a week - exactly a week as of today, in fact - knows the names of all the regulars who visit during his afternoon shifts, and as of today, he's proud to say that he has officially memorized all of their orders, so long as none of them change it suddenly. He's always been good at memorizing things, as much as he dislikes constant repetition and routine, which is a skill that he praises when three regulars in a row come up in the to-go queue during the evening rush. (Why a cafe known specifically for good coffee and coffee art is so busy at 5 PM in the evening, Lance may never understand.)

The whole cafe is working hard to keep up with the crowd. Lance is manning the register, helping Hunk and Pidge churn out drinks like an industrial machine endlessly creating product, Allura and Coran are waiting on tables and delivering the orders that he, Hunk, and Pidge make to keep the wait line at the end of the counter from blocking the way.

There's no one to stay in the kitchen, since Hunk is needed out front and Allura is the only other person on shift who's allowed into the sacred temple, and chaos ensues whenever one of them has to go get more of whatever item they're out of and leaves the rest of the staff one member down for however many minutes it takes to locate said item.

It's busy, and they're all working hard, and everyone is relieved when the clock hits 5:30 and the crowd starts to thin, until it's only the exasperated college students who come in needing caffeine to get them through their all-night cram sessions.

“Damn, I'm impressed. You memorized the names and orders of all our afternoon regulars?” Pidge asks during a free moment.

Everyone has gone back to their normal stations now that the rush is over; Hunk retreating into the kitchen to test out a new cookie recipe, Coran and Allura to the back office, presumably to work out the cafe’s bills. The only customers in the cafe right now have already been served and are simply enjoying their drinks in comfort, and all the tables and floors are clean, so Lance and Pidge are taking the moment of peace to chat.

“Yeah,” Lance answers. “I've always been good at memorizing things. It's the only reason I passed my high school exams, to be honest.”

Pidge nods in both sympathy and understanding and leans back against the counter, sipping her flat white espresso while Lance works on refilling their sprinkles containers, somehow managing not to spill anything.

“Pidge, ask me how many times I was asked if the Coffee Art Guy is back yet today.”

“No.” Pidge says immediately.

“Ask me.”

“No.”

“Ask me. Please.”

“How many times were you asked if the Coffee Art Guy is back yet today, Lance?” Pidge says, more as a statement than an actual question.

“Seven times. Seven times, Pidge!” Lance exclaims, throwing his hands in the air indignantly, pouting when Pidge just laughs at him. “Just how famous is this guy, anyway?”

“I dunno, people just seem to really enjoy the fact that he makes cute cat faces in cream. To be honest, I doubt he even realizes that people come here specifically to buy coffee art.”

“Will I ever get to know anything about him other than the fact that he draws cats in coffee cream and has seven people a day coming in asking for him?”

Pidge takes another sip of her drink and sets it on the counter behind her, shifting to get more comfortable. “Well, he's Allura’s brother-in-law, but he was an employee here before she married his brother.” She pauses to think. “He drives a motor scooter. A red one.”

“That's it? C’mon Pidge, it's like he's an enigma!”

“What the hell else do you want me to tell you?”

“A name, maybe? What he looks like??”

“Oh, his name’s-”

The jingle of the bells above the door of the cafe interrupts Pidge before she can finish, and she and Lance turn toward the sound out of habit to greet the new arrival, and Lance is met with an incredibly frustratingly handsome man.

Lance has always thrived off of good fashion and style, and this guy pisses him off in that department, with his cherry red track pants and a hoodie with black and white diagonal stripes, and a fucking mullet that covers his neck and most of his face and looks like it hasn't been maintained in months. And what's worse, Lance thinks, is that despite all the glaringly bad choices this particular man has made concerning his appearance, he still manages to pull it off and look stunningly attractive.

“Keith!”

Lance watches as Pidge hurries around to pounce on Mullet Man (Keith, apparently), latching on like a koala clinging to its mother. Mullet Man scrambles to wrap his arms around her and regain his balance to keep them both from falling, and Lance puts down the sprinkles container he's half-finished filling to watch them with piqued interest, one eyebrow raising when Pidge smiles a smile he's never seen on her before.

Lance is still standing there, just watching, when Allura bursts through the swinging doors that separate the cafe from the back halls, one of the doors banging loudly on the wall behind it with the force of her entrance and making Lance (and the few customers remaining in the cafe) flinch at the noise.

There's a look of pure longing on her face as she looks straight at Mullet Man and asks- no, demands- “Where is he?”

Mullet Man just points to the door of the cafe, and the surprise of the evening soars to new heights as Allura vaults over over the counter and sprints out the door without another word. Neither Mullet Man nor Pidge seem fazed by Allura’s previous display, and when Pidge is back on the ground again, they're both staring at Mullet Man's phone and smirking ominously.

The swinging doors push open again (noticeably softer this time) and Hunk comes out, followed by Coran, who immediately makes his way over to where Allura is now being carried bridal-style into the cafe by a very muscular man whose face can't actually be seen because Allura is too busy kissing it and blocking the view. Lance turns to Hunk and gestures with both hands at… well, all of it.

Hunk nods and smiles. “The guy carrying Allura is her husband Shiro, if that's not obvious enough. And the guy Pidge is talking to,” Hunk pauses, and Lance has a feeling it's for effect. “...that's Keith. He's the Coffee Art Guy.”

Lance, having heard spectacular stories about the mysterious Coffee Art Guy who loved motorcycles and was a black belt in martial arts and worked out so much he had to be reminded to take care of himself, had not expected said Coffee Art Guy to look… well, like how Keith Kogane looked. If anything, he'd expected someone more like Keith's brother, Shiro. Not Keith himself.

Once Allura had returned to the world from her reunion with her husband, she'd hugged Keith and they'd spoken briefly in hushed voices, and then she'd gone about introducing her family to Lance, who had yet to meet them.

Introductions were an odd affair. Shiro was kind, polite, and seemed like a genuinely good guy- exactly the kind of guy he'd expect Allura to marry. Keith, however, was far more closed off and awkward, even bordering on hostile. He obviously disliked the fact that a new face had joined the cafe while he was gone, and Lance doesn't know if it was attributed to the long drive he'd just been on, or if Keith just really doesn’t like him.

The day after Shiro and Keith returned, Coran was taken off the cafe staff schedule and Keith had taken his place.

The first thing Lance notices about Keith as an employee is that all the stories he's been told about the guy are true. Keith is an amazing artist. Lance sees the ridiculously adorable cartoon mice drawn on the chalkboard menu outside, sees a similar mouse in the coffee cup of a guy he passes on his way in. It's good, and Lance wonders how Keith does it.

When a lull in afternoon business comes and neither of them have orders to fill, Lance goes up to Keith with a smile and asks to learn how to make coffee art.

“No.” Keith says immediately.

Lance blanks, a little from the speed of the response and a little from Keith's deadpan tone. “What.”

“No, I don't want to teach you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm not a good teacher.” Keith grounds out, pulling a full cup off the rack of the cappuccino machine and walking past Lance to stand in the doorway to the back, calling for Hunk to come get his drink. Allura shuffles out past Keith and looks pointedly at the both of them, obviously having overheard their brief conversation.

“I think it would be a good idea for you to teach Lance coffee art, Keith.” She says as she sets about making her own usual drink.

Keith looks at her as if he's been betrayed, and Lance sinks into himself a little.

“Why?” Keith questions.

“Well, you are the only one who knows how to make coffee art. It will be good for someone else to learn so you do not have to do all of it on your own during rush hours.”

There's a long moment of silence where Allura and Keith are just looking at each other, both with a stubborn glint in their eyes. But then, Keith sighs, glancing at Lance with an unreadable expression, and nods.

“Fine.”

Allura beams and ruffles Keith's hair. “Wonderful! You have finished cleaning, so go ahead and start now. You can pause the lessons for a moment if you get a customer.” She says, winking at Lance before grabbing her cup of hot espresso and disappearing into the back.

Keith turns to Lance and frowns, but goes about grabbing new cups and cream and the little toothpicks Lance sees him use. Lance wordlessly offers his half-drank caffe mocha as their starting grounds.

“Alright.” Keith says, reluctance dripping from his tone. “Let me show you.”

Lance has decided that he definitely does not like Keith.

Another week and a half has passed since Allura convinced Keith to teach Lance how to make coffee art, and there are both very good and very bad things that have come from Keith teaching Lance how to make coffee art.

The very good thing is that Lance is a natural at it. He may not be able to make detailed cats like Keith can, but his flowers and hearts and geometric designs are pretty damn good. In his mind, at least. Which brings him to the very bad thing about having Keith Kogane as a teacher.

Keith refuses to praise. When Lance does something right, there's no “good job” or even a smile to say he's done something well. And that in itself wouldn't really be a big deal if it weren't for the completely dismissive way that Keith glances at his piece, nods vacantly, and goes back to whatever he was doing before without a hint of recognition.

Lance is pissed, to say the least.

He almost regrets ever having said Keith was attractive the first night he saw the guy, (almost, because as much as Keith is an asshole, he really isn't unattractive, and Lance isn't one to lie about that) and he can't help but think that Keith has always hated him, ever since that first night when he looked so absolutely offended that his sister-in-law would hire someone new in her cafe.

Today, they're in the middle of the evening rush, and Keith is hurrying to complete the tiny cat drawings that have been requested. Lance finishes ringing up the customers in line and goes about making their drinks.

There is exactly one customer who asked for a flower in their drink instead of the fourteen who asked for cats or dinosaurs (Lance hadn't even known Keith could draw dinosaurs until someone asked for one), and when Lance pauses to glance over at Keith, he finds the guy standing there, staring down at an absolutely horrendous cream flower.

Keith, Lance has learned, is a perfectionist. Much like Allura, he won't serve an order if it's even slightly off of what was requested, and Lance watches as Keith dumps out the coffee with a frustrated click of his tongue and starts again.

Lance is in the middle of making a complicated drink when someone new comes up in the line. He feels Keith's eyes on him, waiting to see if he'll go to help them. He feels Keith shove by to take their order, and when Lance finishes and serves the drink he'd been working on, he takes over remaking the drink Keith had dumped out and steals the opportunity to draw a perfect flower in the caramel on top.

After he's handed the drink over to its owner and gotten a happy smile in return, he turns to catch Keith staring - no, glaring, actually glaring - at him. Keith says nothing, just shoves past him again again takes his place at the end of the counter to work on the next order of art.

Lance is pissed.

“What the hell is your problem?” He asks when the rush has subsided and most of the customers have left.

Keith looks at him with a confused scowl. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean? Oh, you know, just the fact that you hate me when I've done absolutely nothing to deserve it!”

“What are you talking about?! I don't hate you. Why would you even think that?”

“You looked offended that I was ever born when we first met! You had to be forced to teach me how to do coffee art, and then you don't even care when I do it right! You look at me as if I don't even exist, as if I'm just some customer you'll never have to see again, and you probably wish that were the truth!”

Lance pauses his ramble, fuming, face hot and probably red. Thankfully, he hadn't been speaking loud enough to attract any unwanted attention. Keith, however, is staring at him, and his expression is so full of emotions so close to guilt that Lance feels the anger flooding out of him even as he wills it to stay.

(He doesn't apologize for his outburst though. Keith has still been an asshole, and Lance still wants to know why.)

“I do my best with the coffee art. I try really hard, and you look at it as if you don't even care.” He continues. “Am I so terrible at it that you don't even want to acknowledge I'm doing it at all?”

Keith seems to snap to attention then, his eyes blowing wide as he turns to fully face Lance.

“You're not bad at it! You're actually really good at it! It's just…”

“It's just what?” Lance pushes.

“It's just… coffee art has always been my thing. I've never been good at talking to people like you and Allura or good at making coffee like Pidge or baking like Hunk or management like Coran. I'm good at art. That's it. It's the only thing I can do that no one else can, the only thing that's really my thing.”

Keith stops to breathe, and stares at the slate tiles of the floor. “I didn't want to teach you because then it wouldn't be my thing anymore. And you picked it up so quickly too. It took me ages to find the patience to draw so much as a circle. I was… jealous. And I felt bad about being jealous because you're a really nice and sweet person and you don't deserve it…”

Lance forces himself not to smile at the way the tips of Keith's ears turn red with the compliment, and he leans against the counter, unfurling a bit in the hopes of looking a little less like he's still angry.

“You don't have to feel bad for thinking that way. I just wish you could've told me before I assumed you hated me.” He says.

“Sorry about that.”

“This probably isn't what you want to hear, but you know, it really isn't the coffee art that makes you special. It's more the things like how you take your coffee, that Hunk lets you into the kitchen, the fact you drive a red Vespa to work. And how you manage to make a mullet of all things look halfway decent.”

Lance smiles when Keith meets his gaze. “Don't put so much emphasis on being the Coffee Art Guy. You being Keith is way more important.”

“...thank you, Lance.” Keith says, his smile small but real. “I think I get it.”

“Anytime.” Lance beams. “And besides, I still can't do cats or dinosaurs. And I know for a fact you can't do flowers for shit. So you can do the cats and dinosaurs, and I'll do the flowers. Deal?”

Keith chuckles (actually chuckles, and no, it does not make Lance's stomach do flips).

“Deal.”

Chapter Two ...And All That’s Ever Been

Over the last couple of weeks, Keith has started to notice Lance, and his noticing Lance has brought a lot of feelings Keith doesn't know how to understand.

In reality, he's always noticed Lance. You can't work alongside someone five days a week and not notice them. But now, Keith realizes that while he's always noticed Lance, he's never noticed Lance. As in, he's never paid enough attention to the guy to actually learn anything about him besides the fact that he's a genuinely nice person.

It's been almost a month since Lance confronted Keith and their awkward start became...less awkward. And over the course of that almost-month, Keith has noticed many things about Lance.

He notices the way Lance is is constantly shifting his weight from one leg to the other, as if he has to remind himself not to lean too much to one side. He notices how Lance always draws little flowers on the to-go cups of his customers, how he draws waves or swirls or smiley faces if the line is short and he has the time.

He notices how Lance is always smiling, and how his smiles are always genuine- never the Customer Service Smile bullshit he sees Allura pull when she's dead tired, sees Pidge pull whenever she works the register because she's always dead tired, knows he himself pulls whenever a customer talks to him because he's awkward and doesn't know how to smile genuinely at someone he doesn't know.

Lance smiles at everyone genuinely, and every smile is different, if only slightly.

The smile he gives their regulars is filled with recognition, a mirth you can only shown to someone you know and understand. The smile he gives new customers is full of inquiry, the slightest hint of excitement at whatever an unfamiliar face can bring. The smile he gives Hunk and Pidge and Coran is playful and wide, stretching from ear to ear, and almost always accompanied by laughter. The smile he gives Allura and Shiro is calm, gentle, showcasing the deep respect he has for both of them.

And the smile he gives Keith....well, Keith doesn't know how to describe that. It's too full of too many emotions that require too many words, and that smile always makes Keith's chest tighten, which confuses him more than anything else.

(It does not make his stomach do flips, and it does not make his chest swell. It's just confusing.)

The first time Keith feels the weird ache in his stomach that will quickly become familiar is on a relatively normal day at work. Relatively normal being that everything is the same as it always is, aside from the fact that Keith experiences the weird stomach ache that he knows has nothing to do with the slightly questionable leftover Chinese food he ate for lunch.

He’s in the middle of filling a cup full of whipped cream to satisfy one customer’s odd order, and out of the corner of his eye, he catches Lance at the register, smirking at a blonde girl with eyes just as bright violet as Keith’s own. Lance says something quietly to her as he writes her order on a cup, and Keith can hear the girl giggling even though he’s at the opposite end of the counter. Keith huffs, and suddenly the whipped cream is overflowing, and he has to scramble for a paper towel to clean the excess off the side of the cup before handing it off to its owner.

There’s an ache in Keith’s stomach, and he risks one more glance over at the register - one he immediately regrets when he catches Lance smirking down at the receipt he holds in his hands: a receipt with ten numbers scrawled across it.

Keith takes over the register at Lance’s request, and watches him go speed through the drink’s preparation, the ache in his stomach only growing more intense at the dopey smile on Lance’s face. The customer in line coughs to grab Keith’s attention and he apologizes politely, taking her order and placing it aside for Lance to handle once he’s finished, continuing on with the rest of the line and then helping to complete the rest of the orders when the line is gone.

The ache in Keith’s stomach doesn’t fully go away until the blonde girl has left, and even then it lingers in the back of his mind. What the fuck kind of ache comes from seeing your coworker flirt? Keith blames it on his own aversion to romance and goes about the rest of the day.

He gets that same ache in his stomach exactly three more times in the following two weeks - once when he arrives to find Lance standing outside twirling a girl in the rain (he later learns the girl is Lance’s sister, and he debates the accuracy of the weird stomach ache), once when he catches Lance giving out a complimentary pastry to a girl with dark curls (and again he debates the weird ache when he learns that girl is Shay, Hunk’s girlfriend), and once when Lance brags continuously during their shift about the date he has later that night with a girl named Nyma.

He’s robbed and abandoned during the date, and while Keith later laughs at the ridiculousness of it, there’s a different ache from how truly disappointed and betrayed Lance looks the next day.

In the week after the incident with Nyma, Keith notices that Lance no longer flirts with customers.

Time passes, and Keith doesn’t feel the ache again. Instead, his stomach does odd twists that always seem to coincide with a heating of his face and trembling of his hands, and Keith starts to realize that Lance really does do something strange to his insides whenever he does...well, anything.

When Lance smiles at something someone says; when Lance makes a terrible joke or pun that has Keith, Pidge, and Allura collectively rolling their eyes; when Lance does that low hum after taking a drink of his usual caffè mocha that signifies he’s proud of that particular drink. Keith doesn’t know why his insides churn, he just knows it happens because of Lance, and that most times it does happen, he ends up turning bright red and has to look away before Lance catches him watching.

It’s been exactly a month since the weird feelings began (not that Keith’s been keeping track, of course, it’s not like he thinks he might be slowly dying or anything) when he finally decides to ask someone if they know what the fuck is going on with his internal organs.

“Do you think I should go and see a doctor if my insides feel weird sometimes?” He asks Allura one night when they’re sitting on the couch together, waiting for Shiro to finish his shower so they can start their movie.

Allura tears her gaze from the magazine she’s reading and looks at him, one eyebrow raised. “What exactly do you mean by your insides feeling weird sometimes?”

“Well, sometimes when I’m at work my stomach will do this weird twist, and it doesn’t really hurt or anything, but it feels really strange and it makes my hands shake and my face get really hot and sometimes I feel kinda dizzy or just...out of it. But it doesn’t happen always. Just sometimes.” Keith explains, not quite knowing how else to describe it.

“When do you get this feeling? Do you think it happens because of anything in particular?”

“Uh,” Keith pauses. “Because of Lance.”

“Because of Lance?”

“Yeah. When he smiles, or laughs, or leans just right against the counter, or does that thing where he moves from foot to foot like he can’t decide how he wants to stand, or when he sticks his tongue out while he’s doing coffee art, or- why are you looking at me like that?”

Allura’s eyes are on him, and her entire face is turned up into a smirk Keith is immediately suspicious of. When he shoots her a look of confusion, she doubles over laughing, eyes pinched together and one hand covering her mouth as if she were trying - and obviously failing - to pretend she isn’t laughing at him. Keith frowns and twiddles his thumbs in his lap.

“Oh my goodness, Keith!” Allura says after about three minutes have passed. Her laughter slows to a few short chuckles, and she wipes a tear from her eyes. “You like Lance.”

“Well…yeah, I guess so. I don’t hate him. He’s a nice guy.”

“No, Keith. You like Lance. You have fallen in love with him, or have at least started to.”

Keith doesn’t say anything, simply letting his sister-in-law’s words sink in. He likes Lance. He’s in love with Lance. The feelings in his stomach are because everything Lance does makes him weak in the knees- suddenly, it all makes sense. He remembers when Shiro had first met Allura and would come home every day after class complaining about the same symptoms. Of course, back then they’d had their mother to explain it all. Keith regrets not having listened.

He feels his face heating up, and Allura is laughing again, this time not bothering to try and hide it. She pats Keith on the back and wipes a few more tears from her face, leaning over to hug Keith.

“Oh boy, I cannot believe you did not realize! I thought you would have known how one falls in love by now, being as much of an adult as you are!” She teases.

“Yeah, well, I guess I’ve just never fallen in love with anyone before, so how could I know?”

“How did you not remember any of this from when Shiro and I first met? He has told me of how awkward he was when we were still just classmates who never spoke, so surely you saw all of that from an insider’s perspective.”

“I kind of avoided Shiro when he first met you because he would just sit and ramble about you for hours. It got pretty boring after like, the first ten minutes.”

Allura giggles at that, and there’s the sound of a door opening from upstairs. Keith panics, turning to Allura with frantic eyes and tugging at her sleeve. “Don’t tell Shiro, please! He’ll just try to give me advice on dating and I really don’t want to get love advice from someone who had to be tricked into asking his first girlfriend out because he wouldn’t do it himself.”

“You are asking me to hide something so vitally important to your wellbeing from my husband, your brother? How on Earth could I betray him like that?” Allura says, leveling Keith with a serious expression.

Keith glares at her, and she simply smirks.

“I’ll work the night shift all week.”

“Deal.”

Shiro comes in only a moment later and movie night begins, but Keith finds himself unable to concentrate on the movie at all. He’s too preoccupied with the evening’s revelations.

Who would’ve thought that he’d fall for Lance McClain, of all the beautiful people in the world?

After that night, Keith only notices Lance even more. He’s constantly aware of Lance’s presence near him, constantly aware of exactly how much distance is in between them and exactly how far Keith would have to lean in order for them to be touching. It gets especially bad when the two of them are leaned in close to use the same machine and their sides are pressed together, their faces so close that Keith knows he’d only have to turn his head and lean a couple inches in order for their lips to meet.

The first time that happens, he ends up over filling his cup and burning a good piece of his arm, and he has to spend the next half hour manning the register with burn creamed smeared across his wrist and the back of his hand.

Nothing changes between him and Lance- not really. Of course, Keith finds himself a lot more awkward around the guy, not quite knowing what to say, but he’s never been super great at that, so he’s sure it’s not much of a noticeable change. If Lance notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Nothing changes, at least, until the night everything is revealed completely not-accidentally by his and Lance’s no-good friends after a particularly busy Halloween.

Keith has always loved Halloween. He grew up pleading for Shiro’s help making costumes of a different cryptid every year. And now, even as an adult, he still loves Halloween, though he’s grown up enough to make his own costumes. Allura, who decidedly does not celebrate Halloween but appreciates other people’s love for the holiday, lets Keith, Pidge, and Matt (all of them avid Halloween lovers) decorate the cafe in whatever way they see fit, which this year includes just a bit too much fake blood that they almost can’t get off the windows the next morning.

They all dress up in costumes Halloween day, even Allura and Shiro, who truly couldn’t care less about a holiday to do with dead things coming to life. Keith is Mothman, and he’s incredibly proud of his costume, made from black feathers from Party City superglued onto a pair of leggings and a turtleneck. Shiro wears nothing but a black lion onesie he bought years ago that really doesn’t even fit him anymore, and all Allura puts into her vampire costume is a pair of fake plastic fangs that have her talking in a lisp all day. Hunk is Cooking Mama. Pidge is Einstein. Coran is Sherlock Holmes (which everyone agrees is unsettling in how well he pulls it off).

Lance comes in late as fucking Wonder Woman - and no, Keith does not spit out his morning ristretto at the sight of Lance in an almost-speedo - and Matt (Pidge’s older brother and self-declared “Senior Coffee Genius) shows up as Winry Rockbell in what Keith declares is the shittiest anime cosplay he’s ever seen in his entire life.

They spend the day handing out candy to kids who come in with their parents, complimenting the kids’ costumes as much as the kids compliment theirs. A couple of toddlers end up crying when Keith comes out of the back after refilling the candy bowl, but he can’t bring himself to resent it when he gets to see Lance make them smile with his Wonder Woman getup, complete with a shield and sword that look just like the real thing, despite being plastic.

The mother shoots Lance a weird look at first, but Keith can tell that the relief of her kids being satiated is greater than whatever prejudice she might have against men wearing skirts.

Keith spends the rest of the day as far from small children as he can (so as to avoid making any more of them piss themselves out of fear) and trying his very best not to let his gaze linger on Lance’s lower half for more than the “appropriate” microsecond he deems is good enough to not be noticed. Of course, Allura notices anyways, and then Keith has to put effort into ignoring the look she sends him from across the cafe every time Lance is within a foot’s distance.

By the time evening comes and the cafe closes for the night, Keith is ready to go home and gorge on the leftover candy he knows Shiro and Allura won’t end up eating. But, of course, he isn’t going to get to do that. Instead, Lance suggests they all hang out and eat the remaining candy as a group, because it’s Halloween, and what else are you supposed to do on Halloween except eat candy with the people you love?

(Keith pointedly doesn’t think too hard about the fact he was included in the list of people Lance apparently loves.)

Allura offers the cafe as their venue for the evening, and everyone settles down in the sitting area, some on the couches and armchairs and others curled up on the plush pink carpet, the still half-full candy bowl placed on the coffee table in the middle, though everyone has handfuls of candy in their laps anyway.

“So, how about we play a game of sorts? Anyone have a suggestion?” Allura proposes once everyone has made themselves comfortable.

Matt’s hand shoots into the air. “I’ve got one! I made it up in college when Shiro and I wanted to embarrass our dormmates by spilling all their dirty frat boy secrets.”

“Oh God,” Shiro says, dragging a hand over his face and sighing. “I remember that.”

“This sounds wonderful, do explain!” Allura claps her hands excitedly.

“Okay, so the game’s basically this: we go in a circle, counter-clockwise because that seems like it’d be the funniest with the group we have, and everyone has to pick an embarrassing secret they know about someone else in the group and share it out loud. Whoever makes their target react the most intensely, wins.”

“I have a feeling Pidge is going to win this.” Keith says from where he’s leaned against the table, Pidge next to him. “She’s like...the Queen of Blackmail.”

“True, true.” Pidge nods in agreement.

The game begins, and they start with Matt so he can show everyone an example of the game’s mechanics - not that the game’s all that hard to understand. Matt shares a short story about one time in their college years when Shiro came back from a class with Allura and sat in their shared bathroom for at least an hour talking to himself in a high-pitched, shitty British accent pretending to be Allura so he could roleplay her response if he asked her out. Keith makes sure to record the entire thing for blackmail purposes, including Allura’s hysterical laughing fit.

Shiro goes next, and of course, his is also a short story. This one is about the time their college dorm stole a telescope from the lab and snuck out onto the roof to stargaze, and Matt got so drunk that he nearly knocked himself and the stolen telescope off said roof.

Allura shares a story about her first ever Halloween party, in which Coran showed up an entire family of Irish dancers with a near perfect rendition of a traditional Irish Ceili dance. It’s less of an embarrassing story than one that makes everyone confused, but that’s always the case when Coran is involved.

Coran’s story includes a picture of a plump baby Allura covered head to toe in peanut butter that he conveniently “happens” to have on his person, and Allura spends the next two turns with her head in her hands.

Pidge’s story is about the origin of the Winry cosplay Matt’s wearing - a story Keith really wishes he hadn’t heard, and judging by how red everyone else’s faces are by the time Pidge is done, Keith figures they’d all agree.

Keith’s is of one time when Shiro was attempting to flirt with Allura behind the counter of the cafe and slipped on some water, faceplanting onto the floor. It must create a vivid mental image because that particular story throws everyone into a fit of giggles at Shiro’s expense, and Keith can’t bring himself to be intimidated by the angry look his brother sends him when the man’s face is pink with embarrassment. He only blushes darker when Allura kisses him on the cheek.

When it’s Hunk’s turn, the apron-wearing man turns to Lance with a gleam in his eye. Lance just smirks and crosses his arms over his chest. “Oh c’mon Hunk, you know that every story you’ve got to tell about me is something I’ve already come to terms with. I’m not ashamed of anything!”

“Lance has a crush on Keith and won’t admit it because he still thinks Keith doesn’t like him.”

Lance gapes at that, and Keith can see his face turning beet red as Hunk leans back in his chair, looking somehow both triumphant and slightly guilty. Everyone else is silent. Keith can’t tear his gaze from Lance, and their eyes lock, both mutually frozen. Lance’s eyes are so blue, his cheeks so red, and Hunk’s words slowly start to sink in all the way, and Keith feels like he’s holding his breath.

“Keith likes Lance too and had to have me tell him that because he did not realize what falling in love was like!”

Keith was holding his breath, and he lets it all out in a shaky cough as he whirls on Allura.

“You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“No, I promised I would not tell Shiro.”

“Shiro’s right there!”

“Oh, well, sorry?” She says in the most unapologetic way possible.

Keith frowns at her, and when he turns back to Lance, blue eyes meet violet once again, and Keith feels his own face turning just as beet red as Lance’s. They sit there, saying nothing, doing nothing, until Shiro cuts through the awkward silence and suggests they continue the game. It pulls Keith and Lance’s attention away from each other, and they don’t meet eyes again for the rest of the night.

Lance offers up a weak story about how Hunk didn’t learn how to ride a bike until his first year of college (weak in that everyone else already knew the fact, having been friends with Hunk many years longer than Lance has). The game continues, and after another few rounds, Keith and Lance end up dropping from the game without any real notice, the group not mentioning their continued silence and simply passing over them both.

Coran heads home only a half hour or so after closing time at midnight, though everyone else stays behind until the wee hours of the morning. They continue the game until about 2am and then move on to other cliche party games that Keith honestly doesn’t pay any attention to. The sun is rising by the time Allura says they should stop their games, and at that point, only Hunk actually decides to go home and sleep the remaining three hours before the cafe opens again.

Allura and Shiro disappear into Allura’s back office, presumably to sleep, and Matt and Pidge head out, stating they’re only going home to change and that they’ll be back in twenty minutes. Keith walks them out and waves as they drive away. When he steps out of the front doorway, he catches sight of Lance behind the counter, the sounds of the machines and the smell of coffee making the whole room seem warmer.

Keith steps over to the end of the counter, rubbing at his eyes, and pauses when Lance calls his name. Turning to face Lance, Keith watches him slide a cup of coffee down the polished counter and into his hands. It smells like ristretto, and when Keith sips it, it tastes perfect.

“Thanks.” He says, still avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah, no problem.” Lance says, doing the same. “Hey, uh, I’m gonna go home and change too. But I’ll be back soon.”

Keith nods in acknowledgement and takes another long sip of his coffee, burning his tongue and using the ache as a distraction from Lance brushing past him and out the door. He doesn’t look up to watch Lance go. But when he finally sighs and sets his cup down on the counter, he finds that there’s a message scrawled on it in Lance’s favorite blue ink.

‘Meet me at this address tomorrow night, at 7pm. We both have the night off. With love, Lance’

The address leads to the an aquarium, according to Keith’s GPS. He holds his phone tightly in his hand and sets out, following the blue line on his screen until he finds himself standing in front of a beautifully architectured building with ‘The Depths’ posted in glowing blue and white letters above the entrance. Keith can tell the ceiling is glass from the way it shines in the light of the setting sun, and it looks like the entire entrance is glass too.

He’s so busy admiring the venue that he almost doesn’t see Lance, but when he does, oh God, Keith’s fucking gone.

Lance is standing casually off to the side of the entrance, out of the way of anyone else wanting to go inside but not so far out of sight as for Keith to not notice him there. He’s leaning on one leg the way he always does, and Keith catches him switch to the other leg, the way he always does. He’s wearing very tight blue jeans that are folded up to just below his knee, a white shirt with thin grey stripes, and bright blue Converse that oppose Keith’s own red Converse so strikingly it’s almost as if they planned it.

Keith looks down at his baggy black jeans and red hoodie and allows himself a moment to feel self-conscious. Maybe he should’ve put more effort into deciding what to wear. Not that he hadn’t put any effort into it - in fact, Shiro and Allura had been forced to all but throw him from the house so he wouldn’t be late, he’d spent so much time worrying; and not just about his wardrobe either. He’d never been on a date. How the fuck was he supposed to act on a date?

Wiping his sweaty palms on the back of his jeans, Keith slowly starts toward Lance, who smiles as he approaches. Keith smiles back, already feeling the heat in his face.

“Hey.” Lance says, his voice sounding almost shaky.

“Hey.” Keith parrots, not really knowing what else to say.

“Wanna head inside?” Lance nods toward the aquarium’s entrance. “We only have until nine to see everything, that’s when they close.”

“Yeah, sure.”

They head into the building together. Lance holds the door open with one hand and bows with an unnecessary dramatic flourish that makes Keith laugh, and as soon as they’ve paid for their entry (well, Lance pays, even though Keith protests) Keith feels a hand slip into his own, fingers squeezing his and causing his body temperature to rise slightly. He doesn’t acknowledge it aside from a not-so-subtle glance upward, and Lance meets his gaze with a smirk. Keith chuckles.

“So,” Lance starts as they make their way toward the first exhibit. “You look amazing.”

Keith tries not to look disbelieving. “You look better.”

“Impossible!” Lance states, swinging their hands between them with that cheesy smirk on his face. “You look handsome without trying. Me?” He gestures dramatically to himself. “I have a morning ritual wherein I sell part of my soul every day so I can look halfway decent. Not what I would call ‘natural beauty’, which you definitely have.”

Keith can feel his ears turning red, but he refuses to back down. “Sure, but who’s to say this is purely natural? You’ve only sold pieces of your soul, whereas I sold all of mine ages ago.” He says, nodding sagely as Lance gives him an inquisitive look, lips pursed. “It’s a simple ritual, Shiro taught me. Want to know the secret?”

“Teach me, oh beautiful, soulless angel!”

Lance throws his arms out to the side and enunciates his words in a deeper tone than usual, and Keith snorts a laugh. They have to take a minute to calm down before Keith can continue.

“Cold water and combs.”

Then Lance is the one snorting a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh boy, that’s one powerful demon.”

“Maybe. Not as generous as yours though. You only sold pieces of your soul and you look like you should be a model for underwear or something. I sold my entire soul and I have to deal with this.” Keith says, gesturing to his hair, as big and poofy as ever.

“Hey, I love your mullet!”

“You used to insult it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a changed man.”

Keith turns his gaze to the ground at that. “Me too.” When he looks back up at Lance, he can tell the man caught onto the subliminal message of those two words. After all, Keith treated Lance like shit when they first met - which was only a couple of months ago. Yet, here they are now, on a date at an aquarium, holding hands and close enough to kiss-

They both seem to realize it at the same time, and jerk back so there’s a good twelve inches in between their faces, cheeks red and eyes averted. They don't let go of each others hand though, staying linked as Lance leads Keith farther into the aquarium.

The date is incredibly peaceful from then on. They don't make as much small talk as Keith had expected, and he prefers it. They go through all the exhibits - colorful tropical fish, streamlined sharks, giant sea bass and bottom dwellers and lion fish and seahorses and an octopus that does tricks for shellfish - and all the while, Lance is commenting on the kinds of life each creature lives: where it lives, what it eats, what eats it.

Keith doesn't say much, just listens to Lance gush about how beautiful each creature is. He can only imagine that coming to an aquarium like this alone would be boring and bland.

They take a break to get frozen yogurt (which surprises Keith, because what aquarium has a frozen yogurt kiosk?!) and just when Keith thinks they've seen everything, Lance leads him to a doorway blocked by a heavy black curtain that reads “Jellyfish Aquarium”. They step inside, and it's like stepping into a world from a fairytale story.

The entire room is illuminated by blue and pink bioluminescent jellyfish, all floating slowly in a tank that must be ten feet tall and at least twenty feet wide. There are no lights in the ceiling or the tank, just the soft glow of the jellyfish as they drift silently around each other, looking like the calmest creatures in the world.

“My papa brought me to this room when I was little, as a birthday gift. He told me the perfect man is like a jellyfish. He's calm and peaceful, radiating with life and light. But he also stands up for himself and what he loves. If someone comes at him, he fights back.” Lance says, pressing one hand against the glass tank. He's quiet for a long moment, and then he looks back at Keith, a fond look in his eye. “You're the first person I've ever brought here, aside from him.”

Keith takes in the expression on Lance's face, then turns toward a pastel pink jellyfish floating past Lance's hand. “Is that a good thing?” He asks.

“It means you're special to me.”

Keith feels his fingers being squeezed gently, and when he turns to his date once again, he finds Lance about six inches from his face. Keith does nothing, says nothing as Lance inches closer, until he can feel warm breath on his chin.

When Lance speaks, it's barely louder than a whisper. “May I kiss you?”

Keith nods, and then there are soft lips pressed against his own, fingers holding his like a lifeline, a hand ghosting over his cheek and stroking his hair. The room was already quiet, but it's as if the whole world simply fades out, and there's only Lance, with pale shadows playing across his closed eyelids and the baby-smooth skin of his nose sliding against Keith's own.

They pull apart, exhaling together, and Keith let's himself stare back into Lance's eyes, blue as the ocean whose creatures he loves so dearly. A thumb strokes the back of Keith's hand, another strokes his burning cheek.

He has nothing more to say, so he says nothing, just smiles and leans into Lance's side to watch the jellyfish a while longer, an arm wrapped around his waist and a cheek nestled in his hair.

They stay there in the jellyfish room, close as they can be to each other without infringing on any PDA rules the humble aquarium might have, until the woman from the front desk comes in to inform them the aquarium needs to close. They leave hand in hand, sides pressed together, Keith's head leaning on Lance's shoulder whenever it won't hinder their ability to walk without stepping on each other's feet.

Lance walks Keith home, kisses him again on the stoop of his house, runs a hand through his hair and whispers “good night” into his ear as if a farewell were the most important thing he could ever say.

(Keith hopes farewell isn't the most important thing Lance has to say.)

“We should do this again.”

Lance says it so firmly, so casually; Keith wonders how a simple sentence said in such a way can make his chest tighten, his hands tremble..

Lance is looking at him, waiting for him, yet something in his lopsided smile and the way the light of the streetlamp casts shadows across his face makes Keith feel like he could take a hundred years to respond and Lance would still be there, with all the patience in the world.

He decides not to take a hundred years, because a.) it would be rude to make Lance wait that long, regardless of whether he's willing to or not, and b.) he doesn't think he could go another second denying himself to pleasure of Lance’s promised company.

“Definitely.”

#fanfic #my fics #voltronss2k17 #voltron: legendary defender #klance

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lnwseniorstudio1 · 7 years

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Blog Six

Huzzah! I have finally been able to re-organize and take a look at my research!

There are still a few things I would like to check out, including an OnBeing episode that Professor Sigamoney mentioned called “The Good, Bad and Ugly of the Digital Age”. I’d also like to read a book by Michael Bugeja entitled “Interpersonal Divide in the Age of the Machine”. These two may have to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas break since they are not entirely necessary and would most likely just serve as more inspiration for my project as I go. I know there’s a lot of information below so feel free to skim but please bear with me...I will include my notes/summaries, bold important words and put my own comments in italics. If you are interested in this topic at all or in improving your life by understanding your current environment better, I would definitely read it all and watch all the videos. To understand it is literally life changing.

The first thing I did was take a look at the textbook for my Media Ethics [Media Ethics: 10th Edition: Routledge] class. We’re through chapter 10 now and as we’ve been going along I’ve been tabbing pages that have had crossover or applicable information for my thesis concept. I won’t include everything I indexed here because it’s quite a lot but some of the important stuff:

p.10 “Values constitute a frame of reference” -- we may value some things too highly and act in accordance with those values which are never pure and need to be checked by our loyalties and principles on how to apply those values. This pertains to my project because my argument after doing research is that our society has valued information/education too much and social interaction not enough, therefore causing the downward spiral in mental illness that we’ve seen amongst progressive generations.

p. 45 We often live in an “information cocoon” or “echo chamber” in which we click on and view only things that interest us and affirm our ideas/prejudices rather than challenge them. This insulates us and allows us to avoid discordant tones.

p. 134 Studies have shown that there has been a 47% drop in the “empathy index” over the last decade amongst today’s college students. There is a strong correlation between increased bonding over social media and a sharp decline in emotional concern for others. This could be due to lack of face-to-face contact. Other studies have shown that casual touch, looking into a friend’s eyes and hearing their voice/seeing their body language is what cements a relationship. This can’t even be done through FaceTime or Skype.

p. 134 Today’s teens and young adults are the most concerned with internet privacy more than ever before, even though they appear to be most transparent.

p. 165 Ads today create an intensified sense of distrust of and alienation from others, mainly because they are viewed as deceptive.

p. 175 “Living for likes in the marketplace” -- people have become commodities through Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, etc.

p. 181 Advertising and “media culture” are pervasive and act as a mirror/shaper of society; reflective but rich with distortion and selective content.

p. 202 Millennials are defined as born from 1980-2000. They are called “digital natives” and have had instant access to all information since birth.

p. 212 “Fragmented audiences” and “clutter”; our commercialized culture has seeped into our personal lives. We view other people as things we can buy and get something out of, rather than put something in to and cultivate as a human being. This is intrusive in nature.

p. 227 We often reflect on the ethics of our new technologies and “progress” AFTER the damage has been done. We MUST correct these problems.

I also checked out a few web links which I will include as I go in case you are interested in any of these topics and would like to know more. The first one comes from Thoughtful Life Ministries. I don’t normally like to include religious outputs in my research because they tend to be less objective but I really found this explanation of what is happening today helpful; it was very well-informed. I’ll include my notes from it in bullet point format which might be easier to read through more quickly.

http://www.thoughtfullifeministries.org/blog/2015/5/18/wisdom-in-the-digital-age-information

“We live in an age of much knowledge and little thought.”

We tend to compartmentalize data and have little capacity to implement that data.

Our format for accessing information is fragmented, therefore our thinking is fragmented, therefore our actions are disconnected.

Experiencing things in fragments has been shown to hamper cognition. One solution might be to read more books that help to develop better concentration skills, rather than reading short articles or blips or tweets from the internet.

We have a false sense of wisdom due to so much information. However, real wisdom means knowing what to do with that data; how to use it to make decisions and build relationships up rather than knowing quick facts for trivia. This is also true spiritually. It’s one thing to know the Bible and another to have a relationship with God/Jesus.

Background noise is constant.

We need stillness, silence, meditation and contemplation to maintain mental health--not quick answers from Google that don’t allow us to think and wonder for ourselves.

We have built up an aversion to quiet and become uneasy when alone for too long.

Quality of information is no longer a priority.

Abundance of information calls for developing discernment so that we can learn to trust again.

The next one comes from GoodTherapy.org and discusses some of the negative ways technology can impact our relationships.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/3-ways-technology-can-negatively-impact-your-relationships-0919167

A PEW study on Intimacy (2014)

Shows that stress/distraction often comes from cell phone usage.

Tech devices can paradoxically provide a “sense” of closeness but also tension.

Distraction

Devices can turn in to an online addiction.

People who leave their devices for more than 10 minutes often show higher levels of anxiety--a sign of an addiction, similar to smoking.

Depression

A study done in Pittsburgh shows higher rates of depression amongst those who use social media more (tend to compare themselves to others more, obsess over “likes”, etc.)

Shows a decline in mood, sense of well-being and of life satisfaction. This leads to “Fear of Missing Out”, but ends up causing those with this fear to miss out on what they already have in front of them. This calls for some meditation on gratitude.

Sync Up by Powering Down.

Connections are forged through voice, body language, facial expression and are essential. Touch is also missing, even friendly touch, and cannot be replicated through FaceTime. There may even be a higher rate of young adults who are now uncomfortable with normal affectionate touch with friends, mentors etc. This may cause erratic behavior, like keeping away from most people and then taking touch too far at other times/sexually/romantically/public indecency or harassment/assault, etc--I have personally been the victim of sexual harassment (multiple times) and attempted assault and I know for a fact the person that did it has anxiety, depression and an anti-social/erratic nature.

Solutions

Scheduling allotted times for technology usage.

Spending time in nature

A Dutch study has shown that those who live within 0.6 miles of a park or woodland have lower levels of anxiety.

My last weblink is actually just to a YouTube Channel called “Charisma on Command”. I personally have used Charisma on Command’s videos to help me with my social skills. What I think is important about this is the fact that we even have a YouTube Channel dedicated to teaching young adults how to behave like normal people. This shows us that we are the first generation to not learn these social cues as children, we must develop them later to compensate and we are actually aware that we need this help. Charisma on Command currently has 1.2 Million subscribers...including me.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU_W0oE_ock8bWKjALiGs8Q

My last section of research comes from some articles shared on Facebook that I saved and are often accompanied by videos. I would HIGHLY recommend reading and watching all of this because it could seriously help you to understand yourself and those around you better, and that simple act of understanding the cause of something and perhaps what you can do about it can alleviate so much of the anxiety that we’ve already caused ourselves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BauKQDg4j0

This was a video shared by GoalCast called “Us and We” by Wentworth Miller. It’s only a short segment of the full video but I still got a lot out of it:

Being in survival mode leaves no space for community, only worrying about ourselves and getting through the day.

Many kids today struggle with suicide and yet on the outside pretend that everything is fine, even return to school shortly after attempting suicide (I myself am amongst this category).

Miller suggests this is not a cry for help because most don’t believe there is help to call for, and I’d have to agree--not that there isn’t help out there, just that when in this state you don’t believe there is.

We need to start watching out for, listening to, caring for and loving one another, even those who aren’t in our normal circle but especially those who are. People need to know they are not alone because as we will see in the following articles, it is actually loneliness, play deprivation and intense “schooling” that causes people to lash out through either suicide or homicide.

The next video I have isn’t quite as pertinent to my topic but is still very important, perhaps as one of the solutions to the problems I am bringing up. I couldn’t get the link for it but on Facebook if you search for the ATTN page and the video “Our schools should teach basic life skills again” you’ll probably find it.

The quality of the information we place the highest value on (school) is lacking. Our education is nearly meaningless and we often hear high school students complain of boredom or being given useless information that will never help them in the real world.

Conversely, we are given 38% less home economics, financial literacy and cooking classes in school leaving students feeling ill-prepared for the real world.

This has led to the hashtag #Adulting: when someone has finally figured out how to do something every adult should know how to do and posts about their success in getting it right or when they can’t figure something out (like how to boil an egg) and resort to an easier means of getting the job done (Ie. going to McDonald’s for dinner too often).

This is SAD, PATHETIC and a DISSERVICE to our youth: They should have LESS school but BETTER quality education, as we will see below in the final two articles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

This video actually came from Delta Protective Services’ Facebook Page and includes Simon Sinek discussing Millennials in the Workplace.

Sinek defines Millennials as born in 1994 and after.

Corporations describe millennials as tough to work with, self interested, unfocussed, lazy and entitled.

This is all true, but let’s ask WHY.

Millennials want a purpose and to make an impact but don’t know how, leaving them extremely unhappy and wrought with mental health disorders.

Missing Pieces according to Sinek:

Failed parenting

Children are told they are special and can have anything they want for no apparent reason since birth. No merit: given participation awards which are shown to actually lower self esteem from embarrassment because children know they didn’t deserve it.

Find out in adulthood that they can’t have everything they want when they want it and are confused/stressed and constantly worried about their future in a society that values monetary success and titles.

Technology

Apps like Instagram and Facebook allow young individuals to “filter” their lives. “Life is amazing, even though behind closed doors I’m depressed”. We end up comparing ourselves and our lifestyles to other people’s lives which aren’t even the whole truth of their life and have unrealistic expectations of how life will be.

Social media is also associated with the release of Dopamine in the brain and that is the same chemical released through other addictions. It can be used as an escape from reality like alcohol or drugs and has a numbing effect.

Like alcoholics who turn to alcohol under stress, social media addicts turn to more social media rather than other people close to them when under stress.

This does not develop deep meaningful relationships and often most young people admit that they have fun with their friends but cannot count on them or confide in them. They have no practice at normal coping mechanisms.

Social media provides temporary relief but long term increases rates of depression. The imbalance ignores the root of the problem which is related to instant gratification.

What doesn’t come instantly is job satisfaction and meaningful relationships: those take years, even a whole lifetime, to develop that sense of joy in hard work and that is simply not present in our age group.

We need to learn patience:

Worst case scenario: increase in suicide [homicide] rates from drug overdoses, dropping out of school or leaves of absence due to depression/mental health which is unheard of before this and we are already seeing this in America everywhere.

Best case scenario: an entire generation of individuals never really finding joy; wafting through life with no fulfillment and constantly using the phrase “it’s fine”.

Environment:

Corporate environments care about short game numbers and gains, not about the lifetime of the youth working for them.

Corporations and businesses need to pick up the slack and help kids to encourage their confidence and cooperation skills. Kids think it’s their own fault but really they’ve had a lack of good leadership.

Need to offer help with social skills, small talk and building relationships in general, slow and steady.

Also need to remove technology and information overload temptations, such as cell phones in and even just before meetings so employees are forced to converse with one another.

Need to learn to let our minds wander and enjoy the world without constant engagement: that’s how true innovation happens.

https://byrslf.co/thoughts-on-the-vegas-shooting-14af397cee2c

The last link comes from Charlie Hoehn from BeYourself and he gives his thoughts on the recent Vegas shooting and why men keep doing this. It has a chilling amount to do with my topic and is another highly recommended read (including the attached videos, especially the one on Play Deprivation as a cause of mental and social disorders).

Increased shootings are related to men’s emotional health, not so much the guns and weapons used in the shootings.

Men have little social/emotional support.

Much of this is to do with chronic loneliness.

Need touch, caring, warmth, empathy, close relationships.

Can’t admit to these needs because they are not “for men” and cause them to appear weak, or at least society in general tell them so.

This can even be true for females with the new wave of feminism which encourages women to not appear weak as well and may unintentionally encourage the non-desirable traits of masculinity, such as isolation and the “lone wolf” mentality.

Men need deep friendships and confidants as much as women do but end up posturing in front of other boys instead.

Unrealistic expectations of masculinity lead to isolation and later violence (in forms of suicide, homicide or rape, etc.)

“The Mask You Live In” Video

Caring, relationships and empathy have been feminized and undervalued as traits for men.

Become homicidal/suicidal out of shame.

Respect is linked to violence: more to do with loneliness than anything else

Soul-deadening and maddening loneliness, feelings of rejection or being an outcast can be seen as emotionally traumatizing and develop a vision of seeing others as threats “people are cruel and not worth the effort”--I’ll admit, I used to think this way. I never would have hurt anyone, but I would isolate myself to cope.

Men [people in general] are also deprived of play.

People function best and are healthier with less stress which can be relieved through play.

Play encourages the formation of deep friendships, life/social skills and the mastery of survival/being able to respond well and not overreact to frightening situations.

This is like socialization for puppies and helps them to grow up to be non-aggressive and non-violent. Puppies grow into dogs that lash out because of abuse, isolation and fear/not knowing how to react to fear.

Strong correlation between play deprivation and mental illness.

Leads to chronic depression when kids are stripped of their right to experience life on their own terms. Often depression and anxiety stems from feeling as if one has no control over their own life.

To improve test scores and our children’s “futures” we have taught them not to live in the moment but to always plan for tomorrow and their resumes without giving them ample time to play. “Pills are prescribed for bodies and minds that cry out for play”.

The result is a generation of the most anxious, depressed and suicidal American children on record.

I can attest to this, and even when I do finally find time to play, I find it empty and not rewarding somehow. Apathy takes over and I lose the motivation/enthusiasm to have fun, a clear sign of mild chronic depression.

“The Decline of Play” video by Peter Gray

Over the past half century, the U.S has seen a decline in play and a rise in feeling of helplessness and also narcissism amongst children/psychopathology.

Without play, children have no emotional support amongst their own age group and it can become easy to feel deadened inside/to have no capacity for feelings (another way of saying, developed sociopathic tendencies).

These children keep secrets and often feel shame/humiliation/disrespect and ridicule.

In need of friendship and play which develops fit bodies, cooperation and risk-taking.

Why had play been eroded?

School and the emphasis on valuing information and “progress” over humanity and our condition.

What good is all that schooling if it leaves us unhappy, unfulfilled and not even able to apply the information we receive?

The type of play we have is also lesser in quality: it is not free and self-directed, but rather supervised, structured and uber competitive/less creative (dare I say organized little league statues versus story time or scenario based play-time).

Irrational fears about dangers to children have been spread in the last 50 years as well (due to films like “It” etc.) when we actually live in the safest time for children to be outside in the neighborhood.

The correlation between play deprivation, increases in amounts of schooling and mental disorders amongst youth are nearly linear over time. The 15-24 age group of suicide has doubled and the 15 and under group has quadrupled.

Conversely, suicide amongst the elderly and older generations has gone down.

In essence, we are a worse world for children; “safe” but destructive.

The decline in our sense of control over our own lives has led to distrust, rise in narcissism, decline of empathy, but also decline in creativity since the 1980′s.

What we can do:

Recognize the problem.

Examine our priorities.

Develop bonds with neighbors, open gymnasiums, park supervisors (that do not intervene with play, simply safety) and close off streets for certain hours for children to play in.

Stand up against the clamor for MORE school/information, just BETTER school.

So overall, this is what I learned and how I see this project as a progression of figurative sculptures that will likely illustrate each of these points (accompanied by my artist statement which will also include resources to all of this research and steps/ways for people to get help. I take this project seriously/personally and I want to help other young people to not have to suffer what I and my friends have):

The emphasis on more education leads to an obsession with obtaining information, whether useful or not, with little time to “play” and learn to apply that information through developing meaningful relationships. This can cause anti-social behaviors that are not even related to technology, such as a personal one: burying oneself in books and art rather than facing other people and developing friendships in real life--another example of absorbing information over actively pursuing goals/people.

As children grow they are then suddenly subjected to the internet and constant access to an abundance of information and are unsure of what is necessary to know and what is not or how to sift through it all.

When presented with social media, these children who are now teens absorb everything they see and develop unrealistic expectations for life that can never be met and often neglect in-person social interactions, hampering their social skills. Over time, this causes anxiety/depression and is further compounded when the addiction to social media takes over and the endless cycle of “bad coping” takes over. Obsessed with knowing more and more and presenting themselves a certain way combined with living in “survival mode” leaves no room for empathizing with others and thus begins the narcissism that can eventually turn in to true sociopathy.

In the young adult stage, a near existential crisis CAN take place when a person finally becomes aware of what is happening to them. Hopefully, they will change their habits and get help/therapy (for those of you wondering, yes, I have gone and will continue to get therapy/counseling)...at other times, they may not ever figure out what the actual problem is and continue through life anxious, depressed and apathetic, unable to feel the vitality of life. They will have a hard time focussing a train of thought due to fragmented inputs of information and develop discordant relationships/behaviors in response. They will have trouble understanding complex concepts and require narratives and deep thoughts to be broken down and spoon-fed to them, rather than contemplated and dots-connected on their own.

In the most drastic cases, a person may kill themselves or those around them who they blame for their loneliness and isolation, which would be easy to imagine considering they have already died internally and cannot feel pain for those they are harming.

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