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1990jeevas · 3 years

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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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nctloveclub · 4 years

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mamihlapinatapai

– pairing: mark lee x reader

– genre: angst!

– words: 2.25k

– a/n: its been a while since ive posted but i hope you like it :D i hope to get back into writing after putting it off for so long :(

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

you and mark were best friends, but the two of you haven't known each other long

like usually best friends have known each other since their childhood but you and mark had met in your second year of high school !

it wasn't anything extraordinary just simple. he ended up coming to class late and he had picked the seat next to you.

it was strange at first because it was like ??? ummm who ??? my friend usually sits there ???? (but they were home sick that day oooooh)

so the next day mark sits in the same seat next to you and when you're friend walks in they give you a look and you just shrug

they give you a wink and just sit in the seat in front of you

then that's when mark actually starts talking to you

hes a little shy at first just introducing himself to you and you do the same

at lunch mark ends up finding you and sits across from you

not gonna lie the air is a little awkward but two of you take the lunch period to actually talk and get to know each other

you find out that you had actually went to the same middle school but just in different friend crowds

the conversation was just simple

that's a word that would describe yours' and mark's relationship: simple

he was a breath of fresh air

he was something new, someone who you got along with

over the course of the year, the two of you had actually gotten closer and mark had actually befriended your other friend

"sorry i took your seat...."

your friend just looks at him and laughs, "dude its fine it's just a seat. if anything im glad you helped my little y/n get out of their shell."

you send a playful glare at your friend's way and continue the conversation you had with mark

eventually, your third year of high school has begun and the both of you are extremely close, like no one can separate the two of you

youre sad when you find out mark and you only share the same lunch period, having the same classes but different periods

"it's alright, i'll see you at lunch." he smiles and you nod, mark walking you to your first period

you dread your first day, making small talk with the people around you but you don't mind, impatiently waiting till lunch starts

you and mark immediately meet up, looking for a place to sit in the crowded cafeteria

you sit in a somewhat secluded area, there are still tables surrounding you but it's mostly away from the crowd

the two of you catch up and talk about how your first day has been going

soon enough lunch ends and mark's walking you to your 6th period

the day comes to an end and mark is waiting for you at the front of school, waiting to walk you home

"you know you don't have to walk me, you literally live in the opposite direction." you say as the two of you begin your walk

"i know, i do it because i want to." he replies nonchalantly and for the first time you feel something in your stomach

you feel butterflies in your stomach when mark walks you to your doorstep and they intensify when he gives you a hug before leaving

you watch as mark walks in the direction of his home and cant but wonder what the hell you were feeling

the school year continues to go on and everyday feels like a routine

mark walks you to school and first period, the day goes on, you meet at lunch and he walks you home

but as everyday passes, you cant help but feel more butterflies creep in your stomach as you see mark or when he holds your hand

what you didnt know was that mark had felt the same way, he had started to feel nervous around you, that he couldn’t think straight around you, you made his heart race and his face heat up

he started to become more affectionate towards you, holding your hand more often and wrapping his arm around you casually and also occasionally giving you forehead kisses

mark was just the sweetest boy ever and you couldn't believe that he really was your best friend, he made you feel like you were in a movie, that you were a protagonist in a love novel

he made you feel like you were on clouds and that whenever you were with him you felt like home

it took time for you to fully realize that you had fallen in love with your best friend

mark had also started to pick up on the fact that you were constantly blushing around him and he made you nervous

he felt a weight lifted off his chest, that maybe you reciprocated the feelings he had for you* but as they say, all good things must come to an end eventually

mark had told you that he wanted to become an idol, that music was his passion and something he wanted to pursue

of course you were supportive of him, you wanted to give the whole world to him

you always gave him words of encouragement and praised him for his talent

"remember me when you're famous mark." you say to him one day

"come on y/n, i'll never forget you. besides who said im gonna be famous one day, what if i don't end up making it anywhere?"

your eyes gape at him. "'mark are you serious? of course you're gonna be famous. you're one if the most talented people i know. if anyone were to become famous it would be you, you deserve it. you've worked so hard to achieve your dreams and you're an amazing rapper.

dont ever undermine yourself mark. and if anything, i'll always be here for you. i'll always be here to support you"

mark almost starts crying at your words and he can see the look the in your eyes that meant you meant every word you said

he didn't know what he did in his past life to deserve you but he's glad that he was able to meet you that fateful day

so mark begins his own training, starting to write songs, practice singing and dancing to become an idol

he tells you at lunch one day that a kpop company was gonna be holding global auditions next week and that he's gonna try

you're obviously excited for him and tell him to not worry and that he's gonna make it, that the company would be an absolute fool to not recruit him

then next week comes and mark misses a day of because of auditions

you don't mind, sending him a quick message telling him good luck !!! you got this dude :D

_also you'll be fine stop worrying :_p

the next day mark is back at school and he's anxiously waiting for the company to contact him to see if he made it to the second round

you notice it and reassure him that he'll be fine

but he looks at you and you notice that there's also something else on his mind, you don't question him yet though. he doesn't seem in the right head space

"mark what's wrong?" you ask as mark walks you home

your hand is intertwined in his, and he’s looking down on the sidewalk,

he looks up at you, "what do you mean?"

"at lunch, you seemed pretty anxious about the audition, but something else seemed off about you."

"well yeah im nervous. i think im gonna make it though, the audition was fine." he tells you and your brows furrow

"then whats the problem?" you ask, your voice more quiet

"the company is based in korea. i mean you already knew that but still. if i make it to second and end up passing it, i'll be moving to korea to become an idol." mark explains and your heart stops for a bit

the realization has sunk in your head

all this time you've been encouraging mark and letting him live out his dream but you never realized that you were gonna end up losing him

you feel your eyes start to water and you look up at him, already looking back at you

"dont cry, please." he tells you softly, bringing you into a hug, "i dont want to lose you but i can't hold you back." you whisper into his chest

"but what about us?" he asks, his voice sad

that question was hung in the air, what was gonna happen to you and mark?

you had come to fact that you were in love with him but this was his dream

maybe you could be selfish once, to tell him to stay, to try and pursue a career here, at home

but that wouldn't be fair to mark, this was something he dreamed about, you wouldn't allow yourself be the reason he stayed home

"nothing is gonna happen to us, i'll still be here to support you, even if you're thousands of miles away, i'll always be here for you."

the rest of the walk to your house was quiet, mark having attached you to his side and he didnt seem to plan to let you go anytime soon

when you arrived at your house, mark held you into his arms and his eyes looked into yours

you noticed the gleam in them, full of sadness and longing

you felt your mind screaming at you, to make the first move, to show mark how much you love him before it's too late

but you couldn't bring yourself to do it, it'd be too selfish

mark felt the same emotional turmoil

he wanted to hold you in his arms and just spend the rest of his life with you

he could see the sadness in your eyes and he realized what he would truly be giving up to achieve his dreams

his mind wanted him to just confess his love there, to just cup your cheeks and press his lips to yours

as the two of you gazed into each others eyes, you both came to the realization that you were both feeling the same thing

but the two of you couldn't bring yourself to do it, and with that you separated

mark had finally let go of your waist and you both moved away

you walk into your home and mark went to his

the next day mark tells you he made it to the second round and you give him a smile

a smile mark can see right through

he knows how heartbroken you feel and the pain you feel

he just wished he wasnt the cause of it

the school year is coming to an end and you'll become a senior

mark had ended up passing the second audition and he and his family would be moving to korea

the day he told you, you broke into tears

tears of joy and happiness but also of pain

you were beyond ecstatic for him, he was finally gonna achieve his dream of becoming an idol

but he was leaving, and you wouldnt know if he was ever gonna come back

the school year ends and mark tells you that he'll be moving to korea next week, where he'll be training and starting his senior year

you dread the next couple days

you and mark are inseparable, spending all the time you can before he goes

time goes by quick, one minute the two of you are having a movie night in your living room and the next you're saying your goodbyes at the airport

"i'm sorry y/n" mark tells you

"for what"

"for leaving."

"hey don't be sorry for that, you're pursuing something thats gonna make you happy and that's all i ever want from you, for you to be happy." you say, tears falling from your eyes

mark starts to cry at your words, his thumbs moving to wipe away your tears, which actually make them fall harder

he brings you into a hug and you look up at him and stare into his eyes one last time

the eyes that always made you happy, the eyes that always looked at you in adoration,

the eyes that always made you feel at home

the two can feel the longing the other holds, but you both can't bring yourself to do it

as the two of you continue to hug until mark has to leave you whisper the three words you've yearned to tell him

"i love you." you say, looking right into his eyes

"i love you too."

you hear mark's parents call for him, telling him that they have to board soon

the two of you finally separate and you're full on crying

mark begins to walk off before turning around and giving you one last smile, one you return through your tears

you watch as mark board and you wait and watch as his plane leaves, officially separating you from the boy you love

mark looks out the plane window, watching as the airport begins to get smaller and smaller

he lets out a sigh and feels his heart ache

you take out your phone and text mark, knowing he'll see it when he lands

i love you, dont forget me when you're famous ;)

"oh how could i ever forget you"

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hemlockyy · 3 years

Text

And The Saga Continues

By saga I mean me supervising this 'fake RbbSbb' account on twitter because I want to.

also Im going to separate the posts by day, if anything else happens I'll retweet and add it on this one. Tommorow its a separate post.

If you're intrested to see the first bit (two separate days in a post, one in which I found and then kept retweeting what happened after weeks (?) of not checking on it) (! I do reccomend reading the previous one)

so if you're intrested look up the tag #Fake-RbbSbb in my account.

Sooooo as expected our buddy changed his bio to 11, which supports my speculation that it was (obviously) a countdown to Louis' show.

nothing new on the following/pfp/header etc...

They did tweet some things, but I'll touch on that later, first off the likes: It seems they are continuously trying to raise attention towards Rbb (and Rbb only???) being back in two weeks by sending anonymous statements in peoples CCs.

Also they liked this HIV support tweet- and I found that sweet so im also adding it in, because aweareness is key.

aswell as replying back with their usual variation of two emojis:

No sign of Android anywhere, just WebApp™.

Now onto the tweets:

Just like with the 12 they posted yesterday, today they posted an 11. And I got curious to know where abouts they were setting the time to:

If whatever I triod to do here is too complicated (even I dont understand it lmao) basically:

In LA posting time would've been 23:29

In London posting time would've been: 07:29

so if they wanted to (and im speculating this because I did not check) update it on midnight lets say (or close to), then logically the tweet would've come from LA.

Now this thing which then tells us there will be a pattern of when they'll update the countdown

The thing I found weird right, is that they're doing a countdown (supposedly) to Louis' show. So why update on LA time?

Next thing they posted was this:

'Well Meet at the end of the Road' at a first glance you'd guess they're talking about the countdown.

But oh to know who Rudolph Valentino was...

I'll put some intresting quotes I found of him here, you can skip all of this if you want, I'll do a short resume at the end of the indented.

"He was a sex symbol of the 1920s, who was known in Hollywood as the Latin Lover (a title invented for him by Hollywood moguls), The Great Lover, or simply Valentino.[1] His premature death at the age of 31 caused mass hysteria among his fans and further propelled his status as a cultural film icon."

"The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse was released in 1921 and became a commercial and critical success" + "For his follow-up film, they forced him into a bit part in a B-film called Uncharted Seas.(1921)" + "Rambova, Mathis, Ivano, and Valentino began work on the Alla Nazimova film Camille.(1921)" + "Valentino's final film for Metro was the Mathis-penned 'The Conquering Power.(1921) "

thats 4 movies in a year!! Talk about overworked- (depending on how long they were)

"After quitting Metro, Valentino took up with Famous Players-Lasky, forerunner of the present-day Paramount Pictures, a studio known for films that were more commercially focused."

"Jesse L. Lasky intended to capitalize on the star power of Valentino, and cast him in a role that solidified his reputation as the "Latin lover"

"In The Sheik (1921), Valentino played the starring role of Sheik Ahmed Ben Hassan. The film was a major success and defined not only his career but his image and legacy."

"Famous Players produced four more feature-length films over the next 15 months" + "His leading role in Moran of the Lady Letty(1922) was of a typical Douglas Fairbanks nature" + "Valentino starred alongside Gloria Swanson in Beyond the Rocks(1922)" + "Valentino began work on another Mathis-penned film, Blood and Sand(1922)" + "During his forced break from Rambova, the pair began working separately on the Mathis-penned The Young Rajah(1922)"

15 months 4 movies. and again I will stress the 'capitalize the star power' over there.

Seems too familiar tbh.

"Missing Rambova, Valentino returned to New York after the release of The Young Rajah. They were spotted and followed by reporters constantly."

*cough* *cough* "spotted"

"During this time, Valentino began to contemplate not returning to Famous Players, although Jesse Lasky already had his next picture, The Spanish Cavalier, in preparation. After speaking with Rambova and his lawyer Arthur Butler Graham, Valentino declared a 'one-man strike' against Famous Players.[31]"

About the lawsuit:

"He was also upset over the broken promise of filming Blood and Sand in Spain, and the failure to shoot the next proposed film in either Spain or at least New York. Valentino had hoped while filming in Europe he could see his family, whom he had not seen in 10 years.[27]"

"In September 1922, he refused to accept paychecks from Famous Players until the dispute was solved, although he owed them money" + "Famous Players, in turn, filed suit against him.[33]"

"Valentino did not back down,[33] and Famous Players realized how much they stood to lose." + "the studio tried to settle by upping his salary" + "Variety erroneously announced the salary increase as a "new contract" before news of the lawsuit was released, and Valentino angrily rejected the offer.[31]"

"Valentino went on to claim that artistic control was more of an issue than the money." + "Famous Players made their own public statements deeming him more trouble than he was worth (the divorce, bigamy trials, debts) and that he was temperamental, almost diva-like. They claimed to have done all they could and that they had made him a real star.[33]

"Other studios began courting him." + "However, Famous Players exercised its option to extend his contract, preventing him from accepting any employment other than with the studio." + "Valentino filed an appeal, a portion of which was granted. Although he was still not allowed to work as an actor, he could accept other types of employment.[33]"

Return To The Movies

"Valentino returned to the United States in reply to an offer from Ritz-Carlton Pictures (working through Famous Players)" + "Rambova negotiated a two-picture deal with Famous Players and four pictures for Ritz-Carlton.[37] He accepted, turning down an offer to film an Italian production of Quo Vadis in Italy"

PERSONAL LIFE!!!!

"Valentino once told gossip columnist Louella Parsons that: "The women I love don't love me. The others don't matter". He claims that despite his success as a sex symbol that in his personal love life he never achieved happiness.[62]"

"Valentino impulsively married actress Jean Acker, who was involved with actresses Grace Darmond and Alla Nazimova. Acker became involved with Valentino in part to remove herself from the lesbian love triangle, quickly regretted the marriage, and locked Valentino out of their room on their wedding night."

"From the time he died in 1926 until the 1960s, Valentino's sexuality was not generally questioned in print.[67][68] At least four books, including the notoriously libelous Hollywood Babylon, suggested that he may have been gay despite his marriage to Rambova.[69][70][71][72][73] For some, the marriages to Acker and Rambova, as well as the relationship with Pola Negri, add to the suspicion that Valentino was gay and that these were "lavender marriages."

"Such books gave rise to claims that Valentino had a relationship with Ramón Novarro, despite Novarro stating they barely knew each other." + "These books also gave rise to claims that he may have had relationships with both roommates Paul Ivano and Douglas Gerrad, as well as Norman Kerry, and openly gay French theatre director and poet Jacques Hébertot." + "However, Ivano maintained that it was untrue and both he and Valentino were heterosexual.[24] Biographers Emily Leider and Allan Ellenberger generally agree that he was most likely straight"

like every historian would say: "they were just good friends"

"further supposed evidence that Valentino was gay; documents in the estate of the late author Samuel Steward indicated that Valentino and Steward were sexual partners.[77] However, evidence found in Steward's claim was subsequently found to be false, as Valentino was in New York on the date Steward claimed a sexual encounter occurred in Ohio."

- Via Wikipedia

These are the few quotes from his wekipedia page in which I literally gaped at...

So in short:

Sex Symbol who was an Actor

Got his image enhanced and exploited by his manager.

Constanly Overworked

Relationships used for PR (?)

Thought about leaving his management which led to a 'one man strike' and a lawsuit.

The lawsuit started off because of finantial reasons, but it was revealed it was more because of fucking creative freedom.

Management tried to reason with him, he didn't back down. And they continued to do so before an article of the 'lawsuit' was made public, he didn't accept any.

Management tried to paint Valentino as 'ungrateful' and that they were the reason he was a star.

When other people tried to get Valentino to work with/for them, his management stopped him by "threatening to extend the contract" (?) which prevented him from acting.

His sexuality was never really questioned due to the many relationships with woman he had (one which literally was a lesbian)

Lavender Marriages / PR marriages

After his death, speculation that he dated many men came up.

One even said they did the dEEd, but its impossible because they were both in separate countries duh, right? RIGhT????

The way we can literally compare this with Harry's situation (and maybe Louis' aswell!!!) is literally hurting my mind.

Also adding that @eyupdaisy is helping me a lot, kuddos to her aswell. She found this:

If you search the actual name of the post 'We will meet at the end of the trail' on google, this picture comes up

Which the HT account made a very lovely and subtle connection to it a few days ago

Guess well have to start lowkey monitoring them too? Or maybe just what they interact with the Mr.R acc...

wait- max images reached ;-;

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urkpoppsychic · 4 years

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Ateez reading: personality + current life situation & relationships?!

Hongjoong

Personality: A friend you can count on. He is adored by others and is very protective for his loved ones. He have a lots of knowledgeable person. He have highly developed social skills. He can be a good mentor for advice. He trust is heart. He needs to take a step back and face his fears, or at least admit that they have them. He someone who is unable to admit. He focus more on appearance rather than how things actually are. He need learn to love himself more.

Current life situation: I see there is friendship between him and the girl that he likes, He feel the friendship gets more closer. He feels that the unit is great and positive and he wants to offer a stable relationship. I can lead to romantic feelings.

relationships: single but he is liking a friend of him k-idol

Seonghwa

Personality: Someone who focusing on their longtime goals and ambitious. He really have a love for travel around places and see the world. He is fast learner and is not easy to keep up with. Patience is not their strong point. Someone who often finds themselves in hardships and struggles. He needs a sense of freedom when relationships, jobs, and projects ends. He is struggling with being happy. He knows he need to heal and dream about better times. He can sometimes have his cold and distant moments. He is after all very creative and talentful. He is also person who gives someone a helping hand in need. He is likes please other people but they and up carrying all the responsibility.

Current life situation: There is a girl that he likes but something happend where he felt like that this is not the situation he wants to be in… The girl was hiding something from him and it felt like a red flag for him.. he feels really dissapointed and he wants to leave and let go of this situation.

relationships: single.

Yunho

Personality: He is someone who is great organized and planning ahead. He have great inner strength and power. He is the charge of his own destiny. He can act a little arrogant and act like they are part of royal family. He is self-confident and optimistic and thoroughly enjoying his life. He i stress-free person and is very chill, He is sexy and he knows it. sometimes can get carried away in the moment. He might be very intuitive and positive. He work hard to make others happy so that their own happiness can stay untained. He really want the perfect family, house, job and relationship. and staying on top of everything can be hard work indeed. He have a strong idealistic values and they are very romantic. He put his kids and partner on pedestals.

Current life situation: He is working right now, on something that he put alot of effort and its like a lot of hard work. But this guy don´t want to give up, He protect it and he have courages to finish what he is doing. He is listening to his own intuition and he is patience. He believe in himself. He do a good job.

relationships: single but crushing

Yeosang

Personality: He is person who counting his blessings and feeling grateful, he has happiness within himself. He also love to make others happy, He believes that true love exist. He is also a stress-free person. He don´t deal with toxic people. He is also very romantic. He also have the inner strength in him and can also be arrogant at some times. He love new ideas into their routine. He is very sensitive and takes things to heart and ends up being on the receiving end of other people´s cruel behaviour.

Current life situation: complicated situation is heading at the current moment with his life its looks like a conflict with with others (not a member maybe with some other friends). He is ready to handle things differently and doesnt want people stand in his way, he is the one who is powerful within himself. He is taking his time for himself. Be alone and relfect. In his mancave.

relationships: single

San

Personality: He is someone who have a goodwill and is very kind to others. Very sensual and he must learn to respect his own and others boundaries. He can be childlike. Sometimes this man can get go stuck in their past. they seem like the happiest person but often hiding his tears with a smile. He is wise and smart, he enjoy spending time alone. He loves the finer things in life. He know who he is and is not afraid to be himself. He feels unstable and crabby when he is under pressure. He connect with his heart and ask themselves what he really wants. He sometimes need to spend more time alone.

Current life situation: In this current moment San thinks that things are happen ast for him to handle. He kinda feels worries and anxious about it he will get more insights in the situation. but he is on a good path and he do really goodjob by trying to let go of his fears. This reading tell me more about his personal growth and his feelings and thoughts about right at the moment.

relationships: single but crushing on k-idol

Mingi

Personality: He is someone who is always grateful for which friends, family, group and workplace they have. Because his loved ones means everything to him. He loves to make stable and solid connections with friends, family and community. He is someone who love to play then be serious. He seemed to be always busy and doing something. He really needs special love and extra attention. They need to know by friends and partners that he is special for them. He He is easily overpowered which it feeds his low self-image. He kinda give up easily. Believing that he is a failure.

Current life situation: He is being secretive about something and its have to do with a new girl, he gonna grow new romantic feelings for her. but this girl doesn´t know it yet. He is gonna plan how to see where this will go. But i feel it warns him that the timing isnt really right for him to involve with a girl yet.

relationships: having a crush but single pringle.

Wooyoung

Personality: He is someone who is carefree and playful. He is impulsive and is usually always on the move. Very active and is desiring to travel. He really appreciate his freedom above all else and they have an optimistic attitude towards life. He is very courageous and generous. He love challanges. He is very confident. He sometimes he may feel regrets and dissapointment. He is kinda hard to please. This is someone who deal with victim mentally, focusing on regrets and loss and failures. He is an excellent friend to be with. But sometimes he cant understand you by the things he never experience with. He need sometimes more patience with himself. He is someone who fight a battle with himself, fighting the world.

Current life situation: there is a lots of situation that there was a big victory, big positive news but i see that he dont see it as a positive way. He dont see the light in his own victory that he achieves. He just dont see it in that way. He is battling with his heart and mind.

relationships: single

Jongho

Personality: Someone who seeks success and happiness away from the material world. He knows there is something better out there and they want to get it. He is often introverted if he seeking inner meaning and anwers. He is very unattainable and private. He is also sensiitive and a weak heart. He crave comfort from others he wants to feel secure. He seems often having conflicts with himself for what he really wants. When opportunity present themself, they often miss them due tor their lack of focus. He is really friendly and soft and easy going.

Current life situation: He is also achieving big positive outcomes right now, like winning awards. He feels happy and completed by his career. He is learning about that his movements but he kinda also feel a bit stuck with himself. feeling lack of confidence.

relationships: single

#ateez #jongho #wooyoung #mingi #San #Yeosang #Yunho #Seonghwa #hongjoong #Readings #kpop predictions #personality #love life #current situation

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sandeepmaheshwaritips-blog · 4 years

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Best Motivational Quotes to Overcome Anxiety and Depression

Moving statements and motivational quotes to overcome anxiety and depression have a stunning capacity to change the manner in which we feel about existence. This is the reason I find them so intriguing and significant on our ways to progress.

So what's their mystery?

The manner in which you contemplate yourself, including your convictions and assumptions regarding what is workable for you, decides everything that transpires.

To be successful, you have to use each day as an opportunity to grow, to find purpose in life, to be better, to get a little bit closer to your goals. It might sound like an impossible thing or a lot of work—and with a busy schedule, next to impractical. But the best part is, the more you get the results, the more you’ll want to work hard, the higher you’ll want to reach. So as long as you have the hunger for success, you will always have the power within you to achieve it.

You have full oversight over just a single thing known to mankind — your reasoning – and that is the place inspirational statements come in!

Everybody needs a little motivation now and again.

Regardless of whether you're experiencing a separation, you've recently lost your employment, or you just woke up feeling a little shaky toward the beginning of today—we've all had nowadays.

I've assembled a rundown of probably the best-overcome anxiety and depression quotes so you can begin the year by assuming responsibility for your considerations, thinking emphatically and defining new objectives.

Dont Forget to read the best Dalai Lama Quotes and Sayings to bring a positive change in your life.

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Suess

Motivational and Inspirational Quotes

“I think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.” —Doug Hutchison

"I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.” – Abraham Lincoln

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama

“Feelings don’t try to kill you, even the painful ones. Anxiety is a feeling grown too large. A feeling grown aggressive and dangerous. You’re responsible for its consequences, you’re responsible for treating it. But…you’re not responsible for causing it. You’re not morally at fault for it. No more than you would be for a tumor.” ― Patrick Ness, The Rest of Us Just Live Here

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Stephen King

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West

“Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” — Seneca

“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“How can a person deal with anxiety? You might try what one fellow did. He worried so much that he decided to hire someone to do his worrying for him. He found a man who agreed to be his hired worrier for a salary of $200,000 per year. After the man accepted the job, his first question to his boss was, “Where are you going to get $200,000 per year?” To which the man responded, “That’s your worry.” ― Max Lucado

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” —Dolly Parton

“Do all the good you can, for all the people you can, in all the ways you can, as long as you can.” — Hillary Clinton

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.” — Ashton Kutcher

“Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work. I live by that. You grind hard so you can play hard. At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it’ll pay off. It could be in a year, it could be in 30 years. Eventually, your hard work will pay off.” — Kevin Hart

“Everything negative – pressure, challenges – is all an opportunity for me to rise.” — Kobe Bryant

“I like criticism. It makes you strong.” — LeBron James

“You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak.” ― George Clooney

“Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this.” — Celine Dion

“Life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met – obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.” — John F. Kennedy

“Live for each second without hesitation.” — Elton John

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein

“Life is really simple, but men insist on making it complicated.” — Confucius

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” — Helen Keller

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” — Steve Jobs

“My mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” — Forrest Gump

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”— Lao-Tze

“When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or the life of another.” — Helen Keller

“The healthiest response to life is joy.” — Deepak Chopra

“Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.” — Lillian Dickson

“The best portion of a good man’s life is his little nameless, unencumbered acts of kindness and of love.” — Wordsworth

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” ― Robert Frost

“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” — Charles Swindoll

“Keep calm and carry on.” — Winston Churchill

“Maybe that’s what life is… a wink of the eye and winking stars.” — Jack Kerouac

“Life is a flower of which love is the honey.” — Victor Hugo

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” — Marilyn Monroe

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.” — Buddha

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” — Dr. Seuss

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” — Mark Twain

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” — Stephen Hawking

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The greatest pleasure of life is love.” — Euripides

“Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” — Grandma Moses

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Life is about making an impact, not making an income.” — Kevin Kruse

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” – Babe Ruth

“I’ve spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won’t leave, and fearing that it’s a matter of time before they figure me out and go.” ― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

“The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it.”– Henry Ford

“In order to write about life first you must live it.”– Ernest Hemingway

“The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.”– Frank Sinatra

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”– Thomas A. Edison

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”– Albert Einstein

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”– Babe Ruth

“Money and success don’t change people; they merely amplify what is already there.” — Will Smith

“Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like it’s heaven on earth.” – (Attributed to various sources)

“Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.” – Leo Burnett

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”– Soren Kierkegaard

“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” — Oprah Winfrey

“The more you pray, the less you’ll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry. You’ll feel more patient and less pressured.” ― Rick Warren, The Purpose of Christmas

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.” – Steve Jobs

Thank you for giving your time to read these beautiful inspirational and motivational quotes about anxiety and depression. Stay connected for more.

Source: Best Motivational Quotes to Overcome Anxiety and Depression

#quotes #motivational quotes #inspirational quotes #anxiety quotes #depression quotes

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taonsil · 7 years

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I cant imagine anyone would, but anyway please no reblog ! this is just all personal junk

aa so..I just wanted to ramble a bit about my 4am breakdown tag post some more. though it was a really bad night, I think reaching that point will in the long run have been a good thing n I'm just trying to figure it all out so I can learn from it the best I can. It was just several years worth of stuff finally reaching a peak. I got into exo around debut time, but pretty casually. it wasn't until wolf era that I decided to be 100% fulltime dedicated, and it came around because I'd been struggling so much with my gender ID and being ace. I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts and basically tao turned up that one day with his leopard print shawl on and changed everything. everything seemed like it was going to be fine. he was so distant then, and he was just perfect and strong and wonderful and I got a leopard print phonecase and had my hair buzzed like his (and coincidentally I had a whole summer of amazing ace discussions with a friend due to tao ships, so that helped with that a lot). I was so so excited and motivated every single day, buying new clothes and new products because tao had made me confident in choosing a path

in 2013 my long-term plan was to use all of this happiness to transition, to get started in the career I wanted, to reach out and help other queer kids, to study hard, to get the therapy/treatment I needed for my anxiety/agoraphobia and then who knows !! maybe move out, travel to see my friends. I was doing a lot of art that involved customising and selling and hoped to go places with that. 2014 was the best year of my whole life

tao leaving, really it just coincided with work getting worse (n also with that meaning we couldn’t travel any more to see our friends or have breaks away at all). I'm always vague on the details of this but it involves being very close to someone who's mentally and emotionally abused me and another family member into therapy before, but..needs must and all. I can’t be out around them at all. it's always been hard and it just happened to start getting a lot worse at the same time. losing sutao was so hard for me, I'd never had a relationship like theirs in my life and it made me happy every single day. I really went out of my mind waiting for news on whether he was coming back (at the time we didn't even know if he'd continue to work at all :s). when he did..it was a loss and a gain, because seeing him in a new light was strange. he went from my hero to someone I wanted to protect and defend. he's genderfluid and nd and aro and instead of looking up to him as an inspiration he just felt close and I could see so many of my bad traits in him but they were good on him, and I got so stressed and anxious every single time he dug himself into deeper holes or I thought the traits I perceived in him were going to be disproved. the two years since he left I was pretty unwell, I lost a lot of time, I wanted to die again because everything was so bad and he was all I had and it was too overwhelming at times. I never wanted to talk about it because I didn't want to be That Crazy Fan, or for my ideas to be dismissed bc of it, or for it to reflect badly on him either. some of the arguments that started cropping up in fandom brought up long buried trauma and made me analyse it way more than I'd ever wanted to. I just gave up on myself. I don't remember a lot of it. breaking away from it at the start of this year was really, really hard, but once I had it was like I'd just woken up after two years and realised I'd done nothing towards the plans I'd made when I was 23

-not to mention that I had no idea I was autistic(+ whatever else. I cant even make one appointment to look into the other possibilities bc of work lmao) until last year. I've always been diagnosed with anxiety, told to grow up, told I'm special and sweet, promised that one day with the right help I'd be fine. college was really bad and I isolated myself after it ended, and then I had to start working with family anyway, so for years it just worked out ok that I only ever went places with family and that they'd speak for me. and again, the two years lost to wherever I was with tao I just didn't think about it, until I was told it's this. and that this is just how I am, and that I'll always mentally be 12 at worst 16 at best and unable to go a day by myself without An Adult helping me out, and I'll probably never be able to like something in moderation and I'll probably never even be able to order a drink for myself let alone try and start helping charities or being involved in communities how I'd wanted

all of this + the endless problems with work, being put down every day and given all these ridiculous thankless extra hours/days, coming out of that weird tao brain fog..I realised I wasted most of my 20s without achieving any of the things I'd set out to, and with obstacles that meant I probably never would, and it made me feel really pointless. at the start of the year I'd made a lot of creative plans, but the stress of everything just knocked it all out of me. I felt bitter and upset towards all of the subjects that motivated me to be creative, and through my writing and art I’ve always tried to help and cheer up other people, but I couldn’t even enjoy it myself. I've had writers block for so long, I hate it. last week was a weird mix of receiving a lot of lovely messages about being helpful and nice etc and feeling guilty over not being uplifted by it, extra days/hours with no thanks, being hit and called stupid..I just felt like everything was over. I'd lost everything that made me feel good about being myself, I had no outlets, I'd failed at all of the goals I'd set myself. I miss tao so much but worry I'll end up in a bad way again if I go back to him full time. I keep thinking over all the ridiculous things I said in college just because I’m me and realising why no one liked me and feeling bitter over again that no one diagnosed me sooner. and trying to continue on like this knowing it's not in my power to improve most of it made me feel how I did last night, like it was just the end. but;; I think getting all of that pain and upset out and realising it was because of a lot of things, not just a bad week/month really helped.

dndhj I dont rly feel refreshed yet I just feel like a slug from crying so much. but I did see a lot of sense in the articles I was reading about what to do after having a moment like that n rebuilding things and setting new goals seems good. worrying less about my follow count and if people will think badly of me and just posting silly happy meta feels like a good way to reconnect with the things I closed off from. there's nothing I can do about work and how that is, but liking myself more again will probably help me care less OK. ok. OTL

#this is..a whole novel of garbage #anyway this is all personal so please feel free to ignore🙏#typing it all up felt good tho;; I guess it cleared my head a bit #mh placeholder tag #tw: suicide mention

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37thknight · 7 years

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okay, so i’m borderline cross with this whole ordeal so here’s my take on it

Y’ALL LIKE JUICY ANALYSIS, RIGHT?

this “jeonlous mouth thing” have been around for sometime now and i dont honestly get the negative feedback people are starting to impose on its name these days ?????

shipping in general, as much as it leaves so much of a bad taste in our mouths and as much as i hate to admit it myself, is run by the delusional (read: responsible for delusion) cogs in our minds, lubricated by the teeny-tiniest details of the pairing’s words, actions, quirks and personalities to fulfill our wild desires to prove “TRUST ME, THEY’RE BANGING EACH OTHER ” and to act as supporting evidences to back-up this “constructed reality” of what we want them to be.

the thing with jikook // koomin otp, as most other kpop pairings are, is that they’re members of the same group or band or whatever you want to classify BTS as. one way or another, they’re bound to have a relationship, may it be purely for their careers (a business relationship, as described by SHINee’s Jonghyun in one of their Happy Together guestings) or an established platonic one, heightened by the difficulties they’ve dealt with and the feats they’ve achieved as a group.

from this, we can branch out to a ton of “stuff” for a lack of better word, and i can only discuss (read: rant) so much

EXHIBIT A

bts members are friends more than co-workers and we are very much aware of that, as opposed to those groups with their contracts sufficing as the adhesive to weave each other together (c’mon, this is not a shade). i dont know about you but in a squad (a group of friends rather, if you don’t like seeing that word), it’s most probably mapped out that as humans, we’ll be drawn particularly to one of them; hence, the best friend phenomenon.

so...are they best friends? well, there’s still taehyung in the equation and there’s no way we can dismiss him like that. (side remark here: the three of them can just be each other’s best friends, you know? im aware that this is an actual, real life thing that happens to other people...but i’ve been in that circumstance and it’ll be hard juggling your attention and love equally that it's more deteriorating than beneficial to all ends) now, taking into consideration how much emphasis the whole korean culture put into respect and age, the maknae line just transcends through all that , BUT

1. jimin and taehyung are close (even regarding each other as soulmates in one of their recent fanmeetings) esp because of the fact that they’re of the same age, meaning, the level of comfort with each other is as much as korean society expects them to have. they’re not just “comfortable” brothers more than chingus though, they’re that comfortable with each other it’s beyond classifications (like there are classifications, but you get the point).

2. maknaes are very much endeared in the whole korean “age-and-respect-and-authority-and-hierarchy” landscape (can it even be called that?). jimin has shown how much he cherishes jungkook even tracing back to their predebut days up until now, successfully fulfilling the role of hyungs in korean standard whose role among many others is to take care of those younger than they are. other members also treat jungkook fairly similar or sometimes even topping jimin’s treatment to the maknae aka taehyung, whose life source is probably skinship + aegyo with other members (we’ll get to that) and the whole reason im confused who’s whose when it comes to this best friend thing

3. still in the korean view of age, you address those older than you with respect by how? c’mon, we’re all nuts about kpop how must we not know? there’s oppa, unnie, hyung and noona (this addressing thing is more of an asian thing than mere korean, really). now, here’s the catch: jungkook calls jimin hyung borderline merely (read: close to the bare minimum). a mere slip-up? a moment of the perfect mask idols need to sport, carelessly put aside? more than anything, it just fuels the fire in this situation. jungkook addresses his other hyungs with the names they need to be called, even taehyung he’s very close with. and this just show that jungkook considers jimin a chingu, one he can comfortably act towards, (just like jimin and taehyung’s relationship, being the actual chingus here) despite the apparent age difference.

i dont know if i’ve gotten to anything at this point, but i’m lenient to the concept of jimin and jungkook being the best friends which explains most of the things they do together which leads us to:

EXHIBIT B

skinship between friends, more specifically friends belonging to the same sex (gender’s a bit more complicated concept, you guys), is the most normal thing in korea. they probably are most expressive with each other to the point that it baffles foreign onlookers, a good example of which are the int’l fans.

remember what i said about taehyung? all males in korea are practically like him, even stemming from young age, being touchy-feely here and there with friends.now, ever wondered why apparently jikook is not a huge, blown out of proportion ship in korea as opposed to its stance in the international fanbase? yup, that’s because for koreans, seeing jimin and jungkook’s interaction with each other is like seeing the average same sex chingus walking downtown or their buddies at school as they do everyday. holding hands, feeling each other up, sitting on laps, pecks on the cheek (less observed), and even touching thighs, crossing the boundaries of what foreigners would deem appropriate, is common and normal (have i made my point about this issue yet? i’ve become a broken record,my goodness).basically, there is no such thing as personal space in korean culture of friends; thus, skinship is prevalent.

a very much related issue to that is korea’s view on homosexuality. no matter how peppered with the stereotypical gay (not meant to be taken offensively, guys im also a queer folk hi) interactions and copious displays of affection korea is, homophobia is still present. it’s too ridiculous that it’s become funny. you can tell me how korea has become liberated and all that shit but the thing is, they’re not. korea is just downright a conservative country (is this an offense too? oh god). korea is still anchored to the concept that people are only and only and only limited to a man-loving woman and woman-loving man. topmost reason why idols cannot come out and identify as different from the two because to deviate from the norm is supposedly throwing away tradition and rude and can spite everyone around them that they’ll lose their job.

i dont know where im going but i still am in check of what im talking about. bottomline of this exhibit is holding onto the contradicting persona of korea, jikook is all but nothing more (this is proper grammar, you guys) than a thing of delusion.

EXHIBIT C

kpop idols love to treat their fans and bts is not a loser in the game. they give back quite warmly to the fans. they deem armys highly because, nonverbatim, bts is nothing without their fans. fans are the reason among others (to dismiss their hardwork is plain rude) why they’ve made it this big. so they’ve got fanservice in store for us, the majestic element of them all, leaving us in a baffled rut whether or not our otp’s interaction are candid or sheer fanservice. THEY ALL KNOW THAT THEY’RE PAIRED WITH EACH OTHER. a gift for the fans? publicity stunts to gain the favor of their audience? whatever meaning fanservices hold in the hearts of our dear bts members, it just ups the notch of the level of our delusion when it comes to our ships

(it’s heartbreaking, i know. i didn’t even want to write this part out. if you can just sense my unwillingness to write on the matter ㅠㅠ)

EXHIBIT D

let’s go back to what actually irked me and cross me so much that it driven me nuts to the point that i actually spend my time writing this long ass rant.

“jeonlous” = a jealous jeon jungkook

now, this has gathered a negative connotation primarily but is not limited to two things:

a. “this jeonlous thing manifests a relationship with an abusive undertone” (okay, so i constructed that sentence to make their claims much more rational than it fucking is)

b. it does not make sense for jungkook (and even jimin) to get jealous of other members/fans/other people not them in general

firstly, what does it mean to be JEALOUS (can you see my eyes rolling?)

in the evolutionary, biological scale, is the exhibited response to the threats to the relationship they are in because monogamy that’s why (a reality that’s manifested almost throughout all the animal kingdom)

in psychology, is the complex emotion that’s not just about anger, abandonment, fear or sadness; it’s the simmer that’s aroused when a valued relationship is somehow not in its standard state and there is raw desire to regain the affection and/or attention. it’s even described as “a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds. it motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain an important relationship.” a clinical psychologist characterizes jealousy as something we don’t have much control over, and that it is a natural, instinctive emotion that everyone experiences at one point in their lives.

it just follows that when jealousy is at hand, people tend to do things that has become seemingly second nature tics to them. now, this is a good reason to back up the jeonlous mouth/tongue thing, how much of a mere coincidence it may be. jealousy is not bound to romantic tones; it can encompass siblings fighting for their parents’ attention or even in friendships. so that’s a yes, yup, jungkook can get jealous of other members because he has that valued relationship (refer to exhibit a) with jimin and there will be a lingering longing in him for jimin to get back at being jimin again (read: showing him affection and attention; emphasis on him)

don’t get me started at this abusive, emotionally manipulative relationship issue here because it’s just absurd and this rant will be longer than my lifespan i dont even know anymore (ok but the insecurity that is woven in the ambiguity of jealousy may also be responsible in driving someone to emotionally manipulate his partner to the point of abuse BUT JK JUST WANTS JIMIN’S ATTENTION BACK SO WHAT’S ABUSIVE HERE calling this whole ordeal abusive is too much of a stretch like really? really? y’all are actually taking this into consideration? really?)

(okay this rant had high hopes in presenting evidences to support my claims but i havent slept a wink yet and im also half angry ????)

the thing is, as much as we’re delusional in shipping jikook, y’all are just delusional claiming that the fucking quirk jungkook exhibits is abusive WHAT DO WE EVEN KNOW ABOUT WHAT THEIR ACTUAL STATUS IS IN THE FIRST PLACE goodbye y’all im just im--ugh this is so dumb

you wanna know the catch about this jeonlous thing that gets me every single time? IT’S THAT IT’S FUCKING CUTE. AND I’M SHIPPING THEM TO MY PLEASURE THAT IT GIVES ME JOY TO SEE THESE MOMENTS WHICH GIVES ME LITTLE SPARKS OF HOPE THAT MAYBE THEY’RE MORE THAN FRIENDS YEAH I KNOW IM DELUSIONAL BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE IT’S CUTE and that’s good enough reason for me to fawn over their “supposed” romance

y’all are hypocrites enjoying the jeonlous thing one second then next second, condemning it after reading a post and riding the mainstream. Y’ALL NEED TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN (also reevaluate the hypocrisy but oh well)

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #kookmin #bangtan #bts #kpop #rant #im ready to take the bullets #come at me bitches HAHAHA

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writingguide003-blog · 5 years

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'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/a-different-way-of-living-why-writers-are-celebrating-middle-age/

'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

Viv Albertine, Deborah Levy, Lavinia Greenlaw and Rachel Cusk are redefining life after menopause, children or divorce and it has never looked so good

When Viv Albertine performs her 2009 song Confessions of a Milf live, she alternates between two voices. Theres the saccharine lisp of a brainwashed housewife chanting home sweet home, and theres the raging chant of an angry punk proclaiming that if you decide one day that youve had enough, you can walk away. Though swans and seahorses mate for life, we aint so nice.

In the 70s, when Albertine performed with her punk band, the Slits, she appeared fully immersed in her performance of exuberant anger, but also strikingly unformed, too busy bouncing and shouting to hold the gaze of her audience. Then, she retained the vulnerability of her younger self, but there was a steeliness underlying it. Now she stares out at us, no longer interested in hiding.

I chose being an artist over being a wife, the housewife sings, predicting sadly that now Im gonna lead a very lonely life. But then the punk takes the lines over and the life shes going to lead becomes very lovely. By the end the two voices have exploded into one and theres a joyfully furious torrent of wife wife wife life life life that ends with a list of the household activities that are being abandoned by the housewife and reclaimed by the artist: cooking, cleaning, baking, washing, faking, fucking, cleaning, shopping.

In her recent memoir To Throw Away Unopened, Albertine describes deciding to return to music after more than a decade as a housewife, ending her marriage as a result. In the past century of fiction, the middle-aged male protagonist has sprawled and rutted his way to a kind of bathetic greatness in the hands of Philip Roth, John Updike and Saul Bellow. The middle-aged woman has appeared far less often as a protagonist questing for a style and identity, but that is changing fast.

Enjoying the freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings Viv Albertine. Photograph: Duncan Bryceland/Rex

Albertine is one of several writers this year to tackle lives that follow divorce and the menopause. Lavinia Greenlaws forthcoming novel is a middle-aged love story. Deborah Levy uses the moment of transition from one life to another to fashion a new story about femininity in her living autobiography The Cost of Living. Like Albertines, Levys career began in an era when the young insisted on their own youthfulness. Whats striking is that both writers have found a way to incarnate their middle-aged selves in new voices that dont reject the spontaneity of punk but reinvent it in a quieter yet no less vigorous form.

It was possible that femininity, as I had been taught it, had come to an end, Levy writes, tired of serene femininity and of corporate femininity. There were not that many women I knew who wanted to put the phantom of femininity together again … it is a role (sacrifice, endurance, cheerful suffering) that has made some women go mad.

The task is both to create a new life and to redefine what being a woman means. Albertine returns to singing and buys a new haphazard home for herself and her daughter. Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat, where she mends the plumbing in her nightie and transports her groceries on a liberating electric bike. One female friend teaches her to live with colour and another provides a writing shed.

Deborah Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat. Photograph: Sheila Burnett

For both writers, theres a particular pleasure in the physical freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings. Its easy to assume, as a young woman for whom being desired matters above all else, that much will be lost when men start looking at younger women. But Levy and Albertine enjoy it when men are no longer central. I get the same lurching thrill now when Im about to sit down to an egg mayonnaise sandwich and a packet of plain crisps as I used to get when I fancied someone, Albertine remarks. Ive had two great loves: my mother and my daughter.

Albertine is here in a lineage with Germaine Greer, who published The Change in 1992 aged 53, and has recently reissued it with new material. Greer urges women to accept the changes of age. She suggests that HRT, used to minimise the symptoms of the menopause, is part of a male-centric conspiracy to contain the wisdom and rage of older women. There are positive aspects to being a frightening old woman, she writes.

Greer describes how, aged 50, she looked ahead into what seemed like winter, ice, an interminable dark. But having grieved for her younger self, she finds freedom and calm on the other side, attained through giving up on sex. Younger women might find it impossible to believe that when they are no longer tormented by desire, insecurity, jealousy they wont be as dead as a spent match, but they can look forward to a whole new realm of experience.

Beguilingly, Greer compares the difference between the clamorous feelings of the younger woman and the calmness of the apparently withdrawn older woman to the difference between how the sea appears to someone tossing on its surface, and how it looks to someone who has plunged so deep that she has felt death in her throat. The older woman can love deeply and tenderly because she loves without the desire for possession.

Free to command attention in new and more authentic ways Doris Lessing circa 1975. Photograph: Express/Getty Images

Women through the decades have claimed something of this liberation through age. When I first read Doris Lessing, I wasnt convinced by her announcement in a 1972 interview (when she was 53) that the physical changes of middle age had been one of the most valuable experiences that I personally have ever had. Now Ive come to admire her explanation that in middle age a whole dimension of life slides away, and you realise that what, in fact, youve been using to get attention has been what you look like, leaving you free to command attention in new and more authentic ways.

Lessings 1973 novel The Summer Before the Dark is a great portrayal of this moment of transition, and a book ready to be rediscovered. Kate Brown, a pretty, healthy, serviceable housewife, becomes disillusioned when her children leave home and her husband has one too many affairs. She accepts a job as a translator for an international conference, dyes her hair a sleek red and has an affair with a younger man. But its in what follows that her real discoveries are made. She becomes sick and spends weeks in a hotel, consumed by a fever that sends her deep into herself and then leaves her alone, stranded far away from her married life, curiously free. Wandering the streets in ill-fitting clothes with dishevelled hair, she discovers what it is to be ignored by men. And when she returns home, she insists on keeping her hair as it is: plain, greying, tied neatly behind her head, as Lessings was when she wrote it. Her discoveries, her self-definition, what she hoped were now strengths were concentrated here she was saying no: no, no, no, NO a statement which would be concentrated into hair.

This is a charged yet odd novel, as baggy as Kates clothes. Characters are introduced and discarded; Kate begins one phase of life after another apparently at random. One of Lessings achievements was to find a structural equivalent for the mental state of middle age. As children leave home and sexuality changes, several women describe being left with a feeling that the script they grew up with has run out. This is both frightening and exhilarating. And it opens the way for a new kind of plot.

Illustration: Nathalie Lees/Guardian

So the love stories with middle-aged women as protagonists take on a more episodic form, with love itself presented as an ambivalent prize. In 2016 there was AL Kennedys Serious Sweet, a romance between two damaged loners. And now theres Lavinia Greenlaws In the City of Loves Sleep, published next month, which offers us a story of lovers neither beautiful nor certain nor young. This is an elegantly meandering tale in which the lovers repeatedly connect only to lose interest in each other, stuck in a kind of endless middleness. Perhaps falling in love in middle age is in part the desire to experience fixity again, the narrator muses. But the drive for fixity is thwarted by the form of this novel, which is determinedly fluid, as if in search of a style appropriate for the fluidity of the middle part of life.

Levy experiments with form in The Cost of Living, discarding the traditional literary structure as she discards the marital home, and creating a memoir out of a collage of deftly interconnected fragments. Objects perform a lot of the work here, often appearing to know more than the humans who surround them. When the I no longer quests for the familiar goals of love and marriage, the authorial persona becomes a subtler figure, glimpsed through shadows. Levys bike threatens to become a major character and relegate her to a minor player, though we can see Levy winking at us as it does so, less shadowy than she might appear.

Nowhere is the narrator more occluded than in Rachel Cusks spare, strange trilogy Outline, Transit and Kudos. On one level, these are novels about a marriage ending and a woman, Faye, seeking new forms of freedom as her children move towards independence. In Outline, Faye describes herself as trying to find a different way of living in the world. But though Cusk is interested in questioning ideas of femininity, she seems most concerned with using the dissolution of familiar structures to seek a new concept of selfhood and a new structure for the novel.

By Kudos, the characters all speak in the same international voice and the narrators experiences at the hands of men are interchangeable with those of all the other divorced middle-aged women she encounters. One of these, Sophia, observes that shes coming to think that too much has been made of the distinctions between men, when at the time the whole world had appeared to depend on whether I was with one, rather than another. By this point the committed reader is coming to think something of the same about characters in general. Perhaps in all our novel reading, weve made too much of the importance of individual characters, when it turns out to be more general truths that matter.

The truths revealed here resonate with those explored by Levy and Albertine. Near the end of Kudos, Faye has a revealing encounter with a woman called Felcia, who has just lost the final battle of her marriage for custody of her car. Now, cycling exhaustedly across the city, impoverished, mocked even by her mother (Look at what all your equality has done for you), Felcia accepts that she has not found freedom by leaving him: in fact what I had done was forfeit all my rights.

Its not wholly a coincidence that a bicycle should play a central role here, as in Levy. Bikes have served as symbols of independent womanhood since the turn of the last century. Felcia, cycling around stoically, has something of Levy and Albertines doggedness and dignity in countering the assaults of the world. She hasnt gained the freedom she sought in separation, but its also clear that she couldnt have remained with a man prepared to treat her as her ex-husband does. Freedom, in all these books, becomes less of a good in itself once the struggles become primarily practical. But this doesnt invalidate the initial urge for freedom that takes these women out of their marriages. Its an urge towards a life lived in good faith, which is what all of Cusks characters are struggling in their different ways to do. The peculiarly even quality of Cusks prose doesnt just provide a literary equivalent of the middle years, it points us towards the thought that the way to act with integrity may be to relinquish the struggle for individuality, though the singularity of her style always works bracingly against this.

An urge towards a life lived in good faith Rachel Cusk. Photograph: Richard Saker for the Observer

Cusk presents us with a radical new vision of communality at this stage of life, one which asks us to consider that we dont yet know what solidarity is. This takes us back to Levy, guided in her new life by her female friends, and to Albertine, accepting that the love that means most is the love of women. And it opens up the question of feminism.

Greers suggestion in The Change is that men have been denying women the right to a quietly sex-free middle age in championing HRT. In this context, the acceptance of middle age becomes a feminist act, and the same seems to have been true for Lessing in 1973, whatever her crotchety scepticism about womens lib. Certainly Kates rage in The Summer Before the Dark is rage at men who have told her she will be fulfilled by appealing to their lust. It was a rage, it seemed to her, that she had been suppressing for a lifetime. This is a woman poised to explode into Albertines cries of wife wife wife life life life.

Its significant that the women Albertine has loved most are her mother and daughter. The death of Albertines mother is a central event in her book, as Levys mothers is in hers, offering one form of feminist connection. Albertine describes learning her rage at the patriarchy from her mother. Dont ever give the biggest slice of cake to a man, you take it for yourself! she informed her daughters. And now in middle age, Albertine feels that she is turning into her mother. I can see [the patriarchy], I can hear it, I can feel it, and Im burning up because of it. Levy, looking back with love on the war between myself and my mother, quotes the US writer and activist Audre Lorde: I am a reflection of my mothers secret poetry as well as of her hidden angers.

Read alongside the reflections on the death of the old forms of femininity, this allows the older generation of women to have a voice in the poetry and anger of the present. And Lorde herself is a mother figure for these writers; the essays collected in last years posthumous collection Your Silence Will Not Protect You have something of the energy of punk. Im saying that we must never close our eyes to the terror, she told Adrienne Rich in an interview when in her 40s, recovering from breast cancer and reconstructing her sense of herself in middle age. At this point it seemed vital to attend to the chaos which is black which is creative which is female which is dark which is rejected which is messy which is sinister, smelly, erotic, confused, upsetting.

The erotic is significant here, connected as it is to the dark and the messy. The role of the erotic in middle age troubles many of these writers. Greenlaws Iris finds that the rigmarole of undressing for sex with a new lover feels like a foolish masquerade: They are two middle-aged people trying to persuade themselves into sex on a Sunday afternoon. Things improve when they forget about surfaces and allow themselves something more diffuse. But if Lessing and Greer advise abandoning sex altogether, Lorde insists that the erotic remains key to everything. This is no longer the young girl taking pleasure in being looked at by men. In Lordes hands the erotic transcends narcissism and patriarchy and becomes the force that binds our sense of self with the chaos of our strongest feelings. This is a force that connects women to each other and perhaps especially to their mothers. Lorde advised all women to listen to the black mother within them, who she believed countered Descartes with: I feel, therefore I can be free. It seems all the more appropriate that Levy should think of Lorde in mourning her own mother.

Yet this is not a simple tale of freedom-seeking daughters realising their mothers hopes for a better world. Theres a disillusionment, too, because if feminism has now become mainstream, theres a danger of it becoming an accoutrement of a society that hasnt changed in the ways that the feminists of the 1960s and 70s hoped it would. This is presented as clearly not good enough. If the news upsets me I just switch it off, sings the housewife in Albertines song. But what more can she do in her angrier punk incarnation? Is it better to watch the news? To sing and write about it? Is this a necessary component of the freedom of the middle-aged woman? And will it help her feel more free or just enable her to be committedly feminist as she seeks her freedom?

Freedom and calm on the other side Germaine Greer. Photograph: Yui Mok/PA

The answer may lie partly in the complex sense of the communal evoked by all these writers. Arguably, its more necessary than ever to form communities of insight and sensitivity situated determinedly within the realm of feminism. Whats compelling in these books is that other more uncanny lines of affiliation can coexist with this. Its important that Albertine remains connected to punk, Levy to surrealism and psychoanalysis, Cusk to particular strands of European high modernism.

But we search in vain if we turn to these books for answers, partly because these writers are more interested in asking questions, and partly because they are too singular, and too defiant, to tell us what to do. Greer ends by announcing that though younger people anxiously inquire, and researchers tie themselves in knots with definitions, the middle-aged woman is about her own business, which is none of theirs. Women come racing up from behind, asking how to negotiate the next phase. But were not going to learn much because, Greer says, the middle-aged woman is climbing her own mountain, in search of her own horizon, after years of being absorbed in the struggles of others. The ground is full of bumps, the air is thin and her bones ache. Nonetheless, the ascent is worth it, however baffling it may seem to others. Greer exhorts her middle-aged readers not to explain or apologise. The climacteric marks the end of apologising. The chrysalis of conditioning has once and for all to break and the female woman finally to emerge.

Lara Feigel is the author of Free Woman: Life, Liberation and Doris Lessing (Bloomsbury).

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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topicprinter · 5 years

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Hey guys, my name's Rob and I thought I'd share my experience as an entrepreneur starting an online coupon site DealsXtra and an email sourcing tool Contactout. Lately, I've been musing on trying to find a greater sense of purpose, so please take the time to read the article below and let me know what you thinkI went to one of those personal development cults seminars once, and I asked a barrage of questions:What is the purpose of life? What should I do with my life?“Shut the fuck up”, the seminar leader said“You already know all the answers inside. You’re just asking me for permission to do what you already know is right. You’re looking for validation. Stop. You don’t need anyone’s permission. When you get an internal sense of what’s right, just go do it. Act, and then see what happens. Adjust your actions depending on the results that you get.When you come across a problem, think for yourself how to solve it, trust in your own judgement. See the world with your own fresh pair of eyes and make your own conclusions from first hand experience. Don’t just listen to everything that other people tell you. Always question and think critically; other people are no smarter than you are. Listen to others, but think for yourself.”FOLLOW YOUR HEARTThe best advice I’ve ever gotten in my life is to follow my heart. I think of it like, there’s a guiding compass inside of me, that always knows which direction to go. An inner voice that knows what’s right. I just need to tune into it and trust it.For example, right after university, I worked in investment banking and hated my life. I hated the lack of freedom, the repetitive tasks, the ass kissing. I knew I wanted to work on my own business. An online business that would let me travel and explore the world. But I didn’t trust myself. I’ve studied so hard to land this job. All my friends where in corporate. How could it possibly be the right move to leave when everyone else was happily working? Wasn’t I living the corporate dream? I kept looking to other people for career advice, when I already knew. It took me 6 months to find the courage. I decided to start my own business – it was the best decision of my life.Elon Musk also follows his heart. He calls it: “thinking from first principles”. When asked how he came up with the ideas for Tesla, SpaceX and Paypal, Elon looked inside. He asked himself what are the biggest problems that humanity is currently facing? And thought about solutions to those problems. Meanwhile, most people are caught up with the crowd, trying to ride market trends. Let’s do cryptocurrency for dogs!SOCIAL CONDITIONINGThere are all these people telling us how we should live our lives. Social conditioning is fucking with us everywhere. Work is telling us that climbing the corporate ladder means success in life. Fashion trends are defining what beautiful is. Our social group is making us conform and act in a socially acceptable way.Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables – slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised by television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off. – Fight ClubHumans are tribal creatures; we’re wired to go with the crowd. But just because everyone else believes in something, it does not mean that it’s right. In the past, everyone believed that the earth was flat. We look back and think that’s ridiculous. Now imagine that you’re in the future looking back. Could it be that there are heaps of popular beliefs we hold today that our future selves would think are ridiculous?We forget to listen to ourselves. Our default state is to listen to others. We spend our lives trying to live up to other people’s expectations. But most people have never sat down and really thought about what they want to do with their lives. And it’s important that we think about it because we only have one life. We only have a limited time on this planet. One day we will be dead.You’re time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. – Steve JobsThe challenge for our generation is creating a world where everyone has a sense of purpose. Purpose is that sense that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that we are needed, that we have something better ahead to work for. Purpose is what creates true happiness. – Mark ZuckerbergSOCIAL CONDITIONING VS FOLLOWING OUR HEARTSDo we listen to social conditioning? Or do we follow our hearts? The book “The Fountainhead” explores this question. The story goes like this:Once upon a time there were two architects who went to university together – Peter and Howard. Peter was super social; he became the head of the architecture society. He networked his way into a really prestigious firm after he graduated. Worked incredibly hard, sucked up to all the right people and eventually became a director of the firm. Made tonnes of money and retired a rich man. Towards the end of his days, though, he looked back on all the buildings that he designed and thought to himself: “All these buildings are ugly, I don’t like a single one of them. Every building I designed was driven by what the client wanted, or what my firm wanted.” He felt like his vision of the perfect building was still trapped inside him, and that nothing he achieved in life meant anything.Meanwhile the other architect, Howard, just didn’t give a fuck. He hated the Victorian design classes at university because it was unnecessarily ornate. Howard wanted to do minimalist post modern design. He ended up dropping out of university and going to intern with an architect who he had a lot of respect for. However, the architect wasn’t getting much business because his designs were so radical. Later on, Howard started his own firm. But he would only take on clients if the client gave him complete freedom to design the building however he wanted. His clients would have no say in the design at all. Howard didn’t have many clients and only built a few buildings in his career. However, he felt that every building that he built was a representation of his truest vision of art. The pylons of the building were like Howard’s bones, the windows and wooden finishings were his skin and flesh, each building was a temple to his soul.Would you rather be Howard? Or would you rather be Peter?How has social conditioning influenced how you live?Write down 10 of your core beliefs.Which of your beliefs did you consciously decide upon, and how many have been dictated by society?Which of your beliefs are helping you and which beliefs are holding you?Are you living the life you want to live, or the life society wants you to live?How do YOU want to live your life?LOVE WHAT YOU DOYour work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle. – Steve JobsWHY BIGGER GOALS ARE BETTERMost people set small goals in life. We don’t set ourselves big goals because we’ll fail. But big goals are actually easier to achieve than small goals. People are inspired by big goals and will go out of their way to help you. Investors will give you money. Big goals create movements and bring together teams. Small goals may be easier to accomplish, but not as many people will help you do it. Also there’s much less competition with big goals. How many of your friends are trying to cure cancer or solve cold fusion? How many friends work in accounting? Sure curing cancer is a million times harder than working in accounting, but there’s a million times more people that your competing against if you choose accounting.When I started my coupon site 7 years ago, I just wanted to earn enough money to support myself and travel. This wasn’t going to become a big business, so I had trouble attracting investors. When I pitched at startup conferences, investors would be like, “cool story bro, needs more dragons.” I had no money, and my goal wasn’t very inspiring, so I had trouble hiring great people. I ended up spending 4 years figuring out marketing by myself and building the business to a level where it supports my lifestyle – yay, go me.Meanwhile, Tim Kently-Klay managed to build Zoox into a 1.5 billion dollar business in the same time frame. Right… So wtf am I doing with my life? Here’s how Tim did it. One day Tim woke up and was like, “I want to build fully autonomous self driving cars”. No, not some half-arsed version like Tesla. Tim explains that by completely removing the steering wheel, driver’s seat and components needed for human driving, you can make a much more efficient self driving robot. A fully autonomous Uber – that was the dream. A slight problem was that Tim knew fuck all about self driving cars. But Tim was a hella smart guy who had started a successful graphics design company in the past, so he set about reading everything he could on self driving cars. After a year of intense study, he drew out some blueprints for his self driving car which he displayed at some conferences.His plans were given the honorable title of “Vaporware Horseshit” by critics. However, Tim hustled on and met Niki the venture capitalist who gave him a million dollars.Tim took that million dollars and went to the self driving car team at Apple. He said to them, “hey so you know… you guys are all screwed because Apple is shutting down their self driving car project. So come join me and we shall conquer the world.” And the self-driving car team is like, sure, seems legit, why not? Then Tim went to Lord Draper, the greatest venture capitalist of them all, and was like, “Hey I am building a self driving car and have the best team in the world to do it, you should give me 30 million dollars.” Draper thought for a while and then he’s like, sure why not? Tim took that money and convinced more people to join his jihad. Then he goes and raises 250m at a $1.5bn valuation. Tim does all this in 4 years.I set a small goal; build a coupon site. In 4 years I accomplished it. Tim set a big goal; make fully autonomous self driving cars. And in 4 years he has built a $1.5bn company.What would you rather be doing?If you could achieve anything, what would you be working on?WHAT ABOUT MONEY?When I was in college choosing my career, all I cared about was: how much money could I make? So I chose investment banking. And I quit after 6 months. But anyway. Most of my peer group chose their careers because of money. It wasn’t always like this. Back in the 60s, we had just landed on the moon. Einstein and Edison were the celebrities of the day. People wanted to be inventors, explorers and scientists – to work on things that would push forward the envelope of human progress. Nowadays people want money – financial security. What happened to changing the world? Most people are not working on meaningful problems. Millions are dying in Africa. Our best and brightest proceed to go work in finance or tech or whatever industry is the most cashed up.If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you’ll spend your life completely wasting your time. You’ll be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living, that is to go on doing thing you don’t like doing, which is stupid. – Alan WattsBeing the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to be at night saying we’ve done something wonderful that’s what matters to me. – Steve JobsHere’s the thing: solving the world’s biggest problems is the best way to make money. This makes sense from an economics perspective. If you create the most value then the market will reward you with the most money. But wait, how the hell would working to solve poverty in Africa make more money than being an investment banker? Banking appears to be a steadier path to making more money – if we view things from a short term perspective. But what about in 10 years, 20 years and more?Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years– Bill GatesLet’s say you start a social enterprise in Africa. In your first year you make nothing and your banker friend makes $150k. In 10 years, your social enterprise does well enough for you to live comfortably. Meanwhile your friend is making $2m as a director. You wonder if you made the wrong choice. But in 20 years, Africa grows rapidly, income levels rise 20x to western levels. Business is booming because your customers can afford to pay you western prices. Everyone now wants to invest in Africa. Multinationals are in a bidding war to buy your company. The land that you brought for ten thousand dollars per hectare is now worth a one million dollars per hectare. You are now worth over $100m. Meanwhile the world realizes investment bankers are basically glorified real estate agents – annoying and unnecessary. Bankers and real estate agents get replaced by a super efficient AI marketplace and your friend is made redundant.BUT IT’S RISKYSure, chasing big goals is risky. People say that 9 out of 10 new ventures fail. Well, what if you tried 30 times? It’ll take about 4 months to see if a venture will work out, so you can try 3 new ventures a year. If you work on it for 10 years, you’ve tried 30 different ventures and you’re basically guaranteed success.How I got over risk of starting my own business was, I said to myself: even if I tried for the rest of my life and I died trying, would I be happy? Yes, because I enjoy the process of trying to change the world, building a business, and working on something I find meaningful. I can’t control if I will succeed or not. What matters is that I tried.It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. – Franklin D RooseveltImagine at the end of your life, you realized that you never gave your dream a try. You just let it slip past. How would you feel?When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like, “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me… and since then, for the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today.”And whenever the answer has been, “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.Because almost everything: all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure… these things just fall away in the face of death… leaving only what is truly important.Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. – Steve JobsLIMITING BELIEFSPeople have all these limiting beliefs about why they can’t achieve their dreams. Like, I am not smart enough, I have a family to support, I am too old, I have a very needy cat.All these bullshit excuses. How do you know you can’t do something until you’ve tried? You don’t know. It’s much more useful to believe you can do anything, because then you’ll try. If you don’t try you fail by default.Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world usually do– Steve JobsPeople seriously underestimate how far willpower can take you. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what your circumstances are. Got a family to support? Keep your day job and work on your dreams at night. Not smart enough? Spend twice as long studying. Too old? KFC was built by a 70 year old. You are not a victim of your circumstances.What are some things you want to achieve but feel like you can’t?YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO MANIf there’s one story that demonstrates how far willpower will take you despite the hand you’ve been dealt, it’s that of Barrack Obama. No not the president, but his father Barrack Obama Sr.Obama Sr grew up in one of the poorest families in the world in Sub-Saharan Africa, but his son went on to become the most powerful man in the world. How did this happen?Obama Sr grew up in a Kenyan village. School was a little shanty hut where all the village children were packed into one class. Education sucked, but Obama Sr showed some spark. He had one thing going for him: he was able to learn English since grandfather Obama was a cook in a white household. One day, some aid workers came to visit their village. Teenage Obama Sr was like, “damn those aid workers looking fine, I think I’ll go chat them up.” The aid workers were impressed by Obama Sr’s drive and encouraged him to apply to the University of Hawaii’s African scholarship program. Barrack Sr studied intensely and with the tutorship of the aid workers managed to get the scholarship. At the University of Hawaii Obama Sr met Ann Dunham who would become Obama Jr’s mother. When he wasn’t chasing skirts, he managed to top his class and get a full scholarship into Harvard Law School. Willpower can get you from growing up in sub-Saharan Africa to going to Harvard Law School, to your son becoming the president of the United States.Now you may be thinking Obama Sr is smarter and more driven than I’ll ever be. He has better genetics. Just because he has achieved greatness doesn’t mean that I can. But are successful people really smarter than us? So I was in Silicon Valley last year doing a program called 500startups where I got to meet tech billionaires and industry leaders. It was surprisingly underwhelming… The advice these billionaires gave was mostly self indulgent, generic and useless details. “so I cooked lunch for my team everyday, and everyone loved my cooking”. “Ohh marketing, we didn’t do any marketing, the product just grew by itself”. The best advice I got was actually from other startup founders who were still hustling to make it. Then it struck me. These billionaires are not better than the rest of us. They’ve just worked hard and on the right things. But they’re fallible humans. We are all cut from the same cloth. I can do whatever they can do.Malcolm Gladwell writes about the 10,000 hour rule: how a master in any field has practiced for at least 10,000 hours. If we put in that amount of hours, we can master anything. Take Laszlo Polgar, a Hungarian psychologist who, after studying hundreds of great intellectuals, identified a common theme – early and intensive practice. He hypothesized that with intense practice, he could turn his three daughters into prodigies. He chose chess as the perfect activity to train his children in, because it was creative and analytical and had objectively measurable results. Two of his daughters went on to become grand-masters. No women had ever achieved the title of grand-master before. All three daughters ranked in the top 6 in the world for chess.Sure, we’re born with certain physical characteristics or elements of our personality that are hard to change. But the moment that we accept ourselves, take the wheel and start steering, that’s when things start happening. Take Lebron James vs Steph Curry. Lebron has the perfect genetic build for a basketball player. Steph doesn’t. He doesn’t have the height, he doesn’t have the bulk. But he doesn’t give a shit. He proceeds to practice the hell out of his shot. And with that, he has achieved a level of success to rival Lebron. You may not be able to change some part of yourself, but you can develop other parts and be just as effective.Cool, so I believe I can do anything I set my mind to. But…HOW DO I FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?To discover your “why”, ask yourself these questions. Find the common denominators in the answers and you’ll have your first lead to explore in finding your why. The commonalities in your answers may point you towards your purpose, and give you some directions to explore.What do you think is biggest problem in the world right now?If money and time weren’t limiting factors, what would you allow yourself to dream of doing?What makes you feel angry, or rise up at the injustice you see?What gets your emotions going? what brings tears to your eyes?What makes you happy?– Daniel Flynn, founder Thankyou WaterREADRead. Do a shit tonne of reading, and then read some more. There are world leaders and billionaires who have spent years distilling the best of their life’s wisdom and principles of success into books. Books that we can access instantly for $10 on Amazon. It’s the digital age. We are the first generation to have the entire trove of human knowledge available on demand in our pockets.Yet most of us don’t read. What the fuck? Instead we spend our time watching TV. What did Kim K name her kid? Did North Korea fire another rocket? What happens next on Game of Thrones? All this bullshit that we don’t need to know about. Our newest drug addiction is social media. It gives us a hit of validation, a new like, another viral video. But there’s no substance, no meaning. The short term hit leaves us shallow inside and longing for another, and another. Popular media is fucking up our brains. It’s the information age buffet. Because we’re fat fucks from the first world, we say, give me all the junk food, broccoli can fuck off. We need to treat the information we consume like food and watch we’re putting into our bodies.LISTEN TO AUDIO-BOOKSThe best life hack that anyone has ever told me is to listen to audio-books at 2x speed. You can listen to audio-books whilst you’re at the gym, or driving, or any other mindless task. This way, it’s easy to find 2-3 hours everyday, and if you do, you can finish 2 books every week, and 100 books a year. 100 books will put you miles ahead. Most people don’t even finish 100 books in their lifetime. I started audio-books 3 years ago, and I’ve learnt more in 3 years than I have in the rest of my life combined. School didn’t teach me useful skills, books did. Books written by people who have done it before. You can get most popular titles on Amazon’s Audible book store. Make sure you select the USA Audible store as this has the widest selection.WHAT SHOULD I READ?Check the New York Times best sellers list. Ask mentors what their favorite books are. Google for book recommendations by Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg or other people you respect.Here’s a list of my favorite books:The Power of Now by Eckhart TolleThe Fountainhead by Ayn RandSelf Compassion by Kirstin NeffThe Four Agreements by Don Miguel RuizThe Singularity is Near by Ray KurtzweilCrucial Conversations by Kerry PattersonThe Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson100 book recommendations FIND MENTORSAfter reading and researching what I wanted to do. I got in touch with people who’ve done it before. No matter what you’re trying to achieve, there are 7 billion people in the world and there are people out there who have done similar things to what you’re attempting to do. Find these people on Linkedin and ask for their mentorship. Ask people who are not your direct competitors, people in a different geography or who have moved onto something else. You’d be surprised at how many people respond. I got around a 30% response rate. Here’s an email that I sent.Hi John,I am Rob, an Australian tech entrepreneur linkedin.com/in/robliu. We’re building contactout.com a recruitment tool similar to Connectifier but targeting the Australian and UK markets.I would greatly appreciate your mentorship and advice on growth and how to do sales for recruitment tools, and any insights you’ve gained from your experience at Connectifier.Would you be free for a brief chat on Skype? Happy to send you $500 for your time.Kind Regards, Rob LiuJohn was previously VP Marketing at Connectifier, a competitor whose business model I was trying to copy. John came on board as an adviser and helped me add over one million dollars in value to my business. It all started with an email.When emailing, bribe people. Offer them $500 to talk to you. This makes it look like you’re serious about your request and respectful of their time. Most mentors are rich already and won’t accept your money. For people who do accept your money, don’t bother talking with them. Because if they need $500, then they’re probably not very successful, and would make a shitty mentor.After reading, researching, finding mentors, you’ll still have to figure out a lot of the journey by yourself. You’re aiming to do something great and that involves blazing a path into the unknown. It’s like playing soccer. You can read all about soccer tactics, you can practice dribbling, practice kicking. But if you want to get good at soccer, you need to get out onto the field and play the game. Think for yourself, follow your heart, and take action.You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference. – Steve JobsYOU ARE ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON.We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?– Steve Jobs“Are you a born writer? Were you put on earth to be a painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action.Do it or don’t do it.It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself,. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet.You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”– Steven Pressfield

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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therealestatesparkblog · 6 years

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4 Ways Technology is Shaking Up Commercial Real Estate (& Why Multifamily Will Pull Ahead)

Here are two undeniable truths: Commercial real estate has built many investors fortunes throughout history, andTechnology is changing the world at a faster pace than ever. But how do those two truths affect one another? There is a reason 80 percent of millionaires attribute their financial success to real estate, muchof which focuses in commercial real estate. In past blog articles, Ive explained in detail how the wealth-building power of commercial real estate works, specifically for multifamily. Due to thesearticles, I have had many people ask, Why multifamily? Why not office, retail, or industrial? All of these options are classified as commercial, and all of them give the benefits I love to write aboutbut I dont invest in them. Why? There are a several reasons I dont invest in those other niches of commercial real estate and focus on multifamily. The one reason I will write about in this article is technology. I dont think anyone can argue that technology is changing the economy, peoples lives, and the world as a whole faster than it ever has. It happens to be changing things so fast that predicting where it will take us has become more of a crystal ball reading and less of a data analysis. Lets take look at how technology will affect commercial real estate in the years to come. The success of investment real estate, as with most businesses, can be boiled down to supply and demand. Economics 101, right? We all know this stuff. How badly do your tenants want to rent a property like yours, and how many options do they have to choose from? Well, technology is taking supply and demand for the commercial real estate niches and shaking things up. Lets look at few undeniable truths technology has given us and what they mean forcommercial real estate.

4 Ways Technology is Shaking Up Commercial Real Estate1. Demand for workspace is shrinking as people work from home more than ever. Technology has made it easier to work from home than ever, with tools like Think Email, Skype, Go to Meeting, Podio, and others facilitatingvirtual collaboration. According to a Gallup survey of 15,000 adults released last year, 43 percent of employed Americans spend at least some time working remotely. The survey also reported those working remotely four to five days a week grew by nearly the same amount, rising to 31 percent from 24 percent. Related: 4 Ways New Technology is Changing How Real Estate Investors Communicate The reason we see this swing is because working from home causesemployee satisfaction and productivity to go up and employer costs to go down. Many surveys show employees are willing to forgo 15-20 percent in compensation for the flexibility and convenience of working from home. Combine all this with that fact that the growing tech industry leads the pack in allowing employees towork from home, and it appears that the trend is likely to pick up pace in comingyears. This all results in a steady trend of more and more employees working from home. Because of this, the demand for office space will continue to decrease as less is needed to accommodate this new trend. I am not saying office space will disappear, but demand will go down, and when demand falls, both pricing and valuation of the asset will fall. 2. Demand for retail space is shrinking as people shop online more than ever. Tenyears ago, if someone told you that you could order your groceries online and have them at your doorstep one hour later or that Amazon would be delivering packages to your doorstep with a drone, youwould have thought it was crazy talk. Today, eightin 10Americans shoponline, according to anew study from Pew Research. Thats 79 percent of U.S. consumers. Leading the pack in online retailers in recent years, Amazon has made a major impact on how we purchase everything from groceries to lawn mowers. Amazon sells just about everything you can think of. Other major companies, like Wayfair, follow behind Amazon. Even Walmart has made huge push to online shopping recently. I believe of all the undeniable truths that this is the one that will change commercial real estate the most. Brick and mortar real estate serving retail isand will continue to be replaced by massive fulfillment centers out in the middle of nowhere. Again, to be clear, I am not saying all strip centers in the world will be boarded up and no longer used, but with such a massive push towards online buying and the savings thatgives to companies, I have no doubt that demand for this asset class will decline due to this change in technology. 3. Demand for commercial real estate will be displaced because it is simpler for businesses to sourcefrom overseas. Imentioned how technology continues to improve communications and purchasing. Those two things also open the door for businesses to conduct their business overseas to achieve the most competitive pricing. Now even the smallest of businesses can quickly and easily source manufacturing or simple purchasing from overseas vendors. The most rapid changes I see that technology has opened up for businesses is the ability to not only order things overseas but also hire people to work virtually. Now with a few clicks and calls, a small business owner can hire someone in India, the Philippines, or anywhere elsein the world. The Intelligent Virtual Assistant Marketis expectedto rise from $627.7M in 2015 to a massive $7.9B by 2024. The market is forecasted to expand at an astounding 32.8% CAGR. As this trend grows, it pushes the need for types of real estate that service these jobs out of the country. For the most part, this meansindustrial spaces for manufacturing and offices will be displacedto serve virtual assistants.

4. Demand for multifamily will increase as people change jobs/careers at a faster pace than ever. With the world changing so quickly, people are changing as well. The Millennial generation is known to job hop, creatingtransient employees. They bounce around the country and stay in jobs for a significantly shorter period of time than previous generations. The data supports this. Arecent Gallup report on the Millennial generationreveals that 21 percent of Millennials say theyve changed jobs within the past year, which is more than three times the number of non-Millennials. Jobs and net migration of population are changing, and the younger generation is adapting to that. I believe these changes are being driven by technology. Related: 5 Ways the Real Estate Industry Will Completely Transform Over the Next Decade Fiftyyears ago, if you lived in Ohio, there was no good way for you to hear about job opportunities in Texas. Even if you did somehow find out about them, you would have to pay a fortune for long distance phone calls, and youd have to send in your resume via snail mail and hope to hear back. If by some good luck you did get the job, you would be forced to move to a new state and say goodbye to your family. Now we can jump on the computer and search for the best fitting/paying opportunities all over the country, apply for them, and interview with them, all without ever leaving ourhome state. If the need to move out of state arises,we can simply text, FaceTime, or Skype to stay in touch with friends. Put simply, moving jobs and transient lifestylesjust arentas unachievable as they used tobe, which has lead toan increase in this way of living. This lifestyle results in decreased demand for home ownership. Today, only 63 percent of people own homes, a 50-year low. Some of this is a result of affordability, and some of it is a result of lifestyle. Regardless, people are renting more and more. This increases demand for residential rental property, specifically multifamily. The undeniable truth is that people work from home now more than ever, and that continues to climb. More people shop from home, and that continues to climb. And more than ever people dont want to or cannot afford to own the very home they are working and shopping from. The demand for the commercial real estate asset classes are being shaken by change, and that change is a result of technology.

Were republishing this article to help out our newer readers. What do you think is going to happen with commercial real estate in the next decade? Do you agree with this assessment? Leave your thoughts below! https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/technology-changes-real-estate

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steadykitty-blog · 6 years

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june park

Hi my name is June Park. I'm a 2nd generation korean descent living in ontario, canada. I'm half korean and canadian. My dad's name is Sungjin Park, but people call him just Jin, and my mom's maiden name is brooklyn roy. My father's parents were immigrants from south korea and they moved here when he was still a baby. Since then theyve always stayed here. He met my mom in college when he was taking up his computer engineering course, and my mom at that time was taking up computer science. They hit right off.

Then they married around four years since they started dating, and they've first had me and then they had my brother, Adrian Park, 2 years later.

I had a pretty normal upbringing. I was definetely more in touch with my western side than my asian side, however when dad's relatives came to visit it would get really awkward since I wasnt well versed with their customs and traditions, but it was fine.

Ever since I was younger I had a calling towards music and the arts. My brother was more in tune with my father since he decided to like software development. I took up a music course in college and proceeded to university to get a masters degree. My brother took up software development and later on participated in starting up a company with some of his college peers. It was really successful.

I decided to really focus on my academic career before looking for love life. When I finally got time to squeeze in a little bit of romance into my life, it never seemed to work out. My first romance was mathias, a fellow music graduate i had a chance to work with during a little job stint between my college graduation and my university offer. We really got along and I thought we were going to be okay, so i brought up the topic of marriage to him. Somehow though this though seemed to trigger something in him and he got really distant after that. A few months later we broke up.

I decided to go here and there. I was really lost at that time, and my friends decided to let me go out on club nights to help cheer me up. One of those nights I met samuel lam. He was a really charming fellow. We dated for a year until I realized that he really wasn't looking for anything other than a fling here and there. I got fed up with that and decided to break things off.

I still went out on club nights, albeit minus the friends, since they were all starting to get really busy with their new marriages and family life. At that point I only really went on club nights to unwind and relax and get some here and there. Unfortunately (?), it was on one of those club nights I bumped into mathias again. I was passing by the bar when i literally bmumpled into him and spilled my drink on his shirt. I began to apoligize profusely until i realized that it was him. Its a bit of an understatement to say how much it shocked both of us to see each other again. He hadn't changed much, just that he looked a a little bit sharper in the formal suit he was wearing. He was of course just as handsome as i remember him to be. He said he was there for a bachelors party.

I dont know what happened, but we decided to catch up with each other. one thing led to another, and somehow we found ourselves dating again.

It was going great, like really well, i guess you coulf even say that it was even better than the relationship we had before. We dated for a good two years, almost nearing our third year, when i had mentioned wanting to settle down. why did i even think he'd changed? He again got really angry. He was frustrated that I kept bringing it up again. But why would he be angry? Dont we date with the idea of being together forever? I guess I was the only one who thought so. He decided to leave me, saying he couldnt commit to that. Well good riddance I guess.

After that i just decided to fuck with relationships and delve deeper into my musical career. I decided to start up a musical venture. I had the oppurtunity of exploring making classical pieces for films through the recommendation of one of my professors back in university. The arrangement worked out really well and I managed to get to work with a team that was really passionate and hard working. It didn't take long for me to adjust and begin to produce pieces.

I decided to work like a madman for a few years, until my life took a pleasant turn. During the spring of my third year in that venture, I attended the premier for one of the movies my team had worked with. I met one of the persons on the production team of the movie, his name was alex young. I can finally understand why my previous relationship never worked. alex was fun, we were around the same age (i was 28, he was 25), and we really got along together. even when our interests didnt directly coincide, but we both had an appreciation for the arts so it was easy for us to be able to find a common ground. we both loved the same books, the same movies... i couldnt have asked for more.

we got married after two years. but no matter how hard we tried i couldnt have a baby and it didnt seem like he wasnt ready for one either. we decided to hold kids off, but come 2 years later we adopted sweet little erin, she was 2 years old when we had her adopted, along with alexis (alex and alexis!!) who was 11. they belonged to the same adoption home so it was very easy to interact with them and it made the process smoother. we found little erin first before we were introduced to alexis. they are both my sunshines.

shortfly after we were in for a bigger surprise. about a few months when the adoption was finally processed, i suddenly found out that i was pregnant. to this day i still cant believe how it happened, because it was truly a miracle. the doctors were so adamant of the fact that i was incapable of getting pregnant but we were blessed. we had maia that year. the next year, i got pregnant again and this time it was a boy. we named him adrian.

so orginally i only had 2 children, but we had little surprises along the way. and so our small 2 unit family had grown to a sizeable six. i was really lucky at that time since we had managed to seal the deal with multiple production companies and alex had moved to managing the firm. we were able to buy a five bedroom house with 2 bathrooms, a garden (ive been wanting since forever), and a parking space. it was the best set-up i could ever think of.

my kids grew up well. they all achieved college level education, though only maia had decided to pursue at the university level. she became a production engineer at comet laboratories. meanwhile, erin managed to bag a 1st line developer position and alexis graduated nursing. He's currently finishing up his residency. Only adrian didn't really have much plans, despite graduating with a business management degree, and it took while for alex and i to persuade him to get a job. as much as possible i couldn't rest until i knew that all of my children were set for life.

I thank God and all that i managed to live this life. It was stressful and all but i wouldnt trade it for any other life in this world. I love my husband and my children. They will always be the reason for my living.

#newlife

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megamanishashekhawat-blog · 6 years

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mantra to get love

https://vashikaran.mobi/mantra-get-love/

mantra to get love

mantra is a most famous way to solve the human problems and it used in all over world. India is the very beautiful country and the oldest fashioned people even today its problems solve through vashikaran mantra. It is too much used in India to solve the problems. With the use of vashikaran mantra we can get rid from the problems. If the any difficulty are occurs in our life then through use of vashikaran mantra we can solve our problems. This is very helpful way for us and through it we can get the rid of our problems.

The use of vashikaran mantra we can solve our problems like: Husband and wife problem, Home and family problem, Business and Career problem, Job and study problem, Love Marriage problem.

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Get your boyfriend/girlfriend back by vashikaran and make them yours forever. If you are still confused on how to get them back, get in touch with Guru ji. He will provide you with a mantra to get back the love of your life. If your loved one has left you for someone else, these powerful mantras will help bring him back. These remedies are easy to use, simple and free. The vashikaran tilak will make the process easier. So grab your loved one free of any spell and make them yours forever. You can also avail this boyfriend vashikaran mantra in Hindi and regularly chant them to please any desired person.

Do not delay getting your loved ones back or you will lose them forever. Take your first step toward the right direction by contacting us. Guru ji has supernatural powers that he use to help out people who have lost a loved one or are trying to save their marriage. The astrological totkas and the remedies have helped a large number of people around the globe. So now it’s your turn to get back to your ex and make them realize your love. With guru ji’s guidance, many people are leading a happy love life.

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You can also recite the Hindu vashikaran mantra to make a boy fall in love with you, choose the home remedies to get back to your love, impress your wife and lead a happy married life, Jyothisha vashikaran mantra to get back your girlfriend and the Lal Kitab mantra for a happy married life.

Guru is the best astrologer who can bring back ex boyfriend back in Hindi to get back boyfriend with astro remedies, some totke uapaya to increase love of boyfriend and upaya for unhappy relationship with boyfriend. I have some vashikaran mantras done at home to get back boyfriend from other woman. I give very good Astro remedy for attracting boyfriend or girlfriend back to you and these will be Astrological methods to get girl friend back in Hindi at home spells to get ex girlfriend back. This is the best astrology who can bring back ex boyfriend and best vashikaran mantra to get boy friend back. This is not boy friend comeback Vashikaran mantra and but a way from boyfriend to husband Astrology with boyfriend problem vashikaran mantra simple totke upaya for your help. You can use Vashikaran mantra to get my ex boy friend back.I give you some easy mantra how to make girlfriend and free vashikaran mantra for attracting ex boyfriend love you forever.

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These free simple vashikaran mantra to get ex boyfriend back to you will also help you to marry with your boyfriend. But same if you lost your girlfriend and want to get back girlfriend with powerful ex girlfriend back love spells or some kind of girlfriend astrology powerful love back remedy.

Vashikaran mantra to control girlfriend or boyfriend is very simple and easy to attract desired girl or boy towards you and bring them back to your control. The easy vashikaran mantra for love attraction says that practitioner of this mantra will attract other men and women like magnet attracts iron. Whereas I don’t promise anything because the ability of success depends upon the pure heart and mind of the practitioner.

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Procedure of Mantra

Most of the times I had been asking for how to perform vashikaran mantra remedies at home, the reason I introduced this mantra. The practitioner has to wear red clothes and Mala of Red Kumkum around neck while chanting the Mantras.

|| Om Hreem Namah Om Ksho Hreem Hreem Aam Hraan Swaha ||

It need to be chanted 108 times daily for 11 days to gain success. This mantra make the desired girl or boy become attracted towards practitioner. But don’t follow anything without consulting Guru ji.

So If you any kind of difficulty or problem are enter in your love relation then you have dont worry and without any kind of delay or hesitation contact with the vashikaran mantra specialist and share the all problem with them. They solve all problems that are come in your love relations. So if the any problems come in your relation then you are not hiding the problems and find the solutions of problem. Because love relation is so beautiful and it will not happen again in our life. So if you have any problems are occurs in love relation you will soon quickly come to vashikaran mantra for love is here below and written by specialist.

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If you are looking for mantra for getting girlfriend back permanently or mantras control girlfriend or mantra to attract boyfriend then you are at right place. Below shared mantra is very effective to attract boyfriend or girlfriend. I can give you mantra to get my boyfriend back so that mantra to get marry to boyfriend

Love is a beautiful journey that helps you evolve as a person. When in love, people undergo through various life experiences. While some experiences help people learn a lot, others can leave them devastated. Over the years, a person begins to feel that love can conquer every problem in life. It is the closeness and intimacy that a person feels with their special one that they are unable to feel with anyone else. Love brings two people together and is by far the most amazing feeling in the world. There is no age for true love and it can happen at any time. Just a glimpse of a person can leave you spell bound. That heart throbbing movement you feel when you see a person indicates that you are in love. However people are often left heartbroken if their loved ones cheat on them.

Everyone wants love in life. It is one aspect of life that is universal; one which almost every human on earth seeks out. Love has many forms – attraction, vashikaran, physical intimacy and romance all are part of an expression of love.

Some people immensely feel the lack of love in their life or simply desire more love in their journey of life.

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Using certain types of Mantra, originally written in Sanskrit, such as Vedic Mantras can help you to achieve love, sex and finding and winning over the person you love (vashikaran). From chanting this Mantra you will find more easily what you want in life.

Vashikaran mantras are the most powerful mantras on the earth revealed to humans so far. Especially Aghori vashikaran mantras make up the class of mantras used predominantly by the Shaivite Sadhus known as aghoris. These mantras are chanted in the dark by those who have the courage to pursue the very tough sadhana with least fear for their lives.

Aghoris sadhus are known for their total fearlessness and a wandering behavior getting along with a rustic life given to do what they want with the complete freedom to follow their will. Used by these powerful sadhus, aghhori vashikaran mantras can help you win the most secret goals you cherish yin your heart.

When chanted as per the rigorous procedures with full concentration and faith, Aghori Vashikaran mantras can have far reaching benefits for the chanters. As suggested by their name ‘vashikaran’, these mantras have the ability to control the hearts and minds of the ones you target.

mantra to get love for girlfriend

Vashikaran mantras can be used for a variety of objectives including success in business, winning someone’s favors, exert pressure over them and control their minds, get someone out of their obsessions and addictions, move people to do what you want and finally winning your love back or make someone get attracted to you.

धन लाभ के लिए वशीकरण

घर में खुशहाली तथा दुकान की उन्नति हेतु वशीकरण

शादी विवाह में विघ्न न पडने देने के लिये वशीकरण टोटका

More than just memorizing and repeating the vashikaran mantra, it is important that you chant them in the right way as prescribed by the Aghori gurus. They have practiced these mantras for so long and have taught us the ways to benefit from them in the surest way. In the first place, make a firm determination that you will chant this mantra for the prescribed amount of time with the due sincerity.

Once you have committed yourself to the task, you must never look back. Have firm faith and strongly believe in the power of the mantra. Once you take this stand, you shall get the most powerful guidance from within that shall clear the obstacles in your way gradually moving you to achieve what you want.

The ultimate benefit of this mantra is the ability to control other people’s minds. You can remedy a variety of problems like refining marital relationships, bringing someone out from illicit relationships, setting right the sons and daughters who do not obey you, getting out of the effects of black magic and problems in the work place in addition to winning someone’s love.

Everyone knows that love gives strength to live and if your soul mate truly falls in love with you when you achieve heaven on earth. Love is unpredictable feel and it cannot be count by any instrument. If you are fall in love with someone then you are well aware of benefits and feel of the love relationship. Apart from it, sometimes because of some distances and reasons you lose your relationship which is the very depressive moment of life and you don’t know how to tackle such situation. mantra to get your love back is one of the most successful approaches to recover such kind of troubles. In this article, we are going to explain about black magic and vashikaran procedures which are helpful in instantly solving love stress.

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Everyone knows about term black magic but some people are not fully aware of black magic and its mantras. It is an excellent procedure to fulfill your all desires. People who are strongly willing for any target with pure reason then powerful black magic mantra will help in similar cases. There are several reasons which are pledged for relationship breakup. If you facing any communication gap in your relationship then it becomes a strong reason for a breakup. Our Black magic mantra to get your love back specialist has perfect skills in solving love stress. He will guide you how to use such powerful mantras thus, you can achieve the success you truly love in your life. One important thing always takes the suggestion of someone specialist while you are going to perform black magic process because the only specialist can guide you how to perfectly prove any mantra.

Another successful approach to get love back is called vashikaran. This technique is also very effective and produces the quick response to love problems .Mantra to get love back specialist is highly eligible to do any type of vashikaran worship related to lost love problems. People who are looking for best services of vashikaran mantra and love problems they can calmly share their every type of obstacle with Love Guru because they are the only who has terrific knowledge about love mantras and spells as well as they are familiar with ways of vashikaran how to easily perform vashikaran worship thus you can get instant results for your troubles. Vashikaran is not only used for love problems but also people use this craft for various health purposes like some powerful vashikaran mantras are very effective for recovering your health issues and make your life happy.

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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The Hardest Breakup Of My Life Taught Me This

To say I was devastated would be a severe understatement. I remember it all too well. Crying on the bathroom floor at 2 AM, praying to God she would come back to me tonight. Crying in bed and skipping class because I was too sick to go, wishing she could be there to take care of me again. But then again, I dont remember it all too well.

I was black out drunk, vomiting all my feelings into the toilet along with a whole bottle of vodka. Stumbling back out to the party and having to fake and smile so I could down some more liquor in hopes to ease the pain of losing her. I recently just went through the hardest experience of my life, and that experience was breaking up with my girlfriend of a year. The moment I met her, it was an instant connection. Just like in all the fairytales, I saw fireworks and sparks and all that other bullshit. I loved her with every ounce of my being and she worked her way into my soul. She was my everything, she had the ability to change my mood at the drop of the hat, and when her hazel eyes locked with mine, I was at her mercy. All I knew is that I would follow her anywhere. But sometimes good things dont work out, and she left. She left me much like a tornado leaves a town. Damaged and in shambles, wondering if I was ever going to return to my original state again. And in all honesty, I did not think I would make it. But somehow through all the sleepless nights, weeks without eating solid food, mornings with dry eyes from crying the night away, and evenings eating dinner alone, I taught myself some of the most important lessons I have ever learned.

I am stronger than I ever knew I was

Ive been through my fair-share of heartbreaks like any girl my age. But this one rocked me to my core. I could FEEL it with every inch of my body. Some mornings I couldnt get out of bed. Hell, some days I didnt even leave my apartment. I laid in bed all day and cried, and asked for anything to bring her back to me.

I remember going into the dining hall at my college and sitting in the back, not knowing what to do without her. I would eat, or attempt to eat, by myself with my headphones in listening to anything Taylor Swift. I would see her around campus having fun and smiling with her new friends and the new guy she was with, and I would feel myself shatter again. At this point, it was always a race against time to get back to my apartment or my car before anyone saw me crying. But you want to know what the crazy thing is? It got easier. The days spent crying turned into hours, which turned into minutes, which eventually turned into laughter somehow. The meals I couldnt stomach turned into yogurt, which turned into oranges and apples, which turned into slices of pizza and burgers. The vodka turned into water and I felt myself slowly being glued back together. I could sit through a class and not cry. I could see her around campus and even look at her, and no longer felt tears welling up.

My toughest battle turned me into a girl who couldnt be stopped. I achieved my best semester academically in college EVER and discovered a new career path that would eventually become my calling. I rejoined my schools basketball team and was able to lose myself in the sport I loved. I made new friends who showered me with positivity and optimism. I felt like I could conquer the world and shatter any obstacle in my way.

My friends are amazing people

My God, this to me is the most important thing I learned. My friends are truly a blessing from the Lord above, and I will say that until Im blue in the face. It was Taylor and Olivia, always being there for me and supporting me through everything and being the epitome of what a best friend is, coming over every single night and talking to me about my breakup even though you were so sick of hearing me speak her name. It was my whole basketball team welcoming me back to the team with open arms when I needed them and the sport most.

I could never formulate words to help explain how important the team atmosphere was to my healing process. To have 12 girls who I could turn to, who would always have my back, who believed in me, is a feeling that only a few lucky people get to experience in their lives. It was my coworkers Merry, Allyson, Madison, Bre, Tricia, Jess, Sarah, Rosa, Abby and Rachel who always had my back and would do anything for me, those who saw me cry and collapse to the floor at work and still picked me up every single day, both mentally and physically.

Its my new-found friends Kayla and Helena who chose to look past all the issues I had at the time, and showed me that people can still love a broken person, not in a romantic love kind of way, but in a pure, friendship way. Its my friends from day one Kristen, Tori, Jayne, and Miranda, the girls who have seen my rise and fall many times but chose to believe in me and my ability to never give up the fight. Its the other people who are too infinite for me to mention but touched my life during this period. I cannot thank you all enough, you are the reason I am so strong now, you are the reason I never gave up.

I am enough

Finally, this is something that I wrestled with up until a few weeks ago. When someone walks out on you, its a scary thing. You dont know what you did wrong exactly. What did I do to make her stop loving me? Could I have done more? What if I had handled this situation differently, would she still be here? Is this really whats right for both of us?

These are the things I asked myself every night, until I came to the realization. It was nothing I did or did not do. It was nothing I did wrong or right. I just happened to be too much for her and not enough at the same time. And once I realized that her leaving was her decision only, not based on my actions, I began to realize other things. Our relationships demise was her decision, not mine. I did everything I could, but you cannot change someones mind. That is not how love works, you can tell someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you but that will not make them love you again nor will bring them back or make them stay. All of this being said, I harbor no ill-feelings or hatred towards her. Sometimes you cannot force someone to love you back. Sometimes love is not fair. Sometimes giving your heart to someone does not work out. So instead of loving her, I began to fall in love with myself again. I could look in the mirror again and think I looked pretty for class that day. I was able to feel confident in my own skin. I was smiling bigger and laughing louder than I ever had and nobody was going to stop me from being this new, happy Rachel. And quite frankly, I will never let myself be a slave to anyone else or their love ever again. I am my own person before I am anyone elses. So I suppose at the end of the day, losing her was vital for me to become the girl and young woman that I am now. I know I have a huge heart and cant wait until I can meet the person who I can give it to. Im a confident woman who has high goals and expectations for myself. I have a great support system full of people who have my best interests in mind from friends to professors to teammates. I am beautiful and happy and caring and confident and kind, and sometimes to make myself feel that way, all I had to do was tell myself I was. I look around and see beauty in everyday life now. From the people in my classes to natures beauty, I take a second longer to appreciate the beauty in everything. I am now seeing in different colors and dimensions and have such a positive outlook on life. I am a child of Christ and His love for me is eternal and He has forgiven me for my past mistakes. I have incredible parents who love me and support any decision I make. Parents who only want the best for their only daughter.

Its been about 5 months since I lost her. She is still gone. But thats okay.