#trans isolation

[gardensprincess]

As a trans woman in Florida, I’ve been super duper lonely of late. I’ve learned to accept it, and I’ve learned to deal with the burning under my skin. I’ve learned to deal with being afraid every time I go out. I’ve learned to deal with the eyes staring as I walk by. I’ve learned to deal with the knowledge that my lawmakers hate me. I accept it.

But before I die I just want to be intimate once. Just once. I feel like that’s too much to ask.

All my old friends pulled away. Most of my family has pulled away. I’m deathly afraid of coming out at work so I deal with the constant deadnaming and fear and dread.

I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like my body is going to burn itself alive, or I’ll eventually drown in my silent tears. At least I have plushies.

I’m so tired of not being heard or seen I’ve resorted to vomiting on all you unsuspecting people just looking for funnies. I’m sorry. I just need to be heard. I just want to be known.

#trans #transgender #trans woman #please help #florida #trans problems #isolation #trans isolation #i am afraid #someone help #I need to be heard #I want to be seen #know my pain #know me #please forgive me

[rottingbiogirl]

I hate trying to find new friends or partners!!

I hate going to events I don’t wanna go to just so I might meet somebody!!

I hate how nobody on dating apps puts anything in their fucking profiles!! (Besides generic shit like “love my 2 dogs!” “I like travelling! 😊”)

I hate that nobody on dating apps ever texts me first even though my bio is FILLED with potential convo starters and things they could ask about!! (I’d love to text first but YOU GIVE ME NOTHING TO WORK WITH!!!! And I am NOT good at continuing after “Whoa, cool hair/clothes!” “Thanks” 😭)

I hate meeting people irl, having a somewhat good time, exchanging contacts, then having a few bland convos and that’s it.

I hate that most queer spaces in my city are gay bars (THAT ARE USUALLY JUST FILLED WITH GAY MEN!! Fuck, at least give me a trans-inclusive lesbian bar, I could force myself to enjoy going to bars for that!!)

“Ooh, just join online communities” - YEAH, I DON’T WANT TO MEET ANOTHER REALLY COOL PERSON WHO LIVES IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY AND I CAN’T HANG OUT WITH

(Anyone here live in/near Prague? :p)

#vent post #rant post #personal rant #queer isolation #trans isolation #transfem #sapphic #i am lonely #czech republic #czechia #prague #i’m trying okay? it’s exhausting

[goober-37]

Bit of a rant post here so bear with me or just ignore it. I just need to put my thoughts out where maybe people can relate so I know I’m not alone in that sense.

It is so isolating being the only queer person in my family. It’s isolating being in my family in general. First it was “no more sleepovers with boys, you guys will have sex” when I was in 6th grade. As if me and my guy friend at the time ever thought of that. All we did was okay legos, play Minecraft, drink Mountain Dew, and watch YouTube or movies. Then when I got outed in 8th or 9th, it was “no more sleepovers with girls too”

I haven’t been able to openly date anyone or hang with friends in years. I had to hide my last relationship from my parents and I felt horrible. I loved my partners. I wanted to parade them around and brag that I had 2, awesome people I was dating. When I dated someone long before them, I was so watched and monitored I couldn’t even truly be me and I felt embarrassed my partner knew my parents were always watching.

I couldn’t even have sleepovers with friends. The last time I had a slumber party was in elementary school. I’m almost 20 years old now. I haven’t gotten to stay up late talking about tiktoks or YouTube iceberg videos or anything with a friend in almost a decade.

I have a lot of friends, sure, but do I ever get to see them outside text messages? No. I’d say I miss a time when I could freely have friends but I honestly don’t remember a time I could. My parents were strict, controlling, and loved to make my friends laugh at my expense.

The last time I hung with friends in high school was with my partners at the time and I hadn’t even known it was a date. I broke the rules and went to hang with them and was so anxious I almost threw up the entire day. Still one of my favorite memories despite how unreasonably afraid I was. I’d gotten grounded from electronics for 1 week and seeing friends for 2 weeks. Totally worth it.

Even now as an adult who can do what I want with my free time, I’m too afraid to hang with friends because of what my parents have been like. I see the shit my younger siblings get to do and get away with and honestly, I’m extremely jealous.

I envy my sister who gets to hang with her besties every other week. Who has the balls to sneak out and make late night memories with them. Who gets to go to school events. Who gets to make plans shorter notice than I could’ve ever done.

I envy my brother who gets to hang with all his friends in the neighborhood. Who gets to make plans during church to hang with a friend right after. Who gets to go to the park nearby with them. Who gets to play kickball in the cul de sac with. Who gets to do fun extracurriculars like flag football and boxing.

I envy the parents my parents are with them. I wish they’d been less controlling over me. I wish they hadn’t instilled so much fear in me that now I don’t even have the balls to maintain friendships outside interacting with them online and over text.

My parents have taught me to be alone and I’ve forced myself to be content with it. To just be like “oh I’m just introverted, I like my me time!”. In reality, I’m so alone. I want to make memories with friends and be able to talk about it, brag about it, post about it.

#goober rants #bit of a sad post #sad post fo today #rant post #rant #isolation #loneliness #i feel alone #lonely #overbearing parents #anxiety #struggle bus #shrimp emotions #aroace #yearning but platonically #friendship #transgender #trans isolation #my parents refuse to acknowledge my transness #goober draws #shitpost

[sharkface]

If there are supposedly hordes of trans women sniffing out shy moody androgynous goth boys and turning them into extroverted freaky raver puppygirls explain why hasn't it happened to me yet. Am I not pretty enough

#This is a joke but seriously you guys are weird as fuck for thinking a 'guy' who hangs out with a lot of trans women eventually becoming #one herself is some evidence of being 'turned' instead of the simpler and more reasonable explanation that the reason that #she hung out with mostly trans girls and was ok with them talking about her becoming a girl jokingly OR serious is probably just that #she already wanted to be a girl and the trans girls she hung out with helped her become more comfortable with that idea and #gave her the tools and confidence to pursue that. There is no prime directive because closeted trans people are not fucking aliens who #have nooo idea what's going on with themselves and should be isolated from people who could help them figure themselves out #and support them through that realization and their transition. You are straight up parroting conservative talking points about protecting #our vulnerable cis people from the big scary trans agenda that seeks to corrupt their beautiful god given genders. Get a grip #talk

[hel1anthus-annuus]

Love this bitch for having multiple gender filters on. He’s transmasc, he’s a woman who’s a man, she’s nothing at all

#i love the idea of writing mizu as effectively nonbinary because of the constant isolation and alienation she feels #identifying with womanhood in a sort of secondary manner— a samurai first and a woman second #explores womanhood through mizu lol #no matter what. shes trans in some way #though i hesitate applying that label #if only because i dont think mizu would identify as trans in any instance; i’m sure mizu thinks he just IS #stuck between womanhood (something she doesn’t really care about) and manhood (a mask for her to put on to fulfill his goals) #and yet transmasc interpretations of mizu UTTERLY FASCINATE ME #AUGH! woman who is a man (this is both a transmasc and nonbinary filter) #thinking back to mizu binding. i wonder how he felt #that scene can have so many gender filters #pain— applicable to both a woman binding to avoid misogyny and a trans man binding to avoid misogyny and dysphoria #i think no matter how you see mizu; he’s dysphoric in that scene #i could go on #blue eye samurai

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

Idk I feel like hearing people say "Every single trans masc I know passes super easily" is not like. the "trans men have it easier" take you think it us

#its because people that think trans men that dont pass are really cringe #and dont associate themselves with them #transandrophobia #its because if we dont fit in with cis manhood flawlessly then we are abandoned and isolated

[cock-holliday]

It’s not at all surprising that cisfeminists try to push people out of conversations about reproductive care but it’s bizarre as fuck for trans people to do it. Like, I do not know how to express to you that this topic affects like 99% of trans (and adjacent) people.

Obviously (apparently not obvious to many of you) trans and not-cis or not-dyadic people who have or had (at least some of) the organs that allow you to carry a pregnancy are affected by it. It’s YOUR parts. Everyone who can get pregnant is affected. Everyone who could have an abortion is affected. Everyone who has to worry about birth control for THEIR specific own protection is affected. Everyone who has to get a pap smear is affected. It’s regulation about THAT healthcare, about THOSE parts, about accessing care for YOUR body.

Likewise, the ability and responsibility to bear children is placed on ALL women. Every woman who cannot, will not, or won’t become pregnant has their womanhood challenged. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical impossibility (infertility AND choice to remove ability AND never having the ability to begin with) or a personal choice despite the ability—if you identify with womanhood, a large piece of the narrative is equating that role with baby-carrier. Which exists both in larger misogynistic society and as a point of pride among cisfeminists.

It’s a feminist issue for how we need to destroy the way society forces a role, it’s a feminist issue on the grounds of bodily autonomy. So just about everyone, regardless of AGAB, is affected in some way.

It does no good to forget (accidentally or intentionally) the trans people whose bodies are being policed in medicine, nor pretend those whose bodies are being policed by societal role are “being brought up for no reason.”

Of all the genders; trans man, trans woman, cis woman, and identities adjacent and between—none escape this scrutiny and it is a topic that affects all of us.

The only role that it affects less is ‘cis man,’ and even then only so far. Either cis man is an identity that one may not hold permanently in which case the previously cis man is brought into the above categories, OR it’s a role that should be brought into the conversation more because of personal responsibility to the above groups. If we are to actually shift sole responsibility for pregnancy from the one who can get pregnant to also encompass those who can get people pregnant (expanding birth control responsibility, financial and parental responsibility, etc) we have to recognize that no body or identity is absent from this conversation, even if one identity is a silent presence over it all.

#LJsm #while I think cis man is a category most unlike the rest #I still don’t even think THAT identity should be in a total us vs them #both because of how cis men are not solely responsible for this bullshit #but also because of the potential essentialism #by isolating the identity away from the rest of us #it makes it hard for previously cis men to come over to our side as an ‘ex-enemy’ #but also reinforces either that cis men are biologically bad or socialized bad #and both create thought patterns that are used to police trans people within community #aka ‘cis men are the enemy’ isn’t less of a foundation of radfem bullshit than ‘men are the enemy’

[contagious-watermelon]

straight trans guys & aro trans guys solidarity. weird that my whole life I've been expected to be into dudes and now that I'm a guy the lgbts also want me to be into dudes or else they don't really think of me as one of them

and while I'm not attracted to anybody and straight trans dudes are attracted to women, i feel like we're in the same boat here. too queer for the straights and too straight for the queers

#not that i *need* to be a part of the lgbt community like that yk but still #its a little isolating to not fit in with any of the other trans people you find irl #(aside from my trans friends i knew pre-transition obv ily) #(and no shade to the gay & bi people im friends with irl either. this is more abt Generalizing Groups not the individual lgbt people i know) #(Generalized*) #(i fear i may be rambling lol) #transhet #ftm #trans man #aromantic #trans #aro

[a-polite-melody]

Separatism is never the answer. All it does is make all of us more vulnerable, and create spaces full of isolated people who are much more easily manipulated and abused by bad-faith actors.

Queer unity is important for all of us.

#my post #lesbian separatism created a space for radfems to indoctrinate people #baeddelism was used to isolate and eventually abuse other trans women #we are stronger together than we are apart #we are more likely to be harmed if we divide ourselves into factions that distrust one another #(yes this is a post in response to what’s been going on in the transandrophobia and transmisandry tags)

[romanceyourdemons]

saw a video of a middle school percussion class playing crazy train on the xylophones which absolutely rules, but someone in the comments was saying “this is what kids should be learning in school instead of gender.” sir have you SEEN the metal stars of 70s and 80s?? you could probably learn more about gender nonconformity and drag from glam rock and heavy metal bands than you would in a middle school history class that dedicates half a lecture to stonewall or a middle school health class that dedicates half a lecture to gender and sexuality. i certainly know i did

#long hair on men has nothing to do with gender (and revealing studded leather has nothing to do with sexuality) if it’s a classic metal ban #also to be clear in isolation promo shots of metallica will not teach you queer history and health #and cannot be subbed for an actual education on those fronts #but seeing these extremely cool beloved and successful while also obviously gnc people is much more likely to Awaken something in kids #secondhand exposure to bono was enough to turn me trans. imagine what ozzy osbourne could do. #ryddles

[rottingbiogirl]

Difference between an unhealthy inability to be alone and healthy and understandable need for love, community and physical affection??

[vent post because I only go to therapy once every two weeks]

I kinda only have one close friend I can hangout with once or twice a week (with an occassional sleepover). And she is amazing, I love her, but I wish I could be around people that understand me and whom I feel close to… every day? Is that bad?

I genuinely enjoy being alone, wouldn’t want to be around people all the time, and I’m honestly REAAALLY picky about who I want to be friends with, so it’s not like I’m just jumping on every opportunity to socialize just to not be alone.

I’m currently in a position where I kinda don’t have a social group because I don’t go to school and I work from home. And I think the issue is I just need to be around people who get me? Physically, not just online! But also loud crowded places are uncomfortable… so the ideal situation would be like a 90’s sitcom deal where all my best friends live in the apartment nextdoor. But that’s not my reality…

Maybe it’s a family issue? But my family is fine. They’re just not zoomer queers who have the same interests as me. Which is… okay? I don’t know, are you meant to just… fulfil your daily need for community quota by hanging out with your parents and potential sibling(s)? That seems… unrealistic?

Is this just gonna be my life now?

I guess I could eventually move in with some queer friends (would be more realistic money-wise too) and then I’d be guaranteed to have some community time every day even if my work or school social group sucks.

I don’t know, I just- can’t tell if these feelings are a normal response to a bad and alienating circumstance or if I just need to work on being even more okay spending so much time alone.

#it’d be a lot easier to feel community and belonging if my life experience weren’t so fucking niche #most people are cishet and the remainder are cis #and i just can’t genuinely deeply befriend every single trans person I meet! #so what do I do!! #i am lonely #vent post #personal rant #seeking support #personal post #trans isolation #queer isolation

[aimlesswalker]

I just want to be some guy

As a trans man, I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere in the lgbt+ community because I’ll never be attractive to anyone (which is why I ID as queer but even then I feel outcast) and it…. it really hurts sometimes. I’m simultaneously too masculine and not masculine enough.

in the men who are attracted to men spaces, most people when they see me think I’m a twink because of being short/small and/or for being trans/nonbinary. They think I’m hairless, feminine, boyish, submissive, etc. I’m…. at this point in my life I am really really not. Testosterone has made me male and everything that entails. I’ve gained (healthy! good for me!) weight and my stomach sticks out, I’m covered in body hair, I am partway to balding. All the things that are conventionally unattractive about men. All the things that are demonized in trans men. I’m too masculine to fit their idea of a nonbinary person. But masculine in “the wrong way”. I have to either be muscular/fit or small and hairless to be wanted here. I don’t even count as a bear, you’d probably just call my shape a “dad bod”. This isn’t just some vague feeling I get in these spaces- people have legit said to me “oh I love twinks” or “oh I love femboys” and I have to awkwardly explain that no I’m not one actually. I’m not what they want me to be. And I’m really tired of people placing that expectation on me- that I’m a slender hairless twink who is submissive and likes bottoming. Just because I’m small and/or trans. so gross. 

and then in the women who are attracted to men spaces well… they’d never look twice at me. I’m short and not at all muscular/toned/fit. Again, I have gained weight, am hairy, and halfway to bald. Bedsides not being conventionally attractive- they usually want a man who can “provide”. I am disabled and can’t work. I can’t drive. I can’t give them flowers or pick them up for a date. I can’t be any of the things they’re looking for in a partner. Being disabled makes me seen as “less than”. Being dependent on other people is a trait that is endlessly mocked in men. I’m not masculine enough. 

so where the fuck does that leave me? I’m not even going to talk about how being aromantic in queer spaces alienates me further. I love testosterone, I love what it’s done for me and how I feel healthier on it. But like. fuck. I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be attractive to anyone. I never get to feel pretty or handsome. I never get to feel happy about my appearance anymore and that makes me so sad. I used to derive so much joy from picking out outfits and accessorizing and applying glittery make up. I’m too sick to leave the house ever so I don’t do those things anymore, besides the fact that I *can’t* present feminine anymore without risking my safety. People would assume I’m a trans woman and act accordingly because they see a man attempting to be feminine. I am fully man and fully nonbinary, but I never get to exist as both at the same time. I can’t be feminine without people invalidating/forgetting my manhood. I can’t be masculine without people invalidating/forgetting my nonbinary-ness. I’m too masculine for nonbinary spaces and too nonbinary for masculine spaces. I just…….. I get incredibly sad about this.

And people generally don’t care??? the sentiment seems to be that trans men who are masculine, who pass, who are stealth, etc don’t belong in the lgbt+ community, shouldn’t be in lgbt+ or queer spaces. They’re not wanted there because of being masculine. These spaces are only for “non-men”. But the second you talk about your struggles as a trans man as a reason for why you should be included, you get pegged as an owo twink femboy to most people. It’s always one or the other (demonized or infantilized) and I’m really fucking sick of it. It hurts. I just want to be some guy.

#transmisandry #transandrophobia #trans masc #nonbinary #trans male #transgender #disability #fey talks #idk how to tag this at all #i hope this will resonate with some people #i've completely given up dating at this point although i dont want to #i just dont have the energy to sift through 99% of the people who want nothing to do with someone like me #I dont feel like I have any community at this point in time even in online spaces #i dont feel like I fit in anywhere and it is incredibly isolating #i wish i could see myself as handsome or attractive in any capacity #can we please stop shaming men for being bald and hairy #can we please stop infantilizing disabled men #can we please stop calling all trans men twinks or femboys solely bc they are trans #sometimes i want to stop T just to be accepted again #but i cant i need the T for my health issues #does being both man and nonbinary at the same time make me multigender?

[uncanny-tranny]

I often see this impulse from other trans men* that involves hypervigilance of being one of the "good men" who set ourselves apart from the men who hurt others, and I wonder if this ultra-policing actually prevents us from being "bad"

I wonder if agonizing about doing everything "right" is only contributing to poor mental health of trans men* because you are seeing a distorted, monstrous version of yourself, somebody with whom you have to kill off. It forces you into this space of having to be perfect, to beat yourself up over any perceived infraction.

And I just don't think it's an effective measure to ensure we are "one of the good ones." Constantly treating yourself as the beast, treating yourself like a leper who has no place in the civilized world? How does that ensure that you both treat others well but also ensure that you aren't fucking miserable every single moment you're not alone?

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i'm still trying to be More Normal arpund others because i still to this day immediately treat my manhood... #...like a slight. i can feel the way people stare when i am over-apologizing and they're assuring me to my face that i am /fine/... #...i accidentally touched a coworker and i could feel her amusement that i wouldn't accept her acceptance of my three+ apologies... #..i've heard so much about how Awful men are and i carry around this impulse both to protect my manhood but to also apologize that it exist #and that internal shame and isolation doesn't contribute positively because you aren't focused on action if that makes sense #you're so focused on not rocking the boat that your feet grow roots in the ground that prevent you from moving forward #and that feeling of being Stuck is honestly scary and isolating and there's a lot of self-hatred in that (at least in my experience) #because i KNOW what i believe about my manhood is wrong and yet... i often still believe it #it's fadcinating that you can know something is Wrong and yet still firmly believe in it with all your soul #why do i always make these thpe of posts while playing skyrim. damn you todd howard (lighthearted)

[degenderates]

and what if i said i love the word “transsexual” not because of an indication of “changing sexes” but instead a connotation of sexuality (regarding both sexual orientation as well as sexual feelings generally) inherent in gender euphoria. what then.

#gender and sexuality cannot be isolated from each other - they inform each other #transsexual #queer as in fuck you #trans joy is resistance #gender euphoria #trans #transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #queer #radinclus #autoandrophilia #josiah speaks

[lilyblisslys]

question for other transfemmes, how do you feel listening to lesbian/wlw pop music? Thinking like Boy Genius, Hayley Kiyoko, Chappell Roan, etc.

other examples bc apparently not everyone is dating someone who loves sad softpop would be like, Scene Queen, Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus, uhh I think mitski is bi(?)

#I wanna like it but I get major impostor syndrome #like I am not the kind of girl yr talking about fucking and I know it lol #like I’m totally outside all of this subject matter #which feels isolating as all hell #trans

[sorin-sunchild]

Depressing seeing blogs who claim to be 'all about loving trans people!' and 'omg totally t4t' etc reblogging and making memes claiming yet again that believing that the intersectionality of being a man and trans (or masc and trans) causes unique forms of bigotry to emerge targeted at both those things - is inherently transmisogynistic and ofc indicates that the person loves to harass and bully trans women and blame them for everything.

Instead of, you know, it being coincidental that some of the people who talk about their own oppression with their own word which just happens to be controversial (because some trans feminine and even trans masculine people have a bee in their bonnets due to critically misunderstanding the way the world works) happen to be shitty people.

Maybe it shouldn't be if everyone grew up a bit and learnt that the world is more complex than they think and nothing is black and white.

(also tagging it as transandrophobia to make sure we see how much you hate us is cruel and unusual btw)

#do you really think bigotry only targets trans women or have you just been told to believe that #have you wrapped yourself up in the cis radfems 'we are the most oppressed therefore nothing bad happens to you ever' blanket by mistake? #who are you helping by generalising a whole group of trans people? #are you really trans positive/supportive or only so if they fit your group? #are you trying to justify your own suffering by making it seem to have a point and therefore exclusive to you? #are you doing the cis transphobes work for them? #do you feel isolated and weary of those outside of your niche group and over trusting of those within it? #do you say things jkr would agree with? #congratulations any kind of trans person reading this - you have been radicalised! #time to actually listen to each other - end the oppression olympics and actually start to uplift each other! #trans masc people don't owe you silent suffering just because you can't see past your own victimhood