#wanted to get this out but might delete later idk

[vexederolo]

holy shit so i’m 24 now. unreal

#i'm almost finished with my early twenties and like. what the fuck. #uh i hate birthdays #hate having a label on a day so you expect it to be special or different when it's. just a day #and usually does not meet any of your expecations #and it doesn't feel like a birthday at all #cause i have so much house chores to do and i'm so stessed about so many things #and also i don't really have plans and i've had so little social energy this past year #and i live alone so like. feels like it's gonna be the least birthday-y birthday ever #but hey at least it's a saturday so i don't have to take a vacation day from work or something #hope i'll at least do some house chores and feel accomplished i guess #and maybe rest a bit #cause we have a new version release at work on sunday and it's going to be a very long work day probably #after we've already worked till 11pm on thursday. love my job (lying) #uh. yeah. rant over i guess sdjfnkfjsd #personal #wanted to get this out but might delete later idk #tp

[meaningless-mayhem]

Being asexual and possibly aromantic but also being a huge shipper and hopeless romantic is such a wild experience ngl. I'm always freaking out about my favorite ships and giggling internally reading ship fics, getting invested in characters finally kissing or reading about their pining and their love and I think "I want what they have!!"

But then sometimes you have a slamming realization that your sweet shipping scenarios you imagine in your head look totally different irl and that you are extremely aspec.

One time I went down a YouTube rabbit hole and stumbled across Vsauce's "Why Do We Kiss?" video and let me tell you. When I saw that stock video footage of two people kissing each other I was a little flabbergasted lmaooo

#i mean this doesn't apply to all aspecs obviously but like #that stock video footage #they were kissing but it was more sucking each others faces and i was like wait #do people actually do this #lmaoo #it lowkey repulsed me oops #it hit me so hard but it also kind of validated my asexuality a bit too lol #ace #asexual #asexuality #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #aroace #this also may be because i dont watch live action shows or movies that much but still #does anyone else feel like this #ill be hardcore shipping something but i see one minute of irl relationship stuff and feel extremely disconnected #idk if im making sense #id like to hear some thoughts #might delete later but just wanted to get my thoughts out there #someone's probably said something like this before #edit: adding tags #yeah for me imagination of my ships kissing 👍👍👍💖💖 #vs #footage of irl people kissing/live action kissing scenes 🫠 #fandom #fanfic #fanfiction #my rambles

[todayisafridaynight]

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

#snap chats #im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE #my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did #i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn #thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway #i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so #im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that #when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right #i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer #ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is #cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan #didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT #my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit #and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait. #point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3 #ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE

[celluzu]

The thing about kind-of sort-of living in your husbands castle is that it gets cold. Really cold, like, really fucking cold.

Roier shoves himself closer to Cellbit, if that were feasibly possible. It's Cellbit's castle after all, this is his fault and so he can pay for it. At the cost of any semblance of personal space he could offer.

The problem is Roier doesn't think Cellbit feels like he's paying for anything at all. That is of course on account of the fact that his currently incredibly neglectful husband is unconscious.

Unconcious. Sleeping was too kind of a term to describe what Cellbit was doing right now.

He mulls over the idea of leaving to go sleep in the infirmary with Forever. That would of course mean getting Cellbit to let go of him... not likely.

Roier groans. Cellbit shifts, and oh. There we go.

He takes the opportunity immediately to shove his face into Cellbit's chest. It's a great place to be, really, even when he's not freezing his ass off. But right now he is freezing his ass off. It helps, Roier can't say he's surprised. Cellbit always inevitably comes through for him, in wake and in sleep. In sickness and health... something like that.

Whatever, he's warmer now.

He's going to make sure they install a fireplace. Or maybe really thick curtains to the balcony. Then they're going to invest in a much, much thicker blanket.

But for now, he's warmer.

#idk I just think about that big open balcony in their room sometimes like they gotta get a wicked breeze yknow? #qsmp #spiderbit #guapoduo #cellbit #roier #roier qsmp #cellbit qsmp #might delete later because I am not at ALL confident in how I write them I need to study their characters a LOT more #i just wanted this out of my head into words yk

[thefanciestborrower]

Man,,,I’m so tired

#there’s always something going on somewhere in this community that I need to care about #Some problematic person or friend groups who hate each other #Characters you’re allowed or not allowed to draw #You have to like vore one of two hyper specific ways and if you go outside of that then YOU’RE the problematic one #Each part of the community keeps splitting off smaller and smaller and they all hate each other it feels like #Main fandoms hate you for existing and OCs get headcannoned beyond recognition #Idk how to tag this I’m just having a moment #I don’t even want to be in the ‘vore community’ I just want to post stuff #And not fear for my life if I post something slightly out of the norm #Like I like fatal and reformation and I like slightly spicier stuff between couples and I like familial and teens being goofy and #It just feels impossible to exist like that idk #Might delete later tbh #I’m just tired of all the rules and the feuds and the fighting #vent post

[starflungwaddledee]

been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳 #obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it? #idk idk idk is this stupid.... #hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things. #just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!! #i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander #if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!! #also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30 #also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;; #like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH #again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess! #want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG #also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying! #also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars! #delete later #probably #wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b

[doubledyke]

Once I head someone say Sarah is the only really necessary or meaningful female character, and that Nazz and the Kankers are pretty much disposable; ''Nazz has no personality, and the Kankers are absent from 50% of episodes and are just a Diabolous ex-machina ending when they appear. The could work very well without any of them.''

What do you think of this?

are they implying that she's only "meaningful" because she's related to ed? because...yikes dog. sarah serves a pretty similar role to the kankers in that she foils the scams and pranks and acts as an obstacle and/or deterrent. an antagonist. but the way they fulfill the role and the reaction they get from the eds are different in ways that i'm too lazy to get into at the moment.

now i could genuinely be missing something because i've never taken a class on media analysis or whatever the fuck, but i truly don't get what people mean when they say nazz is uniquely lacking in personality. i'm not saying eene has excellent, fleshed out female characters, but some people act as if 1) any of the non-eds have highly complex personalities that are explored canonically 2) being kind, outgoing, flirtatious, sporty, etc. aren't personality traits. just because someone doesn't like her personality doesn't mean it doesn't exist. and we know just as much, if not more about nazz's interests than we do the kankers. or jonny: he likes wood, is laid back and seems to enjoy superheroes. or kevin: he likes bmx. he's a bully. he has a crush on nazz. he's buds with rolf, whose backstory we probably know the most about after the eds (maybe even more?). then there's jimmy who lowkey has a great, complex personality.

seems like since nazz is pretty, is into stereotypically "girly" things and is nice, people consider her a "bad" (female) character. which to me is hilarious and ironic. these are the same people who call the kankers "evil". like okay... 😂

this idea that all female characters are supposed to be virtuous geniuses... it's a show about 3 dumbass preteen boys. there are tons of female-led shows available out there, and female main characters galore. these people should go watch em. seriously. im tired of hearing about it frankly.

oh and if edd was canonically a girl, people would hate her and call her a mary sue 👍

#idk i might delete this later bc i'm in a piss poor mood atm and i don't mean to sound harsh #as usual not ranting at you anon #but people can make up tomes of fanon lore for these male cartoon characters #but suddenly the hc well runneth dry when it's time to get creative with a female character whose backstory isn't spelled out for them #i'm not saying you have to divide your attention equally between male and female characters because i don't #but i also don't need my cartoons to be feminist manifestos lmfao #i have to live as an afab every day i have my own thanks #just saying if someone wants female stories with great female characters they're out there #stop looking for them on netflix and amazon prime maybe #okay let me stop because i'm getting riled up and going off the deep end #i don't even care like THAT but once i get going i can't stop #can you tell i've had a terrible week #oh and to the anon who sent the ask about a certain ship #sorry mate i'm not posting that one #text

[craycraybluejay]

Honestly I think I do want to have kids someday. Definitely not bio kids but kids of my own all the same. Maybe just 1, maybe an entire 2.

I want to give the love and support that was not afforded to me. I want to watch them grow into amazing adults and know that I gave this child/these children the opportunity to live a good, fulfilled life. I want to instill in them my love of books; teach them important things like courage and bravery, kindness, respect, a sense of genuine wonder in a world so empty of it. I want to encourage their interests and pursuits and congratulate them when they work hard no matter the end result. I want to be the parent I never had, the best one possible.

I don't know where that fits into the rest of my life plan if it does at all. Idk. Sometimes when I experience something cool and whimsical I think; wouldn't it be awesome to share this with my own kid? A nice book or a pretty landscape or when I'm thinking about advocacy for good public schools. The thought creeps in, wouldn't it be amazing to keep even one person safe from the foster care system? Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to nurture and support? Wouldn't it be awesome if because I was such a good parent my child lived a happy life where they felt free and safe to follow their dreams and be themselves and things?

#baby fever #or something like that #the mentally ill urge to save someone to make it better to not just break but eviscerate the cycle of violence #the masculine urge #to be a good dad the bestest dad to be selfless and protective and learn how to make room in life #meh ill worry about stuff like that when im no longer selfish and surviving and have the rest of my shit figured out #when i get old is probably the best time but is it cruel? #knowing you may have 10 20 30 years at most #idk #human lifespans are stupid as shit #youre born and youre not a person and then suddenly 16/18/etc. years later you are and u have all the responsinilities that come with it #and the weight of your whole life ahead of you #and if ur like me no one really taught you how to adult #and no matter how big your dreams you should supposedly figure out your life asap if you want kids #cuz no one wants a good parent to die when theyre young #but in the end grief is a natural byproduct of love #might delete later #getting all sentimental and shit

[piplupcola]

I just want to commend you artists, you writers, you game designers and cosplayers and anyone who does creative stuff out there on finding the courage to create. Many of you out there are plagued with depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and so many other worries and doubts about your ability to create. I am one such person, and though I have so many ideas and stories in my head i could explode, I lose confidence in my ideas and skill so rapidly from just holding a pen, basically nothing ever gets put on page. I'll tell myself I'm lucky if I even get a single drawing done in a year, frankly calling myself an artist is more a fraud than anything.

But you people, you creative amazing people manage to overcome that. No matter how good you think your work is or your level of skill, you draw and write and do it anyway, some of you even post it online for people to see, something I'm almost always ashamed about doing in fear of someone I know seeing it (why do u think I'm hiding here on tumblr where none of the much more talented people I know go). I've always admired yet envy you amazing people, who are passionate about art, who sit down and still make stuff after a long day of work because it makes u relax, who see art as joy than something you need to do because it's work, who would draw and create despite all the hardships and doubts and worries the world and yourself have place upon you.

The fact that you're able to get pass all that and get a sketch, a word, an idea down on a page, I think you all are so very incredibly brave. Much braver than me at least. No matter where you are on your creative journey right now, keep doing what you're doing and create. It is those that keep going that make it to success in the end. I unfortunately will not be one those people, but I hope that I can keep cheering others on instead.

#art #artists #honestly its late and i might delete this in the morning #i just wanna get this out of my head so i can sleep #artists on tumblr #i feel like if i ever get drunk this is what my rambles would be like #idk cos i dont drink #but i hope ill be an encouraging drunk more than a sad drunk #right now with half my brain begging me to sleep i feel like both #keep drawing guys #thats the long and short of it #i came out of art school learning that i could never be an artist #not because of skills or anything its bcos i just have no drive to create like others #no matter how well i did in school it was always just to get a good grade #that when i left school there were no more assignments and i never could draw like i did in school again #it was then that i realise i could draw if i had to but i could never truly be an artist who draws bcos they want to #its just something i accepted and i need to learn to move on from #anyways night rambles #im gonna delete this later #im like that snowman in Undertale #i wont be able to go where you all go but i hope youll take a piece of me with you through all your art #anyways drink lots of water stayin school fuck AI and im gonna pass out #artist on tumblr

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

a tidbit abt the animatronic-reader au

ive kinda got a story/plot idea for the au but im too lazy to like draw it or anything so here ya go. yea idk why im like this either but more info below th cut 

-

okay so this idea is basically just centered around the idea that repair-themed-staff-bot Reader would be around during the events of Security Breach, lowkey trying to help Gregory and Freddy but really, really not wanting to get in trouble.

im also imagining that Reader-bot was brought into the Plex either shortly before or shortly after Moon got the Afton-virus, and also also going to assume that he was bugging out for a little while before Security Breach takes place. 

Reader-bot, like the other, more basic STAFF bots, is generally allowed to wander the ‘Plex at night. Most nights they just hang out in the Parts and Services area, maybe there’s a station/storage area there specifically for STAFF bots not in use? Idk, i havent looked at the map in depth in a while. Point is, most of the time they just kinda,, hang out in their room, essentially. They don’t feel like they’re ‘cool’ enough to hang around the Glamrock animatronics, and they’re either too timid or not close enough to Sun/Moon to comfortably hang out with them for a whole night. Yeah, their whole thing is feeling awkward and out of place in this au idk what to tell you.

Maybe one night when they’re out just kind of exploring the ‘Plex, Infected-Moon starts tracking them and then chasing them down, just to get a kick out of it. The first time they don’t even think to run away so he easily overpowers them and leaves some amount of damage on them that leaves them defunct for a few days before they’re up and functional again. After the first time, Moon makes a habit of it, and each time it happens, Reader wises up more and more until eventually they always run from him like they’re running for their life. One night he catches them and in a moment of panic and quick thinking, they grab a screwdriver from their utility belt and slash him with it. It distracts him enough for them to get away, but from that point on it’s fuckin PERSONAL

And that’s also the first time Reader-bot realizes that, even though there’s nothing wrong with them, nothing they can find on a diagnostic scan, something is strange and they don’t like it. They don’t know it yet, but that’s the first time they noticed they were FEELING something, and they were feeling afraid.

After the events of Security Breach- assuming Afton is gone but the ‘Plex hasn’t burned- Moon is cured of the virus and can only remember some of what happened while he was infected. He recalls thinking that he and Reader-bot used to play a fun game of cat and mouse and that it had sometimes been the time of his life, but he can’t remember the exact details of what the game was and how it was played.

So, the first time Reader-bot and Moon cross paths after the virus is gone, he’s confused when they all but RUN in the opposite direction- and from then on, they do everything in their power to avoid him as much as they possibly can. They avoid working in areas of the ‘Plex where they know he is until he’s left. During the dark hours, they’re nowhere to be found. Yeah, they don’t feel as fondly about the games as he did.

And Moon was confused- he’d played some silly games with them at some point, hadn’t he? And why would they act so strange around him anyway, they were a STAFF bot- clueless, brainless, as awake and aware as a dried up ink pen. Okay, so maybe they did something a little different than the usual STAFF bot, but that was like expecting the ice-cream bot to be special just because it’s not a copy-paste of the other hundred bots in this dumb building.

And they apparently liked SUN just fine- it was JUST Moon they didn’t like. They even liked the Glamrock animatronics, and THEY’D had the same virus he had! So what gives??

Moon has to be rehabilitated back to being a daycare attendant again before the daycare can open again, he’s still just a little too unpredictable for anyone’s taste. Reader-bot was damaged at some point during the night of the breach, but they’re fixed up now and back to work. They used to spend empty hours in the daycare, Sun was one of the only animatronics that treated them as an equal and didn’t mind that they were silent or just preferred to watch and listen, but now... Well, during open hours, that’s where Moon is.

ANYWAY IDK WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE THATS ALL I’VE GOT SORRY idk man im sorry but this shit been sitting in my head giving me brainrot all day and idk i thought someone might find it at least a little interesting

#rambles #long post #not fine au #repairbot reader au #fnaf fanfic #it was in reality not fine fic #bones of a rabbit #bones of a rabbit fic #Fanfic ideas #fanfic rambles #word vomit lmao sorry #idk my brain is weird today #sun/moon x reader #repairbot au #idea rambles #i might delete this later idk #i just wanted the words out of my brain kjdfjhsdf they were all stuck in there and it was getting annoying #this whole idea can be summed up as #moon: gives readerbot trauma #readerbot: doesn't like moon #moon: >:O

[my-beloved-lakes]

I see a lot of people I knew from school posting pictures on their social medias with all their friends doing various fun things together. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home wishing I could take a group photo with all my Tumblr mutuals to post so I can brag about having the best friends.

#too much of my social life is based on Tumblr but i really don't get out much since I don't have a job and i made like 1 friend in school #so i don't really know anyone to hangout with other than my siblings and my one friend #and i don't go out much exept for occasionally to the library or the store so i don't get the chance to meet new people #i used to have all 5 of my sisters at home and that was all the company i needed #but now they've all moved out except for my younger sister and im realizing that im very deeply lonely #i need to get a social life! but how! #Also i think this is part of the reason I jumped into things too quickly with my ex gf now my best friend #like I was so excited that i had found someone who was just as interested in being friends with me as i was with her #that i misstook my feelings for her as romantic ones cuz i was so lonely and she was such a good friend #and i was so scared to tell her cuz I didn't want to ruin our relationship. it didn't. we're still besties. #but i think im so lonely idk if I'll be able to know the difference between platonic and romantic feelings #and part of that definitely comes from being ace as well #anyways there's my tangent for the night about why I need a better social life and maybe a bit of therapy too #haha that got super personal oops 😬 #might delete these tags later

[roseverdict]

"my adult children are lazy and have no dreams and are perfectly content to leech off of me their entire lives!" no!!! you dipshit!!!!! they're several diagnosed types of mentally ill each, unmedicated for all of them through no choices of their own, unable to go anywhere outside the house without parental permission or assistance*, and have repeatedly been outright mocked by you for expressing joy at things they like and jobs they want to have while you claim to always support them!!!!!!! you cannot treat them as failures of completely fine and fully-autonomous adults when you never even finished teaching them the things you think every teenager should learn!!!!!!!!!

*: and even then they're chafing badly enough that they are pushing for ways to work around you! to escape you!!! once they can pedal a bicycle for further than a mile without going into Goddamn cardiac arrest it's fucking over for you!!!!!

(EDIT BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THIS HERE BUT ALSO UM: yall ever feel like you're engaged in a cold war that's never actually been declared? bc the increased aggression in the passive-aggressive texts over the past 24 hours (DESPITE the fact that most stuff from the last batch was in fact addressed in a timely fashion) has me like 👁️👁️. mom, dad, if you're reading this, you know you can talk to me like the 24-year-old human person i am, right? not treat me like an impudent teenager who doesn't deserve to make their own choices and should be grateful to even be living with you, then get frustrated when i'm making angry vent-like posts online?)

#rosie rambles #rosie rants #'hurr durr im a good parent bc my kids never ran off to live under a bridge for a winter rather than deal with me' #THE BAR IS IN THE OCEAN. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF. DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. #and this isn't even getting into. you know. the garbage fire of endless fake job advertisements. #i think that if i can figure out a way to get employed at home. i will tell my brothers. but not my parents. and just suffer the shame #until i have enough saved to move somewhere and support myself while i get driving lessons and hopefully get a dinky lil smartcar or smth #the dream is having mom and dad dial back the constant passive-aggression but the realistic dream is eventual no-contact #idk. might delete later. might not. i'm just very tired all the time #i just. it feels like they want live-in housecleaners obligated to do as told while also shaming us for going along w/ that. #and also shaming us for not wanting to do that? araraararrrgh (derogatory) #(ADDING W/THE EDIT: i THOUGHT there was a mutual understanding of #'yeah this is my online username but its necessary for everyone to have a space away from their parents sometimes' #connecting unrelated dots or paranoia? fuck if i know)

[antique-lamplight]

thoughts on myhouse.wad, from someone who has never played doom

spoilers, obviously. also genre-typical mind fuckery, maybe. youve been warned

as the title of the post suggests, i have never had any association with doom in my life.

i literally only have sufficient knowledge of this mod because of mindlessly scrolling through tumblr yesterday, and stumbling upon a link to power pak's video essay on the game. seemed interesting enough, i supposed.

perhaps it was not the best idea to watch the entire thing despite warnings to play it blind beforehand, but i did so anyway, justifying it with my aforementioned lack of background with the base game and anything surrounding it. but narrative and technical genius of the mod aside--theres probably so many posts across all manners of sites about that--its just...really inspiring as a passion project. the tributes to both the creator's deceased friend and the doom modding community as a whole is perhaps even more touching to me precisely because it's a circle i was never a part of. celebrating something that brings joy by creating and sharing with others who are, too, pouring their hearts in a similar manner, is just such an innately human experience regardless of what that thing is, and even though its not representative of the scene as a whole, im glad i got to at least slightly understand the object of the creator's passion, and how it ties into his experiences and the bonds he shared.

on an unrelated note...ive noticed that when i search for the game on google, youtube, or the like, the search autofill will erraneously suggest "myhouse.was." a simple mistake by perhaps either too many people making hurried typos or the engine itself "correcting" the searches, but...i think it adds to it. the house indeed was a lot of things. an unfinished project by a nerd inspired by other nerds, a place likely full of unspoken pain. a safeguard for remnants of old memories.

you really dont see art like this every day.

#fan communities are so important actually #i have so many thoughts but either i cant word them well or theyve been better expressed by others already #also the concept just scratches a nice itch in my brain bc reality bending stuff like this appeals to the feeling i have of not being “real #but thats a whole other story #i love artistic expression!!!! #i want to see the beauty of creation and the feelings behind it transcend the mediums upon which they were made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #might delete later #idk just wanted to get that out on my “deep thoughts about fandom” account #lamp musings #myhouse.wad

[somelazyassartist]

#. having some struggles with art lately #like I'm struggling with Making The Art y'know?? #it's not art block because i HAVE the ideas and the desire to draw but i just. can't #i don't know if it's stress or my bones shifting weird or just being tired or what but Something is keeping me from drawing what i want #when i do draw something it doesn't turn out looking good and other times i can't force myself to draw at all #which really sucks because I'm on a time limit for a lot of art! #I've been trying to work on Artfight for ages‚ a zine I've been waiting MONTHS for applications to open‚ making stickers for my DnD group! #all of those have very specific time limits and i just! can't! get! myself! to! draw!!!!!! #i might delete this later i just needed. some way to vent it out #this didn't turn out how i wanted either but that's sorta the point lol #idk. just feeling really stressed out about it i guess #vent #vent art #three eyed cats in my living room

[princesssarcastia]

the way public discourse is profoundly failing both Palestinians and Israelis in turns isn't surprising, but it sure is a depressing refresher on the importance of refusing to dehumanize anyone. the importance of remembering that states are not moral actors; and that a nation's government is not its people, and often does not represent the will of its people.

i mean, shit, as an american, how fucked would i be if people in other countries tried to hold me responsible for the bloody things my government has done in my name? pretty goddamn fucked. so i should refuse to level that condemnation at anyone else.

so as we watch netanyahu call this terrorist attack israel's 9/11, and watch his administration gear up to carry out what might charitably be labeled ethnic cleansing, if not outright genocide, against people who had fuck all to do with it, in some twisted strongman show of force and revenge, in a continuation of the same violence that will only beget more violence as it always does...

i can only see the specters of the american wars in afghanistan and iraq. and i can refuse to condemn israeli people for the actions of their government. all while expressing grief and outrage at the atrocity hamas committed against israel. its truly fucking horrifying what they did, and what israeli people suffered.

and also, as someone whose government has a long, torrid history supporting right-wing dictatorships and leaders, to the detriment of those leaders' peoples and also, to the eventual detriment of americans...

as someone whose country literally lived through the frame of reference that netanyahu is using to contextualize what israel's government is about to do...

i can say firmly that israel's government, much like america's government, creates its own demons. this is what happens when you visit nothing but war and cruelty upon a group of people. this is the end result! this is always the end result of oppression and violence. you reap what you sow.

that doesn't justify what hamas did, or what it will continue to do in the coming days. but goddamn, if you spend decades taking away people's homes, taking away their opportunities for economic advancement, refusing them any meaningful participation in their own governance, penning them in with no resources and no hope, and then gunning them down in the streets when they try to protest it or otherwise acceptably fight for change and progress—

you will always end up where we are right now. always. if you leave a group of people with no other option within a system but to wait for better days and kinder enemies and suffer horrors in the meantime, some of them will inevitably radicalize and seek violent options outside that system.

and millions of Palestinian people are now going to suffer, and die, and become further displaced, as they have suffered for decades. because israel's government, like america's government, can't stop sowing the seeds that inevitably grow into its deadliest enemies.

so long as they continue to oppress palestinian people, things like this will continue to happen. which is why we should take every opportunity to condemn that oppression, and why i can refuse to condemn palestinian people for the actions of hamas. all while expressing grief and outrage at the atrocity the israeli government is committing against paelstine.

#and to all those motherfuckers on twitter now blaming egypt for what's about to happen... #really sincerely FUCK you. fuck y'all #hamas ≠ palestinians #and the israeli government ≠ the israeli people #and CERTAINLY the israeli government ≠ jewish people generally #if you wanna condemn groups or actors for the atrocities being handed out like fucking candy right now-- #good! me too! #but don't conflate palestinians with hamas #and don't conflate israelis—or jews—with netanyahu's government #and be sure you're not dismissing or dehumanizing any of the real people #who are suffering and dying for things outside their control #i might delete this later? #but idk. after several days of consuming mainstream news coverage #and select punditry coverage #and unfortunately also some truly disgusting hot twitter takes #my own thoughts are finally coalescing into something coherent #wanted to get it out

[angered-box]

yknow realizing my family was super fucking mean to me for no reason before i turned 18

#no cause. why did my parents threaten to beat me for having a low C almost D/ any missing assignments. but now whenever my mother finds out #about it she like. actually asks if i'm doing alright and not yelling at me to turn them in (she still wants me to do good but like. there' #no more threats?) i mean my bio dad might still do that but i don't tell him anything about my classes anymore #AND ALSO HOW I USED TO BE PICKED ON BY MY BIO DAD AND MY GRANDPARENTS WHEN IWAS YOUNGER FOR HAVING TEXTURE ISSUES BUT NOW THEY'RE LIKE #“oh yea i can't eat this food because i just don't like it” AND UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I SAY I CAN'T EAT CERTAIN THINGS. #i just GAHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK #i still remember when my mom and bio dad thought i was lying to them about losing my glasses when i was FUCKING 9-10. they thought i #hid/threw them out!!! and when i found them like a few years later because they were in a spot in my bag young me never really used #MY MOTHER STILL THOUGHT I PUT THEM THERE ON PURPOSE. THIS WAS YEARS AGO BUT I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT #I HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE A LIAR ABOUT THINGS FOR SO LONG TO THE POINT THAT I CAN'T HANDLE JOKES ABOUT LYING AND ALSO GET SCARED THAT #I'M NOT BEING TRUTHFUL EVEN IF I AM!!! #anyways :D #i'll probably delete this later idk i feel bad right now