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thef1diary · 2 months

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Little Big Fan | Eight

— Little Big Allergy

Series Masterlist

wc: 3.6k

Note: I am not a medical professional, so please let me know if something is incorrect

"Don't you dare think about cancelling, you are going on that date," your best friend's voice rang out of your phone on speaker while you were choosing a dress for tonight.

You turned to look at the phone, as if your best friend was standing there, "I'm not going to cancel, I just don't know what to wear," you responded, placing another dress against your body but frowning.

"Wear that one sexy red dress you have, who knows, you might just get laid tonight."

You shuffled through your closet, finding the red dress in the back, which was expected since you didn't wear it in a long time. You held it out in front of you, "don't you think it's too revealing for the first date? Maybe I could wear this next time."

It was a backless, short garment with two straps. While the back was revealing, so was the front, which featured two cutouts around the hips and exposed a bit of cleavage due to the lack of material.

Your friend hummed, "so we're planning a second date as well huh?" You could basically hear her smirk on the other end. "Well I hope this date goes well," you reasoned, but the jittery feeling didn't go away.

"You and Max are already good friends who happen to flirt occasionally, what could go wrong?" Then after a short pause, she added, "actually no, don't answer that. Try your blue dress, I bet he'd like to see you in blue."

After almost every interaction you've had with Max, starting from the grocery store, you've told your friend everything. Which is why when she suggested wearing blue, you weren't opposed to it.

Putting your red dress back in the closet for another time, which was hopefully soon, you held a navy blue dress in your hand, examining it before holding it up against your body.

While this one, like the red dress, had two straps holding it together, it was longer, reaching a few inches past your knees and including a little slit down the side for convenience.

"Alright, this is the one," you stated and continued conversing with your friend while you changed and began doing your makeup.

"So Bella is at Tyler's?" She asked, making you nod before realizing that she couldn't see you. "Yeah, she'll be there for the weekend."

"Oh how fun!" You could hear the sarcasm in her voice and chuckled, "it's fine, she should be spending time with her dad."

"The same one who called her overdramatic? Did you seriously have to have a kid with a guy like him?" This was a conversation you've had with her many times, and you would always reply with the same answer, "we were young and immature, but Isabella is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"She truly is, which makes me glad that she turned out like you more than him." You chuckled, "oh trust me, I am glad about that too. It would've been a nightmare if I had to see a little version of him all the time."

"So, speaking of Isabella, how are you going to tell her that you are dating someone who happens to be her favourite person in her favourite sport?"

You groaned, "I don't know, I really don't know. I can't stop thinking about it, because of what Tyler told me," you explained. "Are you still believing his words? Actually scratch that, why are you letting your ex determine your future relationship?"

"God, why do you have to ask such questions," you muttered, taking a moment to think about your response.

"I don't want to believe him, I have a feeling something else happened that day which he didn't tell me about. Plus he's not only my ex, he's the father of my child. I don't think of him as anything more than that."

"Honestly that asshole shouldn't even be considered the father of such a beautiful little girl," your friend stated, and you couldn't help but agree with her.

"Anyways, let's not talk about him, I don't want to ruin my mood before the night even starts," you comment, with your friend humming in agreement.

"You're right, let's talk about Max!" She exclaimed, making you chuckle. That's whom you ended up talking about for the remainder of the time you were getting ready.

Even though she knew all the details right from day one, she wanted another whole story time of how you and Max met, leading up to when he asked you out. Instead of opposing to repeat the story, which you don't even know how many times you've told her by now, you happily told her all the details as if it was the first time.

A few minutes after you ended the phone call with your best friend, your phone rang again which you initially thought was a call from Max. However, it was a call from an unknown number.

You answered the call, and you were met with a woman's panicking voice on the other end, "is this Isabella's mother?"

"Yes, who is this?" You asked first, calming down the inner voices that instantly thought about the worse possible scenario involving your daughter.

"I'm Emma, I don't know if you know me but I am actually at the hospital, with Isabella." You tightened your grasp on the phone, as it was close to slipping away from your hands at Emma's words.

"What happened and which hospital are you at?" You instantly began moving around your house, finding your car keys as you waited for a response.

Emma told you the address as you were leaving through the front door. "She had a severe allergic reaction, and I thought it would be best to bring her to the hospital. I am sorry for disturbing you, I wasn't able to get in touch with Tyler."

You took a deep breath in, knowing that it was bound to happen someday, even though you would rather not have it happen at all. "I'm on my way, should be there in ten minutes. Thank you for letting me know."

It would've been pointless to argue with her, especially since she was the one who informed you of the situation at hand and had the decency to take your daughter to the hospital.

You rushed into the hospital within eight minutes, a record time for you, and you might've broken a few speeding laws but it was for a good reason. It didn't take too long finding Isabella, considering she was in the ER, with a frantic woman standing nearby, whom you assumed was Emma.

As soon as she spotted you, her first words to you was another apology, "I am so, so sorry, I had no idea she had a peanut allergy." That led you towards one question, well more than one but you started off with just one, "what happened?"

She sighed, before telling you how she spent the entire day with Isabella. "One of my friends came by and dropped off some baked goods, I swear I had no idea that it had peanuts in it."

You reasoned that if you calmed her down, it would calm you down as well, because the increasing dread in your thoughts would not benefit you in any situation. You put your hands on her shoulders, "I'm not blaming you for it, you didn't know."

You looked at the doors leading to the ER, "how bad was it?" Emma hesitated before muttering words that made your heart ache, "really bad, she started swelling up everywhere and then passed out."

You tried to sit down, but the need to know her well-being caused you to walk back and forth in the hallway. Your phone buzzed in your hand, and you were about to ignore it until you recalled something really important.

"Shit!" Max was calling. Of course he was, after all he was expecting you to be home and ready for a date tonight.

"Hey, I'm standing at your front door, are you home or?" He started and awkwardly chuckled, causing you to shut your eyes, imagining how the night was expected to go. He was probably holding a bouquet of flowers, looking like an idiot standing by the door because you weren't home.

"Max, I'm so sorry, I'm actually at the hospital." There was no reason to lie, but even after telling the truth, you didn't feel any less guilty.

"What happened? Are you okay? Is Isabella okay?" His response was quick, and slightly surprising but you've known Max long enough that his kindness wasn't as shocking anymore.

"It's Isabella, allergic reaction," you briefly described, and heard some shuffling around on the other end before he asked for the address. "You don't have to come," you told him as you normally did, but he didn't agree again, saying "I want to."

You didn't argue with him, as your heart warmed at the fact that Max wanted to see Isabella himself, and stay right by your side until she was completely fine.

Quickly telling him the address as you noticed a doctor walking towards you and Emma, you hung up the call. "Which one of you is the patient's guardian?"

You stepped forward, "I'm her mother, how is she?"

"It was an anaphylactic allergic reaction, however everything is under control. We've administered epinephrine but we will be moving her to the ICU for a few hours just for observation purposes in case the symptoms are back."

You let out a sigh in relief, as did Emma. "Thank you," you nodded towards the doctor. Once they left, you sat down, the anxiousness leaving your body.

Looking at Emma, who was standing against the wall in front of you, you had another question brewing in your mind. "Where was Tyler when all this happened?" You asked, remembering that she called you only because she couldn't reach him.

"He said he had an emergency meeting come up," Emma spoke her words carefully, earning raised eyebrows from you. "He left you alone with my daughter?" You had to confirm the words you were hearing and scoffed once she nodded.

"It's not your responsibility to take of my child, it's his. You're not her guardian nor babysitter, you shouldn't have to do that." Emma shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, "it's not the first time."

"How dare he?" You muttered under your breath before standing up and stepping closer to her. "We both have epipens for situations like this, and I am assuming that since you didn't know about her allergy, Tyler didn't tell you about the epipen either?”

Emma shook her head, "no, he didn't."

His lack of attention, led Isabella right to this moment. If he had told Emma about your daughter's allergy, or even what to do when she has allergic reaction, neither of you would be this worried about her health.

Emma, having realizing the depth of the situation, sighed, "I haven't been able to get a hold of him and if it weren't for Isabella constantly talking about you and telling me your phone number to the point where I had it memorized, I wouldn't have known what to do in this situation."

You pitied the woman standing in front of you, especially as you also knew that it was not her fault. You cracked a smile, "she talks about me huh?"

"Oh yeah, she considers you the best mother in the world, and based on her stories, I agree with her."

Then, you heard Max calling your name, walking towards you in a rush. He instantly wrapped an arm around your waist as if it was an instinct, "is she okay?"

Emma stepped away, picking up her phone for another useless attempt of calling her boyfriend.

You wrapped both arms around Max, bringing him in a hug, "yeah, she's okay."

Once he pulled back, he cradled your face with his palms, "are you okay?" You smiled, and your eyes filled with unshed tears because of his question. "Much better now."

Then, Max noticed your outfit which happened to be the dress you were supposed to wear on your date. "Wow," he breathed, his gaze unwavering, taking you in.

He was also dressed up, wearing a suit with a bow tie, and you couldn't help but reach up to touch it, "cute," you commented, making him raise his brows.

"Cute?" He repeated with a questioning tone. You nodded, biting your bottom lip to prevent a smile. "Cute and handsome."

"You are beautiful," he replied, watching as you avert your eyes because his gaze was intense.

"Oh, Max, this is Emma," you decided to introduce them, and added, "she's the one who brought Isabella here."

Max raised an eyebrow in question, "I thought Isabella was with Tyler?" He asked, directed at you more than Emma.

"Well, he wasn't home when this happened, only Emma and Isabella," you stated, and Max gauged your emotions for a moment, quickly recognizing the underlying rage you had directed at your ex. Max knew you'd be discussing this later, in the safety of your own house, so he didn't ask you to elaborate.

A nurse came by, "Isabella is now conscious, and asking for her parents," they stated, along with the room number.

Emma looked at you and Max with a fond smile, before turning towards you, "I think I should get going now that you're here."

A genuine smile graced your lips, "thank you, Emma, for bringing her here and for staying with her even without him."

"Of course, she's the cutest little girl and I'm glad to get to know her." Both of you stood still for a moment, debating on whether or not you should hug her. Then, without thinking twice you initiated a hug that was easily welcomed by her.

You waited till she left your sights before looking at Max, "let's go?" You held out your hand but he shrugged, "she's asking for her parents, you should go."

You stepped forward and grabbed his hand, "you're coming with me," you decided for him. Although Max didn't pull away, he asked, "what if she doesn't want to see me?"

"Trust me, she'll be happy to see you," you convinced him and walked towards the room she was admitted in while holding each other's hand.

When you entered, Isabella's smile widened once she spotted you and Max. "Mama, Maxy!" She cheered, though quieter than usual.

A nurse stood by her side, monitoring her health and checking the IV drip inserted into your daughter's arm.

"Oh my angel, how are you?" You dropped Max's hand and walked closer to her, lightly kissing her forehead. Instead of a verbal response, she formed a thumbs up with her hand.

Then she looked at the door again, "is daddy coming too?" Isabella asked, sounding hopeful. You shook your head, "no sweetheart, daddy is not coming."

Instead of the usual deflated mood, she shrugged, "it's okay, Maxy's here." She held her arms around asking for a hug, only flinching for a moment since she forgot about the drip connected to her arm.

Max quickly stepped forward, bending over to hug her. "All good, Bella?" He asked, once he felt her arms wrap around him tighter. She nodded for a moment then shook her head against him, "it hurts," she whispered.

He brought his hand up to ruffle her hair before pulling away, "you are a very brave girl."

"Really?" She asked, and scooted over a little so Max could sit beside her. He nodded, "of course! Very brave."

She beamed, snuggling closer to him before looking at you. "Mama, come here," she patted the other side, and surprisingly the three of you were able to fit on the very small hospital bed.

A nurse was constantly in the room, checking in on Isabella's health from time to time and since there weren't any repeated symptoms of an allergic reaction, the three of you were out of the hospital in a few hours.

Max followed you in his car, and carried your sleeping daughter inside the house. Instead of taking her straight to her bedroom, he laid her down on the couch in case she wakes up and needs her mother.

It was safe to say that you were not going too far away from her any time soon.

You were in the kitchen, filling up a glass of water when he returned. He stood behind you, with his hands trailing down your sides before resting on your waist, and his chin on your shoulder. "Did I tell you how stunning you look?"

You hummed, "maybe a few times but I don't mind hearing it again."

He turned you around in his grasp, "well, you look breathtakingly beautiful."

You blushed, "you and your compliments," you chuckled. "What's wrong with it?" He asked, but you shook your head, "nothing, it's just I'll never get bored of hearing it."

He smiled, "good, because you'll be hearing at least one every day."

You tilted your head to the side, "every day? Are you sure you won't run out?" He shook his head, "not unless you keep finding ways to make me speechless."

Both of you remained in that position for a moment but then you frowned, "I'm sorry,"

"For what?" He tilted your chin up as soon as you averted your gaze away from him. "We weren't able to go on the date."

Max let out a sound in protest, "I'm pretty sure your daughter's health matters so much more than our date night. Plus the night isn't over," he added with a smile, confusing you even further.

"What does that mean?" He parted away from you and it quickly made you miss the warmth that his body provided you. "Why don't you go change into something comfortable," he suggested, almost pushing you out of the kitchen.

You weren't opposed to the idea, so you went upstairs to change after checking on your daughter. You found the most comfortable pair of sweatpants and a shirt, and removed your makeup as well.

Walking back downstairs, you saw Max waiting at the bottom of the stairs for you. He had removed his blazer and bow tie, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt as well.

He held out his hand, waiting for your hand to hold his, and although you were confused, you wouldn't pass up an opportunity to hold his hand.

"It's not much, definitely not up to first date standards but we'll manage," he commented as he led you to the kitchen table where he had prepared two packets of instant noodles.

"I haven't been on a date in forever so anything you do will set my standards." You smiled when you noticed the lit candle.

"Well, then I will raise your standards next time by taking you out on a proper date." He held the chair out for you, waiting for you to sit before rounding the table and sitting down himself.

It took two minutes before Max moved his own chair right next to yours because he didn't want to sit on the opposite side. You chuckled at his antics but it was much appreciated.

"What's on your mind?" he asked once he saw you visibly thinking. You shrugged, "I don't think we should be discussing these thoughts on a first date."

"This is far from what a first date should be like, so there are no rules. I know you want to talk about what happened at the hospital," he prompted and he was spot on, so you agreed.

"I can't believe he actually left Isabella under Emma's supervision. Not that there is anything wrong with her, but it's not her responsibility!" Max nodded in agreement, "where was he?"

"In a fucking meeting," you exasperated, eating another forkful of the noodles. "It must've been very stressful for Emma," you sighed, finishing your short rant because you truly had no words for your ex's irresponsible behaviour.

Still, Max listened to every word. Once you were finished eating, he turned your chair towards him. "We can agree on the fact that he is an incompetent father."

"Yeah, I don't even know what would've happened if Emma wasn't there either. He surely wouldn't have left Bella alone right?"

Max shrugged, "hey, stop worrying about what could've happened. Bella's safe, she's okay." He placed a palm on your cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth in a soothing motion.

You nodded, "you're right." Making eye contact with him, you were quickly lost in his gaze. While it almost made you want to look away, you couldn't.

"You know," you started, wanting to divert away from the current topic. He hummed, urging you to go on.

"I don't really care for an extravagant date, all I really need is you. I'm happy with this, with us." He smiled, to the point where you could notice the creases forming at the corners.

"I'm happy with us too, but I will be taking you out on an extravagant date because you deserve it, as well as much more."

You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing that it would be hard to convince Max otherwise, but you could think of a few ways to try when the time comes.

"Thank you for being here with me," you added, needing him to know about your appreciation. Your words also hinted at all the moments he shared with you, and Isabella.

He seemed to understand your hint, "I'm glad to be here with you, both of you."

Taglist: (continuing the taglist in comments) @xjval @mrsmaybank13 @cherry-piee @urfavnoirette @solphin @burningcupcakefire @nessacarty1 @dreamsarebig @omgsuperstarg @fanficweasley @redbullgirly @llando4norris @wonnou @randomgirlnumber13 @dark-night-sky-99 @chanshintien @leilanixx @gisellesprettylies @peachiicherries @monsieurbacteria6 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @arian-directioner @distancedss @morenofilm @sachaa-ff @lighttsoutlewis @teamnovalak @casperlikej @sadg3 @d3kstar @lewisvinga @lpab @queenofmanydreams @glitterf1 @honethatty12 @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @its-avalon-08 @yourbane @oconswrld @noneofyourfbusinessworld @ssrcsm @softtina @hockeyboysarehot @formulaal @namgification @tallrock35 @bloodyymaryyy @formulanni @ellouisa17 @phantomxoxo

#little big fan fic #max verstappen fluff #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #thef1diary fic #f1 fluff #fluff

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maiiiwrites · 9 months

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★ | ATTENTION STUDENTS . JPEG

PAIRING ! theodore nott x f!reader

IN WHICH your arrival at hogwarts is stirring up trouble

you roamed the halls of hogwarts. feeling overwhelmed in a good way. no words are enough to explain how happy you are to finally be here. the transfer process took so long and stressed everyone who handled it. thankfully your parents assigned someone to do the papers for you.

your arrival at hogwarts mid term grabbed everyone's attention. everyone had questions and wasn't exactly quiet about their theories. they wanted to know who, what, where, why you we're here.

"a new student? in the middle of the term?"

"how odd is that?"

"look there she is, the new student"

you continued walking, not bothering to acknowledge the students trying to get your attention. you were only looking forward to one person. in that exact moment, your eyes finally met for the first time in months. you couldn't mask your excitement from that interaction alone.

theodore didn't expect a new student, much less his lovely girlfriend. his gaze softened and a small smile managed to slip through.

two souls finally feeling each others presence after being apart for too long

that's how it went for the next few days. just simple little glances and the occasional exchange of letters. much to theodore's dismay, his subtle actions of affection did not go unnoticed by the group.

blaise was particularly nosey about his relationship with you. he was always the one who caught onto the small smiles across the hall, playing on the thread bracelet on his wrist, and the hidden love letters in his desk drawer.

"sooo.. theodore what's up with you and the new gal," blaise not so subtly asked during breakfast.

theodore perked at the mention of you, "nothing."

"oh come on there's obviously something! at least give me a hint," blaise continued.

"sure. here's a hint, im not telling you."

theodore knew there was no escaping this. they're bound to find out sooner or later. for now, the plan was to stay silent and leave loose ends. leave them curious for a while, but his fool proof plan came crashing down the moment you walked in the great hall.

you smiled at your friends seated at the table. looking forward to having your stomach filled. however, boys surrounded you with gifts and letters before you could even settle down.

you attempted to slip away but they were simply too much. feeling more crowded by the passing second. theodore didn't like how crowded you seemed. the obvious panic on your features was his last straw.

he abruptly stood up from his seat and walked towards you. leaving his friends intrigued by the sudden outburst.

theodore easily made his way to you and wrapped his arms around your middle. the action catching you by surprise until realizing its just theo. your theo.

"everyone back off! you're making my girl feel uncomfortable,"

the whole hall went silent at the confession. the crowd of boys slowly disappeared heartbroken and taken aback from theodore's claim. leaving his act of affection on display for everyone to see.

you turn around facing theodore. finally seeing him up close since your arrival.

"is it just me or you got prettier since the last time i saw you?" you teased.

theodore rolled his eyes and kissed the corner of your lips. "you've been causing a lot of trouble lately," theodore hummed.

you gasp, faking offense by his words. "are you accusing your sweet girlfriend?"

he laughed at your silly antics and hugged you tighter. "never, trouble."

you smiled hearing your special nickname.

"i love you and all but your friends are burning holes through my head," you point, particularly at blaise. theodore finally realized you're both (still) in the middle of the great hall wrapped in each others arms.

he chuckled finding the entire situation funny. theodore finally let you go and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "i better go back, trouble."

"does this mean we can visit each other now.." you beamed.

who has he to deny your love and attention. "always."

#www.iloveharrypotter.com #. * ᕀ my blurbs ° .#harry potter #harry potter x reader #hogwarts #hogwarts imagine #theodore nott #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott fanfic #theodore nott fanfiction #theodore nott fluff

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grizzersmamma · 3 months

Note

Can we get more of the Nikto baby?

Always!

This time we're including Love and Camilla (and a mention of Ghost) owned by the lovely @ghouljams as always! We've also picked out a name for our little Nikto baby, so from now on (unless y'all want something else) is Зинаида - Zinaida - a Russian girl's name meaning "the Life of Zeus" or "God-like". We might get Nikto and Reader naming their bab if that's something people want to see.

The next request being worked on is a new part for the Daemon AU, so stay tuned for that, it'll hopefully be out sometime this weekend so long as everything goes to plan.

It’s always interesting whenever you and Love get together to let your two little ones play. It’s a relief to have another human tackling the trials of raising a little monster with very no idea what to expect. However, it can be... troublesome at times to arrange your catch-up sessions.

Whenever you meet with Love, her partner Ghost always accompanies her, not comfortable with her meeting you alone given your partner, and hell would freeze over before Nikto let you anywhere near Ghost without his presence. He would prefer it if you didn’t see him at all, but you’d managed to convince him that you do, in fact, need friends. Especially friends who were going through a similar situation to yourself.

That’s why it’s more than a little tense as you and Love sit out in the backyard, hot drinks in hand while you watch your two babies play together on the soft grass at your feet. Carmilla and Zinaida both seem entirely oblivious to it, babbling at one another in their strange baby language, but for you, it’s difficult to focus with how intensely Nikto and Ghost are staring at one another.

They’re like a pair of angry tomcats, bristling and glaring at one another. If one of them makes a wrong move it would immediately escalate into a fight, and you really don’t want to have to deal with two agitated, over-protective beasts tearing themselves and the surrounding woodland to pieces.

Today, you’ve invited Love and Carmilla (and by extension Ghost) to your house since the babies seem to love playing in the dirt and grass. Unfortunately, this just makes Nikto all the more vexed. He’s possessive and territorial, and having one of his biggest enemies sitting just outside his den? Meters away from his own mate and offspring? You’re surprised he hasn’t snapped and chased them all off yet.

You do your best to ignore the looming threat of death and destruction, and instead focus on your infant as she lays on the grass. She’s very recently learned how to push herself up onto her elbows when laying on her belly and is fascinated by everything she can see around her. Carmilla, however, is a little older and more mobile, able to sit up on her own and will occasionally attempt to crawl to her mum or dad.

They seem to get along well enough though, despite their slight difference in age. Both of them happy to babble at one another while you chat with Love, plucking blades of grass in their chubby little fists and waving them around.

Carmilla pulls up a small bloom that seems to have appeared out of nowhere and proceeds to happily munch down on it. Given Love’s non-reaction it must be a common occurrence. After nibbling on the petals for a while, she holds it out to Zinaida with a coo, and you’re only just fast enough to prevent your excited baby from trying to comp at the plant. She’s not quite ready for solid foods yet, despite her valiant attempts to eat it.

Inevitably, being stopped from eating something you know she won’t like, your little girl’s face scrunches up and her bottom lip wobbles dangerously. Crocodile tears rush to fill the corners of her eyes as she looks up at you with her daddy’s icy blues, heartbroken by your cruel actions.

She’s been crying and wailing constantly these past few weeks, teething providing a great deal of pain for the poor girl. The only thing that can soothe her seems to be snuggling up with her daddy, pressing her face into his chest and whining sadly. Not that you can blame her, the man has some nice pecs on him under all those long clothes.

It leaves you feeling more than a little inadequate. With you, Zinaida will scream her lungs out, completely inconsolable. She sobs and flails and clutches as your shirt, distraught with the pain her gums are putting her through. It’s only when she catches sight of her dad that she calms a little, reaching for him with grabby hands.

Nikto only needs to start humming for her to settle. You think they have some kind of magic connection to one another, because your partner seems to know exactly what she needs before she even needs to cry. Meanwhile, you can’t tell if she’s hungry or tired or just needs changing.

At least she still seems to like you, even if you’re not psychic like her dad.

Well, except for when you stop her from taking a bite out of a half-eaten flower, apparently. Clearly, you’re a horrible person and you hate her if you’re not going to let her consume every random plant she happens to come across. Even picking her up and smooching her squishy cheeks doesn’t absolve you of your terrible sins.

“Sorry, someone’s been a little grumpy since her teething started,” you laugh to your friend, gently bouncing the baby in your lap, even as she whines sadly.

Love just coos at her, “poor girl!” She says in a high-pitched voice, momentarily distracting the baby from her distress. It calms her enough to accept the teething ring you’ve offered her, immediately shoving it in her mouth, before she starts making a little contented sound toward Love, as if telling her all about the suffering you’re forcing her to endure.

“It’s that bad?” Love asks, grinning when Zinaida grunts back, shoving the teething ring further into her mouth. You cringe slightly when drool dribbles down her chin and onto her shirt, but Love doesn’t seem bothered by the slobbery display. “Oh! And I got you something!” She says suddenly, reaching down to grab her bag, rummaging around in it for a few moments, before pulling out what looks like a much larger version of the infant’s current teething ring.

“It’s a puppy teething ring!” She chirps, holding it out to Zinaida.

Your first reaction is to be insulted that your friend is offering your baby a dog toy, but after thinking about it for a moment, yeah, it makes sense. For a human infant, a normal ring works fine, but for a grumpy, overtired monster? She needs something more substantial to curb her furniture chewing habit. Gnawing on Nikto’s scaley arms is one thing, but your antique wooden table? Not so good.

You watch Zinaida accept the toy, huge in her tiny hands. Her current ring falls from her mouth and she immediately goes to bite the rubber toy. After a good first attempt, she decides that her human gums aren’t doing the toy justice and in the blink of an eye your chubby infant has turned into a wriggly lizard. You quickly shift your grip on the baby to make sure you don’t drop her, keeping her secure while all three of her heads descend on the chew toy.

Carmilla looks utterly fascinated by the other creature, staring at her with massive, round eyes. She has that curious glint in her eyes that most predators possess, reflected back in Zinaida’s own. Perhaps one day the two will enjoy hunting together.

“Looks like it’s a hit,” you acknowledge as your girl begins to gnaw at the toy with the teeth starting to poke through at the back of her jaw. Her eyes are slipped closed in absolute bliss, a happy purr rumbling through her chest.

While you’re distracted, Carmilla offers another flower to one of Zinaida’s heads, giggling joyfully when the hydra snaps up the offered plant. The face of the lizard in question screws up in disgust, sputtering and spitting out the foul petals.

She proceeds to scream until her daddy comes to save his “маленький дракон” from her cruel mother who allowed her to eat something so nasty.

#writing #call of duty modern warfare #nikto call of duty #nikto x reader #tf 1fae1

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dumbasswhatever · 1 year

Text

Imagining an episode of mlp where twilight hears the word "transgender" and asks what it means and rarity gives her a rather formal fanciful explanation and twilight acts like she understands it but she's actually confused as hell. And so she runs off and begins researching it on her own while the rest of the mane six carries on with their gender shenanigans. Pinkie asks rarity if being transgender is similar to having a food allergy, and rarity is baffled and says no, and pinkie says that's very good bc her friend has a sprinkle allergy and pinkie just can't IMAGINE not being able to eat sprinkles!!! And pinkies trans so she wanted to know if she had to avoid sprinkles or not. Rainbows like "whoa hold on, you're transgender?" and pinkies like "sure am! Sure as rain! Sure as snow, and hail, and sleet, and sure as my pinkie sense! That's how I learned" and rainbows still just a bit confused but rarity sends her a glare so that she shuts up and doesn't say anything insensitive, then tells pinkie herself that she is very happy pinkie told them and they will do anything they can to make her comfortable. Fluttershy quietly tells them that she's trans, too, and pinkie gets sooooo excited that fluttershy came out to them and decides to throw a party to celebrate it. So then the A plot of the episode is pinkie and fluttershy planning the party together, with pinkie occasionally offering to invite more people than fluttershy is comfortable with and fluttershy learning to speak up for her boundaries.

And then the B plot is rainbow dash asking rarity about how gender works. "Wait, so there's no such thing as a girl? Is that what you're saying?" "No, rainbow. What I'm saying is that there is no meaningful way to distinguish a girl from a non-girl. In fact, someone can be both a girl and not a girl at once, or their gender can change over time. I myself used to identify as bigender once, as it was all the rage in canterlot after princess Luna came out, but I have since grown to realize that the label 'lesbian' fits my gender better." " Uh, you're gonna need to run all that by me one more time"

Rarity and rainbows whole talk takes place while rarity is trying to choose the perfect outfit for the party and rainbow is just following her around with questions

Then it's time for the party, and rainbow asks fluttershy "so um... You're transgender. So that means you're a boy now?" and twilight, who has only just now run out of the library after doing research, is like "oh nononono if fluttershy is a trans boy then that means she. He. They were a boy all along! Well unless their gender fluctuated, which can happen" and pinkie, who has seen fluttershy already become upset a few times that day, gasps and covers fluttershys ears, and rarity and twilight and rainbow dash begin arguing about gender. Until applejack comes in with the apple cider she brought for the party and sees everyone a bit upset and tells everyone to QUIET DOWN. She then walks around and asks fluttershy "fluttershy, how do you want us to talk about you? As a mare, right?" and fluttershy nods, so applejack asks the same thing of pinkie, who says "wellllllllllll it's a bit funner than that actually, you can call me a colt too! Double trouble" and applejacks like "well, there you go" and rainbow tries to ask a few more questions but applejacks like what's the problem it's easy enough to understand. I got it when big mac came out and I was just a filly. And twilight, finally a bit less anxious bc she thinks she understands a bit more, says that you don't need to understand everything about your friends so long as you can respect it. Applejack nods and says exactly "oh, an' while we're here, I should tell yall that I like to be called a 'he' and a 'they'", and everyone's like oh alright applejack, and rarity brings up that her gender is a lesbian, and pinkie is like "WOW this gender party just keeps getting bigger! Now we can all celebrate together" and fluttershy admits that she didn't really want a party thrown just for her, but if it's for everyone, then that sounds a lot more fun. And they all party together the end

#Sorry I spent twenty five minutes typing out gender mlp episode. Want to share

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storiesbyjes2g · 3 months

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3.78 Winterfest Lovin'

We left the restaurant and went back to Mama's house to collect our crew and solidify the wedding plans. As Sophia was the de facto project leader, she told Mama everything we discussed. In the end, Mama convinced us we should have a destination wedding in Tartosa. She described it as the wedding capital of the world. With so many wedding venues available, finding a last-minute location wouldn't be a challenge. Speaking of notice, it was all going down in three days! That was really close to NYE, and I hoped our friends could make it. But if not, at least my family would be there. How did Sophia feel about being the bride without a family to celebrate her? She didn't have any siblings and was adopted. And judging from the lack of stories about her life, I got the feeling she wasn't on good terms with her parents. Like, she literally never mentioned them. Ever. They could have died, but I had a strong suspicion they were very much alive. One day I'd get the courage to ask, but that is not this day.

She woke me up very early, grinning and giggling like a child wanting to open presents before dawn.

"Merry Winterfest, baby!"

I was very much asleep at the time.

"Wh-huh? What's going on?"

We were never those kids. We woke up at our normal time, ate breakfast, and did presents later in the day, so I was genuinely confused about her urgency. Sophia laughed at my ignorance.

"I have a gift just for us! We should open them now."

I wanted to decline and get back to my dream, but she was so excited. Though the room was dim, I could see the glee all over her face and got up reluctantly. She placed a gift bag in my lap and dug into her own. We pulled out...I didn't even know, but they were big, colorful, and fuzzy.

"Let's put them on!"

Being completely lost, I unraveled the fuzzy blanket thing and found out it was a onesie. My style was chill and comfortable, but not that comfortable. The giant baby look was not for me, but she spent her hard earned money on this thing. Even if I never wore it again, I had to at least try it on for her. I only had on underwear, so I slipped the thing on. The color was one I wore occasionally, so that was nice. I had no clue who I was supposed to be, but hers was a Freezer Bunny.

"Who even am I?" I asked.

"I don't know. Some void critter."

She got me looking like an oversized toddler and didn't even know what character I was? Maybe she was more excited about us having matching outfits. It was very comfortable, though. I gave her that.

"Do you like it??"

"It's cozy."

"It's our first Winterfest, Luca!"

I could hardly believe it. It seemed like winter had only just begun a few days ago and now we were about to close out the year. Where did the time go?

"Merry Winterfest, Sophia," I said in a cheerier tone.

She leaned over and gifted me those sweet lips, and the rest of me started waking up.

"I have another gift I'd like to unwrap," I said, pretending to reach for her zipper.

She slapped my hand.

"You open that and we're gonna be late. Father Winter will be handing out the good gifts by the time we get there!"

I failed to see the issue.

"I mean..."

"Luca! We have to be at your mother's house by noon!"

"Okay! Okay!"

"I can't believe my dad agreed to come," I said.

"Why?"

"Dwayne is gonna be there. I know they're in a better place, but...that's really huge."

"Ohhhh. But your sister is home, right? He probably just wants to see her."

"Probably."

She was really cute in her fuzzy pink getup. That zipper teased me. Everything I wanted was inside, and I had to get her out of that suit.

"Can I just unwrap you a little bit? We can be quick!"

She gave me a hard side eye.

"When have we ever been quick?"

"There's a first time for everything," I said, waggling my eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes.

"You better be glad it's still early!"

"Awww yibbs! Merry Winterfest to us!"

[baby spice ↓]

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar #sim spice

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drewsbabee · 2 years

Text

I love you might not be enough. (2)

A/N Hello! Hope you all enjoyed the first part! Don't know how this is going to go but I really wanted to do a few parts for this! Enjoy!

angst (with a smidge of fluff if u squint real hard LOL)

Drew’s pov

"Why did that feel like a goodbye? that wasn't a goodbye right?" I hear Chase whisper to Rudy

I could feel Rudy's frustration at the situation. Hell, I wanted to grab a glass from the table and smash it towards the wall

"Drew where are you going?" I hear Elaine ask me

I hadn't even realized I stood up.

Rudy looked at me concerned as I shook my head scoffing at the girls.

"I'm going home."

"to her? drew just stay out with us for a bit we never see you anymore" I hear Madison bite out “It’s like she takes all of your time,”

Not being able to hold it back any longer I burst.

"I love her. I love her more than I can ever describe and to have the people I call family absolutely degrade her and make her feel any less welcome makes my heart hurt for the woman I absolutely adore... All she wanted was to get to know you all and you wouldn't let her!"

"Drew..." I hear Mads start

"I really don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that she isn't good enough or that she doesn't fit in. You don't think she hears that enough on a daily from the media? You don't think she constantly questions if she is enough for me? FOR ME? god... she's more than fucking enough."

it was silent for a few moments before I speak again

"she didn't want me to choose... my sweet girl selfish enough to want me but not selfish enough to keep me" I laugh lightly "she will always put others before her... it's one of the things that made me fall in love with her"

I take a deep breath and rub my temples in frustration.

“I love you guys but I fucking love her... so yea I wanna go home to her, but I- I guess I can't. because in one night I lost the one person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. the one person who showed me how it felt to be loved so fucking hard it physically hurts... all it took was one fucking night." I say scoffing with tears pooling in my eyes

Rudy and Chase come up to me.

"we're gonna take him home," Rudy states placing an arm on my shoulder

not wanting to hear another word, I shrug his hand off lightly and walk out for a cig.

Shortly after I feel the boys stand next to me.

"you know I haven't craved a cig since our first date, yea I’ve had an occasional smoke here and there but I never felt the need to smoke anytime I was with her," I say softly laughing under my breath and twirling the cig around my fingers

"Drew..." I hear Chase start

"I planned a future with her" I laugh bitterly "I wanted her to meet all of you first. I wanted forever with that girl. And the only reason why I hadn't introduced you guys earlier was that I wanted to be selfish. I wanted something that was my business and not everyone else's. I just wanted to keep her to myself for just a while longer"

Laughing at the non-humorous situation, I turn to the boys "thank you, for making her feel welcomed…I know she appreciated it"

"I can go check up on her," I hear rudy say laying a hand on my shoulder "She's the only person who's managed to become my best friend in a night" he jokes

I look up at him gratefully

"can you-" I say before swallowing the lump in my throat "can you tell her I love her..."

Rudy nods before pulling me into a hug "don't let anyone take your happiness Drew. Not this time"

#drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey x reader #obx #rafe cameron #drew starkey angst #obx angst #obx x reader #obx imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rudy pankow #chase stokes #drew starkey fanfiction

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bippiti · 2 years

Text

SHE SELLS SANCTUARY! E.M

wc 1.6k navi

heads up! soft smut, mild violence, s4 spoilers, insecure eddie, not proofread, 16+ pls<3

pairing softdom metalhead! yn x sub! eddie

synopsis after finding eddie in reefer ricks boat shack, you take him back home to help him destress

A couple of years ago, you used to babysit Dustin Henderson when his parents had to go out of town for work. even though you don't talk much anymore, he still will occasionally come to you when the world needs saving or he wants a second opinion on his hair.

That's probably why he ended up on your doorstep with Robin, Steve, and Max, asking you if you knew where your boyfriend was.

After knowing each other for two years, you and Eddie started dating during the first semester of senior year. As one of the few metalheads in school, you both naturally gravitated to each other. Even though you didn't play DnD, you'd help him plan his campaigns in his trailer; your notes splattered on the table as you both took turns taking hits. He asked you out on one of those days, and you guys have been going steady since.

You were just about to go out looking for him yourself after hearing about what Jason and his posse would do to him when they found him. Those guys were all crazy. Like honestly, playing a game makes you a cult leader? As if. After sorting all the details out with them, you guys set out to check Reefer Ricks's house. You went in your car cause you knew if you did find him, you'd want to stay with him. Once you got there, Steve and Dustin were bickering about something per usual. You were poking around looking for any signs of him, it looked like someone had been here, but it was hard to tell if they had gone or not. You guys checked the boathouse next to the house a little bit after. Everyone continued talking, and you were zoning in n out.

"Personally, I don't find it funny in the slight- Whoa! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!" You whipped your head around, seeing Eddie pressing a broken bottle onto Steves's neck. His eyes were wide, body tense, and his hands were hands shaking. you could feel the fear radiating off of him from feet away.

You put your hands up and took a few steps closer to him" Whoa, whoa, whoa, Eddie! Eddie! Stop! Eddie! Eddie! It's me. It's y/n, and this is Steve. He's not gonna to hurt you, right, Steve? "

"Right. Yeah." He added quickly, nodding his head to solidify his statement.

"Steve, why don't you drop the oar?" You suggested, and as if on cue, the oar dropped onto the floor, echoing around the tense silence.

"What are you doing here?" Eddie asked, stepping away as the bottle was discarded to who knows where

"We're looking for you."

"We're here to help. Eddie, these are my friends. You know Robin, from band." Dustin said, bringing his hands up to his face and imitating the instrument she plays, "This is my friend Max. The one who never wants to play D & D. Eddie, we're on your side. I swear on my mother."

"We just want to talk. Okay? We want to know what happened" you crouched down, getting next to him on the floor.

He sniffed, "You won't believe me."

"Try us."

After he explained everything to you all, and you guys reassured him that he was, in fact, not crazy, you came up with a plan. You were going to stay here with him, and the rest of them would go and look for more information. Once you saw them back out and leave through the window, you walked back to Eddie, who remained crouched on the floor, staring blankly off into space.

"Hey, you alright?" You asked, already knowing the answer. He shook his head, then moved closer to you, laying his head on your lap. You brushed through his hair; it was tangled and needed washing; his face also seemed paler then the last time you saw him, chalking it up to how hectic things had been and the high chance that he hadn't had much if anything to eat. After a few moments passed, you scratched his scalp gently. "Do you think you could get up for me? We can go to my place; my parents are out of town" He opened his eyes and nodded, getting off of you n standing up.

you followed suit and walked out to your car, the gravel crunching under your boots. Once you got in, you turned on the radio, and She Sells Sanctuary played softly on the car ride to your house. Eddie was staring out the window, his usual boisterous demeanor nowhere to be seen.

The sparkle in your eyes Keeps me alive And the sparkle in your eyes It keeps me busy, keeps me alive The world And the world turns around

You pulled up to your driveway, got out of your seat, and opened the door to your house. Once you were inside, you went upstairs to your bedroom. Eddie still seemed out of it, so you offered to run him a bath, and he accepted. Once the water was warm, you called him in, making your way out once he started to lift his shirt. He grabbed your wrist, and you turned back, confused.

"can you stay with me, please?" he was looking at the floor, and his voice was soft; how could you say no?

"of course," you turned back around and sat on the floor next to the tub.

"can you come in here instead?" He asked, signaling to the tub he was currently in

"sure," you said through a smile, getting rid of your clothes and stepping into the bubbly tub. You watched him as a comfortable silence fell over you both; you noticed his hair was still a little dirty, so you asked, "do you want me to wash your hair? that way, you can just relax" he looked at you for a couple of seconds, making you think you might've overstepped. Still, he turned around, the back of his head facing you.

You grabbed your shampoo and pushed the lavender-scented mixture out, and slowly massaged it into his scalp; he sighed and visibly relaxed while you started detangling his hair. "You know your hair is really pretty," you said gently, rubbing circles into his scalp. He hummed in acknowledgment. You began washing out the soapy mixture from his hair and wrapped your arms around him, bringing his back closer to your chest.

"thank you, y/n," he said quietly

"for what?"

"Just being there and doing all this stuff for me, I don't even know what I did to deserve you. I'm literally a freak-" he began to ramble but you cut him off

"you aren't a freak, Eddie, and I'm going to be there for you and do this stuff for you whenever I can because you deserve it, and I love you, ok?" You said, turning him around, your eyes making contact w his teary ones. You brought a hand up to his face, wiping off the tears that began to fall onto his cheeks. You got closer until you were only inches apart; your eyes moved away from his cheek, back to his eyes, and then to his lips. You kissed him softly and then proceeded to peck him all over, effectively kissing away his tears. He laughed and kissed you again. Once you broke apart, you began to kiss down his neck, sucking just enough to leave some light marks. He moaned softly, an indicator for you to keep going.

You pulled away, and he moved to your neck, but you stopped him. "not right now, love, this is about you, ok?" He nodded slowly, leaning back, you looked into his eyes for any signs of doubt. After finding none, you continued, getting onto his lap and grinding onto his hardening dick.

You sped up when you heard his breath hitch, and he grabbed your hips. "Not like this; I wanna be inside you when I cum” he mumbled, rubbing circles on your waist.

you peppered him in kisses again, "alright then, ready?" You asked him as you aligned yourself with him. Once he nodded his head, you began to descend, wincing at the pain; after a few moments, it blurred into pleasure, and you began to rise and fall gently, kissing his neck where you knew he liked it and let your hands roam over his chest, feathering over his tattoos. His moans, still soft, began to become louder, and you felt him twitch around you; you felt the familiar knot forming inside you as you increased your pace.

he whimpered, bringing his head into the crook of your neck "m close, so close, can I cum, please?"

"yes, you can, now be a good boy and finish for me, alright?" That was all he needed; his dick spasmed inside you, pushing you towards your climax.

After riding through your highs, you got off him and stood up. leaving and returning with towels, you wrapped yourself up and gave him one. Once he got out, you stopped him and put some leave-in conditioner into his hair.

"You know that'll help keep your curls defined; you should get some," he hummed, staring at you and only half paying attention to what you said. After rummaging through your closet and finding some of his old clothes, you threw them to him and changed into your PJs.

After, you got into your bed and beckoned him over. Once you both were settled, him leaning on your chest and you running your hands up and down his back, you both drifted off to sleep.

tagging @sanitysfallisamazing

lmk what you think! comments and rb's r always appreciated<33

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the-conversation-pod · 9 months

Text

Summer 2023 Lagniappe

We made it to the end of the season, folks! Time for all of the extra discussions that just didn't fit into the structure of the season. Nini and Ben are both from the Caribbean and share the word "lagniappe" which means "a little extra" (kinda like a baker's dozen).

This time we've got quite a few things to discuss, and we also have our first guest! Ben's best friend David joins us for the Season Wrap-Up conversation.

We're going to answer some questions from @ctl-yuejie and @mynameisnotthepoint.

Nini caught up on My Only 12 Percent, Roommates of Poongduck 304, and She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

We unpack the eldritch horror that was The Shipper. We will not be discussing it ever again.

We discuss the execution of polyamory in Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend.

We then hang out with David and discuss genre history, favorite actors, flops-and-trends, and award our Girl, You Tried award for this season.

Finally, we look ahead to the fall!

Listen on Apple Podcasts!

Listen on Google Podcasts!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Welcome 1:15 - Intro 3:14 - Talk Nice to Us 3:36 - How Did We Get into QL, and How Has the Podcast Changed Us? 9:10 - How Does Criticism and Commentary Change Your Viewing Experience? 13:11 - Catch Up Corner 13:59 - My Only 12 Percent 22:52 - Roommates of Poongduck 304 26:14 - She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 30:09 - The Shipper 59:46 - Next Watches 1:02:33 - Me, My Husband, and My Husband’s Boyfriend 1:15:53 - Spring Roundup 1:16:40 - David Introduction and BL Background 1:18:50 - David’s History with Queer Cinema 1:20:59 - David’s Favorite BL Actors 1:23:24 - David’s Thoughts on the Spring Shows 1:26:15 - Somewhat Forgettable Shows 1:29:25 - Favorite Actor Pairs 1:36:49 - The Changing Nature of BLs 1:39:34 - Girl, You Tried 1:46:56 - Looking Ahead 1:57:44 - Outro

The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!

We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

0:00 - Welcome

Nini

Hello, hello! Your QL fandom aunty and uncle are here with giant sunglasses, brown liquor in a flask, a folded five-dollar bill to slip into your hand when no one is looking, lukewarm takes, occasional rides on the discourse, deep dives into artistry and the industry.

Ben

Lots of simping! I’m Ben.

Nini

I’m Nini.

Ben

And this is The Conversation. About once a season, we plan to swan in and shoot the shit on faves, flops, and trends that we’ve been noticing in the BL, GL, or QL Industry. Between seasons, you can find us typing way too many words on Tumblr.

1:15 - Intro

David

Hey, guys. My name is Dave. I'm your new favorite BL B-Asterisk-T-C-H and I'm here to introduce Nini and Ben—who don't really need any introduction, but I'm an extra bitch. So that's why I'm here. They're giving out awards. There's shadin’ shows. They're uplifting some shows, but mostly shade. So, welcome, tune in, have fun, and I'll see you guys in the episode. It's gonna be a lot of me, so be prepared, like, it's a lot.

Bye, guys!

Nini

We have our first guest on the show—not for the last time, because we had so much fun with David. David's going to be back.

Ben, what are we talking about? This is the lagniappe.

Ben

So, the lagniappe, as always, is going to be the bits that just didn't fit into the format of the other episodes thematically or in a way that we thought was necessarily interesting. So, we also figured out that Spotify has a question and answer tool and a commenting section, so please use it. We're having a lot of fun with it.

We're going to answer some questions from some friends of ours—one old, one new. We're going to talk about Nini catching up when She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat, Roommates of Poongduck 304, as well as My Only 12 Percent. Nini and I are going to stare into the abyss and scream about the eldritch horror that was The Shipper. We're gonna promise you all some things for the future. We're gonna talk about a very complicated show in Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend. And then finally, with David’s very specific presence here, we're going to unpack the entire spring season and generally qiqi for a bit.

Nini

It's delightful. Y'all are going to have a lot of fun see see you in the episode.

3:14 - Talk Nice to Us

Ben

On to the Talk Nice to Us section! Some of you lovely listeners—we still have not figured out what we wanna call you; please chime in and let us know—has sent us a couple of questions, one from an old friend of mine on Tumblr, and one from a new friend of the show.

Nini, please take us into the questions.

3:36 - How Did We Get into QL, and How Has the Podcast Changed Us?

Nini

Ok, so the first question is from @ctl-yuejie, and they write, “I am curious how and why you two started watching QL, what your first impressions were, and how they might have changed over time and after starting a podcast about it?”

So, Ben, how would you answer that question?

Ben

As a known homosexual and amateur cinenophile, [Nini laughs] I was bored and stressed with the Western Queer Cinema when I discovered BL. SOTUS comes out in…2016. I was desperate for a fresh infusion of queer cinema. There was a huge dearth of content happening in the 2010s.

I really like queer stories, and I really like queer people getting to have fun and have a good time, and one of the things that stood out about SOTUS that felt fresh at the time was how forthright Kongpob was. I also liked that it was giving a commentary on its own society at the time, and I was basically hooked on QL from that point on.

One, there was just a whole lot more of it—even with the small amount of content we had in 2016, 2017, 2018—there was more time spent with those shows than like all of the queer movies I watched in that year from the West.

That's why I'm here, and then I met Nini, and she was like, “I want to talk about the shows and I want to do a podcast.” And I was like, “Well let's not think about it. Let's just do it.”

Now we're here. What about you?

Nini

We talked about some of this stuff in our very first intro episode. I have been around fandom for a really long time. I have been familiar with the concept of BL. Sometime around the end of 2020 or beginning of 2021, some edit of I Told Sunset About You showed up on my YouTube, and I was desperate to find it. Back then it wasn't easily findable. And so, in trying to find it, I cycled through Life: Senjou no Bokura, Gaya Sa Pelikula, and Where Your Eyes Linger before I found I Told Sunset About You finally.

So I got here at the beginning of 2021, and I just started devouring what I could find. And then, yeah, met Ben on the Tumblrs, and I said to Ben, “Hey, Ben, you write nice about things. I want to do a podcast because I want to do deep dives into some of this stuff.” And Ben said “Bet” and here we are.

In terms of how my impressions of QL have changed over time and after starting this podcast, I am…familiar with the rhythms of some of this media now, and so things that probably would have irked me at the beginning don't irk me anymore or I enjoy them. I think I watch the shows differently now. When I'm watching I'm always thinking about, “Oh, I wonder what Ben's gonna say about this?” Which is fun! ‘Cause usually I am spot on.

How about you, Ben? How have your thoughts about BL, QL, GL, and fandom changed since starting the podcast?

Ben

One of the useful bits about the podcast versus say…blogging and essay writing is…the conversation itself forces me to think differently about the shows. Like I don't come into the podcast recordings with a bunch of, like, scripts written out for what I want to talk about. I sometimes give us questions to focus on that I think will get us into the meat of what that particular project was trying to dig into. But it's talking with each other and then it's the discussions with other people that really elevate the entire experience for me.

I think what I've enjoyed the most about the podcast is…I feel like the shows are not one and done anymore. I feel like I'm exiting the very sort of masculine style of fandom engagement—which is mostly watching, memorizing, cataloging—and I'm very much enjoying the transformative part…of fandom where we talk about the shows, unpack them. I find myself being significantly more engaged than I was previously, and it makes me a little more picky about what I watch.

Like, if I know I'm not going to talk about the show with you I'm far more likely to just dismiss the show.

Nini

It's true. There are some times where just like, “Ugh, God. I mean, if Ben's gonna watch this I guess I'm gonna have to watch it, too.” Doing the show has been really great from that regard in that I have watched things that I would have originally dismissed because of Ben— sometimes I don't love them. But most of the time when Ben says “you should watch this” I find it really worthy.

9:10 - How Does Criticism and Commentary Change Your Viewing Experience?

@mynameisnotthepoint writes, ”How is your balance with consuming a piece of media and consuming the meta around it? Have you had it happen that the meta around it—reading up on things—completely changed your mind on a series?”

Ben, has reading meta ever changed your mind about something that you watched?

Ben

The simple answer is yes; the complex answer is no.

None of us are immune to receiving new inputs from other people, and people read things differently from me. I do find value in other people's perspectives. I like understanding where people are writing from. But it's very rare that somebody saw something in a show that was so groundbreaking that I also didn't see it in the first place. The big beats of the story are rarely something that I missed while participating along the way. We're all pretty smart, and the shows are rarely trying to trick us. So, it's very rare that, like, somebody's like, “Aha! It was the butler in the kitchen with the candlestick!” and I'm like, “How did you predict that?”

Nini

How I prefer to engage with the meta doesn't lead a lot of the time to me changing my mind about a show, but it has happened that I have been…persuaded not out of my particular read but more into seeing another read as valid. In my head I can hold two ideas, so I can be like, “Well this thing, I read it this way. This person read it that way.” I think both of those things can be happening at the same time. I don't feel like my read is exclusive to every other read.

It's fun to talk to people about these things. I'm with Ben. A lot of the enjoyment in these shows other than watching some of the shows themselves—not all—is in talking to people about the shows and finding out what where their perspectives are coming from and seeing where our perspectives intersect, and where they might run parallel, and where they might conflict, but then how that conflict may not be a conflict at all. It's the twisty intellectual side of things that I really enjoy, and then also just the emotional side—having those conversations, getting to know people through their experience of media and my experience of media. I find that incredibly fun and rewarding. It's one of the reasons that I do the podcast with Ben.

For me, the answer is yes sometimes my mind is changed by meta, but more often than not my thinking is expanded—not changed—by taking in meta.

Ben

Expand is a good way to describe it. I do think most shows that are good benefit from really invested people with the ability to communicate their thoughts sharing them determinedly week in week out. I'm a big fan of meta, basically.

Keep writing! If you listen to us, keep writing!

We don't get to make friends with people if you guys are just lurking! Please write! Write on tumblr. Write on your blogs. Write to us. Whatever you do, just keep writing! We want to hear what you're thinking about the shows.

13:11 - Catch Up Corner

Nini

This is the Spring Catch Up Corner. We've got a doozy of one for you guys to round out the end of this but we're going to start with a few things that I caught up on in the spring mostly because Ben would not shut up about them.

Ben

[laughs] It's true though!

Nini

So in the spring I watched She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat (in Japanese: Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna), then Roommates of Poongduck 304, and My Only 12 Percent. Since Ben is breaking up with New this season I'm going to start with My Only 12 Percent.

13:59 - My Only 12 Percent

Ben

Okay I thought we were going to have fun first with, like, She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. It's like directly into My Only 12 Percent! “And another thing! Smack!”

Nini

We always go from worst to first, but we're ending this particular catchup with the worst because of what it is.

Ben

Man…[sighs]

Nini

I'm just gonna go with My Only 12 Percent. We don't I think need to do like the reminder to everybody about what My Only 12 Percent is because we've talked about it in the VIIB Awards. You all should go back and listen to that episode—I'm not exactly sure which episode it is but I will probably put it in the show description.

So. I looked at it I watched it…[Nini sighs, Ben laughs]…and—okay, I'm gonna be real real with you, okay?

Ben

Okay.

Nini

I cannot say that I liked My Only 12 Percent. But I also cannot say that I disliked My Only 12 Percent.

There were moments, there were moments to My Only 12 Percent that I did like, but, like, the first two-thirds of the show I just found incredibly frustrating. I am not really a Cooheart fan as an actor. Actually, let me take that back.

Ben

Yeah, that's right, you better correct yourself.

Nini

I think Cooheart is talented. I would like to see him work with somebody else, because he has only worked with New, and I think he and New bring out the worst in each other in the director-actor relationship. I think that occasionally they reach certain heights but I think that working together, they lean into some old techniques, they lean on things that they're accustomed to doing with each other and it doesn't work for me.

One of the things I would like to see Cooheart do is play older and New always has him play younger, and in this particularly he plays really young. And it's the effect of it is unsettling for me even when they age him up a little bit. I can’t slide away from the acting he was doing earlier in the show when he was playing like 15-16 and it's just it's hard for me to recalibrate once they age him up.

The things I do like about the show. I like how Cake and Eiw were just—they were just like that the whole time from like the day they were born, I guess. Like, the first day that they were ever put in a crib together they were just like that. I mean everybody else more or less knew what it was and how they felt about each other, but nobody forced them to figure it out or forced them to explain it or anything like that. They just let them figure it out for themselves. I liked the realization part of things. I did like that scene where Eiw is watching Love of Siam—which is something else that I have to put on my catch up list—and you see the moment when he understands something about himself. I, too, I'm a person who has light bulb moments watching media.

So, I am a fan of characters who work things out by having, like, a media moment. I like that the two of them were just always connected and they figured out for themselves how they felt. I liked the fight that they had in episode 12 when everything sort of comes to a head because Eiw knows how he feels. Cake knows how he feels, but neither of them is really talking to each other about it. They're just trying to fall back into their old patterns without laying on the table what the feelings are. And, of course, it becomes an issue and they have a fight about it because Cake is jealous. This is the kind of jealousy I like, where things are unsettled and one character is like I cannot hold in anymore how I feel. I am upset about this thing that you're doing, or this person that you're talking to, and the reason for that is because I feel this way about you. And the other character is like, “Well, fucking finally!”

So I did like their fight. I thought that Cooheart was very good in their fight. I liked Santa and his connection with him in the fight. I always like to see a good fight between the two main characters when something has been building up for a while. It was really good.

One of the other scenes that was really good was their first time scene. The way that it happened was very gentle. It was very matter of fact, almost. It wasn't like a big planned romantic thing. It just kind of happened because they were just there and vibing. I like that. But this show felt like New [Ben laughs] and not in the good way.

Ben

There It is.

Nini

It felt like classic New Siwaj! It felt like New Siwaj doing Make It Right. It felt like New Siwaj in the parts of Until We Meet Again that piss me off.

There's, like, a lot of minutiae. Stuff that's happening around the characters that's not really important to the narrative or the character building. It's just a bunch of stuff that's happening and he just insists on showing it in detail. There's way too many side characters. They drag out the main story, like it takes 12 episodes—12 of 14 episodes—for Cake and Eiw to get to the point where they can even have the conversation. And then there's, like, some weird blushing maiden shit which I never like.

And then the thing that New always does which is that the last minute brings out some left field bullshit out of nowhere, that has absolutely no relation to anything else, and just kind of stops sorry dead in his tracks. In this instance, it's Eiw’s mom is dying randomly all of a sudden because their dad used to smoke when he lived with them. Their dad hasn't lived with them for like—what over a decade? So their mom has third hand smoke cancer. It's just out of nowhere. I can't understand why it's there.

So basically I didn't dislike it but I didn't like the show either. If I had to give it a score I would probably give it…a 6. It's okay.

Ben

Harsh. [laughs]

Nini

It's New Siwaj on his New Siwaj bullshit. That's gonna be a 6 for me.

Ben

Well, I'm glad you at least humored me and watched it. I feel differently now that New has irritated me twice in the last couple of months, first with Double Savage and then with A Boss and a Babe. That being said, I hope that someday he earns the moments he really wants to hit, because what he's trying to do is actually really interesting. Two best friends who've been in love with each other in one way shape or form their entire lives, and it takes them over 20 years to find an alignment that works for them. I'm into that.

Nini

Listen, New gon’ New, and I don't have to put up with it anymore.

Ben

That's honestly one of the most unexpected takeaways of this whole season for us was realizing that I don't think I like New Siwaj anymore.

I'm not mad at him. I just feel a little bit sad, because he reminds me of a lot of guys who I knew when I was in college who mean really well. They just don't really know people or how to interact with them. That's how a lot of New’s stuff feels, particularly his whole thing with revealing context after someone has really fucked up something. Because that's how he gets things. Like he fucks up something, and likely somebody yelled at him and explained it to him, and he was like “oh damn,” and then he wrote it down in this journal, and then he turned it into one of his scenes in his shows.

Nini

I think we've talked enough about New Siwaj. We talked about New Siwaj literally the entire season. I am over him. Let's move on.

Ben

Very well.

22:52 - Roommates of Poongduck 304

Nini

The second thing that I watched—and this one I actually quite liked—I watched Roommates of Poongduck 304.

This was actually pretty good. It was a solid little workplace drama out of Korea. I quite liked the way that they balanced out the boss and employee relationship by having them flip it at home and be landlord and renter. I always like when these boss-subordinate relationships have some kind of other power dynamic going on next to it.

I really liked the characters. I thought they were fun. Watching Holland play like…[laughs]… a scamming-ass, down-dirty—like, he's supposed to be his friend but he's just stealing from him—let's just be real. It was delightful in certain ways but it was also heartbreaking because watching Jae Yoon get scammed and taken advantage of by not just Holland—who I can't remember the character's name even though I liked the show—but watching him get scammed by all his friends. It was just really hard. I kind of was like, “Aw, baby…You need to be more careful about who you let into your life.”

But, yeah, I enjoyed this. I really enjoyed this. I thought that the work stuff was really integrated well into the romantic story and vice versa. For essentially a rom-com setup, it was quite realistic and quite fun. Yeah! I had a good time with this.

Ben

I really liked this show a lot, and I feel like…this show is underrated. I agree with you. I think this is one of the rare K-BLs that understands how much time they have exactly and what they want to do with that time. I think they balance the relationships in a way that makes it fun, and it's not just one person getting picked on by the other the whole time.

And, like, the only thing that really I don't like in this show—is the same thing I usually don't like with the Korean stuff—is the way they handle alcohol in the shows that usually makes me uncomfortable. Seo Jae Yoon, I don't like the way he drinks. But, given the friends he has, I guess I'll let him have it.

Nini

Hoo! Listen, his friends are trash, throw the friends away, throw all the friends away. My God! The other friend who is basically like in an MLM and keeps making him buy shit...

Ben

Now that was gross.

Nini

What was the name that he had for him on his phone?

Ben

I don't know, but I remember being, like, really embarrassed about it. Like, it was basically like “fool” or…

Nini

Yeah, it was something like that. It was really mean. It was basically something that implied like he was just somebody that this guy was taking advantage of.

Ben

Like it basically felt like he called him “chump” and put him in his phone as that.

Nini

Yeah…and it was ugly but it was part of a character arc for Jae Yoon as well to understand that he deserved better than these friends who would use him like this, and I did like that. It's a solid little show, very enjoyable. I would recommend it to people. I liked it.

26:14 - She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat

So, today of all the days, the day we're recording, we got the news that there is going to be a second season of this: She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

Ben

I'm so fucking relieved. [Nini laughs] I really am! I will let you talk first but my goodness am I relieved that we're getting a season 2. [Ben laughs]

Nini

So, back in the VIIB Awards when we're talking about the GLs of the year, Ben laid this one out as one of the ones that he really enjoyed. He called it the lesbian What Did You Eat Yesterday? and being a great fan of What Did You Eat Yesterday? I was like, “Okay, bet. I will definitely watch this at some point.”

So I found myself with some time, and I cracked open the old computer machine, and I decided I'm gonna watch She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat, and—oh my god—how lovely. It's so lovely. I love the show! I love it so much! Watching this gentle…kind of slow gravitation between Nomoto and Kasuga. I smile the entire time. It was so lovely. ‘Lovely’ is the word that just comes to mind when I think about it.

And then Kasuga talking about how she has never felt accepted, or never felt understood…Nomoto starting to understand in herself how she's always felt separate from everybody. And then Nomoto watching Kasuga eat at every day basically, and those sessions them having dinner becoming more and more sexual…The look on Nomoto's face when she watches Kasuga eat becoming more and more mouth open kind of “this is hot” kind of thing.

And her not even realizing that that's what's happening to her: that she is becoming sexually attracted to Kasuga, and particularly to watching Kasuga eat.

Oh, God, love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. And then, as the show goes on, she starts to acknowledge and accept the fact that she's attracted to Kasuga—that she's sexually attracted to Kasuga. At the point in time that the story ends in season 1—now I can say that: in season 1—I remember thinking, “Oh my god! It's not finished! I need so much more of this—”

Ben

And that's why I'm so fucking relieved.

Nini

It ends when they're really starting to adjust their relationship from friends to a romantic relationship.

So, we are getting a second season of this of 20 episodes next year in 2024, and I personally cannot wait. I love that all the Japanese shit that I really glommed onto in the last few months are all getting sequels.

So, there was the Utsukushii Kare sequel first, then we found out earlier that we're getting a second season of What Did You Eat Yesterday? and now She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

I am very glad that I took your recommendation on two-thirds of this list. [laughs]

Ben

Shade. [laughs]

Nini

On all of it. There was stuff to hold on to in My Only 12 Percent. The totality of it just wasn't for me. So I'm glad that I watched all three of these, but of the three, my absolute favorite thing that you recommended that I watch is She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

30:09 - The Shipper

Nini

We've talked about the lovely fun things and now it's time to descend into hell.

Ben

Last time we left you all, Nini and I decided that we would watch The Shipper from 2020 and report back to you all, because we liked a lot of the folks involved and thought it would be really interesting to give a show that we knew had had some complicated responses when it first aired a genuine watch. Well, we've had the opportunity to watch it, and we just finished it, and we have a lot to say.

So, before we get into our immediate reactions, the simple breakdown of The Shipper is that it is a high school setting show in which two girls who’re writing sexy fic about two older boys at their school that they love and ship. This eventually leads to some kerfuffles in their school. Our protagonist, Pan, ends up riding with one of the boys home one night. They get into a car crash, killing both of them. In the afterlife, they meet the god of death—who is played by Jennie Panhan. They sass Jennie a bit, she mushes their faces, and sends them back to Earth, but accidentally switches their bodies, and then Pan has to live as Kim—the boy that she's been viewing as part of her ship for a long time clearly—for some time, where she realized she doesn't exactly know him that well, and then starts to reevaluate how she's always perceived him.

A lot of other things happen. There are some ideas that are half-baked in this, and it's very clear that the show was fighting a thematic war within the writers room itself. And quite frankly, it left me and Nini both dissatisfied and deeply disturbed to put it mildly.

Before I hand it over to Nini, I just want to say real quick, this is the first time in MDL history that I think I'll be giving a show a 1.

So, Nini, we just finished The Shipper. How are you feeling?

Nini

I'm going to let MDL user jarabaa speak for me, and I quote: “I found the series so intensely disagreeable that my feelings of shock and unease will probably stay with me a long time whenever I think of The Shipper.” End quote. I think that says it all.

Ben

‘Disagreeable’ is really such an accurate term.

Nini

This just reiterates to me that sometimes when we both have a gut feeling about something, we should trust that, because we both had a gut feeling that we would not like this show, which is why we never watched it. And now, having watched it, I think we were both correct.

Ben

I feel so validated in my decision in 2020. I took one look at that show and I said ‘hell to the no’ and I wish we hadn't been curious in going back.

Nini

They say, “Curiosity killed the cat?” Well, I feel like a dead kitty right now because…What? Was? That? [sighs]

Okay, I'm going to try—I'm going to try to actually formulate some sentences that are descriptive and helpful in order to lay out why I never want to think about this show again after we finish recording this.

Ben

Getting into some specifics about what may have happened along the way here: There were some interesting ideas presented early in the show that the people who ship people don't really know the people involved; that they have a false notion of them based upon surface details and the fictional things they've created about them. There's an interesting idea in this, particularly as it pertains to shipping real people who exist with each other as opposed to say fictional characters.

Early on the show really says something special with Pan realizing she didn't actually know who Kim was when she was forced to live as him, because she thought she knew who he was, and I made the joke when we were watching, like, the first episode, like, that, “You know, he's just a hole to her,” [Nini chuckles]...I didn't realize that that's what the theme of the show was going to be…

Like, spoilers for the end of The Shipper, only one of them survives Jennie mushing them in the face. First is apparently too weak. Prigkhing is so much stronger. And so Prigkhing gets to live as First’s character for a while. Eventually one of their bodies has to go and they make the decision for Pan to keep her body and for Kim (First’s character) to die.

How we get there is a huge mess and by the time it finished the show read extremely homophobic and lesbophobic to Nini and myself.

Nini

Oh, throw in transphobic.

Ben

And transphobic. I'll let you take on that portion.

For me, one of the things that was kind of interesting introduced along the way was that they were shipping two boys together because maybe they picked up on the homosocial tension between them, and what we learn along the way is that these boys actually did have a homoromantic relationship brewing between them. But it was nothing like anything that these girls had really imagined. I don't think I'd give much thought to the depths of the feelings between these two boys. And what we end up learning about the actual relationship between Kim and Way, the two boys that they’re shipping, played by First Kanaphan and Fluke Pusit respectively, ends up being fairly compelling, and I was deeply invested in what they might have done with those boys’ dynamic, particularly if we'd have gotten a see who Kim actually was.

But what ends up happening along the way that ends up frustrating me is critical moments that should have belonged to two gay boys…never get to happen for them…and what happens because the the narrative chooses to have the Kim character be dead the whole time, it makes all of Way’s expressed feelings for Kim, particularly after the accident, all feel super unrequited.

I'm not opposed to exploring queer grief, but I don't like the way it's done here. It feels cheap.

I'm gonna let Nini get into the specifics of this, because she said it multiple times when we were watching this: “this show wants to have its cake and eat it too.” It wants to give a stern lesson about how deeply out of touch shipping is, but also feeding shipping the whole time? And ends up…kind of damning itself along the way because we never actually really meet Kim…and he's dead at the end…and so all he is is what everyone else has projected onto him.

Nini

This show, for like maybe 6 or 7 episodes, tiptoes up to several points. It almost makes a series of points as Ben mentioned about shipping, about the experience of fandom, about who we think fans are and who they might actually be. It almost makes a point about how many queer women are in fandom and women discovering their queerness through fandom. It almost makes a point about about transgender people and the idea that the way that we present to the world maybe not being who we are inside. It tiptoes up to all of these points, and in the end touches none of them. The front half of this is intensely frustrating, and then the back half is just actively offensive. It just— I can't even— [laughs] Actively offensive!

The shift happens when we realize that there is this weird, ugly fake relationship—that is fake on one side but very real on the other—happening between Kim and one of the teachers. That's when this show really started going off the rails for me—the whole thing with Kim and the teacher is when I started feeling deeply uncomfortable. I started feeling gross. I didn't understand why this is the way that the show was going, what they were trying to say with this storyline. I still don't know at the end of the show what they're trying to say with that storyline other than I guess they're trying to tell you that the actual Kim was not a good person. But then why have him be essentially the victim of a predator?

Ben

It's really hard for us to give you guys the necessary context for some of these things. The simple overview is when Pan accidentally finds herself in Kim's body, she learns along the way that instead of being like the star academic student, he's actually an academic cheater, that he's involved in a secret relationship with one of the stern teachers, and he uses that relationship to get answers to the tests. This upsets Pan because her image of Kim as a star student and badass is ruined.

Eventually, she learns that the reason why Kim was manipulating this teacher and involved in this relationship with her to get these tests was because he was helping Way study so that Way could get out of an abusive situation in his house with his dad by succeeding at school properly, because Way gets into fights too much. We don't really return to the whole thing there because all we get is…a teacher with very…juvenile-centric kinks projecting them on to a star student. It just left both of us, when we watched it, feeling super weird about it.

And it doesn't really go anywhere. They're just like—at the end she's like moved on to an age-appropriate man now, I guess? Like, good for her? I guess Kim's death was the necessary catalyst for her to stop trying to hook up with one of her students.

Nini

It's so gross and it's the pivot after which most of what happens feels gross to me, and there are a hundred different things that they're trying to do—none of them lands. It feels like the show wants to have its cake and eat it, too, in a lot of ways.

I haven't even started to get into what they did with the character of Soda. Soda is Pan's best friend who she writes the fic with, who is her ride-or-die. The implication of the show is that Soda and Pan are kind of in love with each other, particularly that Soda is in love with Pan. But that again goes nowhere—in the end, they randomly put both Pan and Soda with boys?

Ben

A lot of things just don't make any damn sense in this show. It's frustrating because the show comes close constantly to a good point like it almost makes the point that shippers know nothing about the people that they're shipping…but then it never really gives us like an interior understanding of who Kim actually was. We only know him through what everybody else is getting out of knowing him. That's almost an interesting point but the big problem I feel with the show is that I feel like this show is the most intellectually disturbing and manipulative show that we've ever experienced. I don't think the show ever really lands on a real feeling it wants to go for and so you're kind of left floundering.

I really…don't…like this particular project, and it's really frustrating because there's a lot of people I really liked in it. Individual pieces of the show on their own could be some really cool moments. Like I think Fluke plays a kind of himbo-badass-type-jock character really well. Like he plays Way super well as a guy who is not the greatest at school, doesn't really have like a refined understanding of human connection; but knows who's important to him, and knows who he wants to be with, and knows not to mislead other people along the way.

And it's really frustrating to see a gay character like Way be constantly emotionally abused by this narrative. The frustration that arises from me as I watch this, particularly whereas it pertains to Way, is he already knows that he has feelings for Kim, and over the course of interacting with Pan, because Pan in some ways softens Kim because she's less standoffish than he is, Way decides to confess his feelings to Kim. And this pissed me off in episode 9 because I've been a gay boy confessing from the closet to someone before. It is the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me in my life, and I was so disgusted with this show because they gave one of the most intense things that you can do as a gay man with another boy to a fucking shipper who never really respected who they were as people.

I hate that with all of the fires that burn in my soul, and it never really gets better from there.

Nini

Let me give you an example of a direction that the show was going in that it then undercut.

So, one of the actual good story arcs in the show. At the beginning of the show, Way is in a relationship with View’s character Pingping. Pingping is the school's queen bee and she is out here like putting out this…general idea that she and Way are in this hot and heavy thing. Meanwhile, Way has never really touched her. They spend all their time together staring at their phones and occasionally talking to each other. You can see where there is some affection there between them but Way quickly—I guess for the narrative—realizes how he feels about Kim, and he's very open immediately about talking to Pingping about it and being like, “Look, I am in love with somebody else.” And the way that Pingping handles that is also very real. She doesn't want to hear it. She avoids it. There's a lot of interesting stuff there. All that's great.

And then, they undercut it by having Pingping, like, put a hit out on Kim. It's insane.

Ben

That is actually what happens. Like, the most frustrating thing to talk about with this show is that everything we're describing happened as we're describing it. The problem with The Shipper is while it's very easy to talk about the actions that transpired over the show and the expressed-by-the-character reason for why they're doing what they're doing, the thematic implications of everything they're doing is actually incredibly disturbing.

Like, one of the big things we talk about in fandom sometimes is that projecting homosexuality onto boys is the way a lot of girls figure out their own queerness with themselves, and the show walks right up to this line by highlighting the romantic potential between Pan and her friend Soda, who spend way too much of their free time and their class time writing sexy fic about two boys like a year or two older than them, and then throws that idea away as if it were preposterous.

That is…so offensive, and it's weird in a show that features young gay love in it about girls who are obsessed with young gay love to do something that felt Incredibly homophobic—in this case, specifically lesbophobic.

Nini

The show in general feels homophobic and lesbophobic because in the end, the only romantic relationship that actually gets to happen is the one between Pan and Khet, who is Kim's brother. So of everything else, basically Way falls in love with Kim and Kim dies, they tease Pan and Soda but it doesn't happen and they both end up with boys. It feels like it wanted to be clever and out-clevered itself, so to speak, to the point that it just got real stupid.

Ben

You look at The Shipper and you can see the points that it's hinting at but it's almost like it's afraid to make the point because they're worried that the audience that they're hoping funds this project doesn't turn on them by realizing that they're being maybe chided for how they behave, and it ends up becoming a show fundamentally about nothing, that ends on an insane level of queer trauma that it somehow writes off as useful because it helped a straight girl figure out that she should maybe fuck her best friend who's hung around her writing sexy fic about his brother, but she didn't know it was his brother for the last year or two? But also she's now projecting her intense shipping desires onto Gun and Off who randomly show up in the final six minutes?

…I deserved better than this.

Nini

Let's just talk about the absolute—I mean, it sounds so weird to say that this is the absolute wildest moment of the show. I mean, if we went through all the wild moments of the show it's probably not the absolute wildest, but it's the one that felt probably the wildest and most offensive in the end and that was The Kiss.

Ben

Fuck. Here we go.

Nini

At the end, Pan is now trying to get back into her body after a series of UNO reverses in the last two episodes that just were exhausting and upsetting. Now Pan is trying to get back into her body before it dies, and the way that she gets back into her body is supposed to be a true love kiss. Pan is still in First’s body at this point in time, and then they decide that the true love must be Kim's brother Khet.

It's two boys kissing but it's somehow still homophobic! [laughs] It's so—oh my God.

So, Pan's got to have a true love's kiss. So, Pan calls Soda while she's running to tell Khet that if he likes her he should come and kiss her in the form of his brother's body—which he does! I'm telling you, guys…what I'm saying is exactly what happened.

Ben

I just hate the show for having Ohm and First kiss, having it be one of the weakest kisses either of these boys has ever given, and then immediately cutting to a funeral afterwards. Because First’s character died.

Nini

Technically, First’s character died at the beginning of the show, and we only get to dealing with that at the end of the show. And in between, we just get a bunch of stuff…

I mean we haven't even got into the family drama, because aside from everything else that's happening, Kim and Khet live alone while their parents are in another country, and it seems like Kim and Khet kind of hate each other. And so there's a whole family drama happening with Pan in Kim's body where Khet is coming to peace of some kind with his relationship with his brother and then has to also deal with the fact that actually his brother is dead, and then has to shepherd his parents through that. So there's that.

And then we randomly find out somewhere in the middle of the show that Pan is actually growing up being raised by her stepfather because her mom died? And her stepfather is constantly being encouraged by the people around him to ditch her because he doesn't have any responsibility to her, but she thinks of him as her dad.

Again all, on paper, compelling stuff. But the way that it's dealt with in the show, it just, it all feels like a bridge too far.

Ben

The show wants you to think about a lot of really interesting ideas and such, but it doesn't want to come forward and say them itself. Like it's always tiptoeing up to something and then peeking in the room, and then walking away from it. It's one of the most frustrating experiences I've had as a viewer in a really long time. The show feels intellectually dishonest.

Nini

That's probably the best way to describe it. This show has roughly 800 convictions and the courage of none of them. It feels so dishonest intellectually. It feels…offensive. It feels…rude.

Ben

I was so angry at the end of episode 9 in a way I have not felt since the final episodes of HIStory3: Make Our Days Count. I don't like moments that should be joyous for queer people being snatched from them to make some sort of cute point in a narrative to seem somehow better than the audience? And it really really pissed me off.

In this particular instance, it's when Way confesses his feelings to Kim and Pan goes into what she knows is going to be a confession believing this is somehow for her—which is deluded. And then she gets upset during the confession that the confession to the boy whose body she's in is being given to the boy whose body she's in and not to her, the shipper, after earlier chiding the girl she should be developing a lesbian romance with for deciding to project that onto the boy whose body she's in because she misunderstands their dynamic as Kim actually flirting with her. And I was enraged by this show taking a gay moment from a gay boy, and then also running away from a lesbian moment and having the character just be completely out of touch about it—which I guess is maybe the point about shippers, but not the point the show really wants to land on.

And its final messaging in the last like ten-odd minutes is so deeply disturbing that I have not recovered. So, as we've described here today, Kim and Way are the boys that these girls were projecting all the shipping nonsense onto. We learned that these boys are actually involved in a fairly interesting and complicated gay love story that I actually think would have made for a really compelling story on its own—but I digress—and then…Kim is dead. And so we have to process that particular fact, and these girls believe that the best way they can honor the two boys who they never understood is to keep writing deluded fic about them! And I have not been this disgusted in a really long time.

Nini

And it's presented as valedictory somehow.

Ben

Right? Like they have Way cry, like, weird tears of thanks—I don't know what the hell happened here, and maybe because we can reflect on this now three—three to four years later—maybe this is why they put Aof in charge of all the queer shit after this because this…was a bridge way too fucking far.

Nini

At one point toward the end of our watch I remember just saying out loud “I fucking hate this” to Ben, and I think I kept that mantra up—varying versions of “I fucking hate this” and “I'm so pissed” for probably the last entire episode and a half of this show.

Before that we were making jokes about psychic damage and eldritch horror. More and more jokes as the show went on, because we were absolutely taking psychic damage watching the show. The show was an eldritch horror. I just did not realize how much of an eldritch fucking horror that it was.

Gah, listen. It's over. We've learned our lesson. We're never doing something like this again.

Ben

We have no promises to you all about other things we want to catch up on right now, because goddamn do we need a break. If we skipped it, we were correct! And we will not be second guessing ourselves ever again!

Nini

I think that's going to be the rule: if there is something that we both skipped it was for a reason and we should never watch it. Like it's one thing for us to, like, individually like something and recommend it to each other, but I think if there's something that we both skipped, I think that's the new catch up rule. If we both skipped it, it's staying skipped.

Ben

So it is written, so it shall be.

I don't really have a lot of positive things to say. Like, I think the set design was cool, I think the production design was fine. I think overall the performances are strong. The GMMTV talent is consistently solid at the level we expect of them. I don't think anyone else at GMMTV—at the time at least—could have done what First was asked to do in this character, or characters, he's playing, technically, two.

Nini

This is purely a writing fail. There's nothing else that I can point to that is wrong here. This is a hundred percent writing fail.

Ben

So, The Shipper was bad and wrong and offensive and evil. We will not be taking further questions about this show. We have said all that I want to say about this show, and I will not be referring to it going forward. We all deserved better than this.

Nini

I know there are those of you out there who love it. I'm sorry. I'm not one of you, and I am not willing to discuss it at all.

Ben

I've said my piece and counted to three.

Nini

Amen, and hallelu. Moving on.

59:46 - Next Watches

Nini

So what are we going to catch up on in the summer and talk about in the fall?

Well…for me, I will finally be getting past my weird reaction to the uncanny valley effect that I get from watching the face smoothing filters on the show and I am going to watch Light On Me.

Ben

Good.

Nini

Ben has been recommending this to me. He recently rewatched it and says that it holds up. Everybody loves this show. I've always intended to watch it but I could not get past the skin smoothing filter. It makes everybody look like a weird robot. It's just unsettling. I am going to fight through my horror of it to actually watch the show.

[both laugh]

Ben

Jesus Christ.

Nini

And I'm gonna talk about it when we [laughs] when we come down to the fall, so look out for that discussion in October. Ben, what are you gonna watch over the summer?

Ben

[sighs] So, one of our recent pickups—who's been a delight—has watched so many things that I've recommended that I gave her a coupon, which she cashed in on Coffee Prince, which I am currently watching. And Nini has also convinced me to watch Mama Gogo.

I originally skipped Mama Gogo because I had watched Friendzone, and I had watched Friendzone 2: Dangerous Area, and I just wasn't in the mood for Jojo doing big cast, obnoxious, soap-opera-level drama, and so I just skipped Mama Gogo at the time. We're about to watch Only Friends in probably the next one to three months maybe. I will watch Mama Gogo in preparation for more of Jojo's oeuvre, and then I guess we'll talk about both of those.

Nini

I think you're gonna enjoy Mama Gogo. It's not gay, but it feels gay?

Ben

I have watched Jojo's work. I know what you're talking about.

[both laugh]

Nini

I think you're gonna have a good time with it.

So, that's what we're gonna be catching up on over the summer and talking about in our Catch Up Corner in October. So, look out for that.

1:02:33 - Me, My Husband, and My Husband’s Boyfriend

Nini

So in keeping with our mission to watch things that are queer-adjacent, queer-ish, as well as queer things, Ben and I both watched over this spring Watashi to Otto to Otto no Kareshi—Me, My Husband, and My Husband’s Boyfriend.

Ben, what is this about?

Ben

A mess! Me, My Husband, and My Husband’s Boyfriend is about a Japanese high school teacher who is sexually unfulfilled in her five-year marriage despite having an otherwise devoted and caring partner, who then discovers that her husband—on their anniversary— is making out with some guy right outside their door. In the process of trying to cope with this and deal with this, they end up attempting to form a poly triad with this guy, who her husband is seeing, who turns out to be her high school student who is an adult now. He also had feelings for her, and so they end up in this complicated situation where everyone's trying to take care of everyone. It's a little bit of a hot mess, and the show ends up asking for people to interrogate what their own relationships mean for them, though it ends on a somewhat ambiguous note for our trio.

There's a lot to unpack along the way there, but the broad strokes is a teacher finds out that her husband is cheating on her with a man, and she decides that they're going to try and make this trio work. Complications ensue.

Nini

‘Complications ensue’ is putting it mildly. I feel muddled about the show, but the show is also pretty muddled, I think. It feels like they were trying to do something. I'm not sure it got all the way there—

Ben

It did for me!

[both laugh]

Nini

Maybe it did for the audience that they were aiming it towards, which is obviously their local audience in Japan—

Ben

And sad, gay artsy boys like me!

Nini

I'm really curious as to how this was received inside of Japan. Japan's been doing these shows where they try to marry the individual instincts that are related to identity and specifically queer and queer-adjacent, I guess, identities. They're trying to marry that to the collectivist culture. So they're trying to put these shows in front of people like “This is maybe seem a little bit strange to you, but look at how happy everybody is. Isn't it most important that people are happy?”

And, this one, I think from what I got from it, It seems like it didn't know exactly what it wanted to say about polyamory. There's a polyamorous character, who is Shuhei, who is the…husband's boyfriend, who is also in love with the wife. But the other characters aren't poly but they're still trying to make a poly relationship work.

It's so much! They're trying to stuff so much into this show, and I'm not sure that it entirely works for me. Ben has other ideas.

Ben

They're not poly to start, but no one is really except for characters like Shuhei, and I think that's why I like it. The big thing about being queer is you have to decide what relationships are going to be for yourself. You have to figure out what friendship, romance, and intimacy are going to be for you one person at a time. The etiquette rules of cis-heteronormativity do not apply to you, and so what works for me in this is most of the people who walked into this story were not poly but they did care about the people involved.

Was being a poly triad the right solution for them? Absolutely not, but at the core you have two people trying to juggle a complicated sense of duty to each other, while also wanting different things from each other and maybe other people, and having to reconcile what all of those things are going to be for each other because they also wanted to honor the vows and choices they made to commit to each other under the previous structures before they got into this.

So, no, Yuki and Misaki are not poly really in going into this, but opening themselves up to the idea that the way they understand love might not be concrete enables them to find something that puts them maybe on the path to actually being comfortable and cared for, and properly caring to the people that they value.

Nini

I would rock with that except for one very important thing. Yes, they're still working it out at the end. The show does end ambiguously, but the overwhelming feeling I get at the end is not a feeling of hope, it's not a feeling that they are going to work it out—that they're working through it and they're going to get to the place, because I still don't feel like they are being honest with themselves entirely about what they want.

For example, Misaki, she wants sex and what she ends up with in the poly relationship, and even in sort of a wider polycule that she’s decided that she's putting together, none of it nets her the sex that she wants. But she has talked herself into it as being right for her, while it still doesn't give her what she wants.

And I think it's very similar to Yuki. Yuki wants to be in a gay relationship. He wants to be in a gay monogamous relationship, and the polycule doesn't give him that either. So it feels like they're not even working towards the things that they want. That they've decided on this as a solution, but it doesn't actually solve anything for them.

Ben

So the reason why it doesn't bother me at the end is I don't need the confirmation. They want you to think about it. It's not about whether or not this polycule works. It's a question of, “Have your thoughts about polyamory changed from spending five hours with these characters?” And so the ambiguity at the end is totally fine for me because you're allowed to project what you hope for onto them, and the question is whether or not you can reconcile what version of their lives looks like. It's the thinking about it that's important for them.

I totally see…your kind of hopeless read on the situation, but it doesn't bother me because they lean into ambiguity at the end. And so you're allowed to project onto it what you maybe want for yourself, or for those characters. Like, I do agree with you that Misaki wants sex, and they don't confirm her getting sex onscreen, but they confirm her taking charge of her life which to me is at the core of her lack of sex.

Nini

It's not even for me that they don't show her getting sex on screen. It's not like that. It's more about her mindset about it. Instead of that remaining part of her mindset: the fact that she wants sex. By the end she's completely put that thought aside it feels like.

Ben

I think it's implied that her desire for sex is also tied up in her notions of the kind of family they're supposed to have.

Nini

I'm not sure I agree with you there because it's one thing to feel like you should be having sex, and another thing to want sex, and I feel like Misaki wants sex. There is an argument to be made there about doing the things that you're expected to do and not doing the things that you're expected to do. Like, I fully see where the show is going with that with the character of the other teacher—I think it's Misumi—the fact that Misaki is not doing what Misumi thinks that she should do. So Misumi inserts herself into the situation and causes a problem.

She's trying to fix it because she thinks that Misaki is too weak or too something to do the things that she should be doing, when it's really that Misaki doesn't agree that that's necessarily what she should be doing. I get that part. I'm down with what they're trying to do there, but I didn't get the sense that she wanted to have sex because she thought it's something that she should do. It felt like it was something that she herself wanted and she wasn't getting.

Maybe I'm getting too involved in the sex of it. Maybe that wasn't the intention.

Ben

They leave who she inevitably chooses…to bang it out with ambiguous and up to the audience, Because for them to confirm in any sort of way I think would lead to too narrow a read on polyamory itself.

Nini

So the idea that they're trying to get across is that this is not about sex. Polyamory is not a sex thing.

Ben

Correct.

Nini

I can accept that take, in terms of what they're trying to put in front of their audience.

Ben

Both of them want sex. Like Yuki wants sex, too, when it comes to Shuhei, but like he's unsatisfied because he can't enjoy it openly the way he realizes he wants to and needs to. And so much of this is about them all having to let go of their preconceptions about what their lives should look like. And so, like, the final scene of the three of them, like, seeking each other out at night, and then just being happy to see each other, works for me because it feels like they see each other, and that's enough for me. Like, I don't have to understand it to get that, whatever they found, it works for them.

That's how I feel about every polycule I've ever met. I don't always get it, but everybody involved seems all right. Their relationship is not about me. If they say they're happy, I just accept that and move along.

Nini

I'll take that away and think about that, but my overall feel of the show is that it definitely had ideas that it wanted to get across. It had an audience that it was talking to. I think that maybe I wasn't the audience, and that is part of my ambivalent feelings about the show. So, for me, it lands on ‘good,’ obviously has a point of view, obviously has a story it wants to tell. But it's not for me, and that's fine.

Ben

I gave this a 9 because I really engaged with all the ideas the whole way through, and I was really gripped by the whole of it. I liked how so much of it ends up being about Misaki having to defend her family from herself, from her co-worker, and I like that she's consistently fighting for the boys specifically, and that she cares about them.

Nini

Ben gives it a 9. I, on quality, give it a 9 and a half.

Ben

Oooh, look at you.

Nini

Like I said, it is a good, objectively good, show. I'm just not the audience for it.

1:15:53 - Spring Roundup

Ben

And we're back!

Now that we’ve finished catching up on all of the shows—good and bad—it's finally finally time for the Spring Roundup. This week we have our first guest on The Conversation. We have brought my best friend, David onto The Conversation. David, say hello to the people.

David

Hey, y'all!

Ben

Okay. [David laughs]

Nini

Hi, David! I'm so excited to have you with us!

David

I am, too!

Nini

I remember saying to Ben, like, probably around the time the first voice note hit the chat, like, ‘David has to come on the show.’ So, I am very glad that we were able to make it work.

David

I love that. He was telling me that people wanted to hear me, and I'm like, “Look, there are too many people who tell me to shut up. I love this!” [David and Nini laugh]

Nini

That will never be a problem over on this side.

David

“David talking again.”

Nini

Never shut up, I beg you. [chuckles]

1:16:40 - David Introduction and BL Background

Alright, alright. So, David, tell us about you. Tell us about how you even got into BL. Tell us a little bit about the David story.

David

Um, hoo! I'll say, so I'll start from the BL angle. I got into BL because of Ben. I don't know if he's ever told anyone this story, but me and Ben have two very different takes on Love of Siam. He is not to bring it up in my presence. I feel tricked and deceived. But because of Love of Siam, I didn't even realize that BL was a category, and Ben tried to initially get me into it, but I got really sick for a while. And I wasn't watching with him, and then I started getting over it and the first BL that like fell into my lap because I found it on YouTube was Until We Meet Again.

And then it was a rabbit hole. I like finished that BL in like I think one sitting.

Ben

Which is insane.

David

And I think in that sitting I was texting Ben like, “Oh hell no!” [laughs] And then immediately went and watched another whole show back to back and that was Love by Chance.

Nini

Interesting!

David

Finished that the next night. [Nini laughs] Yeah, girl, I know. I know.

Ben

It was super annoying having David texting me about old shows because like we're neck deep in like 2021 content. [David laughs] Like that was a busy year. There was a week at one point we had 16 shows to watch and David’s like, “So this show in 2018: I really want to talk about it.”

David

I was also watching all the current stuff.

Ben

Yeah, that was a lot.

David

I was, I think at least six, seven hours a day. For a while it was all BL.

Ben

According to David's MDL, he's basically current on all of the BL

David

Yeah. There's maybe like four or five recent ones that I haven't watched, and two of those I was directly told by someone ‘you are not missing anything.’

1:18:50 - David’s History with Queer Cinema

Ben

Here's an interesting question because you and I have been in the guts of queer cinema a long time. Prior to BL, what are some of your favorite gay movies that you remember?

David

Now, of course he knows this is loaded because I'm always gonna say Big Eden.

Ben

It’s so good.

David

One, it like touches my heart. When I'm depressed I watch Big Eden. It's one of the few times where I've been upset at the main queer character almost the entire movie. Henry has issues. But Big Eden is a beautiful movie, and then maybe after that Beautiful Thing, To Wong Foo, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Bound, Like Water for Chocolate—another lesbian classic.

Ben

To elaborate on The Love of Siam conversation, we watched Love Siam, and David and I were both deeply repulsed by what happened there. But we contextualized it in different ways. David was furious and was like, “I never want to discuss this film ever again,” and so David was not exactly primed for BL because he was so ambivalent about Thailand.

The big Thai gay things we watched between 2012 and 2017ish…

David

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Ben

…were Love of Siam, Bangkok Love Story—a horrible film.

David

Horrible fucking film.

Ben

The Blue Hour—a good film but really unsettling—and How to Win at Checkers (Every Time).

David

Lord Jesus.

Ben

So.

David

Like Thailand routinely came for my throat and I had done nothing to it. Thailand routinely showed up at my front door with these movies like, “Come outside. We ain't gonna jump you,” and inevitably I would open the door and get jumped, and I never learned my lessons. So—

Ben

[laughs] It would always be me leading them. I’m like hey I got this film!

David

Yeah! It’s Ben. It's Ben. Yeah, no, it wasn't Thai. It was Ben sitting outside with the movies. “Come outside. You won't get jumped.” You said that last time. “Girl, come on, stop talking about old shit.”

[Nini laughs]

Ben

I like the queer angst films. David does not.

1:20:59 - David’s Favorite BL Actors

Ben

So back to BL! For funsies: How about you tell the people of the podcast who some of your favorite boys are.

David

Ohm and Fluke.

Ben

She is a My Blue girlie.

David

Uh, I really am. [whispers] Earth Pirapat. I love him.

Nini

Why did you whisper it like that?

David

If you hear this, Earth, my one true love. [Nini laughs] My current husband, I love him. He is a placeholder for you. I just want you to know [Nini laughs harder] he can be gone tomorrow, bae. Like it ain’t nothing. Earth, what do you need? Like, I got you. What do you need, Daddy? You need a boat?

Nini

I heard the F at the end of Earth right there and I was like I feel you. I completely understand where you're coming from this moment—not my particular ministry but I feel you.

David

Yeah, thank you, thank you. I had to constantly deal with Ben's malcontent, so thank you for acknowledging…

Ben

I will back up David's Earth girlie bona fides. David has not seen Water Boyy because I refused to let David suffer that loss, but David saw Earth for all of two minutes in Love By Chance and he's calling me “Who is this man! I need to know who this man is immediately!”

David

I—he came on the screen. I was like “and that's it, yep, right there!”

Nini

You were officially sprung.

David

Right there! [gross David mouth noises] Yes.

Nini

Oh my God. [laughs]

David

Yeah, Earth. Earth. That's all I gotta say, Earth. That man—whew—Lord.

Ben

David has an appreciation for what he calls ‘the Big Talls’ and—

David

Yeah, I love the Big Talls.

Nini

Fair. You know how I feel about a Big Tall.

Ben

You and Nini can hang out together talking about Man Trisanu—

David

Man! Oof, girl! Not Man! Oh my…girl!

Nini

‘Man.’ Is. Correct.

David

Never has a name so encapsulated a being.

Nini

‘Man’ and ‘tree’ in the same place.

David

Girl. Man. Tree. Mountain. Stud. I mean, look, look, look, Man. Man did the job that he was sent here to do. God Bless him. May Buddha protect him. Like yass. [Nini laughs]

1:23:24 - David’s Thoughts on the Spring Shows

Nini

Okay, so we've got the shows we've got the boys. Let's dive into the season. Talk to me about how you felt about this spring—all the shows we've been watching over the last few months

David

So, I think I've said this to Ben before. I felt that this season was probably the one of the most extremes. Like there were a few things that were...hmm...misses, kind of, but for the most part we had…duds and bangers. And the bangers made the duds and the misses that much worse.

We had [The] Eighth Sense, Bed Friend, Our Dining Table, Jack o’ Frost, and everything else was okay, but those are all 10s and they were bangers, and it just made everything—

Ben

How dare you forget La Pluie? I will beat you.

David

Oh I'm, I'm so sorry, please forgive me sir. [Ben laughs] You're right. I—I'm so sorry, sir. La Pluie. He's right. That was wrong. I do deserve the slapdown that I just received.

Ben

Sat in my house—for 11 of 12 episodes.

David

In his house—played in his face y'all. Played in this man’s face. In his face like he didn’t know who it was. I’m sorry. La Pluie.

[Nini laughs]

There were a lot of good ones and I think that's why there were so many, many more bad ones. In particular, the most glaring combination is the shows that were basically the same show but one was clearly better.

Step by Step, [A] Boss and a Babe. Look, A Boss and a Babe, I get what they were trying to do but the whole show was a massive misstep, and it was so much more obvious because right after A Boss and a Babe we got Step by Step—which fumbled maybe a couple of times—it fumbled a little—but it stuck the fucking landing.

Ben

Hmm...

David

I think—oh here—

Nini

Ben is gonna fight you, but David I am on your side!

David

I heard the 'mmm'. She has talked to me about this before. I actually completely agree with what I know she's gonna say, but I still think they stuck the landing in a way that everyone else fumbled and fell on their fucking face.

Ben

Hmm...

Nini

David, you me. You can't see me now but we are shaking hands! We are shaking hands.

David

We are I—I concur. Thank you.

Ben

I’m gonna have a little sip while y’all—

[David and Nini laugh]

1:26:15 - Somewhat Forgettable Shows

Ben

So you mentioned a bunch of shows that really stood out for you. Like, looking over your list, like you already mentioned like Our Dating Sim, Our Dining Table, Step by Step, La Pluie, Bed Friend…looking at the rest of the stuff: What did you genuinely enjoy, but you feel like you have to look at your list to remember that show.

David

Oh, that's a good one. I really enjoy but I have to look at the list to remember it…Our Dating Sim. I liked it but it would never be in the forefront of my mind. But if you bought it up and I saw it in front of it like “I like that.” I felt during this show—I was like ‘oh this is cute.’

That's a really good question. Like you liked it but you need to like, be reminded of it. And that would be, yeah…Our Dating Sim, Jack o’ Frost. God bless it, I want to say Naked Dining but Lord Jesus Christ…

[Ben laughs]

They tr–girl, they’re my top nominee for “Y'all tried it”

[Ben and Nini laugh]

Ben

David has declared a new entrant into Girl, You Tried.

Nini

I'm putting it in the notes. What about you, Ben? What's the one or two that you liked but to actually remember you gotta look at the list?

Ben

It's probably…Unintentional Love Story and…Love Mate. These are both shows that I think I gave 9s to, and I would earnestly recommend, but I don't think I would independently bring them up in conversation as like BL Essentials that I really want someone else to watch.

David

I agree with those, particularly Love Mate. Like, I would put Love Tractor on that list.

Nini

I watched Love Mate and Love Tractor after the fact. Which, by the way, the Koreans have got to get better at naming these shows.

Ben

Love Tractor is a good one, too! Like, Love Tractor was actually good—

David

Love Tractor was good.

Ben

It feels like they missed it.

David

There was a point where they could have done some stuff faster, and had these boys sucking face quicker—I'm gonna let it be what it was…It was cute, but like I said, it's on that list for me. I liked it but it never comes to the forefront of my mind.

Nini

I feel like that's fair for both Love Mate and Love Tractor.

What else did we watch that I have to remind myself that we watched?

Ben

There were quite a few flops we did not even acknowledge the season. [laughs]

Nini

We're not even talking about the flops—

Ben

David's going on on a face journey right now.

David

Like, my whole, [sighs] There were so many… 've seen fish dumped on the bottom of a boat that flopped less than some—

Nini

Oh my God—

David

Fish gasping for air trying to get back into the sea! “Release me, old man, and I shall grant you three wishes!” Some of this stuff was flippity floppity floopin’ all over the place.

Ben

As I remind David about the trenches that I fought through for eight years of BL.

David

Here he goes…

Nini

“Oh, all my life I had to fight.”

David

Had to fight David. I had to fight Viki. I had to fight iQIYI—

David

I love BL.

Nini

Had to fight WeTV!

David

Lord knows I do!

Ben

I did have to fight WeTV, though, shit.

[everyone laughs]

1:29:25 - Favorite Actor Pairs

Ben

Before we get into some of the cerebral questions about this season, I have one more sort of half-fun question to sort of ease us there. Of the programs that you enjoyed, which actor pairs did you enjoy working together the most—just in the work—not with all of the fan shit around it?

David

Bed Friend.

Ben

What about Net and James really stuck out for you?

David

The material they were handling, because we can talk about all the high heat stuff—whatever— they were great. Rarely has two people had that kind of sexual chemistry, but the—trigger warning—the sexual assault thing, and how at some point you realize even though he has not told him what happened to him, he knows. And how he is respecting his boundaries and that's coming into the story and they're talking about—without talking about how someone deals with that trauma for the rest of their life. And how it can't help but inform every decision you make, and how you respond to things.

And I do not think that any other pair could have pulled that off in the same way that Net and James did. As a matter of fact, if you had asked me if I thought they could do it, I probably would have said no.

Ben

Judging on their previous work I would not expect—

David

—on their previous work, but they were both…fantastic.

Ben

What about you, Nini?

Nini

My couple of the season? It's gotta be Man and Ben.

David

I'm not even mad.

Nini

I think Man and Ben did a really good job with Step by Step.

David

I’m not even mad…even though that boy has the ugliest crying face—God bless him—Ben, I love Ben to death, but like his crying face makes me so angry.

[Ben laughs]

I'm like please teach this child how to cry without scrunching up his mouth like that. I love him, though.

And how tall is Man? 6’9” or something?

Ben

I don't know. It's a lot though.

Nini

Man was on point. Everything he put on screen was on point, and Ben just followed along I think. I think they did really well.

David

I would like to say, too: I don't think we've ever seen…a pursuer really be…emotional. Like if you think about it, how many times have we seen “the guy” going after the person really have a breakdown and cry. There might be some tears. They're upset. They're throwing stuff, but he broke down.

Nini

He was crying in his baby brother's lap.

David

His brother. He was like ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do?’ And he delivered that! It was completely believable. Like I watched that scene five times. He just loses it. It was completely believable. He was amazing, and I was just like ‘How dare you hurt my redwood?’

Nini

The thing that struck me about that scene was that Man couldn't actually produce tears but somehow—that scene—is, like, he is bawling. There are no tears and I'm still feeling everything that he's feeling because just the sound of his voice—everything.

David

It was working and this motherfucker couldn't cry! I was like how dare you!

Ben

My couple of this season is Title and Pee from La Pluie.

Nini

I knew you were going there.

Ben

Girl, you knew what this was. We did not simp hard enough for Title during the La Pluie discussion.

[David laughs]

That boy is beautiful! He has an incredible smile. Like, they're like ‘I think Tai likes this boy too’ and I'm like ‘that's just Title. He just gives everybody the eye every time he looks at them. He breaks people. It's The Eyes of Kid Midas shit going on here.’

David

You know you can't be looking at everybody like that because even I was like he's a whore.

[Ben laughs]

You don't look at everybody like that.

Nini

Did I not say that Tai is an alley cat like from jump.

David

And you were right. You were a prophet. You led the march because he's a whore.

Ben

And he bit that man.

David

And then he bit him.

Nini

No, okay, sorry. We just did not ventilate this enough because I just, like, uploaded the Adult Swim episode today, which means I just listened to it again and I'm sorry we didn't talk enough about how Tai bit that man. We just didn't.

David

He bit a grown man…and then had the nerve to get mad because the man got mad ‘cause you bit him. Do we remember what he said after that? ‘You made me.’ Sir! That is inappropriate in every way shape and form that matters! You can't just be biting people.

Do I want to sometimes walk around and bite people? Yes, because, listeners, some people just deserve to get bit. We all know it, we all secretly think it. Like, don't play. Don't play. Lie to God, don't lie to me. Read your scripture. It's above me.

All I'm saying…What was I saying? He's a whore. That's what I'm saying.

[Ben laughs]

I lost the thread at some point.

Ben

They don't have easy characters to portray. Title has to be a likable enough protagonist for people to project onto him before they recognize that he's been in the wrong the entire time. And then he has to be wrong in a way that also makes you want to root for him to get better. And that's super difficult—

David

Oh…I didn’t think about it like that.

Ben

And Pee has a difficult character because he has to be all of these things without people asking any questions about his biography. Like, he has to be a perfect romantic interest but not in a way that's distracting. Pee has to portray Patts in such a way that we identify him as the ideal partner that Saengtai has been looking for this whole time, but we need to not ask any questions about him, like where does his money come from, what's the deal with his people, what does he care about outside of Saengtai and taking care of these animals and his friends

And he encompasses Patts in such a way that he feels like a complete person. Who has turned his interest towards Saengtai in a way that doesn't demand the audience ask any goddamn questions about him. Like, for all the debating about Patts this whole season, nobody stopped to ask a damn question about how does this man's life even function, which I think is also great. Because it means everybody was caught up in Saengtai's bullshit the whole time.

They give such legible performances over the course of the show. There's never a moment where you're confused about what Saengtai or Patts is feeling and why they're feeling it.

Ben

So we talked about the actors. We loved Net and James this season. We loved Man and Ben. We loved Title and Pee. Who else stood out this season?

Nini

Iijima and Inukai.

Ben

Also Suzuki Kosuke and Honda Kyoya. The Japanese BLs we gave 10s to? Stellar performances. Nobody has looked like such a sap more than Iijima in a long time and that was so lovely to watch.

1:36:49 - The Changing Nature of BLs

Ben

Let's get into the cerebral. We talked a little bit in the… Adult Swim episode about how intellectually demanding this season felt.

David, since you've been in a rapid catch up with BL for the last two years…We talked about how emotional the winter felt with Moonlight Chicken, Utsukushii Kare 2, The Warp Effect, My School President, Never Let Me Go—

David

Back to back to back to back bangers. I don't even know if we've had a season where there were that many back to back to back bangers.

Ben

Airing concurrently? No, that was a first. However, this particular season as you said, there were really good shows and not so great shows. How do you feel about how much the shows of this particular season required us to lean in, and pay attention to them, and talk about them, and acknowledge what was being said?

David

I think the medium is evolving. I think we're having to lean in more because some shows want us to. They're clearly writing this. They're clearly directing this. They're clearly leading us somewhere where we want you to think about this. It's not all cutesy. And I think that is a maturing of the genre itself.

Ben

Nini, you have any thoughts about the…cerebral nature of this season you want to get out for the lagniappe?

Nini

I talked a little bit about this in the Adult Swim episode, but my brain? She be tired. My brain be so tired like to the point where, over the summer, I'm just watching trash, lighthearted fluff, and one or two things that are making me think a little bit more, but mostly just—yeah—I don't want to think for the next little bit.

David

Trash is where it's at, yup.

Nini

I'm a Thailand girlie. I go up for the Thai shows most of the time, and every big name in Thailand gave me something to look at, more or less, this season and it was all like…if not the best, it was instructive. It was interesting. It made me think. So, I generally had a good time, but she tired.

Ben

I almost want to say this is where the genre peaks for me. Like I've been wondering what the peak of BL was going to look like for a while. There was a lot of really heavy stuff this season about what queer people are living with and experiencing, and I am curious where BL goes after this.

1:39:34 - Girl, You Tried

So before we talk about where BL is going next…We've been building towards this all season. It's time to hand out Girl, You Tried.

[David laughs]

Dave this is your first time on the podcast with us. During the VIIB Awards we handed out an award for a show that. Boy, there were some ideas, there were some performances—they were not in the same meeting.

David

[laughs] At all. The focus group saw something different. Um, people watched a different show. Some notes got jumbled up. Uh, clearly the director was asleep or just not paying attention. Things happened.

Ben

Nini, please introduce our contestants.

Nini

For those of you who might be new to us, Girl, You Tried is an award that we give out every season for a good concept that struggled with its execution. So, our four nominees. Four, people! Four nominees for Girl, You Tried this season are: late entry—Naked Dining, original entry—A Shoulder to Cry On, and along the way entries—A Boss and a Babe and Step by Step.

You've heard us talk about all of these shows across the season, so we're not going to dive too deep. Y'all will have heard the problems that we had with the shows. David, aside from Naked Dining which is the one you put on the list, maybe tell the people why you think Ben and I put specific shows on the list.

David

To be fair, I did not watch A Shoulder to Cry On because Ben dogged that show out so bad I wasn't even gonna give it the time of day. So, um, I can't vote on A Shoulder to Cry On.

Naked Dining takes it home for me because they were both annoying. They both were getting on my nerves, and this weird thing that they love doing in Japan, where people take off for prolonged periods of time and don't talk to one another…is obnoxious. There were all these weird near misses, and the food was supposed to be more central but it really wasn't. Some things just didn't make sense and no one would explain it. Normally that's okay, but there are things that are central to the story that just didn't make sense.

Ben

How did they try?

David

What they tried for was cute little cooking show with a side of romance. What they got was day-old, discounted bread. They wasted my time and my soul. It was a waste. If we're taking it down to brass tacks, they tried…something…I don't know what it may have been.

Maybe they were trying to do a cooking show. Maybe they were trying to do a show about kitchen safety, and why you shouldn't be in your kitchen naked. I really don't know what they were trying to do.

Ben

Nini, we've talked about a lot of these shows a lot. Who is your winner for Girl, You tried for this season?

Nini

Well for me, it's always gonna be who, with like some nips, some tucks, some tweaks, would have been a 10 for me? That's my criterion, and for me that show is Step by Step, ‘cause Step by Step was like, I think I ended up giving it like a 9.

Ben

Yeah, you gave it a 9…

Nini

Yes, I did! I truly think that with a couple of nips and tucks and tweaks like Step by Step could have been a 10 show for me. I just enjoyed whatever Tee was doing. I…was into the ideas that he was playing with. You know I'm a vibesy bitch and I was feeling the vibe of Step by Step.

But! It needed some—some tidying—it needed some cleaning up. Like I said, some nips, some tucks, and it would have been essential for me. So yeah, Step by Step. That's my winner. How about you, Ben?

Ben

I went back and listened to some of our stuff in preparation for the Girl, You Tried award, and I think the fact that we had a gaming company and a team of gamers and they never did anything with that as a potential crossover feels like a huge miss from the writing standpoint, which means that they were barely paying attention. That's a huge knock in the ‘you're not really’ trying section of the board for me. And I think just listening back, the intensity with which I was criticizing Step by Step is basically the built-in answer for me.

I love Tee a lot, as a creator, as a queer person, and…I'm always rooting for him, but goddamn does he make it hard sometimes.

[David and Ben laugh]

Nini

Ben said Tee’s that friend you have who's right, but damn, shut the fuck up. [laughs]

Ben

Drink your juice, Shelby!

David

Tee really is. Girl, you shoulda just sat there and ate your dinner. Tee really is that friend. See! Just sit there, just eat.

Ben

Like, the reason why it's Step by Step is, as an entertainer, Tee—I think—broke trust with his audience. And he really misfired there, because, like, there are so many good ideas in Step by Step, and he's got a really good eye as a director. He's a really legible storyteller but he's got to figure out how to put these things together. He's got to figure how to structure his episodes more effectively. And so for me, it ends up being Step by Step because I can feel the show that Step by Step wants to be more than the other shows on this list.

Like, Naked Dining doesn't know what it wants to be. A Shoulder to Cry On got edited to all hell because of the idols involved. And what the fuck was New even doing with the bunch of fucking gamers in a workplace BL? Anyway. So, it’s Step by Step.

Nini

All right. The dubious honor of Girl, You Tried for Spring 2023 with two- thirds of the votes [laughs] goes to Step by Step.

David

I amend my vote. You have talked me out of my vote. I will now amend my vote: Step by Step clears the board!

Ben

The whole panel! [laughs]

David

It'll be the only award show it ever sweeps.

[Nini laughs]

Nini

Sorry! So it's now unanimous.

David

Minus ones across the board.

Ben

Alright, panel, 10s or chops? Nini?

Nini

One chop.

Ben

Two chops.

David

Three fucking chops. [Nini laughs]

I don't see it!

1:46:56 - Looking Ahead

Ben

Our final section: Looking Ahead. What do we have up next? Nini, you've got the list.

Nini

Well, what are we watching right now? So let's start with that. So, one of the things that we're watching now [sighs]...I'm just gonna say it. We're watching Be My Favorite. I am on record on this podcast as saying that I had zero interest in watching Be My Favorite. Ben said he was going in hostile—which, he did.

We had to literally amend the name of our chat for the show, like as the show went on. What did it start as?

Ben

Not Our Favorite.

Nini

I was not watching at that point. It went from Not Our Favorite to Maybe? It's Good?? to We’re Mad This Might Be Good. And then now our chat is just called UGH! FINE!!

[David laughs]

David

So I slugged my way through the very first episode, and when he had said it was like the first time in a long time that me and him have both been like ‘absolutely not’ and then…two weeks later this bitch goes “so Be My Favorite” and I turn—aghast, of course—because I thought not only had that ship sailed but we waited until they got at the harbor and we sank it.

And I discover that homegirl down here is taking a sub to go look at its remains. Then of course, because I'm like no this has got to be a complete disaster, because there's no way this Miss Thing went back to his show and now I'm sitting here like “Ugh…okay.”

Ben

What else is on the “Wow are we actually watching this?” list.

David

I know it's not Hidden Agenda.

Nini

It is Hidden Agenda.

David

I haven’t watched it yet because I was gonna let Ben watch it. I'll be like if Ben hates it I won't bother watching it. But I don't want to start watching this shit, and like it, and have this bitch hate it, and not have anybody to watch this show with.

Ben

I don't hate it! I don't think I'm sold on it yet. But I don't hate it.

David

Someone told me that they have definitely gotten better…as acting, now, one show under.

Ben and Nini

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

David

No! Not the both of you! Not the both of you!

[Ben and Nini laugh]

Not the both of you going 'hmmmm' like a starting up race car. I am so mad that you both at the, nearly a second apart 'hmmmm'

[Everyone laughs]

Nini

Here's the thing, right? [David continues laughing] I wasn't going to watch it, then I found out it was Tee and then I was like “well shit, now I have to watch it” because I am contractually obligated to watch everything that he makes after Lovely Writer.

David

Understood.

Nini

This is giving me such Lovely Writer teas in some very specific ways, but it's too early to tell as yet—

David

What are we? Three in, or two in?

Nini

Three in. Yeah, it's too early to tell—like, with Tee you got to give it half the show. Because, like, when I think about Lovely Writer like around four is when it started turn, and by six I was like ‘yeah, okay, in.’

With Tee, he's a slow burn motherfucker. You just got to give him time to get into it. So I am holding my thoughts on it…so far, but I am contractually obligated to watch it all the way through.

Ben

David and I caught up on Laws of Attraction this weekend. It's a lot of fun. We're having a great time.

David

I love him.

Ben

He’s talking about the insane lawyer.

David

His level of outright ridiculous sissiness. I live for. It is walking gay chaos…and I…live… for every moment he is on the screen. And somehow each shirt got gayer.

Like, I don't know if he's having conversations with people in costuming, or if he is like pointing at a random poor little assistant and going “You I want you to go to a woman's blouse store and get the ugliest, most asymmetrical shirt you can.”

Ben

[laughs ]And it better be champagne-colored!

David

“And you are to bring it back here, and I swear to God, if it's not earth-toned or champagne…I will beat you to within an inch of your life. Go do your job and get out of my face.”

He is giving me everything because, look, girls, gays, and theys with guns—I'm here for. And when he goes to that office trying to beat that boy up, and he pulls out that gay-ass little gun… and goes, “Look, Boo-Boo, I'mma put one in you one way or another.”

[Nini laughs]

I live. I live! I was resurrected. I had bronchitis and he cleared it up. It resurrected me. That whole scene healed me in body and spirit. I'm not gonna even lie.

Nini

So I am not watching this. I am waiting for somebody to tell me I must watch this.

David

Oh girl, you're not missing anything. Do not get us wrong! You are not missing cinéma vérité by any stretch of any one's fucking imagination. But what I will tell you is that it is delightful.

Ben

Also from Thailand, we are watching Be Mine Superstar.

Nini

When I was talking earlier about a trash watch. This is what I was talking about. [laughs]

David

I have not been watching it because it was another one that I was kind of waiting to see what Ben was gonna say.

Ben

Be Mine Superstar is fine. It is…very watchable. It isn’t asking a lot of me right now. I'm having a good time with the performances. Overall, it is a low stakes watch for me, and I'm with Nini. Like I'm having a great time with the big pieces but I don't mind having just a very watchable show where it's very clear that Ja and First are having a good time playing against their type.

David

Okay!

Ben

Okay, we're gonna talk about the shit I care about!

Nini

Now Ben wants to talk about Japan.

Ben

Let's talk about Japan!

David

Oh, here she go. Buckle up, folks. It's gonna be a bumpy night.

Ben

Japan is currently airing two shows. I am living my best life!

Currently, we have Tokyo in April is… which is the first new outing from MBS, who have continued their Drama Shower rotation. A lot of you may not be familiar with who MBS is but they are a Japanese broadcasting network. It is very, very cool that MBS is invested in BL because they have produced some of the most important shit that's worked its way out of Japan into the masses, like some of the most famous anime comes from MBS. Very, very cool that MBS is committing an entire second year to BL and they are continuing to get more gritty with the kinds of stories they're willing to tell along the way, and I am really, really impressed with Tokyo in April is… and I don't want to say anything else right now because we have a lot to unpack when we finally discussed it in fall!

Also, Minato’s Laundromat 2 is airing right now, and while Nini may never watch Minato's Laundromat 2 so we'll probably not discuss it on this show except for me saying like it deserves a VIIB Award later, it is really cool that the showrunners opted to abandon the source material for the second season.

From Korea we have Jun & Jun right now. If you are kind of bougie about Korean production, I don't think you're going to enjoy this one.

Finally, Taiwan is back! Oh my god, Taiwan is back and it's as cracked out as ever! Holy shit Stay by My Side is so stupid! I love it!

[David laughs]

We have needed a stupid BL for a while, and like it's not stupid in a sense like the plotting is bad, the storytelling is bad, but it's just so silly. It's like what if we take all these goofy BL tropes and just ramp that up to 9! Not 10, just 9!

We don't know when Man Suang is going to come out. We're anticipating it but we have no idea when it's going to release because they are doing the international festivals circuit thing.

David

A friend of mine got into a viewing of it. Apparently it's good. Sincerely good.

Nini

There is something else coming out of Drama Shower that I don't have on the list because it only came up recently. My Personal Weatherman. That is what it’s called.

And the last one, which I am obligated to mention because my baby Na Naphat. Na and ISBANKY is in it and Saiparn from Midnight Museum. It's Club Saipan Fine: Moments and Memories.

Ben

That looks like a goddamn mess.

Nini

It looks exactly like the kind of trash that I need to watch, and it’s only four episodes.

Ben

I'm glad it's only four episodes, so you can report back quickly because goddamn I am not doing that one.

David

Ben look harrangued—and traumatized—right now. [Ben laughs] He's huddling on the floor in the corner shaking his head.

Nini

It's mess and lesbians.

David

Oh wait! There are lesbians in it?

Nini

Yes.

David

And here we are! We're there. That's it, that’s it. I'm watching it.

1:57:44 - Outro

Ben

As we wrap this up, David, thank you for joining us as our very first guest on The Conversation.

David

Oh god this was awesome.

Nini

I just want to let the people know that we've been here for two hours. I don't know how long the edit's going to be but we've been having a goodass time.

Ben

I think we just take, like, the necessary stuff for the episode and then just release a bonus episode and just call it the David Cut. [David laughs]

David

It's the David Cut where I talk in a gravelly voice.

Ben

David, since we are together we have to do the thing for Nini because she's been waiting for it for a long time.

Let's remind our listeners something very important: Dick is abundant.

David

And low in value.

Ben

Dick futures are not a safe investment.

David

The NASDICK is trending down.

Nini

[crying] The NASDICK…

Ben

I'm making sure it's the NASDICK—I said NASDICK and I almost killed Ben. The first time I said the NASDICK is trending down and almost killed one of my best friends.

Nini

[laughs] On that note, I think it's time to wrap, and we will bid you all adieu until the fall. David, Ben, say bye to the people. We out.

David

Bye! Thank you guys for having me! It was great!

Ben

Peace!

#podcast #lgbtq #my only 12 percent #roommates of poongduck 304 #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #the shipper #me my husband and my husband's boyfriend #earth pirapat #ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #on art #summer 2023 #season 3 #summer series #Spotify

42 notes · View notes

infinitetelevision · 29 days

Text

Romancing the Egg

Wild Cards. Season 1, Episode 10.

Hmmm. I expected a betrayal. I expected something to do with Ellis' brother changing Max's mind. Got both of those, and not much else. I held out some hope for the show because I liked some parts of it, but not these parts. Season 1 is a fun, mindless watch if that's what you're looking for - just don't think about the plot points too much.

Show so far: ⭐⭐

Episode: ⭐⭐

-Ace Analyst

More spoilery talking points under the cut:

We're just going to walk through the plot points one by one here:

Max has a plan to betray her husband we didn't previously know about. Okay. Sure. No issues with that plot. Kinda nice that it ties in with the random mansions, and kinda cliche that there's an unexpected husband, but no issues with this idea.

Max gets the local police involved in the plan. Okay - what? The local police get informed that an international thief is going to be in town, hear Max's plan to catch him with just one of their own and go, okay, sure? Let's not call Interpol or someone else? Weird, but forgivable in the context of TV logic. They're really trusting her with this one.

Max expects Husband to run and plans for that. This was fine. Made sense. Glad to see that there were actually other police there besides Ellis, even if it was just literally the only two other cops in the whole show.

Max actually stole the real egg before Husband and replaced it with a fake. This, too, is fairly predictable, and fine. In fact, I expected it so much that the flashbacks to her doing so were incredibly boring. I didn't actually care how she got it done - they've been feeding us lines all season that she's a good thief, I believed it, didn't need to see it.

Ellis discovers Max's plan. Predictable, fine, whatever. Liked that he grew suspicious after trying to reach both her and ... whatever the other guy's name was. A little weird that the $33 million evidence was just easy to check out and investigate on his own.

Ellis goes to confront Max. This was... bad. Sure, it makes sense with what they've tried to tell us about how close these two are, but then he just... goes home? Doesn't tell anyone? Is the broken egg still on his desk. Are the authorities aware that Max has betrayed them at all? What was Ellis planning to do - pretend he didn't know? Tell them later? He literally checked out the evidence!

Max discovers something in the audio tapes and changes her mind about leaving. Again, I saw this coming. It's fine but predictable, as was her conversation with Ellis on the boat.

All in all, that kind of sums up the show - fine but predictable. Nothing interesting or exciting happened in the finale. The plots were occasionally engaging, but the characters weren't. There was potential, but they were cliche and one-note. After ten episodes, I still don't know who Max and Ellis are. Max cares about her Dad, smiles a lot, and is good at crime. Ellis cared about his brother, wants his job back because his dad was a cop, and is a rule-follower - except for when he isn't.

There was a moment, in this episode, where they talked about always having each other's backs, but it didn't feel earned to me. We've had ten episodes. The first few was just them settling in together, and between that we've had plenty of mistrust. I didn't get that closeness.

I saw someone say that the most intriguing thing about the show was the side characters, and I don't entirely disagree. The hints of Simmons' past partnership with Ellis was interesting. Max's friend was neat. Even Yates grew on me, though for some reason she just stopped insulting Ellis halfway through the season. The writers were good at subtext with these things, but the actual text wasn't as engaging.

Minor point 1: Didn't like the way this episode was shot. The weird slow-mo's and zoom ins while pulling the 'heist' felt boring and unnecessary.

Minor point 2: Max's husband was literally just there to get caught. That's it. We learned nothing new about Max through the introduction of this character.

Final note. Fun. Boring. No character development. Won't be in a hurry to watch Season 2 if it does end up getting renewed.

#Wild Cards #tv review

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artisticbirb · 11 months

Text

It’s just a game, right? PT 1

Lee Felix X Fem Reader

Warnings: Future part will have kissing, there will be cheating, and cursing. Also this is my first time ever writing something, so please bear with me lmfao. This pt is short bc it wont let me save with more words, pt 2 coming soon!

Normally it was just occasional glances at other women. That was fine, you weren’t the jealous type, and people didn’t suddenly all become unattractive just because you were taken. You had both agreed that looking was fine, and you often pointed people out to one another who you found attractive. However after the Stray kids concert you had both attended and the evening went on, you noticed his gaze lingering on people a bit longer than it should, and you could have sworn you saw him wink at the gorgeous curly brown haired woman who strolled past. But you decided to shrug it off as you just being tired, but it still bothered you in the back of your mind. A few minutes later, your new friend who you had met before the concert caught up to you. "Hey y/n, do you wanna do a gamenight with some of my friends later? We're meeting up in their hotel room in about 2 hours". "I would absolutely LOVE that!" you respond excitedly. "Great, I can't wait to see you later!" she chirps, and skips off happily. "I guess we should go freshen up a bit real quick?" your boyfriend suggests, and you both head to the hotel to shower and change. You notice your boyfriend dressing up a bit nicer than one would for a simple game night with strangers, adding extra excessories but you decide again to pay it no mind. It does make you feel a bit awkward about your simple leggings and t-shirt so you decide to add a silver necklace with a small hummingbird charm, and a pair of earrings. You decide to eat something before leaving since the concert drained you, and then you texted your friend for the hotel you'd be meeting at, and their room number. It was a very nice night, the perfect warmth paired with a gentle breeze, so since the hotel was only a block away you both decided to walk there rather than use a taxi. As you approached the hotel entrace, you spotted your friend jumping excitedly waving her arms in the air to catch your attention, and she ran over to greet you. "I'm so happy you're here, I can't wait for you to meet my friends y/n!" she said with an unusually high level of excitement that made you wonder what was going to happen later with these "friends" of hers. Your boyfriend just looked at her with an annoyed look, obviously annoyed at her almost childlike excitement, even though you yourself found it cute. You noticed her grinning at you with an odd look during the elevator ride to one of the top floors and you started getting just the slightest bit nervous but thought maybe she was just enthusiastic about the games that were planned. Then, the elevator dinged and the door opened, so you both exited following your friend to a room that was all the way at the end of the hall. When she opened the door you were met with a large group of people, but 8 of them caught your attention right away. You dropped the water bottle you had been carrying, and stared in silent shock without breathing, wondering if you were hallucinating. A cheerful face immediately came towards you, greeting you with a deep voice. "Hey, I'm Felix, it's nice to meet you!" he said while you continued to stare, and you finally remembered to breathe, nearly screaming when he grabbed your hand and shook it. part two >

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #fem reader #lee felix #skz fanfic #skz x reader #skz x stay

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manyothermusingsofmine · 6 months

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Strings Painfully Attached || Drabble

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3 Wordcount: 1880 Warnings: Nothing but angsty feels here Authors Note: "Thank you, for the dance. I won't forget it." hAHAHAHA OW. -insert emotional damage meme here-

Summary: After having to, again, romantically reject someone she only sees as a good and close friend, Willow is struggling to process feeling like the bad guy for having to state her boundaries. And the only one who notices she's not doing as well as she likes to (badly) pretend she does, is Halsin

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It was incredibly late at night at the last light inn. Most people had turned in for the night, including the chaotic bunch of people that had gotten roped into the inn last. Halsin was among them, and also one of the rare few still awake as thoughts of Thaniel haunted his mind. With a quiet sigh, he decided to look for some company in the hopes of easing his mind for a little while. And where better to find company than at the bar?

He greeted Wyll on the way there, as the latter went down the hallway and turned into one of the rooms to call it a night. At the bar sat Astarion and Willow, seemingly enjoying each other's company in silence while sipping from their mugs of ale. Well... enjoying?

Looking at the purple tiefling again, something about her body language gave away to Halsin that she was incredibly tense, occasionally looking into the hallway behind him before looking into her mug. He decided to not bring it up, sitting down next to the pale elf instead to give her some space as he also ordered a drink.

"So, anything new?" Halsin asked

"Not really," Astarion answered, and Halsin couldn't deny that he had actually wanted the answer from Willow. Still, he decided to listen.

"We were discussing a plan of attack earlier, when Willow told me she wanted to just sit at the bar for a spell and think about what to do next. Or at least, which problem we should tackle first."

Willow just nodded, still staring into the liquid in the mug, as if she was hoping to find an answer written on the bottom of it if she just looked hard enough. In a moment that seemed to take a lot more thought than it should, she carefully lifted up the mug to her lips to take a sip.

"We were talking about maybe splitting up the group so we can cover more ground. Willow seems keen on keeping you, me and Karlach around herself, so in any case we should assign someone to keep the rest occupied while we're exploring. And out of everyone there, my vote is on the only one with some semblance of sense, Wyll-"

Both men flinched for a moment as wood collided with wood in a hard thud; the silence of the inn only amplifying the noise to the degree that it sharply interrupted Astarions out loud planning. They both looked to Willow for a second, and Halsin frowned as the tiefling trembled a little for a moment, before pulling all her emotions back in and exhaling out deeply for a moment.

She then suddenly got up, leaving the mug, and walked off to the doors that would lead her out of the inn.

"Where are you going?" Astarion called after her, making her pause halfway in her stride.

"Outside. I need air."

Halsin just frowned once more at how weirdly clipped and carefully monotone she kept her voice.

"Don't wander too far," Astarion teased, "I don't think the others would appreciate me having to rudely wake them because you got yourself into a bad part of these shadow cursed lands that we need to fish you out of."

Willow just muttered something about how she didn't plan on wandering off, before going outside and slamming the door behind her, the sound once again amplified in the quiet inn.

It stayed silent after that. For what felt like way too long, Halsin and Astarion sat in silence, with Halsin just intently looking at Astarion. Had this supposed coy vampire really not picked up on any of the signs that something was seriously bothering Willow?

It took a while, but Astarion was starting to feel the piercing gaze of the druid onto him, looking at him from his peripheral and then away again a few times before it actually started to bother him.

"..... What?!" he eventually asked in a snappy tone, the silence having turned weirdly eerie with Halsin staring at him like that.

"....... By the Oakfather," Halsin huffed, absolutely incredulous that Astarion really hadn't picked up on this, "You're dense, mate."

He ignored the indignant protesting noises from Astarion as he got up, deciding that if Astarion wasn't going to go and talk to Willow, he would. The girl was clearly in need of a friend to talk to, so he decided he would be that friend.

"What is that supposed to mean, Halsin?!"

Halsin just threw his hand up in a dismissive manner, signaling that he wasn't sticking around to listen to Astarions protesting.

He gently pushed open the doors of the inn, and just as gently closed them behind him. In the moon shield domed courtyard, the air was calm and quiet. Everyone was asleep, so the mood was incredibly serene. If you ignored the soft sobs coming from the front of the blacksmith's abode, that is.

Halsin quietly made his way over there, finding Willow balled up on the ground. She was sobbing into her knees, that she hugged close to herself. He sighed softly, kneeling down in front of her.

"What happened between you and Wyll?"

The sobbing stopped. Willow flinched, looking up in a panic as Halsin had immediately found the source of the issue.

"Oh, come now, Willow," he said, voice kept soft and comforting.

"You all but slammed your mug down on the table when Astarion said his name. Just because he couldn't see that reaction for what it is doesn't mean I can't. What happened?"

She bit her lip, as her eyes filled back up with tears. Halsins gaze softened, as he stayed in his kneeled position; he wasn't sure if she would appreciate any kind of physical comfort.

"What keeps happening," Willow eventually settled on, her voice betraying the amount of heartache she was currently feeling. She got up, slowly, the trembling of her body returning and becoming more intense by the moment as guilt, grief and frustration started to mix all together in a vessel that couldn't contain it anymore. A bucket full of water, with the last few drops put in making it spill over.

Something gave out.

"What fucking keeps happening! First it was with Gale- Gods, the weave is amazing. And feeling any kind of connection to that is like playing with divinity, it was a wonderful feeling! A feeling I had to cut short because he was looking at me in some kind of way like enjoying it in any sense meant I felt something more for him than I do.

Then it was Karlach. She's finally untouchable no more; and I am so incredibly happy for her. I want to be able to touch her, to give her high fives when she did an amazing job, to hug her when she clearly needs a hug- what I never wanted her to do is interpret that as me wanting to drag any of that physical nature across the line of platonic!

And Wyll..."

Her eyes filled with tears once more, as she clutched fistfuls of her hair into her hands as a tidal wave of guilt came in.

"Gods, Wyll, I just want him to be okay. He got dealt such a shitty hand, and I want to tear his patron to shreds for what he's been put through, and all I want for him is to find solace and company in our group. He is so smart, and so dependable- I finally had someone I could just talk to and get an objective opinion about what to do; he's like a brother to me. So when he asked me to dance, of course I wanted to dance! Of course, anything to see him happy, if only for a little while, but-"

Tears poured down her face like an unrelenting waterfall as she recalled the look on his face when she pulled back, drew her walls back up, and rejected him in a romantic sense. She felt like his disappointment, and yet gentlemanly acceptance of her choice, was seared into her mind.

She knew he would never hold it against her, or act like he was somehow entitled to a kind of affection that she didn't have for him. But that did absolutely nothing to lessen the guilt that had a death grip on her heart.

"I'm sick of it!" she snapped at Halsin, who had said nothing the whole time as he realised all of this needed to come out of her so she could finally start to process these emotions.

"I'm just trying to keep this group together, and alive! They deserve the world and I want nothing more than for all of them to be okay. To be okay, and be happy, and be my friends. My friends.

Gods, Halsin, I am so tired of trying to help them overcome the adversaries they're up against because I want them to be happy, only for them to read more into it than there is to it! I don't want that, I don't want to keep hurting them because I don't feel the way they do. I want them to be my friends, just my friends!

I know that what I want is something I can't have, and- they- they keep showing me what I could have, and I don't want it. Not like that! I... I... I'm a monster. I keep leading them on, making them think I love them- I do, but not like- I just- I don't-!"

She trembled, still, as frustration and anger took hold.

"I'm not kind. I try to be, Gods know I try to be. But, clearly, I'm not, if it keeps fucking being interpreted as something it's not! And the only one, the only one, who doesn't see my kindness as some inevitable, telltale sign of something obviously deeper and more valuable than platonic adoration.... is Astarion.

Am I stupid for preferring his coyness and teasing over everyone's direct pining for me? Maybe. Probably. But I prefer how that feels over constantly breaking the hearts of my friends. And I just, I- They- With...."

Grief won. Willow just started full on sobbing, the pain of her deep-seated guilt pouring out in full force as a lot of this had been building up since the group first got together. And pouring it out to Halsin, who had been watching from the sideline, and only just got more involved and thus had no stakes in the manner in any way?

He could see that it had been a storm she had been desperately needing to weather, without anyone to turn to in order to weather it out together. Everyone else was either too involved, or not emotionally available to listen. Halsin closed the gap between them, quietly and gently pulling her into a protective hug as she cried her heart out on his chest. He softly hushed her, smoothing her hair down with his free hand.

"It's alright, Willow," he whispered, deciding he would be the life buoy she could hang onto while she felt like she was drowning.

"You are kind, or all of this wouldn’t bother you as much as it clearly does. I promise you, it’s going to be alright."

#Drifting writes things

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lostjunjiitofan · 7 months

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Shuichi x reader

A/n: fun fact, I woke up at like 2:50 am because I went to bed at 5 pm guess playing nap roulette didn't work in my favor lmao

Something was off about your hometown of Kurouzu-cho, the sirens that would sound off, the occasional whirlwinds that would hit you as you were walking to and from school, and the townspeople's odd obsession with spirals, you brushed it off as just them liking spirals but you soon realized that this wasn't normal, this wasn't just them liking spirals, it was an obsession.

Everything made sense now but you couldn't find a single person who felt the same way, the same feeling of unease towards this town, the same feeling that something was wrong and that this wasn't a normal town. That was until you bumped into a mysterious boy. You didn't recognize him, you hadn't seen him in town before, he had slightly unkempt hair and glasses, he looked normal but it seemed like he had this deep-seeded fear in his stare.

As the days went by you got to know him more, you would run into him more often which gave you the opportunity to talk, you figured out that he went to school in the next town, unlike every other citizen of Kurouzu-cho, it was odd but maybe he had reasons that you didn't know about yet. He was one of the few who left the town often, did that perhaps make him feel odd about the town that he had to go back home to every time that he would be away?

"Hey Shuichi," you asked one morning as you two were walking to the station where Shuichi would go and then you would make your way to the high school. This was a new routine and it gave you the opportunity to get to know him better.

"Um.. how do you feel about the spirals that keep on appearing in the town, I notice them all the time and how people get this almost obsession over them but I never met someone who felt the same unsease over them that I do,"

He looked at you differently than he did before, fragments of happiness and relief were scattered in his eyes but they were overshadowed by shock, had you said something that struck a nerve?

"I..I never thought that someone would feel the same way about this town that I do, I believe this town is contaminated with spirals but every time that I try to tell people about it they never listen to me,"

You two had figured out something that would intertwine you, something that you could bond over, something that you could plan around, how you would leave this town.

"I'm so glad to have found someone like you, someone who I can finally entrust with my worries, trust me, the moment we can, we're both getting out of here, before anything can happen to either of us," Shuichi said as you two stepped onto the train, you had finally transferred to the school that he had gone to which gave you the opportunity to talk to him more and be with him more.

As you sat in your room unable to sleep, it felt like something was in your mind that you couldn't get rid of, every time that you would think about what was making you not be able to sleep you would think of Shuichi, how he would look at you as you two got onto the train, how he wouldn't push you away when you would cling onto him out of fear whenever a whirlwind headed your way, the way that he would "jokingly" say that you two should get together after moving to another town after you get the chance to.

Were you developing a crush? No. No this couldn't be. You two were just friends. Just that. Just friends. Just friends? Right?

The thought crossed your mind again as Shuichi told you of he was now alone since both of his parents had died, one due to the spiral curse and one out of fear of the spiral curse, it seemed that Shiuchi had developed a bit of a fear of spirals as well due to seeing his father's lifeless body contorted into a spiral.

You held his hand and assured that he would be ok; he didn't pull away, he just allowed it, allowed you to hold his hand the entire way home as you two talked about what you would do now, both of your parents had also succumbed to the spiral curse in some way or another and the two of you now had nothing holding you back, no parents, no other people who you might not want to leave behind, just each other.

"I think the next step should be us getting out of town, packing our things, going on a train; maybe buying an apartment and living together until further notice, I could get a job to support us and you could also get a job and we both take care of the apartment or if you prefer, you could stay behind and take care of the apartment while I work, I already have an internship so that won't be much of a problem," Shuichi said to you as the wind blew across the entire town, it was the only logical option and you were all for it.

"I wouldn't mind either way, as long as it means we're out of this cursed town, just the two of us..." Your voice trailed off as you pondered what that would mean, surely this was just a platonic roommate arrangement... right?

Days felt like hours as you and Shuichi packed your things, you booked the first train out of the town and went on, a one way ticket to safety.

Days felt like hours as you two got adjusted to a new apartment, getting used to living with each other and getting to know the little things that you didn't get to know about each other just being around each other for hours.

Hours felt like days as you talked into the wee hours of the night, about how school was going, what your plans were for being adults, making pillow forts and having movie nights.

Time stopped entirely when Shuichi stood in front of you underneath the spring tree and asked you to be his, you didn't hesitate to accept, it had been just you two for the past three years and were already used to being around each other all of the time. Now you could finally show how much you loved him and give him affection without worry, just you and him, two people who escaped the spiral but still intertwined endlessly.

A/n: I'm so sorry for not putting this in the beginning a/n but in this au Kirie and Shuichi have never met, mostly for convinience but also cuz I didn't wanna break up my otp I feel like the story works better this way too because then I can write a scene where they find out what happened and can be glad that they got out before everything hit the fan. Anyways ope you guys liked the story :)

#fanfiction #cross posted on wattpad #cross posted on ao3 #shuichi saito #junji ito #uzumaki

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rudemaidenswrite · 2 years

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Return

Sam Wilson x Friend!Reader, Zemo x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Part 1

By : @pusantheamazonian

beta'd: @2cciberrylee

Standing at the top of the jet’s stairs, heavy bags in his hands. An irritated Bucky glances back at Sam.

"She's a kid. How is she going to help?" Growling the question out.

"We could use another set of eyes on Zemo. Besides, I've had her on a job before." Sam informs firmly.

Bucky enters the jet ignoring Zemo, sitting at the back. He throws the bags at the closest seat possible. "So in the process, we're going to make her a wanted criminal too. Good plan Sam, very fucking good one."

"Can you just go wait with him? I'll be back with her in a minute." Sam exasperatedly points to Zemo, making his way back down the steps.

An interesting turn of events. Zemo wonders exactly who you are. Since this is a different type of argument between Sam and James.

Waiting on the tarmac alone in the middle of nowhere. It's weird but Sam told you to wait here. So you stayed right here for hours awkwardly standing with just a backpack.

You're just excited to be working with him again. Since he joined the Avengers you've had hardly any time to hang out. Just the occasional text to let you know he's still alive.

Knowing that Bucky will also be there makes you jittery. During the last few months, you have developed a crush on him. This puzzled you because you didn't know how to express your feelings plus, couldn't exactly identify what drew you to him. Bucky is coming to terms with his own traumas; finding peace within himself, and starting to live his own life on his terms. So expressing your feelings of love or at least intense attraction will be too much for him to handle and he may reject you. On top of that, his body language is hard to read. A brick wall that you have to keep chipping at. That is why you prefer to enjoy every moment with him. You remember every detail about him; you miss the sounds of his voice and the feeling of his presence when he is gone.

“Y/N!"

Jolted out of your daydream, Sam is waving his hands in the air.

"Sam!" You are nearly jumping out of your skin when you see Sam cross the terminal to get you.

"It's good to see you." Sam wraps you in a big bear hug. The kind of hug that makes you feel safe and loved. He hugs you with his whole body making the hug warm and snuggly too.

"I've missed these hugs." Groaning you don't want it to end.

"Last chance to cash out. Are you sure you want to help? It's going to be dangerous."

Sam takes your backpack.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't see why you're being so secretive about needing my help. I've helped plenty of times with your projects." You bump into his arm on purpose.

"This is different. Bucky's waiting with our current project. We need his help but he's a liability." Trying not to frown, he's not happy about the arrangement.

"Oh. So you think he might make a break for it?"

"Something like that." Sam leads you up the stairs and into a private jet. "Meet our-"

"Y/N? Long time no see." Zemo smiles, interrupting Sam.

You recognize this voice from anywhere. Keeping your composure, you struggle forcing yourself to keep a blank face. You slowly turn to look and glare daggers into him. Your body doesn't know whether to cry or throw up from this confusion.

"You know each other?" Sam questions pointing at Zemo.

"We've met. Briefly." You give a slight frown trying to remain neutral. You can physically feel the cold glare from Bucky.

"Are you serious?" Surprised, Sam is having a hard time believing this.

"Unfortunately yes." Sighing you turn away from Zemo, making sure Sam has your full focus.

"I wouldn't say, unfortunately." Zemo chuckles.

"Quiet." Bucky growls.

"Is there any other bullshit I need to know besides this? How in the hell did he end up being with you?" Gesturing at Zemo. "Ain't he supposed to be underwater somewhere?"

"It's complicated. You can thank Bucky for that." Being childish Sam quickly points at Bucky.

Pinching the bridge of your nose. You quickly go over the pros and cons of just ditching them. But your loyalty to Sam and Bucky wins you over. This trip is going to be painful because either way Sam and Bucky are going to want to know how you know Zemo.

"Let's get this over with." Sighing you take your backpack back and toss it to the side and buckle in. Making sure to keep your distance.

God, you should have just stayed in bed.

What the fuck has happened? In a matter of hours the trio of untraceable got caught in their bullshit. Letting the whole island know of their presence. Beginning the reign of bounty hunters wanting their heads. And you are now part of that crossfire. Guess this is what Sam meant when he said it was going to be dangerous.

This wasn't the kind of bullshit you were expecting. This is way above your pay grade. But are you surprised? No. Should you be? Yes. Then to add to the bullshit. Sharon. Personally, you don't know her. The timing with her feels weird. But Sam seems excited? Happy? It's a weird situation. You feel jealous for some reason. Like she doesn't deserve his happiness but Sam is a happy person by nature.

Though Sharon brings the four of you to her place. Talking about this and that. Obviously trying to egg Sam and Bucky on about something. Bucky looks more pissed off than normal at the situation.

"I don't like her." Finally Sharon leaves and you can't help yourself.

"She did just save our lives." Sam sighs.

"So. That doesn't mean shit." Folding your arms, you're ready to list off all the reasons why. You can tell Sam is not liking your new attitude. Not that you can help it. Your nerves are shot and everyone is out to get them.

"Why? You don't know her." Sam groans.

"I don't know. Something just feels off about her. I can understand doing what you have to, to live here but it's not that. Feels like something worse."

"You should always go with your gut feeling." Zemo chimes in. The three of you just look at him.

"I'm going upstairs." Shaking your head you quickly disappear, trying to maintain distance from Zemo.

Watching you disappear Sam and Bucky surround Zemo before he can move.

"How do you know Y/N?" Sam stops him, a hand on his chest pushing Zemo back.

"Does it really matter to you?"

"Cut the crap. How?" Bucky snaps.

"Sorry gentleman. It is not my place to say." Zemo smugly grins.

Agreeing to go to Sharon's stupid party. You're perched in the corner, hiding your laugh behind a drink. You watch Zemo from a distance as he dances. That man still dances awkwardly. But you got to give him credit, he doesn't care if he's a bad dancer.

Speak of the devil. He's maneuvered his way through the crowd to your hiding spot.

"Care to dance?"

"No." Frowning, it's hard avoiding his gaze.

"It's a party, you should relax." Turning on the charm Zemo slides I to the seat beside you.

"You know I don't dance." Annoyed, you start swirling your drink.

In bold, brash Zemo fashion he snatches your drink and takes a sip. "How can you keep an eye on me if you are over here and not on the dance floor?"

"I can see just fine from here." Snatching your drink back.

"Are you sure?"

Smug bastard.

Groaning you know he's right. It would be easy for him to duck out of sight while on the dance floor. Finishing your drink you gesture for him to lead the way. Weaving through the crowd he stops in the middle of the dance floor.

"Are you sure you don't want to dance? You are very noticeable just standing there."

Irked, you start to mimic some of his dancing moves. Unenthusiastically bouncing from foot to foot.

"See Y/N. Dancing is fun." An almost genuine smile appears.

"You're just trying to annoy Sam and Bucky."

Zemo smirks, grabbing your hand and pulling you closer. An arm wraps around your waist, holding you close.

"The boys are getting suspicious. They asked how I knew you." He whispers in your ear before carefully spinning you in a circle.

"What?"

Before you can process what he said. Zemo is pulling you back in for another spin.

"Don't worry, too much frowning will cause wrinkles. I told them to ask you."

"How considerate."

"I always am."

Scoffing it feels like nothing has changed between you two. You don't know what makes you angrier; the complete ease of being near him again or the lack of true hatred for him because of the crimes he has done.

Underneath it all, the moment makes you homesick for what you had and what could have been.

Finally getting some useful information. Sam and Bucky loosely agree on a plan.

“Y/N you on lookout duty.” Sam orders.

“Okie dokie.” Saluting him you turn and head for higher ground with coverage.

Positioned atop a shipping container with binoculars. Scanning the area it seems quiet, too quiet. There's no one to be seen. Wouldn't even just a normal shipping yard have a few people roaming around?

“Shit!”

Out of nowhere there’s a fireball explosion off to the side. You can vaguely make out a masked man on top of a shipping container but through your binoculars you know that fucking fur collar coat anywhere.

Damn it Zemo. You're going to strangle him before this mission is done.

"Guys you have incoming and a fireball explosion." Radioing Sam and Bucky, you've lost sight of Zemo.

Making it to the ground you start running to the entrance. But you're intercepted by Zemo in a car. How did he have time to find a car?

"What the fuck was that?" You gesture at the fire still blazing high.

"Don't worry about it Y/N. All part of the plan." Dismissing your question, he leans over to open the door.

“Part of the plan? Creating a giant explosion was part of the plan?”

“Yes. Now if you will get in the car we have to pick up Sam and James.”

Against your better judgement you sit down in the front seat next to him. "Where did you steal the car from?"

"I found it. As they say finders keepers." Smirking, he gives a wink.

"You're ridiculous, I hope you know that." With a scoff you close the door.

"You mean sophisticated and eccentric."

"Not what I would have chosen." Mumbling, you root through the glove box. Trying to find any indication of who this car really belongs to but that's a dead end. There's nothing in it. Meaning he’s already thought about that or there never was anything in it.

"There they are!" Pointing up ahead you can see Sam and Bucky looking confused.

"Hello gentlemen. Do you need a ride?"

"Where did you get a car?" Both shouting in unison as Zemo puts the car in park.

"Don't ask." Rolling your eyes, you wave the question off before Zemo can speak. That's a conversation that doesn't need repeating."Just get in."

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daydreamgoddess14 · 11 months

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My bad habits lead to you pt. 2

MASTERLIST

Sequel to We lie awake in love and fear

From a prompt by @lilacmermaid25:

5 times Ted returns from Kansas for a wedding, one time he returns 'just because'.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Nate and Jade - April 2024

Nate had insisted on a small, intimate wedding with only their closest friends and family. They decided on the registry office on Wandsworth high street followed by a reception at Le Gothique. Jade's family had travelled from Poland for the occasion and everyone was in high spirits. Rebecca was grateful to be able to get ready in her own home. She'd opened the house up to the Higgins', Trent, Beard, Jane and baby Teddy, Roy and Keeley to meet up for brunch before making the journey into South London. Ted was booked in at Mae’s b&b and was also planning to join them and she'd extended the invitation to any of the team and staff. She’d arranged catering from the little bakery in paved court - bagels, smoked salmon, pastries, fruit platters. She made bucks fizz and alperol spritz en mass, happily pottering around in a simple spring dress. Her dress for the wedding itself hung on the back of the bathroom door, but everyone else had arrived dressed up and ready to go. It was mornings like this which had her questioning how she'd allowed Rupert to ever turn her into such a cold, anti social, heartless woman. She hadn't been like that before him, and she was definitely glad to be rid of those traits now she was rid of him. From the depths of the fridge (looking for avocados), she heard a happy cheer go up in her sitting room. Ted. She guessed with a happy smile. As nice as he was, Matt didn't invoke that reaction from any of the group.

"Hey Rebecca! What did the mayo say when you opened the fridge?"

"Close the door, I'm dressing." Came the distant reply.

"God, I wish you were."

"That's not the punchline, Ted." She emerged successfully.

"You're never the punchline, beautiful."

"You should stop flirting."

"Why, your boyfriend around?"

"Not today, he's in Amsterdam for a few days."

"Well then consider me flirtin' with you for the rest of the day then. Maybe tomorrow as well. Actually, heck just whenever we're alone. And sometimes when we're not."

"At this rate Ted you'll be flirting 24/7."

"How 'bout a blanket 'whenever I'm in the UK'?" She shook her head, throwing an indulgent smile his way.

"It's lovely to see you. You're looking very handsome." She moved away from the fridge to step into his arms. He held her tightly.

"You look gorgeous."

"Thank you. I'm just going to have a snuggle with baby Teddy and then I'm going to get changed for the wedding."

"I'm sure there's a dirty joke there but I'm not gonna take the bait."

"Wise move, Lasso."

"Ohh. You last naming me now?"

"I seem to recall you doing the same thing a couple of times."

"Slightly different circumstances."

"Just very slightly." She said with a knowing grin, leaving him to pick some brunch. When he joined her a few minutes later with a plate, he perched on the arm of the sofa next to Leslie. Rebecca had squeezed in next to Keeley to cuddle Teddy.

3 months old and all cheeks, he was a calm and placid baby. It had been the hardest task, welcoming a baby into her life. She hadn't been close to a baby since Nora, she met Phoebe, Henry and Jelka as precocious pre-teens. She'd had the occasional coffee with Bex, who usually brought Diane, but Teddy was the first baby. Babies were harder for her, she'd realised quite quickly. The smell and weight of them in her arms had moved her more than she expected. She'd cut her first visit short, unable to maintain her facade for long. She'd spent many late nights on the phone to Ted, taking a while to open up about the full reason for the calls but once she'd come clean he'd spend hours helping her unpick how she felt and things she should do to open up a corner of her heart for Teddy. She hadn't considered how freeing it would be to let him in on her hardest secret. How much it would help. He watched her so intently as she balanced little Teddy on her knees, giving him wide smiles and making patterns in the air with her fingers for him to marvel at. He knew how she struggled with missing out on having a baby of her own, but he was also mesmerised with the way she managed those feelings and allowed herself to love her friends children.

"We should think about getting over to Wandsworth." Leslie said, checking his watch.

"I need to change, and Ted needs to meet Teddy." Rebecca shared a look with Jane who seemed quite happy to have the use of both of her hands for a change and nodded for Rebecca to pass Teddy to his uncle Ted. Rebecca moved away quite quickly, she knew she couldn't avoid it forever but she also wasn't ready to see Ted holding a tiny baby. He watched her hurry upstairs, desperate to follow and check in with her, but equally desperate to love his new nephew-of-sorts. In the scrimmage of getting coats, shoes, finishing drinks etc, Teddy took the time to initiate his uncle Teddy by spitting up on the shoulder of his shirt. Ted gratefully let Keeley clean it up as much as she could, thankfully his suit jacket hid the worst of it.

"I'll go see if Rebecca is ready to go." He volunteered, handing Teddy over to Beard. He took the stairs two at a time, reminded of the layout from his previous visit. The room he'd stayed in had been decorated with rainbow colours he noted on his way past. Jelka, he reasoned. They didn't talk much about Matt and Jelka, preferring to exist in a bubble which consisted of their shared found family only. Ted didn't want to consider a time when that found family might have to extend. "Hey Becca, you ready?" He knocked softly at her door, she was across the room putting in earrings and trying to step into her shoes at the same time. "You could do one thing at a time?"

"I don't want to be late, are we still OK for time?"

"We got plenty, don't worry. You ok?"

"Yeah, how was Teddy?"

"Threw up on me."

"Badge of honour. Also, you probably deserved it."

"I'm hurt, how'd you figure that?"

"Because a little birdy tells me that you're dating someone in Kansas."

"Ah."

"Hmm. You weren't going to tell me?"

"I was, I just wasn't sure when. Or how. And there's something I needed to do first." He crowded her in her bedroom doorway as she went to leave, the bustle and laughter from downstairs filtering up to them.

"What's that then?" She queried, feeling her chest tighten at his sudden proximity. His hand moved to the hip of her wrap dress, where the split skirt opened up. He flicked his wrist to get underneath the fold of the skirt, catching her eye for the briefest second to seek permission. She nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady herself just in time - his fingers slipped her underwear to one side and he pushed two inside her, curling them just so. She gasped and he leaned in to kiss her.

"Shhh baby, don't want the rabble to hear ya. You gonna keep quiet for me?" She nodded, resting her head in the crook of his neck. His hand rocked against her clit, his fingers fucking her as she moaned quietly into his collar.

"Fuck, Ted I-"

"I know baby, I've got you. I needed to see you like this again, I always need to see you like this. Sometimes, thinking of you like this is the only thing that gets me through the day."

"Come on, you two!" Keeley's voice shouted out. Rebecca froze, but Ted didn't stop. He pressed his palm harder into her clit and kept his fingers moving inside her.

"Just coming Keeley, Rebecca had to switch shoes." Rebecca was just coming, she wobbled against him, moaning into his ear. He held her hip a little tighter, "Come on, baby, you got it."

"She's got too many pairs! If only I didn't have such teeny feet!"

"She's chosen some now, it's like Sarah Jessica Parker's closet up here!" He called out with a smile as Rebecca came down from her earth shattering high. She hit his bicep, barely any true strength behind it. He took his hand away, going to lick his fingers, but she grabbed his wrist and licked them herself while holding his gaze. She straightened her dress and steadied herself in her shoes.

"Do I look OK?" She asked, concerned that she'd be caught out as soon as she got downstairs. He reached out to brush her hair from her forehead and placed a warm kiss on her lips."You look beautiful." She breezed down the stairs, sweeping her coat from the coatstand as she hustled her gathered friends through the front door to the waiting selection of cars. If Leslie noticed her hands shaking in the car, he didn't say anything. She was grateful when Ted jumped in the car behind with Keeley and Roy.

Nate's family were incredibly warm and welcoming considering they received three cars and ten people all at once. Once they made it through to the ceremony room, the reason became clear - they'd just received 22 footballers, their plus ones and a selection of support staff. A group of ten was nothing. At the front of the room, Nate stood alongside Will. Keeley and Rebecca blew him kisses as they made their way down the aisle to their seats. They exchanged hushed greetings with the team and all sat, except Ted, who went to shake Nate’s hand warmly. They shared a quick moment before Ted was encouraged into the empty seat next to Rebecca just in time for the ceremony. Rebecca brushed a stray tear or two from her face as the couple exchanged rings, Ted squeezed her hand. The functional service was short, and they were soon driving ten minutes down the road to the reception venue.

"I want to hear about her you know?" Rebecca told him once they were settled with a drink in the spring sunshine.

"Who?"

"Who," she scoffed, "your mystery woman. I cannot believe you didn't tell me. I had to find out from Keeley. You can’t distract me here, so you might as well tell me."

"I'm sorry 'bout that, I really am."

"The distraction? Don't be."

"Oh no, I'm never gonna be sorry for that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We don't talk about Matt, and that's fine - I don't really want to, I wasn't sure if you'd feel the same way. I know you've struggled with what happened between us the last time I was here, and I've probably made it worse with what happened earlier-"

"I know it's… wrong. I do. And I care very much for Matt, I just can’t help but think of the night before your last match. I can't help it." She stole a glance around the gardens, hoping they weren't being overheard. "I feel so guilty, but then when you're here, I just feel relief. I'm not sure how long I can carry the guilt around with me."

"Do you love him?"

"You're really asking me that?"

"No. I don't want to know the answer." She rolled her eyes.

"And yet here's me, asking to hear about the woman you're dating."

"Her name is Marie. She works in Sports Science."

"Where did you meet?"

"At one of Hen's matches. She's a parent of one of the other kids in the team."

"Is she nice to you?"

"She is. She's fun, smart."

"Pretty?" Rebecca chanced.

"Very."

"Do you love her?".

"It's early days." Rebecca stared at him.

"So earlier was…? For old times sake? You ask if I love Matt, but you're awfully cagey when I ask the same question."

"No, no, I wanted you, Rebecca."

"Wanted? Hmm. I think I've heard enough. I'm going to find Keeley." Rebecca turned to leave.

"Now hold on, you can't get mad that I'm dating. You've been with Matt for nearly a year. You're not mad at me, you're mad at yourself for cheating on him."

"Don't tell me what you think you know about me, Ted. This isn't biscuits with the fucking boss anymore." She looked away, too angry to look directly at him. "You know exactly what you do to me, exactly what effect you have on me. This isn't a game, I'm fed up of you fucking me one day and being over 4000 miles away the next. One night, I said. A weird parting gift for myself, so I'd always know how you'd feel against me, inside me. One night and then never again." She shook her head. "I mean it this time, never again."

She spent the rest of the night ignoring him as much as possible. She danced with Keeley for the majority of the night, some of the players too, Roy - as usual. Despite the angry words with Ted, she did have a good night. Nate and Jade were gloriously happy, Trent kept her topped up with gin as if he knew she was trying to keep her thoughts at bay. She hadn't felt this grateful for her family since Ted had left them nearly a year before, when they'd rallied around each other and pulled each other along until they could all stand upright again.

"He has no idea what he's doing to us all, coming back and reminding us all of how much we love him and then he leaves again like it's nothing! Like we don't even fucking matter to him!" She said to Trent, beginning to regret the last drink she knocked back.

"Do you want me to get him, so you can talk?"

"Absolutely not, I've had far too much to drink. I think I need to go home, Trent. Thank you."

"Anytime. Come, I'll walk you out, have you called your driver?"

"Yes, he should be here. I just need to say goodbye to Nate and Jade." Rebecca gratefully took Trent’s arm, she wasn't embarrassingly drunk, but she felt ever so slightly beyond her limit given that she was a fairly prominent public figure. The last thing she needed now was photos of 'Wrecked Rebecca' splashed across the front pages. She put on her game face and let Trent escort her around the room, saying her goodbyes to the team and their partners, who all stopped whatever they were doing to sling an arm around her, or offer her a kiss. She spent slightly longer with Colin and Michael and Sam and Simi, she was enveloped in a group hug by Keeley, Roy and Jamie. Keeley had made plans with Simi for a team meal after the match on Sunday while they had Ted visiting. From the edge of it all, with baby Teddy asleep on his shoulder, Ted watched as the team surrounded their 'soccer mom' with love. The very reason she could never leave, the very reason he'd never ask her to. Richmond had gained reputation as a team who (after the Jamie Tartt to Man City and Zava debacles) seldom moved players on without good reason, a team where players were vocal about not wanting to leave. They weren't a pitstop team, they valued consistency and loyalty, and the loyalty went both ways. He loved watching her like this, her guard down as she made sure her boys were all ok, had they organised cars home? Had they got house keys? Had they eaten? Forever taking care of everyone else ahead of herself. He watched as she made her way to the new Mr & Mrs Shelley, complimenting Nate on his wonderful bride who suited him so brilliantly. She came over to say goodbye to Beard and Jane, gently stroking Teddy's head where it rested on Ted’s shoulder. She murmured a quiet goodnight in his direction and left. Trent returned moments later.

"How is she?" Ted asked, warily.

"She finds it difficult to see you. We all do, Ted. Events like this, where you're here, remind us of the missing piece in our day to day lives. When you're here, it's like we're a complete unit again. By Monday morning, we'll all be one card short of a full deck again."

"Come on now Trent, I already told you - it was never about me."

"And that may well be true, it's about everyone. Everyone, including you."

"He's right, Coach." Beard offered. "You're the Yorkshire pudding to our roast dinner, the lime slice in our gin, the salt to our tequila. It all works fine without you, but it's a lot better with you."

"I miss you guys too. There's a lot more of you, feels like I'm missing more pieces if I'm honest. It's like I've got a person for every situation here. Back in Kansas, it's just not the same."

The hangovers were fortunately in short supply the next morning. It was a short training day - a Saturday before a Sunday lunchtime match kick off. Ted was staying until the Monday morning flight out of Heathrow. He'd planned to spend the Saturday watching training and then with whoever else had made plans to pull him into their busy Saturday. In this instance, it was Roy, Keeley and Jamie who'd insisted that he join them at Phoebe's school fayre for the afternoon.

"Bring your wallet, the school will fuckin' rinse you for every penny." Roy suggested.

"I tell you what, two quid on the bouncy castle, a fiver for a hotdog, ice creams, tombolas, hook a duck… I spent £50 last time! I'm sure between us we paid for that new school library!" Keeley laughed with him in the stands while the lads ran drills on the pitch. "Roy donated three signed footballs to the raffle, and I'm sure he bunged them a couple of grand as well."

"He's a good benefactor for them."

"It's a lovely afternoon, Rebecca said she might join us for an ice cream as well. Phoebe's properly taken a shine to her recently. I think as she's getting older, seeing her mum, me and Rebecca being boss ass bitches is really helping her find her place in the world."

"Well that's great news, it's good for kids to have such strong role models."

"And Henry, he's got you. And he's got all of us here."

"Not sure I'm the best role model for him right now, but thanks Keels."

"You're one of the best men I know, Ted. I mean, you do make some odd decisions but then so do those lot." She shrugged, pointing down to the pitch.

The school playground was packed, there was no shade and it was a hot day. There were craft stalls, cakes, sweets, a dance troop, and a community band. Ted walked with Jamie a few steps behind Roy and Keeley, with Phoebe leading them all though the maze of people, occasionally sticking her hand out for more cash. They were stood in the longest line for the ice cream van when the crowd seemed to part like the red sea for Rebecca who breezed through in a beautiful sundress, wide brimmed hat and large glasses. Keeley whistled at the sight.

"Holy shi-..rts Rebecca!"

"Afternoon all. Are you in the queue?"

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"99 please, Roy. Here, I'll get these. I bet Phoebe's fleeced you already." She handed him some cash and leaned down to look at the glittery face paint Phoebe had chosen which was rapidly sweating off her face. "You look like a mermaid! It's beautiful!"

"You should have yours done too!"

"Maybe next time. Have you been on the trampolines yet?" Phoebe shook her head. "Hmm, maybe a bit later. You both having fun?" She asked Ted and Jamie.

"Yeah, they've roped me into doing a penalty shootout later." Jamie faux complained.

"Ya didn't seem too put out by that, Jamie. Mind those kids don't beat you though, you might get bumped from the team." Ted teased. He handed Rebecca her ice cream and gestured towards a space which had opened up in the shade of the building. She led Phoebe to claim the spot and the others followed. They enjoyed the sun all afternoon before decamping to the Crown and Anchor for the evening. Keeley in particular, it seemed, was out to remind Ted of what he was missing out on.

"Where are you watching the match tomorrow, Ted? You're coming up to the box aren't you? You've never sat with us for a game."

"Was thinking I might sit in the stands."

"You can't do that! You're a super special guest, you should have the best seat in the house. Isn't that right, Rebecca?" Rebecca felt a sharp jab to her ribs,

"Ouch, fuck, Keeley! Of course Ted can sit with us, he can sit wherever he likes! I'm the owner, I can sit wherever I like."

"Ohhh I know where you'd like to sit." Keeley replied under her breath. She didn't think the rest of the table had heard the sunstruck, slightly drunk Keeley, until Ted spluttered into his pint.

The next day dawned cooler, thankfully. Nelson Road was in good spirits, the team were 5th in the table with 4 games still to go so another chance in the Champions League was looking within grasp. It was the oddest feeling sitting with Ted next to her. They hadn't spoken alone since Nate's wedding reception, Rebecca reverting back to her default protection method of keeping a buffer person around them at all times. She, Keeley and Leslie were their usual boisterous selves during the game, jumping up and screaming bloody murder when Colin had a shot on target which was saved by the keeper. When Richmond were awarded a penalty late in the game, she found herself holding Ted's hands in hers while Keeley buried her face into Leslie’s shoulder. Jamie passed the ball to Dani to take the shot. When the goal went in, the roof nearly came off the stadium. Rebecca was on her feet instantly throwing her arms around Ted's neck.

The win meant a jubilant atmosphere at Ola's that evening. Simi had outdone herself, the food and wine were perfect. Rebecca smiled fondly as Simi put Sam to work, he looked so enamoured with the young chef. Across the room, Keeley and Roy were talking privately, heads together. Rebecca could see that Ted was on the phone.

"Yeah OK, we'll catch up when I get back in a few days. OK, you take care. Bye." He hung up as she took the seat next to him at the huge table set out for everyone.

"The wonderful Marie?"

"Just checking in with her. I missed her call earlier."

"Sounds pretty serious between you both."

"Says you coming up on nearly a year with Matt." Rebecca tapped the stem of her wine glass.

"I wouldn't place bets on my meeting any upcoming milestones."

"That so?" She didn't reply.

"I'd get another flight booked soon if I were you." She said instead. Ted looked confused, she nodded towards Roy and Keeley. "That'll be the next one."

"You think?"

"Just a feeling. I could be wrong."

"Not in my lifetime."

"Oh, I don't know. I've made some terrible mistakes."

"So you've said."

"None of them involving you, though."

"Not even everything we talked about on Friday?"

"Nothing about you - hiring you, sleeping with you, loving you, none of it will ever be a mistake." This time, he didn't reply. "I hope she knows how lucky she is, this Marie. I hope she loves you for exactly who you are. I hope she's worthy of you. Because I'm yet to find anyone who is." She smiled softly at him and walked away to catch up with Julie Higgins. They had a wonderful night, they always did when everyone was together. Late into the evening, Keeley and Roy pulled Rebecca to one side.

"Can you keep a straight face?" Roy demanded.

"I was married to Rupert. Of course I can. What's happened?"

"Nothing bad," Keeley started, "Roy and I have decided to get married." Rebecca squealed quietly but kept a total poker face. "In 10 weeks."

"Why the rush?"

"We wanted to have a surprise wedding in the summer break before the new season starts. We're going to get everyone there by disguising it as Roy's 40th."

"So why do I have to know?"

"Because neither of us can keep a secret from you! Also, we want you to officiate?"

"You want what?!" Rebecca shouted, eyes swiveled to see what the fuss was. She smiled and waved their looks away, "Sorry, Roy wants us to ermm… do a ermmm…"

"Nude charity calendar for next year! All of you and Rebecca as well." Keeley supplied. Rebecca agreed with a tight smile.

"Yep. Yep, that's it." A handful of cheers and whoops went up around the room and everyone went back to business. Ted raised his eyebrows and went back to talking to Leslie. "You want me to do what?" She hissed.

"You wouldn't be a maid of honour, you'll tell me you're too old."

"You won't be my best woman, you'll fob me off with one of these knobs instead."

"So we wanted a role for you which shows exactly what you mean to us. We want you to marry us. Also we want you to sing our wedding dance song, but I felt like I should lead with the legal bit. You have to apply for the license so we needed to tell you straight away." Keeley beamed adoringly at her best friend.

"Will you do it, blondie?" She sighed.

"Of course I will you fucking idiots. I'd be honoured." Her bottom lip wobbled slightly.

"Keep it together, big secret remember." Roy hugged her gratefully. She nodded.

"I guess I'll see you in my office in the morning?" Keeley nodded,

"Oh, looks like Ted is off." He made his way over, poised for a goodbye. "Time to go already, Ted?"

"Sure is. At least I got to see y'all for a bit longer this time."

"You'll be back again before you know it." Keeley said with a twinkle.

"I'm sure I will. Bye guys, you take care." He made his way round with hugs and kisses, reaching Rebecca last. "See you soon," he started before holding her tightly and whispering into her ear, "I swear it gets harder to leave you. Goodnight Becca." He kissed under her earlobe, warmth spread through her body like wildfire and before he could move away, he heard her wimper. He gave her a last look before calling out and waving to everyone else.

She lasted 10 minutes before she left as we'll, passing it off as being a late night and expecting a busy Monday. She caught Mae just as the front of the pub was getting locked up.

"You can go up through the bar, love. He's not long got back. You'll have to leave out the back though - that's the out of hours b&b door. Room 6."

"Thanks, Mae."

"Good result today."

"It was indeed. Shame you can't come to a match, you'll have to leave this place in safe hands and come spend a day in the owners box with me."

"I'd love to darlin', but I don't trust none of those wankers with my pub on match day!" The elder woman replied with a laugh. Rebecca crept upstairs, not wanting to disturb other guests. If he was surprised to see her, he didn't show it. He just held the door open and stepped behind her to close it quietly again. She pushed him back against the door, pressing her body against him.

"I thought you said-" she silenced him with a kiss, biting his bottom lip, requesting access. He granted it, letting her deepen the kiss as her hands trailed to the bottom of his t-shirt. She slipped her hands underneath and tickled her fingertips across his stomach.

"If you don't want this, say so now and I'll leave." She could feel him hardening against her and palmed him over his khakis, making him groan into her mouth. "This ok?" She asked, pulling back a little. He nodded and she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, don't stop." He understood the silent request. She pulled his t-shirt off first before moving to undo his belt. She got to her knees in front of him, pulling the khakis and his boxers down as she went. She took his hard length in hand, running her thumb over the tip. He bucked against her and she grinned up at him. "Jesus, fuck Rebecca."

"Something wrong?" She stroked him slowly, taking her time.

"Seeing you like this, I ain't gonna last long baby-" She ignored him and carried on before running her tongue along the underside of his cock. His head fell back against the door, hands clenched at his sides. Once she'd taken him fully into her mouth and found her rhythm, she moved her hands from the front of his thighs to hold his hands, unclenching the fists and giving him a reassuring squeeze. She guided his hands to her head, moaning around him in response to his pleasure. It didn't take long for him to run a hand through her hair and give it a gentle pull. She pulled off, the sound an obscene pop. "Please, Becca, I want you." He offered her a hand so she could get up. He went to undo the buttons of her dress but she batted his hands away, shaking her head. Instead she guided him to the sofa and pushed him to sit down. She took a step back and unhooked the buttons herself, pulling the dress over her head and leaving her only in lingerie before him. She straddled his lap, moving her underwear to one side.

"I thought of you when I brought this set." She admitted, sliding down onto him. He held her hips, letting her set the pace. "Everytime I come, I think about you." She ground her hips down, moaning with the relief of finally having him inside her again. His hands roamed her back, unclipping her bra and then pulling her closer. Her hands dragged up his chest, winding around his neck and up to pull his hair. "I thought I had my feelings for you locked away enough so that they'd never get out." He couldn't take his eyes off her as she rocked down into him, inviting him deeper and deeper. "You've fucking wrecked me, Ted-" she continued with a groan "I just need you. I only ever need you."

"You got me baby, fuck Becca you feel so good." He bit into the soft flesh of her shoulder and roughly palmed her nipple as she increased her pace but held him tighter, the friction and angle turning her confessions into babbling expletives until his name over and over was the only coherent sound.

"Ted-" she whined frantically, begging him to save her, release her.

"Come on now sweetheart, come for me." He caught her mouth in a filthy kiss, wrapped an arm around her waist and met her thrusts, holding her in place and helping her stuttering hips get her through to her peak. She came with a sob, returning his kiss and continued riding his cock until he came into her moments later. She came to a gradual stop and fell against him. They sat still for a few minutes, her forehead on his shoulder, breathing steadying. She felt him soften inside her and brought herself up onto her knees to move off the sofa. He held her hands until she settled on her shaky legs. "Will you stay?" He asked quietly.

"No, Ted. Not this time." She cleared up quickly and left him at the top of the stairs, "I'll see you in a few months." He looked confused, "Roy and Keeley are getting married. Don't tell anyone. I'm not supposed to tell anyone but apparently I can't keep secrets from you any more." She rolled her eyes and snuck out the back as Mae had requested.

Ted didn't sleep before his 6am flight back to Kansas.

#ted lasso #tedbecca #ted and rebecca #tedlassoedit #ted lasso s3 #rebecca x ted #rebecca welton #ted lasso fic #ted lasso fanfiction

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