#what he does with that pain depends on his reasoning for the breakup

[mppmaraudergirl]

If james broke up with lily in 7th year, would he get depressed and try to win her back?

I think it depends on the reason, but I wrote a version of this I still very much enjoy: We Can Still Be Friends

#generally speaking i think james would be destroyed by a break up in every circumstance #what he does with that pain depends on his reasoning for the breakup

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Yet another average day in Family Video:

"Hey. Remember when you said that you'd totally fuck Jonathan."

"When...? Oh, yeah. What the fuck that was literally a month ago why are you mentioning that now?"

"Because that was the same conversation we decided to get the matching tramp stamps. And trying to hide those from my parents is a literal pain in the ass. Pun fully intended. I can't even sit straight and-"

"I'd say you can't do anything straight"

"Not like I can do anything str- fuck you"

Steve swaggers to the back and takes out the whiteboard they purchased together - on ROBIN'S SUGGESTION may he add.

"Can't believe you're losing in your own game. About bad jokes. And being gay. Which are basically your two only personality traits."

Robin's side is embarrassingly empty. He sees it as cosmic karma for her you-suck-game during their scoops ahoy era.

"Alright mister little bitch"

"And yet, this little bitch is beating you in your own game"

Robin shows him the finger. Steve bites the finger because he is a little shit and things like boundaries and personal space have already lost all meaning between the two of them.

In this moment the front doors open. The elderly man takes one look at the scene before him and leaves without a word.

"Where did the Jonathan thing come from?"

"Dunno. I was bored. Thought it'd be funny to see you go through a gay crisis."

"Not much of a crisis if I already admitted to it."

"You're no fun."

"Really? That was not what my dad said three months ago. According to him I am a fucking joke."

"Coming from Harrington Senior that's honestly a compliment"

"Please remind me of that the next time I radio you at 3 am. Who is on tape duty?"

"I did it last time."

"Alright" Steve nods towards the small pile of romcoms they have pointedly not been reshelving for the last half an hour. "Enjoy your alone time in the romance section."

"Do you think it would be an invasion of privacy if we checked who returned all that? It was either an epic girls night of an awful breakup." Her voice gets fainter as she moves to the back of the store.

"Nah. We're in the land of the free or whatever. Wait, let me do it"

"You're only saying that so you can procrastinate asshole"

"Does that mean you don't want to know who took them? Because I promise you, you really really do."

"Don't ask if you already know the answer dingus"

"Guess"

"Ummm....power bottom."

"What?"

"Like with Jonathan. Would you rather he call the shots or the other way around?"

She makes a series of incomprehensible movements that are probably supposed to represent intercourse between two men.

"This is the reason god made you a lesbian"

"And thank him for that. Amen."

"Why are you so obsessed with Jonathan anyway."

"You're deflecting"

"Yeah sure, I am deflecting. C'mon, Buckley. Resume or later?"

"Who was the one who took all the romcoms?"

"If I tell you, will you tell me what's really going on?"

"Depends on your answer."

"I thought you weren't interested in my sex life? Every time-"

In this moment the door opens again. Two girls come in, arm in arm. One is wearing a look that can only be described as disgust, the other is clearly trying to hold in laughter with moderate success.

Over the course of many painful months of customer service (plus surviving an interrogation by the actual Russian secret service) Steve and Robin have developed the ability to hold entire conversations without speaking a single word. It is a very neat talent to have when they want to make fun of someone right in front of them. It is less neat when he is the target.

Robin raises her brows. C'mon dingus, tell these random ass girls about your sex life since you're so proud of it.

Steve frowns in response. Yeah, sure Mrs. Never Even Had A First Kiss.

Robin narrows her eyes. I did have a first kiss. Even if it was absolutely horrible.

Steve puts on his most insufferable expression. You yourself said that it doesn't count. No need to be so jealous Buckley.

Robin rolls her eyes. Alright, I want to see you trying to find a-

"Do you have ET?", Robin doesn't say because, oh yeah, they've got actual customers.

Steve solemnly informs them that ET is current out of stock, but that it should be returned in two days. Robin somehow manages to force her last two movies upon them. They leave with a dazed look on their face that Steve can relate to. Sometimes Robin will start talking and the next thing you know you have a tramp stamp.

"Tommy Hagan"

Robin looks absolutely disgusted. "Tommy Hagan?! You would kiss Tommy Hagan? And then you have the audacity to make fun of my taste in women?!"

"First of all: me and Hagan? Been there done that." Robin looks as if her entire worldview was just flipped upside down. "Second: probably not, he uses a bit too much tongue for my liking. I mean that Tommy Hagan was the one who rented all the romcoms"

Robin takes a moment to process this information. Then she dramatically falls to the floor and squirms around in laughter like a bug on its back trying to get up again. Truly a drama kid through and through.

"And thirdly: for your information, I super could make out with Jonathan Byers. Unlike you, I've got game"

"You don't mean gay-me?"

Steve rolls his eyes and takes out the whiteboard again. He is still in the lead.

"And also, excuse you, I totally could make out with Nancy if I wanted to, okay?! I'm just not a homewrecker unlike some other people"

"Excuse me? I was the one who was cheated on?!"

"I'm insulting your taste, dingus"

"Rich coming from you, since we apparently share the same one"

For a moment she looks confused. Then she thinks back to what she said. Steve can pinpoint the exact moment she realizes it.

"Is this the reason you want me to be into Jonathan so bad? Because you're into Nancy?" Steve feels like a smug cat when her entire upper body grows red.

"Shut up she's just pretty okay?!"

"And badass. Don't forget badass."

"Oh my god I know. Ever since I saw her shooting I haven't been able to get her out of my mind."

"Right?! And as if that isn't enough, she has to go and be smart too! Like, c'mon, she has to have some faults. Some downsides. Nobody is that prefect!"

"Oh my god I know! And-"

They continue like that for a while. Time runs away from them and suddenly Hellfire Club is over and Steve's kids (minus Max, he notes with a heavy heart) are barging into the place as if they own it, for no reason other than to be absolute menaces.

"And like. Robin. She was so hot in that moment. I swear to-"

"Who are you talking about?". Steve is used to Dustin being a rude little shit and automatically answers without even thinking about it. "Nancy."

He realizes his mistake too late. He looks up. Mike's eyes are wide in horror. "I hate you so fucking much" he says before turning around and leaving.

Robin sighs. "I guess that is the downside."

-> the tramp stamp conversation

-> gatekeeping 101

-> breaking out of a heteronormative mindset

#an average day in family video #btw the reason mike is so mad #is bc he has a crush on steve that he refuses to acknowledge<3 #and yes i am on the steve carol and tommy had a weird lowkey toxic and obsessive relationship with each other #robin buckley #steve harrington #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stonathan #stobin #ronance #stranger things drabble #stranger things #platonic soulmates #platonic with a capital p #pen. #tommy hagan #stancy #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction

[astroyongie]

Hello Yongie can I request how would bts and astro react to there long time partner breaking up with them plssss

Note: Please send me another ask with he Astro request ! <33. Also this is based on their astro charts !

BTS Reaction To Their S/O Breaking Up With Them

RM

He would take it very badly to be honest

Firstly because he thought you were loyal to him

So he basically takes the breakup as if you weren't loyal

He probably turns the situation against you

Might get self destructive

And he probably thinks of a way of getting it back to you

Because no matter the reason you both break up, he will blame you

Emotionally he is reckless

He probably tries to get to other people so he can forget about what happened

Does really stupid things to forget about his pain

Goes out a lot with his friends as well

It's just something he won't be able to process very well

He would need a lot of time

Jin

He probably starts by pretending he doesn't care

But he will try to figure what went wrong

To see if it was his fault or yours, or both

He gets very cold, very stoic and close

He doesn't know how to deal with pain very well

His only reaction is to listen

To stay quiet

To ignore and just let you do whatever you want

But he will make sure to get all his stuff back

On his heart he is raging

There's a lot of red energies

He probably gets very agressive, very angry during the first days

It shall pass, but he will need to let go of his feelings first

Suga

The break up wouldn't go well

The venus Aries in addiction to a cancer Mars isn't a good placement

He probably gets violent during the whole thing

He raises his voices

Gets manipulator about the situation, tries to blame things on you

Wouldn't be surprised if he broke something around

He gets selfish and hurtful with his words

But at the end he lets you go while still blaming you about the whole process

Wouldn't want to see you ever again, even if it's your decision

He tries to rationalize his own feelings once he his alone

He would judge both himself and you

See the flaws and how things went wrong

But he would be prideful to recognize it's his fault

JHope

He doesn't really have an opinion about the fact you are breaking up

He will tell himself that it's your decision and you do whatever you want

But he will be crying for sure

Because he will see your relationship as something very deep with emotional connection and he can't understand why you are breaking it

Probably plays the whole victim card without doing anything about it

But he tries to be empathic and respect your choice

he wants you to still have a good image of him

internally he hates you for sure

Because he doesn't understand your decision

And he will hold grudge and blame you for what happened

Internally he still thinks you are his in a way

And that you will never be someone else

Jimin

He is a little like RM

meaning he will take the whole thing on his heart

He won't be able to accept it so easily

Probably gets on denial

And he will definitely think about revenge depending on the reason why you both broke up

Self destructive

That's because he can hurt the reason of this whole mess

Unconsciously will blame himself then

But he holds a lot of grudges against you

Emotionally he is lost

He will be crying and laughing at the next minutes

All his emotions are confusing and he would need time

Probably tells lies to others about you story

But he process the story on his own vision and thought of it

V

The way he doesn't even care

During the whole process he is just so emotionless

That you might wonder if he ever really had feelings for you

He will be extremely chaotic with his emotions

Saying things that doesn't even have sense

Or acting out of his control

He just doesn't know how to feel about the whole situation

But he certainly ain't making you stay either

Plus he also has a lot of anger inside of his heart

He might get extremely selfish about the whole situation

Asking things from you in order to finish the story (like getting a old present he gave you)

Might hurt people around him due to his recklessness

Jungkook

He would be lost of words

Still it's your decision but it would be hard for him

Probably asks you to stay

Because he is slightly dependent of you and of the relationship

And the thought of losing that stability is hard for him

He doesn't accept the concept of "losing something"

On his mind he is the one rejecting not the way around

so it's definitely complicated for him

His ego and pride are hurt

And he gets very dramatic about it

Even to people outside, he will tell whatever version he prefers

But you hurt his heart too so yeah

You aren't the best memory that he will keep

Will make the situation about him

#bts #bts astrology #bts headcanons #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts blurbs

[scalamore]

Ch 111 Tappy Ver

Mostly nitpicking instead of actual errors. "But I could never forgive you for running away from me" --> Tappy added a "never", but its ok. "Your majesty, please don't try to possess me"---> technically the word "possess" also means own/have.. Idk, I think possess is a bit weird because normally in English one would think possessing as 'taking over someone's body' like other otome isekai series... but means the same thing. "Are you going to kill her heart so that she's like a zombie."? --> I think it's weird to use the word "zombie", since it's the wrong genre lol. But as the original describes "being alive but not living", sure, this can be used.. just weird. "wooo... wooooo" --> this is an actual error; it's actually Eva calling out "Ruuuuu... Ruuuuu". Rupert's basically being triggered by those memories of mindless-doll Eva calling out for him for help when she was being assaulted. hearing "Ruuu.. Ruuuu" really freaks him out :(

Clarifications "and I won't give up on Bellua" --> There's a nuance to these words. While she no longer considers herself, personally, a Bellua, being part of House Bellua has always BEEN her identity until now. She's not heartless enough to completely abandon them and allow them to be killed after she spent all this time protecting them. So as much as she hates and resents them and never wants to see them again, she's not cruel enough to wish death upon them. Again, she's "paid her debts" to them, and is ready to move on.

"You can despise me, hit me, and curse me as much as you want; if there's something you want to extort from me, then take it. I won't say a word, even if you take everything from me. If that's what it takes for me to have you by my side, then it's not even a loss." - I can't help but notice these manhwa original words are EERILY similar to how Lari begged Rupert to accept her in Ch 33; while at that time Lari had begged and was willing to do ANYTHING for his acceptance, it's the same now: Rupert is willing to do ANYTHING for Lari to accept him. For Lari, who does truly care for Rupert, doesn't want to see him begging and groveling like this. Rupert completely forgot he's the Emperor now, and he's letting his inner child out, completely clinging on to her. With those words, Lari understands: He loves her, and he's too dependent on her. It's an unhealthy relationship. There's a complete power reversal now, and she doesn't even want to hold power over him. She's tired, and she just wants to rest. She's sorry for hurting him, for ruining his life, but she can't do anything more. She's tired. That's it. :( That's one of the reasons why although it's not a perfect adaptation from the novel, the INTENT/PAIN/SUFFERING/DEVASTATION is enough for me to still really enjoy these last two chapters. the manhwa, with its visuals and choice of text did well in its own way to portray the breakup between the two, and how devastated both were. The role reversal as well: Lari would NEVER, in her right mind want to be with a Rupert who is that dependent on her - because she isn't ready/can't completely accept him for who he is. She cares too much to do that to him :((((

#your majesty please spare me this time #rupelali #manhwa #rofan #otome isekai

[floral-poisons]

hiii can i also request the ex hcs for jamil, vil, and silver? thank you so much! 💗

hi anon!! you may request ex head canons! i decided to take this request while writing my high fantasy fic because i did enjoy writing the ex head canons.

SILVER

you know how some people just sleep when they get depressed? that’s silver. his sleeping habit becomes 1000 times worse than it was before you got together. on top of that, him sleeping so much was one of the reasons you guys broke up. it frustrated you to no end how you would be talking about something so passionately only to find your boyfriend sleeping. and you did not have the energy to always recall what you said.

silver would like to make this habit better, would like to stop sleeping so much. but being depressed makes him not want to be present in the world so he sleeps.

he’s also skipping out on meals and even a couple of classes. the man is depressed. work is hard and doing anything is hard.

he’s also crying. a lot. and probably quite loudly too. lilia’s always checking in on him to make sure he’s not dehydrated.

silver is basically a depressed ex. every time he sees you, he feels pain. every time he dreams of you, he cries. every time he finds something that reminds him of you (photos, games, movies), his whole body hurts and begins to feel heavy.

he tries to be cordial but it’s blatantly obvious how much he’s hurting.

it would be better to just turn back time and stop him from asking you on a date.

VIL SCHOENHEIT

much like jade, vil is going back to normal. he’s the same as he was when he was single and it kind of baffles you how he manages to be so calm and seemingly so free of guilt. you broke up because of his constant criticism and seeming dissatisfaction with everything no matter what. so to see him just...be the same was frustrating.

depending on the day, vil will either ignore you or be passive aggressive. there’s always a 50/50 chance. most days he ignores you. when he’s passive aggressive, it hurts because it feels like he has no remorse for the breakup.

behind closed doors, vil is throwing himself in work. he doesn’t let this show because then it’ll let you know that he’s reacting. on top of that, he also just has things to do. unlike other people, he can’t afford to sulk.

he gives himself moments in the bathroom in front of the mirror to cry if his emotions become overwhelming. but nothing more than a few tears leak out because too many will cause problems to his skin.

he’s kept some photos between the two of you. there were also no posts with you two on magicam for the sole reason that you could’ve been bombarded by his fans. so no need for scrubbing.

he does miss you though and he understands his faults. but he’s quite silent about it. he was raised on a standard of being nothing better than perfect so him not being satisfied bothers him. a lot.

miscommunication is vil’s best friend.

JAMIL VIPER

again, like vil and jade, jamil returns back to the way he was when he was single. he doesn’t have the energy to sulk around because he has kalim to take care of on top of schoolwork. you understand why he doesn’t seem phased. though you do wish you could tell what he was thinking.

unsurprisingly, kalim came through as jamil’s friend. jamil wasn’t expecting to have the boy burst into his room in the night and drag him out on a magic carpet ride.

but it was a relief. kalim told him that it would help jamil to let it out to the desert.

jamil has a lot of bottled up anger from the breakup. some people get sad. jamil’s sadness turned into anger without him knowing. and being in the desert where no one but kalim could hear him gave him the freedom to let out painful screams and tears of anger.

afterwards, he felt a lot better.

he’s also stress cooking. a lot. the breakup took quite the toll on him so he uses cooking as a suitable outlet for his emotions. it’s getting kind of concerning though. kalim doesn’t know what to do with the large amount of leftovers even after everyone’s fed and leftovers have been given out.

curry is most definitely his comfort food. he can’t feel anything if his whole tongue is on fire.

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #scarabia #pomefiore #diasomnia #twst silver #jamil viper #vil schoenheit

[starshipsofstarlord]

Can you do a reader x Damon salvatore where everyone thinks the only reason they are together is because damon sired her, but she gets angry and tells them the truth that she always had feelings and didn't say anything because she knew he liked Elena...

Sire Or No Sire

damon Salvatore x reader / masterlist

summary; it is easily perceived why you look at Damon the way that you do, though most people think that is an affect of him having turned you to save your life. And that is the last straw of you realising that they know nothing / warnings; mentions of Damon x Elena, mentions of Damon x Caroline, jealousy, angst, mentions of the sire bond, mentions of sex, swearing, angst, breakup, toxic friendships

Their voices, their aloud opinions, brought you nothing but pain, the tragedy seeping into your vervain allergic veins, as you shook your head. It was as though they thought that you were unable to hear their chatter, but you knew that they would be wrong with assuming so. You were no longer weak, with human senses flooding your every whim, you were a vampire.

An immortal. It felt strange to think that you would no longer age in physical layers, instead, your mind would be the only participant within your body to forever grow with the various memories that you would be collecting through the next decades. Though, you weren’t the only one, Caroline was in that room, reprimanding Damon for saving your life.

You could hear her words loud and clear, as the Salvatores and the rest of your friends stood by, some agreeing with her, such as Elena, whereas others remained silence, such as the vampire that had turned you in the first place. The viscous tone hissing out of the blonde’s mouth scathed you emotionally, and ended with you thudding back against Damon’s bedroom door, before entering the room, and ensuring that it was locked behind you.

“The two of you are only together because of the sire bond. You turning her, had become nothing more an excuse to fuck and put a label on it!”

Did she think that she was defending you? Because to you, it didn’t sound like it, but that was Caroline for you, always insistent of her opinion, though, you two did get along. The pair of you understood what it was like to be on the sidelines, whilst perfect Elena played the victim every time, and got any guy she wanted, even her friends were swayed with the young gentlemen first.

Elena Gilbert was the epiphany of perfect; she was the damsel in distress, giving the opportunity to whomever she sought after to come and save her. You weren’t her, dissimilar to the whiny brunette, you were prepared to fight the monsters that threatened your life, human or not. And that included Damon long ago, before you saw how sweet the over century old man was.

One thing that you had never done though, was date someone and bluntly flirt with their brother. That was crossing a line, you appreciated honesty, especially in this lifestyle, and Caroline had declared her thoughts. She spoke truthfully, believing her own words, though they were far from facts.

They needed to know that you weren’t invested in a relationship with Damon because of him turning you, it was something you had never asked for, nor dreamed about. But it had happened, and whilst it brought the pair of you closer, there was no maker bond, instead, there had already been a flirtatious brewing between the pair of you whilst you were still human.

You becoming like him gave the two of you more time together as he trained you to breathe idly in and calm your bloodlust. Or how in the middle of the night, he would come by your house, and awake you from a terror, afterwards taking you for an innocent stroll through the woods.

Without him, you’d have been on a path to nowhere, lost and unable to find a route to continue on, wading through the life after death with no direction, nor set course to keep you in line. Surely, you’d have murdered many a man or woman, if you were dependant with surviving with her bewitched curse of immortality, digging into their inviting throats with your dagger canine teeth, that pulsed to be fed.

“That’s a load of- you know what, think what you want to think, you have a history of jealousy filled, toxic and werewolf involved relationships, you are not exactly the best person here to judge me on my healthy and loving romantic partnership with y/n!”

Damon half yelled at the vampiric blonde, however, another tone was fast to respond to his defensive outburst and cause the both of you a disgruntled pair of expressions. “She was turned by you brother, that runs the risk of a sore bond appropriating her feelings.”

Oh, noble Stefan. He had caused you to snap, thrusting the door open to his brother’s bedroom open, making its hinges weaken, as you whisked through the halls in seconds, joining the compendium of mystic falls in the living space, all eyes turned to you, well aware that you had heard all their smart mouthed and toxic opinions.

The sire bond wasn’t something that was too uncommon, however it affected nothing in your life. It was just for them to pick at something that was good, they could never allow something that was actually decent to revel in existence. They had to be the ones with the perfect prissy lives, not others.

“Shut your mouth, ripper!” Yes, you pulled at that string of his life, dangling it degradingly before his eyes, watching as his eyes that were focalised into you turned sour. “I love your brother, and just because you loved the love triangles the pair of you would be involved in with bitchy Gilbert over there, or bloody Katherine, does not make any other people that he or you are with invalid!”

Elena stepped forwards, her doe eyes boring with contained anger towards you. Though instead of speaking to you, her words were directed at her ex, and she wanted to gouge your reaction. “You promised me that we were going to last forever, are you going to do the same to her?”

“No, because I don’t need a time span to appreciate her presence in. I don’t need to tell her lies nor make selfish promises, because with her I am a better man.” Damon sneered at her, coming to stand beside you, protectively wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“It’s the sire bond.” Elena stated furiously, hating the fact that she was not getting her way. In turn, you laughed, shaking your head at her incessant denial of allowing Damon to move on.

“Shut the fuck up, if you had maybe given a shit about me in the past, you’d have realised that I would stare at you enviously when you were at his side. But maybe you knew, and you just wanted to brag, but I can prove that there is no bond other than the one we already built together.”

“Yeah, and how are you going to do that?” She pestered, and with a sorrowful glance directed at Damon, you dropped your head, anything but proud with what you were about to do. Swiftly you turned, watching as Damon’s eyes widened.

“I’m going to leave.” Whence you began to walk, a hand grasped your wrist, keeping your feet locked where they were. Caroline’s voice broke through the air, her eyes were filled with regret, from all the things that she had said, and all the opinions that she had formed.

“You’re not serious! You’re gonna break up with him because of us?” Stiffly you nodded, watching as Damon felt a taken back. He gaped his mouth open, in shock.

“I’d do anything for my friends, despite the circumstances not being reciprocated. I’m not even allowed to be in a relationship with the man that I love because you are all endorsed with the idea that it’s some stupid bond. Yes, we have a bond, but it’s not a sire one.”

“Baby, don’t.” Damon practically begged, watching as you yourself were torn and conflicted in regards to the situation. A sad smile monitored your face, as you slipped out of his grasp.

“We might have to wait another lifetime until we’re allowed to be together without resorts of undermining and people that don’t really care about us. Some people want there to be a whole ass agility course to separate us, but maybe if we wait, we can prove how wrong they are, if they’re not dead by then.”

Caroline felt terrible, once again Stefan had taken his brother’s life from him, and Elena, well she felt accomplished. She went to reach for Damon’s arm, but he threw her consoling manner and herself across the room, heading straight after you, with a bottle of bourbon.

If you could leave them to prove a point, so could be; he loved you. That was enough, especially for him, he could leave those doses of poison behind, if he would grant himself permission without asking, a peaceful life with you.

#damon salvatore angst #damon salvatore fanfiction #damon salvatore x reader #damon x reader oneshot #vampire diaries damon x reader #Damon x reader angst #damon x reader imagine #damon oneshot #tvd damon x reader #damon imagine #damon salvatore x y/n #damon salvatore one shot #tvd angst #tvd one shot #tvd request

[ilikekidsshows]

Idk how to phrase this properly, but can you talk about how despite Ladybug steps on Chat's triggers sometimes, she's still a good friend to him and an exception and a symbol of hope to him that not everyone is like Gabriel at all? (Like the differences in her and Gabriel's attitudes towards him in episodes like Glaciator and the NY special?)

Yeah, the New York Special and 'Glaciator' are both cases where Marinette kinda screwed up. However, using these cases to say Marinette is like Gabriel is just not on. Marinette and Gabriel have parallels, but their treatment of Adrien is not one of them. In fact, I'd say it's one of the most important points of contrast, aka difference.

When it comes to the New York Special, I believe it isn't fair to judge an entire relationship based on what the characters do in situations where they're under extreme duress and the narrative purpose is to create drama. On a regular day, Marinette never would have stood in silence when someone was falling to pieces right next to her. The only reason she was suddenly mute in the middle of the sewer scene in the New York Special was so that the writers could include a really melodramatic breakup-get-back-together plotline. It happens in so many series finales and really makes me think the NY Special's script was originally written for the movie that's coming out. It has a broody atmosphere, it has collateral damage, there's a breach of trust and our heroes break up, Marinette falls off her bike and sobs while lying on the ground in the rain and Hawk Moth launches a nuclear strike. The New York Special is way more dramatic than the show, it's melodramatic even. The level of melodrama makes the NY Special easy to generate salt on, but that doesn't mean it's accurate salt on the show itself, since the show proper is so tonally different. No one's judging anime series based off the OVAs they put out.

But, if you're still interested, I did do a full conflict analysis on the New York Special here, where I went over how Adrien's tendency of projecting his relationship with his father into his relationship with Ladybug got some solid countering evidence to help him overcome that in the special (if the special is canon to the show). I've also discussed my interpretation of what's going on in 'Glaciator' here and here. However, I'll say here that Ladybug accidentally treating Cat Noir like Gabriel does Adrien in 'Glaciator' is not the reading the episode is going for. Marinette forgot Cat Noir existed due to some personal issues she has while Gabriel blatantly doesn't care what he does to Adrien and uses his disregard to manipulate Adrien into staying home just in case Gabriel might grace him with his presence. The perceived similarity exists in Adrien's mind because 'Glaciator' focuses on his trauma from his abuse at home.

The primary difference between Marinette and Gabriel is that Marinette genuinely is terrible at managing her time and responsibilities and tends to forget a lot of Ladybug-related stuff in the first two seasons, while Gabriel is knowingly and purposely neglecting his son in order to keep him hanging on to his every word. There's a huge difference between someone who cares being bad at showing it and someone who cares knowingly manipulating you. The difference is that, if Marinette knew she was actually inflicting Cat Noir with the same pain his father does, she would regret it and try to make up for it. Gabriel knows what he's doing when he does it and does it repeatedly even when he knows what it does to Adrien. He's an empath. It's deliberate. Meanwhile, Marinette is clueless. The two situations are in no way equal.

However, Ladybug does do genuine good to Adrien's emotional state. She isn't just the person who unknowingly hurts him. A big issue with people unleashing any salt on any character is that they tend to ignore the entire narrative and focus on only some moments that they then give their own interpretations to that take a lot of liberties. Simply put, a major underlying theme in Miraculous is self-actualization, and Ladybug is one of the primary people in Adrien's life, in addition to Nino and Plagg, who not only let him be himself, but actively encourage it. Let's face it, Adrien is a lot when he's Cat Noir. He exaggerates himself, he always speaks his mind, he refuses to be contained. And Ladybug accepts it. And not only accepts, but loves it.

What does Gabriel do when Adrien expresses any part of himself that he doesn't approve of? He isolates him, sends him to his room, and forbids him from going outside. Even the slightest bit of unacceptable behavior or the smallest of mistakes gets punished severely, with no room for negotiation or compromise. Because Gabriel doesn't want to understand Adrien's point of view, he shuts down any conversation Adrien wants to have. Gabriel also constantly uses isolation as a punishment. He denies Adrien his company and the company of his friends constantly, even when Adrien has done nothing to “deserve” it (he could never deserve it, I’m merely referring to Gabriel having something to use as justification).

Ladybug is a different story. She can't know Adrien. Their secret identities depend on it. So, there's a huge blockade stopping her from really understanding her partner. But she wants to and tries to. Anything Cat Noir wants to tell her, Ladybug listens to. She's so willing to listen to him, even when he says things she doesn't want to her, like when he tells her they have to protect Chloé in 'Evillustrator'. This is season one Marinette at her most unreasonable, abandoning her duty in a huff. She delegated the duty of protecting Chloé to Cat Noir alone, but she didn't say he was wrong, even when he said something she really didn't want to hear, that Chloé was in danger and it was their job to keep her safe. Gabriel never listens when he's angry, something we see especially in 'Félix', where he goes on an angry tirade. But, even when she's steaming mad, Ladybug does acknowledge Cat Noir is right, even if grudgingly (cause it's about Chloé).

Another thing to note is that Marinette doesn't take it onto herself to punish Cat Noir for perceived misbehavior. At worst she might snap at him, but she never dangles the right to be in her presence as only being allowed if Cat Noir stays on his best behavior like Gabriel does. Marinette knows she could do this. By season two she's fully aware that Cat Noir is in love with her and is fully dedicated to her. But she doesn't use that because she's a better person than Gabriel, and because she enjoys his company too. She doesn’t walk out on him for a bad joke, or flirting at the wrong time. There isn’t a single moment in the series where Marinette tells Cat Noir to leave the way Gabriel does. She does on occasion run away from conversations, but never in a way that would signal to Cat Noir it’s his fault, like in ‘Oblivio’ or ‘Frozer’. Even with all the difficulties Marinette has with communicating, especially with Adrien and Cat Noir, she never shuts Cat Noir out, unlike Gabriel, who seems to do nothing but shut him out.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #marinette dupain cheng #gabriel agreste #gabriel agreste's a+ parenting #ml meta #long post

[kurosarium]

post breakup headcanons

Headcanons about some characters and how they deal with being broken up with. This is me trying to cope with my own breakup. I feel like absolute shit, but somehow I got inspired by my sadness and wrote these in like an hour, which is pretty fast for me.

Feedback is much appreciated!

featuring: Akaashi, the Miya twins, Sakusa, Kuroo, Suna and Bokuto

warnings: angst ig

❀ ❀ ❀

Miya Atsumu:

He’s going to be really dramatic about it, but it’s not like he’s doing it for no reason, you know? Atsumu definitely tries to keep his act together around his peers, but his mood is greatly affected by the breakup, so it won’t be hard for people to tell that something must have happened. He’s less of a tease and less talkative. While his demeanor doesn’t change too much when he’s in public, except for being less of a tease (and a pain in the ass), he will most likely cry his heart out in the confines of his own home and may or may not try to drown his sorrow in alcohol. He’d feel super depressed and lethargic during the first few days, or even weeks. He may not look like it, and definitely doesn’t act like it often, but once he lets someone into his life and decides to give himself to them he becomes very invested and tends to be a bit clingy, so the thought of losing the person closest and most precious to him is unimaginable to him. He loves hard, and if he really, genuinely loved his partner then he will be a total disaster after they broke up with him. Atsumu will visit his brother’s shop A LOT more often, whine about his worries and stuff his mouth with fatty tuna.

Akaashi Keiji:

He will most likely distract himself with work. Keeping himself occupied at all costs, because his mind tends to wander and he will only make himself more miserable if he starts to think about his ex-partner and their breakup. He knows that himself, so he really tries to drown out any of his thought that aren’t work related for the time being. You might not even notice that he’s suffering, because it’s not an unusual occurrence for Akaashi to work ungodly hours. What gives him away, to his close friends at least, is that he doesn’t answer any of their calls or text, and if he does, he will respond with one-word-answers only. He pretty much isolates himself for a while and rejects any invites from his friends. The thing is, that his feeling will pile up and he will eventually break, and he will end up crying alone at his work desk, without anyone to comfort him. He knows his behavior is bad for him and will only make him feel worse, but he just can’t help it. He may reject his friends approaches, but he will secretly thank them if they ignore his wishes and come over uninvited and drag him out with them. He really doesn’t want to be suffering alone, but he has a hard time expressing his feelings, he’s learning and getting better at it, though.  

Suna Rintaro:

Suna’s already someone who behaves pretty indifferent in most situations and doesn’t express his emotions openly, but after getting his heart broken he becomes even more apathetic, and his seems like absolutely nothing brings him joy, or even matters to him. It’s going to be really frustrating for all of his friends and family members. This being said, it wouldn’t be difficult to notice his extreme behavior, he just seems completely out of it, spaces out all the time and blankly stares into the distance. If you wouldn’t know he was going through immense emotional pain, it would almost seem comedic. While Suna’s face hides it perfectly, he feels utterly lost and doesn’t really know how to cope with the situation. Still, he prefers to not talk about his emotional said, neither with his closest friends, nor with his family, and instead shuts completely off and keeps to himself. You’d really have to worm everything out of him if you’d want him to tell you what’s up with him. Sooner or later he will get overwhelmed by his feelings, though, at the latest when he unexpectedly encounters his ex again.

Miya Osamu:

He just doesn’t deal with it. Similar to Akaashi he tries to keep himself busy, but he does it more successfully? Like, he actually seems to be doing okay and when he tells his friends that there’s nothing to worry about and that he’s doing fine, it sounds very convincing to most people. Except for his brother and a handful of friends, that is (like Aran, he just knows). Still, he is able to suppress his emotions and tried really hard to not let them affect him too much, and after a while it actually seems like he’s over his past lover, but oh boy is that far from the truth. It really depends on how much and how deeply he loved that person, though. While I imagine that he’s an intense love like his brother, it’s more difficult to get access to him and his emotions. Osamu’s excellent at not getting too involved and has very good control over his emotions, but if his ex was someone he genuinely loved and opened himself up to, then I can see him reacting to a breakup in a similar way as his brother.  

Kuroo Tetsurou:

I see him handling being broken up with well? Like, he sure is emotional about it, but he deals with it in a mature way and tries to understand his ex-partner’s reasoning to the best of his ability. He definitely will allow himself to be sad and even shed a tear here and there, but he also knows when enough is enough. I imagine he will give himself some sort of time frame where he allows himself to grieve and be sad, but after the time’s up (could be a few days or a few weeks) he will actively try to move on and keep his mind occupied so his thoughts won’t start to wander to a bad place. I can also see him keeping in touch with his ex, not immediately after the break up, but at some point, even if it’s just on a superficial basis. If he truly cared about them as a person, then he wouldn’t want them to be completely out of his life (I’m projecting here but that’s ok). So basically, Kuroo copes by giving himself the time to feel brokenhearted, but also in being more socially active after coming to a point where he believes he grieved enough. He will focus on the people around him and go out with his friends more and try to get his mind off of his ex-partner. All in all, I’d say his way of coping with a breakup (with him being the one who gets broken up with) in a relatively healthy way. One thing he’d definitely do, especially in the beginning, is turning up at Kenma’s place at the most random times to play games with him. Some things just don’t change.

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

Sakusa’s even better at hiding and suppressing his feelings than Osamu. Like, people that aren’t super close with him wouldn’t even have known he was in a relationship in the first place. He’s that secretive about his personal life and only trusts handpicked people with the details of his life. For everyone who does know him better, though, it’s pretty easy to tell that something’s off with him. He’s a lot moodier and meaner, sometimes even unintentionally overstepping boundaries, and the bags under his eyes grow visibly darker. Sakusa tends to drink more caffeinated drinks when he’s stressed, which keep him up at night and encourage his brain to fill itself with what ifs and other intrusive thoughts. He’s basically a tired mess, and the people around, especially those he sees every day, will notice he’s being deprived of sleep, because it’s no secret that Sakusa usually values his 8 hours of beauty sleep. So, while his behavior does change, he could tell people literally anything and they’d believe it to be the reason for his slightly odd behavior. I also don’t see him as someone who easily opens up about his feelings, so he’d probably bury that shit deep within.

Bokuto Koutarou:

It’s going to be really difficult to cheer this big Baby up. Bokuto just spends days moping around and will have absolutely no motivation to do anything, not even Volleyball. Sure, he will go to practice and participate in games, but there’s definitely a change in his aura, he’s less energetic and spaces out way more often. The coach will probably have to pull him aside more than once during practice. It will definitely take more than his teammates or a few good friends to get him to function properly again, I think what he really needs is just time. But he definitely doesn’t want to be alone, so he will reach out for his friends and try to distract himself a bit with their company. It will take Bokuto a lot of time to get over his past lover, though. He’s someone who gets very emotionally invested in things, and people no less. I also imagine him to be the kind of person that tries to contact their ex after the breakup, asking if they could talk things over again or try to find another solution, he doesn’t want to let go that easily if he’s convinced there is or could be another way.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! scenarios #atsumu x reader #sakusa x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #osamu x reader #akaashi x reader #suna x reader #Kuroo Tetsurou #Miya Atsumu #miya osamu #akaashi keiji #Bokuto Koutarou #Suna Rintarou #sakusa kiyoomi #haikyuu scenarios

[darkshinsou]

Doesn't Love Me Anymore

Warnings: Angst, fluff, mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, Kirishima x reader, Bakugou x reader

Part 1

Word Count: 1.3k

I woke up and chose pain today. Thank you my lovely beta reader @sugaslittleangel and do enjoy:) also, if you want to listen to it, I thought this song kind of suited this fic

You woke up with a start, your dream nostalgic and depressing. It's been a while since you've dreamt of him. You never want to again. You get up and walk to the bathroom, splashing your face to cool off and then making your way to the kitchen. While grabbing a cup of water, you feel a pair of arms snake around your waist and a head on your shoulder. "What are you doing up so early, Y/N?" 

You lean into Kirishima and rasp out, "I had a bad dream, that's all. Why are you still up?" 

He groans and mutters into your shoulder, "I had paperwork to do." You look at him in acknowledgement and down the cup of water before spinning around, pecking him on the lips. 

"Well, I'm wide awake now, so why don't I join you?" You grin at him as you hook your arms around his neck. He smiles down at you and kisses you. 

Still kissing you, Kirishima responds to your question, "Go sit down on the couch. I'll be there in a moment." You nod and he lets you go, walking off as you skip to the living room. He joins you a minute later and sets his laptop down before picking you up and placing you in his lap. He then continues his work as you play with his hair. You fell asleep like that. 

Bakugou felt like shit. He was still seeing the girl, but it wasn't the same. There was no thrill, no love, and the only reason he kept her around was for sex. He threw himself into work after you left, since it distracted him from the emptiness he felt. He missed your cooking, he missed the smell of you, and he missed your warmth. He also distanced himself from his friends, wanting to be alone. Deku was really the only one he ever talked to now. This is thanks to Deku, since he always pestered Bakugou. He didn't realize how lonely he was when you weren't here. How antisocial he was when he didn't have you by his side. How much he depended on you until he ran out of clean socks. His days were spent with work, eating one decent meal, and sleeping. What was the point of doing anything else? 

You were on a walk when you saw him. He was in his hero costume and talking to a civilian. You hid as he looked up at the tree, exasperated as he saw the cat. He quickly gets the cat down and starts walking in your direction after and you freak, standing up and beginning to run, that is, until he calls out to you, "Y/N? Is that you?" 

You freeze and turn around slowly, "Hey, Ka- Bakugou. How are you?" You stutter over his name and he flinches as you call him with his last name.

He's in front of you when he answers your question, "I've been better. How's it with you?" He wishes he could say that he wanted you to be happy, but it would be a lie. He wants you to still be missing him, to still want him, to still be hurt after your breakup. He wants that so he can ask for you back. Back in his arms. Sleeping in his bed. But, he never truly gets what he wants, now does he? 

"I'm doing great, actually! I'm sorry you aren't feeling good, but I have somewhere to be, so I'll see you later, okay, Bakugou?" Your response hurts and he nods mutely. You walk off and he looks up as he feels small droplets hit him. Did the forecast say it was going to rain today? 

You him as you open the door to your home, forgetting about your run in with Bakugou and focusing and dinner. Kirishima was going to be home soon and you wanted him to be able to relax and be comfortable. 

After cooking dinner, you set the table and wait on the couch. The door opens only minutes after and you smile as you run to the door and into Kirishima's arms. He chuckles and kisses your forehead while squeezing you tight. "Something smells good! What are we eating today?"

You drag him to the dining room and look back at him, beaming, "You'll just have to see!"

Bakugou's company was having a party to celebrate New Year's and, after hours of pleading from Deku, he was forced to go. Dressed in a dress shirt and dress pants, he waits for Deku to get ready. "How long does it take you to get ready, damn nerd!"

"Sorry, Kachan! I'll be out in a moment!" After another minute passes, Deku walks out in a blue suit and with his hair slicked back, "Let's go!" Bakugou grunts in response and they make their way to the car. 

Kirishima was in awe. You looked stunning in your dress, and the smile you were wearing with it made you all the more beautiful. He placed his hand on your lower back and pushed slightly, "Let's go, angel. We don't want to be late." 

You nod excitedly, "I've never been to one of these events before!" Kirishima chuckles at your excitement. 

"Well, I'm sure you'll enjoy it!" He tells you. After opening the door for you, he hips into the driver seat and puts the car into drive. 

Once you guys arrive at the party, he tells you to wait as he rushes to open your door. You giggle as you get out, his hand automatically finding its way around your waist after. Walking inside, you were stunned. It was extravagant, to say the least. The big chandelier and the band and- Oh my god, how many heroes are here? You spotted Mount Lady, Shouto, Earphone Jack, and the list goes on. You grin up at Kirishima and feel your body shake in excitement, "This is so cool, Kirishima! Thank you for bringing me!" 

"You're welcome, Y/N! Let's go have some fun!" Kirishima brings you over to meet his friends, more excited than ever.

Bakugou was already downing drinks, not really caring to greet anyone. Deku wandered off a little bit ago and left Bakugou alone, which was a bad idea on his part. Drink after drink, he was surprised the waiter hadn't cut him off. He grunted at anyone who tried to start a conversation, and glared when they didn't get the hint. He felt another tap on his shoulder and was about to scream at them when he heard, "Hey, bakubro! Long time, no see! I wanted to introduce someone to you!" Bakugou only turned around and stared in shock at you gripping Kirishima's arm tightly. "Bakubro, meet Y/N! My lovely girlfriend. We've been together for around a year now!"

Bakugou nodded, "That's great. I'm glad you're happy, Kirishima. I wish you guys the best." Kirishima looked at his friend weirdly as he ran off. 

"He's acting weird. I'll ask him about later, but for now, let's get something to eat!"

This hurt so much more than when he lost you. Seeing you happy with someone else was like multiple punches to the chest. He's never felt this pain before. After making it to an empty room, he fell to the floor, clutching his chest and wailing. He let out all the pain that has been bottling up inside him. 

After seeing Bakugou run off, Deku followed, concerned. When opening the door, he found the man that he looked up to for so many years weeping. He looked so vulnerable, so weak. All Deku could do is draw him into a hug and let him cry it out into his shoulder. "What happened?" He asked after Bakugou calmed down. 

"She doesn't love me anymore." Is all he replied. 

Taglist: @unicornlover25

#bakugou x gn!reader #my hero academia #bnha angst #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #bakugou angst #bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bnha kirishima #kirishima x gn!reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou #mha kirishima #mha angst #bnha fluff #mha fluff #sullen.writes✨

[vanmccannonlyfans]

Cocoon

part i.

But in hell, there was relief in the utter helplessness. Here, your actions had both consequences for yourself, and others. You weren’t sure which was worse.

“How do you have so many of these?!”

Alicia had 10s of boxes of tests in her suitcase, as if they were hotel shampoo bottles or restaurant breath mints. The pink floral branding stuck out against the sea of black leather and denim that comprised her wardrobe.

“Get em in bulk on amazon, cheaper that way and saves me a trip to the store.” As if bulk buying pregnancy tests was as casual as ordering toothpaste or tampons.

You moved to the bathroom to take the test, stepping over used towels strewn across the floor. You were glad you were doing this in a place so impersonal, however uncomfortable. Whatever the outcome, good or bad, you would be able to leave without any memories tainting the space, never to return and have to relive the feeling. If this was your bathroom at home, you’d be reminded every time you had to go.

Alicia camped in front of the mirror, smacking her lips together after every layer of strawberry gloss, the wand alternating between tracing her plump lips and pumping the tube for more product. Leaning against the fake granite hotel counter, she fussed with her raven black bangs and adjusted her top.

“Is it ready yet?” She asked, without averting her eyes from their own contact, her lips now more reflective than the mirror.

“I can’t look..” The room was twisting more than your stomach as you picked up the test, double vision making it impossible to count the number of lines.

Was there just one? Two? How dark does the second one have to be?

“Does this look positive to you?”

Alicia cocked her head at the test, brow furrowed.

“The second line is faint...but it’s there.”

“Fuck,” You exhaled as you fell against the wall, exasperated.

“Didn’t you always want to be parents?”

“Well yes, but...not so soon. We don’t even have a place to live...”

Life on the road was hollow and lonely, even with your best friends. Playing shows every night to strangers who saw you as enigmas, then returning to cold hotel rooms to sleep until the having to get back on the bus or plane for the next event, repeat ad infinitum until you had crossed off a laundry list of places you had stepped foot in but not actually experienced. It all seemed so fun and exciting until you realized that you didn’t know anyone anywhere and were too tired to do things even on days off, and ended up just sleeping the day away and ordering in pizza. It wasn’t a viable situation for raising a child, and hardly sustainable for an otherwise healthy adult.

-

You laid on the scratchy quilted comforter, each tick of the clock intensifying your anxiety, like a bomb about to detonate. Every second brought you closer to confronting a situation that felt neither fully real nor fantasy. Like your whole world depended on what he would think.

The beep of the key card brought you back down to earth from the peaks of your existential dread. You couldn’t wait to be held, comforted, told it was going to be alright, even if neither of you had any idea what to do. His touch was a balm to your aching soul, one that no antidepressant could rival.

Van entered without a word.

“Baby?” You called to him, as if he couldn’t see you.

He remained silent, dropping his guitar case on the ground. After what felt like eons, he looked up toward the window behind you, as if you were invisible.

“I think you should go.” His eyes were sallow, skin dehydrated from all the smokes and shitty fast food and beers every night.

“What?” The single word came out like a croak, your voice evading you. First you couldn’t be seen, now you could hardly be heard, as if you were dissolving from material reality. As if only his acknowledgement made you real. “Van--”

“No,” He cut you off, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, the other on his hip, swiveling him towards the wall. His adams apple rose and fell without a word, bobbing like a buoy on a choppy sea.

“I don’t want to fight about this. I just want you to leave.” He looked down, running a hand through his hair before tucking it under his armpit as if he were chilled.

You were in disbelief. The same man who had invited you to accompany him across the world was discarding you as easily as you had tossed the test that said you were carrying his child into the bin.

“But Van--”

“JUST GO!” He belted, shaking the room with his volume. You had never heard him yell like that, hardly had ever seen him genuinely angry.

You struggled to catch your breath, hot tears erupting from your eyes.

“--I’m pregnant.”

There was a loud crack as Van’s phone hit the wall, leaving a mark.

“STOP LYING!” He thundered, grabbing your shoulders.

He was finally looking into your eyes. His were red and glassy and you could smell the last cigarette on his skin, so much so that you found yourself on the floor throwing up, then running to your suitcase like a wounded animal, then in the brass elevator, then out the lobby and into the street. You weren’t sure where you were going or how you would get there, just that you wanted to be gone.

When your legs finally collapsed from exhaustion, you found yourself out of breath in front of a bodega, simultaneously sweating and shivering from the physical and emotional trauma. You went in to buy a bottle of water and drank it in greedy gulps while scrolling on your phone to take your mind off of your predicament. At the top of your inbox was a flight confirmation, forwarded from the band’s manager. It was a plane ticket back home.

-

The sterile, unfriendly design of airports had always thrilled you. They were an exciting gateway to a new place in the wide world you hadn’t explored much of. You had never even been on a plane before Van had toured outside of the UK. The complete lack of rules and disregard for conventional social norms enchanted you; how strange a place to have bars open at 6am next to designer shops and restaurants more expensive than you had ever eaten in. Van would order bailey’s in your coffee while he had a morning beer, before sneaking tipsy kisses in cheap seats at 42,000 feet.

Now the airport felt like a portal to hell, sucking you back to the place you had escaped from.

You hadn’t told anyone you were coming home, or that you had broken up, or...anything. You hadn’t spoken a word to anyone besides the cab driver who asked which terminal to drop you off at. You weren’t sure who you would tell first, what you would say. If you opened your mouth, nothing would come out. Except maybe some incoherent stuttering and word salad, which fit how you felt inside--both numb and acerbic, cold to the touch but teeming with a pain so primal and acrid it could kill a horse. The water in your stomach felt like it was curdling, and you hoped you could make it through the flight without throwing up.

-

The cab dropped you off on the corner of your parent’s property where the guest house loomed, hardly visible through the gloaming. You fumbled with the key, hoping it hadn’t been changed since the last time. The door rattled open to dusty furniture and soupy air; musty and untouched as if it had been abandoned. You and Van used to sneak in here in for quickies and hold clandestine parties, lighting candles instead of turning on lights to not tip off your parents that you were present. The stain from when someone dropped a bottle of whiskey still marred the floorboards, and you wondered if anyone had been in here since you left.

You had hardly surveilled the place before the door snapped open behind you.

“Fuck, you scared me!” It was your brother, shaking the dew from his trainers. “Why are you back? I thought you would be gone until next year, at least.” You sucked in the thick air, scanning the room for alibis. Stretching the last few moments before you had the acknowledge that you now walked the earth all by yourself.

“Oh, you know. Just felt homesick.”

Your brother respected your lie, letting it dissipate in the stale air like the smoke from a snuffed wick.

“I never liked him, anyway”

-

Your parents were happy, albeit a bit startled, to see you. They had converted your room to an office and all of your old things from high school, like notes from Van and old chemistry notebooks, were collecting dust in the attic. It was good to have the guest house to yourself, to be miserable in peace without the lingering tension of having to acknowledge the reason for your return, or to have anyone ask why you were throwing up so much and sleeping for 14 hours at a time.

Your dreams were so deep and lifelike that you had trouble discerning reality from fiction in your own memory; your nightmares even worse. Once you dreamt that Van had come into the guest house bedroom with a cup of tea asking how you’d slept, how his baby was doing. When your eyes had burst open, you were cold and alone. Anguish gripped your stomach, forcing it’s contents up your throat then down onto the floor.

Other times the dreams were of him fucking you.  Most nights it was just replays of your breakup, repeating every time you fell back asleep after being jerked awake from the sheer horror of that moment, worse than any organic monster ridden nightmare you had ever had. Each iteration more fresh than the last, as if someone was rewinding it over and over again on a cassette tape, starting at a high pitched blur then ending only when you could feel his hot breath ghost across your face.

Some days you woke up so paralyzed by your grief you wondered if you were in hell. Each moment was unbearably painful and eternal, the mere act of breathing felt sisyphean. But in hell, there was relief in the utter helplessness. Here, your actions had both consequences for yourself, and others. You weren’t sure which was worse.

-

The clinic was on the outskirts of town, far enough away you weren’t likely to run into anyone unless they were there for the same reason. The ultrasound tech didn’t make eye contact a single time, snapping her gum as she dispensed the chilly ultrasound gel in a single deft shake.

Your chest tightened when you heard the heartbeat for the first time, eyes prickling with tears. The rhythmic thump, thump, thump ticking through the monitor flooded your heart with a profound sense of relief.

Finally, something that was yours.

-

Tour stretched on, every night sold out. Press junkets, radio shows, interviews, and photoshoots were plastered all over social media, news papers, television, even the bus station adverts and shop bathroom posters. You quickly learned not to check your phone outside of calls and avoided the media. It was easy when you hardly had the energy to lift your head in the first place. Isolation was easier than breathing, and a lot less painful.

You had learned the hard way when you had tried reading the paper each day. You could leaf through mindlessly, until page 6 which always featured a half page spread of Van and a nameless girl, all uniquely the same. They always took similar form, as if made in a factory by formula: tight jeans and low cut blouses, cakefaced and bottle blonde; each one skinner, prettier, and younger than the last. Some looked like they had school the next day. You stopped reading the paper.

-

When you told your family you were pregnant, your mother cried--whether out of shock or happiness, you weren’t sure. Your brother punched a hole in the wall, then went outside to smoke. Your father just sighed--a long, deep sigh that validated his disappointment in your circumstances and choices.  His reaction was the most heartbreaking.

Unlike your mother’s reaction, you knew unequivocally that his was one of disappointment.  You were supposed to go to uni, maybe Oxbridge or a fancy American school or even elsewhere in Europe where you could learn a new language and lounge on picnic blankets in the sun with a bottle of wine and fancy cheese while mulling over your Literature seminar readings. You were supposed to be interesting and clever and successful and far away from here. Instead you were back where you had started, some wash up’s discards, nothing to show for it except a new dependent on your taxes.

Your brother followed you back to the guest house, determined to argue as ever. He was a man of few words until he was upset, and then every word cut like broken glass.

“Are you sure you want to keep it? It isn’t too late for you to finish up and go to uni.”

You had almost forgotten that you basically dropped out to follow Van on tour.

You had told your family that it would just be a couple stops, then you never came home. Until now.

-

One day your mother phoned in a rage after receiving a letter from the school that you had been expelled on the grounds of truancy. You remembered you told her you were turning in your work remotely—an obvious, bold faced lie.

Your relationship with Van had changed you from a studious rule follower to a fool, lucky in love, dropping out of high school to accompany someone else building their dream. Loving Van was like climbing a tree, higher and higher with no thought of how you would get down. But now you were flat on your ass, with another between your legs.

Your personality change had sparked concern in your friends in family, allegeding that you were “not that type of girl” to abandon everything for a man.

“I’m not really sure what type of girl I am,” was your only response.

After all,how could you know who you were meant to be when you were so young? Being with Van, being Van’s, was fun and exciting in a way you had never experienced. You’d never really dated, and didn’t have a lot of friends outside your brother’s friends, which was how you met Van. He was always nearby, goofing around and causing trouble.

Your earliest memories of Van were of riding bikes through town, collapsing in the cool grass when your legs turned to jelly and you could hardly peddle anymore. Van would blow dandelion seeds in your face while you giggled and rolled away from him. All of the hours spent under the gushing lemony sunshine ended in grass stained knees and freckled cheeks that lingered long after the popsicle drippings had been washed from your fingers.

That was the beginning--the familiarity; the quintessential bedrock of love that matures as you do, which each outgrown shoe and lost tooth. The type of childlike innocence entwined with companionship that warms your stomach just to think of, having had such a pure memory to call your own; an endless syrupy summer’s day that no one can take away from you.

-

As you grew and changed from girls and boys to women and men, your love morphed right along with it. There were many long stretches of time you hadn’t seen him at all, either from busyness with school or a row with your brother. But whenever you saw him again, that warmth returned right back to you, starting in your stomach and burning up to your sternum, bright and effervescent.

Your relationship mutated from platonic to romantic one night at a house party. Alcohol was still a novelty to you and two bottles of beer was your limit. You and Van were sitting together on a couch, the dim room filled with your other friends, illuminated only by fairy lights and the occasional flicker of a lighter. Van was telling ridiculous stories all while gesticulating wildly, each one making you laugh harder than the last. The combination of the alcohol and throwing your head back with laughter so many times had made you feel like you were on a rollercoaster, vertiginous and bubbly.

As if you hadn’t had enough, you got up to get another drink and fell back down onto the couch--except you missed your original spot by several inches and landed squarely on Van’s lap. You laughed out loud at your clumsiness. If you were sober you would have been so embarrassed! But your lowered inhibitions helped you see the humor in the situation. The room was aglow and the world was still big; the energy of youth electrifying the room.

Van instinctively placed a hand on the small of your back to steady you, and quickly jerked it up towards your shoulders as to not make you feel uncomfortable. A twinge of excitement seared in your stomach. You had never really touched before, and this felt nice in the most unexpected of ways--as if you had found something you didn’t know you were looking for.

You studied Van’s face, having never been so close to it. The perfect slope of his nose, the confetti of reddish freckles across high cheekbones, the pink pillowy lips that outfitted his wide mouth.

He must have been staring at your lips, too, because they clashed together as if drawn by magnet. There was no saying who kissed who as your heads met, puckering together needily. You wrapped your hand arms around him, leaning into his warm body so that your heads were resting on the couch, lips married together. His mouth tasted sweet like fairy floss, the room spinning like a carousel. You weren’t sure how long you made out for, but it felt like you were alone in the room full of people, coiled in the sweetest embrace that made time stand still. When you finally came up for air Van was grinning like he knew something you didn’t, gingerly tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I hope your brother didn’t see that,” he joked, making you blush.

You didn’t remember much of how the rest of the night went or how you ended up in your own bed the next morning, but the mere thought of having kissed Van so publicly both thrilled and mortified you. Surely people would talk--or were they all too drunk to notice? Did this mean he fancied you, or was it alcohol fueled happenstance?

At school the next week you heard his voice echoing in the halls, and turned to see him hanging on another girl while fraternizing with a group students the same year as Van and your brother. He tickled and teased her before hugging her from behind, then kissing her cheek with fervor. White hot shame flared inside you, ruddying your cheeks. You hurried home in a daze, scolding yourself for being so naive. He was a flirt and you were a fucking idiot for allowing yourself to be involved with someone like that--your brother’s friend, no less.

But the next weekend the same booze soaked gathering reoccurred, this time with more warm bodies packed into a smaller room. You sipped from a can while exchanging small talk with a girl from your chemistry class, wondering if you should leave or have another drink. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Van had arrived with the same girl from earlier, making a scene as he greeted his friends.

You decided to have another drink.

Cracking open a fresh can, you turned away hoping Van wouldn’t notice you. You smiled and nodded while your classmate blathered on, not registering a single word she said, unable to concentrate on anything other the imaginary tension in your head. The slick condensation beading on the aluminum can was your only anchor to reality as your body flushed from the discomfiture as much as the humidity. Though you hated to admit it, you wanted to be the girl next to him. Instead you slurped more beer, hoping to reach a level of inebriation where someone else started looking better.

Eventually the heat of the room became too suffocating to bear, and you excused yourself for a smoke. The noise of the party was barely a low thrum from the cement patio, despite being eight feet away. You sat on the very edge of the pavement, stretching your legs out into the dewy grass. The damp chill grounded you, your heart rate descending as you exhaled into the ether. The stars scrambled against the inky sky, floating in and out of focus as your nerves melted away with each crisp breeze. You were more drunk than you thought, but it felt nice out here where you weren’t being choked by calefaction and confronted with Van with the other girl.

The first drag of your cigarette was interrupted by a body shuffling next to yours, thumping down beside you on the cement.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here by yourself?” It was Van.

You scanned over the back of your shoulder to see if the girl was around you. She was not.

“I’m alright,” you sighed, tapping the ash from your cigarette onto the curb.

Van wrapped his arms around his crossed legs, shaking his hair out. From under his fringe, his eyes searching your face for clues to decode your expression.

You exhaled the smoke so at least there would be something between you to shield you from his intent gaze. The chirp of crickets in the distance filled the silence. Snuffing the butt out on the cement, you got up to leave without a word. Van grabbed your hand, stopping you in your tracks.

His expression nearly broke you, wide eyes begging for an explanation, confused as it was hurt. Letting out a deep sigh, you weighed your options: stay with him and exchange meaningless platitudes or leave. Leaving seemed like the better choice.

“I’m going home.”

Van sprang up. “You shouldn’t go alone this time of night after drinking. I’ll walk you home.”

Secretly, you loved the initiative he was taking. He wasn’t asking, he was announcing. This type of attention and caretaking were foreign to you, even as the kid sister and tagalong. No one ever fussed over you. Even though Van was known for being sweet to everyone, you were pleased as punch he was fussing over you.

Dark was the night as you trudged home, guided only by the flaxen incandescence of streetlamps and drunken intuition. For a long time neither of you spoke, reveling in the quietude of the sleepy town in the dead of night.

Van broke the silence. “So how’ve you been?”

“Same as it ever was,” you sighed, still uncomfortable with the hidden motive of his small talk. “Is your girlfriend gonna be upset that you’re walking me home?” Van laughed to himself, even though it wasn’t a joke. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Only partially did those words alleviate the tension that had been badgering you all night. The alcohol poisoning your bloodstream was making you bold.

“So you just kiss all your friends like that,” You kicked a bottle down the road. Van’s head jerked up, turning towards you.

“Let me kiss you not as a friend then.” You stopped dead in your tracks. Of course he could be bolder than you. For the second time that night, you looked into his eyes and saw he was serious. You could feel yourself freezing in place like a deer in the headlights, but your bodies were being pulled together as if magnetized. Van grabbed your face as your lips married; exchanging greedy, hungry kisses. His arm migrated around your lower back, pulling you into him, subsuming your bodies as one. You kissed as if you couldn’t breath without the other’s air, desperate and smacking.

Even when your lips finally parted, your figures remained cocooned together. Your noses brushed at the tip, studying each other’s faces. Never had you seen Van so still and ruminative before. He brushed his thumb across your cheek before imparting a final kiss.

“How’s that for not friends?”

-

Soon Van was coming to your house to see you more than your brother and their friends. He would meet you in the hallway to exchange forbidden kisses, risking demerits and suspensions. Now instead of lurking on the outskirts at parties you were right next to him, the center of attention, with his arm wrapped around you.

You could tell your brother wasn’t comfortable with your arrangement, but he never said anything discouraging. You had never smiled so much in your life, and people sometimes didn’t recognize you next to him. You drank more and wore less. School began to feel like a prison, entrapping you 8 hours a day when you’d rather spend time with your sweetheart. Even in subjects you loved, you couldn’t focus. You tried to study while the band practiced, but you’d always get distracted by how cute Van was and his never ending questions about their creative direction. You started helping manage their shows, calling venues and arranging transport and making sure every piece was in its place.

Soon you were helping out so much that you were hardly home and rarely saw your other friends. As the band became more successful, you would occasionally skip school to accompany them to far off gigs and events, reveling both in the rebelliousness of playing hooky and the sheer delight of watching your favorite person achieve their dreams.

-

One of your favorite teachers had warned you against following Van, confronting you during office hours when you had dropped in to ask about an assignment.  There was genuine concern in his expression, as if you were his own child that was making a stupid mistake.

“I shouldn’t be saying any of this, but you really should rethink your decision to leave. You could go to a great school and study whatever you wanted. You’re brilliant and clever and could charm the most stoic of souls. There are plenty of people in the world like Ryan, who will want to harness your energy to use for themselves. Don’t let them.”

You had thought he was just jealous, or perhaps had a tiny crush on you. You smiled at your past naivety. He was right. Your brother agreed.

“He picked you because you were hardworking and clever and too sweet to realize he was taking advantage of you! You were the best girl at that school and he fucking knew it. None of the girls like Alice or Nia would have lasted longer than a second with him! They would have crumbled from not being the center of attention, nor do they have a brain cell to show for it. He wanted someone to support him and do all of the hard work while he took credit for all of the glory. I mean, he didn’t even arrange you as a manager or assistant like Larry so you could get paid by the touring company!”

You hated when your brother was right, because it was a gut punch every time. He was a man of few words, but those choice words stung.  You had organized much of the band’s earlier endeavors, like communication with agents and venues and examining contracts for faulty clauses and loopholes. The band was hardworking and talented, but still too hungry for success to make good judgements on their offerings. Without you, they surely would have fallen prey to a lecherous label under a contract that would have destroyed them.

“I know it wasn’t malicious, because he can’t pull his head out of his ass to think about anyone else. He surely knows you could achieve more without him, the thought just never occurred to him because it’s his world and the rest of us just live in it. And now you’re having his child in the town he abandoned while he’s living out his rockstar fantasies. Did he ever even call you to make sure you made it home, and the plane didn’t fucking explode with his unborn child on it? Does he even fucking know your pregnant? Does he even care?”

You turned away so that your brother wouldn’t see the hot tears in springing from your eyes.

“You can go now,” you mewed, hoping he would take the hint.

“If he sets foot in this town again, I’m going to fucking kill him.”

It was a promise.

-

#this is a wip but i wanted to post it bc it is both cringe AND fail #catfish and the bottlemen #catb #catb fic #catfish and the bottlemen fic #vanfic #van mccann #van mccann fic #van mccann fanfiction

[skyblue-ringpops]

A Deep Dive Into Blaine Anderson

I wrote a six page essay analyzing Blaine Anderson.

Click to read it, I would really appreciate if you did. Keep in mind - it’s long. 

I hope you enjoy, and feel free to share your thoughts!

Warning: There will be discussion of neglect, abuse, homophobia, suicide, self harm, eating disorders, and sexual assault.

When we were first introduced to Blaine Anderson, he was made out to seem like Kurt’s mentor, very confident and open to being himself. It wasn’t long before he changed, and many would say that change was for the worse. As many people say, he became whiny, clingy, and, according to many of his critics, annoying. However, it isn’t hard to see that Blaine was struggling mentally, and these issues were never explored further. This essay will not only determine what he was going through, but explain possible causes and effects. 

We first meet Blaine at Dalton Academy, confident, accepting of himself, someone for Kurt to look up to and be guided by. But why does he suddenly change after season two? He isn’t being himself at Dalton, he’s being the way he’s expected to be. The Warblers all seem to have a similar presence that captures the spirit of the academy - formal, wise, confident. That fits the personality of season two Blaine. Why is he acting this way, though? There’s a few possibilities. One, he’s trying to fit in. Everyone else in the academy acts that way, and Blaine doesn’t want to stand out, he wants to fit in, something he wasn’t able to do at his old school. Two, he could have a mentor at the academy that he’s trying to act more like. Blaine is the head Warbler, but he isn’t the authority in the group. That role would likely belong to Wes or David, one of the members of the council. It’s possible that Blaine admired them or was inspired in some way, and tried replicating their behavior. Three, he could have been ashamed of his actual personality or feared nobody would like his true self, and tried hiding it either to fit in, as I said before, or to make Kurt like him. I personally don’t think this is the case since he took off his mask once arriving at McKinley. I think he was likely trying to fit the image of the academy, hoping it would prevent the bullying he faced at his old school. Although Dalton had a zero tolerance policy, he likely faced some trauma, and a simple policy wouldn’t be enough for him.

So, what happened at his old school? Blaine said that he and his openly gay friend were jumped at a Sadie Hawkins dance at their school, leading Blaine to transfer to Dalton. This affected him quite a bit, and it was shown multiple times. While at the prom with Kurt, Blaine seems protective of him at times and isn’t too sure they’ll be safe. The chance of this being his first dance since the Sadie Hawkins is very high, it’s no surprise that he’d be afraid, especially knowing that Kurt had been bullied in the past. After Tina very awkwardly asks Blaine to the Sadie Hawkins dance and gets rejected, she apologizes, thinking he said no because of his past experience. We know he said no because of his crush on Sam, however, I don’t believe that’s the only reason. He knew Sam wouldn’t feel the same way, and he knew Tina would have been willing to go as friends. Even if it wasn’t the main reason for him rejecting her, his trauma likely played a role in it. 

alton Academy was a place of refuge for Blaine. He went there after the bullying, he made friends, he met Kurt, the Warblers were probably the closest thing he had to a family, he almost went back after his very hard breakup in season four. It wouldn’t be hard to believe that Dalton saved his life, which I’ll get more into later. When the academy burns down in season six, it’s clear that he was very affected by it. He’s brought into the auditorium clearly upset, crying, quiet. When explaining what happened, he seems distant, sort of zoned out. Chances are, he watched the academy burn - many agree it is a boarding school so even if it wasn’t during the school day, it’s very likely he was there. But the fire probably happened during the day, it makes sense since there would be something that could have caused it. Even if he didn’t witness the academy burn, he would have seen the results of the fire, even if it was just in pictures. The academy was clearly important to every student, they did what they could to respect it. Blaine has an extra reason to hold it so close, That would almost definitely add to his trauma, especially since it was a place that meant so much to him.

The Warblers were the closest thing Blaine had to a family. What about his parents, what about Cooper? We met Cooper and Pam, and his father was mentioned. However, in a deleted scene, it is confirmed that Blaine’s parents weren’t present in his life, they were too busy with work. Cooper and Blaine didn’t have much of a relationship, due to their age difference. Blaine’s father and Cooper aren’t even at the wedding, although it wasn’t originally his. There was a deleted explanation for Cooper’s absence, he had a callback for an audition. The only explanation for his father’s absence was also deleted - an implication that his parents got a divorce. It’s hard to say the effect this would have on Blaine, it was deleted so we never saw his reaction, and we don’t know if it even affected him much due to their absence. Also, it’s more than likely that Blaine raises himself. In flashbacks, it’s shown that he didn’t have the best childhood. We see Cooper teasing him and not letting him play, and we see him play Operation by himself. Chances are, he raised himself. He probably had nobody to raise him, no role models. We know Blaine didn’t have the best relationship with Cooper, we saw in the episode Big Brother that, although they seemed to make up at the end, Cooper never really supported Blaine and constantly criticized him, and Blaine seemed jealous of the attention Cooper received. These problems have probably always existed, and could even be traced back to their parents, if Cooper got more attention or praise. Their parents were absent for most of Blaine’s childhood, but due to the age difference, we can’t definitively say the same for Cooper. As for their father, he isn’t talked about much, but Blaine does tell Burt that his father used to fix cars with him in an effort to turn him straight. Now, this is only based on what Blaine says, it’s possible that he just assumed this and his father’s intention was simply spending time with his son. However, even if that is the case, there has to be some reason for Blaine to assume this. Whether his father made homophobic comments in the past, reacted badly to Blaine coming out, or explicitly said he had an issue with Blaine’s sexuality and/or wanted to “fix him”, or if his father never actually did anything, and he assumed the worst because of something done by someone else, there has to be some reason for him to think this. His mother does seem to be the better parent, at least she shows up once and he doesn’t have anything bad to say about her. But that doesn’t mean she was all good, and just observing her behaviors at the wedding shows this. First of all, she’s shown dancing with Puck, which must be weird for Blaine. Imagine seeing your recently divorced (although I’m not sure if we can consider the divorce canon since it was deleted, making this situation even worse) dancing with one of your classmates, who’s only a year older than you. This next point isn’t canon, it’s more of a possible scenario. His mother seems to be acting drunk at the wedding, and is one of the only ones to appear that way. Again, not confirmed. But if that is the case, imagine this scenario - Blaine’s mother hardly being present, and drinking when she is. First of all, this would make it much harder for the two to bond, since she probably wouldn’t be focused as much on him. Second, there isn’t much she would be able to do for him, so he wouldn’t have a responsible adult around if he needed one. And third - again, this is entirely speculation - it could potentially have a negative influence on him. While it definitely doesn’t seem Blaine has a dependence on alcohol (it actually seems to be more of the opposite, since he’s apparently drunk after one beer in The First Time), it could have a negative influence on his coping mechanisms, shown when he and Dave Karofsky are explaining their relationship to Kurt, saying they met at Scandals. This may not seem like an issue, but remember, during season six, Blaine was too depressed to do much of anything, to the point of getting kicked out of NYADA, but still chose to hang out in a bar.

Speaking of his relationship with Karofsky, almost everyone agrees that he shouldn’t have dated his ex’s former tormentor, and many criticize him for that. But what was his reason for choosing to date him? There are a few possibilities. First, he could have actually had feelings for him, which I doubt. It isn’t impossible, but he clearly wasn’t over Kurt, and he knew how Karofsky used to treat him, although he changed. It is possible that Blaine was just taking whatever he could get, like after the season four breakup when he was finally able to move on due to a crush on Sam, likely developed out of loneliness. Also, his feelings for Dave quickly disappear when he realizes he has a chance to get Kurt back. Another possibility is that he chose to date Dave to upset Kurt, out of spite possibly, but Blaine doesn’t seem like the type to intentionally hurt someone he loves. He usually tries to take on the role of a protector, so why would he try to hurt Kurt, even if he was upset with him, especially knowing what Dave did in the past? The third reason, which seems the most probable to me, is that Blaine dated Dave because he was seeking pain or abuse. There’s a few reasons why he could have done this. One, it isn’t uncommon for survivors of abuse, which with his father, Blaine might be, to seek out more pain after their abuser has stopped. It’s possible that, if his father was abusive, he did stop sometime around season 6, since Blaine likely doesn’t live at home anymore and if his parents did divorce around this time, he may not see his father anymore. Two, it could have been a form of punishment. If he blamed himself for the breakup, he may think he deserves pain for hurting Kurt. He also could have been seeking pain in order to feel something. He was extremely depressed after the breakup and likely felt numb, and in his mind, pain would be better than that. Finally, he could have been with Dave thinking he couldn’t do any better or didn’t deserve any better. This could be a result of the breakup or his previous insecurities shown in season 5.

Now, let’s take a closer look at his insecurities. Insecurity is something that has been covered quite a bit on the show, but is typically done poorly. In Blaine’s case, his insecurity makes him jealous and many criticize him for that. When Kurt begins a more healthy lifestyle and gets in better shape, rather than being happy for him, Blaine becomes jealous, tries to reverse his progress, and turns to the internet because he doesn’t feel comfortable around Kurt. There are some suggestions that Blaine may be going through something many characters in the show face - the eating disorder that only lasts one episode. There are many implications that he may be binge eating at the beginning of the episode, and even after deciding he wants to get into shape, continues consuming a large amount of calories, seemingly using it as a coping mechanism. However, this issue was completely overlooked, just like many others throughout the show. He also says to Kurt, “One day, you’re gonna wake up and realize that ‘I don’t love him anymore.’” He has the belief throughout the episode that Kurt is better than him, and could do better. However, this isn’t the first time he has a mindset like this. When Kurt texts Chandler, Blaine accuses him of cheating despite doing something similar with Sebastian and seeing no issue with it. When Kurt graduates, Blaine worries that the long-distance relationship won’t work for them, he worries that Kurt will leave him. When Blaine meets Elliot, he confronts him for trying to steal Kurt from him, despite both of them assuring him they are just friends. Kurt hasn’t done anything to make Blaine believe he isn’t loyal or wants to leave him. It seems that Blaine has abandonment issues, which could be traced back to his parents’ absence. This would also explain his clinginess and dependence on Kurt. Even when Kurt isn’t around, he always seems to have one person he latches onto. For example, in seasons four and five, he’s hardly seen without Sam, and even in season six, when he seems to go everywhere with Dave and moves in with him very quickly, and the only times he is without them are usually when he is with Kurt.

Blaine’s anxiety is shown in more ways than just his abandonment issues and clinginess. For example, when Blaine is reconsidering his choice to audition for NYADA and instead claims he wants to be a doctor despite having no prior interest, he is avoiding a cause of worry, a common symptom of anxiety. He also shows signs of an anxiety attack during the shooting. He’s shown sitting quietly, crying, and hugging his knees. He’s okay at first, but later panics after being shushed. He most likely thinks everyone is mad at him for making noise, and fears that if anything happens to them, he will be blamed. When Ryder calls “Katie” and the phone rings, everyone tells him to turn it off except for Blaine, who can be seen mouthing “Turn it off please” but doesn’t make a sound, likely because he’s too scared to speak. He doesn’t move and is the only one to not touch anyone during the lockdown. Even when Sam is trying to leave, Blaine doesn’t help, just covers his ears and tries to block it out. This could be signs of PTSD. Throughout the experience, he seems almost childlike, for example, curling up, audibly sobbing, clinging to Sam, and being the only person to call his parents and greeting his mother with “hey mommy”.

Along with his anxiety, Blaine is shown to have severe depression, which is especially notable during seasons four and six, but likely existed even before his transfer to Dalton. He talks about being unable to sleep and eat after he and Kurt broke up in season six, and was even kicked out of NYADA due to his lack of motivation. He nearly transfers back to Dalton after the season four breakup, a place of refuge for him, because everything at McKinley reminds him of Kurt and he can’t handle it. He even shows signs of being suicidal in seasons three and four. Season four has less to discuss, he says a few things that suggest he either is or is becoming suicidal, showing signs of severe depression and acting as if he has nothing left. In season three, though, there is more to look into, and if you aren’t paying close attention, it’s easy to miss. Both examples are from the episode On My Way. The theme for regionals is inspirational, and Blaine chooses to sing the song Cough Syrup. The song is viewed as a cry for help from the band when they were first starting out and unsure what to do. However, the song is not about suicide. It’s about the difficult decision to stray from the norm and do your own thing, or do what is expected of you. In fact, upon viewing the episode, the band said they never thought of the song in that way. However, many listeners do think of the song as being about suicide, and we don’t know what Blaine’s interpretation was. Later in the episode, the club discusses suicide. Everyone makes eye contact, and when they say what they are looking forward to, everyone laughs and smiles. However, Blaine doesn’t. Rather than looking at everyone else, he looks down, rubbing his wrists, suggesting possible self harm or suicidal ideation. He looks sad throughout the discussion, and his only smile, towards the end of the discussion, looks very forced and his eyes still look sad. Due to his past, it wouldn’t be hard to believe he had thoughts of suicide at some point, whether before Dalton, or during seasons three, four, and/or six.

My final point will be discussing this article. The article points out some inconsistencies about Blaine and sex, from his open discussion with Burt, casually bringing up masturbation, his sometimes sexual song choices, the car scene after he and Kurt go to Scandals, and his talk about sexy faces, to his argument with Sam when he says he’s “not for sale”. He shows no discomfort most of the time, until one suggestion makes him become angry and defensive. His character did go through quite a bit of changes, which could be an explanation for his inconsistencies, mixed with Glee’s notoriously bad writing, but there is another way to look at it: some kind of sexual trauma during his childhood. The ability to have a mature discussion about it can be explained by his exposure to it at a young age if this is the case, since, depending on his age, he would probably need an explanation and a discussion with adults, possibly strangers, if he came forward about his experience. He could, depending on the trauma, view sex as a way to gain approval. And if his dad actually is homophobic, this could be directly linked with Blaine’s experience, with his father possibly believing his sexuality is a result of the trauma. The presentation of his trauma could differentiate every day, being perfectly fine with talking about it one day and not wanting to the next. This could also provide a bit more of an explanation for the car scene during The First Time, if Blaine’s experience happened at a young age and that was his first exposure to and therefore the foundation of his understanding of sex, Blaine may not realize when he goes too far. We know that, whether this theory is true or not, Blaine experienced sexual assault when Tina “vaporaped” him. He doesn’t seem too bothered by her, and she even becomes one of his best friends after it happened. However, the response to trauma I discussed earlier seems to be present. Sam brings up the event later on, meaning he knows about it, and since the chances of Tina or Kurt (the only other ones who know) telling him aren’t high (Tina because she wouldn’t want to admit to it, unless she slipped up like she did with Kurt, and Kurt because he wouldn’t want to reveal Blaine’s trauma), and the fact that Sam brought it up in front of Blaine, shows that he was likely okay with talking about it. He wouldn’t tell Sam if he wasn’t okay discussing it, and if they never talked about it, Sam probably wouldn’t casually joke about it in front of him. If Sam thought the comment he made was okay, he probably didn’t think it affected Blaine too much. However, when Sam brings it up, Blaine clearly looks upset. It did have a negative effect on him, and it was more than likely traumatic. And there’s a possibility that it may not have been his first experience with sexual trauma.

There is no question that Blaine had a rough past, and many of those struggles continue to affect him. However, the show, for the most part, ignores them. I hope that through this essay, you were able to learn a bit more about Blaine, understand his inconsistencies and behaviors that seem out of character, to look past the surface level. Blaine is one of the strongest characters, but his issues are hardly ever brought to light. Keep in mind, a lot of this is speculation, headcanons, or analysis of background information that may not have been scripted. Respectful discussion is encouraged, and feel free to share any additional observations, theories, or headcanons, or suggest another character for me to look into.

#glee #blaine anderson #deep dive #blaine anderson headcanon #blaine anderson hc #blaine anderson angst #character analysis #glee blaine #klaine #blam

[annabethy]

24 for the prompt list PLS

no escape (isn’t the worst thing)

in which percy and annabeth broke up, but he can’t remember why,, percabeth

Percy had thought he healed. He was finally able to wake up in the morning without her on his mind. She didn’t flood his thoughts every time he walked by the library where they first met. She didn’t terrorize him at night when he remembers the way she had looked their last night together, pained tears streaking down her face.

He thought he was better.

It all came crashing down the second he saw her standing there in the corner of the room, hardly recognizable with the multicolored lights showering over her. Maybe anybody else wouldn’t have noticed her, but he did. He doesn’t think he could ever miss her.

She hasn’t seen him yet, and so he stays put a while longer. He is paralyzed, unable to move, but that’s okay. He uses this time to really look at her for the first time since they broke up. Her hair has grown longer, and it looks tamer. He wants to run his fingers through her curls — to see if her hair is still as soft between the pads of his fingers, to see if she still feels the same.

Percy knows that they had problems. There were months of screaming at every waking hour, downpours of tears, slammed doors and missed calls. They weren’t healthy, and so they had ended it. He can’t even remember who had initiated the breakup. All he can remember is what’s scarred into his memory — her grey eyes, hurt, broken, shattered to pieces, knowing he was the reason. He had wanted to reach out, apologize, promise to fix this, but he hadn’t.

He thinks maybe he’s the reason they didn’t fit anymore. He just couldn’t see it before.

Still, she looks — amazing. Her face is shadowed, half illuminated by blues and reds and greens. There’s a red solo cup in her hand that makes him think that she’s been drinking, and now he is compelled to go to her, to make sure that she’s okay, to protect her from the outside world. But it’s not his place.

Somehow, Percy still finds himself walking towards her. The room is crowded with dancing bodies, but he pushes through, everyone else at the back of her mind. He doesn’t know why he’s going to her. It’s as though he didn’t even have a choice as his legs move him, one foot in front of the other.

A million thoughts pass through his mind, but the one on the front of his mind is that he thinks he might be in love with her again.

(He thinks that he might have never stopped being in love with her to begin with)

An internal voice screams at him to stop. Her last words to him were to never come back, yet that’s exactly what he’s doing. He should respect her wishes, and he does, but she looks uncomfortable and miserable, and he has to know if she’s okay.

All too soon, he finds himself planted in front of her, stumbling for words. All he can breathe out is, “Annabeth.”

She looks up, mildly surprised. He can tell from the flush in her face that she has been drinking. She’s still able to maintain her composure, and it’s so Annabeth that he almost smiles. His stomach doesn’t allow him to do that though as she replies, “Percy.”

And it’s awkward. He’s staring down at her, and she’s staring up. Their eyes are locked for the first time since they broke up. “I just —” He swallows hard, suddenly short on air, but he has to say something. “Are you okay? You were standing here alone, and I was worried, and I know we haven’t spoken, but I still care, —”

Annabeth interrupts him with a subtle smirk. “I’m fine, Percy.”

He nods slowly. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Once again, they’re at a standstill. He half expects her to reach out and smack him or turn around and walk away. She doesn’t, in the end. She stands there in his presence, now doing anything to avoid looking him in the eyes.

Percy wants to hear her voice again. He misses hearing it at night, whispered into his ear when they’re pressed up against one another. He wants to hear his name on her tongue, and he wants an excuse to say hers, to feel the perfect way it rolls out of him. He ends up blurting something out about how lame of a party this was, which it really isn’t at all. It’s at one of the frat houses, filled with just about everything there is to do. Nothing about it is underwhelming, and he nearly turns around himself to drown himself in the pool at the stupidity of his statement.

Annabeth’s eyes gleam. “So lame.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” he says miserably.

“Well, this is arguably hilarious,” she says. “You don’t even remember how to talk to me.”

“I don’t remember a lot of things,” he says, and it’s painfully true. He doesn’t remember why he ever left. He doesn’t remember why he didn’t fight. He doesn’t remember why they ended the way that they did, or why they weren’t good for one another.

A beat passes, and he thinks he said the wrong thing. Then: “Why don’t you try and remember?”

“I’m not sure I know how.”

Annabeth nods as though she understands. He wonders if she does know exactly the way that he feels.

Does she feel the same icy sensation settle inside her?

“Should I try, then?”

All he can do is nod weakly.

“I remember when we first met, and you were so nervous you could barely speak. When I think of you, that’s what I see.”

It’s funny, because when he thinks of her, the first thing he sees is the slam of the door as she left and never looked back.

“And…” She looks anywhere but him. “I miss you. I find myself coming home wanting nothing more than to walk into your arms, but then I get there and you’re not there.”

Annabeth looks so small right now, and he wants to hold her to make up for lost time. Instead, he says, “Me too.”

She runs a hand through her hair. “Why did we end?”

“I don’t know.”

“You say that a lot,” she says, but she doesn’t sound frustrated.

“I don’t know much of anything anymore.”

“Do you still know my favorite color?”

“I remember it used to be green, for the color of my eyes. I always hated them, but you would tell me it reminded you of the sea and give me a kiss.”

“It hasn’t changed.”

“The color or the reason?”

“Both.”

Percy’s heart is speeding up.

I love you I love you I love you I love you.

“I was in love with you, you know,” Percy says, like an idiot. “I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend, but I did love you.”

“You were in love with me?”

“Do you really want to hear the truth?”

“That depends on what it is.”

“I still am,” he admits. “But that’s never going to go away.”

She stutters. “Maybe… that’s for the best.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did we end, Percy?”

“You left.”

“Why did you let me?”

“I couldn’t stop you.”

“You should have.” She licks her lips. “If you had just told me to stay, I would have.”

Somehow, that hurts more than any other scenario he’s imagined.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she says. “I — I love you. And I miss you.”

“What are you saying?”

“We weren’t good for each other. We hurt each other, but things change. We were together for four years, so you’re always going to be the person I love. But maybe that doesn’t need to change.”

“Annabeth…”

“Percy,” she parrots. “At least for one night. It can all be over tomorrow if that’s what you really want but let me have this. Just for one night.”

He can’t believe she thinks that he would ever want to be with her for just one more day. He wants a lifetime, but that hope had shattered. At least, he thought it did. But now, she’s in front of him, offering him a chance at a life together. They’re messy, but they’re in love, and —

He drops everything and kisses her hard.

#percabeth #percy jackson #pjo #annabeth chase #percy jackson and the olympians #my writing #anon #asks

[wonder-womans-ex]

Curtain Call

Act One, Scene Five 

Sirius knows he’s petty. Extremely so. Petty enough to send the elevator all the way down to the ground floor so that Remus has to either take the stairs or wait, at least.

What Remus said is still wheeling in his mind. Remus kissed someone else. It hurts, yeah, but he’ll put on his brave face. He’ll move on. 

The thing that hurts most—the thing he can’t ignore or get over—is that he’s not sure whether he’s more upset that Remus cheated, more upset that Remus dumped him, or more upset that Remus didn’t give him the chance to break it off. Remus should have owned up to it, and he should have given Sirius that choice. It’s like he said when before he left the staff room—maybe he would have ended things, maybe he wouldn’t have. 

He should have at least had the option to break Remus’s heart like Remus broke his, but instead Remus just broke his twice. 

Sure enough, Remus is five minutes late to the seminar, and Sirius knows that Lily’s pissed. What he doesn’t know is whether she’s pissed at Remus, or if she’s figured out that Sirius is the reason behind the delay and is pissed at him. She seems the type to just know these things. 

He’s pretty sure he’s not imagining her glare in his direction when she says, “We’ll start in a minute or two; John will be back by then with the papers we need for today’s lecture,” but he decides to ignore it. After all, if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s ignoring his problems. 

Well, and running away from them. It depends on the day and what mood he’s in. 

He also doesn’t miss the fact that when Remus does return, he pulls the classic ‘take one and pass it on’ instead of handing out the papers one by one. It’s probably so that he doesn’t have to look Sirius in the face. 

When the stack reaches him, Sirius has to reach back a whole row of seats to get to the next person. He almost tips over in his chair, but manages to save himself a sore tailbone—and a whole lot of embarrassment—at the last minute. 

The page is split into five sections: theme, topic, setting, characters, and story objective. He remembers, vaguely, learning some of this in grade seven, but that’s where his memory blanks. (What the everloving fuck is a story objective?)

Apparently he’s about to find out. 

Lily claps her hands together in an incredibly teacher-like way. If he didn’t know better, he would have a hard time believing this is the same woman who so aggressively played matchmaker (or maybe she was actually trying to drive them further away from each other; thinking back on it, Sirius can’t actually tell) only a few minutes before. “Well,” she says, addressing the room at large, “who can tell me what a theme is?”

There are a few raised hands, and she calls on the boy just behind Sirius, with chocolate-brown hair and more freckles than he can count. “It’s what the story is about. But like, in an abstract way.”

“Very good.” Lily takes a whiteboard marker out of her jeans pocket. Turning to the board, she draws a T-table, labeling one side theme and the other topic. Under the first heading, she writes abstract, and, across from it, concrete. 

“Theme and topic are often confused, because they’re both what a story is about. But—what’s your name?”

“Benjy. Benjy Fenwick,” says the freckled boy. 

“But Benjy here has hit the nail on the head. The difference between theme and topic is that a theme is abstract—a concept, or an idea, or a feeling—while a topic is concrete—such as a person, place, thing, or event….”

Sirius begins to zone out. Absentmindedly, he grabs a pencil and begins sketching on the smooth, polished wood of his desk. A circle, an oval, a line here and there, some shading—slowly, his doodle begins to take shape. By the time Lily says, “Now, who can give me some examples of a good story theme?” and people start calling out their answers, he’s perfected the glint in his anime-style eye. 

“One last one. How about you, by the back, with the Blue Jays shirt?”

(Of course she’s pretending she doesn’t know his name. Lucky him—he’s always wanted to be demoted back to ‘hey, you.’)

His head jerks up. “Uh, relationships,” he says, because he’s a walking cliche and, yes, of course that’s the only thing on his mind. Why wouldn’t it be?

“There’s an interesting one.” She adds it to the board, right underneath hardship, pressing hard enough that the nib of the pen squeaks. “It could technically be counted as a topic, too, but it works well as a theme.”

There’s a pause as she looks around, seemingly searching for a suitable place to put her pen. Finally, she gives up, tucking it behind her ear. 

“What I want everyone to do now is think carefully about what theme they want to write about. You can pick as many as you want, and you can add more later, but it’s easiest to focus on just two or three. You can pick one of the ones we came up with here, or it can be something totally different, but make sure it’s something that speaks to you.”

Her words resonate in Sirius’s mind. Something that speaks to him? He starts to write, his large printing cramped in the tiny box, and he gets halfway through the second C before he erases it again. He has to think for a minute. He doesn’t want to write about success, not when there’s so little of it in his life right now, but he doesn’t want to write about something dark, like suffering, either.

Loss, he puts down with finality. On second thought, he adds healing. And then, just because he feels like it, friendship. 

The clock on the wall says they have twelve more minutes before they’re finished; he wonders what else they’ll do before the class ends. Right now, the only sound in the room is the quiet scratching of pencils—soothing, he must admit, even though he personally prefers the excitement of applause—and it seems as though he’s the only one who’s finished. 

He lets himself look around, his eyes flickering from the clock to the whiteboard to the person sitting to his left. They dart to the door at the other side of the hall, and forward to where Remus is... staring right back at him. 

The two lock eyes for a good fifteen seconds before Remus lowers his gaze to the floor. It’s not much of a victory, Sirius knows, but it’s a victory nonetheless.

So why doesn’t it feel like one?

There’s not time to burrow any deeper into his own thoughts, however, because Lily is writing once more on the board. Unfortunately for him, he can’t see what she’s written—even when she turns around—because her head is in the way. 

“I assume most of you have your themes, and even if you don’t, you can always come back to it. Right now, we’re going to move onto topic—surprise surprise, also what the story is about, but this time on a more concrete scale. Let’s take Romeo and Juliet, for instance, because I’m fairly sure it’s a story we all know. Does anyone have any idea what the topic is?”

Silence. 

Sirius, usually the self-aware one in any situation (but apparently not this one), knows there are two possible reasons as to why he raises his hand. Unfortunately, he does not know which of them it is. The first is simple—he’s confident has the answer, and he wants to share it. The second is both a little more complex and a little more likely, and that is that he doesn’t know what the answer is and maybe, just maybe, he wants to prove to Remus he’s not afraid to take risks. 

Either way, his tentative “Love?” is declared—spoiler alert—incorrect. 

“Wrong,” Lily says. “Love is a theme, not a topic. Try again.”

Well, he wasn’t expecting a second chance. (It seems he only ever gets them when he’s unprepared.) (Maybe there’s a lesson in that.)

“Um… people in love?” If the first answer wasn’t right, this one won’t be either. He knows that. But it is, frankly, all he can come up with. 

“Ding-a-ling-a-ling,” Lily deadpans, which actually sounds a little funny in that accent of hers. He’s not going to mention that, though, because he’s on pretty thin ice already where she’s concerned. “Correct. Yes, maybe they sound like basically the same thing, but they’re not. The way I like to put it is this: if you can draw a picture of it, chances are it’s the topic. If you can’t, chances are it’s the theme.” After a moment, she adds, “I probably should have said that at the beginning. Whatever.” 

This causes Remus’s lips to twitch up into a smile. In fact, it’s only just now that Sirius realizes he’s watching Remus at all—he could have sworn he stopped—and he forces himself to look away. 

But he really can’t deny it any longer. He really can’t deny that that little smile, happy and pure with just a hint of mischief, still makes his heart pound and his brain turn to mush. He really can’t deny that despite everything—despite the breakup, and the recent confession, and the promises made late at night that he’s getting over this, he really is…

He’s still in desperate, painful, middle-grade YA novel love with Remus/John/does-it-really-matter-what-his-name-is Lupin. 

#wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #remus x sirius #muggle au #university au #I really hate this chapter but whatever #it needed to be published

[curious-menace]

Arkham!Riddler SFW Alphabet

When I started this one I figured it would be easier since I can riddle as bi and ace and this is all non-sexual but my god was it difficult. It's hard to separate what i'd like from a partner like riddler from what this version of riddler would actually be like.  I've done my best but if you have anything you'd like to add, feel free to hmu!

LONG POST UNDER THE CUT

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Edward can be affectionate in quite a superficial way. He’s not above using someone's affections for him to get what he wants out of them and he certainly isn't above feigning affection for the same reason. Although unless you were head over heels for him, his faux sincerity would be pretty obvious. 

However with a partner he actually likes i can imagine he’d be very affectionate with his actions more than his words. Riddler loves to talk but expressing actual love can be difficult for him, whether it’s romantic or platonic, saying how he feels about you is one of the few things that doesn't come easy. I can see him spending a lot of money on you as a gesture of affection; fancy food , clothes, first editions of your favorite books or vintage versions of whatever you collect. He’d quite happily pay for your education/college and any and all books you might want. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Being a “best friend”  would probably be at your insistence and not his. He’s likely left any childhood friends behind (assuming he had any to begin with) and I think as an adult, Edward would have trouble making friends. Like most things, Edward treats friendship as just another tool in the bag, he can count the people he actually gives a shit about on 1 hand. 

If you were lucky (or unlucky depending on your view) to be considered one of those friends, expect lots of phone calls about bailing him out, riddles turning up in weird places ( like in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn in a while) and him helping you out with your cerebral challenges( like your quarterly tax return, no eddie i can't just NOT do it will you put down the rubix cube and help me)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’ll never admit it, not even under pain of death, but Edward likes to be held. Now there's a few caveats to this; his rules and on his terms etc.  He likes to lie between your legs with his head on your chest, either facing you for a hug while he naps or away from you, using you like a pillow while he reads or tinkers with something.  He likes having his hair played with and his back gently stroked until he falls asleep.

He keeps up the facade of being totally touch adversed for good reason, the other rouges just do not respect personal space, even ones like killer croc and clayface. For the sake of his suits, he keeps this up even in private. But if you were someone special to him, you might convince him to toss his arm around your shoulder or waist. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

When he’s doing well mentally, he’s pretty good at taking care of himself. Or at least, looking like he takes good care of himself. He can cook and clean a little but he has the cash to pay other people to do the more menial or time consuming stuff for him. Not that he’s above it, he just prefers to spend his time on other things and is happy to compensate people to save him from doing it. These days he's more focused on other things to be bothered with domestic chores, his place is very messy. 

Settling down is an alien concept to him, not one he’s eager to explore. Expect him to turn his nose up at the prospect of marriage but a platonic long term partner, someone for company, someone to act as a sounding board for ideas or even just someone to (gently but firmly) kick his ass into looking after himself would be pretty ideal.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d probably be thinking long and hard about it beforehand. Like weeks if not months in advance. He’d want to give you the perfect breakup and, depending on what happened, try his best to part as friends. He doesn't deal well with sudden changes to his routine, particularly with no plans ahead. On the other hand he might just pussy out and ghost you. He’s fickle like that.

If it was your doing, well. Edward takes these sorts of things as a challenge. He might even assume you were joking the first time around. After he got the message, I sense he’d probably be quite clingy and upset. It’s taken a lot for him to get so far with you and he wouldn't let it go without a fight. He might try to change or at the very least , be better at hiding whatever it was that you want to break it off.

Failing that expect a lot of texts from blocked numbers almost but not quite begging or apologizing and asking for more chances.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like I said above, marriage isn't for him. I doubt he'd be compatible with a religious person given his childhood and outspoken atheism. He MIGHT if pressed, give you a question mark themed ring or token as a reminder that you were his. No papers, no ceremony, just something small. If you proposed expect him to be flustered and , if you can believe it, at a loss for words. He might go radio silent on you for a few days before giving you an answer but i honestly couldn't tell you what it might be. He does enjoy the thought of someone referring to him as “my husband” thought, so maybe persistent begging i'll get you somewhere. 

Some sort of Commitment appeals to him from a practical point; having someone to rely on, to fall back on and to care and be cared for by. It's not a normal relationship by any stretch of the imagination but it’ll be special all the same.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Edward isn't an imposing man. He might be tall but he’s all sinus and no mass. He has gentle hands but can be careless when he’s in a mood ( with objects, never with you). He's broken a lot of plates, computer monitors and mechanical pencils over the years. He lacks a lot of social grace to treat things with the necessary amount of sensitivity sometimes, but he has the sense to at least TRY and be emotionally gentle. Situations of abuse or self worth issues, things he has personal experience dealing with are things he can easily empathise with .

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Short story, yes but only coming from a trusted partner. Long story is that he has a hard time not flinching when someone hugs him by surprise. You should ask before you do it. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Edward is the kind of person to fall head over heels very quickly. He might say I love you before it's socially appropriate, it honestly might make you a little uncomfortable. But once that initial infatuation dies he's a lot more guarded with his feelings. He’d say i love you in a superficial way quickly but a genuine i love you with real emotion would take a lot of time and thought from him before he actually committed to it. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

If you look up jealousy in the dictionary, you'd see Edward's picture. Obviously he is a deeply insecure man, he’s terrified you’ll start to think of him the way he thinks of himself and seek out someone better. You need to nip any signs of jealousy in your relationship in the bud early on. Otherwise Edward will become controlling, manipulative and possessive to the point of alienating you from other people, simply for the sake of having you to himself. You need to set healthy boundaries while also doing your best to accommodate his need to be validated and his need for reassurance that you do in fact want to be with him. He gets snappy when he’s jealous, with you and other people. He has temper tantrums like a child if you don't agree with him. Like for example if he thinks someone was flirting with you and you tell him they were just being friendly. 

All that said, I genuinely don't think he does it for the sake of being a controlling partner. He is just so very afraid that someone he actually gives a shit about will leave him like everyone else in his life. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I should point out that he doesn't kiss often. But when he does,He’s all over the damn place. What he lacks in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. He is a very sloppy kisser when he gets into it but generally his kisses are very short and chaste. Like i said, he doesn't really know what he's doing so he's all over the place in terms of location. I think smooches on the cheek  because it's easy access, for him and you. He likes body worship, so if you're kissing him, anywhere will do as long as you're praising that part while you do it. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Edward does not like children but he’s good pretending for the sake of his image. Childrens naturally inquisitive nature coupled with his bright and colourful appearance makes for some entertaining moments but in the long run I can see him worrying too much: about screwing the kid up, about being perceived like his father, about the child not meeting his expectations etc. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's more of a night owl tbh. If you're living with him he might wander into the kitchen while you're getting breakfast , wondering why you're up so late. You'd have to tell him he’s accidentally pulled another all nighter. He might have coffee with you and talk about what he was working on, maybe ask if he could have some breakfast with you. But by the time it's cooked he’ll have passed out on the sofa.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Edward prefers to work and operate at night so expect him to be in a flurry of activity, building things, calling people and working at his computer. He likes to have company, even if you aren't doing much talking. It would be nice for him to just spend time with you while you both work on your respective projects. Sometimes he gets his shit together and lives during the day like most people ( read as, when he’s just been to prison and has an actual schedule for once) he would like to unwind with you by watching game shows or playing video games.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Edward has a bad habit of gloating about his accomplishments but in a way that is so obviously false it unintentionally tells more about him than he really wanted to. Like in Arkham knight, he gloats about “not having any friends at all” in reference to his riddler bots when Catwoman teases him. He meant that as a snipe at catwoman but the fact he’s so open about his lack of friends, to most people anway, is incredibly sad. 

He’s a well known villain, if you didn't know most of his backstory before dating him it would be hard to miss once you were together. He’s unlikely to tell you it himself, having to repeat it time and time again in therapy has him perpetually bored of the subject .

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He gets upset quite easily, he has very limited patience . He’s used to other people's cuts and jibes so he mostly lets that roll off his back with only a little annoyance. But for stupid people, and people outright insulting him, dismissing him or for acting like batman he is liable to start seeing red very quickly . In your relationship I would say he is easily irritated by a lot of things, generally a bit grumpy if things don't go his way but rarely as angry as we see him in the climax of Arkham knight. He doesn't yell or shout at you but he will seethe and let his anger fester for days at a time. He can be very mean when he’s angry. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

You would think for someone with a photographic memory, he would be better at remembering things about you. It's not to say he DOESN'T remember, only that he requires prompting to do so. Yes, he will remember everything about you but he puts it in the back of his head so he can focus on other things. Don't be surprised if he lets important dates slip by or does things at the last minute because something reminded him of it. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's probably something innocuous that you wouldn't think of, or even realise he was there for. Maybe he remembers meeting you in a coffee shop months or years before you met and started dating. He remembers because you held the door for him or gave him a genuine smile. You were something colourful in his gray day, something hard to forget. I doubt he tried to build a relationship out of that one moment but when he met you again he would remember that and decide that it was fate or something.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Edward is protective in a strange way. He’s most powerful in situations where he controls everything , which isn't usually possible in real life as he's not a particularly strong man. He has more power in the digital world so that's where he feels most comfortable looking out for you. He might watch you on security cameras to make sure you get home safe, send you texts to check in or hide your profile from the police. You can be online together and in the public eye ( for him to brag about you to his online followers of course). To tie back in with his jealousy, he would be pretty protective initially but if you told him to back off, he’d be careful to do it more secretly. 

Edward needs to be protected in a lot of ways, mostly from himself. He’s not good at looking after himself, either physically, mentally or socially. His big mouth gets him into a lot of bother so he might need you to act as a social filter. He’s had several large breakdowns in the last few years and with arkham closed for good, he has no support besides you. He needs to be grounded and kept in the present lest he get wrapped up in his thoughts. 

 T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) 

Honestly? He doesn't really try. He's very lucky in that he can pull something out of his ass last minute and it would still have a similar effect to if he’d spent the whole month planning. Someday it's going to blow up in his face big time but he doesn't seem to care.

Same goes for everyday tasks. He's usually so focused on his own stuff that he doesn't realise other things need done. He's a master of doing things at the last second and still making it look like he put in effort.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of underestimating people, even you. He might be inclined to patronise you when you try to do things for him but just showing him that you are a capable human being is usually enough to shut him up. He's very egocentric, narcissistic and conceited, but given everything he's been through, it's not really his fault he's like this. What is his doing is his refusal to work on his faults or try to grow as a person. Perhaps with the right encouragement you could help him but don't hold your breath. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Normally yes, Edward is narcissistic and very concerned with his looks but recently, with his mental health declining, he's forgotten to take care of himself. I imagine when/if he snaps out of this funk he’ll be mortified by how he’s let himself go. He’s more concerned with how he looks socially, how he might be perceived and his reputation than what he physically looks like. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Edward is and always has been convinced he was meant to be alone. He’s somewhat made his peace with that . there would always be a hole in his heart that he really thought nothing could ever fill. But meeting you? Well that changes things. Edward will never be a complete, well rounded person but having someone to kiss his wounds and pour their love into the cracks in his being is infinitely better than being alone. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I mentioned in some of my mini headcanons for him that he used to do gymnastics as a kid. It wasn't so much that he wanted to or even enjoyed it all that much, in his highschool you just had to pick a sport and it was one of the only things that wasnt team related and had the lowest chance of being hit in the head with a ball, bat or racket. He was pretty good at it, even if he didnt like it that much , and probably could have taken home some bronze or silver awards in his state if his parents had encouraged him. Nowadays he can barely do a pullup but he's still got most of the flexibility, even if repeated breaks at the hands of batman have left him a little sore while he does it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Edward doesn't like people appearing to be smarter than him. but his ego usually protects him from acknowledging that fact. he doesn't like bullies, despite being one himself . but his most hated trait in people is alcohol use/ dependency. If he knew you were an alcoholic he likely never would have started dating you but even the odd drink will make him turn his nose up. of course, hes a hypocrite , when hes feeling really sorry for himself he will definitely drink his sorrows away in whatever hole in the ground gotham rogues frequent. the self loathing is as strong as his hangover the next morning. he knows hes like his father, in more ways than one and it makes him sick. any mention of alcohol is likely to bring up these feelings

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Edward is a chronic insomniac but there is one thing that is guaranteed to send him right to the land of nod and that is having his hair played with and his back stroked. I don't know if it was one of the few kind touches he ever received as a child or if his parents did it when he was a baby but it's one of the few things that makes him feel truly safe and cared for. Riddler has spent the majority of his life alone, so finding a partner he trusts enough to allow them not only into his space but also his bed would be a difficult thing. If that's you, however, expect him to be badgering you every night to help him get to sleep.

that took a lot longer than i thought it would! arkham riddler is obviously my favorite so i was trying to write a lot for him but i hope i havent been rambling

if you want to talk more about any of the riddlers, hmu!

#riddler headcanons #The Riddler #Riddler #arkham riddler #sfw alphabet #edward nygma #edward nigma #batman arkham knight #arkham knight riddler #arkham knight #headcanons #my headcanons #my stuff #my art

[drethanramslay]

Without You

Pairing: Logan x MC (Lexi Cahill)

Masterlist

Word count: 2.5 K words

Warning: Just a little cursing, here and there and Angst

MC is actually not present in this fic, this is Logan's POV, four months after he had to leave LA

Author's note: I decided to take part in @rodappreciationweek so here is my submission :)) 

Thanks to @choicesarehard @brightpinkpeppercorn and @client-327 for hosting this 💙

Thanks to @mvalentine for pre-reading it❤️❤️

Title inspiration: Without You by Avicii (ft. Sandro Cavazza)

Song: Gone by Blake Rose

Forgive me if I make any mistakes.

The rays of the sun spilled through the crack in my curtains, making the white walls a yellow hue. My eyes were bleary and red rimmed. It had just been moments since I woke up and my hangover struck me like a train wreck, a familiar electric pain behind my eyes.

I shouldn't have drank so much.

I moved my head to only see an an empty bed side. Of course she left. Who would want to stick around after a one night stand?

The hazy memories of last night filtered through my head, making me wince. Another night, another rave, another tray of shots and another chick to bang.

You could call it saturday shenanigans but, this was different.

Everything was different since I left her.

All my days just seem to melt away into a haze of alcohol and drugs... Today, tomorrow, yesterday seems to fuse into this neverending torture, an ache which no matter how much I drink or how many girls I fuck, never fucking ceases to hurt. The only thing which can fix this gaping wound in my heart is Lexi.

But she is not here.

And never will be.

So this is how it has been for the past weeks. Me getting inebriated to new extremes just to numb the pain and to temporarily erase the loneliness before I become sober again.

Because when I'm in those intoxicated wastelands, I'm so out of it that I can almost hallucinate her dancing with me. I can almost smell her strawberry shampoo, tickling my nose. I can almost hear her tinkling laugh.

And in my alcohol induced sleep, I dream of her in my arms the both of us fitting together, like two jigsaw puzzles.

I despise being sober. Because when I am In my senses, the entire load of loss weighs down on me, crushing me and suffocating me. The 'could have been's' and the regret are all a heavy burden on my shoulders.

A small part of me is often wishing, praying and hoping that things could just go back to normal but, deep in my gut I know, that nothing is ever going to be the same again.

Nothing is ever going to be the same, now that she was gone...

How much time does it take to get over people?

It may be a day, a week, a month or a year. There is no definitive time span for getting over someone you loved, someone you cherished or someone who was close to your heart.

I think it depends on how much of an impact the said person had on you or how much of a void that person left in you.

I was the wild and carefree guy, with no strings attached and never saw myself being the one to fall in love because... Let's admit it, love is a vulnerability, a weakness which people don't hesitate to exploit.

But fast forward to four months later, I am in the same category as those emotional pussies crying over a breakup.

Being brought up in foster homes made me grow up quickly. Some houses were good and caring whilst some were harsh. And knowing that I am the most cursed person to walk the earth, I was always was stuck with the shitty households.

Don't believe me? I still have those scars from the fights and the beatings.

Growing up in such a hostile environment, taught me that there is no room for weakness or error and that love and feelings are just some fairy tale myth which is made by philosophical fools to give you a sense of hope.

But, hope is a dangerous thing, two side of the same coin. It can make you and break you.

I don't think I would have survived my childhood but... That's when I fell in love with cars.

It holds a special place in my heart.

The way my adrenaline spikes as the pointer on my speedometer achieves unattainable speeds, the way I feel the purr of my engine resound through my entire body and they way it's just me, my car and the open road... Nobody could ever compare to that sensation of freedom.

Well, that was before I met her.

Lexi Cahill.

I admit it started off as a way to recruit her as an informant, a tool to stay out of prison, another heart to break.

But little did I know that life would pull the fucking reverse uno card on me. But, I'm low-key glad it did.

It's been 4 months since that scum bag was thrown into the jail.

Four months since the crew went its separate ways.

Four months since I walked away from her.

I don't want to let you go...

Those words were on a repeat in his head, like a broken tape recorder and her teary eyes and broken expression is forever burnt into his brain. It was so hard to let her go. The one time I found a reason to stay, a reason to fight for, a reason to stop running, life just fucked it all up.

It was a tussle, a war between what my heart wanted and the logical side of me which just left me exhausted.

In conclusion, heartbreak sucks.

I reach for my phone and switch it on to check the time. But my eyes fall on our prom photo which I had made as my wallpaper. It's really stupid how head over heels I'm in love with her.

But it's the truth.

There is a saying that life gives you only one great love and that many people go for years without that.

I was one of the few lucky people to get that at 18.

But life is not sunflowers and unicorns shitting rainbows. It's rough, it's hard with its a mix of ups and downs. But it seems like mine is set to be on the all time low.

Staggering to the bathroom, I heavily leaned against the counter, my muscles flexing as I gripped the edge. My eyes lifted to see my reflection staring back at me.

I look like a hot mess.

This isn't you Logan... My inner conscience said, which eerily sounded like her.

God, I really must be losing it, huh?

Slowly and painfully I started my morning chores, my body on auto pilot. My mind kept on wandering to Lexi. She would be in Langston by now.

Would she be in that off shoulder sweater of hers, her feather tattoo peaking from underneath the sleeve? Would she be highlighting and colour coordinating her notes like she always did?

Would she have made new friends? Or dare I say a new boyfriend?

Logan stop hurting yourself. I said to myself as I visibly cringed at the thought of someone else having their arms around her.

The idea of someone else kissing her soft lips or someone else holding her hands or someone else running his hands along the curvature of her naked back made me equal parts angry and sad.

Angry for you know, obvious reasons but sad for the life I had to leave behind in LA.

God I hate this existential crisis shit... It's to early to question life.

I dragged myself in the direction of the kitchen, the smell of bacon waking me up. I was shirtless and wearing a pair of sweatpants because I was too fucking tired to wear anything else.

"Look who has decided to grace us with their presence."

"Shut up Carl, it's too early for your bullshit." Raven said as she slapped the top of his head.

I shot her a look of gratitude as I sank into my seat and reached for the plate of pancakes.

Carl and Raven were the closest thing to parents for me. Carl was a tough man with huge muscles, around six feet tall but, he was as goofy as a child. Raven was his girlfriend who was hella intimidating. The kohl lined eyes and the floral tattoo on the side of her shaven head made her look fierce. Both of them were in their early thirties and ran the Detroit Central crew.

We three were in a different crew when I was 15 and they really took a liking for me. They taught me everything I know and they are the family that I always came back too.

I dug into my breakfast, eating slowly and savouring the sweetness of the maple syrup.

"Thank god you are atleast eating now." Raven said as she ruffled my hair and turned towards the sink.

I shrugged and Carl picked up the newspaper to read, settling into his seat. Suddenly, the bell rang which had all of our backs becoming as stiff as a rod.

"Were you expecting someone, darlin'?" Raven asked, trying to peak through the windows.

"Don't get up, I'll do it." Carl said as he picked up the gun on the counter and pushed it into the back pocket of his cargo pants.

I was frozen, terrified. I had been very careful in escaping but me being the reckless fool and getting drunk seven ways to Sunday may have tipped them off.

I'm such a colossal dumbass.

I could hear Carl's gruff voice talking but I couldn't peek at the person on the other side of the door. I just sank further into my seat, hoping that it was some lost person and not the FBI.

"Boy this one's for you." He moved aside and the person I least expected to see walked in.

"You look like shit."

"Good morning to you too, asshole." I rolled my eyes.

Colt walked into the kitchen, wearing his trademark leather jackets and dark jeans. His combat boots made a thud sound with each step which made my headache worse.

"Will you be okay, Lo-lo?" Raven asked, her eyes flitting to the jerk standing in her kitchen.

Colt snorted at the nickname but luckily kept his mouth shut.

"Yep Ra. Meet Colt Kaneko. Colt meet Raven and Carl." I spoke at I stood up and put my dirty dishes in the sink.

"Oh you are Kaneko's boy, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"We heard about what went down in LA. Our condolences. He was a great man."

He gave a nod. It was a sore subject for me as well. That night in the alley, I wished I could take it back. I usually am not one to regret what I spew but whatever I said to Kaneko is another burden I'm gonna carry all my life.

"Also heard about your crew busted the Brotherhood? You were the mastermind behind it right?" Carl said as he crossed his arms.

"As much as I would love to take the credit, it was Lexi who came up with the plan." Colt said his eyes darted towards me, gauging my reaction.

"The newbie? Heard she drives like the wind-"

Hearing her name felt like an iron fist clenching my heart. That name will always be the source of my happiness, my cherished memories and my melancholy.

"Colt let's take this to the backyard, shall we?" Logan spoke up, interrupting them.

He walked to the back door and Colt followed him wordlessly. It a sunny day but a cool breeze blew which provided some kind of relief.

I reached to take out two beers from the cooler and handed him one. Colt raised an eyebrow.

"Beer... At ten in the morning?"

I shrugged as I popped the bottle cap off mine. "It's 5pm somewhere else."

"That's true too. Cheers." We clinked the necks of our bottles and took a sip as we sat down on the patio chairs.

I turned towards him. "So what brings you to Detroit?"

"To see your pretty face?" Colt said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

I snorted. "Always knew you had a thing for me, pretty boy."

"Always knew that you had an ego the size of Jupiter, dickhead. Some things just don't change."

I sighed. "Can't say the same for me through. Everything is different now."

Surprisingly, Colt didn't mock him. He stared down at the bottle in his hands. "Yeah... I can understand. How are you holding up?" He asked as he turned to face me.

I took a huge gulp of my beer before responding, my eyes staring at the mango tree in my neighbor's back yard.

"Not too good. It's been hard for the last couple of months. Kaneko's death, leaving LA and maintaining a low profile... It's been tough."

Life without Lexi is tough.

"Yeah I can understand. I still imagine pops opening the door to wake me up. And don't get me started on the FBI... bunch of bloodsuckers." He muttered the last part.

I snorted. "I'll drink to that."

"Good thing they are off our backs now." Colt spoke eyeing him from the corner of his eyes.

I scoffed. "Bitch please. They are anything but lazy. They are gonna continue hunting us down till the end of time."

"I meant that we are not the top priorities at the moment. Sure Mona was sent to jail but, a little birdie told me that they are after this 'world class' thief at the moment."

"That's a relief I guess."

"Do you know what this means?" He asked taking another sip of beer.

"It's too early for my brain to function. Come to the point, asshole."

"We are rebuilding the crew, dickhead."

My eyes widened. "No way."

"Yup." He said popping the 'p'. He downed the remainder of his beer before standing up. "I'm done repairing the garage. We have a job in two months and I need a crew for that. I already have Ximena on board and now I'm gonna go over to Toby's."

My mind was swimming. Mercy Park Crew was coming back for good.

I looked up at him, suddenly nervous. "What about Lexi?"

He rolled his eyes. "When I said I'm rebuilding the crew, I also meant recruiting Lexi, dumbass."

Oh god.

She is going to come back.

I was frozen in my place once again. I had often asked myself how I would react if I got the chance to meet her again. I always imagined that I would let out the loudest cheer and dance like a mad man.

But this is reality and my thundering heart was a reminder of that.

"Why are you sitting there with your mouth open like a fish? Go! Get your girl."

And that was it. I rushed to my room, put on some decent clothes and haphazardly stuffed my things into my satchel. Grabbing my keys and yelling a quick good bye to Raven and Carl, I was out and in my 2005 Devore GT.

Reving the engine I took off on the roads of Detroit, heading for the highway.

The window was open and the breeze threaded through my unruly hair, making me feel alive. My hands clutched the wheel and my foot pressed down on the accelerator, speeding through the empty streets.

For the first time, in a very long, the roads which felt like a never ending maze for me, were the very ones which were the path to my freedom.

The path to my happiness.

The path to my Lexi.

I hope you liked it 😊

Logan x mc: @kaavyaethanramsey @openheart @skylarklyon @shadowycreatorpaperopera @pixelberryownsme @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @anotherbeingsworld​

Permanent Tag list: @trappedinfandoms @oofchoices @agent-breakdance @rookie-ramsey @dailydoseofchoices @colossalpainintheass @siaramsey @raleigheffingcarrera @theeccentricbibliophile @ac27dj @ramseysno1rookie @justanotherrookie @openheart12 @jamespotterthefirst​ @checkurwindow​ @chasingrobbie​ @junggoku​ @bellcat2010​ @choicesstan1​ @mvalentine​ @crazynutella​ @hatescapsicum​ @dr-ramseys-rookie​ @lilypills​ @decadentwinnerjudgedream​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @nooruleman​ @anonymously-cool​ @sanvivrma​

#anushka writes #logan x mc #logan rod #ride or die #ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices rod #rod choices #rodaw #rod appreciation week #colt kaneko #rod colt #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #choices #pixelberry #playchoices #rodappreaciationweek

[leesh]

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

#leeshmas2k20 #no one probably cares but i just thought it would be fun! #might actually post these on letterboxd too