#when this song starts don’t talk to me…I am absorbing

[taeminsupremacist]

#when this song starts don’t talk to me…I am absorbing #oohyo #audio #Spotify

[ageofstarkey]

untitled snippet: band!marauders x new-to-the-band!reader

summary: You're James Potter's little sister and he asks you to join his band. Remus Lupin, the Marauders’ moody bassist, makes you regret agreeing.

content: bassist remus x singer/guitarist reader, potter!reader, "enemies" to lovers, mature content (alcohol, tobacco, and drug use, swearing, etc…)

note: hi so i've never posted any of my writing on here, but i recently started fleshing out this marauders band au in my free time, so i wanted to post a snippet to see if anyone like...actually would be interested in reading it if i were to write a Proper Fic™️

wc: 0.8k ish

✩✩✩✩✩

On one particularly late night, after a particularly infuriating comment from Remus, you snap. You stand up before he’s even finished speaking, letting your banged up acoustic clatter unceremoniously to the floor. Truth be told – you hardly even processed what he said, so irritated by the goddamn way he said it.

“Y’know what?” You’re overtired and practically seething, a half-smoked cigarette trembling between your fingers. “I’m fucking done. With all of this.” You toss your cigarette into the over-stuffed ashtray on the table, paying no mind to the way it bounces and falls, still smouldering, to the wooden surface below. “And honestly? It’s a real goddamn shame because I think you guys have something special. And I think we’d be really damn good together if he -” You jab a shaking finger towards Remus, who looked rather unmoved. “- wasn’t so fucking self-absorbed.”

James tries to defuse the situation, but you’re storming out of the room before he can finish a sentence, intently ignoring him on your way to the front door. You slam it harder than you mean to, shakily inhaling as you step into the chilly midnight air. With a trembling hand, you reach for the cigarettes in your pocket, sliding one hastily from the box. You feel the familiar sting of tears in your eyes, silently berating yourself for being so sensitive as they roll down your reddened cheeks.

Minutes have passed, and you’re halfway through your second fag when you hear the familiar creak of the front door opening behind you. With a soft sniff, you wipe hastily at the lingering tears on your cheeks. You look quickly over your shoulder, hoping for James and sighing quietly when you see Remus standing just beyond the doorframe. His hands are tucked coolly into the pockets of his jeans, and he stares at you unflinchingly.

You turn back around, taking a long drag from your cigarette before stubbing it out on the damp concrete. “If you’ve come out here to offer your two cents on my lyrics, I’m really not interested.” Your voice is clipped and steady when you speak, despite how badly you want to scream and shout in his stupid arrogant face.

His converse scuff lazily against the ground as he takes a few careful steps towards you. Your eyes remain intently trained on your boots, back firmly facing Remus and the house. “I didn’t come out here to talk about your songs, Y/N.” His voice is soft and your heart pangs strangely in your chest. You don’t say a word. He takes two more steps. “Would you believe me if I said I wanted to apologize?”

You scuff the toe of your boot against the ground with a scoff. “Not really.”

“I didn’t think so.” Remus laughs softly, and you swear you can hear the smirk on his face. It’s infuriating how amusing he seems to find the whole situation. He takes another step, and suddenly you can feel his tall figure looming behind you. You want to turn around – you want to say something, but you can’t bring yourself to move a muscle. “Whether you believe me or not, I am sorry. I’ve been a proper arse and…” He trails off, evidently searching for his next words. Your heart thumps anxiously in the silence. “You haven’t done anything to deserve it. So I’m sorry.”

His words are followed by a long stretch of silence where neither of you speak. You open your mouth once, twice, trying to offer a response, but you come up short both times. Remus eventually speaks, his shoes scuffing against the damp ground as he takes a step back. “I’m not trying to change your mind or anything, but for what it’s worth, I think we’d be really damn good together too.” His voice is low, steady, and effortlessly confident. Without another word, he leaves, and you don’t dare breathe until you hear the front door shut behind him.

When you finally find the strength to stand, you walk home with your thoughts racing a million miles a second. Needless to say – you’re back at the Marauders house the very next morning. James – who’d been calling you all night, smiles with wide eyes when you walk into the living room behind Sirius. His shoulders drop in relief, and you almost feel guilty for intently ignoring each and every one of his calls.

Remus, in a surprising turn of events, is the first to speak. He’s sprawled lazily on the couch, a ring clad hand resting on his upper thigh. There’s a cigarette tucked behind his ear, and he wears a knowing smirk that makes you want to cuss him out. “Not giving up on us yet, hm?”

His stare doesn’t falter when your eyes find his, and you hate how quickly you look away with warm pink cheeks. “Don’t make me regret it, Lupin.”

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #rockstar remus #rockstar marauders #band remus lupin #marauders band au #“enemies” to lovers #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fan fic #remus lupin imagine #the marauders #the marauders era #the marauders fanfic #the marauders imagine #rockstar marauders au #rockstar remus au #marauders au #bassist remus #marauders fanfiction #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin x y/n #potter!reader #70s band au

[justmeinadaze]

Take It Out On Me Part 14 (Steddie X Plus Size Reader)

A/N: I am so in love with this version of them <3

Warnings: Daddy Steve/Sir Eddie and Sub Plus Size Reader and all that implies (I regret nothing!), SMUT, ANGST, and FLUFF!, Spanking, degrading, edging, throat grabbing, smacking, Reader talks to her parents about her love for them (her dad gets into a fight; only the aftermath is mentioned), Eddie and Steve both briefly talk about their parents and trauma (mentions of child abuse and abandonment), Reader is bullied in this one (called names like whore, fat, pig) but the guys make a stand for her. Word Count: 6638

Your mom rises from the booth she was waiting in to give you a hug after you entered the restaurant you were supposed to meet in for lunch that afternoon. 

Steve and Eddie were extremely apprehensive about letting you go alone but you were able to find a middle ground, asking them to drop you off and then pick you up in two hours. 

The conversation started off a bit awkward with casual small talk being exchanged about school and the prom you went to put together by the three people you loved the most. After you both cleared your plates, you mom finally found the courage to ask some questions. 

“Did you know them before hand?”

“Kind of. It was more I knew OF them. We didn’t really become friends till the end of junior year and then got together later after summer.”

“Are they good to you?”

“Of course, mama. No one’s ever treated me the way they do. I love them so much.”

“Th-that’s what I don’t understand, Y/N. How can you love two people? Something HAS to get into the way.”

You shake your head as you lean back in your seat. “I don’t know how to explain it. Trust me, I thought about it a lot. Whenever I think ‘how can I love two completely different men’ the first images that come to mind are Steve going with us to movies he hates but he knows I like them. Him dancing with me in Eddie’s bedroom to a song on the radio or buying me different body washes and perfumes just because he thinks I’d like them. I think about Eddie’s face when he took me my first concert and sang obnoxiously loud with me as the band played.”, you giggle. 

“I see him whining when I’m trying to help him study but he still intently listens to me, making sure I know he appreciates me helping him. They both hold me after I wake up from a nightmare and listen to me when I cry. They take care of me and do whatever they can to make me smile.”, you shrug. “I love them.”

She chews on the inside of her cheek as she absorbs your words. “Did I ever tell you the first time your dad met your grandfather, the night ended with him in jail?”

Your eyes widen as you shake your head making her laugh. 

“He was only there for a day but, yeah, my dad HATED him. He said your father was ‘a dirty hippie who would never come close to being good enough’ for his daughter. God, I was so embarrassed.”

“How did dad end up arrested?”

“I told my father that I loved Rob and no matter what we were going to get married. He got angry and tried shoving him out the door. When I went to follow, he tugged me back, and hurt my arm so…your dad came back swinging.”, she smiles as she shrugs. “Definitely proved he wasn’t a hippie.”

Her grin grows when you laugh hard at her story. 

“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you.”

“Yeah…”, you sighed. “Mr. Harrington hasn’t made it easier.”

“What did Bill do?” You filled her in on the rumor he started and how it spread through the school. How it led to the boys getting into a fight for you and everything else that followed. “I’m going to kill that son of a bitch. He thinks he’s so high and mighty—”

“Mama!”, you giggle as you reach for her hand. “No. No killing. Honestly…it’s nice to hear you defend me…like you just did.”

“I know it doesn’t excuse what happened but the reason I didn’t before…I was just in shock…I didn’t…”

“No. I…it’s alright. I forgive you.” You look at your watch as your alarm beeps. “I should get going. The guys are picking me up.”

“May I walk you out?”

You beam at her as you nod. As soon as you both step outside, you’re met with Steve leaning on the driver’s side of his BMW with his arms folded as Eddie sits on the hood smoking a cigarette. 

“Charming.” She raises her eyebrow in their direction and they quickly scramble to attention making you smile. “Have you three found a place yet?”

“No ma’am. We went looking though near the campus. We thought that would be better so she could be near school while also being closer to Masie.”, Steve answered.

“Maze is staying at the dorms on campus.”, you explain when she glances your way before shifting her gaze towards Eddie. 

“I’m sorry my husband hurt you.”

The metalhead shrugs. “He didn’t hurt me. Would have hurt her though if he hit his intended target.”

Your mom looks away in shame. “I didn’t…He’s never…I never thought he would do something like that to you. We always said we would never hit our kids.” She sighs as you reach for her hand. 

“So did my father. It wasn’t so much ‘Hey honey. We’ll never hit our kids when we have them.’ But more ‘I know I beat the shit out him this time but I swear it will never happen again.’”

“Ed. It’s alright, bud.” Steve pats him on the back to calm him down. 

Without warning, your mother steps forward and grabs the metalhead’s chin firmly, forcing him to look at her. 

“Do you love my daughter?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

He tries to turn out of her grasp but she just grips him tighter. 

“Yes ma’am.”

“Would you ever hurt her the way Allen did with you?”

Fire filled his eyes at her question. 

“No. Ma’am.”, he growled.

She nods before releasing him from her hold and turns to face Steve. 

“Do you love my daughter?”

“More than anything…ma’am.”

“Calm down, Mr. Harrington. This isn’t a popularity contest.” 

As she quizzed him, you stepped to Eddie’s side and intertwined your fingers with his as you laid your head on his shoulder. 

“Would you ever cheat on her and hurt her the way Bill does with your mother?” His head cocks to the side in surprise. “Not a big secret, sweetheart, I’m afraid.”

“No ma’am.”

“With all due respect, Steven, out of the two of you I’m more worried about her with you. I have eyes and ears. I know how big shot Steve Harrington ran around Hawkins showing off with different girls on his arm.”

This time, it was his turn to get angry.

“I’m not like that anymore. She…Y/N, made me want to be better.”

Her eyes softened at his admission, even more so when she took a step back and saw how you were with Eddie. 

“Did she tell you about Christian?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Fucking asshole.”

Your mom laughs at the metalhead’s choice of words. “You’re not wrong. Hear me boys, if you ever hurt my child, I will do way worse than what I did when it came to Mr. Wexler. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”, they respond in unison. 

She smiles before coming over to give you a hug. “I’ll talk to you later, ok? And I’ll talk to your father.”

“I’m sorry about that.”, you say to them after she leaves. “You two alright?”

“Yeah…are you?” You nod and wrap your arms around Steve as he comes to stand in front of you. “Was that normal? That integration style hello?”

“Um, I don’t know to be honest. You’re the first guys I’ve dated to really meet my parents.”

***

“Where have you been?”, your dad asks as your mom walks in the door.

“I had lunch with Y/N.” He responds with a hm before turning back to face the tv. “Rob, I think you should talk to her. She…she really does care about them and they genuinely seem to have her best interest in mind.”

“Bev, this is the last time I’m saying this. No.”

You mother sighs as she begins heading for the bedroom. “Apparently Bill is telling the town our ‘whore daughter’ brainwashed his son to use him for his money and status. When Steve confronted him, he said he couldn’t ‘use her properly’ because she’s not good looking and has no connections in town.” 

She watches as his fist on the arm rest of the couch clenches.

#############

“Wow, this place is fucking amazing.”, Eddie murmurs under his breath.

“It really is.”, Steve agrees. “Can we afford it?”

“I think so. With all three of our incomes—”

“Oh my god! This place is beautiful and so close to the campus. It’s also not too far from the mall so you guys can sleep in before work.”, you smile as you sigh. “It’s perfect.”

It takes you a moment to realize that their faces don’t match yours. 

“It is perfect…right?”

Eddie returns your smile as he walks over to you to kiss your forehead. “Yeah, sweetheart. It is.”

“We don’t have to pick this one. I know there are some others we can try and—” His index finger cuts you off as he places it over your lips. 

“Do you like it?” You nod earnestly. “Well then, come on Harrington, I think we have some forms to fill out.”

***

“Yay! You three found an apartment.”, Masie claps as you beam at her from your side of the lunch table. “And you’ll be so close to. You’ll have to give me a tour after school some time before graduation next week.”

“Of course! And I found this place a couple of hours away, that has furniture for really cheap. It’s donated and it’s so nice. Eddie, can you reach in my bag and grab that brochure for that store for me?”

He gently nods as you and your friend keep talking while he digs in your backpack. A wadded piece of paper falls onto his lap and he quickly catches it, pausing as he takes a look. 

“My mom said she would help us move. I’m so excited—”

“The fuck is this?”

You all turn to look at the metalhead as he holds up the note in his hand.

“Oh, um, it’s nothing. You can throw that away.” As you reach over the table, he pulls his arm back, keeping it away from your grasp. 

“It’s nothing, huh? ‘Y/N Hawkins Fat Whore. Available for the right price. For recommendations see Freak Munson and Bitch Harrington. Fill out applications. Oh who are we kidding. She’ll have anyone. Just ask!’”

“Who the fuck gave you that?!”, Masie growled in anger.

“I don’t know…I found it in my locker.”, you answer in a small voice as your head fell. 

“When?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Bullshit.”, Steve grumbled.

When you finally found the courage to look their way, it was worse than you expected; they were fuming. You couldn’t tell if it was at you for not telling them or whoever left the note in your locker.

“How many times have you gotten something like this?”, Eddie asked.

You knew you were in trouble and didn’t see the point of hiding it anymore. Grabbing your bag, you pulled out a folder, flipping through papers till you found what you were looking for. You handed them to Steve who looked them over with his friend. 

“What’s it like fucking a freak? Does he summon the devil or draw symbols with pig’s blood?”

“I bet Harrington cums early every time. Too bad I don’t like fat chicks or I’d take care of you.”

“Ugly…disgusting…whore…slut…you should be ashamed…no wonder mommy and daddy don’t love you anymore.”

Steve’s jaw tightened; he recognized the handwriting. Abruptly, he rises from the table, gathering the papers in his hands as he heads straight for his old table, the popular kids table. Tommy is mid joke as the man slams the notes down with his palm startling everyone.

“Do you think you’re funny? Sliding these into her locker?”

“Steve, we have no idea—”

“You don’t even have the balls to say it to her face or mine. Don’t worry. I do. You leave her the fuck alone or I swear to God. I will make your lives hell and not just until graduation.”

“EVERYONE LISTEN UP!” Eddie climbed on to the popular kids table as he addressed the room. “That beautiful woman right there?”, he points to you. “She’s not our whore and we aren’t using her. We’re not Christian Wexler. We have no problem telling you assholes that Y/ N is ours. We love her and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you fuckers keep treating her like garbage. If Steve and I catch anyone sneaking these bullshit notes into her locker or making fun of her in any way we WILL have a problem!” 

He jumps back down onto the floor next to the other man and tears up the notes they left you. 

“Do you understand me?” Everyone looks down nodding their heads. “Oh, come on gang. Don’t get shy on me now. Wouldn’t want to summon the devil to come have a word with you.”

Their eyes widen as they verbally confirm his question before he tosses the torn up paper at Tommy. Both men come back to their seats and casually continue eating their food, heavily breathing as they try to calm down. 

“Munson…”, a male voice speaks his name as he slowly walks by your table. 

“Mr. C.”

“Problem?”

“No, sir. No problem here.”, he answers without looking his way. 

Your teacher nods before a little smile forms on his lips as he passes you by, lightly tapping your shoulder as he continues monitoring the room. 

It takes them awhile before they finally glance your way and notice you two smiling at them. 

“Calm down. You’re still in trouble.”, Eddie smirks as he tries to sound angry. 

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, well, we did.”, Steve huffs. 

Your grin grows as you slide your chair back and come around to sit on his lap. His arms immediately wrap around you as you circle yours around his neck. As you lean your forehead against his temple, he lets out a heavy exhale. 

“I love you.”, he mumbles.

“I love you to.”

###############

“Hey, baby. Wow, you guys picked a good spot here.”, your mom grins as she enters the apartment.”

“Right? I love it. I was afraid we’d have to settle for something small which is fine. I just thought Eddie deserved a bigger space after growing up in that small trailer. Steve doesn’t care either way. He says he always thought his dad’s house was too big. I think it’s just because he spent so much time alone.”

Her smile grows as she listens to you talk. The more you speak about them the more she sees your genuine care for them, allow her to understand a bit more about your relationship. 

“Jesus Christ!”, Eddie exclaims as both men stumble through the door carrying a couch. “And…by that I mean—”

“It’s ok, Mr. Munson. You don’t have to suck up to me.” You mom laughs before turning her attention back to you. “After tomorrow you’ll officially be a graduate. Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”, you giggle. “I’m just ready to leave those kids behind.”

A sudden knock startles everyone as your father slowly walks in. “This isn’t where you guys are putting the couch, right?”

Both boys turn to you, unsure of what to do. 

“Are you lost, Rob?”

You dad exhales as he playfully glares at your mom. “No, Bev. I just…I thought maybe…I don’t know…I’d see the place…It’s, uh, it’s nice.” As he pulls his hands out of his pockets to gesture around the area, you notice his knuckles are bleeding.

“Dad! Oh my god.” You don’t even think twice as you grab his arm and lead him over to the sink to wash his wound. Steve and Eddie exchange a glance before looking towards your mom who holds up her palm assuring them that everything is under control. “What happened? Steve, can you grab the stuff from the bathroom?”

He nods, disappearing and reappearing with things to take care of your father as you both sit at the table. Still not sure of how to proceed he and the metalhead sit across from you while your mom sits next to her husband on the end. 

“I, uh, went to talk to Harrington today. Not you…the other one.”, he follows as the boy looks at him confused. “Bev told me what he said at the bar and what you told her he said to Steven.” Your father shifts his gaze towards him before looking back down at his knuckles as you clean them with antiseptic. “Thank you…for trying to defend her.”

“I love her for her. I don’t care what she looks like or where she comes from.” Eddie lightly nods his head, agreeing with Steve’s words. 

“I went to his house and confronted him. Let’s just say he won’t be posing for any pictures anytime soon.” He chuckles but it fades as no one laughs along with him. While you wrap his cuts, he turns towards the other boy. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”

Eddie folds his arms over his chest. “Thanks but I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. That hit wasn’t meant for me.”

When he focused his attention back to you, your eyes were downcast as you placed your palms in your lap. Your father sighs as he leans back. 

“I AM sorry for…The whole situation was just…a lot. I don’t get it. I don’t think I ever will. When I met your mom, I knew I loved her. I couldn’t picture loving anyone else. How can you…I mean?”

“That’s how I feel about them. I…”, you shrug as you try to find the right words. “I can’t explain it. Since the first conversation we had, I knew there was something about them.”

 “I just…I had no idea. I never thought you would ever do something like this. Where’s the line, Y/N? I mean what else are you capable of?”

“She’s capable of anything.”, Eddie answers. “That shouldn’t scare you. You should be proud of her. She’s not afraid anymore. When we met her, she was so timid to the point that she would literally fold into herself so people would leave her alone. Look at her now. She got into college, her own place, she’s actually fucking smiling…sorry.”

Your mom smirks as he apologizes.

“Dad, I’m not…running around having a relationship with everyone. We aren’t going to add people to our dynamic. I love THEM. If we…we broke up…I wouldn’t go searching for two people to be with again. It’s not a preference. It just is.”

Your father nods as he leans back in his seat before his eyes meet yours briefly and he softly smiles. “So is it just the couch you guys got today or is there more?”

“Um, her bed is in the truck outside.”

“Well, come on, gentlemen. Let’s get the last of the stuff up here.”

##############

“Alright, freaks and weirdos of the class 1984, smile!” Steve holds up the polaroid and takes a picture before handing it back to Masie. You giggle as he obnoxiously shakes the image in his hand. 

“We are finally free and I am so excited!”, your best friend grins as she does a little dance. “How does it feel, Munson? You were almost held back.”

“Yeah, thanks to princess here, I made it by the skin of my fucking teeth.” Smiling you lean over and kiss his cheek. 

“I’m glad BOTH your parents decided to come, Y/N.”

“Me to.” You sneak a glance at Steve as his eyes shift down to the risers you four were sitting on. “I’m sorry yours didn’t.”

He flashes you a slanted smile, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to bring your closer to his side as he kisses the top of your head. “Even if they didn’t hate me right now, I don’t think they would have come. All this stuff is beneath him.”

“Well, I’m proud of you; both of you.” 

Eddie grabs your hand, bringing the back of it to his lips.

“Jesus Christ, Ed. Can’t you ever just look fucking normal for a picture for once?”, Steve asks after the polaroid finally displayed the image he took. 

“What are you talking about, Harrington? That is how I normally look.”

“Do you want to hang out tonight?”, you ask Masie as she hands the photo back to the boys. 

“I can’t tonight. I…have a date.”

“Ooo…with who?”

“None of your business, Munson.”, she answers playfully before whispering towards you. “I’ll tell you later.”

***

The three of you lay haphazardly on your bed in your apartment as you pass the joint Eddie rolled back and forth. Steve happily sighs from his spot on your stomach that he is using as a pillow while you absently run your fingers through his hair. Your own head is resting on the metalhead’s lap as he leans his back against the headboard. 

“We got you present, sweetheart.”

“You got me something? Aw, you guys didn’t have to. You graduated to.”

“Oh, trust me, honey. This is also a present for us.”, the other boy laughs as Eddie slides off the bed. After disappearing into the living room, he comes back with a box, and hands it to you. 

“Open it in the bathroom and put it on.”

You nod as you thank him, scurrying into the bathroom to do what he asked. Lifting the top off the lid on your present, you gasp at the silky, purple material you find within. As you raise it towards the light, you notice most of the lingerie garment is see-through except some purposely placed designs that block the area of your nipples. The matching panties conceal all the major bits but when you slide them on you notice they still display a lot of your ass. 

This is completely new territory for you and as you stare at yourself in the mirror you can’t help but feel a little self-conscious.

“Babe? Are you alright in there?”, Eddie asks. 

“Um, yeah…”

“Uh oh. Is that self-doubt I’m hearing?” A breathy giggle escapes your lips. They both know you to well. “Get your sexy ass out here.”

With one final sigh, you open the bathroom door and display the gift they had bought you. They had both been sitting on the edge of the mattress waiting for you, their eyes lighting up when the land on you and your body. 

“I-I’ve never worn anything like this before.”

“Well, we’ll definitely be buying more. God damn, Y/N.” Steve places his hand over his chest as he exhales heavily. “You look so fucking gorgeous.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”, you blush. 

Eddie grins as he beckons you with his finger to come closer, grabbing your hips and yanking you onto his lap with your back against his chest. His arms wrap around you as he leans his chin on your shoulder. 

“You do look stunning.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Mmm—so polite. I love it. Can you do me a favor, pretty girl?”

“Of course. Anything.”

The metalhead’s lips kiss your cheek before hovering outside the shell of your ear. “Can you touch yourself for us?”

“I-I-In front of you?”, you asked in a small voice that had both men trying to hide their groans. 

“Yes, sweetheart.” Gripping your hand, he sticks two of your fingers in his mouth, wetting them with his saliva. “Right here on Master’s lap. Take these two fingers and rub your clit for us.”

After moving the piece of silk covering your core, you do has he asks, moaning as you press slow circles against your nub.

“That’s our girl. Does that feel good?”

“Yes, Sir, it feels good.” 

“Fuck, princess, you drive us crazy.”, Eddie mewls. “Now, I want you to slide them into your tight little pussy for me and keep moving them as we talk to you, okay?”

“Mmm—yes, Sir.”

“How do you want it tonight, Y/N? Do you want Daddy and I to be nice and gentle?”

“Or…” Steve’s soothing voice shot straight to you core making you clench around your digits. “Do you want us to fuck you hard and rough like a whore? It’s been so long since we’ve done that.”

“Fuck.”, you whimper as you thrust your fingers at a much faster pace. “F-fuck me like you guys did—mmm—that first time w-we were together.”

They both laugh as Eddie’s palm glides up your skin from your wrists up to your throat, turning your face so his mouth is hovering over your own.

“We can do that. You have to make yourself cum first though, baby.” Your eyes flutter closed as you lean back against his chest. “You know, I think about the first time when I’m playing with myself to. I picture you flat on the desk with your mouth open for me; moaning around my dick while Steve fucked you.” Eddie licked his lips as he smiled. 

“Personally, I like to think about the first time I called you and you touched yourself just like this. Fuck, just hearing you moan about how you belong to us and how sore you were from us fucking you.” Steve’s fingers reached out to trace your skin along your thigh and you mewl at the contact.

You needed them now, pumping your fingers as fast as you could till you felt legs shake as the coil snapped. While you were panting against his cheek, Eddie gripped your wrist and held out your hand to the boy beside him who graciously ran his tongue over your messy digits, humming at the taste. 

A sly grin spread across your face as you get off the man’s lap and stand to face them. 

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?”, Steve asked with a smile of his own. 

“I was just thinking that you guys got to ask me…maybe I should ask you…which version of me do you want? Do you want meek Y/N you fucked that first night or sassy, slightly bratty Y/N?”

You giggle when they glance at each other with a small smirk. You already know their answer before they say anything. Today was a good day and they didn’t exactly need you to fully obey right away. It had been a while since they needed to put you in your place and remind you who was in charge.

“Oooh, you guys are taking a little too long to answer.”, you sing as you make a playful thinking face. “Hm. Maybe I should go introduce myself to the neighbors in this gorgeous piece of lingerie. Maybe they can actually make a decision.” 

“Do it.”, Eddie challenges.

“Don’t think I won’t, Sir.” You slowly back up towards the living room and inch your way to the door. They get up to follow you and you bite your bottom lip as Steve glides a head of you to lean against the wall. 

“We’ll go on then.”, he gestures towards the door. “Here let me help you.” As he reaches for the knob, you quickly block it with your body. 

“Steve!” His eyes widen as his head tilts and you quickly cover your mouth.

“Oooh, baby. You just went all in, didn’t you?”, he muses as he slides behind you and wraps his arms around to your front. 

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, honey, but we still have to punish you, right Ed?”

“You’re right, Steve.”

“Did we ever find handcuffs that won’t hurt our beautiful girl?”

“Not yet BUT I did read this thing in a book that offered some alternatives.” The air hits your back as Steve steps away and a little moan leaves your lips at the sound of Eddie taking off his belt. Leather wraps around your wrists and after a few moments you find yourself restricted. 

“How is that, sweetheart?”

“Why are you asking, Sir? You can hurt me tonight. I want you to be rough with me.”

Calloused fingers abruptly grip your chin and turn your head to face him. 

“It doesn’t matter why I’m fucking asking. If I ask you something, you answer. Now, how does that feel, little girl?”

“It feels fine.”

“Good.” He releases you from his hold and pushes your front half over the arm of the couch. “Jesus, I’m going to stop being nice and just call you demeaning names all night. You want to act like a bratty baby we can treat you like one.” Eddie’s hand comes down hard on your ass making you jump.

The sudden sound of vibration causes you to sit up to look behind you but the metalhead is prepared, shoving you again and slapping your behind. “Don’t move.”, he growls.

Long fingers move the silk panties covering your sex and you whimper when the wand finds you clit. They love that device, becoming almost giddy every time they use it. The reaction and moans it pulls from you tortures them as much as it does you but they can hold it together better than you can. 

“Yes…yes Daddy. Please.”

“Does that feel good, baby?”

“Yes, Daddy.” 

“Tell me when you’re about to cum.”

“I’m…I’m gonna…” Abruptly, he pulls the wand away and smacks your ass. “No, no. Please…”

“What? You said you wanted it like that first night.”, Eddie snickered as he placed his naked body on the couch in front of you. “You think we cared if you came? It was just an added bonus that you did. Plus you wanted to act like a brat. Do brats get to cum, Stevie?”

“No, Ed, they do not.” 

The metalhead watched with a gleam in his beautiful brown orbs as his friend pressed the device against your nub again, slowly building you up and then pulling it away before you could climax. It felt like it lasted forever as you panted and cried over Eddie’s lap. His hands brush over your hair, pulling it out of your face as he watched the frustration in your eyes. 

“Fuck, Y/N. You have no idea how much this turns me on. Sometimes even I forget that we control that pretty pussy of yours.”

“Munson, how can you forget something like that?”, Steve chided as he smacked your ass making you moan.

“No, no Harrington. Not the physical part, I mean obviously her cunt is ours. We own her but the fact that only we can make you moan like you are right now. That only we can allow you to cum…fuck… hearing you beg for it.” He bites his lip before leaning forward to capture your own. 

“Please…”

“Please what?”

“Please, Sir. I want to cum.”

“You want to cum?”

“Y-yes, Sir. Please.” 

Steve moves the wand again just as your about to, turning off the device and setting it aside as you whine. Eddie’s hand connects with your cheek at the sound. 

“Stop fucking pouting.”

“Hey Ed, you know what I was just thinking? You’ve never had her ass, have you?”

“Not yet, no.” He leans back till he’s flat on the couch. “May want to wet it a bit.”, he grins holding the base of his cock. Climbing up, you rest your body on your knees as you tilt forward and envelope him into your mouth.  

“Baby girl, come on. You can do better than that.” You gasp as Steve’s massive palm holds the back of your head and shoves you forward onto Eddie’s length making you gag and drool around him. 

“Fuck me.” He grunts as you choke before scoffing and tugging you off him by your throat. “What are you doing?! Are you still being a fucking brat?”

“N-no, Sir.”

“Then why are you sucking my dick like you’ve never done it before? A little slut like you should know how to do it properly by now!”

You whine as you bounce on your knees and he smacks you again.

“Color baby?”

“Green, Daddy.”

“She’s fine, Steve. She’s being a pain in the ass right now because we haven’t allowed her to cum yet.”

“Wasn’t that the first thing we did?”

“She doesn’t count that, do you, princess? These little fingers are just too small to make her cum as hard as we do.” Grabbing your throat again, he forces you to face him. “Now, suck my cock correctly or neither of us are going to make you feel good tonight. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

*SMACK* “Louder!”

“Yes, Sir, I understand!”

As soon as he releases you, you take him in your mouth again, this time flattening your tongue and bobbing your head with the same energy you know makes him moan. 

“See? Just like that, baby.”

Fingers move your hair to the side as Steve speaks to you with his low Daddy voice that has you clenching your thighs together. 

“It’s not just about pleasure, little miss. Remember, you need him as lubricated as possible so he doesn’t hurt you.” He grins as you push Eddie to the back of your throat, holding still for as long as you can before pulling your head off him and spitting salvia onto his tip. “See, Ed? Little girl just needs a guiding hand is all.”

“Uh huh.”, the metalhead smirks as he leans up and brings your lips to his before using his thumb to wipe the tears that were smeared under your eyes. “A guiding hand to the ass maybe.” He softly smiles as he jokingly spanks you. “Turn around.”

You do as he asks while he places some strategic pillows behind his head allowing him to sit up slightly. After guiding your back to his chest, he opens your legs and positions you just so before reaching down to grab his cock. 

“Can you hold yourself open for me, baby?” 

“I-I can’t.”

Eddie grunts in annoyance as he pushes you up slightly, yanking the belt from your wrists and throwing it to the ground. As soon as your free, you do what he asks and help guide him into your ass. 

“F-Fuck me.” 

Steve waits a few moments, allowing you both to get comfortable before climbing between your legs. Gliding his tip through your folds you shuttered as he grazed your clit. Your eyes rolled back and closed as he sheathed himself inside of you, your back collapsing against Eddie’s chest as you allowed them to take over. 

Each thrust was like a little taste of heaven. Eddie was right, they controlled your pleasure. No one could ever make you feel as good as they did. When you glanced up at Steve you noticed he was fighting to keep his eyes open. 

“Da-Daddy, are you okay?”

“Mmm—yeah. You just—fuck—you look so fucking beautiful. I don’t want to take my-my eyes off of you.”

You felt one of your legs drop flat against the metalhead’s as his hand came up to turn your face so he could kiss your lips. 

“So…so beautiful.”, he echoed his friend.

“I love you, Eddie.”, you panted against his lips. 

He heavily moaned as he wrapped both arms around you tightly and begin ramming his hips hard up into yours. 

“I love you to, Y/N. Cum, baby. Fucking cum hard on our cocks.”

Steve’s palm held on to your shoulder for leverage as he matched Eddie underneath you. You moaned and begged until the coil that they had been winding all night finally snapped and you cried as you came hard. 

“Yes! Good girl. Such a…good…girl.” With a few more rough thrusts, Steve warmed your insides with Eddie following shortly after. 

“Jesus Christ…that was amazing.” They carefully pulled out of you and the metalhead continued to hold you against his chest while the other boy went to grab some water. 

“I’m sorry I said you name.”

Eddie tilted his head so he could see your face better. “Sweetheart, hearing you tell me you love me whether it be Sir, Master, Eddie, or freak…”, he smiles when you giggle. “It’s the best thing in the world.”

“I’ve never thought you were a freak. Even before I knew you.”

Steve grabbed your wrist and slowly moved you onto the cushions so you both could sit up. After gulping down the water he brought you, you leaned on his shoulder, placing a kiss on his skin. 

“You really do look beautiful in this by the way.” He runs his fingers down the silky material.

“Thank you, Daddy. It’s actually surprisingly comfortable. May I ask you something?”

“Of course, but ask it in the shower because we need to clean you and believe it or not we can all fit in this tub.”

“Harrington, if we wanted to shower with me all you had to do was ask.” You laugh at Eddie’s joke as you grab his hand and tug him off the couch as you follow the other man to the bathroom. 

“What did you want to ask, honey?” 

A small smile paints your lips as you watch them try to figure out how to get you out of your outfit before finally just grabbing the bottom and pulling it over your head. 

“Does it bother you that your parents didn’t show up today?”

“No.”

“Not even your mom? She didn’t really have a reason to not—”

“Yes, she did. She does whatever my father tells her to.”, he snapped.

You nodded as you pushed your back into Eddie’s chest.

“Steve, she was just asking because she cares. It’s a little weird I know. Having a woman in our lives who actually gives a damn.”

He sighs as he guides you under the water. “No, not even my mom. Y/N, kind of like Munson here, my parents stopped parenting pretty early on. Honestly, I’m used to it by now. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. I think it would have angered me if they had shown up like they helped me accomplish something.”

Your hands reach out to gently cup his face. “I just don’t want you to feel like…no one was proud of you.”

He softly smiles before kissing your forehead. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“I know, baby. I know.”

“I would have liked for your dad to be there if only to see what her dad did to his face.”

The three of you laugh as the begin to clean your body. 

############

Eddie has his arm wrapped around your shoulder as you two watch an action movie on tv. 

“I could be a spy.”

“No, you couldn’t! Everything about you is so loud.”, you giggle. 

“Oh, come on! I can totally be suave like James Bond.”

“Yeah, you could.”

“You can be my Money Penny.”

Steve nonchalantly exits the bedroom and grabs a banana from the counter, leaning his back against it as he eats. The two of you continue to stare ahead but the man can still see the grins on your faces that you both are trying to hide. 

“Ok. Go ahead. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”

“Are you ready for your first day, sailor?” Eddie’s toothy grin grows when you try to stifle your laugh. 

“Don’t listen to him, Daddy. I think you look sexy.”

“Yeah, I mean way those little blue shorts accentuate your knees, man.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”, Steve smirks as he throws away his peel and saunters over to you to give you a kiss before lightly pushing his friend’s head. “I’ll see you two later.”

“We definitely need to get you one of those.”, Eddie chuckles as the other man leaves and you playfully shove his chest.

#############

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[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

So I know this post is pretty overdue and a bit superfluous by this point maybe, but since I am now back home and finally have time to sit down and write down my thoughts about the last few days, I thought I'd still do a recap post of my experience of the Dublin shows (and a bit about my trip to Dublin in general). Just for anyone who might be interested or even just for me to remember everything by!

Having said that though, I don’t actually know how to even begin putting into words what this trip meant to me 🥺 I’ve said this before, but after seeing them in June and thinking that was it for the foreseeable future, getting to see them again so soon, twice, and it being the very last two shows of the tour as well, felt like an incredible opportunity and huge gift and I could not be more grateful for it ❤️

Recap of Dublin shows 3 & 4 and some more pics below the cut!

I flew in from Amsterdam on Tuesday morning with a Dutch friend, and we met up with another friend of mine who flew in from London at the same time (my London friend went with me to Tuesday's gig, and my Amsterdam friend to Thursday's gig)

London friend and I then headed to the 3Arena to queue up outside and it was fucking freezing lmao. But we played ‘guess the Arctic Monkeys song from the intro’ and had a chance to catch up so all in all it wasn’t too bad, and it’s always so much fun being surrounded by fellow arctic monkeys fans who love them enough to queue up for hours in the cold <3

Once we were inside, we legged it to the stage and then spent another two hours trying to defend our (pretty good, very central) spots and trying not to think about the fact that we had to pee, as you do. We happened to be standing next to a group of Dutch speaking girls, and it turned out one of them had also met Miles in Amsterdam recently, at the same signing I’d been at! Such a small world. But they were really lovely so the two hours flew past, and then it was Miles time!!!!! 🥰

And my god, he literally blew everyone away, he was just insanely good as always. My friend was not really a Miles fan before the gig, and then while he was playing, she kept going “holy shit minnie he’s so good??” and I was like “TOLD YOU”, so now she’s a big fan as well, which is honestly very satisfying 😌 There were so many amazing moments during his set, but the one that stayed with me most I’ve already talked about in this post. It was honestly just…. very intense and really hard to explain in a non-shippy way? Even my non-shipper friend was like… hmm ok yes, that seems very significant 🤔

But anyway, Miles rocked the house, and then it was only a short wait until the main show. And while most of it is a blur because I just lose my mind when I see my boys play, I did make sure to really absorb some special moments and things I really wanted to remember. Being able to clearly see Alex’s intense, goofy and beautiful facial expressions, his HANDS, the cute little interactions he had with the rest of the band (giggles with Matt and smiley asides with Jamie and Nick), the moment where Alex made grabby hands at the plushie and then laughed some more when he couldn’t have it, Jamie being an absolute rockstar as always, Nick looking like a total snack (my friend has a giant crush on Nick, understandably so), Matt being a literal drum god (I love seeing him play SO much). Just... incredible 🙌🏻💘

I really wasn’t expecting Miles to join them during that show, so when Alex gave him a shoutout I knew it was just that, but my friend didn’t, so she started hitting me like “he’s coming back!” and I was like “no he’s not”, and he wasn’t unfortunately lmao. The Dutch and Belgian girls next to me were extremely disappointed (they were Milex shippers as well, of course), but I know at least one of them was there on Thursday as well so I love that for her. Other memorable moments were Alex singing the “remember when you used to be a rascal” line followed by “do you remember? I remember” after which I yelled at my friend “Miles used to be a rascal!!!” and then later I found out Miles was actually on that side of the stage 😭😭 Even though I didn’t find out about that until later, I definitely noticed that Alex kept gesturing towards that side of the stage (the Star Treatment intermezzo was wild, I was like, “WHO is he pointing at for the dolls like you and me thing??” And then it turned out to be Miles 🫠

Another thing I noticed was that the average age of the crowd was way lower than I’m used to it being, which my friend explained may have something to do with tiktok? Lmao idk, hut the the standing crowd did mostly consist of younger, shorter girls for some reason lol, so there wasn’t as much jumping as I’d have liked there to be. My friend and I just went for it regardless, even if we were some of the only people going crazy. But you just have to, you know what I mean? Anyway, it was such an incredible show and after it ended, we were just on cloud nine, singing Fluorescent Adolescent with everyone on the Luas going back to town, which is always just such a blast. And then we ended up in Temple Bar where there was more live music as well as about 500 other Arctic Monkeys fans, so that was great fun too 💫

The next day, the three of us went to a tattoo shop where I’d booked an appointment and I got my tattoo which I am EXTREMELY happy with. The tattoo artist was a girl from Brazil and when she asked me about the meaning of my tattoo (I’ll post a pic later) I told her it was an Arctic Monkeys song and the just yelled across the shop to a few other artists and it turned out they’d been at the concert too, so we all geeked out about them while I got my tattoo done lmao, so much fun 😂

Then my London friend unfortunately had to fly back home later that day, so my Amsterdam friend and I ended up in the pub again because that’s what we do. It was just a very average pub with two very average men playing amazing folk music, and when we walked in, I was like “huh that guy looks like Zackery Michael, that’s funny.” And then later I was stood next to him at the bar and heard he was American, so I was like hmmm, and decided to just ask him if he was in fact Zackery Michael. He was like “that is me!” lol (thank god, would’ve been embarrassing if it hadn’t been) so we had a little chat about the fact that we were both in town for Arctic Monkeys but in slightly different capacities lol, and he was just super nice and was happy to take a photo with me, and then I let him get back to his conversation with the three extremely pretty girls he was with 😅

Anyways, so then on Thursday after breakfast we bought some souvenirs and I bought some great Arctic Monkeys mini posters and some other stuff at this lovely little comic book/record store which was playing Humbug, the owner of which told us he also went to see Arctic Monkeys on Tuesday and loved them, so that was another amazing chance meeting 💜 And then it was after 12pm so it was time for whiskey, and then the meeting with the fellow TLSP/Arctic Monkeys/Miles Kane fan bartender happened which I posted about here, which was so lovely and also secretly made me want to believe it was a sign for the show that night 🙈

But I still couldn’t let myself hope or believe TOO much, so I just kept telling my friend “they’re not going to do it and that’s okay” and she was like “sure, whatever you say” 😂 We had seated tickets for this gig, so we were unfortunately much further away than I had been on Tuesday. And also I just don’t like being seated at concerts, let alone an Arctic Monkeys one, but to be honest, the seats were pretty good. Miles once again gave his absolute all and converted not just my Dutch friend as well, but also a lot of the people around us who we overheard saying things like “did you know he was this good??” and checking Miles’s Wikipedia page, which was great to see. And from up on the balcony we could clearly see that the people in the crowd were really singing along and having an amazing time during Miles’s set (COTT was extremely emotional, all the lights were so lovely ✨️) and I just felt so proud of him and happy for him that it was such a roaring success 🥹💖

The roaring success continued for Arctic Monkeys of course, although it was really weird to see so many people go mental for Snap Out Of It and Arabella etc. 😅 But yeah, the people do love AM it seems, which is why the first part of the setlist was pretty much the same as it had been on Tuesday. Hello You was amazing though!! And then after There’d Better Be a Mirrorball, I knew that it was 505 time, and Alex did say ‘Let’s hear it for Miles Kane’. But because it was the same thing he’d said before, I was still convinced Miles wouldn’t come on. AND THEN HE DID 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I absolutely lost my shit, not even kidding. I just started screaming and threw my phone at my poor friend being like “FILM IT” which she did, bless her heart, and uhhh, yeah then I cried throughout the whole performance 😭 And then at the end, the lights went out and I saw their shadows (our shadow puppets <3) coming together so I was like did they hug??? And then I only found out later that evening when I checked tumblr that they in fact did hug and then my night was just completely made (lol, I say my night but I mean my life, obviously)

Do I Wanna Know was a total blur after that of course, but I was back for Body Paint which was absolutely incredible as always. And then they did Big Ideas as the encore and uuhhh yeah I sobbed 🙃 It was SO beautiful, and so special hearing it live with the strings, and SO fucking sad. And then once RU Mine? finished and the lights stayed off, I was like aaahhh we’re getting one more!! And then OF COURSE it was Perfect Sense because Alex is a dramatic bastard, and of course I cried some more. It was stunning and extremely emotional 💔

So then my friend and I went to drown my sorrows (and elation about the Milex reunion) in the pub and we actually had a great time with some fellow AM fans and live music again. I swear it was like all of Dublin was just there for Arctic Monkeys. Unfortunately, we were not in the pub where the boys apparently went ugh, but still, it was fun. And yesterday morning I woke up with a killer hangover so I swore I would not drink anymore, but it was raining so much, so we did end up in the pub again where we got talking to some really cool Irish guys who (surprise) also loved Arctic Monkeys, and they insisted on buying us drinks so obviously I couldn’t decline. So we just sat and drank with them until we had to catch our flight, and of course by that time I was tipsy and maudlin and the weather wasn’t helping so I cried all the way to the airport (especially since we passed the arena again) and then I cried some more in the airport like the drama queen I am 🥲

It’s just that I’m so sad it’s over, and so scared and worried about the future of the band, with how much this felt like a goodbye 😔 But I’m just going to assume that it’s just goodbye for now, and that they’ll take a well-deserved break, maybe do their own things for a while, and that in a few years’ time they’ll get back to making music together again. I really do think they have so much fun doing what they do together, and they’re basically like family, and Alex wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he couldn’t make music, so surely they’ll be back eventually. But please, just don’t be too long boys 🥺🙏🏻❤️

All in all, though, what has stayed with me most from this trip is a sense of gratefulness that I was lucky enough to experience all this, my 8th and 9th Arctic Monkeys gigs to date, the last dates of the tour, the Milex reunion (!!!!!!!) and to get to share it with two of my best friends in the world, a whole bunch of arctic monkeys loving strangers who I randomly met, and all of you guys I’ve met on here these past few months. The sense of connection and community I’ve found through this band means so much to me, more than I can say, actually, and I’m so grateful to them for that, in addition to the music they’ve given us. And although the tour is over, I am honestly looking forward to sharing the love we have for them with you all for a long time to come and for now, I am so excited about getting back to writing my silly little Milex stories (and insanely happy they finally gave us that little reunion we hope for, so that I’m still excited and hopeful about their relationship rather than heartbroken and resigned, which is what I probably would’ve been if they hadn’t performed together. So thank you for that, boys 💘)

So yes. Very, VERY long story short: Arctic Monkeys is and always will be my favourite band in the world, they ended the tour on an absolute high (and with Miles!) and this was an experience I will never, ever forget ❤️

#oooff this got a but long sorry #i just had a LOT of thoughts and feelings I needed to get out apparently 🙈 #mostly good stuff though!!! #i had an absolutely incredible time 😭❤️ #arctic monkeys #miles kane #alex tuner #matt helders #nick o'malley #jamie cook #dublin #the car tour #minnie talks

[whatacaitastrophe]

Is It Over Now - Chapter 7

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Burn Butcher Burn" - The Witcher, Season 2 Soundtrack (performed by Joey Batey)

Chapter Warnings: none!

Spotify Playlist: Here

Chapter Notes: if you have read this fic, liked it, reblogged it, or left comments THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. keep the comments coming bc i love hearing your feedback (and like tinkerbell, i need applause to live).

Chapter 7: I Hear You're Alive. How Disappointing

The next two days fly by without incident, unless you count Wyll making Fallon cry because she has to do one hundred crunches at the end of their final training session before the ball (Fallon counts it). At least when he leaves the morning of the ball he promises he will not be at their door bright and early tomorrow, because he intends to take the next day off. It’s a sure sign of how Wyll expects the evening of revelry and celebration to go. 

After their conversation, Fallon and Astarion fell into an easy rhythm. The first night, they stayed up talking about everything and nothing, only taking breaks to exchange sweet kisses. They still haven’t properly had sex yet, but that’s something Astarion is perfectly ok with. When it comes to Fallon, Astarion wants to do this right. He doesn’t want Fallon to feel like he poured his heart out to her just to bed her (and maybe, just maybe, he’s still the tiniest bit insecure and worried that Fallon had done exactly that). 

Somehow, despite the past two days being some of the best of his life with Fallon, Astarion is incredibly nervous for this ball. He loves a good party, especially one where the attention will be cast upon him, and he’ll be given the opportunity to charm an entire room full of aristocrats, but the anticipation of this night has him pacing around the suite. 

It could also be because Shadowheart arrived at the suite in the early afternoon with a team of hair and makeup professionals trailing behind her to help them get ready for the evening, and as a direct result, Astarion has been left to entertain Lae’zel, who quickly refused the assistance of the small army Shadowheart assembled, declaring she does not need an entire day to become perfect. 

“Astarion,” Lae’zel warns after his twelfth lap around the sitting room in the last hour. “If you do not stop pacing, I will make you.”

Astarion scowls at the githyanki, but he does as he’s told; mostly because he’s still fairly certain Lae’zel could snap him in two if she really wanted to. He picks up the book about the young wizard that he’s still reading, but concentration eludes him and he’s just staring at the pages without absorbing any of the content. 

“My lover has informed me that I need to work on my….people skills,” Lae’zel starts with a huff. “So I am going to ask you why you keep looking at the bedroom door and why you cannot sit still, but please do not mistake my inquiry for actual concern.” 

Astarion snorts with laughter. “I think part of having people skills is showing genuine concern, Lae’zel.”

Lae’zel gives him a stone cold stare, and he almost regrets teasing her. “It’s the first time Fallon and I are going out in public together. As…more than friends.” He clarifies. “So this giant party where everyone is watching, it’s basically our first date.”

“Yes, Shadowheart did mention a romantic development. I did not realize Fallon was finally over the wizard.”

Astarion winces. “Ah, well, not entirely, but that’s complicated to explain and I’m sure you don’t want to hear about the whole sordid affair.”

“That is correct, I do not,” she confirms. “Besides, I’ve heard enough that I think I understand.” 

“Well, that’s why I’m pacing,” he tells her, and Lae’zel levels a stare in his direction. “You asked.” he concedes, raising his hands in defeat. 

Awkward silence fills the suite, and Astarion really wishes he’d thought to turn on the phonograph before their friends arrived because now he’s too afraid to stand up and risk the gith’s wrath by moving around again. “Do you think the wizard will show his face?” Lae’zel breaks the silence. 

“Gods, I fucking hope not. She’s been doing so well…I worry about what seeing him again might do to her.” 

“Maybe that is the real reason why you pace incessantly. You are worried for Fallon, and maybe a little worried for yourself and your romantic involvement with her, should the wizard return.”

Astarion is stunned, and not just because Lae’zel just read him so thoroughly. “Why Lae’zel, I think you may have just shown genuine concern! Shawdowheart will be very proud.” He deflects, as this is a very strange conversation to be having with Lae’zel, of all people. Then again, maybe the warrior is the best person to have this conversation with, because she minces words even less than her girlfriend does, and unlike Wyll or Karlach, or even Halsin, she won’t try to soothe his nerves with false narratives. Astarion defies her and stands to walk over to the cabinet where he and Fallon keep the wine. He pours them each a glass before sitting back down again. “Do you think he’s going to show up?”

Lae’zel ponders for a moment as she drinks her wine. “No,” she declares. “The wizard has not been in contact with anyone for the last year. I believe he is intelligent enough to know his presence would not be welcome.” As backhanded as it is, Astarion is surprised by the compliment Lae’zel affords Gale. 

Astarion winces. “Well…that’s not entirely true.” 

“My assessment of the wizard’s intelligence, or that he has not been in contact with anyone since he left in the first place?” 

“The second part.”

Deafening silence fills the suite again, and Astarion swears Lae’zel does not ever blink. “You’ve spoken to him.”

“I’ve seen him.” Astarion confesses.

More silence. “When?” 

“Months ago…it’s a long story.”

“Does Fallon know?”

“No.” 

“Does anyone?”

“....no one other than you and Gale.” Astarion did not think it was possible for the githyanki’s lips to get any thinner, but they do and she’s glaring at him. “Please don’t tell her.” Astarion begs.

The silence that follows could not have lasted more than a few minutes, if not seconds, but it feels like an eternity while Astarion holds his breath, waiting for Lae’zel to say something. 

“I will not intervene, because it is not my place and unlike my lover, I do not care to gossip,” she sips from her wine glass. “However, I will encourage you to be honest with Fallon, because if she ever finds out you kept this from her, it will not end well for you.” 

Astarion sighs, finishing his own glass of wine and pouring another. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” 

“I’ve never taken you to be a coward, Astarion. Do not start now, as I do not associate with cowards.” 

It might be the nicest thing the gith has ever said to him, and the closest she’s ever come to admitting they’re actually friends. Lae’zel dismisses herself to get ready for the ball, leaving Astarion alone. Astarion sighs quietly and tells himself that he’ll broach the topic with Fallon first thing tomorrow. He doesn’t want to ruin this night for her. Astarion looks at the grandfather clock by the door and realizes that he should probably get ready as well and he heads for the spare bedroom.

An hour later, Lae’zel is the first one to return to the sitting room, followed shortly by Astarion. “Well, don’t you look dashing.” Astarion offers the gith as he takes in her form. The dress Lae’zell chose (more likely chosen by Shadowheart for her), is a simple, black floor length a-line gown with a cowl neckline. The halter top compliments her toned body, and the necklace she’s wearing is a pendant with moons and stars on it. The ensemble is not much different than the one Lae’zel wore to last year’s Winter Solstice Ball, and Astarion is almost certain that Lae’zel not repeating an outfit is entirely Shadowheart’s influence.

The doublet Astarion picked out for himself is black velvet, and the filigree throughout is the same color as Fallon’s dress. Though the development of their romantic involvement is less than a tenday old, Astarion always knew he would be the one escorting Fallon to the ball, and he’d be damned if their ensembles didn’t match, or worse, clashed altogether. Shadowheart calls from the bedroom that she and Fallon are nearly ready, and Astarion begins pacing again. Lae’zel glares at him, but she doesn’t say anything, and Astarion notices that even the stoic githyanki warrior is fidgeting a little in her seat. He does not dare bring it up for fear of losing his head, but it’s sweet to see his friend be nervous about seeing her lover in her dress for the first time. 

The door to the bedroom opens and Astarion freezes in place and Lae’zel shoots to her feet. Shadowheart is the first to emerge and though Shadowheart looks absolutely lovely, Astarion is watching Lae’zel. He’s never seen her look awestruck before. Lae’zel walks over to a beaming Shadowheart and takes her hands. “ Zhak vo'n'fynh duj' : Source of my joy. You are more radiant than the sun.” Astarion looks away when Lae’zel captures Shadowheart’s mouth in a deep kiss (it feels weird watching the gith be this vulnerable), his gaze automatically goes to the bedroom door. 

Fallon steps through the door, and Astarion is breathless. He imagines the look on his face is not much different than that of the one Lae’zel had on her face moments before, but when Fallon smiles at him, Astarion honestly forgets that there is anyone else in the suite aside from the two of them. Fallon walks–no–floats towards him, the chiffon of her dress having the exact effect Astarion and Figaro envisioned together. He meets her halfway and takes one of her hands and Astarion bows deeply to the woman in front of him, and kisses the back of her hand. 

“Well, I must say, whoever chose this dress for you has excellent taste,” Astarion jests as he rises. “You look absolutely exquisite, darling.” 

Blush creeps up Fallon’s neck. “Thank you. For all of it.” He knows she means more than just the dress. 

Wyrm’s Rock is decorated for the season to the nines. Wyll’s stepmother is known for her parties, and this one is no exception. “It’s beautiful.” Fallon muses in awe as they walk in. “I can’t believe I missed this last year.” 

Astarion squeezes her hand softly as he thinks back to this time last year. Astarion and their friends attempted to convince Fallon to leave The Elfsong for this occasion, but their efforts were in vain. When they’d gone to collect her, she was already several bottles of wine deep in the bar with some of the tieflings from The Grove, could barely stand, and was in absolutely zero condition to spend an entire evening socializing with the aristocrats of Baldur’s Gate. They’d all agreed that with the absence of Fallon, and even Gale, it didn’t really feel like much of the celebration it was supposed to be.

The four of them step further into the extravagantly decorated room and are immediately greeted by various members of the court, fawning over Fallon especially after missing last year. Astarion holds his tongue as they fuss and speculate to her face about why she was absent last year, and pride spreads through his body as Fallon fields the question and deflects like she’s been doing this her whole life. This was why she’d become their leader. She charmed people with ease and carried herself with such confidence it was no wonder nearly everyone they met fell in love with her instantly. Eventually she’s able to wave them off, and Astarion leans over to kiss her temple. 

“Gods, those people do love their gossip, don’t they?” Fallon muses with a laugh. 

“Yes, I’d no idea you’ve been out of the city training dragons, do tell me, when shall I get to ride one? You’ve been holding out on me.” 

“Your very own dragon is your solstice gift.” She teases with a wink but expression very quickly changes to surprise and then pure glee. Fallon lets out an excited squeal and Astarion follows her gaze to where Wyll is standing but it’s not Wyll, or even the druid Halsin towering next to him that caused the object of Astarion’s affection to squeal with delight.

It’s Karlach.

Not only is it Karlach, but the tiefling looks like herself. 

Fallon does not bother with proper etiquette, and she gathers her skirts in one hand, takes off towards Karlach at a sprint and leaps into her friend’s arms. Astarion trails after her, and though he definitely is not running as Fallon had, Astarion’s gait is definitely quicker than usual. After sacrificing herself and becoming an illithid, Karlach was forced to lay low after the battle ended. For obvious reasons, illithids were not exactly a welcome sight in Baldur’s Gate, but Halsin welcomed her back to The Grove with open arms. 

“I missed you, soldier.” Karlach is murmuring into her embrace with Fallon as Astarion approaches the reunion.

“I can’t believe it– you’re here! And you’re you!” Fallon exclaims, hugging Karlach again with tears in her eyes. “How?”

“Just a little bit ‘o temporary magic, I’m afraid. Nettie and our pal Halsin made me a potion so I’d look like meself tonight. Not that I ever stopped being me, but, you know ‘ow it is.” 

Fallon greets Halsin next, and the druid picks her up to spin in a circle and Astarion just smiles as the fabric of her dress floats effortlessly around her. He really does have good taste. Halsin was one of the first people to ever suspect that Astarion had feelings for Fallon. The conversation occurred shortly after Halsin confessed his own feelings for Fallon to her, only to be gently turned down after Gale refused the suggestion of an open relationship. At the time, Astarion made fun of Gale for being so incredibly traditional in his way of thinking, but now that he has Fallon, Astarion understands. He doesn’t want to share Fallon with anyone else, either.

“How do you do it?” Halsin asked him whilst sitting by the fire one evening. 

Astarion looked up at the druid in confusion. “Do what?”

“How do you cope with the ache in your heart, watching Fallon and Gale together day in and day out? I only ask because I’ve not been in this group very long, whereas you’ve been here since the beginning. When does the pain of watching her love another fade?” 

Astarion stared at Halsin, mouth slightly open. “Are you suggesting I have feelings for our dear leader?”

“Am I wrong? I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching.”

Astarion frowned. “I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

Halsin gives him an understanding smile. “Then perhaps I misread the situation. My deepest apologies.” 

“No apology needed, friend.” Astarion replied before turning back to his book, ignoring the very ache Halsin just spoke of.

Halsin lets go of Fallon, approaching Astarion. The druid offers him a strong handshake and claps him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, friend. I am very glad to see the two of you together. She looks happy.” 

Astarion looks over to Fallon and then back to Halsin. “She does, doesn’t she?” Waitstaff pass buy and offer each of them a glass of champagne, and Fallon eagerly listents as Karlach regales her with stories of the grove, seeing Arabella again, and learning how to live among druids as an illithid, and learning how to live as an illithid in general. 

“I mean, I thought that emperor bloke was joking when he said he ate brains, nope. It’s truly the most horrific part of this ‘ole thing. ‘Course I don’t eat people or anything–” Karlach stops speaking suddenly, and her facial expression shifts to complete horror in an instant. 

“You owe me twenty gold, mate.” Wyll tells Halsin, and his tone can only be described as disappointed anger. Halsin also looks very unhappy, and a sickening feeling begins to form in Astarion’s stomach as he realizes that Halsin’s unhappiness has nothing to do with owing Wyll money. 

“Well, this is quite the reunion, isn’t it? Leave it to The Winter Solstice to always bring old friends together.” An omnipotent voice comments from behind Astarion’s back, and Astarion whips around, willing his fingers to not ball into fists at his side as he tries to remember to breathe. That annoying, condescending voice only belongs to one person.

Fallon spins around to face the owner of the voice and she gasps. For the first time in over a year, she speaks the name of her ex-lover, and her voice is shaking. 

“Gale.”

Chapter List

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale #astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 fanfic #female tav #astarion fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #gale x tav #astarion x gale x tav

[ceilingfan5]

Alphabet prompt- N with THB, and or Taako and kravitz please :3

“So there I was, in Walmart, of course,” Lucretia sighs, her head in Lup’s lap and her legs dangling off the side of the shitty couch. Barry’s cozily jammed in on Lup’s other side, the couch hardly the right shape or comfort level to accommodate all three of them, despite the fact that Taako was definitely crammed in there a moment ago. Who knows where he’s gotten off to. Kravitz tucks his legs up under him in his god-awful armchair and props his head up to listen, surprised at himself for being absorbed so easily into this friend group. He feels like an intruder, or a mimic, or some kind of fungus.

In a good way?

“And I was In the frozen aisle,”

“God forbid,” Lup says, teasingly. 

“Let me get out my story,” Lucretia says, stifling laughter. 

“And she bought fourteen Kid Cuisines, and a Teenage Mutant Neetle Teetles Pizza,” Barry adds, making her snicker. 

“Listen!” Lucretia clears her throat, trying to maintain some level of seriousness, but her usual composure just isn’t there tonight, as late as it is. It’s wild seeing this warm, vulnerable side of her. “I was in the frozen aisle in Walmart and I was trying to get something for dinner, and the man in front of me was taking his sweet time, and then this song came on the radio–don’t ask me what song, listen, don’t. I don’t remember. But-” she smiles, remembering. Kravitz feels surprisingly fond of her in this moment. 

“But it’s a bouncy song, right, something you could really jam to.” 

“Glad I’m not the only one who sounds like an old man when I use slang,” Kravitz mutters. Lup and Barry snicker. 

“And he- he’s still looking at the frozen food, but he starts bouncing his ass cheeks-”

Everybody struggles to hold back laughter. 

“And listen-” Lucretia tries to restrain herself, but she can’t stop smiling. “I’m not much of a manliker. But it was so cute. He turns around and sees me waiting and apologizes to me, and I wanted to say no, no, go on, you carry on bouncing that ass to the music, sir. He wasn’t any older than I am, and he looked so tired, and he just-” She reaches for the ceiling, grasping like a warm cat considering making biscuits for the evening. “It was sweet. Normally I document the profound and profane, but this moment was just so…alive. People, you know?”

“I dunno, I am a documented man-liker, and that’s cute as hell,” Lup muses, through laughter. “Too bad he eats frozen food. But I can fix him. TAAKO!” Lup hollers. “TAAKO, CUTE OR NOT?”

Fellow noted man-liker Taako pokes his head in from the other room. 

“WHAT,” he hollers back, even though he’s close enough now he doesn’t need to shout. It’s not a big apartment, especially with all of them squished in here like a pile of puppies. 

“Rate this rando on a scale of one to ten,” Lup demands. Lucretia covers a laugh. Kravitz’s eyes go to Barry, who looks amused but a little strained. 

“Not now,” Taako says, still a full twenty too loud. “I’m drinking shampoo to prove a point.”

“You’re-” Lup cracks up. “What now?” 

“You’ve got to listen when people talk, snorkel-brains,” Taako says, sort of affectionately. “Magnus was- MAGNUS, explain it.”

Magnus pokes his head out too, and Merle follows, not unlike a cartoon. Davenport is somewhere out of frame, probably folding his arms, but not not participating in shenanigans. 

“So listen- listen-” Magnus says, holding the shampoo in one hand and a towel in the other. “You put some on your lips and you’re supposed to be able to blow bubbles! But so far-”

“So far it feels like we’ve gotten in trouble for swears,” Merle says, nodding.

“Damn,” Lucretia says. 

“Fuck,” Barry agrees. 

“You guys saw that online, or what?” Lup shakes her head. “Stupids.” 

“It’s gonna be cool!” Magnus insists. 

“I think it’s horseshit,” Taako counters. “What’s this about boyliking.” His eyes go conspicuously to Kravitz. Is it warm in here suddenly? Maybe they should get the climate control looked at. 

“There was a guy in the grocery store bouncing his ass cheeks to the music, and Lucretia is wrapped up in how profound it was,” Barry says, not critically. 

“It was profound!” Lucretia insists. “It was nice. People should appreciate life more. I should appreciate life more. It’s short, isn’t it?”

“Debatable,” both elves say in unison. 

“Listen-” Lucretia sits up, swinging her legs back in front of her. She looks a little dizzy, but powers through. “Little moments like this are poetry.”

“Dear diary,” Taako intones, “Saw a guy bounce his ass. You might think it would be crass. But instead I want to say. I want to live another day.” 

“Amen,” Merle says sweetly.

“Don’t be dorks,” Lup defends, patting Lucretia’s back. “It’s a good little moment of being a living creature.”

“Sure,” Taako says. “And so’s this.” And he rubs shampoo on his lips, and then blows a ridiculous stream of bubbles, and everybody cheers. Lucretia’s story gets a little lost from there, because everyone has to try the shampoo thing, but it sort of sticks with Kravitz. 

Poetry. He hopes she knows he listened. 

#taz #tazb #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #fan5fics #taz balance #thank you!!

[mirrorballtales]

Now that I’ve had two sleeps to absorb TTPD and all 31 songs I think I’m ready to share my thoughts. I think they’re still all over the place. I’m having to separate so many pieces of my sadness, reframe timelines all while trying to not fall to my knees and break down.

Before I go on, I have to say I think this album is definitely for the older fans. I mean obviously it’s for everyone but as someone who understands the lore or as much as we’re let in, and the discography, some songs have a bigger significance so I understand it’s not connecting with everyone. I hope it grows on them. Her fountain and quill pens have always meant so much to me. I cannot imagine the insurmountable pressure she must feel having a random place their existence in her hands. As much as I love her I have to just appreciate the art and interpret it the best way it fits me.

I won’t talk about every song - just the ones I’ve had visceral reactions to.

Fortnight, so when I first heard it Thursday night I started crying. The line “I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come get me.” Before a video was even released all I could think about were my hospital stays. I always joke about them. And all those jokes were funny and riddled with humorous truth. But when the punchline is given, and the laughter dies down, I’m left alone to grieve all that time I lost because of men and boys and people who ruined my life. They made me out to look crazy, like stints in these rooms were going to fix me. Pills I took to forget them just made me want to die. The scars I acquired like trophies are mine to wear like badges of honor. All of that is what I thought with just that line. Then the music video was released. I literally screamed. I saw it and sobbed with a sweltering scream of pain. Seeing myself chained up to a painfully lit room, chained up, drugged up all because I loved. All my life since, I’ve thought I only belong there. Every day, every emotion I’ve had has ruined my life. Ever felt so fucking crazy and no one sees you? That’s what this feels like. But every day. There was something about the way Post Malone hugged Taylor that broke me again. I can’t explain it. I don’t think I’ve ever been held like that. Not as a child. Not as an adult. In that moment I realized I’ve needed a tortured tragic poet hero to come break me out of the asylum. And I’ve waited. I’ve tried escaping but I am pulled back. I think it’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself I don’t think I can do this myself. But I have no choice and it’s a painful realization that all my life I’ve had to save myself. I’ve been the crazy one in the family. I am the one that isn’t all there. I just want to run to anyone who wants to hold me and tell me they’re getting me out of there. Like I said the song had an incredibly raw and taxing effect on me.

Down Bad, I think this one is really easy for anyone who sits there crying because you’re well, down bad. And it makes you angry. It makes you sad. I think a reel of me being second choice plays in my mind. The boy I like telling me he doesn’t want me. Or the boy telling me I’m nice but there’s better out there. Or begging the guy you love not to leave and him telling you that you’re too much. So he leaves you stranded like he’s doing you a favor. And yeah fuck every single one of them. There’s a petulance saying that. Saying fuck you for not wanting me. Fuck you for not being down bad for me. Fuck you for not doing the all the fighting so you don’t lose me.

So Long, London. It’s track five. I gave all my youth for free. And to have to say goodbye to all of that like it’s my fault? Like it’s my prophecy to be a tragedy.

Fresh Out the Slammer, I’ve lived this song so many times. And then I grew up. I erased the number. Forgot it like my life depended on it but for a while, I knew who’d my first call was too. Then I realized they’d never pick up anyway. I know better.

Guilty as Sin? I’m very guilty. Listen to the way song builds like nirvana. And imagine yourself in it. Alone. I say this a lot but if you read my diary there’s an entry with these lyrics lived out by me. Tell me, you haven’t fantasized. Tell me you don’t recall things you never did. Tell me your body hasn’t longed before but you told yourself to let it stay in a vault. A fantasy where you’ve already done it in your head? I think it actually follows edging to completion. Your mind playing tricks on you, your sheets your only grasp, your chest rising and falling harder and quicker, labored breathing, waves of pleasure crashing into you, words escaping your lips, longing glances into other eyes while yours are closed. It’s a fatal fantasy that takes over you. And you worship it, religiously. Go ahead, recall the things you never did. Be guilty as sin.

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? You should be. This is a response to mirroball. It’s so easy to vilify the quiet, the nice, the good girl. And then she breaks. Then she’s done playing your chess games. Being a pawn in schemes. I feel this so much as an eldest daughter, as the one that has to be perfect and a degree below that was unacceptable.

loml, I want to acknowledge that this song broke me. I still can’t listen fully without losing it. They say wounds heal with time. But I’m still waiting.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart, I think for me this is just how I’ve lived my life. I don’t get to be shattered without movement. I must be broken hearted and figure it out, be a tough kid, fake it, smile even if I want to die. It’s an art I’ve perfected.

The Alchemy, I’d like to wake up from the hospital stay. I’d like to be out of the vision in my head. Chemistry is something I’ve always been so fascinated with. You cannot fake it. You cannot learn it or grow it. It’s either there or not. It borders on magical. It’s the only time I believe in something otherworldly. You can’t fight it. You can hide it. Sure. But it’ll pull you out of darkness. It’s my favorite trope. Magnets. Addiction. The most human thing because you can’t make it in a lab. Like the hand of God said here’s the alchemy, you’ll find the other part of that equation.

In-depth thoughts for The Anthology will come later tonight.

#taylor swift #the black dog #taylor’s version #taylornation #the eras tour #healing #the tortured poets department #dead poets society #old habits die screaming #fortnight #post Malone

[singlesablog]

The Look.

“Is There Something I Should Know?” (1983) Duran Duran EMI - Capitol Records (Written by Simon Le Bon, John Taylor, Roger Taylor, Andy Taylor, Nick Rhodes) Highest U.S. Billboard Chart Position – No. 4

“[It was] completely separate from electronic music or the future…all the fucking Southern New Romantic bollocks. I mean, if we were ever called New Romantics there'd be a fight... 'Am I wearing a kilt? Am I wearing enough eyeliner? Is my shirt frilly enough?' Oh, fuck off!

- Paul McCluskey from Orchestral Manoeuvres in The Dark on The New Romantics

I love the term “across the pond”, which suggests that England, the mother country for the USA, is only a hop and a skip away, when in truth, the spaces between us are enormous.  The innovations transferring from one continent to the other, especially with respect to music and fashion, have always had a strange and years-away delay that has been ongoing since the very beginning, as if the ideas were always awaiting the right winds, funding, and large, cumbersome, three-masted ships from the Colonial period to bring them over to us.  Part of Modernism is to assume the new world will be changed; part of reality is that the change, as delivered, is much more elusive.

In 1982 the Second British Invasion was brought to the United States in color on MTV, and was ushered in by two very important videos: first and foremost with the complete smash “Don’t You Want Me” by The Human League (an electro masterpiece and forever influential) and then by Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf”, their first bonafide, giant US hit.  It wasn’t just MTV that had them on heavy rotation, it was nonstop over the airwaves as well: these two songs nearly swallowed up the 1982-83 season for radio.  In truth there was so much happening with British artists over here that year it is dizzying to consider; sound and image were delivered with enormous speed, and very persuasively.  It was a very rapid musical turnover (and considering my previous thoughts, I know this is ironic; however, a backlog is a backlog.)  The only problem for me that year was that I loathed “Hungry Like The Wolf”; this included the song, and the stupid video, in which I believe Simon Le Bon is in animal drag pursuing a female through the jungle, but I can’t be sure: I refuse to look at it again after being forced to 500 times.  I was also only mildly interested at the time in “Don’t You Want Me”, after being worn down by its’ endless radio play in the US.  However, the invasion had begun.

As a teenager, there was a lot to process in 1982/83: music was now television, and MTV was our god.  I wasn’t staying up late to look at the Brits, I was staying up late waiting for Prince to appear in a haze of multi-colored, neon-infused fog spinning around in high-heeled boots to “Little Red Corvette” (an incredible fusion of sound and image).  There was a lot to look over: Men at Work with “Who Can It Be Now”, A Flock of Seagull’s “I Ran (So Far Away)” which was HUGE in the states, and even Bowie, the originator, coming back from the dead with the future-forward “Ashes to Ashes” being re-aired (1980).  The Vee-jays talked and talked, and we absorbed every scene.  

In 1983 Duran issued their 8th single, “Is There Something I Should Know?” straight to MTV in a video directed by Russell Mulcahy, and it was at this moment that I sat up and took notice.  Technically the band had already conquered the UK and the US, but it took forever for these ideas to sail my way.  Capitol Records was looking for another hit and had the band create this track after their best album, Rio, was already a sensation, and they were starting to work on their third, Seven and the Ragged Tiger (a hilariously late-imperial and overblown, if rather beautiful, mess). For me, watching on TV, this video was my first impression of The New Romantics ever.  Even though DD's style had already moved forward into clothes that were more New wave, I could sense the old style running through the images.  Mulcahy, a true innovator in music videos, had directed many of Duran Duran’s previous clips, as well as for many other artists (notably Buggles “Video Killed The Radio Star”, MTVs first-ever video broadcast, and most representatively Duran’s “Planet Earth”, which, shockingly, I had missed).  His work initiated many of the classic techniques in video: spot lighting, jump cuts, platform stages, empty spaces, slo-motion, breaking glass, fog, bifurcated screens, costumes, nonsense—you name it.

Unbeknownst to me at that time, Capitol tacked this single on to Duran Duran’s first, self-titled debut LP (1981) for the 1983 US re-release, to capitalize on the huge success of Rio’s “Hungry Like the Wolf”.  Until this post, I was always confused at the range of style changes and images that we took in from Duran in ’83, and why I assumed this look was from 1981.  We were all taking in so much British fashion then it was impossible to sort any of it out.  The video, however, was sharp, clean, and brilliant, the clothes still holding a bit of the New Romantic flounce and swagger, but cut leaner, and cleaner; the bandmembers, by now seasoned stars, had clothes, hair and makeup all perfected in an exactitude of knowing postures, and the song was one of their best, and hookiest, with old touches of guitar from their previous work, and with synth-work that looked forward to the next record.  But in 1983, I thought that this was vintage Duran.

Fashion is a curiously hard thing to pin down, especially considering the clothes from London and Birmingham in the late 70s and early 80s.  I would submit that a classic, classic New Romantic look would be the Duran Duran of 1981: lots of makeup, lots of flounce and ruffles, lots of teased up hair (even a ponytail, here or there).  The beginning of the look sprang up alongside of punk (which was anarchic and utilitarian); Bowie and Bolan would be among the New Romantic inspirations.  By the time of the 80s things moved quickly, and Malcolm McClaren and Vivienne Westwood’s Sex shop become involved (Westwood’s Pirate collection in 1981—think Adam and the Ants—is a clear expansion of New Romantic fashion); however the Sex shop was also an expression of Punk fashion, and much more avant-garde, so the ideas began to merge and mutate.  By 1983, to be called a New Romantic band became an insult (and to these eyes a downright homophobic assault on foppery and artifice) and many bands distanced themselves from the title, if not outright denied it. Even a band like Spandau Ballet (a true New Romantic sensation from the Blitz club in London) moved away from those associations, and began to wear suits.  With the Duran of 1983 everything was trimmed down but one could see they were unashamed; if their clothes flounced less, they still had the spirit in them.  This was in contrast to the bands that resented the association for whatever reason: ABC, Depeche Mode, The Human League, Soft Cell, Simple Minds, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, and Talk Talk.  The other band closely associated with it, Culture Club, was fronted by Boy George, whose fashion sense ran from Bowie to Punk.  He seemed neither to take offense nor to care what they called him as long as they were looking.

Back in America I was watching all of this late at night on television—too late.  Many of these styles had emerged and were already smoldering in the ashes before we could understand or appropriate them here.  New wave we got, New Romantic we did not.  It did all rather re-flower in the mid to late 80s for us, however.  Looking at the back of the vinyl from the offshoot band Arcadia (with three members of Duran, 1985) I would say their old style had returned.  Around this period there were lots of brooches and asymmetrical haircuts, lots of layers, and lots of unashamed extra everything from nearly every pop artist everywhere. I think the British divisions had finally synthesized into a catch-all aesthetic.  In fact, it was this extra-ness that we now think of in America when we think of 1980s pop music. 

Back cover from Arcadia's So Red The Rose (1985)

But please—don’t call it New Romantic.  It just isn’t cool.

-

There were so many styles that emerged in the 80s from the streets, but none better than Bananarama, who were never hard to understand, being appropriated from street culture in England.  Like the Go-Gos, when you saw them, it was pretty clear what they were doing stylistically, and it was never anachronistic. US or UK, you just got it.

Researching this entry, and looking around on the internet, I became interested in the word “naff”, which because it is British has had many permutations, but mostly means awful, ugly, no-good.  I texted my friend British Rachel for the definition:

Me: Define “naff” Her: Deely Boppers and Ra Ra skirts. That was the 80s here.  Nightmare.   Thank god for Bananarama!

On an internet message board from The Guardian, I found a more complete, and complex, definition:

Naff is polari (or palare), the gay urban secret language developed in London to ensure conversational privacy in public when talking about gay sex or insulting straight people. Polari was widespread in London, and particularly in the theatre, from the 1940s-1960s, suffered a decline in the 1970s and 1980s, and has had a revival since the 1990s. It consists of snippets of Italian, Latin, Spanish, Yiddish, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Black-slang and acronyms. Naff is an example of the latter - Normal As Fuck - and means drab, unfashionable, dull. By extension, it is a defining characteristic of straight people, who lack the style and swagger of the urban homosexuals.

- Gerard Forde, London, UK

Well. Excluding Duran Duran, of course.

#1983 #duran duran #popmusic #new romantics #vivienne westwood #malcolm mclaren #mtv

[softxsuki]

god i hope i’m not late i was about to sleep but then i remembered your requests and i had to write one!!! sorry for the late request!!!

So my pronouns are she/her. The three fandoms i wouldn’t mind being paired up would be BTS, BNHA, and Obey Me! I would love to be paired up with male characters in a romantic setting.

I am an INFP and my zodiac sign is a Pisces!

I value mostly trust and friendship. I want to be able to joke around and have my lover be my best friend! We need to radiate the same energy and hopefully they will give back the same or even more in which I will gladly reciprocate back. But they also need to be calm and collected because I have trouble doing that. Acts of service and being told I do well is certainly my love language. I prefer taller people but everyone is taller than me lol since i’m only 5’2. I also don’t mind a man in glasses.

Generally when i meet people i am shy and nervous. Don’t really know how to break the ice. With friends, I laugh loudly and love to listen rather than talk about my own life. I love reading, drawing, and writing but spend most of my time immersed in video games. My taste in music I believe is trash because I listen to the same damn songs over and over again and most likely never get tired of them. I also take lots of naps because i tire easily and it’s been difficult because of my chronic illness, lupus. Every day is different and honestly the last month or so I haven’t been feeling the greatest…But I am doing better!

Lastly the type of scenario I would like would be possibly a “first interaction??” or how they would take care of me? I am lover of just fluff and the start of relationships where everything just feels right and new. I would to explore something like that. Thank you so much for doing this!!

1000 Follower Event Matchup #34

This event is CLOSED. The event masterlist is here.

Note: Hope you enjoy, sorry it's late!

***pls note that I no longer accept requests for bts <3 i love my boys but I don't feel comfortable writing fanfics for them anymore :)

 I match you with: KIRISHIMA, JUNGKOOK, and DIAVOLO

Runner ups: Kaminari, Jin, Mammon

Kirishima:

Kirishima makes the best lover but also friend for you

It’s like dating your best friend, with the perks of being able to kiss and stuff

He loves joking around with you and playing video games with you and the rest of your friends

Acts of service are his thing–he’s always doing little things for you that he knows you’d like, for instance, asking Bakugou to teach him to cook something so he can make a meal for you, buying you flowers, opening the door for you, lending you his jackets. IT'S THE SMALL THINGS THAT COUNT

He’s an extrovert so he does talk a lot and loves that you listen to him, though he wants to hear from you as well, so he’d ask you questions to help get some answers from you

How does he take care of you?

Kirishima is always watching out for you, making sure you’re doing okay

He’s the type of guy who has a conversation with someone, but is also paying attention to you at the same time

Let’s say you’re both out for dinner with your friends and you drop your fork so you bend down to pick it up

He places his hand along the edge of the table as you bend down, while absorbed in a conversation with Kaminiari, making sure you don’t hit your head on the table when you come back up–he’s always watching you (not in a creepy way lol)

He’s very subtle but exact with his caring for you, he won’t be over the top, but at the end of the day, you’ll never feel insecure that he doesn’t care for you

Jungkook:

Jungkook would just be such a fun boyfriend for you

He’s quirky and lots of fun, going out of his comfort zone to do the most daring things, and he’s definitely inviting you along for it all

I just picture you having the time of your life with him

He’s very daring and adventurous, but he’s also a cutie that believes in love at first sight by hearing a bell chime and I think that is so adorable :( 

He’s so pure hearted and kind, thinking of you all the time through everything he does 

Jungkook always compliments you on how well you’re doing something, he even randomly says it so you know that you’re doing well and making someone proud, so you should be happy with yourself as well

Jungkook loves to draw with you, you both have fun trying to draw each other or just spending quality time together drawing and playing video games together

There’s never a dull moment with him

How does he take care of you?

Jungkook is very protective over you, so he naturally takes very good care of you

Any ounce of discomfort on your face and he jumps in immediately to take care of the issue (if he can)

He knows you struggles with lupus and does whatever he can to support you, yet doesn’t want you to miss out on the fun on days where it may be harder for you, so he has no problem just being there for you at home, enjoying each others company

Truly perfect, I’m telling you

Diavolo:

Diavolo! It was a close match between Dia and Mammon for me

But I went with Diavolo, because as fun and laid back as he may be, he also knows when to be serious and mature, something Mammon struggles with

Diavolo loves having fun with you; he’s always trying to escape from his mountain of paperwork, sneaking past Barbatos so he can spend some time with you in a place that isn’t his office lol

You both sneak off into town together to get some food

He even likes bringing you to the human world where you can introduce him to some of your favorite things to do and favorite foods to eat

Leviathan got him into games so he likes to practice his skills with you

His go-to is quiet moments with you in his office (since Barbatos always drags him there and he drags you with him lol) so while he does his paperwork, you find a quiet corner in his office (that he has supplied with comfortable pillows and blankets) so you can read

How does he take care of you?

As Future King of the Devildom, he uses his power and connection to get the best doctor for you when your lupus gets particularly bad

He’d go as far as to call help from the human world if the doctors in the Devildom can’t help you

Though he’s incredibly busy as President of the RAD student council and Future King of the Devildom, he’s never too busy for you, and goes out of his way to ensure he can always care for you and be there for you when you need it

He walks you back home (whether you live in his castle or with the brothers is up to you) since he knows how dangerous it can be for you to walk alone since not everyone there agreed with your presence in the Devildom (not that anyone would be dumb enough to mess with the future leader’s woman lol)

But yeah :) I think he’s a great match for you!

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 9/6/2023

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #kirishima x reader #mha matchup #bnha matchup #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts matchup #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #diavolo x reader #diavolo x mc #obey me matchups

[lovelyteng]

My Bio and My Social Media Accounts

Full Name: Trisha Jane Postrado Nickname: Teng (Alias), LovelyTeng (Main Social Media Name), TJ Birthday: November 30, 2002 Age: 21 Sexuality: Aroace Gender: Female (She/Her) Nationality: Filipino Fandoms: Mixels, Brawl Stars, Luigi’s Mansion Series, No Straight Roads Interests/Inactive Fandoms: Cuphead Series, Bendy Series, Balan Wonderworld, Welcome Home, My Singing Monsters Series, Object Shows, Cookie Run Series, Rainbow Friends, Alphabet Lore/Number Lore, Garten of Banban, The Amazing Digital Circus Favorite Foods: Cookie & Cookie Desserts, Cheese-Powdered Potatoes, Berries Drinks, Choco Drinks Likes: Characters who same voice actors in one show, characters dressed up with other series, dark/mystery/horror stories, music/songs, science fiction, favorite characters got major roles in story, Dislikes: Bullying, haters, insults, forgetting and ignored about happened events, danger in real life, her sister’s ego, anyone talking about doing my secret and private as violate by family Favorite Characters: Dribbal (Mixels), Mortis (Brawl Stars), Neon J. (No Straight Roads), Dr. Potter (Luigi’s Mansion Series), Dr. Kahl (Cuphead Series), Edgar (Bendy Series), Cal Suresh (Balan Wonderworld), Howdy Pillar (Welcome Home), Kinger (The Amazing Digital Circus) Personality I’m so introverted, self-awareness, social anxiety, possibility, over-cautious, self-absorbed for my family and neighbors, self-assertive, sometimes obsessed with infection event like virus as turn into forms in stories as I’m made my fanfiction and characters are sometimes creepy or/and nervous from everyone else, kindness, respect to my family's right decisions, popular items as bought by app, sometimes sadness, friendly, knowledge of mathematics, skills of art, passion of science fiction and video games, I have a short-term memory loss due to autism as I am, but I rather remember about passion as focus, quickly boredom when run out of idea and then quickly entertain to something interesting as special event, I always laughs when awkward silence as I’m always shy. I’m always quiet and can't speak properly, but loud out when I’m being serious.

Note - I’m a lot of scars from my childhood as foreshadow about my sadness started in 2021. - Figured out that I am autistic, thanks to my cousin when he talked to my mother about me for my major issues in 2022. I thinks he figured out to me during my childhood which I rivalry him, but after years he becomes less mischief and more respect to me at teen years onward. My mother and I don't know I was autistic at all until 2022 as figured out by my cousin. - Coming out as Aroace in 2020 when I’m lacking love for my former love interest after breaking up as I've moved on, I don't want to romance anyone else due to a traumatic event. - Secretly, I officially don't like snakes, cockroaches, spiders, and frogs in real life as I have seen that, but I like them in any video games and cartoon. - I have a fear of heights, fire, stares at me in real life, sometimes speaking in public, sharp objects, and being dark when alone. - I'm a little enthusiastic (and obsessed) with dark stories about infection events, characters with the same voice actor in one show at arts and fanfictions, and my favorite characters in the story as major roles. DeviantArt - https://deviantart.com/lovelyteng2002 Twitter - https://twitter.com/LovelyTeng2002 Wattpad - https://wattpad.com/user/LovelyTeng YouTube - https://youtube.com/channel/UC82acvZ47-bmY3CF3l7SkzA… FanFiction Net. - https://fanfiction.net/u/10938801/ Archive of Our Own - https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyTeng/profile… TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@lovelyteng

#My Bio

[the-septic-maniac]

In Those Moments

(Spoiler warning for S1 and S5 of CC and trigger warnings for sewerside thoughts, hospital settings, and needles. Special thanks to @cornerstoneeeee who kinda inspired me indirectly to write this and to @blugnettabutterflies for encouging me to write this. After several hours, 4 shots of espresso and a grilled cheese sandwich here's the finished story. for a better experience, please listen to the songs I linked. I hope you enjoy ^^)

“Why did they have to help me?” Jones asked himself lying in the hospital bed. He didn't want to be here anymore. He didn't want to live after losing his girlfriend who meant so much to him. Clair De Lune slowly plays in the background as his colleagues chat worryingly about him. He stared at the sterile white walls that surrounded him. He could feel the IV needle that was in his arm, pumping whatever fluid was needed into him just to barely keep him alive. The smell of the sterile environment stung in his nostrils. It smelled of nothing but at the same time his brain, at least with what little he was functioning with, tried to piece what it was. The sounds of the heart monitor rang in his ear. Everything felt like it was lasting forever. He just wanted to be gone already. He started to think “Maybe if I just close my eyes ill finally be gone… Or wake up to that this entire case was just one tremendous nightmare.” he nervously chuckled at the last bit as he started to fall asleep.

“Sir? Detective Jones?” He started to rustle awake at the sound of his name being called out. Upon finding the origin of the voice, he was greeted by Mia Loukas, her scars and injuries even showing up in death. “Ah thought you had passed out again sir” Jones never really interacted with Mia outside of when she came in to report a situation that required his attention. Looking around, he noticed that he was no longer at the hospital. It sure as hell smelled like he was somewhere else as well. It smelled of fresh coffee and baked goods. A song played in the background that he only faintly recognized from a Japanese murder mystery game. He couldn't quite place his finger on it. The place had a homey feel to it. Pieces started to fall into place for him. They were in a local coffee shop in downtown Grimsbourgh. “Sir, please don’t give up yet” Mia spoke in a calm but serious voice. “Huh?” Jones had dazed out while trying to absorb the atmosphere of where he is. “Am I dead?” he said in a nervous yet hopeful tone. “Not quite sir. But if I and a few others don't help you, you will be.” Jones looked down, a shadow obscuring his face. “I don’t need anyone’s help…” Mia sighed in frustration. “Look I know you barely know me but let me try to help you. I may have been some beat cop but I and many others on the lower parts of the force and probably some of the higher parts look up to you. Heck often times when I am on patrol, ill hear civilians talk about the deeds that you and Player did five years ago. You inspire people.” 

He sat there in silence. “How could I of all people, inspire people? Player did most of the dirty work” Mia scowled at that comment. She grabbed his face and stared directly into his eyes. “I bet you dimes the dozen that Player would not have been able to do it without you. Heck, I bet you that the player was inspired by you more than most of us on the force which drove them to work harder. Plus without you, so many people wouldn't have the courage to stand up for themselves. Close your eyes and listen to the conversations around you” Doing just that, tears started to form in his eyes. Little kids talking about how they wanted to become detectives like him and people talk about how much they respect him for what he does. In his metaphorical heart, it felt like a little flame had been lit. it wasn't big but it wasn't exactly small either. “I don't understand fully…” he said softly. “I guess you won’t fully right now. Our time is up. It's time for you to go back to the real world for now” Shaken by the sudden cut off he tried to try and talk with Mia more but it fell on deaf ears as his surroundings faded out and him drifting to sleep again.

As he started to wake back up he was greeted by the same white walls, the beeping of the machines, and the smell. Clair de Lune seemed to be playing a bit faster. Not much faster than last time but just a bit. He had a visitor. It was Player. They chatted with him about miscellaneous things. After a bit, they left him as something had come up. Before they left they had said “I couldn't have done it without you when I first started all those years back. With the Order. Had it not been for you being such a great inspiration and partner, I don't think I would have joined the force in the first place.” Jones felt the little flame in his heart get a bit bigger. 

After a few more visits and nurses checking up on him, he started to drift asleep again.

“David? David! Wake up!” a voice called out to him. As he woke up, he was greeted by Nathan. “Huh? Nathan?” A sigh came from them. The location was different from the last time. It was relatively small. Both of them were the only ones present in the room. Small, plain, on the ground cupboards were on one side of the room. On top of those was a microwave and a small radio playing jazz. A yellowish-white fridge that was seemingly in disrepair was in the corner of the room. Opposite of that was a water cooler. It smelled slightly musty because of old water in the cooler. The walls had peeling paint revealing tacky old wallpaper. They were in one of the old break rooms. Nathan was the first one to speak about the situation. “David, I know you have heard this a lot as late and it's likely as dull as a frosting knife but please don't give up.You have no idea how many people you have impacted on the force as their friend” Jones sat there in silence. He didn't think he had any friends at that moment within the force. At least not outside of Player. “I can tell you're struggling to think of examples of what I mean by that. You are one of the primary reasons Cathy and Alex even got together. I don't think you fully realize it but if it had not been for you, I don't even think the two would have even gotten to know each other. Had you not pushed Alex to dance with Cathy, her grandfather’s death would have surely been more painful for her” David nervously laughed at the mention of Cathy’s grandfather, the old chief of police. A death that he could have possibly stopped. “I’m surprised she even talked to me after that… I’m surprised anyone on the force that I could consider a friend talks to me. I’m a bit of a jackass to most of the people there” Jones muttered to himself. 

Nathan chuckled at that “You are but you are our jackass.” Jones looked at Nathan in confusion. They sat there for a solid minute or so. During that, the song that played in the background started to stick out more. It was sad. Reminded him of the times he had with what he thought were his friends. Just thinking about it made him sadly chuckle. One person came to mind in this discussion about friends. Eduardo Rameriz. The one person he poked the most fun at while on the force. It was an odd surprise that he came back to Grimsbourogh after being in Pacific Bay. “Thinking about Eduardo huh? I can tell by the look on your face. He still considers you a friend you know despite what you did.” “I highly doubt it…” “You may doubt it but its the truth.” 

Jones sat there and thought for a few moments about what he had done for his friends. In doing that, the little flame got bigger again. It went from a small plume that you would see on a match to what you would see from a lighter. Nathan smiled recognizing that something within Jones had clicked. The scenery had started to fade away. “I hope I don’t have to see you anytime soon old friend. If I do though, ill welcome you with open arms” Nathan hugged Jones as he started to wake up in the real world once more.

Waking up in the hospital this time, Clair de Lune had started to pick up not just in speed again but in a general mood. It still looked and smelled like the same old hospital but something had changed with him. Was he feeling hope again? He couldn't tell but maybe just maybe something was left for him. It was still shrouded with doubts and fear for the future but it was still a small glimmer. Player was there once again in his room along with his coworkers checking up on him if he was still hanging on. He heard about possible letters being found that were written by his late girlfriend. His heart fluttered at the rumor. They all gave him words of comfort. Unlike in the beginning, he actually listened and it warmed him up just a bit more. After a bit more he started to fall asleep again.

“DETECTIVE DAVID JEREMIAH JONES WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?” A familiar voice jolted Jones awake. The voice was old but it was one that he hadn't heard in five years. “Chief King?!?” The old chief stared at the detective with a stern look. Jones looked around. He was in the Chief’s office. Listening to the song in the background, he recognized it as Homage. The Chief sighed “You still have so much potential. I hate seeing you here having decided that you would rather die than live on.” he sadly chuckled. Jones sat there his head hung low disappointed in himself. “I hate that you tried to go the same path that I did after it seemed like everything that you thought you had was lost to an outside force. You still have so much to do yet you attempted to do a permanent solution to a temporary problem…” Jones sat there with those last few words echoing in his head “A permanent solution to a temporary problem.” 

While those words echoed in his mind, a case that he did pop into his head. A case that one of the witnesses he had just realized he was mirroring. A lost love and the victim resorting to suicide to try and solve it. He was dazed out thinking about it. He had saved that girl's life yet here he was, in the exact situation that she was in. He sadly chuckled wondering how his past self would react. Chief King’s voice snapped him back into reality “You have done so much for the city and for the ones close to you. Without you and many others, the order would still be active.” He locked eyes with Jones. “I do not want to ever see you again in this space. Not until it is truly your time. Promise me that David Jones” Jones sat there for a moment. “ I promise” Chief King sighed in relief. Before the scene completely faded they shook each other's hands. “See you on the other side sir” “In due time David Jones. In due time”

Having woken up again in the hospital Player and Amir sat in there with him. Amir explained that he had made the necessary antidote to help keep him alive before he started to have those bouts of coming in and out of consciousness. Player handed him something. They were letters. Letters from her. He read them. As he did, the same song that had been playing this entire time he had stayed here, changed in tone. “My darling David! You've stood by me through everything that's happened, which has meant the world to me. I don't know what the future holds for me, whether I'll ever get better and go back to my old life. But my only hope is that you, David, remember all the happy days we had, before all of this happened.” His voice while reading it cracked into a sob. He thanked Player for saving him and hugged them tightly. Amir said that he should soon be able to leave the hospital. Jones nodded and after they left he fell asleep again.

“David sweetie, I'm here~” a sweet yet gentle voice woke Jones up. As he opened his eyes, in front of him stood Zoe Kasuma, his late girlfriend. She looked just as beautiful as the day they met. A familiar song played in the background. It was a song that they danced to at one of the police balls, Honeybee was the name of the song. They didnt seem to be really anywhere.  Zoe held his face “please dont blame my death on yourself. I know you feel bad about not being to protect me but it could be helped.” he nodded. “O-ok” They looked at each other. After a few moments, Jones offered his hand to Zoe. “One last dance my Honeybee?” Zoe with tears in her eyes “Of course dear” They danced and sang the lyrics together. Soon as everything started to fade away along with Zoe as the song started to end, they had one last kiss. It felt so warm and soft like a bundle of feathers. Soon after everything faded, Jones cried his absolute heart out, “Goodbye Zoe…”

He woke up from the dream. He read the letter from Zoe again. The fire in his heart turned into a full-fledged wildfire. A nurse came in clearing him to leave. As he got ready to leave in those moments, Clair De Lune was at the end of the song and at its happy ending. He was ready to look at things in a new way and help those in need once more.

#criminal case #criminal case jones #criminal case game #criminal case zoe kusama #zoe kusama #nathan pandit #mia loukas #criminal case samuel king #criminal case grimsborough #criminal case the conspiracy

[thatblondeperson]

It is hard to explain for those not experiencing it.

As a child I spent a lot of time planning my dream wedding, reading romantic stories, acting out long term romantic plots with my Bratz dolls akin to a soap opera, over romanticizing crushes and writing songs and poetry to Joe Jonas. I have always considered myself a hopeless romantic. I still am. Even after being avoided as a piece of the dating pool in my teenage years save for one invitation to a dance, I still put a heavy focus on romance in my life. Just not tangibly for myself. I look back at hopeful diary entries and pages and pages full of lyrics about experiences I didn’t actually have, almost writing fanfictions about myself that were left unfinished. Looking back, I can see the signs that pointed me to where I am now, but the pain of all those dreams being rendered naïve and fruitless isn’t resolved by simply saying, “I am asexual and aromantic. I m not alone.”

I am alone.

It’s a hard concept to discuss when you’re always surrounded by others who don’t experience life the way that you do. Many are very understanding, but then of course you get the “well maybe you’ll find someone like you!” optimism that’s so easily thrown out for others when you’re used to having a larger dating pool to choose from.

Asexuals make up what, 2-4% of the population according to currently available data? Lets be generous and say 4%. You have to subtract women from that for myself, since I don’t feel any aesthetic attraction to potentially dating women. That lowers the percentage to just men and nonbinary folk. Remove from that everyone who isn’t my age, and then again everyone who doesn’t live in my vicinity. Then of course narrowing it down to those with similar interests as me since that’s desperately important to me and the pool is suddenly much smaller. This is all of course banking on the fact that going on dates does not send me into such a severe panic attack and deep pit of self loathing that is nearly unrecoverable from and I bolt as soon as I start to crumble inwards.

Which is basically why allosexuals are mostly off the market for myself as the societal pressure that hangs over my head and the pace difference between people with normal desires versus myself is literally too much for me to handle. Plus the joy of being told you’re “not worth the wait” by more than one gentleman caller.

So “maybe you’ll find someone like you!” doesn’t really work out when you break it down from a more logical standpoint that gets more cynical with each passing year.

And the acceptance does come, and you joke about being asexual and a virgin and being a perpetually single pringle. It’s fun, and you mesh well with others and you don’t feel totally out of place with the people around you. Life is fine. You’re here and you’re living it and it’s fine.

But your friends are going on dates, making connections, suddenly posting fun romantic pictures with significant others and then they’re married and there’s a baby on the way and suddenly you feel all alone again.

I’m not gonna read the sob story of how I’ve actually been left behind by friends once they got partners, it’s self explanatory. Couples group together, or people get so absorbed in their relationship that they have little time for friends so where does that leave someone like myself? A single person who doesn’t bring much to the table other than an occasional laugh and a random factoid about something you didn't know. It’s not much when you want to talk to others about the joy of being in love and all that fun stuff.

And I get jealous and selfish. Is it wrong for me to hope that someone else stays single with me? Absolutely. And I don’t even really want that because I want my friends to be happy, I want them to live their lives the way they desire and I want them to find someone they deserve who gives them everything they want and more. But I don’t want to be left behind, the solitary single-celled organism in an otherwise evolved ecosystem. I don’t want to be alone in this, but I know I mostly am and it sucks, it hurts, and people who aren’t like me have no idea what that crushing weight of inadequacy and ostracization feels like. Society was not made for me, and I can’t shape myself to fit society without potentially seriously traumatizing myself. 

And what’s worse is I know that an entire childhood of buildup for some great romance does make for some situational issues like when drunk!Sofie gets really affectionate, probably due to some psychological issue with being touch starved despite not wanting to be touched as soon as I’m sober. This gives people the wrong idea because drunk!Sofie and sober!Sofie are vastly different people and then I'm leading people on unintentionally. And is there some link with all of this to the trauma I experienced at 8 years old? I don’t fucking know and that’s something I can never get full closure on. Would this all be fixed if I just fucked someone and got it over with? I don’t know and I’m pretty sure I’d cry during that experience and fall into a deep depression because I’d be forcing myself so far out of my comfort zone that I don’t think I’d ever find my way back.

And I look at my friends being happy or trying to be and all I feel is this selfish sinking feeling of “what about me?” while the space around me gets darker and emptier and I worry that soon it will just be me playing with my Bratz dolls again and acting out the things I can never have.

Why me? Why can’t I have any of that? What did I do to end up like this? Why do people like me even exist? Surely I’m an evolutionary mistake in the grand scheme of how ecosystems work, so perhaps me dying alone is the universes way of correcting a faux pas. “Throw that one back into the void, it wasn’t supposed to exist.” It doesn’t feel fair to have all the theoretical desires of human existence but just never want to put them into practice. I GET romance. I GET intimacy. I GET all of the things that make everyone else feel happy and loved and secure and sure of life and what it’s supposed to all mean. So why don’t I get to have it? Understanding isn’t enough when you flinch and twitch at the thought of people getting too close, because eventually they will want more than you can give, and you understand and respect that but you cannot be the person they need. People have needs, and I can’t oblige those happily.

I shouldn’t be so distressed when anyone shares any detail of their life that has to do with anything relating to romantic relationships at all, but I can’t help it. I wish I could. I can’t help wishing it was all simple again and we were all back at the same level. Young and awkward and confused with little to no experience to speak of. It feels like I’m trapped in the past, a child walking around in an adult’s body. They’re all happy, and I’m jealous because I want that, and I’m scared that they’ll leave me behind because who wants to drag their childish friend along while you could be out with other adults having a normal fucking life?

And I’m angry because it’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair. No one else has to deal with this. Which I know isn’t true but statistically from my tangible zone here, it’s just me and I’m stuck feeling like the world is going by and I’m standing still waiting for a miracle to “fix” me. I can read a million posts that tell me I’m not broken, but it doesn’t matter because I still feel it and I don’t want to. It sucks, I want to feel normal. I want to be normal. I want the normal life that everyone else on the fucking planet is promised.

I don’t want to be selfish, I don’t want to be jealous, I don’t want to feel like I’m losing everyone around me just because I’m the outlier in the existence we’re all inhabiting. It’s not fair to them and it’s not healthy for me to constantly dwell on things that aren’t even happening. But fear is tricky, and it does things to you that over time, just messes up your outlook on everything, even other people's happiness. 

And I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry for anyone who may have had to face my cynical self projection of my own perpetual loneliness, because explaining all of this is too hard for me and what it really boils down to is me trying to tell people that I don’t want to lose them, and I don’t want to be left behind. 

Please don’t leave me behind.

#personal #tmi #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aromantism #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer #loneliness

[stilesssolo]

hi!! I can’t wait to read more bicbty 🙂 I know it hasn’t been long at all, but do you have a lil sneak peek you could share? hope you’re having a nice summer

Thank you anon, I am having a nice summer!! 🥰 I just got back from a wonderful week at the beach where I actually managed to write a bunch so I had plenty to choose from for a sneak peek!! Here you go!! ❤️

***

“I like when we all have dinner together,” Ella declares after swallowing a mouthful of pasta, and Dany just laughs.

“I do too,” she says. Her eyes flit to Jon, shining in a way that makes his heart swoop. “Your dad’s a good cook.”

“Better than you, Mumma,” Ella says matter-of-factly, and Jon can’t help the too-loud laugh that comes bursting out of him. Dany’s jaw had dropped at Ella’s declaration, but now her gaze turns to him again, horribly affronted.

“Jon!” she hisses, but he can’t stop laughing, despite how clearly offended she is.

“I’m sorry, truly, but she’s got a point,” Jon says. “You’re not a bad cook. It’s just never been your forte, love.” Dany’s mouth snaps shut at that, and he realizes too late the pet name he’d just let slip. Shit. Hopefully Ella is too absorbed in her dinner to notice that.

“Still, Ella, that’s not a kind thing to say to your mum,” Jon chastises.

“Sorry, Mumma,” Ella says, properly abashed. Dany softens, smiling at their daughter.

“Thank you, sweet,” Dany says. She turns to Jon then, gaze sharp, challenging. “And just for the record, I’m much better at baking than you’ll ever be.”

“Aye, you are,” Jon agrees. Baking, he’d long ago discovered, is actually just math, which explains his great lack of talent when it comes to baked goods. “But between you and my mum, I hardly even need to know how.”

Dany rolls her eyes affectionately. “Well, I guess you’ll have to see if I’m willing to share next time I make lemon bars, then.”

“That’s low,” he retorts, but Dany’s barely holding back laughter, her eyes alight, lips curled up like she’s fighting valiantly not to smile.

“I’m all done,” Ella declares, and Jon blinks, pulled from his moment with Dany, regarding their daughter’s empty plate. “Can I watch TV?”

“Mm, no,” Dany says. “Not with that comment about my cooking earlier.”

“But this is Daddy’s house,” Ella says, brow furrowing, and Jon has to bite back laughter again.

“Rhaella Snow, what has gotten into you today?” Dany demands. “Are you suggesting you don’t have to listen to me at Daddy’s house?”

“Nooo,” Ella says, grinning slyly at her mother, and Jon has to bury his head in his hands to keep from laughing out loud.

“Mm, very convincing,” Dany says, and though her eyes are narrowed, she’s smiling just a bit. “How about you help me clean the dishes instead, yeah?”

“You sure?” Jon says as they stand, all clearing the table. She just nods, giving him a little smile.

“Of course. You cooked. Don’t worry about it; we’ve got it.”

Jon shrugs, wandering out of the kitchen, not really sure what to do with himself. After a moment, though, he finds himself gravitating back towards his piano, as he has so frequently in the past week. Writing has always been his preferred way to process things, but between his and Dany’s talks and his returned passion for music, it’s like a dam inside him has been broken open, and he can’t stop writing. Dany had caught him in the middle of a different song when she’d dropped Ella off earlier in the week, and already he’s on to another one.

He takes a seat at his piano bench, flipping up the keylid and shuffling through the staff paper he has piled on the edge of the instrument. The song on top he’d started this morning, the idea growing and taking full form as he’d worked away at it till this afternoon, but the sound of Dany and Ella laughing as they clean dishes together in his kitchen, like this is just a normal day, like this is just where both of them belong, always, feeds him new inspiration, and he begins to play again.

#did i actually finish this chapter yesterday? perhaps 👀 #my goal to get two chapters written this summer is looking feasible!!! #baby i’ll come back to you #asks #answered #anonymous

[horsesarecreatures]

Had a long talk today with one of my former trainers. She is an exercise rider that also takes her own ottbs and student’s ottbs to the Retired Racehorse Project every year and has been pretty successful.  What she told me about Unbridled’s Song is this: his offspring did have a low durability ranking, but a large part of that probably had to do with the fact that he was huge at 17 hands,  passed on his size, huge horses mature more slowly, and they were almost all raced at only 2 years old. When the trainers did wait a bit longer, the horses did a lot better, and this includes Cannoli’s 17.3 hand sire Graydar, who had 5 wins in 6 starts, always placed, and didn't race until 3. Side note, I was told that Cannoli was 15.3 hands, but I think he’s actually in the 16 hand range. Chip was 15.3 and he looks taller to me than Chip. He’s not quite as tall as Indy who is 16.3 hands, though, so I’m guessing he’s 16 hands. 

All in all, her experience was that while the young Unbridled’s Song descendants are injury prone, once they mature it’s not an inherent chronic issue, and she’s known the majority to be sound riding horses once they retired. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean anything for Cannoli since even though he is getting the absorbable implant surgery with a much better outcome than the screw insertion surgery, the findings on his radiographs were deemed to be abnormal by my vet and the UPenn vet, so it’s harder to predict if it will be successful on him as well. But I’m feeling more hopeful that he can at least attain pasture soundness. 

The situation is stressing me out, though. The problem is that the nuclear scintigraphy + ct scan + bone cyst surgery + hauling are obviously quite expensive. There is money in the estate account that I am entitled to that would cover it, but I still can't settle the estate and get that money until the estate income taxes are paid, and they are not. What happened was that after pervy Rob the accountant made the bizarre remark to me, I did decide to switch accountants. It sounds awful, but I regret it because this new guy started but is not motivated to finish. The estate has been on hold for literally months now. I check up on it every week and the guy is just like, “Oh yeah, yeah, I’m on it” when he isn’t. But what am I going to do. Unfortunately, due to the labor shortage, there are a lot people getting away with absolute laziness because they know they have no replacements. It’s a problem that I’ve also had with the probate lawyers and building contractors. Never would I have predicted that after 3 years the estate still would not be settled. I may have the time and motivation to get things done, but unfortunately it’s not one person job, and I can't force others to work on the same timeline as me.

I don’t regret getting Cannoli as rescuing a horse was on my horse-related bucket list anyway as well as starting a project horse, and while I didn't initially consider him a real rescue, in light of what has been learned about Another Spin I now do consider him “rescued from the rescue,” even though that was not my original intention. It just would have been a lot better if this had happened in three more years. But, he is my buddy now, and I am learning a ton about thoroughbred rehab lol. 

[doorplays]

Door Reviews: Kentucky Route Zero (2020)

I have recently gotten a new job, which gave me access to a steady income, but has cut down on my gaming time due to the commutes. I looked for games to play on my cellphone since I am in the train around two hours each day, and what better way to kill time than to play games on the go? I found Kentucky Route Zero free on mobile (only free if you have a Netflix subscription), so I found myself downloading it and giving it a whirl.

It was a ride. I wanna talk about this game. So I decided to write a review. Let’s get to it.

What’s it about? Kentucky Route Zero is about Conway, a delivery man charged with one last job. It becomes harder than anticipated to finish. He meets various people along the way who help him and point him in the right direction. Through his journey, we experience this game’s world and all it holds.

STYLE (Gameplay, Graphics, Music)

Gameplay typically has you exploring the game area by area, scene by scene. You would be in control of one character, navigating the area via point-and-click (or for my case, press-and-click via touchscreen). You interact with objects and talk to people, choosing dialogue options in response.

Transitioning between scenes and areas happens when the game throws you into the overworld map, encouraging you to navigate towards the next destination. I say “encourage” because you are still free to explore the map and discover other places. You are a lone deliveryman plying the Kentucky highways, you are bound to see some unique sights in your travels!

The game has five acts and five interludes. I felt like I should mention this because the gameplay varies in the interludes as well. While it still feels like a visual novel in a sense, it experiments with how the player perceives it. Changes in perspective, changes in characters, even changes in gameplay. One of the interludes is just you using the telephone! I find all of it strange, yet compelling. Maybe even a bit dreamlike, in some ways.

The art is gorgeous. Solid colors, good backgrounds. The places feel dark at times, due to the lighting, yet there’s a familiarity to them. The animations are subtle, yet deliberate. The characters are distinct yet nondescript, like they’re from editorials or something. Faceless, yet you feel like you’ve met them before, or at least someone similar.

The music is phenomenal. Bluegrass/country music abound and are very much at home in the setting. The sound design itself is well made, sounds coming at the right moments. The songs are well timed, sung during scenes where they are very much apt, feelings of wistfulness and longing just rolling across the dirt road landscape of Kentucky.

All of these combined lends to a rather avant-garde experience. It feels like I’m walking through a specialty museum. Despite its weirdness, it feels familiar, cozy even. The gas station with the friendly owner, the dinghy bar with the struggling barkeep, the office building with the bureaucratic clerks… The game can feel imposing in its ambition, but it never lets you forget that it’s a game about going through the country, finding the feeling of home wherever you go.

SUBSTANCE (Story, Characters, Impact)

It creeps up on you, this game.

The story starts out in a gas station, with you controlling Conway. You get Conway to get out of his truck, maybe petting your dog, whose name is either Homer or Blue. You have him talk to the owner, maybe you two talk about some random stuff, but you ultimately ask: how do you get to the Zero? This is what drives Conway: the act of completing his last delivery.

This game’s story feels like a long drive. I haven’t really done one. But this game evokes images of driving through long stretches of road across wide open expanses. You don’t really know where you’re going. You don’t know where the road will take you. But you feel the wind on your face. The rocks bumping against the tires. The vast stretches of sky. You get so absorbed in the journey that you almost forget why Conway is going to the Zero in the first place.

And well, the destination doesn’t really matter as much for this game, at least for me. I liked my experience just seeing the visuals, reading the words and the things they evoke. I like that the people in this game feel real, their presence reinforced by the stories they give. I liked steering them from one chapter to another, choosing my answers in a way that feels right for the characters at the time.

I like how this game plays with the medium, in a way. I mentioned earlier that the interludes have changes in gameplay. They feel like their own experiences, vignettes in between acts. It feels like they’re distilling a particular moment or feeling, and stretching it wide enough for you to luxuriate in.

This applies in the acts themselves too. There are some magical moments in this game. Hearing of peoples’ stories, exploring a parking lot after a rainy day, driving across the Kentucky highways… these all sound so simple, and yet this game makes them so magical and fraught with meaning. It feels artsy in a down-to-earth way, if that makes sense.

Overall, I really like this game’s story. It meanders in a way that doesn’t drag on. It celebrates its own mundanity, making it magical. And it discusses serious themes with the necessary gravity they need.

VERDICT

This game feels experimental in a way that I like. It discusses some serious themes in a way that isn’t heavy handed. It plays with how it presents the narrative in interesting ways. And it made me feel a lot of things!

I didn’t expect to feel a lot of feelings from an unassuming game. But here we are. And I wish to have you experience it too! I hope you enjoy your own journey with this game as much as I enjoyed mine!

Door Rates Kentucky Route Zero: 5/5!

#door reviews #kentucky route zero #krz