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aezuria · 29 days

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*ੈ✎ he's an all american boy!

content: american football player! jason grace x reader

╰┈▸ back cover: mortal! au; part I | part II

warnings: cursing (sorry guys), kinda random non-linear plot (but its hcs so its fine)

librarian's annotations: guys help i need a song title/lyric that fits this so it can be my title

also IM GOING FERAL I THINK THE ANGST MADE ME INSANE SO THIS IS HOW I COPE can you guys tell im projecting by the way ppl fawn over him in this

bro is actually hotshot #1

right when he walks into the school he is BOMBARDED with students like theyre papparazi

hes just

tall, handsome, buff- what more could a girl want?? (there are other criteria he meets but we'll get to that later)

the picture perfect quarterback straight from a damn movie

NOT TO MENTION HES NOT SOME COCKY JERK

at first ppl were like "omg hes so hot but im not gonna go up to him cause what if hes mean???"

and then he goes up to them and hes all shy like

"excuse me? i need to get to my locker, sorry if i interrupted your conversation." and hes scratching the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly

HEART EYES

word spreads fast in hs yall already know

so when everyone finds out hes not only tall, handsome and buff but also KIND??

head over heels

and hes not exactly oblivious to it but hes not fully aware of it either

probably like "oh yea a lot of ppl talk to me idk why tho its probably cause my friends are popular"

bby you’re the most popular out of your friends don’t even

hes such a good student too

teachers love him

hes everyones golden boy fr (especially mine teehee)

usually sits in the front of the class unless his friends make him sit with them in the back

then he pulls out his glasses that he keeps in its case, even having the lil wipe thing folded neatly

cue shocked gasps

"omg you wear glasses?"

"do you need to clean them? here have my handkerchief!" ("who even are you can't you see he has one")

"those suit you so well!"

his ears turn red at the sudden burst of attention and he laughs nervously, muttering his thanks

even the teacher wasnt mad at the disruption bc who would get mad at jason?

(he got little nudges from his friends after)

you guys know that one jock whose actually a nerd x nerd trope???

i dont even know if it exists but it sounds cute anyway

thats you and jason

he had his first conversation- if you could call it that, at the library when you guys were abt to grab the same book (ugh so cliche right)

being the gentleman he was, he let you have it

to which you tried to refute but he INSISTED

"oh, y/n it's yours. i'll just get a different one."

which got you a little intimidated bc who wouldnt be intimidated by a 6'2 jock thats the talk of the town

you thanked him profusely and scampered away

wait did he just say my name? how does he even know who i am?

that probably kept you up at night

like "oh my god did i just embarrass myself in front of THE jason grace???? did i walk away weird?"

little did you know that the jason grace was awake that same night

"did i scare her?? why did she look like that when i said her name? did my voice crack? did she think i was weird cause my hand brushed against hers? oh my god my hand brushed against hers.."

started noticing you EVERYWHERE after that

like he knew you guys were in some classes tgt

but he finds that he passes by you SO many times in the hallway

and somehow spots you at a table across the library

was that your usual spot? was this his usual spot now?

like what?? his delusional never-had-a-real-gf-because-that-one-time-he-dated-his-friend-she-turned-out-to-be-a-lesbian ass thinks its fate

very much influenced by all the books he reads (NO he does not read romance he simply finds an interesting book that HAPPENS to have romance)

(and if he did, WHAT OF IT HUH??? THEY COUNT AS BIG BOY BOOKS OKAY)

i have this headcanon that he remembers the name of everyone in his classes because he was always forgettable as a kid and no one really knew his name cause he was so quiet (or he tries really hard to remember because he has this aching feeling that in another timeline he could never remember)

so he doesnt want to make others feel that way and yea

BACK TO HOW HOT HE IS

(stealing part of this from my earlier rant)

its late, hes tired, but hes back in the library to cram for his test tomorrow

so unlike him, usually hed be on top of things, but his minds been on some... other things. persons. person.

hes still sweaty and sore from football practice, having (literally) ran straight here after changing

throws his bag down (quietly of course, he's not some brute) and takes out like three different notebooks, his worn pencil case from freshman year, and his glasses

jason slides them on, pushing it up the bridge of his nose as he gets up and searches for the textbooks he needs

he knows its more comfortable and less time-consuming to just study at home, after all he already has loaner textbooks given out at the start of the school year, but something in his heart wanted him to drag his beat ass here and work

and good thing too, because he sees a familiar hand grab a book from the other side of the bookshelf

not that he just knows what your hand looks like, that'd be weird

it reveals your beautiful eyes, ones jason would love to see closer

he smiles at you from the crack in the bookshelf, murmuring a soft "hello"

you think you just saw an angel with the way the warm light crowned his head

but when you offer to help him study??? he thinks he fell in love

you were his SAVIOR

thanked you a billion times every other sentence and fumbled over his words cause hes never talked with you for this long

his ears are bright red even though the ac in the library was always to the max

also how is he wearing just a shirt

not that you minded though, it gave you a chance to ogle at the way the fabric was fighting for its life to keep him under wraps

and daydream about fantasies that shall not be named (one involving a pink bow around his bicep)

you dont know how long you were helping and how long you spent daydreaming

you hoped you werent being too obvious (it was very, very obvious but jason was too focused to notice)

it felt like mere minutes when jason looks up, a tired but accomplished look on his face

he thanks you one last time, saying he'll make it up to you

you couldnt help but feel disappointed until the fatigue from the day hits you like a bus

he offers to take you home, saying it was too dark out, and that it wouldnt be safe

god, hes such a gentleman

you take him up on the offer as you did NOT plan on dying a virgin

walks you to your door too, can he get any better???

apparently he can because after he got his scores back for his tests, he rushes to you with a bright smile and presents them like a child with their artwork

”i got a hundred! it’s all thanks to you, you’re a really great study buddy!”

of fucking course he gives the credit to you how is he so humble??

like that was alllll him you just sat there and admired the view (so real for that)

after that he practically begs you to go to his next game, saying he'll return the favor by playing extra hard for you

(can he be extra hard for me tho)

you needed no convincing because a. hes jason grace. end of question. (and b, you know his ass would look great in his uniform GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY)

he even said he’ll treat you if your school wins (which should be the other way around, but he again, insists)

they won, to absolutely no one’s surprise

took you to a cute lil cafe where you guys got drinks and sandwiches

then he overthinks it before bed cause he didn’t make it sound like a date but he really wanted it to be but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same and-

when you guys do start dating, everyones jealous but they cant bear to hate because you guys are just so cute together (bonus if youre short cause height difference couple !!)

he tried to keep it secret cause he didnt want to get you overwhelmed with a bunch of attention, but its obvious to everyone hes extra soft with you

he thought he was being sneaky when he slowly shifted his usual seat day by day to be closer to you so it wouldnt be obvious (spoiler: it was)

you assured him you were okay with your relationship being public if he was okay with it too

of course he is how can he NOT want you by his side forever

he sees his friends give their gfs their jersey to wear to their games and is like “i so want that” but he’s too shy to ask youu

but it’s written all over his face as you catch him staring intently at the way his friend hands over his spare jersey to his girlfriend when they think no one was looking

so, being the great girlfriend you are, took it upon yourself to ask him for it

which he gave to you a blushing, stuttering mess

the next game, he was worried

where were you? you weren’t usually this late; the game was about to start and he didn’t even get a good luck kiss yet!

he knows it’s probably nothing strange, that you’re just running late, but he can’t help but worry

the whistle blows and he sighs, getting into position, but not before sneaking one last glance at the bleachers

his sky blue eyes found you instantly, and was that-?

you were wearing his jersey, practically swimming in it as you waved your arm excitedly.

he broke into a wide smile, unfortunately hidden by his helmet, and waved back at you, forgetting all about the game for a moment until his friend whacked him upside the head

he buzzed with anticipation, wanting to just hurry and finish so he could run to you and spin you in his arms

you were his driving motive as he scored touchdown after touchdown, never letting the other team bridge the gap in their points

his team wins unsurprisingly, and the first thing he does is throw down his helmet and run to you, tackling you gently

he sweeps you off your feet and kisses you as you spin, giggles muffled by his lips

hes sweaty and sticky but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, the way his smile lights up the world is all that matters

and he knows that you’re his world, and he’d do anything to make you light up

#*ੈ✎ stories #jason grace #jason grace x reader #heroes of olympus #hoo #hoo x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo x reader #percy jackson and the olympians x reader

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the-stove-is-divorced · 2 years

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I am honestly obsessed with the Scarlet Scarab from Batman the Brave and the Bold, like he’s only there for like what? 5-10 minutes? AND YET THAT DOESN’T STOP MY BRAIN SO ANALYZING AND OVERTHINKING HIS ONE INTERESTING LINE TIME GO:

OKAY SO: s1e11 of BTBATB called “Deep Cover Batman”, introduces the alternate versions of Batman, Blue Beetle, and other ppl I don’t care to name because I have an unashamed bias for Blue Beetle and him alone rn, as villains. These evil versions all get introduced when Batman accidentally gets sucked into an alternate dimension. A dimension where, please remember this part, the morals of ALL the heroes are completely switched, and so the same goes for villains.

SO tell me why, the so-called “evil” version of Blue Beetle (who’s called Scarlet Scarab says the following lines: “One day I’ll show them I have the real heart of the hero! I keep it in a big jar in the back of my closet.”

For context, the Scarlet Scarab delivers this line while alone, talking to Khaji Da, and mainly aims to reintroduce the fact all of Batman’s regular allies, the ones from his reality, are now his foes. In fact, right before the Scarlet Scarab delivers the second part, Batman’s wondering if the Scarlet Scarab a potential ally, but then that idea just crashes and burns, doesn’t it? The Scarlet Scarab doesn’t have a heroic heart.

BUT, it’s already been established the heroes are villains and the villains are heroes. So to reaffirm this unnecessary. So, this begs a closer look. And here’s the thing, the Scarlet Scarab doesn’t say he buried his heart, he doesn’t say he killed his heroic heart, anything that implies that part of him is dead. He says he kept in a jar in his closet. Which, unless I’m reaching here (I am, but that’s not the point), means he’s kept his “heart of a hero”. Not even just keeping it, but preserving it, keeping it safe inside a metaphorical jar, and keeping it away from any potential prying eyes. He’s hidden his heroic heart.

Which, is bringing so many interesting questions about this world if that’s true!!! Why hide it in the first place? Out of need or a sense of shame? Why work with the Injustice Syndicate if he still has his heroic heart?

But that’s not even the most interesting part, because like I said before, the whole point of this reality is that everyone’s sense of self have been switched. Their morales have completed turned into their opposites. And like a friend pointed out, through this analysis of the Scarlet Scarab, the supposed evil version of Blue Beetle, what does it mean for the “evil” version to have a hidden heroic heart on the inside? If these are all opposites, what does it say about Blue Beetle in Batman’s original world?

Or maybe I’m overthinking this lmao. But either way, my brain is buzzing.

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butteraway · 3 years

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when time runs out | iv

⋆ summary: A young girl has fallen deeply ill with an unknown disease in her, so with all her free time spent in an empty hospital room, she spends it online playing video games. That's until she meets her cousins friends, one spiking her interest with his extremely vulgare language.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none

authors note: I wanna say im so sorry for lying to yall about that extra chapter KJDFFF😭😭 ALSO @chibiiichann I APOLOGIZE FOR SPAMMING YOU WHENEVER I REPLIED TO YOU💀 A DIFFERENT ACC WOULD POP UP BUT THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS AN INTRODUCTORY CHAPTER EXPLAINING THE OC'S CONDITION JFJDJD

"HAHA! I GOTCHU NOW LOSER!" Y/N smashed the buttons on her controller, basically on the edge of her bed. A grunt was heard through her headphones, then a loud bang with laughing in the background. Y/N felt her stomach turn at the sound of this, feeling a little left out, but smiled nonetheless.

"HOW'D YOU EVEN DO THAT?!! YOU’RE DOING SOME HACKING MY GUY!" Denki yelled through the laughing in the background, hands pulling at his hair. He seriously couldn't believe it!

"I'm not! I just wanted to show Sero I'm way better at this game than you are. And turns out I am!" Y/N let out a loud laugh, falling backwards onto her pillow. After finding out that 'Tape Dispenser' went to her cousin’s school by hearing his voice in the back of Denki's room, she got to learn more about this Sero dude. She already knew this after their last game a few nights ago, but he was so chill. It was still insane for her to find out that her cousin and online friend went to the same hero school. The coincidences in this world. Y/N thought as she grinned.

"It's okay Kaminari, you still lasted a long time! But you did get brutally beat by Y/N at the end though..." Sero said, trying to raise Denki's low spirits, but only succeeded in making him more miserable. Rustling was heard through Y/N's headphones, making it obvious that there was movement happening.

"You don't understand Sero! THIS IS THE ONLY GAME I COULD FULLY BEAT THIS GIRL IN!" Denki shook Sero by the shoulders, quickly doing the action. Cackling was heard through the speakers while the girl wiped a tear from her eye. Sero laughed along, as he was pushed to the ground by Denki. His arms were crossed as he looked away, upset that Y/N managed to finally beat him in every game they played.

"It's okay Denki, not everyone can be as good as me!" Y/N exclaimed, getting up from her bed to start taping specific parts of her room. Kaminari continued to complain about his defeat to Sero, who only chuckled in response. As she finished taping the bottom of the walls, Y/N sat back on her bed, sighing in content.

"So, how are you? I'm doing terribly after being utterly destroyed by you, by the way." Said Kaminari, opening his water bottle and taking large gulps from it. Y/N felt her face light up as she remembered to tell Kaminari of her future activity.

"Bro, you won't believe this! So, basically, they're actually letting me paint my room! All by myself! How fricking cool is that?!" The girl laughed out loud, jumping on her bed in excitement. Kaminari's eyes widen, in surprise and slight fear, sitting up and taking in the new information.

"Wait, really? But isn't that like extremely dangerous? Cuz of the chemicals and what not??" He tried his best to keep his voice leveled, not noticing Sero look at him weirdly. That guy had no idea what was happening.

"Well, they said that they were gonna do something to the paint so it won't hurt me or anything, I don't know what, but-" Y/N was cut off by an extremely confused Sero. "Wait wait wait, hold on. I don't understand what's happening. How can paint harm you? Besides like...eating it. And what do you mean by 'finally getting to paint your room?’ Silence was the only answer he got. Sero gulped in embarrassment, thinking he asked a really personal question.

"Um, it's nothing du-" A loud 'shhhhhhh' was heard from Y/N, who let out a shaky breath. She never really told anyone, it's not like she could either way, being confined in the hospital room for a long time. She pushed a loose strand of her away from her face, preparing herself to tell Sero.

"Well, the reason is because I basically live in a hospital. I can't go outside, or have 'unpurified' air, as the doctors like to say, meaning my interactions with people and the outside world are extremely limited. That means anything that's not cleared of dust and germs, I guess, can be extremely harmful for me? As pathetic as it sounds, it could actually kill me, haha." It was quiet as Sero took in the information, a large wave of emotions crashing on him. A person shouldn't have to be locked in a room for the rest of their life. Especially someone who is such a sweet person like Y/N.

"I-I'm so sorry to hear that Y/N. If you don't mind me asking, how...how long have you been in the hospital?" The young girl answered with a quick 'Two years', and that's when Sero felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Kaminari abruptly got up and headed towards his door.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, you want something dude?" Kaminari's voice was low and trembling. It didn't take a genius to see that the blonde haired boy needed some time alone. "No thanks." Kaminari let out a hum, quickly exiting his room and closing the door shut. Sero heard the loud sniffs that slowly faded away, as he hung his head down.

"Hey, you good Sero? That was probably a lot to take in, sorry." Sero shook his head, letting a sad smile adorn his face. "It's fine, really. I actually feel honored that you're comfortable telling me. Feels like we're getting closer, to be honest." He smiled happily, meaning every word he said. And Y/N knew that. "Ha, we are though!" The air was tense, despite the two teenagers being in different rooms.

Y/N went to clear her throat, but was interrupted when a light knock echoed throughout her room. "Someone there?" Sero asked, noticing her silence and hearing the very faint knocking.

"Yeah, um Sero, I'll call you guys later, my doctor wants to talk." Y/N quickly replied, seeing Receen open the door and walk in with his thin suit on. Sero let out an ok and they hang up. Y/N finally took in how the doctor looked, noticeable eye bags under his blue-grey eyes, from lack of sleep. His dark hair slightly tousled, probably from putting on the protective helmet that came with the suit, and a small smile on his welcoming face. And a large container of paint in his left hand. Her eyes immediately lit up.

"What’s up doc? I see you have something in your hand, can I see it closer?" The small girl asked, getting up and making a grabbing motion with her hands. Receen chuckled, lifting up the paint for Y/N to see. Even if he were to hand her the container, she wouldn't be able to hold. She was just too weak. Said girl let out a high pitch 'OOOO ' in excitement.

"I'm not sure if you wanted more, but we managed to get you your favorite color! This should be enough to paint the room, you can even put a second layer if you want." Receen walked over to where Y/N put all the equipment, opening the container of paint. And with a low grunt from him, the lid was opened. Y/N watched with amazement as the doctor poured the soft looking paint into a tray. She picked up a roller near her, and drowned the roller in paint, the white fluff getting covered in color.

The two began painting, Y/N's hand shaking every now and then. After painting half the room, they sat in silence, resting for a while. Receen seemed to be tense, though Y/N didn't seem to notice since she was too happy to speak. Receen let out a breath, breaking the silence, causing Y/N to look towards him.

"I didn't get to ask you how you were, did I Y/N? How are you?" Said girl let a beaming smile spread on her face, causing Receen to slightly squint his eyes from the intensity of her smile. "Honestly, I haven't felt this happy in a very long time! I actually still can't believe you guys really let me do this! Thank you so much!"

Receen gave her a small smile while rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a problem, you could’ve asked sooner and gotten this done a long time ago. You've been here for two years, so please don't be afraid of asking for things!" At the mention of her time spent in the hospital, Y/N lowered her head, causing Receen to wince. Well, might as well tell her. The doctor cleared his throat and began to talk.

"Y/N, as you are aware, I, along with many other doctors and scientists, have been working hard for you to be able to go outside again. To see your family, hug them, be a normal kid again." There was a pause and that alone caught Y/N's attention. She looked up at him. "There is a way for you to finally do that, Y/N."

Shock evident on the girl's face, she abruptly stood up and faced the doctor. There was absolutely no way anyone could have found a cure for someone like her. Someone who had an incurable sickness. Someone who was too sick, to even have medicine. He's lying. Y/N narrowed her eyes at the grown man sitting in front of her.

"With all due respect Doctor, I highly doubt that that's possible. Cuz, y'know? I basically have an incurable disease? I mean, like, even if you did manage to find a way for me to leave this place, how do you even know it's gonna work? I don't think you've tried this medicine since no one in recorded hospital documents in the past have had people like that checked in before-"

"How do you even know that?"

"-so how do you truly know it'll work?" Y/N quickly finished, completely ignoring his statement. Receen sighed, scratching his head. "We live in a world where quirks exist. Would you believe me if I told you centuries ago that the human race would evolve to have super powers? It's kind of like that, but not really." Y/N eyed him suspiciously. He's avoiding the question.

Receen looked straight at the girl standing in front of him. He felt slightly intimidated by her piercing gaze. He quickly looked away and got up, towering over Y/N's small frame. Then he smiled. "Y/N, you are a very sweet girl, no doubt about it. I know how much you want to get out of here, and I want to help you. My team has created this almost perfect pill, especially suited for your sickness. I know you're very cautious, just like your mother, but I can only reassure you, that these are your ticket out of here." He pulled out the bottle from his protective suit, shaking it in front of [Y/N].

Her eyes widened as she restrained herself from reaching out and snatching the bottle. Her eyes slightly narrowed as she pulled herself together. Crossing her arms and slightly tilting her upwards, she looked into the doctor's bright eyes. "There's always a catch when it comes to these kinds of things. What's the price if I take these? My lifespan shortens, I only have five hours to go outside, it drugs me or something?"

"I'm hurt you think I would just give you these without setting out the consequences." There was a slight glint in his eyes before it quickly disappeared. Y/N hummed, urging the doctor to continue.

"There are exactly 15 pills in here. And consuming just one of these bad boys right here, would allow you to go outside! Though, time is very important when taking these. You'd have 10 hours before the pills effects wear off. These would dull your hypersensitive senses, but not to a point where you can't feel, smell or do anything. No no, it'd just be like how you were before. You'd feel slightly dizzy and be a little itchy, but besides that, nothing too extreme. It just dulls all your body senses down." Receen gave Y/N a small smile. She looked a little weary, unsure if what he said was true. She looked at the bottle then back to Doctor Receen, fingers twitching every now and then. Breathing in and letting it out slowly, Y/N stared straight into the doctor's eyes.

If I take these, I can finally go out. I can hug mom and dad, I can be around Denki again. I can meet Sero face to face and feel the grass again! I can be... happy again. But if these don't actually work, I'd immediately die on the spot. I'd be able to go outside though. Aah, so much going outside, I can meet new people! I don't wanna spend the rest of my days slowly rotting away in here anyway.

"So Y/N, are you going to take them or let all our time go to waste?"

Sero looked at his hands solemnly, thinking about what Y/N had told him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, then lightly slapped his cheeks to stop the wave of emotions from spilling out.

"Yo, you good dude? It's not everyday I see someone willingly slapping themselves." Kaminari chuckled, walking in and closing the door with his foot as he carried a soda bottle and a bag of chips towards the boy sitting on his bed. Sero grinned, feeling the sadness of everything wash away.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. But what about you though? After we had that conversation, you were, well, umm... kind of out of it." Kaminari froze, letting a dejected smile appear on his face. Dragging a hand down his face, he let out a sorrowful laugh.

"She's my best friend. My first real, true friend. She's basically my sister at this point. So when she collapsed that day, I felt my whole world crashing down. She is the sweetest, the most kindest, person I have ever met. She never let me degrade myself, alway cheered me up when people called me stupid." Kaminari rubbed his eyes, opening the bag of chips and plopping one of them into his mouth.

"It hasn't been the same ever since she left, her parents barely come over anymore, and they're always so sad whenever I see them. My own parents aren't the same either, they treated her like their own daughter. I can't even begin to imagine how Y/N feels about this all. She was the top in our grade, highest scores in our test. No one could compare to her. M-my heart breaks for her. She lost everything." Sero let that information sink in, thinking about how she was before. He smiled as he saw Kaminari's shoulders begin to shake. He cares so much for her.

He put his hand on his shoulder, watching Kaminari slowly lift his face towards him. "Come here you emotional ball of feelings." Being the friendly guy he is, Sero gave the sobbing boy a hug, cuz hugs fix everything.

"No homo though bro." And with that, they both laughed out loud, continuing their bro day.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #mha #bnha #mha angst #bnha fluff #bnha x reader #fanfic

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angelmichelangelo · 3 years

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anon was me, reading your response was lowkey like therapy and I really appreciated it. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been gaslighted by other phandom members or seen phandom members bully each other just because they’re in deep and think it’s their duty to ??? idk?? keep EVERYONE obsessed and essentially worshipping dnp for putting out mediocre or bare-minimum content. I don’t hate dnp, I just feel like I moved on and like you said, it’s probably a sign of something beyond “jealousy” or pettiness when ex-phandom members are all coming forward saying the same things. The fandom environment itself was extremely unhealthy and I’m sick of people saying “it’s chill now! There’s like no one here.” Because... it’s still not. It’s not chill, it’s just the same recycled gifs in queues, “I miss __” posts and the overhyping of tweets or an appearance of Freja. (Don’t even get me started on people treating the baby like a micro-celebrity. So incredibly uncomfortable). The fact that I still feel like I have to apologize for not enjoying dnp enough is incredibly frustrating. I’m definitely not jealous, I’m not even sure what we’re all supposed to be jealous of. “If you don’t like it, move on” can’t even apply to me because I have moved on but I have a lot of lingering discomfort from my time trying to get out.

yeah, it really is kinda weird that once you step away from phandom you can get a real perspective of it all and go: wow, that was weird. phan accounts (on both tumblr and twitter) that were treated like celebs themselves was just... straight up strange like wtf was that all about lmao. also i legit saw a fancam edit of freja and i just completely shut down. i had to step away from the internet for a whole ass hour because oh my god??

the unsettling part of phandom is that in their eyes, dan and phil truly cannot do no wrong. they claim that they call them out when they do something bad but oh my god is that a lie. you cannot ever be hypocritical of dan and phil whether you're an active member of the community or an ex-phannie. if you're a phan blog then you're seen as 'just bored and trying to start drama' and if you're a ex-phannie then you're just 'jealous and bitter'. even now after i've been away from the phandom for what... almost a year (i left in july 2020 and kinda never really fully came back i guess) and i'm still looking over my shoulder type thing because i still get anons crying about MY opinion in my inbox. like: sure you can enjoy whatever content you want, that's absolutely fine! (look at me i'm a marvel blog lmfao at least im self aware lol) but like... some phannies need to just realise that not everyone is going to love them and love dan and phil the way they do. i felt sometimes they misinterpreted that close creator/viewer relationship they had with us and they run WAY too far with it. which is maybe why dnp are looking for a rebrand (and failing so hideously) this obviously doesn't apply to all their fans, the phannie mutuals i've kept in touch with are very near and dear to my heart and i think without them i probably would have gone insane lol (yall know who you are <3)

but like... yeah in all honesty back in like. 2017 or 2018 when phan blogs i was following would quit the phandom and say the EXACT same things as i am now, i'd be like :( oh no!! why would they say that!! but clearly there's a pattern here, and it just shows, if more than one person is pointing out the flaws in a phandom or a community on a certain platform (whether here or twitter) it just proves that it's not someone just being bitter, it's that there probably is a problem in your fandom and they chose to ignore it.

#ask #anon #phannie #<- i'll tag these as phannie for any nonphans following me that doesn't wanna read this lol <3

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nodaisieswithoutrainsies · 4 years

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Need Help With Mental Health and Getting out of an Abusive Situation

Okay so here’s my deal. My mom has abused me (mostly mentally, emotionally, and financially, but there’s been a decent amount of physical abuse too) since I was about 12 years old. I’m 21 now. I went away to college for a few years but due to some unforeseen circumstances I’ve had to move back home until Fall 2020. It’s just me and my mom. We don’t talk to extended family, I don’t have a father or siblings.

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, Bipoar Depression, and GAD. When I was 18, ADHD was officially added in, and within the past month I’ve accepted my ASD diagnosis. I’ve been fully medicated for the past 7.5 year’s, and in outpatient therapy with the same wonderful therapist for that entire time. When I was 15 I voluntarily (it was my idea) put myself into a partial program for a month for suicidal ideation and depression and self harm. When I was 16 almost 17 I voluntarily (again, my idea) took myself to the ER to go into inpatient therapy in psychology ward at New York Presbyterian, but was only there for a week because the counsellors there all came to the agreement that I was in better shape than I knew and released me, but with a binder of coping mechanisms and into the care of that same therapist I still have. At this point in my life, I’m very self aware, I can take care of myself and my mental healthy by myself, and I’m extremely proud of the progress I’ve made to better myself as a person and take care of my mental health. My friends, my therapist, my boyfriend of 5 years (best friend of 8), and my godmother all agree and praise me for my progress.

My mother, as I said, has abused me. Getting worse and worse over the years (as I contrarily got better). When she’s in a good mood, she dotes on me and does everything for me and lavishly spends money on me and pines for my attention. None of which I ask her to do because.... When she’s in a bad mood, whether or not because of me (when the only reason it’s “because of me” is when I’m not feeling great and liked to be alone) she takes it out on me. Hits me, curses at me, threatens me, berates me, tells me I’ve made no progress and I’m crazy, that she’s a perfect mother, that nothing is wrong with her, she attacks me with specific hurtful insults (“that’s why he doesn’t really love you!”), and holds all of her good mood antics over my head. She’s called the police on me >10 times since I was 14. They always take me for an evaluation, I’m always let go saying the cops are crazy. This past Friday, she threatened and tried to kill me. Then lost her mind rocking back and forth on her knees. So I called and ambulance. Ended up in her freaking out and calling the cops on ME for originally trying to de-escalate what did in fact turn out to be a hostile situation. I got released, but not without all the nurses and paramedics tending to me, as well as the crisis counsellor setting me free, all giving me some support saying they believed me, giving me numbers of support places in the area to help adult abuse victims.

My therapist has a lot of interaction with my mom, as she gives out her cell phone, comes to my graduation parties, has had sessions with me and my mom, and has had us to her house before. Plus my mother frequently texts her and emails her insanities and false stories, accusations, and ramblings about me. So at this point, my therapist has diagnosed my mother with Narcossistic Personality Disorder, as well as Borderline Peraonality Disorder. My mom has briefly (~6 weeks) gone to another therapist, but that was years ago. She constantly denies she has mental health issues besides her depression (which she deals with by drinking excessively, self harming, and attacking me). She denies that therapy works (yet says it does for me). She’s manipulative of the people around her- spewing lies to police officers even when I’m calm, open about my bipolar/therapy/medication, and looking for help, spewing lies to her friends who never interaction with me so they don’t know anything except that apparently I’m the problem, and spewing lies to her sister, my aunt, the only family we talk to still, and her best friend/former girlfriend/my other parent of over 35 years. No one believes me except my therapist and friends and boyfriend. No cops, not people who “love me”, and obviously not her. She frequently tries to get me arrested or admitted to a hospital involuntarily. She has ~$16k of my money in her account that she keeps procrastinating giving me.

I recently opened my own bank accounts not attached to hers. I work, I go to school. I’m an aspiring Marine Geologist and I’d like to get my Masters and PhD. When I hopefully graduate May 2021, I will move to California to go to graduate school and make my own life. Away from her, never to speak to her again.

I don’t have much money, even once she does actually give me the money from her account. To finish my BS I need a total of ~$23k. My saved money was for school, not living expenses or car insurance or groceries etc. Hence why I moved home while I completed some prerequisites around where I live. I will move out if I absolutely have to, by my 4 cats are here, two of which are senile and sick. I don’t love my mom. I can’t at this point. I have PTSD or the similar diagnosis from the trauma and abuse. I keep denying family therapy because I’m not sure it’ll work if she doesn’t accent any responsibility or open her mind to realise IM not the problem. I have a car, which is not under my name and while I could switch it I can’t afford car insurance. I have my own furniture and stuff to furnish a place that I will be allowed to take with me when I leave.

At this point, family therapy is necessary to entertain her until I leave. I’m looking for advice, resources, anything any of you can give me to help me handle this and make my life good and achieve my ambitions. I’m a generally pretty happy person; I like to read, write poetry/prose/short stories/songs, go hiking and enjoy nature, hang with my friends, make new ones, love animals, volunteer at the humane society, act, sing, improv, be in theatre, sew, and give advice and love to my friends who need it. I’m an advocate for sexual assault victims (twice in my life), mental health, animals, climate change, women, LGBTQ+ community (bisexual and genderqueer!), and eventually for abuse victims once I get out of here. (And by this I mean I actively take strides to advocate for these causes, joining clubs and marches etc, not just saying that because I experience some of them). I’m not a bad person, I don’t think. I try my hardest to always improve, and I wish I was dealt a better hand (don’t we all?). I’m not asking for money, I could never. I’m asking for advice and resources and a community. Anything yall got for me I’d appreciate more than anything. Thank you for listening/reading, I know it was a lot. If you got this far or offer help, I’ll hit you up with a follow even though that won’t be enough to repay your kindness. Ugh sorry that sounded textbook. Idk. But thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and advice.

-Jessica (I’m from downstate NY by the way)

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daveisverydeactivated · 6 years

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i just wanna share this with yall

so, im a transgender boy. ive been out to my classmates for about a year and a half, but only fully transitioned half a year ago. i wear a binder to school most days, and a baggy hoodie the rest of the time. i still love dresses, but i save them for church and for spirit week. i wear pronoun pins and correct teachers as well as students. this has been a big change.

im fourteen, which means my classmates arent always accepting. however, theyre learning and making an effort. a kid in the grade above me went to me when they started questioning their gender, and i told them what genderfluidity was, and they were incredibly happy when i brought them a set of pronoun pins the next day. a girl walked up to me last year and said, “i was just wondering, are you a he or a she?” i was wearing a dress, but she didnt blink when i said i was a he. “i was just wondering, and i didnt want to spread false information!” she gave me a big smile and went back to her friends, one of whom offered to fight somebody for me when he made fun of me last year, despite rarely talking in that class. another girl offered to fight people for me when she learned that other girls accused me of being a sexual predator. her friends had to hold her back, on my request, but she was so nice when she calmed down.

and yet, people arent all so nice. i live in rural arkansas, in the middle of trump territory. boys call me the f-slur. girls loudly call me “she” talking with their friends after i correct them. people tell me im just doing this for attention, and that im going to hell. it hurts, and it usually comes right after, “are you a boy or a girl?”

ive spent the last two and a half years– since coming out as gay, and then as pansexual– as my classmates gateway to the lgbtq+ community. i find myself struggling to explain on spirit days that yes, im a boy, but its breast cancer awareness day, and my pink dress and lipstick arent that odd, because thats the color for awareness and the clothes that women wear, and theyre most commonly affected. boys can wear dresses and makeup, anyways. i find myself pushed away by boys when were seperated by gender, but if i end up on the girl side, i recieve glares and biting comments. “are you a boy or a girl?” is nothing but a harbinger of stress these days.

but theres hope in the grade below me. a cis gay boy at the age of thirteen sees me as another boy, and he even dated me for a while. two gay girls defend me against the rude kids at marching band events. but what really caught me off guard was the boy with the pokemon lunchbox.

he talks to me in the hallway, and we argue the merits of piplup versus bulbasaur. he complains about his teachers, and i tell him mine are insane too. and on the day that i come to school in a tight sweater, no binder, a flower crown, and a skirt, he asks me if im a boy or a girl. i smile and tell him that im a boy, and i give him my secretly-rehearsed statement about the speech im about to give on sylvia rivera, a trans woman and drag queen who had a huge impact on queer rights. im happy to be giving the speech, happier than this boy could know, because i wasnt even sure the teacher would let me. the boy just grins and says, “cool! i just wanted to know because the other boys dont wear skirts enough.”

these kids are the future, and im proud to know them.

#pride #transgender #good vibes #positivity #trans positivity #queer positivity #original for once

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode #2: “yee yee can’t wait to DOM” - Anabel

a joint tribal!?!?!?! THIS IS JUST TOOOO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!

Tbh like I wanna win but I also don’t want to put in a lot of effort just for us to lose Bc I fully expect some other tribe to go try hard and I can’t see our sorry sack of losers being the best at any challenge much less one that requires effort

Okay so like anybody who thinks that this round is going to be anything near simple is absolutely oblivious to what game we are playing. This is going to be complete chaos. Whatever game plans you have come up with you can just toss out the window because I don’t think there is a single person that has any idea of what to aspect or even how the hell to handle this. Shot completely shot

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed with these people as time goes on. Are y’all aware this is for immunity and yalls games are on the fucking line? Because it definitely doesn’t look that way. NO EFFORT AT ALL BEING PUT INTO CHALLENGES. And the stakes are higher than fucking ever this round.

this fucking challenge is legitimately draining me bc i keep fucking up and i feel like joey and jared hate me lol.... i might jump out a window but we’ll see

it’s 1am, jared just told me he was proud of me and im legitimately SOBBING. this is the most exhausting challenge i have ever participated in.

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So, we finished in second again. That is the good news. The bad news is, only one tribe wins immunity. So we’re at tribal with Haumea and Kanaloa. The question is, do we go with Haumea, and take away potential swing vote power from Kanaloa, or do we go with Kanaloa, and try to whittle another tribe down to 4? Decisions, decisions.

wow y’all i just called jared for like 45 minutes and he might be the kindest human on the planet ugh... im keeping him. he’s the new johnny. bye johnny helLO jared. and jared isn’t even straight!! so that’s another thing he has over johnny BESIDES being nicer than him (just kidding i love johnny so much johnny if ur reading this u will never be replaced)

can’t believe we won immmmm this is crazy i love this tribe and this game and that challenge yee yee can’t wait to DOM

So it looks like a 14 person joint tribal is coming like what the fuck! I'm excited though. This vote I can see being based off of activity. It's probably the safest move but I am saying that now, things can change later.

this joint tribal really got me fucked up. of COURSE we lose immunity. what a shocker. it’s not like ben fucked up two times in a row when we were so close to being in the 30s... if he would have never fucked up, we LITERALLY would have won. i’m so mad. but ugh. anyway. being at this joint tribal is a blessing and a curse. a blessing because i have 24 hours to kinda build other relationships outside of my tribe incase of a swap, while the other immune tribe is missing out on building relationships. a curse for the obvious.. i don’t wanna be voted off! yes, i have the idol, but i wanna just play like i don’t have it for now and i don’t wanna rely on that. i need to save that for the future. obviously, i have elmo’s back. even fucking bens back even tho he got me real mad. ian? he can go at anytime, i truly don’t give a fuck. he’s rude and disrespectful and i’m sick and tired of his slick ass remarks. adam? a non motherfucking factor. but i don’t want ian nor adam leaving in this tribal, just because i think i faked it so good and they actually think i like them. justin messaged me and i LOVE justin so i’m feeling good about that. taylor messaged me and he’s a king in training.. he could use a little more work. and johnny messaged me and he seems iconic. only red flag is.. he’s straight..! i know.. a big red flag. other then that, i have chloe on the other tribe and i talked to her a bit and i think we’re on a mutual understanding not to vote eachother out. so as of right now, it’s kinda just a wait and see who wants to thro the first name out, because i don’t. and to be completely honest, i don’t care who goes home. it’s to early to even throw a random name out and maybe have it come back and bite me in the ass. i really don’t care who it is. i’m willing to vote out absolutely anyone right now besides myself and elmo. so. we’re gonna have to sit and wait, but i’ll make sure it’s not me.

this is an interesting round bc i think logically in a normal situation a tribe with fewer numbers would be in the middle here but since the general vibe at least right now is that the blues (bar chloe and thomas i think?) are inactive so that tribe could end up being targeted

I think that there isnt rly a reason to make a big move at f19 in the game so i think most ppl will jump to whatever vote they hear first but at the same time usually u dont want to be the first one to throw a name out because ppl can pin the vote on u and make u a big threat etc i definitely need to talk to everyone on my tribe just to get their vibes i talked to zack and ben a lil and they both seem to agree that we should work with haumea

idk who will be the target but my prediction is either asya or dean honestly rn im just trying to be social with everyone bc if there is a change of plans or whatever then i dont want to be the one who will be paying the price

anyway im somewhat calm right now? i dont know if there is a plan already in the works without me but i highly doubt it also if there will be a plan that shouldn't involve me, im fairly certain that i would hear from it

What’s going on? Honestly idk. Not even sure who is on the other tribe and we aren’t far enough into the game for me to care too much (jk jk I care but also damn I don’t have time to get to know 5 more people). Luckily I already know and love Elmo. I’m really hoping I can sway him to vote for someone on his tribe instead of ours. But we will see. I don’t have much time today to play so I’m hoping I use the little time I have wisely.

So major Internet connection issues forced me to unofficially sit out of the challenge. They carried over today and now I've barely spoken to anyone about tribal. I'm so out of the loop it's actually hilarious

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Heading into what I believe will be a three tribe swap of 6 players each, I feel good. Not having to go to Tribal is making me a bit nervous tho, I need to get some blood on my hands in order to establish a place for myself in the game.

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So first tribal for our tribe Haumea, and it's a joint tribal! Whoa! I've never been a part of a joint tribal, but I'm just trying to lay low and let everyone else decide what will happen. Of course socially I'm trying talk with everyone so I don't get targeted for NOT talking to people. It's also great for starting to build that foundation with some of the other players so when the eventual swap comes I can already have connections. It's like using 2 -in-1 paint & primer🖌️ it's just more efficient, and time saving 😂 It seems that the consensus may fall on Dean from Kanaloa. I think it'd be a smarter move because it would anger the least amount of people. Leaving Kanaloa with only 3 members. But of course some things are never that easy, So i guess we'll see. Connections-wise I really like Elmo and Zacky, and would be interested to know more of and potentially work with Asya too. Johnny has definitely taken the leadership role of our tribe, which I'm completely okay o. Takes the pressure off of me and means I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the shield.

Oh god I feel so sick right now writing this. Being chucked into a tribal with like 12/13 other people most of whom I didn’t know was insane. Especially sort of feeling like I was on the bottom. All day people have been saying to me about Dean being inactive and I’ve been like ok cool I’ll vote him if that’s how it swings. And not it’s basically confirmed he’s the vote I feel sick that I have to turn my back on someone I’ve worked with the last couple rounds and who would told me he’d look out for me. But at the same time how can you look out for me if you’re never here and have put in very little effort to ensure that we didn’t end up in this position. I barely even had a proper chance to talk to the guy he’s been so inactive but I still feel like such a terrible person

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week2/s-seqAf

my tribe won immunity but we thought we lost it so that was funny

it allowed me to exercise my connections with people. it showed me that me and jared are close and that me and joey arent close! so im gonna go fix that if i can but hopefully we can win to the end

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Dean is voted out 11-1-1.

#episode #sailaway

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