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allison: every girl wants to date a prince/princess charming

agnes: why should i settle for a prince when i have a king that treats me like the queen i am?

hazel: *high fives her*

dave, to klaus: why can't we be like that?

klaus: because you're a peasant

#the umbrella academy #tua #literally hazel and agnes are the most pure couple #they're so unproblematic #we stan #umbrella academy hazel #umbrella academy agnes #klaus hargreeves #umbrella academy dave #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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dave: can you turn on the lights?

klaus: i don't have to, you're the light of my life

dave: that's sweet, but i can't fucking see

#incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #umbrella academy dave

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five: listen up, assholes

vanya: *whimpers*

five: not you, vanya

five: you're an angel and we're thrilled to have you here

#the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes

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luther: shut up five. you're like, thirteen. let the big kids talk.

five: shut up luther, i'm like 58 and you're 25, so don't sass me young man.

luther:

five:

luther:

five: god, kids these days...

#the umbrella academy #tua #whoops i forgot luthers age so i just made it up #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes #luther hargreeves #five hargreeves

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police officer that pulled klaus over: sir, you can't drink and drive

klaus: excuse me officer, but that's my emotional support vodka

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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cha-cha, grabbing hazel by the shirt: SAY YOU'RE SORRY

hazel: I'M SORRY

cha-cha: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?

hazel, sobbing: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE

#the umbrella academy #tua #umbrella academy hazel #umbrella academy cha cha #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes

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five: my sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even i don't know if i'm kidding or not

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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klaus: *kicks 'G' off 'Graveyard' sign*

klaus: let's get this party started

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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grace: you seem stressed

five: my boss just discovered some new slang.

the handler, running through the halls: YEET

five: NO

#the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #the handler #grace hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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five: *coughs violently*

luther: don't die

five: don't you tell me what to do

#the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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allison: hey, can you help me with something?

diego: yeah, of course, let me just...

diego: *puts away knives and polish*

diego: eudora!

eudora: yeah?

diego: i need to help allison with something, can you keep an eye on the baby?

eudora: sure!

allison: wait, you guys had a baby?!

diego: no, klaus is just staying over

#the umbrella academy #tua #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #eudora patch #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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diego: *hits head and passes out on ground*

vanya: quick! call 911!

klaus, panicking: what's their number?!

diego, waking up: bitch-

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

[tua-garbage-can]

cha-cha: guess what's in the box!

hazel: donuts?

cha-cha: nope.

hazel: muffins?

cha-cha: nah.

hazel: corn dogs?

cha-cha: no.

hazel: chocolate?

cha-cha: no, it's not food.

hazel: then what's the point?

#the umbrella academy #tua #umbrella academy cha cha #umbrella academy hazel #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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diego: your smile looks forced

vanya: it is

#the umbrella academy #tua #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes

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vanya: is there a spirit in this house?

ouija board: yes

klaus: good, your rent is $450 per month and it's due every 1st.

ouija board: what the fuck

#the umbrella academy #tua #vanya hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes

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klaus: straight boys don't shut their mouths because if they did their lips would be touching and that's gay

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #incorrect quotes #incorrect umbrella academy quotes

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allison: i love that we say "oh man" to express disappointment

vanya: because men are, in fact, disappointing

#the umbrella academy #tua #incorrect umbrella academy quotes #incorrect quotes #vanya hargreeves #allison hargreeves