alotoffandomtrash

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Alfred: Why are there small handprints on the wall!?

Bruce, whispering to Dick: Why are there small handprints on the wall?

9-years-old Dick, whispering back: Because my hands are small.

Bruce, smiling to Alfred: Because his hands are small.

[Later that day]

Alfred: *puts an empty frame around Dick's small and colorful handprints on the wall that says "small art" at the bottom of the frame* Now that's better.

#adorable #baby dick grayson #bruce wayne #Alfred Pennyworth

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Batman: you think your life is hard?

Batman: my children went to Walmart in full gear, just so they did not have to wait in line.

Batman: now everyone is questioning why nightwing was buying groceries,

Batman: why robin was sitting in the cart and playing cheese Vikings on his gauntlet,

Batman: why red hood and red robin were chasing each other around,

Batman: why spoiler was eating frozen waffles

Batman: why black bat just calmly followed them,

Batman: why signal was pretending not to know them,

Batman: and why catwoman was monitoring them while even helping them with getting groceries.

Green arrow: I mean.. they are kinda on to something there.. waiting in line sucks.

Batman: don’t you dare encourage them.

#batfamily #batkids

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Knock-Knock

Bruce [sitting hunched over with the darkest of bags under his eyes]: I've called all of you here today because of the video that appeared on my social media this afternoon and has 'gone viral'.

His kids: *gathered in a seated circle on the ground like a kindergarten reading group*

Bruce [visibly upset]: I'm not upset. I just want to know who made it.

Harper [leaning over to whisper]: What's he on about, now?

Duke [whispering back]: Someone stitched together a couple hundred clips of everybody--

Jason [also whispering]: --getting the living s**t beaten out of them, crashing into windows and lampposts, falling off buildings--

Dick [in a slightly louder tone]: --getting chased by angry dogs, faceplanting on the pavement, totally biffing it against street signs, being hit by cars--

Damian: --or buses. Or taxis. Being pepper-sprayed or maced--

Steph: --or that one clip of Tim getting smacked in the face with an old lady's handbag on a loop. Which, for the record, is a *nice* touch.

Tim [rubbing his face with a grimace]: She had a brick in there. Like a friggin' sadist.

Jason [smiling fondly]: Ah, good old Mildred.

Duke [to Harper]: --And they put the whole thing to the 'It's The Hard Knock Life' song from Annie.

Duke: And...posted it to Bruce's personal accounts.

Harper: Oh s**t.

Bruce [raising his voice]: The POINT, everyone, is that we've become the laughingstock of the internet, and much more importantly, it would appear that one of you takes some sort of issue with me that needs to be addressed.

The Kids:

The Kids:

The Kids: *burst into violent laughter*

Bruce [frowning]: Oracle? Can you trace the video's origin?

Barbara [chuckling, and wiping away a stray tear of laughter]: Ah, well, you know what they say, Bruce. Snitches get stitches, and you don't pay me near enough to cover *that* hospital bill!

Bruce: I don't pay you at all.

The Kids: *dying in the background*

Bruce [impatient]: I'm dead serious. Which one of you is responsible?

The Kids: *hands going up one by one*

Dick: Assembly!

Tim: Editing!

Damian: Audio mixing.

Jason: Shooting!

Duke: He means filming! Which I also did.

Steph: Lighting effects and song choice! You're so welcome!

Cass: Emotional support.

Harper [laughing at her phone screen]: Retweeting! Holy S**T, guys!

Bruce [aghast]: ALL of you?

The Kids: *grinning*

Alfred: Not me, sir.

Bruce: I know, Alfred. You'd never--

Alfred: I was far too busy sending it to all of your friends in the Justice League.

Bruce:

The Kids [losing their s**t]: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH

Bruce:

Alfred: Always happy to be of service, sir.

#batkids #batfamily

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Dick: “Yeah, but we expect this kind of stuff from Jason. Not you. You’re the good one.”

Tim: “What? How am I the good one?”

Dick: “Well, it’s definitely not me.”

Damian: “What?”

Tim: “How is it not you?”

Jason: “All I know is that I’m the bad one.”

Damian: “No, I’m the bad one. Wait, do you mean bad kid or bad Robin? There’s a difference.”

Jason: “What’s that?”

Damian: “Well, I’m obviously the bad Robin. I killed people.”

Jason: “So have I, you’re not special.”

Damian: “But I’m the only Robin who killed someone while wearing the suit.”

Dick: *side-eyes Jason*

Jason: *looks directly at the wall, whistling innocently*

Tim: “Are we missing something here?”

Dick, completely ignoring him: “Anyway, that’s not the point of this. Tim is the good kid.”

Tim: “How?”

Dick: “You’re the only one of us who hasn’t killed someone.”

Damian: *stares at him*

Jason: *stares at him*

Dick: *looks anywhere but at his brothers*

Damian: “...Wait a second, when did you—”

Jason: “Who the fuck did you kill?”

Dick: *looks at Tim*

Tim: *shrugs*

Dick: “You, uh... you might want to sit down, Jay—”

#jason deserves to know tho #batboys #batfamily

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Bats IRL

I’ve seen a few ArtBreeder edits floating around, and thought to myself ‘well, heck, self, why don’t we take a stab at it?’

#damn #batfamily

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I really want to read more fanfics that explore Slade and Dick’s friendship. I can’t find any. HELP.

#Slade Wilson #dick grayson #batman fanfiction #batman

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[Family Meeting]

Bruce: I'd like to adress the sudden rise in animosity the villains have shown towards Robin.

Jason, just back from a mission: [leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed] more than usual you mean?

Tim: A lot more.

Dick: Dami has recently decided to forget what the villains are called.

Jason: I- wait what?

Damian: [imperiously] I simply decided that memorising the names of criminals was an ineffective use of my cognitive faculties. Better I recall their behavioural patterns.

Jason: What exactly did you do?

-

Riddler: [appears dramatically in a puff of smoke] Well well, if it isn't the little bird?

Robin: [coldly] Question man.

Riddler:

Riddler: It's "the Riddler"

Robin: Who cares?

Riddler: [sputtering]

-

Robin: [drops down from the ceiling to interrupt a meeting between Penguin and his people]

Penguin: Great. It's the boy annoyance.

Robin: [cordially] Birdman.

Penguin: I beg your pardon?!

Robin: [without inflection] My apologies. I have come to arrest you, Mister Mumble.

Penguin: Out of all the movies you could have insulted me with-

-

Poison Ivy: Oh my, looks like a little birdie has come for a visit.

Harley Quinn: [grinning] Nice of you to drop in tweety

Robin: [nods to Ivy] Daisy. [to Harley] Miss Mime

Ivy: what

Harley: [cracks her knuckles]

-

Robin: [throws a batarang at clayface]

Clayface: great. a mosquito.

Robin: ...[with distaste] There is no need for insults, Mudpie.

Clayface: ...

-

Robin: [calling in an arrest] Yes, I have apprehended Toto.

Scarecrow: [tied up nearby] Hey!

-

Joker: [Sees Robin swinging down in the middle of a hostage situation] Oh look! it's the cavalary...'s pet.

Robin: [cordially] Mr Quinzel.

Joker:

Joker: Wh-

Robin: You are Harley's husband correct?

Joker: [furious] no!

Robin: My apologies then. I shall endeavor to use your proper name... ... [frowning] Mrs? You are wearing make-up. Is that it? Mrs Quinzel? I did not mean to assume.

Joker: [frothing at the mouth]

-

[back at the meeting]

Tim: to be fair he only does it when they misname HIM.

Damian: I have a name. It is rude not to use it.

Bruce: Damian. There has been seven attempts on your life this week alone. Stop.

Damian: no

Bruce: [grinds his teeth]

Dick: Actually, what ARE Joker's preferred pronouns? Has anyone asked?

Jason: [munching down a power bar] It's Fuckface McKidkiller

#im cackling #batfamily #i love dami

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his little angel

#AHHHHHHHHHH #This post is my comeback #Im back from the grave to shitpost #dick grayson #bruce wayne #baby dick grayson

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Name-Drop

Damian: Absolutely not.

Steph: Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee???

Damian: No.

Jason: Name your price. Anything you want. You want someone dead? Consider it done. Need to flee the country for putting out an illegal hit? Say the word.

Damian: .....no.

Jason: Eh, you hesitated...

Damian: No.

Tim: I'll do your homework for a year. I'll chauffer you around wherever you want for a month. I'll be your personal chef--

Steph [through her teeth]: D**n it Tim, we're trying to SELL it.

Damian: Tempting as burnt Ramen sounds, Drake, my answer is still no.

Dick [begging on his knees]: What'll it take, Dami? We'll do anything!

Barbara: You have no idea what kind of power you're holding in your hands right now, kiddo.

Cass: *nods seriously*

Damian: FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID--

Bruce [walking in]: Hey, now, what's everyone yelling about this time?

Bruce [pulling to a stop]: Please tell me nothing exploded.

Duke: Nah, nothing like that. We're just--

Bruce [going pale]: Nobody's pregnant? No new tattoos? I shouldn't be expecting any more calls from the Argentinian embassy, should I?

Duke: Any more whAT now--?

Steph: Pshh, no! Relax, B! Nothing suspicious going on in here! Just an impromptu family meeting discussing a very boring--

Tim: We're all trying to bribe Damian.

Steph [whispering]: Snitches get stitches, Timberly.

Bruce [furrowing his brow]: And may I ask WHY you're all trying to bribe Damian?

Jason: Cause he's a stubborn little s**t who takes after his dad. Puts a friggin' BAT prefix in front of everything like it's the pinnacle of originality.

Damian [stomping his foot]: Her name is Bat-Hen, and that is final!

Tim: The rest of us wanted to name her Marco Pollo.

Duke [snickering]: Classic.

Jason: But if the demon-brat insists on sticking to his little theme, we're willing to compromise on Bat-cock.

Dick [pointing at Jason]: No the F**K we are not.

Bruce [putting his hands up in the 'time-out' sign]: So hold on, I'm not sure I'm following. You're all trying to name WHO?

Steph: Damian's new chicken.

Bruce [with a relieved sigh]: Oh, okay.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce: his what

#batfam

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I love this omg.

#adorable

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FREE Online Art Courses for All Artists.

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Life Drawing Academy for learning to draw from life.

Drawing Academy teaches you how to draw anything.

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To receive the free classes, all you need to do is simply sign up for their newsletter and you’ll have instant free access.

#art

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Tim: i just saw Dick cry for like 5 minutes, but then his phone alarm went off and he just stopped crying???

Dick, from another room: its called time management

#dick grayson #tim drake

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IM CRYING

#art

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this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able to receive the education they deserve thanks to their messed up government

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Limits of the Human Body

Body Heat = 107.6 F

Cold Water = 40 F

Hot Air = 300 F

High Altitude = 15,000 ft

Starvation = 45 days

Diving Depth = 282 ft

Lack of Oxygen = 11 minutes

Blood Loss = 40%

Dehydration = 7 days

#writing reference

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Shazam: [First time meeting the league] oh my god this is so cool!! Tell me everything! What are all of your powers?! I mean, I know Superman is like, indestructible and can fly, and Wonder Woman is super strong and invincible, and Aquaman can talk to fish-

Aquaman: That's not-

Shazam: -and Green Lantern can create stuff, and Flash is super fast, and Batman has super strength too-

Superman: Actually, Batman doesn't have powers.

Shazam:

Shazam: Yeah he does. He's a superhero.

Flash: Nope. He's just a regular dude in a bat costume.

Wonder Woman: He's very competent though.

Wonder Woman: [quietly] compared to certain other heroes at least

Green Lantern: [offended] Hey!

Shazam: But- But how does he fight bad guys?

Flash: He punches them with his human fists and then blows them up with expensive weaponry

Shazam: That's insane! How is he not DEAD?!

Green Lantern: That's what we keep asking ourselves

Shazam: But how does he get to the bad guys if he can’t fly and doesn't have super speed?

Aquaman: Well, sometimes he catches a ride with someone else

Shazam: ...are you telling me Batman piggy back rides into battle?

Green Lantern: [straight faced] It's the only way he rides.

Shazam: Wait, what about Robin? His side kick? He has powers right?

Superman: uh, no not really.

Shazam:

Green Lantern: Only one of the Gothamites have superpowers

Shazam: Wait, you let normal children fight villains?

Superman: WE don't.

Shazam: So you, a league of superheroes, can't stop ONE powerless human from letting kids fight mutant supermonsters?

The League:

Superman: Look, he's very convincing.

Aquaman: Incredibly persuasive

Green Lantern: There was a power point presentation involved

#justice league

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The image of tired, emo, dad Bruce Wayne strolling up to a WE meeting with a Monster drink in one hand and a tiny, newly adopted 8-year-old Dick Grayson in the other lives rent free in my head.

#dick grayson