anavie-12

[anavie-12]

I cant do this anymore. I cant even tell anyone because I dont want to worry or bother them but its too hard

I have so much to live for but I cant I know life isnt easy but it shouldn’t be this hard at 15 I dont want to be here anymore

#I had to tell someone #mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #i cant do it anymore

[anavie-12]

was it my fault he treated me that way? what did I do wrong? I tried to be what he wanted couldnt he see that? he said I was beautiful and sweet, why would he want to hurt something he described like that?

you tainted my purity. you stole something from me I can never have back. your presence doesnt warm me like it did and I wonder if you know that. I wonder if I haunt your dreams like you do mine. I see your brothers at school and kneel to any god that will listen to not let them turn out how you have.

I wasnt an object back then so why do I feel like one now? im an old toy of his discarded in the mud never able to scrub the dirt from underneath my plastic skin; stained in all the places he touched me, the mud piled on so thick I dont even resemble who I was before him.

#tw s/a #poetry #trauma #nightmares #mentally tired #mental illness #mental health #su1c1dal

[anavie-12]

update: he sa’ed me and I have nightmares abt him almost every night 🎀 I hope ur mum is disappointed in u x

he takes up 90% of my thoughts,

I cant think of anything without thinking or connecting it to him, I wanna be around him and talk to him all the time,

I wanna kiss him, hug him, hold his hand and play w his hair constantly.

I wonder if he thinks about me this way or if im just a girl he calls his girlfriend

do I take up 90% of his thoughts? does he day dream about me like I do? does he think of me when he sees things he knows I like?

does he want to kiss me? hug me? hold my hand and play with my hair?

does he talk about me to his friends how I talk about him to mine?

does he actually like me?

I like him

I like him a lot.

[anavie-12]

why is everyones family close but mine?

#family issues #daddy issues #mummy issues #mentally tired

[anavie-12]

on a walk enjoying nature and breathing in the fresh air and admiring my surroundings (im walking to go buy a vape)

#choof #vape #vapelife #walk #australia

[anavie-12]

he takes up 90% of my thoughts,

I cant think of anything without thinking or connecting it to him, I wanna be around him and talk to him all the time,

I wanna kiss him, hug him, hold his hand and play w his hair constantly.

I wonder if he thinks about me this way or if im just a girl he calls his girlfriend

do I take up 90% of his thoughts? does he day dream about me like I do? does he think of me when he sees things he knows I like?

does he want to kiss me? hug me? hold my hand and play with my hair?

does he talk about me to his friends how I talk about him to mine?

does he actually like me?

I like him

I like him a lot.

[anavie-12]

tips for guys:

if a girl asks if you have watched scott pilgrim you always answer no even if u have. she may act annoyed, socked or sad that u havent watched it but shes not, deep inside shes thrilled that she will be the first to take u though the cinematic experience of scott pilgrim. if you answer yes it tells us that another girl has cooked here or that you are such a male manipulator that u have even watched female manipulator movies. let us have this

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgram vs the world #ramona flowers #envy adams #clash at demonhead #knives chau #kim pine #wallace wells #female manipulator #female hysteria #manic pixie dream girl #tips for guys #male manipulator

[anavie-12]

desert of champions

#diet coke #th1n$po #mealspo #ed not sheeren #ed meals #mealsp0 #low cal meal #ana meal #4n0r3xia #lana del ray aesthetic #alana champion #lily rose depp #mental health #mentally tired #mental illness #cassie ainsworth

[anavie-12]

hes the only thing keeping me here

the thought of us dating is keeping me alive

#i love him #hes so cute #mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #i cant do it anymore

[anavie-12]

i have 3 assignments to do and instead im scrolling on edblr

#3dtumblr #3dblrr #th1n$po #4norex1a #4na diary #4na blog #ed disorder #tw ed diet #ed not sherran #mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #i cant do it anymore #cassie ainsworth

[anavie-12]

this has happened to me and I can confirm its very embarrassing and I just had to tell them I was into lesbian p°rn 🤞🏻🏳️‍🌈

I'm so scared that someone will think I'm looking at p°rn when I'm just looking at th|n$p°... I really have to get one of those darkening screen protectors...

#th11n$p0 #lesbian #4norexi4 #ed relapse #i wanna be weightless #4n0r3xia #ed disorder #st4rv1ng #tw ana diary #ed bllog #ed not ed sheeran #disordered eating thoughts

[anavie-12]

ive told many people that im going to go to a therapist because my mums making me because she thinks im mentally ill but the truth is im making her take me to go see a therapist she doesnt care about me and I had to beg her to get me one

[anavie-12]

i dont understand how im getting told im not smart enough to do things and getting so stressed out even when im in many top classes and get an average mark of 85% on all my tests and exams. when 70% of my year is failing and going to drop out and do nothing with their lives. do I just attended a rlly shitty school or am I actually dumb

#i cant do it anymore #academic validation #I cant wait for the future #su1c1dal

[anavie-12]

theres too much I cant cope. I have school, then homework and assignments, work, I have to lose weight, get clear skin, shower, eat, sleep, drink, spend time with friends and family theres not enough time for all of that. I can barely do the things I love or enjoy because I have a million other things to do and if I do the things I love im wasting my time; so instead I do nothing

#mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #i cant do it anymore #i hate my family #academic validation

[anavie-12]

I think something in me broke last august, I never used to be able to cry and now I cry all the time. Before I felt nothing i was numb and now I feel everything, every minor emotion. why cant I be stable?

#god save me #mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #i cant do it anymore #i hate my family #academic validation

[anavie-12]

filling out a form to get a therapist and it asks for my symptoms/struggles w my mental health and I can put down ed but I wont bc thats my business and im not $kinny enough yet 🤞🏻

#mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #cassie ainsworth #th1n$po #3dtumblr #ed not sherran #4na diary #4norex1a #4na thoughts

[anavie-12]

“you have to finish your food what about the starving kids in africa” thanks mum now im fat

#4narex1a #4n0r3xia #4norex1a #4na blog #4na thoughts #ed not sheeren #mental illness #mentally tired #mental health #su1c1dal #i cant do it anymore #cassie ainsworth #th1n$po #i hate my family