bloodlilac

[bloodlilac]

[bloodlilac]

This happened the other day lol (Volume on) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #roommate #rad #friends #funny #itsnotaphasedad #dadadvice

#friends #dadadvice #roommate #rad #itsnotaphasedad #funny

[bloodlilac]

Little coffee and sunshine can usually cure me of my sadness So I treated myself . . . . . . . . . . . . . #coffee #sunshine #happiness #treatyourself #loveyourself #youdeservethis (at Java Jo'z)

#treatyourself #loveyourself #youdeservethis #happiness #sunshine #coffee

[bloodlilac]

#EMPOWERMENT #self love #appreciation #happiness #depression #fuck that shit

[bloodlilac]

My life has just been downhill ever since I can remember. And seeing old friends happy in life with new friends surrounding them, just adds another knife through my ribs and more bruises on my soul because if you never left me behind, I might be happy, too.

My friends were my heroes, because they were all I had. And when my closest friends abandoned me, ignored my messages, found a better life without me with them.. I lost faith in nearly everything I thought I knew, and was wary of every opportunity that came to me.

Making friends now just isn't the same, and I miss making friendship bracelets that spelled out our names. I miss how organic it was, how raw to made friends when you were so young and innocent. It's just so difficult now, and I miss everyone I used to know.

I wonder if they ever miss me, too.. after all, they're the ones that hurt me but I still hold a special place in my heart for everyone who made me forget about my life and feel happy for a while. I thought that maybe I'd mean something to them, too.

But I'm probably wrong. Cheers

[bloodlilac]

Unclaimed Ticket Stub to CarniValidation

I stare through the curtains to search for a reason to be good enough for you

But all I see is the warped reflection of my self across a funhouse mirror

Forget the illusion, it's still clear to see; who'd love a nihilistic clown like me?

Thick worry painted on my pale face and dressed in worn depression

I've no jokes or impressions, unless you count my existence as a joke

Which I do, cause it's true, but my two cents says that won't make you laugh

If I were you, I'd ask for your money back, cause this freak show is fucked

Unless being face to face with all my demons is your idea of a good time

#depression #anxiety #carnival #fun house #perception #freak show #clown #loneliness

[bloodlilac]

I wish I could sleep through every moment, because being awake has gotten even more useless than I am

[bloodlilac]

I don't want to sleep anymore, but the weight of all my bs is just pulling me further down into a lifeless reliance on no longer being awake

[bloodlilac]

I'm only contacted when someone needs something. Work to get extra help Family to get an explanation Friends to get a favor Men to get laid That last one ^is important. Because I realized that I've been conditioned to believe that simply being myself is not enough to earn someone's love and attention. No, in order to be worth someone's time, I had to give them my body on top of my affection, love, and everything else. That's all sorts of fucked up. So I recently visited a friend of mine, who I think is really rad, with a mutual intent to cuddle and hang out. Nothing more in mind. Well, from my experience I needed to have sex with him or else he'd never talk to me again because I'm not worth his time. So I made a move on him. Dumb mistake.. He wasn't into it and I think I caught him off guard. But I suppose that's alright, really. I didn't want to actually have sex with him anyways. It's not that I'm not romantically or sexually interested in him, it's just that I didn't go to see him with intent to be intimate. I just went for warm company. We only just started taking, I barely know him, and I'd like another chance to hang out with him because I honestly really like him. If somehow I'm tossed a miracle and I get to see him again, I plan to show him that I'm not just some lonely girl hunting for dick and attention. Now that I'm aware of the influence that caused my fucked up assumptions, I'll be able to approach this with MY desires and intentions unplagued by my past experiences. I really think we can be good friends, we've similar taste and humor and I genuinely enjoy his company. Also, he's needy just like me (: Maybe further down our friendship we can consider being more than friends, but as for right now I'm only looking for warm company. I fear that I won't get another chance to hang out with him, cause I'm an asshole and I think I've scared him away.. But I'm hoping that's just my anxiety. I'd really like to see him again..

#I fucked that up #mistake #fwb #friends #new friend #made a move #dumb mistake #read the room #kys #very embarrassed #anxiety #conditioning #past experiences #past relationships #the past came back to punch me in the teeth #live and let learn

[bloodlilac]

#found this #love this #not made by me

[bloodlilac]

My Life is a FREE Carnival Game

Step right up! Waste your precious time and attention for somewhat of a thrill but never actually win a single thing, leaving behind the cheap stuffed prize you didn't really want to carry around with you anyways.

[bloodlilac]

Sometimes there's nothing left to do, other than focus on yourself for a change

[bloodlilac]

Here's a gift

[bloodlilac]

Y'all only give a damn when you watch us burn Maybe don't fuel the fire, I dunno

JJ

[bloodlilac]

[bloodlilac]

ツバキとラン flat color digital version

[bloodlilac]

I do not believe in horosocopes…

… well fuck