cankeredlamentations
Bus Journeys Through Hell
Mis-adventures on the public transport of Leeds
52 posts
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Street Urchins
On way home on the 40, and 9 kids ranging from about 8years old to 12 years old got on raising hell screeching and running about the top deck causing annoyance to everyone aboard, eventually they got off at Halton but I really hope these little cunts don't breed/ meet an untimely demise- bit extreme I know but when you've finished work at 8pm the last thing you want on the peasant wagon is senseless screeching from unwashed urchins adding to the misery that is a First bus journey!
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National Take Ages Day
I'm assuming it's national take ages day as I'm on what feels like the slowest bus in the world, someone on a bicycle has taken over the bus as the driver uses every fibre of his being to stay well under the speed limit.
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Rectal Fuckwarts
2 failed bus arrivals this morning. I hope First Bus go insolvent or Metro allow another transport company to run buses in inner city Leeds. These were my thoughts as I stood waiting for the bus to go to the gym feeling like a disgruntled Mr Motivator, the electronic timetable displayed various times of arrivals that would never be which I should know better of by now as past experience has taught me the time table merely projects lies and disillusion. So now that I'm actually at last Sat on a bus 32 minutes after leaving the house, the twating bus is filling up faster than a Victorian workhouse with other chagrined commuters who from the random comments have about as much goodwill towards First Bus as the BNP do towards the idea of racial integration. It's taken a tremendous amount of will power not to post an expletive ridden rant about this morning's misery, and that restraint is eroding minute by minute as the traffic builds up and more and more people delay the journey by buying weekly tickets. I hate First...set of sniveling, cock nosed rectal fuckwarts.
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Reoccurring Nightmare
So like a reoccurring nightmare I'm on the bus and the same smelly bastard who gets on each night is about to get on. Always the same musty stale tobacco smell, and he has discoloured teeth that look like he's been eating shit and mustard.
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Another Human Air wick
Following on from my last post, same bus, same misery and who I will call the 'Human Airwick' has got on the bus to exude his scent, except instead of smelling like vanilla and pine cones this guy smells like a deep fat fryer and stale tobacco.
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Harold Steptoe's Garden
What an awesome end to the day, got on the bus and there's rubbish all over! Lower deck looks like someone has emptied an ashtray all over which due to my general disgust at the habit was cringe worthy episode as I dodged a minefield of tab ends. The upstairs was no better, crisp packets and empty drink cans at the front, and what looks like garden waste sprinkled all over the seats, there is no reason why leaves from a garden shrub should be sprinkled around the top deck of a double decker, it's like Harold Steptoe's back garden on this bus. Also some cunt is sat behind stinking of weed of too, The fucking animal's that use public transport really are the scum of society.
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Phlegm Ridden Tissues.
The best thing about a First bus journey in this heat is not the knowledge that I'm sat in a seat where previously a dozen different backsides have sweated and tainted the fabric, but the strong aroma of musty sweat, stale tobacco and misery from my fellow passengers. It almost feels like I'm stuffed tightly into a box of phlegm ridden tissues.
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Rogue Gardener ?
Upstairs on the bus, guy smells of strong stale sweat and the majority of the seats seem to be covered in small leaves much like the kind found on most garden hedges. The smelly bastard I can explain- a simple lack of soap and water, but the leaves? Either the bus has driven through a hedge maze or a gardener has gone rogue…
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Waiting for the bus running 15 minutes late, oldish bloke waiting at bus was one of the scruffiest bastards I've seen in a while, he had stained jeans that where too small on the waist secured with a leather belt that was on the verge of snapping. The fly of his jeans was wide open exposing the piss dyed underwear underneath. He was constantly coughing up phlegm and smoking the dirtiest dry smelling roll ups in existence while winking at all the women walking past and having a seedy laugh to himself. Truly despicable and possible hoarder of questionable top shelf porn. He was not alone as 5 minutes before the First Bus hippo wagon showed up, another guy arrived pacing, muttering angrily to himself and constantly staring at passersby with the cold eyes of a serial killer. He was successful at projecting a general air of malice while sporting a bleached blonde mullet similar to Rowdy Roddy Piper. Awful experience all round been trapped between an irate psychotic and a token dirty old man.
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Sponges Fingers
I've not done any post for a while as there was nothing to outlandish to report apart from the usual First Bus lateness. However there are two updates from the weekend. The 1st incident was on Friday when Dave from work sent me an irate text to let me know that he was stood waiting at the bus stop but it felt more like the battle of Culloden as there was a bloke also at the bus stop blasting out a set of bag pipes, I think his bus turned up in time but at the cost of a perforated ear drum. The 2ND issue was today while on the bus, geezer sat behind me smelling of sickly baked on sweat. The smell was so bad I could almost envisage the tainted air molecules filling my nasal cavity, but the smell seemed to have mass to it, It felt like two fat and spongey fingers were stuck up my nostrils trying to reach my brain stem. I would prefer the bag pipes as that involves a decent level of skill to play where as being a sweaty bastard only involves an aversion to soap and water.
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A Hat Trick of aromas
Recently I posted about a man who got on the bus stinking of piss and stale tobacco. This evening he's back but in addition to these two distinguished aromas, I can also detect a faint wiff of peanuts about him too. Good night.
#journeys through hell#public transport#leeds#comedy#bus#firstbusnews#first bus#first bus news#firstbus#bus journey#smells#moaning#stink#west yorkshire
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Cosmos Interference
It seems that if the bus is on time, then some cosmic interference takes place to land me with a forfeit of some for or another. Tonight this forfeit takes the form of a bloke sat behind me stinking strongly of stale tobacco and piss.
#journeys through hell#leeds#public transport#comedy#bus#first bus#firstbusnews#first bus news#bus journey#firstbus#smells#stink#west yorkshire
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Rat faced children
I'm reassured that my scepticism about the alterations to the time tables to the majority of First bus routes has been proven correct. Last night myself and Dave went for the bus scheduled for 8:15pm but much like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow it was non existent. We went for one that comes at nearly half past which did arrive but that journey was not without misshapen when some rat faced chubby kids threw a big lump of mud at the bus while it was driving and the caused the bus driver to stop and examine the bus for any damage, no doubt those children will grow up to be successful- at a life time of benefit sponging and petty crime. A short while later a passenger was getting off but decided to stop and quiz the driver before seeing what damage had been done to the bus outside by standing in front of it- but seeing as he had a Tesco carrier bag and no toolbox I don't think he was a bus mechanic. The same issue again this morning- no bus at the designated time, but the one I did get is nicely packed lack a cattle truck and over capacity with too many standing passengers, but what I find more upsetting is the guy behind me stinks of stale tobacco- get a shower and wash your clothes stinky bastard.
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Another fucking shambles for First Bus, they've changed the time tables across a number of services to 'improve reliabilty and service' but it's done fuck all good seeing as the usual trick of buses been due not turning up still carries on. What a turd of a service.
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First Bus driver to the rescue ( genuinely )
On bus...the bus stops to let a few passengers on and one of the people waiting to get on collapses and has a seizure, the driver gets off and goes to his aid and puts him in a recovery position while an ambulance arrives, it's not often I have much positive updates on this but the driver definitely deserve praise for her actions
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Punished by First Bus?
I think First bus must be punishing me for my tirades about their service as the bus I was waiting for never arrived.
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Nautical themed disaster
Firstbus kept to it's usual tried and tested tradition this morning by not turning up despite been 'due' I did experience what could only be likened to been on the top deck of a 18th centuary whaling ship amidst a storm at sea as the wind and rain lashed my flesh, so if you fancy enacting a nautical themed disaster, definitely stand at a First bus stop at 6:45am on winter morning.
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