darkwritingz

[darkwritingz]

everything is falling apart again.

long nights, short days with a lot of sleep.

no motivation to do anything for uni and therefore the feeling of being a complete failure.

reading all day to escape reality, but my phone gives me anxiety.

one social gathering and i overshared again.

one trigger and i’m hurting people i love.

feeling like the imposter again and again.

feeling unlovable again and again.

can’t shake off all these feelings even though i know i need to.

but how can i if i feel like i can’t talk to anyone anyway.

i‘m such a disappointment but i don’t want to feel like one.

im doing my best and it’s never enough.

i know it’s not enough but it’s always the same.

always when i think it gets finally better forever, it gets worse again.

i just wanna crawl back into a hole and don’t talk to anyone,

or do i?

because maybe i just want to be loved, once.

i want to be good enough just once.

once not feeling like the second choice or the disappointment.

for once, i don’t wanna feel weird or like an imposter.

but i guess this won’t happen.

because maybe i’m making this all up.

maybe i have a victim complex and people hate me for it.

maybe that’s why no one can fully bare me.

maybe my attachment issues are speaking.

but what if i‘m right about myself?

what if i’m just everything i never wanted to be.

#depressing post #thoughts #feelings #anxiety #imposter syndrome

[darkwritingz]

why does it not get better

#depression #anxiety #lonely #overthinking

[darkwritingz]

[darkwritingz]

oh, it’s getting bad again.

[darkwritingz]

I already said too much.

I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back.

I hate getting close to people these days.

I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.

[darkwritingz]

Do You See Her?

Do you see her there?

Huddled in the corner,

Gasping for air?

Do you see her?

Crying tears of pain,

On the pedestal of perfect?

A spot that so many try to obtain.

Do you see her?

Suffering in silence,

Her dreams crushed to dust?

Do you see her?

Fighting a battle that no one sees,

Fighting off an invisible disease.

Do you see her?

She's right over there!

With her long, brown hair.

DO YOU SEE HER?

Right over there!!!

LOOK!!!

Look at her gasping!

Look at her crying!

Look at her trying to be perfect!

Look at her suffering!

Look at her fighting!

…..But you don't.

You can't see her.

No one can.

Except for the people,

Who no else can see.

The outcasts.

The misfits.

The freaks.

The forgotten.

The lost.

The hurt.

They all can see her.

Can you see me?

Because if you do,

You can see her too.

[darkwritingz]

god i’m so pathetic no wonder no one ever loved me.

[darkwritingz]

ich wünschte ich könnte noch einmal mit dir reden.

ich hab deine stimme schon vergessen und ich wünschte das wäre nicht passiert.

ich weiß du bist bei mir,

ich weiß du begleitest mich auf jedem weg und achtest auf mich,

aber verdammt ich vermisse dich.

ich wünschte wir hätten mehr zeit gehabt,

ich wünschte wir hätten noch mehr wunderschöne, unvergessliche momente gehabt.

du hast mir gezeigt, was es bedeutet zu leben.

du hast mir gezeigt wie wertvoll das leben ist und wie sich pure freude anfühlt.

du warst mein vorbild, mein vorbild ein guter mensch zu sein.

ich vermisse dich so schrecklich.

ohne dich zu leben ist so verdammt hart.

und in momenten wie diesen wünschte ich mir nichts mehr als das du noch hier, bei mir wärst.

ich vermisse dich.

deine lache, deine witze, deine fürsorge und deine umarmungen.

ich wünschte du hättest nie gehen müssen.

denn auch du hast du mir gezeigt wie wertvoll das leben ist.

#grief #fuck cancer #opa #geboren um zu leben #his favourite song #i miss you #my heart hurts

[darkwritingz]

i wanted to talk to you the whole time and i wanted to hug you but when i had the chance my head went blank and i just said some stupid shit instead of talking to you. i miss seeing you everyday so much. i wanna make you laugh, i wanna share moments with you but most of all i want you arms wrapped around me and your lips on mine.

#thoughts #feelings #inlove #god i’m so done #unrealistic crush #i want you #i want you so bad #can’t think straight

[darkwritingz]

god i want you so bad, i can’t even think straight.

#feelings #hopelessly in love #i don’t know how to show him #how to flirt without making it akward

[darkwritingz]

i wish you could see the way i think about you,

seeing yourself through my eyes would make you realise how precious you are,

and how hopelessly in love i am with you.

#thoughts #feelings #secret crush #writing #hopelessly in love

[darkwritingz]

everyone is looking expect you.

you, the only one i want to look at me.

#feelings #inlove #thoughts #crush #secret crush

[darkwritingz]

feeling unlovable five days in a row yay

[darkwritingz]

i wanna be on your arms right now.

snuggling into you,

getting your warmth around me,

while hearing you whispering secrets into my ear.

[darkwritingz]

i wish i could just shut the fuck up.

[darkwritingz]

god, i already miss you.

[darkwritingz]

you should take it as a compliment that i’m talking to everyone here but you,

cause i know the second i’m near you i wouldn’t be able to turn my love eyes off you.

i wouldn’t be able to hide.

i would want to touch you, to kiss you,

I would laugh at your jokes and twirl my hair because

i want you.

i wish your attention would all belong to me and no one else.

my golden boy, i want to share the world with you.

we could be each others forever, it maybe just a little while but i could be yours.

#thoughts #feelings #inlove #crush #he was sunshine i was midnight rain