dearkarkat

[dearkarkat]

is this blog dead or what

DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST NOTICE?  WOW, AWARDS TO THE ANONYMOUS DOUCHEBAG WHO REALIZED THAT MAYBE, AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF TOTAL RADIO SILENCE, THAT PERHAPS THE BLOG IS DEAD!  MAYBE I JUST GOT TIRED OF EVERYONE’S HOOFBEASTSHIT AND DECIDED TO OLLIE OFF THESE HORRIBLE NEW SESSION PLANETS!  WAS HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED TAKING MY PLACE A SMALL HINT THAT MAYBE I DIDN’T CARE????

ANYWAY, I’LL LEAVE THIS HERE SO THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS CAN BENEFIT FROM THE OCCASIONAL BURSTS OF GENIUS OF PAST ME.

GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE! MAY WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.  THANKS FOR NOTHING.

SERIOUSLY GOODBYE NOW

GO AWAY

((never officially said this, I guess, but both skwinky and i haven’t really had time for dearkarkat for a while now.  thanks so much to everyone who enjoyed our blogging!  it was a lot of fun to answer questions as Karkat.  I might do more IC answers sometime from my regular blog, though, and go check out Final Arcanum, the amazing original webcomic that skwinky draws and writes, for more awesome art!

so long and thanks for all the fish!))

#dear karkat #seemed like as good a post as any to say goodbye #karkat #homestuck #ask karkat #welp #it's been fun! #Anonymous

[dearkarkat]

jawn-eeegburt asked: dear kankri i love you very much

Dear An9nym9us,

While I understand the sentiment 9f ‘l9ve’, the term is utterly h9m9-sapien centric and thus a 6it 9ffensive.*

Tr9lls d9 n9t have the c9ncept 9f ‘l9ve’.  9ur red quadrant has a primary em9ti9n 9f ‘pity’, and when it is fully realized I 6elieve it is expressed 6y the desire t9 care f9r an9ther tr9ll in every respect.  The great p9et Tr9ll T.S. Eli9t said 9f pity:

P9litic, cauti9us, and meticul9us; Full 9f high sentence, 6ut a 6it 96tuse; At times, indeed, alm9st ridicul9us— Alm9st, at times, the F99l.

This is a p9werful phrase, th9ugh the w9rd ‘f99l’ is a rather pr96lematic 9ne, sh9wing an 9utdated a6list sentiment.  Regardless, it clearly expresses h9w pity causes 9ne t9 fav9r y9ur cared-f9r tr9ll’s well6eing a69ve all 9thers.  This is a c9mm9n pr96lem am9ngst all the quadrants, and why I have sw9rn myself t9 celi6acy.

That said, I appreciate what y9u are trying t9 say in y9ur 9wn, questi9na6le way.  N9netheless, since I am f9r6idden fr9m any quadrant ‘shenanigans’, I must say that I fav9r y9u a69ve n9 9ther askers in this 69x 9r indeed 9ver any 9ther 6eing, and am a 6it tr9u6led that y9u w9uld tell me this.  Y9u might want t9 c9nsider that telling s9me9ne wh9 cann9t return y9ur sentiments 6ecause 9f a v9w that y9u l9ve them is rather unpleasant.

In the future, if y9u sh9uld express y9ur interest in an9ther tr9ll, y9u sh9uld use the appr9priate quadrant phrase, such as: “I pity y9u”, 9r “I hate y9u” (I find the term ‘hate’ distasteful - ‘str9ngly dislike’, perhaps?  I d9n’t kn9w if that’s str9ng en9ugh f9r 6lack feelings, having never experienced them myself).

*I understand that in y9ur parlance, the Signless Sufferer was ‘in l9ve’ with the Disciple.  H9wever, it is safe t9 say he was als9 a pervert 9f the w9rst kind.  N9t that there is anything wr9ng with that kind 9f perversi9n if the feelings were returned 6y the Disciple, I supp9se.

#tw #a6lism #quadrants #l9ve #pity #anti-celi6acy #ancest9rs #pr96lematic language #p99r ch9ices 9f w9rds #perversi9n #p9etry #in case any9ne has a fear 9f p9etry #ts eli9t #humancentrism #lack 9f c9nsiderati9n

#homestuck #kankri vantas #quadrant questions #what is love #we just don't know #dear karkat #dear kankri #text answer #ridiculous bullshit is more like it #excuse y9u #I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT #okay but that's an actual quote from ts eliot #who did amazing poetry #poetry #jawn-eeegbert

[dearkarkat]

#tw #c9pulati9n #sexual acts #anti-celi6acy #F9RCING PE9PLE T9 SAY TRIGGERING THINGS AGAINST THEIR WILL #h9w awful 9f y9u #i must n9w wash my m9uth with anti-6acterial 6ars #i might thr9w up #er #tw #v9mit

#ask blog #ask kankri #kanrki vantas #homestuck #dear karkat #dear kankri #comic #holy fuck anon we mods love you so much #this was hilarious #h9w c9uld y9u #y9u're awful :(

[dearkarkat]

Anonymous asked: Kankri, where the eff is Karkat?? I didn't sign up for this >:y

Dear An9nym9us,

I am disapp9inted in y9u f9r y9ur use 9f the phrase 'eff'.  While I applaud y9ur eff9rt t9 cens9r y9ur triggering use 9f a crude w9rd f9r sexual interc9urse, the entire phrase 'the eff' c9uld 6e rem9ved fr9m the sentence and it w9uld still make sense, rendering it harmless.  Please 6e mindful 9f h9w triggering I find any references t9 such crude language and its suggesti9n 9f anti-celi6acy.

Regarding y9ur questi9n, while I cann9t 6e entirely certain 9f my disciple's l9cati9n, it seems quite likely he is n9w nearing the end 9f his 1.39-sweep l9ng j9urney t9 the new sessi9n and is preparing t9 disem6ark the mete9r up9n which he has 6een travelling.

If y9u have 'signed up' f9r Dear Karkat, then I understand y9u are interested in receiving 9r listening t9 life 9r p9ssi6ly r9mantic advice fr9m my dancest9r.  Please 6e assured that I will d9 as g99d a j96 as, if n9t 6etter, than Karkat, in which y9u will find that all 9ffensive slurs have 6een entirely rem9ved fr9m the equati9n.  I d9u6t y9u will 6e dissatisfied - n9t t9 imply that Karkat did n9t d9 a fairly adequate j96! H9wever, his expertise in handling pr96lematic issues is n9t likely t9 6e equal t9 mine, having had milli9ns 9f sweeps t9 educate myself th9r9ughly 9n all related t9pics.

#tw: swearing, #tw: sexual interc9urse, #tw: a6lism? #perhaps n9t a6leism #as it is simply a fact that I am a likely impr9vement 9ver Karkat #th9ugh I mean n9 disrespect #disclaimer #i cann9t 6e held resp9nsi6le f9r the pr96lematic language 9f the askers #my ap9l9gies

#tw #douchebag alert #dear kankri #dear karkat #homestuck #ask kankri #ask blog #I think the m9ds are m9cking me in the tags #please refrain fr9m d9ing s9 #NEVAR

[dearkarkat]

Dearest Disciples Students,

It has c9me t9 my attenti9n that my erstwhile f9ll9wer - that is, dancest9r - has neglected this 6l9g f9r an unsettlingly l9ng time.  Since I find myself neglected 6y the auth9r 9f 9ur tale and ‘put 9ut t9 sea’ as 9ne 9f my marginally less triggering teammates w9uld say, I have decided I will make the 6est p9ssi6le use 9f my infinite time and will man the ship fr9m this p9int 9nwards. I feel that it is even m9re imperative that I take 9n this r9le as, having scr9lled 6ack thr9ugh previ9us entries, it is painfully clear that Karkat was yet t9 experience my erudite educati9n 9n the su6jects 9f privilege, triggers, and -isms.  This 6l9g is riddled with slurs, epithets, and assumpti9ns that have simply left me aghast.  Please 6e assured that y9u will n9 l9nger find th9se things here. I will d9 my very 6est t9 warn f9r any p9ssi6le triggers in any su6ject material that might 6e discussed. Thank y9u, and I l99k f9rward t9 y9ur questi9ns.

#dear karkat #dear kankri #kankri vantas #homestuck #ask blog #ask kankri #tw #all the triggers #bad puns #obnoxious typing quirks #long-windedness #kankri what are you doing #this cannot end well

[dearkarkat]

Anonymous asked: Dear Karkat, I don't think my moirail is pale for me anymore. We've been together for a long time, but lately he's been lying to me constantly [...] I'm sick of it, but I'm still pale for him no matter how terrible he is. He doesn't know me. What should I do?

I DON'T CARE HOW PALE YOU ARE FOR THIS DOUCHELORD.  I'VE CUT SOME OF THE CRAP HE'S PULLING ON YOU OUT OF YOUR QUESTION TO PROTECT DELICATE HUMAN SENSIBILITIES, BUT GET THE FUCK OUT.  HE'S BEHAVING LIKE AN INCREDIBLY SLIMY KISMESIS AND HE'S NOT EVEN DOING *THAT* RIGHT. LOOK, MY MOIRAIL IS NO PRIZE EITHER. IN A CONTEST FOR WORST MOIRAIL EVER, GAMZEE PLACES FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTH, AND ALSO WINS THE IMPERIAL TROLL AWARD FOR MOST ABSENT TROLL NOT ACTUALLY DEAD FROM FETID WOUNDING.  BUT AT LEAST ALL HIS SHIT IS OUT IN THE OPEN, STINKING UP THE AIR, AND HE’D NEVER LIE TO ME. WHEN YOUR MOIRAIL IS SHITTING ON YOU SO HARD YOU WONDER IF YOU’RE HIS NEW LOAD GAPER, SPECIALLY MADE FOR EXTREME CASES OF CONSTIPATION, IT’S TIME TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND OR MAKE YOURSELF BUGFUCK NUTS.  GETTING OVER IT KIND OF SUCKS, SO GO CRY ON TROLLIAN FOR A WHILE, WATCH A GOOD MOVIE, AND EAT A CHOCOLATE CONFECTIONERY IN A CUP. NOT EVERYTHING IS SERENDIPITY.  BY THE RULES OF EVERY GOOD ROMCOM, YOU’LL FIND THE MOIRAIL MEANT FOR YOU EVENTUALLY.

#quadrant counseling #homestuck #ask karkat #dear karkat #moirailship #serious business #no seriously it sounds like your friend is kind of being shitty #good luck! #*hugs* #karkat

[dearkarkat]

JEGUS FUCK WHO COMES UP WITH THIS KIND OF CRAZY HOOFBEASTSHIT

#DOCTOR WHO IS FUCKING TERRIFYING #WHAT IS A DOCTOR ANYWAY? #WE JUST DON'T KNOW #dear karkat #ask karkat #doctor who #homestuck #art answer

[dearkarkat]

OKAY THAT'S IT.  ENOUGH.

JUST FUCKING STOP

MY INBOX HAS BEEN RENDERED INTO AN OCEAN-SIZED POOL OF YOUR WEIRD HUMAN CLEAR SALINE TEARS CRYING FOR MY HELP.  I AM TURNING OFF THE FAUCET.  PUT YOUR TRAGEDY ON HOLD FOR FIVE SECONDS BEFORE THE TUB OVERFLOWS AND LEAVES A WATERLINE ON THE HIVE WALLS AND A WATERFALL DOWN THE STAIRS.  DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT!?

I'LL OPEN THE BOX UP AGAIN WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE.

#ASK BOX CLOSED #homestuck #dear karkat #ask karkat #we've got so many questions guys #so many #you don't even know #we'll get through as many as we can and then open it back up #thank you for everything! #karkat

[dearkarkat]

THEY KILLED SOLLUX.

AGAIN.

THEY'RE MOTHERFUCKING MIRACULOUS. 

LIVESTREAM IS OVER, ASSHOLES.

GAMZEE’S WRIGGLING DAY BROWNIES AREN’T SO BAD.

LOOK I KNOW I GIVE YOU ALL A LOT OF SHIT BUT

YOUR PLANET …

IT ISN’T SO BAD I GUESS.

SOLLUX, DID YOU STEAL MY HANDS?  YOU ASSHOLE!

#dear karkat #gif #karkat #karkat responds to followers #sollux #gamzee

[dearkarkat]

LIVESTREAM IS OVER, ASSHOLES.

GAMZEE'S WRIGGLING DAY BROWNIES AREN'T SO BAD.

LOOK I KNOW I GIVE YOU ALL A LOT OF SHIT BUT

YOUR PLANET ...

IT ISN'T SO BAD I GUESS.

SOLLUX, DID YOU STEAL MY HANDS?  YOU ASSHOLE!

#homestuck #dear karkat #ask karkat #thank you so much guys! #this was a lot of fun #livestream #sollux #nepeta #affiliate: dearsollux

[dearkarkat]

WAITING FOR YOU ASSHOLES.

#karkat #dear karkat #livestream #6/12

[dearkarkat]

PROBABLY AROUND 9PM "EASTERN STANDARD TIME". BECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY OF YOU, YOU HAVE TO HAVE DIFFERENT TIMEZONES. 

WHAT THE FUCK.

#dear karkat #karkat #homestuck #BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO #note: 18+ language! #6/12

[dearkarkat]

IN A FIT OF OVERSHARING, I'VE DECIDED TO SHOW YOU EVERYTHING THAT'S IN MY INBOX.

GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE NEEDY.  WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GENUFLECTION? 7% IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE AMOUNT.

#AND STOP ASKING ME FOR HUGS #NO SERIOUSLY I'M NOT A PALE WHORE #FOR FUCK'S SAKE #homestuck #karkat #dear karkat #ask karkat #art answer #text answer

[dearkarkat]

QUADRANT COUNSELING: MOIRAILSHIP EDITION

HELLO, SHITSTAINS.  IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF 'HOW THE FUCK DO I ROMANCE? WE JUST DON'T KNOW,' WITH YOUR LIFE-TROUBLES LOAD GAPER KARKAT VANTAS.

FAN-FUCKING-TABULOUS.

I SCOURED MY INBOX TODAY BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT DOING THIS THING WITHOUT A SCHEDULE WOULD BE ONLY MILDLY LESS PAINFUL THAN PEELING MY SCALP OFF MY HEAD, POURING A COLONY OF FIRE ANTS DIRECTLY ONTO MY THINKPAN, AND SLOWLY FILING MY HORNS OFF TO PROVIDE THEM WITH A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF KERATIN BITS.

IT IS COMPLETELY UNSURPRISING TO REALIZE THAT MOST OF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MOIRAILSHIP WORKS, SO IN MY INFINITE WRATH AS YOUR UNFORGIVING GOD I AM GOING TO SMACK THIS SHIT DOWN WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT AND YOU CAN TAKE A MOMENT TO FONDLE YOUR SHAME GLOBES AND COMPREHEND WHAT IDIOTIC HOOFBEASTSHIT THIS IS.

INCIDENTALLY, THE ONLY ONE OF YOU TO ASK A QUESTION WORTH ANSWERING ABOUT MOIRAILSHIP WAS ERIDAN FUCKING AMPORA:

hey kar i think im doin pretty good right noww but i just wwant to say it wwas good seein you passin on through an also ill just throww somethin in here to make it a question but can you list out howw exactly to be a good moirail so i dont fuck things up anymore

... IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU TOO, I GUESS.  IT'S NOT THE SAME SINCE YOU BLASTED MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND IN THE FACE WITH SCIENCE, HOPESPLODED THE MATRIORB, AND KILLED FEFERI AND SORT OF KILLED KANAYA, BUT THAT WASN'T EVEN TECHNICALLY YOU.  SO WE'RE COOL.

SINCE A BUNCH OF HUMANS HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM, THOUGH, HERE'S HOW TO BE A GOOD MOIRAIL, OR AT LEAST HOW TO NOT FUCK IT UP.

PROBLEM ONE:

Anonymous asked:

Dear Karkat, My moirail has a problem and I can't shooshpap her right now properly because of reasons. Anyway, so she has the WORST POSSIBLE choices for her flushed quadrant. [...] I just want her to fill her flushed quadrant and live with it "peacefully," but it seems she wants the opposite, and I can't do anything to help. What do I do?

I'VE ADDRESSED THIS BEFORE, BUT SINCE PRESUMABLY MOST OF YOU CANNOT FIND YOUR GLUTES WITHOUT THE HELP OF A COMPASS AND AN ASS-DETECTOR, I'M ASSUMING YOU ALSO CAN'T FIND THE 'OLDER POSTS' BUTTON TO GO BACK THROUGH MY BLOG.

MOIRAILSHIP IS NOT A GATEWAY TO MATESPRITSHIP!

BUT KARKAT, YOU WHINE, MOIRAILS ARE LIKE BEST FRIENDS IN HUMAN TERMS! AND FRIENDS MAKE GOOD MATESPRITS, RIGHT?  YEAH SURE WHATEVER. HUMANS ARE WEIRD AND YOUR ONE QUADRANT CRAP HAS GIVEN ME SUCH HEADACHES THAT I'VE WORN A BALD SPOT BEHIND MY LEFT HORN FROM RUBBING IT.

THE POINT IS, IF YOU START OUT FLUSHED FOR SOMEBODY YOU DON'T BECOME THEIR MOIRAIL AS A CONSOLATION PRIZE TO YOURSELF. I WOULD MAKE YOU AN ITEMIZED LIST EXPLAINING WHY, BUT YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER TO READ IT SO HERE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON: THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU'LL BE ABLE TO HELP THEM OUT WITH THEIR CONCUPISCENT PROBLEMS.  YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK IT UP BECAUSE, GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO BE STUPID WITH JEALOUSY!  WAY TO GO.  NOW YOU'RE A SHITTY BEST FRIEND AND YOU'RE STILL NOT IN THEIR FLUSHED QUADRANT.  GOOD JOB.

ANONYMOUS, YOUR OPINIONS ON HER MATESPRIT CHOICES ARE INVALID BECAUSE YOU WISH IT WAS *YOU*.  SO CONFESS OR KEEP YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ZIPPED.

PROBLEM 2:

Anonymous asked:

Dear Karkat, recently my moirail decided they would rather be my matesprit. I'd had thoughts before, so I agreed. Now though, I can't help but feel like I preferred our relationship the way it was. I thought I could adjust, I mean I really do like them a lot. But now I'm not so sure. Should I tell them? I don't want to break their heart and risk ruining what we had, but I don't know if I can keep this arrangement. And I'd prefer they don't turn into a genocidal maniac, either...

SEE, HUMANS DON'T HAVE QUADRANTS BUT IT JUST MAKES THINGS EVEN MORE PANTS-SHITTINGLY DUMB BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL THESE DIFFERENT TYPES OF 'LOVE' - WHICH IS WHAT YOU CALL PITY, I GUESS??? - AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEFINE THEM AND THEN YOU GET FUCKUPS LIKE THIS.

THE PALE AND FLUSHED QUADRANTS ARE PRETTY CLOSELY RELATED, BUT THEY'RE NOT THE SAME.  MOIRAILSHIP ISN'T JUST ABOUT SHOOSHPAPS AND FEELINGS AND SITTING IN PILES SNUGGLING, ALTHOUGH I GUESS THAT PART IS PRETTY OKAY TOO.  THE PALE QUADRANT IS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HELP EACH OTHER MAKE GOOD DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR OTHER QUADRANTS AND THEIR LIVES, WHEREAS THE FLUSHED QUADRANT IS ABOUT SLOPPY MAKEOUTS AND JEALOUSY AND MAKING EACH OTHER FEEL BETTER ABOUT HOW STUPIDLY PITEOUS THEY REALLY ARE.  IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE DEFINITELY PALE FOR THIS PERSON IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THEM FROM BEING A CLUB-WIELDING MURDERER.  SOUNDS FAMILIAR.

FOR SOME REASON HUMANS THINK BEING MATESPRITS IS MORE IMPORTANT OR "CLOSER" THAN BEING MOIRAILS, WHICH IS SUCH A BIG PIECE OF HOOFBEASTSHIT IT HAS ITS OWN GRAVITATIONAL PULL, THROWING YOUR PLANET OFF ITS ORBIT AND SPINNING IT INTO THE LONELY REACHES OF SPACE. BUT I GUESS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK.  BUT IF YOU'RE PALE, STAYING IN THEIR FLUSHED QUADRANT IS GOING MAKE BOTH OF YOU MISERABLE.

MATESPRITS WHO BREAK IT OFF USUALLY NEED SOME TIME APART OR THEY CAN FLIP BLACK REALLY HARD AND KILL EACH OTHER BEFORE AN AUSPICE CAN GET INVOLVED, SO YOU MIGHT NOT GET TO GO BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE BEFORE RIGHT AWAY. OR MAYBE IT WILL TURN OUT THEY'RE PALE FOR YOU NOW, TOO!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS *AGAIN*:

COMMUNICATE.  TELL THEM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.

AT LEAST YOU FIGURED OUT TALKING TO THEM WAS PROBABLY IMPORTANT BEFORE I HAD TO SAY THAT.

BUT THAT BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT PROBLEM:

sassy-gay-hawkeye asked:

Hey Karkitty, my best friend (I guess Morail?) is getting really distant from me, and I'm really worried! She seems almost ghost-like at times, and she's apathetic enough to rival a Strider...what do you think I should do?

Anonymous asked:

Dear Karkat, I've had a moirail for a really long time now; we've been real close ever since we were young. But last year (ahem, half a sweep ago) she met someone else who shares more interests with her. Ever since then, I tried my hardest to keep up with her, but I got the sense that we were growing apart. I talked it over with her, and it helped a little, but I'm still getting the feeling that she doesn't want to hang around me as much anymore. Any advice?

Anonymous asked:

Hey Karkat. I have been in a moirallegiance for about a sweep now. The relationship has been going great but recently, my moirail has been having pale feelings about another of her friends. She talked with me, and she said she's not sure wich feelings are stronger. I was under the impression that we were moirails for life. I have had my pale quadrant full for so long now, I'm not sure how I will do with that quadrant empty. How am I supposed to handle the fact that my moirail could be gone soon?

SOMETIMES YOU KEEP TRYING TO BE PALE FOR SOMEBODY AND THAT PERSON JUST ISN'T PALE FOR YOU ANYMORE.

HUMANS ARE ALL KINDS OF SQUEAMISH ABOUT 'HURTING EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS', PROBABLY BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE MAD AT EACH OTHER YOU CAN'T JUST GET INTO A PROPER BLOODLETTING PLATONIC HATE FIGHT THANKS TO YOUR LAWS, AND THAT MAKES YOU DECIDE TO *IGNORE* ANY ADVICE ABOUT COMMUNICATION, WHICH IS NUBSUCKING STUPID.

IF YOUR MOIRAIL IS RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU AND THEY WON'T SAY WHY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK THEM STRAIGHT OUT 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?'  MAYBE THEY'RE SO ASHAMED OF SOMETHING THEY DID THEY'RE AFRAID YOU WON'T PITY THEM ANYMORE, AS THOUGH FUCKING UP MAKES THEM ANYTHING OTHER THAN MORE PITEOUS.  OR MAYBE THEY'RE NOT PALE FOR YOU FOR NO GOOD REASON.  WHO KNOWS? YOU'RE ALL CRAZY SO IT'S HARD TO GUESS.

MAKE THEM TALK TO YOU AND IF THEY WON'T, THEN ALL THOSE PALE FEELINGS YOU HAVE ARE UTTERLY USELESS ANYWAY.  TIME TO DEAL WITH EMPTYING THAT QUADRANT OF THE DOUCHEBAG WHO'S NOT ACTUALLY FILLING IT.  TRY TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO SHARE YOUR FRIENDSHIP EMOTION WITH YOU?  I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS, EXACTLY, BUT STRIDER TALKS TO LALONDE ALL THE TIME AND THEY'RE HUMAN RELATED SO THEY CAN'T BE ACTUALLY PALE. IT'S FUCKING CONFUSING.  FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHY WON'T YOU ALL JUST ADOPT THE QUADRANT SYSTEM.  IT IS INFINITELY SUPERIOR TO YOURS.

PICK YOUR SLACK JAWS UP OFF THE KEYBOARD AND WIPE THAT DISGUSTING DROOL OFF YOUR CHIN.  I KNOW MY ADVICE IS STUNNING, BUT THAT'S JUST GROSS.

#COMMUNICATION #ask karkat #dear karkat #eridan #homestuck #karkat #moirailship #quadrant counseling #sassy-gay-hawkeye #text answer #I ALMOST DIDN'T ANSWER SASSY-GAY-HAWKEYE BECAUSE XE CALLED ME 'KARKITTY' #I HATE THAT NICKNAME

[dearkarkat]

SO TUMBLR.

I GET UP THIS EVENING, TOWEL OFF, CLEAN UP MY SOPOR TRAIL TO THE ABLUTION BLOCK, GET SOME SHITTY COFFEE WHICH DAVE FUCKING STRIDER CLAIMS TO HAVE PISSED IN, AND TURN ON MY CRABTOP TO FIND THIS SHIT.

ARADIA, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRAIPSING AROUND THE GREEN SUN PLAYING RING AROUND THE GIGANTIC EXPLOSION THAT CONSUMED TWO UNIVERSES WITH SOLLUX.  IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE ALREADY STARTED ONE.  DID HE TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, THE TRAITOR?

NEPETA, I

YOU'RE

FUCK I HOPE WE DON'T EVER RUN ACROSS THE DREAM BUBBLE WHERE THIS SHITTY AU IS PLAYING OU--

OH WHERE THE FUCK DOES THIS DOUCHEBAG GET OFF DOING THIS!? YOU'VE BEEN DEAD FOR THOUSANDS OF SWEEPS.  ROMCOMS DIDN'T EVEN EXIST WHEN YOU WERE AROUND - HOW WOULD YOU HAVE THE FIRST CLUE ABOUT ROMANCE?  WHEN DID I EVEN ASK YOU FOR HELP? LET ME CHECK IN WITH PAST ME AND FIND OUT!

--carcinoGeneticist RIGHT NOW [CCG] began memo 'NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE STARTED'--

CCG: HEY PAST ME! WANT TO LET ME IN ON WHEN YOU DECIDED CLUTCHING YOUR SHAME GLOBES WITH BOTH HANDS AND SCREAMING FOR HELP WAS A GREAT IDEA? CCG: BECAUSE I SEEM TO HAVE SOMEHOW FORGOTTEN ABOUT ASKING 'THE SIGNLESS' TO PICK UP OUR IMAGINARY SLACK!

--carcinoGeneticist 71 HOURS AGO [PCG] responded to memo--

PCG: CRAM IT IN YOUR BILGESACK.  YOU KNOW I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. CCG: THANKS, THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.  YOU CAN RESUME BEING A BLITHERING IDIOT NOW.

--CCG banned PCG [71 hours ago] from responding to memo--

--current carcinoGeneticist closed memo--

NOW MY WHOLE EVENING IS RUINED.  FUCK THIS SHIT.  AT LEAST TEREZI HASN'T STARTED O

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU------

#signless #nepeta #aradia #homestuck #dear karkat #terezi #HEY THOLLUCKTH #affiliate: dearsollux #affiliate: dearnepeta #affiliate: dearmegido #affiliate: dearsignless #dear terezi is coming ... #sollux #ask karkat #karkat

[dearkarkat]

#INAPPROPRIATE ASSHOLES #dear karkat #homestuck #karkat #art answer #noep #you must be this old to answer bucket questions #hint: karkat is not that age

[dearkarkat]

youareallstupididiots started following you

A HUMAN AFTER MY OWN BLOODPUSHER.

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS NAME? OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD CHANGE IT TO "YOUREALLNOOKWHIFFINGMORONS." THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT SENDING ME ALL THIS DRIVEL YOU SCRAPED FROM THE MOLD RUSTING OVER YOUR THINKPANS.

#dear karkat #karkat responds to followers #we wouldn't actually change the name of this blog though #youareallstupididiots