deltarose

[deltarose]

I.

Deserve.

Someone who loves me, hard.

Someone who puts in effort.

Someone who’s consistent.

Someone who is kind.

Someone who shows they love me.

Someone who actually cares.

Someone who listens.

Someone who values me.

Someone who pays attention.

I deserve the love that I’ve desperately put out, hoping that if I just love and keep loving. They’ll realize and love me back.

There’s many paths I could go. I don’t know which I want to take. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to struggle. But I can’t keep fighting for someone who clearly doesn’t want to love me.

#my thoughts #tired #breathe #feeling alone #everywhere #here #personal blog #tired of being tired #empty inside #conditional love #betrayal #what’s next? #lost #I’m not gonna fight anymore #i love him #I can’t force someone to love me #I can’t force someone to support me #I deserve so much more #I don’t know what to do #life fucking sucks #maybe I’m emotional #maybe I suck at communicating #maybe I’m the disconnect #maybe i’m the problem #maybe I’m overthinking

[deltarose]

i personally need 'em to team up real bad

[deltarose]

It feels like I’ve been left behind.

Or replaced.

I couldn’t tell you exactly where or how or when.

But I can tell you that I don’t feel valued. I don’t feel cared for. Nothing I do matters.

I write these words out that’ll echo in the vacuum of the internet. Maybe I need therapy. Maybe I need a vacation. Probably both. Instead I just keep burying shit hoping it’ll go away.

#my thoughts #tired #breathe #feeling alone #everywhere #here #personal blog #tired of being tired #empty inside #alone #but not alone #sad probably #I have friends #maybe I’m just disconnected #should I strive for freedom? #I don’t want to be alone #I don’t know #lost in thought

[deltarose]

I feel surrounded, alone. Trapped. Cornered. All simultaneously.

What do I do?

#my thoughts #breathe #feeling alone #personal blog #tired of being tired #empty inside #tired #trapped #cornered #alone

[deltarose]

If I had gotten to keep you, you’d be 3 this year

#feeling alone #personal blog #loss #thoughts #still thinking about it #still thinking though #shouldn’t I be over this by now

[deltarose]

The hardest part of existence is knowing every experience is unique. No one will know how anyone else’s brain works no matter the amount of communication.

There’s similar experiences.

Shared experiences.

But neither will ever impact any two people the same way. I can’t tell you how my life to this point has affected my existence. But I can tell you that everything up til this point is part of the reason I am how I am.

#my thoughts #feeling alone #tired of being tired #words of mine #personal blog #the human experience #no two people are too alike #why’s everything heavy

[deltarose]

[deltarose]

[deltarose]

“The strongest people have a past filled with chaos, heart break and disappointment.”

— r.h. Sin

[deltarose]

I’m empty

I feel alone

I don’t know what else to say.

Nor what to do.

#my thoughts #tired of being tired #breathe #alone #feeling alone #empty inside #how do I exist #what should I do #where do i go from here

[deltarose]

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

[deltarose]

“I loved you in a way I wished someone would love me.”

— Mahmdou Darwish

[deltarose]

“Give people time. Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours.”

— Reyna Biddy

[deltarose]

i’m starting to learn that i don't have to react to everything that bothers me, sometimes i just need to breathe, let it go, and keep my peace.

[deltarose]

[deltarose]

“We mature with the damage, not with the years.”

— Mateus William

[deltarose]

When my ex boyfriend broke up with me, the one before my husband. I had to recreate myself. I had a set of phrases that I’d say to myself. That allowed me to take back the power that I had lost when it felt like I wasn’t good enough.

It went something like this-

Do no harm, take no shit

Always forgive, never forget

Break ups are hard. Let yourself feel it and move on. (Which is always easier said than done) determine you list of deal breakers and go from there.

#my thoughts #everywhere #here #there #words of mine #always forgive #never forget #do no harm #take no shit #inner peace #breathe #break ups suck #but there will be better #learning journey #learn boundaries #seek peace #respect yourself enough to walk away