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enharcv · 2 years

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so it goes | park jongseong

THE SWIFT PROJECT : VOL 2 [ PARK JONGSEONG ]

pairing ‣ brother's best friend+ racer!jay x it girl + best friend's sister! fem reader ft enhypen's hyung line , wooyoung & san (ateez) , yeonjun (txt) , seeun (stayc) , karina (aespa)

genre ‣ brother's best friend trope , childhood friends to lovers , fluff , slight angst

warnings ‣ profanities , arguing (not much) , not proofread , mentions of alcohol , jay getting a black eye (slight violence) , illegal racing (idk help) , lots of flirting + maybe slow burn , lots of getting cock blocked , sunghoon being a dick at times , hookup scene , reading is rushed (i was dying to get this fic off my wip list im so sorry).

rating ‣ 16+

wc ‣ 46k

a/n ‣ HI LMAO. starting off with a very big apology for delaying this fic n starving y'all.. like this was due since april. it's been four months working on this fic n to make it up to y'all, here's a whooping 46k fic lolll! AND ALSO , thank you so so so so so so so so so much on 1k+ notes for chasing you ㅠㅠ!! truly im so greatful for it, so so grateful fr like i was so happy i was beaming the entire day when i found out we hit 1k+ on chasing you!!!!!!!!! as a thank you gift for making chasing you (y'all know i always go ALL out on jay fics) a hit, i gift y'all so it goes, volume 2 of the swift project, a whooping 46k (again!) fic!!!!!!! hope u guys have fun n enjoy reading!

playlist ‣ so it goes... - taylor swift , love me harder - the weeknd & ariana grande , chateau - blackbear , out of time - the weeknd , don't blame me - taylor swift , dancing with our hands tied - taylor swift , collide - justine skye & tyga , say it - tony lanez , or nah - ty dolla $ign & the weeknd , into you - ariana grande , trust issues - drake , slow down - chase atlantic , maps - maroon 5 , kiss & make up - blackpink & dua lipa , if i - seventeen , heartless - the weeknd , fallin all in you - shawn mendes, lily of the valley - daniel.

BEING IN THE SPOTLIGHT had always been the park's sibling thing. you and sunghoon had always been the top of everything, never second or last.

whether it was in terms of popularity, looks, style, personalities, academics, sports, curriculum, etc— you both never lacked.

and there were just never any flaws found in the both of you, the both of you were just perfect.

so perfect that almost everyone wanted to be you, that even when sunghoon graduated everyone was truly so bummed that the school had lost their gem.

not too sad because you were still left, another gem was still there. and with all the popularity that came, everyone wanted to be you.

it was just something that's normal, every girl wanted you, every girl wanted you and every guy wanted you, every guy needed a chance with you.

some would even go telling around that they did get you, rumors like that would often be heard once and then but you never bothered about it.

because if it's not a real fact, and it's not something you did— it's not a problem, you couldn't care less.

in the end, you're you and they're them, a bunch of losers and fans that want to be you so bad. it was something you've gotten so used to that it's old news and you don't bother about anymore.

surely to the reputation, you also live up to your standards. you're strong on your beliefs wherein anything that isn't related to your academics, school, friends, family and curriculum, it's not important.

even if you did like someone, it's just some celebrity crush you'll get over in a week. it wasn't because you're not attracted to anyone, you already had someone else in mind. but that's besides the point.

because, that didn't seem to convince sunghoon enough considering his stupid little brother agenda had always annoyed you where he has this overprotective thing over you when a guy enters the conversation they can kiss the chances with you goodbye.

every single time a guy approaches your radar, sunghoon is in your business telling them to fuck off or he'll make their life a living hell. and sunghoon is definitely a man of his words.

on time this kid in your grade just approached you to ask about something related to the class you both take together and it seemed like it just had to be the worst timing, sunghoon was just right with you.

the kid literally almost pissed himself from the daggers sunghoon was shooting at him for looking at you more than 5 seconds and you genuinely just wanted to die from how embarrassing it was.

the fact it happened more than just once just proves how sunghoon overprotective over his sister agenda wasn't leaving anytime soon.

but now that he's finally out of high school and busy with college and his lifestyle there, you thought you would finally be free from his torment.

read : you thought.

sunghoon was regardless on your back no matter what, so you pretty much gave up on trying to get sunghoon snap out of it even though it was annoying.

what else was even more annoying is that sunghoon didn't seem to trust his own friends around you.

it would've been less annoying if he had just kept that whole overprotective agenda with random guys but his own friends were just ridiculous.

perhaps it was because he knew how his friends were, the type of guys that he's always warned you about, the type of guys you had to stay away from no matter what.

you could agree with that if it came to jake since his natural habitat is being deep inches into different girls every weekend and playing with every single female he could spot.

but jay? you didn't think so. you knew jay hanging out with jake and your brother would have influenced him in a sort of way, which it did but he was still different from them.

he had his fair amount of hookups, flings and one night stands but you knew he was famous for never being tied down to a relationship. you figured it was probably because he doesn't do commitments and whatnot but maybe he's just less of an asshole compared to your brother when it comes to girls.

you just find jay somehow more interesting than jake— jake is a great guy but jay just keeps you attracted to him in an unexplainable way.

you're sure you don't have feelings for him, you don't do all these feelings stuff but, jay has something on you and you like to think it's just probably him being fine.

besides they're all away in college now so it wouldn't matter, you'll get over it in no time (that's what you've been telling yourself ever since you were 11 but whatever that helps you sleep at night).

it's been about a year and half now ever since you've seen them and ever since they've moved away for college. other than all the parties and mess they made when they were back home— you couldn't deny that you indeed missed their presence.

you loved your friends and everything but being around your brother and his friends felt more like home to you.

so you were beyond overjoyed when your mom broke the news that they boys are finally coming back home for summer break. so overjoyed that you couldn't sleep at night, just few hours away from reconciling with your brother and his friends again.

the entire time you were at school you couldn't wait for each period to end, you were so excited that you couldn't stop talking about the news to your friends.

"god i can't remember the last time i went to a good party— like, all the parties i went to after the 02z left was literal trash and so lame, " wooyoung sighs, rolling his eyes and continuing to sip his chocolate milk.

"right? so glad they're finally back in town, summer this time is gonna be the best." karina agrees, shaking her head cheerfully and turns to face you, who's already looking at her with a big smile.

chuckling at your friends being so hyped and cheerful now that summer break is finally here and senior year is coming to an end— and, the 02z being back in town.

"you guys seem to be more excited than me at this rate."

seeun shoves your shoulder and gives you a mischievous smirk.

"yeah and you, young lady," she says, narrowing her eyes at you. "you have no excuses now to bail out on us when we're going to parties— school's out, we don't want to hear anymore lame shit coming out of that pretty mouth, y/n."

the only difference between sunghoon and you is that, despite being in the centre of spotlight, you had always been more of a homebody and sunghoon was always the life of the party.

so when it came to large gatherings like parties and stuff, you were always too occupied with academics to bother about those parties sunghoon threw.

and the part where sunghoon and his friends are dying of hungover the next morning, you're not a big fan of it, at all.

"seeun's right, it's finally summer babe! we need to set loose, it's the final year of high school are you seriously gonna choose to leave out all of the fun?" wooyoung asks as he shrugs so exaggeratedly.

karina nods along, and smiles at you with the very well known smile of hers, the one that just makes you agree to everything she says.

the rina charm, and unfortunately it works on you.

"you're already always missing out on the race matches we go to, the ones that your brother and his friends are always at too!" karina whines, at this point she's begging you with pleading eyes.

"i just don't see the point in racing, the hype is too exaggerated."

"girl, have you seen choi yeonjun?" wooyoung gasps at your statement, crossing his arms across his chest.

"what? he's back in town again, too?" karina asks as she faces wooyoung with her jaw wide open.

"yeah, he's back for summer break too which means races are gonna be held more frequently now."

you just sigh loudly at karina and wooyoung conversing about the races they cannot get enough of, especially with whatever drama that goes on in there.

one thing you know for sure is that sunghoon did not like choi yeonjun at all, even the sight of him gets the blood boiling. you personally never had any experience with him so you're not sure about what's the hype with him or what's the beef your brother has going on with him.

whatever it is, you hope he just doesn't get into any messy trouble with yeonjun and ruin the summer for himself and everyone else.

"so, i was saying— y/n you can't miss out on any fun and i mean it." wooyoung demands, pushing karina aside and ignoring her as she begs wooyoung for more news about yeonjun.

her massive crush on choi yeonjun was showing, but that was every other girl in belift high, you guess.

"fine, whatever you guys say." you nod, agreeing to wooyoung and the rest.

"seriously girl, just let loose and have the best fun you can, you only live once as a teenager, high school will never happen again." wooyoung says and pouts at you with his hand plastered on his chest so dramatically.

"you need to shut the fuck up, that was so corny." seeun says and bursts into laughter with karina.

well she wasn't wrong entirely, wooyoung has quite a knack for being so dramatic for no reason at all.

"seriously, y/n? you too?" he sulks, seeing you joining karina and seeun laughing at him.

"wait! no, wooyoung—" you call out the half blonde half black haired boy as he gets up and leaves, sulking.

"you better go after him, you started this!" karina says, slapping seeun's arm and pushing her off the bench.

you just wave seeun a goodbye when she leaves whining after wooyoung, in hopes he'd get over it.

"you should get going," karina chuckles, and gets up with her bag slinged over her shoulder.

you completely forget your brother and his friends arrival, too engulfed into the conversation with your friends.

"oh yeah, i almost forgot." jumping over the bench, you grip onto your bag and walk the opposite way as you wave at karina.

"see you rina!"

the walk back home was quite nervous for some reason. you found it weird you were feeling this way, it was really just the same three people you practically grew up with, so being nervous shouldn't even be in your system.

somehow the closer you got to your residence, your heart was beating against your rib cage in nervousness.

the familiar car parked in front of the front yard gave you the chills and the excitement being mixed with nervousness was making you light-headed.

entering your home you see your mother walking down the stairs with a big smile at you.

"are they back already?" you ask and take off your bag in a rush before heading into the living room right away.

"what? were you hoping we weren't gonna come back?" a voice pops up from the corner and there was the cocky tone in the voice that your recognized all too well.

"hoon!" you gasp, engulfing him into a hug with big smiles plastered on each other's faces. sunghoon chuckles and gasps for air jokingly when you wrap your arms around him so tightly.

"you're gonna kill me, y/n!" sunghoon whines, tapping your arm when you pull away with a scowl.

"what a way to greet your sister that you haven't seen in a year and plus right? the best brother award must belong to you." you say, scoffing and rolling your eyes when he smirks with a proud expression on his face.

"that award has always been mine, you're just too late to acknowledge that." he says, cocking his eyebrow as he smiles at you.

yeah, you definitely missed him so much.

"seriously? not even a second after the sibling reunion, you guys are already fighting."

you turn around to see jake coming out from the kitchen, striding his way towards you with a big smile.

"jake!"

pulling you into a hug, you melted into his embrace and taking in the feeling you missed oh so much.

"cut it out now," sunghoon interrupts, pulling you apart from him making you and jake whine in annoyance.

what was sunghoon without keeping you off limits from his friends right?

"dude im finally seeing her after more than a year— are you serious right now?" jake scoffs jokingly, whining at his best friend.

"well you can see her," sunghoon says, nodding his head towards you. "but keep your hands off her."

"even if your hair changed, that overprotective brother in you definitely didn't." you grunt, tearing your gaze away from jake and hoon to the figure standing by the kitchen, a small smirk on his face as he watches the ongoing quarrel.

eyes scanning you up and down, he pushes himself off the wall and walks over to you and the rest, hands in pocket and smug expression plastered on his pretty face.

you're stunned, you weren't going to lie.

natural black did wonders on him, and wonders as in making you feel so giddy the moment your eyes laid on him.

you didn't ever know how gorgeous someone could look like in jet-black hair, jay pulled it off so effortlessly— he looked even more better than he was in blonde.

if that wasn't enough to hold you back from almost letting your jaw hit the floor from seeing him, jay has gotten a lot more broader and you wonder if he's been hitting the gym in the past year because the outlines of his biceps and muscles looked more defined.

your eyes just couldn't leave his just as his couldn't leave yours.

you looked just like he could remember but more— breathtaking. senior year has definitely played a big part on how much you've matured over the year, you look more pretty and hot.

"hey,"

"hi, jay."

your voice has gotten deeper than he remembers, the high pitchy voice now replaced with an alluring voice that was truly taking everything in him to not get weak in his knees.

nevertheless, pushing all the thoughts behind, jay just gives you a small smile and then faces away from you.

you're not sure why the lack of attention or interaction with him gave you a small pang in the heart, not that it shouldn't have mattered.

you paused to think, no way in hell did you consider wanting anything to do with him that isn't platonic— just because suddenly he showed up after a year and half being gone, looking a lot more fine and handsome, didn't mean he could be your summer fling.

but you couldn't help but think about the possibilities of it happening, it seemed fun and thrilling.

the mere thought of sneaking behind your brother's back and fooling around with his best friend didn't seem like too much of a bad idea at all— pretty much the thought of it gave you a sudden adrenaline rush although that could be such a betrayal to your brother from two people he trusted, his sister and his best friend.

with the sudden tension between you two and summer break starting, having a small fun can't possibly go wrong, _right_?

just a summer fling can't possibly be more than just a summer fling, and your friends were telling you to let loose, this could be your chance.

if jay was down for it and you were, as long as you both are being discreet enough, not a single soul knowing about it besides the two of you (and maybe your friends), nothing can go wrong.

"we're gonna head out for a moment, it's been awhile— we'll probably go around the town for a few hours," sunghoon tells your mother as he picks up the car keys with jake hot on his trail.

"we'll be back before dinner, mrs.park!" jake agrees along with his friend, giving your parents his sweet cheshire cat smile.

your parents could never not give in, especially when it comes to jake. how could they not, especially when the boys are finally back after a long time, they deserved to have some fun.

"alright i guess," she says before pointing at the jake and sunghoon. "be back home before dinner, you promised and be safe, boys."

nodding like a bobbleheads, jake and sunghoon giving each other high-fives, they rush out the door.

"dude, let's go!"

you glance at jay, seeing him give a small bow at your parents before looking back at you and leaving with his friends to whatever mess they're about to create.

the look he gave put few thoughts into your head, one being the one-million dollar question;

he can be your summer fling, right?_

HOURS HAS passed by and your brother and his friends were still not home yet, although it was inching closer to dinner time in a few minutes.

even your friends had stopped for 'checking on you' when in reality they were actually just here to catch a glimpse of the 02z. just too bad, their timing was wrong.

helping your mom with taking the dishes to the dining table, as soon as you place it down on the table, the front door opens and you hear shuffling down the hallway.

"we're home!"

sunghoon enters the kitchen first, and immediately sits down at the table but your mom slaps his hands when he reaches for the food.

"AH!"

"has college ruined your manners? go wash your hands, sunghoon!" your mom glare at him, immediately making him get up, sulking as he disappears into the kitchen to wash his hands.

you stifle your laugh when you follow him into the kitchen to get more plates.

"i'll knock off your teeth, stop laughing." sunghoon scowls, glaring at you in annoyance.

sibling fights used to be the one thing you dreaded the most, but when sunghoon was away, it was the thing you missed the most although you had your peace.

"yeah yeah as if hoon," you stick out your tongue at him. "how do you have no manners in your fossil age?"

without a warning, sunghoon flicks off the water from his wet hands into your face making you shriek in surprise— and well, now your skin damp.

"PARK SUNGHOON!" you scream, taking water into your hands and flicking it on to him.

"Y/N WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" he whines back, and chases you around the kitchen to flick more water onto you.

you're both fully drenched by the time your mother heads into the kitchen at the sudden commotion and screaming.

"are you both serious right now?" she sighs loudly, slamming her hand against the cabinet on her left, stopping you both in tracks.

"you both need to grow up, are you guys seriously gonna fight? sunghoon you're an adult, y/n you're old enough to think!"

you stare silently at your mom, suddenly feeling embarrassed when jake peeks his head into the kitchen, behind your mom.

"she started it first, you're always blaming me…" sunghoon trails off making you gasp at his audacity to blame you.

"me?! he's lying, mom!"

"both of you cut it out, i don't want to hear anything— get changed i don't want to see you both drenched AND CLEAN THIS MESS!" she scoffs, glaring at the both of you and then leaving the kitchen to attend to the guests.

you both stand in silence before bursting out into laughter.

"you're so annoying, gosh." sunghoon chuckles, as he kneels down to wipe the wet patches on the floor from flicking water at you earlier.

"if anything you're the annoying one here, hoon." you retort back, chuckling when you kneel down next to him.

you both clean up the mess in silence, before one of you speak up again.

"i missed this,"

you look up at sunghoon and see him smiling at you softly. "the saying, you don't miss something until you can't have it anymore, it's true."

"i was really homesick most of the time more than i was having fun back there— sure partying was always my thing, but i missed two among the most important things in my life." he continues but halts his actions when he looks at you.

you hum at him to go on, with a small smile.

"home and racing."

"why was i expecting you to say it was me or something?" you snort, shaking your head a sunghoon being dramatic.

"are you not my home, y/n?"

you pause, looking at sunghoon whose face is now flustered, and eyes slightly glossy.

"sunghoon,"

"i missed my sister the most, you know you mean the world to me more than anything— family will always come first to me."

you stay silent, letting sunghoon pull you into a hug, and sigh.

sunghoon was barely the one to express his affection towards you in this brother and sister relationship, it had always been you.

so seeing sunghoon breakdown from being homesick after being away, you realize that the empty spot in your heart is filled the moment you fall into sunghoon's arms.

it's so reassuringly comforting that when teardrops falling from your eyes surprised you.

"i missed you too, hoon." you whisper, and close your eyes, letting the hug make up for all the moments you stood in front of his room when he was away, hoping he'd be behind it, waiting to yell at you for disturbing him.

or when the days you'd come back home to a empty house when your parents were frequently out of town for business, you secretly hoped the house would've been filled with random people from school with sunghoon in the kitchen or upstairs chugging down his beer from beer pong, ready to be yelled at you for holding a party when you needed to study for s test you'd ace regardless.

"we look so dumb right now." sunghoon laughs, pulling away from you and rubs his eyes and sticky cheeks from the tears.

"it's alright, we're dumb and dumber." you say, chuckling when sunghoon agrues that he's just dumb and you're dumber.

whatever that made him happy you figured.

after cleaning up the mess and catching up, your mom was already scolding you guys for missing out on the entire dinner which resulted to you and sunghoon having a late night dinner as you both catched up on each others lives while the rest were already in their designated rooms for the night.

when you slipped into bed that night, there was a lingering guilt feeling in your chest after the interaction with jay from the day and sunghoon's confession from earlier.

sunghoon said you were one of the most important people in his life, and if you were to betray him and his trust, you'd never forgive yourself for it.

but liking someone isn't a crime, if you were attracted to jay and if you were to have a fling with him regardless, there was nothing you could do about it

to say the least, you were lost in confusion and absolutely clueless before you drifted off into your slumber.

MAYBE SPRING was a better season compared to summer because you were drenched in sweat the second you stepped out of your house just to wait for wooyoung to pick you up.

you and your friends finally decided to make plans for the first week of summer. ever since that night, you and the 02z barely met apart from seeing each other for a few seconds in the morning, so you figured they were busy for the time being, hence hanging out with your friends seemed to be much of an better idea than just staying home and rewatching the same series you've been watching for months now.

but now that you're practically damp and sticky, staying home didn't seem much of a bad idea anymore. before you could head in, the familiar red mercedes stops in front of your yard, honking at you.

"i can see you're here, there was absolutely no reason to honk, woo." you say, rolling your eyes when he winks at you.

"my baby sounds hot when he's talking," wooyoung says when you close the door after getting in.

you hear karina and seeun gag at wooyoung's over exaggeration about his car.

"it's about fucking time you're finally obsessed with something that isn't choi san." seeun says without batting an eye at wooyoung as she continues to scroll on her phone.

the silence wooyoung gave was loud enough to make the three of you look at him and gasp.

"don't tell me….."

"why else would i want to volunteer to take you guys to the pool party choi yeonjun is hosting?" he asks, leaning his arm on the armrest and puckering his lips out.

"CHOI YEONJUN?" karina shrieks, well practically screams at the name of her crush being mentioned.

seeun gives her a sigh, mentally regretting what she agreed to when wooyoung had texted in the group chat earlier if anyone wanted to hang out at a pool party.

she thought he meant a personal one where it was just them, the thought of wooyoung taking his friends to a pool party where his crush was definitely not on her thoughts radar.

"okay so we're going to a pool party hosted by choi yeonjun?" you ask as you take off your sunnies and point it at wooyoung.

he nods.

"see you guys tomorrow, i'm leaving!" you chuckle and turn around to leave but wooyoung is quick to lock the doors. you attempt to open it again but seeun sighing loudly again just made you give up.

"y/n, don't be a party pooper!"

"wooyoung do you not know how much trouble i can get into if sunghoon finds out?" you whine loudly, and let your head hit against the cool leather seat you're on.

"it's about time you stop walking on eggshells around your brother," he says, and you give him a glare.

"and—" he stops you before you could argue further, "i heard your brother and his friends are there so, it's probably not a big deal. maybe yeonjun and your brother are finally civil again or not why else would he be there?"

wooyoung's right but your gut tells you to not trust him, he's always the root of the problem when the rest of you get into a mess. so speaking from you experience you don't want to trust him, but the sudden reminder that jay would be there somehow makes you cave in.

besides, you did see the boys leaving a few hours prior to this in summer wear, so wooyoung also isn't wrong.

karina gives you her pleading eyes and you sigh, nodding after a while.

the two cheers while you and seeun sigh in worry and bored.

you don't know what you signed up for, but you have a feeling it's about to be eventful for sure.

PEOPLE LEARN FROM THEIR mistakes all the time, some do after committing mistakes once more and some don't at all. you and your friends belong in the last category as for now and as long as you guys continue to be friends with jung wooyoung.

trusting wooyoung was always a bad idea, even when it came to skipping out on classes, it was always the three of you getting caught and woyoung somehow getting away or when you accidentally got wasted as fuck and got an earful from your parents while wooyoung stayed back like a cat after being the one who brought you into the mess.

even if you guys ever managed to not get into a trouble it was by sheer luck and once in a blue moon.

however, now wasn't any different either— you, karina and seeun are contemplating on why did you guys think trusting wooyoung when he said a bomb ass pool party that's hosted by choi yeonjun was a good idea.

the four of you stood stranded in the middle of the party house, glaring at wooyoung after he 'found out' that it wasn't actually choi yeonjun hosting the pool party, it was actually some other kid with a choi too— him mishearing now has lead to the four of you to be clueless in a random stranger's house pool party.

"what do we do now?" you ask and receive no responses back except for karina still looking around hoping for a choi yeonjun to show up, wooyoung bored out of his mind and seeun being emotionless and annoyed.

this wasn't what you would see at a pool party but your friend group has issues.

"oh my,"

the three of you turn towards karina who's gawking at the backyard with her jaw slacked on her floor.

"what?"

"oh my god y/n the 02z are here!"

"what?" you shriek. you did expect something from karina but that definitely was not it. wooyoung gasps when he sees jake entering the house, wet and damp head to toe, like he had just come out from the pool.

by the obvious looks of it, he definitely did— water trailing down his toned chest and his blonde but now light brown hair sticking to his forehead. from the opposite of the room, with everyone's eyes on him, his gaze meets yours.

jake smiles when he sees you and immediately strides over as he continues to wipe his hair with the towel in his hand.

"yo y/n, didn't know you were coming!"

"oh, uh me too." you laugh awkwardly, glancing at wooyoung who just gave you a small smirk before you looked back at jake again. "we just happened to be here, by mistake."

jake just laughs in response as he looks at you, while karina is staring at him with two big hearts popped out of her eye sockets.

"don't know what you mean but hope you guys have fun," he says, and looks around at your friend group. "i'm gonna go hop in the shower, see you around, yeah?"

"yeah, cool, bye!" you wave at him and immediately turn back to your friends.

"y/n be honest, do your brother's friends get a free pass to you that others don't?"

"what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" you shriek at the sudden comment by wooyoung who's giving you the most mischievous shit-eating grin ever.

"you know, like, does jake sim have the hots for you or something because he could not stop staring at you, the whole entire time he was here."

karina gasps, agreeing along with wooyoung as if she wasn't drooling at the sight of a shirtless, wet glistering jake sim which she probably could have developed a crush on a while ago.

"karina i thought you were better than this, why are you even agreeing with whatever nonsense wooyoung just brews?" you ask, and scrunch your nose in disbelief when she sighs and reasons.

"wooyoung is not wrong, the entire time i was staring at him, his eyes did not leave yours and those skimpy shorts of yours," she says, giggling at the way your face reddened.

"you made a good choice today, love the shorts babe."

you sigh disappointedly at your friends' delusions, "i hope i never hear that again because one, it's not true."

"and two, on the worst case scenario— sunghoon will murder jake," you pause and point at yourself with your thumb facing tour way. "and me."

karina sighs exasperatedly, "how is it any of your brother's business if you get bitches or not?"

"yeah like at this rate your life companion is about to be your right hand flicking the bean, and you'll die a bitchless virgin."

wooyoung nods, and gives you a mocking pout.

"that's the worst that can happen to you, y/n. we mean it." he says, scanning your stunned state.

"you guys worry too much about her, she's a grown woman that can fend for herself, neither you guys or her brother should even be this controlling and way too worried for her."

the three of you look toward seeun who finally spoke up and staring back clearly annoyed which makes wooyoung scoff obnoxiously loud, as if it was on purpose.

"forget about y/n for a second," he pauses for an instant. "what's up with you all day, all up in your feels and shit?"

seeun furrows her eyebrows, confused why wooyoung was suddenly up her ass with an annoying question.

but before she could retort back at wooyoung, you cut her off. "i think we should chill!"

"yeah yeah! y/n, let's go by the pool!" karina cheers, grabbing you by the first and dragging you away from the two annoyed hotheads.

"wooyoung's right though, seeun hasn't been in the best mood all day. she's been sighing and sulking," karina says as you follow her , hot on her trail.

when you don't say anything and just hum, karina continues on, "especially when jake was eye fucking you earlier—"

"he wasn't eye fucking me!" you gasp at her illicit way of expressing jake looking at you as he spoke, it was proper speaking courtesy (or perhaps your friends were right and you just didn't notice it!).

karina gave you a lopsided smile and then continued as you caught up to her by her side while you guys made your way out of the sweaty bodies in the crowd.

"i was saying, especially when he was 'looking' at you earlier," she says, "seeun was literally shooting daggers at him."

"are you serious?" you ask her, chuckling at the way she was over exaggerating it. maybe seeun is on the time of the month and wasn't feeling too well, or perhaps she didn't enjoy jake interrupting you four.

karina shakes her head at you, denying.

"my gut and rina instincts says that……" she trails off with her index finger tapping into her chin while she pretends to think knowing damn well the answer is already in her head.

"just say it!"

"that seeun got jealous because jake was talking to you and not her!"

you halt your steps, immediately tugging karina back due to you two holding hands and you stare at her, completely stunned.

"i don't know if your speciality is being dense or— there's no way in hell that's possible," you say to karina, shaking your head at her statement.

"what do you mean? you know she's always hyped when 02z hold parties and— and… you know!" karina whines, trying to justify her guess but she only gives it up when you laugh.

"although you and i both know that's not true— but if it's actually true, then good for her, i'll keep my limits with jake for her sake, if that helps." you say and walk away last karina when you spot a vacant beach lounge.

karina's instincts tingle again, but this time it indicates something's wrong, nevertheless she just pushes it to the back of her mind and heads over to you, deciding that minding her own business as of now seemed like a better option.

as soon as you both settle down, you take off your clothes and now, in your bathing suit, ready to sunbathe due to the weather being just perfect for it.

you turn to ask karina to give the sunblock moisturizer, but she's already somehow dozed off with a book on top of her face, covering her sleeping state.

sighing, you pick it up yourself and sit back down to apply it on, but just as you were about to, your attention is caught by a person at the opposite of you in the pool, surrounded by a flock of girls.

although you're sitting on the chair, you couldn't help but feel your knees weak when you see his skin glistering under the sun from the water and his hair just slicked back, a few strands sticking onto his forehead just like jake from before.

jay's gaze remains on you despite the girls practically pushing themselves on him and you weren't going to lie, that definitely gave you quite an ego boost and made you feel some type of way.

as if he's only focused on you even if the most charming girl wants him.

lips curling up into a smirk, you let out a breathy laugh when one of the girls slides her hand up his chest, pulling him onto her shoulder, like a hug but she's practically lying on him.

nevertheless the gaze of the boy doesn't leave yours and somehow you feel like you're entitled to retort back, in a way.

two can play at this game, for sure.

squirting the liquid from the bottle, you drop the bottle and spread the liquid on your skin, all while making sure you're doing it in the most sensual way possible. applying the moisture on your legs, slowly while remaining eye contact with him and a growing smirk in your face.

what you didn't expect out of that action is for jay to push off the girls and swim his way towards you. that's was quick, you thought and pushed your hair forward onto your right side.

"what do you think you're doing?" is the first thing he says and your smirk is immediately replaced with a scowl.

"well, hello to you too jay!" you scoff, though that doesn't really seem to phase jay.

"you're not answering my question," he says, leaning into the tiles and squinting his eyes at you. if he definitely wasn't being rudely annoying, you would've gave him a compliment or two because holy hell, was this boy fine as fuck.

"a—"

"i asked what do you think you're doing?" he asks, cutting you off. you're starting to wonder if he had always been this annoying before.

too bad as far as you could, he wasn't even this rude before, jay seemed to have a knack for it now. college must've changed him.

"why does it matter to you what i do?" you ask, rolling your eyes at him. jay glares at you sharply before, he jabs his tongue against his inner cheek.

truth to be told, your heart wasn't the only thing pulsing.

"well it does. don't do that again, especially to just anyone, y/n, im serious." he says, getting out from the pool with water just dripping down his body and it was truly taking everything in you to not gawk at him, shamelessly.

"and i'm serious jay, there's nothing wrong with what happened, i was just applying sunscreen." you justify with the growing smile in your face that makes jay snap.

"just applying sunscreen?" he asks, even copying the tone you used. "i don't think so y/n, looks like you were trying to do something else there."

"huh, really? and what would that be then?" you ask, gasping at the end to add a little bit of attitude as you laid back in your chair, looking up at him.

"are you kidding me right now?"

"oh, no! i'm not, why would i?" you gasp, faking a shock in surprise when he asks you the obvious. "i mean, you said i was trying to do something else and i have no idea what i was trying to do like you said, so please, enlighten me, jay?"

jay bends down, leaning over close to you so he's on the same eye level as you. pressing down on your thigh, making your stomach do flips, he sighs.

"don't press my buttons, y/n, i know what you're trying to do, don't." he says, with a small nonchalant smirk.

"w—"

"y/n." you never knew your name sounded so good before, and jay saying it has you tongue tied.

"you'll tempt me too then."

if that didn't leave you speechless, you certainly don't know what would and with that being plastered on your entire face, jay's smirk grows bigger and he just walks off, leaving you flustered.

"f-fuck." you breathe out, bringing your hand to your face to feel so hot it was getting. your face was hotter than the weather itself, and that spoke for itself.

when you got back home, you were glad the boys weren't back yet because you didn't know what to do if you ever saw jay again. you just didn't know how to react if you saw him again and the only thing that'll flash through your mind is the scene from the pool party before.

how could something so meaningless like that affect you this much? you didn't know the answer yourself.

after escaping from your friends, jay, your brother and coming back home, you just rushed to take shower and shut yourself in your room.

only after a few hours did the boys finally come back home and you made sure to avoid jay every way possible, though you were already locking yourself inside your room.

and the scene from the pool earlier just couldn't stop playing in your head like a broken cassette tape.

like what the fuck was "you'll tempt me too then," even meant, because that was something that definitely had thinking about all night, not a single blink of sleep did you have tonight.

you glance over at the clock on your nightstand for the 100th time tonight, showing it's just past three a.m. and your stomach starts rumbling.

you missed dinner from trying to hide from jay, though your mom insisted on sending it to you upstairs, you figured you'd be fine just missing one meal. seems like it's not.

slipping out of your sheets, you walked out of bed and headed downstairs when you were sure it was pitch black and eerie silent in the dark hours of the night. you see all the rooms were closed so that probably meant everyone was asleep, at least you hope they were.

cause as soon as you walked into the kitchen, your soul almost left your body when you see a tall figure leaning against the cabinets, scrolling through his phone.

"oh my fucking god," you gasp, holding onto your chest as your other hand flicks on the light switch, revealing jay looking at you with his eyebrows furrowed. "you scared me!"

no reaction is on his face even when you approach him with another gasp from staring at his forehead.

"were you at the tracks? what happened!" shrieking, you move his hand out of the way and examine the wound on his head. it was a cut, but it looked like it wasn't treated yet, that would lead to an infection.

when he doesn't answer even when you move back, you gasp, once more time.

"did you get into a fight?!"

"it wasn't a fight, y/n." he replies, and puts his palm against the wound to hide it but only winces in pain when his hand makes contact with the wound.

"then what the hell happened?"

"why are you worrying?" he asks, shutting his phone off and placing it on the table, right next to you and turns his focus into you.

you should be asking yourself the same question too, why exactly are you worried about him. sure you should worry, but worrying in this way, that wasn't necessary.

but you still find yourself worrying as soon as you see the wound in his pretty face though you can just go on with your day, just gasping at first sight, telling him to treat it and a get well soon, would've been fine but— worrying up close, doesn't seem like what a normal person would do.

"i'm not worrying! but the wound isn't treated, it can turn out worse, jay." you say, and turn around to go take the first aid kit but a hand wrapping around your arm pulls you back.

"there's no need for that, it's just a minor injury."

"did you get into a fight? there's no way a minor injury can look like this?" you ask him, looking up at his wound then back to his face. it annoys you that he's looking at you with a relaxed smile because you would be crying your ass out for that shit hurting like hell.

"no— no, not a fight, again." he says, and lets go of your arm. "i just kind of fell,"

"fell?!"

"y/n, it's not that deep, i'm fine." he says, stopping you from saying anything more. "really— and you said you're not worrying, to me this definitely looks like you're worrying."

your mouth opens and closes when no words seem to come out of it, immediately embarrassing yourself. you hate yourself for getting easily flustered by him.

you move away and awkwardly look away, avoiding his gaze that's burning into your back. you can practically feel his eyes on your entire body, and damn right you just had to wear the most skin showing nightwear.

"what are you so late for?" he asks, breaking the tense atmosphere created in so little time. you turn around to look at him, and he's leaning against the counter, now with his elbows propped up as he looks at you.

does this man know how fine he is?

"couldn't sleep," you replied and then remembered the reason why you even came downstairs in the first place.

you walk past him to the opposite side of the kitchen, and tiptoe to reach the upper shelf to get the ramen packet you hid just a few days ago, from sunghoon just in case he tries to steal it all.

too bad, that didn't end well for you because now you're struggling to reach the upper part of the cabinet and the fact jay is just watching you was making you embarrassed.

you're not short— you have the average height for every teen your age, it's just the cabinet in the house is just way too high for you. and right now just had to be when your little stool is missing.

jay is trying so hard to not stare at the way your thighs just keep on showing from how your dress is riding up each time you tiptoe more to reach the upper shelf.

pushing himself off the counter, he strides to you and opens the cabinet above you catching you off the guard. his back against yours, and your back against his, you almost passed out at the feeling of his toned chest against your back the only thing separating your bodies are the thin clothings of yours and his.

grabbing the packet, he doesn't move back yet instead he places the packet next to you, on the table making sure his skin is on yours as he places it down. it's making you light-headed, he knows what's he doing and you're liking it.

"you could've just asked for help if you needed it." he says, but almost like an whisper to how close he is next to you.

turning around, his arms traps you in between both arms on each side. the height difference was killing you but the way you're both looking at each other, it's filled with so much of tension.

but two can play at this game, right? again.

your lips turn upwards into a smile and your widened pupils turn into lazier ones, battling your eyelashes at him from underneath. you trail your hand up his firm chest, the ones that were on your back earlier.

and you lean closer, "very thoughtful of you," you say, smiling. "thank you, jay."

with that, you push him aside and take the ramyeon packet with you to the stove area, leaving him completely flustered this time. if he thinks he can play you, you've done this million times before, you're definitely a pro.

a scoff leaves jay before he crosses his arms and goes back to the counter and takes a seat on the lined up stools.

just right before you put the noodles into the water in the pot, under the fire, you turn around to look back at the boy looking just right at you.

"do you want to have ramyeon with me?"

very crucial question that holds various of meanings.

"sure—"

"only on one condition." you cut him off. "get that wound treated."

jay looks at you for a second and then takes off the leather jacket he has on. before replying, his lips curve into a smile as well.

"okay."

A WOMAN AND A MAN eating ramyeon meant two things as far as you were concerned. one, just two normal friends or mutuals having a talk over ramyeon, just a simple thing!

another is two people on a date because person a asking person b to eat ramyeon with them means they're asking the other out, and if they say yes, then they're both going out.

but what happened when you asked jay to eat ramyeon with him was really neither. because one, you're both not friends, nor are you two mutuals. you're both just— unlabeled, cause you both do not act like you're just friends.

friends don't say things that keep them awake the entire night thinking about it, friends don't make each other feel things, giddy, and get butterflies. friends certainly don't just lean up to each other and flirt tremendously.

jay is just your brother's best friend and you are just jay's best friend's sister.

nothing more or nothing less, and that was killing you.

the night you both are ramyeon together, nothing much even happened after that though you were secretly hoping for something to happen.

apart from you both having a mild conversation on how life was after being away from home for college and how's senior life, nothing even happened. not even skinship, that's how it was.

when you asked jay about his social life and dating stuffs, everything he replied seemed so new. you were expecting some type of 'oh nothing new, just sunghoon type of shit'.

but instead you were stunned by his replies.

" so how's college life? sunghoon hasn't mentioned any girlfriend yet," you ask, ignoring the small pang at the mention of jay having a girlfriend. sometimes you just be doing the damage to yourself.

"oh, well— i'm really not into that anymore."

"you're gay?!"

"y/n, no?" jay laughs at your sudden outburst, wishing he could capture the moment when your face is already puffy and the noodles halfway stopped between your pouty lips as you stare at him with big eyes. "i'm not gay, i'm just not interested in commitments at the moment."

"oh,"

"why? are you disappointed?"

"what? that you're not gay?"

"no, that i'm not committed."

"why would i be disappointed about that?" you laugh, waving him off and continue chewing on the noodles.

but his next question makes you choke.

"so you're glad i'm not seeing anyone?"

"WHAT! YOU'RE JUST PUTTING WORDS INTO MY MOUTH!"

jay laughs out loud but you smack the table and he lowers down his wheezing, to the point where he almost falls from the chair he's sitting on.

"it's not funny, stop making fun of me."

"okay, okay."

"so, then you're not into dating and stuff and all?" you ask him, deciding to snoop in more.

"not exactly, i just— don't want to date the wrong person, if that person is not who i want to spend my everything with then dating them is really not worth the time, though college is the time of your life where you just go crazy and have fun because you'll never experience the same thing again but to me, i want this part of my life to be as meaningful as the rest, so i want the right person to do it with."

"did you steal that off a movie?"

"y/n."

"geez i was joking— but uh wow, that's great. i hope you get what you want, and be happy."

"thanks,"

"so you're also saying your only partner at the moment is your hand?"

"Y/N!"

"WHAT IM JUST ASKING?"

"why do you want to know about that!"

"because you said you're not in—"

"that doesn't mean i don't get laid now or then?"

"oh i see….."

"i have my fair amount of one night stands and you know.. but, i meant romantically when i meant committed."

"wait so—"

jay stuffs the poached egg into your mouth right when you open it to speak. your words become muffled and his giggles at you getting angrily cute, according to him!

"no more questions unless you want to get your little crush on me gone."

whatever jay was thinking when he said that night definitely has succeeded into having him invade your mind and staying there, rent free. he hasn't left your mind ever since, even when you're hanging out with your friends all you can think of is him.

if you haven't realized it by now, jay has a charm for making girls starstruck on him. maybe now you can relate to all those girls that literally look at him with big heart eyes.

"y/n!" seeun shoves your shoulder, snapping you out of your dilemma.

"ah yes, you were saying?"

"were you not listening?"

you look away, remaining silent and seeun just sighs really loud.

"you've been distracted ever since i came here!" she says, sulking into her seat and you turn to look at her.

"i'm sorry, i just— something's on my mind and i can't get it out.." you trail off, pouting at her in an attempt to make her stop sulking.

"so what is it?"

"what's what?"

"what's got you thinking like that, that you can't get it out of your mind?"

seeun's question has you sighing as you fall back onto your bed. "im in confusion."

"what's the confusion you're in?" she asks, leaning forward, eyebrows furrowed.

"i think i'm attracted to jay, and i think I want him to be the summer fling i mentioned." when summer started, and when you guys all went on break, you and the rest had a conversation about

"what? y/n, what?"

"i said i think i'm attracted to jay and i want him to be the summer fling."

"are you serious right now?"

"yeah? you already know i'm barely ever interested in anyone else and jay seems to be the only guy that has me feeling stuff and it's summer, like you said, a summer fling. he's a perfect candidate for that."

"no y/n, why jay?" seeun asks, with a weird tone in her question that doesn't sit right with you for some reason.

"why not jay?" you ask her, furrowing your eyebrows, confused as why it can't be jay.

"you know better than anyone else that anyone related to your brother and his friends, or even his friends, is seriously bad news." she reasons. "jay is bad news, y/n, you know it."

"at least he isn't as bad as hoon and jake, seeun…"

"men are men, y/n. you know how they play girls, especially the 02z, things do not end well at all."

"seeun i don't even like him romantically so i don't know what isn't going to 'not end well'." you say, shrugging.

"sooner or later you will y/n, I'm warning you now, there's plenty of other people that can be your summer fling why does it have to be park jay?" she asks, shaking her head at you trying to justify your choice.

"i won't seeun, i know it. it's just summer, it'll be over before you know it, and i'll be going to college after that, it could be great to get any experience before that too— and jay, doesn't seem like too much of a bad idea at all."

"y/n…."

"seeun! it's gonna be fine, you know how i am— why don't you trust me with this? you guys told me to let loose and have fun!"

seeun sighs, knowing she can't talk you out of this especially when you're already hard on your summer fling being jay. she just doesn't get why it has to be him.

"it's that i don't trust you, i just don't trust him."

you chuckle at her, placing your hand on hers, and give her a reassuring smile.

"just— just don't get into any trouble and when the damage is done, don't say i didn't say so…."

after the talk with seeun, you both ended up just watching a movie and when dinner time came around, seeun left before the boys got back home. you didn't understand why she was so worked up over you wanting to have a summer fling with jay, although she was the most hyped when the news of the boys being back in town was mentioned.

you figured it's probably because she's worried that you wouldn't be having much time to spend with the rest during the break because you'd be with jay— that seemed to be the only logical reason as to why she reacted like that earlier.

"you smell like tar, and smoke."

sunghoon scrunches up his nose at the smell radiating off his clothes when he brought his jacket near his nose at your comment.

"oh, i do." he coughs, shaking his head.

"go and shower, it stinks!" you groan, pushing him towards the stairs when he threatens to come near you. "we can watch a movie after dinner!"

"you can't bail out okay? I don't want to hear that you're sleepy—"

"yes sunghoon, yes okay! just get rid of the smell!" you sigh, and he finally leaves without any other argument. you guess they might have been at the racing track from the smell and how exhausted they looked.

as soon as they all got back, jake and jay rushed upstairs to shower and get ready for dinner while as sunghoon lingered around the kitchen where your mom and you were complaining that he smelt like tar and smoke.

it always surprised you how your mom was okay with sunghoon racing, although it's dangerous and not safe at all. perhaps maybe because your dad used to be a racer back when he was in his young adult phase before he tied the knot with your mom and then decided to become an engineer.

you guess maybe your mom thinks he could turn out like your dad, that racing is just a phase in his life before he figured out that it's just a waste of time that he has potential for something else.

you don't know, but whenever sunghoon does racing, your anxiety is always through the roof, hoping he comes back home safe and sound, not a single scratch on his body although that was impossible. accidents always came along with racing, this always gave you and your parents the scare of their lives.

"let's eat!" your mother chirps, calling you to the table as soon as the boys get back downstairs to eat.

dinner went by pretty much fine, except for the most parts you and jay's stares just couldn't leave each other, not that anyone noticed. everyone was too engulfed in your mother's cooking and the conversation going on to care about sunghoon's little sister and his best friend stealing glances too often..

"i'll pick the movie!" sunghoon says, rushing to the living room as soon as everyone's done with dinner. you help your mom with the dishes along with jake while jay and sunghoon went over to pick a movie.

your parents excused themselves, saying they were too tired to join you guys for movie time, which you guys didn't mind at all. if anything, you guys preferred it that way.

sunghoon ended up picking a basic rom-com,, he reasoned his choice with how this girl he hooked up with would not stop talking about the show, so he wanted to see what's the hype with it.

you, jay and jake just agreed with his choice knowing if you guys were to disagree there wouldn't be any other choices to pick from. jake takes the longer couch, laying down almost immediately after winning a scissor, paper, stone with sunghoon.

your brother sprawls out on the floor, with his blanket wrapped around his body and about four pillows surrounding him, including the one under his head too.

that leaves you and jay, standing awkwardly having to choose but to settle down on the smaller yet regular couch. the couch isn't too bad, you can fall asleep on it, the only downside (pro) about it is the limited space.

it's like the couch is perfectly built for two people squished up together. you just sigh quietly and take a seat on one end while jay takes a seat on the other end. you two don't say anything for the most part when the movie starts.

the basic storyline of the movie already has you zoning out, and staring at other objects around the living room halfway into the movie. when you turn to your right you see jay's side profile, and you're starstruck.

you've seen his side profile before but the view you have now is just astonishing. somehow under the dim light of the living room, the only source of light coming from the large hd smart TV in your living room, he looks gorgeous to say the least.

you notice his faint birthmark on his neck, realising how pretty and how perfect it described him. his relaxed yet clenched jaw from focusing on the movie you find yourself smiling at how pretty he looked with his hair down.

"is it interesting?"

you blink and jay's looking at you with a small smirk as he leans in to whisper-ask you.

"huh?"

"you don't seem to find the movie much more interesting compared to my face,"

"uh— what, i wasn't looking," you say, clearing your throat from being caught red handed. "i just happened to turn to my right side and…"

"and?"

"and.. nothing, why are you staring at me?" you ask, turning to face him.

"me? staring at you?"

"yeah, how would you know i'm staring at you then?"

"what? i just felt like someone was staring, i turned and loo—"

"see? you were looking!"

the two of you are stopped by a sleepy jake who groans at the two of you quarreling.

"if you guys are going to argue, keep it down a little…." he slurs before falling back onto the couch and snoring away in his sleep.

jay sighs at his friend and then turns back his attention to the TV while you're left looking between jay and a sleeping jake. guessing he's probably past the argument seeing that his eyes are glued to the tv, you just decided to do the same, continue watching the show although your mind was all about jay.

however as soon as you turn your attention to the tv, your eyes almost widen at the scene ongoing. it just really had to be a steamy scene, especially with the boy beside you, this is a hard take.

taking your bottom lip under your top teeth, you bite on it when the main leads are practically on top of each other, hands all over each other and you try to hide the flustered smile when the actors make out with each other.

your mind was going frenzy at the way the scene was unfolding with your things clasped against the other, trying to hold in the feeling pooling in the pit of your stomach.

something about the scene was making you feel stuff, with the boy next to you, there was no way in your mind you had another image playing.

all unbeknownst to you that jay was watching all along, a smirk placed on his lips at how you were reacting to the scene. he found it— interesting.

jay couldn't help but think about how mature you've gotten over the time he's been away with your brother at college. he wonders if you're even into this type of stuff considering how famous you are among boys at school and whenever you go.

he remembers back to the moment he saw you as soon as you got home on the day they arrived back in town, he couldn't stop looking at you. somehow over the months you had gotten taller, your curves perfectly complemented you, your hair has gotten longer, your voice made him so weak in the knees— everything about you changed.

you are just so gorgeous now he's baffled everytime he sees you. even when you're in your nightwear, face natural— he can't help but think how beautiful you are.

for the better, you've grown into a pretty woman now and that definitely has a totally big effect on him.

jay knows he's wrong for even thinking and seeing you that way, especially when your brother has been his lifelong best friend, so the betrayment sunghoon would feel if he ever found how jay thinks of you would be awful.

but something in him just can't stop seeing you that way, he's been seeing you as the y/n rather than sunghoon's little sister for the longest time ever.

"you're really looking at me now."

jay snaps out of this thoughts at you leaning towards him this time, chuckling at his zoned out expression.

"what?"

"you should take a picture, it'll last longer." you say, looking away back to the movie where the heated scene is still going on. you're thanking every deity out there that sunghoon is also passed out because he would freak out and change the show asap, saying how you're too innocent to watch it all and stuff.

you're a virgin, it's true but— it's not like you didn't know anything of that. all the fanfics you stayed up reading played a big part in that.

"oh i wish i can, y/n." jay replies, leaning backwards onto the couch and pushes his lower half forward which makes your grip on your thigh harder.

god, you just really had to find that attractive.

and you process what he just said.

"but my phone is charging, too bad right?"

another statement that makes your jaw drop, immediately amusing jay. you don't find anything to say, absolutely starstruck at his way of making you speechless.

it's a talent, really.

"are you enjoying the movie?"

i guess, but the movie in my head where the maincast playing that scene is the both of us is so much better though, you wish you could say that, but that can end in two ways.

him agreeing to make it a reality and him storming off calling you a weirdo for seeing him that way.

"uh, yeah, i guess so…" you say instead.

"really? how would you rate it?" you're stunned, you don't know if he's playing with you or not because you're too tongue tied to say anything.

"what are you so flustered for y/n, i'm just asking what do you think about the movie?"

"we're not done with the movie yet so i—" you're cut off the guard and halfway when jay all of a sudden leans in so close to you, making you shut your eyes in reflex, thinking he's coming in for a kiss.

it only takes you a few seconds to realize you're probably the biggest idiot on earth right now when you open your eyes and jay is a few inches away from your lips to collide before he pulls away with something in his hand.

"i can't hear you over the sound," he smirks, shaking the remote in his hand, knowing damn well he's clearly messing with you.

you scoff and cover your lips with your palm, shaking your head in disbelief. you really didn't think he wasn't going to kiss you at the speed he came at.

"were you expecting something else?"

"what? you're being ridiculous— i'm not!"

"is that so? then why'd you close your eyes?"

"i didn't—"

"you're a bad liar," jay sighs, smiling at you being so restless trying to escape whatever he's trying to trap you into.

"you're so annoying." you scoff, and push the pillow of your lap and get off the couch. however just before you could take a step further, you're being tugged back by your hand and you fall back onto the couch— not really the couch, you sure fell onto someone, something.

"a—" you slap your hand against your mouth, shielding a loud yelp from escaping your mouth incase you'd wake up your brother and his friend.

you personally don't think it's a very appropriate and friendly sight for your brother to wake up to his best friend and little sister on top of each other, inches away from their lips colliding.

"what are—"

"shh," jay places his index finger on top of your lips and his finger relaxes at the plump flesh of it, so soft and tender.

you don't say anything except for staying on top of him, with his one arm around your waist, holding you in place and his other against your lips, keeping you silent from waking up the rest when jake starts to move around in his place.

hearts beating against the cages, you both finally sigh of relief when jake's slight snores are heard again. your head falls against jay's slowly and his eyes flicker up to match yours.

jay's grip against your waist becomes firm making butterflies erupt in the pit of your stomach and if you were being honest, it was turning you on at the hand placement and the sudden change in the atmosphere from playful to something more tense.

your mouth opens but closes back when you find words to say, to address the situation before you embarrass yourself again though from the way he's looking at you it's making you dizzy.

"may i touch you?"

"yes," you breathe out.

"you can close your eyes this time."

your heart flutters at his words before a smile takes upon your lips and his when your eyes closed shut and you feel jay pull you closer for a kiss.

it was finally happening.

or was it?

"OH MY GOD!" your eyes snaps open at the sudden scream from a voice that sounded like sunghoon's before you practically fly off the couch and land into the ground with the loudest thud.

so loud that jake himself jolts awake in shock and you're groaning from the sharp pain in your ass while jay jumps off the couch himself.

"dude what the fuck!" jake gasps, rubbing his face from the sudden thud and scream.

sunghoon blinks and looks around, realizing that he woke up the entire living room and perhaps your parents too by the way they're rushing down the stairs, worriedly.

"are you kids alright?! what was that sound!" your mom shrieks, and her gaze immediately falls onto you who's on the ground, rubbing your ass trying to soothe the pain.

"y/n?! what happened?"

you sigh, shaking your head at how fucking embarassing this is. first you think jay was gonna kiss you and you got teased for it when he purposely was messing with you, then you both are actually about to kiss and sunghoon screams like there's no tomorrow in his sleep and then you fall to the floor straight on your ass?

couldn't get any worse to be honest.

"oh— uh i accidentally fell…" you trail off, grabbing onto your mom that helps you to get onto the couch.

"what? did you have a nightmare or something!"

"no, it's sunghoon!" you scoff, pointing to the bleached haired boy who's clearly still in daze, not completely awake from his slumber.

"park sunghoon? why did you scream like you were getting robbed!"

"ah mum…." his voice cracks, rubbing his eyes. "i had a nightmare.."

"you kids are going to be the death of me one day," your mom sighs, shaking her head at the two of her kids, disappointing her even in the middle of the night.

at least you were saving both yours and jay's ass, except your ass is currently in pain.

you look over to jay who's staring back at you with a worried look which makes you sigh.

gosh, you couldn't even get mad at him— how is it fair for him to look cute in a situation where your ass is busted because of him.

"sorry," he mouths to you and you shake your head, looking away and trying to get up but wince in pain.

your parents eventually told you guys to pack it up for the night and head upstairs to sleep, which you guys abided by. jay was clearly trying to apologize to you, hoping you aren't too hurt because he really wasn't trying to hurt you by pushing you away so hard.

if only it wasn't for his best friend to wake up from a nightmare, he would've finally bagged the kiss from the girl he's been crushing on for a lifetime.

rolling into your bed, you couldn't help but place yours finger in your lips, ghosting over the place where jay's lips could've been at.

if only your brother hadn't woken up from a nightmare, you could've kissed the boy you've been trying to court for the summer.

THIN LINE, that's what you're on at the moment and you think you might go insane from how things are for you and jay. it shouldn't even be this much of a big deal to you but the opposite is what it seems like.

after the whole almost kissing and you falling right on your ass fiasco, you don't know if things got better or for the worse between you and the boy you have heart eyes bulging out of your eye sockets for.

what you can definitely say is, whatever tension you both have between the two of you has only gotten more thicker, and stronger. even the slightest eye contact has you biting on your lips to not get swayed by him, and it's the vice versa for him as well.

jay's trying to keep his cool whenever he's around you, and especially in front of sunghoon. the guilt in him only has been building up the more he wants you.

it's a few days into the summer and you've barely gotten it together. even wooyoung has tried to help you by 'just get into a room with him and get freaky!' which you think is totally the entire point of it but you barely even kissed— so that's a miss.

"no seriously, what are you even going to do then?" wooyoung shrikes shaking your shoulder while you just sigh, letting your head fall forward onto his chest. "i'm starting to think this summer will end and you will move out by the time you even get into his pants."

"and i'm starting to think you aren't into choi san anymore,"

you push yourself off wooyoung softly to look up at karina who's chewing on her gum as she walks into the living room, with a glass of cold iced water in her hand.

you think you might need one too at this point.

"that's," wooyoung scoffs, crossing his arms together. "never going to happen. i will get that man and w—"

"i don't want to hear the rest." karina shoves a new piece of gum into his mouth, shutting him up immediately. wooyoung slaps her hand on his face and rolls his face.

"so, y/n?"

you look at the two of them, back and forth as they stare back at you.

"i don't know!" you whine, falling back onto the couch, next to wooyoung who's chewing on his gum loudly that you wish you had a mute button for.

"girl if you really don't do anything any time soon, you can just kiss your chance with his goodbye!" karina says, shrugging. "you know how popular jay is here, and girls are practically lined up for him— YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING!"

you sigh once again, this time looking out the large sliding door which leads outside to the pool and bbq area in your backyard.

"how do i just go up to him and be like 'hey jay, uhm let's kiss! okay, so now uh do you wanna be my summer fling with no attachments like yes let's fuck around for the entire and not catch feelings because im kinda only attracted to you like in that way but like not being mean but catching feelings isn't going to end well in the long run' is that what you want me to say?"

karina and wooyoung just blink profusely, utterly in shock at your long ass reply— totally stunned.

"aren't you lying, what do you mean 'im kinda only attracted to you like in that way' what happened to 'hes the only guy that makes me feel things that other guys don't'?" wooyoung leans forward, putting his index finger up to explain his point.

"yeah, don't you like him already? isn't that why you want to fuck him?"

"you guys make me sound like a whore." you deadpanned.

"that's besides the point," karina tsks, shaking her head. "y/n, don't you like him already?"

"i don't." you actually don't know, you think you don't. feeling stuff like these is common when you're attracted to someone, it doesn't specifically have to be romantically. although somewhere in you is saying you're wrong for that.

wooyoung gives karina a look when you deny her question. "so what, are you gonna like him or something?"

"no," you pause. "i won't, yeah i won't like him in that way. i told you guys, catching feelings for him is not going to end well in the long run."

"when summer is over, leaving is going to be really bad for us, if we catch feelings for each other— and i don't want that mess, so no."

wooyoung shakes his head, unsure of you. he knows you're not the type to catch feelings so easily and commit, in fact, you don't ever date anyone. the last time you dated someone it was in eight grade and it only lasted for a matter of time until park sunghoon found out and made you dump him. that's probably where he developed the whole overprotective of my baby sister agenda.

"okay. if that's what you want, then we won't stop you. but you know, we'll always be here when summer ends and you get your heart broken by accidentally catching feelings for the jay park and having to break off."

"fuck you that's not going to happen, woo."

"w—"

"GUYS." karina stops you both from going into an argument, putting her hands between the two of you. "if y/n is confident she wants this fling without any attachments then let her be so, that's a later thing to worry about. what's important now is,"

"how will you court him?"

before you could answer her, the front door opens and your brother walks in, taking off his jacket while he's on the phone.

"alright dude, see you soon."

when he ends the call, you're intrigued by what he's so smiley at.

"what's the news, you seem to be so happy about it?" you ask, standing up and looking over at your brother whole looks at you with s grin.

"mom and dad aren't going to be home tonight."

"and?"

"everyone's about to experience the best party in town after the longest time."

your jaw drops slack and you stare at him with wide eyes along with the two idiots behind you.

"you're hosting a party?"

"yeah. it's gonna be so sick,"

sunghoon says and rushed upstairs in a blink of an eye. karina pulls you around and back onto the couch, a big smile like your brother's on her face.

"guess what this means?"

"if san is coming i'm gonna look breedable ton—"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"geez okay, so what does this mean?" wooyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes at the both of you cutting him hallway about his little fantasy of getting fucked by his crush.

"it's time to court jay park, y/n."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" jake gasps, almost dropping his beer in the red solo cup he has his fingers wrapped around.

sunghoon bursts into laughter at his friend being shocked by the results he got from a random tarot reading that a random kid decided to do for free in exchange of a blunt. the boys don't question why the random carried around a deck of cards however, as long as it was entertaining.

"dude, why are you so surprised your sex drive is so high? as if you're not self aware?" sunghoon asks, laughing at his friend in utter shock.

"shut the fuck up bro," he whines, shaking his head trying to beat the allegations that's unfortunately true.

"god i don't even want to think about it, you must be going at it like fuckin' rabbits!"

"DUDE SHUT UP!" jake shrieks, standing up from the seat and pushing off sunghoon who seems to be having a hard time with trying to hold back his loud laughter over the music.

"jay, you're not even gonna defend me?"

the mentioned boy looks at his friends after taking a sip from the beer in his hand as well. "no, you can't deny what's true, right jake?"

"you guys suck," he scoffs playfully, and walks off leaving the two to themselves surrounded by wasted people and it hasn't even been two hours since the party started.

sunghoon laughing finally dies down and he takes a deep breath before taking a sip from his cup too, next to his friend.

"jake's ridiculous man," he sighs, smiling at the scene from before that makes him chuckle again before jay gives him up and he shuts up.

"alright fine, i'll stop laughing about it!" sunghoon says, putting his hand up in defense which makes jay shake his head, disappointed when sunghoon slaps his hand against his mouth to hold back a laugh.

"i gotta tell y/n about this, it's so funny like the way he.." sunghoon's words mix along with the blasting music as jay dazes off into a corner when you're mentioned.

come to think of it, he hasn't seen you around for the night and to be honest, it made him a little bummed about being at the party where you aren't. don't get him wrong, he loves his friends and all, but just drinking and talking to his friend gets boring overtime.

he wonders if you're in your room, he didn't see you when he got back home earlier, he figured you're out with your friends. but seeing that there's no sight of you walking into the house from the front door, he thinks you're in your room, preferring to stay away from the crowd.

"dude, you listening?"

"ah, yeah, yeah…" jay replies, trailing off when he sees sunghoon raise his eyebrows up, a look he gave when he doesn't believe what the other is saying.

"really, man?"

"sorry, my bad—"

"you're so out of it ever since we got back in town," sunghoon says, nudging jay's shoulder. "is this really the effect of no pussy?"

"hoon," jay whines, leaning his head back hoping his friend would leave him alone about him not getting laid. it's the topic he dreaded the most with his friends.

"nah man, you really need to get laid. seriously, hasn't it been awhile?"

"sunghoon—"

"get laid dude, tonight. this party is a perfect chance, get with anyone seriously, i saw a hot chick just now, she seemed like your type—"

"do you even know what my type is?" your sister.

"uh, it doesn't matter dude if she can get the job done then it's not a big deal!"

"this sounds like it's a talk for jake," jay says, chuckling when he waits for sunghoon to retort back with a laugh but when he gets no response, he leans back forward to see sunghoon, jaw slacked on the floor staring right into the crowd.

oh.

"d—"

"what's she doing here?"

jay stares back and forth between his friend and the one and only, first love of his. he didn't know she was going to be here, perhaps she was in town too but if she was gonna be here then the boys would've gotten the news earlier.

it must've been a last minute plan, he figures.

"fuck." sunghoon breathes out when the girls walks over him. sunghoon takes a swing on the beer, chugging it all down before hastily shoving the solo cup into jay's hand and gets up.

he grabs the girl's wrist by her hand and disappears into the crowd somewhere. now jay's alone, one probably deep into a random girl adding numbers to his body count and another reconciling with his first love.

and jay well, he's stranded alone— actually not, because with his gaze falling on you almost immediately as soon as he spots you, it makes him drop the two cups, beer spilling onto the ground.

that didn't seem to be his priority when you're making your way towards him now.

"hey,"

"hey," jay says, taking in your presence next to him. sunghoon's right, he's been out of it ever since he got back in town. it wasn't because he wasn't getting laid, it was because of you.

you're making him feel all sorts of things recently, all these past he's had nothing but just a crush on you. a crush where you see your crush and it makes you feel all giddy and on cloud 9. but recently, it's something different.

something that makes him want you, so bad that he can't imagine you being someone else's. someone that irks up something in his when he sees you, wanting to push you against the wall and take you just right there.

"i didn't know you'd be here tonight,"

"is it not my house?"

"yeah but— you know i didn't mean it that way, obviously it's you—"

"jay, i'm just messing with you, relax," you giggle, waving your hand at his face and jay thinks it's the prettiest sound he's ever heard. he's so whipped and it isn't going to end well, especially if sunghoon finds out his own friend knowing how he is with guys around his sister.

jay gives you a smile and gets up from his seat before putting his hand out.

"let's go get drinks."

"I just got here!" you whine, leaning back onto the couch and your dress hikes up your thigh, exposing more skin and he looks away, trying to not do the one thing he promised himself to not do.

get hard because of you and it's really hard for him right now because you really just had to wear the prettiest dress showing off all your curves so perfectly, and the way your legs looked in it, god you're making him go crazy.

"come on," he says, taking your hand in his and pulling you on your feet, you hold onto him with a smile and head over to the kitchen with him.

the both of you walked into the kitchen and passed through the crowd of people and you were secretly glad you couldn't find sunghoon in sight because he'd so crazy at the sight of you and jay holding hands.

"anything in mind?"

you shake your head as you look over the drinks on the aisle. most of them were alcohol, and you weren't really that big fan of it. it's just, okay.

"is coke okay?"

"yeah,"

jay pours coke for you and him, and then hands you the cup. you take a sip from it and the fuzzy feelings send chills down your throat.

"i like your dress."

his comment makes your cheeks flushed and your heart skip. right, good thing he did because you spent about hours to find the perfect dress, just for him.

"thank you, jay."

he gives you a smile, and moves closer. "your hair too, and your eye makeup, it's pretty."

internally screaming WHAT THE FUCKKKKSNDNFMF while keeping your cool with just blushing crazily if the lights weren't dim, you'd look as red as a tomato.

"thank you, again, jay." you chuckle, and give him the smile you try to hold back from how flustered he was making you with his compliments..

"you got so pretty over the months, you've always been pretty but, today, you're so gorgeous."

FUCOSKDKF WHYS THRUCOKKKK WHAT IS THE DOINNNGGGGGG GODDDDD FUCKEKKEKFKF WHATHRUCCKKKKSKNEND DIW HE DRUNK IS HE DIRINK HELLOOOO SEND HELSPPPS RIHHT NOWWWWWWWWWW.

"gosh—" you breathe out, giggling as you lean in and place your head on his shoulder, hiding away the really flustered expression you had on. "thank you for the compliments, i appreciate it, jay, really."

he doesn't say anything except for just chuckling and then drinking his coke. with the last swing of coke, he places the cup down when you're done as well.

you both just look around in silence, the loud music blasting through the entire house silencing out the chatting in the crowd.

"do—" you speak up, looking at up. he looks back at you curiously, pupils dilated with his eyebrows furrowed and god, he was making you nervous. "do you wanna go somewhere else?"

"are you uncomfortable, is eve—"

"ah, uhm, i just— it's too loud in here, i can't focus on you."

jay tries to not gasp at your words that make his heart skip and mind go frenzy.

"oh, uh, sure." he says and you give him a smile before taking his hand in yours, fingers intertwined and pulling him away. your brother was still nowhere in sight and you couldn't thank him enough for that.

hands in each other, you both go up the stairs and jay figures you're taking him to your room when you make a swift left through the corridor and he's right when you unlock the door to your room.

he walks in behind you and when you shut the door and lock it, he just stares at you confused. he doesn't have any plans for anything, but it's good if sunghoon just barges in out of nowhere. in his entirety of being sunghoon's best friend and being over at your house, he sure knows sunghoon has a habit for not knocking when he walks into your room.

you turn around to see jay looking over you, with a small smile and a confused look.

"oh, you should take a seat!"

you say, and push him towards the edge of your bed by your desk. he takes a seat and you sit infront of him on your chair from your desk.

it's a little awkward at first but jay clears the air by looking around your room. he barely comes in here, it's a restricted zone in your home, sunghoon never allows anyone in here, and you don't allow anyone except for your friends.

he examines the room and it's not that different from what he had imagined, it just screams you. other than the interiors and your room in white, there's a few decos that attract him attention. the wall of pictures and polaroids of you and your friends and family.

there's childhood pictures of you and sunghoon on the wall where you both are dressed up as a lion and tiger, smiling brightly at the camera in complete cuteness.

jay smiles at how cute you are and how ridiculous sunghoon looks, if he ever got a hold of this, sunghoon would never hear the end of jay teasing him.

then he notices a poster— of Jungkook from BTS. and then a few albums stacked under it and a lightstick, then a cooky pillow on your bed. wow, he figures you might be a fan of BTS by the looks of it.

"so, you like jungkook?"

you look up almost immediately at the mention of the love of your life. "yes?! is that even a question?"

jay smiles at how cute you are when you're so interested in the topic he's discussing.

"wow, so much?"

"he's literally my lover, it's a given that i like him that much." you say, giggling as you slump back into your seat. "do you, like him?"

"i guess you can say so, i have a few of their songs in my playlist," jay says, chuckling when you gasp. "do you have a few suggestions that you think i can add to my playlist?"

"thanks for asking, i indeed do!" you say, smiling and jay laughs, lensing forward. he pulls the chair closer to the bed catching you by surprise, but you're flustered at how close you both are now, knees against each other and giggling.

"should we get started then?" you ask, smirking at jay who gives you an ecstatic laugh and then continues to hear you out.

and you both spent the rest of the night, talking about the things you both enjoy, and find out that you two have a lot in common. the thought of courting him honestly just disappears into the back of your mind, goes forgotten.

by the end of it, jay says he should leave, sunghoon would be finding for him (which he didn't because he was missing), and you heavy heartedly had to say goodbye, and a see you later.

but before he left you gave him a small peck on his cheek that neither of you expected to happen but the small peck made the entire night for the both of you that even then next morning when your friends were crying why weren't you both deep inches in each other, you couldn't get the blushing away because of the peck.

"the way these two could have been finally kissing but they were talking about y/n's stupid attraction for jungkook." wooyoung sighs, shaking his head.

you slam his head with a knock that has him screaming back at you for knocking him but you scoff, "fuck you, my love for jungkook is not stupid!"

"okay can you both calm down—" you cut off karina but give her an attitude as well.

"you guys shouldn't even be having this tantrum, when you guys promised to show up but y'all weren't even there!"

the rest of them go silent at your statement, clearly making him feel guilty.

"uhm so anyways!" wooyoung says, putting his hand up. "there's a party tonight, again."

"im not going anywhere—"

"i never said we're going"

"you were about to rig—"

"oh my god, you guys need to stop fighting!" seeun yells, putting her hands out to stop both karina and wooyoung fighting. you slump into the couch, shaking your head at your friends.

"so what now? what are we going to do about her, at this rate summer is gonna end." wooyoung says, shrugging.

"nothing, i'll figure out something or fuck that— you guys should probably leave, didn't you say you're heading out for dinner?" you ask, looking over at karina. she gasp when she realises it's time for her dinner with her parents, so she hurries out of the door with a goodbye to everyone.

not long after karina's departure, wooyoung and seeun also leave, bidding you goodbye and leaving you alone in your house, sweaty from the heatwave outside.

it's so unbelievably hot, a thin layer of sweat covered on your skin despite wearing a spaghetti strap and shorts. you opted for the outifts that would help you with the heatwave, but the warmth is still the same, you're still sweating.

and at times like this, ice cream will always be a saviour. you head over into your kitchen, opening the refrigerator and then the freezer to get out the ice cream container, feeling it heavy and your fingers getting numb at the coldness.

setting it on the aisle, you open the cover and heart eyes basically bulge out of your eye sockets at how glorifying the ice cream looked like in this hot weather. nothing more can you ask for.

you grab a spoon and stab it into the ice cream, ready to dig in but the spoon falls out of your hand and a faint crescent mark is formed on the top layer of the ice cream.

"fuck…." you sigh, realising it's going to take awhile to defrost. regardless you just kept on poking the ice cream with the steel spoon, grunting when your hand freezes and wrist hurts.

"ah…" you whine, frustrated and tired, and most importantly sweaty.

"uhm, am i interrupting something…?"

you look up from the ice cream tub to see jake peeking into the kitchen, looking at you confused and a sly smirk on his lips.

"no?" you reply, gripping onto the spoon again when your hand is ready to stab the ice cream once again.

"it sounded like something," he says, shrugging as he approaches you. "like what, jake?" you ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

"you wanna know, y/n?"

"she doesn't," a voice speaks up and you see jay leaning against the door frame, staring at the two of you like he wants to knock jake's head. "pretty sunghoon doesn't want to either if he finds out what you're doing,"

jake rolls his eyes at jay for cockblocking him. "chill out dude, it's just a joke."

before jay could do anything, you cut the two of them off and asked jake, "are you gonna tell me what's something or do i need to knock you out with this spoon?"

"it sounded like you were finally getting dicked down."

"WHAT?" you shriek and slap your hand against your mouth, looking back and forth at the double Js.

jay kicks jake in his calf, making the poor boy cry out in agony at the pain. "dude what the fuck!"

"it's just a joke!" he says, smirking at the other and a smile grows on your lips when you see the bigger picture.

is he really….?

jake puts up a middle finger at his friend before turning to you. "but if you ever want to get dicked down, you have my n— okay fine! for god's fucking sake dude!" jake's sentence is short lived when jay threatens to kick him in the exact spot one more time to make him leave.

limping off to the living room to wait for sunghoon to be back from his disappearance, the two of you are the only ones in the kitchen.

the smile you're holding back so much grows even more when jay turns to you, taking the spoon out from your hand and then scoops the now melting ice cream, and pushes you aside.

"what are you doing?" you ask him, with a sly smile on your face as you lean forward on the aisle, looking at him while he does the ice cream scooping.

"scooping the ice cream for you?"

"why? i can do it myself,"

"i know you can," jay says, and puts the spoon down when he's done. "i just don't want jake to say that shit again."

"what? that i sound like i'm getting dicked down?" jay's stare immediately meets yours when you ask him the question, sending chills down your spine.

"yes," he admits. "is that a problem?"

"why does it bother you if jake thinks i'm getting dicked down? or if he's the one fucking me down— in fact he even said 'finally getting dicked down?' what's that supposed to mean, i've been dicked down before, i have been touched before so why does it bother you two!"

"because it does."

"exactly, who does it bother you, jay?" you ask him, straightening your back and moving closer to jay who's staring at you with the most annoyed expression. he doesn't ever look like this unless he's jealous.

unless he is….

"it bothers me because i don't like people taking what's mine,"

you don't know how to react, you've only ever read this in those smutty heated romance novels and movies, now that it's happening to you, you finally understand why those main leads go frozen.

though you have one thing to say.

"i'm not yours, jay."

"you've been mine since day one," he says, pushing backwards towards the wall. "and i don't want to hear about anyone that has ever touched you before me, if it isn't clear yet."

trapping you between the wall, he grips on your waist, and another on the side of your head while he looks down on you. if he wasn't so annoyed right now, he would've just called you unbelievably cute from how you're staring up at him with those starry eyes.

"the moment you've let me touch you, you were mine." he says, and you were silently thanking every deity out there jay got jealous because of jake and you've finally gotten this chance.

but on a normal day, if this wasn't jay saying this, you would've gagged at the cheesy line, so extremely corny as if it's out of some fanfiction that someone in their young adult phase write.

you take his hand off the wall next to you and place it on your waist, and then look up at him.

"touch me."

that was all it took for jay to pull you in and connect his lips with yours. he doesn't know what he was expecting but what you gave him was beyond the expectations.

it was truly amazing. fireworks erupting, butterflies going crazy in the pit of your stomachs, funny feelings in your check and minds frenzy, the kiss was fucking hot.

you're pressing against him with your back on the wall as your back arched slightly when your hips rut against his at your submission. if someone had told you this would've happened to you a long time ago, you would've never believed them.

before you could slip your hands under his shirt, his hand beats you to it when you feel his warm hand against your skin under the back of your top which makes you gasp slightly. jay takes that opportunity to bite your bottom slightly, causing you to accidentally moan.

"dude, have you seen my sister?"

"she's in the kitchen with jay,"

your eyes snap open at the footsteps nearing the kitchen making you push jay away as quick as you could, catching him by surprise.

"fuck," you pant, both from shock, panic and out of breath from kissing jay. "s-sunghoon!" you gasp, pointing at the kitchen and jay finally realises what's going on.

standing across from you in the opposite of the kitchen, jay and you both fix your hair, straightening out your clothes and trying to make sure your faces don't look too flustered from the make out session.

sunghoon finally walks into the kitchen and looks at you wide eyed as if he'd actually caught the two of you red handed. he points his finger at you and it makes your soul leave your body just at the thought of him catching you both, until he speaks up.

"y/n." he says, and stares at you. "what do girls like on their actual first dates?"

jay and you let out a sigh of relief when sunghoon asks something else that isn't related to what you both had feared for.

"sunghoon, are you kidding me?"

"what? i'm asking you a question what do g—"

"is that why you ran all the way here for?" you scoff, crossing your arms and annoyed at the thought of how you and jay could've gone further than just a kiss.

"what's wrong with that? you're acting like i caught you my best friend smooching off each others face," sunghoon deadpans you swore you never froze so quickly ever. good thing, sunghoon was always never a quick witted child, so your reactions wasn't too obvious for him though it would've been for any normal person.

"so what do girls like on actual first dates?"

before you could say anything, sunghoon cuts you off real quick.

"wait," he stops, and clutches his crotch which makes you glare at him in disgust. "i need to piss, don't go anywhere, stay here"

with that, he leaves you and jay in the kitchen and you turn to look at him, cheeks flustered and hearts beating again.

"i'm not done with you yet," jay says and leaves the kitchen after giving you a eyebrow raise which makes you want to fall to the ground if it wasn't the wall you were leaning into.

the ice cream he scooped for you long forgotten in the kitchen when you're touching your lips again, this time, with a bright smile and a heartwarming feeling lingering in the air only before your brother came back.

"ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL? WHAT THE FUCK!"

yup, those were the very expected reactions you expected from your friends when you told them the big news!

"so is this like a joke or are you actually being for real?" wooyoung asks, again but this time after spitting out his drink and gaining weird looks from the other people around you guys in the diner.

"yes wooyoung. i am being for real, what does it take for you to believe me?" you ask, sighing at him for asking you the same question again and again out of disbelief.

honestly you couldn't blame him, when you woke up the next morning, you were so dazed that you thought you were dreaming until you got a smirk from jay when you caught him walking out of the bathroom in the hallway shirtless with a towel around his neck.

and god did it make your pussy throb, maybe you just had issues.

"i don't know, maybe demonstrate it again with your lover boy?" you gasp at wooyoung's absurd comment, shooting him a glare.

"so, where do you guys go from here? any talking or just straight up heated sex?" karina asks and you're speechless.

sometimes you wished your friends had filters whenever something came out of their mouths.

"uhm, i don't know. we just kissed and he said he's not done with me yet so that question, the answer is only with him." you say, shaking your head before taking a sip from your smoothie.

"well, i'm hoping you get dicked down finally. like it's been years."

you roll your eyes at wooyoung, "now you sound like jake and," you pause. "it hasn't been years, seriously the last time was like two years ago?"

"and it wasn't even a proper dicked down, y/n" wooyoung chuckles but stops himself when you glare at him, again!

"i was still dicked down."

"uhm, the most you guys did was him getting his dick in you but freaking out because he literally pulled out and came even before he moved— so, sure if that counts."

karina and you stare at wooyoung in absolute disgust and awe.

"why the fuck do you even remember that?" karina asks, gagging at the memory of you telling them with tears streaming down your face two years ago, when the guy that liked you, which you decided to give a chance to.

worst mistake of your life, if you had to admit.

"stop, he's so weird for that i'm glad i cut him off and sunghoon literally got detention and a black eye for almost beating the shit out of him." you say, rubbing your temple at the memory.

you remember how fuelled your brother was when he found out the kid made you cry, now you're thinking how he's going to react if he ever finds out that you and jay made out.

his own sister and bestfriend going behind his back— but again, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

"talking about sunghoon, i heard a thing about jay." karina speaks up, which perks your attention from your thoughts.

"what does y/n’s loverboy has to do with her brother?"

"is he not his bestfriend, you fucking idiot?"

"oh yeah, damn sorry my bad!"

"rina, what did you hear about him?" you ask, ignoring the small quarreling between the both of them which makes the two bite their lips and throw a look at each other.

"guys," you whine, a smile taking over your lips when you realize they're teasing you for being so eager to know about jay.

"fine, i was saying i heard a thing from someone where they said," karina says, leaning in. "they said that only jay out of the 02z has never let anyone into his racing car,"

"what type of rumor is that?" wooyoung asks, shaking his head, confused why would that be an issue in the first place.

"i guess it means, no one has ever been in there so it probably means none of his flings or any romantic relationship he has ever had with anyone is that serious, considering even any of his past exes have even been in his car?"

"oh," wooyoung replies, leaning backwards. "what about the 02z?"

"i don't know, maybe they have maybe they haven't either, but i heard that he doesn't let anyone into his car." she says, and you nod, realizing that sunghoon has once mentioned it but you've never been interested in it.

"y/n, you think you can beat that rumor?"

"what?" you laugh, "what does that have to do with me?"

"uhm, everything? sometimes you're just so dense."

"you're the one that's stupid here?" you scoff, glaring at wooyoung which he glares back at for because you called him stupid.

"god, do you guys EVER stop fighting?" you look at seeun next to you, and shut up immediately. you're only realizing she's been silent the entire time you guys got here.

you don't ask her anything though, after her scolding you guys, the two of them went back to teasing you about jay and the night just ended like that which led to you coming back home late, after karina dropped you off.

when you got back, the house was quite silent except for the small bickering coming from sunghoon's room. you just decided to slip back into your room but just before you could, you stopped when you heated something that irked you up.

"dude, she just texted me that she's back in town," you heard jake say, but you couldn't see anything which you chose to assume that he was showing his phone when they all went silent.

"oh my god!" you hear sunghoon gasp, and there's a small silence before you hear jake and sunghoon cheer.

"dude holy shit, it's been awhile, we should all like— gather up and have a reunion or something." jake says. "what about a party after the next race."

jay groans and disagrees with the rest.

"are you guys not sick of these parties, the entire summer is gonna be wasted away with just parties, i gotta go visit my parents soon. " he says and you hear shuffling.

"summer is all about partying and having fun man— are you not excited to see mai again? it's been like a few years."

"why should i be exited to see her, again?"

mai, it sounds familiar but you don't choose to ponder about it until jake asks jay something.

"dude, why aren't you? your hot first love is finally back in town again and you're not even existed for a possible best fuck again?"

for some reason, your heart sinks at the question. you know it shouldn't but it does and it makes you feel so— weird. like a disappointed feeling grows in you.

"she's not my first love, i never even liked her. "

"you dated her, does that not mean anything? and even if she wasn't yours, you were still his. you guys are still the talk of the town!"

you don't listen to the conversation anymore, having a small feeling in you that if you listened further the weird feeling in you would even get worse.

you're not sure why such a feeling is even hurried in you and why you're so sad about it when the most you've both done is just make out. it can totally mean nothing, and a summer fling is not even that big of a deal.

so just taking a quick shower and then falling asleep seemed to be a better option than to overthink and hurt your own feelings.

the next morning was quite tiring since you couldn't really get much sleep the night before. you headed down for breakfast and got back upstairs before you could bump into anyone after remembering the conversation between the boys from the night earlier.

the rest of the day went by after you proceed to occupy yourself with catching up on jungkook updates than worry about jay and whoever mai was.

and then more days went by and it's been a complete week since you even saw any of them which made the entire conversation thing go forgotten by you.

so when wooyoung, karina and seeun dragged you to a party where you absolutely didn't know jay and his friends were at, you were stunned to see him in the circle of the room everyone was gathered in to play hide and seek.

and of course, you just had to get a seat next to him after wooyoung and karina forcefully pushed you to the absolute opposite of where they sat.

"hey,"

you turn to look at him, a smile already on your lips sure that it's mostly the alcohol in your system that's working. you didn't know what convinced you to get drunk tonight, maybe it was wooyoung's influence or anything but you were glad you're still sober enough to absorb everything that's going on.

"hey," you reply back and jay smiles at you, moving closer to you.

"sunghoon is right next to you." he is three seats away.

"so?"

you don't reply anything back when the host announces that sunghoon is the seeker along with another girl who seemed to be overjoyed she was going to be the seeker which sunghoon.

"you will be given approximately two to three minutes to hide before sunghoon and seri starts seeking!" the host announces and everyone gets up from their seats, leaving their cups in the room by their seats.

you mouth at wooyoung and karina to wait for you but they both turned away, pretending to have not seen that. you couldn't resort to seeun either, she wasn't even in the game, because she said she'd rather just talk to someone else than join the fun.

"and the game starts…… now!"

you rush out of the room along with everyone, most of them chose to hide downstairs so you chose upstairs would be easier to hide since a few spots would be vacant.

"why are you following me?"

you turn around with your arms crossed, looking at a jay who obviously seemed to be following behind you but with his nonchalant look and hands tucked in his leather jacket, it was too obvious.

"i'm not."

"you are!"

"i'm not, y/n."

"whatever," you shrug off and run off into a room when jay chases after you. when you guess he isn't catching up with you anymore, you run into an empty room which you assume it's someone's bedroom.

obviously hiding under the bed would be a stupid idea, but when you glanced at the watch on your wrist, you realise the three minutes were about to be over.

so you took an even more stupid idea, you hid yourself inside the closet but it was hidden in the back of the room, so if the seeker wasn't too stupid, like your brother— then you'd be safe.

as soon as you shut the door close, the door opens back and someone jumps into the closet next to you, shutting it close.

"w—"

"don't yell at me!" you realise it's jay and you calm down, but still mad that he followed you to your hiding spot. now you're both gonna be found.

"why are you here! this is my hiding spot!" you hiss a him, a pout on your lips but it was too dim to be noticed.

"you don't own this spot! i'm allowed to hide here too!" jay hisses back, frowning at you yelling at him. whisper-yelling more likely.

"i came here first!"

"okay and?"

"fine i'll leave then!" you move to open the door but jay stops you with holding your wrist, catching you for the guard.

"what are you doing! you'll get caught if you leave now and when you do you'll have to do the punishment, you'll black out y/n!"

"h—" you stop your sentence midway when you hear a loud yell echo throughout the house.

"THE SEEKING HAS NOW BEGUN."

you both freeze in your spot and jay moves in closer so when the seeker opens the closet door, he isn't the first thing they find.

so close that he is practically on top of you. if he looked down, he could see your entire cleavage from the low cut of the top you had on.

which he did when he accidentally looked down but your head fell against his chest as you were heaving for breath from the running earlier. biting his lips he prays you don't feel the growing hardness between his thighs in the tight space.

you're not too oblivious either, it's clear to you that you're both hidden in the tight space where you're both practically on top of each other. and when your head falls against his chest, you could feel his abdomen that you try so hard to not make another heartbeat happen that isn't your heart.

the same situation reminds you of the situation when you and jay ate ramen together, in the kitchen, that night.

you try to find something to focus on in the darkness that now you can see around in after your eyes adjusted to the darkness, to distract yourself from the fact you're basically inches close to the guy you just made out with a week ago.

before you could do anything else, the room door bursts open and you hear footsteps around the room which makes you and jay look at each other frightened.

"god, where the fuck is everyone?"

fuck, why does it have to be sunghoon?

jay holds you closer to hide further, afraid sunghoon might open the closet door and be welcomed with his best friend and sister hugging like there's no tomorrow if he looked more in.

"ugh, i'm already wasted enough—" his voice is cut when the door shuts which you both assume that he left the room when his footsteps also faded away.

you've never been more relieved that sunghoon is drunk for once, glad that it didn't occur to him that he should check the closet before he left.

"you can let go of me, now" you say, but it sounded more like a whisper at how small it came out than you intended to.

but just as you said that your head fell back and almost hit the closet's wall if it wasn't for jay having his hand behind your head, protecting it than your head hitting it.

your heart for some reason flutters when you realise he must've had it there for a while now since you didn't feel his arm move when you leaned back.

"i think it's better if i hold you until the game is over," he says, and you could feel his breath fanning over your neck when he spoke. "it's pretty small here, you could hurt yourself again."

you bite your lips, holding back a squeal. he probably watches dramas or reads romance novels, where the fuck did he learn to speak like this, gosh!

and luck didn't seem to be on your side when you try to lean back, again but a hanger in the box behind your back pokes you right on your lower back, just right below where jay was holding you at.

"fuck!" you whine out, unexpectedly loud which catches jay by surprise.

"shit, did you hurt yourself?" you didn't hear the 'i told you so' tone when he asked you that, instead you sensed he was actually worried from the tone he asked you in.

"uhm— yeah," you admit, embarrassed that you just had to hurt yourself as soon as jay said that.

"just stay still," he whispers and his hand goes down to where you got jabbed at. "does it hurt here?"

your eyes widen when his hand accidentally slides past the slope of your ass but still lands right above it, perfectly on the hurting spot.

"yeah," you say, nodding slowly and jay just rubs over it, soothing out the pain for you. eventually it leaves sooner than you expected but you don't say anything, you just liked the feeling of jay touching you so you just left that at it.

a few minutes go by and you're both bored out of your mind, wondering if anyone was ever even found but too scared to leave the tiny spot in case you'd both lose.

the space was already small to begin with so sticking against each other wasn't really helping with the tenparture too. at this rate you were beginning to sweat and it was bothering you.

"ugh, it's so fucking hot in here— im sweating." you whine, softly making sure to not make too much sound as you turn around but jay stops you by clutching you around your waist.

"don't move."

"what? why?"

"just don't move!" he hisses at you, leaving you confused as to why he isn't letting you move.

"jay, it's hot i'm literally sweating,"

"i know— just, just don't move." he says, holding you in place but you're too stubborn for that. sighing, you move around anyway which makes your back meet his front and you immediately find out why he stopped you from moving.

you hear jay mutter a string of cuss words under his breath when something hard practically pokes at your lower back, just right next to the spot where you got jabbed earlier.

"i told you not to move, y/n. you never listen,"

"uhm, sorry i— i didn't know," you say, unsure of how to address the situation. was he seriously hard over the fact you're practically sticking on him, or because of how small the closet is.

you're not sure, but what's clear is he's definitely hard because of you and boy, were you having a field day because of it.

deciding to run with it, you purposely throw your head back, onto his shoulder and then shoot a short smirk his way which he's too distracted on his hardness to realise. you were already slightly intoxicated, but if you were to blame what made you act up now it'll definitely do wonders.

the intoxicating thoughts just made things worse in your case, the lewd thoughts of how your ass was practically in between jay's crotch is beyond you, it honestly felt like you were dreaming.

you shift slightly which jay immediately holds you back for, "stop moving y/n, please "

oh, he was willing to beg? that's great!

you move your body backwards even more, urging to push him to his limits. exactly what you needed and wanted from him, is to snap.

"y/n, stop it."

"i'm not doing anything!"

"you know what you're doing, you're not dumb."

"i don't know what you're talk—"

he spins you around in a swift, and holds you tightly, that you're unable to move around in.

"do it one more time, and i won't be able to hold myself back."

a smirk grows on your lips when you realize you've pushed the right button indeed, he's finally snapped.

"i'm not asking you to."

none of you have to say anything anymore for him to pull you in and your both lips colliding onto each other's, moving against each other. jay licked your bottom lip, humming at the taste of your lip balm, cherry, good choice.

you wrap your arms around his neck as he slides his arm around your waist and another explores your body, shamelessly. you weren't going to lie if you say your panties weren't soaked.

whatever effect jay had on you seemed to be sickening because of how bad you're down for him.

he pulls away by surprise, bursting the closet door open and dragging you out by your arm. lips swollen, hair messed up and dazed looks on your faces, he pushes you against the door, making sure to not hurt you.

trapping you between his hold, jay locks the door in a swift and then turns to focus on you.

"i said i wouldn't be able to hold myself back," he breathes and if it wasn't for your self control, you would've come there itself from the way he's looking at you while catching his breath.

"and, i told you i wasn't done with you yet."

you open your mouth to say something, to finalize it all and pull jay by shirt back into the kiss again, until the door bursts open despite the fact you both thought jay had locked it.

in a second, jay pushes you behind the door and stands before it when the person who walked in sees him standing there.

"dude what the fuck, we thought you left!"

you sigh in relief when you hear jake's voice, thanking the god's it wasn't your brother again. but the annoyed feeling takes over when you realiszd he just fucked up your chance of getting railed by his bestfriend, after all the pent up tension and the movie material scenes— all to waste, just like that!

"oh, uhm— no, i didn't! what? so is the game over?" jay stutters and you smile at the thought of him getting flustered and caught red handed.

"yeah b— why are you flustered?"

jay starts to laugh, shaking his head. "nothing dude, just surprised you walked in when i was about to head out."

you see jay's gaze fall on you and then back to jake, who you couldn't really see from the door blocking your sight.

"nah, that's too….. fishy— oh my god. wait, don't tell me," jake gasps, and then looks around frantically. your eyes widens and you immediately cover your mouth from any sound escaping as your heart rate picks up. "don't tell me you got someone in here,"

jay immediately pushes him out the door, and laughs in the most awkward way you've ever heard someone laugh in, "you're tripping, let's get outta here. at least we didn't lose hahahaha!"

shoving his best friend out of the door, jay mouths a 'sorry' at you and then leaves in a second. you scoff at what had just happened, raging the inner demon in you.

this is the second time you've both got cockblocked, you're starting to wonder when were you both ever going to even get together, but by the looks of it— it's probably never going to happen.

"fuck," you sigh, shaking your head in dissapointment before walking out. you head down the stairs and spot jay with sunghoon and jake, too engulfed in their conversations to even bother about their surroundings.

you look around for your friends but no one is nowhere to be found, you're guessing either they are passed out somewhere or already back home, enjoying peace instead of this crowded place smelling like sex in the air and pure alcohol.

you try to pass by a group of people, sweaty bodies against each other and you try to not scrunch up your face in disgust, but in the midst of that, you accidentally bump past someone, immediately making them knock over their drink.

"holy shit, oh my god— i'm sorry!" you gasp, immediately crouching down to pick up the cup and bite your lip as you examine the carpeted floor being coated in whatever the drink they had previously in the now emptied cup.

"wait, no it's my fault, i'm sorry i wasn't watching where i was going!"

for some reason you recognized the voice all too well, and then you look up and you're completely lost at words.

what the fuck was lee heeseung doing here?

your mouth falls open and so does his.

"o-oh my god, Y/N?" he chuckles, furrowing his eyebrows as he points his finger at you in confusion.

"heeseung? what are you doing here?" you ask, still staring at him in shock. no, but you were actually stunned because what's he doing here instead of being at NYU with his girlfriend?

"that's an interesting way to ask how have you been? thanks for asking, i'm great!" he laughs, shaking his head slightly.

"oh uh— my bad!" you grimace, and immediately apologizing at your rude manners. the alcohol in your system isn't doing wonders anymore, not much justice either.

heeseung chuckles at your mistake, giving you a bright smile that complimented his perfect 32's, the braces he had back then showing the results so greatly.

"oh my, where are my manners? here," heeseung says, realizing you're both still on the ground before he puts out his hand for you and you gladly take it as you both get up.

"i'm so sorry— for the drink. i wasn't seeing where i was going, a little tipsy too, so it was completely my fault." you blabber which heeseung finds cute for his liking.

"no y/n, don't dwell on it. it's my fault as well for being too careless, so don't sweat it!"

you smile at him, and then the both of you laugh at the silence being too awkward all of a sudden.

"you should get a refill, if you'd like?" you say, pointing at the cup he's now holding, and then to the kitchen behind your back.

"yeah, sure!"

the two of you walk over to the kitchen and you help heeseung with his drink as an apology for spilling it which he reassures you is really fine.

"so, you're back in town for the semester as well?" you ask heeseung, watching him gulp down the first sip and then he gives you a short smile before answering.

"actually, i just graduated."

"oh my god, really? that's great news, congrats!"

"thanks, y/n." he says, smiling at you sheepishly. "i'll be starting my first residency in about a month at a university hospital back in New York."

"oh i see, that's really great." you say, nodding.

"and what about your girlfriend? i haven't gotten a marriage invitation from you guys, still waiting for it!" you laugh jokingly but heeseung deadpans in your face making you stop almost in a heartbeat.

"we're not seeing each other anymore."

your silence happens to be too deafening so heeseung chuckles in order to break it. he puts his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb on your hand to assure you not to worry about it.

"it's fine, we never really saw it coming as well, so it's pretty much a shock to everyone who found out…."

you just nod, chuckling awkwardly like jay did earlier. "i'm sorry for.." you trail off not knowing to show your condolences.

it wasn't like she or heeseung lost feelings for him or something, both of them would be fucking crazy to do that.

"it's fine. things fell out between us, i think she lost feelings along the w—"

your loud gasp cuts heeseung halfway, leaving him hanging staring at you in shock. your eyes widens when you realize you gasped out loudly, which you gasp at once again.

"oh my god— fuck," you sigh, apologizing profusely at heeseung. you were _really_ embarrassing yourself at this point, you didn't know how worse it was going to get after this.

"i'm guessing you're really….. shocked huh?" heeseung laughs and you shake your head in embarrassment.

how would you have known that your guess would've been true. so, heeseung's ex is indeed fucking crazy.

"how can she? i mean, you're everyone's dream guy so how did she even…" you ask, feeling sorry for heeseung who's before you.

you're right however, heeseung had always been everyone's dream guy. an old friend of yours and your brother's, an ex senior from your school as well.

it's no surprise that everyone loved him, the same type of love that everyone loves your brother like, but more. heeseung was and has always been the blueprint, everyone's it boy.

he lacks almost nothing, gorgeous looks, a smart brain that got him into NYU with a scholarship, he's loaded enough to afford a Porsche each month, and all other stuff that everyone admires him so much for.

you did admire him at one point too, maybe even had a teeny tiny crush on him for the time he danced with you at a birthday party when your supposed partner was supposed to but he was too busy smashing his face in another girl's face.

he stepped up to you and told you he'd dance with you, with the dreamiest smile on his face and the most charming persona enough to have hooked under his spell.

until she came into the picture and they hit off like a perfect match. the high school sweethearts that moved to college together and everyone was expecting them to get married.

"it happens, when you're too used to someone you eventually get tired of them, no matter how much you love them— it gets boring and it doesn't give you the very same spark it does when it's fresh and brand new."

"but then again, i don't think i can ever move on from something that was never supposed to end."

(a/n : YESSSS AFTERGLOW HEESEUNG CAMEO!!!!!)

his voice sounds dull, you feel sorry for him. the sigh he lets out is filled with so much agony and heartbreak you're guessing he's not over it. who would be, decades worth of love and time all wasted over his past lover losing feelings for him, such a loss.

"heeseung… i'm sorry for that, really. you deserve so much better than that." you say, this time you rub your finger over his hand, comforting him.

"she had always been the better, but i guess— for her to lose feelings, i was probably never the better for her."

you sigh at his misery, just hoping he doesn't feel too down for the rest of the night.

"it's in the past, things will get better for you heeseung, it's not the end of the world. you're still young, there's still more beautiful things waiting to bloom for you!"

heeseung chuckles slightly, smiling at you as he looks up at you with the same dreamy eyes he gave you the first time he had you hooked.

"you're so wise. it's lovely." he smiles. "i almost forgot, you look great tonight! it's really been awhile, you've gotten more beautiful over the years."

you giggle, shaking your head. "thank you heeseung, the same goes for you too!"

heeseung himself had definitely gotten more handsome over the years, the only downside is medical school must've played a big role in the eye bags under his eyes but it's really not too noticeable.

"oh, _i_ almost forgot, does sunghoon know you're back?"

"how can he not? he was so overjoyed to see me back, i missed him more than i thought," heeseung says, and then looking over past the crowd to the 02z, they're still not moved, still talking but the only difference is jay is seated in the middle staring right back at the two of you with daggers.

you're caught by surprise, but you don't say anything, enjoying the building tension once again.

"and met the boys again too, they've grown up alot than the last time, i saw them." heeseung says and his words just turn into another one of the background noises when your gaze stays put on jay's.

he must've been watching it all this while then.

"i should leave now, it's getting quite late. got a few plans tomorrow,"

you turn to face heeseung again when he gets up, and your hold in his doesn't depart as you get up from your seat as well.

"i see," you say, smiling at him back. "if you're free anytime over the summer, i'm one call away. i still use the old number.

"sure, im one call away too, if you wanna hang anytime." he says, and then pulls you in for a goodbye hug. you take this chance to look over his shoulder, at jay but it surprises you when you see jay walking over with the most annoyed look.

you must've pushed the right button then.

"oh yes, i'm driving home, do you need a ride, i can dr—"

"heeseung hyung,"

you both look over to the younger male joining the conversation. jay gives heeseung a smile when heeseung gives him a joyful one.

"jay, what's up?"

"nothing much, sunghoon just wanted you over, real quick too! i'm afraid you need to cut the conversation with y/n short," he says, then swiftly glancing between your hands and then back at heeseung's face.

"i see," heeseung says and turns back to you. "sorry y/n, i'll drive you home, another time, alright?" he says, and then leans in closer to you, catching you by surprise.

"see you around, yeah?" he says and then places a small kiss right on the corner of your lips, completely catching you by surprise and only intriguing a wave of jealousy.

winking at you he leaves but you don't have any time to wave back at him before jay takes you by your wrist and leads you into the back of the kitchen, to the hidden corner, where no one can see the two of you.

"what are you doing, jay?" you ask when he lets go of your hand. "is everything okay?"

"don't is everything okay me, y/n," he sighs, shaking his head as he looks down at you before he leans down to your level like heeseung had done before. "you got my attention, don't you think you have to deal with the consequences now?"

your lips full apart to answer him but instead jay takes this as a chance to continue what had been discontinued earlier, this time hoping no one would cockblock the two of you, again.

"drive me home tonight." you say, eyelashes fluttering as you look up at him, pulling away to catch your breath.

"i can do more than just drive you home tonight, y/n."

and so he did, proved you right. you didn't have a thing to complain about by the end of the night. when you tiptoed back to your room after jay had driven you back home in sunghoon car, after leaving the boys back, you were absolutely tired out and dazed.

and sore, and tired. laying down on your bed, you pulled the duvet over yourself, too tired to hop in the shower and shower.

afraid his scent on your skin from the previous hours would go missing. his cologne, the taste of his lips, the ghost of his touches on your skin, all the memories come flashing back into your mind as you fall into dreamland with the biggest smile plastered on your face.

when you woke in the morning you had immediately rushed to shower and the night before memory came rushing back as the water trickled down your body.

you walked out of the shower, wrapped in your towel ready to lotion your skin until you saw yourself in the mirror, eyes widened.

"holy shit,"

you trail your fingers over the marks in between the valley of your chest and all the way up to the collarbone, gasping at how sick it looked.

you didn't know whether to be scared that if anyone saw your entire collarbone area covered in hickeys is terrifying or the fact these marks were lowkey hot.

and then you remembered what jay had said the night before.

"don't leave too obvious marks,"

he shifts in his place before smiling and then pulling you into a kiss again, then onto your neck, nibbling on the skin, making a hickey.

"sure," and then he pulls you into another kiss, this time purposely missing your lips and kissing the spot heeseung had kissed you at just before, a few hours prior to this.

when he pulls away there's a small red mark on the spot both of them had kissed at.

"my mark as my girl," he says, chuckling and you swear your heart truly skipped a beat, making you feel all the things you should've felt with heeseung earlier. "i've told you before, i don't like people having what's mine already."

you bite your bottom lip before your lips grow upwards into a smile, and you try to not blush at the memory.

"gosh, what the hell.." you sigh, shaking your head. you're pretty sure a hookup shouldn't have you giggling this way, but for some reason it did and it doesn't feel wrong at all.

you then examine the marks, sighing at how obvious it looked. you're just hoping enough foundation and concealer can fix it.

a few minutes later, after a lot of effort into hiding the hickeys, you then look into the mirror, hoping it's hidden pretty well. it was, but if anyone were to look closer into it, you can tell something's hidden behind the makeup.

giving up, you just resorted into getting dressed and just heading downstairs for a late breakfast considering how your stomach hasn't stopped grumbling.

"morning,"

you see jake by the stairs, putting on his jacket in the hot weather and you wave back at him.

"it's 1 in the afternoon, are you heading out somewhere?"

jake smirks at you, "i know, it's called sarcasm baby," you roll your eyes at the pet name, looking away. "and yes, you wanna come along?"

"where are you going? where's the rest by the way?"

"heading over to the tracks for rehearsal, there's a race tonight." jake replies, following right behind you, hot on your trail. "the rest are already there."

"oh," you nod, and then take the cereal box but jake stops you.

"what?"

"let's go,"

"go where?"

"to the tracks,"

"no? i'm lazy."

"and?"

you scoff at him, slapping his hand away from your arm. "it's scorching hot jake, i'm too lazy for that."

"not even a free McDonalds can convince you?"

you pause, and that gets a reaction out of jake. he immediately smiles when he realises he might have gotten you in his grip, "what do you say?"

"only if we can get the combo sets."

"SETS?" he gasps, and then wonders how much he has left in his wallet.

"take it or leave it, jakey."

jake ponders on it for a few seconds before signing, and giving in. "okay fine," he whines, and then points at you. "let's go."

you excused yourself to change into a more appropriate outfit rather than showing up in an oversized shirt and shorts, which doesn't seem right for the venue at all.

after you changed, you and jake drove off to the nearest McDonald's and after a lot of fighting, jake indeed got you combo sets and within minutes finished it all, leaving jake absolutely stunned.

"i know you didn't just finish ALL of that," he says, glaring at you as he reverses into the parking lot.

"and i didn't even have any of the fries!"

"you didn't even ask for any, that's not my fault," you say, laughing as jake parks the car and finally turn to you.

"i did, you're just saying things now!"

"uhm if so I didn't hear anything so," you say, shrugging and then jake leans into you and then smirks..

you start to panic, is he going to kiss you? you really seemed to be very kissing material these days, there's just a never ending list of guys leaning in to kiss you.

"i'll make you hear it then,"

you smile, feeling the rushing feeling going up through your chest and then up your throat. before jake could lean in any closer, you burp so loud in his face making him fall back into his seat in absolute horror.

"oh god— uh i did not MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN…." you gasp, feeling sorry for him all of sudden.

"i— i, i think i saw god for a second…….. y/n.." he trails off, and closes his eyes, trying to not pass out from the shock.

fast forward a few minutes later jake finally recovers from the trauma, you think so. you try to not laugh in his face even more while jake glares at you for pulling that shit on him earlier as you two make your way into the arena.

as soon as you enter you spot sunghoon immediately and he's shocked to see you there as well.

"are you really y/n? what are you doing here?" he asks, placing his hand to his heart, looking at you in awe.

"shut up," you whine, rolling your eyes at your brother.

"no for real, what has you coming here for?"

"jake bribed me with McDonalds," you say, and then pointing to Jake who's glaring at you with a scoff.

"yeah i wish i didn't, she almost killed me with that deadly ass burp— fuck i'm gonna throw up," he slaps his hand against his mouth and wanders off into somewhere, trying to not embarrass himself and throw up in the middle of the arena.

"did you seriously do that to him, that's fucking nasty," sunghoon gasps, scrunching his face up in disgust at your actions, and gasping again when you laugh to confirm his guesses.

you don't tell him jake tried to kiss you though, only dismissing it because jake would have a black eye when sunghoon finds out. you figured that would work as an apology for burping in his face.

your chat with sunghoon is interrupted when jay walks up to the two of you, taking of his helmet and wiping off the sweat on his forehead, then swiping his hair back as he looks at sunghoon.

"you're up next."

sunghoon nods and then pats your head.

"i gotta go, see you later."

you nod, giving him a thumbs up, "goodluck."

you watch as sunghoon disappears into the group of people and then you realise how passionate he looked like, about racing.

"i didn't know you would come down here," jay says as he looks down at you.

"i don't," you say, smiling at him. "jake bribed me with McDonalds so, that speaks for itself," you laugh and try to not wheeze at burping in jake's face for him trying to kiss you.

but then again, you don't mention it either.

"it's gone?"

"what's gone?"

jay traces his hand on your collarbone, and then nods when he sees it's hidden by your concealer. you glare at him, immediately remembering the trouble you had to go through to hide the hickeys.

"i told you to not make it too obvious jay,"

"yeah, you only said to not make it too obvious?" he says, chuckling. "you never said i couldn't make any at all,"

"it's the same thing." you scoff, squirting your eyes at him. "it's not baby,"

you bite the insides of your cheek, trying to not blush at the pet name except when jake used it on you earlier, it didn't give you the same effects as now.

jay seems to find that you do like being called baby so he takes notes and then smiles at how cute you were.

"shut up,"

"i don't think you were saying that last night when i was—"

"JAY!" you gasp, shutting him up with your hand over his mouth, staring at him wide eyed. he tears your hand away, laughing.

"what? are you embarrassed now?"

"no— i just— why are you saying this stuff in public!"

"you didn't have a problem with screaming my name in public yesterday though,"

"jay shut up, oh my god," you whine, cheeks turning red, flustered only making jay chuckle.

"the only one who'll be shutting up is you," he says, slipping his hand right underneath your waist, catching you by surprise. "right?"

he's right, that immediately shuts you up and also the pulsing between your legs returns in broad daylight. it's immaculate how down bad you were for him.

"am i interrupting something?"

you turn to your right to see heeseung in his racing attire as well, surprising you immediately when you push jay away.

"yeah, we were in the middle of something, hyung."

you widen your eyes staring at jay and then back at heeseung.

"oh, i see, if so then—"

"what? no ,he's just kidding!" you laugh awkwardly, waving your hands at him. "he's gonna go back to the tracks, right jay hahahaha!" you say, and then raise your eyebrows only to get a glare from him.

"oh uhm.." heeseung trails off, rubbing the back of his neck, smiling at you and jay awkwardly. "i didn't expect to see you here, just wanted to say hi!"

"i could say the same for you as well, you're back into racing again?" you ask, confused to see him here as well, in his racing attire too.

"uh, yeah, in the meantime while waiting for the residency to start, you know."

"oh i see," you nod, giggling at heeseung.

"anyway, i'm free later in the evening, do you want to go out for dinner, if you're free—"

"oh sur—"

"no she's not." jay speaks up, crossing his arms against his chest, surprising the two of you.

"uh excuse me?" you ask jay, widening your eyes at him signalling what the hell he's doing.

you look back at heeseung, laughing again to clear out the awkward tension between them. "he's just joking! gosh, jay you're such a jokester today hahahahahahahah!"

the two of them just stare at each other with you in the middle, not a word being exchanged.

"uh— yeah, hee i'm free later, just text me for the details."

hee? jay stares at you in disbelief at the nickname, for a reason it infuriates him.

"that's great then. see you around, y/n?" he says, giving you a shy smile which you return back with a bigger smile at before he leaves.

when heeseung leaves, there's smoke coming out of jay's nostrils so when you turn back to look at him you're stunned.

"hee," jay mutters under his breath in a mocking way, making you chuckle at his jealousy.

"what? is there something wrong with that?" you ask, looking up at the fuelled jay park.

"i didn't say anything,"

"do you want a nickname too?" you ask, smiling at him, sulking. "jay? jey? jayjay?"

"you can make as many as you want," he says, glancing over at you with a smirk before he leans down to your level, to face your eye to eye.

"nothing turns me on as much as the way you say my name though."

IN DILEMMA as you stare at yourself in the mirror. you place down the gloss, and sigh loudly. you're not sure why the guilt is building up in you when you're not supposed to be feeling guilty at all.

it's not a crime to go out for just a dinner with an old friend (cut out crush), it's simply just a reunion over a small dinner, nothing extravagant like a date.

but you're not sure why the one on your mind is jay, the boy you've been hooked on for weeks now, the one who's lips taste is still lingering on yours despite the cherry lip gloss coated on it. when all you're supposed to be thinking about is the man you're going to be out with in a few minutes, lee heeseung.

"y/n!" you slap yourself, staring into the mirror. "get it together for god's sake," you sigh, slapping your cheeks again.

you can do it, it's no big deal. just ignore the guilt in you and go on a date with heeseung, it's all fine, _no big deal_!

you get a text from heeseung that he's outside, making you get up and frantically rush around the room to get your clutch, and a few other things. after rushing to spray on your perfume, you head out to find heeseung waiting for you by the porch.

"oh, wow."

heeseung smiles at you, as he compliments your looks for the night. "you look simply gorgeous tonight, y/n."

you smile back at him, thanking him as you compliment him back on the navy blue but black tux he has on, perfectly suiting him in every inch.

"you look amazing too, heeseung."

"shall we?" he asks, and takes your hand in his, leading to his Mercedes, and closing the door after you get into the passenger seat.

heeseung joins you in the driver's seat and the rest of the drive is accompanied by a small talk between you two, until you guys reach the restaurant.

and you have to say, lee heeseung went all out on this. you're wondering how his ex could have ever gotten tired of this, quite materialistic of you.

"the food here is great, i hope you love the cuisines," heeseung says as he helps you out of the car and then locks it before walking into the restaurant with you.

"good evening, mr.lee. great to see you again!" the waitress at the front greets heeseung and then gives you a brief smile before attending to him.

"i have a reservation under my name,"

"yes sir, let's get you checked in." she says and then leads you and heeseung inside of the restaurant and all you could say about the place was it screamed rich, rich, rich.

not your usual cup of tea, but enjoying a good dinner like this once in awhile is a good thing you suppose.

"alright, here's your seat, i'll be right back to attend to you with your menus." she says as she stops the two of you inside a private room, you're guessing it must be a VIP spot considering how glamorous the spacious room looked for only a table for two.

"thank you," he thanks the waitress and then walks over to you when she leaves. he pulls out the chair for you, helping you into your seat before he gets in for himself.

you look around the room, awkwardly not knowing what to say until heeseung speaks up.

"so, uh, you're with jay?"

you're not sure how to answer the question, you're not sure yourself what the two of you even were.

you hooked up, one time. three failed hookup times, but every kiss was amazing, you couldn't ask for better. you don't know if you like him, you know he doesn't like you that's for sure, in a romantical way.

sure he makes you feel all the type of way every girl would feel from someone she likes but, do you like him, romantically?

you're guessing he's not more than just a summer fling, right?

but how were you supposed to explain it to heeseung? much to your dismay, fortunately you don't have to because the waitress walks in with the menus as she promised.

"here are your menus," she says and you both order your meals but yours is just recommend by both heeseung and the waitress, a few more words are exchanged between each other until the waitress leaves and you're back to square one again with heeseung.

"i'm guessing it's a yes, then?"

you look up to look at him, and you blink, unsure of what to say.

"i hope you don't mind me asking….. i just—"

"are you hitting on me, heeseung?"

you know you may or may have not fucked up by the way heeseung almost choked on his water as he stares at you wide eyed. your reaction has him chuckling in no time, realising that you're actually being serious.

"is that what it looks like?"

"it's the only logical explanation i can think of," you say, shrugging slightly.

"well, to answer you question." he pauses, laughing. "no, i'm not hitting on you."

you're confused now, so why was he acting like he was trying to hit on you? "i was just testing the waters."

"mind elaborating?" you urge, staring at him blankly. heeseung smiles at you, leaning back in his seat.

"i was trying to see if jay has finally got you,"

"what?"

heeseung just smiles at you again, sighing when he sees that you're clueless, so clearly jay hasn't made his move yet. "that, i don't think it's my place to tell you."

you whine, sulking at heeseung.

"how can you just say stuff and then leave me hanging by the thread like that! heeseung!"

the older boy just chuckles, taking a sip from his glass seconds later. "you'll see, soon. "

"but, you know, jay's a great guy," heeseung continues, speaking for his brother who isn't blood related to him. "despite the whole reputation he has tainted on him, he's a gem."

you nod, listening to heeseung, completely immersed in the topic as it's about jay.

"jay's a great guy, i give you my word for that. he's amazing, honestly— i can't stress it enough, i'm exaggerating because he's my homie or anything but, anyone would be lucky to have jay in their life." heeseung says, giving you a warm smile at it, as if he knows there's something going on between you and jay.

"you're no stranger to him right y/n? so you know how his childhood has always been," heeseung says and you agree.

you really are no stranger to jay, you've known him ever since sunghoon barged through the house with jake, jay and heeseung behind him, excitedly cheering that he's a grown up boy and has friends now! especially one that is older than the rest of them.

you remember him spending most of his time at your place rather than his own, for reasons of course. jay never really had a great relationship with his family, sure his parents were in his life, still living under a roof together.

but does all of that even matter when there's not a single ounce of love or affection? all that has ever been for jay is his parent's main priority being too engulfed into their business world that caring for their one and only heir has never been on their radar.

but you know, that the love he never found with his biological parents, he found it in your home. with sunghoon, jay has always been treated like his very own brother— it's as if you were sister too but considering neither of you ever saw each other like that, that's another story.

sunghoon has never let jay feel left out, always sharing with him everything he's ever had, even if not with, he's always shared with jay everything. from his toys to his dreams. everything.

your parents are no exception too, always welcoming him into their warm arms like jay is their own son. treating him exactly like you and sunghoon were always treated, with so much of love and affection. a family love, a type of love every human out there yearns for.

they had always included him in family vacations, family activities, every breakfast, lunch, dinner, hangout— everything, jay was always invited. your home was basically his very own home too at this point.

however although you're aware you family has treated him him like their very own son, the lingering feeling will always be in jay : where his own family doesn't even care this much for him when another family, who isn't even his own blood does.

so when that happens, it plays a major part in his growing up phase, but jay had always best the stereotype. that kids from broken families always fucks up, and has a ruined reputation.

no, jay had always been an elite student in school. active for almost all of his curricular, a teacher's pet, star student— and is even loved by the students! popular kid, prom king, another it boy, the list goes on and on.

though neither of that compares to the love and affection he's never had, the one he yearns for, you hope at least he's happy and lives a good life.

"deep in thoughts?"

"oh," you chuckle, shaking your head as you break out from the immense train of thoughts. "yeah— thinking about what you said, it's true."

"right? considering things have always been like for him, i hope at least. the love he never got from his own family, he gets it from someone he loves." heeseung says, continuing from earlier.

"and someone he loves i don't mean it by you know, sunghoon and the boys, partying, fucking around— i mean if that gives him happiness then so it be, but," he pauses. "by someone he loves, i mean like his romantic life. i hope that goes well for him especially, he's the type that never forgets his day 1 girl for a 1 day girl."

you ponder on what heeseung said, letting it sink in. most men leave their day 1 girl for a 1 day girl, and jay not being them, just makes your heart a small flip.

although you are aware that you don't like him romantically, the thought of being his girl, somehow makes you feel so giddy and on cloud nine.

"i agree, i hope the same for him too." you say, nodding, and just agreeing with heeseung so he doesn't suspect anything wrong.

heeseung just laughs, and then shakes his head.

"i don't think we're supposed to talk about others when we're having dinner together," heeseung says, making you look at him. "but, guilt killing me so much that i can't stop thinking about her while i'm here with you."

you're not sure how to react to that, not that you liked heeseung romantically to feel offended by that statement, but— his heart still belongs to his past lover at the end of the day, even while being on a dinner with another girl amuses you.

you wonder, when is it your turn for your heart to belong to someone like that and that even if you have the most wanted, charming guy in the room wrapped around your fingers, nothing would compare to the one that has your heart.

sighing, you lean back in your seat.

"it's fine, i'm here for the free meal anyway!'

and dinner passed in a blink of an eye, after heeseung and your conversation about jay, the two of you had just drifted onto another topic and enjoyed the talk over the overpriced food.

that didn't even taste as good as the diner by your place where you hang out with your friends at.

heeseung opens the door for you and leads you out of the restaurant, as soon as you do, the chilly breeze hits your skin, making you shiver almost immediately.

"oh, here," he says, taking off his jacket and putting it over you. you're stunned but you thank him nevertheless, realizing that if you had just gone on with the dress you have on, you'd just freeze to death, although it's in the middle of the summer.

"thank you, hee."

the drive back to your place was filled with a comfortable silence, heeseung changing the radio stations when it got boring, and you just leaning against the window of his car, staring into the outer view while your mind's completely occupied.

by the boy you couldn't stop thinking about ever since the start of summer.

when heeseung pulled into your driveway, he got out ahead of you to open the door for you. thanking him again, you bid him goodbyes and give him a goodbye hug then make your way up to your porch.

just as heeseung drives off and you reach for your purse a loud thud in the darkness scares the absolute shit out of you.

"FUCK!" you gasp, for a moment your soul leaving your body when you see a tall figure get up from the porch and walk towards you.

under the dim light of the streetlight, you calm down when you're able to make out the figure, realizing it's just jay.

"what are you doing here?" you ask and he just stared at you with a sulky, annoyed expression.

"jay, h— have you been here since afternoon?" you gasp, taking in his outfit. it's the exact same as the one from earlier in the noon, except he has a leather jacket over him now.

"what, no." he says, and rubs the back of his neck. you fight back the urge to smile when you realize it's a habit he has when he's not being honest, often when’s lying.

"are you sure?" you ask again and jay just looks away, slightly scoffing which doesn't go unheard by you. it makes a small smirk grow on your lips almost immediately.

he wasn't waiting for you… right?

"uh stop asking me questions! h— how was your so-called date with heeseung?" jay asks, turning around almost immediately, looking at you with an unexplainable look plastered on his face.

"it went well, i guess, why?"

"nothing, you just seem to— like it so much," he says, and rolls his eyes. "smiling ear to ear and shit," he mutters under his breath as he looks down at his shoes, next to you.

you chuckle, biting your lip to hold back a louder laugh as soon as jay turns to you to give you a glare for laughing at him. that's when he realizes what you have over your body, a coat he's never seen you own.

and then it strikes him, it's heeseung's!

"huh? jay, what are you doing!" you gasp when jay pulls the coat off you, catching you by surprise. he doesn't say anything when he tosses heeseung's coat onto the bench and takes off his leather jacket, then puts it over you.

"you'll be a lot warmer now," he says and then avoids eye contact when you smile up at him. "what does he think he's in, a kdrama?" jay scoffs when he looks over at the coat on the bench and you roll your eyes at his pettiness.

"thank you so much jay, i would've frozen to death if i didn't wear yours instead of wearing heeseung's!" you say, exaggerating the way you say it as well, mocking the sulky jay park.

"yeah, you should be grateful i saved you," he says, huffing dramatically. "your prince charming is here, not the guy that took you out for like a expensive dinner once— even i can do that!"

you laugh at him, pushing his shoulder.

"yeah? then why don't you do that, jay? who knows, maybe i'll give you a chance too."

jay just shrugs at you, acting cool and unbothered when you laugh at him.

"whatever, just go in. you're gonna get sick." he says, and points over at the blowing wind, signaling there might be rain tonight.

before you could say anything else, jay just opens the door for you and pushes you in, before he gives you a brief wave and starts to walk away.

"jay!" you call out, and drop your purse on the ground before you walk after him. jay turns around in a heartbeat and your lips collide onto his lips, leaving a small peck that makes his cheeks flustered.

"y/n?" he asks, when you pull away immediately after the small peck.

you walk back to the door, and then lean against the doorframe, before closing it shut.

"i'll be waiting for the dinner invitation, mr.prince charming!"

you give him a quick wave and shut the door, leaving the boy with his heart doing flips and mind going crazy. god, you're the death of him.

"HAS IT ALREADY BEEN THAT LONG?"

you and wooyoung gasp at karina who seemed to be occupied with her college hunt on her laptop. summer is ending soon, and you've barely got your shit together. all that's ever been going on is partying, getting wasted, fucking around with your loverboy endlessly and nothing else.

though wooyoung just sighed it off saying he'd worry about it later and you both should go back to playing mario cart, you couldn't help but ignore the worry in you.

it hasn't hit you yet that high school is finally over and that you'll be graduating less in a month!

and then college comes, the young adult phase where all you can think about is assignments and deadlines, no more fun. what makes you want to tear up is the fact that the four of you, wooyoung, karina, seeun and you won't be together anymore.

"can't believe you're like this," seeun sighs, and she lays on your bed, scrolling on your phone.

"that's rich coming from you— scrolling on tiktok isn't going to help you apply for college either, seeun." wooyoung retorts, rolling his eyes at her.

they're back at it again.

you tell wooyoung to continue with the game as you rush out of your room to get your laptop and sit down with karina, getting down to work which you ignore wooyoung's pleas for not being brainwashed by her.

"huh, where are you going?"

you stop in your tracks when you see your brother rush out of his room, dressed up with his keys jingling in his hand.

"oh, a few of my old friends are back in town, gonna fetch them." he says and you nod, getting an unsettling feeling about it. "and heads up, since mom and dad are gone for the weekend, they'll be residing here for two days."

you open your mouth to not agree with him but sunghoon cuts you off.

"yeah and before you go on and off about it, i'll make sure we don't disturb you, geez!"

yeah that's a lie.

with that, the older boy just rushes off with a brief bye to you, and you're just standing in the corridor, sighing loudly.

you head into your room and just pick up your laptop as that's what you came originally for until you're stopped by a thought crossing your mind.

were the friends he was talking about are the people he, jay and jake were having a conversation about, a few nights ago.

you hoped it wasn't, because the mention of the girl sunghoon couldn't stop associating jay with was already make you feel nauseous, and seeing her— you don't think you could do it.

despite the obvious fact that you both are merely just fuck buddies and besides the fact you've both never addressed the relationship between each other, so that's what you've opted to.

just fuck buddies with no feelings attached.

but you're getting a feeling that isn't going to stay forever like that.

a knock on your door is heard and you turn around to see seeun peeking from the door slightly ajar.

"you were taking so long, wooyoung said you might have passed out and some shit so i came to check," she says and you let out a small laugh.

inviting her in, you both sat in your bed and you sigh loudly at the heavy feeling in your chest again. you hated when this happened, you don't even like jay romantically so you don't know why you're always so down the moment you hear him being with someone else.

"is everything okay, you look sad?"

you sigh even more, and then just decide to tell seeun about it.

"i don't think i ever told you about it but, i've been into….. with jay for a while now." you admit and seeun just nods, the atmosphere suddenly getting heavier.

"yeah, i figured— i hear those two talking about it sometimes and i see, " she points at your skin, which is slightly tainted with the older hickeys that you told jay again and again to not make it so obvious. "that,"

"oh, uh," you bite your lips, unsure of how to respond to her statement. you're not sure why she has a gloomy expression on her face when she mentions the hickeys and jay.

"y/n, you know it's still not too late right?"

"for?"

"to stop yourself from getting involved in his mess," she says, frowning. "he's not good news, y/n."

"seeun, he's really not that bad— trust me," you emphasize with her, defending jay as she nitpicks about him.

"y/n you just don't see it right? he's not good for you, i'm telling you because i don't want you to get hurt by him!" she whines frustratedly when you're still defending the boy she loathes.

"what do you know about him, seeun— this habit of yours, talking shit about just anyone has to go." you argue, sighing experatedly when she gets up from the bed and stands before you.

"okay, so what do you know about him then, y/n? what do you know so much about the boy that just wants to fuck and leave you in the end, that you're defending him so much like this?"

you're shocked, you don't know why is seeun so heated up about this argument that she's saying shit at this point.

"what the fuck? are you serious right now?" you scoff, placing your laptop aside as you stare at her with a glare.

"what did you expect then? i'm telling you that i know his fucking tactics so bad— i'm saving you from the hurt y/n! why can't you just listen when i'm telling you what's good for you?"

"who are you to tell me what's good and what's bad for me, seeun?" you ask, genuinely confused where she's coming from. you know about jay's reputation, and if anything you've only learned more about him over the weeks. you know he's famous for fucking and leaving but you're the one who wanted this so you have to experience the consequences.

"fuck, why are you like this, oh my god!" she grunts, gripping onto her hair as she stares at you in disbelief. "he isn't worth this argument, y/n."

"why are you deciding that seeun— i don't even know why are you so fucking pissed about this, it's ridiculous," you pause. "do you like him, is that it?"

seeun sighs, deciding that this is the only time she could bring it up, picking to go big or go home.

"how dense can you be?" she asks, and you snap at her, with an annoyed expression painted on your face.

"being dense is your speciality seeun, because there's literally no any other logical explanation as to why you're so fucking against me liking j—"

"GOD Y/N FOR FUCKS SAKE— I LIKE YOU!" and as soon as she said that the door bursts open and karina and wooyoung are staring at the two of you in shock.

you open your mouth and close it back, completely stunned that you were expecting something but seeun confessing that she likes you definitely wasn't what you expected.

"fuck jay, i don't like him— the one i like is you, and— you're so oblivious to that….." she trails off, tears streaming down her face at this point. you felt guilty all of a sudden at the sight of her crying, but when you reach for her she backs away.

"i— i'll get going." she says and storms off past you and through karina and wooyoung. when seeun leaves, wooyoung rushes after her to comfort her as karina walks over to comfort you.

"i didn't even know…." you trail off, falling back onto your bed with a slump, sighing. karina assures you that it isn't your fault, that neither of you guys ever expected that.

"y/n, don't blame it on yourself— it's not your fault, none of us expected this. if anything we just thought the same as you," she pauses. "that she liked jay… or jake."

you sigh, shaking your head in confusion. you had no idea as to why everyone seemed to be putting you into a tight spot right now, everything pulled up on you.

"y/n….. don't worry, you can talk it out with her soon.. when she calms down." she paused. "or at least when you both have everything figured out, she basically just confessed to you."

then she looks at you when your gaze falls onto karina.

"you have to give her an answer."

UPON HEARING jake's departure back to gongjin for the rest of summer, you already knew your brother was going to throw a goodbye party.

he just needed a reason to party.

and you weren't in the mood for it, not after how things has been going downhill for you after seeun's confession.

you hadn't seen her in awhile, after the whole fiasco and neither did you make any moves to give her an answer.

you knew you didn't like her, in a romantic way. seeun has always been nothing more than just a great friend, so when she confessed you just realised and saw the bigger picture later on.

how she always stuck to you, how she always wanted to hang out just by yourselves, just the two of you, how she knew everything about you from what you liked to what you had an ick for— even the things that karina or wooyoung couldn't care less to bother about.

and the most obvious clue that gave it all away was how she always reacted when jay's name got brought up in the conversation. how she had always fell silent when the conversation was about the boy you're currently in daze with, and how she'd be annoyed and not interested whenever you spoke about him.

and how she was totally against the idea of you having jay as your summer fling.

you wouldn't have guessed a thing even back then, you'd just think she preferred to hang out with you better as she probably would have felt more comfortable than having you hanging out with a guy who has the golden title for fuck and leave.

so even now, your feelings and how you view seeun hasn't changed a bit. you still love her very much as a friend.

it's clear as day that you don't have feelings for her, at all. what you're not sure of is, why you feel like your heart is already entitled for somebody else, and you're having suspicions that it might be the person you have in mind exactly.

"is everything okay?"

you look up at the boy hovering over you as he takes a seat next to you. you spot sunghoon and jake fighting over a gelato flavour by the counter at the front of the store.

"uh yeah," you reply, smiling at him briefly and then going back to poking at your gelato as it slowly melts due to the hot weather outside the air conditioned store.

"you don't sound too sure, and that doesn't sound assuring at all." he says, giving you a small squeeze on your hand.

you sigh at him, feeling your heart beat increase when he flashes you a small smile that gives you a tiny serotonin boost. gosh, at this point you wouldn't be surprised if you were lovestuck and mad in love with him.

just saying…

"something came up— with my friend. it was shocking and my mind is just all over the place…" you say, frowning and jay rubs his thumb over your hand.

"you can tell me if you want to— it'll help you clear out your mind and i can help if possible?"

you contemplate for a moment and then shark your head.

"it's alright, i don't want to burden you jay." you say, and give him a small smile. what happened between you and seeun should stay between you two only, considering how she came out to you by mistake through the confession, you figured it's not your place to be telling everyone her privacy.

and— you indeed didn't want to burden jay, although he's an amazing listener and you can tell him all your worries in the world and he surely can help you out, if possible like he had said so— speaking from past experience.

"if that's the case, then sure." he says, and then pats your head lightly, caressing your hair for a second with heart eyes. "don't mind me,"

your eyes widens when he pecks a quick kiss on your lips, igniting a short gasp from you in shock.

"jay!" you clasp your mouth with your hand, staring at him in shock. "that's risky! what if they co—"

and he pecks you again after pulling your hand away from your lips.

"okay? and i'll do it again," he shrugs and you opted to say something before he kissed you again, making you flustered.

"i'll kiss my baby if i want to,"

"y-your what!" you ask, flabbergasted at the sudden pet name. jay has never used any of those ever before, not even during your intimate moments with him.

so him using baby casually in you definitely caught you off guard— especially when it rolls of his tongue so easily as if he's used to it, and as if it's meant for you.

"i said, my baby." he says, taking a bite of his gelato and grinning at you foolishly, as if he's in love. "you're my baby, can't i call my girl that?"

you take a deep breath, turning around and screaming silently as you tried to keep your cool.

like, RUCOEKENFB WHATEHFUCKKKKEKRNRNTNRNENENNRBDNER HES SO FCUTYEYEUEE BANGGING NY HEAD AGAISNT THE WAKK STEAES SRTESDMING DMY FACE GIGKGGKING SO HATD SHAKINF MY FEEETTTTTBGODDDDDD HES THE ONE HESS THE ONE FOR TMEEEEEEEEEE.

just like that, but in your head where your inner mind is threatening to burst and your cheeks hurt from smiling too bright and your heart beating faster than usual and your stomach doing insane flips.

the symptoms of being in love.

"you know it's going to be easy to fall for you if you keep on doing that, jay." you say, with the most toned down tone, but your smile beating you to it as soon as you turn around to see jay leaning over the table as he looks at you with the most adored smile.

the one that has every girl starstruck at first sight.

"yeah? that's the point. because i'm already head over heels for you," he says, grinning.

for some reason his sentence gives you a sudden hope, and also a tiny pang that you chose to ignore because right now, fuck getting fake hope, you just want to enjoy this moment.

"really? that's quick, i guess i'm pretty irresistible after all,"

"that has always been the case for me y/n,"

"jay," you say, sighing at him with a smile. now you'll draw the line and stop the conversation from going further because if it did, then you'd be having an entire procrastination session with yourself and debating if he likes you or not.

though that shouldn't be the case if you didn't like him, romantically— right?

"shut up or i'll kiss you."

"then k—"

and you do, you lean in and place a quick kiss and then pull away giggling when jay is caught off the guard. he smiles at your brighter and pecks you.

and then you peck him again, and he pecks you and you peck him and he—

"we're gonna get caught." you say, stopping him which disappointed him a little.

how much he wished you both would get caught and when sunghoon gives you both his blessings and jay finally makes a move, he can kiss you anytime and anywhere he wants to.

but he doesn't have that privilege yet.

"okay, last one." he says and pecks you for the last time before you both see jake running over to the table.

"god sunghoon is such a menace, he has such a bad taste i can't believe you have a brother like that, y/n." he says, catching his breath and sunghoon finally joins beside him and nudges jake's arm, scoffing at him.

"i got to praise you for keeping up with him, really." jake says, shaking his head and then yelping when sunghoon knocks his head for mocking him. "dude at this rate i'm about to go back with a bump on my head!"

"you're asking for it!"

"not that deep, really sunghoon!"

"so are you guys gonna cut it out or…" jay speaks up, and then looks back and forth between his two brothers like friends.

"dude? you too! looks like you guys can't wait to just send me off," jake scoffs and bites a spoonful of gelato with an offended glare.

"sunghoon probably can't wait for sure so he can have all of your bitches," you say, shurgging with a mischievous smile when sunghoon glares at you. "other than that, i'm feeling sad that you won't be here for the rest of the summer."

"thank you for your appreciation y/n, you're the best, do you want a kiss?"

you're rolling your eyes at the question when sunghoon goes on and off again, about how you're off limits and how jake is an asshole and how he also doesn't want his bitches because he already has his girl.

which you opted to ask him about later, seeing how she was back in town as well.

while on the other hand, you feel a warmth on your thigh which catches you off the guard.

"what are you doing?" you whisper to jay, who's already looking at you with a small smirk before he leans in by your ear.

"do you want to?"

"huh?" eyebrows furrowed, you're confused.

"jake," he says, and you see him glare at jake for a second and then back to you. "do you want to kiss him?"

oh..

"would that be a problem?"

"i don't know, just that jake would never the light of the day if he kissed you,"

you give him a shy laugh, before shaking your head. "then i don't want to kiss him,"

"why? cause he'll never see the light of the day?"

"no," you deny. "it's because then you'll be fuming with jealousy and i won't get a break from wanting to be kissed by everyone, it's a struggle, really."

jay nudges his elbow at you while his hand is still plastered on your thigh, rubbing it up and down slowly underneath the table where the action is hidden from your brother and his friend.

"what are you two doing?"

you both look up at sunghoon like deer caught in headlights, blinking as if you've both caught red handed.

"w—"

"don't tell me you guys are planning to ditch me when he leaves?"

a breath you were holding had let go when you realized he didn't really realize what you two were doing. with a look of relief you try to move away, to put distance between you two but jay holds your thigh still while talking to sunghoon.

"guess you caught us red handed,"

"fuck you three, can't have shit i'm telling you."

the three of you burst into laughter and your head falls back which jay realizes is too close to the wall so he puts a hand behind your head to prevent you from bumping into the wall.

an action that's unnoticed by you but noticed by someone else.

"anyway, i'm really so annoyed that the girls are coming back right when i'm away— i swear gongjin better be worth it."

"girls?" you ask, furrowing your eyebrows when jake speaks.

"yeah, our old friends from high school, they're gonna be back in town." sunghoon adds on and a small twisted feeling grows in the pit of your stomach. "some friends that jay might enjoy …" he snickers but the two of you don't.

and then sunghoon mentions her.

"dude, seriously it's gonna be crazy like you and mai reconciling— don't gotta worry about being bitchless anymore, won't you?"

your gaze falls onto the gelato cup, and then suddenly feel like jay's hand is making you uncomfortable in the midst of s conversation about him and another girl, that isn't you.

it was so unsettling.

"hoon, i told you i don't have anything to do with her anymore— i don't even… i don't even fuck with her anymore." jay says, indirectly saying he doesn't give a shit about another girl when all he ever needs is you who's slouching next to him with a frown.

"isn't that the point of her coming back though," sunghoon laughs, "like you guys getting back together and reviving what you both left back in highschool?"

you remove jay's hand off your thigh and leave a gap between you two almost immediately when the air in the store suddenly gets down. jay turns to look at you but you're looking out the window trying to not be bothered by the conversation between your brother and jay.

in fact, it shouldn't bother you at all. all this while it's been pretty clear to the two of you that the two of you are nothing more than just fuck buddies, so getting jealous and upset at the mention of each other being with another person shouldn't even occur.

so why exactly where you drowning in jealousy and suddenly out of mood at the mention of mai and jay having history— at the mention of jay finally seeing her again.

countless questions run through your head and it's truly killing jay alive, he knows what's running through your mind and he's unable to stop you with sunghoon at the scene.

"hoon, i think he's pretty serious bout' this— he's hard on not wanting to fuck with mai again, so drop it." jake says, nudging sunghoon when he's totally dense enough to not read the atmosphere in the room.

"yeah yeah, you say this all the time man," sunghoon points his spoon at jay. "in the end, you're deep into mai just like the old times."

the conversation alone is enough to make you want to throw up so you abruptly stand up, catching everyone's attention.

"i'm gonna head home first, i feel unwell." you say and walk past jay while sunghoon calls after you.

pushing past the door, you exit the store and feel like your face was about to explode.

"fuck," you sigh, not knowing why exactly why it's even this serious.

"y/n,"

you don't even turn around to know who it is, from the tone and voice it already has you intrigued.

"why are you after me?"

"i don't want her y/n,"

"why are you telling me that?" you ask him, turning around with a sigh.

"because you're upset…. sunghoon is just— you know him, i, i don't miss her or want to f—"

"jay," you say, trying to fight back the urge to cry. "it shouldn't matter whether you miss her, or if you want to….." you trail off, not being able to bring the words out of your mouth about him fucking her.

"i am not upset, i'm just not feeling well, really," you say, shaking your head and then jay walks to you and places his hand on your forehead which you move backwards away from.

and that undeniably breaks this heart.

"y/n w—"

"jay don't worry about me. i'm being serious, you just…. spend the rest of your day with them, you don't have to come over later." you say, and move to leave but jay holds your hand in his, stopping you in tracks.

"i want to worry about you, i can't just leave you like this?"

"jay…."

"y/n, i'm sorry. please? i'll get sunghoon to stop talking about her if it makes you uncomfortable…"

"why would you do that? it shouldn't matter if your— if, mai bothers me, which doesn't so," you deny.

"you're lying, y/n."

"i'm not, jay—" you frown. "you don't even know me," oh, he really did know you well.

"then i want to, know you. whatever that makes you feel better, okay? i want to make it better for you so, don't leave like this."

you sigh, again. unable to slip away from his grasp, you massage your temple as you look at the boy before you.

"jay, i want to leave, please i don't feel good."

jay sighs, frowning as he buries the disappointment in his heart deep down as he nods slowly, giving in.

"okay— let me help you catch a cab at least, please. " you agree, letting him do that before you're leaving the store leaving a sad jay behind.

he tries to not walk in and just punch sunghoon right in face for never shutting up about mai, like he could literally care less about his past fling, when YOU, the girl he always needed, he's finally got.

but now sunghoon just had to run his mouth and make you upset, and have you leave the place with things fucked between jay and you.

groaning, he heads back into the store, trying to not punch sunghoon all the way and after a lot of persuading from jake, he calmed down and spoke to sunghoon, whilst you were on his mind for the most part.

when you got back home, you were confused while jay's words rang in your head as you collected yourself from the mess.

why did he apologize to you? he didn't have the need to do that, even if you got offended by the mention of mai and jay. it shouldn't have bothered the two of you, jay shouldn't have even had a reason to explain it to you, yet alone ran after you just because you seemed like you were offended.

you actually were but still.

"fuck," you gasp, cheeks heating up and your stomach churning in, suddenly feeling an unexplainable feeling that you always feel when you're around jay.

is it possible……… that you…. like …..

him?

CROWDEDNESS has never been your scene, and your friends very well knew it. if anything, the entire summer proved that you preferred being with one person or even alone, away from the sweaty bodies and alcohol smell lingering in the air.

but jake's farewell party is just as important to you as it is for the rest, including your friends. so it wouldn't have been right to skip it just for the sake of avoiding jay and their new friends joining tonight..

though you were intrigued to see mai and understand sunghoon's hype about her being back. she really can't be all that, right?

"did you hear?"

you turn around to see wooyoung giggling, and pulling you and karina in to whisper.

"hear what?" karina asks, but wooyoung shushes her, glaring at her as if it's a secret that's forbidden to be spoken out about.

"apparently," he says, and then looks at you. "jay's here with his car?"

"okay and, what about it?" you ask, rolling your eyes at the irrelevant information wooyoung says.

"what about it? did you forget?"

karina gasps and then looks at wooyoung, "oh my god,"

"yeah…."

at this point you're the only one who's oblivious to what's the deal about jay's car until you remember what wooyoung had told you before. about jay's car.

"oh,"

"OH? THAT'S ALL?"

"well what am i supposed to do about it? go and talk to him while he's engulfed with mai and get into his car, so i can be the first person to ride it?"

"well thats possible considering you've ridden other things—" you slap wooyoung's arm with a scoff.

"dude shut the fuck up," you say, shaking your head at him. "he probably brought his car for mai or whatever, it doesn't matter." you pause. "why are even talking about that anyway,"

karina and wooyoung sigh, and then brings up another topic, before dragging you to the drinks counter to grab drinks.

"you need to chill, so" karina says, handing you a red solo cup with an unidentified liquid in it. "yes it's alcohol, just drink it."

"i was not planning to get wasted tonight,"

"yeah but we are so, you can't refuse." wooyoung says, and nudges you.

"just let loose y/n, summer is ending soon, we won't ever get to go to parties and get shit faced after this, senior year summer only comes one time sooooo!"

you laugh at karina slurring away, already wasted so quickly and then grab the drink out of her hand and chug it down as the two cheer for you.

"fuck! that was—" you clear your throat, scrunching your nose when you swallow the last bit of the drink, head frenzy at the sudden rush. "so good, get me another one."

and the night went on, you successfully avoided your brother and his friends, just dancing and drinking the night away with your two other shit faced friends.

trying out beer pong, flip cup, drunk jenga, avalanche, never have i ever, truth or dare, and alot more that consisted of getting absolutely wasted— you finally chose to get a break from how your head was pounding already.

"rina," you giggle at your friend who's taking a shot. she places the glass down and then turns to you with a big smile.

"y/n my babyyyyyy!"

you both giggle as you slur, and pinching each others cheeks.

"i need to shhhhhhhhh" you imitate a pissing sound and she nods, giving you a thumbs up.

"do you want me to follow you?"

"no, noooo!" you decline her offer, letting her have fun and you would be fine on your own, not a big deal. "wooyoung will throw a tantrum if he finds out we're gone, stayy!"

with a nod, you escape the crowded room and make your way upstairs in the not so familiar house. to your surprise, you found out earlier that sunghoon wasn't throwing the party in your house instead at his friend's house which is the current one you're in, though you have no idea who this friend was.

one thing you know he's gonna dread letting sunghoon throw a party in his house, because the next morning is gonna be ass, and the entire town is invited when sunghoon throws a party.

you finally found the bathroom, and then head in quickly locking the door in case someone decides to walk in and throw up all over you while you're pissing all the liquid you had consumed from earlier.

you were still tipsy after the quick bathroom trip, considering how much you've been drinking the entire evening. it's actually the most you've ever drank, a new record set.

when you opened the door, to exit you stopped in tracks of the boy you've been secretly earning to see for the longest time, but your ego was up as an obstacle.

"y/n," he says, not that he was expecting to see you cheeks flustered and almost no self stability.

"jaaayyyyeee!" you gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck, catching him by surprise.

"y/n? what are you doing? somebody might see us—" he's cut off short when you drag him into the nearest room and lock the door behind him before you lean backwards on the wall, looking up at jay.

you're not sober enough to realise your actions, because clearly if you were sober, you would have sprinted the other way the moment you saw jay and instead of arms locked around him, erotic level skyrocketing through the roof at the sight of him so hot in his iconic leather jacket.

"it's such a sad thing you're not mine, jay," you sigh, but then chuckle when a hiccup leaves your mouth by surprise. "but im yours right?"

"yes, always y/n b—"

"kiss me,"

"y/n wh—"

"kiss me, jay." you say, and don't wait a second longer before pulling him in and closing the gap between you two, lips locking onto each other as the two of your lips move against each other, like a puzzle piece that was meant to be put together.

jay's hand stays on your waist, it irks you but you're too drunk to bother about it as your hand trails down his chest, and then fingertips touch the silver lining of his skin before he's pulling away.

"y/n, we can't."

"what?" you ask, confused as to why he's saying no— not that it has ever been an issue before for the two of you, and by how he's breathing and the painfully obvious tent in his pants, you're sure he wants it. so what's the issue?

"i don't want you to regret this,"

"jay, this has never been a problem before, what's the issue?" you scoff, crossing your arms as he moves backwards.

"you're drunk, i'm not going to take advantage of you while you're drunk, y/n…."

"im not drunk," jay looks at you with a knowing glare and it throws you off. "fine, but i'm sober enough to sleep with you so i don't see a problem here."

"we're not even on good terms, let's talk it out first," he says, and you sigh, shaking your head.

"what's there to talk about? you shouldn't even care, jay. we're not even that serious to talk things out between us," you say, but it just sounds like you're slurring words and the way jay is looking at you says it all.

"you're just saying anything now— forget it, let's talk about it when you're sober y/n."

you push jay's hand off when he comes to hold yours, "are you serious right now?"

"w—"

"no, jay. why can't you just fuck and leave like you always do, after all, aren't we just fuck buddies? there shouldn't be anything between us like this. all we should be doing is fu—"

"what the fuck y/n." jay scoffs, in disbelief at the words straight coming out of your mouth. "are YOU for real right now?"

"well does it look like im joking? I don't get why it's such a big deal to you now, just d—"

a knock interrupts you both and the voice that speaks from the other side of the door, has you enraged.

that seemed to definitely sober you up, worse than an advil on a hangover morning.

"jay? are you in there? someone said they saw you go in there, you left me all alone."

it's mai, the infamous mai.

"so that's why it's an problem now, right?" you ask, pushing his hand away and turning around to leave but jay holds you back, which you yank it off yourself.

"don't touch me," you scoff and open the door to a ginger, staring at the two of you confused but smiles when she sees jay. then the smile drops when she sees you, with him.

"y/n w—"

without a second of letting him continue what he was saying, you storm out of the room leaving both jay and mai behind staring at you.

mai attempts to grab jay who's running after you but the annoyed look he gives her when she shoves her is enough to has her lips shut.

"ah, what the fuck? who even is she?" mai whines, holding in her annoyance at the boy she has been head over heels for.

"his," she turns around to see jake, looking at her with a smug smirk. "first love."

"what? that's not possible? i'm his first love?"

"that's what you think," jake shurgs. "but she's the one he's gonna leave his one day girl for his day one girl— the one that jay has always liked, so you're pretty much not even in the story mai."

mai scoff at what she thinks jake's being a dick of, though that's the plain truth and he's right. jake watches her storm off before he finally goes back to sunghoon, hoping jay finally gets it right this time.

when he arrived at the front yard, he realized you're nowhere to be found and his heart starts beating in anxiousness. the what if's running in his head as he's looking around for has him wanting to pass out.

he knows you're not in the frat house anymore because clearly you're smart enough to not stay there and he saw you leaving the house anyway.

taking out his keys, he immediately runs over to his car and pulls it out of the driveway, earning curious looks from the attendees in the front.

sighing, you rub your head. it feels like you woke up from a nap that cleared the drunkenness up in you and you're sober enough to feel the embarrassment and heartbreak you just went through.

you should have known it was always mai, whether or not you came along first or later and the embarrassment of his declining to fuck you was even worse than the time you accidentally moaned out too loud and jay held onto that to tease you for a straight week.

the weather wasn't helping either, wearing a dress wasn't exactly ideal for tonight. seeing how chilly it was, it looked like it was about to rain too from how cloudy the sky was.

and then the first drop falls, then the next, then it starts drizzling and before you know it, it's literally pouring and you're just walking in the rain, being the most pathetic person in the planet at the moment while the guy you have grown fond and like is blocks away, probably legs tangled in sheets with another girl.

a honk surprises you when a pair of headlights come into view, making you turn around.

maybe you were wrong.

the car stops right behind you and your heart stops when he steps out of it, running towards you as he gets soaked in the rain.

he grabs your arm and tries to shield you from the rain but you yank his grip off you.

"what the fuck are you doing? it's raining, y/n are you insane?" he asks, and reaches to hold you again but step back.

"why are you after me? since when whether or not i'm insane mattered to you jay? go back to mai or something," you say turning around to go the other way but jay stops you by moving in front of you.

"let's talk this out, inside. you're gonna catch a cold, y/n."

"god, why do you even care! you're not even my brother!"

jay's chest heaves, and you watch him sigh before shaking his head.

"trust me y/n, when it comes to you— i'm most definitely not thinking like a brother would."

"leave me alone, jay— which part of that do you not get?" you scoff, letting the words you don't mean leave your mouth out of anger when you meant none of it.

and then he snaps.

"FOR GOD'S FUCKIN' SAKE— GET IN!" his voice echoes through the rain and you stare at him in absolute shock. you absolutely pushed the wrong button when you see the pissed off expression he has on his face.

realizing you weren't going to move anytime soon, jay grabs your hand, leading you into his car and letting you into the passenger seat.

the immediate air conditioning in the car sends chills down your spine, right after getting soaked in the rain. jay gets in not long after, and lowers down the air-conditioning then he reaches behind and grabs, what you examine is a jacket.

you lock eyes with him as he puts his jacket over you as he locks you in with the seatbelt, and in a swift he looks away before changing the gear and speeding down the road.

you both don't say anything pretty much for the most part, especially when he's practically speeding— you don't wish to push his limits even more than you already shouldn't have.

and you know you shouldn't be shameless, but the situation had you in a tight spot. pissed off jay is…… something.

you know wooyoung would have knocked some sense into you for being absolutely ridiculous at the worst moment but you couldn't help it.

jay drives into your neighborhood and you've never been more glad to escape jay when you see your house come into view.

when he parks, you hold onto the door handle but when you pull it, you realize the lock isn't unlocked.

"can you unlock?"

"no— not until we sort this out."

"i don't want to talk or sort this out jay, there's nothing to address."

he turns to face you and your heart stops because one, he was insanely gorgeous under the streetlights and the led light in his Mercedes making him look so fucking hot, and expensive.

even after getting soaked in the rain.

"nothing to address? are you being dense on purpose or what— it's bothering me."

you remain lip-tight shut, staring at him in silence before he speaks up again.

"you didn't even hear me you, you just left like that do you know i felt? i was so fucking scared something might have happened to you—"

"when did you even care?" you laugh, and then turn to look at him. "why do you care? like i said, aren't we just friends with benefits, considering how all we've ever done is just fuck?"

jay looks at you, hurt displayed all over his face but you go on.

"the fact you're acting like you care, it's giving me hope jay. you need to stop doing that and just tell right, what am i to you and what we are." you pause, "you— you're just, a summer fling."

before you could sigh, your lips are taken by jay, catching you by surprise, but as always, like it always has been that way, you kiss him back. this time like it's your last kiss, like you're never going to kiss him ever again.

jay slips his hand onto your cheek, holding your face as he moves his lips against yours, a tear slipping past your eyes, coating the previous rain water on your face.

you both pull away, catching from each other's breath, foreheads leaning against each other. you look into his eyes and he's already looking at you, and your eyes get glossy as your heart breaks.

you didn't quite understand what he was trying to tell, you didn't know if what you were doing was right as well.

"look me in the eyes, y/n." he says, almost like a whisper in the defeating silence, the only sound is the sound of the raindrops hitting his car outside. "and tell me if what we had was nothing to you."

"and, if i really am— just a summer fling?"

you go silent, your gaze falls to your hands and you nibble on your lower lip, trying to find words to tell him wrong but none comes into your mind.

because everything you did with him was never, nothing. and jay, is simply not just a summer fling anymore.

maybe at the beginning he was, but overtime when time went on, everything between the two of you changed.

because summer flings who fuck each other don't get butterflies from just holding hands, or do you come all the way to your home just because you said you're not feeling too well instead of just wishing a get well soon.

summer flings who fuck who's hearts don't flip when they kiss each other, or get all giddy when one calls another by a sweet pet name.

nor do they get jealous when a third person comes into the relationship, nor to they find themselves explaining when not even needed, especially when all the other person to them is just a summer fling.

"because to me you're not— just a summer fling, y/n. i've liked you since day one, ever since the day you spoke to me when sunghoon brought me back to your home for the first time ever."

the feeling you're feeling right now making you want to pull in jay and kiss him, making all ends meet just to get him as yours— but, is that really how it is supposed to be?

"w—we can't…" you trail off, sighing as you pull away your forehead from jay's. jay holds your hand, not letting you go, keeping you in his warmth on the cold rainy night.

"is this because of sunghoon?"

it's always been because of sunghoon. whenever it came to your private love life it had always been because of sunghoon.

to the point where'd you think he just didn't want you to have a pleasant life, where you'd have a boyfriend in. but you understand where he's coming from, as a brother it's only natural he'd want to protect his sister from all those sleazy guys out there.

but constantly wrecking every single chance you had? that's not it.

and the fact jay is sunghoon's best friend doesn't help any better.

your expression plastered on your face just says it all for jay, he sighs and pressed your hands together, giving you reassurance.

"i'll take care of it, don't worry."

"that's not it, jay. it's sunghoon…. i can't betray him like this.."

"then what about you?"

"what?" you blink, looking back up at him.

"then what about yourself? it's always been like this, you've never actually done anything in favor for yourself, either sunghoon always held you back from it or you don't do it because of him." he says, "when will you start doing what your heart wants, y/n? sunghoon can't hold you back forever."

"chose to do what your heart wants, y/n. it'll be worth it— like who you want to like, date who you want to date, go out with who you want to, kiss who you want to—" he pauses, then looks at you with a small smile. "only if that person is me or i'll side with sunghoon for this one."

you let out a laugh, slapping jay's arm, heart fluttering at his words. he smiles when you do, his heart flutters when he heard your laugh after a while, giving him a sort of assurance.

you look out the window, and see it's stopped pouring already, just light drizzling but safe enough to walk out in.

"i should go now, it's getting late." you say, sighing as you go back into your dilemma. you place your hand on the handle, this time a whole different emotion that before. "i'll think about….. what you said, jay."

he gives you a short smile before unlocking the door and getting out before you, then opening the door for you to step out on right after he ends the engine. when you step out, it's almost so chilly that you get goosebumps despite having jay's jacket around you.

he walks you up all the way to your doorstep, you give him a small look before heading in and a huge sigh leaves you.

he's right, you should do what your heart desires, and you did either way this happening at some point in you two's relationship throughout summer.

back then it was just a small thing, like— what sunghoon doesn't know wouldn't hurt him but things have changed.

you two no longer are just two people who fool around, fucking. you're both now aware of the feelings towards each other, and if jay was ready to give it up, why couldn't you?

sunghoon is to worry about later, but now— if you don't make your move now, then you might just end up losing jay forever.

you know what you want now, what your heart wants now— more than anything, for once & for all.

it's more than clear that he's not just a summer fling anymore, you turn around, fingertips wrapped around the door handle once again, before you pull it open and step out.

jay's jacket falling off your shoulders, onto the floor before you step down the porch and run back to jay.

your chest collides with his back as you wrap your arms around him, taking in his warmth again.

caught by surprise jay turns around to see you, looking down at you in shock as to why you're hugging him just right after he sent you off.

"y/n—"

"jay."

"this is my answer." in a swift, you pull him by his shirt, connecting your lips with his, eyes fluttering shut while your hearts fluttered like butterflies had been set free in you.

jay's lips turn upwards, smiling against yours, arms wrapping around your waist as he tilts his head for more access. jay pulls away first, letting his forehead rest against yours like moments from before, as you both catch your breaths.

"i promise it'll be worth it." he says, muttering against your lips and looking up at you.

"then," you say, pausing before you slip your hand under his shirt briefly, making him look down and then back at you. "prove it."

smirking, he gives you a small kiss, before letting you take his hand in yours and lead you back into your house.

maybe this once, you're grateful that your parents were away and sunghoon was nowhere to be found.

hands in each others grasp, you both head up the stairs, giggles heard as you both get into your room and jay locks the door behind you as soon as your back hits the wall.

his lips immediately latch onto your neck while your hands trail up his chest then lock your hands behind your neck, gripping the hair on the nape of his neck.

jay holds your waist on one, the other on your neck. the moment you feel his touch on you, your body feels electrified with love and lust. the air is getting thick with tension and immediate lust.

you've never felt more alive now, and so does jay now. he feels even more alive now, with his lips on your skin, hands around your body— he's never felt more alive ever, not even when he's on the tracks in his second most prized possession.

but nothing can compare to you, for him, you're his number one priority and prized possession.

the both of you pull away and stare at each other when you two realise it's time you need more. but this time, it's more than just fucking— you're both making love, a genuine one.

"up," jay mutters against your lips, before connecting it back again when you jump a little and he catches you. carrying you to the bed, he lays you down without breaking the kiss.

the moment you do, jay only pulls away to practically tear his shirt off, leaning towards you on top of you.

"i'm yours to keep, and i'm yours to lose, y/n." he says, sighing in relief before placing his lips onto yours, again. "i'm— yours."

SUNLIGHT BLOOMING INTO your room to through the seeps of your curtains seemed to be the first thing you see when you blink awake. you don't recall a good night's sleep like the one you just woke up from.

for a moment you almost regret waking up from such a magnificent sleep, but when you shift to your right and met with what seemed to be hard as a walk of bricks, your regret is washed away almost immediately.

rubbing your eyes, you blink a few more times to realize finally what it was. toned chest? a naked one too….

then it hits you. the memories from the night before.

"you're awake,"

your eyes widens and your heart beats like crazy at how raspy jay's morning voice was— so fucking hot. the wetness from last night almost came back between your thighs.

"oh— uhm, yeah." you say, looking up at him, with a smile. he greets you with a small smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before sighing.

"what?" you ask him, but he just shakes his head only to intrigued you more. "jay!" you tap his arm, but he shakes his head again.

you sit up, pulling the sheets up with you to cover your chest as you're not dressed yet after last night's event.

"you're telling me now or i'll kick you out." you say, with a pout which has jay almost kicking the air at, from how cute you looked like.

"it's just— i'm a little jealous of people."

"please elaborate jay," you say, eyebrows furrowed together.

"how can they get to see your beauty for free— seriously, everyone should be paying to see you." he says, and a smile creeps up his face when your face heats up at the compliment.

you hit your pillow on him, laughing at the way he blocks it. "you're so corny!"

"what! I'm just telling you the truth," he says, putting his hands up to defend himself before he sits up on the bed, the sheets covering up to his v line.

you try to not lose your shit at how gorgeous he looked as well, the bed hair doing more than enough to make you want to punch your first in the air, fangirling about him.

"well is it not true then?" he asks, smiling at you. "i'm pretty sure i can compliment my girl if i want to, and because she deserves it too." he shrugs.

my girl. god, that only makes you want to kiss him so bad even more.

but that makes you wonder— where do you both stand now, what exactly were you two now.

"i can already tell what you're thinking, y/n." he says, pulling you towards him, making you sit on his lap as you look at him with those starry eyes.

"you're like an open book, easy to read." he says, caressing your cheeks. "but, this is not the way i wanted to ask you out— i wanna do it in a more perfect way, not in the morning after i fucked your brains out."

you push his arm slightly rolling your eyes at the mention of both of your actions last night.

"but, to me," you pause. "anything is perfect when it's with you, jay."

he smiles at you, his other hand holding your hand in his, thumb rubbing over your hand.

"everything is perfect because you're already perfect, y/n."

"i said stop being corny."

"i'll be corny if i want to—cause no matter how corny it is, i mean every single one of it, love." he says, giggling.

"but, i don't think i want to be just friends, or fuck buddies with you anymore, if it's not obvious yet." he says, smiling up at you as he speaks. "i want to be more than that. i want to do everything with you, even if i'm not your first, i want to be your last and forever y/n."

you nod, tears brimming up in your eyes at his words, it's all perfectly overwhelming, just what you loved.

"i'll promise to treat you right, i'll make you happy, and i promise to make every single moment with you worth it." he says, connecting his fingers between yours. "and you know, i always keep my words."

"i know." you say, smiling back at him.

"so what do you say, y/n y/l/n— will you, go out with me?" he asks, "a date you'll never forget, i swear."

you blink away the tears, realizing perhaps maybe you're overreacting but truly, you've never felt this way towards anyone else before so it's only natural you're feeling this way at the moment.

"my answer is…….." you trail off, looking at him before placing your hand on top of his chest, and then kissing him on the cheek. "yes."

jay breaks out into a big smile, the one that makes your heartbeat faster and flutter.

he couldn't ask for more than this moment.

COUNTLESS OF DILEMMA have you encountered but nothing like the one you're having at the moment.

which dress should you wear?

jay told you he'd pick you up in the evening and you had barely even two hours left to get ready but you're having a dress crisis right now and you have no idea how to solve it.

sure red complimented your skin tone but it's too bold for just a night out. but if you picked the white flowy one, it's too casual if he pulls up to a fancy restaurant which you'd feel too underdressed to.

even after asking jay for the theme, he told you to dress whichever made you comfortable and not to worry much about the date.

but here you were, close to ripping your hair out because you needed to look gorgeous tonight. it's your first ever date with him.

eventually after a lot of procrastinating and debating with yourself, you decided to just go for the white sundress the simple choice is always the best— besides, it's broad daylight so you figured to not stress much about it, and even if jay took you to an expensive restaurant, it wouldn't matter, as long you're with him.

by the time you were done, jay had arrived at your place and sunghoon was out again, so it just made sneaking out with jay easier.

"holy…." jay gasps, hand flying to his mouth as he stares at you when he gets off leaning against his car.

you immediately start to panic by how he's staring at you— were you not dressed for the occasion?

"what? am i in the wrong dress code?" you ask, your heart dropping at the thought of ruining the date already.

"no…." jay finally speaks up, as his hand falls to his side and the other one holds a bouquet you hadn't noticed. "y/n, you're gorgeous."

your lips curve up into a smile as your heart beats against its cage, so fast you're afraid it might burst out of you.

"thank you, jay." you say, thanking him and then you take in his appearance. it's a surprise to you why he hasn't agreed to being a model at this rate despite being scouted by countless companies.

he seemed to look absolutely gorgeous as well in the white shirt with sleeves he had rolled up his arms showing off the hard work of him hitting the gym often with his black hair slicked back, one strand hanging out yet making him drop dead handsome.

"you look amazing too," you say, coming up to him and pecking him softly on the lips before you two giggle at the adorableness.

"here, i got this just for you, my beautiful girl." he says, handing you the bouquet of white roses, and god, did it make you feel like you were on cloud 9.

"these are really pretty." you say, staring at them in awe, like it's the prettiest flowers you have ever seen in the entire planet earth. while on the other hand, jay was looking at you as if you were the most prettiest in the entire planet earth.

"i know, but— nothing beats your beauty."

"stop!!" you whine, getting embarrassed as you hide your face behind the bouquet, giggling when jay takes your hand in his.

"god, you're so cute." he says, smiling at you before he ushers you into his car and you both set off for your date.

you two stop by a bakery first, for a light breakfast because according to jay, you'd two be walking a lot and when you arrived at the destination, you finally understood why.

you didn't know if he was aware of it, but he probably had no idea how long you desired a date like this, and how long it's been in your bucket list for.

an aquarium date.

you think you can gladly pass out in peace after the date.

"huh?" you ask, looking at jay when he slings a small bag that seemed to be tiny and fitting for a camera— a camera case/bag?

"i brought it with me today, just for you, " he says, pointing at the camera with a smile.

"oh, it looks really old though." you say, noticing how ancient it looked. perhaps it was passed down in his family? must be it, or he could've gotten a limited edition, antique one— it wasn't entire impossible.

"yeah, it's my family's— a tradition actually." he says, and you nod along as jay proceeds to explain further.

"in my family, there's this thing where for every first date moment, the guy in our family takes this camera along to capture the moment. at first i thought it was pretty much just a thing we had going on, but like— i heard it was also like a good luck item so, everyone who bought this along during their dates eventually got together in the end."

"oooooh," you say, amazed at his explanation. "that sounds great! and very cute but—" you stop, and turn to look at him just as you both were about to enter the aquarium.

"everyone really got together at the end?"

jay smiles at you, then pats your head softly with love.

"i see you in my future, so i hope that gives you an answer." he says, and the takes your hand in his before taking you into the aquarium while hearts were practically flying around the two of you with big smiles plastered on each other's face.

jay couldn't help but admire you the entire time, how cute you looked, staring at the sea life animals in awe with your starry eyes. the blue light radiating off the water in the dim made you look absolutely gorgeous.

taking his camera up to his face to capture the moment, his heart dwells when you turn around in time with a big smile.

click!

"hey! that's enough for me, let me take some of you!" you say, and practically forcing jay to give you the camera when he finally gave in, you made him stand right before the giant thick glass, just right behind a group of fish swimming back.

such a perfect moment to be captured.

click!

and in that moment, when he flashes his pretty smile, your heart skips a beat, and you realize that— you see jay in your future as well.

BY THE END OF THE DATE, you two were practically worn out, but by the sound of how loud your stomachs were growing, you two decided to bail out on a reservation jay made and quickly head to a nearby restaurant.

good for the two of you, the place seemed to be good enough and it wasn't rush hour yet so you both immediately settled down in there.

the waiter had successfully ushered you two to a table where you both sat down and enjoyed your meal for the most.

"we got enough time," jay says, after chugging down his water.

"enough time for?" you ask, staring at him and cheeks filled of food that jay finds undeniably adorable.

right after dinner, getting into his car, jay drove you to somewhere really far off the coast. you enjoyed the majority of the ride there, songs blasting as you both sang along to the lyrics and laughing each other's ass off at the wrong lyrics and broken high notes.

"we're here."

getting out of the car, you slip off your shoes and leave in his car before running off to the beach. jay follows behind you, with a smile on his face as he watches how gorgeous you looked so carefree, your hair caressed by the wind and your silhouette absolutely gorgeous.

beach trips at almost midnight might not be the most ideal but jay had remembered how you had it in your bucket list, so here he was with you, fulfilling it for you.

he doesn't say anything when he catches up next to you, instead he just watched how you admire the ocean with sparkly eyes and how beautiful you looked at the moment wherein the moonlight reflecting on your face, brightening up the night.

"it's so beautiful," you say, taking in how beautiful the ocean looked in the eerie hours of the night.

"yeah," he says.

you turn to agree with him on the view but when you do, you're shocked to see him just looking at you with awe, instead of looking at the ocean.

in midst of the sound of the waves moving around and water crashing off the shores, jay speaks up. and in that moment, everything else blocks out and all you hear is him, like it's only the two of you in the entire world.

"stunning."

flashing him a smile, you take his hand in yours, and the other cup his cheeks before you lean in and place your lips onto his. jay intertwined his fingers in yours, pulling you by your waist closer to him.

the adrenaline from your near fall is pumped through your system, pushing your heart rate into unhealthy territory. each movement is equivalent to the more your feelings get more in the moment.

you pull away first from out of breath but the way jay places a single kiss on your cheek and then pulling you into a hug convinced you that you'd continue the kiss if oxygen didn't matter.

"i never want to lose you, y/n. i mean it." he says, and you wrap your arms around him.

"i never want to lose you either, jay nor do i want to give you up in any circumstances."

he pulls away and then looks at you.

"even if sunghoon is in the way?"

you give him a small squeeze on his arm before placing a small kiss on his cheek in return.

"even if sunghoon is in the way." you say, and he pats your head softly, like he's caressing the world's best treasure.

for some reason, the look he gives at the time, it gives you reassurance and hope that he truly means it, from the bottom of his. deciding to not say anything further you just give him a small smile.

turning around, he keeps his arms locked around your waist while you both stared off into the ocean, letting silence overtake the two of you.

the night couldn't have ended any better.

EVEN JAKE'S DEPARTURE hadn't hurt you as much as the news you had received from karina. that had only been the tip of the iceberg in the summer.

"like it's supposed to be the time of our lives but leaving high school sounds unreal to me," wooyoung says, sighing against his seat in the diner.

you twirl the straw in your smoothie cup with another sigh to accompany it.

"no for real, cause what are we actually gonna do when high school ends….. like grad and then!" he continues, mumbling in misery.

you agree with wooyoung, the past few years had been so repetitive you're not sure if ending high school is a joyful experience or leaving you in a dilemma.

perhaps back a few months ago when you were studying your ass off for finals, you might've been glad to end it for once and for all.

but now that you're here, with your friends in a diner that had always been your local hangout spot, enjoying the very few last moments of you guys together.

without, seeun.

you've successfully avoided her for about a week now, and since you hit off with jay— but you do feel sad whenever she's not around whenever you guys would hang out at times.

"uhm," you hear someone clear their throat and when you look up, your jaw almost drops to the floor. but you can't exactly blame yourself, wooyoung and karina had the exact same reactions as well.

"seeun?"

as if the universe has been listening to your thoughts, you couldn't quite believe she was actually here after what had happened. and to be honest, the look she had plastered on her face, it was giving you mixed feelings.

"sorry for showing up." .

"why are you sorry?" you ask, looking up at her as the other two stare at you, in shock. "you shouldn't be sorry for coming to hang out with your friends."

"if anything, we should be sorry for not calling you along whenever y/n is with us…." karina says, finally popping the secret. she nudges wooyoung and he speaks up as well.

"yeah, we just felt like you two needed time apart from each other…… after, what happened?"

seeun just smiles at wooyoung and nods, not having any hard feelings. as rebellious as these two can be, seeun understands where wooyoung and karina are coming from.

"i know, what you guys mean and where you guys are coming from.." she says, nodding.

karina gives you a look you couldn't quite comprehend before she drags wooyoung to stand up with her and moves out of the booth before pushing seeun down to sit before you.

"well, it seems like you guys need to have something to talk out, so we'll get going! just let us know when you guys are home!" karina says, and pulls wooyoung away after waving at you and seeun.

"RINA NO I WANNA KNOW THE TEA—" wooyoung's screams are muffled as he gets further away from the booth leaving you two alone.

sudden silence takes over you two as you both try to say something but nothing is leaving your mouths. when you decide to address the issue while picking at your nail, seeun seems to beat you to it.

"i'm sorry."

"seeun.."

"no y/n, i just— hear me out first alright?" she says, and you just nod along as you listen to her before leaning back in your seat.

"i am sorry, for what happened. i shouldn't have been selfish and just thought of myself and prioritized my feelings— i should have taken your feelings into consideration. and after, reflecting on what happened, i apologize for still bursting out at you, and still— growing feelings for you despite you making it clear that you were into jay, and getting mad at you for not acknowledging my feelings was just immature…"

you two fall into another silence again before you understand that she's ready for you to response and say something back.

"i, first of all— seeun, you shouldn't invalidate your feelings. your feelings must be an priority, of course to you, what i feel comes next— but i admit, i was offended at the fact you just bursted out at me like that but, still— saying you were selfish for liking me is unreasonable." you pause, giving her a small smile before continuing.

"you can't help who you like, your heart wants what it wants, and you can't stop that. but just because you like someone, it doesn't necessarily mean they'd like you back."

"you just said the most brutal thing in the most calm way, it helps with my heartbreak." seeun says, chuckling and you give her a sympathetic smile before putting your hand over the table and giving her a small squeeze.

"i, will need some time. to move on from you, but you're a really great person, y/n— anyone would be beyond lucky to have you."

you nod, smiling at her a little bit brighter. you just know jay would go frenzy to see you smiling like this at the moment.

"and so are you, anyone would be blessed to have you as their partner— you're really amazing, but i'm sorry that person can't be me…" you say, whispering the last part but it doesn't go unnoticed by seeun.

"cause that person for you, is already jay."

you look up, stunned at how she found out but she just laughs it off.

"it's the talk of the town, even if you didn't tell me— i would've known either way, wooyoung has a big chatterbox mouth."

you laugh at her commentary, before screaming your soul out when the mentioned boy jumps from behind your seat, scaring you in the process.

"you're talking shit about me? really seeun, in my opinion you shouldn't be saying that when y—"

karina walks up behind him, slapping his arm making him wince in pain.

"tell me she isn't right, seeun you're so correct about that so ignore this menace." she says, and sitting next to seeun while wooyoung slips next to you in the booth.

"were you eavesdropping wooyoung?"

"what no!"

"yes he was."

you four burst into laughter when wooyoung's lie is immediately shut down by karina's truth.

"ugh! you're just so!"

"yeah yeah shut up!!!"

"anyway, summer is ending soon," you say, cutting the two bickering friends off and they immediately turn their attention to you. "grad is soon, how do we feel about that?"

"im sad,"

"no shit sherlock."

and the conversation goes on for the rest of the day as you four catch up on all the missed contents and stuff you guys would usually catch up on, that you and seeun are finally on good terms again.

however when you head back home and immediately receive a call from jay, you were definitely not expecting to see him showing up at your doorstep with a legit black eye in the middle of the night.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

jay walks into your house without a single explanation while you keep asking him on and on about what happened but he didn't budge until you got into your room, door locked.

"are you not gonna say a thing? or do i have to figure it out myself before i lose my shit." you scoff, patience on this line and your heart aching when you see your boyfriend with a black eye clearly hurting.

jay sighs, and then takes your hand in his as he looks at you.

with one eye.

because it's really that severe.

"just promise me you won't get mad."

"just fucking tell me already!"

he pauses, and then sighs before just deciding to pop the secret. "it's, sunghoon. he found out."

"what the fuck? are you serious right now?" you ask, in absolute shock that your brother would do this.

"y/n, just calm down first— it's a given he got mad and—"

"NO? IM NOT CALMING DOWN?" you scoff, yanking your hand off his grasp, stunned at how he's telling you to calm down.

"y/n—"

"no, jay— listen, i am not calming down. that doesn't exist in my vocabulary at the moment because you can't fucking serious right now. sunghoon just gave you a fucking black eye and you're chill about it?"

"well, at least you can brag that i took a swing for you."

you sigh, running your fingers through your hair as you look back at him, not sure whether to get annoyed or to feel sorry that your brother gave him a black eye just because he found his best friend was fucking his little sister for an entirety of this summer.

"I can't believe you're not being serious right now, i'm losing my mind jay— what if something else had happened? what if you got seriously hurt, like actually hurt? god, jay…" you whine, unable to look at him and the injury any longer so your eyes starts tearing him for him, it's as if the pain from the black eye he's feeling, you're feeling it too.

"y/n," jay chuckles lightly, pulling you into a hug and rubbing his hand over your back, calming you down. "i'm sorry for making you worry, baby."

you hit his chest as you collected your tears, trying to not lose it even more that he's considerate of you, and making this about you instead of him, the one who got hurt in the first place.

jay's light laugh vibrates through his chest making you pull away your head from his chest while still being in his hold with his arms around your body as you look up at him.

"don't worry, i'm really fine. it was expected for sunghoon to take a swing at me the moment he saw me at the arena, after hearing the news." jay, explains as he pats your head softly with a small smile.

you sigh, the urge of crying finally leaves but rage takes over when you think of the audacity your brother has to do this.

"im gonna fucking kill park sunghoon."

jay pulls you back into a hug, laughing as he runs his fingers through your freshly washed hair. perhaps his fingers would smell like cherry and blossoms because of your conditioner, but he wouldn't mind when he smells like you.

"you're so cute when you're mad."

"don't get me started on you jay park, why didn't you punch him back! don't say you did, because i know damn well you didn't," your gaze flicks to his knuckles to find bruises but it was squeaky clean, and when you looked back jay is already looking at you dumb foundedly.

"im not gonna punch sunghoon, y/n. not now, or ever."

"will you just lose an eye to him then?"

"if it means i can have his blessings to date his gorgeous sister." you glare at him with a slight pinch in his bicep that freaks him out.

"you're so…" sighing you just decided to drop it, knowing jay and how he is, he'd probably figure a way outta this. "just, let's get you cleaned up AND THEN, we talk about this."

you rush over to your bathroom and get the first aid kit under your sink, making your way back to jay. you make him sit on the edge of your bed as you get between his legs while he man spreads.

the way his lips are turning upwards already makes you know what he's trying to do.

"no funny business, park." you warn him, "or else your dick will be the one getting the first aid next."

when you lean down towards him to treat his black eye, jay pecks you in a swift, catching you off guard.

"i said no funny business!"

"this isn't funny business to me, i'm just kissing my girlfriend, is that funny to you?"

"jay!"

it was gonna be long night, for sure.

WHEN SUNGHOON CAME HOME the next day, all you could see was red but sunghoon saw worse than red to see jay leaving your room right when was back home.

"no fucking way— you're ridiculous."

you and two turn around to find sunghoon staring at the two of you, baffled with his arms crossed. and that's when your blood starts boiling.

"su—."

"keep," sunghoon pauses, looking directly at jay and his treated wound, before turning to you with a scoff. "my s— your girlfriend out of this."

"y/n."

"jay, no."

sunghoon just laughs dryly, shaking his head.

“a fucking lovers quarrel, this gotta be a dream."

"sunghoon i'll fucking kill you if you say another word."

"go ahead, kill me y/n. go and kill me, for your boyfriend that i clearly reminded you about thousands of times to stay away from— but sure, you chose to be an fucking idiot and still go against my words."

"why should i listen to you!"

"because im your fucking brother for god's sake and i know how my friends are that's why i told you to stay the fuck away from them!" sunghoon yells, throwing his helmet to the ground, making a loud thud echo through the house and jay pulling you behind him.

sunghoon couldn't believe his eyes, did jay just shield you away from your brother. must be a sick ass joke he thinks you two are pulling.

"dude, keep it down."

"keep it down? how do i keep it down seeing my own bestfriend go behind my back and date my sister that i clearly told him multiple times that she's off-limits?" sunghoon scoffs in disbelief, not seeming to calm down anytime soon either. "and my sister, betraying my trust and fucking around with my bestfriend? seriously?"

"for god sake it's not a big deal, hoon! what's a big deal is the fact you gave jay a black eye, over this?"

sunghoon rolls his eyes, and then glares at you and then jay. "surely it's not a big deal, you must've had so much fun making me a fool all this while right y/n? jay?"

you open your mouth to speak up but jay beats you to it.

"fucking hell dude, the only reason i'm holding back right now is her— stop being such an asshole and see the bigger picture, you're being an idiot."

"an idiot? you wanna lose another eye, park?"

"both of you, cut it out." you say, tears brimming up in your eye.

"jay, just don't— and sunghoon, i'm speechless. you're being absolutely selfish right now, like you're not even thinking of me? about how i feel, about what i want— how is it just what you feel and what needs to go your way?"

"you've never once thought about me, what i actually want— and the one time i can finally have it, you're out to ruin it? god, how much worse can this get? how far will you go to ensure i’m never happy, hoon?"

sunghoon immediately goes silent as he stares at you, heartbreaking in the process at tears streaming down your face.

"at least, this time— just let me be it. whether i get my heart broken, or whatever that happens, i'll be glad i was happy even if it's for a moment in summer. " you say, and wipe away your tears. you see sunghoon flinch to comfort you but he stops himself when he senses you not wanting to be near him anytime soon.

moving aside from sunghoon, you take jay in your hand and lead him out of your house. when you head back to your room after bidding jay goodbye and convincing him you'd be fine after a lot of "are you sure?" and "i can stay, or you can come with me", he finally left.

by the time you did, sunghoon was longer by the door anymore, you guess he had gone back to his room probably deciding to collect on his thoughts after the burst out.

although it's supposed you make you feel relieved now that the cat is out of the bag, you somehow feel anxious about the outcome and how you're gonna have to cope with it by the time summer ends and you have to leave for college.

"DUDE YOU'RE NOT LYING, RIGHT?"

sunghoon stares at his friend who's looking back with shock and well, disappointment and the vague of tiredness shown on his face.

well, who wouldn't be tired when they're woken up in the middle of the night by their friend showing up at their doorstep, looking like he had just murdered someone..

"yeah, i wasn't in the right state of mind."

"no shit sherlock bro," jake says, rubbing his hands over his face and then let's out another sigh.

"well, my only advice is to accept it, hoon." he says, pausing, making sunghoon sit up from his laid down state. "i get where you're coming from and all with your brother instincts, and stuff— but on the brighter side, shouldn't you be grateful it's jay and not some other guy who you don't know?" jake says, shrugging.

"like if you see, it's better that it's jay. you know him, he's your brother sunghoon— and you know you can count on him."

"you're not wrong."

"i know, and besides, you can tell how much jay likes her, he doesn't seem to be letting go of y/n anytime soon, and most definitely not ever." jake says. "you gotta give him a chance, hoon— he's a great guy and y/n doesn't have a better option other than him, she truly likes him alot too."

"wait—" sunghoon says, furrowing his eyebrows when it hits him. "YOU KNEW? ABOUT THEM?"

jake blinks and before he could defend himself, he just decides to hear an earful from his friend, after all it's now or never.

"you were the only one oblivious to it— even heeseung knew something was up between the two."

sunghoon groans, falling back onto jake's bed.

"ah really? i feel like a total asshole now."

"that's cause you are, now go talk it about with y/n. knowing her, she's probably contemplating to make it up with you as well, unless she's completely thrown off about you and this matter."

sunghoon rolls over to the end of jake's bed and sighs. "you're right… i should've known better than to react like that."

"oh yeah, and better make it up to jay too— for giving him an black eye."

sunghoon looks up at jake and lets out a soft murmur that jake didn't bother to catch on knowing he complained about having to let go of his ego and speak to jay.

"also, what are you doing up awake at 3 am in the morning?" sunghoon asks, furrowing his eyebrows at jake and jake only sighs in disappointment.

"i understand why you never caught onto y/n and jay." jake says, glaring at his friend with drowsy eyes. "you're a complete idiot."

HEARING SUNGHOON come back home, you immediately rushed up to your room, nothing to hears thing from him— it's too soon to cave in, knowing how you've always forgiven sunghoon after fighting almost immediately, it won't be the same this time.

not after assaulting jay and being a complete asshole about you wanting to be happy on your own.

sunghoon 's hope flows down the drain when he hears your room door shut as soon as he enters the house, the frown on his face deepening.

however just before he could go up the stairs he catches his friend in the kitchen, going to go up the stairs as well but stopping in his tracks when he spots sunghoon.

the two stare at each other, in a awkward silence where jay wants to confront sunghoon but sunghoon contemplates whether he should speak first or not.

so he does.

"can you spare me a second?"

in his entire lifetime, this had to be the most awkward and silent situation he has ever been in with jay. usually he and jay would go on and off about just anything, they clicked like magnets but today— there was a different shift in the air considering the recent incidents.

"w—"

"h—"

the two look at each other and immediately burst into laughs, stunned at how they both spoke up at the same time.

"it's fine, you can have the first word dude."

sunghoon feels the pile of guilt in his stack up even more at how forgiving jay had sounded already. nodding, he sighs before speaking up.

"i'm sorry. to start off, i'm sorry for everything, the other day." sunghoon says and jay nods, giving him a small comforting smile.

"it was totally wrong on my side, for getting mad at you and… y/n. i didn't have a single right to be mad at what you guys wanted— and especially for….. that.." sunghoon says, scratching the back of his next awkwardly as he points at jay's healing bruised eye.

jay just chucked, shaking his head at sunghoon's awkwardness in addressing the issue.

"i understand why you guys his everything form me, seeing how i reacted that day, even if you guys told me i would've reacted the same— it's just, it's y/n." sunghoon explains, his heart aching at the same time.

"she's just, i don't want her to end up hurt, by making the wrong choices— i care for her, i love her so much i just don't think i'll be sane if i ever see her hurting, hence the overprotectiveness over her had always been there, it's still there, but i'm putting down my ego this time."

"i want y/n to be happy, and if this is what makes her happy, then that's what it is. i won't be oppressed to it— y/n's a smart girl, she knows what to do— but if, you hurt her man, consider us done, and you'll be receiving a gift from me, again."

jay just stares at sunghoon and sunghoon cracks a smile.

"just kidding, that's not gonna happen but, still— keep in mind if you ever hurt her, you'll face the consequences man." sunghoon says and jay just nod along, taking notes mentally to never hurt you, not that he intends to anyway.

"on the other hand, i want you to have the best as well man, i want you to be happy and if my sister makes you the happiest man in the world then i wish you the best of luck!"

jay laughs, patting sunghoon's back before he speaks up with a short smile as you get on his mind.

"you're right, she does indeed make the happiest man ever— if happiness was a person, it'll be her anyday. " jay says and catches on sunghoon trying to not gag at the sappy shit his friend was spewing, as they both laugh it off.

"and thanks, for understanding hoon. i'm sorry for going behind your back and having this all happened, it's wrong on my side too."

the two of the just nod, finally taking in that now that the air is cleared, "so, we good now?"

jay asks sunghoon, immediately being welcomed with a smile and huge hug, taking his homie into his arms.

"congrats man, for bagging the best girl out there for you."

"thanks dude, now" jay pulls away, looking at sunghoon. "y/n's turn, talk it out with her."

SUMMER WENT BY QUICKLY as quick as it started, because it surely felt like it was yesterday you and your friends were out of school and sunghoon, jay and jake being back in town.

speaking of sunghoon, it's also been approximately a few weeks since he made up with you and like the saying goes, blood is always thicker than water.

but, you didn't cave in as easily and quickly, but it was still quick and you missed your best friend and brother.

“y/n."

when you turn around to see your brother, your heart sinks and you move out of his way, walking out of the living room but he holds you back.

"please, stop ignoring me."

you scoff, looking at him and the guilt and regret is just plastered on his face that the hatred and pain in your just decreases.

"what do you want?"

"i want to talk it out, and apologize."

you look at him for a moment before agreeing, having no choice but to settle it now. you didn't want sunghoon to go back to uni with unsolved and hard feelings between you both, and you parents were also telling you guys to sort it out as it was making every family meal time awkward and it was definitely making them frustrated.

settling down in the living room, sunghoon speaks up. from a to z, he apologizes full heartedly and you hear him out until the end, not saying anything nor showing at sort of reaction until he was done.

"i don't expect you to forgive me soon y/n, but at least—"

"im not forgiving you anytime soon— but i'm sorry as well." you say, looking down onto your hands on your lap. sweaty from the nervousness. "it was wrong on my side too, for going behind your back to screw around with jay and hiding everything from you despite knowing i was betraying you the whole time."

sunghoon pulls you into an hug almost immediately, catching you by surprise but nevertheless you wrap your arms around him.

feeling at ease almost immediately, this felt like home and you had missed it so, so much.

"as you're happy y/n," sunghoon says, smiling as he hugs you tighter, finally making up with his sister, or so he thought.

"im not forgiving you yet—if you're genuine, you can start with, getting me any of the jungkook pc's on my wishlist."

"WHAT!"

"do you want to be forgiven or not, hoon?"

"fine…. i'll think about it."

the hug from sunghoon seemed to have helped with how rough some parts of the summer has been and how rough it's gonna get in the following final week.

the worst part of the summer has always been the ending.

you had your graduation later on the week and at the same time, the boys were going back to campus the day after.

as much as it sucks, life goes on and it shows how only in the end only memories are left behind, to be remembered.

"are you okay?" jay comes up behind you, pulling you into a hug from the back. only a few minutes ago, the boy behind you had sneaked into your room in the eerie hours of the night where you hoped only the two of you were awake.

because it was gonna be a hassle for jay to rush out just in case one of your parents or sunghoon walks in.

and you didn't want him to leave either, you wanted to make up the rest of the summer spending the best quality time with jay.

because the thought of losing him the moment summer ends, it just simply scares you.

"you've been spacing out for awhile now,"

you turn around with a small smile that jay immediately realizes is not genuine, so he takes your hand in his.

"something's up, what is it baby?"

you bite your lip before you speak up, holding his hands in yours.

"i was just thinking of what's gonna happen when this week ends." you say, sighing by the end of it.

"you're graduating."

"that's not it,"

"then? you're finally out of that hell hole?"

"no, that's not it too…."

"th—"

"it's you. you're leaving."

jay looks at you, blinking when he remembers that he's leaving by the end of the week as well. that's when he also realized how he won't get to hold you like this anymore, or kiss you whenever he wants to, or touch you, or have you underneath him, or take you out on dates, or hear your laugh, or see you.

perhaps for the time being, you both don't know what the future has in store for the two of you.

however, despite that, jay knows that you still can't help but think of cons of the summer ending.

"and?"

you blink, looking at jay in confusion, not sure if he heard what you had said or not.

"you're leaving jay,"

"okay, and? that's not going to change anything between us baby." he says, leaning down to your level, with a sweet smile.

"i'm still going to love you like i always have, my feelings for you will never change, if anything— it'll grow even more, because i'm never going to ever stop loving you," he says.

"but i get your point, we're gonna be apart, i’m gonna go back to campus and you're gonna start applying for university, we'll get busy and you're worried about falling off? right?"

it's like he can read you like an open book, you nod at your boyfriend.

"don't worry, we're not gonna fall off." he says, patting your head. "i'm gonna make it work, we'll make it work. even if i’m a million miles away from you— you'll forever be my favorite girl, the one i wanna hear my good mornings from and the one i wanna hear good job you did well, all my goodnight from and most importantly," he pauses to kiss faintly on your forehead.

"the only one i want to get i love you's from."

you smile shyly, trying to not blush at his sweet talking. but it's true, what he said it's vice versa. he's the one you need at the end of the way, he's the one you want to kiss in the summer rain, he's the one you want to capture so much of memories with, he's the one you want to give a victory kiss to and most importantly, he's the one you want to tell all your i love you's to.

with a small kiss back on his lips, you pull him into a hug, taking in his warmth as it radiates comfort and peace.

"i'm gonna miss you so, so much, jay."

"and im gonna miss and love you all the way from there, y/n."

just like that, days went by and here you were, on standby in the dress jay had gifted you and the graduation robe in top as you try to not pass out from the nervousness.

this was the moment you waited for your entire high school life, the times when you were sobbing over math work and wished how you wanted to graduate and leave the hell hole soon.

it was finally happening.

"Y/N, Y/L/N."

going up the stage, you saw your entire high school life flash before you as you were greeted by the principal and he handed you the certificate and scroll with congratulations.

when you got off the stage you were immediately greeted by your parents, pulling you into a hug and cheering congratulations you finally did it.

"save some for us!" you pull away and see wooyoung running towards you with his arms in the air as karina and seeun chasing behind him.

your bodies collide as you guys do a group hug, congratulating each other while wooyoung was full on sobbing his eyes out from you're not sure either not scoring choi san or if he was proud of himself for getting through the entire hell of a high school.

"bitchless and graduated!"

"that's both a W and L but me too," seeing agrees with wooyoung and those two pull each other into a hug as they cry on each other's shoulders.

karina and you laugh at those two, heart warm and fuzzy from the overwhelming emotions taking over.

"we're finally done huh?"

"yup, don't and over with." you agree, smiling at her.

"you don't have to cry about the pending assignments anymore."

"and you don't have to cry about getting the worst partner for projects and having to do all the work."

karina gasps and cheers. "FUCKING FINALLY IM FREE FROM THAT SHIT!"

you laugh at her overjoyed state, too indulge in it to not acknowledge the figure next to you, pulling you in a side hug.

"HOON!"

"congratulations loser." he says, and pulls you into a full hug this time, catching karina waving at you before she disappears into the crowd.

"thanks," you say, pinching his bicep making him wince but he smiles at you in pure proudness.

"you're all grown up now, time flies fast."

"you sound like a hag hoon, and we're barely a few years apart…" you grimace, shaking your head at how sappy he was, but deep down it made you happy.

"still, my little menace is all grown up now.." he says, and smiles at you. patting your head he says, "im so proud of you, you made it y/n."

you two just smile, and hug once more before your parents call sunghoon leaving you in the crowd alone as your eyes look around for a pair of eyes you wanted to meet so bad.

and when you do, you feel like your entire world just froze, and it was only the two of you, a moment only of the two of you, and only for you two.

jay walks towards you, looking like the most beautiful person you have ever seen, a bouquet in his hand that anyone would scream in awe at how gorgeous it looked— but to you, nothing was as gorgeous as the way he was looking at you with so much love and the pretty smile on his lips.

"i hope im not too late."

you smile, giggling as you shake your head. "no, you are not. you're just in time, if anything."

jay smiles back at you, and then looks at the bouquet in his hand, handing it to you.

"congratulations, my beautiful love."

you look at the bouquet, close up it looked breathtaking, but the one handing it to you was even more breathtaking.

"thank you," you smile, taking the bouquet from him.

"you look gorgeous today, y/n." he says taking your hand in his, smiling at you ear to ear as he admired your beauty.

he knew his choice has never gone wrong, but seeing you in a dress he had gifted you, you made the dress look like the most beautiful dress in the world worn by the most beautiful girl ever.

"thank you— you look amazing as well."

"well, it's to impress my beautiful girlfriend that i very much love wholeheartedly."

"oh really? she must be really grateful then," you pause, pulling him closer by his wrist. "for having the most beautiful boyfriend in the world as well."

closing the remaining gap between you two, jay slips his arm around your waist, pulling you into a kiss where the two of your lips move against each others gracefully.

connecting your fingers between his, as the two of you kiss is making the butterflies in your tummy grow ten times more.

pulling away as you two catch after your breaths, forehead leaning against each other.

"I'm so proud of you, your congratulatory gift is after the match tonight,"

"any hints?"

"you and i both are gonna love it and have so much fun."

"YOU GOT THIS PARK. YOUR FINAL GAME FOR THE SUMMER."

jay gives sunghoon a tight lipped smile, nodding as his best friend encourages him.

"and aim straight for the finish line."

"you know me man, i never miss." jay replies, chuckling dryly while his eyes still wanders around the stadium, feeling anxiously nervous.

"you seem like you're gonna miss tonight though," sunghoon says, crossing his arms displeased. jay looks back at him and then sighs.

"if you're looking for y/n i think she's prolly wasted— she and her friends are out partying and i d—"

"found her." jay says, a smile immediately growing on his lips. he winks at sunghoon before heading over to you. "catch ya later hoon."

he had been worried all night, worried you wouldn't had make it in time for the match he wanted you to be at. after all, it's the final one for the summer, and it's the first ever match he's had a girl wanting to cheer him on for.

you rush over to your boyfriend, cheeks flushed and hair bit of a mess from all the head bopping back at wooyoung's house, getting wasted from the after party.

you were drunk, but sober enough to be aware of your surrounding yet still drunk enough to wanting to sob over how gorgeous of a man, jay is.

with his disheveled hair blowing slightly in the wind, and cheeks flushed probably from the chill breeze of the summer, and how fucking hot he looked in his racing attire with an helmet held around his waist.

"hey baby, i thought you were gonna miss out on me." jay greets, smiling brightly at you, his cheeks starting to ache already.

you seemed to look so beautiful under the lights in the stadium, making you look as gorgeous as ever. with the way your cheeks were flushed, jay figured you were probably wasted, but cutely.

"i'd never, im sorry im a little late though," you giggle, "if i reek of alcohol im sorry, again— the after-party was crazy, i wasn't gonna get wasted but im not too drunk ei—"

"you're so cute."

"what?"

"you're so cute my heart can burst," jay says, chuckling at you as he ruffles your hair and then cups your cheek in his hand. "it's fine baby, no worries. as long you're here, it's all that matters."

"ahhh you're so!" you whine, hiding your face from how he was making you blush. jay laughs, pulling away your hand.

"stop hiding your face," he says, giggling when your try to fight him back but it was to no avail.

"jay, you're on next!" sunghoon calls for jay, waving at him and the pointing onto the tracks which jay nods and then turns back to you.

"i gotta go," he says, and then leans down to your level, looking into your bright eyes. "cheer me on?"

you smile, nodding and then lean forward and place a peck on his lips.

"you got this, goodluck my baby."

placing another peck back, jay pulls away and puts on his helmet, does some adjustment and heads over to sunghoon before getting into his car.

you watch him for a second before heading over to the VIP section where jay said he had a sport reserved for you at. however when you got there, you weren't really expecting to see someone.

"HEE?"

"y/n!" he smiles, standing up and giving you a brief hug, then leading you to your spot next to him.

"i wasn't really expecting to see you here," you say, chuckling as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as it was getting your view.

"me neither, but hoon forced me to be here and i figured why not— it's my final night here, im leaving next morning back to the town."

you nod, oohing him and then focus back onto the game when you hear the announcement of the race starting.

"1, 2, 3!"

the entire arena lights up and going crazy, cheering for their choice when the racers are off the starting line, onto the tracks. you keep your gaze focused on jay's car, cheering him on along side with heeseung in the cube.

sunghoon was cheering jay on even more, standing by the front with his arms crossed like he's the boy's coach.

"are you cold?"

y/n turns to face heeseung who's already taking off his jacket for you, catching you by surprise, not knowing heeseung had realized how you've been shivering slightly from the AC in the tube.

"oh, uhm—"

"just take it, you're shaking." heeseung says, and drapes the jacket over your body and you just give him a short smile and nod before the two of you are startled by the crowd groaning and sunghoon scoffing.

"shit! man keep your head fucking straight! you're all over the place!" he grunts, displeased at the turn jay just took that erupted his fans and your brother.

clearly he wouldn't have if he didn't catch heeseung putting his fucking jacket over his girl. it somehow seemed to have piss him off although he's truly aware that heeseung has no intentions of hitting on you, but you can never actually trust men.

"fuck," jay breathes, taking a sharp turn overtaking the rest of the racers and the way his lips curved up into a smirk when he neared the end of the straightaway.

the cheers in the arena got louder and you along with the rest were on the edge when another racer catches up to jay.

"fuck he's gotta make it," you say, worried as the two seem to be on their extreme speed. nibbling on your lips, you watch the race, chest heaving up and down anxiously.

jay's steps on the fuel, overtaking the other racer speeding past the finish line, his adrenaline fueling his heart to beat rapidly and on cue, the announcers announce the win as the entire arena cheer and fireworks in the arena go off.

jay's grip loosens on the steering wheel as he waits for the voice to come in through his helmet headset.

"thirty six seconds," catching onto that jay finishes a few cool-down laps and then gets off the track after stopping his car. as soon as he gets down he finds you running out of the cube, heeseung's jacket falling off your shoulders and for some reason it makes his ego inflate.

jay takes off his helmet and tosses it off to a extremely happy sunghoon who's too busy to worry about his sister and his best friend about to make up right Infront of him.

"YOU DID IT!" you cheer, running towards him and collapsing right into his arms, gripped right around your body as he twirls you around.

time stands still and it feels like it's only the two of you, hearts eating against your ribcages, cheeks aching from how hard you two were smiling, adrenaline rushing through your veins, the night couldn't feel anymore alive and better.

pulling away, jay is still holding onto you as you two giggle, looking into each others eyes.

with a smile, you cup jay's face and pull him into the sweetest kiss of the entire summer. a kiss filled with so much of young love, so much of happiness, proudness, so much of joy— a kiss that's for sure to be remembered.

with your foreheads leaning against each other, you smile at the extremely happy and smile jay.

"the victory kiss. you did so well baby," you say, and place a kiss on his forehead, arms locked around his neck.

"god i'm so in love with you." he says, and leaning in, kissing you with his arms wrapped around your waist, dress flowing in the breeze and the warmth radiating of your skin, this is home for him.

"are you two gonna cut it out or?"

"we're not," jay says, looking at sunghoon who's clearly not amused with the two of sucking off each others face as if he wasn't just jumping off the ground, too joyfull from his best friend's win.

"wh—"

"give me the box."

"what box?"

"the one i gave you earlier, idiot!" jay hisses and sunghoon nods in realization, fishing out the tiny box from his pocket and handing it to jay.

jay takes it from him and opens it up, revealing a carved necklace with the two of your names and stars decorated around it. so simple yet so meaningful that it's starting to bring up tears in your eyes and you feel like you're completely sober now.

"may i?" he asks, taking out the necklace and then you nod, fisting your hair and letting him put the necklace around your neck.

"it's… beautiful."

"yeah, like you."

you smile looking up at him.

"i got you this, cause i 'm leaving for now— but i'm always gonna be here with you." he says, touching the necklace around your neckline. "always."

"im gonna make us work, im never going to stop loving you because like i said, im gonna love you till the end. there's nothing that's impossible for us, and i need you y/n." he says, rubbing his thumb against your cheek when he cups your face once again.

"if the multiverse is real, i want to be with you in every each of it. and love you to the fullest in every each of it, i'll prove it."

closing your eyes, tears fall down your cheeks. holding in your sob, you nod profusely, smiling at jay, the absolute love of your entire life.

"i love you."

"i love you too, and more."

giggling, the two of your kiss once more and pull into a big hug.

"so it's final?" heeseung judges sunghoon who seemed up have teared up as well, from how happy his both sister and best friend were in the moment, absolutely admiring them.

"yup, it's final."

and like jay said, you too— hoped that if the multiverse is real, you want to be with him, and love him to the fullest in every each of it. because you'll always chose him.

your summer fling.

you couldn't have asked for a better summer, and this one, has yet to be best so far. best memories with the best friends of yours, the best brother you could ever ask for—

and again, the best summer fling— the best boy you love wholeheartedly, you could ever ask for.

1K notes · View notes

enharcv · 2 years

Text

afterglow | lee heeseung

THE SWIFT PROJECT : VOL 1 [ LEE HEESEUNG ]

pairing ‣ bf!heeseung x gf!fem reader ft sunghoon & jake (enhypen)

genre ‣ established relationship , lovers to exes , heavy angst , slight fluff , miscommunication between characters.

warnings ‣ not proofread! profanities + a lot of arguing....

rating ‣ 16+

wc ‣ 11k

a/n ‣ hii i’m back with another series for the hyung line and this series is highly inspired by taylor swift songs, a lot of her songs has always inspired my writings so here is a whole series inspired by her songs :) first volume is heeseung’s and it’s quite angsty bc it’s about her track afterglow from lover. also this fic is also dedicated to a very good friend of mine, in celebratory of her finishing her examinations, here is an afterglow fic for her heeseung biased ass <3

playlist ‣ afterglow - taylor swift , a teenager in love - dion & the belmonts , undercover martyn - two door cinema club , my jinji - sunset rollercoaster , not too late - ateez , how’m i doing - eric nam , love in the dark - adele , somewhere only we know - keane & astronomy - conan gray.

"HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?”

heeseung asking you that question felt like a knife stab in your heart. the apartment goes silent except for the heavy breathing of heeseung and the muffled cries from you.

"what the fuck? are you hearing yourself right now heeseung?" you ask him, staring at him with bloodshot, teary eyes filled with so much anger and frustration.

heeseung sighs, he didn’t mean to say that, his annoyance and frustration had got the best of him. guilt is already pilling up when he looks at you staring at him in disbelief and heartbreak.

"i didn't mean that," heeseung trails off, walking towards you but you put your hand up to stop him.

"don't come near me."

heeseung sighs, rubbing his temple frustratedly as he stops in his tracks.

this was the fifth fight you've had with heeseung today, and it's over a minor issue. it's been happening a lot lately, fights about the smallest thing turning into bigger ones.

“let’s end it.”

the three words rang through your head as you stood from the opposite of the man you love, unfortunately. tears that brimmed around your eyes were now finally flowing down your cheeks when you closed your eyes, taking it in.

lee heeseung just asked for a breakup.

never have you ever thought this day would ever arrive, in fact, you thought it never existed, up until now— up until he fell out of love.

“what?” your voice is just barely audible when you speak up, your gaze lingering on heeseung where he stood from the other end of the room, staring at you with almost nothing in his eyes.

just darkness and emptiness, not a single ounce of love left. even if there were any left, heeseung kept it well hidden.

“let’s break up, y/n.” heeseung says, a tint of guilt laced in your voice as he spoke to his former lover, not really but he’s getting to that point. “it’s for the best.”

"heeseung what? over this? are being serious right now?"

silence falls over the both of you, heeseung just avoiding your gaze as his lips remain shut.

you bite your lip to refrain from quivering, your heart breaking into pieces when he replies to you, it makes you want to just hope it’s all just a nightmare you could wake up from.

“is there someone else?”

“y/n…” heeseung sighs and your guts fall to the pit of your stomach.

“there’s someone else?”

“y/n no but—”

“then?” you ask, staring at him dumbfoundedly, and heeseung tried to hold back from running to you, pulling you into his arms and comforting you but he’s the cause you’re heartbroken in your living room with tear stained cheeks.

“it’s not working out, we aren’t working out.” heeseung says, and looks away, avoiding your painfully heartbreaking gaze.

“what are you talking about? heeseung nothing’s wrong, what do you mean by we aren’t working out?” you ask, voice raised but it’s evident that you’ve been crying if it wasn’t obvious already.

“heeseung please answer me.” you call him out, walking over and grabbing his arm but heeseung is quick to yank it off.

“i don’t love you anymore for god’s sake!”

you take a step back as guilt washes over heeseung when hurt flashes across your face. the man before you isn’t the one you loved once, he isn’t the one who you’ve known pretty much for the entirety of your life.

you both fall into a silence until he speaks up again.

“y/n—”

“is it something i did?” you ask, taking a deep breath when you look back at him. you couldn’t understand why you just couldn’t let him go, just call it quits too.

it felt like you were betraying yourself if you just let him go after all those years of dedicating your youth to this love, and giving him your all— you felt like you’d just be letting it all go to waste without fighting for it.

you were beyond desperate to save this, thus you gave it your all even if it’s taking the blame, you’d do it.

“i’m sorry, it’s my fault.” you say, falling to your knees as you look at the floor, silently sobbing. heeseung’s heart breaks when he sees you falling to your knees, oh he could never forgive himself for this, ever.

“heeseung i’m sorry, we can fix this please.” your pleas made heeseung want to burn himself and never face you ever again. he falls to the ground, taking your hands in his.

“y/n, get up please. don’t do this.” he begs, looking at you as he rubs your cold hands together, warming it up.

“i c— i can’t give up on us, heeseung.” you don’t stop crying although you feel short on air, the lightheaded feeling adding to the pulsing in your head just meant no good, but you had to keep it together to save your relationship.

“i’ll the blame for our fallout if i have to heeseung, don’t give up on us. please.”

you didn’t want to do this to him, you didn’t want to hold him back from a relationship that’s holding him back or suffocating him. as toxic as it sounded, from your point of view, heeseung isn’t the only one that’s hurting.

him walking away from you, is hurting you in the worst way possible.

you want to hear him say he’s still yours, and that you’ll be just fine— you want him to tell you that it isn’t your fault and that the relationship isn’t failing and that you’re all he wants.

“it’s all me heeseung please, just don’t go.”

“y/n please.”

you fall into his arms, crying your heart out, your heart aching as the sounds in the living room are your wails and heeseung’s soft sniffles apart from the deafening silence.

“i don’t want to hurt you anymore, it’s just not the same… we can’t go on like this, you’ll just end up getting hurt.” heeseung mutters, grabbing your arms softly as a tear slips from his eye.

“you’re hurting me by doing this heeseung.” you scoff, wiping your continuously streaming tears off, but it was to no use.

“let's at least try to fix this.”

he looks at you hesitantly, his heart says take the chance you idiot, but his mind says otherwise to save you from the hurt afterwards.

he clenches his fist to hold back from shaking when he looks down.

“heeseung, please.”

“it’s no use if we’re not going to work out either way in the end, y/n.” heeseung says, pleading you to stop trying, it was for the best he thinks so.

“at least we tried okay? if it just ended without us trying, i don’t think i can do it heeseung.” you sigh, frowning at him. “don’t be selfish heeseung, i have feelings too—”

“i’m not being selfish y/n, i’m doing this for you, for us.”

“why the fuck are you deciding that for me!” you scoff, furrowing your eyebrows as you look at him in disbelief. all his reasons and lies shielded up behind ‘i’m doing this for us’.

“stop saying that, if so you don’t even know what i want!"

you clutch onto your shirt, technically to hold back from crying again but it just fails when you speak up again.

“what i want is—” you exhale, and look up at him again. “for us to not end.”

heeseung remains silent, he doesn’t know what to say anymore, what to defend himself by anymore. he’s made this mess, he definitely feels like you’re unhappy now.

“one month.” you speak up again after the silence begins to become too thick, and suffocating. “we’ll try for a month. if it doesn’t work then let’s break up.”

heeseung watches you stand up, shaking when he reaches out his hand to help, you don’t take it. he just sighs and follows your lead, standing up.

wiping your cheeks and eyes, you give him a small hopeless smile, it didn’t even seem like a smile but gave him some sort of assurance and hope.

"let’s talk about this in the morning,” you say, and turn on your heels to leave the living room and into the room that you both now no longer share.

when you’re about to disappear into the room, the faint “i’m sorry.” by heeseung doesn’t go unnoticed by you and immediately sends you into sobs when you finally close the door behind you.

heeseung feels like the once cheerful and joy-filled home is now deserted and empty despite the both of you being home, but separated and without love. while you’re bawling your heart out in silence, heeseung leaves the house with a sigh.

he reminds himself once again, it was for the best and that all the good things will come to an end eventually.

YOU FIRST MET heeseung in high school, it really hasn’t been so long but it feels as if you’ve known him forever.

it rained that day, and you remember having a fight with your mother so you were hesitating to head back home so you stayed back at school,

hanging out by yourself in the music room.

your fingers strumming against the guitar strings as if you knew how to play it, you didn’t but you somehow wished you could’ve. your fingers were beginning to hurt but you liked how it sounded.

“you’re gonna hurt your fingers if you do that.” a voice from afar spoke, and it made you almost drop the guitar when your heart stopped for a moment.

“excuse me— you gave me a heart attack!” you gasp at the stranger setting the guitar down. when he came into view, you couldn’t help but admire the boy.

he looked around your age, possibly he could be in your class but you might have never noticed him.

he had to be the most handsome person you've ever met if you're being honest.

he had his bag slung over his shoulders with his hands in his pockets as he stared at you with a faint smile.

"i'm gonna ask you if you play, cause by the looks of it, you obviously don't." he laughs and it sounds like honey, you are already swept off your feet.

"no shit sherlock." you scoff, placing the guitar back onto its stand. "what are you listening to?"

you look at the headphone he has hung around his neck, but you can hear the music still playing faintly.

"a teenager in love, by dion & the belmonts," he replies, taking his headphones off his neck.

"no way, i love that song!" you exclaim, gasping at his reply. it's pretty rare to find guys who are into classics, now he seems more attractive to you.

"wanna listen?"

"huh—" before you could say anything, the boy puts his headset on you and the rain sound just disappears as the song takes on the sound.

you give him a big grin as the song plays which he smiled back at.

heeseung didn't know it was possible for someone to look this pretty in the dim rainy light, but the stranger in front of him proved him wrong.

and the fact you also know the song he's obsessed with makes things even better, on his hand.

all his friends are into r&b and hip hop, not that he's shaming them for it but classics are gold, it's rare to find people who enjoy listening to classics.

your pretty smile grows as you bop your head to the music, heeseung can't help but let his lips turn upwards admiring you, he loved the feeling he was feeling, comforting warmth and joy.

"hey! who's in there!" light flashes into the room which makes heeseung's eyes widened in horror, panicking that you both might get caught for staying back in the school compound past school hours.

"fuck!"

heeseung grabs your hand and holds onto his back, dragging you across the classroom and exiting the classroom as the security guard chases after you both.

"hey!" taking off the headset, you gasp at the boy taking you in his hand and running out of the room suddenly.

"my bag!" you exclaim and the both of you turn to stare at each other. rushing back hand in hand, you both head back took your bag as quick as you could, and sprinted out.

♪ And if you should say goodbye, I'll still go on loving you ♪

laughs leaving the both of you as you both ran for your life, hands holding onto each other, it seemed like a fairytale— too good to be true.

"hey, here!" heeseung says, pulling you into a cornered space. you both fit yourselves in, taking deep breaths, calming down.

practically sticking onto each other, you try to catch your breath as you place your forehead against his heaving chest.

your action is unnoticed by you, however not by heeseung because it's making his mind go frenzy, and his stomach flips.

this is the first and most a stranger has ever made him feel so giddy and….. weirdly good.

"w-we got away, luckily," you say, exhaling and chuckling at the incident which makes heeseung laugh too.

"mhmm," heeseung hums, looking down at you and seeing you looking up at him with a grin.

"you're pretty."

"i know."

you both laugh, warming up the situation.

"it's y/n by the way, y/n y/l/n."

"heeseung. lee heeseung."

and that's when your history with him begins, starting from the random visits to your classes, random cafeteria trips to weekly dates, and then meeting each other's friends and families. him asking you out was like finding a fork in the kitchen, so when you both had announced that you were officially going out together— they weren’t surprised but regardless the congratulatory still happened.

dating heeseung was amazing, you looked forward to everything, found happiness in the smallest things ever, you got to experience such a beautiful love that you’d never want to trade for anything ever in the entire world.

your first kiss with him was beyond magical, it still feels so unreal when the image is printed in your mind from the memories is still clear as a day.

arms around your waist with your hands locked around his neck as the two lips connected like puzzle pieces, perfectly as if it was made for each other. just the two of you, the sound of your breathing and the touches it all felt way too real to be true.

graduating meant a big new phase of your life began, and with heeseung, by your side, all your worries were left aside because with heeseung you had nothing to worry about. when you applied for university, it was a nerve-wracking experience, but heeseung being by your side made things so much better.

by luck, you both were accepted into the same university but different departments. you were happy for him and he was happy for you, you both made time despite being busy just to see each other.

everything meant so much to you, late-night runs to the convenience store, random bumping into each other on the way to class, break time, midnight meet-ups in your own dorms.

not long after a few years into university, you both decided to move in together, and that was a big step for you and heeseung in your lives. moving in meant a big change in your relationship, it was like being married without being married.

things were good, everything went well as it made a lot of things easier for the both of you, a lot of time and energy was saved too. but the cons that came along with living together were meant to surface soon too.

arguments happened more than usual, and each time you’d take the blame for it in hopes of never losing heeseung. staying out late, staying away from each other, the time you both were supposed to spend with each other was spent with others or alone.

you should’ve taken that as a sign that everything was falling apart.

falling in love is amazing, it does wonders. but it also has its downsides too.

YOUR EYES shot open, waking up in the middle of the night covered in a thin layer of sweat and uneasiness. you barely slept after crying and heeseung left.

you couldn’t, it was eating you alive. the fact that you were dying to save a sinking relationship for the sake of all these years you’ve spent loving him.

stirring awake in your empty bed a few hours ago, when you finally managed to fall into your slumber but are soon awakened a few hours later. you stepped outside of the bedroom into the eerily silent house.

coming into the living room, you hoped to see your first love lying on the couch just being there in case you woke up. but he wasn’t it, though it was just you hoping there were chances for it, you couldn’t help but feel the pain in your heart when you didn’t see anyone there.

lying down on the couch, your eyes bore into the ceiling of the apartment.

all you could feel was emptiness, there was nothing left but hurt, and your now worthless love lingering in your heart.

when memories began to flash across your mind, you shut your eyes close in hopes of it going away. you had no energy left to cry, it pained to you relive it all again.

a sigh leaves your mouth as you relax your mind, trying to fall back asleep. it worked cause you were sleeping soundly away after that, you didn’t wake up again after that, until the sun rose and you were woken up by the bell ringing.

scratching your eyes, you sit up staring at the door, confused. not that you were expecting anyone, but if it was heeseung, he has a key, he wouldn’t be ringing the bell. you wondered what plans you both had planned for the day, it was the weekend anyway.

oh.

that’s when the memories of the previous night come rushing in, the fight, the cries, the pleas, the breakup, the let’s try again and all.

the sudden ring again interrupts you from your daze. getting up, you head towards the door and answer it, only to be confused.

“i’m not expecting any parcels?” you say, more like a question but the guy in front of you gave you a smile.

“greetings miss, we aren’t here to deliver your parcel.” he says, and chuckles lightly. “we’re here to pick up things.”

“sorry, what?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows. “are you sure you’ve got the right address?” you ask again, crossing your arms.

the man clears his throat, looking at the unit number and then back to his phone, confirming the address.

“we believe it’s right, mr.lee heeseung lives here right?”

“give me a second,” you excuse yourself, closing the door and rushing to the room to get your phone. switching it on, you see you’ve received a text from heeseung a few hours ago.

your heart drops when you see the text, a frown immediately taking upon your lips.

my heeseung <3 [ 4h ago ]

i’ll have people picking up my things later

don’t trouble yourself sending over anything, i got it handled.

sorry for the late notice.

sighing, you set down your phone and try not the break into tears. has he really given up on you? on the both of you?

deciding to save the crying for later, you let the people in and let them pack heeseung’s things. it pained you to see his things being cleared up and taken away. you wanted to break down right there and then.

“how much is it?” you ask the guy, which he shakes his head to.

“oh, it’s already paid for.” he says and you nod. “there’s a few things left, i’ll stop by later to pick them up.”

“no it’s fine, i’ll send it over myself. you can leave,” you say, giving him a small smile and showing him the exit. shutting the door behind you, you couldn’t help but sigh at how the house was even more empty.

it felt like you’ve just lost everything in your life and now you’re stranded, not knowing what to do. you still have to send over heeseung’s remaining items and talk it out with him about the one-month thing.

you still have another chance, to fix everything right and get him back.

“WHAT AN ASSHOLE!” sunoo scoffs, taking a sip from his strawberry smoothie while yours remained untouched and full. you give him a sigh and bite the nugget you’ve been holding on to for hours now.

having no appetite didn’t seem the biggest worry to you at the moment.

“ah, if i was there i would’ve beat his ass for breaking your heart.” he groans frustratedly. “such a jerk, oh my god.”

“let it go, sunoo.” you sigh, waving him off and chewing on the nugget.

“no i can’t! this asshole just broke your heart and you want me to just chill around?” you shake your head at his response and gave him a small smile, the one you could muster up from the tiny bit of energy you still had left, surprisingly.

“so what do i do now?”

sunoo is your junior, and your potential best friend. it’s hard to keep up with your friends these days since everyone is pretty much busy with studying and partying out there with no worries and commitment.

not that you’re jealous but going through a breakup at the moment isn’t exactly on your bucket list but here you are, right?

sunoo clicks with you pretty well and the only con about him is that he is not really a fan of heeseung but he respects you and your choices.

“you kill him.”

“sunoo!”

“what? i’m being serious!”

you give him a glare, sighing when he’s still looking over you with an annoying smile.

“and i’m being serious too, i’m clueless right now so i’d appreciate your help,” you say, tapping the table with your index finger.

“ugh fine,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “talk it out with him first.”

“well if it isn’t obvious,” you say, but shut up immediately when he shoots you a glare.

“be clear about what you want, don’t visit him now but after a few days— he’s probably collecting his thoughts or already onto other hoes.” you frown at his guess and sigh at the assumption.

“let’s be positive and hope he’s collecting his thoughts and getting his shit together,” he grunts and sips on his smoothie.

“mention the one-month thing, be sure to do that— if anything just call me and i’ll beat his ass up if he fucks up again.”

“sunoo there’s no need for that,” you say, and cross your arms as you lean forwards. “if he just decides to give up, i guess i will too. there’s no point fighting for something that’s already lost then.”

days have passed by and you’ve been locked up in the apartment other than heading out to classes. you haven’t seen heeseung ever since, and it’s been bothering you to be frank.

is he okay? how’s he doing? is he eating well?

and most importantly, does he think about you? does he wonder about you as you do about him? you have a feeling he doesn’t but you’d just be hurting yourself then, so having a bit of hope won’t hurt you.

you sighed, sinking further into the couch, watching the tv while your mind is actually nowhere close to focusing on the show. you chug down another glass of soju, burping when you shoot it down your pipe.

your stomach grumbles but you ignore it and take another chug of the soju. you don’t remember when you’ve last eaten a good meal, yesterday? before yesterday?

you’ve been solely depending on the soju and whatever is leftover in the fridge, you barely got yourself together. a big mess is what you are. you chuckle at how heeseung is supposed to be like this instead of you, that’s how they show in the movies.

you pick up the glass to take another sip but the bell rang through the house interrupts you. you try not to stumble and fall when you make your way to the door. when you open the door, no one is there but before you can close it, your attention is caught by the bag on the floor.

crouching down, you examine the bag. it seemed to contain a box inside. taking the bag you shut the door and head to the kitchen.

“huh?” you slur confused as you look at the food. it doesn’t look homecooked, with the packaging and all which immediately raises a suspicion in you.

“oh my god,” you gasp, closing the box back. “what if it’s poisoned?”

shoving the bag into the trash can, you head back to the couch. the last thing you wanted tonight was to get drugged and get robbed by whoever left the food for you considering you weren’t sober enough to order anything on your phone.

as the night goes on, the tipsier you get and soon you’re passed out on the couch.

HANGOVER is the worst thing to exist, but you yourself were to blame. you woke up with an awfully painful headache and threw up in the toilet. you decided to get it together today, that’s enough drinking and mourning over the not even fully breakup.

you hadn’t gotten the closure yet.

when you walked out of the shower, you got a text from sunoo.

sunoo jr [ a few seconds ago ]

visit ur trashy ex today and fix things

don't forget, don’t ignore me y/n!

and so you listened to him. to be honest, if you were not heartbroken and overthinking yourself, you would’ve chased after heeseung the moment he walked out, but because so many things changed in a short time, you needed to get yourself together.

at least you’re living up to the breakup tradition that all your friends experienced.

stuffing heeseung’s remaining things and taking off the bed sheets from the bed that you haven’t slept on for days, you put it aside, to throw it away later on.

after settling everything you texted jake to find out if he was at his place. getting a no from him you ask him if he knows if heeseung is staying elsewhere and he gives you an address.

given that he didn’t ask what happened and why you’re asking about his whereabouts you’re assuming he’s aware of the so called breakup.

when you arrive at the address, you realize it’s sunghoon’s place who is another friend of heeseung. you pick up the box and walk up to his front porch. you wait as you ring the bell, hearing footsteps nearing.

“wh— y/n?” sunghoon gasps when he sees you. you give him a small smile and nod.

“is heeseung here?” you ask, and you see sunghoon hesitate but then nod, opening the door wider when he sees you with a box.

“he’s upstairs, do you want me to get him downstairs?” sunghoon asks, closing the door behind him.

“it’s fine. he’s in..?” you trail off not knowing where to find heeseung.

“the room in your left, up the stairs.” sunghoon says pointing to the left. you give him another smile and thank him before you make your way up to the room.

when you’re in front of the door, you suddenly feel like you want to rewind and go back, wishing you never came here. but your hand goes up to knock it, deciding to just face whatever that’s to come.

“dude, i said i—” the door opens and heeseung stands there with an annoyed expression before it falls to a shocked one when he sees you instead of sunghoon.

“y-y/n?”

“can we talk?”

having a meal with heeseung has to be the awkwardest thing you’ve ever done so far, and it’s killing you. you don’t look up at him, just straight into the bowl of icy cold broth noodles.

“why are you here?” heeseung sets down his chopsticks, and looks up to you. he notices the pale face you’re looking at him with, the ones that used to be full of color and warmth. and it’s all gone now.

the dark bags under your eyes were poking at him too and the fake smile you put up.

it pains him. it pains you.

when heeseung looks at you, you feel your insides churn in the worst ways possible, he looks miserable. the dark circles around his eyes and the look plastered on his face, it makes you want to give him the biggest hug.

but you can’t.

“how have you been?” you ask, your voice breaking slightly at the end but you cover it up with a cough.

“you could’ve just let the delivery man send my things back.” he sighs and frowns at you.

“that defeats the whole point of me being here, heeseung.” the way his name rolls off your tongue makes his heart beat fast. it feels like it’s been so long to him when it has only been a week.

“do you really want to do this to us heeseung? it isn’t necessary at all, i’ll apologize if it’s anything i did wrong,” you say, and the sudden change of his expression gave you quite the chills.

“what did you do wrong then?”

“what?”

“you’re saying you’ll apologize for something you did wrong then tell me what did you do wrong y/n?” you stare at him dumbfoundedly as you did not know the answer yourself.

what did you do wrong?

“heeseung,” you trail off but he just scoffs.

“you don’t even know what’s wrong but you’re apologizing, what's wrong with you y/n?”

his words cut deep like a knife, but you don’t show it. you just look at your clammy hands, trying to not cry from heeseung getting mad.

“you’re so—” heeseung sighs, looking away. “clueless and a pushover?”

you bite onto your lips to stop quivering, and hold the tears back.

“gosh y/n, what is seriously wrong with you?”

that question makes your heart stop and drop to the pit of your stomach. heeseung stops in his tracks when he realizes what he just said. he needs to stop letting his frustration the best of him and say meaningless mean stuff to you.

“don’t speak to me like that,” you say, looking up at him with glossy eyes that made his heart break. guilt builds over him when he opens his mouth to say something but you cut him to it.

“i can't believe you." you sigh, shaking your head as you place your utensils on the table.

"you're saying that as if you've never loved me heeseung, if i was always like that you wouldn't be doing this now— you wouldn't have even dated me if i was like that!"

your voice rang through the house, while you stared at him and heeseung staring back speechless.

you waited for an im sorry. from him but it didn't come, so you got up from your seat.

"you're unbelievable, i'm leaving."

“wait y/n, no!” heeseung gets up from the table in haste, to hold you back.

“i— at least say what you wanted to say before you go.”

he’s not wrong, you should at least tell him what you wanted before you left after being disgraced, and you hated yourself so much so sitting back down.

love makes you do stupid things.

you both sit back in silence as you wipe your tears off and heeseung drowned in guilt.

you felt like an idiot.

“i don’t want to give up on us, yet,” you say, and sigh. you feel like shit, after all that and your heart still tells you to not give up yet.

heeseung just nods, urging you to continue.

“one month is all i need. we try again for a month, and if it doesn’t work i’ll just drop it.” you say, and look up at heeseung hesitantly. you wish you knew why he’s even acting like this all of a sudden, why the person that once valued the relationship so much more than you is now willing to just let it slip through his fingers.

“you want us to waste our time? why do you want to waste your time on us y/n?”

“because i still love you.” you reply in a heartbeat. “i’m willing to put my pride and respect behind for us, heeseung, for the time we spent with each other,” you say, giving him a sigh.

heeseung just stares at you sympathetically.

“okay.” he says and you feel the hope in your light up. “it’s the least i can do,”

the rest of the meal just goes on with neither of you speaking up and sunghoon nowhere to be found downstairs, leaving you both to yourselves. when you’re done eating, you feel somewhat okay again after a long time.

leaving hurt you, but the fact you’ll see him again next week kept you in tact.

“i’ll call you if i have any change of plans.” heeseung says, and leans against the door as he watches you turn around to leave.

for a second, i love you almost slipped past his lips but heeseung held himself back on time.

"y/n." you turn around to heeseung calling you.

"don't leave your door wide open when you're alone, it's dangerous." he says, brushing his hair away from his eyes. "be careful."

you just nod and get into your car swiftly, and drive off parting your ways with heeseung. he sighs, closing the door behind him.

while a part of him was drowning in guilt, the other part was worried for you as he is no longer by your side to protect you anymore.

he wonders if you had eaten the meal he left by your doorstep the day before or not as he goes up the stairs and buries himself in the rented room.

THE FOLLOWING WEEK comes by and you find yourself waiting in a coffee shop, fingers tapping against the table as you wait for heeseung.

the two of you had agreed on meeting at a coffee shop for the first meet of the week and you went out of your way to get ready.

it felt like you were preparing to go on the very first date with heeseung all over again. opting for your favorite sundress, and a perfect makeup look you spent hours on.

it was all perfect, you hoped for a positive change in your relationship, you hoped he'd fall in love again when he sees you today.

you were excited for him, you arrived earlier than the time you both decided for, too excited and happy to see heeseung again.

"here's your drink, miss."

you give a small smile to the waiter as he places your drink on the table and a napkin by it.

"thank you." you say, and take a sip from the drink expecting the waiter to leave but he continues to wait there by your table.

you look up at him confused.

"i don't usually do this but if you're interested," he says, flipping the napkin around and you see a phone number written in it, who you're assuming is the waiter's.

"oh, uh." you speak up, clearing your throat awkwardly and look at him with a frown but before you could say anything else, the waiter excuses himself shyly.

you could worry less about this guy, all that mattered to you was your heeseung.

sighing, you sink into your seat, awaiting heeseung's appearance.

fifteen minutes passes by, and you're done with your drink by then, still waiting for heeseung.

every time the doorbell rings, you look up hoping it's heeseung but it's someone else every time.

thirty minutes passes by and you're sighing in disappointment, tired from waiting for him. the fourth five minutes passes by and you're exhausted from your second cup of tea and waiting for your boyfriend.

an hour passes by and the time of your meetup is over, you begin to wonder if heeseung is even going to show up at this rate.

when you pick up your phone to refresh the chat, you see your texts are still on delivered asking when heeseung is going to arrive and not a single reply to it.

deciding to give up, you get up from your seat and as soon as you do, it starts to pour outside.

"wow," you mutter to yourself, unphased by the unfortunate series of events. first you're stood up by your boyfriend, now it's raining cats and dogs and you don't have an umbrella.

after paying and ignoring the pity looks from everyone around you, you exit the coffee shop, standing under the shade, waiting for the rain to become calmer before you can run under it.

if you were to run now, you'd be soaked head to toe.

you put your hand out and the raindrops fall into your hand, wetting it as you sigh.

you felt like crying. from being stood up, from being in this mess that you brought upon yourself. you wished you didn't love heeseung this much, you hated that you couldn’t let him go no matter how bad it was.

you wished you never met heeseung, you'd never have to go through this had you never met him.

with a disappointed sigh, you placed your bag above your head and ran to your car, getting into it as fast as you could to avoid getting soaked.

even with the bag, you still managed to get wet from the rain.

it's like even if you wished that you didn't love heeseung so much, you'd still be hurting this way because it's how it's meant to be.

and as you sat in your car, drying yourself as you felt bad for yourself for getting stood up on, the doorbell rings in the coffee shop and heeseung finally walks in.

he looks around for you, but you're nowhere to be found. he sees a waiter cleaning up a table as he approaches him.

"hey excuse me, uh was there a lady here wai—"

"oh, you're the guy that stood her up."

"what?" heeseung asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he stares at the guy, confused.

"too bad man, she just left. you came too late." he says, shrugging and leaving heeseung by the table, frowning.

too late.

he takes his phone out, and sees you've texted him. heeseung's heart breaks when he sees texts asking him when he's coming and that you're still waiting for him.

he sighs before calling you but as expected you don't answer, it doesn't surprise him but he feels disappointed.

deciding to give up, he throws the bouquet he had bought earlier for you in the trash and leaves the café in guilt and sadness.

and it's been a few days since the failed date, neither of you had contacted each other. you wait for an apology for being stood up and heeseung on the other hand, hesitating to text you in case you're mad at him.

it was only one attempt and you were already losing hope yourself. but you didn't want to think that, so you just brushed it off as heeseung was busy, that he might have forgotten the meet up.

it's a friday night and you're spending the night in with sunoo, catching up with each other but it was more to sunoo trying to distract you from the heartbreak.

"last call, do you want tomato or chili sauce?" you grunt at sunoo who seemed to be having a hard time picking the perfect sauce for your fries and pizza that you guys had ordered in.

"ah y/n, i can't pick!" he replies and you slam the sauce bottle down on the counter.

"then just put both!"

"no that's a crime!"

"sunoo!"

"y/n!"

"w—" you speak up but are immediately cut off by a notification ring from your phone. you glance over to your phone and then back to sunoo.

"when i come back, you better be done picking a sauce." you scoff, and storm off to the living room.

picking up your phone, you see it's your old friend from high school that you were still in touch with.

dakyung :

hey y/n! how are you, hope you're doing well!

i called you but you weren't answering, im guessing you're busy....

you double on her text, a smile taking over your lips when you read the news.

dakyung :

good news! i'm getting married !!! here's the invitation!

clear ur plans on the 15th alright? be sure to attend with heeseung, see u!

and your smile drops when you see his name.

right, it's not like she knows about the downfall of the relationship. you couldn't blame her.

sunoo realises that you don't hear him so he approaches you and sees you staring at your phone, frozen.

"are you okay, y/n?" you snap out of it, looking at sunoo with a frown.

"yeah, it's just…" you trail off, sighing when you think about heeseung again.

"what is it?"

"an old friend of mine is getting married, she sent an invitation for me and heeseung." you explain and sunoo nods.

"okay, what about it?" he asks, looking at you confused.

"i have to go with heeseung."

"and? that could be a chance for you both to make up, it's next week right? isn't that perfect? use that as the meet up for next week."

"i don't know if that's a good idea." you say, shaking your head at sunoo.

"why not?"

"any part of that does not sound like a good idea," you reason. "and, he hasn't even apologized for bailing out on me."

"yeah and i ought to beat his ass for it if it isn't for you being my only obstacle." sunoo scoffs, rolling his eyes at you.

"sunoo." you warn him, shaking your head at his hatred for heeseung, it's beyond you.

"let him know first, about the wedding."

you forward the texts to heeseung and see him read your texts almost immediately, as if he had been waiting for you.

you :

^ dakyung sent her wed invitation

u don't have to come if u don't want to, just lmk if u decide to bail out on me last minute again.

you exchange a look with sunoo and look back when you see three bubbles pop up.

my heeseung <3 :

"oh? is he kidding me?" sunoo scoffs, snatching your phone out of your hand as he stares at the text.

"hey!" you scowl at him, taking your phone back.

my heeseung <3

sorry for not coming last week, i was busy

i'll be there for the wedding

"busy? that shouldn't be an excuse for your girlfriend, is he crazy?" sunoo says, flabbergasted as he walks off to the kitchen and you follow him after leaving heeseung on read.

"he could be doing anything important sunoo," you scoff at sunoo complaining.

"even after all this, you're still defending him. i actually think you two belong together just perfectly!" sunoo says, sticking his tongue at you as he pushes his cat headband back on his head.

"shut it sunoo, no sauce for you!" you say, and run off to the couch with the plate with sunoo chasing behind you to fight for the remote.

heeseung is still on your mind despite trying to push him to the back of your mind, but you couldn't help but think about what sunoo said.

if you were important to him, being busy wouldn't be an excuse. right?

GLANCING at the mirror, you do final checks on your outfit before heading out of the apartment, and making your way to the wedding.

it's your second meet, you had a few more left before the month ends. you were quite nervous to see heeseung, it's been awhile.

when you arrived at the venue, it was pretty festive. you were immediately greeted by your old friends, quickly engaged in conversations leading back to the old days.

after meeting the bride and congratulating her in the waiting room, the rest of you headed to the spacious lawn by the wedding hall to grab a quick drink.

"so, who's next?" your friend speaks up, wiggling her eyebrows at the rest of you as you all fall into fits of laughter.

"hey, we're old enough! half of us are already at the age to get married, some of you are still busy with work and studying." she continues, looking over at you.

"so y/n, when's heeseung tying the knot with you?"

you look at her, chuckling awkwardly as you take a sip from your champagne. the one question you wanted to avoid today, it's the first question you're being asked.

but before you could answer, your other friend spoke up.

"ah, speaking about heeseung— where is he? i haven't seen him around,"

"oh i think he's r—"

"i heard my name?" you turn to your side to see heeseung join the conversation as his name got picked.

he slides his arm around your waist as if it's the original place to be at, fitting perfectly at it sending an adrenaline rush through you.

"heeseung! it's been so long!" your friend awes at him, staring at him with heart eyes.

it's no surprise, heeseung is breathtakingly handsome, and girls gawking at him is something you're used to when dating him.

even if it's your own friends.

"yeah, we last saw everyone at like— the last class reunion years ago right?" he asks, chuckling as he leans up against you.

"mhm and you guys look the same ever since," she says, sighing. "wish i had a highschool sweetheart too, never have to worry about being single! i want to be in love like you guys too!"

her statement makes you want to deny it, but you just look at heeseung who looks at you with the same thought.

if only they knew.

looking away, you both engulf into the conversation again until everyone gets ushered into the hall for the wedding.

"sorry for running late." heeseung says, letting go as you both walk into the hall.

"at least you didn't bail out this time." you say, and walk ahead leaving a sighing heeseung behind.

the rest of the wedding goes by and you're too busy catching up and having fun to worry about heeseung while he doesn't seem to be enjoying it.

heeseung catches himself staring at you with a smile on his lips every once in awhile. he couldn't help it, but you looked beautiful.

the dress you wore seemed like it was made just perfectly for you, it was as if you were shining more than the bride to him today.

it has always been like that.

you've always been the one shining in his eyes, no one else compared to the way heeseung looks at you with so much love.

he never fell out of it. he loves you just as much as he had always loved you, if anything he just loves you more everyday.

he couldn't stop loving you, he never fell out of love. it was just a lie to save you.

and if losing you would save you from being unhappy then he'd let go, just for you to be happy.

the wedding soon ends, and everyone begins to part ways. heeseung offered to send you back since you had arrived earlier by the public bus.

the ride back was silent, it had an awkward feel to it, something that had never existed up until recently.

usually during rides like this, you'd wish you lived across the world so that the ride never ends and you could be with heeseung the entire time but now— you wished the apartment was nearby so you could escape this suffocating ride from him.

"you gave back the bedsheet, was it misplaced?"

you turn to face heeseung but his gaze was on the road before him, his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

"oh, i was supposed to throw that out, i think it slipped my mind." you reply back and turn to face the window, the night street light passing by in a speed of light.

"oh." you hear heeseung pause before he speaks up again. "why?"

a small sigh leaves past your lips when you remember it's been ages since you've slept on the bed that you once shared with heeseung.

it felt too wrong to be alone on there, you couldn't blink even if you slept there, it left your restless.

"i wanted to throw the sheets away cause i haven't been able to sleep there ever since you left." you say, swallowing the thick lump in your throat.

his scent still remained in it, his presence was still there but it was too empty. you just couldn't bear to sit there and not cry every time you do so.

"y/n.."

"i've been sleeping on the couch, it's not a big deal, i'll figure something out soon."

"you'll get neck cramps and your body will hurt, it's too cramped." he says, sighing at your misery.

"why do you even care anymore.." you say, slumping against the car seat, with a disappointed sigh.

heeseung doesn't say anything after that, just giving in or he just decides that the silence is better left like that.

the drive soon comes to an end, and you're taking off the seatbelt, about to get off before heeseung stops you.

"i'm sorry."

if he was sorry, you wouldn't be miserable like this. you know he's just saying it because he feels too guilty.

you give him a brief nod and just leave.

THE FOLLOWING WEEKS comes by and you meet up with heeseung once per week or twice if lucky.

heeseung sometimes shows up late and when he doesn't, nothing much happens during the meet ups.

it felt meaningless, it felt like you were actually just wasting your time, but you also felt like you were doing this in denial that you have to let him go regardless.

in the meantime, heeseung has been grateful for these meetups, it made him realize your worth and how worth it being in a relationship with you is.

the efforts you're putting in shows him how much he means to you, so he tries his best for each time he sees you.

doing subtle changes to himself in order to save the sinking relationship with you.

he comes to realize how long it has been since he's genuinely enjoyed spending time with you, and it's true, the saying where it goes you don't actually realize someone's worth until you can't have it anymore.

he begins to appreciate everything again, he begins to find happiness in everything. he begins to fall in love with you all over again.

and he's overjoyed to see you again, for the final meetup this week. he hopes that after this, he can be a better boyfriend to you, and fix what's wrong with the relationship.

and importantly, save it.

heeseung decides to pick the venue for the final meetup and you let him, you've given up on putting effort into someone who has given up on you a long time ago.

he picks the spot where he took you out for the first time ever, in the remembering of the first ever date you both had.

when you arrive at the venue, you feel your heart sink for the outcome that's about to come. the end of the magical thing you've had ever experienced.

this could be the end of everything so heeseung wonders why don't you go somewhere only you both know.

it's a park, where it leads to a spot where you had a picnic with heeseung for. but the park is long abandoned, now filled with overgrown grass and flowers, still beautiful.

you follow along the trail, and soon find heeseung waiting by the talk tree in the middle of the park, in silence.

"hi," he says, when he notices your arrival and gives you a small smile, accompanied by a wave.

you return the small smile back, and stand beside him.

"why here?" you ask, confused when he could've just ended it at a restaurant nearby his place or something. he didn't have to go all out.

"why not? it's the place where we had our very first date at." he says and you nod.

"i know," you say, and smile at the small warmth in you when you remember the happy memory.

the joy in you when heeseung asked you out for the very first time, the hug you gave him and the kiss, it was all an ethereal experience.

"may i?" he asks, putting his hand out to take yours in it. you nod and put your hand in his, allowing him to hold your hand for the last time.

intertwining your fingers in his, a small smile on each other's face as you both walk in silence through the park, looking up at the pink and orange shaded sky as the sun sets.

such beautiful scenery for a tragic event.

you could only wish for this moment to never end, because then if it did, then the phrase all good things comes to an end would never exist.

"i don't think i can ever move on from you," heeseung says, with a small chuckle at the end. "i don't think i can move on from something that was never supposed to end."

you just hum at him, unable to say anything because if you did, you'd start crying. you wish heeseung opted for an uglier breakup, where he could've just dumped you and left.

"well, here we are right?" you say after holding in the cries, surprisingly without any stutter or muffled sob.

"yeah, too bad.."

the wind blows through your hair, letting it fall back and flow through the chilly breeze. heeseung couldn't help but admire your beauty, you're angelic.

for some reason, he had came here with the hope that he'd have you back but somehow as soon as he saw you and the devastating look you had on your face, he was immediately reminded of the reason he proposed the breakup.

which is you're unhappy in the relationship. he thinks you're not happy with him, and he's only holding you back from being happy.

all the blame, you'd take it, for his sake. it made him sick to the core, he didn't want you doing that.

a relationship had to be equal and honest, but you taking all the blame and blaming yourself for the fallout? he hated that, he hated it so much he figured that you're probably doing that just for the sake of the argument ending and that you're tired of this relationship, that you're tired of him.

every time you took the blame, every time you cried because of him, it made him feel too guilty and awful.

it was never your fault.

"i don't think i ever regretted meeting you," heeseung says, and turns to face you as he stops in his tracks.

"because then i wouldn't have been able to experience such an amazing love, and i wouldn't have gotten the chance to love you y/n." he smiles, and rubs his thumb against your skin, as if he's comforting you.

"i never regretted loving you y/n, not once, not ever. and i never will." he pauses. "loving you had always been the best thing i have ever done, it's such an amazing privilege i've had and god bless the next guy that's going to fall in love with you, he's going to be the luckiest person ever."

"i don't think i'll ever be able to love anyone else the way i loved you, it won't be fair to them if i did and it won't be possible because they will never be you." he chuckles.

"and, our love, it was one of the best kinds."

your eyes brims up with tears as you look at him and heeseung just chuckles, as he brings up his hands to wipe away the fallen tears.

"don't cry anymore like this, i want you to be happy, i want you to smile all the time, i want you to never hurt because of love, y/n."

"heeseung…" you sob, clutching his shirt as tears trailed down your cheeks.

"stop taking the blame when it's not your fault y/n, you don't deserve taking all the burden. you don't deserve any sort of unhappiness, i'm wishing you the best always." he tilts his head as he smiles at you when his own eyes begin to gloss up with tears.

"you deserve better y/n, but i can't be any better for you."

"heeseung, you always were. you were always the best for me, there's no better you can be for me, it's always been enough." you say and take a deep breath before speaking up again.

"you deserve everything good too, you deserve someone who'll be good to you, someone who's better than me."

"no one else will be better than you, y/n."

your sniffles grows even more when heeseung says that, your heart growing even more heavier not wanting to let go of him.

"this our end, i'm sorry for everything."

and your cries grow more, breaking your heart, making everything harder.

you wished when you looked at him you didn't see his love for you, you wish you just saw your reflection across the empty eyes of his.

"i can't." you breathe out. "i can't, heeseung."

"I'm sorry." heeseung say, parting his fingers away from yours as he takes a step back. it feels like he walking out of your life with your heavy heart in his hand.

"i love you, i will always love, i won't ever stop loving you." he says, it was almost like an whisper before his head tilts downwards and tears start dropping.

had this been a movie, all the audiences would have been bawling their eyes out like you.

you couldn't stop crying, it was all too overwhelming.

"please take care of yourself y/n, don't get sick too often, it kills me to not be there for you anymore."

and how you wish you could beg him to stay and be by your side, and take care of you all he wants.

but you don't see yourself stopping him.

you take a step back and turn around to leave, without saying a thing but heeseung speaks up again, and it breaks your heart all over again.

"y/n. i'm sorry but let me hold you for the last time."

without a single hesitation, you turn around in a heartbeat and run into his arms, locking your arms around him as you sobbed into his chest uncontrollably, as he did into your neck.

his warmth consoles your broken heart, not healing it however, if anything making the pain ever worse.

"please say something baby, i'm scared of forgetting it."

it has been ages since heeseung had called you that, and it only made things worse. you didn't want to let go at all, you wanted to stay here hoping things take a turn for the better.

"i love you."

heeseung breaks out into more tears at the confession, it caught him off the guard only to break his heart.

that was a big emotional damage for the both of you, being deeply in love but having to let go. the worst thing lovers would go through during their separation.

it felt like forever but heeseung had to be the first one letting ago, and instantly you let go too. without a word you just agreed to him driving you home for the last time.

parting ways was the hardest part of all, you just left without seeing him for the final time and if you did, you wouldn't have left.

for the months that passed by after that, it was all too tough. the post breakup was pretty hard on you, you barely were yourself but eventually got back on track.

you had put the apartment up for sale and moved out to a new place after you graduated because you got a job far from that place.

but part of it is also because you were barely yourself when you lived there, all the memories in the house, heeseung's lingering presence and his undying scent kept you awake and crying at night from missing him.

so putting the house up for sale helped with moving on, and moving out also played a big role in moving on.

fast forward in the future now you're pretty much doing well, better than you've been in the previous few months. your mental health is so much more better, you're not drained and you're happy.

you've kept yourself busy with your career, not bothering to get into a relationship. there are a few flings here and there but you're too conscious and busy to get into a permanent relationship.

although that's just an excuse to hide the fact that part of you still wishes you will meet heeseung again and if you cross paths things might work out this time.

heeseung on the other hand, moved out of sunghoon's after graduating, and got himself a good career too.

he's been busy and he's been doing so much better compared to the heeseung he was after the breakup, all heartbroken and lifeless.

he thought he wouldn't have been able to live without you, but surprisingly he's doing well. at least he's doing well bc of the thought that if you wondered if he isn't doing well you'd be disappointed.

he hasn't been into seeing anyone after you, too busy with work and not moved on yet in terms of feelings.

and he too, wishes that he'll meet you again, and that if you both cross paths again, things might work out again this time.

now that you both are so much better as individuals, more matured and wiser. and capable of loving each other once again, and as the people you both deserved better as.

387 notes · View notes

enharcv · 2 years

Text

chasing you | park jongseong

pairing ‣ smart girl!fem reader x rich boy!jay ft 02liners : park sunghoon & jake sim + ningning (aespa)

genre ‣ slow burn romance, rich kids au, unrequited love kind of, angst, NO smut but contains suggestive contents (not much)....

warnings ‣ lots of 'babe', slap scenes, mentions of sex and r rated topics, cigarettes and smoking, profanity. NOT PROOFREAD.

rating ‣ 16+

wc ‣ 32k

a/n ‣ first of all, i'm truly sorry for the very late delay of this fic, it's about a year late... happy new years, uhm and i hope you enjoy this fic! it's quite messy, please bear with me i wanted to put out something for u guys :)) have fun reading! (i got so lovesick for jay by the end of it.)

YOUR HEAD IS POUNDING AT EVERY SECOND that goes by, your heart rate pulsing profusely, you think you might actually lose your mind from trying to solve this one particular math question.

you would ask your mathematics teacher for help but you were determined that you could finish this on your own, at least that’s what you thought so.

placing down the calculator, you let out a sigh.

“y/n, you wanna follow us to the cafeteria?” you look up to your friend who’s standing by the entrance with your other classmates, asking you on a trip to the cafeteria.

“no thanks yizhou, you guys go ahead!” you say with a smile, waving her off. you needed to let go of this stress that’s piled up from your mathematics problem. you contemplate whether to do it or not, finally giving in that you very much needed it after not doing it for a few days now.

getting up from your seat, you exit the classroom with your pouch. giving everyone that greeted you a smile and a greet back, you quickly made your way to the back alley of your school building.

you look around for any other students or teachers roaming around but no one was anywhere near the area, leaving you with a relieved sigh.

you pull up your skirt up to the upper part of your thigh, stopping when you spot your thigh strap and take out the pack of cigarettes. tapping the box on your palm, you unwrap the box and take out a cigarette stick.

placing it between your lips, you take out your lighter— lighting it up and finally taking a blow.

“fucking finally.” you say, blowing out the smoke.

this definitely isn't what a model student is supposed to look like, smoking in broad daylight itself.

smoking in general, actually.

but you gave up caring about it long ago. what mattered was that this facade you have of yourself, as long it isn't revealed you'll be fine.

at least till university, or at least till you're finally free from your parents.

it's only natural that the only heir and single child of a highly respected, noble and high-class family is perfect in all ways possible.

you surely live up to your image and name, the perfect daughter that aces all her subjects in school, ranking high both in curriculum and academics. always getting first in every aspect, classy and elegant.

always exceeding all your parents expectations leaving nothing behind. you are the pride and face of your family.

but all that comes with it's disadvantages too, you're a human being after all— of course you have your flaws. but the catch is, no one knows about this side of you definitely.

you'd be damned if anyone even found out

other than your best friend, and the only one you trust— yizhou. she's been there ever since you both were in diapers.

both of your families being close was an advantage too, you and yizhou are inseparable at all costs. yizhou being your perfect partner in crime, best friend ; all in one.

that being said, she too— is no different than you. being the perfect ace of her family, she too has the very same flaws as you.

every once and now, you both sneak out to smoke and have fun— what exactly is teenage dream is you don't have the time of your life and live out your teenage years.

although this was just a plug out for the both of you caused by the stress from your families, school and having to live up the perfect image you both have painted over you— you both know better than to get caught and screw over your lives.

over time it's become an usual thing for the both of you, you and yizhou come out to this spot for a blunt every once in a while— sneak out at nights in the disguise and getting wasted but in the eerie hours of the night, leaving no traces of your rebelliousness behind.

just as you're about to take your next blow, the sound of a zippo lighter being shut close brings you back to reality from the train of thoughts.

oh my god.

you freeze in absolute horror. ‘fuck i’m screwed’ runs through your mind as the cig falls between your fingers straight to the ground.

turning to your right in absolute slow-motion, your heart drops at the scene.

it's fucking park jongseong.

and he's staring right at you as he smokes a blunt, the smoke leaving his lips where you can see it curve into a slight smirk.

oh lord, you are screwed.

"y/n! look what i found!" yizhou pops out of nowhere from your left with a big smile that immediately drops to a gasp when she sees you, a cigarette on the ground and jay who's smoking a blunt.

you bite your lip as your eyebrows furrowed in absolute embarrassment and horror.

wrong timing yizhou, real wrong timing.

yizhou stares at you and jay back and forth, not knowing what to say. all you could do was mouth to her 'LEAVE!'

"uhm— i'll uh, leave. y/n come back quick, mr.kim is on his way to the class." with that yizhou disappears into dust as soon as she says that.

you on the other hand, slowly put your lighter into the pocket of your blazer and gather up the courage to just escape without saying a thing.

because one, you don't know how to come up with a believable lie to jay (not like you owe him one anyway)— like he didn't just witness you take a blow from your cigarette

and two, because you're absolutely fucked!

you still feel jay's gaze on your back when you debate to just walk past him or to just stay there until he says something.

if it wasn't obvious by now, jay is no stranger to you. park jay, notoriously known all over the school for being an obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy.

the son of a wealthy family, trust fund baby among other things. his college was already paid for in advance although he's still in high school at the moment— not including the bribing, and he was the darling among many.

having the looks of a sculpture, you're quite disappointed when a face like his is wasted because of his attitude and reputation.

jay was the poster boy for the term ‘bad influence’. he is the type of teenager every parent tells their kids to stay away from.

it truly didn't help either cause' you already have quite an unpleasant history with him. he's the past that you never want to relive— the mistake that you never want to repeat ever again.

and you mean it, so that's why you decided to just walk away pretending like he wasn't even there to begin with.

less the embarrassment but bigger the risk of your little secret being exposed.

your life was on the line at the moment.

"didn't know the miss little goody-two-shoes had bad habits after all."

there he goes. you turn around to face him with an unamused expression plastered on your face.

"mind your own business, park." you say, rolling your eyes and walking past him.

unfortunately, jay's fast reflexes don't go to waste when he pulls you by your wrist back to where he's at.

"wh— let me go!" your eyes widens as you gasp loudly at him pulling you all of a sudden. jay holds you back just before your back could hit the wall making your heart skip a beat.

"my bad, y/n." jay chuckles at your shocked figure, apologizing for pulling you unannounced.

"my bad? are you crazy! why'd you pull me like that!" you scoff at him, pushing him away when you realize almost how close he is to you.

crazy ass bastard! you cuss him mentally in your head, knowing if you said it out loud it would just make things a lot worse than it already is for you.

gosh, all you wanted was to never speak a word to him ever again.

jay only shrugs at you, a sly smirk plastered on his stupid face which only riles up your rage towards him.

deciding it's best that you leave before he says something that gets on your nerve even worse, you attempt to move.

which again, you failed to do so.

"give me a cig before you go." jay says, holding your upper arm in an attempt to hold you back.

"what?" your eyebrows furrowed in confusion— or at least you pretend to. you can play it off, you hope you can besides he already has one in his hand anyway why would he need another from you?

"you heard me, y/n."

"i don't know what you're talking about." you say, clearing your throat lightly to brush off the awkwardness in your answer.

jay lets out a sigh, dropping his almost done cigarette to the ground then stepping on it so it dies out.

he steps closer to you, making you back away slowly but your luck today seemed to be the worst because as soon as you take a step back, your body is already met with the wall behind you.

jay gives you a small smirk as he leans in, his hand trapping you between the wall and the other lingering just above the hem of your skirt.

shit. you're done.

"don't play dumb y/n, i clearly caught you in the act so i don't know why you're acting dumb. you're a smart girl, right?" jay's hot breath fans across your skin, it smells like fucking cigarettes.

not like it was a new smell to you anyway but whatever he was doing to you right now— it was no good. and you knew it all too well, feels like déjà vu at this point.

the weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart rate picking up by every second that goes by, jay right above you, staring down at you with that stupid alluring smirk— all of this felt like you were reliving your past once again.

"jay i have no idea what are you talking abo—"

"should i get it myself?"

that one question leaves your mouth falling apart and you in shock.

"w-what?" you honestly felt stupid to be stuttering because of how flustered jay has you, but how were you even supposed to react to what he just said?

"should i," he says as he gets near you even more— "get the cig myself?" if anyone spotted the both of you right now it would definitely look like jay was kissing you.

that was one thing you absolutely despised.

you would rather walk into a pool for hand sanitizer then burn yourself with a lighter than to kiss this absolute menace.

(ignoring the fact that he practically did kissed you before back then but that's the past and it stays there.)

he was practically speaking right into your ear right now, like a damn 8d asmr.

jay's hands trails up your thigh, just few more inches away from your thigh strap— you finally snap back into your senses, slapping his hand from your thigh.

"take your hands off me," you grunt, having enough of the stupid trick he was about to try on you.

been there, you know better than to not fall for it again.

pulling up your skirt, you snatch the box from the strap with force and hand it to jay.

"have the whole box you idiot." you say, sticking up your middle finger at him, only to get back the same chuckle from earlier.

"if the word gets out, jay. wish the chances of living a goodbye." you threaten him and storm off without giving him a chance to reply.

yeah, this is definitely the last time you're ever gonna smoke in the school compound.

GROWING UP you were always way ahead of every other kid your age. whether it was in academics, curriculum activities, talents, etc.

having to grow up alone in a household where your parents were busy and never really cared unless it had anything to do with school or your reputation, you never really found yourself being actually happy even once.

your mom was the type of person who would enquire everything out of you, making sure you had no flaws and was always on the right track— making sure that you'd never fall behind or ruin your reputation.

which meant the mindset she had eventually grew on you.

you started thinking you were better than everyone and having a superiority complex. of course all that while making sure you would never come off as rude to anyone as you had to keep up your 'perfect little kind girl' image.

you have always been careful with picking friends or simply hanging out with certain circles of people. types of people like jay were what you have always been aware of and wanted to stay away from.

but he was never even that bad until high school happened.

you and jay go way back in those days.

you have known jay ever since your elementary school days. you still remember the first time you ever saw him.

it was the first day of school, you were pretty much minding your own business, making sure you only focused on yourself, getting your work done, going to tutor and going home.

that was pretty much your routine.

that's until you were met with a boy weeping his eyes out in an empty classroom while you were heading to yours.

"uhm.. are you crying?" you ask the boy, staring at him while your heart was feeling sorry for him already.

"i," he says between his sobs, "i-i think im l-lost."

you approach him with a small smile on your face, as you put your _my little pony_ pink bag on the floor and crouched next to him.

"that's okay silly! why are you crying about it?" you laugh, engulfing the sobbing boy in your arms.

"i'm scared.." he sobs into your arms while you rub his back, calming him down.

it took him quite a while to settle down from the crying as you managed to calm him down. you took him by his hand and led him to his classroom which you had to ask him multiple times as to where it was, but at the end you waved him goodbye as he went back into his classroom.

flashing his little bright smile, a missing tooth was also seen but you never addressed it.

and your class was also long forgotten.

so since your history with jay goes way back, even before your little misery with him began— you don't know if jay remembers you from back then because you never mentioned your name to him, but you remember seeing him on his nametag.

not like it even if he remembers matters anyway, he's still an asshole. a major one at it too.

it had always been you and yizhou from the start, you never really had anyone other than yizhou so your life was just boring besides the life that you had in display for everyone else to see.

your daily routine was almost just, school, eating, cram class or tuitions, studying, yizhou, and sleeping.

if you were lucky, at times you would accompany your parents to their business events but you were always back home before curfew because of school.

so when you met jay again in freshman year, your life wasn't too boring. but you should've known better when you stayed away from his problematic ass for a reason.

jay being the poster boy for the term 'bad influence' was already a warning from the start. a big red flag too.

at first when you were asked to be in a class project with him, you thought you could just finish the work with him and it'll all be done in a few days.

but no, you were wrong.

the project at start was just you both doing the work and all. but then jay started being friendly with you, he started hanging out with you.

the longer he started to stay, the more he made you laugh, he started making you feel things for him, the more you started to open up to him, the more you started to be comfortable with him.

you eventually developed feelings for him overtime, and you knew it wasn't going to end well. but you thought maybe it would be different for once, because the mere thought you knew jay was convincing enough for your foolish self.

"we're almost done with the project, i guess this is our last session together?" you clasp your hands together at the finished product of the project.

turning to jay, you give him a bright smile as he returns the same one back making your heart flutter.

he had a gorgeous smile, god really took his time on making jay's smile did he?

jay doesn't say anything except for just smiling at you, as his gaze lingers on you.

"what? why are you staring at me?" you ask, chuckling at him as your hands come up to cover your face— suddenly feeling that maybe something's on your face.

"do i have something on my face?" you ask, touching your face but jay only laughs.

"yeah," jay says, taking your hands away from your face. "you've got a breathtaking beauty."

blood rushes up to your face in embarrassment. you were blushing for god's sake! this boy is out to kill you from all the sweet talking.

"oh my gosh, jay!" you whine, shaking your head at the sudden compliment.

"what? i'm telling you the truth!"

"you're lying!"

"m’ not!"

"you are!"

"should i prove you wrong then?"

you stare at jay with a growing smile that you bite back down. silence takes over as jay glances over your eyes and then your lips making your stomach do flips.

oh shit. it's happening— the scenes that you've only seen in movies but the only difference was you were experiencing in real life.

he starts to lean in, capturing you in place as your back hits his soft mattress. yes, you're doing the project in his room.

that wasn't even the crazy part for you, what's crazy was the fact THE jay park is right above you, eyes clouded in absolute lust when he stares at you.

"i can never get tired staring at you, y/n." he says, almost like a whisper as his face inches close to yours second by second.

his lips gazes upon your on so _so_ close from closing the gap between your lips.

until his phone rings, interrupting the both of you.

of course you both had to be interrupted.

ignoring the disappointing pang in your heart, you put up a smile where your eyes were shaped into tiny crescents.

"jay your phone." you say when he doesn't budge, still so close to you.

"it's not important." he says, giving a small smile to you— shrugging the phone call off.

but it doesn't stop ringing, so you just convince jay to answer it. it could be important after all besides it was getting annoying too.

jay just sighs, placing a small kiss on the corner of your lips before he goes to answer his phone.

it turned out to be his _friend_ rina, she seemed to be crying into the call, you couldn't hear what she was saying but you could hear the sobs.

"i'll be there in a second." jay ends the call with that, as he sets down the phone and turns to you with a sad smile.

"i gotta go, my e— a friend needs me." he says and sighs sadly.

"it's fine! you should go jay, i was going to leave anyway." you say, getting up from his bed and brushing your skirt off as you pick up your bag.

"im sorry," jay apologizes but you just smile at him, waving him off.

"it's alright, your friend needs you. it's probably important, you should really go." you say, walking over to his door to leave.

before you could walk out, you hear jay call after you. turning around, you see jay standing as he smiles at you with the biggest smile you've ever seen.

"go out with me."

you wish you never heard those words exit his mouth when you see him locking lips with his friend rina.

he screwed you over, played the shit out of you, ruined your trust and broken your heart.

in the most brutal way possible.

at the place he asked you to meet him at for the date you find him locking lips with his ex lover, rina.

you remember how much pain you went through that day, the following days, months and a year.

you remember crying to bed each night after that, how you clutched onto your chest as you tried to stop the hurt in your heart.

you are gullible and easy to be taken advantage of. and jay took that opportunity to screw you over so perfectly. you were the perfect muse for his breakup.

a rebound, that's what you were. nothing much than just a mere eye candy that he wanted to have and fuck with.

you ignored jay, his calls, his texts, everything and whenever he showed outside your class, you remember leaving without a look his way.

not a single word said to him after the whole mess.

and you certainly remember holding yizhou back when she was so close to pulling up at his house with a sledgehammer from her basement.

moving on took a toll on you as well, your studies were affected but you fixed it before you mum could find out a thing about what happened.

she would skin you alive if she ever found out you were hanging out with a boy, yet alone a big mess like jay.

you definitely had a hard time from the past that kept taunting you continuously to the point where all you needed was something to let out all your misery and stress out.

a cigar.

you remember taking a hit and it clogged up your airway making you cough like you were about to die out of suffocation.

convincing yourself it wasn't too bad, you took another blow, and another, then another and again, again and again.

you were a little hesitant about it at first, but you kind of just gave up on worrying about it. if it gave you the opportunity to let go of everything then you were gonna take it.

it became a forbidden habit that only yizhou knew, you were totally shocked that when you told her about that secret you felt guilty for keeping away from her— only to find out yizhou had been doing it for years now.

though you felt a slight betrayal, you knew that even if yizhou had told you— the y/n you were way before you met jay wouldn't have ever agreed or done it.

overtime it became a coping mechanism and a regular routine. but that was only as far as you can go, you kind of knew better than to get yourself into any other mess.

especially something if your mum found out, she would burn you alive.

after the whole thing you barely heard about jay, you just went on with your life minding your own business making sure there was never a jay in your life, ever.

you saw him in the hallways from time to time but you acted like he was invisible, like he wasn't even existent.

and that's how it was supposed to be, but how was he out of all the people that could've found out about your bad habits— why did he have to be the one.

again?

AS SOON AS CLASS ENDED you packed your things and tried to leave early with yizhou for a study session your mum had planned for the both of you at your house.

"y/n i think i'll be late, i'm gonna drop by my place to get my notes, is that fine by you?" yizhou asks, tapping your shoulder when she gets up.

"oh sure, i'll wait for you?" you ask her, swinging your bag across your shoulder.

"mm just start without me, i'll cover the topic i'll be missing later at night." you decide not to dig further and just nod then waving her goodbye before you exit the class.

plugging in your airpods, you shuffle through the downloaded podcast of your chapters that you were going to study as prep from tutors you found online.

stuffing your hands into your blazer, you walked along the corridor filled with a wave of students.

memorizing each important points in your head, you unconsciously nod along to it.

people might have mistaken it that you were bopping your head to a song because when your airpod was taken away, you came to a halt.

"damn, i thought it was a song."

the universe had to hate. you were definitely convinced that it does because you're met with jay. again.

and you were already getting annoyed now.

your blood just boils at the sight of him, he just had to make you so annoyed. that stupid smirk on his face only managed to piss you off even more.

"i'd appreciate it if you didn't bother me and just go away?" you say with an annoyed tone, snatching your airpod away from him.

"calm down babe, you're talking like i murdered your pet or something." jay says, shrugging his shoulders.

"don't call me babe." you squint your eyes, snarling at him. as much as the past you would've fell to her knees when she heard that, now you wouldn't even bat an eye for his stupid tricks.

"ok fine, love? is that fine by you?"

you scoff in disbelief. was he seriously trying to flirt with you?

"can you shut up, oh my god." you say, sighing. "look jay, i don't want to be late wasting my time on you so just go away."

jay stares at you for a good three seconds before his lips curve up into that infamous smile that swoons over every single living female— except for you.

you were exceptional, not falling for his tricks!

"you want me to go away? i'm afraid that won't be happening anytime soon." he says, pouting mockingly.

"what bullshit are you talking about?" you ask, crossing your arms across your chest, the airport warming up against your sweaty palms.

"it's not bullshit but let's strike a deal."

that's your cue to leave and you took it. shaking your head you chuckle in mockery, "that's exactly my sign to leave because i'm not hearing you out. at all."

you turn around to plug your airpods in but jay grabs onto your forearm, pulling you again for like not the first time today.

you yank your arm away from him, glaring at him for pulling you like that and also because he stopped you.

your mum's gonna yell at you for being late, shit.

"hear me out, babe."

"I told you to not call me babe and no, jay. take a fucking hint." you say the slight whine by the end of your sentence. you were actually getting annoyed this time.

"you're hot when you cuss." jay says, smiling at you.

"jay." you warn, not wanting to deal with his foolery now that you're actually running super late.

"okay fine, i'll keep your secret safe and sound if you……" he puckers his lips out slightly as he looks around to think.

right, you weren't oblivious to this. he's clearly trying to get you back.

"tutor."

"what?" you ask, furrowing your eyebrows as you ponder if you heard him right or not.

"tutor me, babe."

you stare at him for a good minute, wondering if he's actually fucking crazy. no like actually, you stared at him.

"you should take a picture, it'll last longer."

that definitely brings you back to earth from your confusion.

"first of all, shut up. and second, no." you say, shaking your head, as you look up at the gigantic menace.

"why not?" he asks, stepping closer to you which makes you step back, keeping a fair distance between you.

his stupid cologne was giving you nostalgia. that familiar smell of Jo Malone that was weirdly a perfect match for him lingers in the air.

"because i'm busy, and most definitely do not want to get involved with you anymore."

jay scoffs at you which you glare at, gripping onto your bag strap almost about to tear it off apart.

"fine, if you're gonna act like that then…" he stuffs his hands into his blazer, pulling out the very same box that you had strapped around your thigh a few hours prior to this.

it gets a reaction out of you when you gasp and jay smirks in satisfaction. exactly what he wanted.

"oh yeah let me share this too," jay says, then turning around to let out a loud announcement which sent you into panic as you stride to jay on the other side and slap your hand across his mouth.

"say another word and you won't see the light of the day." you grunt at him, tightening the grip in his mouth which makes him pull your first away as he winces in pain.

"shit what the fuck is your hands made of?" jay asks, tapping his mouth area softly, wincing when it hurts.

"doesn't matter but what the hell are you doing!" you ask him, totally not holding back the urge to tackle him to the ground and strangle him till he passes out.

jay's pain suddenly just disappears instantly being replaced with a content grin.

"so is it a yes or no, y/n?"

you look at him for a good three seconds before finally giving in with a sigh.

"fine." you mutter, then frowning when you see jay overwhelmed with joy as he grins at you.

"on a few conditions. we need to set some ground rules, park." you say, crossing your arms across your chest.

"do we really have to?" he asks, scoffing lightly which doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"take it or leave it, jay."

"whatever. "

you plug in your airpods into your ear, then holding onto your bag.

"if that is all, then i have a study session that im _incredibly_ late for. " you say, spinning on the heel of your feet and walking away without letting jay let the last word of the conversation.

jay on the other hand didn't seem to be bothered by you leaving because the mere thought of being able to be around you was already making him feel like he's on cloud nine once again.

too in daze, he doesn't realise his friend approaching him with his jaw on the floor.

"i-is that y/n? or am i just short sighted and accidentally saw you talking to THE y/n. like y/n y/l/n or am i too tired that i'm hallucinating?" sunghoon's little list of questions breaks jay out of his joy, looking over his friend with a huge smile.

the silence and jay's smile says it all. sunghoon didn't need another reassurance that it was indeed you, y/n y/l/n.

"holy shit."

ARRIVING BY THE GATES of the mansion you lived in, owned by your parents— you didn't want to go in but picked up the remaining courage you had in yourself and head inside.

you wave at mr.ha with a small smile which he returns wholeheartedly, it eases the stress lightly but still wasn't too assuring.

at least it was something.

mr.ha is the security guard that guards the mansion by the small post near the gates, and you've known him ever since you could learn how to walk.

he also worked other jobs like being a friend you could hang out with whenever your parents weren't home or were too busy to bother you. or making sure you get home safe and sound every time you snuck out with yizhou, never questioned a thing just making sure you were safely back home without getting into any trouble.

the thoughts of mr.ha left as soon as you reached the gigantic wooden doors at the entrance of your home.

you head inside to an eerie atmosphere, it wasn't new. it was something you were used to ever since the ripe age of ten.

you take the right side of the stairs that lead up to the second floor of the mansion, where your room was on the end of the parted hallway.

before you could turn into the corridor, the heels clicking onto the marble floor from behind you stopped you in your tracks.

"half an hour late."

you held in the urge to sigh back, afraid your mom would lecture you on how rude that was. you turn around to see your mom standing in the middle of the hallway, staring right at you sending a chill down your spine.

“i’m so—” your mom cuts you short, as she approaches you.

“punctuality is important y/n. you will never survive in the real world when you lack even the tiniest bit. i have stressed this multiple times, i believe." your mom's strict tone thickens with each word that leaves her mouth.

your nails began to mark tiny crescents by how hard you were balling your hands into a fist behind you in frustrations.

“my apologies mum, it won’t happen again,” you say, voice almost inaudible at how low it was. your mum raises her eyebrows at your apology, giving you a glare for even having the guts to answer her back.

“why are you late? where is yizhou?”

you bite your lip, as you remain your gaze on the marble floor. how were you going to explain to her that you were with a guy that is why you are late. she would absolutely skin you alive for even looking a guy in his eyes and talking to him.

you couldn’t lie to her but you also didn’t want her to know about jay.

“my teacher asked me if i could help tutor his student. his student was failing his classes and he thought i could be a huge help to help that kid graduate,” you say, not a single stutter or a single trace that she could pinpoint on that you were lying.

“and yizhou is stopping by her house.”

you weren’t exactly lying nor were you telling the complete truth. the part where you were asked to tutor was true indeed but the part where your teacher had asked was a made up lie. but your mom didn’t have to know.

what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

“tutor? you barely have enough time to add in more tuitions i have in list to sign you up for— let alone tutor someone?” your mum asks, arms crossed against her chest as she stands across you.

shit, she’s serious.

“i can use my free time up for that mom, it won’t interrupt my studies.” you reason. “my teacher asked for help, i couldn’t possibly say no to him after all the pleading, mom.”

your mom decides to not drag the issue anymore further, after all, she knows that if you mess up your studies even in the slightest way possible— you’re totally done for it. besides, she figured this would look good on your papers when you apply for college, it wasn’t too bothersome.

“okay. get ready for the study session, you have tuition after that. don’t be late to it, this will be your last warning.” with that, she heads back into her office leaving you alone in the hallway.

you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. without wanting to stress about this, you head into your room, locking the door as soon as you got in.

placing your bag by your desk, you plopped onto your bed and close your eyes, taking in the comforts and how you could practically live your entire life just sleeping there. nothing beats the feeling of coming back home and laying down on your bed after a long day.

other than the feeling of coming back home to loving parents who greeted their kids with “how was your day at school?”, “was it alright?”, “hope you had fun, let’s eat together!”— but of course, it was nothing you could experience in this lifetime.

your thoughts were interrupted by a notification ring on your phone. reaching over into your blazer, you fish out your phone and lay back down on your bed.

but the unknown contact number had you jolted up, sitting on your bed with your jaw on the floor. you had remember changing your number after the whole jay screwing you over fiasco so how did he get your number? again.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

hey babe

staring at the text, you contemplate on ignoring it or not but before you could make your move, another text rings your phone.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

so when are you free? - 2 sec ago

your fingers taps against your phone’s screen, typing onto the space before you hit send.

you :

who’s this?

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

it’s jay, don’t play dumb y/nnnn

unless it isn’t u? is this not y/n oml

a small chuckle leaves you when you read his little panicking at thinking he’s got the wrong number.

you :

wht do u want

you see three bubbles pop out as soon as you send that. you lay back onto your bed, shaking your legs as you wait for him to reply.

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

you scoff at his reply and roll your eyes— though the small flip in the pit of your stomach doesn’t go unnoticed.

you :

quit the jokes park

why are you texting me

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

chill babe

uhh when are you free to tutor me?

whenever is fine by me

biting on your lips you ponder on when you’re free during the week, certainly not any time soon, however. on saturdays you paint or just hang out with yizhou or catch up on the sleep you miss during the weekdays.

other than that you practically did nothing, cutting off 2 hours or 3 from your sleep is no big deal.

but why were you willing to do so, for jay the guy that broke your heart and screwed you over?

the questions remains in the back of your head, mainly because you didn’t want to think about it and totally not because you had the tiniest bit of hope left that jay could be back to stay and not screw you over again.

maybe, those were the possibilities it wasn’t entirely impossible.

you :

saturday?

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

okay

what time?

you :

5 to 7

whenever you’re free on

+82XX XXXX XXXX :

that’s fine by me

alright babe, see u then

you leave jay on read, not wanting to drag the conversation out longer. just as you’re about to exit you notice you hadn’t saved his number. you deleted his number after the whole thing, but you could remember those numbers any day.

jay? too boring

park jay? too formal

jay :) uhhhhh

idiot jay :) too extra

you stop in tracks when you realize what you were doing. were you really………… choosing what to save him as? with emoticons or without?

shit, it’s happening again.

you delete the :) and just save his contact under idiot jay and toss your phone to the edge of your bed as you stare at your ceiling, thinking about what just happened. after a while, yizhou finally arrived and you both went on with the study session without mentioning a thing.

you’re screwed.

A FEW DAYS PASSED and your reconciliation with jay was long forgotten in the back of your mind as it never happened. you didn’t see jay at school as much after that too, so you were freed from bothersome.

“alright, just finish chapter 12 on the module and you’re done for the day.” your teacher announces and everyone gets up to greet as the class ends.

“it’s PE right after this?” you ask your desk mate and she nods with a smile with you return with a ‘thank you’ and a smile.

packing your things you grab your PE clothes and head to exit the classroom along with the others. but just as you’re about to leave, you remembered you had forgotten your hair tie in your bag.

“hey y/n where are you going?” yizhou asks, looking back when she sees you rushing back to the classroom.

“go ahead without me, i forgot something back there,” you tell yizhou and she just nods as she leaves with the rest.

you go back to the classroom and head toward your desk immediately bending over as you search for your hair tie. but it was taking a little too long as your hair kept on getting in the way, which you had to push back constantly.

“looking for something?” you hear a voice behind you as your hair is lifted up making you jump in shock.

“fuc— you scared me, oh my god.” you gasp with your hand plastered onto your chest, feeling your heartbeat pulsing rapidly.

“you’re hot when you cuss.” jay replies back with a smirk, it had literally no sort of connection to what you were saying.

you slap away jay’s hand that was still gripping your hair in annoyance, “don’t touch me, geez.”

jay only pouts slightly at you before his lips form into a smirk as he looks over you.

“you seemed to be searching for something, did you find it?”

“it’s none of your business, just mind your own and go.” you scowl at him with a sharp glare as your tongue jabs against the insides of your cheek.

“you don’t always have to be up to my ass, babe.” jay says as you turn around, bending over to search for your things in your bag. his gaze almost falls down but he keeps it up and short-sighted not wanting to get in trouble with you.

however it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before anyway.

“then just mind your own business and stop pissing me off at every chance you get,” you pause before you speak again. “also i told you stop calling me babe.” you say as you continue to search. jay walks over to your side and leans against your table as he watches you.

“it can’t be helped if it that’s what you’re meant to be called— babe, it just rolls off my tongue better. ” jay says, chuckling when he sees you give him a side glance that indicated shut the fuck up before i rip off your balls. he remains silent and watches you when you sigh loudly at your hair constantly being in the way. jay gets off the table and inches closer to you, he collects all of your hair into his fist, and holds it for you as it clears off your view.

you don’t say anything for a while, clearing the thought of asking him to take his hands off you instead you mutter a small “thanks” that was so low, almost inaudible but jay obviously heard it when he smiled to in secret.

after finally searching every inch of your bag, you finally found the hair tie—in joy you almost cheered when it came into view.

“found it!” you say and grin. jay lets go of your hair as you got up and he moved backwards.

“good job.” he says, smiling at you which makes you feel all giddy but you don’t show as you hold back the smile that was so badly wanting to show.

just as you’re about to tie your hair, jay stops you.

“give me the hair tie.”

you look at jay with your eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why he wanted it—unless…

“wh—”

“just give it to me, babe.”

the hair tie is snatched out of your hand before you could even hand it to him, jay spins you around as he inches closer. his breathing was felt against your neck when he gathered your hair up.

you stayed still, too hesitant to move while your heart was beating as if it was about to burst out of its cage and your stomach releasing the whole damn zoo— not just butterflies although it might sound like you’re exaggerating it but it was true.

jay’s fingertips constantly grazed on your skin as he tied up your hair, you knew was close on purpose but you didn’t bother mentioning it since you were clearly enjoying it more than he did. it brought you back so much nostalgia with him being so close to you it reminded you of when your skins collided with him on top of you as you both experienced something so amazing.

“alright, i’m done.” his words bring you back to reality when his hands were off you. you move away from him and reach for your ponytail smoothing out your hair.

“thanks— although i didn’t ask you to do it.” you mutter under your breath when you head back to your desk to pick up your PE clothes.

you mentally cuss yourself for almost forgetting that you had PE, it’s like every time you’re with jay you just lose count of time like you’re on cloud nine in a dream.

“you’re welcome, babe!” jay replies, holding onto his bag on his shoulder as he smiles at you.

“don’t skip PE, i’m leaving,” you announce and head towards the door but stop when you hear jay call your name.

turning around to see him leaning against your desk with a lazy smile, jay waves at you.

“tie your hair up frequently, you’re pretty.”

what jay said seemed to be the only thing that was on your mind even when you were running laps across the field until the end of PE as you were walking back to the classroom after showering and changing your clothes back to your uniform.

yizhou seemed to notice that you were not in your right mind, nor were you being your usual self.

“did you get high last night?”

that definitely brought you back to your senses when your eyes widened and your shrieked facing yizhou. she gasps staring at you, “are you kidding me! oh my god?”

“what! no yizhou!” you say, grimacing at the thought of getting high as much as it seemed tempting you knew that was a line you could never cross besides you hadn’t even hit a blunt ever since jay caught you red-handed.

fuck. jay this, jay that— jay jay jay.

everything is jay!

“then? what is on your mind that you even didn’t dodge the ball earlier and got hit right on the face?” yizhou asks, staring at the red mark that was printed on your cheek which you winced at when you touched it.

“it just…” you trail off, don’t know whether to bring it up or not.

“just what?”

“just…” you sigh loudly as you both continued walking back to the class.

“y/n just say it!

“jay. it’s jay.” you say, shaking your head.

yizhou stops in her tracks as she closes her mouth with her hand, looking at you like you murdered her dog or something.

“i completely forgot about him oh my god, wasn’t he with you at that spot the other day? oh my god—” she gasps, connecting one and two together. “don’t tell me he caught you smoking?” she leans in to whisper, and when you nod, confirming her doubt she gasps loudly attracting a few glances.

you bow your head apologizing to them and got back to a shocked yizhou and then you spill what happened from the catching you red-handed to tutor agreement to and till the hair thing to her leaving her speechless by the end of it.

“i— i— uhm i— well—”

“yeah, i’m not sure what to do as well— i could just keep a distance between us and be his tutor, and as soon as we graduate and he passes it’ll be done and that would be the end of us. like i wanted from the beginning,” you say, pausing before you spoke again. “but the only thing holding me back is jay, the stupid little hope that he won’t fuck up again.”

yizhou only nods in response.

“the pain i experienced when he screwed me over is something i never want to experience again, yizhou but he keeps on bringing me back to square one, every time i see him i just can’t help but want to go back,” you say, the memories of the night you sobbed like insane in silence with so much of pain coming back.

“you still love him.”

“what?” you turn to face yizhou at her statement. do you still— love him?

“you still love him, it’s so obvious y/n.” she says, holding your hands in hers.

“it won’t change the fact he hurt you so bad though, i still want to kill him for that but what matters more is you. i won’t tell you what to do, you should do what you want to and what your heart tells you to. if what you want is to keep a distance with jay and just end it all for good after everything then do it and if what you want is to give him a chance again then do it. it’s all in the choice you make.”

yizhou is right but the more you think about it, it seems like whatever trick jay is playing on you— it’s definitely working and you’re falling for it.

“whatever you do, don’t let your guard down. you’re better than that, don’t be fooled again if this is just an act to screw you over again y/n.”

you press yizhou’s hand and nod as a reassurance. “you’re right. thanks, yizhou, for having my back.” you smile at her.

“shut up loser.” she laughs and pulls you into a hug however it doesn’t last long up until a loud scream is heard from your classroom. you both pull away and head back in curiosity.

you see your classmate, rina— yes, the very same person that you caught jay kissing on that night— searching for something frantically at her table. you and yizhou enter the classroom and everyone’s eyes is on you, yes only you specifically.

before you could ask anything as to why everyone was looking a you, rina looks up with a glare and approcahes you.

“you. the last one the exit the classroom.” she scowls, digging her index finger onto your shoulder which she pushes you back with.

“you stole it, didn’t you?” she asks and you scoff in disbelief.

“rina i have no ide—”

“your little good girl facade won’t work on me, listen y/n. just be honest and admit you stole it, and i’ll just forgive you and leave this matter to rest,” she says and stomps her feet on the ground with a sigh.

“what the f—” yizhou grunts and almost approaches rina to rip her head off but you hold her back. “yizhou, don’t.”

“are you kidding me?! she just accused you of stealing and you’re telling me to not rip her into shreds?” you nod to yizhou which she rolls her eyes at and scoffs.

“rina, i didn’t take whatever you’re accusing me of just because i was the one who last left the classroom— don’t get too ahead of your assumptions lets talk about this calmly with the homeroom teach—” she was seriously starting to get on your nerves for

“dont get too ahead of my assumptions? ah this bitch, the audacity!” when rina calls you bitch, it definitey hit a nerve because your blood was boiling.

just as you’re about to jump at her, the door opens and jay along with his friends stands there— staring at the commotion.

“watch what you’re saying rina, instead of calling me a bitch reflect on yourself and find the real culprit— don’t be going around accusing just about everyone you see,” you grunt, squinting your eyes at her and turning around to leave.

“did you just call me a bitch?!” she gasps at your indirect insult looking offended. she lets out a mocking chuckle and starts walking towards you in full speed with her hand raised to slap you.

before you could let go of your cool, jay enters the classroom and pulls you aside which made rina lose balance and fall straight to the floor. the whole crowd goes silent, until sunghoon speaks up.

“homerun!” sunghoon starts laughing at his own joke while everyone else stared in shock. jake shoves sunghoon with his elbow earning a loud yell until he sees jake’s glare which makes him shut up with his mouth against his mouth.

getting back your senses you push yourself off jay who seemed to be holding onto you as soon as you get back the memory of the conversation you had with yizhou.

“babe!” rina whines out and starts to tear up at the embarassment as she calls for jay but jay’s focus was on you who seemed to be frowning at the situation. you look glance at him and catch him staring at you, pondering as to if he should even help rina.

but jay isn’t a asshole, he wasn’t just going to leave rina on the floor crying after he was partially the reason she fell down. (in his defense he wanted to protect you).

“jay,” rina whines again making you look away as jay sighs and rushes to the girl. you watch as she cries onto his shoulder, clearing stirring up a drama which you got too nauseous to even continue watching.

scoffing at her acting like that around jay, you walk away and sat down at your desk.

part of you hated the fact that jay was still hers at the end of the day, whether they were together or not— she’d still be the one was going to pick at the end of the day despite all the shit he puts up to get you wrapped around his finger.

the situation opened your eyes. you weren’t going to give in, you’re gonna keep your distance and once the tutor agreement is over— you’d be over him and he’ll be out of your life.

SATURDAY ROLLED BY too quickly for your liking, usually you’d look forward to saturdays but now you dreaded them. you didn’t like the fact you finally had to face jay after the whole mess a few days ago.

he hadn’t bothered trying to talk about the thing, not like he owed an explanation or whatever but somewhere deep down you felt like you deserved one for absolutely no reason at all. though you received like one text from him, which was just :

idiot jay :

y/n..

that wasn’t too convincing and you didn’t exactly want to assume it just by that. the text could’ve meant he wanted to ask you how to solve a problem but hasn't even started tutoring yet or the text could’ve meant he wanted to just text you but by the tone of it, it clearly didn’t mean he wanted to annoy you.

mainly for this reason, you overthinking. you simply didn’t want to assume anything and just left him unread but of course you had to face him somehow.

so here you were, holding onto the handle of the gigantic door to let jay in as he rang the bell that echoed through the house.

“who’s at the door?” you hear your mom ask from the living room, she stood there looking at you confused as to why you weren’t answering the door.

you open the door to be greeted by a surprised jay, his hand by the bell you figured he was about to ring the bell again. he gives a small smile which you only nodded your head too.

you look away before jay catches you staring because holy shit was he fine as hell? it's like skinny jeans and black shirts were made for him, although it was a simple outfit it definitely managed to make your jaw drop.

internally.

jay enters your house as you close the door behind him. he spots your mom by the living room, she gives him a decent bland smile which he smiles back at.

you looked like a carbon copy of your mom, but obviously jay seemed to have the hots only for you and you only.

"good afternoon, mrs y/l/n." he greets your mom with a bow.

"good evening…" she trails off, unsure of the unknown kid's name. she somehow recognizes his face, but she couldn't exactly point it out.

"jay. park jay." she nods and looks over at you. you just give her a tight lipped smile when you read the look on her face.

a guy?

"he's the kid i mentioned, the tutor." you explain, walking up to jay standing by him.

"i figured."

silence takes over the air, creating an uncomfortable tension which you couldn't cut even with a knife.

"if that is all, excuse us mom." you say and walk past her with jay hot on your trail.

this is the first time jay has ever seen or visited your house, he knew you were stacked obviously since your family is one of the holy trinity in the neighborhood.

your family is also a stranger to the industry his parents runs a business in. your families were pretty much the top ones, but your parents never got along.

both of your families were rivals but what happens in business stays in business. it shouldn't get involved with any personal issues.

besides that's the adult's thing, what you and jay had shouldn't be a problem to whatever rivalry your parents had going on.

his attention is immediately caught by the large family portrait on the wall where the stairs divided into two.

you were in the middle while your parents were by your side. jay figured you were the only child considering there was no one other than you and your parents in the portrait.

he swears you look so ethereal in portrait, it must be recent since you don't look any much younger or older than how you looked now.

he smiles at your small smile in the picture, you looked really pretty when you smile.

"jay?"

"huh?" he breaks out of his gaze from the picture to you looking at him on the top of the stairs. he hadn't realized he stopped walking.

jay skips up the stairs following behind you as you walk through the hallway. the light was dim with ceilings as high as the sky.

it wasn't too different from his home, although the only thing missing in his home was you.

he wanted to have you.

not just like a bait but because he's liked you since forever.

the door you open leads into your bedroom, jay follows behind you and stops when you close the door.

"no open door rule?"

you stay silent as you clean up the books by your desk, not bothering to look at jay's to answer him.

"no." you mutter beneath your breath, piling up the books to carry to your shelf.

"usually girls houses i go to always have the open door rule…." jay trails off when he sees you glare at him.

shit, it's like adding more fuel to the fire.

he shuts up not wanting to make things any worse but when he sees you trying to pick up the pile of books, he drops his bag and walks over to help you.

"move aside, i'll do it." he says expecting you to move but you don't budge.

"i can do it myself, just go and sit." you say, wrapping your arms around the pile of books to pick it up— but it was too heavy for your strength.

"just let me do it, y/n. don't be so stubborn." he says, and takes away your arms then picking them the books in one shot.

you almost gasped at his muscles popping out from his sleeve. you were literally drooling at the sight but before he could see, you head back to the desk and took a seat, internally cringing at your reaction.

jay comes back after setting it down and takes a seat next to you.

"so what are you weak in?"

"pulling you, that's the only game i’m weak in." jay replies and laughs but stops when he sees your plain reaction, just empty and annoyed.

"my bad," he apologizes and takes out his books from his bag.

no shit, though that almost made you laugh you held it back when you realized it was probably only to screw you again.

"i need help with physics, you're good at that right?" jay asks and you hum in return as you look over the marked topics in his textbook.

"let's go over this first, is that okay?" you ask, looking up at him. you don't realize you're too close until you look up at him.

"y-yeah." jay replies back and immediately turns his attention back to the book.

this was gonna be long.

with a sigh, you moved over and continued to teach jay.

a few hours passed and you both were finally done for the day. you lean back on your chair and stretch your body, yawning as your body relieves pain.

you expect jay to make a remark about it but he's too occupied by his phone, texting someone.

you don't want to be a busybody but your curiosity couldn't help it. you couldn't see much but when you see sunghoon's name pop up on the screen you sat back onto your seat.

"if you wanted to see, i would've showed you, babe. no need to sneak around." jay says, scaring you by breaking the silence.

"i wasn't peeking."

"whatever floats your boat, babe." jay says and stuffs his phone into his pocket as he turns to face you.

you avoid looking at jay, suddenly finding the calendar on your table interesting.

(a/n : tbh this scene omg i got reminded of the way jay called jungwon in that one en-log lmaooo)

"y/n?" jay calls you with a luring tone, as he looks at you with a smirk.

"y/nn?" he calls again, leaning closer to you.

"what?" you grunt, finally looking up at him. fuck it was mistake, you shouldn't have because why the hell was park jay looking at you with literal heart eyes and why the hell did it gave you butterflies?

he remains silent before the smile on his lips disappears into a sorry expression.

"i'm sorry," he says, and frowns.

"what are you sorry for?" you ask as your eyes bores into his.

"for going to rina. that day." he explains but it breaks your heart when her name leaves his mouth.

"why are you apologizing?" you ask. "it's not like you owe me one, not like i'm someone that matters to you." you mutter the last sentence under your breath, but jay heard it.

and it makes him sad.

had you known you're the one person that mattered the most to him.

"y/n…" he trails off, but you shake your head.

"it's late, you should leave." you say, standing up as you approach your door to usher him out.

"y/n i didn't want to but she was calling for me."

"jay why are you explaining yourself to me? we aren't going to fall in love again so it doesn't matter nor will it ever matter. our agreement was just you keeping my secret in exchange for me tutoring you."

you didn't mean to come off harsh but by the look on jay's face, it made you want to sink into a hole and never face him again.

"yeah, you're right. my bad." he says, in a disappointed tone as he nods. he grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. you try to approach him but he stops you, "i can find my way out, don't bother."

jay opens the door to exit but he looks back before he leaves.

"goodnight y/n."

GUILT never stopped chasing you ever since the night jay left your room after you lashed out at him.

it wasn't your intention but it wasn't a day if you didn't fuck something up obviously.

the night he left like that you didn't sleep on a brink. the guilt haunted you all night, all day and all week. it's been two weeks since the incident and it was still haunting you like insane.

jay didn't attend the last tutor session after you lashed out at him, he didn't inform you of anything which made things worse. you felt bad and guilty the whole time.

you didn't see jay most of the time at school, usually you'd be more than grateful if he was out of your sight but that night the only thing that could ease your heart was if you saw him.

and when you did, your guilt only worsened when jay didn't glance your way.

your heart was telling you to grow some balls and apologize but you mind was telling you to leave him be since he was obeying the agreement you both agreed on.

overtime your heart won over your mind and you found yourself by the cafeteria buying two banana milk cartons— one for you and another for him.

after paying the cashier lady, you took the long way back to class to get your shit together and not make a fool of yourself when you're apologizing.

you remember yizhou telling you to apologize since from your story telling jay was obvious hurt but yizhou was emphasizing that the hurt you gave him obviously wouldn't beat the hurt he gave you.

but hurt is hurt and you're at fault this time.

so it's only right that you apologize.

besides doing this will make the next tutor session less awkward.

when you came back to the classroom, you didn't spot jay anywhere or his friends. you also looked around for rina and her minions, luck was on your side since they weren't there too.

you walk towards his table awkwardly, trying your best to not look suspicious as you tiptoe around his table.

you cover your face with one hand and the other place one carton on the table with the straw then you skip to your table in the quickest way possible without looking suspicious.

you finally let out a relieved sigh when you sat down at your table. mission one is done, but you had another problem coming your way, will jay forgive you?

a louder sigh and whine leaves you before you frustratedly take out your module and start doing exercises to take your mind off it.

without knowing jay had been watching all along from the back of the classroom.

he had seen you walking into the classroom and followed behind you, he was about to leave until he was you tip toeing around his table.

he laughs in secret when he sees you do a poor job at not looking suspicious by placing the banana milk on his table. when you covered your face in the most awkward way possible he chuckled at you being so cute.

when you go back to your table, he stops laughing and holds back the big smile growing on his face as he walks into the classroom.

he sees you watching him in secret but you're not too slick with it so he picks up the carton, examines it then places it on his table.

he holds back the smirk when he sits down and then looks at you while your eyes widen and look away so fast.

too bad the smile already beat him to it, he smiles as he pops the carton open with the straw and takes a sip as he stares at you from the back.

you could practically feel jay's gaze on your back and holy shit did it make you nervous. you should be yelling at him to mind his own business but you pushed that thought to the back of your mind.

you phone rings a notification which earns your attention and for the first time in weeks, you see jay's name flash across your screen.

for some reason it makes you smile and makes you feel giddy when you see his notification.

it shouldn't be making you feel like that but it did.

idiot jay :

thanks for the banana milk

shit. how'd he know it was you?

you :

idk what r u talking about…

you hear jay coughing from the back which makes you smirk, and then three bubbles pop up on the screen.

idiot jay :

don't play dumb babe

ik it's u ;)

and there is the jay you know.

you :

whatever floats your boat, jay~

"can't believe i'm seeing modern day romance right before me in broad daylight."

slamming your phone into the table, you look to see a horrified yizhou as she sits down next to you.

"what are you talking about?" you laugh nervously, as you turn off your phone and slide back into your blazer.

"considering how smiley you are that you're kicking your feet and all, i'm assuming you guys are okay now?" you don't bother brushing the issue under the carpet, you spill everything to yizhou.

"well, congrats on making your next tutor session less awkward." she says, laughing at the make-up attempt.

you nod and then drift the conversation to something else. you and yizhou planned on going shopping over the weekend after your session with jay since you both haven't hung out in while since you got caught up in your jay situation.

a few days passed by and saturday finally arrived again, this time you looked forward to it.

although it was a few hours prior to your tutor session with jay, you couldn't stop thinking about him as you sat in your backyard painting on your canvas board.

you were painting a scenery you had in mind, usually during painting you just let your imagination take over and just let your fingers sway the brush along.

but this time you were just sitting there, staring at the canvas board unable to come up with something to paint.

maybe if jay wasn't taking up all the space in your head.

"you paint?"

that awfully sounded familiar to jay's voice, way too close you were concerned for yourself at this point. you were thinking of him too much.

too much his voice sounds way too real as if he was in the backyard with you.

"babe?"

oh shit.

you turn around in your seat to see jay standing by the sliding glass door with his arms crossed, looking at you in awe.

you blink several times to assure it wasn't your head messing with you until you realized he was actually standing there.

"huh? why are you here? tutor session doesn't start until 5? it's 4.15?" you bombard jay with questions which he only chuckles at before he walks towards you.

"came early to see you, missed you too much." you give him a glare which he winks back in return for.

"you paint? i didn't know." he says, as he eyes you and the canvas.

"because it's none of your business," you reply back as you place the pallet on the stool next to you.

"i want it to be my business then," he answers back and takes a seat on the bench across from you. you don't bother answering anything back, knowing jay would only make another remark out of it.

though his recent reply made your stomach do flips which you thoroughly ignored.

you both sit in silence as you stare at the canvas in blank of what to paint. and then you looked at jay, an idea popped into your head.

you could paint him.

"stay still and don't move." you say and pick up a brush and start moving it along the canvas.

"you're painting me?" jay asks in pure shock as he turns to stare at you.

"i said don't move, idiot!"

"okay! okay!"

a small smile grows on your lips at jay sulking slightly at your little tantrum as you paint him.

jay wasn't too difficult to draw, he already looked like a real life sculpture so he made it easier for you. god took his time on jay and it shows.

jay's outfit today seemed to be perfect for the painting as well, he wore a white dress shirt and khaki colored slacks that he pulled off so effortlessly.

if any other guy wore it, you wouldn't even bat an eye but since jay wore it, you couldn't stop stealing glances at him.

he was just so effortlessly handsome, no wonder many girls wouldn't stop chasing him.

before you could overthink and dull yourself over the thoughts you chose to ignore it and just focus on painting.

you don't realize the time that passed by since you were indulged in a conversation with jay as you finished painting him. by the end of it, you were beyond tired from all the painting and jay's ass was so sore from sitting for so long.

you didn't allow jay to see the painting even after an argument, you managed to move the painting to your room where somewhere he couldn't find it.

"your house is nice, it would be nice to live here." jay says as he examines the interior while you were making orange juice for him.

jay said he felt thirsty after all the talking besides it would be rude to send your guest off without proper hosting etiquette.

"you live in a house like mine too, park." you say, sighing at his dramatic comment.

"yeah but the only thing missing there is you, it would be nice if i could wake up to you everyday and spend my entire life with you."

you shoot him a speechless expression which he laughs at.

"isn't it too early to be making marriage jokes?" you ask, pouring the juice into a glass for you and him.

"so you want to experience it one day with me?" he asks, pushing your buttons.

"you know that's not what i meant, park." you scoff, placing down the jug and pushing a glass towards him. "so shut the fuck up and drink that."

jay sends you a wink and take a sip from the orange juice.

"i can never get tired of you cussing, you're so fine when you do so." you had to admit, that sure made your cheeks turn crimson which jay unfortunately caught onto.

"oh my god!" jay shrieks, a wide grin plastered on his face as he approaches you.

"is THE y/n y/l/n blushing? because of me?" he fake gasps as he inches closer to you with each step while you lean over the counter.

"shut up jay, you're overreacting." you say, chuckling as you hide your face.

"you don't have the talent to lie babe, so i'm not sure why you bother doing so," he says, chuckling as he leans over towards you.

"you need to stop being cocky," you say, placing a hand on his chest indicating stop as you chuckle at him.

"and what if i don't?" he asks, taking your hand off his chest.

"you don't want to find out jay.." you trail off, still looking at him.

"if i do?"

you both stare at each other in silence, the tension in the air so thick nothing is heard except for the thuds of your heartbeats.

you smirk, leaning into his neck— so close he could feel your hot breath against his neck. it sends shivers down his spine but he keeps his cool.

"i'll make you finish a whole module of physics."

jay pulls away staring at you with a frown, not amused by you giving him false hope while you on the other hand seemed to be having a field day as you held your tummy, laughing out loud.

"that wasn't funny." jay snarls, scoffing at you laughing your ass off by the counter. sure it pissed him off but by the way you're laughing your ass of, it instantly takes away the annoyance.

he's too in awe with your smile gracefully plastered on your face as you laugh sounding like a melody in his ear.

your laughter dies down after a while and you finally could catch air after it all being sucked away from laughing.

"are you done y/l/n?" you look aside to see a pouty jay with his hallway finished orange juice in his hand.

"yeah yeah," you say, holding back another urge to laugh in his face. "with the last name? that's new."

jay doesn't say anything except for glaring at you which you roll your eyes at. back to being at each other's neck.

"keep those glares down, park. speaking about the module, we didn't have our tutor session today." you say, and take a sip from your glass

"can't we skip this one? we can hang out instead!"

"weren't you the one who wanted me to tutor you?"

"yeah but—"

"no but's jay, are you free on monday? after school? cause tomorrow i have plans with yizhou so i won't be free tomorrow," you ask him.

"that's fine by me." he says, then looks up to you. "but at my place."

"your place?" you ask, and look up at him.

"yeah my place, is that fine by you?" he asks, raising his eyebrow at you.

it's not that you haven't been to his place before so you wonder why you're hesitating. besides all you're both going to do is just study, not anything else.

"okay."

the night passes by with you both just talking with 70% you telling him to shut the fuck up or arguing and 20% of jay flirting and 10% of you both laughing your asses off.

honestly during the whole time you were just having fun, your cheeks were so sore from smiling the whole time it genuinely felt like a date but it wasn't.

jay left after a few hours just before you parents had come back home and you went to bed that night with the biggest smile on your face.

you were content with this, you finally had fun after a long time and damn was it worth it.

it finally felt like you got jay back and it was starting to feel like back then, the times you both were happy being around each other.

sunday rolled by and you went out with yizhou, got back before curfew and had fun.

you told yizhou about the progress between you and jay and she was wanting to throw the whole time because of how 'overwhelmingly sweet'.

and then monday happened, school went by and then night time came around and you found yourself in front of jay's mansion.

though it wasn't too different from yours and considering how you weren't a stranger here, you didn't know why you were so nervous.

you didn't know why you even out extra effort into looking good today? maybe because you haven't seen his parents after so long?

or maybe because you just wanted to impress jay? but all you guys agreed on was studying so why the dress up?

you couldn't find a answer in you so you just hit the bell and waited for someone to answer the door.

after a few seconds the door is opened and you're met with jay's mom, mrs.park.

"uh good evening, mrs.park" you greet, giving her a small smile as you stand by her doorstep.

"oh my! y/n?" she gasps, staring at you in shock. "it's been so long! don't wait there, come in!" she opens the door ajar, inviting you into her home.

"thank you mrs park," you give her another smile and walk in. the place hadn't changed too much, there were a few changes in the furniture but overall it the same old place.

"i haven't seen you in so long, i thought jay stopped being friends with you! i was so worried for the boy." she says, chuckling at the situation.

you nod and smile in return.

"oh, you're here." you look towards the stairs where jay is walking towards you, he looked as handsome as the other. even more now that he was in grey sweatpants and white t-shirt, your absolute weakness.

"hey," you greet him, and look away not wanting your gaze to linger on him too long.

"we're gonna go and study if you're done with the reunion mom," jay says jokingly, as he grabs your hand unannounced.

you stare at him wide eyed but he only smiles at you. you give his mom a shy smile "my apologies mrs.park, if you'd excuse us."

"sure sure dear, before you leave do join us for dinner" she says, and you give her a nod then smile at her before jay basically drags you to his room.

"damn hands off me, jay" you say, yanking your hand away and walk behind him into his room.

"my bad, it just happened naturally." he says, winking at you.

"everything just somehow happens naturally to you. " you say, scoffing as you set down your bag.

"yeah cause my hand seems to be a magnet that keeps on getting attracted to you," he says and acts like his hand us a magnet being pulled towards you while his other hand holds it back.

"you're so corny," you say, laughing at his stupid joke.

"nothing about me is corny babe, you're just in love with me." he says, shrugging and takes a seat next to you.

well he wasn't entirely wrong.

"yeah right, you wish." you say, rolling your eyes at his confidence. jay smirks and chuckles.

"i don't have to wish, i already know you do."

"shut up."

"you're so in love with me babe."

"no i’m not."

"you are."

"if anything you're the one in love with me, end of the topic now please shut up." you snarl at him, closing his mouth with your hand.

"and you're right." he says, taking away your hand. you snatch your hand away and urge jay to stop messing around and get on track to study.

hours pass by and you both actually study, a few times jay stops to flirt which you had to keep on scolding him for and a few times jay actually was studying, where he asked you questions and you helped him out on it.

when you both are finally done with the studying, you both plop back onto his bed, feeling so worn out.

laying in silence, you're almost drifting off into sleep if it wasn't for jay speaking up.

"y/n?"

you hum in response, eyes still closed.

"you look pretty today." he says, earning a smile from you.

"you look good in braids and i like your dress, it looks pretty on you."

"you're being awfully nice, what do you want?" you ask, chuckling at his sweet compliments.

you feel the bed shift, and then you feel your darkness turn darker which means something was hovering over you.

opening your eyes, you see jay leaning over on top of you but you don't bother yelling at him to move.

"i think you know the answer already," he says, smiling.

"don't tell me the answer is—"

"you, yeah."

"you need to stop flirting, it's not working if you're trying to woo me over," you say, poking your tongue out at him.

jay only stays silent, his smile doesn't leave his mouth and that's when you realize he isn't just kidding, he's being for real.

"jay."

"hm?" he hums, and you give him a unreadable expression. you’re confused, he’s making you confused. one second he’s with rina acting like nothing’s going on and the next minutes he’s all up on your ass trying to win you back.

not like he ever had you.

“stop playing around, it’s not funny—”

“i’m not playing y/n and you know that.” he says, sighing at you.

“i don’t jay and i’m not falling for this again, cause in the end i’m gonna end up hurt again which i don’t want to experience again.” you say, propping yourself up on your elbows, inching closer to the boy that’s hovering over you.

“i never meant to hurt you y/n, it wasn’t my intention— i literally have no idea what you’re talking about when you say i hurt you.” jay argues back, but it’s rather more calmly with his confused expression.

“you’re shitting me.”

jay opens his mouth to retort back but the knock on his room door interrupts you both.

“sir, madame wants you down for dinner.” a lady’s voice speaks from behind the door who you’re assuming is a helper in his house.

jay looks at the door and then back at you with a sigh. “we’ll be down in a while, thanks.”

after the footsteps disappear into a distance, move jay aside and get up from his bed. you pack your things into your bag and sling it over your shoulder.

“i’ll head downstairs first.” you say and head towards the door but just as you’re about to twist the knob jay holds onto your forearm.

“y/n.” he says but it sounds like a plead in disguise. you turn to look at him and you wonder.

if mentioning what happened is about to ruin the chances of you both having a civil friendship again, then you wish to forget about it. every time it’s about rina something just goes wrong. you decide to bring up the topic another time, this time you’d just rather forget it for the moment.

“i’ll wait for you downstairs, don’t keep your parents waiting.” you say, giving him a smile then exiting the room and leaving jay behind.

jay’s confused. he’s totally confused, he just doesn’t get what’s wrong and what’s going on. his phone starts ringing and it jolts him awake from his confused-daze that he was in.

sunghoon’s name flashes across the screen and jay swipes right on it to answer.

“hey dude, you wanna come over later after your tutor session with your _girlfriend_ is done?” sunghoon asks, mocking jay’s massive crush on you from the other end of his phone.

“she’s not my girlfriend, hoon.” jay says, plopping onto his bed as a smile grows on his lips at the thought of you being his girlfriend.

“eyyyy saying that as if you don’t want her to be your girlfriend.”

jay has liked you since forever and he means it. from the moment you helped him out for being lost in elementary school, he’s had large heart eyes for you and only you ever since then and any sane person would’ve noticed that.

although you both drifted apart, growing up— jay hadn’t forgotten you even a little. he’s always watched you from afar (not in a creepy way ofc), never growing the balls to ever ask you out— jay remembers telling making sure that everyone knew you were completely off limits.

especially to sleazy, low-life or stacked guys, he made sure to them that you were completely off-limits. you were his from the beginning and now that he’s finally going to get you, he couldn’t just let anyone else have you.

it was so bad till sunghoon and jake had to start matchmaking the both of you in ‘coincidental ways’.

it never worked out, it was the universe just didn’t want their friend jay to win in terms of you until, miracle happened. well not exactly since sunghoon and jake bribed jay’s teacher to match up the both of you in a project.

jay was the happiest boy in the entire world the day he got home, his mum was so confused why her son was helping her out in the kitchen or skipping around the house with the biggest smile plastered on his face.

sunghoon and jake remember regretting setting him up like that because every 2 minutes back then jay would spam in their group chat about how thrilled and all he would ever speak about was you, y/n y/l/n.

jay remembers vividly every day back then, every second he was so genuinely happy to be with you even if it’s just you both being in the same room, he didn’t show it but he truly was the happiest.

at one point, he realised that you were the one. so he asked you out after the final meetup for the project.

but of course, in every seed of good there is always a piece of bad. he doesn’t know why right after that you started avoiding him although you said yes to him. you didn’t show up to the date, he tried calling you, texting you, he even asked around but it was all to no avail.

you just started ghosting him, and when he did see you at school you would pretend that you didn’t know him, nor did you even acknowledged his existence.

even when he dated other girls to get over you, he just couldn’t. you just had that effect on him that no matter what, no matter how girls he could get in just a snap— they could all never be you.

not even rina could compare to you, she couldn’t be you ever.

up until one day, jay just got so pissed off by rina being so clingy to him like a leech— he almost yelled at her but he just stormed off in annoyance to the smoking spot he always smoked at.

rina had really annoyed him to the point he even got pissed that there were people smoking at a literal smoking spot. he wasn’t going to head back to class after that and he really needed to hit a blunt so he looked around and found a spot behind a building in the school compound.

approaching it he did felt like something was weird, and as soon as he turned to the left he sees you, leaning the against the wall with a cigar between your lips? jay couldn’t believe the sight before him back then, he in absolute shock.

never would he have ever imagined seeing a cigarette and you together. it just seemed impossible but if it wasn’t for the wall next to him, he would’ve fallen to his knees.

the y/n y/l/n was so freaking hot.

he noticed that you hadn’t realized his presence therefore he took out his zippo lighter, lighting up his cigarette and closes the lid shut.

that seemed to break you out of your train of thoughts because the way you looked at him and the cigar falling between your fingers made jay knew that he’s hit the jackpot.

"didn't know the miss little goody-two-shoes had bad habits after all."

and that led to where the both of you were now. jay didn’t really need tutoring, not like he has ever gave a shit to his studies knowing it’ll all be taken care of by his father regardless of how his results are but at that point it was the only thing he could think of.

that seemed to be the only way for him to get you spending time with him so he asked you to tutor him in return for him keeping your secret. though that didn’t seem to be much helpful since you keep on confusing him with how he’s hurt you.

jay is just as confused as you. he’s missing something from the story line and he has a feeling it’s something related to him.

“dude you on the line? i been calling you for like the— fifth time now.” sunghoon yelling into the phone wakes jay from his thoughts.

“oh yeah, yeah. sorry, my bad,” jay apologies into the phone as he massages the temple of his head. “y/n keeps on saying i hurt her but i just don’t know what she’s talking about.”

“mmm,” sunghoon hums on the line. “did you say anything offensive to her?”

“not that i know nor will i ever say anything offensive to her.” jay answers to his friend while he thinks about it.

“do you think it has anything to do with what happened the last time you guys ever spoke?” sunghoon’s question rings in his head making him sit right upon his bed.

“huh? like just now?” jay asks and sunghoon’s disappointed sigh is heard from the other end.

“this is why y/n hates you.”

“WHAT!”

“i meant like the last time you guys spoke as in before she started ghosting you— like anything related to that?” jay’s eyebrows furrowed, something related to that?

could it be the fact he asked you out in the lousiest way possible? were you hurt by that? couldn’t be since you said yes, happily. could it be the place he chose to take you out on a date? couldn’t be so, it was a common spot for lovers and he had done his research the day before about the place and its ratings.

they had a 5-star rating.

then what?

could it be that—

shit.

could it be that you saw what happened between him and rina.

“fuck dude— oh my god.” jay gasps into the phone, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as if he was back to that day again and rina kissing him.

knowing you, you definitely would’ve jumped into conclusion without figuring out the whole thing.

“what’s wrong jay?” sunghoon asks, still on the line.

“i think— i think y/n might have seen rina kissing me,” jay says and groans in frustration. “remember the stupid shit rina pulled right on that day where i told you she kissed me and like we fought.”

“no way, bro you telling me y/n saw that? AND THAT’S WHY SHE GHOSTED YOU?” sunghoon practically screams into the phone with the biggest gasp, he worries jay at times.

“it’s the only logical answer for now. i think she saw it— ugh fuck i’m such an idiot.” jay sighs, wondering how long you thought he was a jerk.

on the day he had been waiting for you for the date, jay was beyond thrilled and happy— it was finally the day he had waited for about years now: a date with the girl of his dreams.

you were about to arrive in time, he was making sure everything was in the right order until he heard weeping noises behind him. turning around, he remembers seeing his crying ex, rina who was sobbing endlessly as she stared at him.

“what the fuck? are you okay rina, what are you doing her—”

before he could even finish his sentence rina ran to him and engulfed him in a hug. his first thought was to calm her down despite the fact you could arrive any moment, he can’t just be an asshole and leave the crying girl by herself.

“b-babe, i’m sorry.” she cries, almost inaudible.

“rina speak up clearly please? what happened? are you hurt anywhere?” jay asks, frantically— worried as he looks at rina with wide eyes.

“i’m hurt.” she says, clutching onto his shirt as she sobs. jay’s eyes widens in horror, immediately taking his phone out to dial emergency.

“WHAT! i’m calling—”

“don’t!” rina gasps, snatching his phone out his hand. “i’m hurt that you’re on a date with another girl.. how can you do this to me?” she frowns.

“are you fucking kidding me?” jay yanks her hands off him and pushes her away from him.

“babe, hear me out, please? i miss you, you cant just give up on us—”

“rina shut the fuck up. you’re pissing me off, please leave.” jay says, exhaling a deep breath as he holds back his anger. was she kidding him? she was literally about to ruin his date with you.

“jay baby,” she whines, moving closer to him again. “don’t do this to us— to me. you’re mine, you can’t just throw me away for some other girl.”

“rina. leave before i call the security on you.”

rina only scoffs, crossing her arms. “you can’t call security on me!”

before jay could say anything else, rina clings onto him and captures her lips in his with her arms around his neck. jay stays frozen, in shock at her literally jumping on him and kissing him.

rina moans into the kiss and that’s what it took for him to regain his senses. he pushes rina off him, coughing as he tries to catch air.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” jay yells, catching rina by suprise. jay moves forward to grab her by the arm and yell into her face for kissing him, the security rushes in and drags rina out of there while she screams for them to let her go..

he’ll deal with her later— all that mattered what you right now. rina ruined his mood completely but jay could care less about that, he was waiting for you.

he waited, waited and waited— even when it was pouring cat and dogs, you never came.

“sir? you should head in, you’re drenched.” a staff from the restaurant holds an umbrella over jay and invites him in but jay only shakes his head.

“it’s fine, my date she’ll be here soon— i’m waiting for her.” jay replies, giving the staff a tight smile. the staff only stares in sympathy, feeling sorry for the boy sitting outside under the rain, drenched and shivering in coldness, waiting for his date that never came.

jay was about pass out from sitting in the rain for too long, his nose was red from sneezing and he was shaking uncontrollably. he waited for you, he was willing to wait longer but his body couldn’t take it anymore

sunghoon’s mustang parked right in front of him as a worried jake and sunghoon came running for their friend engulfing their heartbroken friend in a warn hug.

“jay…” sunghoon trailed off, sighing at the poor sight of his friend.

“she’ll come—” jay sneezes, midway into his sentence. “right?”

jake only bares to look at sunghoon with a frown as sunghoon returns the same one.

“she will, but not today.” sunghoon replies, pulling jay into a hug even more tighter and jay silently sobs into his friend’s chest as the three of them got drenched in the then drizzling rain.

“jay?”

“hoon, i don’t think i’ve ever been this tempted to kill a person ever before.” jay says and hears sunghoon choke at the other end.

“i would suggest you to calm down.” sunghoon says, chuckling in the most awkward way possible.

“rina ruined everything, i can’t believe i went back to her without knowing she was the reason why y/n never came that day.”

sunghoon scoffs and then sighs.

“and brought you to that state that day.” he says, blood boiling at the memories of him finding his friend in the most miserable situation he’s ever seen.

“if i ever see her again, i don’t even know what i’ll do.”

“dude, worry less about rina. she shouldn’t even be on your mind— worry about y/n first, what are you going to do with her?”

jay sighs once more, “right. i totally forgot about that.”

“try explaining everything to her, work things out with y/n dude first." sunghoon says, and then ending the call after a while.

sunghoon's right, he should just push rina to the back of his mind and focus on you first.

focus on getting you back.

he heads down after awhile, and smiles at the scene in the kitchen as he heads down the stairs.

you and his mom chatting, with smiles on each others face and jay's smile widens even more when he sees you laugh at something his mother says.

it warms his heart how happy you are.

"you're like so late, jongseong." his mom says, spotting him walking into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets.

you glance at jay and then take a seat, jay slides in next to you after his mom has sat in front of you.

"is dad not joining us?" jay asks, taking his own portion of food.

"he's busy, he said he'll be home for dinner." his mom answers, and then frowns at you. "too bad he can't see you, y/n."

you just give her a small smile as you serve yourself the food too.

jay and his mom fall into a conversation, and you can't help but admire how lovely the pair look like, a perfect mother and son duo.

you wish you had this type of relationship with you mother, a conversation where you can actually smile and laugh with her instead of the thick tension and silence every time you're in the same room as her.

"y/n? is everything okay?"

mrs.park stares at you with curiosity as you zoned out. you nod, and apologize.

"yes mrs.park, sorry."

she gives you a warm smile, and before you could take another bite from your food— a pair of chopsticks with peeled shrimp comes onto your bowl, placing the seafood on it.

you look at jay, confused as to why he placed his food on yours.

"eat up," he says and smiles at you then looking away. you're sure you caught a small blush on his face but you let it slide, as you take a bite of the shrimp and rice.

dinner went by smoothly in no time since you three were catching up on so much stuff, in laughter and joy.

you felt so warm hearted and joyful by the end of the dinner, since it's truly rare that you ever sit down at a dinner table and have joyful chats over dinner or lunch.

thought the sadness of having to leave mrs.park too soon, she assured you that you're always welcomed at her home, anytime before jay walked you out to his porch.

"jongseong drop y/n off, it's too late for her to go back at this time." his mom says, and shoves jay his porsche keys behind you.

you and jay step outside of his mansion and stand there as the chilly breeze hits you both, making you shiver since you wore a dress.

"you're cold." jay says, and heads back inside then comes back out with a jacket. his varsity jacket.

"you don't have to." you say, waving your hands at him but jay only ignores you, like he always does.

he puts the jacket around you, the jacket hugs you engulfing you into immediate warmth.

"it's chilly, and you're shivering. i'm not letting you catch a cold, babe." you hold back the urge to roll your eyes at the nickname, and the urge to call him out in that.

be grateful, y/n. you remind yourself.

"thank you." you say, and jay smiles.

"welcome, love." he says, then holds your hand in his larger ones. "let's go."

taking you by your hand to his car in the garage just next the mansion, where a whole line up of sports and expensive cars were.

he unlocks the porsche with his keys, then opens the passenger side for you. you mutter another thanks and got in.

then moving over to the drivers sides he gets in and starts the engine, driving out of the mansion compound in no time.

during the drive you refrain from mentioning what happened at his room earlier, you felt like an asshole every time this happened. but, you were the one who was hurt.

"so—"

"uhm s—"

jay and you speak up but stop as soon as the other speaks up and falls into a defeated silence.

"go first y/n," jay says while his gaze remains on the road before him.

"no it's fine, you go first jay."

jay glances at you, then back to the road again which you take as a sign to just shut the fuck up and go first.

"fine," you sigh and then look at the window, watching the buildings pass by in a blur.

"uhm, about what happened earlier.." you trail off, noticing his gaze on your for a second.

you didn't know why this was making you so nervous, like what happened to the fierce y/n?

"about earlier uhm— can we never mention it? like ever? i don't want to talk about it anymore."

jay almost hits the gas in shock but he remains focused so he doesn't crash you both.

fuck, right when he wanted to clear up the mess.

"uhm," jay says, unsure of what to answer.

"everytime we bring it up, we sort of get into a conflict or something so let's just not talk about it." you say, giving jay a smile as you nod.

"this way we can be homies without any awkward stuff going on or whatever ahahahaha!" you say and laugh in the most awkward way possible.

how were you fucking it up even more worse?

jay remains silent throughout the rest of the ride and you assume he either is on the same page as you or…. is on the same page as you.

you decide to leave it at that and not question anything further. but at least now you and jay won't have any arguments other than the petty ones you have with him for fun.

he pulls up by the front gate of your mansion, pulling the break as he parks the car.

you stay silent, biting your lip not knowing what to say to break the deafening silence.

"y/n?"

ugh, you don't like the tone of it.

"i want to talk about it though, i think you've got it all w—"

and just like that, your phone rings interrupting the both of you. you shoot him an apologetic smile and check the caller ID.

fuck, it's your mom.

"yes mom," you say, answering the call.

"it's past curfew, why aren't you home yet?" the strict tone of her voice shoot at you straight from the phone, it annoys you how much you dislike her for being like this.

why couldn't she be like mrs.park?

"i'm coming inside, mom." there's a pause after your answer, and then the dial gets cut. you take your phone away from your ear, sighing silently at the black screen.

"is everything alright?" jay's voice fills up the silent atmosphere making you look up at him.

"yeah, my mom wants me in right now." you say, keeping your phone into your bag and then slinging it over your shoulder.

jay only nods with a smile hiding the sadness behind it, you almost forgot he was in the middle of saying something.

he could text you later. you then proceed to open the door, but you're stuck.

pushing yourself up, you're still unable to move, confused by something holding you back.

"your seatbelt is still on." jay says, chuckling at you.

"oh.." you trail off as embarrassment hits you. you're beyond grateful it's quite dim in his car because you were steaming hot in the face and most definitely the color of a beetroot.

fuck y/n you're so stupid you think to yourself, as you bite your lip while jay leans over your body and unlocks the seatbelt.

his perfume smell was light but it was almost too addicting you wanted him to stay right with you.

"there you go," he chuckles, exiting the car and then walking over to open your door. you give him a shy smile and take his hand, exiting the car.

"thank you, for everything today." you say, looking up at him under the golden colored streetlight.

if only he knew how pretty he looked in your eyes.

you could literally paint him as you stare at him, at the moment.

"go in," jay says, patting your head and then placing a small kiss on your forehead catching you by surprise, but you don't question him.

you nod and then wave a goodbye at him as you walk away, into the mansion. jay watches you with a smile and his hands in his pocket.

"goodnight, babe." he whispers as if you could hear it from the distance you both are at. nevertheless the sight of you in his jacket makes his heart beat a little faster as his smile widens.

he was so lovesick.

but there was a problem now, how is he going to clear up the issue about you thinking he kissed rina during the date on purpose?

he was so fucked.

as everything unfolds in the y/l/n's mansion compound, a pair of sharp eyes watches all the way up from the mansion.

mrs.y/l/n watches as the boy her daughter tutors, pat and kiss her on the head as he sends her back home— and her daughter walking into her home with a boy's jacket around her.

mrs.y/l/n blood boils as she watches the two lovesick fools, wondering where had she gone wrong in raising her daughter.

thinking her daughter had been obedient, away from the eyes of boys and away from a mess like park jongseong, the son of the parks, rivals of the y/l/ns.

how could her daughter fall in love with the son of their rival. this was wrong, and messed up— mrs.y/l/n hated changes, changes that could bring very bad downfall to their family.

she's going to step in and fix the mess her daughter dragged in under the foolish name of love.

as you fall asleep with a smile in your bed, you mother is behind the closed doors of her office, plotting a very big surprise ahead of you.

TODAY was full of surprises, when you woke up and prepared to leave for school, your mom had surprisingly called you over for breakfast.

she asked about your day yesterday, which was very weird since usually she doesn't care about anything you do unless it's related to your academics.

you successfully dodged them all until she caught you off guard with one question.

"did you take a cab last night?"

"no, mrs.park dropped me off."

you noticed the weird swift in the air but you decided to not bother about it, thinking it's just your mom being nosy in the name of caring once in a while.

and when you arrived at school, a group of girls were surrounded by your table.

"what's going on?" you ask out loud, confused as to why everyone was camping at your table. the girls at your table only give you a look of jealousy while another few give you 'ooohs'.

moving closer, you see a large and by large it has to be as big as your desk. a large bouquet of roses.

you look around the bouquet for a card but it's to no avail. you look around the classroom but jay but he and his friends are nowhere to be found.

yizhou chuckles at you, as she approaches you.

"looks like your boyfriend is going all out this time, huh?"

"jay is not my boyfriend, yizhou." you scoff and instead of getting a retort back, you see yizhou smirking.

"never mentioned jay," she says, and winks at you as she rushes off before you could say anything.

you take a seat with a sigh.

"you got fans, babe?" you hear jay behind you as he slings an arm around you. you give him a side glare, then push his arms off you.

"take your hands off me, and stop calling me babe for god's sake." you say, then take off your bag, setting it on your chair, behind you.

"you weren't saying that last night, y/n."

"oh my god, shut up!" you scowl at jay, slapping your hand onto his mouth.

jay chuckles and presses his lips to your palm making you yank away your hand and whine from annoyance, while he laughs his ass off.

"stop it!" you scoff, and wipe your hands off with a tissue with a glare to jay. however he doesn't mind, since the bouquet on the table seemed to be catching his attention.

"can't believe you're getting flowers and all now— you got yourself a fan or what?" jay asks, side eyeing the bouquet as if he wasn't the one that came to school early to leave the custom ordered bouquet on your table.

"why does it bother you anyway, are you jealous or what?" you ask and smirk.

"why should i be jealous?"

"then were you the one who sent this? im rejecting you flatly, if so."

"why would i anyway?" jay says and pulls a strand of your hair which made you shriek and hit him on the arm.

you're both arguing harmlessly away in your own world, while a gaze remains on you both from the back of the class.

"don't you think she's a brazen bitch? even after you ruined every chance she had with him, how is he still with her, geez?" rina's friend scoffs as he watches the romance between you and jay.

rina nods, watching the both of you with a glare, her vision painted red.

"i'll make sure it's over for her this time."

WEEKS PASS BY and you're nearing the end of your semester, which meant your tutor sessions with jay were coming to an end as well.

it's been months since you both agreed on the agreement of him keeping your secret and you tutoring him in return.

you still don't know why jay asked you to tutor him when he could afford tutors better than a high schooler herself.

you think perhaps it was a idea that he could randomly just think of at that moment.

nevertheless you're glad he did came up with him despite at first all you both did was fall into awkward fights because he screwed you over in the past.

you're pretty much sure that this time he's serious, and he isn't going to screw you over. hopefully, at least.

since you decided to just have a crush on him silently and not have the fake hope all over again— you managed to keep it up all along and jay on the other hand, is on the same page as well, other than his stupid little flirtings and random gifts as if you were his girlfriend (you wish), things were pretty much going well.

over the months you and jay started to hang out alot other than the time you both spend during tutoring sessions.

and got closer too. tutors went well, jay would purposely finish up early just so he could hang out with you for the rest of the tutoring time.

as for the rest, since you and jay got closer again it meant yizhou also got close to sunghoon and jake.

you sensed something fishy going on between yizhou and sunghoon for a while now so you kept on teasing her about it since she was teasing you about jay.

things were really going smoothly and well.

you had just finished studying for the night and took a shower, so here you were putting lotion over your body and doing your skin care.

just as you were about to turn off your lights and take your rest for the night, you heard something knock on your window.

you stood frozen as you mind started going places, wondering what horrifying ghost was behind the window.

you decided to turn off the lights and run to your bed and not check it out like every other idiot in borrow movies would do.

so you stood by the lights, one foot over by the wall and the other leaping already, ready to jump on your bed as soon as your fingers flick the switch off.

another knock is heard, and you flick off the lights so fast and sprint to your bed. hiding under the sheets of your expensive duvet.

and another knock again, this time you start praying under the sheets with your eyes shut close as you hope for whatever behind your window to go away.

and another knock, once again! you were convinced you were doomed by the ghost that's haunting you tonight. you made sure your toes were gripping the edge of your blanket so the ghost doesn't pull your leg off.

"y/n!" a muffled scream from the ghost is heard and you freeze, absolutely about to shit yourself from how scared you were.

WHY DOES THE GHOST KNOW YOUR NAME AND WHY DOES THE GHOST SOUND LIKE JAY?

hold on.

taking the sheets off you, you sit up straight. it can't be him right? you wonder to yourself as you get off the bed and head towards your window.

your eyes widens at the sight of the boy in the backyard, in bushes throwing pebbles at your window and you sigh in relief for the fact at least it isn't a ghost.

running to switch the lights on, you open your window and glare at jay.

"what do you think you're doing? almost midnight? at a girl's house?" you whisper-yell at him, your hand over your chest as you stare at him unbelievably.

he's crazy.

"visiting you babe, what else?" jay whispers-yells back with a wink and you scoff.

"you saw me not even hours ago, park."

"and? i missed you so what?" he replies back, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly at the same time.

shy jay was rare, so you took the opportunity to laugh in secret of course— he'd never let you off if he found out you were mocking him, again.

"you saw me, go back home now." you say, and duck your head back inside, almost closing the window if it wasn't for him shrieking.

"Y/N!"

"SHHH!" you hiss at him for being too loud in the eerie hours of the night.

"i didn't come all the way here for you to shoo me away!"

"i'm most certainly not inviting you in, park."

and there he was sitting in the middle of your room, looking at you with doe eyes as you stood in front of him with your hands crossed.

“if anyone told me i’d be in a romeo and juliet shit once, i wouldn’t have believed them, but here i am.”

romeo and juliet had nothing on you both, that’s for sure.

"what now?" you ask jay, looking over him for some answers. what could he possibly want at night, when it's gonna be midnight anytime soon?

before jay could answer, you gasp covering your chest with your arms.

"i'm not going to have sex with you, park." you say, and jay just bursts out into a semi-loud but quiet laugh because your parents will murder him if they found out a boy is in their daughter's room as the clock inches closer to midnight.

"i like how that's your first thought," jay pauses, smirking at you. "unless you want to fuck me, babe."

you fake a gag at jay's reply as he laughs again.

"yeah yeah laugh all you want y/n, it's not like we never fucked before right?" jay says, raising his eyebrow at you.

"shut the fuck up, jay— oh my god!" you say, shoving him on your bed as you cover your face from embarrassment.

if it wasn't obvious already, jay indeed was your first. but this happened back then before he screwed you over and all that stuff— it's not like you regret it happening, you just wish things hasn't turned out for the both of you like that after you both fucked.

but then again, if that didn't happen— you both wouldn't be like this today.

"it's so annoying how i can have any other guy in my room but you're like the first and the only loser that's ever been in here." you say, taking a seat next to him with a laugh.

"first and last, babe."

"in your imagination."

"if so, i wouldn't be here right now next to you in real life y/n." he says, shoving you playfully. "don't act like you don't like it anyways, y/n."

with that you shut up, having no other answer to retort. after a while of silence, and a while of you both just staring at each other with smiles— you remember why is he here at night, it was gonna be midnight.

"what are you doing here jay, i'm being serious this time." you ask, looking over at him as you take off your hair tie, letting down your hair.

jay stares at you, mesmerized. he's always been mesmerized by you, he's always in awe every time he sees you. sometimes he thinks you're not real and you're just a fictional character that's in his dream.

but you're actually real and he can't believe it.

he's bonded with you even more over the months, and the semester is ending soon which means his tutor session with you is finally ending.

and he's not very happy about it, sure he can still hang out with you but tutor sessions ending just sounds so depressing. it's like losing a dear friend.

though studying was the main point, he doesn't care how hard it is, as long as he's got you, he's in good hands.

jay's crush for you developed even more over the months, and he's finally come to the conclusion that he's gonna ask you out.

soon, but not now.

also it's been months but he hasn't cleared up the whole 'rina kissing him and you thinking that he did that on purpose' thing cause none of you ever brought it up, like ever.

"i'm here to give you something and…" jay says, with a smile. "tell you something."

"alright make it quick then." you say, waving him off. "i need to sleep, quick jay boy." you say, again.

but jay remains silent, with a grin on his face as he glances at the golden vintage click on your wall.

huh? you look at the time and it's 11:58 p.m.

"jay?" you call his name only getting a "shh wait babe" in return.

so you wait, with a sigh as you lean on your elbow, watching the boy by your leg.

"okay okay, y/n get up!" jay shrieks, making you hiss a 'shh' at him, getting up and sitting face to face at him.

"tomorrow is my birthday." jay says, grinning at you and your eyes widened in shock.

"YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS NOW?" you gasp, immediately slapping your hand to your mouth realizing how loud it was.

you look at the clock and it's 11:59 p.m. only a few seconds away to 00:00 a.m.

"you're such an idiot, i can't believe you're telling me this now.." you sigh at jay, but then a smile grows on your lips as the clock is 2 seconds away from 00:00 a.m.

you both stare at each other in silence, with the biggest smile ever. jay has a bigger one, waiting to hear happy birthday from you.

00:00 A.M.

"happy birthday jay."

this is the best gift jay has ever gotten in his entire lifetime of birthdays. nothing could beat the sight of a barefaced you, sitting in front of him with the brightest smile in the world only with him— not even the newest sports car in the market.

though he's grateful for that but you and him, like the only person in the entire world, felt like a fever dream to him.

"jay?" you call out, waving your hand at his face.

"kiss me."

"what?" you're not sure if you heard it right, but it sounded like jay asked you to kiss him.

"y/n, kiss me."

you stare at him for a second. you forget the fact it's his birthday, it doesn't need to be a wish for him. it feels like a free pass for you to kiss him, the plump lips you missed oh so much if it wasn't for your ego and heartbreak phase.

it's something you both wanted, so why not?

"y—"

putting your arms around jay, you connect your lips on jay's unannounced— locking your lips like it was a puzzle that's finally put together after being separated for so long.

the only thought running through jay's head as his lips finally reunited with yours was that home stopped being a place ever since he met you.

seriously, he's never been genuinely happier. ever.

pulling away, you both catch for breath as you lean on jay's shoulder with his arms around your waist.

this seemed way too right, and perfect.

"how was that for a gift, park?" you ask, chuckling feeling the warmth radiate off jay as he laughs, the nuzzling feeling giving you a sort of comfort.

"perfect y/n, just you alone i couldn't ask for a better gift." he says, sighing at ease.

you both just sit there in silence, against each other, the soft sound from your air-conditioner and the soft sound of cars passing by doesn't make the silence too silent as your room smells like the perfume that jay loved so dearly.

your eyes begin to droop from the comfort and the minutes passing by.

"you said you wanted to sleep, y/n." jay says, his voice a little rusty from not speaking for a while. it's as if he could read your mind.

your mind was just telling you how you both soulmates at this point.

"hmm, but you said you had something to give me." you say groggily, jay almost chuckled at how adorable you looked, half-asleep.

and you thought you were dreaming because of how idiotically lovely he looked with a big smile while he's wearing a leather jacket that's supposed to be intimidating.

but it's jay you're talking about.

everything about him was comforting to you.

"you sure you want it now?"

"mmmm."

"if you insist, but I'm putting you to bed after it." he says as if he's your dad.

"you're not my father," you chuckle lightly, still awaiting to see what he wants to give you.

jay just shakes his head as he takes something that looks like an envelope from his leather jacket.

"here." he says, handing it to you carefully so you don't get a paper cut or something from its sharp edges due to the new printing.

"what's this?" you ask, opening the envelope.

it says, you're invited in big italic font— that's pretty much you can see with the drowsiness blocking your view.

"a birthday invite." you look up at jay, with a confused face.

"my birthday silly, we're holding a party. you're getting the first invite." he says, giggling at you as he opens the invite further.

you act like you can read it then you close it, "i'll check this tomorrow, i'm like so sleepy right now jay." you say, handing him back the invite.

"my bad, sorry y/n." he says, shoving it back into his leather jacket and helping you up to your side of the bed.

he tucks you into your duvet, turning off the lights and sits by your side.

"i'll leave after you're asleep," he whispers softly, as he strokes your head softly. you eyes closed, slowly and slowly— and you fall into a deep slumber.

when jay assumes you're asleep, he gives a small peck on your forehead with a small content smile, he gets up to leave but a small tug on his jacket holds him back.

"don't go.." you whisper, your voice so fragile that it could break with the tiniest inconvenience.

he tries to take your hands over his jacket with his fingers, making sure it doesn't wake you up but you don't budge.

giving up after a while, he assures you that he isn't leaving and you finally let go unconsciously.

jay goes over to your door to lock it just in case your parents walk in or something, then he heads over to the other side of the bed and lays down beside you after taking off his jacket so he doesn't feel uncomfortable.

he keeps a decent space next to you, only you hand in his as the only source of skin skip— but sleepy you seem to be more of a skin ship fan than you are awake.

cause you literally cuddled right into jay's chest with his arms around him. he feels you drifting off into deep sleep as he whispers,

"goodnight, love."

his eyes starts to droop and in a distance from the real world, he hears soft mumbling from you.

"hate how much.. i like you but….. i’m.. scared for the hurt…"

and with that, the two of you fall into a deep slumber, safe and sound in each other's arms like it's where you both belonged.

THE BUZZING SOUND of your phone stirs you up awake slightly, but it wasn't as strong as the knocks on your door.

"miss y/n?"

"hmm," you hum in response as you cuddle deeper into your very comfortable pillow. this had to be the best sleep you ever had, it's never been this comfortable you have no idea when have you pillow been this comfortable before.

"breakfast is ready miss!" one of the helpers around the house's voice rang from the other side of your door.

"okay, i'm awake!" you whine louder but the helper doesn't go away. right, if your phone alarm didn't work, you could always count on your helpers to wake you up.

your sleep slowly drifts away, leaving you awake but your eyes are still closed too tired to open it.

"has y/n woke up yet?" from a distance you think you hear your dad but you assume it's just mind playing tricks.

"no sir, i've been waking her up but i don't think she's up yet."

"just leave it to me, go and help madame downstairs."

"yes sir."

a pause is heard after a few footsteps disappears and then the loud knocks on your door appears.

"y/n wake up, it's 11 am!"

this is definitely your dad. you jolt awake at your dad on the outside of your door, knocking it repeatedly.

getting off the bed, you scramble across your room seeing if it's spotless or has trash lying around it— your dad is a clean freak so just s tiny bit of trash lying around and you're doomed.

"arghh."

what the fuck.

you walk back to where the sound came from, fear filling up in you as you see the so-called pillow.

oh god.

you pull the duvets off and you almost pass out. what the fuck was park jay doing in your bed— SHIRTLESS?

"what the fuck, oh my god. oh my god." you pant in panic, staring wide eyed at the boy in your bed. you tap jay awake, you push him you shake him and you whisper-yell at him to wake up.

"mom two minutes some more.." jay groans, his voice hoarse it was literally negative 10 deep you almost fell to your knees if your dad wasn't about to break in.

"JAY WAKE THE FUCK UP." you hiss, slapping his back which definitely woke him up. he sits straight up, hair messy and rubbing his eyes.

"leave, my dad is outside he's gonna barge in!" you say, picking up his shirt from the floor of your bedroom— handing it to him.

"huh? what? y/n what are you doing in my room?" he asks, groggily as he gets up, putting his shirt over his body.

"you're in MY room and we're doomed if you don't leave right now jay, i'm not kidding LEAVE RIGHT NOW." you hiss, pushing him out of your window.

"oh my god, okay okay." he says, you're assuming he is awake now that he isn't slurring anything anymore. you help him climb down carefully and throw his shoes down.

"call me idiot!" you tell him, signaling your fingers into a call sign and then waving him goodbye.

jay gives you a wink and a smile then waves a goodbye at you as he climbs over the gates surrounded by the mansion and leaves.

a huge sigh leaves you in relief.

"fuck." you hiss, almost forgetting your dad was practically yelling from the corridor, outside of your room.

looking around your room, you see jay's leather jacket left behind. with a groan you kick it under your bed, making sure nothing is left behind.

and then you open the door.

"sorry, i just woke up.." you apologize to your dad, faking a yawn to seal the deal.

your dad glares at you flatly.

"a young lady shouldn't even be sleeping till this late."

"my bad dad, it won't happen again." you say, looking down until he leaves and when he does you shut the door, and slide down it.

a millions of question running through your mind and the biggest ones of all were :

what the fuck happened last night?

& why the fuck park jongseong was sleeping next you in your room — SHIRTLESS?

you sigh as you stare at the vase with the roses you had received months ago, you never let it die, did your part watering it and keeping it alive.

BREAKFAST was awkward, your dad was back from his business trip so he was around quite often.

though you were not that glad that he's back, but you're also glad maybe now whenever you eat there's someone to at least have a small conversation with.

that too related to academics only.

after breakfast you stayed in your room, doing your own work since it was the weekend. jay cancelled the tutoring today since he's preparing for his birthday party.

his birthday party, you almost forgot that you received an invite from him. rushing across the room, you bend over and take his jacket that you kicked under earlier.

"ah!" you gasp at your finger being pricked accidentally from the envelope. with an annoyed groan, you get up and get your small wound healed with a bandage.

taking a seat on your floor, you take the envelope in your hand, making sure you don't get hurt again.

allowed to bring a +1 you read on the rules and regulations. you could bring yizhou, unless she already got an invite from sunghoon or something.

you text yizhou shortly after, asking her to go with you and thankfully she said yes. now you have to worry about what to wear.

going through the dresses in your closet you're in a dilemma not knowing what to wear except for the fact you know it’s supposed to be classy and all fancy. after a hour of contemplating on which dress looked the best you finally settled for the white one..

right, now which gift should you give him.

jay’s rich and he probably has everything you can ever think of. you pace around your room thinking what gift to order last minute, nothing comes to mind.

until you remembered the portrait of jay that you had painted back then. bingo! he wanted to see it so bad but you felt like you hadn’t done the finishing touch yet!

you glanced at the clock, great! you had enough time to finish the painting, get dressed and leave in time for his birthday party.

so for the next few hours, you spent it on finishing the painting and having it dried, then trying it with a ribbon after wrapping it.

throughout the process, you were thinking of what jay would react like. you were hoping he'd like it.

when you were done, you placed it by the wall, directly in front of your bed.

after you were done with that, you took a shower and quickly got ready. with the finishing touch of spraying your perfume, you smiled at yourself in the mirror.

the terrifying part was going downstairs and your mom staring at you like she had never seen a human before.

"where are you going? all dressed up y/n?"

you don't answer her till you arrive down the stairs, carefully walking so you don't trip over in your heels.

"it's an event, yizhou is going." you say, giving her a tight lipped smile. she eyes you up and down, it doesn't give you a good feeling.

"where and what event? why am i not aware of it?" she questions you again. you refrain from sighing, and just answer her so you don't look suspicious or anything.

"it was last minute— it's a school event." you lie through your teeth. if she was a normal mom who wouldn't go batshit insane at the word 'boy' coming from your mouth, you wouldn't bother lying to her.

but since it's your mom, that speaks for itself.

"why are you all dressed up? school events aren't too classy."

"i have to live up to the y/l/n, don't i? after all, i'm the heir of our family, it's my responsibility to keep up the standard and class."

that was straight up bullshit, anyone would know you're held at gunpoint with that coming out from your mouth.

"be back by curfew, don't. be. late, you said it wouldn't happen again, keep your words." she says sternly, and then nods at you to leave.

"okay mom, have a great evening." with that, you leave for the event, and take a ride by the personated driver your mom had assigned to.

halfway through the ride you realize that you accidentally left the gift by mistake back at home.

you assure yourself it's fine, that you can just give it to jay another— hoping he wouldn't mind.

you don't know if you're shocked or if you're shocked when you arrive at his mansion— you weren't expecting the event to be a whole ass gala though it wasn't new to you.

then you realize it's jay, of course he would go extra.

you exit with the help of a butler but the entrance, the man giving you a smile and a look you knew all too well.

a look you've grown to be used to by now, since all your life you have always been beautiful and dolled up. of course the eyes of preying men are nothing new to you.

mummering a thanks along with a small smile you head inside after showing the invite at the entrance.

the parks had really gone all out, you recognized a few familiar faces from school and there were a bunch of older people who seemed to be into their conversations which you're assuming is about business.

after all, that's what the world you live in was all about.

"y/n!"

turning around to your name being called you see yizhou rushing towards you, waving excitedly.

prior to this, when you were painting, yizhou said sunghoon gave her an invite so she'd be arriving late and apologized for what seemed like the 100th time— you told her it was fine, just meet you by the main entrance.

"jay's gonna fall in love with you tonight." yizhou says the first thing as soon as she sees you.

"stop!" you whine, chuckling at her nonsense. maybe she meant you made a good choice picking out the puffed sleeve dress over the beige turtleneck one.

"if anything , that's how sunghoon is gonna react when he sees you." you say, checking her out which makes her whine.

"you stop!" she says, hitting your arm lightly as you both fall into laughter.

"so where's the birthday boy?" she asks, looking around the crowd but he's nowhere to be seen.

"maybe he's getting ready or something," you say, taking two glasses of sparkling water from the waitress that passed by.

"here," you say, handing one to yizhou as she thanks you.

you both continue catching up on a few things as you wait for anyone of sunghoon or jay to appear. unfortunately, sunghoon comes first and takes away yizhou from your respectfully.

from far you smile at your friend and her date for the night, they seemed to match each other so well.

"you came."

a smile makes its way to your lips even bigger when you hear the familiar voice from behind you.

"of course i did, idiot," you say, turning around to find jay with a grin as he looks at you.

"ouch, not on my birthday!" he says taking a hurt, with his hand on his heart.

"i'll give you a break from it, only today," you say, taking a sip from the drink.

honestly, you would be lying if you didn't think jay looked absolutely dashing tonight. his hair was slicked back, two strands falling from it was a plus point, it made him look stunning.

"you're dressed up so extra, park," you say, placing the glass on the tray of the waitress that passed by and then moving closer to adjust his bow tie.

"really, y/n?" he says, raising his eyebrow at you with a smirk. "just say you think i'm handsome, it's not that hard," he whispers into your ear when he leaned in, making sure you felt his breath against the shell of your ear.

"whatever floats your boat, park." you scoff playfully, pushing him away slightly.

"mmmm so you do agree that i look handsome, tonight?" he asks, bending down to your level so he meets your gaze directly.

it catches you off guard which makes you look somewhere else, avoiding his gaze. but the faint blush on your face gives it all away.

"i said whatever floats your boat, jay." you say again, and jay only laughs. when you’re about to talk back you both get interrupted by jay’s mother.

“oh my, y/n you look stunning tonight!” she says, approaching the both of you with her fluffy coat wrapped around her.

“thank you, mrs.park. you too, look absolutely beautiful tonight,” you say, thanking her and complimenting her back which makes her giggle and thank you as her face turns into a light shade of red.

jay clears his throat, indicating that he’s still right there, next you. his mom gives him a glare playfully which erupts the three of you into laughs.

“alright, i’ll leave my two ladies to talk and i’ll go talk to the rest of the guests.” jay says, giving you a small pat on your arm and then leaves with a small bow to his mom as a form of respect.

you watch as jay disappears into the crowd of guests with a small smile on your face while jay’s mother watches you in awe.

“i’m happy that jay has someone like you, dear” she says and you turn to look at her blanky, her statement was out of the blue.

mrs.park chrotle lightly when she sees you clueless expression.

“jay, he likes you.” she says, noticing a dim sparkle in your eyes at jay’s name and the sentence ‘he likes you. “i’ve noticed that for sometime now, even caught him all smiley whenever he’s on the phone with you.”

you remain silent, the warm feeling in you growing as his mother talks about her son.

“i’ve been in love once too y/n, i know the very familiar look you have when you look at my son. it goes the same for my son too, he looks at you like you’re his world.” she pauses, giving you a soft smile.

“i read a book recently, it’s called The Alchemist by Paula Coelho and well, there is a line where it says ‘when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream’.”

though that didn’t seem to be the case for you, you guess it might be for jay.

“i want my son to be happy, and i’d go out of my way to make sure he’s happy, even if it means giving up my entire wealth for him. nothing is greater for a parent than seeing their child happy,” she says, taking your hands in hers.

you were seriously trying not to break down like a fool in front of jay’s mom, but at times like this you wished this was something coming from you very own mother. unfortunately, you can only dream of it because wealth and fame is more important to her than her very own child.

“jay’s truly in love with you dear, and the love being extraordinary makes one rise. love doesn't makes one spoil their career, waste time or make them sad or bitter— it makes them more humane. when you are truly in love, you love everything, because you see your beloved in them.” mrs. park explains.

and you realize she’s right, you don't get astrayed from your friends and family, rather you cherish them more, because you realize the importance of sacrifices, love and relationships.

you become a more happy person and thus more competent.

being in love means you are brave enough to be vulnerable. you become brave enough to let someone peep in and trust them to touch your wounds; aware that if they wish they could destroy you. and there is nothing more beautiful than this; a humane laid bare open. nothing is more beautiful than to love and love without fear of hurt.

“home stopped being a place to him the moment jay met you, y/n.”

you look up, a tear sliding down your cheeks, truly touched by the mrs.park talks about her son and how it’s like being in love, and the fact she’s right makes you realize that all this while— you in fact, have been in love with park jongseong.

“in terms of feelings of course, jay still has a home to physically live in of course.” his mother says, and chuckles which makes you laugh as well.

“don’t cry dear, your tears are too precious, but think about it— love is a wonderful thing, with the right person.” mrs.park says, wiping your tears away and making sure your makeup isn’t smudged or anything.

“and you’re a lovely person, you’re more than compatible for my son— you’re already like a daughter to me y/n, you make jay a better person than he is, i’m sure i can trust you with my son.” she giggles and you nod with a smile.

“thank you mrs.park, i appreciate it— and you’re right, i do love your son more than anyone, even more sleep too.” you say making his mother laugh.

“then that’s a very big love you have for my son then.”

“yes, you're right mrs.park." you chuckle.

when you first fell for jay, you remember feeling like you were on cloud 9 every single moment you were with him. and the moment you weren't with him, you felt like you were missing a part of yourself.

falling in love was something you have always read in books or watched in films— never would you expect to experience the very same feeling in real life.

so when you did, you didn't think you could ever move on from this or from jay. and losing him again was something you didn't want to experience again despite all the hurt you went through.

maybe the phrase where they say 'love blinds you.' it's right.

"i'm sad that our conversation has to end here, dear but i have guests to attend." mrs.park says, and excuses herself.

"no worries, mrs.park. have a great night." you say, and watch her walk by you.

you feel your tear stained face starting to become sticky, and it was making you uncomfortable so you look around his house for a restroom.

you try to find jay but you don't see him anywhere near, so you just walk around trying to find a restroom in the gigantic mansion.

taking the stairs, you realize jay's bathroom is probably vacant so you head to his room.

around the corner, just as you're about to walk in, a person steps out of it.

and your heart falls to the pit of your stomach.

you were getting déjà vu from how familiar this scene looked. the wicked smile on her face grew when she saw your expression.

you blinked, trying to not jump into any conclusion. you weren't dating him so it shouldn't bother you… right?

"oh, y/n.. i didn't know you came,"

closing your eyes, you tried to calm down as your nails pressed into the skin of your palm, so hard that you think your skin could start bleeding.

"i, yeah i did." you say, looking back up at rina who was trying so hard to hold back her smirk.

"you should have fun then, it's gonna be a long night ahead— every party jay holds is worth staying up for and getting waste—"

"is jay in there?" you ask, cutting her off not wanting to hear any more nonsense she was spewing.

"uhm.." rina trails off and it makes you want to throw up as you grow nauseous.

suddenly everything mrs.park was telling you earlier seemed like white lies to you, and everything you felt up until now for him just crumbled.

the trust, the feelings, and everything you did with jay just turned into nothing.

crazy how one incident can just flip everything around to square one.

you felt like every time you took one step forward, you were actually taking three steps back.

"why are you coming out of his room?" you ask, knowing damn well you had no right to do so, but the curiosity was killing you.

and again you told yourself, to not assume anything just yet.

he can't be making the same mistake again, you can't lose him again. for god's fucking sake, you just can't bear to do it all again.

the endless nights you stayed up crying, the pain in your chest that took so many months to heal, the wound that he made was tearing apart all again.

fuck, you were going to experience what you couldn't bear and didn't want to experience again.

"nothing that concerns you y/n." she says, chuckling in order to cover up the venom in her voice as she fixes her hair, and puts back the fallen strap of her dress up her shoulder again and wiping the smudged lipstick on her lips

you don't say anything, you just decided to leave before the patience in you runs out and you start crying Infront of her like a loser.

and you could've done it all, if it wasn't for rina running her ruthless mouth again.

"not like it concerned a bitch like you anyway."

you know she damn well didn't mutter it under her breath so loud for you not to hear. the vicious smile on her face when you turned on your heels and walked back to her.

"what the fuck did you just call me?" you ask, staring at her in disbelief.

"oh my, y/n y/l/n did you just cuss? the little princess of—"

"i didn't ask you for that, did you even hear me? i asked you what the fuck did you just call me?"

rina stares at you with anger for calling her deaf and literally cussing at her.

"i called you a bitch." she says, taking a step closer to you. "a whore for taking my man away, a slut and hooker for fucking around with him a—"

whipping your hand at her face, you slapped her with so much anger. you think this is the first time you have ever let go of your cool and even slapped someone.

but rina deserved it.

"who the fuck are you to call me such things?" you scoff, staring at rina who was too shocked to react as her hand gripped onto her cheek that probably had a bruise.

"are you kidd—"

"shut the fuck up rina. seriously, shut the fuck up. i didn't steal your man first of all, i wasn't the one who begged on my knees for him. he chose me, if that isn't getting into that thick head of yours." you grunt.

"calling me all that shit just crossed the line. if anyone is any of those here, IT'S YOU." you say, pushing your index finger into her shoulder.

rina scoffs, holding your finger before you could push her again.

"if he chose you i don't think he would be kissing me on the date you were supposed to go on and if he chose you— i don't think he'd be fucking my brains out on the same ground you have stepped on."

you really hated to admit it, but rina was right. it wasn't even them anymore, it was on you for believing him again.

"see? you're just as stupid as i thought. being book smart isn't enough y/n, if you're stupid enough to believe jay again, you're just an idiot."

you stand there, with your arms by your side too stunned to say anything. you're convinced it's totally your fault now.

"you're so gullible y/n, who wouldn't want to take advantage of a girl like you then?" rina's words just kept on ringing in your head now.

"if you even whore around, or smoke, drink or even do d—"

"shut your mouth rina. that's enough." you sigh, but rina being Infront of you and talking so cheap of you like that was just making your blood boil.

"girl, i don't think you have any right to say that if you lured my man and fu—"

you've had enough, rage fills you as you grab her by the arm and slam her onto the wall next to you.

"say one more thing, i will fucking kill you rina. i'm not kidding, don't test me, i'm seeing red right now."

rina is no easy girl however, she's a bitch. and the bitch pushes you off, and tries to raise her hand at you.

but too late, she's stopped by a shriek from the hallway.

"what the fuck is going on?" a shocked jake rushes over to the both of you, pushing rina away from you.

"why are you defending her jake? i'm the victim here! look at my cheek, she slapped me!" rina whines when jake holds you in his arms.

"cut it the bullshit, rina."

rina scoffs, of course he'd say that. he walked in when she was about to hit you, had he walked in when you slammed her to the wall, it would be a different case.

"fuck you, i'm not letting this get away." she says, taking her phone out of nowhere, you didn't notice she had a bag but it didn't matter anyway.

your mind is clouded by the boy that just broke your heart, again.

rina dials the emergency number, waiting for a cop to pick up.

"hello, i got assaulted—"

"you're an fucking idiot rina, you can't be serious." jake grunts, yanking her phone away and dropping it to the ground then stepping on it.

"what the fuck are you doing!"

"what i'm doing isn't the problem here, the problem is you creating a mess here. " jake says, almost yelling at her but he doesn't do so.

"no i'm not—"

"i'm leaving." you say, taking jake's arm off you and try not to fall to your knees from how bad you wanted to and cry your heart out.

"what? y/n?" jake rushes after you, trying to help you but you push him off.

"i— i just need some time alone, i don't want to be around her, i just don't want to be around anyone." you explain, too drained to even give him a smile like you usually would.

you weren't even in the state to give a fake smile, that's how bad it is.

"do you want me to get jay?" jake's question makes you want to to throw up.

"no— just. i want to leave jake."

"are you sure? i can't drop you off if you want." jake offers but you shake your head, refusing and then walk away without giving jake a chance to respond.

from a distance you hear jake and rina continue arguing as you walk down the stairs. you avoid the stares from a few guests at how you're literally wobbling as you walk down the stairs.

finding your way to the exit as tears start to prick at your eyes, you hold it back with so much force.

mrs.park watches you from afar, worry growing in her as she speaks to a v.i.p.

just as the timing's right, she sees her son coming her way, she excuses herself from the guest and heads to her son with worry.

"jongseong." she calls and jay looks at her, worriedly.

"mom is everything okay? why are you—"

"y/n," jay's heart drops to the pit of her stomach at your name leaving his worried mother's mouth.

"y/n?! what happened to her? where is she? is she okay?" jay erupts in questions and nauseousness at the mere thought of you being hurt.

"i think something happened, she just left— it didn't look good." his mother explains and before she could say anything else, jay runs past her to get you.

it all happens so fast, you try to calm down from the painful pulsing in your head as you try to catch air.

you had somehow dialed for a cab, without passing out and that's an achievement. now you're just waiting for the cab to arrive without passing out, outside of jay's home.

when you see the light of the cab that you assume, from afar, you try to get up from the gate you were leaning on.

"y/n!"

his voice calls you name from a distance, the one you wanted to never ever see again— especially now, you'd just break down the moment you see him.

"y/n, fuck are you okay?" jay holds you back, twirling you around as he tries to catch his breath.

you try to not say anything and just yank your arm away and back away from him.

"y/n…" he calls after you again, his voice trailing off and it just breaks your heart.

the tears you hold back finally are let go, you reached your limit. tears start streaming down your face and you clasp your hand to your mouth as you cry.

jay's heart drops to the pit of his stomach and he feels like his world is falling apart at the sight of you crying.

"y/n, please don't cry—"

"don't— p-please don't say anything." you sob and swallow the thickness in your throat before you speak up again.

"i don't want to see you. anymore." you say, taking deep breaths as you sob, trying so hard to really not fall to the ground from how weak you felt.

"y/n let's talk it out okay? are you hurt anywhere? let's go back inside, you're gonna catch a co—"

"jay please. please. i can't do this anymore.. i really can't," you plead, your shoulder shakes as you look at him with glossy eyes and fresh tear stained cheeks— tears continuously sliding down as you close your eyes.

"it hurts too much, i feel like my heart is being shredded into pieces— each piece of it hurts so bad, so so bad jay." you say, pausing once in a while to catch breaths.

"a-and i feel so fucking stupid, so so stupid for ever be so gullible to trust you again. for even falling for you, i feel like an idiot, it feels like i brought this upon myself." you pause, wiping away your tears but it just flows even more.

"you're saying i'm the one, it's your actions that speak louder." you sigh.

there's unyielding pressure that crawled up your throat, and it took twice as much effort to get your words out for the next line.

"jay, i love you. i really do." you confess. what a shitty timing to do so and you cry even more when you see jay's eyes pooling with water and the hurt flashed on his face.

it's as if he wasn't even the cause of this.

"but i can't keep on hurting myself by trusting you again and again that you've changed. that i'm finally the one that you chose and not her. that at the end of the day, it's me that you want…" you say and look away from jay's crying in silence while he lets you speak— you might just run into his arms and forgive him all over again.

but you can't do that, not to yourself.

the long awaited cab finally came and stopped, it felt like forever.

"let's end it here, for my— for our sake jay. let's not try again and hurt ourselves. as much as i love you, this is the best for us." you say, and just give jay one last look before getting into the cab.

jay doesn't do anything, he doesn't try to stop you or anything— he's too stunned to do anything. he just watched you leave in the cab, his heart breaking into pieces and you leaving his life too.

in the cab, you request for the driver to close the partition before you slump into the seat and cry, cry and cry in a deafening silence, with the distant sound of your heart breaking.

jay wipes his tears away before walking back to his house that felt empty despite it being filled with a wave of guests.

he just wants to break down in his room and cry his eyes out till he reaches his limit.

he couldn't fucking believe he lost you, again. after he swore he couldn't lose you anymore.

he ignores his mother calling after him, he didn't want to speak to anyone for now. taking the stairs it felt like forever, when he reached the top of it he sees jake arguing with rina.

confusion fills jay until something rang in his head. something you had said just now.

"that i'm finally the one that you chose and not her. that at the end of the day, it's me that you want…"

his blood begins to boil as jay is filled with rage. rina did something, again. she fucked it up again.

"dude did you see y/n j—" jake says as soon as he spots his friend but stops speaking midway when he sees jay approaching rina in rage.

"babe! oh my g—"

the slap was way too loud and jake was staring in complete shock at jay slapping rina.

fuck, he's lost it for good this time he thinks.

before jake could do anything, jay grips onto rina's arm forcefully and drags her into his room, slamming the door loudly.

pushing rina to the center of his room, he practically rips his blazer off and running his hand through his hair

"j-jay?" rina's voice quivers in shock and fear at jay slapping her out of nowhere, as she grips her face.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP RINA!" jay yell echoes through her room making rina shake in fear.

"i've never been this tempted to kill someone before rina," he says, glaring at her with his eyes bloodshot from crying, and he wanted to cry even more at how he was yelling at rina in his room instead of getting to comfort you in his room.

"babe, please calm down." rina says, approaching jay but he backs away.

"stay away or i don't even know what i'll do to you." he warns, keeping a large distance between them.

he takes a seat on the edge of his bed while rina stands at the corner of his room, tears flowing down her face.

"i don't understand why you keep on fucking it up for me and y/n, rina." jay says, his voice almost breaking from holding back the urge to cry.

"jay i love you, and i want you," rina cries, gripping her hair as she sobs. "you're mine to begin with i can't let her take you away from me! you're mine!"

"i'm not a fucking object rina! get that in your head, please," jay yells, a tear slipping away from his eye when he shuts it close.

"fucking chose me jay, you chose me from the start. i was the one who you need at the end of the day, i'm the one you always come back to, i'm the one you love… when she breaks your heart, you come back to me." she cries, and falls to the floor as she sobs, staring at the boy she loved in a distance.

"just me, let me be the one. please just choose me, you always did.." she pauses to wipe her tears, as she gets on her knees and begs jay.

"chose me for once and for all…. please.."

rina closes her eyes, praying so bad jay would say something and she could have him. she prays to hear jay saying he chooses her and that you're nothing but a mere phase to him.

jay's couldn't bear this, he just cried silently into his hands propped up on his knees.

when rina doesn't hear anything back, despite her pleas and prayers— she falls back, hand clasped to her mouth as she cries.

"jay.. please…." she pleads once more, hoping for the last time but jay shakes his head when he pulls away from his hand.

he looks like shit, but rina doesn't mind she still fucking loves him.

"i can't tell you something that means nothing rina, i can't give you false hope." he says although his voice breaks.

swallowing the thickness in his throat, he speaks up again.

"i can't tell you i love you when my love belongs to someone else, i can't choose you rina."

rina continues to sob even harder this time when she tries to deny the reality. she cries because the reality of jay not loving her hurts her even more than the slap he gave earlier.

"y/n.. i loved her since forever, i still love her and i will continue to love her— even if the world ends, she'll be the only one that i love." jay says between his cries, with his hand clutching his white shirt.

"this isn't the first time you fucked it up for me and y/n, rina. guilt plagues me i feel like dying knowing that i broke her heart— every single tear that dropped from her eyes because of me makes me want to die."

"i love her so much i want her to be safe and sound from anything that could hurt her, which is why i just can't give up on her." jay says, wanting this nightmare to end, and when he wakes up he hopes none of this ever happened.

and he wishes rina was never in your lives to begin with.

"that's why i can't tell you i love you, because i love her and it's so fucking painful to be with anyone which isn't her."

rina remains silent, listening to jay's sappy, stupid confession about you when deep down she wishes it her that he was talking about.

"i'm sorry for hurting you and leading you on if that's what you feel about me. i can't love you back, rina. please let this be the final time you fuck everything up, even if it's not for y/n, at least for me." jay says, almost like a plea.

"i can't even say i can't lose her anymore cause i've already lost her, and every second that goes by without her i feel like my life is nothing and empty." he pauses.

"i hope you find someone who loves you genuinely, not someone like me. find someone who'll make you their first choice. i want you to be happy and not cry in a guy's room like this with your heart broken."

jay feels so sorry for rina that she has to go to this extent to get someone to love her back, despite all the evil she's done, at the end of the day she deserves happiness and love.

when the room goes silent again, rina's cries have finally stopped. she gets up, trying to not fall over and wipes her face.

jay opens his mouth to say something but rina beats her to it.

"i'm sorry." she says, and leaves his room without leaving jay with a chance to speak. jay's doesn't run after her, nor does he tries to do anything either.

he just sits there in complete silence, staring at the vacant spot on his bed where you used to lay on and then he looks out the window before he hurts into tears again.

the night seemed to be long indeed,

THE DRIVE CAME TO AN END when the cab halted in front of your mansion. you paid the driver and got off after it.

honestly, you don't know how to answer your parents when you're gonna walk in with a mascara stained face and bloodshot eyes.

a broken heart and drained out energy by the end of this night was not what you had planned for.

guess the universe works like shit, whatever mrs.park said about the universe earlier? yeah that clearly didn't apply for you.

but you had no energy for a argument with your mother so you just gave no fucks and headed in.

on a second thought, it was a bad idea.

because at the sight of your mother sitting with your father in the living room and the thick tension in the air— it wasn't giving you a very good feeling.

the door closing behind you catches your parent's attention, and the glare your mother gave you, it meant no good.

"how was his birthday party, y/n?" your mother asks, standing up from the couch.

"it was o—" you stop mid sentence, and your eyes widened. you remember telling her it was a school event, how did she know it was a birthday party.

his birthday party too.

your mother scoffs at your realization.

"you aren’t very slick, y/n."

you heart drops not for the first time tonight, but it gives you the chills.

"mom i—"

"shut it y/n. seriously what were you thinking?" she asks, crossing her arms as she approaches you.

your dad stares at you in disappointment which doesn't make you feel any better.

"lying to me? where did you even have the guts to do that? messing around with a boy? what happened to having boundaries? i don't even want to guess if you're in love, y/n!" she yells and it echoes through the eerie house.

"god's sake, what the hell even happened to you? when did you get to this level of stupidity!"

"mom hear me out f—" you sigh, pleading with her to listen, but of course, she doesn't.

"i'm not hearing your bullshit out! not when you have been lying around and messing around with a fucking boy! god knows what the hell you've been doing with him?" she exclaims with so much anger and shock, her eyes literally plunged out as she stares at you.

"and what is this y/n? i can't believe my eyes, i can't believe i have been blind to all your lies all these while." she says and pulls you by your arm to the glass table in the living room.

you heart drops when you see the wrapped gift for jay that you had left in your room, jay's leather jacket and boxes of cigarettes along with your lighters on the table.

"mom i—" you speak up, turning to look at her, desperate to explain yourself.

"y/n i can't believe you at all, you're out of it! that boy's jacket in your room? this fucking thing— im pretty sure it's something about him too," your mom scoffs again. "and fucking cigarettes?! oh my goodness."

you open your mouth to speak again but your mom cuts you to it.

"he made you do it, right?" she asks, anger in her voice. "he influenced you into it, right?"

you hold back the urge to roll your eyes at her, you've had enough. it was going overboard.

"he didn't." you scoff and it makes your mom even more furious.

"you're talking back now?" she yells, disbelief at her daughter rebelling— something she never would have expected to ever happen.

"i'm not! i'm telling you it's all on me, it was never his fault. he has never influenced me into doing anything." you deadpanned.

your mom laughs in disbelief once again, and then glares at you.

"you're telling me all of that? is your own habits? you fucking smoke?! are fucking you kidding me?" she screams, even more furious and you just want the ground to swallow you.

as much as you wanted to deny it, you just nod. she was bound to find out anyway, you didn't find a reason to lie to her again.

your mom sighs, and looks away trying to calm down so that she doesn't go batshit insane at her daughter giving her a check of reality.

messed up and fucked behind all that perfect good girl facade.

"did you even know that, he's the son of our rivals?" she asks and you pause.

is that why the parks sounded so familiar but you didn't press on it— you just looked at your mom blankly.

it didn't matter anymore, you both had already ended even before you could begin.

"you knew?! she shrieks and you shake your head.

"no, i didn't." you say and then take a deep breath when tears prickle around your eyes again. "but you guys do business all you want— it has nothing to do with us."

that's all it took for your mom to slap you across the face. you hold your cheek and stumble backwards, unexpected of her slapping you.

it was about to happen at one point anyway.

your dad holds her back, calming her down. and you just stood there like an idiot, like the outcast you had always been.

you wouldn't be surprised if you found that you aren't even their biological child at this point.

"nothing to do with you both? business is everything y/n. for people like us, business is everything and will be everything, from family ties to even the prestige you hold up, every damn thing is business!" she screams and takes the painting and throws it to the ground.

you bite your lip, holding back the urge to cry gosh, today really is the worst day you have ever come across in your entire life.

the canvas probably broke at how hard she threw it onto the ground.

you walked towards it, and bent down and tried to pick it up.

your mom watches you in absolute disgust and anger, totally stunned how you're acting right now— it felt like you disobeyed her.

"y-you— god." she takes a deep breath and sighs.

when you embrace the wrapped canvas, you close your eyes and tears pour as your hair closes around you like a curtain.

you sob silently while your parents stood there watching their daughter slip away, choosing a boy over them.

a boy she loved so dearly and is willing to stand up for despite already losing him.

"get out."

you're not surprised but your heart falls to the pit of your stomach for you don't how many times tonight.

your story perhaps didn't have a good ending after all, and it made you pray for the universe to put an end to your suffering.

you just didn't know how much more you can take anymore.

"i said get the fuck out." your mom yells for the final time, and you don't bother arguing. you get up from the floor, and walk out of the mansion.

mr.ha watches you from a distance and he feels tremendously horrible for you.

when you step out of the mansion, you try not to just fall to your knees and hope you pass out and never wake up ever again.

so this is what being kicked out feels like.

it feels like shit.

you feel like shit and you're homeless now, what a great combination.

crazy how from a few hours ago you were laughing your heart out and you're left with nothing and wanting to cry your heart out.

you need comfort at a time like this, and having no one— it was horrible.

YOU'RE PATHETIC and if there's a competition for being the most pathetic person in the entire world, you're pretty sure you'd win the first prize for it.

you were dying out of embarrassment as you sat on the same bed where the person you absolutely didn't want to see tonight sat at.

both of you at the edge of the bed, in silence.

you bite your lip, wondering what to say to break the awkward silence as you gripped onto the hem of your dress that seemed to be the only thing that had been with you throughout the entire rollercoaster ride for the night.

"y/n."

shit. you felt shameless to even look at him in the face. instead of choosing to contemplate whether you should or not, you just decided to face him anyway.

there was no dignity left.

guilt plagued you when you look at jay and he looks at you, sadly, with his bloodshot eyes and raspy voice like he just cried all night.

and how did you get here? right so after being kicked out and being homeless you think you actually lost your mind for real.

the first thing you did was dial jay, you didn't expect him to answer but you were glad he did.

you just cried and asked him if he could pick you up and jay said yes and ended the call.

when he picked you up, neither of you said anything, you didn't look at him and you're assuming he didn't either.

it was so awkward and got even more awkward when you're both sitting in silence for the past one hour without saying anything.

not even a single cough was heard.

"are you hurt anywhere?" he asks, looking over your body for any cuts or anything. your safety was his priority at the moment.

"no." you answer, for the first time you speak after not saying anything. "i don't think so."

you both go back to being silent after a while until you speak up.

"it's funny how, the only person i didn't want to see tonight—" you pause, and then look at him again. "is the only person i can think of when i need to seek comfort."

you laugh dryly, it's forced jay can tell. he can tell how tired and how hurt you are from the look you are giving him.

he sees right through you, and he wants to heal it— comfort you.

when he got your call earlier, he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him until he snapped out of it.

and when he heard you crying into the call, he stopped whatever mourning he was doing and went to you straight away.

he didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything so he didn't say anything nor did he do anything when he got you and brought you here.

jay really thought he had lost you, that he would never ever see you again.

"i got kicked out."

he looks at you with pity but he doesn't say anything because he wants you to let everything out no matter how long it was going to take.

he's willing to sit down here, and listen to it all.

"tonight feels like a nightmare i can't ever wake up from. it's so brutal i wish— i wish i was dead."

"y/n…."

you give him a 'don't worry' look and then continue on with your rant, as you look out his window into the dark, starry night.

"everything is ruined, i have nothing left. i thought i'd be happy if i had nothing to worry about and just nothing left—" you turn to look at him.

"but i feel like shit and worthless." your vision gets blurry at your own words. how there's no going back anymore, cause the damage is done.

and there is nothing you can do anymore.

"y/n please don't cry." jay pleads, moving closer to you in an attempt to comfort you and you don't stop him, you let him engulf you into a hug.

you cry in his arms, it feels like a bed that makes you feel warm in a cold night after a long day. his arms— they feel like home.

you cry for a few minutes and you feel empty, and not much of a pathetic loser anymore.

until you feel like nothing anymore.

you pull away, wiping your face. now your face and your hands are sticky, but you don't care.

"do you have a cig? i really need one after all this." you ask and jay nods, he doesn't ask anything further.

jay gets up and goes to his drawer to get his box of cigarettes and his zippo lighter.

the zippo lighter that started it all.

sitting back down, jay gives you a cigarette and takes one for himself from the box. the places the cigarette on his lips then lit it up and take a huge blow from it.

exhaling it, the smoke fills up the room.

ah, the smell of nicotine. you hadn't smelled it for a long time now.

he hands you the lighter and you take it. you place your cigarette between your lips and light it up.

but it doesn't work, you try again and it doesn't work again.

everything seemed to be going south for you, it made you chuckle in pain.

jay takes the lighter away from you, throwing it somewhere across the room and pulls you in by your neck, connecting the ends of your cigarette together— lighting your own cigarette up.

if you weren't so fucked up, you would've fainted at how hot that was.

pulling away, you take a huff and then blow out the smoke. jay then puts an ashtray between you both in the middle, tapping the excess off his cigar.

the silence was killing you for once, and you decided to say something to break it.

"uh, thanks." you say, exhaling the smoke that you took a blow of. "for the cigar and for picking me up."

jay doesn't say anything, he just nods.

"i need to tell you something." he says and puts the cigarette butt into the ashtray. you take a final blow and throw the rest into the ashtray.

"it's overdue, we're done but i still feel like you deserve to know. and i want to clear it up." he says, shifting so he's facing you.

but you don't face him yet.

"i finally called things off with you know.. although we had nothing to begin with or whatever bu—"

jay stops when you chuckle dryly.

"it's about her again, always about her." you say, a tight lipped smile sealed it off.

"y/n—"

"jay," you say, and turn to him. "tell me you hate her. tell me you hate rina." her name leaving your mouth sounded like it was such a forbidden word.

jay looks at you with an unexplainable look which makes you smile in defeat.

you knew it.

"right, why did i ever think you were gonna say it— i feel like an idiot. what even made me think it was a good idea." you scoff at yourself, feeling stupid.

"ah, tonight just made me fucking insane—"

"i hate her." jay cuts you off, and when you turn to look at him, you feel like the small hope in your heart comes alive again.

"i fucking hate her— i hate her so much for ruining everything for us, for ruining every single fuckin' chance i could've gotten with you, y/n." he spews as he locks his gaze with you

you felt like you couldn't believe it, but what hooked you was the sincerity in his voice, assuring you that he's telling the truth.

"on the day we were supposed to go on a date, the way you saw me kissing rina— you got it all wrong." jay explains the whole thing, from the start of your downfall with him and till what happened when you weren't here earlier.

by the end of it, you felt a hundred times more fucking stupid than you had from the very start.

you felt stupid for thinking all this while he screwed you over, for thinking that he ditched you for rina on the date, for assuming that you were just a rebound, for ever doubting his love for you— everything. for everything.

you stood up and walked over to his window, standing there for a minute in silence and then crying.

you felt bad, genuinely as the guilt took over you from being such an asshole.

you hear jay walk over to you from behind, and give you a hug from the back.

"i'm so selfish, oh god." you cry, clutching onto your chest as you do so.

if your eyes had a mouth and had the ability to speak it would beg you for a break from crying, that it was so so fucking exhausted.

"it's fine y/n, you didn't know." jay assures as he turns you around and bends down to your level.

"and don't cry anymore, it's breaking my heart to see you shed tears."

you cry even more at him being so sappy. you pull him into a hug, sobbing into the crook of his neck as he wraps his arms around your waist.

"i'm sorry, i'm so, so— sorry for everything."

jay rubs you back, calming you down as you cry. when you finally had calmed down, jay asked you to take a shower and sleep first— you can worry about everything the next morning, he assured you.

you listen to him, and take a shower then change into his shirt which he gave you. he told you to sleep first but you insisted that he should shower too, both of you had an awful day.

then he helped you into his bed, tucking you in. jay says goodnight but you stop him.

"where are you going?" you ask, holding his hand.

"i'll sleep in the guest room." he says, looking at you confused.

"sleep here. with me." you tell him and jay doesn't argue further, he just turns off the light and slides in next to you.

he keeps a safe distance between you both in case you might feel uncomfortable, it gives him déjà vu of the night he slept over at yours.

you notice the gap, and move in closer to him. it was much warmer, and it felt comfortable, it felt safe.

jay wraps his arms around your body as you both nuzzle into each other, cuddling.

in the stillness of night where one can hear a pin drop, you both lay awake, unable to sleep yet despite the tiredness.

"jay." you speak up, calling his name.

jay hums in return, his fingers combing through your hair while you both listen to each other's breathing.

"i meant it when i said i'm sorry." you say and feel jay's movement come to a halt.

"y/n i told you it's alright, don't think about it anymore and stress yourself out."

"i know… but—"

"no but's y/n, keep that topic out of your mind." he says, and kisses the crown of your head in assurance.

you hum and fall into a silence.

"y/n?" jay calls your name and you hum in response.

"i haven't told you yet but i love you."

the three words leaving his mouth sounded like pure magic when it made your heart flip in excitement and your lips grow into a smile.

"i love you— more." you reply and feel jay's chest vibrate when he chuckles.

"can't be anymore than how much i love you."

"that's a lie, my love is bigger for you than yours is for me." you argue back and stifle a laugh.

"that's great then, i won't have to worry about you falling out of love for me then right?" he asks, and you giggle.

"yes that means you're stuck with me forever."

"gladly, babe."

you smile and you both fall into a silence again.

"y/n?" you hum as a response.

"aren't you going to get mad?" jay asks and you ask why in confusion.

"because i called you babe."

"not anymore, call me whatever that rolls off your tongue better than my name." you reply, smiling although he can't see you in the darkness. "not anything bad, of course."

jay laughs and pats your head softly.

"sure, love."

and you both fall into silence again.

"jay." you call him out, and then laugh at how it might just never end.

"yes, baby." he replies, the pet name making your stomach do flips and butterflies erupting in the pit of it.

"why were you shirtless the morning we woke up in my bed the other day?"

"oh you gave me a blowjob the night before."

"WHAT!" you gasp loudly and jay shushes you for being loud. you apologize then you stare at him in shock.

"i'm kidding," jay laughs, making you scoff and hit him on the arm.

"why were you shirtless, park? don't lie to me again." you ask, again.

"it was hot, i just took it off since i felt uneasy, nothing else happened— i didn't do anything to you, don't worry."

you hum, shaking your head. "i know you wouldn't do anything…"

"why are you asking? you want to see him shirtless again or something?"

"what! no!" you shriek, hiding your face into his chest from embarrassment as jay laughs at you.

you both finally fell asleep when sleep took over with you both in each other's arms.

and you finally, for the first time that night (after it felt like forever) you smiled, genuinely as you fell into deep slumber.

YEARS HAVE GONE BY from the night you got kicked out and your life flipped over. the nightmare finally ended when you graduated from school.

your relationship with your parents was hurried, you hadn't bothered to reconcile with them as they didn't reach out to you either after making you homeless.

you graduated and got into a prestigious law school thankfully with your excellent grades and good curriculum marks.

you're now finishing your bachelor degree of law and in adulthood, it was stressful here and there but you're glad at least you're not caught up in the mess you were assigned to be in— the y/l/n's business.

you have long forgotten about it, sometimes getting reminded of it and stuff but not once did you miss that hell hole.

yizhou, you haven't spoken to her ever since you both graduated and cried for hours together because the chances of not keeping in touch was very high.

but sunghoon still dating her and being friends with jay was sort of like a barrier that kept you both in touch however, all good things must come to an end— they both broke up and you automatically lost contact with yizhou.

you hope she's doing well, and successful in her own life.

and jay, after graduating as promised jay took you out on a date, and asked you out. you're both already in years of dating, and jay has been thinking of proposing to you for awhile now.

he said he's thinking of a my little pony inspired wedding if you're still interested in my little pony. the memory of the day you both met as kids still seemed to be a fresh memory like it was just yesterday.

but he's waiting for you to pass your bar exam so everything goes well, he doesn't want to burden you or stress you out.

you still remember when jay told his parents about your situation and how gladly the parks took you in, not caring about what sort of rivalry they had with your parents.

you promised to pay them back for taking you in and everything but they refused, saying that as long as you and jay are both happy— it's enough for them.

and for once, you're pretty glad jay was the one that had found you smoking at the back of the building, and that he chose to win you back, and importantly—

you're glad that you agreed to his stupid idea of tutoring him.

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