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fariest · 20 days

Text

till forever falls apart 𑁍ࠬܓ jake sim

pairing: widower!jake x fem!reader

genre: LOTS of angst like a lot, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort/no comfort, some fluff here and there, coming of age, bittersweet ending.

word count: 8k words (or more..)

synopsis: jake came unto your life when you needed it the most. you didn’t expect it but he did and it all did happen on that one specific bench behind the beach you both grew up on, that one summer night. jake just had no idea you would slip through his fingers the way you did. and not that fast either.

warnings: character death, grief & loss, jake is a widower and has a daughter, unknown illness, mature language & cursing, low self worth, depression, mental break downs, fighting, marriage, mentions of seizures, hospitality, medication, just a lot of sad shit i’m so sorry in advanced.

a/n: here it is. mind you i wrote this with a heavy heart and a lot of thoughts in mind ( ; ω ; ) but either way i hope you all like this as much as i liked writing it. this is not proofread by the way, i apologize.

Jake’s feet were practically dragging. Everyone would probably have noticed that but in that moment, his biggest wish would probably be to erase everyone’s existence. He’s been living in his own shadow for felt like years. The only one he’s been vividly making eye contact with was his daughter and the florist he’s been going to for the past few months. Yet it felt for much longer. After all he was counting the days. With a heavy heart that was once filled to the brim with happiness and all the things he’s ever wanted.

The florist, a lady in her late fifties, always welcomed Jake with open arms and it was gestures like that, that made him feel smaller than ever. He wanted to return it, he really did but all he could do, was request the bouquet of flower he was in search for, with an even heavier heart. And if the words weren’t enough, he would point to that one specific section where they were kept. It usually didn’t take long since he memorized it.

Your favorite ones.

Peonies.

His mom called him before he left to buy those flowers. He was surprised with how different she sounded compared to him, or maybe it was because he was starting to forget how everyone sounded, especially those the closest to him. After all he was completely wrapped up in his own arms that felt far too empty and cold to the touch that he couldn’t help but let it happen. With his phone pressed to his ear, he let his mom do the talking while he was busy staring at nothing. More like the place where you used to sleep beside him and him basking in the comfort of your soft snores. You felt so close, so warm. You provided the warm that was missing and now he had to bask unto nothing but coldness. A lit up candle couldn’t even mend the wounds together. He had no idea how long he stayed on the phone with his mom for but at some point he could hear her sniffle and being in the state he was, he couldn’t ask her what was wrong. He was barely doing better himself.

And the call ended with him saying nothing and her saying it wasn’t his fault. The exact same thing she said the last time he saw her those many months ago.

He was debating whether to go check in on his daughter, knowing she would question the state he was. It wad the witty and her ability to be attentive and Jake knew she got that from you. He saw you right through her.

These were one of the days where he was far too deep unto the dark corners of his mindset where he didn’t bother with himself and how hard he was on himself. Jake almost breathed a sigh in relief when he saw his daughter still passed out in her bed, white sheets pulled up to her chin and tightly wrapped around her, the cloud lamp that you gifted to her on her fourth birthday, perfectly dimmed and casting a mellow glow over the roundness of her cheeks. Down on the floor, was Layla sleeping, with her resting on her front paws. The dog he got when he was ten, the one you raised with him.

This was one of the moments where Jake allowed himself to smile, a small smile without feeling bad for doing so.

Jake shook his head when he heard a voice briefly pull him out of his thoughts. His visions cleared and he saw the florist give him a sympathetic smile, probably sensing something, the grey hair framing her face in a way that matched her soft yet gentle features.

“Are you okay, young man?”

Jake was a bit taken aback but settled for a nod before eyeing the bouquet that the lady has managed to wrap up with obvious care.

It was like she saw right through him.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone.” She sadly smiled.

“These flowers,” She gestured to the Peonies, “They are for someone.. someone special, aren’t they?”

Gulping, Jake averted his eyes but still nodded.

“She was my everything,” He slowly forced out and he saw the lady perk up, “My childhood sweetheart, my best friend, my wife. And the mother to our daughter.”

“She was also basically everything I wasn’t yet she still made sure to remind me that she would love me no matter what. Her grip on my hand was tight until it wasn’t but even so, I knew she wouldn’t let go no matter what,” Jake swallowed back his urge to cry, but talking about her tugged at the strings holding him together. And he felt like the lady sensed that before she settled a old wrinkly hand on his shoulder.

The tears were already rolling down by then. Tears he’s been holding in all those months ever since.

“She sounded lovely,” Patting his shoulder, she continued, “I know she would’ve been proud of you especially for still being here, somewhere on the ground where she can look at you from afar,”

“I miss her, ma’am.” Looking up with bloodshot eyes, the lady offered another sympathetic smile, before handling him a tissue.

“I know, child.” She nodded, “I’m not saying you will overcome this grief soon or frankly ever. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. When you think about her, please do not always think about the negatives that comes along with it, think about the fact that out of everyone, you were the one she chose. Think about how she chose to love you even with all your flaws and how none of those things would ever change the way she saw you.”

Jake remembered the day. Clear and bright under the moonlight. He was eleven, fairly tall for his height with black strands that always fell over his eyes with how the wind always loved to mess with it. Everyone said that he had that soft look yet gentle demeanor look from his mom, he’s heard it so much to the point where he started believing them. After all his mom was a phenomenal woman.

Ever since dad walked out on both of them, mom has tried her hardest to raise him by herself despite her being young still. She was still in her youth and it was a sad sight to not see her do all the things people her age did. Travel the world, figure out themselves and planning their future without anyone standing in their way of doing so. Jake’s biggest fear was being in her way specifically, being a burden but the warmth from her embrace managed to tell him everything he needed to know. And so he tried his best to help her despite not knowing half of the things he did but he didn’t want his mom to cry anymore. He didn’t want her to downgrade herself and blame herself for things that were out of her control. He wanted her to go to bed with a gentle mindset and now all of the things that used to eat her up.

His mom went to sleep early that night and Jake promised himself that he would prep himself his own dinner and cut up some fruit for his mom since he knew she loved those, and then take out the trash.

Opening the gates, he dragged the plastic bag behind him before dumping it in the big green trash container. The summer nights were getting warmer and times like this reminded Jake off how much he loved it. Giving a toothy grin, he whipped his two hands on the front of his shorts before turning back to head inside, but not before casting a look over his shoulder.

There he saw someone. A few feet away from him.

At first, Jake had no idea what they were doing before walking closer. They were just. Sitting on the bench, in front of the beach. How odd.

“If you’re gonna stare, can you at least be less.. obvious with it?” The person asked, almost nonchalantly.

It was a girl.

Jake didn’t respond, fear of embarrassing himself further so he settled for walking closer to her before taking a seat beside her. So this was what she was doing, just looking at the waves. This late at night?

The young boy scratched behind his head with a small chuckle, “Sorry.. I didn’t think you would notice me,”

She casted him a side eye look before rolling her eyes.

“You’re not exactly quiet.”

And then she turned to stare back at the beach’s many waves. The stars glimmering in reflection with the water. It was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that.

He never bothered looking at where she was looking. But instead he decided to take her in. She was dressed in a white nightgown with a scruff at the end and at the ends of the sleeves, her hair wasn’t tied up or anything but fell behind her shoulders due to the wind, pointy nose, eyelashes casting a dim shadow on her the top of her cheeks which were a bit flushed due to the not too chilly breeze.

Jake might’ve been young but he wasn’t young enough to not know was beauty was when he saw it. And this might have been the prettiest girl he’s ever laid his eyes on. She might’ve been as beautiful as his mom.

“You really have a staring problem,” She told him, amusement evident in her voice.

“What!” Jake shook his head before scooting away from her, “What is that even supposed to mean!”

“Hmmm…” The still unknown girl tapped her chin lightly.

“It means you stare too much. My mom says that stuff will have you go blind.”

So this was how she wanted to play.

“Well, she’s wrong!”

He knew he hit a sensitive spot when the girl before him gaped lightly at what he said before huffing. He felt the panic dwell in and he was about to apologize before he heard her burst unto a fit of laughter.

“You should have seen the look on your face!”

Jake knew that day, that her laughter, that sound was his favorite melody of all time.

⋆

If anyone asked what you thought of Jake, the first thing that immediately came to your mind was — an oddball.

It didn’t add more to it when you both lived in the same neighborhood. Only two houses away from each other. To add more to it, your mom and his mom knew each other since they used to go to the same highschool together. They both suffered from the loss of their husbands, with yours dying before you were even born, which meant you had no idea who he was. So you lived off your mom’s words about him, the picture frames around the house and the photobooks your mom kept in a small box in the basement.

It was like your moms’ relationship drew you closer to Jake and now that you took a closer look at him, he wasn’t so bad and he wasn’t as irritating as the other boys in your class. The ones who said girls had cooties and girl disease. In fact, you took a hold of how Jake wanted or more so, looked forward to spending time with you any chance he got. He also came by a lot especially after school asking for you. You were pretty sure your mom held some kind of favoritism towards him because she never wasted a breath when it came to the boy with the brightest eyes you’ve ever seen. And before you knew it, you warmed up to him. It didn’t take long but it wasn’t fast either. You were a girl with a lot of things on your mind and frankly, you were just perfectly fine in your own world and peace. But Jake managed to add something to that. You had no idea what or how, but he did.

“Y/N look!”

You looked up from how absentmindedly you were coloring in a butterfly, when you saw Jake running towards you..

With a dog? On a leash?

You sat up with a slight gasp at the sight out of the creature and before you knew it, the dog hopped on you leaving gentle but happy licks all over your face.

“Layla, no!” Jake yelled sternly.

Holding up your arms, you tried blocking them away with a loud laugh before you settled for petting her. Not before pushing her away tho.

“Oh my,” The boy before you sighed in distress, a hand coming up to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “I’m so sorry about that Y/N. She’s still a puppy, so she’s full of energy,”

“Don’t apologize,” You shake your head before allowing Layla to take up the space on your lap for some more scritches.

“But I’m kinda mad, why didn’t you tell me you had a dog!”

“Umm…” Jake giggled sheepishly, “I actually just got her a few days ago. I was gonna tell you eventually..”

You gasped in mock offense before picking up a coloring pencil to throw at him.

“Hey!”

“You could’ve still have told me!”

“I was going to!”

Your bickering stopped by Layla jumping off your lap and running around the both of you in circles, indicating she wanted to play and have some energy spent. As if she hasn’t done that already.

“We we’re actually planning on going to the beach,”

Jake saw the way your eyes lit up and he couldn’t help the quick stutter his heart did. What was this feeling?

“Really? Can I join?”

“That was the plan, silly,”

Dusting off your lap from Layla’s jump earlier, you were about to stand up before two hands grabbed yours. Gently, they pulled you up to your feet and then gently let go. Almost as if knowing what was going on, Layla looked back and forth between the two young humans in front of her, before she barked to gather their attention.

“Oh! Uh, she’s getting impatient, we should go,” Jake quickly mumbled out before picking up his dog’s leash off the where he dropped it in the grass.

“Wait!” You looked back at your house before looking back at your friend.

And by then, Jake already knew what was stirring up your hesitation. He smiled at you reassuringly.

“I already told your mom. She said dinner will be done by the time you’re home.”

You could finally let out the breath you’ve been holding.

“Plus your mom loves me,” Jake quipped teasingly.

The young boy laughed at your eye roll and before you both knew it, you were both running, along with Layla down to the beach, with the dog before the both of you barking profusely with a hint of excitement. The whole afternoon was just you and Jake by each other’s side, with his dog running back and forth in the water. She even shook all of her water from her fur at both of you at some point to the point where you both were on the sand rolling around, both of your laughters mixing together that mingled in the sky above off you. It added more to the memories and you both knew you would be thinking about that day till the day you both grew old and wrinkly.

You knew that day, that you wouldn’t wanna spend days like these with anybody but with Jake.

⋆

Years went by, things blossomed and so did your bond with Jake.

It went from meeting him to that one random night on the beach, to you finding out you lived just barely away from each other, to you starting classes together properly after your mom’s job paid her enough for that to happened. You remember the sheer happiness when she told you that and how much that meant to younger you. You weren’t isolated by any means, in fact, your mom encouraged you to check the world for yourself. But you would rather have things done at your pace, so that’s what you did. Luckily she understood and you were beyond thankful.

You also noticed changes about Jake. At some point you and him were the same height, but ever since highschool hit, he’s grown like a head, almost two heads taller than you. He’s grown his fringes out, even at some point dyed it through the school years to the point where you had no idea how many times he did it. You remember one time dyeing it for him tho and that shit was a complete disaster and you wouldn’t have blamed him if he wanted to bald that way. You were still attached to the hip pretty much.

But something that has been coming back to biting you, was that you had no idea where you and Jake’s relationship were interlinked at. You were both seniors in highschool now and things were rocky. God forbid your younger self thought that growing older would result in you being able to talk about your feelings and emotions better, but no. You realized that wasn’t the case. There was definitely something holding you back. You just didn’t wanna come to terms with what it was. Running a hand through your head, you plopped down your bed, arms and legs spread out.

“Y/N?” You suddenly heard someone knock on your door before a head peeked in.

“Did you remember to take your medication?” She asked before stepping foot unto your room.

“Mom.. we already talked about this,”

“You can’t just keep pushing me away,” She insisted

You huffed before sitting, “Can’t we talk about this later please? I have to study for an upcoming exam. I promise I’ll take them later,”

“Y/N—“

“—Mom please..” You looked away from her, voice wavering, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

You heard her sigh, before footsteps and the sound of your door being closed.

Reaching out for your phone on your bedside, your first instinct was to text Jake. But you knew the sound of his voice was exactly what you needed right now. More than anything. Hovering your thumb over his Caller ID, you slowly started debating if this really was a good idea. Now that you think about it, you and Jake haven’t really talked much due to busy schedules, and you’ve also noticed him confiding comfort in a group of friends you’ve never talked to before, while you had a group of friends of your own.

You missed him. And it was eating you up from the inside.

“Fuck it,” You whispered before dialing his number.

The ringing was not a fit match for how quick your heart was beating, it was practically beating out of your chest and you didn’t like it. Not one bit. But you couldn’t deny in how much need you were of his voice. It was almost embarrassing.

He still had no idea.

“Y/N?”

You smiled. After all this time, his voice was still your favorite tune.

“Hi Jake..”

“Y/N? Hey. Is everything okay?”

“Why do you always assume that something’s wrong?” You giggled and even tho you couldn’t see his face, you knew his face was definitely scrunched up in his one infamous frowns.

“Well, I’m sorry for caring I guess,”

“No you’re not,”

“You’re right, I’m not.”

The same old Jake.

“I miss you, y’know?” He finally spoke up, “I feel like I barely see you anymore.”

“I’m still here, Jake. Life has just.. been busy you know—“

“—Y/N, no,”

You heard some shuffling on the other side of the line, before a dejected sigh.

“It’s because I barely see you anymore. Even your friends are worried about you. You’re still at school, I know you are because I know you wouldn’t miss any of your classes no matter how busy or tired you are but you always disappear so quickly after..”

“Like is there something you aren’t telling me?”

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him so badly but you couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the look on his face when you did. He would be crushed and you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for that.

“Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Y/N—“

“No y’know what? I actually called you because I needed you and now you throw this on me—You and my mom are exactly the same. You both say the same shit and it’s pissing me off,” Not wasting a second thought, you hung up before throwing your phone on your bed, silent tears rolling down your face.

You went to sit on the bench by the beach the same day, after you heard your mom went to bed. Pulling up your knees closer to yourself, you were silently beating yourself up for not wearing something warmer. Though, you were eyeing your jacket, more or so Jake’s jacket that was hanging around your chair but decided not to take it at last minute.

Wrapping your arms around your knees, you took a look up at the night sky. The moon was seeking it’s place behind some dark clouds, the stars were doing their own things, the wind was getting colder. It was as if everything was going by slower? Or faster? You were not sure anymore but you knew it’s been an push and pull trick ever since that day.

Would it be too early to give up now?

“I knew I would find you here.”

“You can’t keep running away from us, from me, Y/N. I won’t let that happen,”

You turned your head, tears slowly starting to brim your eyes again. You didn’t want him to see you this way. Then there is a sudden pressure on your shoulders and by now you knew Jake has wrapped your upper body up in his jacket, with him now in his white sweatshirt and black plaid pajamas pants. He wasn’t expecting any response from you, in fact, he was just happy to be in your presence and not you running away nor pushing him away.

“I won’t force you to say anything,” He slowly sits down, the space beside you always available for him. There hasn’t been a day where it hasn’t been.

“But.. I hope you know you can talk—“

“I don’t have a lot of time, Jake,”

The first pen drop.

When you didn’t receive any response, you turned your head and hoped for the worst. Jake was still staring forward, towards the waves and how more far away they suddenly sounded.

“I only have two years left.”

That made him turn his head to look at you. The look in his eyes made your heart drop. In all these many years you’ve known Jake, you have never seen him look like this, so empty, so hollow of thoughts, so broken and if you weren’t such a mess yourself, you would have tried to pick up pieces back together. But what was it worth if you couldn’t even pick up your own? Staying alive at this point felt like a chore, a walk even down to the beach sometimes took all the air out of your lungs if you didn’t take your medications.

You managed to catch the tear you saw roll down his cheek with the soft pad of your thump. He gripped your wrist in his hand when he felt it about to retreat and held it up to his cheek, fearing you would disappear faster if he didn’t. Your warmth was all he needed now. Jake hated asking for too much but he wanted to be selfish for once, right now.

“I’m sorry,” You shook your head, feeling the tears roll again, “I should’ve told you. But this was what I was fearing for. Seeing your reaction, seeing the look on your face especially after—“

Feeling a warm gentle hand cupping your cheek, you felt your words get caught in your throat when you took in the way he looked at you now. There was still sadness lingering but you really couldn’t put a finger on what the rest was. But that didn’t really occur your mind. You just needed him to say something.

“Jake, please say something..” You begged, voice cracking, “Yell at me, scream at me, anything!”

You failed to see the way he moved closer.

“Especially for the way I’ve been treating you. That’s the least I deserve,” Pushing at his chest, you couldn’t help but let more tears roll, the place on your lap a sea of your own sorrows by that point

“Why are you looking at me like that, Jake please—“

Your hands faltered their pushing on his chest when you felt something soft yet wet on your lips. Closing your eyes which were still filled with tears, you pushed yourself closer and basked in the gentle kiss that belonged to him.

It was always him.

You knew it by now, you knew it ever since your first encounter on that one night at the beach, at the exact same place where you were at now.

⋆

A lot has changed, with how low your energy has gotten, you couldn’t bring yourself to attend to classes psychically anymore. And by what your personal doctor has said, any stress can trigger the most especially in the state you’re in right now and nobody, especially your mother wouldn’t ever wanna take that risk. So you settled for going to school but at home instead, in the walls of your room. Your routine has gotten progressively more straightforward than what it usually was. You were drained and the eye bags under your would tell anyone a story that you, yourself wouldn’t be able to, lips chapped and peeling. You could barely recognize the sight of yourself anymore.

Jake was walking around with a heavy heart. You were finally his but at what cost? These past weeks has just been him lingering by your side more and more each day to the point he might practically live at your place now. Frankly, he wasn’t doing better himself. He was beating himself up for making everything seem like your fault when nothing was ever your fault to begin it. The world was just too cruel to make space for someone as precious and as delicate as you, the world never deserved you. Jake can’t count the amount of times he’s managed to utter those words to you, while trailing his browns over your features, with your hands interlocked under the sea of stars and crescent moon. And he memorized your reaction to his words each time. You were really the most endearing piece of art to him.

He knew you were trying. You even told him you were so he wouldn’t worry too much, you would fe your ribs construct whenever you saw the way he was trying so hard to keep himself from breaking down when he felt the warmth from your hands, from your body slowly leave your body day by then. All that warmth that you usually provided, was all gone. All the warmth he would confide in whether it was after a stressful day after of classes, work or the insignificant days where he got unto an argument with his mother. He was seeking for your warmth everywhere he went.

Yet Jake held unto the last amount of warmth you had left. That was all he could do.

“Jake,” He heard his mother’s voice speak up before he felt her shake his shoulders, obviously trying to wake him from his afternoon nap.

“I’m up, I’m up,” Groaning he sat up and was met with his mom’s frantic pacing.

He gave her a confused look.

“Mom—?”

“It’s Y/N,” She breathed out, “Her mom just called from the at the hospital..”

“Apparently she had a seizure,”

That was then Jake felt his whole world collapse.

This couldn’t be..

“B-But how.. I.. She was okay when I saw her last day..” He felt his breath getting stuck along with his world. This couldn’t be. His mom didn’t say anything but instead pulled him unto his arms and that was where Jake allowed himself to break down fully. Without any care in the world. You were getting further and further away each day and he had no idea how to cope with it. He was angry, frustrated, why was he letting this happen? Why couldn’t he have done more? For you?

You deserved everything, but this.

⋆

“I will miss seeing the stars,”

Even with a light hoarse lilt to your voice, it still sounded soft and gentle in Jake’s ears. Like it always has. You were wearing a soft smile when looking at the stars from the hospital window, that never seemed to falter when you turned to look at him.

“I know you will, my love.”

Your smile faltered when you noticed that he was in deep in thoughts. He always we’re but this time it wasn’t out of sheer sadness and distress but more like.. he was bashful?

“Is something bothering you, my Jake?”

He didn’t respond but from the corner of your eyes, you saw him pull out a small black velvet box. You gasped.

“I know we’re still young and all but..” He says carefully, “But you’re probably the only person I’ve ever felt this sure with. This secure with and I honestly couldn’t have asked for someone better,”

Slowly opening the box, there was it. A ring. A silver ring littered with small diamonds on the sides, with the biggest one being shaped in a crystallized star. You looked up and you realized Jake hasn’t looked away from you once, trying his best to read your reaction and body language, making sure he hasn’t been overstepping anything.

“I know you hate asking for much, just like I do but..”

“Jake I..” You shake your head, eyes wide, “It’s beautiful..”

Taking out the ring from the box, he gently took your hand before slipping the ring on before bringing it up to seal it with a kiss to your knuckles.

“You don’t have to say anything.. I know that—“

“My Jake, of course I wanna marry you..”

⋆

Jake woke up startled to the someone knocking on his front door. Automatically he reached beside him but was met with nothing but the cold sheets.

Heaving another deep sigh from his chest, he slipped on slippers before walking downstairs, careful not to wake up his daughter. He was met with Layla who was pressing her snout against the door, curious herself, tail slightly wagging before letting out a small bark at the sight of her owner

“Hey girl,” He cooed with a scratch to the canine’s head, “Be quiet now, wouldn’t wanna wake anyone up would we?”

Honestly, Jake had no idea what he was expecting when opening the door but..

“Mrs. Y/N?”

“Hi son..” She muttered, “I hope you’re doing okay. Look, I-I don’t have much time but this morning I came across this while cleaning up in Y/N’s room and found this,”

The woman gave a careful smile and that was then he noticed a small envelope in her hand.

“I was about to open it but I think it was meant for you,”

Carefully taking the letter, he examined it before turning it around where he noticed something written in messy yet distinguished writing.

‘For him <3’

⋆

‘Dear you,

I don’t know what this letter will be when you receive it but I hope it lands safely in your hands.

Life hasn’t been easy and to be honest, I never expected it to be. You and I both know that. But what I do know is that you’ve made my life easier. I don’t know if that has do with the solace from your words or the stars from your eyes. But in me somewhere, I knew you changed my life for the better. I can’t think of a person who’s made me laugh and smile as much as you have, I think that itself alone is impossible if you ask me.

I hope you aren’t too hard on yourself. And if you are, a reminder that I never wanted you to be and neither does your mother and our daughter. I may not be here when you read this so please think about them when life gets hard and when you can feel yourself shift the blame on yourself for all the things that was never your fault to begin with. I didn’t ask for how my life turned out, neither did you. None of us did. Life just has some dwelling sometimes and at some point, they like to take it out on one of us.

It’s not fair. I know.

But I hope you can look up at the stars and see me.

I will always be here with you.

Your, Y/N L/N.’

taglist: @karinasbaby @nishions @hittoki @superbbananananana @mimizen127 @jjunie-0 @ghostiiess

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249 notes · View notes

byjwn · 2 years

Text

you sitting on their lap ! : 엔하이픈

pairings : enhypen x gn!reader | genre: fluff | warnings ? hyung line contains implied sexual thoughts/acts but nothing crazy

jungwon 정원

jungwon would instantly be flustered the moment you sat in his lap to grab his attention. he couldn’t help but feel the warmth creeping up on his cheeks as he hid his face in your chest so you wouldn’t see his blush. you were bored out of your mind and jungwon was too busy in his phone for the past hour to pay you any mind. the first thought to grab his attention was to sit in his lap, and obviously it worked. now, yang jungwon was a shy mess while you sat in his lap trying to get him to look at you.

heeseung 희승

heeseung had been playing video games all day and you were tired of it. you just wanted to spend time with your boyfriend so you took matters into your own hands and sat on his lap, covering the monitor screen preventing him from seeing his game. he quickly paused his game and looked up at you, “y/n, are you trying to turn me on or something?” you frowned and shook your head no and explained to him that you just wanted to spend some time with him. “well i know a great way we can spend some time together ..”

jay 제이

jay would be very shocked at this sudden bold act from you. you were usually the shy type and always had to be brought out of your comfort zone, so you sitting in his lap in public was the last thing he expected from you. “baby, are you alright?” he asked while placing his hands on your hips, giving you a worried look. you wanted to tease him a little bit.. in a cute way of course and he really liked it even though he couldn’t prevent his imagination going a little further.

jake 제이크

jake thought it was the cutest thing that you could ever do. you and him were engaging in a little movie night when you came back with some popcorn, making yourself comfortable right into his lap. he could feel himself begin to blush but he honestly loved the idea of cuddling into you while you sat in his lap and watched a movie together.

sunghoon 성훈

sunghoon sat down on the couch beside you after a long day of practicing. he sighed, leaning his head back and stretching his arms and legs. you immediately hopped into his lap, offering to give him a massage to relieve some of his stress. his eyes widened as he looked at you on top of him. he definitely enjoyed this view and would want to see it more often.

sunoo 선우

sunoo would be very flustered, similar to jungwon but would be even more shy. he couldn’t even look at you because he would be too embarrassed and his cheeks would be a vibrant red. you would coo at him and tell him how cute he was and how there was no need to be so flustered. he would just shake his head as he continued to hide his cherry cheeks behind his hands. you remained on his lap giggling and making jokes about how embarrassed he was.

ni-ki 니키

you and ni-ki shared a class together which is how you guys met in the first place. somehow, every seat was taken up in the class so you had nowhere else to sit so you made your way to sit in his lap. he didn’t think anything of it and honestly thought it was super cute and held you close to him as you two worked on an assignment together.

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen reactions #enhypen angst #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen texts #enhypen writers #enhypen writings #enhypen smau #enhypen ff #kpop reactions #kpop imagines #kpop oneshots #enhypen oneshots #kpop smau #kpop fluff #kpop angst

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enhaheeseung · 6 months

Text

Come back to me - L. HS

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warning: angst, crying,

WC: 1,580k

Masterlist

Heeseung knew it was selfish to want you to spend the night with him after you two just made up kinda, but he’s missed you so bad that he couldn’t help but at least ask.

“I think it’s best if I don’t” you tell him softly his face visibly falling at your words but you couldn’t get that close to him again not this soon.

“I-“ he sighed, biting on his lip. “Okay,” he nods, giving you a fake smile. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” He says, feeling hopeful.

“Maybe heeseung, I just need time.” You stood up, getting ready to leave.

He quickly hops to his feet, walking you to the door. “Yeah, no, right, I get it, and I think that’s best for us. We can go as slow as you want. There’s no rush,” he rambled on and on.

“Yeah,” you reply with a small smile as he opens the door for you.

“B-bye, y/n.” You don’t respond this time cause your brain is still just a bit scattered over everything he has told you. You’d be doing a lot of thinking when you got back to Sunghoon’s place.

He closes the door, leaning his back against it with a long and heavy sigh.

At least you had forgiven him, but he still knew there would be many obstacles in the way to get to your heart, ones that only gave him a sinking feeling in his chest.

But after, as much as he put you through, he could get through this. He just had to be patient and prove to you just how much he truly loves you and wants you back.

“So, how did it go?” Sunghoon peaks inside your room only to see you sitting on your bed, a blank stare on your face as you think about everything that has transpired these past few months.

You smile softly as he takes a seat next to you. “It went..” you trail off, trying to find the words to describe everything, but you wanted to start with this first. “Why didn’t you tell me heeseung thought we were dating?”

He sighs. “Look, I know I should have, but it just didn’t feel like my place to say, you know? I didn’t want to say anything and make things worse.”

You nodded, understanding what he meant by that. You knew it’d be a difficult position for him to be in, so you weren’t too upset about it.

“So,” he starts. “You moving out?” He lets out a soft laugh.

“I think we still have a long way to go for that to happen,” you say while playfully bumping your shoulder against his.

“Why’s that?” He leans into your touch a bit, his hand automatically wrapping around your back.

“It’s just not as easy as I thought, you know, seeing him again, and after everything, I still love him, but it’s just difficult to feel the same around him. It’s almost like talking to a stranger,” Sunghoon hums in understanding.

“I understand. Just take your time, yeah? You can stay as long as you need, and there’s no need to rush. Take it slow until you two are able to work things out again,” he consoles.

You laugh breathily. That’s the same thing heeseung told you earlier. “You really think we can work things out?” you mumble.

“I know so.” sunghoon kissed the crown of your head, giving you an encouraging back rub, making you smile while simultaneously giving you hope for your and heeseung’s future.

You just wanted your husband back. You wanted your old life back. Everything was perfect until he started putting everything before you. If he was having problems, he could’ve just talked to you, and you would have listened.

Or maybe he didn’t feel like he could talk to you, and drinking with friends at work helped him more than you ever could.

Inevitably, that feeling of not being good enough started making its way into your brain, and when that happened, it just opened up the floodgates to a whole new array of negative thoughts and feelings, leaving you crying into your best friend's chest for the countless time since you’ve been staying with him you were just grateful that he was there for you cause without him you’re not sure where you’d be right now.

You knew what heeseung told you, and you trusted that he was telling the truth, but your mind just wouldn’t let go of that tiny part that thought there was more to his change in behavior than just a few drinks and trying to fit in you felt like at some point you had done something wrong to him, and that was his way of taking things out on you.

You sighed after your tears had settled, and patching things up with him was going to be far more difficult than you had imagined.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Sunghoon shushed you, slowly rocking you back and forth in his arms, telling you all the reassuring words that you needed to hear at that moment.

Heeseung couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad at the fact you left. Thoughts of you never coming back came creeping up in his mind, making him feel even more anxious than he felt before.

He really hated himself for everything he’d done to you cause now there was an obvious barrier between you two, so obvious that even talking to you didn’t feel the same. It felt uncomfortable. It felt forced, and it should never be that way, but thanks to him being a fucking idiot, it is.

But now he was going to do everything possible to fix it.

No matter what it took, he was going to make you his again, even if it was the last thing he did on earth.

But first, he was going to start out small, take it slow, and do the things he did to win your heart in the first place.

When you started your day the next morning, you felt better after talking with Sunghoon all night. He did a great job at easing your troubled mind.

For the third time after yours and Heeseung’s split, you decided it’d be good to get some fresh air and go on a mind-clearing walk.

But when you got ready to go out the door, the last thing you expected to be at your doorstep was flowers and chocolate, but there it was, sitting there looking pretty.

You ducked down, picking up the flowers and chocolate, a smile unknowingly gracing your lips cause you already knew who it was from.

You smelled the roses, a nostalgic feeling washing over you when you inhaled their fresh, light scent. It brought back so many memories, so many good memories of when you two dated.

Heeseung always used to do things like that before you dated, after you dated, and even after getting married. It was just in recent months that all his caring, gentlemen-like gestures had come to a screeching halt.

You sighed at the memory. He was literally the perfect husband. Your guy’s marriage was perfect, but apparently not to him cause he ruined it.

But even though he ruined he was trying to fix it, and that was enough for you cause you loved him so much to the point it hurt.

And pathetically enough, you already felt like running back into his arms, holding him, hugging him, kissing him. You wanted him again, but you knew you had to stand your ground. He had to work and apologize to win you back. Some chocolate and flowers weren’t enough to swoon you over, even if it felt like it did.

A text chimes on your phone, and you snap out of your little daydream, seeing a text from him.

“Hey, angel, I hope you like them. I remember how much you love roses, and it’s been a while since I bought you some. I added a little treat as well. Enjoy.” he wanted to say so much more; he wanted to call you and hear your voice. He wanted to call you his baby, but he held back cause he knew it was far too soon, and this whole being patient thing was proving to be rather difficult. He just wanted you back so bad he’s missed you so much.

You looked at his message, contemplating if you should respond while you shut the front door and went back in the house to set the flowers on the table.

You wanted to tell him how sweet he was and how much you loved them, but you, much like he, held back.

“Thanks,” your reply was short and sweet.

Heeseung nearly jumped for joy when he saw you had texted him back. He wasn’t really expecting you to even say anything, but he was ecstatic when you did, except when he opened the message, his bright smile fell so hard it turned into a frown.

He read the message over and over again, his heart feeling heavy. Obviously, he knew flowers and chocolate weren’t going to make you run back to him, but he expected you to be just a bit more enthusiastic.

But he understood even though it hurt his feelings he understood.

He sighed, shutting off his phone, knowing he was going to have to work extra hard to get you to come back to him.

Thanks for reading likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors I hope you all have a good day/night♥️

Permanent taglist:®• @nyxtwixx @iamliacamila @ramenoil @mimikittysblog @mimisamisasa @scarlet127

Deleted old taglist for blogs that didn’t interact anymore if you want to be added again just let me know.

#enhypen heeseung #enhypen #heeseung #lee heeseung #enha heeseung #engene #heeseung smut #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #heeseung enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen hard hours #enhypen heeseung smut #enhypen writers

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lillotus17 · 1 month

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INTERTWINED SERIES (Spidermen!ENHA) Preview

SYNOPSIS: After being dead for two minutes and then brought back to life thanks to your coworker you start to get these weird visions of future events just minutes before they happen. During a train ride you witness the murder of three teenage boys in broad daylight and then suddenly the next second they're sitting back down in their seats, alive and breathing. Despite the want you have to keep your peace and leave it alone, you can't help but get a very bad feeling and it only intensifies when you recognize the man that murdered them in your vision three train carts away and walking in your guys' direction. Shoving the three boys off of the train, saving their lives, risking your own, and being accused of kidnapping was not on your bucket list after surviving death. You don't have any clue what is going on or what in the hell you're gonna do to help these three boys but thankfully the four of you bump into some help along the way.

RELEASE DATE: TBD

PAIRING: EnhaHyung!Line X Fem. Reader, Spider-men!EnhaHyungLine x Madame Webb!Reader, Superhero!EnhaHyungLine x Clairvoyant!Reader, Spider!EnhaHyungLine x Paramedic!Reader, [ft. Enha Kim Sunoo (Anya Corazon), Yang Jungwon (Julia Cornwall), and Nishimura Riki (Mattie Franklin); TXT Yeonjun (Ezekial Sims), Choi Soobin (Ben Parker), mentions of Choi Beomgyu (Richard Parker); Shin Ryujin (Mary Parker); more to be added].

GENRE: Superhero AU, Romance, Action, Comedy, Angst, Strangers to Allies to Friends to Lovers, polyamorous relationship, (let me know if I forgot anything) more to be added!

WARNINGS: profanity, sexual/suggestive content (intercourse, oral, masturbation, phone sex, sexting, etc) ONLY WRITTEN FOR HYUNG LINE, MINORS DNI (you WILL be removed/blocked), poly relationship, drinking/consuming alcohol, feminine pronouns/terms used for reader, MADAME WEBB SPOLIERS!!! If you haven't watched it already! This is based on the MADAME WEBB MOVIE with some twist added into it! Let me know if I forgot anything at all!

DISCLAIMER: This is purely a work of FICTION! This is not meant to portray any of the Enhypen Members or other mentioned idols in any way or shape or form.

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE IMAGES/GIFS THAT MAY BE/ARE USED IN MY WRITING. IMAGES CREATED BY ME WILL HAVE MY WATERMARK OR BE COPYRIGHTED! THE MOOD BOARDS USED FOR THIS SERIES ARE ONES I PUT TOGETHER ON MY OWN BUT THE PHOTOS USED ARE NOT MINE!

ALL CREDITS GO TO THE OWNERS/CREATORS!

PLEASE DO NOT COPY OR REPOST MY WORK!

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, STRICTLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.

P.S. if you haven't already, you should definitely check out @artysse (credited) on TIKTOK! If you already have, then you know that it's an ENHA Fan Art Account of Spider ENHA! It's really fucking awesome! Go show some love!

NOT PROOF READ: Apologies for any grammatical errors, my loves!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This takes place in New York, with mentions of South Korea and Japan. Reader is the same age as Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon. Jungwon, Sunoo, and Niki are the same age, in high school, and have a slightly bigger age gap between them and hyung line. Time gaps, mentions of MCU universe events/milestones. Slight spider-verse au, hyung line are all from different universes! Also note that maknae line don't have their spider powers (yet) because they develop it in series. ENHA hyungs already have their powers when they meet Y/N and the other boys.

CAST:

Y/N L/N as Cassandra (Cassie) Webb/Madame Webb

Yang Jungwon as Julia Cornwall (Carpenter in the Comics)/Arachne/Spider-(Wo)man

Kim Sunoo as Anya Corazon/Arana

Nishmura Riki (Niki) as Martha (Mattie) Franklin/Spider-(Wo)man

Lee Heeseung as Peter Parker (Tom Holland Universe)/Spider-Man

Park Jongseong (Jay) as Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield Universe)/Spider-Man

Sim Jaeyun (Jake) as Miles Morales (Spider-Verse)/Spider-Man

Park Sunghoon as Gwen Stacy (Spider-Verse)/Spider-Gwen/Ghost Spider

More to be added!

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stariikis · 3 months

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ash's masterlist

📌 the encafe series [ot7] synopsis ; a series of enhypen fics revolving around cafes, coffee shops and caffeine-induced romance... you in the rain [nishimura riki] (highschool au, frenemies to lovers) synopsis ; based on the Chinese Drama, 'When I Fly Towards You', in which you, a going-on-high-school English genius named Huang Yuting meets the Mathematics genius of the 10th grade, Nishimura Riki, underneath the rain.

ot7 headcanons

enhypen as your valentine [fluff, established rs]

enhypen as dangerous woman songs [fluff, established rs]

nishimura riki

you in the rain [fluff, romance, highschool au, strangers to lovers]

you turn it right around [fluff n comfort, highschool au, established rs]

i get the feeling that you're just holding on [comfort au, established rs]

royal flush [fluff, romance, uni au, roommates to lovers, established rs]

a cruel summer with you [fluff, romance, hs au, rivals to lovers]

the muse [fluff, established rs, artistxmuse]

what's your ETA? [fluff, established rs, forced proximity on the train]

ni-ki as your study date [fluff, established rs]

yang jungwon

engraving on my wrist [fluff, idol x trainee au]

jungwon as your situationship [fluff, idol x trainee, getting together]

operation : be your boyfriend [fluff, confessions, getting together]

kim sunoo

tough case [fluff, hurt/comfort, established rs]

lucky girl [fluff, establish rs, idolxnonidol]

lee heeseung

gummy bears [fluff, mutual crushing, highschool au]

sim jaeyun

maybe i lost myself [hurt/comfort, established rs]

special requests 💌 you above all? | kim sunoo [angst, breaking up, right person wrong time]

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seungkwanslowqualityenglish · 4 months

Text

Tangled Hearts

✿ Synopsis: He was your number one rival, after being caught in a compromising position with him, you find yourself in a circumstance where working with him seems to be your only solution. A torn sheet of paper with a list of rules holding both of your signatures, being the only thing connecting you two. Yet, what if you find yourself wishing that paper was not the only thing tying you two together.

✿ Who: Park Jeongson / Jay [Enhypen] & Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Word Count: 19733 Words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, forced kissing, kissing, bodily harm, bleeding. ✿ Request: No ✿ Enjoy.

“Read it and weep,” Slipped from your lips, slamming the exactly twenty-nine page report, which has a bright red A plus with a ninety-nine drawn in large letters and circled, onto his desk. “It seems someone didn’t do that well,” Mockingly left your mouth, as he quickly tried to cover the bright red A with a ninety drawn on in it large letters and circled, opting to just shove it into his folder instead of attempting to cover it. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” Was said with false pity lacing each word, nothing more than sarcasms dripping from each word that left your mouth.

Jay was quick to scoff, hiding the papers within his folder, before pushing your report from his desk, wishing you would just turn around at your table, instead of bothering him. “At least I got an A, or did someone forget that B you got yesterday.” He quickly retorted, laughing at the obvious displeasure upon your face, as he brought up the score you had received on your literature essay the day before, an eighty-nine, meanwhile he received a ninety-seven. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” He said, directly mocking what you had just said to him.

“Damn, y'all got nineties?” The person who shared the table with Jay inquired, as they looked between your papers, before looking at his own. “I got a thirty-two.” The voice was quick to add, which a thirty-two was a generous score, seeing how he only wrote about two pages and one of the two was not even on the topic the reports were supposed to be on.

As you stared at the person who dared interrupt your bragging, Jay was doing the same. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Came from both of you at the same time, like some sort of coordinated circus act. Speaking at the same time, Jay and you made eye contact, an obvious look of disgust coming upon both of your faces. “This doesn’t involve you Beomgyu,”

Beomgyu was fast to raise his hands up, symbolizing that he surrenders. “God calm down, I was just saying, I’d kill for a ninety-nine, or even a ninety.”

“Beomgyu, you would probably kill for a seventy, you have like what, a forty-three in this class.” Jay was quick to say, turning his attention to the guy besides him, hoping you would take the hint and leave him alone. Luck however in his favor, since at that exact moment a loud voice was heard clearing at the front of the class, drawing everyone’s attention.

Unable to retort to either of the men, you simply picked up your report, placing it into your folder, before focusing on the professor in front of you. Professor Jung was luckily not one of the hardest professors at your university, however, she did assign the most essays and reports. Today was no different, you had finished a month long report, and here she was ready to assign another report. The only question on your mind, was what would the topic be,

“You all have done various reports and essays for this class so far this semester, so this month’s assignments, you will instead have a month long project. I know, you are disappointed you aren’t getting the monthly report and weekly essays as usual, but instead all your focus will be towards this project, so no reports or essays this month. This project is twenty percent of your grade, so make sure you work diligently, it can really hurt you, or it can really help you. The next two months will be one large project instead of two smaller projects, so remember who your partner is, they will be with you on this project until the end of the semester.” Professor Jung spoke, her eyes shifting towards Beomgyu as she said the last part.

“I will be pulling it up onto the board momentarily, however I have chosen who you will be working with, make sure you get together with who you are paired with a plan out a schedule that will work for you. On our front desk, we have five papers, you will need one of each per group. One paper is a log, you will need to write down the time and date you meet up to work together and sign off on it, you need to meet up at least 5 times, to get full credit for that portion of the rubric. The next paper will vary group to group, they are upside down so you can not look through them; these are what you will be creating and if you need to create it to withstand a certain condition. You should all know we have been discussing urban building, rural building, and natural disasters; these sheets give you a prompt and some have a natural condition, you may be planning and building a kindergarten that can withstand the torrential tornados of the area, you maybe planning how to build a hospital in an area that does not have one for hours around and has extreme winters and summers, or you may be planning and building something that will be contained in the dead space under an elevated highway system. The third sheet is of the required components of your build and your documentation, each of these must be included for you to get full credit on this section. The fourth sheet lets you know what is needed of your models, the minimum and maximum height and size your model can be. The last sheet is a list of questions that should be answered throughout your report. Please do not wait until the last minute to do this project, it is a lot more than you think it will be. Any materials for your builds can be taken from our department storage, however, make sure not to waste them, or take way more than you need.” Professor Jung finished her monologue, opening up the file with the pair's names onto the smartboard of the classroom, before starting to retreat towards her connected office. “Here are the pairs and class is dismissed. Get to work on your projects.” She said, finally entering her office, yet not closing the door behind herself, leaving it wide open for any students that have questions.

Looking down at the paper on your desk, the notebook sheet was filled with perfectly written and spaced notes. You documented everything she said was important, and wrote the main details of the project down. Making sure to make your things up, except for your folder, to put the papers into. Knowing that the professor made your pairs, you could only hope that Beomgyu’s name was not next to your own, since that would mean doing the whole project solo. As you thought about being paired with Beomgyu, a few other classmates names came to mind, Winter, Taehyun, Yuna, and others; each one being just not the best to be paired with, either they were failing or just barely getting by, and you would be damned if you let them ruin your straight A’s in this class. The lowest score you had received from Professor Jung was a ninety-four, and you planned to keep it like that. However, you did not have long to dwell on who you would be working with, as you heard an anguished muffled yell from behind you.

“She has to be joking,” Jay was quick to say, shooting Beomgyu a dirty look, as his seatmate started to laugh, knowing why Jay was so mad. “Don’t even start with me Beomgyu,” He said, the venom dripping from each of his words, causing Beomgyu to immediately shut up.

Beomgyu noticed in his own silence, that you were silent, but also that you were packing your things. “I guess someone’s not as mad as you, maybe they wanted to work with you.” He was quick to say, rising from his seat before poking at your arm, with a laugh. “Am I right?”

Feeling the finger poke at your arm, you moved your arm, staring up at Beomgyu with a look to tell him to stop. “Are you right about what? Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked him, finally deciding to look away from his grinning face, the only thing to look at being the board in the front of the class. “This is a joke right, this has to be fake, no way am I working with him.” You were quick to say, rising with a start, unable to believe what you had just read.

On the board was a list of names, Taehyun and Yuna, Beomgyu and Sakura, Winter and Karina, and right under that sat your name, next to one you would never wish upon even your worst enemy. “No way am I working with Jay,” quickly left your lips, grabbing your bag, you planned to make your way over towards the professor's office, this could not be happening, and you could not be expected to work with him. Hell, you would rather work with Beomgyu, the person whose highest score in the class was a fifty-four, than with Jay.

“Think I want to work with you either sweetheart,” Jay was quick to say, walking past you with ease, making it to the professor's office right before you did.

Beomgyu stood back, enjoying the show, watching as you both stormed into Professor Jung’s office. “You might not want to work together, but it seems she wants you to.” He called out on deaf ears, since neither of you were listening to a single word from anyone, instead being consumed by your anger of the situation.

Walking into the professor's office, she looked up, gesturing to the door. Jay was quick to close the door, given the look in her eyes, you knew she had done this on purpose, and it let you know that you were not going to be successful in getting a partner change. “I can not work with them.” You said, just as Jay did, once again speaking in complete sync. As you had prior, both exchanged a dirty look, shocked that they spoke in sync once more. “I would rather work alone than with them.” Was said, both completely in sync again, causing an amused look from Professor Jung.

“You two are my brightest and best students. I don’t know what is going on between you two, this whole little hate situation, but it needs to end. The architecture business isn’t as large as you may think it is, and both of you, being as bright and excellent as you are, will more than likely be working together once you graduate. You two need to figure out whatever this little problem is between you, sort it out, and work together. You will not be getting separated, you will not be doing this project alone, and you will not just do the work on your own. You have been paired together, so you will be working together as a pair, I will not be changing my mind, this discussion is over, go get started on your project.” Professor Jung was quick to say, ending any argument before it started, not even giving either of you a chance to plead your case.

Leaving her office, you felt dejected, and honestly, Jay felt the same. She dismissed the two of you and did not even allow you to get any words in, instead ending the discussion and sending you on your way. Exiting her office, the classroom was empty, not even Beomgyu hung around to bother the two of you. Leaving the office, there were exactly five sheets of paper left on the table at the front. Grabbing them, you sighed, guessing you would be having to work with Jay, despite how much it hurt you to think of. “Modern art museum surrounded by a garden, no major environmental conditions affect this area.” You read off the paper, just before it was stolen from your hand.

“If you think I trust you with our project’s papers, you are dreaming.” Jay said, starting to shove the papers into his bag. Just wanting to leave this classroom, go to his apartment and forget this ever happened. Being paired with you was the worst thing that could have happened for his day, he would rather work with Beomgyu, or any of the other names on the list of slackers of the class, than you.

Cringing as he shoved them into his backpack, you reached in, grabbing the papers back before he could zip his bag. “You could at least have the common fucking courtesy to not crumble the papers into small balls.” You said, starting to flatten the papers out, before putting them into your own folder. “You know, then maybe we can actually read them, when we need them.”

Jay scoffed, watching as you treated the papers with such gentleness, attempting to fix the crinkles he made in the material. “Whatever you say sweetheart, whatever makes you feel better.” He said, just zipping his bag up before removing his phone from his pocket. “Just give me your number and we can plan when we’ll meet up,” He started, planning to insult you once more, by saying he just could not stand to breath in the same air as you any longer, yet seeing Professor Jung leaving her office, a new stack of papers in her hands, for her next class, he decided not to.

Looking up, seeing his eyes catch onto something, you knew Professor Jung was in the room. Knowing that, you stopped your own arguing, simply just putting the papers into your folder, and your folder into your backpack, before zipping it up. Giving him your number, you found yourself leaving the classroom right after him, the two of you headed in different directions as you headed to lunch. It took not even five minutes for you to receive the first message, ‘this is Jay’, being all it said.

Before you knew it, it was the end of the day, you were on your way to the library, having planned to meet with Jay there after your last class ended. While walking through the various shelving units, you searched each of the tables, looking for the familiar sharply dressed black haired man. He had told you that he would be here after your last class, so you consider that maybe you should have walked with him here, seeing how you had all the same classes. That was how all this started, being the same major, you both took the recommended course loads, and therefore ended up in all the same classes. It being semester three of this, with five more to go, it was only natural that the two top students in each class would begin to compete with one another, being rivals.

Walking through the aisles of the library, each table seemed to be full of students that were not him. In another life you would have been working with anyone else in the class, or better yet your professor would have allowed you to work alone, but instead you were stuck in this life, and stuck with him. Maybe in your other life things went differently, you were the top of your class, no need to compete with Jay for that spot; yet, for every life you were top of class, there was another Jay who was top of class. Throughout your endless search for the male, you were growing tired, where could he be hiding in this library. Rather than just having to search every nook and cranny of the library, you should have made him give you a specific place to meet at, which you would the next time you meet.

This was the first of your five mandatory meetings, and it seemed like it might not even happen. Anger filled your being as the thought that Jay had lied, wasting your time like this, crossed your mind. Getting ready to head back towards the entrance and leave, you found yourself standing at the stairs to the fourth floor, the last floor of the library. Deciding you may as well check it, seeing how you checked all the other floors, you started your way up the stairs. The fourth floor was rarely used by students, one half of the room was full of old books from the archives, while the other half of the room was filled with a variety of children’s books and stories. These archive books were not available to be checked out in the university's library system, but were allowed to be used while on this floor. This part of the floor was usually only used by medical students, using the books that were so heavy they were unable to be removed from the podiums on which they sat, while the other part of the floor was only used by the education majors, selecting books to read to their practicum classes and books for their children’s literature reports. Weaving in and out of the shelving units, even going as far as to glance into empty study rooms that usually remained vacant at this point of the semester, honestly they usually remained empty at every point of the semester, he was nowhere to be seen.

The anger you had felt before ascending the stairs started to return, the fact that he had wasted your time like this, you had been searching throughout the library for almost thirty minutes for him. It angered you how he did this, practically sending you on a wild goose chase for him, when he obviously was not in the library during this time. The only places you had yet to check were the bathrooms, and you were definitely not going to be checking in them. Rounding the corner you exited the tall shelves full of old ancient books, most of which were factually inaccurate at this point, but too costly for the university to dispose of, into a much different scene, tall shelves full of colorful children’s books in a variety of languages. Walking through the first few, you started to hear voices, they were unintelligible from where you stood, but were louder the further you walked. Glancing at the books displaying brightly colored covers with anthropomorphic animals wearing a variety of clothing you thought to yourself, of course I would find Jay in the middle of the children’s section, these books are probably perfectly his reading level.

As you neared the first corner in the children’s section, the voices became a lot louder, it was a female voice, and they were repeatedly whispering, yelling a name. Getting closer you started to recognize what they were saying, it was Jay’s name repeatedly; the girl was saying Jay, Jay Park, Park Jongseong on repeat, like she was trying to call some sort of dog. Immediately turning on your toes, you walked in the opposite direction, not wanting to run into what sort of banshee was a few shelves down calling out for Jay’s name like they were calling a lost dog. Walking directly into the next corner, you found yourself being grabbed by the arm, back pushed against the cold hard deep brown wood of the side of a bookshelf. Immediately you opened your mouth to scream, but instead a hand was quick to cover your mouth, muffling any noise. Looking up, you realized the hand belonged to none other than Jay, as he kept you from making any noise, his eyes staring into yours with a pleading look, begging you to say nothing. With a nod, his hand moved from your mouth, the pleading look stayed in his eyes. “Why they fuck are you hiding up here? What the fuck are you doing?” You whispered to him, trying to move from his grasp, but his hold on you kept you exactly where you were.

As you started to whisper, Jay could only hope that Yujin was unable to hear the two of you, otherwise she would be all over him again in just a minute. “I’m trying to hide from Yujin, so if you could keep it down, once she leaves we can work on our project.” Jay whispered through clenched teeth, trying his best to keep the two of you hidden on the bookshelf edge, hopefully just out of Yujin’s line of sight.

Upon hearing the name slip from his lips, a moment of realization hit you at that name, Yujin. She was a girl you noticed back in the second semester, it was freshman year and she for some reason got obsessed with Beomgyu and some other guys in your classes. Beomgyu was always bragging about how smoking hot she was, that was until she realized Beomgyu’s future was not as bright as Jay’s. She transferred into your architecture classes at the beginning of your second year, but quickly transferred back into her original major, once she realized how hard the classes were. Honestly, she was a joke to everyone in your major, she would attempt to attach herself to any guy that would catch her attention, especially to any major that she felt would be rich. She had her try with the medical majors, none giving her time of day, she then tried to shoot her shot with the computer science guys, but they honestly were mostly too focused on coding to pay attention to her, the engineering guys did not even let her start, and then it was the architecture majors. None of them would let her around them either, Beomgyu being the only exception, and he was honestly the only one of them she did not want.

Knowing her history around the college, how she described herself as majoring in becoming a missus, made the whole situation even more hilarious to you. Yujin, whose whole goal was not to graduate university, but instead to get married to someone that will be rich, seemed to have set her sights on the one and only Park Jongseong. His discomfort brought you joy, it reminded you of a freshman student you had tutored for one of your professors, he thought it was more than just tutoring, swearing he had fallen in love with you, always asking you out and not leaving you alone. “If you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You mockingly said to him, recalling the exact words Beomgyu had told you last semester, overhearing your complaints about the freshman, Alex, words Jay agreed with at that moment. Yet, in this moment, based on the look he immediately gave you, they were words he did not agree with any longer.

Opening his mouth to respond, he immediately closed it again after hearing the voice getting closer and closer to where you were standing. Yujin’s shrill voice saying Jay on repeat like a broken record. The voice was getting closer and closer, like some twisted version of Marco Polo where only one person calls out, and in this version you definitely did not want to get caught by the one calling out. Jay’s body pressed closer to yours, the voice getting closer and closer.

“Jay, I found you.” Yujin’s voice started to say, finally seeing Jay’s backpack, but luckily not seeing where you stood. She started to make a beeline down the aisle, easily walking as quickly as she could towards the man she had spent the last thirty minutes or so in the search of.

Hearing her footsteps get closer and closer, fear set into Jay, and you were able to see it on his face, knowing good and well that once she was here, Yujin would probably not be leaving him alone. You started to open your mouth, a comment for Yujin loaded, to let her know where he indeed was. The comment however never came.

Jay looked around, trying to find a way out, Yujin getting closer and closer, terrifying him more than anything. As he looked around for a way out, he caught your eyes, keeping eye contact for only a second, he tried to find a way out once more. As Yujin was almost there, he did the unthinkable, bending down he pressed his lips against yours, rendering the both of you frozen for a moment, completely unsure of what just happened.

The two of you just stand there, frozen, letting Yujin see exactly what was going on. Before you knew it a shrill scream was heard, she was shocked at what she saw evident by her voice. “You fucking asshole Jongseong,” She started to scream, “You’ve had a significant other this whole time you asshole, leading me on like I had a chance.” She said, the venom dripping from each word she said. With a huff that sounded more like a muffled scream, she turned on her heel, storming off, leaving the two of you alone, lips pressed against one anothers, and confused as to what just happened.

Once she was out of the area, the two of you finally parted, Jay moving away from you, making sure Yujin was actually gone. As he did that, you were unable to stop your hand from coming up, hitting him square in the chest, causing him to let out a labored breath, before stepping back once more, out of your arm’s reach. “What the fuck was that for Park Jongseong?” You whisper yelled at him, the last thing you wanted to do was attract Yujin’s attention back to where you stood. “I have to disinfect my fucking mouth now” Was muttered under your breath, as you wiped at your mouth with the sleeve of your plaid cardigan.

Stepping back away from you, attempting to dodge another slap that never came, Jay stared at you, his eyes catching the look of disgust that was held in your own eyes. “Sorry, you think I wanted to do that, it was the only thing I could think of to get rid of Yujin. You know how she is, a damn piranha, once she sticks herself on you, she doesn’t leave. I didn’t know what else to do.” He started to ramble, attempting to explain why he did what he just did. As he spoke however, he thought of how Yujin was the campus gossip, if she had not already, soon everyone would know what just happened, who he was kissing, and everything.

“Maybe talk to her, if you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You said, mocking him once more for the words he agreed with that were once said to you. “Maybe instead of putting your disgusting lips against mine, you could have used your words, and just told her you don’t like her. Maybe spoke up for the whole male population of the school, maybe humbled her a bit, instead of kissing me.” Was said, each word making you angrier and angrier at what he just did. “Do you even know what you just fucking did? Everyone and their mother is going to know what you did, in like thirty minutes. The devil moves fast, but Yujin moves faster, especially when it involves the object of her misguided affection at that moment in time.” You said, what was to happen, finally hitting you. “She’s going to tell every fucking one.”

Jay shakes his head, wanting to do nothing more than forget what had just happened, what he had just done, what he had honestly just started. “Let’s just work on our project, I doubt she’s gonna do much. She’s all bark and no bite. Sure she’ll run her mouth, but who is gonna believe her.” Jay was quick to say, thinking of all the times the two of you have started arguments, knowing there was no way anyone in their right mind would believe Yujin if she said she found the two of you kissing. Honestly, most people would not even believe Yujin if she said she saw you two in a room not arguing, even that would be a stretch.

The anger in your eyes remained, despite his words, since you knew she would talk, and people would listen. Even if they did not believe her words, they would still humor her, they would listen to her talk endlessly about whatever it was, and this week it was yourself and him. “I swear to god, if I have even one person approach me about this bullshit, I will make your life even harder than it already is.” You were quick to threaten him, wanting nothing more than to go home at this point, but knowing you needed to start on your project.

Grabbing your backpack, you were quick to walk towards the isolation rooms in the middle of the floor that separated the children’s section from the archives. Entering one, you left the door cracked, hoping that Jay had the common sense to follow you. Sitting down, you were quick to start unloading your supplies, getting everything from class laid out. Ready to start working on this dumb project with him, knowing the sooner you get started, the faster you can get away from him.

Jay was shocked at what he heard, listening to you threaten him, but he oddly understood why. Watching as you started to blaze a trail, walking away from him, he quickly grabbed his own backpack, walking quickly to follow you. Entering the isolation room after you, he was fast to do the same as you had, spreading out his supplies on the table, getting ready to start the project. Working together, the two of you decided upon some basics of your assignment. Despite having plans to get as much done as you could, the drama with Yujin had delayed your start, leaving little done, before you decided to finish for the night.

Exiting the fourth floor, you found a set of eyes on you, averting your eyes as one of Yujin’s friends caught sight of you and Jay leaving the fourth floor, you just continued walking. Unbeknownst to you, what Yujin had seen was already spreading along campus, especially amongst your circles. It would have been nothing more than hearsay, had it not been accompanied by a photo taken by a Yeji, one of Yujin’s friends who worked in the library, who happened to be monitoring the cameras at that exact moment.

Exiting the library you were quick to realize a short buzz to your phone, opening it up, you saw nothing more than a message from Gaeul, one of your friends. The message said nothing more than ‘Jay? Really?’, alerting you that the mouth of Yujin had started to spread what she saw across campus already, much to your dislike.

Entering class the next day, it was odd, everyone’s eyes were shifting between Jay and yourself, yet none of them said anything. You had hoped that the rumor would just stay between Yujin and her circle, but obviously that wishful thinking had not done you well at all, since it seems everyone knew, even the teachers. Luckily no one said anything, most people were too afraid to speak up knowing how easily the two of you would give other verbal lashings with your words, too intelligent for many to even attempt to say anything. Well, that was until Beomgyu spoke up, once you sat in your seat next to him.

“Enemies to lovers arc, am I right. I totally called it. The chemistry I sensed between you two, I totally know you two were totally hate fucking after class, I just fucking know it.” Beomgyu was quick to say once you sat next to him, Jay was on one side, while you were on the other. “Here let me switch you two seats, so you two lovebirds can sit together.” He said attempting to stand up, before Jay’s hand roughly grabbed his arm, pulling him right back down into his seat. “Oh, I see,” he started, like he was some sort of detective genius, instead of just an annoying classmate and friend. “A lover spat, I see. Probably wanted to keep your relationship on the downlow a bit longer, am I right, that photo Yeji sent around must have made it really hard to do that.”

Ignoring Beomgyu was an art, if you were to be honest. He could be saying anything in the world, and your selective hearing would kick in, and only hear what it wanted to hear that fell from his overactive mouth. Yet, this time, your selective hearing was unneeded, you listened to each word he said, anger starting slowly, until it peaked at the last thing he said. “What photo?” You were quick to ask him, grabbing his arm, your nails digging into his arm as you started to squeeze his arm. “What photo are you talking about Beomgyu?” You repeated, each word getting deeper and deeper, as the anger started to take you over. It was expected that Yujin would run her mouth, telling everyone and anyone that would listen, a photo accompanying her words, that was crazy, there was no one on the fourth floor yesterday except for the three of you.

Beomgyu grimaced, shaking his arm from your grip before grabbing his phone, quickly pulling up the campus drama twitter page that had been created long ago by students that had not enough work to do, and too much free time. “See, this photo.” He said, showing it to you, before showing it to Jay, knowing if you had not seen it, Jay probably had not as well. Holding his phone out, so the three of you could see it, he gazed at the photo. “Who would have guessed my two besties would be caught making out in the library, like naughty, naughty, you couldn’t choose a better place, the children’s section of the library. What if there was a child there? You two would have scarred it for life, imagine looking for Pinkalicious and instead seeing you two sucking face, horrifying.”

Staring at the photo, you found yourself speechless, the anger that was within you found itself slowly being replaced by embarrassment. Not only did the whole campus know about Jay and you kissing, but here there was a photo to prove it. A photo that had not only spread through your department, but the whole campus at this point. Staring at the phone in Beomgyu’s hand, you were unable to stop your eyes from shifting down to the limited comments that were available, each one saying that they either saw this coming, or pointing out the fact you were making out in the library like heathens.

Unable to keep yourself calm, you decided it was best for you to leave. Skipping class was unlike you, but with the feelings that were filling you heart in that moment, you felt it was best, needing to get away, to just have a day off. “I, I’ve got to go.” You quickly muttered to Beomgyu, gathering your items as quickly as you could, before leaving the classroom.

Watching going through whatever turmoil was going on in your mind, Jay found himself caught up in the thoughts going through his mind as well. On one hand, Yujin would leave him alone now, but on the other, everyone thought the two of you were dating. Watching as you stormed out of the class, he was confused for a moment. You were often so strong, always willing to fight, but here you were all but running, and it looked almost as though there were tears pooling in your eyes as you left the classroom. He was quick to stand up, deciding to follow you, after all yesterday he said no one would trust what Yujin said, but he had not bet on her having a friend that was employed at the library and working yesterday afternoon. He ignored Beomgyu’s call to make sure his lover is alright, just wanting to do something he had never wanted to do to you before, apologize.

Leaving the classroom, you were unable to make it far before an arm grasped your own, stopping you where you stood. Coming face to face with no one other than Alex, the younger man stood there, obviously uncomfortable with what he was going to be doing. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have come on to you if I knew you had a boyfriend.” He said, almost like all those times he made you uncomfortable would have been okay if you were actually single. His words said one thing for certain, he was only sorry at the thought that he had attempted to come onto another guy's significant other, not that he was actually sorry for making you uncomfortable with his constant advances and appearances. Alex opened his mouth, about to speak more, but seeing someone over your shoulder, he instead closed his mouth, just bowing his head, muttering one last thing before running off. “I’m really sorry.” He muttered, but it was more directed towards the figure behind you, than to you.

From how Alex reacted, you did not need to turn around to know who stood behind you, it was of course Park Jongseong. “What do you want?” You asked, your voice cracking, as you finally turned around, looking him in the eye. You wanted nothing more than to continue running, but seeing how he already followed you this far, you knew he would follow you wherever you left to go.

As Jay’s eyes made contact with yours, he knew he was right, there were tears in your eyes. The person that was always so strong, always willing to fight, stood here in front of him, tears filling their eyes and their voice cracking, breaking. “Um,” He started, suddenly feeling unsure about what he was going to say. He suddenly felt worried, what if what he said made those tears actually start falling, what if he just hurt you worse than you already were. You might have been rivals, but other than in the case of grades, he did not actually want to see you hurting. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, I didn’t know that she had someone that would do that. If I was honest, I didn’t think Yujin would have any friends seeing how insufferable she is, let alone a friend that works at the library.” He said, like it helps somehow, like his apology would make everything better.

Shaking your head, you turned on your heel once more, starting to storm off. The only thought on your mind was getting home as quickly as possible, getting back into the safe walls of your apartment, only there could you forget everything that happened and all about Jongseong. Had you been looking behind you, you would have seen Jay reaching out his hand to grab you, only to clutch at air, as you moved before he could catch your arm. Weaving through the students, you ignored all the stares, especially when you heard the footsteps behind you, only attracting more attention than you had before. Walking faster and faster, you practically ran out of the hall, down the flight of stairs, and then out the front entrance of the building, just needing to get away from all of this, to get away from everyone, to get away from him.

Jay was quick to follow you out, he weaving through the students as you did, walking fast just behind you out of the building. Seeing you rounding the corner, he started to actually run, easily catching up to where you stood, grabbing your arm, yanking you back towards him. “Please, just hear me out.” He started, keeping a hold on your arm as he spoke, knowing the moment he let it go, you would run once again, and he would have to chase you all over again.

You stood there in silence, not wanting to do this now, honestly not wanting to do this ever, but you found yourself turning around, finally deciding to confront this issue. “Hear you out about what? How is it not a total trainwreck that all of our classmates think we are together? How is it not a total violation of my privacy that some photo of you kissing me is spreading around online? How I should be lucky it was you since I obviously couldn’t do any better on my own?” You started to rant, unsure exactly what was coming from your mouth half the time, your brain just taking over, and running on autopilot, words falling out without much of a thought put into them.

Jay shook his head, staring at you, listening to each thing that you said in that moment. “Just hear me out,” He said again, finally getting a nod from you, as you crossed your arms. “I know you think this is the worst thing that could happen, but think of it how I’m seeing it now. Yujin and her crew haven’t bothered me once, since those photos were spread. Think of that freshman, he apologized to you, have any of the other underclassmen been bothering you since those photos started to spread.” He started to explain, as much as he hated to suggest it or look at it this way, he valued not being followed by the girls that only came to college to find a husband even more.

“He didn’t apologize to me, he apologized since he thought he was messing with another man’s significant other.” You told him to start, pausing before continuing. “And yeah, sure, none of the other under or upperclassmen have bothered me since the photo was posted.” Quickly followed after, thinking of how none of the guys that were in your direct messages had messaged you within the last twelve hours.

“I’m just saying, they don't bother me and you aren’t being bothered anymore either.” Jay explained, the idea coming together in his head. “All I’m saying, let them think we are dating. Hell, we could pretend to be dating, that way we can keep our sanity, we keep them away from us, and we don’t have to worry about them bothering us anymore.” Jay suggested, unsure of what he thought this was a great idea, but he enjoyed the space he has gotten since they decided to leave him alone a little too much.

Scoffing at each word he spoke, you found yourself shaking your head, pretending to date, letting them think you are, what kind of world is he living in. “You must be the single stupidest person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life.” You started, staring at him in disbelief. “Pretend to date, no one would believe that, and that’s possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Listening to you speak, he shook his head, listening to how easily you discredited his idea. “Just think about it. When those pictures spread, all those freshmen that were bothering you stopped, just cold turkey, no longer messaging you anymore. They didn’t even question anything, they saw that photo and just believed it, so I think they would. But, you know if you would rather, we can deny it and I’m sure that one freshman, what was his name, Alec, would have no problem being quick to ask you out again, you know, if you want that.” He explained, seeing how easily they believed a photograph, saying you were dating would probably work just as easily.

The grimace quickly grew onto your face at his words, the mention of Alex finally making your mind think, maybe it is not that bad of an idea. “No, no, don’t.” You started, finally thinking about what he said fully. “But how would we make it believable, no one's gonna just believe it just started or anything, they are gonna want to know details, information, and the backstory.”

“Simple, we just worked out a fake backstory. Like how with our project we need to give our building a backstory, just like that, except it’s us.” Jay started to explain, “And we can just share our favorite things with each other, that way we know some things about each other, so if anyone asks, we know.” He said, nodding at his own idea, knowing it was a great one, but seeing the apprehension on your face, he continued. “We could consider this a project itself, like we are doing a project within our project.” He said.

Nodding your head, as much as you hated the idea of it all, the idea of being left alone seemed too good to resist. “Fine,” You started, before thinking of something that would definitely help this situation. “We need rules if we're gonna do this."

This was how you ended up sitting across from him, surrounded by an empty cafe, two half empty coffee cups on the table, and a notebook with a blue gel pen sitting on top of it. "Rule number one: no catching feelings." You were quick to say, writing it down, before looking up at Jay, seeing him nodding at the text.

“Rule number two; tell no one.” Jay added, seeing an odd look from you, as he spoke. “Don’t lie, I know you’ll tell Gaeul, and you and I both know, she can’t keep her mouth shut for anything.”

Nodding at his words, you quickly wrote it down. “Rule number three: no romantic shit.” You said, starting to write it down, only having the words rule number three down, when Jay’s hand stopped yours from writing.

Jay shook his head, grabbing your hand, stopping you after you had written down what rule you were on. “We have to do some of that romantic shit, as you put it, otherwise people won’t believe it. What about instead of ‘no romantic shit’, you put ‘only romantic shit when around others’.”

Shaking your head, you could not believe what he was saying, but you understood it to an extent. “What about, ‘romantic shit to an extent when others are around?” You proposed, seeing him nod his head, you quickly wrote it down.

“Rule number four: once all of this is over, we go back to hating each other, like none of it ever happened.” Jay suggested, watching as you wrote it down, before seeing you write rule number five, putting don’t fall in love again. “Why list that twice?” He questioned, just to see you shrug at the question. “Really helpful.”

Signing the paper, allowing him to sign it, you folded it, placing it into a pocket in your folder, almost like it was a real contract. “I guess we need to learn some basic things about each other too while we are at it.” You said, finishing your coffee, just before Jay gets up to get himself a new coffee.

That was how your day was spent, going over favorites, creating a backstory, making sure it was believable to others. “So, we hit it off after working together in a class last semester, kept a bit of a situationship before deciding to make it real this semester. We are still super competitive, but we don’t hate each other. Your favorite color is purple. You play the piano and guitar. Your favorite season is autumn. You enjoy cooking and playing video games.” You said, listing off the things you came up with, how you started to date, facts about him, and Jay did the same for you. As the cafe started to get more crowded, you realized how it was nearing noon, nearing the time that more and more students would be getting out. Noticing this, you decided to call it good for the day, allowing tomorrow to be your first official day dating.

"Hold my hand you dumbass." Was muttering under your breath, you attempting to slot your hand into Jay’s, as the two of you walked to class. The both of you slightly shivered as your hands finally intertwined, but luckily was invisible to the student eye, they instead saw a sweet couple walking hand in hand to class.

Jay had to resist the urge to grimace as his fingers intertwined with yours. “Your hand is sweaty.” He muttered under his breath, just loud enough you could hear it, but no others.

“And your hand is clammy.” You retorted back to him, allowing him to hold the door open, the two of you walking through the halls of the building your classes were in. Making your way to your classroom, you could tell other’s eyes were on you, but you honestly did not care, just happy at how the few underclassmen you had chasing you, were finally leaving you alone.

Entering the class, luckily it was empty, except for one person. One person who never comes early, but he could not resist the urge to see his favorite couple this early in the morning. “Oh, look at the lovebirds, even so enamored this early in the morning.” Beomgyu was quick to yell. Walking closer, you noticed that he had moved over into Jay’s seat, leaving his seat empty to allow Jay and yourself to sit together. “My favorite couple, making my heart swell with joy, I feel like cupid.” He started to ramble, running his mouth like he did shit in getting the two of you together.

Sitting down, Jay followed quickly after, seated next to you. The two of you grabbed your things out, getting ready for class to start. At some point both of you were just ignoring Beomgyu, he was talking like he was a relationship god for getting you two together. Only hearing the odd word from him, you were able to put together that he was talking about starting a company, a dating company, getting paid to pair couples together, since he was the human version of cupid.

You were ignoring him, until he started directly talking to you once more. “I’m just saying, I’m like a godly matchmaker, like if it wasn’t for me manifesting, you two wouldn’t be together. Like I manifested this, I could charge others and become a millionaire, you two being my first and favorite success story.” Beomgyu rambled on, like he had any part in this at all.

“Shut up, Beomgyu.” You were quick to tell him, having enough of this constantly rambling and talking. Holding his hands up, Beomgyu leaned back in his chair, causing you to ball your first, almost like you were planning on taking a swing at him. Shifting, Beomgyu was quick to lean as far back as he could, knowing you would not hit him, but not taking any chances. Jay was quick to catch your hand in his own, unfurling your curled fingers, and intertwining your hands. Starting to pull your hand out of his, a look of disgust almost coming over your face, you noticed the odd look from Beomgyu as he saw you moving, then the look upon Jay’s face, that made you just stop moving in all, staying still just accepting your fate. Staring down at your notebook on your desk, you slowly let out the breath you were holding out, trying to calm yourself. The last thing you needed to do was something stupid, since you knew if Beomgyu knew the truth, everyone on campus would within a matter of minutes.

Beomgyu was quick to make a soft noise, staring at the couple in front of his eyes. “Aw, don’t be shy, you two can hold hands in front of me, no need to be shy.” He started, thinking your reaction was shyness from him being there. “I am basically like your fairy godfather, so it’s okay, hold hands, sit together, kiss, it’s all good. I wish I was in love, seeing you two makes me want someone of my own.” Beomgyu started to talk again, going off topic with ease, going on and on about how he wants someone, how he actually thought Yujin was pretty hot, but she said he was not smart enough for her.

At some point, you were unable to hear Beomgyu anymore, the only thing on your mind being how Jongseong’s thumb was drawing small circles on your palm, just barely grazing the surface of your hand without a single thought. Despite the desire to rip your hand from his grasp, you knew what it would look like to the others, and the need to push the idea of this relationship, freed you from more things than you would gain from denying it. Since the rumor started there were no more weird guys in your direct messages suggesting tutoring sessions, that they hoped would turn into more. Jay was noticing something similar, since Yujin started the rumor, no longer did he receive the lingering stare of the single girls in the class, nor did he receive the whole spiel about how he was so handsome and so smart and they would like to go out with him. Despite the pain of the situation, the pros were outweighing the cons at this moment.

It was not long before your professor entered the classroom, her presence bringing all conversations to a stop as she started to teach. Only then did you let your hand drop from his, taking notes and making sure you document everything she said of importance. It felt odd, sitting in class next to Jay without the desire to argue with him, but honestly pretending to be with him was doing you more good than arguing with him would. The freedom you felt in this moment was nice, you were able to focus on the lecture and work, without the thoughts lingering in your head of the guys that would usually bother you within your social media.

Class ended at exactly the moment the video the professor was playing ended, she had her presentation timed down to the minute for the most efficiency. Placing your items into your bag, you went to stand up, only to be met by Jay grabbing your bag from you, swinging it over his shoulder. Watching as your bag landed on top of his backpack, you had to stop yourself from physically recoiling at the action. The rational part of your brain begged you to rip the purple strap of your bag from his hand, telling you to carry it yourself, but seeing how you had already frozen at his actions, you tried to just push on. Finally standing, you followed him out of the classroom, luckily, or rather unluckily you had your next class with him; you actually had all your classes with him, the fun of being the same major with identical course loads.

Walking besides him, fingers became intertwined, as your shoulders bumped together. Throughout the halls, you finally met a dead zone, no one being anywhere near the two of you, and the classes in that hall still being in session for a while more. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t carry your stuff?” Jay was quick to whisper around your ear, seeing him glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

Nodding, you found yourself understanding why he took it, but part of you wished he had not. “I have to disinfect it now since you’ve touched it.” Was all you replied back, continuing to walk alongside him. During this time, you thought about what led you to be in this situation, and how it seemed like the plot line of some b-rated drama. If anyone would have told you that you would be walking hand in hand with the person you considered your worst enemy, your biggest competition, Park Jongseong, you would have laughed in their face, and gone on with the rest of your day. Yet, despite the impossibility of that statement only a week ago, here you were doing just that. Finger intertwined, shoulders bumping together, with your bag slung over his shoulder, the two of you being a picture of a perfect college relationship, the kind of thing you would see a photo of on the instagram of someone who peaked in high school, yet thinks them and their significant other are the it couple of the campus.

Jay said nothing, just a slight laughing slipping through his lips, as he heard what you said. The rest of the walk was silent, until he opened the door to the next class for you. “After you,” he muttered as you walked past him, as he held the door open for you. The two of you quickly found your seats, placing your backpack on your table, before taking his seat behind you.

The silence of you two being the first in the classroom however did not last, as Beomgyu entered the classroom, taking his usual seat beside you. Class started without fail, and leaving class was just as it was before. That was how your day went from then on, Jay carrying your bag as the two of you walked hand in hand towards your next class. Having all the same classes made it irritating, as you had no chance to get away from him, or have any bit of freedom without him being around. Beomgyu sitting near the two of you in each class made it even more insufferable, as he talked about being a fairy godfather and how he was a top tier matchmaker, when he did not match shit.

This routine became a standard for the upcoming days and weeks. Like clockwork, Jay would be waiting outside your apartment building, the two of you would walk from the apartments to the architecture building. You would walk to class, and then after class you would walk to your next, this would repeat until the end of the day, when Jay would walk you back to the apartments. Each day he carried your bag without fail, you even stopped making jokes about disinfecting your bag, each time he touched it. It felt odd letting him do it, he carried your bag with little complaint, not even your actual boyfriends had done that, each having some sort of complaint about the weight of your books, the size of your bag, and what was in it. Instead, Jay carried it without word, even when the two of you would meet up to work on your project, he carried it, even when you knew no one around went to the college, or knew who you were. He was being a better fake boyfriend than your real boyfriends had been boyfriends. It was irritating to think of how someone you hate, was somewhat treating you better than someone who claimed to love you. Despite the cute acts, the two of you still exchanged harsh words, academic arguments happened over rushed whispers, others thinking it was a loving couple exchanging sweet nothings and compliments, when instead it was really bragging about grades and competencies, pointing out each other’s flaws in detail, and letting one another know about failures and disappointments that the other brought about.

Even as you met the requirement for meeting for your project, the fake dating continued, soon branching from just being while class was in session, to when around campus, and eventually when off campus as well. Lunch meetings, you refused to call them dates, became a regular occurrence; as did dinner meetings, and shopping meetings. The two of you genuinely looked like a perfectly put together couple, unknown to anyone that within the idyllic fantasy was two people who were practically strangers putting on the performance of their lives. This was how you ended up here, at a party.

You were never one for parties, preferring a small close knit party to a large frat rager. Yet, Jay having to attend these frequently, thanks to his friends Heeseung and Jake, brought up how odd it appeared for him to show up alone, and he could only say you were sick so many times, before the boys would start questioning things. This was how you ended up here, holding a half empty cup, Jay had sworn it was water, but part of you had yet to pull together the desire to test whether it was water or vodka. You were standing near Jay, his arm wrapped loosely around your waist, as he chatted away with his friends. As he noticed you standing uncomfortable, he shifted the two of you, and his conversation around, moving towards the open sofa and recliner in the living room of the frat house.

As Jay took a seat, he noticed you going to sit besides him, immediately stopping you. "Don't worry darling, you can sit on my lap.” Jay said aloud, pulling you into his lap in one harsh movement. “Gotta sell this to the people don't we?” He softly muttered in your ear, knowing that you and only you were able to hear that. Yet, it was true, it would be odd if the ‘oh so in love’ couple were sitting apart. It would lead to rumors, is there trouble in paradise, was paradise nonexistent, is the couple no longer a couple. These rumors would open the idea of too many things, most that would not bode well for either of you, so it was easier to pretend to be a cute in love couple, than be truthful.

Leaning back, you felt comfortable in his lap, despite every part of your rational brain telling you to stand up, get away from him, to not think he was comfortable to rest against. The smell of his cologne filled your nostrils, it was a warm and comforting scent, and you hated it, you should not like it, and it should not have grown comfortable to you. As the night drew on, you found yourself getting cold, having not dressed properly for the frat party, you had no jacket or coat to keep you warm. As Heeseung and Jake left to refill their cups, "I want your hoodie... to sell the dating lie,” You told him, turning around, to look him in the face, knowing that it was honestly only partially a lie, you were cold and it would sell the dating lie, but you also wanted it since it smelled like his cologne, a scent you had grown to like, a scent that you should buy your future boyfriend, once this whole situation is over.

“Next time dress properly,” Jay was first to say, almost like a mother scolding her child for not wearing a jacket when going outside in the cold weather. Yet, despite this, he easily slipped it off, helping you to slip it on over your head, and straightening it once you had it on. As he did this, one of the nearby drunk girls started to fawn over the two of you, her friend dragging her away as he lamented about how no guy would ever do that for her.

The peace from Jay’s friends leaving was waning, as someone even more annoying showed up, Beomgyu. Sober Beomgyu was annoying as hell, so you could only imagine what sort of level of hell drunk Beomgyu would unlock, and you were not prepared for it, whatever it was. Beomgyu was quick to sit besides the two of you, he was practically sitting on Jay’s lap almost, as he tried to get closer and closer to the two of you. “Lookie here, it’s my favorite couple.” He started, each of the words slurred, and his speech drawn out. “You two little love birds, I love you both so fucking much.” He continued on, watching as the two of you looked at each other, the eye contact you shared being enough to egg him on further. “Oh, no, don’t let me interrupt this little lovers moment. You two just do your little lovers thing. I see you eyeing each other, you two can kiss in front of me, you can also do more, I wouldn’t judge, my sweet little love birds.” Beomgyu continued on, encouraging the two of you to kiss, at some point, he stopped talking, just staring, encouraging, almost as though he was waiting for it.

Despite how badly you wanted Beomgyu to leave the two of you alone, it seemed in his drunken state, the only thing that would get him to leave was the two of you doing exactly what he wanted, the two of you kissing. Despite your unspoken pleas and prayers, he did not leave, and instead you found yourself turning to Jay, unsure of what to say, yet, luckily Jay spoke instead. “I don’t think he’ll go until we kiss, just play along.” He whispered into your ear, receiving a short nod, before his lips were on yours.

The kiss was more intense than the one you shared before, the one that started this whole mess, it was no longer just his lips pressed against yours, but yours were reciprocating. As your lips moved against each other, Beomgyu let a single gasp slip, he was absolutely enraptured in what the two of you were doing. As he reacted like a shocked movie goer, you felt Jay’s lips moving around, from your lips to your chin, but you found yourself unable to tell him to stop. Beomgyu’s gasp simply encouraged Jay’s actions, as he started to kiss along your neck, making his way down your throat. Eventually stopping at one specific spot, starting to suck along it, as your hands made their way into his hair. Tugging at the strands of hair, Beomgyu was not the only one caught up in the actions between you and your fake boyfriend, yells from Jay’s friends soon caught your attention, and at that he finally parted from your neck.

Resting your head on his shoulder, trying to hide the redness that was overtaking your face, you watched as the drunk spectators all went on. Beomgyu back to the kitchen for another drink, while Jake dragged Heeseung with him onto the dance floor. "Do you think they bought the act?" Came out as a breathless whisper, as you still tried to catch and retain a stable breath.

"While I kissed you down your throat? They definitely did, honey." Jay was quick to whisper back in your ear. His words were stable and steady, he was not as out of breath as you were after that, despite him being the one who did most of the action.

As he spoke, only one thing came to mind,“This doesn’t change anything between us.” You were quick to whisper into his ear, wanting to make sure to establish a boundary, a line, that no matter how many times you may have to do this, it changes nothing. He is your fake boyfriend, you are his fake significant other, and that is all you are to each other. Your words were more for yourself than him, a reminder to yourself, since you were finding yourself able to bear his presence. A presence you honestly would have only weeks ago hated being around.

Sensing a shift in the mood, Jay was quickly to get you standing, before he led you towards the roof. Finally getting away from everyone, you felt the freedom to be yourself, as did he. Yet, somehow instead of staying apart on opposite ends of the roof, you found yourself standing next to him. Staring up at the stars, the night sky was gorgeous when the common light pollution from the surrounding buildings was not obscuring it.

The silence with him was oddly comforting. Just the two of you, the cool breeze, the scent of his cologne in the air, and billions of stars illuminating the contours of each other’s faces. It was not long before Jay’s voice broke the silence, he started to point out different stars, different constellations, and explain some of them to you. It was odd, in the two years of classes you had with him, you would have never guessed he had a secret love for astronomy. Yet, you were not complaining, your eyes just following his pointing, observing the stars as he pointed out everything. “I would have never guessed you loved astronomy.” Was muttered, just barely heard by Jay.

Shifting his hand from one star to the next, he heard your words, just barely audible over the sound of the rushing wind. “Did you ever care to ask?” He murmured back to you, allowing the topic to drop, as he continued to tell you more about constellations. “There are also some we can’t see without a telescope, like the Perseus and Andromeda constellations.” He started, shifting so he was laying against the roof, tugging your sleeve, pulling you down with him, before he continued. “Princess Andromeda was the daughter of Queen Cassiopeia, she was very beautiful, so beautiful that the Queen proclaimed her more beautiful than Poseidon’s daughters. Poseidon, not liking that, decided to punish them, sending a sea monster, Andromeda’s own father, King Cepheus thought that if they sacrificed her, the sea monster would go away. However, before the sea monster could devour her, Perseus saw her, falling in love with her at first sight. An agreement was made, he would kill the sea monster, and in turn would have her hand in marriage. Yet, she had already been promised to another man, he fought for her and won, then boom happily ever after.” He told you, unbeknownst to you, it was his favorite constellation and story, it was one that had loved since the moment his mother told him the story when he was young. His mother had a love of astronomy as well, teaching him everything she knew, his own favorite constellation, being hers as well.

Laying on the ground, Jay’s arm around your shoulders, keeping your head from resting on the dirty ground. Despite the chill of the wind, it felt comfortable, you felt comfortable, he was oddly comforting as he spoke about the constellations. It was interesting, you could tell when it was one he liked, he spoke with more conviction, with more joy, he enjoyed the topic more, than he did when talking about the generic ones he did not like as much. Your head rested on his shoulder, eyes still staring straight up, captivated by the twinkling and shining stars above your head. So many thoughts came to mind as you observed the stars, yet, none of them slipped past your lips, instead you enjoyed the silence, enjoying the moments before you would return to the party.

It was Jay who broke the silence, his voice soft, you barely heard him, and even then, you still think you misheard him. “You think we’ll end up falling in love.” The words were quiet, not even entirely audible, but he honestly did not care if you heard him, nor did you care whether you heard him properly.

At his words, you found yourself getting up quickly, reaching a hand out to him, to help him up. “I think we should go.” You were hastily saying, wanting to get out of here. The ideas flooding your mind were not welcome, and after spending the day with him, you just wanted to be all alone to suffer with the thoughts going on in your mind.

Instead of standing, he just stared at you, the stars illuminating the area behind you, broadcasting you like some sort of beauty, but he could only wish it was someone he actually loved standing in front of him, not you. It took a few moments before Jay stood, the two of you making your way out of the party, ignoring the calls and yells from his friends and Beomgyu. Leaving the party, a sudden wave of fatigue hit you, Jay walked you to your apartment, before leaving to go to his own.

As you found yourself falling into your bed, the thoughts of what had happened tonight flooded your mind. The thoughts flowing through your mind at lightning speed, before you eventually found yourself lulled to sleep.

After that night, you found yourself oddly enough getting closer and closer to the male, becoming accustomed to his presence, feeling uncomfortable when not around him, it was almost like you were really dating. It was just like a friendship was being formed,or something, you were unsure what exactly it was. No longer did your time alone consist of bickering constantly, but instead it was filled with actual conversation, sharing interest, and more than just bragging and arguing.

This was how you ended up with him sitting at your kitchen table on this Sunday afternoon. You two may have already met the requirement for in person meetings for your project, but the desire to go above and beyond by both of you, made that requirement nothing more than a simple number. Both of you had easily gone over that number, sometimes even meeting twice in one day to work on the project, both destined to get the highest score possible on this assignment. It was on this day that you were working on the display aspect of your project.

Two days prior both of you had raided the supply closet, taking just exactly what you needed for your display, to make the perfect model of a modern art museum and the surrounding garden. Jay sat trimming down little fake bushes, starting to create the outline of the garden, while you sat attempting to open another package of fake plants. The utility knife you were using made quick work of the thick tape keeping the package closed, but it also made quick work of your hand, slicing your palm as you made a quick downward movement, not closing the blade quick enough. A pained gasp came from your mouth, as you dropped the knife, it closed before hitting the floor with a sound. Trying to hold your hand, attempting to stop the bleeding, the action was caught by the person sitting across from you.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" Jay was quick to say, his body moving around the table towards you with speed. He quickly grabbed your hand, the napkins on the table from your midwork snack, quickly being pressed against the wound, as he tried to stop the bleeding.

Watching as Jay tended to your injury, you found yourself trying to tug your hand out of his. “It’s not that bad.” Was what you said first, but he did not listen to you in any capacity, just continuing to apply pressure to the cut. "None of your-"

Jay’s grip on your hand did not leave, he instead started to steer you towards the sink in your kitchen. Luckily it was only a few feet from the kitchen table that you two were seated at working. "Yeah, then fuck you. My bad for caring." He said without much thought, starting the sink, allowing the water to stream out. Removing the napkins, he pulled your hand under the water starting to wash out the cut, while seeing how deeply you had injured yourself.

"For an asshole, you make a pretty good boyfriend." fell from your lips as he cleaned the injury out. Taking care of you like someone who genuinely cared for you would. It was odd, no one was here to see his actions, but he still gently tended to you, cleaning out the cut before starting to get ready to bandage up your hand, once you pointed him towards the first aid kit you kept in the kitchen.

As he made sure you would not bleed out on your floor, he finally released your hand, leaning against the counter of your kitchen, looking at you, before grabbing the kit. “I could say the same about you.” Jay was honestly a bit surprised at how well this had been working, how easily you two played the part, your Oscar worthy performances tricking everyone around you.

You would never admit it, it would hurt your ego and probably inflate his, but sometimes you wished it was not fake. The enjoyment of being around him, how he genuinely listened to you and gingerly treated you, he was a better boyfriend than your actual ex boyfriends were. You found yourself wishing when he would kiss your cheek, that he was doing it out of love, not because Yujin was staring. You found yourself wishing when he was carrying your backpack to and from class, that it was actually because he was your boyfriend, not because he was just playing the part. It hurt sometimes, hearing the comments from others about how perfectly matched the two of you were. Both overachievers, getting degrees in architecture, and a desire to be top of the class; so many similarities, of course the two of them would fall in love, but you genuinely wished that look of love others claimed to see was real.

Resting against the counter, you sat on the marble tile as he started to bandage your hand. When it started, holding his hand felt like nothing, you could only feel how sweaty and clammy his hand was, but as the days turned to weeks, it felt more comforting, almost like maybe it was where your hand belonged. You would never admit it to him, the thought that you felt maybe you were falling for him, maybe you were no longer feeling that hatred and pain you once felt for and around him, but instead you felt a slight tinge of joy when walking hand in hand with him, when seeing his face seated next to you in class. Sometimes you even find yourself getting lost while thinking of the idea of his face, the idea of his lips against yours once again, the idea of this all coming to end sometimes soon and the pain you would hold afterwards.

It was not long before Jay had finished tending to your hand. “And there you go.” he muttered, before helping you down from the counter where you sat. His hands felt natural around your waist, as he picked you up before putting you back down. You enjoyed the feeling far too much, way more than you should. You should hate the idea of his hands on you, the idea of his arms wrapping around your waist and holding you close, but you did not, you could not even if you tried.

You were the one who so vehemently demanded the to add the rule about not falling in love, so passionate about it, you added it twice, it being rule number one and number five on the singular piece of paper that bound the two of you together. You just wanted to say fuck the rules, fuck the paper, and fuck the feelings you were having. Weeks ago you would have thought your dazzling personality would enrapture this man enough to fall in love with you, someone he would never have. But instead, here you were the one breaking your own rule, finding yourself falling in love with someone you would never have, since one day all this would be over, you would say the contract is finished, and he would go happily upon his way, and you would do the same. Yet, he would be a lot happier seeing this end, than you would be.

Sitting back down, Jay took the packages, instead handing you the ones that were already open. “So that doesn’t happen again.” He explained, starting to empty the boxes so you can work on the project without the risk of injuring yourself again.

The project was one that was simple enough to complete, the museum had already been built from foam, and all you had to do was arrange it and the garden. The afternoon quickly turned into evening, and soon you were putting the finishing touches onto the display, and it was ready to be presented to your professor. Having already completed all the written work, it meant that your project for this money was complete. You may have hated it to start, but you were thankful that partners were for the rest of the semester, not just this project, since at least it meant you had two more months to enjoy this treatment, to enjoy being with Jay, before it would all probably come to an end.

As Jay placed the display on the island of your kitchen counter, it was odd, there was a knock at the door. You were in the midst of putting everything up, about to tell him to grab his stuff so he could leave. Moving away from the table, you did not even make it to the door before it flew open. Standing there was your mother, a person who had your spare key against your better judgment.

“My baby,” The older woman said, kicking her shoes off with speed, before crossing the few feet that separated the two of you, pulling you into a hug. At that action, you were unable to move, just letting her hug you as much as she wished. After a moment, she finally released you, looking around, a gasp slipping out of her mouth with ease, as she sees Jay’s shoes sitting on the ground by your shoes. “You have someone over?” She was quick to ask, just as Jay exited the kitchen, coming to look for you.

The scene was an odd one, your mother fawning over Jay, just assuming he was your boyfriend without much word from you. “This must be the young man that Beomgyu set you up with.” Your mother said, but you were stunned at her words, unable to speak. “He’s such a lovely young man, he told his mother all about how he was playing matchmaker and set you up with such an amazing young man. His mother told me all about it at our monthly hair appointment.”

Honestly, you should have expected that much, Beomgyu did believe he was some sort of relationship god and that he manifested the relationship between Jay and yourself. You also should have expected your mother to find out about it sooner or later, after all she was best friends with Beomgyu’s mom, that being a large reason why you were somewhat friends with the odd person. Sheer panic set in, you wondering just what he had told his mother, and just how she twisted those words in telling your own mother.

Jay was oddly able to sense the stress you felt from this situation, and reacted accordingly. Seeing the woman that he overheard call you their baby, he assumed this was your mother, and seeing how she seemed to know about the fake relationship, he acted accordingly. “Yes, I’m Jay, their boyfriend.” He said with ease, walking closer, sticking out his hand to your mother, however your mother was quick to pull him into a hug, squeezing him just as she did to you.

“Oh, if I knew you were here with your boyfriend, I would have come on a different day to visit you.” Your mother started, finally letting Jay go, acting as though she would have come another day, when you know she really would have come today, just probably at an earlier time. “I was going to take you out to dinner, but I may as well just take you both, my little love birds.” She said, as she eyed the two of you, going as far as to send a wink your way. You knew from that alone that you were in for an earful later, she was probably never going to shut up about how handsome and polite he was, or about how he was nicer in the five minutes she knew him than your ex’s were.

Jay was quick to shake his head, starting to refuse the offer, starting to come up with some lie so that he could leave, but seeing the look on your mother’s face, he knew it would not work. “Um, sure, why not. I have no objections, Mrs.” He said, his hand slipping into yours with ease, watching as you nodded your head.

Your mother was quick to notice his action, a smile quickly coming upon her face. “Oh goody, come on children,” She started, turning on her heel to go towards the door once more, “and don’t call me Mrs. just call me mom,” she added, conveniently stopping herself from saying since she’d be his mother in law soon, despite how badly she wanted to, slipping her shoes back on before opening the door. “Let’s go, mimosas wait for no one.” She said, stepping out of the apartment, waiting on the two of you.

This was how you ended up sitting next to Jay, while your mother sat across from you, leading the conversation. She went on and on about what she was doing in life, her job and everything, especially mentioning everything she had heard from Beomgyu’s own mother about his matchmaking abilities. She then turned the conversation onto Jay, doing her best to get the ‘get to know the parents’ conversation out of the way. He spoke with her with ease, it made you slightly saddened watching the two of them speak, she was getting along better with Jay than she had any of your other ex’s, and this was not even a real relationship for this level of attention. When you agreed to fake date Jay, you never thought that it would lead to the two of you having a nice dinner with your mother, and it was oddly going great.

As the three of you started to wrap everything up, Jay excused himself for a moment. During this time, your mother wasted no time starting to talk. “Oh my gosh, he’s so nice and polite. You really picked a good one this time, unlike your ex’s. He’s so handsome too, like oh my I’m going to have to tell Beomgyu’s mom all about this, she’ll be so proud her little boy set you up with such an amazing man. And you two are the same major and all, and he’s just as passionate about it as you are. I just think it’s a match made in heaven.” Your mother rambled, she honestly would have continued, had it not been for her seeing Jay on his way back to the table. Sending a quick wink to you, she stood, and you followed, the three of you making your way back towards your apartment after she paid.

"I'm pretty sure my mom likes you way more than any of my actual partners." Was the first thing out of your mouth, once Jay and yourself were safely within the confines of your apartment. It was honestly ridiculous, the first one of your boyfriends that your mom likes, is the one that is not really your boyfriend. Every other one she had some sort of complaint about, he was too work oriented, he was too controlling, he was lazy, he was uncaring, he was rude. But she had not a complaint for Jay, instead she spilled out compliments, he is committed to his school work, he is passionate about architecture, he is kind, he is polite, and he is handsome.

To your dislike, laughter was all you heard from Jay for a moment. “I guessed that,” he said through his laughter. “The way she couldn’t even wait until I was out of earshot, before she started talking. What was it she said again? ‘Oh, he’s so handsome and polite, unlike your usual boyfriends’.” He said, recalling the exact words your mother had said only minutes prior to the three of you leaving the restaurant.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You muttered, walking through the living room, you found yourself sitting on your sofa. The scene felt too comfortable, like the man in front of you was not someone you would have argued with and yelled at only weeks prior. The comfortable feeling you gained around Jay was not on your list of things that might happen, it was not even anywhere near the list. Repeating the mantra in your head, you were the one after all that added ‘no catching feelings’ to the list, not just once, but twice.

Jay laughed at your words, still in the process of removing his own shoes, just as you had. “Oh, don’t worry, I will.” He jokingly said, following you without a word into the living room. He went to sit beside you, the tone in the room completely shifting, he watched as you shot up, sitting straight, causing him to look around, remembering where was. He was not with his friends, he was at your apartment, and he needed to leave. “I think I’ll head out.”

“I think you should go.” You spoke at the exact same time as he did, both seeming to realize where you were, the tone of the room was no longer jovial and happy, it was awkward and unsure. You were unsure of whether you wanted to really go, but you had already spoken, already told him to leave. You were also unsure how he would react if you asked him to stay, would he say no and leave or would he laugh in your face, or maybe he would catch on and make fun of you for possibly breaking one of the few rules you had outlined for this.

Jay was quick to nod his head, bag in his hand, and he was out your door before you could think of anything else. Standing up, you were fast to follow him, closing the door behind him, locking it, before leaning against it. Staring at the beige wall across from the door, you tried to compose yourself, but failed. Back against the door, slumping down, you found yourself sitting on the floor. Soon your hands were covering your face, soft sobs coming from your mouth as the events of today and the past few weeks finally fully started to be interpreted in your mind. The soft sobs quickly turned to full sobs, your shirt becoming tear soaked quickly, unable to stop the tears from falling.

The thoughts of the feelings you felt holding his hand, kissing him on the cheek, him kissing your cheek, it was all too much. He would carry your bag, he would always wrap an arm around you, he would walk you to and from classes, even carrying your stuff when you would work at the cafe or library instead of letting you. It was too real, it felt too real, you wanted it to be real. The realization that you never really hated him, was a tough one. You two were always nothing more than rivals, encouraging each other to do better, to get higher scores, to try to outdo the other. He was so much like you, you had the same passion for your chosen field, enjoyed all the paperwork and crafting, and had the same desire to be the best. This whole situation was not something you would have thought would happen, you were usually happily fine just competing with him, not having to be around him except in class. Yet, finally admitting to yourself what you felt was difficult, but the worst part was knowing he did not and would not feel the same. Your mother loved him, you felt like at some point you would love him as well, but he would never love you.

Hands intertwined, you found yourself being walked from class to the library, once again the two of you meeting to make sure your project was finalized. If the events of the past few months were odd, no longer were you arguing and yelling, instead the conversations consisted of teasing and light bickering. No longer did the two physically cringe when your hands met, instead you silently reveled in the feeling, how his hand enveloped yours and felt within your grasp. Enjoying how he would lead you around the campus with ease, hands intertwined, swinging to and fro as you walked side by side.

The end of the semester was coming, and you thought that it would mean the end of whatever was going on between Jay and yourself as well. The semester would end, the fake dating would end, all the feelings you had towards him would be pushed aside, and the next semester you would come back and fall back into your pattern of being rivals and hating one another. At the start of this agreement, you genuinely could not wait for it to be over, but now as it was nearing its end, you wished for it to continue. Struggling with the realization of your feelings towards Jay, even fake dating him was better than nothing, and you would rather continue doing that, than having nothing from him.

Faking dating him was better than being nothing more than a rival to him. The feelings you felt you wished would just disappear, push them into the back of your mind like they never existed, like they had never existed. Soon you will go back to just being a rival with him, the only thing connecting the two of you is the desire to outdo the other, the need to score higher, to do better, to be the best. The warm feeling flooding your chest when you held hands, would be gone. The joy you felt from just spending time with him, even if it was nothing more than doing homework together. The happiness that would overcome your being, just from the small things he would do when with you. Meeting him in the morning, him having gotten you your favorite morning drink, would stop. He always carrying your favorite snacks in his bag, for mid study session snacks, would no longer be there. He remembered and always ordered your favorite pastries, when the two of you would work at the cafe, would be gone. Most of all, he walking you to and from class, making sure you got home safe, and constantly checking in on you throughout the day, would stop.

As the two of you rode in the elevator, Jay could sense something was wrong. There was no conversation flowing, there were no witty remarks, and there was nothing going on between the two of you. “Hey,” His voice was soft, as he caught your attention, his hand coming up, tilting your face up to look at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his thumb starting to stroke your cheek. “Do you not feel well?” He added. As you attempted to shake his hand off your face, he however stood there, not moving. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t feel well, we can finalize the project on another day. I can take you back to your apartment, we can get you your favorite tea, and just take a rest day.”

"You're not my boyfriend, why do you keep saying romantic and caring things?” You were unable to stop the first thought in your mind from slipping past your lips. Immediately after, you gasped, realizing what you had said.

Jay however did nothing more than laugh, hearing your words. "So... you think I'm romantic and caring.” He replied with ease, a smirk starting to come upon his face, at your words.

“No,” Immediately slipped from your mouth, attempting to answer him and defend yourself. “I just…” Unable to think of a reply, with all the thoughts in your mind, none of them came out. There was no one around, so why was he being so sweet to you? Why did he always do this, getting you coffee and tea in the mornings, getting you snacks, making sure you were alright. These were things a boyfriend would do, which he was not yours, and a fake boyfriend would not do these things in private. Jay not only did those things around others, but also when it was just the two of you. He would always say some bullshit about how he likes to be consistent, but consistency was making your heart skip a beat, consistency was making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy, consistency was making you feel things for him that you should not be feeling for him.

Luckily, you were saved by the elevator doors opening, unable to respond, and instead just listening to his laughter, before he pulled you from the elevator, over to your usual table. The past few days had gotten harder and harder to spend time with him without the feelings flooding your mind taking over all rational thought. It was getting to the point that you were unable to spend time with him, without wishing this was real, that the way he held your hand was genuine, that the way he spoke to you was all you ever wanted in the world. He was so sweet and romantic and caring, but it was not real, it was not actually a relationship, despite how badly you wished it was.

“Hey, if you don’t feel well, we can just raincheck today?” Jay’s voice breaks your train of thought, he watches as you shake your head.

You did not want to let him know what was going on, and instead just put a smile on your face, wanting to get this day over with. “I’m fine, let’s just finish this up and then we can go our separate ways.” You suggested.

Jay was quick to look around as he heard your words. “Let’s finish the last parts of the project, and then I think we need to go to the cafe, to talk about our, you know, situation.” The finalization of your project was completed with ease, just making sure that each and every part of the rubric was answered and all ready to be turned in.

As the both of you had checked the last question on the paper, making sure it was answered, you started to pack up your supplies, ready to leave, to finally get back to your apartment. However, you were unable to get all of your things packed, before Jay’s voice caught your attention. “Hey, let’s go to the cafe, we need to discuss something. Then I’ll walk you home, okay?” He said, and you only nodded, just wanting to get this day over with.

Once again, you were hand in hand with him, Jay holding your backpack, as you walked across campus with him to the cafe. As you took a seat in your usual spot,the secluded table at the corner, you waited for Jay. It was hard to keep yourself from smiling as he put down your favorite drink. He always remembered all these little things. These were things that even your ex’s would not remember, your favorite drink, food, snack, and just everything. Despite the desire to enjoy the moment, you left the drink where it sat, looking up at Jay. “What did you want to talk about?”

Jay was sipping at his coffee when he heard your voice, deciding he might as well just get to the point. “I know we said that we should just do this until the end of the semester, but I think it might be good for us to continue after coming back from winter break.” He was quick to say. “I just think it would be best, like Yujin and her friends have been leaving me alone, and I know the freshmen aren’t bothering you, and I just think it would be best for us to continue. I mean, I feel like we don’t hate each other as much anymore, and just don’t you feel better without having to worry about them. We can just continue and then maybe once Yujin latches onto someone else, we can end it.” He offered.

Nodding your head, you found yourself agreeing without even thinking about it. “Yet, I guess that makes the most sense.” You said without a single thought in your head, you were trying to not think about this. Trying not to think about how his hand would hold yours, how he would kiss your cheek, and how he would say the sweetest words to you without much thought. Trying not to think about how much it would hurt hearing those words knowing he did not really mean it, holding his hand knowing he would rather be holding someone else’s hand, and feeling his lips on your cheek knowing it was only there for show.

You watched as Jay responded with nothing more than a nod, sipping at his drink once more. The silence was usually comfortable, yet, you found yourself uncomfortable. Sipping at your drink, trying to finish it a bit quicker than you usually would have, wanting nothing more than to leave. As you quickly finished the drink, you stood, grabbing your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, before Jay could try to grab. “Take your time, I’m just gonna head out.”

Jay was fast to stand, watching as you started to grab your stuff. “Hey, I’ll walk you back.” He said, starting to grab his own things, it was odd how you wanted to leave so quickly, but he did not question it.

Shaking your head, stepping away, ready to go. “No, it’s fine. Just enjoy your coffee, I just want a moment alone.” You tried to assure him, watching as Jay slowly nodded, before he slowly sat down, deciding not to fight you on this. Leaving the cafe, the walk back to your apartment was lonely, you were accustomed to Jay being beside you, his pace always slowed down to meet your pace. As you walked, you had time to think, the thoughts of everything flooded your mind. The thoughts of what you had agreed to, and how it was affecting you, only months ago you would have not enjoyed just being with Jay, only months ago you would have not wanted to be around Jay, and only months ago you would have not been falling for Jay.

December came and went with little fanfare. The project was done, presented, and graded with a wonderful score of ninety-eight. Winter came and went, the break being far to short, before it was time to resume classes. The weeks you had away from campus gave you time to think about everything that was going on, and think you did. However, you came to no conclusions, instead every single thought helped you in no way at all. As winter break came and left, you found yourself back on campus, falling back into the routine you had with Jay from the semester before.

Being the same major, having the same classes, and the same professors meant that the two of you were often together. It was routine for you two at that point, Jay picking you up from your apartment, walking to campus with you, walking you to class, and then at the end of the day walking you back to your apartment. It was hard to pretend like everything was alright, especially like the whole relationship was nothing more than your contract.

It was almost the end of January when the two of you went out to your first part, from being back on campus after winter break. Of course it was a frat party, once again Heeseung and Jake talked Jay into coming to the party, and he only agreed if you were to come with him. Parties were still not your thing, specifically frat parties. The faint smell of body odor, the faint stickiness of all the surfaces, and the loud booming edm music playing through the speakers; it was just not what you enjoy, but you were here for Jay, not yourself.

Sitting in his lap, after he said some shit about saving a seat for the others, felt odd. You would rather be sitting alone, maybe five feet away from him, or even just in a total other room, that way you would not be feeling these butterflies in your stomach at how his hands held you around your stomach. “I need some air.” You said to Jay, before prying his hands from you, and standing up, quickly going out the door. The stuffiness of the room was too much, the feeling of him holding you was too much, and the thoughts in your mind were too much. Leaning against the porch fencing, you found yourself sitting on the ground, trying to calm yourself, knowing you would have to go back into the party at some point or people would ask questions.

However, you were unable to relax too much, since after only three minutes, Jay was slipping out of the door to rejoin you. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, sitting on the porch, right besides you. “If you don’t want to be here, we can leave.” He offered. “You also don’t have to come with me to the parties, if you don’t want to.” He added. Jay would never admit it, however he did not want you to be uncomfortable, and he felt bad for having you come with him, since you were obviously not enjoying yourself here. He was not one for these large parties either, but someone had to keep Jake and Heeseung from themselves, and until their other Sunghoon made it here, it was Jay that had that task.

Shaking your head, you leaned against the fence, just closing your eyes. “No, it’s fine. You can go back in, don’t worry about me.” You were quick to tell him, but had you been looking, you would have seen the look on his face that told you he would not stop worrying, and he would honestly probably worry more.

“Hey, let’s go.” Jay said, standing up, offering you his hand, deciding if you were not going to tell him what was going on, then he would take you elsewhere. “Heeseung and Jake will be fine until Sunghoon gets here, it’ll only be like ten minutes, what’s the worst they can do in that time, shave their heads? They wouldn’t, they couldn’t pull off being bald.”

Looking up at Jay, you found yourself laughing, before finally giving him your hand, letting him help you up. Jay was fast to lead you through the house, out of the house, and then down towards the close convenience store. “Thank you.” You muttered, unknown to you whether you heard him or not.

“It’s okay, but you need to tell me if you don’t want to be places. I’d rather leave than make you stay somewhere you don’t want to be.�� Jay told you, leading you over to the outdoor table, outside the convenience store. “Stay right here, I’ll be right back.” he said, pushing you into one of the seats.

Sitting down, you watched as Jay went into the store. Not even ten minutes later, he exited, bag and two bowls in hand. Jay had set one down in front of you, looking at it, you noticed it was your favorite ramen. That bowl was soon followed by a bottle of your favorite drink, and then a bag of your favorite snacks. “Thank you.” You said to Jay, watching as he already started to eat his ramen, he encouraged you to do the same.

“Honestly, I don’t really like frat parties either.” Jay started, as he watched you start eating. “Honestly, if it wasn’t for Heeseung and Jake needing someone to keep them from doing stupid things, I wouldn’t go either. I probably haven’t told you about why they need to be babysat when they drink, have I?” Jay continued, as he ate his own food. “So once, they were both completely shitfaced, like drunk off their asses, and they got this great idea, well great to them. They decided to go get matching tattoos. They found some shady little place that was still open, and got matching tattoos. They somehow thought it was a great idea to get brothers tattooed on each other, but they misspelled what they wanted, so instead of saying brothers, it says bothers.” As he told you, Jay found himself happy, watching as you started laughing at his story, it was one of the first times in a while he had seen you genuinely happy. He was unsure what was going on, but he did not like it, despite the fact he would have not admitted it to you.

Listening to him, you found yourself laughing. Oddly enough, the tattoos saying bothers instead of brothers made sense as well, since Heeseung and Jake were both a bother to many people. “I can’t believe that’s why they need a babysitter.” You muttered, looking down as you noticed that you had finished your ramen, the snack and drink being soon to follow.

It was not long before both of you had finished everything, and Jay started to help you clean up, throwing all the trash away. “I guess I’ll get headed home.” You said, as Jay spoke.

“Wait right here for a moment.” Jay said, standing, and heading back into the store.

Watching as he walked away, you decided maybe the night did not need to come to an end so soon, and instead waited for him. Soon he returned, bag in hand, and soon your hand was in his other hand. He started to lead you towards your apartment, but you somehow knew that you were not going there.

Jay led you through the streets, going towards the park that was near your apartment. “I want to show you something.” He said, taking you through the streets, towards the grassy knolls of the park. It only took about ten minutes of walking more, before he found where he was taking you.

Soon, you were in an open field, the close street lights were blocked by tree cover, and the only light illuminating the area was the cloudless sky. As you were staring up at the stars, seeing how clear and beautiful the sky was, Jay was busy opening the bag, spreading the blanket he had bought out on the ground, sitting down, before grabbing your hand, to get you to do the same. “This is what you bought.” You muttered, before sitting down next to him. Soon, your back was on the blanket, staring up at the stars, as Jay did the same.

As you started to stare up at the sky once more, Jay started pointing out the constellations, with you starting to point out the ones that you remembered. Had you turned to see Jay’s face at that moment, you would have seen him staring at you, instead of the sky, enamored with the fact that you remembered them from all those weeks ago when he told you about them for the first time. As you explained what you recalled from all those nights ago, Jay found himself fading into sleep. Noticing how quiet he was, you sat up, being sure not to wake him. “All those weeks ago you asked if I thought we would fall in love. I don’t know about you, but I know I have.” You whispered, finally having the confidence to admit it, after the wonderful night you had with him, yet you knew you were screwed, since he would never love you back.

You allowed him to rest for a few minutes more, observing his features. Maybe you were attempting to memorize his face just in case things went back, really for when things went bad. He would be your one that got away, but did he really get away if he never loved you back. After about ten minutes, you started to shake his shoulder, waking him. As he woke, soon the two of you were headed back towards your apartments, all while you decided you needed to do something, to let him know you really feel, so he can reject you, and you can move on from these feelings.

"I hate this so much. So much. How'd you talk me into this again?" Jay’s voice said, looking around at the pink, white, and red decorations with disgust. He was never one for any of the school events they held, off campus events, and even the frat parties to this.

A laugh left your lips as you dragged him alongside you. He did not want to be here, but alas here he was, by your side, despite his dislike of these events. “Come on, lighten up. We had to come, Beomgyu invited us to join him and his girlfriend of the moment.” You started to tell him, laughing as he groaned, knowing he would have to deal with Beomgyu outside of class today. “Also it’s a holiday for lovers, Beomgyu would have questions if we didn’t show up.” You reminded him, keeping up appearances, to the others, you had been dating for almost six months, it would have been odd if you did not come to this event. While you had other motives for inviting him, you let him believe that it was just because of Beomgyu’s invitation.

Meeting up with Beomgyu and his girlfriend of the month, was quick, the two of you quickly going off on your own, leaving him and his girlfriend on their own. Jay may have hated college hosted events, but he honestly did not hate it as much, when he was accompanying you. Sitting at a table, you watched as Jay enjoyed some of the provided foods, while he might hate these events, the food was not that bad, and your company made it almost worth coming.

The night drew on, the two of you dancing and enjoying your time together. It was not long before you had dragged him out of the party, into the impeccably decorated flower garden the university had prepared for the event. Walking through the maze-like garden, the two of you found yourself besides a flower wall. The pink, white, and red roses aligned for the perfect couples photograph.

Jay had to stop himself from laughing at the scene, the flower wall being nothing more than a backdrop for couples to take cute photographs, looking towards you, he easily spoke up. "If this is some plot to confess your undying love for me, you could've just said so." Jay’s voice cut through the silence, easily capturing your attention, reminding you that you were not alone. His voice held a teasing tone, like he was about to make some snarky comment about where the two of you were standing.

It was in that moment that you decided you had enough. You had enough of your heart skipping a beat, enough of the butterflies in your stomach going crazy, enough of your feelings that you tried so hard to suppress. Deciding to put it all out there, to risk it all, either you would leave knowing he feels the same way you do, or you would leave embarrassed, knowing you were the only one to break a rule. “And what if it is?” You muttered, watching as he simply placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. Looking around, there were few people in the area, most were leaving the event, but it still automatically reminds you of his keeping up appearances statement from so many weeks ago. "Are you faking it-" You started to ask him, voice soft so only he could hear, expecting nothing more than for him to agree, to play the part of the sweet couple sharing a kiss in the middle of the Valentine’s Day event.

It was unexpected when his lips met yours. Being quick to kiss him back, you were unsure how long the two of you stayed there, the scene being one out of a movie. "I can't seem to fake anything when it comes to you, love.” Jay muttered against your lips, his hand moving from the side of your waist, to behind your neck. “I can never seem to fake anything when it comes to you.” He added, before fully reconnecting his lips with yours once more.

The kiss however was broken shortly after, moving back from Jay, looking up at him. “Tell me you are telling the truth.” You softly said, looking up at him. “I don’t know if I could handle it if you tell me later that this was all for show. If saying you love me was all for show.” You muttered, just thinking about how easily that would break you, here you were opening your heart up for him, confessing how you felt, and if afterward he said it was all to make the fake dating seem better, it would break you more than you would care to verbalize, to tell him. He could destroy your heart with ease, and all you could do is hope he feels the same way as you do.

“It’s the truth,” Jay started, grabbing your hands, pulling yourself closer to him once more. “Nothing but the truth.” Was added, his lips making contact with yours once more. His hands wrapped around your waist, your hands coming up to his neck, one intertwining into his hair, tugging him closer to you, as though close was not even close enough.

The kiss however was quickly ruined, as an annoying voice was heard from behind the two of you. “Your mom will just love this photo.” Beomgyu said, somehow having found his way to you, taking a photo, sending it to his mother to show your mother.

Jay and yourself were quick to reply. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Was said in tandem, voices overlapping one another’s, causing laughter to come from you, as Jay shot the male that was only feet away a dirty look. Putting his attention back onto you, Jay was quick to lean back down, your lips finally meeting once more, knowing that despite your original thoughts, it was not only you who broke a rule, and maybe it was for the best in the end.

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taeghi · 2 years

Text

𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 : part 4 (final)

their profiles (updated profiles) | [a playlist] | masterlist

PAIRING ▸ lee heeseung x fem bodied!reader

SUMMARY ▸ you figure out your relationships with jake and heeseung.

WORD COUNT ▸ 10,400

GENRE ▸ enemies 2 lovers, angst, SMUT ; protected sex

TAGLIST ▸ @rerequire @mymeloem19 @shadowsofthewild @defxciii @heejaykeluv @nikirikii @enhaluv22 @holybxba yedammi @lhsng @bamchanbin @nalwhare @i-dalso @jaeyunslut @laffatae @skzimaginesmainblog @kimmchijjajang @jays-blue @heesquared @hoon-lvr @hoonlv @axartia @bluesoobinnie @cyuuupid @eulaenthusiast @lalalalawon @bunhoons @enhasengene @blond4enha @pythonilyn @snowyseungs @soobnism @leviathanlee26 @moonlightgrleric @leefra98 @markleeisdabestdrug @heartkatemiddleton @snowyseungs @slut-4-jake @cloudednines @yizhoutv @missharubear @gobighee @lizdevorak @bbakuhoee @esuilinfoster @shiningdery @aiternu @qeen123 @92stargazing @thejjrl @chocolateislife @votingrighthere

minors dni

IF THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU AND LEE HEESEUNG HAD IN COMMON, IT WAS THAT YOU BOTH LIKED TO AVOID CONFRONTATION AT ANY COST.

it’s a characteristic of yours that you’re sure gets on other people's nerves- they could say it is one of your weaknesses- but in cases like this one with heeseung, you’re grateful for it. there is no way in hell you were going to mention the awkward and angry tension between you two. you know it’ll just end up in a big fight and you’ll both say shit you didn’t mean. thankfully, heeseung is thinking the same.

on monday morning, four days after you had yelled at him and slammed the door in his face, you are walking into school side by side, your fingers laced with his. there was no talking between you, besides the small greetings before you turned and started walking towards the school doors. it feels almost natural at this point to be this close to heeseung, and show a sign of affection in front of everyone with him. but it feels like a job at the same time.

an awful job that you’re doing an awful job at.

a part of you wants to get over your avoidance of confrontation, and just talk to heeseung who is literally an inch away from you, but you don’t say anything. you just relish in the fact that you’ve added to the tension between you two and the warmth of his hand that makes you want to fall more into his warm body. you want to hit the same spot on his bicep that you always do when he teases you or somehow makes you laugh. you want to see his nose crinkle up when he laughs with (or at) you.

you spent the weekend alone, which gave you enough time to realize that maybe you like heeseung more than just an acquaintance, a fake boyfriend- almost a coworker. if you didn’t then you wouldn’t have gotten so hurt by his avoidance and ignorance of you from the week before.

you wouldn’t have missed him so much. or checked your phone every five minutes to see if he had texted you.

you feel stupid for not realizing how you’ve been feeling about heeseung sooner. you think you’ve been too caught up in the idea of how you and jake are going to fall in love, and go to college together, soon after getting married and have children, grow old together. with jake, it was all a fantasy that you’ve created and got so lost in that you’ve used it to avoid reality.

in reality, you like lee heeseung- the stupid, mean, cruel boy that you’ve insulted and almost physically fought countless times before. the boy that you’ve sworn you were going to hate for the rest of your life.

still, thoughts of jake swarm your mind.

you’ve thought about loving jake every day for almost two years, you know everything about him. like all his favourite things, his hobbies, his family- his ideal type of girl.

heeseung has told you before that jake wasn’t into you, and maybe you’ve been trying too hard to get him to like you back so your fantasy world can play with the reality one. heeseung has also told you that you shouldn’t have to change anything (like your v card) to get jake to like you. but it makes you question his words because he seems to be changing himself to get isa to like him. you notice the way he speaks softer to her, his confidence level lowers and he acts smarter around her.

you agreed to heeseung’s stupid plan before you had gotten to really know heeseung, in more ways than one, but it is too late to back out now. heeseung’s made progress with isa, and part of the plan is that neither one of you can abandon the plan until one of you has accomplished their mission. you figure that heeseung is so close to getting isa, and the chances of jake falling in love with you are so low, that you might as well just go along with the plan until heeseung succeeds with isa.

“so, how was the party on saturday?” you ask heeseung when you’ve stopped at his locker, your hands untwining finally. heeseungs hums and looks up at you confused, “the party? on saturday?”

“oh, right,” heeseung nods, digging through his now opened locker, “i uh, didn’t go.”

“you didn’t go? why not?”

heeseung shrugs, not looking at you, “didn’t feel like it.” it goes back to being silent between you although the hallway was filling up the silence as students were piling up in the hallway, “i’m guessing you didn’t go?” heeseung closes his locker and asks.

“no, i didn’t.”

“why not?”

“didn’t feel like it.” you mock his words, making heeseung quirk an eyebrow up at you.

“yo, heeseung!” a familiar voice calls his name, causing both of you to crane your necks towards the voice. jake is walking up to heeseung, an angry look on his handsome face that you’ve never seen before.

“hey, man.” heeseung answers nonchalantly, ignoring the expression on jake’s face.

jake scoffs, his tongue poking into his cheek before he speaks, “‘hey man’? that’s what you fucking say to me?” heeseung looks confused, so jake continues, “that’s what you say to me after fucking isa?”

there’s an instant simultaneous gasp within the passerby students, the statement makes them stop everything (including breathing) and watch the two best friends. jake looks like he’s ready to punch heeseung in the face, while heeseung is staring right at you as if jake isn’t even there.

“what?” you ask him, not understanding what the hell is going on.

“i didn’t fuck isa,” heeseung says more to you than jake.

“really? then why did so many people tell me they saw you and her go into a bathroom together at the party on saturday, right before you left in a rush! i knew you were fucking acting weird!”

“what?” you repeat, more information unfolding by the second.

heeseung swallows roughly before he speaks again, “okay, i went to the party, but i didn’t fuck isa!” he shakes his head quickly while still looking right at you.

“then what did you do with her in the bathroom, hee?” jake asks him, his jaw clenched.

heeseung looks at jake for the first time since the confrontation started, catching the looks of everyone in the hallway as he does. jake’s so mad that he doesn’t even recognize his (ex) best friend. though, he’d rather look at jake’s angry expression than your sad and confused one.

heeseung was thinking fast about what to say. he didn’t fuck isa, but he didn’t necessarily get a blowjob from her… she put her mouth on his dick and then he ran the fuck away because he realized he was in love with you. how the hell was he supposed to say that in front of all these people, including you?

his silence irks everyone the long way, jake scoffing out again and rolling his eyes, “you’re fucked up, hee.” jake nods his head, looking right at him, “is this why you’ve been avoiding me so you can get with isa?”

“what? no!” heeseung responds quickly, making jake scrunch his nose and eyebrows together in confusion, “well,”

“jesus christ!” jake’s hands cover his eyes for a second, trying to process everything before he turns to look at you, “i’m sorry y/n, i can’t believe he would’ve done this to someone as great as you,”

you feel lighter for a second as jake looks at you, his compliment going straight to your heart and playing into your fantasy world where he is the main character.

“i can’t believe you’d cheat on her, what the fuck is wrong with you?” jake snaps suddenly at heeseung, and the crowd of students makes noises in agreement with him.

“oh my god,” heeseung shakes his head now, a dry laugh falling from his mouth, “i didn’t fucking cheat on her! we aren’t even dating!”

you felt heat rush up your neck to your cheeks at heeseung’s exposure of you and him, the hallways were silent now, and you couldn’t lift your head or eyes up from the floor to look at every one.

“y/n, what?’ you hear jake question you, but you can’t force anything to come out of your mouth.

“we were fucking lying!” heeseung jumps in, getting the focus off of you, “we were fake dating.”

“what?” jake asks, “but i saw you guys at the restaurant- she was wearing your clothes!”

heeseung scoffs, “okay? that doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

“why would guys lie about that?” another voice jumps in, and it makes your head snap up to meet ryujin’s narrowed eyes, “i mean, we as your friends found it hard to believe, but we still supported you- and it was all a lie?”

“ryu, it’s not-” you start, but she only scoffs, opening her mouth to cut you off, but a hand on her shoulder cuts herself off. chaeryeong is standing behind her now, shaking her head at her to not continue, glancing at you with a sympathetic expression.

“i just, don’t understand.” jake speaks again, looking between you and heeseung.

“do you want to tell him or should i?” heeseung looks at you, and he looks fed up.

you shake your head slowly before you speak quietly, “heeseung, no.”

your worried expression makes heeseung feel guilty, but it doesn’t make him stop from speaking, “because she fucking likes you, and everyone and their mother knows that you’re only int chicks that have fucked before- so we were lying to make it seem like she has, so that you’d think she has- so that you’d like her back.”

you felt the air leave your lungs as everything was spoken out loud, in front of everyone; your classmates, your friends, your crush. you couldn’t look at anyone except for heeseung. your eyes narrowed right at him with pure anger and hatred. it was now that you think you’ve been tricked by him into liking him. every horrible memory you have with him taking over the small number of good ones you had with him.

“you’re a fucking asshole, heeseung.” you mumble to him, but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.

“me?” heeseung laughs out, his hand pointing loosely at himself, “i’m the fucking asshole?”

“yeah, you are!” you fight back, “you’ve lied to me, i don’t know how many times now! you’ve been using me! and now you’re fucking a girl behind my back?” you exclaim all at once and you feel like you’ve been holding it all back for over a week.

“who cares who i fuck? we aren’t actually dating, that’s what you said to me, right? we don’t need to pretend anymore.”

you bite back a cry that was about to escape your mouth, “fuck you, heeseung.” you turn just as the bell for first-period starts, pushing your way through the crowd that formed around the three of you. you keep your head down, trying to hide your watery eyes from them all.

the crowd starts to disperse when you leave, also because they were all going to be late to class if they didn’t start moving then.

“nice one, hee.” jake finishes his and everyone else’s thoughts as he turns, leaving heeseung in the hallway by himself, not caring if was going to be late for class. he doesn’t want to go to any class ever again after the past ten minutes. he feels fucking bad. he feels bad for everyone that was involved, but he feels even worse for you. he regrets everything he said as soon as it came out of his mouth.

the second bell rang, meaning if you weren’t in your seat by now, you were officially late. but heeseung doesn’t care. he just wants to be with you.

luckily, you and heeseung have the same spot where you go to clear your head at school, so it doesn’t take him long to find you sitting on the bench in the outdoor classroom. it’s cold and windy out, and your school uniform skirt is blowing up your legs, not keeping you warm at all and it makes heeseung want to wrap you up, but he can’t and he knows that.

you turn your head to the side at the sound of the door closing, scoffing when you catch a glimpse of heeseung standing there.

“i’m sorry,” heeseung states from behind you, not moving any closer, just standing a meter behind you, your hair is in a ponytail today and it’s showing off your neck which is starting to distract heeseung because he wants to place his chin there, kiss beside your ear and hum the song that’s been stuck in his head for weeks to you.

“you’re sorry?” you ask him, not looking at him but feeling his stare from behind you.

“i’m sorry,” he restates seriously.

“why did you even do that, heeseung?” you turn and look at him, not leaving your spot on the bench.

heeseung cringes at the lack of his nickname falling from your lips, “i just, couldn’t keep up with it anymore.”

“but why? you were the one who came up with the plan, half the rules, the fake dating! and you didn't even tell me that you and jake weren't talking anymore!”

heeseung sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he thinks about what he should say or do to help this situation in any way.

“heeseung,” you call him and he looks at you, “just tell me.”

heeseung sighs once more, deciding on an option, hopefully, the best option, “because i like you, a lot.”

“you,” you tilt your head to the side, not believing what you’re hearing, “like me?” heeseung nods sheepishly, barely being able to look at you, “for how long?”

“since like, forever- and fuck!” he runs a hand through his hair, “i didn’t come into this thinking i liked you, i thought i liked isa- but i don’t. i like you,” he takes a deep breath, “and only you. but i know you like jake so, it’s no use what the hell i say.”

you push the fallen hairs from your ponytail back, sadness and frustration taking up your whole body and mind. you stand up and face him, your nose starting to burn from the tears that are starting to pour out of your eyes.

“fuck you, heeseung!” you yell at him, your vision becoming blurry as you start to hit his bicep, he stands there and looks down at you with concern and hatred for himself, letting you hit him to get out your frustrations, “i didn’t want to fall in love with you! i didn’t want this! i didn’t fucking want this!” you step back from him and cover your face with your hands, heeseung sees the goosebumps on your skin from the cold. “there was supposed to be no feelings with us.”

“i’m sorry!” heeseung lets out exasperated, “what do you want me to do?”

you wipe the tears off of your wet face and look at him, biting your lip to hold back another frustrated sob, “just leave me alone, heeseung.” you step backwards towards the door, “leave me alone.” you turn and open the door, welcoming the warmth of the school in escape to cold-hearted heeseung and the cold october weather. you put your cold hands to your arms, trying to warm them up, trying not to think about how heeseung’s hands could warm you up so much faster.

on tuesday you’re sitting against the railing of the outdoor balcony by yourself. this time you have a sweater that you’re not sure where you got from, but it’s big and it bunches at your wrists from the extra fabric not being used. the school was let out not long ago, but you wanted to sit by yourself before you had to go home and deal with homework. classes were slow today, there was no one to talk to since your friends were mad at you or annoyed at you or whatever. you didn’t think it would be this bad, but the whispering from everyone gossiping about you as you walked down the hall or into the classroom was quickly getting to you.

since it’s tuesday, you know heeseung has practice after school, so he’d still be on the school property. you hope he wouldn’t show up here for a quick break before he heads over to the field with his team and the coach.

you haven’t been able to stop thinking about the day before events. your mind was crowded with thoughts of heeseung and jake. you were embarrassed, frustrated, angry and sad all at once. you wanted to just be mad at heeseung, but you couldn’t force yourself to be. it wasn’t just him that had gotten you wrapped around your stupid plan with him because you had agreed to it all. you had made rules for it, followed them and started liking the feeling of having a big secret kept between just you and someone else. and not just some boring other person- but lee heeseung.

lee heeseung had become your friend right before your eyes and you couldn’t protest against it. you liked hanging out with him, sharing secrets and inside jokes. furthermore, you liked the way his laugh sounded when you said something he thought was funny, you liked the smell of his cologne that you could point out anywhere because you swore you hated it so much only a few months ago. you liked the feeling of having him lay beside you in bed, his hands warming you up as his lips meet yours.

everything you had experienced with heeseung during the two months of your secret plan, you wish you could’ve experienced with jake instead. you have wanted jake to be yours for years and it was hard for you to accept that he never was or will be yours. but now you think that you did have heeseung, and it was over now before you could even realize it. your thoughts were scrambled all up with both of them and it was driving you crazy as you kept switching back and forth from them mentally.

“what? we’re just not going to talk about this?” you hear jake’s voice and you wonder what memory you’re pulling his voice from to hear him say this.

“talk about what, jake?” you hear isa’s unpleasant voice answer it. the girl appears below you, standing on the pavement underneath the outdoor classroom.

“talk about you fucking, heeseung.” jake answers as he steps forward into your sight now, facing isa with a look of disgust and anger. now you know why you weren’t sure where you had heard him speak the sentence before. you backed away from the railing of the outdoor classroom so that if they looked up you wouldn’t be the first thing they would see.

isa rolls her foul eyes, “we didn’t fuck, jake.”

“then what,” jake’s voice gets louder, “did you do together in the bathroom at that stupid fucking party?”

“well, i was giving him a blowjob until he got all weird and left,” isa speaks blatantly.

“what the fuck, isa.”

“what?” isa giggles dryly.

“we were,” jake pauses, “well i thought we were like, talking, like- i liked you. i thought you liked me back.” you can hear isa click her tongue to the top of her mouth and her shoes rough against the pavement underneath them as she shuffles forward towards jake.

“that’s sweet, jake.” it’s silent as jake doesn’t answer, isa giggling for real now, probably at the confused and hurt expression that crosses jake’s face. “what we’ve been doing was fun, but i don’t do, relationships or feelings or, just staying with one person- it gets boring too fast.”

jake rubs his face with one of his hands, disbelief taking over his body at isa’s words, “why didn’t you fucking mention this in the first place?”

isa shrugs, “because would you have continued this if i told you that?” jake doesn’t answer from pure anger and annoyance, “see! this was fun, jake, i liked having your attention for a while- but now, since that you, heeseung and the whole school knows what’s been happening, i guess it’s over.” isa speaks with almost no emotion.

“you’ve gotta be fucking joking, isa,” jake answers with a shake of his head, “so what? the past three months have been nothing but you just wanting attention? no other meaning behind any of this?”

isa shrugs, but nods, looking innocent, “i mean, yeah.”

“what a waste of fucking time.”

isa smiles at jake’s choice of words, “i’m sorry that you thought this was more, but it wasn't and it won’t be, so i guess i’ll go now.”

jake scoffs, “yeah, just leave me alone, isa.”

isa’s smile doesn’t leave at his words, nodding at him as she backs up slowly, leaving him, “bye, jake.”

jake and you both watch isa turn on her heel and walk down the side driveway of the school towards the street from different angles. her long hair that was once so pretty is almost vile looking as it blows behind her in the fall wind, her hands clasped together behind her back as she starts to walk home.

you wonder how jake is remaining so calm on the outside from the fight he just had with isa. if you were him you would’ve beat her head in with your fist before she practically skipped off with her hideous smile on her face. jake seemed to always be calm, it was something that you admired from him because it was something that you lacked, one of your weaknesses. the second something or someone annoyed you, you would lose it. heeseung and your countless fights are evidence.

you continue to watch isa’s figure grow smaller and smaller down to the street until she is out of sight with a scowl on your face. it was all her fault that any of this happened. if she wasn’t so obvious in liking jake then you wouldn’t have agreed to heeseung’s stupid plan to get her away from jake. she should’ve just fallen in love with heeseung and left jake alone. though, you assume at this point it would be impossible for isa and heeseung to end up together, not with the whole school calling them sluts and knowing that heeseung likes you instead.

jake lets out a huff of breath into the air, his head tilting upwards and catching sight of your body leaning against the rail, your sight locked onto where his just was. the thought of how ethereal you look up there crosses his mind for a millisecond until your eyes meet his.

it’s almost vexatious; you're staring at each other from a short distance with no words being exchanged, but the same emotions being felt.

jake finally offers you a curt nod in acknowledgement, catching your soft smile in response before he turns and starts walking back inside the school, out of your eyes and ears as the doors close behind him heavily. you know you weren’t supposed to hear that conversation, and you wonder how you would feel now if you hadn't heard it because it’s definitely changed the way you've been feeling about everything– about jake, about heeseung.

you wonder how jake feels about you.

you still don’t see heeseung by thursday afternoon. and at this point, you don’t want to.

you had thought that maybe he would have texted you, called you or showed up at your front door lying to your mom again. but there was nothing. not even a glimpse of him in the hallways. he is avoiding and ignoring you again and you don’t like it.

but maybe you were doing the same thing to him.

since you had watched jake and isa end whatever they were, you haven’t seen jake either. but he was all you could wonder about. you wondered what he was thinking. you wondered if he wondered what you were thinking or feeling. you wondered if he cared how you were feeling- and if you were feeling upset or sad.

in your mind, your fantasy, you and jake would have everything in common and feel the same emotions. he was the perfect man for you in every way. you liked to think that he was the exact boy in reality than he was in your dreams. maybe some of your thoughts were overexaggerated but they were always based off of your real-life interactions with jake. even though sometimes you would have to force yourself to be more extraverted and outgoing around jake, you didn’t mind.

at least when you were around jake you were happier than ninety percent of the time you were around heeseung.

your music was blasting in your ears as you sat on the bench of the outdoor classroom. your arms were out in front of you, leaning onto the railing. it is warmer out this afternoon and the sun feels good on your skin. It reminded you of the past summer when you spent every day at the beach with jake until your friends would come along later in the day and join you.

you are singing along to your music in your head, but you are probably also quietly humming out loud that you aren’t entirely aware of, focusing on your music felt like a good distraction.

so a hand suddenly being placed on your shoulder scared the shit out of you.

you turn and pull your headphones off your head at the same time, ready to yell at whoever grabbed you so unexpectedly, “jesus christ!”

“sorry,” jake stands there with a sheepish smile on his face. the sun shines perfectly on his tanned skin, but it doesn’t look as pretty as you remember.

you take a breath, “you scared me, oh my god,”

“i was calling you! but you didn’t hear me!” jake points at your headphones in your lap now.

“oh, right,” you nod and you notice you can hear your music still playing through your headphones from how loud they are playing. you move to lower the volume of them.

“can i, uh, sit?” jake asks and it makes you freeze, excitement and worry mixing together in the pit of your stomach.

“sure,”

jake sits directly beside you, your legs almost touching from how close you are together. it makes you feel uneasy in a way that you don’t like.

“you sit up here a lot, right?”

“yeah, sometimes,” you nod, picking at the loose wood of the bench instead of looking at him, “it’s quiet.”

jake hums, “i’ve seen you up here with heeseung, you can’t tell me you guys just sat in silence all the time,” your small smile drops at the mention of heeseung’s name out of jake’s mouth. it was the first time you had heard heeseung’s name spoken out loud since your big fight earlier in the week, “sorry.”

you force a smile back on your face at his quick apology, “it’s fine, sometimes quiet is good, right?” jake doesn’t answer so you look at him, his face scrunched up with an awkward tight smile, “what?” you laugh at him.

“i just hate the quiet,” he shrugs with a shake of his head.

“yeah, i can tell by all the parties and get-togethers you go to,”

“hey!’ jake nudges your shoulder with his, “you’re at majority of those, too!”

“yeah, but i don’t always want to be.”

“then why do you go?” you give him a look that tells him he should know, which makes his eyes widen, “to hang out with me?”

you try to calm the burning on your cheeks and look away from him again, “yeah, and to see some other people, too, but yeah, mainly to hang out with you.”

“shit,” jake chuckles, “i’m sorry i didn’t notice,”

“it’s fine, i never told you, or hinted at anything so,”

jake nods and turns his head to look out over the side driveway and streets, “why didn’t you?”

you shrug, embarrassed to be talking about this with him, “i just- i didn’t want it to have a different outcome from how i imagined it in my head.” jake gives you a confused expression in response, “you know, like what i would say, and what you would say, and how it would all end up afterwards, like a fantasy.”

“imagining a fantasy,” jake repeats, “that’s, creative,”

“what? you don’t do that?”

jake shakes his head, obviously thinking about it, “not really no. i just do what i feel like and then focus on what’s happening at the moment, in the present.”

you try to not feel a sudden hurt at his words, trying to not feel like he just shut down your whole way of thinking. you liked to daydream, and you were creative, and you liked imagining things that could happen even if they never did.

“anyways,” jake changes the subject, “i’m sorry about heeseung, too, i can’t believe he’d do that behind your back still,”

you shrug again, “he was confused, he was trying to do what he thought he wanted and wasn’t thinking about how others would feel until it was over.”

jake still looks mad at the thought of what heeseung did, “still, he’s an asshole,”

“no, he’s not, he just makes asshole decisions sometimes,”

jake raises an eyebrow at you, “wow, i never thought you of all people would defend heeseung, especially after all the times you threatened to throat punch him,”

you snort, “well, i guess he’s changed- or maybe i’ve changed.” you feel jake lean closer to you and spread his leg open more so it’s against your thigh.

“you know, you’re always able to see the best in everyone, that’s something i’m jealous of you about,”

“jealous?” you look at him now, trying not to get too nervous when you see how close your faces are.

“yeah, jealous,” jake licks his bottom lip with his tongue as he looks at your eyes and then your lips, “maybe that’s something you can teach me how to do.”

you almost blush as the word ‘teach’ comes out of his mouth, memories of you and heeseung flash before your eyes and you almost feel bad for allowing yourself to feel bad about it until jake places his hand on your thigh. your school skirt has ridden up a bit, so your skin is completely visible for him to cover.

“i don’t know, maybe i could try to teach you,” you mumble, your eyes hyper-aware of his hand and the lack of feelings rushing through your body from it. when heeseung was as close to you as jake was, you got nervous in the way you felt happy and something in your chest that made you feel lighter, but now the nervousness within you felt wrong.

“you know, y/n,” jake voice is close to your ear and it causes you to look at him, “i don’t think i’ve ever told you how pretty you are before.”

your eyes widen and jake must notice the quiet chuckle that leaves his mouth.

“pretty?” you stupidly repeat it. you had always imagined jake calling you pretty and you always imagined yourself falling further into him and maybe pulling him in for a kiss when he does. but now, a kiss is the last thing you want to do.

“yeah, pretty,” jake nods, “i should have told you sooner because i’ve always thought you were pretty.”

you are sure that his words are supposed to have an effect on you. after all you have liked him for years and thought about him saying these kinds of things to you countless times before. but all you feel is nothing but nervousness and thoughts of how wrong it feels to be this close to jake and have him touch your thigh. his index finger was drawing small circles onto your skin, closer to the hem of your skirt.

it’s silent between you two as jake’s body is pressing into your side and you try to form words that will let you get out of this situation with no harm done. you feel your breath quicken until there’s a quick thud on the door of the door classroom behind you. jake pulls away as both of you turn on the bench to look at it.

you don’t see anyone or anything by the door, but you take your chance and stand up, grabbing your bag and headphones with you, “i uh, actually have to get home now.”

“oh, do you?” jake asks a slight pout on his lips that you once thought were so pretty.

“yeah, i have a lot of homework and chores and dinner and stuff like that,” you start to walk towards the door, hoping to get there as quick as possible.

“right,” jake nods, “i’ll see you around, then?”

“yeah, right, i’ll see you, jake.”

jake smiles at you as you force a smile back and push open the door, stepping back into the hallway of the school, aiming to get out of there as quick as you could.

your music was blasting into your ears again as you made your way home. you knew that you didn’t hold anything against jake, but it felt wrong to let him touch you when all you could think about was heeseung, and how much better it would feel if he was there beside you instead.

you mentally curse him for the one-millionth time during the period that you have known him because you never wanted to fall in love with lee heeseung in the first place.

one full week passes by that you don’t see heeseung.

you were hoping to just catch a peek of his black hair in the hall, or smell his cologne in the classroom he was previously in, or hear his laugh echo from the field.

but there was absolutely no sign of him like he didn’t even exist anymore.

so, you went to his house.

you forced a puff of air out of your lips as you stood awkwardly on his front step, debating whether or not you were really going to do this or not. i mean, you’ve been to his house before, you’ve even gone inside when he was sleeping- but that was before he hated you- or knew that he secretly likes you.

nonetheless, you ring the doorbell.

lee heeseung answers the door and it's the first time you've seen him in what feels like years. your heart quickens in a good way and you feel yourself start to smile at the sight of him.

heeseung recognizes you in a second and groans, starting to close the door before either of you get a word out to each other.

“hee, wait!” you put your hand on the door to stop the door, but he’s already stopped himself from moving at the sound of his nickname that he hasn’t heard from you in so long.

“what,” he asks, looking at the ground instead of you.

“i miss you,” heeseung scoffs and starts to try to close the door again, “hee!” heeseung tries to tell himself that he hates his nickname coming from your mouth but its no use as he keeps his door open anyways, “i miss you, can we please just talk for a minute?”

“why? you told me to leave you alone, y/n.”

“i’m sorry, i should’ve been kinder, or texted you, or something- i just needed some time to myself to think things through,”

“if you needed time alone then why did i see you with jake on the bench the other day?”

“i-,” you open your mouth to speak but nothing but stutters come out of your mouth as you’re shocked by his statement. you wonder for a moment if he had seen you from the side driveway, or the field- but then you remember the noise you heard from the door behind you that gave you an excuse to leave jake, “heeseung, i-,”

“no, just forget it y/n, you said you wanted me to leave you alone, i saw how close you and jake got on the bench- his hand on your thigh,” heeseung closes his eyes in detestation for a second, “and this is what you wanted right? you wanted jake- you wanted him to think you’re experienced and now you have it, so our deal’s done for good.”

heeseung tries to close the door yet again, but you catch it and call his name, “this is not what i want!” you exclaim quickly. heeseung questions you, letting you explain further, “sure, that’s what i wanted, but it’s different now.”

“how’s it different?” he asks simply.

“i thought- i thought i knew jake and how a relationship with him would feel and be like, but that was all just in my head. he’s a lot- we’re a lot different than i assumed.” heeseung doesn’t say anything and lets you continue, “i want you, heeseung, in every way. you’re everything i could ask for and more and i’m a fucking idiot for not realizing sooner. i'm so sorry for getting mad at you and not thinking to ask you how you were feeling and i- i just want you.”

heeseung gulps and his voice is a lot quieter than before when he asks, “then what was that with jake the other day?”

“nothing! he was trying to comfort me i guess, in a way, but that was it, hee!” heeseung looks at the ground but nods, not saying anything and you think this is the quietest you’ve ever heard him in your entire life. you step towards him, almost inside now, “heeseung,” you grab his hand that isn’t holding the door open and he looks up at you as your fingers interlock, “i want you- just you.”

heeseung’s hands are cupping your cheeks in a second, his lips meeting yours in a quick, heated kiss that takes you by surprise. before you can kiss back out of relief and happiness he’s pulling back just far enough to rest his forehead on yours, “i’ve wanted you to say that to me for so fucking long.” you smile up at him and lean in so your lips meet again.

heeseung’s pulling you fully into his house now, your lips barely leaving for more than a second during your closed-eye walk to his bedroom. your hands ran along both of your bodies, wanting to get as close as possible.

heeseung doesn’t even give you a second to breathe properly as he lays you down on his bed. your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into you and he groans against your mouth. you feel his hands drifting down to your ass and knead the skin through your jeans.

“hee,” you whine and you can feel him smirk against your lips as you continue to kill. his teeth brush against your bottom lip and it makes you get the urge to throw yourself over his body so now you’re sitting on top of him, straddling him.

heeseung’s uses the hand on your ass to push your hips down against his crotch. his other hand rests on your waist, easily slipping down to land on your asscheek, smacking it hard enough to make you squeal.

“y/n likes her ass being spanked?” you nod in response, your head dropping forward onto his and he smacks your ass again in the same spot. your hips push down harder against his, feeling his hard bulge now, “dirty slut.”

“can i tell you something?” heeseung nods this time, you bring your hand up that was resting on his chest to the side of his face, and his head instinctively leans into your touch.

“anything.”

“i touched myself thinking about you,” you whisper to him, your lips gently brushing angst his earlobe as you spoke the words.

heeseung feels shocked, but you can see how flustered he is at your statement, “really?” his voice is higher and you nod and he groans, “fuck, i wish i could’ve watched you.”

you shrug, “maybe one day.” heeseung’s hand lands on your ass again and you let out a quiet moan.

“fuck, i wanna feel your mouth so bad, baby.”

“my mouth?’ you repeat, knowing that you have never even attempted a blow job before.

“yeah, it’s what i think about when i touch myself,” you let out another involuntary moan at heeseung’s words, the idea that both of you think about each other when you get needy turns you on. you press your lips to his once more before you get off his lap.

heeseung unties his sweatpants and slides them down to his knees, you’re face to face with his cock then, thanks to the lack of his boxers. it’s obvious how hard and big he is, but you don’t let the size intimate you as you press a soft kiss against the head of heeseung’s cock.

heeseung bites his lip to hold back a groan, his fingers wrapping through your hair. you wrap one of your hands around him, pumping him slowly, trying to remember how he had shown you a few weeks ago.

he lets out a groan from above you, “just put as much as you can in.” you nod at him briefly, before you wrap your lips around the tip of him where you had placed kisses beforehand. your hand that was pumping him is stalled at the base of his dick as you slowly push your head down. you gurgle slightly as it reaches the back of your throat for the first time. you try to stay there for as long as you can until your come up off of him, breathing heavy already and earning a smack on your ass from heeseung again, “good girl.”

you go back down on heeseung, your ass stinging from the slap, you hollow your cheeks once you’re down as far as you can go. you swallow quickly, his hips jerking up before you pull your mouth away from him. you try to keep up with a pace, heeseung’s breathing going heavy and his hand rubs your ass where he has smacked over and over.

heeseung starts to pull at your jean’s belt loops, making you pull away from him with a whine. he tsks at you, “i want to feel you, too y/n.'' with your help, he tugs your jeans down your legs so you’re just in your underwear. you quickly go back to sucking his cock the best you can as you feel his fingers slip into your underwear, trailing over your folds, “you’re so fucking wet.” you moan around his cock which makes him moan.

heeseung easily slips two of his fingers into you. his whimpers slip out of his mouth as you continue to work his cock making his fingers feel even better as they brush against your gspot that he knows so well at this point. his fingers curl right onto it, making you clench tight around his digits.

you start to swirl your tongue around his cock, trying to focus on one thing at once, but he makes it hard when he starts to pump his two fingers into your faster. you can hear how wet you are like he mentioned before, and it makes your thighs twitch from the pleasure he’s giving you. you feel like you’re going to cum, and you’re going to cum fast.

you pull away from his cock, and rest your head on his bare thigh instead, focusing on his fingers completely, “hee, ‘m gonna cum.”

heeseung chuckles, seeing how easy you give in to the pleasure as your eyes are almost closing and your mouth is open on his thighs, “yeah? you gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” his fingers speed up and the sound of your wetness filling his room in sinful, “do it, fucking do it- cum.”

his encouragement is what helps send you over the edge too quickly. you’re cumming before you can realize it and your stomach is caving in from the pleasure taking over your body. your eyes scrunch together and your hands grip onto heeseung’s sheets below him, your ass still in the air as his fingers pound you through it.

when your orgasm fades away and he slips his hand out of you. you sit up on your knees, in between his legs. his hand is up to your mouth, covered in your juices and cum. you open your mouth and let him put his fingers in your mouth. you suck on them like you sucked his cock, groaning at the taste of his skin and your cum mixing together in your mouth.

“so pretty,” heeseung groans, mesmerized by the sight of you sucking his fingers, “my pretty girl, fuck.”

his hand falls out to your bare waist from your shirt riding up. you smile slowly at him, “want you to fuck me, hee.”

“fuck,” heeseung groans out, his head falling back on his neck and resting on the headboard behind me, “you’re gonna be the death of me.”

you giggle at him and reach for the hem of your shirt, successfully taking it off and revealing that you aren’t wearing a bra underneath, your bare chest exposed to his eyes. his hand reached out and started to tweak one of your nipples, making your chest arch forward towards him. he leans up and kisses you, your eyes closing as you take in one another again.

your cheeks start to heat up when he pushes you back onto your back, off of his lap and spreads your legs up. heeseung slips your panties off your legs, leaving you completely naked now. without a calm beat passing, heeseung leans down and presses a kiss directly onto your clit. your hand grips the bed underneath you and the other one rests on heeseung’s head. you try to hide the embarrassment you are feeling as you realize this is the first time a boy has ever looked at your core so closely.

“gonna let me make you feel good, baby?” heeseung asks looking up at you through his eyelashes.

“please,” you can only let out with your voice not quivering from excitement and nervousness. heeseung presses a kiss to the soft skin of your inner thigh, trying to relax you before he delves in.

his hands are wrapped around your thighs, and his lips wrap around your clit, sucking harshly onto the bud. your head drops back onto his bed, letting out a moan at the new feeling heeseung was giving you. his tongue starts to lick up your entire slit, stopping and circling around your clit before he starts doing soft licks against the bud again. you can instantly tell how to experience heeseung is and that the rumours you’ve heard about him aren’t false like you ahd previously always thought.

heeseung was good, and you mentally apologize to him for all the times you teased him about not knowing how to make a girl cum.

the pleasure he was making you feel was something you would have never expected. it isn’t too long into his actions that you start to buck your hips into his face against his mouth, trying to get more friction. you make eye contact with him when you let out a long moan, his eyes are filled with lust and love as he looks back at you, his tongue entering your hole as he starts to tongue fuck you now.

“taste better than i imagined, so sweet,” heeseung mumbles into your pussy, making you gasp out from the vibrations, “wanna make you cum again, angel.” you nod furiously against the bed, wanting nothing more since you were feeling another high approach thanks to his tongue.

you gain a little more strength and you si tup on your elbows to watch him in between your thighs as he starts to eat you out harder. the noises of his tongue slurping up your juices make you mewl out his name.

“feel like cuming?” heeseung asks you, his fingers pressing circles into your clit as he speaks.

“hee, god, please, wanna cum so bad,” you nod at him. you feel yourself almost start to drool when heeseung spits onto your pussy, wetting it more so his fingers can slide easily into you.

the intrusion of his fingers makes your pleasure increase quickly and you scrunch your eyes together even though you want to watch him. his tongue on your clit and his fingers rubbing your g spot makes you cum harder than you ever have before. a loud sob of his name escapes your mouth as your body stills with your high.

your body feels drained as your high fades, but you want to keep going. you want heeseung in every way possible, especially since he looks so hot with his chin and mouth glistening with your juices.

your hands grab onto his heeseung’s face, pulling him towards you so your lips meet again. the taste of yourself makes you moan against his tongue. heeseung realizes how good of a kisser you are now, and he takes pride in the thought that he’s the one that taught you.

“i want you,” you mumble against his lips, kissing him again.

“are you sure?” heeseung mumbles back, not leaving your mouth.

“yes, hee, i’m sure.”

heeseung pulls back finally, a serious look on his face, “are you sure that you’re sure? i don’t want to hurt you again.”

you smile at his sweetness, “i’m sure heeseung, i want you so bad,”

heeseung presses his lips against yours once more before he’s helping you move back to the top of his bed, your head landing on his pillows, surrounding yourself with his shampoo and cologne that have stuck themselves into them. heeseung pulls off his shirt to reveal his soft abs, your hand trails down them, mouth watering at how pretty he is.

once he’s sure that you’re comfortable, he slides on a condom that he got from his bedside drawer and he then lowers himself to lay over you. his arm is holding himself up beside your head. you feel his cock rub against your slit, he feels so hard against you.

slowly, heeseung starts to push his cock into you. he is careful to watch your expressions to make sure you’re not in too much pain. this time, you feel a little stretch but it's taken over by pleasure immediately. it’s a new feeling to have him completely inside you, but you don’t want him to ever pull out. his cock fits inside of you perfectly.

“you can move, hee, i’m fine,” you tell him when you notice his face scrunched up in pleasure and concern. he nods once and he pulls back his hips, just enough to be able to quickly push back into you. the action feels different inside of you, but so good at the same time.

it takes heeseung a moment to find a steady pace, “fuck, you’re so fucking tight, y/n. won’t be able to last long in you like this,”

you smile at the compliment even though heeseung seems disappointed in himself for not going to be able to last long this time. every thrust of his is aiming for your gspot as he tries to focus more on you than himself.

“harder, hee,” you tell him, your hands running down his biceps, the same biceps that you’ve swatted so many times at something stupid or annoying he’s said, “you make me feel so good,”

heeseung intertwines one of his hands with yours and places it beside your head so he can still hold himself up. the action is so intimate and makes the whole experience better. it makes you feel just as wanted by him as he is by you. his cock starts to thrust harder into you at your request, making both of you groan out. heeseung rests his head on your shoulder, kissing the skin there and up along your neck.

“you make me feel so good, too,” heeseung confesses into your ear, as if anyone else would be able to hear him, “wanna feel you cum around my dick, see how much tighter you can squeeze me,”

“oh god,” you let out, your hips starting to buck against his, the added friction making both of you feel even better, “wanna cum, hee. love your cock so much,” you confess back to him because it is all you can think about.

his free hand that isn’t holding yours, slips between your bodies to your clit, and starts to rub circles in perfect time with his thrusts, “fuck, can you feel you getting close, baby, want my girl to cum for me so bad.”

“your girl,” you whimper back to him, desperation in your eyes as you feel your stomach start to coil.

heeseung smirks down at you, “my girl,” he leans down to kiss you, your chest feeling like it was about to explode from the lack of air you were getting. the kiss is more passionate than all of the other ones you shared, your intertwined hands locking tighter as you kiss. “tell me you’re mine.”

“i’m yours, hee, all yours- just yours.” you instantly let out, the feeling of belonging to someone in such a close and intimate way makes his thrusts feel so fucking good. before you can say much more, your third orgasm of the night washes over you. your moans are loud in heeseung’s ear as you cry out his name along with them. you can feel the heat in his room increase the longer your orgasm last.

heeseung slows until you’ve calmed down, his hands slipping down to your waist and he sits up, your thighs wrapped around his hips, “fuck, i love you.” he looks down at you, both of your hairlines wet with sweat.

“i love you, hee.”

heeseung leans down and presses and short and sweet kiss to your lips and then he’s back to fucking into you quicker, trying to chase his own orgasm fast. he doesn’t want to overstimulate further, and he can tell you are trying not to show how sensitive your body is, “gonna cum, baby.” his fingers dig harder into your waist, as his thrusts get sloppy quick.

you feel his cock twitch inside of you, surrounded by your wet walls and a condom, he releases into it. he fills the condom up, and you wish he would’ve came inside of you instead, painted your walls white with his cum; but there was always the next time and all the times after that for you to feel him with that much intimacy.

heeseung’s bedroom is silent besides your heavy breathing. you can feel each other’s breaths on your skin but neither of you cares, only wrapping one another up in each other’s arms. you could care less about the sweat, only wanting to be as close as possible.

heeseung moves so he’s laying beside you, his arm still draped over your stomach as he lays on his stomach and you on your back, “are you okay?”

you turn your head to look at him, his brown pretty eyes filled with concern again, “i’m fine, heeseung, really fine- really good. that was perfect.”

heeseung smiles lazily at you, too tired out to do anything more, “you’re perfect,” you shake your head and roll your eyes at him, “what? you are.” heeseung moves over to cuddle up to your side more, his fingers gripping your waist to pull you into him.

“i just feel sorry again, for what happened before.”

heeseung tsks, “stop. we already talked about it, i love you.”

there’s still a guilt feeling in your stomach that makes you want to scream, but you’re tired mentally and physically to actually do it. heeseung’s arm over you and his face pressed into your neck make you feel better and helps distract you from the guilt you’re feeling.

wrapped in with heeseung makes you feel like you’re at home. a home that you’ve always known but have avoided for reasons you aren’t sure of. there are memories with him that you hate, but love at the same time, because they’re what makes it how you and heeseung are now. you used up so much of your time trying to chase a relationship with someone else that would be ‘perfect’, but that perfect relationship was in front of you all the time. you wish you would’ve realized it sooner.

you choose to not dwell on your mistakes and regrets any longer, wanting to focus on heeseung’s slow breathing on your skin as he falls asleep, “i love you,” you whisper back to him, wanting him to hear it before he drifts off any deeper.

you realized that the guilty feeling wasn’t coming from your new relationship with heeseung, but from the fact that you had lied to your friends.

you planned that the next day at school, you would no longer avoid them, but face them and apologize and hopefully, you can rekindle your friendships; yours and heeseung’s friendships.

heeseung and you are both awfully aware that the whole fake dating part of your previous plan was unnecessary and stupid- or you could’ve at least told your friends what your guys’ plans were all along. you are both prepared to admit how stupid the two of you are in hopes that your friends agree and forgive you.

you weren’t anxious to walk into school the next day with heeseung until you are halfway down the hall and everyone seems to be staring at the two of you. your hands are interlocked in between each other as you make your way through the school towards your classes. you feel your heartbeat pick up its pace when you meet everyone’s eyes and decide to keep your head down to the ground to avoid any more eye contact.

heeseung on the other hand could care less about any of their starings.

until someone speaks up.

“c’mon you guys, we all know you’re faking, so you don’t have to pretend to date anymore,” chaehyun says as she leans on her locker, her little friend group around her all wearing glares that matched hers.

heeseung chuckles, “but we aren’t faking anymore.”

the rest of the hallway all turns and looks at the two of you, hands still intertwined and you get the urge to let go to get some of them to stop staring and make things less awkward, but still, you keep a hold of heeseung’s warm and homey hand that helps distract you.

“what?” cheorry asks from the other side of the wall, your face lights up when you see her, wanting to talk to her right away.

“yeah, what?” jay asks, his arm wrapping around cheorry’s shoulders.

heeseung shrugs and looks down at you with a smile, “we’re dating- for real this time.”

“no way,” ryujin shakes her head, “i don’t believe you guys at all this time.”

you let go of heeseng’s hand now when you see your other friend, “ryu, it’s true. we’re dating, we aren’t lying anymore. and i’m so sorry i lied to you before. i should’ve just told you the truth because you, and chaeryeong and cheorry are my best friends- it was so stupid of me to lie to you guys.”

“yeah, it was.” chaeryeong cuts in, her eyebrow raised at you as she listens to what you have to say.

“i know- and i’m so sorry you guys, it wasn’t cool of me- of us,” you gesture at heeseung, “to lie. we’re both sorry.”

heeseung sheepishly smiles at all your friends, “i’m sorry guys, we got all in our heads about the whole plan we made- we didn’t think about how it would affect you guys.”

sunghoon nods, “so, you guys are actually dating this time?” heeseung and you both nod at his question, “cool.” sunghoon smirks as he looks between the two of you.

“i guess, you guys do look good together,” jay nods, wrapping his other arm around sunghoon.

“i guess so,” ryujin says with a smirk, opening her arms for you to run into. chaeryeong and cheorry hug you both, forming a mini group hug in the hallway as heeseung replaces cheorry’s spot under jay’s arm.

the bell rings which breaks up the crowd that has formed around your friend group, you hear a few mumbles of confusion and anger as everyone disperses from your scene and heads to their designated classes. you catch heeseung’s hand in yours again as you walk with your friends to class, everyone catching up with each other and getting ready for the school day ahead of them. heeseung spins you around, making you laugh before he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling him into you as you walk. he presses a quick kiss to your forehead, mumbling an ‘i love you’ under his breath so only you can hear and your heart flutters now that you’re finally happy.

jake stands at the end of the hallway alone, watching the both of you at the back of his ex-friend group walk to class together. neither of you notices as you’re caught up in your own world, and it makes his heart wrench in hurt.

jake’s always known how much of a great person you are- how you’d go out of your way to protect your friends before protecting yourself. you are pretty, smart and talented and he should’ve realized how much he wanted you earlier. he’s realized that he’s always liked you, but he was too caught up with his high school reputation and the stupid idea of him having to hook up with ‘experienced’ girls.

he wonders to himself what would have happened if he realized his feelings sooner, would he have ended up happily with you, instead of being so hurt by isa? maybe he’ll leave that up to his imagination that he’s trying to work on thanks to you.