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‘Tis the season of love and forgiveness

‘Tis the season to be jolly! Fa la la la la! La la la la! But other than that, ’tis also the season for reconciliation, salvaging burned bridges, and mending relationships to have a joyful and peaceful relations with other human beings and it must be done before the season of love and forgiveness ends because, what else is there to do?

To start off, this task that I am dying to do to is very challenging and the reasons are, first, I am lazy and second, I am nervous that I will come off as thirsty for friendship and for trying to have good relationships with other individuals aside from my family, my life partner, and my other friends because the people that I am trying to reach out to, in my own opinion, genuinely hates me.  Yes, they do hate me. I think.

But I will never give up on my task without even trying on letting them feel the sincerity of my words and actions. Honestly, I am not the best person when it comes to fixing and mending relationships especially if they are the ones who made the situation complicated. I am the kind of person that if you do unnecessary actions towards the people I care about and I and you’ve inflicted pain, despair, disappointment or whatever negative emotions on us, I am sorry but you will be immediately evicted out of my life. That’s just how I am.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I am also a sucker in maintaining relationship.

Oppss…

Okay, let me explain that before going through my point. I grew up not being used to in interacting and socializing with my own peers and to other adults. I really do not know the reason but socializing with other people made my insides churns, my heart pounding like crazy, and my mind is being overloaded with information and stuffs that are so irrelevant to the situation and because of it, I emit such powerful force of awkwardness and I am pretty sure others can feel that. So whenever I face this dilemma, the only thing that I could do to survive is to just simply smile, nod, and smile again or I’ll just isolate myself and spend hours alone while observing the surroundings.

And whenever I made a friend, I am such a big failure in maintaining the friendship because there are times that I feel that I am only causing disturbance so what I would do is, I’ll just stop talking to them; which is really stupid and I am too shy to even start a conversation. That’s the cause of death of all the friendships I made.

Yeah, that is my story. Maybe it will give some enlightened information when I start on blabbing about the real reason of why I wrote this in the first place. Okay, I will start by telling you how it all started. It was 2 years ago and my partner and I visited his hometown in Negros Occidental and I was so stoked because weeks before the trip, I kept on asking him if it’s okay to meet his barkada back in his hometown in which he responded positively because he also wants to introduce me to them as his girlfriend.  All was good but here is the catch, his ex-girlfriend is bestfriends with his 2 lady barkada. At first, I did not make such a big deal out of it because we are matured individuals and the sole purpose of the meeting was to get to know the people who were part of my partner’s life. We never expected that things will go down even before it started.

Flash forward, we met, we spent some time together with his friends, and we were all smiles and giggle until it was time to part ways and say goodbye. It was all good; or so I thought. It was so much fun on my part that I forgot the fact that they were on the ex-girlfriend’s side and I could never compete with such strong foundation of relationship.

Weeks after the meeting, everything went down. I will not go into details anymore because it was so petty, but during the dispute, it was such a big deal! Anyway, the incident was chaotic; a hurtful thing has been said, secrets have been revealed, ugly actions have been made, tears have been shed and a heart has been broken.  It was just pure chaos.

I was really hurt, my heart has been shattered and it made me gloomy for weeks. For a very long time, I was hiding behind my wall, isolating myself to the world and for the first time in a long time I’ve decided to climb over it to open up myself again, but nothing beautiful came out of it. Instead, only upsetting memories were made. It broke me.

After the incident, I was blaming myself because If I just let the first incident slide, which ignited the chaos, the fight should have never have happened. But, I had to stand up for myself or else my whole being will be trampled upon by lies and deceit.

An ugly thing has happened and both parties were at fault. I admitted to my wrong doings and I apologized because I’ve also done things that may have hurt their feelings. Also, that is the right thing to do but I never got the response that I wanted so I moved on and left off the incident knowing that I did what was right and I did what I needed to do and that was enough for me.

Back to the present, my life is going really well. I am doing the things I wanted to do; which are vlogging and traveling. I have a great relationship with my partner and my newly found family-friends who are also in Negros Occidental and I am happy every single day that the blessed good heavens gave to me. Everything is just wonderful. Yet, there is still something that is bothering me until now and that is the incident that happened 2 years ago.

So I decided that I need to do something about it because until now, I felt really bad on how things ended and I must do something to make things right!

Before I forget, maybe some of you will start asking, “Why are you still trying?” and the answer to that question is, I want to live a positive life, a life that is full of happiness and love, and if I can make things right again, I will do everything in my power to do it. Also, I love my partner’s hometown and we are planning to build a life there someday that is why I want to mend things if I can because soon, we will all be in the same place and I want my life there to be peaceful and harmonious not just for me, but for our future family.

And that is why, starting today, I will do the actions I’ve planned and I am hoping that everything will go well. Once there is a response, I will update you guys. Wish me luck!

#seasonoflove #personal #friendship #life #peace #forgiveness #part1 #christmas #lifeupdate

[febsaluria]

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Gotta keep on reminding myself

#mantra

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Allow nothing or no one to slow your pace or affect your energy; stay consistently flowing, forever growing

Dulce Ruby (via goodquoteco)

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Young Life Crisis Part 1

Is it normal to experience this phase in life? I mean, I’m already a young adult but it seems that I still don’t know what I really want to do in my life. Before graduating high school, I was so hyped and excited to go to college. I studied hard for the entrance examination and was planning which course should I major in and what subjects should I take so I would not have a hard time studying. During this time, my family and I were very excited because finally, I will begin the new chapter in my life. After months of preparation, I got in as a student-athlete to one of the prestigious university in our country. Hell, It was the greatest news ever! Everything was going exactly as we planned and things were going well for a month until I felt this strange feeling inside me. Suddenly, all the my excitement and all my motivation slowly fades away. I started to mope inside my dormitory and I do not have the energy or the will to go to my classes or our team training. Or if I ever go to one, It’s like I’m dragging my own feet because I NEED to, not because I WANT to. I think the reasons are, first, because I feel like I do not fit in in that world. I was having a really hard time coping up with my course and that time, I do not have any confidants to guide and help me since my seniors and other team mates seem intimidating and I was too shy to approach them and ask for help. I was struggling. Second, I lost my confidence academically. I admit that I’m the brightest of all but I’m not a hollow-head either. But, being around a group of intellectual individuals, I started second guessing my ability. I was not happy with what I’m doing and I do not want to be forced into doing something that I don’t like. So, I decided to quit. I left my dream university and transferred to another one.

#crisis #personal #writings #spilled ink #life #young #student #struggle #struggling

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#lost #wandering #wander

[febsaluria]

I do not know what to do anymore. I am on the verge of giving up everything I have worked for and my future is hannging on a brittle thread that can and will break anytime soon. I am lost and I am scared, no, I am actually terrified that the decisions that I will make will only bring me regrets and suffering. I do not want to disappoint anyone or evryone, but what choice do I have? I am unhappy and I do not want to do this anymore. Oh help me.

#venting #life #problem #difficulty #life decision

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SERVES 4 TO 6              PREP 10 MINUTES

Lemon Garlic Popcorn

This quick and easy snack combines the flavors of rich butter, salt and garlic with a tangy twist of lemon. It’s the perfect popcorn for movie night or treat to brighten a rainy summer afternoon.

SERVINGS: 4 to 6

TIME TO TABLE: 10 minutes prep.

INGREDIENTS: 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted 2 teaspoons fresh Paramount Citrus lemon juice 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon fine ground sea salt ½ cup popcorn kernels, air-popped (about 16 cups) Zest of 1 Paramount Citrus lemon Paramount Citrus lemon wedges for serving

PREPARATION

1.  In a small bowl, stir together the melted butter, lemon juice, garlic powder and salt.

2. Place half of the popcorn in a large bowl and pour half of the garlic lemon butter over the popcorn. Top with half of the lemon zest and toss to coat. Add the rest of the popcorn and pour in the remaining butter. Add the lemon zest and toss again to coat all of the popcorn evenly. Alternatively, you can add all of the popcorn to a large paper bag. Add the butter and zest. Seal the bag and shake to coat the popcorn.

3. Serve right away with extra lemon wedges to squeeze over the popcorn, if desired.

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