jayeallisonashtear

[jayeallisonashtear]

Just a few recent sketches!

Claire, onstage. Cast in pink light.

Urban ruins/urbex site of an old meteorological station.

Misc. sketches. Ambyr in a 60's style go-go girl dress, Claire singing again, holding a rattan cane, and school uniform Roxy in alternate hairstyle.

Sharp x68000 computer. 1987.

[jayeallisonashtear]

[jayeallisonashtear]

New commission!

A template pfp for my friend Ben, of his werewolf character, Emmy Moore, from his upcoming novel Peaceful Valley!

Reminder that I do, indeed, do commissions and I have slots open right now!

#commissions #commission #art commisions #werewolf #horror #horror art #pfp #pfp icons #pfp portrait

[jayeallisonashtear]

Transition Journal: Before and After.

2011-ish vs 2023-24.

Realized I wasn't fully cis in 2017-18.

Realized I was a trans girl in 2019, finally openly admitted it in 2020.

Started estrogen in July of 2022.

I think I do look kinda different.

If you think you're transfem, just try estrogen.

I did, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

#transition journal #transition timeline #trans girl #trans woman #trans fem

[jayeallisonashtear]

Somnus

Album 1

Track 1: Shadowboxing.

Feast.

Something lurks within the station.

[jayeallisonashtear]

Claire sketching.

Saint LAurent: Surf Sound dress.

[jayeallisonashtear]

[jayeallisonashtear]

Just looking xute

[jayeallisonashtear]

Here's me recording/performing of empathy shield live on Behind The Mirror, RTR 92.1 FM on the 24th of August 2023. photos by alt.live.perth (Jess).

Set was a little shorter due to the radio time constraints. Also gave a brief interview (the interview on the site was done beforehand over email, theres also a pre-mastered version of empathy on there, I only spoke briefly after the set on radio). Again, empathy shield was completely improvised based on carefully pre-selected sound design elements. Done in the middle of autistic burnout, where I could barely speak on radio due to slowly going into verbal shutdown . Luckily my tour hosts Jess and Amir were absolutely supportive and got me through it.

I went on to play this show a few days in later, also in borloo/perth at the Badlands Bar. It used a lot of the same elements of empathy shield. I have a few feelings about it.

After the end of my set, I had a total verbal shutdown as soon as I got off stage and snuck back into the green room.

Worse, I managed to break the zip on my dress (got caught in the mesh I was wearing) and was stuck in it for 20 minutes before I had to ask a band for a shirt to cover the broken top half. Then several old perth friends I had not talked to in ages came in to talk to me only to find me simply unable to say hi back. I felt terrible about it. Indeed, I was in a terrible state. However - everybody around me there understood. A fellow autistic woman even gave me a fidget spinner. Even if I didn't use it (weirdly too overwhelmed to stim?), I kinda happy cry every time I think about that somebody even offered one to me non-judgementally. Only a few years ago would I have seen as a ridiculous r*tard baby for being a 'professional musician' who does this, but now it's ...its treated kinda like normal. Wish I had this kind of understanding growing up before I was diagnosed. Now, I am never the only ND at the gigs I play. Indeed, the NT's are usually the minority at them. Then theres the fact that so many other (and more well-known) musicians are being open about their autism (like Ethel Cain or Justin Broadrick) which would also be unthinkable years beforehand. It genuinely warms my heart. This is why I am loud, proud and cringe about my neurodivergence now. I don't want to be repeatedly traumatised by it anymore based on misunderstandings that we autists inevitably get, or failing to meet allistic standards. Every time I see a fellow autist get horridly traumatised because somebody (usually NT) got the ick it fucking hurts. Or when they blame themselves for failing to meet arbitrary allistic standards and fall into a horrible depression for not being 'normal'. It hurts even more if its a fellow autistic transfeminine person. I wish I could do more about it, like psychology or social work - but music is what I am stuck doing for the time being, so I'll try to do what I can here. Hence several upcoming songs /records (including the two Roadburn commissioned original compositions) neurodivergence takes a central role. It's lame, but sometimes its good to be lame. Sometimes it's necessary. We have a long way to go, but its also important to remember we have also come a long way too.

/gen

[jayeallisonashtear]

I GOT MY RENT PAID!!! T

hank you so so much to everyone who donated, bough commissions, boosted, and anything else!!!

I appreciate it so much. I'm going to work on the remaining comms and finish those.

I am just...so relieved, omg.

[jayeallisonashtear]

[jayeallisonashtear]

I kinda need some help...fundraising for rent.

https://ko-fi.com/dreamingnoctis

Hey everyone! I'm very behind on rent and need to make up the gap by Saturday!

It's a lot, so any donations or commissions purchased would be greatly appreciated. I have attached my price sheet. Please comment or message for more information!

Kofi, Venmo, Paypal, and Cashapp are available. Please help if you can.

#mutual aid #fundraising #commission #commissions #emergency commissions

[jayeallisonashtear]

Just finished a new commission!

This is a custom PFP portrait!

Reminder that I do indeed do commissions and am currently open!

Clarification that PFP's are now divided in to template vs. custom, with template being $40 and custom being $80.

[jayeallisonashtear]

Just finished a new commission!

This is a custom PFP portrait!

Reminder that I do indeed do commissions and am currently open!

Clarification that PFP's are now divided in to template vs. custom, with template being $40 and custom being $80.

#commissions #art commisions #pfp #pfp icons #pfp portraint #pfp art

[jayeallisonashtear]

Claire, with guitar!

I may post different versions of this later, and a linework only is available elsewhere!

[jayeallisonashtear]

Claire, in a jockstrap.

Inspired by a certain Rolling Stone photoshoot >.>

[jayeallisonashtear]

Just finished a new commission!

This is a custom PFP portrait!

Reminder that I do indeed do commissions and am currently open!

Clarification that PFP's are now divided in to template vs. custom, with template being $40 and custom being $80.

#art #drawing #pfp icons #pfp #commission #art commisions #art commissions open