kalxli

[kalxli]

Dear Mom and Dad, a poem

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am like a flower

I will wither away if you do not water me

I will starve if you do not give me sunlight

You picked my petals off one by one

And I pricked you with my thorns to keep your hands off of me

You blamed me for cutting you

When you were the ones who put your hands on me

The rest of the family look at me as if I am just a wilted flower

A flower that can no longer bloom

A flower that can no longer be nursed

A flower that can so easily be thrown away

Dear Mom and Dad,

Why didn’t you just water me?

Why didn’t you give me sunlight?

Were my petals not bright enough for you?

Did my thorns cut you so deep that you had to let me die?

Dear Mom and Dad,

I found someone else to help me grow.

#poetry #short poem #flowers #roses #parental abuse #mental abuse #trauma #mentally unstable #mental health #childhood trauma

[kalxli]

TW - Blood and Abuse

To start off, I’ve been diagnosed with depression for almost 4 years now. With all the abuse I went through as a child, it was always hard to find positivity in my life. My friends were a big help, but I just felt down all the time. Living with my parents kept me in a constant negative cycle with them and myself.

My parents were never there for me. They like to say they tried their best, but it feels like they didn’t even try. My dad would aggravate my PTSD and never respected my boundaries when I let him know what was bothering me. My mom would constantly say things that would make me feel like shit.

In the last week of August, I attempted and got sent to a psych ward. It was the first time I had ever been sent to one. I hated it. I spent time in a small unit and slept in a room with 5 other people. I barely had any therapy and the only thing that kept me going were the amazing people I had met there. I finally felt understood and validated in a way that I have never felt before. They gave me the validation and support that my parents could never give me.

About a week after, I ran away from home because my parents weighed me down so much I attempted again. I ran away before the ambulance came. My aunt let me stay at her house. I got in an Uber covered in blood because of my self-inflicted wounds. I was sobbing all the way there and I’ll bet my Uber driver thought I was crazy. (I probably am though.)

I don’t know what it is about my family, but their expectations and the way they want me to bounce back was overwhelming. I was told that it was okay to not have a job because of my anxiety and I can work on myself, but my aunt texted my mom that I had to get a job. She said living for free wasn’t acceptable in most households. It made me feel like shit. How am I supposed to bounce back so quick after I had attempted two times?

After that incident, I decided to run away from all of my family all together. I bought a ticket to Georgia where my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé. We made plans.) was temporarily staying. I took a cheap and shitty plane ride there without telling any of my family members. It felt amazing to finally be out of that situation.

Though, I really miss my friends and most of all, my dog! We don’t plan on staying in Georgia for long. We are here to save money for an apartment back in California. So, as soon as we get there, I’m taking my dog and the rest of my stuff!

This was a really long post, but it felt good to write. I’ll probably be writing more journals like this. No one is probably going to read all of this, but if you made it this far… thank you! :) my goal with this is to be able to comfort people and let them know that they are not alone. I know that I felt so alone going through all of my traumas and I wish someone would at least understand me. This is my way of trying to help anyone who is struggling with their own mental health or is maybe in a crisis.

#mentally unstable #mental abuse #mental health #journey #psych ward #parental abuse #self h@rm #self love #self improvement